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babypinkhearts · 2 months

Text

know it’s for the better.

pairing: geto suguru + fem!reader, implied gojo satoru + fem!reader

summary: but butterflies cannot see their own beautiful wings, so he’ll gladly worship you quietly.

warnings: canon au, angst (please forgive me ily all), mentions of violence, vulgar language, crude humor, time-jumps, cameos from shoko, megumi, yuji, nobara :3 comfort.

word count: 16.8k

a/n: this fic has been my baby for a month, i’ve poured so much love into it. treat her well <333 loosely inspired by the songs “first love/late spring” by mitski and “waiting room” by phoebe bridgers. there are so many references to so many things in this :) some quotes that i will think about forever. hope you enjoy.

october, 2006.

“nine out of ten times.”

it’s the first sentence you say out loud after minutes of silence, and you’re given a puzzled look. it kinda makes you want to laugh, the confusion etched across his face so foreign that it’s rather intriguing. he’s golden, even under all the darkness. the world makes space for fallen angels.

“nine of ten times… what?”

you resist the urge to thumb that furrow in his brows, the creases looking wrong upon his soft features. you only smile, snuggling closer to him. either the room is magically colder, or suguru forgot to close the window. you give him the benefit of the doubt.

“that i would choose you.”

you’re slurring your words almost, but more from the plain laziness in your movements rather than from genuine exhaustion. suguru hums, fingers tapping along your arm. it may be around four in the morning, but you couldn’t sleep.

the both of you hadn’t been able to for a while.

not since riko, not since toji, and definitely not since the new scar trailing across your stomach. shoko hadn’t been able to make the repair seamless.

you didn’t really mind. a lot of things seemed pointless nowadays.

“and the other time?”

your eyes linger on the strand of hair that always falls imperfectly on his face. a little crack in his flawlessness, though you’re not sure how grand that observation actually is.

you sit up a bit, propping your head with your arm as you look down at his pretty brown eyes. narrow, as they currently are, but still evidently alluring.

“well, i think it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.” you reason, voice soft. sometimes the dependency you had with suguru worried you. waves can crash, but the water itself remains. you think you’ll always be bound to him. his, forever. and yet you say, “i’d choose myself. just for a bit of sanity.”

it’s meant to be lighthearted, but the silence that falls afterwards kills any tone of playfulness that statement might have held.

you wish you had been a little more greedy.

•••

september, 2007.

emotions were complicated things.

it’s complicated to process the bullet you watch fly through a child’s head. it’s complicated to process your near-death experience. it’s complicated to process process the news of your classmate’s death. it’s complicated to process how it’s expected for you to go back to normal. it’s complicated to process everything.

so you curl up further, and hope that the news you’re hearing now is only a nightmare. because again, it’s too complicated to process.

“he killed them.”

and with the way satoru says it, repeats it, you think he wants you to sit up and hug him. be vulnerable, because god knows it’s been so long since you have.

but you lay there, back in the bed that you used to sometimes share with the criminal. the stillness makes satoru’s stomach drop, and he can’t will himself to say it again just for the chance of getting a reaction from you. but how much pain can a heart take? because it felt like yours might give out at any moment.

you didn’t sign up for this.

naively, no, you didn’t sign up for this.

“how many?”

you’re not sure why you ask. any number would have you spiraling, but with the silent refusal satoru gives by not replying immediately, you’re sure the answer would kill you alone.

he knows. he knows the exact number, he’d seen the report.

but he stares at your desolate form, eyes scanning the mess in your room. or, lack of. he hardly saw you get get out of bed these days if it weren’t for missions. the only sign of movement from you were the plushies that used to adorn your bed, now sprawled on the floor. for a second, he wonders if they’re gifted from who he thinks they’re from. but that thought feels stupid the moment he thinks of it, because - yes. of course they were. that man had loved you like his lungs naturally loved air. he loved freely, graceful in the way he cared. about satoru, about you. anyone, really.

so saturo makes a decision, hoping that it alleviates a little bit of the ache that he now concludes he will attempt to shield you from. because he cares about you too much to see you succumb to your own internal wounds. he wants you to be strong, like him. like suguru was. he can’t lose you too.

“i don’t know.” satoru lies, and he hopes that sentence can at least ease your heartbreak. but he feels it just as much. sorrowful, the kind of pain he’s been too familar with for a while now. he frowns when you don’t move.

obstruct from his view, your hands grip your sheets as tight as humanly possible, and you’re sure that you break skin through the fabric. you want to cry, but you can’t. not in front of satoru. not while he’s right there.

because this doesn’t affect you. you didn’t care.

so what? suguru had left you to the wolves. to fend for yourself. he became a monster. it didn’t bother you.

and you try to convince yourself to think the same when satoru sits beside you. you’re still thinking it as his shaking hand places itself on your side.

but you give up when he lays beside you, feeling his grief. and that pain only cements itself further as you begin to quietly sob months worth of misery.

you don’t feel much better after.

•••

march, 2008.

nine out of ten times, you’d like to be given the option to wipe your memory.

the other time would be the ability to travel to the past. it’s hard to decide which could be better, or arguably worse. maybe you could save haibara - tag along on that stupid mission and fight that stupid curse. switch places with him, even. the world seemed a lot duller without him in it. nanami spoke even less than he did before. you couldn’t keep up a conversation with him.

was it irrational to think that you might have been able to kill toji too? he just caught you on an off-day. you’re the reason he killed riko. it’s your fault that a child is dead.

there’s so much to be sad about, you’ve started to confuse those ugly feelings with plain normality. it’s natural to feel like this. you can’t really remember better days. they’ve blurred, causing twisted retroactive interference.

your rock had fled. any form of stability you had crumbled with the weight of your sorrow, and you’re forced to miserably pick yourself back up because you’ve never really been used to being alone. satoru wasn’t really around anymore, and shoko never left her studies. you certainly weren’t abandoned, but, unfortunately, you understood that grief couldn’t just halt time forever.

you’ve mourned so much, it feels silly to still have the same ache.

but how do you even move on? what’s the process like? because you’re almost certain you wouldn’t be able to survive it.

you’ve began to rid any remnants of him in your room; any proof of his existence. clothes, specifically, because they hold on to his scent, and you think if you stop for a moment to actually look at them you might break down again. you see memories in them. times where he’s worn the black t-shirts, or his white button-up. insignificant at first glance, but it’s your life you’re holding on to.

you stuff them into bags as quickly as you can.

if he’s not here, he can’t hurt you.

at least, not anymore than he already had.

you think it’s cruel that you’re stuck with a person’s presence even if they’re not physically there anymore. you’ll always associate this room with him. the world, at that.

and maybe it’s childish that your first response (after the sulking) is to trash his belongings, but you can’t think of anything more rational to do. the universe will move on without him. you can’t be left behind too.

when you’re finished, you’re not sure if the sight of five large trash bags and an emptier room makes you want to sob or hit something. it’s like life has lost it’s color - a new vision, duller than what was deemed humane. torturous.

yet you can’t bring yourself to pick them up and take them out of the room. you’re idle, staring at them like they’re just meant to disappear. you hadn’t realized how much your room consisted of just him.

trash, is what you’re unintentionally calling everything in them. but you don’t think that, never in a million years.

if it were up to you, you’d keep everything exactly where it was, and obliviously continue a cheery facade. but the thing about awareness is that after it’s discovered, you can’t really leave it. it’s branded into your mind, poking at your brain with a stick because it will annoyingly never have the intention to leave you alone.

it’ll sit with you in your darkest hours, and you’re unable to predict when light will shine through.

“dump them.”

you jump, defenses high on alert as you instinctively fall back. almost immediately after, you drop your hands, sighing.

shoko is leaning against the doorway, arms crossed. you’re about to ask her how long she’s been standing there for, but her lingering gaze on your conflicting pile of issues answers your question before you have the chance to.

“i’ll do it for you.” she offers, finally looking up to meet your eyes. they’re a little sunken in, and she looks restless. it’s the first time you’ve seen her in nearly two weeks. she’s ditched the short hair since a few months back, the length sitting comfortably at her chest now.

you dumbly stare, non-respondent on purpose. you don’t want her to do that.

she seems to recognize the discomfort on your face at her suggestion, and you watch as her brows bitterly furrow, a small glare now directed at the bags. but you don’t get much emotion other than that.

“you can’t cling on to this shit. it’s unhealthy.” she softly explains, shaking her head. you wonder if that’s her medical opinion or genuine concern speaking, but you don’t ask her to elaborate. instead, you turn around, taking a seat at the edge of your bed.

you kind of want her to leave.

“what’s healthy, then?” you retort, shrugging. it sounded a bit hypocritical coming from her. shoko had barricaded herself for the past six months, not even offering an ounce of genuine sympathy. in reality, you know it’s because she’s naturally avoidant. she didn’t crave support like you did. she didn’t need it like you had. because shoko has always been independent, never strung up on people. and you envy that more than anything.

“i don’t know.” she answers honestly, pursing her lips. but with one look around your room, and she’s certain it wasn’t this.

hesitantly, she lets herself inside, eyes scanning the bareness. if it were any other day, she’d see suguru at your desk, or on your bed. he’d wave, and you would greet her with open arms. everyone knew the two of you were nearly inseparable (if it weren’t for satoru). the room always had a pleasant atmosphere when the two of you were in it. it feels cold and grim now, though. shoko has to fight a shiver.

you observe her, waiting for a joke or two. you’re nearly hoping, because any form of comedic relief had begun to be your craving. you needed an escape from all of this.

but instead, she turns back to you and wordlessly sits beside your tense form. it’s quiet for a bit.

there’s a charm that shines on the top of your desk, catching her eye. it dangles among other souvenirs, and shoko has to avert her eyes when she realizes that they’re all gifts from a certain deceased underclassman.

everything about this room feels like a graveyard.

“gojo comes back today.” shoko suddenly says, letting the first thing she can think of be verbalized. her eyes stay on the wooden floor this time. “he’s been in kyoto for a couple of days.”

you hum, nodding. you didn’t know.

if shoko kept her distance, then it was like satoru had completely faded. you couldn’t even remember the last time he had texted you.

then again, you weren’t sure if you’d even respond.

“i was thinking we could eat dinner together… when he gets back.”

your head perks up. barely.

that sounded familiar. mostly because it had been a routine up until recently. never verbally established, but it was natural for you and shoko to be accompanied by two towering sorcerers as you ate whatever satoru had decided on for the day. he was a picky eater. there’s a bitter taste on your tongue as you realize you’d be missing a member now.

“we can.” you nod, awkwardly kicking your feet back and forth. silence again.

you can feel shoko’s annoyance. how she’s trying to get you to talk, but you’re stupidly stubborn and refuse to. however, she knows you a little too well, and plays the waiting game. because she knows you’re weak when it comes to your heart, and weaker when it comes to the people you love. her included.

it’s not a relief when you finally break. if anything, it’s painful to hear, to watch. and though it’s only one question, it’s so complicated that it feels like you’ve asked her how the universe itself was created. simultaneously, it’s equally as simplistic.

it doesn’t even sound sad. it’s hollow, void of any distinct emotion. you’re staring at the wall.

“shoko…” you don’t pay attention to how she stills and watches you intently. you’re oblivious to the frown on her face, how she leans in just a little closer. and the widening of her eyes as you finish speaking. “how are you… okay?”

you feel particularly pathetic. shoko was so strong. satoru was the strongest. and yet here you were, more fragile than ever. on an alter, you’re a mere viewer from below. simply watching perched gods, basking in all their glory. the difference always evident, never comparable.

and yet shoko stares for a little, dumbfounded.

no, absolutely no one was ‘okay.’ the world was crumbling in front of everyone’s eyes. but you’ve always been a reminiscent person, she supposes. you search for familiarity. it’s harder for you to let go.

“did i tell you that?” she asks, more rhetorically than anything. there’s a teasing tone that her voice holds, but it does little to rid the tension of your question. you slowly shake your head.

“then how do you know that’s true?”

you shrug, fiddling with your fingers. “i don’t know.”

you want to tell her that your thoughts are purely based on toxic comparisons to yourself, but the air feels a little thick already, so you don’t.

“c’mere.”

there is no protest made when she wraps her arms around you, and forces you to fall into your bed with her. the pillows under your heads dip, and you’re enveloped in the softness of your blankets. shoko’s warm, and if you closed your eyes you might mistaken her hold to be like a mother’s affection. evident adoration, just by the touch. you’re derived and soak it up as much as you can, leaning into her.

it reminds you of late nights where you’d have sleepovers and gossip until the sun came up. too tired to train the next day, yaga ordering laps regardless of your visible fatigue. and you’d run with gleeful smiles, energy lifting as you were side-by-side again. an unexplainable friendship one could never truly describe with words, just pure thoughts. it’s sickeningly nostalgic, because you think about the fact that it really had not been that long ago. how quickly things change.

shoko nuzzles her face into your hair affectionately and sighs. she squeezes you tightly. declarative - ‘i’m right here.’ never enough to make up for the lost time and avoidance, but enough for now. because shoko didn’t act like this normally, and for you to see her in such a state meant more than just any regular apology.

“i think you know how to love better than any of us.” she admits, and that sentence alone has you curling a little more into her, your chest suddenly feeling tight. she leans in, and her lips form into a sorrowful smile as she observes you. full of pure understanding. again, a connection that could not be made with words. it feels a little spiritual. she brushes a stray strand of hair away from your face. “that’s why you find it all so painful.”

hesitantly, you offer a sad smile, her words all bittersweet. it makes you laugh a little distastefully, the reality of them hitting you at once. “well, that’s not fair.”

“it’s not.” shoko agrees, nodding. “but it’s a lovely thing.”

you make a face. recently, it’s only brought you suffering. the good bits don’t seem as worth it - as ‘lovely’ as she describes.

you pause, contemplating for a little. and your voice is affirmative, like you’ve never been more sure in your life. you kinda sound like a naive child.

“i don’t want it. take my feelings. i don’t like them.”

it’s true. it’s the biggest truth you’ve ever told with the biggest sincerity. and you know it’s not possible, that you’re stuck like this forever. a soft, easygoing heart that beats for everyone around it. your words make shoko snort - a real genuine laugh. you giggle through watery eyes.

“the world sucks.”

this time, it is a pitying smile that shoko gives you. lop-sided, and hesitant. she feels bad.

her arms leave you, and she opts to instead lay facing you, faces mere inches from one another. you’re both laying on your cheeks, against folded hands. shoko taps your nose.

“you know what i think?”

you hum, sniffing a little as you try to focus on the small amount freckles across her face instead of the overwhelming urge to let some tears fall. it works, for the most part. you count twenty.

“i think the world gives strong feelings to strong people.”

you smile at that.

shoko was something else.

“i’m pretty fucking strong then, aren’t i?” you mumble, tired eyes blinking as you sigh. shoko’s eyes crinkle as she returns the fondness, a hand resting on your cheek.

“definitely.”

and you can only hope she’s right.

there’s nothing that interrupts those sweet moments of tranquillity. where you can act like everything is just a little better, because in all honesty, it was. shoko’s good at making you feel like that.

if you really thought hard enough, this could be just another regular day. you want it to be.

you feel shoko’s finger poke your chest, and she gives you a pointed look. it’s like she could read your mind - subconsciously, as if she had the ability of a third eye.

“it gets easier. every day it gets a little easier. but you gotta do it every day — that’s the hard part.”

she leaves it at that.

you lay together, appreciating each other’s mere presence. and it feels nice. support, like you craved, but words even more. you aren’t able to formulate how much you adore her, but actions speak louder than words, so you shuffle just a tiny bit closer.

you’re not sure how much time passes by.

when shoko stands up, she rids you of her warmth, leaving the cocoon of wonder and comfort she’d so gracefully created for you. yet you feel fine, that isolating shiver now replaced with content. you think you feel a little lighter too.

“be outside by seven. if it’s up to me, we’ll all get sushi. no promises though.”

she’s back to being more standoffish, but still your same shoko. you nod appreciatively, the thankfulness worth the weight of a million tons. your eyes follow her as she walks across the room.

the door shuts, and you’re left alone again.

you can feel your heart beat a little faster, the realization of your commitment to the later plans finally dawning upon you. it would be the first real reunion since then. maybe a chance to talk things out. be levelheaded, get some communal closure.

or, maybe you’d be able to ignore the past and focus on the present. just act like friends eating lunch. because that’s all it was, wasn’t it?

begrudgingly, you force yourself to stand, too aware of the fact that your habits of wasting time in bed have far exceeded a reasonable amount over the past few months. it was time to get better, be better.

your hands grab the first bag.

it’s heavy, as you imagine all the other ones are. but you suppose if you don’t think about what’s in them, it’ll make the process a lot smoother.

you’re nearing the door when you stop.

it’s a small paper, it’s yellow exterior almost blending in with the sunlight escaping through the windows. you inch closer.

and it’s pathetic that the sight of his handwriting on a sticky-note makes you lose your breath. shameful, because how are inanimate objects this damaging?

it’s hung above your desk. by haibara’s gifts, and by notebooks you never really used in this academically-lackluster school.

you stare at it for a while, hand resting over your forehead as you take in every minuscule detail. you let go of the bag.

it’s the last note suguru had ever left you, made a few weeks before his disappearance. before everything went downhill. little poetic phrases that would embed themselves in your mind until death. you’re afraid to look.

it’s neatly written, displayed in purple ink. doodles of clouds and flowers surround the words. he had a habit of leaving them around. you suppose you never caught this one.

there’s a little heart next to his signature, encapsulating just a memory of lost devotion.

‘how strange to dream of you, even when i am awake.’

your hand crumbles the note in a second.

the paper is evidently weak, and when you open your hand back up, the words are still clearly there, haunting you. and you know you don’t have the heart to throw it away. or, realistically - throw anything away.

you fold the note gently, and leave it on your desk. your body yearns to leave, to escape the suffocation of what suddenly felt like walls that were caving in. you slam the door on your way out, bags and all left behind.

you’d definitely prefer to wipe your memory.

•••

april, 2005.

“you’re so annoying.”

satoru grins, standing proudly as you repeatedly attempt to hit him on the head, your touch stopped by his infinity. he’d only recently learned how to control it decently - claiming that he needed to because you had a bad habit of using him as your punching bag.

“you know what though? this is a good thing.” you muse, arms crossing as you finally give up. satoru’s head tilts, and you raise a brow. “no one wants to touch you anyways.”

there’s a dramatic pout that immediately finds itself on his face, and he whines from instinct, letting his guard down for a moment to shove you. you slap his arm before he has a chance to react.

“she’s right.” suguru nods affirmatively, earning a gasp from the white-haired male, and suddenly, suguru is being shoved too. you giggle, briefly making eye contact with him. it’s a little too quick for your preference, but the stolen glance has you holding your breath for a moment.

it’s exhilarating.

suguru is beautiful in a way that is hard to describe. but it’s not from a loss of words; you can speak endlessly about him. he’s everything a person could dream of and more. but it’s little gestures that truly draw you to him. how it seems like he always lingers, attentive and patient no matter what boulders you seem to throw at him. he’ll carry that weight on his shoulders easily, and with the most effortless smile. it’s a gentleness that you weren’t even sure was possible before you met him. he defies all expectations, all normalities.

“oh, i forgot to ask-“ satoru turns to you, raising his brows. sometimes his glasses bothered you. his eyes were freakish, yes, but you also had a conflicting urge to always look at them. “how’d your mission go yesterday?”

you cringe, involuntarily stiffening as you replay the events in your head.

“stupid semi-first grade. i let my guard down for a second and it almost clawed me.” you sighed, rolling your eyes. you fail to notice suguru’s eyes widen. “but we exorcised it right after. i swear i saw nanami shit himself.”

there’s a stark difference in reactions from both boys. while satoru snickers, suguru stays quiet. white and black.

“glad you’re still with us.” satoru beams, ruffling your hair before you have a chance to swat his hand away. “right, suguru?”

all attention flocks towards him, and you and satoru patiently await his response. he’s looking off to the side.

he feels a little childish.

there’s an uncomfortable pit in suguru’s stomach that he can’t shake off, and he swallows thickly, nodding with a dismissive cough. “yeah, glad it went well.”

obliviously, you flash him a thankful smile.

it makes him feel the tiniest bit better.

he wished yaga would pair you two together, or even put you with satoru. an actual backup - not someone below your skill level. haibara and nanami weren’t comparable; they were still new to jujustu. younger, less experienced. he holds a little resentment towards your abilities, and while he knows you’re never sent on missions that are tougher than you can handle, he always has an inkling of worry that lingers uncomfortably. he hates not being around you - not knowing if you’re okay. and he knows you’re a reckless fighter. you brush off the mention of critical injuries and move on, completely unbothered. the burden of stress came so easily when he was around you and satoru.

“you have another one tomorrow, right?”

you hum, nodding as you fiddle with the end of your uniform, sighing softly. “it’s across town i think. not sure who’s coming with me yet - maybe it’ll be shoko if i beg hard enough.”

suguru has to fight a wince. also not an ideal companion. shoko didn’t specialize in combat.

she’d only be actual help if you were wounded, and -

“why not me or satoru?”

he speaks before he thinks, and iternally, he punches himself in the face. he can see satoru stop moving in his peripheral vision. he thinks he sees a smirk. coy, but no words come out.

scoffing, you deadpan. “where’s the practice in that? you guys will kill it before i even get a chance to see it.”

and that’s true, because it’s happened dozens of times before. show-offs.

“we can get kikufuku after!” satoru exclaims, completely disregarding you as you begin to protest rather loudly. “i’ve been craving it. i haven’t had it since last week!”

“wait longer.” you sneer, glaring at him. “i rather go alone.”

now that, suguru would verbally be clearly against, without any hint of shame.

“boo.” satoru deflates, rolling his eyes at you. “that won’t even happen.”

it wouldn’t. you hadn’t earned that trust yet - the absolute certainty that you’d survive if you did a mission alone.

suguru’s glad.

“not yet.” you chirp, and the hopeful smile on your face doesn’t help anything. “but soon enough.”

there’s that unwavering aura you always hold that makes suguru feel a little sick. it’s determination, stubbornness, that follows you and keeps you whole. when you talk like that, words void of any doubt, he knows you mean it. and you’ll accomplish it, because your will for achievement is stronger than your rationality.

but he has you now, right in front of him, so he’ll ease himself of the worry. for now.

“in a million years.” satoru remarks, sticking his tongue out at you, not even bothering to look your way as you hold up a rather unpleasant finger in his direction. playful banter was regular between you two; you fed off of each other’s energy. suguru seemed to be the mediator.

an observer, with eyes particularly always lingering on one certain person.

•••

spring has flowers blossoming again, and you feel inclined to stay out for as long as possible. the confinements of your dorm feels like an obstacle, and it’d be a waste to miss out on the beauty that winter’s absence welcomed.

it’s perfect weather.

the cursed weapon in your hand had begun to feel rather light, your arm adapting to the overpowering weight. you disliked close-range combat, but you were being sent on tougher missions now, so there was no room for complaints. your abilities needed to strengthen.

and it’s frustrating, really. to have to constantly forgo complete confidence and figure out where you’re weakest; you could easily make a list with areas of needed improvement. a lot of your classmates seemed to lack that issue. you suppose what’s worse is that you’re completely aware it wasn’t a competition - but you had convinced yourself that at the least, you needed to stay on their level.

even if that meant working ten times harder, even if that meant exerting yourself past a reasonable amount.

but this routine has gotten you this far, and, sincerely, it hadn’t been too much of a problem to keep up with.

in fact, you could probably do a little more.

“you shouldn’t train so much, you’ll strain yourself.”

your stance falters, though you easily recover within the same second. maybe a little too late, but you tried not to be nit-picky. he was naturally quiet.

“i gotta keep up with everyone somehow.” you quickly grin, trying to calm the visible pants of your labored breathing. it’s futile, and you momentarily turn away, as if embarrassed to look anything but perfectly composed. to look less than him - or anyone, really.

your back is towards him.

suguru can read you perfectly. it’s with ease that’s almost completely overbearing, and some part of him believes that he’s only been put on earth to watch out for you. like it knows that you aren’t the kindest when it comes to yourself.

it’s so natural that he supposes it might be his true purpose.

you only hear him hum from behind you, and suddenly there’s a weight pushing down on your raised weapon, ushering it towards the floor. gentle fingers graze against yours, and you let him grab it from you, albeit with some hesitation. he places it on the floor.

“let’s take a break, yeah?”

he doesn’t even need to coerce you, you’d follow him blindly if he asked. you always do.

and he’s leading you, knowing you’re behind him without having the urge to look back and check. exhaustion lingers, but you’re too entranced by him to focus on the sore ache of your limbs. he’s graceful as he walks.

“we trained this morning.”

you freeze momentarily, looking off to the side with a shrug. it’s not that he sounds hostile - it’s just a bit more monotone than normal. “practice makes perfect.”

suguru makes a noise of acknowledgment, but it sounds a bit absentminded and dull, lacking any understanding. like a huff of annoyance.

“right.”

he shouldn’t be this bitter, this cold, when speaking to you. it’s rough against his tongue, and his entire body, mind and all, is actively telling him to stop. emotions are ugly things, though. it makes people less rational; less aware - say things they may regret.

suguru slows his steps, up until you’re beside him, where you should be. and by a glance at you, he knows he’s gotten too uncharacteristically rigid. you’re looking at him, confusion clouding your head. concern, actually. he sees it now.

“did i do something wrong?”

the meekness in your voice, haunted with worry, clears his senses in a millisecond. his eyes widen. panicked, he feverishly shakes his head.

“no — no. of course not.”

he sees you relax a bit, but you’re still looking questionably at him. your head tilts. “then?”

suguru sighs, swallowing thickly as he stops walking. it’s an enchanting sight, grassy fields just a little off main campus. you see a few flowers.

you follow after him as he sits, greenery cushioning your bodies as you settle. suguru picks at the weeds, his eyes on the floor. he speaks quiet, voice among the gentle breeze as his hair flows in waves. you have the urge to remove his hair-tie and see it fully.

“i just worry about you.”

you don’t even attempt to hide the slight flustered smile that finds itself on your face, body feeling overwhelmingly warm. he’s avoiding eye contact for once. l

it’d be a lie if you claimed you didn’t notice the tension - the smiles, the laughs, the soft-spoken volume of his pure voice. so silky smooth it’d rid you of all your worries in a second. but there’s something so alluring about never saying it out loud. like it’s your little secret the two of you can keep, because adoration itself is something so beautiful it needed to be dragged out for as long as possible. you’ve grown to be a little impatient, though.

you nudge him teasingly.

“don’t. i’m right here.”

and it’s true; suguru sees it as a privilege. to be around your presence, to just talk to you — he worships the ground you walk on, and he’s not sure how to tell you that might be the reason why he worries so much.

instead, he chuckles, head bowing momentarily.

“i wish it were that easy.”

you bring your knees to your chest, giggling lightly.

he’s cute.

undeniably.

“it is.” you urge, dragging out the last syllable as you sway towards him. he meets your eyes. “just trust me like i trust you.”

suguru thinks that you’re sometimes oblivious to the weight of your words. they can be so intimate, and you’ll deliver them like any other sentence. as if you hadn’t just made his stomach churn, and his heart beat a little faster. he trusts you more than a healthy amount. he’d trust you with his life, his future — he’d leave everything in the palms of your hands.

“i do.” he replies, reassuringly. it’s earnest, and you smile. suguru bites the inside of his cheek, and closes his eyes. “it’s everything else that scares me.”

and there’s really nothing you can really do to help that fear, because you know it’s completely reasonable and realistic. tomorrow is never promised, especially with the hectic lives you live. you want to tell him that you have similar thoughts when he and satoru are out for days at a time, no return window strictly placed. that it has you pacing back and forth until their arrival, and even then you downplay your relief. but that’s a little embarrassing to say when he’s listening so intently, so you keep quiet.

you turn to him, shrugging with a smile you pray looks more optimistic than sorrowful.

“we can only ever hope for the best.”

a little hollow, less declarative than preferred, but it works the same. suguru nods in silent agreement.

suguru used to think that exceptional beasts like you and him could not fall in love — that it was the secret of ordinary people. for beings, who can alter the world, were special in indescribable ways. but he’s grown to be more open-minded, more accepting.

because what else could he do? you were so irresistible that it ceased the existence of his birth-given psychology. his mind, altered just for you.

“you know… you don’t have to prove yourself of anything.”

this time, it’s suguru who nudges you. he leans in, and you feel his hair brush against your arm. it tickles, but you don’t flinch. your body naturally welcomes the proximity, tingles and goosebumps etching across your skin. you squint, waiting for him to elaborate. and he does, with one validating sentence that kinda erases the possibility of self-doubt. just for a bit.

“i think you’re strong.”

he’d move stars for you, talk to the moon if it meant you got to keep the shimmer in your pretty eyes. and he’d ask the sun to stay out longer so he could continue seeing your rosy cheeks.

he’d gladly live for infinity if he could be the reason you get flustered forever.

you’re very pretty like this.

his eyes are watchful, observant as you scoff bashfully, avoiding him. and you quietly respond, with that same soothing voice. he thinks it could be a lullaby.

“i think you’re strong too.”

suguru smiles, nodding and all-knowing. he pokes you playfully.

“i know.”

you’d complain, but his tone lacks any arrogance. just a statement, enough said. because he knows how you think, how you observe.

and while you don’t say it out loud, your eyes are telling him ‘thank you.’

how beautiful the act of reading an expression is. of knowing a person so easily it’s like clockwork, unraveling intricate details to form a conscious understanding.

he watches your eyes narrow, and awaits a question he knows is on the tip of your tongue. your face looks a certain way during contemplation.

“you like doing this stuff?” you ask, tilting your head. “being a sorcerer, i mean.”

as if the two of you had other options. you didn’t.

but there’s something comforting about answering known questions. speaking the obvious into existence, letting the information linger in the air.

“i like it.” suguru replies, smiling. “if you get rid of the bad stuff.”

his voice gets quieter at the end, but you save him the questioning glance and smile back.

you hum, nodding. “like what?”

and you can name a million bad things. every day is a reminder of them. the two of you have that in common. but thankfully, the world has been kind enough to not let you experience them. your optimism hadn’t been tainted.

and as you expressed to him — you try not to dwell over the ticking clock, only ever hoping for the best.

suguru’s hands are behind him, propping himself up as he gazes at sheer, distant clouds. the sky is a pretty mix of yellow, orange, and red. evening approaches.

“well, all that self-sacrificing stuff for the betterment of mankind — for starters.” he sighs, head leaning back. you wonder if you imagine the way the slight slivers of sun sparkle against his skin, and how angelic his aura seems in that very moment.

you scoot a little closer, gaze matching his as you look upwards.

“we’re helping so many people, though.” you reply, glancing at him for a second. his eyes are closed, like a cat basking in the warmth of the light. you want to kiss his cheek.

“we are.”

“i think it’s cool.”

“it is cool.” he affirms, nodding. one eye opens, and he shamelessly stares as you obliviously observe the world. suguru is suddenly grateful that this view is currently only reserved for him, as he’s sure anyone would fall in love with you in this exact moment. yet, at the least, he wants you to see yourself in his neutral vision.

but butterflies cannot see their own beautiful wings, so he’ll gladly worship you quietly.

he looks at your hand on the grass, right beside his. it’s contemplation that’s been built up for months, thoughts of you invading all his senses. suguru figures that if he had a flower for every time he’s thought of you, he could walk through a garden forever. he inches his fingers closer.

and pauses when they’re less than a centimeter away, pulling back as you break the silence.

“i mean, i’d die for you guys too.”

suguru tenses, and you grow nervously quiet from the sight of his surprised expression, feeling suddenly embarrassed. an awkward laugh leaves your lips in an attempt to ease the gloom of your words, and you mindlessly wave your hand. “if it came down to it, y’know.”

you would in a heartbeat. you’d do it a thousand times over if you could, but you don’t tell him that. that proclamation is reserved for only you.

and as suguru looks over at you, stares, he doesn’t think he’ll ever despise an idea more than he does now. it’s blazing, the thought horrendous.

“don’t say stuff like that.” he demands, shaking his head brazenly. you can feel his eyes still on you, and he’s lost his smile. “don’t ever.”

all the defense, the stoicism, stemming from the thought that — yes. he 100% believed you would die for anyone. and that terrified him more than anything.

suguru isn’t sure how to communicate his thoughts in a softer way. he doesn’t mean for his demeanor to grow so cold again, but it bothers him - makes him sick - that you can say things like that so easily.

“i didn’t — i’m sorry.” you stutter, eyes wide. you swallow thickly, “sorry.”

and again, it’s hard to be upset with you.

but this, he can be against. he needs to be.

“you can’t think like that.” suguru speaks, softer this time. it’s pleading, as if he’s begging for a bit of mercy. and he is. “please.”

he wants to tell you that it’s okay to be selfish, to prioritize yourself first. but it would seem a bit hypocritical coming from him, because he knows he’d throw everything away in a whim if it meant keeping you safe.

love blinds him, he supposes.

“okay.” you nod, eyes on the floor. “i won’t.”

you’re considerate enough to lie, despite knowing full well that your words don’t align with your mind whatsoever. and you think suguru knows that.

he’s staring. you can feel it, eyes as intense as a midnight sky. you feel a little afraid to look up and meet them.

but it’s only instinct when he speaks your name softly, a coaxing whisper among suffocating tension.

you think he looks ethereal when being clouded with concern. godly, towering upon you. the magnitude of his gaze truly shows with the lack of distance. you register the feeling of his hand on yours before anything else, the touch searing from pure shock. a large palm covers your skin.

“… i’m sorry. i just care about you a lot.”

worry is care. it’s one of the greatest devotions — the act of panic for another person.

suguru thinks that romance may actually be the most horrific thing in life. that it’s not curses, but love. it’s the deepest weakness.

“you kill me when you get injured — when you speak like that.” he mutters, and the two of you don’t say a thing as his hand inches higher.

it feels a little harder to breathe.

“can’t promise i’ll stop.” you reply, a pitying smile finding it’s way on your face as you watch him close his eyes briefly.

“i know.”

suguru feels a little like a broken record player, doomed to repeat the same phrases like it’s clockwork.

it’s futile, you’re mutually aware.

he can’t control you, he’s unable to dictate what decisions you make — no matter how stupid, or how horrid they are to him. but he can’t bring himself to stop trying. maybe, if you’re reminded your value, you’ll eventually think the same.

but, honestly, the way you’re looking at him right now could make him believe anything.

“did you find out who’s joining you tomorrow on your mission?”

the corner of your mouth quirks upwards, and he knows your answer before you say it out loud. he grins.

your other hand places itself on top of his, and you smile back. heart giddy, but you try your best to keep your composure.

“i pulled a few strings.”

•••

december, 2015.

you wonder if growing up not only changes your body, but your soul.

because it takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, and even longer to see that it doesn’t have to be that way.

it’d be kinda hard to feel your unhappiness now, regardless.

“i prefer if you keep them outside, megs.” you wince, eyeing the dirt-covered paw prints on the hardwood floor.

the two perpetrators stand on either side of their summoner.

flushed and clearly embarrassed, megumi curtly nods. his hair moves the slightest with the movement, and he turns his head away from you, kicking his foot back and forth. “sorry, i wasn’t thinking.”

the dogs leave your eyesight quickly after. you snort, playfully rolling your eyes at him, walking over to ruffle the dark spikes on his head.

“it’s okay, don’t worry about it.” you smile, silently pleased when he doesn’t move away from the ministration. he’s always been more lenient with you, a fact you hold high over a certain white-haired sorcerer. “plus, i’ll just make satoru clean it up.”

if you had blinked, you might had missed the way megumi’s mouth quirks up, satisfaction clear as day. it makes you giggle, up until you finally inspect him closer. your eyes linger on the dirt covering the side of his white shirt, and you softly sigh, pursing your lips.

“how was the curse?” you ask, nudging him a little where the stains are most prominent. “roughed you up a bit, huh?”

megumi’s introduction to jujustu wasn’t entirely seamless, but he was definitely a natural. an anomaly, like satoru. born with talent.

you watch as his face turns sour, and his eyes suddenly narrow, the stoic expression more familiar. he avoids your gaze and looks at the door expectantly, mumbling something under his breath.

“what?” you reply, brows furrowing as you lean a little closer in hopes he’ll repeat himself. megumi’s mouth opens again, and he’s about to, but an obnoxious ‘i’m backkkk!’ interrupts him.

you share an unimpressed look with the younger boy.

satoru strides inside, whistling with a grin. you’ve spent too much time with him, years ticking off your lifespan from both the annoyance and contentment that he simultaneously brings into the world. he and megumi had left early in the morning, and it was around midday now — too long with him, as you can clearly pinpoint on latter’s face.

satoru’s hands are in his pockets, and he shuts the door with his shoulder, leaning back against it.

“missed us?” he smiles, and he walks over to throw an arm around megumi, which is immediately thrown off. satoru glares momentarily, but quickly looks back up at you, clearing his throat. “missed me?”

you stare, sighing softly before gently tugging megumi towards you.

“i missed megumi.” you correct, crossing your arms. your head motions to him, “and why does it look like he got pushed on the floor? i thought you said-“

“it was a grade three!” satoru immediately exclaims, and points to the boy beside you in accusation. “he told me not to get involved.”

despite his adult frame, satoru never really outgrew his childishness, still quick to blame anyone other than himself. his defensiveness was mildly irritating, but you've come to grow used to it. your head shakes disapprovingly, and you huff. “he’s thirteen, you idiot.”

satoru’s smile turns a little mischievous as megumi looks at you quizzically, a frown on his face. “so?”

you rub your head in annoyance, ignoring satoru’s ‘oooo,’ and gently flick megumi on the forehead. “you’re not an official student yet. dealing with curses by yourself can wait. for now, you fight with satoru.”

satoru dramatically sighs, and much to your dismay, approaches you. his arm infamously wraps itself around your frame, body leaning towards you, and it feels like the weight of an elephant, crushing you as you stumble. he doesn’t let up. “you worry too much. and he exorcised it! maybe with a little less ease than expected, but-“

he grunts when a hand collides with his side, and you’re too busy pushing him off to see the way he sticks his tongue out at megumi.

maybe your concerns were a little irrational, but your heart was in the right place. megumi was still young, still enrolled in a normal middle school — albeit, close to his last year — and you had originally planned to keep him completely innocent for just a while longer. no world of killing, curses, and whatnot. but satoru had pushed him into it within the first few months of his complicated adoption, and you secretly knew that there was nothing you could do to completely shield that side of the ugly world for him.

so, you suppose the least you could do was teach him how to protect himself. in case you or satoru couldn’t.

“well,” you sigh, defeatedly. there’s a lopsided smile on your face, and you expectantly look to megumi. “how was it, then?”

there’s a boyish smile, a little shy, that appears on his face. “cool.”

“see!” satoru grins, arms raising in victory. “he loved it, and he should probably do it more often-“

“fine, fine.”

it’s always been pretty futile to argue with satoru. not only is he stubborn, but painstakingly arrogant. he tends to think his ideas are always the best, simply because they’re made in his very head. and you can’t discredit them, because normally, they’re alright. but it can be frustrating. he’s also really hard to deny.

it’s only natural to give in. just so you can avoid drawing it out.

“awesome! i think he’s ready for a special grade!” satoru claps his hands, and you deadpan, rolling your eyes.

“don’t kill my kid.” you mutter, shaking your head as you turn, ignoring the way satoru’s smile settles into something a little more genuine. heartfelt, maybe.

truth be told, you’d trust satoru with everything and more. you worry and fret, but at the end of the day, he’ll still be there. he’s been stuck to you like glue for years now, and it didn’t help that you practically live under the same roof. different rooms, but realistically having no actual space. it’s nice, and you really do hold him in your heart deeply. at an arm’s length.

you end up being stuck with cooking dinner yet again — satoru winning because otherwise he’d ’poison the kids’ (which, you think is stupid because he could easily just follow a recipe. also, he’s used that excuse before.) — and it’s like clockwork, a routine, when you find yourself sat across from him on the couch afterwards, tsumiki and megumi long gone in their respective rooms.

you’ve found that gojo satoru acts a bit differently when it’s just the two of you. less irritable, and easier to talk to; you’ve noticed this since you met him. his voice gets quieter, the blindfold comes off, his hair falls, and you’re presented with a more raw version. and maybe the kids get a different version too, but you find that hard to believe when megumi’s distaste is so palpably strong.

“movie?” satoru asks, peeking at you through narrow eyes. his face is a little smushed by his palm as he leans against the armrest, and there’s a lazy smile on his face. he looks kinda tired, weirdly enough. exhaustion is so foreign on his face that it looks almost fake. you wonder how much he slept last night, spotting hints of darkness beneath the pretty blue of his vision.

you think it’s strange that you don’t get sick of his presence, even after all this time. that’s it’s forever missed more than loathed. you’re always in such close proximity, practically doing everything together, and yet you find that crave him every second he’s not beside you. pitifully, it might just be the attachment issues you’ve subconsciously formed, and have unfortunately plagued satoru with. but that reason just seems a little too sad for you to fully admit. everything realistic is somehow bitter. you softly sigh, momentarily closing your eyes.

you’d love to stay, just to hear his idiotic rambles and comments. they always brought more substance than the film itself. and he’s been gone all day. you rub your forehead, feeling a small inkling of guilt.

“i have a mission later.” you reply, apologetically, and smile sincerely. “but when i come back, yes.”

an active report coming from a town over — information on paper only describing the energy as ‘ominous.’

“oh,” satoru’s eyes widen, and though you’re unable to read the exact emotion on his face, he seems a little alarmed. nearly wincing. he’s kinda upset that you didn’t tell him sooner, that being visibly clear — but then again, did you really have an obligation to? he didn’t really tell you whenever he had missions. but that was because he’d return in a few quick hours every time. satoru didn’t like being gone for too long either. he never dragged out his departures; he hated to leave you by yourself, even if the kids were with you. it feels a little cruel. you watch his eyes dart towards the windows, and he shifts, facing you. the movement is a little awkward, and he pauses before his speaks, hesitant with his words. “want me to go with you? it’s kind of late.”

it’s sweet that he asks.

“satoru,” you chuckle, tilting your head. “it’s a couple of second grades. i’ll be fine.”

a little white lie, but you craved some action. satoru always got stuck with the interesting missions, and even then they posed no such threat to him. all of your assignments were simple, too easy to be considered enjoyable. if this was going to be the route you were taking in life, — exorcising curses — then you could at least make it somewhat fun.

satoru can tell something’s off. you’re too dismissive, and you won’t look at him directly. but he feels as though it’s not his place to scold you, and he trusts you dearly, so he ignores his gut.

“alright.” he shrugs, his arms moving behind his head as they nonchalantly cross, contrasting the way he feels a little unusual. “call me if you need anything.”

•••

december brings cold winter air, and you blow into your palms, attempting to warm the skin that’s begun to grow a little numb.

more people should go on nightly walks, you think. maybe then it’d be more calming. every street you’ve turned to is nearly empty, the only comfort being provided by dim overhead lights. but you suppose you’ve gone through more fearsome events, so this shouldn’t really be that big of a deal.

it’s a little frustrating to be walking around so aimlessly. the report gave no specific location, just the brief mention of a couple of previous sightings. by now, they’d more-than-likely dispersed to other areas.

you’re slightly tempted to call satoru for some help, as you’ve never been the best at detecting curses at a long-range, but you refrain.

it was late, and you know he’d probably never let you live it down.

satoru would never say ‘no’ to you. but there comes a price with that reliability and expectancy. small instances, like when you caught a cold, and had asked him to order for you at a coffee shop because your voice had been to sore to do so. he complied, but not without a relentless amount of teasing, even going to far as to lie to the barista, saying ‘sorry, she’s just really shy.’ he lived for your embarrassment, and it was generally harmless, so you couldn't reprimand him for it.

but sometimes every time, he’d have his own small apology. like how right after you had returned home, there was soup coincidentally ordered on your front porch.

satoru had walked inside without looking at you.

he can be tolerable. rarely.

you're nearly persuaded to go back home, midnight beginning to take a toll on your tired eyes. as far as you were aware, the curses hadn't caused harmful havoc. but it'd be pretty humiliating to head back without a small victory, and even then you'd probably stay up feeling guilty.

unintelligible whispers break you out of your thoughts, and you blink, eyes scanning the area.

goosebumps arise, and your head turns.

finally.

you nearly jump when you see it, though keep your composure, standing straighter.

it’s hardly detectable, as it stands. fairly large too. it might actually be a second grade.

you huff, brows furrowing as you inspect the curse. this was the cause of the ‘ominous’ energy? you feel it, but it’s looks don’t work well with it’s written description. maybe you’d be heading home sooner than you expected.

your hand reaches behind you to grab your weapon, and you move forward, testing to see how fast it’s reflexes are.

it doesn’t move.

you pause, rolling your eyes briefly.

“at least put up a fight, dude.” you mumble, nearly sighing as it continues to plainly watch you. you walk a little closer, up until you’re only a few feet away, and hum. “you’re not the brightest…”

you insert your weapon back into it’s sheath, and stare. it’s been a while since you’ve had the chance to see a curse so closely. they’re all usually extremely reactive, not sparing you a second before attacking. violence is their prime instinct; the main thought in their heads.

when you reach your hand to poke it, and it still doesn’t budge, you know something is wrong.

oh.

your entire body stills, and you’re certain that you feel your stomach drop to the floor.

something felt familiar.

confirming your terrible suspicions, the curse disappears in front of your very eyes. not exorcised. you’re staring at the empty space that it once occupied, too bothered by the fact that your heartbeat has picked up ten times faster.

you almost reach for your phone, but stop, feeling as though it wouldn't be the wisest decision.

this suddenly all feels a little too calculated. you don’t even attempt to grab your weapon again.

shock numbs your bones. it bleeds through and renders you useless.

you hear your name before you see him, and you figure it feels the same as the nearly-fatal slash toji had given you almost a decade ago. so painful that it makes your heart stop. it’s spoken with such intimate fondness — too much for your poor heart to comprehend.

his ubiquity is so daunting that you’re sure all time ceases to exist.

you don’t want to turn around. you want to run, flee before you know it’s too late. before you hear him speak, and the world comes crashing down all over again. you’ve tried so hard to piece it back together. every tiny detail - you’re not sure if you’d be able to start over. why now? when you’ve finally been better. when you finally believed that normality was even possible to achieve.

but you’ve always naturally given into him, and that habit stays strong even after all these years. you think he knows that too.

it’s with upmost hesitance that you turn around.

you’re not sure what to do.

he’s a sight for sore eyes. healing, beautifully transparent. a dear smile, inviting you closer. or more like a predator awaiting it’s prey. your body is giving you every negative cue, yet your legs stay in place, submissive to his presence that’s been so horrendously missed.

he a little looks older. or maybe that’s just the unfamiliar sight of all his hair down.

“hi.”

a part of you thinks that if you ignore him for long enough, he might disappear. leave you alone, as he’s chosen to do before. he’s lost the right to be welcomed.

fury is really the only emotion you could accurately pinpoint. you hate how soft he speaks. you hate it more than anything.

if you could stomach it, you’d ask him to close his eyes and turn the other direction. you’ve always been weak when he looks at you so intently, as if studying you to the finest detail. but you refuse to be the one to look away first - you selfishly crave his attention more than you value your own self-respect.

and as suguru looks at you, he thinks you’ve made it impossibly more difficult to do anything but beg for undeserving forgiveness. he’s staring at reflective streams, seeing as they slowly trail down your face. it must feel nice to be falling tears, symbolic of raindrops returning to the ocean. he’d like to sit in front of the ocean again. with you, being careless teenagers just for a little longer. but the ocean brings back bitter memories and the thoughts of a certain brunette child, so he refrains from thinking further.

“… don’t cry.”

it’s not a command of any sort, but instead a quiet plea. you’re too pretty for tears. too pretty for pain, too pretty for this unfair life he’s plagued you with.

he watches your eyes visibly widen, and your hand raises quickly, using your sleeve to wipe remnants of your intense emotions. it stains your skin a bit red from how roughly you move, lashes dismally coated with the aftermath.

“i’m not—“ and you huff, your throat feeling tight. your head bows by instinct, and you shake it firmly. you press your palms to your eyes for a few seconds, pushing harshly, as if the pressure could ease some of the shock, or ground you in any way. “i’m not fucking crying.”

cautiously, suguru nods. he’ll play into you, listen to everything you say even if it’s not entirely truthful. anything to make his appearance less daunting and harmful. he waits for you to speak, knowing the sound of his voice may not be as pleasant as he had hoped. he’s not sure what he was expecting.

battered already, in so much internal sorrow you might collapse, you breathe as deeply as you are able to. it shakes, and you opt to biting your lip instead.

harrowing disbelief is tainting your skin and bones, and it feels hopeless to even try understanding why he’s here. waltzing right back into your life, bewitchingly present. words linger, staying on the tip of your tongue as you internally battle yourself to release them. release you.

the air smells like rain. and you think — all this anger, it was once was love.

“i hate you.”

and there’s a frown on your lips, trembling as you try to muster up all of the loathe, resentment, and frustration into those three words.

it fails. because the admission is not of truth — if anything, it’s guilt. for the sole reason that you know your feelings stand the exact opposite.

you hate suguru for leaving you. not him as a person; him as a thought. a thought that consistently runs rampant through your mind, adding fuel to a prevalent fire that refuses to be extinguished. and you imagine that he likes that he still has that effect on you, because the hauntingly serene smile he holds doesn’t even falter, not for a second.

you’re forced to stare at him with that expression, and it feels wickedly taunting. not as comforting as it had before.

“that’s alright.”

it’s all he puts out into the air, and that gentle tone he holds kinda makes you want to hit him. he’s not like satoru — you’re sure he’d let you. but suguru can sense your agonizing heartbreak. he’d sense everything about you with his eyes closed. and he feels guilty for making you reopen old wounds, but he’s unaware that they’ve never been given a chance to properly heal.

geto suguru sees a little bit of you in everything lovely. the sun shining in the morning, the smiles on two pretty little girl’s faces, the moon casting a dim halo over the world at night.

you’ve only become a greater treasure. one to be cherished, to be adored. he’s missed you in his sight more than anything. you’re still a angel on earth, incredulously beautiful. even with tears, even with that despaired look on your face. he’s fighting every urge in his body to not step closer and mend your broken self.

he’d like to run his fingers over your soul and pour his love into each crack he finds.

“give me a few minutes. that’s all i need.”

he’d prefer an eternity. but he thinks that he’s asked for something reasonable.

it’s expected when you scoff, glaring daggers with blurry vision. but it doesn’t make it any less painful.

suguru can take it. he deserves it.

“please.”

the distaste on your face refuses to falter.

you crave to love without it having consequences.

since when had caring become so much of a burden? it’s evil, honestly. maybe stone-cold was the way to go. nanami might be on to something.

“stop this, suguru.” you whisper, hand sliding down your face in frustration as you let out a bitter sigh that lacks any amusement. “leave me alone.”

he savors the way his name sounds on your tongue, the drawn-our syllables holding the same familiar care of nearly a decade ago. it feels longer, too much time spent away from you. it lightens his aura, makes his senses heightened in almost a feral way. you speak of him like fate.

old habits refuse to die, and he stays where he is, the same face of persuasion used as he outwardly refuses your answer.

“kill me, then.” he shrugs, and he thinks he might actually die from the way your frown falters into shock once again. his smile twitches, nearly threatening to downcast.

it should be what you do.

suguru was a dead man. that fact hadn’t slipped your mind. you remember when satoru saw him, in the flesh, after the sentence. he couldn’t bring himself to kill him then, and you could briefly recall the look on his face when you softly told him you could eventually do it if he wasn’t able to. that solemn twinge, knowing something you wouldn’t admit out loud.

because satoru knew, better than anyone around, that if you went through with it, it would break you past the point of repair.

suguru, seemingly satisfied with your stillness, steps a bit closer.

it kinda feels like doom. you think the world may stop for a moment, and that all the bad things in life will come and finish you off. that death will take your hand, guiding you, kinder than anything that’s ever really touched it. because what it’s held before has cursed it.

when his hands reach up, you expect a knife in the throat — any consequence for the stupidity of your compliance. but the blades are soft, and they raise to hold your face. gently, as if earning the trust of a stray kitten. because they’re not blades, they’re his hands. he feels you shaking against them. and it’s odd that all tranquility really needs is a certain sight; reassurance in the form of a graceful being who has been absent for too long. you don’t move. you’re unable to. instead, you stare, taking in a lost future. hair you used to brush yourself, eyes that would watch you with such visible adoration. they still do, and that realization alone has your head hurting.

you feel his thumb wipe below your eye, and it feels cold over your heated skin. suguru sighs, his eyebrows furrowing ever-so-slightly.

“you’re very beautiful.”

it’s spoken almost hopelessly, as if the admission physically hurts for him to say. in a way, it does. he’s let go of one of the last devotions to you that he’s kept bottled inside of him, because he knows this might be the last time he sees you. he has to let everything go. you need to know what he thinks of you, how important you are. how he’s submitted his soul to the disaster of loving you since you were teenagers.

by the way his eyes narrow, and his pupils grow just a tiny bit bigger, your eyes widen, and you’re pushing him away instantly.

you know what comes next. you’re able to predict it before it’s able to horrifically conjure itself out loud.

“no, suguru.”

he follows after you, a firm yet gentle hold on your forearms stopping you from completely leaving. you’re already shaking your head, biting your lip as it threatens to quiver. he’s trapping you, and he knows he’s already won.

“let me.” he coos, rubbing the skin of your trembling limbs. and you try to convince yourself that you shouldn’t sympathize, or fall for that sweet, missed voice of his. how he’s just a stranger you unfortunately know everything about. to ignore gentle aura you’ve missed so much that you felt as though you’ve never been able to get a grip on the pain in your chest. “let me say it.”

you’re not built for this, not capable enough to take another harrowing blow.

“leave — fucking, leave.” you seethe, frantically attempting to pull your arms back, though his hold has gotten stronger, and the fight that you have left in you is quickly diminishing by the second. there’s a moment — the tiniest sliver of time — where you stumble, and you’re being pushed closer to him before you can blink.

“you don’t want me to.” suguru shakes his head, eyeing you carefully as you stop your movements. it’s declarative.

you’d like to slap him. knock some common sense into his head because, obviously. you never wanted him to. not when you were sixteen, not now, not ever.

it’s just defense. because you cruelly know that letting him in will just make everything worse. walls were needed for protection, even if the doors are halfway open.

his hands find themselves cradling your face once more, and he’s pulling you, a small gap being the only distance left between a terrible decision. you’re subconsciously following, body keen on obeying his every move. his gaze feels a little intrusive, looking so intently you have the urge to turn your head and close your eyes. your breath is shaky, and you feel a little light-headed.

you wonder if anyone else in the world has ever loved someone this terribly.

hastily, your hands place themselves on his chest with an attempt to push him away, but they stay pliant. you look at him, incredulously.

“what is wrong with you?”

it’s clear when his expression darkens a little, and he dejectedly looks to the side. you catch his eyes widening a bit, the harshness of your tone foreign, because you’ve only ever spoken to him with such tender care. you’re spewing out words with cracks in your voice, nearly whispering because you’re afraid that if you speak any louder, it’ll truly start a storm.

“you… you kill people, leave me — leave everyone — and then…” your eyes close, and you feel the liquid trailing down your cheeks again before you’re able to stop it. you can’t finish your sentence, too busy holding your breath to calm a threatening sob.

it feels like you’re sixteen again, and everything is crumbling.

his arms move slowly as they wrap themselves around you, and you feel even more inclined to cry when he presses your head against his chest. like he’s done dozens of times before. he sucks, the world sucks. this comfort is long overdue, and you still can’t find it in yourself to complain, simply succumbing to the pressure of his presence. you’d like to hug your younger self. because she needed this, even if it can’t really count as closure. even if you currently felt your knees buckling from beneath you.

“i wish i could take away the pain, pretty girl.”

suguru won’t give you false apologies. he only feels guilt for causing you harm. he dislikes how pain looks on your face, and he wants to tell you that he’s unable to sleep at night without you, that every day is a challenge. that truthfully, the ache is mutual. but he has something to accomplish, and you stand on opposing sides.

the two of you are stubborn people.

“take it,” you tremble, and your arms are already around him, despite the screams in your mind. he feels safe. he feels like everything and more. “please, please, take it.”

the pleading in your voice makes suguru feel horribly ill, and he tightens his grip on you, not really knowing what else to do.

it’s worse when you’re the perpetrator. the criminal, the evil. he wonders what your life might have looked like without him in it — how happy you could have been. should’ve been.

but there’s been bad things — events that he’s sure might had ended horrifically differently without his existence.

he wonders how your scar looks, now.

suguru’s fingers are firm as they reach below your chin, and he forces your eyes to meet once more. they’re red and glossy, but still undeniably captivating. he’d like to look at them forever.

“i would, if it were that easy. i promise you.”

you believe him. it could be from the genuine strain in his voice, or your muddled brain that’s clawing to escape your own head. what good is a healthy mind?

he’s saying your name again, and it’s quieter this time. more intimate. you don’t cower, you stay, even huddling the tiniest bit closer. you’ve given up on composure, you’ll let him selfishly have you. besides, it feels nice when he’s treating you so delicately. hands ghosting over your cheeks, eyes that admire your desperate, sad ones. you don’t stop him this time, numbly prepared for the aftermath.

he pauses, trailing his thumb over your jaw, and swallowing thickly. he’s never quite looked normal. always too perfect in comparison to everything else. he smiles, and you see a hint of something that you can’t really classify as full joy.

“i love you.”

the world doesn’t end.

you’re still looking at him, thinking that it will for a moment. instead, you see bashful pink.

‘i love you’ is such a tricky sentence. it’s powerful, meaningful, and could also be a lie. the power of speech is that there really are no limits, and you suppose that’s what makes bad people. sometimes.

he toys with the collar of your shirt, briefly, and lets out a breath of amusement through his nose. suguru feels lighter. and simultaneously horrible. he tilts his head, barely, his voice quiet.

“will you let me kiss you? even if you hate me?”

there’s a little teasing in that sentence, and he nudges his nose across the side of your face affectionately. you’re unaware of how hard his heart beats against his chest as soon as he asks.

you’re sixteen once more, and you’re silently nodding before you’re able to think further.

you’re imagining fairytales you can’t believe in.

it’s hard to determine how long you’ve thought about it. his lips on yours. your hands are in his hair and on his face nearly immediately. you’d trade a lot of things to be this close for longer — you wish to be combined. and he’s soft. he’s so soft you dread taking your hands off of him. if heaven was a place on earth, it’d be this.

pitiful.

he tastes sweet, like a forgotten dream. butterflies suffocate your insides as you stand, and your knees feel a little weaker. suguru is a bit impatient with his movements, hands trailing down your sides to squeeze and caress. his touch feels hot and is hastily done, but gentle nonetheless. you feel his lips curl up against yours, and your stomach flips.

you rather not pull away. pulling away brings back reality, and fantasy is really all you want. if you kiss him a bit harder, and close your eyes a little longer, you’re able to stay.

he pulls back first.

you’re breathing heavy, eyes wide as they bore into his. he might be the most precious thing in your life, and you’re not sure if you’re able to let him go. you’re afraid that you’ll love him forever, and that you’ll never be in the same place again. this feels cruelly temporary, and you know it is. by the way his expression settles, and the way he repeats those three words so quietly, it’s meant for only you to hear. a fact.

“i love you.”

you swallow thickly, in a haze that’s caused just by his very being. a drug-like addiction, and you feel so content it’s like you’re home.

suguru knows you won’t say it back. and in all honesty, he prefers it that way. it’s what’s best. what matters most is that he knows you mean to. he’s able to read that lovestruck wonder on your face so easily it makes him warm. it was both a relief and horror to be known so perfectly. you, who still wears your heart on your sleeve. he’s forever grateful that you’ve always been so giving, so selfless when it comes to him. he feels as though he abuses your sweet compassion.

you tug on his sleeve.

“we can work something out.” you whisper against him, and suguru knows he’s gone too far. he’s tensing, and his eyes are anxious, a small shake of his head contrasting your nods. “i’m yours. i’m yours before anything else.”

heart, mind, body, soul. you’re bonded for life, and you’ve known that since you were young.

“oh, no, baby.” suguru hurriedly answers, and the desperation in your voice, the way you clutch on to him a little tighter, has his head reeling. he’s panicking. “you’re better where you are, sweet girl.”

you know his mind is made up, that it’s fruitless to try, but you’re so blinded by desires that you don’t even care that you’re begging him. he’s mean, doing this to you. there is no ultimatum or other decision - this is it. you’re just destined to be separate, and that hurts to realize, so you’re glad he’s cushioning the blow. just enough for you to keep standing.

suguru is complicated. he hates that he is, he hates what his life has brought him (the only exception being the beauty of the people in his past; you included), but he’s certain that you’re safer as it is. golden and pure. with satoru, with shoko. and you’re strong. you’re so strong he can’t put it into words.

maybe he had some reasonable motives — riko’s death, yours and satoru’s near deaths, haibara’s death — but they’ve shaped him. shaped you, more, as it seems. you continue your life, even after it’s been tainted red, and blackened with misery. satoru, the same. you can take a bit more. you’ve gone through the worst of it. at least — it’s what he selfishly tells himself.

it was stupid to come see you. kiss you, at that. but he can’t bring himself to regret even slightly. if he’s considered evil, barbaric, he’ll gladly take the titles if it meant spending more moments with you. it’s cruel, not malicious.

you’re still his person. but he can’t have you fully — at least, not in this lifetime.

suguru isn’t really sure he could pass on the torch so easily. to give you up completely — the most ultimate sacrifice. where there would be a possibility of his replacement, and the loss of his heart. he can’t trust anyone with loving you; no one can really love you like he does. he’ll take pride in that.

“you’re going to live a long, happy life.” suguru quietly assures, nudging his nose against yours. your eyes are tightly shut, overall avoidant. this might be a nightmare, if you believe hard enough. “find someone who loves you, and you easily will, do everything-“

“i don’t want anyone else.” you interrupt, eyes narrowing as they open, like the idea is something of the unthinkable. “you’d be stupid to think i do.”

this might be worse than unrequited love, you think. every feeling is mutual, besides the belief that you should be together. he’s the bane of your existence. and that kills.

suguru is reasonable. you understand his refusals, why the two of you can’t be — how immaturely you’re thinking about this. you can’t leave your life behind for him, it’d be asking for your own death sentence and the loss of everything left that’s good in your life.

you can’t create a cycle, as much as it pains for you to come to terms with.

“i can’t have you, pretty girl.” suguru sighs, trying to ignore the way his voice wavers the tiniest bit. he’s growing desperate in persuasion, but even he falls flat against the situation. “i want to, so bad, but it’s not right. we’re not right.”

your chest feels tight as you stare up at him.

you wonder, truly, if he’s aware of all the turmoil he’s caused; that he’s let happen, because he never even came back to offer a mere shoulder for support. he simply left you in the dust.

it hurts to hear, especially coming from lips that had been pressed so wonderfully against yours. you still can’t bring yourself to hate him.

you used to fear irrational ideas. that if you let someone in, take care of you, you wouldn’t really be yourself anymore. independency never worked well, and you’ve strung on a bit too hard to a knight in shining armour. a being like icarus, who’s flown too close to the sun. you were right, it seems.

you’ve lost, and it kills to realize.

bitterly, you remember hearing some time ago that ‘it gets easier.’ or better. it’s been repeated to you, multiple times. the reality is, you’re not too sure. what gets easier is maybe the coping. but even that is still evil and painful.

hopeless, you stand, and your voice feels hoarse.

“… suguru?”

how can you hate something so natural? when it feels as though those syllables are meant to be spoken in repetition. his name means excellence; to surpass all.

suguru looks at you, eyes previously occupied with gazing upwards to avoid an act of human emotion. they mirror yours, glossy and faintly red. no visible tears. he has the self-control you lack.

but you can be a little selfish.

“can you…” you take a deep breath, and lean a little forward, resting your head in the crook of his neck to escape a reaction. if he feels the liquid of your tears, he doesn’t comment on them. he’s awfully warm. you’d like to lay in bed with him under a summer sun again. you’re trying to force every part of him into your memory while he’s pressed to closely against you. how his hair tickles your neck, the security of his loving arms keeping you from physical harm, how pretty he looks up close.

it’s not greedy to ask for a final request, you think.

“can you stay with me, then? for a few more minutes?”

an innocent question, while he’s been nothing but cruel. despite everything, you’re still you.

it reminds him of his youth. when you and satoru would get into playful arguments, gaining a few steps on him, only for you to turn back and check that he was still there. or when you would return from missions, him being the first person you looked for every time, just to let him know you came back safely.

sometimes, you’d come back a bit battered up, and instead of confiding in shoko for help like any other person would, you trusted him with treating the wounds. all natural, because that meant you got to spend more time together. human bodies are fragile things. he realized the true extent of that after toji. you really can’t take anything for granted.

so it’s really no wonder why he fell in love with you. why he came to fully accept it. and his belief stands strong — anyone would. angels are irresistible, he finds. he would sometimes see wings.

suguru’s glad you can’t see his face. because maybe then, you’d catch the sight of a reflective shimmer trailing down his cheek.

the embodiment of your dreams, hopes, and desires holds you so gently, a little tighter now. he nods against you, but it feels disconnected, because he’s faded into darkness that has already consumed him. too far gone.

time is nothing for now.

and you wonder if it actually does get better, or if everyone is just lying to you.

•••

september, 2018.

“sensei?”

blinking slowly, you immediately straighten at the sight of three towering figures above your relaxed position.

there’s a panic that sets in at the recognition of how watery your eyes feel, and your head turns in an instant to cough awkwardly, avoiding their stares.

it’s around noon, judging by how pleasantly the sun shines through the window, and how awake your students look. yuji liked to sleep in sometimes.

“did i zone out for a bit?” you mindlessly chuckle, the words feeling a little strange on your tongue. you might have a migraine from how much your head is hurting. “i didn’t get too much sleep last night, sorry guys.”

your smile radiates a reassuring warmth, and the concern on their faces leaves by the time you look back at them. if jujustu didn’t work, maybe you could take up acting.

“we finished the warmups you instructed!” nobara beams, short hair flowing after her as she proudly stands. she glances at yuji, her eyes narrowing. “well, me and fushiguro did.”

yuji shoves her.

nobara has always reminded you of rough recovery rooms and gentle curing hands. it makes you a bit nauseous, the nostalgia of it all.

the sight of the whole trio sometimes felt like daggers digging into your heart, stabbing greedy wounds into open gashes before they have a chance to heal.

brighter days for them, a dull ache for you.

“you weren’t awake yet-“

“i told you to wake me up!”

“you did not!”

yuji and nobara bicker for a second, and you feel a little overwhelmed.

because since these two have set foot on campus, they had seemed oddly familiar. unbeknownst to them, but relentlessly distressing for you. you’re silent as you observe, the uncomfortable pit in your stomach staying clear as day. stubborn, because that’s only natural for you.

more than a decade has passed — nearly three years since your last encounter, almost a year after his death, and yet here you are. the hurt just as strong, because you’ve realized that the pain will never fully go away, and you suppose you’ll have to adapt to living with it forever.

but you’re grateful. though you couldn’t go back to the way things were, you have a chance at stopping the cycle. after all, you know little about what the future has in store for them.

you hope it’s kind. you want those grins to stay permanently, for their youth and innocence to linger for as long as possible. because you never had that luxury. the end of your purity was far too quick, adult emotions flooding your senses. you’d do anything to keep them from feeling like you.

plus, you’re allowed to grieve over the child you could’ve been.

“alright, alright,” you blink, interrupting them before their voices can get any louder. they immediately quiet down, turning to you expectantly. it freaks you out a little.

you were still relatively new to whole teaching thing, not used to being followed so attentively. it felt weird to give orders — to have them be listened to, really. satoru was more of a natural, his cheekiness benefitting him perfectly. even if the students found him undeniably strange.

“give me ten minutes and i’ll meet you outside.” you wave a hand, pointing to yuji. “and sorry kiddo, you’re doing some laps for getting up late.”

you fight a smile as you witness a pout form on his lips, nobara’s laugh drowning out his whining. you’d probably only make him run one, but it was always amusing to lie to his face. you adored yuji — he was a bundle of joy graciously given to the universe. it’s pure luck that he ended up with you.

you watch as nobara drags him out, your head resting on your palm, softly chuckling. they complimented each other well. like siblings, you think.

your head turns, finally facing eyes that hadn’t strayed away from you since you woke up from your daydream. it's like a sixth sense now. you know when he's looking at you, when he seems genuinely bothered. it took time to know him. he’s a hard shell to crack.

“you don’t get special privileges, megs.” you snort, motioning your head towards the door. “go join them, i just need some time to wake up.”

megumi looks unimpressed (and honestly, when does he not?), sighing softly before coming closer. the cushion beside you sinks as he sits, and you raise a brow questionably. his voice is blunt, quiet as it fills the room.

“you think too much.”

it surprises you a little, but you’ve come to learn that megumi is rarely predictable, and to always expect the unexpected.

“do i?” you muse, your smile visibly weakening as you softly laugh.

he was too aware of everything, perception like no other. he reminded of you of suguru sometimes, behavior so nonchalant in comparison to the rest of the world. they were both silent observers.

megumi nods, and you realize he’s rather close, only a few inches away from grazing your skin. touch was something megumi struggled with growing up, so you never pushed it on him; you hated making him uncomfortable, while satoru could care less. the giant didn’t understand boundaries. but sometimes, movie nights in his adolescence led to him latching on to you in his sleep. he had his moments.

it makes the action of his hand raising, pressing your head into his shoulder, much more meaningful.

“don’t think.”

megumi’s never been one for melodramatic situations. growing up, he’d used to complain when tsumiki would force him to watch disney movies with her, getting visibly annoyed when he’d spot her tears during more heartfelt scenes. you never brought up the fact that he’d let her rest her head on his shoulder (you secretly wonder if that’s why he’s doing that now), or would rub her back. megumi’s not kind, per say, but he knows how to secretly love (in his own, strange way. similar to satoru), and you think that’s more important than anything.

“that’d be cool.” you sigh, closing your eyes. your eyelids feel heavy on your face, and you try not to get too comfortable, remembering that you’d have to get up in a few minutes. “wish it were that simple.”

megumi hums, staring straight ahead.

your past is a secret to him, tightly kept in the confinements of your heart. and that's really the only hint he's ever needed to know that it still affects you. satoru, the same. he knew little about your lives before he came into the picture, only hearing bits and pieces when you and satoru would get a bit sleep-drunk and giggle about old memories. he's always tried his best to listen, soaking in any details he can. people are generally more honest and open when physically tired. it's why they confess things during late night conversations, and why the flow of words comes out more natural.

you were different from the idiot that had originally taken him in. megumi can scream from every rooftop that he hated gojo satoru (despite it being secretly untrue), but you? the mediator, who he looked up to more than anything? impossible, it’d be criminal.

maybe you disliked seeming hopeless in front of him, but he didn't mind that vulnerability. he wished you'd trust him with it more — that you knew he would never dream of judging you. he's not too well with words, or communicating, really, so he's also not too sure how to tell you. a double-edged sword.

"you're okay, though — right?"

his eyes glance downwards towards you, dark blue highlighting the inklings of concern. it's not awkward when he asks.

he has a heart, despite satoru's beliefs.

heart warmed, you grin, raising your head to look at him with crinkled narrowed eyes.

you find it funny how the world works. going in some strange, bittersweet chain of events because here you were, caring for the life of a dead man’s son while he had permanently tainted yours. and you're happy. not completely, but sun shines through. the blinds are halfway open.

something that had once seemed so dark has been becoming technicolor.

"yeah." you nod, sincerely, and pat his cheek gently, stifling a laugh when his face scrunches in silent disapproval. "thank you for asking. really."

his face gently pulls away from your touch, and you can tell he's slightly flustered, just a tad embarrassed at your small affection. you're grateful for him, unbelievably thankful for the bits of effort he's always put into caring about you (and tsumiki. and maybe the tiniest bit for satoru. tiny.). a true blessing.

gingerly, he stands up, hands in his pockets as he glances at you again, double-checking. you smile.

he only continues to walk towards the door when you give him a nod in reassurance.

you're left staring at your hands when he leaves, a soft sigh escaping your lips. some days are harder than others. it's the toss of a coin, no chances pre-determined. you simply wake up to the surprise every time.

admittedly, you miss the version of you that doesn’t really exist anymore. naive, but more open. fearless and valiant, only ever seeking improvement. you feel bitter that you took that time of your life for granted.

you’ve found that everything’s felt easier, though. something in the air is different.

“hey, did you leave the kids outside? it's hot out there and they're complaining like crazy-“

you hear footsteps come to a halt, and your head tilts up, finding satoru in it's vision. he stands in place by the door, eyes wide as he stares.

"hey," you nonchalantly wave, stretching to alleviate the soreness in your muscles. "i'll be out in a second."

you attempt to get up from your seat, but satoru ushers towards you, stopping you from successfully moving.

"woah, woah, woah — what’s got you so blue?” he asks, scanning over you briefly. there's a light-hearted smile on his face, and if you didn't know him well enough, you might have mistaken it for amusement. but it's down-casted slightly, and he's looking at you a little too intently.

you snort, rolling your eyes playfully, “i’m not blue.”

satoru blinks, unappreciative of the response that he can only justify was from being around him too often.

“fine — what’s wrong with you?” he corrects himself bluntly, crossing his arms. your eyes follow him as he takes a seat beside you, and you internally sigh, thinking about how you’ve left your three students to perish under the sun.

you wave a hand dismissively, "nothing.”

“aw, c’mon,” satoru drawls, and you have half a mind to complain when he sprawls himself over your lap, his eyewear pushed upwards and off his face as he looks up at you. the blue twinkles, even under the fluorescent lighting. “you’ve never been a good liar.”

“okay, now that’s a lie. a bad one.” you scoff, poking his nose. “i’m a talented actress. oscar worthy.”

he playfully winces, narrowing his eyes at you. “no one’s ever been honest with you before, huh?”

“who needs opinions?” you roll your eyes, nudging his head softly. “it’s all about self-love now.”

“yeah, yeah,” satoru whistles, peering up from one eye, the other closed as he visibly relaxes against you. “see how far that takes you.”

you gasp dramatically, “mean.”

the corner of his lips quirks up, and his familiar smirk returns.

banter was natural with satoru. it was hard to take anything seriously with him around.

he brings joy in mundaneness.

“you shouldn’t trust megumi, y’know.”

confused, you pause, looking at him questionably.

“why?” you ask, and you’re internally conflicted as you attempt to recall every recent memory in your head that’s a classified secret. or, something you’ve generally told megumi as of late. nothing comes to mind.

“dunno. he told me something was wrong with you when i walked past him right now.”

your eyes widen, and you groan, head falling back against the couch’s soft exterior.

traitor.

“so,” satoru continues, and his voice is softer, a little more serious. “really — what’s wrong?”

it’s always been pointless to beat around the bush with satoru. he’s impatient, immature, and wonderful. a bad mix that makes you wonder how it’s even possible that he’s generally likable.

“nothing.” you emphasize, rubbing your head in slight annoyance. “he’s making it up.”

you rather not have this conversation. not while the air is half-hearted, and everything has been steady. but he’s right there. and it might not hurt as much as you think it will.

satoru gawks, mouth open, before poking you harshly. “now you’re calling our son a liar? low blow.”

you huff, “he went lower by betraying me.”

a beat of silence.

“so he was right?” satoru blinks, and he’s sitting up hesitantly, awaiting your voice, or a movement. anything to confirm.

“will you leave me alone if i say no?”

“no? you just admitted he wasn’t lying.”

“oh. yeah.”

you’re smiling lightly, faintly awful because you’re not too sure how wise you’re being. maybe this was only the mature option.

“um… i was just thinking. about him.”

you hadn’t really spoken much about last december. there was no tension or anything — it was just a touchy subject for the both of you.

satoru had more right to be bothered.

you expect his expression to drop — for it to grow uncomfortably quiet, leaving you to voice a regretful apology. you’ve rarely seen satoru break. his joyous front is him in natural form. sorrow doesn’t look right on his face.

he’s only been at his worse around you. and that’s a fact that binds you for life, as dismissive as you two seem to act about it.

angels carry weights off your shoulders, and satoru smiles a little. albeit, visibly bittersweet, but a smile.

“we do that a lot, don’t we?”

he’s stupid, annoying, and infuriating when he looks at you like that. as if you two are similar, and he knows how to ice the bruises on your back.

(he does.)

geto suguru is an enigma. is, because even in death, he’s found a way to stay alive. he lives in memories; in thoughts that keep both of you awake at night.

“i guess i just …” you trail off, staring at the floor. you’d be okay with living the rest of your life by satoru’s side. he’s peace, and he knows you tenderly.

you exhale, a small bitter chuckle leaving your lips.

“i don’t know what to do with all the love i have for him.” you admit, arms laying flat as you shrug with a despaired smile that makes satoru feel a little hollow. your hands flow freely, motioning for a few moments before resting back in your lap. “i don’t know where to put it.”

you haven’t known in years. it’s bundled up, suffocating your insides and exhausting your soul. he’s too well tangled with it.

a lot was left unsaid.

answers you crave, questions that will forever follow.

“i’ll take it.”

satoru grins, and you have to bite back a smile from how infectious his expression is. it radiates sunshine.

you feel his warm hands cup over yours, and he gently rubs across your knuckles with his thumbs, soothing that isolating cold. “you can give it to all of us, actually. but more for me.”

he’s silly, and he’s everything and more.

you wonder if you would’ve made it through without him. he’s impacted your life so heavily, you can’t imagine a world void of his presence.

“you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” you mumble, smile ever-so-visible as you playfully nudge him. satoru nods feverishly.

“i’d adore it.” he’s beaming like the cheshire cat, and your expression falls flat as you await whatever idiotic words would flow out of his mouth next. he brings a finger to his chin and hums.

“you know what, though? maybe give some extra to megumi. but i’m not really sure any love could save that kid. not even a mother’s. he's creepy, i'm telling you-“

“satoru.”

he innocently smiles, eyes closed. “just a suggestion.”

you playfully roll your eyes.

it’s all romanticism until it truly hurts. love seems so small, so trivial, when you’re not being affected.

satoru hides his grief better than you ever could. he copes uniquely, and you suppose his way may even help you a little.

they should invent a healing that is linear, you think. so you can’t fall behind, and you can be all-smiles too.

but you’re close enough.

just the right amount, actually.

601 notes · View notes

huggingkoalas · 2 months

Text

𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | natasha romanoff

pairing — ‧₊˚ avenger!natasha romanoff x fem!retiredavenger!reader

summary — ‧₊˚ natasha loses you three times in the worst way possible

word count — ‧₊˚ 6.6k

warning(s) — ‧₊˚ angst, no happy ending, mentions of alcohol consumption, breaking up, cursing, mentions of cheating, pet names, car accident, panic attacks, jealousy, medical rooms, amnesia, mentions of therapy

authors note — ‧₊˚ yes, this was a series. i’ve decided this multi-chapter into a oneshot instead because of how much this fic has emotionally affected me :’) this fic means a lot to me but it’s also a reminder of someone really dear to me that i lost recently. i’ve lost count of how many times i cried while writing the ending, and i’m so sorry if the ending seems rushed </3

Natasha was always full of confidence, loyalty and fierceness. She never backed down from a fight, especially excelling in close hand-to-hand combat where her ability was intimidating. Ruthless and exceptionally efficient and skilled at her job, she struck fear into anyone who had the misfortune to cross the Black Widow’s path.

But that was at work. And at home? There was a big difference. While her enemies were always on their knees at the end of a fight, begging her for mercy to spare their lives, she was on her knees this time. Natasha Romanoff — one of the founding members of the Avengers, an agent of S.H.I.E.LD., a professional assassin and your wife — was currently on her knees, begging for your forgiveness.

“I’m sorry, moya lyubov’ (my love). Forgive me, please.” She begged, tears gathering in her eyes.

Your shadow loomed over the kneeling redhead. Holding your breath and trying to keep your tears at bay, you pursed your lips together, not trusting yourself to speak in a steady voice.

“Please, I’ll do anything.” With trembling hands on her lap, Natasha glanced up at your face. She couldn’t control a sob breaking out from her throat as she saw the saddened expression on your face.

“Am I… not important to you anymore?” You spoke in a quiet voice.

“I…-” With eyes filled with tears, she struggled to find the right words to explain herself. Despite her strength and confidence, Natasha looked vulnerable, almost broken, before you.

“Where were you tonight? Drinking with Bruce and Thor again?” You asked with a shaky breath.

The answer was already clear before Natasha even spoke. There was a faint smell of alcohol lingering in the air, a reminder of her downward spiral in recent months. It pained you to witness the transformation, to see the woman you loved slipping further and further away with each passing day. She had been arriving home late consistently, often in an intoxicated state. Her presence during evenings became a rarity, and you would find yourself sleeping alone in the shared bed at night, longing for the warmth of her presence. You didn’t get to see her in the mornings, too — despite consuming a large amount of alcohol the night prior, Natasha would, without fail, rise early for work the next day before you woke up.

Two months. Two months of Natasha repeating the same apologies. Two months of you backing down every single time and forgiving her when you saw her vulnerable expression. The redhead was truly your weakness, your Achilles heel. Even after she would pour her heart out to you, the same phrases ‘I promise I won’t drink again’ and ‘this is the last time, I swear’, she’d just return to the bar the next day, drinking to her heart’s content. It was as if she’d forgotten her promises to change. As if she had no remorse for her actions, or care for your feelings.

You missed snuggling up beside her after a long day, your head in the crook of her neck as you smelled the familiar vanilla shampoo in her hair. You missed the feeling of her heartbeat against your chest and the softness of her breath against your skin. These days, the smell of alcohol replaced the comforting and soothing scent you were used to.

While Natasha’s current vulnerability displayed her remorse and pain you’d never seen before, you wanted another kind of vulnerability — one where she was there for you and prioritised you first. You longed for her comfort, her reassurance as she held you close and whispered words of love in your ear.

With an exhausted sigh, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of even more disappointment at the sight of the two untouched plates of home-cooked beef stroganoff on the dining table. The tantalising aroma of the beef stroganoff now made you nauseous. It bitterly reminded and mocked you of your meticulous efforts to please your wife. The once-warm meal lay cold since you plated them up three hours ago while you waited for Natasha to return home. Accompanying the two plates were two empty wine glasses, a softly lit candle, and an unopened bottle of red wine. And in the refrigerator sat a baking tray of lemon meringue pie from Natasha’s favourite bakery.

Today held a significant meaning — It marked the second wedding anniversary with the love of your life, Natalia Alianovna Romanova. Throughout the day, you spent hours pouring your heart and soul into preparing each slice of tenderloins as you made the beef stroganoff. Cooking wasn’t your forte, you had to learn how to cook it from websites.

And to add salt to the injury, she never even bothered to return home early, preferring to drown herself in alcohol at the bar with Bruce and Thor.

You thought that if you cooked her favourite dish and bought her favourite dessert, Natasha would come home instead of getting wasted at the bar, right? You were sorely mistaken. You had even persistently messaged her all day, excitedly telling her about the candlelit dinner you had carefully planned for the evening. However, all of your texts went unanswered.

You almost found amusement and humour in your naïvety.

“Y/N/N?” Natasha barely whispered. Her vulnerability differed from the loving and confident person you fell in love with.

“I need some time apart to figure things out, Natasha.” It had been some time since you uttered her full name, always preferring to call her ‘Natty’ or, your personal favourite, ‘sunshine’.

A pang of sorrow tugged at your heart, for Natasha had truly been your sunshine once upon a time. In the beginning, she had truly been like a ray of sunlight, her sweet smile had the power to brighten even the gloomiest of days, her laughter your favourite melody. And now, as you stood before her, the Natasha you once knew and loved had become a distant memory. She was a shadow of her former self, almost unrecognisable to you. She was no longer your sunshine, but a raincloud that drenched you in loneliness and despair.

Your fingers instinctively played with the wedding ring adorning your left hand, tracing its edges and rolling it around your finger to alleviate your anxiety as you awaited her next words. You expected her to refuse and deny your words, to tell you that she needed you in her life, but all you got from her was a single word — “okay.”

Her answer made you scoff.

“That’s it? All I get is an ‘okay’?” You seethed, your hands clenched into tight fists as you let anger consume your words. It was as if your weight of frustration, loneliness and insecurities exploded, the pent-up emotions finally erupting into words. “Did you ever take this relationship seriously, Natasha? Was I nothing more to you than a warm body when you had nightmares and decent fuck when you were horny?”

“I-I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way.” Natasha’s voice wavered as she struggled to find the right words.

“I can’t take this anymore.” You declared, the words spilling from your mouth before you could stop yourself. “Fuck you, Natasha, I’m leaving. Forget taking a break — I never want to see your face again. I wish I had never met you.”

The hurt and shock in her eyes were unmistakable, but you did not regret your harsh words. You’d finally had enough. Enough of her unkept promises, her lies. Her actions spoke louder than words. The silence that followed afterwards was deafening. Natasha looked down, avoiding eye contact with you.

You slid your wedding ring off your finger, using more force than usual as you placed it on the coffee table. The sound of it hitting the table echoed loudly throughout the room. Instead of feeling a weight off your shoulders, a gnawing sense of anxiety and disappointment bubbled in your stomach.

Is this the end of your marriage?

You love, no, loved Natasha, and the weight of the one-sided relationship had become too much for you to bear alone. You wondered if she ever truly cared about you in the first place, or if you were only a distraction from her busy life as an Avenger. You had a nagging feeling that, maybe, she was unsatisfied with being in love with an Avenger-turned-housewife. Maybe she preferred someone like Bruce? You shook your head as the image of Bruce surfaced in your mind. Aware of his crush on your wife, you could not help but wonder if Natasha, had developed feelings for him and hesitated to break your heart with the truth.

Maybe that’s why she’s been spending time with Bruce at the bar.

Was her love ever real then?

And with that, you turned away. You stood before the door, your hand hesitating over the doorknob. You expected Natasha to intervene and stop you from leaving. With a hesitant glance back at her, you observed her entire frame convulsing with sobs, making it even harder to walk away.

You stepped out the door as you couldn’t bear to witness the pain in your favourite green eyes any longer. You knew leaving was the right thing to do, even if it tore you apart inside. As you settled into the driver’s seat and pulled away from the familiar driveway, the haunting image of Natasha’s tear-streaked face lingered in your mind

You had to get far, far away from Natasha. The only other person you could trust is Wanda, your ex-girlfriend and another Avenger. She would be able to comfort you with her soothing presence and words. Tears welled in your eyes and streamed down your cheeks as you navigated the familiar streets to Wanda’s house. The turn of events weighed heavily on your mind, and millions of questions ran through your head.

Lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice the traffic light blaring red ahead. A car from the opposite direction ran right towards you, its glaring light blinding your vision with its intensity. With a sharp breath intake, the tyres’ screeching sound filled the air as you braced yourself for impact.

It could have been seconds, minutes, or hours that Natasha knelt on the wooden floor after you left the house. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. All she knew was that her heart ached. It was as if someone had reached into her chest, grabbed her heart, and thrown it across the room without any care.

She felt overwhelmed. The air felt thick and made it hard for her to breathe as waves of panic coursed through her. She lay in a fetal position, her knees to her chest and her forehead on the floor. Her trembling hands clutched at her chest, desperately trying to calm the racing beats of her heart. Her body could not stop convulsing as tears streamed down her face, blurring the surroundings around her.

Every shallow breath she expelled felt painful, and she felt like she was anchored to the cold ground beneath her. It was as if the room was spinning, and the walls were closing in, trapping her in endless suffering. The ache in her chest mirrored the shattering of her heart.

The events that happened after she came home drunk had sobered her up quickly, and all she felt now was a hollow emptiness. Natasha felt like a complete asshole. She had taken advantage of your kindness and patience and trampled all over it. She took you for granted, and now she was alone in the place she called home.

Home. It was merely a house, but the treasured memories the two of you shared with love and affection made it a home.

Once the waves of a panic attack passed, she craned her neck up to glance around her surroundings. The singular candle you prepared for the candlelit dinner was still burning on the dining table, illuminating the dimly lit living room. Even with the blinds drawn over the windows, she could see outside enough to gauge that sunrise was coming soon.

Unexpectedly, the voice of F.R.I.D.A.Y. shattered the silence as it echoed through the house. “Agent Natasha Romanoff, please come to the Avengers Compound as quickly as possible.”

Natasha groaned softly in response, slowly getting on her feet cautiously. Her knees and arms ached as she got her balance, a painful reminder of how she spent the night in an uncomfortable position.

Even when she chose to live separately from the Avengers, Tony insisted he installed F.R.I.D.A.Y. into the home for ‘extra’ security. A sense of unease gnawed at her. She rarely got an announcement from the A.I. unless necessary, such as an emergency or a last-minute mission.

“Did something happen?” She called out to the A.I., her voice cracking and hoarse from the crying.

“Y/N Romanoff is in the hospital wing, she has suffered critical injuries from a car accident,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied promptly.

Panic surged through her body as she quickly shed last night’s attire. With each distressed movement, thoughts of how badly hurt you were raced through her mind.

Shit. What has she done?

Natasha barged through the doors of the infirmary in the Avengers Compound, her eyes surveying the all-too-familiar place. There were countless times when she had to prioritise tending to her wounds in the infirmary after missions instead of debriefing. The place buzzed with the hum of fluorescent lights, and the antiseptic smell in the air nauseated her. She approached the first medical professional in her sightline, a male nurse.

“Bring me to Y/N Romanoff’s room, now.” She ordered, grabbing the nurse’s uniform collar in a tight fist.

The nurse’s hands struggled under her grasp, choking out. “Y-Yes, Agent Romanoff. This way.”

Letting go of his collar, the male nurse quickly led her down the hallways to your room in fear of angering the assassin further. Her heart raced as she followed behind him, not prepared for how wounded you would look after the car accident. As Natasha entered the room, her fears were confirmed as she saw you. You were lying on the hospital bed, pale and fragile, while hooked up to multiple wires and machines that monitored your every heartbeat and breathing. Your whole body was covered with bandages and bruises, and the sight of your unconscious body supplemented the guilt in her gut.

“Agent Romanoff, we’ve done X-rays, CT scans and an MRI of her body. She has multiple transverse fractures on her clavicle and pelvic bone. She’s suffered a traumatic brain injury from the car accident, and she’s been comatose ever since.”

Before she could question him further, the nurse quickly left the room. She huffed in annoyance. Shrugging off the encounter with the medical professional, she approached your bedside hesitantly, sitting on the chair beside the bed. Taking your cold hand in hers, her index and middle fingers quickly found the pulse point on your wrist.

Your pulse was weak.

Tears welled up in Natasha’s eyes, threatening to spill as she whispered through choked sobs, her voice trembling with emotion “It’s all my fault, I-I’m so sorry. Please, wake up.”

Natasha needed you alive and conscious. Without you, she felt lost, like she was swimming adrift in an endless sea. Her thoughts were a chaotic whirlwind. She felt like her world had become even greyer. She traced the contours of your face with her eyes as if trying to memorise every detail that made you uniquely you. All she could do was hope and pray that you would wake up soon to forgive her and give her one last chance to fix everything.

Days turned into weeks into months. It’d been two months since you got into a coma. Two months since she’d heard her favourite voice. Two months of replaying the same scene the day she lost you.

The indifference in your voice. Your disappointed expression. The smell of beef stroganoff. The sound of your wedding ring placed on the coffee table. The sound of the door clicking behind you as you left the house.

Two months felt like two years to Natasha. With each passing moment, the vital signs monitor played the steady rhythm of your heartbeat in the medical room. Natasha refused to leave your side for even a moment. She was scared that you would flatline if she tore her eyes away from your body. She was like a bodyguard around you — keeping her eyes on your body even when her body was begging for sleep.

After Nick Fury heard about your current condition, he immediately gave Natasha time off from missions to allow her to prioritise your well-being. She was thankful for Nick Fury’s understanding.

Everyone in the Avengers recognised the toll it was taking on Natasha’s well-being. Wanda took it upon herself to bring the redhead meals and encourage her to shower and step outside for fresh air. Wanda would remind her that you wouldn’t want her to neglect her own needs. Despite being curious about what had happened that night, the brunette never pressed her for answers. It was obvious that the wounds were still fresh. Natasha always looked miserable whenever Wanda entered the medical room every day. The both of them would take turns taking care of you. Even when Natasha knew about your past romantic relationship with Wanda, she trusted her the most amongst all the other Avengers to take care of you when she had other matters to attend to.

Natasha felt a deep loneliness she couldn’t shake off that only your awakening could dispel. She clung to the glimmer of hope that each passing moment brought you closer to waking up. With every conversation with Dr. Cho telling her that your body was recovering well, her heart swelled with optimism. She would find a twinge of happiness in the gentle rhythm of the rise and fall of your chest.

When alone with you, Natasha would mindlessly talk to you, sharing stories of her day and reminding you that she loved you. Even when you were unconscious, she never failed to greet you every day with an ‘I love you’. She read your favourite books, played your favourite songs and whispered words of love, hoping you could somehow hear her. She’d stopped going to the bar and getting herself intoxicated, she knew that she had to be there for you.

Night after night, when Natasha’s body was too exhausted to stand vigil, she would drift off to sleep with her head resting on the edge of your bed. The position was far from comfortable, but the discomfort mattered little to her. All that mattered was being near you and being the first person you see when you wake up, even if it meant sacrificing her comfort.

And then, one day, as the first rays of dawn bathed the room in a warm glow, you woke up. Natasha was asleep when you aroused from your coma, and she stirred awake by the twitch from your hand intertwined with hers.

Your eyes fluttered open slowly, a soft whine leaving your throat as you met her tear-filled gaze. A wave of relief washed over Natasha, but your eyes widened in panic and alarm as you saw the redhead in front of you.

“W-Who the fuck are you?”

Natasha swore she could hear a pin drop from the silence in the room. The green eyes, previously full of hope, reflected a mixture of disappointment and pain. Speechless, Natasha met your stunned gaze as she took her time to process your words.

“W-Where am I?” You mumbled in a hoarse voice.

Your eyes tried to adjust to the blinding light of the overhead lights as your consciousness slowly reawakened. A frown formed on your face as your eyes scanned every corner of the medical room. One of the surrounding machines beeped steadily, indicating that your vital signs were stable. You scratched your head and tried to remember how you ended up in the hospital, but you can’t.

Natasha picked up the glass of water from the nightstand and offered it to you with trembling hands. You drank the water thirstily, the cool liquid soothing your parched throat as you tried to make sense of your surroundings.

“It’s me, Natasha, your wife. Don’t you remember?” She began, moving her chair closer to your bed. “You’re at the Avengers Compound. You’ve been in a coma for a while.”

“I... Have a wife?” Aside from the fact that you were in an infirmary, the fact that you were married to someone surprised you more. You studied the features of the redhead sitting in front of you — the sense of familiarity tugged at the edges of your consciousness. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, we got married two years ago,” Natasha explained, her tone as soothing as possible.

“But... my girlfriend, Wanda.” You said, tilting your head to the side. “Where is she?”

Natasha’s hands shot up to cover her mouth as her eyes watered. She rose from the chair and stepped away from her bed. The room felt like it was closing in on her. Her hands became clammy, and each breath was laboured as her heart raced. A relentless drumbeat echoed in Natasha’s ears.

Was this a nightmare?

The impulse to reach out and grab your hand, a source of comfort that calmed her down, surged within her. Yet, she hesitated.

You appeared as the body of the person Natasha had fallen in love with years ago when you were just eighteen and freshly recruited into the Avengers team. The both of you had a rocky start — she was your enemy first before she became your friend and eventually your lover. However, that chapter was a long time ago as you had retired from the front lines upon marrying her.

As Natasha observed you, a sense of unease settled within her. There wasn’t the same warmth she once found in your eyes. Instead, an unfamiliar emptiness stared back at her. The very gaze that used to ignite with love and affection now held an empty void — The same expression as the day when you broke up with her. Natasha clung to the hope that your memory would somehow seamlessly reweave themselves back into your consciousness, dispelling the thoughts that she was staring at a stranger disguised as her wife.

You wrinkled your nose as you awaited her response. You tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but your muscles weakened from inactivity and failed you. You winced as you felt a sharp pain in your chest.

“Don’t strain yourself.” Natasha’s voice was laced with concern. She gently guided you to remain lying down. “I should get Dr. Cho. Stay here, don’t move.”

Before you could formulate a response, she hurried out of the room. As Natasha disappeared from your view, her heart sank as she realised the extent of your memory loss. She should have expected this — Dr. Cho did briefly inform her about how you might experience a few symptoms of memory loss due to the brain injury.

But damn, did your words hit hard.

As Natasha hurried down the corridor, a nagging sense of guilt held her down. Was your memory loss a form of karma for her past actions? Or perhaps a second chance to rebuild things with you? Even though you had effectively cut ties with her moments before the accident, she wanted to be there for you every step of the way. Was she going to tell you what had happened mere minutes before your car accident? No, not yet. Her focus had to be on providing support during your rehabilitation.

She couldn’t bear to lose you again.

The intensity of her emotions became even more palpable as Natasha approached the nurses’ station. Two familiar figures gradually became apparent in the distance, Dr. Cho and Wanda. Both of them were engaged in an animated conversation, but they stopped when they saw the dread on Natasha’s face.

“Y/N’s awake.” Natasha relayed.

Entering the hospital room as a trio, your eyes ignited with a mix of relief and recognition as you saw Wanda.

“Hey there, sweetheart. I missed you.” You greeted Wanda with a wide grin.

As those words slipped from your lips, Natasha’s heart tightened in response. It was a term you had reserved only for her before the accident. On the other hand, Wanda could only manage a warm smile, waving at you. Wanda was unsure of how to respond to the term you used to call her when the both of you were dating.

“Y/N, it’s great to see you awake.” Dr. Cho chimed in, trying to ease the atmosphere. With a clipboard in hand, she flipped through your medical records. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m… confused. What happened to me?” You asked.

Natasha quickly jumped in. “You were in a car accident two months ago.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion. “Car accident? But I don’t remember anything.”

Wanda, sensing the discomfort in the room, stepped forward. “It’s okay, Y/N. The important thing is that you’re awake now. Natasha and I are here for you.”

In response, you graced Wanda with an endearing smile. Your hand extended, seeking and finding Wanda’s. You seemed to be reassured by her presence and physical touch. Natasha, observing the scene, couldn’t help but feel a subtle pang of jealousy. She pushed it aside, reminding herself that you were only acting this way because of the memory loss.

“We’re all here to help you remember,” Natasha spoke softly.

As your eyes flickered between the two women, there was a spark of love in your eyes as you glanced at Wanda. However, when your gaze turned toward Natasha, the same reserved void of distance was in your eyes.

“Do you remember anything else before the car accident?” Dr. Cho inquired, her pen poised over the pages as she wrote down your responses.

“No…?” You responded tentatively, a furrow forming on your forehead.

“Alright. Firstly, what’s your current profession?” Dr. Cho probed.

“I’m a retired Avenger.” You uttered, unconsciously tightening your grip on Wanda’s hand.

“Your age?”

“Twenty-six.”

“Do you remember these two?” Dr. Cho redirected your attention, pointing to Natasha and Wanda.

“Wanda’s my girlfriend. I don’t remember who the other person is.” You confessed, looking at Natasha with a raised eyebrow.

Natasha crossed her arms, feeling uncomfortable under your gaze.

“Very well. Your cooperation is appreciated, Y/N.” Dr. Cho acknowledged you with a nod, turning her attention to the two other women. “Agent Romanoff and Agent Maximoff, may I talk to the both of you in my office for a few minutes?”

Natasha and Wanda exchanged an apprehensive glance before nodding in unison, accompanying the doctor out of the room. In Dr. Cho’s office, both women settled into chairs opposite her desk, their postures stiff. Dr. Cho wasted no time, closing the door to her office with a decisive click before taking her seat behind the desk.

“I’ll need to ask Y/N more questions later to confirm the type of amnesia she’s experiencing. Based on the questions earlier, there’s a high chance she’s experiencing systematized amnesia.” Leaning forward, Dr. Cho rested her elbows on the table, hands clasped together. “It’s a type of amnesia that happens when an individual experiences long-term stress or trauma. It can be from experiencing physical, sexual or emotional neglect and abuse. In response, the brain blocks out all memories about that one specific person from their past.”

Dr. Cho’s statement made Natasha’s mind spin. Wanda gripped the armrests tightly, her eyes reflecting a mix of confusion and concern. “Is that why she remembers me, and not Natasha?”

“Exactly.” She paused, turning her attention to Natasha. “Agent Romanoff, have you ever… hit your wife?”

“What? No, of course not.” Natasha replied with an exasperated shake of her head. “But… We did argue before the car accident. I haven’t been spending time with her and I was too busy drinking at the bar to spend time with her on the day of our second anniversary. She broke up with me before she got into the car accident.”

Wanda’s anger flared, her fists clenched by her sides as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. “So the reason she got into a car accident is because of you?” She accused. “What the fuck, Natasha.”

Natasha drew in a deep breath. “I never wanted this to happen. I didn’t know that she’d get into a car accident. I messed up.”

Dr. Cho stepped in. “Emotions run high in situations like these, but our focus should be on helping Y/N recover and helping her navigate through her memory loss. We can’t change the past, but we can make choices to change the future.”

Wanda, her jaw clenched in frustration, couldn’t contain the bitterness in her retort. “Fine, but regret doesn’t undo the damage you’ve done, Natasha. Y/N trusted and loved you, and you let her down. She doesn’t deserve this, and she certainly doesn’t deserve you.”

Natasha’s lips trembled slightly, struggling to hold back tears.

Wanda, unable to contain her frustration, abruptly pushed her chair back. “I can’t deal with this right now.”

She stormed out of the room, the door slamming shut behind her. Dr. Cho winced at the resounding sound before sighing. “Let’s regroup later. Wanda needs some time, and we’ll address these issues when everyone’s ready.”

Wanda burst into your medical room, her brows furrowed in deep frustration and a scowl etched across her face. Startled by her sudden entrance, you jumped slightly in your bed, your eyes widening in surprise as you saw her expression.

“Wands?” You whispered. “What’s wrong?”

As you whispered her name, Wanda’s tense expression softened. She approached your bed with slow steps, her hands reaching out to hold yours.

“It’s... It’s nothing, Y/N.” Wanda replied, her voice tight with emotion.

Despite Wanda’s attempt to dismiss her agitation, you could sense the remaining anger beneath her facade. You furrowed your brow, concern etching your features.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.” You insisted gently, squeezing her hand in reassurance. “You stormed in here looking like you were ready to take on an army.”

Wanda’s lips twitched with a hint of amusement, but the weight of her distress remained evident in her features. She hesitated for a moment, exhaling a breath before finally speaking.

“It’s Natasha,” Wanda admitted, her voice barely a whisper. “I just… I don’t know how to handle all of this.”

As much as Wanda wanted to tell you the reason you fell into a coma, she knew that it wasn’t her place to reveal the information without Natasha’s consent. She had to choose her words carefully.

You listened intently, your heart sinking at the mention of Natasha’s name. The complexity of your relationship with her made you feel uncertain and overwhelmed.

How could you be married to someone you couldn’t remember?

“Is Natasha really my wife?” You asked.

You closed your eyes, trying to find any memory that you shared with the woman who was supposedly your wife. But try as you might, your mind remained blank, empty of any intimate or shared memories with the redhead.

Wanda’s expression softened with empathy. “Yes.” She affirmed gently. “Natasha’s your wife.”

“That means you and I… we broke up?” You pressed your lips together, trying not to frown.

“Yeah.” Wanda began, her voice soft but tinged with sadness. "We broke up because I wasn’t ready to become something more. You love Natasha a lot, more than you ever loved me. Even a blind man could see it.”

“Oh.” You sighed, rubbing your thumb over Wanda’s hands. “But… are you sure? Did past me have feelings for you still?”

“Not anymore, Y/N. Your future’s with Natasha now. She loves you a lot and she’s been miserable ever since you got into a coma, so go easy on her, alright?”

Your heart sank at Wanda’s words.

“Alright.” You offered her a bittersweet smile.

A week after waking up, Dr. Cho officially diagnosed you with systematic amnesia. Once you had healed under her careful observation, you were discharged and allowed to return to the home you shared with Natasha. Despite your reluctance to burden her with your care, she was the only one you could depend on. Wanda and the other Avengers had their responsibilities, leaving Natasha as your primary caretaker.

You were still bruising and aching all over, so Natasha assisted you with various miscellaneous tasks, such as managing your medication intake and helping you with showering. Physically, you were improving, but you still couldn’t remember Natasha.

Gradually, you treated her as if she were a stranger. She understood that it wasn’t intentional, but it still tugged at her heartstrings.

The way you flinched whenever she touched you, because she was used to doing it back then when the both of you were together. It pained her deeply. You kept your thoughts and feelings to yourself, not trusting her enough to talk about your feelings. Despite this, outwardly, your interactions with her seemed relatively ‘normal’. The both of you never argued, never fought, and you’d spent time together.

But it still wasn’t the same as it used to be.

Back then, when Natasha would return home from her missions, you’d eagerly rush to her, enveloping her in the tightest hug imaginable and peppering her face with kisses. Now, you greeted her with a tight-lipped smile and a small wave.

In the past, you would cuddle together while watching late-night movies, holding her hand and resting your head on her shoulder. Now, there was a noticeable distance between you, an emotional and physical space that seemed to widen with each passing day.

Natasha tried bringing you to a coffee place — the one she brought you on your first date. You were intrigued, but you still couldn’t remember anything.

Natasha was genuinely happy to see you making progress in your recovery. Yet, beneath that happiness, she was beginning to grow impatient. Your health was improving, but the state of your marriage seemed to deteriorate because you were unable to remember anything about her.

And, one day, Natasha finally reached her breaking point. She had prepared dinner for you, setting the table and waiting patiently on the couch for your return. But you didn’t arrive until three hours later, long after the food had grown cold.

“Where were you?” Natasha’s voice held a sharp edge as she crossed her arms.

You hadn’t mentioned going out, let alone with whom.

“I went out with Wanda for dinner.” You responded casually.

“And you couldn’t text me to let me know?” Natasha’s tone grew more aggressive.

Not only had you essentially stood her up, but you had also gone out with your ex-girlfriend — the same ex-girlfriend you might still harbour feelings for. It was ironic. It felt like the tables had turned. She was the one feeling hurt and frustrated this time.

“My phone was dead. Why are you so angry?” Your voice rose, becoming defensive as you retrieved your phone from your jacket pocket and tossed it onto the dining table.

“Because I made dinner for you.”

“So what? I can have it for lunch tomorrow.”

“That’s not the point. I was waiting for you.” Natasha insisted, her tone laced with frustration.

“And I promise I’ll eat it tomorrow. I’m tired, Natasha. I’m going to bed.” You said dismissively, turning away and walking towards the master bedroom.

There was something else changed, too. Natasha took it upon herself to occupy the guest bedroom while you resided in the master bedroom. It felt like there was a mental and physical separation between the both of you.

It continued for months. Natasha almost wanted to give up, contemplating whether to raise the white flag and accept the bitter truth that you would never remember her at all. The constant arguments between you never seemed to resolve. Instead, they ended with either Natasha or you walking away when things got too heated. With time, Natasha felt like the distance between you grew even more larger. You started coming home late, leaving Natasha disappointed as she waited for you to return. Every dinner she prepared for you went unnoticed, adding to her sense of loneliness and frustration.

Natasha felt as though you had undergone a complete transformation, like someone similar to you but not really, well, you. She was a stranger to you just as you were to her.

You were sitting on a plush chair, engrossed in the pages of a book when she finally accepted defeat. She observed you quietly for a moment, the way you were oblivious to her presence behind her.

“Are we still together?” Natasha asked, her voice breaking the silence.

You looked up to find her standing before you, a mixture of longing and sadness in her gaze.

You closed the book slowly, placing it on the coffee table.

You chuckled bitterly, a touch of sarcasm lacing your words. “Well, legally, I suppose we are.”

Natasha’s heart sank at your response. She had hoped for affection, but instead, she was met with indifference.

“Do you even want us to be together?” Her voice quivered as she spoke.

You studied her momentarily, leaning your head back against the headrest as you looked her up and down. Natasha looked miserable, her cheeks caked with dried tears and dark circles under her eyes from sleepless nights.

“I’m sorry, Natasha.” You murmured, sighing. “I just… I don’t think we’re working out.”

Natasha felt her heart drop at your words. She had feared this moment, dreaded the possibility of hearing those words from you. Yet, the reality of it hit her like a sudden blow.

Your voice cracked as you spoke, barely on the verge of tears. “I tried. I really did try to remember you. Remember I came home late because I told you I was spending time with Wanda? I was walking around the places you brought me to, hoping that I’d remember something, anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Natasha asked. Her heart clenched at your words and her tears spill over her cheeks.

“Because I didn’t want to get your hopes up. I didn’t want to disappoint you at the end of the day.” You whispered, standing up from the plush chair and walking over to her. You raised your hand to Natasha’s cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin beneath your touch. “I want you, but I don’t think I’m in love with you. You deserve better than this, Natasha. You deserve better than me. You’re not in love with me — You were in love with the me before the accident.”

Natasha closed her eyes, leaning into your touch, a silent plea for reassurance. But as you withdrew your hand, the ache of longing remained.

Just like how your love was out of touch.

“We can’t keep pretending, Natasha.” You said softly, your voice tinged with regret. “Maybe it’s time we accept that things have changed.”

With a heavy sigh, you turned away, unable to bear the pain of seeing her heartbreak. It pained you to hurt her, but you knew that prolonging the inevitable would only cause more suffering for both of you.

This time Natasha knew that she had to stop you from leaving somehow. She couldn’t make the same mistake twice. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, not again. Not for the third time.

As you headed towards the door, Natasha’s voice trembled as she spoke. “Y/N, please... don’t go.”

But you couldn’t bring yourself to stay. Not when the love you’ve heard from Natasha felt fake. Like it never happened.

You paused for a moment, your hand on the doorknob, before offering a final, pained glance back at Natasha. “I’m sorry, Natasha. Goodbye.”

And with that, you stepped out the door, leaving behind a redhead with a shattered heart.

Maybe in an alternate universe, you could remember her and love her eternally.

#lumi’s fics!#marvel #mcu #the avengers #natasha romanoff #black widow #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #angst #wlw #fanfic #fanfiction

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icyg4l · 20 days

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PAC: Energy Check-In

Hello beautiful people! I have been so inconsistent with posting. Thank you all for your patience. But anyway, tonight's reading will consist of an energy check-in. We all need one, even me! Also, the Five Dollar Friday Sale will still happen! It will take place from 12 AM-11PM. Thank you guys so much for your support! Don't forget to check out the guidelines before booking with me. Dm me privately if you have any questions. Without further ado, please select your pile!

Left-to-Right: (1-3)

Pile One: I feel like you are currently trying to figure out what to do with yourself. I heard "I got so much energy!" in my head. Your sacral chakra is booming. I feel like you could be super horny or feeling like you need to create something. But you are trying to figure out a way to do this in an appropriate manner. The solution will come quick. There could be a partnership coming your way that will allow you to be more free flowing. It is essential at this time that you find ways to express yourself. Do not feed into self-limiting beliefs. You are prone to making impulsive decisions like dying your hair late at night or buying clothes that you won't even put on a year from now. Focus on what will fulfill you in the long run and stop trying to scratch an unscratchable itch. It will make you see things much easier.

Cards Used: 8 of Swords, 5 of Swords, The Hierophant, Ace of Wands, 8 of Wands, Queen of Wands.

Pile Two: Someone has you feeling real good. Princess treatment will do that to you. When you have the right people around you, you feel unstoppable. I heard "Who you feeling like?" in my head. Right now, you could be receiving lots of compliments, which boost your morale as a result. I am seeing a young girl toss her hair from side to side with her fingertips. In the back of your mind, you may worry about how long this version of you will last. You need to not allow the past comments of hate get to you at this time. Do not self-sabotage yourself because people could not see the light in you. Let the haters do the hating for you. You could have Saturn in the 12th house which relates to the subconscious. You need to have conversations with your inner child to heal. Move forward from the angst and the hurt people have caused you. Start anew. And most importantly, forgive yourself.

Cards Used: Ace of Wands, 2 of Cups, 10 of Cups, King of Discs, 4 of Cups, The Devil, 6 of Cups.

Pile Three: You are in this lover girl energy. It almost feels familiar --- the scenario that you have found yourself to be in. You need to look closer with this person. Everyone will pass your test if you don't do any further investigation. You have the tendency to get "stuck on" crushes for a long time. You could be prone to limerence. You are going to get the answer that you are looking for, a reality check. But it will be in your best interest, don't worry. You are trying to investigate from afar but this won't really benefit you. You need to pay close attention and start being less lenient. You're a cute girl and you know that, don't you? But what is cute if it means you lose your mind every time you find someone attractive? Part of your lesson in this life is to be more comfortable with accepting your beauty as is. You are not incomplete if you are not in an "OTP", love.

Cards Used: The Moon, The Empress, 4 of Discs, 4 of Wands, 10 of Cups, 5 of Wands, Justice, 2 of Discs

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wintersoldiersoul · 8 months

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I should hate you

A/N: So this is kind of unintentionally becoming a series??? I'll prob make one more part to this if you guys want it! Part 2 to Tolerate It

Another night of sleep escaping you. Tossing and turning in your bed once again, as you replayed the conversation you had with Bucky, two weeks ago.

You had seen the pain in his eyes that day. The way that he hated himself for what he had done, but he had truly believed that it was what was best.

You were proud of yourself for how you had reacted. It would have been so easy to fall back under his spell, to instantly forgive him and just run back into his arms. But as badly as you wanted that, you knew you couldn’t. For your own sake, you needed time.

What if it happened again? What if on another mission something went wrong and Bucky did the same thing? You couldn’t put yourself through that again. His actions had made you hate yourself. Even now, when you knew the truth there was still a little voice in the back of your head saying that it was all your fault. You wondered how Bucky could ever say those things to you, real or not. You didn’t understand how he could put you through so much pain, even if he truly believed it was for your own good. You couldn’t just take him back so easily. But you also couldn’t hate him.

To his credit, Bucky gave you space. He didn’t text or call or bombard you whenever you were in each other’s presence at the tower. He knew you well enough to know that you would come to him when you were ready.

There was one part of the conversation though, that weighed heavily on your mind. “A week before that mission, you were browsing engagement rings,” Steve had said to Bucky. Was that true? Was Bucky really planning on proposing to you? It felt like that life, the one you had built with him, existed on a completely different timeline than your current one.

You had been staying in your bedroom at the tower for the past week. Being in the apartment you used to share with Bucky hurt too much. You were too overwhelmed with pain that you couldn’t think clearly about what to do. Plus, Bucky was on a mission so you knew he wouldn’t be around for a few days at least.

Giving up on sleep and in need of a late night snack, you headed to the kitchen. As you opened the cabinet, you spotted a box of pancake mix sitting front and center. Your mind was immediately flooded with images of Bucky cooking in your kitchen. He made you pancakes every saturday, always making it a point for the two of you to sit and have breakfast together and catch up after your insanely busy weeks.

The memories broke you. God, you missed him so much. The pain was physical, a constant tightness in your chest preventing you from breathing. You couldn’t control the sob that escaped as your knees gave out and you crumbled to the floor of the kitchen. You had gotten used to crying alone.

Time didn’t exist as you sobbed, arms wrapped around yourself. You didn’t know if it had been 3 minutes or 3 hours when the elevator opened. You didn’t even hear it. You didn’t register Bucky’s footsteps as he approached you, still in his suit from the mission he had just returned from. You didn’t even know he was there until you felt his arms around you. How ironic that the man comforting you was the reason you were crying in the first place.

He wanted to give you space but he couldn’t do it anymore. Not when you were broken and alone on the kitchen floor at 4 in the morning.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered, stroking your hair. You didn’t fight him off. Didn’t tell him to leave. Just for a minute you needed to let yourself be weak. His own tears started to fall as he held you. He hated that he had caused you so much pain. That the broken state you were in was his fault. “Y/N, look at me. Please.”

You shook your head. “No. I can’t,” you answered, fighting for breath in between your sobs.

He sighed, trying to curb his tears. “I know you hate me,”

“Hate you?” You interrupted. “I wish I hated you! I should hate you! I wish more than anything in the entire world that I only felt anger towards you. I would do anything to hate you!” You finally found the strength to look in his eyes. They were so full of pain and longing.

“Can I make you some tea? C-can we just sit together for a little bit? It doesn’t have to mean anything but just,” he ran his hands through his hair. “Please. Just for a little bit.”

He was right. You could let him comfort you for a bit. Sit with him and enjoy the presence of the man you missed so dearly. Just for a little. “Okay.”

A few minutes later, you were sitting on the couch with a blanket draped over your shoulders and a mug of tea in your hands. “I don’t know what to say to you, Bucky.”

He sat down next to you, careful to not get too close. He wanted to respect your boundaries. “I know. I have a lot to say to you but I don’t know if you wanna hear it.”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to work up the courage to ask your question. “Were you planning on proposing to me? Was that true, when Steve said you were looking at rings?”

“Yes.”

The word punched the air out of your lungs. If only things had gone differently. If those fucking words hasn’t been used. If Bucky had just talked to you, the two of you would have been happily engaged right now. You would be planning your wedding, elbows deep in binders of wedding venues and colors and themes.

“I still want to marry you. More than anything in the entire world,” he continued.

“Then why did you ruin it?” You snapped.”Everything that’s happening right now is your fault. I thought it was mine. I convinced myself it was my fault. But it’s not. I gave you everything, Bucky! Everything I could possibly give you. And you made me feel like it wasn’t enough. That I wasn’t enough.”

“I know,” he said, wiping his eyes. “I know.”

“But I can’t hate you!” You continued. “How am I supposed to hate you when you did that to protect me?”

“Y/N, can I show you something?” He reached into his bag and pulled out a brown leather notebook. “You don’t have to talk to me right now. But please, please just read this.” He opened to a specific page and handed you the notebook.

Your heart stopped as your eyes scanned the page. It was a letter. He had written you a letter.

“Y/N,

I hate myself for what I have to do. I hate myself for a lot of the things i’ve done but this is easily the worst. Hurting you is worse than being tortured by Hydra. I wish I could be different. I wish our lives were different. I wish that we had met in a bar like two normal people and lived a normal life free of violence. I wish that Hydra hadn’t been there that day. I wish I had been just a little stronger and that those words hadn’t triggered the Winter Soldier. And I wish, more than anything, that I wasn’t a danger to you.

You deserve so much better. So much more than what I can ever give me. You should be with someone who’s life is free from trauma, who can shower you with the love you deserve constantly and most importantly, someone who doesn’t have the possibly to lose control and hurt you.

You are a beacon of light, Y/N. The most beautiful, kindest, intelligent person I have ever known. I am in awe of you every single day. I see the way that you’re still trying. How you want to be there for me through this. I wish you didn’t. I can’t do it. I can’t say goodbye to you. I need you to do it, okay? Because if I have to, it will break me. I hate hearing you cry like you are right now as I write this. You’re so much better than me. Please, don’t waste your tears on me.

I hope one day you’ll understand. I hope you know this isn’t your fault. I hope you know that I still love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop, even on my death bed I’ll still be thinking of you.

You are an angel, Y/N. Don’t let me ruin your light.”

The page was stained with your tears when you had finished reading. Reading his words that he had written in real time hurt so much. God, you just wanted to forgive him.

“Bucky…” you looked up at him. “I’m so scared. What if this happens again? I can’t deal with that. I can’t make it if you abandon me again.”

He grabbed your hands and looked directly into your eyes. “I will never abandon you again. Never.”

“I don’t know what to do,” you didn’t know if you were talking to him or yourself.

“Let me hold you,” he whispered. “Please. Just for tonight.”

You nodded. He wrapped his arms around you tightly for the second time that night. The two of you stayed like that the whole night, falling asleep against each others bodies.

The next morning you slipped out of his arms before he was awake. That was a mistake, you tried to tell yourself. But it didn’t feel like a mistake. It felt right.

You tried to avoid Bucky any time he was at the tower. He still wanted to give you space but he also just wanted to show you how much he loved you. And so every day there would be a little gift on your bed. A box of chocolate from the place that you had mentioned once was your favorite, that pair of shoes that you had said months ago that you liked, Of course he knew he wouldn’t make up for all of the hurt he had caused with material things but he just wanted to show you that he cared. That he paid attention and took note of everything you said and did.

He had a lot to make up for. A lot to pain to mend. But you missed him so much. So that day, when you ran into him in the living room, you threw him a bone.

“Dinner tonight. Just us. You can pick where.”

So that’s how you ended up sitting across fr Bucky. He had chosen your favorite restaurant in the city, of course. Anything to make you happy. He just couldn’t believe that you were actually here, sitting with him.

“I know I keep saying it but I’m sorry,” he said when you first sat down.

“No,” you stopped him. “None of that tonight, okay? Tonight I just wanna enjoy time with you. I’m not saying I forgive you and that we’re back together but I can’t ever get there if we can’t just be us.” You knew you couldn’t do this forever. Just stay in this inbetween of being mad but wanting him so badly. You’d never be able to let him go, you knew that. So you decided to just start slow. A normal dinner where the two of you could just talk like you used to.

Four glasses of wine later, you were having a great time. It was like the past few months had never even happened. Of course the alcohol had helped you along the way but mostly, you had just missed him so much.

The two of you continued to go to dinner together once a week but you had a rule. No kissing. Not yet. It felt like you had to rebuild your relationship from the ground up.

You were happier than you had been in so long. Bucky continued to show you how much he cared about you but it didn’t feel like he was trying to play a game with you as the prize. It genuinely felt like he just wanted to spend time with you in any capacity that you would allow.

Things were good. Until you got the call from Steve. An emergency mission. There wasn’t even time for you to all prep. He explained to you what was happening on the jet.

It was a hard fight, each enemy stronger than the last. Your body was so filled with adrenaline that it took a second for you to realize where all of the blood dripping onto the ground was coming from. It was coming from your body. The bullet that had just found it’s way into your body.

You dropped to your knees, the world around you alredy growing blurry. You were losing a lot of blood and fast.

“Y/N!” Bucky ran faster than you’d ever seen. “Oh my god, Y/N! We need to get you to the jet right now. We can help you there, okay?” He spoke frantically.

“B-Bucky,” you gasped for air. “J-just hold my hand, okay?” You felt so tired. You just wanted to close your eyes.

“No. No keep your eyes open baby, okay? Keep them on me.” He grabbed your body off the ground and started to take you to the jet where Bruce was waiting to help out anyone who got injured.

“I… love…you,” you spoke slowly. Your time was running out. “T-tell me you love me.”

Bucky shook his head. “I’ll tell you when we’re at home, okay? I’m gonna tell you the second we get out of here.” Of course he loved you. But he couldn’t say it here. If he said it right here right now, it felt like he was accepting that you were about to die out on the field.

“P-please,” you begged, fighting harder and harder to not let your eyes close.

“You’re gonna be okay. And you and me, we’re gonna have an amazing life okay? We’re not gonna waste time anymore. No more wasting time. We’re gonna have a beautiful wedding. We’re gonna adopt a bunch of cats just like you’ve always wanted. And we’re gonna travel the world together. That life is gonna be ours so you have to stay alive, okay?”

You weakly nodded. You had to fight for that life. He was right. You had wasted so much time. You saw the jet in the distance. If you could just make it, you could get help. That life he had described could be yours.

“Never forget I love you,” you whispered weakly before the urge to close your eyes grew impossible to resist.

Tagging people who wanted part 2: @sarah1barnes @my-obsession-spn @lets--be-honest @chloeannastarlight @missvelvetsstuff @sunset90 @diannana @thatmarvelloser @alana-32 @dyingsinglecuzimfangirl @jamesbuckybarnes1917

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serverusslaype · 10 months

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Shameless

potential Snape x professor!reader fic?

Shameless Masterpost

so, this was just a thing i typed up late last night because late night snape cravings hit and i honestly just wanted to write something. it's not perfect, of course, but where else to post it but on this beloved, yet cursed site?! <3

i have a few parts typed up so if people enjoy it, i'll post the other ones. just a heads up, i'm not entirely following the book/movie, sort of just making it up as i go.. so please, do not come for me, it's just a self-indulgent fic at this point. :,) considering i have not really proofread this properly, forgive me for any mistakes lmao

also, i've made the reader a hufflepuff because i am one, and so it's easier for me to write .. also cos i feel like i suck at writing as other houses lmfao

anyway.. here we gooooo..

"You look lost in thought, my dear," Professor McGonagall turned to you, tilting her head in a concerned fashion. You wet your lips and turned to face your older colleague and blinked - a pathetic attempt at trying to ground yourself. She'd caught you daydreaming again. "Everything alright?" She questioned quietly, a kind smile picking at the corners of her lips.

You tore your gaze away from the subject of your attention and looked to the Gryffindor Head of House, who was seated to your right.

"Oh," Clearing your throat awkwardly, you nodded at her. She didn't look too convinced. "Just a long day, I suppose." You lied and glanced down at your hands that were clasped together in your lap; fingers fidgeting nervously like you'd just been caught doing something you shouldn't.

McGonagall didn't look satisfied nor happy with your answer, but she didn't want to press you - that wasn't her business. The older witch was respectful in that way, and for that you were grateful. You offered her a small smile in return to reassure her.

The older woman raised her brows in a disbelieving manner, her twinkling eyes studying your blank face as if trying to decipher what on Earth was bothering you. It felt like you were back in school at Hogwarts all over again, in trouble for breaking the rules or something similar. But you weren't, you were a fellow professor at Hogwarts now, in fact, you were the new teacher for Herbology. Professor Sprout had retired last year and Dumbledore had offered you her position, his memory still serving him well as he remembered you'd always had a thirst and passion for the fauna and flora side of magic. Before that, you were teaching Astronomy.

Currently, you were sat in the Great Hall with the other professors, waiting for Dumbledore to do his usual announcement at the beginning of a new year.

"I don't like it when you lie to me, Y/N." McGonagall gave you a sad look, placing a comforting hand on your fidgeting ones. She stilled your anxious movements and you sighed deeply. Out of all the professors at Hogwarts, you got along the best with the older witch, she had always looked out for you back in school and now. You'd probably say that Sprout was your next closest colleague considering you shared an intense interest for Herbology, so you were sad to see her go.

You didn't say anything in response to Professor McGonagall, you only sucked in your bottom lip and chewed on it for a brief moment before Dumbledore's familiar voice rang out through the Great Hall.

"Good evening, and welcome to another year at Hogwarts," He began, stepping up to the golden owl lecturn, his arms flailing about dramatically. "Now, I'd like to say a few words before we all become too befuddled by our excellent feast. First, I'm pleased to announce that Professor Y/N L/N will be taking over the mantle of Herbology, as Professor Sprout chose to retire at the end of last year. I am very confident that she will be a great successor to our previous Herbology professor." Dumbledore announced, turning to give you a warm smile. You stood up and smiled and waved sheepishly as the students and other fellow professors gave you a round of applause, all of them giving you kind and encouraging smiles.

As your eyes flicked round the table of your fellow professors, you got caught in the gaze of none other than Professor Severus Snape. You sucked in a quiet breath, feeling your body go rigid under his cold gaze. After that, you quickly seated yourself, focusing your attention back onto Dumbledore. Over the past year, you'd unfortunately grown a slight affection for the broody man. You weren't sure why, considering how short and cruel he'd always been with you, but maybe that's what did it. A masochist at heart, perhaps? Surely, that was unlikely for a Hufflepuff like you.

McGonagall noticed the tension, and she immediately leaned towards you, glancing at Snape. "Don't worry yourself about Severus." She hummed to you, offering an encouraging smile. Your fingers rushed up to massage your temples.

"I'll try not to, but I'm probably going to come into contact with him more often now, no? Since he will probably come looking for potion ingredients from my classroom?" You groaned, braving another glance at the raven-haired Potions Master. You felt your cheeks betray you, a light shade of pink tinting them as he met your eyes once more. You quickly looked away. If you were going to keep this under wraps, you were going to need to train yourself not to blush at such small things.

"Well, yes," McGonagall said hesitantly. "But I'm sure he will look to come knocking when you aren't there. He's not the most... socially adept man." She pursed her lips momentarily and you met her gaze, scoffing quietly. She let loose an amused chuckle at your reaction. "You know that, of course." McGonagall added, leaning back into her seat. You hummed in agreement.

"Next on the agenda, I would also like to welcome Gilderoy Lockhart as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." Dumbledore's booming voice tore you from your thoughts, and the name he mentioned caught your attention. Gilderoy Lockhart? Wasn't he a famous author?

You looked up curiously, trying to spot him in the crowd of teachers. There he was, standing proudly with a million-dollar grin plastered on his too-perfect-looking face. God, what an ass, you thought to yourself. He wasn't bad looking, but he just seemed to think everyone was there for him. Obviously.

"He's not going to last until the end of the year, surely." You commented, trying to hide the amused grin that was desperate to make an appearance on your face. Suddenly, Lockhart looked over to you, as if he sensed you were talking about him. You quickly wiped off the grin on your face and politely smiled at him, praying he didn't see your previous expression. It didn't seem like he did, as he just winked at you instead, making you cringe inwardly.

You had to refrain yourself from letting your head hit the table out of embarrassment. Gods, how many people just saw that awkward encounter? Surely the whole bloody school considering the man was still stood up. You slowly sink into your chair, wishing it would swallow you up.

The next day soon came, and you were up early in the morning, ensuring that the greenhouse-classroom was set up perfectly for your first class of second-years. You'd thought it would be fun to start off the year with an interesting and easy, practical lesson. So you chose to teach your students about the Devil's Snare - a dangerous plant that can kill if you did get tangled in it unless you kept calm and relaxed within it's deadly grasp. You were aware that Professor Sprout had gone over this last year with them, but you wanted to remind them of the dangers that this plant possesses. You potted some of the plant into small containers and spread them out over the long table, placing a small warning sign in front of it to ward off some of the more.. courageous students. Particularly Slytherin ones - you weren't discriminating against them, however in your experience they were usually the troublemakers.

"Professor L/N," A familiar, deep voice came from behind you, almost making you jump out of your skin from how deep in thought you were. Spinning around on your heel, the skirt of your dress twirled with you.

"Professor Snape, to what do I owe the pleasure?" You smiled politely at the dark-haired wizard, clasping your hands in front of you to show some sort of composure and confidence. Despite this, you could still feel your cheeks heating up as Snape prowled towards you slowly, his face still cool as stone.

"An unusual job change from being the Astronomy teacher to the Herbology teacher." He commented, glancing over your new classroom with a frown. The Potions Master stopped just short of a metre in front of you. Snape's cloak engulfed him, and you were reminded of the times you and your friends had nicknamed him the Bat of the Dungeons back in school. He truly did embody the look of a bat perfectly, making you wonder if he had based his robes off of one.

"If you remember correctly, I had a passion for both subjects." You replied nonchalantly, though slightly curious to see why he had paid you a visit. Snape hummed disapprovingly at your reply. Clearly, the man didn't approve of any student that excelled in any other subject than Potions.

"What can I help you with, Snape?" You turned back to adjusting the pots of Devil's Snare on the long table, retrieving your wand from your robes and casting a charm to create a dark rain cloud to sit atop of the plants to ensure they were comfortable. Snape watched you, clearly intrigued.

"I need some asphodel roots, if you will." Snape stated, making you turn to look at him with a cocked brow. He continued to stare down at you with a disdainful expression on his pale face, making you want to curl into a ball. "A student of mine neglected the task of retrieving some." He added with that look of disappointment still on his face. Snape's tone was harsh, and you could tell he was pissed off, this task was below him. Obviously.

You let an amused huff slip out of your nose, a smile picking at the corner of your lips as you just imagined the bollocking he gave that student for forgetting something so important, especially in his class. He instantly cast an angry glare at you, and you wiped the smile off of your face almost immediately. The man might not be your professor anymore, but he still scares the shit out of you for sure and you weren't willing to take your chances today.

"Ah," You nodded softly, avoiding his stony eyes. You cleared your throat and padded over to your row of plants, looking underneath the wooden fixture for the jar of asphodel roots you kept. "Brewing Draught of Living Death?" You questioned awkwardly, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that enveloped you and Snape. A curt sigh left his lips at your pathetic attempt at making small talk.

"I'm astonished you know what I require it for, Professor L/N, considering you were rather... academically inept in your potion classes." Professor Snape said coldly, making your jaw clench. It was no secret, you were shit at potions, and Snape always made sure you were aware of it when you were in school. Again, why were you crushing on this cruel man? The word 'masochist' came to mind again. Nonetheless, why were you even helping him? He clearly has no respect for you.

As you continued digging through your storage unit, you finally spotted the jar of asphodel root behind some empty, dusty jars. You retrieved it quickly, suddenly wanting Snape to leave as quickly as possible. After his cruel comment you weren't exactly inclined to keep his company.

As Snape held out his hand demandingly to take the jar from your grasp, you whipped it away with a fierce frown on your face. You may be a shy, little Hufflepuff, but you did not like it when people spoke rudely to you.

"You know, it helps a lot when you have a teacher you like." You said to Snape, holding his cold gaze. It's true, you're more likely to enjoy and perform better in a subject if you like the teacher that is teaching it.

"I did not come here to squabble with you, Miss L/N." Snape rolled his eyes, reaching again for the jar in your hands but you held it closer to your body. You clenched your jaw as he disregarded your title. He wasn't stupid, he was clearly doing it to get under your skin, and it was working.

"It would suit you better to respect the people that are willing to help you, Snape." You bit back at him with narrowed eyes. You passed the jar to him hesitantly, balling your fists in a small fit of rage as he took it from you. "And it's Professor L/N. I'm not your student anymore."

Snape arched a disapproving brow at you, turning around to sweep out of your classroom, his black cloak billowing out behind him like a bat. Gods, he was infuriating! You wondered how the hell the other professors have dealt with him all these years. The bastard didn't even thank you either!

He'd left you in a sour mood, and now you had only ten minutes until your class of second-years arrived. What a git.

part 2!

there it is,, i hope you enjoyed this late night idea, let me know if you did with a like or a comment, whichever you prefer. then again, you don't need to do either! 🩷 :)

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missmatchablossom · 5 months

Text

The Champion's Babysitter

Pokemon x JJK AU

summary: you are the newest dragon-type gym leader, and you've just been tasked with babysitting the pokemon champion gojo satoru, who has not been taking his job seriously.

a.n.: fem reader, a couple of curse words, kinda slow burn romance, fluffy, cute pokemon interactions, 6.8k words. shoutout @silkspunweb for putting this AU in my head <3

“I’m sorry, could you please repeat that? I’m afraid I’m not following,” you asked, nerves overwhelming your senses as you stood before the four toughest pokemon trainers in the region: the Elite Four.

It was impossible not to be in awe of some of the world’s most renowned fighters. How could you just stand there, not shitting your pants, when you spent so many hours watching footage of their pokemon battles? You had the utmost respect for the four figures sitting before you.

Nanami Kento, the Steel-Type master

Okkotsu Yuta, the Dark-Type expert

Fushiguro Toji, the Poison-Type wielder

Iori Utahime, the Ice-Type genius

It was an honor to be granted a private audience with them upon their request. But your reverence was halted once Nanami began delivering the news to you.

“We are asking that you oversee the business of Gojo,” he said, looking you squarely in the eyes as he adjusted his glasses.

“Gojo, as in Gojo Satoru? Our current pokemon champion?” you asked incredulously, eyes flickering between the four people before you, desperate for clarification.

“The very same one,” Yuta answered, smiling at you sympathetically.

“What do you mean by oversee?” you continued, turning towards Utahime.

“As I’m sure you’ve already heard on the news, Champion Gojo has been neglecting his post as of late. Recent challengers have been showing up to battles to find him missing,” she responded, brows furrowing in distaste. The Frosslass at her side nodded her assent.

It was true, it’s been all over TV lately. The celebrated, undefeated champion has been ghosting any challengers. The footage that you see of him nowadays is of him lounging around at different cafes, snapping pictures of the sweets he’s indulging in.

Pathetic, you thought.

“His hedonism is causing a lot of uproar. It’s a huge pain in the ass,” Nanami added, as the others murmured in agreement.

“We’d like you to check in with him now and then…encourage him to take his position more seriously,” Yuta said, the gaze of his dusclops behind him unsettling you.

You blinked a few times.

“Why me?” you asked. The four exchanged loaded glances you struggled to decipher. You could’ve sworn that Yuta’s smile felt more mischievous than usual, like he knew something you didn’t.

“You’re one of the most promising young trainers we’ve seen in a long time. The gym leaders you’ve battled and your fellow peers have vouched for you as someone of great integrity, valor, and talent. We’ve seen it ourselves.” Utahime said, causing your chest to swell with pride.

“The decision to make you the newest Dragon-type gym leader was unanimous. We hope you don’t take that lightly,” Nanami revealed.

“Thank you, it means a lot to me,” you said. You’d worked hard your entire life to become a gym leader worthy of the Dragon-type pokemon you hold near and dear to your heart. But they were still dancing around why they wanted you to do anything with the champion.

“Forgive me for asking, but what can I do that the rest of you cannot?” you pressed, ignoring the bored yawn from Toji.

“Gojo won’t listen to us. But we believe he will at least find interest in a fellow Dragon-type specialist, especially one as strong as you,” Yuta responded.

It was common knowledge that while our champion could wield any type of pokemon, he favored Dragon-types. Not many could say the same, as most trainers found it difficult to work with the stubborn, overpowering nature that is Dragon-type pokemon.

Toji’s heavy sigh filled the room, the weedle around his shoulders tilting its head at you.

“Look kid, we’re asking you to be his babysitter. Follow him around, challenge him to battles, do whatever you need to get his ass back to work so he can stop being a pain in ours.” Toji stated gruffly, crossing his arms and leveling you with a look.

Nanami fired a look of quiet distaste in his direction, focusing back on you.

“My apologies for his tactlessness, but he’s not wrong. We know it’s a big task, but you’re the only one we can ask,” Nanami said, his Lucario nodding its head.

“You might even learn something from him. Few people can say they got to train with Champion Gojo,” Utahime pressed, quipping her brow.

She got you there. While you dedicated countless hours watching pokemon battles of each of the elite 4, you studied Gojo’s battles religiously. There was no documented battle of his that you didn’t know like the back of your hand, and no matter how many times you’d seen him fight, you always felt the same awe and respect watching his talent.

The elite 4 and their pokemon stared at you intensely, waiting for your response. How could you refuse, when some of the top trainers in the world were practically begging you for this favor?

“I’ll do it if you really think I can help,” you said, fiddling with your fingers nervously.

All of them - minus Toji - notably relaxed their shoulders, thanking you.

“We’ve synced up your pokedex with his so you can always locate each other. You have a pokemon capable of flying, yes?” Utahime said, handing you your updated pokedex. You nodded, slipping it into your pocket.

“Perfect. Why don’t you pay him a visit?” Yuta said, smiling angelically at you. It seemed like you didn’t have a choice, not with the way they were all looking expectantly.

“All right. I’ll forward updates in the coming weeks,” you said, nodding to the rest of them as you turned to leave.

Before you reached the exit, a soft paw pad touched your shoulder. You turned to face Nanami’s Lucario, which was holding out a can of lemonade in its paws. You reached out to grab the can, smiling at the pokemon.

“For me?” you asked, brows furrowing as the Lucario shook its head.

“For…Gojo?” you asked, and immediately the Lucario smiled and nodded.

“Alright, I’ll pass it to him. Thank you,” you said, waving as you left.

Once you were outside the building, you released a sigh. Salamence immediately popped out of his pokeball, letting out a mixture of chuffs and roars and he nudged you with his nose.

You laughed, placing your hand under his chin and scratching.

“I’m alright buddy, I promise,” you said. You were incredibly bonded to all of your pokemon, but Salamence had a special place in your heart. He has always been your proud protector, ever since you came across him when he was an injured, weak Bagon.

Flipping open the map on your Pokedex, you located Gojo near a seaside town.

“Alright, ready to fly bud?” you asked Salamence. He roared in excitement as you jumped onto his back.

The soothing music of the waves against the shore always calmed you. Before you became a gym leader, you often visited the beach to relax and let your water-types splash around.

You didn’t even need your pokedex to locate the champion, who was garnering attention from every person nearby as he sat at the local cafe. He was practically surrounded by people, the shine of his silvery hair being the only thing singling him out in a crowd so big.

There was only one trick up your sleeve that was a sure-fire way of getting a crowd’s attention. Grabbing two of your pokeballs, you allowed Kingdra and Gyrrados to come out into the water.

They both jumped in immediately, happily swimming around as you laughed.

“Alright you two, I need you both to execute plan sparkle,” you said. They voiced their agreement and immediately began performing a dual variation of the move dragon dance in the water, causing major splashes and ripples that began drawing the huge crowd of people away from Gojo and towards them.

You shot them a thumbs-up before making your way over to the champion. It almost pissed you off how nonchalant he looked, leaning back in his chair with his legs stretched out, like there wasn’t anywhere he should be. His famous luxray lay at his feet, curled up next to a plate of what looked like poke puffs. Once he spotted you, he rose to his full stature, positioning himself in front of his trainer in a protective stance. You offered the Luxray a treat from your pocket, and the pokemon gently took it in his mouth before retreating to Gojo’s side.

“Champion Satoru Gojo,” you began, squaring your shoulders.

He glanced up at you immediately, his cerulean eyes peeking out behind a pair of black sunglasses that sat perched at the end of his nose. His silvery hair was down, brushing against his eyes ever so slightly from the sea breeze.

A hint of surprise ran across over his features, fast enough that you almost didn’t catch it.

“My name is-”

“I know who you are, dragon prodigy,” Gojo said, calling you by your nickname.

He knows who I am?

“May I ask why our esteemed champion is here, instead of facing all the challengers you have lined up to defeat you?” you asked, crossing your arms.

He smiled at you, sending a stampede of butterfrees down your body. Gojo wasn’t famed for just his prowess in pokemon battle, no. He was one of the most famous champions for his beauty, especially with that signature smile of his.

“Looking to battle me, are you?” he said, crossing his arms over his head as he tilted his head down to get a good look at you.

“I’d never turn down a battle, but I’m not interested in your title, champion,” you said, a note of disdain in your voice. He raised a brow at you, as if he couldn’t believe a trainer didn’t want to become the coveted title of pokemon champion.

“Oh? Then why have you tracked me down here, miss prodigy,” he asked, reaching down to pet his Luxray.

“I’ve been tasked with making sure you get back to work. Please return to your post so I can return to my gym,” you said, failing at keeping the bite away from your words.

He stretched his long arms up, humming to himself as he considered your command.

“How about this? If you can retrieve the one thing I’m craving right now, I’ll return to the Pokemon League for today,” he said cheekily.

“How am I supposed to know what you’re cr-”

“You have 5 minutes. Good luck!”

Bastard.

You trudged back towards the beach, not bothering to waste your time on a fool’s errand. You were already mentally preparing your apology letter to the elite 4.

At least Kingdra and Gyrrados are having fun, you thought to yourself.

Your two water types continued to dance around in the water, thriving off the attention of all of the onlookers.

You felt his pokeball rattle against its spot in your pack before Salamence came out, seeming to sense your frustration.

“Can you believe it, Sal? The unbeatable Gojo Satoru is wasting his time here and ignoring his job. Think about how many people look up to him as champion!” you exclaimed, pacing as Salamence nodded his head.

That’s why they say never meet your heroes.

“He asked me to find his craving in 5 minutes. How the hell am I supposed to know what he’s craving? I barely met the man. I just know he likes sweets from all those interviews,” you admitted, shaking your head.

Salamence suddenly began nudging at the backpack you laid on the ground, tipping it over until its contents began to spill out.

“Hey knock it off bud, are you hungry or something?” you asked, reaching to gather the spilled contents. You paused when you laid eyes on the can of lemonade given to you by Nanami’s Lucario.

“There’s no way,” you mumbled to yourself, holding the can in your hands.

Worth a shot, I guess, you thought.

“Salamence, return.” Once your dragon was safely tucked back into his pokeball, you strode back to the champion, placing the can of lemonade on the table before him.

Gojo looked at you incredulously, then eyed the lemonade with a look you struggled to pinpoint.

“Satisfied?” you asked, bracing yourself for a rejection.

Instead, the sincere smile gracing his features took you by surprise. The way he picked it up made it seem like it was something precious, and suddenly the champion looked much younger.

“I am,” he said, moving to stand up to his impressive height. He towered over you, forcing you to look up as he stepped into your space. You gulped as you took notice of how stupidly handsome this man was.

“You win for today. But I’m sure I’ll see you again soon,” he drawled, stunning you with a wink.

You watched silently as he walked away, his enormous Charizard appearing before him. You gawked at the beautiful pokemon, the dragon-type lover in you urging you to come closer.

He was gone within seconds, leaving you with a lingering funny feeling, especially after seeing that last smile. It was nothing like the smiles you were familiar with - the arrogant smiles he wore after each victory, the charming smiles he put on for each interview. You grew lost in thought as you tried swallowing the urge to make him smile like that again.

What did I get myself into?

“Altaria, use peck!” you yelled, watching your pokemon dive toward the challenger’s Machoke. The Machoke stumbled back with the force of the hit, but quickly righted itself.

“Machoke, use low sweep!” your challenger yelled, his pokemon wasting no time in kicking out its feet against your Altaria.

Your pokemon dodged skillfully, evading the assault with minimal effort. After a couple more turns, your Altaria finished off the opponent’s pokemon with a final peck.

“And the winner is, our Gym Leader! Better luck next time, trainer Itadori,” your gym assistant said.

The boy named Itadori Yuji sank to his knees dramatically, placing his head in his hands as he yelled out in sorrow.

“You fought well Itadori,” you said, offering your hand to him.

“Wait, really?!” he exclaimed, taking your hand. His look of despair was immediately replaced with hope, reminiscent of a puppy.

“Yes, that Machoke of yours is quite strong. My advice is to work a bit more on type matchups,” you said, smiling as he eagerly noted your tips.

“Alright, just you wait! I’ll train even harder and I’ll beat you in no time,” he exclaimed, the fire once again alight in his eyes.

“I look forward to it,” you said genuinely, watching as he ran out of the gym in record time. And you meant it. While he was a little sloppy, he fought bravely, and with raw power you haven’t seen in a while. You could definitely see him challenging Gojo one day.

You reached up to stroke Altaria’s feathers, commending her for another battle well done.

“Okay, the rest of you can come out now,” you said aloud, smiling as the other 5 pokemon in your party came out of their pokeballs and began cheering for your victory.

Suddenly, Salamence began growling towards the platform where you usually held your battles. A familiar figure sat perched on the steps, smiling down at you like you were old friends.

“Congrats on the win, dragon prodigy,” Gojo said, unaffected by the rising hostility from Salamence.

“Easy bud, it's okay,” you said, patting his side.

“How long have you been here?” you said, struggling to comprehend how he evaded notice.

“Long enough to see you bullshit that battle with Yuji,” he said, pissing you off with his infuriating smile.

“Excuse me?” you asked, debating on letting Salamence go off on him.

“With your skillset, you’re capable of defeating his pokemon with a single move from each of yours. Yet each of his pokemon lasted longer than they should’ve,” he said meaningfully, his long steps quickly eating up the distance between you two.

“Why is that?” he asked, suddenly much closer to you, ignoring the snarling from Salamence.

You looked straight into his blue eyes, intrigued by how they were flicking back and forth between your own, studying you.

“Every time I defeat a challenger that way, it crushes their spirit. I’m still beating them, but I’m giving them a bit more confidence and practice this way,” you answered, turning away from him.

It broke your heart to see the look of utter defeat on each challenger’s face when you actually fought even close enough to your full strength.

Gojo hummed, shaking his head at you.

“You’re setting them up for failure. You’re giving these kids the false hope that their pokemon are strong enough to stand against your own, then when they finally get to the elite 4, they won’t stand a chance,” he said, piercing you with his words.

“Then they won’t have a single hope against me,” he continued coldly, watching for your reaction.

You never thought about it that way, how taking it easy on your challengers could be hurting them more than helping them.

“My advice: don’t hold back. I’d love to watch that beautiful fighting style of yours when you’re serious,” he said lowly, placing something cold in your hands before walking away.

You looked down at your hands quizzically, finding a can of lemonade.

“It’s the best after a fight!” Gojo yelled over his shoulder before he left.

You stood in silence, mulling over his words over and over again.

You slid your pokedex back into your pocket after confirming you found the right building.

Pokemon Trainer’s School was written in bold letters on the first sign you saw.

Your entrance into the building turned a few heads, and you earned a good amount of wide-eyed smiles and points as you searched the building for a certain champion.

“It’s the 8th gym leader!”

“The dragon prodigy is here!”

“Oh my gosh let's go get an autograph!”

You smiled and waved politely at each of them, making your way through each room until you finally spotted Gojo, standing in front of a chalkboard of a small class of students.

His eyes flickered to yours, but he continued talking as if he were expecting you.

“In order for you to defeat dragon-type pokemon, it’s best to use Ice and Fairy-type pokemon. But make sure to study the types of your opponent, and be weary of dual-types,” he said.

You narrowed your eyes at him, which he of course ignored.

“Ah, perfect timing. Class, we have a special treat for today! A lesson from the very own dragon gym leader herself!” Gojo announced, gesturing to you.

You froze as 6 heads turned your way, various levels of shock written across each of their faces.

“A lesson from the gym leader herself, so cool!” the boy you recognized as Itadori yelled, pumping his fist.

You plastered on a polite smile as you walked up to the front towards Gojo, leaning into his space while the students were buzzing with chatter.

“Teaching them how to defeat me, are you? You’re such a dick,” you said quietly, nudging him in the ribs.

“Worried?” he countered, the grin evident in his voice.

“You wish,” you snapped, trying not to smile. It didn’t bother you, truly. What you were really trying to wrap your head around was why the elite champion was spending his afternoon teaching such a small class of trainers instead of battling his own challengers.

“Perfect, then you don’t mind teaching us a lesson about how to beat dragon types then right? Thank you!” he said, moving aside to sit amongst his students. You flipped him off before any of the kids could see, then focused your attention on the students staring at you expectantly.

“Alright, dragon types 101 then,” you said, launching into a lesson explaining almost everything you knew about your favorite type of pokemon.

The students listened attentively, surprising you with their engagement and the thoughtfulness of their questions. Class flew by in the blink of an eye, and soon enough you were alone in the classroom with Gojo.

He let out a whistle as you sat next to him on top of one of the desks.

“You’re a natural. Ever thought about teaching?” he said.

“Not really. But that was nice actually, those kids are very smart,” you admitted, smiling at the champion.

From the way his eyes widened ever so slightly, it must have thrown him off, seeing you smile for the first time like that.

“They are. I’ll bet you the future champion is among them,” he said sincerely, smiling warmly for once.

It tickled at your chest, the way his different expressions made you feel. You felt greedy to see more sides of him.

“Is that why you’re here, instead of doing your job?” you asked softly, nudging your knee against him.

“I’d much rather be here training these kids to become the best, than have to waste my time battling a bunch of rowdy upstarts who would abuse the champion title,” he said truthfully.

“Is that why you’re avoiding battles? Scared someone will beat you?” you asked curiously, studying the way his long lashes fanned against his cheek when he looked down.

“Nah. More like I don’t want to bother with kids who have zero chance beating me. It’s way more fun to train these kids to become strong enough to beat me. I’d be happy to hand over my title to one of them, someday,” he said, nudging you back.

His words made you pause.

“That was the most decent thing I’ve ever heard you say,” you said, thoughtfully, admiring the way the light of the late afternoon made his hair seem to glow.

“That's rude as hell,” he said, causing you to burst out in laughter. By the time you finished, you realized he’d been staring at you, making a blush creep up your cheeks.

“What?” you said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear nervously.

“What do I have to do to make you laugh like that again?” he asked genuinely, unleashing a hoard of butterfrees in your stomach.

You raised your brows, waiting for him to crack a joke or say something stupid again. But he didn’t, he was serious.

“Go back to the Pokemon League and do your job, then I’ll give you an award,” you said, smiling at the look of interest on his face.

“Hmm, since you were so kind to teach my kids a lesson, I’ll go back to work,” he said, rising up to his impressive stature.

“But I expect my reward to be paid in advance,” he said, leaning down so his face was inches away from yours.

You blushed furiously as his eyes flickered down to your lips.

Clearing your throat, you calmed yourself, plastering the sweetest smile you could muster on your lips.

“Close your eyes then,” you said as silkily as you could, trailing your left hand up his arm.

The champion froze, eyes widening before he complied and shut them. You fought a giggle before pressing the can of lemonade against his lips, enjoying the way his eyes shot open in surprise.

He grabbed the can from your hand before you dashed out of the room, giggling at your prank. You heard his hearty laughter echoing across the halls before you left.

It was a rare day off you had to yourself. No gym challengers, no chasing Gojo, just you and your Pokemon lounging at the beach.

The elite 4 sent you a thank you letter, claiming Gojo’s attendance had gone up significantly since you started checking up on him. They told you to take the week off, and you gladly did. There was an odd pang in your chest, though. You had become accustomed to seeing the champion, used to facing the different challenges he gave you that would get him back to work. He was undoubtedly annoying and cocky, yet you dared to find yourself missing him and the way he made you laugh.

Beach. Enjoy the beach, you urged yourself.

Kingdra and Gyrrados were racing each other in the water, joined by a couple of wild water pokemon. Altaria was soaring with a flock of wingulls, showing off her speed. Goodra and Garchomp were playing in the sand, creating what looked like a giant hole. Salamence was content to be laying at your side, sunbathing next to you.

You broke out of your daze once Altaria started nudging you with her wing.

“What’s up Tari? Are you already done flying?” you said, sitting up as you pressed your sunglasses to the top of your head.

You were taken aback to see that the sunny skies had been completely replaced with angry stormclouds, threatening to unleash their rain at any second.

“Oh geez, it’s about to start pouring huh,” you said, quickly gathering up your things.

You returned the rest of your party to their pokeballs, where they would be safe from the incoming storm.

The rain began coming down heavily, and you dashed out of the sand to take cover under a tree.

An ear-piercing cry startled you, and you turned to see two kids standing next to rocks by the shore.

“Hey you two! It’s dangerous to be out here when it's storming!” you yelled, walking towards the young kids.

They turned their identical faces towards you, both streaked with tears.

“Please rescue our Eevee!” one of them cried, clinging to you.

“She was swimming when the storm started. We can’t find her anywhere!” the other said.

You knelt to be eye-level with them, grabbing one of their hands in each of yours.

“I’ll find her for you, okay? But I need you both to stay hidden. It’s dangerous when it rains, the stronger pokemon tend to come out,” you warned.

“Salemence!” you yelled, watching as your pokemon appeared before you.

The twins looked at him with a mix of fear and awe as he quickly lifted his wings to shield them from the rain.

“I need you to stay with him okay? He’ll keep you safe while I rescue your Eevee,” you said. They nodded, huddling together against your pokemon.

Salamence immediately roared in protest, undoubtedly refusing to leave your side.

“I need you to protect them Sally, please. I’ll be okay, I promise,” you said, dropping your backpack next to him. You grabbed the mouthpiece that allowed you to breathe underwater, then dove into the sea before you had a chance to chicken out.

The freezing temperature of the water was a shock to your system. You had to rescue this Eevee fast if you wanted to avoid frostbite. You had honed your body to withstand extreme climates as you trained alongside your pokemon, but even you knew you couldn’t last long in this weather.

You swam furiously, dodging every pokemon within your radius. Not all of them would charge at you to battle, but the rain made it practically impossible to distinguish which pokemon was what, and you didn’t want to risk finding out. While treading water, you spotted a blur of brown on a group of rocks.

Swimming closer, you spotted a little Eevee, soaked wet and shivering. The poor thing looked up at you with sad, scared eyes as you hopped out of the water to approach it.

“It’s okay little one, I’m here to rescue you okay?” you said through chattering teeth. You struggled to feel your fingers, but you forced yourself to take out the pokeball you borrowed from the twins anyways.

“I’ll get you back to your trainer. Eevee, return,” you said, breathing a sigh of relief once the pokemon was safely back into its ball.

Tucking the ball inside a small pouch you carried, you dove back into the water. To your dismay, a school of tentacruels were gathering near the surface of the water, and you knew them to be aggressive. You’d have to dive deeper into the water to avoid being spotted, but you were running out of time before the cold would give incapacitate you.

Mustering all your strength, you swam the distance back to shore, unable to gather the energy to do anything except lean against a rock just beyond the reach of the water.

Salamence ran to you immediately, the two twins hot on his trail. Once he reached you, he whined and nudged at you, but you were too cold to move. The continued assault of the rain didn’t help the excruciating chill you were feeling.

“S-she’s s-safe,” you bit out, shakily placing Eevee’s pokeball back in the hands of the twins, who cried as they thanked you.

“S-sal, please g-get them t-to the p-pokemon c-center,” you said, your shivers becoming so violent it was near impossible to talk.

Salamence whined, refusing to move. He covered all three of you with his wings, and you had no strength left to chide him for ignoring you.

You vaguely heard the twins speaking to you, asking if you were okay. But you could barely register their words with the cold seeping into your bones, numbing your brain and making you feel sleepy.

“Shit,” you heard from a familiar voice. You felt his hand against your cheek before he released a hiss.

“You’re fucking freezing,” he said, and you cracked your eyes open enough to see the panic racing against his beautiful features.

“G-gojo?” you chattered, wondering if the hypothermia was getting to your brain and making you see things.

“Salamence, please get the kids to safety,” Gojo asked. You heard Salamence growl in response.

“I promise I will help your trainer, but I can’t do that if I need to help them too. Please,” he said, surprising you with how softly he spoke to your pokemon.

It must have worked, as you heard the beating of his wings that meant he took flight. Probably to the nearest Pokemon Center to bring the twins to safety.

“Bear with me for a sec,” Gojo said, lifting you up with one arm under your legs and one across your lower back.

“I’m f-fucking c-cold,” you said, shaking violently in his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I know baby. I’ll get you warm,” he said, breaking out into a sprint. You clung to him as much as you could, releasing your grip once the sound of the rain became muffled.

He set you down gently against what felt like a wall of rock. The cold bit into your skin, but at least it was dry here.

Gojo knelt to face you, taking your face in his hands. You leaned your cheek into his warm palms, feeling overwhelmed with relief at seeing his familiar face.

“I need to get you out of your wet clothes, okay?” he said, not moving until you nodded. Once you did, he made quick work of your outfit, stripping you down until you were completely bare before him.

Any embarrassment you felt was overshadowed by the determination in his eyes, the hard set to his mouth that you rarely ever caught without a smile. A part of you wished he’d crack a joke or say something stupid to piss you off and lighten the mood, but he didn’t.

Reaching into his pack, he swiped a hand towel and began silently running it across your body, drying you swiftly as you continued to shiver.

His cerulean eyes shimmered with focus as he stripped off his own clothing, slipping his own shirt over your frame. You sighed with relief as the warm, dry fabric of his shirt soothed your chilled skin, hanging over you like a dress and enveloping you with his clean scent.

“Better?” he asked, taking your frozen fingers into his hands, and exhaling onto them to warm them up.

You nodded, warmth filling your body with how gently he was treating you. Your eyes traveled town his toned torso, admiring how his body seemed sculpted out of marble.

“But won’t you be c-cold?” you asked, wrapping your arms tightly against yourself.

“Worry about yourself, prodigy. Your lips are blue,” he said, settling himself behind you in only his pants and boots.

He placed his hands onto your hips, lifting you slightly and settling you on his lap. You gasped as the warmth of his front began seeping into your back, his arms cradling you and he continued to wordlessly rub your hands between his. It felt incredibly intimate.

He’s just doing it to save your life, calm down, you thought to yourself.

He paused for a second, reaching his hand to grab something from his pocket.

“Charizard,” he said. Within seconds, the pokemon appeared before your eyes, staring down at you.

“We need your fire. Please,” Gojo said, jerking his head down towards you.

Charizard nodded, laying down on its stomach, positioning the tip of its tail in front of you and Gojo. The fire at the tip of its tail provided you with immediate relief.

After a while, the shivering racking your body subsided, and your teeth finally stopped chattering.

“Thank you. Both of you,” you said quietly, breaking the silence. Charizard made a sound that you took as “you’re welcome, I guess,” and Gojo’s arms around you tightened.

“You could’ve died, you know,” Gojo said lowly, his voice tickling the shell of your ear.

“I know,” you answered, squeezing his hands that held yours.

“Why would you put yourself at risk like that?” he asked more calmly than you’d expected, rubbing slow circles into your palms.

“I couldn’t just leave their Eevee out there. It would’ve died,” you said, observing the rain still heavily pouring outside of the cave. There’s not a single doubt in your mind that their Eevee would’ve lost it’s life had you not saved it, either from drowning or from hypothermia.

“Why didn’t you have your pokemon help you? You have water types,” Gojo pressed, leaning forward to rest his chin on your shoulder, causing you to shiver.

“I couldn’t risk any of them getting injured. They’re too precious to me,” you said.

Gojo heaved a heavy sigh, the warmth of his exhale tickling across the sensitive skin near your nape.

“You and your bleeding heart,” he said, a mixture of resignment and admiration in his voice.

“Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same. But I would’ve at least called for help first,” he said, making you laugh.

“Right, how did you know to find me here?” you asked, warm enough to turn in his lap to face him. Your breath caught as you realized just how close he was to you, and you couldn’t help your eyes as they lingered on his perfectly pink lips.

You’d never been close enough to him before to see the little flecks of silver that made his eyes shine. His silvery hair was slightly damp from the rain, a few strands curling around his face that made him seem younger. He was devastatingly beautiful.

He reached out to tuck a stray piece of your hair behind your ear.

“I just had a sudden urge to see you. I’ve become so used to seeing your pretty face show up everywhere I go, that I got lonely when you stopped,” he said honestly. You smiled.

“Imagine my surprise when I get here and you’re freezing to death. You really scared me back there,” he said, his throat bobbing.

He was frightened for you. He saved you. He cared about you.

You leaned forward, gingerly wrapping your arms around his neck in a tight hug. He returned it immediately, wrapping his hands across your shoulders. His hands traced small circles into your skin, as if he needed to keep touching you to make sure you were still there.

“I’m sorry. Thank you,” you whispered into his ear, rubbing your cheek against the silky skin of his shoulder.

The two of your relaxed in the silence, the sound of the rain and Charizard’s breathing becoming strangely comforting.

The sound of a familiar roar shook you from your thoughts, as Salamence landed at the front of the cave, a package in his mouth.

“Sally!” you yelled, attempting to get up from Gojo’s lap. His long fingers grasped your hips, tugging you back down to him.

“You’re not warm enough yet. Stay,” he said, earning him a warning growl from Salamence.

Salamence shook off the rain at the entrance of the cave, walking towards you. Him and Charizard exchanged a few snarls, but neither of them actually made any moves towards the other.

You stuck your arm out, and Salamence stuck his nose against your palm.

“You okay bud? You’re soaked,” you said, feeling the chill from the rain on his skin. He chuffed, depositing the package in his mouth beside you.

Gojo unwrapped it, finding a set of dry clothes and a few towels. The pokemon centers usually prepared these packages for extreme weather, and the twins must have alerted one of the nurses to send him off with one.

“Good job,” Gojo said, reaching out his hand to pat Salemence. To your complete surprise, Salamence accepted his touch, closing his eyes contently as Gojo scratched his chin.

“Let’s get you changed and head out. I’d rather get you checked out to be safe first, that okay?” Gojo asked, rubbing his hands up and down your arms, checking how warm you were.

You nodded, wishing he would never stop touching you.

Luckily, you narrowly avoided hypothermia or frostbite thanks to Gojo. You were able to recover quickly, and before you knew it you were back at your platform inside of your gym.

“How many challengers do we have today?” you asked your gym assistant, feeding Garchomp a pokepuff.

“Um, one,” he said, eyes darting left to right nervously.

“Just one?” you questioned, noticing how your assistant looked more anxious than usual. You were used to battling 4-5 challengers a day, making sure to give your pokemon ample rest between. It was unusual for you to only have one battle.

“Yes ma’am. He requested he be the only one,” your assistant said, fiddling with his pokedex.

“Requested? Who the hell does this guy think he is,” you said, glaring at the trembling teenager. It was very bold to request to be the only challenger at a gym - it usually implied that the trainer thought very highly of themselves.

“The champion,” Gojo said, stepping up from the staircase, smirking at you cockily.

You furrowed your brows as you stared at the Champion. He was actually dressed in his fighting attire - a dark blue zip-up with his collar popped up, and matching pants. You had to admit he looked damn good in it, even though he looked great in everything.

“You’re challenging me today?” you asked, placing you hands on your hips as you gawked at him in disbelief. To your dismay, Salamence came barreling up to him, nuzzling his side like they were old friends.

“Yup,” he said, happily complying with Salamence’s demands for pets. Gojo walked up to you, stopping just a few feet before you.

“I challenge you, dragon prodigy. If I win, you’ll let me take you out on a date,” he said, flashing an infuriatingly bright smile at you as he winked.

You threw your head back as you shook with laughter. Only he would be extra enough to challenge you to a battle in order to ask you out.

“You’re on, champion,” you said, mirroring his own grin with your own. Salamence roared in excitement, undoubtedly itching to face off with Gojo’s Charizard.

“And don’t you dare hold back on me baby, cuz I sure as hell won’t be holding back on you,” he said, readying the pokeball in his hands.

“I wouldn’t dare. Lets go, Salemence!” you said, watching your pokemon ready his stance in front of you.

But you knew you had already lost - because you were going out with him regardless of the outcome of this battle.

Back at the Pokemon League

“Seems like the dragon gym leader succeeded,” Yuta said, smiling at the news article on his pokedex.

“Indeed. Gojo agreed to stop ditching work as long as we invested more funds into training schools,” Nanami said, kicking a ball back and forth with his Lucario.

“Oh, I was talking about her finally dating Gojo. But it was great that she helped us get him back to work,” Yuta said, showing Nanami the article he was looking at.

Newest Dragon-type Gym Leader spotted holding hands with Pokemon Champion Gojo!

The ends of Nanami’s lips curved up as he smiled, shaking his head.

“It’s about time. He hasn’t shut up about her for years,” Nanami said. Yuta’s light laughter filled the room as he handed his Dusclops an oran berry.

“By the way, why did you have Lucario send her that can of lemonade the first time she came here?” Yuta asked.

“Ah, that,” Nanami began, patting Lucario on the head.

“Gojo got that brand every time he won a battle, back when we were teenagers. I figured it would help her make a good first impression,” he said. Yuta laughed once more.

“Looks like it worked.”

~fin~

182 notes · View notes

anemonelovesfiction · 1 year

Text

Fated Mates 1

Ao’nung x Human AFAB! Reader

Warnings!⚠️: Mentions of Character death, sex- duhh, sex pollen just to speed the plot up, p in v, oral, use of Na’Vi words, Ao’nung Makto, please don’t ask I thought it was funny asf. I’m my own beta reader so pls excuse anything thats written wrong or doesnt make sense.

English words are stricken through whenever anyone says them

This is only part one, I’m currently unsure of how long this fanfic will be but it’ll deff be multiple chapters. As of right now I’m halfway through the second one, but please don’t rush me. My ideas flourish when I put myself in place of Y/n lol.

Translation station

Tawtute: Sky person (human)

Toruk Makto: Rider of last shadow (used to talk abt Jake)

Vrrtep: Demon

Tewng: Loincloth

Yawne: Beloved

Tìyawn: My love

Sa’nu: Mommy (but I used it thinking it meant “mama”)

Yawntutsyìp: Darling

Word count: 12.7 K … I got carried away

*~*~*~*~*

Next>>

“You might need to sit down for this.”

“Why?”

I’d always visited Neteyam since the night he’d passed. I’d often done so on my free time late at night when everyone else was asleep and wouldn’t reprimand me for going without a diving partner- I just didn’t want anyone asking invasive questions about my visits. He had a habit of being in the forest, the humid environment not really being one I cared for, but never said anything because I knew it brought him comfort.

“You remember the two tawtute who came to live with my family?” He asks me although I’m sure he knew the answer.

“Yes.” I stated curtly.

Toruk Makto had to plead his case for them to be taken in under his wing. Everyone hates the two tawtute being a part of the clan, yet somehow they managed to get my sister and Rotxo to like them. The boy seems to have a thing for the forest girl- Kiri- and for some reason I believe Rotxo might like the girls company too much. The thought of them staying here made me shiver.

“I’ve been keeping a secret from you about Y/n.” He stated and I’d just made a confused face. He smiles and shakes his head to himself.

“The girl, Y/n, thats her name. You should use it to address her from now on.”

“Why?” I asked again, wondering where this conversation was headed

“Well-“

He seemed too nervous for my liking and all I wanted to know was what he was hiding. He never hid much from me since I apologized to him for how I’d acted throughout the time they spent with us. I’d taken it upon myself to ask Lo’ak and Kiri for forgiveness for my actions in the past as well.

“Spit it out.” I stated firmly as I continued standing and crossed my arms across my chest as I waited for him to find the courage to tell me what he needed to.

“I have chosen her as your mate.”

I could only tilt my head as I look at his face and let out a small laugh.

“Neteyam-“

“I’m serious.”

“No you aren’t.” I stated firmly and could felt uneasy, my knee’s felt weak and I knew I had to sit down, but I wanted to remain standing to appear unbothered. But he could read me like a book.

“Eywa stated that she needed my help with- with your temper- and trust me it’s a lot.” He stops looking at me and turns around. “She said she needed someone who would tame that side of you and the only person I could think of was Y/n.”

“What?” I asked loudly, not registering I’d basically yelled at him.

“She’ll be a guarded at first, she’s sassy when she needs to be, but she’s a sweet heart under it all.”

“Neteyam-“ I try cutting him off as my mind starts going through this process quickly, I’m unable to think, and I suddenly feel dizzy, maybe I should sit down.

“Trust me when I say this is the best outcome for you and she needs someone like you in her life-“

“Neteyam!” I yell his name to get him to stop rambling and a look of disbelief washes over my features as I look at him. There was no way Eywa would have accepted this- my mother surely wouldn’t, she despised the tawtute, voiced her opinion loudly to my father, but he ignored her and let them stay.

“How do you even know all of this?” I asked again once He’d stopped talking and thats when his face changes to one I’ve never seen before, one that mimics a child begging for forgiveness before they explain what they did.

“Before I died…” He stops and finds the courage to look up at me again, his yellow eyes meeting mine, he sighs before beginning again.

“Before I died, we were courting. She is captivating in every way possible, a wonderful person-“

“What?” I asked in disbelief at this revelation as he’d never shared with any of us- at least to my knowledge- about his love life.

“A Na’Vi and a Tawtute?” I asked aloud again.

“My mother was against it, yours will be too-“

“No.” I cut him off again, I understood how rude I was being but there was no way I could allow myself to be mated to a tawtute.

“Tawtute cannot mate with us. They can’t form a bond, they can’t experience Eywa like we can, they can’t have our children, and I heard they die quickly.”

“It’ll be a tight fit but it works. They can’t bond the way we can but you could mark her. She’s a sensitive person already and I have seen her face- in awe- at every celebration. You can have children together if you’re fated mates and once you actually mate with her for the first time, Eywa said her age would become compatible to yours. I’m not sure how but-“

“No, Neteyam. No!” I yelled again. “This is crazy, I refuse to allow this to happen. I’m done here.”

Before he could explain any further I’d yanked my kuru from the spirit tree thus breaking my connection with Neteyam. The trip back home was a blur as all I could think of was everything he’d told me.

I decided to put a stop to the nightly visits to the Spirit tree and kept a distance from it in fear that he’d tell me this was something I had to do. I was already under my parents intense instructions as to how I need to live my life to take over once my father passes, I didn’t need another person telling me what I needed to do with my life.

I’d purposely avoided hanging out with the group knowing the tawtute would be there, I didn’t need to be reminded of everything Neteyam said, but that avoidance lasted too little for my liking, cutting myself off from them meant cutting my social circle completely, I had nobody to talk to and couldn’t bring myself to stay busy the entire day.

Two weeks seemed to be my limit.

_________

I’d always been nervous to join the group of friends that Lo’ak and Kiri had made. Spider had no problem fitting in, but he was always down for whatever, plus he had no shame in anything. But the one who I disliked having any interaction with, was the bully. Kiri didn’t hesitate to fill me in on everything he’d put them through- including his apology to them, but I still disliked him.

Upon walking up to the group I typically nervously hid behind Kiri or Spider, or even Tuk since she was taller than me, but I’d spaced out on the way over and didn’t have time to do so.

“Hey Y/n,” Rotxo saves the day by noticing me and sweetly getting my attention. I smile back at him and give a shy wave, I could feel the scrutiny of Ao’nungs judgmental stare and chose to ignore him.

“Hi,” I stated shyly at the teal man who’d greeted me first. Rotxo had a pretty cool tattoo covering his shoulder down his bicep, it was a tribute to his iknimaya, and his tulkun brother has a similar one- or so he stated.

“My favorite tawtute!” Tsireya smiles toward me and I return one just like it.

“Does this mean I’m your second favorite?” Spider teases and I pick up Kiri’s light giggle as she elbows my brother in the ribs. Apart from Jake, who appeared -and earned his title- as a Na’Vi, Spider and myself were the only tawtute Tsireya knew. Sure she’d seen Max and Norm, but she’d never hung out with them like she does with us, and she’d only seen them once.

I only turned to look at Spider and rolled my eyes, he was a skxawng, always getting too comfortable with speaking in Na’Vi and never thinking about what he says. Yet I followed behind him as the giggle rips through my own mouth as well the more I thought about his comment.

“That still makes you the least favorite human.” I responded as he playfully pushes my head forward, letting the English phrase slide past my tongue subconsciously.

“Whose excited for today?” Tsireya asks and I could feel my nerves return, I bit my bottom lip and looked at the sand worriedly. I looked back up to Tsireya who was giving me a look.

“Whats wrong?” She asks sweetly and I shuffle in the sand a bit.

“She keeps saying she has a bad feeling about today but we’ve told her nothing bad will happen.” Kiri explains and places her hands on my shoulders giving me a comforting squeeze.

“The weather is fine, the sun is out, the wind is not strong-“ Rotxo states as he looks back into the water we’d yet to go in.

“It’s just-“ I stop myself and cover my face with my hand before sliding that hand back in my hair. “The last time I had this feeling, Spider and I were caught by the avatar’s. And we can see how badly that ended.” I pushed out.

“Hey, that won’t happen again, y’know that, right?” Lo’ak is quick to answer as he steps by my side, squatting on his toes to reassure me, Spider also coming up on my other side and hugging me. Kiri remained behind me as she comforted me by holding me by my shoulders, gently rubbing them, I was surrounded by great people.

I nod weakly at his direction but couldn’t shake the feeling.

“Y’know what dad says, right?” Lo’ak asks again and I turn to look at him. I let out a short sigh from my nostrils, just knowing where this conversation is going.

“Sully’s stick together.” Lo’ak, Kiri, and Spider stated and I looked up toward Kiri then toward my other side at Spider.

“Really?” I’m asking them in general.

“Say it back, Y/n/n.” Spider says with a playful smile on his own lips and I roll my eyes as my own smile appears.

“Sully’s stick together.”

There was a total of four Ilu going, meaning everyone was paired up, or almost everyone was. Kiri and Spider were going together and so were Lo’ak and Tsireya- no surprise there. We’d already planned for me to go with Rotxo and everyone decided it was best to leave Ao’nung alone. But in order to get to the Spirit tree, we had to dive under the retaining wall, and it was quite a long breath hold. Up until this point the Ilu had been treading above water, Rotxo had to hold one hand on the harness and the other on my hip, Kiri did the same with Spider.

“H-how long?” I asked Rotxo with a nervous voice and I could tell he knew.

“Long, but we’ll get there as fast as we can, I promise.” He states gently and uses his thumb to rub my side as a means to calm me. “Just breath in using your belly, yeah?” He says again and I nod, doing just that, taking in a breath using my diaphragm. I hold on to the harness as well, knowing that once we dive our bodies will essentially float off of the Ilu.

“Here we go,” He states as he too takes in a quick breath and we dive.

The sea floor was never really something we came close to seeing, but the vivid colors of the coral that popped up every now and again were beautiful and caught my attention. I’d come to realize we were actually pretty close to the retaining wall as Rotxo lifted one of his hands to touch the bottom part of it, I refrained from doing the same since I didn’t want my skin to shred off of my finger, I didn’t know how fast we were going and decided not to risk it. The space between the retaining wall and the sea floor wasn’t huge, but it was just enough to let the migrating tulkin come for a visit, a cute story they all shared with me from when Neteyam was alive.

I caught a couple different fish swimming around us and heading up toward the little pools of water that were at the top of the retaining wall. The Natives made sure to feed the fish that came up and only occasionally take some as to not scare them all off. I had no idea the variety of shimmering colorful scales there were but looked at them in awe. I was tapped on the shoulder twice and knew we were about to resurface and as soon as we did all eyes were on me.

“That was so beautiful!” I basically yelled and giddily jump on the Ilu. “All of the pretty colors, and the different fish, and the coral!” I squeal at it and can hear a couple of them laughing, my face felt warm and I just knew a blush was covering my cheeks.

“We’re not that far away-“ Lo’ak breaks the silence and everyone continues on the path.

_________

I’d spent the majority of these past two weeks picking up extra work and making sure I could keep my mind off of what Neteyam had told me just to circle back so easily toward our group just because I couldn’t stand not having a social life.

I knew they’d planned an excursion of some sort, Tsireya had mentioned it to me in the hopes that I hung out with them again, and I wanted to- but I didn’t really want to because of the girl.

I knew I wasn’t in the mood to be carrying anyone with me on the Ilu, but seeing Rotxo with his hands all over her made me feel weird. Surprisingly she’d managed to hold her breath long enough to get past the retaining wall, but her child-like excitement at what she’d seen was something that made something in my chest tighten, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to understand it as I dived and headed off to where we were meant to be.

I’d been the first to arrive near the petals of the spirit tree and slid off my Ilu. I was tempted to connect myself to the tree but refrained as I knew the rest would be coming soon and I’m certain Tsireya would be upset that I’d done so without a diving partner. Just as I’d lifted myself up on the make-shift bridge I can see the rest of them coming in through the entrance, and the awe-struck face of the girl caught my attention once more.

She’s a sensitive person already and I have seen her face- in awe- at every celebration.

Neteyam’s voice rang through my head as I see the tears slide down her cheek.

“Awe, Y/n,” Tsireya coo’s and reaches over to wipe the girls face.

“She cries all the time,” Spider stated and gets hit upside the head by Kiri, I have to look away to stop myself from laughing. I figured I already had a terrible reputation with the girl and doubted they’d think I was laughing at her brother’s misfortune.

“She cries when she see’s beautiful things, skxawng.” Kiri rolls her eyes at the human in front of her.

“So,” Spider slides off the Ilu. “All the time?” He jokes and swims away from Kiri’s hand, she almost managed to slap him that time too.

“Do you want me to drop you off at the walkway?” Rotxo offers and affectionately places his hand on the humans head and I have to look away again. Some stupid part of me wanted to hiss at the action just then.

“I’ll swim.” Her tiny voice speaks up as she too slides off the Ilu. Splashing away before catching up toward the other human and smacking him on the head.

“Hey!” Spider yells as she manages to reach the walkway, pulling herself up, and twisting her body to sit as the water cascades back down.

“This is a sacred place, Spider, stop being petty in front of Eywa.” She scolds him as he grabs onto her leg and tries pulling her back in the water.

“I’ll take Eywa’s rath over you being right any day-“ He huffs as he yanks once more, knocking her off the bridge and back into the water.

I shake my head, they acted like literal children, and it didn’t help that they were already smaller than we were. Well the girl was smaller, the boy was pretty tall for a tawtute.

It didn’t take long for them to partner up, for obvious reasons Lo’ak and Tsireya were partnered up as well as Kiri and Rotxo. Kiri said she didn’t want to risk connecting to the spirit tree below water to prevent what happened last time and she’d offered me the opportunity to partner up with Rotxo instead but I declined.

The tawtute were huddled on the walkway too close for my liking as they spoke in their native tongue. I had no idea what they were saying and I didn’t want to learn their stupid language.

“Hey, fish lips-“ My ears flicker at the Na’Vi being spoken my way, I roll my eyes and ignore him.

“He has a name, Spider-“ I could hear the girl say in a hushed tone. I still ignored the two and refused to turn to look at them, focusing my stare down at the others connected to the spirit tree.

“Then yew azk hm,” I heard the retched language again.

“Uh-“ I heard the unsure voice of the girl and could hear foot steps getting closer. I turn with an unenthused look on my face but it turns to one of surprise when I realize it’s the girl.

“Sorry to bother you,” she stated so quick I almost didn’t understand what she had said. “But do you not have anyone you want to visit?” She asks so sweetly.

“Is that really your business?” I sneer at her and see her thin her lips immediately.

“N-no, not really. I just-“

“Then stop bothering me.” I answered before turning my head.

_________

“Thats the last time I try being nice to him.”

“That was the only time you’ve spoken to him.” Spider states as he moves his legs in the water, the rest of his body sitting on the magnetic rock.

“Because he’s rude. He’s a dick.” I sat back down and sigh heavily. I can feel the wind pick up and the hairs on my arm stand to attention, goosebumps covering my body.

“Hey, Spider-“ I stated in a serious tone and he looks up at me.

“What is it?” He asks with a raised brow and I can feel the tingle in my body.

“I felt it.” I stated seriously and his face falls at the realization. He looks up above my head and I turn to look behind me at the black clouds that were starting to cover the sky.

“Hey- hey, It’s going to be okay, we’ll make it back safe.” He reassures me but I shake my head as all I can do is think back to what happened the last time I got this feeling.

“Hey, fish lips, we need to call everyone back!” Spider yells for him and all I can do is get lost in thought about what could possibly happen. I’d never been in the sea during a storm. The waves start picking up by the tree but only a little.

“Everything is fine, we don’t need to-“ Ao’nung starts talking but pauses when he turns around. He jumps into the water immediately and leaves us on the surface.

“Spider we need to leave, now!” I yelled and could feel myself breathing heavily.

“Look at me, look-“ He grabs my face harshly but I couldn’t really feel it. “We got out of dad’s grasp we can get out of this too, yeah?”

All I could do was nod and at that point everyone had emerged from the waters, calling over the Ilu.

“Y/n, come here-“ Rotxo is quick to call me as his Ilu strides over. I’m shaking at this point and struggle to lower myself on the walkway and toward his Ilu.

“Hurry up!” Ao’nung yells and the waves start picking up, splashing over the walkway

“Bro, shut the fuck up.” Lo’ak speaks and it comes as a shock to everyone. He’s holding onto Tsireya but his look would definitely kill, he turns to me and his face is full of worry as he too makes his Ilu come closer.

“C’mon Y/n/n, lower yourself to sit on the walkway, we’ll help you.” He stated and I nod, I lower myself on the walkway to sit.

“Rotxo, grab her hips and sit her on the Ilu, she doesn’t weigh much.” He reassures the teal guy as he does exactly what Lo’ak says and Spider dives into the water, popping up by Kiri, who offers her hand as she helps him sit on the Ilu she was on.

“We’ll need to try to do the trip under water as much as possible, just tap on my hand when you need to breathe, okay?” Rotxo reassures me and I nod trying to take a deep breath but failing to do so as the tears start.

“You’re okay, Y/n, they won’t take you again. You have all of us here to protect you,” Rotxo states and gingerly pats my tummy, I take a few quick breaths before taking a huge breathe and we dive.

Its crazy how the top of the waters were roaring crazily, waves crashing around as the sea had her mood swings, but everything below the surface remained calm. Rotxo signs to ask me if I’m okay and I sign back that I could use another breath, then tap his arm twice with my own.

“I’m sorry-“ I stated as we reached the surface and I can feel the rain splashing on us harshly, the black clouds had caught up to us and the wind was sharp.

“It’s okay, are you ready?” He asks as he takes a breath of his own and we dive once more.

The group had all resurfaced a little further ahead of us but joined soon after. I knew my intuition was right, but I wanted to have a nice outing today and was hopeful that I was wrong, but after the bad feeling I get in my gut it usually goes away after being proven right but it was still there. I felt a warm presence beside me and in the blink of an eye I flung from the Ilu.

I could feel Rotxo reach out to grab me but he’d failed to as I was already pretty far away. I’d managed to let out a huff of air as I was unexpectedly swept away and held my breath since I couldn’t resurface, waiting for the dizzying current to stop and could feel my vision going black as my eyes felt heavier. Maybe now I would join Neteyam.

_________

For some reason, I had a voice in my head telling me to swim behind everyone else and make sure they got home safe before I did. It might have just been from my fathers training in becoming a great leader, so I shook it off.

We were technically halfway to the retaining wall and the sea water above us was rambunctious. I’m unsure what had caused this type of storm but it was happening for a reason, maybe because we brought them with us to a sacred place.

Before I could think any further I could see Rotxo reaching back to grasp the human that had surprisingly flung off his Ilu. I see how quickly her body was passing by and could only conclude she’d been swept away by a current.

Go home, I’ll get her, I’ll see you there when this is over.

I signed to Rotxo but didn’t wait for his answer as I’d already made my Ilu swim into the current to follow the human. It didn’t take long for me to reach her but she felt limp, I couldn’t resurface and check on her so I swam to the closest place I knew wouldn’t be affected.

Resurfacing in the cave where the water was much calmer helped tremendously. I’d settled the human on the make shift level ground in the middle. I tried remembering what Rotxo said Neteyam had done to Kiri when she swallowed sea water as well. I lean down slowly and turn her body toward the side and she spits up a lot of water. She opens her eyes and sits up quickly, backing away once she see’s me.

“What happened?” She asks immediately as I had placed my hands up to show her I meant no harm. She seemed to have touched a plant as she scooted backward and looks back at her hand as she does and rubs it against her leg.

“You were swept away from a current, I followed after. I couldn’t resurface with the storm so I brought you here to make sure you were fine.” I admit and felt myself confused as to why I was giving her so much information.

“Wheres everyone else?” She asks and coughs a bit.

“I told them to keep going home and we’d meet them there eventually, but we have to wait for the storm to pass.” I explained.

“Why did you save me?” She asks and confusion settles over her face.

“Because I felt like I needed to.” I admit and she lets out a small hum. She looks around in the cave and rests her back against one of the walls.

“Is this your secret place?” She asks and I look back at her raising a brow.

“I come here to think.” I admit and look back toward the natural waterfall that separates the entrance of the cave and where we sat. Water surrounded the make-shift island until where she sat with her back to the wall, the water was shallow near her though.

“It’s pretty, the lights make me feel calm.” She states and points to the bioluminescent walls as some of the plants are blooming around it. I nod absentmindedly as I stare at the plants and the realization hits me.

“Oh no,” I stated and stood up to inspect the flowers. “No, no, no,” I repeated as I rubbed the pollen between my fingers and could smell its sweet aroma.

“What? Whats wrong?” She asks and gets up, wiping her hand on her cheek, I turn and grab at her hand quickly, looking at the pollen on her hands and cheek.

“Ao’nung-“ She pleads.

“I didn’t know they were in bloom- I, I swear I didn’t do this on purpose.” I could feel myself freaking out for the first time in a while.

“You’re freaking out over flowers?” She laughs a little. “I thought this was something serious.”

“It is serious. The pollen reacts with us in a negative way and it-“ I stop myself and look at her. “I have no idea how it would affect you.”

“Is this a kind of joke to get me scared over a flower?” She asks and sits back down.

“Not to tell you what to do but could you hug me or something? You guys are usually very warm and humans are sensitive to temperatures, being wet and in a cave isn’t really good for me.”

“I’m not touching you,” I stated firmly.

“I could die if I’m not warm and no I’m not lying about that. It’s either hug me now or face Jake and Neytiri later.”

_________

I hadn’t woken up from my sleep completely because I’d kept my eyes closed but felt warmer than I usually did. I tried moving to allow myself more ventilation and it wasn’t until now that I felt an arm wrapped around my waist, my back was pressed against someone’s chest.

“Too warm-“ I stated sleeping and tried pushing against the hand on my waist to no avail.

“S’what you wanted.”

I opened my eyes immediately and try pushing with more force but every swipe of my body against his felt good.

“Ao’nung,” I whined but bit my lip at how I’d sounded.

“Y/n,” He retorts back sleepily and pulls me back against his chest.

“So you are capable of calling me something other than Tawtute and Vrrtep.” I try pushing myself away again and feel something else poking into me and he groans. Oh shit.

“Stop moving,” He groans but keeps a tight grip on me.

“Stop holding me against you.” I try getting away and feel his arm tighten around me, not allowing me to move.

“You said-“

“I know what I said, but its hot, I’m sweating. And your hands aren’t helping.”

“So it affects you too.” He states and I turn to look at him- or turn as much as I could.

“Are you going to tell me what that flower does?” I asked and he groans.

“You’ve felt the affects of it already, but I know what you’re thinking and you can’t fix it on your own. I’ve tried before and failed and waiting it out lasts three days. It’s unbearable but I won’t do anything you don’t want to.” I could feel his breath on my neck and bite back a whimper. His finger moves aimlessly around the edges of my tewng, near the bow I used to tie it.

“So we can agree we’re doing this to help each other out right?” I ask and he grunts as an answer, his fingers tugging one of the strings within the bow to untie it.

“I’ll stop when you say, even if it pains me, but you need to understand that you can’t do this by yourself.” He states and kisses my shoulder.

“Yes,”

And with that the string is untied and my tewng is pushed off of my body, my neck is being peppered with many kisses and his hand is rubbing up against my thigh. Grasping it and lifting it up and over one of his own, letting it dangle, and it wasn’t until now that I felt how wet I’d become.

“You smell amazing,” He comments and a blush covers my face. The hand that had been on my thigh is now on my belly, sliding down slowly.

“Shut up,” I gasp as his fangs tug on the skin of my neck just right.

It doesn’t take long for his hands to reach the place I needed them in and I gasp at how gentle he’d been when sliding his hands across my aching cunt.

“What do you like?” He asks while collecting some of my slick and rubbing it on my hardened clit.

“That, I like that-“ I whine as I find it hard to think in Na’Vi since all I could focus on was the pleasure he was providing me at the moment.

“You smell so damn good-“ He groans and takes his fingers away from my cunt, shoving them in his mouth, and I’m mortified, but he groans at the taste. “-and you taste divine,” His fingers move back to where they were.

“Oh fuck,” I whine at the feeling and throw my back.

“I have no idea what you’re saying but I know they’re naughty words, you shouldn’t speak like that, Y/n.”

“Ao’nung go faster, please.”

“You’ve been fingered, right?” He asks.

“Yes~”

He carefully places one inside and the stretch was welcomed, but strange, I hadn’t had anyone do this since just before being captured in the forest. But I couldn’t help myself sliding against it. He snakes his other hand around to hold my clothed breast in his hands.

“You’re close aren’t you, I can feel it.” He whispers and kisses my cheek. I could only throw my head back between his beck and shoulder while shamelessly riding his finger, my bottom lip stuck between my teeth.

“No,” he pulls on my chin with the hand that was on my breast. “I wanna hear you, little one.”

I couldn’t help but allow myself to moan loudly at his words and actions. It doesn’t help that my back was against his chest but I needed my mouth on his.

“Can you take another one?” He asks.

“Yes,” I answer mid moan in plain English and I’m happy he understood as he shoves a second finger in, the stretch wasn’t painful, it felt so good to have someone else doing this again.

“Too wrapped up in pleasure to think in Na’Vi?” He teases and I nod my head.

“Ao’nung, I’m coming-“

“It’s like I can understand you, even with your demon language, come on my fingers, little one.”

_________

Her orgasm gripped my fingers ferociously, her smooth velvety walls were greedily sucking my fingers in at the same time and her moans were making the experience sweeter. I couldn’t help but bite my own lip to prevent the whimper from coming out but failed at doing so as I watched her body react to my fingers alone.

I slid my fingers out of her dripping cunt and could see how well she’d covered them with her juices. I sit up bringing them up closer toward my mouth and taste her again, groaning in pleasure at her taste, she was addictive.

“Let me help you-“ she’s breathing heavily, chest rising up and down as she shakily turns to look at me.

“Why?” I asked her in confusion but wanting to kick myself in the face for turning her help down.

“Because you helped me, now it’s my turn to help you.” I hadn’t noticed before since it was dark in the cave but her pupils were blown wide, yet she was acting sweet.

“You’re acting kind,” I stated in a state of shock and she just nods.

“If we continue I will not be kind, the pollen makes us-“ she places her hand on my mouth to stop me from talking.

“Fuck the pollen, no wait, fuck me, but also fuck the pollen.”

Lo’ak had said that word has two meanings but I seemed to have understood her completely at that moment. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander down toward her mouth and back up at her face again.

“Has he put his in your mouth before?”

“Yes,” She answers plainly as her little fingers greedily move their way to untie my tewng. And the relief flooding through my body as soon as my cock sprang free.

“Woah-“ She comments and just stares, is she disgusted?

She carefully uses a finger to trace it from the head back to the base and wraps that hand around it, her entire hand couldn’t wrap around it completely and I could feel my pride grow.

“So Metkayina men are bigger in every aspect.” She glides her hand back up toward the head and a shudder leaves my body, she slides it back down.

“What about you?” She asks, I hadn’t realized I’d closed my eyes until I find hers on mine when I open them. “What do you like?” She repeats the question I’d asked her earlier as she glides her hand back up toward the head. I place my hand on her head after she asks me the question, ruffling her hair.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, little one.”

And with that she smiles, using her other hand to collect slick from herself and placing it on top of the one on my cock, I couldn’t help but thrust my hips up in her hands after she’d done that. She doesn’t hesitate to run her thumb over the head and I tried to hold it in but-

“Please-“ I beg and thrust myself into her hands again.

“Please what?” She asks in such a tiny voice I felt so out of place but I thrust in her hands again, whimpering at the sensation.

“Awe, come on, use your words.” She teases her thumb over the head again.

“I want-“ I thrust again and moan “-to come,” I huff and thrust myself faster.

“Not yet,” She seemed to be having fun with this as she moved her hands faster.

“Will you stop being mean to me if I let you come?” She asks and it catches me off guard.

“W-what?” I asked as my hips move on their own, just to feel her sweet hands at work, she had such a gentle touch.

“You heard me.”

“I’ll do anything you want if you let me come,” I moan and my breath hitches at her pace.

“Y/n, I’m close-“

“I know,” She leans down to fit the head in her mouth and the warm sensation was what threw me overboard as I came while moaning at the suckling she’d done, losing control of my hips and pushing in the slightest bit.

I’d detangled my hands from her hair, not remembering when it was I’d done that, and her mouth slides off my cock. She has drool and cum dribbling down her chin and I can’t help but use my thumb to clean her up a bit, only to shove it back inside her mouth and she clamps it shut around my finger, sucking it clean without my asking.

“You’re filthy,” I spoke in shock feeling my cock pulse at her actions. “I want to taste you,” I added and she stops sucking, looking back at me with wide eyes, letting go of my thumb she only stares up at me.

“Okay,” she sounds shy all of a sudden but all I can do is smile.

“You’re very beautiful,” I said in a serious tone and she only looks down. I grasp her jawline gently between my pointer finger and thumb, moving her face up to look at mine and lean down to kiss her. She kisses back and wraps her arms around my neck, making my cock twitch back to life.

“How do I take this contraption off?” I tug at the shirt she wore, it was an off the shoulder that came above her belly, but I had no idea how my sister made it or how she took it off. She turns around and moves her hair and I see it tied together.

_________

“How are you ready to go again?” I asked once I turned. I had meant to grab his face to kiss him but felt a little curious.

“Lay down for me,” He orders and I could feel myself clench around nothing but sit on my bum, looking up at him, I was nervous. Sure Neteyam and I had done things with our hands to each other, we’ve also done oral, but we never got to the full act of sex, so I was still a virgin even when Neteyam’s fingers popped my cherry. And there was something taboo about getting head from my friends bully.

“Are you okay?” He asks and I felt the nerves in my belly act up. His hand had come to my face and it felt warm.

“Just nervous.” I nod and turn my head to kiss his hand, his face softens and he leans down to kiss me again.

“I can kiss the nerves away, little one.”

And it surprises me that he does. The heat from the stupid pollen had returned as it made its way throughout my body but with each kiss he’d given me down my neck and onto my collar bones I could feel myself cooking down again. He doesn’t waste any time massaging my bare breast with his massive hands, making sure to pay attention to my nipples.

“You’re a tease-“ I gasp and he hums in agreement placing one of them in his mouth. Twisting his tongue around my nipple.

“Damn,” I mutter breathless.

He switches over toward the other nipple and gives it the same attention and I could feel the slick again, moaning at the sensation of his hand gliding down my side and onto my thighs. Lowering himself as he peppers kisses down my stomach and settles between my legs, making sure his arms are holding my thighs apart, hooking them around and holding me in place.

I swear I can hear him purring but he doesn’t really move, I peer over and notice he’s sniffing my cunt and I moan at the sight. He starts placing kisses on my inner thigh, trailing them up toward his prize and I’m a whimpering mess.

“I’m going to enjoy this more than you are,” He comments and licks teasingly around my lips, but with how sensitive I am down there he may as well have been licking my clit.

“St-stop teas-ing,” I manage to mutter but he doesn’t care since he does it a second time, ripping out a moan from me. I gasp as he licks a fat stripe on my cunt, I buck my hips as much as I can with how still he’s holding me and it makes me feel feral.

He takes his time licking around my already sensitive and puffy clit, kind of like french kissing my cunt, but I couldn’t help myself as I bucked my hips in his mouth, although I hadn’t succeeded much in moving my lower half. I could feel my orgasm approaching and needed to hold onto something- so my hands flew up to his hair. I can hear him laugh into my pussy as he continued eating.

“Fuck, please let me come.” I whine and feel him tapping on my belly with one hand. I struggle to look down and his face is buried in my pussy, but he signs instead.

Go ahead and come.

And with his permission I seize up under his tongue working his magic on me, he’d let go of my thigh as he signed and I humped the ever living fuck out of his face as I came. Once he comes up for air I can see how shiny his nose down to his chin look. I let out a tired giggle upon seeing his face and have come to realize his pupils are blown wide.

“I think I’m addicted to you,” He kisses my tummy on his way back up and plants a kiss on my forehead.

“How?” I asked out of curiosity.

“The way you smell,” He kisses me on the mouth and I could practically feel the emotion.

“The way you taste and the sounds you make,” Another kiss.

“How sweet you are,” Another.

I don’t hesitate to take my hand down toward his penis as he kisses me a third time and he hisses. I run my hand as low as I can and back up, squeezing the head to tease him a little as his hips jerk into my hand.

“I thought I was filthy?” I teased and purposely let go of him.

“You can be,” He leans down and kisses me again.

“Have you ever had- this, with anyone else before?” I asked him.

“Are you getting jealous?” He smirks and I roll my eyes.

“No, skxawng,”

“Yes, but this is also as far as I’ve gotten with them. But I want to go further with you, if you’ll let me.” He seems shocked at his own words but his face is serious. “Have you and-“

“This is as far as we’ve gotten too.” I admit. “But-“ I stop myself and catch his eye.

“I want you to be my first, pollen or not, I want to make you feel good, Ao’nung.” I stated seriously. And his hands find my face gently caressing my cheeks.

“I want you to feel good, but I need you to tell me if it hurts, I’m not sure how much of me you can take or if I’ll hurt you in the process.”

“I took two of your fingers pretty well, I’m sure I can handle you.” I stated and he kisses me again, so much passion and emotion running through me I felt dizzy again.

We found ourselves lying in missionary and he’d been biting his lip the entire time, working his way up to sticking his penis in.

“Look at me Yawne,” He asks and sounds scared as I look over. “You promise you’ll tell me?” He asks and his concern is adorable.

“Yes, I promise, but the burning feeling of the pollen is starting to come back pretty bad,” I whined slightly and he nods. He bites his lip in concentration and places the head against my waiting hole covered in slick. I gasp at the feeling of his head spreading me and it felt massive.

“Fuck-“ He states in pure english and I’m shocked at how he’d used the word correctly. His chest is rising a little faster than before but his eyes were closed.

There was no way this entire thing was going to fit into me and not hurt me, there was no fucking way! I tried to breathe through it to calm my heart but I should have known he would have sensed something was off.

“Talk to me little one, how does it feel?” He asks with such composure I feel surprised he managed to speak so calm.

“Uncomfortable but only a little,” I groan.

“Do you want to stop?” He asks and I keep my head laid down but move my eyes to look at him, shaking my head.

“I’m okay, keep going,” I urge him, he does go in more and he groans. I let out a long exhale as I try mentally preparing myself for this. I let out a cry as soon as I feel his fingers stroking my clit, unintentionally thrusting my own hips, taking more of him in.

“Figured I should help you out a bit,” He teases while running many circles over my already abused bud.

“How much of you is inside?” I asked through clenched teeth.

“About a third,” He states. “Are you okay?” He asks and I nod weakly.

“Just keep doing that,” I grasp onto the hand he has between my legs gingerly and he speeds it up.

“Ah~” I hiss and thrust against him, taking more of him in again. But just then he hit something that made me see fire works.

“That felt so good Tìyawn,” He moans and I could only figure I’d unintentionally clenched around him.

“Do that again,” I gasp as he slides out partially but slides back in. I throw my head back and arch my back slightly feeling the tip rub against me deliciously.

It eventually doesn’t take long for him to grasp my arms and hold them above my head as he thrusted in me without mercy. Both of us had been lost in the pleasure and our moans were echoing in the cave, I’d almost forgotten the Ilu had been on the other side of the waterfall.

“Oh my Eywa,” He states as soon as his hips collide with mine.

“Y/n- ugh- wow!” He struggles to stay consistent and I’m in a world of pleasure. I lift my head up to look at his face but this man is straight up biting his lips and his eyes are closed. It doesn’t take me long to look down and see the bulge in my belly as he moves and I contract around him.

“Agh-“ He hisses.

“Let me touch you, please-“ I couldn’t find it in myself to speak in Na’Vi so I didn’t.

But just as he happened to understand me earlier, he understood me again and releases my hands from his grasp. It was only a hypothesis but I had to test it out, as his body leaned over me I grasped the tips of his ears and rolled them between my thumb and pointer finger.

“Wanna come so bad, please let me come,” His hips stutter in deliciously against mine and he’s become a whimpering mess. I smile weakly at my victory and rub his ears faster and he’s moaning loudly, I had no idea he could be this vocal.

“Please little one, I need to come,” He begs again and his hands are on my hips, I could feel it too.

“Feel s’good, warm, tight, fuck!” He growls out the last word in English.

“Come, please come!” I whined and he leans down to bite the skin between my neck and shoulder at the exact moment I contract around his girthy cock. Hot spurts of his come coaxing my womb generously, most of it coming back out.

_________

“Wait-“ She places her hands on my arms as I dipped her into the water carefully, holding her body close to mine as I washed my come off of her.

“I’ll be quick, just need to clean you up,” I stated as my hands gently went between her legs to clean her up, her hiss is what stopped me in my tracks but I continued even slower.

“Is the storm over?” She asks and my ears flicker at the question, it hadn’t occurred to me to check the weather but didn’t hear the splatter of rain drops on the cave.

“Yes, we should head home soon before they send a search party.” I admitted and she nods. I slowly lift her out of the water and place her on the little island, pulling myself out of the water and sitting next to her, I’d already put my tewng back on and stood her up to place hers on as well. I held on to her hip to steady her as her legs kept shaking and managed to wrap hers on her body and tied it off.

“How do you put this back on?” I asked as I grasped the shirt she wore and she yanks it from my hands, placing it on herself, moving her hair out if the way so I could tie the back of it.

“We should probably go now, how far away are we?” She asks.

“Not too far, about halfway.” I stated and called the Ilu over, it emerges from the waterfall blocking this area from the entrance of the cave and I sit on it, holding a hand for her to take.

“I’ll go above water but you’ll need to hold your breath when we get to the wall.”

“Okay,” She’d responded and we spent the entire way back in silence. I wouldn’t call it comfortable but it wasn’t terrible, I figured she needed to rest her mind somewhat before talking, and I granted her that silence until we got back to the retaining wall.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Not really,” She responded. I’d placed my hand on her belly to feel her take her breath and she seemed to understand as she slowly inhaled deeply. Once she stopped I gave the Ilu the instruction to dive. I’d already seen the familiar faces of my parents and her family waiting for us to arrive as soon as we’d come back up.

“I was worried when the storm let up and I hadn’t seen you, what took you so long!” My mother’s voice was the first to speak once we got closer.

“I wanted to make sure she was okay to dive again.” I answered and out on the best face I could to convince her. As we got closer I placed my hand on Y/n’s hips and lifted her off the Ilu and straight into Toruk Makto’s hands, who lifted her up with ease.

“We were worried for you, kid.” He speaks to her as he kneels to check if she is injured.

“Whats this-“ He asks and reaches for her neck, she immediately hides my marking from him and covers it with her hair.

“Nothing.” She stated nonchalantly and he gives her a look before his eyes find mine. I look away immediately, I didn’t want him reading into my soul.

“Is the tawtute hurt?” My mother asks and takes a step closer to her.

“M’fine. I didn’t get hurt, your son took care of me, sorry for worrying you.” She stated so plainly and starts to walk away, I furrow my brows and hop off the Ilu, disconnecting myself from him and stepping onto the walkway myself.

“Wait a minute, Kid,” Jake speaks up after her and she stops but doesn’t turn around.

“Thank you for waiting for me, but I’m tired, I need to rest now.” She speaks and walks once more, Jake following after her.

“What did you do?” My mother hisses at me as I watch Y/n walking away.

“What? Nothing. I went after her when she was swept away from a current and made sure she was feeling better before we came back here. We waited the storm out in a cave nearby.” I omitted some of the truth but that was something she didn’t need to know about.

She only glares at me but takes my word for it as she turns and starts walking back herself, but not without stopping at the many people who had gathered around. It seemed like she was working on gathering a search party for us.

_________

“What happened?” Neytiri asks me so calmly I had not really expected this from her. Jake and I had just arrived at the entrance of the marui where she stood. I had no idea what to say but also didn’t want to have this conversation.

“All that matters is that she’s fine and needs her rest. Right kid?” Jake cuts in and I’m thankful he does.

“Y/n!” Tuk shouts happily from behind Neytiri and runs up to hug me.

“Hi TukTuk,” I smile at her and hug her back.

“Holy shit, she lives!” Spider comes out after hearing Tuk yell, I’m sure, but comes up to hug me either way.

“Don’t cuss in front of the child Skxawng!” I smack the back of his head and he laughs.

“Holy shit! Y/n!” Lo’ak is the next out of the tent followed by Kiri who all join in on the hug. I’m appalled at him cussing too and attempt to smack his head but hit his neck instead.

“Dad, Y/n just tried assassinating me,” Lo’ak whines.

“Good, somebody has to,” Jake jokes and Lo’ak frowns.

“Mom?” He asks and she just laughs at our antics but it wasn’t always like that with her.

When Neteyam had told her about how he was courting me for the longest time behind her back she went ballistic. She’d come up to hells gate- unannounced- asking for me specifically. I knew it couldn’t have gone well and she’d called me every name under the sun.

She had wondered what kind of corruption I’d set upon her son and wanted me to stop seeing him immediately. She’d told me that nobody would want someone they couldn’t bond with, that I was the biggest mistake he’d ever made, and he’d come to realize it soon. I’d been a mess of tears afterward and wondered why I’d allowed myself to fall for him.

He visited me after I hadn’t shown up to dinner and I begged him to choose someone else. He assured me that not even his mother would stop him from loving me, and that was the first night we ever did anything sexual. But he was gentle and sweet, and his words of affirmation made me feel so fuckin happy. It was after that night that Neteyam had stood up to his mother and told her to never talk to me the way she had again. It took a while before she wasn’t glaring at my presence but she grew to love me.

“Your mom likes me more,” I joke as soon as the hug was broken. He only places his hand gently on my head, scrunching his nose at the joke, my face fell and my eyes filled with tears at the gesture. Neteyam did that often, and I hadn’t planned to, but I started bawling.

“Oh, Kid,” Jake stated sadly and pulls me in for another hug.

“Lets go sleep, Y/n/n.” Tuk tugs on my hand while keeping herself close to comfort me.

“Come on, we can sleep like how we used to, right mom?” Lo’ak asks, his hand on my shoulder and I feel myself nodding against Jake.

_________

I’d found it weird that Kiri, Lo’ak, and spider had shown up without Y/n. But I didn’t want to comment on it since according to them we don’t get along, much less ask everyone where the other person is so I silently prayed that someone would ask where she was.

“Where is Y/n?” Rotxo was the first to ask and I guess I should have asked Eywa to let Tsireya notice instead but it was too late for that. Rotxo had no business wondering where she was.

“She wasn’t feeling well and had to stay in the marui resting.” Spider stated his explanation and I was wondering why she wasn’t feeling well. She did act a little weird last night after we’d gotten home and none of the family showed up for dinner. Had I done something wrong?

I’d been too worried on Y/n to really focus on my tasks today. I wasn’t up to par with my teasing of the darker toned family and found myself wondering how I could fix whatever problem the tawtute had. I’d been too unfocused that my dad took notice and told me to visit my mother to check up on me.

“What is wrong?” She asks as soon as her face lands on mine and I gulp, was it that evident on my face?

“Nothing,” I answered too quickly.

“I could hear your father asking where your focus has gone. And can only imagine you are sick, which you do not appear to be, or there is someone consuming your thoughts. So, who is she?” She asked so calmly as she finishes mixing some kind of drink together, refilling one of her bottles, but looking back at me as she finishes.

“Sa’nu,” I try stopping her but knew I was blushing. It was very rare for us to be affectionate in public, but we were always digging into each others personal lives every day. We often teased Tsireya about Lo’ak and their courtship. Tsireya and I often made fun of our parents, sometimes being grossed out by their kisses, but it felt different now that I was older.

“You cannot hide anything from me ma’itan,” She smiles at me and motions for me to come closer.

“You need to make clear with this girl what it is you want. If you want to court her do so, we do not need you filling your mind with doubt or worry. If she rejects you she wasn’t meant to be yours and was a loss cause anyway. You are perfect in my eyes and you will be perfect in hers.”

“Thank you,” I said at her words. She was always willing to comfort me at any given time and she was a wonderful mother. She kisses my forehead and caresses my face, moving the strands of hair off to the side, smiling widely at me.

“Introduce us to her when you are ready, until then, I will not pry. But pretend to focus for your fathers sake, hmm?”

“Okay,” I answer with a chuckle.

“Am I to expect you for dinner, or?” She leaves the question open and I blush at her words looking away from her gaze. “I will not.” She nods her head and goes back to her liquids.

Dinner could not have come soon enough as everyone gathered around to eat together. I’d been patiently waiting for the Sully’s to show up, I’d sat with my family to keep up appearances but was too nervous to eat, I could see the small human sitting with her family looking rather upset, her eyes had been puffy like she’d been crying, and my heart sinks at the sight of her.

It doesn’t take long for someone to start the festivities with some music and dancing. Others gathered around as some told stories and I’d chosen the perfect opportunity to hide away. Waiting for the moment when Y/n separated herself from her family to go back to their marui.

As she stands up and waves at little Tuk, who’d finally left her side to go with Rotxo’s younger sisters, I take the opportunity to follow closely behind her as soon as she’s far enough from the crowd. I grasp her arm gently and she jumps as she turns.

“Have you been avoiding me?” I ask with a smirk.

“Yes.” She stated before turning around to walk away.

“Hey, whats wrong,” I follow beside her as she continues walking.

“Aren’t you supposed to be off somewhere bothering someone else?” She asks and crosses her arms while stomping closer toward the marui’s.

“Please stop.” I asked her and she does.

“I do not understand. Have I upset you?” I ask and make my way around to face her but she’s looking at the floor. I could feel my face softening at her. “Please let me fix my mistake-“

“No, you have not upset me.” She cuts me off and her words should make me happy but her refusal to look at me is not comforting.

“Then why are you avoiding me?” I asked in a serious tone. She nervously looks up at me and looks away again, sighing.

“Can we talk somewhere nobody will hear us?” She asks and I nod. Heading off toward the wooded area we had on the island. We often took fruits from here and found special things my mother uses for healing. I could hear the sounds of her feet following behind me and didn’t need to turn around to make sure she was there- she walks pretty loudly.

We manage to reach a clearing closer to the center of it all, the grass and flowers growing wildly, but not too tall, it was enough to tickle my feet but I’m sure being in the forest climate meant she’d been around grass her entire life. Just as I reach the clearing I turn and sit so she can face me, but pat the grass beside myself so she could sit by me. I felt like I needed her close, I missed her touch, her smell, her, I just really missed her. But Eywa must have been on my side because she sat where I’d instructed and it brought a small smile to my face.

“Why are you upset, little one?” I asked with genuine curiosity.

“I might say a lot of words in english, and I apologize because I don’t know the Na’Vi equivalent or it just doesn’t have a translation. But please let me talk and ask questions when I’m done.” She states and I nod giving her my undivided attention, ears flickering toward her.

“I feel guilty for what happened at the cave. Not because I got caught in a current but because of the sex, I’d never mated with Neteyam, but sex is the next best thing and I didn’t even experience that fully with him. I want to say I was under the influence of the pollen, but a part of me really wanted to please you-“ She stops as she looks directly at me and looks away rather quickly.

“I feel like I’m taking things too fast and betraying Neteyam. Lo’ak did something yesterday, something ‘Teyam always did, he put his hand on my head and wrinkled his nose, and I absolutely lost it and started crying. I’ve never felt so guilty for what I did with you, but I also enjoyed it, I feel torn, and dirty.” She hugs her knee’s close to her chest.

“I also figured once we got back here, you’d just go back to being mean and ignoring me, I didn’t know what else to do except avoid you today.”

“I’m done now,” She stated sadly and I’m bringing her onto my lap immediately, hugging her.

“I want to correct you. It is not what you did, it is what we did, I was a part of it too and I need you to know I enjoyed every second of the time we shared. I also want to stupidly point out that I did tell you I’d do anything you wanted if you made me come, and I came.” I admitted and could feel her pull away with a blush covering her face. I use my fingers to hold her chin to look directly at me, suddenly feeling bold.

“I selfishly want it to happen again, and again, and again. I can understand your guilt but moving on is a part of the healing. Trust me when I say we all miss him, you will miss him forever, I do not blame you.” I stated and lean down to capture her lips with mine, I could feel my fangs poking her a bit.

“Can I make you feel good again, little one?” I ask as I connect our foreheads together, her cute tawtute nose poking mine.

“I feel guilty for wanting to say yes,” She stated, her eyes closed tightly.

“Stop feeling guilty and allow yourself to be happy, Yawne.” I mumble.

“Yes, yes I want you to make me feel good,” She whispers with her eyes still closed and I smile. Leaning down to kiss her again, carefully caressing her hips with one hand and her cheek with the other, sure it was an awkward angle but I didn’t mind.

In the midst of our make out I swipe my tongue on her bottom lip and she accepts by opening her mouth. Her tongue was soft against mine and allowed me dominance. She moans into the kiss grinding herself on me and I bite back a groan.

I remembered the way her shirt comes off and reach around to untie it as I kiss her jawline, managing to slide the loops away from each other as the shirt loosens around her, I kiss down her neck and let go of the string, bringing my hands back over toward her arms where the shirt was, tugging it off of her without breaking my concentration. I take both breast into my hand and play with her nipples as I kiss her collarbones.

“Your hands feel so good,” She allows herself to moan and the sound goes straight to my cock.

“It makes me happy that I can please you with only my hands,” I speak in a much lower tone as I hungrily take in her body.

“I want you to lay down, little one, you can do that for me, can’t you?” I asked and she nods and does just that. My hand slides down to untie her tewng, throwing it off to the side to join her shirt, letting my other hand trail down her thigh, grasping it gently behind the knee, squeezing myself between her.

“I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, I’ll enjoy this way more than you will,” I kiss down her stomach, making my way down her thigh.

“Ao’nung~” She moans and I hum at her, looking up at her breathing heavily, a primal surge going through me.

I gently kiss her inner thigh from where her knee is, but end up kissing and sucking my way up her thigh, leaving marks on her as she writhes beneath me.

“Please,” She begs and I’m in awe of how raw her voice sounded.

“Please what?” I ask as I huff my breath into her cunt, knowing it drover her crazy.

“Fingers, please,” She whines and I hum.

“I was going to use my mouth,” I started and she cries out.

“Use both!”

“So demanding, Tìyawn, but we can work on your manners later.” I delve one finger inside her and feel how warm she is just as she moans for having it placed inside her.

“I love your sounds, Tìyawn,” I stated sweetly and she moans, I could watch her like this for the rest of my life and be satisfied.

“I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t taste you now, little one, forgive me if I lose my composure, yeah?” She lets out a guttural sound similar to a growl and it turns me on more. I dip my head to finally taste her, letting my tongue run all over her engorged bud and finally swallowing the first of her sweet slick.

“Don’t stop please, don’t stop-“ She mutters as her hands hold onto my hair, I let a chuckle bubble out as I continue eating her sweetness. I didn’t plan on stopping any time soon and I think she knew. I decided now would be a perfect time to stick a second finger in and she wails loudly. Had it not been for how loud everyone else was being I might have told her to hold back, but her sounds were just as addictive as her taste, and the sight before me.

“S’good, s’good, fuck, fuck-“ Her hips were snapping at their own pace as I continued.

“Holy fuckin’ shit-“ She seizes uncontrollably and my face gets covered in wet liquid, I stop and stick my face back up to see her with a confused expression on my face.

“I’m so sorry-“ She backs off of my fingers and has a hand over her face. I slide my fingers into my mouth and close my eyes as I savor the taste.

“I don’t know what that was but I want to see you do that again,” I leaned back down before she stops me.

“I want to return the favor-“ She starts.

“I said I wanted to make you feel good, not the other way around, Little one.” I kiss her as she sits up on her elbows.

“Then make me feel good, please,” She starts sitting up but I place my hand on her chest, feeling her heart almost bursting out of her chest.

“Please,” She asks again.

“You don’t ever have to beg for that Tìyawn, never.” I backed off as I untied my tewng and see her face relax.

“Look at me, pretty girl, I want to see your face.” I state as I get back down between her legs, lining myself up, pushing slightly.

She moans at the contact while biting her lip and her eyebrows bowed. I lean down to kiss her as I push in slightly and she groans.

“Does it hurt?” I asked as I stand still while inside her and she nods a little.

“Let me help you-“

“No,” She stops my hand. “It feels so good at the same time, please move,”

“Little one,” I warn but she manages to slide herself onto me, moaning as she does so while knitting her brow together, tears forming in her eyes.

“Hey,” I start to worry before she cuts me off again.

“Oh fuck s’good-“ Her eyes shut as tears stream down her face, her little hips thrusting and her sweet gummy walls clenching me tighter. “Please pleas please move, Ao, please-“

“Whatever you wish, yawntutsyìp,” I start moving my hips slow to ease her pretty cunt.

“Lay down, please, lay down!” She rushes her words and I barely understand but I stop all movement to look at her.

“What?”

“Lay down.” She states firmly and I try pulling out but she stops me. “No, lay down inside me,”

“What are you planning?” I asked her.

“Ao’nung Makto, now move.” I couldn’t help but laugh but get myself into position, she unexpectedly slides down all the way once she’s on top and she places her hands on my belly to stabilize herself while moaning.

“Oh fuck-“ She moans.

“Yes-“ I hiss and hold on to her hips, the bulge in her belly is prominent and I bite back a moan.

She surprises me by planting her feet on my hips and sliding up from my cock, and slamming herself back down and moaning incredibly loud.

“If you keep that up I won’t last long,” I admit to her feeling her warmth engulf me so well. Moaning as she slams herself back down on me, I grip her hips harsher and she moans as well.

“I’m close, Ao’nung, fuck,” She whines and slams herself back down again. The tears sliding down her face again. I allow myself to meet her thrusts and her tears stream freely and I feel something soft against my head.

“Fuck!” She yells and she comes the same way she’d done earlier. But watching, hearing, and smelling her had made me come inside her as I grasped her hips harshly. She falls straight onto my chest while I was still inside and I slide her upward so I can slip out of her.

“What was that?” I ask her calmly after I’d caught my breath.

“It’s called squirting, it happens when someone is being pleasured very well.” She speaks into my chest out of embarrassment.

“Ao’nung makto?” I ask and laugh after the words leave my lips.

“I can’t think well in Na’Vi when I’m distracted.” She admits and I gently pet her hair.

“Do we have to keep hiding this from the others?” She asks and I knew what she meant. “I did it with Neteyam for a while, I can hide things well-“

“No, little one, theres no need to hide it.”

“So we can tell your mom?”

“Okay, maybe hide it from some people,” I agreed and she laughs a little.

__________

“I told you I could walk on my own,” I laughed as he holds me like a child, I assume my height plays along with that, I held our clothes on my hands and they covered me from the cold winds of the night.

“But I like carrying you, my prize, my little tawtute,” He smiles happily as we walk closer toward the shores of the sea, I toss our clothes near the dry sand as he steps into the sea.

“Is the water cold?” I asked as he steps in further.

“A little, but if it gets to be too much I could always hug you again,” He offers and the water touches my toes, causing me to yelp, pulling my feet back up and he chuckles.

“No wait, maybe I want to smell like you-“ I started before he steps over once more and my body is submerged in the cool water. I pop up from the water and start shivering.

“Sorry-“ He laughs as he watches me struggle to wrap my arms around myself in an attempt to warm up. “-theres a slope right here, I didn’t do that on purpose Tiyawn.”

“Come here,” I said and spread my arms out for him to fit around. As he swims over I push his head down under water and laugh as he comes back up.

He tugs me closer to him and kisses my face all over. Holding me by my waist.

“We should get back to our marui’s soon-“ I admit but he places his hand on my lips gently to shush me.

“My mom knows theres someone I’m trying to impress so she’s not expecting me back any time soon.”

“Are you seriously that horny?” I asked and he seems to bite his lip as his eyes widened and this is the first time I’d seen him look anything like Tsireya.

“Ao’nung-“ I state and he smiles.

“What was that word you used earlier?” He asks and seems to find it before I could think. “Have you ever had sex in the water before?” He asks.

“You’re ready to go? Already?” I asked in disbelief as he trails one hand down my spine, the other holding my bum.

“I’m sure you know this but we like to fuck several times a night with our mate.” He whispers in my ear and I could feel a sudden tingle in my pussy, I let out a short and quick sigh.

“As long as you take it slow, I’m a little sore from before-“

“We don’t have to, Tìyawn.”

“Believe me, I want to, you just have to go slow.” I kiss him feverishly.

#avatar smut #avatar #avatar the way of water smut #afab reader #human reader #aonung x reader smut #aonung #aonung x reader

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