#pretty recently though. only started reading the books this year i think

[wheucto]

wanted to draw a cat. pretty satisfied w how it came out

[rafesbangs]

𝜗𝜚 bunny!reader has always had a thing for a regular at her bookstore, older!rafe only comes in to see her

c!w; mdni !! older!rafe, dom!rafe, bunny!reader, age-gap (reader is 18+), size kink, rafe gets called 'daddy' a few times, dirty talk, mutual pining obviously, 'unprotected' sex, p in v, creampie, overstimulation (if you squint), cum play, cum eating, oral (f. receiving)

notes; i had such bad writer's block during the making of this so i apologise if this isn't my best work... also its kinda long before the smut but it needed some plot !!

you'd just gotten a job at a new cozy bookstore in town. it was perfect, had rows and rows of every genre of book a person could think of and a lovely little cafe with a cozy area to read in too. you loved working there, and had recently gotten much more comfortable after finally getting the hang of everything.

there were quite a few regulars that would come in for the coffee and a book, lots were mothers with quiet children that would sit down in the children's corner and read, others were just people of all ages that particularly enjoyed sitting in the bookstore for hours.

you were stacking shelves the first time you saw him; tall, gorgeous and smiling slightly under his cute scruffy moustache. he was flicking through the non-fiction books. though he didn't look like someone that read, adorned in workwear and partially grubby clothing, most likely from his blue collar job.

you could tell he was definitely older, around ten years your senior but still so pretty. after that first minor interaction you started seeing him come in a lot more, every other day basically. you'd worked up the courage to say hi to him after a few more times of seeing him and although your face was probably bright red, he smiled wide and started a conversation with you.

after the ice had been broken you would always talk to him when he came into the bookstore, it got to a point where he wasn't even pretending to be interested in the books around him anymore, he obviously had come in there to see you again.

rafe had also started coming in early before work started, he looked so good in his carhartt jacket and big boots, not yet dirty from a days work. he'd make sure you were the one to make his coffee, always mumbling something about you having a secret gift as he grinned, letting his hand linger over yours when he'd take his cup.

the tension between the two of you was palpable, your friends and co-workers would make jokes about how no one needed to read romance books in there anymore, they had a whole story playing out in front of them.

you would always laugh and smile at their comments, smitten over the idea of being with rafe but there was always the lingering thought that it was just friendly flirting. nothing more. he probably had a girlfriend, or a wife or something. he was too old and too gorgeous, why would he actually want anything to do with little old you.

these thoughts had you spiralling significantly on one particular day; what if you were wasting all your time and feelings on this older guy that would never want you? would you ever get over him? would you be alone forever?

you were zoning out - hard - as you slid the last few books of your shift onto the shelf, you nearly jumped out of your skin when you saw him standing in front of you with a grin.

"sorry, did i give you a fright?" he mumbled, steadying you with his touch, "'thought you'd heard me when i said y'name but there must be s'much goin' on in that head of yours."

you took a breathe and smiled weakly at him, not being able to shake your pessimistic thoughts from seconds before as he stood in front of you, handsome and speaking.

"no, sorry- lots on my mind i guess" you shrugged, fiddling with your fingers. rafe's brow furrowed, he'd seen you stressed and frustrated because of work but never like this, anxious and pensive.

he tilted his head a little, "what's wrong hm?" he softly coaxed, looking deep into your eyes as he reached out and rubbed your arm with his thumb.

you looked up at him through your lashes, "nothing.. nothing really..." you mumbled, chewing your lip a little.

his gaze darkened as he watched you, "something you wanna ask me bunny?"

you shook your head after shuddering at the nickname. a nickname only rafe used with you, it never failed to give you goosebumps down your body and cause your thighs to squeeze together a little, "don't worry.. er, i'm about to close up in a minute - you don't mind walking me to my car do you?"

his pursed lips melted into a smile and he looked up for a second before nodding. you smiled at him before finally putting away the last few things and grabbing the bookstore's keys. rafe followed you out as you left the store and locked the doors from the outside.

"cold tonight hmm" rafe remarked, looking out at the dim parking lot and neighbouring streets as he walked close to you. you hummed in agreement, readjusting the jacket tighter around you.

when you finally reached your car you looked up at him with a longing smile before he tilted his head, grinning at you, "you gonna tell me what you were thinking about earlier?"

you shook your head, nerves chewing at your lip again.

"c'mon, 'm not gonna see you tomorrow, 'ts your day off bunny, can't make me just wonder all this time hm?" he playfully whined, inching his body closer to yours. you were a little stunned by his words.

"you remember my day off's tomorrow?" the nerves were rising in your tummy now, bubbling around and exploding.

he smirked, sliding your hand into his, "course i'd know when the only reason i go into that bookshop isn't there."

"rafe" you gushed, covering your face a little and shaking your head. you couldn't believe your ears, you thought you weren't stupid or anything but here you were, hearing that he wanted you the whole time. "i thought you were just.. i don't know, entertaining the idea of me this whole time..."

his lips parted and brow furrowed as if it was completely incomprehensible that he might've not actually wanted you, "bunny... you must be talking pure shit now because i thought i'd made it obvious i wanted you from the second i'd gotten to know you."

you chewed at your lip, heat pooling in your tummy as he instinctively inched closer to you as he spoke. all you wanted to do now was jump his bones, and you kept glancing down at the bulge in his pants as it became closer and closer to you.

he noticed your wandering eyes and laughed a little, throwing his head back before sliding both hands up your arms carefully, "...so you said you don't have heating huh?"

you nodded, feeling dizzy at the realisation of what he was about to ask you.

he scoffed with a grin, "see, i've got heating at my place that works pretty well, and - bunny, with the way you're looking at me right now, i think we're better off going there."

you smiled, staring up at him through your lashes before nodding and in an instant he'd grabbed your hand, leading you to his truck. the drive was probably fairly quick, but it felt like hours of agony to the both of you as you patiently waited. rafe's hand was possessively gripping your thigh and you felt wetness in your panties thinking about where else his hands would trail to.

it was a blur, stumbling out of his truck and into his house, you barely looked at the place before the two of you, sloppy and all over each other, had made it to his bedroom. your body was on vibrate but he took a second to take his huge jacket and long sleeve shirt off.

you breathed heavily, eyes widening when street light through the window illuminated his toned chest, he was built like a greek god and you nearly moaned at the thought of all that being all over you.

he teasingly peeled your clothes off, article by article, grinning all the way. he could see you twitching and heavily breathing at every movement, it only fuelled him more.

finally you were in nothing but panties and a bra, matching of course, which made rafe's eyes go wild, "jesus, look at you." he breathed, running his hands along the side of your body as you lay under him.

you slid your arms around his neck and tried to pull him in but he grinned at your lack of strength and you frowned playfully, squirming at the lack of action.

"you gonna ask nicely bunny?" his lips were centimetres away from yours, he was really enjoying teasing you now.

"please... please i want you inside me so bad" you whined, pouting and running your hands into his shaggy mullet. he smirked and leaned in, passionately pressing his lips to yours, engulfing you in heat.

your hands pulled at his jeans, ripping down the zipper as you slid a palm across his clothed cock, gasping at his lips over how big you found him to be.

he tugged himself out of his boxers before lowering down to your core, you burned with desire as you watched the greek god looming over you, slowly bully his cock into your weeping hole.

you groaned at the feeling, his cock slowly slipping all the way down, filling you to the hilt. your grip around his neck tightened, along with his hands holding you steady at your hips.

he drilled into you at an unrelenting pace, the sound of his cock diving in and out of your wet pussy causing him to groan gutturally, "uhghh, you like this big cock baby? c'mon, tell me you've been thinking about daddy's cock since you met me hmm"

you eyes were rolling back, the pleasure becoming too much already, "mmmh i think about daddy's cock all the time... oh! fuuuck."

you looked down at your tummy, a clear huge bulge poking everytime rafe drove his dick into you, only making you dizzier. he was just so big.

a creamy line of arousal was thick around the base of rafe's cock, your breath all ragged as he continued to drill into you, toying with your clit to overstimulate you.

you were shaking under him, one hand gripping onto a bicep and the other tugging the sheets beside you. the sheer girth of him was splitting you open, rafe grinned at the yelps escaping your lips with every thrust.

"pussy's swallowing me whole, fuck bunny" he grunted into your lips, launching in for yet another seering kiss while his thrusts became sloppy but deeper. plap-plap-plap filled the room along with your pornographic moans.

"nghh daddy, i'm- oh, g'na cum!" you cried, nails digging into his flesh.

he was panting into your neck, "'know baby, can feel your pussy milking me- fuuuuuck" you felt the rush of your orgasm as rafe's thick white ropes coated your insides. he continued to thrust into you a few more times, watching your pussy swallow all his cum before pulling out.

"such a good bunny, look at that shit.." he mumbled, dragging a finger over your wet whole, playing with and pushing his release back into you. "so wet..."

he dipped his head down, lapping up both your juices that had coated your folds. you twitched from the sensation, still recovering from his cock.

"rafeee- oh god- too sensitive.." you whined, hand laced in his hair. he lifted his head and looked at you with a grin, his moustache gleaming with wetness.

"oh bunny now that i've had you, shit, i'm never letting my little girl go."

[harmonicakai]

Like Real People Do

Pairing: Gyuvin x Reader

Summary: You find yourself falling for the cute boy whose writing assignments you proofread, and discover that your lives have been intertwined for longer than you thought.

Tropes: tutor!reader, basketball player!gyuvin, writers, soulmates, college AU, fluff

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: literally none it’s so cute

A/N: This is a formal apology for my Beomgyu angst <3

“And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?” —Invisible String, Taylor Swift

Gyuvin certainly doesn’t need any help with English, but it gives him a good excuse to spend time in between classes and basketball practice staring at you.

If anything, your talents would be better suited to helping one of his classmates understand all the old poems or crazy novels that they get assigned, but he’s the one who lucked out when your former professor suggested you read her most promising student’s work.

From the first draft, you were hooked, and had somehow started a writer’s circle where just the two of you meet weekly to share your works in progress. 

In no time, you’ve helped Gyuvin become one of the top students in Writing 101, and he’s worried you’ll notice that he’d be just fine if you stopped helping him. Still, the A’s keep rolling in and you keep meeting up with him anyway.

When Gyuvin’s latest short story gets nominated for a departmental prize, you’re over the moon for him.

“You are so amazing,” you smile up at him. “We should celebrate! That’s a really big deal. I was nominated last year, but didn’t come close to winning.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he points out, looking down at the ground and rubbing the back of his neck. “Really, Y/N. If I win, it would be just as much your prize as it would be mine.”

“Don’t be silly,” you say, packing up the rest of your lunch. You usually only see him in the library at your designated meeting time, but today, he sought you out in the courtyard to make sure you were the first person he told. “I’m just the editor. All of the ideas came from you. Plus, I’m only good at English because I grew up speaking it. It’s much more impressive for you to have learned it recently and write at the level that you do.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Y/N,” he replies, helping you up off your picnic blanket. Before you can do it yourself, he’s already reaching down to fold it, his long arms handling the fabric with ease. “You’d write circles around me any day.”

“I don’t want to get into another compliment war,” you giggle, swinging your backpack over your shoulder. Recently, it’s been filled with way too many books, and your classes are so jam-packed that you never have time to run back to your room in between them.

“Here, Y/N, let me,” he says, taking your backpack from you. He’s already got his own on, but he wears yours over his front, barely even flinching at the extra weight. “Where are you headed next? I’m done with my classes for the day, so I can walk you.”

He’s always been desperate to ask you to hang out outside of your brainstorming sessions, but every time he thinks he’s worked up the courage, you’ll laugh or smile or even just glance at him and his brain short circuits.

“I have a music class across campus in thirty minutes,” you reply. “Don’t you live the other way, though? You really don’t have to walk me. It’s pretty far.”

“I want to,” Gyuvin reassures you. He offers his hand. “Here. I walk pretty fast, so let’s make sure I don’t leave you behind.”

You hesitate for a moment before taking it. You’ve had a crush on Gyuvin ever since the two of you first crossed paths—he’s the literal embodiment of sunshine trapped inside a cute boy—but things have only ever been friendly between the two of you.

His hand is big, wrapping itself around yours almost entirely. The walk is silent, although you swear you can hear your heart about to beat out of your chest as you pull him along your usual route. Gyuvin makes sure to always let you lead.

“You know,” you start, still not looking back at him. “We’re kind of like Orpheus and Eurydice right now.”

Gyuvin lights up at the reference, with mythology being one of the first things you two really bonded over. “If you looked back at me, the only thing I’d probably die of is how cute you are, Y/N.”

You’re glad you’re turned away so he can’t see the bright blush that’s spread across your cheeks. His words get you so flustered that you don’t even notice you’ve stopped walking.

“Did I say something wrong?” Gyuvin asks, his voice laced with concern. He moves to face you, your height difference causing him to crane his neck down. Meanwhile, your gaze is locked on your shoes.

“Gyuvin,” you say, still refusing to meet his eye. You pull him over to a nearby bench. “Remember when I said I liked the love story you wrote the other day?”

“Yeah, I remember,” he confirms. “You complimented me on how realistic it was and I told you it was only because I based it off of real life.”

“Was it…” your words catch in your throat, unable to face the embarrassment of if you’re wrong. “Was it about us?”

“Yes,” he admits almost immediately. You finally turn to face him, greeted by a nervous look. “Listen, Y/N. I only wrote it because I knew you’d read it, and I thought maybe if you saw how good characters that were a lot like us could be together, you’d give me a chance in real life. But you didn’t really notice, or maybe you just wanted to ignore it, so I kind of abandoned all hope of us ever being together.”

You blink back at him. How could you be so oblivious? Your entire major was based on analyzing words, and you couldn’t even see that he wanted to be with you so badly that he had to write it into existence.

Words always come easy to you, except at this very moment.

“You abandoned all hope?” is all you can manage to get out. You try to pull your hand away, but he only grips it tighter.

“I tried,” Gyuvin says, his voice soft. “But you’re all I ever think about. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be capable of writing someone who even comes close to how wonderful I think you are, Y/N. There just aren’t words to describe all the ways in which you’re special to me.”

You laugh, his words making tears well up in your eyes. “You know, I used to go to basketball games a lot before we even met, just so I wouldn’t have to feel so lonely all the time. And I remember liking your smile and the way you always encouraged your teammates. I would go home and wish I had someone like you in my life.”

“You’re kidding,” he says, taking out his wallet. You knit your brows in confusion, watching as he pulls out a small piece of paper and unfolds it. “Here.”

He hands it to you and your eyes widen at the words printed out. It’s the poem that you had published in the school’s literary magazine last spring about wanting to romanticize your life. Talking about your feelings makes you anxious, but nobody reads those publications. Except for Gyuvin, apparently.

“I liked you before we even met, too,” Gyuvin confesses. “Your poem is actually the reason I got into writing in the first place. I used to read it before all of my games, but I know all the words by heart now, so I just keep it in my wallet for good luck.”

This all feels too good to be true, but his touch keeps you grounded in reality.

“Maybe I should start coming to basketball games again, then,” you think out loud. “I stopped going because I felt awkward not knowing anybody.”

“Well, now you’d know me, and I’ll make sure the whole team gets to know you, too, okay?” The way he smiles at you, his eyes so full of light, takes your breath away.

“Really?” you ask, looking at him in disbelief. The thought of meeting so many new people at the same time scares you, but if Gyuvin likes them, you’re sure you will too.

“On one condition,” he says, closing the gap between the two of you. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his hand settling on your cheek. “I get to introduce you as my girlfriend.”

“Deal,” you grin, inching closer until your lips are pressed against his. You’re nervous that he’ll somehow figure out that you’ve only ever read about kissing in books, but the way he melts into you tells you that he doesn’t mind.

“You’re going to be late for class,” Gyuvin reminds you, pulling away. He desperately wants to keep going, but not at the expense of your grades.

“Class can wait,” you say, leaning in for another kiss. Your fingers lace themselves through his soft, messy hair. “I said we’d celebrate your nomination, so let’s celebrate.”

[petermorwood]

Recently I got roped (ha) into an Age of Sail roleplay, and decided I wanted to play the ship's cook. I then realized I don't know too much about provisioning a ship in the Age of Sail! I figured you'd be the sort of fellow to know where I could find resources on that kind of information though?

Well, for a start I recommend sending a similar Ask to @ltwilliammowett (Beat To Quarters) who knows far more about The Age of Sail / Wooden Ships & Iron Men subject than I do.

*****

In the meanwhile here are a couple of books, both of which you may well be able to get through your library, or buy pretty cheaply for your research library. They're also an entertaining read.

The first was recommended to me by Terry Pratchett - "'If you haven't read it, you should!" - when we were at a con together and he was researching "Nation".

It's "Feeding Nelson's Navy" by Janet MacDonald, available here as an ebook and from Amazon as a Kindle Unlimited free read.

The second is "Lobscouse & Spotted Dog" by Anne Chotzinoff Grossman & Lisa Grossman Thomas.

Funny how both books use the same period image - "Shipmates Carousing Below Decks" by William Pyne - as cover art.

"Lobscouse" deals with the same period as "Navy", while also being the author-approved official cookbook of Patrick O'Brian's "Aubrey / Maturin" novels.

Here's a Reddit about making dishes from it, and here's a blog page about making Spotted Dog and why Suet Makes a Difference.

I've already posted about the role correct cooking fats play in making traditional dishes "taste right", and since Atora brand makes both carnivore and vegetarian suets, it's worth tracking down.

Here's a blog page which summarises the Age of Sail diet - think of it as an exam crib to tide you over until you get the books and learn more.

*****

Here's Max Miller of "Tasting History" making lobscouse:

And here are Dylan Hollis and Max making that ubiquitous on-board delicacy and culinary ingredient, ship's biscuit (hardtack / hard-tack / hard tack).

Something very similar was still issued as a ration item at the beginning of the 20th century and into World War One. J.R.R. Tolkien would certainly have encountered Biscuits, Ration, H&P, Army No.4...

...and may well have used them as a basis for the waybread "cram" as mentioned in "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings". This description has the ring (hah!) of familiarity about it.

"If you want to know what cram is, I can only say that I don’t know the recipe; but it is biscuitish, keeps good indefinitely, is supposed to be sustaining, and is certainly not entertaining, being in fact very uninteresting except as a chewing exercise." "The Hobbit" ch.13, "Not at Home"

No.4 biscuits were so hard that soldiers could use them as substitutes for wood...

...and Nelson's sailors probably did the same with theirs.

*****

Terry Pratchett took this wooden quality and - with the dial turned up to eleven - transformed it into the rocky quality of Dwarf bread.

Here's a health nut's real-life version of a healthy nut loaf...

...while this is an example of sedimentary conglomerate rock.

With a bit of judicious cropping, the captions could be swapped and a casual glance would never notice.

Of course this post wouldn't be complete without a certain GIF.

So...

*****

To finish, a few links to more video.

One (12 years ago).

Two - 1 year, including some of the ship's biscuit made in that first one (!)

Three - also 1 year, featuring other dishes - pease pudding ("dog's body"), lobscouse and plum duff. Oh, and ship's biscuit ...

Those are from Townsends, another great source for 18th century food and cooking.

This last example is by Dan Snow, in an extract from a longer History Hits documentary, and is a short general overview of period Navy rations - and of course, ship's biscuit... :->

HTH !

[cherrixpie]

Hiiiii I’m so so excited for your requests being open!!! Also CONGRATS ON 300!!!!!!! so deserved.

If it’s alright, may I please req an Enzo fic or headcanon list where reader is like very day dreamy? Like very head in the clouds type of person, preferably Ravenclaw!reader? Anything else is up to you

Thank you so so much for reading my req, and happy new year!

↬ enzo x dreamy!ravenclaw!reader

I imagine your first encounter being when you ran into him in the corridors one day, completely caught up in one of your vivid daydreams, when you, not for the first time (that day) run straight into someone.

You apologize profusely to the pretty slytherin boy you ran into, his cute smile only worsening your embarrassment.

Despite being in the same grade, you only know so much as a last name about him. Your friend groups have no overlap at all, you barely have any classes together and you have a hard time concentrating in those, so you had never greatly noticed a lot of things about him.

Like how cute and radiant his smile is. How good you could drown in those brown eyes of his. How gentle his hands are, even when he's picking up old schoolbooks. His dimples. His smooth voice. How kind he is, despite you staring at him for a good minute, completely lost in thought (and his eyes)

You are awkward and stutter a lot, but Enzo thinks it's cute. Though he does recommend you see Madam Pomphrey for advice in case you need glasses. At this, you explain your habit of daydreaming, feeling embarrassed, but he only comments how this must be the creative spirit of Ravenclaw

Ever since then, you can't help but notice him more often. You tend to wake out of your daydreams in class whenever Enzo says something, and you notice that he's a good student and almost always right.

You also notice a lot of other things. How he crouches down to pet every cat that crosses his path. How he seems to be Mattheo Riddle’s cooling down pill. That he tends to spill ink on his fingers from writing so fast and proceeds to clean them with a silken handkerchief.

The next time you properly meet is in Hogsmeade’s book store. The Hogwarts library doesn't have many novels and even less muggle books, so you get your supply from Hogsmeade. You run into each other in the muggle section, greeting each other shyly and you somehow find yourself recommending a book.

You thought that would be the end of it, even though your thoughts sometimes slip away to a parallel universe where you could spend more time drowning in those brown eyes. But it isn't.

Only a week later, Enzo calls out to you after class (he has to call your name several times), running up to you and thanking you for the recommendation. Since books are one of the few things you can actually concentrate on, you end up discussing the novel with him in great detail.

That evening in the library, Enzo comes to sit next to you at your usual desk. You realize you can keep your mind on school stuff much better when he's around, somehow. But over your hopeless pining, you tend to miss the flush of his cheeks and flustered expression whenever you accidentally touch hands or you talk passionately about a book.

His friends start noticing that he hangs out with that one Ravenclaw girl that always seems a thousand miles away recently, especially when he starts walking you to classes you have together instead of going with them.

They tease Enzo for falling for someone who's got their heads in the clouds all the time, for ditching them for the quiet mooncalf ravenclaw girl in their grade, but he only scoffs about their teasing remarks and smiles to himself, making them holler with glee.

It took a while for you two to actually cross your platonic boundaries, though. Mainly because his attempts and nudges went right over your oblivious head and you stocked up all signs to your amorous daydreams. Enzo couldn't possibly like you like that, right? It had to be a fickle of your imagination.

Little did you know that Enzo was growing quite desperate as time went on and you failed to pick up on any of his hints. Or did you, and ignored them because you weren't interested in him romantically?

He had one or two smaller breakdowns with his friends who kept reassuring him that he just had to man up and ask you out.

When he finally did, you spaced out for a good few seconds, making him sweat with increasing unrest. When you finally got your mind back, you agreed enthusiastically, stumbling over your words and blushing furiously. Enzo was beyond relieved.

As your boyfriend, Enzo insists on walking you to every class, even those you don't have together, because your daydreaming not only makes you knock into people, objects or walls, but your sparse concentrations on your surroundings (he is the exception) makes you prone to fall for trick steps, false doors or moving stairs.

Enzo loves to listen to you talk. When you trail off in the middle of a sentence, fall silent and stare into space for a while, he waits patiently, caressing your thigh in gentle brushes and waiting for you to return to him.

Sometimes he will ask you to tell him about his daydreams, and when you do, you compliments your creativity and kisses away your embarrassment.

It's much easier to concentrate with Enzo around since his presence alone has the effect that it draws your attention, therefore anchoring you in the present. Especially effective is his touch, though he is a little shy about that.

Enzo would frown and glare at anyone who laughs about you behind your back, even if you tell him it doesn't bother you. If people tease you badly to the point of hurting you, he will call up his friends.

Is that… Mattheo Riddle and Theodore Nott beating up the Gryffindor guy that made fun of you? No, no, darling, don't look at that, just walk with me, yeah?

Enzo calls you his dreamy girl, affectionately referring to you as “dreamy” in general.

He makes sure to write extra orderly when he takes notes in class so they can be of use to you later in case you spaced out in class. When you study together, he always makes sure you drink enough because you tend to forget taking proper care of yourself sometimes.

If the hustle and bustle of school life makes you shifty and nervous, he looks for an empty classroom for the two of you to sit and talk, or lean into each other in silence while runs his fingers through your hair.

You are nervous around his friends, but once they realized how serious Enzo was about you, they have stopped teasing him (so much). Instead, they (at least some of them) make an effort to make you feel welcome (and maybe even making up for bullying you in the past pshhh)

Enzo is absolutely enamored with you and your endearing habits, and he feels honored by your trust. While you could get lost in daydreams for hours, he could spend an eternity being lost in you.

[mayuichi]

Spending your birthday with them.

Include:

Genshin Impact [ Alhaitham, Wriothesley, Heizou ]

Honkai: Star Rail [ Aventurine & Veritas Ratio ]

Persona 5 [ Akechi Goro ]

Moriarty the Patriot [ William James Moriarty & Fred Porlock ]

Content Warning: fem!reader, I'm sorry for men that may read this! If you easily switch pronouns in your mind then go ahead, but there's mention of the reader wearing a dress at some point! (kind of irrevelant though, so I think you can imagine something else then?), pet names and.. that's all i think-. it's just a fluff so...

may's note: im so sorry i took so long to come back!! ive got a lot on my plate recently, i had planned another oneshot to come out but but BUUT!! My best friend's birthday is right around the corner when I write this (aha just a day before.. hi..) so im writing this for her, with her favourites and some that i know she loves <3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! I HOPE YOULL HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AND THAT YOU GOT THAT PLUSH YOU WANTED TO GO WITH AVENTURINE!! ive kinda rushed this to come out ngl, because its been a month im like "i have the time" until i didnt have time anymore.. sorry if it sucks :(

This artwork has been made by susucre! Do not steal/use it! every other used for the headers are official arts!

Even if he doesn't want to, he has duties now. Or at least, unexpected duties. But you can be sure Alhaitham always makes some time for you. How can he not? You're his sweetheart. Well, he isn't one to give sweet names but he still thinks so.

However, how could've you expect him to forget about your birthday? It's once a year, and he doesn't really care much about them usually. But we're talking about you. Of course he can't forget about it. He wants you happy, and he knows you'd hate if he doesn't at least wish you a happy birthday.

But what was your surprise when you find him still in bed, beside you, his right arm drapped over you as he reads from the other. Isn't he supposed to be at work, at the Akademiya? You don't even have the time to inquire, he saw your eyes fluttering open.

“Good morning.„ he briefly looks over you, before focusing back onto his book. But he strokes your side with his hand gently. He isn't much of a talker, but his small gestures are everything, aren't they?

He rapidly finishes his page, and places the book down to turn to you. “I'll let you take a shower and I'll prepare you breakfast.„ you can't even reply that he's already out of bed and heading to the kitchen. You'll just have to go shower.

It's your special day. Of course you'll wear a pretty dress, you want to feel extra pretty for today. When done, you head to the living room, finding him waiting for you to eat. It isn't a feast, but more than enough for the both of you. The silence is comfortable, only your breathing.

“Where are you going?„ he inquires when he sees you about to open the front door. You thought you'd go on a walk. “I haven't overworked myself for a week so I could have a full day off for you to ditch me, you know?„

It wasn't much, maybe even a bit offensive for some. But the idea that he paid attention enough to be certain to have a complete day off for you is enough to make you smile. And so, you chuckle and walk towards him.

“The weather is nice. It's sunny. We should go out together, don't you think?„ you tilt your head, waiting for his approval.. or for a compromise.

“It is. It's the perfect weather to do nothing at all. Or to read next to a window.„ without further notice, he stands and pulls you with him to the nearby window. Making you sit in his lap, he pulls out a book and rests his chin on top of your head.

“Maybe it isn't the best birthday you'll ever have, but I hope my company is enough.„ he isn't necessarily insecure, far from it even. But it's your special day. He just wants to make you happy, doesn't he?

And even if he says so, just reading in his lap with him, is enough. Spending time with him makes it nicer. Leaning further into his chest, you sigh and start to read with him. He's careful to wait for you, to ensure you finished before he actually turns the page.

He'll take breaks from time to time to make you both a drink, or to let you talk a bit. It isn't partying, but being able to spend the day together, reading and talking, without him possibly thinking about his duties is a luxury he doesn't always allow himself.

And he's more than glad for it to be with you.

∞ ₒ ˚ ° 𐐒˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ⋆·˚ ༘ *︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚༊*·˚

Until now, Wriothesley was used to stay in the Fortress most of his time. It never bothered him. Sigewinne keeps him company, and his prisoners aren't too bad most of the time. Even Neuvillette or Clorinde comes visit him from time to time.

But it changed when he met you. He didn't want you to be that often in the Fortress, and yet he couldn't help but want you. You don't know it, but he even asked Neuvillette for your birthday. It has never been that much of a talk in between you. You were both kind of over it after all. You aren't toddlers for who it is extremely important to get one year older.

But he wants your first birthday with him to be special, to be something you'd remember. He wants to make this day amazing. And for that, he had to have permissions and ensure the paperwork was done before that day. He had to be prepared for any possibility, to be called in for an emergency if someone tried to escape, or if they get overwhelmed and for your day to be ruined.

But he was willing to take that risk.

On your occasional weekly visit, you both talk and drink tea together, as any other time. You're not sure when, yet now, he has you in his arms, holding you close. It is as if he believed you were leaving. He's quick to compose himself and just steals a kiss from you, to hide his worries behind that smirk he always has when he surprises you.

“By the way, I've heard your birthday is soon, isn't it?„ you raise an eyebrow. You haven't told him, yet he knows. “Would you like us to spend the day together?„

You were so sure he meant inside the Fortress of Meropide, that when he mentioned that it wouldn't be there, but in the city, your eyes widened. Of course, you firstly worried about his work. It isn't like he's just a guard who could take a day off or a sick day. He has a prison to keep in place.

But he assured you it'd be alright. And so you trust him. There's no reason for you not to.

Your birthday was soon to come, and you waited for him in front of the Fortress' entrance. Dressed in a pretty outfit, that you kept on for this occasion, you obviously felt amazing. And upon seeing you, Wriothesley grinned. “Someone made herself extra beautiful for today.„

His tone flirty, he wraps his left arm around your waist and pulls you close, pressing his lips on your hair. “It suits you perfectly. But you're always beautiful.„ his words meant the world to you.

And so began the day. Wriothesley is careful, meticulous even. He makes sure you stay hydrated, well fed and have fun. If you want a pastry, he'll buy it without a second thought. This piece of jewerly looks pretty on you? He'll offer it to you, no matter the cost.

It's weird for everyone to see the Duke out of the Fortress. He's respected for sure, and well known. You hold hands all day long, sometimes stealing kisses when you're in a alley or when no one's looking.

When the sun fades away to let the moon takes place, stars show up too. Now sitting near the water, you both look up at the navy blue sky. Wriothesley lets out a sigh and clears his throat. “I hope you had fun. I'm not sure when I'd be capable to have such a long time outside the Fortress without it being work related.„

Sure or not, you're just happy he manages to have time for you. And he's relieved everything went smoothly. He leans closer to you, his lips grazing your cheek. “Happy birthday.„

And even if it has caused him some stress, he's ready to do it over again next year if it makes him see your eyes so sparkly and shiny with delightment and happiness.

He'd risk anything to see you smile and hear your laughers echoing in his ears.

-ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹｡ₓ ू ₒ ु ˚ ‧̫‧ ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛-

The good part of being a detective is that he knows how to not leave any clue about his true intentions. And so, he can surprise you whenever he wants and you won't even realise he has planned it for a while!

Since Heizou can hardly take a day off recently, you agreed it'd be better if you spend the day with your friends and just leave your evening for him.

It was an amazing day, your friends and you strolled around the city, went to some fancy places and just spoiled you entirely. But it felt off, knowing that Heizou wasn't with you like you wished he could've.

They dropped you by your house, and with a sigh, you stepped inside. Of course Heizou wasn't home yet. It wasn't surprising, he's quite overwhelmed with work lately. Yet there was a small disappointment in your chest. Your heart was a bit heavier. But you brush it off.

By the time he gets home, you had just finished preparing dinner. He steps closer with that shitty grin and clears his throat. “Such a sweetie, making dinner when I hoped I'd have time to treat you today.„ of course, he doesn't want you to do any effort for today, but his schedule decided otherwise.

And so, with a swift movement, he shoves a bouquet against your chest. “I know it isn't much compared to how it could've been nicer to spend the day together, but I hope it'll make it up for it a bit.„

Heizou has always been a romantic at heart, he loves it when he sees your cheeks flushing and feels your breath growing faster from his teasing. And he's delighted to see that sweet blush spreading slowly.

Leaning in close, he takes your hands in his, and presses a chaste kiss on your lips. “Let's eat dinner and enjoy the time we have tonight, alright? I need to make it up for you.„

He lets you take care of the bouquet first, ensuring it won't die just yet. He teases you about your day, plays with you some games and even let you win for once. And needless to say the night ends in something.. more than just flirt and teasing.

But he hopes next year won't be as busy, so he can treat you like the princess you are in his eyes.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *. *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ☽ ✧˖*°࿐ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A gambler. That's what he'll always be no matter what, no matter the day. He needs to work every single day, to be a good asset for the IPC. He can't afford losing. He will never accept it.

But today, Aventurine thought it'd be nice to let you experience gambling too. Well, not as much as he usually does, but more in a regular casino. He's obviously well known here, and has some free drinks. But he wants you to enjoy it too.

He teaches you how to do, the ropes of each games. To guess when to stop, and more importantly of course, to understand the rules and that losing can cost a lot. But deep down, Aventurine doesn't give a fuck about how much money you'll lose. He has way more than someone can think of.

Each games were fun, but you hated seeing those girls eyeing him like you don't exist. Don't they see you, the gorgeous girl sitting next to him, with who he holds hands? Or perhaps they don't care. But it frustrates you.

Even more so when one comes closer and accidentally spills wine on Aventurine's jacket. He doesn't react at first. But he grows more and more impatient as she tries to clean her mess.

But he got fed up when she literally sat in between the both of you. Who does she think she is? “Excuse me, Miss,„ with a dry chuckle and bright smile, he stands up and walks behind her, “don't you see her?„

Swiftly, almost as if he has always been ready for it, he pulls you close, your head resting on his chest. Your face flushes bright red of course, but you don't say anything. “She already holds the string. And compared to you, she doesn't care about my money. So if you please, do not dare to bother us further on her special day.„

He leads you away, and yet, casts them a last glance, “Except if you want to face the consequences, that is. But I doubt you would like it.„

He'd never let anyone makes you feel inferior, nor worthless, and even less when it's supposed to be your day. The day he caters to your every need without any complaint or question.

Upon arriving to a new game, away from those nuisance, he holds your hand in his, pressing his forehead against yours. “I'm sorry, darling. But I promise you, you're the only one in my eyes. The prettiest, the cutest, and the most loveable woman I've ever set my eyes on.„

He'd cherish you. He knows the pain, and he wants to keep you away from it. He struggles at time, but every effort is worth of your smile. Every day is a delight to get home to you, to know you're his, and that he's yours.

That he has a home. A home with you.

☆.｡.:*　❥　-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-　☽　.｡.:*☆

What were you thinking when you first confessed to him? Of course you thought he'd reject you. We're talking about Veritas Ratio. But to your surprise, he accepted! But maybe you should've been careful... He's a teacher.

It isn't uncommon for Veritas Ratio to call you stupid or dumb, because you don't understand something or that you made a mistake on something simple. But you also know he'll always be here for you.

Compared to one of his colleage, he isn't particularly rich. Don't get me wrong, he is completely financially stable, and he won't be anytime soon the type to get ruined. But basically, if you need special teaching in something he doesn't master, he won't hesitate to help you with it.

He can't help but put intellect into a bit everything he does. But he knows it can piss you off at times, especially when it's not the moment for it.

Today, he has a long day. Longer than intended. So you nicely bring him lunch. Yet he requests of you to stay until his break is over. You know he isn't one to care about birthdays, but he does remember them if he is supposed to know them. Yours is no exception.

“I'm going to be home later than usual tonight, but perhaps you have any wish for how we spend our time?„ it isn't often that he lets you so openly choose. But you don't wait more time to ask if you could watch a movie and snuggle. You need nothing more than some rest, and so does he.

Laughers fill the empty classroom, except for the both of you. He knows when to not overdo it, especially with you. He will never admit it entirely, but he doesn't want to risk losing you. He can't. Not when you bring him so much by just existing.

There's a reason why he doesn't want you to be to close to that blonde, don't you think? But it doesn't matter.

In the evening, after you shared dinner, you set on the couch with him, snuggling up. His left hand caressing your side while his right one is holding a pen. Of course he can't only watch a movie, he needs to keep on going with his paperwork. But he doesn't entirely focus on it.

However, from time to time, you'd hear from Veritas that he clicks his tongue. He seems rather.. unpleased. And when you take a look, you don't see anything wrong. “Of course you don't, you're too much of an idiot to realise that student's mistake. What a pity.„

Unfortunately for you, you dared to ask what was the mistake.. and now you're in for a lecture. He sits you up and explains to you, in a rather annoyed tone. It isn't a surprise to say that you both don't even noticed when the movie has finished.

You're about to stand up when he holds you back, pulling you in his lap. “Don't you dare run away from my lecture. You asked to know, so you'll know.„ It promises to be an interesting evening and night, especially if you try to push your luck.

Veritas will make sure you get the appropriate punishment if his patience runs out by the time he's done with you.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ੈ✩‧₊˚ೃ⁀➷˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚.ೃ࿐

Have you ever imagined he'd steal your heart? A detective by day, a Phantom Thief by night. He earned his title well, he's definitely a prince in your eyes.

“Are you still listening?„ Akechi inquires. You have to admit, you weren't. You were too charmed into his eyes, shining as he shares his day with you.

“I've been thinking, there's an amusement park not far from here. Would you like to go with me?„ he asks. He isn't really scared of asking you on a date anymore. Of course, he couldn't help but feel like he isn't enough at times. But you love him, right? He can't let his insecurities win over.

And so, you are now on a date with him, on your birthday. He cares for a bit everything. He makes sure the sun isn't hitting you too hard, that you drink enough, and especially have fun.

You're the only one lucky enough to see him almost constantly out of his detective prince persona. To know the real him. He has his issues, and sometimes he may snaps at you. But he apologises and proves that he changes. He already does, but he tries to make sure you know he's willing to become better for you.

You're his light, and he can't lose you. At first, he even thought you loved that coffee shop's employee, but he felt lucky when you reciprocated his feelings.

Since then, Akechi would take you out often. To the beach, at restaurant, or even just for a walk. He wants you to know he cares, and he wants you only. He needs to be careful though, but he makes it work out.

Getting into a bit every attractions, he even ends up winning you a teddy bear. No one is ever too old for one after all, right? As he hands it to you, he presses a kiss on your lips, soft and tender, as if he wants the time to stop.

The sun sets slowly, and you get into the Ferris Wheel to end up the day. It's cozy, just the two of you. He holds you close, his nose in your hair as he breathes in your scent. “Happy birthday, my love.„

Why would he need to say anything more? Your heart races, and you look up at him with a sheepish smile. No one can mistake that expression on both of your faces. You're so undeniably in love with each other.

“I know I fucked up, especially when you discovered what I've done. But I'll become better. For you, and for us. So please, stay with me.„ he couldn't help but squeezing you tighter against him, as if you won't allow him time.

“I love you. So fucking much.„ he whispers as the sun disappears from view, letting the moon rise slowly. He'll always do his best for you, to be worthy of you.

Because he loves you. And he'll make every birthday from now on special for you.

·:¨༺ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　✮　☄. *. ⋆ ༻¨:·

It took him time to allow himself to be vulnerable in front of you. To allow you to see the worst part of him. To see the monster beneath. He was certain he'd lose you. And yet, you're still here, beside him.

William is more than delighted to know you aren't ready to leave him. To know you'll stay. He doesn't entirely understand his feelings himself, but he has them, and that's all that matters.

To say William cares about birthdays is an understatement. He doesn't make big things, but he shows his care for sure. So don't you dare think you'll be an exception.

He has been quite busy lately, but he made sure he'd be here for your birthday. From waking to sleep. He stays in bed with you until you stir awake. Your eyes flutter open, the first sight being his blonde locks.

He presses a gentle kiss on your forehead and lets you get ready while he goes preparing breakfast for you. Going downstairs, you smell the sweet scent of food filling your nose.

He serves you, as well as himself, before eating and letting you talk of whatever comes in your mind. He could listen to you all day long, but today wasn't that. He'd spend some quality time with you, no matter what.

He helps you putting on your coat, and holds your hand as you get inside the carriage. He feels your head resting on his shoulder, and he simply caresses the back of your hand with his thumb.

Getting into town, he dismisses the carriage for now. No need for that. He wants you to enjoy the place. If there's something appealing to you, he'll be ready to let you have it. But in the end, he's mostly the one who wants to buy you things.

A beautiful necklace, it'd go perfectly around your neck. Gesturing you to get closer, he carefully puts it around your neck and smiles. “It looks beautiful on you.„ his voice, smooth and quiet, holds so much love. Without hesitation, he buys it for you.

You walk hands in hands, past bakeries and shops, stopping when something would be nice for you. You're definitely spoiled, and it was unexpected for you. You aren't with William for his money, and he knows it. But today, he wants to make sure you'll remember it.

By the evening, inside the carriage to get back home, he lets you rest against him. It has been a tiring day after all, yet so thrilling. But the best was to come in his eyes.

Entering the manor, the living room has been decorated especially for you, a bouquet from Fred's garden waiting as well as a freshly baked cake by Louis. And they were all here too. Well, some like Sebastian aren't so happy, but they could make that effort.

He has planned it all, and it was worth it. For that smile, those happy tears, and those laughers and happiness filling the manor for the rest of the evening.

⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚︵‿︵‿୨✧༺♥༻∞୧‿︵‿︵‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

He has never been much of a talker. Ever since you both met, he mostly listened to you, no matter what you'd say. And he has a great memory too.

Fred is a caring man, he just stays quiet. He doesn't want to be noticed, he likes his tranquility, despite the circumstances of his current work under William. He absolutely adores the idea of being in charge of the garden, though.

He doesn't show it, but he appreciates plants and flowers. And whenever you may search him, you always find him there. He's peacefully repotting some flowers, to make sure they can grow further.

His head snaps up when you ask him if you can help. “Shouldn't you.. be with the others, celebrating your birthday..?„ he's unsure. He looks at you with suspicions, but in the end, he relents. You must have your reasons to not be celebrating it with them.

He loves spending time with you, but he doesn't want you to restrain yourself from having a good time just because he's tending to flowers.

But when he sees you, right here, with a smile as you carefully move a flower, it feels him with joy. He doesn't show his love much, he does it through small gestures like making sure there's always some of your favourite flowers in the bedroom for the scent. Or to stay with you throuhough breakfast.

It's those small gestures that makes you love him even more each day. And you just want to spend time with him, especially today.

He shyly scoots closer to you, to correct you. “You shouldn't be doing it like that.. it can hurt the roots.„ he doesn't scold you, he just tries to teach you.

Yet, he doesn't move away once done. He stays close. Until he gathered the courage to press his lips against your temple. “Happy birthday.„

It's cute, the way he quickly walks away to care for other plants. But you just thank him quietly. The day passes in a blur, and without even noticing, the moon is in the sky, and you're both still in the greenhouse.

He holds you tight against him, the garden not over yet but it's too late to keep working. And he has cut a rose to give you, making sure to also cut the thorns so you can't get hurt.

“We should head back inside, it's getting cold.„ he helps you up, until you're both home. He even helps to wash your hands, in your sleepy state.

He never thought he'd enjoy gardening with someone so much, and yet..

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

/ᐠ - ˕ •マ Ⳋ mayuchi's property. do not repost, copy or translate without permission.

[cosmicatta]

One Piece Novel: Law — a short analysis

So, after a long time trying to get my hands on the Law light novel, I was finally able to read it recently! And, because I'm an obnoxiously intense person who can't just be normal about things, I found myself taking notes about everything I judged interesting.

And I thought I could share! So here's a mostly improvised essay about the Law novel, how it portrays Law and what it reveals about him as a character.

Some notes before I start:

The edition I've read of this novel is the official Spanish translation by Planeta. When quoting and mentioning numbered pages, I'm referencing that edition.

I originally posted this on Twitter as a thread! If it sounds familiar, that might be why.

For those who haven't read the novel and might want to: be mindful of some trigger warnings, including gruesome medical descriptions, suicidal thoughts, mentions of abuse, and violence in general (I won't be touching on these subjects here though).

These are just my personal impressions, I'm not trying to tell anyone how they should interpret the novel or Law's character. I'm just doing this for fun!

The story takes place right after Cora dies, following young Law's journey as he makes it to Swallow Island and desperately tries to survive. There, he will meet Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, as well as Wolf, a novel-exclusive character that welcomes Law and the boys into his home as a family.

Overall, it's a very short read, agile and straightforward. The style is very juvenile, but that was to be expected, and I'd say it does a pretty good job at capturing the feeling of watching a One Piece episode. The novel does kinda feel like a mini arc.

I'm unsure if light novels can be considered 100% canon in general, but since the contents don't contradict anything from what we've already seen in the manga/anime, I'm going to assume we can at least take the events described in this one as canon.

But I'll leave the plot aside a little bit to focus more on Law's psyche, analyzing everything in the novel as material that helps us further understand him.

The entire book (save from a few specific passages) is written from Law's point of view and in first person, so it offers a more in-depth look at his way of thinking, motivations and ideals.

What I find most interesting in this sense is that the whole story is very centered around Law's kindness. Though he does admit several times that he had wanted to see the world burn when he was under Doflamingo's care (as we already know from the source material), the novel makes it very obvious that Law's true nature is compassionate. His inner voice even explicitly states that he enjoys helping and making others happy. (Quotes roughly translated from Spanish):

P. 27: "And I felt very comfortable collaborating with the task of helping others."

P. 92: "Knowing that I was going to free a person from their pain [...] gave me a joy I had never experienced before."

P. 136: "Just imagining the surprised faces of the Old Man, Bepo and the others brought a smile to my face" [when planning on getting fresh fish for dinner as a surprise].

And, despite living under Wolf's motto of "give to take," Law never expects anything in return for any of his good actions. In fact, he gets furious at Wolf himself when, after saving his life, the old man insists on giving Law anything he demands as compensation.

P. 120: "I didn't save you because I wanted a reward!" [...] They [Bepo, Shachi and Penguin] burst into tears of happiness when they realized that you had survived. That's more than enough for me! [...]" I won't let you belittle their tears!"

But even then, Law keeps arguing that he only saved Wolf "on a whim," much like he would say years later when asked why he chose to save Luffy's life. This is a common theme throughout the whole book (which is also pretty obvious in the manga)—Law doesn't recognize his own kindness.

It's not modesty or shyness, his inner monologue makes it very clear that he doesn't see himself as good-natured, and is often confused at his own motivations.

In their first meeting, when Bepo asks him why he is so nice to him, Law doesn't know what to answer; and after that, when Law finds himself wondering why he's trying so hard to save Shachi and Penguin despite their past history, he blames it all on "doctor's pride."

P. 48: "I wasn't even a good person."

Still, regardless of what Law might think of himself, living in Swallow Island seems to be making him progressively gentler. He was wary and hostile towards Wolf at first, but eventually lets himself trust people again, trying to honor Cora's memory and what he taught Law.

In Swallow Island he builds his new found family little by little, though never letting go of Cora and what he meant to Law.

P. 39: "Cora and I were family, that's what I felt at heart, I had no doubts. We had loved each other without saying it out loud [...] Would I feel the same for the Old Man and Bepo eventually?"

Slowly, he starts finding comfort and joy in community. He lets himself be carefree around his new friends, treating them with open affection, laughing and being surprisingly enthusiastic (although he quickly starts taking his role as a leader very seriously, and sometimes avoids showing weakness around them so as not to worry them.)

Law even gets to become an active part of life in Pleasure Town, where he and the other boys are cherished after 3 years living and working there. He's comfortable with his role in the community and appreciates the people in town. His sense of duty towards them shines especially when the pirates arrive to attack the town.

Again, this contrasts with how Law sees himself even in the manga/anime, where he insists that he acts mostly out of selfishness and only seeking his own benefit (or, in the best of cases "on a whim.")

But the truth is that Law's decisions are almost always related to other people's desires.

In this sense, the concept of guilt is also key to understand Law's motivations and his relationship with the world as a whole. This is especially obvious when it comes to Cora—Law even briefly wishes that they had never met, so that Cora would still be alive (p. 128-129.)

In a way, guilt is what moves Law forward, and what slowly starts transforming into a thirst for revenge, into rage and hatred towards Doflamingo and possibly towards himself too. It's a kind of tragic guilt born out of love.

His love for Cora still haunts him, his last wish for Law is the big enigma that he tries to solve during his 3 years in Swallow Island: be free. What is freedom to Law? How can he fulfill Cora's request? This is the question that gives meaning to the novel.

We know that Law wouldn't feel free until finally taking down Doflamingo and avenging Cora's death many years later, but he hasn't reached that point of determination in the novel yet. Maybe that's what gives the narration that hopeful and optimistic tone, with a young Law that's still finding himself, experiencing wonder in loving again, and learning what it means for him to be true to his values. It's the start of an adventure, and its core theme is love.

The ending illustrates this very well; I especially like the moment where Law names the crew as they're setting sail:

P. 243: "Cora's love that he showed me, Wolf's affection, the trust I had in my companions. One word embodied it all: Heart."

It is love that gives Law a reason to keep going. And I'm so glad that the novel doesn't shy away from this fact and isn't afraid of sounding "sappy" or "corny," because I do believe emotion is a very important part of Law's character.

The epilogue closes with a very interesting quote in the last page:

"You hear that, Cora? This is my... This is our pirate crew."

It is unclear if by "our" he is referring to himself and Cora, as if dedicating this new beginning to him, or if he means him and his crew. I'd personally like to think he means it both ways. But in any case, it's interesting that he openly shares the honor of "owning" his crew with someone else. He is the captain, but not the owner. It's another little way in which his generosity is evidenced.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable read, and it left me wanting more. Obviously, it's not a literature masterpiece, but it gives a lot of interesting material for character analysis, which is super fun.

Finally, here’s a few fun facts for those who can’t/don’t want to read the novel but enjoy the little trivia:

The Polar Tang was built and designed by Wolf.

Law’s first tattoo was "DEATH," and he got it at a local tattoo shop in Pleasure Town at around 15 years old.

Shachi and Penguin are childhood friends and likely met through their parents.

Shachi had always wanted to be a hair stylist.

Law is bad at cooking.

Both Shachi and Penguin are good at cooking, especially Penguin, who worked as a waiter in Pleasure Town.

The Hearts’ jolly roger was collectively designed by Law, Bepo, Shachi and Penguin days before leaving Swallow Island.

Law decided the name of their crew upon setting sail for the first time.

And I think that's all! ♥ I hope my rambling was enjoyable at least!

Edit: I've now posted an analysis of the Ace novels too!

[amyispxnk]

I'd run away and hide with you

Summary - Ellie joins you and Joel on your trek to Jackson. Along the way, your mind gets the better of you, and when you reach Jackson it all comes crashing down.

A/N: i don't have any excuses for why this took so long and im so so sorry guys 😭 2024 was hectic and ive only recently been able to catch up on stuff pls forgive mee

Pairing: platonic/father figure!Joel Miller x f!reader (could probably be read as GN tho?)

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, violence, guns, language, PTSD, abuse mentions, panic attack/mental breakdown

Previous Chapter || Series Masterlist

DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

You’re getting bad again; that much is visible to him now. But he doesn’t even know what’s wrong this time.

You never open up to him anymore. At the start, you’d tell him everything that was going on in that little head of yours. You’d let him hold you while you cried. You’d always talk to him.

Now you don’t talk and you practically smack yourself in the face whenever you cry, willing the tears away as you bite down on your lip.

It’s been a few months since you left Boston to visit the guys at Lincoln. It was a good trip. After that hiccup at the start, you had pretty much forgotten about your dad; he couldn’t even get to you in your sleep. You spent a lot of time hanging out with Frank whilst Bill and Joel ‘talked business’, and it was pretty fun seeing the little home they had built for themselves in the town - Frank even let you pocket some strawberries, and it was your first time trying them. Safe to say they were fucking amazing, and you told Joel all about it that night. He'd pretend to be annoyed at your incessant rambling but he liked to see you happy, distracted, somewhat.

When you came back, Marlene was bugging Joel about some new smuggling job in exchange for the car battery he’d been searching for and before you knew it, you were back on the road again to bring this kid - Ellie - to the fireflies.

She was a bright, bubbly kid. Constantly talking and telling you and Joel jokes from that damn pun book of hers.

Joel didn’t warm up to her nearly as quickly as you did, and you obviously knew why. You’d been staying with him for almost half a year now, and had gone through a lot of shit with him, so he’d told you about his past. About Sarah.

So you had a hunch that that was why he didn’t open up to Ellie easily. That was why he’d always just grunt at her whenever she asked a question, why he’d practically toss her food at her when she had to eat, why he would barely even acknowledge her.

You could always tell he never meant it though. He didn’t really hate her. He cared about her - that’s just how he was - and it scared him. He was a protector, a fighter, and, most importantly, a father. He basically took you under his wing and gave you all the paternal love you ached for before, and now he had Ellie to look out for too.

But as time went on, you started noticing things. He started laughing at her jokes, or engaging in conversations with her, even telling her about before. You then realised how much it actually pissed you off.

Seeing them getting along made you incredibly jealous. Joel was your protector, your carer, your da..

You shake your head. It still felt weird when you accidentally found yourself thinking of him like that, giving him that name in your head.

It had been a few months since you all left Boston, for good you hoped, you hated that place and all the unfortunate memories you left there, but now you were in the cold and unforgiving state of Wyoming.

Right now you were all huddled around a fire in a little alcove. Joel had some whiskey which he sipped on.. As he talked to Ellie. Fucking Ellie, who was joking around with him, asking him stupid questions about some sheep farm on the moon.

You weren’t paying attention, you didn’t care. You instead chose to stew in your own thoughts which were drifting back to before any of this. You stared into the fire as you remembered the times you were the one making Joel smile, the one he’d hold and comfort, the one he’d talk with at the end of a long day.

He didn’t do all of that with Ellie, but he didn’t do any of it with you anymore, either.

Suddenly, your thoughts go even further back, remembering your father. Remembering the constant screaming which definitely damaged your eardrums by the time you’d left, the incessant beatings you received - at least that taught you first-aid, right? - and the many, many nights spent crying yourself to sleep. You didn’t get to cry in front of your father, knowing he’d only hit you harder for being weak and useless, so you just waited until you were curled up on the little mattress on the floor, your dad already asleep from the alcohol.

You only come back to the present moment when you taste the metal of blood in your mouth. You didn’t remember biting down on your lip but apparently you had been so hard that it made you wince slightly when you pressed your fingers to it.

Joel didn’t notice. He was still talking with Ellie, his eyes soft as he looked at her over the flames.

Jealousy makes tears sting at your eyes. You’d thought finally, finally, you found someone who would actually care about you.

Now you watch bitterly as Ellie makes him laugh more than you’d done in a while, wondering what you did wrong.

-

You were clutching your handgun tight, not feeling safe out in the open like this despite not having encountered any dangers for a good week now. It felt like things were too safe, and you didn’t like it.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Ellie blowing air through her lips, and it actually kind of annoyed you, because what was she even doing?

Joel asked that question for you.

“What are you doing..?” He sighs heavily, glancing at her, to which she just smirks.

“I’m learning to whistle.” She replies simply.

“You don’t know how to whistle?”

“Does it look like I know how to whistle?” She huffs.

They go back and forth for a little longer, with Joel ending up defeated as Ellie continues her air-blowing, and you find your heart splintering at the sight of them bickering only like father and daughter would. It might not seem like much, but you’ve definitely noticed how Joel’s gotten closer with Ellie over the past few months. It’s upsetting, seeing his natural paternal instincts coming out with her too now.

The three of you make your way past a big dam and arrive at a river, at which point Ellie unhelpfully chirps up.

“Hey, guys, what if this is the river of death?” She jokes, not realising how poor her timing was, for you hear the heavy thuds of horse hooves almost as soon as she finishes her sentence.

“Hands up. Don’t make any sudden movements, or we shoot.” A gruff voice barks out. You know better than to go against what they’ve said, so you turn slowly with your arms raised, and wait for Joel to do any negotiating.

“We ain't lookin’ for any trouble, we’re just passin’ through.” Joel says, keeping his voice strong and unwavering.

“Drop the gun.” The man spits, and Joel slowly does as he says, his eyes wide with panic and betraying the collected and brave persona he attempts to put on when he realises that this might be it.

Ellie looks equally terrified, and you can’t blame her, especially when the man addresses her directly, telling her to step back and away from you.

“How ‘bout we just talk this through-” Joel starts.

“How about you shut the fuck up?” The man’s gun is now raised, and Joel knows better than to argue now, nodding.

The man asks about if any of you are infected, and you feel the dread setting into your bones. Joel tries to diffuse the situation and ease the man’s (unfortunately correct) suspicions, but it’s no use, as he whistles for the sniffer dog.

He offers you a bullet instead, the easy way out, and you all remain silent, panicking further as the dog sniffs you, then Joel, then makes its way to Ellie.

You don’t know where to look, you can see Joel starting to hyperventilate, you can see Ellie’s eyes shining with a terror you’ve never seen her showing before, and you just decide to not look anywhere. You squeeze your eyes shut before-

She’s giggling. Your brows furrow, eyes opening to see Ellie playing with the dog, her face getting licked, and she looks over at the two of you, giving you a sort of ‘how the fuck am I alive’ look, before petting the dog and smiling.

“You just bought yourself 10 more seconds. What’s your business here?” The man shouts, and Joel tells him that he’s looking for his brother, trying to keep things brief.

A lady rides forward, asking Joel for his name. He gives it, and she’s silent, looking around at the three of you and trying to piece things together, before telling you to come with her.

-

Maybe something’s wrong with me, you think, picking at your nails absentmindedly as you trail behind the group - Maria, Joel, Ellie, and Tommy on their little tour of Jackson.

No, something’s definitely wrong with me. Because why else would you be so jealous of them? Of Joel finally finding his brother - another person to drive him away from you - and finally growing closer to Ellie.

Not to mention the way you just fucking clam up any time he asks about it.

Not to mention the way you just let it all build up, suffering in silence, waiting and waiting for the inevitable moment where you break.

You all end up in the dining hall afterwards and, while you’re pissed about everything else, you can’t deny some good food. You almost moan at the taste of proper, seasoned meat after all these months, wolfing it down in similar speed to Ellie and Joel.

“There’s more if you need it.” Maria adds after a few moments of watching you all, no judgement in her tone despite your rough actions.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Joel says, looking up briefly before continuing to eat. “Been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.”

“Actually I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal,” Ellie chimes in, making you clench your jaw. God, even her voice pisses you off. Nobody asked her to talk. “This is amazing.” She mumbles, food in her mouth.

Joel glances at her for a second.

“Sorry.” He tells Tommy and Maria. “Ellie, let’s mind our manners.”

She doesn’t reply, looking up instead to see a girl watching her behind a pillar.

“What!” She barks, making the girl run away and making you scoff. She glances at you, frowning, before continuing to eat.

You knew she didn’t hate you - you were a good pretender most of the time. Laughing at her jokes, smiling tightly during conversations.. But lately you’d slipped a bit, and she was starting to notice.

“What’s wrong with you?” Joel mutters.

“What about her manners?” Ellie spits, always so defensive.

“She was just curious.” Maria soothes, “Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.”

“Right,” she says, nodding her head slowly, “well maybe I’ll teach them.”

It takes everything in you to not scream. She was annoying you so much. And she was getting all the attention because of her boisterous behaviour. You were sitting there, quietly, calmly, and no one batted an eye at you.

“And I want my gun back.” Ellie argues.

“They also aren’t armed.”

Tommy jumps in, sensing the tension growing even more.

“You know what, uh, I think y’all got off on the wrong foot.” He starts, but the two keep bickering.

Eventually, Tommy reveals that Maria is his wife, and after an eager congrats! from Ellie, and the most forced one possible from Joel, the meal ends.

-

Tommy quickly shows the three of you around the rest of Jackson - Maria chose to stay behind - before leaving you and Ellie in your temporary house, going to have a chat with Joel.

“Soooo.. That was awkward, huh?” She chuckles, trying to joke with you like you used to at the start of all this.

You nod, anger still bubbling up inside of you. You didn’t want to be angry at her, or Joel, even, and you knew if you talked with her for too long you’d just end up yelling at her, so you tried your hardest to keep calm.

She chews on her lip, nodding slowly before starting to ramble about how crazy this town is and how Joel is totally pissed at Tommy.

You keep nodding along, wondering how on Earth she manages to keep going on and on for way too long.

Eventually, she bids you goodbye, going to explore the town.

You wouldn’t want to hang out with yourself either, you think as she closes the door.

-

Joel came back home in the evening, pissed off. You tried saying hi to him, having decided you were done being annoyed at him, but he completely brushed you off before storming upstairs.

Maybe you weren’t making it up. Maybe he did just.. Start hating you.

Ellie’s been in her claimed room for an hour, and the house is quiet until about 10pm. You’re still on the couch, curled up, lost in your thoughts. About Joel, about Ellie, wondering about yourself, too. You were thinking about how nice this town is, how you didn’t want to leave tomorrow at all, but figured you’d definitely have to. You’d have to return to the wasteland outside these walls, and you’d probably never make it back to Jackson.

You’d had too many close calls already. God, or whatever was out there, had probably spared you enough.

Your thoughts spiralled and spiralled until it happened.

Everything came out.

It started with tears, silent as they streamed down your face, before the anger released itself, making you dig your nails into your skin in some final attempt at self-control, before you were storming upstairs.

You throw the door open to Joel’s room, and he blinks at you, having been in bed, probably trying to sleep while you soaked in your misery downstairs.

He’s such a fucking asshole, is all you can think.

“I’m not coming with you tomorrow.” You mutter, surprised you aren’t yelling already.

His brows furrow and he stands up, trying to approach you.

“What’re you talkin’ about?” He says, voice stern and rough.

“You clearly don’t want me around anyway! I’d just be making your life even harder if I came with you. I’ll.. I’ll just go my own way.” You huff, voice quivering towards the end when you realised you’d have to trek this world alone now.

He repeats his previous question and you bury your face in your hands, nails tightening against your fists as you try not to start screaming at him.

“When was the last time we had a proper conversation? Or you asked me how I was doing? Or you hugged me, or anything?! You couldn’t even be bothered to say hi to me earlier, and last night you and Ellie were being buddy-buddy by the fire while I was literally on the verge of tears. You clearly don’t care about me anymore. It’s just her.” You’re shouting now, rage consuming you as you get closer to him, shoving him backwards.

He grabs your arms roughly and you visibly flinch, eyes widening under your furrowed brows as you peer up at him. His face is blurry underneath your tears, and your mind short-circuits.

Your dad is back? Your mind tells you yes. Yes, and you’ve pissed him off now, he’s grabbing you because he’s about to throw you on the floor. You’re always doing something wrong - you should’ve known better than to argue. Only insolent, disgraceful children open their mouths in retaliation. You should respect your father. Now you have to apologise and pray he accepts it.

Immediately you’re cowering. He can’t even get a word out before you start apologising, body trembling as he loosens his grip on you.

“Please, sir, I- I’m so sorry- I didn’t- I didn’t mean to- to yell. I’m sorry, I’ll leave, just please d-don’t- please don’t h-urt me-” you choke out, voice raw.

His expression softens, brows knitted in concern now rather than frustration.

“Baby, come here-” he tries to say, but you’re shaking your head, inching further backward until you press against the wall, whimpering when you realise you’re trapped.

Now he’s going to hurt you. Your apologies mean nothing when he gets this mad.

Joel had only grabbed you. It was nothing like the abuse you used to face and yet it was still enough to make you completely crumble.

You sink to the floor, sobbing, still apologising. Ellie’s awake by now, her eyes wide as she listens to what she can make out. What the fuck did he do to you? She’s about to get up, to go and protect you. She doesn’t care if you’d been giving her the cold shoulder for the past few weeks, she doesn’t care if Joel seemed to be giving her the opposite at last. If you’re in trouble and it’s because of him she didn’t fucking care about anything else.

But then she pauses, just outside the door, hearing him cooing at you.

“Calm down honey. It’s okay, it’s me, Joel. Look at me, please.” He murmurs, crouched down in front of you but still giving you some space.

You had your arms raised in front of your face, legs tucked inward, trying to protect yourself from any potential blows, mind still loud and thoughts jumbled, but his voice suddenly helped to clear some of the fog.

You peered at him through the space between your arms and blinked the tears away as best you could.

“..Joel?” You croak after a moment, and he nods, a small smile blossoming on his lips.

“‘S me, sweet girl. Come here.” He opens his arms for you, and you shift closer, still timid and not making that final step.

He sighs softly, not disappointed or annoyed, just sad that your trauma managed to put you in this state.

“It’s just me, okay? It’s Joel, not.. not him. Look at my face, baby.” He whispers, and you do. Your dad wouldn’t call you baby or speak softly with you. Surely this man in front of you wasn’t him.

When you finally recognise him, you feel the tears blooming again, a small whimper escaping your throat before you’re crawling into his lap, clutching him tight. Still apologising, as always.

“Shh, it’s okay. What’s goin’ on, hm?” He says, voice gentle as ever as he holds you. He doesn’t squeeze you tight, or move in any way, he just lets you cling to him. He doesn’t want to suffocate you, knowing you probably already feel like you're drowning, barely tethered to him for support.

“Y-you don’t like me anymore.” You hiccup, and he shakes his head.

“No, sweetheart. Of course I like you. You’re my.. You’re my girl, yeah? Could never hate you.” He murmurs, brows furrowing. Why did you even think that?

“B-but you get on with Ellie way better now, and- and you don’t even talk to me anymore.”

He sighs softly. Ellie was.. A chatty kid. If she didn’t start all those conversations with him, he doubts he would’ve engaged with her nearly half as much as he did. He had grown to enjoy her ramblings, of course, but he was too stressed, anxious all the time on the road, to ever actually start the chats with her or you. He realises now how that would’ve looked to you, understands the emotional breakdown you’d just had, understands why you’d been so quiet recently.

You thought he didn’t want you anymore.

He gently pulls your head back, tilting it up so you could meet his eyes. His thumb catches a tear before it can fall and he starts explaining.

“Babygirl, I wasn’t not talkin’ to ya as much cuz I didn’t like ya. I was just stressed.. Too focused on gettin’ us across the country in one piece to worry about conversations. Ellie’s.. a bit of a chatterbox so of course I had to be respondin’ with her, but..” he trails off, guilt consuming him more and more as he tries to reason with himself. Yes he was nervous but that’s no excuse for the state his negligence has landed you in.

“Fuck, there ain’t no excuse, really. I just.. Please, please believe me right now. I’m tellin’ ya, I don’t hate you and I never ever could, okay?” He pleads, eyes searching yours for any sort of understanding or forgiveness.

He definitely doesn’t see hatred there like he’d seen when you first stormed up here, no, he just sees confusion, worry.

“You really don’t hate me? Even- even after I gave you so much attitude and I was shouting at you? Surely I deserve.. You shouldn’t be being nice to me…” You whisper, brows furrowing, confused at the fact someone was apologising to you. Normally you were the one apologising. He’d been the only person to ever show you compassion and understanding, and you thought, surely you’ve fucked it all up now.

He sighs again, shaking his head. “I could never ever hate you, honey. Never. No matter what you do or say to me, I can promise you hatred would never even cross my mind.”

You whimper again, nodding. “Okay.” Is all you can get past your lips, your body shaking with sobs again as he finally allows himself to hug you properly, rocking you back and forth and stroking your hair.

He isn’t surprised when you fall asleep like this, curled up in his arms. You’ve exhausted yourself in every way tonight, and you deserve a good, long rest.

He grunts softly as he stands up, still keeping you clutched in his arms as he makes his way to the bed and sets you down. He’ll take the couch, he figures. His back is fucked already.

But then you stir a little, blinking up at him as he watches you.

“Joel?”

“Hmm?”

“Can.. can you please stay tonight? I just.. I’m…” You can’t get the words out, but he understands. He knows what you need.

He gets in beside you, kissing your forehead after you cuddle up to him and drift off slowly, blanketed by his comforting presence, your mind a little less stormy with his reassurances now there instead.

Sleep evades him for much longer, though, distant memories of Sarah swirling within his mind. He wonders what she’d think of him, of you, of the way he’s taken you in like this. Would she be proud? Would she be angry? Would she feel like he’s replaced her?

He shakes his head, knowing that those thoughts would just cause him to distance himself from you again.

He finally manages to fall asleep at 2am, dreaming of Christmas trees and a little girl with curly hair.

Tysm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

Tags - @tbeep @rosierogie @jjlevin @axshadows @pedropascalsbbg @pedroshotwifey @pedrosfanny @s0meoone

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hi! I have read through all of your harry metas and I love them!!! And it made me wonder whether you had any personal head-cannons regarding him? Like any unpopular ones that are not mentioned in the books or discussed by the fandom. I found only a precious few posts regarding this matter, so yeah I would like to know yours if u do have any.

Hi, thank you so much! 💕

Honestly, I'm pretty sure I just sprinkled Harry headcanons throughout my various posts but I'll try to comprise a list of some of my headcanons that popped into my head here. As such, these are all my random headcanons about Harry, some have more reasoning behind them than others. So, here are some of them in no particular order:

1. I think Harry is gay (could be demi but I don't think he's interested in women and he is interested in men. Personally, I headcanon him as gay).

I have a whole post about it here, but I don't know how common of an opinion it is since I see mostly bi Harry and not gay ones.

2. I see some fanon Harry's portrayed as very small, but I don't think he is. In my head, he's about 5'11 (by book 7) and in canon, he can lift Mundungus by the throat with one hand so... I think he's pretty fit actually. (Though he's very thin due to malnourishment). He's just always compared to Ron, who is like, ridiculously tall. I also think he was short for his age up until and including book 4. Between books 4 and 5 is when he had his first real growth spurt.

3. I think he was born Master of Death and that a lot of his miraculous survivals are because of that.

4. Harry has ADHD. It's my way to explain his tendency to be very observant of some things and not others, his crazy good selective memory, and his tendency to fail when he starts overthinking. Idk, I have ADHD and I'm getting these vibes from him (or projecting, who knows).

5. In my head, the epilogue isn't canon, so Harry breaks the curse on the DADA position, like, 5 years after the war, and starts teaching it. Until then, McGonagall just made sure to hire teachers only with one year contracts.

6. I headcanon the Potter family had more estate than just the cottage in Godric's Hollow and Harry finds out about them at some point after the war. I mean, they are reasonably rich, have a Wizengamot seat, and had more family members until very recently. They have to have more houses.

7. I think Harry and Kreature actually become friends after the books. I think they could've during the books too, Harry finds Kreature's sense of humor funny even as back as OotP:

“. . . Smells like a drain and a criminal to boot, but she’s no better, nasty old blood traitor with her brats messing up my Mistress’s house, oh my poor Mistress, if she knew, if she knew the scum they’ve let in her house, what would she say to old Kreacher, oh the shame of it, Mudbloods and werewolves and traitors and thieves, poor old Kreacher, what can he do. . . .” “Hello, Kreacher,” said Fred very loudly, closing the door with a snap. The house-elf froze in his tracks, stopped muttering, and then gave a very pronounced and very unconvincing start of surprise. “Kreacher did not see Young Master,” he said, turning around and bowing to Fred. Still facing the carpet, he added, perfectly audibly, “Nasty little brat of a blood traitor it is.” “Sorry?” said George. “Didn’t catch that last bit.” “Kreacher said nothing,” said the elf, with a second bow to George, adding in a clear undertone, “and there’s its twin, unnatural little beasts they are.” Harry didn’t know whether to laugh or not.

(OotP, 107-108)

I just see a lot of sassy potential in their dynamic.

8. Before he was hit with the killing curse, he and Lily had the same eye color, a deep, bright green. After Halloween 1981, Harry's eyes are always the shade of the killing curse, which is similar to before, just slightly lighter and brighter. It's barely noticeable unless in certain lighting, but Sirius was sure he was hallucinating from exhaustion on a few nights in Grimmauld Place where he looked at Harry, and his eyes shined just a little off, a little too brightly, the wrong color for just a moment.

9. He had at least 1 too sexy dream about Tom Riddle, and he never told and never will tell anyone if it's up to him. He tries to pretend it didn't happen tbh.

10. Same as number 9 about Sirius, honestly...

11. His animagus form would be a Raven. (Although I can see a few other forms as possible as well)

12. Sometimes, when I draw Harry, I add a little white streak of hair from his scar because I think it looks cool. Also, white hair and death connotation, so, yeah. I'd like to think that the white tuft became larger after he died and came back in the forest.

13. I usually imagine his scar going down through his eyebrow to around his right eye, basically I like it when Harry is very obviously and clearly marked by the killing curse. Unfortunately, canon contradicts this by him being able to cover the scar with his hair, and Snatchers in Deathly Hollows believed him to not be Harry Potter when he made shit up, so the scar probably isn't that noticeable. I'd like to think it is larger with very few lines going below his forehead, and just very very pale and almost invisible when Tom isn't angry over something.

14. He's short-sighted. Aka, his glasses are for looking at things far away, and if he wants to read, he can do so without the glasses, assuming he's holding the page close enough to his face. Actually, contrary to fanon opinion, I think Harry can see without his glasses, it's just really hazy, but if you stand close enough he would recognize you without his glasses. His sight isn't that bad.

15. I think throughout the series, his wardrobe slowly becomes more wizardy (and it could be really cool to implement something like that in the TV show). Basically, in year 1, he's always wearing his school robes over Dudley's muggle clothes, but through the years, he ends up buying random wizard clothing artifacts. So, in later years, he occasionally wore jeans under his robes, but sometimes he wore wizarding shirts. Sometimes, in books like 4 or 5, he could wear muggle sneakers with a casual wizarding robe on the weekend. Like, idk, I like the idea of this gradual change in his wardrobe and by book 7 when they are actively on the run from the ministry he's finally really looking the part of a wizard, but he isn't part of their society because of the war. Like, I just like this arc to his fashion that I made up in my head.

16. The one thing I might agree with the epilogue on in my headcanoned future, is that Harry declines going back for 8th year. Except in my head, he doesn't immediately go to Auror training, instead, he tries to take some time to figure his life out after everything, realizes he wants to go back to Hogwarts and that he doesn't know how to just sit down after 17 years of running on adrenalin and he ends up returning to the optional 8th year like 3 months late.

17. Harry's patronus is never going to change. He isn't going to allow that piece of his father to die, so I don't think it would change.

18. Like what I mentioned above about his eyes being just slightly off from Lily's eye color, I think his resemblance to James is like that too (and the books support me on this). In SWM Harry mentions how James has a longer nose than him and a different eye shape, and I think if you looked closely at James and Harry side by side, you'll see more and more of these differences. They look the same when you don't think about it, but once you look, they don't look like carbon copies of each other at all. I think Harry has James' eyebrows and jaw structure though.

19. For some reason, I headcanon Harry was born on the evening. Like, around 7 or 8. I really don't know why.

20. Harry doesn't know it, but he is attractive. I mean, I'm not sure I mentioned it, but girls in books 5 and 6 start looking at him, and sure, he is the Boy-Who-Lived, but if he wasn't attractive there wouldn't be that many attempts to dose him with love potion. Also, he is the son of James and Lily, so the potential there is high.

21. I'd like to think he keeps the ability to speak Parseltongue even after Voldemort dies and the Horcrux is gone. I like to think the Horcrux wasn't the only reason he could speak it. Like, in my headcanon, Lily is a descendant from a Gaunt family squib line and that's why Voldy's soul triggered the Parseltongue gene that was already there. So, in my version of the books in my head, Harry could still speak it even after book 7.

Like, these are the ones I could think of off the top of my head.

[northoftheroad]

Has Dick ever attempted to kill Zucco? Because it's something I see very often being brought up in discussions about Dick Grayson. But in everything I've read, the only thing Dick has ever done to Zucco is bring him to justice with Batman's help after finding out he's who murdered his parents.

Hi, Indeed, the idea that little Dick was out for bloody vengeance is blown hugely out of proportion and it's tiresome to see it so widespread! As far as I know, he's never been out hunting for Zucco with the expressed intention to kill him.

(I might be late to the party because I saw that @farshootergotme recently made this point in two posts – definitely check them out (part 1 and part 2). But since I've been working on an answer, I'll press on.)

The original story (and later retellings of it) in Detective Comics # 38 (1940) had Dick intending to go to the police but Batman stopped him and said it would lead to Dick himself being killed because "the whole town is run by boss Zucco" (who was a big time boss at the time, he's been very much reduced in importance since).

Detective Comics # 38

In Batman Year Three (1989), right after the murder, Dick tells Batman to "Kill him for me". He's never out looking for Zucco, though, and by the time he's taken in by Bruce from the orphanage, he says it wouldn't change anything, he just wishes he "could do something so people like him couldn't hurt anyone ever again".

Batman vol 1 # 436 and 437

I think the angriest we've seen Dick is in Batman The Animated Series. I believe the BTAS episodes Robin's Reckoning (1993) started the trend of little Dick going out by himself (in different media, he has been looking for Zucco, running away from being mistreated, following Batman, and visited the circus).

In BTAS Zucco wasn't caught after the murder and little Dick was indeed out to look for Zucco, but nothing was said about killing him. He still becomes a pretty happy Robin in the show, but he does blow up when Zucco comes back to Gotham and Batman doesn't want Robin's help to look for him (because Batman was afraid that something would happen to Robin). There is a moment where Zucco (and the audience) is supposed to wonder whether Robin will let him drop a long way down, so this, I would argue, is the closest we'll ever see to Dick wanting to kill him. But this is Dick as a young adult who have lived with Zucco getting away, as opposed to comics.

BTAS Robin's Reckoning

In the Robin Annual # 4, Year One, (1995), where Dick is placed and mistreated at a youth centre, he runs away to get away – with no intention of looking for a criminal, just to save himself. He's still alone and miserable after Bruce has taken him in so he does go out one night to visit Haly circus, which is back in town. Haly is killed, Dick attacks the killers and has to be saved by Batman. Dick's internal thoughts in this book are about putting Zucco away (in prison), not killing.

Robin vol 2 Annual # 4

In The Choice in Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #100 (1997), Dick does go out to look for the murderer, and Zucco dies of heart failure (or something like that), but Dick says he didn't want him to die. And in Dark Victory (1999–2000), Dick tells Batman he wants to help. However, Batman takes Dick with him to confront Zucco; Dick chases Zucco who (again) dies from medical issues, and Dick does not look triumphant.

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #100 (The Choice)

Dark Victory

And in New 52, (Nightwing vol 3 # 0, 2012), 15-year-old Dick is indeed out looking for Zucco, because he feels it's his responsibility, and he starts to fight criminals together with Batman out on the streets. Again, nothing is said about wanting to kill Zucco. The Long Year in Secret Origins vol 3 # 1 (2014) has a slightly different version, but here too, Bruce and Dick only talk about catching Zucco.

Nightwing vol 3 # 0

Secret Origins vol 3 # 1 The Long Year

There are a few more versions of Dick's origin stories, but I think I've covered the ones most people know about. I'm not really familiar with the animated Teen Titans but, as far as I know, there is no mention of Tony Zucco here (since some people seem to think that Robin is actually Tim Drake, even though it's clearly based on New Teen Titans. And I believe there is a reference to the circus somewhere?).

Thanks for the ask! I have been writing snippets about the subject of fanon murder child Dick Grayson here and there, it was good to get a reason to collect my thoughts and panels once and for all.

[humbledragon669]

S2E2 - The Clue Write Up P4 - Land of Uz: Crowley speaks to Job to a little alone time in the cellar

I’m going to start with an incredibly quick note, just in case there’s anyone out there reading this who doesn’t know/hasn’t realised that the actor playing Job is Peter Davison, who is not only linked to David Tennant by way of having played the fifth Doctor, but is also his father-in-law (in real life). I think I’m probably preaching to the converted with that little nugget, but it pays to be cautious with these things.

Alright, let’s get going proper, shall we? And I want to give a little nod of acknowledgement for the camera work we see going “through” the book page into the scene beyond. Not the first time we’ve seen this technique used to transition the audience from one place (in time, mood, or location) to another, but it’s pretty smooth nonetheless, and achieves its desired effect effortlessly. There’s something utterly ridiculous about some of the script for this initial scene too - some random dude shows up in your newly destroyed barn asking for your children and you don’t stop to ask who he is and what he wants? In fact, why not direct him to your wife to be as helpful as possible? Don’t stop there though, why not start pouring your soul out to him in a keenly ironic speech about being delivered to demons. Sure. Very convincing. Still, I don’t suppose there’s much in the way of official records of this conversation to base the scene on, is there…

Miracle noise alert! This one definitely originates from Crawley and definitely differs from the one we most recently associated with Aziraphale.

This one is… “flatter” is the word that springs to mind when I hear it. I think it’s intended to sound closer to a snake hiss; of textural note we are missing the little choir vocalisation that we heard in earlier miracle noises. Swinging back around to the theory about miracle noises relating to intent rather than caster, this particular noise would prove both theories. I guess what I really want to hear at this point is the noise from a miracle definitely cast only by Crowley with good or neutral intent. That might put this theory to bed for me, but I think we’ll have to wait a while for that (off the top of my head I can’t think if we get one of those in these season, but I’ll be on the look-out).

I find the choice of words used in the opening arguments between Aziraphale and Crawley interesting:

Aside from the opportunity to revel in Aziraphale admitting he was wrong about something, I think the different uses of don’t have to/couldn’t/can/will in this wordplay are worth noting. To avoid this getting too wordy, I’m going to break this down into a table to demonstrate:

And all of this hammered home with a final plea from Aziraphale, returning to his original point, and making an explicit statement that he believes that being a demon involves the ability to exercise free will (let’s face it, it kinda doesn’t - Crawley has little official choice than to follow orders, just like the angel). This point of view will become interesting as the season progresses and we see Aziraphale’s beliefs about free will and how it ties in with humanity morphing - after all, it wasn’t all that long ago that he was trying to convince a bunch of archangels on the street that the whole point of being human (not a demon) is to exercise free will (at least in our chronology - this conversation with Crawley and the one with the angels on the street are actually separated by some 4500 years…). What’s interesting to me about his beliefs at this particular point in time, is that they suggest at least part of his understanding of the differences between the agents of Heaven and Hell isn’t to do with morality or intent, it’s the presence/absence of free will. Ergo, the opposite of “Good” isn’t “Evil”, but “Choice”. Oof, that one hits pretty deep, doesn’t it? I could get into a big discussion about how this does or doesn’t resemble major religions even today but I feel like that goes a bit beyond my qualifications, so instead I’ll just make one more point about this handful of lines between our hero couple, this one on another more word choice for Aziraphale:

AZIRAPHALE: Crawley… You don’t have to destroy Job’s children.

Notice the word “destroy” and not “kill”. I’m not sure why this distinction has been made, not least because Crawley has already told Aziraphale 500 years previously that killing kids is not something he can get onboard with.

Maybe the word choice has been swayed somewhat by Crawley’s supposed disposal of the goats, where they simply disappeared in a puff of smoke. Perhaps “destroy” was thought to be a stronger word than “kill”, though that’s not a stance I would agree with, and I actually feel like it offers the opportunity to distance the “destroyer” from their actions somewhat.

Before we get too deep into the weeds with the next mini-section of Aziraphale pleading, there’s something I want to lay on the table. The last time this pair saw each other was 500 years ago. We saw that meeting, and earlier in this episode they even went so far as to confirm that was the last time they saw each other. That meeting, filled with shocking revelations about Heaven’s actions as it was, was very friendly. VERY friendly. We’ve gone from Crawley looking at Aziraphale like this:

to this:

I mean… What happened? No, seriously, what the actual fuck happened? The tension between this pair is palpable in both scenes, but they are very different types of tension. I’ve always thought that there’s something off about the way their conversation starts at the beginning of the minisode: it feels like that awkward conversation you have with someone when you bump into them after having had a blazing row and neither of you has apologised and despite time passing, you’re both still sore about it. Almost like… unexpectedly bumping into your ex? I realise that was all really wordy, when all I’m really trying to say is that I’m not clear on why the relationship feels so strained at the beginning of the minisode, just like I’m not clear on why Crowley is so grumpy when we see him in Rome. It occurs to me that we don’t see the end of their encounters in Mesopotamia and Golgotha (the previous meetings to Uz and Rome, respectively), and once again I say: what the actual fuck happened?

If we consider the possibility that the meeting in Mesopotamia potentially did not end as amicably as it began, Aziraphale’s desperate pleading with Crawley to do the right thing in this Land of Uz scene feels perhaps a bit more understandable. And let’s just be clear about Aziraphale’s plan of attack at this point - he’s no longer asking a demon not to the “bad” thing, he’s appealing to Crawley to be the being that he has fallen in love with come to know in the years before - one that is incapable of doing the unspeakable things he’s been tasked with.

Wait, wait, did I say understandable? Because this is truly unbearable for me - I can’t watch this without choking back a sob, for real. The little gulp as Crawley’s words hit home, the slumping shoulders, the slight wobble in his bottom lip, the rasping breath he takes (OH BUT THAT INTAKE OF BREATH WILL KILL ME). He is absolutely, and completely, devastated. And who can be surprised, because that speech from Crawley (complete with background hiss noise as he removes his glasses) is pure venom (no snake pun intended). Everything the demon says at this point is said with the sole purpose of hurting Aziraphale (and I say again: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!), prompting Aziraphale to use his ultimate weapon - it’s the forgiveness line. There is something particular about this usage though - on this occasion he doesn’t forgive Crawley personally, he asks for forgiveness on his behalf, which we’ve seen once before: on the bandstand. That encounter was very definitely a break-up and for a second it looks like this one might have been going the same way, and I think I speak on behalf of the entire fandom when I thank those goats for not being able to keep their mouths shut here.

As much as I am fully onboard with Aziraphale’s smugness in his response to finding out that Crawley was indeed the being he thought he was, I can’t help but feel like it’s slightly misplaced, and here’s why:

CRAWLEY: Doesn’t mean we’re on the same side. AZIRAPHALE: No, no!

You see, I don’t think Aziraphale has realised that his actions have actually gone against Heaven’s wishes at this point. So as far as he’s concerned, Crawley and him being on the same side (which is clearly what he thinks, given the vocal delivery) means that Crawley is also on Heaven’s side. Which he most certainly isn’t, and even though the demon has a much clearer idea of how things are progressing, it’s obvious that Aziraphale thinks that Crawley’s point of view is just a cover story for him actually being on Heaven’s side. I think this is the first time that the idea of third “side” (i.e. not for Heaven or Hell) is introduced, chronologically speaking, even if it was thought to be a temporary arrangement and not specifically termed as “their side”. I find myself wondering if Crawley’s acknowledgement that they are “temporarily not on different sides” is the reason he doesn’t protest being called an angel by Job’s eldest daughter (Keziah), but perhaps that’s just because he wants to lull them into a false sense of security for the grand finale coming up.

I will be preaching to the converted for the second time in this write-up now I know, but as I said, it pays to be cautious. The young man playing Ennon is David’s in-real-life son. This episode is quite the family affair! Having that little bit of knowledge makes Crawley’s reaction to this self-important, arrogant little shit all the more funny too.

And whilst we’re on the subject of Crawley’s reactions, I love this facial expression we see in reaction to Aziraphale deciding to throw his weight around:

I slowed it down a bit, but you can see his face twitch ever so slightly just after Aziraphale starts bellowing, like it actually took him by surprise. Pranked or not, I think it’s pretty obvious to see that he does not think this new strategy from the angel is a good one. The background acting doesn’t stop here either, with an adorable little squeak from him in response to Jemimah’s charming nature. It makes me feel a bit sorry for the kids in the scene really, who are (I hope) acting their little socks off being the most repulsive versions of children they can be whilst David just stands there pulling a few faces/making some noises and manages to steal the scene.

There’s no reason for that gif other than to watch a loop of David winking (extremely careful typing required with that sentence).

Alright, maybe there was a little reason, other than pure aesthetics. I know I’m not the only one to say I find the interaction between Crawley and Jemimah adorable, but outside of just being really cute, this relationship does serve a narrative purpose in the context of the storyline. This playful banter he establishes with the young child is what lays the road for some mischief. I’ve talked about it in earlier write-ups, but we don’t see an awful lot of the mischievous demon in this season. Well, all that’s about to change, and I’m pretty relieved because up to now everything Crawley has done in this minisode has felt very serious. I love seeing him getting joy in causing harmless mayhem.

I also find it interesting that this side of the demon has only been allowed out now that he and Aziraphale have found some common ground - the dislike of the two older children - which suggests that their relationship is getting back on track. On that note, it occurs to me that he hasn’t been wearing his sunglasses for any of this scene, which had been firmly glued to his face right from the beginning of the minisode, even when he was alone of the top of a mountain. Whatever happened to cause the angry tension between our hero couple (if anything happened), I think the lack of eyewear would suggest that Crawley is already well on the way to forgetting about it by this point.

I find this blustering from Aziraphale interesting. He refuses to name Crawley as what he physically is, choosing to believe that because the demon’s intentions aren’t malign, his demon nature is simply a technicality. By that same logic, that would mean Aziraphale himself is only “technically” an angel, yet you never hear him refer to himself as such. Ultimately, his motives behind this are honourable, desperate as he is to believe that Crawley is still one of the Good guys, and I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that there’s a double standard being applied here - that’s one of the motifs we see being applied to Heaven throughout the show (“one rule for us, another rule for everyone else”). He’s right in the end of course (at least as far as Crawley’s intentions anyway).

He knows Crawley has absolutely no desire to kill children, despite the fact that the house is blazing around them. The demon told him he couldn’t kill kids, remember?

There’s something about this exchange that niggles at me. On the surface it seems like we’ve gone back to an angry Crawley, challenging Aziraphale on his character judgement. I think there’s maybe a bit more to it though. There is a vague suggestion of Crawley asking Aziraphale if he really trusts him here, even though it’s not explicitly stated. And that trust theme is something we see developing, chronologically, throughout the minisodes of this season. The Agreement is a long way off into the future (about 3500 years in the future in fact), but I find myself wondering if this challenge from Crawley is its first iteration, because I think this is actually him asking Aziraphale if he’s sure he wants to be part of the plot to save the children. If that’s the case, and the angel understands the subtext, it would explain why he makes his declaration of surety so assuredly. And look at him making way for Crawley to deliver his coup de grace, united with the demon, and sure of his decision:

Side note: I love the fact that everything in that room falls through the ceiling to the floor below completely intact, including the table which is already laden with a whole ox carcass. The only sign of anything being disturbed is the noise of a metal pot settling.

Aziraphale’s response to this latest turn of events reminds me of what we see from him when he embarks on his journey to Edinburgh.

He’s so contented - he’s turned the whole thing into a game. One with a trail of clues he had to work out to solve the mystery of how the evil demon could still be an angel underneath it all. And he’s figured it all out, even though he knew it all along anyway, which Crawley is clearly not thrilled about. There’s another layer going on here though I think, because (if I’ve got my chronology right), this is the first time the demon has “rescued” the angel from a perilous situation. Never mind that the perilous situation was created by the demon in the first place. Besides, that might have been part of the game for all we know because it’s only now that Aziraphale starts to give Crawley a bit of slack for him to actually use the cover he’s trying to create for himself. And hold on, what’s this?

Is that a wink? Certainly looks like one to me. He also starts to use collective pronouns from this point, suggesting that he, just like Crawley, is getting comfortable with this relationship again.

We get some miracle noises in the cellar to have a quick look at here, although they are somewhat obscured by the soundtrack. Brief tangent: I’m not sure there are any miracle noises to be heard in the scene a moment ago where Crawley sets fire to the house, with the exception of the last one he does, opening up the floor to the cellar. That one, which is even more difficult to make out that the lizard-transformations, sounds more like the ones we heard from Aziraphale’s miracle in the pub, with that swelling noise that gets used so often in epic soundtracks. If that was the case, that definitely points towards the noise relating to the mindset of the caster, because that one would either have been driven by need or by the caster having good moral intent. The sounds we hear on the cellar on the other hand; they sound more like the snakelike versions we heard from Crawley earlier, although there’s something about them that sounds less ominous than previously.

In the last point of this part of the write-up, I find it notable that Aziraphale doesn’t try to interfere with Crawley’s transforming of the children, even though it’s clear he disapproves.

Perhaps it’s because he realises he’s pushed Crawley too far already to chastise him further for showing his true colours. Maybe it’s because there’s not really any harm being done in his actions. Maybe it’s because the angel was as disgusted with Ennon and Keziahs’ attitudes as Crawley is. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because he’s actually pretty happy to be able to spend some time with the demon alone. I know which one of those theories I like the most.

This seems like as good a place as any to wrap up this part of the write-up, not least because we’re about to get to a pivotal moment of Aziraphale’s personal development and a fandom favourite in the relationship development, and I’ve already written far too many words on this tiny section to be normal. For now, and as always, questions, comments, discussion: always welcome and see you for the next one 😊

[sixth-light]

ok ok slightly feral post as promised.

first, some context setting: I think it's really interesting to analyse texts in terms of both what the author was trying to do (and whether they succeeded) and what they ended up doing (intentionally or not) and I think their cultural/historical context is vital if you want to do this. I'm not interested in whether Robert Jordan or the Wheel of Time are, like, morally correct in their politics or whatever. I'm interested in what the art is trying to do.

and the thing about Jordan, see, is that he projected this image during his lifetime of a Genial Older Man (see: beard and pipe) but he...wasn't actually that old! He was 42 when EoTW was published. He died at 58. He was a Baby Boomer publishing books at a time when Baby Boomers were the hip young generation taking over from stodgy WWII veterans (Gen Z: It Will Happen To You Too).

What this means is that he was a child and adolescent during the Civil Rights movement, in a then-majority Black city in the Jim Crow South*. He would have gone to segregated schools. The tertiary institutions he attended had only started to desegregate a year or two before he attended each of them. I think his war trauma in Vietnam gets a lot of attention because he did talk about it and also because that's a narrative we understand for white men, but I think we...skim over the impact on white men of growing up at this time because? Civil Rights only happened to Black Americans I guess? but it's his context too. Similarly, he was an adolescent and young man at the time the (white) feminist movement was really kicking off in the US. he was in his mid-20s when banks were first legally *required* to allow women to open accounts and have credit cards in their own names. he went on to marry a woman a decade older than him, who had left her husband to raise her son as a single mother while continuing a professional career in the early 70s; these were issues that must have been incredibly relevant for her.

and what we see in his writing is attempts to grapple with gender and race that are self-evidently of mixed success, but I think have to be contextualised in light of this period of immense change he grew up in. Think about the predominance of women as merchants and bankers in WoT, in the context of how recent their rights to even control their own money were in the US. The...everything...he was trying to do with the Seanchan, making them extra-canonically Southern American-coded. The Whitecloaks as the KKK (among other things, of course).

As an example, I think there's also something probably unintentional but fascinating in the way he presents the pre-Breaking Aiel: bluntly, they are a distinct ethnic group in hereditary servitude (always thinking about how that ancestor of Rand's in the Rhuidean sequence had to get permission from Mierin Sedai to switch to someone else's service so he could marry his girlfriend, this is...uh...super cognate to issues enslaved Black people faced). They're associated with agriculture through the Song sequence. And they're pretty much the ideal of what slave-owning Southern American culture WANTED enslaved Black people to be: completely happy to serve. Then, as the post-breaking Aiel, they become feared as a source of violence, which resonates with the way that enslaved people were feared by their slavers.

I don't think for a second that the intention here was to depict the AoL as a Secret Slavery Dystopia, I think we're meant to take the Rhuidean flashback sections pretty much as they read on the page. But I also think putting Jordan in his historical and cultural context does pose the comparison. Similarly, I find it really interesting that he positions Seanchan as riven by constant revolts and uprisings (because it's a fascist slaver regime) but he never ever goes so far as to link enslaved people in Seanchan (damane and da'covale) to those revolts and uprisings, even though that is fundamentally the deep fear *for real and obvious reasons* of all slavery-based societies.

Or then there's the changes to the Two Rivers in the books - like, both then and now I think it's actually pretty radical to present an influx of Muslim-coded refugees of colour as a thing that enriches the Two Rivers both socially and economically. Various characters are wistful that it's changed, but they don't think it's bad. The text here is really clear that welcoming the Domani and Almoth Plain refugees is both morally right and beneficial. And this is in a book being written and published shortly after the first Gulf War.

There's so many more things like this where I just have no real idea what he was trying to do on purpose and what was accidental and what was fun for him in fiction but did not necessarily link at all to his real-world political beliefs. but gosh it's interesting to turn over and poke at.

[theyanderebin]

Yantober Day 2! Fate!

I had a bit of fun with this one! I like making creatures :)

A dress and some stockings are mentioned like once but other than that the reader gender is pretty ambiguous, i think-

(Prompt from @Ozzgin's Yantober list, it's a very good one, if you haven't looked you should go check it out!)

it's about 1.5K words

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many? How many times!? How many times did it have to find you like this! Your body cold, lifeless. Blood pooling beneath your soft body. Your pretty eyes glazed over. It's blood boiled as it gently scooped up your corpse in it's large arms, silently carrying you away.

It buried you. Carefully and lovingly, in a delicately carved coffin. As it does every time. It stared out over the plot of land, grass a lively green. Unlike the stones laid in it. Each and every one, a grave of it's lover. A reminder of every time it was too late to save you. A low growl left it's snarled lips, thick tail whipped in frustration. It vowed not to fail next time. No matter what it had to do…

There's a prophecy passed through many generations. A cruel one, some might say. A prophecy of a powerful monster and it's lover. That if they were ever to reunite the world would crumble into an end, or so it says.

You're family, knew this prophecy well. Being that they were one of those to be tasked to destroy every reincarnation of it's lover and they did. Along with many other families, many times over. Despite your family heritage, your own training, you couldn't help but feel sour about the whole thing. "It kind of sucks, doesn't it?" You'd say to your siblings. They'd both only shrug, "That's just how it is." And you could only sigh in reply.

Your apparent sympathies for the monster had always drawn concern across your mother's face, her brows furrowed, lip pursed into a thin line. "We have to." She'd start, but by the second time you'd stopped her. "I know we have to, doesn't mean it sucks any less though…" Now only she could sigh "You're too good, for your own good."

It always took forever for the families to find each reincarnation. Even despite how wide spread they were, how many people were dedicated to staving of the crumbling end. Even so they managed. Your family having kept notes on small things about each and every version they'd slaughtered, did make it easier?

Well judging by the frantic energy, the answer would be. No. If anything you were beginning to think they were too obsessed with the little details. They found patterns in traits, likes, features, wherever they could. Kept drilling it all into each and every one of their heads. You'd found yourself staring into your grandmother's notes on few occasions, never particularly seeing whatever it is that they raved about. None of it ever really lined up for you. Clearly there was something though, right? They hadn't failed yet.

One thing that you'd noticed on your most recent perusal of the notes, flipping through old thin pages. The dates they had written, when they'd found and slaughtered the right person. They were becoming further and further apart. They were getting harder to find. "Maybe, we're a little too focused on the details?" You thought, "It's like they're all forgetting there's a picture at all…" You kept reading, noting briefly that man that's a lot of child murder- flicking the page to the most recently dated. A few weeks off 25 years ago. You huffed a laugh, "Wow, it's taking a real long time. At this rate I'll be dead before they figure out who it is." Closing the book, leaving on the table you meandered out of the archive room.

Weeks went by and before you knew it it was your 25th birthday. You looked yourself over in the mirror, outfit? Check. Personally you think you did an excellent job styling yourself. A cute dress and stockings that hugged your plump thighs. Picking up your bag off of the end of your bed. Phone, wallet and keys? Check, check and check! Phone pinging, you could hear the car outside.

Sat underneath an umbrella with your friends, at the outdoor table of your favourite lunch spot. The cafe wasn't exactly the busiest but the fact it was nice and kind of quaint was always what drew the lot of you to it. The outside of the cafe had a selection of garden bed with multitudes of flowers in a range of colours. You always made sure to put them in every photo you all took together. Even while you giggled and chatted away with the group. No matter what you did, something was off. An odd feeling in your stomach, it made the hair on your neck stand up. It was like something was watching. No matter what you tried, using your phone camera to look behind you. Nothing. Going inside to get a napkin. You could still feel eyes on you. No matter where you went. As long as you had people around you were good, right? It'll be fine. So you stayed with your friends all day, like you'd all been planning to. Listening to their shenanigans and ignoring the pit in your stomach. One of them lamented the time last week that they had to take their dog to the vet.

"I got in the car, started driving," She pushed her hair behind her ear, was that a shadow behind her? "And i drove myself all the way there. Like the full 45 minute drive. Without realising," Her roommate snickered and they shushed them. You could of sworn you just saw a pair of eyes around the corner of that building down the street. "The worst part. I'd parked and everything! Look back? Oh!" She throws up her hands, "No dog!" Their roommate giggling maniacally at her misery. "I'd just fully forgotten the dog! How do you even do that?" She huffed and you let out a small exhale.

The feeling never did go away. Instead it began to stay longer, like it was waiting for something. Out of the corner of you eye some days, there was something. You never managed to catch it. It never mattered how fast you whipped around. Your mother had seen you do it once or twice one day. "Are you okay?" She asked, her brows furrowed in worry. Never one to want to worry your mother "Uh! Yah! Yeah. I'm.. I'm good. just flies." You grinned awkwardly. Whatever it was you were pretty sure you could deal with it. "Flies?" Blinked your mother. "Yep." "Right… Well if something IS wrong you can tell me" She said, placing her hand on your shoulder "You do know that right?" "Yeah. Yeah um, thanks…" You breathed.

You never did end up mentioning it.

Breathing heavily you hauled yourself around the corner of a brick building, you weren't even sure where you were going. Everything was starting to blur into colours. Your lungs burned and your legs were going numb. Well if you survived this you'd have news for your family! It's resurfaced! The path changed around you. Unable to stop your momentum to put your hands out to cushion yourself and push off of the newly placed brick wall in front of you. Only you turned and collided with the fuzzy chest of the creature that was hunting you. "Shit." You thought. Fur coated reptilian tail wrapping around your waist, it's big arms enclosed around your shoulders, hand on the back off your head and pressing you closer to it.

You were the one. It could smell it. It could feel it. It could feel it in how perfect you felt in it's arms. You could only blink in confusion as a rumble emanated from it's warm body. It was kind of nice, almost comforting, familiar even… "Oh." You belatedly realised as it purred into you hair "Oh no." Your thoughts were very interrupted by it lifting you carefully off of the ground. "Finally…" It mumbled, "You are safe. I will protect you this time. I swear it" You tried to wriggle your way out of it's arms, this only resulted in it holding your soft round body that little bit tighter. Bordering on uncomfortable, it wasn't letting you go. It purred practically the whole time as it took you away, claws gently running over your scalp.

It kept you safe and tucked away in it's home, far into the woods. A simple home. You stayed there, far away from everything. The bed it gave you was far softer than anything you'd ever had in your life. Staying with you every night and curling it big fur covered body around you to ensure you're safe and warm. You weren't even sure of the actual state the world was in, you couldn't tell if anything had gone wrong. So you stayed and let it play with your hair and press kisses to you round face and chubby belly. You stayed and let it rest it's head on your thigh in the lounge room while you petted it behind it's ears that were somewhere between a fox and a cat's. All you felt like you could do was stay inside that house in the woods and let it love you almost reverently. Like the world was one big cat in a box that you didn't want to open.

[fellamarsh]

another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

[deep-fried-egg]

You want to start a family? (Old)

CW: kinda OOC Vada, I promise she cleaned her dick, unnasty girl, nsfw, g!p, pregnancy, miscarriage, longggg... 5k+ words

SMUT BELOW THE CUT

I have been thinking about this for a while...Well, I say a while like it's been years of thinking but it's only really been 3 months since the thought first popped into my mind.

I really want to start a family with my wife.

But alas, I'm way too nervous to ask.  I mean it's Vada...does she even like kids? 

Even if she doesn't It'll still be good to get it off my chest.  And if she does...well I can finally have a night of passion with my wife after so long.

Speaking of, Vada gets home in about 30 minutes, that's plenty of time to think about what I want to say to her...god I'm so nervous.

I end up not thinking about what to say though.  Instead I continue to read the book I recently got it's called Shiver it's pretty good so far.

But sadly I couldn't finish the book because as soon as I was about to finish the book...I was on the second to last page I had to put it down because I heard the door being opened and I knew my wife was finally home.

I rushed towards the door to greet her because I knew she probably had a long day and would be happy to see me.

As soon as I got to the door I heard vada gasp.  "Oh my god you scared me! Hey!" Vada pulled me close to her by my waist and gave me a kiss but she was smiling into it which made it kind of hard to kiss but I continue anyway.

Vada pulls away from me and drops the smile.

"Well, there is something I want to talk to you about.  And don't worry it's not anything bad...it's the opposite actually."  Vada ran her fingers through my hair and kept her other hand on my lower back.

"Oh yeah? What is it?" I asked her, running my hand up her stomach and eventually reached her chest.

"Well, I was wondering if...I don't know...I was thinking about starting a family with you and...you just seem like you'd be such a good mother and-" I eventually cut Vada off.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing actually..."  I removed my hand from her chest and instead wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Well then...shall we start making our family now?" Vada's voice got lower as she continued to talk to me about this.  I can tell she's been thinking about it.

"Vada, your dicks poking me" I said as I looked down at the large tent in my wife's pants.

"What can I say? You're hot." Vada tried to start grinding against my thigh but I pulled away from her grasp.

"You interrupted my reading time and I'm really close to the end of my book and id like to finish." I headed over to our living room where I left it.

"I'm sure you can wait can't you?" I looked back over to vada who was staring back at me with her fists clenched.

"Oh come on I'm almost done...I only have one page left! I need to see what happens."  I  would say I could see the cogs turning in her mind but I'm pretty sure there's no thoughts behind those eyes right now.

Vada sat next to me on the couch and tightly grabbed her thigh right next to her obvious bulge.

I can hear her breath hitch when she cups her cock through her pants.  Vada is obviously trying to get me to fuck her but it won't work.  Not yet.

I reached over and grabbed Vada's right wrist, stopping her from any further movement which made her quietly whine.

I slammed my book closed with the hand that wasn't occupied.  "Fuck the book." I quickly turned towards Vada and captured her lips in a kiss.

I crawled into Vada's lap and ground my hips down into her.  Vada's hands immediately went to my hips to assist my movements.

I can feel her occasionally hitting my clit which sends shocks of pleasure through my body.  This is the night I wanted to have with my wife, truly.

Vada hid her face in my neck and left a couple marks...well I say a couple but I really mean a fuck ton.

Vada's grip on me started to get tighter but not to the point of hurting.  She suddenly stopped me from moving anymore.

"What are you doing? Why'd you stop?" I looked down at her, irritated that she'd suddenly stop like that.

"I'm sorry it's just...I was about to cum and the only place I want to cum..." Vada leaned closer to my ear.  "Is inside of you."

I clenched my jaw shut and softly sighed.  Vada started to take my shirt off and once she finally got it off she threw it across the room.  She unhooked my bra and gave it the same treatment, throwing it somewhere in the room not really caring where it ends up.

Vada carefully pushed me back onto the couch so I'd lay down in front of her which made it harder to get both of our pants off but she magically did so without any problems.

I reached under vada's shirt to squeeze her Right boob which made her let out a shaky breath.

"You need to stop distracting me so we can actually get this done..." Vada said and soon after slowly slid her cock inside of me.

I loudly moaned which gave Vada a big confidence boost.  Once she bottomed out inside me Vada started to kiss and mark my chest then eventually pulled away to put both of her hands on my stomach and started to move carefully watching my reactions.

"You're gonna look so pretty with my baby inside you..." I can tell Vada is holding back her orgasm...she usually doesn't do dirty talk she usually just praises me...maybe she's just feeling different today.

"Please...let me cum...I need to fill you up... please" Vada usually doesn't beg... what's with her? Well, I don't mind.  I'm into it actually.

"Please..." Vada said right before giving me one final thrust and cumming deep inside of me.  The feeling of her warm seed painting my insides triggered my orgasm as well.

As soon as we both calmed down Vada pulled out, careful to not spill anything from inside of me and reached behind herself to grab a cushion and put it under my hips.

I accidentally pushed a little bit out when Vada put the cushion under me so she just scooped it up and pushed it back inside of me, giving a few additional pumps of her fingers.

Vada kissed my cheek and relaxed on top of me.

"Goodnight." I could hear vada say before I could fall asleep so I mumbled something that vaguely sounded like a goodnight back before I drifted off to sleep.  This is going to be a hell of a journey I can tell.

~

I have been trying to get pregnant for months but it seems like every time I think I might be pregnant I just get disappointed and I don't think this time will be any different.

You know, maybe I'm just not fit to be a mother... maybe it just wasn't meant for me.

Either way, I accepted vada's offer of trying one more time and if that doesn't work, just giving up.

Vada unbuttoned her pants to show me the bulge she got from her dick and she started to rub herself through her boxers.

"You ready to try for a baby again?"

"You say that like we're in the Sims Vada."

"Yeah yeah, just help me out..." As soon as vada said that she thrusted her hips up to meet her hand.

"Fine, I was enjoying watching you but I guess I can help." I take off vada's boxers and I don't have to take any of my clothes off because I'm already naked.

Vada brought me into her lap similar to the first time she tried to get me pregnant.

I reached under myself to position Vada's cock to the right spot so I can slip it inside of myself.

My face is pressed against vada's chest and I see my stomach move as Vada pushes in slowly. I close my eyes and moan as Vada starts to fuck me, in and out. I pull my head back and gasp when I feel the tip press into my cervix. Vada begins pushing into me hard. She feels bigger than before and the feeling makes me shiver.

I feel a huge wave of pleasure as I feel her fingers in my hair, her nails digging into my scalp and her hips moving faster than before, slowly bringing both of us closer to our climax.

Suddenly vada's hand in my hair pulls my head up so she can suck hickeys onto my neck.

I feel her hand slide down my stomach to touch my clit, making me moan louder and louder with each passing second. It almost feels as if my orgasm won't come and that my body is forcing itself not to give out.

Vada let's go of my hair and she places a soft kiss on my lips and slides her hand down between us, rubbing my stomach as she does that. I feel myself getting wetter by the second and I want her to cum inside of me. So, I wrap my legs around hers which made me feel even more full than before.

The last time we tried this, it didn't take long for me to orgasm and now I'm afraid I'll disappoint her. Maybe this isn't a good idea...

As soon as she felt me tense up she stopped moving and pushed back out so she could sit on my thighs. She looked at me in concern and said, "Y/n, are you okay?"

"I'm alright, I think." I grabbed her hand so she wouldn't go away. She took me up in a hug instead. "I just thought maybe this wouldn't be a good idea." I buried my head in her shoulder.

She rubbed my back softly and told me, "It's fine, I promise. Now cmon lets try again and make sure we actually get a baby in there." Vada pushed herself back inside of me and began thrusting her hips into mine.

I wrapped my legs tighter around her as she sped up. Soon all I could think about was vada and how good she's fucking me.

We were both moaning loudly and the whole apartment seemed to echo with our moans.

I closed my eyes so I couldn't watch how much progress she was making in putting our baby in me. Every stroke felt so perfect, I wanted it to never end.

The longer she thrusted into me, the more I could tell that she was still getting closer to her orgasm too. She moaned my name and gripped my waist so tight, I had trouble breathing. After a few more thrusts she finally came, leaving me to follow closely behind.

The both of us collapsed into each other's arms as we panted and smiled brightly. We kissed until neither one of us had any air left to breathe.

"So how was that?" She asked once our breathing returned to normal.

"Amazing~" I replied while kissing her jaw line. "I mean really good. You really did great, babe." She smiled happily then pulled me towards her lips for a kiss

Vada held me tightly so I couldn't get away from her. The feeling of Vada inside of me was amazing, nothing compared to what she was doing to me earlier. She kept kissing me while keeping her hands on my hips to keep me from pulling away.

Eventually, though, she pulled back. "Come on, let's get cleaned up and get ready for bed." she said as she walked into the bathroom.

I followed behind her and took a shower first, knowing I probably smelled like sex and sweat. Once I came out of the shower I wrapped myself in a towel and dried off while Vada brushed her teeth.

Once she joined me in bed, Vada turned over so she was lying directly underneath me. She snuggled in next to me and we fell asleep holding each other.

~

I'm already 4 months into my pregnancy and I have to say I am so happy that we didn't have to go through the disappointment of a test coming back negative. Also I'm happy that Vada seems excited about this... speaking of, she always has late night talks with me when I can't go to sleep due the odd feeling of another being moving inside of me...not like that! But the feeling another person kicking inside of me is so weird I can't explain It well...it's kinda like tiny pulses inside of my stomach. well, I don't know if that counts as my baby "kicking" but I think it does.

Vada motions for me to sit in front of her own our bed by just patting the spot in front of her but I understood the motion and sit with my legs crossed in between her legs with my shirt off because Vada offered to give me a "little massage" because I told her I feel tension in my lower back and my stomach.

"Yeah, press your stomach against mine." Vada reaches over to her nightstand and grabs our massage oil that we got like a year ago but never used.

"Hey this is finally being put to good use!" Vada squeezed a little onto her hand and rubbed it onto my stomach, lightly pushing down with the heels of her hands, careful not to hurt me or our baby.

"Your stomach has been getting so big recently." Vada stopped pressing down and just chose to put both hands on my stomach.

"It's still so crazy to me that out bodies worked together to make this." Vada gave me a couple light kisses on my cheek,lips and my jaw, really anything she can reach actually. She just feels like loving you!

I hum in happiness and get a big smile on my face because Vada kissed a spot on my neck that tickles.

"Aww I love your smile...you're so beautiful." Vada moved her hands to my lower back to help release the tension in my sore muscles.

"Yeah I know, you tell me that a lot." I rest my head on Vada's shoulder and feel myself start to get sleepy, but I'll stay awake for her.

"It's because you are...I'm so lucky to have you."

"You're lucky to have me? I'm lucky to know you! You're the funniest and prettiest person I know."

Vada giggled at my compliments and I just wanted to kiss those adorable dimples in her cheeks but instead I just continue to nuzzle against her. Vada always smells nice, she always smells minty it's great.

"Are you okay? Your eyes are droopy..." Vada said while rubbing my back.

"Oh yeah, just tired..." I yawn and rub my eye shut.

Vada smiled and pulled me close into a hug again, placing a soft kiss on top of my head while rubbing my back gently. After 5 minutes of us just relaxing, Vada spoke up. "Can we please talk about our baby? Or should we wait 'til tomorrow?

I can feel the smile on her voice.

"Nahh I'm awake now~" I yawned once more before continuing, "what was it you were saying about talking about our baby?"

"Well after all these months, we' re finally going to be parents." She sounds proud. And that makes me feel proud too. Vada wants the best for our baby - even though I've only been pregnant for 4 months - and that's why she keeps asking if I'm okay every time our little one kicks. Even though its not like I'm complaining or anything.

It's a cute way for her to express her love for us and I love her for caring about me. We haven't told any of our friends about what's happening - except Vada's parents, but they know how we feel and wont spread the word around anyway.

"Did you just realize that we're gonna be mom's?" I teased,  making Vada laugh softly and I smiled. God I'm so lucky to have this amazing girl by my side. The thought that we're going to have a kid of our own soon is still foreign though - but not to as much as having an adorable, loving wife like Vada by my side.  If anything, I would rather have my wife and our child together and safe than not have them at all.

After all, they're the most important people in my life.

Vada leans closer and plants a sweet, long kiss on my lips, pulling away with a shy smile when we broke apart.

"Yeah, I did~ and I'm so happy I get to raise this kid with you."  Vada's face is beaming, and I can see some tears threatening to fall down from her big brown eyes. God she's so damn cute!

I move my hands up to cup her beautiful face while I place a lingering kiss on her lips.

When I pull away, I whisper in her ear and she laughs again.

"You know I love you right?" I say quietly, resting my forehead against hers.

"And I love you," Vada responds, placing her hand over mine and giving it a squeeze.

I lean forward and plant another gentle kiss on her soft lips. I'll never tire of kissing Vada, she's everything to me and I don't ever want to stop touching her. Ever. I can just feel her heart beating faster because of the contact.

We stay like that, just holding each other tightly and enjoying every second of this moment. I could die happy right here, right now. Everything seems perfect. Nothing in the world matters compared to this blissful feeling in my chest and stomach whenever I'm with my beautiful wife who's always by my side and will always be there for me no matter what happens.

~

I was just going shopping with my wife on a nice little outting when I felt fluid come out of me...My fucking water broke in public. What the fuck is wrong with the world? And to top it off some poor old lady had to watch.  Fuck my life.

My beautiful wife, who I'm trying very hard not to think about, saw what happened and was freaking out over what just happened.  She called 911 while telling me to calm down. She's such an angel.

I hope the fucking paramedics come soon because I am already extremely embarrassed about my water breaking in FUCKING PUBLIC.

That woman is looking at me like I killed her grandchild and she doesn't even know why that's happening. The fucker has no right to judge me. It's my fucking bodies fault for Christ's sake.   I didn't force this shit out of me! I didn't make the damn thing happen in any way. And if anyone is going to look at me weird then they can shove it up their ass. Fuck that shit!

Vada just got sick of waiting for the paramedics so she just took my hand and we ran off to the car  and booked it to the hospital.I

I don't even remember how we managed to get to the fucking hospital. Vada just knew we needed to hurry or something.  God bless her.

Once we got to the hospital she hurriedly talked to the man at the front desk.  He just told us to go to the delivery room since my water already broke.  I nod and follow the directions the man gave me  without even asking any questions.  This was not a good day for me.

The doors to the delivery room were open and a woman wearing scrubs was standing there smiling at me.  I walked up to her as my wife stood next to me holding both our hands tightly.  The woman said, “Hi, My name is Dr. Lander.  Are you ready for your baby?”  I nodded, and she brought us into the room and had me lay on the bed.  The doctor started prepping me by asking some technical question I didn't quite catch.  I could feel the contractions starting inside of me but I tried to ignore them but it started getting so painful that  I couldn't take it anymore.  The doctor seemed to notice that I was struggling and pulled me closer to her side to help me through it.  After a few minutes of agony I began feeling better and less nauseous than before. A few seconds later it seemed to have stopped hurting  so I looked up.  The doctor said, “Everything is good, honey.  You've done great. Just relax now and let me help you.”

And the rest is history.  After a couple hours of pain, the doctor announced that we had twins, two little girls

.  My wife looked like she might cry but she did not.  Instead, I watched as she walked over to where the nurses were checking to see if our babies are healthy and smiled softly at them.   As they checked our babies I sat back on the bed and started thinking...

We're finally mommies.

It's amazing isn't it? How the fuck does the body work in such amazing ways. One second I'm being tortured in hell and the next I have twin daughters.  This must be some kind of twisted miracle.

Finally, the doctor came back with our twins and  handed one of the babies to my wife and one to me.  I held my daughter closely and Vada wrapped her free arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head lovingly. I love my family more than anything...even more than life itself.

~

"They're growing up so fast babe!" Vada said while crying into my shirt because we brought our daughters to elementary school this morning  "It's like they've just been born!" I'm not sure what to say, but I do agree with her and it makes me sad that our two little girls will be in another world from us when we leave them at the daycare."Hey babe," I started, trying to wipe away her tears. "They'll be back soon enough."  She gave a small smile and nodded before kissing me on the lips. I tried to kiss her back and she smiled again while looking into my eyes."We should go now," Vada broke the kiss and looked down at her watch. It was about time that we got going."Yea, let's get going love," I said as we made our way to the car. We drove in silence for awhile, both of us thinking about all the things that are going to change once those little girls come home.

"Hey babe?" I asked her, pulling into a parking spot in front of the preschool,  which is also where we were headed. Vada turned towards me and put her hand over mine.  I held it and looked at her and she stared into my eyes until my heart almost exploded inside of my chest. I can still feel her soft hand in mine whenever I think of how much she means to me even after 15 years together.  She smiles to every single person she sees, she cares for her kids, loves spending time with them and is one of the most generous human beings I know.  And when she looks at me and smiles like that... it makes me fall deeper.  I mean who wouldn't fall in love with a woman who puts everyone else first and is such an amazing mother?  I don't deserve her.  But I love her anyway.  I love her more than anything in the world.  I love her so much that sometimes I wonder if I could ever live without her.  I love her so much that I would give up everything for her. My whole life for hers. My entire being to make her happy.

It seems like everything she does has to mean something. Every moment she spends with me or with her children, no matter the situation, always ends up meaning something to me.

Whether it's her cooking dinner, watching a movie with them, cuddling up with her when she has bad days or simply  just smiling at me when she knows I'm around, every moment is perfect for me.  Every time I'm with her it feels like the most wonderful thing ever. The purest, brightest feeling ever.

"Well, you ready to pick them up?" Vada asked,  breaking me out of my trance. I blinked a couple of times and shook myself out of my daze. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts that I forgot that we were supposed to be picking our daughters up from school.

I nodded and kissed Vada on the lips before opening the door of my car. She did the same before walking towards the entrance of the building and holding the large glass doors open for me. I chuckled slightly and thanked her before walking through. 

"Hello ladies," I greeted the other mothers standing at reception, waiting for their kids to arrive, "how have you been today?" All three of the moms smiled politely at me and answered my question before heading to the elevator. I went into the lift and waited with Vada for the elevator to arrive. When it did, I pressed the button for the 2nd floor, where the classroom was located.  A few minutes later, the elevator opened and a group of four kids wearing matching blue dresses and red shoes ran out. They immediately headed straight to their parents and began chattering happily about their day. As we walked towards the classroom, we heard the loud voices of their teachers, all telling their class how excited they were to start learning about different topics and having fun learning. Our daughter's teacher had told us that they would begin teaching each subject in a few weeks and that their class would be learning about dinosaurs.

When we walked into the room we saw our daughters sitting on the floor surrounded by books and notebooks and papers that they spread everywhere. Their teacher, Ms. Tilly, waved at us with a smile on her face and then proceeded to ask a slightly uncomfortable question.

"Oh hello! Are your husbands waiting in the car?"

"Nope, we came here to pick up our daughters-"

"Yes ma'am," Vada cut me off before whispering to me that she didn't want any homophobic comments from the teacher. I rolled my eyes and continued, "but they aren't here right now, they went out with some friends."  Ms. Tilly nodded and smiled at us one last time before saying goodbye and letting us get our daughters and leave.

Once we got outside, I stopped my wife.

"Okay Vada," I grabbed her arm and pointed to the car. "We need to get going. We still have a lot to do at home." She raised an eyebrow at me and shook her head.

"No, we don't. If I remember correctly, there isn't anything that you had planned for today. So why do you need to rush?" I sighed deeply before opening the back doors and helping our daughters get into their booster seats.

I got into the car next to vada and answered her question.  "Well, I was hoping we could have a little fun when we put the girls to sleep?" I smirked at her and she groaned before hitting me lightly on the shoulder.  "Ow! Ok ok sorry!" I start to pull out of the lot to start the journey home.

"So how was your first day at school girls?"  I asked them as I turned onto the main road.

"It was very cool! I learned about a bunch of new species today and they were super nice!" The older twin, Laila replied with a huge grin on her face. I chuckled and nodded.

"That sounds great, darling. Your sister is just as excited as you to learn something new," I said to the younger twin, Emily. "And I am sure that when she learns about them, she will be more excited." Laila giggled at my comment and Emily laughed along. "What about you, sweetie?"

I turned my attention to the youngest daughter.

Emmy sat quietly for a minute before replying, "It was really fun. Miss Tilly showed me all the dinosaurs and she wanted me to tell her their names and she gave me stickers for all of the ones that I could name!" she explained, handing Laila one of the stickers she had received. Laila giggled before looking at her twin and giving her a sticker as well. I smiled fondly at the two. They were truly adorable.

"Yeah I bet those were exciting!" Vada commented and Emily nodded enthusiastically in response.  I laughed slightly and continued driving.    Soon enough, we reached home and walked inside. Once the girls went off to their room to do whatever, Vada grabbed my waist and started kissing me passionately. I returned the kiss and deepened the kiss. When she finally pulled away she whispered in my ear "Why don't you go take a shower while I prepare dinner. It'll only take 20 minutes."  I grinned and pecked her cheek before making my way upstairs.  When I got to our bedroom, I undressed and hopped into the shower.  I washed myself off thoroughly before drying off and changing into a black tank top, some shorts and a pair of dark blue socks.

When I came out of the bathroom, I found my wife in the kitchen preparing dinner.

"Is it ready yet?" I asked her, kissing her jawline as I wrapped my arms around her waist. She nodded against my mouth.

"Almost done.  And why don't you help me finish it?"

I kissed down her neck while wrapping my arms tighter around her waist. My hands roam across her chest gently and I can feel her heart beating fast. My fingers move lower until my hand reaches the top of her pants  and my hand slides under the hem and reaches her boxers underneath. I want to start stroking her cock through her boxers but I hear our daughters door open

Vada quickly removes my hand from where it was previously resting over her underwear. We both look down the hall to luckily see that neither of our daughters saw what we were doing .

When Laila walks out of her room, we pretend like we haven't been doing anything weird. I start to help set the table for dinner and  Vada gets all their plates.

I can barely contain my laughter as I walk past Emily to give Vada a kiss. The look of shock on Emily's face is priceless.

When we finished dinner me and Vada let the girls have 2 hours of play time before they went to bed so me and Vada could finally fuck.

"Goodnight girls!" I said as I closed the door of the twins room.  When I went back to me and Vada's room , I noticed Vada hadn't changed and was still standing in the walk in closet.

"Sweetheart?" I called softly. "You know the girls are asleep." Her reply was muffled as she tried to find an outfit to wear that night.  I knew better than to push her buttons this late at night.

After a few minutes she emerged from the walk in closet wearing nothing but a bra and boxers. She looked at me expectantly, but I kept my poker face.

  "Alright love," vada said, "let's get you out of those clothes..." 

With that she slowly took off my tank top and pulled it over my head. She leaned forward and whispered "Mmmm...you smell good. Like lavender or something." Before placing a soft kiss on my lips. I placed my hands on either side of her face and moved her lips to mine. After we separated, she grabbed my hands and led me to the bed, laying me down and crawling into my lap. She positioned herself comfortably between my legs as she straddled me.

She bagan to unhook her bra  and remove her boxers.  I started running my fingers through her hair and kissing her deeply. While my hands roamed down her stomach,  she grabbed my wrists  and pushed me back. Once I landed back on the bed with her above me and hovering over me. She pulled away from me again and rested her weight on one hand, the other holding my hips. She leaned down and started sucking bruises along my neck.

"Do you wanna play a game tonight?"

~END~

[tetheredfeathers]

My favourite post Mockingjay fics

@notafraidtodissapear since you asked 💕

One shots

making a blank page bloom: drabble collection by songbirdheart

A writer I have discovered recently, I cannot emphasize how much I love her writing. If an angel could write it would be her. This fic is sweet and short. Katniss sings her poem to Peeta.

eden by songbirdheart

Another one by the same author. Can you tell how obsessed I am?!!? Dw you'll understand her genius when you read it. A poem about everlark growing back together.

What's In A Name? by Joshs_left_earlobe

Everlark's first fight, lots of fluff and angst.

Fighting the Rain by starsmahogany (Jodalyn)

Cute fluffy fic of Peeta taking care of Katniss after she comes homes soaked from the rain.

The Unexpected Message by Diana_Flynn

Years after the war has ended Katniss has a fight with Peeta, but she finds an a gift that changes her perspective.

Multi chapter fics.

Baby Steps by Ronja

Growing back together/pregnancy fic, goes back and forth between her pregnancy and their initial growing back post war. Delves into some of the political aspects of Panem, and Katniss and Peeta's involvement. Enjoyed reading this alot.

When the Red X is on the Door By: MADAM BETH

A growing back that fixates more on Peeta's episodes, very realistic and perfect characterization. Timeline goes back and forth from initial post war to their with children. Loved this, it's also 57 chapters so might as well think of it as the 4th missing book.

Growing New Wings By: SkyLark89

Very accurate to the book, I always come back to this fic after my rereads. They rewatch the games to help Peeta's memory and work on the book. Starts off after Peeta's arrival and ends with "real".

A Little Drop of Hope By: Chinchilla17

In Peeta's pov, most growing back fics are in Katniss' pov so it was quite interesting to be in Peeta's mind after the hijacking.

The List orphan_account by silvercistern

This one is a must read, I'm sure everyone has heard of this one. Like if Collins were to write another book it would be this one.

Back to Twelve igsygrace

Another popular one, by the same author who wrote Peeta's games. I don't even need to tell you how good this. I will admit though I had some mixed feelings about the ending, because the author makes them go through another war. I'm not really sure if it's war tbh, but someone is trying to overthrow the government typa shit..

I have a problem with canon divergence so I didn't read the final chapter. idk why canon divergence just feels so wrong to me. But if you do like canon divergence this one could be really good. Anyway it's only the last chapter that is like that, the rest are all regular growing back material.

Synchronicity by ashyblondwaves

A collection of one shots and stories examining Katniss and Peeta's relationship post-Mockingjay. Peeta's POV. Pretty long but I really liked it. There's something about the writing that drew me to it. The problem is I have read a lot of these along time ago so I can't remember the exacts reasons any of these fics stuck out to me, I just remember they did.

Worse Games to Play By: Belmione

How Katniss finally decides to have children. Read a long time ago, but it's really sweet.