#please believe me when i tell you
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woe, poly be upon ye, holy poly >:D shenanigans and bullshittery (and undying love) this image sums up these four's whole relationship
Blue Prinxe -- @ari-fire-arts
#please believe me when i tell you#this is after a LOOOONG WHILE of healing and shit#but still#poly be upon ye >:D#gay gay homosexual gay#polyamory#holy poly#im so normal about these four#lmk#lego monkie kid#sun wukong#lmk sun wukong#six eared macaque#lmk macaque#lmk oc#blue prinxe#lmk blue prinxe#naomi di'er-avanoa#lmk naomi#lmk holy poly#technically shadowpeach#but plus 2#anon's art#anon's doodles#image redraw#screenshot redraw#anon rambles in the tags#lmk monkey king#monkey king#lego monkie kid monkey king
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Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#chilchuck tims#kabru#BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry.#Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong:#“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH.#This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated.#I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them.#Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad.#When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment!#I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug.#Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends)#and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off.#I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi.#obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc#YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him.#I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference
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What's up guys I'm going to be a panelist at RATIOCON 2024 giving an improvised presentation on how silly and weird this guy is
#hsr#dr ratio#dr. ratio#hsr fanart#my art#this is a scrap because i did not look at a reference and the off-ness outweighs the fuck-it returns#i also did this a few weeks ago but I wana post something now since I've been sick#OF! HIM!#(EXTREMELY AFFECTIONATE)#please guys you gotta believe me. he laughs at his own jokes while he tells them. almost every time#I psychoanalyze jordan haro's performance like it's my job so it's beyond me if he's silly in other voiceovers#I was predestined to like Ratio but when i started noticing that he wasn't all 'dry sharp tongue smart guy'#I really fell in love with the character
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masochist gojo. gojo who's in love with pain, so much that it feels like pleasure, he can barely distinguish between the two anymore.
gojo who's so starved for touch. who's had an infinite space between himself and the whole world for so long, for so many years, every day in and day out.
gojo who's survived off glancing presses when a barista hands him a coffee, the rare hug from his students (who are mostly orphans) that he can't bring himself to decline.
gojo who craves more but can't bring himself to accept it except in fleeting moments with strangers or students.
his hands that long to be held. he wants it so bad that he teases a cursed spirit, laces his fingers with its own, right before he utterly crushes the being in battle, untouchable all over again.
gojo whose skin is hungry for someone else's. he hasn't felt the warmth of a hand in his own in so long. not since - since his youth.
gojo who sometimes wishes he could get hit. who sees the impact of curse techniques on his infinity and feels a wild, strange desire for them to go straight through and strike him.
he imagines it, vividly, being impaled by a long spear (inverted spear) that goes straight through him. how it would lance his flesh so cleanly.
being struck so hard, across the face, in the stomach, enough to knock the wind out of him.
enough to feel it with his whole body.
gojo who wants to be touched so bad he doesn't even care if it hurts anymore. infinity couldn't protect him from geto's betrayal.
gojo who keeps infinity up not because he doesn't want to get hit, but because he's terrified of what he might do when it happens.
gojo who got hard whenever geto sparred with him. he still doesn't know if it was because of geto, or because he had no infinity back then, no way to block the strikes.
he dreams of his youth. bruises littering his pale, pretty form like kisses, proof that he was human, there, that there was someone who could reach him.
dark purple things that turned pretty colors as they healed. he remembers pressing into them, relishing the hurt, feeling like he was getting hit (touched, reached, connected) all over again.
nothing ever touches him again. not like that. not like anything.
he never feels it. he never feels anything.
satoru gojo who wants, so very very badly, to feel something.
pain is a choice for him, always a choice. he alone has the privilege of deciding whether or not anything can touch him.
he could try to let more strangers touch him. one night stands, discreet arrangements. he had a pretty face and a body to match. there was no shortage of willing partners.
he lets them touch him, lets them hurt him. lets them drool over his body and use it at their leisure. they tell him he's beautiful, and he believes them.
white hair, blue eyes, sprawled out with a lean, unmarred body full of bare flesh for them to bite and scratch and bruise. he finds people who will do it, do it hard, fuck him up until he's lost entirely in the feeling of being touched, having someone against him, with him, above him.
it makes him feel like a piece of meat. it makes him feel good.
or he thinks it does, anyways.
sometimes, when he's gone particularly long without sleep, when his partner has gone particularly hard, he gets a real rush.
heart racing out of his chest. a cold sweat that overwhelms him. breaths coming in labored gasps. he can heal himself, he's physically fine, so this must all be in his head.
he acknowledges that information, distantly, like it's not happening to him. it doesn't help.
it feels like part of his body has been ripped away from him, something vital and important, and it's about to get up and run away.
always, always, it happens when his partner is no longer touching him. when he lays alone in the sheets, by his own volition, because of course these partners are not meant to be attachments.
love is not a privilege, though, not for the strongest sorcerer. it's a curse.
it's the only curse which infinity cannot protect him from.
so gojo stays untouchable. distant.
but the hunger doesn't go away. never.
he likes to imagine that suguru swallowed this one last curse before he died. something sweet and bitter, like losses at the arcade, sunny days at the beach, walking together with shoko, nanami, haibara.
but even suguru couldn't have absorbed this curse. it's in his bones, deep, longing and wanting even after he's dead and gone.
gojo is hungry. he is so, so hungry. and he has nothing to eat that will not leave him just as empty as before.
touch-starved. love-starved. pain-craving.
if someone could hurt him then it wouldn't matter that he was terrified of attachment. they could latch onto him, into his heart, under his skin. bury themselves in his chest like they belonged.
they could kill a hundred and twelve people and it wouldn't matter, because he wouldn't be able to kill them.
gojo is hungry, so hungry.
please feed him.
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen gojo#satoru gojo#gojo smut#gojo character study (?)#touch-starved gojo MY LOVE#i refuse to believe this gojo is not canon#light stsg but when is a gojo fic NOT hinting at stsg#gojo x geto#gojo x jogo? less unlikely than you think#okay i lied he doesn't REALLY want to fuck jogo - he's just really really pathetic#gojo is just a silly little guy but he is actually a sad clown who annoys people to avoid emotional intimacy#tw: mental health#gojo is coping and he is coping POORLY#it's building up to gojo x reader but that would be a lot for a piece i wrote in thirty minutes so it ends here (for now?)#stay tuned for masochist sukvna because let me tell you. ALL my favorite men are masochists. thats simply canon i dont make the rules#he's begging you please hurt him. please show him he can touch another human being. please remind him he's real.#tw: panic attack
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Since Minthara presents an exterior shell made of steel, and she's sometimes mean, and is an absolute badass in battle, she is often treated and perceived as someone who feels no emotions. And this often occurs to individuals who do put on such a tough exterior. It also does not help that many people perceive evil characters as incapable of doing or feeling anything other than evil. That love and evil are innately incompatible.
But Minthara is not emotionless, she does feel things. Sadness, grief, fear, loneliness, anger, anxiety, paranoia, vengeance, love. She can laugh, she can tell jokes, she can cry, she can smile, and she does get upset at things. If anything, she is emotionally repressed and emotionally guarded and the times where she does really express her more negative and vulnerable emotions is when it becomes too much to hold back and it comes out a little over the top. We have to remember she comes from a society in which such outward emotional expression would be rewarded with social punishment, religious scorn, or even death. So she really doesn't have the healthiest mechanisms to express her emotions.
She hides what she feels all the time as a means of keeping herself safe from punishment. She keeps it to herself cause she does not want you to see her as weak, as she would have been in the past. And she certainly does not want you or anyone else to punish her for it either. She hides behind little pet names and even using words from languages she knows you don't understand as that is the only way she feels safe being vulnerable with you. In her past, her love was rewarded with new wounds and new scars. She is terrified to open up to you, fearing that you will hurt her because she loves you. That her love for you won't actually be enough to stop you from hurting her. And she will only ever admit she loves you in contexts that have a high risk of death because there's really not much for her to lose at that point so she may as well tell you.
She also has a habit of intellectualizing what she feels and experiences so that they appear as "rational" and "logical" rather than emotional and to distance herself from her emotions. She says it takes a sharp mind to have sympathy for someone who suffers unnecessarily. She is trying to make it appear that emotions like sympathy is a matter of the mind, not the heart. That it is a mark of intelligence, because otherwise it would be the mark of weakness.
She blames herself for her own torments, like she deserved the awful things that happened to her. She frames the situation like she is more at fault and more deserving of blame, than the people who hurt her. It is the only way she can find any reason in what happened to her and any reason in her tormentors actions. That she did something wrong and induced someone's wrath upon her, rather than acknowledging that the person who hurt her is just a bad person.
She deserved what Ketheric and Orin did to her because she was "weak, passive, proud". That her emotional state had blinded her from the trap that was set, giving Ketheric and Orin ample opportunity to attack her. That if she hadn't felt those exact emotions, then it wouldn't have happened. She could have seen the trap coming, or she could have fought back.
Or if you attempt to tell her that her childhood was rough and her mother abused her, she immediately deflects by saying, "it could have been worse" and therefore, what she did actually experience wasn't really that bad. And yeah, sure, maybe she needed certain lessons given that she lived in a cruel and dangerous society like Menzoberranzan where she had to be prepared for violence at all times. But trauma is not born of love, it is born of fear, of pain, of agony, and her mother still tried to kill her. Regardless of her mother's intent, it was the first broken bond of trust and it left a mark on Minthara. Where she began to believe that her mother would torment her for torments sake, and she had doubts on whether or not her mother actually loved her.
When you encounter the first Orin imposter, it's pretty damn obvious she is terrified. And you kinda gotta squeeze it out of her to admit that she's afraid. Where it's "I'm afraid of Orin because she is capable of this, this, and this, and you should be too" rather than "I am afraid of Orin because she hurt me." And she begs you, BEGS, to keep her safe because she knows her fear makes her vulnerable to Orin.
She doesn't even truly acknowledge that she wasn't at fault for what Orin did to her until Orin is dead. She doesn't start putting the blame on Orin until Orin is dead. She doesn't go through the emotional process of sympathizing with herself until Orin is dead. And she doesn't admit that she undoubtedly has trauma, until Orin is dead. She gets so wrapped up, and so lost in her own fear and paranoia that she never has the room to properly process the things that happen to her. That her primary concern right now is keeping you, the others, and herself safe and her emotions can wait because wallowing in them will only make her weak. Only does the distance of death give her the room to start healing. Only problem is that there have always been threats and they never end, they never stop. So it is rare for Minthara to ever have a moment of peace and safety to work through what she feels and they just get backed up. Ignoring your problems does not make them go away.
So you wanna know what will happen when an embrace Durge betrays her? She will fall to her death, a knife in her belly, blaming herself for your betrayal. All her worst fears have come to pass and you were indeed a lover who hurt her because she loved you, and that she was a fool to ever trust you at all. That if she didn't love you, maybe you wouldn't have hurt her. She doesn't understand your reasoning, she can't make sense of it, she doesn't know why you'd betray her, so it must have been her fault for thinking you'd be different. That if she hadn't been so loyal, so devoted, that she could have been spared. That her belief that you would rule together is what damned her. She will die blaming herself for her own murder before she ever gets a chance to start blaming you.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#some people genuinely act shocked when minthara does express her vulnerabilities and show emotion#as they truly believed she was incapable of having any emotion at all#because people think evil = heartless monster#guys - evil and emotion are not mutually exclusive#i remember talking about how minthara will cry if origin karlach chooses not to go to avernus#and people were stunned because they didn't think minthara capable of *feelings*#and they didn't believe me until i provided video evidence#or the endless Reddit debates reminding people that her being cruel to others#does not mean she is cruel to you because she quite literally would never#she would let you hurt her before she ever hurts you#i'm just gonna say that if you approach someone who is so emotionally repressed#and treat them as if they're incapable of emotion - or that their rare show of emotion is bizarre and out of character for them#you are telling them that you will invalidate how they feel and you are not a safe person to express emotion around#and they will continue to repress how they feel in your presence#please - let minthara feel things#she feels a lot and she feels too much
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You know, Caster Gilgamesh really likes Ritsuka, doesn't he. And I mean really really.
It's kinda low-key (of course it is, it's fucking CasGil), but when I had this epiphany I went back to some scenes with him and. Huh. It's true.
He sees himself as a guide for humanity. Hell, he's the one who kickstarted the Age of Man. And Ritsuka turned out to be the kind of human he likes.
Of course, Ritsuka is a completely ordinary, unremarkable human, having lived on peaceful times. No exploits, no breakthroughs in any field. Also definitely subpar as a mage. You'd think Gilgamesh would see them as nothing more than an ant, maybe even less.
Even so, it was Ritsuka who stood up on times of hardship and decided to fight. It's Ritsuka who refused to give up, Singularity after Singularity and Lostbelt after Lostbelt. It's Ritsuka who continues to pick themselves up and run, defying gods and Beasts and whatever the world throws their way. It's Ritsuka who carries the flag of humanity now.
And I think CasGil appreciates that a lot. Rather than leaning on the exploits of great figures, he thinks that Ritsuka's struggle holds far more meaning. If even the most ordinary person can stand up and achieve impossible things, then isn't that the perfect proof of the Human Order's value? Isn't that the perfect rebuttal against the fate imposed by the gods?
It makes me think of his Valentine's Day scene, actually. Instead of a physical gift like Archer Gil, CasGil chose a boat tour throughout Uruk, a city that houses plenty of memories for both him and Ritsuka. I wonder if he acknowledges that Uruk lives within them, too.
#and that's nothing to say of how much guda genuinely adores casgil#please do correct me on this but I believe casgil is the only one who guda addresses by 王様 (ou-sama)#their general behavior around him is so cute lol#someone draw gudako in that meme with the caption “me when gilgamesh tells me to do something” for me#i'll give you 300 yen#fate/grand order#fgo#fujimaru ritsuka#caster gilgamesh#casgil
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TRUTH or DARE : look at the camera lovingly with your honey dipped eyes. you cannot laugh.
bonus, starring the three guys who were not paid enough to witness this:
#dk#dokyeom#lee seokmin#seokmin#lee dokyeom#seventeen#svt#seventeen gifs#userirlvernon#*mine#my gif#if this flops i'll deactivate /j#please someone come tell me i'm funny thanks <3#......./hj#would you believe me if i said originally i had plans for a vernon gifset and got sidetracked by this loser (affectionate)#such is the way when ur also a massive fucking loser
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apparently im not all that wicked since i chose to rest rather than work on this so its a bit late buuuuuut
aint no rest for the wicked moment :}
technically its Ain't No Rest for the Wicked AND The Man With the Skeleton Arms; the cashier in anrftw is also the guy who got burned in tmwtsa [these abbreviations i stg]. I named him Hymn from what I remember
[Its a redraw of my art from last year of the song!!! old version below cos i think the change is fuckin WILD honestly]
im not usually insanely proud of my art. at most im content with it [covered in content you could say.....ha.ha] But damn im hella proud of that glow up thats insane to me. thats like made by two whole sepearate ppl to me what
[[also also the basic color palette i used in the new one is that aroace flag i made using the video thumbnail :} a fun lil thing to me idk]]
#bonus points to those who saw the og art when i first posted that a YEAR ago#you know who you are [& i likely know you as well at this point]#CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?? recognizing an art when it came out a YEAR AGO???#we've been here so long what the hell#anyway i had this song on repeat all day yesterday i love anrftw sm#chonny jash#cj singles#cj anrftw#-atlas art-#lmk if it needs any certain tags for smoking or a gun pointed to the screen or anything btw#idk what it properly needs so please tell me if it does need a tag!!!
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literally when has another ship given as much as bakudeku has. when has another ship encompassed so many tropes all at once while also having the relationship develop the way it has???? sometimes i’m just like dumbfounding by the depth that exists between them like they’re not just childhood friends, they’re not just rivals to lovers they’re not just starcrossed they’re not just punk x nerd or jock x jock or nerd x nerd or whatever the fuck they’ve gone from best friends to broken to fixed to i would die for you x i would kill for you like????? the nicknames???? the fact that katsuki has never told deku to stop calling him kacchan even when their relationship was at their lowest???? the fact that he was carrying his all might card with him the whole time???????????? the fact that izuku is so defensive he unlocked new powers multiple times because of kacchan and katsuki is so defensive he was willing to die TWICE for izuku?????? even the smaller things, all might rooting for them, aizawa saying his whole thing about how the two of them push their entire class to go above and beyond,, house arrest boys???? ohhh my goddddd like i know we all know but i can’t stop thinking about all of this all the time 😩😩😩
#i still cannot believe that the story has developed to a point where bakugou is so open and honest about his feelings#and dekus still out here ‘controling his heart’ MFER PLEASE TELL US HOW YOU FEEL IN RETURN#BOTH OF YOU SAY IT TO EACH OTHERS FACES#kacchan held izuku when izuku passed out in his arms and now izuku is holding kacchan in his 😩😩#i’m sorry no shade but no other ship in mha is this multidimensional#just the depth of their individual characters combined with their history and the development of their relationship???#UCH I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT#honestly having trouble coming up with another ship in GENERAL that has this much going for them like they’re insane#being a bkdk makes you insane#me whenever someone calls them siblings: what da hell are you talking about#bakudeku#bkdk#dkbk#dekubaku#my stuff
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tged webtoon ep 157 spoilers and thoughts but also a good amount of panel dissection that might be overanalyzed but i couldn't stop thinking about it so just let me yap okay it plagued me all weekend
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i am so serious when i say this entire episode gave me like. so much worry and anxiety over the characters that i made myself upset thinking about it . the only thing saving me is everyone's fun expressions in this and specifically this panel of javier
HES SO SILLY CUTE PLAYING WITH THE SUMMONS THEYRE ADORABLE EEHEHEHEHE
anyway . to the brainrot
i think this panel of lloyd turning his back to javier, immediately after telling javier to go on break for a while, was the first little indicator of "oh no" for me
it really worried me that he said this, especially when they've been working together so much on their journey, so this was tiny little moment of "oh boy whats going on,,," for me,,, idk if anyone else felt the same but i had a feeling i would Not be ready for this ep. and i was right i was absolutely not ready
and then we hit the montage of javier going around the estate and observing how much the land has changed, and i really loved that!! it was really heartwarming seeing everyone, smiling and achieving dreams and stability in a way that the fronteras hadnt seen in a long time (hell i was convinced "oh everythings fine nvm" 😭)
some of my favorite panels in that sequence heehee bayern and his kids this was really really sweet WAAAHH
JAVIERS EXPRESSION HERE WAS SUPER FUNNY TOO absolutely gonna use this as a reaction image
ALSO THIS STATUE OF LLOYD ADHAHAHAHAHDFAHA IM PRETTY SURE IT IS RELATED TO IF NOT THE SAME AS THE STATUE IN CPSM they do have different poses so it mightve had to be rebuilt or something but either way . lloyd statue where he's near naked for some reason in the middle of frontera estate. a wonderful center piece good work team
AND MY BABY BOY SOLITAS he finally managed to create something im so proud of him GOOD JOB BUD!! THE CARVING IS BEAUTIFUL!!!
it just hit me as im typing this that they also say "[project name] complete" not sure if this is a translation thing or if it's something they picked up from lloyd saying "construction complete" but if its the latter thatd be REALLY CUTE
also that panel of tordes by the mines he looks genuinely . satisfied and happy?? the guy punished to work for the fronteras for over 100 years is having a great time LMAO
AND THIS PANEL OF JAVIER
THIS MADE ME SMILE SO WIDE
it's really really pretty, and javier can see that. he can see that the estate has grown and changed into a strong and capable place, and he echoed this in the last chapter but it's really worth celebrating this. so many accomplishments, in so little time, with so much efficiency. frontera estate has been raised from the ground up and seeing it all accumulated was so so beautiful,,,
so seeing this panel absolutely devastated me
the contrast is STRIKING. all of the brightness and light and warmth of the street javier is in is only seen in partial rays streaking in. lloyd is alone, surrounded by books and in a darker corner of the panel. isolated, facial features unreadable and working by himself,,, refusing to see or ignoring all of the accomplishments behind him.
it's like he's falling back into old habits. that workaholism that kept him alive when he was only kim suho in korea. in order to survive, to keep up, to stay afloat, to stay ALIVE, you must keep working. go to the next project, the next problem, the next assignment, and everything will be fine. only then will freedom be yours to have. only then will you be free of this responsibility you bear for those you love.
but he really doesn't need to do that anymore! he has a whole estate of people who will follow him to the ends of the earth, because he's proven himself to be capable of protecting them. he has parents who love him, despite his changes, despite his past, who have grown to believe in him.
he has his beloved knight, who is waiting for him to call for aid. who only needs a glance or a word to lend a hand. who is waiting for him to come outside and just SEE all that he's done. to celebrate, to have peace. to enjoy home. to simply be at home, together.
"when will you be able to come here...?"
javier, protagonist that he is, sees all this light around, and it's peeking into this library that lloyd is in, wondering where the engineer is, but his nose is to a book. because he is working. and that's,,, scary to see. there's a level of distance already taking shape because of old habits, and i don't know if either of them realize it
and like you look at the panel javier is in one more time and you can see, there's kids playing as javier and lloyd! they even have matching hair, and the dog is colored exactly like ppodong. super cute! but it worries me that they're on opposite sides of javier.
said this earlier; this is probably an overanalysis and this probably means nothing. it really is a cute lil cameo of some kids in town! but the fact that they are split like this is eating at me. ppodong-dog is on javier-kid's side, when ppodong is lloyd's summon? and again, they're on opposite sides of javier, will they join back together and keep playing? lloyd-kid is ahead of javier-kid, will he run on ahead without looking back? it's so cute and yet it's making me anxious!!! am i overthinking???
anyway, this split and the two panels contrasting each other like this filled me with so much nervousness that i had to close my eyes and just breathe for a little bit
then we see arcos and marbella talking about lloyd and it's clear they're worried about him, still unsure of where these changes in behavior came from and yet accepting it nonetheless because god dammit theyre good kind people
and when we see lloyd he looks,,,
tired, and disheveled, and still only thinking about working on the next thing. he keeps going on too, like there's nothing currently wrong with this; he's probably used to it, handling everything without a moments rest. the count and countess even mention it at the end of the episode
and when he treats the formal frontera attire lightly and scurries off again, it's like a final nail in this sinking coffin. honestly, i think early lloyd probably would have said similar things to try and skirt the count's attention, but this scene in combination with lloyd being depicted as separated from lloyd, appearing exhausted from continuous work, as well as the following panels of lloyd leaving,,, it fills me with anxiety and dread.
face shrouded in the darkness of the hall, so his features are unrecognizable, just like the library panel. who is that? is it suho or is it lloyd speaking right now? where are you going, into that darkness by yourself, shying away from the light you've brought to this estate? you don't have to do this alone.
and this long, looming distance stretching between him and arcos and marbella. stretching further as lloyd marches onward and alone, working by himself, away from the moments of peace and celebration that his family and his estate bring. into the dark. it's a little haunting to me.
these panels did a really, REALLY good job at solidifying this growing degree of isolation that lloyd is putting himself into, intentionally or not (for lloyd and for the artist lol). he's getting out of reach in his desire to protect everyone, to complete this responsibility he gave himself for the estate.
it's almost,,, backwards? in a way? in the early webtoon, there's a panel where suho is shown trying to reach for a light in the darkness. he believed that if he kept working towards that light, he'll find a way out of this hell he's found himself in, and so everything would be fine. here and now, it could be that he still thinks that this is the case, when it's in fact the opposite. he's brought this light to the estate, but he's putting himself in the dark (and alone, at that) in an effort to reach for the "next light". i don't think he realizes it. this makes me really, really sad. jesus christ well done artist/adaptor
what is it all for if you won't even rest? if you won't turn around and look at all these people who need you around? and not need you as in doing work for them, but need you as in wanting to be with you, and cherishing you, and spending time with you, and simply loving you. yes, time is short and yes, fate is looming, but all this effort to fight those things is still making him lose this connection he has with the estate. he doesn't have to do this alone,,, he doesn't have work endlessly. take a BREAK LLOYD
and by the end of the episode it's to the point that arcos and marbella have realized that that's not lloyd frontera. that's someone else. and gods their faces are DEVASTATING
eyes shadowed, irises blank and lost. they're not frowning deeply, but i can feel the upset layered in. is it disappointment or is it grief? i can't really say for sure, but man,,, man.
anyway yeah i hope u guys understand why this episode gave me anxiety LMFAO
i am so so so sorry for the overthinking/overdissection in this post but my brain started connecting things . whether or not they make sense or if it's just being nitpicky is impossible for me to see so. yeah take this however u will
i actually also briefly saw someone on twitter say that this wasn't in the novel? which is interesting and also a little scary i hope lloyd will turn out alright AHHH
i really hope next episode everyone will be alright ,,, please i cant take this much emotional twisting and turning im gonna lose my mind
see y'all next week or in the next shitpost,,, whichever comes first
#tged#the greatest estate developer#tged spoilers#lloyd frontera#javier asrahan#arcos frontera#marbella frontera#lynn misc#lynn yaps#<- im gonna use this for the posts where i feel like i happen to actually say something kind of worthwhile for once LMAO#also sorry this was posted so late! i went to an anime convention#i saw a handful of booths selling orv fanmerch . i believe tged will make it to that level one day <- insane levels of copium#ay please tell me if i am overly picking apart these panels btw sometimes i get carried away w these#when will you be able to come here... <- LOUD WAILING LOUD SOBING IM NOT OVER THIS BTW#i felt insane. i felt like i was put in an automatic towel wringer and squeezed#sorry if u already saw my minithread abt this ep on twt btw i rehashed some points from there onto here#minithread was essentially a preview of what i was thinkin for my tumblr post LMAO#so ya if u want more timely posts from me find my twt...
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I love Lilia but also it is kinda crazy to me how he borderline negatively affected his ‘kids’ and fandom is okay with it because at least he’s not like riddles mom!
#I put kids like that bc it includes Sebek#but like. you cannot tell me Lilia hasn’t caused some psychological trauma to silver Sebek and malleus#I’m a strong believer that Lilia caused them trauma#no im not just projecting because he reminds me of my mom and my dad why would you ever say that#LISTEN TO ME GUYS I PROMISE ☹️☹️☹️ HE PUT THEM THROUGH SO MUCH WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG I CANT POSSIBLY BE THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES IT PLEASE GUYS#💛!me talking💀
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The whole aww he’s chasing/hitting you because he likes you thing that people teach young girls is so fuckin gross and backwards like “men hurt you when they like you” is a message we need to get rid of
#abuse isn’t love#teach your boys to keep their hands to themselves#and teach your boys that if they like someone they need to be nice#also teach your little girls to speak up for themselves and tell someone when something like this is happening#please#the things you teach your kids early on become the foundation for who they are#I sincerely believe that being told someone is bullying you bc they like you as a kid plants the seed#for the belief that mistreatment means affection#it sticks with you#it did with me anyway
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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#I can't believe my computer broke just a couple of days before the new chapter came out.#Not to be dramatic or anything but this was my last straw#It means everything to me 😭😭😭 My puter has my whole life in in. And endless resources of everything#That's why people tell you to backup stuff 🤦🤦🤦#Okay before I get too dramatic it's not gone like I can turn it on just fine.#Except there's no cursor to be found anywhere and I can't find a way to fix it#(Yeah it's not the f4 key I've tried that. Repeatedly)#So since there's no way to turn the puter off without mouse I had to kill it the hard way 4-5 times today#(aka every time I tried turning it on again in hope everything got fixed on its own)#And when I turned it on again five minutes ago. IT DIDN'T START NORMALLY. AND IT ASKED THE SYSTEM LANGUAGE AND STUFF#I lost like. Half my lifespan. I was terrified it got formatted out of nowhere and I had lost everything#It didn't. It seemingly is fine (from what I can see from my desktop).#But man I really didn't need this kind of stress on top of average exams depression#Idk what to do... I want to go to the guy in my dorm who studies computer science but it'd be the third time I ask him for help–#and I'm a little embarrassed now. Asking for help sucks in general#But I don't have money to pay consultation...#I think there is a chance my touchpad just worn out since. Like. I use my computer extensively#But even that seems a little excessive? Not even the buttons work. I've only had this computer for three or four years...#Anyways I don't have a physical mouse. And I can't spend money to buy it when there's a chance that wouldn't fix the problem. Ughhhhhhhhhh#random rambles#If I stop posting in the next days. It's simply because I can't 😭😭😭#Goodbye people please keep posting ss kk for me
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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"The Bible is so sexist blah blah blah" okay. When it talks about how you can avoid doing stupid things in Proverbs it uses a man in its examples and personifies wisdom as a woman though which I think is pretty funny
#christianity#nevermind all the verses that are literally lauding women and commanding men to honor and respect them and treat them as equals...#nevermind the fact that the first three people to see Jesus after the resurrection were all women...#nevermind the fact that His first convert was a woman...#nevermind the fact that when a woman who'd been caught in adultery was being quite literally attacked and ridiculed by religious leaders#Jesus came and told her she wasn't evil or a failure or worthy of death and He rebuked the men who were attacking her...#He shoved their own issues back in their faces and told them that they had no right to think themselves any better than her#especially since she actually felt and understood the weight of what she'd done and wanted to change and they didn't...#but sure yes go on tell me more about how i'm “oppressed” by this and how God hates women#do you not think He might like women considering... yknow... He made them and included eve in the “beautiful and good” in genesis??#why would He make something He doesn't like...#please note i am not saying this to make fun of men in the slightest bit. that's not the point. i'm making a joke#but i do think the fact that it personifies wisdom as a woman is interesting#like i'm not sayin' y'all need to read it cause it's uh. it's somethin' but song of solomon??#like yeaaahhh i think judging by that one women are intended to be seen as pretty cool and good and whatnot#like i know i talk about “i love my wife”-ism in media but uh. song of solomon takes it to quite another level#anyway!#regarding the “first convert” thing a guy named cornelius is generally accepted as being the first convert#because he was the first to be converted by the time Christianity was actually established as a religion#but if you imagine that the samaritan woman at the well was actually the first non-jewish person to believe in what Jesus said#then she would actually be the first real convert.
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