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izzy-b-hands · 9 months ago

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There's a man vomiting loudly outside (potentially in our parking lot, but I'm deeply in an overstimulated autism thing rn and i simply cannot be arsed to get up and check)

I would normally, but there's already a man out there interrogating him and like. I'm sure he's well-intentioned, but I lost my shit at his opener of 'Hey buddy, you having a good day?'

He's being violently sick in public; i think you can assume he's not enjoying this day.

#text post #im hitting the shower in a few minutes then after letting myself have an edible (held off all day for various reasons)#then i wanna get as close to wizard high as possible and disappear into Minecraft with Housemate for the night lmao #don't get me wrong today was actually very productive for me #resumes sent out decent amt of prolific done a new fic started and some drafts worked on #plus dishes done #but like. idk. my brain is very fast and angry and tired and i don't wanna be in this headspace #and i think i just overwhelmed myself with stuff a tiny bit today bc like. i know when im at the edge of it sometimes #but it's too easy to force myself past it in the name of productivity then deal with the fallout after #as i type this i realise i also need to clean the downstairs bathroom fan and forgor #but!! i forgot to mention i was able to get a belated bday gift out to my mum! got it ordered to b shipped to her at least lol #v glad I got that done #tw emetophobia #anyway i feel terrible for this guy and hope by the time i leave the shower he's doing better

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i-chew-on-pushpins · 14 days ago

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amazing how much* i can get done when i have adhd medication in my system

*by "how much", i mean "a normal amount of household chores"

#i got 2 loads of laundry done and cleaned the bathroom #plus did some dishes #it's crazy how this level of work would take me hours of fighting myself to get this done normally

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pandaspwnz · 3 months ago

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Whoever decided it was a good idea to bake a pie on a fucking wednesday afternoon is a goddamn clown and should be dropkicked into the sun

#🤡#it's me #god it was SO much more complicated than i thought!#i baked pie just a few weeks ago and there was no problem so i figured today would be the same but nooOoO #i can't function in a dirty kitchen so I had to do the dishes first and let my ingredients thaw as most are stuff i buy or gather on sale #and then use when i have energy or want to #but yeah i did the dishes for like an hour and a half yesterday so in my brain baking a pie would just be as easy as me going to the kitchen #and getting started! meanwhile i forgot mom cooked dinner yesterday and somehow that woman uses every goddamn pot and pan in the house when #she cooks #so i had to clean that up plus glasses and utensils and stuff we used since yesterday afternoon #anyway then i started on the actual fucking pie and i semi followed a recipe this time and it called for one and a half TEAspoons of #cinnamon but last time i baked a pie i was just going off my own brain and i used half a TABLESPOON so like. same fucking thing basically #but my brain read the recipe and was like oh that's kind of a lot. double checked yep that says tablespoons okay i mean sally hasnt led me #astray before in it goes THEN MY BRAIN READS IT RIGHT and I'm like fuck #that said 1.5 teaspoons not 1.5 tablespoons #and i had dumped it in on top of other unmixed spices so i couldnt just scoop it out #anyway i think i managed to save it maybe? drained a lot of liquid and reduced it instead and i tasted an apple and it was good though i #havent tried the reduction yet and i only added a little to the pie #AND THEN FOR SOME REASON I DECIDED TO DO A LATTICE CRUST. EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY EVER DONE IT ONCE BEFORE #and did i look at a guide? nope. it took forever #anyway girlie is finally in the oven and if it turns out bad I'm throwing out my oven #my post #baking #this took so much more energy than i was expecting it to #it better be fucking good!

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vampmilf · 4 months ago

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barely an hour at work and already on the brink of another breakdown i need to quit this fucking job and/or perhaps kill myself

#my boss told me i work too much overtime and i agree but also i am literally the only trained person on kitchen and unless we're fully #booked im alone and have to do everything myself and if theres a task i cant finish its waiting there for me tomorrow to pick back up plus #literally everything else bc everything in this hotel is fucking broken so i cant even do everything on time like this fucking dishwasher is #now broken for the what?? tenth time this summer???? hello???? so the dishes keep piling up and up and up and i have to do them later #whenever the technician shows up but that all goes toward extra time that i cant do certain tasks #pkus the night guard is incompetent as fuck every single morning theres so many mistakes i need to fix and i always have to clean up his #parts as well bc he never finishes breakfast on time and then leaves the kitchen looking like a mess #and the buffet looks like shit bc even though i tell him a million times how hes supposed to put things he keeps doing them differently and #BADLY on top of that so the buffet looks like someone just threw up some food on it in random order like i cant keep coming an hour early #just to hold your hand through the process of putting prepared food in the designated spaces youve been here for a month now at some point #youre gonna have to be able to fucking do this every time i come an hour early thats an hour i work longer every day bc of course all the #cleaning up after breakfast is done doesnt get any shorter #and then on top of THAT apparently im now responsible for ordering shit for the entire hotel and running meetings and oh yeah im also #supposed to watch over reception tomorrow WHILE doing breakfast. fantastic. thats gonna go so well i cant wait 👍🏻#and im also working on sunday btw. so cool. bc clearly im so well adjusted and also mentally stable that i dont need a weekend or whatever.#and its fully booked with one of the most important businesses in town so like no pressure no pressure #and of course the boss is on vacation bc she somehow is always on vacation during the busiest days which is also so cool of her to do #also did i mention no one is ever gonna love me and ill die alone bc i only fall for people i can never be with #but also thats cool and chill and i dont even care 👍🏻

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tealfruit · 7 months ago

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our apartment is the cleanest it's been almost since we moved in here and I still have. A Lot to do

#nerd alert #its just washing the dishes + cleaning the bathroom + cleaning the stairwell ill be able to get it done #but ough. ive added some extra steps in so im like Augh #plus we dont have all our laundry washed STILL....i hate not having a washer/dryer at home

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dullahandyke · 8 months ago

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life is so good and awesome peace and love on planet earth

#my plans r that im probs gonna go shopping tomorrow bcos i need a few bits in town #need to try out sports bras n then also stock up on vitamins and see if they have a pill box w more than 2 daily compartments #plus itll b nice to walk around a bit after pretty much living in my apartment w only corner store trips for the past couple days #and then the day after that i need to go 2 my parents house bcos ill b out of ritalin and i left the rest there #and ill chill all weekend bcos my next essay isnt until the 20th so i can afford it #and then on monday morning i have a phone call w my psychiatrist (!!)#so ill probably be at my parents house for that #and then try and go back to my apartment. itd b nice to do it in the morning-ish but idk if anyone could drive me 2 the bus stop #so itll probs b in the evening #and then once im in my apartment again ill try get cracking on the essay!!!#i know my '1.5k essay in a day' skillz r likely more a response to deadlines than a skill i can enact at will #but like. ill try and enact it #one of the essay prompts is talking abt a local museum exhibit so i might go do that itd b nice to go to the museum #take the day go to the whole museum and take notes on the specific section and let myself think for a little bit #and then do the essay the next day #and then ill b fucking done for the whole summer!!!! yippee #well there'll be assorted miscellanea needs to get done but whatever. final assignment home free #yayyyyy yippee life so nice and fun. i needed this #gonna finish changing my bedsheets and then do my dishes and get myself some ice cream and then just chill!#ough hang on i can kinda feel myself crashing after my meal. tired again. goddammit. hopefully this is temporary #anyway erm yay yippee things looking up for eimear

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makkie-is-screaming · 10 months ago

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I fucking can’t today

#Im tired and overwhelmed and I’m so sick of being the only responsible person in my house #I can’t even do my fucking school work because my dog needs food made everyday and my mom said she would start it #so I could finish my math test #then 20 mins later my brothers banging in my door bc my dog needs to go out so I have to stop my test to do that #then I see the dog food hasn’t been started so I need to do that but I have to do the dishes to make that #so I do the dishes then I’m doing the food and my brothers getting food and getting in my way bc he just can’t wait 30 mins #and he leave shit all over the counter that I need so I have to clean up after him while making dog food #then I finally finish the dog food and I’m cleaning the dishes I used when my brother comes over and leaves more dirty dishes #one had shrimp in it and the butters all gross and the smell alone made me want to vomit but I had to clean it #and I’m almost done when my sister comes out and sad that my cat got in my room and killed one of my plants n got dirt everywhere #Plus my dad came home early so now my mom wants me to vacuum #oh and I have to go to the store with her whenever she decided she’s ready to make sure she gets what we need #I’m currently sitting in my bathroom trying to calm down because I’m gonna snap and either kill someone else or myself if I don’t get a #break #And I still need to finish my math test #screaming

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dandyshucks · 11 months ago

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falling asleep tucked up against Guz's chest while he plays some video game or other,,, and he's so happy that he gets to have me in his lap while he games, and he feels so content with the world in that moment,,,

#it is a very low energy/high fatigue day today SIGH !!!#i think partially bc i didnt sleep enough but fjfkdl alas and alack that was my fault for staying up too late working on a sketch WIP #I'll post that tonight hopefully if i finish it :3 #if i can get a few dishes done today and also crochet the last 2 pieces of my is.opod amig.urumi then I'll be pretty plum pleased w myself #and then i can start putting all the pieces of the isoboy together :] !! very excited for that fjflsl this has been a year-long WIP i think #also its funny but i genuinely enjoy watching other ppl play video games fjfkdl #i think bc i grew up w two older brothers and i wasnt allowed to play video games as much as they were #so i ended up just. watching them play fairly often #also im not v good at video games in general so fjkdl i enjoy seeing other ppl play them !! plus im like. not competitive as a general rule #and then w this scenario... keyboard sounds and game controller sounds often make me sleepy and calm for some reason #so fhfkdl ... this would be a great way to lull me into a doze heehoo fjkflf and ough... laying against him... OUGGHHH exploding and dying #dandy.cmd #💜so good at being in trouble #💜a boy and his bug🪲

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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 1 year ago

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So, life update,

Alfie has pneumonia, our kitchen window is leaking again and has black mould and damp around it, and I haven't bought any Christmas presents nor will I be able to do so until the 20th

And yet I'm still doing better than I was this time last year lmao

#this is mainly venting dw #rn the thing bothering me the most is the fuckin stack of dishes that need done #but adhd plus also being ill means it aint happening any time soon

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fraddit · 1 year ago

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454 today. Did it in two bursts like the last few days. Still not done...

#i don't want to jinx it but the trick to these two writing bursts the last few days #is that i take a break and load or unload the dishwasher in between #make another cup of tea #and like... more writing *plus* my dishes are getting done???#this clearly can't last #it's too good to be true #but i'll take it while it works #shut up fraddit #i'm having fun writing this but god it'll probably the most boring thing in the world for anyone else to read #whatever #self indulgent #treat yo self #you can do whatever you want forever #etc etc

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izzy-b-hands · 11 months ago

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Trying to make my brain do anything today has just been case after case of 'well, half-assed is better than nothing I guess.'

#text post #idk why i have such bad post-survey mental dips every time but I always do #literally last night before end of my shift was like okay brain. it's ok that we aren't working after this. this is fine.#there's another survey in two weeks (for ONCE they told us in advance) and in the in between other things I can do to keep making some mone #and I felt really confident abt that at that point! wish that confidence hadn't been so misplaced bc I did in fact spiral #was actually exhausted enough to just eat shower and sleep after work but the shower was just a big spiral w/crying and scrubbing lmao #whatever. did a mini vid in the new outfit i have for the side job and will do dishes tonight #plus I'll get my shot done bc that's a day late now too #prolific and cloud i got a bit done too and i'll keep checking those thru the night #i actually wanna play gta for a bit & try it with the controller but i feel guilty every time i so much as look at steam so. we'll see #i just need to do something else useful today bc tomorrow will be a full filming day most likely so. gotta make today useful too #I know it must sound like im not really trying to work with my brain on this but i shit u not #this is my brain when im actively employing coping skills and other things to try and counteract the 'work or die' mindset #i dont know how to make it any better and at this point I don't think I can #this was baked into me as a kid lmao bc even playing needed to have a point/story/some goal to achieve #or why the fuck was i playing with my barbies or metal toy cars or dinosaur and horse figurines to begin with #im rambling to put off doing the dishes ignore me lmao

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flippedorbit · 1 year ago

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do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?

#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do)#“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean #fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD #for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing?#do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t #stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking #attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing #games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do #for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy.#you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person.#i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a #least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games.#YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize.#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.#and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum.#”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and #should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin #my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere #where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal #pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any #reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them.#i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and #get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d #actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a #person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.#i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour.#suicide mention #ask to tag

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desperatepleasures · 1 year ago

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woke up anxious for some reason (weird melatonin dreams that I can't remember maybe?) and then got sad about how I can't say goodbye to my cat before I leave for work bc he always sleeps in my ex's room 🙃

#also left my matcha on rhe my counter 😔 so I ordered sbux #so much for saving money lol but whatever ill be fed and caffeinated #okay done being angsty gonna try to make this a good day at all costs!!!#if nothing else i have good people in my life and things are materially stable even if im emotionally unstable #also i got everything done last night that i wanted to PLUS bonus dishes Despite It All #doth oversharing hour

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ningtual · 2 years ago

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they want to put me in the kitchen today at work 😫

#i am not exaggerating #i LOATHE being in the kitchen #i suck at cooking and baking and i have not an ounce of joy in me when i'm forced to do it #WHYYYY DID MY BOSS PUT ME THERE #i hope this is a one time thing bc honestly #the kitchen was the worst at my old job and yet they put me in there so often bc it got it done regardless #but i almost cried every day that i spent more than half an hour in there #NOT trying to have that today #plus they are making waffles all day like i can't do that shit #i hope they let me do the dishes bc i hate that a tiny bit less #why would they not let me do coffee pls i'm begging 😭#it's also really warm today this is the worst #000

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the-bluestreak-cat · 3 months ago

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My extremely personal red flag is if you’ve never lived independently.

Do not open tags it’s just a personal vent and I hit the tag limit (30) and that’s never happened to me before ajskdlf

#like not even having to live alone I think living with roommates gets a similar enough experience #and this is a vague blog but not for someone on this site (of course)#plus it is entirely founded on deep jealousy but like #but like man. I don’t wanna live with you if you’ve never had to maintain your own life before! bc it’s not a magic thing that happens #I’ve been ‘on my own’ for years at this point and I still struggle to keep my shit intact. maybe ur just That Good but tbh #I don’t wanna live with That attitude either!#idk man. like. it’s food. it’s dishes. keeping the floors clean. the bathroom clean. making sure you don’t run out of groceries or toiletry #it’s having a schedule of events around you. it’s being able to get places around you. it’s doing shit on ur own without friends #and again. I’m being unduly harsh. lord knows they’re better with their finances than me and that I had a spoiled ass childhood #the kind that spills into adulthood the way I refused to change my own car battery #I get that most of these things are there bc there’s limited space and they wanna care for their family and have a nest egg before moving #and it’s impossible to be mad at them for that bc it makes too much sense to do it. I’d do it if I got along better with my parents #idk. I feel like a shithead for not prioritizing them over other things in my life and it makes me defensive #bc I have to keep my life on track myself and at times it feels like they don’t #and I got frustrated bc I was late to a meetup bc I had to cook dinner and their mom brings them dinner every other day #and again. I get it. god knows I get it. but I also feel frustrated #I’d been considering a trip where we could see a national landmark but we’d have to drive two hours one way. and they’re anxious driving #and like. one time their friends car was shitting itself but that friend still ended up driving. come on dude #it is spoiled kid syndrome and my personal hamartia and I could be infinitely more understanding but #I cannot fathom not going somewhere bc I’m scared. if I want it that bad I figure it out. and sometimes it’s miserable but it’s done #and I cannot see a world where I live with someone too nervous to do things themself #urgh. I think they got into a bad wreck once when they were driving. idk. they mentioned it once in passing but I remembered them mentioning #I feel like a boomer haha.#what’s the plan for the rest of ur life? it has to be finding someone who will take on these for you #maybe not. maybe they’ll actually grow and find ways to be a person by themself but uh. depending on a person changing is bad business #I’m probably just a tightass. I couldn’t handle a roommate on account of being a huge control freak anyway lol #it’s unrelated but I’m sure I feel bad bc their other close friend (car shitting friend) is really good about this kind of stuff #driving them around covered food payments plus gifts vacations etc #hard not to feel like if I were more magnanimous this wouldn’t be a problem. but I’m not #and I shouldn’t feel bad about it but I do? bc friend b is a total star and I’m like. normal lol

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ourceliumnetwork · 9 months ago

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y'know. i don't often hate the way my brain is and how difficult it makes certain things for me.

i do a little today though.

#i'm probably going to feel this way the rest of the week #got some Stressful Stuff on my plate - none of it is world ending no matter what my brain thinks #but it's stressful and needs to get done #we already took care of One of the big major things just today because i was having a breakdown about it #because peeks threw up on my favorite shirt after having thrown up all over my bed yesterday and i'm like #she does this when there's a lot of change and stress going on and we've just moved and also we're attempting peace negotiations between he #and Solaire and it's. y'know. hampered by the fact that she's poorly socialized and both of them are dumb as rocks #and so she's stressed out because of the myriad of changes happening to her #and i'm stressed out because she's stressed out PLUS all the other bureaucratic nonsense i have in my brain #AND there's external stress in my foundkin (we're workshopping ways i can integrate the Family Label to apply to folks who weren't terrible #to me when i was a child) and it's just like #i had a really good day yesterday #i've been having pretty good days in general and i knew the crash would come and i knew that i'd get stressed about these things to the max #and that's. like. I know the science and paths behind how we got here #but i also hate that i'm here in this mindset with these things and i also cannot do the laundry myself after all #first because stairs are not always conquerable (they are Exceptionally Not For Me as of yesterday to the point where i'm going to have to #limit myself to the bathroom that doesn't have 2 stairs down to it even if it's closer in the moment)#and second because i ABHOR the texture of tide pods but i cannot deny that they are useful and so much easier to use/keep tidy #than a jug of Cleaning Goo is #so like. i'm embarrassed that all my bedding needs washing and i'm embarrassed that my shirt needs washing #and i'm embarrassed that i make dirty clothes in general and i *am* getting over that #it's slow but the fact that physically laundry is not a task i can complete on the wet side of things #(i still really enjoy the process of folding and sorting though i don't get around to it quickly)#but like. this is one of the reasons why i get freaked out about the fact that i create laundry that needs doing #even if it's not actually my fault (i'm trying very hard to remember it's not my fault the cat threw up on my clothes #and them being put away would have meant she probably would have thrown up on something else that needed to be cleaned #like the bed for example - i cannot put my whole bed away so she doesn't throw up on it)#becuase i feel like i'm burdening someone else to do a whole bunch of work for *me* and i can't do anything in return #(as if i haven't been very deliberately trying to keep up with the dishes daily this whole week so i don't feel like i contribute nothing t #the household)

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