#pondering things

[jojojooo33]

Hmm 2003 Wrath purposefully not getting close to a lot of people and especially not Alphonse so they hopefully feel less bad when he tricks Al into murdering him (Wrath can't do it himself) to both be with his mom and to hopefully get Ed back since he wouldn't have been able to do that either. But Wrath is also a kid that called Izumi AND Sloth his mom and Al will definitely still feel bad about it both in the short term and in the long term when he remembers things.

(Don't tag as a ship please, they are siblings to me ^^;)

[endogenicredstararchive]

Pondering Things 7: Fear and Judgement

I didn't think I would be Creating a new Pondering Things entry this late. But here we are. I hope you all had a wonderful day today. For me, things have been rather rough. As you may have already seen from my system mates, I've been having issues with blood pressure. Even though I take medication, it's still tends to screw up every once in a while. I'm not worried about it particularly. Like always, it'll go back to normal eventually. And once that happens, we'll be back in smoother waters. And once we're in smoother waters, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming. And by that, I mean your average posts. Part of me wonders if this even worth it. I Mean. sure I have people following us now. But part of me is a little paranoid. We are an endogenic system, after all. And people don't take kindly to us.

That's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm afraid of how people see us. I'm afraid they'll look at us and think that we're faking. Is this a normal thing for a system host to feel? Is it normal to feel like I'm faking everything? Is it bad to fear another’s judgment? The guys tell me that I'm thinking too much about it. And that I should keep going. But is worth it if it affects me so much? I know I should listen to them. They know what they're talking about. But part of me is still very much afraid. But if I keep letting fear control me, it'll keep winning. And I can't let it win. I have to keep going. We have to keep going. If not for ourselves, then for the other endogenic systems out there. I want to be a voice for them so that they too can be heard. I want the world to know that we're all right. I want the world to know that We're not here to hurt people with DID, Or people with OSDD. We're not here to steal resources. We're just existing. That's all we're doing. It's our existence somehow a crime? Does our existence scare them somehow? Because I assure you, we don't bite. Even though some of my system mates would gladly bite aggressors. Anyway, I Just don't want to come on this website just to fear for my own validity. But I also want to keep posting. Because if I don't, then someone may go unheard. And I don't think I could live with that. Everyone has a right to be heard. Even the ones you disagree with. No matter how much It hurts you to hear what they say, They have every right to speak. It doesn't mean that they're correct in any way. But they deserve the dignity of being heard. I have to remind myself of that sometimes. Of course, there's a difference between speaking one’s mind and spreading hate. And some of these antis tend to walk a fine line between the two. And occasionally step on to one side carelessly. I find that most of the time they step on to the side of hate speech. And yes, it is considered hate speech when you target somebody. They're targeting endogenic systems, therefore it is hate speech. At least that's what I think.

I know I should stay out of system discourse, and I know it's not good for me to dabble in it. But I feel like I must. Because if I don't, someone may get hurt. The way they talk about us is hurtful. Their words are the reason why I'm so nervous to keep posting. I keep seeing them wherever I look. And it cuts like a knife every time. Miguel has been trying to keep me away from such things because he knows how much it affects me. Bless him, he tries so hard. Both Knockout and Starscream have also put in valiant efforts as well. But sometimes posts like that can't be avoided. I still read them and they still hurt. Even in the Pro endo tags and endo safe tags, I still see them. I've seen people claiming that people like us are just unable to recognize our trauma. They essentially attempt to gaslight us into thinking we have trauma. When in reality, we have none. I, the host, have mental health issues, of course. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I have trauma.

They always use the DSM 5 as a de facto source of information. However, the DSM 5 isn't exactly accurate. I would suggest they check out the ICD 11. It's a fair bit more accurate. Of course, some of them aren't going to listen to us. And that's their prerogative. But constantly saying that the DSM 5 is completely infallible is an outright lie. Besides that, mental health books such as the DSM 5 only highlight issues that make existence difficult for people. It only highlights behaviors that are detrimental to the patient. Granted, I am no mental health expert, but neither are the people accusing every endo of faking. I wish they would do more research before they shoot off at the mouth.

TL;DR: All endogenic systems are valid. All systems of unknown origin are valid. The people saying that we're faking are not.

I suppose I've run my mouth for long enough. I do hope you all enjoy this entry. And I hope to see you tomorrow! And please remember that this blog is a safe space for any system, regardless of origin! I love you all!

[izoldalovesthesun]

Whenever I think about the concept of a genie offering me wishes, I follow the same exact pattern of thought:

I think about potential wishes. I think about how those wishes might turn out not to be what I really wanted. And then I realize that, although my life isn’t perfect at all, really I wouldn’t wish for anything to change.

I would be so afraid of accidentally changing the world around me for the worse, instantaneously and irreversibly. I can accidentally make mistakes on my own, and at least try to be better on my own as well. I don’t want an easy way out.

I want things to become easier because I make things easier, not because someone magically makes things easier for me. Does that make me selfish? Maybe. I’ll learn to accept help when I need it, I just don’t want anyone to fix my life for me. I want to feel competent. I want to feel real and strong.

[loneliestmuffin]

@masterdisastre Rukawa... Does he have sleepy girl vibes?

hi welcome to sleepy girl bracket! im your friendly very very sleepy mod

i love when im playing a game or watching an anime and find a sleepy girl trope. they usually end up being one of if not my favourite character!

and though sleepy girls are not naturally prone to violence tumblr loves battle… and i dont know every sleepy girl in existence, so it gives me a chance to meet more :)

heres a few rules and regulations to submitting! we must dream safely my loves:

im okay with real people being submitted, since this isnt a particularly invasive sort of thing to say about someone imo

you can also submit boys, sleepy girl is a state of mind

prime sleepy girl behavior is having being sleepy/lazy be a core part of the submission��� a running gag, something related to backstory, or a current story element (like, sleeping beauty would count as a sleepy girl)

but if a submission’s visuals/theme/etc are heavily connected to sleep and dreams i will also consider them :)

kanata konoe (love live) and yuyuko tanaka (revue starlight) will already be included, youre free to still submit them if you really want, but i dont need you to!

im sure theres sleepy girls abound in eroges, so on the off chance you submit from an eroge, please just specify that its 18+ :) sleepy mod is 18 but i think its valuable to denote

and with that, here’s the submission form! i think i’ll close them around the end of this month :)

(tagging other poll blogs for exposure hello thank you and i hope you dont mind me tagging! @obscurecharactershowdown @moon-swag-tourney @overworkedblorbobattle @battle-couple-battle @who-do-i-know-this-man @redandbluegaycompetition @meanpurplepoll @twintournament)

[carlyraejepsans]

sleebover

[noiselessbuck]

being a gender or sexuality should not be deemed inappropriate for children. and working with children should mean being appropriate to children. but also you have gotta let people who do work with children have a life outside of working with children which can be inappropriate for children.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[inlanasroom]

𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲.

[hypnagogics]

do you think Ellie would be more a strap, tribbing, or fingering girlie?

~🦈🦈

abby version. dina version. SMUTTY, BRAIN MELTING YAP AHEAD: TRIB TRIB TRIB. hands down. okay i mean, all of em have their perks. she likes the convenience of fingering, the way she's able to be discreet with it perchance. she likes strap because it's able to reach spots inside of you no one even knew existed before...fabled clusters of nerves that make your mind go blank as she hits them repeatedly. but tribbing?? oh girl. she loves everything about it. she loves the mutual pleasure it brings—not that she minds being on either end!—she loves the wetness of it all, if we were to get vulgar. but back to mutual pleasure for a sec, i feel like she'd just revel in the sort of domino effect it has. lemme elaborate. you're getting closer to the peak, which eggs her on to get closer to her own peak, because of the motions she's doing for herself (frantic, irregular humps and bounces on top, bucks of her hips upwards if on bottom...), the way you're reacting (whining and moaning as she fucks your brain to mush, or making her brain turn to mush), and most importantly the fact she can feel it all in real time. every twitch, throb, squirt, clench, yeah she feels it righttt where she needs. then it all tumbles in a domino, or snowball effect. positive feedback loop for the bio gals...just more and more and more and more, you get the idea. also wanna add: whatever the activity of choice was, she'd wanna clean you up properly afterwards, with her mouth of course. slurping and sucking to her heart's content, like a starved woman. like you were her death row meal. more for her own pleasure than yours let's be real...DAMN. went on a tangent lol BUT TRIB IS HER CHOICE METHINKS LMFAO.

[ankylosaurusthesaurus]

what if i was a guy

[vagueconfusion]

Feeling real ridiculous for not having realized that Baron's "stark father" was the Nightmare King until now

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 266

Back on my Danny & Ras frienemies/rivals/maybe-lovers-nobody-can-tell-their-signals-are-very-mixed train. 

See, Danny has gone through time a lot. Often. It comes with being Clockwork’s charge-son-thing and honestly he finds it fun. And several times he’s used this time travelling to get some training in. Enter Ras, stage left, also a teen at the time and also learning swordsmanship from the same person. 

And they… utterly despise each other. They would kill the other for an apple slice, if the other one would die! But also, only they can kill the other, as it is obviously their right! 

And well, they keep running into each other. It has been a hundred years, surely the other would die by now? But of course their rival would live through utter spite. Probably to spite them specifically. 

The amount of times they have ended up sparring- trying to kill each other or not- the moment they see the other is actually ridiculous. But time is also passing. And�� Danny understands, not having another to talk about things people are forgetting, or have already forgotten. 

How they ended up actually talking without a murder attempt was a long story that included a demon, a dragon, a pair of fae, some bandits, and a lot of alcohol, but it happened. And then it happens again. And again, and now it’s just kind of normal to share a drink after their spars, talking about things that no longer exist, and things they miss. 

Sure Danny can go back in time again, but he knows better than to do it willy nilly. He’s matured, he’s been an adult for a hundred years now, he knows there’s consequences for messing with time, even with Clockwork’s blessings. 

The first time they got married was technically for an undercover assassination. Well, Ras was there to assassinate someone, Danny was there to grab an artifact that should Not be in the realm of the living. And they got divorced after, it was fine. 

They just, also got married again when they met a few years later, for another job. And… okay, so maybe they have gotten married over a dozen times now and only divorced like half of those times. Half of those were for the bit or while drunk! 

And even if technically they’re married or shared a bed, it’s not like they're exclusive! As Ras’ daughters’ existences attest to (adopted in one case or not). They don’t exactly have a label for their relationship, despite others asking for one or trying to put a name to it themselves. 

Now Danny knows Ras isn’t exactly a good dude, or at least on the side of ‘good’ as he’s a literal assassin. But he also knows that good? Bad? Rather relative. He had gotten labeled as a villain when he was just trying to help all that time ago after all, and really who was he to tell someone else how to live their life? 

Which brings him to now, where he’s run into his old frienemy-rival and his youngest daughter. Who has a braindead teenager and a small toddler. Which is fine, really- but also, Talia dear, why are you using a brain dead teenager to guard your three year old son? 

…

Okay, Talia dear, Ras (Derogatory), why are you using your brain dead son and grandson to guard your younger son and grandson? Do you not have the Pits, which you were soo proud about Ras? Yes, he will spar with you, but for Realms’ sake, heal, what’s his name? Ah yes, go heal Jason and he’ll actually stick around for a few years, deal? Good. 

[endogenicredstararchive]

Pondering Things 4: Everything is Changing

Hello, everyone! I hope you all have had a lovely day so far and, if you are just now going to bed, I hope you have a lovely night!

Everything changes. It's part of the ebb and flow of life. Buildings fall, people come and go, and beliefs shift. And the only thing that remains consistent is the pain that change can bring. And nothing makes that more apparent than when a long time neighbor decides to move away. For the past several months, and elderly couple that lives next door has been trying to sell their house. They were planning to stay there for the remainder of their twilight years, but, due to unforeseen medical circumstances, they have to leave. I personally never knew them, but it still hurts nonetheless. Especially considering the issues that they're dealing with. My heart goes out to them.

Anyway, they've been trying to sell their house for the past several months, and have had no luck thus far. However, just today, a young couple bought the house. My mom says that they've pulled up the sign out in the yard. So, I imagine the new couple will be moving in soon. Perhaps I should go and greet them on the day they move in. Or, maybe I should watch from afar, as I'm content to do. I'll decide that when the day comes.

As for myself, I'm sitting out here, in the late afternoon sun, bracing against the cold breeze. Even though I detest the cold, I've come out here to make sure I write something for you all. And that's exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm staring down the driveway, watching the house across the street. Wondering what it would be like to live elsewhere. I've lived in this cul-de-sac all my life, and honestly, all that leaves is a bitter taste in my mouth. I'm not the type of person that enjoys suburban noise. Nor am I the type to enjoy loud, screaming toddlers. And unfortunately, this place has both of those. Sometimes, I wish I could just leave my way down the driveway and make my way down i-95 and stake a claim somewhere else. Alas, due to physical disability, I can't. I have no choice but to live here with my parents until they pass away.

Still, I try to make the best of my less than stellar situation. I have to love this neighborhood, despite it's flaws because I'll be stuck here for the rest of my days.

Everything changes around me, and I feel as though I've stayed the same. I'm a stone in the ever flowing river of time. Immovable, but slowly eroding away. I either have to move, or remain still. The sad thing is, I don't know which one I should do. Should I move, and risk causing trouble for my family, or do I stay put, and stagnate? There are other places I want to see, and people I would love to meet, but in wanting that I feel that I'm burdensome to my family. Am I selfish for wanting to leave this place?

Ah, I think I've gone all long enough. I hope that, in some way this brought you some semblance of joy, or perhaps some food for thought. I'll try to write again soon! Thank you all so very much for reading!

[shorthaltsjester]

if i keep seeing so many people refer to ayden as an indication of an unknown softness in pelor i will start setting things on fire. just because YOU cannot handle nuance does not mean the story of exandria has not contained it and done so consistently. in fact the first in depth interaction that any party had with pelor (vex becoming his champion) was a portrayal of him that was explicit in his complexity. taken straight from the transcript for 1x104 elysium, “[vex you] spin and look, whereas there once was a burning star-- and to the rest of [vox machina], you see the painful, endless light that averts your gaze-- it doesn't hurt your eyes as much, and you can see the faint features, the soft cheeks, the hairless head, and the bright warm eyes of he who brings the dawn. And you can see the smile there, behind the light. “there is hope.”” sunlight can warm you and burn you in equal measure.

that burning image of the sun has much in common with a teenage boy who steps into a dark room, and reminds the dm that it’s not dark. the same way that a teenage boy who stands by as a woman who will not give up her worship of pelor is punished because he has more important responsibilities he must honour has much in common with a seemingly benevolent lord of the dawn might respond harshly to a cleric who asks if he is worth saving while he is trying to find a way to survive so he might keep helping to provide light. the gods aren’t simple and they never have been. i am as psyched about the particular angle that downfall is taking as anybody but it is already frustrating watching people act like the gods are suddenly more nuanced because they’re in literally mortal bodies when the entire Point of the gods in exandria in the various stories we’ve seen so far is that the only difference they have with mortals is the bounds of their power. they carry all the same flaws and the same profundity. just because so much of the fandom has reduced that to black and white flatness or faulty mapping onto real world religions (or the various traumas those might have caused individuals) doesn’t mean that complexity has been missing at all from the story.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

'why do non-shippers even watch lotr' why are you pathologically incapable of seeing deep love and tenderness as indicative of anything other than a desire for sex

[zarla-s]

I saw this post about how Engie was probably born into generational wealth and I can't stop thinking about it.

[patreon]