eyeofnewtblog

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

Me: *buys a family size bag of chicken nuggets and just…throws that whole ass bag in my lunch box for the day, because we have an air fryer in the break room*

Around the third hour of my shift, I’m hungry so I carefully space exactly 9 nuggets in the work air fryer (I washed it as best I could) and go try to help the next few customers while I wait for deliciousness to happen. I get my name shouted down the line, from the register closest to the break room. “Hey, your food is burning!”

So I have to literally tell the customer “I need to deal with the potential fire, I’ll be right back.”

Turns out it’s just something else (probably cheese, very distinct burnt smell) burning in the air fryer and stinking up half the store, my chikkie nugggies are perfectly cooked and tasty. I do not share them because I didn’t have time to wash brake pad dust off my hands and was just shoving them into my mouth while they were too hot and doing the mouth cooling breathing thing that makes you look like an idiot.

Anyway. After about 6 hours into my shift that I was asked to come in early for and stay late for…The customers finally stop piling in like it’s their last chance at to see Garth Brooks live, and we get a calm moment where I can go make some more chicken nuggets. Because I’m starving again and now there are 2 teenagers and a manager who legit hasn’t had a break in a while. So I pile some nuggies into the air fryer, walk away to help a few people, then wander back up the line with my clean napkin and clean hands.

Dude, every single one of my coworkers said something along the lines of “god, yes please” and had a story to tell about how much they loved chikkie nuggies. It’s childhood comfort food, I fuckiing love making people happy with food, even basic shit, it’s so rewarding.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Oh, it looks like you are talking about fabric patterns? Possibly simplicity of print that was going on in the 1950s. Absolutely it’s a much simpler pattern because they didn’t have the technology then to do complications in patterns; just look at what they were able to print onto fabric instead of dying it on in the 1970.

I’m really sorry, but there was a whole”how you cut fabric to make the most of what you have” revolution in the 1930s and then a “repurpose resize” in the 1940s, then the decadence of the 1950s… 1960s pants pandemic and miniskirt mayhem happened.

Through all of that polyester was being invented, installed, and used as mainstream fabric.

I guess the only real takeaway is that we, as people. Are always going to move forward. Weather we want to or not. But we can still enjoy the old time.

Things that happen at my biannual summer family reunion;

The theme was 1950s, so everyone brought cardboard boxes and paint and we had a “drag race” and a few of the cousins did skits that parodied after school specials. There was a poodle skirt contest. Several people did happy days costumes.

The whole event is held on a piece of family land from when we first settled here in America, which is now owned by multiple family members on some sort of trust? I don’t know or care, we get to hang out and have silly competitions, there’s room for all sorts of cars and tents. There’s an outhouse and the creek hasn’t changed in 30 years because of the duck race every year.

The rule is, you contribute in some way, and if you drink a beer, Venmo or cash tip the person who bought the kegs. Yes, kegs, multiple. There were 87 of us this year.

Pictures or it didn’t happen? Oh. Okie dokie!

Artichokie.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

Me: hey, I’m going outside to do a battery change.

Me: *the battery charger tool kit is so decimated it is practically the first attack of Smaug.,.lake town/the tool kit has minimal survival, zero med support, what the ever loving fuck are these kids doing? Seriously?

Me, to the customer: Hey, my battery change kit is kinda fucked right now. Give my about ten minutes to gather what I need, I’ll meet you at the door. (I go gather a 10 mm wrench and the 12 mm deep reaching socket, ratchet with extension tools.)

Me and customer get out there. Change the battery, I make the customer help me (I’m female and always want to learn, the customer was female and also wanted to learn, so it’s honestly a great time) once the new battery is installed we realize that she should probably take her car to a mechanic because the car is still hesitant but no longer cranking to turn over. Her Boss has suggested that she just doesn’t drive her car enough. Which can be an actual thing but going to and from work for 13 minutes at a time shouldn’t be a thing in a five year old car.

Then we stand there for a good ten minutes discussing local restaurants she can drive to because she’s adorable and new to the area. She mentioned that she’s from Texas so I assume if she shoots at all, no go, but she plays video games so I’ve at least got three spots where she can play video and/or arcade games.

Sometimes you just gotta help the newbie, it’s okay to be soft with people.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at home:

Youngest sibling got a kitten, on top of adopting the shop cat that gave birth on my desk five years ago. Shop cat has limited access to the outside, but just enough to bring a dead mouse or bird home and leave it in the closet of the person they like most. Who happens to to be my sibling.

My evening went somewhat like this….

Youngest sibling: oh my gawd what do I do, there’s a dead mouse in my room

Me: that’s what cats do, grab a paper towel and scoop it up? Put it in the trash can?

Youngest sibling: Not helpful! My cat is doing a thing! You are less than helpful!

Me after I called my mom: Dude, I fucked you over so many times with cats, why is kiddo not listening to me?

Basically my mom and I cackled about how a 19 year old wouldn’t listen for 30 minutes.

No seriously, if kiddo had listened to actual advice, and stopped panicking about a dead mouse in a closet that needed to be scooped up and thrown away…me and my mom legit threw a laughing fit for a good half hour. Dude, the kids need to learn after a certain point.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

So I’m coming back from my lunch break today, and as I’m putting away my purse and lunch bag, I hear one of my work kids trying to deal with a difficult customer over the phone. We almost always put the customer on speaker phone so that we can use both hands to type. All I really hear is something kind of like this…

Kiddo: Sir, the way that you are presenting the information about the car is not what my system will let me search for.

Customer: I am TELLING YOU, this is the exact thing I am looking for (rattles off information about the specific engine, but no year make or model, which is the only way we can search for something over the phone, without a specific part number or without the physical part in front of us)

Kiddo: Sir, I keep telling you, I can’t look for it that way. And frankly, you’re being pretty disrespectful.

Customer: Listen here, little miss-

Me: (reaching across kiddo, hangs up the call) you okay sweetie?

Kiddo: oooohhh, that MAN! I’m good mama girl, but oooohhhh!!!!(proceeds to cuss the customer out alphabetically, in Spanish…it’s kinda her thing and honestly impressive to hear her roll out full throttle like that so I just let it happen until she’s done) WHY! Ugh! Why they gotta be like that! I’m nice until they ain’t, I just match their energy!

Other coworker who is actually a year younger than her: It’s because you waste time being mad. If it’s gonna happen, you’re cooked either way. Don’t give them any pieces of you.

Me:That’s. Honestly really good and healthy advice. I was gonna go with yeah customers suck but nut the fuck up because it honestly doesn’t get better. But yeah, no, that kiddo has legit good advice on how to survive customer service.

And honestly. At 17? Having that deep of a grasp on “water off a ducks back, just keep swimming”???? Fucking phenomenal for a kid.

I’m legit impressed with both of them (her for calming down because she’s a hot head, him for just being completely unaffected by any waves around him)

Kids are great to work with. I freaking love working with teenagers.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work:

Two gentlemen come in, speaking French with each other but English to me with an Arabic accent. Ask for the parts they need, I get them their stuff, and as I’m checking them out for the purchase, they need to create an account with us so that AutoZone can track the warranty for what they’re buying.

One guy goes in to fill out his name, and his first name is Sala.

Me: Aw! One of my cousins is named Sala! That’s awesome! His parents adopted him when they were teaching English in Morocco. They moved back a few years ago after my cousin Brian, Salas dad, got his PhD, because they wanted him to grow up speaking French and Arabic.

These two gentlemen got so happy, it was freaking adorable. I’m not even sure what they were happy about, but they tried to teach me a few words in Arabic (like thank you and your welcome) and I don’t remember those words for the life of me, but I know I made someone’s day just by sharing a random piece of my life with them and being kind.

I honestly love customer service for this exact reason: people usually give you an opportunity to be wholesome to them, and they usually love being able to be wholesome back to you.

My grandpa said once that “people are usually good, but there’s just enough bad apples in the bunch that you have to be cautious about the whole barrel” and honestly that’s slapped for a good ten years tbh.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Ok! I have made too much pie filling! Time for mashed potatoes and cottage pie!

Guys I only bought ground beef by the pound because it was on sale. I only bought the veggies because they were on sale. I was like “what can I do with this?” And my white ass was like “we’re already buzzed at noon, let’s go full UK and see what happens”

And now I’m three beers and six shots in, there’s no coming back from this. It’s going to be delicious because you have to taste test as you cook, but holy fuck I can’t EAT all of this.

I just went through 2/3s of a five pound sack of potatoes. Is this an actual Irish thing or is this an American thing that we like to blame on Irish heritage? Why are all the things I know how to cook reliant on potatoes? What is happening.

Okay, drunk family recipes (because I’m meal prepping apparently):

Cornish pasty’s

The original 1790s version of the recipe calls for turnip instead of potatoes but fuck it

Equal parts ground meat and boiled potatoes. Half a giant onion. As much garlic as you want. Measure that shit with your heart. Chili powder and paprika and Italian seasoning to taste.

A package of frozen vegetables (peas and corn preferably but veggies to taste)

A cum dump of tomato paste. (Measure with your heart. You’ll know. About a big spoon full, for the aro/ace peeps.)

An entire box of beef broth. (Can use vegetable broth to make it vegan [tofu substitutes] or vegetarian but beef has depth of flavor so up to you)

Three circles of either soy sauce or Worcestershire sauce. Both are equally salty but one has horseradish and the other is actually palatable.

Simmer until it’s kinda dry and then fold into dough. It’s going to be delicious.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Okay, drunk family recipes (because I’m meal prepping apparently):

Cornish pasty’s

The original 1790s version of the recipe calls for turnip instead of potatoes but fuck it

Equal parts ground meat and boiled potatoes. Half a giant onion. As much garlic as you want. Measure that shit with your heart. Chili powder and paprika and Italian seasoning to taste.

A package of frozen vegetables (peas and corn preferably but veggies to taste)

A cum dump of tomato paste. (Measure with your heart. You’ll know. About a big spoon full, for the aro/ace peeps.)

An entire box of beef broth. (Can use vegetable broth to make it vegan [tofu substitutes] or vegetarian but beef has depth of flavor so up to you)

Three circles of either soy sauce or Worcestershire sauce. Both are equally salty but one has horseradish and the other is actually palatable.

Simmer until it’s kinda dry and then fold into dough. It’s going to be delicious.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that kind of happen at both home and work:

So my boss lets me take her kid to the local library about once a week. Boss wants kiddo out of the house at least once a week, kiddo is an absolute slut for horror but will settle for anything more than an inch thick as far as books go. Also kiddo regularly does stuff to get her iPad taken away (which she actually never complains about???) so she honestly loves the library and her mom is happy. Then we get lunch at Taco Bell (kiddo is all about just cheese quesadillas for some reason and Taco Bell is cheapest)

So yesterday we grab six books for kiddo, the absolute gem of a librarian asks her what her recommendation is for one of the books she just turned in, I’m using the hand sanitizer wipes to clean up Zelda puppy’s drool mess, kiddo actually picks out her own books mostly by herself, we get to Taco Bell, I get me and mom a $5 lunch box each and kiddo her $2 quesadilla.

We get to the apartment and my boss/mom is like, just come in, thanks for bringing me lunch, let me put on real people clothes instead of wandering around in a towel.

Dude, do you guys know how much trust it takes for a Hispanic woman to let you see them with no eyebrows or lashes?

I’ve got that warm and fuzzy feeling…they trust me completely. I fucking love that I’m building that bridge with them both.

What kinda ruined it was that my boss’s mom came home while we were still eating, and poor woman is TERRIFIED of dogs and Zelda puppy was still with us. Zelda has very much decided that Kiddo is part of the humans she needs to protect, so a Strange Person coming through the door was Not Okay, but she quieted down very quickly (more of a “hey, mom! Someone at the door!” Barking and one growl, nothing more serious) but me and Zelda puppy left pretty quickly after that because kiddos grandma does not need to be terrified in her own home.

It was still a pretty great day, and I’m honestly really happy that kiddo had a good time and I still got to gossip with mom/my boss in a way that you just can’t in the actual store.

[eyeofnewtblog]

There is no moral.

The wolf eats you one day,

And until it does,

The forest is beautiful

[Neverafter - Brennan Lee Mulligan]

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at my biannual summer family reunion;

The theme was 1950s, so everyone brought cardboard boxes and paint and we had a “drag race” and a few of the cousins did skits that parodied after school specials. There was a poodle skirt contest. Several people did happy days costumes.

The whole event is held on a piece of family land from when we first settled here in America, which is now owned by multiple family members on some sort of trust? I don’t know or care, we get to hang out and have silly competitions, there’s room for all sorts of cars and tents. There’s an outhouse and the creek hasn’t changed in 30 years because of the duck race every year.

The rule is, you contribute in some way, and if you drink a beer, Venmo or cash tip the person who bought the kegs. Yes, kegs, multiple. There were 87 of us this year.

Pictures or it didn’t happen? Oh. Okie dokie!

Artichokie.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at home:

Holy fuck I love my local public library. Holy shit those ladies are so nice and have zero fucks to give.

No, seriously, as long as the books are fine, they are the nicest, sweetest people.

Literally brought my dog and a 12 year old in. Two of the librarians took “the 12 yo is allowed to read Stephen King” and picked the kid out the creepiest shit they had on hand. It was awesome.

(I was babysitting the 12 year old because my boss wants her kid to be outside for at least 2 hours a week and the kiddo wanted the dog along)

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at work;

So, like. Two coworkers having an argument in Spanish, that I can barely understand, and one of them yells across the store because I’m in eyeline, “huh, name, right?” Like that thing Hispanics do whenever they want a white person to just automatically agree, to prove a point to the other Hispanic person they are arguing with. It’s usually joking but whatever.

Anyway, the baseline of the argument is that the male coworker called out the female coworker on bad work ethics, she fired back that he was being mean, and he said something about how he’s the nicest manager at the store.

My actual real response: Honestly, when you’re not being a homophonic piece of shit, yes, you are the nicest manager. Because you let the night crew get away with murder.

Both of them cackled and walked away so don’t count it as a win.

It was not a compliment.

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Things that happen at work:

My assistant manager: *tells a genuinely horrific story about when he used to be in a gang as a funny anecdote*

Me, also completely genuine: Um. So. You’re completely terrifying, and I’m going to go finish putting this away. *gestures at the bin I had in my hands, I don’t even remember what I was carrying?*

Assistant manager: *cackles and fucking WINKS wtf do I do with that, like he’s not flirting he’s just amused that I’m terrified about the shit he’s willing to get up to*

[eyeofnewtblog]

I pretty much agree, but also my dad is obsessed with moose. And they are…big. Like seriously get on YouTube and watch at least three moose clips. Orca whales, wolves, and humans are their only predators. Because they can dive for up to 30 feet to eat seaweed. Moose and big dog breeds were absolutely underutilized, but I also think that the animorphs would have almost zero ability to acquire a moose just based on the access they had (California, only a zoo and local wildlife, etc)

I do wish the kids had thought to morph large dog breeds and have Ax morph human and pretend to be a dog walker who “lost control” of the pack. For spying and distraction purposes.

Also, since you can cross breed most dogs, I wonder if it’s possible to do that dna blender thing that ax does for his human morph but with dogs.

Best battle morph not used by the Animorphs?

Going solely off suggestions I've heard before:

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at home and work:

I finally took my boss’s 12 year old to the library.

IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!!

Kinddo reserved a book, checked three out. LIBRARIANS are fucking AWESOM. We had Zelda puppy with us, and yes I was cleaning up after her every chance I could, (she slobbered quite a lot, partially from just genuinely being hot and dogs just drinking messy)

But honestly the librarians were like “no, it’s okay? You literally called the day before to warn us and she’s as well behaved as promised? You are fine honey”

But they also helped kiddo find some legit good books for the summer reading program. There was a giant book about world history that was pretty good, and another one about black artists, and the lat one she got was really interesting “art of protest” which really explores black and Mexican protest movements. Like holy fuck how is this a kids book, I want this book for myself so badly.

[eyeofnewtblog]

Things that happen at home:

So, back in the 1980s, when my parents were just starting their bachelor degrees in engineering (mom electric and dad Civil, pun intended) my dad always said “we were both at a part and I just saw her across the room, and just…knew. That’s it, that’s HER.”

Man’s he’s never deviated from that belief. Don’t get me wrong, he’s fucked up, she’s fucked up, they have had to Learn To Communicate decade by decade…because they learned together and grew together.

My dad has a Rate My Professor from ten years ago that he still takes issue with because it said he was “one of the good old boys” and like. You literally cannot be one of the good old boys when you’re proud of your pregnant 36 year old wife making literally double your salary.

Don’t get me wrong, dad would love to be the breadwinner, but he sees no financial reason to tighten belts. And he married her for a reason (and in his own words, no one in their right mind would ever want to hurt her. Hurting a woman that smart and calculating is the stupidest goddamn thing you could ever do. You want her on your side, no matter how mad she is at you for stupid shit.)

I honestly enjoy and envy my parents marriage. My mom definitely wants more closeness that my day simply can’t provide, but my dad completely adores and admires and respects her at every opportunity.

She is a very social creature and as she ages she sees her social life narrowing down. She definitely has social hobbies, but she doesn’t have social hobbies my dad enjoys, and I think she’s looking at her own parents being happily married at 80 years old and after 50 years of shared hobbies.

Not sure how I’m going to fix this. It’s their own problem to fix, but gentle introduction of the actual problem might be key.