#please stop making me reevaluate all my relationships

[dropping-out]

Anybody ever have a rough time watching D20 because Brennan does parenting in such a specific and painful way for people who have complicated relationships/feelings with their parents? No? Just me?

[obsessedelusional]

Eddie ‘The Munch’ Munson

parings ✦ Eddie Munson x reader

summary ✦ Your best friend, Chrissy, confronts you wanting to know why you’ve been so distant. When you tell her it’s because you’ve been spending all your time under Eddie Munson she’s in shock, wanting to know everything. So you do exactly that, which leads to Chrissy reevaluating her relationship with Jason. Does her big mouth get you in trouble?

authors note ✦ thanks for all the love on my most recent post omg hope y’all enjoy this one too!! appreciate feedback and reblogs <3 my fav is Eddie being obsessed with eating the reader out expecting nothing in return so that’s where this came from lol

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

“I still can’t believe the reason you’ve been disappearing lately is because you’re too busy fucking Eddie Munson.” Chrissy laughs out loud which comes to an end quickly when you tell her shut up. You decided to come clean when she pulled you to side asking what was wrong and why you had been come so distant.

You two grew up together, you considered her family at this point. Chrissy and you were on total opposite sides of the social spectrum. You joined band and she became a cheerleader. That never stopped you two from being inseparable. At first you tried to hang out with her new friends but couldn’t handle it which she took no offense to. You found your own group of friends quickly but you two always found your ways back to each other. Most weekends spent at each others homes or hanging out together at the local mall. You felt like you could tell her anything and felt bad you have kept this a secret as long as you had.

“So how’d this happen?” Chrissy asks wanting to know all the details. But before you can respond the schools bell goes off signally that lunch is over. She groans annoyed, “You best believe I’ll be at your house tonight after practice and you’re going to tell me everything.” She pulls you into a hug before leaving you alone in the quiet hallway which quickly fills up with other students hurrying to their classrooms. Eddie walks by, catches you staring and shoots you a smile. You waste no time pulling out your phone to send him a text making your way to your next period.

You: my parents won’t be home tonight

Only a few moments pass before your phone dings, it’s Eddie.

Eddie: I have a drop off but as soon as I’m done I’ll be at yours

You: I’ll be waiting for you

—

You’re sat at home anticipating Eddie’s arrival. Periodically checking your phone waiting for any messages letting you know he’s on his way. Your parents would be out of town this weekend, leaving you home alone. No text from him but the music blaring out of a car stereo notifies you, he’s here. You waste no time running down stairs, to the front door to greet him. You open the door just as he’s about to knock.

“Come on, we have one hour until Chrissy’s coming over.” You grab his hand to lead him upstairs, straight to you bedroom. You push him towards your bed he stumbles backwards eventually landing on it.

“Only one hour! What ever shall we do?” He asks, putting on one of his accents, he pulls you in closer so your standing between his legs. You laugh before smashing your lips into his, he hoists you up so you can sit on his lap. His hands wander under the skirt your wearing. “No underwear?” You nod no in response, his hand grasps your ass softly before pulling away swiftly and smacking it hard enough to emit a noise out of you.

“I want to please you.” You pout, letting yourself unbutton his black skinny jeans.

“Won’t be necessary.” He lifts you up unexpectedly causing you to hold on tight before he lays you down so he could be on top. He starts peppering kisses down you neck, pulling at your t-shirt. You help him take it off, exposing your chest. “No bra either? You’re trying to kill me.” He says latching onto you nipple, sucking causing you to arch yourself forward. He let’s go and continues kissing down your body. Stopping at where you skirt starts lifting it up and using his strong hands to spread your legs. Your glistening cunt on full display for him. “One hour right?”

“Yeah,” You gulp nervously knowing what’s coming. Eddie loved nothing more then to spend an extended period of time between you legs making you finish over and over again. Half the time you’d have cum multiple times and he’d never once let you get him off. Telling you that causing you pleasure was more than enough for him.

“I wanna see how many time I can make you cum before our times up. Is that okay?” He asks, looking up from between your legs. You nod yes response but that’s not enough. “I need your words princess.”

“Yes.” Is all you can manage to get out and he doesn’t miss a beat, his tongue running up your opening landing on you clit. Your whimpers fill the silence in the room along with sounds of his fingers slipping between your folds. His middle finger enters your opening and curls it upward.

“More please.” You beg and he adds another finger, stretching you out. His tongue leaves your clit and is replaced by his other hand, running circles around your clit.

“You’re so fucking hot when you beg. So fucking needy.” His words just what you need to send you over the edge. Moans as loud as a yell leave your mouth. Eddie can feel your orgasm as your privates clench on his two fingers. He shuts you up by kissing you his fingers still pumping in and out of you.

—

You two lost track of time because before you knew it the moment is interrupted by the sound of pounding on front door, a female voice yelling for you. He pulls away from you so he can look out your bedroom window.

You rush throwing your clothes back on and finding your phone to find the time. It had been well over an hour at this point. You have several missed messages and a few missed calls from her. You shoot her a text saying you’ll be downstairs in a moment.

You look into the mirror on your vanity and quickly brush your hair and fix your makeup so it’s not as evident what she’s walking in on. In the mirror you notice Eddie sat on the bed readjusting his boner. Facing him you say, “I hate to kick you out so early but I promised her we’d hang and catch up. She’s was pretty upset because I’ve been preoccupied.”

“By what?”

“You.” He smiles and kisses you one last time before he has to go.

“Do you want me to climb out the window once you let her inside?” Eddie suggest, almost as if he’s had to do that before which makes you sad at the thought of that.

“Why would you do that?”

“In case you don’t want her to see me.”

“I don’t care if she sees you. She knows about you.”

“She does?” You nod, smile reassuringly letting know Eddie everything’s okay. Eddie follows you down stairs, watching as you open the door to let Chrissy in.

“What took you so long?” She groans annoyed throwing her backpack to the ground stopping in her tracks when she sees Eddie standing there. “Oh that’s what took you so long.” She narrows her eyes, looking between Eddie and you.

Uncomfortable by the situation Eddie excuses him self. “We’re still on for tomorrow right?” You ask before he walks out the front door.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” With that he’s gone, shutting the door behind him.

“Girl what the fuck was that?” She makes her way to your bedroom, you follow closely behind. Watching her as she sits on your bed. The bed where you just spent the last last hour being eaten out. You try to hard not to think about it. “Can’t believe you were to busy fucking Munson to let your best friend in.” She looks around your bedroom before terror strikes her, “In this bed too?” She shrieks getting up to move to the chair sat in the opposite corner.

You can’t help but laugh before apologizing, “Sorry we were—“

“Fucking.” She interrupts you.

You sigh excepting the fact that there’s no way to hide it, “Sort of.”

“Sort of? What does that mean?” She ask curiously, “and don’t spare any of the details please.”

“He was going down on me.” You admit. Figuring it was your turn to share the gory details of your sex life. Have been forced on multiple occasions to hear about Jason. The man you hated but knew if you tried to say anything it’d only push Chrissy away from you.

“Must be nice.” She says flatly, distracting herself by scrolling through her phone.

“Jason doesn’t go down on you?” You ask absolutely baffled.

“No he refuses.”

“Do you go down on him?” You ask and she nods yes, likes she’s to ashamed to say it out loud. “Girl what the fuck? Is there anything favorable about him?”

“Enough about me.” She laughs uncomfortably, “How is he in bed? How big is he?

Rolling your eyes annoyed you respond, “Amazing actually. He enjoys making me finish over and over again. Half the time I don’t even have to do anything which is shame because his uhh… is huge.”

“I didn’t think men like that actually existed.” She sighs.

“They’re out there. You’ve just been stuck on the same dick for years, expand you horizons Chrissy. Have you ever even had an orgasm?”

“Ya know they have a name for men like that?” She says completely disregarding your jab at Jason and the question you asked. Her lack of answer was your answer. “He’s a munch.”

“A munch?” You ask, you’ve never heard of it before.

“A man who gets off on performing oral. Doesn’t expect anything in return. Usually because he’s obsessed with the woman who’s receiving.” You laugh because that describes Eddie to a t.

“Sounds a bout right.” You smile.

“Instead of Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson we should start calling him Eddie ‘The Munch’ Munson.” Chrissy says erupting in laughter at her own joke causing you to roll your eyes for the hundredth time since Chrissy showed up.

You two spend the next few hours catching up on town gossip and updating each other on your lives. The conversation somehow always ending back on the topic of Eddie. You didn’t mind though, it was nice finally being able to talk to someone about him. It’s getting pretty late so Chrissy decides to go home not before letting you know she’d be having a talk with Jason about how things needed to change.

—

The entirety of you weekend was spent in bed with Eddie. Waking up next to him was something you could get used to. You two would stay up supper late fucking and sleep in till the later afternoon. Sometimes being woken up in the middle of the night because Eddie couldn’t contain him self. His favorite image was you laying in bed in nothing more than underwear and oversized t-shirt. It all came an end Sunday afternoon when your mom notified you they were on your way home. Sadly you two separated making plans for Monday night at his place.

You were so exhausted from the weekend you slept through your alarm Monday morning. Waking up near noon, your parents already gone for the day. You’ve never gotten ready so fast in your life. Only time to brush your teeth and your hair before running out the door. When you arrive to school it’s lunch time, “Better late than never I guess.” You mutter your self as the lady at the front desk checks you in. Walking out the office you make your way to your locker, throwing stuff from your backpack inside.

“Where have you been?” Chrissy says as she approaches you, wearing her cheer uniform.

“I over slept.”

“So you haven’t heard anything?”

“Heard what?” You groan not in the mood for any drama right now.

“Before I tell you what happened please tell me you’re not gonna be mad at me.”

“What did you do?” Your mind racing at what Chrissy could of possibly done, shutting you locker so you can face her.

“Promise me.”

“Fine I promise I won’t be mad at you.”

“So it’s kinda your fault because you got into my head. All the talk about how good Eddie is in bed made me upset that Jason is the way he is. So after I left yours I went straight to his house and ripped into him.” She hesitates to finish her story so you tell her to skip to the part that would piss you off. “Well he wasn’t taking me seriously and I know how much he dislikes Eddie. So I told him I heard from a friend that Eddie is so good in bed, the best she’s ever had. Always going down on her.” Your eyes widen in horror, “He immediately assumed I meant one of the girls on the cheer squad. He was so mad I would even compare him with Eddie. So he went around telling his friends what I said.”

“Chrissy why would you tell him all that?”

“I’m not done yet.” Guilt spreads across her face.

“Oh my fucking god. What else could you possibly add?”

“Now all the girls on the squad are talking about Eddie and gushing over him. Talking about how who should be the one to find out if the rumors are true. I’m so so so so so sorry.” You can’t come up with a response trying to wrap your mind around all the information she just dumped on you. Out of your peripheral you can see Eddie headed you way, he looks upset.

“Please keep walking,” You mutter to yourself. Chrissy notices Eddie and apologizes again before running of leaving you alone. As you try to follow her your stopped by someone grabbing your wrist. You turn to face Eddie smile plastered on your face praying that he has no idea. Considering this is the first time he’s publicly approached you he must know.

“Care to explain why I’ve got three different cheerleaders in my DMs and Sinclair telling me that everyone on the basketball team was talking about my performance in bed?”

“Huh! That’s crazy.” You laugh awkwardly as Eddie backs you into lockers.

“Considering your the only one at this school I’ve slept with and your best friend is Chrissy Cunningham. It all leads back to you.” You quickly decide that coming clean is your only option.

“I shared details with Chrissy as you do with your closest friends.” He nods watching you attentively as you explain. He’s so much taller then you so you have to look up when you speak to him. Which doesn’t help your nerves at all, fluttering your long lashes at Eddie in the hopes that it’s enough to get you out of this situation.

“And?” Your presenting innocent didn’t work.

“Apparently Jason doesn’t go down on her. So when I told her how much you enjoy it she called you a munch.”

“A munch?” He questions, you ignore it and continue the story.

“She told Jason that he she do it because you do it and she thought because of how much he dislikes you it would make him want to do it. It didn’t. It only made him mad and he told everyone on the basketball team which obviously got passed onto the cheer squad. Now they’re all thirsting after you.” You sigh finishing your rambles.

“Could be a worst rumor going around.” He laughs, allowing you to relax knowing he’s not too upset.

“Yeah and now you can have any cheerleader you want.” You laugh back trying to make a joke of the whole situation.

“I don’t want any cheerleader.” He rejects your joke.

“Who do you want?” You grin, hoping his answer aligns with your hopes.

“Who do you think?” He playfully jokes.

“I dunno.”

“You.” He says and lowering himself to your level, can’t help yourself from blushing at how forward he’s being in such a public setting. His hand finding your face before giving you a sweet short kiss soothing any anger you had toward Chrissy for opening her big mouth. Pulling away he asks, “So are you going to explain what a munch is?” Embarrassed your hands cover your face. “Nah uh you’re gonna tell me.”

“It’s basically a man who enjoys eating pussy without getting anything in return.” You spit it out fast as humanly possible, hands still covering your face.

“Guess that makes me a munch,” he laughs, pulling your hands away from your face.

“She called you Eddie ‘The Munch’ Munson.” You can’t believe your sharing any of this.

“That’s munch better than the original version.” Eddie jokes, laughing at his own joke. When you don’t laugh he ask, “Don’t you get it? Munch instead of much?”

“Yes I understand,” You laugh burying your head into his chest, cheeks red from embarrassment. His arms wrap around you, resting his head on yours before giving the top of your head a kiss.

[doylldonmagar]

So I saw @hermesmyplatonicbeloved 's post and had some thoughts. I agree and disagree. I am a percabeth fan but I also know that some of it is screwy, and if you are familiar with my blog, you know this. I think RR screwed up and wrote out a LOT of trauma, I think he really should have dealt with that better. I think it's not good that he wrote trauma and mental issues and abuse into the foundation of many characters and then has ignored it when it became convenient for the plot.

I would love to see specific quotes and books for these because some of them I have no memory of and would like to revisit them.

I'm gonna talk my way through all of this so I'm gonna text break here

The first point is Percy scaring her to tears. I can only imagine in Tartarus? Like when they're both in their worst state? I don't know. I agree they should have talked about it, but I think they should have talked about all of HoH, which brings me back to saying: Rick really failed at dealing with trauma and processing and long term effects. Honestly, being scared *of* him, yeah I agree that's bad, but is that the situation? If she's scared by his power, then I'm not sure of where I stand on this, I don't know anyone with demigod powers, but I don't think I'd be scared simply because I know someone is capable of hurting me. Plenty of people are capable of hurting me. Like I don't know, what situation is this?

"Percy has been suicidal the whole time annabeth has known him, in BoO Percy attempts suicide and annabeth said nothing, noticed nothing" I'd really like a page or quote because i remember him being suicidal but never attempting. (Im rereading what i wrote, is this maybe referring to percy deciding it would be better if he drowned when hes with Jason? If so, I thought the book said annabeth wasn't told that he wanted to give up) But really my bigger issue with this statement is the fact that it's not necessarily a bad relationship just because a person doesn't realize someone is suicidal, or if their suicidal thoughts are fluctuating. If he's been suicidal the entire time she's known him, how should she know? And why is it the girlfriend's job to stop him from suicide? Like yeah she should care, but that's not her responsibility. No one should feel responsible for a significant other's suicide unless they encouraged the SO to do it.

The judo flip, I agree, annabeth should have been more sensitive to Percy's past and again, I blame Rick for conveniently forgetting that an abused kid is not going to laugh or even take well to being thrown on the ground. This also reminds me of a post I made a while back, because I was so frustrated by media portrayals of women getting upset (usually worried) about another character and shaking them or hitting them or using some form of violence, and that's portrayed as acceptable and normal and as a sign of love. I'm not a fan of that.

"Annabeth likes to keep percy on his toes" this point, I want specific quotes, cause I'd like to go over it again. I agree this is funky. Percy says he feels more comfortable with annabeth and feels like he can talk to her blah blah, but yeah, I think I remember him saying she makes him anxious and that's a problem for me. Like genuinely, to anyone who reads this: if your SO makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, nervous, or unsafe, please reevaluate your relationship and be safe. That's not good. And back to percabeth, I'm really not sure why RR would say that.

Bringing up abusive stepfather. If annabeth didn't already know about Gabe...I don't know, that says to me that percy was too traumatized to talk about it, in which case, why can annabeth see it in his actions, his comments, his reactions? I don't know that either. But I do know that having met my fair share of traumatized kids, it's not at all uncommon for them to share trauma as a joke and for multiple kids to laugh it off, not to mention suicidal jokes or jokes about their own abuse. Now I want to be clear, I'm not saying that's healthy, I think that's bad, but I also think it's common. And if annabeth doesn't realize what he's really talking about, or is caught up in her own experience, or is uncomfortable, laughing is not an uncommon response. And I don't think that makes their relationship toxic. (And I'm saying it again: I think Rick wrote that so that people could say oh poor percy and feel strongly about how horrible the situation is, but he didn't want to get into the trauma, so by annabeth laughing it off, he can move on with the scene but include little details that show how bad tartarus is)

I don't remember any comments about poseiden, but I agree her interactions with Tyson are problematic. I have zero explanation or excuse, I really don't know what rick was thinking with that, unless it was maybe a way to signify how all halfbloods feel about monsters? (Now that I've said that, that kinda makes sense, if percy sees a monster who was his human friend, but everyone else just sees a monster who is just like the other monsters who have killed their siblings. But still. Annabeth saying he was gross was uncalled for, Rick could have said she was scared or concerned this was a trick or something, but disgust?)

I agree about Percy's unresolved trauma manifesting as fear of annabeth. I already commented on the judo flip, see comments above.

Percy absolutely has horrible self asteem. I'm not sure that's annabeths problem. Yeah she should support him in every way she can, but it's not her responsibility or anyone else's to make him feel better about himself. She should want to, and she should be positive and encouraging, but I don't think Percy's lack of growth is her problem or necessarily a sign of a toxic relationship. It can be, but I'm not certain it is in this case. I think, as I'm sure you know if you've read this much, Rick doesn't know how to write characters who are further along in their trauma- processing, healing, discussing- rick fails to deal with anything besides a currently traumatized kid and a unresolved but out of the directly abusive situation. (This is where I'd like to note, the whole seaweed brain thing, not funny to me, not cute. I'm not a fan because I do think that encourages negative self image. I am aware that that could be link to annabeths childhood, but again, I would expect her to be hyperaware of this sort of emotional abuse. And I blame Rick. Why does she never have her actual abuse mentioned?)

I don't recall annabeth pushing percy to choose between them. I would have said she had doubts about him still wanting to go to CA and he said that he regretted not being there for Estelle but didn't want to be without annabeth (which is kinda cute, kinda codependent to me, and I agree, codependency is not cute)

I would argue the last point "Percy has no interest in going to New Rome or University" is clearly false. In SoN (2nd book of HOO) Percy discovers there are full families living in New Rome, and how it's safe there, and he says multiple times that he wants that, how he remembers he had a girlfriend named annabeth and he wants her to be there and wants to be able to settle down *there*. And in ChaliceotG he's torn, because he does want to stay in New York for his mom and sister, but he really wants to be with annabeth and he loves new Rome. He says multiple times how he wants to go to New Rome. Its true, if the only reason he wants to go is for annabeth, that's a bit funky. But new Rome is the safest place for demigods, and he's been in wars for years, of course he wants that. And wanting to be out of school- okay? New Rome isn't just about the university, not to mention the New Rome university is focused on kids with dyslexia and adhd, obviously. So it will be tailored to him, his struggles are understood, accepted, and aided. Who wouldn't see the appeal in that?

And finally, I agree, that if a character or couple is going to have broad reach, they should be healthy. That's a problem i have with Colleen hoover and all her toxic relationships that have a large audience and are so loved by that audience. And back to this, I hate that the pjo hoo couples are so focused on in the books because fans always pay attention to the couples, but the focus amplifies them, and I think having a relationship be the main focus of a kids/teen/ya book sets up horrible mindsets, and idolizes relationships and all in all is not good for kids. Percabeth or not, healthy or not, I don't think the emphasis on relationships is good.

I might link some of my other posts that I mentioned or that address similar issues in the reblogs

[thefrogdalorian]

Hello! 

You may (or may not... I don't like to presume) have noticed my little break from posting. I just wanted to share something in case anyone was worried about me and assure you there is no need to be :) 

There isn't really one reason for why I've been on hiatus, but I guess a collection of things. 

I was really poorly with covid but thankfully I'm feeling a lot better now! But being so sick and stuck in I guess made me reevaluate certain things. 

Since recovering I got to see a lot of people I really adore with my whole heart, as well as being lucky enough to experience so many things I love with them.

And it made me realise what truly makes me happy in life. I suppose it really put things into perspective for me. I'm thinking more and more that tumblr (and being online generally) is something which unfortunately does not spark joy any longer. 

To be honest, (as I'm sure many people who were given far too much unsupervised access to the internet at a young age also do), I have a complicated relationship with social media. It doesn't make me feel good most of the time. I don't know how to handle some of the things I read and some of the things people have said to me. And just like I do irl, if the vibes feel off, I usually retreat into my shell to regroup. 

While I have made so many friends over the years of being chronically online and spoken to plenty of great people, I can feel myself getting drained again. And I really haven't missed it during the time I've been away.

I've filled my time with a lot of reading (I read Pride and Prejudice THREE times... doing amazingly), some writing and lots of long walks in nature. It's been really good for me!

As a result, right now, I just don't feel like continuing to post on this blog.

This decision wasn't caused by anyone or anything in particular. But when I've made my mind up about something, it's pretty impossible to change it. I've been mulling it over for a few days and my heart is telling me to go.

Anyway, I'm going to continue working on my WIPs and most likely continue posting them to AO3. It's by far the least social media-ish platform out there, and I really like posting on it. 

I need to take a step back to remember why I started writing, which was really as a way to get emotions out and to scream into the void a little. I don't enjoy sharing my work on tumblr, I kind of felt like I had to rather than genuinely wanting to. 

Truthfully, I just want to create and consume others' work in peace. I don't want to feel like I need to market my writing or whatever or compare myself to others. As much as I try not to, I think it's only human nature. 

So, I guess I'm really making this post to say I'll be going on a hiatus from tumblr. But I don't intend to stop writing or posting to AO3 and I hope to see you over there! 

I have no idea how long I'll be away for. Who knows... when winter comes around and my seasonal depression returns, or perhaps there is a major Mando update, maybe I'll return! 

For now, all there's left to say is how much of a pleasure it was posting about Mando and talking with you lot all these months. 

If anyone (mutual or otherwise) would like to keep in touch, feel free to message me for my discord! I'd be happy to continue chatting to you on there.

For me, in the headspace I'm currently in, one on one conversation is far less intimidating than being perceived by lots of people lol. 

I'll likely drop in at some point soon-ish and check for any of those messages, but until then, it's not a goodbye, but a see you later! 

Please care of yourselves and be kind to others :) 

Love,

Spud 🐸🩷

[ilovecupcakesandtea]

Chapter 1

Eddie paced back and forth, he wasn’t sure how he was going to start this conversation with Steve or how it was going to go? He knew it was an amazing opportunity but he couldn’t say yes without speaking to Steve. Would Steve think he was being too forward? Overstepping in the relationship. It felt like it had only been seconds since he had been home but he’s actually been pacing for about 40 minutes before Steve came home with Nova.

“Dada!!” Nova screamed as she wriggled away from Steve and ran towards Eddie, colliding with his legs. 

“Hey Eds. How was work?”

“Hey muffin, had a good day?” Eddie asked Nova “errmm yeah, work was ok. Can we talk about it please?” he addressed Steve 

“Of course. What’s up?” Steve asked as he sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to him.

“So, I’ve been offered a promotion” Eddie told him, sitting down next to Steve whilst fiddling with his fingers. 

“Sweetheart, that's great!” Steve said before noticing Eddie’s fidgeting. “Or not? Talk to me. What are you thinking?”

“It’s going to be longer hours, I’ll need to be there when the boss isn’t basically, which means you’ll have to look after little miss more some days. I get an extra day off in the week but my working days will be longer. It’s putting on you more than I already do. I can turn it down if we can’t make it work.”

“That wouldn’t be a problem at all as long as it’s not during my current work hours. I’m sure we can figure it out.”

“So, errmm,” Eddie started, standing up and pacing again. “The promotion comes with a bonus and a hefty wage increase. You could, errmm, as long as you wanted too obviously, like have a good think about it, you could leave your job. You could find something you really wanted to do, take an online course, or not if you didn't want to. Basically, this promotion would allow us to live comfortably without you having to work, if you didn't want to that is.” Eddie practically blurted. He was so good Steve could understand his ramblings. 

“As much as I would love that, I don’t know. I know we haven’t really talked about it but uh…” Steve paused, looking away from Eddie and rubbing the back of his neck. “What about our future? What if we want more kids or something? Me staying home wouldn’t really be an option then. I don’t want me not having a job to stop us from things we might want later on.”

Eddie stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Steve “You want to raise another one with me?” he asked, sounding small. 

“If you’d want to.”

“Who would be stupid enough to not want more kids with you?” Eddie asked, surprised that Steve would even consider him saying no an option. “But I feel we’re a little off track here, we need to discuss this promotion. If you want to quit your job and stay at home, we can afford it on my new wage. We can even put money up for the future you’re talking about and we can always reevaluate things when Nova goes to school.” 

“You like the idea of me being your little housewife?” Steve laughed.

“I’ll even buy you a little apron and some heels,” Eddie teased, sitting back down on the couch. 

“It would mean that I’d get more time with you since I wouldn’t have to sleep most of the time you’re home. How can I say no to that?”

“This mean I get to have more time in bed with you conscious?” Eddie enquired, pulling Steve into a kiss. “So is it settled, have I got myself a little housewife and I’ve become the alpha male that provides for his family whilst his wife is at home bitching with and about the neighbours?” 

“Do I not bitch about Susan enough already?”

“Yeah you do baby, its adorable” 

“Adorable? Yeah ok, sure.” Steve huffs and crosses his arms.

“Yes, adorable sweetheart” Eddie hummed kissing Steves nose.

Steve had been nervously planning for months. He had tried hard to think of something over the top but wasn’t sure that any of those ideas had really been something that fit Eddie. The plan wouldn’t have come together if it hadn’t been for Dustin. Without his help, Steve’s idea wouldn’t really have been possible. They secretly got together for a week before they started what Dustin insisted on referring to as ‘phase one’. 

Phase one started with Dustin telling Eddie that he had an idea for a one shot that he wanted to try. Dustin had been talking about how he had wanted to try to DM long before Steve even thought about planning. It was the perfect start so Eddie wouldn’t expect a thing. Dustin refused to tell Eddie anything about it but he agreed to play anyway. Phase two was a lot longer, Steve was trying hard to not be impatient to finally get to phase four but phase two was making it difficult. For a month Dustin would bug Steve everytime he saw him and Eddie was around about playing with them. Acting annoyed and uninterested was easier than he’d thought. When they had been planning, Dustin had suggested that they make a show of Dustin pretending to annoy Steve about playing so that Eddie wouldn’t expect anything when Steve sat down with them to play.

Phase three was one they had debated on when to start it. Steve had wanted to find a way to get Nova involved but he knew that if they told her about her part in all of it before that day then there was no doubt Eddie would find out. Nova had a bad record for keeping secrets. They had given up trying when she had told Steve about the small surprise party Eddie had been planning. Robin had agreed to come over and explain to Nova what her part was while everyone else was in another room. 

Now everyone was seated at their kitchen table, Dustin at the head of the table and to Steve’s right with Eddie to his left. At the start of the one shot, the party had been at a tavern where they heard several people complaining about their valuables and small farm animals going missing. They talked with the NPC Dustin set up for Steve to play who insisted on helping them to get back something he'd lost. After talking to the other villagers, they had decided to set up a trap and follow whatever it was with a small goat and the few things that had between them that appeared valuable. They ended up following a small dragon back to it’s cave. Robin knew that was her que and brought Nova out along with their arms full of toys and set them down in a pile to act as Nova's dragon hoard. 

“I know I’m not actually a player but can I still try talking to the dragon?” Steve asked Dustin.

“I’ll allow this once.” Dustin replied.

“Hi there little dragon.” Steve said as he knelt down to Nova’s level, only to be stared down by her. “Where’d you got all this nice stuff from?” 

“I found it.” Nova answered after Robin whispered in her ear.

“Oh really? The villagers will be happy to know you found it. They’ve all been wondering where their things went. I’m sure they’d be happy to get it back.”

“Nuh uh. It’s mine now. I found it.” Nova pouted. 

“Everyone will be so sad though.” Steve tried but only got a shrug from Nova in return. “Would you be willing to give me just one thing back then? I need it for something very important and I can’t do it without it.”

“Just one?” Nova asked.

“Yes. Just the one. I promise.”

“Ok.” Nova said as Robin handed her a small black box that she then handed to Steve.

“Thank you little dragon.” Steve smiled and ruffled her hair before going down on one knee next to Eddie. 

“Steve?” Eddie whispered.

“We’ve kind of did a lot of this backwards, moving in and having a kid together before we even really got together but I’ve loved every second of it. You and Nova have brought more life into this house than I ever thought possible. I can’t imagine my life without the two of you and I don’t want to. Will you marry me?”

“Say yes Daddy!” Nova cheered as she pulled Eddie’s arm.

"Roll for charisma" Eddie choked out, clearly holding back tears. 

"I'm sorry what?" Steve replied, flabbergasted, this was not part of the plan. 

"I believe he said you need to roll for charisma, we are playing after all" Dustin cackled. 

"Fine, I will roll for charisma" Steve sighed, rolling his eyes at them both. 

"Better be high or it's a no Stevie" Eddie pointed out, still teary eyed. 

Steve grabbed the D20 and rolled it, a 1 looked up at him and dread hit him all at once. Would Eddie really say no? Did Eddie not think he was being serious? How does he get out of this with an ounce of self respect left. 

"Oh baby, you should see your face. I'm sorry, I was being mean, of course I'll marry you" Eddie said, spinning Steve around and kissing him gently. 

"I hate you and I'm not doing that thing you really like for at least 2 weeks after that" Steve grumbled, kissing him back ,much to everyone's visible and audible response. 

"Congratulations guys!!" Robin shouted, rushing at them both and giving them a hug. 

Everyone else gave their congratulations and their hugs. Nova sat and played with her toys whilst the guys packed up for the evening and ate pizza. 

Eddie kept looking down at his ring, smiling to himself. Tomorrow he would go and buy one for Steve, it wasn't fair that only he got to visually display their love. 

[mongoose-bite]

I have found the best NPC. I love kobolds. Look at this stylish little guy! He's still got the weird dog nose they gave them for 5th edition but I am still delighted with him. I miss my kobold sorcerer. This is like seeing him for reals. Also, while I try to remain vague, there are spoilers unavoidable below. Shulkie don't read this.

So we finally get some answers regarding the prism. Now I know why it was confusing; there were multiple things inside. The only mystery now is why the Sharrans were after it. I tried very hard to kill the Emperor twice. Faye feels like eating the tadpole was the worst decision of her life, but eventually I took the hint and we still remain on its side.

Faye hates that manipulative thing, but I on the other hand am now pretty curious about a squid run. Ngl I always thought illithids were kind of hot, but my inner lorebeard was always 'no it would never make sense for them to fuck.' Thank you, Larian, for suggesting a way to reconcile these things. They're in that sweet spot between 'humans with a coat of paint' and 'what would even count as sex with a sentient rock half a mile across' where it's an interesting challenge, but you've got some places to start.

I, and Faye, still don't really believe its story, but there's no point accusing it of lying. So she humours it, but burned inspiration to keep herself from tadpoling further, and did not offer to hold its hand.

We arrive in Riverton and immediately I feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of NPCs chattering. I often don't like city areas in games. Too much going on. I got used to it after half an hour of mindlessly running around and eavesdropping.

Once we arrived in the city Faye started spending money like it was water; to be fair, I needed to gear up Jahira a bit, but a lot of it went on fucking around, metaphorically and literally, because while Faye would never have the nerve to take up the twins' offer by herself, Halsin had invited her out to the woods the night before, and he makes her adventurous, as long as he's with her. That did escalate quickly though, and then again when we went to the circus and aced the dryad quiz. Quicksave unnecessary. She has zero fashion sense and he doesn't see the need for clothes at all; they're fucking perfect for each other. They both project noble gravitas in public and are horny dorks in private. I am pleased with my pick.

What I think is interesting is the story Halsin tells you about his previous experiences with drow. Faye was just 'oh that's awful,' but Dyce would know the feeling. He's enthusiastically consented to things because his other options weren't that great. He'd get it, and probably reevaluate some things himself, which is frankly an impressive feat, because he doesn't do introspection much; these characters are so well-written. That experience might have been formative for Halsin, and feeds into how he approaches relationships, as much as he doesn't like the word. His 'feel free to make other people happy too,' would have Dyce all 'same hat!' as well, which was not something I expected from this character. Sluts with layers.

Speaking of bad options, I spent a good five minutes back and forthing on Raphael's offer before realising he'd told me where he kept Grabthar's Hammer, and luckily Faye was on the same wavelength. Have I also mentioned how much I love Laz'ael? Her 'why you make this difficult? But I think that's admirable' is adorable. Exchanging a queen for a prince feels like a sideways step rather than a forward one, but it proves she can move.

At the time it didn't occur to me that Raphael was talking about somewhere in the Hells, cause I am dumb, but I'm guessing one of his neighbours will sell him out, although who knows what she'll want in exchange.

Next stop, lower city.

[sashred]

Hey

Do you have any chenford fics that never made it on here or AO3? If yes, please share, cause you write them so damn beautifully and I can't get enough. Or if not, can you write a "chenford +multichapter angst"(desperately pleading)

Bless you

Hi! There is actually one thing I've never posted, and probably won't finish. Think...early season 2 cannon divergence where Tim reevaluates his relationship with Lucy after she left "those" things he said while thinking he was going to die of the plague out of her report. OF COURSE it's angsty, but this is prob all that will come of it. Might as well set it free lol.

Enjoy!

“So just like that, you’re giving up on me?  I break one small, stupid regulation to try and cover for you.  To protect you, and that’s it?  I’m suddenly not worth your time?” Lucy exclaimed, desperate for some kind of reaction from him.  Something other than the stoic façade, that demeaning roll of his eyes.

“Leave it, Boot.  I am not having this conversation with you.”  Tim shook his head, grimacing as he downed the last of his beer.

“Like hell you aren’t,” she yelled, ignoring the startled looks nearby customers were giving her.  “You won’t even look at me when we’re at the station, in roll call, and meanwhile the entire department is avoiding me like the plague.  Like I did something wrong.  Like I’m a problem.”

“They’ll get over it.”

“Yeah, but I won’t.”  Lucy pulled out the stool across from Tim and sat down.  She was hot with rage, anger.  It’d had been building since two days ago when he announced that Lopez was her new TO, that he was taking Jackson on as his boot, no questions asked.  No room for argument.  She wasn’t even exactly sure he did it because of how she left it out of her report – that he’d told her he would rather end things himself than go out like that poor bastard who’d died such a horrible death right in front of him. 

She might have made plenty of mistakes in her short time as a rookie, but that moment when he cornered her about it, when she lost her temper…was by far the angriest she’d ever seen him, and it made no sense.

She’d covered for him before, she knew about his problems with Isabel.  They bickered plenty, he was hard on her, and expected more from her than anyone else ever had, and yet there had always been a weird comfort in it.  A sense that he actually cared about how she did, about her training.  That he took it seriously.  Took her seriously.

And now?  He was treating her like she’d failed.  Like she was untrainable, that she wasn’t worth his precious time, and it made her damn furious.

“We’re done here,” he bit out, refusing to even look at her, digging bills out of his money clip as he stood.  “Thanks for ruining my night.”

“Ruining…what?  This sad little pity party you’re having?  Because that’s what it looks like.  Nursing a beer by yourself in a bar on a Wednesday night, alone, actively running away from the first person that talks to you?  Please.”

“Except this isn’t talking, Boot.  This is you attacking me and working your way towards getting your ass fired.”

 “Is that what you want?  Me gone?  Would that make life easier for you?  End up with a boot that doesn’t call you out on your bullshit?  Because I am not going to apologize for trying to talk to you like an actual human.  Just like I’m not going to apologize for covering for you.  Because it was the right thing to do, whether you accept that or not.”

“Move out of my way, Boot,” he closed his eyes, “before you end up saying something you’ll regret.”

“No…see I don’t think I’m going to respond to that anymore.”  Lucy crossed her arms and planted her feet.  “You lost the right to call me ‘boot’ when you gave up on me.  You want to ask me something, try using my actual name, Tim.”

“Would you stop saying – ” he huffed once, his words trailing off.  “Move, Chen,” he said again, his words tight, jaw tense as his pulse jumped out of his neck.  She was finally getting to him, and she couldn’t deny the small pleasure it gave her.  Lucy hated that this was what they were now, that she’d lost whatever progress they’d made in those months they spent together.  All over something that made no freaking sense.  She wanted to shake him, demand he just tell her every last thing that was going through his head, hound him until it made sense, because whatever was happening there, in that bar as he looked half-ready to toss her out of his way, she wondered if there was a way back from it at all.

She wondered just why in the hell it mattered so much.

“You really won’t talk to me?  I don’t deserve at least that much?” she said, softer this time.  She felt herself deflating, the stubborn set to his eyes and tense way he held himself all too familiar.  All too final.  She was the rock and he was the hard place, and a damn adamantium wall at that.

“Goodnight, Chen,” he said stiffly, walking quickly around her and out the door, the bell clanging harshly as it slammed shut behind him.

The anger rose again.  The hurt.  Lucy could never claim that she was at her most logical when she was upset, angry like that, and she wasn’t about to start, either.

“Yeah, you’re so not getting the last word,” she mumbled to herself, launching after him.  The door closed just as forcefully behind her as she jogged towards where his truck was parked, tucked into the back corner of the lot, the flickering streetlamp above barely illuminating his figure against it as he fought with his keys.

“Hey!” she shouted at him, the satisfying clink of his keys dropping to the pavement ringing out.  “I don’t care who you think you are, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be acting like this and I am not done with – ”

Lucy froze.  A foot between them, probably less.  Uncomfortably less.  His eyes were blazing, but anger wasn’t the right word.  There was something else in them as he stared down at her, something that scared the ever-loving hell out of her.

He didn’t even bend to pick up his keys, not that he would have had the room with how close she was.  His lips parted like he was going to say something, and she would have sworn his eyes softened fractionally.  Her stomach flipped, her heart was racing, and everything suddenly seemed exponentially more dangerous than they had only moments before. 

“Chen, I need to go,” he said lowly.  Licked his lips.  His eyes were darting across her face, drinking her in it seemed, and something finally clicked into place.

“Oh,” she answered softly, willing herself to back away from him and failing.  “I…yeah.  Yeah I guess you do.”  She crouched down, scooping his keys up, watching as his eyes followed her.  Widened as she rose slowly.  “Here.”

She shivered when his hand enveloped hers, taking the keys, holding her in place, his warmth seeping into her skin.

“I didn’t give up on you, Chen.  I just…I can’t be the one to get you there.  You’re better off with Lopez, trust me.”

“You’re wrong,” she responded flatly.  “And before you argue…I know she’s good at what she does, and I would learn plenty from her, but it’s not the same and you know it.  She won’t make me better like you do.”

“I think you’re underestimating her…”

“I know you’re underestimating yourself,” she cut him off.  “And me.”

“Chen – ”

“Lucy,” she cut him off, sighing heavily.  “My name is Lucy.  I’m not your boot, not a cop, not your trainee.  Not here.”

“You’re not getting it, Chen, you have to be.  This…us doing favors for each other, covering for each other…it can’t be like this.”

“Like what?  Like we’re human?” she scoffed.  “We’re not robots, Tim.  I’m not a robot.”

“And I’m not your TO anymore,” he said, voice raised again.  “Simple as that.”

She stepped closer, her neck craned as she stared him down, noting the half step he took backwards.  She curled her fingers, the moment of panic that crossed his gaze urging her on.  He didn’t need to be afraid of her, she didn’t want him afraid of her, but there was absolutely no denying the silent, deadly current running between them.  They’d both drown if she didn’t act, like find something better for them to lose themselves in.

“I know a place a little ways from here.  A real hole in the wall, cheap drinks and crappy food, but cops don’t frequent it.  You want to talk it over there?”

His eyes widened, mouth opening and closing as her words settled between them.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he finally managed, but the deer in headlights was fading.  Rolling into something darker, something that made her stomach clench and pulse quicken.

“Fine.  Then…we don’t have to talk.”

He was nodding, that dark gaze now traveling across her in a way that made her skin tingle.

“What’s it called?”

“The Red Baron.”

“I’ve heard of it,” he said.  “Over on the other side of town.  It’s a complete dive.”

“Yeah.  Nothing we’re used to going to.”  Or anyone they knew.  “Too much for you?”

That did it.  His eyes sparked at the challenge, his head tilting ever so slightly as he considered her.

“It’s not really…my thing,” he shook his head, but it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than her. 

“Not mine either.  But I think I’m willing to make an exception.  If you’re up for it.”

“You sure about this?” he asked, his voice low, tone softer than it had been.

“Yes,” she answered quickly, firmly.  “I’m sure.” 

“Fine.  I’ll meet you there.”

Lucy ordered a gin and tonic, and Tim ordered a whiskey, neat.  Sure, maybe hitting another bar wasn’t necessary, more a stall tactic than anything else, but she needed to be away from any prying eyes, and she needed that extra fortification to build her nerve.  Time to flick that switch in her brain.  She’d always thought Tim was attractive…hell it was a damn running joke in the precinct and everyone knew it.  And yeah…sometimes, late, late at night, and after a few glasses of wine, she could let her thoughts wander to less platonic situations between them, but this was the first time she felt such a visceral reaction to simply sitting beside him.

They didn’t talk.  Not when she came up and sat beside him at one of the spindly tables in the corner.  Not when she pressed the length of her leg against his and leaned into his solid warmth.  The waitress didn’t look twice at them as she took their drink orders and dropped a basket of stale pretzels in front of them, and there were enough people in there that she didn’t hover.  Lucy shivered when Tim brought his arm around her waist, his hand resting on her outer thigh, leaning his face into her hair, his lips at her ear as he breathed her in.

“So how are we playing this?”

“Playing what?” she asked, turning towards him.  His face…his damn lips were only inches away from hers.

“This,” he squeezed her thigh for effect, and she swallowed hard.

“Not playing, just…going with it.”

“What?  Like a one-time thing?  Scratching an itch?”

“You don’t have to make it sound so romantic,” she scoffed, and he squinted at her.

“So this bar is supposed to be romantic?  That’s what you’re looking for?  Because that’s not what – ”

He was talking entirely too much, the mood was slipping, and Lucy would be damned before she let her one chance to kiss him slip her by.  She didn’t have to move much for her lips to slide over his, stopping him mid-speech, relishing his surprised grunt – quickly followed by a soft sigh as she trapped his bottom lip between hers, his stubble rough under her palms.  They startled apart when the waitress clanked their glasses down, marginally louder than she needed to, and Lucy felt the blush rising in her cheeks as Tim cleared his throat.  He took a healthy swig of his drink before facing her again.

“So…it’s like that, then.”

Lucy paused with her glass poised at her lips.  “Like what?”

“You did say we don’t have to talk.”

“I’m…I’m sorry…” she said, placing her glass down and closing her eyes.  “Are you bothered by what I just did?”

“Not at all.  It was fine,” he shrugged, swirling the amber liquid in his glass.  “I guess I just figured, you being you, we needed to iron some things out first.”

She wasn’t sure what irked her more, the “you being you” comment or that fact that he’d just called her kiss “fine.”  Either way, the possibilities the night had promised only moments before now seemed to be fading, and quickly.

“Wow,” she said aloud, moving her leg away from his.  “I guess we’re even, now.”

“What does that mean?” he asked, his tone affronted.  It wasn’t supposed to be like this.  He wasn’t supposed to be like this, and disappointment settled in her stomach like a lead plate.  What were they doing?  What had she done?

“I think I should go,” she said, the words bitter on her tongue.  She thought she’d read it in him so clearly…the want, and it had woken something up inside her too…and no she didn’t want to pick it apart and talk things over in that dingy bar, she wanted to jump his goddamned bones and go from there, but now…

He pulled back from her, his expression hard and closed-off.  Yeah, they were done, and Lucy could only hope she hadn’t just obliterated the last of what he thought of her.  It stung, she was embarrassed, and if she sat another damn minute beside him the real emotions were going to start flowing.  It wasn’t until she snatched her purse up that he seemed to think he should say something, but she wasn’t interested.

“Lucy just wait a minute – ”

She tossed a few bills on the table.  “Drinks on me.  Enjoy.”  He stood up so quickly he almost knocked the chair over, but no one paid them any mind.  Certainly not Lucy, until she almost ran smack into him as he blocked her path, much in the same way she’d done to him earlier.

“Would you stop for just a minute?” he hissed at her.  “Look I already said this isn’t my thing, okay?  I don’t know how to do this.  I thought we were here to talk first.  I – I don’t understand what you need from me.”

 “How about maybe not insult me right after I – ” she waved her hand, clamping her mouth shut, the word “kiss” still to foreign.  Too loaded.

“It surprised me.  Maybe I had a bad reaction but I’m struggling here.”

“Then why did you come?  If it’s such a struggle then why in the hell did you look at me like that in the parking lot?  Why did you abandon my training, me after everything we’ve gone through these past few months?”

“I didn’t…I didn’t abandon you, I was trying to protect –”

“Yourself,” she finished for him.  “Don’t act like it was anything else.”

“Excuse you,” he sneered, “but you have no idea what my reasons were – are.”

“Then why not actually try some basic communication and tell me,” she said back.  “That’s all I wanted was a goddamned reason and you couldn’t even give me – ”

Lucy stopped talking when he took a step towards her, his hand grasping her upper arm as she was forced to take a step backwards, and another, and another until they were both in the short, darkened hallway by the bathrooms and a supply room. Tim kicked an empty crate out of her way, the noise startling her just before her back met the wall and he crowded in on her, his hand still firm on her arm as he brough the other to her face, tilting her chin upwards.

“You want a reason?” he breathed against her lips, her head beginning to spin as the reality of what they were doing, about to do and where stirring her insides until her core and chest clenched together.  She was dizzy with it, the want, but she managed a shaky nod before he closed the remaining distance between then, his mouth overtaking hers. 

[j-graysonlibrary]

The Xiang Chronicles: Book Two Chapter 34

Title: The Xiang Chronicles: Book Two

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 98k

Genres: Fantasy, adventure, drama, LGBT+

Available on: my website

Synopsis: With another Xiang in the mix, for the first time in history, Pangu decides to reevaluate his methods and his place in the world. Along with taking his little sister Heidi as his last disciple, he also chooses to take the more political path in his efforts to end the discord throughout the land—particularly within Terra. (And gaining favor from the handsome Lord of Ultimos does not hurt.)

Heidi butts heads with everyone in the group, save Raine, and tensions are higher than ever. There are failed love confessions, in-group fighting, and demons from Kira’s past but that all comes to a head when they meet a servant of Shakti who is more than what she seems.

Could it be that the Mistresses of Shadow are more nuanced than previously believed? Or that the strict dichotomy between light and dark are, perhaps, a touch exaggerated? That and more begin to plague Pangu’s mind and his faith wavers…

Full chapter 34 under the cut

Chapter XXXIV:

With the arrowhead behind them and a fire burning in the middle of their circle, Alf read out the letter he would send to Kuniser in the morning. He asked for feedback and any recommendations for adding information. It was a bulky letter, filled with to the brim with information and quite a lot of passion from Alf.

“See, that is a letter requesting an audience right there,” Heidi said, shaking a finger. She also smiled as she looked to Viren, seemingly forgetting that he was not the actual author of the note that called them to Ultimos.

The lord shook his head and switched direction entirely. “After our meeting with Lord Dio, I believe I will take Oli into Agni.”

He had not mentioned anything like it before and Pangu sat up straighter. “What? Why?”

“We talked before about how the lords in Agni could be valuable allies. I think we should attempt to secure both King Raime as well as whoever we can in Agni.”

“But…we can circle back. Together.” Pangu frowned.

Viren did not let his expression stop him from smiling. “Pangu, this will be faster—better in the long run. Besides, creating these ties will be necessary going forward. Just coming to Meala has taught me that I know a frighteningly small amount about this world. If I want my throne back, I need to do better. And that starts, for me, in building a better relationship with Agni.”

It made sense but Pangu still felt a twitch in his heart at the thought of parting again.

Then Baiya spoke, “My sister is in good standing with Lord Phay. I can send you to my family and they will lead you well.”

Viren gave him a grateful nod. “Thank you, Baiya.”

“So, we will go to Kyrie while you and Oli make for Agni,” Raine clarified, “Perhaps we can meet again in Kuniser if Lord Dio is approving.”

“What of Enlil?” Heidi asked, “Do we just let Merra stick her grubby hands all over our land and use them how she pleases?”

“I think Enlil is stronger than she realizes,” Pangu responded. He at least hoped it was the case. “If she struggles with them then we have even more time.”

“If she gets through us at all,” Idris said with his chest puffed.

“Careful, we do not want a war down here,” Alf warned. He had entertained, during several of their campfire meetings, the idea of “surrendering” to Merra but still working against her. It would cost lives of Meala people either way but that way there would be less bloodshed.

People of northern and central Terra knew little of the region anyway so they could still easily hide and host Pangu and his disciples at any time while playing Merra’s game. It was a risky gambit if they were found out but direct refusal could bring genocide.

Alf knew that but Idris liked to imagine their people would win in any war they fought. Heidi would often have to remind him, “You are not even a fighter, Boosha.”

“Urishka, you hurt me.” The man pouted.

Pangu watched them, past the crackling fire, and he felt his chest constrict again. “You know…” he licked over his lips, pausing in his sudden nervousness, “if any of you want out of this…you do not have to come with me. You can do whatever you want…”

“Where is this coming from?” Kira asked with a frown.

“Well…” he shrugged. “I am, technically, no longer Xiang and, likewise, you are not my disciples. Not really. So you have no duty-bound reason to stay. I would not blame anyone for leaving and taking care of themselves.”

Baiya was the first to speak up, grabbing his hand as he did so. “I would not leave you for anything.”

“Yes, you are still Xiang,” Raine seconded, “To me, at least.”

“I am not quitting after all this,” Heidi huffed.

Pangu’s eyes landed on Kira who had not said his piece yet. He watched him and leaned forward, expecting a similar sentiment.

“Pangu,” he finally spoke, a serious glimmer in his eyes, “You practically dragged me into this…there is no way you are getting rid of me now that I am here.”

He chuckled, relieved and happy that they all felt the same.

“Besides,” Kira continued on, “What the fuck else are we supposed to do? I mean, I guess Raine still has a job and Baiya can go back to being a momma’s boy but what would I do?”

Pangu snickered while Baiya tossed a pebble over the fire at him.

A crack, from the wood line, sucked the life out of the group and everyone turned to look at once. The noise was not a noise alone—there was a burst of energy that came through and it was distinct, especially to Pangu.

It was enough to suck the warmth out of his body, replacing his blood with ice and his heart with an impossibly heavy stone, sinking ever deeper into his gut. While everyone else looked around, scanning the perimeter of the woods for the threat, he froze and stared directly toward the source of power.

Slowly, the others followed suit, brandishing their weapons and tensing as the tree branches and shrubs shook, disturbed. Streaks of light emerged before the figure, themselves, made an appearance. Tall, donned in white, and faintly glowing, the intruder stood before them.

A few rogue leaves stuck to their raven black hair and beard but, other than that, they were untarnished. Kira’s eyes narrowed, instantly prepared to fight with Baiya right behind him. Heidi, despite her nerves, was a close third while Raine hoped that some sort of compromised could be reached all while gripping his trident with white knuckles. Viren stepped before Oli, shielding him with an arm while Alf opened and closed his mouth, never having seen the figure before but having quite a visceral idea of who they were.

“Zhu?” Pangu questioned and held up his hands, ready to throw a barrier over them all at a moment’s notice.

The oldest of his teachers smiled and briefly bowed his head. “Yes. I need to speak to you, Pangu.”

“No you don’t,” Kira countered instantly.

“Why are you here?” Heidi asked right after.

Zhu glanced between everyone, eyes sticking with each individual for longer than was comfortable before finally landing on Pangu. “As you can see, I am by myself. Merra knows nothing of this meeting.”

“I do not understand,” Pangu admitted and then shook his head. “Unless you are here to explain this plan of yours that she spoke of…I am not sure there is value in talking to you.”

He let his head hang and sighed. “It pains me to see you so hurt by my presence, Pangu.” When he looked at him again, he frowned. “Please, son, do not make this difficult.”

When his gaze flickered over to the others, Pangu felt his heart lurch into his throat. When it came to fighting, he did not know what Zhu could do, not really, so to challenge him further was dangerous.

With that in mind, he let his arm drop. “Fine. We shall talk.”

The last thing he heard was a muffled call of his name from everyone before he was transported to the tomb in the spirit realm. It felt even more dreadful and empty than the last time he accidently came upon it.

A few feet stayed between him and Zhu while the stone building, confined by ropes and spells, stood as their backdrop. The usual lilac of the sky grew a little darker and there was a rumble like thunder. Pangu did not even realize it stormed in the spirit realm but, he supposed, when he really thought of it, he could not see why it wouldn’t.

That was beside the point, however, and he did not linger on it. His eyes stayed focused on Zhu who had yet to blink. “I can guess what you want to talk about.”

“I am sure you can.”

Pangu frowned and shook his head. “I just do not know why you would come here to talk about it. It does not need to be said. It is obvious.”

“It is,” Zhu agreed, “Obvious, foolish, selfish…”

He flinched when he said the word ‘selfish’. “Everyone is selfish sometimes.”

A bitter smile reached Zhu’s lips and he clasped his hands behind his back. “No. Not everyone. The Xiang is not supposed to be. The Xiang is also not supposed to be a beacon of sin and ruin yet here we stand.”

Pangu bit down on his tongue. His mentor’s words were no longer cordial—there was poison on his teeth.

“You may think I am some evil puppet of Shakti now but I feel a similar disappointment when I think of you and your plans for this world.” He stood his ground. “What Merra told me was terrible and against everything you taught me. I just want to help the people of this world. I believed that was my purpose.”

“Your purpose,” a new voice entered and shook the ground. The sky darkened to a deep violet and streaks of pink electricity shot out in all directions, piercing clouds and striking the ground with a clap. Wind whipped up around them, blowing robes and hair in all directions. A shadow, like a giant in the distance, appeared on the horizon and Pangu took it in with horror.

He had never believed, in all of his life, that they would meet like this. It was supposed to be pleasant, serene even, and deeply enlightening. He was supposed to be filled with light and reverence—he was supposed to be happy right now.

He was supposed to be a lot of things.

“Your purpose,” he repeated with more gravel, his voice like the winds of a hurricane, “was to do as I say.”

Pangu’s insides felt hollow. He gulped and stared at the bust in the sky—at a loss for words.

He was bigger than the mountains in the distance, more defined than the clouds but also less tangible. His skin brought light back to the realm even if the sky around his head and shoulders continued to darken. Black hair, long and smooth, fell somewhere past where Pangu could see as did the length of his beard. A white band tied around his forehead—a much smaller symbol of his godhood than expected. The insignia on the band was difficult to make out despite the size of it since the glow from his skin obscured many of the details on his face.

Really, he looked almost identical to the Heavenly Princes but just larger and more severe. They were made in his image and carried a little piece of him with them so that was to be expected but the extent of their likeness still startled Pangu.

“Tiandi,” he finally said his name.

His eyes widened, bulged. “Do not speak my name so impudently! Bow! Meager yourself before me!”

Pangu could not. He kept standing and just stared.

Of all the stories he had heard of Tiandi, he knew he was a strict God and he had a high standard for manners and demanded respect but he had also always assumed he was like a warm but old-fashioned father. He imagined he would kindly ask him to correct his behavior if it offended him or offer praise for what he did find acceptable.

He did not think he would yell.

His mentors never yelled so why would Tiandi?

“BOW!” Tiandi bellowed and the realm shook, sending Pangu to his knees. When he stayed down there, getting his bearings, Tiandi muttered, “Better.”

Pangu felt the heat of tears prickle his eyes as he looked up. “What brings you here? To speak to me directly?”

That time, his eyebrows furled and the brightness of his skin flared around him, lapping about like flames. “Do not ask questions you know the answer to! You have sullied my name and my image. You have besmirched the title of Xiang for all eternity. You cannot possibly be ignorant of this!”

Zhu stepped closer and looked down at Pangu with an expression that read as sad but it was difficult to tell. He did not especially believe he knew any of them anymore.

“I tried, Pangu,” Zhu said and closed his eyes. “I gave you two chances to save yourself, to redeem your name in Tiandi’s eyes. He wished you dead the moment you chose that Chaaya for a disciple but me and the other Princes worked tirelessly to grant you leeway. And what do you do?”

Pangu tried to rise from his knees but he was frozen in place. A force, from Tiandi, was keeping in the kneeling position. All he could do was turn his head upward to meet his old teacher’s eyes.

“I was honest with myself…” Pangu tried, in vain, to hold back the tears. A few streaked down his face. “I wished to help the people…I have done nothing to help Shakti. I have done nothing to hurt the people…”

“Stop lying!” Zhu raised his voice, shaking Pangu to his core. He sounded like Tiandi now. “You keep saying this was all for the people but you and I AND Tiandi all know that is not true. You told the world you want to lay with men not for their benefit but because you wanted to! You chose your disciples by your feelings alone—one because you found him attractive! Every decision you have made has been selfish and childish! I should have been a better parent to you, I really should have been. I let you get away with far too much and allowed you to become too full of yourself.”

Pangu’s tears fell to the rock under him, some bouncing off and others soaking into the surface right away. He shook, his muscles aching under the strain of his position as well as their desire to flee. But, of course, he still could not.

“Merra will take your place,” Tiandi spoke with a voice that was softer and filled with less anger and more purpose. “We will do our best to erase your existence from the people’s mind and let this failure be a memory only for us so that we do not make the same mistakes again.”

Failure. Erasure. Mistake. Pangu’s vision blurred and his skin chilled. He could not even speak. He suspected Tiandi sealed that ability as well.

“Zhu will take your soul away from this world and I pray to never meet you again.”

Pangu tensed, using all of the energy he had in him to try moving again. He cried out, in his mind, but on the outside he remained quiet and bowed as if in penance.

His eyes focused on his right hand and he collected his energy there, enough to move his index finger. A shot of excitement was quickly followed by a shot of pain.

A sharp slice came first and then a blunt pressure all through his chest spread like wildfire. He was not sure if he was breathing or not before but he knew now that it hurt to. His lungs must have been torn open by the spike of rock jutting through his middle. His heart, too, was smashed.

Pangu kept awareness for an excruciatingly long time. It had to have been minutes where he remained, on his hands and knees, screaming internally but only letting out blood from his mouth. More tears fell from his eyes, joining the splatter of red and the realization blossomed in him just as his consciousness began fading.

He would not be going back.

He did not even get to say goodbye.

***

It had been too long—the sun was already rising. Everyone fanned out, even the villagers as they started to rise for the morning, and they searched the perimeter on the off chance that Pangu had reappeared somewhere farther away.

The disciples and Viren met back at the arrowhead, exhausted and fearful. No one had found him.

“Are they keeping him in the spirit realm?” Raine asked despite knowing that no one knew the answer.

“They can’t,” Baiya replied, not hiding his frustration.

“I’ll kill that bastard when I see him,” Kira grumbled, “I don’t care who he is.”

Viren watched them all with a furrowed brow and a frown. He was not sure if anyone else felt the sinking sensation he did. All he knew was that he could not stomach it much longer.

“Look!” Heidi’s sudden shout, brought with it a spike of energy.

Right where the old man had left from, his form started to take shape again. The sun kissed the back of his white robes as he appeared, arms full of a long roll of fabric. It dipped in his hold and the disciples held their breath.

“Where is Pangu?!” Kira demanded.

“Silence,” Zhu boomed before removing one hand to pull forth the fabric, revealing a body underneath. “If you do not cease your crusade against the Xiang Merra, you will meet his same fate.”

He dropped the body to the ground and there was almost no need to have a closer look but without seeing, with their own eyes, they might not have believed it.

Heidi was the first to scream and Viren covered his mouth, dropping to his knees and trembling. Raine walked slowly forward, his heart pulling down to the depths of his stomach while Baiya collapsed at the side of the corpse. Cries, yells, the calling of his name—“Pangu!”

Kira could not make a sound, however. He could only stare at the lifeless body of his companion. His best friend. What was before him reflected what was within.

A coldness.

A darkness.

An emptiness.

The grief was overwhelming and loud and visceral but it would not wake Pangu. It would not bring him back.

[theway-itwas]

20230906

to you:

i've been doing a lot of reflecting.

i've been in this state of hindsight for a couple days now. all i can seem to do is think. i think about everything that was, that could've been, and that i wish had never been. it's the most excruciating process, and yet, i continue to come out of it stronger and wiser than before.

somehow, though, it always circles back around to you.

i've been hurt many times, but nothing has ever cut me quite as deep as you. the heartbreak and rejection could never compare, because you? you killed me.

because of you, i had to reevaluate everything. i had to rebuild my entire life--to pick up the pieces and reinvent everything i've ever known. my perception of everything changed because of you. the way i view relationships, people, and myself were shattered because of you. the venom that dripped from your lips still courses through my veins.

the fact that, even now, hearing your name stings, says everything i can't put into words. every misstep and mistake i have ever made in my relationships can be traced back to you. you destroyed me.

i was just a kid, you know. that innocent 15 year old girl that you crushed in the palm of your hand just wanted to be seen. she just wanted to be desired and needed. she wanted so desperately to have something to cherish, and she never deserved what you did to her. being the age i am now, just a little bit older than you were at the time, makes it all the worse. how did you do it? why did you even consider taking advantage of a naive child who didn't know any better? and why did it have to be me?

i don't remember the specifics anymore. not a single day nor a conversation sticks in my head, and perhaps that's for the best. but what i do remember all too well is the feeling. the feeling of blind euphoria, being noticed by someone, and through a smokescreen, being treated like the most precious thing on earth. i also remember the feeling of confusion, wondering why you suddenly stopped calling. and the feeling of my innocence being ripped out of my very soul. the worthlessness that came after you threw me away. i was a child. i didn't know any better than you.

the worst part is, for years i defended you. my brain still foolishly finds ways to defend you; to my friends, to you, to myself. i tried to justify what you did to me because i was "in love" with you. i tried to comb through every small and minute detail to find the silver lining in just one thing--to look for anything less than horrific. and yet, i still look back on those days with sheer terror in my eyes.

you were an adult. you knew better. you chose to pursue a 15 year old, a child who would tell you about high school drama, while you pleaded and begged for things a child should never have to give an adult. you broke me into submission, and all i knew at the time was that i wanted and needed to please you. we were intimate, i sent you pictures that i shouldn't have even thought about taking, and you enjoyed it. it was vile, the ways you crafted your perfect fantasy out of an incomplete mold. you manipulated and coerced me into being obsessed with you. i was a lost puppy, desperate for you, and you were a fiend hungry for power. you used me until you didn't need to anymore, and left the shards of an innocent little girl who couldn't for the life of her figure out what exactly she did wrong.

i struggled, and still do, with loving because of you. loving myself, loving others, trusting anyone. at 15 years old i had to cry on the bathroom floor, utterly destroyed, wondering why i wasn't good enough. i turned to substance abuse and developed an addiction that could've easily gotten me killed. i had to sit and watch while you berated me and made fun of me with your friends--a group of adults bickering with a child. i didn't know then that it wasn't my fault. i didn't know then that i never had a choice, and that i didn't do anything wrong.

i hope being your forever kept secret haunts you. i wish i could sit here and say i forgive you, and i understand why you did what you did to me. but i hate lying, primarily because of you. i refuse to lie to myself any longer.

i hope the thought of me keeps you up at night. i hope you live in constant fear that i could jeopardize your career, your friends, and every relationship you will ever have. i hope you lay on your bedroom floor and hysterically sob at the thought of every single atrocity you committed to an innocent child. i hope dread washes over you every time you conveniently skip over the time you spent stringing me along when you talk about your exes with anyone who asks.

i know you don't, and you never will, but i hope someday you realize the value of the life you nearly ended.

i have never once gotten an apology, or even an acknowledgement from you. i deserved it then and i deserve it now, but it will never come. so many of my faults are deeply rooted in my time that was shackled by you. i just hope one day i can break free of the chains you still have me locked in.

with any luck, this will be the last time i ever have to utter your name.

you destroyed me, sydney. and in a desperate attempt to reclaim everything you stole from me, i wrote you this. though you will never read it, i will know that everything i have ever wanted to say to you is here.

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 1a

*Warning Adult Content*

Built like a Gladiator - Part 1

- Everett -

Having hot and smutty sex with a man whose criminal record is longer than both his arms combined has recently jumped to the top of Everett's bucket list.

It's all he can think about while getting dressed for his date tonight with Shaun, a member of some motorcycle club.

Tonight marks their seventh hangout, yet another opportunity for them to dive deeper into the fiery connection that's been growing between them.

Everett is finally ready to go all the way with the foul-mouthed biker and he can't wait to get to the part of tonight where Shaun takes him home and fucks him into oblivion.

"I'm going for 'fuck me in the backseat of your car' vibes. What do you think?" Everett steps out of his bathroom and back into his bedroom, preening for Alissa and Michael.

"Leave it on or change into something else?"

Alissa gives him a double thumbs-up in high approval.

"If I weren't a raging lesbian and also your best friend, I'd totally have a lady boner right now."

"God, why are you like this?" Michael rolls his icy blue eyes while chuckling.

"The choker is a bit much, though. We're not going to a kink club, so maybe you should save that for another day."

He rarely goes above and beyond with how he dresses, especially when it comes to impressing a man that he isn't serious about but tonight, he pulled out all the stops, a red leather jacket, a fitted white crop top, high-waisted fishnet tights beneath black torn skinny jeans, and black combat boots.

If this look doesn't get Shaun's dick hard, Everett may have to reevaluate their relationship.

"Hey, your phone just went off with a new text," Alissa shouts from the bedroom.

"Want me to read it? I'm trying to be nice but I also don't want to be surprised with a dick pic."

"We haven't even gotten to that level yet, so you'll be fine. Open the message," Everett laughs.

"It's probably Shaun. He told me he'd be picking me up on his motorcycle tonight. He usually takes me out in his truck, so this will be my first ride. That better not be him texting to cancel on me..."

"Nope. Just him reporting he's about fifteen minutes out," Alissa says. "How do you want to respond?"

"With a few suggestive emojis, please." Everett smirks at his reflection in the mirror.

"I want him to know how excited I am about tonight."

Everett, despite being twenty-four years old, still gets carded at clubs and bars.

With his light brown eyes, short curly brown hair, pouty lips and freckle-kissed face, he'd once despised looking younger than he was.

Nowadays, he exploits it, especially when he's trying to worm his way out of trouble with his parents.

It isn't easy having them as roommates.

That's why he looks forward to the end of summer when he can return to college with his best friends and complete his bachelor's degree.

The only rules he'll have to follow are those he makes for himself.

Until then, he's stuck in a 70s-styled basement and is forced to abide by his parents' eleven o'clock curfew.

"Thanks again for coming out with me tonight. Figured I'd need backup in case things go south with Shaun." Everett joins his friends on the bed, settling into the center.

"He really hyped this club up, so I hope it lives up to the hype."

"Well, I'm excited to finally meet your bad boy biker and maybe soon-to-be boyfriend," Alissa grins, wriggling her eyebrows.

"Feels like he's all you ever talk about lately."

"No surprise there. Everett wears his heart on his sleeve and falls hard for damn near every hot guy he dates," Michael teases.

Everett laughs, playfully shoving Michael.

"Fuck you for reading me off."

"At least Everett is out here getting some action, Mikey. What exactly have you been doing in these streets?" Alissa asks, tossing her chunky faux locks over her shoulder. Michael's pale cheeks flush with embarrassment as he remains silent.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, pretty boy."

Everett stares at his friends in adoration, a warm smile spreading across his face.

"I don't know what I'd do without you idiots."

When Shaun arrives to pick up Everett, Alissa and Michael head out shortly after they depart.

"Hold on tight, baby," Shaun hollers over the roar of his motorcycle, a thrilling rush of adrenaline pumping through Everett's veins as they weave through traffic.

The world flies by in a vibrant blur, a sensation of liberation unlike anything Everett's ever experienced before.

"You doing okay back there? I can slow down if you're scared."

"Who's scared? I'm having fun," Everett refuses to submit to fear.

He welcomes the danger instead, laughing and feeling high off the buzz the ride has produced.

"Go faster."

"You sure?" Shaun asks, his voice infused with the hint of a smile.

"Hell yeah. Show me what you can do."

Everett grips Shaun tighter around the waist when the bike charges forward even faster.

Shaun handles the steel beast like they're filming the money shot in a Hollywood movie, expertly navigating through cars of various sizes.

Everett can't stop his mind from racing alongside the scenery.

He can't help but envision a life of chaotic escapades with Shaun, gradually becoming addicted to the fear and excitement that comes from dating a biker.

Doing reckless shit will become Everett's new normal.

He can already imagine waking up next to the sexy blonde every morning, the two of them going on to have tons of law-breaking adventures.

Everett can also imagine how dark his life would become after the fun and games ended.

He can't deny the allure of Shaun's I Do What I Want lifestyle but he's also smart enough to know he isn't built to be someone's ride or die bitch.

Then again... could Shaun be worth it?

Could Everett really adapt to the biker's dangerous way of living?

Could he really embrace the daily peril that comes with dating a man whose enemies probably shoot first and ask questions later?

The thoughts ring loud in his mind as the city lights blur into streaks of neon around them.

Everett frowns from behind his helmet when Club Inferno materializes in the distance about twenty minutes later, his brief reality check and the bike ride officially over.

"A lot can be told about a man from how well he handles his ride."

Shaun places Everett's helmet on the handlebars after they park and climb off the bike.

He then pulls Everett in close for a kiss that nearly wakes up the head between his legs.

"Give me a letter grade, baby. How'd I do?"

"A+ for sure," Everett says with a smile.

"I'll take that."

Shaun laughs.

He grabs Everett's hand and leads the way into the club.

Shaun never talks about The Jackals, his MC according to the patch on his cut, with Everett.

The man's role in the club remains a total mystery to Everett but Shaun's reputation seems to precede him, affording him and Everett easy passage past the line of people outside and past the bouncer.

The attention they garner once inside the club is akin to celebrity status with stares and whispers floating in their direction as numerous eyes lock onto Shaun.

"When were you planning to tell me that you're Mr. Popular on this side of town?" Everett jokes as they reach the bar.

Shaun gives him a puzzled look.

"I don't follow."

"Dude, you were the center of attention as we were walking through the crowd. How did you not notice all eyes were on you?"

"I never pay much attention to that shit. Means nothing to me."

Their conversation stalls as the bartender arrives to take their orders, a virgin mojito for Everett and a beer for Shaun.

They continue their casual conversation, debating Shaun's popularity, until Alissa and Michael arrive and grab a seat.

Shaun works his magic wooing Everett's friends for several minutes, then he excuses himself to answer a call.

"What's the verdict, horn dog? You going back to his place tonight or what?" Alissa yells over the loud music.

"It's leaning that way," Everett responds.

"He seems cool enough but you should still be careful around him," Michael chimes in. "I get bad boys are your thing but he's clearly way past that."

"Promise I'll be careful," Everett says.

"I'll admit, I have my doubts..."

"Oh my God, I love this song," Alissa shrieks.

She hops out of her seat and grabs the closest thing to her, Michael, before running to the dance floor.

"Move your ass, Everett."

"I'll be right there. I just need to find Shaun first.

[howshouldiknowboutlife]

I know this post is about comments, but the attitude also reminds me of the disclaimers i see a TON on fics with #problematic pairings.

Ill go into a fic specifically bc it mentioned a spicy ship and am IMMEDIATELY struck in the face in the authors notes with a "I DO NOT CONDONE THESE TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS IRL" and i become a thousand times more exhausted and have to decide if i want to continue on with a fic that the author is almost shaming me for liking.

And i know its not always about the author shaming the readers (clearly the author enjoys the ship too or they wouldnt have written it), and its more about the author trying to PREVENT criticizing and harassing comments from people who Dont like the ship and decided to crucify them for daring to write something less than wholesome about fictional people.

(Purity culture is its own massive can of worms that i dont need to b getting into here but god its a mess)

And like, my thoughts are twofold:

1) commenters and antis absolutely shouldnt be going into peoples fics and criticizing what theyre writing (for free and for fun!!). And certainly not to the extent that authors feel like they need to yell upfront and center about how "no no no im one of the GOOD ones, i understand that this isnt healthy!" Like they need to rub sheeps blood on their doorway to keep the demon plague away from their firstborns.

2) i really wish authors would stop doing this because in all their effort to declare that theyre not fetishizing or romanticizing or endorsing a problematic dynamic etc etc, to show that the author is one of the Good Ones who understands that this is Bad and Unhealthy dont @ me please anon commenters 🙏...

...In all their doing that, theyve wrapped so far around that now theyre pointing the accusing finger at their allies and i, the enthusiastic reader of their problematic ship, am being forcibly reminded that people think my enjoyment is a Bad Wrong thing and that i should feel Bad Wrong for enjoying it and that there are people out there who would tell me to kms over liking to imagine certain fake people doing fake things.

And it makes me stop every time and reevaluate if this is a fic i actually want to read - is an author who thinks what theyre writing about should be defended before its even had a chance to be experienced, who maybe thinks that my shameless enjoyment is Wrong, going to write a fic that thematically tells me i shouldnt be happy about reading this? Or will it just be the work of an author trying desperately to say the right password to make people not send them hate messages in the comments?

I know typing all this up on a reblog isnt going to change much of anything (and maybe should be its own post? Idk i dont actually post or reblog comment much - op if u take issue let me know and ill change things), but god yall... be PROUD of your work. No matter what that work is. Dont let people SHAME YOU into hiding or turning against your own allies just to fit the norms. (Does this align w a lot of other fights queer people have and are having to make in society rn? Yes. Hmm wonder if theres smtn to that.........)

Anyways moral of the story is: YKINMKATO (your kink is not my kink and thats okay), DL;DR (dont like; dont read), Golden Rule (treat others how you want to be treated), and If you have nothing nice to say - dont say it at all.

Fic Writers: You Need No Justification

I’ve had a few noteworthy incidents recently with the way readers have chosen to engage with my fic.

First, an early TLDR: Fic writers, you are under no obligation to justify either yourself or your writing choices to your readers. Ever.

There may come a day when a commenter thinks they can say whatever they like, without any care as to how that might affect you. They might, possibly, even be hoping to get a reaction. When that happens, I want you to remember that this commenter Is not your audience. 

And you don’t have to let them walk all over you. 

Recently, a commenter chose to disagree with my characterization and relationship dynamic choices, starting with a dismissive “Naah” and saying “I don’t like this idea that…” and “I don’t like this {character}…” and “I am sad now…” and “I can’t continue.” 

And I chose to tell them to back off. Firmly. Then I got a response that really concerns me.

Name is hidden for no reason in particular. Because it’s a throwaway name anyway.

First of all, this commenter folded as soon as I showed I wouldn’t cater to them. Second, the fact that this person comments anonymously with “random names” is a dead giveaway that they know their behavior isn’t above board, and that having it traced back to them would be less than fun for them. 

I also had another commenter recently who willfully chose to ignore tags, triggered themself, and left a comment about how upset they were. Similarly, I reminded this person that they chose to read the fic and recommended they make healthier choices for their own sake. 

So once again: As a fic writer, you don’t have to cater, you don’t have to placate, and you don’t have to justify yourself.

(Note: The threads are frozen already, no need to go searching or get involved.)

[junkbbykow]

💎🎠🎀 𝒫𝒜𝒞 - 𝒞𝒶𝓇𝑒𝑒𝓇 𝒜𝒹𝓋𝒾𝒸𝑒 & 𝐹𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓃𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁 𝒰𝓅𝒹𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓈 🎀 🎠💎

Collab with @daarlingdatura! This PAC is all about the current state of your finances and what is coming just around the corner for you love bugs 💐

Visit my newest reading ‘Ur That B*txh’

Please like, reblog, follow me and @daarlingdatura for more 🤑

PILE 1 - Knight of Wands | Queen of Pentacles

Pile by @junkbbykow

There’s obviously something you want. Bad and you are move towards it with speed. Don’t forget your manifestations are already yours and it is okay to rest, have fun, and so on.

Doors are opening and it’s up to you to walk through them! I made a post about this that I think y’all should check out here!

This project ignites passion, spontaneity, and creativity in you that people can only dream of. Like I said before REST and also evaluate the opportunities with the rose tinted glasses off. Rushing into things can have consequences down the line.

With the queen following this energy, this venture is your BABY. Put your love, energy, and time into this, but I don’t need to tell you this. This opportunity is bringing in stability and security which is probably why you’re going so hard for it. Send gratitude out into the universe and share this stability in the present. Being kind and loving always comes back ten fold. But before you nurture others, nurture yourself!

I see this project leading to A LOT of abundance and coming into your power. Y’all are entrepreneurs, artists, or something. You have an incredibly forceful energy and you are busting down doors and making this world (or industry) yours for the taking. Trust yourself. Believe in who you are and what you have to offer.

I pulled a song for you and all I have to say is don’t let people leech off of you or your success. Sometimes people have to do work for themselves in order to reap the benefits. You probably love these individuals but me mindful of needing to create your own abundance and manage it for longevity. ALSO, please reevaluate some of these relationships. They may not be as loving as you think, but that’s for you to decide. Nobody has the power to stop your success you can only give them the power to. (I an OF COURSE not meaning in a systematic oppression way more on a 1:1 basis) Have a mind of matter perspective 🐬

Visit my masterlist for exchange and paid readings 🪩

PILE 2

Pile by @daarlingdatura

There's a lot of information here. It seems like a lot of you have felt overwhelmed and bogged down by your current job or financial situation. Hold on tight though, it's time to start preparing for transition. I see here that although your current situation may feel drab or unlucky there is some kind of abundance hidden amongst it all. It's clear to me some of you can be rather ungrateful for the stability you've developed for yourself, you may forget to appreciate everything you've cultivated. Constantly living from a mindset of lack and disadvantage. When in reality your situation is just going through a change rn. I know the stagnance has been intense, and I feel like some of you could get a job offer from a parent? I'm gonna say really rationally think through if that's healthy for you. Some of you should take the offer and other's shouldn't. Don't put yourself or your livelihood at risk any further. A lot of you may not realize but if you just hold on a little tighter and keep pushing some form of recognition is coming for you. I really do feel like someone could've done work on some of y'alls money and livelihood? If you seem to have horrible luck with money and always be in a situation then it might be time to do an uncrossing and reflect on your relationship with money. Anyways, a lot of you have been feeling a need for public recognition and I do feel it's coming. Whether it be praise for your change in work ethic and taking things more seriously. Or on a more personal level with art and creativity. If you're in hot water at work you may be able to appease to a grandmotherly type figure by taking things on very seriously and just being sure to upkeep a calm home environment. Many of this pile is in big need of personal responsibility and accountability. There's a tendency to blame others or not want to be real with oneself. all in all, know that everything happening right now can and will get better. If you have been the main breadwinner a bit of stress may be relieved off of you. You need to put more energy into recognizing and releasing your flaws so that you can become a better version of yourself. The star popped up in this reading, but it seems like you are lazy and don't really recognize or put energy into this star power. What you may not see for those of you in a relationship is that a continued better attitude towards your connection on both ends will bring in more money, success, comfort, and even artistic recognition. Collaboration may be a key here, someone could end up making a mixtape or album that goes viral or gets very popular under some kind of moniker with their partner.

Okay so the Financial advice part I am going to channel. Please do an uncrossing, because someone is really betting on your financial downfall right now. For some of you it could be the aforementioned parent who wants to give a job offer. If you do this money uncrossing, you may find there is a great amount of hidden abundance and even some lenience popping up for you guys. Many of you may run across an even better job offer or opportunity that pays you properly and is significantly less stressful. It's just really important here for you to put protections around your money, finances, home stability, and relationship.

If you'd like a more personalized look at this situation hit me up for a 15$ branch off reading.

PILE 3 - Chariot | Ten of Cups

Pile by @junkbbykow

Your career or the next level of it is on its way to you! I feel like maybe you feel as if there was a certain inheritance or something you worked extremely hard for that you never received the fruit of your labor for. It was either delayed or something much more abundant than the typical inheritance is going to come to fruition.

You are special and that comes with hardships but also great abundance. I know your tired. Rest, conserve energy so that when the moment strikes and that opportunity knocks on your door, you’ll be ready.

Lmao I just heard a gunshot and it seemed kind of like an off to the race’s energy. You’re in the energy of carboloading, stretching, and mentally preparing yourself for this next race. Be prepared for obstacles but nothing obscene or out of your capabilities 🐅

Remember this is a race, not a chase. What you are manifesting is already yours. You’re waiting on your moment to act on it.

The race leads to HEAVY abundance. You’ll be able to rest and enjoy the the beauty of the universe. Connect with this energy by meditating in nature or reflecting daily on the aspects of your day that brought you joy in peace.

You’re tired I get that but don’t quit when you’re so close spirit is right there with you to make SURE you pass the ‘finish line’ 🍁

You’re going to recognize you have power for a different reason ‘See I’m fiercer now. I got a job. I got an education, and I got someone waiting at home for me gahd damit.’ You hold your power nobody or anything else use it as you see fit babes 🥮

Visit my masterlist for exchange and paid readings 🪩

PILE 4

pile by @daarlingdatura

Hello Pile 4, I'm seeing these are my people who may own their own business or be spiritualists/readers. You're on fire right now, and I see that you've been making a lot of moves and advancements towards a better future. An offer is still coming, many of you may have gotten downloads about this offer or opportunity. It's just on hold for a bit, there are circumstances around you that are kind of creating a situation in which you need to go into hermit mode right now. There could be someone actively trying to meddle with you Pile 4. Many of you could also be drawn to pile 2 or have a partner experiencing what is happening for pile 2. You're being asked to shed what keeps you from bringing n the abundance you're really seeking. The water is hot right now, but by making sure not to share your plans, ideas, motivations, or energy with anyone outside of yourself, your relationship, and your obligations you should be okay. It's important to keep fighting, just have faith in your future and know that you will be okay no matter what. You don't need to do an uncrossing like pile 2. As much as you need to posting nothing personal on socials, up your protection, and if you also relate to pile 2 or your partner gets pile 2 they need to do an uncrossing like seriously badly. Balance is coming, the fruits of your labor are paying off. Don't worry, just keep fighting and pushing.

Try not to give money to other people right now or share money. It's important you hold onto everything you've got. Don't share your finances or your situation with anyone, keep it all extremely private. Consider not even telling anyone in your direct vicinity including partners. You are trying to make something blossom, transmute the shit other people send your way. It's really important that everything is kept private and well put together. You may need to bite off more than you can chew rn to make ends meet. So if that means temporarily lowering prices or coming up with new and improved methods of making money then do that. There is abundance on the other side, I realize you've been hearing this for so long. You just have a few more things to be put in order. I'm sorry it keeps getting delayed pile 4. Best of luck, please keep faith and know that in the end you will be happy and blessed.

Thank you for reading! Please follow @junkbbykow and @daarlingdatura for more :)

[spookiekewchie]

⛓kinktober 2021- cum marking⛓

—as long as you know who you belong to...

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Characters: Frank Castle x woc!reader

Summary: The one where mouthing off at Frank has consequences.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: language, frank grabbing reader by the throat, name calling, unwanted touching (not from frank), dry humping?, orgasm denial, cum marking, implied future smut

A/N: Day two of kinktober is going out to all my Frank hoes out there. Hope yall enjoy this filth lmao. Pardon any errors or typos please. The divider is by @firefly-graphics

DO NOT repost or translate my work anywhere. Reblogs are always welcome, and let me know that you enjoy my fics.

The sound of a vase crashing to the floor in your living room tells you that you have an unexpected guest. Judging by the grunts and grumbled curses coming from a man, you already know exactly who it is. You sigh, not pausing as you finish fastening the ankle strap of your heel in place before you grab the gun from your dresser and wander into the living room to confirm your suspicions.

Frank Castle is standing in your living looking irritated at the broken vase. Any other day you might have been excited to see him, but not tonight. Not when it’s been three weeks of radio silence and you’ve had time to reevaluate the relationship...if you can even call it that. For all you know it could just be sex with him, but you’re not even really sure about that on the worst of days. It doesn’t help that when he’s with you, whether it’s a week or month at a time he does everything a lover should. It’s hardly fair you think, you don’t know where you stand, you just know that you want him...wanted. You remind yourself that three weeks is too long and you’re pissed about it. Especially when you think about all the times you let your social life suffer because you were more concerned with waiting around just in case Frank showed up. Well you’re determined to put an end to that, your friends want to go out tonight and you already promised them that you’d show.

Unless Frank was hurt and needed your help, pissed off as you are you know you won’t leave him bleeding and injured.

Judging from the lack of stab and bullet wounds Frank isn’t hurt. “What do you want?” You know what he wants, and when he looks at you with a gun in your hand, and wearing a tight little dress that is almost a touch too short, and showing off more of your warm brown skin than he likes, it cements it. The man damn near swallows his tongue at the sight of you, and briefly you smirk. You still got it, and it’s fueling the petty desire to rile him up before you leave him to go see your friends.

“Actually, don’t answer that. I know what you want Frank, and I’m too busy for you tonight. I have plans.” You tell him, picking up your purse and slipping the small handgun into it. A gun that he insists you carry with you when you go out, for your own protection. Maybe he does care. A little voice chimes in the back of your mind before you quickly silence it.

“You wanna tell me what this attitude is about?” Frank questions, clearly not pleased and doing his best to not show just how easily you get under his skin. God that question just makes you light up with anger and before you know it you’re laying into the man.

“Three weeks Frank!” You snap, and when he doesn’t react or say anything it just sets you off more. “Three fucking weeks, you could have at least let me know you weren’t dead in a fucking ditch somewhere. God it’s like you either show up here half dead, or just to get your dick wet.” You know that’s not entirely true, but you’re mad so the facts are a little blurry. Still he says nothing, and you show no sign of stopping your tirade now that he’s got you going. “You fuck me, then you leave me, then you don’t even call and just expect me to welcome you back like it’s nothing? I don’t know if anyone’s told you lately but you’re too fucking old to be acting like a fuckboy Frank.” You spit out, and you can see the deep calming breath that he has to take to likely keep from crossing the room and yoking you up.

“Yeah but I’m not too old to fuck that attitude outta you.” He finally replies, voice gruff and barely hiding his displeasure at how you’re choosing to speak to him. Of course you scoff, doing your best to ignore the wave of heat that rushes to your core. You huff, petulant and bratty because acting out is easier than admitting you feel played.

“Whatever Frank, you wanna stick around and wait up, then fine. Do you, but I’m going out with my friends. I’ve spent one too many nights sitting around like a damn fool waiting for you to show up like I don’t have other options I could have been entertaining.”

And just like that Frank’s on you, a hand around your throat and the back of your legs bumping roughly against the arm of your sofa. “You wanna run that last part by me again?” The words are more of a growl than anything, and you know you’re toeing the line of setting the man off. Still, you just can’t help yourself, even when you feel the way your body trembles slightly in his hands.

He needs to know that he’s not the only one interested, maybe then he’ll put in a little more effort.

“I said I have other options, and if you can’t be fucked to at least text and let me know you aren’t dead in a ditch somewhere then clearly I should be paying more attention to them.” You spat, breath catching in your lungs a second later when his grip tightens. You think to yourself that you’ve done it, you’ve riled him up and he’s going to bend you over the back of the sofa and rail you until you can’t see straight.

Frank just lets you go, scoffing to himself as he shakes his head and steps back.

“You and I are going to have a conversation about this when I see you later.” Is all he says before he’s stalking his way into your kitchen to fish a beer out of the fridge. Men. You think to yourself, so God damn entitled.

If you were thinking clearly you would have known that Frank was plotting something.

It's a little over an hour later when you realize that you should have suspected Frank to be up to something. He appears in the upscale little bar that your friends had invited you out to, at first you think he'll come over and drag you out of the bar. Especially when some guy decides to buy you a drink and flirt with you. Your gaze drifts over to Frank, wary and unsure now that you aren't feeling as confident as you were earlier in the evening. Accepting the drink you sip at it, half paying attention and half keeping an eye on Frank. It's not until you feel the guys hand on your ass that you give him your full attention.

You jolt out of the barstool, grabbing your purse as the drink in your hand tips forward to spill into the handsy idiot's lap accidentally while you apologize profusely. There's chaos, the man is not happy and makes a grab for you before your group of friends descend upon him and shove you towards the back and out of harm's way. It gives Frank just enough time to slide an arm around you and walk you towards the empty restrooms. You say nothing, watching him check that the stalls are all empty before he returns to the door to flip the little lock in place.

"You aren't going to hurt that guy are you?" You question quietly, knowing Frank well enough to know that even though he looks calm now he's not happy at the thought of someone trying to touch you against your will. Frank's methods of dealing with that usually involve violence.

"Might break his hand later, teach him not to get grabby with people." He answers, and you have no doubt that might means he absolutely will. That has your panties damp, but you say nothing of it as you watch Frank as he finally rounds on you.

Neither of you say anything for a moment, but you can tell by his tense movements that he’s still not happy with you. All your earlier bravado is gone, you know you fucked up earlier with how you spoke to him. You’d been too prideful to just tell him that you had spent all that time worried about him, and that you’d missed him. “Look about earlier…” You start, pushing the strap of your purse up on your shoulder and watching as he stalks his way back over to you. Words falter when he cages you in by pressing his palms against the wall on either side of your head.

“Yeah, you wanna tell me what the fuck all that shit was about?”

You chew your bottom lip, hesitantly reaching out to wrap your arms around him. “I was upset because you hadn’t reached out for three whole weeks.” You admit, and briefly you can see the way his gaze softens for just a second. He knows he should have at least sent a text, it’s not like you’re just some casual fuck that he keeps around. You're one of the few people left in the world that he'd go on a warpath for if something happened to you. Clearly he hasn’t shown that to you, not that it’s easy for him to open up in that way.

That doesn't mean he can let you get away for your earlier stunt. Frank doesn't encourage bad behavior, and letting you go unpunished would be doing just that.

“So that’s what had my good girl actin’ like a fuckin’ brat, huh?” He grabs you by the chin and you can’t help the way your glossed lips form into a pout. “You know that pout is real precious, but it ain’t getting you out of your punishment.” He tells you, leaning in like he might kiss you only to pull back and leave you whining as you try to chase his lips. Frank just laughs at your efforts before he’s pulling your arms from around his neck and spinning you around to face the wall. He doesn’t even have to say the words, you already know what he expects and trying to be a good girl for him you press your hands flat against the wall and arch your hips back until you feel the round globes of your ass pressing against Frank. He stays put for the moment, watching as you fight to stay still and not grind back against him.

Ever so slowly he slides the tight dress up over your ass, hissing at the black lace thong that’s just clinging to your slick cunt. “Fuck, you always were such a good little slut. Too bad you had to act like a god damn brat tonight. Might’ve filled this tight lil’ cunt with my cum ‘stead of havin’ ta punish you.” His words bring a defeated whine to your lips, but if you know Frank once he’s sure that you’ve learned your lesson he’ll indulge...at least you hope. You expect him to spank you, but instead you hear the zipper of his jeans coming down and the rustle of fabric as he pulls himself free. When he rips the waistband of your thong in two and pulls it away from you, you think for a moment that he’s changed his mind, but then he quickly douses that dream when he presses his cock between your pressed together thighs and you can feel him dragging against your damp folds. He’s so close to being exactly where you want him, but he makes sure to only tease you with the possibility of his cock slipping into you. You can’t help but whine and throw a pleading look over your shoulder at the man.

“What? You thought I’d change my mind?” He scoffs, and you’re too embarrassed to admit that, yes, you thought that maybe Frank would just fuck you and give you what you wanted. This was worse than his rough palm spanking your ass raw and red, this was damn near torture when all you want is to feel him splitting you open and making you scream out for him. When you don’t answer him he lays a sharp slap against your mound, and then another until you're tripping over your words to admit the embarrassing truth.

“Y-yes, sir!” You stammer, and you can hear the dark chuckle from Frank. He grunts softly, leaning down to press a lingering kiss against the buttery smooth brown skin of your exposed shoulder. Never once does he lose his rhythm as he teases his cock through your folds. His rutting against you makes you want to sob, because he’s so close that all it would take is a slight angle change and he’d be pushing into you just like you need. But Frank is careful to avoid doing just that, and you can’t do anything but stand there sniffling and squirming each time you feel his thick cock slide back and forth between your thighs while he teases your sex, and lets your slick coat his length.

“You think you deserve to feel this fat cock splitting you open?”

You moan at that, squirming as you clench your thighs together tighter and draw out a hiss from Frank. Just the thought of him inside you is enough to make you clench around nothing and you’re quite sure that he’ll be able to make you cum just like this without even being inside you. “Please, I’ll be so good for you. I’m sorry about earlier, I won’t do it again...” You’re begging and pleading with him, and you can tell it's getting to him when you hear that growl of his from behind you.

“You’ll be good for me, huh? My good little slut?” He grunts out, the tip of his cock bumping your clit when Frank slides his length forward and you keen in pleasure. “You’d do anything to get my cock in you right now wouldn’t ya?” He taunts, a hand gripping your curls into a tight fist as he yanks your head back. You can’t speak, not trusting your voice just now so you give a strained and jerky nod to answer him. You feel it again, his cock rubbing against your clit and you’re so worked up that you know it’ll make you cum if he does it again.

Frank knows as well, and pulls himself from between your thighs, you’re so frustrated that you could cry and you know that’s exactly what Frank wants. “Don’t move.” He orders, and you just huff out a choked noise but do nothing else to voice your displeasure. You want to peak over your shoulder to see what he’s doing, you can hear him and you can see how one of his hands has drawn away from the wall. You can only guess he’s taking care of himself, and your suspicions are confirmed when you feel his hot spend being shot against your lower back. You bite down on your bottom lip, whining in defeat as you feel him give your ass a pat.

“Have fun entertaining those other options with my cum staining that pretty ass.” He tells you, and you can hear the amusement in his voice as you carefully force the dress down over your ass. You’re just glad that the dark fabric won’t show the wet stain that is likely to be there.

“I wanna go home, Frank.” You mutter, pouting up at him as you turn around to face him. You don’t even want to go back out there to finish enjoying drinks with your friends. You just want Frank, and he knows it just as well as you do. He doesn’t stop you when you step forward and slide your arms around him so that you can bury your face in his chest and inhale his scent. You really are glad that he’s okay. He returns your embrace, even dropping a sweet kiss to the top of your head. It’s a soft moment, but you know this isn’t the extent of your punishment for how bratty you’d acted earlier in the night.

“One hour, and then you better have your ass back to your car and ready to leave. Gimme your keys.” He orders, and you don’t hesitate to reach into your purse to pull them out and place them in his waiting hand. “We still gotta have a conversation later.” He reminds you, and you nod before moving to check your appearance in one of the restroom’s mirrors before you heave a heavy sigh and walk out. Frank carefully slips out moments later, and no one is none the wiser thinking you had just slipped away to get yourself together after the jerk earlier had tried to grab you.

They don’t even see Frank’s eyes zero in on the creep who glares at you from the back door of the bar before he slips out the back. Frank follows, intending to have a very different type of conversation with the man. You see him going out of the corner of your eye, but you don’t react. You just focus on trying to enjoy a drink and your friends' company as you count down the seconds until your hour is up. It’s difficult to do with the feeling of Frank’s cum drying against the swell of your ass, and every time someone approaches you with the intention of flirting you just can’t bring yourself to entertain it. Frank’s marked his territory, and you want nothing more than to go to him and let him claim you the way you know he’s just itching to. You check the time on your phone after a bit and nearly sigh in relief to see that there’s only five minutes left before the hour is up. Just enough time for you say your goodbyes and get the fuck out of there.

“I don’t know guys, I think I’m just still a little shaken up. I’m gonna call it, I’ll text when I get home.” They understand, they’re good friends after all and you might feel a little guilty about dipping out early on them if it weren’t for Frank waiting for you outside.

Just as you suspect he’s already behind the wheel of your car when you get to the parking lot, and he says nothing as you slip into the passenger seat. He just puts the car in gear and drives away. It makes your belly swoop in anticipation, and one look at him tells you that his gears are turning as he thinks up just what he intends to do to you once he has you alone.

You already know it’s about to be a long night, and you can’t wait.

[angsty-omi]

you get jealous of their manager

suna rintarou; sakusa kiyoomi

angst to fluff, hurt/comfort.

suna rintarou

when rin told you about the new manager, you didn’t expect her to be blonde, curvy, and absolutely gorgeous. honestly, just looking at her made you insecure. the way all the boys gawked at her everytime she walked by. you didn’t care about the boys though, you only cared about a boy, your boyfriend rin. she’s with him longer than he’s with you. practices take up most of his day, so you only saw him once he got to your shared apartment where he was too tired to do anything that exterted energy. to be fair, you were fine just staying in, but imagining him with her during practices made you uncomfortable.

it was even worse when he’d go out to dinner with the team and her. you couldn’t remember the last time he’d even ask you on a date. you hated the way he stopped trying once you started dating. starting to reach the AMs when you called him.

“y/n?” his slurred tone showed that he was drunk.

“suna? where are you? it’s almost 12 am.” you scolded. how could you not? he’s drunk and with a girl that you were very envious of.

“first of all, can you chill? i literally told you that i’d be out with the boys, i don’t understand why you’re getting so upset,”

“upset? you’re literally out with a girl who’s very attarctive” you frustrated.

“oh i see what this is now, you’re jealous and you don’t trust me.”

“it’s not a matter of trust, it’s just i fe-feel uncomfortable and i oh i don’t know wanted to talk about it?” you started to raise your voice. the attempt to set a boundary has failed, and rather was replaced with you being the enemy.

“she’s my friend y/n, get over it because you’ll be seeing a lot more of her,” rin hissed.

“i’m not telling you who you can be friends with or not, but you have to understand where i’m coming from” you murmured.

“just leave me alone, i can be friends with whoever i want, and the last thing i’m going to do is let a bitch dictate that.” suna argued loudly.

it was followed up by silence, with a girl voice cutting in, “rin-rin let’s do this song together!” in a high pitch squeal caught the mic.

“oh so you’re rin rin now huh? i can’t be surprised considering how much time you spend with her!”

“well maybe i like hanging out with her. did you ever think of that y/n? it’s nice to have someone who wouldn’t nag or bitch about me, she doesn’t pry for me to open up,” he attempted to justify his actions.

“okay fine then, if she’s soooo perfect than just date her” words just started spilling out of your brain, and it was too late to take it back.

“maybe i will!” he roared. after he sunk in what he was saying, he followed up with “w-wait i didn’t mea-” trying to save his relationship.

“do whatever you want suna, whether you’re with her or not it’s not my problem anymore, i’m done.” you ended the call, tears freely flowing down your face.

you couldn’t sleep that night. pathetically, you’d hope that suna would at least give you a call back, or any sign that he still cared for you. but he didn’t, and you assumed that was your answer. you would reevaluate the relationship after a good nights sleep on the couch. you couldn’t sleep on the bed due to suna’s lingering scent.

when 4am rolled around, the door opened as quietly as possible. suna assumed that you were asleep in bed, and was prepared to join you. when he walked in the bedroom and saw the bed still made, he panicked. did you really leave? were you actually done with the relationship? he checked everywhere, the bathroom, kitchen, the basement, and not the most obvious place ever. he dialed your phone, and heard loud ringing from the living room. he slapped his forehead in stupidity and made his way over to you. his heart broke at the sight. the way you tried to fit your body with the throw blanket, unaware that you were shivering at the cold. your face was also pale, with dried tears on them. you looked so broken and so drained. immediately, suna carried you off the couch bridal style, and tucked you into the soft king sized bed. he then, moved onto his side and slid under the sheets. it’s only when he grabs your waist is when he feels safe enough to sleep.

five hours later, you awake with dried tears still in your eyes. you wiped them with your arm, and felt weight around your waist. once your eyes were cleared, it was suna. you let yourself comfort in his warmth for just a bit more, knowing that there’s a huge argument to come.

“suna we can’t just not talk about this,” you whispered into his ear, knowing he was awake. he hid in the crook of your neck, “i’m sorry. i’m so so sorry, please take me back.”

“i can’t just accept your apology blindly, we have to set boundaries or else we’ll never move forward.” you sighed while tracing circles on his bare chest.

“i’ll never even look at her again,” his face deadpanned. your laugh vibrated against his chest, “that’s not needed, it’s not really her fault anyways. how about, we spend more time on dates and devote days for each other?”

“anything, princess.”

sakusa kiyoomi

sakusa hated physical touch, the spread of germs with a single handshake grossed him out. that’s why he built a cold exterior to prevent many from getting close. however, when he met you, you happened to be the exception and you took pride in the fact that he was only comfortable with you. he’ll never admit it to you though, and claims he only ‘endures’ your hugs. although, you knew your limit, you would never show affection in front of people. if there’s one thing sakusa hates, it’s PDA.

so you couldn’t really blame the new cute manager for flirting with him, because it seemed like he was single. listen, you trusted sakusa with your whole heart, but you just wanted to see how he would react with a girl flirting with him.

you hid behind the door, eavesdropping behind the door.

“sakusa-senpai, can you please help me up?” the cute manger whined.

“can you not get up yourself?” sakusa groaned.

“no i think i twisted something,” as a girl, you knew exactly what she was doing and her execution was poor. you rolled your eyes, assuming sakusa too would know what she was doing.

but he didn’t.

“thank you, sakusa-senpai!” she squealed, and then what you can assume, she hugged him. because then it caught him by suprise, and they both fell together, with her on top of him. you didn’t hear him scolding her, rather he was laughing. he was happy with her presence when he wouldn’t even physically show it with you. you decided to just walk in and stop this.

amidst of their laughter, both heads looked up at you. “sakusa, don’t you have to get home soon?” with an eyebrow raised.

“uh actually sakusa-senpai it’s getting dark, mind if you could walk me home?” she babbled.

“fine, y/n you can walk yourself right?” he said casually, while packing up his things.

“y-yeah i guess” you stammered.

on your walk home, you were reevaluating what just happened. no longer did you feel special anymore. your brain started to overthink itself, why did they look better as a couple? and why was he so relaxed around her? was i just not the right person? has he found his true love? all these scenarios made you start to tear up. you were in love with the germaphobic man, for god sakes.

when you got the shared apartment, you immediately took a shower, knowing that sakusa was going to nag you anyways when you got home.

then, you started on dinner and chopping up some vegetables when you heard the door open. he nodded at you, acknowledging your presence and was waiting for the hug you gave him everytime he came home. but you didn’t, and he awkwardly just stood there for good minute or two. to your suprise, he was the first one to make the move. he wrapped his arms behind you and resting his head on your neck. immediately, you shrugged him off.

he furrowed his eyebrows, “is there something wrong?”

“i don’t know, is there something wrong?” you repeated his question.

“i wouldn’t know, that’s why i asked.” he bellowed.

you put the knife down and faced him, “you know i love the double standard of how i have to shower before i get to touch you, but that whore gets to touch you whenever,” you ranted.

“our new manager? you can’t be serious. we fell, it was an accident.”

“maybe you thought it was, but i know what she was doing because i, too am a girl. if you guys just ‘fell’ why did it take so long for you to get back up? why’d you let her touch you for so long?” you questioned.

“i wasn’t thinking about it, not everything i do in life is rotated around germs-”

“except when it’s with me” your voice cracked. “right? it’s when it’s with me, that must be it. that’s why you never show any affection, but it’s okay for you because you’ve gotten tons from me and her!” you raved.

he tried to wrap his around you, but you moved out the way.

“don’t touch me with that whore’s filth,” you muttered, turning off the burner and stomped to your shared bedroom, slamming the door. your insecurities were roaring on the inside. sakusa chose to sleep on the couch, thinking you needed space. but, that was the least thing you wanted. you wanted him to beg, or to at least apologize.

over the following days, you didn’t wait for him outside of practice. in fact, the only time he saw you was in the morning before classes and at night when you left leftovers for him in the kitchen. after the argument, he pushed everyone away, especially with the new manager. he only wanted one person’s touch, yours. and to achieve that, he had to put in some effort. that night when he got home, he went straight to the shower. you assumed it was just a normal silent treatment day, so you went to bed scrolling.

you felt the weight on the other side of the bed. knowing who it was, you continued to aimlessly scroll on tiktok. sakusa abruptly grabbed your waist and coddled you, drowning you in pecks all around your face.

“mh.. sakus.. sa.. mh..” continuously getting cut off with his cute pecks on your lips. you decided to let go of the whole manager situation, and let yourself to just be happy. you wrapped your arms around his neck and put him even closer to you. he then pulled away and you dramatically groaned.

putting his face close to yours, “i love you y/n l/n.” before continuing.

a/n: if you like this series please request some characters you’d like to see!

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Slumbering Hearts (Alcina Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 2

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: None Summary: In a wicked twist of fate, you find out your soulmate is none other than your employer, Lady Dimitrescu. To your misery, she (at first) seems equally displeased, her heart already belonging to another. But in time, the two of you find yourselves wondering… could the universe be right, after all? Soulmate AU in which every person has a unique “soul mark”, which they share with their soulmate. Notes: Reader gets a bit of a backstory here, with just enough concrete details to serve the plot in future chapters. Hopefully enough is kept vague for people to enjoy it. Now... Time to meet your new kids-in-law/the gremlins :) Previous Chapters: 1: In The Shadow Of Giants

2: Uncertain Destinations

“You already know my name, as well as my fate, and I have neither threats nor demands to make of you. I am at your mercy, regrettably, with nothing more to say. Shall we consider ourselves ‘introduced’? Or is there more you wish to ask of me?” You wonder, eying ‘Alcina’ with a bored expression. It felt odd to refer to her that way, even within the confines of your mind. She had been ‘Lady Dimitrescu’ for as long as you could remember; starting with your years in the village, and continuing through your months here at the castle. One day, perhaps, you would grow used to calling her by her first name. For now, you simply hoped to focus on other matters.

“Tell me of yourself, your past. Who were you before you came here?” Alcina asks, surprising you. What did it matter, now that you were stuck here? At first you shrug, avoiding eye contact, not wanting to open yourself up to her. But before long she’s placed a hand on your shoulder, applying just enough pressure to encourage you to speak. You win this round, you think.

“Somehow I doubt you’ll find it terribly interesting. I was born in the outskirts of the village, on a small farm, just like any other. I had a pet dog, went to ‘school’ with my neighbors, and spent my weekends volunteering with the church. The only thing you might not expect is that I lived outside the village for about a decade. Traveled for a while, never really staying anywhere for terribly long. Eventually, I got tired, and so I came back to help my parents with what little property they had left,” you explain, quietly. Being vague had been intentional, considering the nature of a few details. Did she need to know why you had left? Or that you had once revered Mother Miranda?... No, because if she learned that, it would not be long before she learned that you had changed your mind years ago. Something told you that she wouldn’t appreciate your lack of faith in her mistress. “That was six months ago, roughly. Barely got to spend time with my parents before I was ‘donated’ to the staff here.”

“Not many ever leave the village. Those that do rarely, if ever, return. How particular,” Alcina replies, giving a soft hum. There’s something in her expression that tells you she’ll eventually ask you to elaborate. For now, however, she seems content to move on. Internally you sigh in relief. “I suppose this is sufficient to sate my curiosity, for the time being. Now come with me, I’d like to introduce you to my daughters, to ensure that they understand you are… off limits.” With that said she stands, once more reminding you just how small and fragile you are in comparison, before heading towards the exit. You’re nearly forced to jog in order to keep up with her long strides. As she leads you through hallways, down a flight of stairs, and past several nervous looking maidens, she slows down the slightest bit, having eventually noticed your struggle. Admittedly, that’s more kindness than you would have anticipated. Perhaps she was used to adjusting her pace for her daughters?

Whatever the reason, you do appreciate it. Still, by the time you arrive at your destination, the castle’s library, your legs are feeling the smallest bit sore. Brushing off the ache, you follow Alcina inside. Then you’re taking in the sights, having not been here before, admiring the impressive collection. Glad I’m not responsible for cleaning this place, you think as you pass by dozens of filled shelves. Before long you encounter the three daughters. They’re sitting in a semi-circle, each with their own book, though they’re quick to sit up once they spy their mother. One by one they’re smiling up at her, not even sparing you a moment’s glance. Admittedly you’re glad for that. What good could come from their attention, especially when they don’t yet know who you ‘truly’ are?

“I’m glad to see you’re all in one place, my darlings. There has been a… development, of sorts,” Alcina says, speaking in the same tone one might use to address a faculty meeting. In a less intimidating household, it would have been much harder to hold in a laugh. Was this always how she spoke to her children? For their sake, you hoped not (though the concept was amusing). Regardless, it is at this point that the daughters notice you, with one of them looking intrigued enough to send a shiver down your spine. You’re pretty sure her name is Daniela, being the only one you haven’t met before today. A toothy grin spreads on her lips, and once you make eye contact you swear that she winks at you. This literally could not be any worse, you think, unable to stop yourself from frowning.

“Does it have to do with this little thing?” Daniela purrs, taking a step towards you. Instantly both Alcina and yourself are tensing up. While your soulmate shifts in front of you, an incredibly faint rosy tint to her cheeks, all you can do is pinch the bridge of your nose between two fingers.

“This ‘little thing’ is not your newest playtoy, Daniela. Rather, they are my-” she hesitates, disliking the way the word feels in her mouth- “soulmate. I expect the three of you to behave, understood? At the very most, you are allowed to prevent them from leaving the premises, but even then I expect you to remain gentle. Have I made myself clear?” Alcina asks. Now she’s not the only one blushing, as Daniela looks so embarrassed that you wonder if she’ll pass out. Maybe now you’ll think twice about flirting with everyone you meet, you think, remembering the various rumors you’ve heard about her. For a moment, part of you imagines what your relationship with her would look like, were you to continue ‘courting’ her mother. Could this be a moment you could torment her with for life? Get some cheeky revenge for all the maidens who couldn’t risk it? A lovely thought, though one soon interrupted.

“Of course, mother. We will not lay a single finger on them, unless we have no other choice. Right, sisters?” Bela replies, turning to her siblings with an expectant look. Neither of them seem terribly pleased, but they nod, each giving their own verbal affirmations. All three spend a few moments glancing you over, reevaluating you now that they know who you are, appraising your worth. It’s not hard to imagine that they all find you lacking- at least in comparison to their mother. “Are introductions in order? We’ve met before, but I hardly know anything about them. It would be… nice to properly meet the newest edition to our family.” The way Bela says the words makes you nervous, and the way Cassandra grins only worsens the feeling.

“If you desire such, I see no reason to forgo such a thing. Perhaps the three of you could give them a tour? I must return to my duties, and I doubt they have seen much of the castle, given their… former occupation,” Alcina admits, softly. Was this a confirmation that you’d no longer have to spend every day working yourself to the bone? On one hand you were somewhat relieved, but you also regretted the possible loss of your preferred coping method. Worse, were you really going to spend who knows how long with the dreaded Dimitrescu daughters? They were going to rip you to shreds, at least verbally, you were sure of it. How could you ever meet their expectations? If they were anything like their mother, you would never be enough to satisfy them. Or at least that is what you assumed.

“I’ve seen a fair bit,” you interject, awkwardly, hating the way it brings everyone’s gaze back to you. Alcina’s lips twitch, as she fights back a frown. Evidently she didn’t appreciate you countering her suggestion.

“Please, we insist,” Bela fires back, a pleasant tone covering her thinly-veiled animosity. “I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful time getting to know each other. You do want to learn more about your soulmate’s children, don’t you?” Something about the way she speaks makes you want to laugh. When you smile back at her, it’s without a hint of any placating intentions, rather a dewdrop of mischief. Bold of her to assume that you wanted to make her mother happy. After all, it was clear from her phrasing that this was a ‘test’, a ruse to ‘reveal your true colors’ to Alcina. But you were as uneasy about your part in this as Bela was, neither of you finding yourself a suitable match for Alcina. Despite the way she narrows her eyes at you, her mother is smiling again, glad that she had a way to keep you occupied for the time being.

“It’s settled then,” she says, moving to give each of her daughters a kiss on top of their heads. They giggle at the affection, looking rather proud of themselves. Then she turns to you, hesitating, clearly having the instinct to give you a kiss as well. Half of you wants to stand on your tippy-toes, expectantly, wondering if she’d do it (and how flustered it would make her). Instead, you pretend not to notice, accepting the awkward shoulder pat she ends up giving you. “I will see you this evening, for dinner. Do try to enjoy yourself. But don’t forget-” she leans in until her mouth is right next to your ear, breath tickling your neck- “behave yourself. I will not tolerate any tomfoolery, understood?” Alcina does not pull away until you’ve nodded, and you do not relax until the library door has shut behind her.

Except now you’re alone with her daughters. Wonderful.

---------------------------

Dealing with finances was not, to put it simply, Alcina’s ‘favorite’ activity. Although she employed someone to handle the majority of the paperwork, she made sure to go over it herself to ensure accuracy. There were many aspects to her business, being both legitimate and illegitimate, technically. One could never be too careful about their records. After all, failing to file tax returns had taken down Al Capone, of all people. Who was to say that such a mistake, or one in a similar vein, could not damage House Dimitrescu? Certainly it wouldn’t be enough to ruin them entirely, but it could lead to certain ‘nuisances’ bothering the village. At the end of the day, Alcina cared more about the impact it would have on Mother Miranda than anything else, even the possible decline of her household.

A nasty habit, really. Few knew the extent of her self-entitled devotion to the cult leader. The only bond that ran deeper was that she had with her daughters, who meant more to her than she could ever vocalize. Even then, she viewed them as a gift from Miranda, which in turn strengthened her love for the woman. Now that love leaked into everything she did. With a flourish of her pen, she signed away some of this month’s earnings. So what if she already ‘donated’ a large portion of her income to the village and its leader? Certainly this was a way to show the level of her devotion? Certainly Miranda would take notice, eventually? Praise her for it? Take Alcina’s hand in her own, thumb caressing her skin, eyes filled with a long-sought affection?...

The sound of passing footsteps brings her back into the moment, and Alcina stares down at the mountain of paperwork she’d yet to approve. With a deep sigh she readjusts her reading glasses, sets the finished document aside, then gets back to work. A part of her mind soon starts to drift to other subjects. To you, primarily. Would your affection be easier to gain? Steadier?... But could it, in any way, compare to Miranda’s? No matter how she tries to brush the thoughts away, they nip at her heels, circling her head like vultures. Only time would give her the relief she so desperately sought.

---------------------------

“So, don’t tell me you really think you’re my mother’s soulmate, right?” Cassandra says, somewhat grumbling, as you trail behind Bela. It’s less than five minutes into the tour, with the siblings having behaved so far, focused on actually showing you around. At her words, both her sisters started walking slower. Their gazes were still locked ahead of themselves. The way they positioned themselves, however, made it clear that they were listening. “Is it some elaborate scheme, hmm? Did you spend a dozen hours with the other servants, noting every last detail about her soul mark, before copying it? Do you really think that you’ll get away with this?” Well, ‘twas good to know who the most paranoid of the three were.

“Ah, yes, it’s all a great, horrible ruse. You’ve caught me red-handed, I’m afraid,” you chime, sarcastically. A hand goes to your forehead as you fake faintness. “I’m just so desperate to be scrutinized by yourself and your mother, to have my every movement watched, to somehow be less free than I already was. I simply… cannot… believe… that you saw through my bluff.” With that you give a dramatic sigh, pausing in the hallway to give Cassandra a judgemental look. If not for Alcina’s instructions to keep you safe, you’re certain she would have beheaded you on the spot. “I’m not claiming to understand the universe’s decision. But I’m also not giving up immediately, no matter how much the three of you scare me.” At that, Bela stops in her tracks, slowly turning to you. Instinctively you go to take a step backwards, only for Cassandra to catch you, holding you in place. Next thing you know, the oldest daughter is grabbing your head, staring you right in the eyes.

“Answer one question, and maybe I’ll make sure you don’t fall victim to some tragic, unfortunate accident. Can you see yourself loving my mother?” Bela asks, more intense than you’ve ever seen her before. Despite that, you don’t tremble, swallowing your fear long enough to reply.

“Honestly? I don’t know. She’s terrifying… and beautiful. Cruel to some of the maidens I’ve met… and loving to you three. I… I don’t know if I can love her,” you admit, gulping. “But isn’t that part of the point of trying? To find out? I am going to try, for both my sake and hers, to love her. To cherish her. What more would you ask of me? I cannot tell you how the days to come will go, whether or not your mother will enjoy them, or even whether she could love me. This is not a situation you can threaten into resolving the way you want it to. So let me go, finish the tour, and give me a chance. You owe your mother that much, do you not?” Soon enough the hands keeping you in place loosen their grip, and Bela turns away with a scoff. Honestly, you can hardly believe that your little speech worked. You aren’t given much time to celebrate, however, as the sisters quickly resume their walking. Before long, Daniela is speaking up between giggles.

“I like this one already.”

[kanmom51]

Do you ever just sit and ask yourself what if I'm wrong about jikook? I'm not am anti I promise. I just have a hard time letting go of certain things I fixate on and I guess bts and jikook have become one of those fixations. And my brain just can't get over the hump of thinking what if we're wrong? And I get a weird sinking feeling. And I know I shouldn't be this attached to the potential relationship of two strangers haha.

So I guess I'm just wondering how you deal with not knowing for sure yet still attaching so much emotions and research into jikook as a couple. Would it be easy for you to just let it go if it came out they're not a thing? Is so how do you train yourself to make it easy?

I think I would really have to reevaluate my deductive skills and my reasoning if I turn out to be wrong cause it just seems like they are together. But then there are so many taekookers just as convinced. I seriously sit and wonder if I'm just delulu but for jikook and not taekook. And it would make me feel so stupid.

Oh and also if there's no doubt in your mind, how are you so sure? Because I have doubts as high as a skyscraper one day then another day I'm super sure they're together haha.

I will tell you a little secret about myself anon, but please don't tell everyone, this is between the two of us:

I have a little bit of an obsessive personality. Not obsessive crazy as shit personality, but the type of personality that when I latch on to something that I find interesting, I will dissect it to bits, and if it's a mystery, even better.

It's kind of what made me good at my job.

Prior to the pandemic I was all about Disney, Disney world, Disneyland. Ask me anything about Disney World (prior pandemic) I knew it. It was my happy place, the thing that brought me joy (apart from my loved ones, of course). I even ran my own Blog. I follow most of the Disney World bloggers, and used to watch their clips daily, as much as work and family could allow it. I even had a DW trip fully planned and booked for Sep 2020 (which went kaput). Family is similarly obsessed with everything Harry Potter and Marvel equally.

Yes, slightly obsessed.

The pandemic put a stop to the Disney World blogging, and so then came BTS. With BTS came my interest in these two members that interactions seemed to be 'different', et voila, a new mystery, a puzzle, if you want, for me to find it's pieces and try to build.

While diving into this new mystery I came to learn more about all the members and gained a real appreciation for who they are as human beings and what they stand for. I also found a bit of me in JK's personality, I feel I see him, in a way, understand some of the struggles he faces and understand his behaviours.

Imagine my joy to discover they are into Disney, Harry Potter and Marvel too...

All this and I haven't yet answered you questions anon, lol.

Why this long ass prologue though?

To explain my thought process, the reason I got into Jikook, and why I'm still here. I didn't read a tweet (couldn't if I wanted to, not being on Twitter) and decided Jikook are real. I didn't watch a Jikook clip on YT and decide Jikook are real.

I notices something different between those two, latched on and went digging. But that wasn't all of it. The more I got into it, I learnt about skinship, a bit of Korean culture, shipping and more so about the other ships within BTS, and went looking to see, maybe, just maybe I am getting things wrong. The more I went looking the more I saw just how different Jikook were to the others.

From everything I've watched, from the digging I've done, from the content I have seen (original content, not edited and twisted content), I have come to my conclusion that that JM & JK are a couple. That is what I believe.

Saying that, unless JM & JK 'come out' and announce it publicly, or something to that extent, I can never be 100% sure.

Do I have doubts? Of course I do. Not as much and as often as some Jikook's seem to have, but I do need, once in a while, to look back, re-watch content, do a bit of re-evaluation, a bit of reminding too, as to what made me believe in the first place. Isn't that only natural?

It's actually quite healthy to do that once in a while, at the end of the day it only strengthens my beliefs as to what is going on between those two.

I think though that what makes the difference for me anon is that I'm not a shipper. I don't see myself as a shipper. It's not "oh, they look good together I want to fantasize about that" or "I think they are together and to hell with reality". I didn't even know what shipping was before I entered this fandom. I saw two young men that I felt had this pull towards each other and went with it, and that brought me here.

Will I be upset if they turn around and say they aren't together? No, not really.

I'm here to support a couple of lovely young men that I feel love each other and have to hide who they are and who they love because of the industry and society the are part of.

If I am wrong, then be it.

They are lovely, positive, talented human being, who have worked so hard to get where they are today. All I wish for them is to be happy, because I feel they deserve it.

I am not emotionally invested in them being a couple. This is super important to make clear, and I think that if as a fan you find yourself in that place you need to take a step back and re-evaluate things.

Yes to love and support. Yes to follow and be happy for them. No to be emotionally swayed by every single thing they do or don't do. No to basing your own happiness on what goes or doesn't go on between them.

Will my pride be bruised if at the end of the day my sleuth abilities will be proven wrong, hell yeah, lol.

Will I be sad or disappointed or hurt or angry if at the end of the day I am proven wrong? No way.

All I wish for them is to be happy. Wherever it may be or whoever it may be that they find that happiness with.