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elysiansparadise · 5 months ago

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With the gentle caress of Neptune's blissful hand, a dreamy aura evolves. In the dawn's soft embrace, and twilight's whisper, pisces paints the sky with a suspire.

Pisces Rising: Divine Charm

They look mysterious and distant but their gaze, like the ocean, deep and profound, reflecting the emotions untold. A wise mind and soul, with a gentle and caring heart, remains protected from the dangers from outside. Many of them tended to isolate themselves, as the tensions of their early environment could be difficult to deal with. They seek calm, and would love to live in a world where they felt at peace and free to be who they truly are. They have the ability to adapt to their environments and the people they meet, making the number of people with whom they truly feel like themselves very small. Their beauty lies more in delicacy, like angels fallen to heaven, their skin is soft, their gaze slightly sleepy and many of them give an unapproachable vibe.

From a young age they learn to achieve things on their own and we can attribute that to Aries in the 2nd house. They greatly value their independence, being able to do things their own way, because these natives highly value their independence and that clearly includes financial independence, which is why they like to make their decisions for themselves when it comes to money. Some of them may have a tendency to be somewhat impulsive with their spending, especially if Mars is making tense aspects to Jupiter or Neptune. Ambition to find stability in their lives, they fervently desire to feel powerful and not with respect to others, but with themselves and the management of their lives. They are people who have that entrepreneurial spirit, since they were young, they may have defined what they want to achieve, be it a certain status, economic position, or simply a set of things to have in the future. Some of these natives are prone to becoming demotivated quickly if they do not perceive or have tangible results, so it is necessary for them to find a way to motivate themselves. It is a kind of challenge to be more constant and persistent in your productive projects. They may possess a certain level of competitiveness and winning and/or achieving things can increase their self-esteem, especially if Mars makes tense aspects to Sun or Jupiter. It is possible that at some point in their lives they feel that to be valuable they have to achieve or have things, they may equate success with the idea of "I have to create or do something.”

Talking to them is one of the most comfortable things in the world, they are responsible for not only talking to you and giving you their point of view, but also listening to you carefully, and we can see that with Taurus in the 3rd house. These natives take their time to process what is happening around them, they do not jump to conclusions, they are observant, capable of sensing when things are not as before, when there are changes around them, nothing goes unnoticed, no matter how minimal the change may be. They like clarity, that people speak with bluntness, that is, without losing tact if the situation requires it. They have a very attractive and soothing voice, and their way of speaking, the words that come out of their mouths can be a caress to the soul. They are sensible, rational and patient. They calm others with ease with their words and voice, there is something simply magnetic about them. Talent for singing and taste or interest in music. They have a great facility for creating and generating ideas, and not only that, but they also materialize them. They have aptitudes for poetry and any genre that allows them to express their feelings through letters. They may have hands-on skills, from sculpture, drawing or any form of design. They are constant people when it comes to learning something that catches their attention. They easily move the people around them, as they seek to say what they genuinely feel and think. They tend to be somewhat reserved with their thoughts at first but when they express them, they will not express them abruptly or shouting. They take their time to learn, they like to do things at their own pace and not feel pressured, as they are susceptible to stress. It is difficult to change their mind, because even if they listen to yours, it is likely that they will not stop thinking the way they do.

Since they were children, these natives questioned everything, from what surrounded them to the actions or behaviors of those who accompanied them. Pure and present curiosity for as long as they can remember, a clear representation of Gemini in the 4th house. A desire to understand others at a deep level because of the feeling of never having been understood themselves. Many of these natives experience constant changes in their home, from moving to issues of family dynamics. They may have grown up in a chaotic or changing environment; one parent may have been emotionally distant. It is likely that since they were children they have had problems, whether it be excess mental and/or physical energy, nerves or anxiety in some cases. They may have closeness and constant communication with a particular member of their families. They are very reserved people with their past and emotions, they hardly feel that they can talk about it with others. They do not enjoy small talk much, they tend to prefer deep and more meaningful conversations. These natives are fun, spontaneous and very expressive, but due to circumstances and experiences, they have learned to hide this side of them. They prioritize fluid communication with those with whom they have an emotional bond; they will always seek to make the other person comfortable to speak freely about what they feel. They may have had tense experiences in their childhood, such as dealing with people who were hypocritical or overly critical of them. They find comfort in the idea of learning new things, yes, but most likely these natives have comfort series, books or movies that they return to when they don't feel well. Many of them express their discomfort, or in general any type of emotions through writing. Journaling, making poetry or simply writing can be activities that allow them to feel better and more liberated.

These natives are incredibly romantic and attentive in their relationships. They look for a relationship that allows them to be emotionally vulnerable and that is related to Cancer in the 5th house. Love with them feels like a warm blanket, which gives you warmth, protection and reaffirmation. For them there is no better sign of love than dedicating time, energy and devotion to the other person. They nourish their relationships a lot and always work on them, making necessary changes both in the dynamics of the relationship and in their love language, since they adapt to their partner's to make them feel loved. They prioritize the comfort of both themselves and their partners. Its beauty and appeal lies more on the tender, tender and soft side. They usually have attractive and sweet faces, as well as expressive eyes. Regardless of how they show themselves to the world and how they decide to face it, in their relationships they are softies, and they tend to attract people who become attached to them. They attract mysterious and reserved people with their emotions who have a huge heart. For them, a relationship equals comfort, unconditional support and a deep connection. Their partners' past matters to them as a way to understand them better. Caring and being cared for is important in the dynamics of romance for these natives to enjoy.

With Leo in the 6th house it is very likely that the native has excellent creative and/or artistic abilities. These are people who can gain a lot of recognition through their work or a skill they have worked on for a long time. In the work area they may be very loved or appreciated, they are seen as talented, capable and charismatic, however, that natural brilliance that they possess can attract envious people or people who want to steal some of their light. They are generous people par excellence, they will never hesitate to help, support or share with those they love. Having a strong work ethic, being responsible, honest and devoted are values that have been instilled in them since they were young. It is likely that from childhood they were taught to work hard and value not only their own efforts but those of others. Many of these natives tend to prefer to be given compliments about their abilities, the way they do things or their results, not forgetting to mention that they can be modest or dismissive with other types of compliments, not knowing how to react to them. They like to do things that they can put their whole heart into. They need to see the importance behind a task to want to do it and will not waste their time on things that they do not perceive as genuinely useful or important to them. They have this way of doing things well or not doing them at all, they can be very demanding of themselves and of seeing tangible results. Many of these natives may experience pain in the chest and/or back if they are subjected to a lot of stress. For them it is crucial to truly love their job, because they feel that hating their job is no longer bearable for a little more money. Passion is important for them when starting a project, so if the passion runs out they will not hesitate to drop the task in question.

With Virgo in the 7th house we can observe what these natives look for in their relationships, especially those they want to maintain long term and this is reliability and mutual support. They are so used to giving a lot to others and supporting them fully no matter what, they are extremely devoted and giving to those who have the place of their heart, but it is highly disappointing when that is not given back to them. They tend to be so hard on themselves, overly self-critical of their actions in a relationship. If Mercury makes tense aspects, it is very likely that after breakups they will think that they are guilty or have a feeling of responsibility about it. They will always seek to improve their relationships, frequently asking their partners about how they feel more comfortable or how to make them feel more loved. They are looking for a reliable partner who supports and motivates them, someone who looks after their well-being and who accepts them without conditions, someone who makes them feel sufficient and happy with who they are. With this placement the natives will have a future spouse dedicated to them and the relationship, someone modest who will work hard and know how to appreciate the natives' efforts and intentions. It will be a relationship that will emerge little by little, they will get to know each other more and more and along with this, not only love but admiration will grow more and more. Both will try to resolve any issue that arises, knowing how to listen to each other and proposing solutions. Both will arrive at a point in each other's lives where they are focused on themselves whether it is improving, healing or working.

Giving and receiving equally is an internal desire that lies in Libra in the 8th house. That longing to show oneself completely to their special one and fully know the other, that fervent yearn, the need to be transparent with someone willing to be genuine with them. There is a set of internal conflicts between wanting that intense, passionate and extremely devoted connection with the fear of being vulnerable, the fear of becoming dependent on someone or that someone becomes too absorbed with them. The fear of giving everything and being betrayed. It is difficult to trust opening up and there is nothing that terrifies them more than the risk of doing so to the wrong person. Having them as a couple is an experience like no other, not only because of the passion and sensuality of these lovers, but also because of the intense and genuine devotion that they give you. They are able to love you completely, to form a connection that feels real, one in which you do not pretend to be someone you are not or one in which you do not feel like you have to be someone else. They experience great transformations during and after their relationships, they have a tendency to seek or attract deep relationships where there is a strong bond between them. They are fascinating lovers who manage to make you feel desired with a look, who through their touch transmit the whirlwind of emotions that you provoke in them. They love intensely, there is no doubt in them, all or nothing, I love you or I don't love you. They think a lot before entering a relationship, and once they are in one, they immerse themselves completely.

These natives are constantly searching for a deep meaning to the world around them, something beyond the visible, and that need to see beyond what simple sight allows them to do is thanks to Scorpio in the 9th house. They feel a growing attraction for complex topics that mark them in some way or leave them introspective, since they spend a lot of their time in their heads, analyzing and trying to understand what seems intriguing to them. A desire to investigate topics that seem mysterious to them, inclination for spiritual topics, psychology or solving mysteries/riddles of all kinds. A lot of transformation through travel and chances of traveling to distant lands. Physical and spiritual journeys, many feelings of epiphanies throughout their lives. Fascination or fixation with a specific type of culture. A complex relationship with religion, being either very devoted to their beliefs or having experienced complex things thanks to the religious beliefs of their parents or family. Inquisitive minds, however they do not make it obvious that they know many things, they are very humble people regarding their knowledge, but they firmly trust in what they know. In them there is more knowledge than what is seen, they are very astute and although they seek to see the bigger picture, it is difficult for the details to go unnoticed, since they have the mixture of perception and strong intuition, which makes them perceive things that can be subliminal.

Natives with Sagittarius in the 10th house are curious souls by nature, people who aspire for great things and constantly dream of obtaining, achieving and being. They look for jobs that allow them to expand, intellectually, or expand their joy and emotional well-being. Many people tend to see them as genuine people who are easy to work with and people who, regardless of whether they are introverted or extroverted, will always be cordial. They can become very influential people in their work, since Jupiter, the planet of luck, rules this house, making them prone to finding success at work and easily moving or influencing people. They are likely to travel constantly and come into contact with foreign things thanks to their work. These people aspire to do good, to do the right thing and in many cases to contribute positively to the lives of others through their work. Some jobs for these people are teachers, artists, journalism, international relations, human resources, work in travel agencies, lawyers. In the eyes of the public they have charm, as they have a mixture of charisma, ambition and authenticity. Despite wanting to be recognized for their abilities, many of these natives can find it overwhelming to have a lot of attention, so they need that balance between alone time and public time.

Precisely because of their energy and sensitivity to other people's vibes, they are very selective about who they surround themselves with. Capricorn in the 11th house makes them accept their friends as they are and seek to give them a lot of support, but it is difficult for them to give that title to anyone. They prefer closed and stable circles, they take friendship seriously and can be very devoted to them. These natives have a tendency to attract friends with greater maturity or age, and they will admire the maturity and abilities of the natives. Friendships with long age differences. They may see it as a strong support for a friend/certain group of friends, finding a sense of family more in them than in their biological families. They can have great economic gains thanks to their career, from having high or important positions, or even a lot of prestige in their work. They aspire for big things and it is not enough for them to just dream, they like to make them come true and work hard to achieve them. Contrary to what one would believe with this placement, they are very ambitious and hardworking dreamers, as they will always be thinking about how to materialize everything that they have always longed to have. They believe in the power of hard work and many of them are not naive or excessively overzealous as they are projected.

The noise out there has become overwhelming, the looks of some have become heavy, all those times you felt judged, underestimated or left out for being your precious self has led you to lock yourself away, that beautiful and enormous heart and everything. That which makes you unique in a small world, where you can be safe from being viewed with disdain. People with Aquarius in the 12th house are reserved with certain sides of themselves, be it their thoughts, hobbies or in some cases feelings, on some occasions they may feel separated and different from others, the feeling of being an outsider can be common with this placement. In them lies a creative mind and an accepting soul, which seeks to know others deeply and remove from their lives everything that is superficial. They always seem very perceptive of their environment and those around them, they even generate interest in everything that allows them to know themselves and others better, as a result of a feeling of not having been understood. They have a high creative potential and can excel enormously in a hobby or one of their passions, but they may fear criticism and little acceptance from others. These people fear rejection from people, especially from those they open up to, thinking they are different. They have an open personality, they do not run away from or criticize minds other than their own, they will always try to understand and accept people. They feel that impulse in them to accept and include others because of the wound of not having been accepted themselves. In these natives lies a beautiful being, with unique ideas and emotions, who will hardly show himself completely to others, only those who inspire true confidence. Their longing and desire is to be free from these internal chains and cages that hold back those sides of their being that they feel will be judged.

#pisces #astrology #pisces rising #pisces ascendant #natal chart #birth chart #pisces in the 1st house #astro note #pisces asc #rising #ascedant #astro notes #astro observations

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chevroletdean · 2 months ago

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you always meet twice ── ✮⋆˙🥃📞

pairing: dean x gn!reader genre: fluff, dash of angst if you squint to note/warnings: set around season 10, mentions of the mark of cain, dean being a grumpy old man, cute first meetings, miscommunication word count: 2.8k

a/n: this is random, i just wanted to write more fluff, since you guys were so nice about the last one. thank you again, i didn't expect so much positive feedback!

He swore that that giggle of yours could soften a demon’s black heart. He should know, having been one himself not too long ago.

You flashed him one last mesmerizing smile and slid something across the counter before you turned around and left the bar. His eyes lingered on you until you were through the door and out of sight. Only then did he dare to glance down towards your little goodbye gift, which he swiftly grabbed and carried back to Sam’s booth.

“Seriously?” Sam scoffed, the crooked grin on his lips reflecting a mixture of disbelief and belittling. “What is this, the 2000s?”

None of that seemed to bother his older brother, who was all toothy, boyish grin and lit up eyes as he proudly flaunted the napkin in front of Sam’s nose. Numbers were scribbled on it in black ink, clearly a phone number.

Was it a little old-fashioned? Maybe, but didn’t that make it all the more charming? Dean certainly seemed to think so and even though it must’ve been about 10 years or so ago since he last had anyone write their number down for him like this, he thought he deserved a sliver of joy.

“They even wrote ‘xoxo’ next to it, dude,” Dean boasted. “What’s that mean again, love and hearts or whatever?”

“Hugs and kisses, Dean. It means hugs and kisses,” Sam corrected him with a sigh. His brother was a lost cause.

The little symbols were about as cheesy as the act of the whole number on a napkin thing and Dean was eating it up with a giddiness that could only be matched by a lovesick teenager. You’d think after about two decades of acting like a flirtatious heartthrob, he’d either mature or be harder to impress.

“Either way,” Dean beamed proudly, “I’m still in the game.”

Sam’s eyebrows shot up, but he refrained from any witty remarks and settled for a snort instead. It’s been a while since he’s seen Dean’s lips curled upwards – after a couple of rough weeks and many setbacks, it was good to see him smile again.

He’s been to hell and back, literally and figuratively, and after all the worrying about the Mark of Cain, recovering from being a literal demon, and the usual apocalyptic sense of dread, who was Sam to deny him his fun?

Turns out he’d have his little moment ruined hours later anyway, and not even by Sam or any of his teasing comments.

He must’ve slept horribly or maybe the lack of leads in this case was starting to frustrate him.

It was unclear what exactly caused the switch to flip, but the grin from last evening that had reached from one ear to another was nowhere to be seen anymore. Ever since they left the motel and drove into town, he was back to his grumpy self.

Sam nearly flinched as Dean slammed the door of the Impala shut a little harsher than necessary. Dean’s brows were furrowed in frustration as he practically stomped into the diner. His little brother followed suit, barely making it through the door while it was still open. They took a seat and ordered some breakfast.

Despite knowing he wouldn’t get an explanation, Sam tried anyway.

“What’s up with you today?”

Dean shot him a glare that not only signaled he’d refuse to answer, but could also suffice for straight up daggers. He took a demonstratively large gulp of his coffee. “Can we just focus on the case, Sammy?”

Focus on the case was rarely what Dean wanted to do, not when he had a potential fling going on anyway. Which could only mean one thing.

“No luck with your napkin sweetheart?” Sam teased, seemingly hitting a sore spot as Dean slammed the coffee cup back onto the table with a clatter.

“The case, Sam,” he repeated insistently.

Right on the money then. What else would rile him up into such an irritable mood?

Giving in — albeit he did a terrible job at concealing a gloating grin —, Sam booted up his laptop and went through the files. It was all pretty straightforward: Bunch of people went missing over the past few days, one of their bodies having turned up with their blood drained. Vampires, likely, though Sam and Dean had yet to find the nest or talk to anyone in relation to the victims.

“There’s this one college student that went missing two days ago, usually never misses a class or a shift at their part-time-job,” Sam spoke and turned the laptop around for Dean to look at the missing person alert. “We could split up, talk to one of their professors and a coworker.”

“Fabulous,” Dean grumbled, using his fork to stab holes into his slice of pie. His mind was clearly elsewhere. Presumably on a certain someone he had met last night – and was stood up by, apparently.

“Seriously, what happened?” Sam half-groaned, half-grinned. There was some genuine concern in his voice. Even if the situation was kind of amusing – it didn’t happen often that someone was able to humble Dean like this –, he knew his brother was on edge already.

Anger and bottling up feelings were always his specialty, but with the Mark of Cain still attached to his arm, they should probably not risk any major stress.

Dean grumbled something inaudible, half of his words swallowed by the coffee cup, the rim of which was pressed against his lips. Sam only thought he heard something along the lines of ‘wrong number’ and gave a confused “What was that?” in response.

“Whatever,” Dean groaned. “Any contacts, an address?”

Sam nodded and told him the address of the coworker. With Dean’s shitty mood, he’d rather not bring him to campus to scare away any freshmen. So, they separated for the time being, Sam heading to the university while Dean made his way to that address downtown.

On his way there, he fished for his phone again. And the napkin.

He had tried to dial the number earlier this morning and (much to his obvious dismay) the call had not gone through. He typed it in again, number for number, double-checking each digit individually. Maybe he had somehow gotten it mixed up in his half sleepy state earlier?

‘The number you have called is not available. Please check the number and dial again. The number you have called is n–’

Dean definitely didn’t get it wrong, comparing the number on his screen and the napkin again.

With a scoff, he shoved his phone back into his pocket, exchanging it for his F.B.I. badge instead. Grumbling to himself, his feet dragged him past a picket fence – each step heavy-footed – and up a porch, where he rang the doorbell.

As for why you’d trick him like that by giving him a wrong number, was beyond him. You could’ve just said no when he asked for your contacts, so why go through the hassle to be this mean about a rejection?

Unless he somehow had made you uncomfortable last night, although he could not for the love of it remember anything but your bright smile throughout the whole conversation. In fact, you had eagerly nodded when he offered to buy you another drink.

The soft creaking of the door disrupted his thoughts. By default habit, he already held up his badge, deciding to focus on the task at hand. Sam would be giving him a handful if he got too distracted during a case.

“Special Agent Murray, could I–?”

His introduction died on his tongue as his gaze fell upon a dazzling and oddly familiar smile. A heartbeat later and said smile vanished from those lips, which then twisted into a surprised O-shape.

“I don’t remember writing my address down,” you chuckled. Nervously. But not the kind of nervousness he would’ve expected from someone who had practically dumped him in the shittiest way possible.

The quip itself was somehow unfitting, considering those circumstances.

Who knew the coworker of the victim would be you, of all people, in a rather big town like this?

“Special Agent, huh?” Your smile was back on your lips, the intrigued spark in your eyes resembling that of last evening, and confusing him only further. “Am I in trouble, did I commit a crime?”

If handing out false numbers was a crime—

Dean cleared his throat and averted his gaze. He briefly fidgeted around with his badge, struggling to put it away again. Maybe that extra cup of coffee at the diner earlier was a mistake. As if it wasn’t already awkward enough. He wasn’t keen on making a fool out of himself further, so he decided to get this job over with as quickly as possible.

“I have a few questions about Daniel Anderson,” he said, tone dry as bone and honestly, rather hostile. “I take it you are his coworker?”

You blinked up at him, your smile fading once more. It was almost as if you were half-intimidated by his grumpy demeanor, but did you really expect a warm reunion?

“Uhm, yeah,” you mumbled, almost meekly, and opened the door further, stepping aside to make room for him. “Come on in, please. Would you like some coffee?”

Dean was led to the living room, where you gestured towards the seating options – a small couch and an armchair. Even though he just had about a gallon of it, he accepted your offer and settled on the couch.

While you were busy in the kitchen, he glanced around the room. A small but cozy living space and a pair of shoes kicked into the corner of the entrance that he definitely recognized. So you weren’t some lost twin of last night’s encounter.

“Excuse the mess,” you chuckled shyly, again with a warmth that exceeded his expectations. “I mean, you know how it is, I got home pretty late last night and have not had the chance to clean up yet.”

How come you were able to brush off this palpable tension with such ease? He was practically dying on the inside here while you, without hesitation, sat down next to him instead of the armchair and handed him the cup of coffee.

Dean once again cleared his throat, taking a sip of your coffee – as if somehow the caffeine could counteract his nerves instead of fray them further.

“About Mr. Anderson,” he began, clearly not wanting to dive into the topic of last night. If he didn’t know it any better, he swore he could see a flicker of disappointment in your eyes.

Your answers to his questions matched what Sam already found out. Your coworker was last seen coming to work three days ago, punctual as always, then wasn’t seen again. Apparently he had been the last to leave the office, which wasn’t unusual, since he’d often work overtime. A diligent guy, from the sounds of it, despite working only minimum wage and managing his studies at the same time.

“I thought I haven’t seen you around town before,” you hummed, eyeing him up and down briefly in a way that made him feel naked despite his suit. “No wonder, if you’re a federal agent working a case here. I gotta say, you can pull off a tie just as much as the flannel.”

That caught Dean off guard for several reasons. One being the fact that you were even more assertive when sober, apparently. The more obvious one, however, remained your previous rejection of course. He could not wrap his head around the concept of you flirting with him now.

You in no way looked anything remotely guilt ridden or embarrassed. If anything, your responses to his gruff attitude were mellow in fashion. And you still subtly brushed your knee against his despite everything. Were you messing with him?

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” you mumbled, hesitant for the first time today. “You can show up at my doorstep, but you can’t give me a call?”

Huh?

His widened eyes and the deadpan silence in the room seemed to go straight over your head.

“Well, I guess you’re busy with work,” you sighed with a crooked grin on your lips. “You should’ve told me, giving a special agent your number is kind of embarrassing.”

That was your problem, his line of work? Well, in that regard, he couldn’t be too hypocritical. He was as much of a special agent as your number was real, after all. Still, he was done with your games.

“I did give you a call,” Dean huffed. “Or tried to anyway, but you already figured that, I bet.”

Now it was your time to look all puzzled, at least until Dean pulled out phone and pocket. He dialed your number and put his phone on speaker. If in some twisted joke the third time would be the charm now, he’d feel really stupid.

But as expected, the error announcement came through the speaker once more: ‘The number you have called is not available. Please check the number and dial again.’

The color drained from your face first, before a redness crept up your neck. Your gaze flickered back and forth between Dean’s phone and his glare.

Then you burst out into laughter. Your cheeks were flushed in a bright pink while you hastily scrambled to find your own phone.

“You think this is funny, sweetheart?” Dean sighed, damn near pouting.

You didn’t reply, just snatched the napkin out of his hands. Your fingers were warm against his, since you had them wrapped around your own coffee mug moments earlier.

“Double-awkward, I gave a special agent the wrong number, oops,” you giggled and facepalmed.

Oops?

Dean was about to retort something, clearly unappreciative of the way you were still trying to make up excuses.

But you remained unfazed. More than unfazed: You reached out to his lapel, those warm fingers of yours wrapping around the pen in his chest pocket. All he could do was stay frozen in place as you crossed out the last two digits on the napkin and rewrote them above – in reverse order.

“You switched them up,” he mumbled, more of a realization than a question.

“I get clumsy when I’m nervous,” you smiled softly, rubbing the back of your neck and nodding apologetically.

You did not fail to notice how Dean’s eyes lit up again. That scowl, the harsh line on his forehead, they melted away. Some of that boyish, cheeky grin replaced his gruff facade.

“Nervous,” he echoed and his smug smirk confirmed his returned confidence. He had made you nervous last evening, huh?

“What did you think I needed that second whiskey sour for,” you giggled with that gentle edge that turned his heart into mush.

He knew right away that he wanted to see you like this more often, flustered, because of him no less. Enough to give you trouble thinking straight.

“How about you run a test-call, just to make sure I didn’t mix it up again,” you suggested.

It took him a solid three or so seconds to process your words and then he flinched, fumbling around with his inner pockets in too obvious of a desperation. Once again, he cleared his throat, realizing this must’ve been the dozenth time or so you got him this flustered. You really knew how to keep someone on their toes, whether it was on purpose or not, huh?

Dean dialed the updated number and surely enough, the buzzing vibration of your phone eased his anxiety once and for all.

“And here I was, thinking you were trying to mess with me,” he laughed breathlessly, to which your smile softened into a pout. Clearly you weren’t fond of the idea of upsetting him in this manner.

At least for a split second, before it widened into a mischievous smirk.

“I don’t know if that would go against the law,” you hummed teasingly, “But I’m an upstanding citizen and if you were to arrest me, I’d hope it would be under different circumstances.”

With that and a wink, you took the empty cups from the coffee table and made your way to the kitchen again. Like last night, Dean was left letting his gaze follow you until you weren’t to be seen anymore. As he snapped out of it, he stood up and headed towards the entrance.

“Call me if you hear anything from Daniel,” you smiled at him as you hurried to open the door for him. “Or, you know, in general.”

Dean chuckled briefly, the first time he’s laughed properly today, and gave you a nod. On his way out, he practically skipped his steps down the porch, to which you couldn’t help but grin.

By the time Dean met up with Sam again, he was humming happily to himself. Sam raised an eyebrow at his sunshine-giddy brother, scanning him up and down.

“What happened to you?”

“I’m still in the game, Sammy.”

links/credits: ao3 ──〃★ dividers ──〃★ request here taglist: comment with a green heart 💚if you want to be added to the dean x reader taglist from now on

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brujamala-aka-gigi · 3 months ago

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random messages from the tarot

so, this is a short pac reading with no theme, anything essencial will show up on this readings. feel free to pick more than one pile <3

pile 1 pile 2

pile 3 pile 4

images from pinterest and dividers by @fairytopea

꒰ঌ ✦ scroll down for the results ໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ

-ˋˏ ༻ ❁ Masterpost and Tarot Menu ❁༺ ˎˊ-

*˚‧͙✧ PILE ONE ✧‧͙⁺*

During this very moment of your life, you need to stop expecting good fortune and luck to be on your side when you are thinking about taking any kind of new direction. It’s understandable that hope might be a great motivator for you, but you are limiting yourself if you’re ignoring how important are your own actions and your virtues, things that go well in your life, are not because of good luck, they go well because you did well. If you focus on developing your skills and your confidence, you will achieve a lot and actually enjoy those achievements without any sort of impostor syndrome. Please understand that anything good that happens to you, in your case, is a reflection of what you do on your own in order to keep the abundance and the positive energy coming your way.

*˚‧͙✧ PILE TWO ✧‧͙⁺*

I get this feeling you are watching yourself detach from your own emotions and you are not sure what to do about it. When it comes to feelings of anxiety or sadness, it’s common to want to detach, or ignore them, but at some point this can happen sort of by accident, you know you’re feeling bad, but you don’t quite feel it sometimes. What I can say about this is that: try to deal with this by being deeply conscious on how and why these feelings are being ignored, don’t focus too much on what is causing them right now, but instead focus on why you are not allowing yourself to experience something completely human: feelings. Try to understand them as ways in which your mind and body communicates the needs you’re unconsciously ignoring. And please ask for help if you need to.

*˚‧͙✧ PILE THREE ✧‧͙⁺*

It’s time to stop being resentful with your past self, and /or the people who hurt you. You’re carrying way too much baggage that is affecting your decision making skills, usually taking you to places and people that are far too similar to the situations that got you the baggage in your first place. This is a great moment to begin healing journeys aimed to allow yourself to have a deeper comprehension on your past, by taking a more objective look on it and being more understanding with your old self, more patient and comprehensive. For you, it’s necessary to see what thought are behavioural patterns are keeping you away from moving on from the past.

*˚‧͙✧ PILE FOUR ✧‧͙⁺*

You’re going to experience a lot of creative energy and fast changes soon. It’s key that you can embrace the fun yet chaotic but overall positive experiences that’ll come your way. These are not only meant to give you new perspectives and new opportunities regarding the material aspects of your life, but they’re also a manifestation of your own energy changing and attracting both positive and negative challenges. You will be put in situations where your passions will become a great source of guidance and hope, while becoming more and more present in your life. Expect new people wanting to approach you during a time of change and evolution like this, some come to help, some to test you, some will stay and others not.

hi, i'm gigi :)

i hope you enjoyed this readings and hopefully found something useful. check my masterpost if you want to know more about this blog or if you want to keep reading some more PACs. also, my bookings for personal readings are open!! so don't hesitate to take a quick look at my tarot menu if you're interested in that.

as usual, im thankful for all the good vibes on here, i hope everyone can get something out of this blog!! i'm really struggling to get consistent with posting since i prioritize my job as a tarot reader on an app and doing personal readings from here (and omg thanks to everyone who trusts me with that and thanks to everyone who books).

so yeah, thats pretty much it.

much love, gigi <3

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caturnmoon · 3 months ago

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Saturn & Pluto: Their Similarities and Differences 🪐

🪐I thought I’d take this opportunity to chat a little bit about Saturn and Pluto; and what makes them similar and different from each other. 🪐

Saturn

Cold giant planet ruling time (represents Kronos the Greek god of time) fathers, traditions, hierarchies, hard work, aging, old people, isolation (to an extent), refinement, and lessons. Saturn traditionally rules the zodiac signs Capricorn and Aquarius and the 10th house of public image, legacy, and career. Saturn rules aging and lessons so wherever Saturn is placed or emphasized in your chart will illuminate where this process will take place for you. It requires us to own our karmic lessons, learn them through taking ownership, and then we reap the rewards of that effort. If we are still repeating unhealthy patterns and not making the necessary steps forward to grow and learn from them, Saturn will restrict and make life uncomfortable. In order to challenge us to leave these themes behind to step into a more evolved “adult” role in our lives. We normally experience this more acutely during the transit of our Saturn returns starting around 27 and ending around 30. Whatever isn’t learned from this astrological coming of age is rolled over into our karmic debt and the lesson will be enhanced during your second Saturn return somewhere in your 50’s. Saturn rewards hard work and patience. So it’s not all restriction and loss only if these traits are acknowledged. Dramatic changes can occur within the house and placements in your chart because Saturn is the teacher wanting to give a lesson for you to learn so you can mature and grow. Once these are learned, the effects of these lessons lessen. Lean into this time and reflect inward. Saturn loves responsibility and ownership.

Pluto

Pluto is the tiny dwarf ice planet furthest from the sun in our solar system. In modern astrology Pluto represents the sign Scorpio, which is ruled also by mars. Pluto is associated with Hades, the Greek god of the underworld and death/the afterlife. Themes associated with Pluto and the 8th house are death and rebirth, sex, intimacy, joint assets, taxes, debts, inheritance, power, transformation, desire, drive, psychology, trauma, and the occult. Wherever Scorpio or Pluto is in your chart tells you how you can embrace your inner power in powerless situations and the subconscious as well. Through burning to ashes, the phoenix rises again, better than ever and wiser. Pluto will initiate dramatic change(s) that asks you to grow and make you more resilient than before. Pluto can shake us up and ask us to get in touch with our inner power and subconscious fears. How we observe our relationship with control and fear. Only through facing these fears and uncomfortable emotions, can we transform the negative into a positive. Only through being victimized can we be survivors and thrive. Tap into the inner victim and touch the shadows. Pluto demands that you FEEL the uncomfortable and embrace the darkness. It’s part of the process to finding the light again. Pluto is associated with shadow work and themes associated with great potential for healing and dark psychology. The 8th house also rules trauma and violence to an extent. The ugly horrors that the human experience has to offer and isn’t often talked about openly. You can’t have the light without also having the darker nuances of life. The duality that’s to be respected within ourselves and others. Pluto doesn’t ask you to completely eradicate the darkness, but to become one with it through the light. Merging. Intimacy with self in order to embrace true vulnerability and intimacy with others. True union. Pluto rules this as well.

Saturn & Pluto: Similarities/Differences

These two entities are similar to each other in that they both require us to “own our shit” so to speak. Saturn asks us to grow up through responsibility and work through restrictions and hard work to accomplish our goals. Pluto asks us to grow through dramatic changes/shifts of power and shadow work. Confronting the subconscious fears in order to grow and become more resilient and empowered. Their differences lie in outward influence vs. inward. Since Saturn rules the 10th house, these changes and lessons normally affect our public image and drive to meet goals through taking personal responsibility. Pluto asks us to take the external and go into the depths of what makes us tick with these factors. Flip them inside out. How can we rise above the tumultuous change and get to know ourselves better from the process. To feel more intimately empowered as a result. How we can utilize healthy control to prevent it become obsession and compulsion.

🪐Saturn and Pluto both are wonderful tools to acknowledge in our charts/lives if we let them. I don’t like ruling by fear when utilizing astrology because that isn’t what astrology is about in my opinion; it’s facing the realities of life and how it impacts us, and then using the information it provides for improvement and discernment. Only through acknowledging the shadow can we appreciate the light. ☯️

Until next time!! 🖖🏼👽

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vvitchllng · 6 months ago

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In addition to Everything Else that happened this episode, I can’t stop thinking about the moment where Laudna asks him why Seedling isn’t enough why he wants This sword and Orym’s whole demeanor shifts and he looks Laudna dead in the eyes and says you’re right why Would you reach for a darker power.

Orym and Laudna are the characters with the most interparty conflict and they’re the same!!!!!!! At their core their strongest motivation is their drive to protect the ones they love at the cost of themselves if necessary. We see it all the time with Orym throwing himself in front of his friends over and over again, making deals with fae to try and keep them safe. And we see it all the time with Laudna and Delilah, where over and Over again she lures Laudna with the promise of being strong enough to protect her friends, to keep them safe. We saw it again tonight when Delilah manipulated her to get the sword by telling her it was a danger to Orym!!

Both of them looked at the power that caused their pain and decided to take it for their own, to use it to protect their loved ones instead, because if it was capable of such devastation against them, it was capable of delivering that same devastation to their enemies. Laudna asking why seedling isn’t enough (why he isn’t enough, the frustrated self-deprecating response “I have Push-ups!”) and Orym returning the question because Laudna Does have her own power separate from Delilah, she just doesn’t think its enough for what’s coming!!!

They both lost their families, but where Orym had the rest of his family, a purpose, a home, Laudna lost Everything and only had the voice of her murderer as comfort in the cold. So now they’re both taking on the power that destroyed their lives, but Orym can be rational and willing to have a discussion about doing so, while Laudna absolutely Cannot do the same because of how entwined she is with Delilah (with Delilah quite literally guiding her actions in addition to the years of psychological manipulation and abuse), and so they’re the same and yet so utterly different that they keep coming up against this fundamental inability to understand the other’s position because despite the same underlying motivations, their responses are so different.

Why would you reach for a darker power, why can you not understand why I’m doing this, why can you not see I’m doing this For You. Distorted reflections of each other wanting to be understood and at a loss when faced with the differences between them, what a fucking dynamic.

#critical role #cr spoilers #cr3 #Laudna #orym of the air ashari #sorry for the long post this episode made me insane #Orym knows Ludinus is more powerful than Otohan but to him Otohan is the most powerful version of who he could be #just like Delilah is for Laudna #‘the sword wasn’t the power that killed his family Otohan was’ and by that logic what do you think Delilah’s magic is #it’s the tool they used to deal damage which is now being wielded by their victim #I do think Orym is more capable of understanding Laudna’s position than vice versa #due to the aforementioned Evil Witch Who Killed Her In Laudna’s Brain Who Is Constantly Manipulating Her #which doesn’t absolve Laudna of her actions nor is it fair to demand Orym constantly be the more understanding person #but it’s why their conflict and Laudna’s actions feel realistic #‘’Laudna was being so unreasonable and destructive this episode’ yes. I wonder why.

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munson-blurbs · 6 months ago

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Living After Midnight (Failed Rockstar!Eddie x Motel Worker!Reader)

♫ Summary: Eddie asked you on a date. Maybe. Possibly. But you definitely accepted. (5.6k words)

♫ CW: slowburn, strangers-to-lovers, angst, anxiety, parental conflict, poverty, mentions of sex, Reader wears a miniskirt, drinking, tipsiness, idiots in love, eventual smut (18+ only, minors DNI)

♫ Divider credit to @hellfire--cult

chapter ten: this foolish lover's game

“I’m telling you: it’s a date.”

Nora flicked through the items on the clearance rack, searching for something in your size. She pulled out a floral shirt, wrinkled her nose, and promptly put it back.

“It’s 1993. A guy and a girl can hang out without it being something romantic,” you retorted, trying to ignore the fuzziness that filled your head at the potential classification of your upcoming night out with Eddie as a ‘date.’

“Very true. But that’s not the case here.” Nora sighed at the limited clothing choices and at your stubbornness. She stalked over to a rack of regularly-priced skirts, evidently on a mission. “And you know it, too, which is why you asked me to help you choose a new outfit.”

You had done that, though you definitely regretted it now. It had been so long since you’d actually gone out with friends that you really did need new clothes, but you had no idea where to start.

Enter Nora: best friend extraordinaire. She was just as great at finding clothes that flatter your figure as she was at being a study buddy. Her opinion mattered to you; it was necessary, especially considering the way you currently teemed with self-doubt.

She plucked a denim miniskirt from the lineup and held it against your waist. “Go try this on,” she said. You reached for the price tag, almost certain that it was out of budget, but she clamped her hand over yours. “My treat. Now, go.”

There was no arguing with her, not while she was shooing you into the dressing room. She clasped your shoulders as she steered you towards a curtain, yanked it open, and shoved you inside. “I’ll wait here,” she said.

You closed the curtain once again, unbuttoning your shorts and letting them fall to the thin carpet below you.

The skirt hung on its hanger, buttons all along the front, and it was impossible not to imagine Eddie being the one undoing them. His nimble fingers would dance across the seam as he positioned himself between your legs. You could practically feel his hands as they crept further upwards towards that dangerously sensitive part of you—

“Can we stop by the food court when you’re done? I’m dying for one of those cinnamon pretzels.”

The sound of Nora’s voice instantly cooled your heating skin. “Y-Yeah, sure,” you stammered.

Focus on that, you silently reprimanded yourself. Focus on Auntie Anne’s or Orange Julius or Panda Express—not Eddie tracing his tongue along your inner thighs.

You stepped into the skirt, warding off any lingering Eddie-related thoughts. Monday night would be like hanging out with Nora or Ben. There was no need to worry about your hair, or your clothes, or your makeup. Eddie was a friend, and only a friend, despite what absurdities your other friends planted in your head.

With the last button fastened, you allowed yourself to glance at your reflection in the mirror. The denim hugged your curves delicately, providing just a hint of what laid beneath without giving too much away. It looked odd paired with the old t-shirt you’d thrown on this morning, but the right top would make a world of difference.

Nora clapped her hands together the moment you opened the curtain. Her brown eyes lit up, and a soft squeal of excitement emanated from her throat.

“You’re gonna have Eddie eating out the palm of your hand,” she declared, reaching out to give you a little spin.

You gently pulled away from her as though it would offset the fluttering low in your stomach. “I told you, it’s—”

“Yeah, I know. Just two friends going to the bar, pretending they don’t wanna bone each other.” Nora rolled her eyes, already sick of the will they-won’t they song-and-dance.

You ducked back into the fitting room to change out of the skirt. “He doesn’t wanna bone me.”

“But you wanna bone him?”

It came out as a question, but you knew she meant as a statement.

“First of all, stop saying ‘bone.’” You hissed, tugging your shorts back over your legs. “Second, Eddie and I are friends, and he’s taking me out for graduation. End of story.”

Nora’s sigh was audible from the other side of the curtain. “Not ‘end of story.’ You didn’t answer my question. Do you wanna b—have sex with Eddie?”

Your hesitation was enough of an answer for her, and though you couldn’t see her face, you were certain she was grinning when she announced, “I knew it!”

“It’s not like that,” you protested. The fitting room was suddenly far too crowded and depleted of oxygen despite you being its only occupant. You threaded the teeth into your shorts zipper and grabbed the skirt, now heavy in your hand. “Yeah, he’s pretty cute, but—”

“But nothing. C’mon, just admit it: you like Eddie.” You could detect a hint of exasperation in her tone. Frustration, even, or confusion as to why you continually denied yourself life’s small pleasures.

You couldn’t answer that, either.

Protest died with the subtle twitch of your lips that gave away the truth. You hated your tells, the ones that swiftly uncovered the feelings you worked diligently to stifle. And you knew that if Nora kept pressing you about this crush, you would eventually break down and divulge it all.

Not just your burgeoning romantic feelings towards Eddie. Not the way you told bad jokes just to see his lopsided smile and the nose crinkle that often accompanied it. Not the multiple occasions when you caught yourself staring at the muscles in his arms and ached to kiss right along the hardened edge of his biceps.

Once you said those thoughts out loud, gave them the weight of spoken words, they became real. Able to hurt you when he inevitably didn’t reciprocate them.

And that terrified you.

“You have a big ol’ crush on him,” Nora continued, “and he has one on you.”

“He doesn’t have a crush on me,” you mumbled, purposely averting your gaze from hers.

Through peripheral vision, you could see her raise one brow. “Says who?”

Says the song lyrics about his ex-girlfriend. But that was too much to explain, so you slapped on a tight smile and shook the thought away. “Never mind. Let’s just pay for this.”

Nora swiped her credit card with an ease that only comes with the luxury of not having to worry about paying the water bill. She never had to dip into her own savings to keep the lights on. Buying her friend a miniskirt for a maybe-date wasn’t going to affect her grocery budget.

“I have the perfect pair of Docs to go with this. You can borrow them,” she said, pointedly adding “for your date.” She was either oblivious or didn’t care that the cashier was eavesdropping on your conversation.

“Not a date.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Nora plucked the bagged skirt from the cashier, flashed her a grateful smile, and shoved it in your direction. “Just answer one question for me—are you gonna wear lace panties underneath this, or cotton?”

When you once again failed to look at her, her grin widened.

“That’s what I thought.”

On Monday evening, you found yourself poised in front of the mirror, still fogged from your shower. The inky blue sky leaked into your room through the time-worn blinds, the sun almost fully faded into nighttime, which meant that Eddie would be knocking on your door at any moment.

The hem of your black fitted t-shirt met the waist of your skirt, the slightest gap between the two fabrics. It wasn’t scandalous by any stretch of the imagination, but it still conveyed one message: you wanted Eddie to look at you. Wanted him to notice your soft skin the way you noticed his flexing muscles, with awe and more lust than you cared to admit.

Did it all reek of desperation? What if Eddie was wearing the sweatpants he’d donned to remove the wallpaper? Just the possibility of him looking at your own outfit, at the effort you put into your appearance, and realizing you’d interpreted a friendly gesture as a date had you cringing.

No, this was a bad idea. You had to back out, now. Claim that you weren’t feeling well, maybe even take some ibuprofen in front of him, and promise a raincheck. You did feel the familiar throbbing that accompanied a tension headache, so it wasn’t a total lie—

Knock knock.

Sweat overrode the antiperspirant you’d lathered on, flooding you with a nervous heat. You frantically wiped your slick palms on the bed sheet like a cat at its scratching post and opened the door.

Eddie's eyes widened and his tongue brushed over his lower lip. There was no hiding the way his gaze dropped to your exposed thighs, drinking in every ounce of visible skin as though it was the only sustenance he’d ever need. His stare was hungry, if only for a moment, before his words broke the trance.

“You look…good. Pretty.” He swallowed thickly and forced himself to meet your eyes. “Sorry…just not used to seeing you all dressed up.”

Pretty. Eddie Munson thought you were pretty. The notion sent serotonin surging through you, a soft giggle passing through your lips. It was embarrassing, this schoolgirl crush, the way a simple word from him rendered you pathetically speechless.

A barrage of compliments perched themselves on your tongue, waiting to be untethered. He looked good, too; beyond that, he looked handsome. His cream colored shirt was baggy around his torso but clung to his biceps, drawing your attention to the vein that ran up his forearm.

You willed yourself to say something, anything, to reciprocate his kind words.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, mirroring your nervous energy as he gently rocked from the heel to the toe of his Reeboks. “We should get going,” he said.

Opportunity slipped from your grasp; anything you said now would seem like pity. Your only response was a nod as you locked the door and started towards the lobby.

Pretty. Pretty. Pretty.

Mom stood behind the desk, flipping through the check-in sheets with the cap end of a pen clenched between her teeth. She looked up, blinking in rapid succession when she saw you and Eddie approaching. You weren’t sure what surprised her more: you going out, or the man accompanying you.

“Well, don’t you two look nice!” She grinned, though the smile didn’t quite reach her tired eyes. “What’s the occasion?”

“Just getting a drink,” you said as casually as you could. “Celebrating my—the wallpaper.” It was a lame finish, one that Mom didn’t quite believe, but she lacked the energy to push further.

Guilt panged in your chest, not just at the lie, but because part of you felt like you were taking advantage of her exhaustion. You couldn’t tell her the real reason for the celebration; bile rose in your throat at the thought. Instead, you smiled and promised to be home before the start of your shift.

“I’ll make sure she behaves,” Eddie added with a mischievous edge, not sexual in nature but still had your stomach doing somersaults. “I know she can be quite the troublemaker.”

Mom laughed at this, so pure and genuine that you were half-tempted to ask Eddie if you could stay here and talk with her all night. Maybe he could break the news to her, since they seemed to get on well enough.

You felt her watch as Eddie opened the door for you and gave the tiniest bow to let you pass, though you didn’t dare look back at her. Not because she wouldn’t approve—just the opposite. Looking at your mother would confirm what you already knew deep down: she’d be beaming at the sight of you going on a date.

If that’s what this was.

Eddie shuffled to walk right by your side, sneakers scuffing against the broken pavement. A flicker of hope ignited within you that he would do something to confirm that this was, in fact, a romantic endeavor and not just two friends getting a drink. Perhaps an arm slung over your shoulder or a hand laced with yours.

There was only the gentle brush of his fingers against yours, knuckles grazing one another as they nearly slotted together. It was taunting, the way they could be a perfect fit if given the chance.

You almost went for it, almost grabbed hold of his hand yourself, but fear had you in its own grasp. Even if the benefit outweighed the risk, you couldn’t stop picturing him tugging his hand away from yours in a humiliating show of rejection.

“You okay? You’re not, like, mad at me again, are you?” Concern creased Eddie’s brows, and your heavy heart realized that the last time you were this quiet around him was after the argument.

“Not at all. Sorry.” You shot him a reassuring smile. “Just lost in my own thoughts.” You sent up a silent prayer that he wouldn’t ask you to elaborate on those thoughts.

Luckily, he just tilted his head towards you, his eyes taking on an even more doe-like quality than usual. “That’s the problem with you smart people: you’re always thinking too much.”

You laughed as you nudged him, your right shoulder colliding with his left. He stumbled slightly, quickly catching himself before he could fully lose his balance.

“Hey!” He yelped, rubbing his upper arm. The muscles beneath it flexed at his touch. “Don’t damage the merchandise.”

“I wouldn’t dare. I…” You shook your nerves loose and faced him, speaking before you fully lost yourself in his full, waiting lips. “I’d never damage merchandise as priceless as you.”

Eddie stopped in his tracks, the compliment seemingly rebooting his brain. Was it too forward? No, it couldn’t have been; he’d called you pretty just moments before. And it wasn’t as if you’d been forward enough to say he was sexy (though he was) or accidentally emasculated him by pointing out how adorable his soft dimples were (another fact).

His exhale was a disbelieving chuckle. “I, uh, don’t think anyone’s called me ‘priceless’ before. ‘Worthless,’ maybe, but…” He trailed off in an attempt to contain it as a lighthearted joke, but it was anchored by an undeniable truth.

If you could, you would wash away the ego-marring stains left behind by those who hurt him. Scrub and scrub until it was once again pristine as though they’d never been tarnished by self-doubt.

“Priceless.” You said it definitively, leaving no room for further argument.

Eddie ducked behind his hair, letting the curly locks dangle over his mouth to mask his flustered smile. You were willing to bet that a blush was spreading across the apples of his cheeks.

Curiosity loosened your inhibitions enough for you to reach out and tuck a few strands behind his ear. Sure enough, a delicate pink tinged his skin. You wanted to kiss it until your lips grew swollen from where his stubble scratched them raw.

Doing that would require something far more potent than inquisitiveness.

There was a decent crowd that night, not as packed as the weekend would have been, but there were enough people that only one empty stool remained in front of the bar. Eddie gestured to it, offering you the seat just as he had on the subway last week.

You tucked the denim fabric of your skirt behind your thighs as you sat. Eddie watched every movement, an unreadable desire darkening his expression, as if he wished it were his fingers on your skin.

Your smile seemed to snap him from his trance. He waved down the bartender, who held up her forefinger to signal she would be right over.

A shadow draped over you as you scanned the liquor-cluttered shelves, bathing you in a welcoming darkness. Protection. Eddie’s arms framed your torso, his hands planted firmly on the bartop. And when you lightly grasped his wrist, your thumb rubbing against the soft hairs on his arm, you could have sworn you felt the tension leave his body in one swift exhale.

“What are you gonna get?” The grainy pop music playing from the speakers and a cacophony of neighboring conversations muffled his voice, and he had to shout just to be heard.

“A vodka tonic.” Simple, classic, and most importantly—not expensive. Though you probably should let him be the judge of that, considering it was his treat. “If that’s okay?”

Eddie laughed softly and nodded. “It’s your night, Heiress.” The tip of his tongue swiped over his lower lip.

He ordered your drink first, then placed his order for whatever beer was on tap before declining to open a tab. Your chest went slightly concave; you should have followed his lead and ordered the cheaper option.

As if sensing your guilt, Eddie pulled back enough to look you in the eye. “It’s your night,” he repeated, grabbing your short, stout glass and placing it in your hand. He raised his own taller mug, proposing a toast. “To a badass future social worker and all of the lives she’s gonna change. For the better,” he added quickly.

Before he could clink his glass to yours, you locked eyes with him. The brown eyes that steeled themselves against you the night he first checked into the motel were now pillow-soft, beckoning you to fall. He may not have even been aware of it himself.

“To the coolest rockstar I know,” you said, allowing the lips of your glasses to touch. “And the second-coolest guest to ever stay at the motel.”

Eddie raised a brow. “Second?”

“You really think you’re cooler than Phyllis?”

“Touché.” He relented with a smirk, taking a swig of his drink that left a foamy mustache on his upper lip. Without a second thought, he licked it away.

The movement enraptured you: his tongue swiping over his skin, leaving no residue in its wake. That same tongue that peeked out from his mouth when he was focused, a simple muscle, but it held your attention for a beat too long.

“Are you…” Eddie gestured towards your vodka tonic, and you realized you hadn’t even taken a sip.

Cheers to embarrassing yourself ten minutes into the date. Non-date. Whatever it was.

The vodka’s bitterness and the bubbles from the tonic water seeped into your tongue. You savored the burn as you swallowed. It had been so long since you’d had a drink, and just the first taste had you buzzing. If you didn’t pace yourself properly, you’d be tipsy far too soon.

The sound system crackled and microphone feedback shot through the bar. You and Eddie winced in unison, each taking a gulp of your drinks.

A man in his mid-thirties, balding with a goatee, stood at a makeshift stage at the back of the bar. “Welcome to Music Mondays here at The Brink. That’s right…it’s karaoke night!”

There was a smattering of applause that didn’t match the emcee’s enthusiasm, but he remained undeterred.

“Sign up here with your name and your song, and we’ll get started in a few minutes. Drink that liquid courage and come on down!” The microphone screeched once more as he slid it back into the stand.

You turned to Eddie, your eyes wide with mischief. “You’re gonna do it, right?”

Eddie scoffed. “Fuck, no. I’m not getting up there and making a fool of myself.”

“But it’s my night,” you reminded him. “You said so yourself.”

He looked poised to argue, one hand gripped tightly around the mug’s handle, his mouth ready to say no. But then you batted your eyelashes and pouted, all in jest. A dramatic showing that you didn’t expect would convince him.

A wry smile betrayed his tough exterior as his thumb ghosted your lower lip. Lightning crackled at his touch, soft as it was, illuminating your bones and surging through your veins. When he pulled back, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat, a light red stain tinged his skin. If he noticed it, he made no attempt to wipe it off.

“It is your night,” he mused, gaze flickering to your mouth before promptly returning to your eyes. When you lit up in anticipation of him conceding, he couldn’t help but grin back. “One song. And I’m choosing it.”

You couldn’t argue with him, not when his touch still lingered on your lip. He disappeared for a moment to add his name to the list. As soon as he was out of sight, you took a much larger gulp of your drink. A trickle escaped out of the corner of your mouth, and you haphazardly swiped at it with the back of your hand, lest it ruin the shirt you’d picked out especially for the date.

This isn’t a date. The reminder was as harsh as the vodka itself. You lifted the glass once more and drained it until the half-melted ice cubes clicked against your teeth. Whatever this evening was, you needed to relax. Enjoy Eddie’s company without reading too much into his every move.

You turned your attention to the TV mounted above the shelves, engrossing yourself in the scrolling closed captions. A weatherman announced that this summer was going to be a ‘scorcher,’ and though he said it with a plastic grin, you inwardly cringed at the impact the air conditioning would have on the electric bill.

“I’m up third.” Eddie’s voice broke in, turning the upcoming weather into a distant memory. He raised his brows when he saw your glass, now empty on the sticky bartop. “You finished that already?”

“Mhm.” Your smile was sloppier than you intended, your head starting to float from your neck as tipsiness crept in.

Eddie breathed out, shaking his head with a glimmer of a smirk. You couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or impressed, and you didn’t have time to ask before he waved over the bartender. “Just water, please.” He nodded his thanks when she slid it over. “Drink,” he said to you, and you dutifully obliged.

“What song did you pick out?” Something that is supposed to be screamed more than sung, you assumed.

He just shook his head again and swallowed more beer. “It’s a surprise.” His eyes twinkled when he said it, and you wondered if his choice erred more on the side of Madonna than Metallica.

A woman got up on stage and began her rousing rendition of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

Peppy? Upbeat? A great way to kick off karaoke night? Absolutely.

On-key? Not even close.

“If you ever start a new band, you should ask her to join.” You chinpointed towards the woman currently butchering the Cyndi Lauper classic. “She’s got that star power, I think.”

Eddie snorted but composed himself quickly to play into your joke. “I’m worried she’d outshine me.” He widened his eyes in faux concern. “Go solo and leave me behind, y’know?”

“She’ll probably steal all of your groupies, too,” you added, tutting as if to say, what a shame.

“Even you?”

You cocked your brow. “Who said I’m your groupie?”

He leaned his elbow against the bar, mouth slackjaw at your rejection. Disbelieving laughter left his throat in a huff.

“I take you out, treat you to the best watered-down drink this city has to offer, and this is the thanks I get?” His curls brushed against his cheeks when he shook his head. “Who would you be a groupie for? Wait, no; lemme guess.” He tapped his finger to his chin. “New Kids on the Block? Boyz II Men?”

“I think I’d die if Joey McIntyre so much as looked at me.” You hadn’t meant to say that aloud. The watered-down or not, the alcohol was certainly turning sober thoughts into tipsy words.

Eddie chugged half of the beer, watching as the woman on stage finished her song and left with a triumphant bow. “Pretty sure your shitty taste in music is what plays at the gates of Hell,” he said to you.

Your response was a mere flick of your middle finger.

A man in a suit took the stage next, loosening his tie as he positioned himself behind the microphone. A group of similarly-dressed men started hooting and hollering obnoxiously the moment the opening chords to Don’t Stop Believin’ blared through the sound system.

You looked back to Eddie. If he was nervous about singing karaoke, he didn’t show it. His shoulders were relaxed, his posture much less tense than on the walk to the bar. Maybe the alcohol loosened him up as it had you.

“What about you?” You asked. “Whose groupie would you be?”

“Easy,” he said, not missing a beat. “Joan Jett. Total badass, killer musician, and hot as hell.” He nodded to confirm his choice before leaning in and loudly whispering. “Bad Reputation was basically my secret anthem in high school.”

You laughed. “Did you imagine it playing in the background when you walked down the halls?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Eddie grinned and polished off his beer.

His confession warmed you—or maybe that was just the vodka working its way through your bloodstream. Regardless, you were intrigued by the glimpse into his past and found yourself hungry for more.

“Can I ask you a non-groupie related question?”

“Shoot.”

Your tongue was heavy, the resulting slurring softening your words. “If your hometown is so shitty, why are you trying to go back?”

He loosened a chuckle, glancing at the shelves of booze before looking back to you. “My uncle still lives there. He, ah, he raised me after my dad split and my mom…y’know.” Eddie cleared his throat and managed a small smile. “Why? You want me to stick around?”

The hair on his forearm tickled when he slid it over to nudge you, his pinky finger overlapping yours.

Of course you wanted him to stick around. You’d smear honey all over the motel’s siding to lure more bees, tempt them to build their nests among the sticky sweetness, just so he would have a reason to stay.

The man on stage belted out his final “don’t stop believin’” as his buddies enveloped him in drunken hugs.

“All right!” The emcee bleated into the microphone. “Next up, we have…” He checked the sign-up sheet. “…Eddie! Let’s give him a hand, folks.”

A smattering of applause echoed throughout the room, the excitement of karaoke night already dwindling. If Eddie noticed, he didn’t show it.

“This one’s for you, Heiress.” He winked and sprinted towards the stage.

Eddie pressed his foot on the microphone stand, adjusting it so it was level with his lips. His fingers curled around its neck, dramatically tugging it closer as the instrumentals piped through the sound system.

Well, since my baby left me Well, I found a new place to dwell Well, it's down at the end of Lonely Street At Heartbreak Hotel

His hips swung back and forth, the gyrations not quite as precise as Elvis’s, but he still snapped them in time with the staccato guitar chords. The right heel of his sneakers tapped the floor as he continued, voice dipping into his lower register.

Where I'll be, I'll be so lonely, baby Well, I'm so lonely I'll be so lonely, I could die

Free hand pressed to his heart, Eddie leaned in your direction and tilted the mic stand while he sang. The movements were reminiscent of how a man would dance with someone he loved, impassioned yet graceful. Charisma oozed from every pore, his natural command of the stage an enduring reminder of his brief foray into rock stardom.

The other patrons faded into the background as his eyes fixed on you, a personal serenade rather than karaoke night amongst a sea of drunks. Easiness weaved through each note he sang, his body loosening and his lips curving into a smile when you let out a vodka-fueled whoop of admiration.

Now, the bellhop's tears keep flowin' And the desk clerk's dressed in black Well, they've been so long on Lonely Street Well, they'll never, they'll never look back

Eddie pointed to you when he referenced the desk clerk, the crowd following his every move. The heat of their stares only exacerbated the warmth that the alcohol already sent coursing through you, but you felt no need to hide. The rich timbre of his voice was a magnetic pull, drawing you in until it echoed deep in your bones.

Although it's always crowded But you still can find some room For broken hearted lovers To cry there in their gloom Where they get so, they get so lonely, baby Well, they're so lonely They'll be so lonely, they could die

He ended the song with one final swing of his hips, one foot turned inward in an Elvis-esque pose. If anyone else applauded for him, it couldn’t be heard over the sound of your cheers.

He made a beeline for you. “Did that live up to your expectations?” Sweat dripped from his flushed forehead and down his temples.

“Exceeded them, actually.”

The bartender slid over two shot glasses filled with amber liquid. “On the house,” she explained when you and Eddie looked at her in confusion.

You shouldn’t. The TV set that broadcasted the news showed that it was nearly nine o’clock and you were already tipsy from the one drink. Adding a shot—and subsequently mixing liquor—was a recipe for disaster.

“You don’t have to drink it if you don’t wanna,” Eddie said. “I’ll take them both.”

With a shake of your head, you took the glass nearest you and downed it, the whiskey burning stronger than you had anticipated. Tears reflexively welled in your eyes, leaving you clinging to the hope that you had blinked them away before Eddie could notice.

He let out a soft, low whistle. “Well, okay then.” His own shot disappeared past his grimacing lips.

A familiar synthesized beat replaced the idle hum of conversation as a middle-aged woman began her song. Eddie threw back his head when he heard it, groaning as though the ‘80s hit left him in agony.

“You’re such a music snob,” you lamented, reaching out with both of your hands to grab onto his. If this is what liquid courage felt like, you were more than happy to ride that wave. “There’s more to life than heavy metal.”

“I just sang Elvis!” He protested, but his efforts were all in vain as you hopped off of the barstool and led him away from your empty shot glasses. “Heiress…” His tone was a warning, one that you promptly ignored.

You let your gaze meet his, the vodka-and-whiskey combination working overtime to stifle your nerves.

“Dance with me.”

Eddie laughed. “You’re tipsy.”

“I’m tipsy and I want you to dance with me.”

“You wanna dance, huh?” He laughed again when you nodded. “All right; let’s dance.”

Eddie’s hands slid down to your wrists and adjusted your arms so they draped over his shoulders, his curls tickling your fingers when they clasped behind his neck. He hesitated for a second before letting his own fingertips rest on your waist, careful to avoid dipping below the small of your back.

Watching, I keep waiting, still anticipating love Never hesitating to become the fated ones

The current performer was marginally better than the first two, but her voice wasn’t nearly as polished as Eddie’s. She kept getting too close to the mic, the lyrics muffled each time her purple-lipsticked mouth grazed the cover.

You inched forward, your chest against Eddie’s as the two of you swayed in tandem. His fingers flexed before tugging you closer, evidence that you weren’t the only one affected by the shot.

“Can’t remember the last time I heard this song,” he mused wistfully. “Probably my senior prom. The last one, anyway.”

“You had more than one senior prom?”

His cheeks, already pinkened from the liquor, flushed a deeper shade of red. “Yeah, it, uh, took me a few tries to graduate,” Eddie admitted. “But I did it.” A sheepish smile still held a twinge of pride.

“You did it.”

“Yeah.” One arm reached back to grasp your hand and twirl you around, and you breathed an audible sigh of relief when the room didn’t spin with you. “But tonight,” he grinned, “is all about you.”

You. Not the motel or its crumbling financial infrastructure. Not the guests or your parents. Not school or exams or term papers. Just you.

An involuntary giggle wriggled its way up and you ducked your head to hide it, your forehead brushing against Eddie’s lips. Did he purse them slightly in a hint of a kiss, or was that a figment of your imagination?

Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watching in slow motion as you turn my way and say Take my breath away

“You okay?” Eddie asked, a smile in his voice.

“Mhm. Just happy.”

“Yeah? Good.” His forefinger tucked under your chin and tilted it upwards, granting him a better look at you. The tip of his tongue parted his lips and swiped over the whiskey-scented residue. “You deserve to be happy.”

You did deserve to be happy. You deserved joyful moments in your life, people who surrounded you in sunshine even when rain poured.

My love, take my breath away My love, take my breath away

You deserved Eddie.

Standing before you, his eyes never strayed from your form, flicking from your face to where his hands gripped your waist. His chest rose and fell in time with the music.

“I…” You swallowed your fear, already tempered by tipsiness, curling your fingers into the back of his ribbed t-shirt collar.

Desire rippled down your spine and you leaned in to close that godforsaken gap, already tasting him on your tongue.

But not before he pulled away.

taglist:

@theintimatewriter @mandyjo8719 @storiesbyrhi @lady-munson @moonmark98

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@sidthedollface2 @eddies-stinky-battle-jacket @mysteris-things @mrsjellymunson @josephquinnsfreckles

@the-disaster-in-waiting @eddielowe @hugdealer @rip-quizilla @munson-girl

@fishwithtitz @costellation-hunter @cloudroomblog @emsgoodthinkin

#eddie munson #eddie x reader #eddie stranger things #eddie munson x female reader #eddie x you #eddie munson x f!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson smut #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfic #fanfic #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things #lam

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mint-fixates · 4 months ago

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Post-TBOB Billford Thoughts

🔻 Long-winded rambling, run-on sentences, and TBOB Spoilers under the cut 🔻

Billford is so interesting to me because it's so easy to see how things COULD'VE worked in some alternate dimension. There's a world where Bill isn't so broken and doesn't prioritize endless distractions over genuine happiness. There's a world where Stanford was broken enough to join Bill (in fact, I feel it's implied that this was one of the possible futures for Ford that Bill saw when he was summoned).

There were moments after they met where I genuinely believe Ford could've helped Bill, or at least helped him help himself. Bill opening up to Ford as much as he could about destroying his home dimension sticks out to me so much because Bill can't even handle admitting his feelings about the "Second Dimension Incident" to HIMSELF. After that exchange, there is no doubt in my mind that Bill genuinely connected with and cared about Ford, probably more than he had with anyone outside of his long-dead family. And maybe in some other universe that could've been enough to inspire some amount of self-reflection and change.

With how much Ford worshipped Bill, and how desperate for connection and notoriety he was, it's not difficult to imagine him joining Bill. I think that if Bill was honest about his intentions and all potential positive influences in Ford's life (Stanley, Fiddleford) were never a factor or were gone for good, Ford would've happily joined him. Ford always aspired for greatness, but his hero complex really only began after Bill's betrayal was revealed. With the added context of his perspective in TBOB especially, it reads to me as his way of self-aggrandizing his pain, painting his personal vendetta as something purely altruistic both to others and to himself. I find it very telling that Ford refused to burn his research or dismantle the portal entirely after it's true purpose was revealed, deciding instead to destroy Bill. He prioritized his desire for greatness over doing whatever was necessary to protect the world. Bill could have easily twisted that desire into something that aligned with his goals under different circumstances.

But in canon, none of that matters, because there is no way for them to work as partners, or even as friends, ever again. After everything Bill put him and his family through in his desperation to hold onto Ford and his plans, there is no way Ford could ever forgive him. And he shouldn't. Even if the Theraprism worked perfectly and Bill was fully redeemed, I don't think there's anything the Bill we know could do or say that would convince the Ford we know to give him a second chance. Even if there was, Bill doesn't and will never deserve a second chance from Ford.

So when I say I ship Billford I'm not saying "these two as presented in canon could have a relationship again and I'd like it if that happened", I'm saying "I believe there are several 'what-if' scenarios where they could've worked, and those scenarios fascinate me".

#billford #tbob spoilers #me wordvomiting my barely coherent thoughts directly after finishing TBOB and asking “is this anything?”#i think everyone irl was getting sick of me infodumping about this damn ship so now i'm making it tumblr's problem instead lol #ALSO STANFORD PINES IS SUCH A COMPLEX AND FASCINATING CHARACTER I ADORE HIM WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING #pls don't think I'm badmouthing or demonizing him in this bc I would NEVER. he is my babygirl. but he is NOT a straightforward generic hero #and thank god for that. it would've been so easy to make him that stock wise heroic mentor figure but he's WAY more complex and interesting

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a-d-nox · 7 months ago

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pac/pap: how can you grow/blossom?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: how can you rejuvenate yourself this spring?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

don't fall for short-cuts. the process is why things work. taking time is a positive, not a hindrance that you may believe it to be. keep putting in effort daily - it will lead to long lasting results. be present and get enthusiastic about your projects - abundance breeds abundance. keep setting goals and take realistic steps to avoid burnout/disappointment. be patient - you are on your way.

your intuition is your friend - connect to your inner self/desires. try to keep a clear mind - you'll find the answers you seek are already inside of you. trust yourself.

there is ambition and then there is greed. stop pushing yourself or others to the extreme. very little is worth what you believe it is. you are on a path to burn out in that regard. take a moment and reflect on whether you are exhausting yourself or actually being productive.

pile two

take a minute - it's okay to standstill. you aren't behind or unable to move forward. you are "on pause" for a reason. there is something in front of you that still needs to be sorted out so take time and do so. in other words, focus on the present instead of pushing forward to the future.

you are very capable - realize that you are and accept that you are. just make that sure you keep your intentions and passions clear. your thoughts are likely to manifest quite quickly. you are powerful enough to create your own world.

right now something is out of balance in your life. having an equal give and take can be hard but it is necessary if you want to grow. start saying no to certain things, situations, and people to create more space in your life for what fulfills you.

pile 3

you work best alone - you are an independent person. stop trying to make yourself align with others when you are your own entity. seek your inner truth. align with it. spending time alone is not a negative - it is actually quite good for you and helps you to recharge and reconnect with your desires. do some soul-searching when you are alone, so you can connect with your inner truth/wisdom.

share your ideas with confidence. they are great you just have to believe in them and more importantly yourself. focus on your projects and passions because they are worthwhile. don't doubt your abilities/skills. you have what it takes to make a prosperous future for yourself.

you are in need of some self-care. so what if things don't go as planned? that's fine - all in the universe's plan. when things don't go according to your plan, realize/understand that the universe is guiding you where you are meant to be. be kind to yourself in the meantime. things will get better - trust the universe.

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is-the-fire-real · 9 months ago

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Another bit on the pro-Pal fandom, this one axiomatic

Being a good person is not the same thing as pretending as though you believe you are a good person.

Being a good person takes work. You have to do stuff. Doing stuff is hard. Doing good stuff is harder, because you have to put thought into determining what you think is good beforehand. That requires self-reflection, honesty, a willingness to challenge oneself, and taking in information from other people to verify that your concept of "good" is, well, good.

The nice part is that once you evaluate what is good and start doing good things, it becomes easier. You gain inner calm, peace, and even joy.

("Good" is not always the same as "necessary". Necessary work can be a slog, or it can be horrific. But there can still be a calming satisfaction at the core, the security that this is necessary and therefore worthwhile.)

Pretending to believe you are a good person takes less immediate work. You don't have to do anything that positively impacts the real world, and you don't have to do any of that annoying, time-consuming self examination. But in the long run, it's more exhausting. By far.

You are insecure about whether or not you are a good person. You're pretending to believe you are good. You can't feel secure in something you pretend to believe. That insecurity gnaws at you, especially when you engage in bad behavior--harassment, doxxing, posting gore, swarming tags, encouraging and promoting suicide among your fellow "activists", telling your opponents to kill themselves, stalking, spamming unrelated content with literal Nazi propaganda.

None of those are good things good people do. And you understand that. You would think someone was bad if they did those things to you. The cognitive dissonance between who you want to be and who you really are, as determined by your actions, is scary. It's painful. It rears up every time someone you have labeled a Zio colonizer scumbag asks you to please just stop and you remember a time when you begged someone--an abuser, a troll online, a 4channer, your parents--to just stop please just leave me alone.

That must feel terrifying, and again, it makes you insecure. It makes you question if you're doing the right thing.

So you do the work to pretend to believe you are good. And that's far more work than goes into being good.

You recruit others, and all of you agree that you will pretend together. Tabletop gaming has taught us how powerful this imaginative play can be. You all reassure each other that you are good and you are right. But since you're all lying to each other, that means you must spend more, and more, and more time every day telling each other that you are good, chasing that high, that feeling that you are a good person and your actions are justified.

You tell each other that your "opponents" in this "battle" are not people, so anything you say or do to and about them is okay. You look at lists of "dehumanizing tactics" and instead of internalizing what those lists are teaching you, you go: "Ah, so if I don't use the word 'vermin', anything I say should be fine!" And then you say it.

You do not smile over good news. You only smile when one of your opponents logs off Tumblr because you made the site unusable and unsafe for them. (The expression you make there isn't really a smile, but we'll call it that, since the corners of your mouth do turn upward.) You tell yourself you're just attacking Zionists and pretend you do not see how you're really going after Jews.

No self-examination; that would mean admitting that you're lying to yourself and others. Instead, you traumatize and exhaust yourself until you're psychologically incapable of self-examination. You watch snuff films. You stare at mangled bodies until you're weeping and physically ill (certainly, you're too ill to check whether the video is real, or if it was taken from this conflict).

You force your beliefs into your fandom spaces so that others, the bad people, cannot escape their complicity in genocide.

But more importantly, you do that so you can't escape.

You cannot engage in any fandom but the pro-Pal fandom because that takes imaginative energy away from your biggest pretense--that you're a good person.

You are NOT hurting people because you are striking a blow for Palestinians. You are hurting people, including yourself, because you do not want to do the work of becoming a good person. You are afraid that self examination, at this point, will reveal to you that you are exactly the sort of person you believe you are fighting.

That fear, that insecurity, that dread, that restless sense that if you ever rest or stop or think for just a moment, you'll discover something awful? That's your conscience.

I do not ask you to change your mind about your political opponents. Your defenses are already on your lips and in your mind; a thousand How Dare Yous for me hinting that you look at other people as people. What I will ask you is to consider this.

I came to young adulthood just as Bush was elected, and the Iraq War post-9/11 was the first war I really followed as an adult. I did what you're doing now. I forced myself to look at photographs of destroyed bodies. I looked at photographs of torture perpetrated by US soldiers. I blogged about it obsessively.

I told myself that I was Doing My Part to end the war. But really, it's that the anxiety of being an American during the war made me insecure over whether or not I was responsible for all of this, and therefore, a bad person. If I pretended my looking at snuff photos was activism, and that it was good, then I could pretend to believe I was good and shout "Not in my name" at protests. I could deny my responsibility.

What I really did was traumatize myself. It's been almost twenty years. I can still see some of those torture pictures in my head. In the end, that is the extent of the impact of my online activism. The blogs are all long deleted, and nobody remembers them.

Only my trauma remains.

I do not want this for you. I want you to be wiser. There is still time. You can stop.

Stop hurting yourself and other people. Do the hard work. Examine yourself and your actions. Consider what your own heart is trying to tell you whenever you start to get the shakes and your throat gets tight. Do not take that feeling out on random people online because they have a Magen David in their pfp.

Once you have done the hard work, it gets easier. You will be able to advocate and work for whatever causes you believe in because you know they are good, not because you're joining your friends in cosplaying goodness. You will still be traumatized, and you will still be sad, and you'll definitely still get angry. You will have to face how you've acted exactly like your own past abusers, and that's a real tough row to hoe.

But at the end, you will be able to advocate and work because you want to, instead of feeling as though you must in order to keep up the masquerade.

#free gaza #free palestine #palestine #politics as fandom #suicide #torture #trauma #worse than slacktivism #abuse #is-the-fire-real original #g-d damn it you've got to be kind #i understand you won't listen to this. it's okay if you don't #i may have addressed “you” but i was soothing my own conscience #because i think it's a good thing to tell people to stop harming themselves and others #and it's not my responsibility to change your behavior #it's yours #i'm also not addressing your antisemitic actions #not because you aren't doing that #but because that is between you and your dark night of the soul

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oraclemoontarot · 2 months ago

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what your nct dream bias says about you 𓂃⊹ tarot reading

little fun reading on the general personality of a fan who biases a certain member.

This is a general reading on the personalities of all those who bias a specific member so, there could be individual differences, take what resonates!!

mark ౨ৎ

cards pulled: seven of wands, sun, hanged man, wheel of fortune, queen of swords, hermit, four of pentacles, magician, eight of wands, snow leopard: self-reliance, lady bug: good luck, wolf: pathfinder, sea otter: happiness, loon: intuitive

Mark Lee stans are generally busy bees. You work hard for things that make you happy, things that you are passionate towards. Just like Mark himself, you embody warmth and happiness, spreading your positivity and light; your joy is contagious. You also have a different perspective on various things, such as your views on the world, concepts, and others' opinions. You likely have a wide range of skills, or at least one which you are focused on and others could have a high regard for. Whatever you set your mind on, you achieve. There are various sides to you, constantly changing, constantly evolving. The person you were yesterday is not the person you are today.

As the queen of swords, you are quite intellectual, a strong presence, oftentimes viewed as cold when, internally, you are far from that. But you do set clear boundaries, never letting others overstep. There are times when you retreat into your shell, guarded and reserved, or embracing your solitude to let yourself reflect. After retreating, you come out even stronger, more self-assured, and confident in your decisions. You could be quite good with your finances as well, sometimes holding back more than what is necessary or beneficial to you. It could also mean that there are moments when you hold back on sharing your ideas and views with others, especially as it may be something valuable. But you are a creator. Whatever you want or wish for, you have the power to make happen. You are fast-moving, dedicated, strong, and with a lot of willpower. You have an appreciation for art, people, and your own mind and solitude. You really do have an incredible mind; your thoughts are intricate and intellectual. There is so much people could learn from you, having the ability to influence and educate others, to give them the opportunity to think and explore.

With the animal oracle, you are self-reliant. A very independent person who embraces solitude, often finding strength through spending time in your own company. You value integrity, with a strong intuition, and may have a tendency to be a perfectionist. But you have such bright, lucky energy. Just being in your presence fills others with joy and makes them feel lucky in some way—lucky to be next to you, lucky to receive that contagious good energy. You don't have much time to worry; you focus on the present, having so much love and color to you. You are not one to live or dwell on the past. You may be like that of a teacher to others, helping them find their way through guidance, advice, or even lending an ear to them. Whatever challenge comes your way, you have a strong, unwavering soul and character—able to endure, persevere, and be resilient, especially when it involves those you love.

You likely have a playful nature to you, enjoying every moment of every day, oftentimes going with the flow. You have such a loving nature, wearing your heart on your sleeve, and being such a warm, caring, and kind individual, one most would value. You have so much trust within yourself—your own opinions, thoughts, and feelings come first when it comes to forming decisions about your own life, having this inner knowing, this powerful intuition. The busier life is for you, the more likely you are to enjoy and seek your own solitude—not in a lonely way, but likely as a way to recharge. You appreciate your authenticity, your uniqueness, and you have a strong sense of self-love.

── .✦ songs by nct dream that represent you:

best friend

pretzel (♡)

yogurt shake

renjun ౨ৎ

cards pulled: fool, star, judgment, knight of swords, six of pentacles, six of wands, strength, nine of cups, two of cups, orca whale: adventure, bison: abundance, heron: patience, white stag: protector, pronghorn: action

Renjun stans have such a rich inner world, embracing their inner child and having this immense amount of curiosity and eagerness for adventure. You may often smile a lot, having a contagious happy energy. There is also this dreamer and optimistic side to you; you may even have one big dream that you wish to achieve someday. But there is something comforting, sweet, and pretty about you and your energy. You know who you are, who you're meant to be, and what you are meant to do in this world and life. You may have gone through a self-awakening, knowing what your destiny or purpose is. You may also have impulsive or go-getter tendencies, not wasting a second in pursuing what interests you or towards your goals.

You are generous, both in your time and energy. You never hesitate in helping others; gift-giving may even be your love language. There is also a possibility that you may donate to charities or causes, or support your friends and family if they are in need, not hesitating in sharing your resources. You may even be popular or well-liked by those around you, or at the very least, successful in whatever you do—whether with academics, career, personal hobbies, skills, or interests. There is this inner strength and independence to you, and that comes from knowing who you are. You value the little things in life; the little moments are so, so special to you. You appreciate beauty such as art, music, nature, etc. And you value the time you spend with people and deep, meaningful connections. You have a lot of love and even a cuteness to you that people can't help but adore.

You love doing things differently from others, being as wild, free, and authentic as possible. You may be someone who is unafraid to voice their own mind, and you may love to travel and explore various cultures! You, at your core, are loyal, confident, brave, powerful, and have a deep value and appreciation towards your friends and family. You have so much wisdom, as well as gratitude and warmth. You know how to balance between your drive and alone time, finding a sense of patience. You are also a protector, an old soul with a strong intuition. You have your own 'magic' and strength, the power to influence and motivate others, but also a sense of creativity, art, and passion. You are action-oriented, acting immediately when opportunities arise. You have a quick wit and sense, often finding success with ease.

── .✦ songs by nct dream that represent you:

glitch mode

yogurt shake

chewing gum

we go up

jeno ౨ৎ

cards pulled: page of cups, hanged man, high priestess, three of cups, ten of cups, four of wands, page of swords, knight of swords, emperor, raven: shaman, heron: patience, white stag: protector, moose: wisdom, raccoon: inventor

Jeno stans are romantic idealists at heart. You may believe in concepts such as fate, destiny, soulmates, and the mystical—filling your heart with romance tropes and an eagerness for true, meaningful love. You likely value family and want to find a long-term partner, someone you could build a family or home with, as it is something that would bring you this sense of content, this peace and love which fills your whole heart.

You have an incredible perspective and view on the world, especially with relationships. People are intrigued by your mind, but also your mysterious nature. You are incredibly attractive, and there is something about you that pulls people in, like this depth, this inner-knowing and something mystical. It's like, even if people have known you for years, there's still so much to you—it's like trying to point out every star in the sky; that is how much depth there is to you. You likely enjoy socialising, going out, or networking—finding joy in interacting with others.

You have a wide range of ideas and goals, possibly loving to travel as well. You may be good at communicating and always looking towards the future, but with this drive where you act on your goals as well, not one to miss out on opportunities. But you are also a protector. You are a pillar within your family and connections; you look after others and provide support, you are a source of strength.

You are both a creator and a magician. You know how to use your gifts, skills, and resources for good and have a power and wisdom to all the words you speak, harboring a sense of mystery and inner wisdom. You have a balance between living in your head and in reality. You are a dreamer who is grounded in logic, but you are also patient and bring a sense of comfort and stillness in terms of your presence when with others. You are a protector, an old soul who has a strong intuition. You are meant to create blessings in yours and others' lives—an inventor who has integrity and balances between various roles and responsibilities.

── .✦ songs by nct dream that represent you:

it's yours

fireflies

dreaming

breathing

haechan ౨ৎ

cards pulled: page of cups, moon, seven of wands, lovers, seven of pentacles, knight of swords, high priestess, four of pentacles, two of cups, dragonfly: magic, lynx: keeper of secrets, sea otter: happiness, humpback whale: singer, deer: love

Haechan stans are generally dreamers. There is this childlike nature to you, likely believing in concepts such as fate, soulmates, destiny, or the mystical and spiritual. There is this playfulness, and something about you or your energy that most would see as cute or sweet. You may live in your head a lot, where people would naturally be intrigued by you as you're mysterious, seeing you as someone with a lot of depth and a lot that they don't know about you, even after years of being close with you. You could be a hard worker, or at least put a lot of your energy and effort into relationships you value. You are a romantic at heart, often spending time daydreaming about certain romantic tropes, though in reality, you could be quite reserved, cautious, or closed off to romance, preferring the way it exists in your own mind as the story plays just how you like it—safe and warm.

You're naturally a patient person who could have impulsive tendencies due to your excitement—possibly random hyper fixations that you suddenly feel passionate about and want to enjoy. Many would view you as attractive, especially with your energy, linking back to your mysterious nature, but equally because of you knowing who you really are. There is something authentic and true to you. You present yourself the way you are—nothing more and nothing less. You may even be good at tarot. There is this inner knowing to you, this strong intuition. Lies and false intentions can't get past you.

With the two of cups, your overall energy is one of love and meaningful connections. That is what is most important to you: authenticity, real connections, and deep emotions tied to deep relationships. You have a lot of love to give, but you are also deserving of that amount of love back.

With the oracle cards, you are someone who is constantly changing, unafraid of improving yourself and your life. You are able to move on from the past, not letting it hold you back—you are someone with this magic to you, this undeniable strength that presents itself in a light, beautiful, and graceful way. You value honesty just as much as you value loyalty and keeping secrets safe. You are an observer, someone who listens and watches more than speaks. You also have this inner knowing with other people; you can see deception, feel when someone is hiding something or isn't doing too well but pretends they're fine. You also seem to enjoy your own company and space, finding your strength through spending time with yourself. You have such a positive and happy energy to you, as well as this cute innocence.

There is something so friendly and approachable about you, where you are filled with gentle and loving energy, seeing the positives in everything and everyone, valuing and acknowledging your sense of self-worth and self-respect. You may even be someone who tends to go with the flow, being a healer for those around you, appreciating art, good things, good people, and the world itself. You have a strong sense of purpose and never stray from your path.

── .✦ songs by nct dream that represent you:

my first and last

walk you home

rains in heaven

dear dream

as a haechan stan, I was severely called out 😭

jaemin ౨ৎ

cards pulled: three of cups, two of cups, seven of pentacles, queen of pentacles, queen of wands, four of swords, magician, four of wands, king of cups, penguin: authentic, cat: independent, moose: wisdom, dog: friend, hawk: messenger

Jaemin stans value friendships and meaningful connections. You don't appreciate superficial relationships, seeking only those that are deep, loving, and authentic. You are likely to be social butterflies, or at least prefer having a group of friends, at least three close people in your life. You are patient, especially when it comes to your goals and dreams, feeling like the rewards would likely be guaranteed and abundant that way. You are someone who has two sides to you, yet nurturing at heart. On one side, you value safety, security, and finances, making a house a home, and are grounded and humble. On the other end, you are passionate, creative, enthusiastic, sociable, warm, confident, and welcoming, and most would find you attractive, especially with your energy.

When you are hurt, stressed, or overwhelmed, you seek solitude, prioritising your health and comfort, letting yourself heal and relax before going back out into the world. At heart, you are a creative and a romantic. You may believe in marriage and seek long-term relationships, being really loving and expressive. Whatever you want, you'll get as well. Just like Mark-biased NCTzens, you know how to turn your dreams into reality. You could also love fantasy novels or romance films/books, embracing your inner child and finding ways to bring love and joy into your life. Overall, you are a mature person, especially emotionally. Sometimes, you may be intimidating, but you are so loving and a protector toward those you care about. You don't let others hurt them, quick to defend and stand up for them.

You are authentic and unafraid to embrace it. The people you are friends with are likely kindred souls, sharing similar interests or personality. Your family and close friends are extremely important to you; they are your source of strength, especially in times when you struggle. You are yourself, unchanging and unashamed. Even if everyone else is the same and you stand out, you stay true to your authentic self. You are also independent and a natural healer, with a strong intuition, and are not one to follow the crowd. You have so much wisdom, yet a balance between the dream world and your current reality. Your creativity and logic are like yin and yang. You are grounded and have an old soul. However, although you are grounded, you are also the definition of a true friend. You have a lot of energy and enthusiasm, bringing inspiration with you, inspiring others, and giving them a source of love and happiness without expecting anything in return. You are a true protector and friend. You are someone who is likely to have a bright future, being able to see and understand things most wouldn't. You are not one to be easily distracted or strayed from your path or goals, constantly growing and achieving.

── .✦ songs by nct dream that represent you:

my youth

candle light

dive into you

rainbow

chenle ౨ৎ

cards pulled: king of wands, high priestess, page of wands, eight of pentacles, page of pentacles, eight of cups, knight of pentacles, page of cups, ace of swords, peacock: vibrancy, cat: independent, polar bear: mystic, tiger: fire, dolphin: play

Chenle stans are passionate, energetic, and enthusiastic people, especially when it comes to learning, academics, studying, or their career. You have so much depth and mystery to you; just like Jeno stans, there is something so intriguing about you, it just pulls people in without them knowing why. You are attractive, with such a powerful, compelling energy. You have this balance of work hard, play hard, bringing life with you wherever you go, the life of the party. You could be the class clown or resident hype buddy. You are a determined and hardworking person, focused and dedicated towards your goals.

You are someone who doesn't stay too long in things that do not serve you, quick to move on towards better things—such as a better job, environment, relationships, or the past itself. You move at a steady pace towards better things and towards your goals; patience is something you value, finding it builds a strong foundation in most things within your life. You are also a dreamer and a romantic idealist, possibly enjoying creative hobbies and endeavours. You wear your heart on your sleeve and likely believe in concepts such as soulmates, destiny, fate, and mystical, spiritual things—similar to a lot of other NCTzens on this post. You have this child-like nature to you that is so innocent, sweet, and romantic. Some people may even have a strong adoration for you, especially as they'd find you really cute and endearing. You are also an incredible communicator, able to express your thoughts and feelings with clarity, always voicing your opinions, unafraid of judgment—similar to Chenle himself.

You were born to shine and inspire others, yet you are humble and aren't jealous in nature, feeling grateful for your life. You are true to who you are, recognising your self and authenticity, and you are independent, a natural healer. You have a strong intuition, not one to follow the crowd, and someone who is stronger through challenges you go through. Adversities don't hold you back at all. You find and renew strength through resting and dreaming, and you are someone who likely has psychic abilities, which explains your mysterious intrigue. You are bold, brave, powerful, and passionate—someone who is fierce and unmoving from their path and goals. But you are equally someone who brings happiness and joy with you, knowing how to have fun, filling yourself with confidence and not letting fear hold you back. You likely go with the flow and have such rich wisdom, enjoying life through having fun and letting your playful nature shine.

── .✦ songs by nct dream that represent you:

ridin'

carat cake

boom

to my first

jisung ౨ৎ

cards pulled: nine of pentacles, ten of cups, knight of wands, eight of wands, seven of wands, king of cups, knight of cups, nine of wands, empress, butterfly: rebirth, eagle: mastery, tiger: fire, deer: love, giraffe: visionary

Jisung stans are people who embody gratitude and humbleness, especially after working hard to get to where you are now. You treasure and gratefully accept the rewards, but not forgetting the journey it took to get there. This gratitude also seeps into your value and treasuring of your family. You have a lot of love for your family and wish to have a family of your own someday; it is what brings you both strength and a sense of contentment. You are also enthusiastic and full of energy, life, and excitement. You are a go-getter, never backing down and never one to miss out on a new opportunity or adventure.

You are emotionally mature, and may even have a sensitive side to you. You are a protector towards your family, looking out for them and providing support, especially emotionally. You are someone who is a romantic at heart, and in a very sweet, innocent, and genuine way. You make the ideal partner and likely wear your heart on your sleeve—very affectionate too. You are also resilient, never backing down and not letting challenges stop or sway you. As the Empress, you are nurturing, loving, feminine, and know how to make a house a home—things such as tending to a garden, bringing life into your environment. But you are also strong, voicing your thoughts and opinions, and setting clear boundaries.

You are someone who embraces change, constantly looking for ways to reinvent yourself, open to the journey of self-discovery and rebirth. You are constantly transforming and sharing the brilliance which is you. You don't let the past hold you back, focusing on mastering your skills, your character, career, or hobbies, having a lot of wisdom and strength. You likely have a talent in guiding and inspiring others too. You are someone bold, brave, passionate, and unstoppable—you charge headfirst towards your goals, never straying from the path you laid out. But, just as you are fierce, you also embody love and gentleness, like a deer. You have the ability to heal others, seeing the positivity in all things, and have a sense of self-worth and grace.

── .✦ songs by nct dream that represent you:

beatbox

fire alarm

we young

love again

118 notes · View notes

luceafarul-de-dimineata · 7 months ago

Text

Lucifer NSFW alphabet

Aftercare

what they're like after sex

He's a lot softer after sex and he'll take all the measures necessary to make you feel comfortable. He's a doctor, so he knows how to patch you up. Asks Buer to make the two of you tea since it helps relax.

Body Part

their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's

His favorite body part used to be his wings, but now it's his fangs. He likes the effect they have on you and how he's the only one, Heaven or Hell, to have them so pronounced

His favorite body part on you are your eyes. Not only can they cry so pretty, but they also show your true feelings. As they say, the eyes are the windows to the soul. (Plus he has a thing for eye contact and seing himself in the reflection of your eyes, but that's a post for another day)

Cum

anything to do with cum, basically

His cum has healing properties so you always feel better after he cums on/inside you. If you want, he'll give you a bottle of his cum to use as cream when you're hurt, since you already love drinking it from a bottle so much.

Also, if you can get pregnant, he'll be very worried about possibly leaving you with a baby, so he takes birth control pills religiously.

Dirty secret

pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs

He had a threesome with Adam and Eve where he actually came in Adam's ass. He'll never admit this, not even to God.

The second time he decided to visit humanity, he found a cult that worshiped him and he still finds the idea of mortals praying to him arousing.

Experience

how experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?

Bro participated in orgies, he knows how sex works. Though, after he fell from Heaven, he stopped having sex. Not because he's practicing chastity or anything, but the oportunity never showed itself.

Also, he knows how to have sex with angels, but he's never done it with a human before. So he might assume that you can take as much as an angel. It's fine, he's a fast learner so he won't overstimulate you... that much.

Favorite position

this goes without saying

He doesn't have one, but he hates all the positions where he has to lay on his back. He also likes holding your hands while you fuck because he knows you'll try to pull on his wings and he doesn't trust you. Other than that, he has no favorites.

Goofy

are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous?

Even if he tried to tell a joke, his voice is so monotone that you couldn't tell. He'll also be very confused if you started cracking jokes in the middle of sex. He never laughs, he just looks at you with a bewildered and partly judgemental look on his face.

Hair

how well groomed are they?

We are in headcanon territory, so, I think angels don't have hair, they only have feathers. Their "hair" is actually fluff that baby birds have. So, in conclusion, I think Lucifer's dick is fluffy.

Intimacy

how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect

He would prefere doing anything else but sex to show you how much he loves you. He'll be more sensual and take things slow because he has no reason to rush. No matter how hard he tries to act like one of those porn stars you so admire, you always get the impression that he's mildly bored. He's only doing this because you like sex and he likes you, so, in part, it is true.

Jack Off

masturbation headcanons

He doesn't masturbate. He just doesn't see the use in it. If he's feeling horny he'll just call you over and have an actual passionate night of sex. Why would he bother jacking off when he has you for that.

Kink

one or more of their kinks

Dacryphilia, that one is canon, but I also think he has a thing for overstimulation. Will make you cum until you cry and ask him to stop and depending on his mood he may or may not listen. He usually doms because it's in his nature to do so, but he might indulge you once he likes you enough. When he subs he only accepts praise, the moment you degrade him he just bitch slaps you and leaves. He's not a prideful bitch, he just knows his worth/s

Location

favorite place to do the do

His garden. It's pretty, it's outdoors, you get some fresh air. He's probably really into botony so he'll show you plants as he fucks you. He also really likes the texture of grass, more so than his bed, so this is where you're having sex.

Motivation

what turns them on, gets them going

Seeing you cry especially if it's from something he did. Being a doctor and checking up on you as he randomly takes blood samples or gives you jabs that he refuses to eleborate on. His ideal partner is someone that's afraid of medical supplies. He likes scaring you, making you cry before saving you with an embrace while he coos about how brave you were.

Something they wouldn't do, turn offs

Getting called "daddy" or "brother" during sex is his biggest turn off. He had to deal with an incestous brother, please don't remind him of him.

Oral

preference in giving or recieving, skills, etc.

I preferes the idea of recieving, but he doesn't want to hospitalise you, so he'll be giving for most of the relationship. He's very good at giving as well, but he's a little shit about it. He never gives you full tongue treatment, you only get small kitten licks and nothing more. He'll give you a gynaecology/andrology check up since he's already there.

Pace

are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?

He likes it slow. He drags out the forplay, usually it lasts more than the actual sex and then fucks you swiftly. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't be rough because his dick is twice the amount a human can take. He hates rushing, let him take his time.

Quickie

their opinions on quickies, how often

He's very against quickies. He likes to take his time, and if something urgent needs to be attended to soon, he'll push you away and deal with that before even considering having sex. The prep for sex with him is 3/4 of the sex experience, why would you want to pass it.

Risk

are they willing to experiment? Do they take risks?

It depends. He might experiment with some kinks if you express interest in them, but nothing too extreme. If you insist on doing extreme stuff with him, he'll just pay someone from Abaddon to do it. No, he won't let you step on his cock, he already has erectile disfunction.

Stamina

how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?

He gets tired after speaking for 3 minutes, he has the stamina of a malnurished sloth. He's mostly fucking you out of professional obligation, so he'll give you one or two turns of action, about 5 minutes each and then he does the after care. If he's feeling very horny, and I mean very horny, he'll make sure that not even his cum can cure your soreness, but he lacks that motivation 9/10.

Toys

do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partener or themselves

Do needles and jabs count as sex toys? He doesn't use them often, but he does sometimes indulge in that fantasy. He can also tie you up like he does to Marbas if you want. He'll never use toys on himself because he considers them ungodly. But if they please you, sure enough.

Unfair

how much they like to tease

Honey, teasing is the sex when you're with Lucifer. You better have an hour free in your scheduel just for the forplay. It's his favorite part of the experience because he gets to do stuff that isn't 100% sexual while being sexual enough that they please you.

Volume

how loud are they? What sounds do they make?

His very quiet, to the point that you sometimes doupt he's enjoying himself. When he does makes sounds, usually when he's close, he'll groan or choke, before realeasing with a melodic moan. He also shooes and gives you orders about what to do. He doesn't like a partner that's very loud, only Gamigin has the green card when it comes to being noisy.

Wildcard

a random headcanon for the character

Lucifer is a sex neutral asexual. He doesn't experience sexual attraction and he only has sex if someone else that he likes asks him to. He doesn't see the hype around it, and sex is the least important part of a relationship for him.

X-ray

let's see what's going on under those clothes

I'll be honest with you, I've never seen a penis in real life, I have no idea how those usually look like. His dick is 30 cms, I'm not sure that's physicly possible, but who knows. Wouldn't a dick that big be uncomfortable to live with? I am very confused. Just imagine a baguette and boom, that's his dick.

Yearning

How high is their sex drive

Nonexistent. Before he met you, he only had sex during the annual angel orgies because it was tradition. It's not that he hates sex, but as stated above, he just has no interest in it. When you see naked people daily for your job, you stop being excited by nudeness.

Zzz

how quickly they fall asleep afterwards

He only falls asleep after he makes sure you did. Usually sleeps in a seperate room from you, but, after he gets attached, he'll insist that you cuddle in your sleep.

#what the hell is bad #whb #whb lucifer #whb smut #I am projecting #and I think lucifer is asexual #I'll fight everyone over this

186 notes · View notes

gnomishcunning · 8 months ago

Note

Hi! Speaking of requests - can I ask for your hcs on Rolan and physical touch? I feel like he's touch-starved but of course would hide it and deny it. Could be sfw or nsfw, however you prefer!

i completely agree that rolan's touch-starved, so this series of headcanons started from that and kinda bloomed into it's whole own thing. i hope you enjoy!

in general-

when you're fighting for your life in hell and then desperately trying to survive the long road from elturel to baldur's gate, some little things fall to the wayside. like processing your emotions, or safe and healthy self-reflection. subsequently, rolan doesn't realize he's touch-starved until he arrives in baldur's gate.

the first inkling he gets is when his apprenticeship to Lorroakan starts. it's the time he's spent away from Cal and Lia in a long while. while at first he enjoys the novelty of privacy and his own room, he's used to laying sandwiched between the two through the night, while Cal snores and Lia tosses and turns.

he sleeps like shit, those first few nights in the tower. the only thing that eventually gets him to sleep is when he starts collapsing into his bed from exhaustion, between working the front counter at Sorcerous Sundries and dealing with Lorroakan's... everything.

it starts to dawn on him with time, the absolute lack of friendly touch in his life. there's no cackling Lia leaning on his shoulder and tugging at his robes, straightening the silver of his apprentice's mantle. there's no fretting Cal, pressing food into his hands or gently nudging his side when he starts getting snippy.

in turn, there's nobody for him to fret over. he can't grab the back of Lia's robes before she charges into danger or trips over her own feet, he can't help Cal with his hair in the morning or ruffle his little brother's hair.

he should be reveling in the freedom, but it's just.

lonely.

he hates the fact he's lonely, he hates the fact he misses a time in his life that was so difficult for him and his family

i can totally see it being a bit of a wake-up call for him, when he realized he'd rather risk his life on the road with his siblings, rather than serve as Lorroakan's apprentice.

the issue doesn't get resolved until Lorroakan's dead, and his sibling move into the tower. thankfully, Rolan isn't put into a position where he needs to verbalize his loneliness. he and his siblings end up kind of clinging to each other - sleeping in the same room, fussing over each other more than necessary - until the netherbrain's defeat, when there isn't an immediate threat to their lives looming on the horizon

casually-

Rolan can be surprisingly touchy. it's an act that's constrained to the ones he loves and very close friends (primarily Cal and Lia, but Tav slips in there too), and he usually disguises it as fussing or his big-brother instincts.

with Lia, he's surprisingly playful. poking, prodding, the occasional horn-grab when she's being particularly annoying. those two can argue like no tomorrow, but it's almost always followed up by a friendly punch to the shoulder.

he's a little gentler with Cal, which stems from the fact both he and Lia view him as the little brother. ruffling his hair, straightening his leather jerkin. very rarely, when he accomplishes a difficult spell, or Cal accomplishes something cool - they'll shamelessly exchange high-fives. Lia almost always calls em both dorks.

with Tav? Tav's a fringe case. they're the only person outside his siblings he can call his friend, which is terribly embarrassing for an Archmage. So Rolan basically vacillates between hot and cold.

he won't go out of his way to find reasons to touch them, he's careful to maintain his and Tav's personal space. they had a tadpole in their head, he doesn't want to accidentally cross any lines about newly-held bodily autonomy. but if the excuse arises from circumstance? well. he'd be remiss to not to comfort his friend.

he fusses, like with Lia and Cal. it's probably a good thing, since Tav has a tendency to throw themselves headfirst into all sorts of danger, and that probably doesn't change post-netherbrain.

he'll clap a hand on their shoulder when they come by Sorcerous Sundries, guide them to sit down and take some time in his office to chat and catch up. gods know when the last time they slowed down - it's his way of insuring they stay out of danger, for at the last half hour they can sit still.

he'll inquire about their business, happily make them a cup of tea, sit down nearby on a sofa or chair. not enough to edge into their personal space, but within easy reaching distance. their cup is never empty, and his fingers will brush theirs when he moves to refill their tea.

if Tav's upset for whatever reason, he won't hesitate to offer a shoulder to cry on, or even a hug. Tav saved his life multiple times over, he'll offer whatever little comforts he can - while silently swearing to hex whoever made them cry. his quiet grumbles make Tav laugh, and he counts that as a win.

if rolan has romantic feelings for tav-

Hahahahaha ohno.

he was hot and cold beforehand? now he's just hot. like, constantly blushing, genuinely delighted to see Tav and seemingly incapable of being chill about it. he's needy, and in terrible denial about it.

his fussiness gets turned up to a 10, and through the right lens, it's almost protective. the friendly hand on Tav's shoulder turns into 'whenever they're in his immediate vicinity'. friendly pats, guiding hands on their back or elbow if they're maneuvering through a crowd

A lot of things are offered under the guise of being a gentleman. if they're somewhere in public with notable people, he'll offer his arm to 'escort' them. he's the Archmage of Ramazith's Tower accompanying the Hero of Baldur's Gate, it's the least he can do!

i like to imagine Rolan thinks he has perfect control over his tail, when in reality, it's the exact opposite. he subconciously emotes all the goddamn time.

this a big problem, when he's interacting with Tav, because they're (a) his friend, and (b) his crush. it tends to curl in the space between them when Tav stands nearby, and if they're sitting down it'll loop around their ankle without him noticing. the spade typically won't stay still, and it's usually Tav's giggling as it flicks over their skin that clues him in to his faux-pas.

he ends up spending a lot of time lying about tiefling body language if Tav's not one.

if they are? Well. He practically invents a new shade of red with how deep he blushes

it really isn't hard to tell rolan has feelings for you, because he's kinda. all over you, seeking physical touch in a way that supersedes what he's expressing with his words. just don't tell him, bc he'll probably spontaneously combust and then never leave the tower, ever again

when the confession finally comes? he's stuttering and red-faced, but he manages the words, and when Tav wraps their arms around his neck, he just. kinda collapses, wrapping his arms around their waist, burying his face in their hair, purring up a storm. he's spent too long dreaming about the way they would feel against him to maintain any pretenses of being above it all.

in a relationship-

finally finally finally, Rolan can be needy without excuse or embarrassment.

learning Tav returned his feelings was genuinely a relief, because he wasn't sure how long he could maintain the facade. like he wasn't already blatantly transparent in the first place buddy

if they're in his vicinity, He's Touching Them

holding their hand, wrapping his tail around their ankle, gently embracing them from behind while they're making dinner. If you sit in separate chairs, he's scooting closer so he can nudge your knee with his own under the table, or caress their thigh.

Tav's not even safe when sleeping. Rolan will migrate across the bed through the night to find them. please be prepared to wake up in a tangle of limbs, with tails and horns in uncomfortable places.

Given how big Rolan is with physical affection, it's no surprise it's one of his biggest love languages as well, in terms of receiving. please, give him affection.

this man melts for the little things. like when Tav strokes his hand with their thumb when holding hands, or carding their fingers through his hair, or scratching at the base of his horns

it's embarrassingly easy to get him to start purring

the thing that gets him to blurt out 'i love you' for the first time, probably no more than a month into the relationship, was when Tav came up behind him and started working his shoulders after a long day hunched over his desk

#rolan #rolan x tav #rolan bg3 #holy rolan empire #bg3

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