#posts that made me realise i dont follow this account

[sttoru]

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔.

⟣ sypnosis. you had been in your first ever relationship with suguru for a couple months now. neither of you have taken your relationship to the next level; suguru was extremely patient and never brought the topic of sex up until you one day decide you were ready.

⟣ note. first fic for my event :3 i spent way too much time on this fic so it turned out very detailed, long, romantic and fluffy. i hope you all enjoy and appreciate it teehee. this post contains smut, proceed at own risk ! wc: around 6.1k

⟣ tags. soft dom!geto suguru x virgin!female reader. fluff + smut. slow burn. age gap (reader 20-ish, suguru around 29/30), little talks about insecurity, loss of virginity, breast play, edging, teasing, fingering, lots of praise, dirty talk, size difference!, p in v — unprotected (dont b like reader and use protection please), creampie, aftercare, suguru’s really romantic and just a softie for u, suguru being a good ‘dad’ to mimiko and nanako and teeny tiny bits of him secretly being a pervert.

never in a million years had suguru expected his girlfriend to be so upfront about such a big, personal decision. the thought of having you say those words had never crossed his mind.

“can you repeat that for me, sweetheart?”

could you blame him for asking you to clarify the words you’ve uttered? that man has seen you as an oblivious and innocent woman ever since the start of your relationship. of course, unbeknownst to him, your thoughts were anything but that.

you may be a virgin, but your mind was a place for the most lewd and nasty thoughts. it’s just that you’ve been scared of being intimate with a man—it’s frightening, especially when having heard the many online stories about how badly it could hurt. some say that such descriptions were over exaggerating, however your inexperience still lead you to believe everything you’ve read about the topic.

and then you started dating an older man named suguru. you’ve met him by chance at a mall in kyoto and he was the first one who approached the other. you remember how suguru politely asked you for some advice regarding what type of presents he should get for ‘two teenage girls’. of course, you agreed to helping him out and that’s how you two eventually ended up brainstorming about possible ideas in a cozy café.

once seated, chosen drinks in both your hands, you asked the man whether the gifts were meant for his daughters. somehow, that’s the first connection the neurones in your brain had made once suguru told you about the two teenagers he was picking out presents for.

you remember it vividly; the sweet, gentle sound of the laughter that accounted as your answer, the eyes of the then stranger looking rather nostalgic as they stared into the liquid in his cup. suguru responded vaguely; “i guess you could say that, yes.”

that little ‘date’—if you could call it that—ended on a wholesome note. suguru thanked you for your time and made sure that you safely got into the train you needed to take home. he did want to offer you a car ride, however he kept that question to himself since he knew that no woman would voluntarily agree to be taken home by a stranger. even if suguru had the purest of intentions.

there were a couple more dates that followed after that one; all where you both gradually got to know each other better. you’ve found out so much about suguru—the details about his own life being both fascinating and sad at the same time. likewise, suguru had also learned much about you. he always shows great interest in what you tell him, even if it’s a minuscule detail. he remembers it all as well—a feature which caused you to feel funny things in your stomach.

you realised you were catching feelings for that mysterious yet sweet and loving man; it was inevitable. the way he makes you giggle, his respectful and easygoing manner of speaking, the slight touches you two shared on accident.. all of it added to your little crush.

however, you didn’t actually think suguru was falling for you too. you only met up for a few times, plus, you seem out of his league—both due to your age gap and difference in the things you’re pursuing at the time. you were in college, trying to get your degree whilst he already had a job as a powerful leader of an organisation and was trying to achieve one of many goals with them.

there’s not a chance he’d like you, right?

wrong. you were confessed to a couple weeks after your first meeting and have been in a relationship for over 4 months now. it still felt like a dream; having your first boyfriend be such a gentleman. it truly felt like you already met the love of your life whenever he was near.

suguru’s been nothing but sweet and caring to you, has never asked you to engage in any sexual activities nor even ever dared to touch you in places you haven’t consented to. the furthest you’ve gone in terms of intimacy in those four months, were make-out sessions. just some tongue action here and there—adding sprinkles of neck kisses and hickeys.

there were times where you wanted to let things escalate, however you couldn’t bring it upon yourself to ask your lover. suguru wasn’t the person to decide your feelings for you either—if there was no verbal consent coming from your lips, he’s not going any further. even if he wanted to as well.

you were grateful that suguru was that willing to wait for you, no matter how long it might take. not only were you anxious of the possible pain the sex would bring, but it was partially due to the fact that your lover was much more experienced in that field.

what if you were lacking? what if it wasn’t satisfactory enough for him and he’d eventually leave you for it? it’s obvious that suguru wasn’t the type of man to actually do that, however you couldn’t stop the many possibilities from running free in your brain.

your change of mind was rather spontaneous; it was today when you suddenly came up with your final decision. you were staying over at suguru’s, the sun was out and he was sitting on his balcony, reading a book whilst sipping on his coffee. what caught your eye was his bare back and the muscles which were on display to you.

suguru was shirtless and the seams of light were making his skin glisten—the view making your own body hot and bothered. you bit your lip and approached your boyfriend from behind, wrapping your arms around his shoulders before kissing his neck. that skin-to-skin contact made you sure of your decision; you needed him. in more ways than one.

that’s how you ended up saying what you said. the statement left suguru baffled since you uttered it in his ear out of the blue. he couldn’t deny one thing however; the idea certainly did send a shiver of excitement down his spine.

“i said,” you repeat with a little mischievous grin, leaning in closer to your lover once he turned around to face you properly—as if searching for any hints that your words were indeed not his imagination, “i wanna lose my virginity to you.”

it wasn’t. you actually said it—the words that would take your relationship a step further. although, suguru couldn’t help but wonder where your sudden decision came from. his hands found their way to yours and he held onto them like they were two delicate flowers.

“i’m happy to hear that, though i’m curious,” your lover starts off carefully as he places chaste yet soft kisses on your palms, “why so sudden?”

you shrug nonchalantly like you didn’t feel that twinge of nervousness in the back of your mind as you felt suguru’s lips on your skin. ‘it really was happening now, was it?’—that kind of feeling was the cause of your subtle anxiousness.

“well, ehh— you just looked good.. sitting there.. i guess.” you mumble, voice trailing off in embarrassment whilst your eyes darted around the balcony in attempt to avoid suguru’s gaze. your flustered expression and adorable confession makes him laugh gently. it was not a mocking laugh at all—more of an amused one;

“just when i thought you couldn’t get any cuter..” the long-haired man muses, the locks of his bangs grazing ever so slightly against your hands as he keeps holding them, “you never fail to surprise me, do you know that?”

suguru had a way with words that made you weak in the knees. or maybe it’s simply because he’s shirtless and kissing your palms so romantically. you don’t know which one it was.

“but, love,” suguru continues carefully as he stands up, your eyes following his as he towers over you, “are you a hundred percent sure? i don’t want to do anything you aren’t comf—“

“yes.” your answer cut your boyfriend off and he’s left in shock once more. your eyes were filled with determination, yet the faint glint of nervousness in them didn’t escape suguru’s sight. you’ve given your verbal consent and are even the first one to suggest the idea— what more could he ask of you?

there hung a silence between you two, the breeze blowing through suguru’s dark locks making him look even more majestic than he already was. you had no doubt about it; today was going to be the day. it had to be.

“then, if you’d let me have this,” his low voice sounded more sensual than it had ever been as his hand found its place on your cheek, fingertips rubbing against your ear, thumb softly pressing onto your skin—

a slow and romantic kiss followed straight afterwards. it had caught you slightly off guard, even when knowing fully well that this was what you were longing for.

his lips moved in tandem against yours, the soft touch making you feel certain emotions that you hadn’t even thought existed. this man whom you called your lover had never been unable to expose you to new sensations. and soon, he’ll grant you another one. a much pleasurable one.

one arm circled your waist, the other held up, hand on the back of your head to deepen the passion-filled kiss you shared. his lips parted your lightly trembling ones, the tips of your tongues attentively rubbing against one another as if to test the waters; was it fine to go further? are we actually doing this?

you were. it was set in stone as your throat formed soft noises of satisfaction, shaky breaths being exchanged by the two lovers on the balcony—not one of you realising that the weather was changing in the background. the sun was setting, creating the perfect mood for the situation as you were still engrossed by each other’s moves and touches.

it was only for the sake of catching your breath that you had pulled away. your cheeks felt hot, as did your entire body which was still pressed against suguru’s—chest to chest. the proximity was one you both had enjoyed many moments before, however this instant was unlike any other. you both knew as you stared at each other in silence, your quick breaths doing the talking instead.

“will you let me..” the voice of which you have grown to adore spoke to you, the owner grasping your attention once more by holding onto your hand. suguru’s fingers smoothly slid across your skin until they found the puzzle they were meant to complete—that being the gaps between your own fingers. once your hands were tightly intertwined, the man finishes his sentence;

“will you let me love you?”

his face was still close to yours as he uttered those beautiful words to you, warm breath lightly fanning the thin strands of hair on your cheeks to the side, lips subconsciously trying to brush against yours once more. but, they could wait. they could wait until the agreement leaves your mouth.

“of course.” the answer escapes before you could even register it properly. this makes suguru smile against your lips as he captured them in another sweet kiss. he muttered a small ‘thank you’ and then swept your legs off the floor—strong arms placed under your thighs to hold you up against his body whilst the hungry kisses continue.

suguru doesn’t know how he got there; carrying you over to his bed, settling you down onto the soft mattress, his body caging yours underneath him, eyes fluttering over every detail of your exposed skin. he hadn’t had you like this ever before; he hadn’t had you in his bed for a reason as sinful as this, only ever for cuddles or sleep.

“you’re beautiful.” the dark-haired man whispers as he carefully takes off the clothing covering your figure—the gorgeous skin his hands still have yet to explore. suguru can’t remember the last time he has treated anyone like this; like a treasure he’s had the honour to find and keep to himself. there hasn’t been a single woman in his life that he’s cared for this much—you’re the only one capable of mellowing him and his heart.

“stunning,” another compliment; another breath spent to praise you. your lover’s fingers teased the edges of your bra, lips kissing down your collarbone and towards the centre of your chest—each touch being done with precision. your bra became undone a second later and you let the straps fall of your arms, all the way until your breasts were fully revealed.

suguru’s breath hitches, mouth forming more saliva than in any previous instants, the liquid being pushed down his throat with a gulp. you didn’t have the chance to feel conscious of yourself in a moment like this; the dim light of the bedside lamp shone on suguru’s face, his lips glistening with a mixture of your saliva whilst his gaze was lingering on the new sight in front of him—he was utterly obsessed.

“may i?” his hands were already reaching out for the plump flesh and they came in touch once you nodded shyly. his palms were warm as they kneaded your breasts and his fingers brushed against your nipples, which made you whimper from how sensitive they were now that someone else has finally touched them.

suguru took notice of your reaction and put pressure on both small buds once again, thumbs rubbing your areolas in circular motions, “that good, princess?”

“mhmm— y-yes,” you mutter through a moan. your body was pushed further onto the mattress as your lover put more of his weight on you, your entire chest area getting covered by licks and kisses, slow and deliberate ones that left you yearning for more. suguru’s eyes gazed up at yours for consent once his parted lips hovered just above your sensitive nipples, his breath on them alone making you squirm already.

with another nod, suguru wasted no time taking one nipple into his warm mouth—wetting it with his saliva as his tongue slid around the area. his long fingers squeezed, twisted and pulled on your other nipple to give you both stimulations at once.

“mm, so good.” his muffled voice caused goosebumps to appear on your skin. suguru slowly lets his lips travel across your tits, sucking on them, even kissing down the curves until he reaches your torso. he gives that area the same amount of love and attention whilst your fingers were tangled around his smooth, long hair. suguru clearly seemed to enjoy the sensations; he let out small moans and hums against your bare skin to indicate that you should continue playing and tugging at his locks.

his tongue abruptly came to a stop right above the waistline of your panties—the barrier he was about to reach past for the first time. the hesitation was visible in his body language, however his fingers eventually tugged at the fabric, preparing to take it off.

your heart was beating out of your chest as you watched suguru slowly pull the last piece of cloth away. your thighs pressed together on instinct, stopping your panties from exposing your bare cunt.

“should i stop?” suguru asks with a raised eyebrow, fingers pulling away from your underwear now that he’s seen you close your legs. you didn’t want him to stop—it’s just the nerves that made your body move on its own command;

“please— no,” you shake your head, biting your lip as you swallowed your own saliva out of pure desire. you craved him now that it’s come this far, “need you. need you so bad, suguru.”

those words caused suguru’s brain to shut down. any irrelevant thoughts were thrown out of the window; the only thing his mind was telling him to do, was to take care of your needs. your body was laid out on his bed—trusting eyes looking up at his in anticipation, pretty hands grasping onto his sheets like it’d calm you down.

“i’m all yours, sweetheart.” suguru sighs, fingertips slightly shaking as he pulls your panties down to your ankles, eyes pausing on the revelation. to say that suguru was simply rendered speechless, was an understatement. that man was on the verge of letting loose of any self-control and just dive his face right between your thighs, eating you out like he’s fantasised of doing for a while now.

“fuck.” your boyfriend closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself before opening them to smile down at you—the handsome smile that was one of the many reasons you fell in love with him, “i’ll be careful. i promise.”

naturally, you nodded along. you’ve built up enough trust between one another during the past few months to let yourself be vulnerable in front of him. the palm of his hands patted your thighs slightly before spreading them apart, once again showing your glistening folds, a slight wetness to them from your own arousal.

suguru couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight. he’d already have devoured your dripping cunt if it wasn’t for his self-control. but, it was your first time. he couldn’t rush into things just yet.

“thank you, baby.” the dark-haired man whispered under his breath. he was showing his gratitude for the sight you allowed him to see—a sight only he had ever seen before. the only man to be able to witness the beauty before him. that fact alone made his eyes darken in lust ever so slightly.

his fingers carefully slid across your vulva, your bodily fluid coating the skin which makes him shiver and his fingers get bolder. the cute sounds that filled his ears were only making this even better for him.

the way your hips bucked up slightly into his touch—just asking for suguru to take you right then and there—was driving him insane. every vein in his body felt like it could pop with how much he was restraining his own self from acting out of line. his finger easily slid into the little hole and suguru almost couldn’t believe it; your pussy was clamping down on his finger, your insides tightly wrapped around him to the point that even he wouldn’t know if his dick would fit in.

“hnnngh, suguru, please— wan’ your cock already,” that dirty sounding sentence was one he didn’t expect to hear from a virgin. it made him shake his head with a small, delighted chuckle; you really never failed to surprise him.

“i know you do,” suguru purrs, pressing kisses against the curves of your tits whilst another finger of his joined to stretch your pussy out properly, “but i need to prep you enough if you wanna take my cock. can you be patient for me, sweetheart?”

“m’kay. gonna try..” his fingers pumped in and out of you, the feeling of them curling up deep inside you made your walls squeeze against them. you’ve played with yourself before, of course, however it was then that you discovered that nothing could ever compare to the real thing: suguru’s long and slightly girthy fingers.

just when you thought that it couldn’t get any better, you felt a third finger—not inside you--but on your clit, rubbing the small bundle of nerves like you could’ve never done to yourself. suguru was so precise and exact with his actions which showed his experience. that’s another reason of why you’ve put all your trust in him. getting your virginity taken by a sweet, older and experienced man was probably ten times better than losing it to any guy your age, who were probably only out for sex.

suguru was there to make love to you.

your back arched once you felt suguru’s fingers increase their pace, the wet and squelchy sounds echoing through the room as they got louder the more your pussy got played with, his thumb almost overstimulating your clit to the point of release already—that’s how superb your lover’s hand movements were.

“no, no. can’t have you cum on my fingers like that.” you whine once you felt suguru take his fingers back the same moment you were about to reach your first orgasm by someone else’s hands. the older man smirks at this and kisses you on the lips, pulling away slowly with your bottom lip between his teeth, letting it lightly flop back into place as he lets go; “i wanna have you cum together with me, okay?”

you couldn’t refuse such a romantic request, thus you nod. suguru smiles back at you once more before his hands move to take off his sweatpants, tossing the piece of clothing to the side. your eyes widened as you were propped on your elbows, gaze lingering on the massive bulge formed at the crotch area, his boxers not hiding much of the shape.

once the underwear was off as well—that’s when you realised that your underlying anxiousness was not for nothing. suguru’s cock sprung free, it was slightly curved near his pink tip, drops of pre-cum flowing down the length. you haven’t ever seen a dick in real life, only ever on the internet, so this had left you stunned. you didn’t know what the average size was for a man, but there’s one thing you knew for sure: suguru was definitely way above the average size.

“cat got your tongue, princess?” he teased, his hand absentmindedly pumping his cock to the sight of your naked body underneath him. suguru didn’t even know that he started doing that in front of you; it was out of pure instinct. he couldn’t hide the excitement in his body, his shaft twitching in his hand as if it desperately wanted to feel your tight cunt around it.

“uhm, s-suguru..” you stammer a bit, biting your lip as your eyes followed his hand motions which got faster once your sweet voice called out to him. something about you looking a tad bit intimidated by his size made him want to destroy your insides to mush—have you beg him to fuck you as he bullies his whole length into your poor, small cunt.

“i know, i know..” suguru reassures you, free hand giving you a few consoling head pats, “i’ll try to make it as less painful as possible, okay?”

you hum and watch how your lover settles between your legs, spreading them enough to kneel before you, upper body bending forward to place soft pecks on your forehead; he was encouraging and preparing you more in his own way.

your arms instantly wrapped around his back, sweaty palms set underneath his shoulder blades—you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, just waiting on that moment. that feeling you’ve been craving, yet also have been avoiding.

you waited for a bit, however the only sounds heard and sensations felt were the slight dent in the mattress near one side of your body, the bed creaking faintly. suguru was leaning on side of his body, one arm stretched out to open a drawer, apparently searching for a condom.

once you realised what he was doing, you shook your head and tapped his back twice to regain suguru’s attention. his gaze immediately flickered over to yours and his head tilted to the side in curiosity; “i want the full experience—no condom, please.”

his eyes widened at the request. you seemed to be dead serious, eyes glinting determinedly, lips forming a little pout— it was impossible to refuse you, although suguru knew that he had to play the role of the older, more wise and experienced lover in the back of his mind.

he parted his lips to list off the reasons why you should let him use a condom, yet the words died on his tongue. you were impossible to say ‘no’ to. not when you’re looking up at him with those pretty eyes.

“whatever princess wants, princess gets.”

suguru prodded your entrance with the fat head of his cock, circling the hole and wetting it more by using a mixture of his pre-cum and your own arousal. you took another deep breath and tried your best to hold tightly onto your boyfriend, arms wrapped tightly around his back with your face nuzzled in the crook of his neck—bracing for impact.

“tell me if it hurts too much,” suguru whispers in your ear, leaving one last kiss on your temples before pushing his hips forward, folds stretching out and apart to allow his cock through and into your pussy.

did it hurt like you expected? yes. it most certainly did. maybe even worse than you were prepared for.

“fuck— nhhh, fuckfuckfuck!” you hiss whilst your nails dig into the skin of suguru’s back, probably leaving red marks because of how much you’re clinging onto him—like your life depened on it. that’s quite literally what it felt like to you; body being forced to part and make way for suguru inside you, pussy feeling like it was burning by how big of a stretch it was to fit him in—if he actually would be able to push all of his inches into your tight hole.

“sshh, shh, it’s okay, try to relax for me, yeah?” your lover comforts you the best he could, stilling his movements for a couple seconds before gently slipping his cock further into you. it pained him to see the discomfort written over your face, however you hadn’t made any clear signs of wanting this to come to a halt. in fact, you were encouraging him to continue whenever he stopped at any indication of hurt.

“i can take it.. p-promise,” you manage to moan out. suguru breathed in deeply at your words and nodded, kissing your lips in hopes to distract you from any pain you’re feeling, “you’re too good to me, sweetheart. really.”

both of you exhaled deeply as suguru finally bottomed out, a long minute of reassurance and pushing now behind your back. your eyes had watered up a little, chest heaving as you tried to accommodate to the new feeling inside of you.

“take your time.” suguru utters gently, voice sultry and sweet whenever its directed at you. his lips graze against your cheeks, smothering the area with pecks to take your mind off anything else. the locks of black hair tickle your chin and nose, the hairtie that usually kept a good chunk of his hair in a bun now out of sight.

suguru hadn’t taken anyone’s virginity before and that’s what also made this opportunity special to him. he didn’t know how to thank you with words, so he showed his gratitude throughout his actions; lips kissing your shiny tears away, moving across your face to your forehead and eventually to your own round lips which had formed a cute pout.

you could feel suguru smile against your mouth, his tongue gently tracing the outline of your lips whilst mumbling words of affection and praise; “you’re taking it so well, baby. such a good girl for me— love you so much.”

you giggled lightly at your lover’s appreciative remarks, focusing on returning the kiss instead of the tingling feeling in your lower body. you pulled away after a bit and looked up at him with nothing but pure adoration; “i love you too, suguru.”

if suguru had the ability to freeze time, he’d want to do it during this moment, just to relive this bit over and over. he’s sure that this exact instant will be engraved into his memory for the many years to come.

and once you’ve given him the green light to move, he did it with caution, slowly but surely. his hips moved back and then forwards, girthy cock dragging along your walls at a leisurely pace, but just enough to make your pain transform into pleasure.

suguru’s big hands were placed on your hips, sometimes they’d leave their position to cup your chin and make you face him. he doesn’t want you to look away from his eyes; he’ll think you don’t like this if you do. besides, the thing he loves most about being in the missionary position, is that he’s able to hear how good he’s making you feel whilst looking into your eyes to see your face scrunch up in satisfaction. it’s so romantic and perfect. just like you.

“my little princess is so pretty.” suguru sighs in content and kisses your tears away, thrusting into your tight cunt in a comfortable pace—not too fast but not too slow, “the way you take my cock and still manage to look beautiful while doing it— you’re incredible.”

if the physical pleasure wasn’t enough, his added commentary would certainly be. you moan and whimper phrases that sound like his name over and over again; you didn’t know what else to say as your mind was foggy with the amazing sensations your body was experiencing for the first time. that was fine with suguru since all he wants was to see you enjoy yourself—this moment was for you. everything he did was for you—every thrust, every kiss, every touch.

“nhhg, too good, so good!” you mewl and leave more scratch marks across suguru’s back, ones which he didn’t mind at all. it only served as further proof of this special moment. the tip of his cock kissed the deepest parts of your insides, puffy folds parted widely to make room for more of his length until it felt like he actually was balls deep.

“mhm—you’re, haah, tight..” the once calm and collected man seemed to let loose of himself the more he felt your cunt swallow him all the way, gripping onto his dick as if you didn’t want to ever let go. suguru grunts and moves down to leave a couple hickeys across your neck, hips non-stop pushing against yours, “don’t think i can last long—fuck, yeah—you feel amazing, baby.”

your eyes roll back as the pleasure seems to build up in your stomach as well. it felt like a coil that threatened to snap at any moment and it’d release another immense wave of pleasure upon breaking. your body was on fire, sweaty and hot, just like suguru’s.

“can you cum with me, princess? can you wait and hold on for me?” he asks, and the questions sound impossible, however you could at least try your best to fulfil his desires. you’d also want nothing more than to reach your peak together with the man you loved.

“okay—mmhh—together.” you nod and your body tenses up, legs subconsciously moving to wrap around suguru’s waist, heels of your feet simultaneously tapping against his lower back along with his hip movements. you didn’t know how much longer you could hold out for as your breathing patterns changes, whiney gasps and choked up moans escaping the back of your throat as your clit bumps against his pelvis over and over.

“almost, almost—“ suguru curses through gritted teeth, his jaw clenching while yours did the opposite. your body rocked back and forth and the bed felt like it was shaking along as well. you could tell by the way suguru’s hips rolled against yours that he was close—his eyebrows were furrowed, eyes half-lidded but not closed to still hold contact with yours and his hands clutched onto your waist. all indications of his nearing climax.

“mnph, gonna cum— shit, shit, shit, i’m gonna cum—“ suguru swears under his breath a couple times more before snapping back into reality at the last few seconds. he realised once again that he didn’t have a condom on, so his first rational thought was to pull out and finish himself outside of your body.

you were also nearing your own orgasm, not thinking rationally due to the intensity of the moment, any other thoughts except for the man on top of you were thrown out of the window. you felt suguru try to pull his twitching and throbbing cock out before it could spurt its cum inside of your dripping cunt.

you whined and shook your head, pulling suguru in for a deep kiss while tightening the grasp your legs had around his hips; “w-want to feel you cum in me— want you to fill me up while i finish too.”

suguru’s breath caught in his throat, almost choking on his own saliva from your bold requests. his only rational thought instantly vanished from his mind, now all that’s left was pure love, pleasure and desire. the mental image of his cum spilling and filling your pussy to the brim drove him to the edge.

“all yours, i’m going to give it all to you, princess, yeah? fuck !” both of you relinquished in the feeling of bliss, the warmth and build up reaching its designated ending— the expected waves of pleasure washing over you both. series of soft moans, whimpers and groans filled the room as your pussy was flooded with lots of hot cum.

it was like suguru hadn’t came in years—that’s how incredible that orgasm was experienced by the dark-haired male. the same thing goes for you; your legs were shaking, hips squirming up in aftershocks as you squeezed down on suguru’s cock, quite literally milking him dry of every drop.

“nhh, haah— suguru, love,” your tired and powerless whispers caught his attention immediately. your trembling hand held onto his cheek in attempt to make him look at you. suguru’s fingers curled around your wrist, turning your hand away from his face and to the side so he’ll have access to your palm. his lips left a ticklish trail of pecks on them until his mouth found its home: your lips.

the two of you exchanged deep, exhausted breaths, your boyfriend eventually pulling out and rolling onto his side to cradle you into his arms—hand placed on the back of your head to rest your body against his chest. the following seconds were spent cuddling as you tried to regain composure.

“you were amazing.” suguru sighs, chin resting on top of your head whilst his hand rubbed your bare back in comfort, “are you okay, sweetheart? nothing feeling off or anything of that sorts?”

you shake your head and snuggle up against your lover, content with how things are right now. the afterglow of your little session—of your first time, made you happier than ever. you couldn’t believe it’d feel this good. maybe it’s due to the one you’ve lost your virginity to.

“i’m okay.” you mumble and lift your head up to look suguru in the eyes, faces only inches away from each other. there were no words in the dictionary that could describe how you two felt. the closest word to explain it would be flawless.

“i’m glad, baby. thank you for trusting me.” suguru flashes you a small smile and strokes your head. you stay like that, bodies intertwined in a deep and comfortable hug, whispers of sweet nothings filling your ears and subtle gestures of love making you feel secure.

a couple minutes later and suguru noticed how you started to doze off. he chuckled to himself before pulling away from your hug and standing up, only to have you pout and complain about the loss of warmth.

“i’m just going to clean you up, love.” the soft-spoken man utters to you, laughing quietly at the adorable state you were in at the moment. you were so dependent on him.

“should i prepare us a warm, relaxing bubble bath as well?” he asks, squatting down near the edge of his bed and taking your hands in his, maintaining eye contact as per usual.

“that’d be nice.” you nod and feel your eyelids close slowly, “can’t promise i won’t fall asleep, though.”

suguru lets out a soft exhale through his nose, corner of his lips curling upwards at your little comment. he couldn’t believe he ended up dating such an unbelievably wonderful girl. it’s a blessing in his life of curses.

“i’ll make sure to at least clean you up if you do fall asleep, don’t worry. you’re safe with me.”

you were sure he was an angel sent down from heaven. it was more than clear to you—even if it may not be to many others out there.

“thank you, suguru.” you murmur as your body relaxes into the soft mattress, “i love you.”

“i love you too. more than you could imagine.”

[haikyu-mp4]

Sponsored

word count; 742 – gn!reader who likes makeup

“Sugarpill… what is this?” Kenma mumbled as he opened another PR package. This one was a bright pink box, on the smaller side. He scrunched his nose as he opened it, finding a little flyer and something square with a pixelated cat on the front. “Fun size… eyeshadow palette?” he read off the label and looked up as the chat suddenly went crazy.

kozuluvr: omg its makeup

kenkenspudding: will we finally get beauty guru kodzuken?

raginggamergirl: I dont even use makeup n I want this palette

Kenma hummed under his breath, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know why they would send me this,” he said honestly, twisting and turning the palette in his hands before opening it and showing the bright colours to the livestream, also doing his best to read off the names, which were all gaming related.

urfavkuroo: makeup tutorial for your next follower special?

He looked down at the palette, seemingly studying it. “The names are cool.”

When you came home from work, you kicked your shoes off and sighed loudly as you strolled into the kitchen. You knew Kenma was playing on livestream, so you picked up two juice boxes from the fridge and went to his office.

“Hey, baby,” you cooed, waving at the camera as you stepped up beside Kenma and pressed a kiss to his cheek. You two announced your relationship a long time ago, and after getting through the short period of intense hate comments, most of his fans seemed to get over it. They realised that you were kind of awesome.

“Hi, how was work?” Kenma asked, taking the juice box from you with a small thanks after pausing the game.

“Same old, same old.” You glanced at the screen and then back to him. “And yours?” you asked back with a teasing tone. “Looks tough.” Kenma scoffed and pinched your thigh, making you giggle. He ignored your question in favour of leaning across his desk to pick up the pink package.

“Look what I got in my sponsored mail,” was all he said, handing it to you and watching for your reaction with a small smile on his face. He really likes it when you get home.

People started posting suggested makeup looks with his name on Twitter and you even responded to a couple of them from your account, agreeing with what would suit him and what would not.

That’s why you two agreed that you would do the makeup on him, announcing on Kodzuken’s channels that if they got him to his next follower milestone, they would get a makeup special.

And what do you know, Kenma got a follower boost from all the posts his fans made about him and the palette.

You happily helped him set up to film in your living room, so you could sit cross-legged and face each other on the couch where the lighting was a bit nicer. In preparation, you cleaned your eyeshadow brushes and put Kenma’s hair in a nicer bun so the camera could properly catch whatever you did.

He raised a brow as you held up the eyeshadow palette to the camera and put your hand behind it, explaining the product. “What are you even doing?” he asked you, pointer finger drawing stars on your knee while he watched you affectionately.

“This is what us beauty gurus do,” you said in a jokingly posh voice, also telling him “You wouldn’t understand.”

“This is my channel, you know,” he teased, using his other hand to tap your cheek. If he focused more on you, he didn’t think too much about how much more exposed he was to his viewers in a video like this compared to what he was used to.

“Shh, I’m talking to my devoted followers,” you said before laughing, picking up the next colour on a new brush and putting a quick kiss on his lips before you continued with the makeup. “We’re all Kodzuken fans here.”

Kenma knew some people expected him to act annoyed, but he also knew there was no way to hide how much he loved your soft touches and the concentrated look on your face as your brushes ticked his skin to give him a (supposedly trendy) “rainbow blush”.

There were even more mentions of him online after the video was posted. Now the fans shared screenshots and video clips of him and his partner, discussing how adorable you were together. Couple goals.

masterlist

[myfandomrealitea]

Your post regarding specifc places for things and some places dont need a vent channel it helped me realise that the people i follow online were damaging to my health. They were constantly sharing real people who died horrifically and saying things like "if you dont share you're supporting violence " while i only joined social media to view art.

I actively speak about real life events offline with my family, we always talk about whats happening in the world once a week and mention anything new within the local and worldwide news. I didn't understand why social media was worsening my mental health around these topics since i could speak about it in real life with my family. i assumed i was horrible for simply not wanting to see it online, When your post about a safe space came up i realised why it made me feel so bad, the artists i followed no longer were posting art and were just constantly sharing news daily about horrific events. It became inescapable and i was unknownly doomscrolling for hours on social media while hoping to see art (that just made me feel bad viewing after seeing so much death) , my only escape was going offline. I already made new accounts just for art and Im so thankful for your post since i did avoid everything that was about real world events since the account is only for art and i feel so much more.. i guess happier.. but definitely more mentally healthy if that makes sense? It felt like my mind was drained or foggy when scrolling through social media, and i wasnt actually paying attention before but now its a lot more, clear, healthy and positive. Im able to think properly and actually pay attention and appreciate the good things online

I'm so glad I was able to help you on your journey to bettering your wellbeing. Its an aspect of why I run this blog and talk about the things that I do.

So very often people don't actually register or realize what parts of their lives are causing stress. They attribute it to 'working too much' or 'not sleeping enough' without realizing that there are direct causes for things like not sleeping enough. And I'm not saying every single part of life comes back to activism, but very often we don't even realize how much negativity and forced awareness we're exposing ourselves to.

I used to religiously follow accounts on Instagram which posted about animal abuse. Other than a handful of celebrities my Instagram feed would be the most graphic videos you could imagine of people hacking into live dogs with axes, boiling cats alive in huge vats of water, jockeys tearing at horse's mouths until their teeth were loose and they were leaving a trail of blood as they walked the winner's circle.

I used to think if I wasn't constantly forcing myself to acknowledge that these things were happening, if I wasn't constantly reminding myself the extent at which these things happen, I was a bad person. I wasn't a real animal lover. If I truly loved animals why wasn't I sharing these videos? Why wasn't I sitting there with thousands of other people acknowledging what animals go through while I sit comfy at home doing nothing?

It got the point where I'd be throwing up constantly, I refused to sleep because I was terrified of the nightmares and my hands would shake as I opened up the Instagram app because I dreaded what I'd see today.

It wasn't helping me. It wasn't helping the animals. I'm just as aware now of what animals go through without having to see any of it.

But now, I have the wellbeing to actually devote myself to meaningful activism. Not just tormenting myself to no outcome. Now, I have the willpower and the energy to sign petitions and do research and take steps in my own life to better the welfare of the animals in my care.

Now I can sleep at night and wake up well-rested with the energy and the motivation to do things both for myself and for other people. Now, I can scroll Instagram and leave polite, correctional comments on misguided videos about animals. Now I have the knowledge to devote my attention and my efforts to where it actually makes a difference and changes animal's lives.

It is such, such a hard thing to drag yourself out of. We're so conditioned into thinking suffering shared is suffering lessened. We're so conditioned into believing that by spamming words anywhere we can we are the direct cause of change.

Its a hell of a learning climb. A steep one. But I genuinely believe the world would be better off for learning and changing as we both had the courage to.

[axel-skz]

I dream we will meet again </3

A/N: I HAVE BEEN SPELLING HYUNES NAME WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME OMG!! I’m like not even slightly aware of anything ever. I cannot for the life of me spell seungmin right… now I find out it’s actually hyunjun… not hyunJIN?! I would pass away. But unfortunately, it’s not in my cards.||| Lmao, turns out that could be wrong but you know what, I’m just gonna spell it hyunjin. Idc. NOW, song roulette time… we get Scars :)

Summary: You and Hyunjin broke up and this is aftermath.

Hyunjin x g/n reader

It was a terrible break up. Your heart felt like it had been juiced for all it’s life blood then ran over, with a monster trucks tough uncle.

For the past week, you spent your time living the hobo life in your apartment. You didn’t go to work all week and definitely didn’t get together with friends.

You spent your days in the same routine, it always happened when you felt like you were having a crisis.

Tonight though, you made a mistake. When your mind told you to check on him, see if he was doing better, you didn’t fight it. Usually, you could find it in you to distract yourself. Tonight was another story. You couldn’t resist.

It was a mistake. The most recent post on the official page for hyunjun was him going to some versace event.

It was infuriating for you, as your eyes filled with tears, his life didn’t stop when you left. Your entire world seemed to have ended but here was this man meeting dua lipa. AGAIN. The universe had some audacity.

You weren’t even the reason for the breakup. You gave him your all but he wasn’t giving you nearly the same back.

You gave into a second urge and went to his secret account. You hadn’t unfollowed it and he hadn’t removed you either… let’s not delve into that…

He had put up his photography from his trip. You scrolled through the pictures with tears in your eyes and a weight on your heart.

You couldn’t help yourself and you scrolled through more pictures. It made you miss him more and more.

You were stupid now because you went to your chat and looked at your old messages. The oldest ones were so cute. It slowly got… less cute…

Least cute of all was when you dropped your phone on your face and called him. It couldn’t get any worse. Except… he picked up.

Before you could hear anything at all, you dropped the call. You threw your phone across the room and sat there with your hand covering your mouth while you stared in its direction.

No. Way. Is this real life?

You got nothing else after. No texts checking why you did that, nothing to follow up in anyway.

The next three days went by… awkwardly… you were coming home with groceries dangling everywhere as you went up the stairs. As you looked up, there he was… at your door… you stood there. Stunned.

‘Really? I’m so paranoid I’m hallucinating now?’ You walked up to him. ‘Can’t you leave me alone? I can’t even have my own mind?’

Hyunjin looked concerned, ‘did you hit your head? Slip and fall somewhere?’ He reached and took the groceries form you and that’s when you realised, this is real.

You turned around and went back down the stairs.

‘I’m gonna be here no matter where you go!! You have to come back! You just gave me your food and I know you hate sharing!’

You stopped, he knew you too well. You turned around quietly and slowly climbed back up the stairs. Cautiously you tried to grab your groceries back, as if doing it slowly would make him hand over his only upper hand. He leaned away and you looked up at him angrily.

‘I’m just here to talk… please?’

A/N: I’m sick. Yeah, I blame my laziness on that. HAH. I mean, I’m not winning here so I dont know why I’m laughing. Anyway, I can’t edit this later so You’ll have to check back if you want to see part 2 :)

[tonydaddingham]

lmao guess whos activated ✨blathering oaf mode✨ again (clue: its me)

(cut because length and spoilers, read at your own peril)

so this post got me spiralling into detective mode again and yes i know douglas suggesting it might have been war/pollution but i have certified trust issues™ and i dont believe that for one darn second

BUT

i also don't think it's a kiss. lemme explain horrifically

so i took another look at the two frames we have of The Leaked Smooch™ and the background has a lot to be desired (if you take into account that the boys are taking up most of the frame (duh), plus already fairly average quality video PLUS compression from when i captured it)

but i think we can safely rule out that The Leaked Smooch™ doesn't happen in the theatre here, mainly because even though the quality is bad, the glasses in the Smooch™ are crowley's modern ones, not the ones we saw him wear in the 1941 flashback in s1, plus his hair is differently styled... so yes can pretty confidently say this is not the kiss we are looking for

so i wanted to pinpoint what era the theatre bit is actually set in, and therefore i set about identifying the theatre in question. turns out kids that im not a good researcher (despite it literally being my job) so it took FUCKING AGES but i eventually found set photos of the boys entering a theatre, specifically the hippodrome in bo'ness:

now this was a turn-up for the books, because that's crowley's 1941 costume right??? id recognise that iconic fit anywhere. az's costume is trickier to pinpoint bc he wears the same damn thing but pretty sure this is a match to the church scene:

so we know from s1 that we have the church scene yada yada, and crowley offers aziraphale a lift home... which we know he accepts given that the s2 trailer gives us the ✨Dinner of '41✨ scene:

the other bit however to this puzzle is that there ALSO a set pic of aziraphale at the hippodrome in his magician's outfit. given the frame from the trailer where he looks like he's about to brick it going on stage, surrounded by lovely burlesque girlies and dame siân phillips in period dress, AND there were extras on the set dressed in ww2-type army uniforms, so i think it can be fairly surmised that this bit also occurs in the 40s

so my thought process is that we're getting two separate scenes (kinda) from the 40s, we have the church bit from s1 plus the Dinner of '41 scene as its own entity, but then, like

aziraphale is doing his magic act as a side hustle to this burlesque show? and crowley turns up to watch him, hiding out up in the box?

if we follow this completely made up narrative ive just come up with, aziraphale, im assuming, finishes up and gets changed into his normal clothes, and then goes up to this box to meet crowley?

to this end, i captured and slowed down the bit in the opening sequence where aziraphale and crowley (sorry douglas, not buying it) are in the box... and-

now to my eye, the motion of them in the clip looks like they are dancing? i don't have the source to hand but we've had it confirmed that a choreographer was brought into s2, not impossible az would go up to meet crowley after his magic act, whilst there's still something going on on the stage, and the two end up dancing or something? and az bless his heart gets spooked from that?

im reasonably convinced that this might be the origin of the 'you go too fast for me' line - something happens and ultimately aziraphale gets spooked given that he's only just realised he has Feelings for crowley, and so my boy fucking legs it (a lil post i made a while ago about this exact scenario if you'd care to peruse)

other thing to note:

there is a figure that is lurking behind aziraphale and crowley in the box, which looks like it moves specifically in sync with crowley, so it could be a shadow, or someone/thing is in the box that they aren't aware of 👀 so maybe this thing (?) witnesses it all? whatever went down in the box?

so in my addled feral mind, ive come up with a speculation that even as im breathing life into it sounds unhinged and so implausible it's hilarious -

i put to you, members of the jury, that something was meant to happen in that box, and it didn't... that something being that crowley makes a move of some kind - kiss, dance, hug, declaration, WHATEVER - and aziraphale was meant to accept it/reciprocate/idk, but didn't.

and that fucks with the plan, and for lack of better terminology creates a nexus event (lmao thanks loki) which in turns starts screwing with other events, somewhat like i theorised in this post here tehe

are aziraphale and crowley, essentially, the earth's endgame? idk about u but ive read enough angst fics to know that it's not inconceivable that crowley and aziraphale's mere existence may have been part of god's plan to represent free will on earth, defend humankind, and give balance and meaning to it

so what would happen if aziraphale essentially rejected that? did the most human thing possible and resisted the plan? idk i feel at this point i am just writing a fic and this will all be ludicrously incorrect bUT half the fun is torturing yourself over your own theories right 🙃

[theghostbunnie]

hi, i saw your post answering nick deactivating all their profiles and i want to admit this since i feel kinda responsible but i think i mightve been the reason why they deactivated, you dont need to post this if you dont want to but consider this an admission of guilt of some sort

because nick had all xyr profiles still up even after the alligations happened for a good month or so, i spontaiously remembered their existance one night and realised that, by locking their profile on twt (i didnt follow xem back) and noticing that most of their art wasnt on there ment that alot of people wouldnt get to enjoy their art, and me being big on archiving content i like i decided to start up a blog on archiving their art since they were semi-big in the fairly oddparents fandom on twitter

since ive ran two previous art archive blogs before i made sure to check that nick had been completely inactive and not on any other account, making sure not to post any of their art already on tumblr since the blog was still up at the time and i had planned on saving those as drafts if something happened, and i had set up a small queue on whatever art i could find searching their username on google, and most importantly i let them know in the pinned post that if they wanted this archive taken down then i will 100% take it down

the next day after i made that blog ive noticed i had recieved two dms from nick telling me to take this down, i didnt actually read them fully, all i saw was "may you take this archive down?" and sprinted to deactivate the entire blog (i would be lying if i said i wasnt curious to know how exactly they found the blog, but thats me being nosey someone probably told xem, not very relevant to the conversation)

it wasnt untill i was scrolling through my main blogs post on a tag that ive noticed that they deactivated, and at first i thought that maybe it just showed them as deactivated despite changing their url or something since ive noticed it would sometimes happen, but nope, fully deactivated

i personally, as ive mentioned, wasnt mutuals with xem nor would i have really considered us accuaintences, more of a 'people who happened to be in the same soup isle in the same store' shtick, but they would sometimes send funny replies, i wasnt very big into the ship they were posting at the moment but i liked their art and they had shared some wc crossover art that made me happy since that was my special interest and it was sorta stuck in my head as a special little conversation ive had, and while digging i admitibly got sorta fascinated by masha / sasha in general inspite of the fact ive never watched camp camp before (trying to fight the demons rn)

i hold absoloutly no grudge against nick for telling me i should take it down as they have a right to and i explicitly said in the pinned that i would , i just feel very bad about the fact that ive made them extremely uncomfortable to the point where xe felt like xe had to remove their two only platforms they were active on in general, and again i feel very strongly about preservation of media for others to enjoy and it backfired and now no one gets to enjoy it, including the fact that they had made alot of fanart for a rarepair

(since the blog didnt really exist for more then 2 days and if you do want proof of the blogs existance heres a link to a reblog i happened to notice from someone i know -> https://www.tumblr.com/coolmika745/765034471884029952?source=share)

I'm gonna be so honest Idk how Twitter or archiving or alot of the stuff you just said works but maybe this information will be important to somebody so up it goes/gen

I still think it looks suspicious being accused of what they are they just go radio silent but everything is still just allegations at the moment

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

hello mei 😊 how are you today? i want to start this ask off by saying how surprised i was when you first followed me! pleasantly though of course :) ive made efforts to make my account as private as possible out of shyness but im so happy you followed me because you are such a pleasure to have on the dash 😊

i love how you keep your main f/o a secret… i admire it so much..! i have a secret f/o myself but she is by no means a main f/o and i dont post about her that much really!

ANYWAY. i have a few questions if youd be comfortable answering :) i know the nature of having a secret f/o can make answering questions hard… but i will try my best to ask questions you can answer vaguely while hopefully not giving anything away about him :)

first… when did you realise you loved him? and… do you have a story attached to your ship? if so, did it take long for the two of you to fall in love? or was it relatively fast?

@stop-the-dams

OH MY GOSH HI!!!! YOU !!!!! i'm so sorry this is so late i think my inbox is eating th asks or something idfk BUT!!!

you are too sweet what the heck!!!!! /pos :'DDD omg yes apologies if my following was startling initially but i'll be so honest gorillaz is my fav band so i was soosososo excited to see a murdoc self shipper!!!! i know the lore pretty decently if u ever want to gush or discuss or anything, and i love seeing your posts as well!! hes v lucky to have u ;3

and thank you for the kind words AAAH sometimes i feel so invalid for keeping things secret so that really means a lot!! i'd be more than happy to answer though, those are such thoughtful questions im smiling ADHASUFDHD

cutting this up bc i rambled quite a bit im afraid...

anywayssss i actually saw my f/o for the first time on my damn TIKTOK FOR YOU PAGE which is. so goofy but i was like omg who is that :0 nd i eventually got into his source bc of him, so i guess i just liked him from the start as silly as that sounds :'3

as far as a story, i havent really thought of one but there is kind of an au that i play around w sometimes!! i like to headcanon that we wer both like. lowkey pining after first meet but both too oblivious to realize it LMFSKDJF . so i guess a mix of both lolz :)

ANYWAYSSS sorry that was insanely long but i would love to hear about ur selfship lore as well, if youre comfortable!! ur relationship seems so devoted n genuine , im curious to hear more abt how it happened (no pressure tho ofc!!) thanks again this was so sweet!!!<3

[roffmychest]

(cw fetish mention, long post)

when i was in the 4th grade i got REALLY into pokemon and conciquently i found.... pokemon transformations..... through deviantart, being VERY young and getting bullied alot i just imagined myself turning into a pokemon like those comics and wishing i could just turn into one and live my life alone.. and i got VERY fixated on transformation artwork NOT KNOWING IT WAS FETISH ART i drew alot of pokemon transformations during the after-school homework program and i assigned my classmates pokemon and id imagine them turning into them while were lost in the mountains and i magically didnt get bullied anymore or something i even requested like 5 different artworks, i used to speak to someone on discord who would have written for free the above story i had in mind and i had to block them out of nowhere once because they were making me uncomfortable, now again i was 10-11

i tired to get into it again, 2020 (before my bday, i was 12 at the time) i had an account on twitter (it might be still up), at this point i still did not know it was werid as hell and just thought the idea of shapeshifting is super cool! but just ended up abandoning it cuz i got into other stuff anyway

2021.. i was 14 and i was going through the WORST sad state of my life (not calling it depression or anything, just know i wanted to end my own life very badly) i had a now deactivated anon vent account on twt that id throw whatever and i tried to get into transformation again, at this point i FINALLY learnt that its seen as a fetish and i feel like ive been lied to the whole time even though i definatly have not been, i made the mistake of trying to show it to my old priv account with followers (in the end didnt use it) because i just, wanted to become a different character i liked and dissapear and to live their life and not deal with whatever i was dealing with, im so mad at myself, i just like shapeshifting and i wanted to , as i said, dissapear so to learn the thing that brought me comfort when i was 10 was ...fucking werid devistated me, before that i even wrote a story with a person my age (WITH THEIR PERMISSION, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE HAND) turning into our fave characters in a mobile game that we were fixating one

im now 16 and i have not gone back to thinking about it, i made a oc during my time as a 14 year old that can shapeshift into a dog and im terrified that people will associate it with that fetish, though its a oc in a kids game so probably not but the thought still scares me, i NEVER saw it sex appearing in any way, its NOT a fetish to me, but i never knew and it made me feel terrible

i hate myself for going down this path and beliving it was ok for so long, i hate myself, i hate the fact i tried to revive it, i hate the fact no one realised how werid it was i hate the fact i spoke to someone who made me uncomfortable and wrote free fanfictions for me i hate everything i dont care if i was at my lowest points of my life i shouldnt have looked at that at that age even if i had unrestricted internet beforehand, i do not blame myself for not knowing it was fetish art the first time and having to lie about my age because of deviatarts policy, but fuck deviantart and fuck myself for not realising it sooner and tried to get into it again and again

the only thing i dont hate is that it made me draw more, i wish i could just go back and throw myself warrior cats or something instead to grow up w something different, im sorry to the people on my old priv account if they my reblogs im sorry im so fucking sorry even if theyve forgotten by now i feel sick

.

[menuliso]

i just realised that i actually like… own a tumblr… and i think im supposed to introduce myself… i really dont know what the etiquette is here… but one time during my brief fling trying to be a twitter influencer i did this shit to start out with and it worked so im just gonna stick to it.

call me menulis. i made this blog literally for the sole purpose of either poorly advertising my ao3 and/or ranting about bkdk whenever i see fit. im unhealthily obsessed with them to the point where i should actually be admitted to a mental asylum.

as expected, i like mha—but also im a little insane over tokyo ghoul and houseki no kuni aswell. absolute BANGER mangas.

i dont care what you ship but personally i am a firm preacher of bkdk and togachako.

i enjoy reading, writing, drawing, and participating in loser activities. my ao3 is menulis for whenever i post on there.

tbh i dont think ill be TOO active on here. i think ill just post when i have the Urge. low maintenance social media accounts are the best!

i think this is when im supposed to beg you to follow me but i really do not care about that so bye!

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

the anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy again here! i've never talked to a psych (self diagnosed autism) and as a teen i was p sure i had aspd (i Knew shit was strange w me and really wanted an explanation and once i figured out my mix of trauma and autism things made sense) coz lack of remorse and shit but i never actually really matched the rest of it -- i dont have substance abuse issues and never have, im p easily entertained, i've had the same three friends basically my entire life. i do though describe myself as the worlds most boring hedonist coz like yeah i sometimes have a hard time controlling my impulses and im motivated by fun but for me thats usually p simple -- easily entertained. read a book, video games, jump around to music. i AM frequently bored though?? like its my most frequent emotion and ive spent a Long time learning to cultivate my joy and really feel it properly. but im also the most easily excitable person i know. i dunno, i have v large emotions that appear then disappear quite quickly. a favourire hobby of mine since i was a kid has been to start arguments between the ppl i care abt and see how large i could make them in a single session then solve the argument w/o the ppl realising i'd manufactured and egged on the argument. which typing that out now seems uh. an interesting hobby. but late last year i told my younger brother and he laughed coz its a v me thing to do and was like "yo thats fucked. pls stop doing it to me" so since then ive mainly tried to just like playfully tease ppl in a normal way coz cognitively i understand its a fucked thing to do and im trynna be like, a decent person who doesnt go outta my way to play w ppl for funsies. which yeah that uh... maybe i Should look into aspd more again, i did a fairly shallow look into it as a teen and relating to azula as much as i did as a kid (and izaya as an older teen/young adult) was deff a sign of smth

i've followed you on this blog for a while (i think you'd only had it for a couple weeks when i first followed u?) so yeah i did know the story abt u and ur fiance! v cute

i feel like maybe we need a different identifier than "the anon who doesnt have aspd" because that might not be, uh. accurate! i have o clue why a lot of people with aspd seem to congregate around my account but i guess this is an aspd helpline now??????? whuh????

like im not complaining its just. how did i get here

also i think ive deadass used the "worlds most boring hedonist" descriptor for myself before and i deal w chronic boredom the same way you do- i have a LOT of hobbies and i plan elaborate projects and that entertains me but only temporarily

and thats the thing about aspd! it- like every other disorder- is a spectrum. you might not have substance abuse issues, and i do. you did.... your interesting hobby, and i find it morally fucked!* i have no idea your relationship with criminality, and i got fired for stealing

*i have done something similar but i have a moral policy of like, only fucking with people who Deserve It. who deserves what varies case by case and what exactly i do... i need to explain weird spiritual stuff to go in depth andyeah im not really itchin to be called crazy on tumblr dot cum

aspd in general is very misunderstood and no literature really focuses on what its like to have the disorder, only the perceived damage being around someone with the disorder will bring- which is why i initially self diagnosed thru tumblr posts from ppl talking about their symptoms in a serious educative way

sometimes i think like, maybe i don't have aspd, maybe i'm just autistic and i'm spreading misinformation- but i never really felt "at home" with other autistic people. its like- yeah i click better with other autistic people, but i'm still masking, i'm still faking, and even in this situation i can drop the mask partially but not fully. growing up with a personality disorder and trauma in communities largely filled with autistic people with trauma, very quickly teaches you that there's something different about you. it's an isolating, traumatizing feeling- my experience with this was mainly symptoms of npd, but like.... knowing you have a problem, wanting it fixed, and knowing nobody around you knows how deep the problem runs, and might even find its existence laughable or dangerous... it's isolating! and its shitty!!

generally i tend to Know if things i'm doing are bad or not, i just tend to not care in the moment, because it's better than being bored! entertainment wins out over everything. it's actually kind of terrible; i'll do stuff just to see a reaction out of people- it's like izaya, honestly, what happens when people are pushed to their breaking points?

thats kind of how i got so much into angst and psychological horror. not only did i want to break the characters, i wanted to break my audience. i'd tell my friends detailed stories about torture partly because i was interested in my story, mostly because i wanted to see their horrified reactions. i wanted to see how far was "too far," and i keep that stuff in my current narratives- i keep the pov extremely tight and do silly little tricks with narrative and formatting to make the audience feel like they're Really There

so yeah look into aspd. do it boy listen to me im the ps5 im speaking to you inside your brain. do it boy do it

[poolboyservice]

Hi. I'm new to this whole thing so please excuse me for my directness but I'm desperately in need for an advice.

So I've been crushing on a guy in since high school. We were there together in the same college, but in different courses. We never talked, not even once. Just made eye contact a few times. Recently we both graduated college and a few days back I decided to tell him how i felt qbout him anonymously. I text him from a newly made Instagram account because I didn't want him to know who i was.

I wrote him a message appreciating how he looks in all his posts. Complimenting him and having sweet little talks with him. He seemed interested to text even though i was a complete stranger to him. He even asked where i was from and guessed that we were from the same place. I told him that i can't tell him and he seemed fine. Our first conversation ended wishing eachother a good day.

I wasn't able to contain my happiness and re-read our conversations, after which i realised how cringe i sounded in the texts i had send him. I wrote him a message,

"Hey, just wanted to say sorry if my

Messages were a bit cheesy and cringe.

It was actually on my bucket list to

send texts like that, and my cousins

dared me to do it for a laugh. Hope you

don't mind the silliness"

To this he replied: "cool"

After this his replies were blunt. He answered in one or two words, late replies even. So in middle of the conversation i confessed to him that i had a crush on him for a very long time and that he has an attractive, magnetic and charming personality. (Im sorry ik i sound cringe)

To this he replied: "Thank you. ☺️"

I again wrote him an apology msg:

''I'm again sorry to have weirded you out

by randomly texting you, that too, not

from my main account. It's weird ik. It's

just that I had a crush on you for a quite

awhile and it was nice talking to you."

He replied: "I could follow your main account. What is your main account. Tell me." He kept insisting.

I rejected the idea saying that i will be embarrassed if he followed me. He replied with: "cool"

I lastly texted "okay" which he hasn't seen till now although he's online most of the time and its been days now.

I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him about random things without him knowing my identity, who i am exactly. But at the same time I feel i ruined things from the start. I feel i should have kept things within me and not pull this stunt. Talking to him felt nice for a moment and i wished i could talk to him for some more time.

He has always been the most popular boy with huge friend circle and has an intimidating personality. He's the cliché main character, which is one of the reason why i dont ever wanna reveal my identity.

What should i do? I want to talk to him but at the same time i think i would seem weird doing so. Any advice?

Wholeheartedly, I do not know what to say, I really don't. I'm actually gonna leave this for others who may see this post to maybe help, because I do not know how to help you!

I appreciate you reaching out to me but I mean this in the nicest way, I am not the best person to ask about this kinda stuff, especially with this situation being pretty complicated.

You sent this a while ago, but I hope things have resolved between you and your crush.

[theastromind]

ur cool to chat with!

I was thinking its such a recent issue among general internet spaces, I mean on one hand theres people fully deluded thatll maybe overdefend but on another hand theres people waiting for an idols downfall at the same exact time. I do think for instance yoongis dui was obvi a legit crime but ppl now using it to degrade all the things he has done for bts / kpop in general and asking him to leave the group despite being their main producer, then theres ppl that really do seem to only focus on either major flaws of idols like ones who overperform or underperform, what weight an idol is or isnt (changbin lately seems the main culprit as well as jeongyeon of twice) its like they cant win these days. I do blame beauty standards as well cause so much is abt the look of an idol than what they bring and it makes them seem like robots really.

visuals is a useless position for anyone in a kpop group cause it says ehh they aint got a particular talent or part in their group lets just say theyre the face of it then? like its so old fashioned / stuck up. I dont know if its only kpop but in general pop groups are treated like dolls or an object. I do think idols dont mind people doing readings on them cause its like an outlet away from those that are hard core stans but i dont think it has to always be abt whats on the outside of a person or who their fs could be.

I also think an aspect is that either its less about actually enjoying what idols do and release and more about who can be the next target of a witch hunt. its just got so childish over recent years and I try to separate the groups I love from the broken af system theyre in but to no avail its like another week another excessive piece of non issue drama is generated.

I always think balance is the key to a lot of things in life, and that includes being a fan of someone. people need to realise that idols can make mistakes, but thats all it is, a mistake. they don't need to tear his whole career down because he made one mistake. I also kind of hate how the kpop industry puts way too much pressure on visuals, and how it can sometimes seem to be more important than the work that they do. I do think they have a lot to learn from western culture in that regard with the entertainment industry.

I honestly try and distance myself away from as much kpop drama as possible. In 2020 I became a fan of nct as I really liked yuta, and I had a yuta twitter account with about 4k followers. almost every day there was always something new in the way of drama and it would usually be within the nct fandom, which I found was the most weird thing about it. everyone had a solo stan account (before I was a multi carat account, and I still love svt) so it was weird to see people having an account for only one person in the group. some fans of the other members would turn on other members of the group and say '___ doesn't deserve to be in nct' and I was like ???? they're in the same group and you're just hating on that member because they're not your favourite? it was just wild to me. I got so overwhelmed with how much drama there was and got such bad anxiety I had to close my account. I now just have a personal and follow a few kpop accounts that post mainly photos etc. I feel like a lot of people need to maybe do the same, bc my mental health really suffered that year

[bigbroadvice]

Hi. I'm new to this whole thing so please excuse me for my directness but I'm desperately in need for an advice.

So I've been crushing on a guy in since high school. We were there together in the same college, but in different courses. We never talked, not even once. Just made eye contact a few times. Recently we both graduated college and a few days back I decided to tell him how i felt qbout him anonymously. I text him from a newly made Instagram account because I didn't want him to know who i was.

I wrote him a message appreciating how he looks in all his posts. Complimenting him and having sweet little talks with him. He seemed interested to text even though i was a complete stranger to him. He even asked where i was from and guessed that we were from the same place. I told him that i can't tell him and he seemed fine. Our first conversation ended wishing eachother a good day.

I wasn't able to contain my happiness and re-read our conversations, after which i realised how cringe i sounded in the texts i had send him. I wrote him a message,

"Hey, just wanted to say sorry if my

Messages were a bit cheesy and cringe.

It was actually on my bucket list to

send texts like that, and my cousins

dared me to do it for a laugh. Hope you

don't mind the silliness"

To this he replied: "cool"

After this his replies were blunt. He answered in one or two words, late replies even. So in middle of the conversation i confessed to him that i had a crush on him for a very long time and that he has an attractive, magnetic and charming personality. (Im sorry ik i sound cringe)

To this he replied: "Thank you. ☺️"

I again wrote him an apology msg:

''I'm again sorry to have weirded you out

by randomly texting you, that too, not

from my main account. It's weird ik. It's

just that I had a crush on you for a quite

awhile and it was nice talking to you."

He replied: "I could follow your main account. What is your main account. Tell me." He kept insisting.

I rejected the idea saying that i will be embarrassed if he followed me. He replied with: "cool"

I lastly texted "okay" which he hasn't seen till now although he's online most of the time and its been days now.

I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him about random things without him knowing my identity, who i am exactly. But at the same time I feel i ruined things from the start. I feel i should have kept things within me and not pull this stunt. Talking to him felt nice for a moment and i wished i could talk to him for some more time.

He has always been the most popular boy with huge friend circle and has an intimidating personality. He's the cliché main character, which is one of the reason why i dont ever wanna reveal my identity.

What should i do? I want to talk to him but at the same time i think i would seem weird doing so. Any advice?

I wouldn’t say anything is ruined. If he is asking to know who you are, I’d tell him. That way y’all are on equal footing. Sooner rather than later is better. Relationships of any kind are founded on shared trust and it’s going to be very hard for him to trust you if he doesn’t know who you are. People can grow a lot during college. He’s probably a different person from who he was in high school, so are you. Be honest and give yourselves a chance to get to know eachother.

[beingstalked]

The reason behind this tumblr:

My main goal here is to prove what they've done, the extent of it and show that I've never gone out my way to "stalk or harass" them like they like to make out alot of the time, the evidence I'm posting here, with written context will help others realise that. I think I got fed up of just basically asking them to leave me alone and using that as their evidence of "stalking and harassing" so instead, just post the evidence or whatever evidence I've had since it's started. I'd like to point out I've never sent any links to either of them, I've posted them on my Reddit & Facebook that they've stalked, but never directly sent a link. When these people have followed my friends, made fake accounts of me, fake accounts of people who don't exist, essentially made a new identity for themselves for the purpose of stalking me and my friends, even him trying to get this stuff taken down because he knows it proves everything he's done and that him playing the victim being like "oh I'm a man and no one believes me" when all my evidence, will clearly see there was no truth coming out either of their mouths to label them as victims in all of this. I will continue to post evidence until I fully know they've left me and my family alone, if they want to report all this evidence to the police, please do so because that will help my case (you know showing them evidence that I've not sent you but you've stalked my account to view) it will show them everything, dates, times, clear screenshots and context, I have people who have been followed by them who will vouch for me. I will happily hand my phone over to show I dont spend my days checking their social media accounts, simply because I don't care about them, I never cared, they are blocked, staying blocking, but they made this into a bigger thing than it needed to be. They couldn't just move on, oh no, but thanks to them supplying me with evidence I can now post it here, with context, so it shows who did and said what. I spent years messaging them a handful of times telling them to leave me alone, I blocked not only them, their family on social media to just stop this I got rid of social media platforms to stop it. I will keep posting, I have loads more evidence.

[baizhuo]

A farewell ( to Baizhu )! For now.

Good morning/afternoon/evening/day to my fellow writers! I genuinely wanted to make an update post about this for quite some time, I just have not been able to due to a few things. Namely that this account was sort of on the old dashboard layout, but also because I truly and genuinely have not had the motivation to be here due to the ick I have been getting here.

I will, of course, explain more under the readmore in a bit, but first, i just genuinely want to take the time to say a few more other POSITIVE notes as well!

I would like to thank you all for taking the time and interest in wanting to write with myself and with Baizhu. I do truly appreciate it. For those who have been genuine and there to read about my personal HCs for him, I do mean it when i say that it made me happy that other folks enjoyed the content I had created.

I genuinely wrote Baizhu because i enjoyed his mysterious allure and I really did, in fact, come to cherish him as a muse prior to his release. I am known to pick up characters that dont have much information on them because I feel inspired to make something incredibly unique for him. It was absolutely amazing and fun to create him as a character, and again, for those of you who have followed and have watched and seen him grow, I thank you so much. Nobody had to stick around for that, so I commend anybody who has done so this entire time.

Now... I know I have not been here for QUITE some time even before baizhu's release, because of burnout, but even after his release, i have just come to realise that.... MUCH of what i have written and created for baizhu is just simple so different than his canon. While I am more than capable of writing an alternate version of Baizhu as a completely Canon-DIVERGENT character, I also feel like it would be difficult for me as I have had to really look around and see what part of his canon would have to be retconned and what would have to just be... shifted.

And given the fact that I just had no more heart for the game either, i just simple did not want to take the time and effort to do it - even though baizhu had come to be a comfort muse for myself. On top of what the community has already made be feel like as well? To be quite frank, I just simply could not put in the effort anymore.

Perhaps on a multimuse, as a possible request muse, sure, but I can no longer keep baizhu on a single, standalone blog anymore.

For that, I do TRULY apologise.

Again, I want to thank you all for the great and fun times, but for now I must bid the blog specifically adieu, for now. Perhaps one day he will comeback just on my multimuse, but not right now.

I do still have him as a muse, on discord, through written plots and the like. so if ANYBODY would like to add me on discord, they may! My discord is the following, so please feel free to add me: ghostliie

Of course, there are actually a LOT more reasons for me having no desire to be here, and for that, i will put the rest under a read more. but understand that there were a LOT of reasons for my departure and i want folks to understand that I did GENUINELY enjoy my interactions here. I dont want any of my mutuals feeling like they did anything wrong, because they have not. and I can assure and promise you all that.

Honestly there are 2 very big and main reasons for me to not want to be here. And both are mainly due to the fact that there is a LOT of discomfort for me to be here.

The FIRST reason is that, I have grown absolutely weary and worn of the actual GenPact community. The Fanon takes are hot and, quite frankly, I do not enjoy them. But its also the OwO-ification of many characters and the general UwU attitudes of the fandom as a whole that makes me rather sick. Its really discomforting that characters are being watered and washed down to the point of jokes, and I simply just do not like that.

People are entitled to write however they wish and see fit, it just is not something I personally bode well myself. I enjoy complex characters with nuanced histories. Now, I understand that, perhaps, this may not be the fandom for that, but, of course, this is why i personally cater my own dash to what i like. people should know that I follow people for their writing and for them as the writer, not for their muses. It is just truly unfortunate that.... It still feels a bit suffocating for me to be here regardless. And I have come to notice that.... it TRULY is just the fandom community as a whole. I have been on other blogs of mine and it is honestly so very odd to feel completely different on my other dashes than I do on here.

It's heartbreaking for me to say the least, but I just no longer want to feel anxious anymore. I also want to be taken seriously, not as some joke either. and.... If i had to be frank, I have, indeed, had some rather NASTY interactions with baizhu and a few other genshin muses that i just simply will no longer tolerate seeing anymore.

There is this sort of cringe culture that really permeates the community, and i just do not have the tolerance keep trying to cater to what i like. I.E. there is too much of it for me to cater, so I would rather take my leave than to stick around.

Now... Onto the SECOND reason for me to leaving.... for those who may or may not know, I had made a post about a certain individual who is/was EXTREMELY frequent in the community a long while ago. For those who would like that post, it is this post right here. ( Mind, this is NOT a callout, and I want people to understand that I want her to be left alone. ) But, in all honesty, ever since the fallout with her, i simply just do not want be in the same vicinity or social circle as her.

She also clearly does not realise how the law works because if she had, she would understand that I live in a place where single-party consent is allowed. ( I had to record our last phone conversation because knowing her, she would absolutely gaslight, manipulate, and try mentally and emotion abuse me like she had for quite some time. ) But overall, My qualms with her are MOSTLY personal, however aside from the fact that she is absolutely lying about her race now ( she is MOSTLY white, has admitted to me that she is mostly white - and has said i would experience more racism than her if i were to be in her town - and she does, in fact, have white privilege - she LOOKS white and SHOULD acknowledge this if she is writing herself down as something else ). But that's neither here nor there.

This is all to say that my experience with her had boiled down to her being extremely acephobic towards me. She infantalised me multiple times and would never take me seriously. And then had the gall to call me a narcissist and said that i didn't give her the 'attention' that she herself admitted to. ( and again for anybody who doesn't believe me, I have the entire phone conversation and receipts to prove this ). She was abusive towards me and was/is EXTREMELY unapologetic for it.

I can admit my own faults as well, and I have indeed apologised to her about it, but she refuses to do the same to me. And I dont want to be near somebody who was abusive to me.

AGAIN THIS IS NOT A CALLOUT, so please do NOT go at her for any reason. I simply am explaining that.... her active presence in the GenPact community greatly discomforts me. She was a rather toxic individual towards me, and I simply do not feel comfortable being near or in a community that she is in.

I also do not want to force people to pick sides either, because that is so extremely unfair to them as well. But it doesn't change the fact that i don't feel comfortable being so close to her since our circle of moots are similar. So, therefore, I will be leaving.

And before anybody dares to tell me that i am just trying to shit-stir or anything. I really am not. she is accusing me of things that she is doing herself and had HARD projected that shit on me. I simply do not condone that at all. i have the proof to show that as well, to show that I genuinely am not blowing smoke up my ass. Most of it is provided on this carrd i have made about it. ( minus the last interaction we had. ) But again, I have the phone conversation and recording as well.

AGAIN, i am simply explaining WHY i am leaving and what has caused me to feel so distressed and uncomfortable on this blog. Please don't attack anybody or anything. I am being incredibly generalised here on purpose, but if anybody wants to know and understand the full situation, so they can make their own decision, they may ask, i will not hide anything. My discord has been listed above, so please feel free to ask me on discord. I will add anybody to have that convo.

Anyway.... I have found comfort in other places, included an OC of mine, so I prefer to be elsewhere. If you would LIKE the location of my current whereabouts, you MAY ask. However, not on this blog. For I will most likely not answer.

You may also try my MultiMuse @ghstlie if you so wish and desire, but it is currently LOW ACTIVITY.

But otherwise, I bid you all a lovely farewell. I do apologise again. And I wish you ALL the very best.

[eastons-creations]

HEY RANDOM THING IM REALLY SORRY I JUST REALISED IM COMPLETELY SPAM LIKING EVERYTHING YOU POST 😭😭 I REALLY DIDNT MEAN TO THIS IS JUST A NEW ACCOUNT AND YOU WERE THE FIRST PERSON I FOLLOWED SO ALL OF YOUR STUFF IS ON MY FEED AND IM SORRY 😭😭😭

OH MY GOSH NO DONT BE SORRY

it made me happy (: