#poor haz

[take-a-cchonce]

@justsomeguycore

OP I hate to tag you unnecessarily but i SWEAR if Harry sees this he'll be more jealous than any human to ever have jealous-ed

@surrowndedbylights thought you'd preciate this kelly!

in honor of barbie movie, i dug my Midge ™ out of my parents’ shed so i could show you all just how she worked if you’ve never witnessed it in action

as you can see, Midge has a magnetic pregnancy belly that contours to her unpregnant body

now inside the pregnancy belly of course is the barbie baby. it comes right out, no vagina to exit through. and if you look closely you can see that her underwear is also painted across the bottom of the belly. there is no mistaking this for a woman with any genitalia. just underwear.

here is the baby within the belly. i don’t think either of these is the correct way a baby should sit in a uterus but do i look like a fucking doctor to you?

the clearly very happy mother and child. and discarded magnetic belly. with underwear band.

fin

[the-composer]

He’s muttering to himself, into his raised hand.

“I guess as long as you don’t pitch a tent, it's not outright sexual...”

[nikolai-alexi]

youre gonna look at him and tell him hes wrong?! Haz, my man, youre onto smth here bedtime is a fucking crisis

james: thanks to remus, my kid has started cursing

remus: what?

james: last night, harry referred to bedtime as "a fucking crisis"

[reysdriver]

A Grandmaster of Sorts | J.P

Your husband James falls victim to Harry's new obsession around the game rock, paper, scissors — dad!james x mom!reader fluff

warnings: none :)

words: 0.9k

a/n: this is based on something that actually happened at a family reunion last week, I just HAD to write about it because it was maybe the cutest thing ever, so enjoy!!

Harry strode into the kitchen with a goal. You weren’t sure what that goal was, but you were excited to find out. He stopped next to the table where you and James were enjoying some tea and he tugged gently on the knee of your husband’s trousers.

“Can we play rock, paper, scissors?” Harry asked his dad. 

That was his new obsession. You taught your son how to play the other day when he told you he was bored when there was nothing to do during a heavy thunderstorm. Ever since, he’s been asking you to play his new favourite game with him.

James put down his teacup and turned to look at his son. 

“Rock, paper, scissors, eh?” James said with cartoonish condescension. “I’m down for a few rounds, but you should be warned, Haz, that I’m the master of that game.” 

James moved around in his chair to face your son, cracking his knuckles obnoxiously to make Harry laugh. 

“You’re on, son.”

They held out their hands, but paused before actually playing. They put on their best game faces and tried analysing each other to guess what their first move would be. 

They both nodded, feeling confident enough to start a game. They lifted their hands and repeated the name of the game, then made their moves. 

A draw. Both hands were positioned with open palms facing the ground. Since paper and paper means a tie, they went again. 

Another draw. Both hands in rock position this time. 

Harry laughed at the situation even though James kept his stoic expression. 

“Where’d you learn all this? The skills must be in the genes, I bet.”

The little boy shook his head happily and pointed at you. “No, Mummy taught me!”

“Well, she must have taught you all my tricks. That’s definitely how you got to my exact skill level.” James proclaimed. “Let’s keep going, I’m gonna win this time.”

Your husband held out his hand, ready to start another match, but your son held out his hands, asking James to pause. 

Harry was doing a poor job at hiding a mischievous grin, so you paid attention to what he had to say. 

“We should try to tie again.” The boy suggested. “We should both do paper.”

James obviously knew what his little boy was plotting, but he didn’t dare show it. He just nodded along as he pretended to mull over the idea. 

“Yeah, we should do that. Then we can match, and you can be just like the great James Potter. I like the sound of that, Haz.”

They agreed on that little plan and then started the next round. Big shocker, Harry betrayed James and threw up scissors, defeating your husband’s move of paper. 

Harry burst out into a fit of adorable giggles as James looked at him with a pretend expression of shock. His jaw practically on the floor and his eyes were full of pain over what just happened. 

“I win, Daddy!” Harry exclaimed after his laughter subsided. 

“Good job, baby!” You congratulated your boy. 

“You tricked me! I demand a rematch.” 

Harry held out his hand for another game, but he wasn’t starting just yet. 

“What if we tied again? We could both do paper.” He suggested, that grin making a reappearance. 

“Are you going to trick me again?” James asked, eyes wide as he looked at Harry. 

“I promise I won’t. I just want it to be another tie.”

James nodded, pretending he trusted his son even after that first double-cross. He agreed to one more round under the pretence that it would be a draw once more. 

But lo and behold, Harry put up another pair of scissors, defeating James. Somehow, James looked even more flummoxed this time, but Harry was just as happy.

“It seems like you aren’t really the king of this game, my love.” You told your husband with a shrug.

James told you that he’d win next time, and the pair resumed their battle. 

You sat and watched Harry pull the same tricks on his father for several more rounds, James keeping up the charade of being shocked at his son’s plays, and Harry finding it absolutely hilarious every single time. 

Eventually, Harry proclaimed that he had simply won too many games to keep going, so he wanted to play by himself in his room. Before he walked off, you kissed him on the forehead and told him you’d bring him a special snack as a prize for winning so much. 

“Harry’s got winning in his blood.” You said to James, standing up from your seat. “Unfortunately, it seems like it comes from my side.”

James stood up right after you. He walked over to the counter where you were preparing the ingredients for Harry’s snack and wrapped his arm around your waist. 

“I know, he’s a champion.” James sighed. “I don’t even think I can break his heart by playing to my full potential.”

There was a quiet moment where the only sound in the room was the small knife slicing through the fruit and against the cutting board. 

With his free hand, James nicked a piece and tossed it in his mouth before you could say anything. Then your husband spoke again. 

“I think I’ll have to start teaching him chess and then have Remus avenge me.”

[donttellunclesam]

stobin month, day one: summer

(close ups under the cut)

poor Steve :( Haz suggested dick sunscreen prank so blame them ahahah

[maladyinpink]

🔊 RAINY DAY SOIRÉE ♥︎♠︎- Haz/bin Ho/tel Wav - ♡-Day Special

Projects will always be strictly AI FREE.

Hi All!...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! I'm nervous as hell but excited to share my first wav, this Established Husker/Dust Special, with you guys! ART PAGE/MAKING OF

RAINY DAY SOIRÉE - An/gel Du/st comes home from the studio in a hellstorm to find poor Hu/sk, snuggled up with Fat Nuggets and coming down with a cold in his muzzle. The spider affectionately takes care of his bartender beau, but not without catching it himself...Lil vignettes of Husker/dust's shared sick day and soft caretaking.

CW: Long depiction of shared illness, breathy vocal build-ups, loud deep cold sneezing, contagion, higher pitched cold sneezing fits, snotty/honked nose blowing, dry coughing, snzart visuals, blessing, kissing, emotional comfort, spoilers for the Great Gatsby and lots of fluff.

Script, if you guys want to read along, is below...Enjoy!

~ Love, Pink

♥︎♠︎ - Rainy Day Soirée - Script.

(Scene 1 - ANGEL DUST enters the front door of the Hotel in one of the Pride Ring's thundering hellstorms under his Pink umbrella. It's early evening and the lobby is suspiciously empty.)

ANGEL: *Shudders* It's wetter than dick out there!...Shit…Hello? Anybody home?

(Hanging up his coat, ANGEL heads upstairs and unlocks the door to the room he shares with...)

ANGEL: Husk…Honey?...You in here?-

(He's greeted by Fat Nuggets! The hell-hog scampers off the bed and across the floor to see his Daddy at the door)

ANGEL: Hey! My Sweet Boy!...Lookat'chu Bastards, you an' Papa havin' a snuggle, without me…Traitors.

(Yawning deeply, HUSK is still waking up, grumbling to himself about being woken up by a pig and stretching just like an Old man should. ANGEL coos to Fat Nuggets.)

ANGEL: Uh-Oh…Did we wake Papa?...Yeah, we woke Papa…(then to HUSK) Hi, Baby.

HUSK: (Just noticing his partner, tilts his head) Hm- Hey Legs…Damn, y'home early?

ANGEL: Yeah, just pick up shots today (Not really, by pick up shots, he means his scene partner picked him up and pinned him against the wall, he doesn't want HUSK to worry though.)

HUSK: (always concerned when it comes to the studio, but doesn't want to press ANGEL) Oh…um…Y'okay?

ANGEL: (Can't lie, sadly, but tries to reassure) Just uh…the usual...B-But I'm okay, m'fine. (Starts to laugh and ramble)...Actually, it was kinda funny…Long story short, the last scene- Val wants to get the climax again…and again…AND again. What a set of pipes on the poor motherfucker, screamin' to high heaven!...But, uh- Val got called into a meetin' with Vox, thank god…Shoot got cut short an'...Well, most workin' wanted to head home before the storm got bad…

(He trails off...Usually HUSK would respond somehow...ANGEL notices HUSK scrunching up his muzzle and squeezing the bridge of his nose with two fingers, as if he's in pain. He tenderly approaches.)

ANGEL: S-shit…Are you okay?...You ain't lookin' so hot.

(HUSK waves ANGEL off)

HUSK: M'fine…S'just a headache…

ANGEL: (know's he's been given bullshit) N-No No, there's somethin' else…Whaddya not tellin' me…Whaddya hung over?-

HUSK: HUH'ETSH'SHOO!

(ANGEL startles at the intense sneeze and Nuggets squeals, running under the bed. HUSK sniffles and wiggles and clicks his muzzle.)

ANGEL: Jesus!...Honey?! What the fuck was that?!

HUSK: (out of breath, and a little flustered.) Whew, Sorry…'Scuse me…Didn't mean to scare ya.

ANGEL: Next time warn a gal…It's just, heh-…Y'never do that…Come to think of it, I don't think I've heard ya so much as sniffle before?

HUSK: W-whaddya talkin' 'bout…Everyone…(Trails off) S-s-s…..sn-...Sneezes…

ANGEL: (scoffs) Yeah?...Not like that…

HUSK: HEH'ISHH'HOooo!

ANGEL: (starts laughing and mimics Husk's low growly sneeze) Achoooo!

HUSK: Oho! Y'think that's funny?...Laugh it up, Smartass…L-laugh…Hhhh- Goddamni-EH'RTSH'SHOO!...Motherfucker.

ANGEL: (still laughing, but sympathetic) It's…a little funny….Bless you!..H-honey, are you okay?

HUSK: Figures…Now I'm gettin' a cold, now that the seasons pickin' up.

ANGEL: Aww, my poor baby...That's why y'closed up shop so early, huh?

HUSK: Charlie said I was lookin' a lil…hhh… hhh...Peaky…Shit wasn't my choice.

(HUSK lets out a raspy sounding cough and leans back to monstrously sneeze again.)

HUSK: AH'RKK'HOOO!

ANGEL: Ah, Salute! Here…Blow the Thompson on the end of your face hon. (He offers a tissue box from the nightstand)

HUSK: …Thank you baby…(into tissue) AH'ITSH'IUUU…Ugh, Christ…

ANGEL: (unable to keep from laughing, lovingly mocks again with similar inflection)...B-B-Bless you!

HUSK: Very funny Ange…Real fuckin' hilarious…Alright, C'mere y'little shit!

(HUSK starts to tickle ANGEL's arms. The couple both start laughing.)

ANGEL: No!...No…I'm sorry!…H-Honey that tickles!...

HUSK: (growls playfully) I gotcha!

(Both laugh)

ANGEL: Husk!...Husk, Uncle!

HUSK: (listens, satisfied) Hm…That's whatcha get sweetheart.

ANGEL: (fondly) You're a sadist…M'sorry y'sick honey… (leans down and plants a kiss on the top of the cat's head, then notices a book in his paw) …Hey, whatcha readin'?

HUSK: …Gatsby (The Great Gatsby by F. Scott. Fitzgerald)

ANGEL: Ooh, t-that one…Uh…(suddenly a little embarassed, nervously laughs)...Y'know, s'funny…I ain't never read it?

HUSK: Sweetheart, you've never read The Great Gatsby?

ANGEL: I know, I know…S'crime against literature or somethin'...Y-you tell me, if y'think I'da had time between all the heists n' highs for a few chapters

HUSK: Y'got time now, don'tcha? (Sniffles) Why don't we read it together?

ANGEL: (hopeful) Really?

HUSK: Yeah!...I mean…I've read it a hudred times, but….I'd love to see it through your eyes.

ANGEL: Alright, babycakes…But uh, blow y'muzzle first, I can hear ya, gettin' all stuffy.

(HUSK honks a hefty blow into a tissue. Key word being honk.)

ANGEL: Alright, Mother Goose! D'ya wanna start the story or should I?

HUSK: I ain't got the energy to put up with this shit, dickhead…

ANGEL: Alright, Jackass! I'll take care of it, just listen to the Soothing sounds of my voice...

(He clears his throat and starts the book.

♥︎♠︎

(Scene 2 - The next time we see the pair…It's the next morning. ANGEL is in bed and is woken by a loud nose blow and growly bellowed sneezes coming from the bathroom. ANGEL stretches and cranes his neck to look at the bathroom door.

ANGEL: (called out) Bless you!

(The bathroom door opens and a pathetic looking bartender enters, looking exausted.)

HUSK: M'sorry, did I wake you?

ANGEL: Oh baby, nonsense!...You can't help that. You're sick….(clears his throat, still waking, hesitates to ask)...Uh, how's the head?

(HUSK just deeply coughs and raises his eyebrow at the wording. Anyway, ANGEL already knows the answer.)

ANGEL: Y'know what- …don't answer that, uh…I'm gonna go downstairs an' make us some tea.

HUSK: (childlike, pleading eyes)...With bourbon?

ANGEL: (Agreeing) With. Bourbon.

(ANGEL fiddles with the kettle in the kitchen, filling it up with water, putting it on the stove, turning on the burner…He feels something creeping up.)

ANGEL: Heht'ktsh'iew!...Damn…Niffty needs to dust 'round here.

(He hears the door creak open and feels something ELSE creeping up. Needless to say, it's not HUSK.)

ANGEL: Oh, honey?...It's okay, I got it under control you can just go back to bed.

ALASTOR: …Are you quite sure?

(ANGEL startles and rolls his eyes once he sees ALASTOR, but politely replies and resumes watching the kettle.)

ANGEL: Yeah...G'mornin' to you too, Al.

ALASTOR: My my! Someone's broadening their palate!...It's rather funny, usually you'd be schmoozing a mimosa out of our esteemed bartender…But here you are! Making…what smells to be a morning cuppa of chammomile- Or a double. How domestic…What's the occasion?

(ANGEL keeps his reply short, cold and brisk. He's never liked how AL treats his boyfriend and knows AL probably already is well aware, but wants the satisfaction.)

ANGEL: Well our esteemed bartender is playin' hooky today, he's got a real bad cold…(then realizes he can use this to his advantage) Y'don't wanna risk gettin' it Al, y'should probably keep away…like far far away.

ALASTOR: (Sees right through) Come now Angel, you can rest assured that I have no desire to hang around such pestilence. But I also trust that you'll inform Husker of his responsibilities and how he'll be making up for lost time…(He presses the laugh track on his staff)...I must say, I never took you as the caretaking type.

ANGEL: (Ignores the bite, sighs fondly) Well, someone's gotta take care of the big lug…(then bites) Lord know's you won't…Eet'Tschuu!

ALASTOR: (knowingly) Well! Seems as though pot just met kettle, and with that, I'll be on my merry way…(darkly) Seems as though disgusting affections are in the air…among other things.

(In an instant, AL leaves and the kettle begins to screech. ANGEL growls to himself in Italian.)

ANGEL: Stronzo di Fragole!…Hhh…Aat'tshew!

(Back upstairs in ANGEL's room, ANGEL sets the tray with two mugs and another box of tissues down on the bed and sits down.)

ANGEL: (tenderly) Here ya go, Babycakes. Careful, it's hot.

HUSK: (coughs sleepily)...Thank you, Sweetheart.

ANGEL: D'aww, you are welcome!...So uh, where did we leave off?

HUSK: (coughs) Page 41, the big party.

ANGEL: Okay…'I believe that on the first night I went to Gatsby's house'-…'Scuse me…Sorry…Heh…Heh…Ih!…Ihh'eck'iew!...Heh'ish'uu!

HUSK: (chuckling) Uh-oh…Bless you!...Tissue?

ANGEL: Yeah I'b…I'm fine, Honey…Thanks…(tries to start reading) 'I belie- (sputters and coughs)...

HUSK: (gently) Are you okay?

ANGEL: (insistant)…I'm okay! 'I believe that on the first night I went to Gatsby's house…I believe I was-' (takes a deep breath, he is feeling awful and…is about to sneeze again)...Shit-

HUSK: (worried) Angel?

ANGEL: Eh…Eh- Sorry, I'm…I'm godda sneeze!...IT'Tshuu!...Its'Shhh-Oh fuck me sideways!

HUSK: Bless you…Are y'sure you're okay?

ANGEL: I'm fide?….heh…I'm fide.

HUSK: (smirks) Uh-huh, okay…5…4…3…2-

ANGEL: ahh'eeehhhehh'heh!-...ISH'UU!...aghih hhhdihh…ICK'HIUU!

HUSK: Bless you, Sweetheart.

ANGEL: (long sniffle, finally admits)...Baby?...I think I'm catching ya sniffles.

HUSK: (sarcastically) Really, y'don't say?…

ANGEL: Hht'tsh'iuu!

HUSK: (chuckles fondly)...Bless you…Y'know, this isn't how I imagined we'd spend our first day off together.

ANGEL: (coughs) Me neither…(blows his nose) Thought we'd have a glamorous date…Night out on the town…Er- somethin'...

HUSK: Well, we can still do that…With Daisy, Nick an' Gatsby…What's more glamourous than a grand soiree?

(ANGEL blows his nose again, a loud honk)

ANGEL: (sarcastically, glumly) Oh yeah, Honey…Real Glamourous.

(HUSK tries to think of a way to cheer up Angel and gets an idea.)

HUSK: Hold that thought…

ANGEL: Husk?…Whatcha doin'?

(HUSK gets up and starts to mess around with ANGEL's record player. Looking through the collection of vinyls, he finds one that they'd both enjoy. Glenn Miller's 'Chatanooga Choo Choo' starts playing and HUSK starts to sway and kick his feet a little, then does a little Charleston step.)

ANGEL: What are you doin'...Are you…dancin'?

HUSK: Eh…How's that for Glamour?…'Scuse me, sir?

ANGEL: (laughs) Who me?

HUSK: Couldn't help but notice…Y'seem a bit…sniffly-

ANGEL: (still laughing, loving this bit) No shit, it's your fault!

HUSK: -But otherwise…Absolutely beautiful. I'm a bit sniffly myself…(feigns surprise) We have so much in common!

ANGEL: (laughs) Y'so cheesy...

HUSK: I would love nothing more than to dance with you…Whaddya say?

(ANGEL gets up and takes HUSK's arm, joining the bit as they begin to sway gently to the music)

ANGEL: Well sir, I'd love to…But between you an' me?...Keep this on the downlow, Y'don't wanna let my grump of a boyfriend know that I'm dancing with such a gentleman.

HUSK: Well, I dunno this fella…But if he's doin' anything right, I think he'd just be happy to see you happy.

(The two dance and sway in their pajamas for a while, wrapped in eachother's arms)

HUSK: One…Two…-....Hhhh

(ANGEL notices HUSK's twitching and hitching and offers to help.)

ANGEL: Honey?...Y'okay? Y'need a tissue?...A tissue?

HUSK: AH'ICKHH'HIOOoo!

ANGEL: Yeah, that's what I thought…Bless you Ol' Man.

HUSK: Uhhh….Th- Thank-....Tha-...uhh'ITSH'hooo

ANGEL: Salute, Mio Caro…Here.

(HUSK takes the offered tissue)

HUSK: (stuffily) Thank you baby…(he coughs amd hitches as another big painful sneeze is coming)...HEHRK'HOOOOOOO!

ANGEL: (clicks his tongue, sympathetic) Bless you!...I think that's our cue to get back in bed baby.

♥︎♠︎

(Scene 3 - Hours of reading later. The couple has reached the big twist of the heightening drama of the book. Daisy Buchanan was the one driving the car that hit Myrtle Wilson. Jay Gatsby, who's in love with Daisy, will take the blame. ANGEL's heart and weakened immune system cannot take this.)

ANGEL: (floored, heartbroken) Husk…No…No, it was Daisy?!

HUSK: (knew this was coming) Daisy was drivin' baby...

ANGEL: No!...She did it?...N-no!...Fuck no! (Throws the book) Goddamnit! (A coughing jag starts)

HUSK: Easy!...Easy, Jesus Christ…Breathe, baby, breathe…Are you okay?

ANGEL: (carries on) An' he's just gon' take the fall for her sorry ass…Oh my god! (Way too into the story.)

HUSK: (laughs a little at his partner's passion) I know…I know-...Shit Angel are you cryin'?

ANGEL: (He is. Emotional, sniffling)...S'just so fucked up.

HUSK: Easy now…I know…But that's the beauty of it…ain't it?

ANGEL: (crying, looks up, confused) B-beauty?...Of someone bein' a selfish bitch an' ruinin' lives?

HUSK: Nah, Ange, The beauty of the story…is in it's honesty…Shows us the darker sides of love…An' how far an fucked folks'll get protectin' it.

ANGEL: (quiet) Husk?…Husk.

HUSK: What's wrong lovebug?

ANGEL: (sadly)…Would you do that for me?...Would ya..t-take the fall?

HUSK: (nonchalantly) Hm, probably.

ANGEL: Even if it meant…everything?

HUSK: Lookatcha!...Y'gettin' all existential on me!

ANGEL: M'serious!

HUSK: (looks ANGEL in the eyes, with utter conviction) If it meant, keepin' you safe, keepin' y'by my side…Then yes…

(HUSK feels ANGEL's breathing start to hitch as he holds him)

HUSK: Alright baby…Quit cryin'...(Notices he's pulling away and fanning his face and grabbing a tissue)...Oh…O-oh, are you okay?

ANGEL: (breathlessly) No!...N-No, I'm gonna sneeze!...Itsh'uu!...Eck'hiiuu, Ehhhishhh'shuu!...Heh'rkk'kiew! (Groans) Oh go-...Irrkk'hew! (Gasp) Heh'Ihhk'hew…Eh…Ehyiiishhhiew!...

HUSK: Bless you, Bless you- Bless you!...Holy shit, Ange! …Fuckin' Shit! Aww baby…Shhh, Breathe baby.

ANGEL: ….Hhh….Aacksh'IEW!...(groans)

HUSK: (chuckles) Bless you!...Y'always sneeze like that?

ANGEL: (sniffles) Like what?...(realizes) Oh, I'm sorry! (Coughs) Not all of us start a damn natural disaster every time the pollen count goes up.

(HUSK belly laughs, ANGEL's jab was...pretty fair enough. HUSK's laugh trails off into little coughs and grows a bit raspy.)

HUSK: (lovingly firm) Alright, blow your nose.

(ANGEL blows thickly and groans)

HUSK: There y'go…Feel better?

ANGEL: (tired from his emotional burst and his sneezing fit, he deadpans) What do you think?

HUSK: (not really bothered by his partner's moodiness, but calls it out anyway) Damn, you're startin' to get a lil bitchy.

(ANGEL is too sleepy to argue with this, so he lays down and pulls the blanket up, snuggling into HUSK's side.)

ANGEL: (quiet)…Gonna take a nap.

HUSK: (coughs) That's a brilliant idea, Sweetheart…

(Nuggets comes out from under the bed and paws to be let up. HUSK pats the bed.)

HUSK: Well, c'mon!...Get on up, here.

♥︎♠︎

(Scene 4 - Another few hours later…a knock at the door wakes the couple)

ANGEL: (grumpily, sleepily, stuffily)...Hm, Who the fuck is that?... If anyone tries to enter this room with me looking like absolute shit…I will not hesitate to shoot them.

HUSK: (yawns, sleepily and raspily) S'okay, Ange, just stay in bed…I'll get it.

(HUSK coughs a jag into his arm as he answers the door. ANGEL lets our a rough Aagh'ish'hew!, and Nuggets greets Princess Charlie Morningstar behind the door, who's carrying a large thermos and still dressed in her pajamas.)

HUSK: Sorry…Hi, Princess.

CHARLIE: Holy shit…You guys sound awful (coughs roughly a little herself...revealing the bug is clearly going around)

ANGEL: Hell, you ain't sounding much better, Toots.

Charlie: (In-denial, laughs) No!...I'm fine- I'm fine, Angel…Nothing to worry about! Vaggie is downstairs with something nasty…So I'm gonna go take care of her, BUT I brought you guys some chicken soup, I hope you enjoy it!

HUSK: (smiles sincerely and takes the thermos) Much obliged…Thank you…(then looks doubtful) Are you sure you're okay?

CHARLIE: (giggles again, still denying) No! I'm fine! I'm fine guys, I- Hh! HEP'PTSH'SHIEEW!

(CHARLIE inherited her Dad's tendency to occasionally become a...flamethrower when sneezing. Tends to get worse with a cold. Her demon form is out. ANGEL, HUSK and Nuggets stare blankly, a bit scared.)

ANGEL:…Bless you.

HUSK:…Bless you.

HUSK: (quietly to ANGEL) I didn't jus' hallucinate, right?...Fire came out her nose…

ANGEL: (quietly back) Dunno, y'talkin' to a former crackhead, if anyone's hallucinatin' it should be me…

CHARLIE: Eh…Heh…Ih…IPTSH'SHIEEW!

ANGEL: (Gently, firmly, big brother energy) Charlie…Dollface?... Y'takin' care a' everybody…But don't forget to take care a' y'self. (as Charlie coughs, ANGEL melts and invites her in for a hug)...C'mere.

CHARLIE: (Emotional)...Oh, Angel!

ANGEL: (waving her off, still a bit nervous) Yeah, yeah… Just do me a favor? Try not to set me on fire?

(HUSK joins the hug, wrapping his wings around the three of them.)

HUSK: C'mere, kid…If you tell anybody about this…I will gut you like a fish. (No real bite)

CHARLIE: (beat.) Thank you guys…Um…Vaggie and I are gonna watch some movies in the lobby, if you guys wanna join us, you're free to!...And if you need anything, give us a holler- Well actually, don't do that- Save your voices…Okay, bye!

(Door closes)

HUSK: Could be fun…It'll help distract from your…existential dread.

ANGEL: (coughs) Hey, fuck off!...Anyway, I have a better distraction…

HUSK: What?...(realizes and stiffens) No!...No. Are- Are you really feelin' up to that right now?

ANGEL: (pouts) C'mon Whiskers, don'tcha want me to…feel better?...(muffles a stuffy sneeze behind his hands) Ktsch'yew!- Oh my god…

HUSK: (smirks) Need a tissue?

ANGEL: (sniffles) I need…YOU, Baby! Besides, didn'tcha know that the Pentagram's leadin' scientists and' medical professionals say 'Sex is good for a cold!'

HUSK: (contemplates, then smiles slyly and inches closer) Well…Then I guess we gotta do what we gotta do…For science.

ANGEL: (smiles back, sniffling) That's right, we're just doin' this for a good cause…In the name of 'Science'.

(They melt into an embrace in a slow passionate kiss.)

ANGEL: ...I love you

HUSK: ...I love you too

(ANGEL's nose gets brushed and he pulls away to harshly sneeze, and looks up apologetically)

ANGEL: ...Aack'shew!...Ugh sorry.

HUSK: (tenderly) Bless you, Sweetheart.

♥︎♠︎ - è finito

The end, hope you enjoyed!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

could i get gnarpy with an alien reader (preferebly platonic) just get creative with it i guess (i just wanna see stuff where the reader id an alien because my character is an alien 😭)

For funsies I'll make reader a dog alien (since gnarpy is a cat I think it'd be pretty funny)

.............

"Don't you ever get tired of-?"

"AH!"

"What?! What's wrong??"

"Nothing. I forgot an inferior being haz boarded thiz gleeping box."

"...now that's a bit rude." Shaking your head, you hung back by your corner of the elevator, gazing over at the Gnarpian who kept looking back at you with contempt.

Clearly, xey despised your presence from the moment you showed up from the Area 51 floor, where you infiltrated the facility as a command center for your troops. You found friends in the biological lifeforms that were held there, working together to prevent intrusions while your army refueled their spaceships.

You only enter the elevator to explore other "worlds".....and one of them apparently was the Two Stud Camp on Earth, which was constantly being invaded by the Gnarpians.

Usually it was Spud who came seeking refuge from the impending UFO attack, but this time Gnarpy showed up instead, xyr armor black as the night sky.

You were sworn enemies, with your people being at war with each other for as long as you could remember.

The only reason xey never shot you on sight was simply because killing you would be "boring" in xyr eyes. Xey would rather see you and your species humbly submit to xyr ruling, believing that would bring more satisfaction to their ego than a simple death by laser.

But knowing you were safe within the elevator meant there was a chance to extend the olive branch.....even though xey keep blasting that branch over and over again.

Still, you never gave up trying to achieve a peaceful coexistence. Your people were more diplomatic, seeking to resolve things without excessive violence. And while you remained curious about the lifeforms in this universe, you had absolutely no desire to experiment on any of them. Especially not for entertainment or to see how they "work" on the inside.

You found such a practice to be horrifying, yet Gnarpy likes to brag about it just to get you riled up.

But you resist showing any rage. That would be giving in to what xey want you to be.

"The creaturez in Area 51 would be great azzetz to the Gnarpian army. They would zerve a better purpoze as weaponz of war Why let them wazte away in a gloorpy dump like that?!"

"They aren't "wasting away", Gnarp." You frowned at the cat. "We've provided them with better living conditions-"

"We Gnarpians would have given them that and more." Xey sneered, ears flicking as xyr head turned towards the elevator's buttons. "You're too zoft. And one day..that will be your ultimate undoing, gleepy mutt."

"Being soft doesn't mean we're weak. We just don't fancy torturing innocent species who've done nothing wrong. What you did to Spud..that poor human...it's sickening."

Gnarpy swiveled xyr head back to you, tilting it to the side. "I'm zorry, who?"

"You know exactly who."

"....I really don't."

"You had something to do with that, Gnarp. Stop denying it." Sighing, you watched as somebody inserted a floor ticket into the machine. "One day, I'm gonna find a way to fix him and udo all the damage you did."

"I ztill don't know who you're talking about!"

".....maybe you deny your involvement because you feel guilty?"

".........."

"Huh...got your tongue, didn't I?"

As the elevator dinged and the doors opened into the cardboard mansion you decided to get off here and walk out into the living room. "I'm leaving. Enjoy the rest of the ride, friend." You waved a paw to the now fuming cat.

"Good riddance, you gleeper! That'z the lazt time you get under my fur!! Gleepo gloop!" Gnarpy shouted some curse words at you as you went through the door and vanished into the darkness.

Then Xey just stood in the corner, grumbling under xyr breath and tapping xyr foot, waiting for the other occupants to return from their exploration.

One day, xey'll get you to see things from xyr point of view.

[xxmia0wm4yh3mxx]

I redrew the moon and sun fr0m tadc

I wanted to give th3m m0re of a sky-goddes vibe to them and i realy like it!!

Headcannons:

They can listen to wat goez on in da circus and liek gossiping about the cast members

They BOTH like caine and flirt with him lol

(The poor man haz more puzzy than he knows what to do with XD)

[sunnydbeam]

So other than potentially becoming a fallout ghoul or getting all the cancers, what other (Haz)ards does our poor Y/N have to put up with now that they're stuck with their new position?

... Avoid dying at the hands of Biohazard while trying to prevent him from dying as well

[cels-not-so-secret-love-affair]

sunday afternoon (the potter family)

a/n: playing about with some muggle au potter family and friends. i’ve been trying to get ahold of the way i like to write harry - i could probably do with rereading the books to aid me in that endeavour, but that’s not exactly a commitment i have time for. anyways! just a dash of happy today. key word for this one was comfortable.

‘I’m home!’, Harry calls, pulling off his windbreaker and shutting the door behind him. It’s colder now it’s autumn, and he’s glad of the wave of warmth that hits him on the way in.

‘Alright, Haz?’ comes a voice from inside the kitchen. Harry grins when he recognises it - Sirius is over. He kicks off his trainers haphazardly and heads down the hall to the open door where light is pouring out into the rest of the house.

‘Hi, sweetheart,’ smiles Lily as he enters. She’s sat at the kitchen table with her laptop and a mug of coffee, long dark red hair swept back into a tidy ponytail. Her eyes flick to the bottoms of his jeans as he passes her and she sighs wearily. ‘Really, Harry? Why have you got mud all over you this time then?’

‘Footie,’ he says simply, rifling through the cupboard in search of cereal.

‘That’s my boy,’ James laughs and pats him on the shoulder as he sidles past him. Harry glows proudly like he always does whenever he gets compared to his dad and goes to fetch a bowl.

‘Good kick-about?’ Sirius inquires from his chair by the fire.

‘Yeah, it was nice. Ron totally stacked it though, his mum’s going to murder him. Did Remus not come?’

‘Nah, Moons is resting at the minute. He sends his love though.’

‘I know.’ Harry sets his cereal down and pulls up a chair at the table. He’s halfway through practically inhaling it in that ever-so-teenage-boy manner when he frowns, drops his spoon and looks back up.

‘By the way, Mum, I forgot. Its parent’s evening on Thursday. I’m supposed to book the meetings with my teachers for you and Dad?’

‘Yes, actually, I saw the email. Jamie, could you come sit down for just a few seconds?’ James, perpetually enthused, bounds over to kiss his wife on the head and sits down to her left.

‘I absolutely can, my love. Who’ve we got to see, Harry?’

‘I mean, it’s up to you. Miss was really keen on seeing you last lesson in Art but she was sort of like that with everyone, so I reckon she’s just lonely,’ he shrugs, shovelling another heap of cereal into his mouth. Lily shoots him a look, but the corners of her mouth tip up in an amused sort of way and her eyes don’t really carry much heat.

‘Right, okay, we may as well be kind and book in for Art then,’ she decides, rather businesslike. ‘And then I’ll want to see all your core subject teachers, and probably your Media teacher too.’

‘Mum, there is literally no way I’m letting you see my Chemistry teacher after what happened last time.’

‘Oh, don’t be silly, he was just being a coward. If he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his own actions he should stop bullying children and start teaching them instead.’

‘Who was this one again, Lils?’ Sirius asks lazily, eyes still trained on his newspaper.

‘Chemistry? We’ve told you about him, he’s that awful, pathetic man who keeps giving poor Neville grief.’

‘Ah, I know the bloke. Snape, isn’t it? Greasy old git.’ Harry stifles a laugh.

‘Really though, it’ll only make him more evil if you yell at him again, he’ll get all embarrassed and tetchy. Can’t you just see History then instead?’

‘It is physically impossible to sit through a single conversation with that man without falling asleep,’ James declares, apparently having flashbacks to the last time he sat through one of Binns’ lectures and looking remarkably as if he’d like to stab his own eyes out with a fork. ‘Besides, I want to talk to this Snape man as well. Its two to one, son - you’re overruled.’ He imitates bringing down a gavel.

‘Not my bloody fault I’m an only child’, complains Harry, fiddling with a stray thread at the end of his sleeve.

‘That’s that sorted then.’ says Lily. ‘We’ll do Art, Media, English, Maths and the sciences - and yes, that’s including Chemistry.’

‘Okay, whatever. I’m going to go up now if that’s okay.’

‘Alright. I’ll call you for tea in about half an hour or so, yeah?’

‘Thanks. Are you staying to eat with us, Pads?’ Harry asks Sirius, taking his empty bowl and spoon across to the sink.

‘No, I’m having dinner with Remus, its only a quick visit today really. But another time, eh? Once Moony’s out of bed we’ll come together and stay a bit longer.’

‘That’d be cool.’

‘Oh, and Haz?’ Sirius calls as Harry heads towards the doorway.

‘Yeah?’

‘Fifteen across, six letters, “a habitually discontented person”.’

‘I dunno, grouch?’

‘You’re a genius, mate. Cheers.’

[zombieunicorngamerzu]

(Valeria Garza x fem reader)

[Warnings - strap-on, spanking, depredation, praise, dom Valeria, sub reader, slight aftercare]

“Vamos, chica guapa…” (That’s it, pretty girl) Valeria purred out as she guided you down slowly on her strap. She was leaned back with her hands on your hips, holding them as you hovered above her, knees folded as you tried to sink yourself down on her cock like a big girl. She picked a rather large strap today, she always does that when she wants to see you cry, whimper, and cling to her, really the bigger the strap the more affectionate she is.

“Eso es todo, cariño... buena niña.” (That’s it baby, good girl.) She moaned out proudly as she rolled her hips up to help, making you tremble as more of her strap filled your poor little pussy up. She was watching you like prey, that cocky but lustful gaze with her hands squeezing your hips before she thrusted her hips up to meet yours, making you gasp out a shaky moan, your head ducking down to press against her bare chest… just how she liked you.

“Ese es un buen bebé, llevando a mamá tan bien, ¿eh?” (That’s a good baby, taking mommy so well, huh?) Valeria grunted out, grinding and rolling her hips into yours before she slid her hands down to your ass, squeezing and gripping to help you ride her thick cock while you whined and cried, whimpering against her chest as you shook from the overwhelming pleasure of the strapons vibrating feature. God, she spoiled you.

“Vamos, cariño, haz algo de trabajo también.” (Come on baby, do some work too.) Valeria had to coo out with a buck of her hips and a slap to your ass, making you jolt and nod as you shifted, getting your hands on her shoulders to start riding, your hips circling before you lifted up slightly, feeling every inch of her cock before sinking your hips back down to let it fill you again, a loud sweet moan slipping past your lips each time.

“Joder... Dios, cariño, ¡no me canso de este culo!” (Fuck… God baby, I can’t get enough of this ass!) Valeria groaned out a whine as she slapped and gripped your ass with each roll of your hips down against hers, jerking her hips up harder just to get as deep inside you so she could to hear those squeals until she got tired and leant forward, forcing you to lay on your back before she was pounding down into you, panting heavily with the desire to see you cum again.

You cried out at how deep and rough she was fucking you but she didn’t care, just chuckling as she watched you like a hawk, every noise you let out, the harder she’d hammer her hips down against yours, cooing out praises as she fucked your pussy for all it was worth until moaning as she started to cum with the vibrator pressed against her clit in the hardness, making her growl out and slam into you rough to use the mechanism on the strap-on to cum in you, filling you up with spurts of fake cum as she shook and gasped.

As soon as she came, you couldn’t help but cum too, she just looked so hot, crying out her name as you clenched around her strap, your fingernails digging into her bicep until she hissed until you finally calmed, coming to consciousness minutes after with Valeria brushing her fingers through your hair and kissing your forehead as she pulled out and cleaned you up, climbing back into bed with you to hold you close, whispering out, “Good girl, baby, your such a good girl, my good girl.”

[snifflesthemouse]

Harry knows his security will be denied...

This is the only way to excuse the absence of the children AND no visa.

He says it's not safe as his excuse. We all saw the next king and his MIL at a pub... with no issues.

But then again Wills isn't Public Enemy #1.

Rumor has been there is a tug of war over adding more members. William's reign most likely will be looking differently, as some have said he doesn't want to show up for supermarkets, but to work on more targeted, meaningful missions.

American Riviera Orchard is a cover up most likely for people asking where the money keeps coming. They're cash poor...

Oh, and Spare me the consequences of all this.

Listen up, Meghan... you're sloppy in your methods. You've gotten careless. You're running out of time, and you will have to eventually eat the Crow. You know what you've done, and you know why you're not allowed back in the castles and Haz not on the properties. Did you sell those pictures you took? Or was that your bargaining chip?

I'm waiting for something distracting to come out soon. Oh where is this big revelation Lady C spoke about? It's halfway through April. Maybe it's not late enough?

I swear something isn't making sense to me about all of it...

Why not just return to the Tig? Why start new when the old was better? So many questions.

Note: I am aware most my work hasn't been edited. If I had the time it would be better. So much is happening in real life, but I at least wanted to ask these out loud.

[azadrithaanatheme]

okay Murder Dronesblr, I have an important question. without getting too deep into the weeds about themes and motifs and whatnot in the thing I’m writing, do I keep Uzi’s solver form mostly the same to spare my poor drawing hands, or do I let her go apeshit and become a horrible evil screwed up techno-organic crow demon?

[w1n3bunny]

chat can u infodump abt phinjeet im intreuged <- hasnt watched pnf but probably should

* UR GIVING ME A FREE PASS TO TALK ABOUT THOZE FREAKZ TOBY ?!??!! I OWE U MY LIFE (sorry this took a while to answer i need time to gather and properly express my thoughtz GAH (also excuze the poor quality of my screenshotz im on a budget))

* this iznt going to be coherent but HERE WE GO

* so a big part of what compelz me about their dynamic iz the fact that theyre essentially on the same level/wavelength , while ofc phineas iz more adventurous and baljeet iz more anxious , theyre equally intelligent (NEEEERRRRDDZZ) and can speak the same nerdy language and truly listen to each other (smth i cant alwayz say for their more popular pairingz with other characterz WGAT WHO SAID THAT WHO SAID THAT)

* i lov when theyre in sync !!!!! i lov when they get each other !!!!!!!! they sincerely care about each otherz interestz becauze they hav Shared interestz !!!!!!!!!!!!

* they hav a shared interest in sci-fi , theyre both big fanz of an in-universe show called space adventure n therez an episode where they go to a sci-fi convention in space adventure cozplay , tho baljeet iz shown to hav a more Persistent interest in it . in candace against the universe he repeatedly triez to uze thingz that happen in space adventure az solutionz to the gangz space related problemz , even against hiz own better judgement and understanding of science , somtimez veering into just straight up infodumping territory . this pretty much alwayz endz poorly lol , ig hyperfixation beatz logic . mood

* (HEZ LITERALLY ME)

* at the end phineas makez hiz own space adventure suggestion , and thatz the only one that actually workz out . SAD !

* they also both lov math n science specifically ! phineas channelz hiz passion into crazy projectz and inventionz while baljeet moreso lovez math itself , and therez an episode where phineas iz shown uploading blueprintz to hiz n ferbz website so baljeet can check the math , which he doez very quickly and then sendz over the updated verzion , and although we only see this once it impliez to me that this iz a regular occurrence to the point where theyve got it down like a routine I JUST THINK THATZ CUTE !!!!! lookit theze nerdz <3333

* i see them az stabilizing forcez to each other , when baljeet iz freaking the hell out about smth phineas can help him look on the brighter side n realize itz not that big of a deal , or assure him thingz will work out . when phineas iz bouncing off the wallz and not thinking very far ahead baljeet can bring him back down to earth and challenge hiz leadership in a way the otherz dont often do , or correct hiz mistakez if need be

* and becauze of the way phin needz jeet to check over hiz math , and the way he misspellz time machine az tie machine in “its about time” , i like to hc phineas like . iznt necessarily Bad at spelling or typing , but iz very prone to making obvious mistakez in hiz haste , so itz great that he haz a nerd friend whoz happy to review hiz work n catch thoze for him YAY

* a similar phin hc i hav iz that , cuz of how hard he hyperfocusez on building stuff , hez constantly getting bruizez n scrapez that he doeznt even notice cuz hez too In The Zone . he could be leaving a trail of blood and would hav no idea LOL till someone pullz him aside to point it out (just adhd thingz <3 hez literally me) . everyone else startz carrying bandaidz for hiz sake . baljeet uzez blue onez , which iz why i pretty much alwayz try to draw phin (at least younger phin) with a blue bandaid on hiz hand . im makin it gay , it symbolizez jeet being there for him when hez hurt ..... hand holding ........... hehehehehehe

* i also somtimez draw jeet with a yellow bandaid on hiz noze for similarly gay reazonz . muahahaha

* at the start of "cranius maximus" baljeet freakz out becauze he feelz like hez getting dumber the more he hangz out with phineas and ferb since he iznt studying 24/7 anymore , even tho id argue the experience he gainz through their adventurez iz just az valuable , but i think itz a fun point since itz kinda noticeable how much more actively baljeet seemz to engage in the backyard gangz activitiez az the show goez on

* it most likely waznt an intentional Story Decizion for jeet to start changing hiz mind about the importance of hiz studiez after s1 , but i wouldve liked if it waz actually treated az like . a change , an arc of sortz . like at the start of the summer hez super focused on school and not interested in pnfz projectz , but az he keepz incidentally landing in their orbit n finding thingz they hav in common he gradually becomez part of the gang

* that half-made-up early summer baljeet probably wouldve been completely content sitting around n studying for hiz summer school classez all day , but here he iz coming to phineas and ferb with hiz “boring” activity , not even directly Asking them to make it more fun , just hoping and trusting that they Will . smth about that getz me idk . he likez playing with spinning topz , but now maybe smth about hiz change in routine haz made them a bit dull , and he trustz that pnf will figure out smth more exciting (and dangerous lol) to make of them . also just . how much they clearly like each other and enjoy being in each otherz company THATZ CUUUUUTE

* and OFC phinjeet wouldnt be phinjeet without "the baljeatles" (I ALWAYZ WRITE IT AZ PHINJEATLEZ IM COOKED) , one of my favorite episodez , in which pnf try to teach baljeet how to rock tm since hez accidentally signed up for a rock n roll camp n iz terrified of getting a bad grade . SUCH A GOOD EPISODE which so many of my phinjeet hcz hinge on , becauze THEY WERE IN LLIKE ?!?!?!?!?!? A PUNK ROCK BAND TOGETHER ?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! EMOZ ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! /J

* THERE WAZ NO REAZON TO PUT UR ARM AROUND HIM LIKE THAT DAWG I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE . i hc it waz at this very concert that phineas had a gay awakening LOOOL . for the entire episode up till the concert jeet haz been very anxious and uncertain becauze he just doeznt know how to Rock , he doeznt Want to stick it to the man , he doeznt want to break the rulez , but now suddenly he walkz out on stage az a completely different , angry and confident person . i can just vividly picture phin freezing up and forgetting hez suppozed to be doing backup vocalz n stuff n ferb haz to like nudge him and remind him hez on stage . dumbass

* and despite all their wholesomeness theyre not above picking on each other (lightheartedly), which iz also extremely important . somtimez itz one-sided since jeet tendz to be the more petty n snarky one , but yk

* i think therez just . so many little thingz like that that make them such a compelling dynamic to me , n not even necessarily in a ship way , theyre just cute wholesome friendz who like each other !!!! and i think theyre both aro anyway , alloz could never understand phinjeet . thatz a qpr🫵 .

* theyre two nerdz who like sci-fi and space and math . they are sun and moon coded . they are puppy and kitty coded . they are a team that cannot be beaten ("they were also referring to ferb there-" this aint about him/silly) they respect each other and help each other whenever they can . phineas haz a little device that receivez holographic messagez from baljeet whenever he needz help (in One episode but SHH SHHHH) . after candace getz abducted by alienz in candace against the universe baljeet iz the first person they turn to n hez immediately like “i assume you will need me to build another portal” like he just Knowz . and hez fully on board , no questionz asked

* theyre also super autistic !!!!!!! they both hav episodez where they freak out over a change of planz (in "bubble boys" baljeet triez to take phineas' advice to "seize the day" very literally , by planning out every single second of hiz day and then freakz out when hiz schedule iz disrupted . in "bully bromance breakup" jeet forbidz the use of technology az the gang climb a mountain and phin lozez hiz mind , desperately suggesting ideaz for inventionz n gadgetz to the point where he stopz climbing n iz being pulled along by everyone else while curled up into a ball) , they both hav som trouble understanding tone and social cuez , they both infodump and stim , etc

* imagine: they are stargazing together and infodumping to each other about space . they are huddled up on a couch watching a space adventure marathon and eating popcorn , talking to each other for hourz . phin iz hovering over jeetz shoulder az jeet checkz hiz math on a blueprint . they are doing each otherz emo ass make-up and singing together . they are talking about beez and spiderz . they are dyeing each otherz hair . they are drinking cappuccinoz . they are bickering lovingly .

* now lemme yap rq about the aro thing cuz im aro and itz super important to me:

* phineas iz the one whoz more obviously aro coded , most notably cuz of how he never pickz up on any of izabellaz advancez and remainz completely clueless about her feelingz for him , but smth specific that getz me iz the way he talkz about romance in “that sinking feeling” . baljeet freakz out about hiz childhood friend being Pretty now , he wordz it weird like “now she is … a girl !!!” but hez like ten and itz 2009 dw about it

* the point iz , phineas iz like “oh i think what girls really like is romance , we learned all about it in this movie we watched !” . the movie waz titanic , and phineas doeznt think of romance az a feeling or an experience , but az an arbitrary list of itemz from a movie . he thinkz classical muzic , roze petalz , a cruize ship . the ship startz FUCKING SINKING and everyonez panicking and hez like “wow ! is this romance or what !” little guy haz NOOOO idea what the hell romance iz and hez trying hiz best but LOL .

* meanwhile baljeet strikez me az an aro who (in contrast to phineas) iz hyperaware of the amatonormative society around him and feelz obligated to try and fit into it and be “Normal” . he feelz a lot of aesthetic attraction , and partly cuz of PHINEAS’ confuzion about romance , he equatez it to romantic attraction

* he haz like four “love interestz” if u wanna call them that , but theyre mostly pretty shallow or underdeveloped relationship-wize , which i interpret az jeet having Chozen to hav crushez on thoze ppl , misinterpreting platonic and aesthetic attraction , looking at a person like a checklist of dezirable traitz , or just being eazily influenced and pushed into romantic relationshipz becauze of everything else combined with hiz desperation to be “normal”

* how i see their relationship developing iz later in their teenz they get together thinking itz romantic , baljeet finally feelz “fixed” and phineas feelz like he finally Getz It , but the way the ppl around them perceive their relationship , the way they themselvez only want it to be like “super close friends who kiss sometimes” , and the expectationz that are put on them to do/be More etc , make them question whether their feelingz are genuine . then somwhere down the line they (separately) realize theyre aro and that their feelingz for each other are actually queerplatonic and kind of both loze their mindz over it (im projecting my own aro experience here , when i first realized i waz aro i had a sorta-gf n i waz terrified that i wouldnt be able to lov her the “right” way or that i waz leading her on , so thatz also what i imagine going through their headz) . till they try to confess this to each other n realize there waz nothing to worry about cuz they were actually already on the same page n then theyre happy silly qppz forever the end

* az much az i like to make shit up n torture theze two to make them more fucked up than they should be , theyre really just . sweet and inoffensive . theyre buddiez . theyre palz . theyre a team . theyre everything to me and they make me phyzically ill somtimez

* herez som drawingz ! az a gift <3

* this iz certainly not ALL i can say about phinjeet , BUT IM SO TIRED AND THIS POST CANT GO ON FOREVER . so thatz it for neow peace and love <3333

[saintmeghanmarkle]

Dead mummies. Just leaving this here... by u/Economy-Alfalfa-2241

Dead mummies. Just leaving this here... So Clotface still haz a sad about Mummy, awww.I imagine that poor Baka baby who was taken from his mother's shot body BY CLOTFACE'S RANGERS will have some sort of feels in the future. Thank goodness he won't have to contend with elite boarding schools, gifted commissions to top regiments, entire countries willing to lie about his crap performance. At least the poor little thing won't have to deal with who gets the window in the castle or more sausages. And he was only a baby, he won't remember. Not like you and The Worst Thing That Ever Happened To Anyone Ever, surely they can just dump him off on some other woman (if there are any left) or plug him into a cow or something...Do something, you fulminating great stinkhorn. Your charity. Flounce around slebland collecting pointless awards based on your stolen valour to make you feel less useless afterwards. You have enough time, you lazy little scrote.DO. SOMETHING! WE WON'T FORGET. Apologies, sinners. No funny today. I just cannot with these two blobstains. post link: https://ift.tt/kdIRvUK author: Economy-Alfalfa-2241 submitted: June 29, 2024 at 10:31PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[jahayla-parker]

Can you please do a fic where Harrison protects/saves you? 😊

Habitually Offensive : Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Desc: 3.5k wc, y/n and Harrison are dating, but her ex won’t leave her be, requiring Haz to step in and protect her. Hurt comfort

Warnings: kidnapping, domestic violence (please safely seek help if you’re dealing with this!), injuries, fighting, police, and hospitals

Harrison paced back and forth with worry. His poor bottom lip was numb from how aggressively he’d been biting at it. He’d not heard back from his girlfriend for a while now. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt something was off about it. He didn’t think her not answering her phone was unrelated to the sudden sound that he’d heard in the background of the call. He’d been on the phone with her as she returned from a night out with friends. They’d been talking for maybe an hour when there was a loud crash and she suddenly stated she needed to go but would call him back. Harrison didn’t have the chance to ask her what the noise was or to ask her to stay on the phone with him before she ended the call. He’d tried to immediately call her back, already having sensed something was off. It was late at night and she lived alone, with no pets… so she would have to have caused the noise in order for it to not be something of concern. However, he’d known her for long enough to know what type of reaction she usually had to knocking something over or having some sort of accident. Hence why his feet were nearly burning marks into the floor from all his pacing.

Harrison tried to call her one more time. Only, after ringing for a while, he got her voicemail box, again. He grit his teeth and stomped over to his front door and hurriedly tore his keychain down from his assigned wall hook.

Harrison was certain he was going to be pulled over and given a ticket on his way over due to the fact he’d never driven that much over the speed limit before. Luckily though that hadn’t happened; he’d made it to his girlfriend’s house in record time without attracting the attention of the police. However, when he got close enough to see the signs that confirmed his earlier suspicions, Harrison supposed that maybe it would’ve been a good idea to the police involved. His racing gaze shifted all around the scene in front of him as he took in the broken glass beside her windowed door, the way her door was partially open, and the muddy shoe print on the cement path leading to the entrance of her home.

Without hesitation, Harrison flung the door open the rest of the way and rushed inside. His head whipped around rapidly as he searched for her. “Y/n?!” He called out as he made his way further into her apartment. His heart had begun to speed up more and more with each passing second he couldn’t find her. However, upon reaching her backdoor and seeing the track of blood that was smeared on the tile, his heart stopped. Harrison had to grip the edge of the hallway table beside him to keep from collapsing. He blinked forcefully and rubbed his eyes to clear away the tears that had begun to form. He needed to focus. He took a deep breath as he felt all his muscles tense as he prepared for whatever was about to come.

Harrison pushed the backdoor outwards as he followed the smeared blood outside. It was evident where she was forced to stand as the blood smear dramatically lessened suddenly. However, he noticed y/n must’ve been limping as there were still small traces for awhile. Luckily the pouring rain tonight hadn’t washed out away yet. Unfortunately, the trail nevertheless ended unexpectedly; leaving Harrison uncertain where to go to find her. He tried to call her phone again in hopes that she had it on her and he’d hear it. Only, he heard it faintly from back towards the house. He sighed and ended the call, his wide eyes scanning her quaint backyard for any sign of where she’d been taken.

Harrison turned on the flashlight on his phone and rotated it around the dark yard. He noticed a black high heel shoe randomly beside her rubbish bin. He was certain she’d intentionally left it behind as its location didn’t make much sense in the sense that it was not located along any clear walking path. He rushed to it and again scanned the area. In doing so, he found her other shoe a few feet away. Then it was her bracelet. By now Harrison had reached the neighbor’s garage. Just as he was about to try to find a way to peak into the garage to see if he needed to break in to get his girl out, he noticed a sparkling item slightly sunken into the disturbed mud puddle by the garage’s door.

Harrison quietly moved closer, not wanting to risk anyone hearing him and knowing he had found them should she be being held here. Yet, when his eyes landed on the necklace he’d gifted y/n for her birthday years ago back when they were just friends, he knew she was here and he knew she’d left these clues in hopes it would help someone find her. She’d never taken that necklace off since the day she got it, she even slept in it. So it was obvious she’d used it as a last resort to draw attention to where she was taken.

Harrison’s breath became erratic as he turned to the door, ready to burst in and get her to safety. His eyes narrowed in preparation as he set his hand on the handle and pulled aggressively. The door budged but didn’t open. He could make out some rustling from the other side of the garage door. “Y/n? Love?” He called out as he began to back up so he could get some momentum to kick the door down. He could hear muffled noise and he frowned. “If you’re near the door, try to back up okay?” He warned. He took a deep breath and ran at the door.

It took an intense amount of force, but Harrison was able to push whatever obstruction was pressed against the other side of the door out of the way enough to wedge himself inside. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the lack of light inside the garage, but when they did, he felt his heart shatter. He shimmied past the wooden table that had been blockading the door and hurriedly sprinted to the other end of the garage where y/n was seated. He saw the tears instantly fall from her eyes and roll down her face, a few stopping as they reached the edge of the duct tape that had been placed over her lips.

Harrison gasped quietly as he cautiously knelt before her, not wanting to scare her with any sudden movements in the dark. “Shhh love, it’s me, it’s Haz,” he reassured, reaching up and gently pulling up the edge of the duct tape. “This might sting a bit, y/n,” he warned, looking at her hesitantly, hating the idea of hurting her even if it was for her sake. When she nodded quickly, he took a deep breath, signaling for her to copy. He then quickly pulled the tape away from her mouth. He gripped her hand as she whimpered lightly as it left her skin. “I’m so sorry honey,” he cooed.

“I’m going to get you out of here,” Harrison promised y/n as he turned his attention to her bound wrists. “Was it him?” He questioned knowingly. As she nodded, he squeezed her hand in support. “He’s not going to get away with this again. But, I need you to tell me, do you know where he is?”

Y/n shook her head and sniffled. She sighed as she watched Harrison try to gently undo the ropes that had been digging into her skin. “He used the…,” she paused and waved her hand around as she found herself unable to find the word for the large rolling garage door that y/ex/n pulled up and slid out under. “I’m,.. sorry,” she mumbled, her swollen bottom lip making her voice sound funny.

Harrison scoffed lightly and shook his head, his soft eyes lifting to meet her gaze. “Don’t be, this isn’t on you, okay?” He frowned when he could tell she wasn’t convinced. “It’s not,” he stated, his voice leaving no room for doubt. “Now, I… I saw… blood,” Harrison muttered fearfully. “I doubt all of that is from your poor lip,” he pointed out, lightly tracing her split lip with his thumb.

Y/n shook her head. “It’s my stomach,” she explained, reluctantly pulling her hands back from Harrison’s other hand in order to show him. Her hand shook with her lingering adrenaline and fear as she pulled up the edge of her shirt to show her boyfriend the injury her ex had caused. “It’s not… too bad”.

Harrison huffed and shook his head. “You don’t need to minimize your pain sweetheart,” he whispered. He spelt brought his hand closer to the bloody gash in her abdomen. “M-May I?” He asked, clearing his throat. Only once y/n gave him her consent did Harrison let his fingers tenderly touch her irritated skin as a deep grimace formed on his face. “He cut you?” He asked as he analyzed the wind to see what type of weapon he’d used against her and how serious the injury was.

“He… he used the glass from when he broke in,” y/n answered timidly.

“We’ll get you patched up,” Harrison vowed, lowering y/n’s rain soaked shirt back down and helping her stand up.

“What?” Y/n questioned quietly as she noticed the look of confusion on Harrison’s face ass s he gazed down at her legs.

“You… your legs are fine?” Harrison asked, eyes looking up to meet hers. “It’s just, it looked like you might’ve been limping or dragging your foot,” he mumbled, head unconsciously tilting in the direction of the blood stains he’d been referencing.

Y/n pursed her lips and nodded lightly. “I thought… I thought it might help… someone ummm… you know..” she muttered.

Harrison nodded and tenderly pulled her to him. He wrapped his arms securely around her as he rubbed her back. “You did great y/n, truly,” he praised, stroking the back of her head lightly. “It did help, as did your shoes, and bracelet, and-“

“My necklace,” y/n murmured as she recalled having to rip it off her neck with one hand as y/ex/n had dragged her into her neighbor’s unoccupied garage. She’d hoped that even if the police didn’t come looking for her that Harrison eventually would and that he’d notice the necklace.

Harrison nodded but felt the deep sigh that left her as she partially deflated in his hold. “‘ey, honey”.

“I broke it, he… I only had one hand… I…” y/n cried.

“Y/n/n, it’s okay, I’m glad you did,” Harrison promised, leaning back to cup her face. “It helped me know you were here, I couldn’t be happier that you broke it,” he added. He pressed a loving kiss to her clammy and dirty forehead. “Let’s get you out of here”.

Harrison positioned y/n by his side, instructing her to keep her right hand pressed to her wound on her stomach while her left held onto him for support. He made his way to the door that he’d entered through slowly as to not make her pain worse. He shoved the wooden table further out of the way so they could fit through easier.

The couple had just stepped outside and into the flood lights of huge garage when Harrison spotted someone approaching. He quickly moved y/n behind him as he tensed. He could tell by the way the person was stalking over that they didn’t want to be loud and cause a scene but it was clear they weren’t pleased; it had to be y/ex/n. “Love, head home and call nine-nine-nine,” Harrison instructed, passing her his cellphone and guiding her to move behind the large rubbish bin beside the garage.

“No, Haz, he-,” y/n whimpered, her voice carrying her worry for her boyfriend.

“I’m fine, please,” Harrison pleaded, turning to send her a look before he moved to step closer to y/ex/n.

Y/n looked between the two men in debate. She didn’t want to leave Harrison. But she also knew she wasn’t going to be much help given the gash in her stomach. Yet at the same time, it was her previous relationship with y/ex/n that lead to this moment; Harrison didn’t need to get caught up in this. She couldn’t make out the words that Harrison and y/ex/n exchanged, her unsteady breathing muffling and sounds around her. She decided to do as Harrison asked and run to safety so she could call for help. The police would be better help than she would be, especially at this point.

Harrison lunged at y/ex/n as he moved towards y/n. “Stay the hell away from her,” he growled, tackling her ex to the ground as soon as he made contact with him. The downpour of rain refused to cease as the two wrested in the mud.

Y/ex/n groaned and kicked at Harrison’s grip as he wormed his way against the muddy ground in an attempt to escape. Not that he needed much effort since Harrison was already leaping up upon having seen y/ex/n had managed to grab y/n’s ankle and trip her on his way down.

Harrison shook with increased anger and fear as he noticed y/n had seemingly hit her head on the fence post as she fell. She was now rubbing her head and appeared dazed. He quickly pulled back y/ex/n’s fingers until he was forced to let go of y/n’s leg. However, Harrison’s shifted focus allowed y/ex/n the chance to get the upper hand. Y/ex/n swiped his leg across the ground, knocking Harrison’s legs out from under him. Harrison shifted his body so as to not fall on y/n on his way down. He quickly gazed over at her to check on her before he pushed himself up just as y/ex/n began trying to punch him.

Harrison had lost count of how many strikes he’d exchanged with y/ex/n before he saw the red and blue lights light up the night sky. He saw the fear in y/ex/n’s eyes when he realized the police had arrived. However, he also picked up on the fact that y/ex/n was now hoping to flee to avoid being arrested. So, Harrison used y/ex/n’s sudden lack of focus to knock him to the ground and promptly dropped himself onto the man, elbow pressed into his stomach forcefully.

As he pinned y/ex/n to the ground, Harrison turned to face y/n, who was now leaning against the fence, her eyes barely open but on nevertheless. He tried to catch his breath, eyes stuck on her as he waited for the police to fully make their way over. The ceaseless rain continued to pour on both of them, beginning to wash away the mud that had coated Harrison’s shirt. However he worried that the intensity of the rainfall was going to make y/n sick. He wanted to get her out of the rain and into the warmth, safety, and comfort of his home. But, he refused to let y/ex/n flee the way he’d done once before. Tonight’s events were the result of his last escape. Harrison wasn’t going to let that happen again.

Once the officers had located the group and assured Harrison that they had a hold of y/ex/n, he leapt up and rushed over to where y/n was being examined by an officer. “Are the medics coming?” He asked the officer who was evaluating y/n as she rested on the ground.

Y/n weakly reached for Harrison, her gaze blurry from the spinning inside her head. Her lips curled into a faint smile as her boyfriend immediately noticed her need and interlaced their hands. She could hear that me was talking, but she wasn’t sure what was being said. She was beyond exhausted and now that she and Harrison were both safe, she felt she could finally rest her eyes.

“I see them,” Harrison said in response to the officer’s comment about how the medical response team was on their way. His heart rate accelerated as he watched her heavy eyes close. “I’m taking her to them,” he stated, not waiting for the officer’s approval. He quickly scooped y/n up from the ground and held her to him as he rushed across both backyards and to the ambulance. “She’s been c-c.. stabbed, and her head- she uhh hit her head, I think she’s got a concussion, and possibly an infection now from the mud given her open wound, and-“ he began rattling off to the nearest medic.

“Alright, sir, sir,” the medic attempted to interrupt. “We understand mate,” he nodded in acknowledgment. “Set her ‘ere,” he advised, moving so Harrison could reach the stretcher.

“Can I… I can go with, right?” Harrison asked, gripping y/n’s hand tightly as he gazed down at her sleeping form.

The medic looked at the officer that had followed Harrison and y/n to the ambulance with uncertainty. He wasn’t sure what had transpired tonight other than that it was a domestic incident. But he wasn’t sure who had been the victim or victims versus perpetrator(s).

“She,” the officer started as he nodded at the woman on the stretcher. “Gave her story to the dispatcher when she called, he’s,” he continued, now nodding towards the man loyally waiting by the woman’s side. “The current boyfriend and she said he was protecting her. We’ll take the other man to a different hospital, he can go with you and her, we’ll send a detective to meet them there,” the officer concluded, moving backwards so the medics could close the ambiance doors and leave.

Y/n groaned at the sharp pain in her head as she peeled her eyes open. The brightness in the room made her want to scream. She felt a tender squeeze against her palm and turned towards the direction of the sensation. Her lips curled up in a sleepy smile as she met her boyfriend’s face. “Hi Haz,” she greeted lovingly.

“Hi sweetheart,” Harrison whispered. “I tried to turn the light down as much as possible,” he explained with a sympathetic frown. “Doctors say you have a bad concussion”.

Y/n hummed in acknowledgment of this information. “And what about-“

“Your stomach is stitched up,” Harrison sighed. “But, they at least made them y/f/c,” he chuckled humorlessly. He squeezed her hand once again, “it’ll take some time to heal, but you’ll be alright”.

Y/n grinned softly and squeezed Harrison’s hand. “I appreciate that information, Harrison, I do,” she commented. “But, I was actually going to ask about-“.

“Oh, right,” Harrison muttered. “He’s been arrested, they have camera footage from your security system and your neighbor’s backyard camera, so while they will likely still want your report, they said it should be an easy conviction.” He huffed. “Said he broke his nose, some ribs, and,” Harrison paused and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.. it’s not like it’s enough. After all, apparently the doctors said he-“.

Y/n stiffly turned to face Harrison better. She squeezed his hand as his eyes widened with worry over her movements. “Harrison, honey,” she cooed. “I don’t give a damn about him,” she muttered. “I was trying to ask how you are. Have you been looked at?”

Harrison blushed. He shook his head in disbelief and leaned forward, slightly out of his seat as he moved to kiss her forehead very gently. “Yes,” he promised, sitting back down. “They forced me to be evaluated for the case. I didn’t leave your side though, I… I made them do it here, but I did have to sit over there,” he mumbled, pointing to the chair by the counterspace in her hospital room.

“Harrison,” y/n chuckled lightly, squeezing his hand to bring his attention back to her. “That’s okay baby,” she promised, “I’m just glad you came for me”.

“Of course I came for you,” Harrison whispered breathily.

Y/n smiled warmly and squeezed Harrison’s hand again. “What did the doctors say when they evaluated you?” She questioned.

“Nothing to worry about darling,” Harrison answered, brushing some hair from y/n’s face with his hand that wasn’t holding hers.

“I’ll be the one to decide that,” y/n argued knowingly.

Harrison chuckled and shook his head. “Few broken fingers and some bruises, nothing major, promise,” he hummed.

“Good,” y/n sighed in relief. She shifted until she was lying flat against the hospital bed one again. “I know you won’t accept it, but thank you again Harrison, truly,” she whispered, her eyes getting heavy again.

Harrison watched as her blinks began to last longer, her fatigue taking its toll on her again. “I’ll always fight for you my love, you’re safe now, close your eyes and rest,” he encouraged, stroking her cheek with his free hand as he watched her eyelids get heavier. He sighed in peace as he watched her go back to sleep, pleased everything was going to be okay.

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