#please know that i love and care about all of u and think of u often
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redwinelew · 2 days ago
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j'adore | lewis hamilton
social media au. black + actress!reader
summary there has been a rumour going around that you and lewis are dating, and while that's true, you and him decided to take a different approach in order to confirm your relationship
face claim zendaya bcs everybody loves zendaya
song fashion by lady gaga
warnings inaccurate timeline probably idk, not proofread bcs i couldn't be bothered
author's note inspired by those pics this week 😋😋
english is not my first language. all pictures taken from instagram, pinterest and twitter. credit to owners.
masterlist | requests are CLOSED!
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f1gossipofficial
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liked by user, user and 12,637 others
f1gossipofficial Lewis Hamilton's newest rumoured wag, Y/N L/N in New York City today.
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user excuse me that's a two times emmy winning actress y/n l/n to YOU
user she's so pretty
user never heard of her before
user user watch challengers!! she was so damn good in it
user user oh i didn't know she was an actress??
user user also a fashion icon 😋😋
user user a perfect girl for lewis then lol
user i refuse to believe that this was not a photoshoot
user user girlie really casually walks out of her house looking like this
user god really does have a favorite
user i wanna be her when i grow up
user idk if i wanna be her or lewis or both
user lewis has a great taste in women
ynln
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liked by lewishamilton, gongyoo_official and 7,272,947 others
ynln thank you harpersbazaar 🩶🩶 never thought i'd look good in grey or a suit or both
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user Y/N IN A SUIT OH MY GOD
user i'm so gay
user she can step on me and i will still worship the ground that she walks on
user *saoirse ronan meme* WOMEN—
user THE SUIT AND THE CURLS!!!!!!
user now that's a real it girl
user first black then grey.... guys hear me out ive connected it
user didn't michael b jordan already wore this same suit? 😭
user user and y/n wore it better!!
user lewis in the likes lol he aint slick
user user i dont think he was ever trying to be 😭😭
lancomeofficial
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liked by oliviarodrigo, lewishamilton and 189,628 others
lancomeofficial Introducing ynln as our newest Lancôme ambassador 🤍
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user *me hyperventilating* guys stay calm
user lewis in the likes again....
user user his ass is always liking posts about y/n 😭😭
user user couple goals honestly
user first black then grey then WHITE???? what is she trying to tell us 😭😭
user user this was just bunch of pictures for the lancome lol pls
user user do u know who her stylist is? LAW FREAKING ROACH. he's been styling her since the dawn of time. and y/n is too pr-trained for stuff like this to just be a coincidence. she's trying to tell us something.
user user and i thought taylor swift fans are the craziest ones 😭😭
user i love how these comments are about y/n and lewis 😭😭 nobody cares about the lancome thing
user if the white means that she's already married to lewis i will honestly end it all
ynln user that's too far fetched
user ynln THEN WHAT IS IT JUST TELL US PLS 😭😭😭😭😭😭
ynln user lol 😉😉
ynln
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liked by imsebastianstan, georgerussell63 and 5,837,044 others
ynln sagawards 🌷🩷 thank u for having me as one of the presenters and congratulations to all of the winners
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user WE'RE GOING WITH PINK NOW??????
user oh this dress EATS
user user nobody loves y/n l/n as much as law roach does
user y/n please my gf is on this app 😭🙏🏼
user guys i lied i haven't connected shit idk what she's teasing us with these colors
ynln user i'm disappointed but pls try again
user ynln OH KY GOD I LOVE U 😭😭😭😭😭😭
user george in the likes...... georgerussell63 tell us what you know NOW 🔪
georgerussell63 user I'm just a huge fan!
user georgerussell63 uh huh sure 🤨🤨 i'm watching u boy
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ynln
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liked by simoneashley, daisyedgarjones and 14,826,244 others
ynln wearing red for my ferrari man ❤️🥀 lewishamilton
tagged lewishamilton
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user WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT
user ALL OF THOSE OUTFITS WERE LEADING UP TO RED BECAUSE HE'S WITH FERRARI THIS YEAR OHHHHHH
user user i have no words
user user this is so fucking genius
ynln user knew u could figure it out 😉😉
user LAW ROACH AND Y/N L/N YOU TWO HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!!!!
user user i bet lewis was in this too 😭😭
ynln user it was his idea. wore red in front of of him once and he was drooling
user ynln WJAHDJEKSHKS WHAT
lewishamilton ynln i was not
ynln lewishamilton really? what was last night then?
lewishamilton ynln do you want me to rip your clothes again?
ynln lewishamilton is that an offer?
user ynln AYO????
user i'm hyperventilating
user i expected no less from the met gala co-chairs
user this is so extra lmfao i love it 😭🙏🏼
user the ferrari and this relationship launches will go down in history. what a moment.
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taglist @anamiad00msday @nothaqks @seonghwaexile @unknownmystery22 @becca-bec0a @nothing-just-an-inchident16 @glitteryturtledeer @greantii
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imsofreakingtired · 1 day ago
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Hi! I love your writing <3
I wanted to ask,can you please write something about really drunk Sevika being vulnerable with reader and reader comforting her?
Maybe drunk Sev talking about how tired she is or her expressing some insecurity?
anon i love this ask so much, here u go<3
tired (angst, hurt/comfort)
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content warning(s): alcohol abuse, heavy(ish?) angst
“you haven’t felt right for days is it the fact you never say what comes in your mind that day? maybe it’s time to shut away ‘cause i’ve never really felt okay.” 
~~~
You can’t find Sevika anywhere—she’s not at the Last Drop, she’s not at the harbor, and no one in the Shimmer warehouse has seen her all day. You finally find her up in Silco’s empty office, sitting on the couch, nursing a bottle of hard liquor and staring blankly at the wall in front of her. Her prosthetic arm is detached, propped up against the low table. You remember that Silco’s away on a trip uptown for the night, something about him needing to buy things for Jinx’s room. The room is so silent you can hear everything in the streets outside—the fights, the drunk laughter, the rumble of wheels. Somewhere deep beneath the building you hear the distant boom of an explosion—Jinx must be working on her experiments. 
“Sevika?” you say in a low voice. She gives a start, stares at you like she’s never seen you before. 
“Hey,” she says. Her gaze is slightly unfocused, and in the dim light of the lamp the rings beneath her grey eyes look deeper and heavier than you remembered. 
“You okay?” 
You approach her slowly. You’ve never seen her like this before—sitting in this slouched position, hand limp, absent-minded. You feel a sudden concern. Is she sick? But that was like wondering if the sun shined at night. Sevika didn’t get sick. 
“I’m fine,” Sevika says gruffly. 
You feel her forehead anyway. Half-heartedly, she bats your hand away. You’re closer to her now and can smell the alcohol on her breath.
“Hey,” Sevika says again. “Why do you stick around?”  
“What?” 
She raises the bottle to her mouth, but seems to decide even that motion requires too much energy. She lets the bottle roll onto the floor. It was empty anyway. 
“I’d leave me, y’know, if I could,” Sevika mutters. “So why don’t you.” 
Then you understand. The slurring of words. The heavy tone. She’s drunk. This is somehow even more alarming than if she were sick. Sevika doesn’t get drunk. She has a powerful alcohol tolerance and disciplines herself with a limit to how much she can drink each day. She can’t afford to get carried away, doesn’t have the time to let herself fully escape from the world. There’s just too much to do. Silencing Silco’s opponents. Overseeing shipments. Bribing Piltie suppliers. Making deals with the magistrates of Zaunite districts. And, lately, cleaning up Jinx’s messes. 
At any rate, though, she’s drunk now—no doubt about it. You’re almost fascinated. Working at the Last Drop, you’ve seen any number of drunks: some sobbed loudly about past wrongs, some picked violent fights, some jumped up on tables and sang. But Sevika is collected even in intoxication. Her voice is subdued, and she looks more tired than anything. 
“I stick around because I care about you,” you say matter-of-factly, sitting down beside Sevika. 
“I’m no good,” she says. “I’ve been thinking about it. I’m no good. You deserve better.” 
“Don’t say that, Sevi. It isn’t true.”
There’s something desperate in the way she’s looking at you—a raw plea in her eyes. You cup her face in your hand, raising her chin to look her in the eye. “Hey,” you say softly. “It’s okay. Talk to me.” 
She looks away. “I feel like I’m holding up a crumbling brick wall. I’m walking through these streets and I see these kids, you know, playing in the gutter and looking up at me with their hungry eyes, and my chest gets so tight I think I might die.” She shakes her head, draws in a shuddering breath. “It’s never enough. No matter what I do, what choices I make. It’s never enough. I’m never enough.” 
“You’re doing all you can.”
“I’ve done horrible things. I close my eyes and I see these…these faces, these twisted angry faces, cursing me for what I’ve done to them.”
“You didn’t have a choice.” 
“I had the choices. I made all the wrong decisions.” Her voice breaks and she stops abruptly, biting her lip. “I just…I just don’t know myself anymore.” 
“I know you,” you tell her. “And I know you’re doing your best. I know you’re more than enough.” 
She looks at you tiredly. You wrap your arms around her, rubbing her broad shoulders.
“It's okay, Sevi. I’m here.” 
With a deep sigh she rests her head in your lap, and you stroke her hair until she falls asleep. You don’t leave her side even after you hear her slowed breathing. You stay there, running your fingers through her hair, threading out the heavy thoughts, warding away the nightmares. She won’t remember this in the morning. She would deny she ever gave a thought to any of what she told you, let alone spoke them aloud. So you store her secrets in your heart for her. If you could take away her burdens by doubling your own, you would. 
In her sleep, Sevika clings tightly to you.
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oceandelreysworld · 2 days ago
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Hard times
Homophobic parents, vi comforts reader. Fluff(Angust to) a/u. Vi x reader.
You never thought you'd end up crying in the rain at Vi's doorsteps, but here you are. Kicked out of your house because your parents found out that you have a girlfriend...
You knocked at her door, not even 10 seconds later, she opened the door with wide eyes as you rushed into her arms.
"Hey hey hey, y/n what's wrong?" Vi asked while she rubbed your back, bringing you inside, closing the door. You started sobbing into her arms, and all she could do was stand there and wait for you to answer. As you picked your head up off her shoulder, she cupped your face as your eyes drifted off from her face. You couldn't look at her.
"They..they found out. They found out about everything. They found out about me, you, us. I'm so sorry. I really tried. And I know I shouldn't have just-" you rambled on so fast you didn't realize when she put her lips on yours. Your heart was racing, body tence, but Vi has always been here for you to come back to and to comfort you. Your body relaxes as her kiss lingers.
She slowly backs away from the kiss, resting her forehead on yours. Both of your eyes are closed.
"You don't ever have to apologize to me. Especially for being yourself. Okay?"
She wiped your tears away with her thumbs. You okay your eyes to find hers looking back at you.
"Okay...Vi I never...I never meant for you to get caught up in all of...this. Whatever this is. Their problems always reflect on me, which just falls back on you-"
"Honey, listen to me. I. Do. Not. Care. Fuck em. All that matters to me is you. I don't care what they think of me. I care about you and us."
She's soft with her voice, but you can tell she's being serious and stern. Vi means what she says. It comes from the deepest part of her heart.
You are her soul tie. Her string of balance. She's your twin flame. Your everything.
"Please understand when I say I love you. I love your mind, your body, your soul, even your damn stubbornness."
You both lightly laugh as you lean into her hands, placing your hand on top of hers.
"Vi is do, but I don't want to keep relying on you for everything. I'm helpless. I feel like I keep taking advantage of you. I fall back onto you when everything goes wrong."
You sob lightly, trying to catch your breath. Her eyebrows frowned, looking at you in the eyes.
"Oh my sweet girl...I'm here for that. That's what I'm here for, I'm here to go through these things with you. You're my girl. And I wouldn't change that for anything in the world."
She kisses your forehead, then you lean into her shoulder and she moves her hands down on your waist, rubbing her thumbs on your sides, as you move your arms around her neck, moving your body closer to hers.
"I love you." You say as your grip grows tighter around her.
"I love you more." There's a comforting moment of silence between you two before she speaks again."You can stay with me as long as you want to. I don't mind at all, okay? Don't ever think you're a burden on me." She always knows what you're thinking without speaking out loud. Vi knows just what to say to make you feel better.
"Okay. Thank you Vi. You always know what to say. "I know, baby. I know." She rubs up and down your back as you rest your body on hers.
"Hey baby?"
"Yeah?" You say as you picked your head up.
"Let's go lay down. How does that sound, hmm?" Vi hold your ever so gently, afraid if she hugs you to much you might break.
"Yeah, I would like that alot."
"Okay, but first let's get you changed into some different clothes."
"Okay...can I wear one of your shirts?"
Vi hums in approval, nodding her head. "Of course baby, whatever you want." She kisses your forehead.
___________________________________________
A/n: I hope you guys loved this plot as much as I did. I'm so glad I came up with this. Also, if anyone has parents like that, please reach out to me or someone for comfort. I know this is a very delicate subject. So if anyone needs to talk, I'm all open ears.
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elikajinnie · 5 hours ago
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Note: Hello! Just posting this birthday fic before I start my journey to London! Happy birthday @ikeuverse !!! luv u bay boo <3 Hope you enjoy this dark fic as a present!
Warnings: Office au, Violence, Obsession, Suggestive Content, Needy Behaviour, Pet names, Blood, Choking, Crazy Man in Love, Murder
Synopsis: Jay prided himself on his ability to keep his emotions and impulses in check, even the ones dark enough to ruin his image. But every man has a breaking point, and his was you. You awaken something in him—something unstrained and dangerous.
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Jay considered himself a patient man—steadfast, composed, and reliable in almost any situation. A colleague dumping extra workload on him? No problem, he could stay an extra hour to finish it. The coffee machine running out right before his turn? He’d refill it without complaint. His computer crashing, and IT dragging their feet to fix it? Fine, he could manage.
He could handle all of it.
But what he couldn’t handle—what made his patience snap like a dry twig—was seeing someone ruin your day.
You, the person who had his heart entirely, even if you didn’t know it yet.
The first day you’d walked into the office, he swore it was love at first sight. There was something about you—so effortlessly beautiful, so free yet reserved. You weren’t loud or attention-seeking like some of the others in the office. You simply came in, did your work and left.
And the fact that you didn’t talk to many of your colleagues? That you seemed to reserve most of your conversations for him?
That pleased him more than he’d care to admit.
Because the truth was, Jay wasn’t a good man. Not in the way people thought. He wore the mask of the perfect coworker, the dependable guy, the one you could always count on. But underneath, in the shadows of his mind, there were thoughts he’d never dare to voice. Things no one needed to know.
They didn’t need to know what he thought when he saw someone laughing too loudly near your desk, stealing your attention away from him. They didn’t need to know how his jaw tightened when another colleague asked you out for lunch, or how his stomach churned when you smiled politely but didn’t refuse.
And they definitely didn’t need to know what he imagined doing to the coworker who’d made you frown earlier today.
It wasn’t much—just a small comment, a careless remark about your work that Jay knew wasn’t fair. But he saw the way your shoulders slumped, the way your smile faltered for the rest of the day. It was enough to ignite something dangerous inside him, something he fought hard to suppress.
No one got to hurt you.
Jay’s hands flexed against the desk, his knuckles turning white. He took a slow, measured breath. No one had to know what was going on in his head. Not you, not the person who’d hurt you, no one.
No, no one could find out. And no one would find out.
Jay repeated that mantra in his head like a lifeline, his fingers tapping a restless rhythm against the desk as if the movement could ground him. If he just held his patience, if he kept his emotions under control, everything would be fine. He was good at hiding things, good at maintaining the mask of normalcy.
But he shouldn’t have underestimated how much his feelings for you overthrew his rational thinking.
It wasn’t just admiration or a harmless crush anymore. It was deeper, sharper, something that dug into his very being and left him restless. It consumed him, made him hyperaware of every glance you gave someone else, every moment you looked even the slightest bit upset.
And when he saw the person who’d hurt you walking past his desk, laughing as if they hadn’t just wrecked your mood, that feeling boiled over.
His fingers stilled, his jaw tightening. He didn’t know when he stood up or when he started walking. The rational part of his mind screamed at him to stop, to think this through, to sit back down before he did something he couldn’t take back. But that part of him was no match for the storm brewing in his chest.
He caught up to them in the hallway, his voice calm, measured, almost too controlled. “Hey.”
The coworker turned, their expression a mixture of confusion and faint unease. “Hey?”
Jay smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Got a minute?”
They hesitated, eyes narrowing slightly as if sensing something was off. Jay's smile didn't waver. "It's important," he added, voice still smooth but carrying an undertone that left little room for argument.
Reluctantly, they nodded, following him into one of the empty meeting rooms. The door clicked shut behind them, sealing them in a bubble of tense silence.
Jay leaned against the door casually, arms crossed, tilting his head as he studied them. "You know," he began, his tone deceptively light, "I noticed you had a lot to say to her today."
Confusion flickered in their eyes before it shifted into indifference. "What? It was just a comment. It’s not that serious."
Jay chuckled quietly, the sound low and cold. "Not serious to you, maybe."
"Look, man, if she’s upset, that’s not my problem." They moved as if to leave, but Jay didn’t budge.
His smile faded.
"See, that's where you're wrong." His voice dropped lower, almost a whisper. "It is your problem now."
The coworker’s bravado faltered for a second.
Jay leaned in slightly, his eyes sharp and unblinking. "I’m going to give you a piece of advice—free of charge. You’re going to stay far away from her. No comments, no jokes, no anything. Understand?"
They scoffed, trying to mask their unease. "Are you threatening me?"
Jay’s lips curled into a slow smirk. "Threatening?" He let the word hang in the air. "No. I’m just making sure we understand each other."
The tension in the room thickened. Jay didn’t move, didn’t blink, just stared until the other man shifted uncomfortably.
"Fine. Whatever," they muttered, pushing past him. Jay let them go, listening to their hurried footsteps fade down the hall.
Slowly, he exhaled, rolling his shoulders back. The tightness in his chest eased, but only slightly.
That should be enough—for now.
But deep down, Jay knew this feeling wasn’t going away.
And to Jay's dismay, the warning didn’t stick.
The coworker didn’t stop.
Oh, they were smarter about it now—waiting until Jay wasn’t around to make their comments, keeping their voice low, making sure their jabs seemed like harmless jokes to anyone else. But Jay knew better.
Because Jay always knew.
He was always watching. Always listening.
Always watching you.
It wasn’t difficult. He knew your schedule, your habits, the way you tucked yourself into quieter corners of the office during breaks. He knew which paths you took to avoid unnecessary conversation, which meetings you hated sitting through, and which tasks weighed you down.
And he knew when something was wrong.
Like now.
Jay watched from across the office as that same coworker leaned in a little too close to you at the copier, their smirk too smug, their voice just low enough that no one else could catch the words.
But Jay could read your body language—the way you stiffened, how your eyes didn’t meet theirs, how your hands faltered as you shuffled papers.
That was enough.
Jay’s vision tunneled, the hum of the office dulling into static. His hands tightened into fists at his sides.
They thought they could get away with it, thought he wasn’t paying attention.
But Jay was always paying attention.
And now?
They’d crossed a line.
Without thinking, without hesitation, Jay was moving, his steps steady. He didn’t care about the people around him, didn’t care if anyone noticed the shift in his expression—cold, and dangerously calm.
This time, a warning wouldn’t be enough. No, this time Jay would make sure they understood.
Permanently.
His steps were silent as he closed the distance between you and the coworker.
He saw it—the subtle shift in their stance, the way their hand moved just slightly, as if they were about to reach out.
To touch you.
His.
Jay’s hand shot out, clapping down on the coworker’s shoulder with more force than necessary.
“Is there a problem here?” Jay’s voice was calm, smooth, but laced with something colder beneath the surface.
The coworker jolted slightly, caught off guard, and quickly shook their head. “No, no problem. Just talking.”
Jay’s grip didn’t loosen. His smile was polite, but his eyes were sharp, piercing. “Funny. It didn’t look like talking.”
The coworker shifted uncomfortably under his hold, glancing at you for some sort of support, but you said nothing. Jay noticed how you subtly moved closer to him, putting a few more inches of space between yourself and the other man.
Oh, how that pleased him.
Something dark and satisfied coiled deep within Jay’s chest.
You felt safe near him.
Exactly where you belonged.
Jay leaned in slightly, lowering his voice just enough for the coworker to hear. “I think it’s best if you get back to work. Before I decide to take this to HR. I’m sure they’d love to hear about how you’ve been treating your coworkers.”
The blood drained from the man’s face. “It’s not like that—”
Jay’s grip tightened, just for a second. “Now.”
The coworker stumbled back, muttering something under their breath before practically fleeing the area.
Jay let out a slow breath, rolling his shoulders back, and turned his attention to you. His expression softened instantly, concern replacing the coldness in his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice gentler now.
You nodded slowly, still a bit shaken. “Yeah… thanks, Jay.”
That small, grateful smile you gave him nearly made his heart stop.
“Of course,” he murmured, resisting the overwhelming urge to reach out and touch you—your hand, your arm, anything. But the way you stayed close to him, the way you trusted him to handle it?
It was more than enough for now.
Jay would deal with the persistent coworker in due time.
He was a patient man, after all. He could bide his time, wait for the perfect moment—when there were no interruptions, no prying eyes, and no one to witness what he intended to do.
Because Jay hated repeating himself.
The coworker hadn’t heeded his warning, and now Jay had to escalate things. He didn’t want to resort to this, but they’d left him no choice.
For you, though? It was worth it.
It was always worth it.
Jay kept his routine flawless, his demeanor at work unbothered and professional. No one suspected a thing as he continued his tasks, chatting with colleagues, even offering his usual polite smile to you when you passed by his desk.
But beneath the surface, he was calculating.
When the time came, it was almost too easy.
The coworker stayed late one evening, likely trying to catch up on the workload they’d neglected while harassing others. Jay lingered too, casually packing his things, waiting for the office to empty out. When the last employee left and it was just the two of them, Jay approached. “Working late?” he asked, his tone friendly but his eyes sharp.
The coworker glanced up, startled, before nodding hesitantly. “Yeah, just finishing up.”
Jay nodded, stepping closer, his presence filling the room. “That’s good. Means we have a chance to chat without anyone interrupting.”
The coworker stiffened, the unease in their expression growing. “Look, if this is about previously—”
“Oh, it’s definitely about previously.” Jay’s voice dropped, losing any trace of friendliness. He leaned down, placing his hands flat on the desk. “I warned you, didn’t I?” His voice was quiet, almost conversational, but there was no mistaking the edge in his tone. “I told you to stay away from her. No comments. No games. Nothing.”
The coworker stammered, trying to explain, but Jay cut him off.
“And yet, you didn’t listen. You thought I was bluffing.” He straightened, his gaze cold and unyielding. “I never bluff.”
The coworker’s mouth moved, spitting out excuses—something about misunderstanding, about it being harmless—but Jay wasn’t listening.
Not really.
He only pretended to listen, his expression carefully composed, nodding faintly as if he was weighing the words.
But his eyes drifted, scanning the dim office. The quiet hum of machines in sleep mode filled the space. The hall was empty. The cleaning crew wouldn’t arrive for a few hours.
Perfect.
His hand moved slowly, deliberately, fingers curling around the cold metal of the stapler sitting carelessly on the edge of the desk. He gripped it tightly, feeling the weight of it, the solid heft pressing into his palm.
And his mind spiraled.
You.
You, who always greeted him first in the morning, your voice soft but warm.
You, who smiled at him every time he placed your favorite drink on your desk, pretending it was nothing.
You, who leaned in close to help him when the printer jammed, your fingers brushing his.
You, who tensed, shoulders rising when this man got too close, discomfort flashing in your eyes.
You. You. You.
Everything about Jay had become built around you.
Every thought. Every choice. Every breath.
And if making you happy meant eliminating what made you uncomfortable, what hurt you… then it was simple.
Jay’s grip on the stapler tightened.
Without hesitation, without a second thought, he swung.
The solid crack of metal against bone echoed in the empty office. The coworker barely had time to cry out before Jay brought the stapler down again. And again.
Each hit was harder than the last, fueled by something dark and burning inside him.
You.
Even when the coworker’s body slumped, weak and broken, Jay didn’t stop. He couldn’t. Not until the coworker was nothing more than a twisted, crumpled body on the cold office floor—still, silent, and broken.
Jay slowly straightened up, his breathing steady, calm. The bloodied stapler slipped from his hand, hitting the ground with a dull, wet thud.
He ran a hand through his hair, sweeping it back casually, not caring about the smears of blood staining his skin or clothes.
His eyes stayed fixed on the body.
Unmoving. Silent.
Good.
His mind, once a storm of spiraling thoughts, was quiet now. Peaceful.
A slow, satisfied smile crept onto his lips.
This was right.
This was necessary.
He tilted his head slightly, admiring his work for a moment longer before pulling himself away.
No panic. No guilt.
Just clarity.
Because now, the problem was gone.
And you—sweet, perfect you—would never have to feel uncomfortable again.
Jay turned away, already thinking about how easily this would disappear.
He was careful. He was smart.
And most importantly, he was patient.
No one would know.
And tomorrow, when you smiled at him in the office, when you thanked him for the coffee, when you leaned close to help him with the printer—he would smile back.
Because this?
This was all for you.
And you would never need to know.
At least that was what he planned, until the sharp, broken sound of a gasp shattered the stillness.
Jay’s head snapped toward the sound.
There you were.
Frozen by the exit, your coat still on, bag slung over your shoulder—just as it had been when you left the office an hour ago.
But you hadn’t left.
Or maybe you had and come back.
Why?
Jay’s mind, so quiet a moment ago, now whirled with questions.
Why were you back?
How much had you seen?
How long had you been standing there?
Your wide, horrified eyes flicked between the mangled body on the floor and Jay’s bloodied figure.
His chest rose slowly with a deep, steady breath.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
For a fleeting second, Jay considered stepping forward, saying something—anything—but his feet remained planted.
The silence between you stretched painfully thin.
Your lips parted, but no sound came out.
Jay’s mind sharpened, cutting through the static.
He couldn’t let you be afraid of him.
Not you.
Slowly, deliberately, Jay raised his blood-streaked hands in front of him, palms out as if calming a startled animal. His voice, when he finally spoke, was low and soft. “I can explain.”
But could he?
Could he explain that this was for you? That every swing of that stapler, every brutal hit, was to protect you?
Would you understand?
His heart beat steadily in his chest, not with panic—but with focus.
This was just another problem to solve.
Like the one lying cold and unmoving on the floor.
Jay’s eyes didn’t leave yours. He smiled. Slowly. Softly. “You weren’t supposed to see this,” he murmured.
Now, he had to decide what to do next. With you.
His jaw clenched as he prepared himself for the worst.
The scream.
The panic.
The rush for your phone to call the police.
He was ready to take it all.
If you ran, he wouldn’t chase.
If you screamed, he wouldn’t silence you.
Because he had done what needed to be done. He had removed the problem.
For you.
But then—
You did something he never expected.
Your bag slipped from your shoulder and hit the ground with a soft thud.
Slowly, cautiously, you stepped toward him.
Jay didn’t move.
Not when your trembling hands reached up. Not when your soft fingers cupped his blood-smeared cheeks.
Your eyes searched his, wide and filled with something between fear and disbelief. “Jay…” you whispered, barely audible. “What… what did you do?”
Jay blinked, his breath shallow under your touch. His lips parted, and the words spilled out. “I… I did it for you.” His voice was quiet. “He wouldn’t leave you alone. He didn’t listen. I… I had to stop him.”
The room seemed to freeze.
You didn’t recoil.
You didn’t scream.
You just stared, shocked, processing the weight of his words.
Jay searched your face, looking for disgust, horror—anything. But it wasn’t there. And that broke something inside him.
Before you could speak, before doubt could flicker in your eyes, Jay moved. His arms shot forward, wrapping tightly around your waist, pulling you flush against him. One hand slid up, cradling the back of your head, gently but firmly turning your face away from the mangled body on the floor.
“You shouldn’t look at that,” he murmured against your hair, his voice softer now but tinged with something.
Protective.
Possessive.
His grip tightened, holding you like you might slip away.
“I couldn’t let him hurt you,” Jay whispered, his thumb brushing against your temple. “You’re mine to protect. No one gets to make you uncomfortable. Not him. Not anyone.”
He held you close, his body warm and solid against yours, his gaze piercing as if he could see into the deepest parts of your soul. “You’re safe now,” he whispered, more to himself than to you. “You don’t need to be scared.” He closed his eyes, savoring how perfectly you fit in his arms.
He’d do anything to keep you here.
Anything.
His hand slowly stroked the back of your head, a soothing motion that contrasted sharply with the violence that had just taken place. “I won’t hurt you,” he whispered.
You didn’t move.
Didn’t scream.
Didn’t run.
Jay’s grip tightened, his mind racing. Maybe you understood. Maybe deep down, you knew he had done this for you. “I… I couldn’t let him near you anymore,” he confessed, voice barely a whisper. “He didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.”
Your breath hitched, but you didn’t look away.
Jay’s hand, still cradling your head, slid down to gently cup your cheek—thumb brushing over your skin, leaving a faint smear of blood. “But it’s okay now,” he murmured, tilting his head. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.” His eyes searched yours, desperate for understanding, for acceptance.
And when you still didn’t pull away, when your body stayed close to his—Jay’s lips curved into a slow smile. “You believe me, don’t you?” he asked softly, almost childlike in tone. His fingers pressed just slightly against your skin, his need for reassurance growing heavier. “Tell me you believe me. Tell me you know I did this for you.”
The room seemed to close in, the silence suffocating. But Jay’s breath was steady, his hold firm.
He would wait.
He was patient.
But not forever.
Not with you.
Because now that you knew, now that you had seen this part of him, he couldn’t let you go.
And if you didn’t say what he needed to hear… Well.
Jay could be persuasive.
“I… I believe you,” you whispered eventually, the words shaky, barely holding together.
And that was enough.
Enough for Jay.
His eyes darkened, a flicker of something unhinged sparking within them.
A slow, shaky breath left his lips as a grin stretched across his face—wide, relieved, and far too dangerous. “That’s all I needed to hear,” he murmured.
In one slow, fluid motion, his blood-slicked hand slid to the side of your neck, fingers curling possessively around your throat. He then leaned in, so close that your noses brushed, his breath hot against your lips. “Say it again,” he whispered, voice cracking with need. “Please… say it again.”
You gasped softly, wide-eyed, frozen beneath the weight of his stare. But before you could form another word, Jay couldn’t wait anymore. His lips crashed into yours, desperate and unrelenting. It wasn’t a kiss meant to be sweet or careful—it was starving, as if he was finally taking something he’d been denied for far too long.
His other arm tightened around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer, crushing you against him as he groaned into your mouth, the sound guttural, like he’d been holding it in for years.
You barely had a moment to catch your breath, your hands instinctively clutching at his shirt as his grip on your neck tightened—not to hurt, but to keep you there, to feel you.
His lips moved hungrily against yours, consuming, devouring, as if this kiss could erase everything else.
The blood on his hands smeared against your skin, staining you, marking you as his. And that thought—oh, that thought—made Jay shudder.
Finally, finally, you were his.
His lips moved to brush against your ear as he whispered, his voice heavy with desire. “You’ll never have to worry again, do you understand?”
You could feel the heat radiating from him, his chest rising and falling in quick, uneven breaths. His hand, still resting on your neck, felt like a constant reminder of how much he owned this moment. How much he owned you.
You wanted to say something—anything—but the words caught in your throat, overwhelmed by his presence, and the weight of everything that had just happened.
And Jay noticed.
A flicker of understanding crossed his face, and his lips curled into a grin. “I know you’re shocked,” he said softly, his voice a low murmur. “I know. But you don’t have to be. Not anymore.” His thumb brushed over your lips, tracing the curve, as if memorizing every part of you. There was no room for doubt anymore. This was what he’d been working for. What he’d needed to do to make you his.
The thought of you, fully his, made him tremble.
And there was nothing left but the need to keep you close, to never let you go.
Jay gently pulled you back, guiding you until your back met the wall behind you. His lips found yours again—feverish, desperate. The kiss was a claim, a mark, an ownership. He wanted to feel you beneath him, to know that no one else would ever get to see you like this. His kiss deepened, growing rougher, more demanding, as though he could pour every dark thought and overwhelming need into you.
Jay wanted more.
No—he needed more.
The thought of anyone else seeing you like this, touching you, even looking at you—it made his grip tighten, made his breath grow heavier.
His mouth trailed down, kissing along your jaw, to the soft skin just below your ear. He lingered there, lips brushing your pulse, his teeth grazed your neck, not enough to hurt, but enough to make you gasp. That sound—your gasp—ignited something in him.
He wanted to burn himself into you.
To make sure you would never forget.
Jay’s lips crashed back onto yours, fiercer, deeper, as if he could devour every breath you took.
“Mine,” he growled against your mouth, his voice low and rough. His hands were everywhere—one gripping your waist so tightly it almost hurt, the other wrapped firmly around your throat. “Baby…” he murmured between kisses, lips barely pulling away before claiming you again.
You gasped, trying to pull back, your hands pressing against his chest. “Jay—”
But his grip on your throat tightened, holding you in place as he swallowed your protest with another bruising kiss. “Shh, sweetheart,” he whispered, voice dripping with hunger. “Don’t say my name like that. Makes me crazy.” His lips dragged along your jaw, down to your neck, where he bit down—not too hard, but hard enough to make you whimper. “Good girl,” he breathed, lips curling into a dark smile against your skin.
You squirmed slightly, your hands trembling as they gripped his arms. “Jay...please—”
“Oh, princess, now you beg?” he chuckled darkly, pulling back just enough to look at you. His hand still cradled your throat, his thumb brushing along your pulse. “You’re not going anywhere.” Then his mouth was on yours again, more desperate, more claiming. “My sweet girl,” he mumbled.
You tried to turn your head, tried to catch your breath, but Jay wouldn’t let you. His grip on your throat kept you exactly where he wanted you.“Don’t pull away,” he groaned, biting your lower lip before soothing it with his tongue.
“You belong here. With me.”
Another kiss.
“You understand that, don’t you, baby?” His hand flexed on your throat, a silent warning. His breath was ragged, lips swollen, eyes dark with obsession.
Jay wasn’t asking this time.
He was demanding.
And he wasn’t going to stop until you gave him what he wanted.
Until you surrendered.
Your breath hitched, eyes wide as Jay’s grip on your throat tightened just enough to make your pulse race. His thumb stroked your skin slowly, in stark contrast to the desperate, punishing kisses he pressed against your lips.
“Say it,” he murmured again, lips ghosting over yours. “Tell me you’re mine.”
You swallowed hard, the words tangled in your throat. “I`m—”
That was all you managed before his hand flexed. “No, baby,” he rasped, his tone unyielding. “Not like that.” His teeth grazed your bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth before soothing it with his tongue. “Say it like you mean it,” he whispered against your mouth. “Tell me you belong to me like you mean it.” Jay’s breath turned ragged, his grip trembling slightly as if even he was starting to lose control. "Please," he whispered, the word barely audible but heavy with desperation. His thumb brushed over your pulse point, feeling it quicken under his touch. "I need to hear it. Need you to say it."
You opened your mouth, but no sound came out. The hesitation in your eyes made something in him crack.
"Baby," he breathed out shakily. "You're mine. Mine. I'll say it a thousand times, scream it until my throat bleeds if I have to." His voice was hoarse and strained. "But I need you to say it back. Just once. Please."
His lips ghosted over yours, softer now, but his hands trembled where they held you. "Tell me you belong to me. Tell me before I lose my mind." His lips pressed desperately against your jaw, your cheek, your lips—frantic, as if trying to draw the words from you. "I can't—" he choked, pulling back just enough to search your eyes. "I can't breathe without you. Just say it, baby. Please."
"Say you're mine."
Every time you tried to pull away, tried to catch your breath, Jay wouldn’t allow it. His grip on your throat anchored you, holding you exactly where he wanted you—his. “Come on, princess,” he murmured. “You know it’s true. You’ve always been mine.”
His lips brushed over your cheek, down to your ear.
“Mine to protect.”
Another kiss, softer this time.
“Mine to touch.”
His hand squeezed your hip, dragging you impossibly closer.
“Mine to love.”
The way he said it���love—sent a shiver down your spine. It wasn’t soft or sweet. It was dark, consuming.
You felt breathless, overwhelmed.
And yet… you didn’t speak.
Jay leaned back just enough to meet your eyes, his own burning with need. “I won’t ask again, baby,” he murmured, voice like velvet over steel. His thumb traced the corner of your mouth, smearing blood along your skin.
“Say it.”
And in that suffocating silence, with his grip steady and his eyes locked on yours, you knew you had no choice.
Not when he was looking at you like that.
Like he would burn the world down if you didn’t.
Your breath trembled, your mind spinning. Jay’s hand on your throat was firm, his body pressed so tightly against yours that there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Say it.
His words echoed in your head, each one heavier than the last. And somehow, despite the fear, despite the chaos in your chest, your lips parted. “I…” Your voice was barely above a whisper.
Jay’s grip tightened slightly, not enough to hurt but enough to make your pulse quicken. “Louder, sweetheart.” His voice was a low growl, his lips brushing against yours. “Say it so I know it’s real.”
Your chest heaved, and for a brief second, your gaze flickered to the dark stain on the floor behind him. The body. The blood.
But then Jay’s hand shifted, his thumb stroking along your jaw, pulling your attention back to him.
To the man who had done all of this for you.
To the man who would do it again.
And something inside you cracked.
“I’m yours,” you breathed.
Jay froze.
For a heartbeat, there was nothing but silence between you.
Then, slowly, his lips pulled into a wicked, satisfied smile.
“That’s my girl.”
Before you could take another breath, his mouth was on yours again, brutal and hungry. His hand tightened in your hair, tilting your head back to deepen the kiss, his other hand still warm and solid around your throat.
“You don’t know what that does to me,” he muttered between kisses, voice rough and uneven. “Hearing you say it…fuck...” He kissed you again, harsher this time, as if the words you spoke had completely undone him.
Jay was losing control, and he didn’t care.
Because now you were his.
Completely.
Irrevocably.
His grip on your waist tightened, pulling you flush against him, making sure you felt every inch of his need. “Say it again,” he demanded, his lips brushing over your cheek, down to your neck. His teeth scraped against your skin, sending a shiver through you.
“Jay—”
He growled at the sound of his name, his hand around your throat flexing.
“Say it again.”
“I’m yours,” you gasped.
Jay let out a shaky breath, his forehead resting against yours as he laughed—low, dark, and completely unhinged.
“That’s right, baby,” he whispered, “you’re mine.” His breath grew heavier, ragged against your skin.
Being this close—feeling you against him, hearing you say you were his—shattered whatever thread of control he had left.
His mind spiraled, drowning in the intoxicating thought that you belonged to him.
Only him.
His mouth smashed against yours again, bruising and desperate, like he was trying to crawl inside you, to erase any space that could ever exist between you.
But it wasn’t enough.
Not even close.
Jay broke the kiss with a sharp gasp, his hands roaming everywhere—gripping, pulling, needing. His lips found your jaw, your neck, biting and kissing until your skin bloomed with marks.
“You don’t understand what you do to me,” he growled, his teeth scraping along your throat. “I can’t think when I’m around you. I can’t fucking breathe without wanting to touch you.”
His hands gripped the fabric of your clothes so tightly they shook, like he might rip them off just to feel more of you. “Fuck, baby…” His voice cracked, breath ragged. “I need you. Right now.”
His mouth found yours again, messier this time, all teeth and tongue and need.
You whimpered, trying to turn your head, overwhelmed by how hard he was pressing you into the wall.
But Jay wasn’t having it.
His hand shot up, fingers tangling in your hair as he yanked your head back to meet his lips again. “Don’t pull away from me.” His voice was a warning, but there was something desperate beneath it. “You said you’re mine.”
He kissed you harder, punishing, needy.
“So act like it.”
His hand slid under your shirt, rough and fast, gripping your skin like he could mold you into him, his mind spinning with every sound you made, every shiver he felt under his hands.
And it still wasn’t enough.
“I want to ruin you for anyone else.”
“I want them to look at you and know they’ll never fucking have you.”
His grip on your waist tightened, his breathing quick and shallow.
“Because you’re mine.”
Jay’s lips crashed into yours again, wild and unrelenting, his hands gripping you like he’d fall apart if he let go.
And in that moment, you realized—
There was nothing left of Jay’s control.
Only you.
Only this.
And he would burn everything down to keep it.
...and the twisted part? You didn’t feel guilty. Not even a little.
The memory of that night lingered like smoke in the back of your mind, heavy and intoxicating. Jay’s wild energy, the way he looked at you—like you were the only thing keeping him tethered to this world—sent a shiver down your spine every time you thought about it.
The office had grown quieter since then. People whispered about the sudden disappearance of your colleague, speculating everything from a sudden transfer to something more sinister. You kept your head down, your lips sealed, and Jay? Jay acted like nothing had ever happened, except when it came to you.
You felt him everywhere. His gaze burned into you during meetings, his hand brushed yours at the coffee machine, his voice low and dangerous when he spoke your name. It was suffocating and addictive all at once.
“You’re distracted,” Jay murmured one afternoon, his voice startling you. He was leaning against your desk, his tie slightly loosened, looking every bit like the confident, composed professional everyone thought he was. But his eyes—they told a different story. They always did.
“I’m just tired,” you lied, trying to focus on your computer screen, though the heat of his presence made it impossible.
“Liar.” His voice was teasing, but there was an edge to it. He leaned closer, his fingers trailing along the edge of your desk. “You’re thinking about me, aren’t you?”
You swallowed hard, your pulse quickening. He didn’t wait for an answer. He didn’t need one. Jay was good at reading you, too good.
“You should come by my place tonight,” he said casually, like he was suggesting something as mundane as grabbing a coffee. But there was nothing casual about the way his fingers brushed your wrist, the way his tone promised so much more than just conversation.
“Why?” you managed to ask, your voice steadier than you thought possible.
“Because,” he said, his lips curling into that devilish smirk that always sent your thoughts spiraling, “I like having you close. And you like it too, don’t you?”
There it was—Jay’s true colors, bold and unapologetic. He was dangerous, unrelenting, and completely unhinged. And yet, you couldn’t say no.
Because deep down, a part of you liked it. Maybe even loved it.
That night, you found yourself outside Jay’s apartment door, your heart pounding harder than you’d ever admit. You hadn’t even fully decided to come until your legs had taken you here on autopilot. Something about the way he consumed you, mind and soul, left no room for logical thought.
Before you could knock, the door swung open. Jay stood there, shirt unbuttoned just enough to reveal a sliver of his chest, his hair slightly disheveled like he’d been running his hands through it.
“You’re late,” he said, leaning casually against the doorframe.
“You didn’t give me a time,” you shot back, feigning confidence you didn’t really feel.
He chuckled low, a sound that made your stomach flip. “Touché. Come in.”
You stepped inside, and the door clicked shut behind you, the sound feeling heavier than it should have. His place was exactly what you expected—sleek, modern, and meticulously clean, but somehow it still felt like him. The air was warm, and the faint scent of his cologne lingered everywhere, pulling you further under his spell.
“Drink?” he offered, already heading toward the kitchen.
“No, I’m good,” you replied, shifting awkwardly on your feet.
He returned moments later, empty-handed, but his eyes were locked on you like a predator sizing up its prey. “You’re tense,” he observed, closing the space between you in a few long strides.
“I wonder why,” you said sarcastically, though your voice wavered.
Jay tilted his head, amusement dancing in his dark eyes. “What? Are you scared?”
Your breath hitched as he reached out, his fingers ghosting over your jaw before tilting your chin up to meet his gaze. “You don’t need to be,” he murmured, his voice soft. “I’d never hurt you.”
The way he said it, so certain and sincere, made your chest ache. It was the truth, but it was also a lie. Jay would never hurt you, no. But the lengths he’d go to for you? Those would destroy everything—and everyone—in his path.
“I should go,” you said, the words barely audible, even to yourself.
“But you won’t.” His hands were on your waist now, pulling you closer until you could feel the heat radiating off him. “Because you don’t want to.”
He was right. You didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to run. You wanted him, in all his terrifying, obsessive glory.
“Jay—”
“Shh.” He silenced you with a kiss, his lips rough and demanding, stealing whatever protests you thought you had. His hands gripped you tighter, his body pressing yours against the wall as if he couldn’t stand even a fraction of space between you.
You let yourself melt into him, into the chaos and the fire. Because with Jay, that’s all there ever was—chaos and fire.
And, God help you, you craved it.
Jay’s kisses grew wilder, more desperate, like he was a man starved, and you were the only thing that could satisfy him. His grip on your waist tightened, almost bruising, and his body pressed you harder against the wall, leaving no room to breathe—not that you cared.
“It’s been too long,” he rasped against your lips, his voice raw with need. His hands roamed over you, searing through the fabric of your clothes. “So beautiful...”
Your response came out as a broken gasp when his teeth grazed your neck, followed by the soothing warmth of his tongue. His hands tangled in your hair, tugging just enough to make you arch into him, and his low growl sent shivers down your spine.
“Jay—” you managed to choke out, your hands clinging to his shoulders for balance as his lips trailed down your neck to your collarbone.
“I can’t stop,” he confessed, his voice strained like he was losing a battle with himself. “Not when it’s you. Never when it’s you.”
His words ignited something deep inside you, both fear and exhilaration that only Jay could elicit. He lifted you effortlessly as he carried you toward the couch, his eyes never leaving yours.
He laid you down gently, hovering over you, his hands braced on either side of your head, his lips brushing against yours as he whispered, “You don’t know what you’ve done to me.”
Your breath hitched as he leaned closer, his weight pressing you into the cushions, his lips trailing a path down your jawline.
“It’s been too long since I could touch you like this,” he murmured, his voice rough and shaky. “Too long since I could feel you, taste you, claim you.”
Your heart raced, and you couldn’t help the way your body responded to him, arching into his touch. His hand slid under your shirt, the warmth of his skin against yours making you shiver.
“Say you want this,” he demanded, his voice low but commanding. “Say you want me.”
“I do,” you whispered, the words barely audible but enough to send a dark smile curling his lips.
“That’s all I needed to hear,” he growled, and then he was kissing you again, harder, deeper, as if he was trying to consume every part of you.
And you let him, because in that moment, Jay was everything—your fire, your chaos, your undoing.
a/n: Happy birthday bayyy! Hope today goes amazing for you! Love yaaa <333
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moonstruckme · 1 hour ago
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hi mae!! please can i request doctor!remus with reader who has just started anti-depressants and is having mood swings/anxiety about it? totally okay if not!
thank u :)) (your dr remus is the loml <3)
Thank you angel (he's the loml too) <3
cw: insomnia, anxiety, mention of past depressive episodes, reader is trying out anti-depressants for the first time so there's some mixed feelings about that
doctor!Remus x fem!reader ♡ 855 words
You can feel your heart pounding in your teeth. It reverberates all through your mouth, down to your cheek where it’s pressed against your pillow. You feel hot and restless. 
Your brain is a maze and you can’t get out. 
You thought Remus had fallen asleep, but he hasn’t, his arm slipping under sheets and over your waist to pull you closer. 
“What’s the matter?” he asks, more doting than concern in his tone; he already knows. 
Tears prick your eyes, but you hold them in. “I don’t like this.” 
“You’re alright, dove. Take a deep breath.” 
You do. Count all the way in, go as far as you can, and still. It doesn’t feel like it should.
“I can’t do it all the way,” you say, voice fracturing. 
“Shh, you can.” Remus’ voice is a murmur, his sureness a balm to your sensitive nerves. He brings his hand to your breastbone, pressing down until you’re certain the force of your heartbeat must be shaking him. “We’ll do it together, yeah? Feel.” 
With his chest pressed to you from behind, you feel the way his lungs inflate with the great breath he takes. You do the same, and his thumb rubs over your bare skin encouragingly. 
“There we are. Just like that, sweetheart.” 
You do a few more before Remus must deem your heartbeat normal enough to stop. You feel more normal, though your skin is still too tight and your mind seems like it was never yours. 
“Well done.” Remus kisses your shoulder. “What brought that on, hm? Can’t sleep?” 
You appreciate that he keeps asking, even though the answer has been the same for the past several nights. Yes, you can’t sleep. You can’t sleep, and instead your brain runs and runs. It takes you places you don’t recognize, and then you get scared that the meds you’ve been taking are turning you into someone else entirely, and you begin to wonder what your mental wellbeing is really worth to you, and by the time you tune back into your own body your breaths are loud and you’re damp with sweat underneath the covers. 
“I don’t know if I want to do this anymore,” you mumble. It’s easier to voice when you’re not looking at him. The darkness in front of you is shapeless and unjudging. 
Remus is quiet. His thumb strokes underneath your breast, a silent request for you to say more. 
“I’m tired” —your voice catches again, but you get it under control— “of feeling like this. I just want it to be over. I don’t care if I have to go back to—to the way things were for that to happen. I’m so tired of this.” 
Remus’ lips come down on your shoulder again, gently. His breath tickles your skin. “I know you are, lovely. I’m sorry.” 
“I think I should stop with the meds. Right?” 
You don’t mean to seek his approval until you do. That’s a doomed venture; Remus has told you why he thinks you’re doing the right thing every day and night since you’ve felt like this, usually more than once between sunrises. 
“If you want to stop, you can,” he says carefully. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you; I know the side effects forwards and backwards, but really, I can’t imagine how it feels. I do know that it’s putting you through a lot, sweetheart. But I still think it’s worth seeing how you feel when your hormones balance out.” 
You nearly cry with frustration. Remus feels the harsh exhale leave your chest and moves closer, turning you over so your face is in his chest. 
“Shh, it’s alright. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, my love.” 
But you’re upset with yourself, because you want it too. You want to know what it’s like on the other side of all this, where you might get through an entire year without melancholy sinking its claws into you. You want to discover what that version of yourself might be like. 
“It’s already been a week,” you plead. 
Remus’ voice is soft and lulling. Assured. “It’s normal to have anxiety like this in the second week. Insomnia, too. I know it’s awful, but it’s not because anything is going wrong. It’s expected.” 
“It sucks.” 
“Yeah. It does.” 
After a while, you start mimicking his breaths again. You think Remus knows, because his chest starts rising and falling more dramatically, each pull deep and long. You can hear his heart beating steadily under your ear. 
Remus’ hand rests on your mid-back, his fingertips just between your shoulder blades. Not rubbing, not patting. Just holding you there. Against him, where you need to be. 
You think he’s fallen asleep, but you’re proven wrong again when he asks softly, “Are you feeling better?” 
You let out a sigh. “Yeah.” 
It’s reluctant, but honest. You don’t know how you’ll find your way to sleep, or when you’ll get there, but the possibility of wakefulness feels a lot less stifling when you remember Remus is here with you. You hold onto him and close your eyes.
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babyzzai · 5 hours ago
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hiii!! hewwwoooww!!! i weawwy loves ur hcs!! i juf found uw blog an i love it sm!!! i saw dat u make mostly lil!dazai hcs, but could i get lil!chuuyah hc?? if u not comfy w makin it/u no wanna do it, itz fine!!
little chuuya headcanons ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
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i actually LOVE little chuuya. hes so special to me, but my favorite character just happens to be dazai which is why i talk about him so much, but i am MORE than happy to write babychuu!! :3
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headcanons below the cut! . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .
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˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ chuuya regresses to 5 years old! hes a flip with a caregiver lean! hes a very polite kiddo, and is honestly an easy kid to take care of. youd think with his confident personality when hes big hed be a bit more of a louder kid, but honestly, hes very calm and polite. he says please and thank you, he cleans up after himself, a very good baby :3
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ he LOVES those airbuds movies, i made a post about it around a month ago, those movies with all the golden retriever puppies, like santa buddies, spooky buddies, snow buddies, treasure buddies, etc. theyre his absolute favorite!! he gets so excited to see them! anything puppy themed is his go to, seeing as how much he loves puppies. i can also see him liking paw patrol, and hell get all excited and keep on saying "chase is on the case!".
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ he likes to go outside a lot! in the spring and summer hell play in the mud and get pretty dirty, but chuuya knows its not good to track mud and dirt and grass around the house, so hell allow himself to get cleaned up at the end of the day and then have a nice little treat as a reward :3
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ hes mostly verbal when regressed, hes not really a baby baby, moreso toddler/kiddo age, he can vocalize his wants and needs pretty well, but there are a few times he needs nonspeaking time, or help with big words.
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ hes had a few caregivers in his lifetime.
♡ in the sheep, regression was common (i mean- theyre all kids having to act like adults with no parents, living on the streets. it makes sense that some of the sheep would use regression as a coping mechnaism). no one in the sheep really had a set caregiver, but shirase and chuuya were close, so shirase would babysit chuuya.
♡ then albatross was a caregiver for chuuya. ill admit i havent read stormbringer yet... i wanna but idk why im procrastinating 😭 i know a decent amount about it, and about the flags from fanfictions and just being in the fandom though. i dont think albatross really knew a name for what chuuya was going through, but i do think he loved and cared about chuuya, and understood he was traumatized and not doing well mentally, and figured it would make sense for chuuyas brain to seek comfort in a childlike way. he already viewed chuuya as his little brother, he didnt care what age that meant, he just wanted to be there for him! the rest of the flags would babysit for chuuya as well, doc would bandage any ouchies hed get and give him a lolipop to keep him from crying. lippman would love to dress chuuya in fun outfits, and vice versa. iceman would spend quiet time with chuuya and color with him, let him sleep on his lap, pet his hair and make him some tea while he drank his coffee (giving caffeine to a five year old doesnt go over well, lol, he didnt want chuuya too excited- that part he left for albatross lol). i hc specifically that iceman would give chuuya sleepytime tea to get him tired and to fall asleep lol, he likes a quiet environment, and though chuuya is by no means a rowdy kid, sometimes its just nice to relax with a sleeping baby in your lap! i dont know much about pianoman tbh... but he babysat for chuuya too!!
♡ i could see adam being a caregiver as well, and this is where chuuya discovered that what he experienced had a name- age regression. adam, being a robot, was able to inform and educate chuuya about it in a way that the sheep or the flags couldnt. chuuya didnt see anything wrong with it. from all of his life that he could remember he regressed, other people he knew regressed, no one had a problem with it, and if they did they could mind their own business, so help him, lol.
♡ and then ofc, dazai caregives for chuuya! whereas i headcanon chuuya as a flip, dazai is solely a regressor, and has problems accepting his own regression, but would take care of chuuya no questions asked at the drop of a hat. he knows chuuya would, and does, do the same for him, and theyre partners. having each others backs and taking care of each other is what they do. and if taking care of each other means watching paw patrol for hours, or taking chuuya to the park to pet some puppies, or cradling him as he falls asleep, drooling onto dazais chest, then thats what hes gonna do.
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ the caregiver headcanons were so long... but its not my fault, everyone loves chuuya!! they all wanna take care of the baby!!
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ pet names!! i think chuuya would like to be called baby boy, honey, kid/kiddo, pretty common ones. dazai would ofc use chibi, mackeral, and slug, i read somewhere the hc that he calls baby chuuya neonate, which is the baby version of a slug lol, and i love that. adam calls chuuya very basic names, like sweetheart and honey. i like to imagine shirase calling chuuya little lamb, cuz they were in the sheep, and singing mary had a little lamb to him, and chuuya was the little lamb.
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ speaking of the sheep, chuuya has a sheep nightlight. he uses it when not regressed too, because hes scared of the dark. it gives him nightmares and reminds him of his time in the lab. so his sheep nightlight lets him sleep easier.
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ bed time is relatively easy for chuuya. hes an active baby, always wanting to get his hands onto a new activity, be it playing, coloring, tv, drawing, games, whatever. hes always a bit tuckered out by the end of the day and will easily fall asleep in his caregivers arms. he really, really likes to be cradled to sleep, or hugged in someones arms, because the warmth and safety of his caregiver's arms is a welcomed difference to the cold, loneliness he felt in the lab, or when he was afraid and breaking down all alone :(
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ chuuya is a trauma regressor (he is heavily implied to have cptsd, and i also headcanon him to have bpd). he regresses to cope with not remembering his childhood, and moreso from what he does remember of his childhood.
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ chuuyas a bit of an older kid, and he doesnt usually suck his thumb, but if hes feeling especially nervous or had a bad day or is having a panic attack or flashback, i think hed start sucking his thumb for comfort (despite telling dazai not to when hes taking care of him lol). dazai never understood the sentiment of pacifiers, but he knew when he was regressed and sucked on his fingers, chuuya always made him sue a pacifier, so he thought in the long run chuuya would appreciate if he gave him a pacifier to suck on. chuuya accepts it, he has nothing against pacifiers, he just needs the sucking sensation to calm down.
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ the baby loves cuddles!! even when hes not little, too, but especially when hes feeling small!! hell tuck his head under his caregivers chin and nuzzle into the neck, and he loves to sit on his caregiver's lap! and yknow whats even better than cuddles...? KISSES!! chuuya, the eversweet little guy he is, loves to give his caregiver kisses, and loves to be kissed!! he loves to shower them with kisses on their cheeks, and feels so warm and cozy when hes being put to bed for the night and his caregiver gives him a sweet, tender kiss on the forehead.
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ugh i have so many more headcanons but this is getting really long... im so into little chuuya especially with the release of the stormbringer manga... like theres no way this poor child doesnt regress to cope ☹️ i lowkey had to remind myself not to make this caregiver dazai centered because im brainrotted by soukoku lol. hes there vaguely, but i wanted little chuuya to be the center of attention!!
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sof1eee · 2 days ago
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What i think the squid game character's sexuality are:
1. Thanos: Bisexual
To be honest i feel like he could also be pansexual because i don't think he would care who he dates as long as they're hot and match his freak 🤷🏻‍♂️
2. Nam-Gyu: Gay
Idk man do I really need to elaborate further-more..?
3. Se-mi: Lesbian
This is just the same like Nam-Gyu, i can't really explain it but in what world do u see Se-mi and think "oh yeah she's straight" ? 😬
4. Gi-Hun: Bisexual
The tension he had with In-Ho and Sang-woo made me believe that this man is NOT straight. He's literally pulling all of the toxic man in the series 🔥😹
5. Sang-woo: Gay
Speaking of Gi-Hun..., Sang-woo is definitely gay bro, HOW DID HE NOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WHILE HAVING THAT FACE CARD? Also the tension with him and Gi-Hun?? Homosexuals. I feel like whenever people ask his sexuality he'll reply with "I'm straight" but deep down in his hearts... 👨‍❤️‍👨
6. In-Ho/Frontman: Bisexual
I don't understand why alot of people say he's gay when he LITERALLY HAD A WIFE??? He's definitely the same as Sang-woo, saying that he's straight, but unlike Sang-woo i think he would just say that he's straight because he doesn't want people to ask a million questions, not because of denial 🗣️
7. Dae-Ho: Straight
I haven't seen any signs of homosexualness from him in the series so I'm just gonna say he's straight. I've seen people ship him with Myung-Gi/Mg Coin and I don't really mind the ship but I don't think that would really fit his character (i do love the funny edits of them though 😋)
8. Hyun-Ju: Bisexual
Is it just me or am i seeing ALOT of bisexuals here..... , anyways she's definitely Bi, the characters that she get shipped with the most is literally Gyeong-Seok/246 and Young-Mi 😭. Personally i like 246 x 120 more because i see her and Young-Mi's relationship as big sis and lil sis, but I don't hate any of the ships. Also idk i feel like she gives Bisexual energy so bad 🙏🏻
9. Min-Su/125: ???
I ACTUALLY don't know his sexuality, like I can't figure it out. Genuinely. Many people hc him as gay but i don't think he only likes men, but i don't think he only likes women either. But i also don't think he's bisexual... SOMEONE HELP ME IN THE COMMENTS I CAN'T FIGURE HIM OUT 💔💔
10. Sae-Byeok: Lesbian
Genuinely, do i NEED to explain this???? Have u seen her with Ji-Yeong????? Idk what to say other then i miss her, she's in lesbian with Ji-Yeong and she's so hot 💕
11. Ji-Yeong: Lesbian
Speaking of Sae-Byeok! Her girlfriend are heree 💓💓💓, yeah no she's gay 10000%. I feel like we should've gotten more of her tbh, i feel like no one even remembers her backstory and her backstory ARE SO FUCKING SAD. Everytime anyone mentions her, it's always gotta be with Sae-Byeok. People don't really care about her character if Sae-Byeok is not involved 🫠
12. Ali Abdul: Straight
OKAY ALIWOO SHIPPERS PLEASE DON'T COME AT ME FOR THIS ONE 🙁🙁🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻, but like personally i always see Ali and Sang-woo as like big bro and lil bro, or just a platonic friendship. NOW LET ME REPEAT, I DON'T HATE THE ALIWOO SHIP, I JUST DONT SHIP IT. Also i miss Ali #bringbackmyman 😖
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Okay i think that's all of the characters that I remember from the top of my head, comment if i forgot any important characters 😋
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thus-wrote-mrs-zeppeli · 3 days ago
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AHHHH HIHIHI !!
just wanna start by sayinh youre like one of my fav people on this platform i live and die for every post 😭💞
And i finally caught the requests so !!
Headcanons for various jojo characters with a reader who has a healing stand mayhaps?
Feel free to put whoever else in, i dont mind, but i'd love it if you could do bruno and diego, my bbgs fr 🙏
Hihihi!! Aaaaa thank you so much I am SO honored!!!! And when u mentioned Bruno and Diego r your bbgs I had a “did I just send MYSELF a request??” Moment lolol literally I had to physically restrain myself from calling Bruno my wife when Jojo came up while I was chatting with some people irl the other day lolol-
I love him and Diego so much! And YES, I can do this! Sounds interesting~
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Bruno’s takes place before Giorno joins the squad
Content: for Diavolo and Diego: possessive and controlling behaviors, light depiction of injury
Various jjba characters x reader with a healing stand:
“Doctor! Doctor!”
Characters: Rohan Kishibe, Bruno Bucciarati, Diavolo, Diego Brando
Rohan Kishibe: You cannot BELIEVE he sometimes argues with you over healing him. Rohan has had a difficult personality for as long as you’ve known him, but really…you must insist you accompany him on his travels despite his protests. You’ve seen on more than enough occasions he’s liable to put himself in dangerous situations and get hurt. So you’re going with him.
He’ll always fight you on it, claiming it’s much easier to travel alone; but he has SOME nerve saying you in particular are difficult to travel with, because he always has some sort of grievance about almost everything when you go anywhere together.
You tell him if he didn’t put himself in harm’s way all the time you wouldn’t have to follow him around.
And even if he claims he won’t this time, you both know that’s not really a claim he can make. His inquisitive nature will Always get the best of him, so you will be there for when that curiosity inevitably gets him terribly injured in some way.
Thank goodness your man is difficult to kill…but he really needs to stop pushing his luck, it’s bad for both of you.
And despite him pretending your presence doesn’t change anything on his trips, he will try to be a little bit more careful when you’re involved. He thinks it’s because your constant worrying is irritating, but honestly he can’t bring himself to willingly lead you into something too dangerous. Most of the time.
Bruno Bucciarati: He will always consider himself responsible for the safety of his team, and the nature of your stand ability means you ease his mind when you’re near. You’ve seen his gang. They’re reckless, quick to get into fights, even with each other-there’s no need to worry about him but PLEASE do whatever you’re willing to do to make sure the others aren’t bleeding out from stab or gunshot wounds, or limping around with broken bones.
At Bruno’s request, you would always prioritize healing the injuries of the people he’s in charge of, but when the opportunity arises you will offer him some healing too.
He might not get nearly as bloodied and beaten as Mista does all the time…but you’ve noticed your dear Bucciarati seems to get chronic headaches, that especially intensify when he’s stressed about his work or managing the team. You never make a big deal out of it, don’t even mention it really, when you use your stand to ease his pain.
But he’ll always make a point to thank you. And gently remind you that he’s fine and you should focus your energy elsewhere.
You can only try to respect that for so long though. I mean, the reason your stand heals is because it’s in your nature to severely hate seeing your loved ones suffer.
And it’s not like he can be mad at you for caring about him. It’s just an unfamiliar feeling for him…he’s used to focusing all his attention on others and shouldering their burdens and taking care of them…so having you around trying to ease his pains…very unfamiliar, but not unwelcome.
It will take a while, but eventually he’ll grow comfortable enough to even ask for your healing touch when his pain is a little too much to bear on his own. But more often than not you’ll have to nag him to not push himself too hard and let you help him.
Diavolo: He considers it very fortunate you stumbled into his path. You consider it very Unfortunate. The Boss of Passione is an extraordinarily demanding partner, expecting absolute obedience and loyalty from you in return for his “love” and protection.
You’re not sure when you even wanted to be in a relationship with him, but you’re in too deep now. Defying an obsessive and paranoid man like him at this point would only get you in even more trouble.
He’s smothering, constantly breathing down your neck and making sure you’re not planning anything, and when he does let you leave wherever he’s decided to hole himself up, Doppio is always accompanying you. You’re expected to heal him if anything should happen, but you know Diavolo only says that in a weak attempt to veil that Doppio is actually the one watching you.
Daring to reveal your stand in front of anyone that is not him or Doppio will get you in hot water with the entire Italian mafia.
But it’s not like Diavolo needs your healing…he’s never around anyone who can hurt him anyways! You really are some just in case tool he keeps in his pocket; so your life is incredibly boring, even if it’s safe. And moving around all the time for his anonymity’s sake is annoying and uncomfortable. What’s the point of your stand if you can’t use it to help people?! He Really hates that compassionate nature of yours. Makes sense, given how thoroughly selfish he is…The two of you do not click at all, but he doesn’t care. You don’t need to like him, but he’s not letting you leave as long as you’re an incredibly useful tool.
Diego Brando: He does so adore how useful his partner’s stand is…To cure any sort of fatigue and injury…such a boon to him! He wants you all to himself and he will NOT be sharing you. So don’t even THINK about flashing your stand to anyone other than him, he won’t forgive you if you do that! He’s definitely using you a bit to his advantage. But he takes care of you in turn, making sure you live a comfortable life and giving you whatever you ask for. All you have to do is follow his easy rule and he’ll be a sweet and doting husband for you. Simple, right?
It tugs at your conscience sometimes though. To sit quietly on the side while someone suffers, simply because your husband demanded it. But a part of you can’t bear even the thought of upsetting Diego, after he’s been so good to you…and all he asked for was one simple thing.
And he was just looking out for you by telling you to keep your gift a secret…He cupped your cheeks in his hands so gently as he reminded you how bad it would be if an evil person found out about your powers. You could be in a lot of danger, and he might not be able to save you. So please, don’t needlessly endanger yourself like that. He couldn’t bear it if anything bad happened to you.
Deep down you know he’s just saying that to keep you under his control, but you love him…and you honestly believe at least a part of him also loves you.
So you’ll bend to his will usually. But what Diego doesn’t know can’t hurt him. If you mend a broken bone or ease a sore throat on occasion he might not find out. And even if he does find out, how mad can he really get at that? (Pretty damn mad, but you have too much value in his eyes for him to deal Too harshly with you, despite what he might say in the heat of the moment).
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Ngl I kinda blanked when coming up with additional characters, so I just went with some more faves, haha, the POWER of: “feel free to put whoever else in”!
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cryptdfish · 2 years ago
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“white mourning.”
#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’#jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice#judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice.#she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry#he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as#he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back.#he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb.#planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco#you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen#his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but#jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control#i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation.#but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse.#i relate to ​jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late#my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone.#kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon#disco elysium#de fanart#jean vicquemare#disco elysium fanart#jean heron vicquemare#jean posting#illustration#de#artists on tumblr#I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!#i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings#my little maiu maiu#cryptiduni#my art
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james-spooky · 4 months ago
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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netherdevil · 6 months ago
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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head
#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow#i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect#hEeEeLP MEeEeEE#i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me#SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK#i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn#like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid#plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask#i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is#or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever#okay speakijg of his face reveal#i have something i want to explain to the wall#a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488#the rest of me is neutral because idrc#the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features#it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all#idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it#I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character#that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much#but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling#anyway back to what i was saying#hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl#IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY#DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN#i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U#IM SO NORMAL#also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE#DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY
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cathalbravecog · 1 year ago
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i'm the antonymph of the internet
#how many tributes to this song will i make in my life#MANY ! it literally changed my life and means a lot to me. i love antonymph and vylet pony's music is worth checking out - please do.#unsupervised internet access as a queer neurodivergent kid anthem !!#i chose to do misty since we all know i like drawing her in experimental pieces and putting her in outfits. she also has art in a gir hoodi#from the clash team in treasure trove!! :D#this is also experimental/stylistic as well!! had fun!! nice to just draw something in one day and not worry. leaves me tired but...#haven't done a nice piece like so in one day in a while!!! i'm very proud :] it's a fun one#anyways... both a little tribute to the song and misty as a character#ihave so many thoughts about misty even if i dont talk publicly on them. shes a very interesting character to me and i care about her so#much. i compared her to fluttershy in the past - and realized that if i liked ttcc as a kid she would've been my favorite.#fluttershy on her own meant a lot to me as a child. including mlp itself as it's one of the core things that got me into drawing art online#a lot of my analysis on misty and headcanons at least on the more emotional scale do come from a bit of projecting but...it makes it more#fun to me when i can put myself into the shoes of a character like her who i already relate to. rrghh too bad im scared to talk about her#too much in nuanced detail in public since some people are... not so nice about her. though i know the tumblr audience is nice and unders#standing!!#anyways from me just having fun being me#i let misty have a little bit of fun... something i think she would possibly enjoy? i do see her as someone who gets nostalgic#and is stuck in more childish things and matters. she wants to play ip dip with you...its very sweet to me. letting myself and her be#confident through a song that means so much to me is kind of powerful to me. i had a lot of fun making this drawing.#anyways. love this song. love ttcc. love mity /p. be swag and be self indulgent and have fun. you can do anything u want forevah#toontown#toontown corporate clash#antonymph#guz art#rainmaker
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iwoulddieforienzo · 1 year ago
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Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!
He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH
HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.
And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH
#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be#so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating#like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read#and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’#bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere#but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak#and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u#and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN!#HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD……#my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing#i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘#and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War#Please Hug Me Though.#imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy#and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool#your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock#how are you supposed to respond to that.#snack time#toa#longpost
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girlivealwaysbean · 2 months ago
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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kiingbiing · 11 months ago
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sobredunia · 2 years ago
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This is how it feels like watching the Alex enjoyers and the Detah enjoyers
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