#posting this after seeing some dumb shit on twitter but what fucking else is new there

[sketch-shepherd]

Another typical RWBY hatedom rant but I need to get this shit off my chest

The amount of critics saying “lol Viz media should just reboot RWBY without finishing the current story” don’t say that because they want to see RWBY improve. They just want the current version to die.

[jennilah]

i woke up and chose violence today

rant below!! an actual soapbox rant about some shit that annoys tf out of me

but still under a cut and unrebloggable bc im still a coward just an annoyed coward

"_ fandom is dead"

"the tumblr/twitter fandom is dead"

"any variation of a fandom being dead"

Im about to be under your bed

Is it really dead?

well considering im still following some moots of over 10+ years that still regularly reblog new art and fics for fandoms Ive seen called "dead" many times in the past, fandoms that havent had new content in years, it's probably not

also, the older the fandom, consider how much more ridiculous your claim is. if the media is from fucking 20 years ago and still getting art and fic in any capacity, I dont wanna hear shit about shit being "dead" because there was a slow month of content on tumblr.com

What is really happening?

well if its for an ongoing fandom and there's a noticeable slow period, ask yourself... are we in-between episodes? in-between movies? in-between games? the fandom is not dead, sheesh. everything naturally slows down a while after canon content stops being made. doesn't mean it's dead.

what is happening is that artists and fic writers and other fandom enjoyers that are still out here making plenty of "content" for you (to absorb in 2 seconds and then demand more like they're machines, btw) see your dumb little comment and look around like ???

like ok what am I, chopped liver? I'm still out here making plenty of content, am i dead to you?

what are you doing to keep the active community alive and motivated? are you actually liking and sharing their art? reading their fics and leaving nice comments?

orrrrrrrr do you only care when its your favorite artists making content?

its like. very obvious when its the biggest artists who arent making art anymore cause they moved to a new fandom or whatever and suddenly here come the "the fandom is dead" posts

i know from experience that it just makes everyone else feel like they dont "count." theyre just the backup "favorite" artists when the real "favorite" artists are away, because you don't have a choice anymore.

it feels so god damn disrespectful and dismissive. like thank god i will draw whatever tf i want whether it gets 1 like or 3000 but whenever i see that kind of comment I cant help but go "well the fandom is dead apparently so I guess I'll just throw my ideas and wips away huh???"

and most people are kind. i dont think those big artists would be very happy to hear you're dismissing an entire fandom's worth of creativity just because they havent drawn for it in a while

i keep saying artist but this goes for anyone who contributes to fandom in any way. even just posting headcanons and stuff is participation. and those fics need people to read them, after all.

ive yet to see any fandom actually die. but you will kill your creators' motivation if you keep saying its dead

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.

Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ･◡･) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.

so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve” energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that

good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler

bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one

good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao

bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god

(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person’s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.

but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)

anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today

huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on

look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months

anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol

yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all

still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol

(ETA: also can’t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)

anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol

aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting

buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy

wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on

damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo

I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol

uh oh but wait

um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do

holy shit

so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol

and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young

anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this

LMAO

someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol

(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)

anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about

oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man

now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse

OH MY GOD

YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO

lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art

anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces

lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off

he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today

on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose

YESSSSSSS

OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on

YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU

lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking

but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it

also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad

YESSSSSSSSSSS

DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH

p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f

UCK

NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE

fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god

WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW

can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck

-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT

bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now

my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them

how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what

(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)

Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment

on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao

anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that

and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob

[burnedbyshoto]

i think i’ve figured out a reason why anime culture exhausts me.

i’ve always tried my best to curate what I see on my dash both here and on twitter. it’s much easier on tumblr, I believe, for me to block things out because on tumblr... there are just such high numbers of shippers and self shippers that I don’t have to deal with what actually exhausts me.

ship wars are dumb, and are for the most part irksome and tiring, but I feel like ship wars to me is like a family fight. it’s you and a sister or a cousin fighting over whether you should get sushi or mexican food. of course they’re two different types of foods. there’s nothing really lining them together, but at the end of the day you move on and forget because thats family. ships wars are irritating because we don’t have a way, but at least we have the common ground of loving the same series.

what exhausts me, grinds my nerves into ash, and makes me irrationally angry is when people pit series against series. I don’t see it here on tumblr, namely because I simply do not scroll on here anymore. but I know the people I follow, I know what they like, and more important what they care about and only see what they post or reblog. to the self insert part of tumblr it doesn’t matter what series is better, or what series is their favorite, they just want to fuck whoever they find arbitrarily attractive — physically or characteristically. I can deal with that. I can deal with seeing shit from fandoms that I have no part of. I don’t care to read hq, i’m putting off watching jjk until the entire first season is finished because I just want to binge it (i am very far into the manga tho), i’ve read and finished chainsaw man and loved it, i thought kny was such a simple but fascinating story, hxh sort of bored me, aot is not a series that I particularly find written or scripted in a way where I thirst after characters. i’ve read and am reading dozens more small name manga because manga, big or small, are all riveting and rich even if they’re not common names & I think it’s great to discover new mangaka!

but on twitter where it’s really, really difficult for me to curate my likes still simply because as soon as things pass 10.0k likes, it seems to show up on your timeline, and I lose my mind. what the fuck is up with people pitting series against series. using things as illogical as numbers and series to broadcast as to why things are more better. I am constantly annoyed by bitches who scream bnha is far less superior than aot and jjk across my timeline as if I care what some ugly ass white boy from minnesota thinks & continue to say with their full chest that midoriya izuku is a whining crybaby as if he’s ever truly been that. why is liking a particular anime make you superior? it’s called having an opinion & just because I don’t agree with you when I say bnha is the best manga i’ve ever read doesn’t mean I should be getting attacked. I know bnha isn’t perfect, there are obvious gleaming issues in horikoshis writings — and they’re apparent in every other mangaka’s writing too.

perfection doesn’t exist or else there would be no problems in the world, no? so it just makes me see red when people who are no longer caught up with bnha and have chose to stop watching and reading it past season 1 episode 3 (chapters 1-3 in the manga) acting like another series is better because of shit that legit has no effect on the actual quality of the storytelling.

it is my opinion to say that bnha is the best manga. it is my opinion to say that horikoshi has the best art style in the entire shonen jump magazine. it is my opinion to say that hori has amazing static scenes but lacks in movement fluidity still. it is my opinion to say that hori has created some of the most human characters in his works with his most controversial characters (ie bakugou & endeavor). it is my opinion to say hori can definitely choose to develop his female characters better but is clearly more interested in his male ones and that’s just something i’ve now accepted. I am okay with other people agreeing and disagreeing with any of that because this is the type of shit where differing opinions is okay. but it grinds disgustingly on my nerves when people who are in no way, shape or form a fan of bnha shit on it because why are you even here? get out.

I didn’t allow myself to like anime and manga until a few years ago, but holy shit, if this is how yall acted when we were in middle school and high school, no wonder why people were bullied. some of y’all are fucking nasty for no damn reason. let people be fucking happy with whatever the fuck they enjoy and go fucking be obsessed with what you like and not what others like tf is wrong with you????

[harryhighkey]

reassurance

hi! it’s been a really long time since i posted a one shot! i don’t really have a good excuse besides that life has just been really busy. but i genuinely do miss writing these. here’s just a little something to get me back into it 

______________________

It was late, and normally by this time you would be in bed with Harry and finding yourselves somewhere in between either a deep coversation, making love, laughing at silly things or even seeing a viral parkour video and asking him if he thought you could do it to which he would say,

“Baby, you can’t even walk up the hallway without tripping over.”

But currently, you were kind of avoiding going up to your bedroom. Harry had been off for the later part of the night. You couldn’t figure out why either and it was putting you in a weird mood, also. Usually you were so tuned in with him that you would notice even the slightest shift in his demeanour, as he would with you too.

However, whatever mindset he was in tonight really seemed to appear out of no where. You couldn’t pick where it came from at all. There was no argument, no significance with what day it was, nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Hell, you hadn’t even been secretly binging TV shows you were meant to watch together behind his back just because you couldn’t wait after he got upset about it last time. You couldn’t even really tell if Harry’s mood was more mad, sad or anything else in between and you were dwelling over it. You couldn’t find any kind of clue and your brain was caught in a whirl of over thinking.

You sighed as your phone died, you’d been killing time by scrolling through Tiktok. It was the only thing that was keeping your brain distracted. This time, you had to finally make your way to your room where you knew Harry was. You couldn’t help but become a little anxious with each step. You were a big believer in being honest with feelings - and thought everyone else should be too - so when you couldn’t pick what was going on because something wasn’t being said, you felt so out of your element. 

You couldn’t help but to think you shouldn’t have to be feeling like this, it had been such a good afternoon and night. Your best friend had come over spontaneously, but that was nothing new. She did that about once a week, and her and Harry got on well. At first the three of you were hanging out, you’d had an early dinner and then Harry left you two, to allow you to have friend time. He was good like that, he knew how important friendship was to you. But that was never something that bothered him before.

You’d noticed his mood change when you went to ask him if he wanted a tea when you were making some for you and (Y/F/N). And the way he answered you was so strange, immediately you noticed and asked if he was okay and once again, his reply was not like his usual self. If you didn’t have a friend over you probably would have questioned him further, but you figured it could wait until it was just the two of you.

Which happened to be right now. And fuck, you wished it had been sorted out earlier so you weren’t overthinking how this was going to go.

You cracked open the bedroom door and stuck your head in, as if you were a guest in someone else's home and trying to find the right room. However, this was more your apartment, Harry had been living here ever since he got back from tour a couple of months ago, though.

He looked up and saw you peering in, “What are you doing?” He initiated the conversation, but it wasn’t said with any humour, you picked up on that. Things were still not completely okay.

You took the opportunity to come into the room fully, taking the few steps it took to reach your bed in your not so big bedroom. “Phone died.” You answered him while sitting on the side of the bed and reaching for your charger.

“That’s the only reason you came up?”

Shit, things were touchy with him then.

“What? No.” You answered him instantly, twisting to face him and bending one of your legs up on the bed. “I just got caught in a Tiktok scroll after (Y/F/N) left.”

“Told ya’ not to go on that before bed.” His tone was lighter and you smiled, unconsciously shifting more onto the bed and closer to him. He smelt so good, and his hair was damp. He’d showered already. “Keeps you up for hours. Good thing it died.”

“It’s not my fault I find the dumbest shit funny.”

“That definitely is your fault, that’s your sense of humour!” Harry laughed then, too.

“Oh my god, like yours is any better.” Harry was definitely no where near into social media as you were, but he would always come see what had you laughing at your screen. And sometimes he’d find himself laughing too, but it mostly made him smile to see you laughing. “I didn’t even get to do a twitter scroll yet.”

He frowned at that and looked away. The weird mood was back as quick as that brief moment of normal had appeared. Why? You hadn’t said anything to upset him, he knew you also enjoyed scrolling through twitter to see silly things to laugh at there, too.

“Hey,” He looked back at you as you got his attention. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He was being stubborn and you really had to fight against an eye roll. You hated when he was like this, it wasn’t all the time but enough to frustrate you when he wouldn’t be forthright with his feelings.

“Harry.”

“(Y/N).”

“Please tell me what’s going on. We had such a good night, I’m really not understanding this right now.” You were always very forthright with your feelings, sometimes that contrast between you two worked wonders and other times, it was challenging. Tonight seemed to be the latter.

He let out a deep breath and had a very deep in thought look on his face as he stared at his own feet stretched out to the end of the bed. God, even there propped up against the headboard he looked perfect. If your phone wasn’t dead, you would have picked it up and taken a photo. 

“Why are you smiling?” He caught you staring with that fond look upon your face.

“You just look really good right now.”

“You sure about that?”

What? 

“What?” The word appeared loud in your head and also exited your lips in surprise. That was not the typical reaction you received from Harry after complimenting him. You couldn’t help but to begin to think that whatever he was feeling off about was something not so major, in fact, something petty or he wouldn’t be acting so immaturely otherwise. “Tell me what’s going on, you’re being silly right now.”

Stubbornly he looked away.

“Harry, c’mon. You know this is gonna’ get to me if you don’t tell me.”

“Something you said got to me.”

“What did I say?” Your reply was a little defensive, you didn’t want it to be but you couldn’t help it. You knew something was off with him, but you didn’t expect it to be specifically something you done or said to him, because you truly thought tonight had been such a good and chilled out night.

“When you were talking about Zac Efron.” He finally admitted what was stirring in him and the conversation with your friend from earlier played in your mind.

-

“Dude, what?!” You displayed genuine surprise at what your friend had just told you. “There’s no fucking way, you’re lying.” After reminiscing over a funny memory that had happened when you and your friends had gone to see High School Musical Three at the cinemas, you’d been informed by your friend that Zac Efron was in a relationship with a girl he’d met at a cafe while she was waitressing.

“I’m not! Check twitter, it’s all over it.” She prompted you.

You picked up your phone then. “Oh my fucking god.” You exclaimed after typing Zac Efron into your twitter search bar. “This is like... real fanfiction shit.”

“I know!”

“She is living the literal dream, imagine dating the actual Troy Bolton. Her life couldn’t get better.”

“Personally, I’m more into a 17 again Zac Efron.”

“Or how truly beautiful he looked in Charlie St. Cloud. What a man.”

-

It was such a silly conversation with your friend, one that in all honestly, really had no significance. You, like many other people, were a big fan of the High School Musical movies and - once again - like many other people had a celebrity crush on Zac Efron at the time.

“Harry, you can’t be serious right now.” You couldn’t help but to let out a laugh, all of this fretting you had been doing over something so minor.

“Don’t laugh.”

“I’m sorry, but you have to know this is really dumb.”

“Didn’t you hear how you talked about him? Saying how his girlfriend has got the best life and shit like that.”

“Oh my god, you do not need to be this jealous right now.”

“It wasn’t very nice to hear, (Y/N).” You didn’t even realise Harry had heard you two talk about this, he must have gone to the bathroom or something and overheard as he walked past you two on the couch. But after his latest response you started to realise that all he heard was you two talking about Zac Efron, his current reaction probably meant he had missed when you talked about your own life with Harry.

“Did you stay around to listen to what I said after that?”

“No, I had enough.”

“Oh, baby, you really missed out on the good part.”

“What did you say?”

“I don’t know if I should tell you.” You know you shouldn’t be teasing him right now, but you really couldn’t help but to make fun of him. It wasn’t often that Harry got caught up in something more on the pettier side and you weren’t one to shy away from teasing in the first place.

“Don’t.” Along with his one worded reply, he scooted his body down to lay flat on the bed before rolling onto his side and groaning into the pillow. He knew this was one of the more trivial things he had gotten annoyed at you with, but he couldn’t help but to allow his jealousy to seek through. Not when it came to his dream girl.

Mirroring his movements, you too manoeuvred to be laying down on your side and once you were comfortable, you brought a hand up to run it through his hair. “Well, if you had stuck around to hear the rest of that conversation you would’ve heard me say,” He turned his head to face you then, genuine curiosity painted on his features and it truly took your breath away how beautiful he was this close up. “that I was living in the best fanfiction of all.” He started to smile then, he could notice the blush beginning to appear in your cheeks. You typically weren’t one for a sappy moment, so when you were this way he loved every second of it.

“Tell me more.”

“Well, I said to (Y/F/N), it’s kind of weird because Zac Efron is this celebrity crush, you know? Like a, never gonna happen but woah, that man-”

“I meant tell me more about me, not him.” He cut you off and there was a little anger in his voice, but it was at least mixed with a little humour this time.

“I’m getting there.” You laughed at him again. “Anyway, but, so were you once upon a time for me.”

“Hm?”

“Harry, you know this already, don’t make me say it.” Now you rolled over, except onto your back to look at the ceiling.

“If you want to make it up to me, I gotta hear it.” He wasn’t being serious, you knew he had already moved past the jealousy from before, but it was rare to catch you in a more romantic spiel and he wanted to milk it some more.

You let out a sigh before continuing. “Well, you know I was a One Direction fan.”

“I’ll never forget the night you told me.” You laughed at that reply from him and so did he, it came out when you were very drunk and made for lots of embarrassing moments the next day. 

“Anyway, what I was saying to (Y/F/N) was kind of along the lines of, if I could tell a younger version of myself walking out of her first One Direction concert that she’d be where I am right now, she’d... I don’t know, die or cry or something.” You turned your head to look over at him then and he was smiling in that way that made his dimple so prominent and the beat of your heart harder. “Like, yes, I have celebrity crushes from when I was younger, but, I’m so happy with you, Harry.” You rolled back onto your side, you wanted him to know you meant this. “This life with you is better than any fanfiction or daydream I could think ever up. You don’t need to be jealous, I have everything I want with you.” You didn’t intend for the mood to shift but tears of complete happiness had welled in your eyes.

Harry noticed and he brought his arm around you to pull you closer in towards him until your bodies were against one another. “I love you so much, baby.”

“I love you, too.”

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track nine

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Eden arrived in New York in the biggest coat she could find in a store in Los Angeles, which came equipped with a furry hood and enough stuffing in it to make her resemble the michelin man when she climbed into the car. 

She leaned back against the headrest of the seat with a sigh, an iced coffee in each hand. Her eyes closed for a minute, like she was trying to find her inner peace, and then she sat up and passed a cup to Indy in the driver’s seat.

“Vanilla, oatmilk right?”

“Always,” Indy laughed, taking a sip before putting it in the cupholder. “So uh, I love you and all, but are you finally gonna tell me why you changed your flight and made it so much earlier?”

“Drive to your place, and I’ll explain.”

Eden waited until she got out of the majority of the traffic.

“So, I had my original ticket and I was just gonna rent a car and show up, you know this, we planned it. But then I had the brilliant idea to come early and kidnap you,” she grinned, sipping her coffee.

“You’re kidnapping me?”

“Kinda. Well, reverse kidnapping I guess cause I’m forcing you to host me. You told the boys you were Christmas shopping like I said right? So you’re clear for a few hours?”

“Yeah.”

“Well good, cause we’re having a girls moment, because you need me.”

“I need you?” Indy laughed. She could never imagine possessing the confidence that Eden manifested every day, but she hoped one day she could have a fraction of it. 

“Yeah, because you’re surrounded by Dolan twins, not Dolan twins girlfriends. And I’m sure neither of them have shut the fuck up about everything going on, right?”

Indy sighed, which Eden took as a yes. The two had been talking more and more, but especially since the absolute blow up on social media. Eden had been the first one to text her that day with a simple message.

Been there, I know how much it sucks but it’ll pass. Call me later when you’re up for it

Indy hadn’t called. She didn’t want to be a burden, didn’t want Eden to think she was weak. Instead she’d gone onto Eden’s instagram, tried to see how she handled things, and from the first few scrolls on her feed it was blatantly obvious that she didn’t give a shit. Just a few weeks prior she’d posted a picture of her and Ethan in the mirror dressed up for a date, his hand fully grabbing her ass with the caption miss you bby. Indy scrolled the comments, blood boiling at some of the shit people said to her. She wondered if she’d ever get to the point where she could even stand to reopen her own instagram, much less post with reckless abandon. 

“We love men who think they know what it’s like to be a woman,” she teased, shaking her head as they continued down the road. “They’ve got such a protection complex, both of them, but Gray especially. Don’t get me wrong, I love it most of the time. Actually, it’s kinda hot. But holy shit does it get annoying when they underestimate you.”

Indy had experienced it first hand in the last week, and she couldn’t disagree. It was like she was on lockdown. Gone were the days of Grayson meeting her in the lobby of the building, or waiting for her outside of Jets. When he came to her apartment he was in sunglasses and a beanie, sometimes even a scarf pulled up over his mouth in an attempt to hide from any cameras he couldn’t see. He relaxed marginally when he got inside, but the only time he really seemed to catch his breath was when the sun set and they were tangled in each other’s arms, or when they were off the interstate on the back roads to Jersey. His shoulders would sink a bit, and his grip on her hand would relax when they took the exit. Something about the trees, still coated in snow, made him feel safer, made him feel like he could protect her somehow. 

It felt like a breath of fresh air to walk into her lobby with someone by her side. There were no cameras, but Eden wouldn’t have cared even if there was. She held her hand and walked in as if she’d done it a thousand times, though she had to wait for Indy to hit the right elevator button. 

When they got inside the apartment, Eden plopped herself down on the couch with a smile and patted the cushion beside her. 

“Alright, spill. Give me all the details, how’s it been going?”

Indy started to talk, and then she couldn’t stop. It spilled out of her like water, every single thing that had happened since her graduation date. Eden listened intently to each detail, from the way they’d changed their walking path to the hospital to the fact that he was looking into a new paint job for the truck to make it less recognizable. 

“And he’s just so paranoid, and I mean I guess I am too in a way, cause I like my privacy too. But it’s like he thinks I’ll die if a picture of me gets out or something, like damn, I’m a little sensitive sometimes but I’m not that fucking fragile.”

“You should have seen Ethan when the pregnancy rumors started for me. One big lunch at Monty’s later and all of a sudden I’m 3 months pregnant and I don’t know which twin’s it is,” she rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee through her straw with a smile.

“No fucking way.”

“I thought he was going to actually murder the dude from Hollywood Fix for that one. We burned through two Relax candles that week. Wild.”

“Jesus christ.”

“But hey, you already got the engagement rumor out of the way, so pregnancy is probably next. To be safe though, never even look in the window of a wedding dress store, and definitely don’t go to the baby section anywhere.”

Eden said it all so casually, as if making sure to avert your eyes from a wedding dress in a window was a totally normal thing to do. Indiana’s breathing picked up at her words, afraid that somehow she’d accidentally start a rumor about herself that would come back to bite Grayson.

“Isn’t that exhausting though? Being worried about that shit all the time?”

“You get used to it, and you adapt. Like the topaz ring for Lisa. That’s from Ethan and Grayson together, but they decided to send Gray in because if Ethan got spotted in a ring shop there would be an article about our secret wedding on DailyMail next week. Of course, that plan didn’t work out for Gray so well either, as we now know. Why the fuck he didn’t think about that is beyond me, but whatever,” she laughed. 

“No one was supposed to know about me,” Indy said, and her words didn’t resonate until they hung in the air. Was that what it was? The sudden shift in him being so damn worried about someone possibly seeing them together? It made her palms sweaty and she rubbed them on her pants before she spoke again.

“When did Ethan get over it?”

Eden scoffed. “He’s not over it. Still makes him want to lose his mind when someone says some shit about me. He broke a knuckle last year punching a wall cause a news outlet got pictures of me in a bikini while we were in Hawaii and said I’d gained weight.”

“That’s… absolutely fucked Eden, I’m fucking sorry.”

“I put it on my instagram story and laughed it off.” She shrugged her shoulders, as most women do when they have to accept unsolicited opinions from strangers. But something about the confidence she exuded when she said it made Indy believe that, somehow, she really had just brushed it off for the most part. 

“Is it hard to do that? Laugh it off?”

“Sometimes.” She sat up, getting more serious as she looked at Indiana. “But here’s the thing babes. Someone is sitting in an office somewhere, probably in their little house, with a bunch of clutter on their desk writing shitty articles about me. Meanwhile, I’m living in a nice ass house in LA with my hot ass boyfriend who bought me that bikini and took me to Hawaii. So who's actually winning?

“People talk shit about you when they wish they were you, that’s just how the world works. It’s shit, but once you accept that it changes your perspective on a lot of things. I mean honestly Indy, who gives a fuck what dolantea with 7 a’s the end has to say on instagram when you have Grayson fucking Dolan in your bed every night?” She raised her eyebrows, happy to see the smile she got out of Indy. “And if you ever tell him I said that I’ll put Nair in your shampoo.”

“My lips are sealed,” Indy teased, suddenly filled with a boost of confidence. “You have a very interesting perspective on the world Eden, I like it.”

“Coming from the college grad, I take that as a major compliment.”

“Believe me, there’s plenty of dumb people with college degrees. Doesn’t mean much at the end of the day.”

“But it gets you into a career that means something,” she mused. “I mean, being a doctor is a big deal, you’ll help a lot of people.”

Indy chewed on her lip. Every intrusive thought she’d had in the last few days that didn’t revolve around Twitter had to do with her imagining herself as a doctor, but it always faded into something else. It was her at a patient’s bedside, her helping them get to their feet, her sending them home with their family. Things that nurses did, not doctors. 

“Yeah. I hope so,” was all she could say. 

“That wasn’t very Indy of you.”

She quirked an eyebrow at Eden and waited for an explanation.

“You always keep a convo going, and you let that one drop, which means you probably don’t want to talk about it. But I’ll listen if you want to get it off your chest.”

“I don’t know… it’s just. The more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe being a doctor isn’t exactly what I thought it would be.”

“Oh. Well, then don’t be a doctor.”

It was Indy’s turn to scoff. “It’s not that simple Eden.”

“Isn’t it though?”

Indiana couldn’t come up with an answer. So instead, after the silence became too much, she deflected, making Eden walk her through the plans for the day.

A few hours later, once they’d gotten ready, they headed out to Jersey for the early birthday surprise, which Lisa was in on. She had ordered a massive vegan cake from one of the bakeries in New York that Indy picked up on the way, making Eden hold it for the majority of the ride. But when they got to the start of the driveway, she pulled over and had her counterpart climb into the trunk of the SUV, sticking a shiny blue gift bow on top of her head while she held one hand on the cake box to keep it steady.

Grayson appeared on the porch at the sound of the gravel crunching, cocking his head to the side when he noticed that Indy was backing in. He jogged up to the window when she put it in park, waiting for her to roll it down so he could lean in to kiss her. She hummed and smiled at him.

“Happy Birthday.”

“It’d be happier if you were out here,” he mused, leaning back to pull on the door handle, frowning when he realized it was still locked. 

“Go get Ethan for me, tell him I need help getting the cake out of the trunk.”

Grayson turned to do as she asked before he did a double-take at the very cake shaped box in the passenger seat.

“But…”

Indy repeated her sentence with a tight smile, but he still just frowned.

“Is that not the cake? Mom let it slip that she ordered one, I can just get it, cause Ethan is grumpy.”

“BITCH JUST GO GET HIM.”

Eden’s yell was so loud that Grayson jumped, putting a protective hand on Indy’s shoulder, though he didn’t know what he was protecting her from until he peeked into the car.

“Oh thank god,” he laughed at the sight of her, half hidden by the back row of seats. “He’s been moping for like three days!”

“Oh believe me, I know. Now go get him, I’m getting a fucking leg cramp back here.” 

Gray grinned, already feeling his brother’s happiness somehow as he bounded into the house, yelling incessantly until Ethan finally came trudging down the stairs, muttering profanities as he stepped out into the New Jersey cold.

“Bro, be nice, Indy worked really hard to make this birthday nice for both of us, even if Eden couldn’t be here. Just help me carry the cake,” Grayson said, doing his best to keep his voice steady.

Ethan took a deep breath and nodded.

“Dee, open the trunk babe!” Gray called, having to turn away to hide his grin. But he looked back quickly, not wanting to miss his brother’s face when the door lifted and revealed his girlfriend, sitting adorably with a bow on her head. 

Ethan just stared for a moment, mouth hanging open so wide that it made Indy laugh as she watched in the rear view mirror.

“You little shit!” He finally said, closing the distance and pulling her into his arms and out of the car, spinning her around for a moment before peppering kisses all over her face. It was like he couldn’t let go. Every time he went to pull back he caught sight of her face again and pulled her back against him until they were both shivering out in the cold, wind whipping at their exposed hands and ankles.

Grayson helped Indy out of the car, warming her lips with a welcoming kiss before they moved to unpack the car, letting the lovebirds have their moment. Lisa greeted her as soon as she made it in the door and sat the gifts down, her hair smelling like she’d just put on hairspray. Eden and Ethan trailed in moments later hand in hand, with Ethan yelling about how Li had been in on it the whole time.

In terms of birthdays, it was a chilled out evening. The twins birthday used to be a huge event, full of laughter and excitement. Now, there was a blanket over the scene, a silent understanding that one person was missing from the table - one who should have been a year older just a few days prior. But they made the most of their time together, eating the cake first gathered around the table before moving into the living room and starting on presents. 

Grayson kept a hand on Indy’s knee unless he was unwrapping, looking over at her with a warm smile any time that he could. Lisa’s gifts were first - new sweaters, Ethan’s red and Grayson’s green, a bottle of shampoo each, specific to their hair texture. They gave each other such an incredulous look that Eden and Indy couldn’t help but laugh, only growing louder when Lisa leaned over to smack their heads lightly. They got individual gifts too - a new helmet for Ethan for his longboarding trips and a nice drill that Grayson had asked for. They both stood up to kiss her cheek in thanks before they settled back down to open gifts.

Indy was let in on the tradition that Ethan always opened first because he was older, and she was more than happy to lean on Grayson and watch his brother open his gifts. He started with Eden’s, eyebrows shooting up when he pulled out an odd arrangement of things. A bottle of sparkling cider, sunscreen and a pair of swim trunks that were adorned with a pattern made of a picture of Gizmo. He checked the bag for anything else before looking back at Eden and waiting.

“Read the bottle.”

He held it up to his face, reading aloud. “Passionfruit Cider. Made and bottled on Maui. Oh shit. Oh SHIT! Are we going back to Maui?”

“We’re going in March cause that’s the only time when I could put two weeks together where we both don’t have work.”

Indy sunk down even further despite already being on the floor while they celebrated. She looked at the tiny box she’d brought for him, wanting to reach out and hide it behind her back.  

She didn’t get the chance to, because Ethan had already grabbed it, reading the tag. 

“Indiana you didn’t need to get me anything,” he said, and his sincerity made her feel a fraction better.

“Well, it’s no trip to Hawaii, so don’t get too excited. And your mom helped.”

He unwrapped the box carefully, opening the lid and staring down for a moment. 

“It’s a key,” he murmured, reaching in and pulling out the necklace, a silver key which sat on a matching chain horizontally.

“It’s a copy of the key to your house here, but as a necklace. I know you really miss home while you’re gone, and you wear necklaces sometimes, so I thought I could make you a little reminder.”

“You made this?” He looked up at you with wide eyes.

“Yeah! It’s not much, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it's perfect Inds. Seriously, I love it, thank you so much.” 

Indy blushed anyways, not really believing his words but trying to accept them as he leaned over to hug her, grateful for the change of subject when it was announced that it was Grayson’s turn. 

He started with Eden’s, smiling wide at the tool belt that he pulled out, yelling when he realized it was customized with his name on the side.

“You can use that to build that side table you keep telling me you’re gonna make me,” Eden teased, which devolved into a moment of playful bickering. Indy used the time to line up the boxes in the right order, biting her lip when she handed him the first one.

“That’s way too many gifts,” Grayson said, frowning at her a bit.

“It’s really just one, it’s like a - well they go together - just, just open it.”

He did as she asked, pulling the paper off and unboxing the first one.

“A fucking nutcracker! Fuck yes!” He yelled, starting to look at it a bit closer. “Wait. WAIT. Is this Cudi?” 

“What!?” Ethan piped up before Indy could even answer.

“Bro it looks like Man On The Moon End of The Day cover, look at the fucking colors, and the moon.” He pointed to specific parts on the body of the doll, showing his brother who leaned over his shoulder.

“Open the next one,” Indy laughed, passing him the box.

He was quicker with that one, yelling so loud that Gizmo started to yell in the kitchen as he recognized the album art from Man On The Moon II, all tans, blacks and stars. 

“Holy fucking shit these are so fucking cool! Give me the next one, holy fuck.”

Indy passed them along, laughing when each reaction was just as dramatic as the first. The Indicudi was Indy’s favorite, with the mixture of reds and oranges. The collection started to take shape as he sat them out next to one another, adding the simplistic Satellite Flight nutcracker next, followed by the neutrals of Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven. Passion Pain and Demon Slayin’ matched well with the bright colors of Man On The Moon III, and Grayson was so excited by the end of the six that he had to stand up and run a lap before he came back and pulled Indy to her feet. 

“You like them?”

“You got me Cudi’s discography in fucking nutcracker form. I fucking love it, and I fucking love you.” He kissed her like no one was in the room, her heartbeat so loud in her ears that she didn’t even hear Lisa’s ‘awe’ from behind them.  

“I love you too,” she murmured against him, letting him hold her for a minute before he dropped back down to his knees to look at the collection, dissecting every detail like a six year old with a brand new toy. 

Ethan was just as enthralled, and she wished she could be as chilled out as Eden seemed as she sat and watched them. But instead, she was running numbers in her head, trying to calculate how much a trip to Maui for two would cost with airfare and lodging put together. 

She’d thought she’d gone overboard with the $300 collection of nutcrackers. For her, it was anyways - she’d timed her showers for two weeks and left them lukewarm in an attempt to save some money on her utility bill to justify it. Her mind spun for a moment as she thought about the little stack of Christmas presents hidden under her bed. A sweater for Lisa, a roll of film for Charlie to go with the new camera Dev was buying her. Fuzzy socks and a candle each for Eden and Cam that she’d found on a good sale. The thought of them sitting next to big extravagant gifts she was sure would arrive on the 25th made her deflate, so much that Grayson sensed it enough to pull himself away from his new toys.

“Hey, where’d you go?”

“I’m here,” she said, giving him a smile that didn’t make it to her eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was have him worried about her on a day that was supposed to be about him. He returned one in hopes it would lighten her mood, but he knew not to push it. In fact, he didn’t bring it up until they were back at Indy’s apartment, in their pajamas after eating extra cake that Lisa had sent home with them. 

“Did you have a good birthday?” Indy asked, tracing H-A-P-P-Y-B-D-A-Y on his chest.

“I did. Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! Yeah, it was good. But today was for you, it doesn’t really matter what kind of day I had.”

“It always matters what kind of day you had,” he countered. “You seemed kinda upset when we were giving presents.” 

“Oh, yeah, it was no big deal. I just didn’t feel like I got you guys enough stuff. 21 is a big birthday.”

He leaned back enough so he could see her face, frowning down at her. 

“First off, it’s only a big birthday because you can drink, which doesn’t matter to me. Second, you gave us both more than enough, I have no idea why you think that.”

“Eden got Ethan a trip to fucking Maui.”

“And?”

“I got him a key. On a chain.” 

“Which is probably the most thoughtful gift he’s gotten in a really long time.” 

“It cost $20.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you can buy people whatever you want.”

“We’re just in different life stages,” he said. “You’ll be making bank once you’re out of school, you just have to get to that point. And even then, it doesn’t matter what you buy people for gifts. They only care that you’re there with them.”

Indy resisted the urge to repeat her words back to him again. She didn’t really expect him to understand where she was coming from.

“Yeah, I hope so.” She ran her hands down over his ribs under the covers, smiling when she felt him sigh under her. “By the time I pay off my loans Ethan and Eden will probably have three kids, you’ll have to spot us for all the baby shower presents.”

It was Grayson’s turn to fall quiet. He could see it - see Indy in a little pink sundress out in their LA backyard, celebrating a new baby on the way, talking with Eden and Lisa, helping Adele organize tables. And he wanted it. But he held her in his arms and thought about all that would come for her before that time came, and his heart tightened in his chest when he realized that he wouldn’t be there to see it.

“Tell me about school.”

She sat up a bit, running her hands through his hair.

“That’s what you wanna do with the last hour of your birthday? Hear about school?” 

“Yeah. Just wanna hear you talking to me,” he said, ignoring the tightness in his throat. 

She did as he asked, talked about the classes she had left and what order she’d have to take them in, the application process, the in’s and out’s of medical school as he tried to memorize every inflection of her voice, her laugh, and the feeling of her pressed up against him. 

When they woke up, it seemed that the holiday season had fully taken hold overnight. Suddenly, the days were flying by in blurs of Christmas lights and shopping. The pair were together 24/7, attached at the hip every moment that they could get away with. When Grayson was recording the podcast, Indy was just out of sight on the floor listening. While Indy was clearing out her laptop from the semester, Grayson was sitting behind her on the bed braiding her hair. Before they knew it they were trying to fit Bekah’s presents, and the cookies they made for the nurses into an already packed backseat of the truck on Christmas Eve.

A blanket of snow still rested in the city, muffling the city sounds it seemed as they drove. They were bundled up enough that Grayson wasn’t worried about them being recognized in the short walk to the hospital, and they shed their layers once they were inside the warm walls. They took the elevator, not minding the slow climb up to Bekah’s floor. But when they got to the desk to sign in, the nurses looked weary. Indy chucked it up to having to work the holiday and hoped that the cookies would lift their spirits when she left them on the counter. 

Bekah’s room had a small tree in the corner, covered in colorful lights and generic silver and red ornaments that were identical to those in every other room of the hospital. Bekah hardly reacted when she saw the duo enter in, though she tried. She sat up as much as she could but ended up back flat on her bed. 

“Hey Beks, hold on, let me help.” Indy rushed over to her side, fumbling for the buttons to raise the back of her bed up so she could sit up and see the room. Grayson held up her stack of presents with his biggest smile, the one Indy loved where he would clench his teeth. Bekah lit up, grinning wide at the two of them. Her skin was pale, and they could tell that she’d lost weight, but her smile was just the same. 

“Earrings, you double as Santa on the weekends or something? They already give the sick kids pity presents, you didn’t have to go so hard.” 

“These are from Indy actually,” Grayson said. Indy bit her tongue. She’d picked them out, but Grayson had footed the bill.

“They’re from both of us,” she corrected. “You feel good enough to open them now?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.” 

And she was good. But she wasn’t great. Just unwrapping the boxes seemed to zap out the small energy store she had left. Indy wished she’d had the foresight to package them in bags instead of boxes, make it a bit easier for her to open. But the excitement was enough for her to make it through opening the new Christmas blanket, which was covered in cats and dogs in festive sweaters, a Harry Styles crewneck and new fuzzy socks. The last box was an Among Us shirt, with a little purple crewmate peeking out of the pocket - Bekah was notorious for how many hours she spent playing (Gray and Indy would sometimes hop on and play a few games with her when they weren’t there). 

“You guys are the best,” she said, letting the pile of presents rest on her bed. She yawned, so hard she leaned back and her beanie slipped off her smooth head. Grayson watched as she reached for it and winced, and suddenly he was watching his dad there in the bed, trying to get to his phone on the bedside table, wincing in pain. His breath caught in his chest and he blinked hard, trying to come back to reality.

And then Bekah closed her eyes, and laid perfectly still. It was quiet in the room for a moment, and a wave of nausea rose in Grayson, so strong that he raised his hand up to his mouth.

“Beks?” He choked out.

“She’s okay, she’s okay.” Indy rushed to reassurances. “Look, look at her monitor.”

The blips on the heart monitor line meant much more to Indy than they did to Grayson, but he recognized them enough to catch his breath.

“Sometimes, when someone is exhausted like that, they lapse in consciousness for a little while. It’s a defense mechanism, she’s okay.”

“For a second I thought - fuck,” he huffed, running his hand over his face. Indy moved beside him, taking his hand in hers and kissing his knuckles one by one.

“What the fuck.”

They both turned to the bed, where Bekah’s eyes were open again. But they were unfamiliar somehow, none of that usual Bekah charm that warmed the dark pools of brown in sight. 

“Bekah-” Indy tried, but she was cut off.

“You two are dating? Seriously? What is this, community service date night?”

“Beks-” Grayson spoke up.

“I never ask for much, but fuck you two. Fuck you.”

“Bekah, hey.” Indy took a step towards her bed, and Bekah recoiled.

“I try. I try really fucking hard not to think about how fucked up and shitty my life is. I’m 15, and I’m dying. I’m never gonna go back to school. No prom, no graduation, no wedding. Not even a fucking boyfriend before I die and everyone forgets me. The least you could do is not rub it in my fucking face.” 

“Bekah, you can’t think like that. You’re gonna get better, you’re gonna get all those things,” Grayson said, blinking through the tears that had formed without warning in his eyes. They fell down his cheeks in uneven droplets, hot and unfamiliar. 

“Yeah? Just like Emma was gonna get better right? Well, her funeral was last week. She’s never going to play hide and seek again, much less anything else. What about Damion from my last radiation rotation hmm? God was gonna come down and heal him too right? Then why is he dead, huh? Where’s God in all this? Where’s my fucking happy ending? I’m gonna get the inside of a box, that’s what I’m gonna get, and no one will fucking admit it because I’m a kid, and I’m supposed to be here longer than this! I’m supposed to have more time! I’m supposed to get to do stupid shit in college, and grow up, and find my person but no. I’m never going to get those things, so fuck you both for throwing it in my face.”

“Bekah-” Indy’s voice broke on the word.

“Get out. Both of you, out.”

“Bekah please.”

“OUT!”

Her yell was loud enough to alert a passing nurse in the hallway, and she stepped inside.

“You two need to step out of the room please.”

The sobs didn’t take hold until they were in the hallway. They ripped out of Indy without warning or grace, and Grayson did all he could to hold her pieces together as she started to shatter. 

“Shhh, Dee, hey, it’s okay, let’s go outside,” Grayson tried to comfort her through his own tears, leading her towards the doors.

A hand caught his shoulder and he turned his head to see Jessica in her scrubs, coming out of another patient’s room.

“What did she say?”

Indy perked up from where her face had been buried. 

“What did Bekah say?” She asked again

“She’s agitated, talking about how her life is being cut short, how she’s dying. She told us to leave.”

Jessica sighed, looking down at her shoes. 

“We’re on our last resort. A final round of chemo and radiation. If this doesn’t work, we’re out of options. And it’s going to be brutal, it’s spread to her brain. You’ll have to be patient with her, she’s probably going to go through some personality shifts. She’ll be more emotional, more irritable. Sometimes she might be disoriented. This type of cancer, when it’s in the brain, it’s unpredictable. One minute she could be fine, the next she could be completely unrecognizable. Give her a few days, wait until after the holidays when everything is back to routine, and give it another try okay? Hopefully it’s better when things are a bit more normal.”

“Yeah,” Indy sniffled. Jessica put a hand on her shoulder.

“Indiana her face lights up when you two walk in that room. She talks about you guys non stop when you aren’t here. She’ll come around from whatever it was, okay? Just give her some time. We’ll be here to take care of her, don’t you worry.”

Indy wasn’t sure why, but she pulled Jessica into a hug. The woman was surprised, but she reciprocated anyways with a squeeze. 

“Sweet girl. It’ll be okay,” she murmured, which only made the tears flow even more when she let go. 

Indiana transferred from one set of arms to the other, back into Grayson’s strong grip which only loosened when he pressed the button for the doors. When they made it to the ocean hallway, it all hit at once, and her legs gave out. She caught herself on the support bars as Grayson lowered her to the ground. They came in waves that she couldn’t control, not for want of trying. 

“I’m s-s-sorry,” she stuttered, trying to force air into her lungs. Someone down the hall pulled a door closed quietly. 

“It’s okay, hey, it’s okay. Breathe baby, just breathe,” Grayson murmured, running his thumbs under her eyes to try and wipe her mascara, which was running down her red cheeks in dark streaks. He waited until she was able to take a few solid breaths before he spoke again. 

“C’mon, let’s go to Jersey. I’ll take you to Jersey.” 

She put most of her weight on him while they took the stairs out into the cold streets. It had begun to snow again, and the cold only added to the stinging in her eyes as he led her to the truck. She wondered in that moment how many times he’d had to hold her together, and her stomach twisted in guilt for a moment at the thought. Even still, she huddled into Grayson until he opened her door for her, immediately moving over as close to him as she could, pushing the middle console up to make it a bench seat and scooting to the middle when he climbed in.

His Dad had once told him it was important to be a confident one handed driver - you never knew what you’d have to hold in your passenger seat, he’d said. At the time, he was referring to the four large pizzas that ended up leaving a permanent grease mark in his jeep seat. But Grayson was thankful for the advice as he maneuvered the car out of the spot and out of the parking garage with an arm still around his girl.

The roads were quiet, and he questioned it until he remembered that it was in fact Christmas Eve. He slowed down when they got to the Jersey neighborhoods, looked at all the lights, all the families he could see in the windows, huddled around their bright trees. He could remember those nights like they were yesterday, him and Ethan sneaking to the top of the stairs to try to catch a glimpse at the big man with the red sack. When they were five they’d seen him and ran to wake their sister. They’d all watched in amazement as he placed presents under the tree and ate the cookies they’d left.

He’d found the santa suit in a box in his dad’s closet when they went through his things after his funeral. 

“Does your family have any Christmas traditions?” He asked quietly, running his arm quickly over Indiana’s arm in a bid to keep her warm as he drove. The cool wind that was whipping the snow around seemed to be outrunning the heater in the truck. 

“We did. We would watch Elf the night before, cause it was mom’s favorite. We did the cookies, the stockings, all that stuff too. But we always had grilled cheese and soup for dinner too.”

“Grilled cheese and soup?”

“Yeah. That was mom’s idea too. She always said we could leave extra room for a good Christmas morning breakfast if we ate grilled cheese and soup. So we always ended up in the living room with our plates and bowls and Christmas PJs watching elf. Turns out, warm soup was always her trick to get us to go to sleep early. Made me and Charlie tired I guess. She told me it worked like a charm every time. What do the Dolan’s do?”

“Ours is more Christmas morning. We do the whole giant breakfast thing. We open stockings first, and Santa presents, then we do breakfast and then we do the rest of the presents. Used to drive us crazy when we were little, cause all the presents would just be waiting for us. But Mom said it was so we were grateful for our food too, cause it was a gift that we had it on our table at all.” 

“Li is a good mom,” Indy sighed, resting her cheek on his shoulder. Her eyes were tired, the kind where your eyelids feel like they weigh ten pounds a piece, but she fought with them and won, still awake when they made it to the house. She hopped out and moved to the backseat, but Grayson caught her.

“I’ll carry the stuff in. Go get cleaned up, take a hot shower and relax. Mom will be worried, she always knows when someone has been crying, it’s like a sixth fucking sense.” 

For once, Indy didn’t argue. Instead, she went in the house as quietly as she could, grateful that even Gizmo didn’t seem to note her arrival. She snuck up the stairs to Grayson’s closet, grabbing an old thick flannel and a sports bra that she’d left, plus some sweatpants, considering she’d left her bag in the truck.

She had never been so thankful for a shower. She lost track of how long she let the warm water wash over her head, closing her eyes and focusing on the feeling of the stream against her skin. It was peaceful, but surreal in a way. She thought about where she’d imagined herself on Christmas Eve night at the beginning of the year, and it looked so vastly different than where she was, on the cold tiles of a New Jersey shower with her boyfriend carrying in gifts downstairs. The thought of him waiting for her gave her enough motivation to get cleaned up, though she had to resort to using Grayson’s shampoo and bodywash, which was an unlabeled Wakeheart sample he’d been testing out it seemed. It smelled fresh, with a vanilla mixture that was reminiscent of Jet’s.

Indiana was in higher spirits when she sauntered down the stairs, and her heart swelled a few sizes when she heard a familiar song in the background - the title screen of Elf, waiting on the TV in the living room. She checked rooms until she found Grayson, standing in front of the stove with two pots and a skillet going. She didn’t have to ask. Instead, she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. 

He spun around, spatula in hand until they were chest to chest as he watched the stove over her head, holding her close to make sure she didn’t get burnt. He nuzzled into her wet hair, and then sniffed harder.

“You smell like me,” he noted.

“Had to use your stuff. I like that body wash though, which one is that?”

“Can’t remember. Let me see.” He reached around and caught her arm, smelling her skin.

“Ah. That’s Polis.” 

She looked up at him. 

“Polis? Like… Poland?”

He chuckled against her, flipping over a grilled cheese.

“Polis as in the end of Indianapolis. A smell that makes you seem put together and professional with a sweet note at the end. Vanilla. Like your lattes.”

As he often seemed to, he rendered her speechless enough that all she could do was press a kiss to his chest and wrap her arms around him, under his sweatshirt to trace on his back.

L-O-V-E-Y-O-U

He kissed the top of her head and stirred the soup. 

Ten minutes later and they were cozied up on a makeshift palette on the floor under a few blankets, with soup and sandwiches in hand. Grayson had made himself three vegan grilled cheese and tomato soup, and caved and given Indy the last can of chicken noodle in the cabinet because he knew it was her favorite even if it wasn’t vegan, though her grilled cheese was vegan as well. They watched Elf play, laughing and noting all the familiar NY scenery. Indy swore the man in the red jumpsuit had come into Jet’s before. They sipped their soup out of the bowl, and Indy listened to Grayson talk about the cinematography, trying to follow all that he was saying. 

Once the bowls and plates were sat aside, they found themselves wrapped in each other’s arms, and Nicole’s old trick seemed to work, considering Indy was asleep before the end credits. Grayson carried her upstairs and put her to bed before going back down to clean up.

Though he tried to get into bed without waking her up again, he didn’t quite manage it, his weight moving the mattress just enough for her to stir and open her eyes. 

“Sorry baby, it’s just me. You fell asleep.”

“Hmmm. C’mere,” she murmured, opening up her arms. He laughed, knowing that if he laid on her the way she was asking that he’d press all the air out of her lungs. Instead, he pulled her on top of him and slotted their legs together, revealing in the feeling of their skin pressed together. She was warm for once since she’d been under the covers, and he hoped his fingers weren’t cold as he began to trace patterns against her back. 

“I love you,” she hummed, tracing a swirl over his ribs lazily.

“I love you too.”

“Forever.”

“Hmm?” He asked.

“I’m going to love you forever. I can feel it. I’m yours forever Grayson Dolan, and don’t you forget it.”

He pressed a kiss to her head and felt her finger against his ribs. F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

“I’ll love you forever too Indy. Forever.”

The tears returned.

------------------------------------------

Grayson was the first up the next morning, after a restless night of sleep - or so he thought. Lisa was in the kitchen, watching the snow continue to fall outside. It coated the trees outside and muffled the woods in a blanket of white. Lisa turned to greet her son, and frowned. 

“Have you been crying?”

He hadn’t shed a tear since the night before, but he should have known she would know. A mother always does.

“Just some stuff with Bekah. She’s not doing well, and I feel bad cause I won’t see her again until next time we come visit after we leave.”

“You can always call, and she’ll have Indy. She’ll be okay love.” She stood and ruffled his hair as she passed, headed to pour him a cup of coffee.

“It’s not as good as Indy’s, but it’ll do,” she smiled, rubbing her hand over his shoulder. They sipped in silence for a moment as the world woke up.

“Do you remember the year Dad dressed up for Christmas? When we were five?”

“Oh yeah. That was your Poppy John’s idea, he did it for Sean when he was little. Said it made him believe in Santa for a few more years. Your dad wanted to keep you guys kids as long as he could, and he knew Cameron was going to figure it out sooner than later. He also knew you two would be spying. You tried it when you were four, but you both fell asleep on the stairs before you could see any action. He told you Santa must have carried you to bed when you woke up that morning.” 

“Holy shit, I remember that.” He paused for a moment, reflecting. “You all always went all out for us on the holidays, I never really thought about it. Thanks.”

Lisa smiled the warm smile that only mom’s could really give, and patted his hand on the table. “I just hope you’ll do the same for your kids one day. I know you will.” She paused for a moment, and then she smiled. “You remember what he told us, on that last Christmas? About what he was gonna do?”

Grayson could hear his father’s voice in his head for a moment, and it made his throat tight.

“Yeah. Said he’d give us white Christmases for the rest of our lives if he could.”

Lisa lifted her mug towards the windows.

“Merry Christmas Sean.” Her words hung in the air, and Grayson swallowed the lump in his throat, watching the snow fall. 

Eventually he went back to bed to coax Indy awake about an hour later, smiling at her bedhead when she rolled over.

“Merry Christmas Dee,” he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. Her eyes widened a bit quicker than normal.

“It’s Christmas!”

“Yep,” Grayson laughed, brushing her hair out of her face. She caught his hand and pulled him down over top of her, the covers wedged between them as she kissed him.

“Merry Christmas,” she said against his lips, and he melted into her. He couldn’t think of how many Christmas morning’s he’d woke up wishing to have someone there with him. It brought a new kind of excitement that quieted his mind for the time being, and he happily scooped her up and sat her on her feet so they could go wake up the other duo of the house. 

By the time they convinced E squared to arise - which took jumping on the bed, a promise of lattes and the threat of cold water - Lisa was already halfway done with breakfast.

Grayson hadn’t exaggerated - there was a huge assortment of fruit, pastries and coffee to get everyone started. 

“Stockings first! Well, coffee, then stockings!” Lisa clapped her hands and passed out mugs. Indy channeled her Jet’s days to make the lattes quickly, funneling in behind everyone as they headed to the fireplace to grab their stockings.

She melted when she noticed the I. 

“Lisa, you didn’t need to do that.”

“Oh hush. Okay red E is Ethan, white E is Eden…” she trailed off as she passed them out, slightly confused when she watched Ethan reach underneath the tree to pull out a stocking for his mom that the boys had filled. 

Indy was let in on the stocking tradition when she opened it. Everyone got essentials - a new toothbrush, socks, chapstick, lotion. She also threw in each person’s favorite candy and a giftcard to a local ice cream shop in town with vegan options. Lisa’s stocking was more extravagant, with some of her favorite high-end hair products, a certificate for a free massage, and lots of bath bombs that were Wakeheart testers. She hugged her boys necks when they all stood up, up on her tiptoes so she could reach. Everyone funneled into the kitchen after that, the boys in charge of the vegan meat options while Indy and Eden helped with the biscuits and cinnamon rolls. They ate around a full table, laughing and telling stories of Christmas. Eden won the most interesting story with one about her holiday with her extended family back in the Philippines, in which they’d spent Christmas using buckets to get water out of the house from a monsoon that had made landfall, a rarity for that late in the year. 

Time seemed to fast forward as they moved to open presents. The boys spoiled Lisa, as they always did. A new iPhone, expensive tennis shoes to help her back while she worked. New signs for the garden beds that Grayson built and Ethan painted, a canvas print of the picture Charlie had taken from Thanksgiving. They saved the topaz ring for last, knowing it would make her cry. Her tears were enough to get Ethan’s eyes prickling - forever the mama’s boy, who just hugged her while she let it out, Grayson joining in a few moments later. She opened her sweater from Indy, complimenting the color, and a new set of Airpods from Eden, seeing that she’d lost her first set. 

They moved on to Eden next. She also got a new phone from Ethan, which she smacked his arm for buying considering she knew how expensive they were, ignoring the fact that her phone barely held 20 minutes of battery anymore. Grayson got her a new sketchbook with a set of top line pencils and markers for her to sketch out her work designs, and Indy bought her a pair of Nike’s that she’d had her eyes on. Lisa got her a gift card to her favorite restaurant in LA - a non vegan one that she proposed could be used on a girls date when Lisa came to visit.

Indy was next. She had always hated opening gifts in front of people but she swallowed her un-comfort and proceeded through the boxes. Lisa bought her a nice blow dryer, remembering that she’d complained about hers once and raved about the one that she let Indy borrow. Eden bought her a new outfit - it was a bit out of Indy’s comfort zone, with the patterned pants and bright top, but she hoped she’d be able to pull it off. Both Eden and Gray assured her that she could. Ethan bought her a print of the state of Indiana, laughing at the way she tried to pretend that she loved it. 

“Read the back.” 

She flipped it over, squinting to try to read his messy handwriting that told her to check behind the tree. Sure enough, she found a box with a stethoscope in it. Top of the line, one of the more expensive brands.

“Every doctor needs one of those things, at least that’s what google told me. It’s got your initials on it too, cause apparently people try to steal them.” 

He dismissed her claims that it was too much, and instead urged her to open Graysons gifts. The first was a speaker, because ‘Cudi needs to be played loud and well’, followed by a bag full of clothes. She pulled the first piece out and gasped.

“You bought me scrubs?”

“Yeah. I know you were stressed out about them being expensive, and I knew you’d use them. I bought five sets, I hope that’s enough. And I asked the nurses at Frazier what the best brand was, but if you don’t like those I have the receipt.” 

“I’m sure they’re perfect. Thank you bub, I love them.”

She knew that Grayson had held back, and she was appreciative, especially as they got closer to his gifts. Luckily, Ethan was born first and therefore got first dibs. He got a custom longboard from Eden that she’d designed with all his favorite things, including a thermal painting of a very scandalous picture of her on the bottom that she’s covered with a piece of paper so Lisa didn’t see. Grayson got him an envelope with three tattoo appointments that he’d managed to get with their favorite artist in LA, who was usually booked up for months in advance. Lisa bought him a new jacket and boots, while Indy bought him a pair of headphones designed for the inside of a helmet, so he could listen to music while he skated. 

Grayson was the last to go. Eden got him new sweatshirts since he ‘wore the same ones all the time’, while Lisa bought him a sweater and jacket. Ethan bought him extra organizers for his closet and a minimalistic nutcracker, though he admitted it didn’t stand a chance of taking the spot of one of the Cudi nutcrackers, which stood tall on the mantle. Finally, he opened his bag from Indy, smiling when he pulled out a few things. The first was a journal, made of recycled paper and bound in a dark green cover with his name on the front in gold. The next was a Jet’s gift card, a small inside joke between the two of them. The final one was a picture frame. It was simple, black with flecks of gold along the edges. Within it, the first picture they’d ever taken together, in the mirror of Indy’s room where half his body was covered in her writing, labeled muscles. 

“Can’t lie, I spent most of my budget on your birthday. But I have a matching picture to put on my shelf, so I figured you might like it.”

“I love it,” he reassured her, kissing her cheek quickly, a sweet moment before the bustle of clean up began. The afternoon flew by with movies playing in the background and the snow continuing to fall outside. The boys cleaned off the cars, and after sunset, they appeared with a duffle bag each and a mischievous look on their faces.

“C’mon, we’ve got one more gift to show you guys.” 

Lisa waved goodbye from the front porch as both couples climbed into the truck, the girls in the back.

“Do you know what this is about?” Eden whispered.

“No idea.”

So they waited patiently until they finally put the pieces together - it only clicked when Ethan got out and opened the gate.

The trail looked different from the seat of the truck. Partially because it had been cleared out, but mainly because they weren’t on the back of a quad, with the wind whipping in their faces.

Hidden away in the snow covered clearing, the tiny homes were covered in snow. The lights inside were glowing a warm yellow, inviting them in from the cold. Grayson parked halfway between the two, coming around to get the duffle bag before turning around, a sign for Indy to climb on his back.

She didn’t argue, considering he had the advantage of snow boots over her, and climbed on, hugging onto him tight as he trudged through the snow to the front door. He kicked the snow off his boots on the small front porch and then opened the door, the draft of warm air already enticing. 

The inside was more beautiful than Indy could have imagined it would have been. She remembered trying to visualize it when Grayson had explained where everything would be - it felt like years ago, that warm fall day. But the kitchen was exactly as he had said it would be, minimalistic with dark wood that looked black in the dim light and white cabinets. The stairs were beautifully done, and Indy found herself climbing to the loft to find the queen size bed that awaited them, with the triangular window that looked out over the trees. 

“This is incredible,” she mused, looking down over the balcony at him. He beamed up at her, taking her in. Her skin glowed in the warm light, her hair washed yellow in a beautiful tone as it hung around her shoulders. He found himself kicking off his shoes and climbing the stairs to meet her, abandoning his plan of giving her a full tour in favor of exploring her instead. 

She followed his movement like water in an ancient stream, cut out and formed just for her to flow along, and they ended up on the bed with her back against the soft mattress.

“Are we christening the house?” Her words were muffled by his lips, which were eager and hungry against hers, a feeble attempt to drown out his thoughts. He kissed her incessantly instead of answering, pressing all her buttons to make her melt for him. The heater was small and nestled downstairs, goosebumps rising in the cold air as they lost layer after layer, chasing the heat of each other.

He held her as close to him as he possibly could, blocked out the cold and the doubt as he bit onto her shoulder and rocked her in sync with his hips, watched her head fall back and his name sing from her lips as she came undone over and over again until she was putty in his hands. He came so hard he saw stars, slowing down with her still in his arms.

She was in such a daze that it took her a moment to come to her senses and remember that she needed to go downstairs to pee and get cleaned up. As soon as she was out of his sight, the realization of what he’d just done came crashing down on Grayson. The guilt crushed his lungs as he finally admitted to himself that he knew he was hurting Indy. He knew she deserved to know where his mind was at, where it had been ever since Ethan had brought it up. He’d been selfish, and cruel, and as he sat there naked he’d never felt more ashamed in his life. He scrambled to get his clothes back on before Indy came back up. 

She was still blissful, her legs a bit wobbly as she tried to navigate the unfamiliar stairs. But she frowned when she saw his winter coat. 

“Those aren’t pajamas.”

Grayson jumped at the sound of her voice.

“Yeah, uh, Ethan texted me, he said their heater isn’t working, asked me to come look at it.” 

“Oh. That sucks, you want me to come help? I can hold a flashlight or something,” she offered.

“No, no it’s cold, you just stay here and relax, I’ll be back. Might take a while, but I’ll be back.”

“No promises that I won’t be asleep,” she teased, climbing under the covers. “This bed is better than mine I think.”

“Get some rest, I’ll be back soon.” 

“Okay. I’ll save a spot for you. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He headed down the stairs, slipping his boots on as quickly as he could and choking back his sobs until he was out of the door. He trudged blindly across the yard, only guided by the lights from the windows, and he knocked on the door.

He couldn’t imagine what he looked like when Eden opened the door. But it was bad enough that she didn’t say a word. Instead, she simply turned and called for Ethan, who took one look at him and pulled on his coat, following him out into the snow towards the truck. 

Safe inside the cab and in the presence of his brother, Grayson fell to pieces. Ethan could only remember a handful of times that his brother had cried so hard, and he held him tight in his arms as best be could, shaking with him as the sobs ripped their way out of him. 

Ethan didn’t even attempt to talk, only to console as best he could until Grayson could finally breathe. He pulled the extra inhaler out of the glove box and made his brother take a few puffs when he started to wheeze, holding the canister up to his lips.

“Breathe Gray, c’mon, you’ve gotta breathe so you can talk to me. You gotta tell me what’s wrong so I can help. Hey, I’m right here, it’s me. You can tell me, it’s okay.” 

Grayson finally caught his breath enough to calm down, with his hands gripping onto Ethan’s jacket collar like his life depended on it.

“I’m gonna break her E. I’m gonna destroy her and it’s all my fault. I love her, fuck, I love her. What am I supposed to do?”

Ethan sucked in a long breath through his nose, looking over at Grayson’s house.

“You haven’t told her.” It wasn’t a question.

“I wanted to, I fucking can’t. Every time I think I can tell her I just think about what it’s gonna do to her. What it’s gonna do to me. I don’t know what the right thing is here E, you gotta tell me.”

“You know I can’t do that.” 

“Fuck that, you’re me, we’re each other, you know me better than I know me. Tell me what to do.” 

Ethan could barely see his brother’s face, but the little bit of light from the moon showed enough pain in his eyes to have Ethan’s stomach twisting. He put a hand on his brother’s shoulder and squeezed.

“You know what I’m gonna say.” 

Grayson’s breath hitched once, and then a new wave of sobs took over. He shook so hard that Ethan was convinced the entire cab was shaking with him. Ethan held him, willed himself to absorb some of the pain, as much as he could, anything to help. 

“If it’s the right thing why does it hurt this bad?”

“I don’t know Gray. I don’t know.” 

“I love her.”

“I know.”

“She loves me.”

“I know.”

“Then how is this the right thing?”

Ethan paused for a moment, holding steady on Grayson’s shoulders.

“What would dad say? If he was here with us, right now, what would he say?”

Grayson pressed into his eyes with the heel of his palms and sniffled.

“He’d say that it wasn’t fair. He’d be mad that I hadn’t told her yet, and he’d say that she’s a good person who shouldn’t have to give up on her dreams for mine. He’d tell me to do what’s best for her, I know that. God, FUCK!” He smacked the dashboard so hard that Ethan heard something crack. He wished there was a way that he could protect his brother in that moment more than anything. Usually, he could step up, take the heat, take the attention off him if he needed. It was one of the few times that he felt truly helpless.

“You don’t have to do it tonight. You still have a few days. Just think about what you want to say, and bring it up whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m never gonna be ready, Ethan. That’s the love of my life, and I’m just supposed to walk away? And what’s she gonna say, when she finds out I’ve been thinking about this for weeks, and I haven’t said shit, huh? She’s not gonna want anything to do with me. She’s not gonna love me anymore, Ethan, and I can’t live with that. I can’t.” His voice cracked, and Ethan’s heart cracked with it.

“If it’s meant to work out, it will somehow. We’ve always believed that.”

“How?” It was a plea more than a question.

“I don’t know Gray. I don’t know.” 

Grayson didn’t know how long they sat in silence. They didn’t need words, just the comfort of each other’s presence as he ran through line after line of what he was going to say. He had to do it then, there was no other option. He had to tell her as soon as he got back, or he was afraid that he never would. But every time he closed his eyes to think, his mind was flooded with her, a kaleidoscope of memories and moments that he couldn’t imagine not making more of. He thought of the way his soul ached every time she cried, and he couldn’t fathom how much worse it would be when he was the cause of it. 

He threw the door open without warning, stepping back out into the snow. It took Ethan a few steps to catch him, but when he did he pulled him into a hug, a real one, and pressed his face into his shoulder. 

“I love you bro. We’ll get through it. You’ll be okay.” 

Grayson always knew when his twin was lying, but he tried his best to believe it. The cold wind stung on his wet cheeks as he went back to the house, kicking off his boots. He took the stairs one at a time as slowly as he could, his panic growing with each one. 

When his foot cleared the final step, he saw her.

She was asleep, curled up under the covers in her New York sweatshirt, hands folded underneath her face. He just stared at her, tried to memorize every feature on her face.

He could have stood there for hours, but she stirred only a moment later. Her eyes peered open just enough for him to see the blue, and then they closed again, a small smile stretching across her lips.

“Come to bed baby. S’warm.” 

Every cell in his body screamed at him, tried to pull him back as he slid out of his coat, out of his flannel, stepped out of his pants. His brain called him every name in the book, told him he was pathetic, weak, manipulative.

But his heart beat just a bit slower at the thought of being in her arms, even if it was just for a moment, the familiar home he’d made for himself comforting enough to let him drown the rest out and climb under the covers and over to her, pulling her into his arms as he pressed his lips together and let his eyes fall closed.

[bakugous-bbygirl]

~Social media boyfriend~

Bakugou Katsuki x F!Reader

There needs to be more quarantine stories. Like come onnn we’re all stuck together anyway. That’s why I’m doing the public justice of giving us more fan fiction that’s current to the times. Please enjoy!

Warning: swearing. That’s it really.

Being stuck at home was really getting to everyone and it was pretty clear. From almost finishing your second year to having to do your third year at home. You didn’t even want to know how your hero course was gonna go. But now everyone is online all the time posting things they never would have if they got to go outside more.

You of course followed almost all your classmates on social media. Mostly twitter and Instagram, everything else was a little too much. You had your fair share of classmate followers so your posts were mostly pictures of everyone hanging out or weird selfies you took while half awake.

After reading one too many fanfics you opened Twitter to see a certain profile you liked scrolling through.

You have no clue why Bakugou had followed you one day but you figured it’s the poilte thing to follow back. After scrolling for an hour though you had pretty much summed up all of his account into a few words

Self centered music guy.

A lot of his tweets were just pictures of himself flexing in his mirror or screenshots of whatever his playlist consisted of with aggressive captions telling people to fuck off or listen to the song. Those pictures of his arms though. Ahh those hit differently.

You had a crush on the blonde since you started your first year however you didn’t think it shift into you calling him your online boyfriend and making constant tweets about him.

Nothing super obvious just the simple like “why can’t he love me back” or “when he learns I’m real it’s a wrap.” And on Instagram if it’s a cute photo of yourself your caption would consist of something like: “once my online boyfriend learns I’m desperate maybe we could cuddle” you know nothing weird or anything.

After scrolling through his twitter you found a old tweet that actually made you laugh. Like it was something actually funny. You figured kiri got ahold of his phone and posted it before Bakugou blew him up. It was a picture of Bakugou on his floor fixing his Grenade bracers with the tweet “he looks so cute all focused!”

You accidentally tapped the like button and didn’t even realize how weird that would’ve looked as you swiped out of the app. You went to your messages to text Mina since she always kept you busy durning these lonely days. “Hey crackhead you up yet? It’s almost 3 in the afternoon”

she replied pretty quick asking how you were and if you wanted her to FaceTime you. And who were you to turn down a chance to talk to your best friend?

After answering the call mina’s goofy pink face appeared on your screen while it looked like she was laying on her couch. “Hello!!” “Hey Mina.” You couldn’t help at smile how bubbly she is while talking to you. You figured her extroverted personality was put through the ringer being forced to stay at home. “Soooo how have you been? I see your keeping your social media pretty up to date with your creepy obsession with your online boyfriend?” You hold up your middle finger as you see her laugh “it’s not creepy. It’s the same as liking a famous person. You guys just don’t get to know who he is.” “Ooooo so he’s famous? That makes it totally normal.” You rubbed at your neck moving the phone from your face so she can’t see the Blush. “Well, kinda, not really, sorta..” you then noticed your phone vibrating that you got a new notification. “Oh hold up, I wanna check this.” “Oh no just ignore me as I try to find out who it is you love so much. I would really like to know someday” you waved her off with your hand going to your home screen, “you will one day. Hush up now.” You scrolled to the top of your screen to see your notifications and saw it was from twitter and it was someone wanted to message you, you played it off as Mina or one of your friends wanted to mess with you about a tweet you made early in the day or something. “What’s the point of messaging me when we’re on the phone?” You went back to the call to see Mina tilting her head like a bird “what do you mean? I didn’t message you?” “Oh, I figured it was you sending me something stupid on twitter. Lemme see who it is then.”

You opened twitter while half way listening to whatever story Mina felt like telling at that moment and noticed the message was actually Bakugou saying “what the fuck” “Oh it’s just Bakugou. Weird he normally doesn’t send me anything” you opened the message just as Mina said “maybe it’s him telling you what you tweeted was dumb or pointless? That’s normally what he does to me.” You laughed and saw he had sent a screenshot of a notification he got from you like a tweet from legit a year ago. You almost died. “Ahhhhhhh shit I gotta go minathanksforcallingbye!” And flat out hung up in her face. You couldn’t believe you were dumb enough to like the tweet. Why didn’t you notice? God you were stupid.

And what’s even worse you already opened the message and he could see you already read it so In a panick you just typed out some half ass reply acting as if you were confused “what? I didn’t do anything to you” you then texted Mina explaining how weird he probably thinks you are. “sooo Bakugou is mystery your online boyfriend and you got caught totally creepin?” You face turned red as you replied “I never said he was my crush!” “you posted on Instagram yesterday that sometimes you scroll through his account and read his old tweets. Get busted y/n.” You threw you phone away from you on the table and layed Your head into your pillows.

You were so caught. Almost all your tweets and posts from the last few months were you thirsting over this boy and showing how lonely you are durning this quarantine. You wouldn’t be so embarrassed if it was someone you were closer too, Like kirishima or denki. The fact Bakugou barely spoke with you durning your time in classes made it feel even weirder. How could you be so dumb to forget your one rule of being a simp. No liking old posts or tweets. Just saving the photo depending on what it is. That rule just got tossed out the window as you pushed your face tighter into the pillow. No way was he gotta think your cute or whatever after this.

The sound of your phone going off got your attention and you reached for it slightly hoping it was Mina with a way to get you out of this. However it was the dreaded online boyfriend messaging you again. “Don’t play dumber than you are dumbass. The fuck is with you liking my old tweets” You really didn’t have the best response so you came up with the best you could. “Mina had my phone. Sorry she was being weird.”

That was so dumb. You both knew good and well that no one was allowed to be around each other since this whole virus came out. Could this day get any worse? Yes. Yes it could shut up.

“Try again.” Was all he replied with but you could hear the smug in his voice. Like no way was he gonna not call you out for this. The only times he did speak to you was when he was being an ass and making fun of you. Or when he grabbed your hips and moved you out of his way. You always loved that because his hands trapped your figure so perfectly but decided it was better to keep that to yourself. You were fully ready to admit defeat. There were no more lies you could come up with on the spot. “alright look, I’m sorry if it’s weird. Honest mistake.” This was your last shot to keep your dignity after such a embarrassing day.

It actually took him a while to reply. You figured he was too busy to entertain your contuinus lies until you got a notification from Instagram saying Ground_Zer0 liked your post. You opened the app to see he liked the picture where your caption was you basically admitted you scrolled through his old tweets because he was your online boyfriend. Before your brain could kick you for posting that bold statement in the first place you got two more messages from him. He had screenshotted the picture and caption. “So gonna keep lying like I don’t follow your accounts” Yep. Mina was so right. You were busted. Nothing much was left to be said. You were caught simping on one of your classmates who was aiming to be the number one hero. Just great.

“You gonna reply or what dumbass” Here goes everything. No reason to keep your lies, nothing much to lose.

“Alright so yeah I’ve liked you for a while now, I don’t know what about you makes me like you so much but I always found you really cool. Your so passionate about wanting to do good it’s almost silly how mean you are to everyone. Your not all that ugly either so that helps or whatever.” You confidence found half way through texting him. Not like he could make fun of you to all your friends and school. He doesn’t seem like the guy. Right?

“Oh.” Oh. That’s all he has to say. What the shit. What type of reply is that! Here you are pouring your heart out and that’s all he says back! This was kinda worse than him laughing! You barely got a reaction at all! “So how long have you liked Me” you took a second to think of the least creepy answer, “I mean since the beginning of our second year, why?”

It wasn’t a whole lie. Like since you had liked him the beginning of last year too. Your heart was beating out of your chest. Your emotions were clearly a wreck. From anger to slight confusion and embarrassment. What if he used this against you for real? Like you could never live down how much you really thought about him and wanted to be around him. It was pretty clear since you layed eyes on him you really cared about him.

“Well, I��ve liked you longer so I guess it’s my job to ask your dumbass out”

“Wanna be my girlfriend you weird stalker?”

You legit couldn’t believe it. You rubbed at your eyes for a good five minutes. Was he being serious? Was it a joke? You couldn’t think straight your head was so fuzzy “OI DONT LEAVE ME ON READ DUMBASS!” “If this is a way to make fun of me it isn’t very funny Bakugou.”

It seriously wasn’t funny. You knew for a while he felt nothing back for you, he never liked any of your posts or made much of an effort to even talk to you when you guys did attend school. He was clearly better friends with Mina since she even got messages from him, even if they were insults you would’ve taken what you could get. No way were you setting yourself up any more to get laughed at.

At that moment you got a FaceTime call from a number you didn’t have saved. You had no clue who it was. Against your better judgement you answered figuring that telemarketers don’t make FaceTime calls. What you got was a grumpy looking Bakugou staring at his screen. You could feel his eyes staring through you. You wanted to throw your phone so far it wasn’t even a joke. “Bout time dumbass.” He was layed out on his bed with a black wife beater hanging loosely on his body. You could tell he hasn’t moved from the bed in a while since the sheets and blankets were slightly messed up. “Now tell me. You see anyone else in my fucking room?” You shook your head in a confused manner, what was that question for? “Okay then. So it’s clear this isn’t a fucking joke. I like your dumb ass. Now will you please be my real girlfriend?” You stared at his face for any sort of sign it was still a joke.

But all you got was Bakugou blushing. Wait blushing? Seriously. That’s screenshot worthy. “I..well..w-wait we can’t even see each other?” You heard him grunt as a smirk appeared on his lips “if that’s your way of saying yes ain’t no stupid virus keeping me from kissing you like I’ve wanted to forever now.” “N-no way! You’ll get in trouble! Or sick!” Your face filled with heat as his words flowed so confidently. Like he knew all this time this is everything he’s ever wanted to say to you. “Did you not hear me? No virus is keeping me from you or getting me sick. Just let me say your mine stupid! I won’t fucking ask again.” “Y-yeah! O-okay I’ll be your girlfriend!” Another smirk tugged at his lips. “Damn straight. Alright get ready I’ll be there soon.” After that he hung up.

“Wait what?! Don’t come! Hello? Ah shit.” You still couldn’t really believe that all this really happened. You just got a boyfriend. After accidentally liking his post. From a year ago. Wow. What luck! You opened Instagram to congratulate yourself by posting the screenshot you had snagged but saw that a certain someone had posted a screenshot of you looking all confused durning a FaceTime call.

The ass screenshotted you looking confused after he asked you if anyone else was in his room. You looked at the caption and it absolutely made you turn red

“Thanks for giving me her number pinky.”

P1nky commented “anytime! Get you some!”

You hate your friends. You do love them. But you seriously can’t stand them.

Thank you all for reading so much! Also thank you for the 100 followers! I appciate it a lot and it gives me more reason to keep writing!

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Can I just say that Habs “fans” who act like Carey Price’s contract is somehow patient zero of all this team’s problems drive me absolutely fucking insane? Seriously. Buckle up. This is about to be a rant.

Now. First things first. Is it ideal that the $10 million goalie is currently uh, not doing very good? Fucking NO! I am disappointed as shit with that and I don’t like seeing him struggle. I know he can be better. He has to be better. Obviously.

However. That being said.

Do I think it’s an incredibly stupid look to spend several tweets complaining about all the issues Habs defence have been having, and then also griping that they haven’t started Jake Allen enough for how he’s performing, only to then for some inexplicable reason state that the FIRST THING, the first thing that needs to be dealt with after the new coaching staff have had ONE GAME (and zero practices) to work on things, is somehow “well, the ten million dollar man in net is weighing them down, that contract has gotta go!”?

Yes! That’s stupid!!

I think that’s a very ice cold small-brain take, and not just because Price is my favourite of favourites for as long as I’ve been a hockey fan! I have reasons, dammit!! I put THOUGHT into this!!

Here, dear ppl of Habs twitter who will never read this, are some reasons why this narrative you’re concocting is dumb, and why management/coaching are unlikely to think of trying to ditch Price mid-season to fix the current problems:

1: Time. It has been one (1) game under Ducharme. He has been able to run zero (0) full practices on off days with the team. We just changed up a major piece on the Habs chess board — why don’t you give it a minute to see what fresh eyes and minds can do with this roster before you decide we are fucked? This season is fast-moving, sure, but there is time for us to ride out some little bumps here and still make a playoff spot in this Canadian division. Have patience. Do you remember what patience is? Dom is a new head coach, not a wish-granting fairy godmother. Chill. Do you remember chill?

(rest of this under a cut because I actually LIKE Habs Tumblr, and I want to be nice to you all by not making you scroll past all of it if you don’t want to)

2: Jake Allen exists. There are a couple of things I like for what this means for the Habs. Firstly, for basically the first time in his NHL career, we are not in a situation where if Carey Price is in a slump, we have to go “Ah, shit, so now our options are let his stats tank while he tries to get the groove back in net, OR throw whoever the poor backup is out there to get murdered while we plummet through the standings.... 😬” We don’t have that problem right now, because the backup is... actually good? Oh my god, the backup is actually good! Thank fuck! We’re not doomed. If I’m Ducharme, I put Allen in net for a few consecutive starts to put a solid backstop behind all my fun experiments I’m probably planning with the skating roster (to catch their slip-ups, while also giving Carey lots of time and rest with which to work hard on sorting out whatever his issue is along with the goalie coaches).

2b: Jake Allen exists and is competition. Hell, if I’m Ducharme, maybe I even play a little hardball and say “Look, Carey, I don’t want you to be an expensive benchwarmer, but if things don’t pick up soon I am going to start whoever is doing best and you will have to compete for that net.” Related to my last point, when was the last time Carey Price had to push himself to compete for net time against anything other than his own injuries, and wasn’t simply always the default starter? Has that EVER been a thing? Honestly as much as I love the idea of him being The Goalie for the Habs, I also kinda like this idea a lot because I think it could really push him to a higher standard of performance. Maybe that kind of high-pressure situation (given how much he thrives in the pressure-cooker of the playoffs) could be what he NEEDS in order to Be Carey Price again. Worst comes to worst, he doesn’t respond to that challenge, and I am very sad but the Habs have a good goalie in net anyway, because Hallelujah, Jake Allen exists! God, isn’t it nice to have Jake Allen? Bless him.

3: Money. Guys, this league is so broke right now. Seriously. Seriously. Nobody has any fucking money. The Habs probably have more money than most teams, and that does not help when it comes to offloading large contracts. Trades are a NIGHTMARE both because of the flat cap but also because travel is complicated (especially cross-border) but also nobody wants to trade within their division if possible because all your games are against them. Who in the name of fuck do you think is jumping at the idea of taking the $10 million per through 20-lots-and-lots-of-years-from-now contract of a goalie who is currently struggling, impressive past record aside? What kind of astral plane of fantasy hockey are you on to think there’s a trade out there for that within this season. Shut up. And no, don’t bring up the expansion draft, this post is a rebuttal SPECIFICALLY to the people who think that Price and his contract are the biggest problem that needs to be dealt with RIGHT NOW and first on the list of ways to immediately remedy the team’s struggles.

4: Spite. Specifically to piss you off, bud. You personally.

5: Knowing how to troubleshoot properly. Fellas, if my computer is running slowly and freezing up a lot, do I immediately decide the first step to fixing it is to crack open the chassis, remove the hard drive, and try to sell that hard drive to someone to see if I can enough money back to somehow get a better hard drive for less? No, dipshit. That’s not how troubleshooting a complex system works works. It’s the same with hockey teams. Ah, my star goalie is not performing great. This situation is deeply less than ideal. If you’re actually good at troubleshooting, the first thing you do is not “WELL. I GUESS WE’LL HAVE TO THROW THE WHOLE GOALIE OUT. HE’S TOAST.” The first thing you do, if you’re a smart coach, is you say “Okay, what are my defence doing in front of him? What are they doing to reduce the amount and quality of our opponents’ scoring chances? Oh. Oh, they’re taking a lot of penalties, and... oh, uh, some of this is very not great. Yikes.” And then you start your work by trying to make the defence actually work instead of running the same Pairs That Everyone Is Very Much Over And Tired Of, because your goalie is actually supposed to be your Last Line of Defence. And maybe during that time you give more starts to Goalie Who Is Absolutely Slaying It, so that when you start trying new D-pairs and they inevitably have some mistakes, it doesn’t immediately turn into an Oh God Holy Fuck moment every time, because that last line of defence backstopping them is solid. The reason you need to deal with defense first is because a) You know you have a reliable goalie (Allen) in your pocket right now if you need him. What you don’t have is a whole-ass proven and tested and practiced Backup D-Core you can swap into the roster in front of your goalies to make their lives easier. Fix your defense and it WILL improve your goalies, even marginally. Defrag the hard drive before you ask why it’s not working. and b) If you need to go looking for any new D-men to solve the issues, those are WAY easier and cheaper to find than top-tier goalies, and you always want to start any troubleshooting process with trying the simplest solutions first to hopefully save time and money. The better that D-core is, the less it fucks your team over if the goalie isn’t feeling themselves, because the D is going to stop more of those pucks before they ever even become the goalie’s problem. FIX. DEFENCE. FIRST. Then try to train your goalie back into top form. THEN explore your other options.

6: The vicious cycle. Guys. We literally do this once every year or second year. EVERY time Carey Price has a slump, this fanbase gets into a tizzy like the Bell Centre is burning down and he was the one with the matches. And what ALWAYS happens literally within the year, every single time? He gets his mojo back like he did last summer in the bubble and goes on a heater and everybody goes “JESUS PRICE!!!! 🙌” and is ready to name their firstborn kid after him. Until eventually that performance becomes unsustainable, and he becomes mortal again, and suddenly he’s The Real Problem With This Franchise once again. I know he’s the guy they chose to build the team around instead of a superstar forward, but oh my god folks. You’d think he was the only player on the team. Guys, I feel like fucking Sisyphus pushing a blue blanc et rouge boulder up Mont Royal once a year with this shit. This man’s entire career has been a constant seesaw narrative between “Carey Price is our saviour!” and “Carey Price should be exiled to Nome!!!!” from parts of this fanbase, I swear. Look, slumps suck, but for once we are actually lucky enough to be in a position where this team, for the first time in YEARS, does not solelylive or die by the inscrutable magical cycles of Carey Price’s goalie powers — because when he has to step back and work to get back into his groove, there is FINALLY a SECOND GUY who is GREAT. Honestly, given that the state of this team for so long has been “they will go as far as Carey Price can take them” and he has put in a pretty fucking decent job of it despite all of the team’s other struggles, I feel like it is owed it to the guy to be like “Okay, well, we have somebody else solid to fill the net right now, and a chance to really figure out our defence and special teams with this new coach. Why don’t you take a step back and work your ass off at trying to get back into the form I know you can still perform at, and we’ll go from there?”

Anyway. Some parts of this fanbase have been waiting for a fresh excuse to claim Price is overrated, washed-up, and to blame for all of this team’s flaws and ills ever since he signed that contract, if not since the start of his NHL career. Just unreal how nasty some of this fanbase is willing to be about a player who is ON. YOUR. TEAM.

Am I saying he is beyond critique of his play and can do no wrong and his contract is perfect? No! I want this team to have the best goaltending it can get, and I want them to kick ass and take names. The difference is, I still believe Carey Price is a part of that winning formula, and I also think Twitter is overflowing with idiots who just repeat what everybody else says. He’s still a better goalie than your ass would be if I stuck you out there to stop shots from Mark Schieffle, for crap’s sake.

“The first thing that has to go is Carey Price’s contract 🤪”. Shut the fuck up. You are actively making other people stupider by talking. Go eat sand. Good day.

[caffiine]

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS.  I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom  for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being”  but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back. 

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

 PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you. 

[hopeswriting]

Modern AU (Adult!)Arcobaleno on socials media though. While Flames and mafia are definitely still a thing.

Now I’m by no means well acquainted to all the different popular socials media, but here’s my humble take:

Reborn on Instagram.

He only has pictures of Leon first and foremost, with him in the background in one of his ridiculous but very well-made cosplay. Leon of course also wears the same cosplay as him.

He never shows his full face in any of the pictures, but just enough his followers know he’s handsome as fuck.

The artists/photoshoppers among them regularly put the pieces together to see how he could look like, but in a funny-and-obviously-purposefully-wrong way only.

Reborn loves them and saves them all.

------

Once in a blue moon he does post a picture of himself where you can see him clearly all dressed up and fancy, and then immediately deletes it.

But only after he’s sure it has been seen, so he can watch his followers lose their shit while drinking a nice espresso.

They try hard, but so far none of them managed to save any of the pictures before he deletes them.

------

Often there’s what suspiciously looks like blood stains on their clothes and straight up dead bodies lying in the background, but Reborn went so passive-aggressive with the few who dared to ask, everyone is too afraid to ask now.

Anyone who badmouths Leon in any way is instantly blocked. But only after Reborn ripped them a new one AND let his followers do it too.

*

Skull on Twitter and Snapchat.

He tweets the most random, out of nowhere, highly worrying things, that always sent his followers in a frenzy trying to figure out why the fuck he would think of any of this in the first place??

“aren’t you ever tried of your solid, rigid, restrictive bones? don’t you want to just be Luffy from One Piece, a rubber being that can shape themself in whatever way they wish?”

or:

“nobody ever tells you this, but the stress of picking apart melted leather from your burnt skin before it heals is VERY worth the adrenaline of making fire your BITCH”

or:

“is it REALLY illegal if you break in and eat the food but leave money behind??”

------

That’s just his Twitter only followers though.

The ones on Snapchat have the privilege to watch him stumble head first step by step to his tweets, and are actually very involved and active spectators that keep him out of jail, or killing himself, or killing someone else.

Skull, recording a video, halfway stuck in between two buildings: What’s up guys, there're these guys following me and trying to kill me, quick tell me what bones to break so I can fit in there.

see also:

Skull, riding his bike, both of them suspiciously wet, holding a lighter in his hand: You guys ready for this sick fire stunt I came up with?? If everything goes well I should only get second to third degree burns, let’s do this!!!

see also:

A picture of Skull lying on a roof, his arms full of snacks and his mouth stuffed with food, with police cars in the background, that says: send tips to make sure there’s always food in your fridge for when you need it the most. #midnightsnack #snitchesgetstitches #justsaying

see also:

A picture of Skull crouched in front of a body, posing, that says: don’t worry guys we’re just faking, but hypothetically, if you were to hide a body as quick as possible from here without being seen, what would you do? #hypotheticallyseriousanswersonly #hypotheticallythecopsaremaybeontheirway #quickanswersappreciated

*

Verde on Facebook.

He creates a public group with only him as member that’s basically his scientific diary.

It’s not really to invite intellectual challenging debates (though he’d be all for it if someone smart enough showed up), but he figures it’s in his best interest to make the world a less dumb place if he can.

It finds his public, though there’s only a few comments because god forbid you say something dumb or inaccurate and Verde fucking annihilates you in the comment section.

But like, in a teacher way. Like he’s genuinely trying to make you know better but he’s just ruthless at it lmao.

Verde uses a fake name and a fake everything so there’s quickly a running joke along the lines of “Imagine if it’s really the genius scientist Verde running the group and you just outed yourself as a flat earther lol”.

------

But what gets the group really popular is the in depth flames theory involving weather of all things they have to assume he came up with it all on his own because they can’t figure out to save their lives what the hell he’s talking about?

And it makes them question their sanity sometimes because Verde talks about it like it’s the most obvious thing and in the context of just about every basic aspects of life.

Cue the conspirators and their hot new take of “the aliens were among us all along and hid themselves as the WEATHER!!!” that instantly turns into the new popular meme.

That, and the transcripts posts of Verde trying his theories that nine out of ten apparently involves very unwilling participants whose life are threatened and sometimes they straight up DIE???

------

They think both of these is just him fucking with them and it’s all fictional. They want to think it is anyway.

They’re not so sure, but everyone is too afraid to ask.

*

Colonnello on Snapchat.

70% of his content is about Lal because this man is so in love and it’s like he’s a guest on his own account lol.

There’s the “Pining Hard” content where it’s just him trying to seduce Lal, to romance her and asking her out, and Lal brushing all of it off more often than not.

His followers are very invested in this “old bickering married couple type of best friends in oblivious mutual pining” real live action slow burn fic, and cheers him hard whenever Lal reciprocates the tiniest bit.

------

They don’t know the two are already together.

They think Lal brushing him off or flirting back but in an unmistakably joking/”platonic” way is just her being oblivious and not taking Colonnello seriously.

When she would just rather flirt back off camera because it’s her private life thank you very much.

Colonnello never tells them because he assumes they all know and just choose to be in on the joke.

Lal finds it hilarious whenever she goes through his Snapchat (with his permission of course) to find numerous messages of encouragement, so she never says either.

------

But one day she kind of just steals a kiss from him while he’s recording because she wanted to, and his followers lose their shit.

Lal laughs herself to tears and laughs for days.

------

The other Lal’s related content is the “Lal’s loving hours”, where he just takes pictures of her/records her doing random shit---whether it's her making a disaster out of the kitchen, or wearing three pairs of socks because her feet are cold, or beating the shit out of someone---and him doing heart eyes at the camera.

------

Otherwise it’s just him living his life and letting them in on what happens.

There’s a lot of pictures because he’s handsome and he knows it and he likes the compliments aqsdfghj.

Or videos of him going on and on about how energy drinks are really the best drink ever while doing grocery.

Or ranting videos about how bullets wounds are such a pain to deal with and showing himself patching himself up to show how it’s done (thanks??!!??).

Or him watching series and roasting the characters for their dumb decisions.

Or him commenting in real time an assassination attempt on him in the middle of the night in his own fucking home because the fucker sure is ballsy (????!!!!!!???).

It’s very popular too because of how relatable it is.

Well, most of the time anyway.

*

Viper on Youtube.

They have a DIY type of channel, mostly about fashion---what they think about the new products/clothes they bought from their favorite brand, their thoughts on the new fashion trend, their makeup/skin care routine and favorite outfits for various circumstances, or they’re often on live while going shopping.

(I just really like Fashionista!Viper okay.)

They play videos games too, thinking they’re being very good while being very average to not say they straight up suck asdfghj.

Occasionally do reaction videos too.

------

Like Reborn they hardly ever show their face. Actually they don’t show it at all lol. They wear masks to do their videos because a hood is not very reliable.

How do they do their makeup videos then you ask?

They use "volunteer" as models of course.

And by volunteers I mean the Varia qsdftgyhjkl.

------

They also have another very peculiar brand of videos that is the most popular one on their channel. The titles of these videos include but are not limited to:

“A Due Payment Of Yours Is Late? How To Hunt Them For Sport”

“A Little Bitch Doesn’t Respect Your Pronouns/Chosen Name? Step By Step On How To Make Them Shut The Fuck Up Forever”

“How To Efficiently Remove Blood And Various Others Human Residue From Your Clothes”

“Faking Your Death And Taking On A New Identity: Step By Step Tutorial”

“How To Take Over Your Friends Brains And Watch Them Prank Themselves ft. The Varia”

*

Fon on Tumblr.

His blog becomes known as a shitpost blog or a blog run by a bot when really, everything he posts is about actual, very real events that happened in his life.

Except he vague posts every time because he really wants to keep his anonymity.

He posts about the hardships of learning more and more martial arts and staying at the top of the art, and sounds like some dangerous psychopath.

“The body is such a fragile thing, isn’t it? It tends to break quite easily unfortunately. You’d think I’d know that by then, but I really need to remember it more often so I can keep enjoying myself.”

He’s talking about how he always pushes himself too much in training and ends up injuring himself.

“Everyday I dispose of them and reasserts my superiority, and everyday they come back and it’s really hard to not hurt them beyond repair.”

He’s talking about how he’s often challenged by other martial artists who don’t like him being the best and how he always has to beat them up bloody for them to give up.

He also posts about his family's live except it’s the Hibari’s family live, and he doesn’t sound more sane of mind at all.

“I made the mistake of taking Kyo with me on my grocery trip and picked on his tell-tale signs of going through a bad day too late.

But fortunately the shop is still standing and no one was heavily injured.”

or:

“It’s so heartwarming to see Kyo make friends. The brown haired kid didn’t put much of a fight but the one with the pineapple haircut has potential.

He almost managed to stab him that one time, and I can’t wait to tease Kyo about it. He’s very cute when annoyed and embarrassed.”

or:

“Often I look back to the day Kyo got his tonfa and I am always infinitely grateful for this not-so-easy-to-kill-with weapon.

I would like for him to at least finish high school first.”

Yeah it’s very often about Kyoya lmao. And no one knows for sure what in the world a “Kyo” is supposed to be???

An actual human being is NOT the most popular theory qsdfghn.

*

Lal on TikTok.

I guess?? I’m kind of running out of ideas lol, and I know very little about TikTok.

But I’m thinking she makes a series of videos where she looks straight into the camera like she’s on The Office while some bullshit or the other happens in the background.

And it’s not even always her friends or coworkers or Colonnello (yeah he has a category of his own lmao).

As far as she is concerned everyone who chooses to be a fucking dumbass in her vicinity is asking for it aqsdfghj.

------

Also has a “Doing paperwork” series, and the later at night she’s doing it, the more she’s absolutely fucking done with people not being able to do their job properly without collateral damage.

She dryly reads out loud the highlights of the reports and goes straight for their lives lol.

But as funny as it is, everyone is more interested in the very questionable out of context content of these reports???

------

Also does workout videos, as in she demonstrates how to do this one or other exercise, and if these do particularly well it has nothing to do with how people want to look respectfully at her body, of course not.

ALSO has a “Colonnello’s Loving Hours” series because you better believe this woman is also so much in love.

She records him when he’s simply existing---whether he’s snuggling besides her while they’re watching TV, or dancing in the kitchen while cooking, or cleaning his guns---while looking at the camera with this tender, content expression on her face.

*

They become known as the Weather Lovers because boy, do these people like to go on about their favorite weather. Some shipping might even be involved??

It’s how their community introduces them to each other.

Cue even more chaos on their respective socials medias.

Viper’s video of their first meeting is the most popular one on their channel.

*

Yeah I know, I didn’t add the Sky Arco ladies, but I have no idea what they could do. Pinterest maybe? Or Vine? Dunno, they’re all yours guys lol.

[angeloncewas]

dont wanna make this ask long bc i am tired and dont have the energy to be a well spoken (?) person rn but it probably will be long anyways, so sorry!! but like. as somebody who has hyperfixated on both idubbbz and schlatt (along with a plethora of other problematic content creators, i really know how to fuckn pick em!!) they absolutely foster a dogshit community, at least outside of platforms like tumblr, where like. you cant really avoid fandom culture like you can on twitter or ig, if that makes sense. on here, if you wanna post about your favorite youtuber, whether you tag it or not, other fans will likely see and if you say some bad shit, you will likely get called on it, whereas on ig basically only your followers will see it even if you use a hashtag and on twitter its like if you arent in a subtwt/fandom then you basically dont interact with any subtwt at all unless its an accident, ya know?

so like. i think what im trying to say here is that while ive met a lot of fans of both these creators, especially schlatt, who are great people as far as i can tell, i am also specifically on the fandom side of things and as soon as i step out of that space i realize that a lot of people who watch them are not actually minorities like me and my mutuals who can catch on to satire or who watch their more behind the scenes stuff where you can see them act like a decent person or even call out people for the things they usually joke about which just. fucking sucks. it sucks that, as much as i do believe schlatt is actually a good person (and sort of idubbbz, although i dont really watch him much anymore for a plethora of reasons, mostly related to the fact that i cant stand his jokes anymore even if he is playing a character as he's said before), he also keeps doing terrible fucking things and im really glad his actual friends have been calling him on it recently, especially after that jackbox video (which is a whole other thing on its own bc it literally seemed like nobody wanted to be there basically the entire video?? like as somebody who watched all the jackbox videos before that one, it was really fucking off in that call and the jokes were next level fucking upsetting), but sometimes it's just kinda like. exhausting. bc his community is already fucking bad now, you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that, which would be stupid to do at this point in his career. not really sure where i was going with this tbh, but i thought i would chime in on this discussion as a viewer of mainly schlatt, but also a past idubbbz viewer who is basically a seasoned fucking vet at dealing with shitty fanbases because of him and many other dumb youtube white boys

(also, note on that anisa thing: ian's main fanbase was definitely pissed just bc she does sex work and a lot of them are too fucking young or just too fucking dense i guess to clock the fact that he's putting on an act bc, like i said before, they either dont watch his behind the scenes content, or they do and they kinda just miss those moments between still trying to entertain where he gets genuine. that being said, a lot of people outside of his fanbase were also pissy bc anisa is a less than spectacular lady if you really do your research on her, kind of a bad person but it's not something a lot of people know about, especially since one of the few videos made on it was by fucking creepshow art)

sorry for the rant again, i feel like i do this every other week now and i apologize, you just seem to have the best discourse and i enjoy partaking <3 hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time you're reading this!

—🦷

Thank you for the input (don't mind the rant !) and I hope you have a good rest of your day too <3 For post length, I'll answer under the cut :)

Yeah, I get what you mean (I think ahdsufsd). Fandom as a concept is pretty... I don't even know how to describe it, but it's the kind of thing that I feel like white male Redditors would think of as pussy shit, y'know? Like the Ricegum gang isn't a fucking "fandom" they're a... well, a fandom, but they're not gonna admit to that. So when you step outside of a community like Tumblr (the queerest place on the internet TM) you come into contact with the faces of the fandom you're dealing with and oftentimes they're a lot less like you than you might've thought from the similar interest. It's like going to a Weezer concert and realizing you're surrounded by incels (this is a JOKE).

Satire's a rough topic because some people don't think it should exist at all. Like any words that can be directly interpreted as bigoted or problematic should not be uttered. I disagree with that, I think it's one of the most interesting forms of both social commentary and comedy, but I do see the problem. There are people who watched Filthy Frank (to take an example from that other anon) and didn't know or care what the point of his actions were (I don't know what they were tbh - I never watched him, but it sounds like he's a pretty decent dude) and instead read his jokes as-is. There are thousands upon thousands of people who aren't gonna get satire and that's a problem because if they're already bigoted they're gonna see people like Schlatt and iDubbz and whoever else as truly validating.

(Largely unrelated but yo, is iDubbz still going? Are the views alright? Is the adsense popping? Has he just kept going with Content Cops? I haven't heard about him since the girlfriend thing dropped.)

"you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that"

I think this is what's pertinent when it comes to discussing Schlatt. After the Jackbox video (for me at least, he might've been there before) he put himself at a crossroads. If he'd apologized, said "sorry, I took it too far, that was a mistake" - yeah, plenty of people wouldn't have forgiven him and plenty of bigoted fans of his would've said that the apology was just to placate the snowflakes on Twitter, but to the sort of in-between people it would've shown that he's able to recognize and reconcile his mistakes. He could've transitioned into content that's A) actually good (when I say that the video was bad I don't just mean in terms of racism, I mean it straight up was not entertaining) and B) less "edgy" for the sake of. I wouldn't expect him to go uwu squeaky clean, but he's already reeled in the bad people, so if he really wanted to foster a good, progressive audience, he has to do something significant to show that.

But he didn't.

Maybe for the sake of his career, maybe because he likes those bigoted fans, maybe because he just doesn't get it - I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know. I spoke earlier about doing what is right over what is easy and in the case of Schlatt it just feels like he really did take the easy way out. Whoever he is in his personal life doesn't change how he's perceived online and the kinds of people that are idolizing him for it.

(And yeah I saw the video on Anisa when I Googled her to check if they were still dating, but then I saw who it was made by and I was like oh well whatever avhfdfkj)

[logicalstansadvice]

It was dumb of him to like that post whether he did it knowingly or unknowingly. I don't think he is a full blown racist or something like people on twitter are saying but the post is from 4 years ago it didn't even have that many likes how did someone even find it like do they not have a life? It's kinda ridiculous.

Anon 2: I love your conversation, girls. Well, that's 2017, the year he did the knee post, at a time when people were starting to be woke. I thought it was ok to sing the songs, but I learned more recently that it's wrong. We have to see what he thinks today, having said that, it's a sideeye, but I don't blame people for questioning him because he associates with these types of people. He needs to start addressing these issues in interviews and clean up his ig. He's not the brightest person out there.

Anon 3: You know, I almost wish Sebastian was a serial killer or smth bad in any case. So that they actually have a valid reason to moan about. Not likes on questionable memes or songs. Ffs. Who the fuck cares

Anon 4: People are dumb. That is all I can say. Def dumber than Sebastian. At least he is working and paying taxes and bringing a contribution to society. What do these morons do? Moan over the internet about someone else's life all day long. So he's ignorant and insensitive. Big deal. So are 90% of the world's pop. That's not gonna change cause a small group of people scream on the internet after digging up shit on others. Like those are the issues that matter most. There are actual real problems in the world but these entitled trolls are too priviledged to be affected by them.

Anon 5: Would be so cool if I could have a power to glance into the future and see what will become of this planet, after all the normal people are dead and generation "offended by everything" and their offsprings are free to turn this world into what they want. It will be the crapiest place ever. But at least they'd get along. Although they may get bored since there would be no one to hold accountable. Seeing how they're so perfect and do no wrong. Would also be curious to see how they sustain themselves and the economy, their idea of work is being social justice warriors on the internet, while relying on their parents income even after they finish school/college.

This is what happens when instead of growing up surrounded by other people and kids, they grow up with a smartphone as an appendix and base all their existence on social media and online content.

Anon 6: I went on the shane guy's insta he has made anti trump posts and posted against police brutality and stuff like that. He doesn't seem like a conventional conservative to me. Him saying the n word was wrong but I think it came from a place of ignorance than prejudice. I think twitter people calling seb a racist for being friends with him is a stretch.

Anon 7: Well, I just feel too old and too white to understand. I've never said the N word, and I haven't bought new shoes in 5 years so I can support black and POC candidates and causes. But slamming Seb for sympathizing with a guy being called a racist for discussing whether white people can sing lyrics is just weird to me. It was an honest question framed badly by a guy who while imperfect has worked to move the needle for old white guys, and to attack Seb over a like on that post is so demoralizing,

Anon 8: I feel like some fans/fan pages are taking recent events wayyyy to seriously. Not condoning CA and racism but based on what I’ve read you would think the world is coming apart. Like yea he is loosing fans, but he’s also gaining fans. They keep saying why does he continue to screw up... well it’s not like he can change his past actions, he can’t stop people from digging up posts from years ago. To anons who say this is stressful, maybe stop searching for Ale content??

No one should expect perfect past behavior from a stranger.

💄

[knjnvrland]

Prank Wars - ch. 3

> pairing | jungkook x reader

> word count | 3.2k

> genre | college!au, fluff, smut, angst

> warnings | swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual innuendos

> synopsis | College can be a stressful time in anyone’s life as it is, why don’t we throw a little prank war in the mix to make it harder?

> fic masterlist

> A/N | English is not my first language, I’m sorry for the eventual spelling mistake, please let me know if you find any!

Chapter 3 - Adding Wood

“Dude please, you have to help me” Taehyung was at Jungkook’s place way too early in the morning, already bothering the younger one.

“Just let it go” Jungkook rolled his eyes, grabbing himself some cereal and pouring it into the bowl on the table. Cereal first, milk later, whoever thinks otherwise is a psychopath.

“I can’t! Someone uploaded a picture of it to the school's twitter gossip page and now I can’t go anywhere without being called a fucking tampon!” The incident at the party happened over a week ago and people were still talking about it. For the first few days it was actually kind of funny and Taehyung played along, but after trying to get a girl’s number and getting a no from her because of it, he finally decided he needed to get his revenge. “Beside that, you were the actual target, don’t you want to do something about it?”

“Not really.” Jungkook answered with his mouth full. “It’s not like she actually got me, and I’m not into the idea of fueling the weird vendetta she has against me.”

“But if she tried once she probably will again!” Taehyung finally took a sit and stopped his pacing, trying to convince his friend using a different approach. “I know my sister, she won’t stop at that.” That was a lie, he knew you were not really one to hold grudges, and whatever it was that Jungkook did to you had him surprised just as much as anyone else at how you reacted, but he was saving that picture of you for so long now, just waiting for a justifiable chance to use it, and this was the perfect opportunity. 

Jungkook finished his cereal and started to grab his stuff to head to class, with Taehyung always behind him, blabbering about the stupid plan. It wasn’t even that big of a plan, really, just publishing an old photo of you on that same twitter page, the old 'an eye for an eye' thing. He was only bothering Jungkook so much because Jungkook actually knew who ran the account, and had kept it a secret from everyone else. “Fine! Okay, whatever, just send me the stupid pic and I’ll make sure it’s up by tonight.” He gave up. In the year he knew Tae, it was obvious the bleached hair boy was not keen on giving up, specially on a dumb idea.

“Thanks! But wait until we’re all together tonight, I can’t wait to see her face.” Taehyung hugged Jungkook from behind, receiving a shove from the other boy’s elbow, and followed him outside.

You were all at Jin’s apartment that night, it was game night and your older brother was trying to establish some sort of new tradition. Hoseok was just finishing his over complicated explanation on the rules for War when you got the notification. It’s not like you used social media that much, but the appeal of the twitter account grew on you ever since the accident and checking the new comments under your brother’s picture became part of your morning routine and made your days begin at least 5% happier because of it. Even if he wasn’t the real target, that shit was amazing and a few of your classmates even stopped you to comment on it, the embarrassment of it all washed away quickly.

And that’s why you were left absolute speechless being betrayed like that by same website that made your week great. You must’ve been about fifteen when that picture was taken. You were going through some sort of late horse phase and had been taking horseback riding classes all summer, and on the last day of it there was a competition where you placed second. In the picture you were at the podium, still wearing your helmet with hair wet from sweat sticking in odd directions. You had a pink shirt that read 'I love horses’ on it and matching pink boots. Your smile was wide and your braces were on full display while you held your silver medal. The picture was cropped, of course, seeing as Tae wasn’t on it and you remember clearly that he took those classes with you and was standing right beside you when your mom took the photo. You looked like such a child, no boobs, no hips, ridiculous choice of clothes. You took your time growing up, being the baby of the family, and now looking back you could totally understand why your only friends were your brothers. You loathed that picture ever since, and was sure that you had destroyed all evidence it ever existed, but apparently someone saved a copy. Your train of thoughts was interrupted by a laughing Jimin sitting across from you.

“Oh my god y/n” he had tears in his eyes already, and the commotion made Alice scoot closer to peep at his phone and see what was so funny anyway.

At that everyone took out their phones to check what the fuss was about, and a big laughter erupted all around you. Your eyes laid on Jungkook, the only one laughing that did not have his phone out as well. “Why are you laughing?” You tried to ignore the multiple questions your other friends were throwing at you.

“I bet he’s the one that posted it” Yoongi stated and everyone could see the minute you started to shoot daggers through your eyes.

“How did you even get that?” Namjoon had his phone out and was sharing the screen with Hoseok, but only the dancer was paying attention, taking a screenshot of the page. “A few years back she purged that photo from existence”.

“Or so she thought” Taehyung had this side smile on his face and it took everything in you to not slap it off.

“It's not that bad honey” Alice, who was sitting beside you, squeezed your shoulder “It’s a childhood pic, we only know it’s you because we’re close, no one else will recognize you” You were still speechless taking your friend’s phone from her hand and pointing at the description with the photo. ‘Local drink thrower used to be a horse girl, let’s hope she doesn’t use a horseshoe next time’ and then, as if it wasn’t obvious already, they had tagged your account.

“They left out the best of it” Jungkook blurted out, and everyone’s attention went back to him.

“So it was you” Your voice was barely audible.

“It was Taehyung, actually, I just helped” he shrugged “and it could be worse, I sent it telling them you were a teenager when it was taken, not a kid”. Tae bursted out laughing again, followed by Jimin.

“At least it’s a glow up, y/n” your pink haired friend stated “you're hot now, it gives people hope”. 

“Hey, that’s my sister” Jin warned.

“And she. is. hot.” Jimin insisted, earning himself a slap in the back of the head from the eldest of the group, but winking at you anyway.

You could appreciate what he was trying to do, as well as Alice, who still had her hand on your shoulder. You had heard stories of similar things they posted about each other last year, so no one was really bothered with Jungkook’s and Taehyung’s actions, but it still made you uneasy. You were still new in college and already so many things were being spread about you. The fact that everyone knew your friend group didn’t help, and you hoped you could survive the rest of the school year, at least. 

Everyone’s attention went back to the game they never began, but Jungkook’s eyes were set on you. He felt a bit sorry, of course, but you seemed to take it okay as you grabbed a card to read your goal on the game, not bothering to say anything to him. Seeing you at the party he expected a bit of a bigger outburst, and when you barely reacted he worried he crossed a line with the stupid prank, but then, just as you finished your turn and everyone’s focus was now on Namjoon, you looked straight at him and mouthed “I'm gonna kill you”. He didn’t quite know what he got himself into, but he knew he was in for a ride.

A month had gone by and Halloween was approaching fast. Between classes getting harder, school work starting to pile up, and a few overnights already at the library, you had spent way too much time thinking of a way to get back as Jungkook, but was not really successful. That is, until you overheard Hoseok and Namjoon talking while the three of you were having lunch together.

“Wait, backtrack, what halloween party?” You interrupted the boys conversation.

“It’s at Delta Sigma’s again” Namjoon clarified “but it’s dumb ‘cause it’s not even a dress up party, they’re just using halloween as an excuse to get drunk again.”

“And what’s the problem with that?" Hobi stole one of Joon's french fries, having finished his. "We could all use a bit of fun before things get chaotic with university work.”

“The problem is” Namjoon stole it back and ate it “it's not a halloween party if we’re not dressing up.”

“Of course it is, if it’s on Halloween’s night-" before Hoseok could continue, and you knew the two of them could go on like that for hours -you’ve seen it happening-, you took your chance.

“Okay I’m sorry to interrupt but I need your help with something” you smiled big, the kind of smile that told them nothing good was coming their way, the kind that had your friends terrified of you, the kind that they could not say no to.

You ended up getting everyone on board with it, they all still felt a little bit bad about the photo prank, and once you convinced Alice -who never wanted to do anything bad or, as Yoongi would say, fun- it was pretty easy getting the rest of them. You faked conversations for days on the group chat, and you were surprised at how everyone was able to keep a secret for so long, but finally the day was here.

It was hard thinking of an excuse as to why Yoongi could’t be Jungkook’s ride to the party, but after a bit of bribing, Taehyung offered to take him before he could ask the older one. He still owned you, anyway, and he should be glad he was not the target of this prank as well. That being settled, you all made the effort of getting to the party when it was actually supposed to start.

“What’s taking him so long?” You asked out loud, not to anyone in specific.

“Have you tried texting your brother?” Yoongi was beside you and heard it. He wasn’t one to talk much when he was still sober, so the two of you normally sticked around each other, specially when Alice was as hyper as she was now, taking advantage of the fact that you got here early when there was still good alcohol around, and drinking as much of it as she could with Jimin.

“Dude, is it always like this when we get to places on time?” Said drunk boy threw his arm around Yoongi.

“You would know if you tried every once in a while” he moved away from the embrace, and Jimin took the cue and hung himself around you instead.

“Nah, only y/n could make me do this” you smiled thankfully at him, and was distracted for a moment when some sort of commotion took place at the room near you, where the front door was located.

You untangled yourself from Jimin and marched there without a second thought, and you had just spotted Taehyung leaning over a wall when someone screamed “Who hired the clown?”. And there was Jungkook, still midway at the entrance door, dressed head to toe as a circus clown. Laughter erupted everywhere around the room and you could even recognize Jin’s loud one somewhere behind you, but you were too focused at the boy staring straight into your soul. Jungkook had locked eyes with you and you took your sweet time smiling victoriously back at him. No words needed to be said for him to know that it was all your doing. Some guy from the fraternity came towards him and patted him on the back, and Jungkook responded by laughing along and making his way inside. You knew he was embarrassed by how red his ears were, and by the thumbs up your brother sent you from across the room, but he was a good sport and played along with it, taking pictures, getting in character and smiling along with the jokes. You were a little annoyed at how well he was handling it, but you already knew he was just that type of person and honestly, you could even appreciate him a little bit for it. You got cold feet a couple hours ago, when you were getting ready, and even tried to call it off, but Alice, of all people, stopped you. You would have felt horrible if he actually was hurt by the prank and the pictures that would go around after tonight were enough to satisfy you as far as revenges went, you didn’t need the boy feeling bad as well. Jimin snuck back beside you and pulled you in a commemorative embrace, and you followed him to the dance floor. Your mission here was done, now it was time to have fun.

And you tried to, but your plan backfired a bit when every now and then a girl would approach your friend group and ask for Jungkook’s number. But apparently that was a normal thing for him at parties, as Jimin had pieces of paper already with Jungkook’s number written on them shoved into his pockets.

“He wrote his number a bunch of times and distributed amongst us once last year, but I still menage to find pieces of paper with it in every pocket of every pair of pants I own” Jimin took a bunch out, to prove his point.

“How are you even friends with him?” You couldn’t hold back a laugh.

“What can we do? He’s a crackhead, but he’s our crackhead” he handed you a few pieces of paper and you threw them up like they were confetti.

For the rest of the night you’d have to stop whatever you were doing so Jimin could hand someone Jungkook’s number, but it didn’t matter because at the end of the day, he would still be known by all those girls as the boy who showed up dressed as a clown, and that was good enough for you.

After the party things quieted down for a bit, as everyone’s work load got heavier. The pictures of Jungkook as a clown still made a few rounds and became a meme amongst your friends, being sent as an answer to basically everything. He pretended to be annoyed at first but couldn’t really keep up with everyone and just gave up, you won. It was already mid November and Jungkook was not really thinking of a way to get back at you. He was a little afraid to keep adding wood to that fire, but his pride was a little bit hurt. And then, the perfect opportunity was handed to him on a silver tray.

There were a few of you at the boy’s place. Jungkook and Taehyung were playing videogames, while Alice, Hoseok and you were at the kitchen cooking dinner. It was a chill and uneventful Wednesday night, and you gathered just because no one had anything better to do. You were just  telling your friends on the new updates you got on the guy you were currently crushing on.

After Jungkook’s prank, you ended up getting drunk with Jimin and Alice and bumped into the same guy you met at the previous party you went at Delta Sigma, he was still bright eyed and handsome, but now he also had a name: Ray. Even his name was cool. You ended up dancing together and talking a bit, but never got around to exchanging phone numbers, so you haven’t seen him since. You had a vague memory of him mentioning his major was something related to engineerings, and one of your classmate’s girlfriend was a chemical engineering student, so you asked her to look around, but with no success, and that’s what you were updating your friends on.

“I could ask around to the guys, if he frequents their parties someone must know him" Hoseok said, occupying his hands with the peeling of a piece of string cheese.

“I don’t want to seem like a stalker, though” you stood up to check the oven, where you were waiting for the potatoes to be done “and maybe he’s not even interested, I told him I was in lit, he could have looked for me”.

“Maybe he just forgot babes, you were both pretty drunk” Alice pointed out.

“As if I was the only one” you teased back “but seriously, I don’t want you to go out of your way to find him, if it’s supposed to happen, it will”

“It’s up to you, you know I wouldn’t mind” Hobi finished his cheese and stood up to get another piece from the fridge “and besides, you’ve been so stressed out, a good lay could help” Alice glared at him and you scoffed.

“Hobi, not even the best sex of my life could ease the stress of trying to finish that damn Bukowski paper” You played along, as Jungkook approach the counter and reached for a piece of sliced tomato on the other side.

“Bukowski? I like his stuff” you rolled your eyes at him and went to get him another beer, knowing the reason he made himself present could only be that.

“Of course you would” you handed him the beverage and, while chewing, he signaled ‘two’ with his hands, letting you know Tae also wanted one.

He took it and went away for a second to deliver the drink, but came back to the same spot “what were you even talking about, anyway?”

“Y/n likes a boy -ouch” Hobi started to answer, and Alice kicked him under the table, but it was already too late, Jungkook’s eyes were sparkling with curiosity.

“So the ice queen has a heart, who’s the poor soul?” He was trying to get a reaction out of you and you knew it.

“None of your business” You took the potatoes out of the oven “and get out of my way before I throw this at you”

“You have terrible aim” at that, Taehyung joined Jungkook hovering over the counter “and look, Tae’s even here, I’m safe” you rolled your eyes and decided to not further the little back and forth. Hobi and Alice were already setting up the table and you urged the two younger ones to help and stop bothering you.

They listened, not really because of you but more so because of the other two around you sending them warning glares, and the evening continued nicely, with everyone even forgetting the conversation about the pretty boy. Well, not everyone.

> A/N | We're starting to get savage here. Have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are :)

TAGLIST  @w1tchcraftt

TAGLIST IS OPEN!

[killmongerkink]

11:37 PM - Part 3.

Summary: Erik and you meet up at an unlikely location. 

Pairing: Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens X Black!Reader

Warning: oral sex & fluff. 

Length: 5k

BTW: i really wasn't planning on continuing this series. i kinda fell out of love with it, but then i reread my work and it made me want to write all over again lol. i’ll try not to take so long with writing these next few parts :/. enjoy and sorry for any typos!

CATCH UP: part 1 / part 2

MASTERLIST

"So, who's that broad you been chillin' with?"

Erik's attention was momentarily pulled from the game as Aaron questioned him. Him and his boys had been in the house for most of the day, deciding to meet up and chill since they didn't have shit else to do on a Saturday. It was Erik's day off at Acuity Brands where he was the lead data engineer, Lo had pulled a double shift to get the day off and Aaron didn't know the definition of a job, so it was a unanimous decision to link up.

"Chill with that broad shit man, she got a name."

"Well you won't tell us her name, so what the fuck else are we supposed to call her?" Lo replied, his head still stuck in his phone as he watched some rap battle on Twitter.

"Y'all ain't got to know her name, just know it ain't broad. Have some respect."

Aaron gave Lo a look in which Lo returned, before they both busted out laughing. Erik sat back, unamused by the two men. They had been questioning him since they got to his crib about the new girl he had been seen walking home a few times. He should've known niggas on the block couldn't mind their damn business. It's not that he had a problem with people seeing you with him, he just didn't want others knowing about what he had going on or trying to get to know you. You were the only thing in his life that he didn't have to share. When it came to his job, he shared that with his co-workers and uptight boss. When it came to his apartment, he shared that with the few close friends he had. When it came to you .. you were his. Not in the sense of you being his girl or anything like that, but he appreciated the fact that he was the only person you really knew here besides your Uncle and classmates. He was the one that got to walk you home, take you to all the dope mom and pops shops and show you the hidden foot spots around Harlem. The last thing he wanted was you getting close to someone else because then he'd be on the back burner. No longer would you need him to walk you home and he wouldn’t be able to see your face light up when he showed you something new due to someone else beating him to it. He'd be damned if that happened. His eyes shifted over to Aaron doing a broke down version of the woah and Lo hyping him up, especially not these niggas.

Erik wasted no time pulling out his phone and searching for your Instagram. It had been a while since he saw you, a week and a half to be exact. He didn't hit up the gas station these past couple days because he didn't really have anything to get, and he could only eat so many donuts and snickers before his body would start paying for it. During those days, he kept up with you via social media which wasn't much since you barely posted. Neither did he, but shit ... he wanted to know what you were up to. He could've just DM'd you since he didn't have your number. The realization making him pause, why didn't he have your number? He was gonna make sure he got that shit the next time he saw you. He could see you now, being all shy and awkward after he asked and the thought made him chuckle.

"What's so funny? Yo' ass being all quiet and shit. You lookin' at titties?" Aaron eyed Erik suspiciously, leaning back and craning his neck to look at his phone screen. 

"Yo, you ever mind your business?" Lo quipped back. "Now you know E private. I'm surprised his ass even got us in his crib, you know he be acting like he got the secret formula and shit in here." Lo shook his head, eyes still glued to his phone. 

Since Lo had been cool with Erik before Aaron, he knew him better. Erik didn't like people in his personal business or space, close friend or not, and if you began to ask one too many questions, he'd get suspicious quickly. Everyone knew that, but there were some people that just couldn't get the hint or just didn't give a damn and that was Aaron.

"Y'all so sensitive, acting like my gotdamn momma. I just know y'all better change them attitudes by tonight. You know his girl Tae having a kickback and we gotta be in there.” He pointed towards E, a quick “she ain’t my girl” leaving Erik’s lips. “She bringing all her homegirls from her campus and you know what that means." Aaron rubbed his hands together, a sly grin on his face as all three men exchanged a blur of ayeeeee's and yeeerrrrrr's. 

The apartment was pretty packed when Erik and his boys arrived. Most people already had drinks or a blunt in their hand, some boo'd up on the couch while others played dice and beer pong. When a few eyes noticed their presence, they were met with daps and laughs. A few random girls came up, offering to make them drinks and they nodded along, not dumb enough to refuse being served. 

They all made their way through the numerous bodies, standing by the kitchen entrance where Tae was talking loudly to a few friends. Erik had met her at a party a year or so back, and since then she’d been around. He threw her one of his signature smiles, knowing that it would make up for him curving her for these past couple weeks. It wasn't as if he was doing it on purpose, he just had more important shit to do with more important people. She acknowledged his smile by rolling her eyes and turned back to her conversation. He stayed put, knowing that she was trying hard not to walk over to him. He was pretty sure she already dogged him out to her friends, hence why they were all trying to look at him without being obvious. All it took was one of the randoms to hand him a drink before Tae was walking up.

"Hey Neicy, the girls in there need some help. Would you mind?" Her eyebrow rose, silently challenging the girl to not obey.

"Uh, sure thing." She nodded, looking at Erik one last time before shuffling back into the kitchen. 

Tae turned to him, sighing heavily as if the last place she wanted to be was here. While she was busy putting on a show, he took the opportunity to really look at her. It was easy to write her off since she was away at school, but now that she was back for the weekend he was planning on making it up to her. It didn't hurt that she looked even better than the last time he saw her.

"You been giving my shit away?"

Tae gave him a confused look before catching onto to his comment. Her shoulders bounced, her drink sloshing in her red solo cup. She knew that he wasn't one that was fond of someone else being in his shit, something he had made known when they first fucked. Word got around quick here and since he hadn't heard anything, he figured she was behaving herself at college. Tae looked over her shoulder, pleased that everyone was occupied in their own little world and looked back at Erik, saying nothing as she grabbed his hand and walked him back towards her bedroom. 

Erik relaxed at the end of the bed, careful not to spill his drink on himself while he leaned back and rested his weight on his elbows. He stared up at the ceiling for a second, wondering what you were doing. Probably home, catching up on work or watching Netflix. Tae's hands made quick work of his belt and jeans, pulling them down to his knees along with his boxers. A few seconds later, she made herself busy by licking a broad stripe along the length of his dick, going back and forth with no hands. She craned her neck to the side, using her tongue to lift the weight of his head before his dick was sinking into her warmth. Releasing a sigh, he felt tension flow from his body and into her mouth. It had been a minute since he got some head. He wasn't one to just lay down with anybody, so he kept a select few around that he could depend on. One of his favorites was Tae, but that changed when she started handing out ultimatums. She knew what it was since the beginning and that he wasn't in the correct mindspace for anything too serious. All Erik wanted was a girl he could chill with and fuck, all that extra shit didn't interest him. When he was told "either you cuff me or I'm not fucking with you anymore", he took that as his hint to dip on her, but it wasn't long before she was right back where she always was - on her knees.

Erik wondered if you were the type to do that, force someone into something that you knew they weren't interested in ... nah. If anything, you would be the one getting pushed to do something. Your quiet and shy nature was enough evidence to prove that, but he did notice that more of your personality was starting to show. Maybe it was because you were finally getting comfortable around him, maybe it was because he didn't allow you to shut down and crawl back into your hole when you were with him. He could see that you were goofy as hell, true to yourself and actually educated on various topics. He was just waiting for you to realize that. 

His attention was brought back to Tae when he felt her by his balls, her hand resting underneath them and her fingers wrapping around his dick, holding the two together in one hand. Her attempts to deep throat caused his hips to raise on their own, his girth making it nearly impossible for her to swallow it all, let alone get his nuts. That didn't deter her from making sure to give an adequate amount of attention to all of him though. He appreciated her efforts and enthusiasm, her watery eyes proving that she was really trying to go all out tonight. She dragged her mouth up his length, a loud pop resonating in the dark room before her hand jerked him slowly, Erik's low grunts mixing with the sounds of squelching due to a mixture of his pre-cum and her excessive amount of saliva. 

The image of you replacing Tae's form popped into his head and he felt his body jerk. Had you ever even done this before? He wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't, but the thought of you eagerly wanting to prove yourself as you kneeled in front of him had him ready to bust. Your lips were always glistening with that damn lipgloss he would see you use every now and again. And he could tell you had a long ass tongue from the times you would randomly stick it out after saying something funny. Shit would probably feel like heaven.

"Erik, what's wrong? Why are you being so nice?" She pouted, sticking her tongue out and slapping his head against it hard before sucking it to her mouth, only paying attention to his tip as if it was a lollipop. 

Her comment made him freeze, looking off to the side and realizing what she was saying was true. Usually, he was rough when it came to anything sexual. He got off to it, taking control and spitting out obscenities. There was no time to be soft and sweet, it just made the nut take longer to come in his opinion. So why the fuck was he being so laid back all of a sudden? A part of him was ticked off as he thought about it, raising up from the bed and gripping Tae's hair in his fist, earning a cry from her. 

"Ow Erik, that hurts.." Obviously not enough since seconds later she was back to doing her job. 

Now he was annoyed. He didn't even know why he bothered coming in here with her. He wasn't feeling it anymore and he just wanted to go for a drive, maybe stop by a place that he hadn't been in a couple of days. But he couldn’t pass up on some quick head so he sat back and let her do her thing, calling her out her name and holding her head in place so he could fuck her mouth. He ignored her hands trying to push against his thighs and watery eyes, his dick staying in the back of her throat as he fed her, dick draining his kids into her mouth before letting her go. With a deep sigh, he leaned back against the bed and relaxed. Tae quietly walked off to the adjoining bathroom, the water running filling the relatively quiet room except for the heavy bass vibrating through the walls. A few minutes later she was back, a warm feeling casing his dick as she wiped him carefully, planting a kiss on his head when she was done. 

“You must’ve really missed me huh? That was a big one.”

Erik ignored her question, raising from the bed and setting his cup on the dresser before pulling back up his clothes, Ferragamo belt buckled as he checked himself out in the mirror quickly. He chugged the alcohol down, discarding his cup back on the dresser for her to clean up.

“You know, you could visit me at school sometimes. My roommates are always out so we could have the place to ourselves. I hate that we only see each other when I come back home.” She shuffled out the door behind him, huffing when she realized she was being ignored.

Before they could reach the main area where the party was being held, he turned around and backed her into the wall. She looked up at him with desire in her eyes, hands smoothing his shirt across his chest as she eagerly waited for him to continue. Erik knew the hold he had over her, he could throw her to the side and she’d still come running back. Some would say he was trash for playing with her heart, but Tae knew what it was and she could make her own choices. Since she was going to be around for a couple of days, he wanted to keep things between them on a good note. He was way overdue for a good fuck and wanted to hit it at least twice before she went back to campus. He looked at her for a moment, her eyes slightly wet and still red from her tears earlier.

“How long you gon’ be in town again?”

“Until Tuesday. That gives us four whole days to do whatever we want. I could come over one day, maybe cook for you?”

Yeah, that wasn’t about to happen, but Erik wasn’t that much of an asshole to turn her down so bluntly at her own party. He just rose his brows, acting like he was thinking it over before shrugging, letting her know that he’d think about it. As he walked away, he knew the only way they were gonna meet up was if he came to her place. No one knew where he stayed except for family and those he considered family, and he was trying to keep it that way. He really just wanted to know how many days he had left until he could link up with you. With Tae in town, it would be next to impossible so he had to play it smart. He didn’t want you knowing about her and damn sure didn’t want her knowing about you. 

The house party had got crowded in the time they were away, more bodies littering the living room and kitchen. Erik made his way through the few people standing in the hallway, head turning slightly to his left when he saw some new people that wasn’t there when he came. It was a couple of girls and he didn’t really pay them any attention until a certain one caught his eye. Her hair was down in front of her face, slightly hiding her from his view. She looked good from the side, not as dolled up as the rest of the females surrounding her, but that just made her stand out more. He liked that she wasn’t trying too hard, she was just chillin’. Oversized baby blue t-shirt, black biker shorts and some Jordan 1 UNC patents on her feet. He nodded his head to himself, silently approving her fit.

Fly lil thing. Ass fat too.

If it wasn’t for Tae on his heels, then he would’ve tried to shoot his shot. Just as he was about to keep it pushing, Tae’s loud shrieking made his face screw up as he looked back her, confused at her loud ass outburst. She told him to wait there for her and brushed past him, running up to the new group and wrapping her arms around their shoulders. He begrudgingly listened, hands stuffed in his jean pockets as he looked on. She turned around and skipped over to him, wrapping her hands around his forearm and pulling him over to where she was once standing. 

“Guys, this is Erik. Erik, these are my friends from school.”

He nodded his head and went to reply until baby blue turned her head in his direction, the room around him pausing briefly as his eyebrows lowered in confusion before raising in disbelief. 

The last thing you expected was to see Erik at Tae's party. 

Tae had invited you about a week or so ago, along with a few others girls from your sociology class. She was having it at her cousin's apartment, which was where she stayed when she wasn't on campus, and made sure to make all the girls promise that they would come. Claims of it being the best party you’d ever go to and not wanting to come off rude, you decided to go. You could tell early on that keeping up with appearances was a big deal for her. You couldn't recall a day where she wasn't looking her best or even seemed stressed. How she did it? It was above you. There were moments where you saw the real her, but they were few and far between. Whenever she would realize she was dropping this 'confident bad bitch' persona she liked to put on, she would quickly tighten up and go back to being the girl everyone knew her as. On campus, she was the IT girl. Guys wanted her, girls either wanted to be her or fight her. She was one of those people that you would rather have as a friend than an enemy for sure. So you knew you had to show your face, she’d feel some type of way if you didn’t. 

You didn't know if you should say hi to Erik or not with the way Tae was holding onto him. It was very territorial and knowing her, she wouldn't appreciate the fact that you two already knew each other. The girls all said hi after she introduced him, yours coming out a little later than everyone else's as you looked at him a little confused. Were they dating? He hadn't pushed her off or said anything since she brought him over and with the way she was going on and on about him, they obviously had some type of relationship. He nodded his head and mumbled a low "wassup" back, his eyes passing over your classmates before resting back on you. So this was why you hadn't seen him lately. He was spending all his time with her.

"You guys having a good time? Happy you came?" Tae smiled brightly, eagerly looking at you all and waiting for a response. 

"It's lit, your cousin is so cool for letting you have it at her place." "Girl duh and you got some fine ass friends, introduce me to some." "Hell yes. If not, I would've been stuck in the house being bored." Everyone spoke over one another.

She nodded her head, catching on that you hadn't spoke yet and looked at you, raising her eyebrow. 

"It's great." You smiled brightly. "I’m happy I came."

"Uh, I'm so happy you guys are having a good time. Well, I need to go make a couple more rounds. Someone here was occupying my time and I couldn't say hi to everyone." The smirk she threw Erik when she looked up at him had your eyes desperately wanting to roll, but you stopped yourself. 

There was no reason for you to be mad. It's not like you guys were close friends or anything. He was just a regular that you'd ring up. The same regular that made it a routine to walk you home from work. The same regular that had been introducing you to some of the best food spots that you ever could've imagined. You couldn't even begin to think about all the good food that you'd scarfed down in the past week. Either way, it was obvious that the Erik standing before you and the Erik at those times were different people. You could feel his energy and it wasn't the same sweet flirty one that you were used to. Instead, he had this confident air that was clouding over him and you would've thought it was attractive if it wasn't for him standing next to Tae. 

You all nodded and told her you'd catch up afterwards, your eyes not bothering to look back at the man before you started to make your way into the kitchen. A red solo cup later, you were perched on one of the barstools and listening to some funny story that Marissa was telling, or at least trying to. From where you were sitting, you could see Erik and Tae perfectly. She was sitting on his lap as she talked to some people, his hand on the couch armrest before she was pulling it around her. He kept his arm around her waist, his head slowly looking around the apartment until he was looking at you. Making eye contact was inevitable, since you were too slow to look away or play off your obvious staring. You gave him a small smile, the corner of your lip raising quickly before going back down. He returned it, eyes casting downward before he was turning back to those around him. 

The next hour and a half flew by. The company of your friends mixed with some of your favorite songs and a funny ass dance battle between some guys had you enjoying yourself. Somehow you ended up joining a group of people playing Never Have I Ever and you felt a little left out as everyone knocked back shots while you just held yours. The questions started off fun, but quickly turned sexual, making your lack of experience obvious when you could do nothing but watch everyone drink. You lied on a few, and laughed off others, all while unknowingly being watched. When you realized it was around 1:30 am, you decided it was time to dip. It was pretty late and you had work tomorrow, along with an essay to type up. You didn't want to regret it in the morning, so you bid your friends a goodbye and promised to text them when you made it home. 

As you got up and hugged them all, you made eye contact with Erik’s back as he laughed loudly at something. Surprisingly you didn’t spot Tae anywhere near him. You didn't really want to talk to him, annoyed that he hadn't spoken to you the entire night and instead decided to stick to Tae as if he was on a leash. It seemed like he was fine when it came to walking you home in the dead of night, but couldn’t be bothered with a simple “how are you?” now. You couldn’t even lie to yourself and say this was shocking. This wasn’t the first time a guy had ignored you around his friends and you were sure it wouldn’t be the last.

The walk home was going to take you about 15 minutes, which wasn’t too bad you guessed. It was late so the sun was long gone now and there’d be a nice breeze to accompany you. You had your little pepper spray if anything went down and a baby taser your Uncle pretty much forced you to carry. Exiting out the building, the lights from neighboring apartments and the corner stores kept the block lit for you. You were happy that you decided to get out a little, but couldn’t deny that being alone was ten times better. You could finally breathe and walk freely without worrying about bumping into somebody or vice versa.

After 6 blocks, you were starting to feel the repercussions of walking in shoes that weren’t broken in. Your heel was starting to throb, but you did your best to ignore it and adjusted your bag over your shoulder. The sounds of cars here and there weren’t out of norm, but you started to get nervous when you realized that one was driving suspiciously slow for no good reason. You hadn’t been paying attention so you had no clue how long they’d been there, but as you heard the slow and steady rumble of the engine trail behind you, you began to wish you had stayed at the party. Or at least gotten an Uber. Nonetheless, you kept walking and looking forward. It wasn’t until you stopped to let a car pass that a deep voice met your ears.

“You know I could’ve kidnapped your ass if I really wanted to right?”

You clicked your tongue, head shaking slowly as you recognized who it was. Of course it was him. With your arms crossed over your chest, you turned your body towards the car and slowly walked over. This was the first time you had actually seen it and it actually fit him, intimidating and sexy. You held back your smile as you watched him tilt his head at you, before knocking his head back, inviting you to get in without words. As much as you wanted to, thoughts of him and Tae together held you in place. They had something going on, you were sure of it, so you didn’t want to continue getting too close to him just to end up with your feelings hurt. You were also still salty that this was the first time he was speaking to you this night. 

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to Tae’s? I’m sure she’s probably wondering where you went.”

“Who says she doesn’t know already?”

“Based on the fact that she wouldn’t let you out her sight, I highly doubt that.”

Before Erik could respond, his phone started ringing. As he was going to answer it, he whispered a quick "get in" that you didn't obey. You could tell he was getting annoyed, but it was funny watching him roll his eyes like a spoiled child. The noise around you guys unfortunately prevented you from hearing his conversation, so you were stuck using your context clues to figure out what was going on. 

"Sup?"

"My bad bro, I had to dip out real quick. Something came up."

His thumb pointed towards the passenger seat and you shook your head, amused as he sucked his teeth and sat back. He stared at you as he continued to talk and you tried your best to look everywhere but him. At the stop light, at the LED open signs that blinked in the business windows, even at the empty trash bag that was currently rolling down the sidewalk. Literally anything to stop your eyes from landing on him. 

"Catch a fucking Uber my nigga, the fuck?"

"Not tonight. I got important shit to handle. I'll hit you tomorrow."

From your peripheral, you watched him hang up and stick his hand out the window, reaching for you. He was definitely trying to be cute, small pout on his face as his fingers finally brushed against your arm. 

"Why you playing hard to get?"

"I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out why you're so adamant about me getting in your car when I'm literally like 5 blocks from my place."

"A lot can happen in 5 blocks and if you don't get in, I'm just gonna follow you the rest of the way."

"That's really ... stalkerish."

"I don't care." He said bluntly, shrugging his shoulders. 

After some time, you finally listened and got inside. Deep down you wanted to hop in as soon as you saw him, but you wanted to see if he was gonna be persistent. His eyes followed you as you slipped inside, purse now in your lap as you protectively held it against you. It was being lifted off you and onto the floor with a huff seconds later, Erik’s hand pulling the seatbelt around you, unaware of how his knuckles were brushing against your breasts. He was too busy going on about how you shouldn't be walking late at night to notice. You stayed quiet, stomach now in knots as he tried to find the buckle that your thighs were hiding. You lifted up some, assisting him and trying not to overthink when you felt his hands on your hips. Finally he clicked it in and you were able to breath, relaxing into the seat as he took the car out of park and rolled up to the now red light. 

"So, what important shit do you have to handle?" You questioned innocently. 

"You."

* * * * *

taglist: those below are people that asked to be tagged, i saw in my notes on part 1/2 or mutuals :). if you don’t wanna be tagged in future updates then please let me know!

@hearteyes-for-killmonger @erikaintdead @chaneajoyyy @james-heaven-barnes @iamrheaspeaks @raysunshine78 @kimpossible1977 @twistedcharismaaa @janelledarling @thadelightfulone @thehomierobbstark @purple-apricots @yoyolovesbucky @journeytomeee @wakanda-inspired @l-auteuse @ghostfacekill-monger @hidden-treasures21 @eye-raq @enigmaticaphrodite @junesbride @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @werkoutbliss @imagine-n-shit @honeytoffee @michaelsgoldengurl @theblackblackwidow @destinio1 @eriksprincess @blowmymbackout @melaninmarvelgirl62 @savagescorpion @blackgirlreadsfanfic @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @vikkidc @maddiestundentwritergaines

[souvercine]

hey y’all ! i’m jia and i’m super excited for opening; i have two super clingy cats in case any of you ever need a visual pick-me-up, i’m a uni student in canada and a big skincare and dark chocolate junkie, more than likely gonna be typing replies while indulging in either jsyk !

tried to keep it short since i’m a rambly bitch, but xan’s basic stats and a proper wc page will be up soon as i just got home from grocery shopping and we open in an hour as of typing this, the theme as a whole will get a refresh eventually and i’ll be posting a little tracklist for her playlist later ! and if tumblr ims are as much of a nuisance for you as they can be for me, you can add me on d*scord at genuinely sick of this shit#2030 if you’d like to plot ! anyways, without further ado:

( samantha logan , cis female , she/her, twenty-four ) omg ! i was walking yonge street downtown , and you’ll never guess who i saw . xanthe lowe ! i just saw a post about them on sixsecrets ! i think it said something like “ when they go high, she goes lowe ! xan spotted leaving a gala with her former friend’s ex, after last week’s reportedly tense exchange between the girls ” . isn’t that wild ? i guess it makes sense through , since they’re apparently merciless and imperious . but i’ve heard they’re also conspicuous and astute ! i’ll just stick to giving them the benefit of the doubt . i mean , it’s not like i know them personally — they’re a famous socialite ! you know , i’ve actually heard rumors that redacted , but they’re just rumors … i think . i dunno . if you happen to run into them , tell them i’m their biggest fan !

tw: drug mention

when i tell you that i have so many muse posts i’m holding back on for this bitch —

which, btw, will all slowly see the light of day soon enough bc god knows i can’t articulate my muses’ personalities as well as i’d like so that shit makes up for it fdgslk

her parents’ eldest child together, xanthe’s also the oldest out of her and her siblings

also, never call her xanthe. friend or otherwise, don’t take the risk dklgsjdlk

grew up with a silver spoon, her dad being a wall street giant and her mother being an entrepreneur with a love for art ( so much so that her two partners after separating from xan’s dad were artists themselves sdlkgj )

thus she split her time between toronto and manhattan even before her parents’ divorce, she merely spent more time jetting back and forth for special occasions and vacations compared to when her parents were still together

mind you, she was probably still in the single digits when that became a new normal for the brat

basically could’ve been a main character on gossip girl with her reckless antics and partying as a teenager…. and now, even sgdlkf

drk how to elaborate on that, aside from stressing that from her teen years onward she’s presented her own take of a rich bitch, and is a socialite/fashion week regular type if i were to describe where she stands rn

i think a good mix of references would be nicky hilton meets the delevingne sisters meets blair waldorf and sabrina pemberton’s lovechild

she attended an ivy league at the behest of her father so he had at least one child who could take a senior position in his company simply to keep it in the family

.. before he realized what a Mistake™ it would be to put that responsibility on xan and now has her slightly older cousin as a backup instead GDSLFJKS but nonetheless !

isn’t the most studious person, but she somehow wound up graduating with a major in communications and a marketing minor

she reasoned that, with her reputation in the gta and nyc, she’d need the bit of knowledge in how to clean up her messes. even if she wasn’t the one who had that responsibility

though.. the entire time has been spent sleeping with some of her rich friends, drinking and smoking pot, with the occasional hit of whatever clean enough drug that one of her friends had on them

as of now, she’s pissing off her neighbours with her house parties wherever she might be at a given time, staying in the good graces of the media as a budding, fun yet classy heiress — despite doing dumb shit the second she’s inside of a gala or club

uhhh ik i had something else to add but a quick break for dinner messed that up, rip LKGFSJD

personality and shit

her little blurb on my indie is: refined party girl still set in her ways with her future left uncompromised; detached and pretentious, she soaks up the attention that continues to roll in

which. we’ve basically been over already lkdfsg but still

if i were to use a label to describe her, she’d be the sovereign

she’s messy as hell, but puts on the façade of a poised woman who has some fun because she knows it bodes well

she’s not a complete dick per se, but she can be snide and boastful

big superiority complex, independent and lives lavishly with reckless abandon

probably jets back and forth between nyc and the gta as it’s her version of normal, so ig she hates the environment if it means not having things go her way !

non-committal as all hell and will abandon girl code if she drops you fgkljfs

.. fr, she’ll fuck an ex-friend’s ex if she technically saw them first, so being spiteful and resolving some past attraction ?? right up her alley !

hence the choice of headline gdfslkj

keeps her true inner circle small, but gets off on attention and likes to stay cordial with some people, so she’s got quite a few friends all the same

she’ll fight tooth and nail to protect her image and won’t hesitate to throw anyone under the bus to do so/in retaliation if they screw her over

which happens to mean that her family is to be protected as well. fuck with any of her sisters ?? you’re done ! try to call out one of her brothers on twitter ? she’ll quote it with a single clown emoji as a warning

there really isn’t much to expand on tbh, though i will say that her emboldened nature and need for a good time however she can get it comes out more than her uglier side ( except her vanity. that’ll never go away ksfdg )

some quick plot ideas

a childhood friend or two that she made in either of her main hubs or through events she attended when she was young, whether they’re still friends or not for x reasons can be discussed of course

could carry over into a trio type of thing depending on where she stands with either of them, or they’re a different couple of pals she’s made in the last few years

enemies are always fun ! probably rooted in a competitive streak more than anything else but i’m all ears for a more complex reason

ex-hookup(s), current hookup(s), throw it all at me klgfjd

a hateship/ewb would be fun with her too, oh my god sfdgklj

it should go without saying that they are all relatively wealthy or well-connected kids here, but that doesn’t mean that someone who’s using her for their fifteen seconds of fame, or just to get some perks out of their friendship, is necessarily a write-off — not that she cares too much about fake friends, face value hype and knowing they need her more than she needs them gives her too much satisfaction fkskgls

an ex-something, open to anyone. either someone her parents forced on her to straighten her out that she wound up liking…. after a good period of her telling them to fuck off sdglk or someone she’d been seeing for a while at her own accord. would’ve ended the same way: with her calling it off because she didn’t want to settle down, not even for a relationship ( and perhaps bc she’s scared of commitment with her cracked family dynamic that’s been a thing since age two, but that’s another story jsdfkg )

[kayteewritessteve]

DT - Drunk Twitter 1/3

Description: One stupid drunken night leads to an uncomfortable week from hell. That only gets worse when you are forced to face the problems, that your drunken escapades caused, head on. Yeah, you are never going to drink ever again.

Masterlist HERE.

Word Count: 8,380 ish.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: PG.

Warnings: Lots of curse words, awkward moments, and a slightly frustrated reader. Little angst here and there, but lots of stupid humour.

Requested: Nah, this just randomly popped into my head and I ran with it.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

You groan loudly as your hand flails out from under your duvet cocoon, blindly searching for the hellish contraption that currently insists on screaming at you. It is far too early for such an ungodly sound, and you are far too hungover for this shit right now.

Your hand finally makes contact with the screeching little asshole that is your alarm clock, causing a loud smash to echo through the room, just from the sheer force of your flailing limb alone. And then instantly your room falls back into silence once again. Though the constant ringing in your ears, both from the alarm and your hangover, makes that last fact slightly unknown to you in this moment.

You groan, grumbling incoherently as you pull your hand back into the warmth of the little blanket bundle that has now become your life. You plan to spend the rest of your days just hiding in this dark little cove, and then eventually one day dying here. Which from the aches and pains wreaking havoc on you currently, might be sooner, rather than later.

Why the hell did you drink so much?! Who let you polish off two bottles of wine last night?! Like, where the hell was your adult?! Clearly from this day forward you’d need someone to constantly make life choices for you, so that you never ended up in this position ever again.

You vow in this exact moment, that from this day on you will never ever drink again.

But then you remember your best friend's birthday is in 2 weeks, and you groan loudly. Okay, so you kinda have to drink for that, but mark your words now, that will be the very last time that you do!

Your phone buzzes on your bed beside you, lighting up the dark little fortress you’ve created around yourself. And whelp, looks like you never plugged it in last night. You’re honestly surprised it’s even still alive. You’d have to write a tweet to Apple about how their phone actually made it 24 hours on one charge. You’re sure that’s something they’d like to know about, as that was a highly uncommon thing to actually happen.

You reach over to grab your phone, picking it up and bringing it close to your face, before hissing at the brightness and yanking it away with such force you’re surprised you didn’t fling it across the room. You squint your eyes as you fumble to turn the brightness down, and once you successfully have you bring the screen back to you. Directly in front of your face so your blurry, dry eyes can actually read it.

And instantly you gasp loudly, your eyes watching as notification after notification pops up on your lock screen. Your twitter is blowing up right now and a cold sweat promptly rips through you. Because oh God, did you do it again?! Did you seriously post something while stupidly drunk again?!

Fuck. You groan, unlocking your phone quickly to check. Because for some ungodly reason, drunk you always insisted on posting the stupidest tweets. Normally you’d wake up the next morning, hungover and a little closer to death than the day before, and you’d open your twitter to find all the ridiculous shit you’d posted about, the previous night. Usually all of which only had maybe a retweet or two, a couple likes and usually at least one comment—thanks to your lovely best friend. Her comments normally consisting of both laughing at you and calling you out for being a crazy drunk tweeter. She just knew you and your quirks far too well. It was seriously a problem.

But this time, this time was clearly entirely different. However that was just an educated guess, due mainly to the hundreds of notifications that you now had, thanks to whatever your dumb drunk ass had posted, which had obviously blown up. And now you’d be lucky if you could sweep it under the rug like you’d always done in the past.

Oh God, please don’t let it be another praising tweet to some figure head or celebrity. That seemed to be your go to favourite thing to drunk-tweet. You had this weird need to cheer random strangers up when you were drunk. This insistent desire to support and appreciate the people you idolized. Oh please God say you didn’t tag the person the tweet was about this time.

Your shaky thumb clicks the iconic blue and white, Twitter app icon. Completely ignoring the ridiculous number in the little red circle on the icons top right corner, as you do. You haven’t even read the tweet yet and already you’re freaking the fuck out.

You quickly make your way to your profile and your eyes widen at the insanely large rant, that’s continued through multiple separate tweets, and is now sitting at the top of your page. Your eyes skim over them all, in order of posting, and you cringe, truly and utterly mortified now.

‘Do you ever just hear of someone in passing, or see them in the media, and have this instantaneous deep longing emotion within you. Not a longing in the sense of wanting them, but entirely due to hoping with everything inside you that they find their true happiness one day..’

‘..‪That they wake up in a few years and smile, like truly smile, because they are exactly where they wanted to be. Where they deserved to be. That they’d ended up with every desire they had yearned for. And I’m not talking about material objects. I’m talking life goals and accomplishments..’‬

‪‘..I’m talking about the true important aspects of life. The things that actually matter in the grand scheme of it all. Well, that is how I feel whenever someone brings up Steve Rogers. Or whenever I see an article or a news story about him. I instantly have this desperate want for him..’‬

‪‘..to be happy. Truly and utterly happy. The man deserves exactly that, and yet so much more. What with everything he has done for us and this planet. If anyone in this world has earned their happily ever after, it’s that man.’ ‬

‪Oh God. You groan, as your free hand comes up to cover your face in sheer horror and embarrassment. I mean, at least the silver lining here is you didn’t make any major spelling mistakes, and you also luckily, completely forget to actually tag him in it. So those are both small victories, in and of themselves. ‬

‪But the fact parts of that rant had blown up, regardless of you actually tagging him, is a little disheartening. You’re pretty sure he’s either seen it or been informed about it by now. And even if by the off chance he hasn’t, you know it’s only a matter of time before that changes. ‬

‪You scroll through the notifications and you feel your heart stop, as all the blood leaves your body and goes—honestly who knows where it goes, but it definitely doesn’t stick around to be apart of this train wreck of a situation. You abruptly sit up, the blankets falling from your upper body and pooling around your waist now.

‪Tony Stark retweeted your post. ‬

‪5 little words that make you want to delete every social media account you currently have, plus move to ‬Lesotho or something. Never heard of Lesotho? Well, that’s exactly why you’d picked to move there. Because most people don’t really know it even exists, nor where to find it on a map. So it would be the perfect place to hide away, and start a new life under a fake name.

Yup, it’s settled. Pack your bags, we’re moving to Lesotho!

You don’t even have it in you to read Mr. Starks response back to your tweets, nor dig any further into your notifications to see who else may have retweeted this whole mess. God, what is wrong with yo—

Your phone ringing scares the complete shit out of you, damn near chucking the metal brick across your room, for the second time this morning if anyone is keeping tabs, as your heart thumps loudly in your chest. However, you manage to keep a firm grip on your phone, but just barely. Effectively saving the thing from an untimely death, thanks to being forcefully introduced to your bedrooms brick wall.

Though come to think of it, maybe smashing it would be the best option here?

You sigh deeply as you finally notice it’s your best friend calling, a groan leaving your throat as you then instantly realize that she is probably calling thanks to your stupid Drunk Twitter rant. You contemplate not answering for a second, you could pretend you’re still asleep. But you know she’ll just keep calling until you answer, or worse, she’ll just show up at your house and let herself in with her spare key. Then you won’t have the luxury of hanging up on her if her teasing gets to be too much.

So as you click the answer button and hesitantly raise the phone to your ear, you prepare yourself for your incoming humiliation. I mean, more so than your already currently experiencing. Which is both surprising and frustrating, because who knew you could ever be this mortified in real life? You certainly didn’t, but yet here you are.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” Lindsey’s loud voice mixed with her unabashed laughter rings out of the phones speaker, it’s so loud that you instantly yanked the phone away from your ear. Your headache coming back tenfold as you groan loudly and message the side of your skull.

“Giiiiirl!!” She hollers now, and so lustrously that you can hear her perfectly, even with the phone still being nowhere near your ear. “What the hell were you drinking last night? And where can I get me some!”

You grumble out a, “you need to lower your voice or I’m hanging up on you.”

“Awe, is someone a little hungover today?” She coos in a motherly voice, though at a much quieter level now, at least enough to warrant putting the phone back to your ear once again. However her voice may be softer now, but the playful and teasing edge to her tone is as loud as a freaking bomb.

“More like dead,” you mumble falling back down to lay on your bed and slinging your free arm over your eyes. “Or at least I wish I was.”

Her gleeful cackle rings out of the phones speaker now. “Girl, don’t say that! I’d miss you too much, and you’re fucking famous now!”

You just groan, not even remotely interested in what she means by that.

“Oh, and why am I famous now, Lindsey?” She says in a mocking tone, clearly trying to impersonate you, but in your opinion not coming anywhere close. “It’s so wonderful you should ask Y/N! Probably because your tweets are all over the news stations, social media and the internet. Even most of the Avengers have already retweeted it, most notably Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson AND Bucky Barnes. Ya know, all of Steve Roger’s best friends. But yet, no one has commented on whether the recipient of your beautiful drunken words has actually seen it or not. Buuuuut we can all assume he probably has.”

“Can we just not do this today?” You roll onto your side, your free hand now pulling the duvet up and over your head again. “I am in far too much pain and far too humiliated to be having this conversation right now. Can we please, for the love of all things that are holy, talk about something else? Anything else, I beg you!”

“Hell no!” She exclaims, you wincing at the abrupt volume change. “My best friend is famous! And all because she drank too much wine and tweeted a ridiculously sweet rant about thee Captain America! Honestly, this. Is. Just. Too. Damn. Good.” She squeals, “you can’t even write better shit than this!”

“Lindsey,” you groan, “I am way too hungover and under caffeinated for this right now. Seriously, I’m going to hang up now and hopefully fucking die.”

“Fine, fine,” she relents but you can still hear the humour in her voice, “I promise I’ll drop it, for now. But get your sexy ass out of that bed and meet me in the kitchen STAT.”

“Uuugh,” you drag the sound out. “You’re freaking in my house right now, aren’t you?”

“I am,” she says gleefully. “But before you flip shit, don’t. I brought coffee and bagels, so be a good girl and get your ass out here or I’m going to eat all of it myself.”

You don’t even respond as you hang up the phone, she had you at ‘coffee’. You quickly flip the blankets off yourself and roll out of bed. Not even bothering to check yourself out in the mirror because honestly, Lindsey has seen you at your worst. So she is entirely used to this from you.

You trudge your way out to the kitchen, seeing your best friend pulling wrapped food from a brown bag and you groan again, but this time happily. Her eyes dart up to you and she gives you a once over, a small frown on her lips now.

“Oh boo thang, you look horrendous,” she says softly, sweetly, as you reach her, and she hands you the large to go cup of coffee. “Drink this. Then go jump in the shower, you stink like shame and poor life choices,” she scrunches up her nose playfully.

“I honestly don’t think a shower will remove those particular smells from my skin. I think that’s just my natural scent now,” you giggle as you take a deep waft of the glorious life juice’s warm aroma, a content sigh coming out on the exhale. You bring the drink to your lips and almost moan. Yes, you are this much of a coffee nut. You take a few generous gulps then stumble over to the counter stools and plop down. “But a shower does sounds like a good plan,” you nod, the cup staying close to your mouth for quick and easy access.

She hums in agreement, nodding as she hands you a wrapped up bagel. “So, should we talk about what caused you to want to get ‘Sappy Drunk Tweets’ wasted last night or?”

You sigh, “I just had a shit day at work. My boss was a raging asshole, yet again.” You shake your head, “but what’s new?”

“I can not stand that evil little man!” Your friend growls. “You seriously need to find a new job, Y/N. You can’t keep working for that piece of shit anymore. And I honestly don’t think your poor liver can take much more of these semi frequent beatings. Somethings gotta change.”

“I know, I know,” you nod, “I’ve been searching for something else, but there just isn’t many available jobs at the moment. But I’m hopeful I’ll find something soon.” You take another large gulp of the sweet, sweet liquid gold, feeling as the warmth radiates throughout your whole body, as your brain slowly begins to rejoin the land of the living.

It’s been a few days since your stupid drunken escapades on Twitter, and a few days since Lindsey visited. You both had enjoyed your coffee and bagels, talking about everything and nothing. Luckily she had kept the drunk tweet talk to a minimum, like she promised. And once you were all done that, Lindsey headed off to work and you hopped in the shower, before spending the entire day on your couch, watching movies and pointedly ignoring your phone. Or rather, the never ending string of notifications on said phone.

So now you’ve been basically hiding out since then, only leaving your house to go to work or to make a quick trip to the store down the block from your apartment. The stupid tweets are still blowing up, people are still retweeting them and talking about them.

You’d hoped this would have all blown over by now, that something else ridiculous would have come along and stolen everyone's attention. But alas, you aren’t that lucky. Because not a damn thing is going on in the world right now, obviously, as everyone is still very much hung up on your whole embarrassing sap fest.

So much so that you are being recognized now as the ‘Steve Tweet Woman’. Which is just fucking outstanding—ha! not!

News outlets, websites and talk shows have been blowing up your phone and email, asking for comments or to set up interviews. Wanting to know if anyone from Steve’s camp has reached out to you, or if you’ve been invited to the tower to meet the team. Also asking if you and the Avengers are now friends, or at the very least acquaintances. And those are just a few of the things they are asking you. Honestly, those are the least ridiculous questions—which is freaking sad.

So leaving your house has become a damn chore now, you have to wear a full disguise just in the hopes no one recognizes you. This is not what you wanted at all. Shit, you don’t even know what you wanted from making that tweet, but this for sure was not it. Not even close.

You’d avoided Twitter along with all your social media playforms since that dreadful morning, as well. You were just too overwhelmed with all the notifications and messages you’d been receiving ever since. Far too many to ever read, let alone even keep up with. Nor did you want to see what any of them actually said.

You sigh, trying to focus back on your computer monitor. You were currently at work, hiding out in your cubicle and keeping your head down.

At the moment you worked as a writer for a news and entertainment website, much like Buzzfeed but nowhere near as large or well known—And I know! Ironic right? Uuuugh! Your damn life was just such a joke.

Your cubicle neighbour, Tyler, springs up over your divider wall. His arms resting on the top as his chin sits on them, a small frown on his face. So this obviously isn’t going to be good.

“Do I even want to know?” You ask quietly before he can utter a word.

He sighs, “probably not. But sadly you kinda have to know.”

“Okay,” you spun slightly in your chair to face him fully. “I’m ready, lay it on me.”

“The boss saw your tweets,” he starts and you wince in embarrassment. “He messaged me as your email keeps sending his messages back undelivered. So you should probably check into that, but first, he wants to see you in his office.”

You groan, dropping your forehead onto your desk with a thud, “my email has been so swamped the last few days that I shut down the receiver.”

“Understandable,” he says quietly, and you can hear that the frown is still present on his face.

“Does he want to see me now?” You peek up at him.

He nods, “yeah, said it was urgent.”

“Shit,” you mumble and sit up, grabbing a notebook and pen quickly as you stand from your chair. “Well, wish me luck, hopefully he doesn’t just fire me the second I walk through the door.”

Tyler shakes his head, “he’d be an even bigger idiot than we all currently think he is, if he did that. Don’t sweat it, at worst he’ll probably just throw a tantrum and give you a slap on the wrist.”

“On second thought, I think I’ll just quit instead,” you say playfully as you walk out of your cubicle. Hearing Tyler’s deep chuckle behind you as you do.

“But then who will keep me entertained everyday?”

“You’ll find someone,” you giggle, shrugging. “My replacement, most likely. Though sadly they will never be as awesome as me!”

“Ain’t that the truth,” he agrees as he lowers back down into his chair and you continue on towards your bosses office.

A moment later you find yourself standing outside of his closed door, notepad clutched to your chest. You have no idea what this impromptu meeting will be about, but you can only assume it has something to do with your stupid drunken posts.

You take a deep breath in, raising your fist up to knock on the door. And a moment later hearing a muffled and authoritative, “enter.” God, he really was just such an entitled asshole.

You open the door and peek your head in, “you wanted to see me, Sir?”

He glances up and nods, “ah, Y/N. Yes, come in.”

You quickly open the door and make your way into his office, closing the door and then hastily moving to stand in front of him.

He interlocks his fingers together and rests his hands on his desk, just staring at you. “Why isn’t your email working?”

“Oh, uh,” you shift awkwardly in your spot. “I um, I shut it off for a bit.” You nod, “just till I could get caught up on the emails I already have.”

He raises a brow at you, “your email is being swamped with messages, I take it?”

You nod again, “ah yes, Sir.”

“Does that have anything to do with the tweets you sent out last week?”

You almost groan, almost, but manage to contain it. “It—it does, Sir.”

He nods, glancing to his monitor, “now normally, foolish shenanigans such as this would be grounds for termination. And I was going to fire you for the embarrassment you’ve brought on this company, but I had a change of heart. So you won’t be losing your position just yet.”

You nod slowly, wishing you could give this idiot a piece of your mind. But your need to pay bills and have a job forces you to bite your tongue. “Oh, um, thank you, Sir.”

“But,” he flicks his beady eyes back to you, “you will have to make this up to me.”

You almost gulp, what the hell does that even mean?! “Um, how,” you clear your throat, “how exactly would you like me to do that?”

He leans back in his chair, a smirk on his lips. One that instantly causes a chill to run down your spin, and this time you do gulp. “There is a press conference in 3 days. You are going to attend it on behalf of our website.”

You nod, following along so far, and honestly this doesn’t sound so bad. Getting to be at a conference first hand is a huge accomplishment. Being trusted enough to be the one present is a big deal in this company. Normally only seasoned writers get to attend such functions.

Yet, something about this feels...off. Like there is a shoe about to drop nearby and you can’t shake that thought. “Okay, um of course, Sir. But what is the press release for, exactly?”

His smirk grows into a full blown grin and your heart rate picks up instantly because of it. “I’m so glad you should ask,” he nods, “It's a press conference for the Avengers. They are opening their new facility and are holding a press junket to cut the rope and answer some questions.”

And instantly you choke on air, no joke, then coughing a few times to clear your airway. Because oh fuck. Fuckity fucking fuck fuck. Why you?! Why does life always do this to you?!

“Um, Sir,” you start quietly once you stop coughing. “I don’t um—this is not to say that I’m not completely honoured that you’d choose me for this job. But uh, I really don’t think it’s a good idea to send me to this. Not with everything currently going on, at least.” You swallow thickly, your hands turning clammy as your nerves pick up. “There, ah, there has to be someone more qualified to send to this event. Ya know, someone other than me.”

He shakes his head, “there isn’t. And even if there was, I can’t send anyone else. You were specifically asked for by name, we weren’t even originally supposed to attend this press release. Only larger media outlets were invited.” He opens his top drawer in his desk and pulls out an access pass on a lanyard, holding it out to you. You gingerly step forward to take it then take a few hasty steps back once it’s in your grasp. “You were the only one invited, and were given an all access pass for the whole event.”

You gaped at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open as you glance between your boss and the press pass currently in your hand. “But ah,” you shake your head, “why me?”

He shrugs, “probably because of those silly posts you made. You clearly caught someone's attention. So get to work, you have a press conference to prepare for,” he dismisses you with a wave of his hand.

But you just stay firmly planted in your spot, “Sir, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Oh but it is.” His eyes shoot to you and narrow, “so you either attend that conference or I’ll fire you. We are making the most out of your blunder here, don’t mess this up. You only have one shot at this, and I expect the article from this to not only be outstanding, but also on my desk Monday morning. This is the break our website needs, but if you aren’t willing to pull your weight and fix your mistakes, then we don’t have a place here for you anymore. So it’s your choice, Miss Y/L/N.”

You sigh defeatedly, and nod, “okay, I’ll do it.”

“I figured you would,” he nods once then turns back to his computer screen. “Close the door behind you.”

You nod, spinning on your heels and exit the room. Shutting the door softly behind you like he’d asked and then heading back to your desk to start preparing for this press conference.

But all you can think about is how truly mortifying this whole week has already been. And it’s clearly only going to get worse from here on out. How do you get yourself into these things? Now someone from the Avengers team has specifically requested that you be there. Great.

Were they planning to embarrass you further? Were they going to make a mockery of you because of a stupid drunken mistake? Were you going to regret accepting this article instead of just quitting?

You glance down at the press pass in your hand and sigh, there is no way to know currently just how this will all play out. But sadly, you’ll be finding out the answers to your questions soon enough. And in a little less than 3 days, at that.

You stand in front of your full length mirror—wearing the seventeenth outfit you’ve tried on so far this morning—and trying desperately to find faults with it. In all honesty, all the outfits you’ve tried on had looked perfectly fine and would have worked. But you were determined to stall, to waste as much time on pointless outfit changes as you could, so that you didn’t have to face your reality.

That reality being that today was the day, today was the Avengers press conference at the new facility. And oh God, how you really did not want to have to do this today.

I mean, the moon wasn’t in the right placement. Nor was Jupiter currently aligned. And your horoscope had warned you about ‘life changing events should you venture out of your box.’ And you could only assume said life changing events weren’t going to be good ones, and this was very much venturing outside of your box. Plus like, you just had this strange gut feeling, something deep inside you telling you that something was going to happen today—And one should always trust their gut in true times of crisis.

So really, that was all to say that this was a horrible idea, and you should probably just stay home. Yeah, it’s settled then, you’ll stay home. That was a much smarter plan for sure.

Your hired car pulls up to the large, intimidating steel and glass structure and you instantly feel like you’re going to puke. And if the hired car didn’t charge you your first born for doing just that, you’d gladly probably have puked in this exact moment. It comes to a stop and you thank the driver before collecting up your belongings and climbing out.

Glancing around you notice a bunch of people hanging about, some with large camera’s around their necks, others with microphones. But all are wearing various passes, some look similar to yours, however none match it entirely. Your hand grabs on to the pass around your neck and pulls it away from your body to examine it more closely.

Yeah, yours is the only one like it, that you can currently see. Which yeah, that’s extremely odd, for sure. You release the pass, letting it fall back to your chest and head towards the check in booth, just wanting to get this all over with so you can promptly go home and die of humiliation in your bed. Alone and away from the world.

You give one of the ladies at the table your full name and instantly notice a wicked smirk appear upon her lips as she hears it. Which honestly can’t be a good sign for what’s to come. No, this is a sign you should probably just leave now. The universe is clearly trying to warn you, but your dumb, job needing ass can’t leave. No matter how much you desperately want to.

She hands you a map, pointing to the location where you will be standing for the conference. Then she points behind herself, in the direction you are to head and you mumble a quick thank you before heading the way she showed you.

As you make your way to the location, you continuously glance between the map in your hands and the area around you. The last thing you need right now is to get lost on this insanely large property, and end up missing the press release all together. Oh God, your boss would pitch a fit if that happened.

Your heels click on the cement ground, thankful you aren’t trudging it through grass at the moment. Heels and grass do not mix, and with your luck you’d probably end up twisting an ankle or snapping a heel. And the last thing you want right now is to draw unwanted attention to yourself. Ya know, more so than you already have.

You glance down at the outfit you’d finally begrudgingly decided on, choosing to stick to basic shades to help you blend in a little better. No fancy or colourful prints or shades today. No, blacks and whites was what you went with. Hoping that most of the other press members would be dressed similarly. And with one glance around you, that hope actually came true.

You’d decided to go with a black pleather pencil skirt, that was form fitting but also flattering to all your softer areas. With a long sleeve white shirt tucked into it, and simple black pumps. It was a pretty basic look, but that’s exactly what you were going for. You wanted to blend in, praying none of the Avengers or press would even noticed you, let alone figured out you were the drunken Twitter tweeter.

God, doesn’t that just sound so stupid? The ‘Twitter tweeter’. Just ridiculous. And to think, this is your life now! This is who you are now. Seriously, the next time you drink, you are going to leave your phone at work. As you clearly can’t be trusted with it when you’re intoxicated.

As you make your way closer to the spot the nice lady had shown you, you realize that you are the only one in this location. All the other press are further down, in front of the stage, whereas your place is off to the side. It has a perfect view of the stage, but there is nothing and no one to hide behind.

You halt your steps, and even though it’s a beautiful sunny day, you feel a cold sweat come on. Are they segregating you? Are they going to make an example out of you? Or treat you like some circus clown?

You know these thoughts are ridiculous, these are world heroes we’re talking about here. Good people who put their lives on the line everyday for everyone else. But maybe they are going to force you into speaking to the press, maybe they are going to use you for good PR. Your stupid tweets are the hot topic at the moment, everyone is wanting the inside scoop on you, your life and your possible new affiliation with the mighty team.

But being in the spotlight isn’t your thing, you like to be unknown, anonymous. Just another face in the crowd. And if this is an ambush, then take you the fuck off that sign up list. You are not interested in this being spun around on you. Fuck that.

You turn on your heel and head back to the main press area, you’d just hide out there amongst all the other reporters and journalists. At least you could hang in the back and keep your head down while you take notes.

You might be overthinking this. Or be acting a little too irrational at the moment. But cut yourself some slack, this week has been hellish and overwhelming, to say the least. And your poor frazzled mind is in overdrive mode, overthinking the smallest things and making you a bit of a basket case. Clearly you don’t handle stressors like this very well. That’s obviously a flaw of yours, but one you very much do not plan on addressing today. Or ever, maybe. But definitely not here and now.

You reach the main press area and tuck yourself into a back row chair, lowering your large black purse onto the ground and digging through it to grab your notebook, recorder, pens and your phone. You’d record the whole press release, taking notes and photos here and there. Then when it was all over you planned to hightail it out of here, long before anyone noticed you. Hopefully. That was the plan anyways.

You glance around, noticing a few nearby press members staring intently at you. God, you hope none of them cause a scene and point you out. You quickly glance up at the stage, seeing that it is still empty and none of the team is up there yet. So you drop your eyes down and decide to just doodle in your notebook till the junket begins.

Time seems to be ticking along at an alarmingly slow pace. Probably just because you are so desperate for this to all be over, therefore it’s doing the opposite now. The minutes currently feeling like hours to you.

Finally, after weeks of waiting—at least you swear it’s been that long. You hear commotion up on the stage, and notice as everyone around you is seated now, taking photos. You grab your phone and flick your eyes up to the stage, seeing the mighty group of heroes slowly ascending the stairs and fanning out on the platform.

You snap a few shots and then prepare your recorder, hitting the button to start it once Tony Stark makes his way to the microphone. You balance the recorder on your left leg, your notebook open on your light and pen at the ready. Your phone sitting in between both legs, fully charged, set to silent and camera app open.

The conference starts with Tony doing a speech, thanking everyone for being here and just general PR stuff. You are sort of paying attention, but also not. You know that you can always listen to the recording later if you miss any part of this conference, so there isn’t a huge weight on you to be fully listening currently.

So instead, you get lost in your own mind, continuing to berate and chide yourself for your horrible life choices. Ya know, all the ones that led up to this very moment. You keep your eyes down for most of the event, only glancing up periodically to snap a few more photos here and there. But then they flick back down to continue doodling in your notebook.

On the plus side, the grassy, flowery meadow you have been drawing this whole time is looking wonderful. Even if it’s only in all blue and black pen ink. But focusing on this is better than possibly locking eyes with the poor victim of your latest drunk tweets. You know he is up there, because they all are. And the last thing you want is to look at him currently. Your immense guilt and humiliation preventing you from even entertaining the idea of ogling the handsome man right now. Not even a little bit, no matter how badly you want to. No matter how much you want to see just how attractive he is in person. You can’t allow yourself to.

You don’t even really deserve to be here right now, the only reason you are, is because drunk you is a sappy asshole. Had you not posted those stupid tweets, you wouldn’t have been invited here today. God, how you wish you had a time machine right now.

You’d made a bunch of mistakes throughout your life, I mean, who hasn’t? But this one was by far the worst, you were definitely paying for this one. Tenfold. Maybe this is the wake up call drunk-you needs though. Hopefully she will have learned her lesson from all of this. Buuuuuut knowing her, probably not.

You sigh, picking up your phone to take a few more photos as the time nears to the official opening of the facility. To the rope cutting, which is the true reason you are all here today. You keep your eyes on your phones screen, but movement off to the side of the stage catches your eyes and they snap from the screen to it.

They lock with a greyish blue set, and you see the owner of said eyes glance over your face momentarily, before a smirk breaks out on his lips. Bucky Barnes aka The Winter Soldier aka Steve Roger’s lifelong best friend. You are currently having a stare off with an ex hydra assassin, and an insanely good one at that.

You are just about to break the eye contact when you notice him elbow the blonde super soldier to his right. Leaning in once he has the other man's attention and whispering something in his ear, before his head nods in your direction. Oh God, this also can’t be fucking good.

The blonde furrows his brows for a moment, his eyes scanning the crowd before they land on you. And the second your eyes meet, you are fucking trapped. Because, Jesus! This man is basically a human bear trap, and your ass just willing stepped right on to it.

Greeeeeat. Now you’re having a stare off with thee Steve Rogers. Just exceptional. Note the extreme sarcasm.

And then you notice as he frowns, most likely now realizing you are the crazy lady who tweeted about him. He snaps his eyes away from you, turning to glare at his best friend. Who only grins wider in return and then shrugs his shoulders before nodding his head to the billionaire at the podium. Mr. Roger’s heated gaze then flicks to the side of Mr. Stark’s head, narrowing a little more and honestly, if looks could kill, everyone here today would be witnesses to a murder. To the death of Iron Man, at the eyes of Captain America.

And oh fuck, this is not going well. So much for going unnoticed. You can’t do this, you can’t be here any longer. This is all just too much and you want to go home.

You quickly pack up your belongings, throwing them haphazardly into your large purse. As the tears of humiliation begin prickling in your eyes. What did you do to deserve any of this? Clearly you fucked up in a past life and now you were paying for it in this one.

Your eyes involuntarily glance back up to the stage, tears threatening to fall but you try to force them to hold off until you are away from this place. Away from all the prying eyes. The last thing you need is photos of you crying like a baby, at the Avengers new facility opening, to start circulating the internet and only adding fuel to the fire.

They’d probably play it up like you were this insanely huge fan, and just being here made your crazy come out to play. Bawling your eyes out for just being here, in the presence of the hero you so clearly had lady wood for. But yet, that wasn’t it at all. You know most of these people were probably too focused on Mr. Stark to even notice the moment between the super soldiers. You’re pretty sure you were the only one who actually did see it.

Your eyes lock once again on the intense pair of blue ones, finding yourself momentarily trapped all over again. Then his eyebrows furrowing snaps you out of it, thankfully, and you feel a tear slip down your cheek. You quickly wipe it away as you turn and hastily make for the press area exit.

You don’t look back, you can’t bare to see the relief probably on Mr. Rogers face now. He is probably thankful you are leaving early. He probably never wanted to actually see you in the flesh. He probably thinks you are just some ridiculous, crazed fan who went out of her way to either try to get noticed by him, or boost her career via the exposure.

God, how far from the truth that actually was. But not like you’d ever get the chance to prove that to anyone now. You vow in this exact moment to delete your twitter the second you get into the Uber. Like completely deactivate your whole account. Then you’d have no way to embarrass yourself ever again. At least not publicly, not in front of the entire world.

As you reach the spot where the hired car had dropped you off, you pull out your phone and open your Uber app. You had a hired car set up to pick you up later on, for when the press release was supposed to be over. But as it was still early and now only over for just you, you needed a ride and fast.

You begin filling out the order, hastily walking down the laneway towards the main road. Like hell were you going to stay standing on the facilities grounds any longer. Risking being seen or stopped by random press members. You’d just meet the car down the road a bit. That was the best plan here.

But as you are making your hasty get away, you hear fast footfalls coming up behind you. And you cringe slightly, too nervous to turn around and see who is coming towards you currently. You pray it’s just someone running to meet their car. Maybe one of the press people has an emergency and needs to leave early because of it?

“Hey, hold up,” a deep voice calls from behind you, effectively killing that last thought dead in its tracks. Much like you wish would happen to you right now. If you could just drop dead in this moment, you totally would. You didn’t have suicidal thoughts, ever, but in this exact moment, you’d take any out you could get. The sheer humiliation of this week finally crashing down on you.

You sigh, quickly wiping your cheeks of the few tears that refused to stay put in your eyes, and slowly turn around as the footsteps near you and come to a deafening halt. You know whoever it is, is now only a few feet away from you and there is no avoiding this awkward situation any longer.

You instantly realize the person now standing mere feet from you, is the very last person you want to be anywhere near right now. Even with keeping your eyes down, focused entirely on the ground so that whoever the person ended up being wouldn’t see the tears, now in your eyes. You still instantly know that it’s Steve Rogers, the newest and current victim of your drunken praise, and it now takes everything in you to not start rambling out a ridiculous apology, while also bawling your eyes out.

A heavy silence looms over you, starting to feel as if you are being crushed by it. You take a deep breath, keeping your eyes honed in on the cement ground. “I um, I’m really, really sorry,” you start, the words coming out raspy from your unused and tear tingled voice. The volume barely above a whisper so you quickly clear your throat, “I shouldn’t have come here today. I ah, I didn’t want to ever make you feel uncomfortable in any way. And I guess I just need to apologize to you for my ridiculous antics last week. And ah, and for stupidly agreeing to come to this junket. I’ll just um,” you glance over your shoulder momentarily. “I’ll just be going now,” you finally glanced up at him, as you gesture with your thumb over your shoulder and take a step back. “Sorry again, for um, for everything.”

But holy fuck, he is so much better looking than you could have ever imagined. Up close and personal he is a freaking dream boat—Argh! You have no right to ogle this man! Give your damn head a shake. You are the very last person on this planet who is allowed to fangirl over him right now.

You quickly turn and continue to hastily make your way towards the road, not even giving him a moment to respond to your words. You don’t need him to say anything back though, he doesn’t owe you a damn thing. You are the dick that brought this all on to not only in yourself, but this poor man as well.

You got the chance to apologize to him, which is more than you could have ever asked for. Now you just want this all to be over. You just want to go home and pretend like this entire week never happened. He can go back to his normal life, and you to yours.

God, you could really use a stiff drink right now, but that’s what got you into this whole mess in the first place. So that’s probably not the smartest idea at the moment. So instead you’ll settle for a giant tub of ice cream and a lengthy, tear filled, phone call with your bestie.

“Wait,” he says softly, probably so he doesn’t startle you any further, as you feel a large warm hand grasp your elbow, urging you to turn back around.

You clench your eyes shut, why can’t this just all be over already?! Why you?! You take a deep stuttering breath in then open your eyes and turn to face him again. He releases your elbow as you do and then you awkwardly lock eyes with him once again.

One of his large hands comes up to rub the back of his neck, the action almost looking sheepish. Clearly he also has a few words for you, and whatever they are you’ll totally deserve them. Even if they are chastising you for your stupid posts. So you quickly steel yourself for what’s about to come.

“I ah, I wasn’t—“ he pauses then quickly corrects himself, “I’m not uncomfortable about you being here,” he shakes his head, “not at all. I just—firstly, I just wanted to apologize to you, actually. I know they probably forced you to be here today, I don’t really know how, but judging by your reaction to all of this, I’m guessing you really had no say in being here.“ He sighs deeply, “I had no idea that they’d actually invited you, so I can only assume that Tony played a huge hand in all of this. He really likes to insert himself into other people's lives, so I apologize that you got dragged into this. He doesn’t really know when to butt out.”

You nod slowly as you glance down to the ground again, “it’s okay. You really don’t owe me anything, I honestly brought this all on myself. I um, I don’t blame anyone else for any of this, but thank you for saying all of that.” You look back up at him, “it really helps to hear. This week has just been—“ you cut yourself off with a deep sigh, as you wave a dismissive hand around, “sorry, that’s really not important. Um, just basically thank you, ya know, for easing my mind with all of this.”

He frowns a little, but quickly corrects it. And you still just honestly want this all to be done with. But he looks like he still has more to say, so looks like your hopes will go unanswered this time. And just as you suspected he speaks up again.

He shakes his head, “don’t mention it, but I should really be the one thanking you.”

Awe, isn’t that just so dang sweet of him—wait, what?! I’m sorry, come again?! Your eyes widen as your mouth falls open slightly. You imagine it’s a super attractive look—note the sarcasm again—but you honestly can’t bring yourself to care about that at the moment. Because what did he just say?

Your eyebrows furrow after far too long of a moment with you just gaping up at him. “I’m sorry if this is rude, but um, why exactly would you owe me a thank you?”

He smiles down at you, then quickly glances over his shoulder before looking back to you. “I’ll explain all that, but first, can I show you something?”

You find yourself nodding before you’ve even realized it. “Um, yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“Okay, great. Just uh, just follow me then,” he says through a hesitant smile as he leads you off and away from the gathering. You aren’t sure where exactly he is taking you, but for the first time all week, you aren’t worried at all. Probably because this is Steve Rogers, the man out of time, and a true gentleman, in every sense of the word.

And maybe, just maybe, your hellish week that all began thanks to one stupid drunk moment, might just end on a way better note. Maybe your Drunk Twitter escapades weren’t all bad. Maybe they weren’t entirely horrible.

But honestly who really knows, you’d just have to wait and find out.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Part 2 of this, from Steve POV, will be coming sometime this week! So stay tuned for that!

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