#point after everything I don’t know if I want anyone to

[pboogerswbb]

TOO LOST IN YOU - pt II

Paige Bueckers x bartender!oc (Valerie) (i know first part is x reader... i'm sorry for changing to an oc but it makes more sense in a multipart series)

playlist, part I

DISCLAIMER!: this is fanfiction (note the word FICTION), this is not a true depiction of what i think paige is like, this is purely fiction for entertainment purposes

Warnings: toxic!paige, language, some sexual thoughts but no smut in this one (sorry guys), paige is an asshole fr

Wordcount: 4.9k (sorry)

A/N: i got so much love and so many people asking for more after the first part <3 ty all i'm so grateful! this will likely be around 7 parts so please buckle up lol. ALSO I'M SORRY FOR NO SMUT but let me cook guys it'll get good. the point of this part is to get inside paige's head and understand why she is the way she is, things will speed up in the next part i swear. OK GO READ ILYSM MWAH

-

It’s hard being Paige Bueckers. Not every 23-year-old had to deal with the kind of pressure I did. Most of the time it felt like the whole world was watching me, waiting for me to fail. It used to bother the shit out of me but after all the injuries, everything I’ve been through, I thrived on it. I knew I would prove them wrong - prove that I’m great, that I’m me. Just like my dad would tell me, over and over again. I knew I was great, so greatness was expected. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t come with a great deal of pressure. I always said pressure is a privilege. But sometimes when I lay in bed alone after a game, even a win, the pressure consumed me. I didn’t like to be alone. So I went around different girls’ beds, like they meant nothing. Because they didn’t - they were just a distraction from my own mind. Like I said, it’s hard being Paige Bueckers - hard being me.

“You okay babe?”

I’m shaken out of my thoughts, returning back to earth, back to the small bed I was lying in. The brunette next to me nuzzles her nose into my arm, watching me with that look I knew too well. Like she wanted something from me. I hated when girls looked at me like that.

I clear my throat, trying not to flinch as she wraps her arm around me. “Yeah Zoe, ‘m fine,” I murmur, letting her press herself to my side, her body sticky from our prior activities. Zoe was a cuddler, so she was usually last on my roster. It’s hard to plan your escape when a girl clings to you like a koala and worst of all, wants to sleep like that all night. I never got that, cuddling while sleeping. It gets hot, sweaty and cramped, I find it hard to believe anyone actually enjoys it. People just think they do because they’re in love or something. And I can’t afford to be in love. I had a natty to win.

Zoe’s slender finger brushes through my blonde hair and I can feel that claustrophobic, uncomfortable tightness inside me. Like I had to get out. Her dorm was dim and the air was heavy and slightly humid from the second round I had insisted on. The sheets stuck to my skin uncomfortably and her bed made this annoying sound everytime I moved or even breathed.

I turn my gaze to Zoe who’s looking at me, all googly eyed. Oh God. She smiles wide and presses a kiss to my cheek. The scent of her shampoo lingers in the air, the smell of banana and some kind of citrus. I had never liked banana scented things.

“Uh, anyway that was fun,” I mumble, and sit up on the bed, forcing her off me as gently as I could. “But I got practice early,” I add, reaching for my t-shirt and throwing it on.

I don’t notice the offended look on Zoe’s face. I grab my phone from the floor, checking my texts urgently.

Yo you tryna do a lil sum tonight?

I know ur not workin sooo we could have a lil fun like we did the other day

Valerie?

I sigh, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten as I stare at the read receipt underneath the texts. I tap on the back of my phone case impatiently, wondering if sending a fourth text would make me pathetic. Maybe I should just call her? Nah, I must be trippin.

Since I met her at Ted’s, Valerie was the first I called when being in my bed alone was tearing up my mind. But it didn’t mean anything, she was good in bed, good at making me forget who I was when I needed to. Also, I liked how she smelled, like coconut. And when she tangled her legs with mine I didn’t shutter or pull away. Sometimes I even wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into me. Not because I needed her. But because her body felt good against mine.

“Aw baby really?” Zoe whines in an overtly soft voice, wrapping the blanket around her as she scoots up on the bed. Her plump bottom lip, swollen from the rough kissing earlier turns into a pout. I quickly avoid her gaze, my eyes landing right onto the floor looking for my pants. “I wanted to cuddle.” Figures.

“I know baby, me too,” a lie, she would never know that though. “Can’t keep my hands off you if I stay tho and I need some sleep.” I lie more, never looking at her. She buys it though, like she does every time. It’s not like I liked to lie, but I also didn’t like disappointing people. Especially girls that looked at me like that. It would kill her to know I texted three girls after Valerie didn’t answer, and the only reason I was here was because Zoe was the fastest to reply..

I leave Zoe like that, naked in bed, pleading with her eyes. Sometimes I felt bad, because I could tell she really liked me. But then I remembered how hard it is to be Paige Bueckers, and I didn’t feel so bad. My job was to be great on the court. Everything else was just background noise.

-

I sit by the court, my chest heaving, throwing my head back to down some water. The squeaking of sneakers echo all around me, blending in with the sound of Geno’s voice screaming at some of the girls working on plays. Coach had been killing us today, not happy with how the last game had went. We had still won, but that was merely a reason to celebrate in his eyes. 

All day I’d been missing shots that should’ve been child’s play for me. I couldn’t help but beat myself up. I was distracted, unfocused. I had been killing myself on the court, hoping it would bring me to my senses. Geno had been the one to tap me on the shoulder and force me to take a break I wipe the sweat off my face into the inside of my shirt, and grab my phone.

Bro are u alive?

I’m gettin worried lowkey

i’m fine paige

Five days. For five days Valerie hadn’t texted me back anything but that. I clench my jaw in frustration, shaking my head to myself. It made no sense to me - yeah we had a falling out but that’s what we did. We bickered and then we kissed and made up, and that’s what we had been doing for months so why was she acting like this now? Well… maybe calling her a psycho bitch last week hadn’t been the best move on my part.

I don’t know why the things she did bothered me so much. When she didn’t laugh at my joke, when she didn’t answer my texts. I don’t know why I felt a constant nervousness swirl inside me when she was mad at me, I had no reason to care. I guess the pussy was just that good, it was tricking me into thinking I did.

“Va-le-r- oh that’s the girl from Ted’s!” KK slams her hands on my shoulders, coming up from behind me, peeping at my phone screen. In a panic, I lock my phone, hiding it from her view.

“Bro, you heard of privacy?” I complain, shoving her playfully as she sits next to me on the ground. KK snickers, her nose scrunching a little as she does. 

“Not since you started peeing with the door open,” the shorter girl next to me argues and I scoff loudly, my mouth wide open.

“One time! And I was drunk!!” I groan, my voice rising a little and eyes going wide. CD quickly turns around and shushes us, shaking her head. Me and KK quickly shut our mouths, my cheeks turning a little red from the scolding.

KK looks at me with raised brows, and then at the phone, and then at me again. Most of the team knew how I kept myself busy when I wasn’t training, but KK was the one who had joined me those countless times at Ted’s and sat with me at the corner table as I watched her. Valerie. There was something so intriguing about her I just had to keep coming back. I always thought once I’d get her to my bed and have my way with her, I’d be done with her, which is how it usually goes. Before I realised that one time turned into five, which turned into me being in her bed getting her right, not even caring about my own most of the time. Getting her off got me off. Just thinking about the way she looked when she came, the way her back arched, her perfect mouth fell open - I really had to stop thinking about her. Why was it so goddamn hard?

It won’t be hard to find another Valerie if she’s gonna keep this difficult act up.

“Girl trouble?” KK asks, her tone more genuine and I roll my eyes, looking at her sideways.

“Yea right,” I chuckle sarcastically, leaning my elbows to my knees. “Just need to find a new one is all.”

KK lets out a small laugh, sipping her water bottle. “The five you got not enough?” She jokes.

I smirk a little glancing at her. “Four,” I correct, as if that made it better somehow. “Just need someone… new,” I mumble, knowing it was the best bet to get my mind off Valerie. I’m sure eventually I’d find someone who was just as hot. Someone who also smelled like coconut.

“Then what do I say to Zoe.”

“Wh- Zoe?” 

KK nods and grins at me. “She texted me asking about your shoe size or sum, wanted to get a gift for you.”

“She- she what?” My voice is full of shock and I can feel the claustrophobic tightness quickly grow inside me. I had never given her KK’s number. She was doing too much. KK just nods, clearly finding the situation amusing.

“Bro…” I groan quietly, as to not piss off CD again, and lean my head forward, resting my forehead against my arms. Zoe clearly hadn’t understood what “just fucking around” meant. Sometimes shit slipped out of my mouth, sure, but I never let her think I liked her. I had to be careful with her.

KK kisses the her teeth and is still nodding. “Yeah… probably time to let her go huh?”

“That bitch is crazy I swear,” I murmur and KK laughs out loud again. I punch her arm, reminding her to keep quiet - an impossible task for KK. Before I can stop myself, the words just slip from my mouth.

“Ted’s tonight?” 

KK looks at me pointedly. “Valerie workin’?” she teases but I shake my head sternly.

“No man, fuck Valerie.” The words tasted bitter in my mouth. “Just need to find a new one, k?”

“You sure you’re not just gon’ ogle at her all ni-”

“KK.” I say sternly

KK nods. “Ok,” she repeats but I can tell from her tone she doesn’t buy it. She shuts up though knowing she could tease me about anything but anything about Valerie got under my skin. Truth was Valerie was working today. I just needed to see her just for a second. Just to know if I was overthinking it, or if she was really icing me out.

-

The Friday night had brought many other students to Ted’s as well, the bar pretty packed and the chatter loud over the music. KK had convinced Ice to join us so the three of us made our way in. The best thing about crowds was it made it easy to blend in, even for us. We push our way through to the bar, my eyes immediately searching for a glimpse of Valerie’s golden brown hair or her wide eyes. All I needed was to see her, I told myself. Even for a second. Then the twist in my stomach would straighten out.

“What can I get you?” The perky voice of the redhead asks over the buzzing crowd. I think her name was Natalie or something. Ice looks over the flyers on the bar, advertising a range of new drinks.

“Let’s try some of these,” Ice suggests and I grab the flyer from her hand. I didn’t really come here to drink so I couldn’t have cared less what we ordered. Especially now I realised Valerie wasn’t even here.

“Uhh yea can we get three Aperol Negronis,”

“You won’t like it,” a stern, but sweet voice interrupts the conversation. I’d recognise that voice anywhere.

Valerie steps out from the back, pinning her hair away from her face and for a moment our gazes meet. Her dark, wide eyes make me let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. For a moment I want to jump over the bar and touch her, to make sure she was really there and not just a mirage of my desires.

“W-why not?” I ask, my voice uncharacteristically shaky. Only with her I got like that. Suddenly my throat felt dry and the nervous twist in my stomach was turning into something you could only call butterflies. Of course I knew it couldn’t be butterflies, because that would mean I cared. I couldn’t afford to care. I didn’t have the time for distractions. I had a national championship to win.

Valerie scoffs looking away from me, ignoring me as I chase her gaze. “Because I know you won’t,” she says. The way she thought she knew me that well irked me. Still, I’d be lying if I said a part of me wasn’t beaming at the fact that I had her attention after a week of trying to chase her down.

I can’t help the pout that forms in defiance. She’s still ignoring me, pouring drinks for a group of boys clearly ogling at her - which only irked me more.

“Well… I want three of them,” I say matter of factly, trying to prove a point.

“Whoa Paige, maybe we should just get a shirl-” Ice chuckles but I shake my head.

“Three Aperol Negronis,” I dictate. Valerie’s stern eyes finally look at me. She looks almost a little scary, not pleased with my tone. “... please.” I add urgently, not wanting to get on her bad side. I guess some would say I already had.

Wordlessly, Valerie rolls her wide eyes and gets to mixing the drinks. I allow my eyes to wander for a moment, noticing how the white shirt of the work uniform hugged her body, the curve of her breasts making my mouth water. Just seeing her was enough to ignite the fire deep in my abdomen. The things I would do to leave with her tonight and take her to my bed, like I had so many times before. I would even settle for just some kissing. Just wanted to let my hands wander down her body, squeeze and feel where I wanted, with no urgency. I needed to feel all of her, wanted to drown in her.

“By card orrr…?” Valerie asks, clearly waiting for the payment. My eyes had gone glassy, and my lower lip had a small dent from the way I’d been biting down on it. I blink stupidly at her, struggling to calm myself down.

“I got it,” KK murmurs and slides her card to Valerie. I grab my drink, and the smell is enough to make my face scrunch up in disgust. I swear it smells like battery acid, and as I take a sip I notice - it also tastes like battery acid. I swallow the orange liquor, it burns on its way down making me cough a little. Valerie was watching me amused. I hated when she was right.

“People actually drink this and like it??” Ice asks, her voice hoarse from coughing as well. KK nods agreeing but I’m too stubborn to admit defeat.

“I actually like it,” I lie with a straight face, my fingers twitching around the glass as I try to get over the bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

“Oh right,” Valerie says, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she turns to another group of customers. I can’t help reach over the bar, my hand grabbing her arm. She turns back to face me, icier than I had ever seen. It shocks me enough that I let go of her, taken aback.

“What?” she asks, her voice filled with annoyance.

“You seen my texts?” is all I ask, and it comes out a little too desperate for my liking.

“Yes,” Valerie says matter of factly. I wait for her to continue but she doesn’t.

“Uh… well thought we’d link up or something,” I add, shifting on my feet as I do.

Valerie sighs in frustration and takes a deep breath to compose herself.

“I’m good,” is all she says and flashes me an ice cold smile. I feel a strange pang in my heart. She had iced me out before, but not like this. Usually seeing her face to face was enough for her to forget our petty little arguments, enough to get her on me again. “I have work,” she adds before finally returning to serve the other customers.

I stand there for a moment, astonished. An uncomfortable ache that had been wavering in my chest was growing too intense for me to ignore anymore. Maybe it was all my fault after all. I had told her I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else and in the moment I had meant it. But then I remembered the stakes. Last year to win a national championship, last year to prove my greatness. I wasn’t going to mess it up just because of some girl. A relationship would be nothing more than a distraction, an unnecessary responsibility. I had enough on my plate. Valerie was selfish for wanting me all to herself. She didn’t understand what she was asking for. Maybe calling her a psycho bitch wasn’t so far off.

I feel someone bump into my back and turn around to find a girl, cheeks blushed and apologetic. I see her eyes widen in recognition - it was always that moment when I knew I could have this girl if I wanted. 

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, I’m a little drunk,” the girl giggles and I offer her an easy smile. I consider taking this girl home, imagining the way I’d lure her into my bed, just a little bit of sweet talk and a smirk would be enough, a hand on her waist, thumb rubbing her skin and soon she’d get this look on her face like she had to have me. It would be so easy, and I wouldn’t have to think about Valerie at all.

But the pain in my chest doesn’t go away, even when I let my mind wander further, how this girl would look underneath me, whimpering while I fuck her. It did nothing to make the pain go away.

“‘S fine,” i murmur and decide to ignore the way she was blinking at me, biting her bottom lip. I grab my drink from the bar, and push past her, finding KK and Ice sitting at our usual table. They both look at me, but don’t ask where I’d been. They both knew better. I sip my drink, cursing to myself in my head about ordering it. With sheer stubbornness I finish it quickly, finding that easier than taking small sips. 

“You’re never picking what we drink again,” KK scoffs, copying me, her face scrunching involuntarily when she finishes her drink. But I barely register her words, as I lean back in the chair, head tilting back to watch Valerie.

She’s giggling with Natalie, throwing her head back in amusement. The chatter in the bar is deafening, but I swear I could hear her laugh in my head vividly. Like my brain had memorised each tone of her voice. There was something different about Valerie, she always shined the brightest in every room she was in. Even the dingy bar was lit up by her. She wasn’t even necessarily extremely lively. It was her mere presence that just made everything better. 

I noticed it the first time I ever saw her, early september. All she did was walk past me on campus, talking lively into her phone. It was her voice I had heard before even seeing what she looked like. Her voice had been enough to make me have to see her. Of course she hadn’t even looked my way, not even a glance. That was the moment I knew I had to have her.

“You enjoy it?” Valerie asks KK and Ice, fully ignoring me as she walks to our table to clean up. I watch the golden bracelet she always wore dangling on her wrist as she grabs the empty glasses. I lean back and tilt my head to look up at her, needy for her attention. Licking my lips I look her up and down, that usually worked enough to get her naked. But now, she didn’t even glance at me. Annoyance grew within me as she chatted with KK, laughing at her jokes.

It was then when my eyes moved from her lips to her neck that I saw it - a dark bruise underneath her ear, right on the spot where she liked to be kissed. I knew, because I had left many bruises there and gotten scolded for it. But this wasn’t mine. This was someone else’s.

“Okay well see ya around,” Valerie smiles and turns to take the glasses to the back. I feel the pang in my chest quickly flip, turning into anger. I was furious. Who did she think she was? Sleeping around with someone else, not answering my texts, letting someone else mark her like that. I felt my body turn hot, and without a word to KK and Ice I get up from my seat, nearly knocking it over as I take quick strides to reach Valerie, following her into the back, ignoring the STAFF ONLY sign on the door.

My steps are heavy and loud as I reach her, standing by the sink, handling the dirty glasses. I was shaking my head to myself, trying to control my anger. But it was getting the best of me.

“Staff only plea-” Valerie starts and turns to me, unable to miss the redness of my face, the clenched jaw and the way I was biting on the insides of my cheeks. “Paige?” she asks, furrowing her brows, confused.

The pounding in my head grows and I let out a scoff, not feeling in control of myself. My brain was moving faster than I could follow, I felt lightheaded. I felt furious. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask, my voice loud. I didn’t really care about being overheard.

“Huh?” Valerie asks, clearly bewildered, but already getting defensive in response to how I was acting.

“What, you don’t text me, call me or nothing? Because you’ve been too busy fucking some other bitch?” I yell, my hand pointing to her neck. Valerie’s eyes widen in realisation but quickly turn angry too. 

“I- WHAT?” She yells back and takes a step towards me.

“Don’t play dumb. So who is it?” I say sternly, grinning bitterly at her, my eyes looking down at her.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes shaking her head which only infuriates me more.

“I said. Who. Is. It?” I repeat, grabbing her arm. She pushes my hand off her, anger growing on her face as her brows furrowed further.

“How is it any of your business who I sleep with Paige?” She argues.

She had a point. We weren’t exclusive. Matter of fact it was pretty hypocritical of me to be so angry when I had a roster of girls on my phone, ready to answer my calls at any time of day. My anger had taken over though, and the little sense I had when it came to Valerie, was completely gone.

I throw my head back and chuckle bitterly, provoking her further. “See I knew you’re a lotta things but didn’t know you were a slut too,” I hiss, the words slipping out without much thought. I couldn’t think of anything but how furious I felt.

Valerie laughs loud, but it’s not the sweet laugh I was used to. It was a bitter, angry laugh.

“Me?! You’ve slept with every girl that swings your way on campus and even some that don’t! You’re the slut Paige!” she screams, her wide eyes burning with anger, her finger coming up to point at my face. It pissed me off, the way it was assigning blame, like all of this was my fault. Like it wasn’t she who slept with someone.

“I don’t owe you anything!” she declares, her voice revealing a hint of hurt, the way it cracked slightly. “I’m done with you. I’m serious Paige. Done,” she adds, her voice calmer, but more authoritative. “Now get out of my bar.”

My face was hot and red, my chest was heaving and my head spun. The hurt in her voice made me waver, made my chest ache more. I blink at her stupidly as she turns back to the dishes, already missing having her attention. I was fine with the yelling, the fighting, as long as it meant she was looking at me, or talking to me. But now she’s done with me? Fine, so was I. Wouldn’t take me longer than a day to find a new Valerie.

“Pshh whatever,” I murmur and storm out of the back, heading fast towards the exit. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt tight and I could taste the bitter Aperol on my tongue still. It made me nauseous,

I’m gasping for air once I feel the chilly breeze of february hitting my skin. The silence outside was overwhelming, forcing me to realise the rapid pace of my own thoughts. My mind was swirling with flashing images of Valerie, on top of someone, looking down at her like she did at me, the idea of her moaning someone else’s name made me sick.

“Fuck!” I shout, unable to control myself. A group of girls near me turn to look at me but return to their conversation when I sit myself down on the curb. What a standard I was setting for student athletes everywhere right now.

My eyes burn and before I notice, a tear rolls down my cheek. I bury my face into my hands and rub my jaw, my anger easing with each exhale. I didn’t know why I was crying, I didn’t understand any of this. I couldn’t believe the things I had said, the way I had acted. I was supposed to be disciplined, in control, but I felt so out of control when it came to Valerie.

“Paigey…” KK murmurs and suddenly I realise her and Ice are standing in front of me, looking down at me sympathetically. Embarrassed, I wipe the tears away and try to steady my breathing.

“Uhh sorry just gimme a sec guys,” I sigh looking at the ground. They sit on either side of me, wrapping their arms around me. I lean into Ice’s shoulder and I’m grateful how they don’t pry, or talk. We just sit there in silence for a while.

I take a deep sigh and lift my head back up, chewing on my bottom lip. I glance at both of the girls sitting next to me, grateful for the friends I had. At least I got one thing right.

“I dunno what just happened,” I sigh, shaking my head thinking back to my behaviour. The shame I felt made my cheeks turn a shade of red.

KK chuckles softly and ruffles my hair affectionately. “I do,” she mumbles.

I furrow my brows and turn to look at her. She looks back at me like whatever was about to come out of her mouth was obvious. KK and Ice glance at each other before KK opens her mouth to speak.

“Bro you have feelings for her.”

Oh?

Oh.

My mouth parts in realisation as I move my gaze from KK to the pavement. It’s just us now, sitting in silence, the sounds of passing cars and the muted sounds of the bar the only noise in the chilly evening.

“C’mon P boogers, let’s go home,” Ice says, standing up and reaching a hand down to lift me up. 

KK hops up and nods. “You need some Tru Fru,” she adds.

With a nod, I let them pull me up, following them to the car. I had feelings for Valerie. Shit. I'd just have to find a way to get over it - I couldn’t afford all this. Not right now. Not with the world watching, waiting for me to fail. Not with a national championship on the line.

-

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NEXT ONE WILL BE HOTTER I PROMISE

[theesteppenwolf]

More Lucanis rambles because I’m still thinking about it and got nothing better to do :P

I am not here to tell anyone how to feel but putting words into peoples mouths who criticize the Lucanis romance (or Lucanis in general) for being unsatisfactory by saying;

“You don’t know what a slow burn is/ it’s because you expected zevran / you don’t get it he’s traumatized/ you just wanted something spicy and didn’t get it so now you’re mad” etc.

Is completely disregarding the fact that his lack of reactions and lack of content actually led people to believe he is bugged. Most DA fans didn’t expect spice or steam or whatever but they did expect an effective story, one they didn’t get.

This is at the end of the day a visual storytelling medium and implication will only get you so far, if i have to start thinking up entire plotlines in my head to make sense of the story or relationship progression then they failed at good storytelling. If i have to write paragraphs of explanations that the game doesn’t even remotely touch on then that isn’t a slow burn, it’s just a lack of content and poor pacing.

If he is traumatized and reluctant because of it you have to give me a scene where i can actually read that. If he is awkward and doesn’t know how to react to flirting you have to exaggerate to an extent for people to tell. If there is longing and angst give me banter that reflects it.

A romance in a game should give me some kind of deeper personal insight into a character and if i have to do the writers job and in my head think up those insights then the actual romance is mostly moot. I’m not saying give me all the details i’m saying at the very least give me a jumping point, some info buried in the game i won’t get otherwise. His romance fails at this.

Mary Kirby was fired yes and it’s awful what happened but unfortunately the product still remains and it leaves a lot to be desired for a big amount of people. When players are straight up going back on saves to romance someone else it’s a real problem. For me, it soured my first playthrough, especially later when i saw how Davrin and Emmrich had content, convos, specific romance outings and at the bare minimum actually had a noticeable reaction to flirting dialogue.

Again I’m not telling anyone how to feel, if it works for you that’s awesome, but to disregard his obvious lack of content by calling other fans basically stupid is incredibly disingenuous.

I love his character, loved it since The Wigmakers Job and he is still my favorite after my first playthrough. I think the beginning of his romance was very promising and the end is great but everything else is missing I’m sorry. His romance was not well executed and i honestly don’t think his character really was either. (But i won’t vent about that right now)

I know what a slow burn is, i was not expecting Zevran, i did not want a steamy romance. I wanted a well executed story and i didn’t get one. I am critical because i think it could’ve been great, i still love the game and i am not shitting on it, his character or other fans i just hate wasted potential.

[samandcolbyownme]

The perchance of rafe smut?😝😛🫡

Summary: Reader risks her friendship just to be with the one she came to love most

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, sneaking around, flirting, kissing, unprotected car sex, creampie, hair pulling, choking, biting, general filth with fluff

Word Count: 4.5k | unedited

𓂃 ོ𓂃

“Come on.” Kie kicks the end of your bed, “We gotta go.” She yawns, forcing a yawn upon you, “What time is it?”

She looks down at her phone, “It’s seven.”

“Kie.” You shoot up in bed, staring at her, “We were to be there at seven!”

“Oh shit.” Her hands slap her thighs and you quickly get up, running around your room to find your clothes, “Fuck, we have to wash the Cameron’s Yacht today.”

You grab your swimsuit top, turning around to rip your baggy shirt off your body, “I hope Ward isn’t there bitching.”

“Knowing him. He probably is.” Kie sighs, “I thought something felt off.”

After putting your shirt back on, you slide your jean shorts up your legs and button them over your swim bottoms, quickly walking over to slip on your sneakers. You turn your head as Kie speaks, “If Rafe is there, we’re fucked.”

“Why do you say that?” You look over at her and she raises her brows, “Everything has to be perfect for that fuckin’ kook.”

You nod, “Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” You grab your phone and slip it into your pocket, “Alright, ready?”

She nods and you both take off down the hall and out the door.

“Hey where are you-“

“Can’t talk, JB. Gotta run to work. We’re late.” You yell as you and Kie run by the Twinkie.

“I can give you guys a ride!” He yells back, but you and Kie just keep running. You weren’t too far from the marina, luckily.

“Almost there.” Kie huffs, “Fuck, we should have just let John B give us a ride.” You laugh as you slow down from a run to a walk, nodding as you take a deep breath, “Yeah, yeah. That would have been.. a better idea..”

She nods, walking down the hill to the dock, you on her tail.

“Ward’s yacht is over there.” She points as you bend down to grab the buckets and rags, “Is he there?”

She makes a visor with her hand, shaking her head as she looks down at you, “No, I don’t think anyone is here.”

“Good. We got lucky.” You stand up, handing her a bucket with water, “Let’s just.. get started before anyone knows we were late.”

You walk down the dock, kicking off your shoes before stepping onto the expensive boat. You set the bucket down and point, “I’ll work down here if you want to go up there?”

“Sounds good.” She takes her bucket and climbs up the steps. You walk over to the side, working on wiping down the seats.

𓂃 ོ𓂃

After an hour of working, Kie taps the boat, “Hey, Incoming.” You look up at her and she points, turning your attention to the man climbing aboard the still boat.

“You missed a spot.” Rafe points, “Yeah, uh, right where your hand slapped the side of my boat.”

Kie scoffs, “Don’t you have anything better to do than come bother us while we’re working, Rafe?” He glances from her to you and shrugs with a smirk, “I mean, last time I checked, this is my boat..” He looks back up at her, “..so, I can come and go as I please, right?”

“Whatever.” Kie scoffs, shaking her head as she walks away from the edge. “Yeah, Rafe. Couldn’t this wait until we were done. You’re just tracking more dirt in.”

You fight back a smile as he walks up to you, “Relax, okay.” He tilts his head, smirking as his eyes bounce from your bikini top back up to your eyes, “I just need to grab something for my dad.”

You playfully roll your eyes, turning your head as his hand drags across your bare lower back as he moves behind you to the cabin.

You didn’t hate Rafe, not in the slightest. You only had to pretend to because if your friends found out you were secretly seeing Rafe Cameron behind their backs, they would absolutely lose it - big time.

Yes, Rafe was a total asshole, but never to you. In fact, he was head over heels for you, and only you. He showed you his soft side, never raising his voice at you. Never taking his anger out on you - unless you asked him to, of course.

It was fun to play enemies while you were around your friends, it only made the love you had for each other grow stronger.

Your hand wiping down the wall comes to a slow stop as you feel a hand lay on your hip, dragging across your back again. You turn your head as he leans in to whisper, “I’ll see you later, alright?”

He quickly pecks your temple and walks away. You look back at him, scoffing in Kie’s direction when you hear her come down the steps, “Ridiculous.”

She rounds the corner, leaning against the side of the boat, “Tell me about it. he’s so..” she raises her voice, looking towards him, “Annoying!”

He raises his hand, flicking her off before walking down the dock.

“Yeah, literally.” You scoff, “I mean, did he even grab anything?”

“I’m not sure. Probably just wanted to piss us off.” She shakes her head, walking over to sit down, “How much more do you have to do down here?”

“I have to clean the inside and scrub the floor out here. Shouldn’t take too much longer.” You sit down next to her, glancing back at Rafe.

He looks up from the guy he’s talking to, smiling as he continues the conversation. You look back, tilting your head up toward the sky with your eyes closed, “You think he knew we were late?”

“I hope not.”

“How many more boats do we have to clean?” You look over at her and she groans, “Oh don’t remind me.” You laugh and stand up, holding your hand out, “Come on. I’ll put some music on.”

She whines as she takes your hand, “Fiiiine.”

𓂃 ོ𓂃

After the Cameron’s yacht, you had three more to do, which, instead of splitting off, you both worked together in the same area which cut down the time by a lot.

“Do you have plans after this?” Kie looks up at you and you shake your head, “Probably just going to get something to eat.”

“You read my mind.” She laughs, “I’m starving.”

“Hold on.” You smirk at her and make your way down into the cabin where the bedroom is. You’ve cleaned this yacht before, so you know where all the hidden snack drawers are.

You grab a few bags of chips and two granola bars, stopping when your phone buzzes. You pull it out, smiling when you see a text from Rafe, Is my girl okay? You seemed a little down when I seen you earlier.

You lean out into the small hallway before answering him, I’m good, just a little on edge. We were late this morning, scared I’m going to get in trouble.

You put your phone back into your pocket before making your way back up to Kie, “Here.”

“Oh hell yes.” She takes the small bag and rips it open, “I love you.” You laugh, “I’m sure they won’t mind, I don’t even think they’ll notice.”

You take your phone out of your pocket, fighting back a smirk as you read over the text from Rafe, You won’t baby I’ll make sure of it.

Kie moves to sit down to snack on her chips, “Remind me again as to why we’re doing this?”

You put your phone away and walk over to sit next to her, “Be..cause we’re hungry?” You pop a chip into your mouth and crunch down on it and she laughs, shaking her head, “No, no. This. Cleaning boats.”

“Oh, well. Thats pretty simple, because my family is a bunch of assholes, but you’re more family than they’ll ever be, and that’s why you’re here.” You smile at her and she smirks, “I just don’t get why your family want to live in the cut when they can get a place over in kook paradise.”

You shrug, “They’re humble with their money I guess. I don’t know. They want me to go to a prestigious school but I just want to live my life, so in that agreement, I make my own money until I’m ready to accept what they want for me.”

Partly why you loved Rafe. He loved you for you and understood that you were your own person.

“Well well.”

You and Kie jump to your feet, “S-sorry. We were-“

JJ stands there laughing, “Oh I got you guys good!”

“Fuck off, JJ.” Kie rolls her eyes, “That wasn’t funny.”

He laughs and sits down, kicking his feet up, “I thought it was pretty funny.” You push his feet off and wipe the upholstery, “Don’t get things dirty. We already cleaned in here.”

“Whoa, sorry.” He holds his hands up in defense, “Didn’t know you guys took this job that serious.”

“You do when your income relies on it, J.” You roll your eyes, looking around, “I don’t know. It looks pretty clean to me.”

“Done for the day?” Kie raises her brows and you nod, “Done for the day. Let’s go eat.”

𓂃 ོ𓂃

You quickly response to Rafe’s earlier text as JJ and Kie are up grabbing the food, Thank you baby. Can’t wait to see you later.

You sit up, tucking your phone between your thighs as you hear the sound of them laughing growing closer, “Here you go.”

“Thank you.” You take the bag from JJ and he plops down next to you, “So who’s getting beer for tonights bonfire?”

“Bonfire?” You ask, glancing from him to Kie, and she nods, “Yeah, John B has been planning one for a few days now, I told you about it didn’t I?”

You shake your head, “I don’t think so.”

“Oh don’t tell me you’re bailing on this.” JJ groans, “You can’t. You’re a pouge, y/n. That’s like.. like a sin to miss out on this.”

“I didn’t say I’ll miss it. I’m just saying, I’m tired so I’m not staying for the whole night.”

“Lame.” JJ groans, “But fine, I’ll accept that.”

Kie laughs, “You don’t work tomorrow, do you?” You shake your head, “No. thank god.” JJ slaps his hands on the table, “Then there you go. You can stay out late tonight and then sleep all day tomorrow. It’s what I do and it works out for me.”

You raise your brows, “Yeah, okay.” You stand up, “I’ll be back.”

“You runnin’ out on us?” JJ asks and you tilt your head, “I have to pee, J. Is that a sin, too?” You and Kie laugh as he shakes his head and you make your way to the bathroom.

You lock yourself in the stall and press your back against the wall as you type, John B is having a bonfire tonight and I’m supposed to go. I need a good excuse as to why I won’t be there.

You see the bubbles pop up and Rafe’s text comes through, Tell them that you’re doing something that can bring you a lot more pleasure than staring at a fire.

You laugh, biting your lip as answer, fine you’ve convinced me, I’ll meet you at the usual spot at six and I’ll wear that dress you like.

You put your phone back into your pocket and walk out, “I’m going to go home and get ready. I’ll meet you guys at John B in an hour?”

“Oh shit.” Kie looks at her phone, “It is three. He said to come over around five.”

“Well. I’ll be at John B’s.” JJ stands up, “I’ll get the beer. See you guys later.” You look at Kie, “My mom texted me when I was in the bathroom.”

“About what?” She tilts her head and you sigh, “Said she wants to have a chat with me.” You laugh, “Maybe we got busted for being late and they called my mommy.”

“Oh god, I hope not.” She frowns, “Well good luck.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” You turn around, letting out a sigh as you push open the door.

𓂃 ོ𓂃

You run your hands down over your dress, turning in your mirror as you give yourself a once over before grabbing your phone.

“Hey.” You call out, “I’m going to John B’s for a bonfire for a little bit.”

“How long are you going to be?” Your mom calls out from the living room, and you walk in, leaning against the door, “Few hours maybe?”

“Okay. Have fun.” She gives you a smile and you nod, turning to leave. You stop at the front door, turning around, “Actually, mom..” you walk back in and she looks up at you, “Yeah?”

“I don’t think I’m going to the fire. I’m going to go for a bike ride, think about college.”

She raises her brows, “Really?”

You nod, lying with full intent, “Yeah, if any of my friends show up, don’t tell them that. They’ll freak out. I want to be the one to tell them.”

She tilts her head, “What do you want me to tell them?” You shrug, “Just tell them that I went to bed or something, I wasn’t feeling good?” She nods, “You got it. Good luck.”

You turn around and walk to the front door, stopping to text Rafe, Fuck the bonfire. I’m coming now.

A smirk grows on your face as Rafe’s texts back, That’s my girl. On my way.

You make your way out the door and to your bike, looking around before pedaling away from your house.

After a few minutes, you smile when you see Rafe’s car parked in its usual spot and you come to stop, getting off to push it behind some trees.

You run around, getting in and immediately leaning over to press your lips to his, “I’ve missed you.” He smirks against your lips, “I can tell.” He chuckles as you sit back down, sliding his hand to your thigh, “God, you get prettier each time I see you.”

He smiles and starts to drive, “Where we goin’ baby?”

You shrug, smiling over at him, “Somewhere no one will find us for a while.”

He nods, giving your thigh a squeeze before he starts to drive. He drives up to a lookout, overlooking the night life filled figure eight, “How’s this?” He glances over at you and you smile, looking from his eyes to his lips, “It’s perfect.”

You unbuckle as you lean over, your lips crashing onto his.

You can hear your phone vibrating in your bag and you huff, “I didn’t tell them I wasn’t coming.” Rafe shakes his head, “I’m sure they’ll understand, baby.”

“I told my mom I was going for a bike ride to think about college.” You giggle, “But this is much for fun than that.”

“Don’t worry about them, okay.“ He kisses back your jaw, “Just relax and let me take care of you, alright? Nothing will happen, not when I’m around.” He lean back, “C’mere.”

You smile and climb over the console to straddle his lap. Your hands sliding up his chest to his shoulders as you lean back in to kiss him.

His hands slide down your sides and around to your ass giving it a squeeze, “Where’s my girl, huh?”

You bite your lip, sliding your hands down to undo the belt on his jeans, “Right here, baby.” Rafe sucks in a breath as you slip your hand into his boxers, nodding with a smirk, “Damn right.”

He reaches up, pulling you in by the neck to kiss you. You swallow his moans as your hand slowly moves up and down his cock, “a-alright, fuck, baby. Enough teasing me, yeah?”

You bring your hand up, collecting a saliva on your fingertips and rub it on the tip of his cock before lifting your dress up and moving to hover over his lap.

You reach down under, pulling your panties to the side before slowly sinking down into him. Your hands fling to his shoulders as your head falls forward to rest against his, “Fuck, Rafe.” You gasp, “Fuck, I’ve needed you.”

His grip on your hip tightens with one hand while he reaches up and tilts your chin up with the other, “Whenever you need me, baby. I’m all yours.”

You roll your hips, your jaw falling open as you feel the entirety of him stretch you out, “You feel so good.” Rafe groans lowly, watching your body move on top of his, “Yeah?”

You press your hand onto the center console, gripping his shoulder with the other one as you bounce.

“That’s it, baby, fuck.” Rafe rests his head back against the headrest, “Just like that.”

Your moans fill the car, the heat from your bodies fogging up the windows rather quickly.

Your walls squeeze his cock, begging for your release to come on quicker, “Fuck, I’m already so close.” A smug smirk slides onto his lips, “That good, huh?”

You smile, head tilting to the side as you roughen your bounces, “F-fuck, fuck, Yes.”

Your eyes lock onto Rafe’s and you watch as his jaw fall slack, groans leave his lips as your moans grow louder.

He slides his hand up to your neck, squeezing slightly as he pulls you in, “Cum for me, baby, please.” He practically whimpers, “God you feel incredible.”

You slide your hand up to his, squeezing to indicate you wanted him to choke you harder, and he does. You whimper as he follows through, his grip growing tighter as you gasp, “There.. There baby. Fuck.”

“That’s it.” Rafe groans, “So much better than a bonfire, right?” Rafe reaches down, pulling to recline his seat back and his hands move to your hips.

He holds you still as he bucks his hips upward, fucking you through your high, and all you can do is moan in response, “S-so.. much better, R-Rafe..”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” He grunts out, his lips moving to kiss up and down your neck, “Christ, baby. You have me about ready to cum.”

You laugh slightly, “That good huh?”

“Fuck yeah, baby.” He smirks and lifts his head to press his lips to yours, swallowing each of your moans with ease, just like you do in return with him.

“D-Don’t stop.” You whimper against his lips, “I-I’m almost there again.”

He wraps an arm around your waist, tightening his hold as he continues to thrust upward, “C’mon, baby. I got you.” He connects your lips with his, “I got you.”

You press your hand to the window, moaning out loudly as Rafe brings you to, and through your second high of the night. You look down at him, your hand coming up to ready on his cheek as you feel his cock twitch inside of you.

You press your lips to his, swallowing his moans as he pushes you down onto him fully.

Your lips move in a slow sync for a moment before you smile and sit up, “Well, that was fun.” You bite your lip as you go to move off of him, but he stops you, “Uh uh. Where are you going?”

“Back over to-“

“Nah.” He shakes his head and reaches down to lift you up. He reaches under your dress and fixes your panties before he fixes himself.

He pulls you down to lay on his chest and he kisses your head.

After a few moments of silence, Rafe takes a deep breath, “Are you really thinking about going to college?”

“I don’t think so.” You answer quietly, “That would require me to leave and honestly.” You sit up, laying your hand on his chest, “I don’t want to.”

He smiles slightly, laying his hand on yours, “You know I’d go with you right?” He scoffs, “I don’t know what it is about you, but I’d do anything for you.”

You smile, “Damn, I really do have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”

He shakes his head with a smirk, “Yeah, I guess you do.” His hand rub over your hip, “Look, I know I’m not really who you’d stay for.”

“Well yeah, you said you’d come with me, so.” You laugh slightly and he looks up at you, “I know.. those.. pouges are you friends and I-“

“Rafe.” You lay your hand on his cheek, “I’m risking everything for love, basically.” He furrows his brows, “What.. do you mean?”

You tilt your head, “What I mean.. is I know you guys don’t get along.. frankly, Rafe. They hate you.” You laugh slightly as he smirks, “I mean, yeah. I get it.”

You lay your hand on his cheek, “I’m risking my friendship with them to be here with you, because I love you.. and I know that.. that it’ll be a shock to them, and they might hate me, too, but no one has ever treated me the way you treat me and I just-“ you sigh, locking eyes with him, “Love.. you..”

His eyes scan your face before he nods, pulling you in for a kiss, “I love you.”

You smile against his lips, moving your hands up to cup his face, “You know.” You sit back, “You are such an asshole.. it’s kind of weird seeing you in this soft sweetheart mode.”

He tilts his head, furrowing his brows, “You’re pushing it.”

“Am I?” You tilt your head and he breaks, cracking a smile as he shakes his head, “No.” He sits up to kiss you and groans, “God, what is wrong with me. You’re like.. a drug that makes me sane.. Jesus Christ.”

He laughs and wraps his arms around you as he tilts his head to kiss you. You wrap your arms around his neck and giggle against his lips, “I wish we could just stay here forever.”

You look over to the window, reaching up to draw a heart. Rafe watches you, a smile resting on his lips, “If they were really your friends, they’d understand that I’m not trying to hurt you.”

He reaches up to tuck hair behind your ear, “It’s not what I want to do.”

You nod, “I know, baby. But with them it’s just..” you sigh, “it’ll take time.”

He shrugs, “As long as I still get to have you.”

You nod, “You’ll always have me.” You lean in, pressing a kiss to his lips, “You should probably get me back. They’re probably outside my house waiting for me.”

Rafe groans, “Fine, if you say so.”

You crawl back over to the passenger seat, pulling your phone from your bag.

Kie: are you coming?

Kie: hello? Where the hell are you?

JJ: a sin, y/n. A sin.

Pope: Kie said you were coming? What happened

JB: yo where the hell are you?

Kie: We’re coming to your house. We’re worried.

“Yep. Just as I said.” You sigh as you toss your phone back into your bag, “They’re going to my house.”

“What are you going to tell them?” Rafe asks, taking your hand into his, “You gonna tell them the truth, or..” he looks over at you and you shrug, “I think I’ll just tell them that I was thinking about collage.” You shrug, “I don’t know. I want to be honest with them, but I just know how they’ll react.”

“Tell them whatever you want, y/n, and if you want me to sneak in later, I will.” Rafe chuckles, “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

𓂃 ོ𓂃

“Where the hell have you been?!” Kie runs up to you, the guys following behind her. She hugs you before you even have time to get off of your bike, “Seriously a text would have been great.”

You get off of your bike and walk through the group of huddled friends, “I was just.. out.. thinking..”

“About what?” John B tilts his head as you turn around and JJ scoffs, “It better have been good enough to miss this fire, y/n.”

You glare at JJ and he raises his hands, “What? I’m just- it’s true!”

Pope shakes his head, “What ever is going on, y/n, we won’t be mad. We want to help.”

You look between them, looking at Kie, “Remember our conversation on the boat to-“ you sigh, “No I can’t do this.” You go to walk away but Kie stops you, “You’re thinking about it.”

You stare at her and the guys look between each other, confused.

“Thinking about.. what?” Pope shakes his head and you swallow, “College.”

“You’re thinking about leaving?” JJ asks and you shrug, “I don’t know, maybe?”

“No.” Kie shakes her head, “That’s not it, is it?”

You shake your head, “I just- no. I can’t tell you. Just.. go home, guys. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“No, you can’t just leave us on a cliff hanger like that.” JJ yells and right when you turn around, you see a car pull up and your heart skips a beat, “Fuck.”

“What’s he doing here?” John B asks and you all watch Rafe get out of the car, walking around to the group. You shake your head, “Rafe, I didn’t-“

He cuts you off, “Look, I love her and I promise to-“

JJ walks up, socking him across the jaw and you gasp, “JJ!” You run up and push him back, turning to look at Rafe, “You good?”

“Wait..” Kie scoffs, “What’s.. what do you mean you love her?”

“Are you and Rafe hooking up?” Pope asks and you nod, “We’ve been, but it’s a lot more than that.” You take a deep breath, “I’ve wanted to tell you, but I just know that it wouldn’t have ended well and I just-“

“Is that why you haven’t been busting our balls every time you’ve seen us?” John B asks and Rafe nods, “Y/n told me to lay off so.. I did.” He rubs his jaw, “Nice right hook, Maybank.”

JJ smirks, “Thanks.”

“This.. is so weird..” Kie shakes her head, “So you skipped out on the party to see him?”

“No, I skipped out on the party to talk to the only person I know who wouldn’t freak out about me bringing up the idea of college.”

“So did you come up with an answer?” John B asks and you nod, “Yeah. I’ll stay, but it’s not going to change anything between Rafe and I so if you have a problem with that.. that’s on you.”

They all stay silent and look around before JJ raises his arms, “I guess we’re having a non-voyage party then right?”

He claps his hands, “Back to JB’s we go!” He looks at Rafe, “And yeah.. as long as you really love her and treat her with the upmost respect, you can come, too.”

𓂃 ོ𓂃

Haven’t written for the obx in a while, I hope it’s up to par! I love you! Thank you for reading! I’ll catch you in the next one! 🖤

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[fairy-spring]

I’ve read over this essay several times over the past few weeks. It wasn’t because of a profound realization or anything, but more because with each successive read I was squinting my eyes harder and harder as I sat there thinking, “None of these words are in the bible.” I also had to dig around and find your proper, published essay from 2017, as this post is simply an abbreviated version of that publication which is missing essential points of your argument and kinda muddied the whole read for me.

You had another post in 2020 dabbling on Midna and Ganondorf’s interactions which, uh… I also had to read through several times.

I'm going to be courteous and put everything I mean to say under a read more, both for the sake of anyone who happens upon this post and for you, in case you don't feel a want or need to even look.

I think I have to start with tackling the crux of this essay: the thought that Ganondorf is gradually humanized during the entire four-phase battle with him, that Ganondorf was written as “an unquiet postcolonial ghost,” and that players are meant to experience, essentially, a hate crime.

“Throughout most of Twilight Princess, Ganondorf is characterized as a ruthless tribal warlord who attacked Hyrule because of his lust for power. As indicated by his monologues and gradual humanization over the course of the final battle, however, Ganondorf represents much more than simply an evil to be defeated. He is introduced to the player as a foolish man who became evil incarnate, and he does little more than scream in rage and pain when the player first sees him in a flashback. When he is allowed to speak for himself, however, he reveals himself to be highly intelligent with motivations that are not unsympathetic.” (The History of Light and Shadow)

While I do agree that Ganondorf may have motives rooted in the eradication of the Gerudo, the problem is that, in order to have this context, players must have played Ocarina of Time first.

Ocarina of Time really set in stone the animosity between the Gerudo and the other peoples of Hyrule, given how wearing the Gerudo mask evokes anything from townsfolk in Castle Town screaming in fear to Darunia straight up saying, “I hate the Gerudo!”

Without that context, however, any potential humanization in this aspect is lost, for lack of a better term.

I don’t know how else to explain that Wind Waker is masterful in its humanization of Ganondorf because it talks about Ocarina of Time. Ocarina of Time is the ghost haunting the narrative of Wind Waker. The game opens with a retelling of Ocarina of Time’s plot, Link is compared to the Hero of Time by elder deities such as the Deku Tree and Valoo, Daphnes constantly hammers in how Link was not chosen by the gods like OoT Link or even TP Link were, the boy has to hunt for the pieces of the Triforce of Courage that had shattered after the Hero of Time wound up in Termina, literally picking up the pieces the Hero of Time left behind! And when Link finally enters Hyrule Castle, what is there to greet him but the statue of the Hero of Time?

So, it makes perfect sense, then, that Ganondorf in Wind Waker would reflect on what led him up to this point. Of course he would think on his foiled plot, on the people he abandoned, the people who disappeared because of him. And of course, because he is so set in his ways and so stubbornly determined to fulfill his goal, Ganondorf wants not the Great Sea the goddesses left behind, but Hyrule. Because he’s always wanted Hyrule.

Perhaps more than any other game, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker is the true sequel to The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

In contrast, in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, the events of Ocarina of Time didn’t happen. Any reference to Ocarina of Time is referred to as “ancient,” as if hushed whispers from a distant past. While Wind Waker hammers Ocarina of Time over the player’s head with its plot beats, character interactions, and imagery, Twilight Princess functions more as an echo of Ocarina of Time. The gameplay is similar and Link bears a striking resemblance to the Hero of Time, but the game itself is largely separated from Ocarina, with Ganondorf as the enigmatic specter behind the scenes, a literal ghost story uttered by the petrified spirits of a forgotten age.

Because of this quiet refusal to discuss Ocarina of Time, players aren’t allowed to understand Ganondorf. It is why he feels so weakly written compared to his Adult Timeline counterpart. People in Hyrule today know nothing of the Gerudo. Link’s map refers to Gerudo Desert as “The Great Desert.” It is a forbidden place, only accessible via cannon as the main pathways are blocked off. The desert itself is empty, deprived of life or civilization, with the only places of note being a Sky Puzzle and the Cave of Ordeals.

It is a subtle horror, yes. The thought of an entire people, an entire culture and way of life being wiped off the face of the earth, erased by a country that refuses to discuss ancient sins and would rather focus on the everyday or on borderline cryptids like the Oocca is a poignant one. As you’ve said, it mirrors post-imperialist movements to censor or downplay unsavory moments in history, from American textbooks attempting to downplay slavery to Japanese efforts to wipe away thoughts of Korean comfort women.

But you need Ocarina of Time to understand it.

If any player is just as clueless as Link and going through this journey for the first time, Ganondorf is portrayed exactly the way the game wants him to be: as a menacing, power-hungry, evil man who puts himself above the gods themselves, given his defacing the effigies of the goddesses when Midna confronts him in Hyrule Castle’s throne room.

Furthermore, Ganondorf’s acts throughout the final battle do little to humanize him. In his first monologue, he:

Degrades Midna and her people and refers to them and the Fused Shadow as inferior beings and “petty magic”

Dangles Princess Zelda over Midna and Link's heads like a trophy

Puts himself on the same level as the goddesses by wielding one of their pieces and defacing the Royal Family’s images of them

Upon being met with defiance from Midna, then possesses Zelda as a means to personally hurt Midna and force Link to confront Zelda

credit for the above gifs goes to @hyrulehistoria on tumblr

On this last bullet in particular, it’s certainly… interesting that you stated this regarding Puppet Zelda:

“Ganondorf later possesses Zelda as a means of forcing Link to sheath his sword before a real battle can commence, and this hostage strategy is awful. Nevertheless, the bluntness of this ultimatum should have been effective. When Link proves that he will not hesitate to kill even Zelda herself, only then is Ganondorf overcome with rage.” (03/27/2020)

Whereas in actual gameplay, Link is incapable of harming Zelda’s body. The entire fight against Puppet Zelda is comprised of Dead Man’s Volley, where you’re turning Ganon’s magic against him and stunning him; or, simply evading Puppet Zelda’s attacks as Ganondorf has her flying sword first at you. During this entire fight, Link is unable to strike Zelda’s body with the Master Sword, nor can he fire an arrow at her. This first phase isn’t about killing Zelda; rather, it’s about incapacitating Ganondorf.

credit for above gifs goes to @sacredflames on tumblr

Link clearly shows visible relief when Midna squishes Ganondorf out of Zelda, I don’t know how you missed that one.

credit to @fuckyeahlink on tumblr

In phase two, Ganondorf doesn’t utter a word, instead morphing into Beast Ganon in an effort to destroy Link. When that doesn’t work, he enshrouds Hyrule Castle in twilight, where Link and Zelda would be incapable of battling Ganondorf directly. Midna then teleports the two out of Hyrule Castle and dons the Fused Shadow, facing Ganondorf alone.

When next we see Ganondorf, he is on horseback, and he has a new trophy: Midna’s helmet.

Everything up to this point paints Ganondorf as the “ruthless tribal warlord” the sages characterize him as. I genuinely don’t know how you saw Ganondorf explicitly regarding the Twili’s greatest power so lowly that he destroys it and practically tramples it with his ghost riders, and then said this:

“When we next see Ganondorf, he is holding Midna’s crown, which crumbles to dust in his hand. We think he’s killed Midna, but of course he hasn’t. Ganondorf has spared Midna’s life and obliterated the cursed artifact that transformed her into an uncontrollable monstrosity. This incident marks the last time we see Midna in her imp form, which means that the spell on her has now been lifted.

“Ganondorf has suffered through war, genocide, and unimaginable physical pain, yet he does not kill Midna, who has openly attempted to kill him. He takes the formidable weapon Midna has been assembling throughout the game and, instead of using it, destroys it.” (03/27/2020)

(Sidenote: Where on earth did you gather that the Fused Shadow is uncontrollable? Midna was simply inexperienced with it the first time she used its full potential, which is why she collapses after breaking the barrier surrounding Hyrule Castle. She used the Fused Shadow to squeeze Ganondorf out of Zelda’s body like a lemon, and seemed to have a perfectly good handle on it when using it to face Ganondorf alone.)

((Double sidenote: The very last time we see Midna in her imp form is after Ganondorf’s death, where she is sitting in Hyrule Field with the Light Spirits. That’s the whole reason why Link runs to her. Because the Light Spirits revived her. And they lifted her curse. Look, they even look at the camera like, “Heeeeeey, we got your girl~”))

((Did… Did you forget that?))

Just before the final phase of the battle, Ganondorf unsheathes his own blade, regarding Link’s as “impressive looking… but nothing more,” and then makes a declaration to “blot out the light forever.”

With his final words, Ganondorf hisses out, “Do not think this ends here… The history of light and shadow will be written in blood!”

You have interpreted these final utterings as a warning to Link and Princess Zelda:

“At the end of Twilight Princess, broken and defeated, Ganondorf still finds the strength to warn Zelda and Link about how a cycle of hatred has created a history ‘written in blood.’” (03/27/2020)

However, I choose to read it more as a final “Fuck you,” much in the same way that Demise’s curse in Skyward Sword could be read. However, both readings are mere speculation, not fact. We may never know the “true” meaning of Ganondorf’s words, which I quite like.

Now, I fully agree with the sentiment that, symbolically, Ganondorf is the ghost of the old world returning to terrorize a postcolonial country. However, at least in my interpretation, Ganondorf is not humanized by the game’s narrative. Any potential depth that Ganondorf has must be inferred, as according to plain text, he is simply the most evilest villain ever and must be stopped no matter what.

Is it the tired, racist stereotype of the barbaric, war-mongering brown man seeking to destroy the good and pure fragile kingdom? Yes, it very much is. It is sadly a very easy way for Nintendo to shorthand why Ganondorf is so evil and terrible and must be purged from this good and blessed nation. That said, I firmly believe that Ganondorf is portrayed exactly the way Nintendo wanted him to be: as an egotistical, self-righteous, manipulative man, who believes himself untouchable and deserving of Hyrule because he, too, was chosen by the gods.

Is there a hypocrisy to criticizing Ganondorf for holding godlike aspirations, when the descendants of the Goddess Hylia have held dominion over Hyrule for countless generations? Yes, there is. I won’t deny that. However, we must remember that Twilight Princess was released before Skyward Sword came along and did that; so, within the context of this game, Hyrule was just ruled by a royal family, not a goddess-blessed-mandate-of-heaven one.

All that aside, there is something else I need to mention, too: Why Midna shattered the Mirror of Twilight.

You have stated multiple times that Ganondorf’s death was wrongful, and it is that hate-filled death that makes Midna realize Hyrule has no place for people like Ganondorf or herself, which is why she chooses to shatter the mirror. You’ve also stated that Midna saw Link kill Ganondorf?

“… Link kills him anyway, and the cruelty of this act convinces Midna that it’s impossible for her to remain in Hyrule as an ethnic minority.” (10/20/2024)

“… but it is significant that this occurs immediately after she has witnessed the fight between Link and Ganondorf.” (… Light and Shadow)

Which, uh…

Midna was dead during that. I know a lot of people didn’t play Twilight Princess, so I need to reiterate: Midna was dead during that. She didn’t see that.

Even if she did, Midna literally wanted him dead five minutes ago. She declared to his face, “I will risk everything to deny you!” Why would Ganondorf’s death suddenly influence her to do something so drastic, if she wasn’t already thinking of this throughout the second half of the game?

I suppose there is a cryptic aspect to Midna’s final interaction with Link and Princess Zelda, wherein she states: “Light and shadow can’t mix, as we all know.”

Did Midna believe she will never belong in Hyrule? Did she, as you state, realize that “there is no room for ‘monsters’ in Hyrule[?]”

To land on this sentiment, however, is to forget a very literal aspect of Midna’s existence in Hyrule: Until she was blessed with light, whether it be from Zelda’s aspect or from the Light Spirits themselves, Midna physically could not live in Hyrule. In the first half of the game, when she isn’t in the twilight, Midna will retreat into Link’s shadow.

It’s the only place where she is safe; otherwise, the light will harm her. This is most evident when Zant turns the Light Spirit, Lanayru, against Midna, and the poor imp is hit with a full blast of concentrated light.

Like, the light literally almost killed her. It stands to reason that the other Twili would more than likely react the exact same way.

I guess in that way, you are correct. Midna quite literally does not belong in Hyrule, nor do the Twili. The thought is a heartbreaking one; to say that, biologically, you are the other. That you will never have a place here because you are built differently.

Along that same vein, though…

There… is room for monsters in Hyrule. For me to really bring this point home, I need to talk about the bulblins.

Now, bulblins are kind of your main goon in Twilight Princess. We have bokoblins and keese and deku babas, for sure, but bulblins are… different. From the moment we’re introduced to them, they are organized and coordinated. While bokoblins are shown as more “primitive” with their use of large clubs, bulblins have an array of weapons, from clubs with big old rocks attached to them, to riding on massive boars called bulbos to attack you whether on horseback or on the ground, to arrows that are dipped in oil and set ablaze. They literally set an oil trap for Wolf Link on the Bridge of Hylia and tried to burn him and Midna to death! Like… that’s so cool. Bulblins are so fucking cool, we never see monsters quite this intelligent ever again.

And I haven’t even brought up King Bulblin yet. Throughout the game, the leader of the bulblins is portrayed not as yet another monster to be eradicated, as we have with Zant and Ganondorf, but instead as a rival for Link. He jousts the boy twice on the Bridge of Eldin and the Bridge of Hylia, respectively; he battles Link just outside of the Arbiter’s Grounds with a giant axe, just after Link cleared out an entire camp of bulblins.

Is there something worth noting about the player aka Link killing all these monsters if they’re intelligent and sapient like people? Well, wouldn’t you kill a band of human thieves in Skyrim if they slighted you? Kidnapped your friends and family? Slaughtered your livestock and hung their horns over their giant gate as a personal taunt?

It is only after besting King Bulblin for the final time, in Hyrule Castle’s courtyard, that the leader finally concedes defeat, proclaiming, “I only follow the strongest!” He recognizes Link as an equal, and he agrees to back off. In the end credits, King Bulblin and his guys are riding around on their big old bulbos, no longer terrorizing innocent people.

Now, we could argue all day about whether they’re only allowed in Hyrule because Link one-upped them and these guys now consider themselves subservient to him. Regardless, the end credits show that even Bulblins belong in Hyrule. They, too, have a place here.

And if we go by Zelda’s final plea to Midna, so do the Twili.

“Shadow and light are two sides of the same coin… One cannot exist without the other. I know now why the goddesses left the Mirror of Twilight in this world. They left it because it was their design that we should meet. Yes… That is what I believe.”

But the thing is, Midna already made up her mind. She made up her mind a long time ago.

But that’s not good enough for you. Is it?

“… Midna's reactions over the course of the story deserve far more attention than simply taking what she says at face value.” (10/21/2024)

And as a fun little bonus round, I need to just say little things concerning your argument of Hyrule’s “slow apocalypse.” In your essay, you refer to Hyrule’s “eroding ruins and decaying ghost towns,” such as the Hidden Village, or Snowpeak Ruins, or the random little stone area just outside of Castle Town that houses a Sky Puzzle, as environmental suggestions of Hyrule’s gradual downfall. But to insinuate that the erasure of the Gerudo or the slaughtering of Ganondorf are primary symptoms of this decline would be disingenuous.

“Without the dynamic diversity symbolized by Ganondorf and the Gerudo, Hyrule is now in economic and political decline, isolated from any contact with the world beyond its borders.” (A Legend of Regret…, p.52)

“The people of Hyrule are entering the twilight of their civilization under the rule of an ineffectual leader that has not allowed its people to be revitalized by change and diversity… The potential for energetic dynamism represented by Ganondorf has been violently denied in favor of cultural and ideological purity…” (A Legend of Regret…, p.56)

Cultural exchange is actively happening in Hyrule during the game. The only place you can argue is truly “culturally pure” is Hyrule Castle Town itself, with people from all reaches of Hyrule integrating themselves into this “pure” culture one way or another. Everywhere else, however?

Renado, the leader of Kakariko Village, is outright stated to be proficient in treating both Gorons and Zora. Gorons are not only allowed to sell their hot spring water to residents in Castle Town, but are actually permitted to enter Hyrule Castle itself to sell their wares. Or, at least they were before the Twilight Invasion began. Malo’s business practices more than likely reflect Sera’s, given his upbringing in Ordon, and he then brings that frugal model into Castle Town, where the people rejoice.

credit to @roaxes on tumblr

Gorons taught Mayor Bo how to sumo, and in turn, Bo teaches Link. Even the yeti, Yeto, teaches Link how to snowboard to get to Snowpeak Ruins! You can then race him and his wife afterwards! The passing down of culture is at play in real time in this game!

I’d hardly say that Hyrule is in a state of decline. If anything, given such innovations as high-quality pictographs in places like Hena’s Fishing Hole, fully electric lighting in Castle Town’s Malo Mart, and advanced weaponry like Auru’s bazooka—as well as Hyrule’s apparent religious enlightenment, given that this is the most secular that we have ever seen the country—I’d argue that Twilight Princess’s Hyrule is actually on the cusp of an industrial revolution.

But those are just my own thoughts.

Also, ruins and ghost towns exist all over the real world. Roanoke Island, Nara Dreamland, Imber… There are countless examples. Sometimes a disaster befalls a town, and it’s easier to relocate than to start over where you were. Sometimes you can’t maintain a house and it gets abandoned. Sometimes an area is reclaimed by the government or the military. Sometimes a town dies out because its lifeblood runs dry, forcing residents to relocate elsewhere. Given the massive disparity between the rich and the poor in this game, this feels the more likely scenario.

Does that mean the real world is on the decline, too? I suppose that depends on who you ask.

And finally, as you’ve stated before, Link is what the game and the player dictate he be. You’ve tried stating in your essay that “if the gameplay demand that Link must defeat enemies in order to advance,” or that he “ransack ancient temples to progress,” then he is a killer and a “marauder.” (A Legend of Regret…, p. 54) However, that is to ignore the story once again.

The only temples Link arguably “ransacks” are the Arbiter’s Grounds, and the Temple of Time. Link is given permission to enter the Forest Temple, the Goron Mines, Lakebed Temple, Snowpeak Ruins, and the Twilight Realm. Link was even, debatably, given permission to uncover everything in the Temple of Time, as the ancient sages had instructed him to go there. The Arbiter’s Grounds is the dodgiest one to discuss, because nobody should be there. It’s a necessary evil, but to accuse Link of further desecrating a place Hyrule and Zant have already stained would be a hard pill to swallow.

And then we have the big one: The killing of Ganondorf.

Why was Link so cruel? Why wasn’t there a way to stop Ganondorf peacefully? Why couldn’t Link and Zelda just talk to Ganondorf, after he “[refrained] from taking control of the kingdom through conquest and murder, even though doing so would have been well within his abilities[?]” (03/27/2020)

I think we’re ignoring the fact that Ganondorf acted through Zant and killed countless Twili to achieve his goals. We see soldiers in Hyrule Castle, but how many more were there before the Twilight Invasion began? How many people died in Kakariko Village? What would have become of Ordon Village, or their children, had Link not awoken as the chosen hero? What would have become of the Twilight Realm, had Ganondorf not been content with only Hyrule?

If one man believes himself a god, and he is threatening the lives and wellbeing of not one realm, but two, then what choice does a boy chosen by the gods, by royals, by the people, have? Is it truly so monstrous? Do the ends justify the means? Is it cruelty? Salvation?

I don’t know. And neither do they.

Now, why did I bother writing this whole thing? What was the point?

Quite simply, since your first publication iterating these thoughts was back in 2017, and your most recent post in 2024 proclaims that Link is a murderer, it means that your interpretation of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is one that you’ve held for at least seven years, if not even longer. There’s nothing wrong with interpretation. The problem, however, is that you portray your take as “the correct one,” or the “big brained, deep one,” given how the thoughts you bring up in this first essay have been repeated by you again and again, whether it be the aforementioned “Link killing Ganondorf was an act of cruelty,” or “Why did Midna really shatter the Mirror of Twilight?”

And… The game already answered those questions. The game has already refuted your claims. You’ve just been ignoring it, and you’ve been encouraging everyone else to do the same.

And I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to start a conversation about it.

TLDR: Uhhhhh please don't misconstrue what was in the game in order to make your argument because that's Not Cool, and I invite everyone to please play or watch a playthrough of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess in order to form your own educated opinion!

Basically ummmm please reread the book before writing your book report.

And here are all my referenced sources so nobody thinks I'm pulling this out of my ass:

A Legend of Regret: Fallen Kingdoms and Postcolonial Ghosts in Twilight Princess

Tumblr Post Dated 03/27/2020

Tumblr Post Dated 10/20/2024

Tumblr Post Dated 10/21/2024

The History of Light and Shadow

At the end of Twilight Princess, Ganondorf delivers one of his most memorable lines, “The history of light and shadow will be written in blood.” He is not wrong. As the player has witnessed over the course of Link’s adventure, Hyrule is haunted by ruins and ghost towns, a mere shadow of what it once was. The landscape is filled with numerous sites of past violence and empty spaces visibly marked by decay and wasted potential.

When Zelda tells Link and Midna that “these dark times are the result of our deeds,” she is referring to specific historical acts of imperialistic aggression. Hyrule established hegemony over its outlying territories by crushing the rebellions against its advances, but the kingdom has suffered from cultural stagnation as a result. Without the dynamic diversity symbolized by Ganondorf, Hyrule finds itself in economic and political decline, isolated from any contact with the world beyond its shrinking borders.

As a representative of a marginalized group of people who have been attacked and driven from their homes, Ganondorf is a tangible manifestation of the horrors of imperialism. He must be defeated, but doing so does not address the underlying problems that have resulted in Hyrule’s decline. I therefore want to argue that Twilight Princess uses Ganondorf to deliver a subtle yet poignant protest against the discourses of empire reflected by the dualistic “light and shadow” rhetoric of heroism that has resulted in tragedy and regret.

Keep reading

[confiaenanaa]

Can I request an angsty one where the reader and Marshall/Em/Slim (whichever you prefer) they have an argument and at one point he tells her he doesn't need her, he can have whoever he wants and they won't complain about anything like she does. And obviously she feels hurt bc it's always been an insecurity of hers that he could have anyone. And he just confirmed her fear. Hopefully with a happy ending tho🙏🏻❤️ please and thank you! Sorry it's so long lol.

needed - eminem

fem!y/n x Marshall Mathers

masterlist

synopsis: Marshall says he doesn't need her, but what does he do when he doesn't have her?

warnings: cursing, drinking

A/N: loved this request! very fun to write. if you guys want anything written, my asks are open. hope you enjoy!

-Fuck you! 

-Oh, piss off!

Shouts could be heard from the Mathers residence that night. Y/N and Marshall were arguing over something stupid, again. They seemed to be having these arguments more and more often these days. This time, however, they were arguing over Marshall’s lack of communication. He’d have a bad day, be rude to Y/N, and when she’d ask what was wrong he’d blow up at her without telling her what bothered him. Today it seemed like he’d had an extra bad day. 

…

He got home from the studio later than usual. Y/N was reasonably worried, and when she called, he wouldn’t answer. So, once he got home, she asked him a ton of questions; questions like “where were you?” “what happened?” “are you alright?”. This angered him to no end since he hates explaining himself to people.

He refused to answer questions. Y/N knew he’d probably just had a rough day so she decided to make him his favorite home-cooked meal and some hot cocoa and treat him to a lovely night at home. But, when she brought him his food and drink, he just told her he wasn’t hungry, even after seeing all the effort she was putting in for him. 

That’s when something inside of her just snapped. She set the plate and mug on the table fecklessly, spilling some cocoa in the process. Marshall seemed a bit startled, knowing Y/N doesn’t usually throw fits like this and she usually keeps her temper in check. 

-God, Marsh! Would it kill you to at least give me a thank you? I’ve tried so hard to find out what’s wrong, and you won’t tell me! What happened to me being your #1 and your best friend? And come on! Look at this meal I made for you! Can’t you see how badly I want you to let me help you? 

-Fuck! I’m sorry I’m not living up to your boyfriend standards, Y/N! But, clearly, I had a rough day so just drop it! 

-You know what Marshall? I have bad days too! But you don’t see me bitching about it and acting like a little kid every time something doesn’t go my way! And even when I do feel upset, I tell you what’s wrong! Because I actually care about your feelings and I wouldn’t want you to worry!

- Oh, so, now I don’t care?! All I ever do is care about you Y/N! I write songs about you, I buy you everything you look at to make you happy, not to mention I make you feel pretty damn good!

- It’s not about that Marsh! God, are you even listening to me?! I don’t care that you’re upset, or that you’re in a bad mood or feeling mean; I just want you to tell me! I want you to communicate with me! I want us to work through our problems calmly, without me having to shout to get your attention!

-You always say that, but you never actually do it! Whenever you’re upset you just stay quiet! So don’t go telling me how to deal with my problems because you sure as hell don’t know how to deal with yours!

-Fuck you!

-Oh, piss off!

-Fuck, Marsh! This isn’t about me! We can work through what I do, but you seriously need to stop! 

-Stop it, Y/N! Stop already! If everything I do is so terrible and wrong, then why not just break up with me already? 

-Because I love you! I care so much about you and I just wish you could see it.

-You’re just saying that because you know I don’t need your ass. You know I can get with whoever the hell I want and they won't criticize me or complain about everything I do half as much as you do!

Y/N stayed silent for a bit. Her heart dropped and she could feel the lump develop in her throat. All this time she was with Marshall, she’d had her insecurities. But, he helped her work through them slowly. He helped her make sure she knew he’d never hurt her like that.

But, now, all that hard work was out the window. With those simple words. The tears began to prick her eyes and she looked down at the floor to try and conceal it. She felt like a little girl being yelled at. She felt helpless, and small. The man who was supposed to love her the most, to protect her, had failed her. He made her feel alone.

Marshall instantly felt a wave of regret wash over him. He felt it surge from his mind up to the tips of his ears down to the points of his toes. He looked at the girl he loves, knowing how badly he just hurt her. He opened his mouth to apologize, knowing he’d gone too far and he didn’t mean it; but, before he could, she had walked past him and into their bedroom. He quickly turned on his heels to follow her. 

Y/N was grabbing a few of her things: a hoodie, her phone charger, some gum, her earbuds, and some shoes. He once again tried to apologize but she wouldn’t hear it. He followed her all the way down to the garage and watched as she hopped in her car and sped off. He wasn’t sure where she was going, and, to be honest, neither was she. 

She hated herself for complaining and she hated him for being so mean to her. But, deep down, she knew she loved him more than anything and everything. She gripped her steering wheel harder, and turned up the volume of the song she was listening to. 

She pulled into the parking lot for some random bar she heard of from one of her friends. Her friend said it was the best place to go if you’re feeling sad or having a rough night. 

When she walked in, the bar looked exactly how she felt. It was dimly lit, the smell reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke. There were barely enough people to call a crown in there, all sitting far apart with a drink in hand. Everyone looked glum in there, so she’d blend right in. She sat at the bar and ordered herself a few shots of rum. She downed them quickly, not feeling much different. She then ordered herself a vodka, which she kept refilling until the bartender just gave her the bottle. 

She kept feeling her phone buzz in her pocket. She assumed it was Marshall. She didn’t really want to respond, but she still looked, just in case. It was actually a text from her best friend asking what happened. Of course. Marshall texted her friend to see if Y/N was okay (since she usually goes to her best friend in times of need). Y/N decided not to answer, she was in more of a “fuck the world” kind of mood.

She set her phone down on the counter, finally feeling the effects of the alcohol. She wasn’t sure how she was going to get home or if she was going to get home at all. Before she could continue that thought, she saw a series of texts, making her phone buzz repeatedly. 

The contact name read “marsh :)”. She truly didn’t want to speak to him at the moment. She wasn’t sure why what he said affected her this way, but it did, and he knew that. She knew she was probably just being sensitive, but she couldn’t help but feel attacked. 

She looked at her phone again and saw Marshall’s concerned text chain.

“hello?”

“babyyy??”

“look baby i’m so sorry i know i messed up big time. please call me back so i can fix this.”

She didn’t bother reading the rest. She got more texts from him and her best friend. They seemed really concerned now. It was unlike Y/N, not answering the phone. It was cold, far too cold for someone of her character. However, Y/N wasn’t in the mood or the headspace to care about her character. She was too busy trying to keep her head upright as her vision blurred a bit from the effects of the white russian she was creating in her stomach at the moment. From that point forward, she couldn’t really recollect anything that had happened. The next thing she knew, she felt a pair of strong arms lifting her up by the waist and into their arms bridal-style. 

…

The next day, Y/N woke up in her bed alongside a snoring Marshall that had his arms wrapped around her tightly. She slowly shimmied out of his embrace, head beginning to pound when she stood up. She went downstairs and sat at the kitchen table with a small tonic for hangovers in hand. 

As she was washing the cup she was just using, Y/N heard a set of booming footsteps as they pounded against the wooden staircase. She turned around to look at Marshall. He looked incredible. His hair was a bit tousled and his eyes and lips were puffy. He came down and approached her without a second thought. The first thing he did was put his lips against hers. The kiss was warm, brilliant. 

Y/N crumpled under his touch. He pulled back and smiled slightly at her. His heart grew seeing her in front of him. He smiled even wider when he saw her smile back; however, he knew he wasn’t forgiven just yet. 

-Wait, look, I gotcha something.

He quickly walked into the living room and grabbed a small box and turned to the kitchen.

-I bought this a while ago. I wanted to give it to you somewhere better but this seemed like the right time.

Y/N opened the little box gingerly, a little nervous to see its contents. Her jaw dropped a tad when she saw it. 

A small ring, diamond encrusted and the exact type of metal she wears. It was perfectly tailored to her tastes. She looked up at him, eyebrow slightly raised.

-It’s a promise ring. I know what I said last night was fucked up but I didn’t mean it at all. I love you more than anything and you know that. I could never be with anyone else knowing that you’re out there in the world. 

He took the ring out of the box and secured it onto her finger. He then kissed her hand softly. She smiled taking in the view.

Then, she knew, more than anything, that she was truly loved.

[justastraymoa]

Unwilling Alpha

Chapter 13

Masterlist

Warnings ⚠️ swears, abo dynamics, mentions of slave trade, mentions of rape, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, fear, manipulation. Mentions of blood and unaliving. Mentions of selling body parts and black market trade.

Nothing within reflects anyone or anything irl. Pics off pinterest.

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

Early the next morning a brand-new wardrobe was delivered. More clothes than I could wear in a year. As well as bags, purses, jewelry, hats, everything you could possibly think of.

“They got you the hook up! All the brands latest styles! I’m going to steal some of this.” I.N announced immediately, grabbing a couple items that caught his eye.

I laughed at his antics. “Sure, why not. I’m sure I’ll steal your clothes at some point.” I shrugged fingering through what was left. Some of this stuff isn’t too bad.” I was pleasantly shocked. The fabric felt different, and they all had name brands on them in some way, but they weren’t over the top. They looked- at least most did-casual and comfortable. Cozy. Exactly my style, but with a luxury name. J managed to find me – even in name brands. That man really is the best. He knew what was bothering me without me having to explain.

With a watery smile I hid my face in a Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt. Arms embraced me. “I hope those are good tears.” Changbin spoke into my hair.

I sniffed and nodded, lifting my head again. “J found me. Found a way to keep a part of me.”

Bin squeezed me tighter. “We will find a happy medium. Weve always done the impossible.”

“We do things our own way. We’re Stray Kids.” Chan put in.

Lee Know punched my arm gently. “You’re one of us now, Jagi.”

I sniffed again and let out a watery laugh, nodding my head. “Let’s go on tour.”

The Omegas cheered happily and reached out to touch me. Still smiling I wiped my eyes and got back to my new clothes, assessing. “I don’t have enough time to put everything away right now. Who wants to help me pick an airport outfit?” I asked, not even sure where to begin. The sheer number of clothes in front of me was overwhelming.

A pile of clothes was shoved into my arms. “Already done.” I.N stated dusting off his hands. He had come back from stashing the clothes he stole and apparently moved on to the task of my outfit.

I looked at the pile of clothes and shrugged my face. A nice, neutral set of grays and blacks in a mixture of brands-a couple I have never even heard of.

Hyun handed me a shoebox and a crossbody tote bag, oiling them on top of the mountain of clothes already in my arms. “You will need these too.”

“What do I need to pack?” I asked. This was my first time on tour with Stray Kids and I wasn’t really sure what I would need.

“Most everything is provided, but anything personal. Chargers, laptops and stuff like that. Books, stuffed animals, anything you think you may need.” Chan shrugged.

Easy enough. And I could fit everything in the bag Hyun chose for me, but I had to hurry. The van to the airport was due in an hour. The Omegas were already ready to go. They had this whole thing down to science. It was me that was holding them up.

Once we were on the way to the airport, I started to bounce my leg and chew on my lip. Seungmin had helped me with some light makeup, and I made my hair a big nicer than usual. But airports were a big deal. There would be cameras and screaming fans everywhere.

It’s my first time dealing with fans in person and not through the internet. And my first time in such a situation after announcing my subgender. Nervous is not the right word to describe what I was feeling.

Lee Know placed a hand on my knee and squeezed, stopping it from bouncing. “You’ll be fine. It’s just a walk through the airport.”

I snorted. “Hardly. It’s a whole ass show.”

“Stick close to us and your bodyguards. You will be safe.”

“I’m not worried about my safety, Lino, I’m worried about messing up and making you look bad.” It’s true. I wasn’t worried so much about my safety- though it was still a concern. Even though there were some scary comments and posts on social media no one seemed to be concerned about it, so I was taking my queues from them.

“Just be yourself. Everything else will follow.” Lino patted my knee twice. “You can’t do anything that would cause a huge issue. I mean – unless you punch a STAY. Don’t do that. Obviously.”

“There goes my whole plan of attack.” I rolled my eyes. I pulled and fidgeted with my clothes as we pulled up to the airport, making sure they were perfect.

Chan turned in his seat to address us. “Bin, Min, keep Y/N in between you. Do not leave her side.” Both Bin and Lino nodded seriously.

“Chan?” I was concerned by his very serious tone and the sudden extra precautions.

He smiled at me, but it was more strained than usual. “Theres nothing to worry about. I’m just being overly cautious.”

I 100% did not believe him. He was a terrible liar. There was more he wasn’t telling me. He was trying not to freak me out more, I’m sure, but I needed to know. I needed to be prepared as well. “Don’t keep me in the dark.”

Scrunching up his face and glancing out the window as we came to a final stop, Chan thought it over. I watched him patiently.

Seungmin huffed. “JYPE has received some threats against you.”

“Seungmin!” Chan snapped.

“She has the right to know! She isn’t dumb or helpless!”

“You could have broken it to her easier.”

“Hold on! When did this happen?” Hyun asked, cutting into the argument.

“You didn’t know?” I asked, relieved I wasn’t the only one left out of the loop.

There were murmurs and complaints overlapping. Apparently the only two people who knew were Chan and Seungmin. They kept it from everyone else. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” I was angry. Not only did they keep something from me, but Chan also just lied about it as well. Lied right to my face. “You lied to me. Do you think so little of me that you think I don’t deserve to know that I’m in danger? Did you think I couldn’t handle it?” I jerked away from Seungmin when he reached for me. The Omega looked crushed at the rejection.

“I made him keep it from you, don’t blame him. I just didn’t want to worry you more. I knew today would be hard enough already.” Chan defended himself.

There was a knock on the window. Security telling us to hurry it up. They were right, we needed to move, or we would miss our flight.

So, with one last glare at Chan, I snatched my bag and gestured for someone to open the door. Felix took the hint, leading the way.

Bin and Lino stayed true to their promise. Bin kept a secure, comforting arm around my shoulders, holding me close as we walked. Lino stuck close to my other side, brushing my arm occasionally to assure me that he was still there.

Security worked to keep fans back a respectful distance as they screamed. Some reached toward us, trying to get even the smallest touch. Some held signs or Skzoos-waving them erratically. Most held out phones, videoing or taking pictures as we went by, trying to follow us as far as they could. Professional paparazzi were allowed closer, snapping pictures with high powered flashes that left spots in my vision if I looked at them too directly.

Mostly I kept my head down and focused on not tripping over my own feet. Most everyone was focused on the boys, but I could make out some shouts aimed at me. More of what they’ve been saying online. “Go home Alpha trash!” “Go back to your masters, slave!” They were easy enough to ignore. It was nothing new and nothing I hadn’t expected.

What I hadn’t expected was the thick red liquid thrown at me from an unseen face in the crowd. The thick liquid was cold, like it had been refrigerated.

Freezing I gasped, the foul metallic smelling liquid covered my entire front. Dripped from my hair, chin, and clothes.

It was blood. I was covered in blood.

But not just any blood. This blood had a distinct unmistakable Alpha scent to it. I was covered with Alpha blood, and a lot of it. Too much for even one Alpha.

There was a flurry of chaos as security rushed us off and away from the crows. There were a couple of high-pitched screams as STAY realized what had happened.

Someone covered me with a jacket and Bin and Lino practically covered me with their bodies as we nearly ran to where security was shoving us.

I stared at my feet, mind completely blank except for the image of myself covered in some unknow Alpha’s blood. Some likely murdered Alphas blood was currently drying on my face and clothes. Soaking into my skin.

We stopped and the jacket was taken off me. Bins large warm hands engulfed my face and brought it up, so I was looking at him. It was then I realized he was talking - no yelling.

I focused on a large splash of blood on Bins cheek. Reaching up I wiped it off. “You have blood on you.” I stated blankly feeling light as air and heavy as a ton of bricks all at the same time.

I blinked and suddenly I was on my back, Chan hovering over me looking worried.

Irrational and intense anger overtook me, and I shoved Chan away. “Get away from me!” I shouted. Chan stumbled back and looked struck. “This is your fault! You should have told me! You should have let me be prepared!” I accused making Chan flinch slightly and look away. Some rational part of me knew that no amount of preparation could have stopped what happened, but I wasn’t feeling very rational right now.

Felix and Seungmin rushed in holding several items. “We got water and a change of clothes!” Felix handed me the bottle of water and sat next to me on the hard plastic loveseat I was laying on. WE were in a small plain room with only the loveseat I was on and two plastic chairs that matched it.

“Where are we?” I asked, taking a small sip of the water.

“A spare room the airport uses for searches.” Seungmin answered.

“Decided to actually tell me, huh?” I rolled my eyes and looked away from him. He was just as guilty as Chan and J, lying to me and betraying my trust.

“They have showers here, for travelers. If you hurry, you can shower off the blood.” Lino handed me a couple small bottles of soap.

I had managed to forget about the blood in the aftermath of fainting and my anger at Chan and Seungmin. But now I could feel the dried blood itching my skin and flaking off. My heavy-with-blood seater sticking to the skin under it. Smell the overwhelming scent of metal and Alpha. I felt sick.

“It’s a-its-the blood is-“ I couldn’t force the words out.

Lino nodded and Felix gripped my hand tightly. “We know, sweetheart.” He whispered.

I gulped and nodded holding up a bloody shaking hand. “I don’t…mmm-I’m not-I don’t know.” My voice shook as much as my hands did.

Hannie held out a hand for me to take. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Let JYP worry about the attack.”

I gripped his hand tightly and let him pull me up.

The shower helped calm me down and bring my thoughts and emotions back to neutral ground.

This attack was the cowardly action of a few individuals. They may not even be STAY. They could have just used this opportunity to complete their attack. To make me afraid.

They wanted me locked inside, taking care of the house, and doing everything to make more Alphas for them to use and exploit. They wanted me to hide.

But I spent most of my life hiding. Hiding who I was. Hiding from the world. I wouldn’t be terrorized into doing that again. They would not win.

So, they managed to buy some Alpha blood off the black market. Some slave trader killed their slave-worked then and used them to death. Or the Alpha unalived themselves rather than suffer. Either way they sold what they could of the Alpha to get some of their money back.

Then some sucker thought they needed to make a point, so they bought the blood. Probably at 10x what it was worth. Then decided to throw it on me like red paint at a fur protest. Gross? Yes. Sickening? Yes. Terrifying? Also, yes. But ultimately, they did not harm me or my Omegas. They most likely didn’t hurt anything but their bank account.

I rejoined the Omegas freshly cleaned hair damp and shower warm. The new clothes were from some souvenir shop in the airport, but they were soft and comfortable. And most importantly, not covered in blood.

“Are you okay?” Hyun asked perking up as soon as he saw me. He reached out and pulled me close, sticking his face in my hair and breathing deeply. I snuck a hand to the back of his neck and squeezed lightly.

“They won’t scare me away that easy. Let’s get this tour started.” I replied with a smirk.

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

General Taglist @stellasays45

Unwilling Alpha Taglist: @xxeiraxx @hanniemylovelyquokka @breadedloafs @songleepark @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @hyunjinhoexxx @kayleefriedchicken @vietjeb @hityoulikebahng @juju-227592 @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @royal-shinigami @bangchansfavoritenoona @straykidslvr @bookswillfindyouaway @h0rnyp0t @Svmmerstime @jennibahng @kpopandmusicpassion @jasmin-loves-k-pop @cookey-lock @possum-playground @demigoddreamon-blog @rei-reia @dreamerwasfound @jasmin-loves-k-pop @ms-flowergirl @princess-sunshyn @technicallyimportantsweets @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @bluesoobinnie

[dazzlerwriting]

call me & i’ll come

robert ‘bob’ floyd x singer!reader

Pictures are not mine, credit to pinterest!

3.5k words

summary: inspired by “Watermelon” by Jane + John Q Public. after bob joins a D&D campaign to make friends in San Diego, he gets talked into also joining the band that is formed within the group. Over time he and the lead singer slowly get closer and closer. What happens when they kiss, but don’t talk about what the kiss meant to them?

warnings: slight miscommunication! fluff fluff fluff. a bit angsty at one point. the end gets a bit heated so 18+ MDNI!!!! Reader uses she/her pronouns, but theres no other descriptors! petname “darlin” is used twice. use of y/n (i tried so hard not to lol) flashback is bold and italicized

authors note: first off, thank you @lewmagoo for posting about drummer rhett, which in turn helped inspire this story! & everyone posting their Atta Boy stuff was also a huge inspiration to this!! only my second fic and i wrote so much. i just kept going and didnt stop until it was finished! im so sorry lmao. but i hope you enjoy!! this is mostly from bob’s pov!

Bob Floyd has a secret. Well, two. The first one is that he plays in a band in his free time, specifically, he plays the drums. Anyone who may watch how Bob acts when he thinks no one is paying attention, they would see him drumming on his lap, on the desk, or on any free surface. But the Dagger Squad isn’t that astute when it comes to their fellow workers lives. Natasha knows but, there’s a certain trust to be had between a pilot & their WSO. So Bob told her, and while she was taken a bit aback that the quiet Bob Floyd played the drums in an actual band, she was supportive.

Now, the secret that not even Natasha knows, the one Bob would swear he would take to his grave, is that he has a crush on the lead singer in their band. It's not just a silly crush that would go away with time; no, this crush has stuck since he first met her at a community D&D meetup.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Flashback

He saw a sign that read “New Dungeons and Dragons campaign, starting Wednesday! All leveled players welcomed!” on the board at the grocery store a week after being stationed in San Diego. He decided he needed a creative outlet after work and maybe to make friends that weren’t pilots. So he went, and that’s when he saw her. She was their Game Master and she was wearing a renaissance faire-esque outfit. From that first sighting, he was a goner. He would look at her theatrical storytelling during their sessions with a fondness that rivaled the way Orpheus looked at Euridyce. Quickly he would look away before she caught him, but if he had kept looking, he would have noticed her looking at him the same way.

Somewhere along the way, another member of the party, named Blake, noticed Bob drumming on his thigh when the game would die down for a bit. They suggested Bob joined their band, seeing as they were in desperate need of a new drummer, the last one leaving to hit it big time. He went on a whole spill about everything having to do with the band and Bob was apprehensive at first, performing was way out of his comfort zone. He wasn’t like Rooster, he didn’t think he had the proper stage presence to perform for a crowd, and he didn’t want to make a fool of himself.

But that’s when she walked over to the two, a smirk on her face as she looked at Blake and said “Blake… go easy on Bobby boy here. I’m sure he doesn’t need a whole infomercial on why he should join us.” She turned to Bob and put her hand on his arm, and for a second he was sure his brain short-circuited. Now with a soft smile on her face, she gently said “Bob we would love for you to join us, only if you’re comfortable. I know you could be called away at a second’s notice, but regardless it would be an honor to have you as our drummer.” He sat there for a second just taking her in, from the casual way she was dressed, to her kind demeanor. He realized at that moment he was royally fucked because he would do anything she asked. He looked her in the eyes and responded “I-I’ll do it,” stuttering a bit but getting through it. Her smile widened, her eyes lit up with what Bob thought could be adoration, and she jumped up a bit clapping, “Great! We rehearse every Saturday, usually, gigs are small just hangouts for friends or family! I’ll text you all the details.” He missed the warmth from her hand as soon as it was gone but her reaction was worth it. That night while Bob was getting ready to sleep, his phone lit up with a text.

Y/N: Thank you for agreeing to this Bob, it truly means a lot. I’m glad you decided to come to our session that first night :)

And after replying, he fell asleep with a grin on his face, not regretting his decision one bit.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Now after a few months, Bob and the rest of the members have gotten close. They hang out outside of rehearsal and game sessions, and they’ve even been to Bob’s apartment for dinner. That’s when he told Natasha that he was in a band, and introduced them to her. They had a great night and Bob felt like he had found his group of people. The thought of leaving them for a mission, where the outcome was unknown, was scary, but the idea of having them all there to come back to, outweighed the formidable thoughts. Especially when he thought about the kind, charming, and beautiful singer who made it her mission to text Bob every day to ensure he was having a good day. Over the few months they had learned a lot about each other, she made sure to ask him the same questions he would ask her. Including dreams, they had as kids, favorite movies, biggest music inspirations, etc. He opened up to her about the constant teasing from the Dagger Squad, including the “Baby on Board” joke. And he learned she was the biggest nerd outside of D&D, texting him updates on the latest comic she had read, the newest Doctor Who update, and random fun facts about his favorite movies. With every text he received, Bob fell deeper and deeper into Cupid’s chokehold.

It all kinda got turned upside down when he and Phoenix suffered from a Bird Strike during training, and they had to eject. Early morning, after leaving the hospital and getting home, he texted the band group chat to let them know he would be missing both D&D and band practice. He was bombarded with questions regarding his well-being, and texts lending out sympathy to him. But y/n had been quiet, that is until he heard a knock on his door. When he opened it, he saw her standing there with several bags full of groceries and a shy smile on her face. “Hi,” she said softly “I’m sorry for the intrusion but I just wanted to make sure your recovery was a stress-free time, and well, I just, I’m sorry I can drop all this off and go if you want me to. I should’ve texted beforehand and I..” she was rambling now and he thought he couldn’t find her any more endearing than he did right now. He adjusted his glasses and stepped out of the doorway, “N-no come on in, you are welcome here at any time, you know that.” At that, her shoulders dropped a bit in relief and he could see her let out a breath he doubted she knew she was holding in. He led her to the kitchen and watched her get to work doing whatever she was here to do.

“Okay so I have the stuff to make baked potato soup, Alfredo, and I also brought peanuts, chips, Gatorade, and a bunch of other snacks for you.” She quickly got everything out of the bags, putting things in the right place, and Bob was hit with a daydream of this being a normal occurrence. A domestic life with her, both of them dancing around each other in the kitchen, making dinner while dancing to songs like “I’ll Be Seeing You” by Billie Holiday. He was so caught up with his daydream, he didn’t even realize she was talking to him. “I’m sorry what did you say?” He asked with a bashful smile. She shook her head with a gentle laugh, and said “I was just saying you should go get comfortable, I’ll be in here for a while.” He looked at her and gave a soft nod, immediately going to lie down on the couch and continue his daydreaming. For a while, he could hear her gentle hums coming from the kitchen, and he let that lull him into a peaceful sleep where he dreamed of a future where they were together.

A few hours later he was woken up by someone gently shaking his shoulder. He rubbed his eyes, put his glasses on, and when he looked to see who it was, he swore he was still dreaming. She looked almost angelic standing above him with a caring smile and a bowl of something in her hands. “Sorry to wake you, it just hit 4, so I thought you might be hungry,” she gave a soft shrug and looked a bit nervous to see what his reaction might be. He took the bowl from her hands and gave a soft thank you with a smile he hoped was kind, and not some kind of grimace from still being a bit tired. He realized it was baked potato soup and he had to admit it was the best soup he had ever had, “This is amazing, thank you so much.” She gave another shrug and replied “It’s the least I can do, need our best sorcerer and drummer to get better soon! I put the rest in the fridge along with the Alfredo. The snacks are still on your island, but I should get out of your hair now. If you need anything please know I am a call away.” He really didn’t want her to leave just yet so he did something that even shocked him, “Do you want to stay, I’m sure you’re hungry as well and we could watch a movie or something?” Her eyes widened and a bright smile appeared on her face, “I would love to if you really don’t mind.” Of course, he didn’t mind, was she crazy?? If he could he would spend all of his time with her. “I don’t, please you’ve done so much for me today so please stay.” He didn’t mean to sound so needy, but it didn’t seem to deter her. In fact, her smile got brighter and she nodded her head.

They decided on watching Wall-E, it seemed like a good idea at the moment, but now they are both sniffling on the couch. “God who knew a cute robot could turn two adults into an emotional mess?” she said while turning to him, wiping the tears from under her eyes. He looked at her and she was gorgeous he thought. They sat looking in each other’s eyes for a moment and in a flash, their lips were on each other. He doesn’t know who leaned in first, all he knew was her lips were soft and he could feel her breath from her nose. As soon as it started, it was over and he chased her lips when she pulled away. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’m so- I’m gonna go. Thank you Bob.” she rushed out, quickly grabbed her stuff, and practically ran from his apartment. He sat there dumbfounded, had he messed it up so quickly? Did she not like him in the same way he did her? He didn’t know, he kept wondering what happened while putting things away, and he fell asleep asking himself what happened.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

A few weeks have passed, and things have gone semi-back to normal. There’s an awkward tension between them every session, every band practice, and the texts from her have stopped outside of letting him know of any changes to the schedule. Natasha could tell something was going on with her backseater, but he wouldn’t budge. He just told her it was nothing and that he was fine. But anyone with any common sense could see he wasn’t fine, he was distracted at work, he didn’t have the band members over for dinner, and he just seemed lost in thoughts every time someone talked to him at Hard Deck. But Natasha wasn’t having it, so she contacted Y/N, she told her Bob was acting strange. Y/N let her know what happened, and that she felt as if the kiss had only happened because Bob was emotional. She also let it slip to Nat that she had been harboring a crush on Bob since they first met, and despite trying to ignore it, it continued to grow. Nat told her the band should perform at the Hard Deck that weekend, and Y/N agreed only if Bob was okay with it. She texted Bob and he decided it was time to overcome the fear of the Dagger Squad knowing he was in a band. If he couldn’t overcome the fear of telling her how he felt, and how the kiss made him feel, then he could at least do this. And so it was set, the group would be performing at the Hard Deck, and Bob let that distract him from whatever else he was feeling at the time.

Saturday finally came, and Bob was a ball of nerves. He was sure the squad wouldn’t be too harsh towards him, but when it came to Hangman, he could never tell. When he arrived at the bar to do sound checks, he saw her again and a bit of his nerves calmed. She looked at him with a gentle but nervous smile “Hey Bob, glad you made it. We’re just gonna run through a few songs, and then we’ll get going with the show. I also brought a new song, it’s not too much but it will be the last song for the night.” He nodded his head, a bit lost in her eyes. He pushed his glasses up a bit and got his drums set up. After sound check, people started filling in the bar. Nat came up to him with a bit of a smirk, “I know about your kiss with Miss Gorgeous Singer up there.” She then lightly punched his arm, “Why wouldn’t you tell me, Bob? This is important information and I thought we were best friends.” She had a faux pout on her lips now and he shrugged, “I don’t know what happened Nat, it was going so well and then she just ran out.” He looked down, twirling his drumsticks, and she realized he was quite upset. She’s guessing the two idiots haven’t even talked about it. “I’m sorry Bob, but hey maybe things will work out after tonight,” she said with a comforting smile. It was at that moment, Jake, Javy, Bradley, and Mickey realized it was their own “Baby on Board” on the drums for tonight.

“Well well well, what do we have here?” Jake said with his usual smirk on his face. “Cut it bagman.” Natasha quickly replied, she realized it was time for the band to start so she gave Bob a final comforting smile, then quickly pushed Jake and the rest of the guys back.

You got on stage and introduced the band. The show started and everything was going well. Bob was keeping up, concentrating hard and using the quick time between songs to push his glasses up his nose. Finally it was time for the new song, and he was a bit nervous, seeing as they hadn’t rehearsed it yet. He heard you clear your throat as you said “Hey y’all, this last song is a new one I wrote about a week ago. Sometimes you just meet someone and realize you will always be there for them no matter what.” With that, you looked back to the group and nodded to let them know it was time to start.

I’m the watermelon slammed into your driveway

Crack me open so I feel the air inside me

Bob stared at her while playing and realized that in someway, she had cracked his introverted shell. She helped him become more comfortable. She even was a huge reason he had a group of people who cared about him, outside of the dagger squad. He quickly looked at Natasha in the crowd, just to see her smirking right at him.

Music boyfriend I’m your yum yum

Call me and I’ll come

Y/N’s words from weeks prior echoed in his head as she sang, “If you need anything please know I am a call away.” And it hit him in this moment that maybe just maybe, she did feel the same way about him.

Am I dreaming or did you just kiss me

You don’t know it but you already miss me

He looked back at her and realized she was looking at him. Singing this song to him. She had a bashful smile on her face, and he could tell she was a nervous.

Fuck the rest of them

Fuck em all

Fuck em all but us

In this moment, everyone else in the bar seemed to fade away. It was just them, and he made the decision to admit what he was feeling after the show. She was breathtaking, and he thinks he may not make it if he doesn’t tell her tonight. She finally turned away in time to sing the last line to the crowd.

Fuck em all but us.

When the song ended, the bar was full of applause, even the squad looked impressed by the show. Bob watched her walk off stage after saying her thank yous, and head for the back deck. He got up to follow but was immediately stopped by the Dagger Squad, they were all patting him on the back and smiling at him. “Didn’t think you had it in you Bob, but that was truly amazing. And it seems as if the singer thinks so too.” Jake said to him with a genuine smile on his face. Natasha pushed Jake out of the way and gave Bob a hug, pulling away she said “Go get her, we’ll all still be here when you get back.” With that Bob gave a quick thank you and rushed toward the back door.

He saw y/n standing there, arms crossed over the railing and head up to the sky. When she heard the door open, she turned her head and she had a sheepish smile on her face. He thought she looked so beautiful, a bit sweaty from the show, the moon as backlighting. Her beauty rivaled that of the ocean. She was gorgeous in every sense of the word.

“You did good tonight Bobby. Thank you for letting us come play here.” She said softly as he made his way over to her. He felt warmth crawl up his neck at the use of his nickname, and he put his hand on his neck as he told her “You were gorgeous tonight.” She gave a soft laugh and bashfully turned her head. Before she could respond he continued talking, “Thank you. For everything. You invited me to this band, not even knowing if I was a good drummer. You texted me daily just to make sure I was doing okay. You made me possibly the best food I’ve had in forever. Don’t tell my ma I said that, she would never let me live it down.” He chuckled while saying that, he took a deep breath in and continued, “You have changed me as a person, so thank you.” She looked back at him, eyes wide, mouth agape. She had tears lining the bottom of her eyes, as she rushed over to hug him. “I’m so sorry I ran out of your apartment that night. I was nervous you were only kissing me because of the emotions from the movie and the tiredness. But that kiss meant everything to me. I haven’t stopped thinking about it or you since it happened.” Her speech was a bit muffled from the way she was pressed to Bob. Now it was his turn to look a bit shocked, he hadn’t even thought about how she might have thought it was all her fault. He held her and said“Darlin’ I think we’ve both been a bit idiotic. I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since I met you, and after that night I thought I messed everything up. I truly like you, I think I might even be falling in love with you if I’m honest.” She pulled back a bit and looked him in the eyes for the slightest sign that he could be lying, when she couldn’t find one she put her hand on his neck and pulled his lips to hers. This kiss was different. This kiss held all of the unspoken feelings they’ve both kept bottled up for months. He grabbed her hips and pushed her back against the railing, she opened her mouth to gasp, allowing his tongue to slip inside.

She tugged at his hair and he let out a quiet groan. Just as he was making way to pick her up, the loud noise of several nosey aviators cheering burst their bubble. She pulled back and leant her forehead on his chest, shying away a bit. He turned back to see the group smiling, clapping, whooping, and hollering. He turned back towards her and lifted her face up to his, “I’m sorry about them. Also I’m sorry I feel like I’m doing this a bit backwards, but would you like to go out for dinner soon?” He felt a bit nervous asking the question but she just looked at him like he hung all the moon and stars. “Sure, how about we go talk to your friends for a bit, then go pick up some food, and maybe finish what we start at your place?” She asked with a flirty smirk on her face. Yeah she was going to be the death of him.

[emptymanuscript]

I think one of the most useful class lessons I ever had as a kid was a math lecture that I absolutely loathed because I could NOT get it.

It boiled down to learning about partial definitions and sets.

All squares fit the definition of rectangles but not all rectangles fit the definition of squares. All rectangles fit the definition of parallelograms but not all parallelograms fit the definition of rectangles. Same for squares and parallelograms. And so on.

This is one step above that.

Not all Zionists are Jews but some are. Not all Jews are Zionists but some are. There’s a large overlap but they’re not equal.

It’s a nice little venn diagram.

The problem is that most people, most of the time, like simple answers. They’re like me when I was a kid, mulelishly staring at the geometric figures on that chalkboard, with my arms crossed, just repeating, “No,” until the teacher just moved on without me.

How can something both be equal and not equal?

That’s dumb.

But, of course, reality doesn’t care about what you don’t like. It is what it is.

Sure, you may not hate us Jews, after all, just the ones who happen to also be zionists. Maybe if my brother (zionist Jew) and I (anti-zionist Jew) walked past you in broad daylight on a peaceful day when everything in your world is going great, you would stop to check and only be angry at my brother and have a heated but civil discussion with him and maybe even try to get my help with your arguments since I know him better than you. Thus proving it’s about zionism and not Judaism.

But you, on that peaceful picturesquely perfect day, are the square. Not all anti-zionists are going to be in that situation. Most of them are back at parallelograms.

It is not a peaceful picturesquely perfect day, they are not busy trying to make sure their fear and pain goes in exactly the right place for exactly the right reasons. They’re me at the chalkboard, just shouting, “no.”

They may also not be anti-semitic on a peaceful picturesquely perfect day but that’s not where they are. They’re not thinking or feeling or being their best selves. Fear and pain tend to make people their worst selves. We just lash out with no No NO!!! We not only paint others in broad strokes, we paint them in the worst light.

Jews = zionists = bad people = THE problem

Because deep down, unless you stop, take a breath, and be careful, that’s what everyone has been taught. And how nearly all the news and think-pieces are still phrased. It’s what comes to mind first. If I tell you to picture a four sided geometric figure, you’ll probably picture a square. This has nothing to do with intrinsic reality or you being bad. It’s simply where the most illustrations in your past have gone. So it comes to mind first.

The way to overcome that is to pause, take a breath, reconsider. Is square the only answer? The most likely? The right one, even if it is all those things.

That takes energy. Work. Exactly what you have the least of when you’re afraid and in pain and just want to lash out so it will all stop.

They can mean anyone they want.

That’s not the problem.

The problem is that one push comes to shove on a dark and stormy night when you feel the pulse of the mob because you are just as angry, just as hurt, as the rest of them, you aren’t going to be able to stop and ask the person next to you, “Hey, are WE the baddies?” It’s too late for that. You’re in it already and already had your worst self unleashed. It’s too late at that point.

The time to ask that question and deal with it is when you do mean zionists and think about what the possible solutions are. There’s where to pause and ask, hey, when I am my worst self, because that happens, how am I going to act on this. Maybe I am sending / endorsing the message that will do bad things when my worst self or people who are worse than me when they get it.

You have to ask, “Am I contributing to the problem,” when you misspeak. When you have time and energy. That you meant zionist but said Jew may be just a cigar but it could even more easily mean something else entirely. Something you need to work through before your worst self acts on it.

You might consciously mean zionist AND your unconscious might really mean Jew. The dark of night of your soul isn’t the time you want to find that out. Because your subconscious is exactly who is going to be flying the plane in the moment unless you already checked it. Even then, it’s probably going to be the pilot unless you have already changed course to avoid the situation.

"You don't understand, they mean Zionists, not Jews!"

They're literally saying Jews though.

[gothamite-rambler]

A Day in the park (Tim Drake comfort fic)

Tim Drake rested on his stomach on the floor of his bedroom, resting his head on his bent arm. Old jazz music played loudly from a record player connected to a large speaker, filling the dim room with melancholy melodies. The curtains were drawn tight blocking the midafternoon sun and casting shadows over the scattered remnants of what had once been a vibrant space.

A year had passed since his father’s death and two years since his mother had died. Losing both parents as a teenager felt surreal; they were simply gone from his life. Tim thought he would cope with grief and loss with ease like his hero, Dick Grayson had when faced a similar loss at least that's what he thought.

All he felt was the crushing weight of the world, with knowledge setting in his parents weren't coming back. On significant days commemorating his parents, Tim’s energy was replaced with spiraling sorrow. He often locked himself away in his room, isolating himself from everything and everyone. The absence of Jack and Janet loomed heavily over him, an unshakable presence that colored every moment.

Tim (voice heavy with despair): I hate life.

His eyes glazed over, staring blankly into the distance.

Tim (fighting his emotions): I’m not going to cry. I won’t cry… I just have to celebrate his birthday… that’s the least I can do si- since I couldn’t save him. God, what's the point of doing anything anymore?

He groaned, his gaze lost in the void, as if seeking answers in the emptiness, but was only met with silence.

Hallway Outside Tim's Room

Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson stood outside the closed door to Tim's room, both concerned since Tim had been shutting down on days that were linked to his parents and it seemed he was getting worse.

Bruce: How long has he been in there?

Dick checked his watch.

Dick: He started at 5 in the morning, so that’s about 16 hours.

Bruce crossed his arms, a look of concern on his face.

Bruce: It’s not Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. His mother’s birthday and death anniversary aren’t until—

Dick (raising a hand): Bruce, it has officially been a year since his father, you know, died and he found him there.

Bruce (rubbing his chin, pondering): Hm, thought he'd be passed this already.

Dick (giving Bruce a pointed look): Mm-hm, and how well did you handle your parents’ death?

Bruce (defensively): Okay, I was eight when they were shot and killed in an alley.

Dick blinked slowly, irritation washing over him as he covered his eyes with his hand, listening to yet another excuse from his father. Despite being adopted, they had both endured the same experience.

Dick (irritated tone): Bruce, I went through the same thing. I watched mine hit the ground after being shot!

Bruce (deadpan): It's not a competition, and if it were, I'd win.

Dick (forcing a sugary tone): Why don’t you just go off and be all emo somewhere else? I’ve got this covered.

Bruce (firmly): All I’m saying is maybe this is tied to something about his parents, and he needs to patrol to clear his mind.

Dick (annoyed): Bruce, last week he walked into a burning building—not to save anyone. He just went in and sat down. I had to drag him out, and his body was limp.

Bruce (shrugging): It happens.

Dick (rubbing his forehead in frustration): Yeah, well, it wasn’t fun carrying you out of a building when I was ten. Just leave.

Bruce (sticking to his idea): I was just suggesting options. He’ll be fine; he’s done this before.

Dick (voice rising): That’s not a healthy coping mechanism! He walked in on his father’s dead body!

Tim cranked up the volume on the loudspeaker, wanting to drown out the ramblings of his family and block everything but the music from his mind. Bruce glanced at Dick, then shook his head in silence.

Bruce (flatly): Fine. You handle him, Dr. Phil.

Dick: (crossing his arms): Okay, that was uncalled for.

Dick sighed, setting aside his frustration with Bruce’s disregard for Tim’s obvious depression, and knocked on the door.

Dick: Tim, do you want to hang out with me today?

Tim pressed his face against the floor, making it impossible for Dick to hear him.

Tim (voice muffled): There’s no point in doing anything today. Let me wallow in the depths of my despair.

Dick (sincere helpful tone): We can get lunch, see a movie, whatever you want.

Tim groaned as he pushed himself off the floor and trudged over to the door. Under normal circumstances, he would have leaped at the opportunity, but today was different. When he opened the door, Dick took a step back, taken aback by Tim's disheveled appearance.

Dick (holding his nose): Have you showered at all?

Tim (hollow tone): No. I’m staying in until my dad’s birthday is over. Just leave me be.

With that, Tim shut the door again, returned to his original spot on the floor, and flopped back down, squeezing his eyes shut and resting a hand on the back of his head.

Dick (sudden realization): Dad's birthday! That’s today.

He lingered for a beat, recognizing the inappropriateness of his reaction.

Dick (cont’d): With that in mind, Bruce and I will give you the space you need.

Tim (sarcastically): Fantastic.

Tim hit replay on his dad’s favorite jazz song for the fifteenth time, closing his eyes as memories of happier moments washed over him.

---Wayne Manor Kitchen- Three Hours Later---

Tim finally emerged from his room, propelled by thirst and a craving for juice. He walked past Jason in silence, retrieved a bottle of pomegranate juice from the fridge, and sank heavily into a chair at the kitchen table. Jason glanced up from his phone, noting how worn out Tim appeared.

Jason: Hi, Tim.

Tim grunted, uncapping the bottle and chugging from it. Jason eyed him, puzzled by his behavior.

Jason: You okay?

Tim (drained): I feel nothing.

Jason (nodding): Mm-hm, you look like a crazy homeless guy outside my apartment.

Tim (deadpan): That’s pretty spot on.

Jason: Have you taken a shower? Because you—

Tim (insulting himself): Smell like I bathed in skunk juice and then doused myself in air freshener? I'm aware.

Jason nodded, picking up the empty juice container, astonished that Tim had downed it entirely, and taken aback by the stark change in his demeanor from bright, lively, and snarky to this despondent state. Tim’s gaze remained fixated on the ceiling.

Tim: The bright bulbs in the ceiling hurt my eyes.

Jason: That happens when you’ve been hiding in your room for too long.

Tim: I deserve this isolation... I wish I’d died twice to save them. Now all I have left are dead parents, depression, ADHD, and anxiety. What’s the point of being productive?

Jason (feeling awkward but trying to be civil): You’re not wrong.

Tim (hopeless): There’s no point... in anything. I couldn’t save them... I’m not a hero.

Jason grabbed Tim by his shirt, pulling him up firmly.

Jason: I can’t deal with this. We’re going outside!

Tim (somber): I want to lie here in my sorrow. At least feeling mentally dead brings me a little closer to my parents.

Jason shoved Tim into the back seat of his car, where Tim slumped against the seats, whimpering softly.

Jason: We can deal with that where I'm taking you.

He started the engine and drove off leaving the Wayne Manor.

Jason (cont’d): By the way, Tim, you’re channeling more emo than Bruce on a good day. We need to change that. Fresh air and—burning those clothes.

Tim (muffled due to his face buried in the seats): Uggggghhhhhhhh.

Jason (turning up the radio): Glad you agree.

---Gotham Park - Twenty Minutes Later---

Jason strolled down a path, Tim trailing behind him like a shadow through the park. Tim longed for the solitude of his room, where he could wallow in despair, but Jason had ventured out of his own gloomy comfort zone to reach out. They had a rocky history, but that was in the past.

When they reached the top of a hill, Jason stopped at the spot, turning to face Tim.

Jason: This seems like a nice spot. You can—

Tim flopped onto the ground.

Jason: I meant you could sit down, but that works too.

He took a seat next to Tim and awkwardly patted him on the back of the head, not very skilled at offering comfort.

Jason (cont’d): Hey kid, um, how… how are you feeling?

Tim (face in the dirt): Dead inside.

Jason (trying to ease the tension): That… makes sense. I’ve been there. I was dead once, and I understand what it’s like to feel mentally dead. Not brain dead! You- You get what I mean.

Tim (annoyed as his face lay in the dirt): Mm-hm.

Tim rolled onto his back, shielding his eyes from the sun by resting his arm across his face.

Jason plucked little blades of grass while Tim let out a heavy sigh.

Tim (cont’d): You forced me to shower, change clothes, and currently I’m touching grass. Can I just go home and be sad there?

Jason: A few years ago, I would have done that, blamed you for what's happening to you, but sometimes it’s better to distract yourself when you’re feeling down. I never really got that chance, but now you have me to help you out. I'm not the best at comforting people, but I for you I'll make an exception.

Silence settled between them, prompting Jason to poke Tim’s arm to check if he was still awake.

Tim (irritated): I’m not asleep. My way of distraction is reminding myself how I failed in life. They’re both gone, and I’ve accepted that life is meaningless.

Jason (shrugging while plucking grass out of the ground): I mean, life isn’t completely meaningless. Most times it's a bitch, but you keep going. The fact I’m saying that has to mean something. Right?

Jason gave the depressed boy a half smile, but Tim wasn't having it.

Tim (bluntly): That you’re good at lying.

Jason: While that may be true, I mean it this time. Life is unfair, but you shouldn’t wallow in pity on your dad’s birthday.

Tim (voice trembling): I… just want to go home. I just want to go home. Why won’t any of leave me alone?

Tim refused to open his eyes in fear of crying.

Jason frowned, feeling a wave of empathy wash over him.

Jason (somber tone): We’ve had our... issues, if you know what I mean. You know the time I beat you up?

Tim (bitterly): When you said you made fun of my mom dying by drinking water?

Jason's eyes widened when he remembered that he did say that specific insult.

Jason: Right... I regret saying that, but that's in the past. Today, I want to be here for you. You don’t have to face this alone, even if it feels like the world is against you.

He hesitated, recalling past grievances.

Jason (cont’d): I made bad jokes about your mom and then your dad, and that’s probably why you don’t want me around right now.

Tim (despondent): You’re not wrong.

Tim didn't respond except for a quick huff from his breathing and he tried to block out any sadness that would make him break. He couldn't cry, not now, not ever and especially not in front of Jason Todd.

Jason (apologetic): And I’m... I'm sorry for what I said and the pain I accidentally put you through.

Tim: Accidentally?

Jason: That's the best you're getting out of me. You won't forgive me... I get that, but I apologizd to show you that I want to help you. You... You lost both your parents and have been holding in how you really feel for a while haven't you?

Jason (placing a hand on Tim's shoulder): Tim, it's not your fault.

Tim: Take me home.

Jason: It is not your fault that either of them died.

Tim (clenching his jaw): Shut up and take me home!

Jason: And they would want you to keep going. And people like me, Dick, Bruce, even Alfred will help you build up the strength to get out of bed without feeling hopeless.

Tim (sniffling): Why? I don’t deserve it.

Jason: You don’t deserve kindness while you grieve? I may not be your biggest fan, but you're not that bad. You’re young, smart, a decent fighter, and… a good person. You shouldn’t shut yourself off from the world because they're gone.

Tim took a deep breath as he felt the walls he put up around him falling away.

Jason: I kind of hate to even admit this, but you've proven yourself to be a decent hero. Which means you’re too damn persistent to give up on life. And we're not leaving until you just let it all out. We're on the top of a hill so we have semi-privacy.

Tim uncovered his eyes, but they remained closed. Jason waited for a response, allowing silence to linger as he gazed over the hillside.

Tim (finally speaking): I hate myself for not being able to save them. My mother... I never got to say goodbye and dad's last words to me was that he loved me. They're both gone and I feel like there could've been something for me to do to save them.

His lip quivered as he opened his eyes, then shifted down as he thought about the last words from his dad.

Tim: I thought I'd have all the time to talk to them, hug them and... they tell they love me. Now I’m alone and it's all my fault.

He covered his eyes again, letting a cascade of tears fall.

Tim (cont’d): I thought things would change when he woke up from the coma, but I got busy with... this life I thought I wanted! Then the last image I have of him is his... bloody corpse. I just remember shaking him awake like that would do anything.

Jason nodded, a sympathetic expression as he placed a hand on Tim's shoulder to comfort him.

Tim: They're both dead. They're both... dead. I'm the reason they're gone.

He wept softly, releasing the guilt he had buried beneath indifference. His heavy breaths echoed in the quiet space. Jason remained by his side, awkwardly patting Tim's shoulder for comfort.

Jason: Don’t blame yourself for things beyond your control. I swear, everyone in this family has blamed themselves for their parents' deaths.

Tim (between sobs): Not you.

Jason (bluntly): I shielded my mom who betrayed me to the Joker, before a bomb went off and killed us both. Believe me, I’m just as crazy as the rest of you.

He attempted to ease the tension with a joke, but Tim merely whimpered and gritted his teeth. Jason sighed but refused to give up.

Jason (cont’d): Come on, sit up.

Jason helped Tim sit up, positioning himself closer. Tim kept his head down, a frown clouding his face.

Tim (sadness in his voice): Now I’m crying like an idiot.

Jason (reassuringly): I’m not judging you for crying. If you were crying for something mundane I would, but let it out like I said.

Tim (loud): I hate this. I hate this. I just want my parents back!

Taking a deep breath, Tim said something he had never wanted to confess, especially in front of Jason. Jason patted the young man on the back again, it was his best way to comfort the person he tried to kill in the past.

Tim (cont'd): I remember when... when I thought it sucked they weren't around that much, but they were still in my li- life. I'd take barely around parents over ones I'll never see again.

Jason: Hm... What's something both of them likes?

Tim: My mom loved dandelions. She said weeds or not the cotton ball flowers always made her happy to see. I remember one time she picked a bunch of them in a field once when we... Went on vacation together. She looked so happy with those stupid flowers.

Tim chuckled while crying.

Tim: And my dad... He loved jazz music. Couldn't sing it, but he would play it almost every night to the point I got sick of it. I got sick of it and... Now I can't stop listening to it.

Tim bit down lightly on his finger as Jason sat next to him.

Jason (sympathetically): It's tough adjusting to that at a young age. Sorry to bring Bruce and Dick into this, but they've been through it... Fuck, I went through it and when time passes it... gets easier to manage.

Tim whimpered wiping tears from his eyes.

Jason (sincere): You say that you couldn't save them and you're a failure. You’re many things to me, Timmy boy, but someone who wouldn't want to protect others is not who you have ever been.

Jason gently nudged Tim.

Jason (cont’d): I’m not letting you go home feeling like Bruce. By the end of today, you'll feel slightly better. What do you want to do first? We can sit here, grab some food, hit the bookstore or library, or even go to a rage room—whatever you want, the day is yours.

Jason waited for answer, surprising Tim.

Tim (sniffling): What’s a rage room?

Jason: It’s a place where you can smash things. You pay to enter, get a bat or a golf club, and for thirty minutes or an hour, you just let loose on some broken stuff. It’s oddly therapeutic.

Tim: That actually sounds fun or maybe I’m just losing it.

Jason: Probably both. Want to go?

Tim lifted his head, considering the idea.

Tim (wiping his eyes): Why are you doing this? I thought you hated me.

Jason: Um… I did, but I've changed to toleratibg you. I can see you’re hurting, and I don’t want to act like I don’t care. You deserve more than that. Don't get used to me being this nice though.

Tim: If I get better don't expect seeing me cry like this.

Jason (smiling earnesly): Sounds good to me. I thought you were just this annoying ric— upper middle class brat who stole my mantle— which you are—but you’ve grown on me.

Tim: This feels like a trick, like you’re going to toss me in your car and drive off a bridge or something worse. Which I'd deserve…

Jason: I’m not going to kill you; that’s out of my system. But for the rest of the day, drop the self-hate—that’s my specialty.

Tim wiped his nose, a dry laugh escaping him.

Tim: Maybe you are the best person for this. Plus, you dragged me out of the house, and I’m too depressed to drive or walk home....All right, take me to the rage room first.

Jason nodded, helping Tim stand to his feet.

Jason: That’s the spirit, let’s go. Then we can hit the Waffle House.

Tim: Isn't that place dangerous?

Jason: I have a gun. We’ll be fine.

As they walked, Tim hesitated.

Tim: Did Dick tell you to do this? If he did, you’re not obligated to-

Jason (interrupting): Yeah, Dick called me about what you were going through, but he never asked me to step in. I wanted to help… myself; this is too important to hand off to someone else.

Tim managed a weak smile, appreciating the gesture.

Tim: I still have my doubts, but I appreciate this—for now.

Jason: Just don’t expect this from me all the time. I do feel bad for you, but against my better judgment, I'd rather make you feel less dead inside than laugh at you.

Tim (judgement tone): Or send me a Christmas card with you next to my mom’s grave?

Jason laughed.

Jason: That was a fun Christmas card, wasn’t it?

Tim rolled his eyes, but after a moment, he let out a dry chuckle.

Tim: I can’t believe this is happening, but your jadedness is lifting my spirits.

As they continued toward the car, a small weight began to lift from Tim's heart.

Tim (cont’d): If you have a picture at my dad's grave though, I'm beating you with a wiffle bat.

Jason chuckled, feeling lighter himself.

Jason: That’s the Tim I remember! No worries, I’m not that much of an asshole anymore.

Tim: We’ll see.

They climbed into Jason’s car, the atmosphere lightening.

Jason: All right, let’s get to that rage room. No crying there; you can do that afterward.

Tim nodded, giving a thumbs-up while resting his head against the window as they drove away. His guilt and depression wasn't gone, but Jason's support was a good start.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Sorry, but can I just stress something about Louis that drives me insane? 

In his route where you've saved him, he kills Dorian. Louis directly kills another person. He shot her with a crossbow through the mouth.

It’s unavoidable. 

Sure, it’s considered an accident, and even so, it was also self-defense—Dorian sure wasn’t there for a friendly chat, after all. 

But here's the thing... of the Ericson crew, we know that Clementine, AJ, and Marlon have killed someone. And Minerva if you want to count her, too, since she once was part of the group . But the others? Maybe they have killed before and we just don’t know about it, whether it be out of mercy or self-defense.

Violet in her route had the chance to kill Minerva, but understandably, she didn’t. She opted to shoot her in the shoulder instead… but we never see her kill anyone herself. 

Maybe you could count indirect kills because of the bag of bricks/log that kills Yonatan, and maybe you could consider Mitch’s death as indirectly Tenn’s fault… Speaking of Mitch, he tried to kill Lilly, but we all saw how that turned out, didn't we? 

…but Louis? He killed Dorian. That was his first kill. His first. 

And he feels awful about it! He apologizes to the body as it lays warm at his feet! He’s shaking and can barely speak!! It feels like bile! He doesn't even have time to process it because uh oh, the boat's going to explode!

But he’s also been so hardened over the season by everything that’s happened to him that he comes out of it glad that he has it in him to kill because if that’s what it takes to protect Clementine, AJ, and his family and home, then he’ll do it even if he doesn’t want to.

How does that not drive anyone else utterly mad?

Fandom considers him the funny guy! He's cute and silly! He makes Clementine laugh!

He's also done murder! He's taken a life! Just like Clementine and AJ have! Just like Marlon did!

And honestly, I think this also leads to him forgiving AJ for killing Tenn because at this point, he understands. He hates it, and he wishes it didn’t have to be this way, but he gets that AJ saw something that he didn’t. Louis knows that AJ’s hurting just as much as he is, he even says as much if Clementine says anything other than “AJ saved your life” on the bridge. 

He relived Marlon’s death when Tenn died, but it’s not like his hands are clean, either… and neither were Marlon’s. Clementine’s hands definitely aren’t clean. 

It drives me crazy that best friends Louis and Marlon have each killed someone in TFS but Marlon killed Brody in a moment of panic because he’s a coward who wanted hide what he did while Louis killed Dorian in a moment of panic because he was trying to save Clementine from Minerva and she came up behind him like… hhhhnnnnggggggggg, y’know?

Oh, and don't even get me started on the clouis aspect of this because I'll lose it. He talks to her about it because he knows she'll understand, just like how she's always understood him. How he goes out of his way to tell her that having a home means protecting it and he's going to protect it [that home being her, AJ, and Ericson] no matter what because he wants to build this new life with her aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I've lost it—

[bloomingdead]

i might go in depth on this later, after I’ve played the game a few times, but i really think the greatest issue with datv is a lack of time. there’s such a good shell there, although it seems very disjointed and poorly written at times, even compared to inquisition which used to be considered the worst of the games. like the companions internal struggles feel hollow, it’s like they tried too hard to shorten quests and decided that they required less talking rather than less gameplay. which is awful considering how they promised to have “gone back to their roots” with focusing on their characters. but a lot of it felt half-assed.

like yes i had to improve my relationships with my companions and their factions in order to get a “good ending” but there were so many side quests that could’ve just been blended into the story missions while gaining me approval with my companions. if i don’t bring the companion with me, they’ll be standing at the trigger point to start the personal quest when i arrive anyways. so then why couldn’t i have had my party of 3 turn into 4 when i meet up with this companion, have it be a feature of the story mission I’m on, and in return increase my bond with both the companions in my party as well as the tag along for their personal quest, that is built into the story missions rather than just coincidentally in the same map location as the story missions? if all of my companions are “at every main story fight but just off screen doing their own thing,” why couldn’t the gloom howler mission be apart of a story mission, where i meet up with davrin real quick and we do our free willy thing, then go back to fighting the main boss?

and the 1 on 1 socialization writing is so weak, it really feels like no one ever wanted to make suggestions or (constructively) criticize a coworker’s work, or like they all checked their own work without anyone else looking it over. which in turn has left the veilguard feeling scared to openly criticize one another. there’s no real tension, there’s no scene where a companion is drunk and angry the world is ending, no scene where we get drinks together (unless you include the intro bar scene w varric ig), no scene where i was genuinely scared there’d be no positive resolve between any two characters including my own, no genuine infighting like would be natural in an organization rushing to save the world.

i know from interviews I’ve watched in the past, BioWare has some weird thing with springing entire storylines on employees. like trick being spread thin is talked about in a positive light, as if they’re just so amazing they can do anything when really, i can tell taash’s writing suffered in favor of solas. as if someone said either you get everything you want with character A at the expense of character B, or the inverse. how many writers did they do this to in this game, that aren’t on trick’s level of detail oriented? is this an intentional tactic utilized to force compromise in a company where the employees are nervous to be genuine with their criticism? or is it just a symptom of a rushed game with fired/quitting employees being scabbed halfway thru the game? whoever was in charge of making sure different employee’s visions were meshing, they did a poor job.

[kabishkat19]

Hot Take : Cassandra🖤

(Normally I don’t make posts like this but I need this off my chest)

My roommates and myself just rewatched season 1 of “Tangled series” and all the raged emotions just came flooding back; as much as this show did have it’s fun, sweet and good moments overall can not enjoy this show.

Despite the many things I could point out *cough cough* Eugene being a secret prince bullshit *cough* the big thing I can’t stand is the Cas plot line. I know I’m gonna get angry people coming after me but I just don’t care, I couldn’t stand Cas’s plot in this whole series! Season one she was fine the set up was good, even if she was trying to convince Rapunzel she couldn’t trust Eugene;

The one guy who saved her life! The first person she ever met you died for her!

She was still just introduced and was having development with trusting others and being nicer to Rapunzel. Everything was fine it could’ve been great but then the moonstone plot line happened and I just couldn’t anymore…

First off all it took was for her to find out her mother was gothel (why!? I also didn’t like that but another time) for her to suddenly forget that gothel kidnapped Rapunzel and hid her way for 18 years; before she knew of Gothel as her mother she heard the stories from Rapunzel no doubt how Gothel was ready to kill Rapunzel if it came down to it, then has the audacity to tell Rapunzel “you’re a princess you’ll never understand me, you’ve been given everything” Seriously! 18 years trapped and manipulated by a woman who abandoned you and Rapunzel is suddenly the bad guy!?

Like seriously! You knew!

Then she has a whole song about “I’ve been denied, no is on my side” when literally the first season is the other guards helping her prove herself to her dad who by the way never really stopped her just wanted her think things through; for god’s sake he trusted her over all the other guards to lead the army on Varian! Rapunzel herself was always on her side and did everything in her power to help! ‘I’m the luckless’ bitch! You are actually the luckiest person only ever got support and friendship from everyone, trained by a father who cared and believed in you, hell Gothel ain’t that person and she saw that! None of those flash backs in the mirrors gave off nurturing, in fact Cas was miserable in all of them!

When Cas! When! Only one who was very condescending is that relationship was you!

And before anyone comes at me with the whole “she was being controlled” she wasn’t though, she may have had a little whisper following her around but she was full body and mind when she grabbed that stone. And for it all to end with everything just forgiving her! Bull!

I was with Eugene trying to convince Rapunzel to deal with the fact that Cas betrayed them. I may the only person who feels this way but Cas was one of the least favourite characters in a show that just did my head in.

Such potential. Wasted.

[ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal]

Don’t ever tell yourself that you’re not enough, I am certain that you’re truly fine

PART SIX

Ot8 x reader

Word Count: 417

Just a warning, this is my first fanfic! Does have age regression themes so if you’re not a fan, I ask that you respectfully just don’t read <3 also this will definitely have some angst

!THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION!

Summary: Han confesses!

Short chapter

“I never had someone take care of me,” you say quietly, looking down at Changbin.

Chris looks at you concerned, standing from his chair. “How long have you been regressing for?”

“For about five years.” You reply to Chris, sighing a bit. “But I rathered take care if myself then grow attached to someone only for them to leave me.”

Han looks at you with his boba eyes, “why haven’t you told me about your regression?”

Before you can answer, Chris takes it upon himself to reply for you. “Age regression is personal, something not many are comfortable with sharing with others.”

“Ji, I-I…” You start to say, stuttering as you try and find the right words. “I just didn’t want to tell you, and have you look at me differently or leaving me.”

Han’s eyes start to become glassy as he stands up, practically pushing changbin out the way to be infront of you. “(Y/n) I would never leave you! You have to know that, no matter what you do, I can never leave.”

“I didn’t want to risk it.” You tell him softly, not wanting to meet his gaze. “You have your life here, you’re Han Jisung. I figured eventually you’d leave me, realize that I am nothing special.”

Han can’t hold back his tears anymore, “Yah! What is that supposed to mean?” He says loudly, making you jump a bit by the sudden noise. “I am Han Jisung, just like your (Y/n) (L/n)! You’re my world! There is no Jisung without (Y/n)! And now you’re here telling me you’re nothing special?” He’s crying at this point, his voice cracking with every word. “You may look at me like I’m just your friend who got lucky and became this idol. But you know what I see when I look at you?”

Your eyes are wide with surprise as you shake your head, not knowing where Han is going.

“I see my princess, the girl that motivated me 24/7 to become the person I am today. I see the girl that I’ve been so in love with since the day I met you!” Han rambles quickly, looking into your eyes desperately. “And now you’re telling me, that the girl that I been in love with, has been regressing all alone when I would’ve dropped everything to take care of her?”

Tears spring to your eyes after hearing Han’s confession. “A-Are you serious?” You stutter out, voice cracking slightly as your try and hold back your emotion.

(If anyone has request for future chapters or just one shots, fill free to let me know!)

(Taglist is open)

Taglist: @puppyminnie @galaxy4489

[arget-star]

This was SUPPOSED to be just a short lil thing and then I realized I can’t shut up. A continuation of this that somehow ended up at 1.3k

In which Sakura teaches you the beginnings of self defense

Cw: none! Just fluff and the obligatory Sakura teasing

“I’m not punching you,” you tell him stubbornly, hands planted on your hips. Sakura snorts in agreement.

“No, you won’t. Just throw one, will ya? I’m tryna teach you the basics, that’s all.”

Ugh, he’s so annoying sometimes. You huff, then release your hips, curling your fingers into loose fists. You know you won’t actually cause him harm—he’ll dodge anything you toss his way. It’s the principle of the thing that bothers you; everyone in Sakura’s life leading up to Furin did whatever they could to hurt him. Logically, you know this isn’t close to the same thing. Yet standing here, now, with the intention of aiming your knuckles directly into face…it’s harder to reconcile your emotions with good sense.

Sakura, oblivious to your internal struggle, gestures to your hands. “C’mon, defend yourself.” Perhaps he’s a bit more in tune with your emotional state than you realize; he sounds like he’s making a conscious effort to be patient.

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you comply, trying to copy the easy way he raises his own fists. Your shoulders are practically by your ears, and you feel too stiff, but at least your thumb isn’t tucked underneath your knuckles and your body is at a slight angle. Heterochromatic eyes assess you; it still baffles you, how anyone could see something so beautiful and immediately try to snuff it out.

He steps closer, placing his palms atop your shoulders. “Relax,” he murmurs, gently pushing down until he’s satisfied. “You’ll make yourself sore bein’ all tense like that.”

Honestly, you’d expected him to be a little gruff, given how he’d spiraled over your lack of self defense skills last week; this surprising tenderness is welcome. In fact, you do relax, some of your nerves melting away as he takes a step back.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he gives you a look you would call bored if you didn’t know better. His eyes flash with hidden excitement. The thrill of a fight—even teaching the mechanics of one—runs through him.

It’s cute, really, and you bite your bottom lip on a smile. Now’s not the time to tease him.

“Alright. Front hand, go.”

You stare at him. His cheeks no longer tinge pink whenever you do so, and privately, half of you mourns the loss. The other half is proud he’s growing more comfortable with your relationship. Inhaling through your nose, you tighten your fist, then unleash it straight for his nose with a sharp jab of your elbow.

Naturally, it doesn’t land. Sakura easily leans away, black eyebrow raising with a meaning you can’t quite discern. Is he impressed? Disappointed? “Too obvious where you wanted to punch. Couldn’t keep your eyes off my nose.”

You retract your arm, poking your tongue out at him. “Don’t I get a well done for my first attempt?”

Now a faint blush spreads atop his cheekbones. You don’t bother hiding your smile. He looks away with another scoff. “It wasn’t bad. Now stop teasin’ me! Ya wanted to learn, didn’t ya?”

Well, this had been his idea, one you readily agreed to if only to soothe his anxiety, but you refrain from pointing that out. A small glow of pride blooms in your chest instead; he praised you, in his own way, and that’s worth enduring a few of his prickly outbursts. “I did.” Truly, after you’d said yes to this, you realized just how much you did want to learn, especially to see the look of surprise on some jerk’s face the next time they tried hitting on you. Hardly anyone expects the girls in this town to defend themselves.

Sakura puts you through a dozen or so punching drills, correcting everything from how you twist your hips to how to best hold your other fist up while punching. Once he’s finally satisfied you’ve got the basics down, he stands in front of you again, looking completely unruffled. Meanwhile, strands of hair have come loose from your ponytail, hanging limply around your face. You flick away a particularly annoying piece dangling across your nose.

His pointed chin dips in silent go ahead. You’re prepared, this time. Mostly. You know where to focus—forward, but not lasered in on any one thing. Another inhale. You’re about to throw it, even have your hips half twisting, when a sudden idea strikes you.

“Wait, wait, hang on—can you pass me my sweater, please?” Oh, he’s going to be so mad. It will be absolutely worth it, if you can pull this off. Indeed, Sakura looks at you like you’ve gone crazy, but he still stomps over to the park bench you’d draped your sweater over earlier, picking up the garment with all the inherent gentleness everyone refuses to see in him.

“Tch, you can’t stop and ask for your sweater in the middle of a fight! You cold or somethin’?”

“Something like that,” you reply, fighting back a grin with every ounce of self control in your body. His fingers brush against yours as he passes you the sweater. He gives you another look, assuming his former position while you slip your arms into the soft material. Once situated, you resume your fighting stance, all trace of mirth gone from your expression. “Alright, take this!”

It’s a good punch, all things considered. You remember everything he told you, and you barely hesitate as you watch your hand inch closer to his (pretty) face. Sakura neatly sidesteps it, though not before you notice the approving little curve to his lips. Triumph makes the prideful glow inside your chest glow sunshine bright.

However, instead of throwing your arms up in success like he anticipates, you grab the lapels of your sweater and give it a little tug. “And that’s why I can’t stand weaklings,” you intone, in your best impression of Sakura, complete with a self-satisfied smirk.

The real Sakura tilts his head, confusion flickering across his face—and then it hits him.

Las night, you’d accompanied him and his vice captains to dinner at Café Pothos. Suo and Nirei, in clear disregard for their lives, had regaled you with tales of his first few fights with Bofurin, off-base impressions included.

His ensuing blush is a brilliant shade of crimson. You do feel a slight twinge of guilt; you’ll have to make it up to him somehow.

He takes a step back, launching an accusing finger in your direction. “I do not sound like that! ‘Nd I told ya to stop makin’ fun of me!” Notably, he makes no defense about the jacket tug. (You find that particular quirk of his incredibly endearing.)

Despite your best efforts, you can’t help the laughter bubbling up in your throat. Were it anyone else, it’d make him angrier, enough that he’d knock them out cold. But it’s you, and you’re murmuring out apologies in between peals of mirth, and well, he’s never able to stay mad at you. Sakura stands down, lowering his finger, unamused as you gather yourself. That glower of his is rather impressive.

“I couldn’t resist,” you finally say, giggle fit over. Stepping into his personal space, you drape your arms around his neck, curling a finger around a strand of hair. “Sorry, Haru. I promise you look way cooler than that.”

“How do you know, huh?” Sakura returns your hug, tugging you closer, until you’re flush against his chest. Incredible that only a week ago you were apologizing for calling him Haruka, and now his nickname flows so easily off your tongue, like you’d been saying it for years. He wonders, not for the first time, what his life would have looked like if he’d met you earlier.

“’Cause. I have seen you fight before. And you’re the strongest in Bofurin.”

Sakura rests his chin atop your hair. One day, he will be, and he knows it’ll be because you’re by his side.

[whimsyprinx]

going to be sad again rq and say that I have gotten closer to giving up on believing that I am loved or like worthy of love

[bibleofficial]

ok so man that i hooked up w like 2 weeks ago that i wanted to see for like dates: cancelled. i’m bored of him 😭😭😭