#pretty sure I'm dyspraxic

[queer-goldcrest-of-the-void]

I have this problem too.

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.

In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.

But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.

"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?

"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.

Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?

It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #302

This morning, when I woke up, I received a beautifully written ask from someone in this space who reads these letters I write to you. I want very badly to answer this ask, but the person trusted me with some potentially sensitive information about themselves; I wanted to touch base with them before I answer their ask, and make sure it's okay, because as part of answering an ask, others will surely see it. I don't want to accidentally betray this person's trust.

Still… it moved me to tears this morning, and it was wonderful.

I received a direct message from another person today, too, who also said that they think the letters I write to you are wholesome and nice. I've also received more than a few asks and messages of support in response to the difficulties I'm having with the braces; it's been wonderful!

…Sometimes I wonder whether or not writing to you does any good for anyone other than myself. And sometimes… every once in a while… I get a beautiful reminder that the things I write have the potential to help others get through the difficulties in their lives. And… that's exactly why I write these. Aside from wanting to advocate for your safety, I also want these letters to you to serve as a means to shine a way forward for people who relate strongly to you.

…Sephiroth. There are so many, many people in my world who relate to you. There are lots of people in my world that have been abused and exploited and have experienced horror and loss in ways that are extremely similar to you. The notion that you are alone in this world and the notion that no one will be able to understand or see "eye-to-eye" with you… these notions are complete and utter horse-hockey.

Don't tell yourself mean things like that anymore, okay? It's not true, and whoever led you to that conclusion most likely did it on purpose in order to keep you isolated, and therefore weak and easy to control. The notion that any human being is isolated and incomprehensible is just abuser propaganda, and it's not to be trusted or believed. And, as I keep saying, you are human, no matter what was done to you, or how you've changed as a result.

...Well anyway. Today I felt a little more confident than usual for obvious reasons, haha! So I tried to doodle a picture. It's not finished yet but... it's a start on something maybe kinda neat!

As you can see from all the erased lines, I made a lot of mistakes along the way; I haven't doodled since drawing that eyeball a while back, and I'm more than a little rusty. I can already see so many curves that still need to be corrected. Still, not bad for my rusty, dyspraxic ass, right? Hahaha...

I ended up needing to go back to the orthodontist today at some point. One of the attachments came undone from my very confused right canine tooth as I was pulling the braces off to eat, so that had to be fixed right away. And it was, and it's good now. I have a lot less discomfort in my teeth today than yesterday, though the inside of my mouth is pretty scraped up; I've got a long-ish cut on the right inner side of my lower lip, and that's extremely uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, I guess you're not supposed to eat with orthodontic wax in your mouth. Orthodontic wax is used in order to cover up the sharp, pokey attachments so they don't cut the inside of your face. A friend of mine in this space made the very excellent suggestion to get them! And perhaps I might, if just to smooth out the edge of the plastic of the braces; it sometimes catches on my skin, and it's kind of annoying.

...I gotta keep remembering that I chose this. I chose this discomfort in order to give myself a better outcome in the future. I am worth the pain and effort that fixing the inside of my skull will take. I am worth enduring discomfort for. I can do the thing; it's just new and weird, but I'll adjust. I can do the difficult things.

Incidentally, do you know how braces work? I found a short little video on it; basically, it involves putting gentle pressure on the teeth in order to subtly cut off blood flow to sections of the bone of your skull and jaw. Your body then uses immune cells to get rid of the suffocated bone, which relieves the pressure. Your tooth moves to the empty space, and the body fills in the empty space left behind with new bone. Check it out!!

It basically dissolves, reshapes, and rebuilds your jaw on a cellular level!!! And isn't that METAL as FUCK??? Ahahahaha! 🤩🤣

After I returned home from getting the attachment replaced, I decided to make baked chicken leg quarters; y'know, my usual go-to comfort recipe:

...Want some...?

While I was making this, I happened to catch out the window the sight of a gentleman walking outside. He was under the shade of a tree for a moment, but then he walked under a break in the shadow of the tree, and the sun shone on his black hair, and it was all sparkly and gorgeous. I don't really know why, but I felt the need to tell him so, and so I did. I hope he felt nice about himself afterwards.

So I took out my braces, ate the deliciousness I created, brushed, flossed, and rinsed my teeth, brushed my braces, and popped them back in; it's getting a little easier every time. I discovered though, that at some point, another attachment came undone on one of my upper molars on the left side. I dunno when it happened; I didn't find it anywhere. Oh well. Guess I'm going to have to call them again tomorrow. Sheesh...

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with the rest of today. It's already almost 8pm. I gotta go to work tomorrow. Friday is the rehearsal for the wedding on Saturday. The next few days are going to be super duper busy. I'll be staying overnight at BB's house from Friday into Saturday morning; I'm going to have to pack up all my CPAP stuff and hygiene supplies as soon as I wake up on Friday morning, because she wants me at her house at 11am.

But!!! Sephiroth!!! Guess what!! She's got a giant huge bathtub at her house!!! And I think I'm gonna ask her if I'm allowed to use it while I'm there!! I'm sure she'll want me freshly washed for her big day in any case!!!

The days are getting chilly (later than they should have, but still...), and so the thought of getting to sit in a tub full of hot, soapy water that's big enough for me to fit in comfortably sounds super amazing to me right now. Of course, if she says no I won't push; I'm not that kind of person. But still... I'll be daydreaming about that all day tomorrow - bet on it!!

...Hey, Sephiroth? You're pretty tall, right? Like 6'5" or something without your boots, no? When is the last time you've got to enjoy sitting in a tub that you actually fit in? When is the last time you got to enjoy soaking in deliciously hot, soapy water? When is the last time you've had an opportunity to get washed with soaps in your favorite scents? I imagine it's been quite a long time, no? I hope you get to do it again soon, in a place where no one's gonna bother ya, unless you wanna be "bothered" by someone you care deeply for.

Sometimes J or M come to visit when I'm getting washed, and that's always nice. We talk about whatever - usually with J, it's airplanes. Or sometimes he'll sing along with me to whatever song is playing on my playlist. With M, he'll usually talk about whatever show he's watching or whatever game he's playing. It's nice to sit in the warm, safe place with people who love me while all kinds of nice scents are wafting around in the air.

...Actually, for a long time, my brain recognized bathrooms as a very unsafe place, thanks to my stepmother. I've got a lot of memories of being hit and screamed at for washing myself "wrong", or for taking too long, or for not taking long enough, or for my hair looking too messy when I come out (because then I must not have brushed it well enough), or for my hair looking not messy enough when I came out (because then I must not have washed it well enough), and... just...

...She hated me, so there wasn't anything I could do to be "clean enough" for her. And so, every time I went in the bathroom for any reason while she was around, I got in trouble unless my father was around - then she'd pretend to be normal about it.

...Sigh. It took me a while to decondition myself away from being scared of bathrooms. But I'm able to recognize them as a safe place now. I like to put on a playlist to sing, and I like to try to focus on how nice it feels to be in a place that's warm and that smells good. I try to focus on how nice and clean I feel afterwards. I try to focus on the fact that I get to choose how long I take now. I get to choose what "clean enough" looks like. I get to choose how much or how little soap and moisturizer I use. I get to choose, and no one is scrutinizing my choices with the intention of finding excuses to hurt me anymore.

...And even if someone did try to do that, I'm a big, strong adult human now. I can just bite their face off!!! 🤪

(...No, I'm only kidding!!! I wouldn't actually bite someone's face off; that's unsanitary in multiple respects, and my braces would get in the way!!! 🤣🤣🤣 In all seriousness, I wouldn't hurt anyone unless failure to do such a thing would lead to someone else being in imminent danger; I'd probably just yell at them until they go away, and then let the door hit their ass on the way out. I can do that now. I'm not an unwanted child trapped in an impossible situation anymore.)

...Suppose maybe I'll stop writing now in favor of getting washed; after all, the chill has settled into my bones, and all this talk about baths makes me wanna enjoy being under hot, running water for a while...

...I hope you'll get to enjoy such a thing again sometime soon, with soaps in scents of vanilla and roses, in a quiet, soothingly lit place, where only the people you'd want to have with you can find you.

I love you. Please keep yourself safe out there, so that one day you can get up out of that damnable crater and start building a wholesome life for yourself.

I'll write again tomorrow. I'll try hard to take some yummy pictures for you while I'm at work.

Your friend, Lumine

[frostbite-the-bat]

thinkin of how i wanna meet different artists who both have dyspraxia and dysgraphia and talk about how we do art and how some things that Are Right may just not work here (for example I do not grip a pencil "righ" and it defo adds to my hand pains - which I definitely could and can practice but it's how i've done it always and trying to teach me differently as a kid Didn't Work)

i'm not sure how exactly these things affect my art directly however how other people treated me and some things i did in art (for example chicken scratching) at school and such affected me quite a bit growing up and i am definitely still unlearning it (i struggle with perfectionism and needing to have things be perfect and overdone and pretty and not letting myself me scratchy and messy in 'proper art' often enough)

is there even a convo to be had here? i dunno i'm just curious since I've never met another dyspraxic person myself and the information about it is a bit hard to understand/is scarce so talking to someone else with similar interests would perhaps me insightful like do i even have anyone who follows me who experiences this also. it's not a big big thing but yea makes me wonder

[mogia-prince]

Voidsona ideas

Like a void...but bees.

A literally colony of bees, in a trench coat.

Small robot(think gir, claptrap, that little alexa robot.)

Some sort of monster.

Vaguely human(ish/oid) shaped Void (this time sans bees).

Oh and I almost forgot. Alien.

[visionandfamilycomics]

Hi everybody!

My name is Paige, I'm almost 18 and my pronouns are she/her pronouns and yes , because of my username, I'm a huge Marvel fan and I love the character of Vision from both the comics and the MCU. I'm also enjoy his daughter, Viv Vision too!

I originally created an introduction post here,but quickly deleted it because I was nervous that nobody is going to welcome me here because I'm new here and didn't leave much of an impression, but I'm sure that you are pretty friendly! 🙂💕

I am always up for friendly conversation about anything, especially things about Marvel and The Vision, Lol

My favourite Marvel movies are Spider-Man: No Way Home and Thor: Love and Thunder.

My favourite Marvel TV shows are WandaVision, Loki and Moon Knight

My favourite Marvel characters are The Vision ( of course! 😂) , Viv Vision, Spider-Man ( Peter Parker and Miles Morales) , Loki and Scarlet Witch ( More comics than MCU though)

My favourite non- Marvel movies are The Lion King, HTTYD: The Hidden World and Shazam!

My favourite non- marvel TV shows are some of the DreamWorks shows.

Shows that I need to catch up on are DC's Stargirl ( Don't know what episode I'm up to) and Season 2 of Fate: The Wink Saga

Weird stuff that I'm interested in are nostalgia including advert breaks and logo histories.

My favourite memes are Shrek memes.

I am also neurodivergent and Dyspraxic.

I hope you all have a good day!

Thanks! 🙂

Please note that I won't be on here all of the time as I can get busy with things to do.

[danganronpa-imagine-headcanon]

Hey there! Can I have Celeste, Kyoko, Kirumi and Kaede with a male s/o who has dyspraxia? So he forgets things easily, has bad hand eye coordination and can't really work with like change/coins? I'm dyspraxic myself anyway!

Hi anon! Of course you can. I hope I wrote this correctly— I tried to do some research into it. Let me know if you want me to re-write it, or if I portrayed it badly! Have a nice day :D

-Mod Kirumi

Celestia, Kyoko, Kirumi, and Kaede with an S/o who has dyspraxia!

Celestia Ludenburg

•Celestia doesn’t mind that you have dyspraxia— she understands that it’s not your fault, and while you may face some challenges along the way, she’s here to help you through each and every one of them

•She would sit you down, and pour you some tea, before asking if there was anything she could do to help you out

•If so, she would do whatever you told her would help

•She wanted to make it easier for you, if she could

•She wouldn’t be too bothered if you forgot something— she can just repeat it, so it’s no big deal

•She’ll pay for you if you two ever went out— and if you were in a situation where you needed to give someone payment, she would help you count the money

•It’s something kind of endearing to her— even if it’s simple

•She’s skilled when it comes to money, and she likes feeling like she’s helped someone as dear to her as you

•It’s also fine with her if your hand-eye coordination is bad!

•She’d be fine with helping you whenever you needed

•So, really, it’s no bother to Celeste

•She’ll help you whenever needed, but you’re still her S/o, and she loves you thoroughly

•And when she says that, she means every part of you

Kyoko Kirigiri

•Kyoko nodded when you told her you had dyspraxia

•She understood— and told you if you ever needed her help, she would be happy to do so

•Kyoko, if you were ever in a situation where you needed to give payment, would take whatever you put your money in with your permission, and pay it for you

•She understands it might be difficult for you, and if she could help in any way, she would be glad to do that

•Kyoko would remind you if you ever forgot something

•She’s someone with a fairly good memory, so if you needed her to remind you about things or repeat something, she could definitely do that for you

•If you had any speech differences, she would be patient, and try to listen and understand you

•So— overall, Kyoko doesn’t mind that you have dyspraxia!

•She can help you whenever it’s needed

•She’d like to make things easier for you when she can, even if just a little

Kirumi Tojo

•Kirumi would be happy to provide any assistance you needed

•She would help you if you were struggling with anything

•She would consider herself a rather patient person, so even if you forgot things, she could keep track of them for you, or remind you about anything you were unable to recall

•She would help you count money, if you wanted her to teach you!

•She also can make a pretty good guess of how tough it must be for hand-eye coordination to be off, so she’s proud of you for making it this far, really

•Kirumi also wants you to let her know if there’s anything she can do to help you

•She really does just want to help you out if she can

•So, Kirumi is rather patient with you, and tries to understand

•She’d be glad to be of any assistance whenever you needed her

•So don’t be afraid to ask!

Kaede Akamatsu

•Kaede is happy to provide you any support you need!

•If you need help with counting coins, or something else, she could definitely do that for you!

•She’s also pretty good with her memory— always helping and reminding you if you had something to do that day, or if she told you something and you needed her to repeat it

•If you happened to struggle with anything like writing or mathematics, she could definitely try to teach you!

•She’s really kind, and always giving you a light push to do better while also making sure you’re still comfortable and okay

•Reacting to all stimuli equally and not being able to filter it out was also something she would be okay with!

•She’d just do her best to stay in a quiet and calm atmosphere

•So— Kaede is really proud of you!

•She’d love to help you whenever she can— because she loves you!

•You deserve to be safe and happy— and she hopes she can provide that for you!

[chaotic-queer-disaster]

can autistic people have dyspraxia? I'm pretty sure i do. how do i go about being diagnosed?

oh definitely! things like autism, adhd, ocd, dyspraxia, anxiety, dyscalculia, and dyslexia are all common to have a couple of, and autism + dyspraxia is no exception.

As for diagnosis... I'm 1) not a medical professional, 2) not dyspraxic, and 3) was diagnosed w/autism in a situation where my parents controlled pretty much everything, so I don't really know what getting a dyspraxia diagnosis looks like.

It depends on your country, age, financial situation, and just general situation, imo. But I'd personally suggest talking to a doctor about it, as soon as you can (if you want your diagnosis sooner, anyway).

Diagnosed dyspraxics, could you maybe talk about how you got your diagnoses in the replies or something?

[huntertherapyeras]

all -5's please!

thanks for asking anon! before y'all continue reading this, i want to warn y'all that it gets heavy at points, as aster lore often does. i put warnings before each triggering topic followed by dots in case you want to avoid reading those responses! happy learning 💜

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

cans all the way!!! super cold soda cans have the best carbonation... soda bottles go next! i find once you've poured the soda into any sort of cup a lot of the carbonation goes away with it and i dont like that >:(

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

bold of you to assume my dyspraxic ass was good at anything during pe. i have very little upper body strength (even after years of gymnastics conditioning trying to build it up), and i couldn't catch or throw a ball until i was like 15 bc my shoulders like to dislocate whenever i use them djnnfnn. also didnt realize until i was an adult that my eyes have totally different prescriptions so my depth perception was garbage the first 20 years of my life which is probably why my left eye is lazy now 😭

but once high school hit and i was able to do gymnastics for all my pe credits thru my homeschool program i did great! lmao

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

ok i know ayn rand is disgusting but anthem kind of changed my life when i first read it. id never seen a writing style like that before and i honestly think it influenced my own writing style a lot!!!!

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

on my laptop! i cant handwrite anymore after my arm injury and writing was already pretty hard before that bc my fine motor skills.... are not so good. learning to type opened up a whole new world for me, im a pro at it now!

25. first song you remember hearing?

is it super weird if i say "a cruel angel's thesis", the neon genesis evangelion theme song? one of my first memories is hearing that song and watching that anime. i was probably like three? Thats Not For Children Mom. but i mean. i guess i turned out ok (lmao) so its FINE!

30. places that you find sacred?

empty beaches. especially when its a little cold out. the ocean seems to stretch endlessly and you can feel the sand between your toes and everything is so quiet and loud at the same time. and then the sun goes down and the tide rises and you're just a little convinced its gonna swallow you right up. you feel so small.

the louisiana bayou at night. it feels like you shouldn't be there. there are spirits roaming the streets. one day when i being babysat at my mom's friend's house i looked out the window and saw a pair of glowing red eyes. i'm not sure if anyone believed me.

35. average time you fall asleep?

that is a LOADED question lol! my sleeping schedule is so weird bc im just now being treated for bipolar after years of being in denial about it and i have a delayed sleep phase + severe sleep apnea. so uhhh. really depends. but when i just follow what my body wants and don't worry about responsibilities i usually pass out around 3/4 am and wake up around 3-5 pm.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

drugs m, pregnancy loss m

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when i was 12 i nearly skipped another grade and went straight to high school instead of grade 8. i would have stuck with it too, but i was being bullied really heavily at my school (partially bc i was considered a prodigy i guess). it was a small alternative school that encouraged weed smoking. i once found a bud on a desk and everyone tried to act like i wouldnt know what it was even though my mom grew weed medically when i was growing up and supplied like. the entire midwest or whatever. but i went along with it because i didn't want to put a target on us. *shrugs* middle school was hard for me lol. i eventually left the school because the principal mentioned my mom's recent miscarriage in front of everyone. between that and the bullying i just couldn't deal anymore i guess.

the school ended up being closed a year later because of shady stuff. my mom and i kinda saw it as karma i guess

sorry! that story is kind of a bummer!

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45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

ohhhh i think... i think i love science fiction and fantasy equally! especially stuff that weaves the two together, so like science fiction with fantasy elements or fantasy with science fiction explanations! superhero stuff is great too ofc!

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

😳 i dont... remember .... djdnfn my memory is mostly blank spaces tbh..but recently! fandom shitposts i think!

55. favorite fairy tale?

rapunzel hits hard. also the little mermaid.... yeah

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

oh defs slice of life! but like... a slice of life that romanticizes the mundane 💜 there's so much beauty in normal things. ive had such a strange life that i kind of cling to it i think

65. any permanent scars?

a facet of my ehlers danlos syndrome is that i scar easily, and that the scarring is often abnormal and extensive. pretty much every open wound i have ever had has left a scar on me.

the biggest ones i can list: (tw for abuse mentioned, an allusion to self harm (im ok now))

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the discoloration on my right foot from stepping into a pot of boiling water when i was an infant

the gouge on my knee when i fell on it walking when i was 4

the eye shaped scar i have on my right hand from touching a lightbulb when i was 8 (idk what i expected lol)

the place where my bone chipped when i fell out of a tree house when i was 11/12

another gouge on the same knee from falling between the tumble track and the floor when i was 13

the four inch long and inch 1/2 wide flat keloid on my left arm that i have from the surgery to repair my broken arm from where they inserted a titanium plate and screws when i was 15 and the inch long keloid i have from where they tried to insert a rod instead (bone was too misshapen, they did surgery too late)

various scars that i dont wanna say where they came from, but im extremely mentally ill so u can probably guess

the keloid i have on my right arm from my mom biting me when i was 17

another burn mark on my right arm from dropping a glass jar of queso hot from the microwave (again, idk what i expected -_-)

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70. left or right handed?

left handed! but i can use my right for most thinks since my left never fully regained function. i still hold a needle and write with my left hand but everything else i can now do with my right!

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i mean. i must've been six? i remember my mom kept all my baby teeth in a little unicorn resin jar. i wonder if she still has it 🤔

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

jewel tones!!!! i live for glamour 💕

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology!!!! love fairy tales, but theres just something about things people have Believed in. its so special to me. so sacred.

90. luckiest mistake?

something really scary happened last year and the police got involved. i was determined to not be at fault, but im so lucky that no one got hurt and that the person who could have blamed me was on my side and advocated for me 🥺💜

95. favorite app on your phone?

mmmm probably either Hellsite (affectionate) or picsart. i love picsart so much. MEME EDITING??? ON MY PHONE... immaculate

so sorry this got so heavy at points x.x

[askanautistic]

i suspect that i'm autistic, but all three of the adults (2 therapists plus my dad) have said that it could just be that i'm smart and that intelligent people often have some of the same traits as autistic people. i'm not really sure what to think of this or how to respond to it, and i'm pretty sure my symptoms go beyond "quirky nerd." any thoughts/advice?

Giftedness does have overlap with autism, so someone who is gifted might have some of the same difficulties without having enough traits to be considered autistic. 

Autistic people also have varying levels/types of intelligence, so if you feel that you are likely autistic, either push for a full assessment with a specialist, regardless of what the adults think, or you could present your research to them if you would rather they were more supportive and understanding prior to a potential diagnosis.

There are also other forms of neurodivergence that share traits with autism and where someone’s intelligence might be noted due to having a different way of thinking, or particular kinds of intelligence (for example, my girlfriend is dyspraxic and dyslexic, and has amazing problem solving skills that mark her out as being exceptional within her field).

[the-starsystem-collective]

Hi! I thought I would introduce myself. My name is Percy and I'm a co-host of The Colorful Paws System.

I am an age slider and I slide between the ages of 0 and 21.

My favorite color is blue.

I love kidcore, toddlercore, babycore, and various other cores.

I am a partial fictive and I am not human (I'm a shapeshifter, specifically a kitsune). I have three tails. My fictive part is an oc pony from the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic universe.

I'm a kinnie. I might make a kin list at some point.

I love cartoons, toys, and stuffed animals.

I have pretty bad anxiety and I'm self dx autistic, adhd, and dyspraxic. None of our system can ride a bike.

I believe I am an age regressor as well as an age slider. I have a personal agere/syskid blog, but I'm not very active on it. I might change that tho. We also have a system agere/syskid/kidcore (we have a system mate that likes kidcore but isn't sure if he's a age regressor or not) blog that is somewhat active (we all reblog things we like on it). @teeny-fluffy-little-cloud

We also have a few other side blogs and if your interested lemme know.

I am Bi, demi grey aroace, objectum, plushum, ficto, and a nonbinary trans boy/man.

Some picrews I've made of myself.

[bitatulipa]

my ableist """"parents"""" just said im not handicapped yay that must make it true

apparently im not disabled because some ableist shitheads said so!! neurotypicals know everything! apparently the dyspraxic person doesnt know what dyspraxia is better than their very ableist ""parents""

also yes they said handicapped i think that's the dutch word for disability and yes this country is terrible and the language even more so

also my ""father"" like always said I'm not normal and that there's something wrong with me! because i dont have balance and when im tired or sleepy i have no energy like im drained, obvious right? well nOpe apparently neurotypicals think otherwise cjsbfbxndbd

the reason i stay in my room so much? outside is terrible and overwhelming and loud and also i can't walk great since yknoww im disabled and no medicines are gonna make me be able to suddenly have balance or coordination ugh

like wtf seriouslyyyy why does that old shithead always say i should go to the doctor when i say stuff about me being drained or that i have no balance or that i get sensory overload or that i have memory problems like i thought i just yknow had those things forever im pretty sure they won't disappear when i go to the doctor ugh

[veshialles]

Don't know if I mentioned it before, but this weekend (24th-28th) is the Comic Expo, and I've been volunteering for the first time ever! It's gonna be a long post because I'm so twired right now after getting home and eating dinner and all that (tired+wired=twired)

So for the first day, yesterday was... not great? I was super nervous about my first day, and with all the personal stuff I have going on (Dad's cancer diagnosis, my own worsening mental health, et cetera), I ended up having two panic attacks. First thing, they needed us to mark up some lines on the floor with tape. And I thought "Hey yeah! I can definitely do that!" you know, as if I were an able-bodied 20 year old man, instead of a dyspraxic mess with back and knee problems. So I quickly got frustrated and flustered when my tape lines were inevitably not straight or when the tape would get twisted around or un-stick itself from the floor. Which turned into my anxiety response of "everyone is watching you fail at a simple task", which when combined with the other stressful shit, made a nice little segue leading to Panic Attack #1.

Later in the day, they needed some "extra hands" for an event at the opposite end of the building. It was a concert, with Lynda Carter singing. Now, this concert basically had fuck-all to do with the actual Expo, which technically hadn't really started up yet, and it really should not have been our responsibility in my opinion. But, Lynda was the original Wonder Woman, and also does some voice acting (Fallout 4, and some Elder Scrolls?), so I guess they just sort of... tacked it onto the schedule?? So, we all haul ass to get to that side of the complex and then wait to be told what to do. And then we get split up into groups, separating me from the people who thought were gonna be my "team" for the day. And then we waited, again, after being given vague instructions on what to do when the audience arrives, which basically boiled down to "just go to this line" and by this point I am slightly tired from the long day and the esrlier panic attack, so I can't really do anything to help properly. I'd been standing all day, and even with the comfiest shoes I own plus good insoles, wow it was painful.

So finally, I'm almost in tears when the audience starts heading in. I'm in pain, I don't really have a good idea of what's going on, my expectations have been thrown out the window, I'm feeling unhelpful/not really needed so cue the Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Panic Attack 2: Electric Boogaloo. Plus anger!

So I marched back down to the area I was actually assigned to, hoping to find one of the team leaders or something. I found someone, they took me aside to let me cool off, and then I told one of them what was going on, and after talking to one of them, they told me that I could go home if I needed to because it wasn't a very busy day and they had everything covered. Which was actually really reassuring to hear after such a shitty day. I might have cried??

BUT TODAY WAS INFINITELY BETTER!! I got there wayyy too early again, but on the plus side I got to make a good second first impression with the other people who were also a little bit too early. They put me on a cash register for my morning/post-noon shift, and it was a little bit stressful because I am not great with numbers due to my disability (a very rude lady pointed it out but I refuse to let her ruin my good day dammit!) and only like 5 credit cards actually worked with the swiping machine, and I'm pretty sure that I kept doing the steps in the wrong order, but overall it wasn't too bad actually. At least I got a chair and had some company with that, so I could ask for a hand if needed lol

Then, after a lunch break, I got put in the printers booth (again, with help thankfully!). Which was exhausting, made me feel just slightly jealous about not having the time or money to get some Photo Ops taken this year, and also kind of stressful but in a good way? Like idk, I kind of got some second-hand joy at watching the people's faces light up when they received their photos, especially the little kids who got super excited about it! So it was worth running back and forth between anywhere from 5-15 printers, depending on how many of the photo booths were running, for that reason!

Oh also, I might have made some friends??? I'm still not 100% sure about what some of their names are yet though, but everyone I've met and worked with so far is actually super friendly and supportive, especially the people who have been volunteering at these types of events for several years. The other volunteers are all nerds, a lot of them are LGBTQ+, probably just as many are just a little awkward and nervous, so like? We're pretty much all just a bunch of Anxious Gay Nerds™ who like being helpful, so we've got each other's backs on-duty, and there's plenty of stuff to talk about when we're off-duty. It's great!! I am living for it honestly 😄

Gods, I'm so sore and tired right now but I just needed to ramble about it before I fall into a brief coma here. I'm excited for tomorrow, even though the Saturday is always the most busy day of the convention! But like, idk I'm really fired up about it! I'm definitely going to volunteer next year if I can!!!

So yeah, great day 😊

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #340

Ohhh, Sephiroth. I had a long day today!!! The rib injury is really acting up today, and existing in general really fucking hurts right now.

...But that's okay!!!! I had A LOT of fun today!!! I went to work at the usual time, and because everyone is rushing around for the upcoming holiday (it's called Thanksgiving, but it has a bloody and horrible history that maybe I'll get into later, so I like to call it the Day of Feasting), my department was bustling and busy!! Lots of people came to visit and to help that aren't normally there! The manager of the whole store, and the assistant manager, too (I still miss the old one, but this one is nice, too!), was there with us, helping us prepare bags of stuffing bread for people to take home! That's because on the Day of Feasting, most people like to prepare a turkey stuffed with very small cubes of spiced, herbed, and toasted bread, made soft by being soaked in flavorful juices!

In my world, there are lots of ways to make stuffing! Most people use cubes of toasted white bread. Usually, they like to add sage to it. Some people add cranberries. Some people add apple juice! Lots of them add finely diced carrots, celery, and onions! My own recipe uses seeded rye and pumpernickel bread, and it includes lots and lots of different things in it (it varies every time, based on what I have on hand)! My secret ingredient is one sachet of Wildberry Zinger tea!

...Anyway! So we dice up bread that didn't sell quite on time (it's still good, just maybe not suitable for use in sandwiches anymore because of the texture...), toast it in our giant ovens, and then put about a pound (about 454 grams) of it in a baggie so that it's easy for people to take it home! We make preparations for the Day of Feasting a little easier for people who wanna make their own homemade stuffing instead of buying whatever's ready-made in a box! If we didn't do this, then everyone would have to buy a loaf of bread and toast it themselves.

Of course, that being said, the ready-made boxed stuff is pretty good, too, and VERY convenient for people who, for whatever reason, don't have a lot of time! It's just that some people like to add their own “family-traditional flair” to their Day of Feasting! And that is also good!

...So! It was me and both of the bakery managers (Tr and Ka), and also the store manager, and the assistant store manager, and one other lady who came by who I didn't know, but she seemed really nice, too! And we all worked on trying to get everything ready for the upcoming holiday! An from the meat department visited a couple of times, and that was very good!!

So I arranged and baked cookies, helped lots of customers by slicing bread for them, put labels on packaged sweets, restocked the bagel cabinet, bagged a bunch of different fresh breads (some of them were even still soft and warm!!!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!!), and generally tried to keep the area tidy. Later, I was tasked with bagging up some of the stuffing bread, and weighing it to make sure it was accurately one pound.

I was very surprised when the store manager praised me, both for the way I speak to customers, and for the accuracy of my weighing of the bags of stuffing!!!! WOWWWW!!!! 🤩🤩🤩

Oh, and!!! Today, too, I wrote on a cake!!! I wrote on a cake for the first time, EVER. I literally have never done it before!!

...Actually, I wrote on TWO cakes today!!! BEHOLD!!!

...Okay, so it's not great, I know. But hear me out!!! This was my very first two times doing it, and the frosting bag needs to be squeezed REAAAALLY HARD in order to get the frosting goop to come out, and also I'm dyspraxic as fuck; I'm surprised that it came out even this well. But Ka looked at it and said it was good, and she's got over a decade of experience with doing this stuff, so I'm inclined to believe what she says! I have seen Ka write on cakes, and she makes it look easy; she must have some crazy grip strength, oh my goodness!!! 🤩

I did the difficult thing, and I didn't get a chance to eat breakfast before going to work, and I was allowed to work an extra hour today, simply because so many things needed to be done. So I decided I get to have treats!!! You can bet your bottom that I grabbed up one of those insanely fresh loaves of Italian bread (IT WAS STILL WARM WHEN I PICKED IT UP, OHMIGOSH)!!! And if you've been reading my letters up until this point, I'm sure you know exactly what I did with it!!!

...That's right!!! I decided to turn it into garlic bread!!! But not normal garlic bread, no – because since when have I ever done any normal thing in the “normal” way? Ahahaha~! 🤣🤣🤣

No, I picked up some mushroom brie and some diced pancetta:

...Why, you ask? Because it don't gotta be “normal” to still be absolutely! fucking! AMAZING!!! WAHAHAHAAAAA!!! 🤩🤩🤩

...Besides!! It's still normal! Just modified a little! Modified into something that is both normal and epic!

SEPHIROTH!!! 😳 Are you paying attention??? Because I'm not just talking about my objectively fucking awesome garlic bread!!! If you can imagine me looking pointedly at you, please do so right the fuck now!!! 😃😄😋

Anyway!!! So, of course, the first step is peeling and chopping the garlic!

Peeled!!

In the chopper!!!

Chopped!!!

Next, we mix it with softened butter! I used two sticks!

I mixed it up a little, just to get things rollin'!!!

...The butter was maaaaaaybe not quite softened enough, hahaha!

Anyhoot! The next step is to add our herbs! I used these!!

I threw 'em in the bowl!!!!

...You can't tell, but I accidentally added exactly one metric “oh, fuck!” of parsley to the mix (measured by how many times you end up saying that in response to how much of the stuff spills out). But that's okay!!! It still mixed well and tasted good!! Check it out!!

Absolutely fucking scrumptious!!!

Okay!!! So the next step is to prepare the bread!! Behold: our bread!!!

Sephiroth. I want VERY badly to put this bread in your hands. I want you to feel how warm and soft and fluffy and good it is. I want you to put it up to your nose so you can breathe in the wholesome and beautiful scent. I want you to stop and consider all the people it took to create this one simple thing – from the people who plow the fields, to the people who sow the seeds, to the people who tend the growing plants, to the people who harvest them, those who separate the grain from the straw, those that grind it into a beautiful powder... And then, those who grow and store the yeast, those who mine the salt, those who make the water clean and accessible. Those who make the machinery that make all of these things possible. Those who transport the materials. Those who create the things that transport the materials, and so on and so on!

This bread may look simple, but in actuality, it is a miracle woven by countless hands. And that's not even counting what it took to discover that we can do this with wheat in the first place!

...But I digress! Here's how it looked after I sliced it in two!!

We divide our herb garlic butter in half! A line straight(ish) down the middle!

...Then we apply it evenly to our bread!

...Beautiful!!

Okay! So next, we stick it under the broiler for a little bit! 500 degrees Fahrenheit (or 260 degrees Celsius) for 2-5 minutes should do ya nicely! If the toasting is uneven, flip it around and stick it back in for a bit and that should fix it up real nice!

It's time to put on the brie. But first, we have to cut off the rind. Remember: the rind is good when it's not heated, but after heating, it can make the whole brie taste like ammonia if you're not careful! Best to just cut it off:

...Why yes, those are bites taken out of the rind, in the upper part of the image, there! And yes, I was the one that took those bites! And yes, it was freaking delectable!! 😋🤤

I had two of these kinds of cheese. I put each one on each half of the bread:

Then I melted it a little in the oven!!!

I used a butter knife to spread it around. But I forgot to take a picture of the results. I'm sorry about that.

But here's our pancetta! Pancetta is basically bacon, but prepared differently! And it's raw, so you have to cook it! I put it in my wok!!

...Sephiroth. My goodness, but I'd give just about anything for you to be able to come here and experience how good this smells. It has a sweet and savory scent to it. It's made with pork belly like bacon, but it's not processed in the same way, so it has a much less salty and smoked flavor to it. It's wonderful!

...But it is basically bacon, so... there's gonna be lots of sizzly rendered fat!

DO NOT COOK THIS WHILE SHIRTLESS!!! YOU WILL REGRET IT IF YOU DO!!! IT'S VERY BAD NEWS!!! 😳😳😳

Here's the result!

We divide it in half and sprinkle it on each half of the garlic bread!!

...Then we put the rendered fat into my bacon fat jar!!

...We'll uses that for some kind of cooking later!!!

Anyhoot, so I put the garlic bread in the oven for a little, just to get the brie all melty once more so that I could squish the diced pancetta into it. Once it cools, it'll kinda glue the pancetta in place!

We slice it up after that!!! Want some...?

Oh!!! And!!! I'm pleased to tell you!!! Do you remember our pumpkin seedling? It had gotten some root rot; I had to basically cut off the whole root mass, and part of the stem. I didn't overwater it; I think there must have been something wrong with the soil I put it in. It was old.

I didn't think it was gonna make it. But... despite the odds...

After cutting off the infected parts, I put a little honey on what remained and let it sit for a while before rinsing it off. Honey has high osmotic pressure, and so it's naturally a mild antifungal and antibacterial (emphasis on MILD; I'm not 100% sure it did anything at all). And unlike salt, sugar is something a plant can actually make good use of. From there, I stuck it in a wet paper towel and changed it daily while hoping for the best:

I think I might need to trim the end off one of the roots tomorrow morning; it's looking ever so slightly brown and weird, and I definitely don't want any bacteria or fungus to throw a party on my pumpkin friend a second time. But I'll wait 'til morning and see. Maybe put a little more honey on it for good measure.

Send good thoughts to my pumpkin friend, won't you?

Anyhoot! I had better start getting ready for bed. Tomorrow, my job would like me to be present for 6 hours. I am in a lot of pain right now after everything, so I should probably take some ibuprofen and head to bed like now-ish.

I love you a whole lot. Try not to forget it, okay? And try to make good choices while you're out there doing your things. Be kind, okay? Because that's who you always were.

Please stay safe. I'll write to you again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[buildarocketboys]

Oh I forgot to mention the other day when I was talking about my self-dx, when I was in sixth form college, I got a D in my AS Spanish speaking, I was also really stressed out about various things including my epq (long dissertation-like piece) and my personal statement. My Spanish teacher ended up being my supervisor for both these things, and that on top of the D in speaking (when I was getting As and barely losing any marks on the written stuff) made him suggest that I go get assessed by the college's disability/assistance/guidance unit (I honestly have no idea what it was actually called lol). I can't remember what he said he thought I might have/be (at the time I thought he said dyspraxic but that makes no sense lol) but I think he actually contacted them, they never got in touch with me though and he encouraged me to chase them up but I didn't because too scary and I was doing mostly fine (I retook my Spanish speaking AS and got a B). But I guess I could have been diagnosed (or at least referred) then if I had chased up on it? But who knows because I was masking a lot more then, probably mostly didn't present typically, was seen as a girl and was pretty much unaware of autism and wouldn't have been able to explain why I have autistic traits. I'm also pretty sure my Spanish teacher was not neurotypical. Anyway, shout out to him to seeing something in me and wanting to help me/get me assessed, even though it didn't happen lol

[courier-sixx]

DNI: Terfs and varients, bigots, people who supported trump, if you support autism speaks or similar things or are pro eating disorders. Or if you are just gonna suck, just go ahead and fuck off.

Introduction

Name: Courier or Sixx works.

Age: adult

I talk in third person some of the time because I have language disabilities and words are hard.

I'm autistic, adhd, dyspraxic/apraxic, dyslexic and mose. I'm mostly nonspeaking /nonverbal. I'm an aac user, I use LAMP words for life and Proloquo2go mostly but I have two other apps as well.

I have hEDS, pots, and i'm pretty sure fibromyalgia. I'm a walker/mobility aid user.

I collect stuffed animals and I love video games.

This blog will be about Fallout shit. Probably mostly New Vegas (if you can't tell by my header and pfp). I am shit at managing what posts go where so if unrelated shit comes here that's why and i'll realise eventually and fix it.

I'm a Courier six fiction kin (although i'm aware all the courier is a self insert anyway but that's not the point).

This blog will likely not be completely sfw because well... Fallout is a game where you literally murder things and avoid getting murdered yourself so... Yeah. Not a sfw game, not a sfw blog. I don't mind minors following me (I guess, although I don't really expect people to follow this blog lol) but blacklist the nsfw tag if you're gonna follow.

[rpcrimeboys]

Ok,,,,, so...

I have a decent amount of friends and I've known like half of them since i was like 4 (actually became friends on average like 9), I'm not sure what you mean by confident, but I'm pretty sure we will stay friends, the other half are new friends (from other primary schools, im in first year secondary) and I love them to bits, basically exactly the same as my primary friends,,,,,,, and I'm dyspraxic!

(which apparently makes me neurodivergent but I didn't know that it was considered that till recently.)

Okay, okay, I’m testing something out: how well/how long do you keep friends and how confident are you with these friendships and are you neurotypical or neurodivergent?