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roryknightwrites · 10 months ago

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Reo Mikage is Actually Great BPD Representation- Some Thoughts

So I had the extremely unfortunate experience of being exposed to Blue Lock (unfortunate because it's all my tiny pea brain can think about now), and while it is absolutely full of silly guys whose brains I want to pick, this little bugger really stood out to me. The second he came onto the screen, I KNEW I smelled the borderline on him. As I watched the series and read the manga, I noticed he is actually an incredibly well-written depiction of someone struggling with BPD. Reo is a super layered character and my favorite hobby is picking apart those layers and yapping incessantly about them, so here we are. I want to write this analysis for a few reasons:

1.) Too many people misunderstand Reo and categorize him as dramatic or childish without any elaboration and he deserves a proper character deep-dive. I think him being borderline explains a LOT of his reactions/choices throughout the story.

2.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I'm diagnosed borderline and have struggled with this disorder for around ten years now, so I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). This disorder can be so isolating, especially when the majority of people will never even bother to research or understand it. I know that some people like to chalk Reo's emotional reactions up to him being a moody 17-year-old, but I think I have enough evidence to prove that this is undiagnosed BPD that's festering in his noggin. Not to mention, literally nobody else acts like this in the series. Reo is incredibly unique and distinct in the way he behaves through this narrative and I think it's way past the point of normal teenage angst. Regardless, believe what you want. He'll always be my borderline princess tho <3

3.) I have a master's degree in English and what good is that if I don't write long, painful, pointless essays on anime guys? Not that this is exceptionally well written, I just like to laugh at myself for getting a whole M.A and then this is the shit I publish online lmao

By the end of this, I hope I can shed some light on wtf is going on inside of Reo's silly little head. (I'm also obviously not a psychologist, don't use any of this to diagnose yourself pls I don't need the scandal)

If you want to read, buckle up, because this is gonna be a long one!

First, let me define BPD- It's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. At its core, it is a disorder categorized by emotional dysregulation (the inability to regulate one's emotional responses) People with BPD feel everything EXTREMELY hard. That's important to keep in mind IMO, because while their reactions may seem dramatic or extreme, what they're feeling IS dramatic and extreme. Everything they're feeling is amplified, so their reactions are amplified. Obviously from the outside, people assume it's an overreaction since they can't see what's going on inside the borderline's head. When you sit down and dissect the thought process of someone like Reo, it becomes a lot easier to understand why they react the way that they do to certain situations.

(Also, I'm not going to reiterate more than once that an explanation is not an excuse to treat people poorly. I cannot read ANYTHING on BPD without hearing every 2 minutes how the disorder isn't an excuse to hurt other people. We get it!! I'm explaining it, not excusing it. This enter essay is an analysis of why someone acts the way they do, not whether or not it's excusable)

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

Someone would only need 5 of these to receive a proper diagnosis. Just with the main story and the spin-off manga that is currently released, I think I have enough evidence to argue that Reo has 8 out of 9 criteria for a BPD diagnosis. For the sake of organization, I’m gonna group some of those together though, indicated by a + symbol. I also want to define a few important terms before I start yapping, so that y'all without BPD can understand wtf I'm even talking about.

Favorite Person (fp) - This is someone who holds massive significance in a borderline's life. They emotionally depend on this person a lot and to a certain extent, their worldview almost revolves around them.

Splitting- the change in perception of someone or something caused by black-or-white thinking or dichotomous thinking. It is the devaluation of someone who was once idealized and vice versa.

Mirroring (aka: the chameleon effect)- the constant, unconscious change in one's identity or sense of self by imitating another person’s behaviors, characteristics, or traits. It is common in people who have a vacant or distorted self-image which is a general symptom of BPD.

Now, time for me to break down the most prominent moments where Reo showcases borderline behavior. As I mentioned, I'm going to try and organize this under each criteria point (with some being grouped together)

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self:

Before I delve into Reo's relationships, I want to start with his baseline sense of identity. It’s established early on that Reo is a very bored, empty, unsatisfied person. Nothing excites him, nothing motivates him, and everything is handed to him. He’s frustrated because his parents notoriously try and buy his affection even though he doesn't want anything. For most of his life up until the narrative starts, he's wandering through life empty and frustrated. That is, until he finally sets his sights on soccer and decides to dedicate his life to winning the World Cup:

The wording, 'proves my existence' is interesting here. I think this is the first instance Reo has felt alive. So far, the only notable thing about him has been his family and his money. He hasn't achieved anything exceptional for himself, but now he has that opportunity. With this goal, he can really build something up from nothing and make it his own. It's almost like he's clinging to this dream to prove that he has some purpose in his life other than being the family heir.

Now, this dream changes when he meets Nagi, of course. I'm not gonna focus too much on their relationship in this section, but I will mention that meeting Nagi shifted Reo's entire dream, and not for the better. Through the narrative, his dream went from:

Winning the World Cup

Winning the World Cup with Nagi

Proving to Nagi that leaving him behind was a mistake

Improving himself and becoming a good striker on his own

Being a tool for Nagi to become the best striker

Had Nagi not come in and ask for Reo to come back to him, I think Reo could have done a great job at establishing his own sense of identity without Nagi. But no matter how much he works on himself, with Nagi in the picture, he's never going to value himself more than Nagi. Reo lets Nagi cloud his identity to the point where Isagi calls him out and asks what he's even doing at Blue Lock in the first place, since he clearly can't survive on his own, he needs Nagi with him.

After dealing with the turmoil of being abandoned by Nagi, Reo goes through a few stages. He starts with wanting to become somebody worthy of being beside Nagi, somebody that Nagi would want to choose. Devoting himself to becoming stronger and more versatile, his end goal is to have Nagi realize he made a mistake by leaving him behind. After a few more matches, Reo starts to realize that he needs to grow and change and become a stronger, better version of himself for himself and not for other people.

He decides that the fight was all his fault to begin with, that he should have never forced Nagi to play soccer and now he is going to get back to what his dream was originally, combined with his new desire to be a stand-alone player (and person, for that matter). Reo accepts the mistakes that he made, admits that he shouldn't have forced his ideals onto Nagi, and resolves to become a better person for HIMSELF. That's excellent!

Of course, Reo can't be happy for TOO long. Nagi comes out of the woodwork saying that he can't beat Isagi on his own and asks for Reo's help. Reo does stand up for himself a bit, saying that Nagi is being inconsiderate of his feelings and mentioning how long it took for him to recover from Nagi leaving. Now, the BPD trait here is how Reo not only forgives Nagi and is jumping on him and hugging him THE NEXT PAGE, but he also just disregards everything he said in this sequence. In a matter of two minutes, he no longer wants to be a player that can fight on his own or improve for himself, he wants to improve for Nagi. He starts ruminating again about how hurt he was when Nagi left, but now he's saying all of it wasn't so that he could get stronger individually, it was so that he could be reunited with Nagi again. Nagi asking for his help and saying that now they can play together again motivate Reo more than anything we've seen so far. (Nagi notoriously throws Reo little affection crumbs like this that Reo eats up, but I'm not trying focus on that) Now, Reo's alright with being a tool for Nagi's success again. Everything that happened was supposed to make him stronger so he could be a better partner to Nagi, right? Reo also says as the chapter ends, to please let him be a part of Nagi's dream until Nagi becomes the world's best striker. That's literally so sad!

He's also immediately back to the 'our' 'we' 'us' talk as well. If he can master his chameleon style in order to keep Nagi above the rest of the players, he wont get left behind again. If he devotes his time and energy into being a solo striker like the rest of these guys, Reo knows that he wont be able to keep up. This was always supposed to be his role, right? Building Nagi up to his full potential! :*)

I also like the detail that Reo is back to hugging Nagi and holding him, but Nagi never really touches him back. I think Reo's love language is touch for sure, not that it's incredibly relevant, but I do think it shows that Reo is back to being 100% comfortable around Nagi as if their fight never happened. I hear a lot of fans asking how Reo could have forgiven Nagi so easily, and I say this with my entire chest, it's the BPD. The black-and-white thinking combined with Nagi being Reo's fp and the excruciating pain of being abandoned by him in the first place ?? Of course he's going to take him back. Also, I've seen people blame Reo for not saying no to Nagi when he asks for help and I have to say that is an absolutely insane take. How are we gonna look at a panel where Nagi asks for help and then blame Reo for helping him?? I'm not going to focus on it too much in this post but in my opinion, it is crazy how little accountability both the narrative + fans give Nagi. Reo is pegged as responsible for both of their downfalls and it's nuts tbh.

Currently in the story, I think Reo's identity is still centered around Nagi. It's really easy for borderlines to structure their entire lives and personalities around their favorite person, but I can only hope that these two keep having open and honest discussions with one another. Hopefully, Reo will eventually learn that he can exist without Nagi and that he's more than just 'his arms and legs'.

Unstable or Changing Relationships:

The most notable relationship in Reo's life is Nagi. They're both each other's first real friends, which already sets up a less-than-ideal dynamic. Nagi has no idea how to communicate and he has pretty weak emotional intelligence. On the other hand, Reo is great at communicating, but he isn't used to regulating his emotions. For a lot of borderlines, they can go a very long time without experiencing any symptoms when they don't have a favorite person. When you think about it, the bulk of the disorder is shown through those interactions with other people. If Reo has never had a real friend in his life, I don't think he'd be used to the emotional turmoil that comes with having a fp.

The minute Reo meets Nagi, he's attached. All his classmates notice it, too. They question why Reo is suddenly so obsessed with this random kid who has no interest in him. Reo is ignoring everybody that isnt Nagi.

Very quickly, Reo boils down his view of the world to being him and Nagi versus everybody else, and he makes that very clear. It also depicts something that I think is incredibly crucial to Reo’s character that a lot of people overlook; as Nagi develops to be Reo’s favorite person, Reo’s dream isnt ‘playing soccer’ anymore. It’s Nagi. It’s being with Nagi, playing soccer with Nagi, being useful to Nagi, taking care of Nagi, and being somebody important to Nagi. He doesnt teach Nagi the rules or how to actually play, he teaches Nagi how to play with him. He literally re-writes and re-structures the game so that it can center around him and Nagi. Nagi calls him out on this in the spin-off manga:

Reo doesnt care about the structure of the game, he cares about Nagi. The other people on the field don't matter. The other team doesn't matter. He also starts to unknowingly put Nagi up on a pedestal, which is another borderline trait. He starts reiterating that Nagi is special, he's different from everybody else, he's destined to achieve great things. The more he raises Nagi up, the more he isolates the two of them in his mind, reiterating the idea that it's them against everybody else. His language reflects this too: Reo exclusively talks with 'us' 'we' 'our', insinuating that they're going to do everything together.

When Ego says that there can't be two winners, Reo says that he'll make Nagi the best striker. His 'ego' will be making Nagi successful. Along with putting Nagi on this pedestal, Reo also very early on establishes the fact that he'd pick Nagi over himself any day of the week. He's the only person in Blue Lock who really couldn't care less about becoming a striker himself: his dream is to be a tool in Nagi's success. Or, in simpler terms, he wants to be useful and make Nagi happy.

These two were in trouble from the very beginning. Nagi is lazy as all hell, has 0 motivation to do anything, and his dream is to live a life of luxury and never have to work. Reo, being the borderline baddie that he is, is more than happy to do EVERYTHING for Nagi. Borderlines love extremely hard! It's one of our best traits and I think it's important to showcase that Reo is a massive sweetheart at his core. He clearly loves Nagi a lot and goes to extreme lengths to make sure he feels taken care of. To someone with BPD, NOTHING is too big of an ask for a person they love, especially if that person is their fp. I also disagree with the argument that Reo 'made' Nagi codependent. Nagi likes being taken care of, he says it all the time. If you ask me, I would actually argue that Nagi takes advantage of Reo a little bit because he knows that Reo will do anything for him. But regardless, I think that Reo starts to develop an unspoken expectation with Nagi that he'll provide him with everything he needs, and in turn, Nagi will stick around. I don't think he's doing this intentionally, nor do I think it's being done in a manipulative way. I just think that Reo has a dormant fear of being abandoned that he doesn't totally know he has yet.

It isn't just Nagi that Reo showcases having unstable relationships with, though. Zantetsu is another good example. Reo starts out disliking Zantetsu, he snaps at him a couple times, and calls him a moron more than once. He starts to warm up to him because Nagi tells him to. The favorite person has MASSIVE sway in the borderline's life. If Nagi likes someone, Reo likes them too. (This is, of course, on the condition that they aren't a threat, looking at you Isagi).

In the immediate next chapter, Reo is acting like they're all best friends. He's climbing on top of them in their big bed, saying that the three of them are gonna win their matches, being a little pookie. He goes from not liking this guy at all to considering him one of his close friends super fast. Also on the topic of Isagi, when they're making up the teams for the second selection, Nagi doesn't initially want to tell Reo that he wants Isagi on their team bc he's worried Reo will be upset. But, when he does finally say it, Reo is literally fine with it because like I said, who Nagi likes, Reo likes! On the condition that they don't replace Reo, which clearly happened soon after.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Reo also shows how he can go from loving someone to despising him very quickly. After Chigiri and Kunigami tell him to get back up in the game post-Nagi's abandonment, we can literally see the switch flip in Reo's head:

Suddenly, he hates Nagi. Nagi's a jerk who abandoned him; he never cared about him, and he threw him away. Dude literally says "Let's kill the bastards that betrayed us". This act of unintentional devaluing is called splitting. What Reo's essentially doing is going from one extreme to the other: if Nagi isn't his perfect treasure, he's the devil that broke his heart. There's no room for a grey area. The reasoning behind borderline's developing this black-and-white mindset is rooted in self-defense. If Reo devalues Nagi into being nothing more than a traitor, then he's stripping away the power that Nagi has to hurt him. If he looks at him like a rival or a villain, it's protecting him from being hurt by Nagi again.

That doesn't mean that he genuinely believes any of this, more so, he's trying to convince himself that it's true. We see that at his core, the reason he's acting like this is because he's hurt. I'll go more into it later on, but he's constantly thinking, what does Isagi have that I don't? What do I have to do in order to win Nagi back? This black-and-white thinking is an automatic self-defense mechanism that I think he's doing subconsciously. Regardless, the shifting he's doing here can cause a little whiplash, which brings me to:

Varied or random mood swings + Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights:

I can’t think of a better way to describe Reo's temperament than the wiki, so let me quote it: "Generally, he seems to feel every emotion with full force and is extremely aware of his own faults and shortcomings, which is evident in several instances of painful breakdowns shown in the spin-off manga. Due to his high emotionality, he can even get violent when he loses his temper."

Reo is characterized as being emotionally unstable. When he's happy, he's elated! When he's sad, he's miserable. There are a ton of scenes between the manga and spin-off manga that show how fast his emotions can flip, but this one was one of my personal favorites:

In this scene, Reo has developed a little scheme in the dining hall where the guys are trading their side dishes. At face value, a throwaway moment. But, I think it's worth looking at because not only does this show Reo's emotional response being triggered in an opposite, semi-extreme direction, but the root cause for the reaction was that he felt rejected by Zantetsu. In his own weird way, he's asking Zantetsu to come over and hang out with him. He's not being exceptionally clear with that message, but I can still pick up on it. "You wanna join in, don't you?" He's extending the invite, making himself vulnerable, and Zantetsu shoots him down by saying nah, I'm fine with my noodles. Reo JUMPS on him like YOU KNOW WHAT? I TOOK THAT PERSONALLY! lol. Jokes aside, I think this moment is a great one to argue Reo's BPD tendencies because it's such a seemingly mundane interaction. Even Zantetsu is surprised by Reo's random outburst. This also sets up the fact that one of Reo's most obvious triggers is being rejected/abandoned/betrayed, an extremely common one between those of us with BPD.

Other instances of Reo having a bad temper are a lot more obvious. In the match against teams V and Z, Reo straight up elbows Raichi in the throat, and then tries to go throw hands with Kuon for hurting Nagi. He only stops because if he gets into any more fights, he’ll get thrown out of the game and won't be able to play with Nagi anymore. He’s visibly pissed though and calls Team Z a joke. Hell, even Reo himself can recognize on a certain level that he can't control his emotions: they control him. They cloud his judgment and make him react in ways that he wish he didn't.

He is constantly plagued by these extreme emotional reactions that are out of his control. Not to say that people with BPD are unable to ever control their emotions, because we can! It takes time and therapy and practice though, which Reo hasn't had. His lack of regulation is also why he has such a dramatic and extreme meltdown when Nagi abandons him.

Fear of Abandonment:

Reo's biggest trigger and the cause of his inner turmoil throughout Blue Lock is his fear of abandonment. I mentioned before that I think he's had this fear dormant inside of him for a while as so many borderlines do, since he hasn't had the chance to experience it before. He alludes to it early on when they first arrive at Blue Lock:

The thought of leaving Nagi for somebody else? Reo considers that heartless. They came together, after all. They're going to win the world cup together. Nagi could break both of his legs and Reo wouldn't leave him, because again, Reo isn't there to team up with the best player and become the best striker in the world: he's there to play with Nagi!! And, like I said, in Reo's mind it's him and Nagi vs everyone else-

Reo exhibits a lot of signs early on of being jealous while they're playing in Blue Lock. I mean, as we discussed, everything should be focused around him and Nagi. When Nagi passes to Zantetsu in the team V and Y match, Reo pulls up like 'hey, why didn't you pass it to me?? ):' There are a lot of little moments like that, but Reo's jealousy is a lot more relevant to my argument after he gets abandoned by Nagi.

Let's talk about that word: abandoned. It seems dramatic, right? Reo uses that term constantly and exclusively. Every time he brings that moment up, he uses the word 'abandoned', or he'll say 'betrayed' or 'chose'. These are very definitive words. He’s not saying Nagi ditched him or flaked on him or blew him off, no; he has abandoned him. That word choice may seem disproportionate to the situation, but that's Reo's reality. This was the ultimate betrayal to him. The constant use of that vocabulary reiterates that in Reo's mind, there is no grey area. Either Nagi chooses him, or he chooses someone else. In choosing someone else, he abandons Reo. Reo is paranoid that Nagi isn't ever going to come back to him and it's because of something that Reo is lacking. How can Nagi like Isagi more than him, anyway?

Now, I do fault Nagi a bit for not communicating better at that moment. I understand that he's bad at communication, but I don't think Reo could have been more obviously upset if he tried. The dude was in TEARS. Nagi saw him devastated and then expected everything to be fine when he met him in the bathhouse? Idk. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't realize it would upset Reo to such an extreme: maybe he thought that they would miss each other, but Reo wouldn't take it personally. I'm doing my best not to harp on Nagi since this is about Reo.

Abandonment is detrimental to people with BPD. It causes extreme inner turmoil that we see with Reo as the story progresses because it is the only thing he can think about. If he isn't trying to cover up his hurt feelings with this idea of revenge, he's self-destructing over being abandoned. He becomes obsessed with wondering why Nagi chose Isagi over him. Was there something wrong with him? Isagi isn't that impressive, why would Nagi rather be with him? These thoughts torture him endlessly and fuel his desire to 'steal' Nagi back. He literally says to Isagi, that he's going to steal Nagi back. Much to his dismay though, Reo starts to notice that Isagi is bringing out some positive traits in Nagi. Nagi's entire vibe is different with Isagi. Nagi is having fun playing soccer without Reo. In fact, he's having more fun. He's making plays he's never made before. His face is visibly different; he's more excited than before.

This is heartbreaking for Reo. Not only was he right that Isagi did have something to offer Nagi that he couldn't, but Reo is having a massive self-hate spiral during this point as well, so he's internalizing all of his flaws and mistakes while the thought is sitting in the back of his head: did Nagi actually have a good reason for abandoning me? Was I not enough to satisfy him? Did I only drag him down? This gets significantly worse the longer he watches Nagi and Isagi play:

Everything is falling apart. Nagi is doing completely fine without Reo, and Reo is an absolute mess. We're circling back to Reo's lack of identity here as well. He's watching firsthand that he's losing Nagi to Isagi: what does he do? What happens to him if he loses Nagi, who is he without Nagi? He's overwhelmed during this match and at one point Reo literally screams that he's going to tear apart their connection. Jealousy is consuming him, but it's also those feelings of inferiority and wondering if he really did deserve to be abandoned. If Nagi is so happy without him, maybe he really did have a reason. These are the thoughts that are circling around in Reo's head. Not to mention, he is constantly tortured by the flashbacks of Nagi leaving him, which I think is a great detail. Some readers might say it's just pointless recapping but I disagree, I think it's depicting how traumatic that was for Reo. As a borderline, being abandoned by your fp IS traumatic. Reo relives that moment so many times because so many things trigger it for him throughout Blue Lock. He can't even look at Chigiri and Kunigami without thinking about him and Nagi. It's a really devastating experience that quickly deteriorates him emotionally.

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness + Suicidal behavior or self-injury:

One of my favorite things about Reo is the fact that he is self-aware that he's behaving somewhat irrationally, but he doesn't know how to stop. When we look at one of the several times that Reo is curled up crying over Nagi, he mentions how he really did want to tell Nagi to go and have fun, but he didn't. He couldn't. The visuals shift for this too:

Reo doesnt want to be acting this way, but he can't help it, and that's frustrating to him. It makes him start feeling ashamed of himself. His inner thoughts start to spiral and he feels weak and alone. He's reflecting here on what his true feelings really were at that moment, and how scared and lonely and weak he felt as a result of Nagi leaving him behind.

These feelings quickly evolve into Reo feeling worthless and falling into bouts of self-hatred. He's so ashamed of the way he's feeling and behaving but it feels so out of his control. He says, "maybe if I hadn't gone to Blue Lock in the first place, I wouldn't have to experience this feeling." As I said before, borderline's feel things EXTREMELY intensely; the disorder is described as living with third-degree burns all over your body. Everything hurts. His feelings are so intense and all-consuming right now, it's all he can think about:

I saw some posts in the fandom reddit asking why Reo is acting like this. One in particular reads: "I get that he is betrayed and stuff but he is acting like it’s the end of the world, is it explained later why he acts like this? Is it because he doesn’t think he can win without Nagi?" Not to call this person out, I just want to answer the question in this post-

It has nothing to do with winning; it was never about winning. It was always about Nagi.

If we're looking at Reo through the borderline lens, it IS the end of the world for him. Nagi was his world. What's worse, he's fully aware that he's not acting rationally and he doesn't know why, which is making him feel ashamed and weak and embarrassed. Now I know why he's acting like this, but there are no Blue Lock psychiatrists sitting around to wack him with the mood stabilizers or the DBT handbook, so he's gonna stay feeling like a monster.

He lets these thoughts, along with the resentment and anger from being abandoned in the first place, fuel him for the second selection match. As he's watching the game play out, as Nagi is about to score the winning goal, Reo's mind starts racing with intrusive, negative thoughts.

He's praying that Nagi fails, that he gives up, that he stops trying, anything to stop that solidifying moment where he scores the winning goal and proves once and for all that not only was Reo not strong enough to stop him, but Nagi doesn't need him anymore. He catches himself really quickly, because he realizes he's sounding just like his parents. Everything is spinning out of control so bad, Reo wants Nagi to end up in a vulnerable position so that he isn't the only one falling apart. As he catches himself thinking this, he's disgusted with himself. He calls himself 'utter trash', and as he watches Nagi score the winning goal, he falls to his knees, wishing he was dead.

As he sits there decomposing in emotional turmoil and suicidal ideation, Nagi's team chooses Chigiri to join them, and it's the nail in the coffin. This is probably Reo's lowest point in the entire story IMO. Nagi comes up to compliment him on his plays and Reo shows us another classic borderline move: he's anticipating how bad it's going to hurt to be abandoned by Nagi again, so he's trying to push him away before it can happen. We see the dichotomy of his spoken words and inner thoughts here, where he's talking big game to Nagi, saying things like 'you clearly don't care about me anymore, you're throwing me away, if you're going to abandon me just do it properly', while internally he's thinking 'I'm the worst, I wish I was dead, please take this bait and break my heart so that I can self destruct in peace'.

i LOVE the visuals during this moment. This is what Reo thinks is his last line of defense, the last thing he can do to preserve any part of his dignity is to make Nagi hate him so that he'll stop throwing these crumbs of affection at him. It's also really telling that despite his switch in behavior and the devaluing of Nagi, the root of all of that is STILL that he was so hurt by the abandonment.

I don't think I need to analyze the suicidal ideation because he just straight up says he wants to die like three times in this scene but, aside from that, the visual of his inner thoughts vs what he's actually saying is so powerful. Not to mention the chameleon imagery which i'll geek out about in a second, this is another example of his black and white thinking along with the reiteration that being abandoned was literally traumatic for Reo: he says they can never go back to what they were before. Speaking as a borderline, this is painfully true. When people break my trust even in a small way, I can never view them the same as I used to. I can forgive them and let it go, but I'll never be as open with them as I once was. In Reo's shoes, he had Nagi up on this pedestal that he was perfect and would never do anything to hurt him, but he did hurt him (in the worst way possible).

After Nagi tells him he's a pain in the ass and that he doesn't care anymore, Reo thanks him for 'finishing him off'. In his mind, they're done now and he can suffer in peace and quiet without dragging Nagi down anymore.

Bonus Point: The Chameleon Effect

I LOVE THE FACT THAT HIS THING IS CHAMELEONS AHHHH

The chameleon imagery with Reo makes me INSANE dude. As I mentioned towards the beginning of this post, a part of borderline that is seldom talked about is the tendency to take on 'the chameleon effect', or mirror the people around them. REO'S ENTIRE THING IS CHAMELEONS LIKE BFFR ?? That image where he was trying to get Nagi to hate him, was before he even started using his chameleon style, it was just something the authors thought was necessary to include during Reo's mental breakdown. Aside from the cool imagery, his chameleon style is a reflection of his relationship with Nagi. He gets called a jack of all trades and a master of none early on in reference to how when he’s without Nagi, hes not really exceptional at anything. He never really took the time to master one specific thing because he was always so concerned with helping Nagi. This rings my BPD bell for a couple reasons: first of all, when you have no sense of identity and you’re worried it means you have no real personality ?? Steal one!! Take the closest person to you and copy that one. That’s something us baddies know VERY well. Also, think there’s something about you that your fp doesn’t like? Change it! You can morph into anything they want as long as it means they won’t leave you !! :*) Before he makes up with Nagi, he copies moves in hopes that it'll make him stronger and appear more desirable to Nagi. After they make up, he copies whoever he has to so that he can get Nagi to that goal and make himself useful, make himself somebody that Nagi wants to have around. It is a literal direct metaphor for him changing anything and everything about himself for Nagi and graaaahhhh it’s so cool

Reonagi ?? Some thoughts-

I want to close this yap session with my thoughts on Reonagi as a ship. I do think that they can work and I want to make that clear. I'm not on board with the 'borderlines arent capable of having loving and fulfilling relationships' crap. That being said, they both have to put in a bit of effort. Reo has already recognized a lot of his own issues. He admits that he was wrong for pushing his ideals onto Nagi, that he needs to let Nagi grow and be his own person, etc. Nagi really hasn't accepted any fault. I stand by the fact that Nagi needs to be more sensitive with Reo. Way too often when a relationship like this fails, all the blame is put on the one with borderline. I'm gonna be the outlier here and say that if Nagi cares about Reo, he needs to learn about Reo's triggers and be mindful of them. I'm not saying that since Reo is sensitive to abandonment that Nagi should just isolate himself from everybody else, but what I am saying is that when he's going to do something that doesn't involve Reo, he needs to learn how to communicate that he still loves and values Reo. "I'm gonna go play soccer with this person right now, but I haven't forgotten about our promise. When I come back, we can play together. I still love you and I'm not going to leave you for whoever tf I'm playing with rn." (sneaking that 'i love you' in bc like..they're literally canon at this point asdfghjkll) But, I do think that Nagi loves Reo and cares about him in his own way. The two of them just have to keep working on their communication skills. Nagi has the potential to have a hot rich husband who will literally bend over backward for him and buy him all the robux he could ever want, he's gotta put in a shred of effort!

I also like to think that Nagi didn’t totally get the fact that Reo doesn’t gaf about just playing soccer. Nagi thinks soccer is what they do together, it’s what makes reo happy, right? He’s always pushing him to train harder and take the game more seriously because he likes the sport, RIGHT? It would make perfect sense to go play with isagi so that he can get better at soccer and come back to reo a more improved player. Maybe that’s why he was surprised when Reo was so mad in the bathhouse, bc he wasn’t making the connection that Reo cares more about him than soccer. That Reo puts all that energy into him playing soccer because he thinks it’s something that they can have as their own, and once Nagi notices how good he is, he’ll start enjoying it and the two of them can hold hands and run around the soccer pitch!! I think Nagi missed that part tbh, and I don’t think he know that even now in the story. Maybe Reo doesn’t even notice it.

Anyway, a shameless plug to my reonagi playlist if that's your thing (i cooked with this one, i fear) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CsvSqmuI4cxOl1nTaV4GJ?si=737a0f21e0bd482a

Closing Thoughts:

Reo is a bpd baddie and I love him very much. I think he's a sensitive guy with a lot of feelings who would benefit from taking time to work through his trauma and his emotions. I hope that he eventually is able to build an identity for himself that doesn't involve Nagi, but baby steps, I suppose. I think Reo is a great balance of positive and negative borderline traits and he reads as a really believable and sympathetic character. He is, however, definitely that friend that you have to slap to stop them from running back to their ex.

Jokes aside though, BPD can be extremely hard to live with, even more so when it's undiagnosed and untreated. If someone you love has BPD, take the time to read up on it and do your best to understand them. I promise you, it will mean the world to them.

If you managed to get this far, thank you for reading! This was a messy stream of consciousness and I appreciate your support by listening.

#blue lock #reo mikage #reonagi #nagireo #nagi seishiro #bpd

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nowiminexileseeingyouout · 4 months ago

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short n’sweet (1/?)

kate martin x popstar!reader

contains: flirting (bad flirting)

a/n: nobody talks about how embarrassing writing fanfic is but anyway pls send me feedback or requests!!! also next part coming soon cause this was supposed to be longer im just lazy EDIT: just read this back guys are so fake bc none of the 17 of you who read this and liked it wanted to tell me i posted the unedited version full of mistakes i see how it is ANYWAY it’s all fixed now

Finding musical inspiration isn't always simple for you, for other artists it seemed to come easy all of them having catalogs of unreleased works to release whenever they seem fit, it especially hurts when you feel like you’ve exhausted and exploited every relationship you’ve ever been in, and so naturally you frequently find yourself wishing you could go through a terrible breakup only to write a few words, which was definitely a normal thing people do of course.

So after several hours cooped up in a studio in Vegas, feeling like you're drowning in wasted paper, you decided to gracefully accept the invitation to attend the season's first Las Vegas Aces game. Sports weren't your thing normally, but right now you'd do anything to get a break.

During the game, the camera may occasionally focus on you in an attempt to capture a reaction for an Instagram post or whatever but throughout the forty-minute game, you were so captivated by number 20 you didn't give much thought about anything else, you couldn’t take your eyes off her when she started playing, even though she didn't start until after the first half. Her braided ponytail swung as she moved, and she had total control over the ball as she dribbled up and down the court she had you in the palm of her hand and she had no idea.

After the game your only goal was to meet Kate eyes scanning the whole court after press was done but unfortunately for you kate was gone so the next best thing you could do was the epitome of modern flirting, follow her on instagram it probably made you look desperate considering it was only seconds after the game but it was fine nobody would notice right?

Well Kate did because not long after a notification pops up on your phone.

@/katemartin has followed you on instagram

________________________________________________________

After the game then after doing press and getting changed Kate finally made it to her car ready to head back to her apartment, not before checking her notifications, most of which were boring just her friends checking in with her or congratulating her on the aces win tonight but then she sees you followed her.

She can’t help but smile to herself of course she saw you during the game. How could she not have noticed you when you looked so good? and maybe she did put in a little more effort she was subbed in, call it the Jordan Poole effect. following you back, then taking it upon herself to scroll through your account, pictures of all of your performances and music videos you’ve done, your album cover and a few pictures of you. she likes a few of them before dming you.

@/katemartin

hey thanks for coming to the game !

and for the follow lmao

ahhh youre welcome for coming to the game and for the follow

you played really good btw

showing off??

maybe just a little?? i’m a big fan btw

ohh yeah sure a fan who doesn’t follow me

maybe i’m just a casual fan 💔💔

i guess you could say im a casual fan of you now

cause casual fans follow someone right after the game ends SURE..

Working up the courage, Kate sent you one last message before the conversation naturally halted as she felt she had to take action before this turned into just another lost opportunity.

you looked good court-side btw maybe you should come again if you liked the way i played so much

Before you could even read the message, she launched her phone onto the passenger seat with her nerves at an all time high. All she wanted to do was turn back time so you’d never get a chance to read it.

________________________________________________________

you looked good court-side btw maybe you should come again if you liked the way i played so much

You were blushing, blushing from a message, a message from someone you haven’t even talked to in person.

thanks you looked good playing ON the court ill definitely come to another game

You needed to send one last message before turning off your phone.

idk your game schedule but if your free tomorrow do you wanna grab coffee or something?

Now it was your turn to lose it. You were flirtatious, and it was evident in your music, so normally you wouldn't mind doing this sort of thing, but with Kate, it was different; you wanted to impress her because she was special. So with your Uber driver staring at you in the mirror, as you smile to yourself like an idiot you switch off your phone and relax into the backseat of the car.

#kate martin x reader #kate martin #kate martin fic

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midnightfantasiez · 1 year ago

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Pleasure Me | Lee Sangyeon

SUMMARY: ever since your boyfriend was featured in the latest issue of Men's Health, you have had a serious "problem" that you were sure that nobody was to ever find out about, that is, until you were caught red-handed by your very own boyfriend, Sangyeon.

PAIRING: model bf! Sangyeon x f!reader

GENRE: smut (18+ MDNI!!)

WARNINGS: kissing, making out, masturbation (f!reader), fingering (f!reader receiving), cum tasting (f!reader), oral (f!reader receiving), face riding

WORD COUNT: 1,564

A/N: behold my debut fic on my nsfw blog! 🤓 let's just say i've been super duper horny lately and i may or may not be on a writing spree for sexy sangyeon (pls just accept it lmao) shoutout to my loveliest @juyeonszn for reading it through i love you my bubba 😘❤️

It has been a week since your boyfriend’s nude shots were published in the media and magazines.

Your boyfriend, Sangyeon, has been working in the model industry for over five years, but only a month ago, he received an offer from one of Korea’s top fitness magazines, Men’s Health, for a photo shoot and an interview. At first, you didn’t think much of it since you’ve always known how passionate Sangyeon has been about his health and working out.

Never in a million years would you have thought that he would have to strip and be featured on the cover of the magazine's fall issue.

Sangyeon knew from the beginning how awkward the entire situation would be, and as your boyfriend, he had to consult you first and foremost to see if both of you were on the same page. As much as it somewhat bugged you at first, you reluctantly told him that it was part of his job and he should treat it as an opportunity instead.

It took some time to convince your boyfriend since he placed you first in everything that he did, but eventually, he took on the offer and was finally featured in the recent issue.

Which was when your so-called “problem” began.

You were too shy to admit nor did you want your boyfriend to ever find out about it. If he did, you would definitely throw yourself off a cliff, saying goodbye to this cruel world you live in.

You began masturbating every two days, if not almost every night. You would hide in your bedroom, especially when Sangyeon wasn’t back home from his job, and you would pleasure yourself by touching your body. You would slowly massage your breasts, and the other hand would slide down into your undies to rub your wet core. Sometimes, you would even insert one or two fingers into your entrance, and you’d envision Sangyeon pleasuring you instead.

You knew this whole thing felt so wrong, yet you could never bring yourself to tell your boyfriend about this “problem”. Hence, you decided to keep this little dirty secret to yourself.

It was a late Friday night. Sangyeon had texted you in the morning that he would be coming home late tonight as he had to meet up with some of the staff for his next photo shoot to discuss plans for the upcoming feature magazine. He texted you his usual “goodnight message”, and you did the same.

Mentally, you were doing somersaults in your brain because you had been feeling rather horny today, especially when you accidentally came across a rather sexy novel at your favourite bookstore when you had to run some errands for your company this afternoon. It was just like the idiom you learned in middle school, of how curiosity can kill the cat. And that was exactly what happened tonight.

Once you get home from work in the evening hours, you take a quick shower and have a rather simple dinner that you just easily heat in the microwave before getting yourself all cozy in your bed to read the sexy novella that you have just purchased this afternoon. To set up the mood, you even turned on your fairy lights and lit some aromatic scented candles before lying comfortably to read.

Just as you expected, the book's contents were rather spicy, and the next thing you knew, you found yourself touching your body again. Slowly, your hands slide back into your underwear, and you rub your dripping wet core. This time, you closed your eyes and tried your best to place yourself into the story's main character, attempting to envision the hot hunky male character fingering you.

But instead, that male lead eventually shifted into the vision of your boyfriend. And you eventually find yourself moaning his name.

“Oh my god… S-sangyeon… It feels so good…”

You wanted more, and god you didn’t want him to stop.

“M-more… more… aaahh—”

“Baby, what are you doing?”

That deep voice immediately had you shooting up from your bed, and you immediately turned your head in the direction of the voice.

Oh, hell no.

Why is he back? He was not supposed to be home at least till after 12am!

Not wanting to see or hear more from him, you immediately dived into your bedsheets, muffling a “goodnight, I’m asleep!”, hoping to turn him away. You swear you felt your face burning up so quickly, and your heartbeat was getting way out of control.

It didn’t take long for him to pull back the bedsheets to reveal him staring at your face.

“No no, please go away, Sangyeon! I’m about to sleep!” You protested, hoping he would leave you alone and pretend nothing had happened.

Knowing your boyfriend, though, he is not the type to let things off, especially when it intrigues him.

“I had no idea you sounded so sexy moaning my name aloud like that.” You already could hear his smirking through his voice, and you slowly opened one of your eyes to look at him. Sure enough, he was turned on and placed his hands on your thighs, gently rubbing them while inching his face closer to you.

“Hey, you know you could’ve just told me you wanted me.” He was now pecking you all over your face.

“B-but… aren’t you ashamed.. of this habit of mine?” You asked weakly, and honestly, expecting a negative answer from him.

But he reassures you instead. “Oh baby, if you were not turned on by that cover magazine that I did, then I’m afraid that what I’ve shown isn’t enough to pleasure you.”

This time, he gently lifts and positions you so that you are seated on the bed, facing the full-length mirror you have in your bedroom. He then slowly climbs into bed and sits behind you, his hands roaming your body. Gently, he leans down to your ears and gives you a whisper.

“I want you to look at yourself in the mirror. And whatever happens, don’t stop looking.”

Before you could even ask what was happening, one of his hands immediately travelled down to your underwear and began rubbing your core. Dear God, this time it is happening in real-time, it is your boyfriend’s actual hands that were pleasuring your entrance, one that you have fantasised about for long enough.

“Aww, you’re already so wet for me. Aren’t you a dirty little one?” He teased, before sliding his hands into your underwear to rub while putting some slight pressure on your entrance. Immediately, the moans he had longed to hear filled the entire room, practically music to his ears.

He then used his other free hand to grab hold of your chin to turn your head back towards him as he crashes his lips onto yours, turning the kiss into a rather steamy and messy one. You both would break off in between to grasp for some air, then reconnect your lips again, turning this into a repeated cycle.

“God—Sangyeon—please—”

“Use your words, baby. Tell me what you exactly want.”

“Your fingers… inside me… now…”

That was all he needed to hear before pushing two fingers into you, earning a sweet and pleasurable moan from you. He almost immediately picked up his pace, thrusting in and out rather quickly, which made you beg for more.

“Faster.. Faster!”

It took almost less than a minute before you came all over his fingers, and he took them out and placed them into your mouth, wanting you to savour your cum. As your breathing stabilised, he immediately commanded that you turn around and position yourself against the headrest of your bed. You were stunned, to say the least, so he had to physically help you again by placing both your hands on the headrest while he got himself comfortably under you, directly under your clit.

“Since you wanted me to pleasure you so badly, I’ll be nice and offer you once more.”

Without another word, his hands resting on both sides of your hips immediately dragged you down, and he began kissing and sucking your core rather hungrily. If you thought your moans were loud and messy enough during the first phase, you were so wrong. This felt so much better, and you wished nothing more but to stay like this for a while.

Sangyeon took his time exploring every crook and cranny of your core, ensuring he was taking in all of the sweetness while his top priority was to pleasure you well. Oh, you would definitely rate both his glorious hands and tongue a grade A+ for sure.

Your continuous moans and whimpers turned him on even more, and he began sucking a little harder while picking up his pace again. He knew you were about to reach your high and couldn’t wait for it to come.

“Oh my god, more! Sangyeon! Don’t stop!”

Eventually, you also find yourself rocking your hips onto his face, both now desperately trying to make your cum come faster as possible.

“I-I’m cumming!”

A few seconds later, you released your sweet love juice all over Sangyeon while trying to calm yourself down. It took a while for him to savour all of it before he eventually got himself up and positioned you so that you were now straddling his lap.

“I guess you are now ready for the next round.”

A/N: if you thought the self-insertion was strong then yes it is (i practically wrote this for me 🤡)

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet (join my perm taglist here!)

#deoboyznet #k-vanity #k-labels #kflixnet #the boyz #tbz #the boyz x reader #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #the boyz fanfic #tbz scenarios #lee sangyeon #lee sangyeon x reader #lee sangyeon x smut #sangyeon smut #the boyz smut #tbz smut #sangyeon imagines #sangyeon scenarios

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fluxweeed · 3 months ago

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hi i'm a grouchy old hag muttering to myself in my hut in the woods

1. not everyone finds it hurtful to find out that people are discussing their fic in private discord servers or on tiktok, actually. i for one passionately don't care that people aren't only mentioning my fic where i can see it. ofc i'm curious when one fic gets a sudden unexplained boost in kudos for a few days. am i HURT that i don't know exactly where the new readers are coming from? am i upset that the boost in hits/kudos isn't accompanied with a flurry of praise? am i sad that i can't jump into the discussion? i am not.

2. the messaging of "okay but you wouldn't post the fic if you didn't enjoy validation" makes me want to delete my ao3 immediately kasdjhfg. people post things for all sorts of reasons thank u!! my personal motivation is i'm trying to make myself feel better about making imperfect things!! the idea that by posting fic i'm inherently coming across as seeking praise makes me want to throw up. (since this discussion started, i've considered disabling comments on my fic for this reason – but i'm worried that move is so non-standard that it'll end up coming across even MORE that i want attention 😭)

3. i also pretty firmly disagree with "commenting on fic builds community!" personally i feel the community spirit when i'm in a server discussing which weasley has the biggest dick (percy). i don't feel it when people are being nice to me in my fic's comments. i'd almost go as far as to say community CAN'T be built when one person is praising another bc there's an inherent imbalance. sure, writers can mutually read and comment on each other's fic and become friends/community co-members that way, but what if u don't write? who's in YOUR comments telling u how great u are? idk about anyone else, but when i am in a community space (like a discord server) and someone starts being nice about my fic, i feel awkward; the focus shifts from a shared enjoyment onto something inherently UNshared, because one person is the creator and the others are readers. that's not to say that these interactions shouldn't happen, but imo it's disingenuous to say that's the core of fandom community.

4. i really can't stress enough how crazy it makes writers when they're writing for praise/validation. i've had conversations with very well-known drarry writers where they've been genuinely upset that nobody is reading their fic (the fic in question had hundreds of comments). i've had conversations with people who take part in fests, only to continually sort the works by stats and feel awful that theirs isn't at the top. i've had conversations with people who have had multiple devastating life events happen to them so they're struggling to write, and the lack of New Fic Comment Validation makes them feel 10x worse. i can't help but feel like if you ARE posting for feedback (or "recognition" or however you want to package it), it's genuinely not good for your brain.

5. obviously there's nuance to all of this! it's a big topic! i'm sure everyone experiences this differently! but notice how we're talking about it on tumblr, not in ao3 comments. it would probably be even more productive in a discord server. in a voice chat. you know – fandom community spaces like that.

6. can y'all keep the next round of discussions to like 700 words max pls lmao i have stuff to do

#pls i'm begging u #two pages of A4 maximum #peace and love to all tho ok ❤️#it really is nuanced!!!#but i'm afraid saying 'all writers feel X way' simply makes me want to throw my toys out of the pram like #'well i won't be a writer any more then!!!'#(i mean i think we all know it's an empty threat #if i had a comment for every time i vowed to quit writing fic i might have enough to finally feel good about myself 🥲)

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vhstown · 2 years ago

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miles away

— 1610!miles morales x gn!reader

summary: Long distance is hard — even more so when your boyfriend's mom is Rio Morales.

warnings: fluff, spanish that is hopefully right??? (pls feel free to correct if not)

word count: 2k

a/n: worst eboy known to man. another miles one-shot i thought of way too late at night lmao my boy miles is STRUGGLING somewhat edited

convention boy is online.

Miles was active: the cute boy you'd met at a Brooklyn science con last year and had been talking to for the past few months — your boyfriend? He might as well be, if it weren't for the absurd distance between you two. You almost missed the call icon with how fast you tapped it, buzzing with anticipation at the thought of speaking to him again; you hadn't talked properly in so long you almost thought he changed numbers.

Riiiiiing... Riiiiiing...

You stared at your own reflection, which was frowning back at you as the call rang for longer than usual. "Convention boy" (you'd definitely have to change that soon) was probably just busy, but your day had been infinitely boring, and you really wanted to talk to him. The both of you had chatted pretty much every day after you left Brooklyn, and despite the time difference, your calls went on for hours, making conversation about school, art, the science convention you were both forced to go to, how you almost got run over for the hundredth time — nothing and everything.

Miles probably knew more about you than your actual friends. You had jokes that nobody would be able to understand even if you tried explaining them, thousands pictures saved of each other, lots of random games you played together (that you always seemed to win somehow) and so many messages where you were flirting like you were in a middle school relationship; embarrassment was a foreign concept in your chat logs. The only thing you didn't have was... Miles himself.

He was in Brooklyn, probably the most exciting place right now. Maybe it was for the fact that Brooklyn had Spider-Man, or you were getting sick of living with your parents. Either way, you were glad you were getting out of here soon; your parents hadn't told you much, but you knew you were going to New York for school. That meant you'd be closer to Miles. Maybe you could even meet up — if Miles picked up, that is.

Beep, beep, beep!

The line went dead, and you were left staring at your own string of messages. They were read, but there was no response; he was ignoring you. Did he just... give up on you, or something? Was he no longer interested? Surely not... Should you try calling again?

He was offline now, and you flopped on your bed with a groan. It had been a whole week since you'd even texted — surely he'd let you know if something was up? It was late in New York right now, but that hadn't stopped him before. Maybe you'd try again tomorrow; he couldn't be available for you all the time.

That didn't stop you from being petty, though.

Missed voice call at 10:29PM

k Read 10:31PM

You gritted your teeth when you saw that it had been read, stopping yourself from typing another text as you rolled on your side, throwing your phone out of sight. Maybe you should ghost him — okay, you were definitely just being petty. He could still have a reason for being radio silent for so long that you just didn't know about.

The lack of his voice or even just a "hey" made you miss him, though, and the pillow you held just made your arms feel more empty than usual. You were being a little unreasonable, but you hadn't exactly had the best week. Maybe you should leave his contact name as it was, because right now it seemed like he didn't want to be anything more than some kid you met at a convention. And you thought he was supposed to be your boyfriend—

Bzzzzzt! Bzzzzzt! You reached for your phone, a preview of your own face coming up on screen. "convention boy" — he was video calling you? That was weird; as much as you did video call, he was always reluctant to turn his camera on, and he never started them. He was always "on a run" or on low battery or something; maybe he wasn't today? You realised you'd been staring at your own face for too long, scrambling to fix yourself up a little and accept the call before you missed it.

Miles' face appeared on screen; he had his headphones on, brows drawn together and eyes fixed somewhere else for a moment, before he looked back at his phone. He gave you the tiniest wave and that wonky smile that always made your stomach flip.

"Hey," you muttered, hating the fact that you probably didn't sound as mad as you wanted to be. "What's up with you? You okay?"

Miles just nodded silently, giving you another smile that looked more like a grimace before glancing off to the side again. Weird.

"...Are you sure?" you asked again, raising an eyebrow at him. Whatever Miles was trying to convince you of was completely thrown out the window, his lips pressing together in debate before he mouthed something. You couldn't make it out.

"Uh, what?" You squinted at the screen, your brows drew together even more in confusion.

"I'm GROUNDED," he mouthed again, his own brows raising to emphasise what he was trying to say. You had to bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing.

"You're GROUNDED?" you mouthed back, trying to keep the teasing smile from spreading across your face.

It didn't help, Miles' eye twitching a little in embarrassment as he mouthed back "YES!"

"So you're like, grounded grounded?" you continued to mouth, making Miles narrow his eyes at you. "Like, actually grounded?"

He didn't seem to entertain your mockery, just crossing his arms at you and moving away on his chair. His phone appeared to be propped up on his desk, and you caught a glimpse of his textbooks in the corner.

You gave up, rolling your eyes. "Fine, fine, but you can't like, speak at all?"

He shook his head, before you heard his door creaking open. The camera immediately went black as he shoved his phone underneath the textbooks before you had a chance to say anything.

"Mijo, what are you still doing up?" You could recognise the voice as his mom's. Oh boy.

"Uh, just studyin', ma." You could tell he was lying by the way he was speaking, but you stayed silent despite his headphones, hoping his mother didn't catch on.

"You better be studying Español, then." Miles laughed awkwardly in response, but you couldn't tell if it was a joke or a threat. He'd only ever referred to you as a "friend" to his mom, so you turned off your camera just in case, hoping Miles had some God to pray to in the mean time.

"Yeah, uh, estoy estudiado—"

"Estudiando", she corrected, with rapid execution. You decided she was scarier in Spanish, and Miles seemed to as well, murmuring something in apology you couldn't catch.

You decided to look through your notifications while Miles was keeping his mom at bay to see that he actually had texted you back after you sent that very creative message.

sry im grounded

i dint mean 2 ingore u

dnt be mad pls :(

He must've resorted to calling you. At least your pettiness had worked.

"Estoy estudiando..." (I'm studying...) you heard Miles continue carefully. "And tired, so I'll go to bed soon."

"That light better be off, niño," (boy) she replied, and you heard the door faintly creak again. A few moments passed before you heard Miles' chair move and the door very quietly shutting all the way before he retrieved his phone and looked down at it from his lap. You had no idea what on Earth Miles had done to get grounded, but the way his mom spoke to him and the worried expression he was wearing right now didn't tell you anything good.

Miles looked back at his door for a second longer before picking up his phone, hesitantly preparing to say something. If it weren't for your own tension, you would've probably laughed at the way his face looked from that angle.

"Why's your camera off?" you heard him whisper, his worried expression still stuck in place.

"Do you really need to see my face?" You decided to tease anyway, despite his predicament, getting a sigh out of him.

"Ba—" He winced as he caught himself, eyes automatically trailing to his door again. Miles was lucky he couldn't see your amused grin. Baby? Babe? Hopefully not basta—

"Please?" he mouthed, almost looking hurt.

You turned your camera on so quickly it was almost embarrassing. You also prayed it was dark enough for him not to see the blush burning away at your cheeks; you just couldn't say no when he looked at you like that.

"Thank you," he nearly whispered. He let out another breath, shaking his head and smiling before mouthing something you couldn't make out.

"Huh?" you asked way too many times as he tried to mumble it a little louder. Both of you were too stubborn to end the call, so it was like playing charades, but with someone who really sucked at charades. He was pointing to his face, and then at you, and then trying to draw it out in the air.

"Just text me," you sighed, letting out a slight chuckle at his defeated expression.

you look cute

Your stomach flipped, cheeks tingling with warmth again as you stared at the text message for far too long, almost forgetting Miles was in the corner of your screen.

"...Thanks, you too," you mumbled out, hoping you didn't sound too weird over the call. "You sure you don't wanna just text...?"

wnt2 see ur face

n hear u speak

A part of you wanted to decline right now out of sheer self respect; you were so hot in the face by his... simple words that the darkness of your room definitely couldn't hide how flustered you were.

"Fine," you murmured, trying to keep your eyes on the screen as he watched you. "Can't you at least try to text properly, though?"

Miles frowned, and you could hear the gentle tap of his fingers on the screen as another text followed.

tryin 2 keep up w u gimme a break

The two of you shared a smile before you talked for a bit through this awkward system. It was good enough for now; at least Miles didn't have to watch his back so often.

ur cute

"You already said that..."

cutie

"Dude." Miles seemed to forget you could see him, sporting the biggest, stupidest smile on his face as he scrambled to keep texting you.

dont call me dude

my pride

thought we were passed that

past*

convention boy is typing...

hol on gank is txting me

"Gank...?"

romm mmate

You decided to let it be, watching Miles' cheeks puff with air as he switched over to text his "romm mmate". It was taking a little long and you didn't want to start missing him when he was right in front of you (albeit just on your screen) so you decided to talk anyway.

"Uh, there's something I wanted to tell you," you started, and Miles' eyes flicked upwards for a second, kind of like if you were actually sat opposite him.

"I'm moving states soon — for school." He raised an eyebrow, the tapping of his fingers slowing down a little. "New York. I don't know where exactly, but I should be getting an email soon? I was thinking maybe we could like... meet."

Miles stopped texting entirely, eyes wide as a grin spread across his face.

"After you get uh, un-grounded."

The smile faded just as fast. His eyes fell in defeat, lips twisting awkwardly as he got back to texting "Gank".

"I haven't checked my emails in a while actually, let me see..."

You scrolled through your email— well, it was a shared email (an email you often deleted a lot of school-related stuff from.) An email you'd missed ages ago caught your eye; you assumed it was from the school you were supposed to go to, the sender titled "Ms. Weber."

"We would like you welcome you with open arms to our academy..." The email bored you with its formalities and packing list and many many flourished attachments. You didn't read through it properly — most likely because you didn't want to face the fact that you might actually miss your home here.

What caught your attention, though, was the school name; it was in Brooklyn. Miles was in Brooklyn.

"Miles — the school's in Brooklyn, that's even better!" You couldn't hide your giddy smile, Miles' eyebrows raising in interest as so many thoughts swirled through your head. You could actually meet up again. Maybe you could even go on dates that weren't to do with science conventions. Maybe you could actually be a couple.

Bzzt! Miles' text appeared at the top of your screen.

what school is it?

"Uh..." You paused, unintentionally dramatically as you checked the name again. "Brooklyn Visions Academy."

"WHAT?!"

Miles' mouth went agape as you saw him roll back on his chair, bringing his face towards the camera to look at you almost hysterically. You were about to ask why he was so taken aback before—

"¡MILES! ¡¿CON QUIÉN ESTÁS HABLANDO TAN TARDE?!" (WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO THIS LATE?!)

Maybe your meet-up would have to wait a little longer.

🕸️🔭🎧

omg this was ... longer than expected anyways i could not get this idea out of my head haha i wrote it partly for myself and my friend chewy (who helped me w the summary ily i suck at em) and now its for u! hope u enjoyed (also if the spanish is weird pls correct i literally take spanish as a subject but i suck)

reblogs appreciated as always i get so happy when ppl reblog lol <3 catch the rest of my atsv stuff here!

#miles morales x you #miles morales x y/n #miles morales x reader #miles morales x gn reader #miles morales 1610 #miles morales #1610 miles morales #1610 miles x reader #miles morales fluff #atsv x you #atsv fanfiction #across the spiderverse #vhstown #self indulgent fanfic #it is . approaching midnight right now!

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crucifiedfaerie · 1 year ago

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Kylo Ren - NSFW Alphabet

18+ MDNI

— AFTERCARE (what are they like after sex?)

not even gonna front you guys... in the beginning of your relationship, kylo is terrible at aftercare. he has a hard time accepting the fact that he loves you because he doesn't want to seem weak, and if he took care of you that would mean he loved you?... right? he wants so badly to hold you but he forces himself to resist for a long time. when he does finally open up about his feelings though, he doesn't leave your side. he loves to play with your hair, give you kisses, and tell you how beautiful you look. you are simply a precious thing to him that he wouldn't dare take for granted again.

�� BODY PART (what's their favorite body part on themselves and their partner?)

no matter how many times you tell kylo how beautiful he is, he is still super insecure about literally everything. it took a long time to convince him to even take his mask off. if he had to pick though, it would be his arms and hands which have been sculpted by years of lightsaber training. his favorite part of you however, is everything. BUUUUT if he HAD to pick, it would be your lips, he loves kissing you. kylo is also a thigh man and i stand by that statement. he's always grabbing them and when he's feeling extra soft, he loves to rest his head on them.

"i would happily die like this, you know?"

— CUM (anything to do with it)

whether he's being rough or gentle with you, even if he's edging you, you always cum before him, preferably multiple times. when it comes to him, he always prefers to cum inside you. the sight of you overstimulated, leaking with his cum is one of his favorite things.

— DIRTY SECRET

you could be doing the most mundane thing ever and kylo is hard. just the sight of you has him bricked up. luckily for him though, his dark uniform and robes hide it well.

— EXPERIENCE (how much sexual experience do they have?)

very little actually, but you'd never know it by how well that man fucks. it's like second nature to him, as if he could read your mind and know exactly what you want.

— FAVORITE POSITION

missionary and nobody can tell me otherwise !! he loves to be able to look into your eyes and watch as the pleasure overtakes you. he also loves to kiss you, trailing down your neck and leaving purple and red marks as he goes. kylo knows that the sweet sounds of your moans directly in his ear is the closest he'll ever get to heaven anyways.

"fuck- you look so beautiful like this my star."

— GOOFY (are they goofy or serious in the moment)

definitely serious. kylo is so enamored by you that he MUST focus on every detail. every moan, every whimper, every facial expression, every bead of sweat. all that matters to him is the pleasure he gives you and he pleasure he gets from you.

— HAIR (how well groomed are they? do they mind body hair?)

kylo always likes to keep tidy for you, its never completely clean shaven, but rather cut short. one time he shaved it completely, including his happy trail (one of your favorite parts of him) and you frowned at him so hard he vowed he'd never do it again LMAO. when it comes to you though, he doesn't care one bit what you do, he wants you in his bed regardless.

"how was i supposed to know you liked it that much?!"

— INTIMACY (how romantic are they?)

again, in the beginning of your relationship the romance stocks are LOW. you are his weakness and hes afraid of being weak... our babygirl is learning to have emotions, pls be patient with him. when he finally opens up though, he worships the ground you walk on... you're literally his everything.

— JACKING OFF

kylo and his right hand know each other very well. before you, he didn't seek out relationships with anyone, so he found himself finding release alone quite often. he doesn't do it so much now that he's found you, but if he's on a mission and has to leave you at starkiller for two weeks, best believe he will lock himself in the cockpit of his command shuttle and jack off thinking of all the things he's gonna do to you when he gets home.

— KINK (their favorite kinks)

when kylo is being rough, that man is a sadist. seeing you whine in pain makes his cock twitch, and his brain go fuzzy. he also has a slight blood kink and i stand by that wholeheartedly. don't worry though, the second you guys are done he's a completely different person, tending to your every need and kissing every mark he left on your perfect skin.

"i didn't hurt you too badly, did i?"

— LOCATION (their favorite place to fuck)

kylo ren is a jealous, jealous man and doesn't usually like risking the chance of someone else seeing you the way only he gets to. although, occasionally in the heat of the moment he will pull you into the nearest supply closet or refresher to have you.

— MOTIVATION (what turns them on?)

you in general. there is this insatiable, carnal need he has for you, and he's had it since the moment he laid eyes on you. something you do though, that never fails to turn him on, is when you act like a brat— he no longer has control over his body or actions at that point.

"oh you are so going to regret saying that."

— NO (what won't they do?)

kylo will never share you with anyone else. ive seen a lot of fics where kylo shares the reader with hux or the knights of ren and guys !!! guys ! there's no way in hell he's doing that !!!!! kylo is jealous, possessive, and would kill anyone that even had a mere thought about you in a sexual way.

— ORAL (giving, receiving, skill level)

when kylo is being rough, he loves facefucking. the sounds of your futile attempts to get air are so intoxicating to him. also that man is a munch !!! he drinks you up like water and he does it for so long, with so much skill, that you're seeing white-hot stars by the time he's through with you. if you start squirming too much, he uses the force to keep you in place.

"stop fucking moving, i'm not done with you."

— PACE

kylo fucks hard and deep. that man is going to the hilt, and he doesn't care if you think he's too big, hearing you say that only makes him want to go harder. if he hasn't had you in weeks, his pace is fast, as if hes acting in desperation. other times though, he likes to take his time with you and savor every moment.

"shhh sweet thing, we'll make it fit."

— QUICKIES

he doesn't mind them. sometimes the heat of the moment calls for them, but he would much prefer to take his sweet, sweet time with you.

— RISK (do they like to experiment?)

kylo is a kinky mf and is willing to try almost anything.

— STAMINA (how many rounds can they go?)

all of that rigorous training pays off in places other than battle. kylo can go multiple rounds and not feel fatigued. he loves watching you get increasingly more overstimulated, only stopping once you've begged enough to his liking.

"you want me to stop? i dont know little star, i think you can cum one more time."

— TOYS (their opinion? do they use them?)

are sex toys canon in star wars ?? LMAO... if they are, he doesn't mind them, nor does he see them as competition. he knows you much prefer his use of the force on your clit anyways.

— UNFAIR (how much do they like to tease?)

kylo loves to tease you. one of his favorite things to do to you is edge you, and gods help you if you cum before he gives you permission to.

"don't you dare cum before i tell you to."

— VOLUME (how loud are they?)

kylo doesn't hold back on the moans, especially when he's nearing his release. he will start whispering sweet nothings and strings of profanities in your ear as he cums inside of you.

"Shit- I'm- fuck- you feel s-so good. FUCK."

— WILD CARD (free headcanon)

in the beginning of your relationship, he was constantly fighting the urge to tell you he loved you while he was deep inside you. now he says it all the time, always making sure to remind you as you come undone underneath him.

"go ahead, little star. cum for me. yes just like that, gods- i love you."

— X RAY (what do they have going on underneath their clothes?)

after you've removed his MULTIPLE layers of clothing, his build is revealed to be lean and muscular. also lets be real... that man is tall and has big hands so— we're talking about like at least 6.5 inches, very girthy, slightly curved to the left, tip hex code is- (my lawyers have advised me not to continue)

— YEARNING (how high is their sex drive?)

kylo ren is a caged animal... that man wants to fuck you every moment he can get his hands on you.

— ZZZZ (how quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?)

you always fall asleep before he does, and for the first few months of your relationship, you were convinced he didn't sleep... like ever. after he became more vulnerable with you though, he would sleep around you. the first time you had woken up before him and saw him asleep you smiled and played with his hair, noticing how you'd never seen him so calm.

#kylo ren #ben solo #star wars #kylo ren x reader #ben solo x reader #star wars x reader #star wars sequel trilogy #the force awakens #the last jedi #the rise of skywalker

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anashins · 1 year ago

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Could we get a ocxJaehyun where he’s kinda insecure cos oc doesn’t show she’s jealous (just not a situation where he tries to make her jealous on purpose pls🥺) and when he confronts her about it she’s like “you have no idea how jealous I am, I mean look at yourself 😭😭😭” so the rest of the story may be smth fluffy like healthy communication or just smut lmao.

Pls <3

Pairing: Jaehyun x You

Genre: light angst, fluff, romance, a bit suggestive in the end

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: After posting a picture of you and your male best friend, your boyfriend turns very jealous. After all, you're always so casual about his life, so he assumes the reason behind is that you don't find him attractive and wait for someone better to come around. If only he knew.

A/N: Thank you for requesting! I went through this 2 days ago with my bf, this hit very close to home haha

“Having dinner with my best friend in the whole wide world!”

Jaehyun read the caption on your Instagram story post over and over again while his stomach dropped in the process.

The fact that the photo you had posted did not only show food, but a guy having his arm around your shoulder while you were leaning close to him put him into a rage. And his members were his target.

Jaehyun tossed his phone back into his bag and returned to the others who were currently learning a new choreography. By the change of his facial expression alone, Taeyong could tell that his mood had entirely shifted within an instant - something that unfortunately happened too many times lately.

“What’s wrong?”

he asked with his serious leader-voice, having predicted the outcome of this situation already and wanting to prevent it at all cost. There was no way Jaehyun would disturb the entire dance practice with his jealous mood again.

“Nothing.”

How he stood there though, with the corners of his lips facing downwards, eyes dark and arms folded across his chest, now everyone was alarmed and the leader had to look over their friendship for once and put Jaehyun in his place. Again.

“If it’s nothing, then act like it. We have a concert coming up,” Taeyong addressed him. “Otherwise I will have to send you away.”

Jaehyun just grumbled something, but remained silent. His friends rather had him silent than taking it out on everyone though, which was why nobody talked to him for the remaining hours again.

When practice was over, Taeyong walked up to him and took him aside.

“I’m telling you this not only as your leader anymore, but as your friend too, okay? Talk it out with her. Either that or you won’t be allowed on your phone during practice, Jaehyun. I’m serious. Everytime something like this happens, your mood is eating you up and everyone feels it. You can’t concentrate, you can’t memorize the moves, you cannot work with the others. This has to end.”

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun dropped his head along with his shoulders, and Taeyong felt guilty, but he had to do what he was supposed to do.

He patted his friend’s back. “It’ll be fine.” And with a grin, he added, “I mean, look at you. You’re Jeong Jaehyun. You don’t have any rivals.”

“Hey, how was your day?” you asked Jaehyun after entering his apartment.

You were in a relatively good mood as you had had a great day with your best friend who was visiting the country for a month, and since he was living abroad the majority of the time, you tried spending so much with each other as possible.

The possibility of it irking Jaehyun had only crossed your mind when he started commenting on the photos you posted kind of snarky like “Oh, you’re out together again today?”, but since he hadn’t said anything directly, you had just brushed this feeling off.

Today though, he didn’t look good at all, it was written all over his face, no matter how hard he tried to conceal it with a fake smile that he usually reserved for cringy fancalls.

“Are you okay?” you asked when you followed him into the living room. “You can tell me, you know?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just…” He took a deep breather. “I haven’t heard from you all day.”

“I’m sorry, I was busy. You know I’m rarely on my phone when I'm with people. I don’t want them to feel like I prioritize anything else over my time with them.”

He shrugged. “But there is always enough time to post on your Instagram story.”

Jaehyun could have bitten into his own tongue as he was usually very composed, but before he could redeem himself, you had already put the puzzle pieces together.

He was jealous.

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I’m just-’”

You got on your tiptoes and cupped his face. “Jaehyun… please tell me exactly what’s wrong. You know there is nothing to worry about since he has a girlfriend too and that’s just how we are together. I always told you that.”

He averted his eyes, but you remained yours. “You’re always so casual and excited about everything. You like all my posts, my stories, comment encouragingly and supportingly on them, no matter when and no matter with who. Even if I don’t find time to reply to you, even if something holds me back from returning you the same energy. Am I the only one who cares?”

“Care about what?”

“That someone might take you away from me.”

“Jaehyun…” You tilted your head. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you never reacted the same way as I. No matter where I am, what I do or what kind of videos and pictures pop up online. You never seem to be bothered, and yet here I am, not being able to return this feeling, because even when a guy looks at you, I want to get you out of his eyesight. Does it mean I’m just not that attractive in your eyes, so you’re not worried at all? I genuinely want to know.”

Your mouth stood open over the fact that your boyfriend, possibly almost every girl in your age range’s ideal type, was assuming you didn’t find him handsome. His perfect face, that graced screens, placards, phones and everyone could stare at whenever and how often they wanted. He thought he wasn’t attractive, because you didn’t show jealousy.

Of course you were jealous as hell.

You brushed with your thumbs over his cheeks, trying to ease him. “Every day, so many people get to see this handsome face and experience your kind character. Just look at yourself. Of course I’m jealous too. Sometimes, especially when you’re touring, they see you more often than I, and I get to backtrack everything online, what you’re doing and saying, after them, after strangers. And the things they write… I don’t want to see, but I cannot close my eyes. At times, the pain gets so unbearable that I have to log off and trust that you eventually call me and tell me about everything.”

Jaehyun frowned and his former dark mien shifted into a frown. “I didn’t know all that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t know, because would that benefit me in any way? No. I trust you and only you. Everyone else doesn’t matter. I don’t have any influence, so I try to distance myself from it. So, I’m sorry if you ever feel like I don’t find you attractive enough, because I don’t show it in that kind of way. It’s just… I will always get painfully reminded that so many other people feel that way too. And every single one of them would take you away from me in an instant if they ever get the opportunity.”

"Nobody will.”

“I know.”

Something inside Jaehyun cracked when he saw you being so honest and also so confident about it. So, you were feeling the same about the other, you just had different ways to express and cope with it.

Jaehyun took your hand into his and kissed your palm. “I’m sorry for being so insecure sometimes and not having more faith. We love each other, we want to be with each other, I shouldn’t make you feel down with my problem. I should be more like you. It’s the healthier way. Please show me how.”

“Baby steps,” you told him and took his hand into yours. “But first, let me prove to you how attractive I find you.”

“Maybe it will take you more than one time to convince me.”

“That’s fine.”

#jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun x you #jaehyun x reader #nct #nct 127 #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct x reader #nct x you #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #jaehyun fluff

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skyj80 · 14 days ago

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Random BTR TV headcanons I have

Logan had freckles when he was younger and they faded in middle school. the rest of the boys mourn them more than he himself does lol

when Jame's hair was like...shaved off??? cut off??? (mentioned in s2 ep2) it was not "haha funny". James was genuinely so distraught and his mother was pissed. it took a lot of encouragement from the boys for James to go to school again.

as they got more popular, the boys began reading fanfiction people wrote of them. sometimes they got genuinely invested. other times they were left horrified.

Carlos started painting his nails as he got older. he liked to play around with the colors. it's a look. trust.

Kendall is really good at doing long hair because he helped Katie get ready in the morning when they were younger.

Gustavo and Kelly have slumbies. not often cause Gustavo can be a lot, but when they do it's a blast.

Kendall called Gustavo dad once. once. they don't talk about it and Kendall doesn't know why he did it. he doesn't even see Gutavo as a father figure. it was so random.

I'll die on this hill: JETT HAS GAY PARENTS. idc if its two dads or two moms, but he has gay parents and he'd fucking die for them. and they'd die for him.

platonic cuddles. the boys have always done it. anyone who walks into apartment 2J can find the four of them on that stupidass ugly neon orange couch in a cuddle pile. it's as natural to them as breathing and it's the sweetest thing.

Jo is a transgirl. she was pretty nervous to tell Kendall but Kendall was like "idgaf and it's been like 3 whole minuets since you kissed me so pls kiss me rn"

when Carlos gets really mad (which he doesn't often) he switches to spanish so nobody knows the heinous shit he's saying LMAO

Katie used to draw the boys things cause she has an "art phase." they kept all them and she cringes at the mention. they cherish them.

James dabbles in makeup and he's really good. he forces the boys to let him practice on them.

all those boys are neurodivergent. Logan: autistic - Carlos: AuDHD - Kendall: ADHD - James: Dyscalculia

before she had a crush on Kendall or James, Lucy had a thing for Camille

I have more but I feel like I made this too long already lmao

#big time rush #btr #btrtv #james diamond #carlos garcia #logan mitchell #kendall knight #lucy stone #jo taylor #camille roberts #katie knight #headcanon #big time rush headcanons #I still don't know if im using Tumblr right #lgbt #gay #Big time rush? more like bi time rush #skyj80yaps

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shyravenns · 2 months ago

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What do you think would be some bad qualities of Nikolai, personality wise? Or his weaknesses? What makes him tick, what would he wish to change or doesn't realize he's doing it? The man is intelligent and very kind, yes, but nobody's perfect. I would like to hear your opinion on him!

ohhh this is such a fun ask

Generally, NIk has mellowed out as he's gotten older. He's had his wild (and rather violent) days, and seen where it's brought men unluckier than him.

I like to think that Nik's anger can be rather,,,explosive. He's good at compartmentalizing, and he's even better at looking the other way when it comes to more,,,unsavoury aspects of his work. while I think he's mostly worked on (ignoring) his anger issues, I DO think he's the type to hold a grudge like a mf. And when Nik is mad it is scary and it can take a lot to get him to the point where he wants to genuinely lash out. I like to think that Price has probably seen him violently angry once or twice throughout their relationship, and even one time was enough for him.

He can be lowkey controlling, and condescending mainly because he's smart and what sucks is that he knows he's smart. He's the type to give you that slow, sly smile because he's laughing at a joke that you will never be privy too. Even if he's not doing it to be mean, there's always something he's noticed about someone that tickles him lmao

I also tend to see him as having issues with being as empathetic as he feels like he should be. He cares but also not really unless you're in the small group of people he'd die for. he's good at reading emotions, but he'll struggle to relate to them.

I also have a hc that Nik was raised,,,,pretty religious as a kid and it sorta followed him as an adult. I think he still feels plenty of guilt over his lifestyle, and the acts he's committed against other people and the idea of him traumatizing some poor priest in a confessional is something that amuses me. @magicalweirdism and I have gone over it so much, and if you want a more coherent hc about it then pls check them out. This isn't a bad quality of his, but I do think it leads to him having some pretty toxic ideas about masculinity and his own sense of self that he never really gets rid of esp with the kind of environment I believe he was raised in.

Without making this even longer, I DO think that Nik struggles with depression and past drug abuse. Something about being a teenager witnessing the atrocities of war will that to you

Overall, I think NIk is pretty content with who he is. He's not ashamed of his strength and he will never feel guilty for doing what he's had to do to survive. He's had over 40+ years of figuring his shit out

#granted I think nik is 10x more reasonable than price is and that's saying something #the rest of chimera loves their boss but they also know not to piss him off #and nik is much more approachable and friendly than kate or price imo #but he's not....good #he's kind (to a fault) but he's aware of his own faults and owns them #nk is also a bit of a bully LMAOO #he's a funny one too which makes it worse #nikolai cod #sorry for going on a tangent #i got lost in the nik sauce #drug abuse mention

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alaskan-wallflower · 8 months ago

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Good morning friend I hope you’re having a good day so far! If you have any may I pls request either some Sodapop hcs or Curtis brother hurt/comfort hcs? It’s that kind of day for me 😔 I hope you have a wonderful day ❤️🎞️

aw, thanks!! I’d be more than happy to! 💛

Sodapop headcanons:

He’s absolutely terrified of bugs. He punched a hole in the wall because he saw a spider (Darry was livid)

He is not a picky eater at all. He will eat food that’s been dropped on the floor. He doesn’t give a shit.

Him and Steve steal snacks from the gas station all the time and just go into the back closet and gorge themselves

Soda is either a laughably awful singer or he has a beautiful voice. No in betweens

He walks around his house shirtless constantly like he’s gods giving gift (he kinda is but Pony and Darry get tired of it)

If you think he’s a bad cuddler when he’s awake just wait until he’s asleep. You’re not getting out of his grasp once he’s asleep. Don’t even try. You’re stuck in bed for the night.

He gets hella bloated after eating and he’s mortified by it

He’s loved the song Rockin’ Robin. I dunno why.

He loves listening to music because it helps him focus on smaller things but then he gets distracted

He hates that his eyes are brown and constantly wishes they were blue

He has ADHD

He never touches a drop of alcohol not because he’s scared or anything but because he despises the way it burns his throat

He’s undefeated in burping competitions aside from Johnny (he can be kinda gross ngl)

Sometimes in the midst of a crisis he’ll just drop an absolute pearl of wisdom and then wonders why everyone stares at him like he has two heads

He believes in ghosts and swears he saw his parents’ ghosts once

He’s a lot more affected by the death of his parents than he lets on

He has the fluffiest hair ever when it isn’t greased back. Him and Pony. Darry has courser hair

He’s a whiny bitch when he’s hungry and doesn’t shut up about how full he is when he’s eaten

He unironically says the corniest shit like “uh oh spaghettios’ and “i need to catch some z’s” and shit like that

He enjoys when Pony reads to him even though he doesn’t pay much attention which frustrates Pony a bit lmao

He prefers to cuddle with Pony over Darry because he says Darry’s chest is “too hard and muscular to be comfortable” which insulted both Pony and Darry to an extent

He is the best pillow in the world. He has the softest tummy you could ever imagine (also the loudest though unfortunately)

His insults are actually really creative and nobody expects it from him

He will put eat a steakhouse in a matter of minutes if you set him down and told him to go crazy

We all know he has a skincare routine (or he would if they could afford that shit)

Sometimes he feels like he’s the glue of the three brothers and if he takes a wrong step they’re all gonna fall apart

He gets a golden retriever when he’s moved out and definitely names it Pepsi-Cola or something

Hurt/Comfort:

You can absolutely tell when Pony is upset. He does NOT have a poker face lmao

He prefers to be reassured by his brothers over anything else because it’s easier for him to gauge that they actually mean what they say

Boy is a stress eater-one time Darey came home and Pony had eaten an entire cake by himself and was absolutely miserable

He usually tends to gorge himself in meals but when he’s anxious it’s hella different

All three Curtis brothers are stress eaters ngl but Soda is by far the worst

Pony doesnt sleep when he’s anxious. He just sits there awake with his thoughts

He has VIOLENT panic attacks-if you try to touch him and you aren’t a member of the gang have fun with that broken nose of yours

He doesn’t mean it but he will scream at you to not touch him if you go to

Pony is a pretty crier but his panic attacks tend to get ugly

He tends to hit himself when he gets anxious too :( Darry has had to restrain him on more than one occasion because he was seriously scared Pony would hurt himself

The aftermath is a bunch of sniffles and hiccups. He doesn’t talk much before or after a panic attack and it takes effort to get him to open up bai ut what’s wrong

Absolutely will not cry in public. No matter of it’s late at night and he’s alone or not. He’s too scared someone will come by and he wants to look tuff

Darry will hold him while Soda massages his belly to ease his anxious tummy (or to help him digest the morbid amount of food he eats when stressed) and they’ll either address what’s wrong or they’ll distract Pony by talking about something they know he likes

Soda is the same way tbh but it’s because he thinks he shouldn’t be allowed to cry

You can always tell when Soda is upset because he doesn’t eat (canon in the book) and he’s also and normally quiet

He locks himself in his room when he’s upset because he doesn’t wanna burden Darry and he thinks because Pony os his little brother he isn’t allowed to be comforted by him

He had many breakdowns over Sandy and lashed out a lot after because he really loved her and he was furious with her and himself

He kind of shuts down and will just stare ahead at nothing when he’s upset and it’s more unsettling because he’s not moving. He’s not playing with his fingers or bouncing his leg. He just looks completely out of it as he sits still

He gets headaches a lot when he’s anxious and will usually turn in early and that’s even more unusual since he’s a night owl and usually restless at night

But all it takes is a hug and he breaks down completely

Darry came home from work once and literally just hugged Soda as a greeting and Soda started bawling into his chest

He mumbles a lot when he cries too, it’s kinda sad

It doesn’t take long to calm him down-a cuddle session from his brothers is all he needs before he’s satisfied again

As soon as he’s done crying he’s just like “can we have dinner now”

Darry is really stoic when he’s upset

You can always tell because his eyes get a lot colder and harder when something is bothering him

He always denies anything being wrong because he’s supposed to be strong and stable but Pony and Soda constantly asking him gets him to explode

Hes just like “YOU WANNA KNOW WHATS WRONG?!” and then goes into a rant about everything that happened

Pony and Soda just learned to listen because Darry doesn’t exactly want reassurance all the time, he just wants to vent

He paces a lot when he’s ranting too and uses his hands an awful lot to talk

If something is REALLY bad they can kinda tell he may need a good cry because his voice constantly cracks and he swallows a lot more and small thing like that

Pony and Soda work with him post book to just have a good cry every once in a while because it doesn’t mean he’s any less than, it just means he needs to let it out sometimes

Soda always gives him back rubs after because the tension from the anxiety gets to him. Pony just talks to him because Pony has a way with words

All three of them enjoy cuddling though and when one is upset, the other two are absolutely making a cuddle puddle where the anxious one is in the middle and the other two just hold onto the person in the middle

WOOF-that was longer than I meant haha/I hope these are good!

#ponyboy curtis #sodapop curtis #darry curtis #the outsiders

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ddejay18 · 9 months ago

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Batfam Reality TV show

Ugh FINE I'll tell you about my Batfam Reality TV show HC's okay? jeez... (nobody asked).

Before i yap, this idea has been swearving around in my brain like a wagon tied to a angry rhino for a while now. I can't remeber if i was inspired by other posts so if im accidentally stealing someones idea or someone has similar posts pls lmk so i can I'll tag them :). Also reminder that these are Head Cannons, if you don't agree then thats okay. These are just the senarios I play in MY head. (pls ignore all spelling mistakes, im lazy)

Okay, I feel like a reality TV show centred around the batfam would be so funny. Like, a bunch of self aware traumatized orphans hanging around in a mansion. The Kardashians but actually likeable, humble (well, it depends) and absoloute chaos, and not the "omg youre so chaotic lmao" but instead "Ah shit, someone is trying to break in to confess their love to Brucie again, someone call the cops" kind of chaos.

Bruce Wayne is the prince of Gotham. He has built Gotham from the ground up and he is loved by the majority of Gotham residents and even villains. In this cenario, Bruce's billionare playboy days are behind him, and works more like a tired dad who is just trying his best (good parent Bruce Wayne basically). He really has no idea how or when most of these people became a part of the family but is just happy they're there. Mabey Selena Kyle /or Clark Kent could be a side character and there could be a B-plot where Bruce is panicing about proposing or something. Is chronically reading the newspaper. Bruce is also the type of parent to really try to BOND with his family. Puzzles, games, trips, picknics, lgbtq+ merch ect.

Dick Grayson lives, and even has a key to the city of Bludhaven but still visits home regularly. There is an on-going gag where Dick always talks about longing for a relationship but when sees his ex'es while out and about and turns 180° and hides. (its my HC i can do what I want. Dick is a terrible long-time boyfriend, okay).

There is also a scene where Dick makes fun of Tim for being emo (he was just on his phone) and the rest of the Batfam in their one-on-one interviews show pictures and share horror stories from Dick's 'Hot topic, MCR, stealing dads car, eyeliner, youre not my real dad, ugh' phase from his teenage years and a screen shot of Bruce Wayne holding up a picture of Dick with a joint hanging out of his mouth becomes a meme format. Another clip that went viral is a home video where Alfred is scolding Dick for staying out late and he goes "UGH" and backflips out of the room. It cuts right back to Dick where he is smiling and hugging Damian being all ":D".

Jason Todd is thought to have been dead by the people of Gotham for years but as the season progresses, can be seen more and more often in the backround like walking into rooms while people are giving their one-on-one interviews and slowly backing out, or him just walking past a room, or as soon as the camera crew enters a room Jason makes eyecontact with the viewer and just turns around and leaves. There was an intstance that sparked a lot of controvercy online where Roy Harper came to the mansion looking for Jay and the batfam just stared at him, looked to the camera crew and then looked back at him. He swiftly left after rambiling about his terrible grief. (nobody bought it)

They all grew lazy nearing the end of the season and Jason just sits at the dinner table with everyone there, the camera never focuses on him and nobody mentions that he IS actually alive and is sitting RIGHT THERE. Jason just covers his face with his free hand while he eats and can just be seen in the backround while people talk. Jason says something and the camera turned to Bruce, and the editors, very poorly, tried to make it seem like Bruce was the one talking when it was obviously Jason.

In season two of "THE WAYNES" Jason finally joins the cast and admits in a one-on-one interview that he is, in fact alive and that its not a big deal (they make up an excuse and say that he just didnt like papparazzi/had a brain injury or something so he faked his death). This is never mentioned again.

Duke Thomas lives in the manor and was adopted by Bruce (again, its my HC i can do what I want). Duke is the moral compass and seemingly the only one that actually does their own chores. He is constantly just staring out into the madness that is the rest of his family since he is one of the newer member of the family. He, along with Tim are the only ones that can cuss out Bruce without reprocussion. Damian gets kind of jealous of Duke becasue Alfred the cat seems to like Duke a lot, and Dami is afraid of Alfred the cat choosing Duke as his new favorite person. Duke is extremely aware of this and shoo's Alfred the cat away and pretends to not like cats when Damian is around (to soothe his soul a bit).

Tim Drake is also one of the few members of the family that actually lives at home. Tim is a skater kid and Ipad kid at the same time somehow. He is also the ONLY person in the manor (Alfred excluded) that Bruce doesn't scold (it would be weird, since Tim basically babysat Bruce after Jason died).

Tim and Bernard Dowd start dating during the filming of S1 so there are a lot of scenes of Tim freaking out because Bernard is coming over and of the others making fun of him for looking into every detail of their interactions and overthinking them (was that a romantic gesture or not??). Bernard finally makes an appearence where he gives a short one-on-one where he introduces himself. Bernard quickly rose in ranks in terms of the internets white boy of the month (the TikTok edits went hard).

Cassandra Wayne was also legally adopted by Bruce and is his little princess (she is highly dangerous). She changed her last name from Cain to Wayne, bc i feel like she sees the Waynes as her real family. She looks nice enough but once the audience gets to know her they become aware of her insane competitiveness and how she has everyone in the manor wrapped around her pinkie. She dominates in board/video games and is the only one that can convince Alfred to get take out. Cass also practices ballet and is selectively mute and uses ASL most of the time (i just like the idea of her being SELECTIVELY mute, okay).

She is dating Steph (ITS CANON IN MY EYES). Cass, Tim, Bruce, Alfred, Damian and Duke are the only actual residents of the Wayne manor, the others just come and go like its an open buffet.

There is a scene where Cass, Steph, Tim and Bernard all sit on the couch and tell the camera crew that, "well yes Steph and Tim used to date and didn't get along for a while but now we're all friends". "Steph is tecnically dating her ex's sister but its not that complicated, REALLY". "Well yeah, Bruce conciders Steph a part of the family but its not weird or anything guys I PROMISE". "Well yeah actually, both Tim and I realized we weren't straight during our relationship. Why?" Cass and Bernard also get along really well but Bernard doesnt know any sign language and has to rely on others to translate/ Cass has to write thing down for him (they talk MAD shit).

Stephanie Brown. Damn, how the fuck does she keep get in? Sometimes Steph just sneakes into the manor to watch TV or to raid the fridge, while texting her girlfriend, Cass about how much they miss each other when Cass is litterally just upstairs and they're both too lazy to move. Bruce offered her a key to the mansion but she just responded by saying "nah its more fun this way". Steph is constantly accused of being a gold digger within the home and she doesnt deny the claims but its obvious that she does genuinely hang around because they have all become a family to her (found family basically, ugh im such a sucker).

Damian Wayne is still young so there is not a lot of scenes going into his personal life like at school and stuff but he is still there a lot. Anytime Damian says something socially strange or offputting, the others just chuck it up to Damian being a little weird sometimes teehee, or just tell people to not mind him because he is kind of new around there. Meanwhile, Damian speaks in a very professional and sophisticaded way which creates conspiricy theories among viewers about his upbringing, ESPECIALLY because Damian said something in passing about being raised in a secret mountain society.

The camera crew caught a glimpse of Damian in the yard casually accomplishing amazing feats with a giant sword and then immidietly stopping dead in his tracks when he noticed a wild rabbit in the garden. Keen viewers also noticed this strange phenomenon where Damian somehow wins every argument EXCEPT for when its with Alfred.

(I both love and hate the idea of Damian being a spawn of satan in everyones eyes. It can be funny sometimes but in my universe, Damian gets along well with everyone. Sure Damian is crude and weird but he's a kid, and i want him to have a supportive family that understands why he does and says the things he does. I basically just want Damian unapologetically being a kid.)

Alfred Pennyworth is an interesting person for newer fans of the Wayne family, since he is practically unknows to the public. Alfred introduces himself as the only butler in the Wayne manor and a long time friend of the Wayne family. Viewers quickly realize that Alfred is really the man of the house and it becomes previlant when he goes on a short weekend trip (with a secret girlfriend perhaps, Maggie Page perhaps) and everything falls apart. Bruce doesnt know where he is supposed to be at any given time, a hirearchy is established (Cass is a very unfair leader) and the only person making sure the others are fed is that mysterious figure in the backround (Jason).

Alfred makes it sound like he is only the butler but the rest of the batfam all talk to/about him as the essential part of the family that he is and how he is everyones badass, british, grand papa, dad, butler- babysitter-cook, friend thing.

Barbra Gordon is another unofficial member of the Wayne family. She is always over for game and movie nights and just in general. Barbra and Dick used to date but are on really good terms (suprisingly). Barbra is especially close with Jason, Cass and Dick, and is kind of a mentor/cool older sister figure to the others. Sometimes Jim Gordon visits as well, since he and Bruce are fellas.

In the opening scene of the first episode, the batfam are asked to make a family tree or list of sorts since there are so many of them and Barbra was the only person who remebered that Jason was supposed to be dead (nobody bought it).

This will do FOR NOW. I wasn't be able to fit everything here so ill prolly make a pt.2, where i tell yall abt some silly situations that would take place in a Wayne reality TV show. This is more like an introduction into the convoluted storyline that has been building up in my head (what else am i supposed to do at work?).

I also want to state that Leslie Thompkins is also concidered a family member to me since she is like a surrigate mother figure to Bruce but she won't be hanging around the manor as much as the others.

Ik i skipped a lot of characters that are concidered to be in the batfamily but even I dont know who IS concidered to be in the BatFam atp or I skipped characters that i just dont like/think about as much bc im shallow like that lol.

ALSO ALSO im not a huge BatCat or SuperBat shipper but i just felt like them being in the family dynamic would be interesting. Timid ol' Clark or the HBIC Selena Kyle. I also didnt include friends and stuff that would prob be at the manor all the time too like Roy, Wally, Jon, JLA, TT, YJ ect. blah-blah-blah you get it, I'll stop yapping now.

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