#portal masters are fun :]

[mothmanwarble]

So we know there's portal masters who are born on earth, right? So I was thinking do you think earth used to have like groups of portal masters like skylands' has that slowly faded out similarly to skylands' portal masters. Imagine like how cool it'd be if they built a bunch of stuff and most of it is destroyed or forgotten! Ik like in irl we receive our portal with the figurines since it must have gotten blasted with the skylanders, but how cool would it be if there was some portals scattered around on earth in hidden locations.

Ooh, that’d be super cool! This got me thinking about how Terran Portal Masters possibly could’ve come to realize they had powers/were Portal Masters to begin with. Considering how (according to the book ‘Machine of Doom’ at least) Skylands is described as being stationed in the center of the universe, essentially making it the primary nexus between all worlds, surely someone from Skylands had to have “Portaled” into Earth at one point, right? Perhaps some would come to Earth with the intent of recruiting new Portal Masters from all over the universe, kinda like how Eon sought out the next generation of Portal Masters here too.

So, yeah! Maybe at some point long before the events of the games, Earth did have more Portal Masters, possibly discovered and trained by the ones native to Skylands!

[fox-from-malta]

Idk if there's this Yonderland AU anywhere... but imma write about my own I guess xD Yonderland AU where Debbie grows up in Yonderland under the guide of the elders [but without her father], while her sister Imperatrix (but called Trixie as the name Imperatrix in this AU never came to be) is the one who grows up in the real world xD

That's all I really thought about... basically a stern twin dealing with her silly jolly twin from another world trying to save that other world from disaster and chaos as it seems Trixie really is the only one with any common sense.

[redactedgoose]

hello. guess what time it is? it's bully Vlad hours, featuring tropes such as 'get out-billionaired, idiot' and 'Maddie's type is genius idiots; Bruce Wayne's is hot people who could kill him'

~

He's done it, he's finally done it! Jack is dead! And Daniel is none the wiser. His little badger glares at him, clearly warning him not to start anything at his misbegotten father's funeral.

Vlad just smiles back, just barely not smug enough to tip him off, and goes off to find his Maddie.

She's going to need support, after all! My, maybe he'll even offer her a shoulder to cry on, an arm to support her, and then eventually help her through her grief before she-

Vlad draws up short.

No. No, impossible.

His Madeline, his Maddie, is already in the arms of another man, crying quietly against his suit- which, he notes sourly, anger beginning to flare in his core, is more expensive than the one he's wearing.

The man could even be Jack himself, if smaller and more lithe. A cousin, perhaps?

He forces a mournful expression onto his face, rictus in its falseness, and approaches them.

"My dear..."

The man turns his face to Vlad as Maddie does, allowing him to finally place him.

No. No.

Bruce Wayne? The Bruce Wayne? Air-headed playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne? Here, holding his Maddie at Jack's funeral?

"I am so sorry for your loss," he finally continues a a beat later, blinking slightly faster as if his pause was from sorrow and not rage. "Jack... he was..." he trails off before he has to utter any kind words about the fool.

Maddie sniffles; Wayne proffers a handkerchief from nowhere, which she takes with a small, tender smile.

"Thanks, Vlad," Maddie says. She sniffles again, daubing at her eyes. "I still can't believe it..."

"Neither can I," Vlad says, bowing his head instead of staring daggers at Wayne. He does glance at him, though, once he raises his head, hoping to subtly prompt an explanation.

"Vlad Masters, right?" Wayne asks, cracking a wan smile at him and offering his hand. "I don't think we've met before."

"Indeed not," he says, giving Wayne's hand a firm, quick pump. "How did the two of you meet, if I may ask?"

"Oh, so long ago," Maddie says, a ghost of a smile on her face. "We were both much younger... Bruce was learning some self defense at the same class I was, and it spiraled from there."

"Oh, I definitely did," he jokes, that wan smile turning stronger. "Spiraled straight down onto the mat! She put my on my back so many times!" He laughs.

Maddie's smile strengthens, legitimate mirth in her expression now. "You gave as good as you got, Bruce! Your pins were the worst to wriggle out of!"

They laugh in concert, facing each other. It's the only reason why they don't see Vlad's eye twitching. He's suddenly very grateful that he didn't pick up a drink to keep appearances- it would have shattered in his grip by now.

The next fifteen minutes are agonizing. She hangs off of him and he lets her. They laugh together, they cry together, and every advance of his, dressed in best intentions and veiled in concern, is rebuffed.

"Oh, Vlad. You don't need to worry about me," she says wetly, mere minutes before the eulogies are about to start. "Bruce is here for me."

Vlad very quickly comes to the only sensible conclusion: Bruce Wayne must die.

[summoned-skylander-au]

Bit of a continuation from the last post :)

ALSO, new character drop! Meet Cole’s boyfriend that I do not have a name for yet (pls give me name suggestions, I am desperate). And we also have who is not in this comic but that’s beside the point, Enid!

Here’s a photo of both of them.

[dead-girl-tells-stories]

DC x DP Ideas

For 'reasons', Ellie has been transferred to Gotham Academy under the guise of living with her guardian Vlad Masters but she's actually living with Dante, Danny, and Jazz.

From the moment she arrived, she had become rivals with Damian Wayne in everything from academics to sports and even the arts.

They wouldn't admit it but they were having fun. Having a rival who's always trying to one-up you, forcing yourself and each other to become better, more extraordinary. (It made a great distraction from their complicated home lives.)

But somewhere along the line, something had changed.

After a debate competition that was held at the school, Damian couldn't help but gush talk about this girl, his friend, Danielle Masters, and how cool and competent she was, and how she was the only person in the school worthy enough to be friends with him. (Awe baby's first crush!) But, ah, Dames, what's an ectoplasmic being and how are they not sapient or sentient?

On the other hand, Ellie is livid. She had Dan buy her a punching bag just so she could put Damian's face on it. She thought he was her friend! Turns out he's just another anti-ectoplasmic being supporter. She tries every day, to go to school, talk to him, and pretend everything is normal. But every time she sees his face and perfect smile of victory, her blood boils with a cold icy rage. (How dear he proclaims so proudly the ghosts are not truly living beings!! Just because we are dead doesn't mean we do not live on.)

Good thing Danny knows how to make portals now! Because when she gets home she's gonna go ape shit.

[mintaikk]

Love Stolas sm. He's a bird. He's Bri'ish. He's a 12 ft tall twink. He's a master of the cosmos. He can make portals to any universe he wants. He calls everyone 'darling'. He's a father who absolutely adores his daughter. He loves words. He likes to read legal documents FOR FUN. He loves romance books. He loves gardening and plants. He loves dramatic tele-novelas. He's incredibly fucking kinky. He is on the list of most powerful demons but nerfs himself so he can have his dramatic rescue romance. He sings sad love ballads. He makes owl noises whenever he feels strong emotions. He tripped and cholked on his cereal when his crush called him. He's literally the guy ever.

[taylorman2274]

Reverse Isekai Genshin Shenanigans #2

Characters: Venti, Kaeya, Diluc, Xingqiu, Zhongli

---------------------------------------------------------

"Is everything to your liking, Venti?" you asked.

"Oh none of that, [Y/N]," Venti responded with a small smile. "No need to be so formal around me."

The two of you were currently in the living room of your apartment. Since Venti was here, you had planned on showing him some of the stuff around your place. As for how Venti got here in the first place...

It's kind of a long story.

But to make that story short, Venti told you that Albedo and the Traveler had been working on a device that can establish a linked portal between Teyvat and Earth. From what you understand, it's kind of how you are able to access Teyvat on your computer, but this time it's the other way around.

It's honestly surprising how quickly it took them to reach you.

"However," Venti began, raising a finger. "Before you show me any more stuff, do you by chance happen to have any wine around? I am quite curious to see how your world's wine holds up to Mondstadt's."

You shook your head. "Nope. Sorry, I don't drink."

"You don't?!" Venti gasped. "Well that's no fun! Life is so much better when indulging in fabulous wine."

"My liver would say otherwise." you quipped.

Venti, ignoring you, continued. "It's unfortunate, really. And I was just beginning to get my hopes up high," he sighed. "But alas, I guess a bard's stomach will have to go empty for now."

You could tell that he was joking, but you still felt like helping him out. He was your guest, after all.

Luckily, your apartment was in the middle of a shopping complex.

"How about this. There's a wine store nearby. I can walk down and grab you something. Would that be alright?"

Venti's eyes are shining so bright you nearly covered your eyes to stop from going blind.

"Ohoho, really now?" he smirks, before giving a Knight of Favonius salute. "Lead the way then, [Y/N]. I shall be right behind you."

You sighed. "No, Venti. I can't risk you being seen by other people. Just tell me what you want and I'll go get it."

"Not a chance!" he happily exclaimed, skipping towards the door. "A decision of great importance should be trusted with an expert connoisseur such as myself."

He opened the door and gestured you towards the empty hallway. "After you, dear [Y/N]."

...

The God of Freedom has restrictions when it comes to purchasing wine apparently.

---------------------------------------------------------

"I must say, [Y/N]. Your place certainly is interesting. It's both familiar and exotic."

You raised a skeptical brow at the calvary captain. "Should I be taking that as a compliment or...?"

In response, Kaeya chuckled. "I simply mean that it's unique. Let's leave it at that."

You slowly nodded. Kaeya was a hard person to read, but you think he meant it as a complement.

...You think.

"However, before we continue, do you have any drinks on hand. I'm getting a bit thirsty."

You nodded politely. "Of course, I'll go get you something right away!"

You quickly walked to the kitchen and opened your fridge. "What would you like? I've got water, milk, juice, soda..."

Kaeya thought for a second. "Do you have any wine?"

...

Goddammit.

You loudly sighed. "First of all, I don't drink. Second of all, Venti made me spend nearly $100 at the wine store, and I didn't even get to keep any of it!"

Kaeya pondered in thought some more. "A wine store...?"

Oh no.

"No..." you warned. "Don't you even think about getting me to spend more money."

Kaeya merely brought a hand to his hip, "But I am a guest, am I not? It is common courtesy for the guest to be treated respectively after all."

...

You hate it when they're right.

You sighed again. "Fine..."

Kaeya softly smiled. "Excellent. I can't wait to see what they have to offer."

Thankfully, Kaeya was nice enough to settle for only one wine bottle.

---------------------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry if this isn't to your liking, Master Diluc."

"Please, [Y/N]. Just Diluc is fine. No need for formalities when we're not in Teyvat."

He began to look around at his surroundings.

"Though I am curious as to why you decided to bring me to a restaurant of all places."

"Because you didn't want to go to the wine store." you replied, deadpan. "Which honestly surprises me considering you own the biggest winery in Mondstadt."

Diluc did not look impressed. "I've seen enough wine in my life already, it does not make any difference if I go see anymore."

You shrugged your shoulders. "Suit yourself."

You looked back down at the menu in your hands, reading its contents for something good to order.

"...Is there another reason why you brought me here?"

You looked up at him. "...I mean yeah, there is, but it's nothing important."

Diluc crossed his arms. "Oh? What is it?"

You pointed to the top of his menu. "It's the name of the restaurant."

He looked down towards the menu and read the name. "Firebirds? What of it?"

You tilted your head. "...You don't get it?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Get what?"

"Ah, forget it," you waved a hand. "I just thought it was something funny."

---------------------------------------------------------

"Where are we heading, my liege?"

"Somewhere I think you'll really like."

The two of you walked through the front doors and stopped just a few steps afterward. To the naked eye, books upon books laid upon rows and rows of shelves.

As expected of a library.

You looked at Xingqiu and couldn't help but chuckle at the wide-eyed expression he was giving. His mouth also hung open comically.

"Easy now, Xingqiu, don't go drooling all over the floor now." You turned and pointed towards the front desk. "I figure that this place might be too big for you to handle so I trust that any questions you have you'll ask the librari- aaannnnnnnnnd he's gone."

...

You looked away for five seconds and you've already lost the book lover.

Is this how parents feel whenever they lose sight of their kids?

You couldn't help but chuckle as you shook your head. You suppose this was to be expected after all. When Xingqiu sets his sights on a book of choice, there's not much that will drag him away from it.

Knowing that he had no reason to leave the library, you began walking around the building searching for him.

You did find him after a few minutes. He had grabbed a seat on top of a beanbag and was nose deep in a book in his hands. Stacked next to him were a ton of other books that he presumably collected.

However, as you walked closer to him, you could see a troubled expression on his face.

"Is something wrong?" you questioned.

Xingqiu lowered the book from his face. "Sorry, my liege, I seem to be unable to read this. I can't understand any of the words."

...

Ah crap, you forgot about that.

"Do you think you could read this to me?" he asked, handing the book to you.

You nodded. "Sure, I can do that."

Book in hand, you plopped down on another beanbag next to him and started to read. You had no other plans for the day, so you were fine with hanging around the library for a little bit.

---------------------------------------------------------

You didn't feel like going out today. It didn't matter who asked, you were exhausted.

"Hmmm..."

Even if that someone was an over 6,000-year old retired Archon.

To be quite frank, you were terrified to be in Zhongli's presence. Sure, this isn't the first Archon you've met in person, but Venti does a superb job at hiding his status. Nobody can take a look at him and think that he's an Archon.

Zhongli on the other hand, has this imposing aura around him. How does Hu Tao not feel threatened by this man?

"So this is where you're able to guide us from?"

You nodded. "Yes sir."

After showing Zhongli around your apartment, he expressed an interest in seeing the device you use to guide them. Not thinking ahead, and because you were terrified of telling an Archon 'no', you agreed.

...Okay, you did try to tell Venti 'no', but that's different!

Now, you were frantically trying to piece together a convincing story about how your guidance is not part of a video game and everything that they've come to know was written, modeled, and designed by a company. Existential crisis are not fun to deal with.

However, Zhongli isn't stupid. There's a high percent chance he'll see through your lies.

...Basically, you're fucked.

You focused back on the computer. The main menu was playing. You sneaked a peak at Zhongli. He appeared to be lost in thought.

"Need me to explain anything?" you asked, hesitantly.

Zhongli nodded. "Please."

You sighed. Here goes nothing.

"So to start things off, there's this company called Hoyoverse. This company is responsible for maintaining a stable connection between here and Teyvat. That's why you saw their name appear on the screen earlier. This down here is the region that the connection is held. If I click on that, I'm able to change to another region. However, I'm gonna keep it on this one since I get the best connection from there."

"Then below that is my User ID. Going back to Hoyoverse for a moment, it's not just one connection they're responsible for. They're able to hold thousands of connections at once."

You saw Zhongli open his mouth so you stopped talking for a moment. "But I've never known anyone other than you guiding us. How can it be that there are multiple connections to the same place?"

You shook your head. "No, it's not multiple connections to one Teyvat. It's multiple connections to different Teyvats. Think of it as parallel universes if you will. Through this connection, I am able to guide people such as you. However, through another connection, someone else is able to guide another Zhongli. Does that make sense?"

You nearly breathed a sigh of relief when he nodded his head. "I see. Please, continue."

"Right. Next, you have these two buttons over here. If I click on the top one, you'll see ways to interact with other connection members as well as the company itself. Also, you have the fair use statement and terms of service. These are just the rules I need to follow while guiding you guys. If I break any of these rules, my access is revoked and the connection gets terminated."

Zhongli looks at the screen for a brief period before turning to you with his arms crossed. "You say these are rules."

You nodded. "Yes sir."

"...They sound more like contracts to me."

...

"I mean..." you scratched the back of your neck. "I wouldn't say contracts, per se. I guess you could call them... agreements?"

Zhongli raised an eyebrow. "So now they're agreements?"

...

Welp. It was a good run while it lasted.

You sighed heavily and lowered your head in shame. "No. You're right. They're contracts."

Zhongli nodded in agreement. "As I thought."

"Sorry." you apologized.

...

"Do you know what is listed in the contracts?"

You looked up at Zhongli. He still bore a curious expression on his face. There wasn't any anger nor frustration hinted anywhere.

"Ummm... Not really."

Zhongli was quick to furrow his eyebrows. Okay, now he's looking a bit mad. "You signed a contract without reading its contents?"

You scooched your chair a tiny bit away from Zhongli to give you some more space. "Well I mean, yeah, but I'm not the only one who does that. Everyone does! Nobody's got the time nor the patience to read all of that legal jargon."

Zhongli's eyebrows furrowed even further. You might be overexaggerating out of fear, but he looks absolutely pissed. Now would be the best time to make a smart life decision.

"Oh please, Rex Lapis," you pleaded, kneeling on the floor with your hands pressed together in prayer. "I beg for forgiveness, O merciful Archon."

"Spare me your theatrics."

You winced. That didn't work out as well as you hoped.

A couple of seconds passed by before Zhongli let out a deep sigh. "I don't know what you were thinking when you decided to blindly sign multiple contracts.

...

"However, I am willing to go through each contract for you and teach you of anything you should be aware of for now and for the foreseeable future."

...

"...Huh...?"

"You mean... I'm not gonna suffer the Wrath of the Rock?"

"The Wrath of the Rock??" Zhongli asks, flabbergasted. "Did you really think I was going to hurt you?"

...

"Yes..." you answered, meekly.

Zhongli's face softened before he placed a hand on your shoulder. "I would never harm you nor let anyone bring harm you, [Y/N]. I'd be a fool to do so after all that you have done for my friends, for Liyue, and for Teyvat."

He gave a soft smile. "I'm just letting you know that you should be more careful while signing any contracts in the future. You never know if you're getting a fair agreement if you never read its contents."

You nodded, smile also on your face. "Yes sir, I'll read every contract from now on, sir."

"Good. Now then, would you kindly read the contents of each contract to me. I'll stop you if I need to mention anything worth noting."

You spent the next couple of hours going over each contract, taking notes on anything Zhongli deemed worth remembering. You guess that showing him the actual game will come at a later time.

---------------------------------------------------------

Author Side Notes: Wow that Zhongli bit took up a lot of this. In all honesty, it could probably be it's own thing separate from all of the other shenanigans.

By the way, I imagine that Zhongli uses reading glasses. I don't know why I think that, but I feel like it suits him for some reason.

[chillinglyadventurous]

Stanford Pines Relationship Headcanons

Please don’t post this on TikTok without asking me first.

Man has the most dexterous fingers! He would absolutely braid your hair and it would last for days. Would carefully master the skill so your hair would come out in the perfect waves every time you took it down. I need not mention the other things can do with those beautiful hands.

As in every head canon I have ever read, he is touch starved. Would seek you out for comfort or to ground him when his reattach became overwhelming. Just holding your hand, running his fingers through your hair, and having a hand on your hips would keep this man from going insane, pre and post portal.

Would melt for you if you show love by acts of service and physical touch. You make this man eat or bring him something to eat? You have his heart. Make him coffee? He’s yours. Kiss this man. Cuddle him. He deserves it.

If you met him after Weirdmegeddon, don’t expect him to tell you about it right away. I think you’d first hear whispers about it in town. Of course, no one would tell you about it. When you went to Ford, he’d do his best to change the subject. You can’t get mad/frustrated him for keeping this secret. I think he’d close himself off if you did. However, once you were resigned to letting him have that secret, that’s when he’d tell you. He’d need to feel like he could trust you and that you wouldn’t judge him or think less of him first.

I hate to say it, but he would not be a good kisser. Despite the robot’s efforts, he would be a bit sloppy with it. His teeth would constantly get in the way. Too much spit. Too much tongue. He’d be teachable, though. Just sit the man down, maybe play an instructional YouTube video. He’d get better.

Same goes for sex.

You have to love his family. No negotiation. If you don’t care for Dipper and Mabel like your own children, you’re out of there. With Stan, you have to at least get along. He knows Stan can be difficult and abrasive, but you’d have to get along with him, especially if your relationship begins after he and Stan get back from their trip on the Stan O’ War II.

Speaking of Stan, he would constantly make fun of Ford for having a S/O. Stan would bully him relentlessly. He would also flirt with you in front of Ford just to get a reaction. Give it right back to him, say the craziest things about Ford, true or not, that would make Stan back down.

Be prepared for Mabel to set up dates for you and Ford. She loves her grunkles and wants to see them happy, especially Ford. Ford reminds her a lot of Dipper and I think we, the fandom, can agree. Ford’s not as charismatic as Stan. Mabel would do anything to keep you both happy and would obsess over how your relationship is going. Would likely stay up all night thinking of ship names for the two of you. Would call you and Ford her OTP.

At first, I don’t think Dipper would be too thrilled to have to share Ford’s attention with an S/O. Much like in Swooning over Stans, he’d be distrustful of you. Trust no one. However, he would come around to it once he realized you make Ford happy and aren’t trying to keep him from Ford. Would call you Graunt [Y/N] by accident.

[satoshy12]

Clockwork, Baby Danny and Time Relicts:

Clockwork, the Master of Time, chose to intervene when powerful time-related artifacts appeared. It was more about him not really caring, but the time travel gave him a migraine. He enlists Danny to restore the relics and bring them to him. Danny said if he is caught as a thief, he will be seen as a villain! But Clockwork knew a way to fix it, and the next thing Danny knows, he is a toddler with a radar in his hands. With a letter, "Search the artifacts, and then I will teleport you back." Danny had to give it to Clockwork, who would arrest a baby or call him a villain! And he had fun, pranking the heroes and villains. Stealing the relicts, and after he had all seven of them in his base. Clockworks hand came through a portal and packed the toddler and pulled him into the portal. + True, Danny isn't a villain for the world, but he is a cute meta toddler who, for some reason, did go to Hero's home and museum and stole that one thing before he left. He was like two times in a museum Wonder Woman was working on, stole the relict, and left. And in Gotham, he helped Catwoman in return for the thing she stole.

So now the Justice League is looking for him. + Back in Amity Park, no one but Wes notices that both Fenton and Phantom are now toddlers. And when they did, they just accepted it! By magic, the Fenton boy and the hero Phantom are toddlers at the same time, which makes sense in their eyes. And whenever Wes tried to say something, the others looked at him as if he were not very smart and crazy.

Danny loves being a toddler, he can do so many pranks! Worth it to stay a bit longer this way.

[muzansfangs]

Bloodstain.

Starring: Aizen Sosuke x f!reader; Urahara Kisuke x f!reader; Urahara Kisuke x original female character (Ran, the mod-soul taking over the reader body, when she is not in the world of the livings); Nnoitra Gilga; mention to Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Shuhei Hisagi and Ulquiorra;

Format: multi-chapters story;

Warnings for this chapter: nsfw, oral sex (Kisuke!receiving), cum swallowing, language, jealousy, slightly manipulative behavior, possessive tendencies, struggling with feelings, denial, inappropriate use of the reader body, death threat, abusive behavior and harassment (from Nnoitora), hair pulling, sexual tension;

Plot: Your cohabitation with Sosuke begins. Upon entering your flat, you two are welcomed by your companion’s worst enemy and the coquettish mod-soul supposed to be your substitute during your absence. What you were not expecting, though, was for the two of them to be involved into an intimate intercourse right over your couch and for your new housemate to make you question yourself once again.

N.B: Here we go! Our dear reader is back in the World of the livings, finally… I won’t even apologize for Urahara being a pervert as per usual, lol. The soul we have ‘adopted’ is called ‘Ran’, which should mean ‘Orchid’ in Japanese. Well, her behavior is questionable, I know, but it will be hopefully fun!

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS CHAPTER | TO THE NEXT CHAPTER

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𝐇𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫.

The moment you stepped back into the World of the livings, you almost felt disoriented. The mastodontic skyscrapers, the cars rushing down the streets and the noise pollution almost gave you a migraine. When you had to spend weeks into the Soul Society, going back to the chaotic city life came along with some struggles. Once the portal closed behind your back, you sighed in defeat. This was literally the beginning of your personal living Hell. Your life was most likely going to be messed up by the man currently standing right next to you.

That man, right. Aizen Sosuke, the bastard who had indirectly deprived you of your social life and freedom. The same man who had deliberately pushed Shuhei to his limits and caused him to stare at you as if you were a madwoman, a traitress. He was always going to be a puppet master, playing with the feelings and life of whomever had been that unfortunate to stand on his path.

After that small argument with Shuhei, you had refused to talk to Sosuke. Saying your goodbyes to your friends, you had entered the Seinkaimon with a plan mapped out in your head: as soon as you were finally back into the World of the livings, you were going straight to Urahara, asking him for the gigai he had prepared for your new housemate. Now, though, staring at the shop sign of Kisuke’s emporium, you realized he was not there. Where was that man, when you needed him the most? Maybe he had gone to check on the rowdy mod-soul taking over your body during your absence: Ran. If that was the case, you had no other choice than going to your flat.

Without uttering a word, you turned around and began to walk in the direction of your apartment, only for Sosuke to finally remind you of his intrusive presence in your life “For how long are you going to pretend I’m not here? That’s rude and immature, don’t you think?” he asked you, his tone of voice flat.

“Immature?— you sarcastically repeated — You are one to talk, considering you purposefully ignored my request of waiting for me to come back and acted like a petulant child. Yeah, Sosuke, thanks for having disrupted any chance I had to reconnect with Shuhei” you resentfully apostrophised him, glad no one could see you two bickering like this.

Sosuke scoffed “Was it really my fault?”.

You glanced at him briefly, arching an eyebrow inquisitively, before focusing back on the street. Your silence spoke volumes and Sosuke knew you wanted to hear his theory.

“I might have become the center of his attention and provoked him, that’s true. However, why did he leave? He could have stayed, talked to you. Isn’t that what couples do? What I am asking you is: are you sure he cares about you?” he seraphically asked you, chest puffed as he watched your certainties waver. There he was, slithering in your head and controlling your emotions.

Were you really that surprised he was back at showing off his asset of mind manipulation? Obviously, not in the slightest. But the worst part of it was that he kind of had a point, even though you were aloof from admitting it out loud, in his presence, you had been hurt by Shuhei’s departure and seemingly total lack of interest in leading on a mature conversation with you. Watching you take Sosuke’s side had clearly broken his heart, but you had given him a valid reason for you to do it. You did not particularly abided the questionable decisions of the Central 46, then again you did not want any problems with them. You were simply doing your job, keeping the special threat at bay and defending Shuhei from him. The position you had been put in was not of your likings. Then why did he leave?

“Shuhei and I are not a couple. — you curtly said, eventually — Hence, keep your unrequired opinions and that slimy tongue of yours far away from me” you consolidated, before pointing to a modern building in front of you. Home. You were finally home, despite your new murderous companion.

Letting your gaze travel up to the third floor, you saw the window of your living room opened. It would have been easier and better sneaking in from there, especially since you had no keys with you.

“That’s my apartment. We can enter from the window” you stated, watching Sosuke already scrutinizing the area around the building. It was located in a optimal position, to be fair. Not too far from the main shopping streets and close to the public park, if you wanted to relax and take some hours off from the hectic city life.

“What’s wrong now? Does his lordship dislike his new residence?” you queried, but you soon realised Sosuke was actually focused on something else.

His brows furrowed, he darted his eyes from the window to you “Do you live with someone else in that apartment? I can sense an atypical reitasu reverberating through the walls”.

“Uhm… Well, you could say I do, but it’s just Ran. She’s a mod-soul. Is that a problem?” you casually asked him, but you omitted some details about her personality. That girl was surely a curious specimen. She was literally a female version of Kon and thus she had caused you quite the embarrassing problems back then.

Sosuke ignored your explanation and flash-stepped up to the window in a blink of an eye. You sighed, having no other choice than following him right away, but the spectacle waiting for you upon entering your flat was surely a sight you would have never expected to behold. Your jaw dropped, no sound coming out of your throat, as you watched in disgust and horror Ran, in your body, knelt between Kisuke’s spread legs. This was a nightmare.

For a split second, you thought Sosuke was using Kyoka Suigetsu on you, but when your eyes flicked towards him to question him, you were genuinely surprised to finally see a rather irked expression plastered over his face. You had been figuring to see his usual cold-indefference etched on his face, but you were terribly wrong.

The assiduos bob of Ran’s head came to an end, when her senses alerted her of your presence. You watched her widen her eyes, hastily pulling away from Kisuke’s length with an obscene ‘pop’, as she wiped her chin, glistening in saliva, with the back of her hand. Kisuke, however, turned his head leisurely towards Sosuke and you. Shamelessly, he let out a soft chuckle, waving the fan in his hand to greet you two. His lambent grey eyes bored into yours, as he stood up and fixed his pants.

“Ah, welcome back, Y/N-chan!” Kisuke beamed, approaching you two.

Sosuke shot him an earnest glare, refusing to even greet him back. His eyes, you noticed, had now settled upon Ran who had timidly stood back up and was trying her best to clean her face up. Her sense of shame was kicking in, finally. You honestly had no idea how to react. What probably gave you the ick was the fact that Ran had given him head while inhabiting your body. Well, this was just absurd.

You cleared your throat, finally locking eyes with Kisuke “What the fuck was that?” you questioned him.

“A blowjob” Sosuke monotonously uttered from beside you, making you roll your eyes.

Kisuke chuckled, hiding his shit-eating grin behind his fan “Oh, such language, Aizen-san! But, well, we have been contacted by Kyoraku a few hours ago. You could say we were killing the time, whilst waiting for you two to come!” he casually replied, glancing behind his back to check on the coquettish mod-soul currently watching the scene in interest.

Hopping down from the windowsill, you dropped your bag onto the floor and folded your arms against your chest. That mod-soul had crossed the line, there was no way in Hell you were allowing her to take over your body ever again. Confined in the plushie you had chosen for her forever, this was going to be her fate from now on. Judging by the way she was keeping her distance, she probably knew what was coming.

“Pardon me? Listen, I don’t really care about what you do and with you, just… — you paused, eyes downcast as you struggled to keep your composure and find the right words to express your consternation — She’s in my body, Kisuke. Do I really need to tell you why I am upset?” you stated, before glancing back up at him. You wanted to believe he felt, at least, a little guilty about it but, even with that fan hiding the lower part of his visage, you were pretty sure he was grinning in amusement.

Sosuke suddenly snatching away Kisuke’s fan from his hand caught you by surprise, his eyes darkening as he proceeded in talking “Your presence is evidently unsolicited. Give me the gigai you have projected and leave” he flatly said, jaw clenched as he did not even bother sparing you a look. His reiatsu was ominously blanketing the entire flat, coaxing you to inhale sharply and lean your back against the windowsill to find back your balance. Was he defending you?

You knew Sosuke could not really stand the sight of the shop-keeper, but there was not just unadultered annoyance for the past events in his voice. It sounded like there was something personal involved in that, in the way he shoved Kisuke’s fan back against the other man’s chest and glared down at him.

Maybe you were just seeing too much into it. Or maybe Sosuke was struggling to keep his emotions on check, as he always did. Either way, you were in no mood to talk to Kisuke any longer and your housemate’s outburst was strangely appreciated and supported by the offended part of you that shot a blank stare at the former Captain of the Gotei 13.

“I will probably regret saying it later on, but I have to agree with Sosuke. Let’s get this over with, Kisuke” you gingerly agreed with the brunette, before Ran jogged up to Kisuke and wrapped her arms around him, almost protectively, clinging onto the man for dear life.

And only then you caught a glimpse of Sosuke’s face, sternly witnessing to the scene unfolding before your eyes with a rather displeased expression on his face. Was it Ran the problem? Was he upset because Kisuke had accepted the mod-soul’s avances, while she was inhabiting your body? Oh, you could say so, the same glint of possessiviness you had spotted in his eyes yesterday night and early in the morning was back in his splendid irides. This felt awkwardly familiar. You remembered now some other occasions in which he had displayed latent intolerance at your interactions with other men. There was only one of the Espada he trusted around you and it was Ulquiorra. Grimmjow was not allowed to be around you, not after he had caught him tracking down your scent through the corridors of Las Noches, not after you had showed him empathy after he had lost his arm.

He could not let you alone for a second back then. Looking back at it, you were glad he always had your back. More than once, you asked yourself what would have happened to you, if he had not been there to stop Nnoitora from cornering you in a isolated area of the castle.

It was late at night in Las Noches. Looking for your sword, when most of the inhabitants of the palace were asleep, was easier than venturing through the corridors and rooms in the daylight. Deep down, you knew where your zanpakuto was. Still, you were too frightened by the idea of sneaking into that room, into ‘his’ room. Aizen Sosuke would have never trusted anyone to keep your blade but himself. If you wanted your blade back, you had to walk right his den. Walking into his private quarters, though, would have only meant giving him the occasion to get closer to you, to break down the fragile, crumbly wall you had tried to build between you two. You would have never admitted it out loud, not even to yourself, but there was something about him that made you feel free, completely capable of making mistakes and be yourself and not like you felt around the others, as if you were a microscopic ant under a magnifying glass for people to point out your flaws.

You liked him, oh you did, and this was a huge problem, the main reason why you were currently in denial.

You were so lost into the depths of your mind that you barely registered a slender figure approaching you with a Mephistophelian grin promising nothing but troubles and sufferings.

“Ah, what’s Aizen’s pet doing out of her cage?” Nnoitora asked you, tilting his head to the side as his eye scrutinized your body in a way that made your skin crawl. It was not the first time he did that, but the last time he had tried something Sosuke was there to stop him. His presence alone was enough to prevent any of the Hollows to display hostility and inappropriate gestures to you. How pathetic were you for wishing your captor was there to save you?

“I was just going back to my room” you flatly replied, twirling around hastily and making your way back to your bedroom.

It was pretty obvious you were not going to be safe there, not as you felt Nnoitra’s hand latch onto the column of your throat and pulling you back against him. Your eyes grew round, whilst you wriggled in his grasp, your hands attempting to create a barrier from his hand and your neck to let you breathe properly. Maybe, for the first time ever, you felt real fear. Was it not funny how you never felt such a baleful feeling around Sosuke, the worst man living in Hueco Mundo?

“Nnoitra, let me go” you hissed, scrunching your nose up in disgust when his free hand skimmed down the bare skin of your stomach, exposed for the design of your uniform.

The Espada at your back scoffed, his pointy nose gliding down your cheek, his tongue licking a stripe of your skin “Why would I do that? Hasn’t Lord Aizen taught you to be a good pet?” he mocked you, his grip on your neck tightening significantly.

Your vision became dotted, your breath cut short, as your strength began to leave your body. A victim of Nnoitora’s abuses was definitely a pitiful way to go down, or at least it would have been so, for a baritone voice piercing your ears saved your life. There, he was there to save you.

“Haven’t I taught you to keep your distance from her?” Aizen asked calmly, whilst the Espada dropped you instantly onto the floor.

You landed onto the ground on your hands and knees, panting, eyes watering in panic as you bit your tongue not to thank him. You oughted him your life, but being in debt with the very man you were supposed to kill was a stain on your moral code. Your pride was crumbling and you felt so embarrassed that you did not even realise that the Espada had left you alone with Sosuke in the desert corridor.

You did not realise it, until his hand cupped your cheek and you found him knelt in front of you, inspecting your body in search for possible injuries.

“Are you hurt?” he asked you, his thumb grazing your cheekbone, sending shivers down your spine.

Back in your room, you had to flee from there and lock yourself in your stupid room.

“No” you shortly whispered, staring deeply into his caramel brown eyes.

“What were you doing out of your room alone?”.

“I could not sleep”.

“Liar”.

You sighed, grasping his wrist to lower his hand from your face, your eyes averting from him to stare at the void at his back “It’s not your business, I just want to go back to my quarters now ”.

Sosuke did not seem to protest, not as he helped you back on your feet and silently led you to your room. His presence was not suffocating, not at all, but the words leaving his mouth before he wished you a good rest would have haunted you for days.

“I would not be pleased, if something happened to you”.

To pull you back from your small tour in the memories you had made in Las Noches was the mod-soul’s voice, ringing out in the living room as she protested to your request of making Kisuke leave.

“He’s not leaving! What is it, you go to the Soul Society and come back as a holier-than-thou bitch? It’s only fair I have my fun too!” Ran chirped out, narrowing her eyes as Kisuke tried to get free from her overly affectionate embrace.

If only she knew what you had been up to in the Soul Society, she would have definitely not said such a thing. With your eye twitching, you walked up to her and tangled your fingers in her hair, yanking her back towards you. Solving one problem at the time starting from her was the best decision ever and you were currently running out of patience.

Ran winced, hands flying up to try and set herself free from your grip, but you were faster than her “Listen up, you randy minx, if you like Kisuke that much I’ll gladly kick you out of my house as well. Bye and have fun with him!” you snarled, elbowing her on the stomach to let the small green pill pop out of your body. More than them leaving your house, you justed needed some peace.

Ran gagged, as the pill popped out of her mouth, the trajectory leading to Sosuke that quickly grasped it and stared in disdain at the small sphere in his hand. For a second, you got distracted, fearing he was going to destroy it and you let your now lifeless body onto the floor carelessly. It was true that you had gotten mad at Ran, but you did not wish for her to be eradicated from this world. Deep down, you cared about her, enough to gulp down forcefully and extending your hand towards him.

“Nice catch… Hand me Ran back, please” you stated politely.

Sosuke huffed “All it would take to get rid of this insignificant prick would be a mere snap of my fingers. — he reasoned, flicking his gaze up to look at you — Are you sure you want her back?” he inquired, making you regret having hit her all of a sudden and out of irritation.

“Hey, Ran isn’t a prick! She’s my creation and a being!” Kisuke interjected, stomping his foot as he took a step towards Sosuke, his tone actually serious after a long while.

“Is that what you do for a living now? — Sosuke sarcastically asked him, his gaze now transfixed on the shop-keeper — Creating girls for you to exploit?” he provoked him, but you were quick to stop Kisuke from sprinting towards him. Your arms were tightly wrapped around the man who had trained you, now your boss at the shop, a great friend, and your eyes were practically pleading him not to let things escalate.

Kisuke scoffed, grey eyes locking with yours “I will kill him for real this time” he asserted, only for you to shake your head and bring him back on Earth.

“You perfectly know it is impossible to do it”.

Sosuke watched you two almost disinterested in your conversation, rolling the pill between his fingers whilst exploring your flat. He had, in fact, noticed the gigai in the corridor. Albeit he was not a fan of this whole plan of him living in the World of the livings, he could at least enjoy some fresh air in a real body. Ignoring you two, he did not waste any precious time in possessing the gigai.

Catching a glimpse of what he was doing, you gawked and blinked a couple of times in curiosity “What… Oh, you found it” you noted, hearing Kisuke huff and fold his arms against his chest.

“It’s a regular gigai. You will experience all human needs: eating, sleeping, biological functions and impulses… — Kisuke explained, ambling towards the couch to grasp the tiger plushie you usually let Ran inhabiting — Hopefully, it will contain most of your reiatsu. As you can see, you have no cuffs, just the eye-patch. Wear it outside this flat, or I will literally come to stress the hell out of you” he admonished the brunette, before roughly snatching the pill from Sosuke’s hand and walking casually towards the front door. The way Kisuke had said ‘hopefully’ did not go unnoticed to you. Probably, the gigai was not ultimated. Shivers ran down your spine at the thought of Sosuke being a practical nuclear bomb.

Sosuke quirked his eyebrow up, running his fingers through his hair, getting comfortable in his new arrangement “Leave” he merely stated, making you roll your eyes, as you accompanied Kisuke to the exit.

Peace, the incoming peace was the only thing prompting you to collaborate. You were going to have a long talk with Sosuke, once alone, but nothing you could not deal with. After all, he could be reasonable, if he wanted. Well, not with everyone but with you he did. That weird way of getting along never ceased to amaze you.

Opening the door, you waved your hand at Kisuke “See you at work tomorrow, I guess” you said, only for Kisuke to shake his head and motion at the man at your back, leaning against the wall with an unreadable face. He always shut everyone out of his head. It was frustrating. You wanted to know what was going on inside his head, for once.

“Take a week to settle down with mister ‘I-am-a-god-kiss-my-ass’. You must be tired” Kisuke’s fatherly tone surprised you, but you gave up. No, you would have not passed off a chance to take some time for yourself and establish some rules for your new housemate.

“Thanks” you smiled weakly, watching Kisuke wink at you and leave your flat with his usual calm demeanor.

You did not wait for him to disappear from your sight: you walked back home, closing the door behind you and walking to the kitchen in a desperate need of a glass of water. Your back was facing the entrance, as you reached your hand up to the cupboard to grasp a glass.

You never got to reach it, though, not as you felt Sosuke’s fingers tangle in your hair and straining your neck back to face him. It was not a brutal grip, it was firm yet gentle. His breath was warm against your earlobe. Caged between the counter and his body, you did not move an inch, only curling your hands around the edge of the forniture. This could not go on. Was he going to jump on you at any given occasion?

“Sosuke—” you warned him, voice too soft for your own likings, but he hushed you.

“Go back into your body”.

“What—”.

“I don’t like to repeat myself” Sosuke demanded, before delicately nudging you towards the living room, his grip on your hair now gone completely. You had no idea of what he wanted, or why, but you just followed his instructions, slowly entering back into your real body, that was lying onto the floor at his feet. It was just for your sake, not to hear him bitching around any longer. This was what you told yourself.

Staring up at him from this position, you blinked up at Sosuke. You tried to understand what he wanted, the reason behind such a request, and you sat up, but the way he eagerly knelt next to you to grasp your jaw left you startled.

“What’s your deal now? We have tons of shit to do, we cannot waste our time like that” you protested, only for Sosuke to lean his face closer to yours and causing your breath to hitch in your throat. You expected a kiss, foolishly, a kiss that never came, but you ended up being asked a question that left you speechless.

His thumb played with your bottom lip, the pad running over it as he spoke “I need you to tell me if you taste his cum in your mouth”.

You stared at him with wide eyes, your mouth hanging open “Sosuke, what the fuck—”.

He cut you off, once again, getting on your nerves as he clamped your mouth shut forcefully “Focus on what you taste on your tongue” he insisted, making your blood boil in your veins. You did not even want to think about what Kisuke and Ran had been up to and now here he was, asking you to concentrate to detect the slightest taste of Kisuke’s release in your mouth.

You scoffed, fist clenching, while you tried to punch him straight on the nose. His large hand engulfing it, though, made you halt and you bristled in annoyance. He did not even have the rights to ask you about such a thing, let alone possibly feeling pissed about it.

“You are sick, you know that?” you bitterly fired back, only to suddenly realise you actually felt a sour taste in the back of your throat. Your brows furrowed, nose scrunching up as you inhaled sharply through your nose. Well, how ironic it was Kisuke had really come down Ran’s throat, while in your body? Awesome!

You stood up abruptly, Sosuke’s jaw clenching, obviously putting the pieces together “Wash your teeth. I don’t want to smell that stench in your mouth” he coldly asserted, only for you to turn around again and jab your finger at him.

“Hey, that’s my life, my body, my choices. I already made it painly clear that I did not appreciate what’s happened. I don’t need you to boss me around, or defend me” you blurted out, heart thrumming against your ribcage so violently you thought you were going to pass out. Genuinely frustrated, full of rage, mostly irritation for your own feelings, for the things you wished had never happened and the ones you actually would have loved to become true, you cussed under your back.

You hated how he acted like your boyfriend at times, how a friend would, and how possessive he had grown to be through the time you spent together. Your standards had been molded on him, on what he had let you see that one time you really met him before you were even dragged to the Soul Society and for the good man he had let you believe he was.

“You only ever blame everything on me, do you? Is that because it’s easier to hate me than hating your own feelings?” he dispassionately replied, not moving an inch from where he was standing.

If a blade had went clean through your heart, it would have hurt less than his words. Why did he always have to be right? Why did he read you so easily, bringing out all of your fears and thoughts you pushed in the back of your mind?

Your mouth felt like chalk. Standing a few feet away from him, you bit the insides of your cheeks not to lash out and show more vulnerability to the very man who had made mind control his job.

“I won’t stand here and listen to you give me a sermon about feelings, when you can’t even cope with yours” you mumbled, staggering towards the bathroom before tears could spill out from your eyes.

“I heard you liked reading. That’s my private collection. You can come here whenever you want” Sosuke said, standing right beside you in the middle of a large library. Glass bookcases were outlined all around you two, ladders pushed against each of them, crystal chandeliers were hanging from the ceiling above your heads.

You would have never imagined Las Noches hid such a magnificent room within its walls. You were genuinely in awe, your eyes wandering in every angle of the room to explore it. Who had told him you enjoyed reading? Probably, just like he had done with your brother, he had studied each and every move of yours.

“Do you come here often?” you asked him, hand gliding over the smooth surface of a desk, not a grain of dust coated your fingers. He probably sent his servants to clean up the place regularly. A man of power and control who loved stability would have never let his posessions decay.

“Quite often, yes” he replied promptly, keeping a comfortable distance between you two, albeit his eyes never left your frame. He had learned everything about you. Your body language, your reactions to certain provocations, your likings even.

You sighed, turning around to face him “Why would I come here, risking to bump into you then?” quirking your eyebrow up expectantly. After all, you would have rather avoided meeting him more than it was stri ctly necessary. While reading a novel could provide you a form of escapism, his presence would have not helped you relax.

Sosuke faintly smiled, a rare one, before looking straight at an undefined point ahead of him “Because humans make sacrifices for love. I believe you would be persistent enough to keep on reading, if I supposedly ruined your moment of peace with my presence”.

Smart man. He always knew exactly what to do and say.

You straightened your back, resting the small of your back against the edge of the desk “And what do you know about love? You are the last person I expect to talk about human passions. If you can’t feel it, you can’t describe it”.

“Pretty arrogant assertion, Y/N. Why would you say my knowledge of feelings doesn’t come from experience?” he asked you in return, hands behind his back as if he was having just a common conversation.

“Because you can’t feel love. You never did, you never will and surely you don’t feel it now. — you confidently replied, eyes locked with his whilst he listened to you in interest — Your data are the product of the empiric observations of people you met, or novels you have read” you bitterly punctuated.

Maybe you wished to be correct. You really did, but Sosuke never told you if you were right, nor if you were wrong. He simply smiled again, closing his eyes for a few seconds before leaving you there, alone in one of his favorite places, a place he never allowed people to explore.

In the end, you were brilliant, but not observant.

To bring you back to reality was the doorbell ringing. Who could it be now? Considering Kisuke had left and your father did not even knoq you were back yet, you found yourself sprinting out of the bathroom in a rush. You could not risk Sosuke messing up your life by interacting with whomever was requiring your presence. By the time you reached the front door, though, you felt your stomach churn. Sosuke had already opened the door and was apparently striking up a cordial conversation with your obnoxious neighbour who loved gossip. Of course she had to barge in today.

“Mrs. Watanabe, it’s good to see you” you stated, approaching Sosuke, who made space for you to stand next to him on the threshold. Now, the real question was: what the Hell did Sosuke tell her?

“There she is. — the woman piped out, displaying a fake smile that made you want to headbutt her — As I was saying to this handsome man, I did not mean to interrupt anything, but I wanted to ask you if you could be a dear and watch over my daughter tomorrow. I have important matters to take care of and I won’t be home until late in the evening” the woman said, eyeing you suspiciously.

The urge to escape into the Soul Society was quite strong as you suppressed a big ‘go fuck yourself’ threatening to leave your mouth. Instead, you smiled at her and nodded your head “Yes, of course. I’ll be glad to help a fellow woman” you stated, flinching as she bursted out laughing in her typical enervating high-pitched tone that you loathed oh so much.

“Oh, thanks, dear! You know, with the amount of boys I’ve seen come and go from your flat the past few weeks, I thought you were way too busy and tired to watch over Aoi!” the hag chortled, your eye twitching as you scoffed.

Ran. What the Hell had that mod-soul done?

It was time for Sosuke to step in, however, as he cleared his throat “I beg your pardon, ma’am, but my girlfriend and I are quite busy now. I have recently decided to move in her flat and we have to unbox my stuff” Sosuke smoothly interjected, watching the way the woman in front of you gaped at the unexpected news.

My girlfriend and I. My girlfriend and I.

It took you way too long to react and let his words sink in, his arm was already enveloping your waist, pulling you against his chest. He had really screwed up this time. You wanted to protest, you really did, but, when you opened your mouth and no words came out of it, all you could do was watching in horror the way he waved his hand at the woman and the door closed with a click. Panic. You were absolutely going to explode right on that spot as you shoved him off of you roughly, hand gripping the collar of his white shirt to make him lean down at your level.

“I had fucking told you not to interfer with my life. What the Hell did you just do?” you hissed through gritted teeth, whilst he smiled down at you in his own special way. In the way that had made you blush, the first time you met.

Sosuke hummed “She implied you were a whore. I saved your reputation” he defended himself, before grasping your wrist delicately and nudging you towards the wall.

Your back flattened against it, his hands pinning yours above your head as he let his nose brush against yours “Unless you would like to feed her fantasy and let her spread the news you are, indeed, a cheap whore. In that case, I can fuck you hard enough to make your throat burn for the screams you will let out” he whispered, before stepping back all of a sudden and leaving you slump down onto the floor with your cheeks on fire and your breath labored.

Shunsui Kyoraku was going to be responsible for your death, for Sosuke was gradually poisoning you.

AUTHOR NOTE.

Hello there! Thanks to everyone who is invested in this story! Your support is greatly appreciated, really. Getting down to business, what do you think of Urahara and Ran? I know she was technically in our body, but it was necessary in order to get a certain reaction from our beloved special threat, oops! I will probably give Ran a proper body, beside the plushie form ✨ Also, seeing the reader dealing with a kid will give Sosuke ideas. Trust me.

Until next,

x o x o

TAGS: @pseudowho @seireiteihellbutterfly @onyxino @areyouflying @bakugosgirl01 @noirfan12 @velaenaa

[askatriangleandastar]

Dunno if this plays to the view of jack/vlad (sorry for derailment if it doesn't)

But the fact that there is a very, *very* good chance that if Jack was killed by Vlad that he'd be back as a ghost. That is a man he sees as his great friend, bestie even and that'd be a betrayal to leave a few hang ups to say the least.

If THIS is how obsessed VLAD is from his first death, the catastrophizing of what JACK would be. If Jack came back and Vlad could look his former friend on equal terms. Each a killer and victim [to Vlad's view on this all] to each other- what is he when it's over? if it's not enough, if Jack doesn't hate him back and he has an eternity to know he was wrong about being hurt and left behind intentionally??

What keeps him from acting when he has ample means to, if not what holds back so many who look like they have it all? Fear.

His hands are clean with proxies, freak accidents (ie the vultures) and his focus on taking Maddie from Jack yet not really having a focus for what a life with her either!! Hollow fantasy that is easier to focuson, vauge enough to not commit to entirely before Danny alters his direction. His hate for Jack yet that belief Jack would have genuinely not done it twice when he was left behind at the end of the series. Call it him thinking Jack just gullible, but the idea of being at that edge of everything again and wanting to be WRONG about a belief that has shaped his whole life, nearly. Of reaching out to the person he has despised, the only person who never stopped caring about him.... and having to exist in his ghost form because of SPACE, alone more than ever and knowing it was a choice this time. No accident, no mistake, looked in the eye and rejected.

Call that some Emotional Damage, to not even consider an element of love there. If Jack being bigger than life hurt to face when he was hardly half alive, respect for space and isolation making a well-aged vintage of bitterness and warped perspective. If he can't let go, if there's a comfort that he hasn't been forgotten by people who knew him before the billionaire phase but a discomfort in knowing he can't ever go back. That for however welcoming Jack is, the pain that's taken root in the spaces where a heart broke and stopped beating, it poisons his veins and makes accepting it sincerely too much to ask for. And it kills him so many times, in hundreds of little ways, until Jack is what severs as the final axe swing for facing death a second time, and again alone. The tragedy of stars uncrossed, only to meet to seperate even further.

"Vlad would sell Jack to Satan for a corn chip" I don't think we are giving Jack Fenton enough credit for leaving Vlad to die twice

[ikealoki]

old order headshots + headcanons because hell yeah

i dont really have a hc for soren but the idea od him being missing is so interesting. its confirmed that ivor (and harper?) were on a mission to find him but obviously havent. the easiest answer is he went back to the end, but thats obvious meaning he/they probably looked there and he clearly isnt since they havent found him. so where the hell is he? theres no chance that hes in the portal network because of jesse being in posession of the flint and steel and hed have to way to get around without it, but considering hes a master builder and knew where ivors lab and enchantments are maybe he made his own?? i dunno. but its interesting. i wish that if there ever is a season 3 (highly doubt) we’ll get some closure on him. the only reason he wasnt in s2 is because the team said they wanted new characters, but considering how sparse soren was i feel like it couldve worked. but like i said i really want to know where he actually went and how his books got everywhere, its a fun concept.

gabriel!!! i dont know why he doesnt get more love hes amazing. but id like to think he lives near beacon town, not near enough to know about the admin shit but near enough to where jesse could get to him if hes needed without it being a whole ass journey. i think hed like to be more involved but feels too much guilt about the old order’s actions and feels like a fraud despite the fact that he is actually capable.

ellie my beloved. i understand any and all soregaard shipping but i like to think of them as having a sibling dynamic, like ellegaard has the older sister role whos exhausted by his “quirks” but will defend him with her life if anyone was judgemental. nerd club!!! also i feel like theres like a really intricate baroque style painting of her somewhere, maybe soren made it and its tucked away somewhere in his base. i know thats oddly specific. but it just feels right.

magnus!! (this is the one im most proud of)

i dont have many thoughts about him but i think hes bald on purpose. like his hair is too much of a fire hazard and his paranoia drives him to shave it off, even though he has his stupid ass fishbowl helmet its his way of staying on guard.

ivor!! this one isnt actually done because the filed corrupted while i eas working on it :( so i just did final editing on a separate application after screenshotting what i could

but as for hcs id like to think if he ever did/does find soren that hed encourage his work with endermen after learning what he was really doing. maybe making enchantments or potions to help him work among the endermen more freely or things like that. id ljke to imagine thered be an instance where jesse would have to go to the end for something and among the end cities theres a little cottage style structure and ivor and soren are just in there sharing their recent adventures over tea or slow dancing to one of sorens records. theyre in love JUST TRUST ME PLEA

and thats it! if u want to use any for anything feel free jusg credit meeee @ ikealoki 🗿

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

The Truth of the Matter

A/N: Warning dirty talk and misunderstandings of a certain word.

Summary: One day, Eddie, Dustin, Lucas, and Mike decide to summon a fairy. . .it's Steve Harrington. Chaos ensues. Pre-season 4, pre-Steddie.

Eddie pouted as he sat down on his throne. He was really looking forward to playing tonight, but Gareth, Jeff, and Frankie were all out sick. They had all gotten mono, which is what they get for practicing kissing. Gareth immediately yelled at him for that comment. Apparently, that's not what happened. Eddie was cackling to himself when the door opened. Dustin, Mike, and Lucas all filtered in talking excitedly.

"Hey, buttheads, did you not get the memo? Hellfire has been canceled," Eddie said.

"We thought you were joking," Dustin said.

"You never cancel Hellfire for anything," Lucas frowned.

"Well, Jeff, Gareth, and Frankie are all out sick with the kissing disease," Eddie said.

"Oh, that's right, they weren't at lunch," Mike said.

"Well, now what?" Lucas asked.

"You boys want to perform a spell?" Eddie said. "I found this cool little book at a Flea Market. Want to try it?"

Mike, Lucas, and Dustin all shared weary looks.

"Uh. . . "

"What? Don't be a bunch of chicken shits. Nothing is going to happen. It's just for fun," Eddie said. "What could possibly go wrong?"

"Of course, nothing is going to happen," Dustin said laughing. "That would he crazy."

"You're laughing a little hard there, Henderson," Eddie said. "It's not like I'm going to accidentally open a portal to hell."

Now, it was Lucas, Dustin, and Mike all laughing rather loudly. Eddie gave them all strange looks.

"Robes!" Eddie exclaimed, clapping his hands.

"We have those?" Lucas asked, and Eddie just cackled.

Several moments later, they lowered the lights and slipped on robes that covered their faces. Lit candles were scattered around them as Eddie opened a leather bound book in front of them.

"Why in the fuck did I get stuck with the pink robe?" Mike asked. "Why are all the others black and this one is pink?"

"You were too slow, Mike. Now, hush," Dustin said.

"What are we summoning?" Lucas asked.

"A fairy," Eddie replied.

"Why a fairy?" He asked.

"Well, according to this book, fairies have extraordinary healing abilities, bring you good luck, and have the ability to shield you from harm," Eddie said. "Sounds cool although, sometimes they have shitty luck themselves, so I don't know how that works."

"It also says they're loneliest creatures on the planet because they're wildly misunderstood," Dustin read over his shoulder. "Rather than harming children like some think, these creatures do everything in their power to protect them from harm. Most of the time, it is because they themselves were stolen in the night as children to be used by human greed. Aw, why didn't you say you just wanted to summon a lonely fairy who protects children?"

"Shut it, Henderson," Eddie said.

"And you're sure they won't be able to see our faces?" Dustin asked, and Eddie gave him a look. "Right. Shutting up."

Eddie began speaking and used his deep dungeon master voice as he said the spell. After the entire spell was done, they waited. . . and waited. . . Finally, a huge gust of wind swirled around them, the flames grew large, and the lights flickered behind them. Suddenly, a figure was falling in the middle of their circle with a loud thud.

"I was on a fucking ladder! What the fuck!" Steve’s voice yelled. "Oh, there's the light bulb. Huh, it didn't break."

Steve flopped onto his back and screamed at the sight of hooded figures surrounding him. Surprised voices whispered excitedly as they looked down on him. Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at the sight of the bright pink one.

"Do not be afraid, Steve Harrington," a deep voice spoke. "We mean you no harm."

"What the fuck do you want from me?" Steve asked. "How did you even bring me here?"

"Magic. . .tell us your deepest, darkest secrets," the voice said.

"Fuck. Fuck! Okay! Okay! I, uh, like blue and yellow, but what everyone doesn't know, besides Robin, is that I like the color pink," Steve said.

"Interesting, but not what we're looking for," the voice said.

"I always wanted a little brother, but it wasn't until the kids I babysit came into my life that I finally got the siblings I always wanted, and I think if anyone of them died, I would die," Steve said.

"Aw," a familiar voice said softly and sniffled.

"That's . . . Really fucking sweet but no, not what I'm looking for," the voice said.

"Okay, okay. . .Robin's like my best friend in the world, my platonic soulmate, but I lied to her. She asked me if I was still in love with Nancy Wheeler, and I lied, I think I always will be. I just didn't want to seem so pathetic because I know it's over," Steve said. "Is that it?"

"Uh. . .warmer. . ."

"I once had a sex dream where I was with Jonathan and Nancy, but I never told anyone because I thought it would be weird."

"What the fu - "

"Quiet," the deep voice said. "That isn't what I'm looking for, but, uh, close."

"Okay, I once got my dick sucked at a party by a guy, and it led me to a lot of realizations. . ." Steve trailed off.

"OKAY. . .mi'lord, I do not think this man knows that he is a fairy," one of the figures said.

"HEY! That is a really offensive term. I'm bisexual," Steve replied. "Sacrifice me all you want but respect my sexuality please. Although I once used a rude term, I didn't know about myself at the time. Do you want to talk before you kill me?"

"You're, uh, surprisingly calm now," the deep voice said. "For someone who thinks we're going to kill them."

"Well, it's happened too many times now," Steve shrugged. "Is that what you wanted to know?"

". . .no."

"Well, I wish I was a woman sometimes. . .mostly because I wish I could go through the birthing process. . . I don't think my parents are my real parents. . . I once let Robin touch my dick because she wanted to know what it felt like. . . It was weird for both of us. . .sometimes I think about getting on my knees for Eddie Munson and - "

"OOKAY! STEVE, STOP SPILLING YOUR DEEP DARK SECRETS! I ACCEPT YOU FOR ALL OF IT BUT SOME THINGS SHOULD REMAIN A MYSTERY!"

"Let him speak!" The deep voice said.

"Stop with the sexual ones, at least!"

"Okay. . .um, it makes me really happy to know that I have a hobby to share with one of my kids. I mean, at least one of them, you know, understands why I like basketball so much. I love all of my kids, and I really wish I could play D&D, but I'm not great at math. I don't want to look more stupid in front of them. More importantly, I could be doing anything with them, and I still feel less alone knowing they want me to be around them. . . Even if they're being shitheads. I love it though, when they bitch at me. They're my family, and I've never really felt like I had that until they came along," Steve said. "Robin, too. She's my family too."

Suddenly, all Steve could hear was the sound of them sniffling, and they dropped to their knees around him. They dropped their hoods, revealing Mike, Dustin, and Lucas. They all hugged him tightly.

"What the fuck?" Steve asked.

"We'll explain it all later," Dustin sniffled. "Just know that we love you too."

"Oh, you're also adopted," Mike muttered.

"He wasn't adopted! He was kidnapped!" Lucas exclaimed.

"Oh, right."

The other person dropped their hood, revealing Eddie Munson.

"So, what was that thing you wanted to do with Eddie?" He asked with a smirk.

Suddenly, the doors burst open and Robin came running in, breathing heavily.

"Guys! Steve was changing the light bulb in Family Video, and he just disappeared - oh, hey, Steve! Steve! What the fuck's going on?!" Robin asked.

"Robin, guess what?!" Mike asked. "Steve’s a fucking fairy!"

"No! Robin, don't punch Mike! That's not what he meant!"

Mike screamed.

Part Two

[cambion-companion]

could I request for you to write an scenario in which Raphael does not die to Tav nor their party, but in an other similarly humiliating circumstances, and Tav when learning about this desperately goes to save Raphael from his father by bargaining with Mephistopheles? (hilariously in a very sad way, I assume this, is the only moment that Mephistopheles would ever "value" Raphael's life, but then again that is devils for you) and Raphael's confusion at the whole thing, someone taking a terrible bargain to save him, just… because they… like him…??? (bonus points, if Tav still has a crown to willingly give Raphael XD)

It's beat up Raphael hours huh? (also Korilla will be fine)

Hi there love. This turned from a drabble into a oneshot haha

Have fun running to Cania to pick up your wayfaring devil!

Raphael x reader (gn)

Korilla had come to you.

Broker and bruised, battered and bloody. Her long curly hair matted with mud and dried viscous.

“Help him.”  Her first words, rasped from a throat raw from screams.

“Korilla!”  You caught her weight as her knees buckled, lowering her gently to the ground.  The Dwarven woman wasn’t your friend by any means, but she had been your ally.  “Who needs my help?”  You couldn’t fathom who she might be referring to.

Surely it wasn’t Raphael. It couldn’t possibly be the enigmatic, self-assured cambion.

Korilla’s answering rasp dispelled any doubt. “My master.”

A fog of shock settled over your mind, your hands loosening around Korilla’s shaking form.  She whispered the truth into your ear, her bruised lips trailing her blood onto your clammy skin. With fading voice Korilla told of the attack, Raphael’s demise and his imminent doom.

“Portal. Diabolist.  Cania.”  Korilla’s breaths grew short as she fought valiantly once more against the oncoming black.

“Hold on, Korilla.  You’re going to be okay.”

“Save him.” She said again, her eyes slowly glossing over as the life left her broken body.

You cursed.  The warlock’s last actions had been to find you in a desperate hope you’d help Raphael before he was consumed by his father.  His father who just so happened to be an archdevil. Mephistopheles.

“Little shit could’ve mentioned that.”  You grimaced, lowering Korilla’s body to rest upon the cold earth.

You stood, pinching the bridge of your nose as your thoughts whirled and clashed. Not only had the attackers killed Raphael, but they had also looted his house, stealing the Orphic hammer and the only hope you’d had of defeating the Elder Brain.

“Damn it.”  You returned to your companions with the news. “Looks like we’re taking a rescue party to hell.”

“Who’s the damsel in distress?”  Astarion asked, tilting his head as his red eyes flickered over your blood-flecked form.

“Raphael.”

The plan was to use as much stealth as possible. The vaults of Mephisto had been broken into not long ago, according to Raphael, so it was possible.  A direct confrontation with the archdevil himself was out of the question.  

The diabolist in Baldur’s Gate took some convincing, but in the end you were able to push enough gold across the counter to seal the deal.  

“Very well.  Though I warn you, you’ll not return alive or with your souls intact.”

“Yes, yes.”  You waved the woman off, her visage reminding you of Korilla. “Believe me, I’ve heard it all before.”  Your eyes scanned the musky shop. Do you have anything that will locate a specific fiend?”

With a Locate Creature spell scroll ready in your bag you watched as the diabolist created for you a portal. Ice crystals immediately crusted on the edge of the black abyss, the wind coming from the portal nearly freezing your shoes to the floor.

“Quickly, and remember the disguises!”  She ushered you and your party through, the frigid darkness enveloping you with a grim finality.

Through cold halls you’d snuck, invisible fingers cold as death scraping along your back and through your hair as you passed beneath torches of blue flame.

Time lost all meaning here.  Your eyes began to play tricks on you. The only thing keeping your mind focused was the spell lighting the edge of your vision with a warm glow, growing brighter as you hurried to where Raphael was being held.

An age, or an hour had passed.

The wrought iron door, so cold to the touch it burned, swung noiselessly inward, admitting you to an octagonal shaped room. On the far wall you saw him, his form dark, chained by one wrist to the wall.

“Raphael.”  You hissed, unexplainable relief flooding your frozen veins when his head moved in response.  

Your companions waited by the open doorway, keeping watch from the shadows.  You snuck as quickly as you could to where Raphael was restrained. His glowing eyes looking down upon you with consternation before recognition slowly dawned across his sharp features.

You held up a hand, silencing him as he opened his mouth. Movement could be heard from outside the prison room. You were running out of time.

“Can you get us out of here if I free you?”  You hissed, still keenly aware of the nature of the devil.

Raphael nodded, his tail moving to and fro in agitation.  Something about his vitality seemed to be missing, you had never imagined seeing him in such a state.  It was unsettling.

The matter of removing the singular shackle proved to be more challenging than you’d thought.  Astarion’s lockpicking skills proved futile.

“It’s a magical seal.”  Raphael breathed, his voice low yet sharp with anger born of desperation. “Now’s not the time to play the fool.”

You gave him a severe look which he matched right back at you, his eyes sparking flame.

You raised a hand to the ice-covered metal, about to dispel the magic surrounding the lock. “You owe me a favor.  A big one.  I don’t know yet what I will ask of you, but you will deliver. Understood?”

Raphael’s gaze scorched you for a moment, it was clear he was furious with his current predicament. But he had no choice, and both of you knew it.

He nodded curtly.

You cast your spell.

Raphael’s wrist broke free with the sharp sound of metal splintering. His hand closed tight around your arm, the dungeons of Mephisto melted away as you and your companions were yanked unceremoniously back to the material plane.

At least, your companions were.  Deposited non-gently upon the hard ground of your camp.

Raphael kept hold of you.  Taking you back to the foyer of his house. The house which still lay in semi ruin from its previous sacking.

He was angry.  Each step he took crackled fire and promise of swift vengeance.

“Raphael…”  You said hesitantly, following him down into the dining hall.  “Raphael, Korilla-”

“Is dead.”  Under the glow of firelight, you could properly see the state he was in. You winced when he turned to face you. “I know. Though not as dead as those who dared pillage my home, the fools.”

“Do you know who?”  You remained wary as you watched him conjure an armchair and sink down into it.

Raphael ignored your question, he issued orders in the abrasive Infernal tongue, seemingly into thin air.  His fingers clicked and a spark of flame licked around them.  Unseen servants began bustling around, clearing the debris and wreckage.  Setting the House of Hope back in order.

Raphael leveled his gaze upon you.  His expression was not unkind, it was calculating.  He had underestimated you and overestimated himself.  Not a mistake he’d make again.

“Why?”  No flowery words, no ado.

“I still need the hammer.”  You had the response prepared, having known the question was coming.

“You could have hunted down the thieves without my help.”  Raphael narrowed his hellfire eyes. “Why come to my aid?”

“Korilla asked me to.  It was her dying wish.”  You fidgeted under his piercing presence. “Besides, you’re a useful ally.  I still need your help to save the world.”

Raphael arched a brow, unconvinced. “Half-truths are still considered lies, dear.  But there are matters I must attend to.”  He stood, restless.  

“Will your father come for you again once he realizes you’re gone.”  The question came before you could stop yourself.

��Concerned for me?”  Raphael appraised you, a knowing tilt to his head. “No.  He will not.”

You didn’t argue, Raphael was clearly on edge, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.

You rubbed circles against your aching temple. “Well, seems we have some thieves to track down.  A hammer to retrieve.”

Raphael looked as though he was biting back a sharp retort.  He chewed on his words, looking you over. “Yes.”  He growled, infernal fire flickering off his form. “You may watch as I peel their souls from the writhing mortal flesh.”

In an unexpected move, Raphael strode to you and took your hand, placing a kiss to your knuckles. His breath hot on your still chilled skin. “You may even assist me, if you so desire.”  He straightened.

That was as close to a “thank you” as you were going to get.

You set your jaw grimly. “When do we start?”

[seaghosst]

master post for my leoichi crossover au:

★ Four Swords (are better than two) ★

✧ summary/explanation

an au where the rottmnt movie and the srtuc finale happen at the same time, and the simultaneous opening/closure of multiversal portals sends leo into the srtuc universe.

TWS: anything that would apply to the rottmnt movie, injuries/potential blood?

tags:

#four swords are better than two - comics

#four swords - art

#fsabtt - anything four swords related

#four swords fanart - fanart :D!!

✧ comics/story things (story order)

intro (4/4)

leo gets a clue

not yokai (3/3)

bonding! kind of!

clothes

meeting draxum

✧ refs

leo ref

✧ drawings

spot

heaven or las vegas?

music

humans

✧ shitposts

who tf

found family

leo going through the portal

what is going on

✧ this au is just for fun! my style will be very inconsistent because that’s just how i draw. i do not have everything planned out but i want this idea out of my head :) i have never done something like this before so bare with me!! but feel free to ask questions i love talking about these losers

[tswwwit]

Cipher's Personal Portable Portal Part 2

Here's the link to the first one! This picks up immediately after.

About five minutes later, with several pages of his notebook filled out and still frantically scribbling, Dipper decides this was a great idea. 

Bill’s explanations are startlingly detailed, if delivered with little context and a lot of assumptions of prior knowledge. Like listening to the instructions of a master, skillfully explained at a damning pace that makes keeping up a challenge. 

No wonder Bill was able to make the phone if this is the level he’s working at. On the staircase of skill, he’s sitting near the top, waving tauntingly to anyone below him over the railing.

There’s a kind of excitement, too. Not just on Dipper’s part - even Bill, amazingly, seems happy that Dipper’s keeping up, until he’s practically trying to outrun him. 

And failing. Bill picked the wrong subject if he wanted to test brains. Dipper’s going to give him a run for his money.

The discussion continues longer than he expected, both lively and rapid. Demonic knowledge never seemed like it would have *that* much kick to it. At some level, Dipper kind of expected it to be primal and instinctual - but instead of delivering magic with brute force, Bill talks in high-level theory. Still practiced with more power than a human could manage. But clever.

He jots down that in his notes before he forgets. The difference between a regular demon and a really dangerous demon likely has less to do with raw power, and more on how they use it. Not so different from people, then. 

Dipper pauses as his wrist starts aching from notes. It gives him space to think, and grimace. 

Curiosity is great and all. But he has got to be cautious here. 

Bad ideas have wrecked older, more talented magicians than him. He knows the lure of knowledge, and how easily he could be suckered into some kind of trap. Demons are simultaneously a great source of creative knowledge - and awful, in terms of tricks.

Learning one spell, though, and one he’s already mastered the normal way, probably isn’t going to hurt. And it has been a while since he’s talked to someone like this. 

A person not bored senseless by talking spellcraft. Someone who keeps up with the conversation, fully engaged, without needing a primer. Who doesn’t think that ‘good enough’ is actually good enough, when you could do it better and cooler.

Their entire conversation might be more worrying, actually -  if Bill wasn’t kind of a nerd. 

Clearly he gets a kick out of teaching, if the enthusiasm and exclamation points are any indication. All his insights are precise and sharp, his concepts clever - 

And he doesn’t dismiss Dipper’s weirder ideas. No, he has opinions on them. Loud ones. 

Said opinions are also less-than-moral. But it’s weirdly fun to argue the details. Dipper quickly learns that enough nitpicking and ‘bet you can’t’ taunts turn the more explosive concepts into usable ones.

With such a strange conversation partner, it ends up going places he never expected. Teaching merges into tangents, into strange stories from Bill himself, and arguments about magic. 

Eventually it leads into stories about Dipper’s own exploits. With more detail than he’d usually go into. The last time he talked work with someone, they left early and unmatched him on the app - but Bill’s clearly interested in magical freelancing. The pull is hard to resist.

So there I am in the pouring rain, covered in god knows what with an angry cannibalistic gryphon tied up in the ditch, when Jacob Jensen steps in front of the whole crowd and thanks his ‘helpful assistant’. For pulling off the plan HE put together. 

And it’s not like I could say anything, the silence spell was still up. 

HA HA HA HA! Oh man, you’re a walking comedy of errors. How does one human even get into this kinda crap? It’s hilarious!

But seriously, you shoulda cursed the guy. Not the kind of thing you should let your rivals get away with, kid.

Dipper rolls his eyes at the text. Another immoral solution, provided by an immoral being. He’ll ignore it, just like all the others. 

Arguably he shouldn’t be talking to a demon about, like, literally *any* of this. Keeping the details of his life close to his chest. But it’s like Bill can do anything about it, either to make it better or worse. He’s a bajillion lightyears and a dimension away. 

No, Bill, for like the fifth time, I don’t hex people. Even if they deserve it. Though in hindsight, I should have kept the dispelling spell charged.

Aha! There’s your problem! Not the skills, but speaking up about ‘em! Try some showmanship! Competence isn’t everything. Hell, compared to a great sales pitch, it’s basically nothing.

I guess. My great-uncle’s great at that stuff, but it never really took. 

Sounds like you need a hype man! Someone who can get the word out about your talents. A guy who could bolster your rep. Hell, you could be a real star! Everyone could hear about your hero junk, including in their DREAMS. In fact - I might even have a deal, just for you!

Dipper snorts. He saw this coming a mile away. A demon would, of course, try to sucker him into a bad deal. It’s their entire thing.

He doesn’t take it poorly, though, despite the danger. Bill’s own sales pitch is clearly an off the cuff reflex, rather than a real swing at it. Like Stan pitching an ‘extended warranty’ to a customer, even when they’ve already bargained him down on the price of a souvenir.

Uh huh. Let me guess. I sell my soul, then your ad is going to be, like, ‘HEY! Hire this guy or you’ll find snakes in your bed! In your socks! In your wheat and wheat byproducts! Save yourself from snake terror and do it today!’

There’s a suspiciously long pause before the next reply.

Look, it doesn’t have to be snakes. There’s plenty of critters you can stuff into a cereal box.

The telltale tone of a conman who knows his pitch was shit. Dipper smirks.

Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll handle my own advertising. You’ve already taught me a few things about having a massive bloated ego. 

Ha ha! You’re sassy company when you get worked up, human, it’s pretty hilarious! Like a hissy kitten or a dragon cub! Including all the sharp bits.

Dipper forces the smile off his face, frowning again. He’s not a kitten, for one. No matter how he sneezes. And two - that was barely a compliment, and only if the receiver is already weird.

Bill might be clever. He has his own strange charisma. Definitely a type of fascinating, intelligent monster - but he’s also evil and a jerk. 

Still. He figures he’ll keep talking to the guy. It’s not like there’s too much danger, what with him literally being in another dimension. 

Besides, how long has it been since he’s talked to anyone but his great-uncle about magic, in this  much detail? Longer than Dipper can remember, that’s for sure. For all that Bill’s a demonic dickwad, anyone who wanted to learn complicated spells would be lucky to talk to him.

A thought strikes. 

Dipper looks up from the demon phone. Darting a glance to his notebook, then back at the artifact. 

Strange magic. Impossible spells. The scene of the crime, with this object buried under bits of the destruction. 

The culprit was there, in the museum. And that fire he uses. It defies most known magic physics, powerful and weird. Not to mention the giant anvil incident, or the animated water tower, and half of the really weird curses, all of them requiring magical knowledge and power - 

Where did Dipper’s target learn his special spells?

Thinking carefully about his words, he types out a quick question. Very casual, avoiding details that might lead to suspicion.

Speaking of company. Has anyone else talked to you recently? 

Nah, it’s been a few centuries. You humans are usually pretty boring!

Grimacing, Dipper sighs. That’s a bad sign for his theory. He presses further.

So there ISN’T actually a group of people, quote, ‘craving your infinite knowledge’? A bunch of guys you’re feeding secret demon information?

Hey!! Of course I’m in high demand, I’m fantastic. But I’m ALSO not passing my number out to every mortal who wanders by, jackass. I have standards! High ones!

Dipper mulls over that statement. He’s only known Bill for a few hours, but he’s sure that teaching a human how to cause tons of chaos on Earth? Is totally up his alley. 

And because he’s known him for hours, he thinks that was actually true. 

Changing the topic, or filling the chat with distractions. Anything that would lead Dipper down the merry trail of another topic - all of that would be very demonic, and very suspicious. 

Confrontation of a question, and one Dipper didn’t know he was asking, is a different story.

Bill’s not lying, surprisingly enough. He’s annoyed, because Dipper implied he was a… loose woman. Demon. Whatever their equivalent is. 

Letting out a disappointed sigh, Dipper runs a hand through his hair. 

If he’s the first human to talk to Bill in hundreds of years… Then the target didn’t ever have the phone, much less conveniently drop it at the scene of his crime. He came by his power in some other dishonest, evil way. 

Welp. It was worth a shot, even if it was one in the dark. Back to square one, then.

Though what Bill said does bring up another question. 

That’s funny. You’ve spent a lot of time talking to me.

Yeah, yeah, I’ll admit it - You’re fun enough! Silence is only golden when I’m in it, and even then it gets boring. 

I mighta picked someone less goody-two-shoes personally, but you got brains, kid. That’s rare.

This time, Dipper allows himself to smile. He’s not so paranoid as to turn his nose up at an actual compliment. 

Same to you. For a demon, I guess you’re not as awful as I thought you’d be.

Ha ha ha! Oh, cutie - I’m worse! A real bad boy, as you mortals say! Ten bucks says that’s your thing, am I right?

Warmth builds in Dipper’s face. That’s - He shuts his eyes, rubbing them briefly. 

Okay. He must be interpreting that wrong. These beings are super weird. And Bill’s a jerk. Besides, he’s probably some… multi-eyed flesh tangle, or giant cockroach. Maybe even an abstract concept. 

That was just a condescending comment from a condescending being, devoid of any human meaning. Best not to read too much into it.

For lack of a better response, he texts back, Shut up.

Never! Too bad I gotta run for now, but I know I’ll be hearing from you. You’re a curious guy! Just filled to the brim with it!

And I got plenty of ways to satisfy.

Dipper starts typing a response, but the keyboard's gone. The last bit of Bill’s message slowly fades until the screen goes dark again. 

Okay, it’s - whatever. So Dipper didn’t get the last word in. He didn’t need to anyway. 

Dropping the demon phone, he pulls the flat hotel pillow over his face. If he doesn’t see the damn texts, maybe they’ll stop lingering in his head.

 God, if this is what the slightest bit of attention does to him, he’s really got to download the dating apps again. Or talk to his family more than a phone call once every few days. Talk to real, actual humans.

He’s just been on the road too long, is all. When’s the last time he had a conversation with someone that wasn’t about work? Much less a person who’s kind of. Way more confident than him, and pretty smart, with a weird charm in his tone.. 

Dipper slaps himself on the forehead, dragging a hand down his face. He makes a ‘blguh’ sound, reminding himself not to get distracted.

That conversation did last a while, though. Night has long since fallen. No major magical mishaps have occurred to drag him out of this shitty bed. The brief respite comes as a profound relief. 

Dipper yawns, rolling onto his side. 

Weird extradimensional conversation aside, he’s got a big day tomorrow. Doing important stuff. Solving this mystery. Finding the man responsible for all the trouble, and making sure he never manages it again.

If he can manage it. If he can find him in the first place. If he doesn’t get burnt to a crisp in the confrontation, or run out of money on a dead-end endeavor, or look like a total idiot by finding a guy but it turns out to be the wrong one, making him start from scratch. 

A thousand possibilities of failure. A billion ways things could go wrong. Dipper shoves his face into the pillow, and tries to quiet his own thoughts.

Eventually, tossing and turning, he manages a restless sleep.

The next day’s surprisingly quiet. No major magical incidents, no screams in the streets. A pretty calm day, all things considered.

As always, Dipper goes through the motions, setting up his ritual circle and sitting in mediation. His senses creep into the thin net of magic, searching for any movement like a spider in a web.

The only way he's found to keep up with the culprit is tracing the energy of his incantations, and following the leylines like they’re a roadmap. They vibrate like a plucked note on a string, right before each incident. Tracking such a vague line is a stretch for most magicians; even Dipper’s gotten turned around once or twice.

Problem is, he has to wait until the culprit’s already cast his magic to be able to follow his trail. By the time he catches up to the jerk’s location, nobody’s been there to pin the blame on. Even the few witnesses he’s spoken to have little to report. 

The upside is that said reports are very consistent. The descriptions are of a blonde man, fairly tall. Wearing a too-big smile along with too-formal fashion - and nobody is ever sure how he got in the place or out again. 

It adds a few hangups, but the similar description helps Dipper’s theory. It’s the same person, every time. One or two people might agree on a few details out of sheer chance. Nearly two dozen, all with the same image, is proof.

Now if only someone knew where to find the bastard.

There are cases and monsters that are ‘more important’, he guesses. In body count, at least. Single digit deaths - even if they’re weirdly creative ones - doesn’t sound super cool on a ‘monster hunting’ resume, considering what others can, and do, get up to.

That doesn’t mean this criminal isn’t a big deal, though. Somehow, the major magic they're doing has ripple effects. One of their ‘minor’ incidents can stir up enough latent magic in the area to lead to half a dozen smaller events, weeks or months later. 

Somehow, this jerk is causing more flat-out chaos than every other monster combined, by a factor of five. 

Dipper knows. He’s done the math. 

He sits in intent focus for a long time; a half an hour when he checks his watch after. The tracing spell is intact, invisibly waiting for something to stumble over its tripwire.

Nothing has, though. Wherever his target holed up for the night, he hasn’t moved on since. 

Maybe the plan is to pull something else in town. Or maybe one of those artifacts he melted exploded right in his face, leaving the jerk recuperating, or even dead. That would serve him right. 

Either way, Dipper won’t know until either a body is found, or the guy makes a move. The odds of stumbling across the culprit are pretty low. 

Dipper leaves the circle set up, just in case. A couple quick cantrips later, and it’s connected to his watch. If there’s any movement, he’ll know in a heartbeat. 

Though if he’s being honest? He hopes there isn’t, at least for a while. Running around in this criminal’s footsteps is a job in and of itself.

God, it’d be nice to have a vacation one day.

Dipper stretches as he steps out into bright sunlight. For the last week he’s been constantly on the move, driving on backwoods roads and through tangled cities and just. Staying up too late. Wondering what the mysterious criminal is up to. One uninterrupted if restless night’s sleep has helped his mood.

When this is over, he’s going to go ahead and take a full week off. Maybe a month. Let himself lounge around in bed without a care, in a place he doesn’t rent out night to night. Long, luxurious showers where he doesn’t have to spring out at the next notification, or figure out how to get where he’s headed next. Something nice and calm and… 

Well, not totally free of chaos. Dipper could have taken an office job somewhere, or worked in the government, if that’s what he wanted. But maybe a year or so at less of a breakneck pace. Fewer massively dangerous monsters.

That reminds him. Dipper pauses at the hotel entrance, patting his pockets. 

Yep, one regular phone, one demonic. Good thing, too. If anyone else got their hands on that artifact, it could spell total disaster. 

He breathes it in slowly, before feeling a pang of hunger that comes with an audible growl. Skipping dinner yesterday, probably not his best choice. 

The good news is, in a morning surprisingly full of it, is that there’s a diner in walking distance. It isn’t even expensive. 

Dipper holes up in a booth in the corner, relieved at the lack of other customers. More peace, more quiet. The waitress fills his coffee without comment, and the bitter burn of it makes him feel more human after the first two cups. 

There’s a quick beep from his phone. He puts down the coffee, reaching for his pocket - then pauses. 

It wasn’t his regular notification sound. 

It was weird.

Dipper checks over his shoulder, a paranoid instinct. Again it’s quiet, not early enough for the early birds and not late enough for lunch. And hell, even if most of the diner wasn’t empty, it’s not like anyone cares about a person texting. Nobody can tell who or what he’s talking to.

He pulls the artifact out. The scrawl on the screen has their old messages, plus one new one.

Hey! Bored again! Whatcha up to, kid?

Dipper rolls his eyes. 

Bill is many things - demon, weird, intelligent, astute. Total jerk. Surely he has better things to do than text the mortal that ended up with his weird-ass artifact. If he knows what phones are, surely he has internet.

Still, he writes back. Maybe more boring stuff will get on Bill's possibly nonexistent nerves.

Pancakes. You?

Booo, that’s lame! I thought your life was more exciting than this! At least say something about crazy syrup flavors, I’m dying here.

Sorry, no dice. Normally my job keeps me pretty busy. but I have a nice, boring day off today. Assuming nothing goes wrong. 

Now there’s a topic! We covered the problem-solver bit earlier - but I know you’re not just doing BASIC stuff, because spying on you isn’t working as great as I’d like! What kinda wards you got up? Go into extra detail! It’s totally safe!

Suddenly checking over his shoulder doesn’t feel like enough paranoia. Dipper scoots a little further into the diner booth, hunching over. It’s not every day he remembers to put up those protections. Now he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget again. 

Don’t think they’re doing you THAT much good, anyway! I know what city you’re in!

Dipper sits up straighter.

Aha. ‘City’, Bill says. Not ‘neighborhood’ or ‘building’, or even ‘the backmost booth in that crappy diner’. Bill might have the broad strokes of where he’s located, but it’s far less specific than he’s letting on.

Wow. Totally not suspicious, Bill. Definitely letting my guard down now.

Can’t blame a guy for trying! 

Entertain me, then. It’s not like you got anything better going on, you said so yourself! Spill the beans, kid! How ‘bout starting with a name?

Giving out his name should be safe-ish. Technically it’s a nickname anyway, so there’s not too much awful stuff Bill could pull. 

It’s Dipper. 

What, like a hillbilly’s tin cup?

Like the constellation, dumbass.

Ol' Ursa Major, huh? And here I had pegged you for more of a twink than a bear!

How does Bill even know those words? Where would he - actually, Dipper doesn’t want to know. Bill probably ate someone’s brains, or picked it up in some wet dream. Whatever gross method a ‘dream demon’ uses to learn about human life.

I don’t even know how to respond to that, so I won’t. 

What about you? What are you up to?

Today, not much! Normally I do whatever’s fun at the time! Making nightmares, eating childhood memories, robbing interdimensional banks, texting cute guys, that sorta thing. A few other extracurriculars when I get the chance. 

Dipper blinks a few times. He has to set the phone down, rubbing at his temples. 

Why does his imagination have to be overactive at the worst times. He really has to get out more. Better yet, he should put this phone down, pick up the other, and start swiping right on whoever’s nearby.

Before he can even begin to formulate a response, Bill texts again. 

Right now, though, I’m waiting out a multiversal cosmos disruption. Kinda like being stuck inside during terrible weather! It’s a real drag staring out the window watching the debris fly by and not even being the one who caused it.

Wow. Rampant destruction! Sounds like a totally ethical hobby. 

Ethics, shmethics! What a totally human hangup. Don’t you ever have any fun?

Dipper spends a few seconds thinking how to respond. Of course he has fun, he’s got the most fun-loving sister ever, and he’s… 

Okay, maybe the last time he met up with someone for ‘fun’ was Mabel. And technically it’s been almost a year since they’ve been face to face - but he still does stuff on his own! Occasionally. 

Other things are more important. He can do ‘fun’ stuff later. Once this particular case is over, he’ll actually have some time for it.

Another beep catches his attention.

The silence speaks VOLUMES. Jeez, is it all work, work, work with you? You didn’t seem like that big a stick in the mud!

I’ve just. Been busy.

Busy NOT HAVING FUN!!! 

Yeah, well. Some of us have stuff like ‘bills’, that aren’t you, to pay. And reputations they’re building. 

The advertisement deal’s still on offer, btw! Take it up anytime!

No thanks, and a little go fuck yourself. 

HA! Gosh, you’re cute. But we were talking about FUN, here! You gotta have some hobbies, right?

Nothing as exciting as ‘rampant chaos’.

C’mon, kid, I’m asking. Indulge me. Movies? Games? Bloody revenge? And as for chaos - don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. I got PLENTY of tricks in that vein and they all RULE. Ever thrown a building on someone who annoyed you?

Dipper thinks back on the trick Bill showed him yesterday. The change and redirection. The power required… 

It’s an exaggeration. Has to be. Or more likely, knowing demons, it requires some horrible sacrifice - but Dipper can see how others would find it tempting.

…Okay, I’ll admit it sounds cool if they’re unoccupied, but seriously, I’m gonna pass.

Eh, you’ll change your mind. I’m always gonna be around! You’ll take a deal one day!

Shut up. Anyway, I like puzzles? And spells and magic and stuff. But you already knew that. 

And…???

And mystery novels, and action movies, and, uh. Dungeons, dungeons and more dungeons, which yeah, I know, nerdy. Honestly, a lot of nerd stuff. 

I bet you’re gonna start typing ‘nerd’ in allcaps then backspace once you read me owning it.

A few seconds after he sends that, the typing dots appear, then disappear. Dipper smirks.

Whatever, NERD. I bet you’ve been ‘too busy’ with your boring ‘job’ to even kill some player characters in a fantasy game! Didja cast your character sheet in a fire and ritually burn your d20 when you gave up ALL joy in life?

….Okay, it’s been a bit, but fuck off.

Also, ‘nerd’. Says the guy who knows what a d20 is.

I know everything, kid! Doesn’t make me a nerd like you!

Says the guy who does advanced magical calculus

Oh, please. Big shot talking here. It comes with the territory! 

Dipper sits up straighter. Now that’s a blatant lie. ‘Big shot’ or not, nobody delves that deep in theory unless they’re paid to or they like it. 

Dude, I could copy/paste you having OPINIONS about Ergot’s Transition Theorem from YESTERDAY. 

Total nerd stuff.

Bill’s furious response comes with a warmth under Dipper’s palms, and a faint blue flame on the screen - though not nearly as hot as yesterday. He snorts, watching the typing dots as they last for over a minute.

They bicker back and forth, quick and easy and - Dipper has to admit it - kind of fun. Bill’s ego is huge and he loves insulting people. Maybe he doesn’t have many people insult him back, because he keeps being surprised when Dipper has a retort.

So far - and it will be so far, by Bill’s own admission - talking to a demon doesn’t seem too dangerous. 

Whatever else Bill might want, his main motivation genuinely seems to be entertainment. Nobody texts randomly about technically mundane stuff unless they're bored. Or continues the conversation unless they're enjoying it.

It's clear, under all the bluster and ego, that Bill's truly excited to have a new person to talk to. Someone who shares his interests, who can keep up a conversation, intriguing and combative in equal portions… 

Yeah, Dipper sees how that would be enough to keep talking to some random weirdo. Even if it’s not a great idea. 

Bill also seems to be angling for something. Dipper can’t tell what it is. It’s just a sense he has, from an odd turn of phrase here and there, a couple indiscernible metaphors. 

He’s still frowning at a sentence - it came through in odd symbols instead of English  - when the next line comes in.

So I take it you’re NOT dating a whole bunch of cute guys, gals, or other assorted entities, then using their heartbreak to power your motorcycle?

I’m like, 99% sure you can’t actually use heartbreak that way, and I don’t have a motorcycle. Also, no, not seeing anyone. 

So if you’re trying to use a boyfriend or whatever to get to me, you’re out of luck.

Ha! Your lack of love life isn’t a problem, sapling! The opposite of one, in fact!

Dipper raises an eyebrow. Every time he thinks he knows what Bill’s up to, he finds another way to be bizarre. 

Another statement it’s probably better to ignore. The questions are constant. And he doesn’t have to answer all of them. Honestly, it’s a better idea not to. Demon, after all.

But if Bill’s going to interrogate him, it’s only fair to flip the script.

I think it’s MY turn to ask questions.

Sure, why not? Go for it!

That was easy. Perhaps too easy. 

Dipper narrows his eyes, but his mind races with questions. Ones he’s never had the chance to ask, things that couldn’t be found with rumors or books or even deadly personal interactions. 

Getting honest answers from an extradimensional being is the type of thing scholars would have fistfights over. 

Dipper, though, is handling this super well. He only has to delete a half-dozen sentences before he decides to keep it short. 

Tell me about being a demon. 

Like, where do you even live? Do you have a house? A den? Do you live in groups, or is this a solitary thing? 

Do you guys even HAVE love lives or were you just trying to egg me on about being single.

Pfft, not ALL demons sit around in caves waiting to snag anything nearby. You must be talking about those low-level chumps! I’m way more important!

See, you’re talking to one of the top dogs in the whole biz. An infinite being of pure energy! I got a penthouse at the top level of my own terror pyramid, the realm of the mind under my thumb, a cool group of henchmen - AND I’m single and ready to mingle! 

Taking that with a huge dose of salt, Dipper scribbles it down in his notes. At least half of that must be bragging. Major demons don’t just ‘hang out’ with humans, they devour them - but it’s interesting to see how Bill sees himself.

What’s it like over there? Actually, where the hell are you? Hell?

He finally asks! I thought I’d have to bring it up! And no, it’s not hell - it’s WAY weirder than that!

Dipper holds the demon phone a little further away from himself, suddenly wary. Even though he’s only known the guy for like a day, he senses the floodgates opening.

Bill’s going to brag.

I’ve got full reign of the liminal space known as the Nightmare Realm. The whole vast unconscious squished like a ripe eyeball under my thumb, AND it’s a pretty wild place to be! It’d blow your tiny mind if I wasn’t saving that for myself!

Like last week, there was this party, y’see? So I was at the bar, and - And there it is. 

Demon information. Right from the source, and best of all: absolutely free from any so-called ‘deals’. 

Since Dipper asked indirectly, the facts come in the same manner. Less of a list, more of a longwinded story told from the perspective of someone who always thinks he’s the main character. Dipper has to glean them through Bill’s stories for the details, rather than being instructed. But that, in turn, ensures that they’re actually true.

Well, mostly true. A significant portion of his notes get marked with a new little notation symbol he made up, just for Bill: Probably Exaggerated

Dipper’s hand cramps trying to keep up. Syrup is smudged in his notebook, making the pages stick together. He licks his thumb trying to wipe them off, then just puts tongue to page instead. 

Still, it goes on for long enough that the torrent eventually slows. The more minor details repeat; the stories become less ‘what the fuck’ for demon power and culture reasons, and more ‘what the fuck’ for Bill-related ones.

Also, he’s absolutely bragging. To an extent that quickly evolves from ‘annoying’ to ‘obnoxious’, right around into ‘make fun of this guy’.

That part ends up entertaining. Bickering over whether or not Bill is a ‘big shot’, or ‘super cool’. He might portray himself that way, but there’s got to be more to it. 

Unfortunately Dipper can’t argue on the cultural level - but he can match Bill’s level of sheer annoyance. People have always said his pedantry is irritating? Fine. Here’s a perfect target.

They go back and forth, over and over again. Dipper pulls as much semantics as possible to undercut his opponent’s ego, poking holes in every definition Bill tries to twist in his favor. Citing examples, where he can, where Bill could be interpreted as the massive freakin’ dork he actually is. And while he’s only about ten percent successful, it still feels like a victory.

After a particularly nice jab, that has Bill sending >>>:( without any additional text, Dipper sits back in the booth with smug satisfaction.

Nearby, the waitress clears her throat, startling him out of his triumph. With a raised eyebrow, she drops the check, giving his empty plate a pointed look.

By now it’s lunch, and his seventh refill of coffee's cold. He didn’t realize how much time had passed.

He hunches over the phone, feeling faintly embarrassed. 

Look, I gotta go, but, uh. It’s been nice. Talk to you later.

Aww, what a shame. But hey! When you wanna start a conversation - tap three times on the screen, then whisper my name like you’re telling a dying man you’re the one that poisoned him!

Dipper frowns at the screen, then rolls his eyes. Yeah, that tracks. Contacting a demon would have to be in the weirdest way possible. 

He shoves the phone back in his pocket, paying and leaving the diner. He’s well aware that talking to a demon is a terrible idea. That Bill could trick him, somehow, or have a nefarious plan. After only a day, there’s no way to tell what this is building up to.

But until then, Bill is useful. Smart enough  resources will come in handy. Dipper will just have to keep an eye out for his real intentions, and not lose track of what he is.

Today , though, he can forget about all the chaos and the chase. Enjoying a quiet, peaceful day under a bright and cheerful sky. 

This, like all things, won’t last long.