#pov: you get diagnosed with autism

[dimpletheheck]

Wait!

Take it.

TAKE IT.

((And a transparent version for you gays <3))

[theorahsart]

When any of my friends get diagnosed officially with autism, I watch them go gradually from one phase to the next regards Empathy.

The first phase is the: 'Oh, no, I don't have empathy, I can't interpret feelings very well you see. I always found it difficult, and now I know that I dont understand feelings very well' phase.

Which theyve been taught via the process of trying to get diagnosed. Its a topic used a lot to identify autism and used in many diagnosis tools.

Then eventually, once they've been diagnosed, and so have the freedom to fully explore themselves without holding up their differences through the lense of specific criterias needed to get a diagnosis, they start to go through the next phase:

'But it is kinda strange....because I do feel things a lot. And I understand other peoples feelings. In fact I feel like I feel emotions more intensely than other people. But I just get misinterpreted a lot, because its like we communicate differently...'

And then they get to that final conclusion:

'OH, I do have empathy. I have a lot of empathy. I recognise feelings very well. Its just that Im not speaking the NT language, and they aren't speaking mine. So Im in a world where the feelings get lost in translation'

I observe this a lot because from an outsider pov, its very easy to see that your friends have empathy and feelings, even if they've convinced themselves during the 'Im autistic' realisation that they dont. And Ive been through this myself, many years ago. You know you're different/autistic, and try to squeeze into the specifics set up for a diagnosis criteria originally made by NTs

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

I am personally 100% for a shitty self diagnosis.

A shitty self diagnosis is usually the predecessor to a fairly accurate self diagnosis.

For me, I didn't think I could possibly have autism because of the stereotypical traits listed (I first started researching in 2013 when most sources were based on children, and not relatable at all to a teenager). So I actually thought I must be bipolar! That was a shitty self diagnosis, but it then later on led to a self diagnosis of autism, which has now become a professional diagnosis of autism.

I honestly hate that there is any dislike to self diagnosis at all... to me it doesn't make sense. Unless you suspect something is "wrong" with you, it's very unlikely you'll just happen to end up in front a psychiatrist or psychologist getting diagnosed. And even if you do it's much less likely that they'll diagnose you with autism unless you have already self diagnosed it.

Lets say someone self diagnoses autism without learning much about it. They just saw a few tiktoks that resonated with them and they went for it.

Here's my thought process.

They are going to continue learning about autism, great!

This means if they don't have autism, they will likely become a lot more empathetic to people with autism. That's awesome!

If they do have autism, that's great too! Another correct self diagnosis, yippee! (This is the more likely outcome BTW! It's fairly uncommon for people to think they are autistic for no reason...)

Or the third outcome is, self diagnosing with autism wasn't correct, but it lead to a correct self diagnosis of ADHD or something else. Great for them!

Here's a second scenario. Someone does a shitty autism self diagnosis. They then see a bunch of posts and comments about how you need to really deeply and responsibly research autism for your self diagnosis to be valid. Or even a bunch of people directly comment that to them.

Then here's my thought process with that scenario.

The person is actually autistic but gets scared out of self diagnosing because they worry they can never research enough. They become indecisive and it takes them much much longer to be able to self diagnose because of fear and gate-keeping.

The person isn't autistic and feels discouraged from doing research towards any self diagnosis. They feel isolated and misunderstood. They get upset that they have been rejected by yet another community.

Now, listen. I know that for us autistic people it can feel like we are being attacked on all sides and that bad self diagnosis is just another way we are being misunderstood. But the thing is, from my POV, professional diagnosis is honestly not much better. At all. Doctors have trouble correctly diagnosing physical conditions, let alone mental ones. Most doctors I've been too couldn't even diagnose a rash. It's honestly sad how useless they can be sometimes.

A self diagnosis is key to finding your correct diagnosis also. Without self diagnosis many people won't have ANY diagnosis ever.

A lot of people with a shitty self diagnosis are also often teens. Lost, confused, misunderstood teenagers. And people who self-diagnose mental conditions are often neurodivergent in one way or another. Whether it be autism, ADHD, depression, we should be accepting them all the same. We are all fighting very similar fights.

Now for my big POV - we can't actually truly determine whether someone has an accurate self diagnosis. We are autistic people, but we can't diagnose other autistics. Pretending that we can is a dangerous game to play. Autism can present extremely differently person-to-person. It's important that we don't forget that.

Basically, I understand that it feel frustrating seeing so many people self diagnosis with autism without much research. But please, even if you disagree with me, at least remember to be KIND.

[rjthirsty]

To be Understood

Chevalier&Reader (First Person pov)

Words: 1172

Rating: G

This was done for @venulus Learning How to Love Myself challenge. Contains discussion of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).

“Chev?” I glanced up from my game to look over at Chevalier, who was sitting in a nearby, upholstered chair. He didn’t look up, but a gentle “hm” indicated he was listening to me. “Do you know what autism is?”

For some reason, his gloved fingers, which were just about to turn a page, paused and held touching the corner of the book he was reading.

“I’ve just been thinking about it.” I glanced away, staring at the frozen screen on my handheld as if the characters there would have some sort of encouraging words. “I was thinking about how when the kiddo was diagnosed, and when I started learning about it to help him cope and manage - how so many things started falling into place. And…” I trailed off, not even entirely sure I wanted to say the words myself.

“Say it.” Chev prompted. I blinked and snapped my head in his direction again, surprised to see his icy blue eyes trained on me. Somehow, I earned his full attention.

“Uh… Just… I can understand it, ya’ know?” I shrugged, unsure of my own thoughts. Who was I to diagnose conditions? My reading to be a support for my kiddo didn’t give me the medical know-how to start looking at myself. And what if I was wrong? Would it be fair of me to fit in a category that didn’t actually pertain to me?

“When I was 4, I have a vivid memory of sobbing for hours because I didn’t get to follow my typical routine of hugging my mother after she dropped me off at daycare. She was in a hurry, and before I put my coat in my cubby, she was gone.”

“I hate being interrupted in the middle of a task. It takes me forever to get back into the groove of things. I have to reread and find that headspace again.”

“After hanging out with friends, I feel like I’ve been at a concert for the last five hours. My ears are ringing, and everything is SO LOUD. I find it hard to think. I hate feeling like that, but yet I had fun. Does that even make sense?”

“The squeak of styrofoam makes me physically recoil. The scratch of certain fabrics or textures on my skin makes me violent, it’s not painful, it just makes my skin crawl and it claws at my brain and I just have to get away from it.”

“I can’t eat gummy or jelly-like things, did you know that?”

“Most have food preferences.” Chev interjected. Turning my head to look at him, he was still fully focused on me, and I felt a sense of relief that he was actually listening to me.

“Yeah, no, I get that. But… I get this weird thought like it’s not food even if I know it is while I’m eating it and I want to retch and that’s.. That’s weird, right? My fingers were always in my food as a kid. My mother complained a lot about me and my quirks. I’d pull everything apart into bite-sized pieces so I could be sure that whatever I was eating was edible. It’s silly, right?”

“I’m ridiculously set on following instructions as presented. Like rules and things. If it’s a rule, everyone should do the rule. If someone isn’t doing the rule, I want to remind them it’s a rule and that it would be appropriate to follow it. Why can’t they just follow the rule? It’s right there. Everyone was told it. Just do the rule, right?!”

“Mistakes should be corrected.” Chev agreed.

“Yeah! Exactly! I’m just trying to help them do the right thing! And not only that, but people tend to think I’m sarcastic when I’m not. I don’t know what it is, but something about just flat out telling someone my thoughts means I’m clearly being deceptive and mean about it. You know how that is. You don’t say anything unless it’s necessary, and while that isn’t a bad thing, it can make you seem harsh. At least I understand you there.”

Chevalier snorted and graced me with a smirk.

“Don’t deny it. If I were to ask you how I did after making something for you to eat, you’d give me an honest critique and offer suggestions on improvements, but keep your personal opinions on the matter to yourself. I didn’t ask how you felt about it, I asked how I did, so you’d be objective.”

Chev set his elbow in his open book, sitting on his lap, leaning forward to put his chin in his hand as he listened to me. “Indeed. That was what you asked of me in this hypothetical.”

“I just don’t get it.” I sighed. “I’ve been told my whole life that I’m difficult.”

Pursing my lips, I glanced downward again. I could feel the heat of tears rimming my eyes. “Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be just like everyone else. So that every day isn’t a struggle to understand and be understood. Have you ever wanted to be like everyone else?”

Chevalier was silent for several seconds. I could tell he was considering the question and running through his extensive memory to pinpoint any time he might have actually wanted to be different. “I have never desired to be like everyone else. I am who I am, and I have accepted that. However, to be understood without pointless struggle - I don’t believe that exists.”

“What?” My gaze cut to Chev. “Is that why you don’t talk to people?”

“It is a factor. It’s simply a waste of time in most of my dealings to manage the information and detail one would need to match my level of understanding.”

“So… you’re saying that no one understands you. But you’re a genius, so that makes sense.”

“My intellect isn’t the only factor that creates a divide between myself and others.”

I stared at him, trying to make sense of what he was giving me. Of course his intellect created a rift with anyone he interacted with, but he was saying he was fundamentally different than other people. Than people he tended to deal with.

Chev despised social functions, yet he attended because it was his responsibility to do so. He found creating relationships difficult, and fostering friendships tedious and unreasonable. He found people to be confounding and emotions to be incomprehensible and needless as they interfered with logical conclusions. Emotions were irrational, that’s why they were emotions.

My eyes moved to his gloved hands, and I had to wonder if there were textures he found himself repulsed by. I looked at his book and considered how we were always quietly spending time in the same room. No noise to overwhelm me. No stimulus besides what we chose for ourselves, him reading his book and me playing my game.

“Oh,” I uttered, finally understanding. “You’re like me.”

[yawpyawp]

autism non-diagnosis venting

honestly i’m really devastated to hear this test guy say it’s JUST adhd + depression and not also autism because i’m ALREADY BEING TREATED FOR ADHD/DEPRESSION AND THE TREATMENT ISNT WORKING? LIKE I GET WORSE WITH TIME :(

(also it's like,,,statistically unusual to NOT have ASD in my family)

he was like "conclusively i think you don't have autism bc all of ur autistic traits show up as sub-clinical when it comes to A. attention span, B. social skills, and C. neuroplasticity"

(despite the fact that i am A. diagnosed ADHD, B. a formerly high-masking AFAB person who is captivated by the mysteries of socialization/communication, C. a designer who actively practices flexible thinking every day)

and the clinician basically was like “i literally don’t have anything else to suggest to you but to keep trying the same things u have already been doing”

i’ve literally been doing these treatments since i was 19 (i'm 32!!!) and i have gotten WORSE. i've done HUNDREDS of hours of the kind of therapy the clinician suggested i do as a next step, like HUNDREDS of hours of CBT

and then he was like 'this looks like u just have adhd + trauma' ('the car crash when u were 5 is why u have sensory problems and u can't have close relationships') BUT I HAVE DONE HUNDREDS OF HOURS OF THERAPY TRYING TO ASSESS THIS AND THE THERAPY SUGGESTED I DON'T HAVE ACCUTE TRAUMA!!! i literally did MONTHS of group therapy IN A TRAUMA GROUP!!!! and the conclusion was that THAT is not my experience!!!!!

(to be fair i have also experienced HEAD TRAUMA cuz i had two concussions as a kid lol so i guess early childhood TBI is another route to explore lol because my other next step is TMS and i don't wanna do the brain magnets)

but basically i feel like i'm just going in circles

i literally don't know where to go from here???? like i just have to keep feeling like this???

i feel like i learned NOTHING in this process other than i’m not trying hard enough to function and i want to literally unalive myself lololo i'm literally fucking DONE i am bringing back the diagrams

ANYWAY i asked this guy follow up questions for 1.5 hrs (we were scheduled for 45 mins) and based on his reaction to my questions i feel like i was LAWYERING him by asking critical questions about how he arrived at his conclusions. like after i literally googled "am i a psychopath?" and took one of those online quizzes because i was like 'wow dod i go too hard on trying to get this expert to bend to MY pov?'

[thatdisasterauthor]

Meet the Characters: Conifer

Conifer! Like the other counselors at the camp, Conifer does not use her real name but a nature themed nickname. Conifer is the POV character of the novel.

Conifer had a really interesting evolution as a character because, when I originally wrote the book, I was only vaguely aware of the fact that I probably had some level of ADHD. But by the time I got around to editing it to fully release, I had figured out a lot more about myself including the fact that while I do have ADHD, I'm probably also on the autism spectrum. When I started editing I realized I'd given Conifer a lot of autistic traits that I just hadn't recognized as such at the time. So in that last round of major edits I decided to really lean into it and flesh those traits out.

Conifer's autism is no longer just implied, it is directly on page and discussed. Her choice to self-diagnose is also discussed on page, and her friends are there for her the whole way as the world flips on its head and dumps a ton of new weight on her shoulders in the process.

And I know some people might get grumpy about her being aroace AND autistic but hey, guess what? That's me. Yeah, it can be a bad stereotype. But it's also me. I am all three of those things, so I'm gonna put it in my book.

Here's a little Conifer snippet from the book:

“I miss TikTok,” Tabatha said. She was sprawled out in the dirt and sawdust, looking up at the murky sky. “What’s TikTok?” Conifer asked. Everyone slowly turned to look at her, looking flabbergasted. Even Tabatha raised her head off the ground in what seemed like an uncomfortable position just to be able to see Conifer. “What?” Conifer said, glancing around. “I’m guessing it’s some social media site? I’ve just never heard of it.” “You know…” Marauder said, head tilted, “usually, when people are chronically online, they’re told to go outside and touch grass. You, however, need to go inside and watch a movie or something. A recent movie.”

Back the Kickstarter here!

[everythingwasnormalhere]

🧸🏳️‍🌈♿📈 and uhh "how do their family/friends react to it" once I forgot the emoji for- for kenny and uhh maybe Craig and also maybe twerk? (That is if u hc either of them as disabled In any way)

I hc literally everyone as disabled, so you're getting answers for all 3 >:3

Kenny:

♿️ - What is their disability/disabilities? What are the symptoms that they show?

Besides his chronic pain i wont stop talking about, he has AuDHD, depression, MaDD and C-PTSD ✨

His C-PTSD symtoms didn't show much until adulthood (late 20s-early 30s), because that was when his brain processed the environment as safe and stopped being in permanent survival mode. However, the symptoms of everything else have showed since he was Really young, his MaDD was at its worst when he was around 12 (iykyk) and got better since he left south park, mainly after he started therapy (took him long enough smh)

📈 - What age was their disability formed, or became apparent, at?

The first time one of his deaths still hurt after the fact was on s3 e1, after Kelly revived him. However, he didn't give it much thought, thinking it was just what getting killed by lightning was like. Then it was kind of like a roulette whether it'd hurt or not, but even when it did it was incredibly easy to ignore - until his teens, when he died so often (more on purpose than not) it quickened the effects a lot

🦮 - Do they have supportive friends and/or family? How do they help on bad days? (i think you meant this one)

Yeah, he does! His friends are generally supportive, even cartman after he gets over his assholery. His siblings too :) stuart however is an asshole, and even though kenny went NC with carol i feel like she'd be quite supportive idk. And about how they help on bad days, cuddles from butters mostly do the trick XD if butters isn't there though, more often than not will someone at the very least pay attention to him, either helping out by getting him stuff (food etc) or doing something to keep him entertained (talking, board games, depends on how hes feeling tbh)

🧸- Do they have a comfort item?

He used to have his orange parka, but since karen inherited he doesn't have it anymore, so i would say he doesn't really have any comfort items? Unless we count the mimikyu plush, but idk if that would really qualify as a comfort item much, other than making him think of butters whenever he sees it :)

🏳️‍🌈 - A random headcanon about them and their disability

-He diagnosed craig's autism way before any professional did, but he thought craig was aware of it so he didn't say anything 💀 (he has the strongest autismdar ever) -Most of his daydreams are similar to the stuff he thought in the cheesing episode in some way or another -He used to deal with flashbacks by going on normally with his life, to the point nobody but his friends could ever tell he was going through The Horrors - however as his PTSD worsened he couldn't do that anymore

Craig:

♿️ - What is their disability/disabilities? What are the symptoms that they show?

Autism, it's painfully obvious yet he wasn't diagnosed till he was 15 😭

📈 - What age was their disability formed, or became apparent, at?

From kenny's pov, ever since craig was born 💀 but most people in his life didn't see it as disabling until it began messing with his studies in his teens

🦮 - Do they have supportive friends and/or family? How do they help on bad days?

YUP!!! His parents didn't think it was autism at first, "no everyone does that", surprise all the Tucker's are autistic XD They were a bit confused at first, not knowing what to do, but they were still super supportive about it :) Tricia was as much of a dick to him as usual so nothing new on her side lmao, and his friends were cool about it as soon as they learnt about his diagnosis (cue teasing from kenny and jimmy for thinking he was neurotipical smh, nah craig sry but you stuck with the nds 💀). Also, TWEEK, boy is so loud and that makes him feel so guilty because of how it overwhelms craig ;w; he was the first person who knew craig got diagnosed besides his family, and he did his best to accomodate him as much as he needed :3

🧸- Do they have a comfort item?

Not comforting autism-wise but comforting regardless, the shit ton of (accurate to constellations) glow in the dark stars in his bedroom, he cannot sleep without them. He also has a tiny alien plush keychain he found at Tweek's house and Tweek insisted he should keep it (neither of them know where it came from 💀), so that's another thing :)

🏳️‍🌈 - A random headcanon about them and their disability

-After the diagnosis he refused to leave his room for weeks because he didn't know how to cope with it, and nobody besides his family and tweek were allowed to come in during that period - in the end though, with their help he accepted it -Something I've mentioned a couple times already but is hilarious to me: he didn't talk until he was four (how did it take him so long to get diagnosed), and his first words were a "cállate pendejo" directed at cartman 😭

Tweek:

♿️ - What is their disability/disabilities? What are the symptoms that they show?

Tourettes, anxiety, schizophrenia and PPD - most of these were at the very least influenced by the whole meth in coffee thing

📈 - What age was their disability formed, or became apparent, at?

He gave symptoms of all these since he was really young, besides PPD, which only became obvious almost as soon as he left his house

🦮 - Do they have supportive friends and/or family? How do they help on bad days?

Family? Haha ok next question--- About his friends though, they do their best to help him with it. Most times during the worst days he can only stand Craig's company, who will listen to him and try to help him feel safe, however normally he's ok enough to be with others just fine. He gets accomodations at college and later at work too, like being allowed to stay home some days or to leave early

🧸- Do they have a comfort item?

YES YES YES !!! Storytime, after craig and tweek dated for three years, craig's anniversary gift was a green stuffed stegosaurus (since tweek was fixated on dinosaurs back then), which tweek named peanuts :) Peanuts became the way tweek would deal with any anxiety attacks, but he tugged at him so hard he broke - however, laura patched peanuts up for tweek (after craig quite literally begged her to, she would've done it anyway but he did anyway) Then, when they moved out, peanuts disappeared :( until the tuckers found him under craig's bed, who knows how he ended up there XD SO tweek's comfort item is the oldest most used up cutest little stego ever :3 (also does having a room full of spiders count as a comfort item? idk but he does cuz he loves spiders, craig despises that room with his whole soul poor boy hates spiders so much 😭)

🏳️‍🌈 - A random headcanon about them and their disability

Went NC with his parents as soon as he could!!! He also stopped drinking their coffee in his early teens, but because he (and everyone tbh) thought what messed up his health was the caffeine not the meth - he didn't find out about the fact he was being drugged until he was told the "secret family recipe" when he turned 18 (and, understandably, he was PISSED)

[scourgepaws]

so. i'm thinking about for true story from the sa2 soundtrack again

when i first played sa2 as a kid twenty years ago i never understood the layers of this song, i just thought it was a banger for the sonic/shadow fight at the end of hero and dark story (which it is a banger to be fair) but as an adult i've been replaying it and realized just how perfect this song is, down to the song's structure itself and the lyrics. let me overanalyze it for a minute

the title itself. For True Story... for Sonic vs. Shadow. it's because the player has to do both of these fights to unlock the true story!! they have to face against each other to get to the truth and get real answers!!

the funky bassline is reminiscent of shadow, controlled and strict. it's also reminding me of him gliding across the ground with his air shoes, it has a more smooth and flowing feeling

the melody above that is fast and sudden, very reminiscent of sonic and his impulsive actions/feelings as well as evoking the feeling of sonic actually running. sonic has to actually propel himself using his own feet compared to shadow gliding, so the footsteps are faster and clustered together

combined together, it gives a feeling of sonic and shadow combined – running alongside each other even... Maybe even on the way to the cannon's core perhaps hmm...

it's been established for a long time now that the lyrics are from shadow's pov. let's look at them

"Stars don't twinkle

The moon doesn't shine

Birds don't sing

The wind doesn't blow

To the pure body

To the perfect existence

I'm shivering with cold

I struggle against despair"

these lyrics repeat themselves multiple times throughout the song but that's all of them. there's so much going on here let's unpack it

at this point in the story, every single thing shadow has ever known is collapsing. he was led to believe by gerald that maria wanted him to destroy the world in revenge, to make everyone suffer for what happened to her. thanks to sonic (and amy specifically really), he has discovered that what he has known isn't the case: maria wanted him to protect the planet, not destroy it, and everything he has known has been a lie.

there's many ways to interpret the lyrics but i interpret them using this angle. he is saying to himself what he was led to know: stars don't twinkle, the moon doesn't shine. birds don't sing, the wind doesn't blow. he was led to not have hope in anything, to not treasure the earth for what it is. his only goal was to destroy it all.

now people are telling him that isn't the case? now that he knows the earth is special, and maria's wish was for him to protect it?

this feeling is hard to understand for anyone who hasn't directly gone through it but having your entire belief system and worldview be ripped out from underneath you, even if it is for the better, is incredibly difficult to come to terms with. so him repeating these things to himself? he's trying to reassure himself with what he knows, because familiarity is comforting. (i also headcanon shadow as autistic because i am diagnosed with autism and i said so lol so do with that what you will)

these are also a reference to the circumstances happening around them at this moment: as they're racing to the core, they're in space. so no birds are singing, there is no wind. the moon also doesn't shine because eggman blew half of it up in the 24 hours previous.

but what makes these lyrics so compelling is that when he is reminding himself of these things, there are direct contradictions happening to it in the song: "the birds don't sing" yet there are birds chirping! it's such a tiny touch but it's so important! why? because it shows that everything around shadow is contradicting this inner monologue that he created for himself. he's so convinced that the birds aren't singing but they're chirping all around him! he's so convinced that he has to destroy the earth but maria actually wanted him to protect it!

aaaaaAAAAAAA it's such good storytelling through music oh my god

and now to the next part about the pure body/perfect existence:

shadow, as the ultimate lifeform, is perfect. he is the embodiment of perfection: highly skilled in combat, talented with logic, and immortal. he has the perfect pure body – one that can never die. but the perfect existence, however, is not him, but sonic himself. just as shadow mentions in the finalhazard fight ("i figured out who the true ultimate lifeform is – it's you!"), sonic is seen as the perfect existence. so, shadow as the pure body, and sonic as the perfect existence. them colliding, yet again. perfect for the battle against each other.

this song is so fucking good!!!

and lastly, the final part with shivering with cold/struggling against despair:

the first part of this could very much be seen as literal: space is cold, and they are in space. however i am overanalyzing this so my true thoughts? he's cold because it's one of the first times where shadow is truly present in his body and not dissociating. i'm diagnosed with a dissociative disorder so i make da rules.... he is perfect, he is the ultimate lifeform, he should be able to regulate himself and his body temperature just fine right? well how can he regulate himself when he's so disconnected from his own body? of course he's going to be cold, because he's been dissociated to hell and back and this is the first time where he isn't, so he's feeling all of the sensations around him that he's never had to feel before. i love my traumatized hedgehog!

and the last lyric, of struggling against despair... that is very obvious in many aspects. shadow is struggling against the despair of his entire life. he's struggling against the despair of having everything he knew and built ripped away from him. he's struggling with the despair of knowing maria is gone and will never come back.

so my Final thoughts...........

for true story is such a banger song with so many layers, and i love sa2 so much it is my favorite game of all time and has been for twenty years now aaa!! and i love shadow and sonadow!!

[mermaidsirennikita]

any recs with disabled heroines? Even with any scarring? I think I’ve read only a few both Lyndsay Sands and Cristina Dodd had a blind heroine (sands she’s not completely blind) and for scarring there Again the Magic (ult fav) and some Highlander book by Maya Banks. I was wondering if you knew anymore? We get varying heroes (though “plus sized” heroes are never written 😭) but never heroines.

You know what dude, this is a really good point. Why don't we see as many disabled heroines indeed. Lol I've never read a canonically bipolar heroine, fwiw.

(The answer is Bad.)

So, recs I have:

Charissa Weaks's excellent Witchwalker series, starting with The Witch Collector. There are several POVs and couples, but the MAIN MAIN heroine, Raina, does not speak with her voice. She was born that way, she speaks with sign language (the author, I believe, has a personal connection to sign at least) and it's a big part of the series, actually. I really like it, and one of the things that makes her have an initial connection with the hero, who she hates because of who he is, is that he can speak her specific sign language. So she knows someone she knows taught him.

The heroine of A Holly Jolly Ever After by Sierra Simone and Julie Murphy has narcolepsy, which, among other things, has helped her parents have this kind of like... suppressive, really rough control over her. And the book is about her breaking out of that!

The Convenient Engagement by Emily K. Murdoch wasn't for me, but not because it was bad... The heroine in that book only has one hand. I believe she was born without the other.

The heroine of Lorraine Heath's The Outlaw and The Lady is blind. It's hugely plot important, actually. This book definitely has a very dated plot point, I will say, that I think was very well-intentioned for the time lmao but.... EEEEEEH. It's one of those books where I'm like, "Damn, this is well-written, but this one thing makes me not recommend it often". But otherwise it was very good.

Dearest Rogue by Elizabeth Hoyt has Phoebe, who is blind. Truly an excellent book, and if you read Maiden Lane you see Phoebe several times before her own book, and you see her progressive vision loss until she's where she is in this novel.

Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert has a heroine who suffers from chronic pain. It's kept her from getting out there, until she's finally like "fuck it" and enlists her hot neighbor to help her.

The heroine of Kennedy Ryan's Reel has lupus, which I'm pretty sure she gets diagnosed with over the course of the book. It's pretty emotional, and I felt like it was handled well (as someone who doesn't have lupus, to be clear).

Highlander Most Wanted by Maya Banks (not the one you mentioned above lol, which is Never Seduce a Scot) has a scarred heroine. How she got her scar is very traumatic, so TWs all over for SA, but this was a really good hurt/comfort romance.

The Duke Redemption by Grace Callaway has a scarred heroine (it's a gender-flipped Beauty and the Beast book) but I'm not gonna lie... I get it... BUT HER SCAR DOESN'T SOUND THAT BAD LMAO

In terms of more chronic illness/federally recognized disability (in the US) content, the heroine of Love, Theoretically by Ali Hazelwood has diabetes, which is plot important.

Neurodivergent heroines:

Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner has two heroines, one with ADHD and one with (as we later find out) autism.

Never Met a Duke Like You by Amalie Howard is a historical romance with a heroine who has ADHD, I think...? But it's not recognized in the moment, obvi. I THINK. It might've been the hero. I know it's one of them. Now I'm self-doubting.

A Jingle Bell Mingle by Sierra Simone and Julie Murphy has a heroine with ADHD.

Act Your Age, Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert has an autistic heroine and an autistic hero.

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang has an autistic heroine.

Hyacinth by S.M. LaViolette has a neurodivergent heroine who I BELIEVE is meant to be read as having autism (this is a historical and a favorite of mine).

Two Wrongs Make a Right by Chloe Liese. A contemporary Much Ado About Nothing retelling with a heroine on the spectrum. (The hero might be too, actually.)

[olderthannetfic]

Hi there! I hope you're having a nice day.

Little bit of a rant and a bid for advice, if you or your readers have any. I hope that's alright.

I'm currently writing a fic or maybe multiple fics (plot bunnies be running rampant in me brains) about a rarepair of two guys. I'm a bi woman and have basically zero social skills, so in order to properly understand other people's body language, I like to look up guides or articles about body language between two people, although I know those things are full of bullshit and don't mean anything, and it's hard to find articles for example about whether another woman's body language indicates interest in you if you're a woman yourself, but eh, they're still better than my brain which is usually like "eh, could mean this or that or this or that or this or that or- basically could be anything, I wouldn't know that lol, now I'm tired and will shut off, bye" aka useless as well.

The results I've found have been absolutely useless. I like writing characters in a slightly plausible-sounding way, so I like incorporating body language as in acting choices or subconscious body language (or whatever a proper term might be) in my writing to make it sound more in-character. So for stuff like this, I usually just think "ok what is that person's expression and if I do it, what would that indicate me to be feeling currently", and I don't know if other people do that or if that's just me being bad with social stuff and intuition about it again, and if I should really try to get re-evaluated for autism which I have been advised to think about doing multiple times in multiple direct and indirect implicative ways such as people being like "hey btw are you autistic? no? you sure?" or "I know you got a negative diagnosis as a kid, but maybe that was wrong and you might wanna do it again because of all your social struggles and sensory stuff etc.", heh. (Have been diagnosed with ADHD though, so that might also just be it.)

Sorry for the rambling. English isn't my first language, so if anything sounds strange, that's to blame.

My question or rather bid for advice is: I am wondering if you or your readers might have any advice on where to find resources for reading body language and romantic or sexual implications in body language between two parties, in this case between two guys.

(Hopefully this is not too nonsensical or insensitive or something like that because that's not my intention. I just really don't know how to human or if there actually is some difference on how different people of different genders flirt consciously or subconsciously or if that's some weird unnoticed transphobic bio-essentialism shit that I hadn't yet noticed and sorted out of my head because I don't want to be transphobic since that sucks.)

--

Weeell...

If people have links to guides, that's great, but I do think that in the context of fanfic, people often write flirting that they find sexy or they write whatever the canon style of interaction is and recontextualize it as how these particular guys flirt.

They're not usually thinking "What does flirting look like in general?" and then having the characters behave in a new way.

A lot of our interpretation of body language in written fiction has to do with information we get from the POV character about how they're feeling internally. For the non-POV character, we may have the POV character's thoughts on what the body language means, but we're generally interpreting it based on media cliches and based on knowing this is a ship fic.

So the other dude acts like he doesn't like our POV dude and the POV dude is like "Alas, my pining is unrequited!" and the audience goes "Ooooh, it's one of those fics!"

If the goal is writing certain types of fic, you may not need a guide to How People Really Act as much as one to How Fans Interpret Such and Such a Behavior from Canon as Subtext.

[thepringlesofblood]

How often do you apologize to/talk to inanimate objects, and are you autistic?

Examples of this phenomenon*:

accidentally kicking a table leg and saying "sorry" to the table leg,

seeing a box fall off a shelf and saying "oh no! are you ok?"

squeezing a water bottle tighter than you meant to and going "oh sorry water bottle I didn't mean to do that"

apologizing to a broken mug for throwing it away

putting a stuffed animal in your backpack and apologizing for the tight quarters/uncomfortable position/claustrophobia

seeing a lone onion at the grocery store and putting it with its brethren so it's less lonely and saying "there you go buddy" or "let's get you back to your friends"

feeling bad for clothes you don't wear anymore and apologizing to them for donating them/repurposing the fabric

apologizing to a plant for not watering it enough

apologizing to a sculpture/art piece for letting it get dusty

apologizing to an easily fixable thing for not fixing it for a while because you keep forgetting

clarifications:

non-professional/non-official autism diagnoses are valid. a lot of professionals out there suck.

"I apologize to inanimate objects but only if I mistake them for people/animals" - this doesn't count, bc from your POV you're apologizing to a person/animal, not an inanimate object.

e.g. if you kick a table leg, think it's a dog, apologize to the dog, then realize it's a table leg, that's different from kicking a table leg and apologizing to the table leg.

I wanted to make "sometimes" and "only for certain things" separate options bc if you only do this with certain things but have a lot of that thing you probably do it all the time but then i'd have to either get rid of the "other"/"see results" options or get rid of the "neurodivergent, but not autistic" options and I didn't want to do either of those things.

i'm not really talking about like. rubber duck coding style talking to an object like it's a person for a specific reason or with a specific purpose. im mostly talking about random little sayings. but also if you feel like that applies go for it. maybe you apologize to your rubber duck for talking its ear [do ducks have ears?] off.

*[all of these are things either me or my mom have done, there is no shame in feeling strong emotions about inanimate objects. there is a disposable plastic coffee cup i've kept for 4 years bc the barista drew mothman smoking a joint on it and i'd feel extremely guilty throwing it out.]

[theorahsart]

Would you happen to be able to compile a list of all the evidence/mentioned traits you know of that point towards Robespierre having autism, possibly with some sources of said evidence? You have my deepest gratitude if you do happen to be so kind as to take the time to answer this ask.

Hello! I'm sorry for taking a while to answer this- it of course was the kind of ask that requires some time to write! I'm gonna break it up into two posts, I hope that's okay. I'll just @ you when I do the next part.

I feel like I should start with saying that I'm not an expert in history (feel like I have loads to learn tbh). But I am an expert in autism, as I'm autistic, and know the topic thoroughly from cultural/social/medical perspectives- several of my educational comics are used in training programs by doctors and diagnoticians. So, you can trust everything I say about autism in this post.

You probably can't trust everything I say about Robespierre though lol. Compared to some actual historians I've talked to here, I haven't developed the skills of being able to discern when the info I get in books can be fully trusted, and the more I study Frev the more evident it is that just because I've read smth in a book, doesn't mean it can be trusted as fact haha. I've read 3 different posts from different historians in the last year that've debunked several 'facts' presented to me in published books loool

But anyway! I still personally think Robespierre was autistic, and I'll lay out why in the 2nd post.

I think it would take me more free time than I have to list *all* the evidence I've come across, so it seems best to break down how you diagnose autism in modern day, and then put that in context to some examples.

So this first part is just explaining *one way* in which medical professionals break down autism and the traits. Then in the next post I'll explain how I've applied those to Robespierre specifically.

How we think about and diagnose autism from modern day pov

I wanna start by breaking down how diagnoticians think about Autism specifically.

Autism doesn't encompass a specific set of traits that every single person must have in order to be diagnosed, because autistic traits vary so much from person to person.

Instead, you break down a diagnosis into different areas of life in which someone might be struggling. How this is broken down can vary a little between tests, but it's generally split into these areas:

Social

Social reciprocity (how sociable you are with others)

Non verbal comminication

Verbal communication

Maintaining relationships

Restrictive and Repetitive behaviour

Repetitive speech or movements (basically stimming)

Routines and change

Highly fixed/intense interests

Hyper or hypo reaction to sensory input

And then basically, if enough of these areas are having a significant impact on your life, you're dx'd as Autistic.

You can see when broken down in this way, that:

You can be doing fine in some of these areas, but still be dx'd if there's a lot of other areas listed you're struggling in.

A NT person will likely have some sort of trouble in one or two of the listed areas (because we all have strengths and weaknesses). That doesn't mean they're autistic.

An autism dx is concluded from two things- if you struggle in more of these areas than less. And if those struggles are significantly impacting your life.

Just to note, I'm only talking from a diagnosis pov here, which is wrapped up in cultural contexts and the reasons we decided to give this way of being a label. Theres lots of traits we can also break down that aren't based around what you find difficult.

You could be autistic and go your whole life not knowing or needing a diagnosis, if say, you lived a lifestyle where you could avoid people and situations that are making you suffer. Your autism might make you excel in life, depending on your life.

But just esp in modern day, many of us dont have that luxury.

I'm using this type of dx in the context of Robespierre because I believe he did have difficulties that impacted his life and career, and it's significant to me to compare his behaviour and health to other politicians working in the same stressful circumstances.

But yeah I'll write this in a second post. Thanks for your patience!! 🙏

[redgoldsparks]

May Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon.

Boys Run The Riot vol 2 by Keito Gaku

I really wanted to like this series, but unfortunately, I don't. The pacing feels rushed, the characters aren't very realistic and burst out into outsized emotional reactions that don't feel earned, and at the end of this volume the trans character is outed against his will on a youtube channel with a million followers. I'm going to have to give up on this story. 

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price

This book is short, accessible and very informative! Price is trans and autistic, and was only diagnosed later in life. He blends narrative of his own lived experience with many interviews and thorough research. This book encourages compassion, self-knowledge, community building, and unmasking- the process of shedding the habits many autistic people employ to hide or mask their autistic traits. As a queer person pondering my own potential place on the autism spectrum, this book was an excellent introduction and gave me a lot of food for thought!

Thick as Thieves by Megan Whelan Turner read by Steve West

These books continue to delight! This deep into the series, I don't want to summarize the plot, as one of the pleasures of this series is how each book has built on the previous ones. The volatile political machinations between the the three peninsula countries of Eddis, Attolia, Sounis and the Mede Empire grow increasingly complex. Eugenides continues to make moves that appear petty and childish, whose deeper purpose is only revealed much later. I continue to be amazed at the character arcs, both of new characters and returning favorites. Read these books! I can't recommend them highly enough!

White Cat, Black Dog by Kelly Link

Another magical short story collection from Kelly Link! These stories are more directly inspired by existing fairy tales than Link's other work, but each one has been moved into the modern day, and generally changed so much as to be only loosely recognizable. A Game of Smash and Recovery, inspired by Hansel and Gretel, does feature a brother and sister; but they have been stranded on a foreign moon by their space-traveling parents, and live by scavenging supplies from vast warehouses left behind by previous inhabitants, while evading the vampires which flutter around the edges of their downed spacecraft. As the younger sister gets older, she comes closer and closer to a realization that neither she nor her brother nor their parents are who she thinks they are. The Lady and the Fox, based on Tamlin, does involve a young woman clutching her beloved to her chest through a series of painful magical transformations, but the woman is a charity case goddaughter of a rich actress who's family hosts ridiculously elaborate Christmas parties in their family mansion. Skinder's Veil, loosely Snow-White and Rose Red, does contain two nearly identical sisters, but the main character is a grad student struggling to finish his thesis who takes on a house-sitting job in a cabin in Vermont that might be visited by immortals. And so on and so on, Link weaves her threads. This one didn't unseat Get in Trouble as my favorite Link collection, but I enjoyed it very much. 

Return of The Thief by Megan Whelan Turner read by Steve West

Once again, Turner introduces a new POV character, and once again she knocks a complicated, emotional, satisfying tale of historical fantasy out of the park! I can't get over the fact that this six book series book the author over 20 years to write, and yet is so internally consistent, it feels as if she knew from the very beginning exactly how to she wanted everything to go. This series is technically YA, but the majority of the characters are adults; it was started in the era before YA existed as the genre we know it now. If you are a fan of any Tamora Pierce books, or Steven Brust's Jhereg series, or Katherine Addison's The Goblin Emperor, I think you'd like these too. 

Different for Boys by Patrick Ness illustrated by Tea Bendix

This illustrated book tells an impressively nuanced story in a very short space. The narrator, Ant, ponders the meaning of virginity as a high school boy questioning his own sexuality. Ant and his best friend from childhood, Charlie, regularly mess around with each other, performing sexual acts which are blacked out in the text. The characters themselves are aware of this textual censorship and comment on it, adding a level of meta to this already nonlinear and nontraditional narrative. Charlie is sweet in private but vocally homophobic in school, hurling insults at another mutual friend, Jack, who isn't publicly out but is read as queer by his peers. Ant struggles with how much, or when, to step in and defend Jack without outing his and Charlie's secret relationship. The story has an open but hopeful ending, and its questions and unresolved aspects feel deeply true. 

Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke

Told entirely in slack messages, this nontraditional novel unfolds the minor and major dramas of a public relations firm with a speculative twist. The main character, Gerald, has accidentally uploaded his consciousness into the slack app and is unsure what is happening to the body he left behind. The slackbot is becoming increasingly sentient as he sends it help query after help query. His co-workers think this is an elaborate ruse to take advantage of their company's lax work from home policies during a particularly snowy New York winter. Meanwhile, his coworker Lydia is being haunted by spectral howling, Tripp is regularly the only man in the on-site office and keeps leaving the heating on overnight, Deepu is feeling left out of office in jokes and Doug, their boss, is convinced that someone is sabotaging his office furniture. This story is snappy, queer, and never gets bogged down by what could have been a gimmicky premise. It took me one Saturday afternoon to read! 

The Thief by Megan Whelan Turner read by Steve West

After finishing this whole 6 book series I went back to re-read book one and it is DELICIOUS to catch all of the hints and foreshadowing once you know how the story ends. Here’s the review I wrote after my first read in 2018:

This book was DELIGHTFUL. Set in a fantasy Mediterranean Renaissance world, the prose is simple and the initial plot set up is uncomplicated. Gen is a master level thief who made a mistake and ended up in the King's prison in Sounis. After months of imprisonment he is summoned by the Magnus, the King's most trusted adviser, who threatens Gen into joining a covert mission. A small party (the magus, the thief, one soldier and two of the magus' students) will sneak into the neighboring country of Attolia, in search of a powerful and ancient artifact. But every member of the party is intentionally or unintentionally carrying secrets, and in the end few of them are who they appear to be. I already feel like I've said too much. Go and read this book to find out the rest!

Hungry Ghost by Victoria Ying

I'm refraining from giving this book a star rating because I feel genuinely unqualified to rate its effectiveness. This story deals with two very heavy topics- a character struggling with an eating disorder and grief after the death of a parent- which I have no experience with. The book portrays the main character binging and purging, which could potentially be very triggering for some readers in ED recovery, but could also be extremely cathartic to those who haven't seen their experiences reflected before. That's really going to depend on the reader. What I can say is that the art is very beautiful, I enjoyed the limited color palette, and I hope this book finds the readers who need it.

Freestyle by Gale Galligan

Eighth grader Cory is part of a tight friend group of dancers who practice every weekend. It's their last year of middle school and they want to make the most of this year- and hopefully win the annual winter Bronx Dance Battle! Unfortunately, Cory's parents aren't thrilled with his grades, and they hire a tutor three afternoons a week after school, cutting into his free time with his friend crew. Worse yet, his tutor turns out to be the best student in his grade, a girl named Sunna who he immediately clashes with. But then Cory realizes that Sunna also as a secret talent: she can throw a yo-yo like no one he's ever seen. The art in this book is fantastic, colorful and energetic, with beautiful panels capturing the movement of dance, running, yo-yo tricks, and physical humor. I had to set aside a little bit of disbelief that any eighth graders might be this motivated and organized; I've also seen a couple minor critics of the way Sunna, a hijab wearing Muslim character, was portrayed as attending a school dance and spending time tutoring Cory in his bedroom with the door closed. However, the overall tone of this book is so joyful, positive, warmhearted, and well-intentioned that I'd still absolutely recommend it. 

Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky

I am not a very active reader of poetry, but this collection contains one of the poems I think about possibly more than any other: "We Lived Happily during the War." I first read it in the New Yorker magazine sometime before 2017, though I don't remember exactly when. I saw the poem circulating the internet again when Russian began to invade Ukraine. Kaminsky was born in the former Soviet Union, and the majority of the poems in this collection unfold a story of an Eastern European town occupied by enemy soldiers. Reoccurring characters tell of the violence and tragedy of this occupation: a newly married couple expecting a child, the owner of a puppetry theater, a young deaf child killed by soldiers, neighbors who defend and betray each other. Read it almost like a poetic play in two acts, relevant to our times. 

[van-yangyin]

Ryuuya Kitta 1 ~ Introducing my family (I really don't know what title to put here 😕) - IcarRyuu [Ryuuya's POV]

Hello everyone… I don't know how these things work so…. I'm Ryuuya Kitta, nice to meet you all. Today, I'll start by introducing you to my family, my daddy Ryuu (瑠), my papa Tatsu (健) and my mommy Mikoto (光言). Almost all the pictures I'll share around here are made by me, if the quality is bad, especially when I was little and used analog cameras (specifically polaroids), you can't complain, I didn't know nor know how to make it better…. And it's not that I can change their quality, because are already made… who knows is my boy friend Icaro. I will indicate who is the author of the photograph, in the ones that aren't made by me.

I'll start by introducing myself, I'm Kitta Ryuuya (吉田竜矢), you can call me Ryuuya, I would tell you to call me Ryuu but better not, otherwise you want my father to think you call him. Well, unless you don't meet him, if you don't meet him, then you can call me Ryuu. My best friend Icaro sometimes calls me Ryuu-chan, although that's what my parents also call me… Unless they get mad at me because then they call me by my last name and first name, like all parents do when they get mad, I guess. Although I'm sure it's not necessary to point out that your parents won't call you by my last name and my first name, but by yours?

It always happens the same to me, why I start writing about something as simple as my first and last name and at the end I end up talking about what my parents call me and how parents call their children when they scold them? I hope that doesn't bore you because it's something that happens to me quite often.

Oh, that's right… I'll mention it now so I don't forget later and place it somewhere that it doesn't look well integrated. When I take photos I usually put a warm filter afterwards, because the ones I take look like are lifeless. By the way in the second picture I tried to get my best smile, it's not something I'm very good at…. I just wanted to clarify it, in case you find it weird. Also, English isn't my native language, so please be patient with it, and if I've written something really wrong let me know! I really like to learn and improve day by day.

I was born in Suita, in Osaka prefecture, Japan (rightmost part of the Komorebi area), as you can see, above I've put a photo to familiarize you a little bit with the place… Or at least with the concept of the place…. (although it's actually a photo of my old house, taken by me at the age of 7 or 8 before I moved to another place, that's why it looks so busy). At the age of 6, when my mother died, after a couple of years passed, my parents officially declared to the world that they loved each other and were going to continue raising me as a family, they argued with my maternal and paternal grandparents and we moved to Kizugawa City, Kyoto Prefecture, Japan (Evergreen Harbor). From a family house we ended up in a small apartment. I guess at that time my parents wanted to forget about my mother as soon as possible…. There I started at a new school and did quite well, especially with the theoretical subjects and baseball.

Oh, yes, I forgot! Although I don't know if it's something that should go here…. Before I turned 6, at the age of 4, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), a somewhat late diagnosis because of the doctor who took my study. And the doctor said that it would personally make some aspects of my daily life difficult, but it seems that those words to my daddy Ryuu were taken very seriously because to this day he keeps trying to help me in everything he thinks I need help with and also papa Tatsu has also made a kind of alliance with him and they're so heavy handed with me that I think the best way to call them would be helicopter dads. The photo was taken by daddy Ryuu… and they were the ones who put me in those clothes… I know, totally boring clothes.

My favorite animal has always been the cat. I've always loved cats, especially black cats. In fact I've always gotten along very well with them and they've gotten along very well with me, I guess we're alike at some point. The picture was taken by Icaro on the spur of the moment, in case that's something you're wondering about. By the way, have you guys ever listened to the song by 「黒猫のタンゴ」(Kuroneko no tango)? I leave you the link here, listen to it if you want and let me know what you think. This song is inspired by the Italian song "Volevo un gatto nero", if you listen to the tone of this one here, you will see that it's the same, although the songs have nothing to do with each other. The Italian version talks about how the singer wants a black cat but is always given a white cat in exchange for what the others want, while the Japanese version the black cat symbolizes the runaway girlfriend of the singer.

On the other hand, my favorite topics and the ones you will always find me talking about are music and videogames. I love playing the piano, it's something I discovered when I went to school and saw a piano for the first time. On the other hand, video games stimulate me and when it comes to the ones I love, I can't stop speculating everything that happens around it and memorizing everything in it. By the way, the photo was taken also by Icaro, he said loves it when I play the piano, because I transport him to other worlds. Although I was a little worried because Icaro was listening to me.

I think I've already written too much about myself, and I can say more in other posts, so now I'm going to start with my father Ryuu.

This is daddy Ryuu, I took his picture recently. He's a writer and loves to write books for adults. Well, there you can see him at work. A long time ago he married my mom and they had me, when a few years passed my mom died, time passed and papa Tatsu confessed to daddy Ryuu. Daddy Ryuu told me what it's to be bisexual, that he told Papa Tatsu that had always liked both men and women, but that he never wanted to make a step forward, because he also loved Mom very much and didn't want to break the beautiful relationship and friendship that had formed between the three of them. My paternal and maternal grandparents never accepted this relationship, they told him that if he was homosexual why had he played a role by marrying mom and they didn't accept that a person could be able to like both men and women, I think they didn't understand as well as I did what it was to be bisexual, even though I was 9 years old. They believe that you can only like one thing or the other, so with me they have no problem, although they don't know that I've fallen in love with Icaro for who he is and not for being a man, but that's something I'll write about in another publication. My grandparents want me to visit whenever I can, but they don't want to know anything about my parents.

He's papa Tatsu, for as long as I can remember I've always called him papa, although technically at that time he wasn't romantically with either daddy Ryuu or mommy. No one ever denied it to me, not even he himself, so I got used to calling him that from a very young age. When I was little, I called him daddy Tatu, it was very difficult at that time for me to pronounce the character "つ" (tsu), although surely the first few times they heard me pronounce it they laughed at me.

Papa Tatsu works as a journalist. Some time ago he told me that when was studying journalism he worked in a bar part-time. There he met daddy Ryuu while writing books that he sent to publishers to try his luck. He confessed to me that from the day he met him it was love at first sight. I remember asking him why he didn't confess his love to daddy until long after mommy died and he told me it was because he was already engaged to mommy and never wanted to stand in the way.

He also told me that was the best man at his wedding and that mommy always knew that he was in love with daddy Ryuu. In fact, he told me that it was thanks to mommy, for her words of support before she died, that to this day he was formally my dad, because he had the courage to step forward and confess his love. The picture above is one that papa Tatsu and mommy took before I was born, I have permission to post it.

I've always wondered why I look more like papa Tatsu than daddy Ryuu, but they've never said anything to me, so I'd rather let it be.

This is my mother, Mikoto. She has long since left us and protects us from the stars, the sun and the moon. She worked as a medical scientist and developed and conducted experiments to test new drugs and medical devices, as well as studying the root causes of diseases and improving the effectiveness of treatments. Daddy Ryuu says that some people are very sensitive or don't want to read things that may remind them of sad moments in their life, so please if you're reading this, I'm now going to talk about something that happened to my mom and you may not like to read it. The picture I've posted above was of what my mom looked like when I was still very little, something I don't remember and that baby she's holding, is me. That picture wasnt taken by me, it was taken by papa Tatsu, so all rights go to him, he gave me permission to scan it and post it. The written part that comes now you can pass it and go to the end or until you see again this red color, I don't want to cause you bad memories or bad feelings, in fact for that reason is why I left it last.

My mom, Mikoto, died when I was 6 years old. I took that picture when I was little and it's one of my most precious objects. A year after I was born, mom talked to papa Tatsu, he was the first to know what she had. My mother had metastatic cancer, meaning the cancer was already far away from the area where it originated. The doctor told her that the chances of being cured were very low, and she was only given two or three more years to live. There were very remote possibilities of being cured, but the treatment with chemotherapy and pills would at least slow down its growth and reduce her symptoms. My mom was a fighter, she spent 5 years fighting to the end and for that I admire her very much. I was never told what kind of cancer she had, but I know my dad Ryuu and my dad Tatsu were always by her side and helped her in any way they could, plus I'm not very good in the medical field so I don't think would find what I'm looking for (actually I think the only thing I could do is go see the doctor who took her when when I have legal age and ask him) I know I said above that they moved to forget her, but specifically I meant to forget those bad memories that were left in that house. Surely they wanted to move out to treasure the good memories in the memories and videos we take with us.

I took the photo one afternoon when I found a dandelion on my way home. Since at that time my mom couldn't leave the house much anymore, I brought it to her and when we were both on the bed I told her to blow on it to make a wish. Mommy blew it and the dandelion seeds spread all over the room. She looked so beautiful that with my polaroid I took a picture of her (although it was actually with papa Tatsu's help, that's why the photo looks so good, I was 5 years old). I never knew what she asked for that day, and she never wanted to tell me either. By the way, mommy always liked to attach stickers on polaroid pictures, I think it's a habit I ended up picking up from her.

The last time I saw my mom she said, "Promise me that you will take good care of daddy Ryuu and papa Tatsu and that you will always, always, always be a fighter like mommy. This is for you, the bracelet that has accompanied me all my life. When I'm no longer in this world, I want you to know that the stars, the moon and the sun reflected in each pearl will be me watching over you from each one of them." And this photograph is of the bracelet mommy gave me, my bracelet, another of my most precious objects. I never mourned her death, no tears came from my eyes. I don't remember much about her either as I don't have an eidetic or photographic memory like Icaro, but I do remember the sound of her voice, I can always hear it in my mind, tone by tone. Oh, sure, there was a song my mom always sang to me that I remember how it sounded with her tone of voice perfectly my mind, it went like this:

"My little cat, my little cat, is always jumping. My little cat, my little cat, is always going on adventures. What will I do if my little cat gets lost in the grass? Wow, I found my little cat, he's right here!"

「あたしのこねこ、あたしのこねこ、いつもジャンプしている。 あたしのこねこ、あたしのこねこ、いつもぼうけんにでかけている。 もし、あたしのこねこがくさむらでまいごになったらどうしよう？ わぁ、あたしのこねこをみつけたよ！ここにいるよ。」

And right after that she tickled me. Sometimes she would change the lyrics to the song a little bit, depending on the day or the situation, but this was the version sang me the most. If you're wondering if you can find it on the internet the answer is no, because it was a song that mommy created especially for me. If someday I'm not so embarrassed I'll sing it and upload it for you to hear.

And this is the end of today's post. For the first one it has been quite long, hasn't it?

What would you like me to feature in my next post? Would you like me to write about who my best friend Icaro is and how I met him? My best friend Marena? Leave it in comments below.

See you in my next post, although I don't know when it will be yet as I'm learning to manage time and figure out how others work here.

[jojotichakorn]

pun and beer :3

closing off the we are characters headcanons with these two, let's goooo

choose a character and ask about my headcanons here, if you like

PUN

🏳️‍🌈 a sexuality headcanon

pan (no pun intended x2).

🏳️‍⚧️ a gender headcanon

he gives me kind of "i'm probably not 110% a man, but that's none of my business" vibes jlfkgjkdfjglfkd

🧸 a headcanon about their childhood

unfortunately, i think some other kids definitely found him very weird and bullied him :( thankfully, like i mentioned in my post with chain headcanons, i think he and pun have been friends since they were very little, so chain was always there to protect him.

👻 a headcanon about what scares them

honestly, most things. if you jump out from a corner at him and say "boo", he will scream.

🎶 a headcanon about music

for some reason he gives me the vibes of someone who mostly listens to iconic pop stars both from the 90s-00s and current ones. he's like a britney spears and charlie xcx girlie (gender-neutral).

👽 a headcanon about a weird quirk of theirs

finally i can say it! i think, by some string of fate, he also collects plushies. but it's not bears, maybe rabbits or something.

💤 a headcanon about their sleep

he loves sleep. he would sleep literally 24/7 if he could.

🦾 a disability headcanon

autism <3

💝 a headcanon about their love language

he is so quiet about it in general that it's hard to say, but i'm gonna choose quality time. it kind of feels like spending time with chain is already enough for him.

🫂 a friendship headcanon

pun and phum are future best friends!

💔 an angsty headcanon

even though we don't see much of it, he is like... seriously distressed about liking chain. he gets really anxious about it sometimes and is really afraid someone will find out, because he is very scared of losing their friendship.

🪢 a headcanon about their family

i think at least one of his parents is diagnosed autistic, and he's had a pretty supportive and comfortable environment at home thanks to that.

📓 a headcanon about their hobbies

he writes fanfiction. also reads fanfiction. his hobby is fanfiction.

🌟 a headcanon about their desires/wishes

i do think that he daydreams about chain reciprocating his feelings from time to time. he's run about five thousand scenarios of how that might happen in his head. and that's his secret big wish.

🥇 a headcanon about what they’re best at

genuinely organising people. being a leader. he might be silly, but he can get people together and really motivate them to do something for a cause.

🍫 a headcanon about food

he loooooves food and would eat almost anything.

❤️‍🔥 a romantic headcanon

he is a little insane about romance, i will not lie. he has seen every single romantic movie and series under the sun. he would do the silliest but also most romantic things for his partner for sure.

😺 an animal related headcanon

he loves all animals, but feels especially partial to anyone, who gets overlooked or is actively hated. he would not let you kill a single spider. cup-and-paper method only!

😭 a headcanon about the worst thing that happened to them

from his pov, falling in love with chain :( as much as he daydreams, he often wishes he would just love him as a friend.

😶 a random headcanon!

one of his favourite movies is 'emma.' (2020). the main character constantly tries to play matchmaker and ends up marrying her best friend. actually, now that i think about it, he might have also read the novel by jane austen the movie is based on and loves that as well.

BEER

🏳️‍🌈 a sexuality headcanon

bi (none of those boys are straight istg).

🏳️‍⚧️ a gender headcanon

a cis boy.

🧸 a headcanon about their childhood

he was really upset about losing contact with phum, when he was sent away, but his parents never let him call overseas, because it was too expensive, and he wasn't really allowed to use the internet either. he asked fang how phum was doing, whenever they crossed paths, though.

🫂 a friendship headcanon

he is the type of person to have multiple best friends and really just wear his heart on his sleeve with people who are close to him.

🪢 a headcanon about their family

he has strict parents and one younger sibling.

📓 a headcanon about their hobbies

he also loves photography. that's something that helped him and phum reconnect, when he returned, as they discovered it separately.

🥇 a headcanon about what they’re best at

he gives me the vibes of someone, who is really good at math.

😺 an animal related headcanon

huge dog person.

😶 a random headcanon!

he's gonna be in a relationship by the end of the series. with who, i have not decided. but he will.

[spiderace]

Because of my diagnosis of autism in September 2023, I was in a full eight-session course of Dialectical Behavior Therapy group this winter. I've been thinking about it a lot, so I have some comments to share. Feel free to skip this if it's not interesting, but I know a fair amount of fellow autistic or BPD people are on Tumblr and might end up considering emotion regulation therapy.

Some stuff from DBT was distress management, which was useful. For me it was worth it for that alone. So from the start, I do recommend it if you are offered it. But:

Some of DBT was the therapist failing to explain basic masking to a group of autistics and people with BPD. This was because whoever developed the course she was rushing through did not examine the reason WHY these people haven't learned masking skills already. It was usually because those that hadn't, had never had explained to them the difference between expected social diplomacy and lying.

See, I'm going to explain this now, from the POV of a Level 1 late-diagnosed autist with pretty decent masking skills. So this is going to seem super obvious to those of you that are neurotypical.

Many people with autism feel inherently that concealing your feelings or opinions is the same as lying, and that you are doing someone specific harm by not telling them when you know they're wrong. We can't read tone or expression well a lot of the time, so it's not clear to us when someone is saying something just to be polite, or otherwise saying other than what they mean. And we hate not knowing what people mean. So we tend to just SAY what we mean. The natural result is that the autistic person sounds like a rude asshole to everyone except other autists. It's not unusual for people with BPD to have a similar problem, as I learned from my fellow patients!

Neurotypical people generally agree that lying is wrong in a broad sense, but they also preserve an internal distinction between lying that is wrong and stating a non-fact for social reasons that are obvious to the listener. No one tells the autistic person about this, because you're supposed to just know it.

An example of this that we discussed in class is that a coworker in a lunch discussion says the world is flat. Now, you, the autist, know that's not true. But the important fact is that everyone around you does, too. So when you gently deflect the person by politely saying, "Wow, Dave, that's interesting. I've never heard that before," everyone around you is NOT assuming you believe Dave. They assume that you are being polite. You're not actually lying or deceiving anyone, because everyone actually knows what you mean ("I'm not comfortable with this, let's change the subject"). It's possible even Dave will get the message and not bring it up again, depending on how good Dave is at reading the room himself.

This is a much better use of your time and social presentation than point-blank telling Dave he is nutter butters and starting an argument that ruins everyone's lunch break. Because at that point it's not Dave everyone blames, it's YOU. Everyone knows Dave is wacky about the flat earth, why can't you just skim over it as fast as possible so we can all get him off the topic?

The important skill to learn here is when not to engage on something. If you don't agree from day 1 that sometimes there's a Dave and we don't have to point out they're wrong, you simply can't function or mask for longer than it takes for someone in a conversation to say something you don't agree with. This is a very common autistic problem.

Because the fact is that there will definitely be times where you are sure someone is wrong, even Dave and the flat earth level wrong, but it's NOT obvious to everyone. If you can also learn not to try to correct everyone when that happens, you can be a lot less annoying to other people socially. (And I do mean socially here; obviously if you work at a nuclear plant or something and see someone doing something unsafe, you have to speak up, and I'm saying that because I know a lot of us are also very literal.) But you definitely don't have to tell Madison, your boss who can fire you, that there is no evidence essential oils have other than a placebo effect on any health condition. You can say that's very interesting, Madison, and hey did you watch the game? For "the game" you can swap out something else you know Madison likes. It doesn't really matter what it is, it matters that you got her off the thing you disagree with onto something you don't care about, and then you shut up and let her talk about it, so she still has a positive feeling about the conversation.

This is the most basic thing on earth, and if any neurotypicals are reading this you probably can't fathom how anyone doesn't know this. This makes a lot more sense if you are coming at it from the point of view of never, your entire life, knowing what people mean by a certain tone, or what the thing they're doing with their face exactly means. It's very possible to learn these things (not easy, but possible), but you have to first realize there's something there TO learn, and that learning it is not BAD or EVIL, and that's a hurdle my DBT course failed to clear immediately for most of my classmates.