#please write it the world needs it

[bloodorangebetch]

Picture this: a fix it fic during christmastime where everyone knows about the confession and the two are both on edge around each other because of it so they use the holiday togetherness to parent trap them. What eventually breaks them is at the christmas eve party where they are left to dance together, they end up slow dancing to 'you make me feel so young'. It starts off half awkward and half sheepish but then they look into each others eyes and relive every moment, from barn to now and realize how dumb they were. Just how hopelessly in love they are and have been. okay bye

[lauravian]

“Don’t let it get to that big head of yours, Merlin.

I just… thought you were dead.”

[mister-nibbs]

i actually need to make a video on the Chonny Jash Phenomenon.

like. this is a music fandom that is built and treated like a video game fandom with the amount of aus and fan characters based on albums/singles being shipped with each other equivalent to sans "mom fucker" undertale and dave strider to the extent that it is the norm here (compared to other music fandoms, while stuff like this is seen in fandoms for the beatles, tally hall, will wood, etc. it's not as prevalent as it is here) that revolves around this one gnc aussie dude who's musical genre can only be defined as electric gay cabaret fabloo that posts banger after fucking banger not missing a single time while looking like a stoned 20 year old himbo who's name is trevor and works the subway next to the rundown gas station but is also surprisingly weirdly attractive while also being the chillest nicest guy ever who's doing nothing but fucking broozer posting on tumblr and is making a majora's mask fan album and can beat probably everyone on this earth at mario kart and some people hate this guy because he made seemingly "edgy" tally hall covers that fuck so hard actually also everyone here is decent and nice and really talented and also this guy can just pop on your doorstep on twitter and reblog some fanart of yours out of the blue even if you're a small artist which is terrifying slash positive also his name is chonny motherfucking jash which, fun fact, he's never listened to johnny cash before, he came up with that name while drunk What The Actual Fuck

[taradactyls]

So I could be totally wrong but, I believe it was sort of expected that men/gentlemen lose their virginity before marriage in regency times. But I also there’s some fandom ‘debate’ about whether or not Mr Darcy would’ve had sex before getting married. So I was just curious about what your canon for Mr Darcy in T3W is. Is he a virgin or not?

I knew someone would ask me this eventually, haha. I've actually had really long conversations with my beta reader about this trying to figure it out. It sounds like this might all be stuff that you’ve already seen discussed in the fandom, but I’ve never thought about it deeply before and so these are new thoughts to me.

I keep going over the historical real-world likelihood, the authorial intent, and the text itself but I’m still not 100%. I’ll explain my thinking and what I find most likely, but here’s your warning that it’s not a clear cut yes/no.

Because on one hand, at that time period it was most common for men in his position to have seen sex workers or have casual encounters/mistresses with women from their estates. Though I do absolutely believe not all men did that, no matter how much wealth and power they had. To go back some centuries, William the Conqueror seemed to be famously celibate (no hints of male lovers either according to the biography I read) until his marriage, and there's no evidence of affairs after it either. The best guesses as to why are that it was due to his religious devotion and the problems that had arisen from himself being a bastard and not wanting to recreate that situation. Concerns over religion and illegitimate children would certainly still have been applicable in the regency to men who thought that way. And in modern times I've seen sex workers say that when an 18/21yo is booked in by his family/friends to 'become a man' often they end up just talking and agree to lie about the encounter. After all, it’s not like every man wants casual sex, even if they aren’t demisexual or something in that vein. But, statistically speaking, the precedent of regency gentlemen would make Darcy not a virgin.

On the other hand, just how aware was Jane Austen, the very religious daughter of a country rector, of the commonness of this? There’s a huge difference between knowing affairs and sex workers existed (and no one who had seen a Georgian newspaper could be blind to this) and realising that the majority of wealthy men saw sex workers at some point even if they condemned the more public and profligate affairs. The literature for young ladies at the time paints extramarital sex - including the lust of men outside of marriage - as pretty universally bad and dangerous. This message is seen from 'Pamela' and other gothic fiction to non-fiction conduct books which Jane Austen would have encountered. Here's something I found in 'Letters to a Young Lady' by the reverend John Bennett which I found particularly interesting as it's in direct conversation with other opinions of the era:

"A reformed rake makes the best husband." Does he? It would be very extraordinary, if he should. Besides, are you very certain, that you have power to reform him? It is a matter, that requires some deliberation. This reformation, if it is to be accomplished, must take place before marriage. Then if ever, is the period of your power. But how will you be assured that he is reformed? If he appears so, is he not insidiously concealing his vices, to gain your affections? And when he knows, they are secured, may he not, gradually, throw off the mask, and be dissipated, as before? Profligacy of this kind is seldom eradicated. It resembles some cutaneous disorders, which appear to be healed, and yet are, continually, making themselves visible by fresh eruptions. A man, who has carried on a criminal intercourse with immoral women is not to be trusted, His opinion of all females is an insult to their delicacy. His attachment is to sex alone, under particular modifications.

The definition of a rake is more than a man who has seen a sex worker once, it's about appearance and general conduct too, but again, would that distinction be made to young ladies? Because they seem to simply be continuously taught 'lust when unmarried is bad and beware men who you know engage in extramarital sex.' As a side note, Jane Austen certainly knew at least something about the mechanics of sex: her letters and literature she read alludes to it, and she grew up around farm animals in the countryside which is an education in itself.

We can also see from this exert that the school of thought seems to be 'reformed rake' vs 'never a rake' in contention for the title of best husband, there's no debate over whether a current rake is unsuitable for a young lady. And, from Willoughby to Wickham to Crawford, I think we have a very clear idea of Jane Austen's ideas of how likely it is notably promiscuous men can reform. This does not preclude the possibility that her disparaging commentary around their lust is based more on over-indulgence or the class of women they seduce, but it's undoubtedly a condemnation of such men directly in line with the first part of what John Bennett says so it's no stretch to believe she saw merit in the follow-on conclusions of the second part as well. Whether she would view it with enough merit to consider celibacy the only respectable option for unmarried men is a bit unclearer.

I did consider that perhaps Jane Austen consciously treated this as a grey area where she couldn’t possibly know what young men did (the same reasoning is why we never see the men in the dining room after the ladies retire, etc) and so didn't hold an opinion on men's extramarital encounters with sex workers/lower-class women at all, but I think there actually are enough hints in her works that this isn’t the case. Though, unsurprisingly, given the delicacy of the subject, there’s no direct mention of sex workers or gentlemen having casual lovers from among the lower-classes in her texts.

That also prevents us from definitively knowing whether she thought extramarital sex was so common, and as unremarkable, as most gentlemen treated it. But we do see from her commentary around the consequences of Maria Bertram and Henry Crawford's elopement that she had criticism of the double standards men and women were held to when violating sexual virtue. Another indication that she perhaps expected good men to be capable of waiting until marriage in the way that she very clearly believed women should. At the very least, a man who often indulges in extramarital sex does not seem to be one who would be considered highly by Jane Austen.

She makes a point of saying, in regards to not liking his wife, that Mr Bennet “was not of a disposition to seek comfort for the disappointment which his own imprudence had brought on, in any of those pleasures which too often console the unfortunate for their folly or their vice.” This must include affairs, though cheating on a wife cannot be a 1:1 equivalent of single young men sleeping around before marriage. However, the latter is generally critically accepted to be one of the flaws that Darcy lays at Wickham’s door along with gambling when talking about their youth and his “vicious propensities" and "want of principle." Though this could be argued that it’s more the extent or publicity of it (but remembering that it couldn't be anything uncommon enough that it couldn't be hidden from Darcy Sr. or explained away) rather than the act itself, or maybe seductions instead of paying women offering those services. I also believe Persuasion mentioning Sunday travelling as proof of thoughtless/immoral activity supports the idea that Jane Austen might have been religious enough that she would never create a hero who had extramarital sex.

So, taken all together this would make Darcy potentially a virgin, or, since I couldn't find absolute evidence of her opinions, leave enough room that he isn’t but extramarital sex isn’t a regular (or perhaps recent) thing and he would never have had anything so established as a mistress.

I’ve also been wondering, if Darcy isn’t a virgin, who would he have slept with? I’ve been musing on arguments for and against each option for weeks at this point. No romantasy has ever made me think about a fictional man's sexual habits so much as the question of Darcy's sexual history. What is my life.

Sex workers are an obvious answer, and the visits wouldn’t have raised any eyebrows. Discretion was part of their job, it was a clean transaction with no further responsibilities towards them, and effective (and reusable, ew) condoms existed at this time so there was little risk of children and no ability to exactly determine the paternity even if there was an accident. It was a fairly ‘responsible’ choice if one wanted no strings attached. In opposition to this, syphilis was rampant at the time, and had been known to spread sexually for centuries. Sex workers were at greater risk of it than anyone else and so the more sensible and risk-averse someone is (and I think Mr Darcy would be careful) the less likely they would be to visit sex workers. Contracting something that was known as potentially deadly and capable of making a future wife infertile if it spread to her could make any intelligent and cautious man think twice.

Servants and tenants of the estate are another simple and common answer. Less risk of stds, it can be based on actual attraction more than money (though money might still change hands), and is a bit more intimate. But Wickham’s called wicked for something very similar, when he dallies (whether he only got to serious flirting, kissing, or sleeping with them I don’t think we can conclusively say) with the common women of Meryton: “his intrigues, all honoured with the title of seduction, had been extended into every tradesman's family.” And it isn't as though Wickham had any personal duty towards those people beyond the claims of basic dignity. Darcy, who is shown to have such respect and understanding for his responsibilities towards the people of his estate and duties of a landlord, would keenly feel if any of his actions were leading his servants/tenants astray and down immoral paths. Servants, especially, were considered directly under the protection of the family whose house they worked in. I think it's undoubtable that Mrs Reynolds (whose was responsible for the wellbeing - both physically and spiritually - of the female servants) would not think so well of Mr Darcy if he had experimented with maids in his youth. It would reflect badly on her if a family entrusted their daughter to her care and she 'lost her virtue' under her watch. Daughters/widows of others living on the estate not under the roof of Pemberley House are a little more likely, but still, if he did have an affair with any of them I can only think it possible when he was much younger and did not feel his duties quite so strongly. Of course lots of real men didn't care about any of this, but Darcy is so far from being depicted as careless about his duties that the narrative makes a point of how exceptional his quality of care was. Frankly, it's undeniable that none of Jane Austen's heroes were flippant about their responsibilities towards those under their protection. I cannot serious entertain an interpretation that makes Darcy not, at his current age, at least, cognizant of the contemporary problems inherent in sleeping with servants or others on his estate.

A servant in a friend’s house would remove some of that personal responsibility, but transfer it to instead be leading his friend’s servants astray and in a manner which he is less able to know about if a child did result. That latter remains a problem even if we move the setting to his college, so not particularly likely for his character as we know it… though it wouldn’t be unusual for someone to be more unthinking and reckless in their teenage years than they are at twenty-eight so I don’t think having sex then can be ruled out. Kissing I can much more easily believe, especially when at Oxford or Cambridge, but every scenario of sleeping with a lower-class woman has some compelling arguments against it especially the closer we get to the time of the novel.

Men did of course also have affairs with women of ranks similar to their own, though given Jane Austen’s well-known feelings towards men who ‘ruined’ the virtue of young ladies we can safely say that Darcy never slept with an unwed middle- or upper-class woman. Any decent man would have married them out of duty if it got so far; but if he was the sort to let it get so far, I think it impossible Jane Austen would consider him respectable. Widows are a possibility, but again, the respectable thing to do would be to marry them. Perhaps a poorer merchant’s widow would be low enough that marriage is off the table but high enough that the ‘leading astray’ aspect loses its master-servant responsibilities (though the male-female ‘protect the gentler sex’ aspect remains) but his social circle didn’t facilitate meeting many ladies like that. Plus, an affair with a woman in society would remove many layers of privacy and anonymity that sex-workers and lower-class lovers provided by simply being unremarkable to the world at large. It carries a far greater risk of scandal and a heavier sense of immorality in the terms of respecting a woman’s purity which classism prevented from applying so heavily to lower-class women.

I think it’s important to note here that something that removes the need to think about duties of landlords towards the lower-classes or gentlemen towards gentlewomen is having affairs with other men of a similar rank. But, aside from the risk of scandal and what could be called the irresponsibility of engaging in illegal acts, it’s almost certain that Jane Austen would never have supported this. For a devout author in this era the way I’m calculating likelihoods makes it not even a possibility. But if you want to write a different fanfiction (and perhaps something like a break-up could explain why Darcy doesn’t seem to have any closer friend than someone whom he must have only met two or so years ago despite being in society for years before that) it does have that advantage over affairs with women of equal- and lower-classes. I support alternate interpretations entirely – it just isn’t how I’m deciding things in this instance.

I keep coming back to the conclusion that, at the very least, Darcy hasn’t had sex recently and it was never a common occurrence. It wouldn’t surprise me if Jane Austen felt he hadn’t done it ever. Kissing, as we can see from all the parlour games at the time, wasn’t viewed as harshly, so I think he’s likely made out with someone before. But in almost every situation it does seem that the responsible and religious thing to do (which Jane Austen values so highly) is for it to never have progressed to sex. I also don’t think it conflicts with his canon characterisation to say that he wouldn’t regard sexual experience as a crucial element of his life thus far, and his personality isn’t driven to pursue pleasure for himself, so it’s entirely possible that he would never go out of his way to seek it. So, I’m inclined to think that the authorial and textual evidence is in favour of Darcy being a virgin even if the real-world contemporary standard is the opposite. (Though both leave enough room for exceptions that I’m not going to argue with anyone who feels differently; and even if you agree with all my points, you might simply weight authorial intent/textual evidence/contemporary likelihoods differently than I do and come to a different conclusion).

Remember that even if Darcy is a virgin this wouldn’t necessarily equate to lack of knowledge, only experience. There were plenty of books and artwork focused on sex, and Darcy, studious man that he is, would no doubt pay attention to what knowledge his friends/male relatives shared. Though some of it (Looking especially at you, 'Fanny Hill, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure') should NEVER be an example of appropriate practice for taking a woman's virginity. Darcy would almost certainly have been taught directly or learnt through exposure to other men talking to make sex good for a woman – it was a commonly held misconception (since Elizabethan England, I believe) that women had to orgasm to conceive. It would be in his interests as an empathetic husband, and head of a family, to know how to please his wife.

Basically, I’m convinced Darcy isn’t very experienced, if at all, and will be learning with Elizabeth. But he does have a lot of theoretical knowledge which he’s paid careful attention to and is eager to apply.

[imfinereallyy]

some of us, and I’m not naming names, need to start being properly tagged on fics.

Angst: Is it me?

No.

Unhappy Ending: Is it me?

……it’s not Angst.

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

if Crozier had a nickel for every time someone close to him kept a mortal wound secret from him he'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's definitely enough to give him some very specific trauma for the rest of his life

[muchmossymess]

everyone stop what you are doing and go watch this masterpiece by @tubbytarchia

[theverumproject]

Guys, how do you format on AO3? Any tips?

I use Google docs and got the whole work formatted in there, but it doesn't translate very well into rich text, since it seems to get confused about bold text that isn't supposed to be there.

This is the second time I upload a book on AO3 and I don't remember having this problem back then.

As a last resort I will have to go through the entirety of 60k words again, just to look for every. single. fucking. word in italics, mark them and then reformat everything on AO3 again, so it doesn't get confused anymore. And that would piss me the fuck off. I don't wanna look at this book no more...

So, how do you guys do it?

:_)

[cheesehambu]

I survived another russian missile attack(again again and again)

[karlachismylife]

I told you this thing needed to be longer. So I made it longer. Comrade @panchulien I know you're not too fond of x reader stuff, but you can imagine anyone there, really. Even though I personally don't believe Makarov could ever love Nolan like that. I also think it's not too reader-heavy, it's mostly just Nolan getting fucked by someone.

CW: NSFW (MDNI), bottom!sub!Nolan x top!dom!gn!reader, reader is described as having a cock (could be strap if you want), I'm so not normal about Nolan's jaw again, dog motif (duh), body worship of some kind, Nolan-centred, affectionate, gentle sex, mentions of emotional tears.

He's on his knees. That's a place for a dog at its owner's heel; Andrei finds dignity in kneeling with his spine straight, broad shoulders spread and arms firmly clasped behind his back, showing off the muscle definition under a thick layer of fat and discipline. There's a certain smugness about this - he takes pride in the inability of such a position to humiliate him. Nolan thinks of it as a test, a chance to prove himself as the right breed of men, those who write history on the inside of his skull.

Nolan doesn't know shit.

He's sitting there, chest out, ready for the divine judgement or a whip; and he flinches with his breath pathetically hitching when instead fingers brush over the pointy tip of his ear. It makes shivers run down his neck, a single fingertip traces the faintly cropped cartilage shell and leaves - Nolan's ear immediately feels cold, flushed, heated skin too full of pumping blood against the cool air. He tries preparing for the next touch, staring ahead of himself stubbornly and only noting the steps circling him with his hearing and periferal vision, but it's futile - a firm grip digs into the soft dips right under his bulldog jaw, squeezing him between thumb and forefinger with the rest of them brushing along the heavy jawline, Andrei clenches his teeth to stay in control and loses it with the first press of warm lips to the corner of his jaw.

It's a soft, dry peck, melting the tension in his neck muscles and allowing the hand holding him to tilt his head back, forcing another involuntary breath out and sliding the ceiling with its dancing shadows to the centre of Nolan's vision. He blinks, twice in a row accidentally, shadows of his long feathery lashes dripping down his strong cheekbones, and forces his eyes to stay in place, fighting the animalistic instinct to galnce at the face inching in towards him. Andrei doesn't react when the tip of a warm nose nuzzles into his square cheek, but leaning so close you can easily hear the unevenness of his breathing, feel the heat radiating off his bare skin, see the nostrils of many times broken nose flare and flutter.

Nolan smells good. His bold, cheap aftershave is subdued - Andrei shaved clean a few hours ago and let it air out; smooth, warm, moisturized skin has a fresh sheen to it. As your curious nose glides along the jawline, it picks up on Andrei's own masculine scent with a musky oiliness to it - when he doesn't flinch even after being nudged up his chin, wet, hot tongue drags back from his chin to his ear, tasting little bumps and scars his imperfect skin bears and teasing the soft, weak spot right behind his earlobe.

It's enough to make him finally break the silence and gasp - and you drink it in, pressing your nose into the shaven side of his head, clearly smelling of recently applied hair product mixed with the exertion sweat stuck in the roots of slicked back hair. Nolan groomed himself well for this evening, exposing his vain desire to be acknowledged and noted like a contest dog, polished hide and packed chest - and he loses ground under his feet when met with an inexplicable adoration for something beyond his strength and obedience.

His head spins, fingers digging into meaty forearms to keep them folded behind his back, when hot breath kisses along his ear and then pulls away - with lips parted and eyes unwillingly half-lidded, Andrei leans sideways towards the slipping warmth and with a gentle push of the hand still cupping his jaw gets tipped over like an unbalanced pendulum. When Nolan's heavy core hits the mattress, it dips under his weight, dark purple sheets bunching up like rays straying from his fallen form - a cotton halo surrounding an unsaint, lying in a pose of a fetus facing execution via fire squad.

When he fels a palm press into the back of his head and fingers tangle into his hair, messing up an already ruined polished style, he expects to be pushed face down into the mattress or have his neck cracked with force pulling it back; instead, there's a gentle tug teasing his scalp with just enough tension for it to be pleasant and keep him exactly in his place. Goosebumps rush down his neck and get caught with a soft kiss to his nape, with each following growing more insistent as Nolan lays there, cheek pressed against slightly rough textile grate and body flushed with the heat of another pressing up against his back. Andrei winces, baring his teeth at the sensation of a small hickey being left under the thin golden chain he kept around his neck, and inhales deeply, tensing up immediately when a hand slides under his arm to touch his chest. He tries to keep the muscle firm and fails as soon as you nuzzle him between his shoulder blades, deflating and resting soft flesh in the open offered palm.

Instead of squeezing harshly and fondling him like a piece of prime meat or a breeding stud, you trace the shape and knead his pec until his breath hitches again at a certain spot. His nipples are dark pink and firm, sensitivity dulled, but still there to be coaxed to the surface with a few careful twists. Andrei doesn't squirm, but the illussion of his stillness is easily shattered up close, with the rapid, shallow movements of his chest, his grip on his own arms slipping and relaxing and the muscles in his thighs twitching in a desperate attempt to relieve at least some tension in his groin. His cock has already made a mess on the sheets, thick head peeking from under paler foreskin and drooling onto the bed, and it twitches when you slide your hand down his stomach, pressing into the softness above his pelvis - and Nolan lets out another sharp exhale.

His voice shows only with the first languid drag of a cock in his ass. It's a growling, stretched out, low moan - Andrei moves his jaw, as if hoping to bite into the sheet and silence himself, and lets out another, much more whiny noise when you thrust again and brush a kiss against the corner of his lips, slightly wet from the foaming drool. Nolan's vocal in a hissy, growly way - his nose stays scrunched and his face is heated red, but his whole big, burly body accepts each thrust with eager softness, clenching around the slowly stretching him shaft.

He lets gentle hands fold his leg more, opening him up for a deeper push, and blinks too fast, hiding tiny, worthless to a jeweler diamonds of short-lived emotional tears. Another hand slips under his heavy head, creating a cool barrier between his overheating cheek and dark cotton of the sheets, and turns him enough for another short kiss before his breath gets broken into tiny gasps and pants with the quickening pace of the thrusts. Andrei clenches his teeth again, closing his eyes shut, and cums.

It ruins him, as if all the tension and stength go into shooting tight white ropes unwilling to seep into the dark fabric fast enough - his voice cuts through the ragged breath with a loud whine, his shoulders slump bonelessly and the ripples sliding through his body don't even have enough power in them to make him clench properly around the slowing down cock. Pressing deeply into him and hugging his thick form, you can feel the shudders coursing under his warm skin, making his fingers twitch as he finally pulls his arms from behind his back and paws at the sheet trying to anchor himself.

There's some fullness in him, different from the satisfyingly filling him dick; it's nesting in his lower belly, heavy and warm, replacing the sharp tightness of arousal and climax - it's disturbingly spiritual for him. Andrei stretches his legs tenatively. He wants to expect a harsh change of pace and mood - a slap for disobedience or a merciless pounding now that he showed his weakness - but this expectation doesn't come naturally to him anymore, as if something fundamental has just been shifted in his core.

Carefully, as if testing if he is allowed still, Nolan reaches back and instead of a slap or a mocking chuckle finds warm closeness of a body immediately leaning into a hug. Offering your neck for him to cling onto, you rest your chin on his shoulder and, as soon as Andrei turns his face, press a full kiss into his mouth.

Nolan doesn't know shit. But there is someone who knows him - and loves him enough to show him too.

[sutherlins]

♡ That's it baby... ♡ ↝ SydCarmy | Rated: E mdni | Complete | Word Count: 7k | [READ HERE]

Summary: Sometimes the world makes Carmy's head a little too loud, too chaotic. Sydney knows just what he needs to mute it all. Inspired by 'you're doing so well', Full cw/tropes list in the top notes on ao3 but the basics are: established relationship, D/s vibes, DomSyd, edging.

♡ Please go show katiethelie all the love on ao3 on the full art piece that inspired this fic - 'you're doing so well' - it's incredible! (and check out all her other amazing pieces while you are over there!)

♡ You should also check out and show some love to @ambeauty's 'my eyes behold you' which was also inspired by Katie's art, 'Just one bite'. Both of which I ADORE.

[koshercosplay]

BOOK REC TIME

I pre-ordered this book way back in March and well, it finally arrived and I read it over shabbos, and it was SUCH an enjoyable read!

seriously I do very much recommend this book. it reminded me somewhat of when the angels left the old country in terms of how much yiddish and jewish intra-community terminology was peppered into the plot, and funnily enough sacha lamb the author did in fact give it a blurb

this book has everything: jewish vampire women who shapeshift into owls and yiddish theater and syrian jewish history and an israeli lesbian possessed by a dybbuk! what more could you want honestly

jumblr please give this a read 🦉🌙🌃🦉

get the book here

[rainworldgobrrr]

School and artblock do be hitting hard. I'll try drawing more I guess. Anyway have at thee

[cupcakewebkinz]

How I untwisted my boyfriend!!

(Kai hates this one for some reason... Be weary of that)

𖤐 Sprout, wanting to feel better, goes back off to Gardenview to try to at least see Cosmo again. Will his love for the swissroll undo his fate or will he die trying to save the one he loves? (Spoiler alert they live) 𖤐

✰ Caretaker Shanon au is mine! Uh... If you count the spinoff of "Sam takes care of Sprout" shenanigans as part of the au- ✰

✯ @soupiestzilla I don't just undoom yuri, I undoom yaoi too now. ✯

❀•°•═════ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═════•°•❀

Sprout sipped his Feelings Milk as he sat in the alcove in Sam's living room, tail tucked around him and covering up his feet, hair down and hiding most of his face, and the bootleg plush of Cosmo was placed right on his lap. It was tucked between his stomach and legs, standing, and he had his chin resting on the top of it, deep in thought. Sam was nearby, reading a book in their recliner, silent. They both were silent. They both knew something was missing that they couldn't get.

"I'm hungry." Sprout suddenly stated, getting a soft hum from the human as they picked up their phone.

"Pizza should be here soon, I'm sorry it's taking so long. I woulda cooked if I didn't have to work overtime..." Sam said softly, then went back to reading.

"You know I could've made it myself, right? I used to cook for you all the time..." He pointed out, wincing when his stomach soon growled. Sam just nodded.

"You deserve to rest too hon, you used to overwork yourself so often you'd pass out in the kitchen. I don't want you to keep doing that, plus we have snacks in the pantry if you're really that hungry." Sam explained simply, getting a heavy sigh in response.

"Right... Right... Do you trust me?" He asked, and they nodded.

"If I didn't, you wouldn't be in my damn house." Sam pointed out, getting a laugh from Sprout as he adjusted himself a little bit.

"Right, then... Can I go and grab something I forgot at Gardenview tonight?" He asked, making Sam pause, then set their book down on the coffee table, leaning forward as they thought.

"Your bracelet... It's still there, isn't it?" They asked, and he just nodded, pulling his leaves back up in a ponytail.

"I know exactly where it is... I just-"

"Then go. After you eat dinner, you go and you get that, I know how much that means to you. I would've gone and gotten it myself if I were in your shoes... Just don't forget to lock my door when you come back inside, okay? Take a flashlight too, you'll need it." Sam said, getting a nod from Sprout as he slowly got up, putting the plush on his seat while he walked off.

"Pizza's here, I'll get the dishes." He called out, getting a quick "thanks" in reply as the human got up to get it. Sprout just shrugged as he did what he said he'd do, grabbing the paper plates they always used whenever Sam was too tired to cook and set them on the counter, then he opened the fridge and got the two drinks, setting those on the counter as well. He looked at that, then sighed, feeling weird having so little out. He just turned and opened the cabinet, grabbing a bag of chips and a bag of croutons before closing it again. He then went and grabbed two bowls, then got out some veggies to start making a salad from the fridge, though before he started anything, Sam walked in and raised an eyebrow at him as he held a head of lettuce awkwardly.

"Sprout."

"A salad doesn't hurt anyone-"

"The salad isn't the problem." Sam stated, then sighed as they took the lettuce away and put the pizza on the counter.

"Stop overworking yourself, take a break from cooking god dammit." They continued, putting the stuff for the salad he didn't make away so he wouldn't, so he just silently got the bowl of chips ready for them to have with dinner, which Sam just chuckled at.

"You really do make sure everyone leaves full though, don't you?" They asked softly, getting a nod in reply.

"Yeah... I don't like seeing people I like suffering, I worry about it a lot. Some say I'm overprotective, some just think I'm a good friend, I don't know. I just want everything to feel okay again..." He admitted, looking away from them when he said that, though he looked back when they patted his head gently.

"I get that completely, I really do. It will feel okay again eventually, I promise." Sam reassured softly, which made Sprout just smile a bit at them.

"Thank you... I needed to hear that right now." He stated, getting a quick "welcome, kid" in reply before they walked off to eat. Soon the two were back in their spots, eating in peaceful silence yet again, just enjoying the other's presence for the time being. After dinner, Sprout checked on his arm injury before he got everything ready for his trip back, doing his best to hide the fact that he wasn't going for his bracelet- he was going to see his boyfriend again, even if it meant he'd get severely injured in the process. Fortunately for him, Sam didn't seem to notice his alternative motives, so he went off on his walk without much stopping him, going right back to the still surprisingly unlocked employees entrance and going down the fire exit like he did to escape from there. He stopped at the door to the kitchen again, staring at the handle. His bracelet was still there, but now a note and Cosmo's was attached to the handle as well. He gently took the note and opened it up.

"Hey dude, Gi here, found the matching bracelet and returned it. If you see this, I'm still thrivin'! ;)"

Sprout blinked a few times at that, then looked around suspiciously. How the hell did that Gigi clone... Escape out here? He took the bracelets and just put them in his pocket, opening the kitchen door and just letting himself in afterwards. He was further shocked to find Gi there, leaning over a knocked out twisted. The light blue Gigi turned and looked at him, still in her yellow raincoat and boots, chair in hands. Sprout blinked again.

"What in the world-?"

"Heya Berry Bro, glad you're back. I'm guessing you were... Looking for your... Uhm..." The Gigi paused as they looked back at the twisted they'd knocked out, then at Sprout.

"Husband?"

"Boyfriend."

"Close 'nuff." Gi stated as they poked the twisted with the chair they still weild, then shrugged and tossed it across the room, laughing when it knocked the other one out cold. Poor Boxten... He's probably been chaired so many times by the suspiciously intelligent clone, Sprout couldn't help but wince at the thought of it. And wince again when he realized he could've been a victim too if they didn't ask if he wasn't a twisted first-

"Uh anyways did you ever find out why you're sentient?" Sprout asked awkwardly as he walked over to the twisted Gi was standing near. It was Cosmo... They'd knocked out Cosmo with a chair to the head too. What's up with that creature and knocking people out with chairs?

"Nah, did find out most of y'all were NOT straight though, pretty cool. Uh, sorry about your boyfriend, he snuck up on me."

"Don't worry about it, I have a medkit. Several actually... Need one?" Sprout offered, opening up his bag to give them one, but the gachapon shook their head as they walked off to do some machines and probably find some more things to knock out with a chair, so Sprout focused on the real reason he was there. He gently started cleaning up as much ichor as he could from Cosmo's face, being as gentle as possible as he worked, muttering to him that it would be okay. He didn't even notice that Gi had came back over, not until they gently put a bandage over the cut they left on his head. Sprout just mumbled a thanks, sitting fully on the floor, letting them sit with him.

"While I don't understand myself still... I think I understand you originals better... And I just want to say, I am so sorry for everything they did to you." They softly said, making Sprout shake his head as he grabbed Cosmo's right arm, cleaning it up the best he could while he could.

"It's not your fault, just keep thriving, that's all I ask." Sprout replied, getting a giggle from the clone.

"Will do Berry Bro!" They replied with a salute, which made Sprout giggle just a tiny bit. He couldn't lie, they were pretty charming for a clone of his dead friend, really chaotic and spontaneous. He wondered if they were still the only one, however he couldn't ask as the twisted started to stir. Gi stood up immediately, backing up a bit, though Sprout kept cleaning his arm. He didn't care, he just was happy to be touching Cosmo again, to be tending to him, even if the first thing he did when he woke up was try to bite him. He stopped him faster than he thought he could with a dirty rag to the mouth.

"Bad Cosmo, bad." He scolded, making Gi giggle while the twisted just... Laid back down. Defeated. Sprout giggled himself at that, then sighed, patching up a hidden cut on Cosmo's arm while the twisted was still down and willing to cooperate. What he wasn't expecting though, was for him to grab his arm gently. Sprout blushed hard when he felt the gentle grip on his arm, looking over at Cosmo's non-ichored hand before looking over at his face. His eyes... Were different in some way he couldn't put a finger on.

"Sprout..?" The twisted softly asked, tears forming in his eyes. Sprout smiled as his own eyes welled with tears, nodding.

"It's me, I promise. I'm here now..." He reassured, doing his best to keep himself in check for the other. Gi watched intensely, chair back in their hands, ready to smack anyone who dared to ruin the moment- which soon was twisted Boxten, as he had gotten up again, and soon was knocked out yet again by another chair to the face. Poor Boxten... Sprout didn't care, he was just focused on helping his boyfriend sit up, watching over him carefully as he coughed up a bit of ichor. Though afterwards, Cosmo just looked at Sprout, then reached up and flicked one of his leaves with a playful smile. Sprout just fake pouted and blew a raspberry at him, getting a few giggles out of the other.

"You look nice with long hair." Cosmo complimented quietly, leaning against Sprout soon afterwards for support, snuggling deep into his sweatshirt when the berry just pulled him close.

"That's such a weird way to say "hello, I missed you", Cosmo." Sprout teased as he sniffed back a sob, getting overly emotional as he cradled his partner like he would shatter if one person breathed on him wrong. Cosmo sighed, sniffling a little himself as he clung to his boyfriend's shirt.

"I love you." Cosmo murmured.

"I love you too, honey." Sprout softly replied as he slowly stood up with him in his arms, leaving the extra medkit on the floor as he turned and started carrying the drowsy and pretty confused swiss roll out of there. Gi followed silently, opening the door for them when they got there, and followed them out the employee exit to help out a little more.

"Thanks for helping me with the doors, Gi. I'll see you around, right?" Sprout asked after they had gone outside, though Gi shook their head.

"I love it here, I love the thrills of doing runs and doing machines, I ain't leavin chief. However if you come back and ever need me, just scream like you're dying, I'll be there. Or don't, we seem to just run into each other. Have a great new life you sweet little brownie man!" The Gigi clone said before waving their yellow coat-sleeve-covered hand excessively before turning and going right back into Gardenview. Cosmo just stared tiredly, then looked at Sprout.

"Why was Gigi light blue and yellow?"

"Dandy cloned everyone with different colors and outfits, that one though, that's the only one that actually talks and acts alive, the others act like NPCs from a video game. It's quite uncanny..." Sprout explained, completely unaware he was from a video game and breaking the fourth wall a little there. Cosmo just nodded, yawning.

"Where do we go now..?"

"My handler's house, you remember Sam right? They took me in, and Shanon- Shelly's handler- she took in Shelly and Vee, and we can see them tomorrow if you want."

"I'd love that as long as you're there, Sprout."

"Oh trust me, I'm not leaving you alone near Vee for even a second, I am not letting you become a walking disco ball right after I got you back." Sprout firmly stated, making Cosmo exhaustedly laugh.

"But what if I wanna be one?"

"Then I'll watch you be one... Wait what-?" Sprout asked, though when he looked back down at him, he was already fast asleep. So Sprout just sighed and smiled at him, carrying him all the way back home and letting himself back in. Sam was still in their chair, reading a different book, though they immediately looked at him in confusion and fear when he came in with Cosmo like that.

"Sprout do not tell me you committed a kidnapping-"

"He fell over halfway here and I carried him the rest of the way." Sprout lied casually, making Sam facepalm.

"I am never letting you go back there again..." They muttered, getting a simple shrug in reply.

"And I'm never going back because I got what I wanted, goodnight Sam." Sprout replied as he just walked off to his room, which made Sam chuckle as they shook their head.

"I still can never be actually mad at you two, so damn cute. How in the heavens did he... Do that though?" Sam asked to themselves, attempting to understand how in the world Cosmo was twisted one minute and totally fine the next, minus some scars.

It was the power of love... No seriously it was genuinely the fact that Sprout cared so much for him that reverted it. That's how it works in my au worlds anyways, feel free to argue about it lmao. Wait shit I broke the fourth wall again uhm... Ignore me please bye.

[not-kamenx]

Beyblade X Episode 45: You, Back Then

MYBTKEVWOW ENEVWNW WKWVWBWWHWVWW

haha. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha CHROME RYUGU I’M GOING TO PAY TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE FOR THIS EPISODE LET ME AT HIM LET ME AT HIM YOU CHROME RYUGU YOU

if you haven’t watched the episode already PLEASE WATCH IT even if I explain it or summarize it it won’t have the same effect or impact on you if you don’t watch it yourself because holy crap that was one hell of a time for 22 minutes and 40 seconds I’m

alright, so we start off with Takumi versus Blader Z, except Blader Z isn’t wearing the mask and we see his actual identity. And interestingly enough, Blader Z is using Cobalt Drake, the exact same bey Chrome uses. Then Blader Z loses, and we cut to the intro

I wanna talk about the intro and the title for this episode for a second.

If you‘ve not skipped the intro or if you’ve heard it, or even listened to the entire song way too many times (like me), you’ll notice the lyrics fit a lot of the characters in the series. The song title alone explains it. Prove. These Bladers are trying to prove something to someone or themselves. Keep that in mind for later on. And I’ve noticed we’ve gotten a lot of characters memories or backstories in a row. I like how it starts from a team —> family —> you. It slowly narrows down into categories, and also explains what the characters think of their relationships with others. In episode 43 we’re seeing this from all three perspectives, a team. In episode 44 we see this from two perspectives, two sisters, a family. Then in this episode, we see it from Blader Z’s perspective alone. Which is why the title uses “you” and not him. Directed to Chrome.

ALSO ALSO keep in mind how they don’t reveal Blader Z’s name until much later on (unless I have poor hearing skills)

ANYWAYS

in a similar fashion to Robin from our first episode, Blader Z barges into Xenon City excitedly, impatient to battle in the Amateur Cup. Blader Z then goes on to defeat every amateur, and in the final match he says he’s going to be like “him” (while thinking about Chrome) and he wins. Everyone notices his talent, and Number Zero asks if he has anything to say.

Blader Z just smiles and says Chrome Ryugu rules, and that Chrome’s the ideal Blader, and then says he’s going to be just like Chrome. Soooo right away we establish this is an idol-fan kind of relation for now.

Then we get shown the battle we saw in the intro, and Blader Z gets defeated pretty badly. Back in his little apartment he says he doesn’t want to lose anymore and realizes he needs to work harder. We then cut to a timeskip later, where Number One talks about Blader Z’s numerous wins and takes notice of how he uses the same bey as Chrome.

AFTER ANOTHER WON MATCH, WE FINALLY GET TO SEE AN INTERACTION BETWEEN THE TWO. (After Number Zero says the prize, which was probably the meeting with Chrome, which is rather… strange, wouldn’t you say?)

Blader Z obviously looks very surprised and happy, because he wasn’t expecting this. Chrome said he saw Blader Z’s match against Takumi, and Blader Z acknowledges he became arrogant during that match, and Chrome says “one’s strength in Blading is the strength in one’s heart” and moves Blader Z’s hand to his heart. Recognize something? If you said the first time Jaxon and Chrome fought, you’re right! Jaxon grabbed Chrome’s hand in a similar direction and position, except he didn’t purposefully put it against Chrome’s heart.

also, I’d like to point out how one-sided this seems and a few other odd things. Remember how Chrome viewed Jaxon, after Jaxon said Chrome should have fun, blading with him? A similar light is shown here. Except, Chrome was drawn into that light himself. Here, only Blader Z is viewing Chrome that way. And to be fair, yeah, it makes sense, seeing how much Blader Z looks up to Chrome. But Chrome doesn’t seem to be very, well, he is obviously putting effort in the interaction. But his wording is strange.

he ends up giving Blader Z Obsidian Shell, which Blader Z pretty much treasures immediately, but I don’t like how Chrome said it when he gave it. He said, “you have the power to master this bey, and with it, climb your way to the top of the X. At least that’s what I feel you’re capable of doing.” Giving expectations already, huh? HUH CHROME? IM GOING TO SCREAM

anyways we end up learning Blader Z’s real name, and it’s Ciel Kaminari. Chrome says he’ll remember that name and gives him a handshake and everything is all fine and dandy, right? RIGHT?

Ciel is seen rejecting sponsors left and right, not going pro unless he goes on Team Pendragon. We then timeskip and there’s a little detail to notice. On one of the screens, it’s the frame where Team Persona won against Team Yggdrasil (I dunno if that was intentional or not but I’m clinging onto it for some sort of timeline). So Ciel is pretty late to the scene, but not too late: He’s been getting noticed but Team Persona was pretty focused on beating Yggdrasil so they may have not noticed themselves.

Then, we get a rematch! Takumi versus Ciel, coincidence or not? And WHADDYA KNOW? Ciel wins this time! And Takumi isn’t salty about this, and he even raises Ciel’s hand which I think is 😭 so sweet. Takumi, yay! I’m glad you don’t break people’s beys anymore!

(let us ignore the fact Chrome is watching this match and looking as if his entire world is ending!)

A WHILE LATER OR PROBABLY THE NEXT DAY CIEL ENDS UP BEING SCOUTED FOR TEAM PENDRAGON!!! Look how happy he looks GAHHH, he’s finally made it, made it onto the team his idol is on, happily holding the bey his idol gave him, just overjoyed.

if you want him to have a happy time you should stop the episode there by the way, because this next half was an emotional rollercoaster I was not prepared to even experience.

Before the next few moments even occurred, I thought a few things. What happened for Ciel to suddenly harbor hatred against Jaxon? Why is he Blader Z? Something obviously happened. I expected something surprising.

what I was not expecting, was to get slapped in the face with Ciel entering the room already full of everything Jaxon related, with Chrome, with the music cutting off from soft to uneasy, to Chrome Ryugu’s dead-inside eyes.

Ciel is obviously surprised, and Chrome simply… stares.

the complete opposite of their first interaction. The room is dark. Ciel doesn’t look so enthusiastic anymore, in fact, he looks nervous. His voice is flat as he speaks to Ciel, asking how his match went. Ciel GRABS onto the topic, for something familiar. He said he was glad the match was set up like that before stepping forward. Something that will appear a few minutes later. He just quickly glances at it, but Chrome’s voice interrupts him and he gives Chrome his attention instead. Chrome reveals he made the commission set it up.

Ciel is absolutely baffled, and we can hear Chrome rummaging for something. Lo and behold…

It’s the mask. The Z mask. And judging by the sounds, it seems as if Chrome had been holding onto it for a while, storing it away. You can HEAR Ciel getting increasingly more panicked and confused as he steps back and Chrome steps forward, and oh my god I’ve never wanted to PUNCH Chrome Ryugu more than I have now. He looked down, with a smile, with an EXPECTANT look as he held that mask. The absolute, the look, the look alone was horrifying??? I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT? Then Chrome says “But if you are who I think you are, I want you to live up to your expectations.”

Excuse me, who YOU think Ciel is? A fan who was really happy to receive a bey from you and lived by your words and aspired to be like you and made it onto your team? Or a fan who could be manipulated into becoming what YOU want him to become?

and here comes the part where Ciel realizes. He steps back, the noise similar to earlier when he stepped on something, and recognized the photos of Blader X, next to a photo of Jaxon Cross.

It doesn’t take a genius to put the pieces together, though I don’t know how he didn’t see the gigantic photo of Jaxon earlier (we saw it in the background when they met again), and Ciel knows Jaxon Cross is Blader X. Jaxon Cross, who left Pendragon, who wears a mask— a mask that Chrome is now presenting in front of him—

Chrome says he doesn’t need Ciel Kaminari and puts the damn thing on Ciel without a second thought. He wants Ciel to “lose” that identity and become Blader Z. He wants Ciel to fill in Jaxon’s shoes, and makes the most normal smile we’ve seen him make so far within this entire interaction. Like this is the only thing that brings him comfort. Something related to Jaxon. Then he hands Ciel Buster Dran, and his use of it makes sense now. That’s why Chrome told him not to indulge himself when he used Obsidian Shell facing Jaxon. He wanted Blader Z, not Ciel Kaminari.

What makes this worse is that even the episode itself kinda foreshadows this. Remember how they held off on revealing Ciel’s name this episode? It’s his lost identity. And it delays the reveal, like how the other episodes featuring Ciel delay in his face reveal. Heartbreaking. What, you thought this was the worst of it? No. Chrome tells him to become Blader X, traces the DAMN letter on Ciel’s mask, and says, “you can, right?”

His expectations. He sets them, AGAIN, like earlier, when he gave Ciel Obsidian Shell. The way he words it so carefully, like he knows Ciel would dread the thought of not doing something “easy” Chrome would expect him to do. Disappointment from the pro Blader you look up to? That would be a nightmare, right?

instead of realizing he needs to get the fuck out of there after throwing a right hook at Chrome and live FAR FAR away from Chrome and hopefully erase these memories, Ciel instead, tries to EMPATHIZE with Chrome. He tries to feel the emotion Chrome feels.

and he ends up crying. SO, if Ciel is right, Chrome isn’t feeling loneliness, anger, or sadness. It’s different, but more painful. Painful enough to make Ciel cry. And Ciel declares he’ll do anything for Chrome. Chrome says that’ll do, and Obsidian Shell falls on the ground, forgotten.

We cut to Ciel on the rooftop basically telling himself he’s Blader Z, remembering past events, wanting to do better. But what’s interesting is that he says he’ll SURPASS Blader X, not be him. So, Ciel isn’t fully complying. He wants to be better than Blader X, and earn Chrome’s approval.

Ciel oh my god you deserve so much better what the fuck Chrome this certainly cannot get wo—

another timeskip! Chrome’s talking to himself when Ciel enters. Ciel says it’s him, Blader Z, but Chrome doesn’t accept/hear that answer. It’s not what he wants to hear. But when Blader Z says Chrome’s name, Chrome just LAUGHS and says “you answered. You answered me, didn’t you!?”

Ciel takes a noticeable step forward and Chrome whips his head around like an owl, saying oh, Ciel is here. Ciel, judging by his stutter and momentary pause, thinks this is a test and says “I’m not Ciel, I’m Blader Z.”

what Chrome said next made me want to go through the screen and PUNCH, just PUNCH that face of his.

“Oh, yes, right. But, I’ve had enough now. Ciel, your role is now over.”

Chrome Ryugu, may Jaxon Cross never reunite with you, and may Ciel Kaminari take his mask off and throw it off at your stupid feet and tell you to your face you’re horrible and you’ll never understand Jaxon Cross or this X you’re chasing. May Jaxon Cross tell you he never wants to see your face again! You manipulated your fan from day 1 to momentarily replace and fulfill that emotion you had with Jaxon/Blader X, and basically tell him that he, as he is, is not good enough unless he’s Blader Z. And now, that you’ve had “enough,” the one thing that he knows that kept your attention on him, is thrown away, how the fuck do you think he’s gonna feel?

Ciel’s face speaks for itself as Chrome basically says how Chrome was a fool for thinking he could replace “that X”. Chrome clutches at his heart and says “The only certain X is right here within me. There’s no possible way anyone other than me could understand him.”

him. HIM. This X? Him? JAXON??? Don’t make me laugh. If Jaxon saw you right now I don’t think he’d like this. He was already somewhat worried by Chrome’s behavior change, how this Chrome isn’t like the Chrome he knew. But it turns out he didn’t know you well enough either because you’ve been slowly getting worse by the time. Actually, what’s even the timespan??? IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN MORE THAN EVEN A YEAR, COULD IT??? Chrome’s mental state has declined faster than someone’s card out there. If it’s Jaxon, I’m going to scream. It reminds me of the ep from Zip and Zoom where Robin says no one knows Blader X (Jaxon) better than he does, no one in the entire world. I’m gonna scream.

Ciel has gotten dragged into this situation, and because of how he views Chrome, he directs the hatred to the wrong person, Jaxon. He asks out loud, “Jaxon Cross… did you know, about Chrome’s feelings? Did you even try to answer them at all? I’m the one who’s worthy of being on Team Pendragon! I’ll get you Jaxon Cross!”

I’m going to cry. Chrome and Jaxon have always been able to sense each other if one is thinking of the other, or seeing the other. Jaxon however, he doesn’t notice how Chrome is off, until he actually sees him in real life. That’s the only time when we hear him sound somewhat vulnerable, asking Multi (and probably Robin) to not get in the way of him and Chrome. But Jaxon doesn’t seem to get what’s exactly wrong. HE ISN’T GOOD WITH FEELINGS CIEL, HE LITERALLY TOLD ROBIN “so is that it” AFTER ROBIN TOLD HIM AND MULTI TO GO TO THE TOP OF THE X WITHOUT HIM IF THEY GOT CHOSEN IN THE PERSONAL VOTES AND MULTI HAD TO TRANSLATE BECAUSE ROBIN WAS BEWILDERED. But of course they haven’t met or interacted directly so Ciel doesn’t know this.

Ciel STILL has his mask on despite saying “I’m worthy”, so he might still be trying to salvage what’s left of his “role” to win Chrome’s approval and attention again. Or he might be also doing it for himself and his hard efforts, because he got smacked to the side. I have no clue how to interpret this because I’m just horrified. Is he saving a bit of his identity or still Blader Z for Chrome?

we then get footage of everyone, Chrome’s talking to himself again and smiling with his punchable face, Sigrid is on the car ride home, Team Persona is eating some sushi— WHAT THE HELL JAXON

we get this ominous moment where Jaxon turns and faces the viewer with an uncomfortable moment of eye to eye contact! Does he know more than he’s letting on? Does h— I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS PLEASE I NEED THE DISNEY XD CHANNEL PLEASE PLEASE I NEED THE NEXT EPISODE I NEED JAXON AND ROBIN BEING DUMB I NEED MY JOY AND WHIMSY IM TERRIFIED AND ANGRY AT CHROME PLEASE—

I could not keep my bias out of this analysis I am sorry

and last but not least! Prove, remember? Ciel is trying to prove that he can be better than Blader X and he deserves that spot on Team Pendragon more.

[rowyndodendron]

IPHIGENEIA'S SACRIFCE, AKA: "THAT'S NOT WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED"

Every time someone describes/reduces Agamemnon’s choice to sacrifice Iphigenia as "he killed his daughter to go to war" or "he killed his daughter for favourable winds to get to Troy faster" I lose 10 years off my life. Which means by this point I died approximately 9,000 years ago.

Because y'all...y'all do understand that was NOT the choice, right? Like. It was not "Iphigenia lives, no war" vs "Iphigenia dies, yes war!" That was NOT the choice. That was NEVER the choice. It was NEVER that simple. It was NEVER that easy. IT WAS NEVER ACTUALLY THAT CHOICE AT ALL. The choice is not Iphigenia or war. The choice is not even whether Iphigenia lives or dies. The only actual choice Agamemnon gets to make, realistically speaking, is HOW Iphigenia dies.

ARTEMIS IS A GOD!!!

First of all: Artemis is a GOD. Artemis, the god, DEMANDED Agamemnon sacrifice his daughter to appease her/because she was pissed at him. Do you REALLY think, ignoring the gathered army for a moment (I'll get there), but just thinking purely from an Agamemnon-Artemis standpoint for a moment she would have let him just say no?

Hypothetically, if Agamemnon had said, "eh, nah, don't really fancy killing my own kid, actually, I'll just go home and forget about this war business" do you HONESTLY believe that Artemis would've been like "yeah, cool bro, it's all good, I'm no longer mad about the Special Deer you killed, we're even-stevens, have a lovely trip home, tell the wife I said hello." NO!!!! This is a PUNISHMEMT. This is Artemis taking revenge for Agamemnon’s mistake/in some instances his hubris and boasting. Any circumstance here that does not end with a dead Iphigenia therefore ends with a dissatisfied Artemis. And that ain't happening*.

*I also do NOT believe/credit any 'Artemis was trying to stop the war/emphasise the cost of war/use Iphigenia to show Agamemnon how the innocents suffer in war' takes. Because no. This is the same goddess who, alongside Apollo, murdered 12 of one of Agamemnon’s ancestors children because she boasted about having better pussy game than Artemis' mum. Artemis also shows up to stick her bow in a couple of times in the Iliad for the lolz. And it's clearly stated this war is happening/continuing/not being allowed to end BECAUSE of the gods in the Iliad.

The idea Artemis actually was trying to stop things/believed the war would stop if Agamemnon ~understood the cost~ is bullshit. (Not least because Agamemnon 1) is one of the few Greek Kings present who has firsthand war experience. 2) if you don't know already just…just go google the house of atreus then come back and try telling me fucking AGAMEMNON doesnt understand the suffering of innocents lmfao

This is a standard: mortal pisses off god, god demands they pay the price. The price is Iphigenia being killed. The only real choice Agamemnon has is how that happens. And, beyond the whole “pissed off god” thing (as if that wasn't enough) there are other factors here too:

ITCHY ARMIES

It's been discussed before that Agamemnon is not really alone in making this decision. Because there are: 1,000 ships (give or take) with him, each with, let's say, around 100 soldiers. That equals: a lot of people - around 100,000 soldiers. That's: a lot of fucking people. It's also: a lot of fucking people squished in a not very large space.

Source

See that lil red blob? That's Aulis. See the skinny channel between Aulis and the above chunk of land (which is Eubeoa). Yeh that’s where A Lot of ships are squished. Aulis was an ASSEMBLY point, it was meant to be the place everyone gathered, quick headcount, then yeet. They're not supposed to stay there.

Lots of Regular Ass People, nevermind soldiers, smooshed in one place causes lots of things to happen. None of them are good. Building boredom, and building tension, and building frustration is going to lead to: an increase in fights, scuffles, discontent and discipline issues. Especially amidst a group of soldiers who are newly assembled, newly brought together to mingle with other armies (and there WILL be factions who have previous beefs and are disposed to having enmity with each other). Add into that the fact most of the commanders/kings don't really have any proper experience in war/have just wrangled up their troops that's…a bad set-up and is asking for the army to eat itself alive if left long enough.

Pressures adding onto that, one of which is: disease/sickness. Even without divine help (thanks Apollo!) of plague spreading, lots of people smooshed in small spaces, especially with fighting/injuries, that's going to cause illness and infection. That's: bad.

Also…

“BECALMED!” “I AM CALMED!!!!!”

Something I see talked about LESS but which definitely feels like A Big Problem to me from my EXTENSIVE knowledge of it (thanks Black Sails!) is the ships being what we call ‘becalmed’. This sounds pleasant! It is: not. (Obligatory disclaimer i am Not, in general, A Boat Expert (i actually get seasick looool) BUT, some quick googleage confirms that, as I guessed, this would be: Bad.)

Being becalmed essentially means: the wind goes away, your sailing ship with its lovely big sails is great, a marvel of ancient world exploration! It can't do shit if there's: no wind. It gets stuck. Drifting vaguely and sadly waiting for the winds to pls come back so it can: go somewhere.

This USUALLY happens out on open sea and is very obviously: not desirable. However it can ALSO happen even while ships are at port under ‘certain circumstances’ in this case those circumstances are: pissed off gods. No wind means no movement. No movement means: no war and no Troy. No movement ALSO means: no going home.

“But but but ROWYN! What about the ROWERS!!!The Greek ships, according to Homer (and history) generally had oars!” I hear u boat people shriek. And yes they did! Oar-driven ships can also become becalmed in situations of rowers being: sleepy, the oars being broken or damaged, or currents/winds that are too strong to row against. (Or, mayhaps...an angry god!)

At a certain point the logic of boats etc has to be tempered by, well, temper. Specifically: Artemis’. In theory if we were just dealing with normal old ‘mother nature is being a bitch and has said ‘no winds for now!’’ that's one thing. And under those circumstances the fleet could've likely just oared its way out of port and off to Troy. We also have the element of: a pissed off god to consider.

UNDER PRESSURE (not the fun Queen kind)

The lack of winds is a means of applying pressure. Because, let's be real, no at least semi-reasonable human being (which Agamemnon, largely, WAS) is going to look at a daughter he loves (which Agamemnon evidently DID) and go “alright sweetie, unfortunately papa has to murder you now” without exhausting: ALL OTHER OPTIONS.

That means Artemis had to prevent any other options from working. So that there is an UNAVOIDABLE/INSURMOUNTABLE pressure/some sort of force pushing Agamemnon irresistibly towards: child sacrifice. That means Artemis is not going to let them just casually row their way out of port. Nor is she going to let them go home to abandon the attempt/try again later. She wants Agamemnon to be appropriately punished. Appropriately punished, as Artemis has decided, is Agamemnon killing Iphigenia. That means they are, supernaturally, becalmed. That is: very bad.

There are 100,000+ soldiers PLUS (as the Iliad notes) OTHER crew like rowers and clerks in ADDITION to the soldiers. They do not have supplies prepared to sustain them on an extended stop at what was supposed to just be a meeting place. They are NOT in a place designed to hold/support that many people. The land around them is filled with their OWN people CANNOT feed/water that extra months smooshed in here. And the whole “angry god says no ship movement” means they can't raid further afield/NOT their own people.

Artemis has essentially arranged it so that even if, by some (not-happening) MIRACLE, the kings manage to keep control of their increasingly unruly armies and they avoid in-fighting/mutiny/disease: these people are all going to start dying from dehydration and starvation. And quickly. People who are: in the process of dying from starvation and dehydration are not typically known for their rational minds and good choices. This is going to increase the tension and pressures and fighting/injury. It's going to increase the death toll.

THE ACTUAL CHOICE

So now Agamemnon’s ACTUAL choice, as enforced by, again, THE LITERAL GOD is: how many of your men are you going to let die before you give in and kill your daughter. With an extra bonus concern of: is your daughter going to get a quick, relatively merciful death or is she going to be torn apart (likely along with Agamemnon, his brother, and inner circle/closest men) by a starving, angry, disease-riddled mob?

This is also, incidentally, why Odysseus gets involved/helps this process. Because much as (apparently) he gets viewed as a ruthless, “ends justify ANY means” borderline sociopathic arsehole: he is not, in actual fact, comfortable with willy-nilly child murder! (What a high bar our blorbos have to clear, y'all…/s). What Odysseus IS capable of/where he excels is logic. And logic (as demonstrated by this feral shrieking which is, believe or fucking not, rooted in logic) says, clearly: Iphigenia is effectively already dead. And was as soon as Artemis made her demand. The only question now is how messy this is going to be/how much Iphigenia is going to suffer for this. Odysseus steps in to try and MINIMISE both (not for the sheer glee of logic-sanctioned child murder, actually)

I WOULD LIKE TO UNINSTALL 'GIVING A FUCK', PLS - Agamemnon

But okay back to Agamemnon and the bonus problem if the starving, angry, disease-riddled mob. Because THOSE PEOPLE are actually also an extra pressure on Agamemnon because he, repeatedly, indisputably and canonically CARES about the lives of the men who have pledged to follow him, and feels guilt/concern which IS STRONGER THAN his stubbornness and pride and just about everything else.

Imma throw some quotations at you now so you can't say this post is JUST me shrieking bc look! Iliad words! (All Iliad references below are from the Richmond Lattimore translation).

'Still I am willing to give her (Chryseis) back, if such is the best way.

I myself desire that my people be safe, not perish. (Iliad, Book 1, Line 116)

HE LITERALLY SAYS IT. LIKE HE SAYS IT RIGHT THERE!!! He tells the army Chryseis is dearer to him than his wife (which is a whole other kettle of fish, i aint getting into that rn) - but the POINT is he loves this woman, and he refused to ransom her back for A Lot Of Money. And he's not HAPPY about it, but as soon as he's told doing so will stop his people dying by plague (thanks Apollo!) he agrees. BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT HIS PEOPLE TO DIE.

"'Still, Zeus, bring to pass at least this thing that I pray for.

Let our men at least get clear and escape, and let not the Achaians be thus beaten down at the hands of the Trojans.’

[Agamemnon] spoke thus, and as he wept the father took pity upon him and bent his head, that the people should stay alive, and not perish.

(Iliad, Book 8, Line 242)

This is LITERALLY what he prays for.

Now keep in mind that in book 2 Zeus sent ‘Evil Dream’ down to Agamemnon and basically ordered him to go attack Troy because Zeus would let him capture the city and be victorious at last. And Zeus straight-up LIED to him. And has done nothing of the sort.

Agamemnon would be well within his rights to be like ‘yo, mate, the FUCK!? Where's my goddamn glory? Where's my victory you yourself promised me like 2 days ago!? Bruh!?!?!?’ (and he does kind of ask WHY, MAN!? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!? in the earlier part of this prayer, to be entirely transparent)

But what he ACTUALLY, ACTIVELY PRAYS FOR, is not for victory, or for strength, or personal glory, (which, those who've read the Iliad knows how dang important glory is to everyone/as a central theme), or even the ability to get revenge/payback and kill a bunch of Trojans in return.

Agamemnon asks nothing for himself, or even for vengeance for the dead; he asks for the living. He begs Zeus to please let his men escape and stop them from being slaughtered. And Zeus is so moved by his genuine grief and pain at this that he actually listens, and actually does let the people stay alive, because of Agamemnon’s prayer (and note how the wording echoes Agamemnon’s assertion in book 1- what he desires is his people ‘not perish’, and what Zeus grants in response to his book 8 prayer is that ‘the people…not perish’, further reinforcing that was NOT just talk on Agamemnon’s part).

There are other (many other) instances that prove Agamemnon Cares - but i think we Get It for the purposes of this meta (and I'm going to deep-dive the other examples later anyway), but like you see it, right??? You HAVE to see how much this man GENUINELY cares. He refuses vast amounts of wealth and treasures to ransom back Chryseis - but he's NOT willing to sacrifice any of his soldier's lives and IMMEDIATELY returns her (with additional gifts/his own wealth to make sure things are smoothed over properly). He's so obviously desperate and distraught when he prays, not for glory or victory, that Zeus (who has at this point forbidden his own wife and daughter from interfering to stop the Trojans killing the Greeks) feels pity for him and is moved to help him.

And EVEN IF you wanted to argue that this is an Agamemnon 10 years later and maybe he wasn't like that when the armies first gathered at Aulis…You CANNOT tell me, if THAT is how he responds to random soldiers, many of whom he's likely never even met/doesn't know the names of, yet feels responsibility over because they're HIS people and he is their leader, that he didn't care a thousand times more for his ACTUAL FLESH-AND-BLOOD, HOME GROWN AND RAISED DAUGHTER.

DEATH vs SACRIFICE

I will stand for no more casual “yeah Agamemnon killed his kid for better winds” takes. NO MORE! I WILL HAVE NONE OF IT.

I will permit no further “Agamemnon CHOSE to sacrifice his daughter for the war to go ahead” because did he FUCK. Agamemnon did not CHOOSE to kill Iphigenia. Agamemnon's only CHOICE was how and when she died and how many soldiers went with her.

There was NO way for Agamemnon to save Iphigenia. NONE. Because if there had been ANY alternative AT ALL: he damn well would've fucking taken it. “But but but he could've-” No. He couldn't.

Because Iphigenia's DEATH was not Agamemnon’s punishment and Artemis’ revenge. If it had been Artemis would've just killed her herself, as she did to Niobe's daughters. Iphigeneia's SACRIFICE was Agamemnon’s punishment and Artemis’ revenge.

She wanted HIM to do it. She wanted HIM to kill his child (either by holding the knife, or giving the order, either way). HE had to do that. HE had to actually kill his own child and live with the grief and guilt and consequences of that for the rest of his life. THAT was what she wanted.

He killed her Special Deer and wasn't upset about it, so she wanted him to Feel It. She wanted him to kill something and be tormented by that grief and guilt for the rest of his life, as she felt he should have been over the Special Deer.

Artemis didn't want Iphigenia to die necessarily, she wanted Agamemnon to kill her. (And that's why the last minute switcharoo with the deer on the altar instead works/is sometimes allowed by Artemis- because even if Iphigenia lives, Agamemnon STILL gets to suffer in the knowledge and the guilt that he WOULD have killed her).

WHO LIVES, WHO DIES, WHO TELLS YOU-TO KILL YOUR OWN CHILD? WHAT THE FUCK, ARTEMIS!?

Agamemnon never got to choose if Iphigenia lived or died. The ONLY one who had that power of THAT choice was Artemis herself. (Which is seen, as I mentioned, when sometimes she last minute swaps Iphigenia for a deer (Artemis dropping in another Special Deer for Agamemnon to kill in Aulis like: YOU'LL CARE ABOUT KILLING THIS ONE, MOTHERFUCKER.) and takes Iphigenia as an acolyte instead.

Because (in a rather nice parallel to her father Zeus also being moved by Agamemnon’s pleas to protect his soldiers in the Iliad) Artemis acknowledges that, yeah, this is pretty fucked up actually lol. And she does not necessarily help/forgive Agamemnon - but does protect/spare Iphigenia/his soldiers. And, again as discussed: Agamemnon STILL gets to suffer/live with the consequences of Special Deer Killing Crime with The Guilt…(and also the axe to the face courtesy of Clytemnestra. But I think that was just an added bonus punishment rather than the actual goal tbh)) it's a win-win for Artemis. And a constant soul-crushing loss for Agamemnon.

QUESTION: IMPOSSIBLE CHOICE. ANSWER: GUARANTEED SUFFERING

He could NEVER have saved her. He could NEVER have prevented her death. He could ONLY minimise casualties and suffering. He was in an impossible situation and it could only ever end with the death of his child (or 100,000 random soldiers instead, IF you actually think they'd have all just sat around and died for this, Iphigenia being brought by Agamemnon/Odysseus/Santa Claus or otherwise)That is: FUCKED UP.

It was not about winds. It was not about war. It was not about life or death. It was about saving who and what he could. (Actually it was about: SUFFERING regardless. But in terms of 'what Agamemnon could ACTUALLY influence/change - that's where the minimising agony part comes in.)

ONLY Artemis could stop Iphigenia dying. Agamemnon could only lose. That's why it was a punishment! That's why the story is a tragedy!!! Because there is no way to win.

Try to row to Troy, fuck your lack of wind/impossible demand: god says no.

Try to row home, fuck your lack of wind/impossible demand: god says no.

Refuse to sacrifice Iphigenia:

-Scenario A: Your army of 100,000 men starve/dehydrate/fight/disease their way to death because they CANNOT LEAVE THIS PLACE* (god says no) or raid/resupply (god says no)

*except to go obtain your child. So she can be killed. Bc that's the only thing the god WOULD allow. (Logic, people).

-Scenario B: they decide to help you out and murder your child for you. (and probably you and all your family/closest allies as well). Which is NOT gonna be pleasant.

Sacrifice Iphigenia: congrats you killed your own kid, you are now: sad forever and you STILL have to fight a 10 year long war.

This is what we call: The Ideal Tragedy. A Lose-Lose-Lose-Lose set-up. Just the way the gods like it.

IN CONCLUSION: THE YEET GRENADE OF FACTS AND TRUTH

Okay is that enough now? Can I please stop yapping about this?? Do we concede that “Agamemnon killed Iphigenia to go to war/for better winds to get to war faster/was just soooo horny for that good sweet bloodshed action that he casually executed his firstborn kid” is NOT WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!?!?!?

NO CHOICE. NO SAVING. NO OPTIONS BUT SUFFERING: the greek god's FAVOURITE way to punish naughty mortals.

May I now please REST!?!?!? too bad, im gonna. But now i have this rant to yeet at peoples’ heads like a damn grenade of Facts And Truth if ppl start @-ing Agamemnon for this. (And u can yeet it too, feel free. This is not just My grenade now, it is Our grenade).

Agamemnon has lots of other Actual Flaws: can we talk about them instead!? Please!! Please god roast this man in a Factual Way, so i dont feel COMPELLED to defend him. That is literally SO doable. I genuinely beg u.