#posting this will not only motivate me but also remind me this exists lmao

[lunakataaahhh-1228]

IT WAS HOT AS HELL TODAY, IM MELTING, IM SLEEPY BUT I SKETCHED MY GUY FAILURE MALE KAMA ANYWAYS I couldn’t stop thinking about him today for whatever reason

I’ll fix it later on tomorrow since I kinda actually want to color it properly and what not

[genericpuff]

Public service reminder: I love y'all for your support in what I do here, but (a very gentle but) I want to make it clear that this isn't the way-

Names are censored for obv privacy reasons and I don't want to put any of my own readers on blast because I trust comments like these are made with good intention. I appreciate y'all for loving what I do here and putting it out there for others to read along, but I don't do it for this. As much as Rekindled is indeed a parody redraw of LO that's trying to "fix" a lot of the original comic's issues, at the end of the day it's still just a Tumblr project that I'm doing here for fun and I don't want to see it used as ammunition in the comments sections dedicated specifically to LO (for clarification, this was in the @webtoonofficial announcement post for LO winning its third Eisner).

Whether or not it's "better" than LO is subjective and irrelevant. I obviously can't pretend like I didn't have my own motivations to "fix" what I felt was broken, but the act of "fixing" was for those of us who saw it as broken, not for those who love LO as is.

I also can't reasonably ask anyone to keep their opinions about Rekindled to themselves, it's a piece of work that is publicly available and therefore that will put it under the lens of public opinion, but from me to you, this ain't the way. I host it on Tumblr and DH precisely to keep it out of the main view of the fans/stans, because this work isn't for them, it's for all of you who share my disappointment in the original series. I want to be able to run this space free of any extreme fandom discourse - this is also why you won't see me using general LO tags on Tumblr/IG - but the only way that can happen is if we all play nice and don't let the heat of the discourse get to us. Rest assured, I will always stand by my work and what I do here because I love it and have found my lost joy in what LO used to mean to me through it as well as a community of amazing writers and creators... but prevention is better than the cure and I don't want any of that heat getting thrown back my way through weaponizing of my work with or without my knowing in the first place.

Am I pissed about the comic's third win? Absolutely. And as much as I feel it isn't worth anyone's time or energy to get into bickering matches with the stans in these comment sections, those opinions regarding the comic pre-exist my participation in this fandom and would have, one way or another, hit that boiling point regardless (and it's been wild to watch that comment section go down, I can't lie lmao) But this is not the way. Rekindled is - to me, and hopefully to you, too - a reclaiming of the love and passion people like myself used to have for LO, and a celebration of Greek myth and transformative fiction as a genre, above everything else it stands for or could be interpreted as. It's not a weapon meant to be used in discourse. Let's please do our best to be mindful of that so we can keep having fun in this special little space we've carved for ourselves and not make ourselves into the monsters we're often made out to be just for critically discussing and transforming a piece of media that, in spite of all its flaws, brought us together in the way that it did. Let's keep being the best for each other instead of turning ourselves into the worst over others within this massive fandom who we were never going to agree with in the first place.

Thank you all, much love 💖 Do no harm, take no shit ✊️

[oflights]

thinking about this excellent post again from @messiahzzz with great tags added by @beautifulcrownobserves and i remembered that, in my last playthrough, when we talked to the emperor right before confronting the brain for the final time and he was like "we need another plan", a crown-neutral gale reminded everyone that he can just use the orb and end it.

and the emperor's like (i just looked it up to get it right): "Your hubris drives you even now. You failed before, I cannot trust that you will not fail again."

he's straight up like "nah you didn't kill yourself last time so i don't trust you, pussy" which is fucking rude first of all lmao. but it also sets up "hubris" (which again, in this very instance, is really only a problem because mystra's mad about it) as juxtaposed to suicide. i feel like this response is probably dependent on other factors (i feel like the emperor was all for it for origin gale, and may have suggested it?? but i can't remember) and it's obviously not true, gale can go the fully neutral route, leave the crown, and still survive and be okay.

but it's still weird how the game pits these motivations against each other. and in the scene the emperor's talking about, gale doesn't "fail" to kill himself because of the crown; he sees the crown and then he's like "all right, time for me to do this" and then ultimately decides not to because it will kill his companions. that's significant to me! he's not like "wait i can't do this, i need to see what that crown's about" and he's not even like "wait i can't kill myself that would be crazy", it's really about the people around him.

when he starts on the road to the crown, you can talk him out of it purely by helping him with his self-worth. the crown or obtaining godhood isn't what keeps him from being willing to detonate the orb, either, because he'll still do that if it's needed. gale lives, as himself, once he's convinced that he's worth that. his good ending isn't really about overcoming hubris in the sense that he learns his place, which is the lesson the gods want you to learn about it. instead, he learns that his existence as a mortal is pretty great, and he can still do amazing things, and he doesn't have to die or ascend to make the world a better place.

[leolingo]

(long post about purgatory and meta and rp)

sigh one thing ive been thinking is that it feels a bit unfair to see so many people complaining or doomposting over how purgatory affects the overarching qsmp rp story or how it ~interrupted arcs~ or is ~disturbing current storylines~ or ~narratively unsatisfying~ like. Sure. its a bit abrupt and most players were caught off guard because lore-wise it stems from the federation which means none of them were told about anything beforehand

but... its only been three days. maybe we could have a little faith? like idk ill be soooooo out there rn and say that maybe the admins did this now for a reason. maybe itll make sense later on. we already see lore repercussions with elquackity and his motives and all the nods to the eggs.

theres fair criticism to be made (when done respectfully) if youre mainly here for the roleplay but i feel like we sometimes need to remind ourselves that the qsmp storytelling is a VERY ambitious project. lmao. imagine being the writing team and trying to wrangle 20+ characters with distinct points of view and journeys on an ever-changing story because of the very nature of live rp. its practically IMPOSSIBLE to tie up every loose end neatly and at this point i dont think we should expect that. keeping up momentum with all plotlines must also be pretty hard, cc's schedules and outside factors like server programming and building and mod tweaking and all those meta elements considered and so on and so on

i DO also want the story to move forward and be cohesive and make sense in a satisfactory way. like i really do!!!!!!! but i try to understand that thats not ALL the qsmp is about. from the start quackity said the server wouldn't be exclusive to the rp aspect. it sure is that way right now, but thats because most of the active members are VERY passionate about roleplaying. thats a good thing! they have fun and its fun to watch and the experience is mostly good for everyone because it corresponds to their expectations to an extent

the thing about purgatory is that i feel like its a lot more meta than most people doomposting realize. it ties into the story, sure, but to me it feels like the sudden switch in environment and vibes and stakes isnt actually catered to the rp and thats FINE. like thats not what it exists for and thats fineeeeeee

pac for one has said he appreciates the event for the change of pace, though its very hard (lol), because regular qsmp was starting to feel a bit stale to him and he was kind of running out of things to do. THATS A GREAT THING! managing player engagement like that is awesome and sometimes necessary. YES, purgatory caters to a very different playstyle than what we're used to -- and thats one of its strenghts.

a lot of hispanic creators have also felt this!!!! roier, rivers and carre most prominently have been VERY excited about this event because its similar in format to a lot of spanish speaking events like mc extremo and such. a lot of these players are also not particularly interested in rp-ing and had not been logging on very often prior to purgatory.

even roleplay regulars like tubbo, fit and bbh have shown interest in purgatory for the competitive nature of the setting!!! thats cool too!!!! something different, new possibilities to play around with. thats what the events should be about. kudos to the admins and dev teams for attempting it in such a big scale. their effort shows and all the mechanics weve seen are really fucking cool

i love the roleplay!!!!!! its one of my favorite parts of the qsmp!!!!!! but its not ALL there is and it shouldnt be! non rp-oriented creators are also part of the project and deserve to have a little fun too -- not to mention a big chunk of the hispanic fan community that has blown up twitter with support bc what we have rn is similar to events they already love!!!!!!! im glad to see so many of them get excited again!!!!!!

at the end of the day, qsmp is a LONG long term project, and purgatory ends in two weeks. by the time its over, we can all choose to engage with it as we wish. it can be a big filler episode in your mind, if you want. it can be just for fun..... otherwise, if its not fun, your regularly scheduled qsmp will be back soon anyway :3 its fine to not like it, its fine to have something negative to say about it if properly tagged and not like. crazy entitled or blown out of proportion for what this situation is.

i just hope we can all manage our online experiences accordingly and avoid making things less enjoyable for each other. this is supposed to be fun

[dragondream-ing]

It’s kinda funny to me that even team black fans get vicious with other team black fans if they disagree with their interpretation of a character or event or rumor. Now, there are some wild or dubious claims about canon, and I get shutting those down or insisting they be treated with skepticism. But there are also genuine disagreements that, imo, don’t deserve the vitriol.

I am not talking about things we *know*, like dates and events and crucial elements of the characters’ relationships and personalities. I’m talking about the things we *cannot* know because the sources and Gyldayn simply can’t and don’t have access to every inner thought or belief of the characters. Those same sources can’t and don’t have knowledge of everything the characters did and why they did it. Those sources have their own viewpoints and bias, and so they might have witnessed or heard things that they didn’t write down because they deemed those things unimportant or counter to their bias. They might have elevated information that had little factual basis because they trusted the source it came from or it confirmed their bias (*cough* Sara Snow’s entire existence). That’s the beauty of F&B. It isn’t a novel, it isn’t a dry accounting of events, it is a history book written after the events by a maester raised in a post-Dance, post-dragons world with his own belief system, and the sources he used are limited and imperfect.

Because of the nature of the book, I would never claim my interpretation of a character is the definitive truth, only that it seems most plausible to me. I know who Rhaenyra isn’t, but I don’t know all that she is. I know who Daemon isn’t, but I don’t know all that he is. I can’t, and neither can anyone else, because the sources themselves didn’t and couldn’t. F&B is written in a way to obscure and distort at least some of the truth. GRRM isn’t an idiot, he studied journalism and history in college, he knew exactly what he was doing and he well understood the pitfalls and complications of primary sources and secondary literature. It’s not his fault that many of his fans don’t lmao (and yes, I blame HBO for the increase in stupidity, but I digress).

There are many things we know for sure (which makes the shitshow’s manipulation or removal of all the *literal facts* extra infuriating; now we have people claiming those facts are unreliable even when they are among the few things that are reliable). But I’m sorry to say, there is MUCH that is unknown.

The characters do not have their own POVs. That creates fertile ground for different interpretations of them and their motivations, even if some aspects of both are clearly defined. And entertaining those interpretations isn’t bad faith. I know we all like to think we have the One True Interpretation of our fave characters, but in F&B, even the most fleshed-out characters don’t speak in their own words with their own voice. We are reading them in the voices of other people, and those people have their own perspectives, biases, and agendas. That’s why I love the book so much, it reminds me of my days writing my history dissertation and trying to identify the societal influence and personal bias of the people I studied (sorry, I’m a bit of a nerd lol)

I know we are used to fighting team green and years of wild GOT shenanigans, but come on. I’ve seen people absolutely lose their shit because other fans disagree over the degree to which Daemon wanted a Valyrian wife. Another one I love is the fury over Valyrian customs. Some people believe the Targaryens might have continued practicing some Valyrian customs, while others believe they were true followers of the Seven (other than incest). Literally who cares?? The book doesn’t include much on this topic, but why is it so offensive that some readers think the Targaryens truly converted or that they held to their beliefs more than the maesters and septons claimed? We don’t actually KNOW because the sources wouldn’t have been privy to everything, especially things the royal family did privately, and extra especially when the conversion was for political reasons (as confirmed by GRRM) and the Targaryens would’ve had ever reason to hide customs deemed heretical by the majority religion. This, to me, is a completely inoffensive difference in interpretation, and I cannot fathom why some people view it as akin to team green stans claiming book Alicent was a child bride.

There are degrees of difference in which readers believe the sources of F&B, which I think contributes to diverging interpretations, and we should acknowledge that this is a personal choice. If you give more credence to certain sources, you’re going to come away with a different view of a character than if you don’t, and that’s okay! That’s how interpreting primary sources works, and that’s part of why historians can write books using the same bank of sources and come to different conclusions. Another reason is someone coming along that looks at those sources from a different perspective, or pays attention to sources other historians had ignored. For example, most historians pre-1970 didn’t think to check the records of the wives of politicians, so when others went back through the archives, there were tons of revelations missed by earlier scholars. This just goes to show secondary sources, aka Gyldayn, also have their limitations, viewpoints and/or bias.

A lot of people don’t even stop to question the sources. Some people put a lot more stock in Mushroom’s account than I ever would (the shitshow didn’t cast him, but it sure used his dubious claims). Some people think Eustace was pretty much a straight shooter bar a few exceptions, which I completely disagree with. Gyldayn is also a problem for me, he’s a bit of a weirdo and perv. Tbh I don’t trust any of them. Could be because I was trained to interrogate sources, not trust them, but I’d rather do that than blindly believe someone like Orwyle. It’s up to every reader to decide what seems most plausible.

And no, that doesn’t mean everything is fair game. Some things are blatantly untrue, like the bizarre metas I’ve seen claiming the character ages in the shitshow are the actual true ages lmao

Trust in a source isn’t necessary to glean facts, and from these accounts we *can* learn about the Dance, so it’s all about assessing what’s a fact, what’s propaganda, what’s exaggerated but true, what’s true but unspoken, what’s a bald-faced lie or a lie of omission, etc. And with a book like F&B with biased sources and rumors and contradictions, there will be genuine differences in interpretation that are in good faith. It isn’t fair to act like these differences are headcanons pulled out of thin air.

If you want to argue what you believe is more likely, that’s fine, but what’s the point of shitting on other fans that read the book and made their own informed opinion? Some pieces of evidence and supposition are more compelling to me but may not be as compelling to someone else. These differences are fair and good faith and shouldn’t be reduced to “you didn’t read right” or “you didn’t read at all.” And if someone claims that of other book fans, they should have the humility to admit their interpretation might not be entirely right either. Only GRRM can know the full truth, and tbh, I’m not even sure he does because that man can be contradictory af 😂

And yes, I used this as an excuse to nerd out over analyzing primary sources. Even historians that leave the ivory tower retain their obnoxious urge to pour over and question primary sources, and that extends to fictional ones.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

an/other thing/s, Of Course

rifling through things again going like "oh yeah, That" & "hmm making connections. great work, me" & "huzzah forgot that entirely / what a delight as always to revisit things" & Pointing these couple times

reminded of wondering "wait did another sibling die in infancy or are they always just out of frame, infantly. or is their mom coincidentally babysitting at the moment" and in a real feat was like alright a wiki sure might have these answers, i'll open it & look things up. indeed telling me an infant hannah was a sibling, died. then going "oh right you're telling me What lmfaooo" re: the wiki's timeline asserting that Mordecai's First Murder(tm) was four years before the fleeing on a train incident?? murder of "opportunism and revenge" like What is going on there lmao, a lot at once, apparently. providing more of a quote that i'm just taking for granted Exists rather than perhaps have to wayback cited sources: "He extorted money from someone who had previously worked for and who had, in a way, betrayed him and indirectly cost his already depleted family a great deal. What he managed to get from this individual was a frustrating pittance, though, so believing himself to be smarter and more capable, he murdered him and took his place as a relatively minor player in a larger criminal network. He used the to position to embezzle money from higher-ups, at first to make up for what was lost and later, because he could. Eventually, inevitably, he got caught." that little Mystery Solving thing where you sure just don't have enough info until you do lmao like What! out here going "starts as a bookkeeper. probably does some embezzling wuh oh" like no way am i inferring "yeah but also previously worked for, indirectly kind of betrayed by some bookkeeper, Got His Ass i.e. killed and replaced him like hello yes it's me, That Guy? working remotely? what Comedy played out in replacing him lmfao and Then embezzles and Then gets in trouble for that" like hello!!! amazing. another win for looking things up ever after all.

which does kind of ramp things up, also. figured "i do remember mordecai's dad died at some point in his childhood & the entire poor tenement living conditions issue & combining that & general socioeconomicpolitical factors it's like well yeah sure so he gets into bookkeeping for perhaps less than legitimate(tm) enterprises, does some less than Definitely Not Embezzling" was motivation for things enough, sure, then like oh uh hello murder years before fleeing??? but add in a sibling dying for increased sense of insecurity and some kind of especial acute crisis specifically uponst this family by some specific party Fucking Around like ah right sure. doling the Finding Out and more broadly being in tempestuous situations always from some point onwards, gotcha.

and well the only thing about the little atlas & mordecai photograph is "oh right i forgot there was that photograph of these two" and the other remarkable point being like, can't really think of another time mordecai is ever shown so Wide Eyed in a "neutral" mode of being. rather than elevatedly bothered, whether at the level of "quite unsettled &/or irritated" or the level quite above that of "trying to kill someone before they kill him and it's extra tricky / urgent" which is very neat of him (to shift o_o mode for that, namely. thank you mordecai for the Drama as always. real [!] visuals) and it's like, maybe it's to cue his being younger? sure has real I'm Baby design, even with also "yeowch. sharp" and resting bitch face design, additionally. complimentary. was gonna be like "sure don't know when it was taken or how quickly this particular of the job was further presented to him, but maybe it's about having a few dozen fewer kills under his belt or something. but like damn never mind even getaway train mordecai was like been there, ["you son of a bitch i told you i'd do it. you're next (i'm referring to a specific post edit lmao. but you can imagine)"]'d that....still perhaps several dozen fewer kills and, you know, kind of a wash to consider the specifics beyond that when it's like sure maybe that'd make him look unhappier in pictures or maybe there's reaching the point of having to adjust to that new norm here. rather than that even with motivation, probably baby's first murder is more difficult than the implicit second through fourth required to Not Be Killed himself. or maybe not. much to consider; all speculative. maybe it's another impromptu unexpected snapshot. maybe he's glad to take a pic with just atlas &/or doing so feels more like a Portrait & this is still his Portrait Face. presumably he wouldn't have had many, or any at all, taken in years. and atlas mustering half a half smile like another giddily joyful day with the boys

[lilflowerpot]

hello flower! i’ve never submitted an ask to tumblr before, but i just wanted to say this.

(btw, everything in this post is true. it’s kinda an unbelievable story)

i’ve been a fan of LB since it’s publish! i’m pretty sure i discovered it in mid 2018, so i’ve been here for a long time!

i’ve been following ur writing for years and watched you improve annually. i fell in love with your story and writing extremely quickly, and i always looked forward to your new chapters. i distinctly remember feeling ecstatic when keith finally revealed his face !!

however, in 2019, i suffered a catastrophic head injury whilst skiing, which caused me to lose most - if not all - my memories. in truth, i should of died or been in a coma, but i escaped with some critical injuries instead. a broken neck, fractured skull, broken eye socket, the whole shebang lol.

luckily, i was not paralyzed, and i can say now that my recovery has been well! i’m back to being fully functional (sometimes) except for a couple motor control issues.

but the real problem was my memory, i could remember my family and relationships, but i forgot practically every fundamental fact about myself, including my middle name. additionally, i suffered a lot from aphasia and neuro problems which made me struggle to understand sounds coming from people if that makes sense. to cure this, my mom and dad introduced me to (guess what!) voltron. they knew it was my fav show before the crash, so in a sense, they tried to reignite my memories and help work on my sensory processing ability.

i fell in love with the show - again- and watched it during my recovery. probably the only reason i can talk today is because of vld! i find it a little ironic that despite losing myself in the crash, i came full circle. and u can probably guess what happens next!

in 2021, i rediscovered ur fic whilst in the voltron tab. it kinda shocked me to see “Visited: 309” under the fic because i had no recollection of ever reading it. the person i was before must’ve loved it, so i gave it a shot! (btw, me before crash and me now i consider different ppl)

so, i began to read, every word from start to finish. and, as cheesy as it sounds, i think i fell in love again. my recovery has been endlessly difficult and was particularly rough 2020-2021, so this kinda supported me in a way. seeing the growing number of how many times i visited LB reminded me that i had existed the day before.

to give context, every morning i woke up, i would forget almost everything abt myself. eventually that got resolved, but it was jarring. so, seeing that number rise, and reliving the joy of reading LB for the first time gave me hope.

LB means so much to me for this reason. sometimes when it felt like i was losing my humanity to depression and pain, it reminded me that, out there, the previous versions of me were hoping to read LB again. in a sense, i was motivated to read the new chapters as an ode to my previous-day self if that makes sense.

now, 7 months after successfully waking up and remembering the previous day, i am writing this with tears in my eyes. i am writing this with a smile, and i’m writing this with the hope that it reminds you that your literature has saved me, and i’m sure countless other people.

in a way, i view LB as the sunrise. even though there’s the chance that tomorrow never comes, the sunrise serves as a reminder that the previous day existed, and that there are more sunrises to look forward to.

and, to be honest, i think that if i woke up forgetting everything everyday, id be okay with it because i get to read your fic for the first time - again. also, the humor in it is 10/10 haha!!

(also, if u were wondering or worried, i’m also okay with waking up with no memories do to other things and not just LB. incase u were worried that i’m strictly dependent on LB, which i’m not LMAO)

i would’ve submitted this a couple months ago, but i couldn’t put it into words. i don’t think i can possibly explain what you and your fic means to me, so the sun over the horizon will have to do.

even if you think that it’s cheesy that a goofy voltron fic means so much to someone, i hope you find it in yourself to treasure your talent and skill in writing.

i’m so excited for the next chapter, and the next sunrise i get to see <3

here is a pic of the sun i took this morning. thank you for writing, and reading this really long ask. there’s no pressure to respond, although it would be cool to see, but i hope you read this nonetheless. btw u can publish the response if u were wondering.

sincerely,

D <3

I have been trying quite desperately to compose an answer to this one since it first appeared in my inbox, and at this point I don't know that I'll ever be able to do you justice, but two months is far too long for you to have waited for something of this magnitude, so please bear with me while I endeavour to do my absolute best.

First and foremost, I am so sorry for everything you've been through (though I can only assume you've heard that sentiment ad nauseam, so do forgive me if you're sick of it), but more than that I am distinctly and unbelievably proud of the grace with which you seem to have taken such catastrophe in stride. I couldn't possibly claim comprehend the true scope of all that you've endured, but I hope in some small way it might give you,,, comfort? a sense of camaraderie maybe? to know that aphasia is something I'm intimately familiar with as a recurrent symptom of my migraines, due to them being hemiplegic in nature, so I know the frustration of being unable to comprehend sounds you know you should recognise- being unable to articulate your own thoughts- feeling half trapped inside your own damn skull- all too well, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, least of so sweet a soul as yourself.

My darling, I'll say again: I am //fiercely fucking proud// of you, for not only enduring but in truth overcoming all that you have. Though we do not know one another, this message alone bleeds with such admirable strength of character that I cannot think you anything less than a remarkable and resilient individual, and to know that my writing could in any capacity support you through such an ordeal is both an honour and a privilege.

All my love,

lilflowerpot ♡

[legend-of-cupcake]

Okay I finally have time to write my thoughts about chapter 96, so lets just get right into it!

Very interesting that Nene decided to not mention Sumire’s fate to Kou and Hanako, you’d think she would’ve said something, considering she also learnt some important information about yorishiros. It looks like Nene is taking a page out of Hanako’s book through lying by omission. 

I went back and checked every translation of chapter 95 I could find, Sakura absolutely did not say this at all. Nene, once again, is sorta lying by omission here. Yes, she’s correct in saying that it’s fine to not destroy the remaining yorishiros, but she’s neglecting to inform the boys of why it’s fine for her to not do it. 

To me, it seems like Nene is going to start forming her own agenda. I said before that while its true she doesn’t truly want to die, Nene is the self sacrificing type. I think, she will come to the conclusion that destroying the yorishiros may be for the best for everyone, and will carry out that conclusion knowing full well she will die. She won’t tell Hanako, because he’s already proven multiple times that he will go to the extreme for her sake-- even going as far as to try and kill her best friend-- so in that regards she knows she can’t tell him.

Speaking of Hanako...

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the first time he’s actually spoke about Tsukasa without the context of the murder??? It’s really interesting to see even a glimpse of Hanako’s perspective of Tsukasa-- or Hanako’s perspective of anything honestly because that boy is so mysterious. It seems even he doesn’t understand how Tsukasa thinks or what his motivations are, and he seems so... sad about it. Tsukasa is his little brother, who he loves more than anything, and Hanako doesn’t even understand him. That must cut him deep. 

((It also makes you wonder just how aware is Hanako of everything Tsukasa has been through… Does he know Tsukasa sacrificed himself at 4 years old for Hanako’s sake? Does he know about the red house? Does Hanako truly know anything about what happened to Tsukasa??))

Actually that reminds me of another certain boy...

Tsukasa also doesn’t seem to really understand Hanako either, even convincing himself he’s hated after 1 single argument, but this is a bit more understandable since Tsukasa here is literally only 4 years old.

But it’s an interesting parallel, that both the twins don’t seem to think they really understand each other, despite living both their lives and afterlives together. I don’t think I’ve seen a worse case of bad communication lmao

But anyway, this also means Hanako and Tsukasa are definitely not working together!! I know at some points it sometimes seemed like they were in cahoots, but Hanako truly does not seem to be lying in this chapter, he isn’t putting on one of his usual facades and he also isn’t looking away like he sometimes does when lying. So in my opinion this case is closed, Hanako and Tsukasa are working towards their own goals. (If you want to know my opinion on Tsukasa’s goal, I made a post sometime ago and I still think it holds up) 

Moving on...

I think this is the first time Hanako has acknowledged Sakura’s existence I believe? The theorist in me wants to get excited because I previously theorised that Sakura was the one who told Hanako about making a wish to god, but from the way he speaks about her here... I don’t know, I just get the vibe that maybe that’s not true anymore? He didn’t even call her by name, just “Tsukasa’s assistant”, which he could’ve gotten from his reunion with Tsukasa 

Only time will tell with this one, but I do believe Sakura will be playing a bigger role as the story reaches the final arcs. She knows way more than she should, and frankly I still believe she’s related to god in some aspect (if she isn’t god herself that is). 

Last thing I want to say about Hanako... 

I mentioned it very briefly before more as a joke, but it does seem while he is apologetic for his actions, Hanako hasn’t changed his ways. If an opportunity comes up again that may benefit Nene’s lifespan, Hanako is absolutely going to do it, even if it’s shady. At most, I can see him being more willing to take Nene’s feelings into consideration, but Hanako has a horrible habit of ignoring her decisions and freewill, so who knows. 

I do hope he learns to rely on Nene and Kou, he would benefit so much from having their support.

The last thing I want to talk about in specific is Aoi...

This panel says it all for me, how Aoi acted while she was with No. 6 was not her being “brainwashed” like Nene seems to believe. It seems whatever No. 6 did to her, made another side of Aoi come out that she keeps buried deep down, very similar to how Yako described herself when her rumour had been changed.

And that’s why Aoi makes that face, because what she did to Nene was her still being herself... just another side of herself that she never shows. I mean, she said it herself: 

She did it of her own free will. 

And the fact that Nene doesn’t recognise Aoi at that time as... well Aoi, it must’ve been hurtful to her. And instead of owning up, she keeps it a secret, like she does with everything else. I hope these girls can just be honest with each other in the near future :((

Andddd last thing I want to mention!!

It’s a very interesting detail that Aoi has no feeling in her right hand. We don’t have enough information right now, but I’m wondering if this happened because Aoi’s hand is considered technically dead? It had almost completely rotted away in the far shore after all. 

And although Akane promises to find a way to heal it, how can you possibly heal something like that?

Unless... he goes to the clock keepers for help.

Perhaps this will be how we will start off the next arc, and how we will finally be able to learn about No.1′s yorishiro. And I’m sure we are in for more time travel shenanigans while we’re at it lmao 

Well that’s it for all my main thoughts on chapter 96!! Since it’s just an intermission chapter, there isn’t too much to go on in terms of theories, but there’s enough info drops to keep me sustained for the next month XD

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Uncle snuffy and cousin Lorenzo >>>> but YAY glad you’re enjoying writing we all know that means you’re cooking o7 Very curious to see your take on kiyora I bet it’ll mirror the next epinagi ch (which is kinda soon I think??)

No same I think it was just out in there for comedic effect…? Not to actually be taken like he was groping them because I mean he specializes in muscle growth and body strengthening…..like he kinda needs to know like the composition of their bodies and their builds so he can create a plan catered to their development…?? Like yeah if anything Reo and chigiri just looked shocked LMAO I sometimes find his personality a little overbearing (him holding a grudge against Isagi is funny but also ridiculous at the same time) but I’ve never taken that first moment of him assessing the boys in a creepy way….

Ok no because wait a Reo Isagi team up?? I even seen some of their little duo interactions but imagine them duoing in soccer plays lowk they would probably do so well?? I also kinda loved their little interactions give us more?? Where Reo isn’t hating Isagi ofc but NAGI HIORI TEAM UP I’m adding this to the manifestation list….i know their stage actors for the recent stage play posted pictures together in character of them gaming together LMAO I would love to see them as a duo both in a soccer setting and in gaming someday…would go hard fr…NAGI AND KAISER OR NOA LMAOO I think this all just proves that pairing nagi and Reo with other people really helps bring out some of their personalities and sides of them we don’t see when they’re together…

OOOO yes I think that’s a good estimate…not super star 20+ but definitely a few…I agree I can’t see him getting absolutely 0 LOL

Waittt I lowk did not think of all of these parallels between Rin and Nagi?? Shit your so right LMAO I esp love the lazy vs hardworking genius difference and their differing soccer motives…Nagi losing motivation after he beats Isagi but we see rin working his ass off to crush sae….Im laughing Rin aggressively roasting players and Nagi passive aggressively roasting players…I wanna see those interactions with Nagi and hiori and others if Rin ever de-emos LMAOO that lowk reminds me of Hiori being the only one to help him up after Shidou busted up his nose I always laugh because wdym Reo and Bachira are standing right next to him just watching

OOOOOOOH IM EXCITED also based off the info I gathered kiyora doesn’t seem as aggressive in some interactions as I’d originally thought! He definitely still is feisty but when he’s talking about his interests I guess or isn’t provoked it’s kinda cute LMAO either way Kiyora tidbits even if it doesn’t do much for the fic (I’m sure you’re probably spot on anyways LOL) It’s kinda sorta long so I’ll leave a separate ask for it (my formatting skills are also kinda shit so if something doesn’t make sense lmk)

ALL GOOD go touch that grass!! LMAO dw about needing to respond all that fast as long as you aren’t dying that’s all that matters o7 On busy days I’ll usually only check tumblr after I’m settled anyways too so I might also be slow sometimes

PAUSE NAGI KIJA??? Wait a minute….ive def seen that art but didn’t connect the dots you’re so right??? With all the yotd we’ve been talking about lately maybe we’ll manifest a reboot into existence

- Karasu anon

AHHHH i hope it’s good!! i’ll elaborate more on your ask w the kiyora notes but i think for the most part i got him pretty well?? he’s a little more aggressive/violent in my version but it’s also an au where it makes sense for him to be like that + the reader doesn’t rlly know him that well so i think (hope?? 😟) it’s okay 😰

HAHA no you’re so real he’s honestly very ridiculous to me but he also kinda serves cunt i just feel like he would be so funny to talk to plus i kinda love him and yukimiya as a duo…handsome tall muscular soccer player model adopting handsome tall muscular soccer player model is so 🤩 also the parallel of chris being obsessed w physical perfection vs yukimiya’s struggles w his body (specifically his eyes) like wow…idk crazy potential there for a really cool fic maybe that’ll be part of yuki’s chapter in the oaeu?? since i don’t really have any other ideas for him yet 🤔 we will see i suppose 😭 and agreed it just felt silly goofy random to me i didn’t even realize other people took it seriously 😰

NO BECAUSE AN ISAGI REO TEAM UP WOULD BE CRAZY GOOD isagi’s adaptability + reo’s ability to copy literally anyone would mesh soooo well together because no matter the situation reo can come up with some ability to get out of it and then isagi can adapt to whatever reo throws at him so it forces both of them to think on their feet (reo also has meta vision and he’s physically peak so he can def keep up w isagi unlike kurona in bm vs ubers) and react to what’s going on as it happens…plus i think reo being forced to get along w isagi on field would be mega development for him (they were so cute in the shibuya chapter when reo asks him and bachira if they want to do karaoke they def have bestie potential) honestly the more i think abt it the more i’m like MISSED OPPORTUNITY 😩 plus it would make nagi and isagi’s rivalry more unpredictable because now nagi has to figure out how to match the reosagi combo (and maybe that’s what awakens hiori?? like damn if THIS loser can put in effort then maybe i should too) and like a hiori nagi combo would also be sooo fun 😭 THE THOUGHT KAISER AND NAGI IS GENUINELY CRACKING ME UP kaiser’s like “you’re a baby chick 😒” thinking he rlly cooked w that one and nagi is just like “L + ratio + ugly ass haircut + blue washes you out + your mom” (the last one hits kaiser hard even though nagi doesn’t even mean it like that fr) meanwhile nagi w noel noa is just like “ok coach what do we do isagi is beating us” and noel noa is like “bruh idk figure it out” and then nagi just pulls off one of his insane unrealistic goals which draws a little 🙂 out of noel noa LMAOAOAO and you cannot tell me that chris prince wouldn’t LOVE isagi if he was his coach…like this kid is so dedicated to breaking down his body and becoming the best version of himself to play soccer that’s exactly chris’s brand!!

LMAOO reo sensed rin’s insanity very early on he was staying five feet away i have to respect it…no because rin and nagi give such mean girl energy like they would be that duo that constantly side eyes each other when other people are talking tbh 😭 hiori’s the only nice one between the three of them but then he goes all super sadist and somehow ends up worse?? because w rin and nagi at least you’re expecting it so it’s not that deep but when sweetheart hiori starts spitting insults at you it’s like damn what did i do 😰

HAHA my tumblr schedule is so awk and also if i’m trying to finish a fic i hold off on asks so i don’t get distracted hehe (i was working on the kiyora req hence the long wait time) but hoping to post that soon and then i’ll be back to my speedy self i think!!

NO BECAUSE IT’S UNCANNY HELLO??? i was like WTF…but in a good way 😜 like close enough welcome back kija whitedragon 🤩 no because karasu as hak nagi as kija reo as jaeha bachira as zeno hiori as shinah…walk w me here…LMAOAOAOA omg if there’s a yotd reboot that’s all i’ll post abt for literal weeks like i’ll actually pass away

[frozen-coffee-chaos]

I’m sorry, I find this shit funny. Being aggressive does absolutely nothing but also- I am asexual and have made posts before with that tag and misclicked it. Someone responded in a respectful manner and I explained myself like I did here & apologized. But I will never ever apologize if you’re going to be aggressive with me when you clearly don’t know shit about me and I misclicked for the first time lmao.

This account is rarely ever updated by me, y’all truly don’t know shit about me. The only place that is pretty much up to date is my twitter account that’s on edtwt. Fun fact: sex disgusts me. I’m fine doing anything with myself but the second I think of another person or I’m reminded people exist 🤮 it’s over and I wanna vomit and feel so disgusted that I have to shower. I hate this account and wanna delete everything and restart but the random 20$ deposits from onlyfans is the only reason I don’t, I am motivated via money so ya know.

Unless my autism is autism-ing and I misunderstood the tone here then I will apologize. However beyond that, this shit pissed me off & I apologize to everyone except this person who I may have upset when I misclicked the asexual tag on a nsfw post. I have since removed that tag from the post because hey, mistakes do happen.

[alucardownsmyass]

Hi! I'm new to the Hellsing fandom and want to start fanfics for Alucard! I really love the way you write him and you seem to have so much understanding of him so I was wondering if you could help please? So say his bride is a virgin and they are about to bed each other. Would he make sure to turn her into a vampire first? What would he be like and what would their lives possibly be after? If you have any hc's or opinions, I'd love to hear! It's probably very self explanatory but I'm new and he's difficult to write haha! It is okay if you don't want to answer!

WELCOME AND THANK YOUUU! i've been waiting for someone to ask me something like this for so long!! i've never posted them, but i have a bunch of notes written down regarding his lover being untouched. most are from years ago though and need to be edited lmao. i'll type up something new for you that hopefully helps you understand his character a bit more! if not, PLEASE tell my dumbass to redo it.

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just to set you in on some background! being a virgin had so much more meaning back during the times when he was human. the real, historical vlad drăculea literally used to demand that women who lost theirs before marriage suffer impalement, so it's pretty precise how significant one's virginity was to him! 😭 bram stoker of course based his dracula novel on some of the history of vlad iii, so this is probably why the whole 'vampires loving virgins' became a thing. hirano based his version of dracula on both the real vlad and the novel, so this also explains why maintaining your virginity in the hellsing universe is important, and why deflowered humans turn into ghouls. it's a very clever reference imo!

not to mention, it's all just a bunch of religious nature—like where the bible says that you can only participate in sex after marriage, and ancient christianity put virgins on such high pedestals because it was viewed as being pure. of course, vampires are seen as demonic beasts, so that is also where their obsession with virgins stem from—they want to taint their innocence; your typical demon vs. god / good vs. evil trope. but you'll find that alucard is quite far from demonic or evil despite the things he's done. you have to look deep, but there is a layer to him that doesn't make him so much the monster that he thinks he is. he cries, has nightmares, cares for people even if only a few and harbors regrets. monsters don't have, feel or do any of those things.

he'd want his partner's first time to be extremely beautiful and eventful. keep in mind that he was sexually assaulted once; he wouldn't wish what he went through on anyone, so he'd want them to also enjoy their first time because he himself did not get the chance to. if they want him to be gentle, he will. if they request he roughen it up, you bet he will. it's their virginity. he's not going to put himself first during a moment in one's life where he was taught had value. he adores them and wants to show them just how much he does. i have always viewed him as an 'actions speak louder than words' kind of man. perhaps it is rare that he'll say "i love you" but he will damn sure show it.

you also requested headcanons and questioned if he'd turn his lover, so i'll put a few examples below! god, writing them is probably gonna make me tear up lmao. i hope these end up helping you, and thank you for coming to me for the question!

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he'll give you a choice if you want to become a creature of the night or not before he begins, hovering his lips over your fluttering pulse. he'll leave a few kisses against it, just for you to know where his bite shall implant lest you desire vampirism. immortality, in his eyes, is only to be given to those who are deserving—and to him, you deserved his kingdom and more.

say yes, and he will ask if you are sure in your decision one final time. have confidence in your answer and look him in the eyes so he knows for certain that you're willing to place your hand in his for the rest of your life. for eternity. say yes again, and you will feel his hand gently craning your chin to the side for the exposure of your neck. "it's going to hurt at first, my queen, but you wouldn't have come this far if you were unfit of bearing the brunt of a little pain, now, would you?"

if you choose no and wish to remain within the womb of humanity, he will most definitely respect your decision; not only out of love, but because you chose to stay the same. that's something he didn't do in his past, so he admires that. he will be more protective of you, though, since you did not choose to be a vampire and are more vulnerable in comparison.

he appreciates humanity and it's ongoing cycle of ages, and would adore witnessing you grow as the years begin to mold your skin into wrinkles and your hair to grays. even when you become too old that you can barely stand, he will vow to be the reason that you continue to walk. of course, the most difficult part will be having to witness you in your deathbed, but he will always remember you as the light that casted upon his darkness, the one that gave motive for him wanting to walk the dreadful earth for a bit longer. your grave will remain the very first thing he visits every moonrise, a reminder that perhaps, for the first time in his existence, he isn't truly alone.

[riacte]

G-d mint is literally being slept on so hard, at least on reddit

The reason they don't have one like "s-tier/carry" like a lot of teams do is because they're all good! They have the potential to do really well and people are totally underestimating them (literally Joel's team came 9th in all stars and he still got 20th individual)

😔Reddit’s always like that lmfao, I’ve learned to live with it. (I did see one post in furious defence of “bottom” teams like Mint and Cyan I am not using cerulean or however you spell it)

Pssssh. People have been so used to the narrative of “builders (in particular hermits) only succeeding when they’re with S tiers”, which is only reinforced by hermit adoption memes, that the fact all four of Mint are good is glossed over.

Scott’s magic scoring for Mint ranking first still mystifies me but whatever. Mint is a solid team. At the very least, it’ll be an interesting deviant from the typical hermit + “carry” team dynamic. And I don’t think we should treat this team like Aqua12 (even thought they share similarities). All four of them are confident and much better players now.

ALSO as I said before, I’m interested to see how they’ll handle the leadership role. For Purple15, I think the builder trio were trying to lean on Illumina because he’s a sweat, he’s a PvPer, he’s amazing at the game, etc etc. But when Illumina understandably muted himself for HiTW, the other three got through the game just fine with chill yet clear comms, showing that sometimes they didn’t need their star player. (Of course this might just apply to HiTW, which is one of the most “individual” games in the roster compared to stuff like Battle Box when they actually need to fight.) Which led me to think— maybe they can actually pop off when they are “forced” to rely on themselves.

Like you said, we know Joel is perfectly capable of that, Martyn has been fairly consistent as well. False is the kind of player that specially benefits from the H/Pete boost, but she’s improving lots now. (This reminds me that we need a FalsePete team sometime soon. If Grian can team with Pete so many times, why not FalsePete ;-;) Ren is the type of guy who sacrifices his individual points for team points. Ren is a rare player who is not only ready to Risk It All for his team, can and will sacrifice himself (think of him throwing his armour at Fruit), but is also incredibly optimistic and motivating. Maybe his placements aren’t the best, but he is absolutely invaluable support.

I highlighted Martyn and False in particular because I feel Martyn has a good survival sense (seen in 3L / LL) and is usually quite vocal and can smoothly connect with people, which makes him a good leader. False is good at wrangling people (the All Stars Grid Runners lmao) and keeps the comms going. She explains things clearly and patiently (like the Twitch Rivals with X lol). Her comms skills are probably more useful then I make them seem on paper because I have been brought up on a strict diet of False/Ren POVs and Don’t Have Much to Compare With (“What do you mean efficient comms aren’t typical for every single team?)

Almost forgot to mention this but Ren absolutely popped off in his first Minedraft, he was practically leading his team, he was so excited and confident, and that was when he was on a team with strangers. I really liked watching him back then and it’ll be so good to see something like that again.

But then again the existence of this team is already a win— heck, having all four of them in a MCC is already a achievement (hermitblr we can stop crying now). Regardless of what place they’ll end up in, they’ll still my pov to watch (I say it like I don’t watch the False/Ren team every single time) <33

[alleunwalk]

tokyo revengers idol au hcs part 3 that no one asked for AGAIN here’s part 1 and part 2 to get a better understanding.  this is what the members would be doing alongside their idol promotions+ what they would post on social media  toman tbh these guys are all just so damn funny on their own that they would constantly be invited to comedy variety shows. maybe perhaps doing something similar to seventeen or wanna one where they even have their own variety show on youtube (ie. seventeen’s-going seventeen series or wanna one’s show on mnet)  mikey-he would post basic food pics like of his parfaits or taiyaki but also it’s rare because he’d constantly forget his password. however on important days he’ll post long emotional and sentimental posts that hit you in your feels thanking his members and fans always. he also has a youtube channel posting random funny vlogs. draken- he has his own personal soundcloud to upload solo mixtapes/songs feat diff members. posts photos of his bikes and different tattoos he would be getting. responds with 1-2 words to fans during fansigns or ig comments but like mikey, once in a while, will also write heartfelt posts thanking everyone.  baji- his ig feed is filled with animals + dance practice vids. also has his own soundcloud too. trolls his members by commenting on their stuff. “delete this u ugly mf no one wants to see this”.  takemichi- very chatty, (sometimes too chatty where he’ll end up accidentally spoiling their next album info) and interactive on social media to his fans. tries his best to respond to most comments or ama ig stories questions. posts a lot of selfies and photos of his members. king of fan service.  chifuyu- beautiful photos of the sky a lot on his ig (in canon he wanted to be a pilot :,) ) along with cute soft selfies. (which baji and kazutora troll and comment being like “damn....u ugly AF!” “lmao stop pretending to act cute u loser”  kazutora- his ig is filled with pure chaos. just pics of him catching his members slipping (sleeping photos where they’re drooling or have their eyes slightly open or making ugly faces behind the scenes). also has photos of cursed memes and memes made by fans. he’s a literal enigma.  mitsuya- very wholesome ig photos- lots of photos of his family, group photos, sometimes cool artsy edited selfies. occasional photoshoot photos.  hakkai- ig is filled lots of #ootd photos and occasional photos from his modeling or acting gigs (he’s the visual, duh!) gets a lot of sponsorships from big brands.  pah-chin: has a joint youtube channel with peyan. they do silly challenges but will sometimes post dance videos (feat. baji) since they’re the main/lead dancers. fans love him because of his “matter-of-fact” responses that are funny without even trying. (example- fan comment: omg i love u guys soooo much u guys are the best in the whole world!!!<333 toman OUTSOLD!.  pah-chin: idk about best in the world but we’ll just take “the best in our neighborhood” for now i guess. thanks.”)  peyan: joint youtube channel with pah-chin. at fan signs mikey has to warn him to chill out cuz peyan will accidentally yell and scare fans without meaning to, but he’s just really excited to meet his fans is all ^_^   angry: posts a lot of wholesome photos like mitsuya (selfies with smiley) and writes a lot of motivational sweet captions cheering fans up and reminding them to always be happy :,)  smiley: joint youtube account with angry. smiley does a lot of prank videos and angrys just usually in the back like  🧍‍♂️... he also does tiktok- he would be doing all the dances, memes, and trends.  inui: ok hear me out, i mentioned before inui has similar vibes as cha eunwoo so i’d figure his ig would give the same vibe as his (iykyk). since he’s the other visual he would be getting a TON of acting and modeling gigs. idk why but i feel like inui would be a great actor (his facial expressions during tenjiku arc, the range!). actor of the year. gets a lot of skincare commercial deals too. 

black dragons shinichiro- photos of bikes, cars, and photos where hes pretending to do a cool pose but his members (+mikey) would troll and comment “LAME!!!!!” “why tf do u look like that?” “hey leader, it’s not too late to delete this now bestie :)” does fun ig lives. on variety shows as a joke his members tease him there as well. really great at fan-service and pulls the whole “pretend boyfriend” scenario with fans (the delusional fans are gonna act up if he keeps this up...).  taiju- (if shinichiro did not exist in this au OR if you wanted both in the group) photos of him at the gym, photoshoot photos.  inui- similar to if he was in toman, his ig would just be a lot of cool and cute photos of him from behind the scenes of dramas or photoshoots. a soft visual king. occasional selfies with koko and bike photos.  kokonoi- has a personal youtube channel but he would be Drowning in sponsorship videos all from high-end designer brands. he’s just casually flexing that PPL in his vlogs. ig feed is a lot of #ootd photos or pics taken with inui. him and inui would be makeup brand ambassadors or faces of brands (ex: like jennie from blackpink represents chanel). in this case kokonoi would be the face of fendi (he wears fendi slides in the manga cover) and inui would be the face of jimmy choo (his heels in the manga cover looked like jimmy choo but i could be wrong.. but u know what i mean) 

tenjiku  izana- pretty leader has a very artsy ig feed. extremely photogenic like inui. has photoshoot photos and candid pose photos. acts in dramas time to time (gg second male lead syndrome).  kakucho- posts gym or dance practice videos on his feed but he posts rarely because he’s just too busy or forgets he actually has an ig. loves commenting on takemichi’s posts “haha no wonder ur called baka-michi!” as a joke.  kanji- posts gym photos but it’s rare because he always forgets his password.  ran- the other visual. he would be modeling for high-fashion brands and go on runway shows. also definitely gives off actor vibes (he would be constantly casted in dark action movies hahaha). loves giving fan service.  rindou- in contrast to his brother, rindou when it comes to fan service, he loves trolling fans. also he’s really good at drawing a line between fans (y’know, keeping the delusional ones in check...which means he ‘friend-zones’ them but it’s for their own good tbh idols need to remind people their boundaries). has a youtube channel where he just posts random dance practice vids and occasional vlogs. also comments under his brothers ig posts “you look stupid af in this wtf”. on variety shows people find their brotherly banter hilarious.  mutou- posts gym photos, also really awkward selfies (he doesn’t know what his angle is lmao). another member who also reminds fans of their boundaries and keeps it real. (sanzu always likes his photos though and hypes him up in the comments).  sanzu- shy baby. constantly following mutou around. posts a lot of cute selfies and random pics of shogi stuff (he tags mutou in it of course). during fan signing/autograph sessions they love putting cute headband props on him like this or this. 

bonten because this group’s concept and aesthetic is mysterious, mature, artsy, gloomy, and dark they will take this concept to the grave. (minus a few exceptions) they are invited to variety/talk-shows but never make an appearance because they want to keep the air of mystery around them. (it’s a good marketing technique).  mikey- does not have any social media. he does have a private account to lurk around but no one knows what it is.  kokonoi- has a youtube channel but it’s locked and you have to pay to get into it. posts super short vlogs and teasers. thats it. (the ultimate scam! but their fans love them too much to notice). lots of sponsored #ootd posts on ig.  kakucho- he would be modeling ONLY high fashion brands and high end editorial places. his instagram is just his exquisite and expensive modeling photos whether it be candid backstage photos from shows, candid runway walk pics/vids, pics of diff photoshoots you name it. doesn’t really comment much.  ran- visual. similar to kakucho- modeling ONLY high fashion brands and editorial places. instagram is filled with modeling photos but also some artsy scenery pics he took.  rindou- posts short artsy dancing clips (like modern dances in black&white filter) on ig.  sanzu- since he’s the other visual, he also posts a lot of his modeling/acting photos on instagram. also pretty chatty (he’s the exception) on social media and loves teasing and trolling fans. posts with a lot of random cute emojis on everything. “just ate lunch and now im off to practice hehe 🍜🍇🤟💃🤠🧚‍♂️💞🦋” no one really knows why he uses random emojis but it’s just endearing lmao.  kanji- no social media at all.  akashi- manager....or if you made him the rapper in this au then he too would also not have any social media. 

[thisdreamplace]

30 Days of Manifesting the Mental State (Part 1)

Guidelines:

- Focus on manifesting the mental state of who I desire to be

- Let the external world be, the internal world has all my focus

Why?

I was inspired by this short post:

Decide to Manifest the Mental State

My goal with this was to manifest my ideal mental state in regards to whatever I deem important to me, so this was a heavily self concept based challenge. Compared to the challenges I did in the past, where I was interested in physical manifestations.

Reflection:

Y’all, if you feel like you’ve done all you can do and you’re stuck, try this challenge. lmao You will be fucking read to filth. And it’s the best thing ever.

During the first week, I really got shown myself. Before this challenge I thought I was good with not taking the 3D too seriously. By implementing this challenge, I realized how much I actually paid attention to it for validation. Given this challenge is all about manifesting the mindset, I could no longer use the 3D an excuse for why I’m upset or wonder why I see no changes. Because I only had one job and that’s to manifest the mindset, no matter what the 3D shows. I often would remind myself, “I need to conform to myself first.” This helped me to stay on track during the first week.

Plus, I realized, once again I was slacking on everyone is you pushed out as a concept. It really was difficult for me to take responsibility for others. But thanks to this challenge, I couldn’t put this concept on the backburner anymore. And I know if I want the people in my world to change for the better, I must change for the better within first. Once again, “I need to conform to myself first” was such a solid reminder. How could I look at the 3D in disappointment, when I hadn’t even conformed to myself first? This is still a work in progress, but it’s at the forefront of my mind now instead of an afterthought.

After about the first week, things got easier. I read a couple posts that really clicked for me and it honestly became chill af after that. Things started moving more in my life. It’s honestly so weird how the law works. This shit really is subtle as hell, it’s so natural when your world starts conforming you barely even notice. There’s so many things that happen in a day that align with my new conception of self and it’s difficult to remember them all.

But basically, I moved into an entirely new state. Like, things just are not the same for me mentally or with the way I feel. Like... how do I explain this? Basically, my desired self concept has become so natural... a lot of my state of lack habits have disappeared. And I didn’t even expect that to happen. Like, getting worked up about how long it’s been... wondering if I did something wrong... like all of that just vanished. I feel extremely... fulfilled and satisfied. I actually know I did everything I could do. So what else is there to do? I don’t feel the need to search for more anymore. I truly feel satisfied with my mental efforts. I have done my best, now all that is left to be done is to live and allow life to do it’s thing, really.

On the final week, I hit a wall. It was like I simply could not shake the anxiety. Each day I was thankful it came to an end, hoping for a more pleasant following day... that didn’t come. The emotional rollercoaster! I would go from “it’s okay, I don’t need to analyze how I’m feeling” to “okay, wtf is going on????” I was a mess, but as always, I persisted. I know there’s mixed opinions on this, but from my experience I definitely have moments where my mind is purging the old story. And it’s difficult as fuck. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t exist because someone out there might be going through the same. I want y’all to know, we can make it through to the other side.

During those days, I had these moments where I can actually feel myself as God? And it’s not this super powerful feeling. It’s been more... calm and peaceful. Like I just know I am taken care of. Honestly, it usually only lasts in glimpses. But that’s okay. Because I know I am just uncovering that part of me more and more. It’s actually so exciting.

From experience, I know every dip like this on my journey has lead to more mental and emotional freedom. So even though in the moment it feels like absolute meaningless torture, I know it makes sense and it’s happening for a good reason.

But this is where I left off. The challenge ended before I was able to make it through the low moment. So now, I am just going to revamp this challenge with a part 2, with everything I have learned about myself from it.

Best Self Concept Manifestations:

- I have felt more fulfilled than I ever have in my life. And I did that on my own. Pretty fucking great. 

- The main theme on my journey has continued to improve: love. People LOVE me. Like they LOVE me lmao. I constantly get compliments on not only my appearance but also my character and who I am as a person. My ideal life is entirely in view, I can see the destination now.

- Not needing to constantly read about the law anymore. This is my favorite, because I love the law. lol So, when I deleted Reddit and actually had weeks pass where I didn’t feel the need to redownload it, it was like wow. I know everything I need to know. There’s nothing else to read. I have my comfort/motivation posts, and I would go back to those time to time. But I have very little interest in the search for “new” information now. There’s nothing else to learn, there’s only concepts to apply.

- Despite the downward spiral, I can say I have definitely seen improvement in my bounce back from the 3D circumstances overall. I have my moments, of course, but overall it’s definitely become easier for me to remember this world is malleable and nothing is set in stone.

- Kdramas. LOL I always end up watching one that aligns with my journey, which is cool af. I started “When the Camellia Blooms” while on this challenge and it was funny because my sister watched in months ago. And she was like, “Dongbaek (the female lead) is the character I said you remind me of.” Which was such a huge compliment. She’s literally what I strive to be? Loved for no reason other than existing and super pretty. LMAO She’s simply adored and unforgettable, simply because she is. That was such a boost to my work on my self concept. It may not sound like the best manifestation ever but for me it was motivation to keep persisting. If I can see it, I can have it. Period.

Conclusion:

This isn’t over yet. I am moving into part 2 of this challenge as we speak, which will be similar but with a more precise focus. So in conclusion, all I can say is try it for yourself. It’s definitely worth it.

Resources That Inspired Me the Most During this Challenge:

Nothing Outside Will Help You Change Your Mind

Dissolving Fears to Manifest Effortlessly

Self Concept, Self Love, and States

Hug Your Inner World Tight

[wickedpact]

A ranking of all the TTT stories in order of how much I liked them.

(Oh god this is so long)

1 My Mother's Axe

BABY ANDYYYYYYYYYYYY. Honestly this one had the trifecta of developing a character's motivations, developing a character's backstory, & developing their personality. The story starting out with Andy teaching Nile to use the axe was so charming and fun, and you could feel that chemistry they had in Opening Fire, the way they teased and bickered with each other so naturally. I loved the wedge between them on the subject of the axe, how Nile was perhaps a little too young to understand Andy's feelings about whether or not its the 'same' axe. I also love how the axe is obviously the symbol of the franchise and hugely important, but you never get a sense of exactly how important it is to Andy until you read the story.

I love the entire Ship of Theseus theme, and how it feels so natural that for Andy she has to get attached to the idea of things rather than the things themselves because she'll always outlive the things themselves-- the axe is symbolically her mom's axe, even if physically it isn't. And I love how she clearly clings to that concept so tightly. "This is the labrys she held in her hands...." IT GETS ME.

And the fact that this sense of BELONGING, of FAMILY, of CULTURE is so important to Andy that she clings to it (figuratively and literally) with both hands. And of course it's important to her, she spent so long alone that the woman doesn't even remember her birth name. That axe (or the idea of that axe) is all she has left of her mother and that family/culture she was born into.

PLUS on that note I love how Andy doesn't remember if her mom was her actual biological mother, but it doesn't matter to her. This woman was her mother in all the ways that counted. And how her mom BETRAYED AND KILLED Andy but Andy loved her so much that she avenged her and carried her axe for thousands of years. THOUSANDS OF YEARS!!!!!!

I also loved how the story transcends the timeline of the whole franchise and seeing Andy through the years. Loved seeing her with the varying squads and with varying axes. Also baby Andy was so cute. It was cool seeing her so young. like holy fuck. Andromache The Scythian, Immortal Warrior (but smol). Love that.

Also I think this one is one of the few ttt stories that doesn't suffer from length problems.

tldr: goddammit greg you've done it again.

2 Zanzibar and Other Harbors

Zanzibar my beloved. I've said before, but it's downright comedic how little regard there was for Joe and Nicky's character designs in this story. The same person who does the colors for the regular comic did the colors for this one too, and you can tell, every panel of this story was Beautiful.

Ik there was A Lot of criticism of this one (lmao @ how the fandom had no idea what was to come) but I thought a lot of The Discourse was a bit dramatic. I did think Nicky came off as a little oblivious to Joe's feelings in this story, but I've said before, I honestly think that was a 'tone not translating' thing. It felt like Nicky was nagging Joe for [checks notes] saving innocent people, but Joe was so amused by Nicky's complaints I really do think it was supposed to come off as teasing.

Plus I know the 'Joe running off into danger and Nicky reluctantly following' dynamic wasn't popular (I'm a pretty meh on it meself) but I did love how Joe's impulsiveness (if you want to call it that) was interpreted as heroism and not hot-hotheadedness. All of the examples Nicky and Joe talked about included Joe explicitly saving people. (and it also took A Lot for the nazi to actually provoke Joe).

I also feel like their characterization here was closest to the movie canon-- the bit where they hear the woman scream and Joe goes running in to save her while Nicky swoops in on Joe's heels to comfort her while Joe and the nazi were fighting reminds me of the train car scene. Joe had suggested First that they go find Nile because she needed to be protected, and Nicky later added that Nile probably also needed emotional support. Similar reactions.

But it was So Good, the themes of queer community and the enduring nature of queer culture are Not themes you see in media that often and it was such a delight how it was done. Also it's one of the few more modern TTT stories that has a completely valid excuse for taking place when it did. Chef's kiss.

3 Passchendaele

I love the Duality between seeing baby Andy and then seeing Mama Andy in the very next issue. This story doesn't have a ton of meat to it, but the entire concept of Andy adopting a war orphan straight off the battlefield PLUCKS MY TENDER LITTLE HEARTSTRINGS, and I think it's especially poignant for comic!Andy. I think most people wouldn't think twice about movie!Andy doing something like that but comic Andy is so hardened and almost cruel sometimes, and seeing that even for her the world hasn't beaten all of the compassion from her yet is SO!!!!!!! this woman contains MULTITUDES okay, she's violent and angry and tired and Done but she's also so kind and compassionate and THE STRENGTH OF HER!!!!! Also the idea of her and Yitzhak co-raising a kid together is so damn cute. It was #mysterious pre-Yitzhak-story but now it's cute. holy fuck. It's cute.

& the headbonk panel of her and Zeus lives in my heart. anyways.

4 Many Happy Returns

I Know people weren't thrilled about Booker being in this one, but I've developed a pet-peeve about that: this story was *not* booker-centric. Booker only exists in this story to the extent required to explain the importance of the gesture Nile makes towards him. If there was a story about Booker making some grand gesture of kindness to Nile no one would be saying it was Nile-centric. bc it wouldn't be! Booker exists in this story to explore Nile's kindness, its not about him. I saw that a couple times and it bothered me. anyways.

AAAAAAAAAA I loved this one, the art was beautiful, I loved how Andy Nile and Booker were drawn (like their comic selves but.. more looking like actual people). I loved Andy and Nile's Bants, how Andy wanted to jump right in and Do Violence but Nile was basically telling her to hold her horses.

I feel like I'm just repeating the post I made on this story a few days ago, but I LOVED how Nile's plan revolves not around violence or Cool Mercenary Skills but on Nile's own life skills (as she canonly did a lot of minimum wage job-hopping before the marines in comics canon). Her plan used her skills, not the skills of an immortal warrior, and HER SKILLS were in fact more useful for the situation! lov to see Nile's resourcefulness and planning skills.

AND HOW NILE WAS PROBABLY WATCHING BOOKER??? it's so Much bc 1.) nile knew booker A SINGLE DAY and yet he made such an impression on her emotionally that she had to keep an eye on him and 2.) she said in the movie she wanted Booker to get off free with an apology. Yes she's a member of the team but that doesn't mean she's necessarily going to follow orders like a good little soldier. I also love how she convinced Andy to go along with it. her HEART, her KINDNESS, her THOUGHTFULNESS, UGH.

5 The Bear

Honestly I have like no negative things to say about this one other than a.) character design issues which is less about the story itself and is more of a 'tog comic in general' criticism and b.) too short, but it was supposed to be a tease, so.

But I loved Yitzhak, I wasn't expecting to really like him at all but like I said in my other post, he tickled me. I love characters who are Kind™, especially if they have little reason to be so given their backgrounds. Chef's kiss. Lov him.

6 Bonsai Shokunin

I know this one was a little controversial bc of the outsider POV but whenever I see people upset about that they never point out that the Outsider Guy (the samurai) existed as a reflection on Noriko. His ideas are explained in the text to develop hers. The whole story follows how she gave mercy to a scared young man and in response he murdered Noriko, repeatedly! Who gave him the right to inflict such pain and suffering on the world? In his opinion, the lack of response from the gods was his permission. And for Noriko-- over and over again she dies and suffers because she gave mercy, which lines up with her ideas in FM about how it's their fate to rule mortals and if they don't align with that plan/fate/whatever then they suffer. It shows some background to those ideas and how they developed in her mind outside of Ocean Madness™. Additionally, his idea of 'the Gods have done nothing to strike me down so it's fine if I do these things' kind of explains how Noriko may justify her own morally corrupt actions-- she's died so many times and it's never stuck. Maybe if she did die any of those times, or while she was in the water, maybe that would've been a sign she was doing something right, or at least doing something normal. But she hasn't died. Fate isn't done with Noriko yet. And maybe there's a reason for that. In her mind, it's just not a very pleasant reason, is all.

There were things I was kind of meh about tho. I did kind of wish we saw something of Noriko and the team, or smth explaining the way she was before her dip in the pool-- personality, likes dislikes, etc. but it wasn't bad or anything. It was super vague tho, I had to read it a few times before I got what it was going for. Liked the art. Liked the bonsai metaphor. And of course I Respect the decision to use the 1300s (1200s? I don't remember off the top of my head) rather than using the last 200 years.

7 Strong Medicine

Honestly looking back, this one made me kind of sad because both this one and Bonsai Shokunin explored character's ideas on Fate and The Divine and how that intersects with immortality and I totally thought that theme would be continued, especially with Love Letters. But Then It Wasn't™.

Admittedly.... I had to re-read this one to remember most of it. I liked Booker's ideas on God, 'The conductor of the symphony just may not be very good at his trade' but the plot itself was kind of forgettable. Some fuckin cowboys try to kill a doctor (their second) because he couldn't save their sickly brother. Book tries to stop them, gets killed, and then comes back and kills them all before they get the doctor. Alright. I liked the artstyle because the characters were ugly in a similar way that leandro's are, but way more bearable.

I love the Irony of Booker concluding that there is no such thing as fate or destiny and nothing has meaning, AS HE UNKNOWINGLY SAVES MERRICK'S GRANDFATHER FROM BEING KILLED. Booker getting fucked over by life/god/destiny yet again. It also kind of explains about where the fuck hell Merrick's interest in immortal mercenaries even came from.

I originally had this one a lot higher and then I thought about it and moved it down like two spots.

8 Never Gets Old

I liked seeing Booker interact with his kid. And we got a name for the kid! Philippe was a little bitch though, he was a little obnoxious. I liked how Booker was so thrilled to experience a restaurant with his kid (and since we know he was there before, it can be assumed he went with all of his kids and yet he was so charmed each time). It fits with his line to Nicky in the moon landing story about how you don't appreciate beautiful things 'unless you have someone to share them with'. It was charming to see Booker interact with his kid, and to see him so happy. Also lmao @ Booker's big fat Ye Olde Crush on Andy.

However at the same time it was like.. of all the things to write about,,, I guess? Booker's Night Out...... alright. Especially since Book had so many stories.

I don't know, it was alright. The old man killing him really came out of nowhere, (but the 'Salut, asshole!' panel was funny tho).

9 How To Make a Ghost Town

I've hit a point where talking about these stories has gotten less fun. I liked this one but I felt like Achilles getting lynched was not really necessary for a story that was already tragic (a story that already involved Achilles doing a lot of suffering at the hand of bigots). When we first got the blurb for this story I thought it would be about Andy returning to the squad and making friends with Booker after losing Achilles and them butting heads on the idea of family and when to cut off ties. So a little bit of my underwhelmedness about this one might be just my expectations being different.

Honestly I was pretty interested in Andy and Achilles' relationship and I would've liked to see more of them-- like, what was their dynamic like? What did they love about each other?

But anyways Andy leaving and Achilles getting killed anyways feels so pointlessly tragic (which I suppose is the point..... I don't like tragedies) she left to save him and yet people killed him anyway. Meh.

I did love the bits about Andy wanting to have a domestic life (Andy and her multitudes again) and the little detail about how she buried her axe near the road but he buried his guns under his bed-- he was an escaped slave, he never had the luxury of assuredness like Andy did. It was a sad story.

10 Lacus Solitudinis

'You put this one above love letters crim??? how could you???' easy, lmao.

There was stuff in this one I liked. But to talk about stuff I didn't like: (I'll keep it brief, I know ragging on this story has been done time and time again)

UH, setting aside the 6 year cold shoulder between Joe and Nicky, I thought their chosen method of conflict resolution was... bad at best. Nicky's inability to talk about his feelings was also annoying, especially since the entire point of this story is a fight Joe and Nicky had, and yet we don't get both sides to the story, which is...... important? That fact is especially annoying bc in the absence of Nicky explaining his side of the story, it's absolutely a possible (and admittedly probably unintentional) interpretation of the text that we do get that Joe routinely resolves conflict between him and Nicky by simply cutting Nicky out of his life entirely until Nicky just. caves? Even if it takes years?

WHICH i could get into that interpretation and how fucked up i find it. but im not going to. out of restraint.

I don't know, I think there are a lot of interesting ways to go about this conflict but 'Nicky wants to kill a guy and Joe refuses to acknowledge his existence until he stops because he thinks Nicky is too much of a Good Boy to get his hands dirty like that' ('I wont watch as the world turns his (...) compassion into something ugly'. ) wasn't.. how I would've done it. (I mean you know Joe doesn't give a shit about what Nicky is doing in a moral way, because Joe doesn't even care or mention that Booker is killing those cops too. Joe only cares because he doesn't like the idea of Nicky changing in a way he finds undesirable.)

admittedly I've said before, I do like the emphasis Joe's reaction puts on Nicky's kindness. Joe has a complete inability to cope with Nicky simply Not Being Kind. It speaks to the steadiness of Nicky's compassion all those years. but still that fact doesn't make it the conflict feel worth it

hm. I said I would be brief and I wasn't.

oh well. basically I thought there was interesting conflict potential there but it wasn't done the way I would've liked, and the way it was done leaves a lot of disturbing (and again probably unintended) interpretations to lie.

What I did like? Andy and Joe having that pessimist/optimist dynamic. Joe nerding out about science. Andy not being impressed by The Achievements Of Man. I loved Booker needling at Nicky about his outdated slang and also trying to give him Older Brother advice practically in the same breath. I loved Booker giving The Worst relationship advice ever and Nicky being like 'I Will Not Do That, Ever, Thanks.' the family vibes were so good. The Joenicky vibes left a lot to be desired tho.

11 Love Letters

I talked about my problems with Nicky in this story (and Lacus Solitudinis). I don't know, the story isn't bad but I do hold a little bit of a grudge towards it because its very existence begs the existence of a solo Joe story and we didn't get one. If we never got this story, then we could happily count Lacus Solitudinis and Zanzibar as The Joenicky Stories™ and move on with our lives. sigh.

I remember when we first got the blurb for this story I was really curious about why Nicky specifically + the setting, and the answer kind of feels like 'the author had an idea for a story like this and saw ttt as a good enough place to utilize that idea'. Plus I was really underwhelmed by the Romantic Sentiment in the letter. If you look at it line-by-line, the majority of the letter is actually Nicky talking about how lonely and disturbed he is, rather than actual,, yknow,,, Romantic Sentiment. I mean, compare the van speech and this letter and this letter is just kind of meh in comparison. I liked nicky calling joe wise! and I liked the brief sun/moon metaphor! and otherwise it was eh. It didn't even have cute squad banter, which is why Lacus Solitudinis is above this one.

12 An Old Soul

Nun orgy. Nun orgy?????? Nun orgy.......

The whole story felt like a setup to have a nun orgy. Why did Booker have abs? Why did they do that to Andy's nose? ?????? the art was good at least.

nun orgy.

[aitarose]

OUR LAST SUMMER (A.MIYA) —❥ pairing: miya atsumu x fem!reader

synopsis: one summer was all the time you had together—all the time you had to bask in the sun-kissed rays and sand-filled beaches, share soft butterfly kisses and feel the comfort of being wrapped in his arms—until his boat sailed off into the sea, forever. 

word count: 3.0k

genre: mamma mia inspired, summer fling, somewhat stuck together, angst, fluff, casual/formal writing, second person

warnings: commitment issues, mentions of suggestive content, minor cursing, heartbreak?

notes: this was an impulse blurb because i haven’t posted any actual fics in nearly a month so here you go lol asdfjl IT’S A LITTLE ROUGH BUT I HOPE IT’S LEGIBLE LMAO AND ITS SHORT AS HELL SORRY JALSD MY BRAIN D!ED

—❥ DIRECTORY

You remembered the first time you’d seen him.

He was a stranger, a man that you’d never once met before—standing smack-dab in the middle of your dock, the place you’d always come to clear your thoughts after hours upon hours of work, though you didn’t technically own it. It was just tradition, an accustom that you’d grown so used to that it seemed like everyone’s daily—well, everyone but his.

There were few people you didn’t know on the island, having been a member of the local family business of hotels and inns. Your little paradise, the chains of suites and saunas that you liked to think were a hidden wonder of the world—hidden to only you and the reoccurring tourists that would stay on your infamous Greek Elysium. 

The usual familiarity was scarce at the sight of his bright blonde hair and sun-kissed skin, light freckles peppered across the swells of his cheeks—no doubt caused by countless hours at sea as he stood beside a large sailboat. He appeared to be a free spirit, much different to all of the others that would find stay on the shores. 

It was a common getaway, an escape from the reality of life and the troubles that came with emotional attachments and labor. Every personality was alike, each one masking the pain of all that tied them down—wishing that they’d ever have to board that boat back to the mainland, and just stay in a world without worries and never-ending surf. 

But the way he was standing with his body language in reaction to the sea, made you think that perhaps he wasn’t like all of the other’s who came and went. That perhaps he was a free spirit entirely on his own, one that didn’t force the necessities of comfort and relaxation on his mind—it just came naturally.

“You lost?” Your voice called out, the sound ringing with the wind chimes against his sails—diverting his attention from the white peaked waves to your melodious sound. He gave you his full attention, immediately focusing on your approaching frame—a look of relief arising on his face. 

He reached behind his neck, scratching the roots of his hair whilst a sheepish smile gleamed in the light. “Thank god, you found me!” He chuckled, the browns in his eyes sparkled with golds and copper, complimenting his overall look perfectly—in all honesty, you didn’t think you’d ever seen such a handsome man. “I docked around a half-an-hour ago, just didn’t know where I was supposed to head next.”

“Would a beautiful girl like yourself happen to have the time to help a poor sailor out?”

Shaking your head, you grinned, scoffing slightly at the obvious flirtation, before walking towards him. Your feet moved in small steps, thoughts dancing around the idea of a summer fling—after all, it wouldn’t be the first time something like this had happened. You, an eccentric woman, one with the island, always seeming to attract men of all natures with not a care in the world.

Maybe he would be your new conquest, your newest mark in the endless journey of love that you never wanted to conclude. Another man who’s mood would turn from complete adoration to disgust when you’d reject his love and send him off to sea—never to be met again. Simply a memory you’d look back on when your past ran wild and smile in nostalgia. 

You plopped down on the end of the dock, head thrown back as your feet touched the water—a refreshing feeling taking over your entire body. The man watched in amusement at your obvious compatibility with the ocean currents and approached you as you patted the place beside you—an open seat reserved for him.

“So, sailor.” You mocked, swinging your jaw to face him with a sing-song tone. “Tell, me. What brings you to my island?”

He raised his eyebrows, creases appearing near his forehead with youthful wrinkles at their wits—not hiding how enamored he was at your playful tone. “Your island?” There was a matched mood in the both of your speech, potential feelings rising in the pits of your stomachs. “I’m sorry, gorgeous. Last I checked, you didn’t own all of Greece.” 

You scoffed, kicking your feet up to splash his ankles—cold sprays of salt water hitting the skin of your shins up to your thighs. “Well, last I checked lonely sailors didn’t talk back to pretty women—or are you just an enigma Mr...”

“Miya.” He replied, concluding the sentence that you hadn’t been able to finish with ease—identity revealed to the girl he’d already festered a crush on, despite it only having been a mere twenty minutes since you’d first begun to speak. “Miya Atsumu.”

‘Y/N L/N.” You held out a hand with a shit-eating grin as he gripped it firmly, shaking your palm enthusiastically whilst your eyes held his—a silent stare down in the midst, the morning sunrise changing to one of noon, reminding you of the ticking time. “And how long did you say you’ll be staying here?”

“Well, I’m here for my brother’s wedding.” Atsumu shrugged, nudging your shoulder with his and gazing out to the countless other sailboats in the bay. “Technically, I’m only meant to be here for a few weeks...”

“...but I’m sure I’ll find something here to keep me longer.”

And that he did. 

He’d managed to find a countless number of reasons to keep himself busy. Infinite excuses not to set his sail at sea—excuses that had nothing to do with the start of Osamu’s wedding festivities, or with the waning fear of his workplace calling him back to play, or even the worry of his heavy pockets running dry of cash.

Perhaps it had something to do with how his heart pounded whenever you were around. The artery nearly jumping out of his chest in the times you’d grab his hand and pull him along the stone-studded paths throughout the tropical trees,  giving him tours of your favorite spots—laying picnic blankets under the shade and sharing piña coladas with pink straws. 

Or the constant days at the beach. How you’d share an umbrella only for it to fly away in the wind—leaving the two of you out in the open rays of the sun, vulnerable to burns that Atsumu always managed to obtain. You later having to help him wash off in a cool shower—concern furrowing at your brows with every wince and whine he’d muster. 

Treating him as your own personal island dweller, you’d become attached at the hip. Neither one of you wanting to be without the other for longer than a day—knowing that your time was limited, but ignoring it all the same. The summer was one of new opportunities and experiences, things that you had already set your mind to—only now having his name next to those goals.

Your first impressions had been correct, he was undoubtedly different from all of the other flings you’d had in the past—and you’d come to realize this on the day he’d asked you to be his date to his brother’s wedding. The brother that had no idea you existed, whom you hadn’t ever planned on meeting was inevitably getting an unexpected guest.

That unexpected guest being you, of course, arriving with Atsumu on your arm and wearing a beautiful shade of baby blue. Osamu and his bride had welcomed you with open arms, no suspicions at all when they’d noticed the genuine look of happiness in the blonde’s eyes—a look that they hadn’t seen come out of him in a very very long time.

“Was it everything you dreamed it would be?” He whispered, lips pressed against your hair—arms holding you close as the gentle orchestrals echoed in the night night breeze. The shadows of candle lit jars and paper lanterns covering your face in defined shades of grey—making you look all the more gorgeous.

You sighed into his chest, taking in his sweet scent, that of fresh oranges and salt—the smell of the ocean never truly washing away from his aura. “I loved it, actually.” An earnest tone spoke out from your mouth, sincere admissions flowing like waves, reaching his ears and giving him little dreams of the future—your future.

“It was one of the most beautiful ceremonies we’ve hosted, and I truly mean that.” Your voice was soft, quiet as to not disturb the calm mood in the moonlight—the stars shining down on every pair on the dance floor, even the young children blowing kisses in each other’s direction, not knowing the true feelings of love, yet wishing for them in their hearts. 

Atsumu took a step back, holding your hand in his and spinning you beneath the stringed bulbs—smiling warmly as you let out an uncontrollable giggle—complaining how he was making you dizzy with glee. He didn’t think he’d ever felt so utterly full of admiration for a single person in the entirety of his life.

With a smirk at the corners of his cheeks he pulled you in, twirling you back around and into the safety of his tanned arms—the physical contact was nothing new to you, yet there was something in the way his palms held yours that made you feel like there were ulterior motives to his antics. 

“Steady there, sailor.” You whispered, slightly out of breath—not only from the tireless dancing you’d endured all evening, but from the minimized distance between your bodies. His lips were a mere centimeters away from yours, so close and also so far. “Wouldn’t want you doing something you might regret.”

He shook his head, leaning in to commit to the thing he wanted most in the world—his fingers reaching up to guide your chin to his, the calloused skin of his thumbs tickling your sensitive nerves and setting free all of the festering butterflies in your chest. 

“Trust me, gorgeous, when I say that I don’t have regrets.”

His words were quickly muffled as you pressed your lips against his, smothering any quips that could possibly arise and drowning them in an ocean of pure desire and infatuation. It felt like you were on ecstasy, the uncontrollable yearning for his intimacy finally being yours to have and to hold—all coming together in one innocent kiss in the middle of an almost empty wedding reception. 

Your palms held his jawline, pulling him as close as possible whilst doing your best to convey your display of passion as small and intimate—not wanting to steal the celebrations of the day from the bride and groom—who’d in all honesty, disappeared themselves hours before, no one having seen them since then.

A quiet gasp rose from your throat as he bit your bottom lip, wanting more even though he knew that it wasn’t the time you could grant his wish—anticipation for the night to come, when you’d leave the party hand-in-hand, rushing from the back of his brain to the frontal lobe as he pulled away.

“’Tsumu.” You breathed out, eyes locked on his with giddiness underlying the tiredness in your voice. His expression matched yours, one of completion and success—patting himself on the back in imagination with the knowledge that he’d won your attention. “What was that?”

He stepped aside, still holding your hand in his, leading you off of the stone platform and into the gallery of cloth-lined tables with scattered guests—drunk in happiness and alcohol, blind to any real-world worries. The moment felt like a fever dream, an event that only occurred in film and television—nothing that you’d ever expected to experience yourself.

But with Atsumu, anything seemed to be possible. The slim probabilities becoming a zero percent error whenever he set his mind to a goal, bringing you along with him every step of the way. His calls out to you raspy from ahead, scratchy from the amount of hollering and applause he’d performed for his twin during speeches and vows.

“That,” he began, glancing back at you as you ran together towards his little villa, “that was only the beginning of the rest of our endless summer.”

And he was right, it certainly was the beginning of something. Something special and real—something that you’d never once felt in your life, right in your arms, right in front of you. He was your perfect match, you were tired of denying it—but there was one thing that the two of you had forgotten in the blissful montage of stolen kisses and sleepless nights.

Every beginning has an end. 

All stories have a final chapter, one that no reader wanted to page through—but couldn’t resist knowing the final outcome of their two favorite characters, what could possibly happen to their relationship, their future, their unspoken and unequivocal love for one another that had manifested on the ink blotched pages. 

Some had happy endings, epilogues in which the main love interests proceeded to get married, have a few kids that’d run around their fenced backyard with the sprinkler system running on overdrive. That was the dream, the dream that seemed so idealistic to most, the ideal life to live—to grow old holding hands against the oak wood of your rocking chairs as the sun set over the horizon. 

But that wasn’t your ideal life, and neither was it Atsumu’s. 

So, your story wasn’t one of those lucky fairy tales that had a happily ever after. It wasn’t a bedtime story that you’d read to your grandchildren or younger relatives, nor was it a time you’d try to forget as it ended right where it had initially begun—on the public docks of your inn house, in front of his weary sailboat.

The only differences being the setting sun rather than the rising dawn and the twinkling stars appearing in the dark sky in contrast to their disappearance in relation to the morning clouds. Perhaps it was the universe telling you that it was all coming to an end, shooting off into the darkness with the explosions of nebulas and constellations. 

“So, this is it.” Atsumu spoke aloud, possibly to you or the emptiness of the sea. The usual warmth in his tone sounding robotic and unkept, unfamiliar to your heart, unfamiliar from the man you’d come to hold such strong feelings for in a mere three months. “This is our last night, our last minutes.”

He turned to face you, hands holding the limp ropes whilst pulling them tight and wrapping them in their holsters, billowing the sails in the strong night breezes—there was said to be a storm brewing, and it was ever so timely to have happened the same night a hurricane was forming in your blackened and broken heart. 

You’d never seen such a sorrowful expression on his face, used to the typical dumbstruck happiness and easygoing nature that was void and lost, that absence setting in the reality of your relationship’s oblivion. He let go of his secured ties, elbows leaning against the railing and towards you as you stood at the edge of the doc. 

“It doesn’t have to end here, you know.” He suggested, his voice shaky and unsure—not knowing what your response would be—not knowing that you loved him, too. “You could come with me, see a world that isn’t an isolated island—we could travel together, see all the other wonders—we could be happy, forever.”

Your breath hitched, chest airtight, all of the oxygen in your lungs at max capacity—catching in your lungs with no chance of getting out. His words had somehow managed to itch the hidden and sensitive regions of your heart—the ones that had always been guarded from others, the places that he’d been able to weasel his way into. 

At the look on your face, he already knew your answer. An unspoken rejection standing stale in the humid air between you, the still distance growing further and further despite your motionless stances. Two broken hearts longing for one another with no resolution to be met. 

He bit his lip, holding back tears in the nightly shadows and nodding his head—believing that he’d been right all along. That his presumptions about you had actually been correct, that he hadn’t been different, that he hadn’t been your person amidst the countless other personalities you’d fallen for over the summers—that he’d simply been another paradisiac fling that you’d thrown away. 

But he’d never been so wrong. 

You did love him, you loved him with your entire soul—your entire existence. There was no dream you wanted more than to be with him forever, to spend every single moment in his company of laughter and contagious smiles. To pepper him in kisses and take morning dips in the ocean as the sun rose over the horizon. 

He was your soulmate, the other half that you never thought you would find—an egocentric and boastful man unlike any other you’d met before. Atsumu was your salvation, but with the fear of commitment and settled life at the back of your brain, you had no choice but to watch as his love faded into remorse. As his undying love was pulled beneath your currents of self-doubt. 

“Thank you.” He spoke, words dull yet also meaningful—full of every last confessional emotion he had to make, full of all the lost ‘I love you’s’ and goodnight wishes in the past seventy-two days of being in each other’s arms. “Thank you for letting me love you.”

And with those words, your heart sailed into the vast horizon—through the swift currents and past the submerged rocks, peaking in the rising and falling black waves. The bright white sail of his stern shading into grey as he became nothing but a speck in the night—lost to the endless sea and unknown future, a future without you. 

A future that you’d never know anything of, communication gone, forgotten between you and stripped away by the receding tides. The tides that had come just as fast as they’d gone—a physical representation of the whirlwind love story that you’d lived during the most memorable summer of your life. As you’d never be able to forget him. 

You’d never be able to forget the first man you’d ever loved. 

taglist of bestie boos <3:

@bokoutoebutmain​ @boba-duckie​ @ryuomen​ @sexy-bee-juice​ @nekomabvc​ @cambodianprincess6

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