#please give me some suggestions cause I’m really struggling to think of anything

[ria-coolgirl]

Hey I’m really bored and I’m running out of ideas for possibly the lost boys cartoon episodes.

So if you guys want, maybe send me some ideas for episodes.

Okay bye~ 😅

[ot8xbangchansgirlsblog]

Love the 0T8 story and requests... I have a request, please...

All of the members love on the omega physically, but chan really wants to be the one who breeds her first. He has this overwhelming desire to see her full with his pups. He has dreams and " gets off" to the image of her and hearing her sweet moans. One day he see omega helping han with a sprained wrist and seeing her all motherly and lightly scolding han for running in sock in the house, just makes him feral. He has reader go to their shared room and basically tried his best to ask if she would want this, without jumping her. They discuss it and she reveals to him she is due for her heat in 3 days and he rushes to his calendar and notices he is due for a rut at the same time. So they decide to do it then and we'll 3 days later and all the boys away, they go crazy and a few months later, hello plus sign!

ℍ𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕞𝕪 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪.

Warning: fluff/smut/blood

Summary: Request!

TW! Mention of Mpreg.

Only Felix and Y/n are omegas

A/N: Please note that this isn't my normal content and there is quite a graphic link in the chapter! This was quite very uncomfortable for me cause i never write smuts BUTT it was such an interesting experience and i would not mind writing smuts again if you guys are interested in it. Im just giving you guys a heads-up cause idk how i feel about like my wording and stuff.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

📍Studio

"Chan you've got to tell her, her heat is in 3 days," Changbin groaned. "Quite frankly i think all of us want to put a baby in her but you're taking too long."

"I know, i know. It's just that. I'm nervous bin," Chan replied. His hands were in his hair as he struggled to focus at the task in hand.

Producing music.

Ever since him and Felix did the show where they had to hang around a toddlers, he couldn't stop thinking about getting his Luna pregnant. He couldn't stop thinking about her walking around all swollen with a bump.

Just the thought about him and his packmate's putting so many babies in her made him go feral and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Well you better figure it out because lix's heat is after that and if you want both omegas carrying pups time isnt on your side," Changbin shrugged. "You know lixie would never allow to get pregnant before Luna-ssi."

Changbin was right. Felix would never allow to disrespect Y/N like that and the alphas would never get any of the omegas pregnant before he did.

"Don't you think i know that Changbin? Im trying okay? just give me time," He huffed before laying his head down on the table.

📍Home

“Jagi, I got all the snacks you asked me to get!” Lee Know called out as he walked through the door, hand in hand with Han.

“Coming!” Y/N responded quickly, her voice bright with excitement as she hurried down the stairs.

Lee Know smiled at the sound of her little footsteps approaching, followed by a delighted squeal.

“Hey babe!” She got on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss, then turned to Jisung, offering him the same affection.

“We tried to get everything, but we just couldn’t find the heating pads you like, so Channie-hyung said he would bring some on the way back from work,” Lee Know explained, handing her the grocery bags so she could check everything.

“Oh my— you guys are the best! I think that’s all I need,” she said, her eyes sparkling as she rummaged through the bags.

“If you need anything else, just tell me, okay?” Lee Know said, removing his jacket and shoes as Han followed suit.

“Your heat is in three days, my love. Please don’t forget like last time, and don’t eat all the snacks!” Han whined, making his way behind her into the kitchen as she began to unpack.

“It was one time!” she fake-pouted. “Plus, I’m going to put these away. Can you help me start on dinner?” She turned to Han, who was already rolling up his sleeves.

“Yeah, sure! What should I start with?” Han replied, eager to assist. He washed his hands quickly, ready to make her life a little easier.

“Maybe start with the meat?” Y/N suggested, looking around the kitchen. “There it is— it’s quite a bit, so I’ll help once I store these away.” She handed him the package resting on the counter and moved to grab her snacks and drinks for the ‘heat’ room.

“Be careful! The knife is sharp!” she warned before turning to leave.

“I will,” Han smirked, watching her walk away. Her body moved with a sway, and he couldn’t help but groan, cursing his alpha for being so utterly in love with her.

As Y/N walked away, she caught a hint of Han’s arousal in his scent and giggled softly. She loved how her alphas were so drawn to her; it made her feel confident and beautiful, just as every omega should.

“I’ve gotten all the scented clothes I could find and some fresh sheets, baby! Where should I put them?” I.N interrupted as she made her way down the corridor towards the basement.

“I’m about to go downstairs. Can you put them down there? I’ll probably start nesting tonight,” she replied, her eyes sparkling with excitement. She felt an overwhelming rush of love for him as he took care of her so well.

“Yeah, sure, anything for you,” he smiled, following her down to her heat room. Her scent grew stronger, wrapping around him like a warm embrace.

“Just place them there,” she said, pointing mindlessly to the bed before starting to stock the fridge with everything they had brought home.

Once I.N placed the clothes down, he made his way over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Her scent had become sweeter since last night, and he craved the closeness.

“You smell so good. Let Alpha take care of you,” he mumbled against her scent gland, his voice low and soothing.

“Baby, I know you want—” Suddenly, a loud yelp followed by a cry pierced the air, making both of them jump.

Y/N sprang into action, wanting to ensure everything was okay. She dashed out of the room and into the kitchen, I.N hot on her heels.

“What? What happened?” she panicked, rushing to Han’s side and examining his pained face.

“I cut my hand!” he whimpered, seeking comfort from her.

“Oh, Hannie, I told you to be careful!” she pouted, gently taking his hand to assess the cut.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s not that bad. Go to the living room. I’ll be there in a second,” she said, slowly shooing him to sit down. He frowned but obeyed her instructions, reluctantly heading to the living room.

“Innie, can you finish this up? I’ll be back in a bit,” she asked, passing him a clean knife.

“Yeah, I got it. Don’t even worry,” he replied instantly, releasing a soft scent of pheromones to calm her, sensing the tension in her scent.

Grateful for his help, Y/N grabbed the first aid kit and made her way to the living room. It was empty, meaning the boys were probably in the gaming room or the home studio, likely oblivious to what had just happened.

Rolling her eyes, she sat on Han’s lap and gently took his injured hand. “How many times do I have to tell you to be careful with the knife, Jisungie—” she began to scold him, her voice laced with concern.

“I’m home!” The pack alpha called out from the door, interrupting their moment.

“In here!” Y/N called out, continuing to scold Han as she tended to his hand.

The house smelled sweet, and Chan recognized Y/N's scent immediately. It enveloped the space, overpowering everything else. A mix of honey and vanilla, it was reminiscent of baked goods, filling him with warmth but also an undeniable hunger.

How was he going to face her? His alpha was already growling and howling, barely making it through the door. He hated her heats; they completely unraveled him. Now, on top of that, he was grappling with his own rut, and her intoxicating scent was only making it worse.

“What’s going on?” he smiled, forcing cheerfulness as he stepped into the living room and took in the sight of his two mates on the couch.

“Han cut his hand,” Y/N sighed, glancing back at the pouting boy.

“I said I’m sorry, noona,” Han whined, his voice a mixture of embarrassment and pain.

“I know, baby, but you can’t keep being clumsy like this. Just the other day, you twisted your ankle playing football with the boys,” she chastised gently.

“And chan you need to talk to him because he’s been getting hurt a lot, He wont listen to me!” she added, furrowing her eyebrows in frustration.

“Baby—” Chan groaned internally. Why was she going into ‘mommy mode’ right now? Of all times, especially in that sundress he loved. He felt utterly screwed.

“Okay, I’ll talk to him,” he sighed, instinctively covering his front with his laptop bag as he felt heat rise within him.

“Good! Now go get the boys for a snack. You guys have had a long day,” she instructed, her voice sweet and satisfied with herself, completely unaware of how turned on Chan was.

“All done, baby. You’ll feel better, I promise,” she said, placing a gentle kiss on Han’s plaster before getting up to clean up the mess. Chan stood there hesitating, his eyes wandering over her body.

This rut was going to kill him, and he felt it tightening around him like a noose.

After dinner, Y/N found herself seated on the floor, carefully trying to help Hyunjin with his brushes when Seungmin called for her running down the steps. She could see the worry etched on his face as he paced in the living room, clearly upset.

“Y/Nnie!” he called out, rushing to her side.

“Yes, my love? What is it?” She looked up at him, curiosity sparkling in her eyes.

“Can you please help me fix it? It ripped,” Seungmin pouted, sinking to his knees between her legs.

“Oh dear,” she frowned, taking in the damage. “I can fix it! Let me grab my sewing box.” With a warm smile, she gently brushed his hair away from his eyes.

“I really need to get you to a haircut,” she sighed, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead before standing up.

“Fine, but not too much!” he huffed playfully.

“Deal. Just a trim, I promise.” She took the sweater from his hands, making sure not to disturb the others gathered in the living room.

As Chan watched Y/N interact with Seungmin, he felt even more confident about putting a baby any her. The way she cared for them—so nurturing and loving—made his heart race. He couldn’t help but imagine her with their future children, how gentle and warm she would be. A blush crept up his cheeks as he entertained some playful thoughts about their future.

“Can I come?” Chan’s voice cut through, curiosity evident in his tone. This might be his chance to steal Y/N away for a moment.

“Yes, of course! It’s going to be boring anyway,” she shrugged, leading the way to her room with Chan close behind. Once there, he settled onto her bed, admiring her as she worked on the sweater.

“Y/N?” he called softly.

“Hm?” She looked up, and he felt a warmth spread through him—she was so soft-spoken and gentle.

“What do you think about having kids?” he asked, not wanting to waste another moment.

She paused, a small smile forming on her lips. “Well, that’s kind of my purpose as an omega, you know? To be bred and nurture pups,” she giggled.

“So you’re open to having a pup right now?” His smile widened, heart racing at the thought.

“Yes, baby, of course I am! I’ve been waiting for a while, actually. You know I’m not getting any younger,” she said, laying the sweater aside to sit on his lap.

“Is this why you boys have been trying to sniff me every time we… well, you know?” she teased, raising an eyebrow.

When omegas get pregnant, their scent changes distinctly, and it was no secret the boys had been checking to see if she was expecting.

“Y-yeah, but we wanted to make sure you were sure since your heat is coming up soon, and I want to be the first—” he stammered, feeling a rush of excitement.

“I’m all yours, baby. You can get me pregnant,” she confirmed, and Chan felt like he was soaring. His hands wrapped around her, pulling her into a deep, lingering kiss.

“I love you,” he whispered against her lips.

“I love you too,” she replied, her eyes sparkling with joy.

Trigger Warning 18+:

The next day was rough on Y/N’s body. Her cramps had begun, and all she could do was stay in the heat room, wanting to avoid triggering any of the boys’ ruts. Chan was already feeling his own rut coming on, and it would be difficult for the pack to function with two of their mates in such a state.

She had successfully built her nest, surrounded by soft blankets and pillows, and now she was nestled in the middle of the bed, wearing only a big shirt that Lee Know had given her. The fabric felt comforting against her skin, a reminder of the love and care from her mates, but it did little to quell the throbbing ache in her abdomen.

Y/N shifted slightly, trying to find a comfortable position, but the discomfort was persistent. She focused on her breathing, willing herself to relax.

In between her legs felt like it was on fire as her insides clenched around nothing. Her womb screaming to be filled by one of her alphas. Her nipples were sore under her shirt.

"Hurts..." she whimpered as she squeezed her legs together looking for some type of friction.

Slick was building up and sweat made her hair stick on her skin as her body burned, "Alpha," she cried knowing the boys could hear her through the bond. "Need you please," she whimpered in pain.

Outside the door, all the boys except Chan were trying to calm themselves down. I.N couldn't stop pacing back and forth, and it was starting to irritate everyone.

"I.N, get your shit together!" Seungmin shouted, smacking him hard across the face.

"If he doesn't go down there to breed her, I will," I.N growled, rubbing his cheek.

"He has this one chance and he's not even here," His alpha was furious with Chan, knowing that Y/N was currently suffering down there crying for one of them.

"You know, Chan said he wanted to be the first," Leeknow got up making sure to stand in front of the other alpha. He wanted to make sure I.N didn't charge towards the basement.

"I'm not letting you try to strip that honour from Chan, he's the pack leader. He gets the omega first." The tension in the room thickened as the two alphas squared off, eyes blazing, each unwilling to back down.

"I'm here," Chan stepped into the room.

"No need for all this min, you know it's just his I.N's alpha talking. Step down," Chan's voice was hoarse and he looked awful.

Leeknow scoffed before grabbing his keys. "I can't stand being in here anymore hyung. We have to leave. Just for our sake," He grabbed his duffle bag off the ground.

"We'll see you guys later, Felix call me if things get bad," Changbin was dead serious knowing how rough Chan could get when he was all alpha mode in his rut.

This was a rule in their pack. They knew how possessive they could each get over the omgas so they all just would leave the house and go down to the cabin until it was all over.

"i will, i love you guys and stay safe," Lix walked them out to the car before waving them off and coming back into the house where he found Chan almost collapsing.

His scent was now even stronger and more musky than before. He knew his alpha's rut had began. It was probably because he was now closer to Y/n. She was just a few doors down.

"Oh no, Hyung!" Felix gasped, "Did she trigger your rut already?," he said concerned. Felix quickly ran to the alpha's side to stabilize him from falling.

"I need to go down there now," Chan couldn't take it anymore, his body sweating as he took each step.

"I-if I hurt her, Lix-"

"You won't, Hyung. She trusts you. You've never hurt me before. You'll be okay," Lix kissed his lips before slowly helping him inside the room. His eyes were fully deep dark red. Fuck, game time.

There she lay. her legs spread apart. Little whimpers escaping her lips. She was shaking probably from the pain.

"i'll come check in on you guys in a bit," Felix whispered before quickly leaving the room.

"Alpha?" she looked up from her position, her eyes were glistening.

"I'm here babygirl," he was soft, trying not to jump at her. "Does it hurt hm?"

"Please, n-need you. Need pups. Need to be full. Please," she fell into his arms as her legs quivered. He let her sit right on his throbbing dick.

"You were supposed to start your heat in two days, you just couldn't wait to get pregnant hm? Needed me to breed you so fast?"

"N-no," she whispered. She looked away shy and embarrassed.

"Oh?" he furrowed his eyebrows, "In that case should I just go call-"

"No! No pack alpha always first. Need you. Wanna be a good luna. Wanna carry Alpha's babies," she cried gripping onto his shoulders.

Her nails dug into his skin as her core touched directly on his. She let out a painful groan and started to grind.

"Baby stop that," he groaned, removing her and laying her on the bed. She lets out a whine and cries in frustration.

"I'm gonna take good care of you, my sweet luna."

"Just put it in, please," she interrupted, her eyes flashed gold then blue. Her omega was fully in control.

His hand pinned her down into the bed, his head slowly nuzzling into her shoulder. Her scent fogging his mind as she let out little whimpers.

Her legs wrapped around his waist and he continued to slowly leave small kisses down the sensitive skin around her gland. She felt like slick was now pooling under her as she squirmed at the sensation.

"Gonna let me mark you up, princess?" he growled into her ear. His teeth slowly sank into her skin on the original mark that she had.

She let out a loud moan as he started to lick the bite. She felt like she was going to go feral.

He ripped her shirt apart and she squealed, his mouth landing on her nipple (A/N: Lord save me, I hate this sm).

"Ch-Channie, sensitive," she whimpered, "sensitive." Her body was on fire. Her legs wrapping tighter around him.

He looked up at her before admiring the marks on her neck. He was proud of his work of art.

In no time his pants were on the floor, her eyes landed on his raging boner. His tip pink and swollen already leaking pre-cum.

His hand then slid in between her folds as he slowly guided his dick into her entrance. She's screaming, she's squirming, and both his hands quickly pinned her waist down.

"Behave," he growled and slammed himself inside of her.

"Oh Channie, so deep. Oh my-" Chan's eyes landed on her bare tummy, his panting on top of her.

"Look at this, baby, I can see my dick in your womb," he smirked as he watched the bulge.

"Mnfhggg" she's in lala land. She can't take it anymore, it's just so deep. She cant talk.

"So full alpha," she wraps her arms around his neck.

"Gonna be walking around with a baby bump hm? Gonna grow my baby in you?" He groaned.

"Yes...Please. Yes! Gonna be a pretty mommy just for you," She was crying. Her tears soked the blanket as every thrust pulled her closer to her orgasm.

"So fertile for me baby, look at you," That was the push chan needed. He felt his dick twitch before he came deep inside her.

TW: Chan breeding Y/N link

When Y/N’s heat finally subsided, she lay in chan's bed now, her body marked with bruises—deep blue and purple prints decorating her skin like a canvas of passion. She was completely out of it, lost in the haze of post-heat exhaustion.

"I think you really did it this time, babe," Felix teased, pulling the damp sheets off the bed with a smirk. They were cleaning up the heat room since Felix's heat was soon coming and slick was really hard to get off sheets.

Chan beamed, a glow of satisfaction radiating from him. "Those were the best four days of my life," he replied, his excitement palpable.

Felix chuckled, tossing the sheets into a pile. "Do you think she’ll be able to go to work on Monday?" he asked, his voice light despite the situation.

"I doubt it, but we’ll see," Chan groaned, stretching his limbs before grabbing his phone from the bedside table. He felt the weight of fatigue settling in, but his heart was still racing from the intensity of the past few days. "I’m gonna check on her and then pass out for a few hours. Thank you for taking care of us these past few days," he said, leaning in to plant a soft kiss on Felix’s lips. Without him, Chan wasn’t sure how he would have managed to care for Y/N.

"Anytime, hyung," Felix replied, his voice warm.

Chan’s eyes twinkled with mischief. "Are you ready for your turn?" he smirked, a teasing glint in his eye. "I promise I’ll be more gentle with you."

Felix's cheeks flushed a deep crimson. "Yes, alpha, I am," he stammered, the thought of being the next omega to be bred both thrilling and embarrassing. "But I think we should get you rested up first."

"Yeah, well, I can’t wait," Chan laughed, the sound echoing with joy as he headed toward the stairs.

As Chan slipped into the room, he couldn't resist the urge to lay down beside Y/N. She was fast asleep, her breathing gentle and even. With a tender smile, he rested his hand on her lower belly, feeling the soft curve beneath his palm.

He marveled at how her abdomen had already begun to swell, a beautiful sign of their growing family. The thought sent a thrill through him, excitement bubbling up inside. Soon, they would be parents, and their pack would expand in ways they had only dreamed of.

Chan closed his eyes for a moment, allowing the reality of it all to wash over him. He imagined their little ones, the laughter and joy they would bring, the chaos and love that would fill their home.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Don't forget to reblog and follow! <3

A/N: Thank you anon!

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[punkiesallie]

Father’s Day Uncle’s Day. | E.M

Characters: Eddie Munson, Wayne Munson.

Words: 945.

A/N: English isn’t my first language and I’m not that good of a writer. Feel free to correct me on my mistakes, but please be kind. Thank you, and enjoy. (Also, requests are open so don’t hesitate asking !)

masterlist ao3

1987. A whole year after Hawkins’ earthquake. A whole year after Vecna’s defeat in the Upside Down. A whole year of recovery for Eddie.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

After spending almost two weeks in the hospital — with visits, of course — he could go back home. This day, Wayne came to pick him up. He helped his nephew with his belongings because he was still a little weak. And since that day, Eddie had the feeling to rediscover what it was like to live. To really live.

When Eddie nearly died in Dustin's arms back in the Upside Down, he finally understood the importance of words, the importance of verbalizing his love to his relatives. But, this unconscious reluctance to express his feelings is not going to solve itself as if by magic.

He still struggles with this, and it bothers him. After all, with a dad that was always rejecting his love when he was younger, how can he express himself correctly ? And even more without being cringed ? It was Al’s fault for that. In fact, Al’s is often at fault when it comes to Eddie’s emotional wounds. He is feeling like he’s a kid again when he thinks of his dad. The hurt is still so vivid, the tears always pricking at the corner of his big doe eyes, discreetly.

That is exactly why he doesn’t talk about Al. And the rare times he evokes him, the hurt is always drown in a sea of sarcasm. But, drowning the hurt is useless: it knows how to swim. And it’s painful. Very painful.

But in his eyes, Wayne kind of erased Al’s behavior and it’s effect on him. Even though Wayne doesn’t know how to correctly verbalize his love for his nephew either. That’s when Eddie decided to make him a gift, Like a father’s day, but for his uncle. He’s still scared to have his gift rejected, like with Al when he was a kid. But this is different. Wayne is way different from his brother. Behind his tough and gruffy outside, he is a softie at heart. Just like Eddie.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

He knew exactly what he could gift to his uncle. Wayne was actively searching for a new truck since a year and a half. And right before the summer of 1987, while taking a drive in Indianapolis, a truck caught his eye. He asked the garage owner if it belonged to someone, and the answer was no. It was sold so the garagist could take the pieces to repair other vehicles. Eddie nearly lost it, the truck was in good state. It just needed some painting and little reparations he could do himself. The problem was the money. "Not enough money, like always." Thought Eddie. But, it would take so much more to get him to give up. He noticed the "Looking for a mechanic for the summer. Urgent." sign outside.

"Are you still searching for a mechanic ?" Asked Eddie.

The middle aged man scratched his chin.

"Yeah, kiddo. Why ?" Asked the garage owner.

"Then I have a suggestion. I work here for the summer, and I get the truck."

The man crossed his arms on his chest.

"Do you even know anything about mechanics ?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

The curly haired boy nodded quickly. "Yeah ! I mean, I didn’t study mechanics in school, but I know things about cars and trucks. Otherwise I wouldn’t try to suggest my services."

The oldest frowned his grey eyebrows, and took a cigarette. He lightened it. Finally, his face softened slightly.

"You have guts, kiddo. I like that." He nodded, taking a hit of his cigarette. "Work here this summer, and the truck is yours. It seems like this old thing caught your eye."

For once in his life, Eddie felt like he could thank his father for something. And at least, his knowledge about cars and trucks are used for the good cause. Everything was according to plan.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

And Eddie kept his promise. He worked at the garage, all summer long. Despite the heat, despite his PTSD from the Upside Down, he did it. He got the truck. Frank, the garage owner agreed to deliver the vehicle in the trailer park for Wayne’s birthday.

Eddie got up early to wait for Wayne to come home from work. After an hour, the soft purring of an engine can be heard. The young man recognized immediately the sound of his uncle’s old car. He got up from the stairs of the porch to meet Wayne halfway. The engine stopped, and Eddie’s uncle walked to his nephew.

"Hey, son. You’re up early." Says the middle aged man. He noticed the truck. "Whose truck this is ?" He asks.

Eddie smiles. "Oh this ? It’s yours."

Wayne’s eyes widened. "Mine ? This ?"

The metalhead nods. "Yeah. Yeah it is. For your birthday."

"How… Eddie, it must have been so expensive…"

"Remember the summer job I had ? At this garage in Indianapolis ?" Wayne nods. "Well, it was to buy this little beauty. I did the painting on it and stuff." He smiles.

"You didn’t had to, Eddie… Oh my…" Wayne is moved. He doesn’t even know what to say.

"I… I wanted you to get a big gift. You deserve it…" Says Eddie. "You’re the closest I have of a father. And uh… Yeah. I really wanted to gift you a truck. Happy birthday, old man." He smiles.

Wayne doesn’t say anything, and hugs his nephew. Eddie hugs him in return.

"Thank you so much. I love you, son."

Eddie feels his eyes welling up with tears of emotion. Screw Al. He has Wayne.

[empressdede]

Remember the time part 2

This is part two of Remember the time. Guys I’m so sorry it took forever to release, It took a while to formulate all of this together but HERE WE ARE! Part two is based off the song The Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez. Please show me some love lol. I do want to say that the OC is a black character but anyone can read. Let me know what you guys think!

Pairing: Kiyah (OC) x Jimmy Uso

Warnings: cursing, smut and a very long read.

Bold italics are thoughts, italics are dialogue during a smut scene. Red bold italics are the song lyrics

Word count: 12,840

Summary: Jimmy and Kiyah finally talk things over.

Tagging the girlies: @whatdoeseverybodywant @harlem11680 @pinkwithhearts @serena004 @raya-hunter01 @nash2023 @bluesole16 @wildwildsoul @southerngirl41 @gomussy @theninthwonder @reci1996 @theesexystallion @jeyusos-girl

You’ve got me scattered in pieces

The two stared at each other in silence, both of them nervous for two different reasons. Jimmy stared at Kiyah in disbelief, she’s been avoiding him since their last argument, and he didn’t think she would be the one to actively look for him.

Kiyah cleared her throat, “I um…” she started but she really didn’t know how to start the conversation. She knew she was probably pushing her luck, but she was getting tired of running from her blessings. “Are you busy? I can come back later If you are.”

Jimmy just stared at her, letting silence fall between them. It was almost as if he was stuck, mouth opening to speak but closing it again when he realized he didn’t really know what to say. The small smile on Kiyah’s face slowly fell as she watched him. Three months. It’s been three months since she broke up with him and standing in front of him now did nothing to stop her heart from beating like crazy.

Kiyah watched as he struggled to get anything out and she cleared her throat again. She knew that it has to be her to take the initiative. "Bianca told me you guys are starting the show, but after can we talk?" She asked in a soft tone, eyes pleading that he wouldn’t shut her out even though that’s what she did to him. To them.

Jimmy just stared at her, eyes scanning her face as he took in her emotions. The vulnerability in her eyes is what had him nodding his head in an agreement. Of course, he still cared for her; it’s only been a couple of months and how could he throw three years away in three months?

"We go on in half an hour, we can meet up somewhere to talk after in like an hour or two." He suggested. Kiyah nodded her head. Half an hour, that gives her enough time to calm down and prepare herself for the conversation she wanted to have with him.

"Okay." She agreed in a whisper. She should’ve left but she couldn’t move away from him. Damn, I really fucking missed him. She thought to herself as she stared at him. Someone cleared their throat from behind him, which caused her to look in that direction.

"I’d hate to be that guy but we gotta get him changed and go over a couple things." Jey stated in a low tone not wanting to ruin the moment between the two but unfortunately, they were on a time limit.

Kiyah nodded her head once again, taking a deep breath in. "Okay. Um… you can tell Tez to come get me when you’re done. Good luck out there."

Jimmy watched as she walked away from the locker room with mixed emotions. He really wasn’t expecting to see her so soon. Jey placed a hand on his shoulder to reel him back in. "C’mon Uce, let’s focus on the show for now and then you can handle yo business."

I know I’m acting a bit crazy, hung out a little bit hazy

Two months ago…. May 8th 2023

Bianca shook her head as she watched her cousin get ready for their family dinner. "Kiyah, just call him back." Bianca states for the third time.

"B… can’t we just drop it?" Kiyah sighed flopping onto her bed to put her heels on. "You think these heels go with my outfit?" She asked trying to avoid the elephant in the room. Bianca had left it alone when Kiyah told her that she left Jimmy, because she thought they would have gotten right back together. But when she noticed the funk her cousin was in, she didn’t know if she could ignore the pressing issue.

"Kiyah…. At your big ass age, it’s not cute to keep running from your problems."

"I’m not running from shit! I told him we were done, ain’t shit else to talk about Bianca." She snapped, turning her head towards her cousin. "He’ll be fine, better off without me dragging him down with my baggage."

"Kiyah." Bianca whispered feeling her heart break. Her cousin loved to push people away to try to protect herself and it only hurts her in the process.

"That’s what he told me B… how many times can people tell you you’re the problem before you actually believe it?" Kiyah rhetorically asked. She felt her eyes water as she relived the moments in her head. "I know I have the habit to run, but I never ran from him… not like this. But then, it’s like…. Trè said it. Reggie said it. Ace damn near engraved it in my head. And it’s always the same fucking word….baggage. Now here’s Jimmy, someone who’s really changed my outlook on love and I think its gonna be different this time around and boom."

"Kiyah you guys were arguing, this isn’t the first time he’s said something he didn’t mean out of anger. Only this time you hear something you don’t like, and you run. If you love him like you say you do, you would call him back." Bianca stressed, walking to the bed to sit next to her cousin. "You’re miserable, I can see it. You’re not eating, and you’re NOT sleeping. You miss him just like he misses you, so ca-"

"I’m scared.” Kiyah whispered, cutting Bianca off. She felt the tears running down her face and knew she was going to break down soon. “I’m scared he’s going to realize that he can find someone better than me and leave. It always happens, and I want this time to be different so bad Bianca, but I’m scared.”

Bianca lets out a sigh, she knew it would take time for Kiyah to stop running. She also knew that pressing the issue tonight wasn’t going to get nowhere so instead of replying to her cousin, she just pulls her into a comforting embrace. They’ll figure it out some other time.

_______________________________

Jimmy didn’t take their separation well either, he just hid it better because he still had to go out and perform at a hundred percent every Friday night.

It was only his brothers and Roman who knew how hard the breakup was affecting him. He wouldn’t go out to eat with them, instead he would eat alone in the hotel rooms. He’s usually very goofy when he’s in the arena but he lately he’s kept himself in the locker room, doesn’t want to be bothered.

“When they let us go home this Wednesday, why don’t you pull up on her Uce?” Jey suggested.

Jimmy just shrugged his shoulders, “I already did a couple weeks ago, she was there but she didn’t open the door. She doesn’t wanna see me Uce, I don’t wanna bother her anymore.”

“So, you just gone give up?” Jey asked, and the room became silent. Of course, Jimmy didn’t want to give up on her; but what was he supposed to do when she made it clear she didn’t want to be bothered.

“Maybe she’s just doing what she does best. If that’s the case, I say you show up one more time and if she’s still avoiding you, leave it alone.” Solo advised.

Jimmy let out a sigh as he thought it over. He didn’t want to violate her space, but he also doesn’t want her to think he doesn’t care about her anymore or is fine with her leaving his life. It’s only been a month and it still feel like a lifetime. And it wasn’t the first time they’ve went a month without seeing each other, but it was the first time they didn’t communicate with each other during that time period - it’s starting to take a toll on him.

“Alright Uce.” He decided, turning to face his brothers. “On Wednesday, Imma slide to New York and see if she wanna talk.”

The future that we hold is so unclear

Wednesday… May 10th 2023

Jimmy thought a lot about how he should approach Kiyah and what he should say to her. He thought about what would be said if she opened the door, he hoped she would anyways. He didn’t want her to think that he stopped caring, he just wanted to respect her boundaries.

Jey offered to go with him just in case things went south, and at first Jimmy had declined insisting that Jey had his own issues to worry about, but Jey wouldn’t have it. If things went well, then Jey had a hotel room all to himself and didn’t have to worry about, and if things went bad then he would be here for his twin.

Jimmy – albeit his protests – was actually glad his brother came; his nerves were through the roof, and he needed someone to distract him the entire way to New York.

"Imma order room service and charge it to yo card Uce." Jey stated over the phone.

Jimmy smacked his teeth, rolling his eyes before fixating them on the road as he drove. "See… this is why I wanted you to take yo ass to Georgia. You keep playing and shit.”

“Who’s playing? Man, Uce I’m gonna get some Steak, some loaded potatoes, probably some sprite and tell em add they most expensive champagne on the cart just because. I know your pockets can handle it big money.” Jey playfully replied, he let his laughs die down before getting serious with his twin. “Aye listen, no matter what happens tonight you know I always got your back.”

“I know Uce, I appreciate it. You still didn’t need to come all the way out here, but I appreciate you being here.” Jimmy replied. He meant it. It meant a lot that his twin was here, giving him the support that he didn’t really know he needed. “I’m almost to her crib man, I’ll call you if I need to.”

They said their goodbyes before hanging up with each other and now Jimmy was stuck in his head again. He was nervous but he wanted to see her, needed to see her. He was really hoping she felt the same.

I just hope she opens the door. Jimmy thought to himself as he pulled up to the complex where her condo was located. If she lets him in, hopefully they could talk about everything and put it behind them. And even if she didn’t wanna talk, he just wanted to hold her.

Jimmy was stuck in his head once again he didn’t realize how fast he got here. It’s almost as if his body was moving off muscle memory and he found himself standing in front Kiyah’s door.

He could hear his heartbeat thumping quick in chest and took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves before he raised his hand to knock on her door.

Meanwhile…..

“Bianca I’m not even sure this is worth it. I mean what if this blows up in my face?” Kiyah asked for the umpteenth time, her eyes glued to her phone as she sat in her car, the two cousins on FaceTime to kill Kiyah’s nerves.

Bianca rolls her eyes. “Girl go be a woman and get yo man back. We all know how much you love him, and he loves you right back okay? Stop trying to block your blessings and just go. You already know he’s home, where else would he go this Wednesday?”

Kiyah bit her lip as her eyes slit up to look at the house in front of her. Jimmy’s house. She had bought the ticket to Florida in the heat of the moment. She just wanted to see him, even if it just for a second. “I’m scared.” She whispered.

“And it’s okay to be.” Bianca assured, her tone softening as she watched her cousin through the screen. “But this can be a good thing, you’re scared because you love him and sometimes love can be a scary thing; but doesn’t his love give you a good feeling? I’ve seen you in love before Kiyah, there’s a big difference between Ace and Jimmy. Jimmy turned you so fuckin soft it was sick.” She stated teasingly to try to ease the mood.

Kiyah’s lips softly quirked up. “I’m so in love with him, it’s kinda sick.” Kiyah repeated what she told Bianca when she had seen Jimmy at her place the first time.

“Exactly! See, now go knock on his door and go tell that man you love him.” Bianca advised with a smile. “If anything happens, just call me and we’ll figure everything out, okay?”

Kiyah nodded her head. They said their goodbyes and hung up and now Kiyah was left all alone with her thoughts. He wouldn’t close the door in my face, right? She thought to herself.

“C’mon Kiyah, Now or never.” She muttered to herself as encouragement to get out of the car. As she walked up to his door, her heart started to beat out of her chest. She remembers the last time she was here, she had surprised Jimmy by showing up here and making him a meal. Now, she walked up his driveway with cautious steps because she didn’t have the same confidence as last time.

As she stood in front of his door, she took a deep breath in. Please open the door. She thought to herself in a plea as she lifted her hand to knock on the door and wait for a response.

This is a modern fairytale

Six months ago…. January 10th 2023

“You sure you’re okay?” Kiyah asked staring at him through the screen with concerned eyes.

Jimmy let out a small chuckle, nodding his head. “I’m alright baby, it’s nothing I can’t handle honestly.”

“Liar.” She claimed, squinting her eyes at him. “I’ve been watching you; you’re trying so hard to fight that limp in your leg, but I see it.”

“I’m okay baby. I promise.” He tries to assure, flashing her a smile. He appreciates her concerns, but he didn’t want her to worry too much about him; especially about something out of her control. "Where the hell are you going anyways, it’s almost midnight" He questions when he seen her get into her car.

"Gotta run to the drug store and get me some melatonin. I ran out and I couldn’t sleep at all last night." She answers, letting out a tired sigh. "I already know if I don’t take something, I won’t be able to sleep tonight either." She explains.

Jimmy watches her, see’s her red eyes and knows it’s cause she’s tired. "I wish I could have made the trip to New York but I -"

"Baby, you don’t have to explain. I already know. It’s okay." Kiyah reassures with a smile. "Plus, I know you’re probably home sick by now. Go home, relax and unwind."

"What if I sent you a ticket to come see me instead?" Jimmy suggested, raising his eyebrow as if it was something to take into consideration. Kiyah let a laugh slip through her lips.

“C’mon baby, you can’t be serious. You really don’t think you could wait a couple more weeks to see me?”

“I just wanna be with my lady, you know what I’m saying? Give her some act right and then cuddle her so she can fall asleep.”

Kiyah playfully rolled her eyes, “I know this boy ain’t just say give her some act right and then cuddle her to sleep… Babe be serious.” She chuckles.

“I am serious! This your fourth night telling me you can’t sleep. That shit bothers me for real Kiyah. Last time you went a week without sleeping, you passed out on me and didn’t wake up till three days later…at the hospital. And this happened twice, I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” Jimmy expressed, his tone shifting from playful to serious. To see her be so tired and struggle to actually sleep kills him, he’s seen it happen before and he knows how much she doesn’t like relying on medication to help her sleep so for her to be out of melatonin was alarming to him.

Kiyah gave him a soft smile. How could I get so lucky? She asked herself. She thought about where she was a couple years ago, with her last relationship. Ace never took her sleeping issue seriously, and she didn’t expect him to. But she at least thought that if she were to pass out from exhaustion that he would take care of her. But she remembers passing out at home and waking up in the same place… at home. Ace didn’t hear from her for almost an entire week, and he thought nothing about it. Jimmy though? He wanted to be her last good night, even when they were just friends. He always wanted to check up on her and make sure she was okay in almost every aspect, and sometimes she doesn’t know what she did to deserve him.

“I’m okay babe, I promise.” Kiyah assured him this time. “I know tonight, I’m gonna sleep like a baby. Now I know you got a flight to catch, so go ahead and get ready to take off Mr. Private Jet.”

“This private jet can take a detour to New York; you know all you gotta do is say the word.”

“No. You need to be home, Roman needs you. This is the perfect time to go back home and help him with whatever y’all got going on. I know you want to help me, but family comes first."

Jimmy looked at her through the screen, taking in everything. Her braids in a bun on the top of her head, and what he just knew was his hoodie. “You’re my family too Ma.” He stated sincerely.

Even if she wanted to, Kiyah couldn’t fight the wide smile that etched its way on her face. “You’re my family.” She repeats before looking up to catch the time. 12:00 am on the dot. “Go catch your flight and text me when you get home okay? You need to go rest that leg or something because you can’t keep fighting that limp and no, I don’t want to hear it. Have a safe trip and I love you.”

Jimmy nodded his head, even though he had no intentions of doing anything because this wasn’t anything he couldn’t walk off. "I will and I love you too mama. Call me when you wake up."

Kiyah nodded her head in agreement before hanging up the phone and letting her eyes close as she laid her head against the steering wheel. Her nerves were through the roof. She wanted to close her eyes for just a second, but she knew her nerves would not let relax at all.

After just a few seconds of silence she got an incoming call from Jey.

"You there yet?”

“Well damn Jey. Hey, how you been? I’m great thanks for asking.” Kiyah sarcastically replied, laughing at him.

“My bad sis. We getting ready for takeoff in about like 5 minutes so I can’t talk long.”

“Oh, well I’m here. I’ve only been here a good 15 minutes though.”

“Alright so the code to the gate is 7802 and if you look closely, I told my cousin to put my spare key under the mulch closest to the second tree by the house. It might take a while to find, it might not, I don’t know how deep he put it. But as soon as you’re able to get it, you’re in. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you, Jey. For letting me do this. I just want you to know I really appreciate it.” She wanted her appreciation to be known. It meant a lot to her that Jey would go through all this just for her.

“You make my brother happy lil sis, and he makes you happy, if I could do this just to kill two birds with one stone; it ain’t nothing. But I really gotta go, good luck setting up.”

“Thank you.” She thanks before hanging up. She took a deep breath and looked up at the threshold before her. Jimmy’s house. She’s only been here a couple times during her time in Florida and every time she was here, the place was filled with friends and family. This time she was alone, hoping to welcome him home to a nice surprise.

When she brought up the idea of surprising Jimmy in his house instead of him coming to New York like he always does – to Jey, she didn’t think he would be so quick to help her; offering her his copy of the key to his brother’s home so that she could fulfill her wishes.

Pulling forward to the gate, Kiyah placed the code in and watched it open for her. Once she pulled in, her eyes glances over the front of the house. She definitely preferred the quietness over the loud music she was used to when she was here.

It didn’t take her that long to find the hidden key, and once she was able to get inside of his house, Kiyah let out another tired sigh. She wasn’t kidding when she told Jimmy she was tired. She grabbed her bag that she packed that was next to her feet and walked in, locking the door behind her.

Kiyah let her eyes wonder around the house. She knows she’s been here before, but this feels different, almost as if she was walking into their shared space. She wondered if he felt the same way at her place. She went to find his room; she’ll just take a quick nap before he gets here.

_______________________________

January 11th 2023 …… 4:15 AM

To: Princess���� I made it home, text me when you wake up and I’ll do the same. I hope you’re sleeping.

Jimmy sent that text to Kiyah, shoving his phone in his pants and walking into his house, letting his head fall back with a tired sigh. He was finally home.

Later in the day when I really wake up, Imma go visit Roman and help him out with whatever he needs me to help him out with. Jimmy thought to himself as he walked towards his bedroom. He trudged slowly on tired legs, ready to lay down in his bed and relax.

Kiyah felt her heart start to race as she heard him walk closer to his bedroom. She didn’t know where to stand, quietly pacing in his room before deciding to just stand right next to his bed and wait for him.

When Jimmy walked into his room, he immediately locked eyes with the person standing near his bed. Jimmy froze when he seen her, shocked to see her in his house.

“Surprise.” Kiyah softly called out; a nervous smile displayed on her face. But it morphed into a wider smile when Jimmy threw his head in laughter.

“No you fuckin’ didn’t.” He laughed out before walking towards her to wrap his arms around her. He tightly gripped her and lifted her up to spin her around.

Kiyah immediately wrapped both her arms and legs around Jimmy and let out a soft giggle. “Jimmy put me down!” She exclaimed, tightening her grip out of fear of being dropped.

Jimmy placed her back on her feet and closed the gap in between them, pressing their lips together. Warmth blossomed in Kiyah’s chest as their lips moved in a slow kiss. A small moan slipped through Kiyah’s mouth when Jimmy slid his tongue in her mouth.

She found herself leaning into the kiss, Jimmy’s lips almost impossibly soft against her own. He let both hands lower to grab her ass, trying to pull back from the kiss but when they did separate Kiyah chased his lips, pulling him back down to kiss him again.

Jimmy let’s out a soft chuckle, pulling from the kiss and looked down to admire Kiyah. But it seemed as if Kiyah had the same plan, keeping her head lifted up to stare into Jimmy’s own with starry eyes. As if he hung the stars in the sky himself.

He pecked her lips multiple times, feeling her smile and a wide smile made its-way to his face.

“You went through all that trouble just to surprise me Baby?” He asked her, voice lowered to a rasp.

“It’s not trouble. I wanted to come see you, you always come see me and I know you miss being home. I wanted to do this for you.” Kiyah confessed, keeping her voice soft as she her thumb caress the back of his neck.

“You are amazing, you know that?” He asked, his foreheads leaning against her own.

Kiyah bit her lip, “You’re even more amazing. C’mon lay in bed I know you’re tired right now.”

Jimmy lifted one hand from her ass, to smack it, pressing one last kiss to her lips before pulling away from her, he couldn’t help but let his eyes roam her body. The white color of her outfit made her brown skin stand out.

“Nah, remember what I said? I just wanna give you some act right and cuddle you to sleep.”

Kiyah chuckled, pushing him on the bed and he let himself move freely. She moved to crawl on top of him, legs on each side of his waist straddling him.

“What if I just wanted to take care of you? You’ve been moving around doing both shows, lemme take care of you.” Kiyah cooed softly, leaning forward to press her lips against his.

They both indulged in a slow sloppy kiss, Kiyah wrapping her arms around his neck once again and Jimmy wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug, pulling Kiyah as close to him as possible.

Kiyah ground her hips against him, moaning softly in the kiss when she felt him hardening against her. She could feel the wet spot in her panties grow as she continued to grind herself into him. She clasped her teeth with his bottom lip and pulled on it slowly when she pulled away from the kiss.

“Lay back daddy.” Kiyah whispered seductively in his ear, sliding off his lap.

Jimmy felt himself shudder at her tone, his eyes lowering as she moved to her knees in front of him. Her hands tugged on the waistband of his sweats, and he lifted his hips to help her pull them off along with his boxers.

Once she discarded his pants off, Kiyah gripped his length and began to stroke it with both hands. She gathered all the saliva that she had and spat it over her hands to slick them up as she continued to stoke him, she leaned forward to circle her tongue around his tip twice before engulfing his tip in her mouth.

She suckled on the tip, moaning softly against him. Jimmy’s hand gripped onto the messy bun she had on the top of her head and bucked his hips. “Damn, it’s been forever and you gonna tease me?” He rasped out.

She continued her works, her tongue circling the tip once more before she released both hands. Soon as her hands were free, Jimmy lifted his hips to push his full length inside of her mouth. Kiyah felt the tip of his dick hit the back of her throat, the intrusion almost making her gag but she withheld it sliding her tongue alongside of him.

The move made a low rumble escape from him. Kiyah let her hands push at his waist to keep him in place on the bed and started bobbing her head up and down. One of her hands came to hold the base of his dick to stroke it as she started to pick up her pace.

“Shit.” Jimmy breathed out, letting his head fall back in pleasure. The feeling of her warm and wet mouth on him was one of his favorite feelings.

The slurping noises were starting to fill the room.

Kiyah wasn’t letting up, she quickly picked up her pace and let herself produce as much saliva as she can to get him all nice and wet. Jimmy averted his eyes back down to her to watch her expertly move her mouth.

Once Kiyah seen him place on arm behind him to sag into the bed, kiyah moved her hands, one fondling his balls while the other stroked his base as her mouth paid full attention to his tip.

“Fuck Kiyah.” Jimmy groaned out as his hips jerked. Kiyah let out another moan, positioning her tongue flat against his tip and lapped at the precum that had been leaking out. Kiyah let her eyes slit up to catch his gaze one her while she lapped at his tip and pressed a small kiss to it before swallowing him back in her mouth.

His dick was throbbing in her mouth but it didn’t stop her, her hand tightened just a little as she moved her head a little faster, letting out a drawn-out moan to stimulate him a little more.

The moan that Jimmy let out was followed by a hiss when Kiyah fully took him down her throat. It was becoming too much and when Kiyah pulled back for air, Jimmy was quick to stand on his feet.

Both his hands sliding to grip onto the braids that she had at the bottom of her head and fed her back his dick.

“There we go mama, just like that.” He rasped out and began to fuck into her mouth. The more she choked and struggled to keep him all in her mouth with the speed he was going, the more it egged him on.

“Look at you taking this big dick down your throat.” Jimmy praised, Kiyah lifted her eyes to stare at him and he watched as tears came running down her face. Slobbering almost at the mouth, spit falling from her mouth and still she let him continue to abuse her throat. “That’s it princess.” He groaned out.

Kiyah felt him throb in her mouth, almost a warning and she pushed herself closer to him, taking him deeper in her mouth until his head was touching the back of her throat once again.

Jimmy let his head fall back and scrunched his eyes shut. “Fuck baby, I’m about to bust in your mouth.” He warned but Kiyah never moved. She whimpered and nodded her head in response and gripped onto his thigh as if to keep herself in place.

Kiyah forced her throat to relax just as his cum erupted and slid down her throat. Jimmy moaned loudly above her. “Fuuuccckkkk.”

Kiyah kept her head in place until he stopped cumming. Jimmy was quick to slip out of her mouth and he fell right back on the bed.

“C’mere.” Jimmy called for her but his voice was hoarse. Kiyah let herself raise from her knees to straddle his lap again.

Jimmy held at her waist, moving in to place his lips on hers, sliding his tongue in her mouth. Their tongues entangled with each other’s as they kissed messy and unhurried.

Jimmy’s hands slid up to wrap his arms around her body. The tension in the air not as charged as it was before. The slow kiss shared between them was a passionate one, changing the mood to a more sensual one.

Jimmy pulled away from the kiss to pull her shirt off and Kiyah took the chance to do the same, sliding off his lap to discard the rest of her clothes before she climbed back on his lap.

Their mouths were pressed against each other’s once again. Their bodies pressed together, kiyah parts her lips allowing Jimmy’s tongue to slip inside. Kiyah found herself leaning into the kiss, trying to eliminate any kind of space between the two.

Jimmy flips their position, so that Kiyah was laid underneath him. They broke away from the kiss with soft laughter. They moved further into the bed, once settled, Jimmy started to place butterfly kisses along her neck. Kiyah tilted her head to give him easier access to her neck, her back arching when he found her sweet spot and started to suck and bite.

The moans left her mouth freely as he continued his actions, more than likely creating a hickey.

“Jimmy.” She breathed out, when she felt him push himself inside of her. She threw her head back in pleasure when he was fully inside of her.

“Shit.” He groaned out, she was squeezing the life out of him. “You gotta open up for me Princess.” He whispered huskily in her ear.

Kiyah unclenched and he slid all the way out just to slowly push back into her, creating an antagonizing slow pace of him thrusting inside of her.

The feeling between the two being shown in the movements the two were giving each other couldn’t be identified as anything else but love. It was almost like a whiplash how fast the energy changed between the two. What had started out as something quick to pleasure her man, had changed to expressing with their bodies just how much they really missed each other these past few weeks.

Nuzzling into her neck as the pace amongst them started picking up, just a bit. Kiyah’s arms stayed around his torso, nails making dents into his back as the feeling intensified.

“Fuck baby, just like that.” She softly moaned out. He was moving at exactly the right pace and angle.

Jimmy lifted his head and pressed his forehead against hers as he continued to thrust inside of her. Her love face is what made him peck her lips a couple times.

“Tell me you love me.” He rasped out.

Kiyah whimpered quietly and clenched herself around him. She was letting the pleasure take over her body, she couldn’t find it in herself to reply.

“Tell me.” He softly demanded.

“I love you. I love you so much baby.” Kiyah moaned out as a reply.

Her moans were starting to become constant as she felt herself getting closer. His dick kept poking at her g spot.

“There we go.” He softly cooed at her, picking up his pace to help her reach her climax. “That’s it baby, let me take care of you.”

“Jimmy.” Kiyah breathed out before her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she felt herself cum.

“There we go Princess.” He praised as he continued thrust in her, he let out a groan in her ear as he felt his own orgasm approaching.

“I love you.” Kiyah repeated in a breathy moan, that was what it took to send him the over the edge. Jimmy buried his face back in her neck as he came inside of her.

“I love you too Princess.” He muttered into her neck, pressing soft kisses into her skin.

They stayed in each other's arms; the sounds of their kissing were the only thing that could be heard in the room before Kiyah pulled back to catch her breath. And that’s how they stayed until they succumbed to sleep in the comfort of their love.

_______________________________

Jimmy wakes up and stretched his arm out to feel for Kiyah. When he felt nothing but the bed, he turned to face the other side of the bed to find it empty.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, he could’ve sworn he went to sleep with Kiyah, could’ve sworn that she was here with him. He sat up and listened to see if he could hear her in the kitchen, but it was nothing. Dead silence.

Jimmy flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. If last night really didn’t happen then he was really missing Kiyah more than he thought. He didn’t want to admit it, but the distance was starting to annoy him, especially when it caused him and Kiyah to play phone tag all the time and in those moments all he wanted was to just talk to her.

In these last couple of months, the two really just wanted to spend time with each other as a couple. Since Jimmy had admitted his feelings to Kiyah just a couple months ago, he’s been trying his hardest to step up as a boyfriend and in his mind, he felt like the distance was affecting that.

Jimmy turned to look at his bedside table and grabbed his phone to see the time. 12:45 pm. He wondered if she was up.

Before Jimmy could even get to call Kiyah, he hears the front door open and shut.

“There’s not enough money in the world that could ever make me like ‘Titanic’. I’m sorry girl.” He heard Kiyah say as she walked into the house.

I fuckin’ knew I wasn’t trippin’ Jimmy thought to himself. He pushed himself to sit up once again. The sound of Kiyah’s voice out in his kitchen – because he knew that’s where she would be – made him chuckle. This was new, her being in his space instead of the other way around, it was a new feeling, but it was a good feeling.

After he slipped back on his sweats, he walked out of the room to look for the person who’s been on his mind since he woke up.

“I’m not saying all that, I’m just saying I don’t get to crying my eyes out like everybody else when I watch the movie. Then on top of that, you mean to tell me she went through all that to find a good man just to watch him die? Girl please. We either was going to be playing tag with that big ass door she was laying on or we would’ve crossed to the other side together.” Kiyah stated to her friend, Alexis, on the phone as she prepared to fix her and Jimmy a plate of some breakfast.

“That’s not the point Kiyah. Their love was a love Rose wanted to remember. Plus she promised him she wouldn’t remember?” Alexis asked, voice being heard over the speaker and Kiyah shrugged even though her friend couldn’t see her.

“I mean I guess, I’m still not a fan of the movie so ain’t no point.” Kiyah expressed, shrugging her shoulders.

Jimmy leaned against the kitchen wall as he watched her. She was taking out two take out boxes from Waffle House and trying to fix the food onto a plate.

“You just saying that because you haven’t found a love worth wanting to remember. I know Ace really did a number on you hun but not all love is like that.”

“You ever had a person come into your life and just give you the most healing love you could ever imagine receiving? A love so healing that the way you used to love isn’t how you love anymore?” Kiyah asked, tone softening as she asked the question.

Her mind immediately went to Jimmy. The minute Jimmy entered her life, she’s felt like an entirely different person. She laughed way more than she used to, and he broke a lot of her walls that she had up. Even as just friends, his love was healing, his aura was healing, and it changed her in ways she thinks to be good.

“No, but that’s the love that Rose and Jack had basically.”

“A love like that is worth remembering but its worth dying for too ya know? I couldn’t imagine pouring my heart out like she did to Jack and bear to be okay without him in a situation like that. I would’ve went with him.”

Jimmy walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. Kiyah jumped at the feeling of someone touching her but relaxed once she smelled his scent.

She laid her head back against his chest and placed her hands on top of his, his warmth transferring to her in their embrace.

“Mhhmmm, speaking of, when you gone tell what’s his name you like him? You can’t just shove him under ‘best friend’ knowing you like him so much.” Alexis questioned and Kiyah just laughed.

“Girl, best friend or not he knows he my man.” Kiyah stated playfully, laughing when Jimmy tightened his grip around her, pressing kisses against the side of her face. “Anyways, thank you so much for checking up on me. I’m okay, I’m gonna be outta town for a while so I’ll call you when I get back.”

Jimmy let her wrap up the phone call, but as soon as she hung up, he turned her around and pressed his lips against hers.

“You weren’t here when I woke up, so I thought I imagined you being here.” Jimmy muttered against her lips.

Kiyah chuckled pulling away from the kiss. “When I woke up, I watched you sleep for like 15 minutes because I didn’t want to get out of bed.” She admits, wrapping her arms around his neck. “But you know I like taking care of you, wanted you to wake up to a home cooked breakfast but you didn’t have anything, so I went to get your favorite breakfast food.”

Jimmy pecked her lips one more time. “Thank you, Mama. I really appreciate it.”

Kiyah smiles at him, before turning back around to grab his plate and give it to him. “Okay. Here’s yours, I got us some apple juice to drink – go set the table so we can eat.”

Every time Jimmy seen her like this it made his heart swell in his chest. Jimmy wasn’t used to being taken care of, it was usually him playing that role and with every woman he’s entertained he’s never met a woman who made sure that he was okay or taken care of; it was always the other way around. But with Kiyah, she made sure she took care of him no matter what.

If he needed a shoulder to cry on, she was that shoulder. She never let him get pulled into the toxic masculinity bullshit, a man can express himself without being judged for it, a man is allowed to be weak too. And in those moments where Jimmy felt weak, Kiyah was his strength. She would help pull himself up and She never judged him for it. If he was having a rough week, she would take him to the spa to help him relax. Ever since they’ve been dating though, if he’s having a rough week, she’ll run him a bath. Make him a bubble bath and sit in there with him and hold him until he got everything off his chest. She also would give him a message after his bath, and they would cuddle, and they would go to sleep. Kiyah always went out her way to take care of him. Feeding him, taking care of his skin and hair, it made him appreciate her so much.

Kiyah could say the same though, Kiyah is not used to be taken care of. Jimmy did everything he could to take care of Kiyah when he could. On days where she doesn’t feel like cooking, he’ll either order her something to eat from where he’s at or he’ll pull up on her with food. Nights when she couldn’t fall asleep, he’ll sometimes fall asleep on the phone with her or when he’s off he’ll initiate a sleepover so that they could sleep together. He cared for her health, something no man has ever done before. Comforted her when she would breakdown and would help her pick herself back up. Jimmy took care of her in ways she’s never been taken care of before. It was almost impossible to not fall for him.

Both of them taking care of each other is one of the reasons they fell for each other. It made them appreciate each other more than the other could possibly think.

After eating, they both got ready for the day. Roman needed Jimmy for something at his house (his original reason for coming home in the first place) and when Jimmy came back home, he found Kiyah watching The Good Doctor in the living room.

“You cooked dinner, I thought we agreed to get takeout?” Jimmy asked as he walked towards the living room, the smell of food trickling through the air.

“I know, but when you’re with me, I always cook for you.” Kiyah replied, turning to face him.

He leaned down to peck her lips. “Hey baby.” He finally greeted with a tired smile.

Kiyah smiled back in return, pulling him to sit next to her on the couch. He’s been gone almost the whole day; she was definitely going to take advantage of the time she had with him now.

“How was it at Roman’s? Everything okay?” She asked sincerely.

Jimmy nodded his head at her, letting out a sigh. He let his head fall back again the couch to soak in the moment, he didn’t mind going out of his way to help Roman get set up at the new place he just bought. He was surprising his girlfriend with another home, and he needed someone to help him set it up.

“He’s surprising his girlfriend with a new crib, and he needed help setting up. I think he wants to propose.” Jimmy elaborates and Kiyah smiles.

“That’s good. It's crazy to think out of the three of y’all, he’ll be the one to get married first.”

Jimmy chuckled, opening his eyes and turning to face her. “Right? But he’s been in love with her for forever. Ya’ know they say when you know you know. Plus, Sophia really held it down for him when he needed it the most. I’m surprised he took this long.”

“Sometimes you want to go through hell and back with someone to be certain that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Cause when things are good, they’re good. But when things are bad, they’re bad ya know? The bad gotta be worth it.”

Jimmy let out a hum of agreement, it was something to think about for sure. Having someone to share everything with.

Kiyah watched him, a small smile engraved on her face. How could I get so lucky? She thought to herself. Her eyes catching all the small details in his face as she stared.

“What you staring at me for?”

“You so damn handsome.” She flirted, and it caused him to laugh.

“You see it, you see it!” He gassed himself up, sitting up to fake a pose. Kiyah playfully rolled her eyes at him.

“Boy, you so stupid.” She insulted, moving her body closer to his to lay her head on his chest. Jimmy moved his arm so that he can pull her in closer to him. “Let’s go somewhere tomorrow. We should make it habit of me coming here instead of you coming to New York. It’s way calmer here.”

“I don’t really care where we go. I just make the trip to your place because I like to pull up on you.”

“No, you just like coming to my house and raiding my pantry because I got better options than you do.”

Jimmy let out a chuckle, shaking his head at her. “I like coming to your house because I like being in your space.” He admits to her.

Kiyah softly smiles, tilting her head up to look at him. “I like being in yours too. I remember the first time you invited me over here; you checked me out of the hotel and brought me here to take care of me while I had covid. It was the first time anyone took me home to heal me back to health. I fell in love with Florida cause of you, ya know?”

“You cried your heart out when it was time for you go back to New York.”

“We had gotten so close I didn’t want you to forget about me. Then when you got back on the road, you made it a thing to come see me.”

“That’s why I still do. I know you real tender ‘bout certain things in your life so I try to show up for you in any way I can.”

Kiyah leans up to press her lips against his for a peck. “I love you.” She murmurs against his lips before pulling herself away from him. “Stay here and relax, okay? I know you had a long day so don’t worry about anything. I’m gonna fix you a plate and after we eat, it’ll be just me and you.”

And that’s how they spent the rest of their day together. After eating what she had made, Jimmy found himself on the floor with his head in between her legs as she braided his hair. She claimed it was just so she can have something to do while they watched the movie playing on the TV, but they both knew it was what Kiyah did when she felt he needed to destress. It was her way of taking care of her man and who was Jimmy to deny her that?

After she finished with his braids, they both decided to call it a night. In the bed, Kiyah laid her head on his chest with her leg thrown over his waist and Jimmy hands were stroking her back as they fell into comfortable silence to go to sleep. Kiyah had finally felt tired for the first time in a couple of weeks without the help of medication and she knew it was because of him. Jimmy heard her breathing slow down, felt how she was at ease to fall asleep with him being with her and the thought stayed in his mind for all of 4 seconds before he was speaking quietly into the air between them.

“Come with me on the road.” He suggested, and Kiyah, although almost finding her way to succumb into a peaceful sleep, had heard him. Silence had filled the air as she thought about it, and it was so quiet that Jimmy was convinced that she was sleep.

“For how long?”

“At least two weeks. That way I can make sure your falling asleep at night.”

It was his way of trying to take care of her and a lazy smile spread across Kiyah’s face because who was she to deny him that?

"Yeah. I’ll come with you."

Hand over heart I’m praying that I’m gonna make it out alive

Wednesday May 10th 2023

Jey didn’t really expect to see his brother come back to the hotel because he knew that no matter how hardheaded Kiyah was, he knew how much she really loved his brother. He thinks he was the first one to notice the dynamic change between the two of them.

In the beginning, Kiyah only came around them when Tez was around them because her cousin would be attached to the hip of her husband. When Kiyah and Jimmy started eating backstage together chatting it up about how much they like the fast and the furious movie franchise, when they made plans to binge watch the movie on Jimmy’s day off, it was then that Jey noticed the change.

To everyone else it came off as friendly, playful flirting even if you squinted, but Jey knew his twin brother. Jimmy was attracted to Kiyah in a way he’s seen his brother act before. But the two never crossed that line that superseded their friendship.

Until they did back in October. Jey thinks he was the first one to pick up when they did cross those lines, especially when Kiyah had visited to attend the halloween party the company was throwing. They were attached to the hip, and Jimmy couldn’t keep his hands to himself even if he wanted to. And again, maybe to everyone else it was just them being the best friends they claimed to be, but Jey knew his twin brother.

So, when he watched his twin brother walk into their rented out suit for the night with feigned nonchalant energy, Jey knew he was hurt.

“She’s not home or something, I don’t know, I don’t really care. I’m ready to call it a night, it’s been a long ass day.”

Jey watched his brother walk towards the sofa bed and plopped on it, it was then he noticed the bag in his hand. He had gone to get liquor.

“You were drinking?” Jey asked cautiously, he didn’t want to start an argument with his brother, and he knew if he didn’t tread lightly with the topic of conversation, an argument would be spurred.

“No. I bought it on my way back.” Jimmy replies, his tone monotone.

Jimmy was hurting, that much anyone can see but Jey didn’t really know what to do. He could’ve sworn Kiyah would’ve let him in so they could talk. She’s usually not that stubborn, especially not with his brother.

“Jimmy-“ Jey started but was cut off by his brother.

“I stood outside of her door for an hour, like a fucking idiot waiting for her to answer the door. I waited because I thought at first, she was gonna stand on what she said last time we talked before she folded. But she kept me outside like a dummy for an hour so now, I just wanna forget about this night, we can catch the first flight out this city because I won’t be here for no fuckin reason.” Jimmy vented, before he pulled the bottle of Hennessy out of the bag and opened it and took a large swig straight from the bottle.

Jey didn’t know what to say, so he just slid off the bed to sit next to his brother to share the bottle. It wouldn’t do anything; it wouldn’t change how his twin felt. If Jimmy was hurt, so was Jey. So, they shared the bottle to drown out the sorrows that lived in Jimmy’s chest. It wasn’t healthy but Jey knew Jimmy - he wasn’t going to do nothing else but get drunk to forget this night ever happened.

Meanwhile…….

Kiyah sat in her car with a blank expression on her face. Jimmy wasn’t there. He wasn’t home. She had thought to herself. Kiyah had knocked on his door and waited in her car for an hour to see if he just wasn’t home and was going to return but no. He hadn’t been home at all. Kiyah remembers where he would be when he was off, and he wasn’t home when they were friends.

Is he with her? Kiyah had wondered. It was a habit of his when they were friends. He would go see his ex when he had nothing to do, and he was bored.

The tears pooled in her eyes as the thought echoed in her mind. She couldn’t really blame him if he was with her, he’s tried to reach out and she didn’t give him the chance to fix things. She’s the one to break things off anyways so what he did on his free time was none of her business, but it didn’t stop the feeling of her heart being torn from her chest.

She had promised to call Bianca if things went left but she didn’t want to bother her any more than she has this whole day. She wanted her cousin to be at home, happily with her husband. Kiyah would have to deal with her broken heart alone.

And deal with it she did. Kiyah drove to the closest hotel near the airport and didn’t even get park the car for two seconds before she broke down crying. In the back of her mind, she always thought her and Jimmy were on borrowed time. With him being who he is and with what he does, she had her doubts. The doubts weren’t strong ones because any insecurity that she did have, Jimmy had putted them to rest with how attentive he was with her. But in the end, maybe he spoke some truth. Her baggage really did ruin the best thing she’s ever had. Maybe he finally realized that he could have someone better than her and left what they had where she left it and found something better…. Someone better.

What the heart wants

Present July 7th 2023

Kiyah’s heart has been beating out her chest ever since she left Jimmy to go get ready for the show. She didn’t know what she wanted to achieve with having a conversation with him. Bianca was trying to get her to go talk to him since this would be the first time the two are in the same vicinity.

“This could be your only chance to go see him. Could be your only chance to fix this mess and get your man back.” Bianca had stated to her. At first, Kiyah didn’t move from her seat. But she kept thinking it over, kept thinking about how much she loves him and how if there was supposed to be someone to be the one to do it… it had to be her.

When she had left him that night it was her who ignored all his calls, and when he had visited her a couple of weeks after the incident, it was her who ignored his pleas. He didn’t know about her trip to Florida so she knew, if they were going to have to speak, it was going to have to be her who made the first move.

It was all she needed to think before she did it. Now she didn’t know what to do, she didn’t come prepaid to talk to him. She had came because she hadn’t seen Bianca for a while and wanted to support from backstage in her locker room but now, she had to figure out how she was going to apologize to him and probably hope he lets her back in his life, even if it was just to be friends.

Yeah right.

“You need to stop trippin’. He agreed to talk right? Okay so just tell that man you sorry and how you never stopped thinking about him because you still love him and that you went to see him two months ago, but he wasn’t home, and you just wanted to mend things.”

“What if he’s already back to fuckin’ her?” Kiyah asked her cousin with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, let’s be serious. I broke it off and he could be comfortable going back to fuckin’ his ex ya know? We’ve only had been dating for six months.”

“Yeah, and knew each other for three years. Secretly in love with each other for the two years that you did know each other. Kiyah c’mon you can’t keep pushing. We don’t even know for sure if he was with his ex or not, your just assuming. You won’t know the full truth if you don’t go talk to him.”

Kiyah knew Bianca was telling the truth, so she nodded her head taking in a deep breath. She had to face reality if she wanted to get her man back. And even though every nerve in her body was lit up as if it were on fire, she knew Jimmy was worth all the anxiety because she loves him.

Jimmy on the other hand couldn’t get rid of the shock feeling he felt. Kiyah had showed up and wanted to talk.

“Aye Uce, you feeling okay?” Solo asked him, concern showing through his eyes.

“I don’t know.” He replied honestly. He didn’t really expect to see her yet, he thought he was going to be sad off the memories the city has given him and try to move on as fast as possible.

“Honest question, you still love her?” Jey asked, but everyone in the room knew the answer to that.

“Of course, I do.”

“Still wanna be with her?” Solo asked

Silence filled the locker room. But again, everyone in the room already knew the answer to that too. Jey knew that even though his brother was in shock, this could mean something for the two. Solo knew the same. Looking at his older brother, he already knew, this sparked some hope in his chest.

“I always wanted to be with her.” He admits to his brothers but shook his head. “But I don’t know what to say to her. It’s been three months, what am I supposed to say?”

“Well, seeing as she came to you, let her start the conversation. But tell her what you telling us… tell her you love her. Tell her what you wanted to tell her when we came here a couple months back.” Jey explained.

Jimmy’s heart clenched as he thought about that night, how all he wanted to do was profess his love to her and apologize and hold her until he had to fly back to work that Friday morning.

“Listen, somethings in life are worth fighting for. Obviously you both wanna fight for this, and maybe she’s showing up a little later than you want but would you rather have her give up on you fully? Is these three months worth allat?” Jey genuinely asked but Jimmy didn’t know. Is her going ghost really worth it?

The boys didn’t really have the luxury of time to do a deep dive into Jimmy and his feelings because they had to go out there and start the show off, especially after such a big win at Money in the bank.

As much as she tried to pull herself together, once that familiar music started to play on the tv in the locker room she couldn’t help but lock her eyes on the screen. It didn’t matter how much she tried to avoid him, in one way or another, every Friday, she found herself watching the second longest running television show in all sports entertainment.

But even though Kiyah wanted to watch the segment, she couldn’t watch the entire thing. Not when she had to prepare for the conversation that her and Jimmy were going to have inevitably.

“Don’t overthink it. He doesn’t hate you Kiyah, stop thinking like that.” Tez stated to comfort her and Bianca had nodded her head in agreement.

“Seriously, just think of it as two friends reuniting to make up for lost time or something. You and Jimmy were friends first, treat the situation as such.” Bianca advised and Kiyah thought about it.

Bianca was right, Kiyah thought to herself. It was never just Jimmy and never just Kiyah…. It was always Jimmy and Kiyah, and she should treat the situation as such. She’s going to apologize for hurting him because that was the last thing she wanted to do. She’s just so used to pushing, she never realized how selfish it may have looked.

But Kiyah knows where she fucked up at and she knows she has to make it up to him and for Jimmy, she was willing. Jimmy was the type of person to wear his heart on his sleeve for the right people, and he didn’t really deserve her cold shoulder. No matter how upset she was.

_______________________________

After the camera’s cut, Jimmy and Jey jump out of the ambulance and dapped each other up. “Alright Uce, gone head and take care of ya’ business. Let me know how it goes later.” Jey said as they bid each other goodbye for the night.

Jimmy had requested for a break two weeks ago so that he could really take time to focus on himself since after the breakup. Week in and week out, it him putting work first but he couldn’t really do it anymore. He needed the time off.

Now though, with Kiyah popping back up out of nowhere, he didn’t know what he want to do anymore. On his way back to the locker room, he decided he won’t think too much about everything. Kiyah was the type of girl who’s had her heart broken so many times that he’s not really surprised that she’s used to running… he just thought that it was different with him. He showed out every time that he could with her and he thought it was enough, but maybe it wasn’t. Or maybe it was if she was back and wanted to talk.

I don’t fuckin know; Jimmy thought to himself. All he knew was that if there was a chance between the two of them to fix whatever this was between the two of them then he wouldn’t shut her out. Not like he could anyways, not when he loves her much.

Plus, he couldn’t put the entire blame on her. It was him who triggered her. He triggered her flight and fight response. He hurt her when he threw her past and insecurity back in her face. He regretted it the second he said it, but it was too late. The knife had already made its way to her chest, the very second he said it. He knew he would apologize for it ten times over tonight because he didn’t mean it. He never wanted to hurt her, and he never wanted to be reason behind it either. He’ll never forget the look on her face, how devastated she was. Hopefully they’d get past it. Hopefully they would put this behind them and hopefully they could get to how they were before.

After Jimmy grabbed his bags, he had made his way to look for Tez but when he opened the door, for the second time that night he was face to face with Kiyah.

“Hey.” She greeted in a soft tone and a nervous smile.

“Hey.” He replied and silence filled the air between the two as they stared at each other.

Both of them just taking in the sight of each other, it was then Kiyah realized how much she missed him because she wanted a hug so bad and she knew they weren’t on those terms yet.

She contemplated just walking up and giving him a hug anyways. Her body yearned to be close with him.

"You ready to go? I don’t know where you want to to go but wherever is fine." He finally had spoken.

Kiyah bit her lip as she thought about her response, there was only one place in the city that she wanted to be with him.

"Can we go home?" She whispered out to him, and the silence filled the hallway once again.

Home. She had stated as if they were both living in the same place and she was ready to fall back into that solace of their shared space. Home. What they were to each other, even after all this time.

Jimmy nodded his head at her and that gave Kiyah the confidence she needed to push off the wall and wrap her arms around his neck to pull him into a warm embrace. She felt Jimmy freeze against her body and his hesitation made her tighten her grip. If this was going to be the last time they hug, she’d hold on until she couldn’t anymore.

When Jimmy wrapped his arms around her in return, Kiyah felt her eyes water. Neither of them said anything to each other as they held on to each other. Jimmy’s felt his heart swell in his chest, this was all he wanted. A chance to hold her.

They knew they had so much to talk about but in this moment, they let themselves hold onto each other.

_______________________________

The two sat in the living room, right next to each other holding each other’s hand. On the way here, the two didn’t want to be far from each other. On the drive here, Kiyah sent a quick text to Bianca to let her cousin know she’s left and will call her in the morning before placing her phone on DND so that she could give him her undivided attention.

Jimmy was tempted to light up, to ease his mind but he knew that this was a conversation that they needed to be sober for.

“I’m sorry.” Kiyah blurted out in a low tone, flexing her hand to intertwine their fingers together and hold his hand tighter.

“I’m sorry I shut you out. You don’t deserve that. And I know you’ve reached out, and I have this… I have the tendency to run when I’m scared.” Kiyah stated, her sentence ending in a whisper.

Kiyah’s heart felt heavy and she fought hard to keep her tears at bay but it was pointless.

Jimmy let her get everything out, his heart feelings heavy his chest but this conversation had to be had… no matter how difficult it may be for either of em.

“And I run to protect myself but I only end up really hurting myself in the process. And I know I hurt you because I shouldn’t have to protect myself… not with you. You were right you know?”

Jimmy lifted his eyes from his lap to look at her with a raised eyebrows looking at her in confusion.

“I do have so much baggage.” She whispered.

Jimmy felt his heart crack. He shook his head to disagree but she kept going.

“My ex left me with so much trust issues but to push those insecurities onto you wasn’t fair. That baggage was from that relationship and I’m sorry-“

“Kiyah, I didn’t mean it.” He responded, cutting her off. He wasn’t going to let her apologize for her triggers. “You don’t have baggage Kiyah, if that were the case you would’ve displayed it earlier in our relationship and you didn’t. I know what he did to you, and I know it felt like I turned around and did the same thing to you. But I didn’t mean it. I swear.” He stated almost in a plea.

“Don’t apologize because I triggered you. That’s on me and I’m sorry. I wish I never said it because I don’t want to be the reason you’re so upset but in the midst of my anger it just came out. I’m sorry Kiyah. Seriously.” Jimmy wanted this to be over, he wanted to get past this and forget it ever happened. He just wanted to be with her.

Kiyah’s eyes locked with Jimmy’s and she can see the sincerity in them. She can hear it in his voice. She believed him, it was something she forgave him for a while ago.

Jimmy lifted his other hand to wipe away the tears that were falling uncontrollably down her face.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean it. And I won’t do it again if you give me another chance.” Kiyah replied to him, eyes pleading for forgiveness. “I remember when you told me you wanted to experience all your firsts with me, and I feel the same way. You are the first person I’ve ran back to, the only person who is worth it.” She admitted.

Jimmy leaned forward to place his forehead against hers. “If you forgive me, I’ll forgive you.” He whispered to her, making Kiyah crack a small smile.

“I already forgave you.” She whispered back to him and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

Jimmy leaned forward to press his lips against hers. The kiss shared between the two was one of desperation. Desperate to show their love to each other.

The heart wants what it wants

Jimmy and Kiyah ended their night in her room. The moment filled with passion, and they couldn’t stay away from each other anymore than they already did.

They made love for almost the whole night. Whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ to each other as they shared their night of passion. It was to make up for lost time, it was to express themselves to each other, it was to show each other that their love still meant a lot to them.

When Kiyah woke up the next morning, she half expected to wake up to an empty bed but no. There Jimmy was, face almost buried into the pillow as he slept peacefully beside her.

It was the first time in three month she felt happy. The first time she woke up with her heart feeling content. She watched him sleep with a small smile on her face as she remembered last night. She hoped that those three months would just be water under the bridge, hoped it didn’t effect their dynamic of what they were.

And their regular dynamic would be her getting to make him something to eat but she couldn’t bring herself to get and leave. It was almost as if leaving the bed would shatter this reality, and she didn’t want to leave his side just yet.

When Kiyah woke up again, she noticed her change of position. Her head on Jimmy’s chest, and her leg over his hips with one of his hands rubbing her leg.

“Good morning.” She mumbled tiredly. She shifted her head to stare at him to find he was already watching her.

“Good morning.” He responded back, leaning towards her to peck her lips. “I love you.”

Kiyah felt her heart leap in her chest. She wouldn’t wake up any other way. “I love you.” She replied back without missing a beat.

They both smiled softly at each other. “I requested time off from work. At first it was so that I can sort myself out but, I think I just wanna spend my time here with you.” He informed her.

“We can go to your place too if you want. I can request some time off work and we can be on the first flight to Florida.”

Jimmy let out a small chuckle. “You’re so in love with Florida huh?”

“I’m in love with what’s in Florida. I love it here, don’t get me wrong but I love it when we’re in Florida. It’s quieter, a much slower pace than New York for sure.”

“I’m in love with what’s in New York, so I understand.” Jimmy replied and Kiyah pressed a small kiss to his chest.

Silence filled between them and this time it was a comfortable silence. There was one thing that was nagging at her, and she didn’t want to ask to ruin everything they’ve just tried to get past through. She’s not sure she could handle the truth, if it were true. Was he with her when I went to Florida?

“I went to Florida back in May.” She finally confessed, her arms tightening around him as the words flowed from her mouth. “I thought you were gonna be home but you didn’t show up.”

Jimmy furrowed his eyebrows as he thought back to a couple of months ago. “When?” He asked.

“The 10th. Tez told Bianca that he overheard you saying you were going to the airport and she convinced me to buy a ticket to come see you.” She explained and she felt Jimmy freeze. Her heart began to pick up its pace.

“It was the first time I’ve ever ran back to you. But when you didn’t answer the door I thought you-“ and Jimmy cut her off.

“I came here.”

Kiyah pulled back from their embrace to look at him. The shock was written on her face, she couldn’t hide it. “What?”

“Jey told me to come to New York to try one more time and I did.” Jimmy explained. A small chuckle ran through him. “I thought you were ignoring me when I came but whole time you were chasing after me too huh?”

She can feel the relief settle in her heart. No, he wasn’t with his ex because he came looking for her. They ran after each other on the same day.

“I probably should’ve called.” But Jimmy shrugged off her comments. He was over that. He pulls her back into him again.

“Do you remember what you said about having a love to remember?” He asked her and she stared at him.

The first time she surprised him at his house, she had a conversation with her friend about a love that’s worth dying for. A love that’s worth remembering.

“I love you and I never forgot it. These past three months all I could do was remember our love and I want to stop living in those memories and make new ones.” Jimmy expressed.

She understood what he was saying, and she couldn’t help but agree with him. Their love was one worth remembering, but their story didn’t end like they thought it did back in April. And even now as they laid in each other's arms, Kiyah finally thought, maybe this was the love Jack and Rose had that Alexis was talking about. But if it was, she didn’t want it to be. She didn’t want the love Jack and Rose had, she wants the one that Jimmy and Kiyah have.

[twice-inamillion]

Twisted Reality

Angst (Sadness, Depression, Grieving)

Chapter 220

1,300 Words

(Sana returns home after having a miscarriage of her first child. She needs to adjust to her new reality and grieve her loss. You and the members try your best to make her feel comfortable during these difficult moments.)

Sana returns home after spending a few days at the clinic. It’s been a rough few days for both of you, especially Sana, who tries to put a happy face for the members back home. 

The door opens, and the both of you are greeted by all night and the babies who waddle to Sana. She squats to greet them and tries to smile, but just looking at them makes her tear up. The idea that she would never see her baby boy in person, like how she is looking at the girls, makes her emotional. She stands up, walks to your arms, and cries on your chest.

Jisoo points and says, “Unnie, cry?”

Jihyo picks up Jisoo and whispers, “Auntie Sana doesn’t feel good. Let’s go and play outside with your sisters and give Auntie some time.” Jisoo nods, grabs Ari and Hina’s hand, and walks with Jihyo to the backyard. 

The rest of the members walk up to Sana, pull her from you, surround her, and hug her. They bring her to the living and listen to her thoughts and emotions during the last few days. 

You, on the other hand, go to your room and take a shower before heading back downstairs. “How are you doing, Oppa?”

“It’s hard, losing a child, but you know, got to stay strong.”

“I feel really bad for Sana. I wouldn’t know what I would do if I lost Da-eun; I think I would die if I lost her.”

“I know you love her with all your heart.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry you and Sana must go through this. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” and hug her.

Meanwhile, the members listen to Sana and what happened in the clinic. She talks about the options that come during a miscarriage and how she can’t do anything physical for about a month. Sana mentions that Oppa suggested that she take a break from the tour, to which the members agreed. “I don’t want to say home; I want to go and perform with all of you.”

“You can’t, Unnie; you need to recover. You can’t stress your body.”

“Please… I want to be with all of you. Don’t leave me here alone,” says Sana with watery eyes.

Jihyo looks at you coming down the stairs and says, “What if Oppa stays with you? You won’t be alone.” Sana turns around to look at you with teary eyes, breaking your heart. “Stay with me, Sana. Let’s go through this together; I’m here for you.”

“Okay, but all of you need to keep in touch with me. I don’t want you all to forget about me.”

“We wouldn’t forget about you. We’ll message and call you every day, I promise.”

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

————-

Twice Twitter and Instagram:

Hello, this is JYP Entertainment.

We would like to announce in regards to Sana’s health condition and status.

Sana is currently struggling with sudden extreme anxiety and insecurity towards performing on stage and being in large crowds. No exact diagnosis has been identified yet. We are consulting with several medical professionals to verify the cause in detail.

After extensive discussion with Sana and the members, we have decided that Sana’s current condition requires additional treatment, professional measures, and sufficient rest. Along with this decision, Sana will not be attending the following schedule:

Twice World Tour 2019 ‘TWICELIGHTS’

The health of our artists is our top priority and most important thing. Thus, we will do everything to provide proper and best medical treatment and sufficient rest for Sana’s recovery.

We sincerely ask for fan’s support so that Sana can get well soon. 

Thank you.

JYP Entertainment 

————— 

The news of Sana’s departure from the tour was sent to all matters of the press and online sources. Many Once were shocked to see her sudden departure from the tour but understood that her wellbeing was the most important thing. Many of them get well posted and wish her a speedy and safe recovery.

This made Sana happy to have Once support her through this rough moment in her life. Even if they would never know the true nature of her departure from the tour, she still knew their wishes for her recovery were sincere.

————

A few days before the member's departure to Singapore, the members try to gather their belongings and meet with their families. Nayeon stays home with Sana, while most members go home to their parents. You go to the office to bring paperwork and your laptop to work remotely from home. 

“Unnie, I’m going to go up and take a bath.”

“Okay, I will be in the kitchen and get dinner ready.”

“Kay.”

Sana goes up to her room and grabs her towel, bath toiletries, and a waterproof speaker. She turns on the hot water and lets it fill up more than halfway. She pours some water oils and some pedals to make it nice and relaxing and dips her foot into the bath. 

“Ahh… this feels nice. It’s been a while since I’ve done this.”

She takes out her phone, sets up the speaker next to the stand, and plays relaxing music. She closes her eyes and tries to clear her mind and forget…

With her eyes wide, all she hears is the calming music and the sound of water moving in the bathtub. It isn’t until she hears a baby’s cry that she returns to reality.

“Is that Da-eun? She must have woken up from her nap and is probably hungry for breastmilk. Something that I would never be able to do now that my baby is gone.”

Sana grabs her phone and looks at the photos and videos of the best moments of her life, her pregnancy. She scrolls down her gallery and sees the photos of all the baby’s newborn pictures and when they arrived home from the hospital. Pictures of when they took their first bath in the kitchen sink since the tub was too big, the moments the members would breastfeed them when they cried, and them playing with their stuffed animals. 

She looks at the photos of her pregnancy test, the video of her announcing the news to her mother and father and their reaction, and yours. Screenshots of baby clothing from stores that she circled when she did not know its gender and her mirror selfie of her baby bump. She tries her best to hold her tears until she scrolls to the only picture of her baby, her sonogram. She could see his head, feet, arms, and what seemed to be his heart. It is then she can’t hold her tears any longer and breaks down, crying.

“I…I’m sorry, little one. It’s my fault you're dead… Mommy should have been stronger and fought for you. I could have held you in my arms if I had kept you safe for a couple more months. Instead, you’re…” She places her hands on her face, preventing her cries from being heard outside.

“I don’t know if there is a heaven, but please, if there is one, Mommy knows you tried your best.”

She slowly slides herself into the bathtub, the water covering her face. With her eyes and her mouth closed, and holding her breath when a thought came to mind. “Without you in my life, I have no purpose. I don’t want to live in a world where you’re not in it. Mommy will join you soon…” as Sana finishes the last breath of air.

[kisara-kaiba]

OKAY THE KINKY BLUES HAS ME INTRIGUED PLEAAASE HEAR ME OUT ON SUGGESTIONS/BRAINSTORMING/HOPES/DREAMS. alright so it cant be in Temptation, the kink requires its own pocket dimension, first of all. as the biggest fanboygirl of their cycle of dominance and submission im gonna start off with that. a really fun and naturally flowing dom-sub dynamic for them is born in ancient egypt. if set put her aside as his property and tried to experiment with her ka with slowly increasing pressure whilr kisara was like "this kind man who saved me twice feeds me and shelters me who cares if hes tying me down and writing spells on my skin lol" it goes apeshit from there. TWO-this can be from many modern aus with little work, basically an in love blueship that seemlessly slipped into a dom-sub dynamic consciously switching it up a lil. whether that has seto giving orders while tied up on his knees or kisara begging to tie him up would be..that would go BRRRR. THREE. biting kink. straight up. no notes. id be fine with a 400 word introspective of either of one of them watching the bite marks they left on the other and their feelings about it. id settle. itd be enough.

how we feeling. any of thesr sound desirable. wanna brainstorm more. ill come knocking at your door like an unhinged mormon. anyway wanna tell you regardless, absolutely no pressure what you may or may not end up writing i just wanted to yell at someone about kinky blues, have a great day

S C R E E C H I NG this is why ily blueshipping king you just get my vision <333 that ancient Egypt idea has got me going f e r a l just thinking about it and i’ve thought for so long that i should write some mizushipping at some point anyway so yesssss. also biting is uh. yes please.

anyway okay now you got me started so strap in because this is gonna be a long ramble. so i feel like there’s several points about how i imagine their dynamic that i have to unpack here (putting it under a cut bc length or if ppl are uncomfy with this stuff)

↓↓↓

i am unfortunately boring in the way that i’ll ultimately always wanna write Seto as the dominant one just bc of my own personal preferences. BUT that obv doesn’t mean Kisa wouldn’t have a fair amount of control over the situation, both bc a healthy dom/sub dynamic requires it in terms of consent and boundaries ofc, but also bc a) Seto is so extreme in his need for Kisara’s explicit permission to do basically anything to her (even the vanilla stuff) because he’s so painfully precious about her well-being and also constantly plagued by not feeling worthy of her and b) while i think Kisa wants to be dominated i think she also realllly enjoys the control of knowing she’s got Seto wrapped around her little finger and could make him do any depraved thing she wants to her just by looking at him in the right way. so yeah i think they both know who’s really in control behind the scenes lol

i’m also DYING to get into Seto’s inevitable mental struggle to reconcile his thoughts and feelings of “she is a perfect goddess and i’m a mere mortal unworthy of even looking at her let alone touch her” and “i’d die to protect her and if anyone hurts her i’ll fucking kill them” vs his desire to be the one who gets to take this perfect goddess and make her submit to him, kneel before him, own and control and ruin her perfectly (because if there’s one thing we all know about Seto Kaiba is that he’ll make sure the divine yields to him, and not the other way around). I guess the key things there is that he alone is allowed to hurt her and no one else.

On this note i do however think Seto would be so conflicted about physically hurting Kisa, even if she very clearly and explicitly wants him to, because he just struggles with being so overprotective of her and not wanting to see her injured or in pain. but this would also be delicious to write him being all conflicted due to the guilt of causing her pain vs the fact that doing so is super fucking hot and he can’t resist doing it, esp not when she’s literally begging him to. Taking all of his frustrations after a long day out on her more than willing body would be so cathartic and tempting but also associated with so much guilt and worry about getting too into it and going too far.

I also definitely see Kisa as being the more extreme of them, to the point where i can actually see her be just a little bit unhealthily masochistic because she doesn’t really value herself due to past trauma, giving her a self-destructive streak and kinda fucked-up notions along the lines of ultimately being deserving of pain and suffering, that someone hurting her equals caring about her and wanting her, and that the ultimate thing she can do to show someone that she really loves and trusts them is to just offer herself up completely to use and do whatever they want to, which Seto would have to try to handle and mitigate because he’s ultimately not gonna let her use him to actually really hurt herself (and you know it would also break his heart a thousand times over to realise just how little she values and cares about herself due to her fucked up past). But I could also write it kinda funny in that whole “sub suggesting increasingly violent/fucked up things while the dom goes ‘idk that’s scary’” lmao. I think Kisa is a bit annoyed that people (especially Seto) tend to see her as this fragile, porcelain flower and wants to prove that she is perfectly capable of taking a (consensual) beating.

Outside of strictly sexual stuff i can also see Kisa as very much an ‘everyday/domestic acts of service’ kinda sub who just wants to bring Seto his coffee when he’s working and a drink when he comes home from work and make sure to always wash and iron his clothes and put them out before he leaves in the morning, tying his tie before he leaves and untying it when he gets home and cooking and serving his meals for him (which tbh wouldn’t just be about her being submissive but also bc she just wants to make sure he actually takes care of himself with like, eating and taking coffee breaks bc you know that man doesn’t take care of himself if left unchecked). And I think this also ties in with her sense of self-worth being tied to being useful and helping others because she doesn’t really see herself as valuable unto herself, but also maybe acts of service is just kinda her “love language” too. i feel like this is the sort of thing i could maybe include in Temptation bc she’s already pretty much like this there, with to me pretty obvious undertones that her working as Seto’s assistant is definitely triggering a submissive side in her.

Temptation also has the whole thing with Seto secretly enjoying Kisa wearing her KaibaCorp pin while working because it marks her as his for the world to see, and I definitely feel like that’d be a thing for him too. Branding her, either by things like visible bite marks/hickeys that she’s not allowed to cover up or something like a discreet necklace that is actually a collar (although tbf, with the fashion we see in the Yugioh universe, would anyone even blink at a BDSM-style collar? Like Yugi’s already wearing fetish gear as his everyday clothes lmao). I mean, Seto’s already pretty big on putting his branding on literally everything, so Kisa would be no exception (also imagine the ridiculous extravagance and amount of money and care Seto would put into a collar for Kisa).

While I’m not really into the idea of Seto being submissive per se, I do think both he and Kisa could easily have praise kinks because they both crave validation in their own ways and for someone to telling them that they’re doing/being good (Seto wouldn’t admit that though, but if I allow for some submissiveness on his part I think being called a good boy could fix him). But with him as the dom it also totally tracks for him to make Kisa worship him and stroke his ego in that way. On that theme, however, I could also imagine him making her allow him to worship her as a kind of ‘punishment’ bc he knows she has a hard time accepting that but that it’s also something that’s good for her to hear.

Also I can totally see Kisa being a little bratty as a sub sometimes because she likes to talk back to Seto and be deliberately cheeky, disrespectful and provocative (both because she enjoys the control of getting him riled up and because she knows that the more she gets him worked up the more forceful and intense he’ll be about putting her back into place afterwards).

Okay so this turned into a fic-chapter length essay about this topic instead of actually writing the fic (bc *ofc* i’d do that) but please lmk what you think!!! (and hopefully i'll use your ideas + my rambling and turn in into fic eventually)

[alagaesia-headcanons]

When shipping Orrin/Murtagh, do you ever feel the need to just... give in to their alcohol abuse tendencies? I wanted to do a drabble with them but halfway their communication problem turned into retreating, moping and drinking :(

Oooh that idea has a lot of interesting possibilities within it. Of course, it’s perfect for angst, and I think there’s great potential to develop it into a meaningful resolution.

I definitely encourage you to keep going! I don’t feel like the characters relapsing into alcoholism to some degree has to halt the progress of your story, especially when writing Murtagh and Orrin. After all, the ways that both of them made mistakes with alcohol in the past is one of the many interesting overlaps between them. The way their communication issue led them back to drinking is an interesting concept in itself. It’d be a cool approach to illustrate what emotions they’re most vulnerable to and what makes Murtagh feel the need to drink versus what makes Orrin feel it. What parts of their relationship are most affected by these struggles? Do they try to keep it hidden? Do they ever drink together?

That has a lot of potential to shift the situation and explore their dynamic from an entirely new angle. Would Orrin first suggest it, or would Murtagh? How exactly would they interact in that kind of state and how would they feel about it afterwards? That could lead them to reveal or confess things they were avoiding and kickstart proper communication. Or on the other hand, if their drunken distress feeds into each other and makes their pain and misunderstanding even worse, it could make them realize afterwards that they need to deal with things directly before they break something that can’t be fixed.

Alternatively, maybe one or both of them realize what the other is doing without ever seeing them drink. Since they both had past experiences with alcohol abuse, they could be particularly conscious of the signs. Maybe Orrin notices the glint of a flask tucked surreptitiously in Murtagh’s pocket even though he’d never seen him carry one before, or he sees tiny drops of red staining the sleeve of his shirt. Maybe Murtagh notices the smell of Orrin’s breath through the heavy perfume trying to disguise it, or catches him bringing his goblet away with him when dinner is finished.

Realizing that the other is also struggling can spark deep empathy and concern. Perhaps that earnest care and desire to help can overpower the feelings that caused the communication issue to begin with. Or the worry and urge to help make it clear that their own drinking habits are harmful and need to be addressed. It could provide a lot of motivation to open up and work through hard things together once they see how much they’re both hurt by such miscommunications. And breaking their habits and recovering together could ease so much shame and fear and show Murtagh and Orrin the value of support that they’ve never had quite like this.

So much potential! I really hope that was helpful or inspiring in some way, and I hope it wasn’t overbearing or anything. I just adore chatting about ideas for the two of them. If you do finish the fic, please please PLEASE send me a link, I’d fucking LOVE to read it!!!!!!

(If it’s of interest- I haven’t really felt drawn to show them falling back to their alcoholism during their relationship, but it’s more because I don’t tend to emphasize substance abuse in my own writing. On an individual level, I find it somewhat uncomfortable to write in depth, and I’m not fully confident in my ability to depict it well. It’s a very interesting theme and I’ve enjoyed plenty of stories that deal with it, but writing it myself is a different beast I’m not always up for.

Within my own story, I work through the alcohol abuse they demonstrate during canon in the first part and bring it to a resolution before they meet. Orrin overcomes his brief but brutal descent into alcoholism during the first few months after the end of the war as part of his journey to properly process his grief for the loved ones he lost. In my headcanons, Murtagh’s drunkenness was more isolated and extreme incidents, also very unhealthy, but not consistent in a way that led to dependency. That makes it easier for him to overcome, facilitated by the fact that he simply has no alcohol to drink in his isolation. By the time they meet, they both have a resolve to not drink if they can avoid it.

For the most part, they’re pretty good for each other in that way. They want to support the other’s resolve to stay sober and don’t want to undermine that with any temptation, and that tends to keep them from initiating drinking together. (Though that doesn’t always keep them away from other unhealthy behaviors...) I’ve written a conversation between them where they first talk about that part of their past. In a certain way, it helps alleviate some of their shame and fear of judgment to know that they’ve both made similar mistakes. They empathize with that struggle and would never condemn the other for it.

Although, all this has made me consider some ways having struggles with alcohol come back up might play a meaningful role in the story, so I definitely want to give that more thought!)

[shefromhouston]

Why do you think it is narcissistic mothers are so invasive, and love to argue?? I live at home because I unfortunately cannot afford to be on my own because I don’t make enough…she is constantly wanting to argue with me and when I try to defuse it and say she’s right or say “okay” she wants to argue and escalate it more to where I am so upset and yelling…then she goes “why’re you yelling…” as if she didn’t lead it to come to that point even after I said I didn’t want to argue and that she was right?! Oh and she pretends she wasn’t yelling at all prior…it’s just getting awful and don’t understand how someone can have it in them to argue all the time….. She was cleaning my room to and found pregnancy tests …wanted to know all about it saying “it’s gross” kept asking invasive questions as to who I have been with and all that…i said to her “really you think that’s appropriate to ask me about, then proceed to want to know about it make comments and think I owe you information??” And honestly, I’m not sure she is a narcissist? but she makes me feel awful and every time we argue it’s not just a little argument it’s always so bad…and like I can never be too close to her or tell her anything because I feel with her it’s “all or nothing”….and I really am already depressed like barely can get out of bed some days, cry all the time in my room, late a lot to work…and I get it’s frustrating for her but I don’t get how she is being is going to be helpful…. any input?

I don’t know when you sent this but please forgive my late response; I have soooo much to say about this I don’t believe I can possibly find all the words to sum it up in this response but I can say I have and still am experiencing this…I am now 26 so my relationship with my Mother has changed and hasn’t at the same time. I moved out on my own when I was 19 years old, but during my freshman year in college and ALL through highschool and some of middle school (like the moment I hit 13) my mom and I have been in this constant push and pull. I don’t believe my Mother is a narcissist but at one point I MOST DEFINITELY thought so. Now she does have narcissistic tendencies and is VERY selfish so I can understand what you feel when you question if she’s an actual narc or not, the stress they cause can be so much that that would be the most logical explanation to their irrational behavior. But after being in a relationship with an actual diagnosed narcissist, I really understood the differences. My mom would constantly kick me out(even when I was underaged) pick fights with me, yell and argue for HOURS on end. She would invade my privacy by asking very intrusive questions and she would read my journals…she would say the most cruel things to me out of spite or misplaced anger. It was just bad. I was desperate to get out when I got home from Tuskegee. So desperate that my first apartment was like a guest house near TSU where I transferred to…It was hard, I struggled but I wanted my relationship with her to heal but ugh to this day, I hesitate to answer the phone for her. I love her. truly. but she STILL stresses me out every time I speak to her or every time i’m around her. She uses her health to excuse her behavior or guilt trip me into to talking to her. She was financially manipulative as well when I was living with her and little bit after I moved out until I had a friend teach me how to set better boundaries with my money and her. Sorry for going on for so long but jeez my mom has been a large part of my trauma and depression. The root of a lot of it.

but the advise I can give may be a little frustrating due to you not being able to move immediately but I strongly suggest you put distance in between you two (which could be a reason she’s acting like that, many parents believe their job stops at 18) but moving away saved my sanity and slightly improved my relationship with her. Mainly because I now have control over how much she can interact with me. When you’re under their roof, they will make you pay with your peace of mind. But until you can do that, I survived by gray rocking. Gray rocking is giving the minimum amount of energy you can to the person, this is also how I would eventually survive an abusive relationship with a narcissist. When they ask questions keep your answers as short and simple as possible. When they present issues or try to start arguments and you know being agreeable won’t work, separate yourself, leave the house for a bit if you can. Find a friend you can trust and see if you can make a safe haven at their place when things get heated at home. Go to the park. something…but do not engage. I’m telling you now, conversations with people that are committed to finding a problem or misunderstanding you won’t get you anywhere, don’t waste time trying to have sit downs with her until you have moved out and focused on yourself for a while…I am so sorry you are experiencing this and I pray you find solace sooner than later.

[perplexingluciddreams]

When you were semiverbal and your speech started to decline more what was a big difference? Like how could you tell?

did you notice or did others point it out to you?

When did those moments where you would “dump” a bunch of words out at once stop?

2nd questiom: you mentioned that when you got aac , you weren’t expecting for your speech to continue to decline to fully nonverbal, did people ever think that the aac somehow “caused” you to continue to regress in speech. How did you get aac, did you convince people somehow or did they suggest?

I didn’t notice, not for a long time. Especially because I’d always had so much difficulty with speech and communication throughout my entire life. And because of my physical conditions declining around the same period of time, I saw less and less people and spent more and more time alone in my room, so it wasn’t noticed that I went days or weeks barely saying a word. A lot of my communication became text-based then, so then the only words I would say often would be “thanks” or “thank you”, or occasionally the name of an object and the word “please”, for example “water please”.

I was half-aware that my speech became more unreliable and uncontrollable at or around puberty (starting age 10 or 11). I would go long periods without being capable of any kind of interaction without having a huge meltdown (I would not interact at all during school hours, then when I would come home and my mum would try to ask me a simple question I’d suddenly be painfully jolted out of my dissociative trance, and all the sensory triggers I’d been experiencing all day came rushing into my brain all at once. What followed, in a rather predictable pattern, is I would be unable to give a proper response to the question, shout or scream words unintentionally, and run upstairs trying to take my school uniform off as quickly as possible, my body slamming doors and shouting/screaming and throwing things without my control all the way. These meltdowns happened almost daily (and sometimes more than once in a day) from about age 10-13, I think.

The other side of the coin to this was when, instead of shutting down all day at school (and in any social setting) to deal with the constant painful overwhelm, my body reacted by instead being incapable of staying still and quiet. This is when all of my scripts and echolalia (both the ones that were created intentionally, and the ones that just somehow found their way into the obsessive and repetitive part of my mind), would come out like a “dump” of words. I remember being very internally distressed whenever this happened, although not visibly on the outside because it was these moments where my body was the most out of my control. It was very upsetting to me that this always seemed to happen when I was around the people I liked/loved the most, and I regularly said things to them that didn’t match up with my thoughts at all. I felt like such a liar, even though at the same time I knew I could not control it. The last time this “dump” of words happened was at age 16, I believe. But it was a lot less than it had been previously, less words coming out at a slower speed, as I was already far on my way to losing my physical ability to speak at that point.

I wasn’t expecting my speech to fully decline to nonverbal mostly because I had no idea what was going to happen. I wasn’t expecting anything, really. I think it was my mum who finally suggested AAC, after we had tried writing by hand, typing, and learning some BSL. I’m not sure if I managed to bring it up first or not, I can’t remember if I externalised those thoughts or if they stayed locked internally. It took me a long time, lots of research, and lots of (attempted, but inaccurate) explanations until I could finally communicate what was happening with my speech, and just how much I was struggling.

Nobody ever said that AAC caused my continued speech decline (I don’t think so anyway), as I really continued to try to speak even once I was at the point where it was just unintelligible noises coming out of my mouth. I pushed it right to the end. I do remember one instance where my brain was STILL trying to make words I didn’t agree with come out of my mouth, and I had this unfortunate script that I picked up from an autistic person on TikTok (it just found it’s way into my brain and I was so angry and upset about it), who said something like “I CAN force it like this, but it’s so tiring”. And even though that was the opposite of true for me at that point, my mouth managed to make those words come out clearer than the rest. Thinking about it distresses me even now, and I don’t think I ever managed to communicate that specific experience to my mum until writing it now. So if you would count that as a “dump” of words, that happened at 16 also, right when I had lost almost all physical speech ability.

- Extra things to add that I think I missed: I definitely didn’t have to do any “convincing” when it came to communicating my experiences and things like AAC, once I managed to externalise my thoughts and feelings it was clear to other people that I was telling the truth. It couldn’t be hidden or ignored by that point, anyway (and I was never a high-masking autistic, I was never capable of masking really. I used to try and suppress my movements and sometimes managed to channel it into something slightly smaller but that was the only “masking” I ever managed to do). When I refer to the “dump” of words, it was basically my already unreliable speech going out of control, along with my body’s movements. And when I use the term “unreliable speech” I’m not just referring to it being hard to talk, I’m using the definition “a person may be able to speak, but not able to say what they want, for example saying “go away” obsessively or repeatedly, when the person intends to say “hello”. Doing or saying something that you don’t want to do, is called “motor disinhibition”. I talk about this experience a lot as it’s something that affects me a lot. Anxiety also significantly impacts my ability to control my body, so if I was put in a social situation it would often trigger this disinhibition, and possibly make it appear as if I was socialising.

Apologies for this being so long and ramble-y, I tried my best to answer the questions clearly. It can be difficult with complex topics like this, as my brain just wants to go on a million tangents!

[beechbloom]

Coming out to Kazuha as transgender

Tried to make this as inclusive as possible so that all trans people (both ftm/mtf and nonbinary) can see themselves in this. There a lot of ways to be trans tho so hnng

Oh and this could definitely just be viewed as all platonic. Kazuha and reader might be dating, or might not be. YOU decide 🫵

You seem nervous when you tell him

Little do you know, he’s known for some time already

“I had a hunch that may be the case. There was something distinctly unique in the feeling you give off, unlike that of a [agab].”

Honestly just goes with it, instantly starting to refer to you with the terms you prefer

This man is so used to thinking through his words as he speaks (making them pleasing to the ear) that he doesn’t struggle at all if you ask him to use different pronouns for you

Even neopronouns will be a walk in the park for him! Though he has to properly grasp how they work first, of course

Will ask you if you’re only comfortable with him knowing this, or if you want others to know too

Depending on your answer, he will act accordingly around people who don’t know

If you don’t want others to know, he’ll refer to you rather neutrally

Will go with either your agab pronouns, they/them, or might even try to avoid pronouns altogether depending on what you prefer

If anyone could refer to you with no pronouns ever and still have it sound natural, it'd be him

If you’re fine with others knowing, he will act like your gender is as normal as the sun being up during daytime

Will be a little hesitant if you ask him to explain it to someone, as he really won't be speaking from experience. But if you truly are too nervous to do it yourself, then he'll try

And despite his hesitance he'll be damn good at it, explaining it in a way that makes it sound so very natural and almost beautiful

Will definitely hear you out if you wanna discuss gender stuff

“Whilst I am unable to relate, I still understand that this is important to you. Please know that I am here to listen to anything you wish to tell me.”

He’ll ask questions if he feels he doesn’t understand something, but never in a way that invalidates your identity

If you tell him what causes you dysphoria he’ll definitely try to subtly keep you away from those situations

And if you tell him what causes you euphoria he’ll try and help you experience that every now and then

If you start altering your appearance to match how you feel inside, he’ll support you

He might even suggest things he thinks could help you feel more at home in your body

After a while, he’d definitely remind you of your progress

“I just have to say that seeing how far you’ve come, it truly brings me joy. You have grown so much with this, and the confidence you’ve gained from it makes itself apparent in all that you are. I’m proud of you.”

There’s nothing but respect from this man regarding your gender

You seem nervous when you tell him

Little do you know, he’s known for some time already

“I had a hunch that may be the case. There was something distinctly unique in the feeling you give off, unlike that of a [agab].”

Honestly just goes with it, instantly starting to refer to you with the terms you prefer

This man is so used to thinking through his words as he speaks (making them pleasing to the ear) that he doesn’t struggle at all if you ask him to use different pronouns for you

Even neopronouns will be a walk in the park for him! Though he has to properly grasp how they work first, of course

Will ask you if you’re only comfortable with him knowing this, or if you want others to know too

Depending on your answer, he will act accordingly around people who don’t know

If you don’t want others to know, he’ll refer to you rather neutrally

Will go with either your agab pronouns, they/them, or might even try to avoid pronouns altogether depending on what you prefer

If anyone could refer to you with no pronouns ever and still have it sound natural, it'd be him

If you’re fine with others knowing, he will act like your gender is as normal as the sun being up during daytime

Will be a little hesitant if you ask him to explain it to someone, as he really won't be speaking from experience. But if you truly are too nervous to do it yourself, then he'll try

And despite his hesitance he'll be damn good at it, explaining it in a way that makes it sound so very natural and almost beautiful

Will definitely hear you out if you wanna discuss gender stuff

“Whilst I am unable to relate, I still understand that this is important to you. Please know that I am here to listen to anything you wish to tell me.”

He’ll ask questions if he feels he doesn’t understand something, but never in a way that invalidates your identity

If you tell him what causes you dysphoria he’ll definitely try to subtly keep you away from those situations

And if you tell him what causes you euphoria he’ll try and help you experience that every now and then

If you start altering your appearance to match how you feel inside, he’ll support you

He might even suggest things he thinks could help you feel more at home in your body

After a while, he’d definitely remind you of your progress

“I just have to say that seeing how far you’ve come, it truly brings me joy. You have grown so much with this, and the confidence you’ve gained from it makes itself apparent in all that you are. I’m proud of you.”

There’s nothing but respect from this man regarding your gender

[maladaptvs]

Hello! So - you said you wanted to be told how to feel about Mark having an affair and the truth is nobody can tell you that, but I can tell you how *I* feel and hopefully that will help and it isn’t overstepping or anything.

I haven’t read the book but I listened to the original Audible thing that became the book and certainly in that text he never excuses it, never gives any indication that he thinks it was anything other than a heinous thing to get into, and the hurt he caused is and always will be a gigantic source of regret and self reproach.

We can never know everything about somebody. But for me, his honesty and pragmatism are what mattered; there is no excusing infidelity, and so he doesn’t try to, and it’s very much up to him and his family to have feelings on, and from what it seems, they have worked through it.

For me generally, I am able to easily forgive indiscretions or mistakes when someone has obvious regret for the impact of those mistakes. Of course he doesn’t regret being in love, or having happiness, but it’s not straightforward. Things rarely are.

You’re allowed to feel disappointed, but it doesn’t need to be hatred, unless it helps you. And without wishing to massively overstep, if you massively struggle to find the balance between those things, please could I suggest taking a look at some principles of dialectic behaviour therapy to maybe help you to identify where two opposing things can be equally true, and to help you sit more comfortably in that space without needing to split to All Positive or All Negative, which can be a distressingly impossible task sometimes and it sounds like that sense of “which stance is correct” might be the main conflict you’re feeling right now.

Anyway sending you warmth and gentleness, and hope you find your path through this, because I can tell how upsetting it is to you and I do really understand.

ily and i love this /p

it’s not necessarily that i’m trash at distinguishing emotions, but that i resent feeling upset about it at all, because he’s been important to me and it feels now that knowing this is sort of,, taking him ? i feel Different and i didn’t sign up for it /lh

anyway. i really appreciate this. been trying to rationalize it (which isn’t the answer) all night. and i’m so shit at forgiving anyone, i hold grudges for my friend with amnesia because I Never Forget /lh

(also, “unless it helps you” WARMS MY HEART /g)

[riddle-me-ri]

Heyo everybody! HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

I have another wee update before the start of the new year! (and I have to pass out in order to be up and at work at 7 am rip)

First off, I just wanted to thank you guys so much for your support and for getting me out of a tough spot this last couple of weeks. A lot of stuff was going on and getting into my head. I'm getting better at it, slowly but surely…and taking it day by day.

However, there's something I kinda wanna get off my chest, in hopes that maybe it can alleviate some of my other anxieties of posting and creating content...

I've been mulling over how to make this post for a hot minute. And I think I'm ready to finally put it out there, especially in time for the new year where I have no doubt more requests will be rolling in.

I won't highlight or detail any specific requests in my inbox I have now, but I will just say I have unfortunately had to delete several requests in my inbox that I feel I wasn't able to get to or I feel like I wasn't able to fulfill properly. 

I know some of you wonder if it may or may not be yours, I don’t really wanna share the ones I didn’t do because I don’t wanna put anyone on blast (even if its anon, I don’t want anyone to feel discouraged) plus they’ve already been deleted so I couldn’t go back and find them if I tried. 

However, here’s some…I guess hints? To what type of requests may have gotten deleted? Or like what to avoid requesting me in the future? I dunno the best way to put it rip

I do ask you guys to refrain from things involving parenthood, pregnancy, or children. 

Pregnancy scares the shit out of me. I know to many it’s a beautiful natural thing, but all I can think about is the movie Alien and having some being sucking the life force out of me. I can get the appeal in some ways, but not enough to where I feel comfortable writing about it. 

I deal with kids on a fairly regular basis (I work at a pet store that some people use as a free day care) so it's hard for me to like...get in the mindset for them. I just can’t stand kids that have had zero discipline and coming home from work to try and work on a request with kids is just really difficult for me rip

I know I wrote one thing with the Riddler's being dads, and I had fun with the dialogue and the hilarious scenario, but that's as far as I want it to go.

Another type of request I’ve been struggling with, is requests dealing with mental health. I’ve gotten a couple requests for an autistic reader and I’ve tried doing research and asking around, but I’m worried that no matter how much research I do…I won’t ever be able to fully grasp it in terms of a character that has it. I can write about anxiety and depression cause I suffer from it, but I don’t wanna risk the chance of offending someone or being way off! I’d highly advise that you guys reach out to authors that are autistic and can write your neat ideas to full proper fruition! I have no doubt they’d appreciate the opportunity!  

One more thing, please when requesting, give me everything you can think of. The more suggestions, ideas, prompts, etc. you guys give me the more I can work with. 

It doesn't have to be anything crazy specific but something other than "*insert character trope* reader and riddler" would be gratefully appreciated. 

I do appreciate the creative freedom, but it’s also really easy to feel like I’m just a content engine meant to just pump something out from the bare minimum. 

I hope this helps!

 I just wanna apologize in advance to all the people who sent me a request that got deleted. The number was just getting too much for me and I wanna make room for newer requests in the future and alleviate some of the pressure of not being able to fulfill a certain idea or prompt.

Thank you guys so much for understanding, I hope you know that I still appreciate the fact so many of you trust me with your ideas but some of them I just couldn't find the inspiration for or couldn't get in a proper headspace for and just hope you guys can understand!

I love you all! Here’s to a happy new year! See you guys soon!

[mental-health-advice]

hi.. can you give me some advice, an answer, anything? i have anxiety and adhd (undiagnosed), and i always procrastinate when i receive a text. it gets so out of hand, almost constantly over almost a month, and then i panic when thinking about responding and how my friends must despise me. what is this mental block that's keeping me from talking to them, and how can i tell them about my issues with texting and self control and procrastination without scaring them away? ive already inconvenienced them so many times, and i just keep apologising over and over again. i feel guilty and afraid that my mental illnesses aren't even real and i have no excuse for my awfulness, i'm sabotaging myself and i don't know how to continue. is this my fault? (i know it is, but i can't even accept it). maybe my mind is just clouded,but thank you for giving me a space to vent here.

Hey there,

This, what you are going through with struggling to reply to txt messages that people send you is definitely not your fault and nor does it define who you really are as a person.

I think it’s really important in this situation to try to take a step back and try to think back to if there was ever any bad experiences you have had whether it was consciously or not and if this is the reasoning behind your current struggles. This may not be the case at all for you but sometimes when we struggle to do something so in your case replying to people’s txt messages, there is a reason behind it whether it be big or small.

I know that for me I too struggle to reply to people’s txt messages/ messenger messages at times as well. For me, it is a fear of being stuck in a really long conversation with them. Now, this is not because I hate or despise them, it’s just where I am at mentally at the moment and I guess isolating just a tad too much! If though I get a message from someone overseas who I know won’t reply to my message until the following early hours of the morning when I am asleep then I find it a bit easier to reply. So I guess what I am asking you is if there are any fears surrounding replying to messages or any fears of bad outcomes from happening if you were to reply.

It sounds like your friends are pretty amazing and patient with you, this is a good thing. And so perhaps just letting them know if you can that currently, you feel unable to reply to their messages but it by no means because you hate them! Is this something that you feel you may be able and comfortable enough to do? It’s OK if it’s not, this is just a suggestion!

In regards to your mental health issues, again it sounds as though you are second guessing yourself. I am wondering and encourage you to see a counsellor or a therapist and try to talk through these issues with them. There may also be an underlying issue that you aren’t even aware of that causes you such distress when you get messages and it comes to replying to them. Again, none of this is your fault and sometimes it can just be a really deep-rooted issue for why things are how they are right now!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[study-coffee-chicago]

Appendicitis (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister Imagine)

A/N: Thank you for reading! And, please don't forget to vote and comment! Sorry, this one took so long to get to you guys!

Anyway, enjoy!

Jay was a cop through and through. You knew this, he knew this. So, it didn't take a rocket scientist to notice that something was wrong. Jay had been trained in the art of picking out subtle differences in people's facial expressions. So, when he saw you grimacing in the break room of the district while you were working on your algebra homework, he knew that it wasn't an I'm struggling with a math problem grimace, but an I'm in pain grimace.

"You good?" he asked.

"Yeah," you answered, looking up from your notebook. "My stomach just hurts."

"How much have you eaten today?"

You shrugged. "Not a lot."

At this, he opened the fridge where he knew you always stuck your lunch box if you had food left in it because you didn't want it to stink when you opened it when you got back to the apartment. He frowned when he unzipped your lunch box and saw much of it was left.

All you had eaten at school today was a small pack of beef jerky and the clementines he had packed you.

Your sandwich, yogurt, celery and ranch dressing, and mini Twix bar were still sitting in there.

He walked over to you and placed the back of his hand to your forehead. "You sure it's just a stomach ache, kiddo? You barely touched your lunch."

"It made me wanna throw up," you said.

"What did?"

"Eating."

Jay widened his eyes in alarm. Will had warned him that eating disorders start in middle school and high school. "Did you eat anything weird last night or this morning that you think made you feel sick?"

"No. I think it's just cramps," you finally admitted. "But I've never felt nauseous before when I'm about to get my period."

At this, Jay visibly relaxed. He never thought he'd be this relieved to hear that his little sister was just PMS-ing. "Tell you what," he started, "how about I go get you some ibuprofen from my locker and then I give you some money and you and Hailey can go get smoothies. How does that sound? You can't do homework on an empty stomach."

You nodded. "A smoothie sounds good."

"Okay. Be right back."

When he walked out of the bullpen, he immediately motioned for Hailey to follow him, which caused Adam to smirk.

"It's nothing like that, you sicko," Jay said, which caused Adam to quickly wipe that smirk off his face.

"What's up?" Hailey asked as the two entered the locker room.

Jay opened his locker and reached up to the top shelf to grab the bottle of ibuprofen he always kept stashed in there. "Y/N's having really bad cramps right now and she doesn't want to eat anything, so I suggested that the two of you go for smoothies. That way she can talk to you because you and I both know me and Will are the last people she wants to talk to about her period."

"That's fine. But, did you talk to Voight?"

"Hailey, all we're doing is looking at cam and pod footage and we've been doing that for hours. I'm sure he wouldn't miss you for an hour. But, if you want me to tell him you're leaving to go with Y/N, I'll just say that she had a rough day and wanted to talk to you."

"And you take all the blame if I get yelled at."

"That, too," Jay agreed.

***

You walked with Hailey in the cool early April air until you finally decided to ask the inevitable. "Did Jay put you up to this?"

Hailey smiled. "I wouldn't say he put me up to this necessarily, but he did ask me to get smoothies with you. And, maybe you'd be more comfortable talking with me about it." When you didn't say anything, she figured asking a question might be a better approach. "Have you ever been nauseous before this?"

You shook your head. "I've gotten cramps before, but they haven't been this bad since I got my first period. And, I've never felt like I was gonna puke before."

"Well, you're still a kid, so it could just be that your period's trying to regulate itself. I wasn't regular with all this until I finished high school."

"Really?"

"Really." She left out the part about one time she tried to stay home because of cramps and nausea and her dad made her go to school anyway...and almost hit her with a glass he threw across the room. Yeah, she never tried skipping school because of her period again; she just dealt with it.

But, she sure as hell wasn't going to let that happen to you.

"What things helped?" you asked. "I know baths and tea and stuff like that help, but is there anything else?"

"Heating pads help a lot," she told you. "Especially if you're trying to go to bed and your cramps are really bad. Pain relievers are your best friend. And, I know you don't drink coffee yet, but when you do, lay off it when you start getting cramps. At least for me, they make cramps worse. Oh, and if you're nauseous and haven't eaten anything all day, figure out something you can stomach like a smoothie or juice or something like that just so you have something in your system."

"Okay. Can we get those little smoothies in a bottle on our way back?" you asked. "That way I can have something to put in my lunch tomorrow."

"That sounds like a great idea."

***

The two of you arrived back at the district, both holding large smoothies and a small plastic bag from the gas station containing two prepackaged smoothies.

"They went on a food run? Without asking any of us what we wanted?" Adam whined.

"Sorry, girls only," Hailey told him. At the time that they were leaving, Kim had gone with some officers to take a statement, so it had truly been a girls-only trip.

"We got a lead!" Voight yelled. "Halstead, Upton with me. Ruzek and Atwater, you'll meet Kim. She's already en route. I'll explain more on the way." He thumbed over his shoulder at you, signaling whatever it was that he had to say, was not suitable for your early-teenage ears.

Jay quickly walked up to you. "I left the bottle of ibuprofen on the table. If I'm not back in four hours, you can take one more. Latest I'll be back is--"

"Ten o'clock. I know. And if I need anything, Trudy's downstairs," you repeated what he had been telling you for years.

"And Will gets off at eight, so if you're tired, just call him and I'm sure he can pick you up."

You nodded. "Be safe."

***

"Halstead!" Trudy barked when Intelligence walked inside at 9:30 later that night.

"Uh, oh. Somebody's in trouble," Adam sang in a sing-song voice.

"Shut it, Ruzek. Or I'm done helping you file paperwork. Oh, and be quiet when you go upstairs. Y/N fell asleep almost an hour ago," Trudy told him sternly.

"Copy that," Hailey said and started to ascend the staircase into Intelligence while Jay stayed downstairs to talk to Trudy.

"What do you need, Sarge?" Jay asked as he walked up to the desk.

"I need you to invest in a blanket and pillow to keep in your locker if Y/N's gonna be here late. I swore she was going to freeze to death if I hadn't gone up and checked on her and then grabbed her a blanket from our in-case-of-emergencies room."

"We have a room for that?"

"Well, you might not. But I do. I've suffered through enough blackouts in this building to not be prepared."

"Alright. I'll be sure to bring some here."

"You better. Or else I'm taking money out of your paycheck and buying them myself. And they won't be the cheap ones, either."

Then she turned around to sort through some paperwork in the back, leaving Jay to make a mental note to get a blanket and a pillow to keep here or face the wrath of Sergeant Trudy Platt.

When Jay walked up the stairs, he was met with the cutest sight: Hailey packing up your notebook and the rest of your stuff as quietly as she could.

She quickly turned when she heard footsteps and put a finger to her lips. Then she pointed to Jay and then to you and then to herself and your backpack. She'd carry your backpack and everything, but Jay had to wake you up.

Jay quickly grabbed his keys and tossed them to Hailey so she could go start his truck. Then, he crouched down next to the couch in the breakroom.

He touched your shoulder gently. "Wake up, Short Stack."

"Mhm. Wanna stay here. Cozy," you mumbled without opening your eyes.

"I know how comfortable that couch gets after long nights, but I'm sure your bed would be much better. Hailey's got your backpack and is getting my truck, so all you've gotta do is make it there and then you can go right back to sleep."

"Mhm. Okay."

Half an hour later, you were dressed in your warmest pajamas and sleeping soundly in your bed. luckily for you, ibuprofen had worked wonders so you could sleep peacefully.

***

You were currently in the bathroom between classes gripping onto the handicapped assistance bar in the handicapped stall and trying to stop from crying. Despite taking ibuprofen before school and then sneakily taking one two hours ago, you were in an immense amount of pain. Your cramps had never been this bad! Not even on your first period.

You heard the late bell and that was when you realized you weren't even going to try going to class. You felt like somebody was stabbing your insides. And, you also felt like the two smoothies you drank today were going to come up any second.

You held back tears as you opened your phone and scrolled through it to find Jay's contact.

"Jay," you whined the minute he picked up the phone.

"Y/N, aren't you supposed to be in class?" he asked.

"Yeah, but my stomach hurts really bad and I think I'm gonna throw up. Can you pick me up?"

"Y/N, I'm not gonna come and take you out of school just because of your period."

"Please?" you pleaded. "Just this once. It hurts really bad. Please."

You heard Jay sigh on the other end. He could hear the pain in your voice and he couldn't just let you suffer through the second half of the school day. You wouldn't get much out of the rest of the day if you stayed there when you felt like shit anyway. "Fine," he agreed. "I'll call your teachers and see if they can give you the work to take home with you. But, just this once, okay? This can't become a thing that happens all the time."

"Okay."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes. Love you."

"Love you, too," you said and then hung up the phone.

***

Twenty-two minutes later, you were sitting in the back of Jay's truck with your head leaning against the window and your eyes closed. You opened your mouth and started to breathe through your mouth.

"You okay back there?" Jay asked as he quickly took a look at you through the rearview mirror.

You shook your head. "Feel like I'm gonna puke."

"So, I guess that's a no for me putting my sirens on to get us home faster."

"No sirens," you agreed.

The motion of the truck moving was enough to make you throw up as it was, so you knew if Jay started driving like a madman, you would definitely throw up.

You quickly rolled down the window. But, all you did was dry heave. So, you rolled the window back up and returned to your previous position.

"I'm sorry, kiddo," Jay said. "We're almost home. And then I'll fill up the bathtub with warm water while you lay down and I'll even add one of those bath bombs you like." You looked at him and raised your eyebrow as much as you could. "Hailey told me a bath might help."

You nodded as Jay continued driving, trying not to make too many evasive maneuvers because he didn't want you throwing up.

***

"You want anything to eat?" Jay asked an hour and a half later when you walked into the kitchen rubbing your eyes after getting out of the bathtub. You shook your head. "C'mon. You should eat something. Maybe some crackers?"

"Do we have cheesy ones?" you asked.

"I think Hailey picked up some Goldfish when she went to the store the other day. I don't think she'd mind if you had some. You want those?"

"Uh-huh," you said.

You made yourself comfortable on the couch while Jay filled a bowl with Goldfish and then grabbed a can of ginger ale from the fridge.

"Can you put on NCIS: Los Angeles?" you asked when he handed you your snack.

"Sure. But I want you to try and get some sleep."

"Okay," you agreed and ate a few Goldfish.

After Jay turned on the tv show you wanted, he made his way into his room to get updates about the case from Hailey and maybe provide some insight.

By the time he left his room twenty minutes later, you were curled up in a fetal position and fast asleep on the couch.

***

You woke up to Jay loudly shushing someone.

"She's sleeping right there, dude!" he whispered yelling.

"Sorry."

Why was Will here? It was just period cramps, nothing really that he needed to be that worried about. So, you rubbed your eyes and got up.

"Hey, kiddo," Will said. "Jay said you're cramping pretty bad?"

"Why do you have to tell the entire world that I'm on my period? Really, Jay?" you huffed and put a hand on your hip, something you had learned from Hailey because she did the same thing when she was frustrated with Jay.

"I just called him to ask what you should eat that wouldn't make you hurt worse. I was trying to help," he protested.

"Oh." That was actually really nice of him.

"And, I knew I couldn't trust Jay to go to the grocery store by himself, so I just brought over a few snacks." The minute Will finished talking, Jay smacked him upside the head. "Ow!" Will exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"I'll have you know that if I left all the grocery shopping to Hailey, we'd probably only have Nutella, Goldfish, croissants, and fancy cheese in this house. I'm the one getting all the healthy stuff like fruits and vegetables and other things," Jay said.

"Well, I'm glad you're getting all your vitamins and minerals, but I didn't come here to argue about grocery shopping." He handed the bag to you and you peeked inside. "Those little Babybel cheese things for calcium, chicken jerky and beef jerky for protein and iron, and dark chocolate for magnesium. And, don't eat the beef jerky if you're cramping really bad because those release prostaglandins which can make cramps worse," Will explained.

"Don't know what those are, but okay," you said and started unloading the bag onto the table. There was a box of ginger tea as well.

"Oh, yeah," Will said. "That helps with cramps."

Jay reached for the pack of cheese and you quickly smacked his hand away.

"What? I just wanted one!"

"No uterus, none of these snacks."

Will burst out laughing at your comment and you quickly picked up the bag of mini cheese wheels and the chocolate bar.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go eat my snacks and watch a movie in my room." You turned around, but then quickly turned back around and grabbed the rest of the groceries. "I don't trust you with the jerky."

***

You woke up in the middle of the night to the worst cramps you'd ever had in your life. You knew you needed more ibuprofen and you needed it now.

So, you sat up and went to get up off of your bed, but you quickly doubled over and bit your lip at the pain.

"Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh," you said quietly. But you knew you needed this to stop and the only way for that to happen was for you to get in the kitchen and take the pain pills.

You took a deep breath and stood up. Maybe you stood up too fast, you really didn't know, but within a few seconds, you had fallen to the floor from dizziness. You gripped your stomach where it hurt, hoping to put enough pressure on it so that it would stop...which wasn't a good idea.

You cried out in pain.

***

Jay and Hailey were sleeping soundly when Jay heard a thud and shot up in bed. Then, he heard you yell.

"Shit," he muttered and quickly ran over to the safe where he kept his gun locked up.

"Jay? What's going on?" Hailey asked as she saw her husband fiddling with the dial on the safe.

"I heard a thud and then Y/N yelling. Stay here. I'm going to check it out."

She jumped out of bed. "No way in hell am I letting you go out there alone."

Jay knew better than to argue with his wife, so he just handed her her gun. "Fine. But stay behind me."

***

Tears rolled down your face as you threw up on your bedroom carpet and on yourself. You didn't even have the energy to wipe it from your mouth as the pain in your abdomen was so bad.

"Shit," you heard someone say.

And within three seconds, Jay had handed his gun to Hailey and quickly crouched down next to you.

"What happened? Did you fall out of bed?" he asked.

"Stomach. It- It hurts so bad." You started to dry heave again and Jay pushed himself back just in time to not get puked on.

"I'm gonna go get towels and a bowl," Hailey said and rushed out of your bedroom.

"Do you think you can get up and get to the bathroom?" Jay asked.

"No. Hurts to- to move." Then, you got a painful stabbing sensation in your abdomen and screamed out.

"Okay, okay. Where does it hurt?"

Tears rolled down your cheeks as you moved and pointed to the lower left side of your abdomen.

"Shit," Jay muttered. He knew that was where the appendix was located.

Then, Hailey came back into the bathroom with towels and a bowl.

"Hails, can you clean her up? I need to go get my phone to call Will," he said quickly.

Hailey nodded and started wiping your face. "It's okay, Y/N. It's okay," she told you soothingly. "We're gonna figure this out and get you feeling better real soon, okay?"

All you could manage to do was give her a minuscule nod.

Jay sprinted back into your bedroom and crouched down next to you and quickly put Will on speaker.

"I need you to check to see if her appendix is swollen and red," Will instructed through the phone. "Touch it gently to see if it feels tender."

"Got it," Jay said and he quickly began talking to you. "Y/N, I need to lift up the waistband of your pajamas a bit to see what your belly looks like."

You shook your head quickly, which was not a good idea as another wave of nausea rolled through you and you quickly reached for the bowl and began heaving bile into it.

Once you were finished and mustered up enough energy, you said slowly, "Let...Hailey...do it."

Hailey quickly turned to Jay and nodded and he moved out of the way. Then, she gently lifted up your waistband and took a peek at the lower left side of your belly where your appendix was located. Then, she put your waistband back in place. "Y/N, I'm really sorry, but I have to touch your belly to see if it's tender."

"No!" you wailed with tears running down your face.

"I know, I know. And I'm sorry," Hailey apologized.

"Think of it this way. The quicker she does this, the quicker we can get you to the hospital and get you feeling better."

"Mister Fluffles?" you asked, referring to the teddy bear Jay had gotten you when he finally got his shit back together when he returned home from Afghanistan.

"Yeah, we can bring him to the hospital. I'll make sure he gets to you, okay?" Jay promised.

You nodded and took a deep breath and then Hailey gently put a bit of pressure where your appendix was located, which caused you to cry out.

Jay couldn't take hearing you like this, so he chose that exact moment to go grab Mr. Fluffles, who was laying in your bed.

"Was that her?" Will asked frantically.

"Yeah, I just--"

"We're bringing her in," Jay said quickly, cutting Will off.

"I'll meet you there," he said and then quickly ended the call.

"How do you want to do this?" Hailey asked. "She can barely move, Jay."

"You get the keys and pull the truck up front and then I'll carry her downstairs."

"No!" you cried out again. You knew the movement was going to make you sick.

Jay shot a glance at Hailey and nodded to her, silently telling her to get the truck and that he'd take it from here.

"I know it hurts to move, kiddo. I know. But, we gotta get you to a hospital so they can make it better." He put Mr. Fluffles into your shaking hands. "Hold him and squeeze him as tight as you can. And on the count of three, I'm gonna pick you up." He paused for a second so that you could mentally prepare yourself. "One."

He wasted no time in picking you up after just saying the number one.

You cried out in pain again as Jay sprinted out of your room with you in his arms.

"I know, I know," he said soothingly as you continued to cry. "We're almost to the truck and then we're gonna get you to the hospital. You just gotta hold on a little bit longer."

"It...hurts!"

Jay had made it out of the apartment and for a brief moment he debated talking the elevator down two floors so you wouldn't feel him running down the stairs, but he knew that would take too long. "I'm sorry," he told you as he opened the door to the stairwell.

As Jay sprinted down the stairs, your painful whimpers could be heard with every step he took.

When he finally got outside, he saw that Hailey had already opened the backseat.

"Drive!" he yelled as soon as he and you were in the backseat and the door was shut.

Hailey flicked on the sirens and started speeding down the road toward Chicago Med.

***

"He's not coming?" you whimpered sadly while you were at the park with Will. It was your sixth birthday and Jay was supposed to be coming. You hadn't seen him in a long, long time!

"I'm sorry, kiddo. He just called and said he wouldn't be able to make it," Will told you as he crouched down to your level. "How about I push you really high on the swings and then me and you can go get breakfast for dinner? I'll even let you get dessert."

The plan had been for Jay to meet you at the park and then for Jay and Will to spend the day with you, since they didn't see you all that often. You were mostly with your dad and you missed your brothers because Will was in med school in this fancy place called New York and Jay, well, Jay just never came to see you and it made you sad.

"Okay," you said sadly and started to walk over to the swings.

***

"I cannot fucking believe you!" Will yelled into his phone later that night. "We were supposed to spend the day together, but instead I get a call from Mouse saying you were drunk off your ass and got into a bar fight!"

"In my defense--"

"None of your in my defense bullshit, Jay! Y/N was so sad that you couldn't come. Did you even remember it was her birthday?"

Jay scoffed. "Of course I did! I even got her a bear. I'll just bring it to her tomorrow."

"No. No, you won't," Will ordered. "She's already lost Mom. She doesn't need you coming back and giving her false hopes. You need to get your shit together before you see her. I know I can't stop you from seeing her when I'm at med school, but I can tell dad what's going on. He's already not too fond of you, Jay."

"Will--"

"Goodnight, Jay."

***

Four months later

"Jay!" you yelled as you sprinted up the beach toward him.

"Hey, kiddo!" He quickly crouched down to your level to give you a hug. "You ready to go swimming?"

"Yeah! C'mon, Jay Jay!" you quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the beach.

***

"You sure you're good to watch her tonight?" Will asked as you splashed around in the water.

"The max I've drank in four months is two beers," Jay promised. "And, there's no alcohol at my apartment right now so I'll be all there for Y/N tonight."

"I'm proud of you," Will told him. "For getting your shit together. Now keep it that way."

"I will. And that's a promise."

Later that night, Jay gave you a teddy bear in a blue tutu. He called it a belated birthday present...whatever that meant. And, he told you that if there ever came a time where he couldn't be with you physically, that he'd always be with you here. Then, he took one of his dog tags and put it around the teddy bear's neck (later in the night you decided on naming him Mr. Fluffles). He promised you one more time that he'd be there for you and then the two of you watched a movie. You fell asleep halfway through with your head resting against your big brother's chest and Mr. Fluffles tucked under your arm.

***

You slowly opened your eyes and squinted at the bright white lights above you. You groaned as you felt lightheaded.

"Hey, kiddo," Will said and stood up and hit the nurse's call button. "How you feeling?"

"Lightheaded," you answered. "Like I'm floating."

"That's normal until the anesthesia wears off. Then you'll be in some discomfort."

You groaned and then tried to sit up, which Will quickly stopped you from.

"You drive really fast, Hailey," you said. "Maybe even faster than Jay."

Jay laughed. "Yeah, right. How about you go back to sleep? That might help you feel better." He came up to your bed and handed you Mr. Fluffles. "He might help you feel better, too."

"I had a weird dream," you said. "Will was yelling at Jay and then he gave me Mr. Fluffles later."

Will and Jay shared a brief look that you didn't catch. They wondered how you knew that Will had yelled at Jay before he could see you again.

"Sometimes you have weird dreams when you're under," Will explained. "Now go to sleep."

"One more thing." You paused and Will, Jay, and Hailey looked at you expectantly. "This wasn't cramps? So they won't hurt this bad anymore?"

"They had to take your appendix out," Will explained. "So, no, it wasn't cramps and they won't ever feel this bad again."

"Okay, good."

You yawned and fell back to sleep, grateful that you'd never have to be in that much pain again.

A/N: Sorry this one took forever to get out, but I hope you liked it! Also, don't forget to reblog and comment and thank you for reading! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

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[annesthaeticc]

Sweet November | Dr Strange x Fem!Reader

Sweet November : Chapter Seven-November 15

| Series Summary: “One month.” Stephen said, his gaze intense. He raised his hand, offered it for you to shake. “One month.” you agreed, and shook his hand. The sign of a closed deal. Then he smiled at you, and from that instant, you realized, you just broke rule number one; no falling in love.

| Chapter Warnings: fluff to make up for the angst last chapter!! and some domestic stephen cause i love a good malewife

| Word Count: 2813 words

| A/N: hello hello! how are you! hope you enjoy this chapter! sending you some much needed love, anne 😘

“Flowers.” 

“What?” Stephen asked as he was pulled back into reality by Billy. 

Said man was sitting right across from him. He was busy encoding something and Stephen was lying on the couch, his hand absently flipping and twisting his phone. 

“Send her flowers, or better, give her flowers,” Billy suggested, eyes still trained on the screen. 

“How is that any different?” Stephen replied and sat up. He ran his fingers through his hair, probably for the hundredth time that day. 

"And why would I do that anyway?"

"Because she's not calling you back." Billy chuckled and finally looked at his boss. 

It had been three days. Three long days since Stephen saw you. And the last time you did, he feared you walked out on him for good. Sure he could survive a few days without seeing you, without even thinking about you. But that was then. 

Now, it's different. 

He struggled to understand why you were in his mind. Constantly reminding him how this mess was all but his fault, that always led him to thinking, he must do something. He needs to do something. 

So he tried calling you and God only knows how many missed calls and voicemails he sent you. After his surgery the other day, the very first thing he looked for was his phone to check if you called back. But you didn't. 

You were giving him the silent treatment, something he had experienced before, yet this time, he wasn't backing down and letting you go without another word said between you. 

"She told me," Billy said. 

"What?"

"Oh you're on form today, you keep zoning out," 

"Oh fuck off," 

"That's the spirit!" Billy cheered and laughed. Stephen, on the other hand, was not pleased at all. 

"Uhm, when I called the other night to check up on her, she told me most of it," Billy said, clearing his throat. 

"You really messed up this time, boss." 

"I know! I just— I didn't mean it! I said that because Evans got her number and I didn't know what the fuck was I gonna do with that," Stephen rambled, not stopping for breath. 

"Whoa whoa whoa, you were jealous of Dr. Evans?" Billy asked and Stephen groaned. 

He sat back on the couch, bowed his head and sighed. The fuck was I supposed to answer to that? Stephen thought. He stared at the tiled floor, his eyes following the lines of the marble, thoughts still buzzing in his head. Should he follow Billy’s advice? And why would he? It’s not like him to chase after the girl, beg, and look desperate, but something inside him makes him want to. 

He wants you back. Even if that needs him to grovel and be on his knees. 

“Do I have anything scheduled this afternoon?” he suddenly asked and stood up, making his way to his office. 

“Uh, just a department meeting.” Billy replied, looking at the calendar. 

“Tell Ray I’m unavailable.” he said before closing the door behind him. 

The next time Billy saw his boss, he was dressed, ready to leave; bag slung on his shoulder, lab jacket tucked on the crook of his arm. The assistant smiled to himself, basking in silent triumph. 

“Why are you smiling like that?” Stephen asked as he clicked the door open, ready to step out of his office. 

“You’re buying her flowers,” Billy teased. 

“No, I’m buying and giving her flowers.” 

“Huh, so you’re going to visit her. Do you know where she is right now?” Billy challenged him. 

“I know exactly where, now shut up before I cut off your bonus completely,” 

“I think you should give me a raise, Stephen. My dating advice needs to be compensated.” 

“Nice try.” Stephen finally said and left. 

Next thing he knew, he was holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand, waiting for you to come out of the building. He leaned against his parked car, the delicate bunch of flowers was in his right hand. He watched the school doors open, the children piling out and running down the steps. 

He raised his wrist to check the time and he cleared his throat. His saliva kept on getting stuck by his throat, a sign that he’s uncomfortable and nervous. He doesn’t get nervous, never. Not even during the most complicated surgeries. He carried himself in confidence and built himself to be tough. 

But this simple act of waiting for you outside of the daycare where you volunteer, a bouquet in his hand, and an apology at the tip of his tongue makes him nervous. Stephen knew himself completely, but the moment you entered his life, he started to doubt that. 

He was different man around you, and that scares the fuck out of him. 

“What are you doing here?” he heard the familiar tone of your voice; sweet yet there’s an underlying menace in it. It shook him out of his reverie and he stood up straight. 

“You weren’t answering my calls.” he simply replied and watched you as your brows deepened. 

You tutted and looked away before saying, “That was a clear and sure sign that I was avoiding you and I don’t want to talk to you, Stephen.”

“Well that ends now,” he replied, the words out of his lips before he knew it. He heard you scoff and instantly regretted it. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. Diana, Diana!” he chased you down the street as you angrily stomped down the pavement. 

You dodged the look from strangers as Stephen followed you. Silently fuming, you started to practice your breathing as you quickly walked down the path that leads you home. 

He caught up with you, and walked beside you. You didn’t dare to look at him. He was apologizing, flowers still in his hand. You looked ahead, maintaining a stony facade. You feared that if you gave him the slightest glance, you would break down, accept his apology and move on from the misunderstanding. 

“Why do you even bother, Stephen? You made it a clear point that we’re not dating and I’m not that important to you, so why? Why do this?” you sighed as you stopped in front of the steps of your apartment building. 

“Because I need you, Diana.” 

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do.” 

“You don’t fucking need me, Stephen.” 

“Yes, I do, Diana.” he sternly said, hoping you’d believe him. 

“You need me because you need a pretend girlfriend? Is that it? Flash news, Doctor Strange, you can look for another girl—”

“I need you, Diana. I just do. Whatever arrangement we have, I need you and I want you back,” he said and you stood there, eyes wide in shock. 

“I know you don’t believe me, I don’t believe it myself. The point is, I’m sorry and I need you, please? I don’t expect you to do anything right now, but here, at least take the flowers,” he offered the bouquet to you and you gingerly accepted them. 

It looked so pretty and fragile. 

You nodded and took a step, ready to enter your building. But as you planted your foot on the second step, you turned back and said to him, “Do you want to come up?” 

Stephen gave you a smile and you couldn’t help but do the same. You swear, his smile is infectious yet rare. If he did it more often, you’d have more smile lines. 

The two of you silently made your way to your place. You instructed him to keep his shoes by the door and he quietly acquiesced. You proceeded to your kitchen to find a vase for the bouquet, quickly spotting your mom’s antique that you only used once. 

“Shit,” you quietly muttered to yourself as you looked at the contents of your fridge. A few beer bottles. A carton of eggs. Milk. A container of grapes. A bottle of maple syrup. It dawned on you that your fridge looks so sad. 

“What’s wrong?” Stephen looked up curiously and started to make his way to the kitchen. 

“I have nothing to feed you,” you sighed and pulled two bottles of beer. You offered him the other bottle and he nodded in agreement. 

“Don’t bother, it’s fine.” he said and took a quick sip of his drink. 

You continued to rummage through your cabinets, in hopes of whipping up something. “Fuck it, let’s have breakfast for dinner,” you said, pulling out a box of flour before closing the cabinet. Stephen, who was sitting on the breakfast stool, quickly leapt up and offered you help. 

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want you to ruin your shirt,” you said as you started gathering the ingredients. 

“We’re not ruining my shirt, we’re just making pancakes,” he rolled up the sleeves of his turtleneck up to his elbows and you had to stop yourself from gawking at him. 

After you expertly poured the ingredients to the bowl, he slid the bowl up to him. You just lost your chance to mix it all together as he gripped the whisk in his hand. Before you knew it, you were looking, really looking at him. Your eyes were trained on his arms, his hands. It was hypnotizing, and you wondered what his arms and hands could do other than expertly mix pancake batter. 

He caught you looking and smirked, and he just knew how to make you snap out of it. He dipped his finger in the batter and wiped it on the tip of your nose, the sudden contact breaking you out of your trance. Stephen saw you cross your eyes and a chuckle escaped his lips, he set aside the bowl and bent down so that you were face to face. 

“You were staring,” he said, slowly leaning close to you. 

“How could I not?” you whispered. Your eyes met for a second and you watched as his gaze started to travel down from your eyes to your lips. 

“You’re staring,” you said, his lips curling into a smirk. 

“How could I not? Besides, it’s all I could do for now,” he replied. 

You raised your brow for a moment and an idea struck you. You swiped off the batter from the tip of your nose, and slipped it into your mouth, putting on a show. He took in the scene and he couldn’t help but part his lips to suck in a breath. You even closed your eyes, eyelashes fanned against your cheek. 

He could’ve backed you into the counter behind you and kissed you hard, just like what he did the other night. And remind you that it’s best you don’t tease him like that, especially with your complicated arrangement. 

When you opened your eyes, his eyes were on you, except this time, you could only see dark blue rings surrounding his pupils. Stephen wanted to tell you that your eyes looked just the same as his, darkened by desire. 

“How does it taste?” he asked to distract, slowly standing up straighter. 

“Like an uncooked pancake. Good job,” you replied with a smile and he laughed. 

He helped you cook, insisting that he should. Every now and then, the two of you would play with the batter, at one point his shirt got stained and you offered to give it a quick spin in the washer. It was a good thing it happened after the batch of pancakes finished cooking, otherwise you would have burned your hand, looking at his toned back as he slipped off his shirt. 

You quickly excused yourself to grab a spare shirt from your room and load his shirt in the washer. You found him sitting on your couch, shirtless, setting two plates of pancakes on the coffee table. You couldn’t help it but smile, and silently wish that you could relive this scene every night. 

He curiously looked at you when you passed him a black t-shirt and you rolled your eyes, “It was my step-brother’s,” you explained. “Was?” he asked and you nodded. 

“Car accident,” you said as you sat on the carpet. He nodded and quickly slipped on the shirt. 

You were on your third bite of fluffy goodness when he suddenly asked, “You know, I never got to ask what you’re studying.” You smiled and tucked the stray piece of hair behind your ear. 

“Masters in counseling, specializing in art therapy,” you said and he hummed. “That explains the books, and the paintings.” 

Your eyes followed his, trailing towards the canvases; some blank and some painted, some were halfway through, the bottles of paint, and the brushed. “Can I tell you something?” you asked him and shoved a forkful into your mouth. He nodded and did the same. 

“I really want to be a painter, an artist. And not just paint, I want it as my career, have my works hung in galleries and in museums, all the works, you know? But I’m happy with what I do for now, psychology and art, it’s pretty cool,” you said. 

“But do you love what you do?” he asked you and you answered him with your eyes trained on his, “I do… sometimes.” 

“Sometimes?” he probed and you hummed, “Yeah, I easily enjoy and love what I do but sometimes, I want more.” 

“If you want more, then you’ll have more. You’ll just have to wait it out and work it out, I guess,” he said distractedly. You agreed and finished the last remnants in your plate. 

The clock struck nine when the two of you finished eating and cleaning up. You let him settle on the sofa as you comfortably stretched out on the carpet. You turned on the tv to choose a film as your background noise, Stephen not minding your choice at all. 

“Do you mind if I ignore you for a bit? I just need to scan my notes real quick, I have a quick test tomorrow,” you confessed, slightly turning to see him reclining on your sofa. 

“Not at all, go ahead.” he replied with a smile. 

“You can leave if you’re bored, I don’t mind,” you suggested. 

“Do you want me to leave?” 

“No.” you admitted, your voice small. 

“Then I won’t leave. Just do what you have to do, I’m sure I can entertain myself for an hour or two.” The two of you exchanged a smile before you turned to your book. 

The sofa silently squeaked as Stephen shuffled again, so you closed your book and said, “Come here.” He sighed and let himself crawl down the sofa, you planted a pillow on your lap, hoping he’d get the hint. Lucky for you, he did. He let out a breath of relief, stretching his legs fully, his head resting on the pillow on your lap. Nothing was said, the silence of the room was filled by the tv show you put on. 

He was on the verge of sleep, hypnotized and lulled by what you were doing to his hair. His hand drifted upwards to his hair only to find it in little braids. “I’m sorry!” you chuckled and quickly started to undo the braids. He laughed and assured you it was all fine. 

“You’re being too agreeable tonight, Stephen. Are you sure you’re not sick?” 

“I’m fine, thank you.” he snapped his eyes open to see you smiling down at him. 

“Can I ask you something?” he asked you and you nodded. 

“When I said all those words, things that weren't true and I didn’t mean, you believed it easily. But when I told you the things I told you early this evening, you didn’t believe me. Why is that?” 

“Because it’s easier to believe a lie, Stephen,” you said, “and it’s all I’ve ever known.” 

He sat up and sat next to you, your thighs lightly touching. Your bodies instinctively leaned in towards each other, slowly meeting in the middle, but before your lips could meet, before you could get a taste of a sweet kiss from his lips, a loud ringtone broke out, echoing against the walls. 

“You really should get that,” you chuckled and drew away from him. 

He pulled his phone out his pocket and read the message and checked the missed call. “Everything okay?” you asked as he stood up. You followed suit and watched him gather his things. 

“They need me for an emergency surgery. I’m sorry I have to leave,” he explained as he slipped on his coat. 

“It’s okay.” you quickly reassured him and opened the door as he started lacing his shoes. You held the door open for him, understanding he had to leave, ready for him to leave. 

You expected him to cross the door and leave altogether but he leant down and kissed your temple. When he took a step back, he said, “I’ll see you.” and parted from you with a wink.

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[searidings]

hi, i just love you and your writing

can i suggest something - you are in love (taylor swift) and supercorp

i cannot listen to that song without going yeah, that's them

(also on ao3 if you prefer)

Five years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, five years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which is as close as Lena's come to happiness since she'd woken up ziptied to a chair in her brother's office. This moment which, despite the fuzzy feeling of her unbrushed teeth and the pungent aroma of burnt toast filling the air, is perfect.

Kara, bed-warm and sleep-heavy, is gazing beseechingly down at the charred remains of a slice of a bread as though if she only pouts hard enough, its edges will un-blacken and its corners will stop smoking.

“I'm so sorry,” she says as Lena rounds the screen separating Kara's bedroom from the rest of the apartment and perches herself on a barstool, tugging her borrowed sleep shorts a little lower down her thighs.

Kara's tone is mournful, her face so forlorn she looks to be one deep breath away from tears. “I wanted breakfast to be perfect, since it's your first time staying over and if it's terrible you might not want to stay again and I, I really want you to stay again, but I don't know why you would since you probably have a private chef waiting for you at home and I can’t even manage toast—”

��Kara,” Lena interrupts, biting at the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Kara's bottom lip trembles. “It's fine, really. I once set fire to my dorm kitchen trying to boil an egg. And besides,” she winks as blue eyes meet hers. “I like to give my personal chef the weekends off.”

Kara huffs out a relieved chuckle, her face brightening. “Oh, well, in that case,” she grins, a sparkle returning to her eyes. “I'd better feed you up before you go home. Never let it be said that I don't look after you.”

Lena can't help the smile that pulls at her as the warm bright feeling in her chest grows and grows. She tugs the sleeves of Kara's sweatshirt over her hands, fighting the urge to fidget as the blonde orders a frankly obscene amount of food from the brunch place on the corner.

She feels exposed like this, face bare and hair sleep-mussed, unshowered with unbrushed teeth, huddled inside borrowed clothes after the impromptu invitation to stay over when last night's movie marathon ran late. It's a far cry from the regimented composure she fights so hard every day to project, and something in her chest twists anxiously.

Kara is a reporter, after all, and National City really doesn't need any more reasons to hate Lena right now. The darkest corner of her mind – the one which has been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to come crashing down ever since the whirlwind of Kara's too-good-to-be-true friendship had come blazing into her life – still worries that this may all be an elaborate ruse. A trap, a way to get close to her in order to assess her weaknesses, to bring her down with an inside scoop.

But in their six months of friendship, Kara's never given her any reason to believe she has any kind of ulterior motive. And despite the suspicions and anxieties hammered into her by a lifetime of hurt, Lena knows now that even if this is a trap, she'll take the bait willingly. Especially if it means Kara will keep looking at her like there might just be something in Lena that's worth her time.

"Hey,” the blonde says gently, leaning back against the counter opposite and pinning Lena with a searching look. “You okay? You kind of zoned out on me there.”

Lena jumps, blinking back into herself with a start. “Yes, sorry. I was miles away.”

The blonde only smiles, flicking on the coffee machine at her elbow. “You sleep okay?”

“Very well, thank you,” Lena answers, fighting to lessen the formality of her tone, to soften the edges her harsh childhood had sharpened into a fortress to keep the world at bay. “Your bed is surprisingly comfortable. I had a great night's sleep.”

"Perhaps the company had something to do with it,” Kara winks as she turns to pull two mugs down from the hooks at her shoulder. Lena thinks back to the smell of Kara's sheets and the soft pulls of her breathing, to the warmth of Kara's ankle against her calf and the strong fingers that had wrapped themselves in the sleeve of Lena's sweatshirt in sleep, anchoring them together. She blushes.

Kara only smirks, pouring their drinks and grabbing the milk from the fridge. “Well, the food's all ordered, it should be here soon,” she says over her shoulder, the waterfall of her golden ponytail mesmerising in the bright rays of morning light filtering in through the vaulted windows. “And you don't need to head off in a hurry, unless you have plans—?”

She glances back at Lena, who shakes her head. “Great!” she grins. “’Cause I was thinking, maybe we could check out the botanical gardens, since it's such a nice day? Oh, and there's a new bakery right across the street that I've been dying to try—”

Lena listens to the blonde's excited rambling with an endeared smile plastered to her face, feeling happy and warm and wanted with every fibre of her being. The feeling is new but so welcome she could cry, and Lena wonders – not for the first time – how she ever got so lucky.

Kara's presence in her life is like sugar in her coffee; meant only to sweeten that which has always been bitter.

Lena's always taken her coffee black. Softening the blow was never much her style.

But here, now, perched at Kara's breakfast bar with her hands wrapped around a steaming mug the blonde has brewed to perfection, sunlight streaming in and highlighting the angles and planes of Kara's face, the way she’s smiling at Lena like there's nowhere else in the world she'd rather be, she realises her reasoning is twofold.

Sugar isn't just appetising. It's addictive. And now that Lena's had a taste of sweetness, she's hooked.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

-

Four years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, four years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which may well be one of the lowest of Lena's life. And she's had some doozies.

The two bottles of wine she'd managed to mainline between Sam leaving to orchestrate damage control at L-Corp and Kara arriving and attempting to confiscate her glass have well and truly caught up to her now. She sways heavily on her stool, the room spinning. Tears sting her vision and guilt scorches her throat as she presses a hand over her eyes so she won't have to look at Kara's face anymore.

“Please, just— just, stop believing in me, okay?” she slurs, heart full to shattering with the faces of lead-poisoned children. “I am not worth it.”

She hears Kara sigh, and the room falls silent for a long long time. Lena drops her head fully into her hands, fighting the nausea that's taken root in the pit of her stomach. It could be the booze that's causing it, of course, but it could also be the incessant headlines baying for her blood, the bullet James had taken for her that she'd fully deserved, the curse of her family finally fulfilling itself.

The guilt, the worry, the crushing disappointment of the knowledge that despite her very best efforts, she'll never be anything but a monster— it's too much to feel. It's too much to bear.

So, Lena drinks.

She drains her glass. She pours another. Kara watches, silent and disapproving, fingers twitching against the granite countertop between them.

Lena finishes her glass. Splashes the last dregs of the bottle into it, blood on ice. Still Kara watches, motionless and mute. It's only when Lena's swallowed the last of the red and is lurching unsteadily to her feet to source another that she moves, a hand reaching out to encircle her wrist.

Shame ignites beneath her skin and she pushes Kara away. Snaps at her to go home, to learn to recognise a lost cause when she sees one and just give up already. Kara refuses with a stoic shake of her head, and Lena sighs.

They repeat the same routine three times en route to Sam's wine rack, the blonde shadowing her every step. Each time, Lena wobbles, head fuzzy and room spinning. Each time, Kara steadies her, and Lena flinches from her touch like her palm is a brand, snarls at her to leave, to cut her losses, to just fuck off. Each time, Kara refuses.

She eventually retrieves the wine after a number of unsuccessful attempts but overbalances on her toes, bottle slipping from her grip as she sways dangerously. And then Kara is there, glass bottle caught a split second before it can shatter, a firm arm at her waist that will not be rebuffed.

Lena struggles, shoving and protesting, but this time Kara does not give in. “Enough,” she says quietly, firmly, blue eyes burning a mere inch from Lena's own. “Lena, enough.”

Lena's unsteady legs buckle further and Kara’s basically holding her up now, walking her slowly over to the couch and she shouldn't be this strong, surely, shouldn't be lifting Lena onto the cushions quite this easily. But it's such a minor concern when weighted against the fact that Lena is personally responsible for the hospitalisation of children that her mind brushes over it, forgets it immediately.

"Please go home,” she slurs as the blonde arranges her on the couch, as she stashes the unopened wine far out of reach and sets about finding blankets and pillows in various cupboards. “Please, just— leave me alone.”

“No,” Kara says, almost snaps, glancing back over her shoulder. Partially hidden in the linen cupboard, her face is cast deep in shadow, a splinter of half-concealed truth. “I made you a promise, I gave you my word. I'm your friend, and I will protect you. Always.”

She crosses back to the couch, soft blankets and pillows held out in invitation. When Lena refuses the offering Kara sighs, draping a knitted throw over her anyway and perching on the cushions beside Lena's hip. “I'm not going to leave you, so you might as well stop asking,” she hums, softer now, a hand reaching toward her that Lena no longer possesses the strength or coordination to bat away.

Long fingers make contact with her cheek, with the mussed curls tangling in her eyelashes, and Kara sighs. “You are not your brother,” she murmurs, fingertips grazing Lena's cheekbone, sliding back to thread into the fine hair at her temple. “And you never will be. There's too much light in you to allow for that kind of darkness, so put that fear down, Lena. Let it go. Be free of it.”

Tears spring unbidden to her eyes. “I poisoned children.”

Kara tilts forward and Lena wonders if it's just that her vision has upped its spinning, but then warm lips are pressing against her forehead, soft and delicate as gossamer wings. Kara's mouth moves against her skin, breath damp and sweet and unmistakeably her. “You saved the world.”

Neither one of them moves. When Lena speaks again, the words hit the elegant hollow of Kara's throat. “I don't deserve your kindness. I don't deserve you.”

Kara's lips are still on her forehead. “I don't care.”

Lena feels as if her throat is splitting open, every last fear and hatred and worry and insecurity gushing out of her in an unstoppable stream. “I'm scared.”

“I know.” Kara's lips press once more, and then withdraw. They watch each other in the dim light from the kitchen. Lena's vision is beginning to blur at the edges. Kara's hand is still in her hair.

“You will get through this,” the blonde whispers, so earnest Lena almost manages to believe her. “We'll figure it out. Together.”

Heart in her mouth, tongue sticking behind her teeth, Lena's eyes slide closed.

The sweetness of Kara's words, her gentle touches, seep inside her like honey. She doesn't deserve it but God, she wants it. She wants to be worthy of Kara's faith in her more than she's ever wanted anything in her life. She wants Kara more than she's ever wanted anything in her life.

And it's telling, she knows, that she's just lost the trust of all of National City, that she has no way of easing those children's suffering and no way to prove that she isn't the cause of it, that she's finally living up to the Luthor name she's been running from ever since she'd learned what it truly meant and yet in this moment, with Kara's hand in her hair and the ghostly imprint of her lips on Lena's skin, none of it seems to matter.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

-

Three years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, three years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which stands alone as an oasis of calm in the turbulent tumult of the past days, weeks, months of chaos. Lex's escape from custody, Eve Teschmacher's betrayal, James’ shooting, the Harun-El serum, the whole shitty totality of it all has been weighing Lena down like an nth metal chain around her neck.

And Kara, Kara hasn't been around. The one person who has always managed to ease Lena's suffering has deserted her when she needs her the most and it feels like she's been sliced open, cracked in two.

She tells her as much, when Kara at last comes to see her. Tells her she's missed her, tells her she needs her, all but begs her to stay. And what does Kara do? She leaves.

And when she leaves, Lena is gripped by a panic so intense she fears she may never breathe freely again. So terrified is she that Kara is gone for good, that she's forced away the best thing that's ever happened to her, that almost before she knows what's happening she finds herself at Catco with apologies dripping from her own tongue.

Anything to get Kara back. Anything to keep her.

Lena apologises. Kara apologises. Lena cries, and Kara holds her, and tells her that the decision to help her brother when he was dying of cancer doesn't make her the monster she now believes herself to be. And standing on her office balcony with Kara's fingers wrapped around her biceps, with her own tears spotting dark on Kara's blazer, Lena manages to believe her.

When she's collected herself, smoothed away the wetness coursing down her cheeks, she speaks. “I really want to help you with your investigation on Lex.”

Kara's face lights up; Lena's whole world along with it.

“I'd love that,” Kara says, voice quiet and still a little tentative in the wake of their new truce. “But first— would you, um. Would you like to have lunch with me?”

Lena blinks. “Don't you want to get started on the exposé?”

“I do. But—” Kara's face is still painted that earnest shade from earlier, when she'd smoothed her hands over Lena's shoulders and whispered you are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul against the sensitive skin of her neck. Lena feels her cheeks heat up at the memory, at the intensity in the blue eyes still roving her face.

Kara shuffles her feet but her gaze is clear, unwavering. “But you were right. I've spent too much time recently prioritising the wrong things. So, I want to work on this exposé with you, and I want to bring your brother down. But first, I'd really just like to have lunch with my best friend.”

Lena's heart trips in her chest. “I'd like that too.”

So, that's what they do. Kara asks her to wait, which she does, idly tapping out a few emails on her phone. And then the blonde is back, far quicker than should have been possible, with her arms full of takeout bags from the café on the third floor and she's taking Lena by the hand and leading her to Cat Grant's private elevator. She presses the button for the roof and Lena's gaze jumps to her face but Kara only smiles, and squeezes her fingers. “Trust me, it'll be worth it,” she hums, her excitement infectious. “You'll be safe with me.”

And Lena believes her.

That's how she ends up sitting at the edge of Catco's roof on a clean sheet Kara had borrowed from the builders on the second floor, heels kicked off, Kara's red blazer draped around her shoulders. It is worth it, she'll admit; the view from this high is phenomenal. The sun burns bright in a cloudless sky, glinting off the glass-sided skyscrapers of the business district, the glittering waters of the bay beyond.

Kara had picked up Lena's favourite salad, some flatbreads and dips, and they drink kombucha and eat strawberries in the sunshine. They talk and they laugh and they catch up and there's no more fighting, no animosity, no megalomaniac brothers or backstabbing secretaries or worlds needing to be saved. There's only them, she and Kara, and it feels like all she will ever need.

The blonde's hands are braced behind her on the rooftop and she looks happy and carefree as she regales Lena with stories of her upstairs neighbour's antics, and Lena feels the tight knot of tension that had taken up residence in her chest begin to unfurl.

"Hey,” Kara hums, pushing up straighter as Lena licks strawberry juice from her fingertips. The motion brings them closer, their shoulders brushing. “Look up.”

Lena does. High above them, a huge murmuration of starlings whirls and swoops through the air. Thousands of birds move together as one, a vast wave cresting but never breaking against the blue canvass of sky.

“Wow,” Lena gasps, awed.

Against her side, Kara hums. “Yeah.”

They watch the birds for a long moment, captivated by the ceaseless swirling and diving. When Lena at last tears her gaze away from the sky, Kara's eyes rest intently on her face. "Here,” the blonde murmurs, reaching out. The pad of one finger makes feather-light contact with her cheek. Lena's breath catches in her chest.

Kara holds out her finger, proffering the stray eyelash she'd captured with a smile. "Make a wish,” she whispers, her fingertip an inch from Lena's mouth. Her eyes never leave Lena’s.

Lena looks from Kara's face to the eyelash, and back again. From somewhere deep inside her heart, the truth bubbles its way to the surface. “I don't need to.”

Kara smiles, a brilliant, beautiful smile, and Lena knows. The stresses and anxieties of their current crisis feel far away here, harmless as birdsong. She's meted out forgiveness, received it in return. For the first time in her adult life Lena has communicated an issue with a loved one and been heard, understood. She has admitted her own mistake without having it spell out the end of her relationship.

Lena smiles back. The weight of the world sublimates into nothing beneath the bliss of a simple picnic in the sun.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

-

Two years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, two years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which has sapped the both of them to the bone. Another fight, another screaming match, another quick-fire back and forth of accusations and recriminations. Another night of cursing and crying and choking on all the things they never said before this, on all the things they can't now that Kara's secret has detonated in the shrinking space between them like a nuclear bomb.

Another round of bloodshed, and for what?

Lena sags against the arm of the couch, exhausted. Her face is hot, scratchy with salt from the tears still drying on her skin. She's dehydrated, probably, and half hoarse from shouting, tongue blistered with the bitter sting of betrayal.

Across the no man's land of her living room, Kara slumps against the floor-length windows, drops her temple to the cool glass. She's breathing heavily, cheeks wet, posture battered and eyes dark-bruised beneath the force of Lena's wrath. As Lena watches, her eyes slide closed.

It's been three months since Lena found out. Three weeks since Kara found out that Lena had found out.

Every night since, they've done this. Every night, Kara has shown up on her balcony and begged, pleaded, apologised, cajoled, defended, rebuffed, and sobbed. Every night, Lena has unleashed the hollow agony of Kara's deception masquerading as anger in her chest, incinerating the both of them in the fires of her desolation.

She would have expected the wounds to have cauterised by now. To feel some kind of release, the relief of catharsis. Or at least, to have expended some of her fury after all this time.

She hasn't.

They've been at this for three hours already this evening, and gotten nowhere. Kara's skin is pale above that fucking supersuit, face drawn and complexion sallow.

Lena knows how she feels. The singular exhaustion that is her rift with Kara has sapped her in every way imaginable. She can't sleep. She barely eats. She's no longer interested in work, research, friends. There's nothing in her life that isn't tainted by the shadow of the lies her best friend told and kept telling, every day for four years. Lena doesn't know how any amount of screaming and crying is ever going to get them past that.

Across the room, Kara sighs. It might be the saddest sound Lena has ever heard.

“Should we keep doing this?” she asks after an interminable silence, voice rough with tears still building. Her eyes are still closed.

Lena manages, with exorbitant effort, to raise her drooping head. “What?”

“Is there a point to all this?” Kara asks quietly, hunched body sliding a little further down the glass. "The explanations, the fighting?”

Blue eyes blink open. The weight of the sadness in them is unbearable. Lena struggles to find it within herself to care.

“Lying to you about who I am is the single biggest mistake I have ever made, and if it will make even one single shred of difference I will apologise to you every day for as long as I live,” Kara says into the aching chasm between them. “But I can't keep doing this. Not if it won't change anything. I can't— I don't want to keep hurting you.”

An hour ago, Lena would have scoffed at a sentiment like that. Would have parried back with some piercingly dry comment about how the blonde should have thought about that before she decided to betray Lena's trust as soundly as she possibly could.

Now, though— now, she's just too tired.

“So, should we keep doing this?” Kara whispers, throat working. “Or— God, Lena. Should we just— should we give up?”

Green eyes meet blue, two shattered hearts haemorrhaging between them. “Is that what you want?”

“No.” Kara's voice is loud, fiercely determined in the face of Lena's hesitant whisper. “God, no. Never. I don't ever want to give up on you, Lena. I don't ever want to give you up.”

Kara straightens then, with a strength Lena cannot imagine mustering herself. Perks of being a superhero, she supposes. Perks of being Kryptonian. The thought stakes another shard of ice through her bleeding heart.

“But I know that I've spent four years calling the shots for both of us by keeping you in the dark,” Kara continues. “I've taken away your agency. I've taken away your choice. I won't do that again.”

She sucks in a deep breath, a little of Supergirl's regality seeping back into the defeated slump of her shoulders. “So, I'm doing what I should have done from the start. I'm being honest with you, and hoping that you'll be honest back. I'm asking what you want.”

Kara's fingers twist anxiously before her, bottom lip bleaching white beneath the nervous pressure of her teeth. “Do you think we should keep doing this? Or do you— fuck.” Her voice cracks, the tears brimming in her eyes once again breaking free. “Do you want to give up?”

Jesus Christ. Lena never knew that the prospect of doing the right thing could hurt so much.

“Fuck,” she mutters as she kneads her knuckles over her closed eyelids, digging in until white lights starburst across her vision. “Fuck, Kara.”

“I know,” the blonde whispers from across the room, brittle and broken. “I know. I'm sorry.”

Lena slows her assault on her own eyelids, pinching thumb and forefinger hard at the bridge of her nose instead. “I want to give up,” she mutters, and in the taut silence between them she hears the blonde gasp, watery and thick.

Lena blinks open her eyes to find Kara's face crumpling, every facet of her seeming to fold in on itself even as she visibly fights to keep herself upright.

Lena sighs, and hates Kara, and hates herself even more. “I want to, but— I can't.” She sucks in a ragged breath, hating the truth that's just fallen from her lips, hating the lies that had necessitated it. Hating everything and everyone and most of all, hating just how much she's hurting. “I can't give this up.”

The tiniest spark of hope flares to life in Kara's eyes. Lena hates that she notices, hates that she cares, hates that the sight eases the tight knot of devastation clawing at her ribcage just the tiniest bit.

She also knows that this was inevitable. She knows that, though she hates Kara, though she's nowhere close to forgiving her, though she has no idea how they can rebuild from here or even if she truly wants to try, a question like Kara's could only ever have one answer.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

-

One year from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, one year from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which is barely even a moment at all. It's more like a dream, warm and faded and fogged in darkness, seconds stolen when sleep should have long since claimed them.

Kara's nightmare had woken them both. In the month since they'd pulled her out of the Phantom Zone, she hadn't slept alone once. Often, she stays with Alex, curling into her sister's side the way she would when they were just kids after one too many late-night horror movies. Once, she stays with Nia, tucked up snug in a borrowed pair of puppy print pyjamas.

Mostly, she stays with Lena. It's natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, the way Kara will show up at her place after a Supergirl save or Lena will let herself into the blonde's apartment after a late night in the lab. They cook dinner and watch Celebrity Masterchef and brush their teeth elbow to elbow at the bathroom sink and when Kara is inevitably tugged screaming and sobbing from her night terrors, the way she presses her face to Lena's neck and her hand over Lena's heart is natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, too.

Kara's racing pulse has calmed a little, her grip on Lena's body beneath her losing some of its urgent desperation. After a long moment of Lena's hand stroking her hair, of gentle reassurances and lips pressed to her temple the blonde pulls back, just enough to rest her head on the pillow facing her.

In the dim light filtering in through the bedroom window Kara's pupils are blown, her face solemn. There's something in her heavy gaze that Lena can't identify; something weighted and potent that prickles goosebumps up the length of her spine.

"Feeling better?” she whispers into the inch of warm air between them, reaching out to tuck a sweat-matted curl reverently behind the blonde's ear.

Kara catches her retreating hand and holds tight, twining their fingers together on the narrow swathe of pillow between them. If either of them were to move so much as a millimetre, their clasped hands would press against their lips.

The blonde nods and sure enough, the soft heat of her mouth brushes the back of Lena's knuckles. She shivers.

Kara is still watching her, the intensity of her gaze causing Lena's heart to thud hard in her throat. She squeezes lightly at the fingers threaded through her own. “What?”

A pause, heavy and sweet as overripe fruit. Kara blinks once, slow. “You're my best friend.”

Lena swallows down a sudden swell of emotion. The blonde nudges closer and when she speaks, the wet seam of her lips catches on the angle of Lena's bent knuckles, painting her skin with the words.

“You're the most important person in the world to me,” Kara whispers, breaths skating fire-flashes across Lena's fingers, voice muffling out past the mouth pressed to her skin. “You know that, right?”

Lena's voice deserts her in the wake of the quiet words. She leans forward instead, presses her lips to Kara's fingertips where they rest against the back of her own hand. It's answer enough.

She hears Kara's breath catch, feels the disruption mirrored in her own chest. Both their mouths are pressed to the joined hands clasped between them. If they were to move their fingers down even just a fraction, there would be nothing separating their lips but a promise, a prayer.

Kara's eyelashes flutter in the semi-darkness. The tip of her nose brushes Lena's own. Neither one of them moves their hands.

They only gaze at one another a long moment, and Lena wonders if the blonde is memorising the planes of her face the way she's memorising Kara's. She could look at her forever, be happy here with her forever, and in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

For the first time, she wonders if she might not be the only one.

-

Right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking Lena's hand.

It's been three weeks since they'd taken down Lex for the last time. Three weeks since Kara had stormed into the Tower's med bay to cup Lena's bloody, bruised face in her hands; since she'd brushed her thumbs feather-light over Lena's split eyebrow and purpling jaw and growled don't you ever scare me like that again. Three weeks since she'd leaned in and pressed her lips to Lena's.

It's been two weeks and six days since Lena, confined to a gurney but utterly uncaring thanks to the warm Kryptonian curled against her side, had pressed her aching face to Kara's shoulder and first whispered that she loved her. Two weeks and six days since Kara had first said it back.

It's been two weeks and five and a half days since Nia had walked in on Lena in Kara's arms, lips pressed to her neck and hands wandering beneath her sweatshirt, and promptly shrieked the place down. Since their friends had exchanged pointed glances and relieved sighs and congratulated them on finally making it official, their expressions ranging from overjoyed to exasperated to plain exhausted.

It's been two weeks and four days of she and Kara dating; of morning kisses and shared showers and the perfect partner at game night and all of Lena's wildest dreams coming true.

It's been less than a minute since Kara had admitted, hushed and wondering, that she'd known she was in love with Lena ever since she'd found herself suddenly prepared to poison National City's entire water supply rather than let Lena fall. That she hadn't been able to fully it admit it to herself until she'd found herself suddenly prepared to alter the course of all of history in order to get Lena back.

And right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking her hand. She's looking deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice barely rises above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And now that she has, Lena is sure of her answer.

The highlight reel of her relationship with Kara lays itself at Lena's feet, each precious memory between them stretching out like a roadmap of her growing affection, with every hard-won step leading her right to this moment.

And in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love with Kara. Really, she always has been.