#pretty recently though. only started reading the books this year i think

[wheucto]

wanted to draw a cat. pretty satisfied w how it came out

[rafesbowbunny]

𝜗𝜚 bunny!reader has always had a thing for a regular at her bookstore, older!rafe only comes in to see her

c!w; mdni !! older!rafe, dom!rafe, bunny!reader, age-gap (reader is 18+), size kink, rafe gets called 'daddy' a few times, dirty talk, mutual pining obviously, 'unprotected' sex, p in v, creampie, overstimulation (if you squint), cum play, cum eating, oral (f. receiving)

notes; i had such bad writer's block during the making of this so i apologise if this isn't my best work... also its kinda long before the smut but it needed some plot !!

you'd just gotten a job at a new cozy bookstore in town. it was perfect, had rows and rows of every genre of book a person could think of and a lovely little cafe with a cozy area to read in too. you loved working there, and had recently gotten much more comfortable after finally getting the hang of everything.

there were quite a few regulars that would come in for the coffee and a book, lots were mothers with quiet children that would sit down in the children's corner and read, others were just people of all ages that particularly enjoyed sitting in the bookstore for hours.

you were stacking shelves the first time you saw him; tall, gorgeous and smiling slightly under his cute scruffy moustache. he was flicking through the non-fiction books. though he didn't look like someone that read, adorned in workwear and partially grubby clothing, most likely from his blue collar job.

you could tell he was definitely older, around ten years your senior but still so pretty. after that first minor interaction you started seeing him come in a lot more, every other day basically. you'd worked up the courage to say hi to him after a few more times of seeing him and although your face was probably bright red, he smiled wide and started a conversation with you.

after the ice had been broken you would always talk to him when he came into the bookstore, it got to a point where he wasn't even pretending to be interested in the books around him anymore, he obviously had come in there to see you again.

rafe had also started coming in early before work started, he looked so good in his carhartt jacket and big boots, not yet dirty from a days work. he'd make sure you were the one to make his coffee, always mumbling something about you having a secret gift as he grinned, letting his hand linger over yours when he'd take his cup.

the tension between the two of you was palpable, your friends and co-workers would make jokes about how no one needed to read romance books in there anymore, they had a whole story playing out in front of them.

you would always laugh and smile at their comments, smitten over the idea of being with rafe but there was always the lingering thought that it was just friendly flirting. nothing more. he probably had a girlfriend, or a wife or something. he was too old and too gorgeous, why would he actually want anything to do with little old you.

these thoughts had you spiralling significantly on one particular day; what if you were wasting all your time and feelings on this older guy that would never want you? would you ever get over him? would you be alone forever?

you were zoning out - hard - as you slid the last few books of your shift onto the shelf, you nearly jumped out of your skin when you saw him standing in front of you with a grin.

"sorry, did i give you a fright?" he mumbled, steadying you with his touch, "'thought you'd heard me when i said y'name but there must be s'much goin' on in that head of yours."

you took a breathe and smiled weakly at him, not being able to shake your pessimistic thoughts from seconds before as he stood in front of you, handsome and speaking.

"no, sorry- lots on my mind i guess" you shrugged, fiddling with your fingers. rafe's brow furrowed, he'd seen you stressed and frustrated because of work but never like this, anxious and pensive.

he tilted his head a little, "what's wrong hm?" he softly coaxed, looking deep into your eyes as he reached out and rubbed your arm with his thumb.

you looked up at him through your lashes, "nothing.. nothing really..." you mumbled, chewing your lip a little.

his gaze darkened as he watched you, "something you wanna ask me bunny?"

you shook your head after shuddering at the nickname. a nickname only rafe used with you, it never failed to give you goosebumps down your body and cause your thighs to squeeze together a little, "don't worry.. er, i'm about to close up in a minute - you don't mind walking me to my car do you?"

his pursed lips melted into a smile and he looked up for a second before nodding. you smiled at him before finally putting away the last few things and grabbing the bookstore's keys. rafe followed you out as you left the store and locked the doors from the outside.

"cold tonight hmm" rafe remarked, looking out at the dim parking lot and neighbouring streets as he walked close to you. you hummed in agreement, readjusting the jacket tighter around you.

when you finally reached your car you looked up at him with a longing smile before he tilted his head, grinning at you, "you gonna tell me what you were thinking about earlier?"

you shook your head, nerves chewing at your lip again.

"c'mon, 'm not gonna see you tomorrow, 'ts your day off bunny, can't make me just wonder all this time hm?" he playfully whined, inching his body closer to yours. you were a little stunned by his words.

"you remember my day off's tomorrow?" the nerves were rising in your tummy now, bubbling around and exploding.

he smirked, sliding your hand into his, "course i'd know when the only reason i go into that bookshop isn't there."

"rafe" you gushed, covering your face a little and shaking your head. you couldn't believe your ears, you thought you weren't stupid or anything but here you were, hearing that he wanted you the whole time. "i thought you were just.. i don't know, entertaining the idea of me this whole time..."

his lips parted and brow furrowed as if it was completely incomprehensible that he might've not actually wanted you, "bunny... you must be talking pure shit now because i thought i'd made it obvious i wanted you from the second i'd gotten to know you."

you chewed at your lip, heat pooling in your tummy as he instinctively inched closer to you as he spoke. all you wanted to do now was jump his bones, and you kept glancing down at the bulge in his pants as it became closer and closer to you.

he noticed your wandering eyes and laughed a little, throwing his head back before sliding both hands up your arms carefully, "...so you said you don't have heating huh?"

you nodded, feeling dizzy at the realisation of what he was about to ask you.

he scoffed with a grin, "see, i've got heating at my place that works pretty well, and - bunny, with the way you're looking at me right now, i think we're better off going there."

you smiled, staring up at him through your lashes before nodding and in an instant he'd grabbed your hand, leading you to his truck. the drive was probably fairly quick, but it felt like hours of agony to the both of you as you patiently waited. rafe's hand was possessively gripping your thigh and you felt wetness in your panties thinking about where else his hands would trail to.

it was a blur, stumbling out of his truck and into his house, you barely looked at the place before the two of you, sloppy and all over each other, had made it to his bedroom. your body was on vibrate but he took a second to take his huge jacket and long sleeve shirt off.

you breathed heavily, eyes widening when street light through the window illuminated his toned chest, he was built like a greek god and you nearly moaned at the thought of all that being all over you.

he teasingly peeled your clothes off, article by article, grinning all the way. he could see you twitching and heavily breathing at every movement, it only fuelled him more.

finally you were in nothing but panties and a bra, matching of course, which made rafe's eyes go wild, "jesus, look at you." he breathed, running his hands along the side of your body as you lay under him.

you slid your arms around his neck and tried to pull him in but he grinned at your lack of strength and you frowned playfully, squirming at the lack of action.

"you gonna ask nicely bunny?" his lips were centimetres away from yours, he was really enjoying teasing you now.

"please... please i want you inside me so bad" you whined, pouting and running your hands into his shaggy mullet. he smirked and leaned in, passionately pressing his lips to yours, engulfing you in heat.

your hands pulled at his jeans, ripping down the zipper as you slid a palm across his clothed cock, gasping at his lips over how big you found him to be.

he tugged himself out of his boxers before lowering down to your core, you burned with desire as you watched the greek god looming over you, slowly bully his cock into your weeping hole.

you groaned at the feeling, his cock slowly slipping all the way down, filling you to the hilt. your grip around his neck tightened, along with his hands holding you steady at your hips.

he drilled into you at an unrelenting pace, the sound of his cock diving in and out of your wet pussy causing him to groan gutturally, "uhghh, you like this big cock baby? c'mon, tell me you've been thinking about daddy's cock since you met me hmm"

you eyes were rolling back, the pleasure becoming too much already, "mmmh i think about daddy's cock all the time... oh! fuuuck."

you looked down at your tummy, a clear huge bulge poking everytime rafe drove his dick into you, only making you dizzier. he was just so big.

a creamy line of arousal was thick around the base of rafe's cock, your breath all ragged as he continued to drill into you, toying with your clit to overstimulate you.

you were shaking under him, one hand gripping onto a bicep and the other tugging the sheets beside you. the sheer girth of him was splitting you open, rafe grinned at the yelps escaping your lips with every thrust.

"pussy's swallowing me whole, fuck bunny" he grunted into your lips, launching in for yet another seering kiss while his thrusts became sloppy but deeper. plap-plap-plap filled the room along with your pornographic moans.

"nghh daddy, i'm- oh, g'na cum!" you cried, nails digging into his flesh.

he was panting into your neck, "'know baby, can feel your pussy milking me- fuuuuuck" you felt the rush of your orgasm as rafe's thick white ropes coated your insides. he continued to thrust into you a few more times, watching your pussy swallow all his cum before pulling out.

"such a good bunny, look at that shit.." he mumbled, dragging a finger over your wet whole, playing with and pushing his release back into you. "so wet..."

he dipped his head down, lapping up both your juices that had coated your folds. you twitched from the sensation, still recovering from his cock.

"rafeee- oh god- too sensitive.." you whined, hand laced in his hair. he lifted his head and looked at you with a grin, his moustache gleaming with wetness.

"oh bunny now that i've had you, shit, i'm never letting my little girl go."

[cherrixpie]

Hiiiii I’m so so excited for your requests being open!!! Also CONGRATS ON 300!!!!!!! so deserved.

If it’s alright, may I please req an Enzo fic or headcanon list where reader is like very day dreamy? Like very head in the clouds type of person, preferably Ravenclaw!reader? Anything else is up to you

Thank you so so much for reading my req, and happy new year!

↬ enzo x dreamy!ravenclaw!reader

( masterlist )

I imagine your first encounter being when you ran into him in the corridors one day, completely caught up in one of your vivid daydreams, when you, not for the first time (that day) run straight into someone.

You apologize profusely to the pretty slytherin boy you ran into, his cute smile only worsening your embarrassment.

Despite being in the same grade, you only know so much as a last name about him. Your friend groups have no overlap at all, you barely have any classes together and you have a hard time concentrating in those, so you had never greatly noticed a lot of things about him.

Like how cute and radiant his smile is. How good you could drown in those brown eyes of his. How gentle his hands are, even when he's picking up old schoolbooks. His dimples. His smooth voice. How kind he is, despite you staring at him for a good minute, completely lost in thought (and his eyes)

You are awkward and stutter a lot, but Enzo thinks it's cute. Though he does recommend you see Madam Pomphrey for advice in case you need glasses. At this, you explain your habit of daydreaming, feeling embarrassed, but he only comments how this must be the creative spirit of Ravenclaw

Ever since then, you can't help but notice him more often. You tend to wake out of your daydreams in class whenever Enzo says something, and you notice that he's a good student and almost always right.

You also notice a lot of other things. How he crouches down to pet every cat that crosses his path. How he seems to be Mattheo Riddle’s cooling down pill. That he tends to spill ink on his fingers from writing so fast and proceeds to clean them with a silken handkerchief.

The next time you properly meet is in Hogsmeade’s book store. The Hogwarts library doesn't have many novels and even less muggle books, so you get your supply from Hogsmeade. You run into each other in the muggle section, greeting each other shyly and you somehow find yourself recommending a book.

You thought that would be the end of it, even though your thoughts sometimes slip away to a parallel universe where you could spend more time drowning in those brown eyes. But it isn't.

Only a week later, Enzo calls out to you after class (he has to call your name several times), running up to you and thanking you for the recommendation. Since books are one of the few things you can actually concentrate on, you end up discussing the novel with him in great detail.

That evening in the library, Enzo comes to sit next to you at your usual desk. You realize you can keep your mind on school stuff much better when he's around, somehow. But over your hopeless pining, you tend to miss the flush of his cheeks and flustered expression whenever you accidentally touch hands or you talk passionately about a book.

His friends start noticing that he hangs out with that one Ravenclaw girl that always seems a thousand miles away recently, especially when he starts walking you to classes you have together instead of going with them.

They tease Enzo for falling for someone who's got their heads in the clouds all the time, for ditching them for the quiet mooncalf ravenclaw girl in their grade, but he only scoffs about their teasing remarks and smiles to himself, making them holler with glee.

It took a while for you two to actually cross your platonic boundaries, though. Mainly because his attempts and nudges went right over your oblivious head and you stocked up all signs to your amorous daydreams. Enzo couldn't possibly like you like that, right? It had to be a fickle of your imagination.

Little did you know that Enzo was growing quite desperate as time went on and you failed to pick up on any of his hints. Or did you, and ignored them because you weren't interested in him romantically?

He had one or two smaller breakdowns with his friends who kept reassuring him that he just had to man up and ask you out.

When he finally did, you spaced out for a good few seconds, making him sweat with increasing unrest. When you finally got your mind back, you agreed enthusiastically, stumbling over your words and blushing furiously. Enzo was beyond relieved.

As your boyfriend, Enzo insists on walking you to every class, even those you don't have together, because your daydreaming not only makes you knock into people, objects or walls, but your sparse concentrations on your surroundings (he is the exception) makes you prone to fall for trick steps, false doors or moving stairs.

Enzo loves to listen to you talk. When you trail off in the middle of a sentence, fall silent and stare into space for a while, he waits patiently, caressing your thigh in gentle brushes and waiting for you to return to him.

Sometimes he will ask you to tell him about his daydreams, and when you do, you compliments your creativity and kisses away your embarrassment.

It's much easier to concentrate with Enzo around since his presence alone has the effect that it draws your attention, therefore anchoring you in the present. Especially effective is his touch, though he is a little shy about that.

Enzo would frown and glare at anyone who laughs about you behind your back, even if you tell him it doesn't bother you. If people tease you badly to the point of hurting you, he will call up his friends.

Is that… Mattheo Riddle and Theodore Nott beating up the Gryffindor guy that made fun of you? No, no, darling, don't look at that, just walk with me, yeah?

Enzo calls you his dreamy girl, affectionately referring to you as “dreamy” in general.

He makes sure to write extra orderly when he takes notes in class so they can be of use to you later in case you spaced out in class. When you study together, he always makes sure you drink enough because you tend to forget taking proper care of yourself sometimes.

If the hustle and bustle of school life makes you shifty and nervous, he looks for an empty classroom for the two of you to sit and talk, or lean into each other in silence while runs his fingers through your hair.

You are nervous around his friends, but once they realized how serious Enzo was about you, they have stopped teasing him (so much). Instead, they (at least some of them) make an effort to make you feel welcome (and maybe even making up for bullying you in the past pshhh)

Enzo is absolutely enamored with you and your endearing habits, and he feels honored by your trust. While you could get lost in daydreams for hours, he could spend an eternity being lost in you.

[oofmybad]

I want someone to choose me

Synopsis: You are surprised to read an upsetting update from a university you’ve applied to. You text Billie, your best friend, giving her the news, and she comes over to cheer you up. But her visit leads to a bit of an argument since you’re feeling sensitive. The whirlwind of heightened emotions causes you both to admit things you haven’t before.

 

Warnings: angst (happy ending though), fluff, friends to lovers, billie x fem!reader, use of y/n, light arguing, crying, reference to rejection issues (?), low self worth (?), razor mentioned (only in reference to shaving), swearing. Pls lmk if I missed any!

 

Word count: 3k

 

a/n: a lil angsty one today cuz I just lived the plot (w/o the happy ending lol). Not proofread, sorry in advance !

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

You’re sat on the edge of the bed, peering out of the window while you wait to come to, having freshly woken up. It’s 1:30 in the afternoon, but you’ve recently returned from a trip, so you’re still acclimatizing to the 8-hour time difference. Despite it being the middle of the day, the sky is painted a bland grey. The skyline bleeds into the cement lining the road outside. As you turn your head to observe your surroundings, you remember that you’ve yet to unpack the olive-green hard-shell suitcase perched at the end of your bed frame. Begrudgingly, you press your palms to the mattress and peel your thighs up from the bed so that you can start on the task at hand.

 

The suitcase now lies open like a book on your dark hardwood floor, letting you pull out garment by garment whilst you vibe along to Bruno Mars’ Unorthodox Jukebox. You recently rediscovered the album, fondly recollecting your 8-year-old memories. This was the first CD you ever bought. A small chuckle escapes your lips at the memory of getting in trouble at school for singing the lyrics ‘Gorilla,’ unaware at the time of what they meant. Once the rest of the album has played, your suitcase is fully unpacked and rolled back into your hallway closet where it lives.

 

Checking your phone for any notifications, you notice that an email has come through from the USC Graduate School. Immediately, your heart sinks as you’re jumpscared with the reminder of those three applications you sent in a few months ago. You’re pretty good at forgetting the big things that should be weighing heavy on your chest. The anxiety just gets too much so your brain blocks it out. But no more ignorance, the weight of the world has dropped on your shoulders in a matter of seconds. You gingerly lower yourself back onto your bed, before your blood pressure can shoot any higher, and tuck your legs into crisscross applesauce. To your left, your two emotional support teddy bears sit looking back at you, so you tuck them into the crevice between your folded legs and cling on to them. Opening your laptop in front of you, you load Outlook and click on the email that leads you to a link titled “Decision status”. Teeth chattering and hands shaking, you click on the link and wait for the portal to buffer.  Inputting your email and password, you quickly close your eyes before you can be bombarded with something you’re not ready to see yet. “It’s probably going to be a no. Just statistically, it’s very unlikely you’ll get in. You’re going to feel hurt, but it will be ok” you tell yourself as you let out a measured breath through pursed lips. But a wave of fear courses through you anyway, “I can’t look yet. I don’t want my day to be ruined” you think. “Fuck it, there’s nothing I can do about it now.” You say, a newfound sense of gumption pumping you up as your eyes shoot back open.

 

Before you can back out, you mindlessly click on a document titled ‘Decision Letter’ in bold letters. Skimming past the useless pleasantries in the first couple of lines, your eyes trace the document, searching for the words “We regret to inform you…” As though you’ve willed them onto the page, those exact words appear before you. Immediately as your brain processes what you’ve read, you snap your eyes away from the screen towards the ceiling. “Fuck. I knew it” you say, dejected and emotionless. Unsure of what to do next, you open your messages on your phone so you can tell the only person who knows you even applied about this pathetic advancement.

 

 

You:

usc said no :(

pls don’t tell anyone

bil:

oh, my love. i’m sorry

r u on ur own?

You:

yeah

 

You can see that Billie has read your message, but she doesn’t say anything. She’s not even typing. A drawn-out huff escapes your mouth as you throw your phone away from you - it lands with a bounce on the bed. Weirdly enough, you don’t feel much other than a feeling foolish for thinking you had a chance in the first place. There goes $135 that you’ll never get back, you think. “What a waste” you mutter.

 

To prevent any other emotions from creeping in, you pull yourself up onto your feet and grab your speaker. You go to Spotify and scroll until you find your ‘gifted kid to academic burnout pipeline’ playlist. You’ve been in this position before, evidently. You trod over to the bathroom next to your bedroom and turn on the shower so it can heat up. You undress yourself from the hoodie and boxers you slept in when you realize that you had on your old department hoodie from your undergraduate degree – the disproportionately large, blown out logo taunting you. You scoff in irony at the inanimate piece of cloth now discarded on the floor and say, “fuck my life!” exacerbated. You wish you could go back to those days in college; they were your best ones. Since you graduated last July, you’ve been dealing with a feeling of mourning for your time at college.

 

Shaking away the memories, you step up and into the tub as the piping hot water falling from the showerhead engulfs your body in a searing hug. The water droplets piercing your back like needles due to the water pressure. Tracks like ‘this is me trying’, ‘Cellophane’, and ‘From the Dining Table’ are the soundtrack to your self-pity shower. After you clean and exfoliate your body, you decide to shave your legs solely so you have something else to continue occupying your mind. As you shave your second thigh, the melancholic acoustic guitar from ‘Scott Street’ clings to every water droplet sitting in the room’s atmosphere.  Without a chance to brace yourself, the overwhelming feeling of shame consumes your mind and travels down your body with each stroke of the razor. Your body tingles and your eyes burn, tears now pricking at their waterline. It’s indistinguishable to you if tears are actually falling because your entire body is covered in warm water – you assume a few must have slipped down, though. Phoebe has now reached the second verse, where she sings about ‘getting a degree’ and solemnly asks, “Do you feel ashamed?” You could’ve sworn she was talking directly to you, so you send her an infuriated response, “FUCK YOU, PHOEBE BRIDGERS!” as you heave with disappointment [a/n: pls someone get the reference].

 

You’re sure this is a good point to get out of the shower before things get worse, so you do precisely that. Once you’re dry, you brush your teeth, do your skincare routine, and moisturize your whole body – making sure to lather on an extra layer of coconut oil to your freshly shaven legs. Your tacky skin is quick to pick up the crisp, fresh air and send a chill through your body, so you put on a pair of boxers under some short sweatshorts and an apricot-colored cami top – not bothering with a bra since you’ve retired the day to bed rotting. However, this plan comes unravelled not a moment later when you hear a polite, cautious knock on your front door and keys jangling in the doorknob. You walk down the hallway to meet your guest, having realized that it must be Billie – she’s the only one with a key.

 

“Hi, pretty girl. Come here” she says in a knowing tone, opening her arms for you to be comforted. You push out your bottom lip in a pout and dip your head as you tread forward to melt into her embrace. “I’m sorry” Billie says into your neck, her arms muffling the words. “Ugggh” you mumble – some sort of half-assed response. Unhooking your arms around her waist, you lean back to notice a large, square-ish cotton tote bag filled with food sat next to her feet. “What’s that?” you ask, pointing with your eyes. “Just some stuff to cheer you up” she says. All you give her is silence and a blank stare in response. “Welllll… hopefully…? at least?” Billie tries again, making an ‘eek’ face. “Thank you for being so sweet” you say and give her a grateful smile – a happy pout pulling on your lips. “Anything and everything for you, y/n”. “Ok, shut up now…” you giggle and grab the bag to take to the kitchen “or you’re gonna make me cry again” you joke back. “You were crying?! Why didn’t you text me?!” Billie asks, following you through the house. “I had already texted you what had happened” you shrug. “Plus, it happened in the shower, so I couldn’t exactly go on my phone” you explain very matter-of-factly. “I’m here now, my love. I’m sorry you were alone when you found out. Have you heard from the other ones yet? Where else did you apply to again?” Billie sends a list of questions your way. You tackle the list one by one as you put the snacks away in their appropriate spots. “Eh, it’s ok; I live alone, so it was probably gonna happen that way. I haven’t heard from the other two schools, but I’m not holding out hope because that’s asking to get hurt again. And I applied to UCSB and UCLA, too” you say. “Girl, don’t say that shit! You’re gonna manifest bad luck” she argues with you. “Billie, be realistic…” you tilt your head and give her a ‘bffr’ face. “…Even if we ignore that I have terrible luck, it’s just not very likely I’ll get in to any schools, like, statistically.”  Billie now raises her voice saying, “Fuck statistics. And fuck outta my face with ‘I have such bad luck’!” – her left hand flailing in front of her. You can tell Billie is starting to get oddly heated over the matter, which confuses you a little, but you brush it off figuring she’s just an overly supportive friend.

 

“I do have bad luck! The things I love never choose me back!” you say as your voice breaks, betraying your ‘whatever, I don’t care’ front. You now sound incredibly husk while you attempt to get out the rest of your statement the way you’d like.  “All I’ve ever experienced is unrequited love… from every angle” pausing to angrily wipe two fiery tears before they can burn a trail on your face. Billie’s expression contorts to one of concern or maybe tenderness and she reaches out to grasp your shoulder comfortingly. But you shrug your shoulder up and back out of her reach and snap “don’t” putting a hand up between your bodies. “Hey, y/n, talk to me” she breathes out “I feel like I’m missing something”. Billie tries to coax your resistant demeanour away. You decide to follow suit, not having enough strength to resist.

 

“I’m sick of not being chosen. Everything and everyone I choose never chooses me back. It hurts to give your everything to something for nothing in return.  Every time”. You pull out your fingers one by one like you’re counting down a list as you say, “My parents don’t choose me! These fucking schools don’t choose me! I’ve only let myself fall in love once, and I’m sure as hell not their choice either!” At this point, your tears are freely cascading down your cheeks and snaking around your chin. Each tear lands on your exposed chest, just above your tank top’s low neckline. “I’m sick of it! I’m fed up now! Clearly, I’m the common denominator here but I can’t fix it because I’m stuck being me. I can’t be someone else even if I tried, and believe me, I’ve tried!” “Y/n, stop. You need to stop. You’re working yourself up now” Billie says with a firm grip on your upper arms. She lowers one of her hands to grab yours so she can press it to her heart – a gentle attempt to ground you. “Not all of your love is unrequited; it’s just your mind telling you that. People do love you… more than you could ever know. You just can’t see it right now” she says softly. You groan in frustration, “Of course you’d say that, everybody loves you… more than you’ll ever know. But I’m not you, Billie. Most people aren’t adored like you are”. “You don’t know what you’re saying, y/n. Please take that back” Billie responds, hurt evident in her voice. “No!” you exclaim “I mean it. People you haven’t even met love you, while I’m over here begging for people to love me! Everybody is in love with you”. Billie scoffs at that, “Yeah…” she looks down “Everyone is in love with me. Everyone but one” she sighs. “What the fuck is that supposed to even mean, Billie?!” you raise your voice, getting unfairly pissed off at her audacity. “Jesus Christ!” Billie drags her hands down her face, getting more and more frustrated at your obliviousness. “For fuck sake! You! Are you happy now? You! I love YOU! And all you seem to do is pay it no mind!”

 

You stand across from Billie with an absent expression on your face. Soon, though, a smile creeps up, joined by a bout of laughter. “What the fuck are you laughing at?!” Bille questions. “I’m laughing because you’ve just proven my point. Everybody does love you… I love you” you say. “What?” she asks. You reach out to softly hold Billie’s cheeks in your hands, “I love you Billie. In every way.” You can’t contain the wild grin begging to come out any longer. Billie looks taken aback, confused like a lost puppy. “More than a friend?” she questions you. “Yes dipshit, more than a friend” you say through your bitten lip, another laugh scraping past. As you continue to look at Billie, your eyes flicking back and forth. Left and right between hers, you can see the cogs beginning to turn in her head. She opens her mouth and voice hitches – like she is trying to arrange her next words in precisely the right way. “But for years you’ve said you only loved someone once, and they didn’t love you back?” she questions. “Good God! You’re hopeless!” you laugh in her face “I was talking about you, Billie. I’ve loved you for years, I thought you caught on and were ignoring it because you didn’t love me back, so I never admitted it myself” you say still anxiously biting the corner of your bottom lip.

 

“How could I NOT love you?” Billie says in a cheeky tone as she firmly puts her hands on your waist, her usual confident persona starting to return. The rings adorning her fingers are strikingly cold and pressing against the small sliver of bare skin that peeks out between the hem of your top and the waistband of your shorts. You move your eyes away from Billie and to the right, feeling flustered at her flirting, “Well… I suppose because nobody has before” you lazily shrug and pull your eyes back to meet hers. Billie laughs at this, the whole idea seeming utterly preposterous to her. “That you know of” Billie retorts and jokingly rolls her eyes. Her hands then reach up your body, holding either side of your neck as a thumb strokes the front of your throat. You swallow deeply with anticipation and continue looking into her big blue bambi eyes waiting for her next move, but she’s no longer looking into yours. She is far more focused on your lips and how you continue to nibble on your bottom one. Billie knows very well that this is a habit of yours that appears when you feel shy – so she gingerly tests the waters a little further.

 

“Can I kiss you?” she asks softly. Her eyes flicker up to yours just as your own flicker down to her lips. Both of your eyes are doing a dance now, taking turns gazing at each other’s lips. “Please” you reply at a volume that wouldn’t be audible if it weren’t for Billie’s incredibly close proximity. One side of Billie’s mouth upturns into a smile before she leans in to leave a measured yet firm kiss on your lips. A kiss that professes nothing but her complete and utter adoration for you. She pulls back a few moments later and you’re both smiling now. This time, feeling a little more confident, you lean in and kiss her soft pink, plump lips again. Initially, the kiss is just as calm as the first one, but once Billie feels your tongue swipe across her bottom lip, the air between you two shifts. She parts her lips a little, allowing your tongue to enter her mouth while her own tongue mirrors the action. Somehow, you both are now even closer to each other – inhibitions a thing of the past. Once hours have passed, only a few minutes in reality, you feel Billie’s lips morph into a wide grin. “I can’t kiss you if you keep smiling like that, doofus” you tease her. “Sorry, sorry! I just… I can’t help it” she replies as you both pull back to get a better look of each other’s faces. “I’m just happy” she continues with a shrug. You laugh at her endearing confession and say with a pout, “I’m glad. But I still just opened a rejection letter so I think I’m gonna need some more cheering up” you joke. “Come here, idiot” Billie scoffs reaching down to lock her arms around your waist and pull you flush against her own body. “Mhm” you nod, agreeing with her teasing. “But you love meeee” you reply in a sing-song voice. “Hell yeah, I do. You’re my baby” Billie responds sincerely as she envelopes you deeper into her hold, one hand cradling your back, and kissing you like she is trying to make up for all the years she didn’t.

[harmonicakai]

Like Real People Do

Pairing: Gyuvin x Reader

Summary: You find yourself falling for the cute boy whose writing assignments you proofread, and discover that your lives have been intertwined for longer than you thought.

Tropes: tutor!reader, basketball player!gyuvin, writers, soulmates, college AU, fluff

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: literally none it’s so cute

A/N: This is a formal apology for my Beomgyu angst <3

“And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?” —Invisible String, Taylor Swift

Gyuvin certainly doesn’t need any help with English, but it gives him a good excuse to spend time in between classes and basketball practice staring at you.

If anything, your talents would be better suited to helping one of his classmates understand all the old poems or crazy novels that they get assigned, but he’s the one who lucked out when your former professor suggested you read her most promising student’s work.

From the first draft, you were hooked, and had somehow started a writer’s circle where just the two of you meet weekly to share your works in progress. 

In no time, you’ve helped Gyuvin become one of the top students in Writing 101, and he’s worried you’ll notice that he’d be just fine if you stopped helping him. Still, the A’s keep rolling in and you keep meeting up with him anyway.

When Gyuvin’s latest short story gets nominated for a departmental prize, you’re over the moon for him.

“You are so amazing,” you smile up at him. “We should celebrate! That’s a really big deal. I was nominated last year, but didn’t come close to winning.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he points out, looking down at the ground and rubbing the back of his neck. “Really, Y/N. If I win, it would be just as much your prize as it would be mine.”

“Don’t be silly,” you say, packing up the rest of your lunch. You usually only see him in the library at your designated meeting time, but today, he sought you out in the courtyard to make sure you were the first person he told. “I’m just the editor. All of the ideas came from you. Plus, I’m only good at English because I grew up speaking it. It’s much more impressive for you to have learned it recently and write at the level that you do.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Y/N,” he replies, helping you up off your picnic blanket. Before you can do it yourself, he’s already reaching down to fold it, his long arms handling the fabric with ease. “You’d write circles around me any day.”

“I don’t want to get into another compliment war,” you giggle, swinging your backpack over your shoulder. Recently, it’s been filled with way too many books, and your classes are so jam-packed that you never have time to run back to your room in between them.

“Here, Y/N, let me,” he says, taking your backpack from you. He’s already got his own on, but he wears yours over his front, barely even flinching at the extra weight. “Where are you headed next? I’m done with my classes for the day, so I can walk you.”

He’s always been desperate to ask you to hang out outside of your brainstorming sessions, but every time he thinks he’s worked up the courage, you’ll laugh or smile or even just glance at him and his brain short circuits.

“I have a music class across campus in thirty minutes,” you reply. “Don’t you live the other way, though? You really don’t have to walk me. It’s pretty far.”

“I want to,” Gyuvin reassures you. He offers his hand. “Here. I walk pretty fast, so let’s make sure I don’t leave you behind.”

You hesitate for a moment before taking it. You’ve had a crush on Gyuvin ever since the two of you first crossed paths—he’s the literal embodiment of sunshine trapped inside a cute boy—but things have only ever been friendly between the two of you.

His hand is big, wrapping itself around yours almost entirely. The walk is silent, although you swear you can hear your heart about to beat out of your chest as you pull him along your usual route. Gyuvin makes sure to always let you lead.

“You know,” you start, still not looking back at him. “We’re kind of like Orpheus and Eurydice right now.”

Gyuvin lights up at the reference, with mythology being one of the first things you two really bonded over. “If you looked back at me, the only thing I’d probably die of is how cute you are, Y/N.”

You’re glad you’re turned away so he can’t see the bright blush that’s spread across your cheeks. His words get you so flustered that you don’t even notice you’ve stopped walking.

“Did I say something wrong?” Gyuvin asks, his voice laced with concern. He moves to face you, your height difference causing him to crane his neck down. Meanwhile, your gaze is locked on your shoes.

“Gyuvin,” you say, still refusing to meet his eye. You pull him over to a nearby bench. “Remember when I said I liked the love story you wrote the other day?”

“Yeah, I remember,” he confirms. “You complimented me on how realistic it was and I told you it was only because I based it off of real life.”

“Was it…” your words catch in your throat, unable to face the embarrassment of if you’re wrong. “Was it about us?”

“Yes,” he admits almost immediately. You finally turn to face him, greeted by a nervous look. “Listen, Y/N. I only wrote it because I knew you’d read it, and I thought maybe if you saw how good characters that were a lot like us could be together, you’d give me a chance in real life. But you didn’t really notice, or maybe you just wanted to ignore it, so I kind of abandoned all hope of us ever being together.”

You blink back at him. How could you be so oblivious? Your entire major was based on analyzing words, and you couldn’t even see that he wanted to be with you so badly that he had to write it into existence.

Words always come easy to you, except at this very moment.

“You abandoned all hope?” is all you can manage to get out. You try to pull your hand away, but he only grips it tighter.

“I tried,” Gyuvin says, his voice soft. “But you’re all I ever think about. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be capable of writing someone who even comes close to how wonderful I think you are, Y/N. There just aren’t words to describe all the ways in which you’re special to me.”

You laugh, his words making tears well up in your eyes. “You know, I used to go to basketball games a lot before we even met, just so I wouldn’t have to feel so lonely all the time. And I remember liking your smile and the way you always encouraged your teammates. I would go home and wish I had someone like you in my life.”

“You’re kidding,” he says, taking out his wallet. You knit your brows in confusion, watching as he pulls out a small piece of paper and unfolds it. “Here.”

He hands it to you and your eyes widen at the words printed out. It’s the poem that you had published in the school’s literary magazine last spring about wanting to romanticize your life. Talking about your feelings makes you anxious, but nobody reads those publications. Except for Gyuvin, apparently.

“I liked you before we even met, too,” Gyuvin confesses. “Your poem is actually the reason I got into writing in the first place. I used to read it before all of my games, but I know all the words by heart now, so I just keep it in my wallet for good luck.”

This all feels too good to be true, but his touch keeps you grounded in reality.

“Maybe I should start coming to basketball games again, then,” you think out loud. “I stopped going because I felt awkward not knowing anybody.”

“Well, now you’d know me, and I’ll make sure the whole team gets to know you, too, okay?” The way he smiles at you, his eyes so full of light, takes your breath away.

“Really?” you ask, looking at him in disbelief. The thought of meeting so many new people at the same time scares you, but if Gyuvin likes them, you’re sure you will too.

“On one condition,” he says, closing the gap between the two of you. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his hand settling on your cheek. “I get to introduce you as my girlfriend.”

“Deal,” you grin, inching closer until your lips are pressed against his. You’re nervous that he’ll somehow figure out that you’ve only ever read about kissing in books, but the way he melts into you tells you that he doesn’t mind.

“You’re going to be late for class,” Gyuvin reminds you, pulling away. He desperately wants to keep going, but not at the expense of your grades.

“Class can wait,” you say, leaning in for another kiss. Your fingers lace themselves through his soft, messy hair. “I said we’d celebrate your nomination, so let’s celebrate.”

[amyispxnk]

I'd run away and hide with you

Summary - Ellie joins you and Joel on your trek to Jackson. Along the way, your mind gets the better of you, and when you reach Jackson it all comes crashing down.

A/N: i don't have any excuses for why this took so long and im so so sorry guys 😭 2024 was hectic and ive only recently been able to catch up on stuff pls forgive mee

Pairing: platonic/father figure!Joel Miller x f!reader (could probably be read as GN tho?)

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, violence, guns, language, PTSD, abuse mentions, panic attack/mental breakdown

Previous Chapter || Series Masterlist

DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

You’re getting bad again; that much is visible to him now. But he doesn’t even know what’s wrong this time.

You never open up to him anymore. At the start, you’d tell him everything that was going on in that little head of yours. You’d let him hold you while you cried. You’d always talk to him.

Now you don’t talk and you practically smack yourself in the face whenever you cry, willing the tears away as you bite down on your lip.

It’s been a few months since you left Boston to visit the guys at Lincoln. It was a good trip. After that hiccup at the start, you had pretty much forgotten about your dad; he couldn’t even get to you in your sleep. You spent a lot of time hanging out with Frank whilst Bill and Joel ‘talked business’, and it was pretty fun seeing the little home they had built for themselves in the town - Frank even let you pocket some strawberries, and it was your first time trying them. Safe to say they were fucking amazing, and you told Joel all about it that night. He'd pretend to be annoyed at your incessant rambling but he liked to see you happy, distracted, somewhat.

When you came back, Marlene was bugging Joel about some new smuggling job in exchange for the car battery he’d been searching for and before you knew it, you were back on the road again to bring this kid - Ellie - to the fireflies.

She was a bright, bubbly kid. Constantly talking and telling you and Joel jokes from that damn pun book of hers.

Joel didn’t warm up to her nearly as quickly as you did, and you obviously knew why. You’d been staying with him for almost half a year now, and had gone through a lot of shit with him, so he’d told you about his past. About Sarah.

So you had a hunch that that was why he didn’t open up to Ellie easily. That was why he’d always just grunt at her whenever she asked a question, why he’d practically toss her food at her when she had to eat, why he would barely even acknowledge her.

You could always tell he never meant it though. He didn’t really hate her. He cared about her - that’s just how he was - and it scared him. He was a protector, a fighter, and, most importantly, a father. He basically took you under his wing and gave you all the paternal love you ached for before, and now he had Ellie to look out for too.

But as time went on, you started noticing things. He started laughing at her jokes, or engaging in conversations with her, even telling her about before. You then realised how much it actually pissed you off.

Seeing them getting along made you incredibly jealous. Joel was your protector, your carer, your da..

You shake your head. It still felt weird when you accidentally found yourself thinking of him like that, giving him that name in your head.

It had been a few months since you all left Boston, for good you hoped, you hated that place and all the unfortunate memories you left there, but now you were in the cold and unforgiving state of Wyoming.

Right now you were all huddled around a fire in a little alcove. Joel had some whiskey which he sipped on.. As he talked to Ellie. Fucking Ellie, who was joking around with him, asking him stupid questions about some sheep farm on the moon.

You weren’t paying attention, you didn’t care. You instead chose to stew in your own thoughts which were drifting back to before any of this. You stared into the fire as you remembered the times you were the one making Joel smile, the one he’d hold and comfort, the one he’d talk with at the end of a long day.

He didn’t do all of that with Ellie, but he didn’t do any of it with you anymore, either.

Suddenly, your thoughts go even further back, remembering your father. Remembering the constant screaming which definitely damaged your eardrums by the time you’d left, the incessant beatings you received - at least that taught you first-aid, right? - and the many, many nights spent crying yourself to sleep. You didn’t get to cry in front of your father, knowing he’d only hit you harder for being weak and useless, so you just waited until you were curled up on the little mattress on the floor, your dad already asleep from the alcohol.

You only come back to the present moment when you taste the metal of blood in your mouth. You didn’t remember biting down on your lip but apparently you had been so hard that it made you wince slightly when you pressed your fingers to it.

Joel didn’t notice. He was still talking with Ellie, his eyes soft as he looked at her over the flames.

Jealousy makes tears sting at your eyes. You’d thought finally, finally, you found someone who would actually care about you.

Now you watch bitterly as Ellie makes him laugh more than you’d done in a while, wondering what you did wrong.

-

You were clutching your handgun tight, not feeling safe out in the open like this despite not having encountered any dangers for a good week now. It felt like things were too safe, and you didn’t like it.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Ellie blowing air through her lips, and it actually kind of annoyed you, because what was she even doing?

Joel asked that question for you.

“What are you doing..?” He sighs heavily, glancing at her, to which she just smirks.

“I’m learning to whistle.” She replies simply.

“You don’t know how to whistle?”

“Does it look like I know how to whistle?” She huffs.

They go back and forth for a little longer, with Joel ending up defeated as Ellie continues her air-blowing, and you find your heart splintering at the sight of them bickering only like father and daughter would. It might not seem like much, but you’ve definitely noticed how Joel’s gotten closer with Ellie over the past few months. It’s upsetting, seeing his natural paternal instincts coming out with her too now.

The three of you make your way past a big dam and arrive at a river, at which point Ellie unhelpfully chirps up.

“Hey, guys, what if this is the river of death?” She jokes, not realising how poor her timing was, for you hear the heavy thuds of horse hooves almost as soon as she finishes her sentence.

“Hands up. Don’t make any sudden movements, or we shoot.” A gruff voice barks out. You know better than to go against what they’ve said, so you turn slowly with your arms raised, and wait for Joel to do any negotiating.

“We ain't lookin’ for any trouble, we’re just passin’ through.” Joel says, keeping his voice strong and unwavering.

“Drop the gun.” The man spits, and Joel slowly does as he says, his eyes wide with panic and betraying the collected and brave persona he attempts to put on when he realises that this might be it.

Ellie looks equally terrified, and you can’t blame her, especially when the man addresses her directly, telling her to step back and away from you.

“How ‘bout we just talk this through-” Joel starts.

“How about you shut the fuck up?” The man’s gun is now raised, and Joel knows better than to argue now, nodding.

The man asks about if any of you are infected, and you feel the dread setting into your bones. Joel tries to diffuse the situation and ease the man’s (unfortunately correct) suspicions, but it’s no use, as he whistles for the sniffer dog.

He offers you a bullet instead, the easy way out, and you all remain silent, panicking further as the dog sniffs you, then Joel, then makes its way to Ellie.

You don’t know where to look, you can see Joel starting to hyperventilate, you can see Ellie’s eyes shining with a terror you’ve never seen her showing before, and you just decide to not look anywhere. You squeeze your eyes shut before-

She’s giggling. Your brows furrow, eyes opening to see Ellie playing with the dog, her face getting licked, and she looks over at the two of you, giving you a sort of ‘how the fuck am I alive’ look, before petting the dog and smiling.

“You just bought yourself 10 more seconds. What’s your business here?” The man shouts, and Joel tells him that he’s looking for his brother, trying to keep things brief.

A lady rides forward, asking Joel for his name. He gives it, and she’s silent, looking around at the three of you and trying to piece things together, before telling you to come with her.

-

Maybe something’s wrong with me, you think, picking at your nails absentmindedly as you trail behind the group - Maria, Joel, Ellie, and Tommy on their little tour of Jackson.

No, something’s definitely wrong with me. Because why else would you be so jealous of them? Of Joel finally finding his brother - another person to drive him away from you - and finally growing closer to Ellie.

Not to mention the way you just fucking clam up any time he asks about it.

Not to mention the way you just let it all build up, suffering in silence, waiting and waiting for the inevitable moment where you break.

You all end up in the dining hall afterwards and, while you’re pissed about everything else, you can’t deny some good food. You almost moan at the taste of proper, seasoned meat after all these months, wolfing it down in similar speed to Ellie and Joel.

“There’s more if you need it.” Maria adds after a few moments of watching you all, no judgement in her tone despite your rough actions.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Joel says, looking up briefly before continuing to eat. “Been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.”

“Actually I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal,” Ellie chimes in, making you clench your jaw. God, even her voice pisses you off. Nobody asked her to talk. “This is amazing.” She mumbles, food in her mouth.

Joel glances at her for a second.

“Sorry.” He tells Tommy and Maria. “Ellie, let’s mind our manners.”

She doesn’t reply, looking up instead to see a girl watching her behind a pillar.

“What!” She barks, making the girl run away and making you scoff. She glances at you, frowning, before continuing to eat.

You knew she didn’t hate you - you were a good pretender most of the time. Laughing at her jokes, smiling tightly during conversations.. But lately you’d slipped a bit, and she was starting to notice.

“What’s wrong with you?” Joel mutters.

“What about her manners?” Ellie spits, always so defensive.

“She was just curious.” Maria soothes, “Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.”

“Right,” she says, nodding her head slowly, “well maybe I’ll teach them.”

It takes everything in you to not scream. She was annoying you so much. And she was getting all the attention because of her boisterous behaviour. You were sitting there, quietly, calmly, and no one batted an eye at you.

“And I want my gun back.” Ellie argues.

“They also aren’t armed.”

Tommy jumps in, sensing the tension growing even more.

“You know what, uh, I think y’all got off on the wrong foot.” He starts, but the two keep bickering.

Eventually, Tommy reveals that Maria is his wife, and after an eager congrats! from Ellie, and the most forced one possible from Joel, the meal ends.

-

Tommy quickly shows the three of you around the rest of Jackson - Maria chose to stay behind - before leaving you and Ellie in your temporary house, going to have a chat with Joel.

“Soooo.. That was awkward, huh?” She chuckles, trying to joke with you like you used to at the start of all this.

You nod, anger still bubbling up inside of you. You didn’t want to be angry at her, or Joel, even, and you knew if you talked with her for too long you’d just end up yelling at her, so you tried your hardest to keep calm.

She chews on her lip, nodding slowly before starting to ramble about how crazy this town is and how Joel is totally pissed at Tommy.

You keep nodding along, wondering how on Earth she manages to keep going on and on for way too long.

Eventually, she bids you goodbye, going to explore the town.

You wouldn’t want to hang out with yourself either, you think as she closes the door.

-

Joel came back home in the evening, pissed off. You tried saying hi to him, having decided you were done being annoyed at him, but he completely brushed you off before storming upstairs.

Maybe you weren’t making it up. Maybe he did just.. Start hating you.

Ellie’s been in her claimed room for an hour, and the house is quiet until about 10pm. You’re still on the couch, curled up, lost in your thoughts. About Joel, about Ellie, wondering about yourself, too. You were thinking about how nice this town is, how you didn’t want to leave tomorrow at all, but figured you’d definitely have to. You’d have to return to the wasteland outside these walls, and you’d probably never make it back to Jackson.

You’d had too many close calls already. God, or whatever was out there, had probably spared you enough.

Your thoughts spiralled and spiralled until it happened.

Everything came out.

It started with tears, silent as they streamed down your face, before the anger released itself, making you dig your nails into your skin in some final attempt at self-control, before you were storming upstairs.

You throw the door open to Joel’s room, and he blinks at you, having been in bed, probably trying to sleep while you soaked in your misery downstairs.

He’s such a fucking asshole, is all you can think.

“I’m not coming with you tomorrow.” You mutter, surprised you aren’t yelling already.

His brows furrow and he stands up, trying to approach you.

“What’re you talkin’ about?” He says, voice stern and rough.

“You clearly don’t want me around anyway! I’d just be making your life even harder if I came with you. I’ll.. I’ll just go my own way.” You huff, voice quivering towards the end when you realised you’d have to trek this world alone now.

He repeats his previous question and you bury your face in your hands, nails tightening against your fists as you try not to start screaming at him.

“When was the last time we had a proper conversation? Or you asked me how I was doing? Or you hugged me, or anything?! You couldn’t even be bothered to say hi to me earlier, and last night you and Ellie were being buddy-buddy by the fire while I was literally on the verge of tears. You clearly don’t care about me anymore. It’s just her.” You’re shouting now, rage consuming you as you get closer to him, shoving him backwards.

He grabs your arms roughly and you visibly flinch, eyes widening under your furrowed brows as you peer up at him. His face is blurry underneath your tears, and your mind short-circuits.

Your dad is back? Your mind tells you yes. Yes, and you’ve pissed him off now, he’s grabbing you because he’s about to throw you on the floor. You’re always doing something wrong - you should’ve known better than to argue. Only insolent, disgraceful children open their mouths in retaliation. You should respect your father. Now you have to apologise and pray he accepts it.

Immediately you’re cowering. He can’t even get a word out before you start apologising, body trembling as he loosens his grip on you.

“Please, sir, I- I’m so sorry- I didn’t- I didn’t mean to- to yell. I’m sorry, I’ll leave, just please d-don’t- please don’t h-urt me-” you choke out, voice raw.

His expression softens, brows knitted in concern now rather than frustration.

“Baby, come here-” he tries to say, but you’re shaking your head, inching further backward until you press against the wall, whimpering when you realise you’re trapped.

Now he’s going to hurt you. Your apologies mean nothing when he gets this mad.

Joel had only grabbed you. It was nothing like the abuse you used to face and yet it was still enough to make you completely crumble.

You sink to the floor, sobbing, still apologising. Ellie’s awake by now, her eyes wide as she listens to what she can make out. What the fuck did he do to you? She’s about to get up, to go and protect you. She doesn’t care if you’d been giving her the cold shoulder for the past few weeks, she doesn’t care if Joel seemed to be giving her the opposite at last. If you’re in trouble and it’s because of him she didn’t fucking care about anything else.

But then she pauses, just outside the door, hearing him cooing at you.

“Calm down honey. It’s okay, it’s me, Joel. Look at me, please.” He murmurs, crouched down in front of you but still giving you some space.

You had your arms raised in front of your face, legs tucked inward, trying to protect yourself from any potential blows, mind still loud and thoughts jumbled, but his voice suddenly helped to clear some of the fog.

You peered at him through the space between your arms and blinked the tears away as best you could.

“..Joel?” You croak after a moment, and he nods, a small smile blossoming on his lips.

“‘S me, sweet girl. Come here.” He opens his arms for you, and you shift closer, still timid and not making that final step.

He sighs softly, not disappointed or annoyed, just sad that your trauma managed to put you in this state.

“It’s just me, okay? It’s Joel, not.. not him. Look at my face, baby.” He whispers, and you do. Your dad wouldn’t call you baby or speak softly with you. Surely this man in front of you wasn’t him.

When you finally recognise him, you feel the tears blooming again, a small whimper escaping your throat before you’re crawling into his lap, clutching him tight. Still apologising, as always.

“Shh, it’s okay. What’s goin’ on, hm?” He says, voice gentle as ever as he holds you. He doesn’t squeeze you tight, or move in any way, he just lets you cling to him. He doesn’t want to suffocate you, knowing you probably already feel like you're drowning, barely tethered to him for support.

“Y-you don’t like me anymore.” You hiccup, and he shakes his head.

“No, sweetheart. Of course I like you. You’re my.. You’re my girl, yeah? Could never hate you.” He murmurs, brows furrowing. Why did you even think that?

“B-but you get on with Ellie way better now, and- and you don’t even talk to me anymore.”

He sighs softly. Ellie was.. A chatty kid. If she didn’t start all those conversations with him, he doubts he would’ve engaged with her nearly half as much as he did. He had grown to enjoy her ramblings, of course, but he was too stressed, anxious all the time on the road, to ever actually start the chats with her or you. He realises now how that would’ve looked to you, understands the emotional breakdown you’d just had, understands why you’d been so quiet recently.

You thought he didn’t want you anymore.

He gently pulls your head back, tilting it up so you could meet his eyes. His thumb catches a tear before it can fall and he starts explaining.

“Babygirl, I wasn’t not talkin’ to ya as much cuz I didn’t like ya. I was just stressed.. Too focused on gettin’ us across the country in one piece to worry about conversations. Ellie’s.. a bit of a chatterbox so of course I had to be respondin’ with her, but..” he trails off, guilt consuming him more and more as he tries to reason with himself. Yes he was nervous but that’s no excuse for the state his negligence has landed you in.

“Fuck, there ain’t no excuse, really. I just.. Please, please believe me right now. I’m tellin’ ya, I don’t hate you and I never ever could, okay?” He pleads, eyes searching yours for any sort of understanding or forgiveness.

He definitely doesn’t see hatred there like he’d seen when you first stormed up here, no, he just sees confusion, worry.

“You really don’t hate me? Even- even after I gave you so much attitude and I was shouting at you? Surely I deserve.. You shouldn’t be being nice to me…” You whisper, brows furrowing, confused at the fact someone was apologising to you. Normally you were the one apologising. He’d been the only person to ever show you compassion and understanding, and you thought, surely you’ve fucked it all up now.

He sighs again, shaking his head. “I could never ever hate you, honey. Never. No matter what you do or say to me, I can promise you hatred would never even cross my mind.”

You whimper again, nodding. “Okay.” Is all you can get past your lips, your body shaking with sobs again as he finally allows himself to hug you properly, rocking you back and forth and stroking your hair.

He isn’t surprised when you fall asleep like this, curled up in his arms. You’ve exhausted yourself in every way tonight, and you deserve a good, long rest.

He grunts softly as he stands up, still keeping you clutched in his arms as he makes his way to the bed and sets you down. He’ll take the couch, he figures. His back is fucked already.

But then you stir a little, blinking up at him as he watches you.

“Joel?”

“Hmm?”

“Can.. can you please stay tonight? I just.. I’m…” You can’t get the words out, but he understands. He knows what you need.

He gets in beside you, kissing your forehead after you cuddle up to him and drift off slowly, blanketed by his comforting presence, your mind a little less stormy with his reassurances now there instead.

Sleep evades him for much longer, though, distant memories of Sarah swirling within his mind. He wonders what she’d think of him, of you, of the way he’s taken you in like this. Would she be proud? Would she be angry? Would she feel like he’s replaced her?

He shakes his head, knowing that those thoughts would just cause him to distance himself from you again.

He finally manages to fall asleep at 2am, dreaming of Christmas trees and a little girl with curly hair.

Tysm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

Tags - @tbeep @rosierogie @jjlevin @axshadows @pedropascalsbbg @pedroshotwifey @pedrosfanny @s0meoone

[petermorwood]

Recently I got roped (ha) into an Age of Sail roleplay, and decided I wanted to play the ship's cook. I then realized I don't know too much about provisioning a ship in the Age of Sail! I figured you'd be the sort of fellow to know where I could find resources on that kind of information though?

Well, for a start I recommend sending a similar Ask to @ltwilliammowett (Beat To Quarters) who knows far more about The Age of Sail / Wooden Ships & Iron Men subject than I do.

*****

In the meanwhile here are a couple of books, both of which you may well be able to get through your library, or buy pretty cheaply for your research library. They're also an entertaining read.

The first was recommended to me by Terry Pratchett - "'If you haven't read it, you should!" - when we were at a con together and he was researching "Nation".

It's "Feeding Nelson's Navy" by Janet MacDonald, available here as an ebook and from Amazon as a Kindle Unlimited free read.

The second is "Lobscouse & Spotted Dog" by Anne Chotzinoff Grossman & Lisa Grossman Thomas.

Funny how both books use the same period image - "Shipmates Carousing Below Decks" by William Pyne - as cover art.

"Lobscouse" deals with the same period as "Navy", while also being the author-approved official cookbook of Patrick O'Brian's "Aubrey / Maturin" novels.

Here's a Reddit about making dishes from it, and here's a blog page about making Spotted Dog and why Suet Makes a Difference.

I've already posted about the role correct cooking fats play in making traditional dishes "taste right", and since Atora brand makes both carnivore and vegetarian suets, it's worth tracking down.

Here's a blog page which summarises the Age of Sail diet - think of it as an exam crib to tide you over until you get the books and learn more.

*****

Here's Max Miller of "Tasting History" making lobscouse:

And here are Dylan Hollis and Max making that ubiquitous on-board delicacy and culinary ingredient, ship's biscuit (hardtack / hard-tack / hard tack).

Something very similar was still issued as a ration item at the beginning of the 20th century and into World War One. J.R.R. Tolkien would certainly have encountered Biscuits, Ration, H&P, Army No.4...

...and may well have used them as a basis for the waybread "cram" as mentioned in "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings". This description has the ring (hah!) of familiarity about it.

"If you want to know what cram is, I can only say that I don’t know the recipe; but it is biscuitish, keeps good indefinitely, is supposed to be sustaining, and is certainly not entertaining, being in fact very uninteresting except as a chewing exercise." "The Hobbit" ch.13, "Not at Home"

No.4 biscuits were so hard that soldiers could use them as substitutes for wood...

...and Nelson's sailors probably did the same with theirs.

*****

Terry Pratchett took this wooden quality and - with the dial turned up to eleven - transformed it into the rocky quality of Dwarf bread.

Here's a health nut's real-life version of a healthy nut loaf...

...while this is an example of sedimentary conglomerate rock.

With a bit of judicious cropping, the captions could be swapped and a casual glance would never notice.

Of course this post wouldn't be complete without a certain GIF.

So...

*****

To finish, a few links to more video.

One (12 years ago).

Two - 1 year, including some of the ship's biscuit made in that first one (!)

Three - also 1 year, featuring other dishes - pease pudding ("dog's body"), lobscouse and plum duff. Oh, and ship's biscuit ...

Those are from Townsends, another great source for 18th century food and cooking.

This last example is by Dan Snow, in an extract from a longer History Hits documentary, and is a short general overview of period Navy rations - and of course, ship's biscuit... :->

HTH !

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I actually like Malleus quite a bit but to be fair his fans (not all of course but some of them) makes it hard to like him sometimes because it feels like they are forcing you to like him.

The thing with Malleus is it's either players that love him to a scary degree and players who hate him to also a scary degree which makes him an overwhelming character for me like I would have liked him more if I wasn't in the fandom.

He is treated way differently by the fandom (mainly the En) then other characters.

Like for example I see the players who dislike Leona publicly rarely get harassed unlike the ones who dislike Malleus.

Aaaaah 💦 For better or for worse, Malleus is a character that gets “special” treatment, both in-universe (OP, crown prince, etc.) and in the fandom. I don’t think you’d be the first to notice that.

I’ve heard way too many horror stories about run-ins with Malleus fans from my friends (though like Anon said, not ALL Malleus fans are like this, just a loud minority of them). I’ve also had my own unpleasant experience being anonymously harassed for over a year just for expressing the reasons why I don’t like him. All you need say is “I don’t like him”, and it tends to summon a few very strongly opinionated fans to defend him, to argue with you, or to insult your intelligence. They are also quick to defend any potentially morally grey action he takes, often dismissing it by redirecting blame or pointing to a sad aspect of his backstory to excuse him. It feels there’s a social pressure to like him or to protect him, even if it’s not always overtly stated.

I’m not exactly sure why this is seemingly a recurring issue when it comes to him specifically, though I’ve certainly speculated on the matter. I don’t think they realize that them acting this way only exacerbates things. People are not going to consider liking Malleus (or, if they do like him, they may feel ashamed of it) because of these extreme fans.

Then there’s the other side, the Malleus haters. I’m not sure what started this collective, but it feels like they may have formed as a countermeasure or in response to the intense Malleus lovers?? But this other extreme isn’t a great alternative. The language they use can also be needlessly hostile towards him, and there are some who seem to attribute every bad thing that happens to Malleus even when he genuinely had no hand in it. It can get very uncomfortable to read some of the vile things said over a fictional character.

And then I think the Malleus haters end up making the Malleus lovers feel like they/their boy is being attacked… so they retaliate… and it perpetuates a vicious back-and-forth. You end up being caught in-between the two and getting stressed out over it. One notable example is the debate on who is "responsible" for the dreams. It can’t be easy being caught in those crossfires 😔

Malleus has become a pretty popular character in JP recently (like, the latter half of book 7), but not to the same heights as what we see in EN (he’s not consistently placing #1 like he is in EN, more like 7ish in JP now?). However, I haven’t seen anything nasty from the Malleus fans over there. That’s probably because JP fandom is much stricter with fandom etiquette and don’t exert their own opinions on fans who disagree with them; they see something they don’t like? They just ignore it or block and move on. I really with EN fans could take a page out of JP fans’ books; the fandom would be a lot more peaceful that way.

I’m sure there are fans that take these extremes for every character (I have encountered something in this vein for Twst characters from every other dorm). They’re just less frequently seen because there are fewer fans of them compared to the sheer number of fans for Malleus.

I really sympathize with you 💦💦 It feels stressful to say you don’t like Malleus, and it also feels stressful to say you do like Malleus. There’s always that fear of Malleus lovers coming for the former, and Malleus haters coming for the latter. No happy medium…

[mayuichi]

Spending your birthday with them.

Include:

Genshin Impact [ Alhaitham, Wriothesley, Heizou ]

Honkai: Star Rail [ Aventurine & Veritas Ratio ]

Persona 5 [ Akechi Goro ]

Moriarty the Patriot [ William James Moriarty & Fred Porlock ]

Content Warning: fem!reader, I'm sorry for men that may read this! If you easily switch pronouns in your mind then go ahead, but there's mention of the reader wearing a dress at some point! (kind of irrevelant though, so I think you can imagine something else then?), pet names and.. that's all i think-. it's just a fluff so...

may's note: im so sorry i took so long to come back!! ive got a lot on my plate recently, i had planned another oneshot to come out but but BUUT!! My best friend's birthday is right around the corner when I write this (aha just a day before.. hi..) so im writing this for her, with her favourites and some that i know she loves <3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! I HOPE YOULL HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AND THAT YOU GOT THAT PLUSH YOU WANTED TO GO WITH AVENTURINE!! ive kinda rushed this to come out ngl, because its been a month im like "i have the time" until i didnt have time anymore.. sorry if it sucks :(

This artwork has been made by susucre! Do not steal/use it! every other used for the headers are official arts!

Even if he doesn't want to, he has duties now. Or at least, unexpected duties. But you can be sure Alhaitham always makes some time for you. How can he not? You're his sweetheart. Well, he isn't one to give sweet names but he still thinks so.

However, how could've you expect him to forget about your birthday? It's once a year, and he doesn't really care much about them usually. But we're talking about you. Of course he can't forget about it. He wants you happy, and he knows you'd hate if he doesn't at least wish you a happy birthday.

But what was your surprise when you find him still in bed, beside you, his right arm drapped over you as he reads from the other. Isn't he supposed to be at work, at the Akademiya? You don't even have the time to inquire, he saw your eyes fluttering open.

“Good morning.„ he briefly looks over you, before focusing back onto his book. But he strokes your side with his hand gently. He isn't much of a talker, but his small gestures are everything, aren't they?

He rapidly finishes his page, and places the book down to turn to you. “I'll let you take a shower and I'll prepare you breakfast.„ you can't even reply that he's already out of bed and heading to the kitchen. You'll just have to go shower.

It's your special day. Of course you'll wear a pretty dress, you want to feel extra pretty for today. When done, you head to the living room, finding him waiting for you to eat. It isn't a feast, but more than enough for the both of you. The silence is comfortable, only your breathing.

“Where are you going?„ he inquires when he sees you about to open the front door. You thought you'd go on a walk. “I haven't overworked myself for a week so I could have a full day off for you to ditch me, you know?„

It wasn't much, maybe even a bit offensive for some. But the idea that he paid attention enough to be certain to have a complete day off for you is enough to make you smile. And so, you chuckle and walk towards him.

“The weather is nice. It's sunny. We should go out together, don't you think?„ you tilt your head, waiting for his approval.. or for a compromise.

“It is. It's the perfect weather to do nothing at all. Or to read next to a window.„ without further notice, he stands and pulls you with him to the nearby window. Making you sit in his lap, he pulls out a book and rests his chin on top of your head.

“Maybe it isn't the best birthday you'll ever have, but I hope my company is enough.„ he isn't necessarily insecure, far from it even. But it's your special day. He just wants to make you happy, doesn't he?

And even if he says so, just reading in his lap with him, is enough. Spending time with him makes it nicer. Leaning further into his chest, you sigh and start to read with him. He's careful to wait for you, to ensure you finished before he actually turns the page.

He'll take breaks from time to time to make you both a drink, or to let you talk a bit. It isn't partying, but being able to spend the day together, reading and talking, without him possibly thinking about his duties is a luxury he doesn't always allow himself.

And he's more than glad for it to be with you.

∞ ₒ ˚ ° 𐐒˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ⋆·˚ ༘ *︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚༊*·˚

Until now, Wriothesley was used to stay in the Fortress most of his time. It never bothered him. Sigewinne keeps him company, and his prisoners aren't too bad most of the time. Even Neuvillette or Clorinde comes visit him from time to time.

But it changed when he met you. He didn't want you to be that often in the Fortress, and yet he couldn't help but want you. You don't know it, but he even asked Neuvillette for your birthday. It has never been that much of a talk in between you. You were both kind of over it after all. You aren't toddlers for who it is extremely important to get one year older.

But he wants your first birthday with him to be special, to be something you'd remember. He wants to make this day amazing. And for that, he had to have permissions and ensure the paperwork was done before that day. He had to be prepared for any possibility, to be called in for an emergency if someone tried to escape, or if they get overwhelmed and for your day to be ruined.

But he was willing to take that risk.

On your occasional weekly visit, you both talk and drink tea together, as any other time. You're not sure when, yet now, he has you in his arms, holding you close. It is as if he believed you were leaving. He's quick to compose himself and just steals a kiss from you, to hide his worries behind that smirk he always has when he surprises you.

“By the way, I've heard your birthday is soon, isn't it?„ you raise an eyebrow. You haven't told him, yet he knows. “Would you like us to spend the day together?„

You were so sure he meant inside the Fortress of Meropide, that when he mentioned that it wouldn't be there, but in the city, your eyes widened. Of course, you firstly worried about his work. It isn't like he's just a guard who could take a day off or a sick day. He has a prison to keep in place.

But he assured you it'd be alright. And so you trust him. There's no reason for you not to.

Your birthday was soon to come, and you waited for him in front of the Fortress' entrance. Dressed in a pretty outfit, that you kept on for this occasion, you obviously felt amazing. And upon seeing you, Wriothesley grinned. “Someone made herself extra beautiful for today.„

His tone flirty, he wraps his left arm around your waist and pulls you close, pressing his lips on your hair. “It suits you perfectly. But you're always beautiful.„ his words meant the world to you.

And so began the day. Wriothesley is careful, meticulous even. He makes sure you stay hydrated, well fed and have fun. If you want a pastry, he'll buy it without a second thought. This piece of jewerly looks pretty on you? He'll offer it to you, no matter the cost.

It's weird for everyone to see the Duke out of the Fortress. He's respected for sure, and well known. You hold hands all day long, sometimes stealing kisses when you're in a alley or when no one's looking.

When the sun fades away to let the moon takes place, stars show up too. Now sitting near the water, you both look up at the navy blue sky. Wriothesley lets out a sigh and clears his throat. “I hope you had fun. I'm not sure when I'd be capable to have such a long time outside the Fortress without it being work related.„

Sure or not, you're just happy he manages to have time for you. And he's relieved everything went smoothly. He leans closer to you, his lips grazing your cheek. “Happy birthday.„

And even if it has caused him some stress, he's ready to do it over again next year if it makes him see your eyes so sparkly and shiny with delightment and happiness.

He'd risk anything to see you smile and hear your laughers echoing in his ears.

-ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹｡ₓ ू ₒ ु ˚ ‧̫‧ ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛-

The good part of being a detective is that he knows how to not leave any clue about his true intentions. And so, he can surprise you whenever he wants and you won't even realise he has planned it for a while!

Since Heizou can hardly take a day off recently, you agreed it'd be better if you spend the day with your friends and just leave your evening for him.

It was an amazing day, your friends and you strolled around the city, went to some fancy places and just spoiled you entirely. But it felt off, knowing that Heizou wasn't with you like you wished he could've.

They dropped you by your house, and with a sigh, you stepped inside. Of course Heizou wasn't home yet. It wasn't surprising, he's quite overwhelmed with work lately. Yet there was a small disappointment in your chest. Your heart was a bit heavier. But you brush it off.

By the time he gets home, you had just finished preparing dinner. He steps closer with that shitty grin and clears his throat. “Such a sweetie, making dinner when I hoped I'd have time to treat you today.„ of course, he doesn't want you to do any effort for today, but his schedule decided otherwise.

And so, with a swift movement, he shoves a bouquet against your chest. “I know it isn't much compared to how it could've been nicer to spend the day together, but I hope it'll make it up for it a bit.„

Heizou has always been a romantic at heart, he loves it when he sees your cheeks flushing and feels your breath growing faster from his teasing. And he's delighted to see that sweet blush spreading slowly.

Leaning in close, he takes your hands in his, and presses a chaste kiss on your lips. “Let's eat dinner and enjoy the time we have tonight, alright? I need to make it up for you.„

He lets you take care of the bouquet first, ensuring it won't die just yet. He teases you about your day, plays with you some games and even let you win for once. And needless to say the night ends in something.. more than just flirt and teasing.

But he hopes next year won't be as busy, so he can treat you like the princess you are in his eyes.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *. *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ☽ ✧˖*°࿐ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A gambler. That's what he'll always be no matter what, no matter the day. He needs to work every single day, to be a good asset for the IPC. He can't afford losing. He will never accept it.

But today, Aventurine thought it'd be nice to let you experience gambling too. Well, not as much as he usually does, but more in a regular casino. He's obviously well known here, and has some free drinks. But he wants you to enjoy it too.

He teaches you how to do, the ropes of each games. To guess when to stop, and more importantly of course, to understand the rules and that losing can cost a lot. But deep down, Aventurine doesn't give a fuck about how much money you'll lose. He has way more than someone can think of.

Each games were fun, but you hated seeing those girls eyeing him like you don't exist. Don't they see you, the gorgeous girl sitting next to him, with who he holds hands? Or perhaps they don't care. But it frustrates you.

Even more so when one comes closer and accidentally spills wine on Aventurine's jacket. He doesn't react at first. But he grows more and more impatient as she tries to clean her mess.

But he got fed up when she literally sat in between the both of you. Who does she think she is? “Excuse me, Miss,„ with a dry chuckle and bright smile, he stands up and walks behind her, “don't you see her?„

Swiftly, almost as if he has always been ready for it, he pulls you close, your head resting on his chest. Your face flushes bright red of course, but you don't say anything. “She already holds the string. And compared to you, she doesn't care about my money. So if you please, do not dare to bother us further on her special day.„

He leads you away, and yet, casts them a last glance, “Except if you want to face the consequences, that is. But I doubt you would like it.„

He'd never let anyone makes you feel inferior, nor worthless, and even less when it's supposed to be your day. The day he caters to your every need without any complaint or question.

Upon arriving to a new game, away from those nuisance, he holds your hand in his, pressing his forehead against yours. “I'm sorry, darling. But I promise you, you're the only one in my eyes. The prettiest, the cutest, and the most loveable woman I've ever set my eyes on.„

He'd cherish you. He knows the pain, and he wants to keep you away from it. He struggles at time, but every effort is worth of your smile. Every day is a delight to get home to you, to know you're his, and that he's yours.

That he has a home. A home with you.

☆.｡.:*　❥　-ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ-　☽　.｡.:*☆

What were you thinking when you first confessed to him? Of course you thought he'd reject you. We're talking about Veritas Ratio. But to your surprise, he accepted! But maybe you should've been careful... He's a teacher.

It isn't uncommon for Veritas Ratio to call you stupid or dumb, because you don't understand something or that you made a mistake on something simple. But you also know he'll always be here for you.

Compared to one of his colleage, he isn't particularly rich. Don't get me wrong, he is completely financially stable, and he won't be anytime soon the type to get ruined. But basically, if you need special teaching in something he doesn't master, he won't hesitate to help you with it.

He can't help but put intellect into a bit everything he does. But he knows it can piss you off at times, especially when it's not the moment for it.

Today, he has a long day. Longer than intended. So you nicely bring him lunch. Yet he requests of you to stay until his break is over. You know he isn't one to care about birthdays, but he does remember them if he is supposed to know them. Yours is no exception.

“I'm going to be home later than usual tonight, but perhaps you have any wish for how we spend our time?„ it isn't often that he lets you so openly choose. But you don't wait more time to ask if you could watch a movie and snuggle. You need nothing more than some rest, and so does he.

Laughers fill the empty classroom, except for the both of you. He knows when to not overdo it, especially with you. He will never admit it entirely, but he doesn't want to risk losing you. He can't. Not when you bring him so much by just existing.

There's a reason why he doesn't want you to be to close to that blonde, don't you think? But it doesn't matter.

In the evening, after you shared dinner, you set on the couch with him, snuggling up. His left hand caressing your side while his right one is holding a pen. Of course he can't only watch a movie, he needs to keep on going with his paperwork. But he doesn't entirely focus on it.

However, from time to time, you'd hear from Veritas that he clicks his tongue. He seems rather.. unpleased. And when you take a look, you don't see anything wrong. “Of course you don't, you're too much of an idiot to realise that student's mistake. What a pity.„

Unfortunately for you, you dared to ask what was the mistake.. and now you're in for a lecture. He sits you up and explains to you, in a rather annoyed tone. It isn't a surprise to say that you both don't even noticed when the movie has finished.

You're about to stand up when he holds you back, pulling you in his lap. “Don't you dare run away from my lecture. You asked to know, so you'll know.„ It promises to be an interesting evening and night, especially if you try to push your luck.

Veritas will make sure you get the appropriate punishment if his patience runs out by the time he's done with you.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ੈ✩‧₊˚ೃ⁀➷˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚.ೃ࿐

Have you ever imagined he'd steal your heart? A detective by day, a Phantom Thief by night. He earned his title well, he's definitely a prince in your eyes.

“Are you still listening?„ Akechi inquires. You have to admit, you weren't. You were too charmed into his eyes, shining as he shares his day with you.

“I've been thinking, there's an amusement park not far from here. Would you like to go with me?„ he asks. He isn't really scared of asking you on a date anymore. Of course, he couldn't help but feel like he isn't enough at times. But you love him, right? He can't let his insecurities win over.

And so, you are now on a date with him, on your birthday. He cares for a bit everything. He makes sure the sun isn't hitting you too hard, that you drink enough, and especially have fun.

You're the only one lucky enough to see him almost constantly out of his detective prince persona. To know the real him. He has his issues, and sometimes he may snaps at you. But he apologises and proves that he changes. He already does, but he tries to make sure you know he's willing to become better for you.

You're his light, and he can't lose you. At first, he even thought you loved that coffee shop's employee, but he felt lucky when you reciprocated his feelings.

Since then, Akechi would take you out often. To the beach, at restaurant, or even just for a walk. He wants you to know he cares, and he wants you only. He needs to be careful though, but he makes it work out.

Getting into a bit every attractions, he even ends up winning you a teddy bear. No one is ever too old for one after all, right? As he hands it to you, he presses a kiss on your lips, soft and tender, as if he wants the time to stop.

The sun sets slowly, and you get into the Ferris Wheel to end up the day. It's cozy, just the two of you. He holds you close, his nose in your hair as he breathes in your scent. “Happy birthday, my love.„

Why would he need to say anything more? Your heart races, and you look up at him with a sheepish smile. No one can mistake that expression on both of your faces. You're so undeniably in love with each other.

“I know I fucked up, especially when you discovered what I've done. But I'll become better. For you, and for us. So please, stay with me.„ he couldn't help but squeezing you tighter against him, as if you won't allow him time.

“I love you. So fucking much.„ he whispers as the sun disappears from view, letting the moon rise slowly. He'll always do his best for you, to be worthy of you.

Because he loves you. And he'll make every birthday from now on special for you.

·:¨༺ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　✮　☄. *. ⋆ ༻¨:·

It took him time to allow himself to be vulnerable in front of you. To allow you to see the worst part of him. To see the monster beneath. He was certain he'd lose you. And yet, you're still here, beside him.

William is more than delighted to know you aren't ready to leave him. To know you'll stay. He doesn't entirely understand his feelings himself, but he has them, and that's all that matters.

To say William cares about birthdays is an understatement. He doesn't make big things, but he shows his care for sure. So don't you dare think you'll be an exception.

He has been quite busy lately, but he made sure he'd be here for your birthday. From waking to sleep. He stays in bed with you until you stir awake. Your eyes flutter open, the first sight being his blonde locks.

He presses a gentle kiss on your forehead and lets you get ready while he goes preparing breakfast for you. Going downstairs, you smell the sweet scent of food filling your nose.

He serves you, as well as himself, before eating and letting you talk of whatever comes in your mind. He could listen to you all day long, but today wasn't that. He'd spend some quality time with you, no matter what.

He helps you putting on your coat, and holds your hand as you get inside the carriage. He feels your head resting on his shoulder, and he simply caresses the back of your hand with his thumb.

Getting into town, he dismisses the carriage for now. No need for that. He wants you to enjoy the place. If there's something appealing to you, he'll be ready to let you have it. But in the end, he's mostly the one who wants to buy you things.

A beautiful necklace, it'd go perfectly around your neck. Gesturing you to get closer, he carefully puts it around your neck and smiles. “It looks beautiful on you.„ his voice, smooth and quiet, holds so much love. Without hesitation, he buys it for you.

You walk hands in hands, past bakeries and shops, stopping when something would be nice for you. You're definitely spoiled, and it was unexpected for you. You aren't with William for his money, and he knows it. But today, he wants to make sure you'll remember it.

By the evening, inside the carriage to get back home, he lets you rest against him. It has been a tiring day after all, yet so thrilling. But the best was to come in his eyes.

Entering the manor, the living room has been decorated especially for you, a bouquet from Fred's garden waiting as well as a freshly baked cake by Louis. And they were all here too. Well, some like Sebastian aren't so happy, but they could make that effort.

He has planned it all, and it was worth it. For that smile, those happy tears, and those laughers and happiness filling the manor for the rest of the evening.

⋆˚｡⋆୨୧˚︵‿︵‿୨✧༺♥༻∞୧‿︵‿︵‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

He has never been much of a talker. Ever since you both met, he mostly listened to you, no matter what you'd say. And he has a great memory too.

Fred is a caring man, he just stays quiet. He doesn't want to be noticed, he likes his tranquility, despite the circumstances of his current work under William. He absolutely adores the idea of being in charge of the garden, though.

He doesn't show it, but he appreciates plants and flowers. And whenever you may search him, you always find him there. He's peacefully repotting some flowers, to make sure they can grow further.

His head snaps up when you ask him if you can help. “Shouldn't you.. be with the others, celebrating your birthday..?„ he's unsure. He looks at you with suspicions, but in the end, he relents. You must have your reasons to not be celebrating it with them.

He loves spending time with you, but he doesn't want you to restrain yourself from having a good time just because he's tending to flowers.

But when he sees you, right here, with a smile as you carefully move a flower, it feels him with joy. He doesn't show his love much, he does it through small gestures like making sure there's always some of your favourite flowers in the bedroom for the scent. Or to stay with you throuhough breakfast.

It's those small gestures that makes you love him even more each day. And you just want to spend time with him, especially today.

He shyly scoots closer to you, to correct you. “You shouldn't be doing it like that.. it can hurt the roots.„ he doesn't scold you, he just tries to teach you.

Yet, he doesn't move away once done. He stays close. Until he gathered the courage to press his lips against your temple. “Happy birthday.„

It's cute, the way he quickly walks away to care for other plants. But you just thank him quietly. The day passes in a blur, and without even noticing, the moon is in the sky, and you're both still in the greenhouse.

He holds you tight against him, the garden not over yet but it's too late to keep working. And he has cut a rose to give you, making sure to also cut the thorns so you can't get hurt.

“We should head back inside, it's getting cold.„ he helps you up, until you're both home. He even helps to wash your hands, in your sleepy state.

He never thought he'd enjoy gardening with someone so much, and yet..

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

/ᐠ - ˕ •マ Ⳋ mayuchi's property. do not repost, copy or translate without permission.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hi! I have read through all of your harry metas and I love them!!! And it made me wonder whether you had any personal head-cannons regarding him? Like any unpopular ones that are not mentioned in the books or discussed by the fandom. I found only a precious few posts regarding this matter, so yeah I would like to know yours if u do have any.

Hi, thank you so much! 💕

Honestly, I'm pretty sure I just sprinkled Harry headcanons throughout my various posts but I'll try to comprise a list of some of my headcanons that popped into my head here. As such, these are all my random headcanons about Harry, some have more reasoning behind them than others. So, here are some of them in no particular order:

1. I think Harry is gay (could be demi but I don't think he's interested in women and he is interested in men. Personally, I headcanon him as gay).

I have a whole post about it here, but I don't know how common of an opinion it is since I see mostly bi Harry and not gay ones.

2. I see some fanon Harry's portrayed as very small, but I don't think he is. In my head, he's about 5'11 (by book 7) and in canon, he can lift Mundungus by the throat with one hand so... I think he's pretty fit actually. (Though he's very thin due to malnourishment). He's just always compared to Ron, who is like, ridiculously tall. I also think he was short for his age up until and including book 4. Between books 4 and 5 is when he had his first real growth spurt.

3. I think he was born Master of Death and that a lot of his miraculous survivals are because of that.

4. Harry has ADHD. It's my way to explain his tendency to be very observant of some things and not others, his crazy good selective memory, and his tendency to fail when he starts overthinking. Idk, I have ADHD and I'm getting these vibes from him (or projecting, who knows).

5. In my head, the epilogue isn't canon, so Harry breaks the curse on the DADA position, like, 5 years after the war, and starts teaching it. Until then, McGonagall just made sure to hire teachers only with one year contracts.

6. I headcanon the Potter family had more estate than just the cottage in Godric's Hollow and Harry finds out about them at some point after the war. I mean, they are reasonably rich, have a Wizengamot seat, and had more family members until very recently. They have to have more houses.

7. I think Harry and Kreature actually become friends after the books. I think they could've during the books too, Harry finds Kreature's sense of humor funny even as back as OotP:

“. . . Smells like a drain and a criminal to boot, but she’s no better, nasty old blood traitor with her brats messing up my Mistress’s house, oh my poor Mistress, if she knew, if she knew the scum they’ve let in her house, what would she say to old Kreacher, oh the shame of it, Mudbloods and werewolves and traitors and thieves, poor old Kreacher, what can he do. . . .” “Hello, Kreacher,” said Fred very loudly, closing the door with a snap. The house-elf froze in his tracks, stopped muttering, and then gave a very pronounced and very unconvincing start of surprise. “Kreacher did not see Young Master,” he said, turning around and bowing to Fred. Still facing the carpet, he added, perfectly audibly, “Nasty little brat of a blood traitor it is.” “Sorry?” said George. “Didn’t catch that last bit.” “Kreacher said nothing,” said the elf, with a second bow to George, adding in a clear undertone, “and there’s its twin, unnatural little beasts they are.” Harry didn’t know whether to laugh or not.

(OotP, 107-108)

I just see a lot of sassy potential in their dynamic.

8. Before he was hit with the killing curse, he and Lily had the same eye color, a deep, bright green. After Halloween 1981, Harry's eyes are always the shade of the killing curse, which is similar to before, just slightly lighter and brighter. It's barely noticeable unless in certain lighting, but Sirius was sure he was hallucinating from exhaustion on a few nights in Grimmauld Place where he looked at Harry, and his eyes shined just a little off, a little too brightly, the wrong color for just a moment.

9. He had at least 1 too sexy dream about Tom Riddle, and he never told and never will tell anyone if it's up to him. He tries to pretend it didn't happen tbh.

10. Same as number 9 about Sirius, honestly...

11. His animagus form would be a Raven. (Although I can see a few other forms as possible as well)

12. Sometimes, when I draw Harry, I add a little white streak of hair from his scar because I think it looks cool. Also, white hair and death connotation, so, yeah. I'd like to think that the white tuft became larger after he died and came back in the forest.

13. I usually imagine his scar going down through his eyebrow to around his right eye, basically I like it when Harry is very obviously and clearly marked by the killing curse. Unfortunately, canon contradicts this by him being able to cover the scar with his hair, and Snatchers in Deathly Hollows believed him to not be Harry Potter when he made shit up, so the scar probably isn't that noticeable. I'd like to think it is larger with very few lines going below his forehead, and just very very pale and almost invisible when Tom isn't angry over something.

14. He's short-sighted. Aka, his glasses are for looking at things far away, and if he wants to read, he can do so without the glasses, assuming he's holding the page close enough to his face. Actually, contrary to fanon opinion, I think Harry can see without his glasses, it's just really hazy, but if you stand close enough he would recognize you without his glasses. His sight isn't that bad.

15. I think throughout the series, his wardrobe slowly becomes more wizardy (and it could be really cool to implement something like that in the TV show). Basically, in year 1, he's always wearing his school robes over Dudley's muggle clothes, but through the years, he ends up buying random wizard clothing artifacts. So, in later years, he occasionally wore jeans under his robes, but sometimes he wore wizarding shirts. Sometimes, in books like 4 or 5, he could wear muggle sneakers with a casual wizarding robe on the weekend. Like, idk, I like the idea of this gradual change in his wardrobe and by book 7 when they are actively on the run from the ministry he's finally really looking the part of a wizard, but he isn't part of their society because of the war. Like, I just like this arc to his fashion that I made up in my head.

16. The one thing I might agree with the epilogue on in my headcanoned future, is that Harry declines going back for 8th year. Except in my head, he doesn't immediately go to Auror training, instead, he tries to take some time to figure his life out after everything, realizes he wants to go back to Hogwarts and that he doesn't know how to just sit down after 17 years of running on adrenalin and he ends up returning to the optional 8th year like 3 months late.

17. Harry's patronus is never going to change. He isn't going to allow that piece of his father to die, so I don't think it would change.

18. Like what I mentioned above about his eyes being just slightly off from Lily's eye color, I think his resemblance to James is like that too (and the books support me on this). In SWM Harry mentions how James has a longer nose than him and a different eye shape, and I think if you looked closely at James and Harry side by side, you'll see more and more of these differences. They look the same when you don't think about it, but once you look, they don't look like carbon copies of each other at all. I think Harry has James' eyebrows and jaw structure though.

19. For some reason, I headcanon Harry was born on the evening. Like, around 7 or 8. I really don't know why.

20. Harry doesn't know it, but he is attractive. I mean, I'm not sure I mentioned it, but girls in books 5 and 6 start looking at him, and sure, he is the Boy-Who-Lived, but if he wasn't attractive there wouldn't be that many attempts to dose him with love potion. Also, he is the son of James and Lily, so the potential there is high.

21. I'd like to think he keeps the ability to speak Parseltongue even after Voldemort dies and the Horcrux is gone. I like to think the Horcrux wasn't the only reason he could speak it. Like, in my headcanon, Lily is a descendant from a Gaunt family squib line and that's why Voldy's soul triggered the Parseltongue gene that was already there. So, in my version of the books in my head, Harry could still speak it even after book 7.

Like, these are the ones I could think of off the top of my head.

[cosmicatta]

One Piece Novel: Law — a short analysis

So, after a long time trying to get my hands on the Law light novel, I was finally able to read it recently! And, because I'm an obnoxiously intense person who can't just be normal about things, I found myself taking notes about everything I judged interesting.

And I thought I could share! So here's a mostly improvised essay about the Law novel, how it portrays Law and what it reveals about him as a character.

Some notes before I start:

The edition I've read of this novel is the official Spanish translation by Planeta. When quoting and mentioning numbered pages, I'm referencing that edition.

I originally posted this on Twitter as a thread! If it sounds familiar, that might be why.

For those who haven't read the novel and might want to: be mindful of some trigger warnings, including gruesome medical descriptions, suicidal thoughts, mentions of abuse, and violence in general (I won't be touching on these subjects here though).

These are just my personal impressions, I'm not trying to tell anyone how they should interpret the novel or Law's character. I'm just doing this for fun!

The story takes place right after Cora dies, following young Law's journey as he makes it to Swallow Island and desperately tries to survive. There, he will meet Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, as well as Wolf, a novel-exclusive character that welcomes Law and the boys into his home as a family.

Overall, it's a very short read, agile and straightforward. The style is very juvenile, but that was to be expected, and I'd say it does a pretty good job at capturing the feeling of watching a One Piece episode. The novel does kinda feel like a mini arc.

I'm unsure if light novels can be considered 100% canon in general, but since the contents don't contradict anything from what we've already seen in the manga/anime, I'm going to assume we can at least take the events described in this one as canon.

But I'll leave the plot aside a little bit to focus more on Law's psyche, analyzing everything in the novel as material that helps us further understand him.

The entire book (save from a few specific passages) is written from Law's point of view and in first person, so it offers a more in-depth look at his way of thinking, motivations and ideals.

What I find most interesting in this sense is that the whole story is very centered around Law's kindness. Though he does admit several times that he had wanted to see the world burn when he was under Doflamingo's care (as we already know from the source material), the novel makes it very obvious that Law's true nature is compassionate. His inner voice even explicitly states that he enjoys helping and making others happy. (Quotes roughly translated from Spanish):

P. 27: "And I felt very comfortable collaborating with the task of helping others."

P. 92: "Knowing that I was going to free a person from their pain [...] gave me a joy I had never experienced before."

P. 136: "Just imagining the surprised faces of the Old Man, Bepo and the others brought a smile to my face" [when planning on getting fresh fish for dinner as a surprise].

And, despite living under Wolf's motto of "give to take," Law never expects anything in return for any of his good actions. In fact, he gets furious at Wolf himself when, after saving his life, the old man insists on giving Law anything he demands as compensation.

P. 120: "I didn't save you because I wanted a reward!" [...] They [Bepo, Shachi and Penguin] burst into tears of happiness when they realized that you had survived. That's more than enough for me! [...]" I won't let you belittle their tears!"

But even then, Law keeps arguing that he only saved Wolf "on a whim," much like he would say years later when asked why he chose to save Luffy's life. This is a common theme throughout the whole book (which is also pretty obvious in the manga)—Law doesn't recognize his own kindness.

It's not modesty or shyness, his inner monologue makes it very clear that he doesn't see himself as good-natured, and is often confused at his own motivations.

In their first meeting, when Bepo asks him why he is so nice to him, Law doesn't know what to answer; and after that, when Law finds himself wondering why he's trying so hard to save Shachi and Penguin despite their past history, he blames it all on "doctor's pride."

P. 48: "I wasn't even a good person."

Still, regardless of what Law might think of himself, living in Swallow Island seems to be making him progressively gentler. He was wary and hostile towards Wolf at first, but eventually lets himself trust people again, trying to honor Cora's memory and what he taught Law.

In Swallow Island he builds his new found family little by little, though never letting go of Cora and what he meant to Law.

P. 39: "Cora and I were family, that's what I felt at heart, I had no doubts. We had loved each other without saying it out loud [...] Would I feel the same for the Old Man and Bepo eventually?"

Slowly, he starts finding comfort and joy in community. He lets himself be carefree around his new friends, treating them with open affection, laughing and being surprisingly enthusiastic (although he quickly starts taking his role as a leader very seriously, and sometimes avoids showing weakness around them so as not to worry them.)

Law even gets to become an active part of life in Pleasure Town, where he and the other boys are cherished after 3 years living and working there. He's comfortable with his role in the community and appreciates the people in town. His sense of duty towards them shines especially when the pirates arrive to attack the town.

Again, this contrasts with how Law sees himself even in the manga/anime, where he insists that he acts mostly out of selfishness and only seeking his own benefit (or, in the best of cases "on a whim.")

But the truth is that Law's decisions are almost always related to other people's desires.

In this sense, the concept of guilt is also key to understand Law's motivations and his relationship with the world as a whole. This is especially obvious when it comes to Cora—Law even briefly wishes that they had never met, so that Cora would still be alive (p. 128-129.)

In a way, guilt is what moves Law forward, and what slowly starts transforming into a thirst for revenge, into rage and hatred towards Doflamingo and possibly towards himself too. It's a kind of tragic guilt born out of love.

His love for Cora still haunts him, his last wish for Law is the big enigma that he tries to solve during his 3 years in Swallow Island: be free. What is freedom to Law? How can he fulfill Cora's request? This is the question that gives meaning to the novel.

We know that Law wouldn't feel free until finally taking down Doflamingo and avenging Cora's death many years later, but he hasn't reached that point of determination in the novel yet. Maybe that's what gives the narration that hopeful and optimistic tone, with a young Law that's still finding himself, experiencing wonder in loving again, and learning what it means for him to be true to his values. It's the start of an adventure, and its core theme is love.

The ending illustrates this very well; I especially like the moment where Law names the crew as they're setting sail:

P. 243: "Cora's love that he showed me, Wolf's affection, the trust I had in my companions. One word embodied it all: Heart."

It is love that gives Law a reason to keep going. And I'm so glad that the novel doesn't shy away from this fact and isn't afraid of sounding "sappy" or "corny," because I do believe emotion is a very important part of Law's character.

The epilogue closes with a very interesting quote in the last page:

"You hear that, Cora? This is my... This is our pirate crew."

It is unclear if by "our" he is referring to himself and Cora, as if dedicating this new beginning to him, or if he means him and his crew. I'd personally like to think he means it both ways. But in any case, it's interesting that he openly shares the honor of "owning" his crew with someone else. He is the captain, but not the owner. It's another little way in which his generosity is evidenced.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable read, and it left me wanting more. Obviously, it's not a literature masterpiece, but it gives a lot of interesting material for character analysis, which is super fun.

Finally, here’s a few fun facts for those who can’t/don’t want to read the novel but enjoy the little trivia:

The Polar Tang was built and designed by Wolf.

Law’s first tattoo was "DEATH," and he got it at a local tattoo shop in Pleasure Town at around 15 years old.

Shachi and Penguin are childhood friends and likely met through their parents.

Shachi had always wanted to be a hair stylist.

Law is bad at cooking.

Both Shachi and Penguin are good at cooking, especially Penguin, who worked as a waiter in Pleasure Town.

The Hearts’ jolly roger was collectively designed by Law, Bepo, Shachi and Penguin days before leaving Swallow Island.

Law decided the name of their crew upon setting sail for the first time.

And I think that's all! ♥ I hope my rambling was enjoyable at least!

Edit: I've now posted an analysis of the Ace novels too!

[earlgreytea68]

I have read another terrible book so it is time for me to talk again about terrible books.

All of the terrible books that I have read recently have all had fantastic premises. This was why I picked them up to read. And all of them had glimmers of something good somewhere inside of them. I can't tell if the fault with the book lies with the writers or with the editors. Because in my experience editors don't think super-hard about why characters behave in a certain way, as long as whatever is happening "sounds good" in a plot sort of way. So maybe these were all great books that got edited into absurdity. Or maybe the writers wrote the books in this foolish way, but it's still the fault of the publishers for publishing them like this. Either way, I think everyone could benefit SO MUCH from just, like, thinking a little bit harder about the way characters are behaving???????

I don't often name the books I think are terrible because I don't want to make anyone feel bad for loving those books! It's cool! If you find something that brings you joy, embrace it! I am going to name this recent book, though, because I have Things to Say.

It was The Wishing Game. MASSIVE SPOILERS BELOW.

The premise of this book sounds great because it's like a spin on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (and the author says that was the point in her acknowledgments at the end). And there are glimmers of a pretty complete world the author has dreamed up for the books that form the basis of the in-book fandom.

But. Okay. In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the golden ticket game is *in theory* totally random, and all the children except Charlie are awful and in the end Charlie wins.* In this book, the author chooses deliberately who to have compete in this contest and they all seem like nice people and in the end NONE OF THEM WIN because of how stupid this book is lol.

Even worse than the stupid, pointless, manipulative premise (oh, btw, we're meant to believe that the author in question is just a charming and lonely old man NO, HE IS MANIPULATING EVERYONE WHO COMES NEAR HIM AND IT'S CREEPY) is the fact that the MC is the worst Mary Sue I've encountered in years. I cannot believe that for so many years fic had such a bad reputation and meanwhile this professionally published book presented THIS MAIN CHARACTER to me. This woman is so deeply self-centered and selfish and childish and yet is presented as the bestest woman ever who deserves all the bestest things in life. This woman wants to adopt a child whose parents have died, okay, fine, but, like, she consistently refers to herself as this child's mother and seems to want to just pretend his real parents never existed, which is...weird, but Idk, whatever, maybe that can be justified or something, but throughout the book all this woman does is whine about how her parents never loved her. We find out that she believes this because her older sister was really, really sick throughout her life and constantly being hospitalized, so the parents were endlessly in the hospital with the older sister. I get it, she felt abandoned, that does sound rough and awful. Except then we find out that she was sent to live with her grandparents and I understand she feels abandoned by her parents but we find out that her grandparents were apparently lovely people who loved her very much so the fact that she is so constantly angry that she was never loved is...weird, again. AND THEN even worse she haaaaaates her sister so much that she refuses to talk to her, even as a grown-up, and it feels like as a grown-up you should maybe at least start to have some understanding that it wasn't her sister's fault she was so sick???? Like, her sister was genuinely sick, she wasn't faking, it seems, again, REALLY WEIRD that she hates her so furiously. And then they, Idk, make up in the course of a page because this book is like this and then the MC finds out her sister only has a few months to live (BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN REALLY SICK HER WHOLE LIFE) and once again it's ALL ABOUT THE MC, she's all, "Woe is me! I just found her again! This isn't fair!" SHE WAS NEVER LOST. YOU WERE JUST A SELFISH JERK. ALSO I THINK IT'S WORSE FOR HER.

Because this book was sooooo focused on the MC, we never found out very much at all about the other competitors, who all seemed like perfectly nice people, we have no reason to think otherwise. But no. At the end, BECAUSE THE MC IS SO PERFECT, the author chooses HER to basically leave his entire fortune to, but that is a choice that makes no sense when you don't know why the other characters couldn't have gotten it! And she's known this author like a week at this point but she moves herself and HER NEWLY ADOPTED CHILD to live with this guy and this seems like not the wisest course of action?????

And you can see from the Goodreads link that this book has over four stars and was nominated for awards and I'm like, ......WHAT IS HAPPENING?????

I read a lot a lot of terrible books that make me despair, because, again, THESE PEOPLE ARE BEING PAID TO WRITE THIS TERRIBLE STUFF. MULTIPLE PEOPLE ARE BEING PAID TO PROMOTE THIS TERRIBLE STUFF. WHY SO MANY RESOURCES BEHIND THESE THINGS?????

But in between these terrible books that honestly at this point I'm reading for sociological investigative purposes, I also sometimes scatter some classics, either that I've never read or that I read years ago and want to revisit. So after finishing this terrible book, I looked at the next book on the very long TBR list that I keep, and it was Kate Chopin's "The Awakening," which I haven't read since high school. I am about a quarter of the way through this book and...the writing is so good. The writing is SO GOOD. I mean, obviously, of course, it should be, the book is a classic and so it should be good. But it's just a relief to remember that I do like to read books lol and some books are really good.

*My personal theory of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, as I think I've mentioned before, is that Charlie is Willy Wonka's illegitimate son and the whole contest is manufactured to get Charlie into the factory and allow Willy Wonka to give the factory to him without acknowledging him as his son (because Willy Wonka obviously can never admit to having sex). The end.

[blissfulbluee]

I think In-ho started being the Frontman the year Gi-hun participated in the games. From the conversation between Jun-ho and his mother, it sounded like he had just recently stopped contacting them. It was also the first month he had stopped paying rent. Sometimes I wonder, if Jun-ho hadn't infiltrated the island and In-ho hadn't shot him, would he have returned to his brother and mother with an excuse? Was shooting Jun-ho finding the island the reason why he had to cut all ties with his family? What do you think?

Hi! Thanks for the ask!!!

I think this theory holds up pretty well. I can’t decide between this one and the one where he started a little while after his own games. Both make sense to me. The only question I have with this one is why did In-ho seem to know what he was doing, like he has done it before? I guess maybe Il-nam would have him somehow informed beforehand. Then again, if he had been doing it for years why did he only then try to cut ties with his family/why did they only then realize he would go away for an entire week or so every year.

I think thats a good question! To me it seemed like he kind of wanted to start putting distance between them. I’m guessing he knows this role is a major one and risks his life and potentially his family’s life. He is one to do anything to protect his family even if it’s not by conventional standards and even if it hurts one or both of them.

Though I can also see part of him wanting to live a normal life between the games. He only has, like, two people left in his life as far as we know. of course he wouldnt want to lose them, but now that jun-ho knows and now that he hurt jun ho, everything is very different between them. would he even be able to just..stop being the frontman? probably not, so the easiest or better decision to him was to do what he can to make sure his little brother is okay and then never let him ever get close to the island again, even if he desperately wants to see jun ho and explain himself.

augh there is so much complexity to in-ho that any of this could work. personally in fanfics i dont mind what they do. although i do enjoy the angst of him being the frontman for a while and like trying to also live a normal life and keep his sanity (with the books he reads and the fish as ways to cope or even justify things)

[northoftheroad]

Has Dick ever attempted to kill Zucco? Because it's something I see very often being brought up in discussions about Dick Grayson. But in everything I've read, the only thing Dick has ever done to Zucco is bring him to justice with Batman's help after finding out he's who murdered his parents.

Hi, Indeed, the idea that little Dick was out for bloody vengeance is blown hugely out of proportion and it's tiresome to see it so widespread! As far as I know, he's never been out hunting for Zucco with the expressed intention to kill him.

(I might be late to the party because I saw that @farshootergotme recently made this point in two posts – definitely check them out (part 1 and part 2). But since I've been working on an answer, I'll press on.)

The original story (and later retellings of it) in Detective Comics # 38 (1940) had Dick intending to go to the police but Batman stopped him and said it would lead to Dick himself being killed because "the whole town is run by boss Zucco" (who was a big time boss at the time, he's been very much reduced in importance since).

Detective Comics # 38

In Batman Year Three (1989), right after the murder, Dick tells Batman to "Kill him for me". He's never out looking for Zucco, though, and by the time he's taken in by Bruce from the orphanage, he says it wouldn't change anything, he just wishes he "could do something so people like him couldn't hurt anyone ever again".

Batman vol 1 # 436 and 437

I think the angriest we've seen Dick is in Batman The Animated Series. I believe the BTAS episodes Robin's Reckoning (1993) started the trend of little Dick going out by himself (in different media, he has been looking for Zucco, running away from being mistreated, following Batman, and visited the circus).

In BTAS Zucco wasn't caught after the murder and little Dick was indeed out to look for Zucco, but nothing was said about killing him. He still becomes a pretty happy Robin in the show, but he does blow up when Zucco comes back to Gotham and Batman doesn't want Robin's help to look for him (because Batman was afraid that something would happen to Robin). There is a moment where Zucco (and the audience) is supposed to wonder whether Robin will let him drop a long way down, so this, I would argue, is the closest we'll ever see to Dick wanting to kill him. But this is Dick as a young adult who have lived with Zucco getting away, as opposed to comics.

BTAS Robin's Reckoning

In the Robin Annual # 4, Year One, (1995), where Dick is placed and mistreated at a youth centre, he runs away to get away – with no intention of looking for a criminal, just to save himself. He's still alone and miserable after Bruce has taken him in so he does go out one night to visit Haly circus, which is back in town. Haly is killed, Dick attacks the killers and has to be saved by Batman. Dick's internal thoughts in this book are about putting Zucco away (in prison), not killing.

Robin vol 2 Annual # 4

In The Choice in Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #100 (1997), Dick does go out to look for the murderer, and Zucco dies of heart failure (or something like that), but Dick says he didn't want him to die. And in Dark Victory (1999–2000), Dick tells Batman he wants to help. However, Batman takes Dick with him to confront Zucco; Dick chases Zucco who (again) dies from medical issues, and Dick does not look triumphant.

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #100 (The Choice)

Dark Victory

And in New 52, (Nightwing vol 3 # 0, 2012), 15-year-old Dick is indeed out looking for Zucco, because he feels it's his responsibility, and he starts to fight criminals together with Batman out on the streets. Again, nothing is said about wanting to kill Zucco. The Long Year in Secret Origins vol 3 # 1 (2014) has a slightly different version, but here too, Bruce and Dick only talk about catching Zucco.

Nightwing vol 3 # 0

Secret Origins vol 3 # 1 The Long Year

There are a few more versions of Dick's origin stories, but I think I've covered the ones most people know about. I'm not really familiar with the animated Teen Titans but, as far as I know, there is no mention of Tony Zucco here (since some people seem to think that Robin is actually Tim Drake, even though it's clearly based on New Teen Titans. And I believe there is a reference to the circus somewhere?).

Thanks for the ask! I have been writing snippets about the subject of fanon murder child Dick Grayson here and there, it was good to get a reason to collect my thoughts and panels once and for all.

[thewalrusespublicist]

hi! really enjoying reading your blog. i've listened to the beatles all my life but only now have i started looking into the more fandom side of things, and reading your interpretations/insights into a huge variety of beatles topics has been super interesting and informative!

as for my question, i've only recently learned how much paul is still like, actively grieving john. (obviously i knew he mourned his death, but john's now been dead longer than he was alive and paul seems just as grief-stricken as he was decades ago.) and something i've been wondering is if he's ever performed his songs that were obviously/highly suspected of being critical of john live since his death? based on much of what i've seen, i imagine he'd have a hard time even looking the fact that he was ever publicly reproachful of john in its face, so to speak. (when considering how wistful and rose-tinted he seems re: john, etc., if that makes sense?)

Hi anon!,

Thank you so much!

I would honestly have to look back at his set lists but to my knowledge, no. I really don't think he'd want to and, to be fair, I don't think there are many songs about John that are that critical and the small pool that are, aren't really suitable for live performances compared to others. Edit: I was wrong, Paul did perform Too Many People in 2005 as part of the setlist and briefly in 2008.

On the slight contrary though, as per the mention of 'mixed feelings' about John in the Lyrics book and other things, I think Paul's grief is intensely complex and that the public only get to see some of it. I don't think he is that upset or regretful about being critical, if you listen to the Salewicz tape closer to the time of John's death Paul says that he could have said an awful lot worse about John and Yoko but he hasn't because he loved John. In the context of the absolute tidal wave of garbage John threw at him, Paul arguably had the sense to not do or say anything really unforgivable so I think his conscious is pretty clear aside from not making up properly. I am not saying that Paul doesn't mean the nice things he says about John publicly (and if any of the anecdotes and stories about him in private are true, these stories are potentially more frequent and intense than you'd expect), but judging from various places and comments he seems to also hold some very difficult feelings about the last ten years of John's life too.

On the grief being so raw, sorry to go on a bit of a tangent but I've been listening to a podcast on grief recently with Anderson Cooper, and it's made me realise that Paul's presentation of grief is a realistic reflection of how intense grief for a loved one actually is compared to how it gets portrayed in the media and how Western culture likes to see it (ie you get like three years and it's done, moving on). A lot of people on that show talk in similar ways to how Paul talks about John (I see signs of them, they talk to me, they're a part of me, the grief can hit me randomly no matter how long its been, I keep things of theirs etc.) With Paul, the level of grief is I suspect how a lot of people actually feel when they lose someone who was extremely dear to them, but his is more on a public stage and so more visible than the standard person's. I do think his grief for John is complicated however by so much: the horror and senselessness of what happened, their unresolved issues, Paul's tendency to bury things deep, deep down, the intensity of his love for people and inability to process the death as 'it's too much' as well as the intense public attention. It's no wonder that the grief still feels so raw and unprocessed.

Paul is also an excellent example of how one's relationship with the deceased continues and evolves over time. Paul hasn't stayed in one place over John's death, his grief has evolved and transformed and I suspect intensified again in the wake of Get Back. I'm glad that by the sounds of it he is coming to a much happier place about it, even if it's potentially more rose-tinted than the reality. But hey, he's in his eighties, if he's going to have this weight of grief forever and if it gives him comfort he may as well focus on all the happy and sunny moments. More than power to him.

[humbledragon669]

S2E2 - The Clue Write Up P4 - Land of Uz: Crowley speaks to Job to a little alone time in the cellar

I’m going to start with an incredibly quick note, just in case there’s anyone out there reading this who doesn’t know/hasn’t realised that the actor playing Job is Peter Davison, who is not only linked to David Tennant by way of having played the fifth Doctor, but is also his father-in-law (in real life). I think I’m probably preaching to the converted with that little nugget, but it pays to be cautious with these things.

Alright, let’s get going proper, shall we? And I want to give a little nod of acknowledgement for the camera work we see going “through” the book page into the scene beyond. Not the first time we’ve seen this technique used to transition the audience from one place (in time, mood, or location) to another, but it’s pretty smooth nonetheless, and achieves its desired effect effortlessly. There’s something utterly ridiculous about some of the script for this initial scene too - some random dude shows up in your newly destroyed barn asking for your children and you don’t stop to ask who he is and what he wants? In fact, why not direct him to your wife to be as helpful as possible? Don’t stop there though, why not start pouring your soul out to him in a keenly ironic speech about being delivered to demons. Sure. Very convincing. Still, I don’t suppose there’s much in the way of official records of this conversation to base the scene on, is there…

Miracle noise alert! This one definitely originates from Crawley and definitely differs from the one we most recently associated with Aziraphale.

This one is… “flatter” is the word that springs to mind when I hear it. I think it’s intended to sound closer to a snake hiss; of textural note we are missing the little choir vocalisation that we heard in earlier miracle noises. Swinging back around to the theory about miracle noises relating to intent rather than caster, this particular noise would prove both theories. I guess what I really want to hear at this point is the noise from a miracle definitely cast only by Crowley with good or neutral intent. That might put this theory to bed for me, but I think we’ll have to wait a while for that (off the top of my head I can’t think if we get one of those in these season, but I’ll be on the look-out).

I find the choice of words used in the opening arguments between Aziraphale and Crawley interesting:

Aside from the opportunity to revel in Aziraphale admitting he was wrong about something, I think the different uses of don’t have to/couldn’t/can/will in this wordplay are worth noting. To avoid this getting too wordy, I’m going to break this down into a table to demonstrate:

And all of this hammered home with a final plea from Aziraphale, returning to his original point, and making an explicit statement that he believes that being a demon involves the ability to exercise free will (let’s face it, it kinda doesn’t - Crawley has little official choice than to follow orders, just like the angel). This point of view will become interesting as the season progresses and we see Aziraphale’s beliefs about free will and how it ties in with humanity morphing - after all, it wasn’t all that long ago that he was trying to convince a bunch of archangels on the street that the whole point of being human (not a demon) is to exercise free will (at least in our chronology - this conversation with Crawley and the one with the angels on the street are actually separated by some 4500 years…). What’s interesting to me about his beliefs at this particular point in time, is that they suggest at least part of his understanding of the differences between the agents of Heaven and Hell isn’t to do with morality or intent, it’s the presence/absence of free will. Ergo, the opposite of “Good” isn’t “Evil”, but “Choice”. Oof, that one hits pretty deep, doesn’t it? I could get into a big discussion about how this does or doesn’t resemble major religions even today but I feel like that goes a bit beyond my qualifications, so instead I’ll just make one more point about this handful of lines between our hero couple, this one on another more word choice for Aziraphale:

AZIRAPHALE: Crawley… You don’t have to destroy Job’s children.

Notice the word “destroy” and not “kill”. I’m not sure why this distinction has been made, not least because Crawley has already told Aziraphale 500 years previously that killing kids is not something he can get onboard with.

Maybe the word choice has been swayed somewhat by Crawley’s supposed disposal of the goats, where they simply disappeared in a puff of smoke. Perhaps “destroy” was thought to be a stronger word than “kill”, though that’s not a stance I would agree with, and I actually feel like it offers the opportunity to distance the “destroyer” from their actions somewhat.

Before we get too deep into the weeds with the next mini-section of Aziraphale pleading, there’s something I want to lay on the table. The last time this pair saw each other was 500 years ago. We saw that meeting, and earlier in this episode they even went so far as to confirm that was the last time they saw each other. That meeting, filled with shocking revelations about Heaven’s actions as it was, was very friendly. VERY friendly. We’ve gone from Crawley looking at Aziraphale like this:

to this:

I mean… What happened? No, seriously, what the actual fuck happened? The tension between this pair is palpable in both scenes, but they are very different types of tension. I’ve always thought that there’s something off about the way their conversation starts at the beginning of the minisode: it feels like that awkward conversation you have with someone when you bump into them after having had a blazing row and neither of you has apologised and despite time passing, you’re both still sore about it. Almost like… unexpectedly bumping into your ex? I realise that was all really wordy, when all I’m really trying to say is that I’m not clear on why the relationship feels so strained at the beginning of the minisode, just like I’m not clear on why Crowley is so grumpy when we see him in Rome. It occurs to me that we don’t see the end of their encounters in Mesopotamia and Golgotha (the previous meetings to Uz and Rome, respectively), and once again I say: what the actual fuck happened?

If we consider the possibility that the meeting in Mesopotamia potentially did not end as amicably as it began, Aziraphale’s desperate pleading with Crawley to do the right thing in this Land of Uz scene feels perhaps a bit more understandable. And let’s just be clear about Aziraphale’s plan of attack at this point - he’s no longer asking a demon not to the “bad” thing, he’s appealing to Crawley to be the being that he has fallen in love with come to know in the years before - one that is incapable of doing the unspeakable things he’s been tasked with.

Wait, wait, did I say understandable? Because this is truly unbearable for me - I can’t watch this without choking back a sob, for real. The little gulp as Crawley’s words hit home, the slumping shoulders, the slight wobble in his bottom lip, the rasping breath he takes (OH BUT THAT INTAKE OF BREATH WILL KILL ME). He is absolutely, and completely, devastated. And who can be surprised, because that speech from Crawley (complete with background hiss noise as he removes his glasses) is pure venom (no snake pun intended). Everything the demon says at this point is said with the sole purpose of hurting Aziraphale (and I say again: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!), prompting Aziraphale to use his ultimate weapon - it’s the forgiveness line. There is something particular about this usage though - on this occasion he doesn’t forgive Crawley personally, he asks for forgiveness on his behalf, which we’ve seen once before: on the bandstand. That encounter was very definitely a break-up and for a second it looks like this one might have been going the same way, and I think I speak on behalf of the entire fandom when I thank those goats for not being able to keep their mouths shut here.

As much as I am fully onboard with Aziraphale’s smugness in his response to finding out that Crawley was indeed the being he thought he was, I can’t help but feel like it’s slightly misplaced, and here’s why:

CRAWLEY: Doesn’t mean we’re on the same side. AZIRAPHALE: No, no!

You see, I don’t think Aziraphale has realised that his actions have actually gone against Heaven’s wishes at this point. So as far as he’s concerned, Crawley and him being on the same side (which is clearly what he thinks, given the vocal delivery) means that Crawley is also on Heaven’s side. Which he most certainly isn’t, and even though the demon has a much clearer idea of how things are progressing, it’s obvious that Aziraphale thinks that Crawley’s point of view is just a cover story for him actually being on Heaven’s side. I think this is the first time that the idea of third “side” (i.e. not for Heaven or Hell) is introduced, chronologically speaking, even if it was thought to be a temporary arrangement and not specifically termed as “their side”. I find myself wondering if Crawley’s acknowledgement that they are “temporarily not on different sides” is the reason he doesn’t protest being called an angel by Job’s eldest daughter (Keziah), but perhaps that’s just because he wants to lull them into a false sense of security for the grand finale coming up.

I will be preaching to the converted for the second time in this write-up now I know, but as I said, it pays to be cautious. The young man playing Ennon is David’s in-real-life son. This episode is quite the family affair! Having that little bit of knowledge makes Crawley’s reaction to this self-important, arrogant little shit all the more funny too.

And whilst we’re on the subject of Crawley’s reactions, I love this facial expression we see in reaction to Aziraphale deciding to throw his weight around:

I slowed it down a bit, but you can see his face twitch ever so slightly just after Aziraphale starts bellowing, like it actually took him by surprise. Pranked or not, I think it’s pretty obvious to see that he does not think this new strategy from the angel is a good one. The background acting doesn’t stop here either, with an adorable little squeak from him in response to Jemimah’s charming nature. It makes me feel a bit sorry for the kids in the scene really, who are (I hope) acting their little socks off being the most repulsive versions of children they can be whilst David just stands there pulling a few faces/making some noises and manages to steal the scene.

There’s no reason for that gif other than to watch a loop of David winking (extremely careful typing required with that sentence).

Alright, maybe there was a little reason, other than pure aesthetics. I know I’m not the only one to say I find the interaction between Crawley and Jemimah adorable, but outside of just being really cute, this relationship does serve a narrative purpose in the context of the storyline. This playful banter he establishes with the young child is what lays the road for some mischief. I’ve talked about it in earlier write-ups, but we don’t see an awful lot of the mischievous demon in this season. Well, all that’s about to change, and I’m pretty relieved because up to now everything Crawley has done in this minisode has felt very serious. I love seeing him getting joy in causing harmless mayhem.

I also find it interesting that this side of the demon has only been allowed out now that he and Aziraphale have found some common ground - the dislike of the two older children - which suggests that their relationship is getting back on track. On that note, it occurs to me that he hasn’t been wearing his sunglasses for any of this scene, which had been firmly glued to his face right from the beginning of the minisode, even when he was alone of the top of a mountain. Whatever happened to cause the angry tension between our hero couple (if anything happened), I think the lack of eyewear would suggest that Crawley is already well on the way to forgetting about it by this point.

I find this blustering from Aziraphale interesting. He refuses to name Crawley as what he physically is, choosing to believe that because the demon’s intentions aren’t malign, his demon nature is simply a technicality. By that same logic, that would mean Aziraphale himself is only “technically” an angel, yet you never hear him refer to himself as such. Ultimately, his motives behind this are honourable, desperate as he is to believe that Crawley is still one of the Good guys, and I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that there’s a double standard being applied here - that’s one of the motifs we see being applied to Heaven throughout the show (“one rule for us, another rule for everyone else”). He’s right in the end of course (at least as far as Crawley’s intentions anyway).

He knows Crawley has absolutely no desire to kill children, despite the fact that the house is blazing around them. The demon told him he couldn’t kill kids, remember?

There’s something about this exchange that niggles at me. On the surface it seems like we’ve gone back to an angry Crawley, challenging Aziraphale on his character judgement. I think there’s maybe a bit more to it though. There is a vague suggestion of Crawley asking Aziraphale if he really trusts him here, even though it’s not explicitly stated. And that trust theme is something we see developing, chronologically, throughout the minisodes of this season. The Agreement is a long way off into the future (about 3500 years in the future in fact), but I find myself wondering if this challenge from Crawley is its first iteration, because I think this is actually him asking Aziraphale if he’s sure he wants to be part of the plot to save the children. If that’s the case, and the angel understands the subtext, it would explain why he makes his declaration of surety so assuredly. And look at him making way for Crawley to deliver his coup de grace, united with the demon, and sure of his decision:

Side note: I love the fact that everything in that room falls through the ceiling to the floor below completely intact, including the table which is already laden with a whole ox carcass. The only sign of anything being disturbed is the noise of a metal pot settling.

Aziraphale’s response to this latest turn of events reminds me of what we see from him when he embarks on his journey to Edinburgh.

He’s so contented - he’s turned the whole thing into a game. One with a trail of clues he had to work out to solve the mystery of how the evil demon could still be an angel underneath it all. And he’s figured it all out, even though he knew it all along anyway, which Crawley is clearly not thrilled about. There’s another layer going on here though I think, because (if I’ve got my chronology right), this is the first time the demon has “rescued” the angel from a perilous situation. Never mind that the perilous situation was created by the demon in the first place. Besides, that might have been part of the game for all we know because it’s only now that Aziraphale starts to give Crawley a bit of slack for him to actually use the cover he’s trying to create for himself. And hold on, what’s this?

Is that a wink? Certainly looks like one to me. He also starts to use collective pronouns from this point, suggesting that he, just like Crawley, is getting comfortable with this relationship again.

We get some miracle noises in the cellar to have a quick look at here, although they are somewhat obscured by the soundtrack. Brief tangent: I’m not sure there are any miracle noises to be heard in the scene a moment ago where Crawley sets fire to the house, with the exception of the last one he does, opening up the floor to the cellar. That one, which is even more difficult to make out that the lizard-transformations, sounds more like the ones we heard from Aziraphale’s miracle in the pub, with that swelling noise that gets used so often in epic soundtracks. If that was the case, that definitely points towards the noise relating to the mindset of the caster, because that one would either have been driven by need or by the caster having good moral intent. The sounds we hear on the cellar on the other hand; they sound more like the snakelike versions we heard from Crawley earlier, although there’s something about them that sounds less ominous than previously.

In the last point of this part of the write-up, I find it notable that Aziraphale doesn’t try to interfere with Crawley’s transforming of the children, even though it’s clear he disapproves.

Perhaps it’s because he realises he’s pushed Crawley too far already to chastise him further for showing his true colours. Maybe it’s because there’s not really any harm being done in his actions. Maybe it’s because the angel was as disgusted with Ennon and Keziahs’ attitudes as Crawley is. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because he’s actually pretty happy to be able to spend some time with the demon alone. I know which one of those theories I like the most.

This seems like as good a place as any to wrap up this part of the write-up, not least because we’re about to get to a pivotal moment of Aziraphale’s personal development and a fandom favourite in the relationship development, and I’ve already written far too many words on this tiny section to be normal. For now, and as always, questions, comments, discussion: always welcome and see you for the next one 😊