#please let it be a comically large mallet

[caffstrink]

Did i just smell someone who didn't get 8 hours of sleep last night?

[unfunnyaceartist]

I’m bored, so… more writing. Carnival Jax bc why tf not. Also I’m keeping sweats, because fuck that, I’m too tired to censor them

Somewhat horror at beginning, and Suggestive (I mean it’s carnival Jax so y’all should’ve expected it/hj)

——

God damnit. God damnit. This place is so hard to get around, it doesn’t help that the crazed rabbit has a timer for your demise set in the background, the soft ticking didn’t help with your unease. Just stay alive. Just stay alive— how the hell would you do that when a character with fucking CARTOON PHYSICS is chasing you around??

You had to stop yourself from murmuring this whole time, you wanted to cuss out yourself or just the whole level, but you knew making noise would only, most likely, draw him to you sooner. You were snapped out of your thoughts as you bumped into something in the little hallway you were in, the case on top of the little wooden desk falling to the groin with a crash— why is there a vase in this level?! What would he even use that for?! It was just a noisemaker, that was the entire point of it being there, such as in other games…

You fell along with the vase, almost tripping over the desk itself. Great, great, now you were just on the floor and bleeding-… wait… no. This isn’t your own blood… you didn’t pay much attention to how the floor looked before, to busy trying not to die, in messy letters, his own name, ‘JAX’ had been written all over the floor. Oh god and some of this was blood that isn’t even dry yet, that means he killed someone recently. That is not helpful for your slim hope at survival.

You suddenly see text appear in front of you

‘Y O U G O T C A U G H T !’

It took a moment to process, your body started shaking slightly with fear as you looked back and saw him just standing there. Oh god he looked fucking insane.

“You players are all talk. Bullshit.” Jax scoffed, he hated these humans… selfish. “Hehe… hehehe… HAHAHA!”

He started laughing like a maniac, you could only feel yourself trembling in fear, was he just taunting you? Did he really have that much spite to make your last moments only be full of his mockery? It seemed so.

“ L E T S S E E I F Y O U B L E E D O U T F A S T E R T H A N T H E O T H E R S !”

He held his mallet over his head, you would’ve laughed at how comically large it was, if he wasn’t about to bash your brains out with it. You panicked and just desperately tried to crawl back, it seemed to amuse him “J-Jax! Jax please..!” You pleaded, it was a bit pathetic, in all honesty, but, Jax paused, for another reason, as he watched you shake and plead pathetically.

“…What did you say?”

You slowly uncovered your face, which you had covered out of instinct before, “That’s… T-That’s your name, right…? Jax…?”

Jax usually would’ve killed you, but… he didn’t feel like it now. Someone was saying his name… and they looked pathetic when doing it. It kind made him feel better to see a player of all people, shaking and pleading to him. “..Say it again.”

“Uh- okay… Jax.” You were very confused on what this all meant…

Jax slowly approached you, who was still on the ground and shaking, he knelt down to look you in the eyes, he roughly grabbed you by the hair, “…Hm..” he made a little hum, as if contemplating what to do with you. He gave your hair a soft tug backwards, to which you let out a soft whimper.

Jax’s confused and thinking expression from before, slowly turned into a smirk, oh he knew just what to do. You seemed so.. obedient. Heh, willing to do whatever he said to survive. Maybe he’s okay with you for a bit, definitely in more ways than one. “Oho, I have a fun game in mind that ensures neither of us will forget my name, ever.”

You gulped, not sure if this was positive, or not, you knew it probably wasn’t.

Jax tugged your hair roughly again and pressed a rough kiss to your lips, you immediately went red, you didn’t expect that. You can’t help the soft flustered noise that escaped you. He pinned you down against the ground, him above you, and you were under him… all defenseless. You felt his free hand softly grip your thigh.

After what felt like forever, Jax finally ended the kiss, you were a bit of a trembling mess, with how sudden and passionate this all was “W..What was that f-“

“Sshhh… be a good girl, and you’ll get a treat..~” Jax purred softly, his hot breath ticking the back of your neck. Oh god he was terrifying, but also hot, fucking not, and you were overwhelmed with the fact that he kissed you too, oh god he kissed you. He called you a good girl… a good girl. Oh even if you wanted to escape right now, you couldn’t deny that being called a good girl made you a little more hot under the collar.

Jax nuzzled his face into your neck, you were about to question it internally, until you felt a deep bite, “J-Jax~!” you gasped, oh good, fuck… fuck that was hit. Did he just bite you? Oh god…

“Mmh, thought so..” he purred to himself, oh he sure was right, you’d definitely scream for him tonight.

Jax roughly licked the blood from the deep mark he made, he purred seductively, “You’re never going to forget my name when I’m done with you…~”

Your body trembled in his grasp, oh the anticipating and what he’d already done, was killing you. Yay by looking at his face, you could tell he wanted much more than just to kiss and bite you to make you say his name, your face flushed at the though, she tried a bit to wriggle out from under his grasp, he pinned you down into the ground rougher, his insane personality was still there as he teased, “Aw, my little human doesn’t know how to behave themselves. I need to teach you some manners, toy… I’ll make you a good girl for master~”

“A very good… obedient girl for me…~” he growled lustfully, his free hand already exploring your body, and oh you wanted to let him, you wanted to just sit there and say his name all day.. unknown to you, you’ll be screaming it for the rest of the day, instead~

——

I love sleep writing, so it all the time lol

A- VSMJ<WEK<TU$JE

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #243

Brain Curds are lightly edited daily writing - usually flash fiction and sometimes terrible on purpose.

Clint stepped through the front door to the apartment he shared with Reggie, only to see a strange man sitting in Reggie’s spot on the couch. He set his bag down by the door and approached with caution.

“Hey… uh, are you a friend of Reggie?”

The man snorted. “You could say that I am. What, you don’t recognize me?”

“No. Are you like his boyfriend or something?”

“Seriously? Bro, I am Reggie.”

“No you aren’t.”

“Yes I am.”

“No you aren’t, man. Reggie’s a ginger and you’re blond. Where is he?”

“I told you, I’m right here.”

“You don’t look anything like him!”

“You’re losing it, dude. I look the same as ever. Tell you what, ask me a question that only I, Reggie, would know the answer to.”

Clint rubbed his chin. “Okay, fine. Which of your mother’s toes was surgically removed after a complication of childbirth?”

“The big toe on her left foot. My umbilical cord got wrapped around it and cut off the circulation.”

“Hmm… he could have told just about anyone about that.”

“Come on, man!” ‘Reggie’ crossed his arms. “Why don’t you believe me?”

“How about this: your favorite game is…”

“Counter-Strike 2.”

“But secretly, you spend most of your time playing…”

‘Reggie’ sighed. “I spend most of my time playing Hatoful Boyfriend.”

“Damn. No way you’d tell anyone that. I guess I must have forgotten your face. Sorry about that.”

“No biggie.” He patted the sofa cushion next to him. “Why don’t you take a load off?”

Clint shrugged and plopped down on the couch. A switch was set off and a comically large wooden mallet slammed down and smashed his skull against the wall. Reggie fell out of the coat closet laughing.

“I got you so good!” He said, high-fiving his double. “Thanks, Pete. Let’s do this again sometime.”

Please comment, reblog, like, and follow if you enjoyed - I'd love to know what you think! See you again tomorrow.

[nsewell]

da4 let me risk it all for varric im sweating im howling im hitting my head with a comically large mallet please please please please please

[nayruwu]

part 5, and i'm still on chapter four :'D (messed up the order and posted number 6, so i guess there's two of these today)

hairpin messenger sayuri guy i love you

and i wish we knew how yoichi and shinoa did. they could probably do a lot better as a team. (and shinoa still has babysitting duty, otherwise she probably wouldn't have to participate in training like this, even if she's not used to having teammates)

1. considering the army is so set on making people work together and become family, they should not punish caring about a family member😭 but well, all school systems suck so it's no surprise

2. yuu. he was thinking rationally. he was thinking that working hard to ensure he will be able to visit his healthy sister whenever he wants is better for all of them than going to see her but therefore not being able to help and her dying as a result. like i get that he said there wouldn't be saving her anymore but his initial choice wasn't ignorant or indicative of his lack of care for her (seraph of the end aka. yuu's irrational thoughts being sold as inspirational quotes)

please, we are being misled again. they're making it seem like he had this grand scheme to overthrow the hiiragi and become some kind of ruler himself but what he's actually just doing is trying to save his friends😭 he is so much simpler that they're making it seem right now

actually love these two sm. must have been emotionless, desireless vampires for a hell of a long time but they still stick together just because they were friends as humans. it's probably a little less boring when you've got your bestie :D

krul my beloved. she looked so absolutely gorgeous back here jesus christ (also arukanu is so teeny oh my god). although, if i may ask, what the fuck are those vampires? they're just. voids with glowing dot eyes.

(i would honestly prefer if they stuck with their "vampires have no emotions, desires etc" stizzle. like i love the idea of strong bonds left from humanity impacting it and letting vampires keep a tiny bit of theirs, but i don't like when they seem horny or scared and stuff)

confusion strikes once again. aren't they following the same exact plan??

oh the things i would do to have this little bat babie appear again......... i just believe arukanu would fix everything

catastrophe guren: *is immediately stomped on when tenri picks up half an angry vibe coming from his vague direction*

vr guren: *does whatever the fiddly fuck this is, gets a "boy! don't get uppity with me" as the only consequence*

it's like tenri knows how important guren is to the army and he is absolutely NOT enjoying it. old man looks absolutely done with this shit

you better go to your office and work on saving shinya because otherwise i will not condone this behaviour.

but like, they're not even whispering. the entire top brass is listening to a hiiragi talk about covering for the ichinose. they're probably sick and tired of witnessing guren be a little brat already knowing shinya will be taking the blame (will we ever find out why the hell there's random dudes in that room but not the last remaining members of the goshi and juujou clans? probably not)

(THE BOY IS HERE!!!)

me running up to guren to bonk him with a comically large mallet and tell him to stop all the pining

if you know what this is referring to i am kissing you passionately on the mouth

[81scorp]

21 tips for writing humor

 This was not written by me. It was written and uploaded to deviantart  Jan 13, 2017 by DesdemonaDeBlake.

All credit goes to her. I just copied and pasted it here.

There are many theories as to the nature, science, and reason for humor. It's an element of human behavior that seems objective in the skill that is required to execute it successfully, and yet just as subjective for how unpredictably it can hit every individual audience member. Today, I'm going to talk about the various forms that humor takes, and give you some tips for making your humorous story a success. To start with, lets look at what I will call the “five scales of comedy”. (Please note that the following is not intended as definitive list of the only sources and scales of humor in the world, only the ones that I have been able to identify within my own life, time, limited understanding, and culture. Also note that I will use the word “Humor” instead of the word “Comedy,” simply because I do not want this discussion on genres to be confused for the type of story that is opposite of Tragedy.)

The Five Scales of Comedy

A story or other source of humor can usually be found along the lines of five different scales. These are: High Humor vs Low Humor, Sweet Humor vs Acidic Humor, Distanced Humor vs Close Humor, Predatory Humor vs Reflective Humor, and Clever vs Ridiculous Humor. These scales stand apart from the sub-genres of humor (dark, slapstick, dry, etc...), and have to do with how the humor affects the audience. Note that there is no “best” type of humor; there is only humor that works in different ways and which impacts different sorts of people. So wherever you find your story in the scales, know that there is no need to change it unless you want to. Also, the names of the scales are just that—names. Just because your story falls into the category of “low” humor, doesn't mean that it is any less valuable than “high” humor.

Range 1: High Humor

Within the range of High vs Low humor, what we are discussing is the how large an audience we are trying to reach. High humor involves jokes and comical situations that are only understood by a very select group of people. An example might be a comedy series that focuses its humor on the experience of working in a corporate office (like … The Office), or perhaps political commentary. These are only funny to those people who have shared the experience or the political knowledge of the person generating the humor. Basically, the higher the humor, the more the entire set-up begins to resemble an inside joke. This type of humor is excellent for gaining the interest of select demographics who you may want to address. For example, if you only want to talk to nerds (I say non-insultingly because I am one and am proud of it), you might have lots of references to science fiction and fantasy.

Range 1: Low Humor

On the opposite side of the range, you have Low Humor. Low Humor deals with topics, jokes, and situations that are more universal to the human experience. An easy example of this is a fart joke. Everyone in the world farts, and most people are in touch enough with their inner child to think that it is funny if the joke is skillfully set up. Again, there is nothing wrong with low humor; and in certain situations it is even preferable. The lower your humor, the larger your potential audience can be. Other examples of low humor might be family life, slapstick, and situational comedy based on everyday experience. Shows like Spongebob Squarepants, for example, involve such a low degree of comedy that people of all ages, demographics, and locations across the world are able to find delight in it.  

 Range 2: Sweet Humor

The next range of humor, Sweet vs Acidic, deals with the intensity of the humor itself. Sweet Humor involves jokes, situations, and characters that require less pain and cynicism to appreciate. For example, a story that involves simple characters bumbling around, making mistakes, overcoming, and becoming better people for it would generally fall into the range of Sweet. We don't laugh at their misfortune (or if we do, its lighthearted and with limited consequences, like slipping on a banana peel), we laugh because their situations are joyfully amusing.  

An example of this are the sort of jokes and humor found in Youtube “Lets Plays,” like those of Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. We don't laugh because of anything bad happening to these people (or the characters that they play); we laugh because they are eccentric, silly, and joyful in a way that also makes us feel joyful. This form of humor can be tremendously encouraging and uplifting to the types of readers who enjoy it.

Range 2: Acidic Humor

On the other hand, we have Acidic humor. Much like with food, most people have strong preferences and limits to how acidic (spicy, sour, or bitter) they like their humor. Acidic humor deals with laughing at topics that are increasingly serious or even tragic, such as death, illness, social injustice, etc... A popular example of acidic humor is South Park. Those of us who enjoy acidic humor will find ourselves laughing at topics that would otherwise likely bring us to tears. The power of acidic humor is that it helps its appreciators to cope with the difficult truths of life, and also to acknowledge problems that we are otherwise tempted to ignore because they are too hard to think about.  

An example of an issue addressed in South Park is the elderly, their treatment, and our fear that we will face the same. Sure, when we watch an episode we laugh when the younger characters mistreat and abuse the elderly in the community. However, a conscientious viewer will then begin the chew on the issue, once the episode is over. We'll look at our own actions, and begin to wonder if our treatment of the elderly is just as bad. Because of the acidic humor, these difficult truths come to the forefront of our minds, we gain the courage to actually think about them, and we can even bring them up in discussion with others. This discussion can then lead to people changing the world for the better.

Range 3: Distanced Humor  

This range has to deal with the necessary emotional distance we need in order to be able to appreciate a certain level of humor. Even with lighthearted humor like slapstick, which has very low acidity, the audience needs to be distanced in order to laugh. For example, if I watch Bugs Bunny wallop Elmer Fudd on the head with a mallet, it's generally pretty damn funny. I know that these characters are both flat cartoons with limited depth to their character, and that as non-beings they don't really feel pain. Therefore, I don't have empathy to Elmer's pain (because it is really non-existent), and I can laugh. However, if the show were to show me Elmer's life, how he's been a vegan but famine has caused him to need to find meat to feed his family, and how he struggles to even shoot at a rabbit because it makes him feel like he's betraying himself; then I'm not going to laugh if Bugs hit him with a hammer. I'm too close, and need emotional distance in order for my empathy to not get in the way of my humor.

Range 3: Close Humor

We do not need distance in order to find something funny. With close humor, the jokes and situations actually rely on how well we know the characters and how much we empathize with them. An example of Close Humor is Scrubs. In the show actually find ourselves within the mind of the protagonist, JD, and seeing the entire world through his eyes. He tells us about his insecurities, his genuine pain, his fears, and we actually really care about him as a character. Yet, we find humor in his minor misfortunes and even in his silly victories. The closeness of our perspective amplifies the events that happen in his life in a way that distanced humor cannot achieve. For example, when he stutters and says something embarrassing in front of someone he idolizes, we find ourselves giggling. If Elmer Fudd were to stutter in front of someone he idolized, we wouldn't laugh nearly so hard because we can't possibly understand the stakes of the moment or why meeting this person is so important to him. We need to be close to a character for Close Humor to work.

Range 4: Predatory Humor

With the range of Predatory Humor vs Reflective humor, we are discussing who will be the “butt” or target of the joke. (Note that a joke does not necessarily need a butt, as we will discuss later.) While often used in a negative way, in order to bully and shame others, predatory humor is not a bad thing in and of itself. Predatory humor can be used to tackle and harm negative constructs and ideas in our society. For example, Fairly Odd Parents used to frequently attack neglectful and abusive parenting. Note that the while Timmy's (the protagonist of the show) Parents were frequently the butt of jokes, they were also not the real target (just like parents in general were not the target). The targets were their selfish and non-reflective actions that had damaging effects on their son. We can use predatory humor to attack ideas, and point out the evils that are so often overlooked in society. The trick is to always keep vigilance of your own mind, actions, and motives to makes sure that you do not become a bully who targets the people themselves. Because even if someone acts in an evil way, bullying them will never cause that to change.

Range 4: Reflective Humor

On the other side of this range we have Reflective Humor, which serves to make fun of itself. Again using South Park as an example, the creators would often make their own beliefs and ideals the target of their ridicule. For example, it's fairly clear that the show speaks in favor of LGBT rights and for their being accepted as equals in society. However, they also go as far as to mock people who are so over-enthusiastic and pro-LGBT (to the point of hypocrisy). Another example is when the show begins to teach a moral lesson, the writers will often make fun of themselves through the character of Kyle for being so preachy. The effect of the show making fun of itself is two-fold. First, those of us whose beliefs South Park mocks feel like the show is being fair. Thus, we continue to listen to and respect the views of the creators, even if we don't always agree. Second, we trust the messages of a story more when it has the integrity to point out its own failings. Note that unlike with other scales, Reflective and Predatory Humor can actually be interwoven so that a joke or story makes fun of itself just as much as its target.

Range 5: Clever Humor

The last range of humor that we'll discuss is that of Clever vs Ridiculous. This range is fairly self-explanatory, but the core of its nature is what sort of punchline is delivered at the end of a humorous situation. Clever humor takes the audience expectation and amplifies or twists it to an unexpected place. You can see this in the work of comedians such as Louis CK and Demetri Martin. Martin, for example, has a humorous bit about doorways that say “Exit Only.” The joke then involves his compulsive desire to tell store workers that they underestimate the potential of those doors by about 50%. The delivery of the punchline is true and logical, but it such a way that it humorously exceeds audience expectation.

Range 5: Ridiculous Humor

Opposite of Clever Humor, we have ridiculous humor. This is when the punchline of a humorous situation is so absurd that we can't help but laugh. And example of this is the Spongebob Squarepants episode where he and Squidward get lost while delivering a pizza. They become lost in the wilderness and spend the episode becoming more and more so. Then, right at the end, Spongebob exclaims that they are saved because he's found a big beautiful boulder, the likes of which the pioneers used to ride for miles. And, to make matters even more ridiculous, the boulder works—driving just like a car. We find humor because the punchline is simply so grandiosely absurd that we can't help but enjoy it. Note that both Clever and Ridiculous humor require a great amount of skill and thought to pull off successfully, it's just a matter of your preference and your target audience.  

The Five Sources of Humor

Once we identify what type of humor we are employing by using the scales, the next thing to consider is what makes our stories funny. This is something of a challenge, because we don't generally put much thought into why humor makes us feel the way it does. The humor either hits or misses, and we laugh or we don't. Making matters even more complicated is that there are so many theories as to why and how humor works—with everyone from Aristotle to Freud interjecting an opinion. But if we look at the particular sorts of things that make people laugh, we can improve how we use humor in our stories.

Source 1: Misfortune  

Whether a cartoon character is slipping on a banana peel, or a character in a romantic comedy finds themselves in an embarrassing situation, the misfortune of others seems to be the most popular form of humor. This is why slapstick and funny home videos have been so prevalent in modern humor. Plato and Aristotle seemed to believe that this was because such humor made the audience feel superior to the characters being ridiculed (Superiority Theory). This seems especially true when we see unlikable characters (like the villain in a children's cartoon) experience misfortune in a comical way.  

Though Superiority Theory has its place, I would assert that there is an alternative way that people enjoy misfortune. Perhaps the experience of slipping on a banana peel or being in an embarrassing situation is funny because of our own memories of experiencing the same thing or something similar. Freud and others theorized that humor was a release of energy (Relief Theory). Maybe our camaraderie with the character, mixed with emotional distance from the scene we are watching, creates a safe space to release our own stored feelings of pain or embarrassment. Thus laughter really does become a healing force.

Source 2: Absurdity

In his essay “The Myth of Sisyphus”, Albert Camus defines and explains the absurd.

“It's absurd” means “It's impossible” but also “It's contradictory.” If I see a man armed with only a sword attack a group of machine guns, I shall consider his act to be absurd. But it is so solely by virtue of the disproportion between his interaction and the reality he will encounter. […] Likewise we shall deem a verdict absurd when we contrast it with the verdict the facts apparently dictated. (29)

Though Camus is not talking about humor (rather the existentialist question), I think that the absurd is a source of humor. Audiences are often entertained by the absurdity of a situation. And by looking at Camus' explanation, we can hypothesize that this form of humor comes from the disproportionate contrast of action and situation. An example of this might be one of the last battle-scenes in Braveheart. In this scene, victory looks unlikely, the dramatic tension is high, and it seems to be the most serious moment imaginable. Then, upon being signaled, the protagonist's soldiers pull up their kilts and reveal their bare asses to the enemy. It's so unexpected and so absurd, that many people cannot help but to keel over laughing.

This scene is completely disproportionate to what we would expect to see in this dramatic a moment. The action does not suit the situation, but in a strange way it also kind of does—with the action juxtaposing itself against the situation. Perhaps, just like with misfortune, absurd humor creates a needed release of energy, connected to our own sense of existentialist absurdism. The absurd could then serve to release our feelings of despair in a positive light. The show, Rick and Morty, seems to be built on this connection between absurd humor blended with existentialism and nihilism. Of course, this is just a theory. What you'll want to focus on when writing absurd humor is the relationship of your characters' actions to the situations that they find themselves in. Are they lost in the desert? Have them climb a boulder and ride it home. The stronger the contrast between action and situation, the higher you'll make the potential for absurdity.

Source 3: Wit

Wit is the essence of Clever Humor; its the pithy intelligence that makes us laugh because of all the thought put into a situation. When we hear a witty joke or are part of a witty situation, we find ourselves moving in a forward humorous momentum, instead of the backwards and diagonal momentum of the absurd. But we don't stop at the expected location. For example my mother called me a few months ago, asking me if I was going to wish my brother a happy birthday. The expected response for this sort of set-up/situation is to answer “Yes” or “No”. But I went forward and beyond “No” by asking why she wanted me to congratulate my brother for being one year closer to death (I have an acidic sense of humor sometimes). This reply was much more thoughtful than what my mother expected, and pointlessly taken beyond the realm of reason. Therefore, she found it funny.

Perhaps there is an element of the absurd in any given amount of witty humor. It's as if we are taking extra steps to be as intelligent and rational as possible—ending with us standing somewhere close to the absurd. Using Camus' illustration of absurdity, the soldier with a sword wouldn't necessarily attack the machine guns, but instead go home, refusing to sacrifice his life to be a metaphor. You can see this sort of humor in Youtube series such as How it Should Have Ended. In this series, animators take a closer look at popular movies and then make efforts to enforce logic in worlds and characters that didn't have them. This includes having Severus Snape use his time-travel gizmo to go back in time and kill Voldemort before he became a problem—an action that is so logical that it erases the need for any of the Harry Potter stories to even happen. So when you create witty humor, look to take things beyond the realm of expectation—aiming for the absurdly reasonable.

Source 4: Anti-humor  

Anti-humor is when something is so unfunny that it becomes funny, sort of like puns. As we find delight in the absurd and the unexpected, humor and jokes can begin to feel predictable. We begin to look for the solution in jokes, and we're usually smart enough to begin to be able to predict it. In this case, the expected becomes surprising. An example is the classic: “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.” If you haven't heard it before, this anti-humor joke is actually kind of funny. A great example of this are the great collection anti-jokes found online.  

You can take anti-jokes to the next level using extremely acidic humor. This is where you take serious, grievous, or tragic topics and use them as the punchline for your joke. For example, a joke about a fatal illness is not funny because the person making the joke finds that topic amusing (otherwise that person needs some counseling). A joke about fatal illness can be funny to some people for the exact opposite reason—because of how dark and unfunny it is. Again, I believe this ties into a release of negative energy while in a safe space, and the processing of difficult emotions. If you plan to use the extreme form of anti-humor, please note that many people have very legitimate reasons for not enjoying it. So be careful, and give your audience some sort of forewarning so that you do not spring something so emotionally charged on them without their consent.

Source 5: Familiarity and Value

When I was taking university writing classes, I had an extremely eccentric professor who had all sorts of mannerisms that were unique to him. In the moments when he was particularly eccentric and acting out of his true nature (which he was quite comfortable with), I would find myself laughing, even if the situation wasn't funny. I think others can relate to this, as we all love to talk about fun people that we used to know, and find ourselves laughing even when what we are remembering isn't particularly funny. We laugh because those people acting happily out of their own nature gave us joy, and so anything they do creates a laughter that feels akin to humor.  

This mirth through familiarity can be accomplished in stories as well. In Bob's Burgers, for example, we really don't even begin to understand the humor until we develop an attachment and feelings for each individual character. Sure the situations are mildly amusing, but true laughter and humor doesn't begin until we know the characters, their likes, their dislikes, and who they are deep down inside. Once we know that, we laugh as each character acts out of their nature. When we see Louise (one of the protagonists) act with mischievous intent, we laugh even before we know what she's doing because we are happy that she is about to act out of who she really is. Note that this is a rather difficult sort of humor to pull off because you have to create a relationship between the characters and the audience before the humor will be possible.

General Tips for Humor

Tip 1: Create a patterned and uniform blend of humor for your story.

When you choose what sort of humor you plan to use in your story, the best way of maintaining audience enjoyment is to keep it constant. Just like when we watch a stand-up comedian, we begin to develop a taste and sense of expectation for whatever we are watching or reading. Over time, your audience will begin to really appreciate the flavor of your humor, and that appreciation will make your jokes increasingly funny (so long as they are creative and continue to be intelligently crafted). The pattern will also make all of your jokes seem, feel, and become purposeful. Your audience will enjoy this much more than if you seem like you are desperately trying to milk the humor from anything you can get your hands on (you perv).  

I recommend you begin by analyzing the origins of humor in your story's world. Is the world simply absurd, with unseen gods of chaos just dropping coconuts on people's heads for pure amusement? Does the humor come from a specific character? A group of funny people living in a serious world that they must learn to cope with through humor? A funny narrator with a unique perspective on life? Once you figure out the origins, determine where your humor will fit on the scales (it doesn't have to be on any extreme, you can stay in the middle of the scales and still be hilarious); and then figure out the source.

Tip 2: Create a genuine story with genuine characters, in order for humor to gain the most power.

If we value stories in terms of how much people enjoy and remember them, the best humor stories are those with good plots and characters. This may seem counter-intuitive when your intent is to make your audience laugh, but think of it this way. If an audience wants just concentrated jokes, they will read a joke-book. Your audience is choosing to dredge through the murky waters of story in order to find the humor with more difficulty because they want a blend of story and humor.  

An example of this is the movie,“Austin Powers.” Many people, myself included, watched these movies before we ever watched the James Bond movies that they were making fun of. And we enjoyed them greatly, and laughed the entire way through. Why? Because the characters and story, ridiculous as they were, were good enough that we actually invested our interest and emotions into them. As an added bonus, the story has become timeless and respected in its own right. Even if we face a future where nobody knows who James Bond is, the Austin Powers movies will be able to stand on their own merit because they are more than just jokes.  

Tip 3: Be careful about dating yourself.

Speaking of parody and humor losing its ability to be funny, let's talk about references that date our stories. Humor at the expense of popular culture (movies, politicians, celebrities) is a fun ploy of high-humor. It's especially useful for nighttime comedy shows that will be lost to time anyways, within a couple years. When you are writing a novel, however, you are trying to create something that will last a bit longer than that. Additionally, novels take a lot longer to write than an episode of a late night comedy show. This means that by the time you publish and people begin to discover your book, they may not know who the vapid pop star you're making fun of is. Your humor will be lost to time, and your book quite possibly forgotten. Of course, I'm not telling you that you can't use this sort of humor, just that you should be aware of the risks it holds.

Tip 4: Mark every line that is supposed to be funny, and make sure that it is.

Nothing detracts from a story or from a spirit of jovial humor so much as an obvious joke that falls flat. It's like watching an acrobatics show. If the acrobat falls on their face too many times you'll either be embarrassed for them or you'll empathize and start worrying for their safety. Either way, you won't find the situation amusing. In your own personal copy of the manuscript, mark every joke for analysis of whether it actually succeeds and whether it serves to empower the story. Then, ask your editors, test-readers, and writing partner to circle every point that they genuinely found funny. Be sure to pick test-readers who fall into the niche you are writing for, as well as those who do not. If nobody but you marked a specific joke, then you need to either get feedback for how to make it funnier, or else cut it.

Tip 5: Write within your own expertise and authority.

This does not mean that you can't laugh at things, and poke fun at things that are outside your realm of expertise, so long as you have done your research. But consider the power of an insider making a joke about something that you are a part of vs an outsider doing the same. It would be like the difference between me calling most writers narcissists (as I am one, and know that it is pretty true in most instances) and a politician making a joke and calling writers narcissists. I mean, what right does that asshole have to judge us, even if it is true? The point is that your jokes gain power when you can tell them with the confidence of an insider. Not only that, but your audience who is a part of the group at the butt of the joke, will be much more gracious and feel far less attacked when the joke comes from one of their own.  

Tip 6: Humor is personal  

Humor is something that is highly individual to specific groups and people. For example, I do not understand, nor am I really able to appreciate most British or Spanish comedies. This is not because they aren't funny; they are just as valid and hilarious as every form of comedy that I do enjoy. The reason is simply that because of either how I was raised, my life experiences or because of who I am by nature, I can't enjoy them any more than I can enjoy olives on my pizza (seriously, I hate them). It doesn't matter how artfully these types of humor are composed, there is simply no effect akin to joy, amusement, or laughter when I come across them. In other words, the problem is me and not them.  

All this is to make three points. First, it may be more difficult to find test-readers and worthwhile criticism for humorous work. Even if I'm really good at critiquing stories, I will not be able to give you any helpful feedback if your humor doesn't match with mine. And that isn't your fault any more than it's my fault. It's just a difference in taste. Second, humor is as personal and close to the heart as any other story or craft. When you create a joke, you are channeling whatever emotions and mixes of experiences have led you to the type of humor you have. So recognize the emotional bond between yourself and your humor.  

The third piece of advice is for those on the other end of the spectrum, those experiencing the humor of others and perhaps trying to give advice. Please recognize that others' sense of humor is just as valid as yours. Whether their sense of humor is simple, complex, dry, witty, dark, acidic, sweet, or anything in between, it is their sense of humor and not yours. Be careful in how you voice any attempts at criticism, as there are few ways to break your friends' trust and confidence as completely as when you tell them, “That's not funny.” You might as well be telling them that their heart sucks, and they are a sucky person.  

Instead, acknowledge the differences in people's humor, value it even if that humor makes you uncomfortable, and voice your criticisms accordingly. Try: “This joke wasn't successful with me, and might be perceived as racist/bullying/insensitive to some readers; so seek other feedback to see if it's just me.” You will voicing just as honest an opinion, without formulating a direct attack against the person who has trusted you with something so delicate to them.  

Weekly Recommended Watching: Doraleous and Associates by Hank and Jed. (A free animated fantasy Youtube series that manages to successfully mesh several humor types with an over-arching plot. Examine how even there are plot elements that are serious and even sad, the series maintains its humor through well-balanced distance and wit. And if this form of humor does not amuse you, that is perfectly valid and your own unique sense of humor is still a valuable thing.)

[skylights2000]

I recently got a request for a Circus AU, so here we go! The person who made the request (I won’t name anyone since they requested to stay anonymous). They were a lot of help, especially since I don’t know much about circuses. Anyway, enough of my rambling! Enjoy!

A Day at the Circus

People filed into the large circus tent, some chattering excitedly with friends, some pointing out the amazing photographs and posters spread through the grounds. Each poster was signed by someone named Mahiru. The pictures were incredible, skillfully taken from varying angles.

As everyone gathered inside and took their seats, the lights dimmed, and the chatter died, plunging the room into silence.

That silence was broken by a loud ‘BOOM’. A spotlight came on just in time to catch a figure landing gracefully on the stage. The petite woman had long, strawberry blonde hair. She was wearing a fluffy, white dress that imitated the patterns of various playing cards, such as the ace of hearts, ace of diamonds, ace of spades, and ace of clubs. A small, black top hat adorned her head. She had on black, knee high boots and black, fingerless gloves. “My name is Miu Iruma, and I’ve got one question for you guys! Who’s ready to get this show started?!”

The crowd cheered wildly, everyone equally excited for what was to come.

“That’s what I’m fuckin’ talkin’ about! Please welcome our first act, the coolest swordswoman you’ll ever meet, Peko Pekoyama!”

The spotlight shifted, illuminating the form of a woman with long, silver hair tied into two braids. The light caught the smoke wafting from the cigar in her mouth. The cigar itself was large, almost looking too big for her to carry in her mouth.

The crowd quieted again as Peko drew her sword from the holster on her back. She reached into the box beside her and pulled out a firework, an actual stick of dynamite, and a small metal ball that made up a stereotypical mortar bombshell. She held each up to her face, lighting them with her cigar. The fuses sparkled as they were lit, but instead of placing them on the ground, she tossed them high into the air.

The crowd held its breath as they came plummeting back down. Peko moved faster than the audience could keep up with, slicing the fuse off each explosive before they even hit the ground. Applause broke out through the crowd, everyone staring in amazement. Peko held a finger to her lips, and once everyone had quieted down, she raised the sword over her head. She carefully took it by the blade and slid it down her throat, ignoring the collective gasps of shock from the audience.

She pushed the sword down until she reached the hilt; then, to everyone’s surprise, she pushed the hilt down too, smirking at the dumbstruck looks on most of the audience’s faces.

She bowed to the crowd and the spotlight above her head went out before the one above Miu returned. “Wasn’t that fuckin’ awesome?!” The crowd chanted in agreement, and she smiled. “Alright, next, we’re welcoming our acrobat of the century, Sonia Nevermind!”

The spotlight moved again, several lighting the area, while a larger one focused on the figure standing at the top of a high platform. She smiled and waved happily at the crowd before leaping off the platform. Several people gasped as she grasped a flying trapeze, doing a graceful backflip onto another platform.

She reached for what looked like a long silk rope. She moved fluidly and beautiful as she did tricks and danced to the gently swelling music. It was an incredible performance filled with skill and grace.

“Sexy, ain’t she?” Miu laughed once the act was over. “Next, we got another fun one! Go on and welcome our emo animal trainer, Gundham Tanaka!”

Said man was glaring heavily at her when the lights landed on him. Nonetheless, he smoothed out his dark shirt and turned to a large cage. Inside was a tiger, terrifying yet beautiful, it’s orange stripes seeming to glow under the circus lights.

Gundham held up a key, showing it to the crowd before unlocking the cage. Everyone tensed up instinctively, but they couldn’t help leaning forward in their seats to see what happened.

Gundham stood calmly in front of the tiger, extending his hand silently. The tiger sniffed it cautiously before it licked his hand.

He smiled softly as he led it further into the open, getting it to do several tricks, such as jumping through hoops and walking on its hind legs.

When the act was done, he bowed with a flourish of his cape, and the crowd ‘ooh’ed as the tiger folded its front legs, lowering into a bow as well.

“That tiger’s cool as hell!” Miu turned to them again with a laugh. “Alright folks, time for the final act! Please welcome, Hiyoko and TeruTeru!”

The lights lit up again, revealing a giant cannon. The cannon was incredible, covered in spirals of various colors with glittery, gold accents.

A man’s head was poking out of the top, and behind the cannon was a young girl, with big, blonde pigtails. She was wearing an orange kimono adorned with glittery, golden flowers. Gold ribbons attached various kinds of fireworks to her small body, the largest being a colorful rocket on her back.

The small girl carried a comically large pipe. It was golden and ornate with colorful sparks occasionally bursting from the lit end. She picked up the cannon fuse, puffed her pipe, and grinned as the sparks lit it. She took a few steps back. “Hold on tight, little man.” She called teasingly to TeruTeru, rubbing her hands together in excitement.

TeruTeru was launched into the sky with a loud boom, sailing through the top of the tent and into the sky above, disappearing with a blink.

Hiyoko laughed loudly, sparks exploding from her pipe, accidentally lighting the rocket on her back. She screamed loudly as she was launched into the sky. The rocket exploded, showering everything in colorful sparkles, several smaller fireworks lighting off in various colors and shapes.

Mikan, the carnival’s personal nurse, barely managed to catch Hiyoko as she plummeted back to the ground, covered in soot. The girl argued petulantly but let Mikan carry her out of the tent.

Meanwhile, Mahiru laughed nervously as she watched the two leave. Peko walked over and patted her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. This happens every time.”

Mahiru smile sheepishly. “I know. I just worry about them. Oh yeah, do you think TeruTeru will make it back in time to make dinner?”

Peko smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. “He’s never been one to miss a chance to show off his cooking skills.”

Mahiru giggled, covering her mouth with her hand to muffle it. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

As if on cue, TeruTeru popped up beside them with a grin. “Hey ladies, lookin’ good.”

They didn’t even get the chance to respond before Hiyoko appeared, pointing an accusing finger at him. “You made me blow up!”

“Huh? What are you talking about, sugar?”

“Don’t you ‘sugar’ me, you pervert! If you hadn’t made me laugh, my rocket wouldn’t have blown up!” Hiyoko didn’t give anyone a chance to say anything before she pulled out the giant mallet she loved to carry. She swung it hard at TeruTeru, sending him blasting off into the sky once again.

Mahiru and Peko watched him go, shielding their eyes from the sun with their hands. He disappeared with a small twinkle, and Mahiru raised her camera, snapping a quick picture of it before it disappeared.

“I guess dinner is canceled again?” She sighed.

Peko nodded. “It seems so.”

Mahiru lit up a new cigarette, taking a drag from it before responding. “We should really hide that mallet.”

[cornholio4]

Smoking!

Author’s note: this is based on the Mask from the violent Comic but it doesn’t get really violent here. The Mask has the origin from the movie though. Some of this is just me indulging.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng sighed as she was with her class at the field trip to the museum where Alix's dad and brother worked, things wereworking well with her and her class despite the fact that Lila kept up with her false stories with the class eating them up. She was on better terms with her class though she refused to indulge in listening to her lies or forget the threats that she had made.

Alix's brother Jalil was giving them a lecture at their Norse exhibit and was excited to tell them they were the first visitors to get a look at a new artefact sent to their exhibit. This got the class excited but it quickly died down when he took out an old plain looking wooden mask with eyes and a mouth hole.

Jalil stated they studied the connections between it and the Norse God of Mischief and Lies himself Loki but everyone had drawled out when they saw the mask. Lila began whispering to the classmates about some made up trip discovering lost artefacts of a probably made up nation. This got Marinette a bit annoyed but then found Tikki peeking her head out of her bag and was shivering with fright.

Marinette whispered to her asking what was going on not noticing Adrien running to a nearby pillar, before the Kwami could say anything Jalil asked if anyone would want to try it on for fun. Chloe pretty much pushed Marinette out to be in front of the group.

Marinette glared at her but then Jalil went to her asking if she was volunteering, Marinette jumped but then found her friends encouraging her. She slowly walked up to the table and picked up the mask. She put it to her face but then found it seaming like it was pulling herself to it.

Everyone immediately grew concerned and terrified as they saw the mask jump on Marinette's face and looked like it was expanding itself to cover her face while turning green...

Adrien Agreste had been watching the lecture with his class and was about to make a joke with Nino about how plain the mask looked but then had Plagg whispering while in his shirt pocket. Adrien then sneaked to a nearby pillar to ask Plagg what he was doing risking himself being seen. However he was taken aback by how uncharacteristically terrified Plagg looked.

"Adrien, listen to me... You have to transform right now and Catacalysm that mask right now! It's dangerous and I will never forget when a Norse warrior I was with at the time had to fight a Viking who wore it. It was awful and the nearby villages pretty much would have preferred Ragnarok! I curse the day Loki created that awful thing! Never did like those Norse gods! Still Odin's trickster brother was pretty much better than that Cronus guy from the Titans but that's not saying much!" Plagg told him and Adrien looked at him in disbelief.

"Plagg, that things looks like a cheap prop and you say it is some sort of dangerous artefact? That it's like Miraculous?" Adrien asked unconvinced as Plagg looked at him dead serious but then Adrien noticed something. "Wait did you say brother? But isn't Loki the son of Odin?" Adrien asked and Plagg slapped his face.

"They were brothers, I can assure you! Despite what those comic books and movies would have you belief, but let's focus and prioritise!" Plagg snapped right back and Adrien found this hysterical. Plagg lecturing him on priorities, this was something for the history books.

"Now, we have to transform and do something before anyone gets close enough to that mask that..." Plagg told him but then heard a whirling sound and then looked and saw that Marinette was standing there with a crazed look on her face. She was wearing a yellow suit version of her usual clothes and her face was a bit bigger while colored dark green. "Too late..." Plagg muttered and then realised the implications of Marinette in particular wearing the blasted mask, Adrien now realised too late that Plagg may have been onto something.

"Plagg, Claws Out!"

*PB*

Marinette had transformed and found herself feeling... free! Her friends looked at her all worried wondering if this was some weird Akuma and they just didn't see the butterfly. Marinette then found herself smiling gleefully.

"Look, Dupain-Cheng finally got a makeover and I think it was an improvement..." Chloe started only for Marinette to take out a big glass cage out of seemingly nowhere and put her and Lila in it while shutting it tight.

"Wow, my two biggest tormentors together at last! They really deserve eachother as friends, to think that fanfic writers thought Chloe you would be the lesser of the two evils despite you know never even apologising for almost getting my parents killed!" Marinette said with a big smile looking at them both trying to force the door open. Marinette then continued her tirade "yes I am breaking the fourth wall like that mouthy merc and I don't care. He wasn't even the first Marvel character to have the gimmick, She- Hulk (big fan as a green faced heroine myself) did it before him! Besides Deadpool will have no chance to complain as he is too busy writing his will before his end is met when Ipkiss wearing the Mask takes him down in Deadpool's 3rd Death Battle!" Marinette then noticed the class and staff heading for the doors.

Marinette then pulled out a lasso and then roped them into it while dragging them back, "come on friends, as you're Everyday Ladybug I can't let you miss what is a good show! I can promise you it will be something, there are fanfics of me Akumatized to deal with Lila but this is something special! This is not the Mask from the funny movie starring Robotnik from the upcoming Sonic movie (which you should see when it comes out) or the funny cartoon that spun off from it but the original Dark Horse comics! I promise you, they were not for the faint of heart! They were basically a reverse of that stupid Banana Splits movie or the upcoming Fantasy Island movie: so instead of taking something light hearted or at least nice into a horror property, they turned a horror property into a family friendly comedy! Can't say I disapprove but I got the powers from the comics, where the cartoon physics extend to only me. So if I fed you a bomb then well..." Marinette stated but then noticed Chat Noir was there.

"Sorry Princess, but can I ask please ask if you can handover that mask and sorry but I don't think the green face look suits you." Chat Noir told Marinette charging with his staff only for Marinette to take out a large mallet and send Chat Noir flying right through the door.

"Marinette girl, please! This isn't you! I don't understand a word of what you are saying or what happened to you but please! Give the mask up and get help!" Alya asked but Marinette shook her head as she looked at her.

"Wow Alya you are trying to be a good friend unlike in other salt fics, like those recent ones pairing me with Damian Wayne. I dont really understand that as...I am just not into Gotham City guys!" Marinette exclaimed pretty much singing the last part of what she just said. She then smirked as she just got an idea about what to do with her two prisoners.

She then got out a dressing cubicle and skipped right in. Not a second later she was now in a stag magician's outfit complete with a cape and a top hat. She then got out a box for the 'sawed in half' trick.

"Now, the first trick of the Great Big Head will be familiar to those you watched that Banana Splits movie I mentioned, the one where they took an old and highly underappreciated cute fun variety show and turned it into a lame FNAF rip off! But I will be pulling it off better because the movie version didn't use this!" Marinette said pulling a chainsaw from her cape.

She then got form the cage and pulled out Chloe before locking it again, she put Chloe in a box as she looked terrified and Marinette said with glee "remember what I said about the cartoon physics only affecting me? I guess you can also see this as a rip off from the trailer for that Fantasy Island movie? The one about getting revenge on a childhood bully? A scene in a trailer of a movie that wants to use the name for it's stupid horror movie? A show that was parodied by a Daffy Duck movie and an episode of Teen Titans Go that were better adaptations of the show!" Marinette asked darkly and Chloe was now screaming in terror as Marinette's classmates closed their eyes fearing the worse.

Marinette then dropped it and used another lasso to barely catch Chat Noir, "You know now that I mention it, I somehow seem to know a whole lot about a comic book and a TV show that were both made before I was even born! I mean Fantasy Island is decades old and I am just acting as a mouthpiece for the author at this point and hopes this works by acknowledging he is doing this." Marinette shrugged pulling Chat Noir in.

"You have been a great sparring partner and partner in general Chat Noir; here is a free copy of the first issue of my new comic!" Marinette told him patting him on the head like a kitty and then tucking into the lasso the first issue of I Pledge Allegiance to the Mask.

Then Marinette went to the box where Chloe was still in but then had Lila scream out "Marinette please let me out! I am sorry for the threats i made to you in the bathroom! I am sorry for threatening to steal all your friends away! I will stop lying, I promise! I will help you with anything! I will even tell you what I know about Hawk Moth when working with him! I promise please!" Lila was now in tears but everyone in the class were now speechless as to what she had just said.

"Lila admitting to save her own skin; would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic... It's thanks to you and your anonymous posting that the anonymous comments on the AO3 version of this story will have to be disabled! I will get to you in a second but first I already have a volunteer..." Marinette said picking her chainsaw back up again.

"Marinette, this isn't you! I know Chloe is a pretty terrible bully and I don't know what Lila had been saying to you behind our backs but you are better than this! You go through with this I know you will hate yourself when you are back to normal! This will scar you and destroy you! Think of your parents and us, we care about you! My brother Luka thinks of you as the song in his heart!" Juleka suddenly shouted and this gave Marinette pause.

"Using not only your brother but my parents to convince me to drop this. Low blow Juleka but I can't argue that like a good Pokemon move... It's super effective!" Marinette said quietly as she managed to force the mask off her face. She then suddenly shrieked as she then let everyone out of the lasso and they hugged her greatly.

However an Akuma came akumatized Chloe into a villain called Jack in the Box. Marinette helped get all her friends, classmates, the staff and Lila through the exit and then transformed into Ladybug to help Chat Noir once he was free.

*PB* Hawk Moth was in his lair observing what happened and was in shock and a bit scared, something other than his Akumas were capable of creating powerful villains it seemed. Ones he doubted he could control even if he was wearing that Mask. That Mask took one of the nicest girls in Adrien's class (the one he had yet to Akumatize) and turn her into a twisted cartoon.

He took a while before sending out an Akuma; too busy contemplating everything that this could mean. This Mask could destroy everything he had worked to achieve and if his Akuma brought it to him, he would have it thrown into the farthest waters.

*PB* Marinette was pretty horrified and scared about what happened when she saw the CCTV footage and heard the stories from her classmates. Ms Bustier personally escorted Marinette back home and she was forced into a big hug by her parents. Once she got a chance to be alone Tikki explained to her about Loki's mask.

The news broadcast said that the Mask would be taken to a secure facility outside of Paris, so hopefully she would not have to deal with it again. She had gotten a few days off from school as unlike most Akuma villains, she had to deal with the knowledge she was close to murdering a classmate with a chainsaw.

What she had almost done terrified her as she never wanted this on either of them, she can't say she had much positive feelings towards them but this was overkill. She doubted she could even use any lethal action against even Hawk Moth who was an evil Super Villain of his own volition.

She got messages from her friends checking in to make sure she was alright, her grandfather Roland came by with a special cake he had made from an old family recipe and there was Luka who looked more worried than she had ever saw him.

In the mail she ended up getting a letter from an American police officer by the name of Kellaway inviting her to join an online support group for those affected by the Mask. Apparently it had gotten around in the US ever since it was bought by a man called Stanley Ipkiss. Hopefully that Mask doesn't bother anyone again...

[unabashedrebel]

I'm a sucker for fluff, especially between Kiro and his daughter. Could you write some more of them? Whether it's them doing simple things like trying to garden or roaming the streets, to more serious things like training or fighting together, I'm sure it'll be great! Hell, I'd read them just staring at each other happily.

Darkmoon Faire was the type of event that brought all corners of Azeroth together. A week of unabashed revelling and celebration of the simple joys in life unrestrained by the constant war and unfettered by the racial grudges. It was just fun for the very sake of it. The grounds were often filled from the simplest of farmers to the most hardened of veterans, and everyone in between. Soriya and Kirollis embodied that spectrum, and exemplified the family bonding moments that the Faire offered.After a day of small stakes carnival games, fried food of all varieties, a concert the pair found themselves wandering the grounds well into the night. Striding side by side as Soriya munched on a overly large stack of cotton candy and Kirollis comically carried an oversized bear strapped to his back.“So what do you want to do now?” The rogue asked curiously, figuring they had seen most of what the event had to offer. Though it never hurt to ask if there was a stone left uncovered.“We still have the petting zoo!” Soriya excitedly exclaimed pointing toward the ever dwindling crowd surrounding the collection of exotic animals.Kirollis stroked his chin as he looked over, contemplating the suggestion though he wasn’t quite sold. A glint in his eye, however, signalled that his attention had shifted as he glanced over to another game that they had yet to play. “I think I have a better idea…” The rogue stated with a devious smirk.Soriya looked at him curiously,“Oh? Do tell.” She goaded, but before she could receive and answer Kirollis was off, headed toward whatever it was he spotted. With an endearing sigh, the young monk padded behind him with vague interest.The mallet challenge, a litmus test of strength for all comers brave enough to swing the hammer. Kirollis halted before it as that smile of his grew wider. It had been some time since Soriya had shown him up when it came to shows of strength and the rogue was itching for some payback.“Think you’re up for it?” Kirollis teased.“Do you really want to get embarrassed again?” Soriya stated confidently.“Oh so you -do- know what this is about. Yeah, totally owe you a bit of payback for our weight training game.”“Okay, what are the stakes?”“If I win I get a puppy.” Kirollis stated with his chin held high.“Okay….” Soriya replied with a sigh, slowly shaking her head. “If I win you’re eating the rest of this cotton candy.” She said with a grin to match his own.With his mouth open and jaw hanging down, Kirollis would take a moment to collect himself. “Veto.” He finally mustered.With an eye roll in reply, “Really? Are you that worried, dad?” Soriya said with a chuckle. “Fine, if I win you have to try yoga with me.”“You mean that thing with the stretch pants?! I’m not wearing stretch pants…”“....it’s not about stretch pa-- You know what? Pick up the hammer. Lets go.”Kirollis smirked with a shrug, rubbing his hands together excitedly as he approached the games station. “So what do you think for dog names? Do you think Tiberius is a loyal and noble name?” He asked rhetorically over his shoulder before directing his attention to the game master. “Two goes please.” Digging into his pocket to produce a few tickets the faire used as currency.“Ahhhh, you’re looking to test your might against this young one?” The muscle-bound human operator with an exquisite mustache stated, offering up an open palm hand toward Soriya. Undoubtedly underestimating the younger Duskhavens mettle. Both “-She’s- stronger then she looks.” and “-I’m- stronger then I look.” Rung out in unison as both Duskhavens echoed one another.“My mistake.” The operator rescinded rather quickly. With a healthy stretch of his arms, Kirollis would lift the oversized hammer fit for a budget paladin. “Watch and learn young blood.” The rogue said over his shoulder. Soon after heaving the mallet up well over his head and cocking it back behind him, and with a fluid motion, crashing it down onto the target before him. The result was a tick of metal flinging up the vertical indicator, the numbers of which showing where one stood on the strength scale. Kirollis, it seemed, landing somewhere around seven and a half. “This things rigged.” Kirollis lamented, clearly unsatisfied with his results. “I want my tickets back.” He stated defiantly with a scrunched up face.“I’m sorry sir, there’s no refu--” The operator tried to get out.“Don’t worry about him, he’s joking.” Soriya was quick to defend her fathers antics. Stepping up forward to take the hammer from Kirollis, giving him a look. “Really pop? Going to start with the cheating thing before I even take my turn?” She teased.Mimicking Kirollis, Soriya would take the hammer and cock it back behind her head. Slightly bent knees helped drive the motion home as she fluidly and forcefully flung the hammer forward aimed at the target. Once again the metal vessel flew upward toward the prized bell at top, this time however, a loud ding came with it as the vessel hit the bell indicating a perfect ten.The rogue, now off to the side, turned away from the game with his face covered by a hand. It wasn’t entirely legible what he was saying, but Kirollis was grumbling something awful. And he continued to grumble even more as Soriya walked by with a pat to his shoulder, “So tomorrow morning, then?”“...yeah….” Was all Kirollis was able to muster without a few profanities. “I’m still not wearing stretch pants.”“Believe me- that’s the last thing I want to see.” Soriya joked with a nudge to the same shoulder she had just patted. “Think you can get over your not-so-stunning loss quick enough to see the animals before they close?” The monk chirped, content to be a decent winner about it all.“....yes. Let's go do things that don’t emasculate me….” Kirollis concluded as he skulked behind Soriya toward the petting zoo.{Ask and you shall receive nonny. Thanks for the prompt ^.^}

[despairingvacation]

EXECUTION [2]: HIBIKI WATARU

A body has been discovered, and it has soon come clear that none other than the Ultimate Magician, Hibiki Wataru, is the one guilty of committing such a crime. The monitors behind Monokuma flashed and showed everyone’s votes, and although some had voted for a completely different people: the majority of votes still came to Hibiki Wataru. 

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE FOUND THE KILLER! 

The trial room grows silent, as it dawns on everyone that no matter how hard they try to convince themselves otherwise - Wataru, the one who had gone on an angry tangent just a few weeks ago over Goro murdering Noah, had gone and murdered himself. It’s ironic, isn’t it? Ah, it must be the lack of sleep...

Try as hard as he might to show that everything was going to be okay- that everyone should hate him, Wataru’s act just wasn’t enough to get past our Ultimate Actor’s head. 

Speaking up from his long moment of silence, Bendy takes in a deep breath and looks up towards Wataru. “...Wataru, aren’t’ya scared?”

The question seemingly catches Wataru off guard. But he smiles nonetheless,giving nothing but assurance to his fellow classmates and teachers. He turns his attention up towards Monokuma, and through a smile, speaks up. 

"Well? They have voted. Is it not time for my final performance☆?"

To this, Monokuma laughs. It seems that there’s something off about the way he laughs, but nobody has any time to question it before he speaks up.  "You're right! This goopy waterworks stuff is really boring me, you know.. And!" He pauses for that dramatic effect.

"You wanted a final performance, huh? Sure. I'll respect that wish of yours. After all, I've already chosen the perfect assistant for you!"

Monokuma’s statement is one that catches everyone off guard, including Wataru. Wataru’s expression turns to one of confusion, as he begins to speak up. "...What? I-- do not have assistants, you see...☆!"

“But, of course you do!” Monokuma raises his mallet, spinning in place. He’s definitely showing it off, to nobody’s surprise. He stands up in his seat, his voice booming. 

“Let's give a round of applause for Wataru Hibiki, the Ultimate Magician, and his reluctant, unwilling bastard of an assistant, Bendy, the dancing demon!”

Wataru’s eyes widen and his smile immediately drops upon hearing the name of his chosen assistant. His once calm and solemn look turned to one of fear, and the most he could bring himself to say was, “...What?” 

Bendy could only perk up upon hearing his name. Feeling his inky heart pound against his chest, it took him a second to realize that he was indeed being talked about - that he was chosen to be Wataru’s assistant. This-- this couldn’t be because he refused to vote on his own terms, was it...? Try as hard as he might, Bendy couldn’t find the right words to say. 

“Besides, ain’t it perfect? You two wanted to put on a grande performance for everyone, anyways!” Monokuma slams his mallet down on the large, comically sized button in front of him, his signature laugh filling the room.

Wataru and Bendy’s eyes both widen in fear upon hearing this. Of course, they had wanted to put on a performance for everyone- but it was to lift up the spirits of everyone after the events of the previous trial. Not this, please, for the love of god- Not this. Wataru slams his hands down on his podium, his voice now raising at a volume nobody ever expected out of him. "No! You-- you cannot drag anyone else into this, see? This is my punishment! You--"

It’s too late, Wataru. 

tw: impalement and blood.

> GAME OVER. 

> WATARU HIBIKI HAS BEEN FOUND GUILTY. 

> TIME FOR THE PUNISHMENT!

Before your eyes is a stage, something not unlike you’d see some magicians looking to get their name known performing on back home. Nothing seems amiss about it at first, but you notice the bright red curtains drawn tightly together, and looking a bit closer to the front of the stage than they normally would be. Ah, but you don’t have much time to dwell upon that--for the show is about to start! 

 > BEGIN THE FINAL PERFORMANCE.

 Hibiki Wataru stands tall upon the stage in front of the tightly-drawn curtains, with Bendy poised alongside of him as the magician’s ‘assistant.’ The crowd consists almost entirely of Monokuma copies (save for you, their peers, who can do nothing but watch from the very back of the room), and all eyes are upon Wataru as he attempts to start by performing some of the simpler magic tricks--card tricks, and pulling things out of a hat! ...But each and every one he tries, oddly enough, somehow fails to be properly executed. Almost as if he were rigged for failure. 

 Regardless, with each failed trick the dissatisfied jeers and objects thrown from the Monokuma crowd grow louder and more intense. It seems as though Wataru is visibly forcing himself to keep smiling as the protests thrown his way grow more violent. After one too many desperate attempts to get something to work, it seems the unsatisfied crowd demands something more, they came to be astounded, after all! Bendy feels something tug at his wrist, urging him to pull the curtains much to his dismay, revealing behind them a setup that might seem familiar only to anyone knowledgeable enough about famous magician’s tricks.

Set up behind the curtains is a table--steel and sturdy, though you can immediately notice a number of restraints attached to it at each of the elongated legs holding it just above the stage. It all seems to be the perfect size for a certain magician, doesn’t it? A little ways above the table is what seems to be a curtain raised up high, with some sort of lever meant to lower and raise the thing as needed, it appears. And what’s behind the curtain--well. Most of what the contraption is has become silhouetted by the curtain, but you have no doubt about what you see. There’s some rather deadly looking spikes protruding from the steel sheet that hangs ominously above the table. 

 The Monokuma crowd has waited--only long enough that both you and the magician standing upon stage can get a look at what’s in store, before they grow impatient with anticipation and start to cheer for the next act to begin. His lovely inky assistant begins to move; though it’s clear he doesn’t want to, visibly struggling to keep himself from progressing the inevitable. But the shock band is once again around his wrist, and it seems that the more he struggles, the more pained he appears to be. Bendy has no choice but to push Wataru back, back onto the table, all the while the magician attempts to keep that same smile upon his face. Is he trying to make this better? Certainly that’s not going to change anything… 

The magician’s assistant again has no choice but to proceed with attaching the restraints to his body. There are cuffs binding Wataru’s wrists to two of the contraption’s legs, and two more binding his ankles in a similar fashion. They almost appear comically oversized, but that’s probably the intention here. After all, Wataru loved to amuse people, didn’t he!

Once it seems the magician is certainly and securely restrained to the table, his assistant seems to be almost pulled aside, as Monokuma briefly appears to place something next to him--a ridiculously large timer that he sets up next to Bendy at the base of the contraption, right by the lever. It’s easy to tell that Bendy’s visibly uncomfortable, with the way he’s doing his best to struggle against Monokuma’s orders. Cackling to himself, the Monokuma assistant starts the timer before he scurries right back off--only a minute long, but at this point you’re fairly certain you can guess what comes once it reaches zero. And from the looks of things, Wataru and Bendy are both aware themselves. The moment the timer starts, Wataru begins to struggle in place, pulling as hard against the restraints as he possibly can; how odd, that you can’t ever recall him looking as desperate as he does now. Seconds tick away almost dreadfully slow, as you continue to watch Wataru trying his damned hardest to pull away, as Bendy is forced to stand there to witness first hand, all the while the magician relentlessly tries to slip his wrists out, release his ankles, something, anything--until the countdown reaches fifteen seconds. Suddenly, his struggling stops, as he relaxes himself against the table and he almost seems to be laughing… no. He isn’t laughing. 

The timer ticks down--ten seconds left, and he tilts his head away from the crowd, and for a second you’re not sure what he’s looking at. But then you understand. 

Five seconds left--it seems he’s smiling sadly towards Bendy, perhaps an attempt at reassurance, but nothing about this scenario is reassuring in the slightest. 

Two seconds--you can just barely see a tear falling down his cheek. Is he…?

One second, then zero--the timer rings, and it almost feels like what happens next is a nightmarish blur. 

Bendy’s body moves unwillingly to pull down hard on the lever, and the curtain slides down to turn your view of Wataru’s body into nothing but a silhouette; then, barely even a second later, the contraption that had been hanging ominously above the table falls too. You understand what the curtain’s purpose is, now. 

 When the contraption releases, the spikes fall down, and the curtain is immediately painted with a horrendous, vivid color that you seem to recognize all too well by this point in time. 

 It’s certainly a good thing that curtain is there; though even then, you can still slightly see the silhouette of that magician’s body limp against the table, pierced through and through, now devoid of all life. 

For the first time in what feels like ages, Bendy’s able to move on his own free will. He finds himself staring up at the silhouette of the magician he had grown so accustomed to, and he falls to his knees. He’s unable to form any words, only able to stare at the silhouette in dead silence as the shock band around his wrist falls to the floor.

[love-girls-and-alcohol-blog]

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[angstandhappiness]

BAH HAH

Did i just smell someone who didn't get 8 hours of sleep last night?