#and it hurts to see it happening because I can relate

[crustyfloor]

lowkey becoming a Till hater after this. I hte that guy (Regretted writing this 2 seconds later)

It was established earlier in the series that some of the cast do have parents, some know their parents or remember their face, some don't, I feel like it was important to us to know this fact about Till, because this comic answers more questions about him than I had thought, such as where his sense of humanity originates from entirely.

Starting the comic off with "Lo has always wondered ever since the creation was born whether or not providers also felt the same emotions that they were feeling towards the creation" shows more about the environment of Alien stage than I initially thought, Lo seems to love Till more than any "parental figure" I've seen in alien stage, its real, its affectionate, but Alien stage is so dystopian and detached from our society that Humans have no real solid attachment to morality, social code, etc. Aliens could never relate to humans either, so how can they enforce what they don't understand? This leaves Humans to figure it out on their own because no matter what, they'll still be human and feel inexplicable emotions. Love is one of these major emotions that get confused. and loving someone is normal, but I can imagine "Providers" can't afford to be as attached to their "Creations" as Lo was, they couldn't help forming a special bond with Till. But I love that it's immediately established that Lo loved Till as much as they could, and he wasn't brought into the world without care and familial love.

And it's also made clear that Till's passion for art and music was apparent from the jump.. even as a child, he composed his own song and sang it to his mother, he started showing skill and talent at a young age, he was as much of a prodigy as he's always been said to have been, but Lo's expression upon realizing that is so unmistakably afraid. Lo knew more than anyone in that situation how risky it would be letting Till go on because singing, they were more than familiar with the environment of Alien stage, the elaborate display of talent and entertainment on the big screens, the inauthentic excitement of the performers, Till was almost just like them, and Lo knew that Alien stage was where innocent children like him go to be chewed and spat out by Segyein until they had their fill and moved on to the next talent, Lo feared that fate all the same, humans like them didn't have the right to just sing when they want however loud they want, their voices didn't belong to them. Not anymore, but Till had made it into something of his own, he was too naive to know the truth.

They knew the risk, as a survivor, Lo knew what life, what horrors Till would be subjected to if this was ever found out by the aliens who would only use it to hurt and market him, to put him through a grueling cycle of pain until he too met his end on that stage. Lo's ear notch is a nod to their experience, and they were completely right. But as a mother, they didn't even want to take that innocence away from Till, not when his eyes sparked so brightly and pitifully.

In relationships like these in Alien stage, I always see that there is a choice to make between breaking making reality clear or reveling in obliviousness, it happens with Ivan and Sua, Sua and Mizi, Till and Mizi, etc etc. Something has to give and take.

Sua's sister is my favorite example of this kind of exchange, she told Sua bluntly that she would be doomed on that stage as she is now, that she was pitiful, if only to ensure her safety in some twisted, caring way, it effected Sua a lot as a child, living with such deep seated trauma caused Sua to develop an obsession with safety and security based on the fear her sister instilled in her so deeply, to find that warmth in Mizi, Sua was content living in delusion until she had to face it, continuing the cycle.

Lo made the decision to let Till remain oblivious, they, too, found comfort in such childish carefreeness. Like they had hope, they let Till keep singing despite their unease. They cared so deeply about Till enough to prioritize him being himself rather than making him suppress his spirit. The darkness that shadows over Lo's perspective in contrast to the light that makes Till's shines behind Till shows the difference between living in fear--delusion and living freely, oblivious.

The cruelty of their situation was overshadowed by love for a moment, Lo's one wish for their son-- that he would grow up knowing what it's like to love and be loved and chase after the feeling--if only in his heart he would remember how much they tried to show him that love and actively seek it after they're gone, or give it to someone else. They wanted to teach him to be himself through encouraging his love for music.

I don't believe they failed at all. Till was fully aware of how much he meant to his mother, it was so obvious. He loved making them proud, and making them smile and sing with him every time he tried to replicate those 'good cries', Till loved Lo back equally, and as he grew up he never stopped loving.

One thing about Lo's wish was that they hoped Till would never grow up alone. Till's separation from his mother must have had more of an impact on him than we could ever realize from his perspective, even if we never hear about it again, even if he's forgotten about it, suppressed it, it's a trauma that has deeply plagued his subconscious. He lives with that wariness for the rest of his life.

It was Till's fear that stemmed from the pain and regret of losing his mother that caused him to avoid attachments, emotionally suppressing himself, and he keeps his heart behind restrictive chains because he can never let that vulnerability be used against him again, it explains a lot about his relationship with his friends, how he percieves his own relationship with them after going so long not addressing his feelings. He craves connections but fear, and being in the middle of confusion makes him freeze in place and run back to old habits. Jumping to feelings he can easily rationalize, hatred, anger--or avoiding conflict all together.

Even after Lo and Till were separated, Till did not grow up without love, or without the feeling of loving, even though he was alone in his own self-made bubble distanced from his peers, there is a difference between isolation and loneliness, in his case, he remained distant even with his closest friends, or the girl he loved more than anything, as a way to protect himself. But he was never left alone with 4nakt beside him.

When Till can only realize he's loved when he can recognize it and see it for himself, thats what makes the comic being focused on the whole group rather than just Mizi or Ivan interesting, and telling about his character. It drives home the fact that Till was also a little kid who craved connection just like the others, he expects to be left to himself, and his friends seek him out naturally. He valued and loved all of his friends. rather than a specific person like Sua focuses on Mizi and Ivan focuses on Till this shows that everyone who stayed with Till had an importance to him

(Even Sua looks somewhat fond...)

Till grew up knowing what it was like to be cared about and loved it, sought it out, and inherited that touch from his caretaker, What Till gained from his relationship with his mother shows in the way he treats Mizi, Ivan, even Sua. Mizi's kindness and care were a familiarity, something that instantly attracted him to her, it likely reminded him of his mother in a way and he subtly sought out her attention for that very feeling of love and feeling cared for.

With Ivan, he couldn't help caring about him in little ways, it was only natural, if only because it was part of Till's nature to nurture, letting Ivan be himself around him as a parallel to the way his mother encouraged him to be loud about his interests. And Sua, even if they weren't close at all, Sua was an acquaintance to him, hell even the way he treats a little broken flower with just as much compassion shows us how much Lo impacted Till's growth

To the Segyein, Humans are nothing more than a product, to those who disobey, they are punished, to those who comply, living to sing on stage and feed the aliens is their "prize" for living through it all. Their separation was something Lo saw as a their punishment for having their own little rebellion in making music for themselves, loving it, making it into something the aliens couldn't use against them, it was their own little fun, and they could do it freely. It was an inevitable consequence that they could have prevented as Till's caretaker

In the end, Lo probably never lived to see her son grow up, but they prayed for Till's pursuit of happiness. The traces of them, the evidence of their care that they tried to deeply thread into Till's person stayed with him forever, exactly what kind of trace Lo had left on him...they taught him how to love and be loved, they let him love art, they showed him what living freely with no restraints was like, that's the kind of life he fights for even after he's trapped in this system. her impact keeps him kind-hearted and fighting. It keeps him human despite all of the pain he was burdened with as he grows up

And even when his art is his pain, the creation of art and music reminds him of why he lives, what he lives for, it gives him a vague sense of hope even if for a moment, it brings him that same joy he had when he was a child

"Exactly what kind of trace"

The traces you leave behind is what's important to a human, every human is born to die, what matters most is how you live your life, what impact and memory you leave behind, I love Lo's character, even if we have little context around her background, because she knew that fact and wanted nothing more than to leave a meaningful impact on Till, if they were to one day die they wanted to leave him with a trace of them, a message he would never let go of. and that sentiment became deeply intertwined in his being. Till's emotions, his love, makes him the character he is.

The title of the comic expresses this too. "evidence" or "traces"--this comic is evidence of Lo's impact, evidence that Till was loved and knew how to love in return, Till had relationships. His entire existence was the product of love, it's evidence that he was alive and had humanity, that's what makes this comic even more tragic. It's evidence that he was human at all when we can forget that in the midst of the chaos of all of their lives. Innocence where the aliens don't bother to acknowledge. Till isn't a weapon, or a product. And this perspective of him through his mother's eyes reflects that.

The humanity that he holds within himself even after losing family connects him to more people who prove to care for him as deeply as he cares for them. Till was lonely but never alone with the love he had around him, they always come back, the relationships around him that his mother wished he would have so that he would never sink into a lonely abyss, only a boy and his song, and on that wall is a drawing that draws a picture of a life he's always wanted, a real heavenly garden with real trees and a real sky, and the drawing includes the four of them together, because he had always envisioned a life worth living, free, with all of his friends by his side.

The translation is done by @/WhatfaFruit

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

enamored with the bill possessing Ford's body au. If you would feel up to it, do you have more tidbits? :3

I’m happy to see so many people enjoying it!! I have a lot of additional tidbits so I’ll just stick to giving a few for now:

— Dipper finds out Ford is the author a lot earlier, for the obvious reasons of Bill being present in Ford’s body. He doesn’t put the pieces together right away, only because initially, he hates Bill, disappointed that the ‘scientist��� his parents spoke about that he wanted to impress turned out to be nothing like what he had hoped, ignoring and dismissing him instead, even taking a liking to Mabel before him! He has this idealised version of the author in his head, someone who he relates to and finds comfort in, and he doesn’t want to taint that vision by suspecting it may be someone who he hates. He may be a mystery lover but he is still a twelve year old with a grudge.

It’s only after he and Bill start getting along that he brings it up, and Bill doesn’t think to lie. He’s just that surprised Dipper found it. He does lie about not remembering things though to avoid Dipper’s questions about the paranoia and why he hid it — as on the spot kind of thing, and that becomes Dipper’s mystery fixation of the summer.

— Stan and Bill have various nicknames for each other, with Bill’s main one for Stan being ‘Fez’, and Stan’s main one for Bill being ‘Goldie’.

— Speaking of them, when it comes to their relationship, they are genuinely friends after thirty years of living together, but what that friendship entails is where it gets complicated and I don’t think I can summarise here. I’d say it can best be described as two people who have come to understand each other very deeply, and are similar in a thousand ways, but they would rather throw themselves off a cliff than acknowledge or talk about that. There’s also the lingering anger and resentment on Stan’s end, not for taking Ford’s body, he knows Bill doesn’t want to be stuck here either, but for what he did to Ford before that, how he hurt him. He, much to his confusion, does care about Bill, and Bill, much to his own confusion as well, does care about Stan back, but their friendship is built on something awful, and that doesn’t just go away.

— On a sillier note, it was in 1990 that Stan realised Bill was his only friend and that he sort of enjoyed his company, and that truly was a horrifying moment. On the other end Bill finally admits to some degree he might care for Stan in 1994, which happens while both of them are drunk, and Bill likes to claim it didn’t happen. The image below also probably summarises the lighter aspect of their dynamic better than I could word it here:

— Bill has taxidermy as a hobby and actually gives Dipper and Mabel a few lessons in it, creating some displays for the shack. Weirdly good bonding activity.

— Very specific ‘episode’ idea in my mind where Stan and Bill get framed by Faires that Bill angered a thousand years ago for a crime they didn’t commit, and Dipper and Mabel have to figure out how to prove their innocence, finding more about their Grunkles along the way, and also having to beat a fairy in a game of poker.

— Mabel at some point comes to the conclusion her “Grunkle Ford” had a bad breakup that he still hasn’t gotten over and makes it her goal to help him through it. This is part of her summer mission. It comes up frequently. It’s ridiculous I know but what is Gravity Falls without a generous amount of both angst and utter silliness.

I’ll probably leave it at that for now! But if you’d want more or have any specific questions, I shall do my best. I’m still figuring out some stuff too so input will be helpful.

[rapunzellovesbooks]

The way I just want to hug Luke Newton and apologize on behalf of the entire Polin fandom for the shit he had to go through over a f*** picture taken without his consent. Like, I get it was the crazies, but still. Being part of the Taylor Swift fandom and seeing how she disappeared for a damn year over a leaked video taken without her consent and taken out of context villainising her... I know it must have hurt. And we can say it was months ago and that he knows who his true fans are, but still, that stuff would affect anyone, specially someone as sensitive as he is. I usually mind my own business and do not ship real people, heck, I usually do not even go online and "protect" celebrities. I tend to just focus on the happy and celebrate the characters they play but something about that June 13th and the look on his face... it haunts me to this day. And I just feel very very bad for him still.

I am deeply aware of the fact that I know nothing about his life, not really. I only know about his feelings for Polin and Nicola, because he has spoken about them. I have access to the same amount of information as the rest of the world, the pictures and videos of their WT and behind the scenes, the interviews he has done. I do not know anyone in his life and I should not have to. Neither do I know Nicola. And hey, maybe it never happens. Maybe they are happy with someone else (I doubt it, but this is just a feeling I have) and their relationship remains unique and the millions of questions we have never get answered. My point is, I got into this fandom because seeing their bond brought me joy. I don´t think them having other people in their lives diminishes that, which is why the hate he got over one picture never sat right with me. I do not get how it affects someone´s viewing experience of a show. I do not understand why we are so focused on labelling people´s relationships, as if it is as easy as saying a pencil is pink or green. It makes me happy seeing their videos and waiting for crumbs. I have fun hoping that what I truly see as more than platonic feelings will come to fruition.

I write this because the world is in shambles right now. And the last thing anyone needs is to add more negativity to it. So, I hope that we can, in the Lukola fandom, be kind and focus on the good. I do not give a shit about paparazzi photos or whatever the "adjacents" or however you want to call them do. In fact, I have not once looked at A´s or JD´s SM, nor do I want to. They are human beings, but not the human beings I care about. Even if they are involved in Luke and Nic´s lives, I will never send them hate or bad mouth them. I have no idea what they are to them. All I know is what L and N have said about each other. And it has always been good. So, that is where I will be.

And, yes, I truly believe they will be together. And I will be happy with anything that suggests it so, cause this is supposed to be fun and joyful. I, unlike other people, do not label people as gf or bf UNLESS it comes directly from the people involved. And if anyone ever confirms or launches anything, I will still be here. Cause that is what shipping is. Not hate, not negativity, not putting other people down, not invading someone´s privacy, not thinking that a moment in time is forever (people break up all the time, there is no way to know if someone is still with someone if there was never a "launch" or whatever you want to call it).

It would make both Luke and Nicola sad to see that a connection that is supposed to bring people joy is putting people against each other. I know we were so well fed with content over so many months that now we hold onto every detail we have not dissected yet. I get it. I also miss them. But that is the way it is supposed to be. We are not supposed to know everything. We are just supposed to be grateful and happy for when something good related to them happens. That is all and that is my hope for this fandom.

Spread joy and leave the rest out of it. Spiralling only makes people dizzy. Let us "get some vision, bro" like Luke said.

Thank you for reading and, remember, be kind to one another.

[ashyx]

•°~Taylor Swift songs i'd give to Zsakuva characters and their listeners•°~

《Andrew and darling: London boy》

"They say home is where the heart is, but god, i love the English."

As a swiftie and a crumpet, I'm convinced this song was made for these two. Do I think that darling would make Andrew listen to this? Yes. Of course. Would Andrew like the song? Debatable. I personally think that Andrew would relate more to "can do it with a broken heart." especially when he had to go back to university and act like the stares, rumors and whispers didn't bother him. I feel like darling would relate to this song in a cute and sweet way. I also headcanon that darling is not from the UK nor grew up there, they just to happen to study university there then boom! Met Andrew and fell in love. London boy is fun and adventurous, much like how Andrew and darling's relationship is now. (AND I HOPE IT STAYS THAT WAY). they've both been through so much, so i figured to give them a fun and cheeky song from my favorite album.

《Kayon and prefect: so high school》

"You know how to ball, I know Aristotle."

??? Do I even have to explain myself??? This song is written for them. You cannot convince me otherwise. Kayson and prefect are the opposite attract relationship which I'm obsessed with. In my opinion, they are the cutest couple in the sakuverse (yall can argue with me on this one because I am not changing my mind) kayson's sport oriented, while prefect is academically oriented and a Perfectionist, what part in that doesn't scream so high school??? I love both of them so much it hurts🥹🥹. Their relationship gives off the stereotypical teenage relationship vibes, but not in a immature way or that lack of responsibilities most teenage relationships have, l'm talking about the magic that teenage relationships come with, like the curiosity, newness, imagination and incredible passion that prefect hasn't been able to experience due to their strict parents and fear of judgment.

《Xanthus and Love: treacherous 》

"This slope is treacherous, this path is reckless and i like it."

Okay, this is where it starts to hurt a little bit🥹. Im not sure if its just me, but love and xanthus are so similar yet so different at the same time. Both parties had all the money, connections, and so much more yet still felt empty and incomplete their whole existence. From how I see it, love left their family and wealth as a way to find how to close up that emptiness and incompletness they've had for so long. Xanthus had lived through multiple wars, has seen multiple deaths, betrayals and so much more that we've yet to find out, but even after 400+ worth of experience, he's only now found his purpose to live and someone to fight for. This song describes the irresistible pull of a risky, potentially dangerous love. The lines like "I’ll do anything you say if you say it with your hands" hint at the allure and intensity of falling for someone against the odds which I think suits this pair so well, especially when xanthus has lstarted a whole ass war just to protect love, despite knowing how dangerous and reckless it was for both love and xanthus because both know how much they need each other.

[whosstella]

So well said. Like you can see Rudy doesn’t want that ending as well… and all that fucking bs abt him being excited about it and understanding it is super sus and I don’t believe it for a second cause again Rudy DIDNT want to leave the show no matter what the fans are saying. The fans have destroyed many things in this show but I never thought they’ll get my boy killed 💔. But I truly believe in the power of ppl, like so many times in this show things have happened because fans wanted it so I have hope that they’ll use that dam wish AND BRING MY BOY BACK. Same as the og poster I can’t even read fan fics atm because of how bad it hurts to know how bad they treated him. His friends bearly cried abt his death and his “gf”, who I believe was a pretty shitty gf to him, didn’t even cried and then she’s all revenge this and revenge that. Bby girl we know that by the third episode of s5 you’ll be all over Rafe and being all cozy with him. This show was the thing that I turned to when I needed someone because the characters truly felt like my family, but now i don’t think I can watch s1 (who is also my fave) because of everything that happened in those last god dam minutes of the last episode. Thank you Pete brothers I truly, truly, TRULY love and appreciate what you’ve done to my favourite and comfort show. As a person with dyslexia, adhd and anxiety (and minor ocd) I could see myself so much in JJ , but those weren’t the only things I related to him with. I could go on and on about him but this post is already very long. So I’ll finish by saying that not all hope is lost yet and let’s all hope that our boy will be back soon smoking beers and drinking weed 🥹🫶🏻

**OBX SPOILERS**

Can we talk about the fact that Obx4 is not about good plot, writing or character based story. It's about shock value and fan service.

JJ Maybank, who literally hasn't had a moment of happiness in the 4th season, gets killed by the end so that were shocked and hooked for the next season.

We get one shot of him dead, his friends barely even crying and them BOOM gets buried in the fucking ground in the place that's not even his home, literally plopped into the fucking ground like a piece of rock. Audiences don't even get time to process his random ass death and suddenly John Bs stupid ass monologue shows the flashbacks of JJ and how he was a good friend and all that shit.

If people who WROTE this fucking show can't understand that JJs character goes FAR beyond just being a good friend, then I guess I'm not even surprised by the end.

We were CONSTANTLY shown aspects of JJ that in some other universe would've been properly explored. He's clutches his chest constantly, perhaps suggesting he's got a heart thing or breathing difficulty, his home life is shit and not a single adult gives a fuck. John B is practically stalked by the CPS in season 1, but no one bat's an eye at the fact that Luke abuses JJ. He's got dyslexia and kleptomania which is only ever played for laughs meanwhile Cleos kleptomania is regarded as a serious thing she had to do to survive. He can never sit still and constantly switches back and forth, obviously ADHD coded. Whenever gang argued before, JJ used to pace around and put hands over his ears suggesting he has some bits of PTSD from unstable home environment.

All of THAT exists and is true about JJ yet in John B fucking monologue he's reduced to just "a good friend" ????

Literally NOTHING of his trauma is explored or even touched upon aside from that bit in season 1. NO ONES trauma is explored except for Sarah's (no hate to her) and John Bs.

Fuckin bs.

Imagine being given up by your dad (who killed your mother btw) to a morally questionable man such as Luke, who then proceeds to beat you and emotionally manipulate and torment your for years, neglecting you and abusing you. To then suddenly being told you're not actually his and that all that beating and abuse COULD'VE been avoided had someone actually wanted you. Then you meet the said biological father only for him to lie to you, manipulate you, gaslight you, scam you, attempt to kill you once and then fucking succeed in killing you..... The amount of disrespect for JJs character.

Fuckin Luke, the biggest abuser is JJs story is alive and well and FUCKING JAIL FREE??? WHILE JJ IS IN THE GROUND???

The angry faces of others and Kiaras "revenge" implies that season 5 will be about seeking revenge and sinking further into darkness in order to right the wrongs of JJs murder. But guess what?? Sarah's pregnant. That storyline itself is basically ensuring that happy ending is in sight. For basically all of them, because as Kie said: takes a village (to raise a baby). Motherly vibes are gonna spread their positive energy and then they'll heal and John B will most likely give another boring ass monologue about how People die but they also live and heal and shit and how everybody deserves happiness with shots of the gang raising the kid and riding off into the sunset....

Guess who fucking deserved happy ending THE MOST out of all of them???

JJ fucking Maybank.

Every season of obx focuses on on Pogue. 1.- John B, 2.-Pope, 3.- Kie. Imagine waiting for your own season only for your character to constantly be dealt the worst of cards, be perpetually disregarded and have shit go from worse to worse to in the end fucking die randomly???? If I was Rudy Pankow I'd fuckin sue.

The shit that pisses me off the most is that it's so painfully obvious that Rafe will inevitably get a redemption arc and his own happy ending, possibly even with Kie since people love to ship her with a man who's a) mentally and emotionally not at all alright b) is a murderer who never served his time and got one of her friends framed for it causing him to literally be chased out of his own home for crime he did not commit while he was still a minor c) has tried to kill her d) has tried to kill her best fucking friend, who is his own fucking sister

Infatuation with sociopath men in media HAS to stop. But it most likely will not stop any time soon and JJ is yet another victim of shipping wars.

I can't even read stupid ass fanfics anymore because I'll always remember that JJ is not alive in the Canon anymore.

Who ever gave the green light in the making of the end of season 4, sincerely and disrespectfully, I fucking hate you.

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

[quietwingsinthesky]

thinking about how dean’s character gets simplified in fandom, or more specifically, the very black and white lens that gets applied to him. because integral to dean, from my point of view, is that he is both a victim of abuse and a perpetrator of it. that these two things do not cancel each other out or outweigh each other to the point that only one matters. he’s both, you cannot separate him from the fact that he’s both.

but very often, people do. dean is either a victim. or he’s an abuser. it’s like it’s hard for people to hold both those facts in their heads at once. dean went through incredible amount of trauma as a child and an adult, is routinely faced with violence, has resorted to alcohol abuse to cope with it. he’s also a violent person, someone who retreats into tactics of emotional abuse and control when he feels threatened, who hurts the people around him constantly and the people who are closest to him (ie Sam, Cas, later Jack) get the brunt of that abuse. these are just facts. they’re things that happened on the screen and cannot be denied.

and it’s. idk it’s weird to me (not unexpected, because he’s hardly the only character to ever get this treatment) that dean of all people is the one portrayed in such an either/or way when one of the defining moments of the show for him is that during his stint in Hell, he was tortured and then became a torturer to escape that, to feel like he had some control again, and he relished in it. it’s baked into who he is.

[looniecartooni]

Honestly- this panel is really scary for me:

Not just because Clutch is a creepy grabby guy or Mimic's the kind of guy where when he's threatened, he'll literally stab you in the back. The fact that Clutch grabs his arm when he's actively frightened and trying to get away. And Clutch is doing it because he knows Mimic is scared and trying to get away. That's scary.

Clutch has a habit of... clutching onto people as a way to build their trust. We see this multiple times. Even strangely with Mimic who actively hates people, let alone them grabbing at him.

And up to this point- Mimic has never seen him mad. Every time he's suggested a threat, this possum's been cool and collected. Almost allowing Mimic- the constantly paranoid backstabber- to lower his guard.

But what we know about Clutch is that you don't want to see him angry. This man will take away the basic care rights of a chao and lock it away with multiple locks in a covered cage. Mimic probably doesn't know that, but chances are that he's been alert this whole time.

And no- I get it. Mimic is no better with chao or wisps than Clutch. We've seen him literally punt one just to make Sonic look bad. Mimic is a bad guy.

Both he and Clutch are manipulative evil men. But like at the same time- this man does not like to get threatened. He goes to extremes to get away from or expose threats. He does not like having an out. And we see how he will react when he's not actively able to find an out.

He panics. He stammers and panics. Which opens up a lot of analysis for his cowardice character and evil motivations, but let's circle back to the point that this man panics under pressure or when threatened.

Clutch is someone who could definitely hurt him if he wanted to. Clutch's hand literally shakes on the gun-cane he's holding. This is the first time Clutch has actively not been calm and collected and Mimic knows its bad news. So he actively tries to leave before he snaps.

But Clutch doesn't snap. He doesn't let him leave. He puts on a fake smile and tries to tell him he's fine- it's not his fault. He can fix this.

I know its two terrible people, capable of defending themselves, probably not that bad. But to be someone that actively does not like being put in danger and having someone you thought you could trust actively becoming dangerous just hold you in place while they continue to rant, telling you "no no- it's okay. Its all just me- not you." And this is seconds before we get Clutch's really creepy angry face (which I forgot to screenshot). He's got a loose grip on Mimic's arm, so it's not as bad, but still... ladies and gentlemen, if someone grabs your arm like this in the middle of them being upset and tries to tell you, "hey it's okay. I'm just upset for personal reasons." That's someone you want to keep your distance from for a while. Clutch knew Mimic was upset and that's why he grabbed his arm. (he did the same to Jewel too btw).

[forcedhesitation]

why should it just be steve who has all the torturous purgatory realm fun?

[ancha-aus]

No one escapes a writer's trauma beam :3

I am putting stuff together by subject don't mind me :3

It makes sense though! For Killer to have such an unhealthy relationship with Chara and to worship him. To Killer this was normal. it was always the same. Chara saved him. chara showed him freedom (which wasn't truly freedom) and showed him how to be himself (he never was himself) and it was better than before. so obviously this is it? isn't it? this is how it is suposed to be. this is happiness. this is freedom. Becuase it is better than before. (even a golden cage is still a cage)

but it started to eat at him. he started to see the difference. because chara never came to him. at first he can fool himself that is was trust but... chara did always say that killer would be hopeless without him. that killer is a dum-dum.

killer just needs to know for sure. see that his friend will come for him. then everything will be right! So he waits. and waits. and waits. But Nobody Came.

And 100% with nightmare. Ngihtamre and chara are at some points very alike. Nightmare just. didn't expect Killer to be this trauma filled and pretty much TRAINED to listen. Nightmare remembers killer speaking out against him. That is whay nightmare liked. that and the fact tha tkiller didn't hate him. To him it wouldn't make sense for Killer to be loyal becaus eloyalty was beaten into him. Killer spoke out against him before? What would stop him from doing it again?

but as time goes by. and probably because nightmare is close with ccino. Nightmare realises that if he wants killer to be his full knight. to be able to trust him fully. Ngihtamre NEEDS to trust him. Nightmare needs to take that step. he needs to show killer that he is trusted.

It is why he tells him everything after the mask ceremony. Becuase the mask Killer earned. And Nightmare wnats to give it to him. But it is only fair to Killer. To tell him everything before Killer fully commits. If killer can't handle this... then he can leave. he may keep the mask. he earned it much like the party thrown in his honour. but his choice is his to make. After learning the full truth.

I think that near the start Killer would almost take comfort in knowing nim and nightmare are related. it is easy for him to use that to fall into old patterns. to see it like 'see? it makes sense i am here na dfollow and trust him...' it is only after he got a lot of meals and rest and was able to just be between his training sessions... that he had time to think. to wonder. to really think back.

Killer also... sees the difference though. as his own slight worship fades again. that the servants don't worship him (ccino ESPECIALLY doens't worship nightmare) no one speaks of him as a god. he has godlike pwers yes. but he isn't a god. and nightmare never calls himself a god. he calls himself king. and that is what he keeps it as.

Killer sees that nightmare isn't worshipped. and no one is punished for not doing this. it makes him able to breka a bit away from the whole religion aspect of it all and focus more on real things. on the rpesent and the now and how it affects him.

and yeah. The more that i think about it... Killer probably at first had a bit of a celeberty crush on ccino. or like a kid liking their babysitter or soemthing. Just. a more worship/devotion kinda crush than an IN love crush.

And it is SAFE. because he knows ccino is out of reach. it makes ccino ironically a safe place for him to think about. because Killer knows it will never ever happen. Ccino will never ask these things of him because he is professional. It is a safe area to think and wonder about. think about what he would like and what would make him happy.

(more on this in my scheming so don't worry about it.)

but yeah! it is the time on his own where he just is able to act silly. to try things. to pet a cat and cry when the cats snuggle him. how he decides, for himself, that he will never ever hurt another cat ever again.

All of these little bits. they make killer killer.

because killer? he never had a chance to BE himself. To even figure out who he was. He always had to be a specific thing.

and it takes him a while but eventually killer figures out that while being a knight is a big deal. it doens't make killer killer. it is just a job. a job that killer eventually realises... tha the likes. a lot. killer likes being trusted. he likes to be able to trust the poeple he works with. to be able to defend and know they have his back.

and later.

When nightmare trusts him. When nightmare just has to be reminded he doens't need to be afriad?

That after nightmare was changed and just needed a reminder. needed someone to pull him out of his panic? and then killer was trusted again. Killer is so happy. that is his little brother. because nightmare picked killer out himself and killer is so happy he decided to stay.

As for what made killer stay? the simple fact he didn't know what else to do. He could leave. sure. but what then? go back to doing the same as before? the thing that chara wanted him to do? that would jsut bedoing somethign that someone wants him to do. the same as staying here. and heere he doesn't need to steal food or water. Here he can sleep in and gets special training.

He stays because it is a good deal... and then as he slowly forms his own personality and character... well... Killer is happy he tested chara. because he ended up being saved by nightmare.

(another part that sells it? nightmare never specifally acts as if killer needs to repay him. Nightmare wants himt o try for this job but it is his choice. killer took it. and is not letting go anymroe)

Okay. So Killer (New Age) lore post! Putting it immediately under the cut, because I get the feeling this will be longer-

Killer! He's the first one Nightmare takes in! He's the 'Average' one. The silver-tongued common street rat, literally snatched away from the gallows. He's obnoxiously loyal.

His story is going to be (hopefully) loosely based on his canon, but still follow a lot of the New Age conventions.

So, Killer was a straight up orphan. Like, abandoned as a babybones on the steps of a temple. Temples would often double as orphanages, if you dropped a kid at the right one. (Killer had a malformed soul from birth. Didn't affect him at all, just looked weird.) So Killer? He was raised religious, basically. Worshipping the deity which was most prominent at the time (which for this era, Nim was largely the one being worshipped as though a god. Like Rome worshipping the Emperor), a very strict environment, a very lonely one as there weren't many other kids, and a fairly violent upbringing. The people there were Not proper caretakers. But it was all Killer had, and running away never crossed his mind, because beyond the market, there was nothing for him that the temple couldn't give. At least, that's what he was taught. Until, of course, he met Chara (just going by the normal ut name tho I do think they're called the Player in Something New?). (Note: Killer had a different name before he left the temple.)

Killer was only 11 or 12 (he didn't really keep track) when Chara started coming with their parents to the Temple. Their parents would ditch them to talk to the adults, and Chara would try to find other things to do, to get out of their parents sight, and one day they spotted the Orphans. Killer in particular (the oldest) was their target, about their same age. And they would talk to him. At first he was hesitant, but, you know how it goes, kids are kids and they'll talk.

And over the course of several visits, Chara told Killer about the outside world. All the places and the animals (Killer told Chara that the sacrafices were all animals, very unique) and the ocean, they told him about the mountains and the towns and ships and the guard and all of it. And it got to Killer. He started wanting to go beyond the walls of the temple (he always had, but never had reason to understand that urge).

One night, Chara showed up at the temple grounds after dark, while Killer was doing his final cleaning checks, and they encouraged him to leave. to run away with them. And... well, he did. He stole a cloak from the doorway and ran off with Chara. While they were on the run, Chara from their parents and Killer from his temple, they had to do what all street-rats did. Steal, cheat, and protect themselves. Killer was the first of them to kill. it wasn't much different from sacrificing the animals on the altar, anyhow. It was just another way to get what he wanted, since the god, Nim, never had any answers to his prayers. The person he killed had recognized his name, other sects were after him now that he'd run with Chara (unbeknownst to him, Chara was meant to be a sacrifice once they were old enough). He changed his name to the skill he was good at: Killer.

And they stay like that for a long long time, never settling down, always on the move, never leaving the kingdom because doing so would make it easier to find them, two red marbles in a sea of blue ones. And Chara never got their hands dirty. it was always Killer. it was his duty to back-up Chara. he 'owed' them for getting him out of that Temple. Out of that boring life. Chara, in some way, became the center of his world, something beyond his grasp and beyond poor judgement. Beyond the flaws of any living being. And they were fine. They still did normal teenage things, they laughed, they joked, they played, they lied, they got sweet treats and split big loaves of bread. But it wasn't healthy. A parasitic relationship where Chara took and Killer gave, weighed down by an impossible debt to repay.

Then, years and years later, Killer was finally taken down by the guard. Now wanted for several counts of murder, theft, and other bad things, he was caught. This time, unlike several others, instead of breaking out like he normally did, h decided to wait and see. How long would he have to be gone for Chara to seek him out instead? And Chara left him. And left him. And didn't ever come back for him. Gone, fully, 100%. His faith broke, along with his hope. The one thing that motivated him in life had abandoned him, and he couldn't seem to bring himself to do anything anymore, because he had sacrificed all he was and wasn't enough to keep his only friend around.

In prison he talked with other people. Prisoners aren't all bad, you know, especially when they saw Killer, a young guy, looking so downtrodden. Even though he was an objectively horrible person, hearing others try to cheer him up, expecting nothing in return, was helpful.

And then, ofc, when he met Nightmare he decided he could have a ticket out of here. A weird guy who would give him a place to stay, and pay him, and he could just go and then escape like he always did? Go live his own life for the first time ever? Yeah, sounds banger.

But then, you know, he ended up finding Nightmare's situation much too interesting, and Ccino way too handsome, and his gig just a bit too cushy. But he never had blind faith again. Nightmare is unaware, but that fake faith act Killer started with quickly morphed into a faith earned through action, and care, and kindness. Killer saw and felt that Night would be willing to risk himself just as much as Killer would. (Maybe that's why he became so loyal. maybe that's why it's important that Killer came first and set that expectation for the other Knights. Maybe that's why Killer faced off against Dream and almost died, and why Nightmare ran infront of Killer to spare him that final blow and proved exactly why Killer followed him in the firstplace-)

[savage-rhi]

✨️Magenta✨️

[monstriiss]

.

[the-physicality]

.

[nohkalikai]

every time i talk w my parents i have to remind myself not to get swayed by their doting affectionate act.

[jaredthebc]

Random late night thought but I noticed a lot of AU content regarding N makes it so he’s either still being abused, or just straight up killed before he gets the chance to heal

I get I can’t police people and how they write stuff but I won’t lie, its getting a bit overbearing and has me very uncomfortable to see how people want to just boil him down to angst with no payoff

[biblicalhorror]

You ever had a friendship where like you kind of faded out of each other's lives for a period of time and then re-bonded without ever really addressing the distance so now every time one of you mentions something you never told the other one during The Dark Time you both just have to be like "yeah, this massive thing that happened to me that we didn't talk about at the time but I totally wanted to tell you about but it felt like I couldn't talk to you but I'm also not gonna say it was your fault because I don't want to drive you away again but I know and you know exactly what it is we're not talking about"

[niaevum]

.