#planning to keep it that way btw ;)
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Average university experience
#based on real life events#don't do this btw it has horrible long lasting consequences.#finals may be killing you but keep that routine up and they /might actually/ end you#last year I had the idea of a uni au which stayed as various notes. drawings and a few drafts#well I have finally started to work on it recently to flesh it out better#I'm planning to stick to the plan of it being a fun thingy to have. mostly just to put them in Uni Situations yk yk#it's the ultimate projection au for a myriad of reasons. putting vash in my major and ww in one of my most dreaded classes but actually mak#him enjoy it will be therapeutic to me in soooo many ways. loved the class. fuck the teacher tho. ww won't go through the same#however he will be cursed with Knives so wtv#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#Trigun Uni! AU
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Odysseus: demanding Athena take off whatever enchantment she put on him the second the situation ends.
Odysseus: who constantly reminds Athena that he has great plans to grow old and die with his wife so don't even think about getting any ideas.
Odysseus: side eye diomedes who has started fucking glowing he has so many enchantments on him: bro you should talk to Athena about getting those removed. You're going to end up immortal or some shit
Diomedes: who has been a solider since he was 5 who has intersting thoughts about his own personhood who has a much more traditional relationship with Athena and would rather literally stab his own eye out with a rusted sword than speak out of turn: I don't know what you're talking about
#odysseus#Diomedes#Athena#This is more pulling from my own headcanons than any source material#But I have a lot of feelings about the narritive physically changing a character and how well that works with the idea that#Becoming immortal is a slow process more of a slide than an abrupt change#And I have a lot of feelings about diomedes becoming immortal and how odysseus only ever wanted to be a man#And how diomedes was having a much more mortal experience and odysseus experiencing so much magic and monsters and gods#And how every step of the way diomedes only ever politely thanks Athena never argues only does his duty#And how nearly everything odysseus met tried to change him or keep him and how he fought against that with his whole being#Also a lot of feelings about the traditional reward for heros was immortality#This obviously does not include all the times Athena treated odysseus like a barbie doll because ody was 98% not aware of that#Athena post the whole ajax going insane thing: that was fun#Odysseus: great yah super fucking fun love when my allies go mad with desires to torture me to death BTW#Take off the invisibility spell I want nobody trace of it lingering on me I am remaining mortal if it kills me#Athena: definitely not pouting you're no fun one little spell isn't going to permanently alter you#Odysseus: I am not taking any chances any invisibility I have is going to be my own fucking skill and your excellent training not magic#Diomedes: internally:after getting the ability to see through illusions and see gods#Should I mention this to Pallas Athena? Did she mean for me to keep it? Is it bad if I keep using it?#Is it even more disrespectful to not use it? Surely she is aware that I still have this? Surely it would be an insult to her intelligence#To remind her that would be casting doubt on her memory and perhaps it is part of a plan and#Who am I to question pallas athenas plans who am I but her devout weapon better to not mention it or any of the other lingering magics#Diomedes realizing a hundred years after the fact that he is in fact immortal: ....should I mention this?#Athena finds it funny to try to sneak magic onto odysseus it's a game for them because their both rat bastards#But not post odyssey it's just triggering then#Actual child solider diomedes#Greek myths
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brodinsons AU where they are both acting the entire time the plot occurs. They both know both sides of what is happening at all times.
#brodinsons trying to plan a way to preserve both of them and it just keeps getting more and more difficult#like Loki tells Thor his arm went blue in the fight and Thor is like. oh. we SHOULD leave. and Loki is like yea u distract i'll get everyon#Thor hand Loki having a mind link of some sort idk like Loki falls and that genuinely wasn't meant to happen but then the link doesn't die#Thor knows Loki is being tortured with Thanos and Loki knows Thor is stuck on Asgard#Loki tells Thor to be Odin's favourite until the man dies and Thor convinces Loki to 'just attack Earth then'#they act out the 2012 movie#Loki goes to prison and is like ugh just leave me here \(´O`)/#and Thor is like okay fine but only until father dies. BUT THEN THE ELVES ATTACK#they get out and pretend to be at odds#Loki dies#Loki wakes and is like hey im alive im going after Odin and Thor is like i'm a LITTLE BUSY FIGHTING FOR THE UNIVERSE!!!#and Loki is like mmmmmmm doing it now#Thor finally wins and is like whew im so exhausted........... loki? you there?#and Loki is like. well yes. im here. in Asgard. you should come back! Odin is gone btw#Thor: where did he... go...#Loki: aged care home#Thor: ........................................... *cackling*#Loki: :D#Thor: got em good
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Eyes on me – an interactive whump story. Part 5.
Previous part. Masterpost.
Content: institutionalized slavery, imprisonment, dehumanizing language, it/its for an inhuman whumpee, pet whump, whipping, blood, physical abuse, withholding of food, training, torture, intimate whumper, carewhumper, mentioned pet death, tell me if i missed something
Lord Teelo didn’t strike.
He lowered his arm, eyes never straying from holding the creature’s terrified gaze. The room reeked of blood, now streaming down the lord’s fingers in a warm waterfall. He worked hard on pushing his fury back, taking it under control as many times before. He was in control. He would show it, careful and persistent and levelheaded. He would make sure it remembered the lesson forever. The crop was not meant for punishments, it was too short, too soft – he hadn’t meant to punish it. He was going to be a kind and gracious owner. It had left him no choice!
He opened the door, finding the redheaded guard still in the corridor.
“Get a proper whip,” he ordered. “More chains – gods damned handcuffs, whichever idiot thought of leaving it like this?! And a knife, scissors – or whatever, something to file its atrocious claws.”
The guard stared at him, not in the face – at his arm. Lord Teelo felt it – the consistent drip-drip-drip of his blood. He didn’t feel the ache yet. Nothing but the quiet, cold fury he couldn’t wait to unleash at the world. Haltingly, the guard started, “Should I bring someone to take a look at–”
“I have told you what you should do,” his voice came out as a hiss.
“Yes, my lord,” the guard saluted and hesitated only a moment before running down the corridor.
Lord Teelo closed the door with a loud crash. He paced inside, steps echoing around the room, as the pain slowly started to radiate out. He hated it. Oh how he wished he could slice the thing’s skin just this moment, not waiting for anything and anyone. He picked up the crop once more, stoped before the creature – it cowered to the very corner between the wall and its cage, never letting its eyes away from him. Oh, now it was looking. It dared to look!
“You think yourself smart?” the lord hissed. “Think you did something good for yourself? Oh, no, you’re gonna regret this. You’re gonna regret this so much.”
The pain seeped into his consciousness with every heartbeat, radiant and nauseatingly familiar. He held a handkerchief to the cuts until it filled with deep red. He threw it away – it landed in a wet disgusting lump on the table, by the bowl of wet disgusting meat. Oh how the lord had tried to be a nice host, how he had tried to accommodate this, this–
“Damned, ungrateful, hateful beast!” Lord Teelo roared. The glass of the bowl nearly slipped from his bloodied fingers when he grabbed it, and then shattered to thousands pieces to the side of the creature’s head. Its dinner fell onto the floor, useless. Oh, it wouldn’t get any, it would have to work, to beg for any crumb from then on – it would regret, regret it so much!..
The door slid open soundlessly after a short knock, letting in the heavy footsteps and the clanging of metal. The lord turned on his heels, facing the guard. “And why in the world have you not brought a damned healer!” he hissed. “Can’t you see I’m bleeding out!”
The guard blinked. “But you have–”
“YOU DARE ARGUE WITH ME?!”
He was struggling to breathe, chest heaving with effort. The blood was still warm down his arm, still bright on the broken glass and light wood of his floors. How could the idiot not understand!
There were chains in the guard’s arms and a leathery length of the whip. Lord Teelo snatched it and demanded, “Chain it up!” The guard hesitated, opened his mouth. “NOW!”
He did. The lord watched as he came to the beast, careful with his steps, cautious of it. It squeezed itself deeper into the corner. Lord Teelo could see it shaking. He was delighted to see it shaking. The guard reached out, the first cuff prepared, and Lord Teelo watched from a step away as it lifted its hands up, close to its chest. Its teeth were bared, pupils wide and eyes wider. It tried saying something, but what came out was only a mess of sounds with no meaning.
The guard squeezed its arm even as it tried to avoid it. It whined and fought back, tried getting out of the grasp, tried pushing him away, tried and fought and struggled as he cursed under his nose. Its claws went through the skin of his palm ripping out a sharp hiss. It managed to raise its hind leg as the cuff clicked around its wrist, its claws scratching against the metal in an effort that only delayed the inevitable.
Lord Teelo had little patience left. He stepped forward, connecting his heel with the middle of the creature’s tail. It yelped, flinched backwards – its head connected with the wall, and before it could regroup the second handcuff was in place. After that, restraining its legs was only a matter of time.
“Turn it around,” the lord ordered. Chains clang as it fought in an ever increasing panic. “To the wall, yes… yes, just like that.” The locks rattled, forced closed. The guard let the key fall onto the ground, forcing the creature to kneel. It hid its tail between its legs, whining as its head was pressed into the wall. “Is the chain short enough? Will it be able to move?”
“I don’t think so, my lord,” the guard answered.
Lord Teelo played with the whip, trying it out. “Good. Go fetch the healer– wait. I need – something sharp, something – to secure on its tail. See how it hides it? I need something it can’t hide from.”
The guard looked puzzled. He eased his hold in a test, and the creature threw its whole weight backwards, fighting the chains. They held. Kneeling, with its tail hidden and only back visible, it looked strikingly like a human. “Perhaps clothespins, my lord?” It wasn’t what he had in mind. What he wanted – it wasn’t that. Not this easy, tame solution.
“It would work,” he drew out. He would go to the smith when he had time. He had an idea, oh, that would be a genius idea. “Just this once."
He flexed his left arm and rubbed his right. It hurt as all deaths, but it had stopped bleeding. He failed to crack the whip the first time but managed it the second, inches from the creature’s back. The guard bowed, taking it as a sign to leave.
The creature mumbled and mumbled more, sounds a meaningless mush falling from its tongue. If Lord Teelo was generous, he could see it as an apology; he would not even entertain the possibility of giving in to it, of course.
The second crack was right by its ear. It flinched and curled up further but couldn't hide.
It wailed when the whip connected with its back – so loud, so quickly, taken by surprise. Lord Teelo bared his teeth in a smile and struck again, violent purple already flowering on the gray of its skin, and struck again without waiting – three, four, six, twelve hits in a row, as it flinched and writhed and cried out.
He paused afterwards, and saw as it tensed, first, its whole body shaking with the effort of breathing, hiccupping in what sounded almost like sobs. He waited, watching how it trembled more and more. He let it marinate in the anticipation, the fear coiling and coiling with no release, the stinging of its sore back growing as its patience ran thin.
When it raised its head, just barely, as if to look, the whip snapped through the air again.
It screamed out. He didn’t give it time to recover.
The lord hit it with no pattern, pausing and continuing at his leisure, until his arm grew heavy with pain and the creature nearly silent. Lord Teelo could only hear its labored breathing, air forced out of its body with every strike. Its back bloomed with purple that gave way to red when the skin opened, the new lines covering the rainbow pattern in an unstructured, repulsive mess.
Oh, he nearly pitied it, trembling pathetically in the corner. Then he rubbed his arm and the sharp pain was enough to remember why he didn’t.
He struck for the last time, lazily, with his left, and then a few more for a good measure. When a polite knock announced the guard’s return, he felt pleasantly tired, like after a good work out. He called out for the man to enter.
The guard did and the healer, an old woman the lord knew for most of his life, followed in. She looked the room over with stony, unreadable expression, and Lord Teelo met her gaze with a nice enough smile. “You’ve got your toy,” she stated and that was all the attention the creature got from her.
She made a quick enough work of the wounds: cleaned and bandaged them up after applying that miraculous numbing cream the lord appreciated since early childhood. The creature would appreciate it even more, he thought, glancing at the pathetic thing. It had shifted at some point, stretching its legs just a bit but keeping its head hidden. Its body shook violently, trembling so much it in itself looked tiring.
“Should I look it over?” the healer suggested, all business.
The lord huffed, “What would the point of a punishment be then?”
The woman looked him over with that annoying, unreadable gaze. “Call me whenever you change your mind,” she bowed and left when he dismissed her.
Lord Teelo tried the clothespins with interest, forcing the spring to coil and then letting it go softly around his finger, just a tad, until it started hurting. “Good enough,” he concluded finally and got up.
The creature flinched when his boots stopped by its form but didn’t try anything. “Poor thing,” he drew out and crouched, ran his fingers along its back lightly, brushing fingertips over the painful ridges of future bruises. Its breaths hitched, but it didn’t make a sound. “And all you needed was to not act like a brainless brat to avoid all this. You have no one but yourself to blame, silly thing,” he told it. It didn’t answer, shivering under his touch but not attempting anything stupid.
“But maybe you can learn,” he hummed and moved his hand down to where its tail started. It tensed even further, if it was possible at all. “Let’s just make sure the lesson sticks, huh?” It curled up even further as he tagged on its tail, releasing from under the creature’s body. He flickered it back and forth and rubbed between his fingers and was satisfied when it sobbed and shuddered but remained motionless otherwise.
“Like this, yes,” he muttered. With the softest touch of his second hand, he stoked its head. “But look at me now. Eyes on me,” It didn’t understand. He caught a fistful of its fur and tagged. “Eyes on me.”
Too drained to resist, it lifted its head as he guided it. “Eyes on me,” he demanded again, and it either guessed or truly learned – its gaze settled on him, focusing to the best of its ability – and, oh, what a pathetic mess it looked, eyes bloodshot and wet in ways he’d thought only a human's could be, dark lines from where it pressed into the floorboards marking its cheeks. There was something red around its mouth – did it bite itself, the poor thing?
Lord Teelo clicked his tongue, smiled softly and released its fur. It settled back instantly, curling up again. Its tail remained in his hands.
He picked up the first pin.
It must have assumed at first that he was just playing like he had been, – at least, it didn’t seem to tense up too much, nor expect the sharp pain when he released the spring around its tail. It shuddered, head whipping up, staring at him once again. He smiled. Picked up the second clothespin.
It tried to get its tail free – oh, it tried as much as it could without hurting him, but he tightened the grasp and played with the pins as it couldn’t help a new whimper, and hushed it and urged it to sit still. “That’s for you to remember the lesson better,” he told it pleasantly. It must have cried, body shaking again, and tried to kick just once, the movement stopped halfway through by a short chain.
Lord Teelo wondered how many pins would be good for it – should he go with the whole set the guard had brought? He settled on five, at the end, a nice even number not even halfway through what he had. He was feeling rather merciful and forgiving, and it sounded just so pathetic.
He called the guard in to urge it into the cage when it was done. It didn’t even try fighting, following the man's tagging and pushing until it was inside, drawing its limbs close and curling up to fully fit. Nearly immediately, its fingers itched towards the pins, human-like thumbs ready to work on the problem. Lord Teelo snapped his fingers to get its attention.
“No,” he said, words dripping with finality. He reached through the bars and tagged its tail outside. “The clothespins stay here for the night,” he told it. It probably didn’t understand – there was so little thought in its eyes. He let go of it hoped for its sake it understood what he meant. He didn’t want to have to punish it so soon for their lack of common language.
When he went to sleep, the shaky breaths and the rare clanging when it tried to settle more comfortable sounded like a lullaby to his ears.
In the morning, his arm stung mercilessly and unendingly, and no melodies of birds and gentle sunrays could make his mood better. He turned lazily, letting his eyes fall onto the cage. The creature was curled inside of it, eyes shut tight and ears flickering restlessly. Its tail fluttered too, freed at some point from the pins, one of its hands curling around it protectively.
Lord Teelo felt stuck between endearment and irritation. He moved and the cuts on his arm ached, and irritation won.
“Hey… you,” he called and realized he hadn’t come up with a name. He should think about it as some point, he decided grimly, and banished the thought of the last pet he’d named, back in childhood. That was a just a cat, a stupid spoilt creature with too much attitude. The lord remembered the way it looked, painted red and unmoving, after crossing one too many lines.
The creature didn’t move at his call, either. He picked up an extinguished candle from his bedside table and threw it towards the cage. “Hey!”
There was no reaction. With an undignified groan, he forced himself on his feet and towards the cage. He rattled the key across the bars, the way that always seemed to get the creature’s attention.
It didn’t react. It was outright ignoring him!
Had it learned nothing?!
He reached through the bars and tagged on its tail, finally getting some response in return – it flinched weakly and grimaced. Slowly, its eyes fluttered open, but didn’t settle on the lord. They looked as if through him, unfocused and dizzy, and a pang of worry cut through the just rage when they closed back and its chest heaved, struggling for breath.
Something was wrong.
He reached through the bars and towards its forehead, forgetting for a second it wasn’t a human. The skin under his fingers was blasting hot and sickly wet. It moved closer to his fingers, all but nuzzling against him.
Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
Updates every 7-10 days (depending on how much time I have and how obvious the poll result is) (unless something goes wrong and it takes me too weeks to get myself to write something. I'm so very sorry about the delay!)
@isikedmyself878, @fraugustends, @otterfrost, @fuchstastisch, @3-2-whump,
@the-lone-youth, @will-o-the-wips, @catnykit, @granny-aaravos, @mj-or-say10
Tell me to be tagged in the new parts!
#okay that was rather long. I hope it's fun and worth the read!#“he was planning to be kind” yeah no keep telling yourself that#hes kinda pathetic in a way i find really entertaining to write#hes just having a full on tantrum over getting his arm scratched. the creature's paying for this tho!#I would like to talk to you about consequences btw! the creature is resistant but not immortal. it takes a lot to kill it but you just migh#i think its more fun if you know that you can push it far enough for it to outright die. so ill have options leading to this possibility :>#see how much misery it can take before its body gives out :>#...but also: please dont kill it im having fun#we need a name for it btw. please tell me what you think it should be called. well get to a naming poll eventually but ill need ideas first#also sorry for the delay! the writing wasnt writing. i would swear its an exception but no. its normal for me. it will happen again. sorry!#btw if some of you thinks (and finds the idea interesting) that the lords tantrum kinda sounds out of proportion and like the reason for it#goes deeper than a few scratches. yeah. yeah it does. i may have given him some trauma. and i might explore it#if you think its a fun thing to explore. tell me if you do!#whump#whump writing#writing#interactive whump#interactive writing#choose your own adventure#pet whump#slavery whump#nonhuman whumpee#intimate whumper#carewhumper
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Whispers Red Wine Supernova (I only heard a snippet from tiktok)
i... am devastated i never checked my inbox...
it's funny cause i was torn between Red Wine Supernova or Good Luck, Babe just the other day when i was wanting to do a follow up with Moon after making that comic with Sun ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯
#pingdoobles#one of my MANY wips i keep jumping from ideas of what to draw rip#this is not an animatic wip btw#i just plan my comics the same way i would an animatic cause it makes better sense in my head this way#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf dca#dca fandom#MORE CHAPPELL ROAN CAUSE I LOVE HER MUSIC AND HER VOICE UGH#pingquery
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thing one and dumbass two
#fengqing#is unfortunately who i was thinking of#why are they so stoopid#unfortunately the idea of a marriage-tied southern martial temple appeals to me greatly so i keep marching on the path of tomfoolery#tgcf#text post#my posts#heaven official's blessing#i thought it was heaven's official blessing for a VERY long time btw#like i read the book in like 2020/21 and i was corrected literally a month ago#embarrassing for my foolish mind#anyway im rereading mxtx books over the holidays#because theyre the only books of great length that will bring me joy and whimsy while interacting with my mother for a month#i also have crime and punishment on queue although i suppose its considerably less fun#i still need to read priory i will do it the time is nigh#and finish flv i have plans for something new but not until flv's finished i promised myself that#feng xin#mu qing#i hope they crash heads and die#its actually imperative that i finish tgcf i think i read it too fast before because i did not appreciate yin yu or quan yizhen enough#beefleaf of course remains iconic and toxic they stay winning. free sqx my girl was stressed of course they called the wrong name#have not forgive he xuan for not taking the infinitely more funny and angsty revenge of dating sqx and rubbing it in shi wudus face#tells the guy straight up hes black water and sqx thinks its shi wudus version of a joke when he tries to tell them#beefleaf#i only truly love ships with a friends/lovers to divorce arc to lovers its the only correct way to do enemies to lovers its about equality
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I present to you a little timeline :)
I have been having dreams about this story since way early march and im so happy I finally have the guts to go through with it all lmaooo no matter how wild it is
"hey ell what happened to this being a hurt/comfort comic" can you pretty please trust me when I say that everything comes full circle, the hurt comfort comics will return! I just want to have some fun first!
Anyways uhh expect a time skip next update!
#the discord got to see this early#hello discord I love you discord peoples#btw if anyone can actually guess whats going down#kudos#no one has guessed whats happening yet#kicks feet#my dream ideas be so wild no one can see them coming#I would put in foreshadowing....#but I would rather give everyone a big week long fish slap#the “WHAT.” is probably going to be another week long event#but hey after that its all just fun happy healing until I get bored of the comic#might I just state#I have the ending planned#along with a few inbetween scenes#but outside that I just have fun making stuff up ahaaa#honestly though making stuff up as I go/get inspired is the best way for a comic imo#keeps you entertained the whole time instead of following some rigid storyline#idk#whoops big ass tag ramble#nonsense#2 arms left#anyways about that timeskip....#cannon little leo beans.#they are coming
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i saw other steven universe aus for mob psycho and felt inspired to make my own
#mob psycho 100#mp100#tome kurata#kurata tome#arataka reigen#reigen arataka#kageyama shigeo#shigeo kageyama#tagged bc they ARE there in a way technically#kageyama ritsu#ritsu kageyama#he is technically now sodalite tho#pietersite#mp100 su au#id in alt text#doodles#yall listen pietersite is basically what started this au#like the idea of him being a fusion between 2 gems who refuse to unfuse for separate reasons (not romantic) bc theyre using the other to be#someone else that theyre not. to be more than just a common gem or to keep themselves in control bc they think of themself as a bad gem#who can't be trusted unless theres someone else. NEITHER of them wants to be themself on their own and i just OUGH#pietersite is just a combo of two ppl/gems w issues that they refuse to address bc being someone else is easier than working on yourself#also tome is here bc an au where most of the cast end up being aliens doesnt feel right w/o our resident weirdgirl whos obsessed w aliens#i plan to draw more for this feel free to send asks!!#btw DO NOT TAG AS R*IMOB PLS
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CHARACTER SHEETS (for issue 2) DONNNNEEE!!!!
#btw William and Phone Guy will not look like that in the second issue#I just made them look like that because in my head that's the standard look#Everything will evolve and work off of that#So just keep in mind that Will will look like 2009 Matt or something and I plan for Phone Guy to be a lil skinnier with more hair#BECAUSE IT'S A TIMIELINEEEE#Will apply to Bernadette and Henry in different ways later on#william afton#five nights at freddys#purple guy#henry blagdan#henry emily#phone guy#bernadette leveret#character sheet#character concept#fnaf#fnaf 1#fnaf2#fnaf 3#steve raglan
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annoyed
#illustration#art#my art#utmv#cross#cross sans#cross!sans#xtale#xtale cross#xtale sans#human cross#human!cross#human cross sans#yuri finally draws a human guy?? shocker i know HHHH#i thought i'd practice drawing different facial structures and went with something other than fem cross and honestly?#i was being dramatic LMAO i'm not as bad at drawing dudes as i remember xD this was very fun to draw against all odds<333#get ready to see more human bsg cause i've had their designs in mind since 2021 and i need to put this excess artistic energy somewhere HHG#sorry for the lack of activity btw i'm terribly busy with school :'D#i'm nailing my exams so far and i'm planning on keeping it up that way for as long as i can >:')#that and i'm learning things on the side...like coding!!!!#it's so fun and frustratingly difficult at the same time waa i need to find a course on how to make a game xd i have so many plans hehe >:)#thank you all for your patience muah muah<3333
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Funny how people defended Eden against 'bullying' during Eurovision, because Eden clearly can dish it as evident by her appearing in the Israel skit based on Eurovision 2024 where Israel mocks Marina, Bambie, Joost and Nemo, happily taking part in the mockery herself, but guess the poor 20 year old baby can't take it when thrown back at her during Eurovision where it's alleged she and the Israel team/press went after and harassed other performers and the teams/press from their countries.
#eurovision#keep in mind btw in this skit they literally have marina bambie joost and nemo kidnapped to israel#and hold them hostage basically#telling them they can't go home until they apologize to eden basically#like the way they somehow arent disqualified from next year for all they've done is astounding#and disgusting given how fast joost got disqaulified for bs reasons#and yes i say poor 20 year old baby since thats how some wanna treat her#like awww the baby got booed? would be sad if it didnt come out that she practiced behind the scenes with her team booing her#meaning they were aware no one wanted them in eurovision#plus she literally plans to join the IDF once all the eurovision stuff dies down#so this 'baby' is wanting to take part in the genocide#so she earned all that booing really
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idk if john will ever realize just how many times his big sister has had to mourn him because his idiot ass showed up on her doorstep to say a "final goodbye" and then just dropped off the grid for months afterwards. figure out the cell phone thing, man.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i think every day about the dangerous habits arc and the way he said bye to cheryl & left chas a note & then just. didn't die#and then didn't go back and call ANYONE to check in bc he got distracted catching up & getting back together with kit#he loves cheryl with all his life but he is NOT good at staying in contact#and like 60% of the time he handwaves it as 'i would have put her in danger' when that is simply not always the case#he's just truly awful at keeping in touch with people#the pitfalls of only living day to day instead of making long-term plans#this is true for most people he knows btw there's a good chance that if you're his friend you won't see him for Months on end#and then he'll just swan in out of nowhere aiming to pick up where he left off. that's not how that works buddy#tbh the best way to figure out if he's alive or not is through rumors and with his reputation? that's not a great source of info#( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.#sched.
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taco bell bong sfx
#color palette art btw!! i like didnt allow myself to add my own colors#all this is mixed and taken from the pallete#OR with the use of layer effects#looks nice that way i think...#it was like gonna be a painted experimental test doodle thing????#bc ivebeen feeling a bit rendery again? except using the basic brush and adding texture with brush strokes#KILLS MY HAND BTW DONT DO THIS WITH BAD PAINS LIKE I DO LOOOL#(HAS NOT SEEN A DOCTOR ABOUT IT. BEEN HAPPENING FOR A YEAR) (IM IN AGONY) (KEEPS MAKING AMBITIOUS ART ANYWAY BC I LIKE IT)#BUT LIKE.. i was gonna do like. several managers#not just ben. several. i was hoping for at least 2 that day. just a painted doodle smthn nice. WRONG!#YOURE GUZMA CATHAL SPADES SPAMTONGENDER OF COURSE YOU OVERDETAIL IT!#BUT ANYWAYE... yeah.... i think the result is nice and im proud#ok what else did i want to say before i make these notes a diary again#uhhh#oh yeah. i plan other mgrs like this but i have other stuff in the works rn#that one brain doodle and high roller again sorry the obsession doesnt end with a few drawings#woops! okay to the actual tags hehe ...........................#toontown corporate clash#toontown#bellringer#guz art#oh thats it oop
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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after experiencing multiple false alarms w joe im not gonna get my hopes up for a tayvis engagement until i see a ring w my own eyes (but if they do get engaged good for them obviously)
#why focus on the hypothetical engagement of two celebrities whose relationship i know basically nothing about#(obviously there’s the public stuff but it’s impossible to know the true nature of their relationship)#(since they presumably keep SOME things and dare i say MOST things to themselves)#when instead i can try to convince my dad (28 year old man i do theatre with) to propose to my mom (his director girlfriend)#btw im 22 and neither of these ppl are actually related to me#one time i said “mom and dad are fighting” in rehearsal and it kind of spiraled from there#yes my real (biological) parents know i call them this and are completely fine w it#“mom and dad” themselves don’t know though and i plan to keep it this way#ppl probably went into the tags like “this is pretty relatable”#and left the tags like “bestie your experiences are NOT universal”#taylor swift#travis kelce#taylor and travis#tayvis#taylor x travis
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it's been a strange arc so far
when I was 19-21 and having an extremely imbalanced relationship with someone in their mid 30s I was like 'we are both adults so the fact that this is fucking me up is my fault'
when I hit my late 20s and saw how young people in their late teens and early 20s seem now I was like 'oh wait I was so fucking young I didn't know shit about my own limits or about managing relationships and I don't know why someone in their mid to late 30s would be into that except for nefarious purposes'
the weird bit is now I'm into my 30s - not even that far into my 30s - and while I still wholeheartedly believe that last thing about how young (and self destructive) 20 year olds are, I'm also kind of like 'huh, actually nobody I know that age has their shit remotely together and frankly the reason this fucked me up is because NEITHER of us knew what the fuck we were doing it how to cope, for different reasons and at different life stages, and there probably wasn't any malice or intent to control as much as there was Blind Flailing.'
#red said#this is about one specific relationship btw.#wanted to clarify that because there have been several men over 30 who fucked me up between the ages of 16 and 21#and i adamently do NOT want to keep pretending that was incompetence. that was predation. sometimes incompetent predation.#but with the person I'm thinking of? she really hurt me and the age gap and difference in life stage was a not insubstantial factor#but mostly she was just spiralling out really badly and i offered her something to hold and she did try to keep things balanced and safe#but she was very off balance at the time. so the fucking up was more that than it was about power or control#we were just both very stupid and very sensible at the same time which is a great way to dig yourselves deeper#and idk I'm like 2 or 3? years younger than she was when we met iirc#and the closer i get to her age the more I'm like yeah you know that's a human reaction. i can see how that happens.#and i kind of feel bad for the amount of bitterness I've held and malice I've ascribed because ultimately#i think it was just two people having different crises trying and failing to figure out boundaries around them#but this has come on really suddenly and it's kind of fucking me up as well#cause I'm frightened of falling back into patterns of oh it's never anyone else's fault that i got hurt#but i don't. thiiiiink so? bc it's really only this one thing. i am not making these excuses for other people.#idk. sometimes people just fuck each other up.#I'm not even sure i think it was a bad thing that it happened. a lot of bad happened but we also catalyzed a lot of change in each other.#i feel like the reason i keep picking at this is that it's complicated. it was not good. it was good.#she really fucked me up and she was a terrible friend to me at times. but she was also the first person to really look after me.#and she kind of helped me start to learn how to need other people. which was good.#when my grandma died she wrapped me in a blanket and cancelled her plans to watch TV on the couch with me#even though she barely knew me at that point#and she was one of the first people to consistently ask for consent and check in. and she did genuinely care about me.#but she also truly fucked me over a couple of times.#but mostly that was just because she was buried in a pit of despair and self loathing.#she seems a lot happier now. i hope she is. i don't know if i want to know her particularly but i think if she's happy she'd be nice to know
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