#Kiryuuin Shou | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gb-fics · 4 years ago

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Dressed in Confidence

Fanfiction:

Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)

Note: So, you might have seen the self-cover Shou shared yesterday and it inspired me to write a fic right away. For the context: The character originally performing the song has a magic suit that makes him confident and popular with women. Please, don’t question how it works, we’ll just pretend a suit can magically change Shou’s appearance and personality in this fic ^-^ Also, if you haven’t seen the video, please check it out, because he is gorgeous in it and maybe it will make the story seem a little less random ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgzL_Ccmr1Y

„Just go over and talk to her already”, Yutaka urged quietly.

He didn’t know whom of the girls Shou had set his eyes on, but the glances he kept sneaking at the group of women opposite to their booth at the bar were more than obvious. Yutaka had waited to speak up until Jun and Kenji had went over to the counter to secure new drinks for themselves though. Shou was naturally self-conscious and Yutaka hadn’t meant to make him uncomfortable in front of the others. But his silent longing was becoming hard to bear.

“I can’t just do that”, Shou protested. Obviously, he knew what Yutaka was talking about immediately. He didn’t even seem surprised that Yutaka had noticed. “I’m not some kind of gigolo.”

Yutaka frowned. Although he was pretty good at seeing Shou through, he sometimes didn’t understand his reasoning anyway.

“Chatting up girls in bars and being a gigolo are two totally different things.”

Next to him Shou squirmed on the bench seat.

“I just don’t have that kind of confidence”, he whined.

“You are handsome, famous and you have money. Women have every reason to be interested in you. So, pull yourself together.”

Yutaka had lost count of how often he had given Shou similar pep talks already.

“I’m not”, Shou said right away. He cleared his throat. “I mean, I’m famous. And I do have money. But I’m not handsome.”

It was difficult to come up with the right reply to that. Yutaka never found the right words to talk about Shou’s looks.

“You should let them decide for themselves”, he pointed out.

Shou shifted his weight again. He reached down to check for the bag he kept on the floor between his legs. He had kept checking for it all evening, as if he was scared it might suddenly disappear.

“Please, if I go over there, I won’t even be able to look them in the eyes.” Shou winced.

Yutaka hoped that Jun and Kenji would hurry. The conversation was starting to make him uneasy. He didn’t know how to cheer Shou up without praising him, and he didn’t know how to praise him without making him uncomfortable. Being Shou’s friend could be difficult.

“What’s in the bag anyway?”, he changed the topic. Not the best solution, but at least a way to distract Shou from his self-pity.

“Ah, I wrote Party wo Tomenaide for that franchise, remember? They’re currently working on this magic suit and they gave me a prototype when I recorded the video for the self-cover. It’s supposed to make you cool and confident and popular with women.”

“And you brought it to the bar?” Yutaka hadn’t meant to let disdain sneak into his voice, but Shou pulled up his shoulders instinctively as if he wanted to shield himself from potential judgement.

“Just in case”, he said defensively. “We sometimes end up talking to women, when we’re in a group and I thought it might be a good chance to try it out. See if it even works. In case there is ever something I’ll need a lot of confidence for.”

Yutaka felt soothed to think Shou had only eyed the women as test objects to sate his curiosity about the suit and that he had not fallen in love from across the room. His tendencies in that regard were sometimes worrisome.

“Well then, give it a try”, he suggested. He had heard about the suit but hadn’t known Shou actually owned a prototype. He was curious, if it would work. Shou’s confidence could surely use an occasional boost and it would be great to no longer be the one responsible for it.

“If you insist”, Shou mumbled, but he was already fumbling with his bag. It was obvious he had only waited for some sort of permission.

He pulled out a suit coat and inhaled soundly before he got up. For a moment, he just stood there with the piece of clothing in his hands indecisively. Then he slipped it on in a surprisingly smooth motion.

All Yutaka did was blink and the next second, a completely changed person stood in front of him. Shou’s traditional Tamiya shirt had miraculously transformed into a silky, black suit. It even came with matching dress shoes. But it wasn’t just that. His hair had changed, too. It was styled in perfect shape and showed green streaks that made his look seem edgy and interesting. He was even wearing makeup that differed his usual style. A bright yellow flower stuck in his buttonhole.

Shou had transformed into someone so conventionally attractive, he might indeed start working at a host club.

Absent-mindedly he straightened his suit coat and turned towards the group of women.

He looked dazzling, but almost like a stranger.

Yutaka was surprised that he hesitated for so long before approaching the women anyway. He followed him with his eyes, curious how this would turn out.

Shou’s posture seemed straighter than usually as he walked through the room, yet he still managed to look awkward. He looked like a person who was arguing with himself about every step.

Finally, he stopped right behind a cute girl with bangs. Yutaka should have been able to guess it was her whom Shou had been watching. He would have chatted up her more light-haired friend, but when it came to Shou, she was just his type.

The girl didn’t notice him, though.

Shou just stood for a moment, although her friends had already noticed him. Seemingly, Shou had no idea how to draw attention to himself. He hesitated for far too long, before he reached out and tapped the girl on the shoulder. She flinched, which caused Shou to jolt in return and the whole situation was so awkward to watch, that Yutaka winced under his breath. The good looks and the confidence to approach women had done nothing for Shou’s coolness.

The girl turned around and even from across the room, Yutaka could tell that she seemed startled at Shou’s appearance. Her expression wasn’t annoyed but spoke of pleasant surprise. If a girl looked at you like that at first sight, it was very difficult to blow it.

Even from across the room Yutaka could tell that Shou would blow it.

Instead of looking at the girl while talking, he kept his eyes on the ground and his posture shifted, making it seem as if he wanted to curl back up into himself. He looked exactly as miserable and self-conscious talking to women as he had as a teenager. Everything about his body language radiated insecurity.

Yutaka sighed.

The woman shook her head. Instead of taking it with dignity, Shou managed to look even more miserable. Knowing him, Yutaka assumed he was probably blushing. He still didn’t make eye-contact.

After a very painful minute, Shou turned around and shuffled back to their table. He no longer seemed confident at all. His outward handsomeness remained, but it didn’t match with the way he carried himself at all.

“Sorry”, Yutaka said. “At least now you know.”

Shou sat down on the bench next to him again. Yutaka noticed that he wasn’t slumping down as usual, though, but sat surprisingly straight. It made him look taller and more self-assured.

“Too bad the suit is not working.”

“Oh, I don’t mind”, Shou said and turned towards him. His voice wasn’t as quiet and gloomy as Yutaka had expected. He spoke smugly. “I’d rather spend my time with you anyway.”

Yutaka eyed him suspiciously. The makeup suited him; his features looked more contoured and his skin smooth. His lips were always wide, but tonight they glistened invitingly. It was still Shou’s face, but the makeup brought out all its good qualities more strongly.

“What?”, he asked.

“Why would I waste my time with these women, when I can spend the night with a pretty guy like you?”, Shou asked. He was meeting Yutaka’s eyes head on. That was rare for him already, but tonight his gaze was challenging rather than stubborn.

Yutaka was so irritated by his unnaturally confident tone, that it took him a moment to realize what was going on.

“Oh, ha ha, very funny”, he said dryly.

“I mean it”, Shou insisted and placed his hand on Yutaka’s shoulder. He often did that, especially when he got tipsy and he had already had a couple of beers tonight, though by no means enough to justify him acting so out of character. His touch right now felt different, however. He wasn’t just seeking out body contact, he was using the gesture as an excuse to lean in, bringing them closer together. Suddenly, Yutaka was very aware of how close Shou was sitting.

“Let me buy you a drink”, he said, before turning around. Shou usually hated calling over the waiter and when they went to a restaurant together, he normally left it to the others. He was too shy and polite to raise his voice at strangers.

Now, he raised his arm and called out loudly: “Excuse me?” to make the young waitress turn around. “A bottle of champagne, please. Your most expensive one.”

The waitress nodded and headed off.

Shou turned back to Yutaka.

“Champagne? The expensive one? What’s gotten into you?”, Yutaka asked, still irritated. Before this, he could have written it off as a joke, but Shou would never waste money just to prank him. “You never order anything high-end.”

He still felt like he was talking to a stranger.

“Nothing but the best for my kitten”, Shou said.

Yutaka chocked.

“What?! What did you just call me?”

“Kitten”, Shou repeated. He sounded hoarse. His eyes trailed down Yutaka’s body and he didn’t try to hide the fact that he was shamelessly checking him out. It made Yutaka feel unexpectedly hot.

“Unless you prefer another pet name?”

And then Shou smiled.

It wasn’t a smug, cocky smile. His smile was warm and genuine and it looked just a little bit insecure as if he worried that he had crossed a line. It made Shou look shy and kind and charming. His teeth weren’t showing, but his lips seemed even wider and absolutely gorgeous and the small dimple on his left cheek didn’t seem as misplaced as usual, but it fit in perfectly with his handsome face. The smile turned him from a stranger into nothing but Shou, but the best version of Shou that he could possibly be. It was Shou the way he would look if he were no longer worried and self-deprecating; still shy but no longer scared.

Yutaka’s knees grew weak. But it wasn’t just his knees. It was his shoulders that suddenly held no tension anymore and his arms, that turned into butter and his whole body felt like it might just melt away when Shou smiled at him like this and called him cute names.

“Uhm”, he said.

“Your champagne”, the waitress interrupted them and Yutaka turned hastily, glad for the interruption that allowed him to clear his head. Something about this suit seemed to be working at least.

The waitress placed a bucket filled with ice on the table, that held a bottle of champagne. Steam was rising from the bottleneck, indicating that it had just been opened. Yutaka hadn’t expected it to be done for them already, but it was probably better that way. They would surely have created a mess otherwise.

The bottle came with four glasses and only their sight made Yutaka realize he had completely forgotten about Jun and Kenji. He wondered what was taking them so long.

“Let me get that for you”, Shou offered, although Yutaka hadn’t moved to fix himself a glass at all.

Shou placed his fingers on Yutaka’s wrist as if he wanted to physically stop him from helping himself. Once again, the gesture wasn’t untypical for Shou. He often touched people while talking to them, but this time, it had a different quality. Usually, his touches were distracted as if he didn’t really notice what his body was doing at all. But right now, he looked down on his hand resting on Yutaka’s bare wrist, and then he looked up, meeting his eyes, as if he wanted to make absolutely sure, that Yutaka became aware of the contact. His touch was fully intentional this time and Yutaka sensed heat creeping up his neck.

The touch lasted just long enough to not feel accidental, then Shou pulled back and reached for the bottle of champagne instead. He closed his long, slender fingers around the bottleneck firmly and took up a glass. His movements were secure and controlled. Yutaka had always admired Shou’s hands, that seemed too elegant and coordinated for someone who moved the way he did. But when it came to his hands, Shou always seemed to know what he was doing.

He poured a glass of champagne without spilling a drop and held it out to Yutaka.

Yutaka thought that with all the things that had changed, Shou’s hands had stayed exactly the same.

He took the glass and Shou held his gaze for a moment. It was Yutaka, who looked away first. Shou was wearing coloured lenses and his eyes were bright and intriguing. He didn’t seem in a hurry as he poured himself a glass as well.

Yutaka watched his movements closely. He could still recognize Shou’s way of moving, but he seemed less stressed and therefore less awkward. The only real difference seemed to be, that he was relaxed for a change and Yutaka wondered, if Shou would always look this sexy, if only he managed to put him at ease more.

Shou placed the bottle back into the bucket and held up his glass to Yutaka while meeting his eyes again.

“To a night full of fun”, he said. He said it like he was thinking of something dirty.

“To a fun night”, Yutaka agreed and clinked his glass to Shou’s. He did his best to make it sound less suggestive.

He emptied half of the glass in large gulps. The champagne made him feel bubbly inside, but he doubted it was because of the alcohol. This version of Shou made him nervous.

“Tastes expensive”, he observed lamely, although he couldn’t tell one champagne from the other.

Shou smiled again and once more, Yutaka thought that his lips looked stunning tonight.

“Oh, you guys ordered champagne!”, Kenji’s voice chimed in unexpectedly.

“When did you change, Shou? Is that the magic suit?”, Jun asked and pulled up his chair to sit down opposite to them.

Although Yutaka had hoped to be rescued from this weird tension, he still felt mad at them for interrupting.

Kenji placed himself on the bench next to Shou.

“He brought the suit to the bar to pick up girls, but it doesn’t work”, Yutaka declared maliciously. He was no longer sure if he was annoyed with Jun and Kenji for showing up, or for staying away for so long, or with Shou for acting so weird in the first place.

Shou patted the bench next to himself.

“Here, Kenji, come closer”, he said.

Kenji shuffled closer.

“Why?”, he asked. It was very much like Kenji to comply first and ask questions later.

Shou raised his hand and ran his forefinger across Kenji’s sharp jawline.

“So I can get a better look at your handsome face.”

Something inside of Yutaka constricted uncomfortably. He didn’t know why he felt so upset, but he couldn’t deny that he felt jealous of Kenji. Since the suit hadn’t worked on the girls, he had assumed it was only him having this effect on Shou.

“Oh god, what’s up with you?”, Jun asked, sounding seriously worried.

Kenji gave an embarrassed sound, but started pouring champagne for him and Jun as well without waiting for an invitation.

“The suit is turning him gay”, Yutaka explained nonchalantly and emptied his own glass.

“What’s turning me gay is sitting here with such cute guys”, Shou said lightly. He didn’t sound embarrassed at all. Rather than joking, he seemed flirting.

“That’s disturbing”, Jun said somewhat too loudly. “Someone get him out of this suit!”

Shou batted his eyelashes before looking right at Jun at the other side of the table.

“Please, Jun”, he said. “If you want to undress me, all you have to do is ask.”

Jun made a startled noise that turned into a mixture between a nervous laugh and a cough.

Yutaka placed his glass on the table too soundly.

Shou turned towards him. He leaned in closely.

“Don’t be jealous, kitten”, he said lowly. “I haven’t forgotten about you.”

Yutaka wondered how Shou had noticed his feelings without even looking at him, when Yutaka had troubles naming them himself. He felt oddly happy when he heard the pet name again. Shou hadn’t used it for Jun and Kenji. Maybe that meant something.

“I’m not jealous”, he lied and reached for the bottle of champagne. “I just need more alcohol, if you’re going to stay like this.”

He poured himself the rest of the champagne until his glass was so full, it nearly overflowed, before he put the empty bottle back onto the table.

Shou pulled the flower from his buttonhole. Up close, Yutaka could tell that it was a yellow rose.

“Here”, Shou said. When his voice was so low and deep, Yutaka’s body turned into butter again. He wondered, if Shou had the same effect on Jun and Kenji while wearing the suit.

“What are you doing? Get that thing out of my face!”

“Take it”, Shou insisted. “This one is only for you. To remind you, that you’re special to me.”

Yutaka hesitated. He wished Shou would sound joking, because a joking Shou was something he knew how to deal with. He still had the feeling that he was getting pranked, but he didn’t know how to avoid it.

He took the rose gingerly and placed it on the table plate demonstratively instead of keeping it in his hands. Shou’s facial expression was impossible to read. Yutaka could not tell, if he had offended him.

“It’s empty already?!”, Kenji complained. He had taken up the champagne bottle and studied it in disbelief.

“I can order another round!”, Shou offered right away and already raised his hand, but luckily, Kenji stopped him.

“It’s fine”, he said quickly. He seemed to be a little uncomfortable around this new version of Shou as well.

“Yes, I think it’s time we all go home”, Jun confirmed.

“No!”, Shou protested. “No, no! This party can’t stop! We have to keep drinking! Let’s celebrate all night.”

“It’s late”, Kenji pointed out.

“And you seem to need rest the most”, Jun agreed.

“You should take off this suit”, Kenji added. He spoke very gently, not like he was soothing Shou, but as if he was seriously worried about him.

“They’re right”, Yutaka said softly. He realized that he was worried about Shou, too. Tonight, he seemed unpredictable and possibly reckless. “Let’s pay the bill and then I’ll take you home.”

Shou turned and looked at him cheekily.

“I see, so you want to continue the party elsewhere.” His tone left no room for wondering what kind of party he had in mind.

“What? No!”

“I’ll take you to a fancy hotel”, Shou suggested and this time, he leaned in so far that Yutaka involuntarily pulled back. “Just give me a chance. If you let me, I’ll make you feel things that no woman has ever made you feel before.”

Yutaka’s neck felt hot again and now his face started to heat as well. He thought of everything that entailed. He thought of feeling Shou inside of him.

“Just let me try”, Shou coaxed, but he no longer sounded flirtatious. He sounded like he was begging. The despair in Shou’s voice scared him. He didn’t know what to do with it.

“Shou”, he said as sternly as possible and grabbed him by the shoulder to push him back. It felt like dealing with someone, who was very, very drunk. “It’s really time you take off that suit and get some sleep.”

Shou pulled back from his touch and wrinkles were showing around the root of his nose. The lines made his face look so characteristically himself, that Yutaka felt almost relieved.

“I don’t want to”, Shou said and finally, he sounded like his stubborn self again. “I don’t want this party to end.” He seemed to be repeating the words like a spell now and gestured towards the table as if he wanted to include everything. “I don’t want this night to end. I want to stay with you all night.” He gestured towards himself. “Like this.”

Yutaka didn’t fully understand what Shou meant, but his emotions seemed so raw and honest, it pained him anyway.

“You can’t, Shou. You are not yourself.”

Shou hung his head.

“I am”, he said. “I am.”

“Hey”, Yutaka said gently and touched his arm. Jun and Kenji stayed out of the conversation like they always did, when Shou turned difficult. It was only ever Yutaka, who managed to soothe him. “You need some rest.”

“Fine”, Shou agreed reluctantly. “But you have to take me. And I’m keeping on the suit.”

“Okay.” Yutaka sighed. He figured they could argue over the details later. He looked up at their bandmates. “Why don’t you guys go pay? We’ll pay you back later. I’ll make sure Shou gets home safely. Maybe the fresh air will help.”

“Alright”, Jun agreed. The fact, that neither of them argued about splitting the bill immediately although it contained the expensive bottle of champagne proved they were all irritated by Shou.

“Come here”, Yutaka said as gently as possible and took Shou’s arm to pull him up from the bench. “Let’s get you home.”

Shou followed without resistance. He picked up his bag, that was now empty and allowed Yutaka to guide him over to the front door of the bar.

It was colder outside, although the temperatures were warm enough that they didn’t need a jacket. The cold air cleared Yutaka’s mind a little, but finally getting some distance to Shou certainly helped as well. Inside the bar, he had started to feel dizzy.

Yutaka pulled out his phone and opened an app.

“I think I’m going to call us a cab, alright? We can’t take the train with you looking like this. Also, you might try to pick up random guys, if we don’t get you home straight away.”

“You’re jealous again”, Shou observed and this time, he sounded gleeful.

“I’m not”, Yutaka muttered and requested a ride before putting the phone back into his pocket.

When he looked up, he realized Shou was standing awfully close again. The suit seemed to be making him taller as well, because Yutaka had to look up to him slightly. Maybe it was just his straight posture in combination with the heel of the dress shoes though.

“Have you heard of personal space before?”, he complained and took a step backwards.

Shou took a step forward immediately. If anything, he was standing even closer than before.

“Sorry, that my handsomeness is making you nervous”, he said with a sleek grin. Yutaka had not thought that to be sentence he would ever hear from Shou unironically.

“Uh”, Yutaka said. He had been meaning to deny it, but Shou’s face was so close now, that he forgot how to say words.

“Shh, kitten”, Shou said quietly. He reached up and cupped Yutaka’s face with both hands. His touch was gentle but very secure. Yutaka could sense how bony and strong his fingers felt. They were surprisingly cool.

He knew that he was supposed to pull back, but he stood frozen, and he felt guilty for that. He knew that Shou was not himself and it was up to him to keep the situation from getting weird. But truth was, that he liked the way Shou touched him and he liked it when he held his gaze for so long and he liked it, when he called him kitten.

“Don’t”, he forced out softly anyway. “You can’t just do something like that in public.”

They were the only ones out on the street, but someone might walk out of the bar any moment. Anyone could see them.

“I don’t care”, Shou said. “I don’t want to worry about who could possibly see us. I’m tired of always worrying. I just want to kiss you.” He paused. “May I?”

Yutaka knew exactly what the answer was supposed to be. Under no circumstances could he allow this to happen, because it was reckless and dumb and moreover immoral.

“Yes”, he whispered.

Shou leaned in and kissed him with astonishing force. His kiss wasn’t hesitant at all. He kissed like he knew what he wanted. His lips were soft and his hold on Yutaka was firm. It made him feel very safe and oddly frail. He parted his lips and allowed Shou to kiss him like no one had ever kissed him in a public space before. Their teeth clicked together and Shou’s nose brushed his cheek and when he pulled back eventually, Yutaka was out of breath.

Shou looked at him and he broke into that sweet, bashful smile again, that looked so much like him, except lighter and happier than Yutaka had ever seen him before.

For a moment, he thought that he might just give in. He considered going back to a hotel with this new version of Shou, who would hold him in his strong arms and whisper sweet nothings into his ear and kiss him full of confidence. Yutaka would grow weak in his arms, because he was handsome and cool and self-assured.

But it wasn’t real.

“Stop it”, he said as gently as possible as Shou moved to lean in once again. “This is no good.”

“We can go somewhere more private”, Shou offered immediately.

Yutaka shook his head.

“It’s this suit. There is something wrong with it. It obviously works on men instead of women. It’s making you weird. You need to take it off.”

“No, no, please”, Shou said and he reached up instinctively, clawing his hand into the lapel of the suit coat as if he was scared Yutaka might try to tear it off. “This suit is not changing me. It’s just making me more confident. It’s … This is me. This is the version of me that’s in my head. It’s who I want to be. All the time. I don’t want to … I can’t let this end. I want to stay this version. I don’t want this party to end.” Vaguely he gestured back to the bar.

“So, you want to be someone, who promiscuously hits on all of his bandmates?” It had been meant as a joke, but it came out bitter. The way Shou had touched Kenji’s face made their kiss just now meaningless – regardless of whenever it was the suit or something Shou repressed violently.

“I want to be someone who is at terms with and open about his sexuality”, Shou blurted out.

Yutaka was pretty sure that the surprised was written all over his face. Before tonight, Shou had never indicated liking men at all.

“I want to be able to joke about it”, Shou said. “I don’t want to hide from the people closest to me. But most importantly, I want to show you how I feel. You’re the person I …”

He finally let go of his suit coat and his arm dropped down by his side as if he no longer had the energy to gesture at all.

“I wanted to try if the suit worked. I thought, if it does, I’d one day wear it to tell you. I wasn’t meaning to do it right away. Things got out of hand. I was scared of this night ending, because … I don’t know what will come afterwards.”

Yutaka licked his lips.

“So, you …?”, he started, but didn’t know how to finish the question.

“Yeah”, Shou confirmed. “I love you. And when I’m wearing this suit … when I’m wearing it, I’m cool and handsome. I’ll keep wearing it. And if you give me a chance, I think I can make you like me a little too. You allowed me to kiss you like this. You are at least somewhat attracted to me in this suit. I can be this version of myself for you. I’ll keep being it.”

Yutaka shook his head slightly.

“What are you going to do?” He wasn’t mocking Shou. He was sad, because Shou sounded so desperate. “Keep wearing the suit in your sleep?”

Shou shrugged and smiled helplessly.

“I hope they’ll design magic pyjamas soon”, he said.

Yutaka looked at Shou and all he saw was a handsome host. He had no idea where the despair in his voice was coming from. It was as if he couldn’t see below the pretty surface at all.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”, Shou plead. “I confessed to you. Don’t I deserve an answer?”

“Please, take off the suit”, Yutaka said. He suddenly felt exhausted. He was tired of dealing with this person in front of him. He just wanted to talk to his friend. “I want to give you a proper reply, but I can’t when you are wearing this suit.”

“It makes me better”, Shou insisted.

“This …” Yutaka gestured towards Shou and the green streaks in his hair. “I feel like I’m talking to a stranger. I need to make sure it’s really you.”

Shou looked at him for a long time and Yutaka was convinced he would decline. But then he nodded and slowly took off the suit coat.

He blinked and then Shou was already different.

He was back in his Tamiya shirt, his arms bare and pale and awkwardly holding on to the suit coat. His hair was blonde again and looked uncombed because he had run his hands through it early this evening. His face was flushed and bare and his eyes were tiny, but dark and so much warmer than when he was wearing coloured lenses. He kept his eyes cast down and yet Yutaka had the feeling he was seeing them for the first time tonight. He seemed small, hunched over once again and his head too large for his shoulders, making him look frail and in need of protection.

Yutaka felt a giant wave of affection rushing through him and he had to stop himself from wrapping his arms around Shou.

He had missed him. He had missed him so much more than he had ever expected. And he thought that this awkward little guy with the small eyes and the messy hair was the most beautiful version of a human being possible.

“Hey”, he said quietly.

Shou looked up briefly, but he didn’t manage to hold his gaze for too long, just as it had always been.

“Hey”, he replied.

“Do you …?” Yutaka broke off. For a moment, he considered that Shou might have forgotten about everything that had happened tonight. “Do you still feel the same? Without the suit?”

“Yeah”, Shou confirmed. “The same. Plus, an awful lot of regret for saying it out loud.”

Yutaka chuckled.

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” Shou looked down onto the suit coat in his hands. His hands still looked the same. “I behaved awful tonight. Sorry for putting you into a position like this. Let’s just forget I ever said anything. In fact, let’s just forget about this entire night.”

Worried lines were showing everywhere on Shou’s face. His face looked all weird and wrinkly. He looked like his old gloomy, over-thinking self again.

“I should probably burn this thing to make sure I never do anything this stupid again.”

“You probably should”, Yutaka agreed.

Shou had looked happier when wearing the suit, more relaxed. Yutaka wanted him to look this happy always, but he knew they’d have to find a different way for that.

“Sorry”, Shou mumbled again.

Yutaka paused for a moment.

“Though, if I’m honest, I’m going to miss you calling me your kitten”, he confessed jokingly.

Shou looked irritated. Yutaka let him suffer for just a few seconds more.

“I’m also going to miss you kissing me”, he added.

Shou looked up and sucked in his lower lip. His teeth were showing visibly. He looked by no means conventionally attractive and Yutaka loved him for that.

“Really?”, Shou asked insecurely.

“Really”, Yutaka assured him without hesitation.

Shou started smiling and it was the same smile as before. The warm one with the cute dimple, that made his lips look gorgeous and that was shy and hesitant, but finally happy without a trace of worry. And Yutaka thought, that they were going to get there and that they wouldn’t need a magic suit for it at all.

“We can always work on that”, Shou said. “Right, kitten?”

#Golden Bomber #Kiryuuin Shou #Kyan Yutaka #kirikyan #fanfiction #fanfic

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gb-fics · 4 years ago

Text

A Useful Gift

Fanfiction:

Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)

Note: It’s Shou’s birthday! (^-^) The fic is set during Gekkan and no one has to keep social distance ... because it’s funnier that way :D

„Now, let’s get to the good part”, Shou announced and eyed the three gift bags piled up in front of him. “Though your presents are usually shit. You never get me anything useful.”

Yutaka thought of rolling his eyes, but decided that it would be a little over the top. He felt self-conscious when the cameras were on them and tried to keep his expression as indifferent as possible. The viewers were supposed to laugh about the presents without getting distracted by their bickering.

He rolled his eyes mentally, though, because Shou always overdid it with the usefulness of his presents.

“Well, we’re only allowed to spend 1000 yen!”, Jun defended himself. “You don’t really get anything good for that.”

“I think you just suck at picking gifts”, Shou muttered and grabbed the first gift bag.

For a moment, Yutaka felt nervous that Shou would pick his one first, although he had put it out of his reach further than the others on purpose. But Shou seemed to understand the hint. Yutaka felt confident, that he had come up with something funny this year and they usually tried to put the most ridiculous gift last for the joke to hit harder.

Shou fumbled with the bag.

Yutaka hoped that neither Kenji nor Jun would steal the show, but he doubted they had thought of anything nearly as good. He had really outdone himself this year. He couldn’t wait to see Shou’s face.

“Oh, great”, Shou said dryly and held up a book. “Another photobook by Kenji. I can add it to my collection.”

“The new one was released after your birthday, so I thought you might want a copy!”, Kenji chimed. “It contains pictures of me. Isn’t that an amazing present?!”

Shou looked down on the cover with slight disdain.

“Because I don’t see enough of you on tour”, he said and put the book down.

Yutaka knew that he wasn’t going to open it. Shou felt that looking at his bandmates’ photobooks was somehow inappropriate. Which was ridiculous in case of Kenji specifically, because they had all seen plenty of nude pictures of him already. Sometimes, Yutaka thought that he knew Kenji’s body better than his own.

“Aren’t you happy?” Kenji was shouting. He sounded cheerful and it was hard to tell if he expected Shou to be overjoyed for real. His voice was teasing yet proud at the same time. Kenji loved showing off his body.

“I’m delighted”, Shou said sarcastically.

“If you liked that, you’re going to love my gift”, Jun said.

Shou made a face, indicating that he was expecting the worst.

He picked up Jun’s bag.

Yutaka licked his lips nervously. He really hoped the gift was going to be as unspectacular as Kenji’s photobook.

Shou reached into the gift bag, making a big show out of feeling around in it.

“There is nothing in there!”, he complained. “Did you get me something this small?”

“It’s not about the size”, Jun said.

Yutaka smirked, but refrained from making a joke.

Finally, Shou pulled something from the bag and held it up. If anything, his expression was even more grim this time.

“Thanks, Jun”, he said without any enthusiasm. “Just what I needed.”

Yutaka looked at the acrylic stand in Shou’s hand, that showed Jun mostly dressed in white.

Shou placed the item on top of Kenji’s photobook and looked down on them for a moment.

“Do you really hate me this much?”, he asked.

“Oi, those are good presents!”, Kenji shouted.

“You can put it on your shelf, so I’ll always be watching over you!”, Jun added.

“Sounds like my personal nightmare”, Shou muttered and pulled the last gift bag towards himself. “This better be good, Yutaka. If it’s something with your face on it, I’m going to scream.”

“Don’t worry”, Yutaka said with a grin. “This one is going to be good.”

Shou gave him a doubtful look, before he put his hand into the bag.

Yutaka’s heartbeat picked up pace. He really hoped this was going to turn out as funny as it had in his imagination. Shou talked about his AV watching habits openly, yet he got flustered by things like looking at a bandmate’s photobook. Yutaka was curious into which category this gift would fall. A part of him really was curious how Shou felt about these things, although that intention had been secondary of course. Yutaka was mostly aiming for a laugh here.

Shou felt around and his eyes widened in a comical expression. He was clearly putting on a show for their viewers, but it still made Yutaka feel giddy with anticipation.

“Well, I know exactly what this feels like”, Shou observed. “But I doubt …”

He pulled the gift out of the bag.

“Oh, never mind”, he said and held the flesh-coloured dildo up for the cameras. Yutaka wondered, if they were going to blur it. He had gone for a naturalistic look. “This is exactly what it felt like.”

“You said you wanted something useful”, Yutaka said, pleased with himself. Even from where he was seated, he could see that the comment section was going wild. “And this is the only one of the gifts you can actually use.”

“Oi!”, Jun protested.

Yutaka looked at him with a stern expression.

“Name one thing you can actually use an acrylic stand for”, he challenged him.

“That … that thing isn’t much better”, Jun said and pointed to the dildo, that Shou was still weighting in his hand.

“Well, I can name one use for it at least”, Yutaka countered. “If you want me to elaborate …”

“Shut up!”, Jun shouted and nearly broke down on his table with laughter. He always laughed harder, when he felt embarrassed.

Kenji was cackling as well.

Shou put the dildo down on Kenji’s photobook quite carefully.

“I thought the other presents were giving me the finger already, but this one takes the message of ‘Go fuck yourself’ to a whole new level.”

Yutaka couldn’t help laughing. This was what he had always liked about Shou. He was funny, not just when it came to writing shows and developing concepts, but he was also spontaneous and never missed a beat. Secretly, Yutaka had hoped he would get a little more flustered about the present, but he took it with dignity; not giving away how he felt about this kind of toy in general.

“You’re welcome”, he said.

“But isn’t it too big?”, Kenji chipped in. “I mean, look at how big it is! And Shou is so small!”

“Fuck you too, Kenji”, Shou huffed.

“Seriously, get up, get up!”, Kenji shouted.

Shou sighed loudly but got up from his seat.

Yutaka snatched the dildo and held it up next to Shou’s hip for comparison.

“Kenji’s right”, he agreed. “If you shove it up your ass, it’s practically going to come back out of your mouth.”

“Oh god, do you have to talk like that!”, Jun complained hysterically. “Just put that thing away.”

Yutaka noticed that he eyed the dildo as if it was a weapon that might attack him anytime.

“There is no way it will fit!”, Kenji repeated. “It’s even bigger than Jun. Look at the girth. And Shou’s anus is so small!”

“Could we not discuss my asshole in public?”, Shou asked and sat down again.

Kenji leaned over the table and formed a small circle with his fingers, that he held right into the camera. “It’s this tiny!”, he shouted.

Yutaka turned and slapped the dildo right into Jun’s face.

Jun started screaming.

Yutaka laughed maliciously.

“Kenji, stop that, put your hand down”, Shou scolded, but he had to laugh in spite of himself.

“Take that thing out of my face, you are being gross!”, Jun shouted, while Yutaka still tried to rub the toy against Jun’s face. Jun raised his arms to defend himself, but he did it so uncoordinatedly, that he nearly fell off his chair.

“It’s not gross. It hasn’t even been used”, Yutaka disagreed. “Yet.”

“Don’t make me think of it!”, Jun protested.

“He’s not going to use it. It’s too big”, Kenji insisted once again.

The only one, who didn’t say anything about possibly using it or not, was Shou himself. It only made Yutaka more curious.

Jun finally lowered his arms to stop fighting and Yutaka lost interest immediately. He put the dildo back down onto the photobook. He still wondered, if they had blurred it. If so, his attack on Jun must have looked pretty ridiculous to the audience.

“You still have to chose your favourite”, Yutaka pointed out.

“Right!”, Kenji agreed. “Please pick your favourite gift.”

“It’s really going to be a tough decision”, Jun said. As usual, he sounded nervous for no specific reason.

Shou stared down on his gifts with an indifferent yet somehow resigning expression.

Yutaka licked his lips. He wasn’t sure what Shou was going to pick. Of course, it would be the gift of which the choice would be funniest to the fans. Shou was that type of person. Yutaka felt oddly stressed, because he himself wouldn’t know how to play off any of the choices as a joke. Maybe he’d pick Jun’s acrylic stand and claim it was at least good for throwing things at.

“I pick the dildo”, Shou finally said after a long pause. “It’s an awful present, but it’s the only one where I don’t have to see one of you idiots.”

“I knew you’d like it, homo”, Yutaka said smugly, but he couldn’t deny that he felt a little surprised. He would have expected Shou to be too uptight to even joke about it. Just sometimes, he wondered about Shou sexual orientation, but he had never dared to ask.

One of the staff members rushed in to collect the items from Shou’s desk to create space for him, although they had already reached the end of the stream anyway. The opening of the gifts had been the climax so to speak.

“That was it for today”, Shou started and Yutaka tuned out while he continued talking next to him. Shou talked a lot on these programs. Occasionally, Yutaka felt like he might as well stay home. A nap would have been a nice alternative.

He only sprung back into life to wave everyone goodbye and wish them a good night. He himself had to suppress a yawn.

“Ah, today was fun, wasn’t it?”, Jun asked as the cameras stopped running. He seemed to have forgotten that someone had slapped a dildo into his face earlier.

“Did you enjoy your birthday, Shou?”, Kenji asked.

“You could have tried a little harder with the presents”, Shou pointed out. “But thank you for participating.” He always scaled down his grumpy act when they were in private as if he was worried it was his duty to motivate them and tell them they did a good job as their band leader. Neither of them had ever viewed Shou as that type of leader, though, and he always seemed a bit helpless when he tried to thank them. Yutaka thought that it was somehow adorable, though.

“Well, I’m going to remove my paint before we leave”, Kenji announced.

“I’m coming with you”, Jun agreed and jumped up.

The staff members were busy carrying the camera equipment out of the room. Yutaka always felt a little uncomfortable watching them do actual work, while he just earned his money sitting around and letting Shou do the talking. He felt useless, but if he offered to help, he’d mostly be in the way, because he never knew where to put the equipment and one time, he had even dropped a pretty expensive mic.

Shou got up and stretched himself. He always seemed bothered by sitting for too long, but it was probably only because of his bad posture.

He looked around the room.

“Did you see where they put the gifts?”, he asked.

“What?”, Yutaka teased. “Are you that eager to look at Kenji’s nudes at home? Just follow him on Instagram like everyone else.”

“No, of course not, I want the dildo”, Shou said. He spoke seriously and not like he was joking at all. It was hard to tell, though, because he was still looking around the room instead of facing Yutaka.

Yutaka’s throat felt oddly tight.

“You do?”, he asked, keeping his voice flat to not give away his emotions.

“Sure”, Shou confirmed. He walked around the tables and started checking the floor as if the staff might just have dropped his gifts.

Yutaka got up awkwardly as well, leaning against the table as he watched Shou. He didn’t really know what to do with his body, but it felt wrong to just remain seated.

“I wasn’t lying, it’s the best present. I mean, I always wanted to get a proper dildo, but then couldn’t bring myself to actually spend the money. I’ve been using a plug for years.” Shou was just rambling on while walking the room that was now empty aside from them. He didn’t look at Yutaka. “Not one of those small, glittery ones, mind you. You know, the mean-looking, black ones, that are more spikey.”

He turned around and indicated a quite impressive size considering he was only talking about a plug.

“You know?”, he repeated and looked at Yutaka so expectantly, as if he really assumed he knew exactly what kind of sex toy Shou was talking about. He’d probably seen it in AVs before and assumed the rest of the world watched as much porn as him.

Yutaka shrugged, hoping to look more knowledgeable than he was.

He tried not to imagine Shou using anything dildo-like on himself. How flushed he would be and how aroused and how naked.

“Glad my present turned out to be …” He cleared his throat. “… pleasing.”

Shou turned around again, continuing his pacing through the room.

“I just wish you hadn’t picked one that’s the size of Godzilla’s cock”, he complained.

“Oh no, it’s not. Godzilla’s cock was too expensive”, Yutaka said dryly.

Shou laughed.

“Seriously, I wonder if Kenji is right though. I might not be practiced enough to make it fit.”

Yutaka licked his lips. Shou’s casualness made him insecure. He did not want to think about how practiced Shou was in this regard or what that practice looked like in detail.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you were actually into gay sex toys”, he huffed out to defend himself.

Shou turned around again and frowned.

“What are you talking about?”, he asked, sounding annoyed. “It’s a toy. It doesn’t have a gender. It says nothing about your sexual orientation. It’s gay when you are with another man. But when I’m doing it by myself, there is no other man involved. There is nothing gay about enjoying some additional stimulation. It’s physically pleasing regardless of whom you are attracted to.”

As much sense as Shou’s words made, they still confused Yutaka. He felt a disappointment, that surprised himself. He hadn’t gotten the gift with a certain intention after all. It had been meant as a joke, something that would make the fans laugh.

“If you say so”, he mumbled, making it sound sarcastic. He felt like he wanted to avenge some sort of hurt that he couldn’t quite name. Shou’s statement hadn’t invalidated him in any way after all. “I just wasn’t expecting it from you.”

“Oh, trust me, if you can do it by yourself, I’ve tried”, Shou said.

Yutaka tried to laugh, but his throat felt too tight for it to come out naturally. It sounded as if he was coughing.

“Whatever”, he said, scared that Shou would offer any more details that he wouldn’t know how to deal with.

“I didn’t take you to be this prudish”, Shou bit out sharply, seemingly aware that Yutaka was trying to change the topic.

He had crossed the room completely now and had stopped short in front of the tables again.

His words were clearly meant as an accusation. Yutaka felt like they were fighting, but he didn’t know about what. He felt angry at Shou, although he couldn’t explain what kind of reaction he had been hoping for. And Shou seemed angry at him, although Yutaka felt like he had stayed pretty neutral.

“Well, not all of us need to stick to toys to enjoy themselves”, he said, although he knew it was Shou’s weak spot. He was sensitive about not feeling attractive enough to be desirable to others. It was the kind of comment, that was aiming to hurt Shou, even though Yutaka still couldn’t explain his reasons for that.

“So, you prefer real cock?”, Shou shot back immediately.

The question came so unexpectedly that it left Yutaka speechless.

It wasn’t what he had meant to say, but he didn’t know if he was supposed to deny it either. Shou had sounded angry, but also a little insecure. Yutaka couldn’t tell what answer he was hoping for. The mood shift had come too suddenly.

“I …”, he stuttered. “I mean … I did before, yes. Sex with men, I mean. By no means often, though. I …”

He broke off, because he didn’t know what else to say. He had wanted to tell Shou for a long time already, but he had never known how to bring it up. He hadn’t been sure about his reaction. Whenever it was not outright introduced as a joke, the topic of homosexuality always seemed to make Shou somewhat uncomfortable.

Shou nodded.

“I thought so”, he said quietly. He no longer sounded angry at all. “I’ve always wondered.”

“I was wondering how you would react to the dildo”, Yutaka confessed. “I was curious.”

Shou walked towards Yutaka and sat down on the table next to him. His feet were dangling just a few centimetres above the floor. Again, he was sitting hunched over.

“How does it feel?”, he asked. “Sex with another man?”

Yutaka shrugged. Both of them were looking into the same direction instead of facing each other.

“Good.” He paused. “I mean, it’s much the same as sex with women. It depends on the partner and the situation. But generally speaking, it’s good.”

“I always felt silly”, Shou confessed. Yutaka didn’t know when their conversation had turned this quiet and serious. Shou right next to him seemed fragile all of a sudden and Yutaka wanted to hug him, and was scared he’d fall apart under his touch all the same. He remained sitting still.

“I’m attracted to men like I’m attracted to women, but I never had sex with a guy. I just don’t know how to get there. It’s like I’m still the same sad virgin I was in my early twenties. Like, a half-virgin. I turned 37 today and still haven’t unlocked half of my sexuality.”

Yutaka snorted with laughter, although he knew that Shou was serious.

“I thought I’d feel less stupid if I used a proper dildo at least. Like, less as if it’s all just in my head.”

Yutaka snorted again and shook his head.

“You define your sexuality yourself. It’s nothing you have to unlock”, he pointed out. “And what happened to toys being inherently genderless?”

“It’s a silicone cock, Yutaka”, Shou said. “That’s gay.”

Yutaka burst out laughing. Suddenly, he felt very affectionate towards Shou.

“I should probably ask the staff where they put it”, Shou added and sighed.

“Really?”, Yutaka mocked. “You’re just going to ask where they put the sex toy you were meaning to stuff up your ass?”

Shou groaned and made a face, that caused his nose to wrinkle. He still wore his makeup, which usually made him more conventionally attractive, but once he made faces, he looked more like himself again. In Yutaka’s opinion, that made him a lot cuter too.

“You are right, I should just write it off as lost. Too bad, tonight promised to be fun.”

Yutaka’s neck felt hot at the thought of Shou actually planning to use the dildo tonight.

He pushed himself off the table, so he could face Shou, who kept his eyes lowered.

“You know you don’t need to have sex with another man to validate that part of your sexuality or your identity, right?”, Yutaka assured.

Shou nodded reluctantly.

“Yes, intellectually, I know that.”

“And you wouldn’t do anything stupid you’d regret just to prove something to yourself, right?”, Yutaka carried on.

Shou nodded again.

“I’m not stupid”, he muttered.

“And it still means so much to you?”, Yutaka asked.

Shou finally looked up. He wasn’t wearing contact lenses tonight and his eyes were dark and clear.

“It does”, he confirmed. “I’m curious. But I don’t just want to do it with anyone. Then it wouldn’t be so hard. I want it to be with someone I feel comfortable with. Someone I care about and who’s willing to put up with me when I’m being awkward.”

“Yes”, Yutaka confirmed. “Sounds like a dildo alright.”

Shou reached out to slap him.

“Asshole”, he said with a slight smirk.

“Seriously, though”, Yutaka said. “It’s my present that got lost, so I feel like I have to compensate you.”

Hesitantly he reached out and took hold of Shou’s hand. It felt warm and Yutaka hoped that his palm didn’t feel sweaty. He was nervous.

“Let’s go home and celebrate your birthday properly, what do you say?”

He looked at Shou and for a moment feared that he would pull back and get angry at him. Not for liking guys, at least in that regard they seemed safe now. But for risking their band and their friendship and offering something to Shou he might not even want.

“You know, the dildo was nice”, Shou said and broke into a wide, unashamed grin. “But I told you, it seemed too big for me anyway.”

#Golden Bomber #Kiryuuin Shou #Kyan Yutaka #kirikyan #fanfiction #fanfic

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