#posting this so i can forget abt it and then see if it ages well. if not you Will be hearing from me

[welcometoteyvat]

status scared for the update

[astrophileous]

A Well-Kept Secret

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Synopsis: While working on a case in D.C., Spencer didn't expect to hear a familiar name being mentioned as the sole surviving witness. Or, in which the team discovers Spencer's well-kept secret.

Warning(s): established secret relationship, mentions and/or depictions of death/physical violence/gun violence/injury/attack, signs of trauma, survivor's guilt, curse words, hurt/comfort, nudity but it's not sexual, allusions to sexy times, mentions/implied alcohol consumption

Word Count: 5900-ish

Author's Note: hiya! I decided to write this lil piece after seeing the fic challenge posted by @imagining-in-the-margins abt the family/found family trope. I had a lotta fun writing this one and I think it's got potential to be something more. So pls comment or message me if you wanna see me exploring with this idea (either turning it into a series of connected one-shots or multi-parters). Don't forget to like/comment/reblog and give me a follow :) I hope you enjoy! 💞

Criminal Minds Masterlist

When Hotch had notified the team to haul their asses up and drove all the way to D.C., Spencer never expected that it would also entail him having to suffer through a mini heart attack.

The series of attacks around D.C. had been dominating the 6 PM news segments in the entire country. What was initially perceived as a suspected sequence of robberies gone wrong--since the first two targets to have been hit were a bank and a prestigious auction house--soon turned into a nationwide panic as people realized that there was a bigger game at play.

After the third attack was found to have occurred in the headquarters of one of the top, up-and-coming renewable energy startups in the states, the D.C. police finally started to entertain the idea that perhaps they hadn't been dealing with their usual petty robbers at all.

And naturally, that was when the BAU had been called in.

As soon as the team entered the Metropolitan PD bullpen, they were struck with the smell of panic and the sight of chaos.

"Agent Hotchner?" A middle-aged man in a gray shirt and blue tie appeared in front of them. "My name is Detective Mills, we spoke on the phone."

"Of course, Detective." Hotch shook the other man's hand. "This is my team. Agent Prentiss, Jareau, and Dr. Reid. I have two others already at the latest crime scene. What can you tell us so far?"

"As you can see--" Detective Mills gestured towards the frenzied scene behind him, "--the entire D.C. area is going haywire after news broke out about yesterday's attack. The public is demanding the city to be put on lockdown, and I'm getting pressure from above as well. We received information that nearly half the city has called in sick today."

"A classic response to mass paranoia," Spencer noted.

"Well, paranoia or not, I just want to start getting some answers." Detective Mills began to lead the team further into the bullpen. "I have every pair of hands I could spare in this. If they aren't out there chasing leads, they're here interviewing the victims, friends, and families."

"Any luck so far?" Emily asked.

"Nothing more than what you've probably seen in the files."

Detective Mills pushed open the door to an office in the corner, away from the havoc in the center of the station.

"Lieutenant Jeffreys retired a couple of weeks ago. The lucky bastard." Detective Mills scoffed jokingly. "It's the most decent space I can spare at the moment. Think you'll be fine in here?"

"It's more than enough, Detective. Thank you," Hotch replied.

"What about the witnesses from yesterday's attack? Have you had the chance to interview them?" JJ asked as the rest of the team started setting up.

"Some of my men are with them right now. But I doubt they'll have anything useful. Just like the other two cases, the attack happened while most of the office was out. The rest left behind were DOA at the latest scene."

"They're rapidly devolving," Spencer pondered out loud as he skimmed over the case files. "They went from killing a non-compliant security guard during the first attack to executing almost every witness in the last one."

JJ raised an eyebrow. "Almost?"

"It says here there is one survivor." Spencer showed the word he had underlined in the case overview to JJ.

"Yes, there is," Detective Mills confirmed. "I had one of my men talk to her. There's not much she could give us. Thing is, she wasn't even supposed to be there."

"What do you mean?" Emily asked.

"She didn't work in that office. She was a consultant who just happened to be visiting. Poor girl's pretty shaken up. She hid in a supply closet the entire time. She was the one who found the bodies and called 911."

"So, the perpetrators never checked the rooms while they were holding the victims hostage?" Hotch questioned.

"Not according to her statement, no. See, I thought it weird myself. Do you have any idea why?"

"Not sure." Hotch hummed, deep in thought. "Perhaps our UnSubs didn't think to check because they didn't know someone was in there. Detective, you said all of the victims were the only employees of the company who didn't attend the event downtown, correct?"

"Yeah, they were the only ones who weren't listed as attendees. Why? Do you think those people were specifically targeted?"

"Unfortunately, we can't rule out anything yet this early in the investigation," Hotch said. "We need to talk to the witnesses to know more. JJ?"

"On it." JJ nodded. "What can you tell us about yesterday's sole survivor, Detective?"

"Not much. I didn't interview her personally, one of my men did. She works at a consulting engineering firm in town," Detective Mills replied. "I believe her name is... what is it called?"

When Detective Mills mentioned the name, Spencer's heart instantly crashed inside of its cage.

"What?" His hand had stopped scribbling on the board. In a matter of miliseconds, Spencer had crossed the room towards the doorway where Detective Mills was standing. "What did you say her name was?"

Dumbfounded, the detective stared at a dread-stricken Spencer before spelling out the name once more.

"Why? What's wrong?" Detective Mills asked in confusion.

JJ touched Spencer's shoulder. "Hey, you okay?"

But Spencer, either too alarmed or merely choosing not to acknowledge both questions, asked instead, "Where is she? I need to see her."

"In the waiting room by the pantry--"

Spencer didn't even wait for Detective Mills to form his complete thought before dashing out. JJ exchanged a glance with Emily following Spencer's sudden exit, perplexed by his odd turn of behavior.

"I'll go get him," JJ announced before leaving the room, chasing after a flurry of wavy hair and a wool-knitted purple vest sprinting across the bullpen.

The roaring commotion inside the station was almost loud enough to rival the intensity of your racing thoughts.

Almost.

At this point, you didn't think there was anything you could do anymore. The vivid images from yesterday's attack were playing continuously in your head. There was nothing you could do to stop them.

Rubbing your eyes from exhaustion, you mourned the loss of sleep that you failed to get the previous night. As if the waking nightmares weren't torment enough, the images had somehow translated even more cruelly into your subconscious. You could barely close your eyes for three seconds without feeling like you had been brought back to that place.

Cold, cramped, and alone. Fearing for your life in the tiny supply closet that smelled more like death than bleach.

At the sound of the door opening, you quickly turned around in your seat to hide your face away from prying eyes. The last thing you needed at that moment was having a complete stranger seeing you fall apart in the middle of a police station.

But when the voice came carrying the sound of your name, it wasn't the voice of a complete stranger you had heard. It was a voice you knew more than you probably knew your own. A voice you loved and a voice you had longed to hear for the past gruesome twenty-four hours.

"Spencer?" You turned back towards the door, seeing the face you adored most in the whole world staring back at you.

"Sweetheart."

At the speed of a lightning, Spencer dropped to his knees in front of you and gathered your broken little pieces into his arms.

Spencer's touch was everywhere. Your hair, your neck, your shoulders. As if he was checking whether you were real. That you were actually there inside his arms, and you were not a simple imagination that his mind had conjured up.

Surrounded by the safety of his embrace, you could feel the shattered pieces of yourself beginning to mend once more.

"Spencer," you uttered his name again as you pulled away, still in disbelief that he was physically there with you.

"I'm here," he promised you as he cupped your face gently.

"Spencer, what are you... How..."

"My team is working your case. We arrived half an hour ago," he explained simply. "Sunshine, why didn't you tell me? I thought you were still in Alaska?"

You had previously apprised Spencer that you would be hard to reach during your trip since you would be spending most of your time at the power plant site where cellphone receptions were scarce. So when an entire day went by without him ever hearing from you, Spencer didn't have any reason to be worried.

Never in a million years would he have ever predicted that you'd be caught in the middle of a hostage situation.

That thought alone caused Spencer to squeeze your hand a little tighter than usual.

"I'm sorry, Spence," you said sincerely. "My trip ended earlier than planned. I arrived back yesterday morning. I actually wanted to surprise you last night. After yesterday's... incident, I wanted to call you, but my phone was shot--"

"Wait, what? You were shot?"

"No! No, baby. Not me. Just my phone," you assured him. "But that's why I couldn't call. I did attempt you once using this station's phone, but it went straight to voicemail."

At the new piece of information, the colors immediately drained from Spencer's face.

"That was you? Fuck. I didn't--I didn't know. I rejected the call because I didn't know it was you."

"Hey." You stopped his guilty rambling with a hand to his cheek. "It's okay. I'm okay. I'm just glad you're here."

And then, because Spencer needed to make sure that you really were okay, he pulled you back into his arms and held you even tighter this time.

"Uh, Spence?"

The sound in the doorway snapped you both out of your mutual reverie. You looked up to see a blonde woman there, staring in an equal mixture of shock and confusion at the sight in front of her.

Spencer begrudgingly untangled himself from your arms before getting up to approach her.

"JJ, do you mind if I do the cognitive for this one?" Spencer asked.

The woman--JJ-- shifted her eyes a few times between you and Spencer. "Um, of course. I'll just go and inform Hotch. Tell us if you need anything."

After JJ's departure, Spencer closed the door again to award you both a much needed privacy.

He grabbed a wooden chair from the corner and dragged it before sitting down right in front of you.

"I need to start the interview now, sweetheart. Think you're up for it?"

Your whole body went rigid for a matter of seconds before you forced it to restart again. It was gone as soon as it came, but Spencer noticed it just the same.

"Look at me," Spencer ordered softly, using his delicate finger to nudge your face up until he was looking straight into your eyes. "I know it's scary. I don't want you to have to relive yesterday either, but it will help us catch whoever did this."

"I've told the police everything I knew yesterday. I was hiding the entire time." Like a coward. "I didn't see anything. I don't have anything else that could help you."

"I know that, sunshine. But as I've told you before, our method is slightly different. We won't be just focusing on what you saw, but also what you smelled, or maybe even heard." Spencer took your hands then, squeezing affectionately. "I'll be here with you the entire time."

The nod you gave him was hesitant, but it was a start nonetheless. You listened intently to Spencer's words and closed your eyes just as he had instructed.

"We'll start at the beginning," you heard him say. "Why don't you tell me why you went there yesterday?"

"I, uh, received a call from my friend, Nick, after my plane landed. We had been communicating back and forth since his company seeked my consultation for one of their upcoming projects," you began. "I wasn't even supposed to work because I had requested the day off. But Nick said it didn't have to be a formal meeting, so I agreed to meet him."

"Tell me what you remember after arriving at the office."

Your mind traveled back to that specific time one day prior. You remembered walking into the place and seeing its unusual state of vacancy even though there was still a good half an hour left before lunchtime.

"I just assumed everyone had gone to lunch earlier and shrugged it off," you recalled.

Spencer nodded his head. "Did anything else strike you as out of the ordinary?"

"No? I don't... I don't know. It was only my second time being there, I'm not sure what was normal and what wasn't."

"Okay. That's okay. You're doing good so far, sweetheart," Spencer quickly interjected, trying to get you to calm down before your distress could turn into a full-blown panic. "Now, what did you do next?"

"I followed Nick into his office."

Nick was keeping his promise true. It hadn't felt like a formal meeting, just two old college buddies reminiscing about the past and discussing possibilities of the future that, of course, included the company's upcoming project which you would be working on with him.

"I excused myself to the bathroom at some point," you added. "When I first heard the commotion, I thought nothing of it. It's like the idea that a group full of armed men had taken over the building didn't even cross my mind. I mean, why would it? I was on my way back to Nick's office when I saw them."

You recalled turning a corner after exiting the bathroom only to see those figures carrying machine guns and shouting at everyone to get on their knees or put their hands above their heads. You remembered sprinting the way you had come from and opening the first door you could reach that just happened to be the supply closet.

"Let's go back to the moment you saw them," Spencer urged gently. "How many people were there? Do you remember any conspicuous detail? Maybe one of them had tattoos or spoke with an accent. Anything that distinguished them."

Taking a deep breath, you tried replaying those crucial seconds slowly in your head.

"There were four of them. I couldn't see much. They were all wearing identical black clothes."

Suddenly, an unexpected piece of memory rushed to the front of your mind. You opened your eyes in shock, meeting Spencer's curious gaze that had been kept intently on you the entire time.

"I think at least one of them is a woman," you told him.

Spencer's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Are you sure?"

"One of the guys said something about... fucking this place up. And then she laughed. I heard her. It was definitely a female laugh."

"Good. That's good."

"Yeah? Do you think it'll help?"

Spencer nodded assuredly, bringing his hand to leave calming strokes on your head. "I know it will. You've done a great job, sweetheart. I'm proud of you."

The praise Spencer gave eased the tension in your shoulders. As if having been granted fresh air after decades of confinement, you were finally able to let yourself breathe again.

Spencer continued his loving strokes on your head. Little by little, the weight of his touch melted the resolve you had built into a pathetic puddle on the floor. Without its mental shield protecting you, your tears sped forward, gathering in your eyes until they spilled on the vast path down your cheeks.

"Hey, hey." Spencer's voice was laden with panic after seeing you start to cry. "Sunshine, what is it? What's wrong? Talk to me."

"I-I just... God." You struggled to get the words out in between sobs. "I'm a coward, Spencer."

"What?"

"All of those people... They died because I was a fucking coward."

Your admission tore into the air before stabbing Spencer right through his chest.

"Sweetheart, you know that's not true."

"But it is!" you cried out, pulling away from Spencer's grounding hold around your shaking body in favor of your own arms. "I was a coward. I ran and hid because I was too scared to die. Too scared to fight. If I had just tried a little harder, I could've called for help. That way, maybe all of those people wouldn't... And Nick wouldn't..."

A haunting image flashed behind your eyes. The image of Nick's limp and lifeless body on the floor, among those of the others. You remembered crying next to him, punching his chest, body, and arm despite having seen the gunshot wound on his forehead. It took you another five minutes before you eventually managed to gather yourself together, found a phone, and dialed 911.

Not that it made any difference. They were all already dead.

Spencer could hear his heart breaking at the sight of you curling into yourself, recoiling from his touch because you somehow believed you didn't deserve his affection at that moment. If Spencer could just transfer all of your pain towards him, he would. Seeing you beat yourself up that way over something that happened and was done to you was the worst kind of torture he ever had to endure in life.

And Spencer had been through more kinds of torture than the general population in the world.

Deciding that he had seen enough of your self-deprecating torment, he reclaimed your hands inside of his palms and urged you to look at him.

"Are you hearing yourself right now?" Spencer asked incredulously. "How can you even think that way? Sweetheart, what happened to those people, to Nick, it is not your fault."

"B-but, if I hadn't run away--"

"Then you would've died, too," he cut you off. "Sunshine, there were four of them with machine guns. No one stood a single chance against them. Those people were there to kill. There was nothing you could've done."

It was a hard pill to swallow, but Spencer needed you to hear it.

He needed you to know the truth no matter how unacceptable it was.

"If you hadn't hid from them, we would've found seven bodies there instead of six. And I--" Spencer took a shuddering breath, "--I would've lost you."

Your shoulders deflated at his revelation. "Spence--"

"So please--" he searched your eyes then, using his thumb to sweep away the remaining tears under your eyes, "--stop holding yourself accountable. I promise I will do everything I can to find those people and make them pay for what they did."

Spencer's vow triggered a new wave of tears that compelled you to sink into his awaiting arms. He let you stay there until you had cried your tears dry. It was something he also secretly needed for himself after suffering through the short-lived horror over the mention of your name in relation to the heinous case. He just needed to make sure that you were okay.

A few minutes passed by with you in his arms. Eventually, Spencer had to tear himself away to finish his job. He asked you to wait as he wrapped up the transcript of your cognitive interview, along with his professional report over it.

"I need to run somewhere real quick. I promise to be back in a couple of hours," he notified JJ as he handed her the interview report. "Tell Hotch for me? Thanks."

Without waiting for his friend's reply, Spencer rushed back to the waiting room before leading you out to take you home.

Back at your apartment, Spencer guided you towards the direction of your bathroom as soon as you had stepped into the threshold.

"Are you trying to get me naked, Spencer?" you remarked playfully after he refused to let you take your clothes off yourself.

"Yes." The gleaming mischief in your eyes caused him to flick your nose lightly. "Just to get you ready for your bath. Get your head straight, will you?"

You scoffed at his back as he turned around to check the water temperature in the tub.

Once you were submerged safely inside, Spencer left the bathroom to give you some privacy. Meanwhile, he began rummaging through your drawers to pull out a change of clothes, a towel, and a clean sheet for your bed.

By the time you exited, Spencer had changed your bedsheets and lit one of your favorite candles on the bedside table. He asked you to sit down on the bed as he kneeled before you, helping you put on the pajamas he had picked out with little prints of sunflowers on them.

None of Spencer's touches were sexual. They swept over your skin with the care of an artist handling their most precious work. When his eyes found yours, you swore you could almost cry from the intense adoration that seemed to shine so brightly out of them.

As he guided you to lie on the bed, you were surprised to see him following suit. He got under the covers with you, pulling you close to tangle every inch of your limbs with his.

"I love you, Spencer," you admitted to his chest, heart heavy with the deep appreciation and overwhelming affection for the man beside you.

Spencer looked down at your confession, finding his favorite pair of eyes already looking earnestly at him. Instinctively, he reached for your chin with his fingers, tugging your face upward until he could capture your lips with his.

The kiss was slow. Careful. Filled with silent promises and discreet reassurances. When you both parted, Spencer didn't pull himself away. Instead, he let his forehead touch yours while his eyes stayed closed.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" you asked quietly.

"Yes, sweetheart. Now go to sleep."

Although the two of you knew his answer was a lie, you both chose to pretend otherwise. You knew Spencer still had responsibilities to fulfill, along with a promise to you that he intended to keep. You knew that when you woke up later that evening, Spencer would already be long gone, and you would be forced to bask in the traces of himself that he had left behind.

But for now, Spencer was still there, in the comfort of your bedroom, lying on the bed next to you. And that knowledge alone was good enough for you to finally drift further into the land of sleep, surrounded by the warmth of Spencer's loving embrace.

"I'm telling you," JJ insisted, looking at her entire team minus Spencer and Hotch. "There was definitely something going on between them. Why else would he request to take over the cognitive for me?"

"Maybe he was feeling generous," Rossi deadpanned, earning an unimpressed glare from JJ.

It had been a full week since the BAU team had arrived in D.C. to investigate the series of gun attacks in the city. Just the day prior, they had successfully made their fourth arrest, bringing this case to yet another satisfying conclusion in the eye of justice.

If nothing else was amiss, they should have been on their way back to Quantico in less than an hour. In the meantime, though, JJ felt obliged to gather her team members in the middle of the bullpen to share her suspicion about a certain scene she had accidentally caught on their first day working the case.

"Pretty boy did seem more emotionally involved in this case than he usually does, though," Derek pointed out.

"Right? Right?" JJ replied almost too enthusiastically. "Come on, aren't you guys at least half as curious as I am about who this mystery girl might be? Don't you wanna try finding out who she is while we're still here?"

They all stared at each other in hesitation.

"Or, we could just ask Spencer directly and let him explain?" Emily suggested, receiving incredulous looks from the other three in response. "Yeah, you're right. What did you say her name was again?"

"I don't remember," JJ answered.

"It must be listed in the files somewhere, right?" Derek immediately sprung into action, reaching towards the scattered case files that might contain the name they were looking for.

"Just to be clear, I am not taking any part in this." Rossi sighed.

"Got it!" Derek waved the offending file in hand, giving it to JJ, who instantly began skimming over it.

"Alright. Says here that her name is..."

JJ read the name aloud when unexpectedly, an answering sound sprouted from behind them.

"Yes?"

Every single one of them turned in shock at your voice. You smiled at their wide-eyed expressions, waving your hand a little awkwardly in the air.

"You!" JJ exclaimed.

"Me?"

Emily nudged JJ in the ribs, making the blonde woman wince.

"Y-you're the witness from the startup case, right?" JJ said, trying to rectify the situation.

"That's me."

"What can we do for you, Miss?" Rossi asked, stepping forward and away from the rest of the group.

"I'm actually looking for Spencer. Do you know where he might be?"

"Spencer Reid? You know Reid?" Emily asked.

Before you had the chance to reply, the man in question came strolling into the bullpen, rambling animatedly to Hotch who was walking beside him. The moment Spencer caught sight of you, though, he immediately abandoned Hotch's side and rushed towards where you were standing.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, of course," you told him, fitting yourself easily into Spencer's side as his arm went around your waist. "Hi, Hotch."

The older man called your name in greeting. "I got your message. You wanted to talk to me?"

"I wanted to ask you--well, all of you, actually--" you glanced around at the other team members, "--if maybe you all would let me treat you to lunch? As a thank you for your hard work on the case."

Hotch nodded in response. "It's fine with me. We don't have to be back until tonight, anyway. Everyone?"

Instead of replying to your offer, Emily voiced aloud the question that was circling everyone's mind.

"You know her?" Emily looked at Hotch before dragging her eyes away towards you. "And you know him? You know each other? How?"

You gazed up at Spencer's eyes, seeing them shining with the same mirth as the one you felt dancing in your stomach.

"I guess this is supposed to be the part where I introduce myself, isn't it?" You chuckled.

Extending your palm, you shook each of their hands while telling them your name, them responding back with theirs even though you already knew who was who long before you had even met them.

"I still don't understand," JJ admitted after you finished shaking her hand. "How did you know Spencer and Hotch?"

Once again, you looked into Spencer's eyes, a question bouncing around in yours. Spencer's nod of affirmation was the only go-ahead you needed.

It's time.

"I'm Spencer's girlfriend."

"She's my wife."

You turned your head towards Spencer in shock.

In front of you, Spencer's teammates were causing an uproar.

"Wait, what?" Emily stared dumbfoundedly.

"You have a girlfriend?" Derek asked in disbelief.

"You're married?!" JJ shrieked.

"Hold on a second," Rossi interjected, holding his palms out as if to tell everyone to stand down and calm themselves. "So which one is it? Girlfriend or wife?"

And that was how you found yourself sitting in the private VIP room of your favorite restaurant in the city with some of Spencer's closest people on earth.

"That's the craziest story I've ever heard," Emily pondered in astonishment.

Rossi, Derek, and JJ were all wearing an identical look on each of their faces after hearing the story of how you and Spencer met: by drunkenly getting married in Vegas after only knowing each other for barely one night when you both weren't even twenty-two yet.

"If someone were to tell me yesterday that there's another member of this team who also went to get married while drunk in Vegas, I would have never even thought of mentioning Spencer's name," JJ mused.

At your curious expression, Spencer explained, "Rossi also got drunkenly married in Vegas to his third ex-wife,"

"Why didn't you two get a divorce?" Emily suddenly asked.

It was something that everyone who knew about your situation with Spencer had questioned at one point or another. The real answer was because you and Spencer had both been reluctant to go through the nasty and lengthy legal process of getting a divorce. Therefore, you decided to part ways without doing anything about it, vowing to only track each other down if one of you ever needed to end the bond because of another impending marriage or any other urgent matter.

But that reason alone was usually not enough to appease people's curiosity. And over the years, you and Spencer had poked fun over that particular fact by coming up with the most outrageous lie you could muster up.

"She wanted to get a divorce," Spencer fabricated smoothly. "I persuaded her otherwise because I had this inkling that someday we were gonna fall in love."

Usually, any other people would coo sweetly at Spencer's statememt.

But these weren't any other people. These people were Spencer's family in more ways except flesh and blood, and even without their profiling skills, you knew they could see right through Spencer's little deception.

"That sounds like bullshit to me. Doesn't that sound like bullshit to you?" Emily asked, turning to JJ for support.

"Yeah, that was bullshit, alright," JJ claimed vehemently, prompting an innocent-looking grin from Spencer and a series of chuckles from everyone else.

"When did you two start dating, then?" Rossi spoke up from one end of the table.

"About two years after Vegas, right?" you estimated, to which Spencer nodded in confirmation. "He strolled into my place of work while he was on a case, and then he asked me out."

Derek sat up on his seat after hearing the new information. "Wait, when was this? Why didn't I know about this?"

"The beginning of my second year in the BAU," Spencer offered. "Elle knew."

"Elle? Elle Greenway? You told Elle but not me?" Derek looked offended.

Spender shrugged nonchalantly. "Elle was assigned with me that day."

"Unbelievable." Derek slumped back down in his chair. "Penelope is gonna freak when she finds out what she missed today."

"Penelope? Oh, she already knows," you told him.

That revelation earned a collective disbelief look across the entire table.

"Yeah... I, uh," you cleared your throat, "I actually just went shopping with her two weeks ago."

"You've got to be kidding me," Emily muttered.

"You told Penelope but not me?" Derek sounded hurt as he pointed his accusatory stare at Spencer. "You even told Hotch!"

"I didn't tell Garcia. She dug through my history and found it out herself. Had to bribe her with candies and chocolates for a whole month to keep her quiet," Spencer grumbled. "And I had to tell Hotch. We needed to add her number to my emergency contact list."

Despite Spencer's concise explanation, Derek still seemed unsatisfied by the whole ordeal.

"How long have you known?" he finally decided to ask Hotch.

"A while," the man answered from his seat at the opposite end of the table from Rossi. "They even babysat Jack a few times for me."

"I don't believe this," Derek scowled. "Pretty boy's got himself a girl for the last six years, and I never knew? Outrageous."

"Technically, we've been married even longer than that," Spencer responded, as if he was unaware of the imminent glower that Derek was sending his way. "Eight years since Vegas."

"That's longer than any of my marriage," Rossi remarked before sipping his drink.

The laugh that resonated upon Rossi's little comment elicited an affectionate smile on your lips.

"So, you live in D.C., then?" JJ asked, at last stirring the conversation away from the topic of your and Spencer's secret marriage-slash-relationship.

"I do, yeah. But most of the time, I live out of my suitcase," you answered. "My firm has clients all over the country. A few overseas, as well. I'm lucky if I even get to have an entire week to sleep uninterrupted in my own bed."

Even then, you truthfully quite enjoyed the work you had to do. You didn't mind having to travel some place new every other week. In fact, you somehow believed that your constant need to travel for your job, and Spencer for his, was one of the reasons why the two of you worked so well together.

Although people might think that two adults who had to travel for a living were a recipe for a disastrous relationship, you and Spencer had so far proven otherwise. Because of your respective schedules, you could sympathize more with the other anytime they had to go somewhere urgent for work. It only made you savor every single second you spent together because of how much precious each one of them became.

The rest of lunch unraveled with the same bucket of smiles, jokes, and laughter. It felt good to finally tell the few people who meant the world in Spencer's life the truth about your relationship. It was also a huge relief to see them opening their arms and welcoming you into the family without an ounce of hesitation.

"Hotch?" Spencer called out after everyone exited the restaurant. "Will it be okay if I stay in the city for one more night?"

"As long as you promise to be back for tomorrow's briefing," Hotch reminded sternly, but the meaningful look he passed over you before he entered his vehicle spoke of a thousand things left unsaid.

"It was so nice meeting you," JJ said as she took you in her arms. "And I'm sorry again about your friend."

"Thank you. And thanks for all of your hard work in catching those guys."

"Of course, it's what we do." JJ smiled as she pulled away. "Invite me and Emily the next time you and Penelope hang out, okay?"

"Will do," you promised.

You watched as every single one of them scrambled into the two black SUVs, waving your goodbye until the cars drove out of your sight.

"I think that went well," you commented before looking up at Spencer. "Do you?"

"I think it went as well as it could."

"So--" you began, circling your arms around Spencer's neck, "--we have more than twelve hours until you're expected back at Quantico. What do you wanna do?"

Spencer nudged your nose with his. "I can think of a few activities we can partake in."

"Really?"

"Really."

Just as he was a hairbreadth away from pressing his lips to yours, you suddenly tore yourself out of Spencer's arms.

"Like getting some frozen yogurts?" you asked giddily, smirking at the dumbfounded look that you managed to put on Spencer's face.

"Fine. Let's go get some frozen yogurts."

Spencer had to hide his amused grin at your elated squeals. He was more than content at that moment to let you produce those addictive sounds at the mere prospect of frozen yogurts.

But later that night, he had a whole different set of activities lined up to pull those same sounds out of you once more.

And it might or might not potentially involve an entirely different yet creative use of frozen yogurts as well.

Spencer simply just hadn't decided yet.

[haechurch]

forgetting me, forgetting you

It's not the way that jeno doesn't look at you the same. It's not the way of him chasing after a girl and leaving you behind in the evening downpour. It's not the way jeno said he didn't even love you that night. It's just nothing but your broken heart.

pairing: idol!jeno x fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff (kinda), angstt

wc: 4.8+k

warnings: minors dni, unprotected sex, oral (m, f receive), spitting, kind of meanie jeno, implied exhibitionist, degrading, praising, spanking, teasing, fingering, tons of pet name, hard and soft sex, etc etc, you know when i said idol and fan relationship its just so unreal as well as how their jobs work lmao ((i had a problem to make this at least a lil bit realistic) also not seem too delusional but- just pls dont @ me, i mean its a fic)

! how embarrassing that this shit got posted accidentally (i hate tmblr) my pupils were literally shaking lol. for those who might accidentally saw this (i know theres not even a soul who cares abt it..) ofc i had this to be revised also its inspired by rv song, in my dreams, (originally the title for this one but i changed it!) i might also have songs recommendation, its [coldplay-yellow > conan gray-astronomy > yoari-dice game > exo-hurt > davichi-forgetting you > red velvet-in my dreams]

Everything was pandemonium from the start. You saw jeno in person for the first time in the concert venue. Yes. He is the singer. That singer. A born-talented, handsome, lovable idol from nct. He didn't even know you were there, in the crowd of audience hyping his band up. Never in your dreams you thought you'd met him in person, but fate brings you two together. It was what you believed until then. Fate brings your jeno who has never been yours in the first place to kindly remind you that he will never be yours even at the end of the time.

You worked hard for your pay. You work as an employee (that mostly work for dreamies) under jeno's company after you earned your post graduate title while studying in korea. That point when you made it out, you never even thought that this was a real chance to finally get him.

That's just insane, to get lee jeno, in a somehow, romantic way. But you tried anyway. Ordinary person with an extraordinary person? Or can you just say idols and fans relationship? That jeno from all the people living on this earth? Mostly impossible. Those who live around you will think you're crazy for wanting someone who literally exists in a different world from you. Even though you're 'coexisting' with him and seeing him from time to time, that would not be enough; so near yet so far.

It's so hard to work under the company and let it flow at first. Without a will, you'll never get what you want. Even though this one is nearly impossible, you attempt to keep the mindset that revolves around you: it will work if you try, try, try and try.

But it's useless. Who do you think you are? You can't even be allowed to speak nor get close to him except if it's necessary. It's hard to work with him like a normal acquaintance. To them, to jeno, you're simply invisible. 

However, you did make it clear enough. No surrendering. That's the least you can keep in mind. 

But again, he didn't even spare you a glimpse.

Then there was this day when you two were put together in the same dressing room, waiting for some interviews coming up. There's actually no reason for you to not share the same room because technically, you're their regular staff. The rest of the members and other staff were nowhere to be found, it was you and him. You and jeno all alone in the same room. You nearly choked yourself when you were about to open your mouth as jeno scooted to where you sat. 

"Hi." He lightly started the conversation. You swear to god you can hear your own heartbeat. Keeping yourself calm and professional, you hum and put the sweetest smile to him. "Hello."

"I'm so sorry if i sound rude, but i believe we're around the same age? I've been seen you around and i just knew you're a regular staff in here," you intensely stared at him, eyes widened in disbelief that he just casually- 

"We can be friends if you wan-" 

"We can?!"

-asked you to be his friend.

Realizing you just replied to him in 0,023 seconds, you covered your mouth and muttered 'sorry' to him. He just laughed. Oh. That laugh.

That's when you feel like you two were 'getting closer' as he asked you to be his friend for some idiotic reason (u really have no idea why the universe would gave you this kind of, miracle, you'd say, but you're fucking grateful).

Of course you can be friends with everyone. Also a staff (fan) and an artist couldn't be an exception, right? But once again who are you kidding, lee jeno is super busy, and you should know it could probably the friendship that only lasts for four hours.

You didn't meet jeno for weeks and you missed him so bad. Sometimes you got to talk to him after he befriend you (tho it happens only if you had that rare chance) but both of you didn't get a long time to properly talk and have a good conversation. And it's been a long time, you just missed him.

Did he perhaps miss you too? Did he ever think about you even just for a split second? You shake your head from the thoughts and scoff at yourself. He probably already erased you from his memory. And that night, you drifted into a deep slumber whilst thinking about how he wouldn't remember you.

―

But you were dead wrong. That day was very hot because apparently, it's in the middle of summer, and you were called for a job in a broadcasting house which happened to be the same place for the band to attend their schedule.

You're standing in front of a vending machine, getting a drink when you hear someone call your name. You turned around and found jeno, looking at you with his smiling eyes.

"Jeno!? What are you doing here?" You can't hide your pearly whites when you see him, so please meet him again after a while.

"We're having some jobs here. How about you?" He asked. 

"Um, me too! But mine's still running, i take a little coffee break right before come back to the site. Have you finished yours?"

"Yes, actually," jeno scratched his nape awkwardly before he continued. "Uhh, do you perhaps want to meet me after you are done? Just for a sec?" He asked.

"Sure! I'll text you when i'm done?" 

Yes, you both are having each other's numbers but can't even communicate a single thing through it. He didn't text you. And you, being the one who shamelessly asked for his numbers which he gladly gave it, never once texts him because as you can see, you're being professional enough to keep your words that it's only for the matter of work.

"Cool." You both smiled to each other and stood awkwardly for a good seconds until jeno left. 

So, did he just wait for you until you're done because he said he just finished his schedule? Is that even possible for him to do that?

The answer is yes. Though with a little bit of delay. He asked you to meet him after you're done, just to have you wait for him in the nearby cafe for nearly 20 minutes.

Jeno: uhh hi its jeno

Jeno: im so sorry for keeping you waiting

You: oh hii

You: nah its okayy not a biggie

Jeno: its the manager hyung, i told him i have to go somewhere but you know its hard to cooperate with them :/

Jeno: look i promise it will just need to b arranged real fast okay

You: okaaay i know youre busy you can really take your time tho

Jeno: so sorry ;(((

You: jeno its fine :*

You: :(

Jeno: thanjk you for the understanding ;)

Jeno: ill be there in.. 5 mins?

You: ill be here waiting!

You were smiling like crazy reading his texts. All you did was blushing and heart skipping while replying to him. He was so cute. And it's the first time you guys exchange texts. And he did it first! (how its a big deal for you)

Then there he is. Entering the cafe with a little skip and making a bee line to your table then sit down in front of you. 

"Right on time." He said jokingly. You just chuckled at him.

"Sooo what's up? What is it that you wanted to talk about in your very packed schedule, busy bee?"

He exhaled harshly before replying. "Nothing. Just wanna get out and have some fresh air."

He averted his gaze to yours before continue, "with my new friend." 

You raised one of your eyebrows at the boy. "Yeah? I thought you already forgot me because i was just simply a girl that worked at your company," you talk as you fold your hands.

"Why would i? I'll remember you anyway. You once fell in front of me when you were about to open some door and that actually was funny as hell. Shouldn't laugh but i can't help it. Oops. Should have not told you this part too..."

Your face heated in a second, and yes, you did that and it was humiliating and you felt very stupid. That time you were about to enter the conference room at the company building, but jeno (also the other members were there) was opening the door at the same time, unfortunately you stumbled on your feet and ended up kneeling at his.

He take a glance at you again then continue. "And you're pretty pretty."

You immediately looked up to him. You can't explain how his sudden confession affect you so much and leave your heart throbbing like crazy. 

Fortunately you can keep your act.

You chuckled and replied, "and what's that supposed to mean."

"I'm just saying that you're beautiful." 

He surely knows how to mess with your heart.

"And i'm getting worried that your eyes might have a problem," you laughed, more to laughing at yourself.

"No. I meant it."

You looked at him again, flustered, and he smiled when he saw you taken aback. A mischievous smile to be exact.

"Are you flirting with me?" Of course you were kidding. Asking that kind of question sounds nonchalant, even have no shame. But you had nothing to lose anyway.

"Would you accept it?" 

You blinked rapidly, your heart beating so fast in your chest, your palms were sweaty. He got you questioning yourself on how you can not fall for him even more? It's getting even deeper every minute you spend your time with him. He's dangerous. 

You were stunned for a moment. You felt like your cheeks burned, they're emitting flame. Your head short circuited for a while yet all you can think about is jeno. Jeno jeno jeno and jeno. The moment you can't hold it back from spilling, you just let it burst.

"I like you." 

Oh, you don't even care anymore about your image. The moment you spit that you felt like the most stupid, dense person alive on earth.

"I know." 

He responded in a heartbeat, and you felt fire burn a hole into you.

"You what?"

"I said i know. I noticed. And i do to."

"I'm so lost." You started to believe that you're out of your mind.

"I'm saying that i like you too."

Your pupils doesn't even falter when you stare at his face. You might just scream or gasp or even cry, but you were too stunned to speak, the way you were so calm also surprised yourself. You shake your head as you doubt your hearing and gave him a bitter smile.

"You're joking."

"Yes." 

Your eyes widen from his answer. He's such a prankster. 

"Jeno!"

He laughed. His laugh is so carefree but feels shy at the same time, that is just screaming lee jeno so much.

"So what am i supposed to say? You already heard me."

"I'm just trying to seek clarity." You narrow your eyes playfully. Now you don't even know where the confidence in you came from.

"You're my clarity." 

Now that sounds straight up came from a song lyric.

This whole time you think that you're crazy for wanting lee jeno, but here you are having a little cafe date and knowing him to have the same feeling as you are.

-

"Ah!" you squeal as your head thud against the hard surface.

"Sorry," jeno apologized as he giggled, then continue to peppering kisses down your neck.

Both of you were alone in a room at the backstage, making out like crazy before he bring you to the nearest table and pin you down. You sigh blissfully, thanking heaven every time your bodies this close, that you finally have jeno for your own and not anybody else. It's not the first time that he finally touched you, but every single one of his touches feels like the first time.

Oh, of course that didn't just happen in a night. He's been so sweet and kind to you that you mistaken his deed as something more than platonic relationship.

He bought you food. He told the manager to drop you off at your apartment at night when the schedule's over. You both go to the staff's cafeteria and eat lunch together. You offer him to go cycling together when he's off, and he did. He lent you his airpods when you lost one. You brewed his morning coffee. He called you one night and said that he's missing you. You asked him if you can do the same, texting or calling him as a normal friend would do despite both of your jobs. And that one night where he sneaked out to your apartment just to say that he wanted you.

That moment you thought everything is indeed possible. 

"Jen! Wait!"

He's currently railing you stupid at the backstage.

Now both of your hands were on the wall, legs spread open for him to easily pound you from the back. 

"Shit, this pussy's so tight." He slowed down, dragging his cock precise and keen, watching how his length appeared then disappeared inside your pussy.

"You like that baby?"

Your ears are buzzing, eyes fluttering, you only mewl and all you can hear is squelching sounds from how wet your pussy is before he sped up, skins clapping resonated all over the room.

When you didn't answered, he stopped and brings your hair to a ponytail then yanked your head up so your back is now against him as he whispered, "i said, am i fucking you good, little slut?" Well he can be cruel sometimes, but both of you know his mouth isn't that dirty on daily basis. He's just having his moment.

"Fuck yes," you finally speak.

Jeno railed into you again, he prop you to stand up, right hand on your hip, clamping so hard it'll leave bruises, and left hand grasping at your jaw to make you face him, his lips ghosting between your ear and lips, heavy breathing and all.

When he brushed against your earlobe, he whispered right onto your ear, "open your fucking mouth."

You obliged, as he bent your neck back and you presented all of yourself in front of him, he spit into your mouth. "Perfect. Keep it there like a good girl you are." 

Jeno started to pick up pace again, this time hitting your spot deliciously over and over, sending you to the cloud nine.

You agape as you moan, all while your mouth full of your and his spit, nonetheless making an effort to keep jeno's words but you're already drooling all over your chin.

"J-jen.."

"Shh, no need to say a thing baby girl, keep your pretty mouth shut."

Jeno suddenly lift you up and prop your back against the table. He's hovering over you, tapping your cheek, oblige you to open your mouth again, and spit another glob into yours.

"Now keep that warm and safe, you could do that, right angel?"

He asked and you only nodded in response. "That's it. Now let me make you feel good."

He spread your dangling legs by pushing on your thighs then dragging his hard and big cock along your slit, making a quite lubrication.

You're a whiny mess, never in your life you thought you'd have sex with lee jeno in a random room on their backstage, and he's pretty wild at the moment.

Before you can process a thing, he's already on his knee, eating you out slowly. You tug at his hair and hoist your hip up, but he's keeping you in place. He's taking his time, kitten licking at your opening with a slow pace, sucking softly at the clit, but it already making you tremble and wanting more. He's keeping the act for a while before the frustrations hit you.

"Jeno, hurry the fuck up."

He stop doing his ministrations, and as he pissed off, he suddenly lift you up again, your front pushed to the nearest wall.

"What did i just say to you? Shut your fucking mouth. Don't fucking speak. Why did you speak?"

He landed a couple of hard slap against your ass, making you yelp and shriek, "i-m sorry, please," your head drooped, your body trembling, but not from fear.

It's excitement.

Another slap on your ass. "Please what? Tell me, angel, what is it?

He kneaded your flesh and put his length between your ass cheek, nuzzling it sensually, and it made you bite your lip hard, can't take his teasing no more.

"Please," you almost sob. "Please, jeno, fuck me."

You beg, and he immediately bend you fully over again, both of his hands were on your hips as he fuck you into oblivion.

"Princess wanna get fucked. What she wants, she gets." 

He kissed his teeth before he rammed into you, hitting that sweet spot precisely over and over again it felt so good. Your hands and legs almost gave up, but he grabbed your hip in place. As you moan and scream for him, he keep chanting that he want you to come for him.

"Jeno, i'm fucking close- fuck," your hair is tangled, you're a drooling mess, your eyes rolled up. He fuck you so good it leave you dumb. Jeno's hips never once falter, he keep fucking into you rapidly as you whine non stop.

"Fuck, come all over me. Come on," he encouraged you.

"Coming!" You're a moaning mess, pussy can't help but tightened around him, making him curse under his breath. He continue to pistoning as he chasing his high, prolonged your own orgasm.

"Fuck, gonna cum," his thrust remain steady until it finally stopped, buried so deep inside you as he fill you up to the brim. Jeno finally pulled out, your hands and elbow propped against the wall as you arched your back while bending over, giving him a full sight of your ass and pussy overflowing with his cum. 

"Shit.." jeno cursed as he ran a hand through his fringe.

You felt your bodies emitting fog from the fever, glistening with sweat.

Just after that, you both heard a knock and someone's shouting.

"Are you guys done there? Jeno, get your loud ass out there right now, we're running out of time." 

You wouldn't miss whose voice it was.

It's fucking na jaemin. You felt embarrassment creep down your spine when you realized he found out, although nothing like the rest of the members doesn't know about the relationship you two have. But still, caught red handed fucking in the backstage with his band mate is a little bit..

"That's embarrassing.." you sigh while covering your face, making jeno chuckled as he patted your head.

"He'll get used to it." He smiled like a puppy, as he not merely fuck you senseless just now.

-

You said that it's embarrassing. But it seems like you're liking how unusual things did give you some thrilling sensations you can't explain. Since then, you've had sex with jeno in the void meeting room when everybody's leaving from work. It's giving you anxiety on what if someone's barge in, or the worst-you'd get kicked out from the company and never ever get the same job even at the different place again-but funnily, you can't resist the good feeling jeno made you and the realization that you were actually enjoying the shit, eventually not giving any fuck if someone know.

Another day of you and jeno spending time together in the same room, giving some different kind of affections to each other. And you're just too afraid to say something; to ask him: 'what are we?' Because you couldn't be more happy with what's happening between you two now. And tonight is a bit different because you feel your heart ache in the way he hold you as he won't let go.

"Jeno.." you arched your back when his tongue trailed from your abdomen up to your breasts while he attempted to unclasp your bra.

After freeing the flesh, he mumbled in awe, "beautiful."

He latched his tongue on your nipple, swirling it with purpose, to make you even wet just for him, and him only, just like the way he liked it.

"Fuck, it feels so good, don't stop," you pulled on his hair, a signal for him to keep going. 

"Yeah? You like that, pretty girl?" Jeno kneaded on your swell as he sucked again on your nipple.

"Louder. Moan louder for me." And that's what you did. Your fucked up sounds is a music to his ears, railing him up to the extent where he just wanted to sink in you. 

Jeno cupped your sex, your panties were damp in arousal. "Shit, look at you. So fucking wet." He slid his fingers up and down your panties before he slipped his fingers in. You whimpered when his cold digit met your folds. He only play with your opening and clit, but it already drive you crazy. You're practically drooling, he's collecting your essence on his fingers before he bring it up to his mouth, tasting your arousal. You huff and puff, look already fucked up before him when he barely did anything.

"So pretty. So fucked up. So needy for me."

All you did is fucking whine. Lee jeno is driving you insane.

"Please," you plead. "Jeno,"

"Hm? What is it princess?" He asked with a sweet mocking tone.

"Fingers. Want your fingers inside me." You sternly told him, but your gaze was infirm.

He chuckled then replied, "of course baby, you'll have it. But later. I have to taste you first. Will you let me?"

He asked for your permission and what on earth is stopping you from letting him eat you out? Of course you would never say no.

"Pleasee," your whiny voice made him smile from ear to ear in satisfaction.

"Love it when you beg."

Jeno get down to eye level with your pussy before dive in. Your hips wouldn't stop thrusting up to him and pulling his hair, his strong hands looping on your thighs. At this rate his face buried deep between you legs and tongue prod into your cunt, exploring your hole, lips trying so hard to swallow you up, open mouthed kiss at your pussy, sucking and lapping. He's eating you out like there's no tomorrow. 

"Fuck, i think i'm gonna cum."

Jeno chuckled, "already? So spoilt."

Jeno bring his fingers down and curled the digit expertly inside your pussy, you're wiggling like crazy when he reached that sweet spot that got your pussy tightening around him, then he sucked your clit hard, made you cum in instant at his doing.

You gradually came down from your high and stared at him in the eye, begging.

"Jeno, please, let me suck you off."

He feels like he's flying up the cloud seeing you prettily begged for him. Then he smiled, "can't say no to a pretty girl like you."

You bit your lip before you kneeled in front of him, taking a hand of his hard cock and kissed the tip. You hold onto his balls while you licked and sucked along his shaft until your tongue met with the tip, then sink into his cock, swallowing him whole. You bobbed your head up and down, sucking in intensity. He groaned and bring his hand through your hair, while he got his head thrown back against the headboard.

"You're doing so good baby, keep going."

He hissed painfully, his muscles clenched and his grab on your hair is getting tight. Your left hand massaging his balls, mouth sucking at the tip, the other hand stroking the rest of his shaft.

"Fuck, i'm not gonna last." He hold your head and thrust into your mouth, chasing his high. Your gagged sound heard all over the room, eyes pricked from tears. His groan went louder and that's when he came all over your mouth, and you swallowed all of his seed like a good girl, his good girl.

You lap all of his fluid, cleaning his cock clean, and lick your own lips.

"God you're pretty." His stare full with admiration, then he caged you between his arms, locked your lips with his in a passionate kiss. Tongue dancing with each other, nipping at one's lip. Both of you moan into the kiss, until he break it first.

Your back arched so high, hips pressed against his own, wanted more just than kissing him, but he pushed your belly down and leaned in.

"Need you now. Need to make love to you."

Once again, your heart sank at his confession. You're already tearing up as he pushed his big cock into you, soon picking up a steady pace to thrust between your wall, all while kissing you out. His kiss felt so soft and sweet, but also fragile at the same time. Your bodies met, no space in between. You hug him tightly, so afraid that he might just run away or disappear in the blink of an eye. He made you feel so good you're crying, can't even think or talk straight, your mind felt numb.

That night, you remembered vividly the last word he said before you passed out.

"I love you."

-

The rainy night made you feel all lazy. You wouldn't get up from bed if you just didn't feel the urge to go to the convenience store and fulfill your craving with some warm food. You're definitely starving.

You take out your umbrella because it's still raining, but as you nearly arrived, it's became a drizzle before it came to a stop.

You fold your umbrella as you walk closer, but before entering the place, you definitely saw jeno at the dark aisle between two buildings; making out with who the fuck you don't care, as if someone could've not just pass by and saw them two passionately changing spits.

You froze in your place, can't even walk any closer to where jeno was. You felt anger bubbling up to your chest and at the same time, you can't help your heart from breaking into pieces.

But as someone's controlling you, you suddenly stomped on your feet, making a way to them with balled fists, and you nearly scream when you call him out.

"Jeno."

The two broke the kiss after couple of seconds as if they're unbothered, both dripping from the drizzle. He turned at you, eyes dark and indicating that he wasn't even surprised to see you there. 

But then he opened his mouth, "how th-"

"What the fuck?" You cut him before he talk, spitting your anger out, voice all husky and spiteful, extremely vulnerable at the same time.

"Who the fuck is that?" Your eyes burned from restraining tears roll down your cheeks.

"What happened with the other days when we literally spent time together? Yesterday, you just- we just- fuck, i- i thought you just said that you lo-"

You can't help but blubbering, can't even say the last word you meant from spilling out. It's too much.

The girl he was making out with tried to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist.

You scoffed, speechless.

Did he just stop her?

Sickeningly, he just walked by you as he made a way out while dragging her with him.

You swear you just felt so fucking dumbfounded. He didn't even say a word since earlier.

When you can't hold your tears back again, you break out and scream his name out. 

"LEE JENO!"

He looked back from his shoulder, but he still put the same blank expression in front of you before he chuckled.

"Well. Looks like i've got nothing to explain since you already saw it."

Still standing with the balled fists, you can't even talk as you were trying so hard to figure things out. Why the fuck did he do this? Did this to you?

"I believe you're capable enough to think with your little brain, princess."

Suddenly, the rain started to pouring again, leaving you all soaked up gradually.

He's giving you the nastiest smile he have ever showed you as he made his getaway with the girl and said,

"Wake the fuck up. I have never loved you."

―

And that's when you wake up from your dreams.

As your eyes fluttered, you felt tears running from the corner of your eyes, making your sideburns damp uncomfortably.

This fucking whole thing is a dream. A dream that's so real.

No wonder that all of it was happening so fast; and absurd.

Now you can't even think of jeno the same way anymore if you see him at work. 

You checked your phone. Of course it's december. You laughed bitterly at yourself when you realized you trapped with jeno in your dreams when it's fucking summer. You swear you can even feel the heat. It just felt so true.

You get up on your elbows then cursed under your breath before muttered to yourself, "never thought you'd love and hurt me at the same time."

And it's not even in the real world.

Is it better because it's just a dream? Or is it not because the real thing is even more an awful truth you need to accept?

That's when you realized that the meaning of impossible is literally as it is. It's the time for you to understand that both of you is poles apart, that he is different.

You'll never ever get him, and you need to forget him; as he might already forget you.

[stonercow]

intro post :)

first off, this is an NSFT blog!!!! MDNI!!!!!!! if you don't have an age/age range on ur account ur also not getting in!!!

DNI : usual dni stuffs, you don't support palestine/zionist, over 40, fetishizer, pro ana/ed, no age, under 18, don't respect my disability/my limits that come with it, treat me like a sex toy, are fatphobic/disrespectful abt my weight (i'm a person!!)

hello everyone!! my name is andy (19, he/him), i'm a transmasc fagdyke who's been on t for over 2 years now. (also, i use ftm tags for reach but i do not identify as such)

i'm a submissive bottom (no exceptions. you will not change this i promise), t4t, and i am single but not looking for anything (aroallo)!! i'm also disabled (pots, fibromyalgia) /mentally ill so if i dissapear for times that's why (i also discuss my physical issues often on here)!!

if you'd like to support me! my cashapp is $stonercow (no pressure!!!! all money goes towards utilities, weed, or sex supplies for posts) and my wishlist is linked here :3 (all buyers will get a lil shoutout and photo wearing what you buy me)

my photo tag is pb.photos if you'd like to see any photos i've posted of myself (including my face :))

asks are encouraged!! i love talking to anons and seeing what perverted thoughts i cause you to have <3

praise me here :333 (my tag i use is below as well)

things i'm into are below the cut :))

my kinks!

intox (specifically weed and sometimes alc)

overstimulation (esp w my tdick)

breeding

being dominated

primal (as prey)

cockwarming

size difference

degredation (light)

praise

guided/mutual masturbation

pet play (i like being a dog and a cat hehehe)

hucow!!!!!

forced masculinzation and feminization (bimbo/himboification too ugh please)

nipple/boob play

freeuse (light)

cnc (light)

dumbification

spanking (light, ass/tdick)

catholic/religion kink stuff

prince/royalty kink

breast/stomach expansion

humiliation

pregnancy (no birth)

corruption

mommy kink

what i'm NOT into (you can still follow, just not for me :))

vomit (i'm emetophobic)

omorashi/pee play

scat

feet stuff

weapon play

detrans/misgendering

use of word rape (with me, if you use it on your blog its all good!!)

anal play

fauxcest/incest in general

using "daddy" as a title

feederism, sloppy food eating, inmobility

unhygenic things

burping/belching

face slapping/hitting

any slapping/physical abuse that isn't on my ass or cunt

passing out in any sense that isn't sleep/weed related

obviously i may be forgetting some but just ask me if you're curious :)

you can call me any petname (i love pretty boy, darling, and pup obviously)! if i'm uncomfy i will say, and you can call my genitals anything too, i'm very open, i prefer "tcock" and "pussy" to name a few.

claimed anon emoji's!

🦷 , 🧱 , 🦴 , 🐺 , 🤟🏻 , 🫀 , 🎸 ,💫 , 🍣 ,

the tags i use most frequently are below!! (including my photo, ask, and textpost tags!!!)

so yeah! shoot me an ask, send me a little tip for being a good cow, tell me how to use my toys, i'm horny and love attention hehe :3

[jben073]

hai! I saw ur post abt Grace headcanons, and I just wanted to ask about her and her connection to Blinky

Hi anon! Here’s an unintentionally kind of long elaboration about my headcanon for Grace being connected to the Lords in Black for much longer than we see in canon! This is like a mix of headcanons as well as overanalyzing things in canon under the context of these hcs!

Also, funny story, I fully misinterpreted this ask the first time that I read it and thought that you were asking for headcanons of Grace’s dynamic with Blinky so I ended up writing a ton of those before I realized that you were talking specifically about a point from my last hc post! With that being said, I’ll also be posting those headcanons after this as a bit of a bonus so that they don’t go to waste!

Quick reiteration of the hc that this is based on and also another point that inspired this:

I like to think that Grace has been connected to the LIB since long before we see her, Steph, and Pete summon them in NPMD. Like Lex was once connected to Webby but forgot as she got older, Grace was friends with the Lords in Black when she was a child but she lost that memory as she grew up.

This point was mostly inspired by Blinky’s line about having been watching Grace and the fact that Grace is implied to have the gift since she had a vision of Max killing Richie.

The other point that inspired this was that in the NPMD talkback, they answered a question that essentially asked if Grace was the anti-christ and if I recall correctly, they never gave a definitive ‘yes’ or ‘no’ so that spiralled into the idea that Grace is essentially the anti-Hannah of the Hatchetfield universe.

Basically, if Hannah is connected to Webby and in the simplest of terms is meant to use her abilities to save Hatchetfield, Grace is connected to the Lords in Black and is meant to destroy it.

Onto connection hcs now!

- The Lords introduced themselves to Grace when she was a very young girl. They told her that they were guardian angels sent by God to protect her which allowed them to gain her trust and more easily persuade her under the guise of holy intentions. They were playing the long con so they couldn’t be antagonistic at this point. First, they had to convince her that they were there to help. 

Tinky made sure she was never late to school, Blinky kept an eye out for her when she was crossing the road, Wiggly helped her stand up to her bullies, Nibbly reminded her not to forget her lunch bag, Pokey made sure she remembered the lyrics for her choir performances at church, etc.

- Through establishing this trust with Grace, they were able to take the opportunity of being around her during her crucial developmental years to instill their values/views on things like violence and death in her. This is why things like lying to the police or selling drugs are bad in her mind while dismembering a body is not! 

This is also how Grace picks up the habit of using the same nick-naming conventions as the Lords in Black do. The LIB very often refer to people as “name-ie/y” like Stephie, Gracie, etc. and similarly, in Bury the Bully, Grace is shown to do the same thing: “Petey, get the acid, Ruthie, you can grab the hatchet, and Stephie, tapes!” This bit of influence remained with her even after she forgot about the LIB.

- As she got older, likely around the age that she was approaching Middle School, the Lord’s methods changed since she was too old for ‘imaginary friends’ now. They slowly stopped talking to her outright and let her forget them so that they could begin strengthening their connection even further. Rather than talking to her as external beings, they essentially merged themselves and their voices in with her subconscious thoughts to the point that Grace isn’t even really aware that these thoughts aren’t truly her own. They’re still with her and arguably closer than ever before but to her, they were nothing more than imaginary friends that, eventually, she’ll forget all together. 

Notably, during this time of perceived distance, Blinky keeps an especially watchful and vigilant eye on Grace, learning the things that matter to her most and waiting for the right time for them to reenter her life officially.

Little analysis/theory thing of mostly canon that I like to use to support this hc :3 (I’m aware this doesn’t work perfectly but it’s fun to me!) 

(someone on this site has definitely said something similar about the Dirty Girl lighting before so I at least know I’m not the only one thinking this way lol)

The lighting in this show is really deliberate a lot of the time and I think that the colours used in Dirty Girl especially are very specific! In that scene, the lighting is pink and purple which I like to interpret as being a sign of Blinky and Nibbly’s influence on Grace. We know from the later line in the summoning that Blinky has been watching Grace and I think that this lighting here says that he is watching her now. (Similarly, when Steph and Pete have the purple lighting during If I Loved You, he is watching them then, which is how the LIB know what Steph cherishes most.)

Then with Nibbly, he’s all about hunger and desire so if his lighting is there, I like to think that his influence is what’s making Grace have this dream. He’s known Grace for her whole life; he knows that having sexual desire is one of the worst things that she can think of doing, so it becomes the perfect tool to make her snap. The LIB need her to be in a state of distress and separation from her faith so that she’s pliable to their will and they know that this will get her there. Nibbly’s influence here is the first step in the second phase of their plan to recruit Grace as their conduit (the first being to meet her when she’s young and input their values in her).

Similarly, the lighting while they act out Grace’s plan at the Waylon Place is all blue, and when you think about how Grace’s idea was largely centered around putting on a performance for Max it’s interesting to consider that Pokey may have been the one to put that idea in Grace’s head. Pokey, knowing that the Waylon Place was structurally unsound, wanted ‘Grace’s’ plan to fail or more accurately, he wanted his plan to go exactly as he intended. The nerds killing Max is just another push for Grace toward being open to their intervention.

Grace also mentions to Steph that she hasn’t been thinking clearly lately after the Beanies scene which I like to think is because the LIB have gotten louder in her head. Again, she’s used to their quiet influencing of her and believes that their voices are truly her own thoughts so when they’ve pushed her this far already, they take her vulnerable state as a chance to get a bit more vocal and demanding. In response, Grace interprets that chaos as just not being able to think clearly because for the first time, it is not her own thoughts that are most prominent in her head.

By the time Grace summons them with Steph and Pete, they’ve already gotten her exactly where they want her. She’s given in to sexual desires and she’s gone against her morals, thus she’s in the perfect place for them to start the final phase of their plan.

First, reveal themselves to her. Attack her connection to her faith and sever her from her moral guide. This way she’ll be desperate for something new to guide her in the absence of what she has always held central to her character. 

(slight interruption bc I didn't know where to put this otherwise vv)

I think it’s interesting in the summoning scene that Grace’s “oh!”s during the beginning of the song sound different from Pete and Steph’s. To me, the sound she’s making as well as her facial expressions (right before the Lords appear, she squeezes her eyes shut tightly and tucks her head against her chest in a grimace-like expression) almost give the impression that she is in pain. In the context of my reading, I think that the LIB taking a physical form and essentially detaching themselves from Grace’s mind was a painful sensation for her.

Second, use her friends and her nature against her to get her to give up her chastity: the final connection that Grace has to her faith and the very thing that gives her a sense of self/identity. They need her to be hopeless and lost if they want her to submit to them.

Grace might be morally corrupt, but she is self-sacrificing and they know that, they’ve seen the Abstinence Camp timeline and watched her throw herself in front of an axe to protect Steph and Pete. The LIB’s deal to get rid of Max was never truly about getting what Grace, Steph, or Pete cherished most; it was about breaking Grace. They always knew that she would be the one to give something up in the end, they just had to make sure it was her chastity and that her friends would be at risk if she wasn’t the one to make the sacrifice. 

In doing this, they can now reenter her life and influence her uninhibited by the previous objections of her faith. They have at their fingertips a sheltered teenage girl, that’s desperate for guidance and full of unchecked rage and potential power who they’ve primed to be moulded into whatever they like as long as they present themselves as all that she has left and they have succeeded in doing that.

Following this would be mostly canon activities with Grace being fully under their influence and on her crusade against dirty dudes! 

(And in my head I’m gonna make it a little sad because this girl gave up the most important thing to her and everyone perceives it as silly because Steph and Pete’s were another person which is way bigger of a deal in comparison, but it still makes me sad that she didn’t get to chose having her first time!! It was something she had to do without getting to decide if she was ready and that hurts my heart. Now she’s just a lost kid who has been constantly having people tell her what to think and how to act and she’s found possibly the worst people to follow because she’s desperate and doesn’t know how to exist if she’s not worshipping someone else. Someone just give her a hug and tell her that she’s allowed to fuck up every once in a while, PLEASE!)

Okay, that’s all for now! This was really long and rambly so I hope that it made sense!! If anything I said needs clarifying/further elaboration feel free to let me know/ask and I can rephrase/add-on! :3

Thank you for the ask anon!!

[hyunin]

hiiii everyone, this blog hit 1k followers the other day 🥹 tysm to anyone that has followed me here over the years! i'm sure at least a third of my followers are dead blogs from my suju (🤮) era in 2013 before i returned to gifmaking tumblr in 2020, but so many of you joined me once i returned and i'm so thankful for everyone that has reblogged my content and chatted with me and followed me up until this point! 🫶 i wanted to write some fun lil messages for my mutuals and pals below the cut, as well as shout out some people i don't necessarily speak to but like having on my dash also 💗 if u aren't mentioned on here and we're mutuals that doesn't mean i dislike u it just means i'm stupid and missed you 😭 before i get into the messages i also want to ask anyone who can to consider commissioning me for a gifset or writing by donating at least €10 to this fundraiser and sending me a screenshot of your donation! more info on that via this post. thank u so much again everyone!!! 🥳 (edit: i don't think half the mentions in this post are working so please check to see if you were mentioned even if you weren't notified!)

@redvelvetcult hi ele 🫶 i know we don't speak as often anymore but i'm always so happy to see u around and i love you <3 thank u for running yangjeongin with me even if it has been in spirit for 99% of its run LKJSDLFKJSJLKFD still wouldn't be the same without u @bataranqs hi kid! this is going to sound so lame but it's been rly fun watching u grow up over the years through awoo9, every time u use our weird ass humor it's so much funnier coming from u. thank u for hyping up everything we all do, especially my writing!! i really appreciate it and u @anyujins iwin...whew....LLKSJDKLFJLSKF i'm rly happy that we're a lot closer now than when we were last time i made one of these posts. i think we are anyway?? i forgor...but either way ilysm, thank u for your support when i've been going insane over the years and it would appear both of the stories of our love lives that we've been following for so long will have a tragic ending. LJKSDFJLKSLK but i hope we can be friends for many more moments of insanity to come and that we have more good news than bad news to share w each other soon. in the meantime it's always rly fun to talk to u and i am glad i have u in my life @miyawaki ver. i appreciate u v much if only bc u are a major provider of quality shitposts on my dash, u also being into kpop and giffing is a bonus. u are also so funny even if u are also MEAN!!!! it's funny most of the time. and u have also supported me a lot in ur own ver way over the years, and i can always count on u to give me feedback on giffing and such. i'm so happy for u that u are going to uni again and i hope u have so much fun but also don't forget about us 🔫 🫶 @seulggi gfx queen minya! u deserve a shoutout if ONLY bc u are carrying the gfx side of kpop tumblr on ur back fr. and i love seeing what u make on my dash. but u are also an awoo9er so i will give u a long AWOOOOOOOOO of appreciation ❣️ @meongppangz RI omg idk what account is best to tag u on so i tag u here. i rmr the last one of these i made i was like 'hope to talk more under better circumstances' and now we talk nearly every day LJSDFLKSDF i love that for us. thank u crazy person gc for bringing us together fr....love that we can bond over loving ggs and also hating collecting pcs and any other random shit of the day skz is doing. and giffing ofc. talking to u always makes me happy so i hope we continue talking and being friends for a long time to come 🫶 ily. also i'm going through my follow list for this in order of oldest blogs first and i just discovered y'all were one of the first skz blogs i followed. how cute @curiosityjams hi drea, we haven't spoken ages but i wanted to shout u out individually as well because i still enjoy seeing u on my dash and i still consider us friends 🫶 fellow eunbi stan...i will never forget waiting for the 2020 election results w you LMAO abt to do it all again soon...but i hope you're well and hope good things continue coming to u 🙇‍♀️ @hyunjinz agnes, backbone of stayblr that u are, i love u!! i know we don't Personally speak much at all i still feel like u are a dear friend of mine. you were one of the first ppl to support my skz content and i think you're that for a lot of people on stayblr and i think that is so sweet of u and also important for the community. u are so brave for going through the tags all the time and reblogging everything i do not have that kind of energy but i'm so glad u do!! i miss ur gifs but i'm happy that you're still around even when you don't gif. we're some of the last remaining pre-kingdom era skz ccs left 😱 so i will always appreciate ur company here <3 @innielove hi vi, i just want to say i love that u are giffing skz again. i've probably missed a lot of ur sets bc i'm bad at checking tags and dash but when i DO see them i'm like omg vi's gifs r really looking better than ever. thank u for returning to us 🫶 u have also actually been on stayblr for a long time so i'm always happy to see some of the oldies (can u believe we are oldies now...) back on the dash 😌

@kazuhas MS KALE it always makes me happy to see u on my dash here. ur gifs are so lovely and so are u!! i know we mainly know each other from off cc tumblr 🫣 but i wanted to give u a shoutout among all of my other tumblr beloveds bc ily. it's what u deserve @seo-changbinnies marie...another fellow stayblr hag at this point...u are still one of the funniest people on this site i swear. and i'm so glad u are still here and making gifs and blessing us w your funny tags. i hope u always stay just as insane, i love u for that <3 @seungs HI MIAAA we don't talk that much anymore but i wanted u to know that i still always love seeing u and your gifs on my dash 🫶 @felixies luna, legend of stayblr that u are 🙇‍♀️ i think ur work largely goes unappreciated by the fandom but u are an icon for keeping createskz running for all these years despite everything going on in ur life. tysm for your service 🫡 @huiracha marie huiracha...this is how i refer to u in my head btw. like 'huiracha' is ur last name. LKJSDFKLSKLD we have barely spoken but i want to give u your own shoutout just for surviving and continuing to gif on stayblr as long as u have. veterans' discount fr @hyunsung hi mona 🫶 we haven't spoken in a while either omg but i am still always excited to see u on my dash when u gif something or reblog something from me i'm like omg that's my friend mona :D SDKJFSJKLDF so thank u and i hope you're doing well 🙏 @hyunpic VILMA HYUNPIC...u know i am so glad we are better pals now. u are so funny and fun to talk to but also the sweetest ever!! thank u for always listening to me and being kind to me and also making me laugh. every time i feel like an rper named their hyunjin character something dumb i am glad i get to report it to u. some things only u will understand and appreciate. LKJSDKLJFSKLJFKLFD @sungtaro eri <3 we don't talk much anymore and maybe we NEVER HAVE??? but i have always felt like u are a dear friend and beloved mutual. i love seeing u on dash even if we don't have too many groups in common anymore. ur content is always lovely and so are u so we will always be pals as far as i am concerned 🫶 @exocean hi mo!! i must admit i don't have much to say but i wanted to mention you individually because you are so sweet and i love seeing u around and u deserve to know it <3 @hyumjim i don't even know what to say (positive) u know i am so glad ur squirmy wormy tag on one of my hyunjin sets brought us together. idr if we have ever properly spoken like via dm but bc u follow me on all my accounts i feel Seen by u....nd u haven't unfollowed me yet so god bless u. i always enjoy seeing ur thoughts and the posts u put on my dash whether they be a funny text post or someone's hot take getting dismantled or something Thought Provoking. my dash is definitely a better place because of u so thank uu 🫶

@wolfchans lau the Actual backbone of stayblr tysm for ur service fr. without u providing files for us i genuinely believe most of stayblr would be lost. not only do u do that but u are also genuinely very kind and make great content so i appreciate u so much!! thank u for making stayblr (and my dash) a better place @hyunebear hi adri i gotta admit i didn't even realize u were back on tumblr until i was going through my following and saw that u posted recently akljsdflkjdsf goes to show how much i'm on my dash...but i wanted to mention you individually even though it's been so long because you have genuinely touched my heart a lot and i will never forget ur compliments 🙏 ok maybe i did forget some of them word for word. but i will never forget how sweet u were to me. how about that. so thank you and i hope to see u around more!! i probably have to be on my dash more for that tho huh... @romanceuntold hi jen 🫶 i miss u on stayblr i'm ngl but i'm also still glad to see u on my dash through all your phases. you are such a warm and kind person and another person who i will never forget being so sweet to me. thank you and i hope you're doing well ❣️ @wearehappiness sidrah <3 the fact that we were both on stayblr but met properly on pc ig first is still so silly to me. me intending to wait on ur mail to get to me then being like 'stayblr perk i'll send ur mail rn' after i found out u were here LKJSDLKFLJKSF but you are suuuuch a sweet person who makes lovely gifs too. i miss ur gifs also!! and just you in general. wishing u the best in life always 💗 @mybodyfails hi oli 🫶 another person who has been soooo sweet to me, i'm so glad i got to help w leeknoween and i still have all the freebies u sent me from it preserved safely in my freebie photocard binder 😌 you are always lovely to talk to whenever we do, and thank u for reading my fic too despite zombies not being ur thing i appreciate u!! @strayklds / @facethesuns em i just think it's so funny that we like didn't speak before i invited u to the gif streaming server and i just did that on a whim bc u passed the vibe check and now i feel like we are good friends. despite still rarely speaking KSLDFLSDLKF but i love that for us and love ur gifs and seeing u around always 💞 @neohyune hi fae <3 i know us speaking is like a very recent development but i also wanted to mention u individually to thank u for your help 🙏 i need to write more of my fic tbh...but i Will be checking our conversation again for Notes. you also seem like a very sweet person so i would love to talk to u more in the future also 💕 @linoyes another very recent friendship (yes i am calling it that already) in my life, but thank u for your generosity, let's meet that fundraising goal together 💪 i hope we're also able to talk more outside of this context too. i just have a feeling i will have a lot more to say about u once i make another one of these!!

i'm ngl i don't know how many of you actually follow me here and i don't have time to check everyone's username individually so i'm just going to list a bunch of blogs i follow who may or may not follow me JKLSDFLKSDF but y'all make my dash a better place, thank u for all u do! 🫶 feel free to talk to me anytime too

@dazzlingkai @theseulgis @joytual @anyujin @cchuu @cherry-heartss @boynextdoors @hyunchans @ambivartence @minzbins @everglowz @chogiwow @ttathinker @minhosblr @minho-knows @yang-innie @leegahyun @bu99erfly

[ottiliere]

hello! ur posts on the vagus nerve and its connections to digestions have encouraged me to do a lil mini dissertation thingy kinda focused on it/around it, ur big thread on PVT and everything really piqued my interest when i read it and i just held onto it for like a year or smthing until like last week when i started the project. Ik u said recently in one of ur posts i believe that ur not going to post the big dirk PVT post and im not here to be like yo post it because i also think u said that ur kinda moving away from like hs/dirky stuff rn ?? (im forgetting if i saw that sorry) but yeah i just wanted to say thank u etc etc, like ive never done an ask before so sorry if this is phrased weirdly but ur blog is just like one of those blogs that fundamentally changed how i view certain things in life for the better lol, like whether its ur beautiful representations / depictions of mental health in like just beautifully painted art (seriously the way u make it look like idk how to word it cartoony/really 2d but then it stands out against the background + if u zoom in and see the tiny pixel details == it makes me mad) or just like the huggeee long form posts that i like to chew on and save cuz theres so many details that AFFAAT like the way you talk abt the topics u portray has made me concious of how i would want to do so in the same way ig u get me. anyway this got really long and idk if i come across coherently, but ur just a random person on the internet whos art and written thoughts that u decide to share makes me happy when i see it == makes me pace around my room and distract me from this fat essay lmao so tldr: i really appreciate what u do + i hope like that ur doing well and that u keep arting and thoughting no matter what it is that u choose to focus on

(uve made me comitted to reading jthm, playing psychonauts and giving jjba w/ dio another go lmao) 🫶🫶

Hello! I’m sorry this reply is coming so late, this ask in particular is very sweet and has stuck out to me.

I’m really happy to have introduced you to PVT, this is something I’ve heard from a few different people on here and it’s very sweet… I did my thesis on it in college and the time really flew by while working on it, things you don't think could possibly attributed to "nerve issues" being nerve issues is always an eye-opener, isn't it? being able to research things that interest you & access information in general really is a privilege in this day and age.

“The topics [I] portray” are very important to me, so it’s heartening when others take interest in spite of the obvious deterrents. A lot of what I love making art about is unpalatable to most, and while I do understand the reasons for that on principle, it can make things feel a little insular. I genuinely believe there’s a lot of value in depicting tableaus of misery.

The last year has brought a lot of very unforeseen changes, and my life is quite different from when I initially made this blog to post about him! That’s also part of why I’ve been so sparse here…though I’m working to change that quite soon. I love sharing my work, and I’ve had the privilege of meeting some truly wonderful people through this website. That said…with where I’m at now, I’m not sure I’ll be posting the Dirk essay anytime soon, I’m afraid.

I’ve undertaken a few ongoing projects, one of which in particular is an original project I plan on sharing publicly here hopefully within the next month or so. I hope it’s something you & anyone else who’s stuck around with me here will enjoy, but failing that, I’ve really enjoyed working on it thus far.

Thank you for the sweet ask, take care, and good luck with your project!

[bahrlee]

feel free to delete, but i happened to see your post abt yuibros and honestly? yeah. it would be one thing if yui had left the group recently and people were bummed out that she was gone, but it's been six years since the left the group and i don't know how people haven't realized in the past six years that it's WEIRD to speculate so hard about her health and if she'll ever come back while ALSO being rude abt momo in the process. i remember around when momo was announced as the new third member, people were going on about how 'disappointed' they were that it wasn't yui. like, even *IF* she does return to the industry, it's not gonna be under bm.

sorry for the paragraph in your ask box! it just blows my mind. i wish people could move on

Yr all good anon!! Ill even ramble EVEN MORE to make you feel better and bc I'm also a serial yapper:

It rlly does blow my mind too, I'm a new fan (literally this year) but the way people talk about Yui is so strange. Like I get that older fans may have an attachment to Yui and all that she brought to Babymetal, and being sad that she ended up leaving, but the speculation about her health and refusal to move on thats been going on this long is just really weird. People treat her and her departure like everything is so mysterious when in reality... she just left and that's OK. I feel like American fans are so used to celebrities personal lives being shoved in our faces that they forget that in other countries, including Japan, people are more private, including their public figures, so not everything is a bing conspiracy.

And I really feel like it can come from a creepy place because the people who hold onto Yui, who's been immortalized as a teenage girl for the time being, hold onto the idea that the "old babymetal" was better (which can be fine for many more harmless reasons), implying they stopped enjoying the band once the members grew up--which no one can control--and thus had to evolve their sound passed what they were doing as literal children. It gets all sorts of weird, considering the age range of the fans tend to be grown men, even back then. And grown men are the main people I see complaining about Yui being gone 🤢 part of me even thinks that that's why they bodyshamed Momo when she joined, because she has the average body of a woman in her early 20s and is slightly taller with a soft jawline and they just can't handle that, the girls being all grown now.

They'll even go as far as to say things like "no yui, no babymetal" which is not only extremely rude to Momo of course, but to Su and Moa as well, because... yui isnt the only member??? Su is the lead singer, the main voice of the group. Moa has said in interviews she can't imagine a life without BM. Imagine how they'd feel hearing someone say that, 6 years into a single members departure!

At least Babymetal is sticking it to them by absolutely killing it this year. People have warmed up to Momo substantially and see her as her own member more than a replacement now and recognize that she earned her spot as a mainstay. Yuis legacy will always be important to the history of Babymetal and we should never forget her, but the future is very bright, and Yuibros are thankfully few and far between nowadays from what I see.

[galatariel]

ur post about eunchae, ure so right i really can't wrap my head around how many grown people on twt are jumping to defend hybe for making a minor twerk on stage. like these people cant even take constructive criticism even when its purpose is to protect a member of their fav group.. what even is there to say... i genuinely also think stan kpop culture has rotted some peoples brains. ten years later when female idols will talk about how traumatic it was for them to wear certain clothes or do certain concepts at such a young age i hope these fans remember they were complicit.

genuinely bc i feel baffled seeing things 'theres something wrong w ur mindset if u think its inappropriate' or how teenage girls can dance but i feel like people who say that forget theres a difference in trying to say teen girls can just dance and have fun and then in the kpop industry with safety shorts visible (i have sm beef w the stylist) in front of grown men hollering and theyre like ohhh shes almost 18, she JUST turned 17

and genuinely the last part too!! like have we not heard stories from 2nd gen idols well into their 30s abt how exploitive things can be :// but the real issue just lies with that the company (companies tbh) does not care

[becauseplot]

thinking abt dsmp x qsmp x botw crossover again. im still working through what exactly i want to do about the Kakariko- and Yiga-equivalent regions/groups in this au. and the Shiekah-equivalent as well, which i suppose would belong to the Kakariko-equivalent.

under the cut: me just walking through some ideas about my au, WEMBM. very rambly. mostly just me posting for safekeeping and to help me work through thoughts and because hitting the post button makes brain release happy chemical. can totally be ignored /gen :thumbsup: writing in tumblr drafts just makes the ideas come easier idk lmao. might private this later just because *shrug*

as of right now, the idea of doing some sort of dsmp-eggpire/qsmp-watchers fusion for the Yiga-equivalent is very tempting. the original au was just eggpire, but now of course im tossing qsmp into the mix. sure, the federation is a decent enough candidate for the role, being an Evil Organization and all, but i feel like the watchers embody that element of suffering, chaos, carnality, and twisted righteousness. while the feds have their dark sides, the overall aesthetic of the federation is too clinical and organized for the cult of armageddon-worshippers. the federation is fairly reserved and mysterious, whereas the watchers (and the Watcher itself) are very blunt and up-front about their goals: make the "sinners" pay. that fits the yiga-role best, in my opinion.

so, eggpire-watcher fusion. i've got a few directions i can go with this. if i remember correctly, the original idea for the Eggpire in this au was that Bad (Kohga-equivalent character; tell me that cBad DOESN'T fit this role perfectly i dare you), as a young member of the dwindling yiga clan post-calamity, once made the journey into hyrule castle to see for himself what remained of the Dark Lord*, and what he saw in the Sanctum was that big old fleshy cocoon- or 'egg'-looking thing where Calamity Dreamon was being held back by Prince Tubbo. Dreamon's consciousness was able to reach out to him, beckon him forward, tell him of the way that he has been wrongfully sealed, that greatness awaits those who embrace the Darkness, that he, Bad, could spearhead the revival of the Dark Lord and join him in his absolute rule over hyrule, if he could keep that blasted Knight from sealing him away for good...

and thus, Bad emerged from hyrule castle with a mission he would dedicate his life to: kill the Knight that wields the sword that seals the darkness so that his Dark Lord may regain his strength and hatch from his 'egg', reborn.

*fhdjsk this was how the yiga referred to ganon in the game right or am i crazy?? it's been so long since i played botw hhhough.

now, watcher elements that can be tossed into the mix? well, they get their name "watchers" because of the way they've scattered themselves across hyrule, watching for any sign or hint that the Knight may have returned. they're great with stealth when needs must, but when it comes to combat, they are ruthless. they fight hard, fight dirty. they seek to kill anyone who may oppose the way of the Dark Lord. im gonna make them a biiiiiit darker than they are in botw bc it's my au and i get to choose the vibe, but i promise i won't sacrifice all of the silly. the balance of goofy/lighthearted/fun and serious/grim/dark is integral to both LoZ games and MCRP series.

im thinking i'll reserve the "sinners" title for any watcher members who defect or show any sort of sympathy for outsiders. fun fact: WEMBM!cellbit is a sinner!! he was abducted by the watchers at age ten and made to forget his childhood through ritual magic and trained to be the perfect soldier for Master Bad and the Dark Lord. he was sharp as a tack and quick with a sword, and once he was old enough, he would have made a perfect addition to Bad's elite rank of watcher footmen.

until he defected. until he became a sinner.

he lives in Quesadilla (Hateno-equivalent) now. he's got a husband who he loves and friends in town that care for him deeply and an estranged twin sister living in Enderian Town that he swaps letters with, on occasion. he keeps his head down, he enjoys his quiet life of freedom, and he's totally not secretly aiding an anti-watchers organization called the Ordo from afar.

(did i make cellbit extremely backstoried in this au? you bet your ass i did. tbf qcellbit is also very backstoried and qcellbit lives rent free in my brain so sorry not sorry lol. also mentor-mentee hg duo makes me RGHRHRGHRGHGRRR.)

anyway, i'm thinking of having the kakariko village equivalent be called Essempi. eret will take impa's role, having been prince tubbo's advisor, one of his guards, and a close friend. who else lives in Essempi is uhh, to be decided. i think i should start making a list of characters who i already know the residence of (eg, Cellbit is in Quesadilla, Eret is in Essempi, Schlatt is on the Plateau...) so i can place other characters in locations.

one major issue im running into is my discomfort with assigning qsmp/dsmp characters---who are largely white/non-Japanese---as "Sheikah." feels like appropriation of some share or form. which means i'm going to have Essempi be just another Hylian town---unless i come up with another humanoid race. hmm, could do something with bad, tina, and mouse's shared demon-ness in qsmp. eret could definitely land in this category as well. (and while im still hesitant to put qforever into any sort of au because of. well. let's not get into that here. but if i put him somewhere, i'd put him in this group.) they probably wouldn't be called Demons, though. i'll think of something. either way, they'd have a connection to the "Sheikah" technology and would be close with the royal family, just like the original Sheikah of botw. (huh. i guess this makes tazercraft sheikah-equivalent. or well ig they don't have to be. my au my rules.)

[eldritch-muppetshow]

[Slides on in] Heya, so I have just discovered ya via TADC and looked at your TADC stuff and was wondering if ya had any other lore bits ya feel like you could share?

sure thing! i actually have two tadc aus/stories rn, so i’ll just post some lore for both

sexyman descendants

all three of them are unfinished npcs created by caine, planned to be used in adventures (maybe as a ‘taking care of a fake baby’ exercise of some kind?), but he scrapped the idea of using them. instead, he placed them into a deep sleep and stored them away in one of the areas of the circus that would be inaccessible to the performers.

the three of them ended up waking up from that sleep too early though, and spent the rest of their time trying to escape from “the storage room” and (believing themselves to be performers) practicing their performances.

they eventually escaped storage, and briefly lived with the rest of the performers. it wasn’t a great arrangement, though— because jax and poppi had no idea how to raise the kids that were basically just dropped in their laps, and abel was too similar to caine, seeing him as competition for the role of ringmaster.

abel eventually led poppi and jj out on an “adventure” of their own, seeking to prove to cain that they deserve to be ringmaster more than he does— only for their unfinished programming to cause them to noclip out of the circus and into tumblr high.

they now basically live at school, trying wacky schemes to return to the digital world and doing their best to adjust to their new environment.

jj is regularly on the receiving end of slapstick, especially within abel’s performances. he always bounces back right after, but he quickly learned to hate the life of a performer and is enjoying/adjusting to the real world far more than the other two.

poppi has basically zero concept of personal space, and will physically cling to people if she’s excited/scared/upset— which does not mesh well with pomni.

abel takes school talent shows very seriously, seeing them as their chance to prove themself/their troupe as performers. it’s gotten to the point where poppi and jj actively hide when tryouts for talent shows start.

untitled pomni escapes au

i’m thinking this au takes place in the 90s, since that would match up with the model of computer monitor shown in the pilot (and tadc is based on 90s kid’s games).

i haven’t fully decided how she manages to escape tbh? i’m leaning toward the idea of it being a lucky accident/pure chance though, since it adds more dramatic tension when it comes to the question of “should she try and go back for the others”

the other performers/npcs are still in the circus! from their perspective, pomni didn’t show up for an adventure one day, leading to caine making “find pomni” the new adventure for the day… but when none of the performers could find her and caine (secretly) checked the void/the areas inaccessible to the performers and still didn’t find her, that’s when everyone freaked out

caine’s pretty upset over pomni’s disappearance, not only because he’s worried she got hurt/lost outside of the circus, but also because he genuinely doesn’t understand why she’d want to leave. the other performer’s reactions range from worrying abt her to just being angry that she didn’t take anyone with her and seemingly isn’t coming back for them.

on pomni’s side of things, she’s just trying to adjust to life outside the circus the best she can. it’s a pretty difficult task though, and she regularly struggles with the trauma/feelings of survivor’s guilt from her time in the circus.

she’s very conflicted on if she should try and go back to save the other performers. because yeah, it’s the morally right thing to do and they don’t deserve to be trapped there, but she’d really rather forget about the circus forever and there’s no guarantee that she’d be able to recreate the circumstances that let her escape for all of them (plus there’s always the risk that she’ll just get stuck there again).

aside from job-hunting, she’s been keeping tabs in news about the c&a company to try and find her human identity— specifically after finding news about a string of employee disappearances. she hasn’t been able to find much yet because of the legal red tape surrounding the case, though.

[camo1000le]

Give us your Oweddy thoughts!!! I love your art of them so much I want to hear your thoughts <3

Awww tysm 🥺💞 I love drawing them, to the point I'm geniunely worried

I have a lot of specific hcs about them (mostly because I'm slowly stealing them to turn them into OCs for... something) so here's a little rundown in their story! (Let's hope it's actually little!!)

AKA long post weird AU you released a beast (me infodumping)

When they're tiny:

They met when they're 12 at their new school: Owynn moved because of bullying (the kids used to make fun of him bc he was tall/redhead/has heterocromia and even cut his hair, that's why he has it very short now) and Freddy moved to a whole new country (from Spain to wherever fhs happens). Freddy is Mexican while Owynn's dad is swedish (he was not born there)

They find eachother to be very weird but share many tastes and life events, like the bullying and missing a parent (Owynn is more direct and likes to insult his mom while Freddy doesn't talk abt it- Ow didn't even knew he had an adoptive dad).

They form a music duo for the spring event, since they were such good friends maybe they could work together well! Also Freddy acts kinda weird and sometimes forgets they have rehearsals after-hours but it doesn't matter bc he says sorry and he's cute!!

There's a whole drama with Owynn's parents in the middle of that but i wont bore you with that (unless you want me to)

Anyways the event happens Owynn can't come in time so Freddy goes alone and he wins but ow feels betrayed and blah blah blah they're enemies now and he hates Freddy (a 12 years old kid with a lot of mental troubles for that age)

Bc yes Fred is there but Owynn ofc didn't know, even if he actually talked very often with him too. In fact is kinda his fault Fred makes fun of Freddy so much (He's mad he lost his only best friend 🥺)

(Guess who remembers the rehearsals and the songs and owen cursing his mom)

Middle part where we watch Owynn go insane:

Literally. They kinda hate everyone but their dad now.

Moved school again, classmate with Abby and company actually! (Tho y'know abby she's... insane) so they don't talk. Also the Nightmares used to live closer to that school so they bullied him there until Owynn broke all of Onnie's teeth.

They meet Ttrap too: he's older in my AU (while ow is 15 he would be 17), he tries to get Owynn to therapy bc it's really fucking weird/sad he only talks abt Freddy or abt how much they dislike themself so. Yeah. He succeds and Owynn gets... to move schools again, yay!!

Ow starts developing schizoprenia, doesn't get the diagnosis until very later. (Prodomal stage/negative symptoms rn)

Also kinda starts discovering himself (being gay/nonbinary, doesn't really ditch the he/him pronouns until much later). Also dyes their hair purple

I don't have recent drawings of cringy sad 15y/o owen

What would equal the 1st season of the series:

Freddy moves to the HS and says his funny discourse (qué? Que quién soy yo? 🤓) Who would've though a certain kid that hates him was there to see it and died right there.

After realizing they share classroom Owynn pressures Ttrap into changing them to another one, hides his freckles/dyes his hair a darker color/uses normal glasses to not be recognized. Explaining his absence from the 1st season /j

So we have time to look at Freddy. He's struggling, Fred is being annoying; they explode at the camp where Freddy bumps into Owen who tells him to fuck off and never talk to them bc they hate him and Freddy says: "who are you?" to them. :D

Fred facepalms and takes control of the body.

Owynn develops his plan to destroy Freddy's band or whatever. Also dyes his hair again.

2nd season!!

And Owynn is in full delusional mode. The whole 'boss' thing is Eak and Ttrap going along with them so they can decompress lol

He does his little introduction and dumb plans to sabotage that obviously don't work at the end but they're actually very good bc he... actually does know what he's doing (making usagi & loon have trouble/separate golden from the group/the whole Toys thing)

But eventually it doesn't matter/the spring event thing happens ; Owynn gets hit by a car and breaks their arm

The secret 3rd season // last school year

Owynn goes back to lay low, gets his schizophrenia diagnosis so therapy+meds!! Good for them!

Freddy gets the therapy+meds combo too! Fred is chilling now :]

So Freddy now attempts to talk to Owynn but they run away from him to not cause him trouble anymore. And that goes for a while until they talk it out: They'll get time to talk alone, but Freddy also wants them to meet the rest of his band so they can get friends, Owynn accepts; but isn't a fan lf the idea.

Eventually they fall in love again (fall? Ow never stopped liking him honestly) and they date. But it takes a very long time to get there but they're so very lovely <3

ALSO yes Fred and Owynn also fix their relationship, they're besties again <3

[brick-a-doodle-do]

I wish to know more about the new au/oneshot

-Small brain anon

OKAY ! (i assume u mean the harry & the hendersons one)

i honestly didn't rlly have the idea until that one scene where harry gives sarah (the sister) flowers to make peace with her, n then i mentally pointed and went TWINSDUO :D

and tommy EASILY fits ernie LMAO so that was easy, n the other characters fell into place pretty easily. still tied between who lafleur will be. i THINK quackity...just cause of that one scene where they make up at the end LMFAO im a sucker for preyduo &lt;;33 (i swear they had a different duo name but oh well)

(also before i forget this'll probably be an ao3 post cause a. length and b. not rlly g/t)

techno ofc wouldn't be bigfoot but i'm thinkin like maybe "the nether" is an old myth of an ancient dimension? and ofc piglins would be like the ancient creature to go with it, ergo TECHNOBLADE >:]

idk where to set it tho, cause the hendersons are camping when they find harry but im thinking somewhere else? maybe not idk ,,,

i also wanna include tubbo at some point cause a. fireworkduo and b. i want him to be that one token kid/"nerd" in most movies that knows everything about the problem their facing but they rarely listen to them but in a last ditch effort when the things said token kid are coming true they ask for assistance. and tubbo being tubbo is stubborn or smth. idk.

also i want techno to be more like mentally capable than harry was, i mean not fully human ofc but like. he knows some things. bonus if he plays tricks on sbi or smth >:D

and i also had an image of sbi's house being by a river which can mean mud sometimes, meaning tommy, before really knowing what a piglin was and thinking he was like. a hybrid with a human and a pig, takes a bucket of mud and splashes it on techno LMFAO

(they spend the rest of the evening with techno chasing him. techno wins btw)

and uhh idk i'll just follow the movie pretty much,,,, ALSO random but i want irene to be dream 😊 it fits a lot of fics i've read with sbi LMFAO also i can totally see dream just having an electric knife with him PFFF (but i'm not gonna have irene's character match dream totally, i want rivalsduo bonding <3,,,, maybe i'll throw in another irene-esque character, uHH like fundy :D)

also i want like techno to go more animalistic if he sees gold. just. he goes rabid for it LMFAO (i want to make it so wilbur has like. a lot of gold. maybe a necklace or a golden guitar pick,,,,, BONUS: leading onto that tommy's hair in the sun or wilbur's jumper in the sun >:D)

techno'll probably be like a foot or two taller than hath!bigfoot just cause. g/t. >:]

(size chart bc i love doing them <3)

(techno: 10 ft/304 cm, wilbur 6'4/195 cm, tommy: 4'9/149 cm, phil: 5'9/180 cm, kristen: 5'6/170 cm, tubbo: 4'5/137 cm

ALSO one last thing abt ages,,,,, tommy'll probably be liiiike 10 or 11 (same for tubbo) wilbur 17 or 18 and i won't bother with phil or kristen. typical parent age GNFSD

OKAY um. thoughts? 👀

[pragmatic-optimist]

Hi Sonia, I know you're on a break rn but I just wanted to stop by and let you know you're wonderful. You are one of the only people in the tarlos fandom who had been consistently nice to a tiny blog like me. (Even tho we don't really talk lol) I'm usually quite afraid to post my writing (bc there is so much talent in this fandom, I tend to get lost in it and then get discouraged with the lack of engagement) but you make me feel good and a little more confident when I read your tags on my posts from ages ago. Makes me think abt posting my writing again.

Anyway sorry to ramble I just wanted to say thank you for being so sweet to someone like me. It means the world and I just wanted you to know :) I hope you have a wonderful day :)

Hi Brooke (@maybe-theres-hope), I hope you're doing well! Thank you for your kind words; they really mean a lot. 💕

Tiny blog? Pish posh! I know fandom generally operates on this implicit hierarchy where certain blogs are considered "big blogs," but I personally don't see it that way. We are all here shouting about the same show and loving the same characters, making us peers in this community. The LS fandom has an abundance of talent when it comes to content creation (gif sets, stories, artwork, video edits) and that pile of riches includes you and your work. I'm grateful we share this fandom space and that you chose to bless us with your writing.

Just in case some folks haven't had the joy of discovering your stories yet, I want to take this opportunity to share three of my favorites:

Something To Do-- appropriate since we are entering fiancé era this season lol. Loved this plot executed in the 5+1 format.

You Like My Costume?-- a different avenue to give us Firefighter!Carlos lol, and it was so. much. fun.

Of Will and Wildflowers--- when you mentioned my tags on previous posts, I knew you meant this fic because it is (imo) one of the best AUs in this fandom and I recall having zero chill every time you posted 😂. I mean??? Tarlos + Bridgerton-inspired universe? Exceptional, and as I sit here reflecting on it, all I can think about is how the yearning in this fic was top-tier. It is underrated, and I take that personally, tbh. If you were to consider a follow-up, I would be first in line to read it!

If you feel inspired this upcoming season (no pressure), I hope you resume sharing stories with us again so I can continue adding to my list of favs! (True Blood AU when 👀?? Yes, I still think about this one. I did not forget!)

Thanks again for your note, and happy LS Season 4 Premiere Day! 😊

[nostalgia-tblr]

(okay so I apparently can’t send asks from my sideblog but I saw your asks post!)

13, 30, 60, 66

You get to choose the fic for the 60 and 66 ones because I bet you have something you’d like to say abt those particular ones <3

13. Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

Yes! I have a playlist of Songs That Evoke The Right Sort Of Feels For Fic-Writing that I change up from time to time and some of them are there for inspiring one specific story and some are more generic. Recent adds to that have been from ongoing attempts to listen to some slightly-more-modern music by buying secondhand CDs of artists who were born in this century. I am weird about telling people what music I like, I always feel I will be judged, even more than I normally assume that, not sure why that is.

30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

I don't think I *do* edit, really? At least, there's no stage of going over things and rewriting beyond just fixing typos. By the end I'm usually like "well I spent AGES on this I am not changing any of it now, I don't want to have wasted those minutes thinking of each sentence." It's written, it's done, I'm not willing to change it now that it's in a form I like! Maybe that means I edit as I go? Does it?

60. In [insert fic], what inspired the idea for the plot?

I am gonna go with Forget-Me-Not, picked for being recent enough that I can remember why I wrote it. It was one of them "fandom-inspired" works because MCU fandom (what I know of it) seems to see Frigga entirely through the lens of how nurturing and comforting she is (or isn't, but usually is) to Loki and this is obviously quite reductive especially when there's only two women on Asgard who have names. And she gets used as the Perfect Loving Mother in contrast to Odin The Worst Parent Ever and like many fannish dichotemies this is both understandable and a bit reductive. So I decided I should write something where she is not the Best Parent Ever, but where she can justify everything she does as Good Parenting and so it's fucked up but the reader can see how she ended up there.

BTW when I say "spite" was my motivation for a fic this is usually what I mean - that something in fandom has annoyed me to the point where I want to write the opposite thing just to make a point. (Even a stupid and/or petty point is still a point!)

And also because I have read enough Historical Shite to know that everyone - everyone!!! - knows when a queen is pregnant. And yet I am seemingly expected to believe that Odin came home carrying a baby and Frigga wasn't pregnant and yet somehow Loki being adopted is not common knowledge? I had to plug that plothole for my own mental wellbeing! Frigga having mindwiped everyone including her own children kills two birds with one fucked-up stone!

66. What’s a fun fact about [insert fic]?

The bit with Donna and the chameleon arch in Continuity Errors (or, Five Things The TARDIS Half-Remembers) is something I'd been trying to turn into a fic since literally 2005, ie 'The Companion Becomes A Time Lord' Is Not Necessarily An Unreservedly Good Thing. I don't know how long I'd been trying to turn 'continuity errors' into an in-universe bit of jargon but that was Bloody Ages as well, I'm sure of it.

[eternangl]

time for the 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ! 🪽 —

𖤐 first things first , as soon as my masterlist is made (im lazy rn sorry) it’ll be added to the bottom of this post. i think all my rules are pretty clear and should be common sense but please read through all of them before requesting or interacting with my page ! dont skip or skim.

໑ don’t copy my work. i’m not even that secure in my own work yet , so for someone to copy it would be rly annoying for me & embarrassing for them. also don’t translate , change , edit , or upload my work anywhere else. tumblr is the only platform i write on.

𖤐 dni (do not interact) if — you’re racist (im black & very proud + my y/n’s are usually also black coded) , under 18 (sorry not sorry but i write and interact with nsfw content, so it’s just awkward & inappropriate) , homophobic , fatphobic , sexist (any of the ists/isms/phobics tbh) , or simply a dickhead (ex : sending hate , starting drama — im not here for any negativity).

໑ i’ve been a reader for a long time & i’ve seen a lot of writers get bombarded with anonymous hate , so if you’re one of those you will be blocked. if ur gonna hate at least don’t be scary abt it :p

𖤐 i ask for feedback a lot , but that isn’t an invitation to harshly criticize me or my work. only constructive criticism (when asked) is allowed pls & thank you !

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 ..

໑ i’ve been wanting to write ever since i was 15 , and even though the type of writing i do on here is more of a hobby — i do take it srsly but i still wanna have fun ! + sorry in advance but i am a procrastinator/kind of a slow writer ..

𖤐 likes are appreciated , but (i learned recently) reblogs are better ! if u enjoy my work be sure to do both :p

໑ i never block anyone for no reason. if u find urself blocked & wanna know why or u can’t reach me , contact me here ! (my main @/anglism messages are for mutuals only! u are still free to send asks ofc)

info/rules for 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐒 ! 🪽 —

𖤐 like i mentioned before , i am a slow writer. i can go for days at a time not writing (im trying to fix that) so keep that in mind when requesting. also , i may not write/create the thing you’re asking for. depending on a lot of things — if it interests me , if i don’t have time for it , etc. so please dont spam the same ask over and over again , or get upset with me. i am a human not a machine.

໑ i do/will age up characters , but only based on their canon birthdays. (ex : yuji was born in 2003 , so in a modern/future jjk au i would age him up.)

𖤐 my “y/n” (or reader) will usually be black coded & short , sometimes chubby as well bc that is what i most relate to ! i can try and keep it vague but im definitely (mostly) catering to my black girlies !

໑ what i will not write. —

amab/male reader , incest , necrophilia , r@pe , drugging , character x character , pegging , rim jobs , age regr. , ddlg , feet kinks , non-consenual recording , g@ng bangs , lactation/breast feeding , scat/piss kink , domestic abuse , pet play , mpreg , bestiality , eating disorders (an eating disorder page followed me a while ago & i dont fw that shit very specifically), master/slave , heavy bleeding/gore , suic*de.

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐄𝐘/𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐗 — aka my tags !

★ ˙.໑ . — 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦!

general tag for my main , every post (unless i forget) will have this.

★ ˙.໑ .🪽 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — 📌 pinned!

you should only see this once, on my main pinned.

★ ˙.໑ .🪽 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — 💌 fyp!

a reblog from my fyp specifically.

★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { character name }

general tag for the specific character. (not always a written work, ex : my character boards.)

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★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { 💌 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋—mail }

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🕯️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈 !

navigation for both my main & sideblog.

⌨️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒 !

specifically for my updates/rambles that mention something my followers should know/be updated on.

🖋️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒 !

specifically for a post that is a fic , oneshot , drabble , thirst. aka written by me !

🎐 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 !

me talking .. :0

📸 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐒

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💌 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒

general tag for anything i reblog.

🐈‍⬛ — 𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥 ∞

general tag for my sideblog.

— tags are subject to change/new additions.

thats it for now , but im sure as (if) my page grows things will be changed + added ! ⇒ masterlist. (link will be added when its complete.)

©eternangl under anglism. — GO BACK IF YOU DID NOT FULLY READ MY RULES. PLEASE & TY !