#pondering things

[jojojooo33]

Hmm 2003 Wrath purposefully not getting close to a lot of people and especially not Alphonse so they hopefully feel less bad when he tricks Al into murdering him (Wrath can't do it himself) to both be with his mom and to hopefully get Ed back since he wouldn't have been able to do that either. But Wrath is also a kid that called Izumi AND Sloth his mom and Al will definitely still feel bad about it both in the short term and in the long term when he remembers things.

(Don't tag as a ship please, they are siblings to me ^^;)

[endogenicredstararchive]

Pondering Things 7: Fear and Judgement

I didn't think I would be Creating a new Pondering Things entry this late. But here we are. I hope you all had a wonderful day today. For me, things have been rather rough. As you may have already seen from my system mates, I've been having issues with blood pressure. Even though I take medication, it's still tends to screw up every once in a while. I'm not worried about it particularly. Like always, it'll go back to normal eventually. And once that happens, we'll be back in smoother waters. And once we're in smoother waters, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming. And by that, I mean your average posts. Part of me wonders if this even worth it. I Mean. sure I have people following us now. But part of me is a little paranoid. We are an endogenic system, after all. And people don't take kindly to us.

That's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm afraid of how people see us. I'm afraid they'll look at us and think that we're faking. Is this a normal thing for a system host to feel? Is it normal to feel like I'm faking everything? Is it bad to fear another’s judgment? The guys tell me that I'm thinking too much about it. And that I should keep going. But is worth it if it affects me so much? I know I should listen to them. They know what they're talking about. But part of me is still very much afraid. But if I keep letting fear control me, it'll keep winning. And I can't let it win. I have to keep going. We have to keep going. If not for ourselves, then for the other endogenic systems out there. I want to be a voice for them so that they too can be heard. I want the world to know that we're all right. I want the world to know that We're not here to hurt people with DID, Or people with OSDD. We're not here to steal resources. We're just existing. That's all we're doing. It's our existence somehow a crime? Does our existence scare them somehow? Because I assure you, we don't bite. Even though some of my system mates would gladly bite aggressors. Anyway, I Just don't want to come on this website just to fear for my own validity. But I also want to keep posting. Because if I don't, then someone may go unheard. And I don't think I could live with that. Everyone has a right to be heard. Even the ones you disagree with. No matter how much It hurts you to hear what they say, They have every right to speak. It doesn't mean that they're correct in any way. But they deserve the dignity of being heard. I have to remind myself of that sometimes. Of course, there's a difference between speaking one’s mind and spreading hate. And some of these antis tend to walk a fine line between the two. And occasionally step on to one side carelessly. I find that most of the time they step on to the side of hate speech. And yes, it is considered hate speech when you target somebody. They're targeting endogenic systems, therefore it is hate speech. At least that's what I think.

I know I should stay out of system discourse, and I know it's not good for me to dabble in it. But I feel like I must. Because if I don't, someone may get hurt. The way they talk about us is hurtful. Their words are the reason why I'm so nervous to keep posting. I keep seeing them wherever I look. And it cuts like a knife every time. Miguel has been trying to keep me away from such things because he knows how much it affects me. Bless him, he tries so hard. Both Knockout and Starscream have also put in valiant efforts as well. But sometimes posts like that can't be avoided. I still read them and they still hurt. Even in the Pro endo tags and endo safe tags, I still see them. I've seen people claiming that people like us are just unable to recognize our trauma. They essentially attempt to gaslight us into thinking we have trauma. When in reality, we have none. I, the host, have mental health issues, of course. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I have trauma.

They always use the DSM 5 as a de facto source of information. However, the DSM 5 isn't exactly accurate. I would suggest they check out the ICD 11. It's a fair bit more accurate. Of course, some of them aren't going to listen to us. And that's their prerogative. But constantly saying that the DSM 5 is completely infallible is an outright lie. Besides that, mental health books such as the DSM 5 only highlight issues that make existence difficult for people. It only highlights behaviors that are detrimental to the patient. Granted, I am no mental health expert, but neither are the people accusing every endo of faking. I wish they would do more research before they shoot off at the mouth.

TL;DR: All endogenic systems are valid. All systems of unknown origin are valid. The people saying that we're faking are not.

I suppose I've run my mouth for long enough. I do hope you all enjoy this entry. And I hope to see you tomorrow! And please remember that this blog is a safe space for any system, regardless of origin! I love you all!

[nambnb]

The Age of Shades in Hades

This thought is certainly not new to many fans of the Hades game, but I am convinced that the age at which the shades are depicted in the "Hades" game does not say much about what they looked like, or how old they were when they died.

One reason this thought keeps haunting me is the nagging feeling that Achilles looks too old in the "Hades" game whenever his character portrait pops up on the screen. Yes, it might simply be the artist’s style. Yes Achilles is also smiling, so I understand that the corners of his mouth are protruding on his face. And the way the artist applied shadows to Achilles' face also contributes to making him look "old," as the shadows/wrinkles/bags under his eyes are mostly visible under Achilles’ eyes.

For better understanding, I edited his face a bit and reduced the hard lines/deep shadows used by the artist (left original, right slighty retouched):

I don't mean to say that his character design is bad, far from it. I'm just saying that Achilles looks older than he might have been when he died (which can be estimated to have been between 27 and 29 years of age).

Now, you could argue that he looks that way because he fought in a war for 10 years, and demigod or not, the constant threat to life and limb must have been terrible. Sleep may not have always been a possibility, especially in the last month of his life after he lost Patroclus, and the Iliad also says that he couldn't sleep well, if at all (he ran himself ragged).

But regardless of how he looked in life, I think Achilles could look younger or much more recovered than he looks in the game, if he so chooses.

Why? Because Theseus, Champion of Elysium, looks like he is in his 30s, too. But he died when he was already past 50 years of age. (Funnily enough he died thanks to Lycomedes, who later allowed Achilles to stay with his daughters on Skyros.) Granted, Theseus might have been the son of Poseidon and thus a demigod himself. But demigods usually do not age differently than normal humans. So if Theseus' shade can look at least 20 years younger than his physical body was when he died, why does Achilles look older than he is?

I don’t think a shade can age in the sense a living human can. But if looks can be changed by how you want to look, then I have to assume Achilles “feels old and tired”, so his shade’s appearance reflects that. I guess this could be because he misses Patroclus like hell for most of the game (and the character designers did not give him a different avatar just because the player can reunite them later on). But I headcanon Achilles might look younger, or “more like himself”, after he has been reunited with Patroclus because most of the pain might be gone then. The guilt may remain, but perhaps it will also be less noticeable and will not show so strongly on his face.

[izoldalovesthesun]

Whenever I think about the concept of a genie offering me wishes, I follow the same exact pattern of thought:

I think about potential wishes. I think about how those wishes might turn out not to be what I really wanted. And then I realize that, although my life isn’t perfect at all, really I wouldn’t wish for anything to change.

I would be so afraid of accidentally changing the world around me for the worse, instantaneously and irreversibly. I can accidentally make mistakes on my own, and at least try to be better on my own as well. I don’t want an easy way out.

I want things to become easier because I make things easier, not because someone magically makes things easier for me. Does that make me selfish? Maybe. I’ll learn to accept help when I need it, I just don’t want anyone to fix my life for me. I want to feel competent. I want to feel real and strong.

[big-greer]

Actually come to think of it i need to do a master post for my other dragon ball OC velt as well.

Might fuse the greer and velt post into one since they are both dragon ball characters

[pkmnomegaverse]

I’m holding myself back by the scruff of my neck right now. Like no Syd, you can’t add romhacks into the lore of this verse. Shits already too complicated by mixing anime/games, but at least there’s somewhat of a frame of reference so people can maybe infer my vision. But a romhack? Only gonna make sense to me at that point.

Basically I’ve been playing Gold 97 Reforged (which is a romhack based on the Spaceworld 97 Demo version of GS) and it’s giving me too many ideas. Also despite me saying I shouldn’t use it….pretty good chance I know what verse OG Lonan is from now! Easiest way to explain the beta Poks he possesses knowledge of. Puzzle piece just fits.

Although there are implications with that route, about how he’s probably more likely to recognize Kele and Astor over Morty and Falkner if this is the case. The pendant thing Morty has in HGSS is a bit of a wrench in this as well, but also, not like that can’t be something beta Morty adds to his own outfit down the line! Everything else in this verse is already a weird tipsy turvy combo anyway.

[loneliestmuffin]

@masterdisastre Rukawa... Does he have sleepy girl vibes?

hi welcome to sleepy girl bracket! im your friendly very very sleepy mod

i love when im playing a game or watching an anime and find a sleepy girl trope. they usually end up being one of if not my favourite character!

and though sleepy girls are not naturally prone to violence tumblr loves battle… and i dont know every sleepy girl in existence, so it gives me a chance to meet more :)

heres a few rules and regulations to submitting! we must dream safely my loves:

im okay with real people being submitted, since this isnt a particularly invasive sort of thing to say about someone imo

you can also submit boys, sleepy girl is a state of mind

prime sleepy girl behavior is having being sleepy/lazy be a core part of the submission— a running gag, something related to backstory, or a current story element (like, sleeping beauty would count as a sleepy girl)

but if a submission’s visuals/theme/etc are heavily connected to sleep and dreams i will also consider them :)

kanata konoe (love live) and yuyuko tanaka (revue starlight) will already be included, youre free to still submit them if you really want, but i dont need you to!

im sure theres sleepy girls abound in eroges, so on the off chance you submit from an eroge, please just specify that its 18+ :) sleepy mod is 18 but i think its valuable to denote

and with that, here’s the submission form! i think i’ll close them around the end of this month :)

(tagging other poll blogs for exposure hello thank you and i hope you dont mind me tagging! @obscurecharactershowdown @moon-swag-tourney @overworkedblorbobattle @battle-couple-battle @who-do-i-know-this-man @redandbluegaycompetition @meanpurplepoll @twintournament)

[carlyraejepsans]

sleebover

[ash-and-starlight]

hades atla bisexual simulator

[noiselessbuck]

being a gender or sexuality should not be deemed inappropriate for children. and working with children should mean being appropriate to children. but also you have gotta let people who do work with children have a life outside of working with children which can be inappropriate for children.

[inlanasroom]

𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲.

[hypnagogics]

do you think Ellie would be more a strap, tribbing, or fingering girlie?

~🦈🦈

abby version. dina version. SMUTTY, BRAIN MELTING YAP AHEAD: TRIB TRIB TRIB. hands down. okay i mean, all of em have their perks. she likes the convenience of fingering, the way she's able to be discreet with it perchance. she likes strap because it's able to reach spots inside of you no one even knew existed before...fabled clusters of nerves that make your mind go blank as she hits them repeatedly. but tribbing?? oh girl. she loves everything about it. she loves the mutual pleasure it brings—not that she minds being on either end!—she loves the wetness of it all, if we were to get vulgar. but back to mutual pleasure for a sec, i feel like she'd just revel in the sort of domino effect it has. lemme elaborate. you're getting closer to the peak, which eggs her on to get closer to her own peak, because of the motions she's doing for herself (frantic, irregular humps and bounces on top, bucks of her hips upwards if on bottom...), the way you're reacting (whining and moaning as she fucks your brain to mush, or making her brain turn to mush), and most importantly the fact she can feel it all in real time. every twitch, throb, squirt, clench, yeah she feels it righttt where she needs. then it all tumbles in a domino, or snowball effect. positive feedback loop for the bio gals...just more and more and more and more, you get the idea. also wanna add: whatever the activity of choice was, she'd wanna clean you up properly afterwards, with her mouth of course. slurping and sucking to her heart's content, like a starved woman. like you were her death row meal. more for her own pleasure than yours let's be real...DAMN. went on a tangent lol BUT TRIB IS HER CHOICE METHINKS LMFAO.

[endogenicredstararchive]

Pondering Things 4: Everything is Changing

Hello, everyone! I hope you all have had a lovely day so far and, if you are just now going to bed, I hope you have a lovely night!

Everything changes. It's part of the ebb and flow of life. Buildings fall, people come and go, and beliefs shift. And the only thing that remains consistent is the pain that change can bring. And nothing makes that more apparent than when a long time neighbor decides to move away. For the past several months, and elderly couple that lives next door has been trying to sell their house. They were planning to stay there for the remainder of their twilight years, but, due to unforeseen medical circumstances, they have to leave. I personally never knew them, but it still hurts nonetheless. Especially considering the issues that they're dealing with. My heart goes out to them.

Anyway, they've been trying to sell their house for the past several months, and have had no luck thus far. However, just today, a young couple bought the house. My mom says that they've pulled up the sign out in the yard. So, I imagine the new couple will be moving in soon. Perhaps I should go and greet them on the day they move in. Or, maybe I should watch from afar, as I'm content to do. I'll decide that when the day comes.

As for myself, I'm sitting out here, in the late afternoon sun, bracing against the cold breeze. Even though I detest the cold, I've come out here to make sure I write something for you all. And that's exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm staring down the driveway, watching the house across the street. Wondering what it would be like to live elsewhere. I've lived in this cul-de-sac all my life, and honestly, all that leaves is a bitter taste in my mouth. I'm not the type of person that enjoys suburban noise. Nor am I the type to enjoy loud, screaming toddlers. And unfortunately, this place has both of those. Sometimes, I wish I could just leave my way down the driveway and make my way down i-95 and stake a claim somewhere else. Alas, due to physical disability, I can't. I have no choice but to live here with my parents until they pass away.

Still, I try to make the best of my less than stellar situation. I have to love this neighborhood, despite it's flaws because I'll be stuck here for the rest of my days.

Everything changes around me, and I feel as though I've stayed the same. I'm a stone in the ever flowing river of time. Immovable, but slowly eroding away. I either have to move, or remain still. The sad thing is, I don't know which one I should do. Should I move, and risk causing trouble for my family, or do I stay put, and stagnate? There are other places I want to see, and people I would love to meet, but in wanting that I feel that I'm burdensome to my family. Am I selfish for wanting to leave this place?

Ah, I think I've gone all long enough. I hope that, in some way this brought you some semblance of joy, or perhaps some food for thought. I'll try to write again soon! Thank you all so very much for reading!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

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[ankylosaurusthesaurus]

what if i was a guy

[vagueconfusion]

Feeling real ridiculous for not having realized that Baron's "stark father" was the Nightmare King until now