#poor jake :(

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

"Shangri-La is under attack."

The Librarians S03E09 And the Fatal Seperation.

Bonus wet splat:

[annestie]

A proposal

Neteyam and Ao'nung are hanging out on the beach

“Hey Neteyam,” Ao’nung calls him over. Neteyam prepares himself, already expecting to see some kind of joke. He turns to see Ao’nung standing one knee, holding a red shell to him. “Will you marry me?” Ao’nung asks teasingly, being way too dramatic about it.

Neteyam had pulled a similar thing a few days earlier involving the same red shell. “Oh Ma’ Nung!” he dramatically cries out. “Of course, I’ll marry you!”

“You are a terrible actor,” Ao’nung criticizes him.

Hearing this, Neteyam rolls his eyes. “Oh, Great Mother,” Neteyam says suddenly. His voice softer and gentler as if he actually means any of it. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner, skxáwng? Of course, I’ll marry you.”  

“What?!” Jake yells, stumbling into the two at just the wrong moment.

[ambrossart]

That was so cool ! I love skelly. Can we get some fun facts about Christie Gibson or Jake Newham? I think we don't much about him . Thank you 🩶

Since somebody else requested Christie as well, we’ll just focus on Jake for this one.

— Jake Newham, the Senior Class President

Jake Newham comes from a very ambitious and academically focused family. His parents, who divorced when he was nine, are both Harvard grads who now work in politics. Jake’s father is a highly sought-after political consultant, and his mother is the Director of Communications for Senator Ryan Bradley (D-ME) as well as a published author. Due to his parents’ demanding careers, Jake currently lives with his grandparents in their West Broadway Victorian home. He also has an older sister, Amy, who recently obtained her master’s degree in international relations.

Although his parents have tried their hardest to avoid this, Jake does put a lot of pressure on himself to not only succeed, but to excel in everything he does. He worries that all of his accomplishments will ultimately amount to nothing and he won’t ever reach the same amount of success as the rest of his family. Due to this, Jake really struggles with self-confidence, and he often gets steamrolled by stronger personalties like his vice president, Jackie O’Connell. When Jake won the student council vote, Jackie told him that he only won because he’s a man. Deep down, Jake wonders if that’s true.

While the greater student body considers Jake a major dork, he’s actually fairly well-liked among the seniors. Unfortunately, Jake is so focused on his future that he seldom makes time for friends. As soon as he entered high school, Jake started preparing for college. He joined clubs that he knew would look good on an application. He took the most difficult classes he could in order to get an edge over the other applicants. Now that Jake’s about to graduate, he feels a little regretful over some of those decisions, but he stands by them nevertheless.

— Fun Facts

Jake lives on the same block as Liz Mueller. The two of them were very close growing up and could even be considered childhood sweethearts. They went their separate ways in high school: Liz became popular and Jake turned his focus to school. They’re still friends, but they don’t hang out much anymore.

He started taking trumpet lessons when he was ten. He also plays the piano.

He’s captain of the varsity soccer team. He’s a center-midfielder.

He has terrible eyesight and wears contacts even though he hates the way they feel against his eyes. He always keeps a pair of glasses in his backpack just in case.

Yes, he does wear a retainer at night.

And yes, he does often approach Richie at school to ask about his sister. Richie used to find this really annoying, but now he thinks it’s funny as hell and loves messing with him.

He first met Evelyn at the school’s annual student council retreat, a three-day camping trip where newly elected members do team-building exercises and develop their leadership skills. Evelyn stood out because she was so outspoken and enthusiastic.

Similar to how Paul and Lenny tease Evelyn about Jake, Jake’s friends and teammates frequently tease him about Evelyn.

Despite his instant attraction to her, Jake has always been hesitant to pursue a romantic relationship with Evelyn. This is partly due to Jake’s academic ambitions but also due to Evelyn’s ambivalence toward him. He could never quite tell if she liked him or not.

Eventually, Jake began to suspect that she may like someone else, but Henry Bowers was the very last person on his list. Yeah, that was a major shocker.

Honestly, Jake’s not too upset over Evelyn’s rejection. He’s a little wounded, of course, but ultimately he thinks it’s for the best. He’s gonna be graduating soon anyway.

[minhosimthings]

Jay: Do you like the food I made?

Sunghoon: nah not that much

Jay: but I put my heart and soul into it!

Sunghoon: oh is that why it tastes cold and dead?

[incorrectgvfquotes]

Josh: You're smiling. What happened?

Sammy: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?

Danny: Jake tripped and fell down the stairs today.

[beezelarts]

Hangsters first time at Top Gun but make it 'Play Date' by Melanie Martinez.

Jake is just a play date to Bradley.

[keepingupwiththecullensblog]

🌟🐺 Welcome back to "Keeping Up with the Cullens," or should I say, "Keeping Up with Bella and Her Emotional Support Wolf"! 😂🐺 Yep, you read that right. Today, we’re diving into the wild, somewhat questionable choices of Bella Swan as she navigates life post-Edward. And by "navigates," I mean she's pretty much using poor Jacob Black as her personal emotional support wolf. The twist? Jake doesn’t even know he’s a shapeshifter yet! Talk about a surprise coming-of-age moment. 🐺😅

So here’s the tea: Bella, still reeling from the "OMG my vampire boyfriend dumped me" blues, somehow convinces herself that hanging out with a 16-year-old kid is the solution to all her problems. Never mind the fact that she's 18 and technically supposed to be the "responsible" one. 🙄 Instead, Bella’s like, "Hey, Jake! Wanna fix these death traps—oops, I mean, motorcycles—with me?" 😏 And Jacob, being the sweet, puppy-eyed guy he is, is all in, thinking he’s just helping his crush out with a cool project. 🚲💥 It’s like Bella’s version of therapy, except instead of a licensed professional, she’s got a lovestruck teenager with a toolbox. 🧰❤️

Now, let’s pause for a second. What would Charlie (or Edward, if he wasn’t off in vampire brooding land) think about Bella suddenly getting into motorcycles? 🚔😱 They’d freak out! But Bella? She doesn’t care. She’s like, "Rules? Who needs them?" And there she goes, dragging poor Jake into her rebellion. It's almost like she’s using Jake as a stand-in for her lost thrill-seeking with Edward. I mean, nothing screams "I’m okay, really" like convincing a kid to fix motorcycles you know your dad would lose his mind over. 😂🤦‍♀️

As soon as Bella starts hanging out with Jake, it’s like magic—she unzombifies! 🧟‍♀️✨ Suddenly, she’s reacting to life again, as if the fog has lifted and she remembers how to smile. It’s like she’s got her own personal mood ring, and Jake is permanently stuck on "happy." 😄 Charlie’s delighted to see Bella living life again, but if he knew what was actually going on… yikes! 😬 Meanwhile, Mike and Angela are all like, "OMG, Bella’s back!" 😃🎉 But Jessica and Lauren? They’re just annoyed, probably thinking, "Great, now we have to deal with this again." 🙄 Seriously, it’s like watching someone who’s been in a coma wake up and immediately decide to run a marathon. 🏃‍♀️

But here’s where it gets even more ridiculous. Bella’s not just hanging with Jake for the company. Oh no, she’s using him as a human (or should I say wolf?) bandaid for her shattered heart. 💔🐺 Poor Jake doesn’t even realize he’s being friend-zoned harder than anyone in the history of crushes. 😩💔 He’s just trying to be a good friend, and Bella’s like, "Yeah, yeah, that’s nice. Now, fix this motorcycle so I can break my promise to him." 🚲💨 At least they decide to do homework together twice a week—of course, because they still have to pretend to be normal teens, right? 😂📚 Nothing says "teenage rebellion" like calculus homework after a day of fixing motorcycles. 📝🏍️

And just when you think Bella might be turning a corner—BOOM! 💥 She sees "Sam’s cult" jumping off cliffs and immediately thinks, "OMG, someone call an ambulance!" 🚑 But Jake’s all chill, explaining that it’s just cliff diving for fun. And Bella? Of course, she wants to try it! Because why not? What could go wrong with adding "potentially fatal leaps off cliffs" to her growing list of questionable life choices? 😂🤦‍♀️ Honestly, this girl definitely needs professional help. 🛋️ Maybe she’s got a bucket list we don’t know about that just says "Give Charlie a heart attack" in bold letters. 😂📋

Even though Jacob’s magically helping her reconnect with life, Bella’s still having nightmares. 🌙😱 She wakes up screaming almost every night, missing her sleep bodyguard. Maybe she should ask Jake to sleep over since Edward isn’t around to protect her dreams. I mean, what could be more comforting than having your emotional support wolf on standby? 🐺😴 But honestly, can you imagine Jake’s face if Bella did ask him to sleep over? He’d probably turn into a wolf just out of sheer awkwardness! 😂

Jake, bless his heart, has no idea what he’s in for. He’s just trying to help his friend, but little does he know, he’s being used as a one-stop-shop for all of Bella’s mental health needs. 😳 And the worst part? He’s not even aware that he’s about to become a literal wolf, which is a whole other can of supernatural drama that’s just waiting to explode. 🐺💥 It’s like he signed up to be in a buddy comedy and accidentally walked into a horror movie instead. 🎬😱

It’s like Bella’s got her own personal therapy wolf, except she’s not exactly paying him in kibble or belly rubs. Instead, she’s paying him in emotional whiplash and unintentional manipulation. Seriously, Bella, maybe a shrink would have been a better idea? 🛋️😅

So, what’s next for Bella? More reckless behavior? More using Jake for his fixing skills and emotional support? Probably. Let’s just hope she doesn’t drag him into something even crazier—though with Bella, that’s almost a guarantee. Stay tuned for more wild antics from Forks’ most melodramatic human! 😂🌲

[knickknacksandallthat]

"oh i'm glad jake had a good time at least" should not have been my take away from That Convo, but homeboy did nothing but shoot his shot. good for him.

🤣🤣🤣 omg anon I can totally get behind this. Jake, in fact, did nothing wrong. Dude totally had his "if you could sleep with one celebrity in the world" moment (had his "holy f*cking sh*t I'm hooking up with THE Kevin Day" moment) and is planning to tell this story to his grandkids lmao. It was consensual, Kevin was hot as hell, and he had no further plans of grandeur - he knew it was a one night thing. This guy was out to have a good time, and a good time he had.

Only crime he committed was *maybe* paying a little more attention to his partner but he'd hardly be the first. 😜

(Now if he can just figure out why Moreau keeps giving him the cold shoulder...)

[agirlwithachakram]

possibly the funniest moment in Moon Knight is when Marc stares at the red sarcophagus and listens to the blackout killer personality banging on it, like, hey, here are the answers, and he just walks away without even commenting.

[rattew]

WIP

This is a Cult Idea that Involves the Daggers 😊 All of them 😀 ah.

Tagged by @jaggedstartalk Thanks! (still getting a hand on the two accounts, it's weird.)

The man’s fingers slipped from the blond strands stopping at the base of Jake’s neck, preventing any movement until Jake smashed his fist into Mark’s nose, causing blood to pour out all over his face.

Tags: Anyone who's involved in Top Gun/Maverick and anything else. @itshoneywhatever @whohasthecards @missathlete31 @hangmanbradshaw @starset21

[whatever-dude]

someone hurt sid’s child, so get ready to see hate-fueled sidney crosby 

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

Cassie causing Jake to bite his tongue.

The Librarians S04E02 And the Steal of Fortune.

[roosterbruiser]

how do you think jake would react it nightingale was bleeding? she’s like sad and crying and he wants to help her so bad but he just can’t lol.. sorry if this is completely incoherent tumblr is glitching and i can’t see anything in typing lmao

great question!

I'm imagining she accidentally sliced her finger on a knife while preparing dinner. and if she cut any other place, she'd be totally cool and collected. but it's her dominant hand--so she kind of doesn't know what to do. and on top of that, it hurts.

so Jake is like asking her if he can help and she's weeping but telling him to keep his distance from her. and he's so worried ab her and he can't stand when she cries. so finally he just approaches her and blindly reaches around for her hand, pressing a tea towel against it.

I think she would have to be his eyes. like he just has to keep his gaze on her downcast eyes and she has to direct him--i.e. where to put the bandage, when to put pressure.

once she's all bandaged up, he's definitely pressing kisses to her boo-boo. then promptly excusing himself to sit on the bathroom floor with his head between his knees.

[lovelyspooks]

Not spider gripping jakes ear 😭

Happy Father’s Day 💙

[linnytheseagull]

More classic literature YouTubers because it's so funny to me

Bonus content:

[roosterbruiser]

I would like just once for Jake to come when nobody has walked in or there are no emergencies to attend to. This is a public service announcement.

completely heard, bestie!! Jake deserves an orgasm that is not ruined!! king!!