#pokemon has been for kids from the fucking beginning the concept of a ''pokemon for adults'' is a childish notion in of itself

[sss-shyshy]

people on twitter are takin the jokes about the pokemon leaks too serious.

[txttletale]

hey what DO you watch on youtube? seems like you'd have some neat recommendations :3

i really loathe the like super-highly edited sound effect post-mrbeast slop most of youtube is now so i mostly like stuff that's like... calm and sedate. stuff i've been watching lately in no particular order:

northernlion vods and clips. he's an OG. i especially like his react court series, i must have watched all of them like five times.

speaking of OGs i've been watching zero puncutation (now fully ramblomatic) for like ten years and if anything it's only gotten better. best game review content on the internet. been really enjoying his more recent, slightly longer and more thoughtful 'extra punctuation/semi-ramblomatic' series too.

any austin's skyrim unemployment rate videos. instant classics to me, it's just a guy going around in skyrim trying to figure out the unemployment rate in every town. it's a very dry kind of humour, he plays it admirably straight, and it's weirdly calming.

kitten arcader's foot the bill videos. in a kind of similar vein, he watches the saw movies and then produces an itemized bill for everything jigsaw needed to buy to make his traps. it's kind of like... if cinemasins was fundamentally curious instead of fundamentally incurious, it scratches a similar sort of nitpicky detail-oriented quantifying itch but without inimical to the concept of art.

shuffle up and play. it's a magic the gathering play series that has enough editing that the gamestate is actually legible but not enough editing (or at least, not enough obtrusive in-your-face editing) that its annoying. i also like that they reguilarly play non-edh formats like cube and pauper.

spice8rack. i'm pretty picky about video essays but spice8rack has very obviously actually read books and has interesting things to say about the topics it discusses (mostly magic: the gathering). sometimes it has a kind of grating Theater Kid Energy but the fact that it actually meaningfully structures essays and analysis to earn the silly long runtimes is a rare delight from a video essayist.

jenny nicholson is a long-time favourite and another permanent fixture in my rotation. she's just extremely, remarkably funny which makes her the only 'basically just summarizing a thing' youtuber i think is worth the time of day.

i watch some sketch comedy, mainly wizards with guns and aunty donna, who both consistently put out really funny stuff that's kind of ITYSL-adjacent in its barefaced absurdism and contenmpt for concepts like "stopping a joke at the logical punchline". i also really like alasdair beckett-king and binging the old clickhole backlog for short-form comedy on youtube.

wolfeyvgc is right on the edge of the level of editing i find tolerable but as a long-time fan of multiple esports he Has It, he's absolutelyt fantastic at t elling the narrative of a tournament, explaining plays clearly, and generally making competitive pokemon esports thrilling and interesting ti someone (me) who#s never played it and doesn't care about pkoemon that much

i religously watch every elliespectacular/dathings YTP, the absolute best in the game right now, top tier snetence mixing and really good at actually setting up and paying off jokes in a way it feels like a lot of ytp doesn't. verytallbart is also pretty good.

trapperdapper is a channel i recently binged, it's a really fucking funny parody of minecraft challenge content that veers slowly from obvious angles of parody into pure absurdism with tons of blink-and-you'll miss it subtle visual gags.

too much future is a great youtube series where the two guys from just king things/homestuck made this world play through every fallout game and analyze them in that context. extremely funny and also just top-tier very sharp analysis. really good

another one of the rare good video essayists is jan misali. they're really funny and will go into topics that kind of seem narrow or strange to begin with in such depth and make them so interesting that it's consistently astonishing.

oh and finally sarah z makes pretty good videos. 'the narcissist scare' is an absolutely brilliant deconstruction of one of the most annoying pop-psych phenomena of the last couple years. and remarkably well script supervised i think did anyone else watch it and think 'wow the script supervisor on this must have been, a mind geniuse'

ok i think that's all i've been watching lately. hope you like whcihever of these recs you check out :)

[kohakhearts]

okay so what if mew *was* goh's first pokemon somehow - it chooses to stick around him for reasons unknown after that first time they meet, maybe he doesn't necessarily catch it but it humors him and listens to his commands for the most part. i'm thinking so hard about what Being Chosen By Mew At Six Years Old would do to his ego

OH MY GOD WHAT I LOVE THIS!!! THIS CONCEPT IS LIVING RENT-FREE IN MY BRAIN NOW

((ok tangentially before i get into this i just want to say in the deep lost osa pokemon au i haven't actually worked on in forever, this is exactly what happens to poseidon LMAO mew is my chaos analog so enter: 12 year old boy and his mythical drama cat dealing psychic damage to everyone within a ten-mile radius of them. mew is such a little shit of a pokemon so like. theres that))

anyway. GOH.........actually, i do think obviously this would over-inflate his ego quite a bit. but at the same time, i think it's important to consider that like...goh's confidence is a projection. he's incredibly insecure, and all of that has to do with his lack of relationships. if he were chosen by mew at a young age - and mew being a little chaos-wreaking jokester, too - would probably only make things harder for him. i don't think his friendship with chloe would survive it and i think that would mess him up in a lot of ways because on a deep, very human level like. of course he cares about her more than he cares about mew. but on the psychological level of someone with such a deep Need to be Special, i don't think it's something he could turn away from.

so in like this weird, complicated way - i think he would resent mew a bit? like this is a lot of pressure put on him suddenly! sure, mew listens to him for the most part, but it's also an incredibly powerful pokemon that likes to play practical jokes and sometimes takes it too far. goh is a kid who can't seem to connect with people. in canon, he blames other people for leaving him, because they think they're better than him or whatever. but on a deeper level, i think he has some awareness that it's something about him (i say this because in his relationship with ash, their arguments really centre around things that ash does "wrong" that goh caused himself, or otherwise also did "wrong" - especially their last big argument, where he had this idea of leaving and he was upset with ash for saying it first. because ash doesn't get to leave him. it has to be on his terms - i really don't think he's upset at ash's decision simply because he's afraid of being abandoned. i think he's upset more because he's been feeling Complicated about his own choice but it's such an easy decision for ash to make. if that makes sense? and it's the same thing at the beginning of jn, with the ivysaur. he's angry at ash for not listening to him, he's annoyed because ash is ignoring the fact that pokemon need to be able to do things for themselves. he's angry about this because if a person can help pokemon, a group of creatures he identifies STRONGLY with in lieu of like, actual human relationships lmao, then that means people can also help Him, but they don't. and he justifies this as needing agency more than he needs help. in 90% of their conflicts, ash did literally nothing lmao. i think goh knows this intrinsically). in this case, i think it'd be a little more complicated? like...undeniably, mew is at fault for the fact that people don't talk to him. and it's not just thinking he's weird or anything - they'd probably be a bit afraid of him.

so what would he do? he'd rationalize it of course and make it into a "good" thing. i.e. to deal with feeling like everyone is fucking terrified of him and his crazy pink monstrosity, he'd tell himself they're jealous, or in awe, of him. jealous, especially, with chloe i think. it would be a huge disconnect between them. it makes zero sense. she doesn't even want a pokemon - why would she be jealous? i actually think they'd become...pretty bitter enemies, lmao. but at the same time, professor cerise would absolutely not be ok with goh just. secreting mew away. a) that's a child whose parents are notoriously Not Around Much and b) that's a mythical pokemon that has not been very studied at all, really. so i do think that he would try to establish a connection with goh because well...that's his daughter's best friend and he knows the reason she's acting like she hates him so much is really because she feels hurt and upset at the fact that he's not really being a good friend to her, and also like. it'd be very clear that the pressure of looking after a mythical pokemon is way too much for a kid to deal with. even one who is as well-researched and "prepared" as goh (spoiler: he is not really prepared at all LMAO, he just thinks he is).

so the situation is kind of like...chloe has this extra layer of Issue with her dad because he wants to help goh even though he was a huge jerk to her and cerise knows that, but at the same time goh is even more isolated than in canon. in fact, he's probably of the opinion he doesn't Need friends because he has mew. mew is his friend and that's all that matters. does mew protect him? honestly, maybe. he's got Big Feelings and mew is a psychic-type, so it probably reacts to them on some level. that's a good reason for his peers to fear him (is he allowed to have a pokemon at school? probably not - so that would be why he'd just stop showing up LMAO). on the other hand, i actually think his parents would worry about him less because they think he seems very happy AND he's got a playmate who hangs out with him all the time and seems to look after him. they are not involved enough in his life to see that it's cause significant rifts between him and other people his age, and since he's on email terms with professor cerise, they probably never even find out that he and chloe aren't friends anymore.

all in all - he would be a whole different flavour of insecure, with the added bonus of like...he achieved something so great, but he actually isn't happy about his achievement because in many ways, it's making him miserable. he doesn't want to blame mew, even though he knows mew is to blame. idk if it's possible for him to become more cynical, but he probably would somehow.

i doubt he'd have a fateful lugia encounted with ash à la canon, but they could still meet in similar circumstances. maybe when cerise opens his lab, research done on mew would be like...something he specifically mentions. since ash was invited by professor oak to check it out, he'd meet the trainer who "caught" mew - and they would absolutely get into it beacuse goh would be crazy protective of his role as mew's Person, but lets be real...mew would take a real shine to ash LMAO. in a way, they might actually have more in common, except ironically ash is like undeniably Chosen One MaterialTM and absolutely refuses to claim the title becaue he's content being Just Some Guy (but who is nonetheless epic in a pokemon battle), meanwhile goh has the chosen one complex without...really being much of a chosen one. he would have to realize that he doesn't Have to be special, and that he can have both a relationship with a pokemon like mew AND with people, but he's got to be like. more aware of the fact that mew doesn't listen to him out of genuine affection and respect - and that's something he has to work to earn from it, in order to be listened to by it. i cannot think of anyone more equipped to help him learn that particular lesson than ash and pikachu tbh!

anyway yeah this would change a lot of things - it's worth noting that meeting mew for the first time was what kickstarted his obsession, so if mew stuck by him from that moment on, his obsessing would be of a very different flavour. at the end of the day though...he's still an insecure obsessive know-it-all (AFFECTIONATE. EXTREMELY AFFECTIONATE) so he'd probably still hole himself up in his room for research just as much as before, lol

[maxtothemax]

okay i'm reading something for my literary theory class rn and it's giving me Thoughts about why the passage of time in max ride is so fucking jarring. i don't think that what i'm about to say is anything that others haven't pointed out about MR before, but i do think that it situates james patterson's writing within a larger literary tradition, SO!

the russian literary scholar mikhail bakhtin uses this term called "adventure-time" (i know, bear with me) to describe a particular style of time passage in novels (particularly in the genre of the greek romance, but it's applicable elsewhere). basically, adventure-time is a form of story-time outside of the "realistic" passage of time, where a bunch of different things happen to the characters that 1) have no impact on their character development, and 2) would realistically take up the duration of years in their life, but by the end of the story, the characters basically haven't aged. a good modern example of this concept is pokemon: ash ketchum has been ten years old for 20+ years, but because the story of pokemon takes place in "adventure-time," he experiences several lifetimes' worth of adventures and never ages.

similarly, maximum ride seems to take place in adventure-time. over the course of nine books, max and the flock only age roughly about one year. their adventures happen in this compressed story timeframe that has no relation to real-world time. others have noticed this; it's not a particularly new thought. adventure-time isn't uncommon in literature, though - these days, a good number of stories for kids in particular take place with this kind of nebulous time-frame (see again: pokemon). since it dates back to greek antiquity, it's a common way to conceptualize story-time.

HOWEVER. another attribute of adventure-time, as it's used in the greek romance, is that it lacks any references to real historical time. basically, any greek romance should be able to be read as though it's taking place in the reader's time, even if it was written 300 years earlier. nothing should jar the reader out of the sense that the story is taking place in adventure-time. (this used to be a lot more common in storytelling, and i feel like it's fallen out of favor because of the specificity of technology in different eras these days - it's hard to write a story now with any technology that feels truly timeless, but i digress.)

as others have pointed out, max's narration mentions markers of time and pop culture references that date the books very specifically. for example, in the second book (published around 2006), ari steals a gameboy from a department store; then, in the 7th (?) book, it mentions that it's 2010, but the flock have only aged about one year since the beginning of the series. by 2010, you likely wouldn't be able to buy a gameboy in a department store, and those are the types of chronological dissonances that readers absolutely latch onto (see: the entire history of the maximum ride fandom).

SO BASICALLY: maximum ride is doing this really weird thing where it's trying to take place in adventure-time (which requires readers to not think too hard about the passage of time), while also inserting very specific references that almost force readers to think about chronological time. if these specific references were taken out, i'd bet that readers would have an easier time excusing the sheer amount of events that supposedly take place within a single year of the flock's life, because nothing in the narration itself would prompt them to think about it.

anyway. james patterson doesn't understand adventure-time. thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[shitserenastanssay3]

@shitirishaterssay aka Leah Heddington:"It costs zero dollars not to harass people. OR spread private information on them. It's called "being a decent person"."

It now costs 233+ billion dollars for me to stop coming after you for good. Admitting that rabid XY haters targeted XY fans first since 2013 however, in your own words, costs zero dollars. Sorry not everyone loves your waifu iris and that you completely tolerate bullying like I suspected all along. Logically speaking, you tolerated my bullying to you. I'm gonna call myself Iris from now on, same with all of her name in other languages even if most of them are the same according to bulbapedia so I'm gonna bully all the inexperienced people.

*i'm not toxic btw (you always were from the day you made the account) *you have that covered (see the first one) *now leave me the fuck alone (No I will never leave you alone anymore. until you or anyone else admits that rabid xy haters attacked xy fans first, i will continue this until i'm old, gray and even in a retirement home i'll still continue, even in my death bed. i promise you here and now that's the case.) *if they had valid criticisms about iris i'd be fine with that (they always existed, no exceptions. No one cares about your fake racism, misogyny, sexism, so on and so forth) *but it's always “bawww she called ash a kid!” (next time, never give a fucking brat 32 game badges, 4 orange league, 7 frontier symbols and let him catch 59 Pokemon prior to BW and retcon the shit out of it at the beginning of BW. Even the TRio mentioned their previous Pokemon which is safe to say they're unironically the true main protagonists. By now it's like the Palestine genocide which if there are Pokemon fans there, they deserve to die bcs of everything in a span of a decade and by now, includes family and friends even if they're not pokemon fans. that's what it feels like killing off all of Ash's achievements and I'm glad XY even happened as it's karma for bashing anyone who is completely different than you.) *though good on you for admitting you're a vicious violent bully with zero redeeming qualities who would assault someone irl (I guess I'm Iris then. I can't wait to bully people bcs they're inexperienced) *i shouldn't have posted my paypal. that was dumb. (that was your own fault.) *but it's also not hard to just be a good person? which is clearly a foreign concept to you. (If you really wanted me to be a "Good person" which from now on I've decided to label as "think exactly like you" now and forever, I guess I'm a drone. As for XY, it's perfect the way it is and you've fully inspired me to ignore all their flaws from now on.)

--

"I'm okay, though I'm trying to be careful. I've considered going to the cops, though I don't know what his current blog is. That and I don't want to admit I was dumb enough to link my paypal, even if that particular post has been deleted".

Do it! I dare you to call the cops, even the FBI. I'm actually challenging you to do this. Same goes for anyone else coming across this!

--

"Holy shit, this lunatic just won't give up. I'd seriously consider taking this to the police if it continues. Block evading, harassment and stalking. All over a fucking kids show, Jesus Christ, what is wrong with this freak?? Legitimately, are you ok? I've been a fan of this blog for a few months and it's upsetting to see you get this sort of unhinged lunatic bothering you over and over."

No one admitted that rabid XY haters attacked XY fans, myself included for 10 fucking years!!! I will never admit that Pokemon is a kids show. It's now an adult show, made for true fans like me. What do I know, you know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about that era at all. I have no reason to give up now so enjoy having me do this until we're all old. @sugar-pink-poison

[wild-ditto-appeared]

ooc: hey guys I'm making a comic based on my character ocs. tbh I was inspired by the Generic Y Protagonist Trainer comics (I forget who made them but I will edit this post as soon as I look it up and link you to their tumblr without tagging them) because I realized their concept for their character was similar to my Legends: Arceus AU for these characters and I just kinda felt validated, even if it's a bit redundant. I dunno if I really wanna make it go as long as they did--it'd be really cool if I did tho-- and I'm not very experienced in the art of comic-making, even if I'm decent enough at making art for being self-taught.

I usually prefer to write about more complicated things like this, but this is good practice for me, plus it's already helped me learn how to use ProCreate a bit better. I'll write a summary about it down here and you guys can let me know if you want me to post the comic. I'll be posting it on @sylviareviar, my main account, since this account is solely dedicated to Ditto.

EDIT: The artist for Generic Y Protagonist is: oceandiagonale

---

So, first and foremost, there are three protagonists, not just one. The way Legends: Arceus starts, it leaves it up to your imagination whether Arceus dragged a kid out of their modern lifestyle into Hisui or they created a kid based around the people of the world of the future and modeled them around them, so that they could bring about revolutionary ideas to the world of the past, which seems to be in trouble.

I decided to sort of combine those two. I have modern verses for these characters--one of whom I used to consider my self-insert until I managed to develop her a bit more and she began sort of building up a personality somewhat separate from mine--and they are a family. Anyone who may have been here when this account was a RP account for these characters might recognize them, though I doubt it since I don't talk about them much, mostly because most people don't really like self-inserts (which is fair of them, but also pretty disheartening for me :') )

The way the story's developing--and I'm making all this up on the spot based on the concept I had--it seems to be starting out with the oldest sibling, not my self-insert character, which I think is interesting.

Basically, all three of them were made at the same time to be copies of existing Trainers in present-day Sinnoh: Jack, Sylvia, and Lucy Reviar. They have been given a single mission: Seek out all Pokemon. I've decided that's what this comic will be called, too. Comic/fic, I mean.

In SOAP--oh god I never tried to make this an acronym until now and it's fucking soap-- In SOAP, the story begins with Jack, who was one of three shooting stars that shot out from the rift above Mt. Coronet. He is, unlike the protagonist in the games, severely injured and looks like he nearly drowned until he washed up ashore. Professor Laventon takes him in and gets him medical assistance with the help of his Pokemon.

When he awakes, he will have no memories, no nothing, but the clothes on his back and his Arc-Phone. And the Cyndaquil that claimed him because he was cold and she refused to leave. The concept is similar to Generic's spontaneous "existence" instead of his birthday, except that Jack doesn't really "know" anything so much as he knows things. I guess the best way to describe it would be mind versus heart. He knows things by instinct, but can't explain them. His mission is to seek out all Pokemon, but he doesn't know why or how, and he's thrown into the Galaxy Expedition Team when he is disoriented, confused, and barely remembers how to even use his vocal cords (though he will find them eventually).

I have a few ideas about his scattered sisters in the region, but all I can really say right now without giving away the whole story is that he knows he has two missing links--his sisters--and doesn't know where to find either of them. They all also have scattered memories of their "present" selves, the ones that grew up and lived in Sinnoh their whole lives, but I should stress they are copies of those original Trainers. They share their names, faces, bodies, etc. but they are not the same Trainers with the same experiences. Arceus (and in this case, I) are just not creative.

My headcanons aren't the same as the ones used in Generic's world, and my version takes much more inspiration from the anime than the game worlds, but I won't deny that there's a lot of inspiration happening here. I just hope it's different enough--or at least, as different as a story as specific as PL:A allows, especially if I want to focus on three different protagonists at the same time.

My art style might be inconsistent and I might not depict things as well as I'd like, so sometimes I might just write ficlets under the artwork to try and make it make more sense. If any of you guys are interested, please let me know. If not, I can just continue working on this by myself.

[supercasey]

So I've been playing The Hades Game like fucking mad for the last few weeks, and although I'm not very far in it (at least, I don’t think I am; I’ve only beat Hades once!), I'm absolutely in love with it! Anyways, a certain idea has been kicking around in my head for awhile now, so I thought I'd share it with y'all; feel free to tell me what you think of it! (Warning: spoilers for when you beat Hades the first time!)

Anyways, I've already seen a really cool AU post for if Demeter raised Zagreus on the surface by herself (which you can find HERE; please check it out, the outfit for Zag alone is an amazing concept, and I love the artwork!!!) but I keep thinking about an AU where, after Zagreus dies at birth, Persephone runs away and takes his wrapped up body with her.

On the surface, she reconnects/reunites with her mother Demeter, and with her aid, the two of them manage to resurrect the newborn baby, though now he has more white in his hair than anything else. After that, Persephone sends Hades a letter to tell him that Zagreus is alive and well (because she actually has some fucking class), before proceeding to raise Zagreus on the surface with her mother, far away from the entrance to hell. The Olympians also help her out a bit, but mostly they just help by hiding Zagreus when it’s necessary.

(The rest is under a cut ‘cus this got a bit long, sorry!)

Years pass in relative peace, until Zagreus is about as old as he is in-game (I think he’s around 20-25ish???) and is living well, working with his mom and grandma to take care of their gardens and live peacefully away from mankind; he especially loves tending to the animals and guiding lost mortals to safety. However, one day while foraging for fruit in the deepest corners of his mother’s signature garden, Zagreus happens across a strange man in long robes, who introduces himself as Thanatos.

The two men get along swimmingly from minute one, and after agreeing to meet with each other again soon, they leave and tell their families/friends all about the experience, having no clue who they are to each other. After all, Thanatos was told growing up that his lord’s first wife died giving birth to their first and only child, who was a stillborn, and Zagreus thinks his father died of disease (his mom didn’t have to heart to tell him anything bad about his dad). Needless to say, they’re gonna be in for quite the shock soon.

Cue Hades losing his shit and calling on Thanatos, Megaera, and Achilles to go find his progeny and bring him home; he gives them special permission to leave the Underworld without any resistance, trusting Than to lead the way back to Zagreus. Achilles is less than thrilled to be performing such a morally grey task for his master, but Meg and Than are eager to prove themselves, so he begrudgingly agrees to help, even if it hurts his conscience to do so.

Persephone and Demeter also freak the hell out on their end, scared shitless by the fact that Death incarnate has just met their son/grandson, and they’re worried that he plans on coming back again soon. Demeter suggests sending Zagreus to live with the Olympians until this all blows over, but Persephone disagrees, wanting her son to stay nearby in case he grows ill (it’s implied that she’s a bit overprotective of him, mostly because she’s afraid of him dying again; this also means she refuses to let him know that he’s in any danger, believing it would only make things worse for him in the long-run). Frustrated but understanding her daughter’s pain all too well, Demeter at least convinces her to call on the Olympians for aid, which Persephone agrees to do.

The gods promise to help of course, but... well, they're low-key lying; they wanna see how this plays out first.

After several days of traveling through hell (literally), the “let’s kidnap Zagreus” gang makes it to the surface, and they immediately head to Persephone’s garden. All this time, Zagreus has no idea that he’s being targeted, so he goes about his chores as usual, only to run into Than again, and hey, he brought some more friends for him to meet! Zagreus is friendly with all of them, being raised to be very polite by his guardians, and while he’s busy chatting with Than and Achilles, he doesn’t notice Meg sneaking behind him. Just as Zagreus is rattling on about how the animals have been faring this summer, Meg stabs Zagreus in the back with a blade coated in Hades’s blood, cursing him to belong to the Underworld again.

With Zagreus now unconscious from a sedative that was mixed with the blood, the trio hurry off with him back to the Underworld, but not without Persephone seeing what they’ve done to her son. Horrified, she begins to sob, and winter arrives in the mortal world without so much as a fall season in-between this and the summertime.

When Zagreus comes to, he finds himself in a bedroom similar to the one he has in the game, but it’s much cleaner and has less objects of personal value to him. Hades is standing at the foot of his bed when he wakes up, and very calmly, Hades tells Zagreus that he’s his father, and that from now on, Zagreus will be living in the Underworld with him and his people, where he so obviously belongs. It’s a shame his mother can’t be here, of course, but they just need to wait awhile, that’s all; surely she’ll come to her senses and return home soon, now that her husband and son are here.

Zagreus jumps out of bed and faces his father as soon as he’s done monologuing, ready to tell him off for what he’s done, but to his shock, Hades hugs him as soon as he’s on his feet, and admits that he’s waited for this day for a long, long time. He asks his son to please just accept that this is his home now, and despite still being a bit surprised (and subtly hugging Hades back because Longing), Zagreus tells him straight up that he can’t, that he has to get home, especially with winter coming in a few months!

Dejected but not overly surprised, Hades simply nods in acceptance, but he still warns Zagreus that it’s no use trying to fight it; he’s stuck here, now and forever, so he may as well get comfortable and try getting along with him, because no one’s going anywhere anytime soon. Zagreus is horrified, but he nods nonetheless, unsure of what to say or do just yet.

Later that night, as Zagreus is struggling to sleep in this new, unfamiliar place, Achilles comes to him and apologizes about what’s happened, and although he can’t magically fix everything for him, he tells Zagreus that it actually is supposedly possible to escape; it’s just that no one’s ever done it before. Driven by his desire for freedom and the thought of reuniting with his mother, Zagreus tells Achilles that he’s going to find a way out, no matter the cost. Achilles congratulates him on his tenacity, but warns him that it won’t be easy. Still, he’s willing to help Zagreus as much as he can.

From then on, I imagine the game playing out very differently from the original, with a rather frazzled and scared Zagreus trying to get home to his mom and grandma, but with none of his training from Achilles in this AU, he has to rely on something his mother taught him; his connection with earth and all it’s inhabitants. Or, in his case, his connection with the spirits of animals (a cross of his dad and mom’s powers). That’s right, I’m making The Hades Game into a fucking Pokemon-ripoff, but still with some rouge-like elements mixed in (mostly with Zagreus not keeping his animals after runs).

Having royally fucked up in not stepping in sooner to protect Zagreus, the gods end up helping him out by sending down animals associated with them for the young god to tame for a run (I’ll come up with them later). They usually offer a selection to choose from, and from there Zagreus can build up a team and use it to try and escape the Underworld.

To replace weapons, I like to think he’d have “signature” animals that can help him out for any of his runs, specifically ones from Achilles, Poseidon, Zeus, Demeter (once he reaches the surface at least once), and eventually even Hades gives him one if they bond together enough ((yes, it’s Cerberus... kinda; it’s a puppy version of him, otherwise he’d be OP as fuck)). Zagreus’s signature animals can all be given names, and they keep certain skills that they pick up through enough experience battling in the Underworld for Zagreus.

As for story-line stuff, Zagreus ends up in a very fish out of water situation as he tries to get to know everyone in Hades’s house (he’s still our kindhearted Zag, after all, and he knows most of them aren’t to blame, not even really Than!) while also focusing on his goal to get home to his mom. Hades ends up being a lot nicer to him in this AU, perhaps overly so, as he’s trying to make his son like him more in order to make up for lost time (and fill the hole in his heart that Zag’s initial death as an infant and Persephone leaving with him created). It’s part of the reason he’s even letting Zagreus try to escape; he wants him to learn that it won’t work on his own terms (and maybe also scare the kid so bad that he comes running to him for comfort afterwards).

Also, I should really note that Zagreus is 100% a sweet country farm boy in this AU, and he has no idea what the fuck is going on with pretty much anything in the Underworld, much to everyone’s astonishment. For example:

Meg: Gods, it must be weird getting used to everything down here, huh? Sick of stepping in bat shit yet? Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it, and Dusa’s pretty good about cleaning it up to begin with. Zagreus: I mean, I guess? It’s not that different from chicken shit tbh. Meg: What the fuck is a chicken???

After that... yeah, I dunno. I’ll try playing Hades some more, see if I think up anything else that could be interesting, but for now, I hope at least someone ends up liking this dumb AU (if not, I’ll still like it... might even try my hand at drawing for it a bit tbh). Again, please check out the person who’s post/art I linked earlier in the post, ‘cus their art is really awesome and inspired me to include Demeter more in this AU!

[mayfriend-archive]

Totally understand if you're not up for it and fully recognize the ronald mcdonald dom/sub anon vibes which is an AMAZING post btw but like...now i'm curious, what the hell did Lord of the Flies anon DO that got him blocked for the discourse? like...i just can't wrap my head around high school lit being...uh...that inflammatory i guess?

Okay so, I'll start by saying I've had a new anon from apparently the same anon saying they are NOT the person I blocked, just a rando making the same points, but I'll answer your question anyway just to set out why this person in particular got blocked, out of the several thousand who reblogged/commented on that very successful addition to the LoTF post I made.

First off, I added the 'real life Lord of the Flies' story because I thought it was a good story. I had read about it only a couple days beforehand in Humankind and, after reading out the entire chapter to my parents who weren't very interested, I was excited that there was not only a post where it would be relevant to post, but that I wouldn't be hijacking it, as it was already rejecting the widespread interpretation taught in many schools, that humanity is inherently savage.

When making the addition, I a) did not think it would get more than a couple reblogs, because the post was already at 50k notes and I figured anyone that might be interested would already have seen it, and b) I did not know the very specific context that prompted William Golding to write the book; all I knew was that he had been a teacher at a public school (basically, the poshest schools in the country - think Eton, Harrow, very 'old money' places that pump out Conservative politicians by the bucket-load 🤢) who hated his job and the boys he taught (which, valid), and new information I'd been given in Humankind - that Golding had said to his wife one day, "Wouldn't it be a good idea to write a story about some boys on an island, showing how they would really behave?" - which had no mention of The Coral Island by R. M. Ballantyne, which I have since learned was the text that Golding loathed enough to write an entire novel in refutation of - and included what I considered a very telling letter from Golding to his publisher, in which Golding wrote of his belief that 'even if we start with a clean slate, our nature compels us to make a muck of it.' Another Golding quote that I believe portrays his belief in humanity's 'innate savagery' is that "man produces evil as a bee produces honey."

Obviously, the author of a book putting forward the case for humanity's inherent goodness was going to oppose Golding's hypothesis; Bregman not only noted Golding's literary accomplishments and beliefs, but his personal life.

When I began delving into the author's life, I learned what an unhappy individual he'd been. An alcoholic. Prone to depression. A man who, as a teacher, once divided his pupils into gangs and encouraged them to attack each other. "I have always understood the Nazis," Golding confessed, "because I am of that sort by nature." (Humankind by Rutger Bregman, p. 24-25)

I have bolded the part about him as a teacher, because it is incredibly relevant to the original post that I commented on, which begins with a comic of a teacher locking her class in to see them 'recreate' Lord of the Flies, something which the follow up comments before mine staunchly reject as both misunderstanding the point of the book, and the fact that it took the kids in Lord of the Flies a significant amount of time without adult supervision to go 'savage'. This misreading of the text is widespread enough that when Golding won the Nobel Prize for Lord of the Flies, the Swedish Nobel committee wrote that his book 'illuminate[s] the human condition in the world of today'. Whether or not they misread it is beyond my expertise - they do at least mention the factors of the outside world neglected by many when analysing the book, but still seem to believe it says something about human nature as a whole rather than just, to quote thedarkbutbeige 'British kids being rat bastards' - but Golding quite happily took his Nobel prize on this basis. Which, in fairness, I would too. It's a fucking Nobel prize.

It was with this knowledge, and this knowledge alone, that I stated in my now very, very widely read comment that Golding 'wrote the book to be a dick', in response to the tags of the person I reblogged from. As I said, I now know that Golding did not write the book (solely) because he hated the kids he taught, but as a response to The Coral Island and the general idea that clearly the British were inherently civilsed, whilst the people they colonised and enslaved were inherently savage. So. That's the background.

The anon - or rather, the person I thought was anon - was the sole exception out of dozens of replies, who instead of telling me about The Coral Island politely decided it was time to go ALL CAPS and regurgitate points already made by thespaceshipoftheseus, and implied that the only reason that the real life Tongan castaways didn't go all Lord of the Flies was because they weren't British. Not because they weren't surrounded by violence like the boys in Lord of the Flies, or there wasn't a World War ongoing, or that they weren't the upper, upper, upper crust of a class-obsessed society like Britain - but because they weren't British. A complete inversion of the concept that Golding was trying to get across - now, instead of all of humanity being equally prone to savagery in the right conditions, it was solely nationality that determined it. As in, the British were inherently savage, but nobody else was.

I, trying for humour, made the terrible mistake of replying to them.

I won't lie, I was absolutely blown away that this was real life. What I think they were trying to do was be that Cool Tumblr Person who, after somebody's been shitty on a post, goes to their blog and sees something Damning in their about/description. In an ideal world, I imagine I'd have gone nuts or done something Unforgiveable. In what I can only call the rant that followed, they stated several times that I needed to go back to high school to get some 'proper literary analysis' skills and that the story of the Tongan castaways was completely unrelated to the point at hand which. I mean, I disagree, considering that I made the addition, but I couldn't get my head around how commenting on a post that was already rejecting the thesis that the 'point' of Lord of the Flies was that humanity was inherently savage and was, in fact, about how kids - British or otherwise - learn how to function from the adults around them, and that traumatised, terrified children aren't going to create a mini-Utopia, and put forward a real life example of how without the key additions of an ongoing world war, a colonial Empire and the subsequent mindset of thinking you are 'inherently civilised' and therefore can't do anything wrong, actually, people just want to take care of each other.

A friend has since asked me why I even have 'england' in my description. To be honest, it's a timezone thing - I talk to a lot of people online who don't share my timezone, and it generally makes me feel like if I don't reply immediately because it's 3am, they have the tools to see that I'm not in their timezone and not just ignoring them. I did consider changing it to 'british' or 'uk' after it was... 'used against me', I guess, simply because I didn't want to deal with it, but you know what. No. Not gonna do that. I am from England, and I have never hid that fact. I have a tag called 'uk politics', during Eurovision I refer to the UK's act as 'us' (even if I really, really don't want to. Because James Newman slaughtered that song and it was downright embarrassing), I regularly post stuff in my personal tag about where I live (and mostly complain about this piece of shit government). If people really think my nationality makes every point I make null and void, then they don't have to follow me or interact with my posts; tumblr is big, and I am one medium-small blog very easily passed over.

I did reply to them, trying to explain the above, but their next response really just doubled down. Because I used the word British instead of English - foolishly because the posts above mine focused on Britishness, and also because although Golding was English and taught English kids, the pro-Imperialism author of The Coral Island, R. M. Bannatyne was actually Scottish so, ding ding ding, falls into the 'British' category - they then decided that I was somehow trying to pretend I wasn't English and made all the same points, before ending with this doozy:

At this point, I knew there was nothing to be gained from replying, because if we're whipping out conditions like they're pokemon cards then there's no actual conversation anymore, and I'm not going to start mudslinging like an identity politician. They made up their mind, and I figured there could be no harm in letting them think that they 'won' by blocking them instead of replying.

Until the ask. INNATE ENGLISH SAVAGERY did, I'll admit, make me think it was them, back again. I even thought up a really good response approximately 12 hours after I replied, I was that sure. Until the second message came in, and said they were just someone who came from the post and made the same point by chance. So the saga draws to a close... for now.

It may have been them, it may not have been - the anon feature makes it impossible to be sure, but as the second message I got said, we're in a heatwave. It's too hot to argue. And I've just written a goddamn essay about a book I dislike anyway.

My pasty English ass is going to go melt. If there's Disk Horse, do not tell me. I am Done™

[testingcheatsenabletrue]

I feel that Rasputin would be diagnosed with high-functioning Autism, so him letting us into THAT part of the bunker is an immense sign of trust.

Oh that’s an interesting take! =0 

I’d warn against relating autism to a robot character, since from my understanding that can be insensitive. Though worth saying - I can’t say much else on the topic, because I’m not in a position to do so. I’m not autistic myself, but I know that’s a frequent gripe with my friends who are autistic.

I like to look at it from a programming/development standpoint since that’s been my background and what I’ve been interested in for pretty much my entire life, so I have a foot to stand on when discussing it. It equates well to humans, just there’s always that added factor of unpredictability that comes with the fact that humans are organic creatures and so biological systems lead to unforeseen randomized inputs that influence us in one way or another. But, fundamentally, our minds work almost exactly like computers, and it’s no coincidence because we made computers.

(putting the rest under a read more because I ended up writing for 2 hours on this)

In a more realistic setting, which Destiny can model somewhat, a ‘sentient robot’ would likely be achieved by extensive use of machine learning, which is basically how us as humans develop just we also toss in some gross chemicals to spice things up. Over our lives, we have certain inputs and their respective outputs fed to us and we record them, expecting those inputs to result in those outputs and vice versa in the future, thus allowing us to make more informed decisions should those events arise. The same goes for a computer utilizing machine learning.

In the case of Rasputin, the range of data that Bungie has confirmed he has been fed to develop his sentience is... admittedly very, very small, even though there was a lot of it. And, coming from the background I am, I’m almost 100% certain a lot of his actions that are perceived as ‘diabolical’ are direct results of incomplete data/ignorance (ie. him just straight up not knowing what the fuck would happen) that we are, as humans, interpreting as diabolical because we’re judging him as we would an adult human.

As an example of what I mean:

A parent is at the grocery store with their younger child (think maybe 3 to 4 years old), buying food. They go through the isles and get what they need, go through checkout, pay their bill, then head to the car. As they’re putting the groceries away, they notice the younger child is holding a candy bar. They look at the receipt, and the candy bar is not listed.

Now, you know that what just happened is that the child stole from the store. You know that stealing is bad, and if you were in the parent’s shoes, you would be responsible for their action, and could face consequences due to breaking the law. And so your immediate reaction would be to feel bad about stealing.

The child, however, has no concept of ‘stealing’. They haven’t read a law book, no one has told them about the law, and they don’t know that if you break laws you get in trouble. They are used to being in the house, where they can pick up anything and play with it or eat it or mess with it as they please. In their mind, if they want something, they can take it, because they want it, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Essentially, an older unit (ie. unit with a comparatively larger set of data) is aware that one input (stealing) results in a certain output (getting in trouble with the law) because they have been given that data set to be able to correlate events. The younger unit (ie. unit with a comparatively smaller set of data) is unaware of this phenomenon, as they have yet to experience it or have been told of it.

This does not mean that what the child did was not wrong - it was. However this does mean that the child, after being scolded by their parent, has acquired that datapoint now and will have it as reference. They should then be given the chance to prove that they learned, and will change their behavior.

Same goes for Rasputin, just the stakes are astronomically higher than stealing a 1 dollar candy bar. Whole ass people are at risk here. But you have to take into account that, like the child has only known a world that panders to them and has not learned the boundaries thereof, Rasputin has only known a world that requires him to fight, constantly, to solve every problem he encounters. While he has some semblance of morality, it’s very limited due to his lack of data. He doesn’t know, yet, the boundaries of where the fighting ends and where the rest of the world begins. But it seems like he’s starting to learn where it is, as evidenced by his actions over the past season.

He is, for the first time, learning of a world of kindness (or interpersonal politics, your pick), and the boundaries thereof with the world of violence. He’s doing his best to try and function in it. He’s fucking failing miserably in the most catastrophic ways imaginable but God Damn It He’s Trying, Karen. 

Like, for god’s sake, he’s using war tactics to try and do friends... like bro. No. He’s doing the Warmind equivalent of Scary Kid In The Schoolyard Looming Over Us Threateningly but then being like ‘I like your shirt. Do you like Pokemon? I like Pokemon too. Would you like to see my Pokemon? My favorite Pokemon is Pikachu. I have a lot of them in this save. Its really cool, right? Do you want one? I have a lot, here, have one. It's okay! Don’t worry! I'm not bothered! Can we be friends?’ 

Except the Pokemon are highly dangerous weapons, the save is the secret part of the moon bunker and Tragic Backstories Explained Via Orange Holograms, and the Pikachu is a fucking shotgun and he only has one of them. Which is (like you said) a mind-numbingly huge sign of trust. And That’s Character Development Bay Bee.

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Pokemon, Episodes 1-3

And so we begin our longest journey yet with our first tentative step. Does this show still hold up 20 years later? Is Ash as annoying as you remember? What’s it like to look back on where it all began after marinating in everything it’s become? Welcome, folks, to my adventure through the Pokemon anime!

The Wayback Machine

This is gonna be the weirdest analysis I’ve ever done for this blog.

I am not that familiar with Pokemon as an anime. The most I’ve watched of it has been the movies up to Arceus and the Jewel of Life, as well as pretty much the entire Diamond and Pearl saga. At the same time, though, I am hugely familiar with Pokemon as a cultural phenomenon. I bought all the games from Emerald to Black and White, I dove headfirst into the increasingly dense Pokedex data, and I absolutely fucking loved learning about each and every new critter Game Freak added to the canon. I devoured their stats, their lore, their type advantages, the mythos behind them, what kind of concept they were all based on, the human characters that interacted with them from trainers to villain gangs to gym leaders to Elite Four, and everything in between. I’m familiar with Ash, Misty, Brock, Team Rocket, Officer Jenny, Nurse Joy, Giovanni, Pikachu, Mew, Mewtwo, and all the rest of the original 151 pocket monsters. I love OG Pokemon. I don’t know a single nineties-aughts kid who doesn’t. It really was the perfect toy concept, endlessly merchandisible and utterly ubiquitous. Pokemon was just as much my childhood as everyone else’s, a staple of the young imagination that took root like nothing else.

And now’s the first time I’m actually freaking watching it.

This is the kind of prior expectation setting that no other franchise could possibly hope to match. Pokemon is a giant, massive, multimedia franchise, with trading cards and video games and plushies and everything in between, and it’s entirely possible to get the “story” of Pokemon in its entirety, as it were, without ever having to actually watch the most story-based element of it. I now know pretty much everything there is to know about Pokemon (at least up until Gen 5, after which I lost interest for a while), all the heaps and mountains of context that color what this franchise has become. But this original anime didn’t have all that outsized context. All it had were the initial few games and the barest beginnings of the goliath Pokemon would become. It had to be the bedrock upon which everything else was built, the foundation that would grow into the inescapable tendrils of pop culture that ensnare us today. The kids of twenty years ago didn’t go into Pokemon with decades of cultural expectations built up; they went into it with fresh eyes, discovering an entirely new world, with entirely new characters, being told a story that had to hook them in completely with its own merits. And now, here I am at last, analyzing a marathon right from its starting point when all I’ve ever known of it has been its finish line. How the heck am I even gonna make sense of all those conflicting patterns of thought? It’s almost like I’m gonna be re-watching a series I’m experiencing for the first time.

But you know what? I tackled all 367 episodes of Gintama no matter how many times it left me emotionally broken. I suffered through abominations like Guilty Crown and Future Diary and lived to tell the tale. I re-watched Neon Genesis Evangelion, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, and Angel Beats, three of my top five anime ever, and still found new and exciting things to say about them. This blog has been nothing but me overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds, finding the words to communicate the extreme, indescribable, sometimes incomprehensible feelings anime can leave me with. I am a writer who lets nothing stand in my way. So what’s one more impossible task to complete? What’s another thousand episodes of setting familiar eyes on something I’ve never seen before? If I’ve survived talking about anime as long as I have, then I can survive Pokemon too. Who knows, maybe that dichotomy of past and present experience will make my analysis even richer than it otherwise would have been. After all, there’s something really powerful about standing at the end of a long journey and casting an eye back to where it all began.

So bring it on, Ash Ketchum. You and I both have a long-ass journey ahead of us, so let’s make every step count.

Living in a Pokemon World

So, with all that rambling word salad introduction out of the way, all qualifiers and asterisks set aside, how are the first ever few episodes of Pokemon? Well, they’re good! Very good, even, in some respects! It’s definitely far from perfect, and the product of being cash-cow kids’ show translated by an equally cash-cow marketing team isn’t exactly subtle. The animation isn’t always the best; there’s a particularly goofy moment where instead of animating Pikachu’s thundershock attack, the screen just pinwheel-cycles between four still images of the attack as they rotate around the screen’s corners. Some of the dub voice acting is quite good, while some characters- Gary Oak, Misty, and Officer Jenny- can get seriously grating with how rough-edged their voice-actors are. I’m also taking a little to get used to Ash’s voice, as the only version of Ash I ever heard was after the actor changed in Diamond and Pearl. It’s goofy and corny and very simplistic at times, with characters who can act like insufferable brats in the worst-case scenario. But you know what? I’m still really fucking enjoying it. For all its numerous flaws, it’s driven by a sincere, imaginative passion that really shines through. There are so many charming moments, so many clever touches, and so many ideas that really made me sit back and say, “Wow, no wonder this show caught on like it did.” This isn’t just a cash-in money mill for the profit machine, it’s trying to be a genuinely inspiring, horizon expanding adventure story. And despite how long the road ahead looks, I’m genuinely excited to follow it.

I think what stands out the most is how deeply committed this show is to wringing out every last ounce of potential from its concept. It doesn’t just want you to love Pokemon, it feels like it sincerely loves Pokemon itself. I can only imagine what this must have looked like to the kids of twenty years ago experiencing this world for the first time, not knowing all 151 original Pokemon and seeing everything with fresh eyes. Why is a three-headed bird crowing like a rooster to signal the dawn? Why does Ash’s alarm clock have a face on it and spring open to reveal a bird figure inside? Who are all these mysterious creatures we see Ash running by as he escapes from the murder birds, and what cool powers might they have? What’s that giant fucking water serpent that almost eats his face off? What’s that majestic bird we see flying over the rainbow at the end of the first episode (side note, HOW IS THERE A FUCKING HO-OH IN THE FIRST EPISODE WE’RE NOT IN JOHTO YET ARE YOU SHITTING ME)?  It’s easy to forget with how ubiquitous the brand is now, but the concept of a world populated by hyper-competent super-animals that integrate perfectly into human society is kinda freaking bizarre, yet this show completely sells it. You feel just how much deeply entwined humans and Pokemon have become, how carefully this entire society’s been constructed around their presence. Even that one scene of Caterpie and Pikachu talking in episode 3 was really charming; it’s remarkable how much chemistry you can establish between two characters who can’t even use words. I can only imagine what it must have been like seeing all this for the first time, marveling at the endless possibilities this world would allow. And we’ve only just got into Type advantages and Evolutions; how fucking cool must that have been seeing it for the first time?

And heck, even for a grown-ass adult like me who’s been marinating in this stuff for decades, there’s still stuff here that really sparks my imagination! I love the goofy primitive voice chat that uses corded telephones connected to the computer monitor, the wet dream of communications technology past. I love the bizarre way that actual living beings can be stored and transferred through a network connection at the Pokemon Center. Heck, I’m even intrigued by the mystery of that mural in the Pokemon Center with the four legendary beings depicted on it; at first glance it just seems like the three Legendary Birds, but Ash seems to think one of them’s really Ho-Oh, so is that actually true? And who’s the fourth Arcanine-looking guy in the bottom right? And then there’s the residual angst of seeing Ash break so many of the rules from the video games, which made for more than a few moments of complete expectation readjustment. Seriously, he catches a Caterpie without any damage, he catches a Pidgeotto with just a single Thundershock’s worth of damage, he gets to keep his Pokeballs even after failing a capture with them, and he takes down two trained and dangerous poison Pokemon with a single use of fucking String Shot, and then his Caterpie evolves after just two battles? Somebody get Game Freak on the phone, because they’ve been stiffing us poor players for years while Ash gets to break all the rules. Clearly, even a lot of stuff I think I know can no longer be taken for granted in the wild world of Pokemon.

Gotta Ketchum All

If I’m being honest, though, the most promising aspect of the Pokemon anime isn’t the fascinating of the world itself and all the ways it can incorporate the titular critters into it. Shockingly enough, what gives me the most hope for this anime success is none other than Ash Ketchum himself, the perpetual butt of jokes since 1997. It’s easy to pick on this perpetual ten-year-old for his brash arrogance and how it took him 22 years to actually become a Pokemon Master, but I was stunned by how quickly he wormed his way into my heart here. Sure, he’s definitely reckless and a little too proud of himself, but what sticks out the most about him is just how committed he is to doing the right thing. He’s gotten so much shit thrown at him already, between oversleeping, Gary’s jackassery, Pikachu’s initial disdain for him, and his constant bickering with Misty, not to mention a certain trio of Poke-nappers gunning for his new companion. But for all his exasperation and attitude, he consistently tries to do right by the people around him. When Gary’s giving him sass in the first episode, Ash still tries to make friends with him over their shared love of Pokemon, eager to hear about which one Gary got from the professor. When Pikachu’s refusing to obey him, he does his best to listen to its demands and give him free reign instead of confining to for a Pokeball. And even after bristing against Pikachu’s stubbornness, he doesn’t hesitate a second to throw his own life on the line to keep his new pal safe from the attacking Spearow flock. Ash is the kind of guy who can easily bitch and moan about his misfortunes, but when the chips are down, he’ll quickly step up and make the right call, because his heart’s genuinely in the right place.

In short, Ash Ketchum is one part the animal-loving softie of Steve Irwin, one part the prickly defensiveness of Yusuke Yurameshi, and one part the wanderlust-driven traveler Gon Freecs (side note, when did Hunter x Hunter start in comparison to the Pokemon anime? Because the whole concept of a shonen protagonist kid setting off on an adventure across a modern, yet undiscovered world, chasing the profession that his absent father once performed... yeah, I got questions, Togashi), and that combination makes for a surprisingly fun protagonist to be around. He’s driven by a genuine love of Pokemon, and it’s clear he has great respect and admiration for the many remarkable critters he comes across. When Misty’s freaking out over his Caterpie, he doesn’t hesitate to comfort the poor guy and give it the encouragement it needs. He’d even let it travel on his shoulder alongside Pikachu, because that’s how quickly he’s come around to the idea of treating Pokemon with kindness and respect. Heck, when Caterpie’s crawling off in a huff, he even crawls right alongside it rather than just spend five seconds getting out of his damn sleeping bag. This kid might be a few good multiple choice answers short of an SAT, but he’s ready and willing to jump right into the thick of things, mess up however he has to, and keep on trucking until he finds the right way forward. If nothing else, you really gotta respect that gumption.

To Protect the World

And now, folks, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the moment when the true stars of the show take their first bow. Drum roll, please!

*ahem*

To protect the world from devastation!

To unite all peoples within out nation!

To denounce the evils of truth and love!

To extend out reach to the stars above!

Jessie!

James!

Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!

Surrender now or prepare to fight!

(Meowth, that’s right!)

Christ, is there a single more iconic villain motto in any other anime? In any piece of media ever? Heck, is there a more perfect villain introduction than these three hooligans using a fishhook to snatch their own wanted poster from the comfort of a hot air balloon emblazoned with their head honcho’s face, only to complain that their photos aren’t flattering enough? You tell me, because I’m not seeing one.

There’s no getting around it folks; there is no set of fictional antagonists quite like Team Rocket. Jessie, James and their talking Meowth are the stuff of villain legend, some of the most perpetually entertaining foes ever to grace the silver screen. And even with just two appearances under their belt, I completely understand why they exploded in popularity to such an extent: they are an absolute delight. They’re all the pomp and circumstance of villainy mixed with the buffoonish incompetence of the Three Stooges, masters of showmanship and grace but complete morons at actually, y’know, being evil. So they’re able to be as enjoyable over-the-top as the best scenery chewers without any of the associated sense of danger that more competent villains give off, and the result is possibly the single most perfect villainous banter and chemistry of all time. You get all the enjoyment of the villainous flamboyance with none of the associated risk, because these lunkheads can barely go two seconds without descending into infighting. There the rarest of all treasures, some of only few villains who you’re capable of loving unconditionally, even rooting for their success safe in the knowledge that they’ll never cause any actual harm. Bottom line, I’m already enjoying the hell out of them, and I look forward to many more happy blast-offs to come.

Odds and Ends

-Yep, that theme song is still killer.

-asdjhasd I didn’t expect it to start with the freaking game graphics

-WHY DOES HE HAVE CHEELREADERS ISTG GARY

-”The early bird gets the worm. Or in this case, the Pokemon.” Wow, Professor Oak really let him open all those empty pokeballs instead of just telling him up front. ASSHOLE.

-”Shocking, isn’t it?” PUNS? That settles is, Professor Oak is the real villain of the series.

-”Oh, you’re playing catch! You’re friends already!” Ash’s mom is a delight.

-”Enjoy your last moments of freedom!” Don’t think about it too hard don’t think about it too hard don’t think about

-”It also comes to open fields to steal food from stupid travelers.” WOW, way to call him out, Pokedex.

-”I’ll give it back someday!” Ash Ketchum, Kanto’s Most Wanted.

-I. I forgot about the Pokerap. Why is there a Pokerap. WHY.

-”You know there’s a driveway.” The way Nurse Joy says this, it makes me think Officer Jenny must barge in through the front doors a lot. Hmmm. Hmmmmmm.

-”Oh my goodness, I left my motorcycle parked at the front desk!” ...fuck it, I ship it. JennyJoy for life.

-”I suppose that proves it!” Oak continues to be the most chaotic presence in this entire show.

-”Well... money isn’t everything, right?” akjsdhaskjdhaskjdhaskjdh

-”Mmm, anchovy, spinach and pineapple pizza!” Out of all the surprises I was expecting from the Pokemon anime, Professor Oak being the secret evil mastermind was not one of them, yet here we are.

-Okay, so some of the Pokemon’s voice actors are putting in a lot of effort to sound like animals, and then there’s Goldeen. Just... Goldeen.

-Ash Commits Domestic Terrorism(tm)

-”No, not this again!” He’s already sick of their intro askjdhasjkdhasd

Hot damn, here we go. Still over 1,000 episodes to go. Can we make it? Only one way to find out. Thank you all for joining me on this new adventure, and I’ll see you next time!

[angrylizardjacket]

eyes on the horizon {Ben Hardy/Reader/Roger Taylor}

Summary: The reader’s pregnant; she knows she has to tell Ben and Roger eventually.

A/N: 1447 words. Discussions of the concept of pregnancy and pregnant!reader. (pokemon kids voice) What’s That Genre?! It’s [redacted].maybe fluff idk, a little drama, a little angst, have fun?? i lost the original prompt. i also have a few more ideas for pieces surrounding this (including an angst one which im a bit obsessed with omg) i’m also not too crash hot on the quality of this one so feedback would be appreciated!

From the moment you find out, you feel like you can hear a clock ticking. Perhaps it’s counting down; counting down as you wait in line at the drug store checkout after waking up nauseous for the fifth day in a row; counting down the two minutes you have to wait for that infuriating little piece of plastic to give you potentially life changing results. Roger complains sometimes about the world being too fast nowadays, too efficient, and the two minutes is up and a second blue plastic line appears, winding you though you’d been expecting it, you think, in some strange way, he might be right. Most likely, you think, it’s counting the seconds until you’re pretty sure your world’s going to change forever, and you might just lose two of the people you care most about.

The clock ticks loudest when you’re with them, when you’re watching Netflix together and Roger’s draped himself across both of you and you’re running your fingers through his hair. He smiles up at you, booping your nose as the next episode loads, and your answering smile is tight. The show’s theme song is playing before he can really worry about it. 

It ticks when you’re sitting across from Ben at the table, and you’re both still in your pyjamas, he’s eating a banana and you’re nursing a coffee, and he catches you looking through him, rather than looking at him, focused on your own thoughts. He asks you what’s wrong, confused, even a little concerned; you’d been acting weird for almost a week now and he hadn’t wanted to push but-

But ‘it’s nothing, I’m fine’ comes more easily to you than the truth.

He leaves for his set, and you leave for yours, and Roger’s still asleep but there’s a fifty-fifty chance he’ll show up at around lunch at either one of your shoots, but part of you hopes he’ll spend the day with Ben if he does.

Things are going so well right now, and it’s the only thought in your mind when you’re waiting for your name to be called by the barista currently making the director’s coffee order. The rush of steam, the clinking of mugs, and the chatter of patrons makes a beat in your mind to the ticking only you can hear. You tap your foot in time to it, trying to talk yourself out of the conversation you knew you were going to have soon.

They both know you’re sick in the mornings, that nausea sometimes just hits you out of nowhere, that you definitely shouldn’t be working, but you’re claiming illness for the first part, quarantining yourself to the sofa, and it helps that your anxiety eases if they’re avoiding you just a little, to stay healthy; you claim capitalism as to why you keep working.

When you lie, tell them that you’re feeling better, that you’re getting over whatever was ailing you, Ben suggests a weekend away, away from the flat, away from the paparazzi, just away, another town for three days. Though of course hesitant, you can’t say no to him.

And you’d always favoured long car rides for uncomfortable conversations. You’re pretty sure it’s because the driver can’t look at you for too long, it makes you less anxious. 

“So, hypothetically,” you began, worrying your bottom lip as you fix your gaze on the lights of the highway passing you by. Everyone’s a little tired, a little tense; it’s been a long week since you’d taken those three different pregnancy tests in the bathroom of the mall. By now, both men were well aware there was something you weren’t telling them.

“Hypothetically,” though it’s technically an agreement, you can tell Ben’s already unconvinced. By Roger’s hum alone you can hear his scepticism. After a moment of silence, apart from the hum of the car, you realise the ticking’s stopped; now or never.

“Do you guys, like, think about the future?” You ask, carefully casual; to no-one’s surprise, Roger’s the first to chime in.

“Obviously; I’m living some science-fiction fantasy, love, this is the future.” He snorted, but he just seemed amused more than anything, still unsure about how this led back to your mood from earlier.

“I don’t think that’s what she meant.” Ben said quietly, and you made a noise of agreement in the back of your throat. “About... about our future?” Ben’s watching the road, but his gaze on the steering wheel is white-knuckled; he’s already jumped to a million different conclusions, all of them leading to you breaking up with them in this car on this highway.

“The three of us.” You agreed easily, fidgeting and looking out the window.

“I figured we’d just see where it leads; why worry?” Roger says, surprisingly flippant, though he too seems to be slightly on edge, drawing similar conclusions to Ben. Which, at the time, you didn’t realise, far too stuck in your own head to notice their own anxieties.

“Well what if we had to?” You begin, but your eyes widen as you think about what you’d just said, how it sounded, and you finally read the atmosphere; “not worry, not really, just think about the future, that is.”

“You know we love you, right?” Ben’s voice is surprisingly soft, even a little desperate. Something about it, however, eases that quiet anxiety in your chest that you had been trying to ignore.

“Do you guys think about our future?” You ask, and in the silence that follows, Ben pulls off to the side of the road. When the car comes to a stop the three of you are plunged into almost total silence, and somehow this is the single most claustrophobic moment of your life. “I do. I have to.” You admit, and your next words are spoken softly; “I’m pregnant.”

It seems you’ve broken both of them; Ben looks winded and Roger just keeps blinking, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“You sure?” He finally asks. There’s that fear in your heart again, that anxiety, and tears in your eyes as you refuse to look at them, nodding quickly. You’d been so fucking afraid that they’d react badly, and you can feel your heart shattering just a little more-

“Holy shit are we gonna be parents?” Ben’s a little breathless, and sounds absolutely delighted at the prospect. “Like seriously, this isn’t a joke or anything, is it?” 

“Does it sound like a damn joke?” You snap, reeling from the whiplash of the reactions, but when you look at them, both boys are practically bursting at the seams with excitement. Roger practically launching himself over the centre console to hug you, and when he finally wiggles his whole way through and is sitting with you in the back, you’re shaking, wrapped up with him, pressing your lips to his shoulder. It takes you feeling cool air on your back to realise Ben’s gotten out of the driver’s seat to join the two of you. He’s laughing, almost disbelieving, and he kisses Roger’s cheek before wrapping his arms around your stomach, solid and reassuring at your back.

“Holy shit.” Ben murmurs, and you feel Roger laugh. It makes you smile, makes you feel safe in ways you hadn’t realised you’d needed.

“I know!” He crowed, giving you a little squeeze, and it’s enough to snap you out of your shock to let out a giggle. “God, we’ve gotta think about so much- why are their heads so soft?” Roger squints as he babbles, mostly coherent, still hugging you, his arms trapped between you and Ben where the other blonde refuses to let either of you go.

“That’s the first question you have?” Ben asks, and Roger hums thoughtfully, before immediately voicing his next thought.

“No; do we know which of us is the official dad?” He’s blunt about it, and despite the situation, the topic, and your very arrangement, you find yourself blushing as you finally sit up and admit that you don’t. After a beat of awkwardness, Ben rests his chin on your shoulder, the two of you watching Roger as he considered the situation.

“Does it matter?” He asked, and Roger’s face split into a grin.

“Not really.” 

Of course there’s so much to discuss; a movie star, a time-travelling drummer, and a personal assistant? There’s a lot that needs to be worked out, to be considered and talked about between the three of you, and you know it’s going to be hard, that it’s going to take work. You’re willing to put in that work. You’re all willing to put in that work. But for tonight, the three of you are content to celebrate; the future can wait a little while longer.

[riddlerosehearts]

okay, so. i’ve now officially finished the postgame story of swsh and that means i’ve done it all.

and honestly i’m frustrated because i’ve seen a few people say swsh has the best writing they’ve seen in a pokemon game and i just... i mean, i can see that in several of the character arcs and in the potential the story had to be great, but to me the writing is just... it’s full of extremely wasted potential. bede, hop, and sonia had pretty nice character arcs imo but we still could’ve seen a lot more of them if the story had been a better length, and i have to say i was expecting marnie to be a much more prominent character. i mean, she showed up like 3 or 4 times and i feel like i know more about piers than about her? i feel like i can’t describe her personality very well at all but she was supposed to be one of my rivals? there also wasn’t enough time to expand on team yell and what was happening in spikemuth, so i didn’t get attached to them like i did to team skull. i just found them annoying and that was all.

i also don’t even like... fully understand what oleana and the chairman’s deal was, i mean i thought oleana was puppeting everything but then she says you have to help because rose has gone nuts and even then i thought she was lying. i thought rose was just some asshat who didn’t care about bede at all because he seemed to not remember who bede was at the beginning, but then he’s like “oh i’m so sad i adopted you because i saw myself in you and now you’ve disappointed me :((” and i can’t even tell if he was being honest then or not, because he never ever gave me the vibe that he gave a single shit about bede, but it just wasn’t explored enough and tbh i really wanted bede to confront him and/or oleana at some point. i also still feel confused about what they were even doing in the first place and i wanted things to be explained better but they weren’t. i don’t even fully get what the darkest day was or why the day/night cycle only begins in the post-game and i just feel stupid. i had a theory that the darkest day and the day/night cycle and everything would relate to pollution and climate change somehow but it was just... something something eternatus something something dynamaxing, i think??

and speaking of bede being an orphan, i feel like i should not have had to learn that from a card and that it should’ve been a bigger part of the story tbh, i mean i love the league cards for non-plot relevant npcs like the gym leaders because i always wanted more info on the gym leaders of each region, but... having to learn that bede is an orphan who never got along with anyone so basically has no family or friends via reading it on a league card (which i feel the need to add, is optional to even read in the first place) is just making me imagine if in black and white n came up to you and handed you his entire traumatic backstory on a card, which would feel lazy and rushed just as it does to me here.

also like... the idea of the adults helping handle things and not putting it all on a kid is excellent until you realize all it’s doing is pushing you out of the action. even if you as the player might possibly be a kid like your character, you yourself are not in any danger and you want to have fun with things because this is a video game. the gym challenge is nice and all but every single time leon or sonia tells me to just continue my gym challenge and not worry about it i wanna say “fuck no let me join you and get in on the adventure and action just like every single other pokemon game lets me do.” every time sonia told me more cool info about the darkest day i got super excited and interested and then every time i didn’t get to do anything about it i was like “okay, well, maybe the action will pick up more after the next gym” and it just didn’t, until the VERY end and even that wasn’t long enough and overall the whole thing was just so incredibly oddly paced.

there’s also just... not enough to explore?? i mean, the wild area is pretty neat, but it doesn’t have dark caves and vast oceans and winding forests, and the region itself hardly has any of that either. there are only 10 routes and they’re short. i never got lost in galar mine or anything and it was the first time i actually missed getting lost in a video game, which i usually do constantly because i have an even worse sense of direction than leon. the cities are beautifully designed imo and there are a few where i went “holy shit this is gorgeous” when i walked in, but the whole region is just too small and i was pretty disappointed when ballonlea, despite having the prettiest design in the game along with glimwood tangle imo, was so tiny with hardly anything in it. i realize this part is a tangent and not related to the story but it just adds to the frustration i had with everything!

anyway, this post is already too long and too incoherent and i’m not trying to be overly negative because i truly did enjoy some things about swsh and am glad i bought it to be able to play with my friends and shiny hunt and collect all the new pokemon regardless of my issues with it, so i’ll try wrapping it up here. basically i guess i just feel like the plot was too incredibly oddly paced, not nearly explained well enough, and the characters weren’t expanded on enough at all despite several of them having very fun and interesting personalities and arcs and every one of them being likable to me. the lore of galar has very interesting concepts in it but none of them are used to their fullest potential in this game and i so desperately wish they were! i wish the world was bigger and that i got to be a bigger part of the action and that i had a better understanding of the game i just played (and hey, maybe i’ll understand all of it a little better once i replay/see my dad get to the story parts that puzzled me, but i feel like i should NOT be so utterly lost right now), but none of that was to be. it feels rushed and unsatisfying and i know it’s because the devs didn’t have enough time to make swsh as great as it could be, but i just wish they could’ve been given the time it needed! because these issues i have, along with other ones such as the bizarre removal of features like mega evolutions and the ability to pet your pokemon or the removal of such a high amount of pokemon, and the world itself having so little to really explore, just.... keep me from being able to enjoy it nearly as much as i wanted to.

i think i have to give the game a 6/10 or maaaaybe 6.5, which is lowered from the original 7/10 i was going to give it while i was still optimistic the plot would pick up more than it did. so, decent for me and much better than any of my least favorite mainline pokemon games (i haven’t replayed through xy since forever or really touched it to do anything other than shiny hunting in ages, for example), but not really great imo and i’m sad about it.

[emeraldspiral]

Real talk, the only reason Anakin had to go to Jedi school to git gud is because he needed to be a kid when he left his mom and an adult when he began his romance with Padme. If the plot had called for it, he would’ve been a Master Jedi in a week because the needs of the story outweigh the need for “realism”.

Just look at Luke. His training lasted maybe a couple of days or weeks at most because it just wouldn’t make sense for Luke to stay out of the fight for years and years. He could only train for as long as it took Han and Leia to get captured by Vader, but he also needed to not instantly lose to Vader when they fought. Therefore, the amount of time it took for Han and Leia’s storyline to play out was the exact amount of time Luke needed to get good enough to face Vader.

Afterward, in RotJ, supposedly there’s a timeskip of a year, but you’d be forgiven if you thought, as I did, that only a few days or weeks passed, since there’s 0 mention of a timeskip in the film and no reason to think it would take that long to get to Tatooine or plan Han’s rescue. In fact, it seems out of character for a dedicated Rebel like Leia to take that much time off for one person, no matter how she felt about him. But I digress. Regardless of whether it was really a year or only a few days, the fact remains that Luke didn’t have any additional training during that timeskip. He only returned to Dagobah after rescuing Han, and upon arrival Yoda was on his deathbed telling Luke he was already ready, no additional Force training or lightsaber combat instruction required.

In any event, however much training he received, it was definitely significantly under ten years and, from what we saw, didn’t even cover lightsaber fencing, at least not nearly as much as lifting rocks and reading minds and other Force skills. Yet, he still managed to overpower Vader, the strongest Jedi/Sith to ever live. Because the story required him to be that powerful at that point so that he could complete his arc by rejecting the opportunity to slay Vader.

Now, let’s consider Rey’s skills, abilities, and accomplishments, starting with the dumbest of the dumbshit things people complain about when trying to use the “she’s too good at too many things/gets too good too fast” argument for why she’s a Mary-Sue.

First of all:

Why does Rey speak droid and Wookie (as if that’s a particularly uncommon skill)? Because she needs to befriend BB-8, so BB-8 can bring her together with Finn and because someone’s got to be able to understand Chewie once Han’s gone and that someone should probably be the one who’s going to be spending a lot of time alone with him co-piloting the Falcon when they go to find Luke. The better question to ask is why anyone cares about shit like that? Like, is that on some Mary-Sue litmus test somewhere? “Is bilingual in a world where most people are?” If you’re going to complain about something that stupid I have to assume you think character writing should work like Pokemon where you have to drop traits in order to stay under a certain limit, even if half the stuff filling up the quota is stuff like “can ride a bicycle” or “doesn’t burn the house down when they cook”.

Second:

Why is she an ace pilot (as if half the characters in Star Wars, both Force sensitive and non-Force sensitive aren’t also Ace Pilots, and also as if Rey has more than ONE SINGLE flying scene or had any trouble handing over the spotlight to any of the other THREE ACE PILOTS JUST IN THE SEQUEL TRILOGY)? Because she has to be a pilot because Finn can’t be, because he had to need Poe so that he could get his jacket, in order to catch BB-8′s attention, so that BB-8 could bring him and Rey together. Also, because it emphasizes Rey’s major character flaw; that she is the architect of her own misery. She has the means to leave Jakku but doesn’t, something directly acknowledged immediately after her one and only flying scene.

Third:

Why does she show Han up on knowledge of his own ship? Well, for one thing, she fucking doesn’t. She only knows about one thing installed in the ship after it left his custody. But even if you wanted to make the claim that this was supposed to demonstrate that she was some kind of Superstar Mechanic (as if mechanics are something rare and special in Star Wars) and that the reason for her being a Superstar Mechanic is just to get Han to like her, even that has a story-related justification that isn’t just about wish-fulfillment or using a cool character to shill for her. Having Han take a liking to her creates another opportunity for her to demonstrate her character flaw when she rejects his job offer in favor of returning to Jakku to wait forever for parents that don’t love her when there’s a man she already thinks of as the father she never had right in front of her. Also, having her bond with him makes his death at Kylo’s hands more personal for her, thereby creating a greater hurdle for her to overcome in order to come to have compassion for Kylo, making it more satisfying when she does.

Fourth:

Why does she have the Force when she’s already a pilot, mechanic, and proficient stick-fighter (as if any of those things are unique or special. Or more importantly, ever used at the expense of letting other characters shine)? Couldn’t she have been a Badass Normal? If this were just about beating bad guys and winning the war maybe. But it’s clearly not. This is about the old heroes passing the torch to the next generation. The main character was always going to be Force sensitive, always going to become a Jedi, and always going to replace Luke no matter what gender they were, who they were related to, whether they were a scavenger or a stormtrooper or secret royalty or Born of the Force or who, if anyone, they were going to be romantically partnered with. Rey needs to be Force sensitive because, as the main character, her ultimate purpose is to define what it means to be a Jedi for a new generation.

Fifth:

Why can she do things with the Force without training? Well, the only reason Luke needed a training montage was because the Force was a brand new concept for him and he was limited by his own ideas about his capabilities, and because the audience was going in blind as well and needed to hear the Force 101 lectures just as much as he did. Rey meanwhile, has no reason to think lifting rocks or picking up a lightsaber hilt is hard when she’s grown up hearing stories about Luke doing much crazier things. Between that, having Kylo demonstrate all those abilities to her beforehand, and also being able to access his training through the Force Bond there is 0 reason for her to need a training montage in-universe. But more importantly, because the audience has already gotten a crash course on standard Force abilities from the previous movies, a training montage would be redundant. We don’t need the same exposition given to us again anymore than we need to see Rey repeat the same character journey as Luke. The Force Bond and Rey’s preexisting fighting capabilities may be a convenient workaround to explain why Rey doesn’t need a training montage, but they exist because a training montage would be dead weight that adds nothing to the story. And that’s just the Force Bond’s ancillary purpose. Its much more important function is getting Rey and Kylo to stop fighting and start talking.

Sixth:

Why couldn’t Rey and Kylo at least fight to a draw or better yet, have her forced to retreat in their first battle? Why did she have to beat him at the very beginning of her journey? Doesn’t that make her too powerful with no room for advancement and him too weak, leaving no tension for future confrontations?

Because Kylo’s defeat isn’t about Rey at all. It’s not about making her look good. Kylo’s supposed to be at his lowest point going into TLJ. He’s supposed to look weak, not because the screenwriters think it’ll make Rey look stronger in comparison. They know damn well that the way to write a villain is to present them as an impossible obstacle to overcome. To hide any semblance of vulnerability in order to keep you in suspense as to how the hero could ever prevail against them. But that’s not Rey and Kylo’s dynamic. That’s Kylo and Snoke’s dynamic. Kylo isn’t the villain, he’s the “other half of the protagonist”. He doesn’t exist for Rey to be afraid of him. She’s meant to sympathize with him, which means he needs to appear vulnerable and human in front of her. They couldn’t build the romantic (or even platonic) connection the film clearly intended for them if Kylo actually did come across as threatening as people wanted him to be. The appearance of physical or emotional invincibility would be antithetical to the entire story they’re trying to tell.

Also, Rey isn’t even that good with a lightsaber. Kylo had been shot with a bowcaster, injured further and tired out by Finn, and handicapped himself by not aiming to kill or maim since he wanted to recruit Rey to his side and Rey still spent 98% of that fight running and only won because Kylo chose not to kill her when he had the chance.

Believe it or not, some dumbasses have actually heard all this and still tried to argue that Rey shouldn’t be in any fighting shape after hitting a tree hard enough to lose consciousness and that should nullify all the advantages she was given. If you make this argument, you’re being an anal contrarian fuck and you know it. Getting hit in the head is NEVER portrayed realistically in fiction. It is completely standard and in no way exceptional for a fictional character to awake from unconsciousness with no impairments. It has fuck all to do with trying to make characters look cool. It never has been and never will be a Mary-Sue trope.

In conclusion:

None of Rey’s abilities or feats are just there to make her look good. They’re either there to move the story along, or to add to her characterization and character journey, or to add to Kylo’s. Furthermore, they’re nothing special in the context of Star Wars, the stuff she learns quickly has in-universe justifications and it’s not even unprecedented for characters to git gud enough to match someone more experienced in a very short amount of time with no in-universe justification.

[meny-sempai]

MO DAO ZU SHI IS A MASTERPIECE – part 01

OH MY GOD EP 15! That was so… UGH. I have so much to say, yet I’m speechless at the same time! Aaaaa! Ok, that’s it! It’s time!

The first season is over and I can finally talk about my experience with the piece of art that is Mo Dao Zu Shi. Yes, it is a piece of art and I will prove it to you in this short series of my thoughts about the show.

I just have to say – I’m not a native English speaker so bear with the mistakes I’m bound to make. I did read the novel, but only as far as the Exiled Rebels Scanlations translated it (thank you Rebels, you’re gods). I started reading the novel after the first airing of the third episode, so at the very beginning of MDZS mania – I went in blind and… it was FUNNY. I’ll talk more about that down below. And yes, I know a lot of spoilers, but I can’t say I know the whole story – If I start theorizing be aware that I’m just theorizing, I’m not actually telling the plot, but, just to be sure: SPOILERS ahead, I will use the facts I know for my analysis.

For the first two episodes I’m going to tell you my blind reactions and compare them with my impressions after finishing the season. My misinterpretations are hilarious and I admit I was really dumb. Enjoy my stupidity.

The rest of the episodes will have my impressions and analysis that I now have after finishing the show. There will be a few of these kind of posts on my profile because I can’t fit everything I have to say in just one. I don’t actually do analysis of shows here, because this is my personal art blog, but I sometimes make exceptions. As an animation student I just had to talk about Mo Dao Zu Shi. I want more people to see it. I want people to know that it is much more than BL.

So… Here we go!

INTRODUCTION – or, who the hell even asked for my opinion?

I’ve been a fan of anime/manga since I was 13, which was 12 years ago (I’m old, I know). Sure, I’ve watched Digimon, Pokemon, Bayblade and all that jazz when I was even younger, but that doesn’t count, because I had no clue about the concept of anime.

I’ve seen a lot of shit, I’m quite open to a lot of shit and if I’m in the right mood I can take a lot of shit, but I still regard myself as someone who has a good taste. The older I get the less time I have to take a chance at something I wouldn’t normally watch. Even if there is something I’d watch I usually end up not having time for it. Since I started studying and doing animation myself, my criteria for the quality skyrocketed. I long gave up on the three episode rule. One episode is enough to see potential if there is potential (some shows can still trick me – I’m looking at you Sirius the Jaeger).

Ok, ok, I’m not bashing on Sirius the Jaeger. I’m just saying the show had a lot of potential and threw it out of the window. If there was no Mikhail and Yuliy dynamics… Scratch that – if there was no Mikhail in the show, the story would have been completely empty. At least for me.

Since we’re talking about other shows, I’ll use this opportunity to declare Mo Dao Zu Shi as the animation of the year. Sure, the year’s still not over, sure I only watched Cells at Work, Free! Dive in to the Future, Sirius the Jaeger and BANANA FISH, but I still believe in what I say.

Sorry Cells, you’re cute, you make me care more about my body, you make me have weird feelings about Cancer (WTF). I wish I can show you to all the school kids in my country, but you’re not the best this time. Please, give me another season, thank you. Love the manga. Guys, please watch this anime!

Sorry Free, you… Pfff… Ok, yeah, FREE, I love you dude, thank you for all the sexy muscles and almost BL drama (and some actual deep moments). Thank you for all the Rin, we can never have enough of Rin. And thank you for Kisumi and Asahi – didn’t know I needed that. Thank you, but… yeah, know your place (hint: it’s right here in my arms).

Sorry Sirius, I wish you had more episodes to explore the story and the characters. Liked the OP and the animation.

Sorry BANANA FISH, oh god, I really am. Before MDZS I lived for you BF, I lived for you! I was an old fan of the manga and I was so hyped. I can’t say I’m dissatisfied with the anime adaptation. I liked a lot of things they did, the way they adapted stuff, added and changed stuff, but it was just too much plot for 13 episodes and the effects of it became clearer and worse while the anime progressed. I have no idea how MAPPA will handle the second season. My fingers are crossed. Guys, watch this anime. Even with all the flaws it’s worth your time. 

And yes, I watched Voltron and The Dragon Prince. This will be a really long post if I start on those, so I won’t.

So… YES. Mo Dao Zu Shi came out of nowhere for me and took the crown. Wow… where to start…?

How did I find this show…? Actually, how did this show find me? Well… It was my beta reader, I think. After 13 years of being a silent fan of Asian comics and animation, I decided to finally write a fanfiction. Surprisingly, it was for the small fandom of the Korean comic Noblesse (nobody cares, carry on). I don’t know why, but my beta told me about this new BL “anime”. When I realized it was Chinese I rolled my eyes. I’m an asshole, I know, but I just never liked anything I saw from the Chinese (I haven’t seen much, but what I saw was poorly animated/was in 3D and I’m not a huge fan of 3D). I also never liked the voice acting… Ok. OK, I admit! I never liked the language, ok? Shoot me!

Then… Everything changed when the Wen clan attacked.

Anyway… I was bored, I was lazy and didn’t want to do work for my university, so I said: “What the heck! Hit me with some Chinese BL.” I clicked on the first episode not even bothering to read the summary. Man… My expectations were the low of the lowest.

EPISODE 01 – or, what the fuck did I just watch and is there more of it?

Oh shit… I’m terrible at names, especially Chinese names! Am I supposed to remember all this, is this important? The clans, the wars, the titles? This is BL, right? Should I take out my note book? Fuck, pause it. Ok… Ok… I get it? Let’s just continue.

(When I look at it now it was pretty clear. I really am dumb. To be fair, you need time to get used to how they use names. And for someone who never watched Chinese animation seriously and doesn’t know anything about the culture it really was a lot of new information. But don’t let that stop you from watching it!)

Ughhhhh…. 3D… damn it. And it was going so well. Ugh, just look at those wings flapping! Are the wings broken? What the hell! Why do they do this?

(Lol, I was so triggered. XD The bird is actually fine. I like how the scene transitioned from the pupil of a scared man to the pupil of the crow. As if they were watching each other in the eye, only adding to the creepiness. The lighting is also great. Everything is dark and gloomy, fitting the “horror” atmosphere really well, yet at the same time the dark scenes are vivid and clear. It’s hard to make the misty night look clear and colorful. The flying is a bit iffy, but it doesn’t really matter because the effect of hundred birds covering the sky is strong and meaningful.)

Holly shit! This is amazing! Pause it! No, go back, I wanna see this again. Oh my god, that flute! The music is awesome, I’m having goosebumps. Ooohh, love the music, I never heard something like this. Oh, this dude is so cool. Red eyes and zombies and… What is this show about again? Zombie BL? Really? It’s not really zombies, right? Please don’t be about zombies, I hate zombies.

(Honestly, this scene is stunning. A really effective way to reveal a character. Especially a character that we are not sure whether he is good or bad. The most amazing thing for me about this is how they used music. It isn’t just the background music to accompany the atmosphere. It isn’t there just to tell something about the character and make him stand out (it’s not a character theme). The flute is not alone here, there are many themes working with it. Together they are not there to tell us “this is a scary action scene” so feel this, or “this is a sad scene”, or a “funny scene”. No. The music here is its own art piece. It’s actually there to tell us in its own language the story that we are seeing on screen. I don’t know how to explain it. For me, the way the music changed was perfectly synchronized with the way people were saying words, the way Wei Wuxian moved his head, the way the corpses stood up to attack. If I close my eyes I can see the scene by only listening to the music. This is something that regularly happens in this show. I don’t know how they do it, but I applaud to it. I can’t remember the last time the music left such an impact on me in the animation series. And this is just the first episode and the first scene. We have no idea who these people are. We are not expected to feel emotional for them. But I felt the connection. I felt like I was there and the corpses were about to get me.)

Ugh! 3D, you’re killing me! And it was such a cool intro! Ok, calm down, what are they saying? So… That’s the guy with the flute, right? No, it was Wei, but Wei Something else. No, wait, it has to be him. Go back. Yeah, it is him. What the hell is a courtesy name? Ok, never mind, try to remember.

Oh no…! More exposition, more names and clans! My brain is melting! Cool smoke/ink animation, though. Hmm, purple ring. Nice. That’s important, right? Oh! The amulet thing! Remember that. That’s gonna bite us in the ass later, ain’t it? Alright, so “Wei something” died. Killed by… shidi? So… the younger clan member? So…? This Wei also had his own clan? Am I getting this right? I’m probably not getting this right. Ugh, just watch the damn episode, quit pausing every goddamn second! It’ll explain itself.  

I like the OP! The similar smoke/ink animation and… Wow, ok, there are too many handsome guys here. I’ll have to focus. The music is catchy. I like the singer’s voice. Cool!

(I’m now quite fond of the 3D in here. The tortoise and everything. XD Also, in my defense - they have three names, like, come on. I didn’t see that coming. I don’t even have a middle name. Although, I do think having three ways to be addressed is pretty interesting. You can tell and convey a lot by just picking a name the character uses in his speech.

Fun fact no1. – at the time I couldn’t even recognition the names when they would speak. All of the words sounded the same to me, which was so unusual. I can now recognize a lot of words and phrases. And, I think… Well, you’ll see what I now think about Chinese and VAs. I’m just gonna say this: I’d like to learn Chinese just so that I can write a love letter to Guo Haoran.

Fun fact no2. – It took me 6 episodes to actually pay attention to the lyrics of the OP and ED and to realize that they are representing Wei Wuxian and Lan WangJi. That’s a really beautiful touch, very smart. And it brings so much meaning to the table when the ED changes. I don’t think I ever saw OP and ED used in this particular way.)

Well, this is getting really dark and interesting. This Wei may be a refreshing MC. Probably a good guy at heart, but shady as fuck and ready to kill. I do have another name to worry about, but Mo is easy to remember (“Don’t close mountain” – if you know what I mean :P). I wonder if Mo is important to the plot. I see potential for some twists here. 

2D animation is looking good so far. I like how they made us look from the protagonist’s POV. Really refreshing directing… hmm… Still not buying the Chinese, but Wei has a nice voice. The music is still great.

Bahahahaha! Scratch that, Wei is an idiot! Good to know that liquor is your priority, Wei! XD Omg the donkey, too, look at that face, look at the eyelashes!

The fuck is this shit? Are those people flying? While standing? Are they standing on something? What the hell? XD Man, that sky is nice. Oh! Oh, oh, wait, those guys! Those were the shadows I saw a scene earlier. Mmm… Attention to detail. Nice. Looks like I’ll have to pay close attention to every scene. Been a long time I had to focus so hard on an “anime”.

(10 minutes and I was already very intrigued. I didn’t know shit, but I was in. With all the pausing I probably spent 50 minutes on this episode, but it felt like barely 20 minutes had passed. At the beginning I paused a lot because I was too slow to read the subtitles (no, I don’t watch dubs, I’m just too used to Japanese and their culture references that reading subs is child’s play, but this was new territory for me). I also paused a lot because I felt I’ve missed something, or because I was surprised at how some scenes looked. 

I don’t pause that often now. Mo Dao Zu Shi trained me to see and hunt for detail. As I said, it’s been a long time since I had the need to carefully look at the backgrounds and pay attention to all of the characters’ expressions. Mo Dao Zu Shi tells a lot in silence and in small details. It awards you if you take time to look at the scenery. When I find something that I’d usually miss, I don’t necessarily feel smarter, but I feel the show is treating me as someone smart. MDZS respects its audience. It makes them think and remember. Which makes this show 100% re-watchable. I watched all the episodes 3 times. Some I watched even more – like episode 11. And I always have a new experience. I love coming back to it. Even when I work I play the episodes and listen to them. It’s interesting. Try it. Try just to listen to the audio. It has rare quality to it. The sounds and music are used wisely and a piece of music always has a legit reason why it’s played.)

Ok, this run is too slow. I get that he’s fat, but still, the foot exchange doesn’t fit with the distance he’s making. Also, the flying guys are not flying anymore. I got more info. And MORE NAMES. Kill me now. The info is interesting, though. Cultivators are Chinese exorcist, right? I really should have read the summery.

(I still think the running was not convincing. There are moments such as these in the show, but honestly, MDZS has fascinating animation and it only gets better in the later episodes (I’m not even gonna start with ep 11 – ep 11 will get its own post). The animators know what they are doing and the director knows how to make a scene work at full capacity.

Fun Fact no3. – D.Gray-man destroyed me. I now only know how to say “exorcist” the Japanese way.

MDZS also has a way of making seemingly stupid stuff look and be cool. Surfing on swords sounds pretty dumb, but when you actually see it and have it explained to you, when it has plot significance it becomes a fresh idea. I want to have my own sword to surf on!)

Well, hello… Lan… Jingyi ~ (How do you read this? O.O) Mmm… I’m digging the art style. Cute boys~

Also, Wei, you’re a fucking genius! XD The Oscar goes to you, my dude.

(… I still think Wei Wuxian is a fucking genius. I’m not gonna talk a lot about him right now, but I just gotta say that he is such a classic MC, yet at the same time he is so original. He’s just one of the proofs how great the writing this series has.

Speaking of writing – this show has some of the best dialog I’ve ever seen. Not only because of what is being said, but also because of the VAs, directing, music and animation. Dialog often has more than one meaning and always serves to deepen the characters and their relationships. I love how they use animation to show how the characters are truly feeling while saying something and what they actually mean when they say it. Everything they say has a reason and it makes you pay attention to other’s reaction to what is being said. I love how the character can say the same thing in so many different ways and that this is used to show his development and growth. I’m also amazed at how simple “hmm-s” and “mmm-s” mean so much in this show. 

I’m not saying character animation and rich expressiveness is something new, but it is rare and this show is really good at it. For example, quite a few characters laugh or cry but they all do it differently. They raise their eyebrows differently, they’re surprised and scared differently etc. This all sounds as a no-brainer, but it’s not so common. It’s difficult to pull off and I’m not saying MDZS is perfect, but it’s close.)

(Please… You think you can take down someone who spent his whole life perfecting the art of climbing up trees? Pff! You’re not Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan.)

(He looks so comfortable among corpses. It’s funny, yet so sad. These are all great hints for the mind-set of a character that you’ll miss at first watching, but you won’t forget about it. And when the memory clicks – it makes a loud click. Not a second is wasted in this show. Everything has a point. I’ll elaborate more on that with some examples in other posts.)

Bahahaha! I feel you bro! XD

But I feel you too. I mean, I don’t care about you, wench, don’t get me wrong, but it’s kinda sad. I’m liking these zombies. They’re my way of creepy and there’s potential for a deeper plot for them if it’s true that their personalities are still there somewhere. This just adds to the debate whether Wei is good or bad. The grey area… I love the grey the most. All 50 shades of it. And I’m enjoying the mystery vibe of this episode. Was there a mystery tag on this “anime”? Also, the fight scenes are not bad. And it’s cool how they all hate Wei but use his technics and knowledge. Realistic. Cool.

Oh my god! The colors! Whaaat? What the hell, look at that hair animation! And the music from that… string thingy- instrument – so cool. Ooohh, wait, this is the white dude, THE dude. Here comes the BL!

Ooohhh, I see what you did there. Kudos for you, director! Similarities and contrasts. Nice. And it’s over, I can’t believe it’s over! How can you cliff hang like that?! There’s a second episode, right? Mm, the ED is so pure. There IS a second episode! Well, while I’m here, don’t mind if I do!

EPISODE 2 – or, how I got everything wrong!

I bet he’s thinking: “The fuck is with this aim? The little shit almost killed me! I’m annoyed and amazed! Better play a fool and run for it.” But, seriously, that aim! Wei actually paused (love the little wobble effect on the arrow). And I have another name to remember! Ugh! And another color! Are they color coded? That could be helpful. Also, look at that tree. Wow… They’re blending the 3D backgrounds quite well with the 2D.

And Mo is important to the plot! Nice! So he has connections with the Yellow clan. The plot thickens.

I just gotta say – all of them have interesting designs. I wonder if every cultivator has his own sword. Bleach style or something. On the other hand, animators must be pulling out their hair because of all the details. XD

Cool little battle. Great camera work. They showed the difference between a student cultivator and an experienced one in an entertaining way. That soul summoning was nice too.

(This fight served as a nice show of power difference. It adds a lot to the future episodes where all of the main cast are students and have to face various trials. It gives us a hint at how powerful the clan leaders must be, it gives us a new perspective on the war and its casualties. We now get why many cultivators died so “easy”. It also hints at how talented students are different from the average which is an important detail in the plot. This little “unimportant” fight grounds it all and makes the levels in the clan system believable and palpable.)

This is really clever. Kudos for the reflection. Wei, haven’t you ever watched an anime? It’s clear the kid doesn’t have a mom. He probably doesn’t even have a dad.

(Ok… prepare for a full on fangirl attack.)

… My ears are tingling.

… This voice… Oh my ears, please calm down, something big is happening right now. Wait… Oh wow, he knows him! Look at the face he’s making, oh shit! And this new guy…! We haven’t even seen his face and he’s making threats! Hmm… Can’t say I don’t like that. Yeah, I like that… He’s gonna be the villain, isn’t he? I always like the villains and they always have the best voices. Well… if he’s a villain, let’s hope he’s hot-

Oh, wow, this is really good. The way the light appears, and that little shine of the… bell? Purple… Purple? The purple ring? Is this connected? Well, anyway, he has a pretty dramatic reveal and nice music – yep, he’s the bad guy. Let me see your face-

Wei… why are you so scared? They sure take their sweet time in revealing this guy. This may be more important than I thought. Don’t miss anything!

(Are you prepared?)

HOLLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD WHAAATT??? Was he this beautiful in the OP? Whaaaatt? AAAAHHHHHH!!!! SCREENSHOT! WALLPAPER! GO BACK, REPEAT THE SCENE! YOU! YOU, MY BOY, HAVE ENTERED MY HAREM. Oh what a day to be alive! Mmmm, ok, calm down, we’ll draw him later, let’s try to focus. Jiang Cheng. Ok, it’s a more common name, I’ll remember him. Heh. Like I could forget this boy. Oh, no, not a boy, a MAN. This is a man. Uhuhuhu~

(Aaaand my mind was a bit hazy for the rest of the episode – you will see the results.

Fun fact no4. – Immediately after this episode I looked up MDZS on Tumblr and realized that the fandom is calling Jiang Cheng JC. Still under the effects of what I just saw I thought calling him God was quite appropriate.)

NICE PROFILE!!! Is he going to be the other love interest for the MC? Are we gonna see the cliché love triangle? If it’s with this dude, maybe it won’t be so bad~ Ok, seriously, watch the show!

Ok, the magic light here is a nice touch. This Jiang Cheng is a bit cold even to his nephew. He doesn’t recognize Wei, but that’s expected. Wei is strongly reacting to him. What’s the connection? Judging by the music – it’s sad? I expected something more, I don’t know, menacing? Evil? But it’s just sad. Maybe he’s not a villain. That… that could open so many doors… TO MY KOKORO.

“Feed your dogs.” Ouch, that’s dark. Someone really hates the “demon” cultivators.  

“Could this boy be…?” What? What is he? Want’s the connection? Should I know, did I miss something?

The white dude and my purple man clash! Holly, Jiang Chang sounds pissed (passive aggressive enough?), while White poster boy here doesn’t give a damn! XD Ahahaha! Could Jiang Cheng be the Chinese tsundere? No, no, no, let’s not call such a man a tsundere. It’s too early.

Oh, Uncle is the leader of the sect. Nice. How old is the Uncle? Is he married?

This obvious metaphor of concealing the light is distracting me from fangirling. It’s interesting how it connects with the Jiang Cheng reveal. I feel that… shit is about to go down.

I was right! He’s the ring! What does the ring represent? And he’s doing what I always do! I play with my ring like that all the time! Nice.

SCREENSHOT! Oh, but he’s pissed. Oh, but I love the way he looks at me~ I feel all mushy.

Ha! Interesting. He’s smart, he has some self-control. Refreshing. But don’t turn your anger at your nephew, please. Also, it seems like the white dude and the Uncle have some history. Hmm…

I thought so. The white dude was the one who killed Wei. The tragic love. I can already see it.

(Yep. I thought Lan WangJi was the Shidi who “killed” Wei Wuxian. You are allowed to face palm.)

Oh no… I know where this is going. And the music…

Oh man… It’s the second episode and I’m already having the feels. What happened, Wei?! I refuse to believe you’re a bad guy!

But, I get Wei’s reaction to Jiang Cheng now.

(I don’t know how it happened, but I was thinking… What if she was killed by Jin Zixuan’s sword? We know Wei Wuxian stopped using his. From this shot we know he wasn’t the one who stabbed her, so was it Wen Ning? It’s obvious he was involved in the tragedy. As far as I know SPOILERS Wen Ning killed Jin Zixuan. If the killer sword is the one we know – if it’s Jin Zixuan’s then Wei’s reflection in this episode has a deeper meaning.)

Bahahaha I feel you, honor student. I like the kids.

(Honestly, they balance the humor and the serious stuff masterfully.)

I died.

This is giving me Gantz PTSD. That shit gave me nightmares. Nephew is really bold.

(I believe Jin Ling has some of his Uncle Wei’s recklessness and hero complex, but he also wants to prove himself just like his other two Uncles. I’ll talk more about them in another post.)

Uuhh, Wei is playing the flute! Risky, I like it.

(Ok, people. Be prepared for the ultimate face palm.)

Oh my god! Don’t tell me he summoned his own body! This resembles the scene from the narration… and he’s wearing black!

I’m right! Nephew wants revenge! Great shot by the way. You can feel the rage in the movement.

(You face palmed yet?)

I really love the way they use the flute! It depicts the flow of the camera so well!

… Wen… Wen what? Wen Ning? Who’s Wen Ning? What? Wait, are they talking about the corpse? What’s going on??? O_O Who’s Wen Ning?! Did I miss something? What’s the full name of the MC again? Ugh… This is so tiring… Ok, never mind, enjoy the beautiful flute song.

Busted!

I swear to god, this guy is illegal!

Oh, boy he figured it out too and he’s… sadistically happy? Eh… But, I get it. If he believes that Wei killed his sister, I get it. And her husband? Did he “kill” the dad, too?

I can’t believe he has a whip AND a braid? And he’s purple??? Did someone look into my diary? Is it Christmas yet? XD Am I dead?

Did he just smile? Am I imagining things? XD I can’t figure him out!

Please! Don’t lie, white dude! “He’s path is uncommon”, yeah right, we all know what you want.

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I’VE SEEN AND HEARD IN MY LIFE.

(This would have annoyed anyone no matter who said it, but because it was Wei Wuxian, I think it was even more annoying in Jiang Cheng’s head. Wei Wuxian knows him too well. It’s even funnier when you know that JC is blacklisted. XD He’s no good even to the lunatic.)

And at this exact moment Wei knew he fucked up. XD This is golden. 

... Please DON’T turn into rape BL.

(It so DID NOT.)

Oh Wei, you’re no match for this guy! :D

Hmm, looks like we’re going back in time. I love me some juicy flashbacks. Can’t wait to see more.

... I can’t believe I actually like this zombie BL. I just hope they don’t fuck up the animation later on.

(And the rest is history. As you can see - I’m obsessed.)

-----

That’s all for today! Next posts will have more character, story and art analysis. Hope you liked this and please forgive me for making this so long. See you! 

[heyhowyadoingpally]

it’s been forever since i’ve done one of these, huh?

i figured i’d bring this little series back from the dead (pun intended) for october, but i’m not gonna be looking at one pokemon at a time - i’m gonna do mass reviews.

that’s right, i’m going to do a bunch of super quick, rapid-fire reviews of pokemon. more specifically, different pokemon types. even more specifically, three pokemon types.

i’m gonna review all - yes, all, including half-types and secondaries - the posion, dark, and ghost types, in that order. i would have thrown in one more, like bug or psychic, but i think i have enough as it is to last until halloween. although, if there’s a good enough response and, for whatever reason, a demand for either of those two types, i might do one more.

just to clarify, if a pokemon is two of the types i’ll be reviewing, i’ll be placing them in the review of their first type. i.e. if there’s a ghost/dark type, i’ll be putting it in the ghost type review.

yes, these are going to be LONG fucking posts. so sue me.

with that out of the way, let’s begin.

Spooky Halloween Special Part 1: Pure Poison

#023 - Ekans

there really isn’t much for me to say about ekans. he’s really a product of the first-gen’s shtick, which was having the first chunk of the pokemon be more like mundane wildlife than anything else. and that’s something i’m more than okay with; you need mundane wildlife to balance out shit like fire-breathing anteaters and living, floating magnets.

that being said, i adore ekans’s design. there may be a good amount of pokemon out there that are based on real-world animals, but not many of them heavily resemble the animal they’re based on.

ekan’s look is so subtle yet it just works, from the reptilian eyes to the ring around his neck(?), and even the rattle at the end of his tail. hell, i never even noticed the thin lines going all the way down its body until now! maybe they could be segments that somehow help is slither around easier? who knows!

RATING:

i love ekans, but it’s not something that i would absolutely go crazy for. i gave it the extra half-point because, again, it’s one of the cooler “realistic” pokemon, imo.

#024 - Arbok

in the simplest of words, arbok is just plain awesome.

making ekan’s next stage be a cobra just seems fitting: a pokemon as “average” as ekans definitely would evlove into something weirder than a typical snake, but not too weird. cobras are pretty weird, but not too weird. it goes hand in hand.

it’s a little sad that arbok doesn’t retain some of the subtle qualities its predecessor had, like the eyes or the big ring, but it makes up for it with the kickass hood. i’m sure like everyone knows this, but in the first few games the little design on arbok’s hood differed slightly, because they’re arboks from other regions.

RATING:

again, i love its look, but it’s not an absolute favorite.

#029 + #032 - Nidoran

i vaguely remember how awesome i thought the idea of this one pokemon with genders was. of course, now pretty much every pokemon has some minor detail that differentiates their sex.

i love their cute little faces!!! they’re like adorable little rabbit-things with poisonous barbs!

oh, yeah! they’re poison types! so poison is incorporated into their design, right?

...kiiinda?

the pokedex states that nidorans have poisonous barbs sticking out of their backs, but they don’t really look like barbs. they seem more like really dull dorsal fins or something. like, if your tried to hug one of them the most pain you’d get is an uncomfortable poke more than anything.

RATING:

a neat concept for a pokemon, but the execution of the “poison” aspect didn’t really shine through.

#030 + #033 - Nidorina and Nidorino

these two changed, and for the fucking better.

i love the idea that when certain pokemon evolve, it’s really just them maturing, and the nidos did a fantastic job with their second evo. they look a lot more dangerous, but still not quite “barb-y”. i do love how the nidorino seems to naturally crawl on all fours while nidorina stand on her hind legs. it’s those subtle little things that i like.

RATING:

tbh i really don’t have much to say about these guys that i already said about their first forms. they’re more-or-less improved versions of both nidorans.

before we continue and before you say anything, yes, i’m one of those types of people who have a hard time hating any pokemon. the worst you’ll hear from me is that i’m not a fan of certain ones, but they’re nice efforts nonetheless. plus, i have a strong affinity towards the types of pokemon we’ll be looking at, anyway, so this is more of an excuse for me to gush about cute monsters.

#088 - Grimer

GOD where do i fucking begin???

this was the starting point for when pure poison (not quite yet for the half or secondary type!) pokemon really started to take advantage of the concept of...well, posion.

basically, from here on out, i’m going to be gushing a lot about the pure poison pokemon.

if you’ve been following/have known me long enough, you’ll know that i fucking adore any sort of outlandish, blobby monster. sure, most of those kinds of monsters out there are just the same thing over and over, but for some reason i never get enough of them. hell, my favorite animal is basically just a blob with a vague body shape!

everything about grimer is just so pleasing to me: the dopey expression, the little glob of goop dripping from its lip, the nubby hands...it’s even purple, my favorite color!

not to mention the fact that grimer is literally living sludge, one of my all-time favorite concepts for a monster. probably bc i associate any kind of goop monster with swamps, and you all know how much i fucking love those. i think we need more sludge/toxic monsters in our lives. i know i do.

RATING:

let’s face it: you all saw that coming.

#089 - Muk

you know, i didn’t think there was any way that you could improve a living pile of toxic waste, but game freak proved me wrong.

muk took everything i love about grimer and somehow made it significantly better. it genuinely feels like a grimer that grew larger and nastier through years of absorbing more waste and refuse. the strand of slime connecting the “lips” is a really neat touch!

 the more serious expression on its face makes me think that it hates its own existence, like it somehow just knows that it should not be alive. it’s a sad idea, and surprisingly not the darkest ideas that the pokemon franchise has ever delved into. but we’ll probably get more into that with later entries in this series.

RATING:

grimer and muk were, for the longest time, my favorite pokemon, period. that was, of course, until a certain gen 5 creature was introduced and immediately stole my heart. but, again, that’s one of those things we’ll get to soon.

#109 - Koffing

if i had never gotten into pokemon, or even monsters in general and you tried to describe certain creatures to me, i’d think these were some of the dumbest, most batshit ideas ever put on paper. koffing sounds like a weird or dumb idea, but the way a floating orb that spews toxic gasses is presented here is so fucking original.

i’ve always found it fascinating that we associate the color purple with anything poisonous. i suppose it stems (no pun intended) back from certain toxic plants having purple coloration? idk, i’m not an expert on these things.

as a little kid, i loved koffing, which i guess goes to show that i haven’t changed since then lmao. but what’s not to like about it? that’s a face that you can never say no to. koffing wants some cash so it can go out with its friends? go ahead! it wants to have pizza for dinner tonight instead of a casserole? sure thing!!! it wants to start an underground meth lab to rake in the dough to support its family? right on!!!

i especially adore the little skull-and-crossbones on its belly(?). it’s a really neat, subtle touch that didn’t even need to be on there but works so well. i especially love that it’s not just a standard jolly roger kind of crossbones that you’ll often find on monster/creatures that’re poisonous; it’s just the vague shape that makes it really feel like an animal might be able to evolve such a strange pattern on its body, which fits the semi-grounded-in-reality feel gen 1 was trying to go for.

fun fact: some real-life animals, especially insects and arachnids, have skull-shaped patterns on their backs!

RATING:

a perfect example of a pokemon that exemplifies its type.

#110 - Weezing

weezing is either a really ingenious - yet dark - metaphor, or just a really, really cool concept. or both.

i’m probably not the first person to think of this outlandish idea, but i think weezing might be some sort of weird, “hidden message” behind koffing and, more specifically, weezing.

lets take a look at this round, adorable, little cutie: 

it’s associated with toxicity and poison

it produces a gas that’s unpleasant to inhale

it has a second “head” growing on its side (with a cute little “starting crossbone”!)

both faces look quite glum

now, what in real life relates to to these aspects? what thing or things in real life are associated with being harmful or toxic; produce a gas or gaslike substance that, when inhaled, is unpleasant; can cause those exposed to it to develop large, potentially lethal lumps inside their body; and makes people quite glum?

hmmm....i just can’t think of any real-world items that could cause such dangerous, life-altering side-effects.

jokes aside, i’m more than certain i could just be pulling this connection with tobacco out of my ass. it sounds more like one of those edgy creepypastas from back in the day than anything else.

RATING:

this is the closest i think we’ll ever get to a pokemon with a fucking tumor, and whether or not it was intentional weezing’s design reminds me of real-world issues.

(m)

(f)

#316 - Gulpin

after koffing and weezing, pure poison type pokemon were few and far between. it’s a shame, since a lot of the pokemon that are solely poison are just so damn cool, even when they don’t quite show off the “poison” aspects you’d come to expect.

at the same time, i’m glad we currently only have a few amount of pure poison types out there; it makes them feel more special, like a nice treat you’d get every-so-often.

the first pure poison pokemon (how’s that for alliteration!) to appear since gen 1 was gen 3. there was an entire generation that skipped out on having really cute babies. those were surely dark time. at least they up for that with an abundance of other cute pokemon.

that being said, the first pure poison we get after a long, dark and empty era is an absolute cutie! again, i’m a sucker for round, blobby creatures. they always just look so soft and huggable! i think if i lived in the pokemon world, gulpin would definitely be one of those critters i’d snuggle up with.

you know, i really don’t know much about gulpin other than its adorable appearance. i’d really like to find out why its a pure poison! maybe i should see what the pokedex entries from the games have to say about this little cutiepie:

o h .

RATING:

gulpin’s a really neat concept, but the idea of something small and cute that also has an insatiable appetite isn’t something entirely original, and nor is it the first time a character in nintendo followed that same idea.

(m)

(f)

#317 - Swalot

listen: i LOVE swalot. but it’s the kind of love where if i sort of bring that up in a conversation people immediately assume i love swalot because of the same reason that a good two handfuls of people do.

i’m sure you can guess why some people love swalot more than others based on both its name and its rather...erm....interesting eating habit:

i told you that pokemon can get pretty morbid.

i’m really not the sort of person who "points out” something made for kids but with some sort of “underlying fetish material”, but swalot here is one of those few things that make me raise an eyebrow just a little.

but, uh, let’s look at this big cutie in a different, more wholesome light, huh?

designwise, swalot looks fantastic. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i love evolutions that look like a genuine life cycle. i can see gulpin being this sort of nymph that grows over time into this huge, squishy, toxic thing with an insatiable appetite. it almost sounds like the premise of a 1950s b-movie.

even though it’s not a major change, i love the coloring. again, it gives me the impression that young gulpin’s flesh darkens with maturity into a swalot. it’s great.

a detail that i never noticed until getting the pictures for this review is that if you look verrrrry closely, both gulpin and swalot have a faint pattern all over their bodies. it reminds me of how light looks reflecting in the ocean, all broken up like that.

RATING:

potential vorebait aside, i really love swalot’s design, even moreso than gulpit.

#336 - Seviper

there aren’t as many real snake pokemon as i’d like to think, but the ones we do get are pretty rad.

while ekans and arbok have great designs and are always gonna be near and dear to my heart, they never quite felt pokemon-y to me. yes, they were in the first gen and are revered as classics, they seem just too normal to me, you know? like they were literally just purple snakes.

i’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but when you compare them to the outlandish creatures from later generations, they aren’t all that unique. i still love them to death, of course.

seviper, to me at least, looks like what you would mentally picture if someone told you that there was a snake pokemon: it retains the basic idea of a serpent, but takes some creative liberties.

idk why but i really love the eyes it has. they sort of compliment its almost-smile, like its just about to pull a harmless prank on someone and is anticipating the gag. what a smug bastard.

according to the every pokedex, seviper’s best quality is that the entire species has had an ancient rivalry zangoose, another pokemon, for years. from what i can tell, zangoose is supposed to be based off the real-life mongoose, so what we have here is the age-old battle between snakes and mongooses (mongeese?) in the pokemon universe. that’s pretty awesome. i wish they could find more ways to tie in real wildlife habits and instincts like that.

RATING:

overall a good bean with a good design.

#568 - Trubbish

ohhhhh man. ohhhhh boy oh man. we’re at my favorite evolutionary line ever. i’ll try to keep this as contained and condensed as possible.

i’m not sure what it is exactly about garbage monsters, but i adore them a lot. maybe it’s because you can get really creative with how you design the? idk.

i’m surprised it took until gen 5 to get a real trash pokemon. grimer and muk may have been associated with filth, but trubbish and garbodor are the living embodiment of garbage. like, you look at them, and you know exactly what their shtick is. 

i’ve seen a few garbage bag monster before, but trubbish is probably the absolute cutest one i’ve ever seen! look at those big, curious eyes!!!! look at that cute overbite!!!!! look at the little feet made from the bottom corners of the bag!!! it’s such a cute little baby!!!!

unfortunately, not a lot of people share that opinion. and that’s okay. because you’re allowed to have your own fucking opinions on the internet. there’s some pokemon a lot a ppl like that i’m not too crazy for, so sue me. i’ve got my little compost child and that’s okay.

RATING:

is this cheating? i don’t think it’s cheating.

#569 - Garbodor

here it is! the best fucking pokemon to have ever existed!

you might be thinking i saved garbodor till the end on purpose, but i’ve just been reviewing these by the order they appear on the pokedex. besides, there’s just one more after this, so you don’t have to suffer much longer.

GOD i love garbodor so much. everything about it is so creative and fun and cute. i’m so glad it kept the face from when it was just a trubbish. what a cutie!!!!

i love how the garbage bag is sorta draped over its body, like the bag somehow filled up with so much trash that it burst open. i also really love how both of its arms are doing their own different things. it really gives the idea that garbodor wasn’t trying form a perfect body, just a body that works. but the greatest part of this huge baby bean are those cute little pigtails!!! god bless it for looking so cute!!!!!!!

i wanna hug garbodor so badly!!! even if it smells like garbage!!!!

RATING:

i love that funky little compost

#803 - Poipole (aka UB Adhesive)

i haven’t played ultra sun or moon, so the new pokemon in that game are still...well...new to me.

one of the new ultra beasts introduced in the games, poipole has already stolen my heart and i don’t even know it that well. it’s got all of my favorite color combinations rolled into one - blues and purples and pinks!

being an ultra beast, poipole hails from ultra space, and, apparently, from a city in ultra space called ultra megalopolis. jeez, game freak sure loves using the word “ultra”.

i really can’t say much since, again, i’ve never played either of the ultra games, but i like what i do see.

i would have wrapped up this review here, but looking at the pokedex entries for it turned out to be a fucking road trip:

poipole goes from adorably-loved to a fucking sociopath.

alright, i like this cutie even more.

RATING:

for some reason, i still get surprised whenever a new pokemon game has creative and original monster. you’d think they would have blown their wad in the first few gens, but so far they haven’t done so.

that wraps up the first part of this little “review series” next time we’ll be looking at both half-poison AND secondary poison, all in the same post. how terrifying.

...i’m sincerely sorry if you had to read through all of this

PREVIOUS POKEFART: Weedle Line

NEXT POKEFART: (it’s not out yet you dip)

[crystalelemental]

You know, talking even briefly about how I don’t care much for the Gen 5 starters has resulted in me wanting to share my opinions about starter Pokemon as a whole.  Like, what I think of each of their evolutionary lines.  So let’s do that.  Not really a ranking or anything, just my opinions on each.

BULBASAUR LINE Bulbasaur’s evolution line is great, fight me.  They’re little dinosaur creatures with a giant flower that blooms on its back as it evolves, how is that not cool?  Grass/Poison was super redundant in Gen 1, putting it into conflict with every other grass type bar Tangela, but nowadays it’s...slightly less common of a typing?  Okay, it’s pretty standard.  But I really like the concept behind them.  Also, I can’t remember where I saw this, but someone insulted Venusaur’s design and I want you to know I’m judging.

CHARMANDER LINE Okay, Charmander?  Super cute, love the little lizard creature.  Charmeleon?  Okay, bigger and angrier, kind of a thing with Pokemon as they evolve.  Charizard?  The most stock-standard “dragon” you can imagine.  It’s literally just a Dragon.  Had they not been cowards about the typing back then, it probably would be Fire/Dragon.  But no, Fire/Flying.  I really don’t like Charizard.  It’s so standard and yet it’s held up as one of the best Pokemon designs, and for what?  For being a standard, boring-ass dragon.  Listen kids, dragons are boring, and we need to get over them.

SQUIRTLE LINE Squirtle itself is just adorable.  I love this thing so much, it’s honestly becoming my favorite of the gen 1 starters, even over Bulbasaur who I adore.  I’ve heard others mention that Wartortle is kinda underwhelming, but really, it’s not worse than Charmeleon or Ivysaur, and they’re just fine, so I think those people are just mean.  As for Blastoise itself, it’s a cool concept, though you do have to wonder how it got metallic cannons coming out of its shell.  Really doesn’t make much biological sense at all, which proves once again that anything that genwunners complain about Gen 5 being stupid for, Gen 1 did it too.  Overall great, probably turning into my favorite of the evolution lines.

CHIKORITA LINE Okay, I really like this evolution line, but for contrarian reasons.  Chikorita is not the cutest of the starters in Gen 2.  Cyndaquil is.  Its concept of having a giant flower around its neck isn’t bad, but Venusaur’s just a little more interesting in concept.  But ultimately, I still really like this line.  Because it’s the worst starter line from a competitive standpoint.  It’s so bad it’s hard to use even in the main game.  This poor thing deserves love, and if you hate on them, you are a bad person.

CYNDAQUIL LINE Okay, real talk: Cyndaquil was my go-to as a kid.  It’s so cute!  It’s such a cool concept, too.  The evolution line is a little stale, though?  I know the other starters aren’t exactly much better, but it really feels like it’s just slowly elongating with no substantial differences between the forms.  Also, mono-Fire feels like a huge waste on such a cool concept.  Like, imagine if this thing got a secondary Electric or Ground type or something.  Yes, horrific 4x weaknesses, I understand that, but counterpoint: it’d be cool.  And that’s really what matters.  Not like Typhlosion’s exact copy of Charizard’s stats did it any favors to begin with.  Still, this line is probably my favorite of the generation for one, singular reason.  It’s not a reptile.  Every other starter up to this point was some kind of reptile!  Gen 1 had this whole dinosaur motif going on, and Chikorita’s basically a dinosaur thing while Totodile is an alligator...crocodile...thing.  Thank you, Cyndaquil, for being the most unique animal type of the starters.  Even if your evolution path is kinda boring.

TOTODILE LINE Totodile’s line is...interesting.  It starts out as a cute little critter, and as many evolutions do, becomes a huge hulking monstrosity in its final form.  Feraligatr is pretty cool, and I do think it’s interesting how it’s the lowest level for final evolution of all starters.  That was a neat trade-off.  But man, Croconaw’s design just looks...odd.  It’s probably supposed to be like an egg pattern, but it really looks like a weird caveman cloth print, and it doesn’t look great.  It’s like an awkward teen years before getting to be a fairly cool adult.

TREECKO LINE Treecko was always my least favorite of the Gen 3 starter lines, and I never really knew quite why I was so lukewarm about it.  Spoilers, I adore the other two, but Treecko never really stood out.  I think my comments on Cyndaquil gave me a realization as to why: it’s another reptile creature.  It’s a cool-looking evolution line, but it’s still a reptile.  And I’m about reptiled out.  Still, we have to admit that Grovyle is super cool, both because of its sleek design, and its role in Explorers of Sky.

TORCHIC LINE Prior to Gen 6 producing the greatest starter of all time, Torchic was my stated favorite.  Listen, Fire/Fighting was a cool typing back when it happened the first time.  It wasn’t until it kept happening that everyone got sick of it forever.  A kickboxing chicken is also just about the funniest way to go with the typing, too.  You can’t deny how imaginative this line is.  Plus, the first form is super adorable.  Tiny little chicken, doing its best.  I love it so...  And its final form looks nice, too.  Really, the designs of Gen 3 were all spectacular.

MUDKIP LINE Mudkip was the one that gave Torchic a run for its money.  Mudkip itself is super adorable and precious, and while it and all its evolutions can look a little dopey, they have a lot of charm in their design.  Plus, Water/Ground is an awesome typing.  Quagsire did it first, yes, but that didn’t make it any less cool.

TURTWIG LINE Believe it or not, I don’t have very strong opinions about most of the Gen 4 starters.  Like Gen 5, I feel like none of them stuck with me that strongly, and any playthrough of the game, I’m perfectly fine dumping the starter.  That said, if I had to pick a favorite of them, it’s Turtwig.  I guess I just like turtles.  It’s mostly the concept behind its final form that I love.  It carries a giant tree on its back, and packs a fairly unique Grass/Ground typing.

CHIMCHAR LINE And now the exact opposite.  From day 1, I never liked Chimchar.  First off, I do not like monkeys.  I just don’t.  Secondly, Infernape stole the exact same typing as Blaziken, which is not only shitty, but also really boring.  Every other starter so far has been fairly unique in typing choices, and this asshole is gonna just do the exact same thing as last gen?  Oh, I’m sorry, it gets to be way faster but a bit less strong but still really strong.  Fuck Infernape.

PIPLUP LINE Piplup is cute, though.  And having its final form be some emperor penguin that’s apparently made of steel is awesome.  Torterra is the favorite from this gen, but man, Empoleon had such a cool typing it was hard to not consider it the most interesting.

SNIVY LINE Snivy’s alright.  It had a solid design, and I can understand why Smugleaf caught on as the fan favorite.  That said, that’s kinda all it’s got.  Serperior is plain boring, and it’s the only Grass starter not to get Earthquake for coverage at any point.  The only thing to its name is Contrary, and somehow it’s on its way to being the highest competitively ranked Grass starter, even above Mega Venusaur.  Which just goes to show that competitive Pokemon is broken beyond all repair and we should probably torch it all and start over.

TEPIG LINE I can’t believe they gave us three Fire/Fighting types in a row.  I’m gonna say it: if Emboar had gotten literally any other typing, it’d be my favorite of this gen.  Not even a contest, really.  Emboar looks cool, and Tepig is adorable.  Sure, Pignite is...a little awkward of a design, but that’s fine, it stood up.  It’s not lying to me unlike some middle stage fire starters I could mention.  But the fact that it’s part Fighting means it’s a huge disappointment.

OSHAWOTT LINE Oh wait, except Oshawott is also a huge disappointment.  An adorable little otter to a cool samurai otter, to whatever the hell is going on with Samurott.  “Steve, it can stand on its back legs and has the sword thing so-” no.  No it does not.  You know why?  Because it’s not drawn like that.  If you wanted to keep the samurai thing going, it’d be drawn and displayed as bipedal.  Instead, you gave us water horse, whose special attack is higher than its physical attack.  This should’ve been the favorite of the generation, but that final form does not look good, does not make sense for the line, and is mono-Water.  Not even a dual typing to keep things interesting?  Sad.  So I guess I don’t have a favorite of Gen 5 starters.  Because none of them are consistently good.

CHESPIN LINE Gen 6 did many things wrong.  Starters were not one of them.  Chespin is adorable and wonderful.  People made fun of Quilladin, but really, it’s the same deal as Pignite: it looks a little awkward but ends on a high note.  Chesnaught looks great, and the paladin concept is great, giving it a lot of good support moves and a Grass/Fighting type that is never really good but is interesting.  I like it a lot, but it’s massively overshadowed by...

FENNEKIN LINE Behold, the greatest starter line ever made.  They gave me a fox!  A Fire/Psychic fox!  Do you know how long I had waited?  Literally since Ninetales.  Fennekin is adorable, Braixen is the sassiest thing ever I love it, and Delphox is still an excellent witch design.  If there is any flaw this line could possibly have, it’s that Braixen should have the Psychic typing and access to some of the tech Delphox does.  Oh, and that the evolution line is competitive trash and has gotten literally nothing of value while a certain bastard-ass frog gets like 12 different favors over nothing.

FROAKIE LINE This is the worst starter line of all time.  Froakie itself was fine.  The idea of going ninja-theme on the frogs?  Fine.  I don’t care about ninjas at all, but fine.  That should’ve been the end of it.  But no.  It could’ve been just as simple as “not my preference” and move on.  And it should be.  But instead, they give it Protean, one of the most broken abilities in the series, on top of its blistering speed.  Hell, in ORAS, they gave it Gunk Shot, which rounded its coverage so perfectly it got banned to fucking Ubers.  So obviously, we went too far, right?  Time to dial it back.  Haha, idiot.  In the change to Gen 7, they give its multi-hit priority move a special designation instead of physical, because god forbid this bougie-ass frog have to work for anything in its goddamned life.  Oh, and we gave it a special snowflake form based on the anime, that gets like 50 more base stat points than a goddamned mega evolution.  Because, again, god forbid this bougie frog have to work for a damned thing in its life.  I thought it was blatant favoritism that Charizard got two megas.  I thought it couldn’t get any more obvious who their favorite starter was.  I was a goddamned idiot.  They could’ve gone way harder, and they did.  Greninja deserves nothing but getting its ass nerfed into the ground where it belongs.

ROWLET LINE You know, I actually wish the Rowlet line was better than it is.  Rowlet itself is cute, and while the final form’s design isn’t really my thing, the concept of it being an extinct bird and thus being part Ghost is...morbidly hilarious.  It’s also an archer!  That’s really neat!  But...it’s not very good.  I blame the speed.  Why did they want to make everything so bulky offensive this gen?  It didn’t work.  Whatever their reason, it’s a nice enough evolution line that just doesn’t quite hit the mark for me.

LITTEN LINE Ooooh boy, okay.  Look.  Litten’s super cute.  Torracat?  I can work with that.  But Incineroar...  Oh my god it looks so weird.  I don’t know what it is.  I think it’s similar to Bewear, in that it really just looks like someone’s fursona, only instead of being a really bad and lazy fursona with no personality, it’s a surprisingly high-quality one with a backstory about being a wrestler that’s simultaneously endearing but also concerning how much effort was put into it.  I know it’s a fire-type thing to stand up in the final form, but maybe...you shouldn’t have.  Maybe you should’ve been like Samurott.  Actually, maybe the two of you should trade places!  Samurott should stand its ass up, and you should sits yours down.  Then everything would be fixed.  Forever.

POPPLIO LINE Were it not for Fennekin being an adorable fox with the best typing, this would be my favorite evolution line.  Popplio was cute.  Maybe a little odd looking, but still cute.  Brionne was one of the prettiest middle evolutions in starter history, and it ends on the most elegant thing in the world.  Primarina is gorgeous, and I adore it.  Much like Fennekin, if there’s any real detriment, it’s that the middle stage doesn’t get the secondary Fairy typing.  Then it would truly be perfect.