#please bear with me these guys are surprisingly difficult to draw...

[wardingshout]

the chill good timeline where Tora tries rly hard to make friends but kinda sucks at it and Chifuyu is unnecessarily mean to him

[txtdreamss]

mirrorball // [g.w.]

sequel to tolerate it

warnings: angst, fem!reader

summary: It’s been 2 weeks since George told you he has a date to the yule ball. As of now, it’s the night before and you are reflecting on your feelings for him and wondering if you can continue as his best friend.

word count: 1.5k

A/N: So, here it is! I am hoping to get this posted as soon as possible for those of you who wanted to see a part 2 to tolerate it. I had a really difficult time deciding on how I wanted to end this, and I really hope it pleases you guys (not sure I’m happy with the ending, but that is to be expected). Sorry in advance for any errors, as this is a one-woman show and I sometimes miss my own mistakes. :) Special thanks to @ajusquishy for being the first to ask about this addition to tolerate it!

*****

I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

The past 2 weeks had been the most difficult time of your life. George had been following Alicia around like a lost puppy, and even Fred was getting sick of it. Oddly enough, it seemed like George couldn’t get through one interaction with you without mentioning the girl’s name.

“Oh Y/N, we decided to match my tie to her dress!”

“Did you know she said I am the cutest quidditch player she has ever met?”

“I’m thinking about asking mum to knit her a sweater this Christmas!”

At first you could handle it. As his best friend of nearly 6 years, it was your job to handle it. Why didn’t that make any of this easier?

There wasn’t a change in George that you had neglected to notice. Hell, your heart dropped when he showed up with a new bruise after quidditch practice. You were the one who had told him to grow his hair out (and damn, was that a good piece of advice). George had even been with you when he chose his first pair of dress robes for merlin’s sake!

Molly Weasley saw you as her stand-in while the boys and Ginny were at Hogwarts. Of course, she didn’t know that George and Fred had grown in their pranking abilities thanks to your sugar-sweet exterior, but that didn’t change the role you played in the Weasley children’s life. You were the responsible friend who also just happened to lead a double life when it came to the twins.  It was thanks to you that they had received only 3 detentions this quarter, and it was their fault that you now had an affinity for “accidentally” leaving dung bombs in the outer pockets of Cormac McLaggen’s bag.

“Hey, Y/N... I haven’t seen you around much. You aren’t avoiding me, are ya?” George’s baritone voice broke you out of your thoughts. He settled his arms on the top of your head, and sighed deeply, letting his head drop. “Fred and I need your help figuring out what the best escape route from the dungeons is.”

“Go ask Lee, he can do some math too.” Yes, you were being harsh, but George’s presence was enough to shatter any semblance of self control you still had left.  “Now, if you excuse me, I have a study date with some ancient runes and Hermione.”

As you stalked out of the common room, George couldn’t bear to bring up how he hadn’t been able to come up with any solid pranks in exactly 14 days.

*****

You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes Spinning in my highest heels, love Shining just for you

Tonight was the night; your hair was curled to perfection, and the gown your mother had sent you was the color of holly. The heels you had strapped on were a matte black dusted with the occasional piece of red glitter. Despite the fact that George was not your date, you couldn’t help my let your thoughts drift to him as you got ready. Would he think you looked pretty? Would he think you looked as good as her?

Lee tapped you on the shoulder, and you steadied yourself before letting him gently grab your hand. “Don’t let that prat get you down. You look like a goddess, Y/N. Now, let’s go show Georgie what he is missing.” 

Lee was a great friend for doing this for you; he knew about your feelings (Fred apparently can’t keep his mouth shut), and immediately became set on helping you get back on your feet. He had become your greatest cheerleader as of late, and claimed that George doesn’t know it, but he definitely has feelings for you.

As you both walked into the great hall, you couldn’t help but let out a gasp. There were snowflakes and all types of seasonal decor strung up across the room, and it was almost like the room had transformed into a winter dreamscape. Fred and George had beat you there, already sipping punch with Angelina and Alicia.

“You boys clean up nice.” The twins and Lee let out a chorus of ‘hey’s, clearly displeased with your mockery of their appearances.

“Oi, I was betting 5 galleons that Fred would show up in his trainers...” George’s voice was surprisingly meek, almost as if he was looking for your approval with his jabs towards his brother.

The boys immediately began discussing their plan to spike the punch bowl with firewhiskey, and Angelina and Alicia launched into a conversation about where they had purchased their gowns. You felt more than out of place at this point, and decided to relocate after notifying Lee that you’d be fine on your own for a bit. Almost immediately after, Angelina went to distract McGonagall while Fred and Lee snuck under the table of refreshments.

You went to talk with Hermione and the younger trio, and were drawn into a lesson in muggle dancing.

“No, Ron, that is not how you hit the woah.” (I’m sorry I felt so inclined to include this cuz the image makes me chuckle lol).

“Well, ‘Mione, why don’t you and Y/N show us how this is done then?” Harry and Ron crossed their arms, and Hermione slipped her arm around your shoulders.

“C’mon, Y/N. You look like you could use something fun.” She dragged you onto the dance floor, and you both began dramatically spinning each other to the sound of your wheezing laughter.

If only you had noticed a certain red-headed prankster gazing at you like you had hung the stars in the sky...

*****

You are not like the regulars The masquerade revelers Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten

Fred and Angelina had taken to the floor as soon as the waltzing began. After watching them twirl to the crescendos of the music, you finally decided enough was enough. All it too was a look at Lee, and he understood what you needed to do. You slipped out of the doors to the great hall, and found yourself wandering amongst the carriages powdered with snow, occasionally stopping to draw shapes into the piles of flakes.

Following five-ish minutes of mucking about, you finally decided to sit on the steps that bridged the courtyard and the hallways. Snowflakes continued floating, but you quickly realized the droplets of water on your face were from small tears and not the weather. Sniffles escaped your nose, and you crossed your arms in a poor attempt to keep warm despite your lack of sleeves.

Out of nowhere, you felt heavy cloth drop onto your bare shoulders.

“Be careful, love. Ya look like you’re halfway to becoming an ice lolly.” George shuffled his long, lanky body onto the steps. You looked at him through your lashes, and he seemed almost squeamish.

“Don’t you have Alicia waiting for you inside? I’m sure she wouldn’t be thrilled to see you out here.”

“Bloody hell, Y/N, I think we have been pretty dense.” Confusion evident on your features, George let his larger hand cover yours. “I didn’t want to ask Alicia. I wanted to ask you.”

“What do you mean? You’ve been talking my ear off about how much you like her for weeks now...”

“I was trying to make you jealous.” Silence overtook the interaction.

“So you’re saying that we both have been blind to our feelings?” 

George let out a small chuckle, and pulled his hand away. To be quite honest, you felt like maybe you had been ignoring the signs: the subtle stares, the extended physical contact, the willingness to be there whenever and wherever you asked him to.

“I think we may want to start over and forget the last few weeks.”

“I think I would quite like that.” You stood up, and brushed the snow off your skirt before extending your hand towards George. “Well, George, the yule ball is in... now... would you like to be my date?”

“I would enjoy that a bunch, Y/N.” He took your hand, and pulled you into his chest. “May have a dance to start off the evening?”

“...There isn’t any music.” You chuckled, but George simply grinned at you before beginning to hum.

“Problem solved. So, may I have this dance?”

“You may.” You dropped your head into the nook of his shoulder, and George began to sway and spin you, leaving 2 pairs of footprints in the snow beneath your feet.

From just beyond your view, Fred, Lee, Angelina, and Alicia let out somewhat of a “oomph” and high-fived each other before turning to go back inside.

Shining just for you.

[gb-fics]

Dressed in Confidence

Fanfiction:

Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)

Note: So, you might have seen the self-cover Shou shared yesterday and it inspired me to write a fic right away. For the context: The character originally performing the song has a magic suit that makes him confident and popular with women. Please, don’t question how it works, we’ll just pretend a suit can magically change Shou’s appearance and personality in this fic ^-^ Also, if you haven’t seen the video, please check it out, because he is gorgeous in it and maybe it will make the story seem a little less random ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgzL_Ccmr1Y

„Just go over and talk to her already”, Yutaka urged quietly.

He didn’t know whom of the girls Shou had set his eyes on, but the glances he kept sneaking at the group of women opposite to their booth at the bar were more than obvious. Yutaka had waited to speak up until Jun and Kenji had went over to the counter to secure new drinks for themselves though. Shou was naturally self-conscious and Yutaka hadn’t meant to make him uncomfortable in front of the others. But his silent longing was becoming hard to bear.

“I can’t just do that”, Shou protested. Obviously, he knew what Yutaka was talking about immediately. He didn’t even seem surprised that Yutaka had noticed. “I’m not some kind of gigolo.”

Yutaka frowned. Although he was pretty good at seeing Shou through, he sometimes didn’t understand his reasoning anyway.

“Chatting up girls in bars and being a gigolo are two totally different things.”

Next to him Shou squirmed on the bench seat.

“I just don’t have that kind of confidence”, he whined.

“You are handsome, famous and you have money. Women have every reason to be interested in you. So, pull yourself together.”

Yutaka had lost count of how often he had given Shou similar pep talks already.

“I’m not”, Shou said right away. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I’m famous. And I do have money. But I’m not handsome.”

It was difficult to come up with the right reply to that. Yutaka never found the right words to talk about Shou’s looks.

“You should let them decide for themselves”, he pointed out.

Shou shifted his weight again. He reached down to check for the bag he kept on the floor between his legs. He had kept checking for it all evening, as if he was scared it might suddenly disappear.

“Please, if I go over there, I won’t even be able to look them in the eyes.” Shou winced.

Yutaka hoped that Jun and Kenji would hurry. The conversation was starting to make him uneasy. He didn’t know how to cheer Shou up without praising him, and he didn’t know how to praise him without making him uncomfortable. Being Shou’s friend could be difficult.

“What’s in the bag anyway?”, he changed the topic. Not the best solution, but at least a way to distract Shou from his self-pity.

“Ah, I wrote Party wo Tomenaide for that franchise, remember? They’re currently working on this magic suit and they gave me a prototype when I recorded the video for the self-cover. It’s supposed to make you cool and confident and popular with women.”

“And you brought it to the bar?” Yutaka hadn’t meant to let disdain sneak into his voice, but Shou pulled up his shoulders instinctively as if he wanted to shield himself from potential judgement.

“Just in case”, he said defensively. “We sometimes end up talking to women, when we’re in a group and I thought it might be a good chance to try it out. See if it even works. In case there is ever something I’ll need a lot of confidence for.”

Yutaka felt soothed to think Shou had only eyed the women as test objects to sate his curiosity about the suit and that he had not fallen in love from across the room. His tendencies in that regard were sometimes worrisome.

“Well then, give it a try”, he suggested. He had heard about the suit but hadn’t known Shou actually owned a prototype. He was curious, if it would work. Shou’s confidence could surely use an occasional boost and it would be great to no longer be the one responsible for it.

“If you insist”, Shou mumbled, but he was already fumbling with his bag. It was obvious he had only waited for some sort of permission.

He pulled out a suit coat and inhaled soundly before he got up. For a moment, he just stood there with the piece of clothing in his hands indecisively. Then he slipped it on in a surprisingly smooth motion.

All Yutaka did was blink and the next second, a completely changed person stood in front of him. Shou’s traditional Tamiya shirt had miraculously transformed into a silky, black suit. It even came with matching dress shoes. But it wasn’t just that. His hair had changed, too. It was styled in perfect shape and showed green streaks that made his look seem edgy and interesting. He was even wearing makeup that differed his usual style. A bright yellow flower stuck in his buttonhole.

Shou had transformed into someone so conventionally attractive, he might indeed start working at a host club.

Absent-mindedly he straightened his suit coat and turned towards the group of women.

He looked dazzling, but almost like a stranger.

Yutaka was surprised that he hesitated for so long before approaching the women anyway. He followed him with his eyes, curious how this would turn out.

Shou’s posture seemed straighter than usually as he walked through the room, yet he still managed to look awkward. He looked like a person who was arguing with himself about every step.

Finally, he stopped right behind a cute girl with bangs. Yutaka should have been able to guess it was her whom Shou had been watching. He would have chatted up her more light-haired friend, but when it came to Shou, she was just his type.

The girl didn’t notice him, though.

Shou just stood for a moment, although her friends had already noticed him. Seemingly, Shou had no idea how to draw attention to himself. He hesitated for far too long, before he reached out and tapped the girl on the shoulder. She flinched, which caused Shou to jolt in return and the whole situation was so awkward to watch, that Yutaka winced under his breath. The good looks and the confidence to approach women had done nothing for Shou’s coolness.

The girl turned around and even from across the room, Yutaka could tell that she seemed startled at Shou’s appearance. Her expression wasn’t annoyed but spoke of pleasant surprise. If a girl looked at you like that at first sight, it was very difficult to blow it.

Even from across the room Yutaka could tell that Shou would blow it.

Instead of looking at the girl while talking, he kept his eyes on the ground and his posture shifted, making it seem as if he wanted to curl back up into himself. He looked exactly as miserable and self-conscious talking to women as he had as a teenager. Everything about his body language radiated insecurity.

Yutaka sighed.

The woman shook her head. Instead of taking it with dignity, Shou managed to look even more miserable. Knowing him, Yutaka assumed he was probably blushing. He still didn’t make eye-contact.

After a very painful minute, Shou turned around and shuffled back to their table. He no longer seemed confident at all. His outward handsomeness remained, but it didn’t match with the way he carried himself at all.

“Sorry”, Yutaka said. “At least now you know.”

Shou sat down on the bench next to him again. Yutaka noticed that he wasn’t slumping down as usual, though, but sat surprisingly straight. It made him look taller and more self-assured.

“Too bad the suit is not working.”

“Oh, I don’t mind”, Shou said and turned towards him. His voice wasn’t as quiet and gloomy as Yutaka had expected. He spoke smugly. “I’d rather spend my time with you anyway.”

Yutaka eyed him suspiciously. The makeup suited him; his features looked more contoured and his skin smooth. His lips were always wide, but tonight they glistened invitingly. It was still Shou’s face, but the makeup brought out all its good qualities more strongly.

“What?”, he asked.

“Why would I waste my time with these women, when I can spend the night with a pretty guy like you?”, Shou asked. He was meeting Yutaka’s eyes head on. That was rare for him already, but tonight his gaze was challenging rather than stubborn.

Yutaka was so irritated by his unnaturally confident tone, that it took him a moment to realize what was going on.

“Oh, ha ha, very funny”, he said dryly.

“I mean it”, Shou insisted and placed his hand on Yutaka’s shoulder. He often did that, especially when he got tipsy and he had already had a couple of beers tonight, though by no means enough to justify him acting so out of character. His touch right now felt different, however. He wasn’t just seeking out body contact, he was using the gesture as an excuse to lean in, bringing them closer together. Suddenly, Yutaka was very aware of how close Shou was sitting.

“Let me buy you a drink”, he said, before turning around. Shou usually hated calling over the waiter and when they went to a restaurant together, he normally left it to the others. He was too shy and polite to raise his voice at strangers.

Now, he raised his arm and called out loudly: “Excuse me?” to make the young waitress turn around. “A bottle of champagne, please. Your most expensive one.”

The waitress nodded and headed off.

Shou turned back to Yutaka.

“Champagne? The expensive one? What’s gotten into you?”, Yutaka asked, still irritated. Before this, he could have written it off as a joke, but Shou would never waste money just to prank him. “You never order anything high-end.”

He still felt like he was talking to a stranger.

“Nothing but the best for my kitten”, Shou said.

Yutaka chocked.

“What?! What did you just call me?”

“Kitten”, Shou repeated. He sounded hoarse. His eyes trailed down Yutaka’s body and he didn’t try to hide the fact that he was shamelessly checking him out. It made Yutaka feel unexpectedly hot.

“Unless you prefer another pet name?”

And then Shou smiled.

It wasn’t a smug, cocky smile. His smile was warm and genuine and it looked just a little bit insecure as if he worried that he had crossed a line. It made Shou look shy and kind and charming. His teeth weren’t showing, but his lips seemed even wider and absolutely gorgeous and the small dimple on his left cheek didn’t seem as misplaced as usual, but it fit in perfectly with his handsome face. The smile turned him from a stranger into nothing but Shou, but the best version of Shou that he could possibly be. It was Shou the way he would look if he were no longer worried and self-deprecating; still shy but no longer scared.

Yutaka’s knees grew weak. But it wasn’t just his knees. It was his shoulders that suddenly held no tension anymore and his arms, that turned into butter and his whole body felt like it might just melt away when Shou smiled at him like this and called him cute names.

“Uhm”, he said.

“Your champagne”, the waitress interrupted them and Yutaka turned hastily, glad for the interruption that allowed him to clear his head. Something about this suit seemed to be working at least.

The waitress placed a bucket filled with ice on the table, that held a bottle of champagne. Steam was rising from the bottleneck, indicating that it had just been opened. Yutaka hadn’t expected it to be done for them already, but it was probably better that way. They would surely have created a mess otherwise.

The bottle came with four glasses and only their sight made Yutaka realize he had completely forgotten about Jun and Kenji. He wondered what was taking them so long.

“Let me get that for you”, Shou offered, although Yutaka hadn’t moved to fix himself a glass at all.

Shou placed his fingers on Yutaka’s wrist as if he wanted to physically stop him from helping himself. Once again, the gesture wasn’t untypical for Shou. He often touched people while talking to them, but this time, it had a different quality. Usually, his touches were distracted as if he didn’t really notice what his body was doing at all. But right now, he looked down on his hand resting on Yutaka’s bare wrist, and then he looked up, meeting his eyes, as if he wanted to make absolutely sure, that Yutaka became aware of the contact. His touch was fully intentional this time and Yutaka sensed heat creeping up his neck.

The touch lasted just long enough to not feel accidental, then Shou pulled back and reached for the bottle of champagne instead. He closed his long, slender fingers around the bottleneck firmly and took up a glass. His movements were secure and controlled. Yutaka had always admired Shou’s hands, that seemed too elegant and coordinated for someone who moved the way he did. But when it came to his hands, Shou always seemed to know what he was doing.

He poured a glass of champagne without spilling a drop and held it out to Yutaka.

Yutaka thought that with all the things that had changed, Shou’s hands had stayed exactly the same.

He took the glass and Shou held his gaze for a moment. It was Yutaka, who looked away first. Shou was wearing coloured lenses and his eyes were bright and intriguing. He didn’t seem in a hurry as he poured himself a glass as well.

Yutaka watched his movements closely. He could still recognize Shou’s way of moving, but he seemed less stressed and therefore less awkward. The only real difference seemed to be, that he was relaxed for a change and Yutaka wondered, if Shou would always look this sexy, if only he managed to put him at ease more.

Shou placed the bottle back into the bucket and held up his glass to Yutaka while meeting his eyes again.

“To a night full of fun”, he said. He said it like he was thinking of something dirty.

“To a fun night”, Yutaka agreed and clinked his glass to Shou’s. He did his best to make it sound less suggestive.

He emptied half of the glass in large gulps. The champagne made him feel bubbly inside, but he doubted it was because of the alcohol. This version of Shou made him nervous.

“Tastes expensive”, he observed lamely, although he couldn’t tell one champagne from the other.

Shou smiled again and once more, Yutaka thought that his lips looked stunning tonight.

“Oh, you guys ordered champagne!”, Kenji���s voice chimed in unexpectedly.

“When did you change, Shou? Is that the magic suit?”, Jun asked and pulled up his chair to sit down opposite to them.

Although Yutaka had hoped to be rescued from this weird tension, he still felt mad at them for interrupting.

Kenji placed himself on the bench next to Shou.

“He brought the suit to the bar to pick up girls, but it doesn’t work”, Yutaka declared maliciously. He was no longer sure if he was annoyed with Jun and Kenji for showing up, or for staying away for so long, or with Shou for acting so weird in the first place.

Shou patted the bench next to himself.

“Here, Kenji, come closer”, he said.

Kenji shuffled closer.

“Why?”, he asked. It was very much like Kenji to comply first and ask questions later.

Shou raised his hand and ran his forefinger across Kenji’s sharp jawline.

“So I can get a better look at your handsome face.”

Something inside of Yutaka constricted uncomfortably. He didn’t know why he felt so upset, but he couldn’t deny that he felt jealous of Kenji. Since the suit hadn’t worked on the girls, he had assumed it was only him having this effect on Shou.

“Oh god, what’s up with you?”, Jun asked, sounding seriously worried.

Kenji gave an embarrassed sound, but started pouring champagne for him and Jun as well without waiting for an invitation.

“The suit is turning him gay”, Yutaka explained nonchalantly and emptied his own glass.

“What’s turning me gay is sitting here with such cute guys”, Shou said lightly. He didn’t sound embarrassed at all. Rather than joking, he seemed flirting.

“That’s disturbing”, Jun said somewhat too loudly. “Someone get him out of this suit!”

Shou batted his eyelashes before looking right at Jun at the other side of the table.

“Please, Jun”, he said. “If you want to undress me, all you have to do is ask.”

Jun made a startled noise that turned into a mixture between a nervous laugh and a cough.

Yutaka placed his glass on the table too soundly.

Shou turned towards him. He leaned in closely.

“Don’t be jealous, kitten”, he said lowly. “I haven’t forgotten about you.”

Yutaka wondered how Shou had noticed his feelings without even looking at him, when Yutaka had troubles naming them himself. He felt oddly happy when he heard the pet name again. Shou hadn’t used it for Jun and Kenji. Maybe that meant something.

“I’m not jealous”, he lied and reached for the bottle of champagne. “I just need more alcohol, if you’re going to stay like this.”

He poured himself the rest of the champagne until his glass was so full, it nearly overflowed, before he put the empty bottle back onto the table.

Shou pulled the flower from his buttonhole. Up close, Yutaka could tell that it was a yellow rose.

“Here”, Shou said. When his voice was so low and deep, Yutaka’s body turned into butter again. He wondered, if Shou had the same effect on Jun and Kenji while wearing the suit.

“What are you doing? Get that thing out of my face!”

“Take it”, Shou insisted. “This one is only for you. To remind you, that you’re special to me.”

Yutaka hesitated. He wished Shou would sound joking, because a joking Shou was something he knew how to deal with. He still had the feeling that he was getting pranked, but he didn’t know how to avoid it.

He took the rose gingerly and placed it on the table plate demonstratively instead of keeping it in his hands. Shou’s facial expression was impossible to read. Yutaka could not tell, if he had offended him.

“It’s empty already?!”, Kenji complained. He had taken up the champagne bottle and studied it in disbelief.

“I can order another round!”, Shou offered right away and already raised his hand, but luckily, Kenji stopped him.

“It’s fine”, he said quickly. He seemed to be a little uncomfortable around this new version of Shou as well.

“Yes, I think it’s time we all go home”, Jun confirmed.

“No!”, Shou protested. “No, no! This party can’t stop! We have to keep drinking! Let’s celebrate all night.”

“It’s late”, Kenji pointed out.

“And you seem to need rest the most”, Jun agreed.

“You should take off this suit”, Kenji added. He spoke very gently, not like he was soothing Shou, but as if he was seriously worried about him.

“They’re right”, Yutaka said softly. He realized that he was worried about Shou, too. Tonight, he seemed unpredictable and possibly reckless. “Let’s pay the bill and then I’ll take you home.”

Shou turned and looked at him cheekily.

“I see, so you want to continue the party elsewhere.” His tone left no room for wondering what kind of party he had in mind.

“What? No!”

“I’ll take you to a fancy hotel”, Shou suggested and this time, he leaned in so far that Yutaka involuntarily pulled back. “Just give me a chance. If you let me, I’ll make you feel things that no woman has ever made you feel before.”

Yutaka’s neck felt hot again and now his face started to heat as well. He thought of everything that entailed. He thought of feeling Shou inside of him.

“Just let me try”, Shou coaxed, but he no longer sounded flirtatious. He sounded like he was begging. The despair in Shou’s voice scared him. He didn’t know what to do with it.

“Shou”, he said as sternly as possible and grabbed him by the shoulder to push him back. It felt like dealing with someone, who was very, very drunk. “It’s really time you take off that suit and get some sleep.”

Shou pulled back from his touch and wrinkles were showing around the root of his nose. The lines made his face look so characteristically himself, that Yutaka felt almost relieved.

“I don’t want to”, Shou said and finally, he sounded like his stubborn self again. “I don’t want this party to end.” He seemed to be repeating the words like a spell now and gestured towards the table as if he wanted to include everything. “I don’t want this night to end. I want to stay with you all night.” He gestured towards himself. “Like this.”

Yutaka didn’t fully understand what Shou meant, but his emotions seemed so raw and honest, it pained him anyway.

“You can’t, Shou. You are not yourself.”

Shou hung his head.

“I am”, he said. “I am.”

“Hey”, Yutaka said gently and touched his arm. Jun and Kenji stayed out of the conversation like they always did, when Shou turned difficult. It was only ever Yutaka, who managed to soothe him. “You need some rest.”

“Fine”, Shou agreed reluctantly. “But you have to take me. And I’m keeping on the suit.”

“Okay.” Yutaka sighed. He figured they could argue over the details later. He looked up at their bandmates. “Why don’t you guys go pay? We’ll pay you back later. I’ll make sure Shou gets home safely. Maybe the fresh air will help.”

“Alright”, Jun agreed. The fact, that neither of them argued about splitting the bill immediately although it contained the expensive bottle of champagne proved they were all irritated by Shou.

“Come here”, Yutaka said as gently as possible and took Shou’s arm to pull him up from the bench. “Let’s get you home.”

Shou followed without resistance. He picked up his bag, that was now empty and allowed Yutaka to guide him over to the front door of the bar.

It was colder outside, although the temperatures were warm enough that they didn’t need a jacket. The cold air cleared Yutaka’s mind a little, but finally getting some distance to Shou certainly helped as well. Inside the bar, he had started to feel dizzy.

Yutaka pulled out his phone and opened an app.

“I think I’m going to call us a cab, alright? We can’t take the train with you looking like this. Also, you might try to pick up random guys, if we don’t get you home straight away.”

“You’re jealous again”, Shou observed and this time, he sounded gleeful.

“I’m not”, Yutaka muttered and requested a ride before putting the phone back into his pocket.

When he looked up, he realized Shou was standing awfully close again. The suit seemed to be making him taller as well, because Yutaka had to look up to him slightly. Maybe it was just his straight posture in combination with the heel of the dress shoes though.

“Have you heard of personal space before?”, he complained and took a step backwards.

Shou took a step forward immediately. If anything, he was standing even closer than before.

“Sorry, that my handsomeness is making you nervous”, he said with a sleek grin. Yutaka had not thought that to be sentence he would ever hear from Shou unironically.

“Uh”, Yutaka said. He had been meaning to deny it, but Shou’s face was so close now, that he forgot how to say words.

“Shh, kitten”, Shou said quietly. He reached up and cupped Yutaka’s face with both hands. His touch was gentle but very secure. Yutaka could sense how bony and strong his fingers felt. They were surprisingly cool.

He knew that he was supposed to pull back, but he stood frozen, and he felt guilty for that. He knew that Shou was not himself and it was up to him to keep the situation from getting weird. But truth was, that he liked the way Shou touched him and he liked it when he held his gaze for so long and he liked it, when he called him kitten.

“Don’t”, he forced out softly anyway. “You can’t just do something like that in public.”

They were the only ones out on the street, but someone might walk out of the bar any moment. Anyone could see them.

“I don’t care”, Shou said. “I don’t want to worry about who could possibly see us. I’m tired of always worrying. I just want to kiss you.” He paused. “May I?”

Yutaka knew exactly what the answer was supposed to be. Under no circumstances could he allow this to happen, because it was reckless and dumb and moreover immoral.

“Yes”, he whispered.

Shou leaned in and kissed him with astonishing force. His kiss wasn’t hesitant at all. He kissed like he knew what he wanted. His lips were soft and his hold on Yutaka was firm. It made him feel very safe and oddly frail. He parted his lips and allowed Shou to kiss him like no one had ever kissed him in a public space before. Their teeth clicked together and Shou’s nose brushed his cheek and when he pulled back eventually, Yutaka was out of breath.

Shou looked at him and he broke into that sweet, bashful smile again, that looked so much like him, except lighter and happier than Yutaka had ever seen him before.

For a moment, he thought that he might just give in. He considered going back to a hotel with this new version of Shou, who would hold him in his strong arms and whisper sweet nothings into his ear and kiss him full of confidence. Yutaka would grow weak in his arms, because he was handsome and cool and self-assured.

But it wasn’t real.

“Stop it”, he said as gently as possible as Shou moved to lean in once again. “This is no good.”

“We can go somewhere more private”, Shou offered immediately.

Yutaka shook his head.

“It’s this suit. There is something wrong with it. It obviously works on men instead of women. It’s making you weird. You need to take it off.”

“No, no, please”, Shou said and he reached up instinctively, clawing his hand into the lapel of the suit coat as if he was scared Yutaka might try to tear it off. “This suit is not changing me. It’s just making me more confident. It’s … This is me. This is the version of me that’s in my head. It’s who I want to be. All the time. I don’t want to … I can’t let this end. I want to stay this version. I don’t want this party to end.” Vaguely he gestured back to the bar.

“So, you want to be someone, who promiscuously hits on all of his bandmates?” It had been meant as a joke, but it came out bitter. The way Shou had touched Kenji’s face made their kiss just now meaningless – regardless of whenever it was the suit or something Shou repressed violently.

“I want to be someone who is at terms with and open about his sexuality”, Shou blurted out.

Yutaka was pretty sure that the surprised was written all over his face. Before tonight, Shou had never indicated liking men at all.

“I want to be able to joke about it”, Shou said. “I don’t want to hide from the people closest to me. But most importantly, I want to show you how I feel. You’re the person I …”

He finally let go of his suit coat and his arm dropped down by his side as if he no longer had the energy to gesture at all.

“I wanted to try if the suit worked. I thought, if it does, I’d one day wear it to tell you. I wasn’t meaning to do it right away. Things got out of hand. I was scared of this night ending, because … I don’t know what will come afterwards.”

Yutaka licked his lips.

“So, you …?”, he started, but didn’t know how to finish the question.

“Yeah”, Shou confirmed. “I love you. And when I’m wearing this suit … when I’m wearing it, I’m cool and handsome. I’ll keep wearing it. And if you give me a chance, I think I can make you like me a little too. You allowed me to kiss you like this. You are at least somewhat attracted to me in this suit. I can be this version of myself for you. I’ll keep being it.”

Yutaka shook his head slightly.

“What are you going to do?” He wasn’t mocking Shou. He was sad, because Shou sounded so desperate. “Keep wearing the suit in your sleep?”

Shou shrugged and smiled helplessly.

“I hope they’ll design magic pyjamas soon”, he said.

Yutaka looked at Shou and all he saw was a handsome host. He had no idea where the despair in his voice was coming from. It was as if he couldn’t see below the pretty surface at all.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”, Shou plead. “I confessed to you. Don’t I deserve an answer?”

“Please, take off the suit”, Yutaka said. He suddenly felt exhausted. He was tired of dealing with this person in front of him. He just wanted to talk to his friend. “I want to give you a proper reply, but I can’t when you are wearing this suit.”

“It makes me better”, Shou insisted.

“This …” Yutaka gestured towards Shou and the green streaks in his hair. “I feel like I’m talking to a stranger. I need to make sure it’s really you.”

Shou looked at him for a long time and Yutaka was convinced he would decline. But then he nodded and slowly took off the suit coat.

He blinked and then Shou was already different.

He was back in his Tamiya shirt, his arms bare and pale and awkwardly holding on to the suit coat. His hair was blonde again and looked uncombed because he had run his hands through it early this evening. His face was flushed and bare and his eyes were tiny, but dark and so much warmer than when he was wearing coloured lenses. He kept his eyes cast down and yet Yutaka had the feeling he was seeing them for the first time tonight. He seemed small, hunched over once again and his head too large for his shoulders, making him look frail and in need of protection.

Yutaka felt a giant wave of affection rushing through him and he had to stop himself from wrapping his arms around Shou.

He had missed him. He had missed him so much more than he had ever expected. And he thought that this awkward little guy with the small eyes and the messy hair was the most beautiful version of a human being possible.

“Hey”, he said quietly.

Shou looked up briefly, but he didn’t manage to hold his gaze for too long, just as it had always been.

“Hey”, he replied.

“Do you …?” Yutaka broke off. For a moment, he considered that Shou might have forgotten about everything that had happened tonight. “Do you still feel the same? Without the suit?”

“Yeah”, Shou confirmed. “The same. Plus, an awful lot of regret for saying it out loud.”

Yutaka chuckled.

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” Shou looked down onto the suit coat in his hands. His hands still looked the same. “I behaved awful tonight. Sorry for putting you into a position like this. Let’s just forget I ever said anything. In fact, let’s just forget about this entire night.”

Worried lines were showing everywhere on Shou’s face. His face looked all weird and wrinkly. He looked like his old gloomy, over-thinking self again.

“I should probably burn this thing to make sure I never do anything this stupid again.”

“You probably should”, Yutaka agreed.

Shou had looked happier when wearing the suit, more relaxed. Yutaka wanted him to look this happy always, but he knew they’d have to find a different way for that.

“Sorry”, Shou mumbled again.

Yutaka paused for a moment.

“Though, if I’m honest, I’m going to miss you calling me your kitten”, he confessed jokingly.

Shou looked irritated. Yutaka let him suffer for just a few seconds more.

“I’m also going to miss you kissing me”, he added.

Shou looked up and sucked in his lower lip. His teeth were showing visibly. He looked by no means conventionally attractive and Yutaka loved him for that.

“Really?”, Shou asked insecurely.

“Really”, Yutaka assured him without hesitation.

Shou started smiling and it was the same smile as before. The warm one with the cute dimple, that made his lips look gorgeous and that was shy and hesitant, but finally happy without a trace of worry. And Yutaka thought, that they were going to get there and that they wouldn’t need a magic suit for it at all.

“We can always work on that”, Shou said. “Right, kitten?”

[imma-lil-teapot]

TMNT 2003/2K3 Headcanon: Crying - (Raphael)

Feel free to scroll past this first part if you’re not interested in my silly rambling and nonsense. I won’t mind. Promise. ;)

Alrighty then, lockdown has officially started here. :/ *Unenthusiastic streamers fly* Oh well, look what we have all the time in the world for: WRITING! *Enthusiastic streamers fly* Not too much extra to add in this regard since the last headcanon (thanks a bunch for the likes btw, guys :D ), so I guess we’ll just get right into it. :)

Please bear in mind that I’m SUPER rusty! Haven’t written in ages so there are bound to be typos and all matter of general errors scattered throughout the post. Don’t pet them! They bite!  

Anyhoo~ Despite attempting to create and share with the goal in mind to uplift spirits, I decided to start on a rather upsetting subject (PLEASE DON’T LEAVE! They end on happy notes ;) ) because, Imma just come and say it, I enjoy seeing my favourite characters shed tears (not for just any old reason -their personality plays a huge role in this- and CERTAINLY not for sadistic reasons, land sakes no! But… well, you’ll see~ ;) ) It makes me all gooey and fuzzy inside to see them display such raw emotion and I just wanna leap into the TV screen to hug and console them. I dunno why. Maybe I’m nuts like that. (Remembers Raph crying at the farm when Leo was badly injured and wishes she could just hug them all and take away the pain) Oh well, if you enjoy visualizing the same, then *High Fives*. :)

So yeah, if you read the title, you’ll know this is based on the 2003/2k3 series (my favs). Hope you all enjoy~ :D Grab tissues cause sad turts ahead! :’(

Jibber jabber stops here~

TURTLES~

LEONARDO

RAPHAEL - You are here

DONATELLO - Coming soon

MICHELANGELO - Coming soon

WARNING(S): Because of the subject, Angst and Hurt/Comfort will be present.

RATING: G (General)

WORD COUNT: Uhhh... *Shrugs shoulders*

ANYTHING ELSE TO ADD:

Well, you’re just gonna have to scroll down to find him, Master Splinter. ;) I really didn’t know what to add so... *Shrugs* And look at da squishy Turtle Tots, dey so cuuuuute!!! <3 

TO THE HEADCANONS~~~~

~RAPHAEL~

– With his infamous hotheadedness and quick capacity for battle, it’s of course natural at first for one to expect Big Bad Raphie-Boy to be completely opposed to the very thought of crying. He is the resident ‘tough guy’ after all.  

– However, this notion couldn’t be farther from the truth: sure, he can be brash, quick to temper and lash out at those that give him enough incentive to, but underneath that rockhard exterior beats the heart of a real softie, and when something truly upsets that tender muscle, you can bet Mr. Hothead’s not going to try too hard to keep the tears at bay. 

– He’s as passionate as he is headstrong, and reining in such powerful emotions proves to be difficult at most times for him, so out of the four of them, and given the right circumstances, Raph can be surprisingly easy to get the tears flowing.

-- He’s no crybaby by a long shot, mind you, but he also knows that holding back on the waterworks is pointless and makes one just feel worse in the long run. If you’re going to cry, just cry. Simple as that. 

-- Like all of his brothers, Red can’t handle the thought of losing any of his family and close friends. It tears him apart inside and he’ll desperately attempt to protect and prevent anything terrible from happening to them, but when it does, he’s an emotional wreck and doesn’t always know how to handle his distress.  

– His initial reaction is to be by their sides before becoming outraged, and depending on the different situations, it’s not uncommon for him to also nag and pass remarks at the injured brother(s). It’s the only real way of expressing his fear of losing them before dampness starts forming in his eyes.

– Despite his tough guy front, he’s not against crying in front of his family and friends at all. He knows his place and doubts a few tears will have them seeing  him in a different light, particularly his father/master and brothers for they’ve seen the worst in him on many occasions. 

– It’s only when a particularly harsh meltdown wishes to happen does Raph choose to spare them the sideshow; he knows it’s not a pretty sight, so before the sniffling begins, he leaves the Lair and heads topside for some much needed air.

– He chooses the nearby rooftops as his destination; the ideal location to let go of the ever building waves of raw emotion that continue to grip at his chest, and by the time he makes it up the fire escape ladder, he spares little time letting out a rough growl in frustration, kicking an air vent a couple of times for good measure.

 -- With some rage and frustration now out of his system, he heads on over to the brick wall and turns his back to it, roughly sliding down into a sitting position and exhales a dismal sigh. As he subconsciously replays the earlier events through his mind, he finally allows the next phase of his sorrow to surface unbridled. 

-- He dolefully holds his head in one hand and balances it on a single knee pad as the tears now begin to flow freely.

– They instantly soak into his mask, and he grits his teeth as he feels the surges of emotion wrack his entire body. He doesn’t characteristically whimper or sob when crying, but he coughs a lot, and his nostrils leak like a faucet, forcing him to frequently sniff and snort just in order to breathe. This is the very reason why he refuses to really break down in front of the the others; not because of his tenacity, but because he simply finds the whole affair gross. His family certainly didn’t need to hear him constantly hacking up a lung and sounding like an untuned trumpet every time he blew his nose.

– The episode doesn’t last too long, though, much to his delight, and after some more thorough nasal clearing, Raph then wipes at his still somewhat wet eyes and mask before drawing out another -now exhausted- sigh. 

-- He’d begin gradually twirling a single sai around whilst he collected his thoughts. It felt more natural to keep his hands busy than have them being static when he was feeling this way. As his demeanor altered, so did the actions he performed with it.  

– He wouldn’t return to his family just yet for there was still some brooding left to be done... At least that was what he’d convinced himself he was doing. He wanted a clear head when he returned so for now, he’d remain in place on the rooftop in the crisp air with the city bursting with life just below him. 

-- He had to admit, it was certainly the best place for him to be with his thoughts. Comforting in fact. A true New Yorker at heart.

BONUS EXTRA~

– Aside from having everyone special to him perish, one of Raph’s greatest fears is his inability to fully control his own temper. On more than one occasion has it gotten out of hand and thus resulted in him injuring his own brothers, and it had shaken him to the core each time. 

– He’s come to the realization that he is his own worst enemy when it comes to reigning in his own inner rage, and it uneases him immensely that it could happen again and he’s fully aware that the probability is higher than he cares to admit. The more he concerns himself with it, the more it upsets him and thus, the tears of frustration start. 

– Fortunately, his bros are there for him and can tell when he’s feeling low about it. They know the best course of action is to have a light-hearted conversation about it with him and offer their reassurances... With Mikey of course adding his own two cents on the matter in his unique Mikey style, which usually involves poking fun at his brother in red and causing Raph to go from broody to enraged in record breaking time. Just how it should be.

– Not only is Raph A-okay with crying himself, but he’s often first on the emotional support committee to offer the shoulder of comfort to his friends, amazingly enough, and he’s actually pretty decent at it too. Though, not for absolutely everyone; he has his limitations when he knows someone’s really just blubbering for attention.

– He wasn’t always so accepting of shedding tears, though: as a very young Turtle Tot, he often thought of it as being too ‘babyish’ for him to do and thus despised it whenever something happened to cause him to tear up. 

– It took Master Splinter a rather surprisingly lengthy amount of time to change his perception of crying. No amount of explanations on how it was a perfectly natural expression of emotion would sway his son. 

– It got so out of hand that Raph would be in utter denial about crying right in front of his father, even while the latter would be staring at his tear-stained face directly in front of him. “M‘not cryin’,” the little Turtle would sniff. “Cryin’s fah sissies.” 

-- Splinter could only sigh and shake his head as he knelt down to embrace his son. When could he feel that Raphael would not fight the closeness, he’d give him the same lecture again, and Raph would finally succumb to his emotions and sob into his father’s robe whilst Splinter comfortingly rubbed his shell.

-- He could only guess that his words finally got through to his son for ever since that day, Raph’s entire attitude had altered for the better on the subject.

BONUS EXTRA EXTRA FEMALE READER OR S/O EDITION~ (Can also use an OC/FC insert if you wish, up to you)

From the moment you entered the Lair, you could clearly see something was up; Mikey was nursing an obvious wrist injury with a bag of frozen peas and hovering around Donny’s work area, complaining about the swelling to the purple-banded Turtle, who appeared to be paying little attention towards his ‘younger’ sibling as his back was turned.

"Hi, (Y/N).” 

You visibly jumped at the voice behind you and briskly turned, only to meet Leonardo’s placid form, and he swiftly apologized for the start. 

After the formal greeting, you gestured with a thumb in confusion at the former scene with an added, “Do I want to know?”

The leader’s facial features altered to a more serious aspect. “The end result of testing Raph’s patience,” he offered, which instantly had you more than a little concerned. Sure, Mikey could come off as being annoying, but to go so far as to physically harm him? 

“Are you sure it’s not worse than ‘just a sprain’?” You overheard the injured brother asking Donny, whose focus remained on a contraption of sorts you couldn’t quite make out on his desk.

“Yes, Mikey, you’ll live,” he responded with just a hint of weariness. “But no swinging your nunchucks around for a coupla days,” which was met with a typical whine in response from his patient. 

“It’s really not as bad as he makes it out to be,” Leo then added, turning your attention back towards him. Though you didn’t express it, you were grateful to hear the good news.

"Where is he now?” 

“Topside most likely.” Of course. It didn’t surprise you in the least that Raph had chosen to head there and you quickly set a course for the surface. “Need an escort?” The leader in blue offered, to which you politely declined. You knew he needed no further explanation. 

As you pushed back the manhole cover and made your way towards the nearest fire escape ladder, you were unable to put aside the various speculations as to why your special Turtle would hurt his own brother... Well, you would be kidding yourself to say you didn’t have at least one very plausible theory in mind, but as you neared the top of the ladder, the guesswork was instantly dropped and replaced with trepidation for you knew how Raph felt about injuring family. 

To put it simply, you were going to be dealing with a very dejected Turtle, and true to form, as you peered over the top of the building, the iconic emerald green hide and red mask tails met your sight. 

This was Raph’s favorite spot to gather his thoughts after all, so it was a no-brainer decision to begin the search there, and it was clear as day that it was exactly what he was doing for he made no effort to acknowledge your presence as he remained seated against the wall in a slouching position and gaze locked out front. 

As expected, he appeared to be moping. “Hey, Raphie,” you greeted, clambering over the wall. 

You were unable to tell if he had been aware you were nearby for he made no prior indication but instead merely replied with a gloomy, “’Sup, Kiddo?” No movement whatsoever. 

It amused you whenever he chose to refer to you by that nickname, especially since you were both the same age, but as you ambled on over towards him, you were left anything but amused as your former notion was set in stone when you caught the telltale signs of wet stains under his eyes. “You okay?”

“Peachy.”

It wasn’t the first time you had witnessed ‘ol Red crying, but it didn’t prevent your heart from breaking all the same. Something about seeing the bullheaded bad boy in tears left you in a real state of dismay, so without invitation, you seated yourself next him, affectionately leaning against his side, but before the consoling could begin, you had to gently ask, “You wanna tell me what happened?”

“Ugh, it was so stupid! Mikey wouldn’t quit goin’ on n’ on about beatin’ me in the Battle Nexus tournament and kept rubbin’ it in our faces about becomin’ the champ,” he exclaimed with shockingly little provocation, sniffing loudly. “I jus’ got so sick’ve it this time, an’ it’s not like we neva duked it out before or nothin’ but... I went too far this time, (Y/N), ya know?” 

He still refused to look at you as he began to wipe away some fresh tears that were forming in his eyes.

Your assumption had been correct all along; you acknowledged full well how Mikey’s triumphant achievement grated on Raph’s last nerve and how the orange-banded Turtle would seek out every opportunity to gloat about it in a bid to purposely provoke his ‘older’ brother. “Well, you know Mikey, Raph,” you said, not quite sympathizing with the actions he took, but rather offering some support. “He tries to get under your shell on purpose.”

"Yeah, I know, but... Dat’s no reason ta clobber the guy. Not like that, anyway” You noted how his voice gradually lowered grievously and you couldn’t stop yourself from placing your head on his shoulder. 

“No, it isn’t, but...” you knew you were grasping at straws by this point, but still offered, “They say it’s not as bad as he makes it out to be.”

He sighed dolefully. “I lost control again, (Y/N),” and you could feel the vibrations beginning to surge through him. “No matta what I do, I jus’... I jus’ can’t...” He trailed off, wracked with emotions as he covered his face with one hand and allowed the tears to fall, a cough slipping here and there.

You heart bled for this boy, and more than anything right then, you longed to relieve him of the pain, so you did the only thing you could think of: be right there by his side, comforting him through the breakdown. “Oh, Raph. It’ll be okay,” you calmly whispered, slinking an arm around his carapace and shoulders, bringing him closer and lightly squeezing his bicep with your free hand. “It’ll be okay.”

He leaned into the much needed support and continued to allow his misery to flow forth. You didn’t mind in the least for it was exactly what he required in order to heal, and you would be there for him every step of the way.

AND THAT’S A WRAP!

ALL THE FEELS!! I EMBARRASS!!

WOOT, that’s Turt number two completed! Sorry it took a little longer than expected; I still feel rusty with sentence structure and all and am not entirely pleased with the outcome, but I did feel an improved ‘flow’ from the first so maybe things are slowly coming back to me? Or maybe it was the scenario; it felt more natural o write than Leo’s... Maybe cause Bloo Boi’s my fav Turt and I felt added pressure with his?

Oh well, Donny Boy’s next~

Thank you all so much for the read and hope you enjoyed~ :D

~Drag0n Mistr3ss’ Random Fandoms*

[imnotwolverine]

Intermission

Henry Cavill x OC Lisa - multi-chapter fic

Author’s note: Oh you guys! This chapter has been a bit of a headache. It just kept dragging on and on, making me delete like 70% and then rewriting most of it. So please... “bear” with me - hehe. Have a lovely weekend!

Word count: 1.572

Disclaimer: fluff and smut

--

This is part 17 of the Tea for Two story

You can find the Masterlist here. 

--

< Go back to part 16

‘So is he..good? In bed?’

Gary, my one and only gay friend moved up in his seat so he could better assess my reaction, a glass of expensive whiskey rolling in his well manicured fingers..

We were sitting on a black, well-worn leather couch in the small living room that he and my other friends shared. Around us a dozen others were hanging about, chatting and drinking in celebration of the 30th birthday of one of our friends. Friends whom I had not seen in over a year. And boy had I missed them. And boy were we growing old now.

‘Well..?’ Gary’s excited voice awoke me from my deafening stare. I sniffled softly and looked at Gary, his eyes sparkling in wonder. 

‘Oh..he is.’ I smirked.

‘Details woman! We need details!’ He exclaimed, stretching his arms in exasperation, almost letting his drink pour over the edge of his tumbler glass.

I shrugged and took a long sip of my wine, stretching the moment to further annoy him, eyeing the few others that were quietly listening in on the conversation. Gary rolled his eyes, gesturing me to speak with large exaggerated hand movements.  

‘Whatcha wanna know?’ I finally quirked.

‘EVERYTHING. Oh come on. The internet’s filled with gossip. We need to know! Big, thick and uncut, true? Experimental? Dominant? Kinky? God of cunnilingus?’

‘GOODNESS GARY..where have you even found all that..’ I hesitated a moment. ‘..stuff..?’

I couldn’t really say nonsense now, could I? It was all kind of true.

‘HA! So they were right!’

Gary knew me too well.

‘Oh! GIRL! I’m so jealous. Oh my god. Is he interested in sharing? Threesome maybe? Hmm?’ Gary rattled in excitement.

‘Gary..I know what you are aiming at, dirty old friend. And I’m afraid I’m going to have to disappoint you. He’s not very into..sharing.’ I sniffled.

‘Darn.’ He playfully tapped his leg as he fell back, the leather couch whiffing as he crossed his legs in utter defiance. ‘I’d TOTALLY give bi-sex a try if he’d even just..think..about it, you know.’ He shrugged, taking another sip of his drink.

‘Did you two move in together already?’ A girl I didn’t know jumped in, stopping Gary from further cross-examining my sex life.

‘I…guess.’ I offered them a hesitant look. ‘It’s a bit hard to tell, since we’re almost constantly travelling, moving both our belongings from one place to the other every few days or so…I tell you: that’s a LOT of tooth brushes and weekend bags of clothes…’ I laughed.

‘Must be difficult.’ She said, curling her lips in an awkward smile. I shrugged. ‘It’s okay. A bit exhausting at times, but well worth it. Especially since we get to experience it together.’

‘So you’re practically always together? Looks like someone’s gonna get married soon!’ One of my other friend sniffled, leaning in and poking my arm playfully.

I gasped, swatting my hand at his arm. ‘Hardly! We’ve been together for a little over half a year now. That’d be a bit too quick, no? Besides I bet Henry wouldn’t rush such a thing, since it’s so all important to him.’

Right? Or no? My mind faltered as my friends grinned, obviously not agreeing with me.

‘Yea..and I bet YOUR ass he’s looking for a ring right as we speak.’ My friend chided, sticking out his tongue as I gave him a warning look.

‘Or thinking of baby names..’ Gary laughed.

‘GUYS! COME ON! Give a girl a break will ya?’ I blushed, taking a quick sip of my wine.

Babies? Babies…

I quickly continued. ‘And just so you know; he’s well aware of my stance on marriage and..rings, my darlings.’ I stated. ‘Now enough about Henry. I want to hear about you guys!’

The boys snickered a bit, then agreed and soon enough the conversation flowed on as they spoke of their plans to finally move out of this dungey apartment, about funny things that had happened at work, about the closing down of one of their favourite pubs and some new upcoming video games and movies. Just like the old days.

Drinks filled our bellies as the hands of the clock seemed to spiral at lightning speed, nerdy conversations filling the air, the clock way too soon striking 4 AM - about time to call it a night. Our minds fuzzy and our laughter filling the otherwise gloomy, quiet apartment block, we said our goodbyes, my tired ass plopping down on the makeshift bed on one of the couches. Also like the old days.

Oh how I had missed them, my sweet, Dutch friends.

And how I now missed him.

My dear sweet henry.

As had become second nature by now, my fingers dug my phone from my pocket while I laid down on the couch, looking if I had any messages. The screen brightened the now dark living room and my eyes quickly moved to Whatsapp.  

“Good night dear.” He had sent about an hour ago.

I felt my lips curl up in a gentle smile and texted him a kissing emoticon back, staring at the bright screen for another minute or so before the alcohol in my veins made me so drowsy I fell asleep right then and there, phone still in hand.

—

The next day.

Back in London it was surprisingly nice out, a soft spring sun warming the small backyard of Henry’s Mews home. I was sitting on the small wooden bench, drinking tea with Henry right beside me, his eyes intently staring at a live soccer match on his tablet.

I had long given up any attempts to get into soccer, my eyes instead focused on New Spring from the Wheel of Time series (I had found this massive collection on Henry’s bookshelf and thought I might as well give it a try).

Henry sighed softly as the referee blew his whistle, ending the not very exciting match. ‘They played a draw.’ Henry yawned, stretching himself out like a big cat, his body weight making the bench wobble dangerously. I hummed, wobbling along with the bench as my eyes remained trained on the book.

He looked at me for a moment before he stood up, kissing me on the forehead. ‘Can I get you anything?’ He tried. I shook my head, keeping my gaze fixed on the pages, not wanting to miss the exciting passage I was reading. ‘No?’ He teased, lowering one of his hands in front of the book, while his other hand cupped my chin. I looked up at him with question, only to be met with a cheeky grin.

‘Hi love.’ He smiled. ‘Hi sexy.’ I chuckled, peeling the book from his hand and moving it to the corner of my eye so I could continue reading. He shook his head, letting out a low chuckle as he tilted my face a bit more, planting a sweet kiss on my lips. ‘Well.. I’m going to clean up the house a bit. Leave you be with your new lover.’

I rolled my eyes, quickly reaching for his hand before he could walk away, lifting myself up so I could plant another kiss on his lips. ‘I love you,’ I smiled against his lips. He hummed. ‘I love you too my little bookwurm.’

—

After some 30 minutes he still hadn’t returned. I had just finished another chapter and got up. 

Walking into the kitchen I realised it was suspiciously quiet downstairs. No Henry in the living room. In the garage. In the bathroom. I moved to the hallway and heard some soft shuffling upstairs.

Didn’t the cleaner come like..two days ago? What was he doing?

I walked up the creaking stairs, finding Henry in the bedroom, surrounded by piles and piles of boxes with clothes in them. I quirked my head in question while he looked up. 

‘What’s going on here? Spring cleaning?’ I grinned. He smiled broadly. ‘I’m making some space.’ Then nodded at the suitcase that held all my clothes. ‘Mmmkey… you really don’t have to do that you know.’ I pointed at all the boxes. ‘I’m going to have them stored. They’re too small for me right now, anyways.’ He got up, stepping forward so he could wrap me in his arms, placing a loving kiss on my slightly agape lips. He looked at me for a good moment, his tongue darting over his lips as if he was nervous.

I chuckled.

‘Okey..ask that burning question on your tongue.’

He gave me a knowing look, then enclosed me even further to his chest, moving his thumbs so he could rub soft circles against my temples, his eyes peering into mine. 

‘My dearest Lisa. I’m having such a good life with you. I can simply not handle being without you….’ He looked at me intensely, making my heart skip, my mind racing. What was he going to ask? Wasn’t it too soon? WERE MY FRIENDS RIGHT? PLEASE NO RING.

‘Would you move in with me?’

Oh thank the ...

‘Yes!’ I blurted out, a little surprised myself as the words escaped my lips so abruptly. He laughed giddily, picking me up and swirling me around. ‘Yes yes yes! Hahah. I am glad.’ He smiled, his pearly whites stretching from ear to ear. ‘Oh bear.’ I sniffled, wrapping my legs around his hips to give him a more demanding kiss. ‘I am more than glad.’ I whispered sensually, my hips rubbing enticingly against his groin. 

--

Part 18 > 

[syntaxeme]

One Good Turn ch. 5 [end]

[Read on AO3] | [First Chapter]  Rating: M Story summary: Angel’s clean streak is broken when Val forcibly calls him back to the studio. On principle (and not at all out of concern for Angel's wellbeing), Alastor takes it upon himself to free Angel from Valentino's control. But what started as a simple favor becomes something much more complicated, all because of an innocent thank-you kiss. Note: I did have another chapter planned for this story, but I’ve gotten so thoroughly invested in my Giardino Segreto AU that I don’t think I’ll ever get around to it. Besides, this isn’t a terrible place to leave off!

— — –

Angel’s back was pinned against the wall in the hotel’s abandoned excuse for a ballroom. The room was mostly dark, a little light from the setting sun bleeding in through dingy windows while he lazily observed one of his fellow patrons trying to make a move on him. The other demon was a little taller than Angel himself, a little broader, and he used his extra bit of height to his advantage, leaning forward against the wall to bear down on Angel.

“You talk a pretty big game, sweet thing.” His name was some kind of music joke: Jazz or Ska or House or some shit. “I’d sure like to see you put your money where your mouth is.”

“I can think of better things to put in my mouth,” Angel snickered. As the other demon grinned and reached up to pet his cheek, Angel slapped his hand away and went on, “But your dick ain’t one of ‘em. Fuck off and find someone else to bother.”

“Are you serious?” Maybe-Jazz growled. “You sit there makin’ offers all through Charlie’s sessions but you won’t follow through?”

“Offers? Please. Look, I ain’t serious about any of that shit; I’m sayin’ it to fuck with ya, not to actually fuck ya.” This wasn’t the first time he’d had to explain this over the past week or so, but truth be told, he was kind of enjoying having the freedom to say ‘no’ (not that his sex drive wasn’t as strong as ever, but he’d gotten pickier about who he was willing to spend it on—a lot pickier).

“Well I’m not into being teased, so maybe you better reconsider.” Jazz snaked an arm around Angel’s waist, incorrectly thinking this was a situation he could brute-force his way through. As if his vague bullshit threats were anything compared to what Angel had been through in the past.

Cute. His body moved almost by reflex, one hand grabbing Jazz’s shirt to reverse their positions and shove him back against the wall. His other hands reached into his jacket and drew out a matching set of three pistols, pressing one to Jazz’s temple, one to his chest, and aiming the last at his crotch.

“Which trigger should I pull first, ya think?” Angel asked casually, enjoying the shocked and disarmed look on the other demon’s face. “You could probably live without your balls, but I feel like you don’t get much use outta your brain, either.”

“Hey, cool it,” Jazz grumbled, raising his hands in surrender. “You know killin’ me’d set back your redemption plan pretty far.”

“Ha! You must not know me very well, sweet thing. I’m a backslider from way back; wouldn’t be the first time my virtues got a little blurry.” After another moment of enjoying the tension, he released the other demon’s shirt and took a step back. “But fuckin’ you up isn’t worth listenin’ to Charlie gripe. So how ‘bout you get the hell outta my face and we call it even?”

“Fine. Shit.” With a bitter, disappointed glance in Angel’s direction, Jazz shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked out of the room. Angel twirled his guns once before tucking them back into his jacket. He was just in such a good goddamn mood lately, and he didn’t have to wonder why; true to Alastor’s word, none of Val’s guys had shown up at the hotel since their little ‘chat,’ leaving Angel free to enjoy his independence and sexuality—or lack thereof!—whatever way he chose. Since he’d been working for Val so long, it was refreshing to be back in control of himself now. And he hadn’t forgotten for even a second who he had to thank for it.

Alastor had been acting a little weird since then, though. Looking at him funny, not responding to his playful flirting right, and then there was that word—cher—he’d started using. Angel might not have the best grasp of French, but he was pretty sure he recognized that term. Enough to know what it meant but not what it meant.

As he strolled out of the ballroom Jazz had dragged him into without warning, he found Alastor standing outside, clutching his staff tightly in both hands. “Angel,” he said a little too cheerfully. “How are you? I thought…well, I could’ve been wrong. It sounded like you and Jazz had a bit of a disagreement.”

“Is there anything in the hotel you don’t hear?” Angel tried hard not to think about how many times he’d moaned the Radio Demon’s name into his pillow over the past few nights.

“Not much.” Alastor’s default expression didn’t shift in the slightest. It wasn’t easy, but Angel was making a point of learning to tell one smile from another. How else would he ever learn to read the cryptic bastard? “But you look fine. I suppose you took care of it.”

“Y’know, it’s pretty cute, you gettin’ all protective,” Angel said with a knowing grin, “but don’t start thinkin’ I can’t handle myself with jerk-offs like him. I’m not gonna ask you to step in for me again any time soon, don’t worry.”

“Right. Of course! No, I know you’re perfectly capable of defending yourself.” He was doing it again, getting all awkward and distant for no reason, avoiding Angel’s eyes, his usual smooth attitude stuttering a little.

Angel Dust had never been much good at quiet contemplation or impulse control, so instead of keeping his concerns to himself and giving Alastor space, he asked directly, “What’s goin’ on with you?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Bullshit. Don’t act like you haven’t been lookin’ at me different since you got back from Val’s place.” Or maybe it was the kiss. “You act like you’re happy to see me, you start talkin’ to me like normal, then you clam up all of a sudden and run off. You were always a little weird, but you’re weirder lately, and I feel like it’s got somethin’ to do with me.”

It bothered him more than he wanted to admit to think that Alastor was mad at him or something. Despite his best efforts at resisting, Angel had developed a sort of attachment to him, weirdness and all. Maybe out of gratitude. Maybe something else. He already knew better than to expect Alastor would ever start feeling something similar about him, but he’d thought they were at least on some kind of friendly terms.

The Radio Demon was silent and still for just a moment too long, and Angel let out a frustrated sigh, throwing up his hands and starting past him toward the elevator—but Alastor caught his hand to stop him.

“If anything I’ve done has made you feel like you’re in the wrong, I’m sorry,” he said plainly. “I’ve been keeping my distance while I decided how to talk to you about this. And, obviously, I haven’t had any luck. Now might be as good a time as any.”

“For what? What d’you want to talk about?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Alastor seemed to realize he was still holding Angel’s hand and released it. “I’d rather have the conversation in private, if you don’t mind. We could use one of the conference rooms or—”

“Isn’t your room closer?” Angel asked, raising his eyebrows, and Al’s throat constricted with a reflexive gulp.

“Yes. That’s also fine. If you like.” He turned on his heel to lead the way down the hall to room 313, then held the door open and gestured for Angel to go ahead. The room was surprisingly minimalist, not reflecting the beaucoups of personality that showed every time Alastor opened his mouth. But that was better than the hellish horrors some other Overlords might decorate with.

“So what’s the deal?” Angel’s instinct was to seat himself on the bed, but he resisted it, not wanting Alastor to think he was being pushy.

“The question seems simple enough, doesn’t it? Yet as hard as I’ve tried, I can’t seem to answer it as clearly or eloquently as I’d like. That’s part of the reason I haven’t mentioned it to you; I felt there was no point bringing it up until I actually had something to say.”

“Funny. Most times, it’s a lot harder to make you stop talkin’.”

“Believe me, I know exactly how unusual this is,” Alastor sighed, releasing his staff and letting it vanish, “which is most likely why it’s been so difficult for me to form it into a complete, polished statement.”

“Give it to me messy, then.” Seeing how rigid Alastor had gone, Angel winced and tried again. Sometimes his mouth just formed innuendos without any effort on his part. “I’m sayin’ I don’t need it to be super-organized and flawless. Just tell me what you’re thinkin’.”

The Radio Demon took a deep breath and, without looking anywhere near Angel, confessed, “I want…you. That’s the clearest way I can think to say it.” He wrinkled his nose and shook his head, obviously frustrated with how inelegant the words were. But they were enough to hold Angel’s attention regardless.

“Oh.” He was about to ask Alastor to elaborate but quickly realized that was the part he was having trouble with. So he asked a different question. “When’d that start?”

“Roughly twenty-four seconds after you kissed me,” Alastor said matter-of-factly.

“After? So that’s not why you helped me with Val?”

“No. I don’t think so, at least. And I didn’t want you thinking so, either. But then—” He choked out a laugh. “I don’t have a definitive answer for why I did that, either, so maybe I’m fooling myself. It’s hard to say.”

“Well, if you can’t tell me what ya want, it’ll be awful hard for me to give it to ya.”

Red eyes lingered on Angel’s lips, and Alastor wet his own. “But you’re willing to agree, just like that? Without even knowing what I’m asking for?”

“Al, I’m gonna be totally honest with you,” Angel said, drawing closer and bending down a little to meet his gaze. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a little bit of a freak. I figured I was wastin’ my time, thinkin’ about gettin’ with you—”

“You’ve been thinking about that, have you?”

“—but I’m pretty sure whatever you wanna do with my body, I’ll enjoy it,” he went on, draping his arms over Alastor’s shoulders, not missing the shiver that went through the Overlord’s body. “I trust you.”

Those were apparently the magic words; Alastor’s eyes widened, and he dragged Angel into a firm kiss. And he participated much more actively this time! He slid one hand into Angel’s hair to draw him downward, forcing his posture to bend, but he was too absorbed in the experience to be bothered.

It all seemed to happen much slower than he expected. Alastor’s tongue traced his lips, stealing his breath, then slipped inside, everything soft and wet and warm. Even as Angel pressed in closer, arms tightening around Alastor’s shoulders and waist, Al refused to let him take things any faster. It seemed like he was intent on exploring every inch of Angel’s mouth in his own time, and—God—his tongue was longer than expected. When Alastor moaned into his mouth, Angel’s heart practically stopped, and he forced himself to break away for a breath.

“Fuck,” he muttered, hanging off Al for stability.

“That’s a nice sound, cher,” the Radio Demon purred, allowing his free arm to wrap around Angel’s slender waist and hold him close. “I wonder what it would take to hear more of it.”

“Uh. My voice?” Angel asked, embarrassed at how turned on he’d gotten from just one kiss (albeit a very deep, very thorough kiss).

“That’s right. I know for sure that I want that. The question is how to go about getting it.” Using the grip in his hair, he turned Angel toward him for another kiss, one every bit as hot and intense as the first, and Angel found himself moaning softly with every breath from having his mouth full. How ironic that someone so indifferent about sex could excite him with hardly any effort. But after so long doing without, every little bit of pleasurable friction made him eager for more. If this is his first time, is he feeling all that too?

“H-hang on,” he whimpered, reluctantly pushing Alastor away so he could catch a breath. “You probably can’t hear me really well if my mouth’s covered.”

“Fair point.” Al grabbed his wrist and dragged him over to the bed, then pushed him forward to kneel on the mattress. Stepping in close behind him, Alastor wrapped both arms around his waist, chest pressed to Angel’s back. With Angel on his knees, Alastor’s mouth was at just the right level to meet his neck, lips and tongue and teeth teasing to send hot shivers down his spine.

“That’s…nice, baby,” Angel sighed, and he could feel Alastor tense up behind him. “What? Somethin’ wrong?”

“I don’t care to be called that,” the Radio Demon said plainly. “Try again, cher.”

“Oh. Well, what d’ya like, then?” Angel was struggling to focus on talking as Al easily unbuttoned his jacket and stripped it off him to toss it to the floor. So much for shyness! He knew some part of what he wanted, clearly.

“Surprise me,” Alastor chuckled. “Something unique. Something you wouldn’t use for anyone else.”

“Okay. How ‘bout, uh, dear?” That one was a lot more wholesome than he was used to.

Al laughed against his skin. “Yes, that seems appropriate.” His hands drifted down to unbutton Angel’s shorts, drawing a breathless moan from his lips.

“Alastor…”

“Simple, but I’m surprised at how much I enjoy hearing it.” As he talked, casual as could be, he slid his hand down the front of Angel’s shorts to tease a desperate whine from his lips.

“Y-y’know, you’re makin’ this…kinda hard for me, honey,” he moaned, cheeks flushing with heat. There was another term he didn’t use often. It always felt too sweet, too familiar to call a stranger. But of course, Alastor didn’t fall into that category anymore.

“Oh, I like that very much, cher,” he purred, his hand meeting Angel’s bare skin without any sense of reservation or discomfort. Angel whined and writhed, embarrassed at how hard he’d gotten already but not trying to escape.

“Hang on. Lemme…do somethin’ for you too.” He tried reaching back with his free hands to grope between Alastor’s legs—but the Radio Demon moved away before he could.

“That’s not necessary.” The shadows in the room came to life and bound Angel’s wrists in front of him so he couldn’t reach. With a snap of Alastor’s fingers, the room went utterly pitch black, forcing Angel to feel everything else even more. It seemed unfair that with hardly any experience, he was still doing everything just right. “If you want to please me, speak to me, moan for me—sing for me if you like. I can promise no one else will hear. And I intend to keep it that way.”

So there was a little possessiveness in him somewhere. Not that Angel minded. Even if it wasn’t the same kind of sex he was used to having, he was still 100% engaged and eager to do whatever he could to make it good for his partner too. He moaned wantonly, trying and failing to keep his hips still, dropping his head back against Alastor’s shoulder just to be closer to him. The Radio Demon chuckled at his enthusiasm and nibbled along his neck, sharp teeth deliciously dangerous against soft skin.

“Harder,” Angel whispered, and he obliged without hesitation, biting down hard enough that Angel was sure he would have a bruise—but he still wasn’t satisfied. “I said harder, honey.”

Alastor hummed his approval and sank his teeth viciously into Angel’s neck, the force enough to buckle his knees. Good thing he was kneeling already. Al made a point of lapping up whatever blood he’d spilled, even gathering a few stray drops with his fingers and licking it off. Meaning that when his hand slid between Angel’s legs again, it was slick and wet, enough to pull a shocked cry of pleasure from his lips.

“I didn’t…I really didn’t expect you to be this good,” he laughed shakily.

“No? What did you expect?” Alastor’s other hand slid up the curve of his waist and into the thick fur of his chest to banish any space between them. “I’m curious, chéri: what have you been imagining?”

“Well. I figured you’d be kinda…forceful like this,” Angel answered, trying to distract himself from the slow strokes on his heated flesh, the way Alastor’s fingertips seemed to be mapping out every curve of his body. So calm, so thorough, and shockingly effective. “But, uh…I dunno, maybe a little clumsy? So much for that.” It was also surprising him how difficult holding a conversation was; normally guys weren’t interested in talking to him, especially in bed.

“Why bother doing a thing if you aren’t going to do it well, that’s what I always say.” Alastor took his hand away, and Angel almost whined, almost begged him to keep going—but his breath caught as something else curled around his erection, something slender and flexible like a… Like a shadow tentacle, he realized. Holy shit. The Radio Demon was apparently kinkier than he let on, but Angel could hardly complain when it all felt so good.

As his body was burning up and he was really losing track of his breath, he rested his head back against Alastor’s shoulder and turned to murmur into his ear. “Will you, uh, kiss me again?”

“Hmm. You like having your mouth full that much?” Al teased, and a shiver of hot embarrassment (and something else) rushed through Angel’s stomach.

“Well, I”—he swallowed hard—“I like when it’s your tongue.”

Alastor let out a low groan and held him even tighter. “Whatever you need, chéri.” One of his hands found its way into Angel’s hair again, and this time his kiss was brutal, bruising, urgent. Perfect. But he was no slouch at multitasking, his shadow magic just as precise and attentive as his hand was, and all this friction between Angel’s legs and lips was driving him out of his mind.

Remembering what Al had said about wanting to hear him, he didn’t bother stifling his moans, not for a second, his pitch and volume rising every moment that Alastor toyed with him. Fuck, it’s so hot. I can’t handle it! I… He could hardly even keep his own thoughts straight, too lost in feeling every single second of this, getting closer and closer until his willpower finally broke and he came with a breathy scream. His instinct was to pull away to catch his breath, but Alastor kept him trapped, apparently content to swallow every deep, desperate whimper that slipped out of his lips as he rode out his orgasm.

Eventually, after several more seconds of enjoying his mouth, Alastor drew away and let him gasp for air but still refused to allow any space between them. He even nuzzled his lips slowly against Angel’s neck, and a different, totally non-sexual warmth flooded through him. “That…that was… Uh, wow,” he laughed, and Alastor snickered along with him.

“Good to know my ‘weirdness about sex’ didn’t ruin it for you.”

“No way. It was better,” Angel told him without thinking. “Maybe just cuz it was you.”

“Ahem!” He could imagine Alastor’s bashful smile, which was very slightly different from his nervous smile or his apprehensive one.

“So?” Angel shifted carefully to sit up, tugging at the bonds still holding his wrists. “You gonna let me spend the night or…?”

“Let you? I would be bothered if you didn’t. Besides.” With another snap of Alastor’s fingers, a lamp in the corner glowed to life, casting soft red light across the room. Shouldn’t that be creepy? Unnerving? Angel felt totally comfortable. “I think you’d find it difficult to get upstairs in your state.” To illustrate, he pushed Angel forward lightly, and he easily collapsed against the bed, shaky now that he was no longer being supported.

“Twist my arm, why don’t ya,” he answered, wriggling out of his shorts and kicking them, along with his boots, to the floor.

“Oh, is that something else you enjoy? I’ll keep it in mind.” After stripping out of his coat and hanging it in the closet, Alastor unfastened his cuffs and unbuttoned his shirt a little, then came to crawl into bed still mostly dressed. Angel decided not to question it; if that was how he was comfortable, then fine. When he noticed Angel’s shaking wasn’t stopping, he tilted his head to one side and asked, “Is something wrong?”

“No, no.” Angel tried to still himself, hoping not to ruin the mood after everything had gone so well. “I’m fine. Just…tryna calm down.” That was a pretty intense session, after all, so his body and mind were still a little overwhelmed.

“I see.” Moving slightly closer without touching him, Alastor instead asked, “Would you like to be near me while you do so?”

His reflexive and honest answer was yes, please—but he hesitated to speak it, not wanting to come off clingy or weak. “I mean, you don’t hafta do that. If you gimme a couple minutes, I’ll—”

“You aren’t answering my question, cher,” Alastor pointed out, very carefully brushing his thumb over Angel’s cheek. Even that tiny bit of gentle affection was a huge comfort after so much intensity. Angel’s resistance quickly broke.

“Yeah. I would.” He wriggled a little closer under the covers to put himself in Alastor’s arms, and the Radio Demon held him without question, stroking his hair and humming to him softly while he slowly relaxed. So weird. So different. But different in a way Angel could definitely see himself getting used to. “You better be careful, honey. Keep bein’ this nice to me and I might start gettin’ confused about what you actually want here.”

“That would make two of us,” Alastor answered quietly. But he didn’t back away, didn’t get uncomfortable, didn’t kick Angel out of his bed. He didn’t make any effort to insist that this was just about sex (since it obviously wasn’t) or that Angel shouldn’t get his hopes up for anything more. Which was a good thing, because as he leaned down for another kiss—slow and soft this time—Angel’s hopes were rising higher and higher all the time. How long had it been since he’d felt hopeful about anything? He wasn’t even sure what he expected to happen, but damn it: he’d forgotten how good it felt to believe in something. 

[canchewread]

Editor's note: while I've certainly been away from Can't You Read for quite a while, anyone who follows my work at ninaillingworth.com or my Patreon blog already knows that I've been writing (and podcasting) again. You can check out some of my latest essays here, here and here; to listen to the podcast I co-host with Nick Galea (No Fugazi) just click here.

Today however I'm back on my bookworm bullsh*t with another curiously dated review of left wing literature from my extensive library of pinko pontification. In today's review, we're going to be taking a look at “The Chapo Guide to Revolution: a Manifesto Against Logic, Facts and Reason” written by five members of the popular left wing podcast “Chapo Trap House” - specifically, Felix Beiderman, Matt Christman, Brendan James, Will Menaker and Virgil Texas.

Baby Steps up the Ramparts

It is I will theorize, utterly impossible to write a review about the Chapo Trap House book without engaging in the extremely online, three-sided culture war that has sprung up around both “the Chapos” themselves and the enormously popular podcast they host. In light of the fact that seemingly everyone on the internet who detests the show regard the Chapos as slovenly crackpot losers born on third base and podcasting from mom's basement, it really is alarming how much digital ink has been spilled about the various types of “threat” to all that is good and holy this simple irony-infused podcast supposedly represents. While I intend to largely sidestep that discussion by focusing entirely on the book and not the podcast (which I don't listen to regularly, to be honest with you), I accept that virtually nobody reading this is going to be happy unless I do something to address the elephant in the room, so here goes:

Neera Tanden and her winged neoliberal monkeys can eat sh*t, but extremely online leftists have a point that the Chapos themselves occasionally skirt the line between mockingly ironic reactionary thought and just plain old reactionary thought; although this is not particularly alarming to me because they're Americans and America itself is a breeding ground for reactionary ideas – decolonizing your mind is a process and I'm pretty sure it's one I myself am also engaging in still every single day of my life at this point. Importantly, in my opinion this failing does not make them cryptofascists so much as the product of American affluence; I'm having a hard time understanding how teaching Marx and Zinn to Twitter reply guys serves the fascist agenda in any meaningful way. While I obviously can't pretend to know another person's heart, in my opinion the Chapo boys are definitely leftists but they're obviously not labor class and yes it's a little hard to explain away the group's loose affiliation with the (objectively strasserist) Red Scare podcast through co-host Amber A'Lee Frost - but I'm not going to waste a couple thousand words trying to untangle Brooklyn independent media drama from half a country away and besides, Amber didn’t write this book. Despite these critiques however, I think it's important to note that under no circumstances am I prepared to accept the argument that with fascists to the right of me, and lanyards, um also to the right, the real problem here is... Chapo Trap House.

Ok, with that out of the way let's dive right in and talk about the question I think most folks who've written about The Chapo Guide to Revolution have largely failed to grasp – namely, what kind of book is it precisely? Combining elements of comedy, playful online trolling, historical analysis, political theory and good old-fashioned cross platform promotional marketing, the book has often lead critics to compare it to catch-all comedic efforts like Joe Stewart's “America” or even humorous men’s lifestyle advice texts like “Max Headroom's Guide to Life.” This is I think an essential misreading of the fundamentally earnest and direct tone the book actually takes in its efforts to reach a fledgling audience growing more receptive to left wing ideas. The Chapo Guide to Revolution is, as the cover says, a manifesto; but rather than serving as the mission statement for a particular formed political ideology, the Chapos have written an extremely effective, entry-level argument for why labor-class millennials should be leftists – and, of course, why they should listen to Chapo Trap House; this is still a cross-promotional work after all.

Naturally as befits a book about a comedy podcast, albeit a very political one, the Chapo Guide to Revolution is an extremely funny book that does a remarkable job translating the type of caustic online humor previously only found in left wing Twitter circles, onto the written page. While its certainly true that this quirky style of comedy can be a little difficult to grasp for the uninitiated, and typically a cross-promotional work of this type will get bogged down in self-referential humor and inside jokes, the book mostly avoids this trap by sticking with the basics and assuming that the reader has literally never heard an episode of Chapo Trap House, which in turn makes the humor fairly universal and extremely accessible – at least for anyone under the age of fifty. This endeavor is greatly aided by the dark and dystopian, yet hilariously eviscerating art of Eli Valley; a man who himself has since become one of the leading left wing critics of establishment power online through his extremely provocative sketches and ink work.

The truth however is that if the Chapo Guide to Revolution was merely just a funny book, I wouldn't be reviewing it here today. No, the reason this book is worth writing about at all lies in the fact that underneath all the jokes, taunts and “half-baked Marxism” lies an objectively brilliant work of historical analysis, cultural critique and left wing political theory – albeit an unfocused theory that borrows heavily from half a dozen functionally incompatible left wing thinkers and literary giants, but a fundamentally serious work of political philosophy nonetheless.

Yes, that's correct; I said brilliant. Where think-tank minions and neoliberal swine in the corporate media see a petulant pinko tantrum, and  online leftist academics see privileged dudebros appropriating Marx (poorly), I see a brilliant and yet stealthy synthesis of political theories, historical analysis and organizational ideas originally presented by writers like Howard Zinn, Noam Chomsky and Thomas Frank. Drawing on historical theories from Marx, Gramsci and Rocker, the Chapos have cobbled together a rudimentary political philosophy that represents a crude and yet promising welding of anarchist concepts about labor, Marxist concepts about economics and democratic socialist concepts about politics, collected together under the generic banner of “socialism.”

At this point some of you are undoubtedly snickering, but please bear with me for a moment here because what the Chapos (or their ghostwriter) have done in this book is truly a marvelous thing to behold precisely because you can't see it unless you're paying close attention. By positioning The Chapo Guide to Revolution as both a comedic work and an introductory level text, the authors have created a sort of unique crash course in left wing history, geopolitics, philosophy and political theory for a newly awakened generation of Americans who find themselves increasingly politicized whether they like it or not.

Underneath the acerbic millennial humor, “extremely online” diction and unrelenting waves of sarcasm, The Chapo Guide to Revolution is also a surprisingly accurate “CliffsNotes” style textbook presentation of multiple broad-based social science subjects – here are just a few examples:

In “Chapter One: World” the book presents a rudimentary and yet deliciously insightful history of post-World War II American empire that draws on authors like Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky, with a touch of contemporary writers like Greg Grandin and Naomi Klein. In particular the attention devoted to condensing the target audience's formative experiences with empire like the War on Terror, the invasion of Iraq and the war in Afghanistan, into a short and coherent narrative that can be easily shared with other novice political observers makes this book an invaluable resource for budding millennial leftists  Additionally, while it certainly might have been an accident, the Chapos' choice to wrap this “Pig Empire geopolitics for newbs” lesson in a protracted joke about America as an extremely ruthless corporate startup at least touches on ideas presented by writers like Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz, Sheldon Wollin (or Chris Hedges repeating Sheldon Wolin), Joel Bakan, Rosa Luxemburg and others.

In Chapters Two and Three, entitled “Libs” and “Cons” respectively, the authors conduct a remarkably thorough political science lesson on the two major mainstream political “ideologies” in American culture, including both a rough outline of their history and their modern calcification inside the Democratic and Republican parties. Of course both of these sections rely heavily on the personal experiences of the authors growing up in a politicized America, but these discussions also dip into the works of Thomas Frank and Cory Robin to explore and critique the liberal and conservative political mindset respectively; in particular the Chapos summary of Robin's work on the conservative worship of hierarchies is an inspired distillation. More importantly however, the Chapos also expose the way in which these two ideologies represent a false dichotomy within the greater confines of a larger capitalist socioeconomic order; which is of course a (still absolutely correct) idea straight out of the works of Karl Marx.

In Chapter Six, appropriately entitled “work” the authors engaged in a disarmingly earnest discussion about wage slavery, the false promises of the protestant work ethic and the history of terrible jobs available to the labor class under various iterations of the capitalist project. This is followed by a humorous, but dystopian review of what future jobs might look like if the neoliberal socioeconomic order continues on as it has so far, and an extremely brief but sincerely argued pitch for completely transforming the role of work in society through some from of technologically assisted anarcho-communism. This last idea is admittedly a little half-baked but you have to admire their balls when the Chapo boys flatly call for a three hour workday; a position that will undoubtedly be popular with the labor class who're currently engaged in all those sh*tty jobs the book describes earlier in the chapter. Once again this synthesis of left wing ideas about work does represent a new and unique formulation, but despite the humorous and original content you can also clearly see the influence of anarchist writers like Kropotkin, Rocker and Goldman in this chapter, as well as contemporary authors like David Graeber and Mark Blyth.

Unfortunately, if there is a downside to writing a brilliantly subversive comedy book that functions as a “my little lefty politics primer” for politically awakening millennials, it's that you simply don't have the space for an intellectually rigorous examination of all the ideas you're sharing – there is after all a big difference between reading the Cliff Notes version of Zinn, Chomsky or Marx, and reading the original theories in their full form. Furthermore, the individual life experiences, idiosyncrasies and humor styles of the authors do at times bleed into the text in a way that I personally suspect was detrimental to the overall analysis. Here's a short list of “sour notes” I found in this otherwise remarkable book:

From what I have listened to of the Chapo Trap House podcast, it has always been my impression that the Chapos were particularly effective critics of American corporate media, so I was a little disappointed that the chapter on media in The Chapo Guide to Revolution was a fairly tepid and narrow discussion about (admittedly vapid) bloggers turned celebrated pundits. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure power dunking on the likes of Matty Yglesias, Meagan McArdell and Andrew Sullivan was viscerally satisfying for the book's target audience, but there's really not much of a broader critique of the media's ideological role in American capitalism and culture here like one would find in Herman & Chomsky's “Manufacturing Consent”, Matt Taibbi's “Hate Inc” or Michael Parenti's “Inventing Reality.” This absence I fear has the tragic side effect of reinforcing the idea the American corporate media sucks because egg-shaped moron bougie pundits are bad at their job and not because of the inherent failings of the for-profit media model and the institution's true role as an ideological shepherd keeping the masses aligned with the goals of elite capital and the ruling classes – almost exclusively against the bests interests of the labor class.  

The introduction is written in what I can only assume is a sarcastic imitation of right-leaning self improvement books with a touch of Tyler Durden's Fight Club ethos thrown in; this might have been a better choice in a completely different book but it's largely out of place with the rest of this book. At this point I should also say that the best part about the Kidzone intermission is that it was only two pages long. Needless to say, neither one of these sections did anything for me whatsoever.

While it's entirely possible that at forty-three years of age, I'm simply too old to really get the “millenialness” of the chapter on Culture, the simple truth is that I found most of it to be a fairly useless examination of pop culture influences the Chapos hold in reasonably high esteem. As someone who isn't particularly engaged in watching lengthy television series or regularly playing video games, I really couldn't dig into most of the material presented and the less said about the art jokes and the bizarre absurdist discussion of elevator brands, the better. There is however one rather notable exception here in the brief essay on The Sorkin Mindset, which is an objectively brilliant evisceration of the liberal obsession with the West Wing and the tragic effect that obsession has had on Democratic Party politics – this really could have gone in the chapter on “Libs” because it's that valuable of a tool for understanding and critiquing the modern liberal lanyard worldview. Finally I guess I should note that while the Chapo boys' insightful critique of the vapid “prestige TV” phenomenon is both interesting and correct, it really only “matters” if you're a consumer of these types of series – and I'm not.

While I certainly understand the authors' decision to use their notes section to preemptively debunk bullsh*t complaints about the more outrageous accusations they level against the American establishment, I would have liked to see a “recommended reading” section. It is very clear that the Chapos have a reasonably strong background in imperial history, political science and labor theory and I feel like pointing readers towards writers who expand on the theories they summarize in The Chapo Guide to Revolution might have been a better use of space than printing links to old internet articles bad faith actors will never type into a search engine anyway.

Although it might seem like there was more about the book I didn't like, than I did, this is a little misleading – the first three chapters of The Chapo Guide to Revolution are pure fire and comprise over half of the volume. If you throw in the brilliant chapter about work and labor theory, the overall package is far more substance than style, despite the fact that it remains humorous and a little bit edgy throughout the book. While it's certainly fair to say that an introductory primer on why you should be a leftist for newly-politicized millennials isn't a must-read for everyone, the simple truth is that the vast majority of online leftists I know could learn a thing or two from this rudimentary synthesis of various left wing ideas into the seeds of a working, modern political ideology compatible with a uniquely Americanized, millennial left.

While no three hundred page comedy book written by five podcasters from Brooklyn is going to teach you everything there is to know about socialism and left wing ideology, there's something to be said for offering an accessible, entry-level alternative tailor-made for a target demographic already being heavily recruited by the fascists. As a starting point for exploring left wing political thought, you could do a lot worse than The Chapo Guide to Revolution and for a generation of kids who've mostly been encouraged to be passive accomplices to their own subjugation while blaming their misery on anyone even more powerless than they are, there is perhaps nothing more valuable than a condensed narrative that explores how to even think about another way to live.

Remarkably, this book finds a way to deliver on that monumental task while simultaneously failing to grasp one single relevant thing about the cherished American novel Moby Dick. Despite this infuriating literary myopia and insolence, this still might literally be the best book ever written for young American leftists who simply aren't going to spend ten years reading academic literature written by dead white guys from Germany and Russia. - nina illingworth Independent writer, critic and analyst with a left focus. Please help me fight corporate censorship by sharing my articles with your friends online! You can find my work at ninaillingworth.com, Can’t You Read, Media Madness and my Patreon Blog Updates available on Twitter, Mastodon and Facebook. Podcast at “No Fugazi” on Soundcloud. Chat with fellow readers online at Anarcho Nina Writes on Discord!

[op-law]

Charlotte Kato x Reader {I Need You} Ch 7

(Y/n)'s Pov

As I tried to recover from my near brush with death, I began to make eye contact with the bitch that scared me half to death. "Hahahaha. You're so damn easy to scare (Y/n)! Though the Pumpkin didn't even flinch that's a little unassuming. Come on mom is worried sick about you (Y/n). It's long past curfew after all little Pumpkin Children~ Consider yourself lucky that nothing unsettling attacked you two"

"Ren what the hell!?" I had no clue why this bitch was here though the beast sitting behind her didn't appear to be very happy that I was yelling at the girl. Kato also was still on edge as his grip tightened on the handle of his blade but attacking this thing wouldn't end well for either of us.

'Grrrrrrr'

I wasn't sure exactly what this creature was but its inky black exterior remained me of thick tar and Ren seemed to be speaking with it. "Relax Kage~ We like (Y/n) so you're not allowed to attack her" Oh great this girl was friends with the monster though maybe this thing was actually a good person and I was just judging it prematurely. "What is that thing Ren and why does it have a name?"

"Hmm? Oh, this is Kage or more commonly known as Kage no Otoko. He's a shadow creature that lives within these woods but we're friends so you're perfectly safe. Come with me and I'll take you back to the house. Good thing you're smarter than the average bear (Y/n) since if you went anywhere near those mugs, you'd be captured by that net trap those pesky goblins set" Ren sure knew a lot about these woods though why in the hell did she have a Shadowman as a 'friend'?

"Is 'Kage' the reason why mom doesn't want us in the woods past ten?"

"...No, there are dark forces that call this place their home and unfortunately, they are strongest after the sunsets. We should move before one of them finds us since my abilities won't be enough to keep them away from Kato. You're untouchable to them (Y/n) but you're not immune to being kidnapped"

"Are you a witch Ren?" My mother had said that she was though Ren wasn't my blood sister so I didn't know what exactly she was but the girl never missed her target. "Hahahaha. That's a good one (Y/n)! Did you hear that Kage? Me, a witch? Don't be silly (Y/n). I'm a hunter and I slaughter all creatures that threaten to end the peace within this world but those few are stronger than what I can handle alone. Come along we need to leave this place before they start showing up. Kage, protect that Pumpkin Man and don't let them kill him"

"Who is 'they' and why can't you handle them alone?... Kato, please stop glaring at Kage but keep your weapon at the ready. I need you to protect me, after all~" Determining this man's facial expressions was difficult but the way he was frowning was my only way clear indication of what his hollowed-out eyes could be doing. "I don't like this Shadowman and if he steps out of line, I'll kill him without a second thought"

There was some doubt in my mind that Kato could even cut this thing but maybe Kage's body was able to be cut through. I had no idea though as Ren started to speak, I could hear the rage within her voice. "You wouldn't touch my precious Kage you damn bastard! He is mine and I love him! If you try to hurt him, I'll kill you myself!" Did Ren just say she loved him? Hm, and this bitch had the audacity to insult Kato during their first meeting while she was doing god knows what with a shadow thing.

"Let's get going! We won't want anything attacking us now would we Ren?" Having a fight break out between Kage and Kato was something I wanted to avoid at all costs. Though now that Ren seemed to be forcing on the task at hand again, I could only hope we made it out of these woods without further agreements starting between them. "Shit! Follow me and stay close we'll need to process with caution from this point forward though thankfully the woods are less childish tonight"

"What does that mean Ren? A place cannot be childish"

"Oh, these woods are very childish (Y/n). Didn't you notice how it added those extra pathways? If I hadn't located you two when I did then it's very possible that you would have never made it out of these woods alive. Well, we're not out of the woods yet but don't you worry I know this place better than anyone"

As I turned to face the man that was carrying me, I noticed he was still on edge though at least Kato looked put together. "I'm not worried. Kato are you worried?" Even if I told myself anything was fine and that Ren would lead us back to the house there was still a small part of me that just wanted to curl up in a tight ball and cry herself to sleep. "No, I'm not worried (Y/n)"

"You both should be worried~ These woods will eat you alive if you have even the slightest trace of fear within your bodies~ Shshshshsh" Ren's lips never moved though Kage had made a few slight movements beside her before he leaned down to her level. "It can talk!?" I'm not sure why this had surprised me but maybe it was due to the fact Kage had only growled at us until this point.

"Yeah, he is a man after all. This inky black cloak you're seeing is just for show but I like it so he rarely removes it unless it's time for bed. Stop asking questions we need to process with caution and your constant talking is going to lead them straight to us" Damn, I didn't want any of these creatures to find us though I still hadn't received an answer about what lived within these woods. "Can I at least know what lives here?"

Kato's Pov

I was curious about the inhabitants of these woods as well but right now I needed to monitor the perimeter should anything try to attack my Pumpkin Queen. Her life was priceless to me and if beings like Kage were living here then it was not going to be an easy task leaving this place.

"As you have already seen Kage used to live here though he's not any threat. Although the others within these woods aren't so friendly and seek to cause chaos whenever possible. The worst ones are known as the 'Lost' we don't have a clear history of them but they appeared within our world long before the sixteenth century. (Y/n)... they wish to end your life for some unknown reason though until your eighteenth birthday you are safe. Come on we need to hurry"

"Do you know if my father's death was an accident? I hadn't thought about that day for years but when he left it was like... he knew that was going to be the last time he'd see me" (Y/n)'s voice almost couldn't finish her sentence though I never interrupted the girl. "I'm not allowed to discuss that (Y/n) but it wasn't an accident... Ask my father about it, he was there that day dealing with the aftermath"

"K-Kato can you help distract me for a few minutes?" She came off guarded but inside my Queen was in such pain and there was little I could do about it. "Sure, (Y/n)... What do you think of this Kage character?" I didn't like this thing since there was just something off about him though I wanted to know (Y/n)'s opinion of the creature. "He reminds me of No-Face but without a mask though he's creepy as hell. Please don't pick a fight with him unless it's necessary Kato"

"Heheheh. I won't (Y/n)~" Distracting the girl was going well though her sister decided to speak up from her spot a few feet ahead of us. "You two are weird" I didn't bother responding but (Y/n) had other plans. "Says the one dating a thing straight from a horror movie"

(Y/n)'s Pov

As I leaned against Kato's chest, I noticed Ren had stopped walking down the path. She slowly turned to face me though I didn't like that smirk she had on her lips. "He has a human form and you're meant him once before (Y/n)" That made zero sense since Ren never brought home anyone named Kage before. "I'm sorry but I must have been drunk since I've never meant anyone named Kage"

"We used an alias that night, you know him better as Brandon. Do you want to show her Kage or should we let the hoe think about it for a while?" My mind was blanking on this Brandon guy but Ren had plenty of friends who came around to the house. "Why did she call you a garden tool (Y/n)?" It was a risk to tell the man about the meaning behind that word but it's not like he was going to attack the girl so I started to tell him.

"It's not in reference to that it's short for whore Kato" Surprisingly the man didn't at all respond like I expected him to but that last thing caused my face to go bright red. "I think she needs to read a dictionary since it's rather difficult for a virgin to be a prostitute" Ren's laughter started to fill my eardrums though I couldn't find the courage to reply. "Hahahaha. Oh, my fuck I can't with this guy! Come on Kage let's hurry up so we can finish making that cake together"

After a few moments of silence, Kato began to poke up my cheek though I still didn't give him an answer. "Did I upset you (Y/n)? I-I didn't mean to assume your sexual status. Please don't be mad at me" Kato did nothing wrong though I wish he didn't get so technically with that word. "It's alright Kato. Maybe when we get back, we can steal some of Ren's cake~ Hehehe"

"Their closing in on this location Ren. (Y/n)'s presence is drawing them in from all sides. A fight will break out before we reach the edge of the forest" This was serious though Ren didn't look too concerned over the news. "Well, I guess we have no choice but to fight if they show their ugly faces. How far are we from the edge?"

"Ten minutes and the enemy is two minutes out" I couldn't hear anyone approaching but Ren was already taking out something from the bag she was carrying. A flare gun? "Prepare for battle!" As she shouted out, I watched a flare shoot into the air though I figured it didn't matter since the enemy already knew our location. "Kato put my sister down and get ready to kill anything that comes at you!"

He was reluctant to release me from his hold though, in the end, I think he realized it was better to fight with both his hands-free. "Stay close (Y/n) I don't want you to get hurt" We still needed to continue towards the forest edge though without Kato carrying me it was going slower than before.

"Cititor~ Cititor~ Ieși cititor~ Joacă-te cu noi. Nu mușcăm... greu~"

I didn't recognize that language though it made the girl ahead of me pause before Kage handed her a weapon. "Did you hear that Ren?" Kato had picked up on the voices as well since both of his hands rested against the handle of his rapier. Ren had ordered us not to move and I had been scanning the tree lining when I locked eyes with someone's red ones.

"Poftim! Cititor apreciat~ Noi vrem~ Atac~ Atac~ Atac~ Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Everything had happened so quickly and it wasn't until Ren started to yell did, I snap out of my trance. "Damn it! Hey, get your ugly ass off of him!" One of these red-eyed creatures had attacked Kato but they looked so human-like. "Îți voi vărsa sângele! Părăsiți acest loc!" Ren seemed to know the language they were speaking and it caused them to stop their assault.

"W-... We want the gi-girl! She belongs to us!" Their English was rough but their point was made. Kato's blood-stained the creatures' fingertips and I watched in disbelief as those same hands moved before the creature started to lick at it. "Savuros~"

'Bang' 'Bang' 'Bang'

"Damn I really hate these freaks... Who's the guy laying in a pile of his own blood?" I was thankful that he had shown up but now my attention could turn back to my injured Kato. "TJ there are you! What took you so long!? I was this close to becoming someone's dinner!" There was no time to listen to Ren and TJ argue my Kato was bleeding way too much. "Make yourselves useful before Kato bleeds to death!"

"Relax my little one he'll be just fine~ Let's get him back to the house where he can heal. He's going to be just fine (Y/n) come on before the others show up. That race doesn't take kindly to their own blood being spilled" My mother's words didn't help much though the bastard Frank was already carrying Kato away so I had no choice but to follow after him.

'Please don't die Kato. I need you here with me'

~~~~~~~~~

End Chapter 7

[whimsical-writer]

UMMMMMMMMMMM YES HI HELLO YOU KNOW WHY I'M HERE HEZA SO GET THAT INNOCENT LOOK OFF YOUR FACE. I AM HERE TO ASK PRETTY PLEASE WITH THE FRUIT OF YOUR CHOICE ON TOP FOR A RESCUE FIC FOLLOW-UP FOR FLUFF WEEK TO THE INCREDIBLE 5/1 PIECE ABOUT WHAT WASH WOULD AND WOULDN'T DO FOR HIS TEAM, YES THANK YOU AND GOOD DAY ILY

Hello Salt, look what took me almost a week to write. :’D I hope you and everyone else enjoys it~

Sequel to this

Warnings: Torture, blood, Tuckington, Fluff with a rough beginning

Five things Wash’s team would do for him and the one thing they’d never do

Felix’s knife tasted of metal, both from the blood that coated it and from the blade itself. Wash tried to pull his tongue away but there wasn’t anywhere for it to go as Felix pressed the edge of the knife against it. He wondered if Felix was going to cut swiftly or hack his tongue of slowly. He had a feeling, as the blade began to bite, Felix wasn’t going to make any of this swift.

The door to his cell opened with a slam accompanied with a loud “Felix!”. Felix whipped around, though he was still straddling Wash, pulling his knife out of Wash’s mouth. The blade didn’t cut through but it did cut down the side and a bit of his cheek and lip, surprising Wash into letting out a soft cry of pain and sputter blood down his chin. He opened his eyes to see Locus standing in the doorway. Despite being in full armour, it was clear that Locus was not pleased in the slightest.

“WHAT?!” Felix snarled, glaring harshly at Locus. His chest was rising and falling heavily, as if he had just ran a great distance.

“Get off him and get out here.” Locus’s words were curt, and he sounded a little disgusted with Felix. Wash recalled what he had said before, about not drawing out someone’s death, but it was hard to focus between the pain and ringing in his ears from when Felix kicked him to the floor.

Felix took a heavy breath and looked back down at Wash. His eyes glinted at the sight of Wash’s face covered in blood and he gripped Wash’s jaw again. “I’ll finish this later, Washy. You rest up now.” Despite his now calm tone, the grip on his jaw was nearly cracking and, as he leaned away, the pat he gave Wash’s cheek was closer to a slap.

Wash grunted as Felix roughly got off him, staying on the ground until he heard the cell door close and for a few moments after that, before finally managing to roll over onto his side to spit out a mouthful of blood. His stomach felt nauseous from pain and the amount of blood he had swallowed, but at least the blood was from cuts and a broken nose rather than internal bleeding.

It took him several minutes and twice as many attempts to get up into a sitting position, legs out in front of him, and he scooted back to get his back against the wall. It was cold, given his being shirtless, and Wash shivered. His blood, some of it still wet, was staining the ground in front of him, and he had created a trail to where he had dragged himself. Wash swallowed, unfortunately swallowing a little more blood, trying to keep himself calm. The wound on his side and the line down his chest hurt, especially when he expanded his chest to breathe.

Wash rested his head gingerly against the wall, wincing slightly as he put pressure on where he hit his head on the floor. He had to stay calm and in control. Couldn’t let Felix get any sort of pleasure out of seeing him panicked and scared. And even if Felix was only doing this for himself, there was nothing to say he wouldn’t start prodding for information, however inaccurate a panicked Wash might be. And if Wash kept his head, then there was no way he’d risk the Armies, Carolina, or the Reds and Blues. It was bad enough hearing his team scream at him over the radio before Locus had pried it off, let alone having to live with the knowledge that something he said caused them direct harm.

Wash closed his eyes and tried to ignore the throbbing of his wounds and head.

The next time his cell door opened, it was a medic and an armed guard. The medic roughly patched him up, dressing the wounds and making sure they were clean. The cuts inside his mouth had already scabbed up, but the medic did make a note of “no solids”, under his breath. Wash stayed still and silent the entire time, not wanting to agitate guard nor medic.  

It seemed Felix was serious about letting Wash heal, at least once, because the next few times his cell opened it was either to bring him some slop of food and water which had to be fed to him due to his hands being tied, or the medic changing his wounds. Several meals went by, though Wash highly doubted he was being fed three times a day, before Felix and Locus returned.

“Heeeeeey there Washy~” Felix nearly cooed as he stepped into the cell. Like before, he was helmet-less though still in his power armour. He sauntered up to where Wash was currently backed against the wall and grinned down at him. “How you feeling? Got some pep back in you?”

Wash kept his head down, avoiding giving Felix any sort of attention. Felix wanted a reaction, wanted Wash to fight and curse and scream. He knew Felix would hurt him, whatever he did, but it was satisfying watching Felix’s grin strain at the lack of acknowledgement. He did, however, take note of Locus leaning against the, now closed cell, door. Perhaps he was there to make sure Felix didn’t go too far, cut too deep.

Wash hoped that’s why he was there.

A pair of hands roughly grabbed him, one by his upper arm, the other clenching his hair by the roots, and Wash was hauled to his feet, pulled forward and slammed back against the wall, knocking the wind out of him. “I’d pay attention to me when I’m talking to you, Washy.” Felix hissed, hand going from Wash’s arm to squeeze down on Wash’s neck. Not hard enough to choke him, but enough that it was making it difficult for Wash to catch his breath properly. “It’s only going to be so much worse for you if you don’t.”

Wash met Felix’s eyes. They were icy blue, opened wide and manic, and not for the first time Wash found himself wondering just how much of a grip Felix had on his sanity. During his time working with the Feds, he had been warned about Locus’s mental state, his cruel if efficient nature, how he saw himself as a soldier, a weapon, first and a person second. That was only reinforced by the stories from the News, once the two armies were joined together.

As he stared into Felix’s eyes Wash was fairly sure that, of the two, Locus was far the more human.

When Wash still didn’t speak, Felix squeezed down harder, causing Wash to cough. The strain on his mouth caused the wound in his cheek split a little, and he tasted blood.

“Felix…” came Locus’s warning growl. Felix made a show of rolling his eyes in response, glancing back towards Locus briefly, before his grip on Wash’s neck loosened. Wash quickly sucked in a breath as Felix grumbled, “yeah yeah,” before stepping back and throwing Wash back to the floor.

Once again Wash was unable to catch himself, hitting the ground hard. He groaned as his head rattled and the world spun, quickly shutting his eyes to stave off the dizziness and nausea, pushing his head against the cool metal floor. He felt the now familiar weight of Felix settle onto his back, a gauntlet wearing hand pressing down between his shoulder blades. “It’s a good thing Locus is here to keep you safe, isn’t it?” Felix hissed by his ear, almost masking the sound of a knife scraping against its sheath. He grabbed a fist of hair again, pinning Wash’s right side of his head to the ground. “Me, I’d rather leave you in blood heap, barely able to think, but Control wants you mostly coherent and able to speak. Lucky you.”

Something sharp pricked above Wash’s left shoulder blade and dig down, causing Wash to let out a muffled groan against the pain, gritting his teeth hard. “But,” Felix continued, dragging his knife down in a slow line before lifting it and starting again elsewhere on his back, “I think I deserve a little bit of fun don’t you? It’s been all work work work with these guys, and let me tell you, it’s just so good to let loose and enjoy myself. Keeps the mind fresh, as they say.”

He continued to cut into Wash’s back, his hand and weight keeping Wash steady, even as Wash’s instincts told him to squirm, run! The cuts he was making went from the left of Wash’s upper back to the right, Felix falling uncharacteristically silent as he worked. Wash kept his groans of pain muffled, though it was beginning to overwhelm him a little.

“There, perfect.” Felix’s grin was evident in his voice as he he lifted his weight just enough to roll Wash onto his back. “I’ll have to get you a mirror later. Wouldn’t want my handy work to go unappreciated.” He chuckled, sounding surprisingly good natured about it.

Wash found that to be very worrisome.

Felix’s eyes searched Wash’s face, that manic look still there, and he must have found something he was looking for because his grin grew wide as his eyes darkened. “You know, you look really good like this Washy~” he leaned down, bringing his knife up to press the flat side against Wash’s throat. “All bloody and flush under me. Shame about those freckles though.”

Wash did his best not to roll his eyes at the pointless comment. He had long since been insecure about his looks, and if Felix thought that was going to get under his skin-

“I wonder what Tucker would look like if I had him like this?”

Wash went stiff underneath Felix, only for a moment, but Felix definitely noticed as he threw his head back and laughed.

“What did I tell ya Locs’?” He turned to look over his shoulder. “Knew that get a raise out of him.” In a blink, Felix was bearing back down on him, face less than an inch away from his own. “You know, Washington, originally I was thinking of killing you first while I made Tucker watch, before starting on him. But I think it’d be so much better if I had you both strapped down in here, taking turns on each of you, forcing you to hear each other scream. What do you think? Think Tucker will break first or you?” The point of Felix’s knife was digging into his chest again, creating a new line of red pain. “Oh, I bet I could get Tucker to agree to anything if I promised to stop hurting you…”

Wash snapped his eyes to Felix’s again, gritting out a single “fuck you,” his body beginning to shake both from pain and nerves.

“Oh Washy,” Felix’s other hand cupped his face for a moment, “breaking you is almost enough of a reward on it’s own. I wonder if Control will let me have you when they’re done…”

The knife cut a thin line across Wash’s other cheek.

When Locus and Felix finally left, Wash did not move for a long time, other than quivering and sucking in breath after breath.

They don’t have him, he told himself, they don’t have Tucker. If they did, they wouldn’t just taunt you with him, he’d be in here. He clung to those thoughts, mindlessly repeating they don’t have him they don’t have your team you kept them safe until Wash slipped into unconsciousness.

**

The hands that Wash woke up to were gentle, not rough like the medics or bruising like Felix’s. His eyes cracked open, staring at the colourful blur in front of him. “Who-“ he choked before shutting his mouth out of instinct.

As his senses came to him slowly, Wash became aware of several coloured blurs. Teal, Blue, and Yellow. Sounds were reaching his ears now, and they sounded an awful like-

“Uh, Tucker, Carolina’s saying we like, gotta go. She doesn’t think the Reds can hold out much longer.”

The muffled, clearly indigent voice of Sarge came over someone’s radio, which was cut off with, “yeah yeah okay old man, Tucker come on!”

“Just give me a sec Kai! Wash, Wash are you with me?” Tucker’s voice was coming through clean, rather than filtered through a radio helmet. That would be because, Wash realized, that Tucker was not wearing his helmet.

“Tucker… Why the fuck aren’t you wearing your helmet…?” Wash tried to sound like a good, disciplined CO would, but his voice cracked too much for that. It had been a while since he used it and…

And they had come for him.

Tucker’s face split into a wide grin, though Wash noticed there was distinct fear in his eyes. “Yup, he’s good! Okay Wash, hold still…” The room was basked in a light blue glow as Tucker’s sword buzzed to life and brought down quickly between Wash’s ankles in quick succession. The metal rod keeping his legs apart was in several pieces on the floor, giving Wash mobility he hadn’t had in… Weeks? A month?

Tucker jammed his helmet back on and ducked behind Wash, undoing his hands. The ropes burned his wrists as they slid off, but the feeling of air touching them was grand enough Wash could forgive the sting. “Alright man,” Tucker helped him to his feet, “think you can run with us?”

“I-“ Wash began, uncertain as he stood on shaky legs, before he was cut off by the robotic voice of Freckles saying “TARGET ELIMINATED” three times in a row.

“Uh, Tucker,” Caboose held Freckles up higher, “I think we should be making with the running now? Like… Right now.” Freckles fired again, stating another two targets dead.

“Alright scratch that, looks like we’re carrying you. Caboose, hand Freckles to Sister and pick Wash up.”

“Okay! Freckles, you be good to Sister now okay?” Caboose quickly handed Freckles over to Kaikaina, who took Caboose’s place in the doorway of the cell.

“Alright you little BBgun, let’s do this!” She squared off.

“AFIRMATIVE.”

Wash, who was having a hard time registering the chaos around him, grunted as Caboose picked him up bridal style. “Agent Washington! It’s so good to see you again!” He was clearly beaming at Wash through his helmet, adjusting his grip on Wash so it wasn’t too tight.

“G-good to see you too Buddy…” Wash gritted teeth against pain, not wanting to scare Caboose.

Tucker’s sword was ignited again. “Carolina, we’re making our way back! We’ve got him. Let’s go people!”

His team took off running, with Kaikaina taking point, Caboose and Wash in the middle, and Tucker holding up the rear. As he bounced in Caboose’s arms, slowly starting to zone out from pain, Wash was aware of all the place he sore. His head was sore. His chest was sore. His back was sore. His wrists and ankles were sore.

But, as Caboose carried him to safety, as Kaikaina whooped for every enemy she and Freckles shot down, as Tucker shouted commands and took enemies down with his sword, Wash felt his heart soar.

**

One

Wash was placed immediately into emergency care once they reached Armonia, and nearly half the army wanted to see him. Dr. Grey was fighting to keep visitors out, though she allowed the Reds and Blues to visit during specified hours only. It meant Wash could recover in peace, without someone fussing over him or ranting about how they were going to rip Felix and Locus a new one or asking if he’d like them to sneak him a chocolate bar.

It meant that Wash was very lonely. No matter what he asked, Dr.Grey wouldn’t allow someone to stay with him after the first couple days. Tucker had protested that loudly, but in the end even he couldn’t force Dr. Grey to do anything she didn’t want to do.

“Dr. Grey, I’m doing fine…” Wash had argued after a few days of this, “they won’t be disturbing me- hell, I think I’d be doing better with some company.” Something to keep his mind off the events that happened, to make the time until he was released go faster.

Dr. Grey had only smiled gently at him as she looked up from her datapad. “It’s not just about you silly! I have many patients in my care, a lot of them dealing with very serious wounds or trauma like yourself. I understand that you would like to see them more often, but I have to think of the needs of everyone. Some people in here would not do well with all the extra noise!”

Wash had stopped arguing after that. She was right, of course, there were others in here, who all had people visiting them during visiting hours. As much as he loved his team… well he knew first hand how chaotic and loud they could be, especially when they got each other going.

Though he understood it, Wash had complained about it once to Tucker, while Carolina was within earshot. He suspected that was why he woke up not only to the soft beeps and lights of medical equipment but to the soft glow of Epsilon “sitting” on the edge of his bed, kicking his little legs back and forth.

“Wha- Epsilon?” Wash startled awake, a hand immediately flying to his implants when he didn’t see Carolina anywhere.

Epsilon was sitting one moment the next he was standing in the air above Wash’s chest, arms folded over each other. “Would you calm down? You’re going to wake someone up, Jesus. I’m not in your fucking implants, I’m going through the electrical equipment alright?”

Wash slowly lowered his hand from his neck, though he was still on edge. “Then- what the hell are you doing here?” He hissed, leaning in close while being careful about his wounds. “Is everything okay, does Carolina need something?” For a moment, Wash feared something was wrong. The only times Carolina sent Epsilon to Wash was when she needed his attention immediately-

Except Epsilon was looking sheepish, arms going from being folded over his chest to awkwardly hugging his shoulders before dropping limply at his side. “Uh, no, Carolina didn’t send me. Not… exactly per say.”

Wash blinked. In all his time engaging with Epsilon, shy was never an emotion he had seen from him. Certainly not around Wash. “Then why exactly?” he asked, almost tempted to give Epsilon a hand to walk onto, as he had seen Carolina do so many times before.

When Epsilon didn’t answer him immediately, instead awkwardly gesturing with his hands and head, it dawned on Wash that it wasn’t just shyness Epsilon was feeling.

It was worry.

“Were you… Were you worried about me?” His jaw fell open, eyes widening slightly.

Wash could have sworn for a moment Epsilon’s avatar flashed pink as he sputtered indignantly, “what- no I wasn’t- no I’m not- Carolina was worried, okay?!” He turned sharply from Wash, shoulders hiked up to his ears. “I’m just keeping an eye on you for her.” He paused for a moment before looking over his shoulder. “And… For like Caboose and Tucker and Sister. They’re pretty worried too. So, Carolina and I figured, if we can’t get anyone with a physical body to keep you comp- to keep an on you, why not send the vastly superior, intelligent, and handsome AI unit instead?” Church looked away again, head tilted up slightly.

Wash stared at his tiny, glowing form for a moment, the corner of his lips twitching into a smile. “Thanks Church,” he said softly, holding back a chuckle as Church became indignant again.

“Oh shut up asshole.”

Things were quiet for a time, and Wash was finally beginning to feel sleep drag him down once more, before Church softly said, “Hey, just so you know- I’d never jump in your implants, okay? Not without permission or something.”

Wash isn’t sure if they’d ever get there, but he felt warm as he fell asleep.

**

Two

Wash was having nightmares again. They hadn’t been so bad in the infirmary, where the artificial sleep of drugs made him sleep too deeply for dreams. But now that he had been cleared and sleeping back in his own room, they came readily and Wash often found himself waking with a scream in his throat more than once a night, drenched in sweat. He spend his days exhausted, half remembered nightmares circling inside his mind, dreading the time when the sun dipped down and it’d start all over again.

One night he must have been screaming before waking up because he was quietly, violently shaken awake by Caboose, who was whispering, “Agent Washington! Agent Washington wake up!”

Caboose was lucky Wash had stopped sleeping with a pistol under his pillow and that the pain from straining upon sitting up stopped him from lashing out in panic. “C-Caboose,“ he gasped, trying to get his rapidly beating heart under control, “what are you-“

“You were screaming. I woke up first this time so it was my turn to check on you.” Caboose said matter of factly. It took time for Wash’s eyes to adjust, but he saw that Caboose was standing by Wash’s bed in his pyjamas, a large… something bundled up in his arms. “This time though, it sounded very bad, so I decided you needed some help! And I think I was right- I haven’t heard you scream like this since we rescued you from Side-Snow.”

“Sidewinder.” Wash corrected gently, then sighed. “Caboose, you should know not to wake me up like that, not by my head and arms… If you have to, grab my foot. I could hurt you otherwise.” Though Wash wished he hadn’t needed to at all. It was bad enough his nightmares were keeping him up, let alone disrupting anyone else’s sleep.

“Oh, I think I would have been just fine. I am very strong. But here!” And he thrust the bundle towards Wash. “This is my hugging blanket!”

Wash blinked slowly, taking it gingerly from Caboose. The material itself felt very soft and smooth, but there was a weight to the blanket Wash wasn’t expect and he left it fall into his lap. “Your… what sorry?”

“Hugging blanket!” Caboose repeated enthusiastically. “Dr.Grey had it made for me. See, she said that when I get very scared or upset, or if there’s too many things happening, I should wrap myself up in this blanket because it will feel like I am being hugged and she is right it helps me calm down when bad things happen. So I think you should use it.”

“Oh- it’s a weighted blanket?” Wash clarified as he unfolded the blanket to get a better feel for it. He remembered when the idea was first suggested by Grey to help Caboose adjust and stay calm at the base if no one was available to help him calm down. It had been a hit with him and Caboose could sometimes be seen eating in the mess hall with it wrapped around him.

“Hugging blanket.” Caboose corrected with a nod.

Wash smiled and shook his head. “Caboose… That’s very kind of you but I think you need this more.” He began to hand the blanket back to him, smiling at Caboose now. “I wouldn’t want to leave you without this.”

“Don’t be silly Washington, I am not going to be sleeping without it! We are going to be sharing beds tonight after all.”

Wash choked on his next breath of air, sputtering, “Caboose…! I don’t think- you really don’t need to do that. I’m fine really, thank you for checking on me but you should just go back to bed-“

“Washington,” Caboose said very softly and Wash fell silent. After a moment Caboose continued, “when Church went away, you took care of me.You made the bad thoughts go away, and made me feel very safe and warm. Well this time you are the one who is having bad thoughts. And I would like to help them go away please.”

Caboose was staring at him, the warmth of his eyes noticeable to Wash even in the dark of the room. Wash sighed softly and scooted over in his bed and pulled the covers back for Caboose to crawl in.

There were many assumptions Wash had made about Caboose and his sleeping habits and as it turned out they were all wrong. Caboose was not a loud sleeper, nor did he sprawl about the bed. He did squish up a little near Wash, it was a small bed and Caboose was not a small man, but he didn’t pull Wash in for a hug, or really touch Wash much at all, other than a small pat on the arm and a quiet goodnight.

The blanket did had a nice comforting weight as well. He could understand the term hugging blanket a lot better now and why Caboose liked it so much, and he could swear that all of Caboose’s warmth was transferring over to him. One of his thoughts as he nodded off late into the night was perhaps asking Grey if he could get one.

**

Three

Wash stood in the locker room of the training hall closest to his quarters, pausing as he went to put on his gym shirt. He had just had his bandages removed the other day, meaning all the scars Felix had left him were visible now. Some of they criss crossed across older scars, like the two down his chest or the few across his face, but others had been in entirely new places, like the one on his upper back. Wash hadn’t looked at that one yet. As Felix had been carving that one, there had been something different in his mannerisms than the other wounds he caused. Cold, quiet, rather than manic, rambling. He had taken his time, not just to make Wash suffer, but to precise. That made a portion of Wash nervous to see what Felix had done. Wash had a feeling he wasn’t going to like whatever it was.

Glancing over one shoulder than the other, he could just just see the pink lines beginning and ending the series of cuts Felix had made across his back. He couldn’t see enough to make out what it was, and would probably need a mirror to actually see it. Wash shook his head and sighed, slipping the t-shirt on all the way. No point in worrying about it now…

He had just finished pulling on his shirt when one Kaikaini Grif, already dressed in her gym clothing, walked in, her long wavy hair pulled back in a pony tail. Upon seeing Wash her entire face lite up and she let out an “Ow ow! Hot cop alert! Sup Wash?” She was next to him in an instance, slinging an arm around his shoulder. “You got the training block today too? Wanna help me work out?” she winked, giving him a little shake, “I can always use a spotter with my stretches.”

Wash pulled away, though he did nod as he did so. “Err, sure. I guess I can help out.”

Training with Kai turned out to be not so bad. He didn’t often train one on one with her, mostly just with the rest of the Blues, but this let him really get to know her limits and let him begin his strength training as Dr.Grey had ordered. She kept her conversation mostly clean too, only attempting to get him to “pop a boner” in her words two or three times.

By the time they were finished, both were sweaty, smiling, and overall enjoying themselves. Once again Wash found himself thinking quiet fondly of Kai. She fished her bag out from her locker, winking at him. “Well I’m going to hit the showers. Wanna join me?”

“They’re communal showers Kai.”

“Yeeeaaaah but do you wanna join me?”

“No thank you Kai.” Wash chuckled, a little weak. Dammit did she have to be so pretty, Wash thought as he turned to pull his shirt off.

There was the sound of Kai dropping her bag with a gasp of “That fucker!” and Wash stopped, shirt half pulled over his head. He’d forgotten about the scars.

He pulled his shirt off the rest of the way and slowly turned, balling the shirt in his hand. Kaikaina was standing a few feet away from him, hands clenched into fists and she was practically shaking with anger. “Well,?” he asked, all the humour and joy in his voice gone, “what’s there? I know he did… Something there. I haven’t looked yet, and Dr.Grey never told me what was there other than the fact it’ll scar. So what is it?”

It took Kai several moments to answer, her face scrunching up in what looked to be equal parts frustration, rage, and sympathy. “It’s… his name. That asshole wrote his name.”

Wash took a slow breath in, wringing his shirt in his hands. Logically, he knew it was no different than any other scar, but the idea of Felix acting like he owned him… “Wow. He really is a sick son of a bitch isn’t he?” And Wash threw his shirt against the way with enough force that the fabric hit the wall with a soft ‘thwap’ and fell limply to the ground.

Kaikaina was suddenly beside him, arms around his shoulders, and was attempting to guide him towards one of the benches. “Okay, it’s okay Wash, you just come sit down now,” she said softly.

Wash set his jaw and dug his heels into the ground. “Kaikaina, I’m fine,” he began, rage and frustration bubbling in his stomach as he fought against lashing out at Kai. She was just trying to help, he understood that, she didn’t serve him snapping at her-

Kai snapped her perfectly manicured hand in front of his face three times, cutting him off. “Now you listen to me, Mr Agent Wash Washington!” she scolded, now jabbing a finger into his chest, carefully avoiding a scar. “I am the motherfucking Queen of “I’m fine but I actually mean I’m having a breakdown I’m drowning oh god please help me”, so you are going to sit your ass down on this bench and we are going to have a heart to fucking heart.”

Normally Wash wouldn’t agree with any sort of forced helped, but looking at Kai, her face enraged not at Wash but for Wash, tears in her eyes, softened his heart and he allowed her to sit him down.

Kaikaina went from stern and tough to soft and gentle in a moment, rubbing her hands up and down his arms. The movement and pressure, to Wash’s surprise, worked. He slowly un-tensed, slouching a little on the bench.  “Alright Wash,” she spoke gently, squeezing him gentle, “I’ve got no idea how this feels. I mean, I get that it probably fucking sucks. Felix is a sick mother fucker. But…” she hesitated, biting down on her lip, “but those marks don’t mean anything. They’re just dumb new scars.” She suddenly perked and squeezed him closer. “Hey- if they’re really too upsetting, we could get you a cover up tattoo!”

Wash paused mid-deep breath, letting it out quickly as he turned to face her. “Tattoos? I… I guess. I never considered one before. Don’t really have anything important I’d like to have permanently etched onto my skin…” he glanced at her. “Do you have any…?” He’d assume Kai was the type to get a tattoo, but Wash couldn’t spot any on her currently exposed skin.

Kai smiled, lifting up the sleeve of her shirt to reveal a tattoo on her bicep. It was black ink, intricate geometric patterns that formed the shape of waves circling around her arm. “Yeah, I’ve got a few! Figure this one is the safest to share right now.” She winked at him, and Wash felt  himself flush wondering where those other tattoos were.

“It’s so simple… I didn’t think you’d be the kind of person to get something so… quiet.”

Kaikaina gave him a look. “You making assumptions about me Washington?” Wash flushed again, causing Kai to laugh. “Aw, I’m just teasing. But yeah, this is a traditionally done tattoo in my culture. All mine are. Grif’s got a couple too, but he’s also got a geeky-tattoo.” She wrinkled her nose. “But I bet we can find something to cover up your back. Maaaaybe…” she grinned at him, patting his shoulder, “Tucker’s full name?”

The fact Wash’s first thoughts were ‘that wouldn’t be so bad’ shocked him into letting out a loud laugh, which caused Kai to laugh with him. It was silly, that something so silly could make him laugh, but warmth was blossoming in his chest as Kai continued to work her magic. She could make anyone smile.

The two of them didn’t move from the locker room, their laughter echoing down the hall.

**

Four

Wash had been spending more and more time with Tucker as of late. It started off with Tucker eating with him at every meal, sitting next to Wash, their knees almost touching. Then, once Wash was cleared to exercise,  Tucker would join him almost every time. He’d make sure Wash got back to his room alright at night and was the first person Wash saw in the morning. Normally, that kind of babysitting would irritate him. But Wash found… he didn’t mind it so much with Tucker. In fact he was rather liking it.

So when Tucker said “night Wash,” and turned to leave Wash’s doorway, Wash didn’t think it was so weird that he reached out and grabbed Tucker’s sleeve, tugging him back. But then Tucker turned, giving him a questioning look, and Wash felt his tired confidence leave him in one breath.

“Err,” Wash dropped Tucker’s sleeve and taking a step back. “Night Tucker.” Except now Tucker was reaching for his hand now and he was holding his hand and he was walking into Wash’s room and closing the door softly behind him and Wash was fairly certain half his brain had shut down as Tucker pulled Wash against his chest. For a moment it was just the two of them, breathing softly, then Wash was backing up again, leading Tucker over to his bed. The two of them sat down, Tucker’s arm wrapped around Wash with a hand on his waist and Wash’s slowly putting his head on Tucker’s shoulder.

Wash realized in that moment how much he fucking needed this.

It was a while before either of them spoke, and it was Tucker who spoke first, breaking Wash’s heart in the process.

“We should have found you faster.” Tucker’s voice was steady, quiet, but his eyes were downcast, his hand gripping down on Wash.

“No, Tucker,” Wash was speaking just as softly, sitting up straight. After a moment’s hesitation, he put his hand on Tucker’s chin and lifted his head up. Tucker looked frustrated and mad, though his face softened upon meeting Wash’s eyes. Wash’s hand moved, slowly, from Tucker’s chin to the back of his head, pressing their foreheads together. “Tucker… You came right on time…”

He felt Tucker stiffen and relax, his eyes closing as he leaned into Wash’s touch. His free hand also came up, hesitantly combing through Wash’s hair, well away from Wash’s implants. Wash relaxed in turn, tingles running down his spine from Tucker touching his hair.

“Shit man…” Tucker muttered, pressing closer against Wash. “When’s the last time someone played with your hair?”

Wash closed his eyes, remembering the feeling Felix wrench and pull him about by his hair. “… Too long.” He answered slowly, as he lowered his head to rest it on Tucker’s chest.

Tucker seemed to grow more confident as he played with Wash’s hair, still keeping his hand away from his neck, his fingers massaging gently into Wash’s scalp. “Well that’s a shame. Cause I think you’re melting in my arms and it’s pretty much the cutest shit I’ve seen. After Junior of course.”

Wash let out a tired chuckle, leaning into Tucker’s hand. “Hey… think you could… just keep doing that?”

Wash must have been more tired than he thought, because he could have sworn he felt Tucker press his lips to his head. His whole head felt warm was he blushing?

“Yeah man. Whatever you need.”

**

Five

Wash was on the floor of the pelican, a medic leaning over him and bandaging the various cuts and slashes that covered Wash’s entire body. It was possible that several of his ribs were cracked or even broken, and some of the wounds had become infected. Anytime the engine shuddered or chugged, the resulting turbulence would crack Wash’s head against the metal floor, causing his world to spin and threatening to knock him out.

Wash didn’t care about any of that. His gaze was focused on Caboose, Kai, and Tucker, all waiting to be by his side the moment the medic pulled away. He watched Caboose cry big blubbery tears, Kai bite down on her manicured nails, Tucker tug at his dreads, all exhibiting stress and exhaustion now that they were safely on the pelican and on their way to Armonia.

“That was risky…” Wash choked out as the three of them rushed to kneel by him. Kai took a hand, Caboose went to hug him before Tucker pulled him back and he instead taking his other hand, and Tucker kneeled by his head, keeping it still and safe from any further bumps.

“Well fuck yeah that was risky, but did you see us?” Tucker’s voice shook as he attempted to sound brave. “Fucking badasses saving your dumb ass from a bunch of assholes.”

“You could have been hurt-“ “Yeah,” Caboose sniffled loudly, rubbing at his nose and eyes, “but, Wash, you were REALLT hurt. In fact I think- I think you got a lot more hurt than any of us.” And he broke into tears again, sobbing out apologizes for not coming sooner.

Kai wrapped her other arm around him and pulled him in for a hug. “Besides Wash, we couldn’t just like leave you. Not after all you did for us…! You wouldn’t leave any of us behind.”

“I… Didn’t want any of you… If they had gotten you…” Speaking was really hard, Wash was realizing. He shook his head slowly, “I did it to keep everyone safe-“

“Wash,” Tucker said sternly, softly, his hands reaching down to cup Wash’s head and face, “there was no fucking way we were going to leave you to that, okay? We’d never leave you behind. We’ll always come for you, not matter what dumb hero shit you try to pull okay?”

Wash looked around from Kai, to Caboose, to Tucker. Everyone was blurry around him, and Wash wasn’t sure if that was from all the bumps his head had taken or the tears that were falling from his eyes. “I’ve got a good team…” He managed to say, reaching a hand up to clumsily pat at Tucker’s hands. Kai and Caboose’s hands joined him, and all of Blue team were gently holding hands.

“Hell yeah you do,” Tucker smiled at him. “Best fucking team in the whole god damn galaxy.”

Wash gave a tired smile, feeling warm for the first time in a long while.

[evielynfic]

Pièce de Résistance - Part 5

RATING: MA PAIRING(S): Jai Courtney/Reader SUMMARY: You are taking a Life/Figure Drawing class in college. The usual model has called out sick at the last minute and the professor has had to ask a friend to help out for a few classes. Much to your surprise, the fill-in is a bulky, sexy, famous movie star. 

A/N: Hello, guys! I know this update is coming later than I had planned, but at least it hasn’t been a year. The first half of this part came to me very easily, but then the latter half wanted to be stubborn. Needless to say, finishing the story was a bit rough. I managed to push my way through the block, though, and was finally able to finish it. I’m not sure I’m completely 100% satisfied with the end result as a whole, but I wanted to finish it for you guys.

Also, this is where the MA rating comes in. It’s probably not my steamiest scene, but it’s definitely steamy. This is also the part that I’ve been thinking over in my head since just after starting the story that I really wanted to get to.

There’s another note at the bottom and I am posting a separate post since it got a bit long. I didn’t want to keep you guys from the reason why you’re here. ;) I hope you enjoy, and if you’re in USA, I hope you have a happy fourth!

Tag List: @beltz2016​, @lady-sloan​, @oddsnendsfanfics​, @frecklefaceb​, @jasonmccannsgirl8699​, @badassbaker​

Part 5

After arriving home from classes that day, you laid on your sofa wi​, th Jai’s hat in your hand. You had called Jai to let him know you had found his baseball cap, but he hadn't answered. You thought briefly of keeping the hat for yourself, but quickly dismissed the idea. For all you knew, the hat may have had a deeper meaning to Jai, much like your sketchbook had to you.  

You kept replaying all of the events that had taken place over the past few days in your mind, wondering where things had gone so horribly wrong. You had clearly misread all the signals and found yourself stumped as to how someone could turn such a complete one-eighty so quickly. It had to have been something you had said, or Jai had been playing you the whole time. You found the latter option unlikely, but then again, you really didn't know the man at all. One can learn facts and tidbits about someone from the Internet every day of the week, but knowing those facts and tidbits still does not mean that you really know the person.  

As you were leaving for work later that night, you set the cap on your dresser before turning off all of the lights in your apartment. Jai had still not called you back, but you tried not to worry about it. There could be many reasons as to why Jai hadn't answered his phone and had not returned your call. You left for work, clearing the whole situation from your mind.

A week had gone by without a single word from Jai. You had since given up on trying to contact him after five calls and three text messages. You tried to go about your days as if the ordeal didn't affect you and tried to forget about the entire experience with Jai. You had since moved his hat to your closet shelf where you wouldn't see it every time you walked into your room.  

Everyone at work could tell that something was going on with you over the past week. They tried at every turn to get you to talk about the situation, but you refused. Deep down you knew that they were all just trying to help you get through it, but talking about it would just make it hurt all the more.  

When you received the three drawings of Jai back from Miss Bailey, you tried not to look at them as much possible. You didn't even care to read her comments on the papers she had attached to them or see the grades you had received. You had stuck them in an old portfolio and placed them in the back of your closet.

A week after that, your co-workers had stopped talking about it altogether. Thankfully, they never mentioned Jai's name anymore, either. You were beginning to move forward and get back to how things were before. Although, even if you wouldn't admit it, you still felt something was missing.  

That Friday evening as you came in from work, you undressed and threw your dirty clothes in the hamper in the corner of your closet. You desperately needed a shower before you got started on your homework for the week ahead.  

After your shower, you had put on some comfy clothes and began to finish some drawings for class. You did your best not to picture a tall, handsome Australian in place of the latest model that you had gotten that week. After zoning out a bit, remembering those three classes two weeks prior, you were jarred back into reality again when your pencil snapped in two at how hard you had been bearing down on the paper.

Sighing, you stood and discarded the ruined pencil in the trash. You searched in your bag for a replacement and remembered you had more pencils in your closet. As you began to search on your closet shelf for the pencils you had bought recently, you pulled down the box they were stored in, causing several other things to fall off the shelf along with it.  

You groaned in frustration as you set the box on your bed before returning to your closet to clean up the mess off the floor. You picked up everything from the floor and froze when you saw Jai's hat lying there in the corner by your shoes. You quickly picked it up and started to set it back to where you had originally stored it when you saw a piece of folded paper lying on the floor where the hat had landed.  

Inspecting the unfamiliar piece of paper, you went to your bed and sat down, forgetting all about Jai's hat in your hand. You set it down in front of you on the bed and began to unfold the paper. The paper had been torn from standard printer paper and looked to be folded haphazardly, but folded into a small square. As you opened the paper, you began to read the short note.  

If found, please return to owner at the address below.

You stared at the address written on the paper with the initials J.C. written above the street address and the familiar phone number below. After mulling it over in your head, you grabbed the hat and turned it over to look on the inside. Running your fingers over the inner band, your lips slowly began to form a smile for the first time in two weeks. 

You had to research online to find where the address was located and discovered that it was only about twenty minutes away from your apartment. You thought about whether or not you should even bother returning the hat, but since you knew where Jai lived, you couldn't find it in you to keep it. Even if all you did was give him his hat back, you were going to Jai's house. You would rather not have the constant reminder in your apartment that you were completely gullible and probably the butt of all jokes for Jai and his friends.  

You managed to shove all thoughts from your mind before reaching Jai's house. As you pulled up by the curb in front, your mouth nearly dropped at the sight of the house. After turning off the ignition, you dug the paper out of your purse to check the address to make sure you were at the right place. It wasn't the largest house you had seen, but it was large enough to almost make you want to quickly drive off and change your mind.  

After gathering yourself and swallowing several times, you grabbed Jai's hat that sat on your front seat and forced yourself to get out of the car after sitting there for nearly ten minutes. You looked over the house more thoroughly as you walked up to the black wrought iron fence surrounding the property, suddenly realizing there wasn't a neighboring house in sight.  

As you walked up to the gate, you couldn't tell if Jai's car was in the drive or not from the trees. You noticed a call box beside the gate, but surprisingly found that the gate was unlocked after testing it. You looked around quickly for any guard dogs, but saw none. You still hurried to the door just in case there might be one or more lurking in the shadows, mentally chastising yourself for watching too much TV. After taking yet another deep breath, you rang the doorbell before you lost your nerve.  

Waiting for Jai to answer the door seemed to drag on for years. You had rung the bell again after about thirty seconds of not hearing anything. You sighed before turning around and began to step off the porch.  

Just before your foot hit the bottom step, you heard the door open behind you. You froze at the sound, chewing on your bottom lip.  

"Y/N?" Jai finally said after a moment of silence.  

After the shudder that ran down your spine at hearing that familiar deep, accented voice, you turned around slowly, coming face to face with Jai himself.  

"Hi," you said after another brief pause, finding it difficult to stop staring.  

Jai was wearing gym shorts, a thin white t-shirt that almost looked like it was two sizes too small on his muscular frame, and his feet bare despite the chill in the air. You couldn't help but notice that his hair was a bit wet and that there were a few wet spots on his shirt, as if he had just gotten out of the shower recently.  

"Hi," Jai replied, returning your gaze.  

You had forgotten the reason you were there, even while holding Jai's hat in your hand. You hadn't thought that seeing Jai again after two weeks would affect you as much as it was. You had clearly forgotten how magnificent he looked in person.    

"I wasn't expecting you," Jai commented after you remained silent.  

You cleared your throat and finally broke your gaze, glancing at the concrete beneath your feet. "Yeah, I'm sorry for bothering you. I just thought that I would..." You paused, holding up his hat. "You left this in class on your last day." You climbed the steps slowly and held the black cap out to him.  

Jai took the hat, watching you closely. "Thank you for returning it."  

"It's no problem. Again, I'm sorry for bothering you." You quickly turned around and began to descend the steps again, ready to make a hasty retreat.  

"Wait," Jai called out suddenly.  

You stopped on the steps and turned around once more to face Jai. You really just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.  

"Yes?" You asked hesitantly.  

"Where are you going?" Jai asked curiously, walking to the edge of the porch and placing the hat on his head backwards before crossing his bare arms to fight off the chill.  

"Um, I'm avoiding any further embarrassment and going back home. Why?" You felt tears begin to well up in your eyes, but you held them in. You hoped that Jai was far enough away and couldn't tell that you were five seconds away from crying like some heartbroken teenage girl.  

"What embarrassment, Y/N?" Jai probed further.  

"Like you don't know?" You asked, your voice full of bite. You crossed stuck your hands in your pockets as the wind picked up, blowing leaves across the ground at your feet.  

"No, please tell me," Jai responded, confusion written across his face.

"You're honestly going to stand there and tell me you don't think I'm an idiot for thinking that a guy like you could really be attracted to a nobody like me?" You paused a moment, trying your best to hold back the tears threatening to fall. "You haven't returned my calls or texts in two weeks, Jai. After your final time modeling, you just left without even looking back. I thought I might have meant something to you. You kissed me, remember? Why would you do that if you didn't like me and were just going to act like you had never even met me?"  

"Y/N," Jai started before pausing and sighed.  

"What?" You nearly shouted, swiping at the tears on your cheeks that were falling beyond your control.  

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Jai replied as he began to make his way down the steps closer to you. "Besides, you are not just a nobody."  

"Stop," you commanded.  

"Y/N, let me explain." Jai kept moving toward you anyway, despite your wishes.  

"No, just forget it, Jai." You turned and began to head back to your car.  

You barely made it five steps before Jai grabbed your arm and pulled you back to him gently, turning you so you didn't have any choice but to face him.  

"Y/N, look at me," Jai pleaded with you. "I didn't want things to end that way at all or for two weeks to go by without speaking to you."  

"Then why did you?" You asked, trying to calm down.

"Ella warned me to stay away from you and told me that you had a boyfriend," Jai finally revealed, releasing his grip on your arm.  

"What?" You stepped back a few steps to put some distance between you and Jai.  

"During the last class I modeled in, after I stopped talking to you, she told me that I needed to leave you alone. She said that our lives were too different and you were already seeing someone else."

"Why would you listen to her?" You asked curiously. "I'm twenty-four, Jai. I'm not some teenager who can't make her own decisions, and I don't have a boyfriend. I bet the only reason she said any of that to you was because she's jealous and she thought that she could scare you away from me."  

"What are you talking about, Y/N?" Jai asked.  

"Miss Bailey obviously has a thing for you, Jai. I don't know what relationship you two have or have had other than being friends, but she clearly wants it to be more."  

Jai rubbed his face with his hands. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't have listened to her. I should have come to you."  

"No, you shouldn't have," you said before beginning to walk to your car again.  

"Y/N, wait!" Jai called after you. "I left the hat on purpose."  

You stopped and turned around once again. "You did?"  

"Yes, I wanted you to find it, but then all of this other shit happened," Jai began moving closer to you once again.  

"Why?" You asked, raising your brow.  

"Because I wanted to know how you felt. If you cared enough to bring my hat back, it meant that you care about me." Jai stopped just in front of you. "Or at the very least, you would care enough about returning my hat."  

You looked at him, chewing on your bottom lip as you mulled over his words.  

"I didn't think that it would take you two weeks to bring it back to me, though," Jai responded. "I was starting to think that someone else had found it."  

"So, you planned the whole thing?"  

"Well, not the part about staying away from you, but the rest, yes," Jai answered. "You have no idea how much I wanted to call or see you, but I didn't know if you even wanted me to."  

"Why didn't you just return my call or texts, then?" You inquired.  

"I wanted you to come to me on your own. I didn't want to influence your decision." Jai paused a moment. "I also wasn't exactly sure you'd want anything to do with me."  

"I wanted everything to do with you, Jai," you returned quickly.

"And now?" He stood there defeated, gauging your reaction.

You acted like you were thinking a minute before smiling a little. You closed the distance that you had put between yourself and Jai, kissing him softly before you chickened out. The kiss was quick, and just after you began to pull away, Jai brought you back in for a kiss that was ten times more passionate than yours had been. You gripped his t-shirt and tried to make sure your knees didn't buckle.  

The kiss went on for several minutes, your breathing becoming ragged. Jai grabbed your hand and began to lead you inside. You didn't protest and followed him, a smile on your face.

After a few hours, you were still at Jai's house, talking and getting to know each other better. Sitting on the sofa beside Jai, you lightly traced the tattoos on his skin as he told you about each one. You smiled at the way his face lit up from the memories of getting them and the stories behind them.  

"So, do you have any tattoos?" Jai asked, his attention turning to you.  

"No. I've always wanted one, but I don't know what it would be, so I just haven't. If I ever do get any, there would have to be a reason for them. I wouldn't just get one to have one."  

"That's my philosophy on them," Jai agreed. "Each one has meaning behind it. Maybe not a always a deep one, but there's still a meaning."  

"I may end up drawing my own one day, but I haven't yet." You glanced at the clock across the room on the wall, realizing you and Jai had been talking for nearly two hours.  

"Speaking of drawings, how did you do on your assignments?" Jai asked with a curious look in his eye.  

You made a guilty face while biting your lip. "I actually don't know. I haven't really looked at them."  

"You're saying I posed naked for you to draw me for nothing?" Jai asked jokingly.  

You tried your best not to laugh at his antics. "It's not like I threw them away; they're just in my closet. And it's not like I need to look at the drawings, anyway."  

"Oh, really?"  

"Yes, your naked image is permanently ingrained in my mind," you admitted.  

"Well, that's hardly fair," Jai remarked.  

You shrugged. "You're the one who posed nude in front of a college class. No one forced you to do it."

"Okay, you have me there," Jai agreed.

"Yep." You smiled a bit smugly.  

Jai paused a moment as if he was contemplating something. "Do you remember when you told me that you didn't think you would have the guts to pose in front of a class full of people?"  

"Yeah, why?" You asked hesitantly with a raised brow.  

"Well, there's not a class full of people here right now..." Jai started.  

"And?" You asked, although you already knew where he was heading.  

"As you pointed out, you've drawn me multiple times." He watched you curiously to see your reaction.  

"Go on." You began chewing on the inside of your lip at what was coming to mind.  

"If you're up for it, I think it's only fair that I return the favor and draw you."  

"Nope." You stood up from the sofa with Jai quickly following you.  

"Oh, come on, please?" Jai begged before stopping you. "Hey, it's just me here. It's not like you're posing in front of a crowded room."  

"And posing for you isn't just as daunting?" You countered.  

Jai proceeded to poke out his bottom lip, giving you his best puppy dog face.  

"Okay, fine," you relented. "But it stays between us."  

"I swear that I will never say a word about it to anyone," Jai promised. "It'll stay between us." He took your hand and brought it to your lips, kissing your fingers softly.  

"You better not."  

"Hey, at least there's no potential for your naked drawings to be sold on the Internet," Jai pointed out.  

"Okay, you win." 

As you sat there on a bar stool in the middle of Jai's living room facing the man, you tried your best to stay still as Jai concentrated. Your legs were crossed over one another, your breasts were on full display, and your hands sat on either side of your legs gripping the stool with the sun shining in through the windows. You tried not to think about the fact that you were sitting there completely naked in the bedroom of a celebrity that millions would kill to be with.

You watched as Jai's eyes flicked up toward you every few minutes as the pencil trailed over the paper in front of him. You were surprised that you were as calm as you were since you were definitely not used to being on that side of the easel. Every time Jai's eyes would meet your own, you swallowed and tried to read his thoughts. Jai never gave anything away, remaining serious throughout the experience, but you did notice his eyes growing a bit darker every time you looked into them.  

"How do you know Miss Bailey?" You asked casually, trying not to be too obvious.  

Jai gave you a knowing look before answering. "I met her through one of my best mates. I met her shortly after I moved here."

"So, you two have never been more than friends?" You inquired further.  

“Translated: have we fucked?” Jai asked with a questioning look.

“Fine, yes.”  

"No, we're just mates. You can stop worrying," Jai replied with a smile.  

"Sorry if I was being too nosy, I was just curious." You looked at the floor. "She obviously wants you."  

"If she does, I wouldn't know. Ella's never said anything about being more." Jai noticed your distant look. "Y/N, trust me, you don't have to worry. I like you."  

You met Jai's eyes, your lips forming a smile that Jai returned. "I like you, too."  

"It's not like I want to draw every girl I know." Jai winked at you, a small smirk forming his lips. "Especially not naked."  

You chewed on your lip at his words and knew you were turning red.  

As you continued to sit there as still as possible, you tried not to think about the fact that Jai intently observing your naked form was a huge turn on. You tried your best not to bite your lip as your eyes trailed down over him as he sat across from you, his makeshift sketchbook that was a blank sheet of computer paper and a book underneath sitting on his lap.  

Thoughts began to race through your mind of Jai posing naked in class those three times, as you opened the door in your mind that you had firmly shut a few weeks ago. You let yourself daydream of what it would be like if he were to do more to you than kiss you. It was impossible to think that a man as sexy, muscular, and rugged as Jai wouldn't be good at pleasing a woman. Hell, he was pleasing you at that very moment, and he wasn't even touching you.  

After a few moments of fantasizing, you finally noticed the small, smug smirk that had appeared on Jai's lips. His smirk told you that he knew exactly what you were doing without saying a word. You managed to move your gaze away from him and tried to focus on something else before you got carried away, realizing you were squirming a bit on the stool and your legs were clenched tighter together than before. You glanced down momentarily to find your nipples hardened despite the warm air heating the house.  

"Stop fidgeting," Jai chastised, his smirk still firmly planted on his lips.  

"Sorry," you responded, trying to keep still as best as possible. "I'm not great at sitting still. It's a miracle I've lasted this long."  

"You're doing great," Jai complimented. He turned his gaze toward you, halting his pencil for a moment. "Just a little while longer."  

You took a deep breath, your chest and shoulders moving up and down, before trying to keep still again. "Okay, I'm good."  

Jai let out the small laugh before becoming serious and continuing his drawing.

The longer you sat there, the tighter your grip on the stool had become and the more you were subconsciously squeezing your legs together to try to create some friction, discovering that your mind was completely trapped in gutter. You cleared your throat and loosened the grip on the stool, noticing that your body temperature had risen even more. You glanced over at Jai, hoping he hadn't caught on to your current state. When you saw that his attention was currently on the paper on his lap, you sighed in relief.  

It suddenly occurred to you that if you were brave enough to sit completely naked only feet away from Jai, you could do something about the growing ache between your legs. You remembered the advice that Lila had given you several weeks back when Jai had met you at work: Don't be nervous. Seize the moment, make something happen.  

You watched Jai a few more seconds and waited. Once his gaze was back on the paper again, you quickly and quietly hopped off the stool and began to tip toe over to the love seat. You watched to make sure that Jai didn't look up to find you advancing toward him.  

As you reached Jai, you stood in front of him by the edge of the love seat. He hadn't noticed you standing there yet, so you halted his hand on the paper. His eyes were on you then an instant later, becoming more interested in what you were doing instead of drawing. You met his gaze and grabbed the pencil and pad from his grasp, setting them down on the floor. The drawing long forgotten, you climbed on the love seat on your knees and straddled his lap, your lips meeting his in a heated kiss and your hands gripping his thin t-shirt.  

It didn't take Jai long to figure out your intentions, his hands pulling you down onto his lap and running up your sides over your bare skin as he leaned against the back of the love seat. You could easily tell at that moment that you hadn't been the only one turned on by the experience, feeling the evidence through the soft fabric of Jai's gym shorts. You moaned at the discovery, Jai returning the sentiment as you began to slowly grind against him.

Jai broke the kiss for a moment to trail his lips down your neck. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Jai asked breathlessly against your skin.  

"What do you think?" You responded, your voice just as breathless as his as you tilted your head to give him better access. "I've wanted this since the moment I saw you without your clothes on that first day of class when I spit out most of my coffee and saw the smirk on your lips afterward."  

"Good to know," he responded as his hands finally grasped both your breasts, squeezing them gently at first before beginning to play with your pert nipples. "Because I wanted it then, too, when I saw the way you were looking at me."  

You couldn't help but moan and bite your lip, closing your eyes and relishing the feeling of his hands on you as you continued to grind against him. You tugged his shirt up, wanting to feel his bare skin against yours. Jai paused briefly to allow you to remove the item of clothing. After tossing the shirt aside, your lips met once again as your hands returned to explore the hard planes of muscle and skin as soft as silk as Jai continued to do the same to you. You moved even closer to him so that you were both skin to skin, only a thin piece of fabric separating you two from being completely so.

It wasn't long before you noticed Jai hooking his arms underneath your legs and lifting you effortlessly off the love seat. He carried you across the room to his bed, your lips never breaking for a moment until after he had laid you down on the mattress.  

You opened your eyes when you noticed his lips no longer touching yours to find Jai standing beside the bed, his eyes admiring your naked form. You watched him intently, biting your lip in anticipation. You smirked as you spread your legs briefly before closing them again.  

Your teasing seemed to get his attention as he began to slide his shorts down his legs, staring at you no longer his intent. “My turn.”

You couldn't help but notice that his voice seemed even deeper than normal and his accent thicker, sending a shudder down your spine. You sat up on your elbows to get a better view.

Once his shorts had hit the floor, he stepped out of them slowly, his darkened eyes staring at you intently. You tried not to let your mouth drop at the size of him, but you couldn't tear your eyes away from the sight of his hardened dick standing at attention.  

Jai swiftly climbed onto the bed, hovering over you in what seemed like a second. You spread your legs instinctively, as his hands trailed up your thighs to spread them further to accommodate his massive form. His lips met yours once again in a heated kiss, both of your moans melding together.  

You reached down and ran your hand over his length, eliciting a groan from him at the action, and felt even more evidence of his arousal as your fingers trailed over the tip.  

"Fuck," he groaned.  

You kissed him again with more fervor as you opened your mouth to invite him in, your tongues battling for dominance. He began to massage your clit before sliding a finger inside you.  

"Shit, Y/N." He slid in another finger before he began to slide them in and out of you very slowly.  

"Jai," you moaned at the feeling of his fingers filling and pleasing you.  

It was then you felt him lift up off you a bit and heard a drawer open and shut. You opened your eyes to find Jai ripping open a condom package with his teeth. You began to stroke him slowly, enjoying the feel of the soft but hard appendage in your hand. Jai stopped you seconds later, moving your hand before he quickly began to slide the condom onto his fully erect length. You bit your lip as you felt yourself become even more aroused at the sight.  

Jai quickly discarded the wrapper and turned his attention back to you, lowering back on top of you as he had been before. He began to run his length over your core and bundle of nerves slowly. You were torn between watching his actions and staring into his eyes, but once you met his striking gaze, you couldn't tear your eyes from his.  

Just as Jai was beginning to slowly slide into you, you closed your eyes at the feeling. A loud moan left your lips.

Seconds later, Jai was whispering into your ear, "Open your eyes, Y/N."  

You obeyed Jai's request and met his heady gaze, his pupils fully dilated.  

It wasn't long before Jai began to find his rhythm as he began his languid thrusts. You began to meet them as soon as he quickened them.  

You tried your best and failed to hold in a gasp as his fingers grazed your clit, causing your hips to jerk at his touch. "Mmm, you've been ready, haven't you?" He asked as he began to trail his lips and tongue down your neck.  

"Yes, I've been ready since I sat on that stool," you answered, surprised you could even form words at the moment.  

"I thought I noticed you squirming a bit," Jai said against your skin, his fingers moving away from your core and up your stomach. "And, now, I know why."  

"How could I sit still with your hungry eyes studying every inch of my body?" You asked, your fingers running into his curls as he nipped your skin.  

"Hungry eyes, huh?" Jai asked innocently, pausing a moment. "I don't know what you're talking about."  

"Bullshit," you answered, growing brave and pushing him onto his back. You straddled him once again, turning the tables on him as you began kissing his neck and chest. "Two can play this game, you know," you teased with a smirk.  

"Oh, I don't think so," he quickly turned you back over so you were on your back once again and your legs were hugging his broad hips, his body flush against yours. He grabbed your wrists gently and pinned them above your head to the bed, his thrusts becoming harder. "You give up yet?"  

You swallowed and moaned at the sexy, smug smirk that Jai wore at his victory. Instead of retaliating, you leaned up a little to kiss him, quickly wiping the smirk off his face as he returned the kiss.  

You tried moving your hands out of his grip so you could touch him again, but gave up once you realized he had no intention of letting them go. Instead, you intertwined your fingers with his as the two of you grew closer to the edge.  

You began to teeter on the edge minutes later, trying your best to last just a little bit longer. You tried not to make it so obvious, but knew you were failing miserably as your  restraint was quickly unraveling. You could sense that Jai was reaching his breaking point as well as his movements became more erratic and desperate with each thrust.  

When he finally released your hands, it was to trail his own down your body. It felt like your skin was on fire everywhere that his skin touched yours. His lips trailed shortly after, flicking his tongue across your slick, salty skin every so often. One hand tangled into his curly hair while the other gripped his shoulder, nails digging into his skin.  

When his hands reached your hips, he slipped one of them between your bodies, surprising you when he flicked his thumb over your throbbing clit. It was all you could do to not to scream at the sudden overwhelming sensation.  

"You're amazing, Y/N," Jai whispered seductively into your ear.  

A shudder ran down your spine and a few seconds later you finally let go, allowing yourself to embrace the release. A strangled moan of his name fell from your lips as you rode out your orgasm.  

Jai soon released a deep, guttural groan when he found his own release moments later, shutting his eyes and gripping the mattress underneath him to hold himself up. He soon gave up and gave into exhaustion as he rolled over onto the mattress beside you, quickly disposing of the used condom.  

With your breathing ragged and your mouth dry, you turned over slowly to face Jai, snuggling into his warmth. It was all you could do to place a soft kiss on his lips before laying your head down on his chest and surrendering to your own fatigue. No words were needed as you held onto each other.

As you awoke a few hours later, you noticed that the earlier sunlight streaming into the windows had been replaced with darkness. As your memories of that afternoon came flooding back into your mind, you glanced in Jai's direction, a small smile forming on your lips. You found him sound asleep with his arms and legs tangled with yours.  

It took a few minutes, but you finally managed to extricate yourself. After taking care of needs in the bathroom, you padded quietly back into Jai's room, finding him still asleep. You remembered the drawing that Jai was working on that afternoon on as you noticed the paper and book that had gotten tossed to the side on the floor.  

Sitting on the love seat, you reached down and picked up the book and paper, studying his handiwork. Taking a peak back over at Jai, you quickly grabbed his discarded t-shirt from the floor and pulled it on over your head before taking the drawing out of his room and downstairs.  

Turning the light on in the living room, you sat the drawing down on the sofa before retrieving a glass of water from the kitchen. You returned to the sofa, downing some water on your way. You set the glass down on the table in front of you and picked up the drawing, allowing yourself to study it.  

You were studying the drawing so intently, you didn't even notice when Jai entered the room. His masculine scent suddenly tickled your senses just before he reached the sofa. You tore your eyes away from the paper in your hand, looking up at his tall form in front you.  

"I thought you might have left," Jai said before sitting down beside you and pulling you to him.  

"No, I just didn't want to wake you," you replied, running your fingers over his.  

"What do you think?" He asked, pulling a few strands of hair behind your ear.  

"Even though it's a naked drawing of myself, I love it," you replied leaning back against his muscular chest.  

"I know it's not anywhere near as good as any of yours," Jai commented.

You looked into his slate blue eyes. "I actually think it might be better than any of mine."  

"How do you figure that?" He asked, looking intently at the drawing. "Your drawings are so much better than my shitty attempt at one."  

"Because every time I look at it, I'll remember today," you paused, your eyes glancing at Jai's lips. "I'll remember that you made me brave enough to take a chance, even if it just started out by me bringing back your hat."  

"You're welcome," Jai comment with a smirk.  

You raised your brow. "Who said I was thanking you?"  

"Oh, it was completely implied, and I think you want to thank me some more." Jai started to kiss you before you placed your fingers on his lips to halt his movements.  

You stared into his eyes a few moments before he began kissing your fingers. "Fine, I think you might be right."  

"Might be?" Jai asked, pulling you onto his lap.  

"Shut up." You leaned in finally, meeting his lips in a passionate kiss. 

A/N Continued: I really hope that you guys enjoyed reading this story! Thank you guys so much for taking the time to read it and for all of your lovely comments on it! I really do appreciate each and every one of them. You have no idea. ♥

« Part 4

[mbtizone]

Clarke Griffin (The 100): INFJ

Dominant Introverted Intuition [Ni]: Clarke isn’t trying to preserve her former way of life. She doesn’t want things to stay the same. Clarke advocates for change. She works towards a better future. She wants peace between the Arkadians and the Grounders. Clarke is skilled when it comes to devising plans. She can see the big picture and knows the value of forging alliances with other clans (Ni-Fe). She’s good at focusing and doesn’t get sidetracked from her goals. When the group of prisoners land on the ground, everyone else gets caught up exploring and marveling over the many wonders of the Earth. They soak up the sunlight, jump into the water, and run around, enjoying the new sensations. Clarke, however, is determined to get to Mount Weather. She scolds the others for not keeping up on their journey because she has her goal in sight. She needs to get everyone to Mount Weather, where they can seek shelter and get food. Survival is the most important thing. Everything else is just a distraction. Clarke tries to be prepared for any situation, and has contingency plans just in case her original one goes awry (taking over the bunker in case Octavia loses the conclave). Clarke’s Ni and Fe often team up to allow her to persuade people into doing what she wishes. She can sense what other people want and what their motivations are and exploits that to convince them to do what she tells them.

Auxiliary Extroverted Feeling [Fe]: Even though Clarke is able to put her emotions aside in order to do what needs to be done, she is extremely empathetic and feels every decision that she makes. While Clarke is capable of making impossible decisions that get people hurt or killed, she has a difficult time in the aftermath because of her capacity for empathy, and has a difficult time being around her people because of the guilt she feels once the deed is done. However, her reason for making the choices she makes is for the greater good of her people. Her main priority is the survival of humanity. She thinks in the long-term, beyond just her people, to future generations (Ni-Fe). Clarke believes that she knows what’s best and immediately falls into a leadership position because of the way she takes charge and tries to keep everybody safe. Clarke is able to make sacrifices for others, even if she has to do something unspeakable to get the job done. When Finn is to be mercilessly tortured before being killed, Clarke steps up to put him out of his misery so he doesn’t have to suffer a slow, painful death. She makes tough calls that will get a number of people killed, but will ultimately save more people. She is accepting of having the weight of the world on her shoulders, because that means nobody else has to carry the burden of guilt. She understands the value of building positive relations with the Grounders and strives for harmony.

Tertiary Introverted Thinking [Ti]: Because Clarke has a sharp, analytical mind, and is very good at speedily assessing situations, she is quickly able to come up with the most efficient solution to a problem. As long as the decision makes sense to Clarke, she acts on it. She doesn’t need to discuss it with anyone else. Clarke trusts her own logic and, even though the decisions are difficult, she makes the call she feels is necessary. During times of stress, Clarke can loop, ignoring her auxiliary function in favor of making her Ni vision a reality through her Ti rationale. Clarke is inquisitive and asks a lot of questions so she can understand the specifics of a situation. When Finn tells her to make a wish on a shooting star, she wants to know why because it’s “just a rock burning up in the atmosphere, why would that make your wish come true?” Clarke can become frustrated when she determines the best resolution to a problem and somebody ruins it because that was clearly their best option.

Inferior Extroverted Sensing [Se]: Although Clarke is a planner and focuses on the future as opposed to living in the present, she does have an awareness of her environment. She can think quickly on her feet if a situation arises suddenly, and can react to it accordingly with her surprisingly good reflexes. When Octavia is attacked by a sea creature, it is Clarke who immediately thinks of distracting it by throwing a boulder into the water. Her quick thinking works, and Octavia is freed. When Clarke arrives at Mount Weather, she breaks the glass and holds it to Maya’s neck, forcing her to take her to her friends. She doesn’t understand when someone make reckless a decision with no regard for the consequences and often chides people when they do. When she first meets Finn, she reprimands him for going on an illegal spacewalk that costs the people on the Ark a month of oxygen. Clarke takes action in dangerous situations if it’s to serve her Ni goals, as opposed to just doing so to enjoy the sensations. For instance, while Finn and Wells are trying to figure out a way to procure the seaweed without being attacked by the creature in the water. Clarke is charging right in and grabs it. She enjoys in the feeling of shooting a gun and, though she doesn’t do it often, she is capable of letting loose, having fun, and enjoying the moment.

Note: I know that a lot of people will disagree with my typing of Clarke. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her typed as anything other than XSFJ, but I just don’t see Si or Ne in her. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, of course, but I really wanted to get this typing out there to give people a different perspective.

Enneagram: 6w5 So/Sx (Tritype: 628)

Quotes:

Clarke: Hey, guys, would you try to keep up? Finn: Come on, Clarke. How do you block all this out? Clarke: Well, it’s simple. I wonder, ‘why haven’t we seen any animals?’ Maybe it’s because there are none. Maybe we’ve already been exposed to enough radiation to kill us. Sure is pretty, though. Come on.

Clarke: Follow me. Bellamy: And why would I do that? Clarke: Because you want them to follow you, and right now, they’re thinking only one of us is scared.

Bellamy: Look. If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven. Please come inside. Clarke: Take care of them for me. Bellamy: Clarke! Clarke: No. Seeing their faces every day is just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here. What we did. Bellamy: You don’t have to do this alone. Clarke: I bear it so they don’t have to.

Abby: The rules have changed. This gives you a chance to live. Your instincts will tell you to take care of everybody else first, just like your father.

Bellamy: You’re up? Clarke: Yeah, knowing that hundreds of people might be dying on the Ark makes it pretty hard to sleep. Bellamy: Raven’s flares will work. Clarke: A radio would’ve worked better.

Clarke: So, what does this seaweed look like? Wells: Like that. Hey, that thing that bit Octavia, how big was it? Finn: Big. We could rig this into some kind of a net. Find something to lower it into the water. [Clarke walks straight into the water] Finn: Or we could just do that. [Clarke starts grabbing the red seaweed and then walks back to shore with it]

Clarke: Well, I don’t know. Do you want the people you love to think you’re dead? Do you want them to follow you down here in two months? Because they won’t if they think we’re dying.

Finn: Unity Day is a lie. The Ark only came together after the 13th station was blown out of the sky. It’s just not the version of history we like to tell each other at parties. Clarke: The Unity Day story gives people hope, though. And peace came out of that violence.

Clarke: I tried… I tried to be the good guy… Abby: Maybe there are no good guys.

Clarke: Show my people how powerful you are. Show them you can be merciful. Show them you’re not a savage.

Clarke: I love you, too. Finn: I’m scared. Clarke: You’re gonna be okay. You’re okay… [draws back her bloody knife] Finn: Thanks, princess.

Clarke: It can’t be that simple. You said there’s fuel in those rockets, right? Enough to build 100 bombs. Raven: I also said we’ve got no gunpowder left. Clarke: I don’t want to build a bomb. I want to blast off. Raven: Draw them in close. Fire the rockets. A ring of fire. Bellamy: Barbecued grounders. I like it. Finn: Will it work? Raven: You give me enough time, I’ll cook them real good.

Clarke Griffin (The 100): INFJ was originally published on MBTI Zone

[angelsandemons]

So it’s offically been about a year since I started this blog. I joined this fandom near the end of the show, so I’ve seen a lot of people come and go, but BOY did I not expect to get this fair. Even if things are slowing down now, I have an unreal 959 followers, several of whom are still active. And I plan to continue to be one of them, I ain’t going anywhere.  I’ve met SO many lovely people over the past year, I couldn’t possible begin to cover it all in a single post.

However...

There are some members of this fandom that have made an especially big impact on me. You guys have been a joy, an inspiration, and a pleasure to interact with both IC and OOC, so I want to say a few words about each of you now in one big, disgustingly mushy post.

What Dying Fandom? I Don’t See A Dying Fandom Look At These

@mynameisdopper: Compared to many on this list, I’ve known you for a relatively short time, but I already feel as close to you as I do most of my long-time friends. I love talking with you almost every day IC and OOC, I love the thought and insight you give your characters, including ones in other fandoms like @conniethejam and @rosefquartz, and I love the skill you put into your replies. And even despite that innate talent, you NEVER stop striving to improve. You also have a sense of humor that matches mine almost exactly, and that’s something I’ve learned not to take for granted over the years. But most of all, you have a heart of gold, all jokes aside, and I know you are going to do great things. I know you already have.

@pine-dexter: I still can’t believe it took me so long to find you, but every moment since has been a treat. I love hearing your take on Ford, I love exploring post-show scenarios and post-show AUs with you, and I love indulging extensively in our trashy ship together, be it via IM RP or simply exchanging horrible fanfics we’ve found. And of course, on the occasion we DO get to thread together, that’s always a pleasure. We need to do it more.

@llamanorthwest: You might be the youngest member in this section (not in terms of your actual biological age, but in regards to how long I’ve known you), but I’ve gotta say: I had high hopes for you because of our mutual friends, and you STILL surpassed them. Your take on Pacifica is really interesting, and your writing for her is a CONSISTENT joy. I’m still over the moon that you were willing to explore the LTOLOXA AU with me, and that you seem to get just what I’m going for with Bill.  Not to mention I love the art you draw for it, it gives me life. I can’t wait to RP more with you in the future. 

@widdleolgideongleeful​ as well as @leavethattomabel​: Your Gideon is top notch in all the ways, and you’ve gone above and beyond the source material in a way all roleplayers should aspire to. You’ve kept him IC while still adding a unique flare of your own, and it never fails to entertain. Your passion is contagious, and constantly fuels my drive to continue improving and exploring my own character in new and exciting ways. The same is true for your Mabel, but I’ve gotta say, like to be REAL honest with you here...your Mabel has taught me something else too. This is gonna sound kinda mean (hey you already knew I was a bitch), but the other big lesson your Mabel has taught me is to never judge a book by its cover. When I first came across your Mabel blog, I was THAT roleplayer: I saw your layout, I saw your huge icons, and I thought “this is someone who only kind of knows what they are doing, but ehh I guess I’ll give it a shot”. In time, of course, I discovered you were an EXCEPTIONAL roleplayer, and most if not all your design choices were very purposeful, especially on your blog layout. And rightfully so: I mean it DOES look like a blog Mabel would make. Finally, portrayals aside, you are often a joy to discuss things OOCly with, be it GF related or something in RL, you always carry that unique insight with you in whatever you do.

@flannelandchill​: Wendy can be a surprisingly hard character to nail down, if only because she’s very much portrayed from Dipper’s perspective in the show, and that’s an obviously skewed view. But when I read your writing for her, I don’t JUST see the super cool redhead (though that certainly is still there), I see the side of Wendy only briefly shown in canon: a girl who is stressed just like the rest of us. And I love, love, LOVE how you work those two together so seamlessly. I look forward to all our interactions, always, and your appreciation for my portrayal never goes unnoticed. Please continue to stroke my ego.

@captivatinginnocence​: From the very beginning, I could hear Mabel’s voice in your writing loud and clear. You have a masterful command of her tone and characterization, and you carry that to places I’ve never seen other Mabel RPers go. Seriously, do you know ANYONE else who explores her later years in life to the extent you do? As if that wasn’t enough, you are an AMAZING artist, and a very generous one too. I treasure each and every “doodle” you send my way, and love the care and effort you put into every aspect of your character. It’s always a pleasure to write with you, even if I might take a while to reply sometimes. Same goes for OOC convos about life too! And I’m super thrilled that you’ve decided to dip your toes into the SU fandom with @fantomshards recently too, bringing all that skill with you.

Dormant In Activity But Not In My Heart

@stanfordsixerpines: As my first Ford on this blog, you will always have a special place in my heart. Back when I still had a lot of shame about this billford ship, you were ready and willing to jump in the deep end with me, and never looked back. I love everything we’ve done together, and look forward to anything we might do again in the future.

@hillbillyisms​ as well as @stan-punches​, @soosquestion​, and a bunch of others honestly and every single one is worth a follow becasue this mun writes em: You are perhaps the oldest friend have on here, considering I met you back when I first started on Tumblr in the Legend of Korra fandom, and we are still in occasional contact. We’ve always been so in sync, to the point that the LoK fandom legit thought we were the same person for a while, and I still feel that connection with you now. Although you might not think yourself a success story, I have and will always see you as a victor over the massive shitstorm life has thrown at her, someone who came out a writer in all the ways, despite all the odds. And you continue fighting every day, all the while never falling short in the quality you produce, even if it has understandable lulls in output. You’re always worth the wait, and I’ll always be here ready to pick up where we left off.

@sweatersandsprinkles​: We’ve RPed quite a bit in my post-show verses, and have always talked very extensively OOC about new and exciting possibilities. I love the relationship our muses have formed with each other, and I love the darker directions you are willing to take those interactions without sacrificing the fluff. You are a constant reminder that one doesn’t HAVE to choose between cute and dark, you can have a weird medium. And isn’t that what RPing Bill is all about?

@illusionare​: Unicorn, most of your muses I know of are just as much a majestic bastard as your name implies (except for Mickey Mouse wtf), but YOU are a SWEETHEART. You are one of the few users on this website I would honestly unironically call senpai. You’ve been an inspiration to me ever since I followed you on @desbearer, and you continue to be as you come out of every hardship in your life a little brighter than you were when you went in. Both in real life struggles and roleplay ventures, you constantly make me think “well if she can do it, why not me?” You are an unapologetic meme, artist, and writer – a true gift to us all. Never forget that. And even though your Bill might be on the inactive list here, the little interaction we DID have helped me get over one of my biggest irrational fears: interacting with other quality Bill Ciphers. And we both know you have an unwavering dedication to your murder bear, so that’s pretty awesome.

The Cross-Fandom Treasures I Never Expected

@sandsofchaos​: Never did I ever think I’d find such a perfect match for Bill, dare I say MORE perfect than my in-fantom OTP.  I mean go figure it’s chaos herself, right? I don’t think I’ve ever had this deep a relationship with another muse outside the fandom I roleplay in, and I love every second of it.  As a mun, you are probably the other one on this list I can unironically call senpai, because I really truly look up to just about everything you do. Your writing is top notch ALL the time, and your dedication to your character despite an obvious lack of fandom is a constant reminder to me that all you need is a vision and a passion. In real life too, you’re an inspiration to me; whatever you might think of yourself, I see you as a successful woman I hope to be as I continue my life, and it’s a blessing to see first hand that I don’t need to give up roleplaying to do that.

@yellingmetatron​: We don’t talk AS much OOC, but you still need to be on this list because your character absolutely floors me, both in concept and execution. Like with Eris, this is a relationship I never would have dreamed of my Bill muse having, but it just fits SO WELL. Your dedication is inspiring, and again, even though we haven’t talked a great deal OOC, you’ve privately helped me work through some pretty difficult questions early on regarding my portrayal of Bill, and I’m forever grateful for that.

@familiarfortunefox: I’ve asked it before and I’ll ask it again: how do you make a quality RP blog for a fandomless wolf with no powers or special abilities, except maybe speech? It’s such a mundane concept, a lost cause, and yet you’ve tackled it anyway with great success. And the fact that you revived it just to RP with my human Bill? I’m still not over it. You’re also the first blog in literally YEARS that I have actively enjoy the autoplay for, so kudos for your taste there. I know I’ve been slacking on our roleplays, but know that you are in my thoughts nonetheless.

@thecaptainofcrunch​: Technically this is the same mun as the afore mentioned Dipper, but since I have a specific unholy cross-fandom ship with this FUCKING CEREAL MASCOT, I felt the need to mention it here. You are a meme Dean, a fucking meme, and I hate you for getting me to ship this. 

Now these were just some super special people that have had a special impact on me and/or this blog in particular.  This ISN’T an all-inclusive list of roleplayers I love and adore. But as you can see, this thing has already gotten PRETTY freaking long, so just know that if you aren’t on here, I still love you.

Although...

There are some RECENT arrivals I want to give a quick shout-out to because I got my eyes on you. I know what quality l👀ks like when I see it. Call me.

@tadsthename, @mystcriiious, @bruiiser​

And that’s about it! Oh, but one more thing: although this isn’t someone I’ve RPed with on this blog very much, she IS a big part of the reason I finally checked out Gravity Falls at all a little over a year ago, so a quick shoutout to @marelapis as well. 

[xivu-arath]

attack on quinn

aka storm continues to get Super Invested in swtor storylines and had to flesh out some stuff from the sith warrior line some more

and then I remembered I suck at ensemble scenes

“It’s fine, Vette,” Rkorya said, which wasn’t quite right – the air around her was doing that low hum of danger  – but Vette had all kinds of experience with walking into danger at this point.

“Vette?” She looked up from the holo-screen, frowning – that was Pierce at the door, which hadn’t exactly happened before. Sure, the ship was small enough that they were all pretty used to each other by now, but it wasn’t like they were close. Pierce was usually comming old war buddies or cleaning his weapons or tagging along for more Imperial missions. Sometimes they had drinks together, because at least someone here had a good sense of humour. Right now, though, he looked surprisingly serious – an expression that made her instincts twinge with warning. “My lord wants to see you in the cargo bay.”

The cargo bay? That wasn’t any kind of usual meeting spot.

“Right, okay. I’ll be right there.” He nodded and moved off, heavy boots echoing in the hall. Why had Rkorya sent him to fetch her? Usually she just got a quick comm, or if she was on ship, she’d just stop by herself. For all her nobility and haughty Sith airs, she was a lot more... personal, with the crew. Apparently anyone who was worth the trouble would get the nexu’s share of genuine interest and careful attention.

Thinking about it for too long made her head spin. There was luck, and then there was... well, being handed off to a Sith apprentice who became a rising star in the Empire and who believed in freeing mouthy slaves.

Still, no point in hanging around in her quarters. Her blasters were always near to hand – she’d asked in one of those very confused first days, if she was allowed to keep weapons while on the ship, and Rkorya had looked at her like she’d gone mad. According to her, being able to efficiently answer any kind of threat was a lot more important than the risk of a slave turning a blaster on her – then again, even back then that might not have done much.

Holstering them, Vette headed over, senses alert for anything else that might be off. Sure enough, the ship was... a little quieter than it should have been. It didn’t take long to figure out why; almost everyone was in the cargo bay.

“Wow,” she said uneasily, stopping just inside. “This is either a surprise party or a meeting of who to throw off the ship.”

“I wish,” Pierce muttered, which... did the opposite of helping her feel better.

“It’s fine, Vette,” Rkorya said, which wasn’t quite right – the air around her was doing that low hum of danger but Vette had all kinds of experience with walking into danger at this point. “This is neither. You might consider it a proper debriefing, which I feel all of you are owed.”

“We’re missing one,” Jaesa said, hollowly nonchalant. She didn’t sound like she minded much.

“The Captain isn’t welcome to this session, and I’ve put him to some makeshift work that should keep him busy. Still, I’d like to keep this short.” Vette blinked. Someone was in trouble – serious trouble, from the sound of it. “You all remember the incident with the transponder.”

“Yeah, you had to go steal one, right? With the Lieutenant, because for some reason you decided not to take me along.”

“With how it turned out, believe me, you wouldn’t have wanted to tag along,” Pierce put in, settling back as Rkorya glanced at him. “Sorry, my lord. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No need. It’s difficult to repress your feelings on the matter – I’ll tell the rest quickly. In short, the entire trip was a deception, meant as a trap for me and whoever I took along, set up by Quinn.” That got one of those weird, warbling growls from Broonmark – she could never be sure if Talz were meant to make those sounds. “He betrayed me, or more accurately, remained loyal to Darth Baras from the start. The attack on the airlock, the leaks of information... those were his doing.”

Oh. Now the low-level rage simmering in the air made a lot more sense. Rkorya had spent a lot more time embracing her anger after that Draahg guy’s attack – she’d taken it even more personally than having a cave collapse on her. If Quinn had helped with all of that....

“So he finally decided to stop being squeaky-clean, and that’s how he does it? Wow. As bad ideas go, it’s almost impressive,” she said, trying to let it roll off her. So he’d tried to kill the person keeping all of them safe, who had fought for them, who laughed at jokes and took in weird, bloodthirsty strays –

Okay, ignoring it wasn’t working out all that well.

“These layers of rage... it’s exquisite,” Jaesa murmured. “I see why you decided to handle it like this.”

<We do not see!> Broonmark said, looming as he turned to face Rkorya directly. Vette eased back juuust a little – he was big enough already, let alone when he was bristling for this. Rkorya, totally insane Sith that she was, just faced him down calmly. <Sith clan has been tainted. This is a traitor – let us kill him for Sith! We will cleanse the clan in his blood!>

“You know, me and the Talz don’t usually agree on much, my lord, but none of us would mind doing the honours,” Pierce added. “Just seeing him walking around as if nothing’s happened...”

“Not quite nothing,” Jaesa said. “He’s been steeping in regret for days, now. I wondered at the change, but I knew my master would tell me if it was anything important.”

“Which I just have,” she said, tilting her head. “Calm yourself, Broonmark. If I’d wanted him dead, I would have killed him myself. As it is, he will bear the marks of his punishment for a while yet, and know that his life was almost crushed in my grasp.” There was the Sith they all knew and loved – after all, Vette had seen people do way less and get crushed or tossed around for their troubles. “Currently, we are at odds with most of the Dark Council, and only have subtle guidance from the Hand. Finding a competent and trustworthy officer to take Quinn’s place right now is nearly impossible. He is a traitor, but he still has his uses.”

“Oh,” Jaesa said softly, tilting her head back. “This is for Baras.”

“You learn well, my apprentice.” Was it just her, or had that feeling of visceral danger gotten a bit closer, pressed down a bit heavier? This was probably what humans meant about the hairs on the back of their neck standing up. “Having a tool of his turned against him, his plan rendered a failure... it will frustrate my former master to no end. And if he should prove his worth to me by the time Baras is dealt with... then we can drop him off somewhere suitable. Quesh, perhaps. Or Hoth. I’ve spent much time helping assure his reputation – I think it can handle a few dents if he makes it through this alive.”

Vette shook her head, realizing that she had to be the one person not on the murder train, since... well, everyone else was. Broonmark was still grumbling, just loud enough to make it hard to talk at a normal volume. “If the Emperor’s Wrath says someone’s not quite trustworthy... I’m guessing that’s going to be enough to keep him stuck on a backwater planet for a long time. I’d say, ‘remind me not to get on your bad side’ but I remember that all the time.”

Jaesa, it seemed, was still dreamily contemplating a future where you could keep people alive to infuriate other Sith about it. “Once again, my master, I’m in awe of your wisdom. I will remember this lesson, for when I have my own enemies to crush.”

“See that you do,” Rkorya said, sounding almost fond for a moment, before snapping back to sternness. “This anger that you feel – don’t stifle it. You may have to work with the man, but embrace your rage. He hurt you. You have earned it. And while he asked me not to share what he did with you... I see no reason to. Let him feel every bitter result of his choices.”

<That is not enough,> Broonmark began, voice rising to a distressed snarl, but Rkorya straightened and this time all of them, even Jaesa, couldn’t help stepping back a little. Vette had gotten used to her presence, sure, but she always held back on the ship, kept whatever weird Sith things she did restrained. Now, for a moment, Vette thought she could hear the metal in the hold straining from the pressure. Then, in a flash, the feeling faded, if not the results. Pierce, she was a little pleased to notice, had paled, and Jaesa had deliberately leaned back against the wall for some support. Broonmark bowed his head hastily. <Forgive us, Sith. We pledged our life to you – we will not disobey.>

“No killing,” Rkorya said, softly now, but in that stunned quiet it sounded like it could have echoed down the halls. “But I understand how you all feel. If you wish to express some of that feeling towards the Captain... nothing that causes too much pain, or risks affecting the ship or my tasks.”

Pierce smirked, the expression slowly unfurling. “I can think of a few things to do within those limits, my lord.” He paused, which was distinctly not like him – enough to get the bulk of her attention. “It – it feels good, to get this all out in the open. Not every commander would bother, nor every Sith Lord, either.”

“It’s better, like this. To keep what transpired hidden would only make it fester. If I can draw power from my own anger... I feel I should honour all of you with the same opportunity.” She looked them all over one last time. “Make it count.” With that she swept out, cape billowing and Jaesa wordlessly tailing her.

Vette coughed into the awkward silence that followed. “You know, you kind of... forget, after a while. And then suddenly... whoa.” She’d been trying to sound just cool and totally used to Sith flinging their power around, but a note of awe crept in anyways. Rude.

“Whoa,” Pierce agreed, and then risked more than she would have dared, nudging Broonmark’s shoulder. “Cheer up, Talz. I’m sure my lord’s gotten some battles lined up planetside to take us on that’ll make you feel better. Even if we can’t, uh... cleanse our little clan right now, I bet, sure as anything, she’ll let us at him eventually.”

<We will wait,> he grumbled, but at least he was calming down – the cargo hold wasn’t all that spacious, and an angry Talz took up way more room than anyone would think.

“What about you, Vette? You don’t seem as eager to dump him.”

“What, just because I’m not itching for a fight like you or Fluffy over there? Captain Boredom’s been wanting to slap a collar back on me and ship me to Korriban since the moment we met,” she said, a little surprised at how calm her voice sounded. Maybe this was a little of what Rkorya felt like – angry but only letting it seep through when she wanted it to. “If he messes up, well... I know my way around killing someone when their back’s turned. Buuuut for now, I’m going to get a drink. This has been excitement enough for one day.” And then, because not being able to keep her mouth shut was a curse that even travelling with Imperial military and two Sith couldn’t cure, “We’re lucky, you know. To be here, with a Sith Lord like her. For him to give that up for some creepy Darth in a mask –”

“Yeah,” Pierce said sombrely. “I hope he’s kicking himself over turning his back on that until the day he dies.”

<May it be soon.>

[theartgearguide]

Stabilo Aquacolor

Stabilo Aquacolor 

I think it is a safe assumption to make when I say that most, if not all of us, know the Stabilo name, be it from our school days and the stationary we used, the amazing Stabilo Fine Liners that so many artists love to use including myself and so many other stationary/art supplies. 

So about six months ago I looked about to see if they made colored pencils for me to review and obviously they did, however, at the time and here in the UK, they were not the easiest pencils to find. Many of the places I searched were either out of stock or stopped selling them, so I decided to try later. A month or so ago I decided to try again and I was pleasantly surprised to find sets available. However I contacted the company and spoke to a lovely lady who helped me out regarding information and sent me a few sets to review, this is the first of those sets I will be reviewing. 

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I am so glad that I persisted in reviewing these pencils because I had so much fun with them and feel they are a really wonderful set of pencils. To be honest, since using them, I have often wondered why I have not heard more about them on other review channels or forums etc. Perhaps with the wonderful explosion of colored pencil artists manifesting in the last year or so and the colored pencil medium in general taking off, more people will. 

Stabilo Sets Available

My only disgruntlement with the Stabilo range, and this is a minor issue and one I am nit picking over, is the limited range of colors available. For this particular range of Stabilo, the Aquacolor, there is a set of 12, 24 and 36 also the pencils can be purchased in open stock. 

The reason I mentioned the limited range is simply because I love the pencils so much. I must admit however, when it comes to water soluble type pencils, a set of 36 is actually quite a lot given that the colors can be mixed and blended much easier than that of water resistant pencils such as wax and oil based pigments. 

Stabilo Pencil Characteristics 

surprisingly the core of the Stabilo Aquacolor Pencils is 2.8mm and the barrel is 7mm, which in comparison to other water soluble pencils, they are quite thin. Throughout all the pencils I have reviewed I have discovered that most water soluble and pastel type pencils sport quite thick cores and therefore barrels. This difference in dimensions for the Stabilo Aquacolor has obviously no bearing on performance. 

The barrel is hexagonal in shape and each barrel is lacquered the same color as the pigment, this makes color identification quick and easy. However, as I always mention, when you get a new set of pencils it is always best to create a color swatch, this way you get to see exactly how the color will react on the paper you use. 

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Along the barrel, in gold print is the company name and the pencil name "Stabilo Aquacolor", this is followed with a paintbrush icon indicating a water soluble pencil and finally toward the end of the pencil is printed a number. The 1600 part of the number (1600/354) indicates the pencil is Aquacolor and the second number is the pigment color, all used for ordering purposes. 

Lightfast Ratings

Unfortunately, with the Aquacolor brand of Stabilo, this information is not easy to locate. There are no lightfast ratings on the pencil and I was unable to locate anything about this subject on their web site. So I would air on the side of caution and perhaps not use them for commissioned pieces as they require the most lightfast products. 

Stabilo Aquacolor Performance

I have absolutely loved using these pencils, in fact I also have been playing about with the Stabilo Pastel pencils and I love them also. When applying the pencils dry, they lay down so rich and smooth, in fact they feel very similar to a really soft wax based pencil. As you will be able to see in the video demonstration of this pencil, once the pigment is activated with water, the colour is fabulous and incredibly rich. 

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As I have already mentioned, throughout all the forums, live streams and testing of pencils I have done, the Stabilo pencils don't seem to be mentioned much, however, I really hope to change this because they really are outstanding pencils. 

The Rose below is the drawing I completed using the Stabilo Aquacolor pencils, this is really the first watercolor pencil drawing I have done and so I was really pleased with the outcome. You can also see this drawing in full, sped up, on the video review, just click the link. 

Pricing

Taking into consideration everything I have said about these pencils and how much I love them, then we talk about the price and this just makes them even more attractive. It is difficult to obtain excellent quality pencils for a cheap price, but here they are.

In the UK a set of 12 Stabilo Aquacolor will cost you £6.99, the 24 set will cost £11 and the 36 will cost £17. 

In the Us a set of 12 Stabilo Aquacolor will cost you $11, the 24 set will cost $19 and the biggest set of 36 will cost you $28. 

And for the lovely people in Europe, a 12 set of Stabilo Aquacolor will cost €8, the 24 set will cost you €16 and the 36 set will cost you €23. So all in all not very expensive, no matter where you live and excellent pencils into the bargain. I would like to mention to readers and viewers of Australia that as soon as Amazon open up a store for art supplies I will also include prices for you guys. I know that there are plenty of Art stores all over Australia that I could take pricing from, however, it is just more universal and easier to use Amazon. 

Conclusion 

I am really impressed with the Stabilo Aquacolor and the pricing is excellent, as far as I am concerned, an incredibly under rated pencil and I hope, with the explosion of adult coloring books and the medium in general, I really hope that the Stabilo pencil is more discussed and used.