#like so many people have tried
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when someone whose only ever been an asshole to you realizes youâre being polite and donât actually like them and then they try and buy your love- like sorry youâre not a milf so that wonât work
#anyways- idk if yâall know Iâm at my wits end with my roommate#like heâs just one thing after the other#and literally cried cause I didnât want to snuggle with him and watch a movie on his laptop#or countless other things#I need a second to vent#and no one can buy my affection#like so many people have tried#and just- I donât care#sorry I needed to vent for a second#cause he just decided to buy a water fountain for my dog (she already has one)#to be nice#cause our other roommate pointed out he was being slightly mysignistic and also lets him know she doesnât like him#cause sheâs one of those beautiful souls who wear everything on their sleeves and will flip off anyone
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen
#ramble#this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally#context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now#i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it#i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed#and also i don't want to like. jinx it#i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something
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#disco elysium#disco elysium fanart#kim kitsuragi#harrier du bois#harry du bois#this is probably one of my fav conversations in the game...#sad that not many people get to see it(?) cause you need like 7 in empathy?#comics#comic art#trans#cw blood#blood#cw smoking#my first time making a comic i hope it looks okay lmao#ough i have so many thoughts about kim and his complicated relationship with his name#im interpreting the dialogues in a very transgender way but its definitely about his racial identity too#cause its a *seolite* name#another factor of him not being seen as a revacholian#and its one of the only things he has left of his parents too#i wonder if the name kim is seen as more masculine or feminine in seol and in other isolas?#im definitely *not* projecting haha#i read once in a fic that kim *attempted* to translate his parents' letters when he was young#10/10 fic made me cry#thats why i decided to add the seolite dictionary - i dont think kim would have *tried* to learn seolite otherwise#he definitely has some kind of internalized racism he needs to get over#sorry for rambling#my art
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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âšLeo placementsâš
disclaimer: i am not a professional and i write these posts for fun, so keep that in mind love
âïžsun in leo - these people have big hearts and they love, love attention. however, i have noticed that even though some like attention most of the time, others prefer it in an environment they can control, such as on stage, where they have rehearsed and know about the possible outcomes. they like to take care of themselves and enjoy life. they also love to spoil those they love, and their love is bright and warm. most of them are very creative and especially talented in one domain that they pursue bravely, such as cooking or writing. people notice them wherever they go, and they seem approachable and a little intense. what i mean by that is they seem excited and loud, which is lovely but too much for some people. this isn't true for all of them though; some can be shy to a certain degree when you meet them. they love talking and making people laugh, and this fuels them. they need people in their lives and cannot spend too much time alone. some time is needed for retrospect, which they usually use. they hate failing because it impacts them greatly, but many of them try to process this and continue like nothing happened. unless it is regarding matters of the heart, then it takes more time to get over someone
đmoon in leo - they like to see the best in people, and sadly many of them get disappointed with time, but there's a part of them that never gives up on people. they are very sensitive deep down and can get hurt easily. their ego truly is an issue, but if they recognize this and work on it, they can develop healthy relationships with others and themselves. they are very creative, and when they focus on their tasks and things they love, they can excel at them and don't stop until what they're working on is up to their standards. they are curious about many things, which is why they may start a hobby and then disregard it with time if their heart wasn't really in it. when they are angry, they can be really harsh and impulsive, similarly to aries, but i feel like they feel sorry about it more than aries because whatever they said to you remains ingrained in their memory. some of them tend to be selfish because their own happiness and worries are their main priority, which isn't bad per se, but it can get out of hand. they hate to waste time and feel like their life has no purpose or impact. i noticed that they have a competitive nature, even when playing games...they just love winning.
đŒascendant/rising in leo - vibrant, brave, optimistic, and a bit intense people at first glance. they have a strong hunger for happiness and passion. people mostly like them, but some have mixed opinions since some can feel overwhelmed by their energy and self-love. nevertheless, many appreciate their lively nature, and they are easily noticed wherever they go. even if you don't see them momentarily, you'll hear them because they are often loud and like to talk. they might have issues with overindulging in things like binge eating or spending too much money. they can have a strong desire to lead, and if not, they still want to contribute greatly to something and see their influence. they put effort into their looks if they have the time and money because they want to present themselves in the best light (for themselves and others). people usually notice them by their hair, and i'd also like to add that their eyes are very sparkly and focused, and that they may have really quick mannerisms.
đ»mercury in leo - quite expressive when they talk! humor is important to many of them, and they love people who can make them laugh. many tend to speak fast as well. their comedic timing is really good. if underdeveloped, they can be bad listeners and only want to focus on themselves and when it's their turn to talk. they also tend to have a smile on their face most of the time when speaking, just my personal observation. people are charmed by the way they communicate; they cannot help but feel warm. this placement is really passionate about various topics, and it is interesting to listen to them. they often like telling stories, and it feels like you're watching a movie play out because they are really into it and dramatic. there's a lot of passion in their speech, and while it can be over-the-top for some, many enjoy it. honestly, they are so cute. a downside could be their stubborn nature, which may limit their worldviews or general views on some things. they may seem carefree, but they are not, so approach them with kindness and respect.
âvenus in leo - they love romance and are very loyal and dedicated partners. they need lots of excitement and adoration in their relationship to remain happy. being with someone who takes life too seriously, doesn't praise them enough, and is not really active as a person is a big no for this placement. they love praising people and giving them thoughtful gifts and watching your face light up when you open them. you'll feel super special with them if they think highly of you. they can get crushes from time to time, but if they love you and want to commit, it is harmless. they are very loving toward their friends and are loud about their affections. basically, they adore all love languages, but primarily quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch would be their top three (in my humble opinion). they also love going places with their loved ones because they have lots of energy and curiosity, and it's really fun to do anything with them. i'd also add that besides leo risings, i've found that leo venus also have curly or generally luscious hair.
âmars in leo-very bold and a bit stubborn. they need to be active and pursue what they love in order to remain healthy and happy. they are go-getters and they love to spread their positive energy. their stamina is very good. despite their impulsive nature, they are very focused on their goals and try their best to be great. they often get what they want and might really dislike when things don't go their way, but they never give up. may be too stuck in their own ways without seeing the big picture or other perspectives, so they need to be more open-minded because this will help them achieve their goals and form healthier relationships. they are immensely proud of their achievements and especially of the things their loved ones achieved. they can get carried away by their passions, no matter how hard they try not to. their sweetness shines in this placement as well because they truly want to be friends with everyone. lastly, if you're their person, they will be extremely loyal to you
âĄsaturn in leoâthey may struggle with being more optimistic, putting themselves first, and taking leading roles in any area of their life. they can care too much about what people think or might think about them, so they need to snap out of it. they can be very strict with themselves and quit before even trying things out. just do it, hun; the only way out is through (sadly, but yeah). they are very capable people who already have everything they need within themselves, so trying things out even when scared can bring them lots of luck and, honestly, a better life. putting yourself out there doesnât mean being vain, pathetic, or needy if youâre not hurting anyone in the process. this placement wants recognition deep down, but they remove themselves from such situations. i'm here to tell you that youâll survive this and that you wonât lose your individuality in the process. youâll gain confidence and naturally attract the people who are right for you. on the bonus side, they are often careful and responsible.
đjupiter in leoâpeople with this placement shine brightly when they are in the spotlight. they want to enjoy life and pursue their passions, and the happiness they feel during these moments is contagious. they are generous and inspiring, so many people admire them and feel influenced by them. their generosity is also admirable and fulfilling for them. they can thrive in creative environments and in those where they can express themselves. they are also often good with kids and expressing their childlike nature, which helps them enjoy life and see things more positively. basically, focusing on themselves and others is what brings them luck and joy. they have leadership potential, and at the end of the day, they want someone to recognize their efforts, kindness, and talent, and give them lots of love.
thank you for reading!đđ§Ą
©rosesnbooks
#astrology#leo zodiac#leo placements#leo astrology#rosesnbooks#this wasn't easy to write cause it turns out i don't know many leo placements so this took work#even soo i hope you like it !! tried my best <33#dividers by saradika-graphics#p.s. i have recently read that some people noticed leo risings are actually shy at first which was interesting. Idk what to tell you#i had different experiences but i see how it is possible!
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it's about...longevity? stability? it's about natsume believing he'll be somewhere long enough to plant flowers and see them bloom. it's about him taking touko seriously when she asks him to tell her what flowers he wants to plant. it's about making something with his own hands, building a future with the fujiwaras. it's about him repairing a rundown home for someone else, restoring it because it's beloved to them, because it's the home of someone they love. it's about him seeing touko's joy and thinking about the youkai saying we'd like to look upon her happy face forever. it's about the box garden making him think of the fujiwaras' garden and his parents' garden, about the flowers being both the memory of flowers that bloomed there before, and the flowers that he and the youkai planted earlier that day. it's about him waking up in both worlds with sensei. it's about touko finding the petal in his hair. it's about him feeling how he falls short and the youkai saying, but you have such gentle hands...
#watch this right after the ephemeral ones to die instantly. i assume. i haven't tried it#i feel like so many of the emotional beats that destroy me in this story come down to impermanence#accepting loss and change. finding the beauty in transience. treating every encounter as something preciousâ knowing it's ephemeral#and this chapter is about...also accepting renewal? allowing oneself to think about the possibility of love lasting#allowing oneself to put down roots. nurturing what is there. building foundations. doing it for and with people#god you know what else you shouldn't watch this after if you don't want to keel over dead probably. the childhood home arc#natsume can now think of the memory of sitting with his father looking at his mother's garden#and associate it with warmth instead of pain. because he's no longer afraid of losing it. because of the trust he has built#because he knows he can build something. the people here have made it safe for him and he has and he is and he will#i am crying so hard i should be collecting my tears for water reclamation purposes#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu meta#my posts
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Return date for my webcomic, Time and Time Again!
It's been set for a while but sometimes they change the date without warning, so I'll keep you updated if anything changes!
I'm extremely proud of the work I've been doing on it, I can't wait to share everything!
See you then!
#i still have to finish book 4#soooo iiiiiii will do that... this week...#really trying to be done with it but this one is taking so long for all the changes!#hoping to have an update on that soon too#might have taken on a few too many projects#but yay! return!#yippee!!!#i would say sorry its been so long but theres no way it could have been shorter and other people are gone way longer#i tried to leave things on a nice note so itd only be missed for wanting more#and not missed for feeling abandoned#ok! time to get up for another day of work! really need some things off my list so my days can be like.#9/10 hours instead of 12 LOL#im so tired. im legitimately extremely overworked it's a problem#ok bye back to work for me#return#hiatus stuff#time and time again#announcement#use this post to talk about how excited you are and make guesses and shower me with praise :-)[-[#LMAO
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merlinâs secret being a visual thing. when he is around arthur or gwen or leon or morgana or [insert whatever character here] merlin seems pale and thin, almost like a ghost or an apparition. when the sun lands on him he reflects it like a corpse, he eyes seem dark and dull. he has this ethereal beauty to him, this otherworldly visage that leads many to believe he is of fae blood. he just doesnât seem to be 100% human. but when he is ONLY with lancelot or gaius (cough or gwaine bc gwaine DEFINITELY knew) merlin is heartachingly human. merlin shines in the sunlight, colors are brighter and more vibrant around him, and his smiles are wide and his laughs are boisterous. he takes on color and leaves everyone wanting to know him. but when other join in or interact with the two, merlin shifts before their eyes so quickly and suddenly that they arenât sure whether or not what they saw was a trick of the light. the idea still leaves them wanting more and wanting to see the merlin who is just so full of life but that merlin only appears for a small select group of people. merlin who has a guard so high that it has an effect of otherâs perception of him.
#arthur is absolutely steaming about this btw#he so desparately wants to be in the golden bubble around merlin in those moments#but his mere presence seems to pop it#hes fuming#its not until after the magic ban is repealed that everyone gets to see the glowing golden merlin#and they finally realize what the trick of the light was#merlin who is magic incarnate who (no matter how hard he tries) cannot fully repress what makes him him#arthur who finally gets to be in the golden bubble and its so much better than he ever couldve imagined#merlins magic is finally able to roam free the way it only could with a few people#merlins magic who absolutely adores arthur and is constantly reaching out for him even if him and merlin arent in the same vicinity#lmao arthur bringing up how merlins magic likes to card thru his hair and ease any sore muscles he may have#and lancelot and gwaine going âwtf? what about my muscles and hair?? merlin hates me?? merlin is playing favorites???? jail.â#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#subtle magic my beloved#visibly Strange merlin my dear#idk i was thinking about pre-magic reveal!arthur watching merlin and lancelot talking and then pouting and going#âwhy doesnt he smile and look at me like that? :(â#and then post-magic reveal!arthur having a moment of realization and going#like âoh hes hiding a huge part of what makes him him. i only know half of my best friend.â#and then setting out to know ALL of him bc arthur and merlin are soulmates and in love and two sides of the same coin and best friends and-#im going thru my drafts and finding so many banger posts#idk why i never posted them LMAOO
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Incorrect, the fact that Biden has dropped out and a candidate with history of supporting medicare for all and being more receptive to a ceasefire in the I/P conflict has made me go from "I cannot morally support the Democratic nominee" to "I am voting for the Democratic nominee despite the fact she isn't perfect in every respect." I'm really happy this played out. The Dems for the most part abandoned the old Obama platform and it feels like its possible an actual progressive agenda could come to pass in my lifetime.
Kamala 2024!
If you weren't going to vote Democratic in this election before Biden dropped out you're a dorkass loser who does not care about any of the issues you're yammering about here and also a fundamentally bad person, and I hope you get run over by a bus.
But you got one thing right in all of this gibberish, Kamala 2024.
#personal#answered#anonymous#i mean let's be clear here no president is gonna attempt to be progressive ever again within my lifetime#because joe biden tried to do like 25% of that and got ZERO fucking credit#he did so much on healthcare on reform on loans on so many social issues and for all his litany of failings on i/p#he has been distinctly harsher on netanyahu than a good chunk of dems and certainly the entire republican party#for the first time since i was four we are not involved in any wars as americans and that is thanks to joe biden#but the thing is that he gets no credit for any of it!#him pulling out of afghanistan caused his approvals to tank in a way that never recovered#and leftists gave him FUCK ALL for it#they gave him nothing they just continued whining that even tho he cancelled a bajillion in student loans#he didn't actually cancel a QUADRILLION dollars so both parties are the same and voting is the most arduous task known to man#no democrat who is running is going to forget that catering to leftist/progressive policies gets them zero leeway with those supporters#that it not only tanks numbers but you still get constant haranguing about it anyway#so they're not gonna do it#we are gonna get fuckall for at least a good fifty years#and anything we get will be utterly in SPITE of people like you anon it will happen in spite of everything you've done#mostly because of people like me and mine who understand that voting is the bare minimum#and that for the democratic process to work the way you want it to you need to participate and not pitch a fucking fit#like a four year old who was told they can't go to disney this weekend#like i know you ratfuckers are happy this played out because this is all a game to you and you don't actually care#but that's why i've got zero faith in you people and why i'm glad it's my kind of folks#actual die hard democrats who have always been hardliners for supporting democrats in every possible election#who are picking up the slack and donating to harris and supporting her agenda#which is the exact same as biden's because she's his vice president and they share they same platform#because that's what they were both running on! twice!#anyway fuck you please feel free to find a necktie and test how tall your doorframe is
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How do you think megumi handles a jealous gf? Try to talk? Give her affectionate head pats? Hug her a little more? Or just rails her all night?
He'd getting an ego boost regardless btw
You have opened a wormhole for me with this ask and Iâm gonna try to be normal while answering it but also I have to get this out so walk with meâŠ.
In short, yeah he does get a sort of ego boost, but itâs mostly⊠reassurance? Heâs so spoiled with attention and he doesnât even realize it until youâre Not jealous⊠and even though heâll deny this until the day he dies, itâs so evident. He doesnât really need you to get overtly jealous, he doesnât need you throwing stones at people who look at him twice, or scolding him for thirty-second interactions with attractive strangersâbut he does expect a certain level of protectiveness from you. Heâs your significant other, shouldnât you want to?âhe knows he feels it. And besides, he really doesnât know any other way to show his love for people, and more importantly, how to see that other people are showing their love for him. Megumi has always had dogs in the literal sense of his pets, but also in the people who care about him: Gojo follows him around and bothers him and nips at him like a spoiled chihuahua even if Megumi tells him off for it, Nobara invades his life and personal space like a bratty yorkie, and Yuuji is the husky he mistakenly gave affection once and is now dramatic whenever he doesnât receive it. So when you donât follow Megumi around, when you donât nuzzle yourself into him to get his attention, when you donât paw at him to get him to pay attention to you instead of whoever or whatever heâs currently engaged with, heâs so confused, and a little bit upset, and a lot pouty. Because why do you hate him⊠if you loved him, youâd simply bark for his attention, wouldnât you đ?
So when you DO any of those things, when you huff when heâs not paying attention to you, or get upset that he has other plans, or tell him you donât like the person heâs been spending time with instead of you, then that teeny part of him that loves that reaction is very satisfied. He knows he probably shouldnât feel this happy to have you jealous, but he does, and such is life⊠sometimes he acts gruff if youâre being unreasonable dramatic about whatever youâre jealous of, but most times he tries to play it cool, reassure you that he doesnât like who or whatever more than youâgives you a pat on the head, pokes at your cheek briefly, if heâs feeling really happy about you having your paws on him you might get a kiss to the side of your head; all his silent way of calming your nerves and saying âgood girl,â because thatâs the reaction he expects of you. Honestly, heâll do whatever it takes to make you happy if you really are upset with him, because he loves you and he doesnât want you to feel badly, but also because heâs a little bit giddy that you want all of his attention like this, so who is he not to give it to you
#anonymous#heâs soâŠ. heâll do anything but Ask for attention but when you Donât pay attention to him heâs like ?????#and when youâre paying too much attention/jealous heâs HAPPY about it??âŠâŠ. heâs soâŠâŠâŠâŠ heâs not shit thatâs what he is đ#listen i tried to keep this ask normal but i could have mentioned his thing about putting collars on people but thatâs more his jealousy#and possessiveness coming to fruition not Yours#how many dog analogies can i make with him⊠only time will tell đđ#oh to be one of megumiâs puppiesâŠ.. even tho he says he didnât ask for any of them đ (liar) and now heâs#upset if you all donât show him affection⊠such a fake idgafer#megumi x reader#jjk x reader
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: âMe in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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Halo
#mmm ok lemme just start w the tags then ill ramble#welt yang#hsr#honkai star rail#hi3#honkai impact 3rd#my art#ok anyways. i didnt have too many thoughts when i started it beyond âuni is killing me but i NEED to do my daily drawingsâ#some thoughts did go through my mind while drawing which determined the direction this went in#which is that this could be a badass heroic drawing but.. it isn't. this doesn't feel very happy does it?#it makes him look a bit lonely#but something about the pose and the red is ominous. like he's unreadable but theres something sad about it#the moon in the background has a bit of a double meaning - namely the actual moon and its purpose in hi3#as the final destination of the honkai and the story but.. him as well#and as a halo. i love that the three major organizations in hi3 are basically religious groups#and AE basically worships joyce and his legacy (!) and welt tries to fill that. i mean the title sovereign alone means like. absolute ruler#an untouchable figure in terms of power and control over their people#so i really like to give him some sort of fucked up fake halo. he can imitate a saintly figure but it dehumanizes him in turn#he even talks about humanity like he's not a part of it#what's left is some kind of creature mimicking divinity but becoming isolated and inhuman in the process#(gesturing wildly) THINK ABOUT THE COSMIC HORROR POTENTIAL OF BEING A HERRSCHER. HE LITERALLY PERCEIVES REALITY DIFFERENTLY. CMON.
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merry christmas @luminousbeings-crudematter, here's the ghoap x reader purge au! (a week and a half after you posted about it... im so sorry)
5.7k, mind the tags <3
cw: ROUGH NONCONSENUAL SEX in all caps, pwp, under-prepared/painful anal sex, some pretty intense fear stuff, people covered in blood and referenced violence (it's a purge au lol)
Your hands tremble where theyâre tucked close to your chest, blood sticky and thick between each finger. You feel coated in it, like someone has taken a brush and gone over every inch of your skin, painted you in red.
Itâs in your mouth. You can feel the warmth of it on your tongue, the taste of iron sickening. You tell yourself that maybe you bit your tongue, that itâs not really your ex Philâs blood coating your teeth.
Your thin pajamas are hardly any protection against the chill of the night air, less so with how soaked they are. The stench of piss is heavy in the air, a mixture of yours and his, but you donât have time to go back inside and change.
Youâre running on pure instinct, an animal urge deep in your mind insisting you run. Youâd always thought youâd have more of a flight instinct than fight. Despite how you feel now, how your legs itch to carry you as far away as possible, the cooling corpse left behind tells you the truth.Â
You stumble into the wall, a wave of nausea knocking you off balance. Thereâs a trail of red left behind as you use one hand to balance yourself, the other held protectively over your heart.Â
Your security system - cheap, but usually enough to let you sleep through the Purge - is completely destroyed. Thereâs no chance of it protecting you, and the bust in windows will let anyone on the streets see your vulnerability. Youâll never feel safe there, and you canât shake the need to run.
Thereâs no chance of any of your neighbors helping you. Thereâs some neighborly camaraderie between your floor-mates, but that all disappears on Purge night. Itâs every man for himself, every year, without fail. You know that. You even think the same as them, pretend no one else exists when that siren goes off every year.Â
But now, shaking and terrified, you wish you could knock on a door and see it open. Hear the security system disengage and see a familiar face, beg for help and thank them on your knees.
Itâs a nice fantasy. Reality is less kind, seeing you shake with a dawning chill as you manage to shoulder open the door to the stairwell, cringing when it slams behind you.
The cold cement is rough on your feet, and a distant part of yourself worries about slipping - your feet are slick with blood, and you can hear yourself leaving a trail of footsteps. You donât try to slow down, holding tight to the metal railing and shuffling down the stairs.
Youâre halfway down the first of four flights when the door on the next floor opens, a large figure stepping into the stairwell. Your stumble to a stop before you even register that youâre not alone anymore, and youâre backpedaling before you even fully realize.
Heâs big, his face covered in a red skull mask. From your vantage point you can see his hair is shaved into a mohawk, and heâs shirtless with only a pair of gray sweatpants on.
Heâs drenched in blood. Even more than you, and you feel like youâre drowning in it. If youâre painted in blood, someone took a bucket and dumped it on this man. You can hardly see any unmarked skin, and you wonder for a split-second if the skull was once white.
Thereâs an audible grin in his voice when he calls up to you. âLookâit you, bonnie thing. You tryinâ to run?â He steps to the side, leaving a wide open space for you to pass him to the next staircase. Youâre frozen where youâre leant against the railing, hardly able to breathe. âCâmon, give it a shot.âÂ
You listen, scrabbling further back and all but throwing yourself up the stairs on all fours. Youâre only the need to get away, an innate fear that tells you to get as far from the blood-soaked man as quickly as possible. You swear you hear him laugh as you launch yourself up the next flight, panting already.
Thereâs no safety found in going up though, as hardly two flights later youâre tugged to a stop by your instincts alone.
Standing above you, hardly six feet away and blocking the door he mustâve just come from, is another giant. This one fully clothed and with a white skull mask, somehow bigger and more intimidating than the man you can hear coming up the stairs behind you. You canât see even an inch of skin, black gloves on his hands and mean black combat boots reaching nearly his knees.
Thereâs a moment, before the chase ends, where you contemplate jumping over the railing. Thereâs no going up, thereâs no going back, and you canât even begin to imagine what these two men want with you. The only thing that keeps you from throwing yourself over is the fear that you wouldnât die on impact, that youâd be left injured and even more vulnerable to these men.
Youâre not sure you couldâve tried that plan had you even wanted to, because the moment it forms fully in your mind a pair of thick arms wraps around you, and a heavy weight forces you to the ground.
You cry out at the sudden shove, palms scraped raw against the cement. The man behind you covers your body completely - his knees bracket yours, his hands rest on either side of your head, and thereâs no part of the back of you that isnât cloaked in him.
He doesnât say anything as he ruts against you, the blood from his chest soaking through your tank top and making you cringe further away. You canât stop the quiet stream of whimpers as you try to shrink into the stairs, try to get away from the beast behind you. He doesnât care, only drops more of his weight onto you and pantomines fucking you.
You can feel the outline of his cock through his pants, as thin as the clothes both of you are wearing are. If you werenât wearing your shorts, if he tugged the waistband of his pants down, heâd be inside of you.
The thought makes you tear up, makes you want to slam your head back and try to knee him in the balls, makes you want to fight.
But all your fight is gone. It died with Phil and your security system, and youâre left only with a weight in your bones that makes you wish you could sink through the floor.Â
The hard plastic of the skull mask presses to the sensitive skin of your cheek, biting into the fat there. You can see the gleam of bright blue eyes in the sockets, the creases at the edges that tell you heâs smiling.
âYou gonna fuck her here for the first time?â The white skull asks, voice deep enough that you hardly register the words. Your eyes are jerked to his form and it makes you shiver to see him sitting on the top of the staircase youâre pinned to, legs spread wide as he stares down at you with a cigarette between lips exposed by the tilted mask. You feel like a sacrifice, thrown to the stairs of a temple for a god.
âCan I?â The man over your shoulder pants, accent roughened from his own movements. You canât tell if the wetness between your thighs is piss, blood, or an even worse option. You bite your tongue to hold back a whine, wince at the burst of iron in your mouth.
The man above you tilts his head, smoking blown into the air. âYou fuck her here, you wonât get to go again on the roof. Donât need you gettinâ spoiled.â
Your nails dig into the concrete, folding beneath the pressure as you shake beneath the red skulled man. He whines over you, like a petulant kid being told no for the first time, but goes still against you. That alone has you blinking open damp eyelashes, watching him from the corner of your eyes.
âAlright, Iâll wait,â he pants, chin resting on your soldier. âGive ye some time to get ready, huh lass? Itâll be easier for ye then. Just think about what weâll do to ye, how good itâll feel to get properly fucked, yeah?â
You sob when he grinds one final time against you, your hips pushed into the harsh edge of the stairs.Â
Heâs dragging you up after that, hardly letting either of you stand fully before shoving you up the stairs. You canât catch your balance and let out a small cry as you fall back to your knees, mouth twisting in pain at the unforgiving surface against your naked knees.
You flinch when a gloved hand grasps your chin, tugging up until youâre forced to look towards the white skull above you.
Youâve landed between his feet, a boot on either side of your body, and if youâd moved forward even another half foot, youâd have face planted into his lap.Â
Your heart skips a beat when you realize youâre making eye contact with him. The dark brown of his pupils blends almost seamlessly with what must be black paint smeared around his eye sockets, and the only reason you even realize youâre locked in a staring contest is the way the light reflects off the whites of his eyes.
You donât have time to try and move away from him on your own (or, more accurately, to throw yourself backwards and pray you didnât break something falling down the stairs) before a pair of bare hands are shoving you up from beneath the armpits, making you almost squeal as you jerk in the direction youâre forced.
âUp, câmon,â red skull grunts, hands flitting from one part of your exposed skin to the next as he herds you upstairs. âNeed to get inside ye, kitty, fuckinâ walk.â
You sob as you stumble up the stairs, the top of your foot scraping painfully against the concrete. You glance over your shoulder just in time to see White stand to follow you two, but youâre nearly sent sprawling again when Red only shoves you all the more harshly.
âPl-please,â you manage to gasp, shoulder roughly bouncing off the wall. A glance up tells you youâre two full flights away from the rooftop. âPlease, I donât know what you want, b-butâŠâ You can hardly talk around the sobs floating in your throat, choking you. âPlease, please donât hurt me.â
Red groans as he tugs you nearly off balance, the sound echoing off the walls and full of what you can only describe as hunger.
âFuck, havenât even gotten ye naked yet ân yer already beggin. Knew yeâd be perfect for us.â
You can hardly see through the tears in your eyes, the rest of the trip up to the roof all gray with streaks of red and black. You canât focus enough to try and get away again, canât get enough of your panic under control to fucking think.
The red skull catches you when you almost go careening over the rails, one broad hand catching you by the chest and gripping.
He groans, you flinch. âFuck, cannae wait to get my mouth on these.â He pinches with his whole hand, your breast going sharp with pain on every fingertip. You whine, flinching further against his chest and trying to shrink away.
âKeep movinâ, Soap.â
âAye,â Red - Soap - pants, and you can practically hear the saliva gathered in his mouth when he swallows. âCâmon, kitty, only a little further.â
The blood on your hands has dried by the time White is shouldering open the door to the roof, your hands itching and the red flaking away every time your fingers twitch. The night air is a cold shock, just jarring enough to tug some reason back into your brain.
Soap doesnât stop his herding until youâre far enough from the door for his partner to block it with an old metal chair, the back tucked under the door handle. You tuck your hands beneath your arms, shoulders curled in in an attempt to preserve warmth.
You wouldnât have expected the night to be so cold. Half of the street is burning - flames painting the sky, giving you the exact opposite impression of the biting chill you feel. There are dozens of people in the streets, carrying guns and axes and chainsaws and all sorts of other weapons you canât see. You feel bile rise in your throat when you realize the dark pools reflecting flames in the street are blood, not water.
âFuckinâ finally,â Soap grumbles, and you donât have any time to think before his mouth is pressed forcefully against yours, tongue shoving at your lips.
Your eyes are wide open, unlike his, and you make a shocked sound high in your throat at the sight of his maskless face. You canât really see what he looks like with the way heâs pressed against you, but itâs a shock nonetheless.
You keep your lips pressed tightly together, no matter how much his tongue prods and tries to force its way into your mouth. You feel more than hear him laugh against you after a few long seconds, and one of his massive paws comes up to cradle your jaw pointer finger against your temple and thumb under your chin.
He stops trying to force himself between your lips after almost a minute, instead shifting to just⊠licking your lips. His tongue paints wide across your mouth, soaking you in his saliva. Heâs almost scarily determined in the way he accosts you, his grip tight on your face as his other hand shifts to bruise your hip, covering what feels like the entire bottom-half of your face in his spit. You canât help but grimace, trying to pull away from him, but heâs pressed too close.
âCanât fuckinâ wait to be in ye,â he pants, breath warm and wet against your cheeks. âI know yer gonna squeeze me just right, bonnie, can tell already.â
âPlease,â you say, voice weak. âPlease, donât, I donât want you to-â
His groan is guttural. âYe wanna know a secret, bonnie?â His voice is quiet between the two of you, bright blue eyes boring deep into yours when he pulls back. To your endless frustration, heâs handsome.
He leans close, whispering so low that you almost have to strain to hear hum. âThatâs what makes you fun. Wouldnae be dragginâ you up here if ye wanted it, could get you any other night of the year for that. But itâs Purge night, lass⊠so you go ahead and fight as much as ye want, yeah? Just makes it more fun for me.â
You canât help but sob at that, fat tears streaming down your face as he maneuvers you. You feel disconnected from your body as he forces you down to the ground, your soft belly left exposed when he pushes up your tank-top to cup one of your breasts, a whimper crawling out of your throat at the way the gravel presses into you.
You feel his breathing grow heavier as his hands move down to your shorts, shoving them off your hips and leaving them loose around your calves, completely disregarding your pitiful attempts at crawling away.
âPoor thing, been stuck in these the whole time? They fuckinâ reek, bonnie, no offense. That his piss or yours?â
You shake your head against the ground, face twisted up in acute humiliation. For some stupid reason you donât want to even begin exploring, you find it necessary to whisper, âH-his.â
Soap hums, and you curse yourself inwardly when the humiliation is slightly alleviated.
âGet âem off her,â the white mask says, and you canât help but jump at the sound of his voice. Heâs sat on a large box only a few feet away, leaning back and relaxing, looking for all the world like heâs settled in for his favorite show. âDonât want anythinâ of his touching her now.â
The sound Soap makes at that is animalistic, a snarl coming from deep in his chest that makes you flinch as he all but tears the shorts from your body. You wince at the wet splat of them landing several feet away.
You force your forehead into the gravel when your knees are forced wide, a rough hand and another pair of knees spreading you.
âNo, no, no, no, no, no, noâŠâ you canât help but beg, voice trembling. âPlease- god, please donât-â
âFuck,â he moans over your shoulder. âYeah, keep goinâ, lass.â
You sob at the feeling of warm skin against your bared behind, his thick length slotting itself smoothly between the slightly spread lips of your pussy. Your eyes squeeze shut and it takes all your willpower not to keep begging.
He slides himself back and forth against you for a few long breaths, using online the slight slickness from a mixture of piss and blood to get some friction. But to your immense horror, it only takes a few moments for the sensual movement against your clit to have your body preparing itself.
The slight wetness at your hole might be a betrayal, but itâs not nearly enough to ease the way when he pushes inside of you with no warning.
You nearly scream, a high sound of pure panic and pain when it feels like youâre being split in two. Somewhere off in the distance, you hear someone laugh. Right above you, Soap groans.
Heâs buried himself to the hilt inside you before the pain has had any time at all to fade, and heâs fucking into you hardly a second after that.
Every thrust forces a grunt from your throat, the entire weight of him slammed into your back each time his balls smack against your clit. Your face is twisted up in a grimace, your whole body racked with pain that your assaulter couldnât care less about.
âFuck, kitty. Yer squeezinâ me so good, such a good girl, shit-! Knew youâd be ti-tight as a vice, fuck, but didnât know youâd be squeezinâ me so tight I can hardly move.â
Your whine is plaintive, his moan is filled with pleasure.
âYer gettinâ so wet for me, bonnie. Ye like this, huh? Bet you like it just as much as I do, gettinâ thrown around and takinâ advantage of. That it, kitty? Ye like being forced?â
You sob and shake your head against the ground, crying all the more when sharp pebbles dig into your cheeks.
âNaw, I think ye do. Why elseâd you be- fuck, squeezinâ me like that?âÂ
âCause- because-â you try, but you canât get the breath in to get more than a single word out.
âHuh? Cause- cause-?â Soap mocks, his voice pitching up to mimic you as he plants himself deep inside you, grinding his hips against the meat of your ass. âCâmon, kitty, tell me why. Go on.â
âCause I want you to stop!â You cry, balled up fist slamming into the gravel. You canât help but whine ow when the sharp rocks poke into your skin, and Soapâs laugh shakes your entire body.
âGood,â he whispers, breath hot against your ear. âSquirm all ye want, lass. I love it when you fight.â
You can do nothing but go limp beneath him as he begins fucking you again, his pace somehow faster and even more relentless. Itâs a small mercy that thereâs no fight left in you, that you canât give him any more pleasure.Â
It certainly doesnât stop him, though. Despite the fact that youâre doing your best impression of a dead fish, Soap pants and moans against your shoulder like youâre the single best thing heâs ever slept with. His cock is painfully hard inside of you, and his pace never once slows.
Heâs loud when he finally comes, the sound of his orgasm clear enough that you know heâs thrown his head back to the sky. You can only whimper as he rolls his hips against you, working the last spurts of cum out of his cock and into your unwilling body.Â
âFuck,â he sighs in your ear, sounding far more satisfied than he has any right to. âGood girl, kitty. You were perfect.â
You sniffle beneath him when he slowly pulls out, both of you groaning at the sensation. He gives you an almost perfunctory pat on the ass, and stands to walk away. You manage to open your eyes and focus just in time to see him slide to the ground in front of his partner, leaning against the wall.
âYer turn,â he sighs. âWarmed her up good for you, Lt.â
Despite the hatred boiling in your gut, you can do nothing but lay limp on the ground and watch as his partner stands, cracking his neck and moving towards your prone form.Â
You want to run, you want to fight, but you can only watch the executioner come closer and wait for the metaphorical axe to fall.
He crouches by your head first, grasping your chin and pulling up until your torso tries to follow to alleviate the tension. He stares deep into your eyes for a long moment, and you find that itâs impossible to even tell where his pupils are with no real lighting. You feel like youâre truly looking into the empty eye sockets of a skull, no man and no mercy to be found.
âYouâll call me Ghost when I fuck you,â he rumbles, thumb stroking over the scrapes on your cheek. He doesnât wait for a response, simply hauls you up by the shoulder and turns you onto your back.Â
Heâs rough with your limbs as he shoves your legs together and up, his forearm banding across the backs of both of your knees and holding them to your chest. You whimper and wiggles as best you can, but the bruising blow against your thigh is enough to have you gasping and stilling.
âDonât fight,â he warns, and you feel his gloved fingers running up the crack of you. âYouâre hurtinâ enough as it is, and Iâm not gonna help. You wanna make it worse too?â
You shake your head, unsure if he can even see you through your legs. He doesnât respond, and hums when he swipes two fingers through the liquid gathered between your lips.
You whine when those fingers move further down, a fresh panic creeping in when he presses around your back hole.
âYou should be glad Soap fucked you so good,â Ghost drawls. âHe gave you all the lube youâre gonna get.â
You feel like an animal when you whine again, unsure of how to even begin trying to speak. You yelp when a thick finger slides into your hole, completely disregarding any resistance and forcing its way in until itâs buried to the knuckle. Your cries go ignored.
âQuit squirminâ,â Ghost scolds, pulling his finger out to smack your ass before shoving two back in. âYouâre fine.â
Youâre not, youâre terrified and hurting and upset, but none of those things matter when Ghost only coaxes more of your slick and Soapâs spend to your unused whole so thereâs less resistance.Â
The only blessing you have is the fact that you canât see more than the outline of Ghostâs figure with the way heâs got you positioned. You try your best to close your eyes and float into disassociation, and while you canât fully manage it, the fact that you canât see his face - his mask - helps you distance yourself from whatâs happening.
The moment you realize this is of course the moment it stops being true.Â
He seems to decide youâre ready after scissoring three fingers inside of you, hefting himself up so that he looms more fully over you. You can only whine as you feel the movements of him unbuckling his belt, feel the weight of him slap against your slightly spread cheeks.
Fresh tears fall past your lashes as you stare up into the fathomless darkness that are Ghostâs eyes. Thereâs nothing there, just a cold empty skull prepared to ruin you.
You donât even have the energy to beg.
The stretch of him inside your ass is five times worse than Soap was. Thereâs no natural lubrication, and nowhere near enough synthetic lube either. Your hole feels like itâs on fire, the stretch white hot as he gives you no mercy.
Youâre not even fully sure what youâre babbling as he slowly sinks to the root, only aware of the pain and fear and panic sitting heavy in your heart. You fear youâll choke on your tears, head jerking back and forth.
He sighs when he bottoms out, heavy barrel chest forcing your knees past your shoulders. Your hips strain, just another pain from the endless abuse.
âThere,â he grunts, patting your thigh when you go limp from it all. âStay nice and still now, just need a place to dump my cum.â
Upsettingly enough, that hurts. The idea that you could mean nothing to this man is somehow worse than the thought of him having some other twisted feelings for you, your hormone-addled mind deeply insulted.Â
His thrusts are long and slow, each one pulling nearly completely out before slamming back in. The sound of your skin slapping together is embarrassingly sexual, and a distant part of you is aware enough to pray that no one nearby had heard your screams and cries.
Ghost is near silent as he fucks you, the opposite of Soap. You can only hear the occasional grunt when you squeeze him because heâs inches away from your face - you can even feel the occasional gusts of breath when his hips start working a little faster.Â
Thereâs nothing you can do but lay limply beneath him and take it, just a vehicle for his pleasure. You almost manage to float away, to pretend none of this is happening or has ever happened, when his free hand moves from your thigh to the top of your cunt.
You nearly squeal when he rubs your clit, the smooth leath gliding over your slick bud. Your eyes fly wide open, back arching as much as you can with three hundred pounds of man holding you down. The loud laugh from several feet away only makes you writhe more.
âMake her squirt, Lt!â Soap shouts, his voice carefree.
âShut it, Johnny,â Ghost grunts, voice roughened with pleasure. You donât even have time to focus on the fact that heâs just told you Johnnyâs name, far too preoccupied with the tidal wave of pleasure rushing towards you.
You have no idea why it happens. Youâre never quick to come - almost every single partner of yours has complained about you taking so long to get off, itâs been an Issue in several relationships.Â
So it makes absolutely no sense that after hardly a minute of rough circles against your clit, youâre clenching down on the cock in your ass and moaning loudly as your orgasm overtakes you.
The natural clench of your body only makes the pain worse, a sharp spike of it running up your cunt and making your moan shift into more pained sounds. Ghost only moans in tandem above you, his thrusts becoming slightly less even as he lets your orgasm coax out his own.
You sob when you feel his cum paint your insides.
Unlike Johnny, Ghost doesnât pull out after he comes. He lets your legs fall limp on either side of him, just barely managing to catch them for you before you slam your ankles to the ground. He leans his torso over yours, elbows resting on either side of your shoulders while you do nothing but wait beneath him.
Heâs sweat off some of the makeup. This close, you can see hints of pale skin in the sockets of the mask. Thereâs nothing to read in his eyes, but that flash of skin tells you heâs still a man.
You swallow, trying to work moisture back into your dry mouth, and whisper, âWill⊠will you let me go now?â
You know itâs more likely heâll kill you. Itâs what you can only imagine happened to all those bodies in the streets, what you know happens to tens of thousands of women every year.Â
So itâs not a surprise when he doesnât answer you verbally, instead covering your mouth with his palm and pinching your nose shut with his fingers.Â
Your eyes flutter shut after a moment, lungs tightening already, and all you can hope is that suffocation is a quick death.
âââââââââââââââââââââââ
You wake, gasping, in a dark room.Â
Youâre lurching forward before youâre even fully aware that youâre awake, coughing loudly and gasping when it feels like your throat is bleeding.
âOh, poor thing,â you hear a familiar accented voice coo, and a moment later thereâs a warm hand patting your back. âYer alright, deep breaths.â
You jerk back from Soap - Johnny - as soon as your coughing is under control, scrambling back on your palms and staring at him with wide eyes. He only grins at you, looking for all the world like any other normal man in his sweater and sweatpants.
He got changed at some point - these pants are clean. Heâs not wearing his mask either, and youâre struck dumb by how non threatening he manages to look.
He also changed your clothes - or Ghost did, maybe. You try to cover your chest with one hand, but thereâs no hiding the fact that youâre completely naked.Â
Johnny only laughs at your attempted modesty. âBeen starinâ at them for hours, lass. Yeâve got nothinâ to hide.â
Thatâs⊠horrifying, and does absolutely nothing to calm you down.
Itâs then that Ghost rises from a chair, stepping forward and making you aware of his presence. âCalm down, Johnny. We donât want her panickinâ this early.â
Soap fully pouts, tilting his head at you before glancing up at his partner. âI havenât even done anythinâ, Ghost. Was just sayinâ hi, thaâs all.â
Ghost snorts, gripping Johnnyâs mohawk and tugging back until the other man sprawls back on his ass. âYou know how you are, pup. Give your kitty some space.â
Johnny listens, crossing one leg beneath him and bending the other close to his chest, looking casual as can be. Meanwhile your heartbeat only gets faster, and you wince when you happen to lean too far one direction and feel a throbbing reminder of what these men did to you.
Ghost steps forward again, crouching just out of arm's reach. You realize heâs not wearing the same skull mask as before, but a balaclava with a printed skull pattern instead. His eye sockets are unpainted, and youâre shocked by how such little things make him look so much more human.Â
âYou can calm down. Long as you behave, nothinâ much worseâll happen to you.â
You find yourself almost comically not-comforted by that, and can do nothing more than stare at him with wide eyes.Â
âWhereâŠâ Your voice cracks, so you swallow and start again. âWhere am I?â
Itâs Johnny who speaks up. âOur place. We finally brought ye home with us, kitty.â
The world feels like itâs slowed around you, and your eyes drag from one kidnapper to the other. You have to swallow again to work any moisture into your bone-dry mouth.
âIs the Purge over?â
The creases at the corner of Ghostâs eyes are painfully obvious with how pale his skin is, and you shudder at the thought of him smiling.
âBeen over for⊠what, five hours now? Somethinâ like that.â
You canât fight the tremble in your voice now. âThen⊠then you have to let me go.â
Ghostâs head tilts, the creases get deeper. âDo I?â
You nod with as much conviction as you can - which is almost none. âYou canât keep me here. Youâre breaking the law.â
Ghost leans closer on the balls of feet and you lean further back, your spine pressing into the wall behind you. âAre we now? And who do you think will stop us, pet?â
âThe- the police. Someone will report me missing, theyâll come looking.â
âOh? And you think theyâll come here?â
You nod as best you can, and jump when Ghost laughs. Itâs low and quiet, only a few beats, but itâs like gasoline thrown on the small fire of panic in your mind.
âYou have no idea where you even are, and you think theyâll find you? I hate to break it to you doll, but youâll be lucky if they look for you for a week. You have any idea how many people go missinâ after the Purge?â
Your breath is quickening. âSo thatâs it? Youâre just going to⊠going to keep me here, forever? What are you even going to do?â
His laugh is sharper, meaner this time. âWeâre gonna do a whole lot more of what we did last night, pet. Keep you as a little cocksleeve, a pretty thing tucked in the basement just for our entertainment. Ainât that right, Johnny?â
You manage to tear your eyes away to look at Soap and see that heâs nearly salivating, having inched closer and closer and shifted so heâs knelt behind Ghost. Thereâs a feral spark in his eyes that has every hair on your body standing straight up.
âYeah, thaâs right. Donât worry, lass, weâll make sure yer never lonely. Might even stay the night with you, cuddle up in the winter. Bet ye could keep our cocks nice and toasty in the cold, huh? Gonna let us use ye as a little heater?â
âA heater, a mattress, a fleshlight⊠your futureâs lookinâ bright, sweetheart,â Ghost drawls, mockery dripping heavily from the cruel words.
Your eyes dart back and forth between the two men and their predatory stares, your heart racing against your ribcage.
Itâs not a conscious choice for you to launch yourself towards them, reaching out and clawing your sharp nails down Soapâs face with a feral scream that tears your throat to shreds.Â
Even as Ghost throws you off and forces you to the ground, you vow to fight these men to the end. Youâll kill them both if you have to, leave them dead and wander however many miles it is back to your apartment.
Ghost only laughs when you shout this in his face, and you scream as you lunge forward, just managing to catch his masked chin between your teeth and bite.
With your fight instinct back in full force, youâre ready to make their lives hell.
#lumi im SORRY hand on the bible i could not tell you why this took me so long#it's pwp. it's pure smut. there is no justifiable reason for this taking a week#i literally have FOUR fucking docs of purge au's rn lmao like when i tell you i tried to write this SO MANY TIMES it was just not happening#ghoap x reader#bo writes#purge au#how do i tag this to get people to see it but not to get people complaining about dark fic to me#...i don't#oh well. special treat for you guys lol
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I like bloodweave. Okay. But I DON'T like the version of them in fanfic where Astarion is a dick and Gale is like. Whining and pleading for him to be emotionally vulnerable (or just. Nice to him) prior to the relationship being established. Because that is just not accurate. Gale needs the player to express interest in him during his weave-teaching scene before he even considers hitting on them properly. Gale is entirely resigned to his fate and needs someone else to pull him away from it. Gale only starts being sweet and romantic and devoted after you accept his love confession and give him hope for the future. Gale says fuck all and then slinks away to cry privately if you break up with him.
Like he isn't chasing after people lmao. He isn't dropping to his knees and crying about anything much less this dickhead he met a week ago. He is overwhelmingly passive about literally everything personal to him up to and including his own death (provided there are no casualties/there is a good reason) until after the player expresses that they care about him. Astarion is not doing that in any of these fics.
Like Gale is friendly and a dork and doesn't wanna get murdered but he fully has a suicide plan. He thought the artefacts would help him survive but he didn't believe he'd ever truly live again. If Gale confessed and Astarion said/did like one (1) mean thing afterward Gale's romance is closed off forever. He's wandering into the forest to cry. He's killing himself immediately. His fragile ego and self worth can't take it. You have to understand that when we joke about him being pathetic it's not bc he's like. Sopping wet and chasing people down and begging for a scrap of attention. It's because he craves affection but would literally rather die than ask or even hope for it until someone else forces that hope back into his serotonin-deficient tadpole brain.
#i feel like u can tell when a bloodweave fic is written by an astarion stan vs a gale stan lol#because the astarion stans are just using gale as a vessel for like. their sopping wet meow meow#who screams and cries until astarion becomes emotionally vulnerable with them#which gale would not do. realistic bloodweave is astarion tries to fuck him in act 1 and he refuses because of the orb#and then astarion is like âboo what the fuck. change of plansâ and gale is like âokayâ and they never speak of it again lol#anyway#please god the gale characterisation in this place. half of you make him the soppiest most pathetic loser and the other half make him evil#he's not ACTUALLY a loser. when i joke about it the reason its funny is because its not true#hes just a regular guy with depression lol. hes not out here debasing himself begging for some old twink to care abt him#bg3#gale dekarios#bloodweave#gale of waterdeep#does this make sense. i havent slept#i just mean that if you want gale to be sappy he needs to have like. prior assurance that his feelings are reciprocated#because if he doesnt have that and astarion is a dick to him he WILL just give up on the relationship#like hes not hunting people down after they deliberately upset him. i see so many fics where they create tension by lime#*like#having astarion openly fuck someone else after establishing a sort-of relationship with gale. for the drama#like hey. gale fully dumps you if you do that in game!! you have no way to convince him not to. he will dump astarion for that permanently
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The more the show progresses, the more I want to see the 90s cast infiltrating the modern timeline. We've gotten hints of it with Shauna and her younger self, her Jackie hauntings. We've gotten a little more with adult Lottie seeing teenage Nat (and Laura Lee), and with Natalie getting teenage Lottie in her final moments. I want more. I want the teen cast to be absolutely invasive on pivotal adult moments, infecting their adult counterparts when least expected. I want Taissa's argument with Van to dissolve into their teenage selves, their bond endless and timeless and inescapable. I want Misty absolutely wrecked by young Natalie lurking around corners, watching from mirrors. I want to see these women unable to navigate adulthood without the specters of their teenage selves cropping up absolutely everywhere, more and more as they let the memories in, as they stop being able to repress the trauma. They didn't grow up. They never could. You are always doomed to regress around your high school teammates. You are haunted by the phantom elements of your misspent youth. It is a comfort, and it is a gift, and it is a trial, and it is a curse. I would love to see that reflected with greater intensity, until the lines blur, until the timelines have no choice but to intersect. They haven't escaped themselves at all. They didn't grow up. They just got older.
#yellowjackets#yj meta#yj theories#i love the moments of younger cast popping up in the modern timeline so fucking much#i am truly obsessed with the idea that they look at one another and they see the girls from the woods#they don't see the adult versions at all. they don't see adults in the mirror either#the older i get the more i feel like i'm 10 or 15 or 20 in a body that keeps outwardly aging#and if that's going to hit anybody it's going to be these people who have never been able to leave the hell of their adolescence behind#give me hewson and savoy brown popping up in the middle of a taivan fight (or makeout. i ain't picky).#give me thatcher continuing to appear to lottie and to misty in moments of duress#give me nelisse staring shauna down as she tries to backpedal into suburbia#haunt! these! women! haunt them GOOD#(also outside of narrative purposes it would be so fun to see the dual roles intersect. actors playing the same character getting#to play together. scenes where they blend. it would be satisfying in so many ways. i yearn.)
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