#plus i havent translated the rest

[joan0art]

Dreamling

And then, looking at Hob, he realised that for the first time in ages, he genuinely wished to live. Not just to fulfil his duty but to truly live, and enjoy himself. He smiled softly. Maybe that was all there was to it, maybe he could just be happy with his friend. But then he remembered what he really was. He had a function to perform But in that brief moment he allowed himself to dream for a little longer.

[thesugarhole]

being serious day 1 blog:

was going to spend the day at the library to better simulate a focus environment but my mom had some exams to do that required general anesthesia and had to have someone pick her up after, so i stayed home to both take her and pick her up

* i have to get re-used to driving even though i dont have a car. rookie mistakes

headache started brewing

spent all morning and most of the afternoon cleaning the house with her

while she was there i came back home and finally analyzed/ opened up my portefolio to update it. turns out it needs less work than i expected it to. reworked the cover & back bc i dont want my face in there, also removed some projects i dont think are relevant to the type of design i wanna do (theyre on behance regardless)

this was roughly 2-3 hours of work though and my headache got worse. saw that it was close to the time to pick up my mom so i went to rest my head for a bit

pick up mom, back home. go get something to eat with her bc she hungry due to having to clean her guts for it = chicken soup, jello and pills for like 4 days

has an inflamed stomach and a mass inbetween stomach and. i forgot the name. they took part of it for a hospital biopsy that can analyze it more thorough. awaiting results

here writing this. 7pm. head still hurty

tldr: first day got very little done in terms of job hunting, but could be worse. could have done nothing at all. i need to check if the library isnt on different schedules due to labor day on wednesday, but the main plan is go there tomorrow all day and finish editing my portefolio, as well as translate my cv to english/update europass (<- havent needed it yet but who the fuck knows). i think its feasable.

im wondering if it would be worth it to charge my transport pass (30 euros) just to have a bus library<-> home. its not a long walk, 20mins/1,4km/0,6 miles?, but carrying my laptop in summer-like heat is a drag. ive eliminated as much weight as i can from my junk but just that plus a water bottle is enough to tire, can you believe it. or maybe im just kinda lazy.

[lunarsniperwifle]

I havent posted in a while so here's a lil life recap!

I started HRT in august!! Woohoo!! Its been going really well, Im so happy.

I had a lil vacay with my parents after my Tia's wedding in October, read cover to cover a book (Legends & Lattes, very fun very cute, and gay) and its the first book Ive fully read in a few years and cover to cover in about 24 hours in many years. It really sparked a lot of joy and got me back into the reading mood. Plus the story hit like all my boxes (fantasy, coffeeshop au style, sapphic, retired adventurer, past coming to haunt and help).

Next thing I read was She Loves to Cook She Loves to Eat. SO. GOOD. i adore them, i cant wait for more (i think i saw the author is on break atm which of course is fine take care of yourself!!). Im loving where its going, that theyre older women, that theyre falling/have fallen for eachother but dont know how to bring it up and are hesitant BUT working towards taking the next step together. I cant wait for them to communicate, and kiss.

I also got into Im In Love With The Villainess and omg. I adore it so much. I watched when it had like 4 eps out, watched em all. And then immediately bought all the light novels, manga, and claires POV LN that were out. And then proceeded to read all core/main LNs in less than a week. Then Claires then the manga. I adore it, I fell in love with this story so fast and stayed up nightly reading almost one LN a day for a week. I think the 2nd one is my fave, and it makes me so excited for the anime and for the manga to get translated and released. I am dying for the 2nd one from Claires POV as well (im sure i could maybe find it online same with the manga since thats up to the looks like Lily/Yu arc now in japan) but i kinda wanna wait for the print to come out so i can physically have and read it like the others. Rae and Claire's story means so much to me, and especially Inori-san's writing in general and being serious about certain topics and actually diving into them. I hopw with all my heart it continues to be animated, i have a feeling we'll wind with the scales of love arc for season 1 and tease vacation arc for start of 2 (and probably go through to the end of LN 2 for season 2 mayhap?) It deserves to have the entire story told through animation honestly.

I also got the bloom into you manga (got the 1st one to read and see if id like it and shocker i do so i have the rest of the manga, LNs, and manga anthology on the way and might get the bluray of the anime eventually to watch). Ive really liked the 1st volume so far, it has me excited to find out how the story and relationship develops! Also wow! It was very fast at getting into the love feelings i was kinda surprised (pleasantly)

And then when im done with that have the Whisper Me a Love Song in my sights for the next yuri story to dive into and adore.

Its been a wonderful time. Im real happy :3

[theyellowhue]

Day 49 since the finale of the gayest weather-coded show

I am trying and failing to unfck-up my sleeping schedule. Its a struggle.

I saw the FortPeat LOADING photos circulating and let me just,,, a moment, please,,, 😭😭😭,,, what was the theme??? blissfully married for five years but never got out of the honeymoon phase??? They were just so cute!!! Also, Fort is sick yet he is everywhere, can someone force him to rest!!! Lmao, he went to his university just for his classes to be canceled??? The universe just doesn't want Fort to take Peat to that Safari date 💔

What else??? I havent been on any social media hellsites today. I needed to clear my mind, which is why i have read and reread isekai manhwas. My choice of pleasure, really.

Ive been seeing more and more FortPeat tiktoks and stuff and all of them are pretty BUT DOES IT REALLY NEED TO BE THAT EMOTIONAL!!!???

Noel had a live and of course i never catch it on time plus i havent seen any translations of my tl.

I saw videos of fetus Boss circulating!!!! He was in high school??? But he was singing with his band and he looked so baby 🥺. Wonder where those clips are from

I wanna see the weather boys in one frame again 😭 but i wont fret, more weather boys content will pull through once they start their fan meeting tour 👀

[vexingsmoke]

this is mostly just me rambling - because its something that ive been processing sort of slowly - and i havent been around much to talk or write down any of my thoughts - plus its been heightened recently - especially since we recently started taking our adhd meds with more regularity - but the realization of being a subsystem - and veer fronting a lot - has affected me a lot - for multiple reasons -

one of the reasons is whenever we - the smoke subsystem - have been in front - its usually been veer instead of me - and obviously its not tyr fault - but it still kind of sucks - even before the weird system thing that meant nobody could really front properly for like a week - i essentially only got to front if we were having an episode that i get queried by - and when im having one of those episodes - its incredibly difficult for me to have the energy or thought to reach out or talk to anyone - which means i havent really gotten to talk to basically the only person i care about for more than a minute or two - and thats only when i get queried for a moment - i could basically only be in front for longer if i was very actively handling symptoms - or if i was barely in front - like im just doing my doodles - and thats the only thing im doing - and someone else is the rest of front - and its really hard for me and veer to both be in front at the same time - which means that i just dont get to front much - and when i do - im usually in the back of front - and cant really do anything - like as far as i can tell - by memory and by checking message counts - i have sent 3 messages since ty was discovered - aka in the past over a month - in the 3 ish weeks before that - i had sent around 200 messages - which is a lot seeing as i currently have about 650 registered - and the person with the highest in our system is a little over 3000 -

and the other reason - and again this isnt really something veer can control - but it fronting so much - has kind of ruined our ability to eat properly - especially me - i like eating food - i usually enjoy it - and have a wider tolerance than most others insys - but veer basically cant eat or even smell most food without gagging - and sometimes ty will gag so much that we will fully vomit - there are a few things that it can sometimes eat - but thats mostly when its being distracted or not fully in front - and when we arent on our adhd meds - but weve been on our adhd meds - and its been in front a decent amount due to one of its queries being pikmin 4 - which just sucks - like we have vomited more times in the past month - than in the past few years - and thats not including the amount of times its almost vomited - but either managed to not - or we just didnt have anything in our stomach to throw up - and so it just wont really eat much when its in front - but not eating also will make us nauseous - which makes it extremely hard to eat - to not be hungry - to be less nauseous - and this extends to when its not fully in front - but just partially - which makes it harder for whoever is in front to eat - and its just so infuriating - fun fact - i saved this as a draft because i was having trouble articulating my thoughts - and we were gagging into a toilet again within an hour -

all of this is complicated by my - - - internal emotions and relationship with veer - or maybe you could call them my exomemories - i dont know - neither sets of emotions are particularly good - but theyre both different -

a big reason why its consistently near front - is because a youtuber that we like a lot has been doing a recorded playthrough of pikmin 4 - and they upload episodes of it fairly regularly - and theyre all quite long - and we always watch them - and so veer just gets queried and stays for a bit after - which translates to it fronting for a minimum of usually 2 hours every time an episode is uploaded - which is a decently large chunk of our day -

i dunno - i just dont feel great - and im not super used to this specific way of not feeling great - usually my feeling not great is just feeling a gnawing hollow nothingness - and sometimes some psychosis stuff - but this is different - and weird -

[hassan-ibn-abdul-qadir]

//

[foshi]

Wait what deep sea horror movies are there?? Do u have any recs? Omg

hi i do have recommendations but my taste in most things isnt super refined just a heads up!!! a lot of these movies arent rlly rated well i just see the woter and im like "hm scary and good enough for me!!

also a lot of these arent really deep sea and/or horror. ill take what i can get tho fr fr as long as its vaguely on theme.

theres a movie called 47 meters down which. was good and i liked it!! its abt these two gals who find themselves in a sunken cage at the bottom of the ocean in shark infested waters and um. its very nerve wrecking and i rlly liked the ending tbh? and lots of tense moments. disclaimer tho ik movies that vilify sharks contribute to stinky things and also i understand that sharks r just creatures tryna eat and not starve and i adore them. predators under water just hit different and movies abt them are Sometimes fun. tbh usually i avoid movies where the whole premise is Scary Shark but this one involved them being trapped in a Cage so it intrigued me

theres also a movie called the cave that i rlly enjoyed parts of but i was so let down by other parts!! these lads find an under water cave and go to explore it. idk how much i should spoil but the one aspect of it that i didnt like is that the set up seemed very practical and realistic and then it strayed so far from what is possible/plausible here on this earth and i think they could have avoided doing that by being a little less scifi with their creatures, and it would have made it so much better. but overall i liked it!! the cave is completely uncharted & Not an environment humans have any business surviving in so. yeah i want more movies just like that.

i Sorta have the similar beef with the movie sea fever? but it seems less out of place somehow. but also its more like.,,, boat horror?? less conflict takes place in the Water so it didnt rlly capture my interest the same tbh. but it was still worth watching imo!!

underwater was solid!! i rlly liked the aesthetics of it, i Loved the Creechure sm, plus like. having to travel so far underwater is so scary, the premise of going along the bottom of the ocean.,,, awful and exactly what i am looking for in a scary aquatic movie. thinits a bit more ,,?marvely than the rest almost. that isnt the right word but i hope it translates.

the meg was entertaining enough but overall i think im more interested in movies that explore unwelcoming habitats with unknown threats than movies that are strictly about big scary monsters. also there are ppl on tiktok who still think its possible for a megalodon to exist Currently so it just. bothers me

i was uninterested in jaws tbh? and i refuse to watch piranha bc,, swarms of things freak me out in a Different Way

Now onto the things i Havent seen yet:

ive been meaning to watch leviathan but its .,, Old. same with abyss. ill get to them soon i think!! but i dont rlly have high expectations. same with the reef

also i heard deep rising is rlly good, and its the next movie im gonna watch!! i am. excited >8)

and then i have a list of other movies i will watch at some point but seem much less interesting for various reasons such as:

deep blue sea, eurpoa report, sphere, endless descent

tho there are some books that peak my interest more than these movies, so who knows!! i heard the novel sphere is a lot better than the movie anyways.

[astronomical-bagel]

ok so i just went and listened to "you can't talk about bruno" bc I wanted to know what you were talking about and oh pls elaborate

SAJDHFSJF AAAAAAA TY TY FOR ASKING OKAY OKAY SO:

The reason why i originally thought of this was how scar like made all those contracts and still ended up alone and friendless, for one reason or the other. Everyone just kinda... avoided him, and either they didn't trust him or they were just too busy with their other alliances. Hence: We dont talk abt Scar. Kay? Kay. this might get a liiiittle lengthy and a tad incomprehensible so the rest is gonna be under the cut ahaha

So the castings are:

Pepa: Etho

Felix: Bdubs

(also if you havent watched the movie you NEED to watch this clip bc i LOVE their energy and etho and bdubs 100% do the tango while singing their part)

Dolores 1 (the "grew to live in fear of Bruno stuttering or stumbling" girl): Joel

Camilo ("seven-foot frame, rats along his back"): Ren

Isabella ("He told me that the life of my dreams"): Scott

Dolores 2 ("He told me that the man of my dreams would be just out of reach"): Grian

And Mirabel ("Um, Bruno/yeah, about that Bruno"): Scar himself

OKAY now we got the main casting lemme tell you WHY i cast them. (IMPORTANT: these guys are dissing on Scar to an unknown inquisitor, it doesnt matter who their talking to lollolol):

ethubs: I wanted to see them dance. WELL thats not the ONLY reason-- y'know the whole thing when etho got scar to give bdubs a life, PLUS all the fighting and burning of trees that happened w them? Etho's portion his him bashing on scar bc of that, calling him a swindler and stuff bc of the contracts (the "looks like rain" part is abt the tree arson haha) (ALSO this ties into the marriage counseler joke scar made lmao)

Okay and delores' first part is joel gossiping about scar basically. Since scar is his upstairs neighbor, he can "always hear him sort of muttering and mumbling". Scar's all alone despite doing his best not to be, as well as doing his crystal wizard stuff, he probably talks to himself a lot. OH and the "sound of falling sand" part is SO GOOD bc you can translate that into the clinking of crystals, the shuffling of papers, or YKNOW ACTUAL SAND BC DESERT DUO <3333. it works vv well and i love that line.

OH AND RENS BIT SLAPS SO HARD (A seven-foot frame, rats along his back/When he calls your name it all fades to black/Yeah, he sees your dreams and feasts on your screams) THAT FUCKS!! anyways i chose that for him bc 1.) Scar took ren's final life in third life and 2.) ren took scars final life in last life and 3.) that mean ren kinda has a grudge and you KNOW he likes to make any adversary of his seem as intimidating as possible (cough cough "his name is Mumbo Jumbo" cough cough). Hes such a theater kid too, it's perfect

OKAY and i didn't cast these up above bc theyre not named characters lol BUT its a bunch of people blaming more or less random things on Scar. "He told me my fish would die" could go to lizzie (i mean. im PRETTY sure shes the one w the axolotl), and the other ones could be jimmy blaming the fact that he died first again on him, and hmmm idk about the third guy BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER you could pick any grievance bc the point is that its not actually scar's fault lol

AND ISABELLAS PART is scott and listen this is one of my weaker castings okay. i almost made it grian but i REALLY wanted grian to be dolores's second part so this is just scot being all sparkly like "I won tee hee :3" ig??

(also the "Óye, Mariano's on his way" is pearl lol. Mariano is joel and grian sneaking into their base once again lololol)

OKAY AND DOLORES'S SECOND PART this one is grian because GOD i love sand duo and it features grian staring longingly at monopoly mountain bc theyre not allowed to team up bc of the new season ("just out of reach" and all that)

AND SCAR also doubles as mirabel bc idk it fts. Hes like "ahaha about all that...." AND AND AND i have this scene during the whole bangin medley part where everyone's singing at once where he has a whole bunch of contracts and crystals around him and theyre all doing their thing around him in like a circle (like ethubs doin their little dancy dance, ren doin his spooky story telling, ect ect ect) and the camera angle is like circling around him and the contracts whip up like a tornado AND ITS RLLY COOL AND ANGSTY AND DRAMATIC OKAY and it kinda reminds me of some Good for You animatics if that helps u imagine the visuals

OKAY THATS ALL OF MY RAMBLINGS THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT IT

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Yuugiroku Drama - Thumb-Sized Samurai Tracks 1-4 (of 7)

This is my last post of the month, so I’ll end by asking you to please support me if you can through my ko-fi, and paypal or patreon which provides access to my hakuoki blog translations and early access to my postings. Also, please let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my Lookout List since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that I can share.... and if you are able to remove watermarks from a video, please contact me.  

Well... I’m finally done with all that i can translate for this drama. posting these tracks all together since im unable to continue translating the rest of this by myself... which is something i wouldn’t normally do because i prefer splitting tracks up for more items on my queue, tho that’s also a side-effect of me usually not being able to stay focused on one drama... not sure when i’ll get to the subtitle videos for these since im still pretty busy (while i have the first 3 tracks of this drama subtitled [unedited], at this rate, i might just wait for when finals are done and just focus on all my videos in bulk then... plus ive yet to receive the tl for track 6 and 7 [and need someone else to go over where the voices overlap in track 5], so that will likely cause further delays to the videos for this drama).

also i totally caved in and exchanged points for the yuukoku no moriarty stage play file with chinese subs that someone finished translating recently and bought the blu-ray for the 2nd musical. havent craved more content from a fandom this badly since about a few months before i decided that i would start translating hakuoki stuff lol. 

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 2 Limited Edition Bonus Drama CD “Thumb-sized Samurai”

Translation by KumoriYami

Track 1

Kazama: hehehe~ Sure enough/As expected, this medicine's blend of Forsythia grass and boiled eel, along with my yearning and passion....

Heh.....hehehahaha~!!! Success at last! This forbidden drug, it shall be named ——the New Ishida Sanyaku · Changed/Improved!!

Hm~. as long as this strange drug  "the New Ishida Sanyaku" is improved, it will become a panacea that will make people fall deeply in love.......

She obviously loves me, [however] my wife is is unable to honestly admit to her feelings [and] is tormented by the pain of love-sickness/My wife, tortured by love sickness, has refused to admit her feelings, isn't this medicine suitable for her?

Alright/Well, now that this medicine has been completed, this must be quickly brought to my wife to drink.

No, wait, just in case, the effects of this must be tested first. (Kazama begins walking off somewhere—)

Track 2

Harada: So that's it/all, Hijikata-san, that's all I can report on. Sure enough/As expected, the team members' most pressing concern is the security of headquarters.

Saito: My opinions/suggestions are almost the same/similar/the same as Sano's. I believe that we need to improve our defences against intruders.

Hijikata: Is that so. I understand what you guys are saying. Harada and Saito, you've worked hard....... That being said, it's difficult to completely prevent intruders from coming in. This place is a temple, not a fortress. Even if we installed a fence now, that isn't really a good plan.

Saito:.....So what you're saying is......

Harada: But, shouldn't the area around Chizuru's room at least be fortified? It is true that someone is after her.

Saito: Kazama Chikage, Amagri and Shiranui [check audio], the self-proclaimed group of oni......

Hijikata:......Indeed. In short I need to consult with Kondou-san about this....... Then, that'll be it for today's report.

Saito: Then I'll go make some tea. You should rest first. Sano, you should also drink some.

Harada: Oh, thanks a lot. Then I won't be impolite [rephrase later].

(Saito leaves then returns shortly after)

Saito: I've brought the tea. This is fresh[ly brewed] and hot, so please be careful.

Harada: Thank you. I didn't expect this so quickly.

Hijikata: (sips tea)......Oh, what's this, Saito? Did you use some other tea leaves today?

Saito: Nn?......No, I haven't done that.

Hijikata: Really? Then why do I feel that this tastes different from usual?

Harada: You didn't put poison in did you?

Saito:......!! Don't say such frightening words, Sano. The idea of me poisoning the Vice-Commander is complete nonsense. [i prefer the word 'utter']

Harada: Don't get angry, I was just kidding. (sips tea).......but, like Hijikata-san said, the taste of this tea really is odd/strange [tl says 'subtle']......

Saito: Strange? How could that be...... (sips tea)....!!

Harada: What's wrong? You've suddenly become quiet.

Saito: This taste is of...... Ishida Sanyaku ！？

Hijikata: Ahaha, I was thinking that this tasted a bit familiar, so that's what it was........ wa, wait! Why was that put into the tea!?

Harada: Saito..... you bastard, did you actually put Ishida Sanyaku into tea/you didn't actually put Ishida Sanyaku into tea did you? Even if you love that stuff, you should know when to stop before going too far [idiom. rephrase later]!

Saito: No......I would remember doing something like that. I only saw that the teapot lid was open, that there were tea leaves already inside, and that I was thinking how it could easily be brought over to be used......

Hijikata:......There was already tea inside? Did you notice if there was something strange/weird in the surroundings?

Saito: Speaking of which........ I saw something, I thought it was garbage so I ignored it, I think I remember how a note there was a written note saying "dedicated/specially for my wife. Dogs are strictly prohibited to touch this" or something like that.......

Hijikata: What, those words. From where do they....seem... familiar.......

(Hijikata collapses)

Saito: Vice-Commander!!

Harada: oi~ oi!! What's wrong, Hijikata-san! Why are you/why did you suddenly....... falling/collapsing/fall/collapse......!!

(Harada collapses)

Saito: Sano!! Why are you also......!!.......Why am I/How can I.......also....... be fainting........!

(Saito collapses)

Track 3

(footsteps)

Souji: Ha...... good grief, this is a real problem. I've long wanted to say this, but why is it necessary for us to submit a report about our patrols when nothing unusual happened?

Heisuke: I actually think that way too. But nothing can be done about this because of the rules~

Souji: Anyway, if nothing unusual happens, isn't it enough for Heisuke to make the report/that you make the report, Heisuke? I don't think I should be involved in giving it~

Heisuke: You just don't want to go to Hijikata-san's room. If you were giving a report to Kondou-san, you'd obviously be very happy.

Souji: That's because Hijikata-san sees me he won't stop talking as soon as he sees me. Before this, all I did was secretly prepared some ink and smeared a stone into it so that it turned black. He surprisingly became furious at me.

Heisuke:......Anyone who experienced this kind of thing would get really angry.......  Hijikata-san, we're coming in. (they stop walking and open a door) Hey~ Hijikata-san~! Eh? Ah? It seems that he isn't here?

Souji:......But, doesn't it look like he was was recently in the room? Look, something spilled on to the floor.

Heisuke: What~? Is it possible that he wasn't careful and spilled his teacup, then panicked as he left to go and get a towel to dry this?

Souji: Maybe. Anyhow/Speaking of which...... besides the tea, there seems to be some other strange thing on the floor...... What is this?

Heisuke:......Hijikata-san, Sano-san, and Hajime-kun? What are these, these puppets/figurines [or dolls] look very well made. These might be Hijikata-san's things, so it'd be better not to touch them.

Souji: Anyway it seems like he's not in his room right now. Nothing to be done about it then~ [we'll] hand in our report later.

Heisuke: Yeah. Really, just where did he go......

(they open the door and leave the room)

Track 4

Harada: Saito...... Oi, Saito...! Wake up, I'm telling you to wake up!

Saito:.......Mm...mrgh... S-Sano?

Harada: Yeah.... oh, wait a sec! It's good that you're awake, but you can't open your eyes yet!...... Well, how should I put this...... you need to be mentally prepared......

Saito:.....? What are you saying? What mental preparations......?

~music tune~

Saito:.......!! Sano!?………………Sano?

Harada: Why is that a question? Without a doubt, it's me, Harada Sanosuke.

Saito: No....... But, the Sano I know, doesn't have that height......

Harada: Don't worry, you've become just like me. Just look down at your own body.

Saito:.....!!  Even my sword is unsteady in these smaller hands, and if I step forward, there's the risk of falling over because this extremely big head..... What the hell happened to my body...!

Harada: I'll say it first, but this isn't a dream. Because I've already my face quite a few times.

Saito:......This lowly/humble body...... let alone moving, won't I be useless to the vice-commander and be unable to contribute to the Shinsengumi!?

Harada: In a sense, I don't think you'll need to worry about that? Take a look/Look, Hijikata-san has also become like/also looks like this.

~music tune~

Hijikata: Ah...... damn it......! My hands and feet [arms and legs] have gotten shorter, and everything else [tl is surroundings/everything in the surrounding] has become incredibly large......!

Saito: E-Even the Vice-Commander.....!? Why do you [also] have this awkward appearance......!!

Hijikata: Saito, you're awake. I just woke up...... Oi, Harada, why on earth have we become/do we look like this!

Harada: Even if you ask me that, I have no idea/I don't know. I was like this when I woke up.

Hijikata: Yeah....... well, since the three of us have all become like this, it's obvious/goes without saying that the pot of tea was strange.

Harada: Yeah. To begin with, it's strange to have tasted Ishida Sanyaku in tea.

Saito:......I see. That is to say that this is all due to Ishida Sanyaku......

Hijikata: No, that's impossible......

Saito: Ishida Sanyaku is a medicine that is meant to be taken with sake, because it was deviously put into tea, this sort of of trouble happened.......

???: Che~ how stupid [tl is more "stupid beyond the point of help/redemption but i can't figure out how to word that]! Devious? It's shameless to even guess/speculate about this [reword later].

Harada:......! That arrogant voice......! Kazama!!?!?

Hiijikata: You bastard! Are you actually here to harass Chizuru again[??? there's an idiom used in this sentence that I don't really get so i omitted it]!? Where the hell are you hiding!?

Kazama: HAH~! Are your eyes just decorations?  I don't run or hide, so are you not able to see who is before your eyes?

~music tune~

Saito: Ha....... so you've also become like this...

Harada: I couldn't help but look up just now ['doubt my eyes'ish or 'look away'.... or something?] . (whispers) Ha.... It turned out be some random passerby.

Kazama: You bastard, sighing after looking at someone else's face, you really know nothing about etiquette!

Hijikata:: After breaking into someone's home, it goes without saying that etiquette will go to the dogs [reword later]! Alright, Saito, Harada! Let's drive this guy out of headquarters!

Saito: Understood (draws sword)

Kazama: Ah~ do you plan on fighting me with that poor body of yours?

Hijikata: Look at yourself, aren't you also the same!?

Harada: Speaking of that guy, why are you even here?.... Don't tell me that it was your plan to make our bodies smaller!?

Kazama: Ha, have you finally noticed it. You idiots/fools with no brains.

Saito: In other words, this is all that guy's fault?! Making all of our bodies smaller, what do you intend on doing?!

Kazama: It has nothing to do with you. I was only looking for my wife.... Yes, only just my wife.... That damn vile medicine!! To actually make turn me into this inferior article!!

Hijikata: Although I don't get why you're so upset, quit rambling, and hurry up and tell us the way to get us back to normal!

Kazama:.......Che.

Saito: You still won't talk. Then violence can be the only answer [reword later. don't like how it reads]...!

Harada: Hold it, Saito!

Saito: Why are you stopping me, Sano! If we don't get the answer out of that guy's mouth, we won't be able to get our bodies back to normal!

Harada: Don't you think it's a bit strange? Kazama was originally the culprit with that medicine, but why is that guy so small now? If he was able to get back to normal, he already would have done that!

Hijikata: Co-Could it be.... you're not going to say that you don't know how to get us back to normal, right!

Kazama:  Did you finally realize it? You idiots with no intelligence!

Harada: Uwah....... I really want to beat him up......

Saito: Vice-Commander, please give me the order to cut that guy down!

Kazama: Che, listen to me! It's not that I don't know how to restore us to our original states. It's just that this method will be extremely difficult to accomplish.

Hijikata:……Difficult [Difficult how]……?

Kazama: It's simple to get back to our original states. The teapot with the medicine in it is still in the kitchen. We just need to drink more of that medicine, the "New and Improved Ishida Sanyaku."

Harada: I feel that I want to complain about the name of that medicine since it's a bit too subtle.... But will that really work?!

Kazama: Of course. As I possess the noble bloodline of the oni, it's impossible for me to lie.

Hijikata: For the time being, we'll believe what you say. For the time being, we'll believe what you say. You said it'd be difficult, but shouldn't being able to get into the kitchen smoothly, be the only problem? 

Saito: Indeed. Just from the drop to the ground, which looks as high a wall, you can definitely infer how difficult it will be to get to the kitchen...

Kazama: That's right. As a dog who can only wag his head and wag his tail, that ability to understand is really good.

Harada: How is it that I feel angry whenever I hear you say something nasty [reword later].... Well, since we're like this, if we have more people, we'll be able to solve this problem sooner.

Hijikata: Speaking of which...... if someone would pass by/if someone just passed by......

(voices heard in distance)

Souji: Eh~ really, I don't always want to be doing this every time~

Heisuke: Don't say that. Hijikata-san should be back at his room now, right?

Hijikata: Those voices just now...... are Souji and Heisuke's?

Saito: Souji! Heisuke! Come here......! Mmph......! (mouth gets covered by Harada)

Harada: Don't be impulsive, Saito!!

Saito (weakly) What are you doing......!

Harada: I'm telling you/Listen [to me], just think about it! Even if Heisuke helps, the other person there is Souji!

Hijikata: If that guy finds out that we're tiny/this small, who knows how he would react!

Saito: (gasps and moves Harada's hand away) Ha...... Indeed, he'd treat us like toys and handle us as if we were straw...... just imagining that gives me the chills [reword later]......

Kazama: Che, as expected of a pack of dogs made up of rogues and villains. It's amazing that how you don't even have confidence/trust in your own companions.

Hijikata: Shut up! Under these circumstances...! Perhaps Souji is the only exception!

Harada: In the first place, what should we be doing, Hijikata-san? We have to do something, so should we just tell Heisuke about what happened?

Hijikata: Uh………… No, let's pretend to be dolls for a while. After, we can wait for Yamazaki or maybe Gen-san....... ah, there's still Chizuru, [but] we should wait for someone reasonable to pass by.

Kazama: What are you saying? You're actually telling me to pretend to be a doll [reword later]!?

Hijikata; Shut up and just do as I say! Even if it's you, if you can't get back to normal, won't you have a lot of problems!

Kazama: Che. There's nothing to be done/that can be done about it then.

Harada: Heisuke's coming! Everyone stop talking!

(door slides open)

Heisuke: Hijikata-san~!  Hah!? Still not here......

Okita: That's strange. I just heard a very quiet voice just now, so I thought Hajime-kun was here. (looks around) Anyhow, why have these dolls that were placed here, so scattered around [reword later/thesaurus]? Furthermore, this/And this strange doll with blond hair, I don't remember seeing it earlier.  

Toudou: What is this, a doll of Kazama? There's even one of one of Sano-san, but why isn't there one of these odd dolls of you or me, Souji?

(Heisuke pokes Kazama's head)

Kazama: You bastard......! The only one in the world who is allowed to touch me, is my wife...!

Harada: Come on, don't talk, just be patient!

Souji: These two figures look very much like Hijikata-san and Hajime-kun... Come look at them, they look pretty funny/interesting~

(Souji pokes Hijikata's head)

Hijikata:………………！！！！

Saito:…………！

Okita: Nn? I seemed to have heard something strange?

Harada: Well since these are Hijikata-san's things, if you play around too much with them, he'll get super angry~

Souji: That's right. But, if we just leave them here like this, isn't it likely for that cat to play around with them [reword later]?

Heisuke: It's as you say though since they were already left in a mess, maybe that cat messed them up [reword later].

Souji: In that case, why don't we just put them all into a box? They can be also put into a closet where the cat won't be able to reach them.

Saito: ………………What!?

Harada: If that happens, won't we be unable to move!?

Hijikata: This bastard/guy, he just had to come up with such a rotten idea right now!

Heisuke: Let's hold onto them for the time being then. Anyway, we still need to come back later and give give the report for our patrol. At the time, we can return these to Hijikata-san.

Souji: You're not thinking about taking these back to your room to prank them because you're upset about the faces of these dolls, right [i think? reword later]?

Heisuke: This idea of yours won't be any good/You're the only one who would come up with such a bad idea... well, then I'll take the Sano-san and Kazama dolls for to hold onto for safekeeping.

Kazama: Kuh......! Things are getting more and more complicated...

--To be continued...?---

[calocera]

SPOILERS FOR CATS 2019, here’s my hot takes and opinions

be warned, THIS IS LOOOONG

First off my overall opinion, i LITERALLY cannot say whether it was good or bad, like lots of critics say it just...is beyond that. It’s VERY fun and that’s all I can bring myself to say, I have LOTS of problems with it but I can’t even say that they make the movie bad. It is definitely worth watching

OPINIONS ON CHARACTERS:

Victoria: she’s good! I appreciate that they kinda left her personality blank other than her innocence since that’s pretty much how she always was, still not super thrilled with her as a main character but franchesca did the best she could

Munkustrap: I loved him! he was more of a main character than I would have expected, but they STILL cut all the charm from his lines... why do I love him then? Robbie fairchild did AMAZING background acting, whenever he was in frame he was always doing something SUPER munkustrap-y and making cute dad faces. he was dealt bad lines but he worked around it best he could. Also his legs were normal so...epic fail

Mistoffelees: 😒😒😒😒😒🤢🤢🤮 disappointed but not at all surprised...he was just a Woobie, a softboy uwu nice guy. I felt like I was seeing fanon 2013 loki in cat form. THEY MADE HIS SONG A SADBOY PITY PARTY SONG...WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE 11 O’CLOCK NUMBER SLOW AND SAD???? Where is the smug little shit who’s vague and aloof yet confident and joyous? He was murdered by his evil homophobic shadow clone. I’m not even gunna indulge the fact that him and Victoria were a thing, I’ll go over that later. He also just constantly looked like the crying cat meme his eyes were so red and watery it was horrifying, yet somehow he wasn’t the worst character , that leads us too.....

tugger: what.the.fuck.did.you.do.to.this.boy. HE GOT THE TREATMENT I EXPECTED FOR MUNKUSTRAP! HE WAS DEMOTED TO BACKGROUND CHARACTER! not only did he not sing mr. mistoffelees, he literally did nothing other than his song, he never interacted with ANY characters besides jenny in 1 scene. I know cats has no set main characters but he’s undoubtedly one of the most important characters and he’s like...the least important named character in the movie. ALSO Jason Derulo was not sexy at all. There was NO hip thrusting NO sexy meowing NO glamrock, he was just an asshole and if I hadn’t already seen the original I would have either completely forgotten about his character or though he was the worst character. I’m so fucking angy I cannot express.

Girzzabella: ngl I expected better. Her acting was great but with the horrible effects I couldnt get invested but I’ll touch on the effects later. Her singing was good, but I expected it to carry the movie and it wasn’t at all the best song in the movie, I’d say she’s about as good as I expected she’d be but the movie itself was more enjoyable than I expected so she was less significant

Old d: she was fine, she LOOKED the part definitely, she didn’t have as large a presence as ken page but I wouldnt expect that of her. Her singing wasn’t the greatest though, her voice is fine by it’s just NOT suited to old d’s songs. I would have preferred she play a female gus bc her voice is very sweet and frail, not at all built for belting like her songs required.

Macavity: he’s just...eh. He’s basically a comic relief villain which sucks. He does practically nothing besides kidnap people, say a cheesy line, and act like a caricature of a 90s cartoon villain (and not one of the fun ones) like theres a scene where he poofs away and when he does it he goes, MACAvityyyyyyy and fades away its so unintentionally funny but it just makes him so lame as a villain. not to mention he doesnt even die at the end or get any satisfying conclusion he just gets stuck on top of a statue and his powers suddenly stop working (for some reason??)

Bombalurina: fuck that, I am simultaneously glad she only was in the macavity number bc fuck off Taylor Swift but also disappointed bc she deserved so much better.

Bustopher: 😟 never in my darkest nightmares did I think I’d see bustopher Jones deepthroat multiple crayfish but here we are. Somehow THIS was the most sexual song, I cannot begin to name the fetishes checked off by this performance bc itd hit word limit. Let me just say that I said multiple times out loud, “damn bustopher kinda a freak with it 😏😏” like I CANNOT stress how weirdly sexual it gets. And ofc its all otherwise just haha funney fat guy eat food and burp and fall down. He also breaks the fourth wall a few times which like, fuck you

Jenny: exactly what was shown in the trailer. Unfunny fat jokes and slapstick humor. Also they focused WAY too many shots on her cat pussy and I wish I was making that up. Also of note is that the cgi on the rats and cockroaches are drastically worse than the rest of the movie, like not just bad designs the effects are BAD. also they translated they whole gumbie cat fur-shedding as her wearing fake skin over her outfit which would be fine but UHH the fake fur is skin tight??? so it literally looks like shes ripping off her skin and she does it multiple times its fucking terrifying

Mungojerrie and rumpelteazer: meh, they are fine as characters, not quite as energetic as I would have liked but they didn’t massively fuck anything up? The song was horrible, they went against the beat for...some reason? Like it’s a song with a very distinct rhythm and they split up the lyrics so weirdly. I liked that they followed through with the lore of them working for macavity

Skimbleshanks: YES YESSSSSSSSSS HOLY FUCKING SHIT 💗💕💖💞💜😳😳😳😳😳😳😳💜💛🧡💚💖❤️💗 i absolutely CANNOT express how good skimbleshanks made me feel. He looks like a leather daddy with his chains and suspenders and hat and stache, I hate that I’m saying this but uh...mr skimbleshanks sir😳 we were actually screaming it was so fucking good. Watching this movie was worth it just for skimble. Unironically. I’m listening to the song as we speak. It was kinda weird that they moved the tap dancing to this song but that’s more of a detractor from Jennie’s and a plus side to skimbles since it’s good tap

Gus: good! Ian did a good job of course, no one doubted that he would.

Growltiger and griddlebone: not racist but still absolutely horrifying. One of the worst parts of the movie, I actually got squeamish looking at griddlebone a few times that’s how bad she looks

Everyone else: not that good. I couldn’t tell who was who, all their personalities were annoying, I’m on imdb as we speak trying to figure out who even was supposed to be who. Demeter is completely butchered and jemima just isn’t there, doesn’t sing her part, it all sucked man.

Tech talk:

CGI: okay so here’s the thing, the effects are good. GREAT even, the issue is how fucking horrible the designs are. The lack of cat nose, mouth, and hairy cheeks makes them all look disgusting. Also the feet. Holy fuck why do they have feet. THERES A FUCKING SCENE WHERE TUGGER GRABS VICTORIAS FOOT AND SNIFFS IT. IT LASTS LIKE 5 SECONDS. Old Deuteronomy, Gus, and Cassandra (bc she was already bald) are the only characters I’d say look anywhere close to decent, grizabella looks okay in profile but head on it’s all horrible again. its really such a shame bc the sets are gorgeous! i really hope this movie gets some form of recognition for its sets.

the editing and directing was DOGSHITTTTTTT there are SO many scenes where characters just teleport or parts where people are singing and no ones mouths are moving its really distracting

Other things:

it’s OBVIOUS that the critics calling this movie horny have never seen the original. I’d definitely say the movie is LESS HORNY than the play. It IS however waaaaaaay more uncomfortable with its hornieness, so I’d say in that regard YES, the horny stuff is much more gratuitous and off putting despite there being an overall smaller amount than the play. ie everything bustopher jones does

They changed a BUNCH of lyrics for some reason?? Like they cut verses which I understand but there are like a handful of lyrics in almost every song they just...change. like...okay? All changing lyrics is gunna do is make people who knew the songs frustrated when they can’t sing along

the dancing was incredible! shame the cg just fucking invalidates all of it bc your mind doesnt register it as real people doing real moves

OKAY THE FUCKING CATNIP SCENE so when taylor swift showers everyone in catnip they all just fucking start moaning and go FULL HORNY its TOO MUCH like misto full on does an o face like eyes rolled back mouth open  and munkustrap is like ass up panting i still havent processed it im fucking terrified to encounter it again. they cut the orgy? yet added THIS??? k

WHY did they take 2 of the most iconic characters who FREQUENTLY interact and just

a. Never even have them make eye contact

b. Make 1 a background character

c. Completely change the personality of the other one

On the topic of Victoria/misto: I am just still at a loss as to why they thought it’d be a good idea? They completely removed Plato and for what? This? Pathetic. It’s worth noting the weirdly munkustrap has WAYYY more chemistry with both Victoria AND mistoffelees then they did with each other (there’s a part where it looks like misto and munk are about to kiss for some reason?? munk ALSO gets all touchy feely with skimbleshanks???) anyways munkustrap king moments

tldr; its worth watching, the best parts were the sets, the dancing, skimbleshanks, and munkustrp fucking CARRIES the weight of the world with his face acting. the worst things were a big fat tie between bustopher, tugger,misto,jenny,growltiger and griddlebone, and the godawful design choices

[eulaties]

final thoughts about unlucky mansion !!! <3

spoilers under the cut! read at your own risk :)

DSJKGHDFSKJG THAT WAS LITERALLY SO GOOD I LOVE UNLUCKY MANSION SO FUCKING MUCH!!! i loved the open-ended ending that was  basically “life will go on, and we’ll be happy as long as we’re together” and i just 💘💖💗💓💝💞 im so happy that eun joo and woo jin esp can finally move onto the next chapter in their lives, together, with each other at their sides :)

let me touch on a few topics:

1. chae min going to australia and finding her own happiness after having sung woo help her realize how to do that :) man i just love her character and she literally deserves this. also lmao the fact that she got a crush on sung woo and said alright i am going 2 leave to an entirely different country now peace out

now that i’m rereading unlucky mansion (ik i just finished it but it cant be helped) i realize just how cynical and self-destructive chae min used to be. im really happy for her and her decision to finally let herself be happy :)

“it looks like happiness is a really heavy thing to you, noona. but happiness is just when you eat good food, when you see a movie you like for the third time...or maybe when you’re walking down the street and get excited by a song that you can hear from a nearby store. it’s not something that heavy. happiness is becoming happy when you want to. if you’re ready to receive it, you can become happy at any time.” -sung woo, ch. 68

2. NO THOUGHTS ONLY EUN JOO AND WOO JIN...LOVE THEM BOTH THEY’RE SO LUCKY TO HAVE EACH OTHER I AHDSJFHDGH <333

“it’s not winning against despair and fear, but rather sitting down together and sharing like you’re at a meal. once you share, hope will emerge and the problem will be solved...well, what i’m trying to say is don’t keep everything in and suffer by yourself.” -eun joo, ch. 20

“you portrayed forgetting your family and living as a bad thing in there, but to be honest, we’re not a hero like odysseus—we’re just normal people. as normal people get close and obsessed with each other, they’ll suffer. even if you became a bit of a bad person...it’s more important for you to forget the sad memories and become happy from further away. you have to be happy.” -eun joo, ch. 70

“even though we love words that dash for the conclusion like electrons, because we can’t properly see the ending for our story...because we continued to wander and seek out our own paths to get here—we could understand each other’s scars, and have no choice but to love each other.” -woo jin, ch. 70 

3. EUN JOO BEING SUCCESSFUL! i love that for her! especially bc i also wanna be a (potential!) fashion designer one day it was just so fucking cool to see her at work and in her element. man im just so happy for her and she’s come a long way, especially from the beginning of the story. also her personality and style is just kickass

4. WOO JIN RECONCILING WITH HIS BROTHER AND MOVING ON!! loved this. everything was executed perfectly. it was super emotional at points, and i really felt the despair :( but in the end, his brother’s surgery went well, and woo jin learned how to live his own life without feeling any unnecessary guilt over things he had no control over and i just :) also that acceptance speech was just so badass!!! what a king !! also love his hello kitty collection it’s very admirable

5. kwon hi and kwon joon <3 my favorite orange twins hehe. i feel sad that kwon joon broke up with his girlfriend and he failed his singing audition, but ig it’s just life i suppose T_T wishing him more success in the future! and i also just love their sibling dynamic in general :)

6. i really love the art. it’s just so fitting for the story, and the way panels are drawn, and the color palettes used, it’s just *chefs kiss* so beautiful!! so much art appreciation <3

7. the writing, plot, and story were phenomenal. i love how it turned a basic, typical trope (living together with roommates) and turned it into something compelling, complex, and interesting to read about. all of the character dynamics and interactions were just so fun to read about, and literally everyone had chemistry w each other in unlucky mansion (by which i mostly mean platonic chemistry, except for woo jin and eun joo they had hella romantic chemistry lmfao). the author also touched on some deep topics that really resonated with me, and the conflicts that the characters faced were super relatable and things i could empathize with. plus, the humor and expressions the characters made were top notch! the emotional scenes were so heart wrenching too haha ;; overall, there was a great mix of emotional and comical scenes and the writing of the relationship & character developments were super organic and...human. 

8. i wish we saw a eun joo and woo jin wedding but it’s okay the last panel of them together is good enough T_T

i can rest easy now...im so glad that i finally got to read season 3 of unlucky mansion!! (even though i had to read raws and the english translation on mystic’s tumblr at the same time - which, by the way, was an Experience and honestly kinda fun. it spiced things up)

i know im going to be rereading this manhwa for years to come, and im honestly surprised that i havent read this sooner - but im glad i read it now and the memories that came with reading it will be happy and heartfelt. 

(i literally feel so much serotonin rn im smiling so much)

alright, peace out! that’s all for today, folks 😊

- sonia 🌸

[actuallyadork]

Getting started learning Japanese.

Here’s some resources I’m using to learn Japanese and what I think they do well and not so well. This is all based on my own experiences and what works best for me.

I will be rating based on the following criteria: Cost, Is it easy to use?, How much does it cover?, Pros, Cons, Overall impression.

Tofugu

I’m replacing a previous recommendation with this one. Far superior. I’ll just get right to it.

Free. Easy to use.

Pros: articles on just about everything. Theres a podcast. And every month they post resources for learning japanese. I highly recommend this website for these posts alone.

Cons: some content you gotta pay for but as far as i know they don’t duck around with people’s trust. They are the creators of wanikani and they gotta make money somehow.

Overall: far more useful that the first website i had on here. Maybe I’ll add more details later, but I just wanted to update this one as quickly as possible.

Japanese from Zero (video series)

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOcym2c7xnBwU12Flkm5RcLIEhvURQ8TB

Cost: free

Easy to use: yes. Theres a nice playlist so all you have to do is sit and watch.

How much does it cover: You start out knowing absolutely no japanese and by the end of lessons you will know two writing systems. Basic sentence patterns and grammar. There is even a kanji series.

Pros: nothing is easier than sitting and watching videos to learn. You can play it anywhere at anytime. George has been teaching/speaking Japanese for years so he knows where students get stuck. He gives good explanations and examples on when to use new content and when not to use the new content.

Cons: because its a series, sometimes George refers to previous lessons or his book and you may be missing some context if you start in the middle or skip through some lessons.

Overall: The first lessons were painful to get through because It starts out with romanization and if you already know the writing systems, seeing the romaji on screen is like listening to nails on chalk. Not to mention I have a personal beef with numbers and counting as well as the common phrases like “おはよう”

But it is called Japanese from Zero and it is meant for someone who knows absolutely nothing about japanese so I can forgive the painful beggining lessons. Once I got past the introductory stuff the videos became more enjoyable.

Duolingo (app)

Cost: free

Easy to use: yes

How much does it cover: basic japanese sentence patterns, all three writing systems and a handful of new vocabulary.

Pros: teaches new words and sentence patterns and really drills them into your head. Gives you a few new words at a time so you can take the time to learn them without being distracted from all the other words you need to learn. You can go into the course as a Japanese person trying to learn English and really get the most out of Duolingo because the japanese version starts out with Kanji and even gives polite and casual sentence forms.

Cons: very repetitive. I don’t find fault with this but a coworker of mine found this to be very annoying and I can understand why. Duolingo says the lessons will get harder but instead its the same lesson except now you have to review it 10 times instead of 5. That’s not exactly hard, that’s just tedious. My biggest gripe with duolingo is that it doesn’t explain particles or why the kanji has different readings. In order to figure that out I had to go and do my own research which isn’t a big deal but if you’re only using duolingo by itself it makes it harder to understand why you keep getting things incorrect and subsequently how to fix it.

Overall: I will admit I am biased towards duolingo because I’ve used it for Spanish, French, Italian, and now Japanese. I was there from it’s early days when it was absolute shit and it has come a long way. I recognize the issues with Duolingo right now but I know that they are constantly updating. Painful as it may be to keep hearing 六時六分です it really is teaching you sentence patterns that you can use to make your own sentences. You just have to go out and do a little extra work yourself. It is, by far, the easiest to use and the method I use everyday.

TinyCards (app)

Cost: free

Easy to use: yes

How much does it cover: it covers a lot of vocabulary phrases and even sentences. You can probably get a lot mileage out of this one if used correctly and if you’re willing to put in the work

Pros: dozens of pre-made flashcards to choose from and the ability to make your own. Cards come in sets that you can unlock by finishing the first set similar to duolingo. A lot of other flashcard apps work in a similar way except they make you pay for the rest so I appreciate that this one is free of charge. Plus you can find flashcards specifically from the duolingo courses so you can study the vocabulary in isolation rather than in a sentence. Interactive flashcard system. So you don’t just flip cards and call it a day, occasionally you will have to write out the translation in the target language or pick from several choices.

Cons: the difficulty can be a little inconsistent. Sometimes you just flip a card and say I remember that one and other times you’ll have to translate a full sentence in Japanese. Even if you get the kanji right, you may get the answer incorrect because the card wants the hiragana and vice versa. And because there are so many card sets to choose from, not all of them are useful.

Overall: a sister app to duolingo it seems. Cards come from the community of learners and are not limited to japanese or languages. You can also learn about history, art and pretty much anything else. I appreciate the interactive aspect as most other apps don’t do this and the ones that do are muuuch more inconsistent than this one. I found similar interactive flashcard apps that would sometimes show Vietnamese translations instead of English translations. I’ve only recently been using this one but I pretty much gave up on using other similar apps bc they were very inconsistent. I haven’t used it very much though because I’ve discovered that I’m not a flashcard learner. If you learn best with flashcards then I would recommend it.

Tae Kim’s Guide to Japanese (website/pdf/app)

Cost: free

Easy to use: relatively. Just read the damn thing. I get it though. Reading is very tedious

What it covers: It really is a beginner to advanced beginner guide covering the same things as all the above. Basic grammar, writing systems and such. One thing that is very unique about Tae Kim’s guide however is that it also includes cultural notes such as explaining casual vs polite speech. Male vs female speech that a lot of the other resources don’t even touch on

Pros: A very good starting point that covers so so much. The website has an option to show/toggle translations. Additional cultural notes plus examples. Almost every“how to learn japanese” guide points to this website

Cons: one of the reasons I was holding out on making this list was because I haven’t finished going through all the resources so I don’t have any cons for this yet. I’m only part-way through and I’ve yet to have any issues with it. Maybe just that once it gets the point across it immediately moves on. You don’t really have time to digest the content so It’s like a very in-depth crash course in japanese. You may need to go out and do extra research in order to really understand the content. If you don’t understand what is being taught, just read over it again and keep it in mind. I’ve found that I’ll come across more examples as I continue my studies and it all starts to fall into place

Overall: It doesn’t sugarcoat Japanese or treat the learner like a baby. If you read the introductory page, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Definitely influenced my approach to learning despite not having gone through all of it. Like other resources, it builds on top of topics already covered but it’s nice having a book-format with conjugation charts and lessons separated by chapters. Videos and podcasts are nice but Tae Kim’s guide also acts as a manual to supplement your learning. Maybe you want to write a sentence in the masu-form and need a quick reminder? Just flip to the page in the guide. No skipping through videos trying to find the part you need because it’s already there.

Manga Sensei (podcast/website)

Cost: mostly free. I believe theres some extra stuff you can purchase. I’ve seen a special podcast that requires payment and comes along with a free pdf. But for the most part, you get a lot of free content.

Easy to use: relatively. Havent been on the website much so for all i know it could be a mess

What it covers: the podcast covers a lot of grammar points and occasional vocabulary and cultural notes. Gives you a good foundation to build on top of. The website has more details on what the podcasts are about but I haven’t spent much time on the website as I have the podcast.

Pros: grammar points in 5 minutes or less. Differences between common words. Good for improving listening skills. If you’re driving or on a bus, you can learn on the go.

Cons: so much to choose from you kinda have to sift through what you need. Most of it is useful and there are a couple of repeat lessons as Manga-Sensei has a beginner’s guide every year. Because its audio only, you may be learning new words and grammar but you may not be able to identify them as quickly on paper. Best to supplement with some type of visual. I believe the website has something to solve this and I’ve heard there is a youtube channel as well? Although I am not sure.

Overall: If you’re going on a long car ride, folding your laundry or even just working-out, this is a great way to stay on top of your studies. Manga-Sensei has talked a lot about his projects such as his manga, alternate podcasts, and pdf. Even though I haven’t taken a look at all of them, it’s clear he’s working hard to bring content for listening, reading, and conversation skills. That being said, the podcast is just as good for learning as any other method. You can still understand the lessons (which are meant to be short and simple anyway)

Japanese Ammo with Misa (Video Series)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBSyd8tXJoEJKIXfrwkPdbA

Cost: free although she has a Patreon as well if you want to support her.

Easy to use: yep

How much does it cover: A Lot. From basic videos about grammar to more complex videos breaking down japanese songs as well common phrases and little notes that you may not find in a textbook

Pros: Her lessons have a lot of examples and good breakdowns of the grammar and tense. If a verb is in the past-negative tense, she will break down how to get to that point from the plain form or dictionary form. The best part about her videos is that she has her examples on-screen and color-coded. It may seem like a lot at first, but once you adjust to it, it helps to retain the information.

Cons: Because there’s so much content packed into her lessons, I recommend getting a basic knowledge of Japanese first. She has a video series for basic/introductory Japanese. I would suggest starting with that series or George’s series, or Tae Kim’s guide. Just so you don’t get an information overload.

Overall: There is one video in particular that I recommend to watch and I’ll make another post about it, but I really enjoy her content. Even though some of her videos are very dense with information, the comments suggest that its still easy to follow. I just think that while you can still learn a lot as a newbie, you might retain more if you already understand some grammar.

Japanese (app)

Cost: free holy shit!!

Easy to use: relatively

Pros: search using english, japanese, radicals, or drawing the kanji itself. Flashcard system, where you can build your own decks or use a pre-made one. The flashcards operate on a spaced repetition system. Plus it provides example sentences, compound breakdowns, stroke order, conjugations and JLPT level.

Cons: The drawing search method is sometimes hit or miss but i’m impressed the app has this option at all, let alone that it does not crash the app (like some others I’ve tried). The pre-made decks can have up to 400 words or more which is great if you have that kind of patience but I rarely find myself excited to sift through all of those words only to have about 10 of them be useful to me.

Overall: Okay it’s not like this app is super amazing or revolutionary but it’s a dictionary and flashcard sytem all in one. Say you want to keep a record of the new words you learn to refer back to them later? Make a new deck! Or if you’re reading a book or newspaper and come across a word you don’t know? Add it to the list or make a new deck! I try use new words as often as possible to drill them into my head And although my studying has slowed a bit, this app is perfect to double-check spelling and usage. (At least until jisho.org gets an app). Plus it’s easier to learn and remember words when you’ve come across them on your own.

[dojae-huh]

Neo culture

aoxmomo wrote

“regarding your thoughts on jae doing these vlogs, vlives etc., i saw someone else point out that when he does these ‘engaging with fans’/glance into my “’'private”’ life posts/content, he’s doing it alone vs how other members’ content of this type often has them doing things together. i think you mentioned it, but since sm is trying to push nct for global recognition, theyre really hammering the daily social media content in a way they havent seemed to with their other groups. my theory is because social media engagement was honestly the key to bts’ huge fanbase, no other idol group was engaging as actively with their fans liek that at the time (i also think zayn leaving 1d in 2015 created a huge flux of international fans to kpop, and bts had huge amount of translated content for brokenhearted directioners to latch onto lol), and obvsiously other idols companies caught on. so the daily content is pushed to keep up amongst the saturated market & continue towards global recognition. so to meet this  they allow members to request to do things to post (ie johnny with jcc, dy posting covers, etc) but then i suspect the rest is a mix of management pushing certain activites or literally telling members ‘u must make content, meet ur quota’; anyways all of this was preface to me saying i suspect the content jaehyun does (or any member maybe) is not always his idea necessarily but rather bc jh is a popular member that fans want content of, sm has him do these daily type vlogs/lives, and so thus jaehyun just stikcs to what he is comfortable with aka being alone (allows him to control his image more easily) and doing his hobbies. “i have to post content? ok well its going to be me literally sitting in a hotel room listening to mellow horny music and washing my face.“ 

obviously all of this is just my theory, but i feel like its a combination of the above plus his competitive streak plus him knowing what he needs to do for job security/success. and that success giving him some cards to play if needed to protect him & dy is definitely bonus”

———————–

I agree with you. Whoever was hired by SM to manage the group’s social media engagement is doing a fine work. Editors put vids together in a night, photographs from every backstage, self-cams, JCC, Do’s covers, frestyle dances, Throw back “Friday” days on twitter for members, personal vlives, TMIs, etc. The first year after the debut SM followed the old scheme of designating each member an image, a particular role, but with time it got the smell of the wind of change and let the members be themselves (very polite, very “clean”, but not something artificial). 

There is definetely a quota to meet, however some members do extra content. You don’t see Taeil posting personal vlives or Woo spamming twitter with selcas. 

So Jae’s productivity is remarkble. And the way he does it. Jeno is all over the channel, but he does cute, innocent stuff, while Jae is sexualised more and more recently. It used to be Thai snacks and IKEA, now it’s a day in a hotel. 

I strongly suspect that the hotel idea was taken from Japanese. Idols (young and upcoming actors) release “dating DVD”, where they pretend the camera is the girlfriend. Scenarios vary from going to amuzement parks to waking up together in a hotel room (with brushing teeth, morning exersize and “kissing” under the sheets). 

It doesn’t look like he does his content through gritted teeth, and he did say on EnNaNa that he would like to try vblogging, so I guess he has some say in the discussion while it’s on the level of the lower (supportive) management. He is advised to do it this way, he sees the point and agrees. As you’ve mentioned, he does make it “his way”. 

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

I am not my insecurities reflection- a truthful based oneshot

IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE PLEASE READ

Ok, this will be a long author’s note but please bare with me as this is very important for you to understand this oneshot. For some context here because I havent posted alot about her yet, this is a oneshot about my Dc oc Gracie Lucio, set kinda in the same universe(i guess) of the teen titans judas contract movie( with Damian as robin) and its a oneshot written partly out of a vent of my own body image issues and partly out of an expression of how I’ve learned to look past said issues slowly.

But this gets very angsty until the end

Now to give a bit more context for the piece itself. The oc herself, Gracie Lucio( because I havent posted any art of her yet) for the reader’s understanding, she is not human, she is a werewolf(it feeds into her story so dont get me started on it alot of research went into this aspect of her character and it plays into her body issues)and body wise looks similar to Dick in the first season of Young Justice. Shes a naturally thin figured , broader shouldered girl who could( if she really wanted to) pass as a feminine boy with short jaw/ barely chin length hair( think of a thick messy longish pixie cut of dark hair). So shes naturally lean and lanky and a little underdeveloped for a 13 year old girl and as a heroine she has toned muscles from years of hero work. Most wouldnt see her having too many insecurities about her body image and appearance, but in truth shes riddled with them. She ages a bit differently than humans, it takes her body longer to develop and even then in some areas it develops differently all together. She struggles to gain any extra weight or build up natural feminine curves, something she wants. She WANTS to look like other girls her age, with more developed and heavier bodies, with curves and more weight and an actual figure. But with a supernaturally high metabolism added on top of a already genetic based thin figure and a intense and sometimes rigorous training and workout routine plus her work as a heroine gives no leeway to gain really any extra weight, its always worked off one way or another. And this causes...comments to be made about why she looks that way by civilians. and though she never shows it publicly  she takes many of these, usually not flattering and sometimes cruel and rude, comments to heart(much like I used to unfortunately) and it worsens her negative feelings. This is a small story of her seeing those problems and issues and trying to face and overcome them. This is more centered around Gracie and Dick and Jason and their platonic and sibling like relationship as they help her through her darker times( again, this is partly me expressing my own personal struggles with body image (which arent the exact same as the character but the language and the comments are very similar)and partly how those two helped inspire me to have more confidence in my body no matter what I look like) and also a deeper peek into her complex relationship with Damian(but thats not the biggest focus) Sorry this was so long I mightve info-dumped a little but its important to understand the story. I hope you guys enjoy?

This is also told in Gracie’s point of view

This will cover some pretty deep kinda issues like body image problems and over eating and weight loss/gain and mentions of eating disorders without really discussing them and bullying so if that upsets you in any way now is the best time to scroll past for your own sake, I dont want you to upset yourself over my crappy emotional writing

I do not look that bad.

That’s what I have to force my mind to accept as I look into the mirror, meeting my own aqua green eyes hesitantly.

I always hated looking in the mirror lately, especially after training or after bathing, like now as I stood in the middle of my room in a slightly loose training type sports bra and spandex shorts. I don’t even want to glance down at my body, out of fear for seeing the same thing I always do.

‘She so skinny...is she eating right’

‘She needs to eat more and gain some weight’

‘what a twig for a superhero’

‘how have bad guys not snapped her in half? Jesus Christ I could probably break her with a sneeze!’

‘What a bad influence shes setting for young girls with such an thin figure!’

‘I think He needs to eat more Christ that poor boy must be starving! Why isn’t Nightwing feeding him more’

The flashes of comments flooded my mind the moment my eyes flickered down to the rest of me. To my thin, unfeminine figure. My underdeveloped and flat birdcage of a chest. To my lanky, toned, too flat stomach. The pinched waist figure. The flat empty expanse I called hips that blended too well into my too dainty looking bony legs. I looked too fucking skinny. And maybe they were right...as a hero I was a role model to those younger than me, and I promoted a Bad Body Image for girls to idolize with my lanky boy figure.

And it was a horrible body type I had no goddamn control over.

My species was not an easy one to live as, especially not intermingled with humans. The team knew, the team understood, but the rest of the world didn’t. As a lupinotuum pectinem, or lycanthrope which in easy translation is simply “Werewolf”, my whole body inner workings were different. Most of my kind were naturally lean and thin, like tall healthily thin model athlete body types and in general the females, even alpha females, were practically born twig like almost. And on top of that our bodies developed....differently. I was not raised by a pack or by my own kind after age 8, so even I didn’t know the full extent but females bodies took longer to grow and it made it very hard for them to gain weight because of the unnaturally high metabolism. Add being a superhero who once trained under a certain league member to the mix and you go from being the “healthy and admirable” type of skinny to the “unhealthy and concerning”type of skinny.

I hated it, and I hated my body. I hated pictures of me from the neck down, because they all looked the same no matter who they were with. And I saw the comments everyone made. Whether its a surprise photo Garfield took dragging me into the picture to commemorate something or another or me taking pictures around Gotham or Blüdhaven with Dick on the social media Gar helped me set up, or even the rare photos I’d get to take with Jason or Damian or Tim and get to post. Every time the flood of comments were the same. The same things I now repeated over and over as I looked over my body angrily.

OMG look at that poor girl is she ok??? She looks like she needs to be hospitalized!

Christ almighty BB isn’t it too early to be posing with skeletons?? LOL

Dude not funny that girl must be anorexic or something.

Such a cute sibling couple but sweetie you need a fast food break to add some fat to those bones!

Fuck kid go eat something instead of taking pictures

Awwww you two look real happy! I hope you’re on the way to lunch or something!

Holy shit your guy’s size difference is so vast its almost worrying

how are you even alive with that little weight

Go eat some junk food or something before you pass out

OMG look at her shes so small and stick like! Her clothes look like they’re hanging off a scarecrow!

That girl cannot be healthy tell me someone is making her eat more

Every time its always the same damn thing....

I couldn’t do it anymore. I turned away from the mirror nearly in disgust and went back to changing into more casual clothes, bitterly noting how my clothes did in fact seem to hang awkwardly on my body as if I was too thin for them to fit correctly. Like they always did lately.

Ew look at her she looks so gross all stick-like like that!

What a fucking twig of a girl! Are those her ribs poking through her shirt??

Bitch go eat a fucking hamburger you need some damn food in you.

God that weight cant be healthy you need a doctor!!

     “Kid? Yo kid you in there?” My head jerked up from the comments flooded screen of my phone to meet Jason’s eyes, catching the quirk of his eyebrow as he sat across the diner table from me. We were at a diner he favored whenever he came into town to visit, a little family owned treasure with delicious and greasy food and the sweetest staff on earth. We frequented the spot during his visits, our own personal little thing since we’d gotten closer. I plastered on a smile and ignored the slight narrow of those blue eyes, the small furrow of his brow got as I snapped off my phone and set it aside.

      “Sorry Jay, BB tagged me in something dorky and I got distracted. So what were you saying?”

He didn’t believe me, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t the most convincing at that moment but I kept that damn plastic smile on my face and snagged some of his curly fries right in his face, making him crack a smile and smack my hand away from his tray.

      “ Hands off my food, eat your own wolfie.” I rolled my eyes at the stupid nickname I’d been branded and let the plastic smile slowly be replaced by a more genuine one as we began chatting again, grabbing my over sized cheeseburger and finishing every last bite and moving onto the large fries and two milkshakes, hopelessly praying that maybe this time the calories would stick and trying to push away the comments to the back of my mind. I was with Jason and we were having a damn good time, and I wasn’t going to let those comments ruin his visit...not again.

You should be ashamed. All you’re doing is promoting bad eating habits looking like that.

You’re such a bad influence for young girls who idolize you with such a horribly unreachable appearance.

Shes too bony to ever be considered pretty

Does she have a eating disorder or something?

I stiffened instantly startled by a hand on my shoulder, turning off my phone  instinctively and making the endless comments disappear into darkness before whoever could see them over my shoulder. The hand was big, calloused, and gentle and I felt myself relax as I looked up behind me with a smile.

         “ Hey Dick, did you need something?” He smiled down at me with that big bright smile that made all the dark thoughts and feelings melt away and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, blue eyes meeting aqua green.

          “ Well I was wondering if you’re doin’ anything right now or if you’d want to go catch dinner with Kori, Dami, and I. I noticed that you’d skipped your usual early dinner....” I wasn’t surprised he noticed, he normally did...

Once again that smile plastered itself on my face as I told him I’d love to, and to just let me go get changed into something better. I saw his hesitation at the fake smile, practically smelled it on him and prayed he wouldn’t bring it up right now, god please don’t ask now or I might just break...

Maybe god is listening because he didn’t mention it and just told me to meet them by the front doors of the tower in ten.

How are you not dead yet?

Jesus Christ stop promoting your eating disorder like its a good thing!

She looks so sickly is she ok? :(

Yeah shes sick, sick in the damn head for posting such disgusting pro-Ana pictures

How can you post pictures with a clear conscience looking like that?

Some “superhero”

I was wrong, no god was listening to me.

Dinner was rough to get through, even if it didn’t start that way.

For once I didn’t have to worry or dread possibly checking my phone for anything, I turned it off by the time we got to the restaurant. I even got a small compliment from Damian on our way in, though it was more a snark at me not tripping up the stairs. But it was Damian so I snapped right back with a smile, knowing he didn’t really mean it. Sitting beside Dick and across from Damian, I nudged his foot with mine in a silent gesture to cheer up even a little. He huffed through his nose but I saw his body relax and it made me relax. Those moments before the food came, our chatter and soft laughter as we looked over the menu, and the soothing knowledge knowing that Dick pulled me and Damian along to this dinner so we would go out on a date ourselves, ever the best brother and wingman. The mood was light and pleasant and I could see even the ever sharp and moody Dami lighten up a little by the time we ordered. Maybe the mood shifted into something different as we waited for our food and I was sipping on my tall glass of iced cola, when Damian’s fingers casually brushed over the top of my unused hand that laid peacefully on the table. The gesture was subtle and light, quick enough to miss if your senses weren’t sharp. I didn’t acknowledge it and neither did he, a silent understanding that words would just ruin whatever this was. I accepted that happily, as he was much more engaged in the conversations and even smiling a little more during them as he debated with Kori on leading strategies. Things were pleasant, comforting at that table in those few seconds before the decline, Dick smiling and chuckling at his lover and little brother, Said lover and brother having a more upbeat discussion about different leadership styles and their effects, and lightly debating which work better for what. And Damian’s hand next to mine, ever so lightly brushing against it in his wordless way to say I was still there and at even the smallest twitch I’d have his attention again. Dick ruffled my hair and asked how my online courses were coming along, since I didn’t attend schools publicly and I was more than happy to babble about my classes, and my current work in them. It was nice and I was happy, all the horrible feelings from before draining away as I tuned everything else but these three out of my enhanced hearing. Why had I even felt so shitty when I had great people like them in my life?

Then I heard it as that damned supernatural hearing tuned back in to the rest of the world.

The words and whispers and mutters and the blatant gossip and bad mouthing.

“Look at that younger girl sitting at that table dear...shes so thin I think she should be in a hospital not a restaurant.”

“Ewww mom look that girl looks like a skeleton!”

“ Honey shush….”

“Is….is that girl ok?”

“Dude of course she isn’t just look at her shes unhealthy as fuck. Probably has some kind of eating disorder too or something.”

It all flooded over me and all of my happy mood washed away under the wave. I couldn’t tell if the others could hear them so I grit my teeth tried to tune it all back out, trying so hard to focus more on Kori’s explanation of her points. My hands began to curl up subconsciously, making Damian’s attention snap to me. Fuckin I….no, I cant tell him...I shouldn’t. I forced my hand to uncurl and that stupid smile sprawled across my lips as if someone had put tape over them. I saw his eyes narrow and near begged mentally for him to not say anything or for Dick to distract him...anything.

“Ahem….your meal.”

I have never more thankful to a waitress before in my life...until I saw the look she gave me as she placed my admittedly large order of food in front of me, something that was normally a platter for two people’s worth of beef and sides. I caught the judgmental and suspicious look she had glancing between me and my food and I felt shame burn all over, starting to hang my head to avoid that damn look.

“ If this is all our food then your job is done. Don’t you have OTHER tables to be serving?” Damian’s curt and sharp tone cut through the air and briefly through my shame. This waitress knew nothing about me and i certainly owned no one any explanations about my eating habits, so why was she hanging around giving me looks about my food…?

“ Damian don’t be so rude!” Dick cleared his throat and I felt his strong arm wrap protectively around my shoulder as he leaned close to the edge of the table while Kori’andr apologized for Damian’s attitude vaguely. But I could hear it, there wasn’t much life to her apology. It sounded like a politely required apology, almost...defensive?

“ I am so sorry about my little brother Miss. He’s also sorry. But do you need anything else since we seem to be all set here but you’re still hanging around when you must be very busy…?” Dick’s words were sweet and cheerful, but there was an edge to his tone that gave a clear warning. His arm around me tightened a little protectively as he gave one of his signature charming smiles that could light up half the damn city as he then inquired if there was some sort of problem. The waitress stammered that there wasn’t any problem and that it was fine and for us to enjoy our meal before scampering away to continue her work. I felt other patrons eyes most DEFINITELY on us now and I couldn’t help shrinking into the taller man’s side to hide.

“ I’m sorry this keeps happening…” I murmured to him as our respective dates started eating and slowly reviving their conversation, moving on to mission recounts and training while Damian shot a dark look at the other patrons that made them look away. Dick gave my shoulder a squeeze and i moved closer for that familiar warmth and comfort...my chest felt heavy and my appetite had died and I wanted to curl up in my room and die of the shame. But I couldn’t, he wouldn’t have let me. So instead I instinctively sought out the safety Dick’s presence brought me, like a protective older sibling whose arms I could be enveloped in and forget about the harsh world outside them.

He knew without words, catching my body language before anyone else at the table. He knew me best.

“ Do you want to leave? We can get to go boxes and enjoy this meal all the same back at the tower, or even mine and Kori’s apartment. Is that what you’d rather do?” It was tempting, oh god it was so tempting to just say yes and let him lead me away while I re-gathered myself, same way he did when we were both 13 and living under the same roof...before…

I shook my head and forced those thoughts to the very back of my mind. I was in a dark enough place of mind already without that.

“ N-no...you guys set this up...i...i don’t want one nosy waitress to ruin our whole meal. Lets just eat ok D?” He smiled at the nickname and ruffled my hair with a nod, both him and Kori making sure I knew if things got too uncomfortable we could leave and the heaviness eased a little at their consideration. I started picking at my food and slowly regaining my appetite, once again nudging Damian with my foot to start up conversations. I ignored the words for the majority of the dinner, we even began to enjoy ourselves again. The last straw was probably as we were paying and putting leftovers in to go bins. I was admittedly nibbling on food out of my bin, despite starting to feel full.

“ I swear you are a bottomless pit sometimes Gracia.” I rolled my eyes at Damian’s remark and gave him a small smirk as I licked my fingers clean.

“ This bottomless pit can still kick your ass in training wonder boy~” He grunted and I saw the challenge glow in his eyes as he smirked back, an excitement for tomorrow’s combat training flaring up between us.

“ You really shouldn’t mix up your delusional dreams with reality alpha PUP.” I said something snarky back and we began to bicker halfheartedly over who was winning. I finally snapped shut my leftover box and stood with Damian as we stared each other down confidently, Dick chuckling at our competitiveness.

“ Tomorrow morning’s combat training will certainly be interesting with these two all riled up already.” The words didn’t fully process as I cracked my knuckles and squared up to the admittedly….taller boy.

“ Last I checked Damian I was ahead 11-10. And tomorrow, I just cant wait to make it 12.” He gave a hard laugh to my face and faced up to me with a smirk as our other two companions stood and shooed us more in front of the table so they could leave their seats. He opened his mouth to say something likely scalding and snarky back at me when the worst comment pierced between us both like a goddamn bullet.

“ Damn, I never knew such a sickly, too skinny bitch like her could eat like such a fat fucking pig.”

I think I stopped breathing as my body flinched at the following laughter. The man was clearly on the tipsy side and sitting at a larger table with a group of laughing friends, though the one who said it was standing next to the table with a drink that reeked of the cheapest alcohol this restaurant probably sold, and he didn’t stop there. Oh god of course he didn’t stop there. He kept laughing and loudly making obvious comments at me and openly mocking me and how much I ate to his table, either fully aware of what he was doing and that we could clearly see and hear him or too drunk to really care as more insults and name calling that I had heard and seen and read plenty of times before fell from his mouth. My heart was pounding in my ears as the next few moments happened slowly.

I thought I had seen anger plenty of times before, the worse being the one and only time someone made a malicious joke about my appearance to my face when I was walking beside Jason and it took all my supernatural strength to drag him off and away the guy before he murdered him in broad daylight and to keep him walking to wherever we had been heading.

I had seen pissed, but I had never seen downright hellish fury until that moment when I looked at Damian and Dick.

I had seen Damian mad, and angry, and pissed, a few times in our first meetings at me personally. I had seen Dick mad, angry, and pissed off a a fair chunk of times, even if they had never been directly at me. I had never seen this expression on either of them in those times. And in those few moments that passed almost in slow motion and Damian began to lurch forward with murderous intent the thought finally hit me. ‘ Was this...the first time these two had really heard the comments about me? Oh god…’ I felt like I was moving in honey as Damian stalked past me and I tried to reach out to him slowly, a gleam to his eyes that made my blood go cold.

If someone was to ask me in the future what I believed Death looked like, I would say with completely conviction that death would have the exact eyes Damian had in that moment: lethal, merciless, and furious. And he would have Dick’s cold expression, a look I never wanted to see on the normal cheerful man’s face ever again.

Time snapped back to a normal speed like a whip and my hand grasped nothing but air as Damian stormed over to the man.

“D...da--”

“What did you just say you disgusting drunk.” I might’ve shivered at his tone and I felt Kori’s hands on my shoulders tugging me back protectively as she looked down at me worried.

“ Gracie...don’t listen to him, there’s no reason to cry.” Cry? What was she talking ab--

That’s when I felt it, something warm and wet sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I...I was crying. My walls and my limit of bottling things in for one day was crumbling away as I watched Damian go to confront the man, my voice disappearing under the surge of hurt and anxiety. I couldn’t even say his damn name. I felt frozen and helpless as Dick stalked after Damian, fists clenched.

I had to do something say something anything to stop them before things went badly I had to I had--

“Eh?What the fuck did you say to me brat?”

“ You heard me you worthless piece of filth. Apologize to her, now.”

I needed to do something anything as I felt myself crumbling. Why wasn’t Dick stopping him why

“ And what if I don’t pipsqueak? You gonna hit me? Now scram. Maybe take your little bitch to a hospital for treatment instead of parading her around a restaurant with normal people!”

“ He might not do anything, But I will. Now take it back before things get messy.”I think my body began trembling as I watched panic swelling. I just wanted to leave and go home. I didn’t want to see this unfold, I just wanted to be home at the tower curled under my covers to simulate the warmth of another person holding me. I wanted to be anywhere, anywhere else then stuck in this nightmare.

So I moved without thinking and lunged, aiming for the back of Dick’s jacket to grab and ready to swallow any shards of pride and beg to leave. Instead I collided with Damian’s back and rolled with it, hugging him tightly from behind and tugging back with a whimper.

“ P-please you two...l...lets just leave...please lets just go home please…” Kori grabbed Dick’s arm firmly and tugged him back.

“ Dick...shes in the midst of an anxiety attack, let it go and lets leave. We need to get her out of here.” He took a difficult deep breath but nodded glaring down the man harshly enough that he flinched and scurried to the bar with his tail between his legs mumbling insults. One of his friends started to stand and began nervously apologizing, though one vicious look from the boy I was holding shut him up fast. It took me and Kori working together to drag the two out of the restaurant and the ride home was tense and silent. I couldn’t look at any of them, instead opting to stare at my feet wiping my eyes.

“ Does that happen often. People talking about you like that.” His cold tone made me flinch a little. At this point I was so upset and anxious and emotionally drained on the inside that I thought Damian was mad at me of all people for what happened. Those dark thoughts began to slowly bubble up to the surface and my insecurities screamed that he blamed me for what happened in the restaurant. I remained silent, too upset to answer. I heard his growl of annoyance and I began to hunch up, ready for a verbal fight.

“ Damian drop it for now. Shes in no right place of mind to talk about it.” Dick warned from the driver seat with a low voice that reminded me he was also upset and angry. When we got back   to the tower I didn’t wait for anyone to say anything, I just bolted for my room as fast as I could, at a inhuman, unnatural speed that they couldn’t keep pace with.

I stayed locked in my room for three days, not willing to face any of them the next morning during training. Everything was heavy and hurt and it was hard trying to rebuild those shattered walls of protection, that image of unbothered confidence. I stayed in bed locked away from the world and curled up under the weak protection of my sheets mostly unresponsive to those outside it.

The first to come knocking and checking on me was Kori, asking if I was ok and if I needed to talk. She left after a little while of trying for a response unsuccessfully though, saying she’d come back to check on me later. It was maybe an hour later that Garfield came knocking, asking why I’d missed breakfast AND training. His voice was concerned as he asked if everything was ok and if I was even in there. The concern poked painfully into my silence, tempting me to speak and make myself vulnerable.

Vulnerability killed. I knew that first hand. So I forced myself to stay quiet until his knocks and footsteps faded away.

The rest of the day passed in a bit of a self deprecating blur, only marked by Kori’s two other attempts at my door. The last one I barely noticed as exhaustion kicked back in and I drifted off into an unsteady sleep

The next day after I woke up things still went by in a near timeless blur. I could hear my phone buzzing and vibrating and rattling for my attention but I left it there on the nightstand unnoticed and curled further under the sheets, lost in a slate tinted world of dark thoughts and darker temptations. But that day was harder to drift away through.

The first to stop by was Jamie, knocking a few times and calling out to me with concern and worry clear in his voice as he asked if I was ok. He asked if I’d eaten at all since yesterday, since he hadn’t seen me leave my room. The thought of eating made my stomach stir and my body curl around it ashamed. He knocked a few more times after that, his voice growing a bit more worried at the lack of answer. After awhile I heard him walk away and I barely lifted my head as I hugged my too skinny too unhealthy body close, feeling those blaring imperfections and flinching at myself.

It was no wonder everyone said those things...if so many people said them so often then they must be true.

The next to come by was Raven. She only knocked twice and gave a small sigh.

“ Gracie...I know you’re in there. If you need someone to talk to...my room is in the next hall over, and I will be here to listen. I wont force you to come out...just please remember you aren’t alone here. You have the team behind you.” I bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed to keep my ensuing whimper silent. The words, soothing and reassuring in context, stabbed into my heart and my resolve. I WANTED to depend on them, to throw open the door and break down under the assurance I could and would not be treated differently after, and be assured and comforted and remind of the positives. I wanted it so badly I was scared of it. Or maybe...I was scared of it NOT happening as those damn fears and insecurities and dark thoughts sowed heavy doubt through me. She lingered a little longer than Jaime, eventually her footsteps disappearing. I remember meekly poking my head from the sheets to stare absently out the half covered windows lost in thought, time slipping by me once more to the point I almost didn’t register Garfield and Kori both stopping by my door again at least twice more worried.

When Dick stopped by as the sun was setting was when the harder pain set in.

I heard the knocks and ignored it in favor of the changing color sky the sunset offered, my room washed in a dim orange and amber gleam. Then I heard his voice, soft and sick with worry from the outside and my heart thudded so hard it hurt. Hard.

“ Gracie...C’mon Gracie-girl please open the door. We’re all worried about you...I’m really worried about you. You haven’t eaten for a day and a half...Please let me in...” I almost broke completely at the pain in that familiar voice, the voice I never wanted to be the cause of being in pain or anguish again.

Well looks like I did a GREAT job of preventing that didn’t I?

He knocked again, asking and pleading and trying to reason, anything to get that door to open. My eyes burned with hot fresh tears and I curled up into a tight ball whimpering softly and breaking my vow of silence.

“....D-dick...p-please...j-just leave me a-alone…I-i just need some t-time alone…”

My voice came out pathetically weak and shaking with tears, which I know he heard. There was a silence for a few moments, perhaps shock that I actually answered this time. I felt warmth sliding down my cheeks as he sighed and reluctantly muttered that he’d come check back on me tomorrow and that there was leftover dinner ready for me to heat up on the kitchen counter before he slowly walked away. His fading footsteps echoing in my ears. Was my heart breaking on every step away? I couldn’t tell. That feeling slipped into the dark thoughts that followed the setting sun. Dark thoughts that also reminded me of the one person who HADN’T come to check on me, and the resulting pain of his absence.

The third day had been mostly quiet. It was almost a painful relief, quiet meant no additional pain of--

“ Gracia.”

That one word coming from Damian’s mouth sent so many things through me and sent any resolve I had spiraling away. His tone was a forced kind of neutral, he sounded as if he was trying to stay calm but it wasn’t exactly working. There was something to his voice I had no energy to figure out. He didn’t knock and there was silence for a few moments but I felt his presence remain.

“ You haven’t eaten since the restaurant.” No questions with him, he didn’t need to ask, always calm and analyzing.

“ ...You cant just stay in there forever Gracia.” A stern lilt to his voice, weakly enforced by the faint sound of his hand on the door. I could only whimper and curl up more. There was another stretch of silence before he sighed and his footsteps continued down the hall.

He was the only one to come check on me, a blessing and a damnation.

The day and night went by so listlessly I didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking up to banging knocks on my door. The volume grated on my sensitive hearing and made me flinch. Who would even be knocking like that…?

“ Oi. Kid. I know you’re still in there. Open the door.” Jason’s hard and no shit taking voice shot through me. Why...Why was Jason in the tower? Why was he in the city?

The knocking continued relentlessly, unlike the others. It even got louder and angrier.

“ Kid I said open this goddamn door.” There was no request or plea in his voice. It was a command, a harsh, cold command. I tried covering my ears with my hands and curling into a tight ball as the knocking continued. He wasn’t about to give up to a little girl.

I knew this too well.

“ Graciea Rosica Lucio I swear to god if you don’t open this goddamn door in the next couple second I will break it down. Now get off your fucking ass and answer me.” I don’t know what it was, but hearing his threat sent my body into mechanical motion, trudging over to the door and reluctantly unlocking it and letting it slide open with a low hiss, the banging finally ceasing. I couldn’t look him in the face, empty and ashamed it took threats to get me to open the door. So I stared dully at his boots and took in his scent as he grabbed the front of my shirt and dragged me back inside. I stumbled clumsily along with as he sat me on my bed and stood in front of me. I kept my gaze down towards his knees, the smell of nicotine wisping off his body in a way that told me he very recently had been smoking, no less than an hour ago most likely. Smoke and city is what filled my room. There was only a beat of silence before he spoke.

“ Look at me.” I lifted my head and stared at his chest and his crossed arms, unwilling to look him in the eyes. I couldn’t bare to see what kind of disappointed look he likely had on his face. Perhaps I didn’t want to see my reflection in his eyes, see the sickly, disgusting and bony figured girl with greasy hair and dark circles under dulled eyes and sallow cheeks. I heard the slight growl that rumbled from the back of his throat in warning and I briefly wondered if I would be forced to look him in the eyes. His arms uncrossed and I prepared myself for anything.

Anything except for two big plastic grocery bags filled with fast food bags and orders was dropped onto my lap, the contents still hot. I blinked slowly once, twice, and finally got enough courage in my confusion to look up at his face. When I did I was a little startled.

“ Eat. And you aren’t moving until those bags are polished off understand me?”

He looked visibly angry, eyes narrowed and mouth locked in a fearsome scowl with eyebrows furrowed. But his eyes were soft and worried and it took me a minute to realize worry was what was making his scowl so harsh. He crossed his arms across that broad chest again and I realized he was in his work gear, all the way down to the guns strapped to his thighs. All he lacked at the moment was his helmet and domino mask, his dark hair messier than usual and the white streak falling between his eyes. We had a staring contest and in those pupils I saw myself, I saw the shell I had become and it made me sick, breaking me briefly from the depressive haze.

How the hell had I let myself fall this far, this deep?

We didn’t speak until he grunted, eyes narrowing more in a way even those concerned blues didn’t weaken the glare as he spoke gruffly.

“ You better start eating before I start just shoving it down your damn throat.” I knew he would too. He wasn’t fucking around, I didn’t doubt he’d follow through with any threats made. Slowly I looked down at the pile of food and reached for the first bag, pulling it open and blinking fast as fresh tears stung my eyes.

It was from our favorite diner, and it was my usuals two cheeseburgers and large lightly salted fries with a second order of fat steak fries and fried pork strips. He’d even gotten all the little sides I enjoyed with it and I looked back up at him with a pained look. Maybe that look made him relax because his expression softened slightly, his voice quieting to something gentler.

“ C’mon now...I brought you all your favorites, now start eating...it’s been three days and your body cant handle that. We can talk after.” My shoulders slumped as all the tension stored in my body dissipated a little as he continued to speak, like a tightly pulled strong finally cut loose.

“ Kid I’m not mad at you. No one is. So just eat the food and then we’ll figure shit out, just like we do on any other visit.” I think the tears started falling because his face got blurry and there was warmth in my face. If I did start crying he didn’t say anything, just nodded at the bag. I gulped and slowly but surely pulled out one of the burgers and slowly took a bite, struggling a little to swallow it with a throat that was closing up from emotions. Once I did though my hunger kicked me hard and I began devouring the food, one bag after another.

It took me about a half hour to finish both plastic bags but I did, followed by slamming through at least two water bottles and one thick milkshake that almost made a mess. Jason simply watched over me as I ate from his spot in front of me. The silence was almost soothing, not painful as it had been before. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I looked back up at him and we made eye contact.

“ So are you going to tell me what happened? Really happened?” I broke his gaze to stare towards the floor as the acidic shame began to creep back over me. He sighed.

“ C’mon kid just let it out already. Who am I to judge? So why don’t you trust me like you USED to and tell me?” Those words shot through my heart and head.

I...I wasn’t trusting him...trusting anyone...I…i...

It was like Jason opened a flood gate.

It all came spilling out with a new surge of tears and mid sentence cracking sobs, my body physically heaving from the intensity as it all came out. All the months of insecurities and pain and doubts and fears and comments and negativity and hate and bullying came rushing out like a tidal wave and Jason took to all, listening to everything without a single word as I let everything out and let myself break down completely, wails and sobs replacing words eventually. I felt him shift and kneel in front of me, felt big strong sturdy hands grip my shoulders to steady me and keep me anchored as I buried my face into my hands and gasped out cries and pained wailing yowls that filled the room and spilled out of it. I vaguely remember the sounds of multiple hurried footsteps coming towards the door but I didn’t care. All I felt was Jason’s hands on my shoulders and his steady, continuous heartbeat in my ears as well as he strong breathing. One set of footsteps dared to enter the room and hurry over, only stopped by Jason’s calm voice.

“ Let her get it out, its the only thing that’ll help.” The footsteps stopped and eventually the wails faded into blubbering whimpers and whines and hiccups, constantly sniffling. I lifted my head to look at him through blurred eyes and got one brief sight of Dick standing behind Jason that sent me into a whole new wave of sobs.

God I’ve been nothing but selfish and now I’d fucking hurt Dick again even when I swore I’d never do that again and i--

I let out a high pitched whine that turned into pathetic blubbered and wailed apologies. Over and over like a broken record I couldn’t stop apologizing to them for everything even parts that weren’t my fault  in any way I still apologized for it I just couldn’t stop. Jason’s grip on me tightened only slightly before slipping away and for a single moment I was terrified I’d annoyed him with all the apologies and was about to add that to my list of them when two strong arms wrapped around me and and Dick’s scent surrounded me.

“ Shh shh shh shhh….shhh Gracie its ok now shh shh its ok I got you its not your fault…” I sniffled and wailed out more sobs and begs for forgiveness as I clung to him like he was a life preserver. And at that moment he was. He hugged me tighter and practically cradled me into his chest stroking my hair as he murmured reassurances, assuring me I was well forgiven and it wasn’t my fault. Everyone got insecurities especially when facing so much negativity. How I was so strong for fighting it for so long regardless. But it was ok to not always be strong and be able to handle it. That he was there and it was ok now. It took awhile but eventually all my noise quieted down to sniffles and hiccups and the occasional whimper as my trembling and heaving finally eased away into a limp tiredness. I felt exhausted but in a way different than the past couple days. I felt lighter and the more Dick spoke gently the lighter and more relaxed I felt,all the pain easing as he banished every dark thought one by one.

“ You ARE a hero Gracie.”

“ you aren’t a skeleton or a scarecrow or a twig.”

“ You are not too bony.”

“ You’re beautiful.”

“ You aren’t sick and you don’t need any doctors.”

“ You’re ok. The way your body works and retains weight naturally is not your fault.”

“ You’re only thirteen you’re still growing kiddo.”

“ I was scrawny and thin until I was at least sixteen Gracie its not that uncommon.”

“ You do NOT have to hold yourself to stupid human beauty standards.”

“ You’re beautiful to us, that’s all that matters.”

“ You’re ok, you have us.”

Each and every statement cleared my mind and I slumped against him with tears still falling down my cheeks. His hand carefully cupped the back of my neck in a soothing gesture to ease the wolf side of me, adding a very small amount of pressure to ensure the sense of security and safety the movement brought. I whispered out a hoarse thank you, my throat sore and raw but already beginning to heal. He smiled into my hair and I let my eyes slip shut in contentment. I felt...stabilized, as if the whole world had been constantly tilted dangerously under my feet for months and now it had finally been returned to normal, balancing me once again.

I felt a second, no technically third, hand tangle itself into my thick and greasy hair and ruffle it affectionately, fingers tangling themselves in the dark chestnut locks.

“ We’re always here for you kid. Whether you like it or not. You can be honest and confide in your inner circle Gracie. We aren’t going to look at you any differently...so next time don’t keep your mouth shut.” My nerves settled and I leaned into his hand with a loud hiccup, making him snort. I looked up and saw both older men smiling down at me, both with their own kind of soft expressions. I rubbed my eyes and wiped my nose and smiled back shakily, feeling like everything was going to be ok for the first time in a long while.

I learned a few things a few hours later, after I’d fallen asleep in Dicks arms and woke up on the couch out in the Tower’s game room with Garfield and Jaime looking after me. My head was resting on Garfield’s leg and he had his elbow rested on my upper arm comfortably as he and Jaime played some kind of two player video game, keeping their voices lower than usual to be considerate of me sleeping. Opening my eyes was difficult as they felt dry and crusted and stung from crying so much. But my throat was no longer sore. When they saw I was awake they paused the game and and told me they were happy I was up, as I had been out cold for at least a solid couple hours. That was when I learned the first thing : Dick and Kori had informed the team of the incident at the restaurant after the first day I stayed locked up in my room, and Garfield had let it slip in his rage that he thought I had finally stopped getting those comments, and confessed that I’d been getting bullied and harassed about my appearance online for months. What I found out was all those months what I failed to notice was Garfield fighting back on my behalf every chance he got. He defended me, constantly called people out for harassment and even worked on getting some of the worst and most aggressive ones banned. For months he’d been do it as relentlessly as he could, filling his own social medias with both our pictures and his constant defense and positivity towards me to fight it back. It got lost in my own comment section so I stupidly didn’t realize. It warmed my heart knowing he’d kept my back even when I never noticed or mentioned it, though he waved it off and just gave me his big old smile telling me it wasn’t that big a deal,

“ After all, you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat!” And he wasn’t wrong. But I still hugged him tight in thanks anyway, an embrace he happily returned as he warned me next time I lied about being harassed there’d be hell to pay.

I assured him there wasn’t going to be a next time anymore and for the first time in months finally wholeheartedly meant it.

The second thing I learned was Jaime told me during those first two days I was locking myself away Damian had gone back to the restaurant and used Bruce’s name to hunt that guy that had been harassing me down and gotten a few hefty harassment charges and minor endangerment charges slapped onto the guy, throwing in a sob story of how I was now in emergency care in the hospital because of him. I knew he didn’t throw his last name around often, didn’t exactly like having to do so to be taken seriously. The fact he did for me…

I had a lot more feelings for Damian after that knowledge.

The third thing I learned was that the only reason Dick and Kori hadn’t come by to check on me yesterday was was because they spent the entire time hunting for Jason to get his help with getting me out, and when they DID find him he stormed for the tower and made it there before they did somehow, he was that angry.

As they were telling me this and retelling a very tense video call between Nightwing and Batman during the second day Damian came in in his full Robin attire, regarding us stoically. When I saw him I stood and the room quieted as I approached him, the both of us observing each other. When we stood a foot apart I stared into his masked eyes quietly and he looked into my tired eyes. I saw his mouth start to open to speak and my body lurched forward without me, hugging onto him tightly.

“Thank you...you didn’t have to do that for me thank you thank you thank you…” He was quiet and I was about to let go and move away when I felt his arm come around me and grip the back of my shirt, returning the embrace. Neither of us was at a point that we were really physically affectionate by any means but my heart swelled when he hugged me back, leaning his head against my own and allowing me to bask in the warmth of his arms and his scent. When I felt him roll his shoulders I took that as my cue and slowly pulled away, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek as I did before retreating back to give him his space.

I think I saw his cheek flare pink but I’ll never say for sure because that would mean admitting just how red my own cheeks were.

I’d love to say that after that everything ended happily and perfectly and things went great forever and ever. But I cant, life doesn’t work like that.

But things did get better.

I was under heavy supervision several weeks, with almost stricter watches on my food intake to make sure I didn’t try to over eat or try to force weight gain. Bruce had me stay with him and Damian for a few weeks as well to make sure I didn’t slip back into that dark place. It was a bit smothering at times...but in all honesty I welcomed the smothering because I knew it meant how much they all cared. And staying with Bruce again...it brought up my mood believe it or not. Being in the manor brought back happier memories of my childhood and seeing the man I considered a fatherly figure more often perked me up. Plus I got to see Tim a lot more than usual in those few weeks, a perk and joy all in itself as he kept me company when he wasn’t too busy with his work. Tim was also the one who disabled all comments on my social medias one calm rainy evening in the lounge. I was grateful and he patted my head after as he read his case files. I think I might’ve fallen asleep against him, I cant say I fully remember. With each passing week I felt better and better. It took a long time for my self esteem and confidence to rebuild itself, but it got some jump starts. Perhaps the best part was two months later after a sparring session with Kori. She was giving me tips on striking with a staff when Dick and the big bad bat Brucie himself walked in.

“ Batman? Has something happened?” He shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder.

“ I’m going to borrow Gracie for a few minutes.” Dick gently took her hand and smiled as he whispered something to her as he led me out of the training room and placed a long bottle of what looked like red chewy vitamins into my hand. When I looked up at him confused he gave me some of the best news of my life.

“ These are specially created vitamins designed to accommodate your body’s inhuman metabolism. Tim helped me create them. They're designed to help regulate fats and carb distribution in your body and allow your body to hold onto and gain more weight without immediately burning it off. Take one every week and in a few months you should be up at least one weight class if not more as long as you keep to your regular healthy eating habits, just like you wanted. By Tim’s calculations within the year you should gain enough weight to have a thicker figure, though you may always retain this thinner “ballet-ques” figure...you will more closely resemble the figure of girls your age.” I stared up at him then at the vitamins and sniffled, fighting off tears of joy. All those weeks with Tim and his seemingly just curious questions about my species and their anatomy...the “ case files”...I owed Tim a lot for this.

“ It was Dick’s idea, after all that happened two months ago.” The softer tone brought a smile to my face and I nodded, barely restraining the urge to hug Bruce while he was in the cowl.

“ T-thank you...thank you this means more to me than you know…” He nodded and turned to leave but I caught the ghost of a smile on his face as he walked away.

And once he had I ran back into the training room and tackled Dick to the ground with a ecstatic howl, shifting mid leap into wolf form and licking his face in gratitude, making him laugh as he lazily tried to push away my affection.

I started taking them that day, and it took a few months for a noticeable difference to take place, but it did. My clothes and uniform stopped hanging off me like a walking scarecrow and I started developing the beginning of a feminine figure. I stopped trying to stuff my face too much at every meal and with every week after my self esteem raised back up a little higher. Maybe people saw it in the big, wide crooked smiles in pictures of me now, no matter who they were with. Or maybe the team saw it in the fact I stopped trying to hide my body in layers of clothes, walking around in my favorite tank top after missions instead of over sized sweatshirts and shirts, or the fact I didn't mind sudden pictures taken of me. Regardless it showed and in time I was more than happy to show off that confidence. Throughout it all Jason made near constant visits between jobs to make sure I didn’t have too major of setbacks and Dick stayed by my side as often as he could, supporting me and being a physical reminder almost that I was never alone.

And I didn't feel alone.

And one day as I was getting ready for an outing I paused in front of the mirror and looked at myself, looked at my slightly more filled out tank top and the small curve of slightly more defined hips and an actually fairly filled out stomach, a fuller figure to match my broader than normal shoulders. I slowly looked into my own eyes and after a moment I began to smile.

Somehow….I didn't hate looking into the mirror as much as I used to.

“ I do not look that bad. I look fine.”

“ Gracie c’mon you coming? C’mon the others are gonna leave without us!”

I smiled at my reflection wider before running off out of the room after Jaime’s voice.

“ Im coming!!”

I dont look that bad.

And now I could finally start to see that.

The end.

OOOOOOOH ITS FINALLY DONE ITS FINALLY DONE! 

Ive been working on this for three months now and it was really difficult to finish. Originally it wasnt supposed to be so angsty but...it turned out really angsty at the end.

@phantommoonpeople

@kid-crashed

@call-me-n0ni-chan

Tagging those I know will want to read this

I hope you all like it!!

[qcatter]

The Second Fourth of July

SO with the actual fourth of july and family making this take longer, (and the fact it’s exactly nine pages long in a small font) Shout out to @autumn-sweet-fae​ for just going thro all of the MIB AU, giving me a reason to just stick this up here on tumblr.  Some notes for this, like most holiday specials it fits into the timeline the way DBZ movies do. Also T hasnt made his debut yet. (He’s a scientist that Reigen often goes to for under the counter help, and who’s relationship with Reigen is based on mutual blackmail and good natured ribbing.) IF you read very carefully you can find things mentioned here that Dinner and i havent posted yet either. Oh and pretend i actually know what the laws on fireworks are, i havnt been in this state for three years, or ever bought fireworks.

(once again, this was written for Discord, so the odd symbols are marks of formatting.)

Today was the Fourth of July, ~~Independence Day was never spoken aloud in the MIB faulty after that movie came out, it was bad luck of a sort.~~  It wasn’t one of Reigen’s favorite holidays.  Aliens tended to find the Fourth as a wonderful cover up for gang fights since any weapons they might have could easily be overlooked as *fireworks* ment that the mib had to be on top of their game for normal business as well as the police call ins for disturbances.  Almost as bad as Halloween, *almost*.  *both* of them were set in the evening after dark when reigen’s soaps were on. Actually Reigen didn’t like any of the holidays.  As a secret government worker he never got time off for them half the time, and the others he would volunteer since he didnt exactly have loved ones to spend the holidays with. This had changed recently. Unfortunately, Reigen had a pattern, a pattern that was still in the system seeing as he had actually asked for the fourth off and was still scheduled in tonight.  He had just spent most of his dinner break going through every floor of the facility to find someone willing to stand in for him. To no avail. Which was why he was currently in the lower floors of the building holding an ear piercing peeping slimey thing that looked like the unholy offspring of emu and a velociraptor.   “-and I had *told* them i was even willing to spend one of my vacation days to have today off, even if it was just the evening but they had written me in and no one will take this time slot!” The tiny bald birdthing in his hand shrieked as he half gestured with it and it dug its *not* so small talons into his palm. “Alright that looks like the first batch, hand that fellow over here Raygun. And im sure Sparky will be fine.” T set the kicking birdling next to it’s sibling in a heated box as he returned to egg watch. “He’s gone down to Thyme Square before right? I know he was saying he wanted to see the fireworks, but it’s not like you *have* to take him.  Couldnt you spin it as an escort maybe?” Reigen slumped and waved that idea past with far less energy than normal. “Tried that, only works if he’s in danger or *is* a danger, and it’s not just Teru.  Serizawa said that he would go with Teru since his classes are canceled and he’s only ever seen fireworks in passing. Apparently the higher ups in Claw never had time to stop and celebrate it, and Touchyrow wasnt even in the country half the time.” T glanced up at Reigen with a *knowing* and growing smug grin. “AH~” “*NO*, T it’s not that. If *teru* goes, and *seri* goes, then *SHOU* is going and you know him. What do you think ’Firecracker’ is going to do!? The kid tried to eat *lava* for petes sake!” “Oh. *oh*” “*exactly!*” Reigen threw his hands up in the air and then wiped the slime from them off on T’s labcoat. “*Thanks* Raygun, just what i needed, *more egg slime.* Seri might be able to keep Shou in check?” “If you said that last month i might have agreed with you, but it looks like Shou’s started to settle in.  He *listens* but it seems that we’ve left the period of terrified obedience left over from his father’s influence. Shou’s actually pretty good with rules when they make sense to *him*. The problem is that he takes himself as close as he can to breaking them if he thinks of something interesting. ‘Dont burn the house down because we need it’ apparently translates to ‘ok keep the fires small’. ” with a groan many parents would sympathize with, reigen plopped his head in his hands. T looked thoughtful as he rotated an egg. “‘Dont try to catch the fireworks after they launch in the middle of Central Park because everyone can see you?” Reigen sighed and flopped down in the nearest chair. It tipped backwards and nearly sent him to the floor before he regained his balance in a flurry of limbs. “Cloaking, cant get caught if you cant be seen.” “Well shit then.” “That’s not even mentioning if Mob and Ritsu join them” “OH I’m sure the Kaygeyamas could h-” Reigen raised one finger sharply. “ One, fireworks give their mother a headache and, Two, their father’s lungs are bad enough they dont go. Mob said that this would be the first time since Ritsu was small enough to get piggyback rides that they had a chance to see them in person.  And that was only because i said i was going to take Teru down and agree to watch them too.” “Mob might be able to help Seri. Sparky and Ritz listen to him and i know Shou pretends like he doesn't but he *does* defer to Mob” “Not with Ritsu around. Shou is always the wild card here and it’s going to be *crowded* if one of them slips up they’d pull the others with them. We *cant* afford having all of them to get caught like that.  It’s why i was hoping you’d be off tonight.” They both looked over at the nest of 20 some eggs. One of them peeped while a few twitched. “I’m probably going to be here all night, we’re low staff as it is. Wish i could go Raygun, i’d love to see the S-Kids react to the fireworks.” “‘Pitty i’m not off, i’d love to see the *fireworks*’ you mean.” “Let’s go with that. And really, they’ll be *fine*. It’s just fireworks, if we have to, tell mob to tell ritsu to make shou *stay*. It’s a little underhanded, but if you just *hint* at the fact the Mib’s on high alert he’ll keep shou from doing anything too flashy.” “I’m still worried. Mob and Seri aren't good with crowds and they’re the ones that have the most sway.” One of the eggs cracked, T clicked his timer and then flipped the watch over for Reigen to see. “Shouldn’t they all be getting set up about now? You better give SherBear a call before your break ends.” Reigen stood up from his chair like a whale ungracefully breaching. Digging for his phone and trying to walk down the hall while kicking his leg to untangle the chair from his foot, he turned to shout back at T. “*RIGHT*, i didnt call him the last few hours, Sh- IT”S JUST SERI! Thanks for letting me rant at you, i hate it when i get stuck unable to *do* anything.” “You and me *both*!” As reigen left T toe-flipped the chair back up and sat down in it by the eggs. “Let’s keep it between us that i only let him talk so long because *you* guys need constant vocalizations and my voice was getting tired. Plus it kept him distracted long enough to stop him from calling Sher for the fifth time since he got in here.”

BY the time reigen got off duty and went home, the fireworks had been over for hours. Turning the key in the lock for the third try the door finally unlocked and he kicked off his shoes into the kitchen. While in the process of shedding his suit coat and wondering for the umtenth time how the MIB really expected you to wear the sunglasses at night, he tripped in the middle of the apartment. Reigen debated if it was worth the effort of getting off the floor in order to move to his bed when the rug seemed to be fairly comfortable. Before he could pass on on the floor the room brightened up greatly as reigen hissed and flung his arm over his glasses. “I’d say ‘morning’ but seeing as the sun hasn’t actually come up i suppose it still counts as night” “Nehh, dont you never wake up before the sun?” “Funny thing, it just so happened that someone stumbled into my house and passed out on the floor.” “Ha ha kid, im just, resting. I’ll be going to bed in a second, could you turn the lights back off though? They’re too bright right now even with the sunglasses on.” “I didnt turn the lights on Boss” Reigen blinked, looked up at Teru through the light glare, and then squinted over his glasses to see that yes, the lights *werent* on at all.“Huh weird, i can sorta see your energy field through the lenses. Very disco hippyish” Teru looked unsure of whether to be sheepish or smug about it, before blinking and then focusing on Reigen “It took us *three* weeks to explain the difference between the outer layers and the field and you could have seen them this whole time if you actually wore *your sunglasses?!*” “Looks like.” Shoving himself off the floor and leaving said glasses behind, reigen made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth while teru seemed to be screaming into his pillow with frustration. Or eating it. Could be both. Most of it seemed to be words at least, since reigen heard some phrases here and there. Such as “THREE WEEKS” and “SHOU”S COAT” with something about “COULDNT EVEN SEE THE DIFFERENCE” followed by “AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS UP TO TONIGHT” It wasnt until reigen caught “NOT FIVE MINUTES IN HE JUST VANISHES WITH RITSU” that he realized that teru was complaining about more recent things. Pearing out of the bathroom at the array of shredded foam,~~*mauling* pillow in frustration, not eating alright then~~ Regien warmed up his job voice “Shou did *what* now, cause Seri said everything was fine over the phone.” Teru snapped his tail around pulling everything into one pile of foam. “Nothing!” “That didnt sound like nothing, what happened?” “...” “Teruki” “It started out fine! Serizawa picked me up early and we got a good spot out of the way with a good view, and then the Kaygeyama’s showed up and Shigeo brought this big heavy blanket and when we finished setting up he was just gone and so was ritsu.  I didnt see them leave but Ritsu told Shigeo they were going to a different spot. Everything after was fine, Seri shifted but we just pulled some of the blanket over him and everyone thought he was a labrador. But when Shou came back he was *covered* in ash because he and Ritsu went up a tree and he was flying through the rockets like dodgeball and catching the remains” “Ok, but no one was seen then?” “What? No of course not! We know better than that!” “Then what are yo-, wait. Are you annoyed that Shou got to eat the fireworks and you didnt?” Teru huffed and picked through the remains of the pillow. “No. I had a nice evening with Shigeo and S- yes and i cant even *buy* them because im not ‘*old’* enough.” “Rockets arnt even allowed in the city teru, *I* cant even buy those.” “*i know*”

“I think the backyard fountains might be ok in some areas, at least, i should be able to find some if it makes you feel better.” “Shou said something about seeing better fireworks before. I think he’s going to be dragging Seri to the store in a few days for a sale. I gave him fifty bucks if he bought extra for me” “Smart, do you think he’d even give them to you?” “He better.”

Seri was helping Reigen pack the car.  Even if it was just standing and holding over 80 pounds of meat and three bags of charcoal like they weighed no more than a pillow while reigen shoved stray hamburger wrappers out of the way and stacked the buns and condiments in a way that would still let all the kids sit inside. “There, all we have to do is stack those in the back and we should be able to get all four kids in, they’re still small enough.” “I could shift if you think it’s worth it.” “We have to hit the highway, so you would have to be down in the foot space so no one sees you” “That’s fine! Im used to busses and planes, it’s odd when i have all that room to myself” “I know and it makes *my* back hurt to see you fit in such small spaces” Teru and the brothers were sitting on the steps outside the building and one by one they turned and looked down the sidewalk. “Shou’s here.” “Are you sure Ritsu?” “It must be, who else would be coming this way with that many fireworks” Reigen twisted around to look.  There was a stack of colourfull boxes on jeans walking down the sidwalk.  *Many* boxes. Possibly more boxes than would even fit in the car. And most of them, from the labels that reigen could see, were very very much not legal in the city. Some of the boxes were *not* colourful and were completely *unmarked* and THOSE were the ones that really made reigen sweat. Because he could see fireworks poking out of them and they were very *large* rockets.  Shou dropped the stack by the car with a grin. It went up to his chest which was puffed out proudly “I *told* you i knew some better ones.” Shou crowed, before going to tell the kids *all* about how *big* and *grand* the fireworks *he* got were. Somewhere in there was “bigger and better than the city ones” “On the sidethought, i think you might have to shift Seri, T’s bringing a second car but i dont think his little japoneze smart car has that much room in it.

“Are we there yet?” “...” “Are we there yet?” “I know i asked T about this before, but are we *sure* you guys breathe? *because im pretty sure shou sure doesnt.*” “We dont breath *air*, i spent three hours underwater once.” Mob looked thoughtful. “Didnt he say it was like plants? I think we just filter things.” “ARE WE THERE YET?” Ritsu sighed. “You know he’s just going to keep saying it until you answer” “*odd, that didnt stop him the last 16 times i told him no*” “:3c *ARE WE THERE YET*” “I dont think shou’s been on a road trip before.” “Nah, not since my mom took me out to see the stars” “I’ve never actually left the city at night, what’s that like?” “*more than you can count*” “Does the Milkyway look any different to you guys?” “*>:3c are we there yet?*” “Shishou i think im getting carsick” “ Do you need me to pull over? We’re almost there Mob it’ just arou- wait, how?” “It feels like i left my stomach back at the house.” “I think it’s probably because the car doesnt have a gravitational pull like the Earth does, I know I used to feel queasy on the planes until i figured out how to move with them.” “We’re on a ball of rock flinging itself around the sun at god knows what speed and the *traveling in vehicles* makes you feel sick” “Yeah Boss, *but you dont weight more than the car does*” “ARE WE THERE YET” “Oh for *Yes*. T’s got the grill, dont ask what he uses it for. Dont run off too far, this is a bit of a marshy area, watch out for ticks in the grass, Welcome to *nowhere* PA.”

“*Yesss*” “Shou, wh- DONT PHASE THRO THE CAR!”

While everyone else filed out in a normal fashion, shou was already ‘helping’ unpack the car.  What he was actually doing was digging everything out and stacking them in haphazard piles that looked like a sneeze would topple them.  Fireworks sorted in some strange system that made sense to shou and only shou, meat and other foodstuffs on top of the car, and what he was apparently after at the bottom, *the charcoal*.  T watched in amusement as shou half disappeared into the trunk in order to grab the bag before approaching to snatch him by the pants and hauled him out bag and all. “Thanks for finding the charcoal for me firecracker, i know you werent trying to sneak off with one of the bags before we even got the grill set up.” Shou blinked at T upside down and grinned sheepishly. “Maybe” “That doesnt sound guilty at all, you do realize that if you wait about ten minutes we’ll have them all on fire and the food cooking and *then* you can start raiding the bags. I brought extra just because i know you rather eat the *supplies* than the food.” “THANKS T! Did i ever tell you youre the best? *’cause youre the best*” “I know i am, now go pull out the daytime fireworks and smoke bombs so we dont have bugs in our dinner while i go and stop reigen from confusing seri on the grill. Seri’s a master at this Ikei stuff and reigen still puts his shoes on the wrong feet sometimes.” “That explains *so* much”

Soon the air was filled with the smell of meat and veggie kabobs grilling and the sharp bite of chemicals as the kids set off sparkler wands and clouds of coloured smoke.  Shou and ritsu seemed to be having a sword fight with their’s while teru and mob were writing their names in the air.  Reigen returned from the piles of dubiously legal fireworks holding a handful of wands which he offered to seri in a flourish and passed a small bag to T. “I dont have a lighter in the car anymore and i think the kids have the matches right now, but i want to know how shou got *that*.” T looked in the bag and pulled out a smallish bottle with masking tape label saying ‘Na’. “Huh, shou’s got the same supplier as the mib” “Wait you know what that *is*? “It’s just pure sodium. There are less shady sources but this guy has a deal with us, we get half off and even print ads for other labs.” T rummaged farther into the bag. “Oh *neat* he’s got all kinds of homemade firework kits in here.” “T THAT IS *NOT* A ‘Neat’ THAT SHOU GETTING ILLEGAL THI-” “Oh none of these are illegal, i think, you just cant really buy them all too easily, it’s not like most stores carry them. Well, this one might be, but it’s just that since shou is underage that means he shouldnt have been able to get ahold of this. Actually on second thought, i’m pretty sure this is his *father’s* supplier. SO you might be more right than i am.  I could make a ship with a warp drive and never get it out of atmosphere. I have a permit to buy everything but rocket fuel.”

“Youre not making me feel any better about this, T” T frowned down at the bag of elements and cardboard. “Well this might, Shou at least didnt bring the things that make starkids sick, so he either listens, or he ate them before this so we wouldnt know.” Reigen looked over where shou was gathering a handful of smokebombs and was trying to tie all the fuses together. “Hey! Make sure to save the leftover sticks, we can use those to light the fuses so we save the matches.” Ritsu looked up from where he was trying to light another sparkler, “*We have matches?*” Shou’s smile faltered for a minute.. “Oops?” “What have you been lighting them with then?” Teru shrugged, “phosphorous tastes good, and it’s not like we actually need them to set anything on fire. Sparks are easy enough to do.” Ritsu glared up at teru, “says you. Shou, how does this work again?” “You just pull a bunch of energy in one spot. Like picking things up, only instead of grabbing it, you jab it.”  Turning the sparkler over in his hands, ritsu pinched the one end and pushed his thumb against the tip like he was popping the flower off a stem.  The sparkler burst into life with a shower of sparks as ritsu jumped and pulled his hand away from the live end. “HA *told* you could do it! now light up my *masterpiece*”  With a twist of light not unlike the heat waves on Phoenix roads, shou shifted into his starform. Curling in the air his brighter colours nearly blended into the sunset of the sky. Shou held his rainbow cherry stem collection for ritsu to light before swinging it into orbit around himself and flinging the smokebombs into the air with a mimicked shreeck of launching a rocket. They went up 60 feet before the smoke began leaking out and another 20 before they separated and fell apart leaving trails arcing to the ground like a radial rainbow and landed in the grass still hissing out smoke. Shou darted for the nearest one like a flaming arrow and dove into the blue column. “HEY RITSU LOOK!” Ritsu looked, and saw more blue smoke spreading out from where shou displaced it. “Shou i cant see you.” “Really? Not at all? What about you teru?” Teru glanced up from comparing the colours of the fading smoke to the stripes on his tail. He tilted his head, squinted at where shou’s voice was coming from, and rotated his eyes a degree like switching lenses in a microscope. “You are still in the smoke right? I’m not sure if im spotting your energy there or if it’s just the remains of the sunset reflecting off that cloud behind it. “YES!” Shou flickered into sight a few feet away from where teru was looking. “I’ve *never* managed to disappear into smoke before! Do we have anymore of those?” Mob looked at the empty wrappers shou had tossed in a box. “I think you used the last ones.” “Oh right, oh well, you know that this means?!” Shou floated over to the piles he had left and grabbed an armful of ground fountains. Ritsu handed the last remains of the sparkler to his brother and looked back at where reigen was attempting to fish out a dropped burger from the coals. “Actually i think it’s dinner time” Shou’s eyes got wide as he let the fountains drop limply from his arms. “Oooh right *food.* i forgot. RACE YA.”  Zipping to the table only to u-turn on a dime and grab a firework from the bottom of the pile, he tossed it into his mouth before returning to sit next to teru place like the model of the hungry teenager he was.  Shou grinned smugly at teru as ritsu and mob sat next to them. After all the only point of winning was to get the food first. “Pass the fruit salad *please~*” Teru looked shou in the eye, scooped some for himself, and passed it to mob. Shou pouted. Mob looked between teru and shou before passing it to ritsu. “Oh *come on* really?” “Oh sorry, it’s just that ritsu likes it and you tend to take what’s left.” “Yeah that’s fair, but i’d *share* with him.” Serizawa looked at the table nearly covered in food. “Um, reigen, what is this table doing out here anyway?” Reigen paused from eating his burger to wipe the sauce from his face and answer. “Donno, We’re not too far off the Poconos and the Appalachian Trail. You can head down almost any dirt road here and find a picnic table, it’s *weird*. Why does anyone wants to eat outside with all the bugs. Well, i guess the grilled hamburgers are worth it.” “Oh! Speaking of, here shou, i salvaged the victims of reigen’s cooking and shifted the ashes from the coals for you.” “Did i say T was the best? Scratch that, *youre the best seri*” “HEY, *You burned some of them too! Dont blame them all on me!” “Yeah Raygun, but seri’s doesnt flip them ten feet into the air for them to land land five feet away from the grill. Where did those go by the way?” “...”

shou had been the second to the table, he was also second last to leave it. The setting twilight and full stomachs had left teru half asleep and shou was stacking the left over plates to encase him. The rest of the group was slowly gravitating to the pile of fireworks placing blankets on the ground to sit on in anticipation. Mob stretched out on the back edge and propped himself up on his side with his tail curled around the right edge like a barrier. Ritsu immediately hauled his blanket over to his side to claim the area in front of him while T dumped a pile of pillows in the center and kicked them apart and dropped onto his back next to where Serizawa joined Mob in starform and was bunching a blanket and laid on top of it like a saint bernard sized sphinx. Reigen surveyed everyone before clapping his hands together. “Alright, everyone’s eaten, garbage has been gathered, or also eaten while i wasn't looking,” Reigen sat down on Seri’s other sit and twisted back to look at the last two remaining kids. ”Someone needs to wake up teru before we can start.”

 “I GOT IT”

 “I’m not alseep shou *dont you dare*” “K, and since we seem to have misplaced the matches in someone’s stomachs, who wants to do the weird trick to set these off? You can take turns, just be careful.” Shou stopped pulling up grass and sprinkling it on teru to dash over in a blur of orange light. “I DO, I’LL GO FIRST I GOT THEM AFTER ALL”  Shou hovered over the pile and grabbed a small thing with a paper bee pattern, flicked the fuse over his wrist like a snap bracelet and threw it at teru. The firework let out a handful of large yellow sparks before giving out a sharp shriek. Teru echoed it as he lit up, tripped over backwards, and glared at shou from where he was tangled in the table as his stripes strobed as if he could give shou a seizure in retaliation.  The nearby fireflies begin blinking their way towards him even after he stilled his colours. “SHOU WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINKING YOU COULD HAVE HURT TERU” “Nah he’s fine,” Shou had the audacity to look at Reigen like he was crazy. Flicking his tail at the firework which was cheerily spitting sparks at Teru and bouncing off the air eight inches from him Shou went on. “you would have to set one of the bigs ones off and hold it right against his side before he felt it. A little spark like those wouldnt have even gotten through my old coat.” Reigen sighed and rubbed at his face. “It’s not like you could have *known* tha-” Shou puffed out like an angry cat with the low building yowl behind it. “I *do*. The larger sparks are like being bitten by a bug, not that any of us would know what that’s like since we’re *living bug zappers.* “ Teru pulled himself out of the table with the grace of a snake and reached down to crush the now dead firework before somewhat agreeing with Shou. Drifting over to join the others with the cloud of fireflies merrily following him teru tucked himself next to Mob’s spot half curled into a knot and claimed the other two sides of the blanket. His tail perfectly mirrored the six inches from the corner as mob’s did, as if he was trying to hide the fact he was longer in length without letting anyone notice. The bugs continued to flash and attempted to land on him only to veer off at odd angles as they got close. The few that didnt flash managed to touchdown on the bright yellow/green patches and flashed in time as the stripes passed under them in waves. Teru sighed. “They're just as annoying though, at least *those* i can fry out of existence” Mob gave him a look. “*deflect* and strongly encourage to fly elsewhere. And not everyone holds as much energy in their field as you do shou. That’s how you *lose* it.” “If you makes you feel better Sparky,” T grinned, “im sure you're a very *pretty* firefly” Teru flicked his stripes blue for a moment causing the bugs to scatter and circle in confusion like dancing stars. Shou waved his tail into the swarm to show how the lit bugs also failed to make contact with him before giving reigen a challenging look. Reigen sighed as, once again, shou continued to prove normal rules didnt apply to him. “OK, fine. Starkids are mildly firework proof, *im* not. Neither is T, or the grass. Possibly Ritsu.” Ritsu shrugged “It hurts if i let them touch my skin for a few seconds but it builds up to the burn” “Right, so try not to throw any around please. Last thing we want is a fire and i *know* you guys aren't fireproof. Wait, Shou eats fire, T help?” T waved his hand in a iffy motion “It’s the energy transfer, um think sugar glass? If you get enough that makes it hard to break through but it still hurts. Huh, that would make fireworks like candy then.” “YUP.” Shou popped a handful of ground snappers into his mouth and spat out a bit of smoke. Hooking another fountain and tossing it *unlit* to teru as a peace offering, he spun thro the air. “Come on! Everything’s fine, no one’s hurt, you two can stand next to Mob if you’re worried about sparks, he’s got like, a three foot clearance. Seri’s got like, *five*.  And i got a *stack* of these shitty fountains we can munch on while we use the *good* ones” Mob and Ritsu glanced at each other. “Wait we’re not setting these off first?” “We used to go in order of size when our dad got them.” “Nah, they arnt worth the gunpower” Shou grabbed a bundle of rockets wrapped around a single pole and stabbed it into the ground. “Now *these*, *these are worth it”* and planting his hands on the ground Shou cracked his tail like a whip across the fuse as it sparked and Blasted one rocket into the air. The head of every starkid snapped to follow it’s movement with all three eyes. The resulting ring of colours was surprisingly large for a three inch rocket. As the white faded from the air the next rocket caught and launched after it. The green jitterbugs spun and wiggled through the air as shou echoed the whistle and followed the movements like a bee dance. The third one shou chased up after as it shot off and he darted underneath it after a purplish ‘bug’ and snapped at it. Twisting around to avoid the next rocket he dove back down to the group and grinned. Then spat out the spark that flashed and fizzled in the middle of the air between them. With the “THLP” signaling the launch shou flipped in the air to go after it only for Seri to lift a paw from the blanket nest.  Everyone but Teru missed the explosion in favor of watching Shou squirm in the air as he slowly drifted down and flattened against the ground. “Shou no. You dont want to catch that in the air before they go off, you cant eat them faster than they explode.” “Yeah Firecracker, dont play fetch with the fireworks, i think Raygun’s having a heart attack.” Shou dug his claws into the dirt and huffed. He twitched as another launched and glared at Seri until he put his paw down, letting Shou drift back into the air. Teru was glad that no one could see his second set of hands. While he looked to be sitting perfectly poised, he had his own claws dug into the blankets to stop himself from jerking after fireworks as well. “I wasn- yeah fine.  *i still wanna catch it tho*.” “Why dont you just eat the other ones then?” “those dont *move*” Shou fluttered over to the boxes and emptied them out and stuck the rest in the ground before snapping a claw over  the fuse of one. “What, do we need to toss them for you? If it makes you stop going after the rockets we can. Not going to light them though.” “Nah im good on food, it’s just that they dart off *fast-*” The next rocket went off and shou *lunged* only for Teru to make a sharp ‘Stri!ik’ sound at him and Shou flipped back like he *wasnt* just about to chase down the firework. T perked up at the sound teru made more than any of the fireworks as he pulled out his phone and clipped a bit of video. “Oooh Sparky that one’s ‘come here’ right?” Reigen stared at T in disbelief. “Have you been recording this whole evening?” Ritsu glanced over from where he was leaning against his brother side. “No that was ‘stay’, this one’s ‘come here’” and ritsu gave a whistle of a quarter note followed by a higher eighth. Shou flashed over to his side and wiggled himself between Mob’s inky darkness and Ritsu’s back with a placating warble. “It’s a bit longer, but i think it’s the same base of ‘here’. ‘There’ is a bit lower and longer than both of them” ritsu frowned. “Or shorter?”  Shou settled like an oversized neck pillow and flipped upside down to look at both ritsu and T. “Depends on how *far* ‘there’ is. You say it first and hold it as long as you need to. Pops used to laugh when people asked where he was from and kept it up for ages underneath his words.” “Huh, do the fireworks say anything?” Mob blinked down at T. “Not really? It’s a bit flat, but some of them sound like you startled them and they want you to back off” “Yeah, they do kinda sound angry in a way, but the ones that *pop* are the BEST” Crackling along with the firework pack’s final five rockets, shou’s constant movement made him slip sideways off mob who caught him from tipping over completely in the curl of his tail.  Shou peered over at Teru with a grin as Ritsu wrapped an arm over him to hold him still and take advantage of his warmth. “Hey *teru*, you wanna set off the next pack? Or is your tail too jagged to reach that far?” Responding with a “*easily~*” Teru snapped his tail like a lightening bolt and with a fizz the last set burned and started shooting off small white streams. Then shot off one that flew up high. It went off with a thunderous *bang*”that shou mimicked with a bark like a car backfiring. Followed by two more. “Shou this isn’t just flashbangs is it?” “Nah it’s got others in it, there’s just a few in the start first.” Watching the orange trail of the next one everyone was surprised when Teru joined Shou’s echoing with his own electrical short of a bang.“Does th-” Before T managed to ask them what it was about he was cut off by another flashbang as the two of them repeated the sound. Followed hesitantly by a chime of a struck wineglass from Mob. “Do you guys like these or what?” Ritsu looked just as baffled as Reigen did while the sky popped and shrieked with colours. “Niisan normally hates the loud ones.” “Oh, it’s just that Shou and Teruki already responded so i thought i might as well too.” T pounced on that phrasing as he did with any other tidbit about starkids’ natural behaviors. “SO that *means* something? *What?*” *BANG* Seri stopped twisting the blanket into knots as the others continued their chorus. Shou’s immediate smaller echo, teru, who had refined his sound into something more viola based, and mob’s short ringing ping. Tilting his head as he listened he attempted to find words for such a short sound. “I’m not sure if it’s actually asking for a response, it just seems expected, but it’s a bit of a ‘i’m here. Who’s there?” BANG, BaNG, thi!vvvz!, Thri!ing! “That doesn't sound anything like ‘here.’” “I know, it’s *flat* sounding, but you dont have to say* youre there, that’s just implied.” “Yup! ‘Im *me!’ works just fine. All ya have to do is just sorta say something that sounds like you,” Shou twisted out of ritsu’ grasp and swam in the air over Serizawa. Reigen looked over at shou who started poking and “pip”ing at Seri. “Wait so it’s basicly a great big hello?” “It’s not that friendly, the whole game is not getting caught unless you think you can win. I *so* wouldnt announce myself if i didnt know it wasnt’ actually anyone there. Or if you guys werent here. Pops was deeper than ‘feel it in your bones.’” Switching from poking with claws to digging them in and *pulling* Shou kept at his antics at bothering Seri into paying attention. “Come *on* youre the only one that hasn’t done it. And youre the *biggest*, come oooonnnn.” Shou flopped on top of Seri and flailed dramatically as he held the whine longer than humanly possible. “We dont live over here shou, and there isn’t actually anyone there to hear it.” “*That’s the point* it’s just us. It’s not like the *space* police are going to get you.” Shou glanced over at Reigen. “He’d have to eat more veggies than burgers if he ever wanted to pick you up.” “HEY, i resembl- *resent* that statement. So if’s it’s not ‘hello’ than what *does* it mean?” Shou grinned as the final rocket launched and *boomed*. “*POLO*” ~~almost could end it here~~

Epilogue --

  Packing the cars was much simpler with only the bedding to toss in. The park may have had a ‘carry in, carry out’ policy, but trash had a habit of disappearing after reigen’s cluster of starkids had last doubled. Reigen did one last head count and coming up short on the shortest one, only for ritsu to tap the green jacket in his lap as shou sprawled over the laps of everyone in the back. “It’s a miracle, Shou actually *sleeps*.” Only for his head to pop back up and hazily face reigen’s voice, and then drop back into Ritsu’ lap.  Teru was already passed out and was leaning on mob’s sholder. “Well it was *almost* a miracle.” Seri shook his head. “You can find him tucked into places all over, i think the real miracle would be if he actually slept in his own bed. Im just glad i’ve been finding him in the house more often.” Somewhere off in the woods near the highway another few fireworks lit up the horizon. “So we never did hear what your ‘polo’ was.” “OH, um sorry? I’m not really good with most Starsong-” Shou rolled over and gave a softer version of the sound he made from before, now more recognizable as the  ‘pop’ of a fireplace. The sound of a water hitting a stone cliff at *just* the right angle followed it as Seri covered his reddening face with his hands. The silence that followed was only broken by the snickering from Shou attempting to repeat it with the *distinctive* sound of a soaked towel slapping against a wall.  Reigen bit back his own laughter as he looked between Seri and the road. “*THAT* was the most *inelegant* sound i have ever heard you make.  They’re normally so *serene*.” “It’s. They’re just white noise really. Theyre not that nice.” “Are you kidding? There’s a reason people have hours of recordings waves and noise. Theyre *peaceful*.” Half letting go of the wheel, Reigen started conducting the sounds. “That Shooosh *swisssh*, the bubbly purr you do when you do that thing where you twist your tail when your nervous. That rush of roaring water you make when you angry is terrifying but i like that one too.” “You *like* those sounds?” “Hey, i like them too. I wouldnt copy them if i didnt!” “Shou you made fart noises for the first hour of the car ride, i thought you just liked to copy the most annoying things you hear.”

“Well yeah, *i like them*. Your’s arn’t annoying, it’s your *sound*. Do you know how hard it is to change accents?” “Um, harder than learning a new language?” “Yep, and that’s your’s.” Shou broke off with a squeak of a yawn. “Reigen’s isnt as nice tho, can you keep it down?” “Sure it’s late anyway.” “Oh um Reigen? Could you not tell T? He can be a bit insistent about the alien stuff.” “No problem, he’s just like that with everything it’s his job and his life, 24/7. Tell him no and he backs off, he’s good with lines.  Just dont tell him i was the one that ate those burgers i flipped off the grill.” “deal.”

---

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘