#please don't devalue friendship

[eternalwanderer-stories]

Maybe I belong to that very small group in the fandom.…

Honestly, I feel a little lonely with my thoughts when almost the entire fandom is obsessed with timebomb and jayvik, and I don't feel the same love for these ships.

This is in no way a hate post – it's great that the people who love these ships have so much content and so many like-minded people who can share the same point of view with each other. It's really cool.

So, jayvik.

I love Viktor so much, but I have quite contradictory feelings about Jayce and my attitude towards him jumps from "hey, you're actually a great and very interesting character" to "gosh, what a dumbass, why do you even have fans?". But perhaps what pisses me off the most is that when I want to talk about Viktor, about his own aspirations, about his character, about his ideals, for some reason the conversation always boils down to the topic of jayvik specifically in relation to them as a couple. It seems as if for some people Viktor exists solely as a part of jayvik, and not as an independent and separate character, or, even worse, just an addition to the Mel/Jayce/Viktor love triangle in order to be more gay-drama, apparently. Viktor seems to be lost as a separate character in all this. By the way, this also applies to Jayce, I see so little of him in the fandom as a separate personality, and not as part of any ships. In any case, my attitude towards jayvik in this case is more due to the attitude of some fans towards this ship than to the relationship of the characters within the ship itself. Maybe I'll change my mind about these two when I finally figure out how I feel about Jayce.

I have exactly 3 problems with timebomb:

I don't feel any romantic chemistry between Jinx and Ekko. We didn't have much interaction between them, but when it was – for me it was more like two childhood friends who were separated on different sides by terrible events of the past. On the whole, I see these two solely as a beautiful and tragic concept of "broken friendship, but there is still hope for reconciliation and the opportunity to understand each other."

I am so tired of the fact that in almost every show/series/movies if we have a male and a female character on the screen, there must be love between them. Seriously, the media pushing the idea every time that friendship between a boy and a girl, if possible, is only possible in childhood, but when you're adults, you either don't know each other, or you definitely have hot sex and three children at the end of the story. HELLO, what about friendship?? Why is friendship not valued at all compared to love??? Especially between a male and a female character? Why is it that the desire to take care of each other, the warm feelings between you, support and understanding must always be accompanied by a loving relationship, whereas this is the basis of a strong friendship too? But no, every time we have a girl and a guy in the show, who must definitely become a canonical couple (just remember at least 2-3 shows where everything didn't end on a romantic note, but they just remained very good friends in the end, without a wedding and children)… I'm really tired of how much the media devalues the friendship between a guy and a girl, elevating an exclusively love.

My personal conviction is that Vi, Ekko and Jinx should move their own way, independently of each other. Especially Ekko, who copes with leaving the tragic past in the past and boldly moving forward towards his future much better than the sisters do. But this is a separate conversation, which I want to return to later with a separate post.

[roxannepolice]

Thinking of the formally married vibe with thoschei and Magician's Apprentice, bc... OK I get it, Moffat wanted to tiptoe around romantic thoschei having Missy specifically insist she and the Doctor are above such things thanks this asexual is not happy with the choice of words and to "consider friendship", but. Are we really supposed to accept that a strict weberian ideal 19th century German post office bureaucracy that is Gallifreyan culture would rely on something as quintessentially informal as friendship? Like, I'm absolutely not devaluating this wonderful kind of bond, but the informality is one of its defining elements! You don't sign anything, you aren't registered as anyone's best friend in any book! Or is TL telepathy just that good that it scans a soon-to-die Time Lord's psyche and makes an interpersonal sentiment graph to determine who to send the confession dial too????

Also please consider Donna finding this weird metal disk and after a moment of tense music uses it as a fruit plate for 15 years.

Now, marriage on the other hand. It's strictly equated with romance now (which is great the fact that mutual feelings are the main reason to choose a life partner is wonderful), but it is essentially a legal contract! It stands in all of your documents, every administration official has access to knowledge of it and there are witnesses to testify it took place. It gives people specific rights and obligations towards each other many of which have nothing to do with romance, sex, or children. You may maintain only cordial long-distance relationship with your spouse but so long as you aren't legally divorced this is still the person you entrust with your body and estate in the case of sudden death without will.

What I'm rambling is, for all the wording in TMA, confession dial being sent to Missy makes infinitely more sense if the Doctor and the Master are married.

And I'm still chewing on my pet torture device of Ten spending YTNW looking at the man tormenting him and and a whole planet but really only thinking of hoe he has a legally binding claim on him that he badly wants to restake.

[borderlinereminders]

I'd like to see more on what the symptoms of bpd actually are. Like, I know the rough idea and can infer a few from your coping strategies but I feel that more explicitly saying 'these are the official/listed symptoms and this is my experience with them' would help.

Burnout is hard, so I hope you take every day as it comes and use your personal self-care discord server, which is a really good idea by the way!!! I hope it gets better for you soon and have a nice? positive? better? good? relaxing? improving? peaceful? serene? awesome??? day.

Hi anon,

I don't actually relate to a lot of the symptoms any more, but I can share how I used to relate to them before making as much progress in recovery as I have.

Big disclaimer that a lot of the stuff I did in the past wasn't okay, and I am in no way saying that all people with BPD do things like I did or have done. Please don't use my bad choices in the past as any sort of "proof" to be ableist to those with BPD or other personality disorders. As was said in the anon's ask, these are my experience.

This is a long response, so putting it below the read more.

These are the "official" symptoms for BPD - but I also think a lot of information about BPD out there is outdated and inaccurate. I copy and pasted the wording of the bolded part from a web page about BPD.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment This one I used to experience a lot more, but I do still occasionally feel these thoughts creeping in (the worry that people will abandon me) but I no longer engage in reacting to those thoughts/feelings. For me, I'd be happy when I was with someone but I think due to a lack of emotional permanence, I used to be afraid people were going to leave me when they weren't near me. The second I wasn't around them, all the reassurance went away and I'd find myself panicking and doing things (not healthy things) to try and make sure they didn't leave. Ironically, these things usually ended up pushing this to become a self-fulfilling prophecy and I lost those people anyways as a result of sometimes toxic, and usually unhealthy behaviours.

Unstable relationships This isn't really the case for me anymore due to finding better coping mechanisms, but a lot of my relationships were unstable largely due to my efforts to avoid abandonment, but also due to me not being able to handle my emotions in a healthy way. People usually ended up having to put a lot of effort/energy into a friendship with me. I'm not saying it's wrong for friends to need to help you or things like that, but at this point in my life, I needed help all the time. And a lot of the things I needed help with weren't necessarily reasonable. I think I experienced a lot of "learned helplessness."

These relationships were often unstable for me as a result of my "splitting" as well. This was the switch between idealization to devaluation. Someone could be good, and perfect until they did something that I saw as "bad", or "wrong" or something like that and then they were "bad" and "terrible." While I still find that I experience splitting now, my coping mechanisms allow me to move through it more quickly and not let it impact how I act (because I always know deep down that it is temporary and reacting on it usually hurts both me and my loved one.)

Unclear or shifting self-image For me, I used to switch my hobbies and interests depending on the people I was most involved with at the time. I'd frequently go back and forth between thinking I'm a terrible person to feeling good about myself.

Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors My impulsive behaviours were usually to engage in self-harm, but also to say/do things on a spur of the moment due to emotions. For example, it might have been the way I lashed out and accused a friend of hating me and not caring (driving them away) because they hung out with another friend rather than stepping back to realize that it wasn't a justifiable response. What I needed was some time to look at the facts clearly before reacting.

Impulsive behaviours can also include things like substances, spending, sex, etc.

Self-harm I'm not going to get into specifics of this because I don't think it's necessary but I do want to say that sometimes self-harm behaviours aren't as obvious as you might think. For some people, doing a certain thing can be good for them but someone can also use that same behaviour in a self-harm way. Something doesn't have to be inherently harmful (like physically harming one's self) to be a self-harming behaviour. What really matters is your intent when engaging in the behaviour and how it makes you feel. (For example, someone may thrive off alone time, but someone else may isolate themselves as a way to harm themselves.)

Extreme emotional swings I experienced a lot of these due to a lack of emotional permanence. When I was happy, I was so happy and nothing could bring me down. But when I was sad, it was so crushingly sad and it was the only emotion that was real. It was the one true emotion and it was hard to understand that it wasn't forever because I couldn't recall any other emotions, even in memories.

Chronic feelings of emptiness I still experience this, though not as much. Usually in the winter months, or the time leading up to my time of month. Sometimes it's almost like feeling numb for me. it can feel like everything is "dark" in me or that there is a hole in me. Sometimes I'd do extreme things to try and "feel" and fill the hole, but nothing worked.

Explosive anger I've worked on this a lot, but I used to snap and lash out at people. I still feel the extreme anger, but what I've worked on is helping manage why it happens. For example. I used to get super angry when my friends didn't do the things I needed/wanted or didn't notice I was sad. This improved once I realized that it was unfair of me to expect them to be a mind reader, and even if someone wasn't able to help didn't mean they didn't care. I've worked a lot on myself. But often the explosive anger would lead me to self harm or engage in other impulsive behaviours.

Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality For me, this was feeling "outside" of my own body. Like I was watching my life happen to someone else, almost like a movie or a dream. (I struggle with this still now, mostly when I feel empty.)

[brionysea]

season 4 episode 1 mike talking to lucas and saying you're weird i'm weird our whole friend group is weird it's fine you don't need to change don't do what i did it sucks please just be you and not backing down on fighting for lucas until he got manipulated into it

season 4 episode 2 mike talking to will and devaluing their friendship with the implication that they're just friends and el is his girlfriend so will is less important to mike than el is

these are different people. mike "a friend is someone you'd do anything for" wheeler would never devalue any of his friendships like this and that fundamental truth is made clearer a few episodes later when mike says how great max and lucas and dustin are before saying that will is different. that's how an in love mike verbalises the difference in his feelings for his friends. not what he was saying at the skating rink and not what he was saying in the pizza freezer

[warm-starlight]

Rah you guys are low-key getting gaslit by Mappa about your ship

I'm a eremika-stan mainly and more of a "casual" Veterans character enjoyer but when I watched Hange's whole salute scene I was surprisingly underwhelmed

The scenes just before were good and the whole fight afterwards was bare amazing I just couldn't get how Levi looked only slightly sad about his last comrade going?

Then I was even more shocked when I saw barely nobody talking about this until I stumbled across the HangexLevi ship tags where people actually brought up the problems like Levi looking angry instead of sad and Hange walking away way faster than it felt necessary.

As a non shipper I wasn't even looking for anything romantic going on between them but bruh atleast the same level of sadness between the two as in the manga???

I mean it's the last two OG vets goodbye scene they could atleast given more screen time to such a big moment.

Shipper or no shipper and at minimum as even a casual Hange fan that didn't feel like their whole death scene was done justice to me.

And it may be wrong to complain to you guys who got your ship scene a little butchered compared to the manga but even that Eremika confession scene I feel like Mappa didn't really put the right pauses, like the screen just kept jumping around it wasn't the same romantic vibe as in the manga for me 😂 Not to mention the other scenes where they just couldn't get their faces right like when Mikasa had her "come home scene" and eren watching the mini him and Mikasa scene looking angry instead of sad like he did in the manga? And even other non ship scenes like when Eren first entered paths and his smile fading when he was above the "clouds" as a kid.

I don't want to complain too hard cause Mappa put bare effort into this scene and they really did an AMAZING job on the whole but really feel like the fumbled up some with some more emotional scenes.

Anyway yeah please accept my humble rant as an random Eremika shipper that stumbled across your tags and don't get gaslit by Mappa about your ship cause they couldn't even get their scene right from a friendship point of view let alone a romantic one 😂😂

Thanks. I guess i am just tired of Levihan being constantly devaluated and watered down so the other shippers would still be satisfied.

I understand part of it is marketing. They can not show the scenes accurately or else people who ship Levi with someone else will stop throwing money at the studio but still...

It's annoying.

[uncle-fruity]

As another trans guy in his 30s, I want to stress to y'all that this is your decision to make, your life to live. No one else will have to live with your choices as much as you. No one will have to suffer the consequences or experience the absolute joy of your choices as much as you. There are difficulties, to be sure. And there are beautiful, precious, invaluable moments of self-actualization. You get to decide for yourself what kind of gender expression you want to have and to what extent you want to transition. And, seriously? If anyone tries to tell you that you're too stupid, too young, too naïve, too old, too feminine, too mentally ill, too loud, too selfish, or generally "too much" of anything to make your own gender choices, they are in the wrong. You decide what's right for you. You decide what's good for you. If the people around you don't like it, they can die mad. If they refuse to learn & grow & treat you with basic respect, it's okay to drop those people or put them at an arm's length in favor of spending time with different people who support & respect you.

It is hard being a teenager. It's hard being in your 20s. Things didn't start stabilizing for me until my late 20s into my early 30s (I'm still at it, but much better off than I was even 5 years ago). The only wrong time to transition is if you are personally not ready to do it -- and that is totally okay. I took a couple of years thinking about whether I wanted HRT or not. I took time to consider all the effects & whether I would be likely to regret any of the permanent changes made on T. And while I had some concerns, I went through with it and it changed my life for the better, all things considered. I regret nothing, but I'm glad I took time to think it through. Take as much or as little time as you need; transitioning is never off the table, if that's what you want to do.

I also wanted to put down just one last important point. If you're online a lot and the majority of your exposure to queer spaces are online queer spaces, you might feel like there is no community out there for queer men. There are a lot of trans men who experience isolation and ostracization from the queer community because of how masculinity is stigmatized and devalued. It's hard - like, emotionally hard - seeing everyone and their sister say shit like, "all men are trash." You are not trash. You are not a gender traitor. But I want you to know that there are people who care about you out there! Not just other trans guys or masculine queer folks, but all types of people in the community. You do not have to shut up and sit down to make yourself more palatable to people. The queer community includes you. The gatekeepers hate it, and they'll do their best to make you feel like you're alone, or like you're a problem, but you are not! Just like any situation where you have to make friends, it can take some effort to find your people. But I assure you that your people are out there. Queer groups that don't turn on you the moment you start HRT. Trans women who are kind and supportive and who can relate to you (and you to them). Cis people, both queer and not queer, who will validate you and celebrate your gender journey. Other trans guys who want to help you any way they can. Compassion and friendship and solidarity absolutely exists for us. Please try not to go down doom spirals, feeling like everyone will abandon you once you transition. Usually, there are people who will let you down, people who will lift you up, and people who need a little time to come around. Do not let anyone convince you that being trans is a curse, or that being a trans man is a social curse. Yes, there are problems of exclusion, erasure, and ridicule in many places (especially - and I cannot stress this enough - especially online), but that is not reflective of the entire queer community, and you have more friends/friends-in-waiting than you think. I guess what I mean is: stay strong, speak your truth, live your truth, and find the people who love you for it.

if you are a trans boy, especially a teenage trans boy, i wanted to say that as a trans man in their 30's, you have my deepest respects and condolences for what you may be going through right now.

it has become socially acceptable and basically online custom to bully teenage trans boys & mascs, call them cringy, or excuse misgendering them for whatever reason. people put trans boys on this pedestal of "must perform masculinity and manhood to cartoonish degrees" even though they're still children.

people make trans boys fight for their manhood before they can even be boys. i am sorry people can be so judgmental and harsh on you. you are not wrong for wanting to be a boy. you are experiencing something wonderful. it's okay if you still want to be a boy even if people have treated you poorly, or tried to make you feel bad for being a boy. there is nothing wrong with being a boy.

it's okay if you never socially transition. it's okay if you're afraid to come out because it's not safe. it's okay if you never change your outward appearance. it's okay if you try very hard to pass but struggle to. it's okay if you wear "women's" clothing and shoes, bras, makeup, etc., it's okay if you're gay and love other men. it's okay if you're scared of hrt. it's okay if you don't want surgery. it's okay if you mainly occupy girl's spaces still. people will find every reason to pick these things apart and ridicule trans boys for, but they are all perfectly fine experiences that do not make you any less of a boy. you are the one who is in control of your transition, presentation, and state of being- you should be able to prioritize your safety over the comfort of random strangers who have no impact over how you live your life.

i've been put through this too, but later in life as i came out when i was an adult. people still try to make me feel bad for identifying as a trans man, for whatever reason they have in their head to justify hatred of a trans person. i've had enough. there will never be an excuse for how people try to excuse the infantilization and abuse that trans men and trans boys face.

take care of yourselves, no matter what age you are, if you are a trans boy, man, or masc you deserve to know that other trans men care about you, especially when people are scrambling to find ways to punch down on you. there are people who suck, but there are also a lot of people who care about you. keep your chin up. you know who you are

[sreidisms]

I wanted to say that I feel so bad for not really understanding this site idk I gave an idea to a writer I really admire but she didn't respond and I know it doesn't break their rules I just felt really bad and embarrassed for being ignored . It's just an outburst that was hurting me for a long time and I don't have anyone to talk to here.

Hey there! So I wasn't sure if I should respond to this ask because honestly! I do not know who you're referring to and I don't think I have the right to know, because I don't want to point fingers at people. But I do want to offer some empathy.

I'm really sorry you felt ignored. Even though writers do not owe their followers a story, it does suck when you suggest something and it's not given attention - I get it.

I also really empathise with not having anyone to talk to, I've experienced that. I'd love to offer my dms as an area to chat, but honestly I don't really use them. I love my mutuals and followers and if they have anything to ask or show, they can and should do so! But I do not have the time and mental power to develop and work on a proper online friendship at the moment :(

This is not me devaluing you or ignoring you, I am simply giving an explanation. I have a job and I have a family member to take care of, so responding to messages isn't my priority at the moment. I write stories when I have the free time and when I have the mental focus to do so.

I'm not going to stand here and say I'm willing to create an online friendship at the moment, because I'm not. I will gladly get to know people and chat with them, but that's all. With all that's going on in my life, I cannot handle more stimuli. I was already uncertain whether to start this account or not because whenever I start fan accounts, it consumes me and stresses me out, to the point where I abandon it and everyone I've made friends with.

And that isn't fair on me or anyone else. So, do feel free to send in requests (in alignment with the rules) and I will try my best to write them, but please be understanding of the fact I have a life outside of the internet. If your request takes a while, I probably have others who requested before you or I'm in a slump and writing is coming slow to me.

I really hope you can understand! xx

[ghostlytalkin]

Really upset that I have to log into this account after leaving it and saying I was going to take a step back from rpt world due to how toxic I got myself swept into things. But I'm having people message me on my discord about things being said.

First and foremost, I have distanced myself from those I considered core friends, being that I know I caused hurt and they deserve the distance from me, so I made that possible. I have backed away from my friendships, and we're not talking right now. I dont know if I'll be ready to talk to them for a long time because I have felt ashamed for things. I devalued our friendships and I backed away to give us all space.

Blaming them for MY actions is wrong because I am the only one to blame. They all tried talking to me about their concerns and I ignored them and I know I did. I got too obsessed in people wanting to bring me stuff and it was unhealthy. And worse i let myself become a person i shouldn't have been. I can acknowledge that people have issues with me and I fucked up royally. I am a constant work in progress. It's a topic with my therapist, psychiatrist, and group therapy that I do and am working on.

I joined one group with the idea of my therapist to see if I feel comfortable reaching out and trying to feel normal. Rping has been a big part of my life since middle school and it felt not writing woth others. I don't feel comfortable but i was trying to make an effort and I and currently struggling. I didn't know people I distanced myself from joined and I have kept my space from them. I used an fc I didn't do research about and I apologize for that. I usually try to do better but I just didn't put in the effort to actually do research. But I do apologize, that wasn't right of me and I changed the fc as soon as another friend that won't let me cut them off brought it up to me when we were getting lunch together. It still was not okay for me and I should have done better research.

For people saying I'm joining groups you're wrong. I've joined a group. Yes I've been active in the rphhelp server as of late, but I've even gone silent there recently because hearing that whatever I do is sent to Syd feels rough and it has set my ptsd and paranoia regarding my last stalker off. Again, something I'm working on with my therapist and something we talk about in group therapy.

I acknowledge that I've fucked up in the past, I have mainly been keeping to myself trying to work on things. I thought my therapist's suggestion of joining a single group was good. Some people have reached out and talked to me about issues they've had with me and I've taken what they said to heart. I literally do not know everything that I'm being accused of and it's hard to ask when people don't reach out to you to say what they found you doing to be fucked up or caused hurt. But I'm trying with some of the info I was given. I'll still be working on things because I need that step by step plan.

I understand I fucked up, but please, if you have an issue with me let it just be with me. I don't want anybody else dragged down or had themselves tossed through the mud because people have issues with me as a person. Send me threats, tell me how awful I am, fuck anon is on this blog, send it here. Message me on discord. I've been away from discord the last few days but I will log in just if people want to talk and tell me what issues they have. It doesn't even have to be their main account he could be a disposable one. But please, keep your issues with me just with me. That's literally all I ask, I don't want the people I use to be close to thrown around because I'm the one you want to watch burn.

I haven't been looking at the tumblr, haven't messaged anybody, haven't done much except get some information of graphics and read updates about Palestinian. I honestly feel gross logging into this account just to post this that will be torn apart and picked at.

My discord is emptylittlemind. I changed it from cupcakemon for the literal reason of my stalker trying to get ahold me me via discord again. But you can message me on there, you can message this blog, whatever. I literally am just asking that if you have issues with me to not drag whoever you think I'm friends with through the mud thinking it will help drag me further. I'm barely talking to people, maybe two I know that rp, and that's it. I have been trying to keep space.

I know I have caused issues, and I cannot express how sorry I am. I know I have fucked up over and over and never acknowledged things. But I only know so much. I am still trying to figure things out. I know I have done a lot of damage but please, just take it out on me. I don't want others dragged further just for having at one point known me. The issues are with me and what I have done.

Again, you can add me on discord and message me there if you want. I just felt compelled to say something because I don't want ex friends dragged just for knowing me.

[hiriajuu-suffering]

Longing

I've always had to learn ways to be content on my own, and nothing will ever change the fact I know how to be alone better than most people know how to be with someone. Yet, sometimes, it doesn't change I find myself wanting someone to wish I shared more of my life with me. I value being present, in-the-moment when investing time into someone so when I'm not given that back, I always default to being better off alone. Even so, I long for a presence that values presence in some connections as much as I do.

A sense of independence means I can go years without talking to my best friends or the people I trust the most in life. It's not to say I don't value them, quite the opposite, but because our moral conveniences don't line up, there's nothing to be done to deepen the friendship any more without something to spur it on. That's how being a social animal works, we're spurred on by shared activity and interest rather than unconditionally bonding to kindred spirits. I have so much respect for so many people in passing that I don't really have a place to develop an evergreen bond with.

I had a best friend throughout primary school: he's funny, brilliant, kind, genuine, and he seems to be happier in life without me in it. I value him so much but we're past the point in time we're best friends anymore, we're childhood friends that went our separate ways. I miss the closeness I had with him, the sense of togetherness and comradery we shared as we were growing into semi-functional human beings. Now guy's just a memory, and after twenty years of when we first began drifting apart, I wouldn't even know if we could ever get that level of trust we had as kids.

Pouring myself into people instead of my own accomplishments I do way too much for my own good and sanity. At times, my need to protect those I care about borders on unrealistic obsession when my mind can't grasp other people don't see the path for potential growth and use that as a reason for altruism in a connection. Too often I find myself too proud to ask for the same help I would willingly and unflinchingly give someone else. People around me attempt to recognize that as people-pleasing and not having a healthy set of boundaries when it's actually the opposite, I know what I can give and I do so in attempts to try to make things a little bit brighter for those I'm fortunate enough to be in the lives in of.

Someone truly caring what I have to say and my experiences, independent of my developed talent, we used to say the phrase ride-or-die but that's so much less common the more glued we are to a screen, that's the part of my self-development I always felt lacking compared to other people. Loneliness isn't what makes me uncomfortable, it's being too faceless to the greater world that does, but I also intellectually understand just how vapid the perception of physical appearance really is. Why would a person who hardly values what a face brings not want to be faceless? You're made to feel devalued and objectified by what's on your face, and I want those I learn to care about to want to subject themselves to my image. As the Christians say, we were all made in the same image anyways, how different can I really be?

Doesn't stop the yearning for something genuinely real, though.

[starrtoon]

If a friend keeps lying and hurting you and never listens, it's best to cut them off. Especially when they disregard your feelings and concerns when they willingly keep doing wrong.

[dykesymmetry]

i don't even know why ppl are so determined to make the full sbi family thing canon in dsmp because to me the canon is infinitely funnier? like. phil and techno are old war buddies with a long storied history, a bond and pact deeper than any other relationship either of them have. from what i can tell dsmp!techno was barely aware that wilbur was phil's son.

wilbur and tommy had a very interesting connection, with an almost brother-like relationship spanning years in universe. phil's only concept of tommy is "that loud kid that wilbur mentioned sometimes."

LIKE THAT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN FORCING A DYNAMIC ALL THE INVOLVED CCs HAVE DENIED, ISN'T IT??? please less lies about phil's non-existent children and more tommy referring to wilbur as his brother and phil wonders when the FUCK that happened, last he checked he only had one kid?? who is this small angry child???? hello????

YEAH like. i feel like the fd au, especially ones where they're all related by blood, ends up devaluing their relationships a lot. like, if techno and phil were related, there would be this kinda. expectation? ig? that they care about each other out of obligation rather than caring for each other bc they actively worked to make that friendship happened. same w techno n tommy and wilbur n tommy, their relationships are so much better when they choose to care

[seacollectsrivers]

director's cut for My Hands Covering Both of My Eyes?? <3

oh boy!

well, first off, i can't read the title without singing it, and that's entirely my fault. It was stuck in my head when i needed to title the fic and i figured hey it's kind of appropriate!

The whole conceit of the story was the whole concept of constantly coming out to people. And then how that could easily be applied to yourself; if you put yourself in a box, you've figured yourself out so you decide well that's it then! I'm a Trans Man :) but then oh but I like men too.... Ok fine I'll do it again, I'm a Bisexual Trans Man :) but then oh for fuck's sake the Gender Feelings again.... And Crozier felt perfect for that, like he has a very rigid idea of himself, and I can well imagine he would just feel too old for another change/discovery.

the miniskirt! i had written - but deleted, it felt clunky and forced - a thing about how Francis' parents, especially his da, disliked the skirt because it was so short. and that was partly why he had no bad memories attached to it - it was the first time he felt like he'd chosen how to be viewed, via his fashion choices.

uuuuh..... in usual Bo fashion this got atrociously long......

Francis looked down, fiddled with the badge on his lanyard, wished he had something to anchor his hands with. He settled on putting one behind his back, balled up in a fist. He felt unreasonably more awkward in that position, but kept it there in fear of looking restless. James thinks he looks like an officer and incredibly handsome in this moment :) I deliberately tried to invoke how Crozier stands in the show sometimes.

The café they meet at is based on/inspired by two of my favourites in Cork! Alchemy on Barrack Street, and Natural Foods Bakery on Paul Street.

I delighted in writing the differences in the Blanky-Francis friendship and the Ross-Francis one. It's something I think about a lot and adore: how you can have such a different dynamic with different people, but it doesn't devalue any friendship. Like, that's the friend you'd call when your cat dies and you feel incredibly sad, that's the friend you'd call when you're panicking over a job interview and need advice. Each is equally important, but have different.... purposes? not quite the word. you know what i mean!

Blanky took the hand resting on his knee, played with Francis' fingers. It was soothing. Familiar. Casual physical affection in a friendship is very important to me. I love platonic touches that could read as romantic. Remember that when I say: Francis and Blanky fully fooled around with each other a lot.

They locked eyes for a moment, before Sophia took a deep breath and stepped back. "I'll let you go, then.(...)" Some very deliberate wording on my part :•) She loves Francis very much, and she quite likes James, and she knows her and Francis would not be good together. It's still hard, you know.

The fight! God it took me so long to actually write, but I'm v pleased with the outcome. The playful tone quickly devolving, James not quite understanding he has crossed a line. I think James is used to being someone very comfortable in their skin, someone younger folks come to for advice and maybe their first coming out, so he views himself (subconsciously) as something of an authority on Weird Gender Feelings.

I KNOW I SAY THIS A LOT BUT,,,, I LOVE FRIENDSHIPS SDLJFHLG. Especially weird, undefinable relationships. Like Silna and Harry. Yeah they kiss and hold hands and live together but they're not together! Can't believe it took me until this year to get onboard with QPRs.... they're so good.....

Francis catastrophising and misunderstanding a fight to be a break up was in my plans from the get go. It just feels so very Francis, at least fanfic/modern au Francis. The whole world is against me! And I lowkey think I deserve it, but I also don't, fuck you! Poor man.

The inherent intimacy of helping someone with their clothes.... of putting make up on someone..... i Yell.

I never really decided on his identity in the end. Like, maybe this IS a new development, and he was a binary trans man before. Maybe he still is mostly a man and is comfortable being seen as A Man still, but would like to be gnc and maybe crossdress now and then. mulaney voice that's up to ye.

just.... them...... ;__;

[scotfroelich]

The End of Facebook... for me

In the wake of the (fully unsurprising) revelation that Mark Zuckerberg intentionally permitted, throttled back, then re-permitted algorithmic promotion of hate speech for profit, I finally decided to leave. In doing so, I decided to start a list of all the reasons to leave vs. the reasons to stay.

I should have made this list years ago. The negatives so far outweigh the positives that quitting became the only logical solution. Why stay somewhere that's so awful?

The things I won't miss:

People finding literally any reason to disagree or be contrary. 

Attention-seeking.

An algorithm that A. devalues attempts at promoting work, even among friends, B. promotes high traffic posts regardless of their content and thereby promotes hate speech, C. makes me see the same ONE post by the same ONE person over and over again instead of literally anything by the more than 1,000 other people I know. 

Seeing the "laugh" react on posts about voting rights, LGBTQIA issues, and other very NOT funny topics. These issues aren’t funny, and “laughing” at them says an awful lot more about you than it does about the issue.

The anonymity that encourages people to constantly be at their worst. 

Every discussion devolving into an either/or paradigm. No room for nuanced discussion. 

People with tragic writing skills telling others "your an idiot."

Doomscrolling 

The addiction to staying up too late scrolling for that one post that might make it worth the effort. 

Getting added - without permission - to people's vanity projects veiled as well-intentioned social issues groups.

The internal monolog of how regular-ass events would sound as a Facebook post. 

The annual reminder that one of my and Sheree's first dates was at what is now a mass shooting site.

Absolutism and cruelty in "education" about important issues. You can't claim to want to change people's minds if you're calling them a piece of shit. Just admit you either want them to have always believed exactly as you do (without giving them the time to learn as you did) or that you'd rather they be dead.

Links to bias-confirming articles where the author assumes everyone else is ignorant of something they just discovered and are very indignant about.

Hot takes

Movie spoilers

Unsolicited advice

Reminders of friends long-dead.

Reminders of friendships long-dead.

Trashing on people's airing of grievances on their own page with a high and mighty "Let people enjoy things." I dunno - maybe, let people vent about shit or just keep scrolling? Would you grab someone's lips in real life and say "Shh" to them? No? Then maybe you're the one who needs to "Shh." Let people express themselves on their own pages. A post is not an invitation to judge someone, just an invitation to share in their experience. Don't want to share in their experience? Unfriend or Unfollow. We shouldn't feel obligated to view everyone's content just because we're "friends."

The assumption that - because we’re connected on Facebook - we’re actually friends.

The impulse to think "Everyone else needs to be as outraged by [this] as I am! To the Facebook machine to prove how aware/woke I am!"

Pearl clutching "OMG, one tiny thing happened - my neighborhood must be going to hell!" posts on suburban citizen pages. Just share data about when your ibuprofen-sponsored kickball league is playing and shut up, please.

Posting about going somewhere and having some well-meaning person say, "Hey, I'll be going there, too! Let's hang out!" No no. If I had wanted to meet up, I would have sent an invite. 

Watching people give up their private information to social engineering scams and/or sharing nonsense that's easily debunked with minimal effort. 

Dehumanization. Facebook has done to the general populace what military training used to do to soldiers. If you view your “enemies” as less than human it makes them easier to destroy. 

False friends. People who sit there and quietly seethe at you for years, never telling you they have a problem with you. Then one day they just snap, berating you and attempting to publicly demoralize and assassinate your character. No one would do that face to face, but Facebook knows how much time those people spend looking at your posts (even though you don't) and keeps promoting your content to them until they can't handle it anymore and just blow up at you. Yeah, I don't need that.

The desire to post random annoyances as grievances. Then you have a whole discussion about something completely unimportant that frequently devolves into a battle involving self-righteous folks saying "Try to see things from others' perspectives!" without a hint of irony that they're refusing to see the event from the perspective of the person whining about it, and people insisting they have a right to be frustrated with that random stupid thing.

The shitheels who turn even the kindest or most innocuous posts into an opportunity to bash an unrelated group. E.g. "owning the libs"

Treating people like shit for asking harmless questions.

Perverts who constantly friend request people (particularly women) who have no interest in them.

People who are mean to my wife because we got married.

Things I will miss:

Sincere birthday messages. 

My wife's content (though I'm sure she'll text it to me).

Snarky takedowns of malignant trolls.

The even half-baked attempts at identifying missing stairs in the theatre community.

Giving the laugh react to well-placed GIFs.

Photos of my friends' trips and daily events.

Reminders of good times had.

Reminders of lessons learned.

[warm-starlight]

Unapproachable Levi is very close and friendly with Hanji (someone who is completely different than him and goes against his cleanliness aesthetic) without ackerbond, anon, he doesn't need voodoo stuff to love her (as a friend, comrade or ship, interpret it however you want). He is good friends with Erwin too, all three of them are close. They were a trio before Erwins death. Please don't devalue other relationships for the sake of your ship.

This!

Levi obviously is very close with Erwin and loves him deeply, but yeah, the Ackerbond is also at play here while with Hanji he is just naturally drawn to her, close and caring of her.

Both ships are NOT CANON (when i say LeviHan is canon it's usually just a joke),until Isayama explicitly states they are,

yet they're both still very valid in their own ways. I just don't prefer Eruri as a romantic couple, i wouldn't like their dynamics in a romantic setting (too "formal" and very "unfamiliar"). I do love them very much as a friendship or "bromance" whatever you want to call it tho.

Ship what you want and don't harrass people.

[gooeykit]

I said this in the notes of someone's post but I feel like everyone should here this

Notes and numbers should mean nothing to you lawl, its just going to hurt when you seek and don't receive. 'Social media' is social before the media after all, y'all shld be concerned about making social connections and making friends through SM. A passive like or reblog is cool, yeah! It feels nice to be appreciated by someone, but those things really take only a second, maybe a few if they leave a comment, but thats ultimately it. Meanwhile, forging whole friendships with someone is worth so much longer, so much more appreciation, every comment is not the same worth as conversation!

This isn't to devalue notes, because they can feel good, but please do not rely on them for feeling appreciated! There are real people behind every screen worth talking to and making connections with and it will feel that much better!

[fcktaekook]

(ok first I want to apologice for my English, I hope you can undesrtand it) It might not be the right time, but let me tell you this: there are bad shippers in every fandom, of every shipp. Stop and think about this: have you ever attacked other people for what they shipp?? Have you ever tried to devaluate a friendship just because you don't shipp it or because it's your NOTP?? If the answers are no, then please don't feel bad, you're not doing anything wrong.

I wish every ARMY who think badly of us thinks the same way as you.