#“you can take me any time you like” - carla to lisa anyone???

[sarahlancashire]

tagged by @airesgay, thank you <3

Rules: Shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and post the 10 first tracks, then tag 10 friends to do the same

good luck, babe! by chappell roan

wrong again by kirsty maccoll

working for the knife by mitski

head over feet by alanis morissette

over my head by fleetwood mac

dreaming by blondie

please, please, please let me get what i want by the smiths

wedding bell blues by the fifth dimension

think about me by fleetwood mac

my life would suck without you by kelly clarkson

tagging @alisonscotlock @juliewlters @moxyphinx @elssbethtascioni @pea-green @tevos @lizmitches @notprincehamlet @majoris @luthqrs (feel free to ignore!!!)

[jmflowers]

Swarla Kisses Rated [x]

1. "Don't get dressed." (22nd November 2024)

The loud noise that occurred at the moment this kiss aired was the sound of an entire population's proverbial panties dropping. Has there ever been a hotter line spoken? This is the power-necking the soap community taught us about. Swarla started off SO strong it's frankly terrifying. 14/10 Carla knew what she wanted.

2. "Have you?" (29th November 2024)

When the most confident dyke on the cobbles asks you if you've changed your mind about your feelings for her, you are required by law to stubbornly keep your hand on your hip. Even if she pushes your hair back from your face as delicately as humanly possible??? If Lisa Swain ever looked at me like that I would burst into flames. 11/10

3. "Is that better?" (16th December 2024)

We reached the domesticity era of their love in 0.2 seconds flat and I for one am not upset about it. The way Carla nuzzles in? The tilt of Lisa's head? The repetition? I was not expecting more kisses so soon in their story. The only way this could've gotten better is if they'd eaten each other's faces after this had been a clearer angle. 7/10 Carla Connor saying, “I want you.” plays on loop in my head at all times.

4. "Mmm... truffley." (20th December 2024)

The prolonged eye contact???? The dazed look on Lisa's face immediately after?? The fucking giggles???? The sheer power Carla Connor has and wields for good (ie. my own entertainment). Coronation Street said y'all deserve this. 10/10 Carla can hand feed me any day of the week.

5. "See you later." (20th December 2024)

Have you ever seen anyone look so peaceful about a decision before? Carla Connor said, "Today's the day I kiss my girlfriend in the street." I know y'all were waiting for that Live Sally Reaction and it did not disappoint. I hope they kiss each other goodbye constantly forever. 6/10 The way she analyzed Lisa's entire face before leaning forward made me scream both internally and externally.

6. New Year's Countdown (31st December 2024)

If you thought I wouldn't lose my mind over the image of them off in a corner of the pub in their own little world, you were wrong. I need to know if this was a scripting choice, an acting choice, or an editing choice for reasons. I'm never going to get sick of the way Lisa pulls Carla closer by the shoulders (almost) every time they kiss. Lisa closing her eyes like that makes my heart stop beating. 8/10

7. "Ooh, your lip!" (31st December 2024)

You ever just get aggressively snogged by a woman who's falling in love with you (while your lip is busted open from fighting bad guys)? Superheroes really don't get days off but they do get the girl. I miss the power-necking (literally a month ago?!?), but this was still so cute. 9/10 for the sheer fact that Carla needed a New Year's like this considering she dies like 12 hours later.

8. "Won't take that long." (31st December 2024)

Carla Connor isn't the only one who nearly fainted shortly after this kiss. Lisa said let me flutter my drunk eyelashes at you. The way Carla opened her mouth?? The breathy, "You want to go to bed?" from Lisa??? The fucking forehead lean???? I am too goddamn gay for this to be on my screen. How did we get a month into this relationship and already reach 8 kiss scenes? 10/10 thanks Coronation Street for the gay rights.

9. "Please don't leave me here." (1st January 2025)

The fact that Lisa could walk away from Carla in this moment is frankly mind-blowing; her face is the same colour as Betsy's shirt. Lisa, woman, OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES. Someone said Carla looks like she died 3 hours ago and they're not wrong. 3/10 because I'm a sucker for the domestic nature of this but also I want to punch everyone in the face for not protecting our sick baby. Gold star for the Corrie makeup department and their highlighter collection.

10. "Are we okay?" (8th January 2025)

Lisa Swain's affectionate eye roll immediately after Bobby interrupted them is like 1/1000th of how we all really felt. She lingered on this kiss for so long. The hand coming up to cup Carla's head? The forehead lean again? Carla's little smile when she realized what was about to happen? Give these ladies a room that isn't in hospital or full of their children. 9/10 we're watching f/f hurt/comfort fanfiction live on ITV.

11. Comforting Hand (9th January 2025)

We're deep in the trenches of this hurt/comfort storyline now, kids. I hope Lisa plans on sitting vigil at Carla's bedside for the rest of their damn lives (yes I'm wearing my clown makeup while I watch this soap). 4/10 because my self-deprecating baby pulled away from the love and support she deserves.

12. Good Luck (13th January 2025)

As far as kisses go, this barely passes the test, but THEY ARE FAMILY. Carla, proper bricking it. Betsy, also bricking it. Good thing Lisa Swain swooped in to wish her wife girlfriend good luck with the most vanilla cheek peck known to man. Someone get them a room and a dialysis machine whirring to drown out all their kids, stat! 5/10 cause I respect the domesticity.

13. "We'll make it happen either way." (17th January 2025)

At the precise moment that Carla Connor's head settled in against Lisa Swain's shoulder and her eyes closed and she smiled that little smile while Lisa declared them a 'we', my heart officially stopped beating and I passed away. Rating this soft head kiss an 8/10 from the grave because (whatever entity you believe is on the other side) agreed with me: that's the Connor-Swain family!

14. "I'm not scared. I'm not." (20th January 2025)

Carla Connor is absolutely not scared. And she absolutely did not inch forward slightly so that Lisa could be the one to decide to hold her and make her feel safe. Absolutely none of that happened. I'm going to forever be soft about all these forehead kisses and collapsing-into-each-other hugs. Rating this a 9/10 for the utter loving, vulnerability of it all. Now, go make sweet love about it!

[pascalls]

Hi! I'd love to learn more about Charlie 😊 I've seen you mention that he was an employee of Burns' - what happened to him for him to become a hybrid? I'm also really interested to know how that affected his personality, and his outlook on things, and whether the way people interact with him has changed since. And has he always lived in Springfield? Apologies if that's too many questions (I really love learning about people's OCs 😊)!

You’ve presented me with an opportunity to go into the lore of my OC and now you have NO ESCAPE. WATCH OUT THIS IS GONNA BE LONG.

Charlie has always lived in Springfield, most likely, and is the result of wealthy parents having absolutely no interest in their own child beyond using him as a bargaining chip, attempting to marry him off to another marginally wealthy family so that they can combine wealth and continue to be rich bitches. He was arranged to marry the daughter of the other family, but unfortunately, he’s primarily gay (he has some women exceptions to the rule, but they’re few and far in between). So an arranged marriage would’ve been miserable and terrible. In an attempt to prepare himself for married life, he has a one-night stand with a woman named Carla who accidentally births a little boy, affectionately named Connor. 

Charlie wants to be present for the boy, but urges Carla to keep his parenthood a secret. Their general incompatibility, Charlie’s pre-arranged commitment, and Carla’s eventual disgust for Charlie’s homosexual tendencies keep her from allowing Charlie to truly act as a parent, though she doesn’t waste time in dropping the child off for days at a time for him to look after. Connor grows up knowing his father, but he isn’t very empowered by his mother. As a result, Connor is a bit of a fearful and quiet kid and both Charlie and Carla are at odds. Charlie considered fighting for custody, but did not, for fear that it would throw his whole arranged marriage deal into chaos. Connor remained a secret from Charlie’s parents throughout his childhood.

He got a job at the plant in his thirties so he could at least attempt to learn some sort of independence before being married off (and perhaps learn how to be a provider for Connor without relying on his own parents’ wealth), but with a penchant for numbers, he just ended up being another pencil pushing accountant. Faced with depression, lack of guidance in his own life, his inability to see his son on the regular, and being enormously closeted, he sort of just lived day by day. (Of course, there were some experiments, like his VERY brief one night stand with a particular lawyer, but that ended in a bitter, catty rivalry that carries on to the day.) 

Anyway, my guess is that Burns had it in mind to use some of the plant workers as an attempt to harness the radioactivity that just kind of FLOATS around there to combine animal DNA with human DNA and create super-workers that would be much more efficient and trainable, but would complain less about health benefits. Charlie was just the unlucky first pick for guinea pig. He disappeared at the plant for several weeks while his genetic code got all sorts of messed up and only escaped with the help of the other idiot plant workers that didn’t do their due diligence at locking up the section of the plant that Burns had him tucked away in. But now he looked like a horrible mutant - in his opinion - and he holed up in somewhere in the woods until nightfall. 

Once night came around - it was raining too, which didn’t help - he made a break for it to try and hide out somewhere in the town. Unfortunately, a certain reverend decided to accidentally plow into Charlie with his car and had to drag him home to his basement because 1) he couldn’t tell the cops that he’d just killed someone, if Charlie ended up dead 2) this thing isn’t human. When Charlie eventually came to in Lovejoy’s basement, he decided that this was the opportunity he had to live a new life. Be someone entirely different (though why he didn’t change his name is his own particular brand of stupidity, but luckily, Burns’ little pet project was soon forgotten by the man himself and Smithers is reluctant to give Charlie away because he’s not that invested). 

So he let his hair grow, let himself be more open about his sexuality, and took up smoking and drinking (and a number of drugs to cope with the trauma of having your entire body changed without your consent), and now is the over-the-top, sometimes wildly inappropriate gay lizard you now see today, though he still does his best for his son, whose mother is only marginally aware of anything that happens in town. His parents were told that he had died in a tragic accident and seem to be just fine with that. They’ve not made any attempts to find him themselves and his previously arranged fiance found another man to wed.

BUT HIS NEW LIFE IS STILL NOT WITHOUT ITS STRUGGLES. He falls in love with the stupid sardonic nature of Reverend Lovejoy and constantly works to undermine the man’s religion (though he’s marginally careful about boundaries, i.e.: he would never disparage Helen, nor would he take it upon himself to sabotage their marriage), but he’s relatively unsuccessful. He falls deeper and deeper, further complicating things when he dons a hokey Halloween costume so he can go out and live a life free of persecution because of his non-human nature. He takes on the role of a new-age plague doctor (despite knowing next to nothing about medicine), and gets a job at Springfield Elementary as the school nurse (despite not having any credentials, but who does). 

He regularly attends church - just for the sake of being present in town - and finds an enemy in Ned Flanders who takes up far too much of Lovejoy’s time for Charlie’s envious nature to be satisfied with - and bounces wildly between pining for a man he can’t have and trying to keep himself from constantly throwing hands with Flanders (who has a suspicion that Charlie is some kind of demon presence put on Earth to turn the reverend away from God, which incidentally, might not be that inaccurate). 

Most people in Springfield never knew his name before, and thus don’t make the connection between who he is now and who he was before, but he is careful with divulging too much personal information to anyone. Despite that, he regularly explores intimacy with other men because of his desire to be appreciated, loved, and doted on (which he is most certainly not getting from Lovejoy), including several nights spent with Smithers who becomes a bit of a confidante. On that note, while he does his best to maintain his secret, there are a number of people who know that he is not human, including Marge (a mother-figure to him, despite them being the same age, but she gives him good advice), Lisa (because she isn’t dumb), Superintendent Chalmers and Principal Skinner (both involved in some shenanigans that need a lot more context to get into lmaoo), and eventually, Sam the barfly. 

As he is now, Charlie is constantly looking for some kind of reassurance in the form of affection, but is increasingly frustrated by Lovejoy’s insistence that there is nothing between them, despite evidence to the contrary and heavily influenced by the man’s (and his own internalized) apparent homophobia. (I made an animatic with them several weeks ago and it very much embodies their dynamic.) He buries himself in drinking and drugs to chase away his feeling of inadequacy and his fears of being a good parent, as well as his realization that his parents never truly cared, how he is slated to be relatively alone for the rest of his life, and the fear that he will never be normal again. But he combats this deep depression with his over-the-top personality, at times, and his smarmy, self-absorbed facade of confidence that would shatter if anyone poked a little too hard at it.

AND THAT’S WHERE HE IS NOW.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

[gonewiddershins]

Romancelandia you don’t have to ask I’m just gonna say it anyway~

Original Post Here

Barbara Cartland: Favourite author?

Courtney Milan.

Alisha Rai: Favorite era? (i.e. when they were written, not when set)

Current! I’m ecstatic to see how much more punk the romance novel genre has become lately- so many authors explicitly talking about race and class and gender and mental health and neurodivergence in so many interesting ways. Independent publishing opening up entirely new avenues which were not recommended for traditional publications. It’s exciting and wonderful.

Eve Dangerfield: Favourite setting for historicals?

Not sure if my opinion matters here because I have read books from very few eras? I think my preferences have moved to mid-to-late Victorian era for England-based books, but what I really want more of is historicals on other (non North American) continents. I badly want to do a romance in Historical India that is not about Englishmen, for example. Like a Muslim and Hindu falling in love during the Aurangazeb era, maybe. 

Anne Mather: Favourite contemporary setting/sub-genre

Again, I haven’t really read enough to form a nuanced opinion- when I look for contemporaries, my first priority used to be “does this make me laugh?” Which is um- a relic of a bygone era, because that used to be the only thing I wanted from contemporaries. 

Right now, I try to get read more of diverse romance in contemporary eras. Again, including non-American/English nationalities.

Georgette Heyer: Third or first person tense?

Either will do. It’s not really a factor in how much I enjoy a story. 

Lisa Kleypas: Hero/ine you’d most like to date & Jane Austen: Hero/ine you’d most like to be friends with

Same answer to both of the above categories. I’ll take anyone who I think is a rational person who forgives misunderstandings ans does not try to actively make them. I’m not really that picky. 

Amanda Quick: Hero/ine you most relate to

At the time when I first read it as a dramatic early twenties person, Minerva Lane from Courtney Milan’s The Duchess War spoke to me. There was a lot in there about fear and having to push yourself down fro the sake of survival that was similar to my life back then. I cried a lot when I read that book. 

More recently, I really wanted to snuggle up to Verity Plum from Cat Sebastian’s A duke in Disguise because her feelings of independence and placing it above pretty much everything else her life is... yeah. A lot of what Verity says sounds intimately familiar. 

Julie Anne Long: Historical or contemporary?

Historical. Given a choice between two books which are similarly positioned in terms of tropes I like and hate, I’ll pick a historical every time. 

Mariana Zapata: Open or closed door sex scenes? & Anne Hampson: Erotic or clean romances?

Ninety percent of the time I’m thoroughly disinterested in the sex scenes, and sometimes I am actively annoyed at the many pages of boning happening while the protagonists barely have an emotional connection. That said, there are plenty books which have no sex scenes where I am reduced to gross sobbing because GODDAMMIT THERE IS TOO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION IN THE AIR GIVE ME BONING.

I am still thirsty about Jo Beverley’s The Unwilling Bride. There was so much sexual tension and growth and Lucien was hot as hell but there was no sex scene. //grumbles

Elizabeth Hoyt: Paranormal or science fiction?

I haven’t read that much SF romance, but I’m going to pick it anyway because the usual tropes associated with Werewolves/Vampires bug the crap out of me. 

Nalini Singh: Favourite tropes

Both the protagonists have problems with stakes, and one is not there to manic pixie the other. Protagonists have relationships (non-romantic) outside of the romance. Subversions and reversions of gender norms. Banter and Snark. Character tries very very hard to not be emotionally vulnerable, but goddammit there are these stupid feelings. 

Alyssa Cole: Least favourite tropes

Prolonged Miscommunication. Slut shaming, especially when coupled with I Have Had So Much Sex and I am So Experienced hypocrisy. Gratuitous sex with no emotional connection. Protagonists immediately throwing over all other friends/family/loved ones for the sake of their new romantic interest. False competence in female characters which immediately get thrown to the wind when the romantic interest comes on scene (Ahem. Never Judge a lady By Her Cover.)

Rose Lerner: Favourite / Least favourite series

Nope.

Sandra Marton: Favourite romantic non-romance or love story

Unspoken Trilogy, by Sarah Rees Brennan. It is in part a fascinating exploration of privacy in a relationship- most of the rest of it is about friendships and platonic relationships. There is also a cult of sorcerers trying to take over the world via human sacrifice but I continue to insist that’s mostly just setting information. 

Skye Warren: Any problematic faves?

I have a depressingly large soft spot for anything funny, and I will forgive a lot of despised tropes if a book makes me laugh. I’m easy.

Specific examples: Until You (Judith McNaught), Dragon Shifter Series (Katie MacCalister).   

Ainsley Booth: Position on HEAs

I’m cool with those.

Abby Green: Position on HFNs

I like these better than HEAs, because the characters I like tend to be difficult and also fighting various difficult scenarios so it’s far more likely that more problems will pop up in their lives than not. 

Kristen Ashley: Position on the “romance novels are feminist” discourse

Conflicted. I think many romances are feminist, but there are an equal number or more which are patently not. Like all other genres, it has to be judged on a book by book basis, not for the genre as a whole.  

Carla Kelly: Position on the “calling romance novels trashy is problematic” discourse

Yes. Outright dismissal of an entire genre is just dumb. 

Diana Palmer: Position on the “are romance novels porn” discourse

Ha, no. Porn is porn. 

Johanna Lindsey: Position on the “romance novels represent the female gaze” discourse

Yes, I guess? In many romances the way men are portrayed is markedly different from the way they are seen in other genres. Again, this is not a universal constant- all romances do not show men in the exact same way. 

Also, it is hard to find any other genre with a larger proportion of characters, viewpoints and conflicts centered around women so there’s that.   

Mary Jo Putney: Position on the “calling romances without sex ‘clean’ or ‘sweet’ is implicitly slut shaming romances with sex” discourse?

Yes. Just call them romances without sex. What are we, the moral police?

Cara McKenna: What’s your hot take on the “forced seduction” trope?

I understand the time and place where there scenes were popular, and the social norms which prompted them. I’m still uncomfortable with them and there are may things I’d rather read about so I avoid them.    

Abigail Barnette: Opinion of Fifty Shades of Grey

Never read it, don’t plan to. Like I said, sex is not really my thing.

Tessa Bailey: Opinion of Twilight

I gobbled these books like a maniac when I first read them and there is a lot of pure entertainment in there and there is so much emotion. That said, they are not quite as interesting on re-reads. :(

Kathleen E. Woodiwiss: Opinion of Pride & Prejudice

I’m not comfortable with the prose, which means i prefer to watch/read adaptations. Most notably the Lizzie Bennet Diaries. 

Lynne Graham: Opinion of Harlequin Mills & Boon

Meh. 

Tessa Dare: Opinion of bodice rippers

I mean, I would be fine if there wasn’t so much of people causing their own problems by refusing to talk to each other. 

Sylvia Day: Opinion of Fabio

I did not even know he was a real person till like- recently.

Roni Loren: Opinion of male romance authors

Yes please. Particularly if they are writing under female pseudonyms. With this, we are getting the exact same thing that female authors did and have to go through- a forced perspective from people oft he other gender. That can only lead to more nuance and acceptance and I am all about that.  

Courtney Milan: All-time favourite romance novel & Jana Aston: Favourite contemporary romance & Judith McNaught: Favourite historical romance

Nope.

Alexa Riley: Physical or digital books?

Digital. I tend to make a lot of highlights and notes and that holds up much better with ebooks. 

E.L. James: Internal drama or external drama

Characters who are not getting together/along because they can’t communicate with each other are better off not being with each other in the first place. So if that’s what internal drama is then I prefer the external type. 

Sarah MacLean: Favourite heroine/s & Maya Rodale: Least favourite heroine/s & Penny Reid: Favourite hero/s & Megan Hart: Least favourite hero/s & Stephenie Meyer: Favourite and least favourite couple/s

I have types rather than specific examples. Most of it has already been detailed out in the tropes questions.

Beverly Jenkins: First romance novel you ever read

Almost Heaven, by Judith McNaught.

Sabrina Jeffries: How long have you been reading romance novels?

14 years or thereabouts.  

Loretta Chase: Last romance novel you read

A Duke in Disguise by Cat Sebastian. I’m currently reading An Unconditional Freedom (Alyussa Cole) and Earthrise (MCA Hogarth).

Christina Lauren: Do you need to start a series from the beginning, or can you just dive in anywhere?

Anywhere is fine.

Chuck Tingle: How strong does your HEA have to be?

Not much. See the HFN answer. 

Julia Quinn: Underrated author/s & Mary Balogh: Most overrated author/s & Violet Winspear: Most overrated book/s & Sara Craven: Most underrated book/s & Susan Elizabeth Phillips: Best romance by a debut author? & Madison Faye: Favourite romance by a non-romance author

Error Report: Cannot Compute, not enough data.

Nora Roberts: Least favourite hero and heroine archetypes

Eloisa James: What are you reading when you’re not reading romance?

Fantasy, Science Fiction, YA, Comics, Mysteries, Fanfiction, Nonfiction. I’ll read anything. 

Teresa Medeiros: Other media property you wish was a romance novel

Idk what this means?   

Laura Lee Guhrke: Last romance novel you DNFed

I think it was Elizabeth Kingston’s A Fallen Lady? Which was actually a GOOD book and I skipped ahead to scenes I really wanted to see and those scenes made me cry but also... there was not much about the romance itself that I was really interested in. I loved the heroine to death though. 

Cat Sebastian: Alpha, Gamma, or Beta heroes?

Depends on how they are written, but I confess an Alpha is so easily made into an irredeemable dipshit.  

Jeannie Lin: Ideal hero and heroine archetypes

Family-minded hero stressed out about taking care of his family. Independent, business minded heroine. 

Helen Hoang: Sexually experienced or inexperienced heroines? & Lucy Monroe: Sexually experienced or inexperienced heroes?

Experienced heroines and inexperienced heroes. Play against the type!

Lorraine Heath: When you choose a book do you look for tropes, plots or authors?

Authors, then Tropes. I barely pay attention to plots. 

C.D. Reiss: Puns in titles: 👍 or 👎?

YES. I have picked up books purely because of punny titles. 

Emily Bronte: Favourite cover designs/illustrations & Maya Banks: Least favourite cover design 

I suck a remembering covers so this question is going to get skipped~

Penny Jordan: What would you like to see more of in romance novels?

Diversity and cliche subversions. 

Lauren Blakey: What would you like to see less of in romance novels?

Overplayed cliches played in the same way again and again. Relationships based entirely on sex. 

Betty Neels: What do you think are the high and low points of the genre?

Highs: Romancelandia is probably the most intelligent and nuanced fandom I have ever been a part of and I have been a part of many fandoms. The genre is very, very diverse and there are so many experiments going on in the fringes. Questions and stories about the emotional components of relationships can never get old because there are too many permutations to explore in a few lifetimes.  

Lows: The core of the romance novel industry is still trying desperately to hold on to tropes and themes of older days, many of which are regressive. 

Jill Shalvis: Finish this sentence: “Romance novels are__________”

complex social commentaries. 

[evenstevensranked]

#42: Season 1, Episode 20 - “Almost Perfect”

Ren gets a "C" in shop class which means it's the end of the world. Louis' locker is festering with steam and bacteria, so Wexler lets him use a storage closet until it’s fixed. Naturally, Louis makes the best of it and renovates the space into a south-of-the-border themed hang out.

This episode opens with the subplot. We see steam blasting out of Louis’ locker accompanied by “Halloween”-esque tinkering piano. I don’t know why I never noticed the opening line before, but Twitty asks “Dude, are you grilling turkey dogs in your locker again?” Why am I laughing at this?! Louis explains that his locker has had a hot water leak all week. It’s causing moss to grow on his egg salad sandwich and mushrooms to “not only grow, but THRIVE” on his math book. He tries to ask Principal Wexler for help, but.. ya know.. Louis isn’t exactly the most reputable student. So Wexler pretty much ignores his pleas. Probably because he was too busy running off to a meeting with Vice Principal REN STEVENS! 

He finds Ren and approaches her all excited like “Guess whaaaat?!” Ren guesses that he finally bought some red car he’s always wanted. I like this because it foreshadows Dirty Work where Wexler DOES get his snazzy red convertible. The big news is that she’s a shoo-in for Student of the Semester. This whole scene is slightly uncomfortable, like most of their scenes together. Their relationship is so weird. He even calls her “the daughter I never had.” Okay. He suggests that she should write some glowing article about herself in the school paper. Why would anyone ever suggest that? How arrogant would that be? Either way, Ren ends up agreeing to said article but instead of writing it herself.. she assigns two little minions to do it.  

No, really. Am I the only one weirded out by this? lol. 

We meet Carla (Lisa Folies, All That!) and Marla (Krysten Leigh Jones, Remember the Titans) for the first time. They're two young girls who are obsessed with Ren and her ~perfection~. We only see them one other time in Season 2. They’re very eager to impress Ren and dress exactly like her and everything. I never understood how people dress the same as others on TV shows like this. How does that work? Did they break in and photograph all of Ren’s clothes one day and then go out to buy everything??? Do they have cameras in Ren’s room that live stream her outfit choices every morning? And then proceed to reach into their Ren Closet and wear the same exact thing? Like... How else is this even possible at all? 

They’re fawning over Ren and asking her what it’s like to be perfect. Ren insists she’s not perfect, but when she’s asked to list some of her imperfections… She acts all cutesy arrogant like “what do’ya know! I guess I don’t have any! *shrug*” It’s a little off-putting.

Louis’ locker water leak has gotten so bad he needs to wear a wetsuit and goggles to school now, lol. There’s seaweed or something growing in there and it’s also the home of an evil life form that somehow materialized. He tells Wexler “I swear to Pete, there’s something growing in there and I don’t think it likes me at all!” Who are these men everyone in the Even Stevens-verse swear to?! Twitty swears to Bob, Louis swears to Pete. Once Wexler sees the extent of the damage, he lets Louis use an old storage closet for the time being. I never got that. Sure, Louis keeps a whole lotta junk in his locker -- but what normal person needs a giant closet for a few books and a jacket? Anyway, Wexler says “make yourself at home” so you know Louis is gonna run with it. Like, I’ve said before... If you give Louis an inch, he WILL take 20 miles. 

“I can make this work” he whispers to himself as he observes the closet space, lol. I just realized there’s an actual physical lightbulb next to him, signifying the idea. Wow. 

Even though she’s the number one contender for Student of the Semester, Ren really wants to ensure that she gets the title… again. Apparently you get a $25 Honey Ham gift card and it’s really satisfying. Why she gotta be so greedy, tho??? According to Wexler she's already been Student of the Semester for the last two semesters, she’s Student Policy Monitor, lord knows what else, AND don’t forget that she's practically Vice Principal as well. Geeez, Ren! Let some of the other kids have their time to shine. But, regardless.. her plans are halted when she gets a C in shop class, jeopardizing her chances. As you can probably guess, this means it’s the end of the world. Well, what did she expect?! Everyone else constructed things like violins and grandfather clocks. But Ren Stevens thinks she can pass with flying colors by making a pizza paddle. In comparison to everyone else’s projects, hers is honestly worth a D- lol. Sorry, Ren!

LOOK AT HER COMPETITION! She seriously submitted a pizza paddle -- a literal slab of wood -- and expected an A. 

Louis decides to turn the closet space into a Mexico-style club. I mean, what else do you expect from Louis Stevens? He has an entire construction team come in to do the job and forges Principal Wexler's signature to pay for it. I feel like this is an episode that has glimmers of the more outlandish, unrealistic plots we see sprinkled throughout Season 2 and super frequently in Season 3. But, the odd thing about this case.. is that it doesn’t seem THAT outlandish to me. I can actually see Louis pulling this off, lol. I’m pretty sure Shia is ad-libbing all of Louis’ commands to the construction workers. (i.e. “Come on, guys! We should have the ceiling fans by now!”)

Something that made me laugh: Ren aimlessly walks around clutching her pizza paddle repeating “C” to herself in disbelief. She walks by Louis and the renovation crew so he asks her “We’re thinking of going with this Burnt Tortilla paint for our walls… What do you think?” and all she can say is “C” …but, Louis takes it as “Si” and I can’t deal with it.

A conversation between Ren and Wexler is accidentally broadcast through the intercom… letting the entire school know that “Ren Stevens got her first C.” Everyone listens in utter shock and some people even rush to the principal’s office just to stare at Ren with disappointment. Everyone held her to a ridiculously high standard and now they’re all depressed and let down because -- SHOCKER! -- she’s not perfect. How dare she!

Because of this, Carla and Marla completely let themselves go and dress like ragamuffins the next day. I feel like there’s a lesson here: Do not put all of your faith in a mere human being, you guys. This is all too extreme. It’s a C. They’re acting like she committed some morally wrong, unforgivable crime. Hardly. However, in Ren’s world, a C is an unforgivable crime. So, technicallyyy she did this to herself. Oops. She eventually decides to “fight back” for a chance to re-do her project, and suddenly Carla and Marla love her again.

Louis unveils the newly renovated locker/closet to Twitty. I love this scene. Twitty walks in and says “Dude, I’m in Mexico!” and Louis is like “Nooo, my friend. *turns on Mariachi music* NOWWWW YOU'RE IN MEXICO!!!"

He proceeds to show Twitty around the small space saying things like "See that? That's not a guitar, it's a bass and I got it shipped in from Meh-hee-co" with the accent. The line that kills me though is "See that matador painting? The guy at the gas station told me it's on real velvet." - Incredible. This line is actually a very obvious overdub. It cuts away to a shot of the painting and Shia clearly recorded this line as a voiceover after the fact. The quality and volume of the audio is totally different from the rest of the scene. Just something I always noticed. Wexler obviously finds out about this when he receives the work order and pays Discoteca Louis a little visit. 

“You said make myself at home, so I did. Tropical smoothie?”

Wexler tells him “Stevens. I want you, your smoothie, and your tacky velvet matador painting out of here in 24 hours!” and leaves. Feeling like this is an injustice, Louis decides to throw a muy grande farewell fiesta before the place is torn down. We get one of my favorite lines here: 

Twitty: I kinda like the matador painting.

Louis: Yeah. “Tacky”?! HE PAID 12 BUCKS FOR THAT!

Ren goes to speak to her shop teacher after school and we see that his license plate reads “WOOD LVR.” He also tells her “Ren, maybe you haven’t noticed but.. I LOOOOVE WOOD! Wood is ma’lady.” Why do I feel like this is another innuendo? All I can think of is Beyoncé. SERFBORT. Her teacher ultimately gives her a second chance at the project. Of course. All she has to do is make a perfect footstool and she’ll get an A.    

There’s a line half way around the world to get into Louis’ party. He has bouncers, velvet rope, and Twitty is keeping track of a guest list. This is so hilarious it’s ridiculous. To highlight how ~exclusive~ the party is, Twitty won’t even let Carly Blaine, his own cousin, in because her name isn’t on the list. Louis eventually turns it into a free for all and allows everyone to go in. How they all fit, I have no idea.

After completing and submitting her footstool for grading, Ren is anxiously awaiting the outcome in the hallway. Here is where we finally get a fantastic character moment from Louis:

Louis: “You ever wanna be normal? You're always trying to be perfect at everything.“

Ren: “What's wrong with being perfect?"

Louis: “It's not normal.”

YOOOOOOO! How fire is that line, though?! The matter-of-fact, simple way he was able to get through to Ren reminds me of something Shia said irl at his #TouchMySoul art instillation. I love caring, smart Louis! Yes.

Ren ends up getting a B- on her footstool. She’s not too happy, but she accepts it. Sheesh! If I got a B- in junior high, it would be up on the refrigerator door! Dang. She says she’s done with being perfect and goes to have some fun at Louis’ shindig.  

There’s a Ricky Martin - “Livin’ La Vida Loca” knockoff song playing at the party, presumably called "Casa de Fiesta.” IT GETS STUCK IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME BUT I LOVE IT. We get a montage of Louis partying it up set to this song, which is truly a vision. Although, I can’t help but feel like Tumblr would crucify him for the cultural appropriation. Or would this count as "appreciation"? He has an authentic Mariachi band and everything. It just hit me -- Where the heck is Tawny?! Surely she’d have something to say. 

Louis is shocked when he sees Ren there. This is another one of my favorite moments:

Louis introduces Ren to the band and I swear this is Shia ad-libbing again. (i.e “This is Arnesto! And Manuuuuel!”)

…and that’s pretty much it.  

This is a good episode. It really is. But, much like Dirty Work.. This popular and memorable Louis storyline is only a subplot. Also, nothing serious happens with Louis as a character here until the last few minutes. Like I said, I adore his mini speech to Ren. GAHH!! When Louis is good, he is REALLY good. He just busts out some profound crap outta nowhere sometimes. Gotta love that. As usual, this Ren main plot just isn’t as strong. It's so unfortunate. But seeing Louis’ words get to her is touching, and it’s great to see her let go at the end.

Thanks for reading as always! Getting back into the swing of things after my trip to New York last weekend. :)

Please, chime in using the Disqus comment section below!

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[fortressza]

Yesterday a few of our Cape Town and Johannesburg readers were treated to an early screening of James Franco’s latest masterpiece, The Disaster Artist. Thanks to Empire Entertainment, we hosted a press screening at V & A Cinema Nouveau and Rosebank Nouveau. “Is The Disaster Artist funny? Is The Disaster Artist inspiring? Does James Franco pull off the Tommy Wiseau impersonation?” These are a few of the questions answered by our film critics – you, the viewers.

Tommy Wiseau’s cult classic The Room, known as the best worst movie, holds a special place in the hearts of many, including some of the readers in the audience. It’s a film so bizarre and so strange that only the team of James Franco, Dave Franco and Seth Rogen could do a biopic on the film justice. And they really have. You’ll have’ta look twice to tell Wiseau and Franco apart.

Of course, the film is full of laughs but deep down underneath all the funny stuff is a truly remarkable character portrayal that’s super impressive.

Franco has managed to pick up numerous awards for his performance, including a Critics’ Choice award, Detroit Film Critics Society award, a Golden Globe and many others. The film currently holds an approval rating of 92% based on 255 reviews on review aggregation website Rotten Tomatoes.

I had high expectations from the trailers and the Franco brothers delivered. James Franco played a role he will be remembered for. – Ravind Boodhram

The Disaster Artist was absolutely amazing, definitely the best movie I’ve seen this year. James Franco was brilliant and delivered an awesome movie in my opinion. – Dean Bruiners

The Disaster Artist was so inspiring. I feel like if Tommy could, I can. I’ve never enjoyed a set of characters as much as I’ve enjoyed them and I did not… Oh hi, Mark. – Judith Joubert

It was really funny! Something different as their movie made no sense at all. Still intriguing that no one knows where Tommy is from or how he is so wealthy. – Leona Naicker

It was such a great film! I haven’t laughed that hard in a while, it’s a must-see for anyone who has ever watched The Room. – Carla Pels Bekker

You're tearing me apart, Lisa!!! How awesome are these random strangers at #TheDisasterArtist screening at #Nouveau @VandAWaterfront . Thanks for the tix, @FortressofS !! pic.twitter.com/rFYIZt4ypI

— Leonie Mollentze (@LeonieMollentze) February 8, 2018

The Room was a terrible movie, made by two dreamers. This much we knew. But James and Dave Franco embodied these dreamers so accurately onscreen in The disaster artist that at times it was near impossible to tell if I was watching a movie or documentary. Outstanding performances by both Franco’s, but special kudos to James Franco! – Quentin Rood

I’ve never seen The Room or any trailers for The Disaster Artist. But what a brilliant movie. The laughter and comedy aside (which was top notch), it truly placed so much emphasis on friendship and the support of friends when things get difficult. Seriousness aside, the acting was impeccable – the actors suited the roles perfectly, one would think the movie was written just for them. A must watch for those who appreciate cult classics and a good chuckle. – Mari Badenhorst

The Disaster Artist is about friendship, following your dreams and never giving up. A film based on the true story of ‘the best worst movie ever made’ definitely makes me want to watch the original. Quite funny in some parts. – Faadhil Sadek

Found the movie: Depressingly humorous through it realism. I am not a movie buff at all but thoroughly enjoyed it. – Grant Horley

I actually thought it was very well done. I initially thought it was going to be a comedy, but some scenes were awkward and made you really feel for Tommy. Even I had a few, “ah shame man” moments. I didn’t expect there to be that much drama and was pleasantly surprised by it. – Nico Paulse

Time for #TheDisasterArtist @FortressofS pic.twitter.com/67hLhASNEQ

— Wayne Warren (@Dwayne_is_dead) February 8, 2018

The film was good, very peculiar but good. I think James Franco did a good job playing Tommy Wiseau. – Naeemah

A serious comedy about a serious (accidental) comic. The Disaster Artist is a peculiar, yet pleasant journey into the mind of one of Hollywood’s greatest mysteries: Mr Tommy Wiseau. – Wayne Warren

James Franco’s gives a brilliant comedic nod to the making of the cult film ‘The Room’ – considered the best worst film of all time. Stellar performances and extremely entertaining. 4 stars! – Evelyn Stroud

I thought it was great. James Franco was great as Tommy Wiseau, and his brother Dave was also good. – Trent Meikle

I thought the movie was great. It was lovely to see a mockumentary of this cult classic. James Franco really did a great job! I mean he did a better job at acting as Tommy Wiseau than Tommy did! – Byron Hendricks

What a hilarious, yet surprisingly inspiration story surrounding such a mysterious dude. Fun from beginning to end, the film manages to get you to laugh at this character and then also empathize with him. Was a thoroughly enjoyable movie. – Chris Muller

The film was brilliant. I think Franco pulled off Wiseau nearly perfectly and all of the references were great. – C Alberts

It was surprisingly moving, and seriously funny. Their scene recreations were scarily accurate, and the film worked so well as a story, not just taking cheap shots at The Room. – Nic Gonzalez

The Franco brothers portray Tommy and Gregg perfectly! The attention to detail is great, nailing every classic scene in the original film. Definitely worth a watch. – Quinton Dos Santos

That look you give when you're told you're the store's favourite customer. #OhHiDoggy #TheDisasterArtist @FortressofS pic.twitter.com/PoJW3f9tY1

— Nicolas González (@nicfluff777) February 8, 2018

It was great. James Franco really embodied Tommy Wiseau in a hilarious way. – Brandon Krige

The Disaster Artist is one of those movies that you’ll either love – because you love that particular style of film or because you are part of The Room cult following and understand the background – or absolutely hate. Case in point: I loved it because I have been obsessing over The Room, Tommy Wiseau and Greg’s book for years. – Leonie

Hilarious and Brilliant. James…at his finest since 127Hours. He captures Wiseau’s mannerisms & personage to a ‘T’. – Zimangazenkosi Mthimkhulu

Unconventional, different, funny, refreshing and very entertaining movie. We had a great evening. – Mia

Absolutely hilarious!! Throws head back like Tommy… Ha ha ha!! – Tristan Winslow

It was a good entertaining film, even though I haven’t seen ‘the room’. I would recommend it to others. – Riyaadh Sadek

A James Franco masterpiece and a must see. Sporadically funny, excellent cast and acting. Turning probably one of the worst movies ever (The Room) into a creative genius project. – David Klaasen

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James Franco is amazing as Tommy. The entire cast is class from start to finish! The film does wallow in some meta-narrative but does this in an extremely entertaining way. Dave Franco’s fake beard horrendous. – Benedict Winkler

The movie was pretty damn fantastic and surprisingly hilarious! And, in my opinion, one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. – Theo Brandt

The movie was different. – Maraliza C Leyds

The Disaster Artist is an excellent film. James Franco is superb as Tommy Wiseau. It’s a great mix of heartfelt emotion, good story, great acting by the two leads and humour. – Neilan Adams

This film is hilarious. I constantly found myself laughing, snickering or chuckling throughout. But don’t think because it is funny, it won’t pluck at the heartstrings. It will. – Franco Havenga

I thought the movie was both fun and insightful. Tommy is such a force of nature but I couldn’t help but empathise with his need to be seen for who he believes he is. It left me with a deep impression that has me yelling ” you’re tearing me apart!” and casually stating “Oh hi Mark” all the time. – Freda Smit

Pleasent indeed. This movie really was a real crowd pleaser. Everyone left in good spirit. What’s more to be said? – Caren

The movie was excellent. James Franco has made either the most tragic Comedy I’ve ever seen, or the funniest Tragedy I’ve ever seen. I have a new respect for the Franco brothers and The Room. It needs to win an award of some sort. – Leon Liebenberg

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Thanks to everyone who attended and made the screening a special night of fun. The Disaster Artist opens in cinemas today, 9th February 2018.

When Greg Sestero, an aspiring film actor, meets the weird and mysterious Tommy Wiseau in an acting class, they form a unique friendship and travel to Hollywood to make their dreams come true.

It Was A Night Of Fun And Laughter At The Screening Of The Disaster Artist #Event #MovieReview #Movies Yesterday a few of our Cape Town and Johannesburg readers were treated to an early screening of James Franco's latest masterpiece, …