#plus random shopping trips I have zero need for

[umilily]

me: I really need a break so I will only make very few plans for the holidays

my family: oh, you’re not busy? 👀

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at home:

So, my youngest sibling got their first tattoo today, a week after their 18th birthday and a month after getting their GED.

First and foremost, I’m so freaking proud of this kid, they deal with a lot of anxiety/panic attacks, but they still managed to get through it into adulthood.

So, basically the story with the tattoo is that 4 years ago, when I married my now husband, I asked both of my younger sisters (now sister and sibling) to be bridesmaids, and offered a “matching” tattoo as their present from me for saying yes. M was 14 at the time and I knew for a fact that Mom was not about to sign a waiver, but I had the money specifically set aside to get me and Middle Sister done before the wedding. The idea was that we would both be there for M when they were old enough. It didn’t exactly work out that way, (middle couldn’t be there and honestly this last year has been a financial nightmare for me plus I wasn’t expecting youngest to go on a two week trip out of state) BUT! We got it done today!

The artist was fantastic, super chill dude who was calm and informative and was wearing a “tattoos are stupid” T-shirt, hilarious in a dry humor way. He took us in and did great work with only a day’s notice.

The shop had a stuffed unicorn plushy that they called The Tough Guy Cuddle Buddy and my sibling said, immediately upon being offered it, “YES, I want that!” And made grabby hands.

So, youngest is pretty touch adverse? Like they allow me specifically to sit in closer proximity to them than others, but it’s kind of a mutual thing where they understand that my physical boundaries with family are practically non existent and I acknowledge that their bubble is about double a normal person’s, so we compromise with sitting on the couch several feet apart BUT I’m allowed to be touching them in some way. Usually I just tuck my toes under their thigh while we both scroll. There has to be a layer of fabric between us, because I have “scratchy feet” but otherwise that’s the norm.

Today was definitely different though.

My youngest sibling hasn’t let me full on comfort cuddle them since this kid was like, 8 years old. (To be fair, I moved out of state around that time, and by the time we were back in the same city I chose to do “sister dates” where I’d pick them up from from school on half days and we’d just go to our favorite restaurant that was right up the street from our favorite ice cream shop, so all public spaces and zero cuddles)

I FINALLY GOT TO COMFORT CUDDLE! The kid I used to wake up for in the middle of the night when they were having a nightmare and wanting to be cuddled, the kid I told to scream at anything or anyone that made them think of monsters (kiddo oddly spent like a solid month going up to random bushes, sticking their face as deep in as they could go, and full on Viking Battle Screaming into The Void) LET ME HOLD THEM IN A FULL ON CUDDLE FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THEIR FIRST TATTOO.

This is one of those moments where I’m genuinely in awe of the fact that we still have such a strong relationship (nothing bad has happened, but time either heals all wounds or leaves a lot of nerve damage) But I seriously thought, over the last 18 months or so, my sibling is growing up and won’t need me as much, if at all, anymore. I have never been more happy to be proven wrong.

Kiddo straight up said that this is probably the only tattoo they will ever get, but also, I really fucking hope not because they are an absolute cuddle bug when they’re in pain and need affection, and as selfish as it is to say, I hope they get a million more and that I’m just as worthy of being invited to the latest as I was to the first.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Okay so I have this idea of the boys in the modern world! Like what kind of profession/ college course would Azul, Malleus, Leona, Lilia, and Idia would take? Some modern au headcanons with them please!

Curiouser and Curiouser...

Idia Shroud...

...would be an e-girl Twitch streamer that sells his bath water a famous video game let’s player or streamer, maybe even a professional gamer.

But the type that doesn’t show his face, or uses some kind of prop to censor his face whenever he happens to be on camera.

His online personality and his real life personality are so different...! Idia turns down invitations to conventions and fan meets because he worries about how his followers and fellow content creators. will perceive those very different sides to him.

He still makes bank off of his merch though.

I can see him taking college courses for tech-related things so he always has an excuse to hole up in his room and avoid normies. Computer science, video game design, etc.

He does well in school, but if he ever needs to give a speech/presentation or do a group assignment, well...Idia’s gonna bomb it. Thanks a lot, crippling social anxiety.

Disturbs his room mates and his neighbors constantly because of his video game raging late into the night.

The type to show up to lectures in his pajamas if he shows up at all.

Looks like he has gotten zero sleep all the time even if he slept for a full day and then some.

Wears headphones everywhere in public and blasts music at maximum volume so everyone around him can hear it and knows that he doesn’t want to be disturbed.

Llilia Vanrouge...

...is a child daycare worker or a teacher. On weekends, he moonlights as the lead guitarist and vocalist for a death metal band (though he never brings this up in parent-teacher conferences)

He studied history in college, but he discovered his love for childcare when he was tutoring high school students in history as part of a volunteering program...so Lilia changed career paths!

Don’t get him wrong, he still loves history and he’ll tell the little tots under his care all about the most interesting tidbits of it.

But everyone loves him, from his coworkers to the parents to the children under his care. Lilia is just loads of fun--but he knows when he needs to dial back and be serious, too.

Back in school, he was always getting into trouble for small pranks. Spooking the other students, drawing on school property with chalk, etc.--nothing that would get him expelled.

Kind of an easy-going student. If he did well, that’s great. If he did’t do well, that’s also fine! He goes with the flow and doesn’t sweat the details.

Lilia worked really hard for his degree though, especially since he changed it abruptly into something so different.

He volunteered a lot during his studies, wishing to give back to the community and to be with the children even before he had his degree.

Leona Kingscholar...

...is an unemployed rich kid living off of daddy’s money. He’s the second son to some big business or even actual real life royalty.

Have you see how lazy this man is? Of course he doesn’t have a job.

Leona only attends college because his parents threatened to completely cut him off if he didn’t. (”Your older brother Farena went to college, found himself a nice girl, and got himself a stable job that pays well; why don’t you too?”)

Probably got in on an athletic scholarship. What a chad.

He studies liberal arts, English literature, or women’s studies (because he thinks those subjects are easiest to pass with minimum effort and because he respects women).

Very sleepy boi. Falls asleep during the first few seconds of every single lecture (if he’s even there on time), and it is impossible to wake him up.

Shows up late to class. Like...five minutes before the end of class late.

He falls asleep in the most random public places all over campus.

The master at pulling all-nighters.

Most likely sleeps around (both literally and metaphorically).

Popular with the ladies, even if he doesn’t go out of his way to pursue many. Leona won’t force himself onto them, but he won’t say no if they proposition him and he’s feeling bored enough. Might as well have some fun while he’s forced to be here, right?

Has zero idea where he is going in life. Don’t we all?

Malleus Draconia...

...studies architecture, or art history.

He’s so fascinated by the design of buildings and how styles have changed so much over time.

Tends to daydream. This, paired with his resting bitch face and inimidating aura, makes everyone fear him.

Malleus likes to walk around town and the college campus just to enjoy the buildings. Because of this, his peers think of him as “the local scary-looking weirdo”.

Comments like that hurt him, but Malleus tends to bottle up his emotions and be sad about it in the comfort of his personal quarters.

Malleus tries showing up to publicized college events and every club meeting he can think of, but people tend to keep their distance from him.

Probably phones up his family every other night just to check on them and hear their voices. He’s very lonely...

Has a hard time finding a job because many people are intimidated by how he looks. Ends up overwhelming many interviewers.

Probably works part-time at a discreet WcDonald’s location. Nothing glamorous or high-paying, but Malleus doesn’t expect anything like that while he’s still a student. Plus, he is still thankful for the job experience.

Lands a job at a big building firm after college; quickly rises through the ranks and becomes the CEO. All of his haters must be jealous now, huh?

Still, Malleus feels no ill will towards them. He hopes he can be friends with them at the college reunions.

Azul Ashengrotto...

...works as a drug dealer barista and manager of a coffee shop or cafe. If you want to get darker, he runs a casino (where everything is rigged in his favor) and/or is a mafia lord (just look at Octavinelle’s aesthetic) by night.

He dual-majors in business and law because his brain is just that large.

Straight A student, in the honors program, and a teacher’s pet. Most likely a full ride scholarship as well.

Also the president of student government or the head of a club--Azul has stacked his resume with achievements and titles. Employers will be tripping over themselves to hire him.

Azul applies what he’s studying in college into his business (albeit in less-than-savory ways) to maximize his profits and to scare of unruly customers.

He has a lot of friends in college, but he’s not particularly close to any of them.

Binge eats when he’s stressed.

Do not bring up school prior to college life to him; Azul will get war flashbacks to the time when he was bullied. He refuses to talk about his past, and if you keep persisting, he will get back at you.

Despises group projects; he ends up doing all of the hard work. He’s super passive aggressive about it.

Snitches on anyone that crosses him, even slightly. Azul is very petty. Oh, you forgot to return that pencil that he so generously lent you for the exam? Well, prepare to have your embarrassing photos from that one crazy party leaked to the college newspaper.

[writingithink]

Improbable Multiversal Transcending Temporal Spacetime Event Pairing: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler Rated: T Word Count: 7,101 Summary: The best way to show someone you care is to blow up their job ... right? Notes: I'm back! And it's not a Tangled Timelines update (sorry!) But it is something? I've had this in my WIPs for awHILE now, and when I was cleaning my studio the other night I found a planning page for it in a random tote bag and was like ... oh yeah. And the ending just came to me and I love it when that happens. Hopefully there will be another chapter up for Tangled Timelines soon, though!

As always, infinite thanks to my wonderful beta, @hey-there-juliet​ who is fine with me randomly sending her fics at all hours and with no warning XP

All mistakes are mine, as always.

<<READ IT ON AO3>>

If the other him in the other universe had taken the time to imagine their human life together in a parallel universe, the Doctor doubted he would have pictured this. His imagination, when it came to Rose Tyler, was always quite whimsical. Happiness had made him impractical, really. Because despite all of the drawbacks, all of the reasons he currently loathed himself, the Doctor knew every single reason why the other truly felt like this was the best possible option.

But maybe it wasn’t.

Sometimes, despite it not occurring too often, he was wrong.

They had spent five and a half hours on the beach at Bad Wolf Bay.

(I create myself.)

She had been so upset; said that after everything they’d went through, everything she did to get back, the other him owed her a proper goodbye. She had stopped speaking to him when he told her that, actually, he would never give her a proper goodbye.

And she didn’t let him explain why. Now that he finally could.

Now it had been 57 days since she’d last spoken to him. Since he’d gotten more than a brief glimpse of her with his own eyes. That he’d spent piecing together a picture of what her life had been like here, without him. Such a short time, really, now that it was over (almost over), but yet also some of the worst moments of his entire existence.

It seemed fair that the multiverse would demand just that extra sequence of pain, considering everything he could potentially get in return. What another version of himself could only hope for, bitterly gambling eternities, following their timeline through all of it’s complicated swirls and turns, names weaving around each other, stamping themselves on the structure of creation.

Forever isn’t something that ends.

(How long are you going to stay with me?)

Quite the opposite, actually. And he knew, eventually, she would remember that. Knew it, but didn’t feel it.

The Doctor finally understood what all of the human writers meant about falling in love. Not just the terrifying sensation of the unstoppable freefall, but also the immense pain of crashing into the immovable object at the end of the journey.

They had sat on opposite ends of a Zeppelin. He had gone back to the Tyler Manor with Jackie, and Rose had gone back to her flat. Hoping to see her, talk to her, he had immediately joined Torchwood (once they agreed to his very detailed, highly specific, entirely ironclad contract). Their paths rarely crossed, and when they did it was just tiny, insubstantial moments.

A flash of her at the far end of a hall. Her name in a report (a lot of reports). Snatches of her voice, there one moment and gone the next.

It all made everything hurt so much more, somehow, having her so close but yet further than he could have possibly imagined.

But yet …

His imagination, when it came to Rose Tyler, was still quite whimsical. So when he tried to think of the bigger picture, waxing poetic, alone on his office couch, the Doctor tried to look at the last few years as the impact, and this as the aftershock. Still, philosophical jaunts weren’t exactly a solution to his problem. A temporary solution was moving his office even further away, so that’s what he did. 

Plus, he found it kind of fitting, commandeering the inside of Big Ben. UNIT may have it in the prime universe, but in this universe he had the fancy landmark office. Well, office-slash-home (without Rose Tyler, a proper house with doors and things was absolutely unthinkable). Not that it was just about having a private laugh. The gears soothed him, the sound of ticking helped the gnawing emptiness that had filled his mind ever since the TARDIS dematerialized without him in it. The Doctor had thought it was kind of fitting - the closest he could possibly be right now to time.

Not that he wasn’t spending every possible spare moment working on the baby TARDIS, just a tiny piece of coral still, currently sitting in the extended electro-percussive environment chamber. He wondered if, in three years (his best-possible projected timetable), when the new TARDIS would be ready for flight, she would still not be speaking to him.

Incidentally, the emergence of that thought and the start of his supposed ‘self-isolation’ coincided to an alarming degree for how coincidental the two really were. The fact of the matter was, he was busy. Tons of experiments to run, alien equipment to identify, classify (and more often than not remove from Torchwood entirely), a baby TARDIS to tend to, and a backlog of Rose’s mission reports to hack into made spending slightly over three weeks in his tower easy.

The problem was the fact that during that time the Doctor avoided sleeping, barely remembered to eat, and existed on overly sugared tea alone. Not sleeping didn’t put the demons at bay, but at least when he was awake he wasn’t forced to confront the man he never wanted to remember being.

It had been 57 days since Rose Tyler had last spoken to him, and the Doctor detonated a bomb in the abandoned annex Torchwood had scheduled to be demolished and rebuilt.

Then the counter reset to zero.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” she yelled, barging into the top floor lab where he had been checking the readings on the EEPEC.

Everything that he wanted to say to her, and the Doctor was struck mute.

“Whatever plans you think you have, however good of an idea it is, for the good of the planet or, or the galaxy or what, you don’t just go blowing up buildings without a word to anyone! Do you know that everyone else was too scared to come up here and have a word with you, because that highly confidential ridiculous contract you drew up made its way through the gossips and isn’t so classified anymore. Now no one wants to go toe to toe with the man who ‘speaks for the planet’,” Rose growled through the air quotes. “So tell me, Doctor, what genius reason you’ve got for blowing up the Records Annex?”

A slow smile spread across his face.

“It worked.”

“What?”

“Remember ‘run’?” he asked, bouncing away from the baby TARDIS and circling her, picking up his new sonic screwdriver as he did and deadlock sealing the only door off the floor.

“Run?” she frowned as he circled back.

“Run,” he whispered in her ear as he passed, running up a small set of stairs to flip a giant switch that activated the clock-lights outside of their automated timer. Likely no one noticed outside with the sun still out, but it lit up the lab. “Henrik’s basement, Nestene Consciousness, shop window dummies, you and me. How did that night end?” he asked, with a manic grin as he skidded to a stop in front of her.

“Oh, that ‘run’,” Rose breathed, trying to fight back a smile. “You blew up my job.”

“I blew up your job.”

She huffed, blowing her bangs out of her eyes, and crossed her arms. His shoulders fell, exhaustion pressing down onto each and every bone of his new, much more fragile body.

“I just want to talk,” he told her, only a moment away from begging.

“Alright then. Talk.”

Everything he wanted to say to her, and all of it felt disjointed in his overtired mind. Yet she was here now, and if she left he didn’t have a new idea for getting her back again. So he talked.

“I’m sorry. That I made this choice for you, even if it was technically a different me who did it. I’m sorry that this is the best option, the safest option. I’m sorry I never got the chance to explain everything to you before. But I am never going to say goodbye to you, Rose. Never. And I know that the power of words doesn’t translate as well for you, the science of psycho-kinetic-telepathic influence on the elements of creation. But there are some things I can never risk saying aloud. There are some beings that exist, at least in our original universe, that could easily- … still, no matter what universe we’re in, I’m never going to say it. Forever, Rose Tyler. It’s longer than you can comprehend. An eternal silence stretching infinitely ahead, timelines swirling in every direction. This one is ours, if you’ll- if you could just- if you could see in twenty-odd dimensions and focused on individual temporal waveforms, the quantum reality of specific-”

“Doctor!” she shouted when his legs gave out, immediately grabbing hold of him, joining him on the floor.

“I’m fine,” he insisted, but when he moved to get back up she easily held him down. Rose gently manipulated his face, giving him a basic medical check. He couldn’t help but smile a little at how much she had learned while they were away, only to then frown at how hard he imagined it all must have been for her. Floundering, he tried to make a joke. “So, I’m still the Doctor?”

Which went ignored.

“You look like a wreck,” she told him, and it wasn’t new information. The Doctor now made much more frequent trips to the restroom and was well aware of how pale he was, of the dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. He had at least been making a disjointed effort to shave, which was another activity that had increased with his meta crisis, and admittedly it had slipped his mind for a couple days.

“It’s not easy, doing this without you,” he admitted. “But if you need more time, I want you to take it. I really am alright. There’s just so much I need to tell you, now that I can.”

“What do you mean, ‘now that you can’?”

“Different universe, firm walls in between. I don’t have to worry about using the wrong words at the wrong time and having cosmic consequences … for a lot of things, not all things. With our timeline in a different dimension and reality back as it should be, at least for the moment, I can tell you all sorts of things. Though the most important one, the one I’m never going to miss an opportunity to say, is that I love you, Rose Tyler. Forever.”

“I love you, too,” she sighed, caressing his cheek for a moment before helping him up. “But I’m still mad at you. Now you need sleep.”

“But I’m not done talking,” the Doctor complained, dragging his feet as she led him over to the sofa in the corner.

“We’ll talk more after you’ve gotten some rest, okay? I promise.”

“Thank you,” he sighed, more horizontal than he remembered being just a moment ago. Something soft and warm ensconced his body. He hadn’t realized how cold he had been until just then.

Another breath and black oblivion overtook him. Peaceful until it suddenly very much wasn’t. 

A shockwave. A rift in time and space. A breached void. A crack in reality. A big red button. No more. Howling, howling, howling.

“Wake up!”

His eyes snapped open.

He didn’t know where he was. Nothing felt right; not the air, not time, not even his own body. The Doctor tried to do a quick systems check, and the results were all wrong. His hand flew to his chest, where only one heart was beating.

A choking scream echoed through the space, which seemed to be tick tick ticking, and he didn’t realize that it was him who shouted until soothing hands were brushing through his hair. Vision focusing, he saw Rose Tyler kneeling next to him, or at least it was something that looked like Rose Tyler. She felt too cool. Or maybe he was too warm.

“Are you real?” he asked, hoping that she wouldn’t lie to him.

Just one heart working, and it was beating too fast, refusing to slow down. The air was too thick, he couldn’t breathe.

“Yeah.” A sad smile. “I’m real.”

The Doctor didn’t know if he believed her, closing his eyes so that he wouldn’t have to see the moment she inevitably vanished. “I’m dying,” he told the being-who-might-be-Rose as he shuddered and collapsed back onto some sort of sofa.

“You’re fine,” she lied, but it was a lie she seemed to believe.

“Only got one heart beating,” he admitted, trying to get his breathing under control as his malfunctioning body began to sweat. The room ticked away, and he wondered if all of this was about to explode, if he should be running, if he even could run. His legs felt like lead. So did his arms. The air was too thick, dragging him down.

“That’s-”

The Doctor shut his eyes tighter, tears escaping that he hadn’t even realized were there. She must have vanished, just like he knew she would. And if she was never real to begin with, why did it have to hurt so much for her to go?

A weight rested on top of him, and he would never forget the feel of her. He vaguely wondered what it meant for him, to be having tactile hallucinations. Olfactory hallucinations. Even the buzz of time that had never left her skin after she took in the vortex was present.

“You’ve still got two beating,” Rose whispered as his arms wrapped around her in a tight hold that didn’t feel nearly strong enough to keep her. He wasn’t strong enough to keep her.

Her heart beat steadily over where his right heart had failed.

“I’m scared,” the Doctor admitted, eyes still closed though it was oddly easier to breathe.

“I’ve got you.”

“Please be real,” he whimpered, even as his mind grew foggier.

She said something, but he didn’t know what. Everything was fading away, darkness becoming darker, becoming void.

Nothing.

The Doctor awoke alone on the couch in his office. According to his time sense, he had slept for eighteen hours and twenty-one minutes. He felt better than he had in weeks, but also so much worse. He grabbed his pillow and screamed into it.

“What’s wrong now?”

The pillow dropped from his hands and his eyes locked with Rose’s as she raced up the slight stair onto the platform that separated his primary workspace from the rest of the top floor.

“What?” His voice cracked.

Rose Tyler sat next to him on the couch, hand immediately resting on his forehead, primitively gauging his temperature. The Doctor cleared his throat before trying again.

“Rose, what are you doing here? Not that I’m not glad, I’m so very, very glad you’ve come.” Her hand dropped away and he was able to get a good look at her, dressed in a pair of his boxers and one of his shirts (Jackie had bought him a ridiculous amount of clothes before he left the manor, all of which he sent out to be cleaned). He swallowed audibly. “W-why are you wearing my clothes?”

“‘M locked in here. Door’s deadlock sealed.”

Flashes of memories began to speed through him. Attaching a re-calibrated Tziklian implosion grenade to a newly-repaired retroreflective Clishtahrr drone. Obsessively trying to circumvent his vision in order to peer at his own timeline, making himself sick. A contained rift event in the lower levels of the tower that made him feel like he had looked into the untempered schism again.

(Run, run, run!)

“I’m sorry. I don’t … I’ll just …”

He pushed himself up onto unsteady legs, found his sonic screwdriver and unsealed the door. And he wished he hadn’t trapped her with him, even if he was starting to remember why (inky black terror crawling up his spine, wrong universe, wrong universe, wrong universe).

“Do you remember what happened yesterday?” she asked, following him as he went to check the TARDIS on autopilot, looking as if she was worried he would collapse (again).

“It’s coming back to me,” the Doctor admitted. Still had a good four hours to go before the shatterfry process would be complete. He straightened his shoulders, trying to stand tall as he turned to face her. “Things got a little, uhm, unpleasant. I’ll do better.”

“Unpleasant,” Rose scoffed. “I’m pretty sure you had a bleedin’ breakdown!”

“It’s been a difficult regeneration,” he deflected, turning away, leaving the platform and making a beeline to the tiny kitchenette tucked off to the side. Tea. He just needed more tea.

“So, this how it’s gonna be, then? All that stuff about wanting to talk, but now you’re just done?”

He nearly spilled the kettle with the speed of his turn, brows furrowed and mouth falling open. “What? Of course I want to talk!” the Doctor exclaimed. “Just, er, what did I say? Before?”

Memory was still a bit of a blur. Successful energy funnel for the TARDIS’ growth tank. Vodka tasting different in a universe without potatoes. Reports saying: Correct universe. Wrong time - past. No contact.

“You don’t remember?”

“I said it was coming back to me, it’s just not coming in the right order.” he sighed, refocusing on the tea.

“Well, what’s the last thing that you vividly remember?” Rose asked, moving around him, easily finding mugs and sugar and milk.

“Thirteen days ago, creating a temporal disruption chrono-field manipulator. Needed to siphon rift energy for our TARDIS. She needs a very specific growth environment.”

“Thirteen days?! Wait, siphoning the-” She leaned against the tiny countertop and covered her face with her hands. The only sound for a few moments was of the electric kettle quickly boiling the water. “Our TARDIS?”

“If you want,” the Doctor muttered, lifting a hand, wanting to touch her, but then thinking better of it. He clenched his fist as it dropped to his side.

Rose groaned as she turned back to him. “Of course I want that, you daft alien git! But you don’t exactly make things easy, do ya? I spent years getting back to you, and then suddenly there’s two of you and one of you abandons me just like I was always afraid of, but one of you stays and I’m expected to be able to process any of it? And then for weeks it’s an effort just to give myself space, knowing that wherever I go you’re so close, part of me wondering why I’m even trying to stay away when all I wanted for ages was to be back with you. Then suddenly you’re gone! I still know where you are, but there isn’t a chance that I’d actually run into you. And I still don’t know what to feel, but coming here yesterday, seeing you … I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so broken.” There were tears in her eyes. His nails dug into his palms with the effort it took not to wrap his arms around her, to wipe them away. “I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault.”

“It’s not. It’s my own fault. You haven’t done a single thing wrong,” he assured her.

“That’s not true and you know it,” she tried to laugh, but it came out watery. “I’ve been an absolute cow. And I still haven’t answered your question. You’d said some things about words being a type of science, and that you could say things here that you couldn’t in the other universe. Like you were paranoid, under surveillance or something? I think you tried to describe how your time sense stuff works, but you almost fainted.”

“Fifty-seven days without you and that’s what I was talking about?” The Doctor grimaced.

The kettle clicked off.

“If it makes you feel better, it was kinda romantic. The stuff about not saying goodbye and forever and blowing up my job.”

“Blowing up your what?!”

“That’s why I had to come here. You blew up the old Records Annex.”

“Riiiiight. That explains the drone bomb. It’s not like they weren’t going to blow it up anyway. Didn’t I help?”

Rose rolled her eyes before moving to fix both their teas. “We’ll get into that later. Right now I don’t even want to talk about us. I wanna know about you, what you’ve been doing these past two months. Because I didn’t even stop to think what this all must be like for you.”

Cuppa in hand, the Doctor led her back to the couch as he tried to think of how best to explain something that he barely understood himself.

“I was created in a two-way human-Time Lord instant biological meta crisis. Hundreds of years as one being, then suddenly two. Exact same mind, almost the exact same body, but different enough that I can barely comprehend existing in it. If you remember, the first forty-eight hours of the regeneration cycle are complicated and dangerous. Barely a few hours into mine I was dropped outside of the prime universe that all Gallifreyans are meant to exist in, cut off from all telepathic contact as the walls of reality continued to sway, slowly falling back into place. It’s been … an adjustment. Sometimes things don’t feel real, even when they are. Sometimes things feel incredibly real, even when they aren’t.”

“You had a nightmare,” Rose told him, placing a hand on his shoulder, thumb rubbing soothing circles through his layers. “I woke you up, tried to help. You didn’t think I was real. You thought you were dying, because you only had one heart.”

He tried to smile, and the action felt painful. “Sounds about right.”

“I’m sorry. If I hadn’t been so selfish-”

“There’s nothing for you to apologize for. I want you to put yourself first.”

“But I can’t stand seeing you in pain like this. What can I do to help?” she asked, a desperation in her eyes that he couldn’t bear.

“You’re already helping,” the Doctor sighed, finally giving in and leaning into her touch, lying his head on her shoulder. It was the closest he’d felt to time since they’d been left on that bloody beach.

Memories were still racing through his head. Energy coils radiating artron energy into a centrifuge. The smell of burnt flesh against the remains of a Bverni navigational system. Reports saying: Correct universe. Wrong time - future. No contact.

“The other Doctor said that you needed me.”

He laughed, but there was no humor in it.

“Yes, because he needs you. He also said that I was dangerous. I am. He is. We are. But you already knew that. It’s easy, you know, to yell at yourself. Not often that there’s actually a separate you there to yell at. I destroyed the Daleks, but we’d already done that before we met. In fact, so did you. The other me was lashing out, knowing what he would have to do but not wanting to do it.”

“That’s another thing,” Rose said, moving to face him, dislodging his head, “you said that us being here, in this universe, was the best, safest option. What was that about?”

“Something’s coming. Has come. Ended and began. There’s a massive paradox surrounding me in the other universe. Incredibly dangerous, potentially catastrophic. All I know is that it has something to do with a woman named River Song who claims to be my wife.”

“Your wife?!”

“I said claims. And she did seem to be telling the truth, besides the fact that what she was saying was entirely preposterous. My soul is entirely bound to yours.” The Doctor took her hand and squeezed it. “So I think I have an idea of the kind of man I’ll have to become in order to keep the universe intact.”

“What’s that?”

“A liar. If she is going to believe that I could possibly join myself to someone else, someone who isn’t you, I’m going to have to lie. I’m going to have to forget. I’m going to have to lie so well and for so long that even I believe the fiction I’ve created for myself.”

He wondered what the other him in the other universe would think, then, whenever he caught a rare glimpse at their timeline surrounded in gold, bound with Rose’s for all eternity. What kind of explanation he would craft. The Doctor shuddered.

“But that sounds horrible!” she cried.

“It’s the sacrifice he’s making for the sake of the universe. My timeline is dangerous and someone, something is tampering with it. You and I made one tiny little paradox and it almost destroyed everything. This one is circular, might be able to be maintained, but the scale of it, Rose. And who knows if it will even work. River seems great and all, at least I hope so, but I don’t think she has much of a handle on time travel. That, or she’s a manipulative psychopath. Suppose that’s a surprise for the other me to find out.”

Rose sniffled and he pulled her into a hug.

“He’s going to be all alone.” The words were muffled into his shoulder, his shirt growing damp with her tears. He cringed and tried to think rationally, that of course she would feel this way, that it had nothing to do with how she felt about him him. But then again, maybe it did.

“He won’t be alone. He’ll find someone. I always do, eventually.”

“B-but I-”

“We’ll figure it out. How to get you back there, once it’s safe,” he whispered into the top of her head. Maybe that would be it- what she needed this him for. And if so, it would be enough. It would have to be enough.

“Really?”

The Doctor nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“So it’s not- you really weren’t abandoning me here?” Rose lifted her head, eyes brimming with a hope that had been missing before.

“Never.” The word felt as if it was torn out of his very being.

She cupped his cheek, stubble beginning to smooth out into the beginnings of a beard. He really needed to shave.

“I thought you said to never say never ever?”

“That was before.”

It occurred to him that he had tea, so he took a sip - it had gone cold.

“Oh, right, all the, uhm, psychic-kinetic-telepathy science stuff.”

He opened his mouth to correct her - she was very close, though - but was interrupted by the ringing of the giant clock. It was heavily muffled by the sound proofing adjustments he had made while setting up the office, but still audible enough.

“It’s eight now, yeah?” Rose asked, even as she moved away.

“Yes.”

She walked over to his desk, where the Doctor now noticed a pile of her folded clothes sat. He frowned when she brought them over to him.

“Do you think you could sonic these clean for me? I’m gonna quick hop into your decontamination shower.”

“Th- there’s a proper shower, it’s two floors down. First left, third right, door marked ‘Security Level Alpha’.”

“What, really?”

“Didn’t want random lab techs using it. Has a retina scan. It’ll let you in.”

Rose laughed, ruffled his hair, and gave him a kiss on the cheek before disappearing to get ready for work. The whole thing left him confused. He went through his list again, checking and double checking to make sure that this all was real . It was, just as it had been all morning.

More memories. Recalibrating the tower’s new sub-basement weapon’s vault. Burnt toast and no more jam left. Reports saying: Correct universe. Wrong time - future. Contact made.

It wasn’t fair that she had spent almost an entire day with him yet he had missed most of it. Still, he sonicked her clothes, as well as his tea. Finished his cuppa, and then had a second before Rose came back from her shower.

“Why’s there no one around?”

“Dangerous radiation leak,” the Doctor shrugged. “I fixed it almost as soon as it happened, but apparently there’s ‘procedures’. How’d you get in?”

She bit her lip, fighting a smile. “Mighta shot a few of your doors,” Rose admitted, picking up an electro-pulse blaster off of a nearby cart. Non-lethal on organic matter. Very effective on fancy doors. “Nobody told me anything about a radiation leak, though.”

“Classified radiation leak.”

“And why’s that?” she scowled, hands on her hips.

“Everything to do with time travel is classified to this office. Bethany is not being very cooperative about putting you down as a liaison-whatever. Please believe me, I wasn’t trying to keep anything a secret.”

“Oh.” Rose glanced over at the EEPEC, absently biting her thumbnail.

The Doctor didn’t know what she was thinking, didn’t know if he should ask. After a moment she disappeared into the loo to change, promising to be back in a tick.

It was a funny multiverse, really, that his reunion with Rose Tyler would be such a stilted thing. That it would be about him and her, but not this him. Acknowledged with a few questions after his health, sure, but that was just polite. She’d always been compassionate, caring for others. Rose didn’t see him as the Doctor. Not the proper one. Sure, she used his name, but it would be easier for her to do that this time around.

He looked just like him.

He was him.

But he wasn’t.

Memories were still coming. Adjustments to Torchwood’s alien tech retrieval protocols. Nutrition shots. Reports reading: Correct universe. Wrong time - past. Contact made.

He went through the list again. Still real.

Unless it wasn’t.

Unless he wasn’t.

What would have stopped the other Doctor from knocking him out and uploading him into a matrix? Giving him a half-life with a programmed Rose Tyler?

The air here felt wrong.

(Wrong universe. Wrong universe. Wrong universe.)

“Doctor!”

(Daleks exploding. “What have you done?!”)

Pressure against his hands. Why was it so dark?

The Doctor opened his eyes to see Rose in front of him, pulling his fingers away from his palms. Oh. He was bleeding. Hadn’t even noticed.

“Sorry, sorry.” He spun away from her in order to grab the first aid kit from his desk.

“What happened?” she asked, vibrating with barely contained panic.

“Nothing, nothing. Things just got jumbled for a second,” he assured her, efficiently cleaning his palms and wrapping them in gauze in a practiced motion.

“How often do you-”

“Hard to say. I’ve been graphing them. Seems to be stress contingent, but generally decreasing. My senses are gradually acclimating to this universe, so I have to hope that once they do, I’ll be fine. Perfect. Molto bene. No inconvenient lapses.”

“Stress? What h- oh.”

He didn’t like the sound of that ‘oh’. The Doctor clenched his jaw before facing her.

“We still haven’t talked about us,” Rose pointed out, approaching him slowly. Like he was a wild animal. Like he would hurt her. “And you … you don’t really remember yesterday still, do you?”

“Not really.”

His hands hurt. His body ached. One heart, and it was beating so quickly that he was sure it would give out.

Rose wrapped her arms around him and he automatically returned the embrace.

“Maybe I should just call in,” she suggested as she pulled away. “We can just take the day?”

“Or don’t and stay anyway,” the Doctor couldn’t help pointing out. “Some bits have come back, and didn’t they send you here?”

She burst into laughter. “Oh my god, they did!”

And it was beyond words, how great it was to hear her laughing again. To see her smiling.

But …

That was wrong.

Rose was upset with him.

Time didn’t feel right.

The air tasted off.

Wrong Universe. Wrong Universe. Wrong Universe.

The Doctor staggered backwards.

His respiratory bypass was malfunctioning. It was like it wasn’t even there. He couldn’t get air into his lungs.

Everything went black.

There was a shot of gold, and then a different kind of black.

“Doctor,” said a whisper in the dark. “The timer went off for the TARDIS. ‘M I supposed to take her out of that thing?”

A TARDIS timer?

TARDIS … timer …

The timer for the extended electro-percussive environment chamber!!!

The Doctor shot up from where he had apparently been lying on the couch and ran over to the EEPEC, swiftly shut it off, removed the tank housing their baby TARDIS, and then poured in the pre-prepared aqueous nutrient solution before inserting the tank into the quasi-dimensional artron chamber (currently set to it’s highest opacity setting). 

“Hah!” he exclaimed, punching his fist in the air and itching to switch the chamber’s outside view settings to transparent. He turned to Rose, opened his mouth to ask her, and then paused.

It all came back to him, all of it, not just the jumbled recollections he had been getting earlier. Apparently he had fallen into a healing coma, and it seems to have been just what he needed … but it all truly hadn’t been fair to Rose. Though, to be fair, she was currently smiling like it was Christmas, so-

Christmas. Healing comas. 

Huh.

“Shall we switch it to transparent?” the Doctor asked, unable to reign himself in any longer. “It was clear when Benny - quite the coincidence, right? - helped me set it up. This is a quasi-dimensional artron chamber. It’s funnelling in rift energy and centrifuging artron particles, and the end result in that chamber is the specific environment needed to properly grow a TARDIS. Well, along with the chrono-nutritio aqueous habitat. Benny describes looking into it as being similar to taking DMT, which, by the way, is completely inaccurate. It’s exactly like looking into an Eye of Harmony. If it’s malfunctioning, it’s like looking into the untempered schism, which I don’t recommend. But everything’s stable now, we could-”

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to look into the vortex?” Rose interrupted, and …

“Right … erm, well ,” he hedged, scratching the back of his neck, “I mean, it isn’t actually the vortex, but you’re probably not completely wrong. Best not risk it.”

Excitement abating, the Doctor slumped against the chamber and at that moment realized that he had been changed into jim jams.

Jim jams. Healing comas.

Huh.

At least these were his own pajamas, and not some ‘friend’ of Jackie’s, though how strange was it that he owned his own pajamas in the first place?

“C’mere,” Rose said, beckoning him back toward the couch, which she was sitting next to, but not on. Not your typical decision, but he had likely taken up all of the space earlier. “I made you some tea.”

It really wasn’t worth it, cataloguing the similarities between this and when he had first regenerated into this body … even though the list did seem to be growing.

“Perfect! Just what I need!” the Doctor smiled as he walked over, taking a seat next to Rose on the floor.

Silence fell as he sipped his tea, and he found himself unsure of what to do or say next. There was too much to say, and he’d certainly done a piss poor job of organizing his thoughts earlier. 

“Feeling better?” she asked, after another moment. 

Small talk. He could definitely do small talk.

“Mmm yes, very much so.”

“Better enough to talk?”

The Doctor coughed, having swallowed his tea incorrectly (bloody hybrid body, still acting up), before nodding. Rose moved onto the couch and he scrambled to join her. 

“So,” she began and paused, face scrunching up in concentration (it was nice to know that he wasn’t the only one who found this whole business incredibly awkward), “I guess … what is it that you actually want? Aside from a working TARDIS, that is.”

His brows furrowed.

Sure, there were plenty of ways he could answer that question and have all of them be true, but he had a feeling that she was looking for a specific type of ‘want’. 

Problem was, the Doctor wasn’t quite sure what that was .

“What?” he asked, in lieu of any better things to say (as the runner up response was to ask for some jam, or maybe a banana, or some of the takeaway from the shop down the corner and blimey, he was hungry). 

“This whole time, all of it, since you c- since you were- since you stopped just bein’ a hand- ” the Doctor had a list of complaints and corrections that he barely held in “- nobody’s asked what you wanted. The D- the other Doctor chose for both of us, really, and I hadn’t really looked at it that way before. An’ I wanna know. What do you want?”

Removed from the actual experience itself (and therefore not feeling incredibly, deathly ill), visions of the slight peek he’d gotten four days ago of his own timeline played in his head.

The Doctor grabbed Rose’s hand, weaving their fingers together.

“I want this.”

She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze.

“Care to elaborate?” she asked with a slight laugh.

“Nope,” he replied, popping the ‘p’. “Because as long as you’re happy, everything else is just- just semantics. I mean, obviously it’s going to be a bit dull until the TARDIS has grown enough for proper travel, but I think we can make do?” At least, he really hoped so. It hadn’t been going swimmingly so far, but the Doctor sincerely hoped that he could chalk all that up to the initial side effects of the meta crisis, compounded by all of the, er … technical difficulties he had run into while constructing the TARDIS’ growth tank. Also, his new hybrid body needed much more maintenance than he was used to, including sleep. Really was rubbish without regular sleep. Such a waste of time.

“So, if I were to suggest you moving into the flat?”

He opened his mouth, intending to immediately agree, but then frowned. The TARDIS was here, after all. And he absolutely could not move her. Not at this stage. Not until she could connect to other dimensions on her own. The Doctor looked over at the quasi-dimensional artron chamber, once again wishing that he could switch it to transparent and watch the process unfold.

“How moved in is moved in?” he asked once he forced himself to turn back toward Rose.

“You’d sleep there, shower there, eat some of your meals. Most of your clothes an’ stuff would be there. Y’know. It’d be where you live. With me. If you want.”

“And that’s what you want?” he double checked, trying not to telegraph his surprise - he must have missed a lot while in a coma, as last he knew they were teetering on the edge of a row.

Rose rolled her eyes, and that was much more in line with where he thought they were at, er, relationship-wise.

“Well, I don’t fancy living in a clocktower office. When I’m done working, I’d like to not still be at work, ta.”

She did make some excellent points … but still, it all implied that they would be staying together. And that was what he wanted, of course it was, but the Doctor still couldn’t help but feel he had missed something crucial despite the fact that he could now remember everything clearly.

“You blew up my job. ”

“I love you, too. But I’m still mad at you.”

“You’ve still got two beating.”

Maybe there wasn’t something to have missed. Human emotions were relatively complex, after all, and there was no rule requiring them to happen in isolation.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asked, realizing as he did that to Rose it was coming from seemingly out of nowhere.

This was confirmed as she blinked, brows furrowing.

“I don’t know. Maybe a little, but …”

“But?” the Doctor repeated, unable to stand the suspense.

“It’s hardly the first time we’ve had a fight, yeah?”

He nodded, unsure of where she was planning on going with this and hoping that he wouldn’t need to begin apologizing for every insensitive thing he’d said or done since they first met. It would take ages.

“Well, we always end up workin’ it out. And we did live together, travelin’ on the TARDIS, whether we had a row or not, so …” Rose shrugged, now examining her fingernails.

Speaking of the TARDIS, though …

“First things first,” the Doctor began, rubbing the back of his neck as he stood up and began pacing, “I want it on record that I would absolutely love to live in a flat with you, with carpets and doors and things. Assuming we’d spend much of our time traveling about, that is.” He turned back toward her, having paced his way back over to the TARDIS’ QDA chamber. “The thing is, it’s … I don’t want you to think that- the TARDIS. She needs me here. This is a critical development period. For the next three to six months, the TARDIS will be growing in the chamber, learning how to connect to and create dimensions. Until she can manage it, I can’t move her and she requires near-constant monitoring. Every hour or two.” 

“She’s like a newborn baby,” Rose commented, getting up and joining him at the chamber, where she stroked the side.

“Exactly.”

“Well, I suppose this’ll have to do then,” she reluctantly … agreed? “As long as we’re living in the flat as soon as she’s moveable, mind. The bathroom here is two floors away.”

“It’s a clocktower, Rose! There’s only so much space.” The Doctor scrunched up his face as he said the word. 

“Then why’d you pick this place? I know because of the Rift, but doesn’t it stretch further than just the tower?”

“Nope,” he shrugged.

It’s not as though he hadn’t checked. 

“Really?”

“Small rift.”

“Yeah,” Rose laughed, “a small rift right under Big Ben.”

The Doctor laughed with her, amazed that he finally could.

Then he frowned.

It was all a little too good to be true.

Was this real?

“Hey.”

He refocused. Rose was right in front of him, their eyes locked.

“You were getting that look in your eyes,” she informed him.

“Look? What look?” the Doctor asked, though he was pretty sure he already knew. Some sort of dazed tell, some sort of glaringly obvious indicator that his grasp on reality was failing him.

“This look you get when you start thinkin’ you’re in the wrong universe.”

Wrong universe, wrong universe, wrong universe.

“Well, I am in the wrong universe,” he couldn’t help but point out.

“Yeah, I know. Me too. But y’know what?”

Rose wrapped her arms around him, and it was almost as if she were his tether, grounding him to this new reality they’d found themselves in.

“It’s better with two.”

[artificialqueens]

Come Home to My Heart, Chapter 3 (Lemyanka) - Plastiquedoll

read on ao3 ✨| chapter 1 2

A/N: hi! I hope you like this new chapter as it goes deeper on the feels™️ I really wanted to give the characters more background (and a little bit of angst whoops) and finally, there are new names dropping yay! Again, there’s a time skip of two years this time. Enjoy & thanks for reading <3

-3-

When Priyanka turned fifteen, she discovered new things she loved. She loved dying the tips of her hair with bright colors every two weeks and a half, she loved skateboarding, she loved being the center of attention and a little bit of a class-clown at school, she loved hanging out with her group of friends, she loved the phone calls with Lemon to catch up and talk shit about everyone…

“Okay, can you hear me now?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s better.”

Priyanka peeped through the hallway hoping no one would decide to interrupt them. She nervously removed the shiny red nail polish with her teeth as they tried to re-connect, if her mother saw her she would’ve scolded her on the spot. The landline phone was solid red plastic with buttons and wires, it was age-worn but at least it wasn’t like her grandparent’s phone with the rotary dial system or it would take hours to get all those area code numbers correct and get Lemon on the other side.

“Thank God. I’m literally inside the closet just like in The Parent Trap. I told my mom I was calling my grandma because last time our phone bill had several zeroes.”

Priyanka chortled and entangled the curly wire with his fingertips. “Sorry about that… so, you were saying… about the audition?”

“Oh, right! I’m trying to get into this dance academy that’s supposed to be the best of the best and the audition waiting list is a nightmare… but they called me the other day and said I’ll have shot in two weeks.”

“Oh. My. God. Lemon that’s awesome!”

“I know! I feel it, Pri. I know I can do it but… I don’t want to assume anything until I get there. I’m confident in my skills but what if they perceive that confidence as cockiness or something like that. I was talking to Jan the other day and she said-”

“Wait, who’s Jan?” Priyanka frowned before the unfamiliar name.

“Jan. Jan! My friend Jan? We have Biology and Math together, remember?”

“I don’t think I’ve heard her name before.”

“I’m sure I have mentioned her… anyway. Jan is madly talented –like, she can sing- and she auditioned for music school like a year ago and told me that…”

Jan. She hadn’t mentioned a Jan before… it was weird for Priyanka that knew all Lemon’s New Yorker friends’ names and she was pretty sure Lemon remembered all her friends’ names as well.

“… anyway, I’ll keep my head high and hope for the best. I’m training extra hard these days to make it. My muscles are sore and I can’t feel my legs right now but hey, no pain no gain.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Thank you.” She paused as if she wanted to say something else, Priyanka could hear her breathing, but then she continued chattering. “Also, my mom got promoted again and now she bought a computer I can e-mail you the day of the audition. But tell me, how are things over there? Did the girls work their differences yet?”

“You know Scarlett, she won’t shut up and-”

“Priyanka, it’s dinner time.” Her mother announced from the kitchen.

She sighed. “Shit. I have to go or my mom is going to cut the phone wires. She says this time is for real.”

“Oh, okay… I’ll call you soon then.”

“Yes, please call me right after the audition or before if you wanna talk… you know. Break a leg or whatever… make sure is figuratively speaking, please.”

She heard Lemon’s giggle on the other line and something inside her went softer.

“I will… and I will be there for Christmas this year, I made my mom promise it.”

“Fingers crossed.” She said before hanging up.

When she looked at herself in the mirror she had a silly grin on her face that couldn’t be erased.

Lemon hadn’t been back in a long year and a half. After spending the first holidays after her parents’ divorce with her dad in Canada, she had to spend the next one with her mom in the Big Apple. Plus, her father got to travel to New York quite often those days and got to see her a lot. She sometimes sent things for Priyanka with him, a nice hoodie, a makeup bag, one of those stupid tourist t-shirts with the Statue of Liberty printed on it, sometimes a pair of dangling earrings or a simple letter and a picture of her. She treasured each of those little trinkets.

Priyanka was saving money from her allowance and was hoping to get a job soon so she could buy a car someday and visit her friend in the big city, they might even go on a road trip over the summer, it was a nice thought to hold onto until they could hang out again.

On the day of Lemon’s audition, Priyanka was restless. She got kicked out of one of her classes because she kept fidgeting, twitching, moving around, and chewing gum. It drove her teachers insane. Scarlett and Kiara mocked her from the window of the classroom and then got a warning as well.

Later that day she cleaned all her room to avoid thinking. She found several pictures of her and Lemon over the years –including that one time they tried Lemon’s mom makeup for the first time, Lemon was missing her two front teeth-, there were some photos from their first days of school and even Lemon at Priyanka’s plays. She was so pissed when she got that old lady role instead of the main character but she had managed to steal the scene anyway.

As the sun was setting, she didn’t know what else to do. She did the dishes without offering resistance and then got into an argument with her little sister who wanted to watch Hannah Montana while Priyanka just wanted to watch the new episode of America’s Next Top Model. She had to admit it though, the intro of Hannah Montana was kind of catchy (something she would never admit to her sister).

It was almost quarter to nine and she still didn’t have any news. There was a two-hour time difference with New York but still… it was gnawing her from the inside.

Right when Tyra was about to reveal which model got to stay for another week, the phone rang in the hallway and she couldn’t jump out of the couch fast enough.

«You have a phone call from-» Press one to accept, yeah, yeah, she knew that.

“Lemon?” She didn’t even wait for a «hello».

“Pri? Is it you?”

The sound of her voice brought her back to life, she could hear the sound of her heart beating again.

“Yes, it’s me! How did it go?”

“Oh my God, Pri… I’m calling you from a payphone in the middle of Times Square, this is insane. The girls lend me some cash to call you.” Priyanka could hear the sound of the traffic and even some giggles coming from outside of the phone.

“And? You’re killing me here, Lemz.” She had her fingers crossed even when she couldn’t see that gesture through the call and was holding the phone against her ear with her shoulder.

“It was so difficult I thought I was never going to learn the steps I’m literally so exhausted right now but…”

But.

“I got it, I got the spot!”

Priyanka started screaming.

“Priyanka!” Her mother shouted.

“Sorry…sorry!” She covered her mouth with her hand.

Lemon was cackling.

“Lemz, I might get in so much trouble for this but… Congratulations, I’m so happy for you!”

“Thank you.” She sounded truly happy, Priyanka wished she could see her right at that moment. “Jan, can you give me another quarter? Thanks, doll.”

That girl Jan again.

“So what are you girls are up to?”

“We’re going to get some pizza to celebrate. Jan is here as you heard, so are Goona, Rosé, Jackie… They say hi.”

“Tell them I said hi too.”

“She says hi… No, I’m not telling that, shut up…”

“What is it?”

“They are being assholes as usual… Listen, I have to go, I’m running out of coins and I still have to call my mom.”

“Okay, we’ll talk soon… I’m so happy for you… Love you.”

“Love you too! See you in a few weeks.”

“Yeah. I can’t wait.”

“Bye, Pri.”

She hung up but stood next to the phone for a moment, staring at it.

Just a few more weeks.

Priyanka kept begging her older brother to teach her how to drive. It took a few weeks of insistence until he gave up and the lessons started. They only stopped when the snow got too thick and the roads too slippery to practice. Still, by that time Priyanka was almost an expert. She needed to perfect her parking skills before turning sixteen and that would be it.

She also needed a car but that was the least important part.

“So when’s your girlfriend coming to town?” Scarlett asked.

Priyanka choked on her hot chocolate and coughed a couple of times. “Lemon’s not my girlfriend.”

Kiara rolled her eyes.

“Ah, yes, I can’t wait to finally meet her!” Juice –the latest addition to their group- said.

They were at the coffee shop, outside was freezing cold and the smell of fresh-baked pastries had dragged them inside the warm environment. Scarlett was having a black coffee while Priyanka and Kiara had their respective hot chocolate with marshmallows and Juice ordered a cappuccino with whipped cream and sprinkles on top.

“So?” Scarlett arched a brow.

“Her flight is booked for next week if the snowstorms allow them to fly.”

“I remember you two from primary school; they were joined by the hip, even before you shared diapers or something.” Kiara mocked.

“Oh, that’s right. You were in her classroom in kindergarten back when Ilona prevented everyone from playing with her.”

“That’s because Lemon spilled some paint over Ilona’s drawing… it was kids’ things. We all forgot when some random kid wet his pants or whatever.”

“And when did the crush began?”

Priyanka shot daggers at Scarlett with her eyes.

“I don’t have a crush on her. She’s literally my best friend, you guys are delusional.”

“Sure…” Kiara stirred her chocolate. “But it’s been what? Almost two years since she graced us with her presence?”

“Yeah, her parents didn’t want her to travel alone last time so her father flew to New York.”

“All jokes aside,” Scarlett changed her irksome ‘let’s pick on Priyanka’ tone for a minute. “Are you going to tell her about…?”

At the age of fifteen, Priyanka discovered she didn’t like kissing boys.

It had been at a lame party in a basement, her classmates had invited her and one of them suggested they should play seven minutes in heaven. Priyanka was about to skip it and refill her paper cup with cheap vodka and orange juice when she got dragged by the wrist and pushed into the closet with a guy from the hockey team. She suspected he had a crush on her for the longest time and this was instigated by his friends but the moment the door was locked, she panicked.

Her friends tried to get her out of there but there were a few underdeveloped brains and much muscle blocking the door. So she guessed she was doing it. The guy wasn’t that bad –she liked to believe- he told her they didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to and he was what most girls of the classroom referred to as «handsome». Priyanka shouted she was okay to calm down her friends and figured the best she could do was getting over it once and for all.

It was her first kiss.

The guy had rough lips and a slippery tongue and it was in the middle of all that smooching when his hand went under her lower back that she knew, she wasn’t enjoying it at all. She pushed the guy aside and used the back of her hand to clean her lips, she’d need some mouthwash as well. He asked if everything was okay but she was too condescending and told him that she was feeling dizzy.

The door was unlocked when he asked his friends to do it. Priyanka walked back –ashamed-to her group of friends as Kiara told them they were all disgusting and how stupid the game was. Priyanka called her brother from a phone upstairs and left soon after. For the first time, she was quiet on the way back home.

Later that night when she was laying on her bed in the darkness, she couldn’t stop thinking about it, thinking about how she was supposed to feel kissing that guy -any guy- or thinking about the fact that she wasn’t even remotely attracted to boys but mostly, thinking how she so wished that guy was someone else, how she wished that guy was a girl.

The following week at school the not-so-nice-guy had told everyone that Priyanka was basically a slut and if it wasn’t because she was so wasted, they could’ve gone to third base in that closet that very night. Priyanka wasn’t ashamed anymore, she was angry. Very angry. During lunch, she walked directly towards him and exposed him in front of everyone, not only denying the absurdity of those rumors but also stating that she would never even consider touching his small dick.

After that, Priyanka was done with guys, boys, and men in general.

She had a heart-to-heart conversation with her friends afterward but –to no one’s surprise- she ended up with the least heterosexual and most supportive group of friends in the world.

Still… she hadn’t been able to tell Lemon yet. She had tried but there was something about phone calls that didn’t help at all, she wanted to tell her in person, she wanted to see her face and know that everything was okay. And she planned to do it during her visit.

“I’ll try.” Priyanka stated, hoping the universe cooperated with her.

“Good. So you can make out under the mistletoe next.” There she was again.

“Okay, you two,” She pointed at Scarlett and Kiara. “you have to stop it or I’m going to do you guys dirty and you know I can.”

They started laughing, clearly taking Priyanka’s threaten lightly.

“That’s it! You,” She directed toward Kiara. “I have seen you drooling over Kyne the entire semester.”

Kiara went pale.

“And you two…” She turned back to Scarlett and Juice that were cackling sitting on the couch. “Yes, I’m talking to you, do you really believe I haven’t seen the way you look at each other, those stolen glances, the subtle touches? Please, is this a Jane Austen novel or what? You ain’t that smooth.”

“Hey! I didn’t say anything!” Juice protested.

Scarlett’s mouth turned into a thin line and her ears were suddenly pink colored. She murmured something Priyanka couldn’t catch but rhymed with «witch».

“Sorry girl, I warned you heads would roll and I’m not leaving any survivors if that’s what it takes.”

Scarlett put her hands up as a sign of surrender. “I respect it, you’re a bitch but I respect it.”

So that was the word she used.

Lemon would arrive at any minute now.

Her father was picking her up from the airport, they would have lunch at some fancy restaurant in the city center and then he’d drop Lemon at Priyanka’s house until sunset –that was when she had to leave again to have dinner with her relatives.

Priyanka kept moving her right leg, restless while sitting on the couch, eyes nailed on the window.

“Priyanka, take the trash out, it’s your turn.” Her mother told her casually as she directed upstairs.

“Mom!” She complained. “I’m doing important things.”

“You’re sitting on the couch.”

“My point exactly.”

Her mom gave her the glare. “Trash. Out. Now.”

She grumbled but did as asked.

Priyanka put on an extra thick coat over her jeans and knitted orange sweater, adjusted her wool socks and boots, and adventured to the exterior world of the Canadian winter wonderland. She only had to walk a few steps but she could feel her body freezing with the icy breeze. The snow was blinding white and she could hear the whistle of the wind blowing and the sound of her own teeth chattering.

She didn’t even hear the sound of the car stopping right at the entrance of her house nor the door closing or the steps.

She barely had time to turn around when an identified running person hit her like an asteroid. Lemon was small but she still got the strength to tackle Priyanka down with a hug. She didn’t even notice whether the snow was cold or not.

“Hey!” She was still down on the ground and needed to turn around once Lemon moved. “You’re here…”

The vision was dazzling. Lemon’s face, her eyes, her smile from ear to ear with full teeth showing, her blonde hair falling like a cascade over her rosy cheeks. It was as if she had been taken from an Andersen fairytale or a Tchaikovsky composition, ice queens and fairies fluttered around Priyanka’s head.

“I’m here! Can you believe it?”

She was still pretty much straddled on Priyanka, making the brunette blush and hoping she could blame it on the weather. Finally, Lemon got to stand up and helped her friend to get on her feet again.

Lemon was irretrievably tiny but there was something different about her since the last time they had seen each other. She looked less like the little girl Priyanka remembered and more like a teen pop star of the magazines they used to read with her slightly curled lighter hair, pink glossy lips, longer lashes… She was wearing a yellow sweater and a white puffy jacket with matching fake fur around the neck, corduroy pants, and cream boots. Even her glasses were stylish now.

“Wait, are you taller?” She observed.

“No, you just shrunk in the washing machine.”

Lemon elbowed her and then turned to wave at her dad that was still in the car.

“He told me he saw you in the supermarket the other day and asked what does your mom feed you with so I could get some too.”

Priyanka laughed at loud. “He got you there.”

“Ha. Ha.”

“But enough with my height, let’s go inside, I think I got snow on my socks and I don’t want to catch a cold or wait until another short person attacks me.”

“Hey, you said enough with the height.”

“No, no. I clearly said mine, not yours.”

Lemon rolled her eyes and there it was the old Lemon she knew so well, the exact dose just a little less sugary and a bit sour.

They went to Priyanka’s room, she shared it with her middle sister but she was currently busy practicing at music school with her cello for her end of the year concert, there were a few trophies, certificates, and distinctions on her side of the room meanwhile Priyanka’s was a collage of pictures with the girls, an album cover Avril Lavigne, one large poster she got from the local cinema when Spice World was brought back for a special feature and she forced her friends to watch it for the millionth time, some random doodles she did in class and of course, photos and postcards Lemon had sent to her.

The blonde smiled when she spotted a picture of them from their first day of primary school, their backpacks were bigger than them.

They removed the heavy coats, Priyanka changed her wet socks for new ones and a pair of slippers. Lemon was prying into the mess that was her desk, her fingers roaming through her school books, comic books, magazines, and scattered papers as if she tried to figure out if she still knew the owner of that space in the way she used to.

They sat on Priyanka’s bed on the nothing-like-Priyanka flowery blanket one of her aunts got her for a birthday. Priyanka’s mom dropped by to say hi and left a tray with two smoky cups of tea.

“I love your mom, she read my mind.” Lemon said, wrapping her hands around the warm porcelain.

“She’s being nice only because you’re around.” Priyanka took a sip of her tea. “I wonder if it’s a good time to tell her that I broke one of her flowerpots when I was practicing with the skateboard.”

“You’re the worst.” Lemon giggled.

“Certified. Three years in a row.”

The blonde shook her head. “Does she still make that incredible curry with potatoes?”

“Yeah, once in a while.”

“Oh my God… I tell you I’ve dreamt about it. You know I love Christina to dead but she can’t cook at all.”

Lemon, at some point after the divorce, had stopped addressing her mother as “mom” and now she called her by her first name.

“Do you remember she always made dinner with dry spaghetti and can sauce?”

“You laugh all you want but that’s my comfort food till this day.” Priyanka defended her.

“She doesn’t even cook it anymore, now we buy it all pre-cooked or already cooked. She might even forget how to boil water. Anyway, we’ve tried a thousand restaurants but I swear to you, Pri, no one can cook like your mom.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve missed one of us.”

Lemon threw a pillow at her face.

“Of course I’ve missed you, dumbass.”

They did each other’s nails, Priyanka ended up with a light blue shade Lemon had brought for her and it was allegedly the same color as Tiffany’s, and the blonde insisted she had to draw a white ribbon to make it look like the jewel’s teeny tiny boxes.

From there, Priyanka could see everything. Lemon frowning, concentrated on her task, the way she batted her lashes, her pretty eyes, the little freckles she had over her nose, the shape of her cupid bow turned into an unintentional pout… her lips.

Priyanka gulped and then Lemon caught her staring.

“What is it?” She looked for some hint in Priyanka’s face. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No… I’m just making sure you don’t fuck up the design.”

Lemon rolled her eyes. “Don’t be silly. I’m almost done.”

While Priyanka’s nails got dried, they talked about school, classes they liked and disliked, teachers that they loathed or loved, then about their plans after turning sixteen, Priyanka told her about the driving lessons and Lemon told her she wanted to dress up as Cher Horowitz –of course- for her birthday and by the time Priyanka started with Lemon’s nails, she was reviving her dance audition.

“I tell you, Pri, there was a moment I doubt I’d got in. It was a flash but I felt it in my stomach I thought I was going to puke and mess everything up.”

“Hey, but you didn’t. I’m sure you nailed it.”

The blonde sighed. “Still, New York is like… everything’s so fast and everyone’s competitive to the point where you can’t get distracted or someone else will go after what you have. It’s nice to be here for a change, this is the only place I can really relax. It sucks that I can only stay for a week and five of those seven days I have to visit my dad’s relatives out of town.” She met Priyanka’s eyes. “I wish I could get to spend more time with you, you know?”

Priyanka’s heart skipped a beat. At that moment what she suspected but didn’t dare to say at loud became a reality, all those corny songs from the 90’s suddenly made sense, all the movies Hollywood had sold labeled as «romance» acquired a new meaning and she finally understood what «to have butterflies in one’s stomach» really felt like.

She liked Lemon. She liked her best friend…. And she liked her a lot.

That was the reason she hadn’t been able to tell her about what happened earlier that year at the party because it wasn’t just that she wanted to kiss a girl instead of a guy, she wanted to kiss one particular girl and she was right in front of her at that very moment.

They never warned her about it, they never told her that she would live normally until the day she’d realize she could harbor such feeling inside, that one day she’d just… know.

She almost dropped the nail polish bottle over the blanket.

“Oh, careful.” Lemon grabbed it just in time. She looked at her friend with concern in her eyes. “Pri, are you okay? You look… pale.”

“What? Ah, yeah… it’s nothing. I’m recovering from a cold I caught, that’s it…” She shook her head and took a breath of air. “I’m sorry, you were saying…”

“About the dance academy,” Lemon resumed her story. “the girls think I can make it through the next three years, and then I can major in dancing, I might even get a scholarship if I do outstandingly well.”

There was something, a little detail there that wasn’t… right.

“I hope you can visit me soon, you gotta meet the girls; you’re going to love them. Rosé and Jan are also Geminis, I guess that’s why I get along with them so well. Luckily, Jan would be my roommate if she gets her scholarship as well and…”

“Roommate?” Priyanka asked.

“Yeah… for college? We’re thinking about moving in together because rents are expensive even for the smallest studio apartment advertised. It’s a nightmare.”

“But wait… what happened with the plan? Our plan?”

Lemon opened her mouth to reply and then shut it.

“You forgot about it…”

“No! You know I didn’t… but… my options are wider now, I have to think forward and… did you seriously think-?”

“Yes. I did.” Priyanka didn’t even let her finish speaking.

Her soul had been just crushed.

“Pri, that’s not what I mean. We made that promise when we were ten, things have… changed since then.”

“Maybe they have changed for you but I’m still stuck here, I’m still counting on our plans… our promises. I’m still counting on you. The only thing that has changed is you and your pompous New Yorker glamorous lifestyle.”

“Oh, so it was so easy for me, right? It’s not like I had to attend a school where I didn’t know anyone, being the new girl and sitting alone during lunchtime for months while going through my parents’ divorce… I hated it the first months, Priyanka, I really did and I swear that talking to you on the phone and dancing were the only things that kept me alive…” Her voice cracked. “It wasn’t until I met my friends that I felt like I could do it… that it wasn’t completely waste of time and that I wasn’t a totally useless person.”

“Lemon… you never said-”

There was a single sparkly tear falling down her cheek.

“Well, I hope you’re happy now. There you have it, my life isn’t a glamorous as you thought, is it?”

“It’s because that’s what you’ve told me! Maybe if you didn’t sugarcoat things I could’ve helped you…”

“And do what? And then what? You’d get tired of me with all those problems and we’d eventually drift apart. I’d become a burden for you.”

“What? Where did you get that from? Let me be your friend, that’s what friends do… they help each other during the rough times too, they tell each other things.”

“Oh, and you surely have told me everything that’s being going on here.”

Priyanka remained silent.

“I still talk with some people from school here and there… why didn’t you tell me about what happened at that party?”

“Lemon, that’s completely different…”

“Is it? Because from my perspective, it looks like we’re hiding things from each other now.”

“And breaking promises as well for what it seems.”

Lemon looked at her, she seemed hurt and it broke Priyanka’s heart to see her like that.

She wanted to reach her and hold her hand, hug her and tell her that everything was alright but at the same time, she was angry. She couldn’t have it both ways. It wasn’t fair.

Priyanka’s mother called them from downstairs; Lemon’s father was there to pick her up.

“I better go.” She grabbed her coat. “I’ll be back in five days if you want… whatever.”

She was gone before Priyanka could say something and frankly, she felt that if she opened her mouth it was going to get worse. It wasn’t until the girl left the house and she heard the car getting lost in the distance that she collapsed on her bed and started crying on the closest pillow she had.

Five days after, it was a New Year already but little had changed since they last met.

Lemon visited Priyanka’s house only to discover she wasn’t there.

“Could you please tell her I came to say goodbye?” She bit her inner cheek to contain a sob.

She had a flight to take back to New York.

Priyanka had taken the family’s car without permission and she had driven for a few hours, making sure there was no chance of their paths crossing. It was petty; she knew she was being childish avoiding her rather than talk things through and she was going to regret it and hate herself later, damn, she was going to get grounded for months but who cared? At that moment, the only thing that was on her mind was that she couldn’t see Lemon.

Not like that.

She did her wrong but she was partly right. Priyanka wasn’t being honest with her and she couldn’t tell her all the truth to restore their friendship.

She couldn’t tell her that she was gay and that she was in love with her because it would change it all.

It would destroy their friendship entirely.

Lemon would never reciprocate those stupid feelings of her.

Maybe if she put enough distance between them, those feelings would simply fade, go away, and right now, New York sounded distant enough.

If it was on her to do the hardest part for the sake of all the years they’ve been together, then she was going to do whatever it’d take.

Tears scorched her eyes.

At the age of fifteen, Priyanka loved her best friend Lemon but she also hated her.

[toast-the-unknowing]

do u have some random headcanons for your foster care adam verse/childhood friends verse, that you'll like to share with us? if you want to of course, i just think that's your most potentially teen drama fic you have ever written, and i say that not in a bad way, i just think it's such a fun and comforting au :')

In sixth grade, they start middle school, and Adam gets bumped up a grade in math. He ends up in the same class as Declan and develops one of those awkward kid crushes you only realize is a crush years later. Ronan bugs Adam to finally get Debbie and Bill's permission to have Blue sleepover, so they all end up hanging out at his house more and at the Lynch house less. It does not occur to Adam that these two facts might be related.

In seventh grade Adam's adoption goes through. Adam continues to call Debbie and Bill by their first names; he thinks that they'd like it if he called them mom and dad, but they never actually say anything about it. It just feels too much like lying, to Adam, like pretending that nothing his parents did to him ever happened, and anyway, those aren’t good words to him.

In eighth grade, Blue and Ronan's running competition for who will get the bigger role in the school play backfires when they are cast as the two romantic leads of the spring show. Adam laughs at them a whole lot to distract himself from the weird emotions that he gets watching them hold hands and pretend to be in love. They stop acting after that show and go into the tech crew instead, which both Ronan and Blue claim was THEIR idea.

Freshman year, someone makes a joke about Blue having two boyfriends. She's not really surprised -- the jokes aren't new, although they're getting grosser and more uncomfortable as she gets older -- but she's kind of surprised about how pissed off Ronan gets. It's late enough at night that Adam (who has the earliest curfew) is already home and isn't around to be the voice of reason. They commit some light vandalism in revenge and then go grab ice cream to celebrate. Blue asks Ronan why it bugs him when people insult her. The answer is at least half that she's his friend okay, Jesus, what is he supposed to do, just let people talk about her like that; but instead of saying that what Ronan actually does is blurt out all of his feelings about Adam in the middle of a Dairy Queen at eleven o'clock at night. Blue's verdict: they are definitely going to need more blizzards to deal with this.

Sophomore year, Ronan's dad dies. Ronan doesn't handle it well. Adam gets worried about him one night when Ronan stops responding to his texts, and he sneaks out to find him and make sure he's okay. The next morning Adam isn't at school. Ronan feels like shit on top of everything else for getting Adam into trouble, until Adam shows up after lunch; Debbie and Bill let him sleep in since he was out so late, and then they wanted to make an appointment for him with his social worker, in case he needed to talk to someone about what he’s going through. He is super grounded, though. Blue takes over "make sure Ronan doesn't do anything stupid" duty. She doesn't to let him get away with anything.

Junior year, Adam and Ronan start dating. The getting together part is easier than Ronan had ever expected, and the dating part is everything he ever wanted; the hard part, the part that he hadn't really thought about, is keeping it secret. He wants to tell everyone: classmates, teachers, random people walking down the street, and yeah, his mom, why wouldn't he want her to know something so important about his life? But Adam isn't ready to; the first time they really talk about it he tells Ronan if your mom freaks out about it she can't send you back, which doesn't even make sense -- Bill and Debbie are super chill, for old people, plus they're those parents that volunteer for every field trip and shit, plus Adam is adopted so where the hell would they even send him to -- but Ronan doesn't have to get it to get that it's what Adam needs. So he keeps it a secret. Even though it's so fucking hard. The only person he gets to talk to about Adam is Blue, who is sick. to. death. of hearing him, quote, "writing the sappiest romance novel of all time, seriously, I'm gonna hurl," close quote.

(Adam's eventual coming out to Bill and Debbie goes just fine; they're kind of awkward but very supportive for him and they tell him that they love him and that "we always thought Ronan was a nice young man." There's at least one (1) Pride parade where they are very earnest and very embarrassing and Blue has zero sympathy for that, either, because seriously Adam you went to Pride with your parents, what did you think would happen?)

Senior year is weird, for Blue. She's happy for Adam and Ronan, obviously she's happy, that's what you are when your two best friends are happy, is happy. It's just that the three of them were always the three of them, and now a lot of the time Adam and Ronan hang out just the two of them and Blue's just...Blue. There's nothing to do about it, though, no one thing, so she does a little bit of a lot of things to see what helps. Dating doesn't -- Adam and Ronan have found the only two decent teenage boys in town, each other, and after a few attempts she gives up in disgust. She goes to a lot of parties for a while and turns out to have a terrifying aptitude for flip cup, but that's just all the same people she doesn't want to date and doesn't want to hang out with at school, and being around more people doesn't actually make her feel less alone. She tries some new clubs and new electives, likes shop a lot more than she expected, likes art a lot less than she expected, although some of the art kids aren't so bad. She sinks a lot of time into her college applications, all the same state schools that Adam's applying to, a bunch of West Coast schools that he isn't. She doesn't say anything about it to him; she's probably not going to get in and she can't afford it without a bunch of scholarships anyway, so there's no real point in hurting anyone's feelings. Just, if she's on her own, she wants to have things that are her own. She can have that and have Adam, who still lends her all his favorite books so they can talk about them, and gets a job at the same restaurant she does when she complains about how boring her shifts are, and comes over to watch readings and seances at her house, half-skeptical and half-enthralled. She can have that and have Ronan, who still gives her rides to absolutely anywhere she needs to go no matter how far it is, and goes thrift store diving with her for things that might make good costumes for the theater department even though every single opinion he has about clothes is WRONG, and texts her to tell her every time he goes to the bathroom, like that's something anyone wants to know. They're still the three of them, even if they have to rearrange things a little bit, and Ronan and Adam are still the people she shares everything with. When she gets pissed off her first day of classes in Berkeley, they're the first people she texts, you will not BELIEVE this jerk in my history discussion, he tried to pay me to be in his study group and they immediately support her -- or, Adam does; Ronan texts how much? but that's what support looks like, from Ronan. That's what she wants, for all of them, and she's happy, she's really, really happy.

[glare0322]

h.i.v.e. head canons

just some character and relationship/friendship head canons :)

laura

- plays the piano and quite well. she doesn’t want to play much at h.i.v.e. because it reminds her of scotland and her family. after book eight, she plays a lot more frequently cause she really sees h.i.v.e. and the people there as her home.

- is not organized in anything but school and files on her computer. her brain runs a million miles an hour which leads to things getting messy fast.

- becomes a lot closer with raven after the greenhouse since they now have a bit of shared trauma especially in the fact anastasia favored to torture both of them.

- still sucks at driving even after h.i.v.e.

- after h.i.v.e. laura goes and lives with her family for a month back in scotland. they talk about h.i.v.e., shelby and her other friends, whats been happening here, and other general catching up topics. mary (mrs. brand) takes a special interest in meeting otto and laura reminds her mom every day not to make a big deal about it. yet she still counts down the days until she gets to meet her daughter’s boyfriend.

otto

- gets very frustrated when he can’t grasp certain concepts or master specific skills. he is known as the boy genius after all.

- went through an edgy phase while at h.i.v.e. not emo, but he would throw in more hurtful quips towards shelby during their usually playful spits and his jokes were just a little too dark. otto got a lot more detentions during this time and even the thought of trying to escape again reoccurred in his mind. he eventually noticed how wing was not a fan of it and slammed the breaks. of course everyone still makes fun of him for it.

- if you don’t think otto wouldn’t cry at the sight of his newborn child/ren then um...you’re wrong

- he looks back on his little prime minister scheme with pride and cringes terribly at it. on one hand, it was his beginnings and the device he made not only worked but was something like no other. and then he remembers how he made the prime minister moon everyone. when he was younger it was hilarious, now that he’s a tad older otto hates the fact he did that. there is just something immature and lacking taste about the whole thing.

- lives in sweaters/jumpers. i know this one is random, but something about them just suits otto.

wing

- has a gentle singing voice. he only sings lullabies to his kids and if one of his friends needs it. besides that wing does not sing often. it’s always a treat when he does.

- wing is really scared to be a dad. the thought of being like his father is incredibly scary to him.

- i really can not see wing becoming a villain but an antihero, now that i can definitely see. his methods are immoral in the sense he is still technically a murder, but he only goes after truly evil corporations. like human trafficking kind of evil.

- he teaches his kid/s self-defense and martial arts.

- trilingual and speaks english, japanese, and mandarin. the first two are canon to the story but i feel like his parents probably would have taught him at least some mandarin.

shelby

- shelby hated how laura would stay up for hours in the night tapping away on her computer. however when she moved out, it seemed weird not to fall asleep to the sound of a typing keyboard.

- if there is a h.i.v.e. gymnastics team/program (since there is a water polo team) shelby would totally do it. she waves to her friends before her round and even sometimes blows a kiss to her supportive boyfriend who is always there to see her.

- after h.i.v.e. she pursues gymnastics professionally. it provides the same wealth she was used to back with her parents, she likes to do it, but most importantly it’s an amazing cover up for why she’s traveling so many places around the world. (to steal of course) it also funds these trips and gives her, and wing for that matter, a great public image. plus she likes the spotlight a bit.

- i’ve said this before but shelby eventually gets lessons from raven. i just love this idea with my whole heart especially because how different these two are.

- had a bit of affluenza before h.i.v.e. which played into her desire for stealing diamonds along with her crappy parents. (my theory on shelb’s parents is right here)

laura and otto

- otto adores laura’s piano playing. there is something peaceful about it to him which he finds really comforting.

- they go to university together in scotland and help each other get through it. the two live in an apartment together go to school then see each other after classes at home.

- laura has some zero ptsd and it occasionally effects her relationship with otto in the sense she gets flashbacks and is genuinely scared. otto completely understands this though and is super patient with her. obviously it bothers him since he’s not zero, but he understands why she’s experiencing this and loves her enough to put his annoyance aside for her.

- these two wanted their kids’ names to be after someone. so if they would ever have a daughter her name would be lucy and the middle name of their son would be wing. laura wanted to include shelby but it just didn’t fit anywhere.

- if otto can’t find a shirt, then laura is wearing it. she wears his clothes super frequently and he won’t complain. she looks cute :,)

laura and shelby

- shelby likes things to look pretty, so she ends up being the one that keeps their room tidy, makes the beds, and other cleanly stuff like that. especially when they live together outside of h.i.v.e. she does the dishes pretty often, keeps their room looking nice, and stocks their fridge. laura is messy, but it doesn’t effect her much cause shelbs takes care of it. she doesn’t mind and only teases laura when people are over to embarrass her (all in good fun).

- laura doesn’t like girly things (we been knew). shelby tried for a while to get her into these things and a few stick on: nail polish, very light make up, and shopping. but never and i mean never would shelby make laura do something she didn’t want to. of course laura introduces shelby to her more geeky/nerdy stuff. they watch superhero shows together, shelbs has a black widow t-shirt in her closet now, and even some basic hacking codes.

- laura didn’t like shelby at first not only because of her nasty personality, but because she was a lot like the girls who would talk about laura behind her back.

- basically canon, but shelby was the number one ottra shipper. she had been rooting for them since day one of h.i.v.e. laura comes to her for advice with otto and shelby consoles her when lucy and otto get together. they both were disappointed the two didn’t get together.

- laura is really good at baking and shelby asks her once to help her bake something for wing. (she was really trying y’all) long story short, even laura couldn’t help shelby’s terrible baking skills and they set off the fire alarms in their apartment along with the sprinklers.

wing and otto

- otto wanted to do one of wing’s workouts despite his best friends many warnings it would be rough. it was safe to say otto underestimated the intensity of the workout.

- oh god the scene where these two will eventually leave each other to go move on past h.i.v.e. is just absolutely gut wrenching. they both acknowledge how the other had such an influence on their lives and hope to see them prosper in life. honestly this is like a rare moment where i can see wing legitimately crying.

- so we all know how wing has half the overlord protocol necklace (he has yang) if shelby doesn’t get the yin half then otto should because he kinda fits the yin meaning and is best bros with wing.

- for wing’s “bachelor party” they honestly just get all the guys from h.i.v.e. together and hang out for a couple hours. after, however, he and otto go out and go have some fun doing morally gray criminal activity.

- they still sometimes speak in japanese to each other on missions and stuff or if they need to plan something without anyone else knowing.

shelby and wing

- they move permanently to america, but visit china and japan quite frequently.

- one of the first things shelby does after she and wing get out of h.i.v.e. is watch a bunch of disney movies and american movie classics so he can understand the pop culture references she has been making for the past five years.

- i totally think shelby gets the other half over otto, or at least a replica. there’s kinda set up for this as well, the other half (yin) is known as the feminine half.

- if they would ever have a daughter her name would be mei or raven.

- she always knows exactly what to get him as a gift or even just in general. she’s observant and can pick up on what he needs before he does. wing has mentioned before shelby is a little...less predictable but he tries his hardest and oh my goodness does shelby appreciate his efforts. of course it irritates her, but she knows her slightly emotionally-unavailable boyfriend is trying an insane amount to sort through her emotions right.

shelby and otto

- they totally bond over how wing is great, but have an urge to smother him in his sleep because of the obnoxiously loud snoring

- menaces to the public when these two are together. i couldn’t even begin to tell you all the crafty things that would conspire between these two. pranking teachers, seeing who can steal the answers first, racing in stealth or in fitness classes. (wing beats both of them in combat/fitness so their efforts are often pointless)

- when they first came to h.i.v.e. shelby was taller than otto, by quite a margin too. she teased him into another galaxy about it. so when the day came that otto was officially taller than her, she mourned the countless jokes that could no longer be made.

- asks a lot of those “wait who logically thought to make butter?” questions. they also argue whether these people were geniuses or a new level of stupid. (seriously who thought to mix together milk until it gets to a solid consistency and then eat it?)

- they have to live together for one month after h.i.v.e. in the beginning, they like wanted to choke each other, but by the end of the month they were upset to not live with each other any more. (fic is dropping soon 🙈)

wing and laura

- after the greenhouse incident, laura went to wing asking him to teach her some martial arts since she felt really weak physically while in there. he doesn’t initially think it’s the best idea, but laura convinces him it will be okay.

- they’re a lot better friends then people would initially think. she hugged him like twice in the first book alone and is grateful for him saving her life. laura and wing seem like the two that just relax with each other. no shenanigans, no combat, honestly just vibing. they drink tea and watch murder mystery shows while catching up on the latest things and theorizing about the show.

- the entire gang goes to tokyo all together at one point in their life. laura and wing go to all the historical places in the city and chat about them for hours.

- they go on hikes together. that’s it. i’m right and you know it.

- i always imagined at least once wing decided to try and take the high road instead of cheating by asking laura to tutor him. it worked pretty well for him and now whenever he needs help with work, he just goes to laura and they work through it together.

[its-norea-wong]

Yall don know crap about me so here:

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal than milk. I don like to have a bowl full of milk after.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a winter-y day? Yes.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Random pieces of old sketch paper I have lying around everywhere.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I drink green tea as is. I’ll have that or cocoa, with milk and sprinkles.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes, I don smile often.

6: do you keep plants? Yes, I have a small sunflower in my window.

7: do you name your plants? Yes, her name is Vivi. Don fuking judge me.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? I use oil paints.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yeah, I hum to the music I play when I draw, sketch and/or paint.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Sleep? Hah, I don’t, but If I take my sleeping pills like I’m suppose to, usually on my side.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? Er allein, dem die Jugend gehört, gewinnt die Zukunft.  

12: what’s your favorite planet? Saturn.

13: what’s something that made you smile today? Watching Shiloh trip and fall.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? I’m not going to live in the city once I finish school.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! It would take nine years to walk to the moon.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Ramen.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I want to get rid of the blonde patch at my routes.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.  When I learnt German only to give our Jewish history teacher wwII flash backs. Nate was mad. I didn’t care.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Yes and just small outfit ideas.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Blue, purple or orange. Why? Idfk.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. My hello kitty little backpack that I brought with me from japan, I now use it as a purse when I go shopping. It confuses people.

22: are you a morning person? hell. no.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Lay in bed till 4 pm.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Fuck no.

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? The boy’s dorm room.

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My black and pastel coloured converse.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? bubblegum.

28: sunrise or sunset? sunrise. I’m not a morning person but it looks nice.

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? no.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes, when? I wont tell, unless asked.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. They’re okay ig, yes?, no, no, and no thanks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I can’t really hang out with friends at 3 AM.

33: what’s your fave pastry? dessert mochii.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? It’s name is Kuma. It’s a brown fluffy bear. yes i do.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? not anymore, I used to write to my mom while I was at school.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? Bo burnham. That’s it.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! JB. just JB hitting on. every. single. guy. That or Shiloh. Just Shiloh being Shiloh. Also Bae thinking he’s better than everyone else.

39: what color do you wear the most? Black.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I own a small necklace with purple beads. It has meaning to me I guess.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?  The One Safe Place.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! No.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? JB. 

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? When I was 11.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yeah.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. uhhhhh. To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Store bought ramen. It’s so gross.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Thunder and Lightning, and yes.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? The last CD I bought? Beetlejuice the musical.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Knifes. Pencils.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? uhh. Jeremy with sad song by scotty sire.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Ugandan knuckles, i know its dead but it’s still my favorite.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i love beetlejuice.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? idfk.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? I climbed up a shelf at the library to prove that I could be tall.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? no.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? im not answering this one.

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? uhh idk.

59: what’s your favorite myth? Any Japanese urban legend.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? uhh. no.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I once gave away some floppy hat that my step dad gave me.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Yes, pineapple.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Yes. I make sure they’re organized on genre and then in the genre it’s alphabetized.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? blue.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? My mom, but in order to do that, i’d have to die. :)

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Pink daises and sunflowers, small ones, plus some bits of lavender.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Happy, it’s nice.

68: what’s winter like where you live? no snow, it’s like 60 degrees.

69: what are your favorite board games? idk.

70: have you ever used a ouija board? ya.

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? green.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? No, i have an okay memory.

73: what are some of your worst habits? I bounce my leg around whenever i’m not moving, that or I flick my pencil around.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. big ass hole.

75: tell us about your pets! I only have one and she’s a blind kitty. She’s white with spots and has a fluffy tail.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? My homework.

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? uhh i really don’t care

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? I was given a flower by some girl during lunch, i never got her name though.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white, i didn’t get to choose cus I live in a dorm room.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. northern star.

82: are/were you good in school? ya i am.

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? idk.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? no.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? Ya i guess, and deadpool.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? no. not really.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? my neighbor totoro, kikis delivery service.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? not really.

89: are you close to your parents? I was close with my mom.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. tokyo. i don’t have to explain.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no where.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i don’t put cheese on my pasta.

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? Shaved under my lil floof bangs.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?  Jeremy.

95: what are your plans for this weekend?  Draw.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I update immediately.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INTJ - The Mastermind, libra, and huffle puff.

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? idk and no.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. no.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past, and for reasons.

[ahnsael]

I’m back at the hotel. I’m beat. But dang it, that was a great time.

I got to meet up with Andrew today (he texted me while I was on the Submarine Voyage and I didn’t see it until I got off, but the timing was perfect -- when I replied and told him where I was, it turned out that he was right on the other side of the Matterhorn). We watched the Tiki Room together before he went home to work on school stuff.

I didn’t run into anyone else I knew today (no random encounters with former bosses like yesterday, even though I kept my eyes open for one in Star Wars Land).

I’m rambling again, but this time I’ll include a cut so I don’t take up as much of your dashboard as I did this morning.

One thing I found amusing: after going to Oga’s Cantina, I decided to buy a DJ R3X Funko Pop (it was that or the DJ R3X bluetooth speaker, but...we’re talking $25 vs $150). I remembered seeing them earlier in the day, and I went to every store in Batuu trying to remember where I saw them. In the last store, I asked the cashier for help.

“Um, I think those are sold off-planet. We don’t have them on Batuu.”

(Which seems odd since that’s where DJ R3X actually is.)

I took the hint and realized that I must have seen them in the Star Trader, so I went there and sure enough, there they were.

But I wondered, if I really didn’t get it, if he would have been more specific. Like, I get that cast members are strongly encouraged to play roles in that part of the park (I overheard one lady talking about a friend’s ex-boyfriend who got his arms ripped off by Chewbacca for doing her wrong -- some people are INTO their roles, and I dig it), but...if I had been confused by the “we don’t sell them on Batuu” statement instead of putting together the clue, would he have sent me to Tomorrowland?

Ooh, a good hint could have been “I believe the travel company Star Tours services a planet where they are sold, maybe check the shop in their terminal if you happen to find yourself in that part of the galaxy.” That way he can keep it “in-universe” while being more specific.

Of course, he may have already thought of all that, and just didn’t need to use it because what he said was enough to remind me that I’d seen it in that other part of Disneyland that is full of Star Wars stuff, and I told him that I now knew where I had seen it.

This whole trip, cast members were great (with one singular exception, but not enough to mention it to anyone in authority -- she may have been having a bad day). Sure, there were cast members who weren’t 100% in it (but, honestly, I probably saw more great examples of great cast members in the past two days than I have in the past several trips combined); there were those I overheard talking about the party last night, or a dating issue that two security guards were talking about at the bag check, but...that stuff is going to happen all the time (and the guards did stop talking about it as I went through the metal detector and then gathered my things from the tray to re-stock my pockets with my wallet, phone, portable phone charger, charging cable, and the trading pins I brought, which I didn’t trade in the end because nothing I saw on cast member lanyards seemed “better” to me -- but I had a LOT squeezed into my pockets so I could avoid bringing a backpack or fanny pack so it took me a little time to get back together when I went through Security).

There was one cast member at the Temple of the Forbidden Eye today, though, that bugged me. We were in the film room and she was telling people to fill in all the available space (odd to me, since the FastPass merge point is at the temple entrance, and then I walked all the way to the atrium before running into the rest of the line inside, so it’s not like she was trying to get more people out of the hot sun -- as a guest I hear “fill in all available space” and I think “How many of these people are going to try to use this to cut ahead of other people in line?”).

She, in a very monotone voice, just kept repeating “Move forward, fill all available space, side by side, two by two, three by three.” I heard her repeat that, verbatim, at least 15 times within just a couple minutes. It was just annoyingly repetitive, especially with the same “ugh, why don’t these people get it?” tone that came across.

But, again, maybe she was just having an off day. 

And while I’ve had rides on the Submarine Voyage before, years ago before it was a Nemo thing, where a more accurate name would have been “body odor in a tube,” today was something else.

I mean, I’m in there for maybe 15 minutes with a handful of people who figured that since they were going underwater in a submarine today, they could skip the shower. And it was...like...GAG bad today. Even in the Tiki Room with Andrew, I was still coughing like I was trying to get the stench out of my throat (not HIS stench -- I detected no noticeable smell from him at all -- just from having breathed in the B.O. Cigar before that).

But I really feel for the pilot. They’re right in the middle, higher than the rest of us (and in comics, “stink lines” always go up, so I assume they do the same in real life). I hope they’ve got better ventilation up there than those of us under sea level have. Otherwise that’s got to be a miserable position to be in.

My portable phone charger worked like a charm, though. While I carried it and the phone in separate pockets most of the time, it was small enough that the two times I used it today, I could put it and the phone in the same pocket with my lightning cable connecting them.

When I got in line for the Submarine Voyage, I was down to about 30% battery (and this was at noon, about three hours after I got to the park). I got off the attraction at about 12:35, and I was already up to just over 80% (and the remaining battery in the charger was still 94%).

Granted, as I kept using the phone as it charged (I’d just bring the phone and charger out of my pocket together and hold them back to back as I used the phone), it was about 3 hours later that I unplugged it with the phone at 92%.

I recharged again later while I was in Oga’s, and got back up into the 80% range in the 45 minutes that I was in line for Oga’s and inside (I didn’t use my full 45-minutes of allowed time -- the sun was BEATING down on the line to get in, as I knew from having been out there, so I figured I’d help people get into the shade since I’d already had my two drinks).

Oh, and the Disneyland app LOST my Oga’s reservation.

Twice today it forgot everything about me. Even though I used its “touch ID” feature to sign in when needed, on one of those times I put my thumb on the main button and the app said I had entered the wrong password. I had to reset my password.

Then, even though I had seen the reservation for Oga’s on the app on my walk from Pirates (had to ride that one a second time) to Galaxy’s Edge, when I got there the reservation had completely vanished. There is a Guest Relations podium with a computer at the center of the three entrances to Galaxy’s Edge, so I stopped by there and said “This is probably going to sound like I’m making it up to get something I didn’t actually reserve, but...I had a reservation for this hard-to-get-into place and now it’s gone.”

(I didn’t think about the fact that I had an email verification...but at the same time, I also had email verifications for two other times since I modified the timing of the reservation twice this morning).

But the Guest Relations cast member assured me that if I did indeed have a reservation, then Oga’s would have my name, and I would be fine. And, sure enough, when I got there and explained, they asked for my last name and the time of my reservation, and verified that I did indeed have it.

But the Guest Relations guy said that they’ve had a lot of these types of glitches with the app.

I mean, it is a complicated app on their end -- keeping track of dining reservations and FastPasses for tens of thousands of people per day can’t be an easy feat. So I won’t say “Disney has got to be better than this” but...it would be nice. But still, the reservation wasn’t LOST lost, just lost on my end. They still made good on it, so I’m happy.

I can’t wait to do this again someday...but next time I may fly and pay for a shuttle to whatever hotel I stay at (this one isn’t bad; about a 20 minute walk to the main gate, but I could see maybe spending a little more to be closer next time). That drive into SoCal was rough, and I have to make it in the other direction tomorrow. It would probably be more expensive to fly, but would be an ease on driving stress.

I have zero regrets about the past couple of days. And maybe the date no-show was a blessing in disguise. I do like her, and it’ll be interesting the next time I talk to her to see whether she’s mad at me for not trying harder to get her here with me or whether she just actually blew me off, but...thinking back over the past couple of days (plus the day before, when I “met” her -- we had seen and talked to each other several times in the casino, but that was the first time that I spent that much time talking to her and ended up with the whole crush thing going on), either (1) I would have been moving too fast for her (she mentioned on that morning in the casino that she couldn’t believe how quickly I walked -- and I’m even faster in the park), or (2) she would have been annoyed at how I bounced around instead of taking the park in a clockwise/counter-clockwise direction (especially today -- I kept booking whatever the next available FastPass was until I had FastPassed everything, then I FastPassed some of them again), or (3) mad because she came all this way for me to call it an early both days of the trip (granted, I probably would have struggled through if she was keeping up, just out of pride, but still...whether that happened or not she would have gotten gross sweaty Kenny, not suave tie-wearing casino manager Kenny).

All in all, to the best of my recollection, here’s the list of rides I got in (not in the order I did them, but in the order that they’re listed on the Disney Wiki):

• Main Street Cinema (so glad they rescinded the “put merchandise in there” thing) • Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters (I didn’t score as well as I would have liked, especially since I KNOW the diamond-shaped targets are worth the most -- my aim just wasn’t good today and I got just over 100,000 points) • Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage (I had heard that the show building was drained and that the subs just ran through a trough of water in the middle of otherwise dry scenes -- and while that seemed true in some scenes, in others I could see the surface of the water in the distance; I’d love to see a “water map” of that show building). • HyperSpace Mountain (twice -- once as a walk-on in the standby line with a 3 minute wait, the second with a FastPass because I HAD to do that one again, it was amazing, and it put Smuggler’s Run to shame). • Star Tours (every scene after leaving the spaceport was new to me). There was no Rebel Spy on our flight. After the cast member left the cabin and we heard the gangplank move out of the way, there was a couple minutes where nothing happened, then we heard an announcement that it was “taking longer to load R2D2 than anticipated,” and then when the ride did start and the Stormtroopers stopped us to check for the rebel spy, the area of the screen that is usually a photo of someone in the StarSpeeder was just a blank rectangle (and we had no empty seats, so it’s not like the cast member hit some “choose random” button and the computer chose someplace at which nobody was sitting). Still better than Smuggler’s Run. • Okay, why does that Wiki still list “Innoventions” as a “current” attraction? It’s been the Star Wars Launch Bay for a while now (and is currently closed so I didn’t go in). Then again, it also lists the Starcade as a “current attraction,” so maybe that wasn’t the best site to link to. • Snow White’s Scary Adventures. This one pissed me off. Nothing about the attraction itself or the cast members therein (though I was disappointed to see that the brass “book” at the entrance has been worn down to the point where it’s almost impossible to read the indented words). But I was in line behind a family. One lady, two guys, two kids. The two guys were going out of their way to tell the kids (probably one three years old, the other four) that the Evil Queen was going to throw them in her dungeon. And throwing in evil laughs (which I’m afraid I may have prompted because I touched the brass apple at the entrance and elicited an evil laugh from the Evil Queen, which they were emulating). By the show scene in the queue (where there’s a spell book an fake stairs and a bunch of money people have thrown in there for some reason but I know it goes to charity so do your thing if you’re ever tempted to throw money in there) they were telling the boy that they were going to put him in there, even lifting him up the bars in the windows and telling him that they could fit him through and that he’d be trapped forever. The mom was trying to reassure the kids that it was “a baby’s ride” and that it wasn’t scary (meanwhile I’m thinking of the dungeon scenes, and the scary forest, and the fact that “Scary” is IN THE NAME OF THE ATTRACTION FOR A REASON and that the kids are going to get off hating that she lied to them, but MORE angry at the guys who instilled all this fear into the kids, and then MADE FUN OF THEM for being scared. I had hoped the kids would handle it okay, but when I got off (I was in the car behind them), they were still in the exit walkway and the boy was crying so hard after the ride that he was drooling. People don’t realize how well kids remember things like this (as I can say from personal experience). I saw the cast member (who hadn’t heard everything that I had heard) hesitate before letting them ride, but I can’t blame him -- that’s on who I’m guessing was the kid’s dad and uncle (I don’t know those relations for sure, but both of those guys were complete assholes). I hope the kid ends up okay -- that came across, to me, as a scarring experience for him, and I hope I’m wrong. • Pinocchio’s Daring Journey -- I thought I was filming this one, and was really proud of how I framed everything as the ride went on (I was in the front row, holding my phone on the front of the vehicle, and adjusting the angle to get everything JUST right -- then realized at the end that I had been in photo mode, not video mode. I took a photo of an empty part of the queue as the ride started (which was blurry so I deleted it), and got no video at all. • The Sleeping Beauty Castle walk-through -- a group passed me in the first set of scenes, and literally tried to open every single door in the castle. Fortunately for Disneyland, all of those doors were locked. The effects in there have come a long way since I was a kid. • It’s a Small World. I live-broadcasted this one on Facebook, then got a copyright violation. I thought that song was copyright free, as it was written by the Sherman Brothers and then not copyrighted since they wrote it for UNICEF as “a gift to the children of the world.” I contested it, but then I researched and it seems that maybe the song WAS copyrighted (and the copyright renewed). I sent Facebook a message telling me that they could re-mute the video  since I had already claimed that I had permission to use the song (since I thought nobody owned it -- maybe it’s just the attraction recording that is copyrighted?). It got more attention on Facebook (both from Facebook and from friends) than I thought it would. • Matterhorn Bobsleds - Only one side working still after part of the mountain fell off not long ago. The side that was working (the right side/Teacups side) was not the one I thought would be working; but there’s still scaffolding and scrim up next to the Main Street-facing waterfall (which is currently turned off) where the rockwork fell off • Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. I rode it twice. Both times were on train #4. I was just glad it wasn’t train #6. They have a new track and, I’m told, new trains since the accident (I rode it once after the crash that killed Marcello Torres on the old track but never rode it again until the track replacement because I didn’t feel safe). But train #6 was the one that crashed in 2003 (it crashed twice more after reopening from the initial crash, though those ones were minor incidents of trains bumping into each other at the station). I didn’t do “the goat trick.” • Mark Twain Riverboat - This was the attraction on which I closed out my trip. A nice, relaxing ride around the newly-shortened (at least “newly” since the last time I was here” around the Rivers of America. Another guest pointed out kids on the WRONG SIDE OF THE RAILING along the river, and the cast member acted quickly. Good show, guest who reported it and cast member aboard the boat who handled it. • Jungle Cruise - Don’t remember skipper’s name (I was half-asleep by this point). They were middling-to-good. Decent deliveries, not the best bote of guests (it’s spelled “bote” when it’s the Jungle Cruise). • Indiana Jones - I mentioned my beef with one particular cast member. Do the “air jets” that are supposed to signify things landing on you ever fool anyone? Even when the attraction opened, it was an obvious play. • Walt Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room -- saw this with Andrew (aka disfan here but he hasn’t posted in almost a year). My parents and lil sis were in Walt Disney World last month and the version they saw was shortened, mine was not. So I have that over them • Haunted Mansion Holiday -for the fist time (even though I had been here once since his re-debut) --- worked, and the effect is amazing. • Splash Mountain -- I tried to keep my phone dry. I succeeded (last time I was on this I broke my stepdad’s cell phone with water damage so I’n GOOD now since I kept my phone and charger dry), • Splash Mountain -- I did Single Rider and the cast member told me to go over a bridge that was roped of. My first time separating/disconnecting ropes since I was a cast member.

[game-boy-pocket]

Breath of the wild currently sits as my favorite 3D Zelda, in order for the sequel to be my new favorite, the bare minimum it has to do is have a little more variety in Baddies, and make Ganondorf chew the scenery anytime he's on screen.

But here are the other things I would like to make it a 10/10 game for me, I don't expect all of this to happen but it would really be nice if any of them did.

- please give us the master cycle zero again, this time in the base game, with upgrades you can unlock. Mounted weapons, built-in glider, more fuel efficiency, and maybe the ability to customize the paint job with gathered materials like you could your clothes.

- more Mobility options. I hear they cut the hookshot out of botw because it remove the Obstacle of climbing. That's all well and good but I feel it would be reasonable to make it a mid-game reward. Would also be nice to have a new glider, one that we can do a nose dive to gain speed and pull up to slow down but gain altitude, sort of like Batman's cape in the Arkham games.

- more than one tile set for shrines and dungeons. I'm not sure what approach they're taking with this game, whether it be the same as breath of the wild, or something a little more traditional you Zelda, if the world is as big as it was in breath of the wild, I would imagine shrines are still going to be part of the game. Shrines would be a lot more interesting though if they didn't all look the same. I think it's unreasonable to expect every Shrine to have a unique theme, but if there was just a pool of several themes that could be used for the shrines it would make them a lot more exciting to explore.

- more background info on the yiga clan. Something tells me that we still don't fully understand their motives in allying themselves with Ganon.

- bosses that don't all look the same. Pretty self-explanatory. And more Overworld bosses while we're at it. I'd like aquamentus to come flying down from the sky, or dodongo to burrow up from the ground.

- caves. Good Lord if there was one thing missing from the exploration of the last game it was the lack of tunnels, Caverns, hidden grottos, Etc. Nearly every 3D Zelda before it was littered with this stuff.

- if they absolutely must we use the same Overworld from breath of the Wild, I want some significant changes. More settlements, repaired structures, and random events would be nice instead of encountering the same things in fixed positions. Overworld bosses, yiga Clan posing as Travellers, Travelers under attack, wandering shop keeps, they all only ever appeared in the same locations. And it would be nice to encounter something surprising once in a while. Besides skeletons anyway.

Now these are all things that I feel are reasonable to expect, I won't be to let down if I don't get them. I don't really expect them either, most of the buzz has always been about whether or not a Zelda would be playable, so I'm not sure if the developers know what fans want in the gameplay Department. I could personally take it or leave it if she was, I'd only be interested if she had significantly different abilities from link. I've always wanted to play a more Magic based character in Zelda.

Anyway here's my pipe dreams.

- completely new Overworld outside of Hyrule, where nothing is in ruin and all structures are standing, save for maybe a few patches of old lands

- crafting. Something I've been pretty indifferent to until very recently, I actually like the durability system, but I feel it would be much better if you could create and repair weapons and other items with your gathered materials

- a second continent to explore. This one is definitely asking a bit much, and it's pretty dumb, but every time I explore a huge game world that has an ocean on the border I'm always keeping my fingers crossed that there will be a ship that I can board to sail to a second continent. It doesn't even need to be as big as the first, it just has to have a few points of interest on it but make it worth the trip. There's several islands you cannot visit in breath of the wild that you see on the horizon. I would settle for even a visit to those.

- an Evergreen post game. When you defeat the final boss, and complete all the shrines, and get your tunic of the wild, the only thing left in the game to do is grab all the korok seeds, which isn't very fun, especially once you're down to that last hundred. I want there to be a reason to keep playing after the credits roll.

- a legitimate flying machine would be pretty nice. Could make for a cool hundred percent completion reward.

-Portable music player, with a bunch of great remixes of past Zelda game music. It's a pretty silly idea, I know, but I'll be honest exploring to breath of the wild music put me to sleep sometimes. But if the Overworld music was more robust and had Say the original theme song playing the whole time, it could probably get on my nerves, so I think a playlist of Zelda's Greatest Hits would be a better compromise. Plus I can turn it off if I don't like it.

Any of those things would make the game a dream come true for me. However, as optimistic as I am about this game, I do have concerns. And this is what might break my enthusiasm.

- a really intrusive gimmick. I think this game is all but guaranteed to have a new gimmick, given that the trailer seems to imply this glowing arm thing attaches itself to link. Gimmicks can be bad as well as good, so we'll wait and see what happens with this.

- a linear game. I don't think this is going to happen, but my heart would be completely broken if they went back to the old style of railroading you into a very specific order of events.

- the villain is just a growling monster. I'm excited to see Ganondorf again, but I have a horrible feeling he might just stay a groaning corpse throughout the entire game. The Zelda team give me the impression that they are not very interested in the character of Gannon. Not in the way that some fans are. This will be the first cannon appearance of Ganondorf since 2006, my heart can't take it if he ends up being treated an obstacle or a natural disaster again, instead of an actual character in the game.

- Exposition out the butt. I became so incredibly disenchanted with Zelda when Skyward Sword came out. That game had just so much talking in it. I wasn't very fond of the story, but even putting the story aside, there were so many characters to lead you around by the nose. It wasn't just fi. It was everyone in the game. The kikwi, the mogma, forgettable fish things, the gorons, everyone had to bring the game to a screeching halt to tell Link what should it be immediately obvious. Or to warn him that there are bokoblins ahead that we already knew about. Again, I'm not sure this will come to pass, specifically since breath of the wild came about because people complained about this kind of thing in Skyward Sword. And thank goodness for it, albw and botw together renewed my love for Zelda after it was starting to fade.

Anyway, that's what I want out of the next Zelda. Sorry for the wall of text, just wanted to get this out of my system, cuz I don't have anybody to geek out about Zelda with.

[inazumafocus]

Tagged by the sweet sweet @shawn-and-aiden-frost-9 thank you dear❤️

Nickname: Nene! I’m Nene everywhere, even in real life, because my brother started calling me that when he was little and it’s usually the nick for the name Irene

Height: *deep sigh* 1.56cm yeah I am 22 and very smol, yeah, they usually think I’m 14 and I know I should be happy but IM NOT WHEN I WANT TO WATCH UNDERAGE MOVIES AND THE ASK IF I’M ABOVE 14!!

Time: 01:20

Favourite song/band: gosh mmhh well one song that is forever in my fave list is “Amsterdam” by Imagine Dragons and rn I love the Måneskin, go check them out they’re italian but sing in english too and DAMN THEY’RE GOOD! But my fave artist EVER is Adam Lambert❤️

Song stuck in my head: “Royal Doulton Music Hall” from Mary Poppins Returns. That movie was sssso good and the songs were amazing and so damn catchy yo! Plus “Zero” by Imagine Dragons from the new Wreck It Ralph movie!

Last movie I watched: well when I started this test it was SPIDERMAN INTO THE SPIDERVERSE! (GO. WATCH IT. NOW. A masterpiece of animation, a diverse cast, a really good plot and awesome characters! Gogogo) but rn is the new Wreck It Ralph which is also super amazing with a RAD DESIGN AND REALLY DELICATE THEMES TREATED FUCKING WELL CHECK THAT OUT TOO MAN!

Last thing I googled: “blue screen of death 85” because I needed THAT as a reaction gif LMAO

Other blogs: ugh I have so many but I’m gonna tag my ask blogs @asktheb4andafuro @askinazumastuckanddigizuma  and my aesthetic one @extranaestheticinjection (pls go check that one out if you want/have time🙏🏻💕)

Do I get asks: mmmhh yeah I have some affectionate but only when I do an “ask thingy” I don’t really get asks outside of it and it’s a bit of a bummer because I LOVE to talk!

Why did I choose this url: because, as I mentioned before, I love to talk and I wanted a blog to do that but everything would’ve been about Inazuma. Therefore Inazuma (theme) + focus (as in “a focus only on Inazuma). Plus a funny thing: my bro runs a secondary blog about a video game and its called @fablefocus  so I just went and said “yo what if I made a focus blog just like you!” But I’m not serious like her, I love to create memes and shitposts and those are a focus on Inazuma as well ahahaha

Following: ...58. Look I’m kinda picky but I love everyone really

Dream trips: Japan, Oregon (and other places in America as well) and Cornwall but I really just want to travel ALLLL over the world, it’s my big dream

Favourite food: everything that has fish in it. Gods do I love fish mmmm- plus donuts!!

Instruments: uuhh kinda did piano when I was a kid but never stuck to it 🤷🏻‍♀️ so none

Hair colour: original was a dark blonde(?) but I dye it black bc I love it

Languages: italian and english!

Most iconic songs: mh for me? This is kinda dumb but the one song that really always makes me sing and dance is the Digimon Adventure Opening, the italian one ahahah, it will forever be part of me since it’s mu childhood

Random fact: I tend to get more depressed during winter, that’s why I don’t fancy those cold cold months...

Zodiac: Virgo (but I have so few things in common with my Sun ugh, I feel much more alike to my Moon in Scorpio)

Nationality: Iiiitaaaaliiiaaaannnnn, from Rome to be even more specific~

Favourite fruit: apricot and melon, gotta love those sweet summer delights

Seasons: SUMMER FOR THE REASON UNDER “random fact” also then I can wear shorts and CROP TOPS ARE MY L I F E plus vacation and the sea and summer nights and HHHHHH I LOVE

Scent: rain, any body of water, the air before and after the rain, delicate vanilla, delicate cinnamon, books (they really have to be mild scents or my nose will die! I can’t even pass by the detergents’ sector at the supermarket or entering a Home Decore shop and Lush is just an agony when I need a bathbomb ;u;)

Colour: black, purple, used blue jeans(?), ALL THE PASTELS, ALL OF ‘EM, but also neon lime and neon fucsia bc I’m a walking paradox

Animal: uuhm dogs and really all the animals? But not insects. Never the bugs. Only bumble bees are cute.

Coffee, tea or hot cocoa: ehm none- I don’t really drink many stuff, just water, coke and some fruit juice heh

Average hours of sleep: ...five at best? Six at times, eight/ten only on vacations- listen I have a fucked up sleep schedule

Favourite fictional characters: AAAAAAAAAAAA SO MANY!! Kidou Yuuto, Fudou Akio, Kaemaru Ichirouta and Afuro Terumi from Inazuma Eleven; Agon, Rui, Jumonji and Hiruma from Eyeshield21; Nabiki Tendo from Ranma 1/2; Nico di Angelo and Reina from Percy Jackson; Monoma Neito and Iida Tenya from BNHA; Yamato, Sora, Taichi and Ken from Digimon AAAAA LETS STOP I LOVE AND ADOPT TOO MANY KIDS I DONT WANT TO CHOOSE

Year in which this blog was created: few months ago tbh, 2018 :’)

Hogwarts house: Slytherin, the real kind not the stereotype thank you very much. I’m kind and friendly but sneaky as well and I’d kill for my friends FUCK STEREOTYPES

Favourite artists: uuhhhh too many tbh, just gonna tag some I’m friends with hejdkdkwlsk bc I don’t wanna annoy anybody @reaversgloriousmanbutt-art @ygreczed @zibiremu-ert @xxlovelyrose95xxartbook PLUS I LOVE VAN GOGH AND BOLDINI

aaand taaggiiing @reaversgloriousmanbutt @zibiremu @miyabinopenguin @midorikawawas @funips @des-det-fo if yall want ofc <3

[eastcoastsummer]

A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo

[yuniesan]

Matters of the Heart - Chapter Seven

Matters of the Heart (Rucas Adult AU)

Summary: Lucas worked hard all of his life protecting his family. During the day he works at his security firm, at night he runs a bar in New York with his best friend and his sister, making sure that no one interferes in his business, or assaults his customers.

Riley thought she had everything she could have wished for cool friends a boyfriend who cared too much and loving parents, except she didn’t know what she wanted from her life. Her life never felt like it was hers. She saw graduate school as a way to learn more about the world and about herself.

Until they met and realized there was much more to the world than what they had thought they knew.

Chapters [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

A/N: So much FLUFF!!!!!! also I hit 9K with this chapter and I’m happy about that because I did it without angst.... well not much angst.

Chapter 7 – Meddling Friends, aren’t really meddling

 Maya was angry at her brother she couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t listen to her about how much him and Riley would be good together instead he couldn’t get his head out of his ass and ask her out. Now Riley was dating some random person they knew nothing about and he was just sitting on his ass working. She had asked Josh about who the person was but even he didn’t know what was happening. She didn’t want her brother to lose a chance with someone who would be good for him. She wanted him to have something special after everything that had happened.

After her conversation with Josh after Riley had rushed out of the bar a few nights before she couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened to Lucas all of these years. The memory of what he was like in high school came flooding back and they were painful to remember because there had been moments when she thought she would lose him to his anger. Instead he closed himself off and started fighting who ever bullied someone else. He was always protecting someone, especially her and her mother but in the end he let himself get lost in the mix.

He dated for the sake of it, so that he wouldn’t worry their mother, but he never clicked with anyone, Zay thankfully became his friend but that was it. She didn’t want him to lose himself all over again, she wanted him to live. She knew in her heart that Riley was that for him, a new start and a chance at real love except now he had gone and messed that up too.

Walking into the bar she slammed his office door open making him glare at her, which didn’t faze her in the slightest because she had seen that glare growing up. She didn’t care what he thought even as she stomped her way over to his desk.

“If you break the door I’m docking it from your paycheck,” Lucas said to her but she ignored him and slammed her hands down on the table.

“Seriously Lucas what the hell,” she said to him. “Why can’t you ever listen to me Lucas,” she yelled out and he just rolled his eyes at her and continued to look at the paperwork.

“I don’t listen to you because I have work to do and if someone had done their shift last night I wouldn’t have to deal with changing the payroll around to make up for it,” he said to her as he shifted through the papers. “Maya it’s eight in the morning, I still have to be in the office at ten today, can you please not do this right now?”

“No,” she said crossing her arms. “I have to be at school later and I work tonight so we’re going to do this now.”

Maya walked over to the other side of the desk and pulled Lucas’s chair away from his desk and pushed him towards the window before staring him down.

“Listen,” she said looking at her brother. “I’ve watched you date around, I’ve watched you get into fights and all those times I’ve never cared because I know what you’ve been through because I was there too, but damn it Lucas this time I’m getting involved.”

“And why now?”

“Because Lucas I want you to be happy,” she said feeling her heart breaking thinking of all of the times he had stood between her and her father. She wanted him to have a future that’s not marred by what happened in his past. “Lucas you’re my big brother, I just want you to have something that’s not work, that’s not taking care of everyone, something that is… well something that’s good.”

“Don’t worry Maya,” he said with a sigh. “When I find it I’ll tell you.”

“I hope so because honestly I don’t think you can do it yourself,” she said before kissing him on his head. “Plus mom would be pretty angry if I get married before you do, since she’s been fighting for your happiness the longest.”

“I know,” he said as he hugged his sister. “Just remember that if Josh hurts you I’ll kick his ass.”

“Yeah I know, and Lucas,” she said as she pulled away. “Steal Riley from this person she’s seeing because honestly I think that you two would be really good together.”

Lucas couldn’t help but laugh at what he was hearing, his sister was telling him to force Riley to break up with himself. Except he knew that Maya didn’t know that he was the one who had been with Riley at the movies the night before but it was interesting to watch Maya freak out over it all. He would tease her if it weren’t for the fact that he needed to finish working before heading out for the day.

“Listen,” he said looking at his sister. “How about you worry about the trip, and forget about my love life for now. I’m swamped with work and I really don’t have time right now, it’s a busy time at the office and even busier here at the bar.”

“Fine,” she grunted at him, he knew the fight wasn’t over but for now he was fine with the stalemate they were headed towards. “I’ll see you tonight you workaholic freak of a brother of mine.”

“See you tonight, and say hi to Josh for me,” he said to her as a way of meeting her in the middle.

He worked for another hour and a half before heading towards his company office, thinking along the way of how to go on a date with Riley where no one they knew was bound to find them. It was hard especially since they lived in a city like New York. There was always a chance of being caught, even if they tried to be careful.

Walking into the office he waved a quick hello at Darby, grabbing his messages before walking into his office. Riley was standing at his desk her back turned towards him while she placed files in order on the desk, taking a sip of her iced coffee and mumbling to herself words that he couldn’t hear.

“You know,” he said startling her as he put his arms around her waist. “You’re very cute when you do that.”

He could feel her skin heat up as he gave her a quick kiss on the lips, she tasted like her favorite coffee and smelled like heaven to him. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to get over the smell and taste of her, it was burned into his brain. They hadn’t gone pass the kissing stage of their relationship and he realized that he didn’t care, he enjoyed those moments and wouldn’t push for anything more until she was ready for it. He was happy just to learn the little quirks that she had and the feel of her face as he rubbed his thumb over her cheek. He hadn’t realized how much he enjoyed something so simple until he met Riley.

“So my sister was yelling at me this morning,” he mentioned once he pulled away from her missing the warmth of her body against his. “She demanded that I go and break you and your mystery boyfriend apart… too bad that would mean that I would lose my morning kisses, and those talks we like to have when no one is looking.”

“It would be funny to watch you kick your own ass,” she said setting down the last of the papers. “Except that would have to wait until after your client meeting this morning.”

“Forget them,” he said as he pulling her close again just to smell the strawberry shampoo she had used on her hair. “All that matters is that we’re together and no one knows.”

“Yeah except this is a big account and you can’t forget them, but hey we can go on a date this weekend if you want.”

“That’s too far away, what about tonight?” he whined, and realized that he had never done that with anyone else, not even his mother.

“Having dinner with Josh tonight,” she said as she pulled him towards the couch. “How about tomorrow?”

“Dinner with the Levy account… the day after?”

“Sorry shopping with Isadora for the trip.”

“Well it was nice knowing you,” he said with a huff, when had they gotten so busy that they didn’t have time to go out. “Why are we so busy?”

“We work, we have friends, and no one knows we’re together so they make plans thinking we’re single,” she said as she put her head on his shoulder. “How about the day we’re supposed to leave for the trip I say I have to work late, and you tell everyone that you have paperwork to finish and we’ll go on a date that night.”

“That sounds diabolical, especially since they’ll all be out of the city probably planning ways for us to be together… but it sounds alright with me,” he said as he pulled her hair out of the clip she had on and ran his fingers through the waves. “I’ll volunteer to drive you and we can have a nice quiet date at my place, I can cook, we can watch a movie and cuddle on the couch.”

“Ohhh, I’ve never been to your place, I wonder if you have enough time to take down all of those posters of half-naked women before I get there?” she said teasing him before smiling and standing up.

The smile was what was going to kill him, because he knew she was joking but he also knew that when she smiled it warmed him from the inside. It was always zero to sixty whenever she was around and he didn’t know how to thinking of it other than being near her all of the time and seeing what she would say or do next.

The day went faster than Riley expected, the moment Lucas came in her mind had become a blur, it was fun and interesting, while intense all at the same time. She didn’t know if she was getting whiplash half the time but for the first time in her life it was nice to not have to really think about anything other than being herself. Then the moment the day ended everything that happened felt like it was a world away especially since she was going to have dinner with Josh.

In her heart she hopped that he would have taken her seriously especially when it came to the fact that she wanted to move forward instead of living in the past. The knowledge that her father was Josh’s brother was always there, but she didn’t want to dwell too much in her past for now. She had meant what she had told everyone, she wanted to find her own way and if the memories came back she would talk to them about it but for now it was up to her to live.

So when she walked into the Italian restaurant that Josh had asked her to meet up at she wasn’t expecting much outside of their usual friendly talks. Josh was sitting alone in a nearby table looking at a menu while tapping his fingers on the back of the menu.

“Hey Josh,” she said as she sat down in front of him. He gave her a small smile before putting the menu down.

“Hey Riley,” he said looking at her for the first time. It had been strange for so long between them because she had always sensed that Josh had been looking for a piece of her father in her and never found it. Now it feels as if he were seeing her, as Riley Matthews for the first time without thinking about their shared connection.

“What’s good here?” she asked picking up the menu but Josh just shrugged before smiling.

“I figured we could share a pizza like when we were kids and just talk,” he said, and she knew he had somethings to say that she would have to deflect especially since he knew that she had been at the movie theater the night before.

“What does this talk entail?” she questioned him because she wasn’t going to be able to get away from the interrogation that was coming her way.

“Many things, such as your life, school, your job… that guy I saw you with at the movies yesterday,” he mumbled the last part and she almost missed it. Riley could feel her face heat up, she knew that he had seen her, she knew it would come up, but she didn’t know how she was going to talk about any of it just yet.

“You know Maya’s upset, she swears that you and Lucas would have the romance of a lifetime,” he continued while tapping his fingers on the table which only made he nervous. “Which makes me feel inadequate sometimes, but I also know that it’s just her way of wanting her brother to have something good.”

“What does that have to do with me?” she deflected in the only way she knew how, but drawing the conversation back to Josh.

“Well she’s upset because she swears that Lucas missed his chance with you because you’re going out on dates with someone I don’t even know.”

“Well it’s my life isn’t it?” she said looking directly at him hoping that he couldn’t see that she was trying to keep her secret to herself. “I want to live a little for once so that means I get to go out on dates. Josh it’s not a foreign concept I’m allowed to have a life.”

He sighed before running his hands through his hair. “I know Riles, it’s just weird for me.”

“What is?”

“You keeping secrets of any kind, you used to tell me everything, now you’re not telling me anything about this guy. I need to know who to give the shovel talk to so that I know that he won’t hurt you.”

Riley sighed running her fingers over the cover of the menu, “Josh, it’s not a secret if you’ve seen us, but I guess I just want something that’s just mine for now. The moment I tell you about him, I lose that,” she didn’t think that she would lose much but for now it was something she wanted to hold onto.

“I guess I never thought the day would come where you would keep something from everyone, but I learned the other day that you’ve done that all along.”

His words hurt even though they were the truth, she had kept somethings from them for so long. They never knew she went to therapy, or that she had tried for so long to get back something that she knew was impossible to get when her mind was so messed up. She kept those parts of her life to herself because she hadn’t wanted to hurt them, but at the same time she had pushed them to stop talking about her parents and she knew it hurt them.

“I’ve never kept much from you or Shawn, it’s why I never had a lock on my diary growing up, but somethings I guess I don’t want to share,” she said trying to reach out to him and hoping that he understood. “It has nothing to do with either one of you.”

Josh looked at her his eyes holding a sadness in them, but she knew he understood. The waiter came and took their order, they didn’t smile, they didn’t talk again, instead they just sat there in silence waiting for their food. Both thinking over what they had been talking about and what had been said a few nights before. When the pizza came, steam wafting from the top as the smell of cheese, meat and vegetables mixed in the air around them. Riley felt herself relax again, this was normal, they’ve done it a million times before.

“Let’s not talk about this anymore for now,” she said as the pulled a slice off the tray, the cheese stretching out still connected to the other pieces of the pie. “I promise when I know that this relationship is serious I’ll come to you, for now let me just learn to date since the last relationship I was in was with Charlie and we all know how that turned out.”

“Okay,” he said with a small smile. “Remind me to kick Charlie, since I never got the chance to do it when you two were together. He deserves it for using you like that.”

“No, leave him alone, he’s the only one I would give a pass like that too because he is one of my best friends,” she said to him shocked since she knew Josh liked that Charlie was her friend. “Anyway tell me about you and Maya, you know… since she’s fighting so hard for her brother to date me.”

At the mention of his girlfriend, Josh’s eyes lit up and Riley knew he was a goner for the short blonde with an attitude and a heart of gold. Riley knew at that moment that Josh would ask Maya to marry him in the future and it was adorable especially since she’s never seen him smile and blush so much in her life.

“Well, she’s great, the other day she showed me this painting that she’s doing for her class and it was incredible, it was New York except the buildings were completely black and the only thing that was in color was the way the lights from the buildings change the night sky.”

“Maybe I’ll see if one day,” she said when a thought came to her head. “Maybe she should draw you next, since you two seem to hang out around each other so much lately.”

At those words Josh blushed harder and Riley wished that she hadn’t brought it up. “She asked me last week, we discussed it, but I don’t know just yet.”

“Eww, I think I just learned a little too much about your relationship,” she wanted to laugh at this but for some reason it gave her too many thoughts especially when it came to someone she was so close to.

“Not in the nude you freak of nature,” he said making her laugh.

They finally started to talk to one another in the easy way they had done so in the past, and it was something she didn’t want to lose so quickly because it meant losing her friendship with him. So she stuck to safe topics, nothing that would bring around her relationship with Lucas.

“You know I think something is really off with Lucas,” Zay said as he started closing up behind the bar. Making notes of what he needed to bring up and restock. “He’s working harder than normal but I’ve never seen him so happy.”

At those words Maya’s head shot up from where she was counting her tips, they were the last two people left in the bar other than Charlie and Josh who were both helping them close up faster so they could all go home.

“What do you mean?” Charlie said as he walked over to Zay with a bucket and a rag that he had used to clean up the tables.

“Well I’m sure you’ve seen it right, those little smiles he makes when he’s on his phone in the mornings,” Zay said directly at Maya who was paying closer attention now that Lucas’s name had been brought up. “I caught him whistling the other day, and while I find it weird, he was smiling at himself while making a sandwich.”

“It could have been a good sandwich,” Josh said as he sat down next to Maya taking her hand in his. Zay thought it was cute, especially since he had known Maya for so long and she normally didn’t get to handsy with her boyfriends.

“Nah he’s right,” Charlie said as he poured the dirty water out into the sink before running the dirt down the drain with the tap water. “I noticed it too when I was over there the other day. He seemed chipper, and I’ve only known him for the last month.”

“Now that you mention it,” Maya said as if something had struck her. “He’s been doing his paperwork for this place in the mornings instead of right after work.”

“And he’s been getting back later than usual which must be messing with his sleep schedule,” Zay added, it felt like they were trying to solve the mystery of Lucas, who had all of a sudden changed personality.

“Maybe he’s dating someone?” Josh said making everyone stop what they’re doing, the room was so quiet all you could hear was the steady breathing of the four people sitting around.

“No,” Maya said to Josh and Zay knew why, she was a part of the Lucas needs to be with Riley train. “He can’t be dating any one, he would have brought them to the bar so that we could decide if they were good enough for him.”

“Maya,” Josh said looking at his girlfriend. “Maybe it’s time to let go of this scheme you have going on to get your brother to date Riley.”

“It’s not a scheme, I really do think that they would be good together,” she said sighing as she collected her tips and put them into a small pouch she carried around. “I think I just have to lock them up together in a closet and they’ll see it.”

“She would do it too,” Zay said as he joined them at the table, Charlie not far behind him. “Any news on Riley’s mystery man?”

“No,” Josh said and Zay swore he saw a hint of something in the older man’s eyes. “She wouldn’t tell me anything at dinner the other night. It’s weird because we talk about everything but honestly I think I just want her to be happy so I’m letting it go for now.”

“But why,” Charlie asked Josh and Zay was curious too. “Why would she keep this from any of her friends?”

“She wants to have something normal… or at least that’s what she told me,” Josh said and they all knew that considering how Riley’s life has been up until now it was normal for her to want to keep something to herself.

“But what about Lucas,” Maya whined which made Zay smile. He knew Maya wanted what was best for her brother no matter what and for her Riley was that. “I don’t want him with someone else, most of the other girls he’s dated over the years turned out to be crazy and I’m not in the mood for that.”

“And we all know Riley’s not crazy,” Zay added with a smile. “Or at least I hope not.”

“She’s not babe, don’t worry,” Charlie said rubbing Zay’s back. “She’s a bit of a workaholic, but she likes to help people and makes the best mac and cheese even though she likes to put ketchup in it which is weird, and she takes care of her friends.”

“Ketchup on mac and cheese?” Maya said looking over at them with disgust. “That’s just gross.”

“Yeah but it’s the only really weird thing that she does so we let it pass,” Charlie said to Maya as he laid his head on Zay’s shoulder. Zay found the closeness comforting, they had learned to dance around each other for weeks now, slowly learning each other’s quirks, likes and dislikes, and the closeness was now something he constantly craved.

“Who cares about that maybe we just need a better plan,” Maya said turning her attention back to getting her brother a happy ending.

“Maya,” Josh said as if he were trying to reign her in. “Let them live, if they’re meant for each other it will happen, but meddling like we’re the Scooby gang isn’t going to make a difference if it just causes them to pull away from one another.”

“I know it’s just that they deserve at shot at being together, and I hate not being right about this it just bugs the shit out of me.”

At that the three guys burst out laughing while Maya pouted in her seat, Zay remembered the scheming person Maya had been in high school, she was always up to something so it was nice to see that side of her again.

“Fine,” Zay said looking over at his childhood friend. “Let’s make up a plan, how about since the rest of us are coupled up, we go with the locking them up together plan.”

“How do we do that?” she asked but turned to Josh with a pleading stare, Josh was looking at them with a questioning glare. “Josh I know she’s your niece but don’t mess this up for me please.”

“Fine, but nothing too crazy,” Josh said caving into Maya’s puppy dog eyes.

“Well if I remember correctly there were four rooms at the cabin,” Charlie said before taking out a piece of paper and drawing out the floor plan to the house. “Three of them had kings sized beds, and one had two double beds, but Farkle told me that his parents had renovated the place so I think they’re all the same now.”

“Is this room really that far from the rest?” Zay said looking at the plan that Charlie had drawn up.

“Yeah, it’s Riley’s favorite room, the last time we went she had stood at the window and stared out at the lake for an hour as the sun set,” Charlie said before the both of them looked at one another. “She’s going to want to be in that room.”

“So we’ll put her and Lucas in there,” Zay added with a smile.

“Wait so does this mean that I get to lock them into the room together?” Maya asked smiling at the group.

“No Maya,” Josh said to her giving her a small smile. “No locking just let them have the room and if anything happens I can still get in there and kick his ass.”

“So you’re going along with this plan,” Maya said her eyes lighting up at the prospect of being able to do what she had been planning all along.

“Fine, if it makes you happy,” Josh said throwing his hands in the air before settling them on her shoulders. “But you’re going to be the ones who suffer her wrath when she finds out.”

“That’s fine with me,” she said before they turned back to planning out the trip.

For some reason Zay wasn’t sure if what they were planning was a good idea or a horrible idea, but if it meant that Maya would stop planning in the end it didn’t matter. If Lucas and Riley ended up together because of this and they found out, it could either end the relationship or cause a rift between all of their friendships.

The rest of the two weeks leading up to their mini vacation was filled with paperwork and business dinners for Lucas, he didn’t have time for anything else even if he tried. Riley had been pushing to have everything done before the long weekend so he was working harder than normal which set up the pretense for the both of them that they would drive up together later that night. This only made Maya insufferable since she was pushing even harder for the two of them to get together.

Lucas was never sure of what to think about his sister’s plans, or anything and honestly he didn’t have the time to deal with it either so he worked. Riley was always running around, confirming documents, getting them to where they needed to be. While he talked with clients, explained to them what the company did and made sure that they signed the paperwork needed for efficiency. He hadn’t realized how well they worked together until the day they all had to leave for the cabin, because Riley had made sure that everything was in place before they left. It was nearly nine at night before they finished up, Maya had sent him a message that the group had arrived at the cabin and to hurry up and get there.

“Are you tired?” Lucas asked looking over at Riley who was still buzzing around with energy.

“Not really,” she said shrugging her shoulders. “But I drank about three cups of coffee so I’ll probably crash really hard later.”

“Come here,” he said pulling her towards the couch in the office. “I think you’ve done enough, we’re ahead of schedule for almost everything now so you can relax.”

Her shoulders slumped as if all the energy she had stored up had finally drained out of her, so he pulled up her legs and took off her shoes. She groaned the moment they had come off and he had nothing but sympathy for her. He couldn’t understand how she was able to do everything she did in those stilettos, and he knew her feet ached. Her bare legs on his lap he couldn’t help but rub them, slowly squeezing the ball of her foot which made her sigh.

“We’re not going to make it to my apartment in time to watch a movie, but we could order take out and eat here before we leave,” he said as a suggestion, but all he got from Riley was a nod, he couldn’t help but smile at how quickly she relaxed around him. “Do you have any request?”

“Sweet and sour pork,” she said as she pushed herself back on the couch. “Dumplings… and maybe some rice.”

“Okay,” he said pulling out his phone with his free hand while he continued to rub her foot. Putting the order in with his favorite Chinese food restaurant was easy, he had an open account with them and he tipped very well on days where he had to work late and he was their last customer.

“You know,” she said once he hung up. “There’s a hot spring near the cabin, if we want some alone time before we get there we could stop by and take in a quick soak.”

He couldn’t help but smile, “You’re only saying that because you’re tired and need something to relax you.”

“Yes, but also because we didn’t get the chance to have a proper date in the last two weeks. I want some time with you that doesn’t involve either one of us working, or dodging questions from our friends and family.”

“Alright, I guess we could change into our bathing suits before we leave and stop there on the way, but wouldn’t they find it suspicious if we show up soaking wet?”

“Doubt they’ll be awake by the time we get there,” she said pulling her leg away from his lap and sitting up next to him.

When the food came they ate in silence, Lucas pulled up a movie on his tablet and they had their impromptu date in the office instead of his apartment. Watching a Disney movie because they couldn’t decide on anything and instead just went with something they both knew. He couldn’t help but smile every time Riley yawned next to him, but they still had a drive ahead of them and they needed to change. So he sent her off to the bathroom to change her clothes while he changed in the office.

Once they were on the road Riley was asleep, she had given him directions to the hot springs along with directions to the cabin, but the tiredness overtook her and he spent the two-and-a-half-hour drive looking over at her sleeping face and finding it adorable. She smiled in her sleep, and if he said something to her she would blush and it warmed his heart. He almost decided against stopping at the hot spring but she had woken up just as he made the turn off from the highway.

“Sorry,” she said as she tried to make herself look presentable. To Lucas she was the most beautiful person in the world.

“Don’t worry, you were tired, hell I’m tired but I can last longer than you I’m pretty sure of that,” he said knowing of the sleepless nights he sometimes had when he was working too much. His skin bubbled with energy because he needed to get everything done in time, that was before Riley was there helping him, before anyone knew that he worked harder than they saw.

Riley couldn’t believe she had fallen asleep, they should have been talking the whole time, but she had had a paper due while helping Lucas as his assistant, and every once and a while getting a million questions from her friends about the mystery guy she was seeing. She hadn’t slept a lot in the last few days and she was tired and in need of a dip in the springs to get her body to relax enough for her to sleep without freaking out that she was late when it came to everything she was doing.

“That’s the turn off for the hot springs,” she said pointing out the small road that led away from where they were headed. The cabin was further down the main road but she wanted to relax.

“Excited?” Lucas asked quirking his eyebrow at her and she couldn’t help but smile at him.

“We haven’t really had a moment alone outside of work, and I’ve been busy with school, so yeah I am excited to spend some time with my boyfriend,” she said and she couldn’t help but blush the moment the word left her mouth. They had discussed it before, but sometimes it felt so new to her that just mentioning it made her turn red.

Lucas pulled the car over and took her hand, giving her a quick kiss on the lips, “Let’s go and relax and we can talk about how you like it when you call me your boyfriend. Because honestly I love calling you my girlfriend.”

At the sound of that word her heart sped up and she could swear that somewhere in her mind she knew that this was a once in a lifetime moment, almost as if something was telling her this was what she had been waiting for but she didn’t want to go down that road just yet. So instead she pulled out a towel and took his hand and pulled him towards the spring.

The place was quiet, lit up only by the moonlight, but the steam rising from it made it warm enough that they didn’t have to worry about being cold. It reminded her of that night weeks before where he had taken her to the beach and she ran into the ocean without thinking about anything. Just the thought of being free and going forward. Riley took off her shirt and pants, revealing a two-piece bikini, somehow this felt more revealing than running off in her underwear. When she turned around she was faced with a bare chested Lucas and she knew at that moment that she should have found a way to get him to take his shirt off more often. He was cut up like a Greek statue and it wasn’t fair, it was like he was made in a factory and a made in America stamp would be at the bottom of his foot.

Her throat was dry and her heart was ready to tell her to jump on top of him, everything else be damned, instead she walked over to the water and get inside hoping that it would mask the feelings she was having, or at least the fact that her face was turning red. Lucas smiled at her before coming in to the water to join her.

“This is nice,” he said as he walked over to where she had decided to sit down. “I never thought that there were places like this in New York.”

“There’s a lot of places like this, and it’s nice to get away from the busy life in the city,” she said as she took in the sight of him in a place that she hadn’t really shared with anyone else.

Lucas put his arm around her shoulders and leaned into kiss her on the cheek, but she turned her head to say something and was met with his mouth. Instead of pulling away she decided to open her mouth and swipe her tongue over his lips. It was a bold move even for her but they’ve made out several times since they started dating so it shouldn’t be that bold. Except now it felt more intimate than before because they were wearing less clothes than they normally did. She was going to pull away but Lucas deepened the kiss and she knew she was gone. Lost in the heat of the water and the feel of his skin against hers, this was different and she liked it. Lucas let out a groan before pulling away from her and she almost cried at the loss of contact.

“As much as I would love to keep going,” he said leaning his head against hers. “I don’t mind taking this relationship slow.”

“I don’t mind that either,” she said as she ran her fingers down his face. “Though making out is a lot more fun than I remember,” she couldn’t help but giggle as she said it. It was as if she were reliving a part of her life where she was given the chance to have something so completely normal without all of the baggage.

“I don’t mind that either,” he said before pulling away. “Now I know you’re only supposed to stay in the water for a short amount of time or else you can get dizzy.”

“I think the max is an hour, I’m not entirely sure,” she said but she had never stay in the water longer than an hour so she never tempted fate with it.

They had been in there for more than twenty minutes, the kissing had taken up a lot of time, but it had been worth it. She was about to say something when she heard something crinkle and crack somewhere nearby. She wasn’t sure if it had been an animal so she clung close to Lucas and he kissed her on the head and held her close.

“I fucking knew it,” someone called out from behind the trees making the two of them jump up.

A flashlight turned on revealing Charlie and Zay looking at them and Riley honestly wanted to drown herself.

“I knew something was off when you wouldn’t tell me about your job, and then that day at the movies when we saw you,” Charlie said pulling Zay closer to the hot spring. “I pulled away to see where you had gone but I only saw Lucas at the concession stand. So that had me thinking about why Lucas would be there but I didn’t tell anyone, I wasn’t sure, but he had been the one who had taken you away after your panic attack, and then Josh and Maya started talking about these talks they had with the both of you, and too many things started adding up.”

“Sugar, you need to breathe,” Zay said to Charlie while he rubbed his arm. “How did I miss this anyway?”

“Don’t worry too much, Charlie works for a magazine remember, he’s good at figuring things like this out,” Riley said feeling like she should have worked harder at hiding things.

Charlie was smiling at the two of them which only made her feel insecure about the fact that she was only wearing a bikini and nothing else. Even though her best friend was gay, it still felt weird because the couple was ogling them trying to figure out how they had hidden their relationship.

“You’re the mysterious assistant that Lucas’s mom mentioned to Maya,” Zay said after a heartbeat had passed. “Your mom is the only one who knew from the beginning and honestly I want to know how.”

“Long story, let’s just say I’m never allowed to lie to my mother,” Lucas answered but Riley wasn’t sure how she felt about any of this.

“And to think we were scheming just to force you two into a room together and you two had already one upped us,” Charlie said as he walked into the water. “I can’t wait to tell the rest of the group.”

“Oh god Maya is going to be insufferable,” Lucas said with a groan. “Can we just drive back to the city, better yet move to a town where no one knows our names and can’t rat us out.”

“She can’t be that bad,” Riley said to him but Zay looked over at her and smile.

“Hon she’s worse,” Zay said.

“Okay, I’ll go get dressed and we can drive to Canada… wait… Josh is going to give you the shovel speech, I don’t want to live through any of this, I just wanted something nice normal and quiet and now we’re going to be interrogated and skinned alive at the same time.”

“Okay it’s not going to be that bad geez you two make it seem as if we’re going to kill you and shove you in the basement,” Zay said to them with a smile.

Lucas pulled her close and gave her a hug, “How about we just deal with this now, and then we can figure the rest of it out later.”

“Yeah considering she had planned to lock you two in the same room,” Charlie said smiling at them. “I guess that plan would have just given the two of you more time together instead of causing some huge rift between you and Maya for plotting it in the first place.”

“Charlie we all made that plan,” Zay added causing Charlie to blush.

Riley climbed out and walked towards where she left the towel, drying herself as best as she could before pulling her pants back on and throwing her shirt over it. The cool October air made her shiver and she couldn’t help but think that this was going to end badly. Lucas joined her a minute later only pulling a sweatshirt on and his shoes before taking her hand and pulling her towards the car. He was rubbing slow circles on her hand, calming her nerves until she heard another rustle in the woods. She figured it was just Charlie and Zay but she could still hear them splashing around in the water.

It was just the woods, animals walked around all the time, she thought to herself. Nothing to worry about.

“What are you thinking about?” Lucas asked as they reached the car.

“Nothing just wondering if the animals were going to kill us before we got to the house,” she told him honestly.

Lucas laughed for a moment before pulling her close. “I’ll protect you don’t worry.”

Riley leaned into his arms savoring the warmth of his body, she couldn’t understand why she felt so cold all of a sudden but being in Lucas’s arms made her feel safe so it shouldn’t be too bad. Charlie and Zay made their way over to them and Riley honestly would have left them behind if it meant not having to deal with what was coming. But in the end they had to deal with it regardless even if it was too soon for it all.

“Don’t worry,” Lucas whispered in her ear.

“I won’t, but I guess I just wish we had more time.”

“Yeah well now they might actually leave us alone and not ask us to go out and eat with them just so they could interrogate us.”

Riley laughed, he was right about one thing. “Yeah, and we could go on dates where we didn’t have to hide if we saw them.”

“My mother wants to meet you,” Lucas said to her with a smile. “If you think it’s too soon I could try and hold her off a little longer.”

Riley felt something inside of her light up, “She wants to meet me?”

“Yeah, but it can wait if you’re not ready.”

“This is just a big step in this relationship, I don’t even know if Josh has met her.”

“He hasn’t, I don’t know why but I know he hasn’t, but she wants to meet you and if you’re alright with that I wouldn’t mind taking you to see her.”

“How about this Saturday, instead of going to the bar,” she smiled at Lucas before kissing him very quickly. “Let them,” she pointed at Charlie and Zay. “Let them worry about closing the place for once.”

“Okay… I’ll tell her,” he said and for the first time Riley saw him blush, this was as new for him as it is for her.

“Okay love birds enough of that let’s get to the house,” Zay said separating them and pushing them towards the car.

The ride was quiet, for Riley, but that could be because she was screaming at herself to run away and go home, that she wanted it to last a little longer before anyone found out. But that wasn’t going to happen because all they wanted was a nice moment under the stars and in the end they got caught. The lights on the house were on, she wasn’t sure if Zay and Charlie had called in advance or the fact that they were all a bunch of night owls and should probably learn to sleep regularly at some point.

She walked out of the car, Lucas grabbing their bags while Charlie and Zay smiled at them, and walked off. Lucas took her hand and squeezed it, giving her some form of comfort because everything was going to get either very complicated or very weird. With Charlie and Zay in front of them they all walked in through the front door, only to be greeted by Farkle who had a very serious face.

“Riley just so you know this wasn’t my idea,” Farkle said before his head turned from the couple in front of them back to the fact that Lucas was holding her hand. “Or I could be wrong about everything which doesn’t happen often.”

“Yeah, and we didn’t even say anything we just found them like this,” Zay said smiling as they walked into the living room Riley itching to run the other way. “Guess what we found out,” Zay announced to the rest of their friends making Riley hide behind Lucas as he dropped their bags at the door and pulled her arm across his chest without forcing her to stand in front of him.

“It’ll be fine don’t worry,” he said and she knew he was right but she kind of liked the hidden part of their relationship and she was going to miss that.

As they walked into the living room Maya, Josh and Isadora all looked over to see the couple.

Maya jumped up and laughed, “I was right about them being good for each other,” she said turning to Josh. “And to think if we had locked them in a room sooner they would have gotten together weeks ago.”

Josh smiled at her before turning towards Riley and Lucas. “We’re going to have a very long talk about keep secrets around here.”

Isadora was the first to walk up to them smiling. “I’m glad you’re happy Riley,” she said no threat no gloating. It was nice to have someone in their corner who wasn’t going to say something about being right.

“So when did this happen?” Farkle asked the group turning towards them.

“Um… well… the night before um… my… well…”

“Riley you’re stalling,” Josh said to her making her jump.

Lucas found Riley’s nervousness adorable, but he was worry about how everyone was reacting, one of the reasons they had kept their relationship a secret was because he had found out that her life had been an open book for so long. She never had something that was just hers and he had wanted to keep it that way for as long as she wanted.

“It was the night I found out my step father died,” Lucas said like ripping off a Band-Aid, but he also knew that it would cause everyone in the room to stop poking into their relationship.

“Lucas that was the night before Riley had her… well,” Maya said looking down at her hands.

They were both damaged by something in their past, Maya was too, as well as Josh, they were all slightly damaged. But sometimes when the fates allowed it, those people got the chance at genuine happiness. Maya was learning this from her relationship with Josh, Lucas had started learning that from Riley the day they had drunk into the night and fallen asleep on the couch. A door opened for all four of them, and what came out of that door was hope, he just wanted to make sure that this fragile hope he was holding onto would survive.

“Now before you interrogate us over this just know that if you mess this up for either one of us I will kick you all where the sun don’t shine and then send my mother after you,” he said before turning his head back towards Riley and smiling at her.

“Mom knows,” Maya yelled out, her voice squeaking as she said it. “She knew all this time?”

“She’s known since the beginning,” Lucas said and his sister’s face turned red.

“That little sneak, she kept telling me to leave you alone, that Lucas will find something special when the time came, and to worry about my own life,” Maya said crossing her arms. Their mother rarely kept secrets, even since that day in the hospital the woman had vowed to tell her children everything so that they wouldn’t be afraid to tell them something.

“I asked her not to say anything,” he said looking at his sister’s baby blues. “We don’t lie yes, and she didn’t, but it was my decision.”

“But why keep it quiet,” Josh asked because he wanted to know what had made his niece keep something from them.

Riley stepped forward, sitting on the steps that lead down to the central living room. “It’s like what I told you at dinner two weeks ago, I wanted something that was just mine,” she said pulling Lucas down with her. “I started working as his assistant at the same time.”

“What,” everyone screamed out at the same time.

“The job… the one you’re so proud of is working for him,” Josh said turning to Charlie.

“Isn’t this taking advantage of your position Friar,” Charlie said directly at Lucas.

“I don’t know Charlie, how did your relationship with Riley start,” Lucas shot back.

“Enough,” Riley said looking at them. “It’s not like that, I work really hard and I love it.”

“She organized the whole office, the only reason I have time to date her in the first place is because she found a way to make everything work without forcing me into overtime,” Lucas added smiling at her.

“Oh god they’re mushy,” Maya said cringing at the gooey eyes they were making at each other.

Zay shrugged at them. “Listen as long as he’s not ragging on my relationship, and he gets out more often I don’t care.”

“Whatever,” Josh said right after. “You hurt her and I’ll call my brother and sister to kick your ass.”

“Geez Josh,” Riley said smiling at her uncle. “Can we go to sleep now?”

“No because I don’t know how I feel about the sleeping arrangements anymore,” Josh said making the rest of the room groan.

“Dude they’re dating let it go, the plan went to hell the moment we found out,” Zay said throwing his hands in the air. “Just let them have their weekend, we can all have fun without meddling and trying to get them together. Plus, you and Maya are sleeping in the same room and I’m not moving either so where are you going to put them,” Zay finished.

“Fine but I want to be there when you tell Shawn about this,” Josh said gesturing between Riley and Lucas.

The other three couples walked off towards their rooms, Charlie patting Riley on the back, Isadora and Farkle wishing them luck. Zay grinning like crazy, while Maya mumbled about their mother keeping this from her, Josh pulling her along while glaring at Lucas.

“Well that went better than I expected,” Riley said to him with a smile. “You want to watch a movie, I’m not tired anymore but only because I think I got an adrenaline rush from that.”

“Sure, we can watch the Incredibles since we’re on this Disney kick tonight,” he said smiling back at her. “Plus if we try and go to our room I’m pretty sure Josh would kill me.”

“I’ll get the popcorn,” she said laughing, before she could get up Lucas pulled her close and gave her a quick kiss.

“Are you okay with this?”

“Actually I am, because that means we can go out without having to hide, even though I wished we could have kept it a secret just a little longer, but I’ll live with it.”

“Good, I can take you to the zoo for that boo at the zoo event, without worrying about being attacked by your family.”

Riley laughed at that before giving him a kiss on his nose and skipping off towards the kitchen. Lucas watched her as her hair bounced as she kicked her legs out, he couldn’t figure out how he had gotten so lucky. If he hadn’t helped her out that first night, they might have never met, and he wouldn’t be as happy as he was at that moment.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 307

So this was an episode that happened. It’s kind of tough to get excited about an episode that’s sole purpose is basically to set up the next one. There were definitely some parts that I really liked *cough Claire cough* and some things that I side-eyed so hard. *cough Jamie cough*

I get that the point of this episode is to show just how much more work they need to do if they’re going to be able to rebuild their life together. And it *is* making me excited for next week to see shit actually go down. But based off of how underwhelmed I was with last week, I feel like I really need to lower my expectations for next week, haha.

This week’s episode served its purpose, though, sooo...

Shockingly, I hate this opening. Like yeah, Claire needs a patient to set up part of the tension with Jamie, but jfc at this point I’ll take her being physically threatened in a non-sexual way rather than *another* attempted rape. All that needed to be accomplished was for the guy to trip and fall. There are ways to do that without attempted rape. We get that the 18th century is dangerous. Stop going back to that same well, show.

Jamie not asking Claire if she’s ok when he comes in bothers me. A lot. Like dude. Look what you just walked into. Look how freaked out Claire is. And you’re *not* going to ask if she’s ok? You’re *not* going to like give her a hug or some gesture of comfort? Even if she wasn’t his wife who just showed up after 20 years and they had just spent the last night having lots of sex, any other person would have asked if Claire was ok if they came across her in that state.

I get that part of what they’re trying to get across with Jamie in this episode is how detached he is from basically everyone. Like he’s been hurt so much and lost so much over the last 20 years that he’s decided feeling nothing for people is more bearable than being hurt by them or something. But, idk, I feel like even if that’s how he’s functioning now, common decency still says you ask someone if they’re ok.

Claire asking Jamie if he understands why she has to try to save the rando makes me sad for her. Because she’s basically asking him if he understands who she is at her core and his reaction is like begrudging acceptance. Which like, I get it. It’s easier for everyone if the guy just dies. But for Claire, it’s like Jamie is barely tolerating her literal purpose in life. The thing that got her though their years apart. And that makes me want to give her a hug. It’s also a stark contrast to his reaction last week when he found out she was a surgeon and he was all “oh you always were” like he was so proud of her. Getting whiplash here, bro.

(Not that Claire needs to justify *at all* what she’s doing, but I feel like now would have been a good place to introduce Jamie to the Hippocratic oath.)

Also not a fan of how Jamie tells her that she’d be arrested for assault if they call the authorities about the guy who broke in. Like dude. There’s a way to do that without being an asshole.

I swear this episode feels like last week never happened. Especially on Jamie’s side.

“I admire a woman who values the sanctity of human life.” I never in a million years thought I’d like Yi Tien Cho better than Jamie in an episode. But yeah. I like him in this episode. I’m definitely on board with how the show has changed him. I’m here for the respect between him and Claire. Good job, show.

I was seriously wishing they would cut the whole Campbell storyline but nope. Here we are. *fast forwards*

I’m always here for Young Ian and Fergus, though. But can we please talk about how Young Ian is fucking 14? Yeah, they said he was 16 last week, but they fucking start ep. 302 with the year 1752 on the screen. Claire goes back to 1766. That’s 14 years. Jfc, show, if you wanted to age him up a bit (which yeah, you should age him up a bit), you should have tweaked the timeline in ep. 302 rather than having him be canonically 14 but then be like nope, jk, we want him to be 16. Whatever. He can be 16 from now on, but for real. Math. It’s a thing, show.

Age nonsense aside, I am so here for Young Ian asking Fergus about Claire and Fergus like fanboying the fuck out over her.

Ok did Outlander miss the memo that people made fun of Game of Thrones for having random sex and nudity in the background of scenes? And how they don’t do it anymore and that’s a good thing? Because for a show that claims that it has great respect for sex and nudity, there are randos banging again in the background of Jamie meeting Sir Percival. Because clearly if there weren’t we wouldn’t be able to understand that it’s a brothel? Whatever, I don’t dislike it, and it’s not like I took what the production team says in interviews seriously to begin with, but I’m rolling my eyes a bit.

I love that Yi Tien Cho goes along with what Claire needs and seems to genuinely respect her skills. Be more like him, Jamie.

“This ends now.” Why do you suck so much through so much of this episode, Jamie. There’s being changed after so long and then there’s being a complete twat. Jamie through a lot of this episode is like leaping over to the twat side of things.

Like I love the little scene when he tells her she’ll have other chances to use her skills and help people and the whole bit about being willing to give up everything to be with her again and stuff. That’s lovely. But it seems like a completely different person from who he is during most of the rest of the episode. Like he goes from acting like he’d give anything for her to *not* be there and not be blowing up his spot one second to all mushy and romantic the next. There needs to be tension and stuff, but the swings in his characterization are kind of jarring. Especially since the shit with Sir Percival has literally zero to do with Claire showing up. It would have happened regardless... (Ok, maybe the guy wouldn’t have died, but him and Sir Percival still would have shown up to search the brothel.)

Like the “You will...return? After?” line works. His fear she’ll leave and his insecurity and stuff works. Him being a complete doucherocket to her? Not so much.

Anywho. Young Ian and Fergus are adorable and I love them. I am 1000% here for this bromance. Also, Fergus is totally full of shit about having a threesome for his first time, right? Unless the teens at Lallybroch are way more sexually liberated than I thought, lol. In which case, more power to them. You get yours, rando Highland lasses.

The difference in Claire’s face when she gets off the carriage in Edinburgh in ep. 305 vs. when she’s walking to see Margaret Campbell in this ep. kills me. Like it literally took *one day* to basically crush the poor woman’s spirit. Just the weight she’s carrying there of everything she went through during the 20 years apart plus the weight of what she gave up to come back is just all right there on her face. Her 20 years apart weren’t happy, but she built a life that was hers. She had purpose in her work which I wish we saw more of. She had her daughter which I wish we saw more of. And she gave all that up for a guy who has interrogated her regarding her motive for returning, insulted their daughter in more than one way and has been treating her like pretty much nothing but a burden? You need the biggest of hugs, Claire.

Seriously wish they just cut the Campbells, though. Like we’ll see how they handle them later on in the season, but yeah. Hard pass.

Young Ian is awkward and adorable and I heart him. But I could really have used less of him in the print shop with the girl...

Ok does no one in the 18th century know how sex works? How can literally every virgin on this show just assume that horses set the gold standard for secksi times?

“Maybe we can find a place of our own.” “And leave the brothel?” Yes, you fuckwit. Seriously. Who is this Jamie. I get it, he’s changed, yada yada, they’re different people. But literally last episode he was like “oh, yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have brought you to a brothel” and now he’s like “oh yeah, it’s totally cool if we just live here.” Wtf. Be consistent within your own universe, show.

I love that even though Jamie is being a complete jackass this episode, Claire is still like planning her future with him. Claire knows what she went through during her time apart from Jamie. She doesn’t know all of the details about what Jamie went through, but she knows he is profoundly changed. Claire isn’t naive. Wanting to start to rebuild a life together isn’t the same thing as pretending that their old lives didn’t happen. When she went back to Frank, he wanted to ignore the past and that was unsustainable. Wanting to not live in a brothel is not the same thing as wanting to pretend that the last 20 years never happened. Claire knows that she’s scared and hasn’t been fully honest with Jamie about her life without him, because being vulnerable enough to do that takes a lot of trust and courage, and she’s not quite there yet. But I really believe Claire believes that she and Jamie can get to a place where they’re able to share everything they went through. When she said they didn’t need to rush things in ep. 306, I took that at face value, not as her avoiding the hard truths of their time apart. I really think she just understands that it will take time and effort to regain enough trust between them to be able to share what needs sharing in order to build a solid, new version of their relationship that’s built on honesty. Her trying to find a productive place for herself in Jamie’s new life works really well for me. She’s not asking him to change (except their living situation, which I can’t blame her in the slightest for), she’s trying to find a place for herself in his, and now her, world. Knowing what Claire gave up, and the fact that she didn’t take that sacrifice lightly, to get back to Jamie makes it pretty clear that she’s willing to do whatever it takes to try to find their way back to each other. I get the sense that she knew that there would be a lot of emotional work involved and she wouldn’t have gone back if she wasn’t willing to do it.

Apparently I had a lot of feelings about Claire wanting to move and start her own practice. Anywho...

I love the reunion with Ian. I love the mix of pain and shock and happiness on his face. I’m glad they had him tell her how much he and Jenny mourned her when she left. I’m really looking forward to Claire and Jenny next week, but I do kind of wish they’d switch things up and have Jamie and Claire tell Jenny and Ian the truth. Because otherwise, Claire leaving is solely on Claire when really it was Jamie who basically forced her to go. I loved Claire and Jenny’s relationship in season one, and I hope (but doubt) they’ll make this change. It feels like it’d be very in character for show!Claire to want to do once she is back at Lallybroch and really sees how much pain her leaving caused them.

I do like their fight after Ian leaves though. Like, finally. Get into itttt. Please. Go there. Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Although Jamie acting like he sees the world in black and white when he literally lives in the gray areas doesn’t really play well for me. But Claire, knowing that Jamie’s inability to raise his children hurts him like whoa, going in for the kill by telling him he doesn’t know what it’s like to be a parent does work. Because yeah, he *definitely* should have given Ian some peace of mind. It was a total dick move not to. And what Claire said was a low blow and not really a good look for her, and two wrongs don’t make a right and yada yada whatever, but it was a shitty move by Jamie not to give Ian some relief and he needs to be smacked upside the head and that’s basically what Claire does except on steroids.

I’m here for Jamie’s anger about not getting to raise Bree, and her being raised by another man. But a) that’s not fucking Claire’s fault, you asshole who literally, physically pushed Claire’s hand onto the stone, and b) I’m annoyed as fuck by him bringing up the bikini again. I get it, different time, yada yada, but it feels like he has just leeched onto that as something to throw at Claire as like a sign she was a bad mother. Because she let Bree wear something like that. (He can say she was a good mother when they’re all lovey in bed and stuff, but when he’s called on his bullshit he apparently has no problem being a complete fuckwad...) But oh wait, who also used Bree as a way to hurt Claire? Frank. Don’t be like Frank, Jamie. Ugh.

The look on Claire’s face when she says that Frank was a wonderful father to Brianna breaks my heart a little. Because he wasn’t. He used Bree to hurt Claire. He played himself against Claire so he looked like the good parent in Bree’s eyes. Bree may have loved him, but that’s not being a good parent. That’s being a manipulative, cruel, selfish piece of shit. And I think Claire knows that. But she knows that Bree loved him and she’s like trying to hang on to that fact to make what she went through over those 20 years with Frank seem like they weren’t a waste.

And she says it to Jamie because she doesn’t want him to know how much pain Frank caused her while she was with him. It hurts Jamie to hear that Frank was a good father to Bree, but I think Claire would rather have him hurt that way than to see just how badly Frank fucked her up because Jamie made her go back to him. Because on some level Claire blames Jamie a bit, but also doesn’t want to seem like she “lost” the separation? (It’s not a contest, Claire, but I get it...) Like Jamie hasn’t shared much about his life without her. He shared only a few details around Willie’s birth, so Claire knows he was a bastard, but she also saw Jamie’s excitement and love for the child that overshadowed his reaction to Bree. And Jamie hasn’t gone into anything about the pain and misery he went through on his end during his years in the cave or in prison. He’s only given her the couple romantic lines about living in the shadows but now the sun’s back and yada yada. So to Claire, it seems like yeah, Jamie went through some stuff, but he has his life in Edinburgh and he’s happy in it so if Claire admits that she was miserable and living this cobbled together half-life for 20 years, it makes her more vulnerable to being hurt more deeply than she could probably bear if Jamie can’t understand? Which, by his behavior since she came back, it doesn’t seem like he would?

GUYS JUST RIP THE BANDAID OFF, PLEASE! I NEED TO SEE THE RAGE AND PAIN AND ARGH IS IT NEXT WEEK YET BECAUSE I NEED THEM TO JUST LET LOOSE AND SCREAM AT EACH OTHER!

Ok Jamie dramatically jumping over the railing with his ridic blanket scarf thing is too much for me. Like I can’t even. It’s so dumb.

But Fergus’ face when Jamie tells him Claire doesn’t know about his other wife yet is my everything. We’re all right there with you, Fergus...

[kangalex]

This Letter From A 27-Year-Old Who Was Dying Of Cancer Will Change Your Approach To Life

A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo

[lismak]

Holly Butcher (born 9 June 1990) was an Australian cancer patient, who gained a following on social media covering her illness and subsequent death aged 27 on January 4, 2018. Her last letter for her life lessons became viral in the social media and gained immediate attention.

A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens.

I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared – I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.

That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it.

It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go.

It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise – Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things … until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.

While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more.

Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding.

1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice

2. It feels good.

Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee.

Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time.

Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time.

Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other.

Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange!

It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could.

Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water. Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year – a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo