#pixel 9 screen

[rmspeltzfarm]

git it fixed

[sillee]

I would also like to second the YouTube comment. I just subscribed and I am so inspired by your save file and lore and it makes me so excited to play the game again, you made it feel so alive and full.

ahh thank you!!! it is so good to hear this type of thing, honestly! <3 it’s so exciting that my channel can be that for people.

[robpegoraro]

Migrating to a new Android phone without the old one around--or alive

Moving from a dead Android phone to a live one via only an online backup proved to be surprisingly easy--but it also reminded me that a few apps don't react well to that scenario.

I spent less of Sunday morning than I’d feared on a chore that I’d last had to tackle in the summer of 2017: setting up a new Android phone without the old one operational, leaving me to restore only from an online backup. Having this process go smoothly took some of the sting out of having my previously trusty Pixel 5a die on me. So did having this phone’s demise happen while I was at home and…

[jinwoosungs]

01/03/25; 10:00pm

{ drabbles / headcanons }

[ when they realize that you’re the true mc from behind the screen ]

featuring: sylus, zayne, xavier, rafayel

notes: this is just my own take on the self aware au! i know other creators who’ve written their own self aware au’s (and have executed them amazingly well!), but i hope that you readers will give my story a chance, too ♡

you never understood the hype that surrounded the game known as love and deepspace-

however, the moment sylus was announced as the newest love interest for this game-

to say you were mildly interested would have been the greatest understatement of the century. when his trailer was revealed, you swore you felt your knees clash together while basking in his pure, masculine beauty.

and his voice- dear god did it sound like pure silk against your ears!

needless to say, you downloaded lads the moment sylus dropped as the latest love interest. when you made your mc, you did your best to model her after your own appearance to the best of your abilities-

however, it seemed impossible to do.

the mc was just too petite and perfect, something that you could never achieve in real life. yet despite it all, you tried your best to customize her to match your features before starting the game. as you struggled with the missions in the main story, you were essentially grinding until the moment you could unlock sylus's story branch-

and the moment when you accomplished it, you were truly on cloud 9, taking an ungodly amount of screenshots each time sylus was on your phone's screen. you kept interacting with him in game, raising his affinity with you to level 50 in a mere few weeks.

it was embarrassing how much you adored this gorgeous man made up entirely of pixels. you always spent quality time with him, bringing him with you when you worked or had to study for an upcoming exam. each time you would glance at your phone and see his devastatingly handsome features cleaning his gun, you would grin and press a kiss on your screen (directly over his cheek!)

were you shameless for feeling so deeply about a fictional man-

absolutely yes. but did you care?

no.

after kissing sylus for what had to be the thousandth time that day, you would go back to your responsibilities, unaware that sylus could hear you and feel the sensation of your kisses against his cheek.

at first, it was maddening for sylus to realize that everything he's been through was made up by some writers at a company. every tragedy was forced upon him for the sake of a good story-

and he hated it.

he hated how his every word was essentially a script made up by that same company and how he was forced to interact with an mc that was just the same as the rest-

yet the moment he realized he could see you settled behind that woman's avatar-

sylus was intrigued, to say the least.

despite how you looked drastically different from the mc, something about you drew him to you more than the mc ever could. for starters, you were a true, living person who had a personality.

and you just seemed so alive each time sylus saw you. the more time he had spent with you, the more his feelings of curiosity turned into something tangible and real-

making sylus yearn for the day you would recognize him noticing you. he stops cleaning his gun just then, simply keeping his crimson gaze on your form as you wrote in your notebook. the hours continue to pass, yet sylus allows the quality time feature to go on even past the 30 minute mark, not stopping until you were done.

as your eyes go back to your phone, you were ready to quit the session when sylus purposely stops you, "no kiss this time? you wound me, little dove."

he basks in your wide eyed expression and the way your mouth was wide open in a gape, chuckling as you waved your hand over the screen-

and sylus was following your every movement.

"you can see me?"

"i think we've made that abundantly clear just now, little dove." he shakes his head, feeling his world tilt slightly when you pick up your phone.

"y-you just spoke to me, and i- i'm your little dove?" a dreamy expression crosses your features as you kept your gaze on sylus. he gives you a rare, tiny smile while reaffirming his nickname for you with a nod, "of course you are. you have always been my little dove since the moment i laid eyes on you."

a cute sound escapes from your parted lips, and he felt himself being jostled around when you began to spin while holding your phone. with his eyebrows lifted in response, he calls out your name while telling you, "you don't seem to be as panicked as i imagined."

"are you kidding me? i-" you cough and give him a sheepish expression, "i actually love you so much, and despite the weirdness of this all, i'm strangely happy."

your words succeed in making sylus feel warm inside-

and he knew he had to find a way to be with you soon.

zayne has always been aware of your existence, since you were a longtime player of his game and have spent most of your time together with him.

strangely enough, he took pride in having the highest affinity with you-

yet when you obtained any of the other love interest's memories, or spent some time with them-

a wave of jealousy would course through zayne's veins. he knew that he was programmed to always feel happy with whatever man you chose-

but he couldn't bring himself to let you go. after all, zayne knew that he loved you the most out of all of them.

he was the one who held your health and wellbeing above all else (even ignoring his own desires to see you during his quality time sessions with you.)

while working on his laptop at the cafe, he was aware of how late it was and was hoping that you were already safe and sound in bed-

so imagine his surprise when he sees you logging into the game, greeting him with a tired smile on your face as you opened up the quality time menu with him.

"hey zaynie, i know it's late, but i need to get these assignments done just to stay ahead. i couldn't find the time to do them earlier, so that's why i'm here."

admittedly, zayne could feel a shiver of pleasure each time you spoke to him, allowing him to bask in the sound of your voice-

yet more so than that was how concerned he was that you wanted to do your assignments at such an ungodly hour. as you pressed on the quality time session, zayne would immediately cancel it. confusion was etched onto your features, making you try again-

only to have zayne cancel the session once more.

"what the hell is going on?"

unable to hide the fact that he could respond to you (and not wishing to ignore you any longer) zayne takes a chance and speaks to you.

"it's too late for you to be studying. you should be in bed, ready to sleep."

your eyebrows furrow in response to his words, uncertain if this was part of his script (it wasn't). unable to stop, zayne continues to lightly scold you, "humans need at least 8 hours of sleep, and i know that you've barely gotten 5 hours the past few days."

"oh my god, what?!" he watches as you pick up your phone, meeting his gaze as an incredulous expression was seen on your face. "zaynie, are you talking to me?"

zayne was conflicted now, pulling at the collar of his shirt before clearing his throat, wanting to be honest with you, "yes... i am talking to you, and if you cared for me and my feelings at all, you would go to bed and work on your assignments in the morning, once you're fully rested."

it takes you a moment to take this all in.

from zayne meeting your gaze and scolding you because he was concerned about your health-

it honestly felt like such a dream come true.

your features end up breaking out into a kind smile, and zayne could feel a blush creeping up against his cheek when you nuzzle your face closer to your phone, "okay zaynie, i'll go to sleep."

cradling the phone close to your chest, you let out a hum while slowly getting into bed. once you were settled in bed, you held up your phone to see zayne looking back at you. he smiles at you, "good girl, now close your eyes and sleep."

he watches as you purse your lips before asking him, "will you stay with me, zayne?"

smiling at your request, he gives you a nod, "of course. i'm not going anywhere." he watches you once more as you cuddle into your comforter, closing your eyes while setting your phone close to you.

and as your breathing evens out, (turning softer), zayne whispers your name, filled with longing and love for you alone.

you had to be experiencing the worst cold of your life as you were settled in bed with your phone in hand, playing love and deepspace as you did some missions with xavier, your true love interest for the game.

in the middle of your battle, you let out a particularly loud sneeze, wiping the snot away from your nose while blowing into a tissue when a tiny voice was heard saying "bless you."

after blowing your nose, you said 'thank you' in response-

only to do a double take.

who just said bless you?

you take a quick scan around your room, coughing here and there-

only to realize that there was no one in sight.

you hear the voice again, this time saying your name as you realized that it sounded familiar to you. looking back at your phone, you saw xavier had already taken out the enemy and was looking directly at you.

you swallow thickly, your voice shaky when you began to speak,

"xavier?"

"yes."

"you can hear me?"

"i was able to hear you since day 1, and you chose to stick with me." xavier was practically grinning now, appearing smug while folding his arms across his chest.

by now, you were feeling dizzy as you slowly sit up in bed, feeling almost feverish while looking into xavier's gorgeous, true blue eyes. xavier has been aware of your presence this whole time-

and that fact was enough to make a surge of warmth course through you.

"you... you have always been able to see me?" you ask xavier in a shy voice, earning an earnest nod from him, "yes, and..." he trails off while pressing a hand against your screen, "i'm sorry that i'm unable to take care of you when you're feeling so sick."

"n-no! don't worry about it... i'm just happy that you're here... with me."

a sweet smile paints xavier's expression, coupled along with a gentle chuckle. "i'm happy to be with you, too. and i'm happy that you chose me over them."

realizing what xavier meant, you gave him the best smile you could manage while wiping at your nose with a new tissue, "i will always choose you, xavi."

hearing your admission causes a surge of possessiveness to course through xavier's veins. and while you smiled back at him, the philos prince was thinking of ways to forever keep your smiles for himself.

feeling the need to clean your house and do some chores around it, you decide to spend some quality time with rafayel, the hot lemurian you fell in love with ever since you began playing love and deepspace. with his pretty, pouty face on your screen, you began cleaning, moving around your kitchen and living room while wiping down each surface you could see.

you spent a few hours cleaning, with rafayel seeming to sketch during his quality time session with you, which felt odd. usually, after 30 minutes, the game would notify you, asking if you'd like to continue the session as you confirmed it-

yet now, that didn't seem to happen.

you saw no notification-

and rafayel was still sketching on your screen.

with a shrug, you figured the game probably updated and added this new feature, where you didn't have to constantly renew the 30 minutes during your quality time with rafayel. feeling thirsty now, you pick up your phone and head into the kitchen, setting your phone on the counter as you went into the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

"hey princess! where did you go?! i can't see you!"

you nearly dropped your water bottle in response, hearing rafayel's voice coming from your phone. "come on princess, don't leave me hanging, where are you?"

was this a new script?

closing your fridge, you step closer to your phone, seeing rafayel's pout. picking it up, allowing rafayel to finally see you, he was smiling now while winking at you. "there you are, princess! are you done doing all that work?"

words were unable to form as you were left gaping at him, making the artist chuckle while shaking his head, "you look like a goldfish, which is pretty cute! oh, before i forget!"

rafayel pulls back, revealing his sketchbook to you. your heart was felt clenching slightly before racing upon realizing every sketch was about you-

not your mc in game.

the realization of it all had you reeling, with your hands gripping at your counter when you addressed rafayel. "rafe, you can see me?"

"of course i can, always have been able to, princess." he has the audacity to make your heart flutter the moment he gives you another wink. "and let me just say, i've been loving what i've been seeing so far, princess."

by now, you felt like you were on the verge of collapsing, unable to hide your grin as you cling to your phone all while basking in rafayel's flirty and playful words-

yet little did you know, somewhere along the way, rafayel had genuinely fallen head over heels for you, keeping each painting and sculpture he had made of you hidden so that you would never know-

at least, not yet.

end notes: i'm so happy to write a story like this, where all the lads men truly are so META and wish to be with YOU-

and not the mc (⺣◡⺣)♡

this is currently unedited, but i shall make any changes the moment this story is posted!

all stories are written by rei; please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works!!

[aangelinakii]

SAFEHOUSE.

— at least you've got each other.

summary : daughter of the mayor, who'd had an attempt on her life, bruce has tasked his son with protecting her in one of his various safehouses around the city. he's never had to do this before, and it doesn't help that you're sort of cute...

note : fem reader if you cannt tell very sorry znd also they're both teenagers like 16 ish

note 2 : also possibly a little out of charscter ? i haven't consumed a lot of damian media 😪 but i also do think he would behave a little differently when he's older compared to when hés like 9

work for robin was changing.

damian wayne expected to be running across rooftops, kicking bad guys in the face and eavesdropping in vents. not sitting around in a safehouse, protecting the mayor's only child.

for the amount of lying around they did, damian wouldn't really call it protecting. it seemed more like just hanging out.

his knee bounced a mile a minute from where he sat at the empty table in your quite non-descript box of a safehouse, eyes flickering over constantly to your frame in front of the cuboid vhs-playing television — what an old thing it was.

it had been quite difficult trying to harbour a relationship with you; of course it would be, having to go into hiding with a random teenage boy your age after having your life threatened by the usual gotham terrorists.

with a sigh, he got to his feet, and you glanced up from your old black and white movie. he stepped up to the door, fingering the locks to make everything was in place, and then past the curtains, which swayed slightly with movement, but were thick enough to keep out the light from outside.

these days it was difficult to even tell what time it was.

he did this a lot, probably as a way to pass the time, probably cathartically; checking the locks, checking the curtains were still heavy in front of the windows, giving the small apartment you stayed in the impression of being empty.

when he was done he turned your way, stepping boredly toward the back of the couch, where you'd already redirected your attention back to the television.

this was an old hitchcock one from the forties — quite bland, actually, but it wasn't like you didn't have anything else better to do.

when you first got here, neither of you having seen a vhs player before, it took a good hour to figure it out, and, at the time, you'd thought you and damian would get along well, laughing along together when you finally managed to insert the tape. now, after almost two months, you'd found barely anything to share a laugh about.

the cushioning on the back of the couch beside you sunk, and you peered over to see damian leaning against it, eyes glued to the pixel-ridden screen. with a huff and a few more moments passing, he spoke, glancing down at you from the corner of his eye. "i'm sorry i'm... not much help. i'm not really used to this whole protecting thing."

he stepped away, and you craned your neck to follow him. he began to pace from behind the sofa, talking with his hands as he kept his eyes on his feet. "i'm used to protecting people outside, not confined in here. i'll be honest, i'm going a bit mad in here."

an involuntary chuckle brushed past your lips, and he glanced up. "i completely get it," you returned, resting your arm on the back of the couch. "i'm not used to this, either. usually i'd be with my friends, or something — but i'm not even allowed to reach out to them. they probably think i actually did get shot."

you don't miss the way the corner of his mouth turns up as he circles around and continues his pacing.

this might be the most conversation you've had in three weeks.

where you think he might speak again, you can only hear the tinny voices of laurence olivier and joan fontaine, but your eyes continue to follow his movements. he seemed antsy, nervous; all he seemed to be these days.

"hey," you said out of nowhere, grabbing his attention, but he doesn't stop walking or cracking his knuckles. "why don't we do something you'd usually do?"

he considered your words for a moment, but kept pacing. "like what?"

your eyes trailed off, glancing around the room. it consisted of a small kitchen area and a little two-seater table, but you mostly stayed on the couch, getting through the wicker basket of tapes beneath the television. in the corner was a door to the bathroom, and two other doors to each of your miniscule bedrooms.

but in all the limited space within the main room, between the table and the couch, it was empty enough for movement.

"you said you're used to protecting outside," you hummed, looking back at him. by now, he'd stopped his pacing and was eyeing you inquisitively. "what do you ususally do?"

damian gave a shrug. "hit... people?"

with a shrug of your own, you jumped up to your feet. "why don't we do that? hit each other?"

once again, the corner of his mouth perked up. "hit you? i'm supposed to be protecting you, don't you remember?"

a laugh passed your lips as they curved into a smile. "no, no." and you walked around the sofa to face him. "you can just pretend. like, show me your moves. or teach me something."

your teenage bodyguard sized you up for a moment, flesh sinking beneath his mouth as he chewed at his gum pensively. after a few beats, he began to nod slowly. "if you think that will help."

"sure it will," you smiled as you reached out for his hands, palms slightly rough in yours, and dragged him out into the little space between what was supposed to be the dinner table and couch.

once you were out of the way of anything too valuable — like the tv — you let go of his hands and took a few steps back. "so how do we start?"

it seemed when being prompted to do so in a safe environment, damian struggled to get in the headspace of a fight. he'd been raised by assassins, it usually came as second nature.

perhaps it was that he was being watched, where it was only him and you.

sheepishly, eyes focusing on a spot on the wall behind you as opposed to actually you, damian took on a wider stance and carefully bent his legs. he looked agile, lean, and when he brought his forearms up to the sides of his head, his hands didn't curl tightly.

like this, he seemed to morph; from that quiet, almost shy, awkward boy you'd spent the past month and a bit with in, to a viper ready to strike.

instinctively, his eyes narrowed and his jaw set, like he were really about to attack.

with less ease than him, you attempted to match damian's stance, bending your knees slightly and bringing your forearms up to shield the sides of your head. but this only caused damian to let out a huff of a laugh.

"what?" you hummed, unable to stop the corners of your mouth lifting.

before you, damian's shoulders fell lightly. "nothing, it's just... no, it's not funny." although you could still see that smile behind his shielding arms, he made an attempt to compose himself.

your previous casual stance returned, your arms falling to your sides and your back straightening. "hey, i'm trying my best here!" you retorted, but a laugh slipped out. "not everyone is batman's side-kick."

"i know," damian responded, watching as you resumed your mirroring of his stance. "i think i forget not everyone has trained like us sometimes, because i'm constantly immersed in it. usually."

testing the ease of your knees and the weight of your shoulders, you opened your mouth to speak again. "what next?"

after a few beats, damian gave his reply. "well... i suppose you'd attack."

with a gesture of your fingers, you beckoned your opponent forward. "attack, then. give me your worst."

despite his dismissive chuckle, damian edged forward, however uncertainly. "absolutely not," he joked in return.

useless in this position, all you could do was watch damian as he silently made to assess his next move; lid covering eye, your lashes fluttered past with your blink and damian appeared much closer, his slow attacks falling purposely short as he pretended to strike various areas of your torso and up.

after a false kick brushed off your side, you straightened up again. "how could i protect myself? if i ever needed to." and at this moment in your life, it seemed very much that this would be helpful information, just in case your life is tried again.

closer than you'd seen him, damian's hair had messed with his shadow boxing. he had dark hair, the colour he shared with his father, but its untidiness must've been inherited from his mother. he owned a perpetual tan, olive in undertone, darker contrasting freckles dotted once below his left eye and then a smaller one merging into the skin of his lip. he was both boyish and owning feminine qualities; the untidiness of a boy, but the sharpness of a woman you'd never want to cross.

with a soft cough in the back of his throat, he reached out an arm, extending it past your ear. "if i was going for an attack here, you would take your other arm and push me away."

as he spoke, you followed his instruction, bringing your arm up, forearm against forearm, to hit him back and dodge out the way.

"a lot of it is timing," damian spoke again, slowly bringing his other arm up to jab at you throat without actually making contact. "timing, reaction and reading. you need to anticipate the action of your opponent before they even make it; that's what makes a good combatant."

your hand came up to take damian's wrist, stopping it where it had stopped anyway, and pushed it up over your head. "i'm not very good at this," you chuckled sheepishly, feeling a little stupid at this slow-motion combat.

pulling his arm back to his side, twisting it just as carefully as he had been to lose your light grip. "you don't have to be. you're just learning now."

as your fingers fell from his skin, your eyes met.

for a moment, damian stumbled upon his words. "but i could teach you if you wanted; something we could work on while we're holed up in here."

[blorbocedes]

BLONDE TWINK BARES IT ALL! GETS A MASSAGE ;)

williams!era nico gets a massage by dr.dot for RTL in a video that looks like a casting couch bad porn intro. 1/2/2009

below i explain the lengths i went to find this 👇 its v long

so our story starts a few months ago when i began frantically dming my oldest nicologist friend @colors-of-feeling if she remembered this video. I had only half remembered recollections at this point, and i really only remembered the video because it looks so much like a casting couch porn intro. I know I screenshot it but I went through my gallery and couldn't find it. i knew I had seen it a very long time ago and care is one of my first mutuals, so anything nico I've seen she's seen. she doesn't rmbr 😓

now im like holy shit did i make it up. still i plead care to turn her archive public so i can go through it. no luck. i went through my own archive, even though i know I didn't reblog it because it had been a youtube link instead of the video. and i regretted it so bad, because i know that low quality few hundred or thousand views videos from 2000s is basically lost footage because youtubes search is basically incomprehensible. I also went through the archives of other blogs that nico posted back in 2021 for any sign that I didn't just project and Imagine it. no luck.

feeling defeated i go to my final hope, the nicologist of all nicologists @distantlaughter... with only half baked and increasingly hysterical descriptors "umm its like a casting couch video! a boat! but the boat is parked 🤔 maybe the masseuse had pigtails" i rambled, normally like a normal person.

ren the absolute darling immediately pops up with a video of shirtless nico get massaged. its not.

and another one. not that either 😓 we underestimated just how much nico posted getting a shirtless massage.

finally. FINALLY. ren dms me like 10 seconds of this video hidden in a nico rosberg compilation fan video that is even in worse quality. but it's this video!!!!!! it EXISTS!!! im not crazy....... but that 3 pixel collage was proof that it was real, but alas not post worthy. There was an RTL logo in the corner so in one final futile search, we searched RTL archives which unfortunately did not go far enough. We were doing literal detective work like from the 10 seconds of the fanvid we concluded it was like, probably an RTL monaco promo video hence the coastline and the boat, and given nico's hair length it must be williams (or 2010 merc). but nothing further than that. still ren is the absolute goat nicologist who figured it out from just my descriptions alone 🙏🙏🙏

with that I ended my search, knowing it was real at least, even if it wasn't the full video.

today i got a storage full notification. so I started frantically deleting random videos I had on my phone from years. and buried in august 9, 2022 almost exactly TWO years ago . was 5 seconds of this video and the when the screen recording closed you could see it was from a video called Dr. Dot.

this time im posting the video, im also going to ask @argentinagp to gif it so this buried, almost lost footage less than 1k youtube video can get a second life again, and so we can all enjoy weird late 2000s whoring drivers out. ❤️

all of this could be avoided if simply 2 years ago I had reblogged and tagged the original link. archival work is often thankless and pointless but wow, sometimes it can feel so rewarding. so enjoy!

which brings me to the most important part. doesn't he totally look like a twink in a bad porno here?

[idesofrevolution]

Precursor

"Jesus, Danny I don't know what the fuck to do about it, okay? He just fuckin' got me out of no where." Click, clack. Click, clack. The tapping of his fingers on the mouse and keyboard were the only sounds echoing in the dark room aside from his shouts. "Well, I how the fuck should I know? I told you I wasn't good at this game! You're the one who kept begging me to play it, and it's bullshit dude!" For a game that was supposed to be this fun phenomenon, 'Precursor' was proving to be quite a bit lesser than Greg anticipated. Danny had begged him for weeks to join the game and do a couple of rounds with him, if only to get him hooked. For Greg, a video game was like Civilization or Cities Skylines... building something great with strategy and creativity. To him, this was a boring shoot 'em up that had a steep learning curve, and it was grating on his nerves. "Well, dude I told you I didn't know how to play this stupid game but you wouldn't take no for an answer!"

Another red screen and the words 'Exterminated' were sprawled across the screen. Greg slammed his fists down onto the desk, spilling his Red Bull all over his lap. He threw his head back in yet another defeat, his seventh in the span of an hour. Looking down at his phone, the late hour had all but caused him even further grief.

"You know what, dude? This game fucking sucks. I don't know why you wanted me to play with you." Danny, surely kicking ass on the battlefront from somewhere behind his screen in Oklahoma hundreds of miles away, was less than enthused. "Ya know what, fine. I will do the fucking noob lobby, okay? I swear to God, though, if this shit doesn't get fun in ten minutes I'm loggin' off." Greg disconnected from his online pal and reentered back into the main menu. He sighed, how the fuck could anyone without a trigger-happy index finger and a desire to think about their options for more than a split second find this game fun? To him, it was all reflexes and no brain power. Clicking through the main menu, he searched for the "Noob" lobby in the available servers. He scrolled for an agonizing ten seconds of full lobbies before he gave up.

"Man, fuck this." He was a single moment away from clicking that exit button before his elbow slipped on some of the Red Bull that had spilled onto the desktop. His wrist banged onto the keys, leaving a string of gibberish into the searchbar. He grabbed one of his clean socks from the floor and sopped up the syrupy water and tossed it behind him over his shoulder. Whatever. Turning back to his screen, to his utter astonishment, the search for 'pjdkluyoikms' had come up with a single hit: 3/9 players in the lobby. Greg looked down at his phone again, 3:30 in the morning grimaced back at him. He'd have to be up in 4 hours if he'd kept the job he quit a few days prior, but with unemployment looming over his head the hours didn't seem so important to him. The game was known for being a time void, sucking in every available minute it's players had to use.

"Fuck it." He clicked join, and waited as the lobby began to load. For a second, his monitor became severely pixelated, but quickly returned to normal. Before long, he was met with the game mode selection and a couple of voices chatting amongst the static. Bruiser, Scout, Sniper, Runner, Bomber... He didn't know how to use a single one of these characters and in the back of his mind, he wasn't keen on being embarrassed yet again for another hour of failures.

"Who's this?" One of the voices from the ether bellowed out from his headphones, and for whatever reason his skin flushed with goosebumps. "Yo, new guy, did you mean to come here? It's a private server."

"Ahh, shit. I'm sorry, my friend made me buy this game and I don't know what I'm doing. I'll find another, my bad!" Greg scampered to try and just choose a character so he could exit out of the menu, but a second voice gave him immediate pause. It was unlike the other players he'd met so far, in that he wasn't a complete dick right off the bat.

"Nahh, it's cool! We could use a runner this round if you're down? We can take it easy, right boys?" His voice was smooth, chill, if not a bit high pitched in a tenor timbre. The guy could have a career in anime protagonist voice acting if he'd put his mind to it, Greg was quickly put at ease with just a single word.

"You think he can keep up?" the third voice, husky and deep questioned.

"We've played with worse, bro. Remember Clive before Mick got to him? We lost four rounds before Mick got it to stick! He won't fuck up, will ya new guy?" Greg nervously chuckled, knowing full well he'd be terrible in the beginning either way.

"Uhhhh, give me a round or two to get the hang of it... I'm sure I can do it. Nothing better to do anyway."

"That's the spirit! See? He's gonna be great. I'll get him up to snuff." A fall of silence came over the server, Greg shifted in his seat. "Alright, newbie. Just choose runner and I got your back. I used to main runner, so I can show you the ropes." Taking a deep breath, Greg clicked on the avatar for Runner, and hit accept. He entered the lobby, seeing the three players had already chosen their avatars. 1: lostdestiny (scout), 2: EdgeRunner (bruiser), 3: ironclad (bomber), and now 4: Greg (runner).

ironclad: I take it you're Greg, then?

Greg: What gave it away?

The three others chuckled, and the loadbar began to fill. Greg could feel the anxiety and anticipation grow within him. He was about to faceplant AGAIN, and in front of these strangers. At least it wouldn't be long until he'd be kicked anyway.

EdgeRunner: Aight, listen up man. I can't be a babysitter, but I'll be following you. Just do what I tell you to do and you'll be fine. You got this, man. Yeah?

Greg: Uh, yeah man. I'll do my best.

lostdestiny: Don't worry guys, he's gonna do his best.

EdgeRunner: Pipe down, will ya, Des? Fuck. Alright, here we go. Lay low and let them come out on their own.

The four of them were dumped onto the map, this one seemed to be some dirty Cyberpunk city in the rain. Sooner rather than later, it'd be a warzone. Greg sat gobsmacked, frozen in place as the others ran for cover.

ironclad: Yo, get to cover, they'll be here any fuckin' second!

Greg: Whuh.... What do I do, where do I go?

EdgeRunner: Turn to your left, there's a hidden door in the bodega. Hold shift and run. Go!

Greg did as he was told, holding down the shift bar and going toward the store on the corner of the street. He was unprepared for just how quickly he would get there, running straight into the wall to the left of the door. Runner indeed. Rounding the doorway, he snuck down the aisles, and up to the door. He burst in, plowing through stacked boxes and into the racks of the storeroom.

EdgeRunner: Aight, you can let go of the shift, bud.

lostdestiny: Fuck, we're so screwed. We lose out on this one it's on you Edge, and I'm not coughin' up a single coin.

EdgeRunner: Des, hit your fuckin' vape and keep your eyes peeled. I'll worry about the new kid. Greg, hang tight. Wait for me to give you a signal, then you run to the hotel down the street. Got it?

Greg chuckled to himself, he'd stumbled into quite the little gang. These guys were far from noobs, they were good if not professionals. From behind the closed door, he sat idly, waiting with bated breath for Edge to give him the unmentioned word. Over his headphones, he could hear the trio plotting as if they were soldiers planning their attack.

EdgeRunner: Iron, be position. They're gonna come barreling down that alley like a fuckin' stampede, so nuke 'em until I can get there. Des, they in sight yet?

lostdestiny: Just like you said, boss man. Comin' in hot.

EdgeRunner: Perfect. Greg. There's a glowing purple crate in the corner. Open it and pick up whatever is in it, and do it quick.

Greg fumbled over the keys, searching the dark room until he saw the glowing purple box hidden beneath a pile of trash. Clicking on it, the box opened, shucking all the garbage atop it onto the floor. Inside sat a strange green vial.

Greg: Its... It's a glass syringe? Glowing green stuff inside.

EdgeRunner: That's what you're looking for. Bag it and get ready to run.

Greg slipped it into his bag. The syringe showed up as 'upgrade' in the inventory, but no other information was provided. Usually, at least, there was some sort of witty description for the items in-game. Might be modded, he thought to himself, not that he would know anyway. He positioned himself by the door, holding his breath.

ironclad: Fireworks.

EdgeRunner: Now, Greg. Go!

His left pinky firmly planted on the shift key, Greg burst out of the door, through the store and into the street. Outside, a barrage of AI cop grunts were surrounding the building across the way. Pillars of smoke and fire erupted from bombs being dropped from the roof, a massive lug of muscle being the culprit with Ironclad's red tag hovering above him. From within the crowd, an explosion of grunts flew through the air, and dead in the center of the action was EdgeRunner, a maxxed out avatar oozing athleticism and strength with a nearly full level bar floating above him. Fuck, who were these guys?

EdgeRunner: Don't fuckin' freeze on us, Greg. Run!

Taking the hint, Greg bolted down the street, weaving past smoke bombs and gunfire until he made it to the hotel's revolving door, shattering the glass as he crashed through. Inside, three grunts stood behind the front desk, quickly pulling out absurdly massive guns.

Greg: Edge, there's guys in here, they got big ass motherfucking guns too.

EdgeRunner: Fuck, okay. Hold control, shift, and Y. Then run to the elevator. Do it before they peg ya!

Greg: Fuck!

EdgeRunner: Iron, toss a few into the hotel. Help the kid out.

ironclad: On it.

Greg could hear the whistling in the air of the incoming bombs flying toward the lobby. He held down the keys and ran toward the elevators as instructed. Though, as he did, waves of colors surrounded his avatar, deflecting the bullets as they flew before the explosions behind him came bursting in. As the elevator doors closed in front of him, he saw the XP points flowing into his bar from the dead grunts. The elevator began to climb.

EdgeRunner: Woooooooooo baby! That's what I call a bait n switch! Kid, you're a natural.

lostdestiny: Beginner's luck.

EdgeRunner: It's gonna be a second before that elevator gets to the top level. Regroup at the hotel, they'll be swarming him. Des, you're on the 99th floor, right?

lostdestiny: Best view in the city.

EdgeRunner: Keep watch, we'll be there in a second. New guy will be on your floor in a couple of minutes. Greg, let's do a one-on-one, yeah?

On the screen, a side window popped up in the bottom corner. Incoming call: EdgeRunner 1 on 1. Fuck, was this guy trying to video chat?

Greg: Uhhhh, I didn't know you could cam...

EdgeRunner: What, you ain't jackin' off are ya? C'mon lemme see.

Greg waited for a moment, nervous beyond words. Watch it be some 60 year old gaming in his mom's basement, was this really the kind of guy he'd want to game with anyway? The curiosity had only crept up since he stumbled into the server, it's not as if they were meeting in real life or anything. It's a screen. He nodded to himself, as if to give himself permission, and clicked on the accept button. In the corner box, EdgeRunner himself popped into focus.

Not what he expected whatsoever. He wasn't much older than Greg, maybe late twenties, early thirties. That was a relief. His room was shrouded in a blue hue, pairing nicely with his ID tag color in game. He was covered in ink from the forehead down, with white hair and a nice pair of pecs cropped just out of view. Again, far from what he expected to see.

"What's up, Greggo?" He smirked, as if studying Greg from behind his lens.

"Yeah... In an elevator. On my computer." Edge laughed, taking his eye contact away to refocus on his game.

"Playin' pretty fuckin' well so far. You sure you never played before now?" Greg found himself blushing a tad bit at this hunk of a man, alarmingly similar to the stud avatar he portrayed online. "Might have to keep you around if you keep up at this rate." The ping of the elevator reaching the 99th floor brought him right back into the world, as the doors opened to a tall, lanky guy with his back to him.

"Des, I presume?"

lostdestiny: Who the fuck else would it be? Mommie? Get to the loot at the end of the hall, fifth door on the right.

"Des isn't the sweetest fruit in the basket. Don't mind him. But get to the room as quick as you can, bud." Holding down the shift key yet again, though now as if it were second nature to him, he bolted down the hall, dodging the mines which littered the floor. "Yeah, don't be up in your feelings about it, but the upgrade is for you, kid. If I were you, I'd take it now while you can. Get you on our level quicker, if ya catch my drift." Greg didn't think twice. He opened the inventory, clicked on the vial, and hit use. His avatar quickly pulled out the syringe from off screen, jamming it into his wrist. The liquid quickly flowed into his avatar, but changes were slow. He arrived at the door, opening them to a boardroom overlooking the whole city, bathed in a purple hue.

Greg: What am I looking for exactly?

ironclad: You'll know it when you see it. Find it quick, they're coming up.

As Greg began to search through the shelves and drawers lining the walls, he was too preoccupied to notice the veins of black starting to flow from his fingertips up his limber arms. While he may have been too focused to see, Edge was watching eagerly in the bottom corner with a giant grin forming on his face. His little window closed, leaving Greg in his search.

lostdestiny: Incoming. Edge, would be a really fuckin' great time for you to pull some fuckshit about now!

Explosions rung out in the hallway, and an eruption of bullets soon followed. Greg felt the pressure bearing down on him, he felt heavier, as if the weight of the situation were sitting atop him like boulders. But hidden in the darkness of his room, the black veins crawled higher and higher, across his shoulders and back, creeping up the back of his neck, until he felt a pinch right at the base of his skull. Instant headrush.

The world got blurry in a mere second, his ears started to ring and his muscles began to pulse. Though, in that moment, he felt something else swelling within him: confidence. Control, Shift, C. The boardroom went blue, a glowing yellow aura radiated from behind one of the walls. Greg smiled, bolting to the wall. Alt, D, F7. The shelves shuddered, then slowly retracted into a dark void. The payload sat at the end of a long, dark hallway on a spotlit pedestal. Some crazy mechanical contraption, it seemed. Though he didn't know what it was, he knew inherently that this is what he was looking for. Just as Iron said.

Greg: Bingo.

EdgeRunner: Careful, newbie. Watch the walls.

A single step forward, and red lasers began to shoot left and right. An hour earlier, he'd be pissing himself on an 'exterminated' screen, raging to no one but himself. Though now, as he felt the energy coursing through his body, the corner of his lip shifted upward, his brows furrowed, and he leaned forward. Showtime.

Alt, Shift, F2, Q, L... the keys flew by beneath his fingers as he dodged, rolled, and lept past every sensor. The keyboard could barely keep up as his hands danced across it. It was an invigoration he'd never experienced before, an expertise he'd never felt, a self he'd never known. Every new trap before him was a piece of cake, avoiding them before they'd even triggered. In the span of fifteen seconds, he'd arrived at the pedestal. The Carpe Diem. A major upgrade, far above his current standing, but it would fetch a pretty price for the right punk. The massive implant somehow fit in his inventory, he was thankful he wasn't on a real job, lugging this around would have been a task in and of itself.

Greg: Payload in hand. Ready to get the fuck out of here.

EdgeRunner: Gonna be a messy exit, kid. You up for it?

Greg: Don't have to flirt that nasty with me, Edge. Treat me tender.

He spun around, leaping down the entire hallway in one go. Thank you Shift, T, S. The crew stood at the door to the boardroom, perhaps a hundred grunts firing everything they had not far behind. Greg looked at every corner, and realized quickly what Edge meant. He turned around, looking at the massive glass wall overlooking Sunset City. His massive feet tapped against the wooden floor beneath his desk, itching for the run he was about to embark upon, his body begging for the rush... his muscles aching for the wind on his skin. He smirked. No second thoughts, he burst through the window.

ironclad: Fuck kid! That's one way out I guess!

EdgeRunner: Bail, boys! Let's fly.

Freefalling, Greg felt the cool breeze of his plummet on the lids of his closed eyes. Soon, but not yet. He had a job to finish. Control, Shift, C. His fall became a sprint, every footfall landing softly on the glass below, looking 99 floors straight down to the pavement.

GreWind: WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

Exhiliration. Excitement. Freedom. He was free. Coasting on the diagonal glass, he surfed down the building until he came painlessly onto the sidewalk below, followed not too far behind by Des landing in a bush, Iron on his face, and Edge on his own two feet. The quartet sped toward the four bikes parked along the street, making their swift getaway. As Wind wiped the sweat from his brow, leaning back in his chair, letting the ripe waft of pits beam from his arms. Incoming 1 on 1 from EdgeRunner. He of course had to reem in the accolades, smiling as he hit accept. Edge popped up in the corner of the screen, beaming from ear to ear.

"Now that's what the fuck I'm talkin' about! That upgrade did ya good, new kid." Wind smirked, puckering his lips and blowing a kiss to his studly boss man.

"You can show me your appreciation later, babe. Worked up a storm for ya." Wind flexed his arms, licking the sweat from his bicep and running his hand through his bright green hair.

"Heh, yeah, you're gonna fit in just fine. This'll fetch a nice penny from the middleman. Now, whaddya say, Greg? Ready for the real work?" Edge winked and his window closed.

EdgeRunner: Rendezvous at Checkpoint's. Your cuts will be waiting for you.

Stormwind: Aye, aye Captain.

lostdestiny: Shit, you two get a room already.

EdgeRunner: Nah, you're gonna sit and watch me fuck him raw and nasty, Des.

Stormwind: Won't be the last if you're nice, Des.

ironclad: I swear, if newbie is gonna be cumdump, I'm gonna be on whatever job he's on.

Stormwind: Plenty to go around, boys. Better be ready to clean this dick and worship these feet. They run real fast for y'all and they could use a tongue bath, won't even need any poppers. Freebase, baby.

EdgeRunner: See you at Checkpoint's, Wind. Welcome to the team.

[rasoyas]

9,12,14 & 15 for simblr ask game! 🫶🏻

wahh rachel i smooch thee!!! 💋 thank you for asking me these and answering the ones i sent you! i know i've said it before a million times, but i missed you so much and i'm so excited to see you posting again 🥰 juno and charlie are truly some of my favorite lil pixels i've ever seen! my answer for nine got long as hell so under thee cut it gooooes.

12. what is the last screenshot you took?

i put this above the cut for those who want to see it fdjkhfg take this unused cap from the latest modern day pipes & flux development

fun fact! flux was supposed to be cheated into a perpetual "fine" moodlet for the entirety of his existence, only popping colors when he was absolutely overrun by emotion. i'm going to be putting in a lil more effort moving forward, so he'll be in "fine" neutral white eyes from now on - this was originally meant to portray his stoicism, as he's a very dry, very matter-of-fact bot (which makes his crush on piper even cuter to me but i'm BIASED)

9. who is your favorite storytelling blog?

oh man okay just imagine me rubbin my hands together like a lil bug. @duusheen i'm of course incredibly biased toward because she took the barest bare bones of the man that was sterling atcliffe and turned him into one of the most captivating characters i've ever seen. i molded the clay but she is the one who breathed LIFE into that man, and i'm so so fond of everything she's done. @cinamun is an absolute foundational pillar of this community and story simblr would be nowhere near the place it is now without her, i swear by it: the drakes have been through every up and down and in-between that you can imagine, and i have enjoyed lapping up every bit of it. the developments in @bunnithechubs' stories and gameplay cannot be denied, and @elderwisp is actively writing a literal beautiful magnum opus of a novel that has captivated me heart and soul - the character studies between the both of them should be lofted in a museum i swear. special mentions to brandi @softpine and my lovely jade @stinkrascal, whose stories are so alive in their heads and hearts that they shine through the screen and i cannot imagine characters i would carry so gently in my hands but theirs and everyone else's. there is serious and real talent in this community, from tahj @fallstaticexit's absolutely innovative and seriously inspiring "h.a.g.s." comic (a literal comic y'all like CLICK THOSE READ MORES they do NOT disappoint) with so much character depth (and absolutely the saga of Nancy Landgraab, Most Tortured Lesbian) to @pixelatedblues's absolutely gorgeous and wonderfully moody "hana" sagas. becca @rebouks gave us some of the most intriguing and well-fleshed out characters i have ever seen, and the entire storyline of "somnium" had me in a regular chokehold every week. from cookie's kidnapping to oscar's redemption arc to the culmination of everyone's fates, i could not be prouder of what becca has accomplished with her characters and her story - i'm literally not even saying enough to put into words how strongly i feel about what an amazing job she's done!

i cannot say it enough - we are a small corner of this site, but there is real and serious talent here. i haven't even made mention of like a damn IOTA of the very real capability and creative genius we have on simblr. do you know how many times i wanted to scream and shake people's shoulders over developments in @warmsol or @thebramblewood's stories? @neishroom's talent belongs far beyond the bounds of simblr and that goes for everyone here - hell, @ophernelia is directing and producing, BY HERSELF, a series that could straight-up pop up on my netflix right now and bitch i would double thumbs-up that shit so fast. special mentions for @flovoid and @virsancte, who regularly give us glimpses into LITERAL MOVIES that blossom in their heads and grace us with their impeccable abilities to somehow capture that absolute magnificence in this piece of shit game from 2015. you are all so, so talented - and if you're reading this and i didn't mention you, I MEANT TO AND I'M SORRY I DRANK A WHISKEY COKE 🙏 ALSO my olli olli oxenfree @lucidicer quite literally crafted the most aesthetique and brutal world for his characters and i could lift them all above my head in true adoration, the work and love he pours into the narratives and worlds of his characters is a feat in and of itself, and then??? he pops out the most artful renders you'll ever god damn see. blood on the snow bro that's all i gotta sAYYY. also YOUUUU rachel your balance between gp and story posts with the hollands is a literal inspiration, i ran out of steam but my god do i love everything you do! eli and charlie’s tumultuous and fantastically handled past is the reason their love shines so brightly now and you handled it beautifully!! THEY HAVE KIIIDS MAN LIKE 😭 bro i also forgot while making a specific mental note to mention kayley @simswoon because i’m a BUZZED DINGUS but seriously seriously give her all the laurels man bc her growth from gen to gen of her struck by love legacy has warmed my heart to the bone.

14. who is your current favorite sim?

i can't even lie to you it's pipeeeeeer 😭 she's genuinely just the legitimately cutest sim i've ever made: i used dallas' wonderful cartoony face as a base for her, and she had such a bare character concept when i made her that growing her as an OC has been so much fun. flux is much more established in my head, and i'm so so fond of him and his story just developed even more, but piper is... WELL LOOK AT HER SHE'S PRECIOUS

truthfully, daniel taylor from my ancient bachelor challenge and my dallas krueger will always have the "lord of the rings" spot in my heart (ie. i can say i have a favorite movie but LOTR trumps them all type beat) and i can't wait to reintroduce daniel and his husbands as a part of piper and flux's story 😭

15. who is your current favorite sim that is not by you?

y'all omg this is torture 😭 i will forgor so i'm only gonna do one and nobody be mad at me PLEEEEEEEEASE 🙏 but genuinely one of my favorite sims and the one i check up on quite a bit has got to be .... UH.... THERE'S A LOT I'M LITERALLY FROZEN IN CHOICE ANALYSIS fdjkhg can my big ass answer for favorite story blog stand as a testament to the love i have for all your simmies pleek 🙏

[adafruit]

🎄💾🗓️ Day 9: Retrocomputing Advent Calendar - The Apple Lisa 🎄💾🗓️

The Apple Lisa, introduced on January 19, 1983, was a pioneering personal computer notable for its graphical user interface (GUI) and mouse input, a big departure from text-based command-line interfaces. Featured a Motorola 68000 CPU running at 5 MHz, 1 MB of RAM (expandable to 2 MB), and a 12-inch monochrome display with a resolution of 720×364 pixels. The system initially included dual 5.25-inch "Twiggy" floppy drives, later replaced by a single 3.5-inch Sony floppy drive in the Lisa 2 model. An optional 5 or 10 MB external ProFile hard drive provided more storage.

The Lisa's price of $9,995 (equivalent to approximately $30,600 in 2023) and performance issues held back its commercial success; sales were estimated at about 10,000 units.

It introduced advanced concepts such as memory protection and a document-oriented workflow, which influenced future Apple products and personal computing.

The Lisa's legacy had a huge impact on Apple computers, specifically the Macintosh line, which adopted and refined many of its features. While the Lisa was not exactly a commercial success, its contributions to the evolution of user-friendly computing interfaces are widely recognized in computing history.

These screen pictures come from Adafruit fan Philip " It still boots up from the Twiggy hard drive and runs. It also has a complete Pascal Development System." …"mine is a Lisa 2 with the 3.5” floppy and the 5 MB hard disk. In addition all of the unsold Lisa machines reached an ignominious end."

What end was that? From the Verge -

In September 1989, according to a news article, Apple buried about 2,700 unsold Lisa computers in Logan, Utah at a very closely guarded garbage dump. The Lisa was released in 1983, and it was Apple’s first stab at a truly modern, graphically driven computer: it had a mouse, windows, icons, menus, and other things we’ve all come to expect from “user-friendly” desktops. It had those features a full year before the release of the Macintosh.

Article, and video…

Check out the Apple Lisa page on Wikipedia

, the Computer History's article -

and the National Museum of American History – Behring center -

Have first computer memories? Post’em up in the comments, or post yours on socialz’ and tag them #firstcomputer #retrocomputing – See you back here tomorrow!

[ophernelia]

🧾️ complete resource list ↓

about me: brooklyn, black, chicago, she/her pronouns, 20+, wcif unfriendly

♡ all old helios overlays - do NOT delete logo, tag when using. (﹩canva pro)

✰ computer pc specs:

- mpg b550 gaming plus - nvidia geforce gtx 1660 - samsung 990 pro 2tb ssd - amd ryzen 9 5900x 12-core processor - 64 gb ripjaws ram - dell s275h 27” monitor - acer nitro 27" monitor

✰ frequently used software & sites:

- adobe premiere pro - blender 3.6 & 4.3 - canva pro - procreate - rni films - sims 4 studio - blenderkit - cgtrader - freepik - epidemic sound - google docs - notion - character creator 4 - rigmodels

✰ visual defaults

cas bg override: ffb3da by northernsiberiawinds ui override: pink ui override by vyxated loading screen override: dynamic loading screen by simmatically main menu override: refreshed main menu by simmatically

✰ favorite cc creators (cas, anim, build):

tina-sims, simstrouble, northern siberian winds, arethabee, badddiesims, belloallure, brandysims, busra, caio-cc, camuflaje, ceerproductions, charonlee, darte77, daylife-sims, gegesims, golyhawhaw, bbygyal123, greenllamas, grimcookies, kikovanity, mmsims, mssims, nucrests, sheabuttyr, seoulsoul, sentate, savage-sims, thisisthem, whoopsims, woosteru, simkoos, sims3melancholic, rimings, simtury, moood, cecesimsxo, kiricheu, plumbobsnfries, obscurus, madlen, luumia, lazyeyelids, jius, bergdorf, yuyulie, frxsk0, afrosimtricsims, wingssims, pinbox anye, awingedllama, arnie, blarrfy, breeze motors, budgie, charlypancakes, cluttercat, coupsims, dreamteamsims, felixandre, illogicalsims, khd, kkb, lilaccreative, littledica, leaf-motif, lory sims, myshunosun, pierisim, platinumluxesims, plush pixels, simagination, syboutlette, ddaeng, tuds, cowbuild, peacemaker, pixelplayground, sixam, the townie architect, max20, suga-simz, flirtyghoul, conceptdesign97sims, lazysimmies, hanraja, e404p, steven studios, grindana, rascal, sovasims, vms, misims, crispycucumber, utopya, kikichain, kingblackcinema, greynaya, cherry pie, yummy-o-tummy

✰ visual mods i use:

reshade 6.0 (all presets are personal) sunblind mod by softerhaze better in-game lighting by northernsiberiawinds (extra dark saturated) out of the dark by lotharihoe

✰ faq:

no lykaia cast members are available for download no lykaia sets are up for download no custom lykaia cas items are available for download lykaia is heavily influenced and inspired by greek mythology i only use my own reshade presets i am wcif unfriendly

cc making tutorials i use, simblrs i love, how i plan episodes, render tutorial, my blender theme

[bananayuyu]

just friends (9) - rising light

pairing: san x f reader

genre: smut, angst, a bit of fluff

word count: 10.4k

warnings: no smut this chapter, but a few suggestive moments

a/n: I cried writing this part y'all. I hope if you cry too it's in a relieved sort of way <3

<- previous part | next part -> | series masterlist | read it on ao3

Two Years Later

“Do you remember what you said to me at our first session?  When I asked you why you were seeking therapy?”

The bright fiery mane of hair atop your therapist’s head swayed side to side as she did, and you own body language mimicked her’s, your head shaking.

“I wrote it in my notes, so we could refer to it on a day like today.  Give me a second.”  Her face was stuck in concentration on your screen, as it always was when she went searching for a document.  “Here, you simply said, ‘I think I might be a horrible person.’”

“Wow,” you sighed, pushing your glasses up your nose.

“How do you feel now, hearing that?”

“I- wow, whew, that’s a lot,” you sighed, a dull ache settling in your chest.  It had been a while since you’d thought of that time, and how depressed you’d been.  Every time you did, it was a stark reminder of where you were now; you still lived in the same room in the same city, still lived with the same people and had almost the same job, but you were so completely different it was hard to comprehend.  There was difficulty in processing it, and it always sent waves of heavy emotion through you.

“Breathe, just breathe through it,” your therapist said, calmly.  She knew you were about to cry, had seen this look on your face enough times to be sure.

“I just am really sad for the girl who said that,” you finally answered.  Pulling off your glasses as the tears came, you breathed your way through them, rocking in your chair the way that helped you deal with these kinds of feelings.

“You’ve come a long way, haven’t you.”

“It’s all thanks to you, I’ve been so grateful for your help.”  You looked at her somewhat pixelated face on your screen warmly.

“It’s been a pleasure,” she said, sighing and staring back at you with a sweet smile.  “You know I’m not really supposed to say this, but sometimes certain clients really are a joy to work with, in a way that other’s aren’t.  You’ve really done the work, my dear.  You’ve transformed your life and your relationship with yourself.  It’s remarkable, and it’s so invigorating to know that there are young people out there who are taking the time to heal themselves before the rest of their life passes them by.  It is a very special thing.  Of course, going to therapy and working on yourself at any age is impressive and something to be celebrated.  But I’m really happy for you.  Now going forward, whether it be with your work or your relationships or your health, you know how to approach things in a way that works for you.  You know how to keep balance.  You know what boundaries are necessary for your life.  I’m incredibly proud of you.”

You cried hard, furiously blowing your nose and reaching for more tissues from the box you kept by your computer for times like this.

“Thank you,” you squeaked, wiping tears away.

“Do you think you’re a horrible person now?” she asked.

“No, definitely not,” you sighed, chuckling.  “Also, that’s not a very useful thing to say, I mean, what does it change, how does it help me or anyone else?  But- can I be really honest with you?”

Your therapist nodded.

“I think- I guess, I don’t know how exactly to say this- I don’t think I was ever a horrible person, inherently, like deep to my bones, but I think I was acting horribly during that time of my life, with my ex and my family.  I was treating them very badly.  I know in many ways it was how I was coping with my anxiety, but it was hurting them.”

“Do you feel remorse for it?”

“I didn’t at the time, I don’t think.  I- I don’t know how, but I didn’t.”  You stared off at the wall behind your laptop, feeling the aftertaste of guilt.

“But now?”

“I wish I could go back and change it, obviously, but I can’t.  I just know now that I’m much better about my family, that I’ve set good boundaries but also become much more supportive and just present more, actually traveling there every month.  And with my ex, well, all I can hope is that he’s processed everything too and that he’s moved on.  I hope he’s found someone, honestly-“ you cut yourself off with a sob, burying your head in your arms.

“Do you really wish that?” she asked, head tilted in a look of genuine curiosity.

“I just want him to be happy,” you sighed, willing it to be true.

“Do you wish that happiness could be with you?”

You nodded and held yourself, letting the deluge of tears fall over your knees.  “I just wish things hadn’t ended so horribly between us, you know?”

“Do you feel bothered by that often?”

“No, honestly, I don’t think of him much anymore,” you said, staring up into the corner of your room, rocking and letting the tears just fall.  “Well- no, I do.  But not like how I used to.  Those first months after we broke up he was all I could think about, and I replayed that conversation so many times over.  Te amo mucho, pero tengo que dejarte ir.  I would think about it all the time.  I wondered if he thought I wouldn’t understand, if that’s why he didn’t say it in English.  But why didn’t he say it in Korean?  Did he want me to struggle to understand, is that why he’d said in a language I partially know?  Did he want me to obsess over it and have to go look up the translation?  I just didn’t understand his reasoning, if there even was a reasoning, and so I spiraled, and it wasn’t even an active spiraling, it would be happening in the background of my mind while I did other things, and even if I was horrendously busy it would still be there.  That finally went away after a few months, but- god, that last conversation and day we saw each other was just so awful.  And it’s embarrassing too, that we did that.”

“Which part is embarrassing?”

“That we slept together,” you sighed, cringing.

“That’s a very normal thing to do with someone you’re attracted to,” your therapist said.  “And there’s no use in beating yourself up about it.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many people out there have slept with someone after getting a divorce.  It’s an extremely human thing, and sometimes I think people just need to get it out of their systems, especially when it comes to break ups.  Maybe it needed to happen that way, so you both could finally move on.”

“Maybe,” you sighed, the tears slowing.  With a final wipe of your face you settled your glasses back on your nose, sitting back down in your chair more comfortably.

“Just remember what you said earlier, which is why I brought up the note from your first session.  You told me today that you saw your parents and twin this weekend, that you feel satisfied with all of the work projects you have, that you’re seeing your roommates for dinner tomorrow, and that you feel very happy with the life you have now.  You sounded like a completely different person than the woman I met what was it, a year and nine months ago?  It’s a huge accomplishment.  Finding contentment in the life you’ve made is probably the biggest achievement one could ever accomplish.”

“Thank you,” you sighed, smiling at her.  Therapy had been an absolute life saver, you’d thanked Tina more times than you could count by now.  She’d known what you needed, and you should have followed the advice years ago; still, you were thankful you finally actually dove in, and got your diagnosis, and started to learn to live with your anxiety instead of letting it run your life.

“We’re almost out of time, is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

“No, I think we covered everything we needed to,” you answered.

“Sounds good, well, be well, take good care, and I will see you in two weeks,” she said brightly.

“See you then, bye!” you replied, watching her wave from her office before her face disappeared and the video call was terminated.

You were left happy, but a bit emotionally drained; it was common with your sessions, part of the reason you’d switched last month to having sessions every two weeks instead of every week.  But the work and exhaustion was well worth it, you knew that now; you actually had good relationships with everyone in your life, had a sense that you belonged to a community of people that cared for you.  There too was the sense that now you cared for them back, that you knew what to do to make them feel your love and support in earnest.

“Steph, we’re meeting at seven tomorrow, right?” you called down the hall, your roommate’s bedroom door ajar like it always was.

“Yes!  I’m gonna try to go to Danny’s yoga class at 5:15 beforehand, if you want to join,” she responded, her head finally appearing as she swung her door fully open.

“Oh I’d love to, maybe we can bring a change of clothes and just change there before dinner?” you said.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” she smiled.

“Okay cool, I’m gonna make myself some pasta salad for lunch, do you want any?”

“Ooh, are you gonna use that rotisserie chicken you got yesterday in it?” she asked, eyebrows high.

“Yup, and the Colby Jack Estrella said she didn’t like,” you chuckled, thinking of her scrunched face when she’d handed it to you.

“That sounds delicious, I’d love some,” she smiled, before slinking back into her room to grab her book, and settling on the couch as you cooked.

“You still want to come to the drag show tonight?” you asked her as you chopped veggies, the apartment pleasantly quiet for midday on a Thursday.

“I can’t, I was asked to come close today cause that manager that I hate called out again.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” you said, scraping the cucumber into a large mixing bowl.

“It’s all good, I’m sure I can make it next week.  I know D and Estrella are so excited for it though.”

“I know, I can’t believe I didn’t know they love drag.  I would have invited them to the bar way sooner,” you said, shaking your head.

“It’s all good, I’m glad you know now.  The place you work at is so cool.”

“Thanks,” you chuckled, a bit of pride swelling within you.

After lunch had been consumed and the time neared one in the afternoon, your phone started buzzing.

“Hello?” you answered.

“Hey, I just wanted to double check with you about the show tonight,” Danny said, on his lunch break and shoving food in his mouth.  “It starts at seven, right?”

“Yeah, and it’s in the upstairs room, you’ll take the stairs to your right after you’ve entered the front door, they’re pretty hard to miss.  I can send the instructions in our group chat so you both have them.”

“Okay that would be good, cause you know Strella is way more on top of this shit than I am,” he laughed.

“Of course, no worries,” you replied.

“Are you going to be there tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m teaching from three to eight,” you answered.

“Cool, I’ll stop by and say hi if I can remember.  The rehearsal space is on the second floor too, right?”

“Yeah, just text me, I can come out,” you nodded, opening the fridge with your free hand and placing the tupperware container of leftovers on the bottom shelf.

“Okay, sounds good.  I should go back to my desk, I’ll see you tonight!” he called.

“See you!” you called back, shutting the fridge door and hanging up the call.  You had a few minutes to ready yourself before you headed off to work, but you tried not to rush, determined to breath your way through it.  All the rushing of previous years had been an anxiety response; so too had the obsessive checking of your bag, and now that you were aware of just how much your anxiety had controlled, it was quite a feat to think of completely ridding it from your life.  You understood, it probably would never be gone; this was part of you, something you’d inherited genetically no doubt, and something that would be with you forever.  But you were better now about taking your time, about breathing, about sitting in the uncomfortable uncertainty of life an letting yourself just be.  It was okay to show up a minute or two late to work sometimes; everyone else did it, and for years you’d forced yourself not to.  You were reclaiming your time, taking each small moment of life in stride; you were working with yourself, rather than against, and the rewards for doing so had been endless.

“Titi, we’re teaching Look, Look today, right?”  you called as you entered the backdoor, seeing her padding down the hallway towards the stairs.  You waved to the cooks as you jetted after her, excitement bubbling just seeing her energized body, knowing why it was she was feeling so happy these days.

“Oh, shit, I thought you were already up there!” she called back, slowing her movements and waiting as you ran over, enveloping you in a big hug.

“Not early today,” you chuckled, checking the time on your phone, seeing it was exactly 3:00 pm.

“How was therapy?” she asked as you started climbing, arm in arm.

“Really good, we actually talked about San, but, it was brief,” you huffed, the stairwell in the back of the building far steeper than the one that the customers used.

“You feeling okay about it?” she asked, face concerned.

“Yeah, it was good confirmation that I’ve changed a lot since then, you know, that I would never treat someone like that again.  I still remember it with a lot of pain in my chest, but like, it doesn’t completely destroy me, you know?  I can cry it out and I can come to work and be fine.”

Tina nodded in sympathy, squeezing hard onto your arm as the two of you finally reached the backdoor of the rehearsal space upstairs.  There was so much that had been said between you over these last two years; you’d finally admitted everything, finally told her the whole story of you and San one night.  You were delirious, sick, completely out of it, half asleep in your bed.  Your roommates were there too, and Maya, and Micah; by chance they’d all been there, and you’d fallen ill, and having so many people looking after you, people that you felt like you’d lied to for a long time, made you feel like exploding.  It had been building inside of you for months, but at that point you’d admitted everything to your therapist, and having said it to one person made saying it to others a bit easier.  It had all fallen out of you, messy and tearful and hard to follow.  But Tina had picked it apart easily, even as everyone else could barely understand.

She’d been frustrated, to say the least.  She had sat and berated him, her and Maya had, and to know that there was so much more to the story, that you’d been forcing his hand in so many ways and holding your sexuality over his head, was frustrating.  As always with her, there was no judgment; she’d done her fair share of shitty things while being a very depressed teenager, and she knew just as well as anyone that untreated mental health issues can cause the kindest of people to engage in the strangest of behaviors.  She was glad to finally know the truth, but also didn’t understand why’d you’d hidden it; finally, though, you both reached a state of trust and stability that reminded you of the early years of your friendship, and the two of you couldn’t have been happier.

The happiness only continued with the changes at work.  The bar had reached a level of financial success that your boss Julie had never expected, and as the realty firm upstairs decided to vacate their offices, she swept in to buy the entire second floor and convert it into another stage and sitting area.  Per your request she’d designed a rehearsal space too, complete with slick wood flooring and wall to wall mirrors.  Teaching choreography in the back hall or in the dressing room had become increasingly difficult, especially as the performing staff grew to be more than forty people.  Eventually you were performing yourself so little that Julie asked you; would a new position, as simply a choreographer, be something you wanted to take on?

Giving up performing didn’t sound so great the first time she’d said it, but then you really thought on it, considered it deeply, and came back to discuss it a few days later.  So much in your life was changing with the musical and your new play; so much to adjust to, complicated schedules, new deadlines for edits.  Financially things were faring okay, with royalties and advances, but the bar had been in your life almost five years now, and you’d been here to watch it grow, been a part of that growth with all the songs you’d written and numbers you’d created.  It was here that you’d developed the skills that allowed the musical to be made; you didn’t want to give it up, especially when you loved it so much, and had no idea what the future held in terms of your writing career.

You’d agreed to her suggestion; you knew you would miss the stage, but you also knew that you’d been running your body into the ground, and that this late sleep schedule you’d kept for all these years was starting to affect you.  You’d never be an early riser, that just wasn’t in your nature, but not falling asleep until four in the morning, only to have to wake for a rehearsal at a new theater at nine, was not feeling good.  Plus, you’d had your fill of nightlife by then, had seen enough drunk coworkers and customers to fill a lifetime.  You’d never been able to drink anyway, so strange that you found yourself in that world; but life is strange, you always knew that, and the best thing to do was to face it all head on and make the changes you needed to.

You were now an official choreographer, along with Tina, and would write new songs for the bar if you had the time and will.  It was strange to be teaching performers often older than you, but you had their respect always, having been here for so long.  Your hours were reduced, allowing you to attend showings of your plays when needs be, and get to bed at a more reasonable hour so you could rise for rehearsals.

“Hey everyone!” Tina called as the two of you entered, most of your students for the day already warming up and stretching, spread across the room.  The assortment of bodies and faces always made you smile, the happy faces, the passion.  You were assisting Tina today with a number she’d choreographed just last weekend, upbeat and campy, an homage to old classic drag performances that the two of you wished were happening more at your bar.

“It looks like most of you are already here, so we’ll get started in about five minutes,” Tina said, counting heads and making sure she knew how many more students to expect.

Things started as smoothly as they always did, the two of you leading the boisterous but focused class through the new choreography.  Everyone loved it, it was clear in their faces and spinning bodies that they did; your bar was beginning to be known for it’s drag performances, and many of the performers had started dabbling in the art even if they’d never thought to try it before.

Two hours passed swiftly, everyone in the room sweaty and panting.  It was remarkable how much you could teach in this short of a time, but now the performers needed a break as most of them were working tonight, and had to ready themselves for the stage.  Water was chugged and many ran downstairs, ready to start their makeup for the night and get in the zone.  A small gaggle of newer performers were set to arrive at six, ones who had not yet stepped foot on either of the bar’s stages.  You and Tina had a little less than an hour to rest, prep, and ready yourselves to teach the same choreography to a new set of eyes.

“I have to tell you something,” Tina whispered as she came and sat down against the wall next to you.

“Is it bad, is it good-“

You were cut off by your phone ringing, the ringtone you’d saved for Ilya blasting through the tiny speaker.

“Hey, what’s up?” you answered, expecting just a quick check-in.

“Hey I know y’all are supposed to teach today, but that new server just called out, so Lina is kind of strapped for people at the bar, can one of you come down and serve tonight, at least for a few hours?” he said, the words rushing out.

“Oh, um, yeah, one sec,” you answered, turning to Tina.

“You go, I choreographed this number, I can teach it on my own,” she said, smiling.

“But it’s all newbies, they’re probably gonna be a lot, and I don’t want to abandon you like this,” you sighed.

“I’ll be fine seriously, she’ll do it Ilya,” she called through the phone.

“I’ll do it,” you chuckled, bringing he phone back to your ear.

“Okay, thank you darling, you’re a lifesaver!” he called back before hanging up the call.

“I better get down there I guess, it’s already past five,” you sighed, pushing yourself to stand.  “Fuck I need some better clothes, this shirt is not really serving appropriate.”

“Here take mine, with those jeans I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she said, stripping off the button-up she’d worn, and trading it with your t-shirt.

“You’re my knight in shining armor,” you joked, throwing your arms around her before shoving your phone in your back pocket.  “Oh, wait, what were you going to tell me?”

“No it can wait, you’ve gotta go,” she said, shaking her head, but her lips were turned up in a devious little smile and you couldn’t let it go.

“Titi, just tell me!” you responded, grabbing her by the shoulders and looking her in the eye.

“Well…” she started, looking away as her smile grew.  “Maya proposed.”

“Oh my god!” you screamed, jumping on her in excitement, spinning around as you hugged and laughed together.

“I know, I knew it was coming but I didn’t realize it would happen last night,” she sighed wistfully.

“Last night, oh my god, this is so crazy,” you smiled, pulling her in for another hug.

“You’re the first to know, so please don’t go telling anyone.  We wanna keep it a secret for a little bit.  But I just had to tell you.”

“Oh hon, I’m so excited for you,” you sighed, tears forming in your lash line.

“No crying, you have to go down and work,” she laughed, tears forming in her eyes too.

“Now I don’t wanna, I just want to celebrate with you,” you laughed, grabbing her hand.

“We’ll celebrate this weekend,” she smiled, then turned your body around and started pushing you towards the door.  “Now go and be a good team player,” she laughed, and you laughed too, stumbling out the door and down the stairs, coming out into the back of the bar.

“Hey Lina, I’m here to help,” you called as you rounded the corner, a huge line of people at the bar staring you down and reminding you just how popular this place had become.  The ground floor was teeming with people, especially by the bar where there weren’t tables in the way.  You hadn’t been down here during open business hours in a long time, and couldn’t believe that so early in the evening it was already so crowded.  But the menu had expanded, and the popularity for getting dinner here was massive, now; sometimes it was busier at five than it was at ten pm.

“Oh thank you, I know you were supposed to teach today, but that new girl called out, anyway, those two trays are ready to go,” she said, pointing to the counter in front of you.  “The cocktails are for table twelve, the two beers are for table four.”

“Got it, thanks!” you called over the music coming from the stage, grabbing the cocktails first to take them to the table just beside the bar.

“Your cocktails, my friends,” you said as you neared them, a group of women all probably in their thirties, chatting and giggling away as they caught up and gossiped.

“Misha, they are beautiful, you were right!” one called to another, and the table burst into laughter and admiration of the bright blue drinks you set down before them.  You made your way back to the bar quickly, grabbing the other tray, and snaking your way to the other side of the room to find table four.

You were hit for a moment with a very familiar feeling; you avoided another server, watched meticulously where you were stepping to avoid any purses or shoes or other tripping hazards that might be in your path.  You looked down at your tennis shoes, feeling a slight pang of embarrassment; but it only felt like a distraction from another feeling forming so rapidly that it hit you like a train.

Deja vu.  

You looked up, and there he was, at the same table you’d met him at, waiting on the same beer, from the same server, at almost the exact same time.  There wasn’t a massive group of suit-wearing men around him this time, only one striking blonde man, who’s chin sat in his hands as he watched the stage intently.  San, though, was facing you, and was being hit with all the same tumble of emotions that you were, your heart rates matching in their quick pace.

“What are you doing here?” you asked as you set the drinks down, standing back up quickly with your mouth agape.

“Antin is finally in town, I had to invite him,” he said, motioning to the man beside him.  “You remember him right, my friend from college who does drag?”

At that his friend’s head turned to you, and in a second you saw a million thoughts run through his mind.

“Of course, it’s very nice to meet you,” you said, holding out your hand for Antin to shake.

“You too,” he smiled, bowing slightly, his accent thick.  “You are the girl who choreographed a performance to Kalyna, correct?”

“Yes, that’s right,” you smiled.

“I love that song, one of my favorites,” he smiled back.

“Could you perform it tonight?” San asked, and your gaze snapped back to him, your stomach dropping the longer you stared.  He was just as perfect as you remembered, but with an added layer of maturity that looked all too well on him; seeing his face unexpectedly was bringing so many emotions to the surface that you were struggling to name any of them.

“Oh- well, I don’t really perform anymore, and we retired that number a long time ago…” you trailed off, feeling the disappointment coming from both of them.  “I- I could see, if Sasha and Tina and Bibi are open to it, it’s probably a complete shot in the dark…”

“No pressure at all, San just keeps insisting it was the best performance he’s ever seen here.  But I’m sure adding an unexpected performance to the schedule wouldn’t work,” Antin said, shooting San a look, before looking back to you with that kind and genuine smile.  “I just loved to hear that anyone here felt compelled to perform that song.”

“It’s fantastic, I felt like I had to,” you said, looking over your shoulder briefly to check the state of the bar and see if more trays were ready to be delivered.  “Listen, I’ll ask about it, see if we can do it,” you sighed, looking back to them.  “It’s probably not going to work, but I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” San smiled, before raising his beer to his lips, staring you down intently, and taking a big swig.

You ran back to the bar, telling Lina you needed to leave for a second, before ducking into the hallway.  You called Ilya first, to ask if it was even possible; once you got the okay from him, you called Sasha who you saw waiting in the wings, then Tina who miraculously had just called a five-minute break for her students.  Having phones on you at work was one of the hardest changes to adjust to, but in this moment you felt unbelievably thankful for it.  Finally you called Bibi who was upstairs hosting, with no idea if she’d be able to answer.

“Si?” she answered.

“Bibi, tengo una pregunta.”

“Que?”

“Do you remember that number I choreographed called Kalyna?” you asked.

“Mm, not sure?”

“It was that Ukrainian song, we all wore really dark eye makeup, hair pulled back-“

“Ah, yes, I do remember,” she said.

“Would you want to perform it tonight?”

“Huh?”

“I know it’s weird, but I already okayed it with Ilya, and an old friend of mine is here and I really want us to perform the number if we can.”  You breathed through the phone, squeezing your eyes shut as you hoped for the answer you wanted to hear.

“Okay, but when?” she asked.

“8:15, Ilya said he’d cover for you.”

“Okay, sounds good to me,” she said, and you squealed your thanks through the phone, before hanging up and running back to the bar, delivering the next tray that Lina had set out for you.  As you passed by San and Ilya’s table you leaned down, whispering ‘it’s happening, at 8:15,’ before running back to the bar again.  You couldn’t bring yourself to look back at their reactions, feeling nervous and excited in a way that was unique to the situation, hoping beyond hope that you’d live up to Antin’s expectations, and make San proud.

The makeup had been rushed, costumes hard to find, and hair nothing like the way you’d worn it then, but the feeling you had while walking on the stage was all the same, the excitement and pride swelling within you, your heart racing at the chance to be up in front of everyone again.

“And now, we are bringing back a number from three years ago, for one special performance tonight!” Sasha called through the microphone, the four of you lined up towards the back of the stage, the music beginning.  The crowd erupted in moderate applause, few of them remembering this old number, but the others were still excited by the prospect of seeing something new and unique.  “This is Kalyna!” Sasha finished, just as the choreo began and you all moved in sync, hitting the sharp movements easily, as if no time had passed.  You’d forgotten how it felt to perform when you were so well rested; you body ached to move, spin, hit every angle with all the precision you could muster.  It was electric being back up here, especially with your best friend and two favorite coworkers, and as you turned and spotted the wide mouthed stare of Antin, all the chaos of getting ready was completely worth it.

When you looked over to San, his smile was wide and genuine as he looked between you and his friend, so happy he was getting the chance to show Antin just how amazing you were.  Years had past, so much of life had gone by, but no one in his life had ever gotten to see you in the flesh, to understand everything he’d seen in you back then, even if you hadn’t been perfect.  His broad shoulders and flushed cheeks, his eyes crinkling at the corners and his longer, thick black hair, made every part of you scream in delight, forgetting the complicated feelings of first seeing him and being only overcome with the sense that he was healthy and happy, as you’d hoped he was.

His applause as you finished was dramatic, genuine, and tears almost came as you caught his eye, the two of you stuck on each other even as you went to turn and exit the stage.  You ran down to the bar, grabbing another tray in need of delivery before walking to his table again.

“What did you think?” you asked Antin as you neared them.

“Wonderful, just wonderful,” he said, his smile now stretching to the sides of his cheeks.

“I hope we did the song justice,” you chuckled.

“Oh absolutely, the choreography was perfect.  It’s supposed to invoke a strong feeling, you captured it so well.”

“Thank you, that really means a lot,” you replied, your own smile now matching his, overwhelming feelings of gratitude washing through you.

“Can I talk to you a minute, outside?” San asked suddenly, and you snapped your eyes to him, nodding.

“I- I’ll have to check with Lina at the bar, I should be leaving soon but let me make sure,” you said, and he nodded as you walked away.

“I’m heading out, are you coming?” Tina asked when she saw you, ducking into the bar area too.

“San asked if we could talk outside, so not right away.  Plus Lina might need more help, we’ll see,” you said, hugging her.

“Okay, I hope your talk with him goes well.  I can’t fucking believe he’s here tonight,” she laughed, pulling away.

“Girl me neither, it doesn’t even feel real,” you responded, laughing too.

In the end there was one more tray for you to deliver, and then Lina said she’d be fine for the rest of the night, another performer coming out to help her instead.  You made for the direction of table four, motioning for San to follow you outside; you were still in your costume and makeup, but a growing excitement and anxiety in your chest made you forget it all.  You just wanted to see what he had to say, and finally get to see for yourself how this separation was faring for him.

The air was hot as you exited, dry against your skin, but nothing could distract you from the pounding in your chest as you stepped outside with San on your heels, the two of you finding an empty patch of wall just to the left of the front doors, and parking yourselves there.

“So you’re not really performing anymore?” San asked immediately, his shoulders and head resting against the wall as he faced you.

“No, I just choreograph now, Julie sort of made new positions for me and Tina,” you nodded, crossing your arms, your eyes darting around in your nervousness.

“That’s exciting, it seems like the bar has gotten quite popular,” he said, tilting his head towards the front door, a group of boys dressed to the nines making their way inside.

“Yeah it’s gotten pretty busy, more than forty people on the performing staff.”

“Wow,” he responded, eyebrows high.

“Yeah, a lot has changed.  Did you see the second floor?” you asked.

“No, our host told us about it but I thought we should just sit down here.  I saw the table by the stage was open, and Antin really wanted to see the performers up close,” he answered.

“I hope he enjoyed our performance,” you said.

“I know he did, thank you for making it happen.”

“Of course,” you smiled, your chest finally starting to calm as the words tumbled out of you so easily.  It felt almost normal standing here with him, as unexpected and chaotic as the night had been; your body was comfortable, and your every thought wished to leave you, always feeling so safe around him.

“You seem really happy,” he said, sighing as he looked at you intently again, as if scanning for answers.

“Things are good,” you nodded, looking away momentarily as his gaze became too piercing.  “Does my makeup look weird, or something?”

“No, sorry, I just like looking at you,” he replied, gazing away.  “Congrats on your musical being renewed for another season, I’m sure you two must be thrilled about it.”

“Wait, how do you know about that?” you asked, trying to ignore his first comment.

“I saw, when it opened last fall I got an ad on Instagram.  I came the first week, to the Sunday matinee show,” he smiled, gazing at you again, as if he couldn’t help it.

“San,” you whispered, suddenly taken by the idea that he’d been there that first week, the week that your life had changed so dramatically, when everything felt like it was finally falling into place.

“I saw you bowing with everyone at the end, and thought you were wearing fake glasses to look smarter, like I do,” he chuckled.

“I would never do such a thing,” you laughed, arms unfolding as you bent over slightly, trying to cover the intense feelings you were having with humor.  “These aren’t fake, Sannie.”

“I realize that now,” he chuckled.  “When did you get them?”

“About a year ago.  I finally went to the doctor and figured out why staring at my computer screen had become so hard.”

“They look good on you,” he said, and you met his gaze full-on this time, breathing in deeply.

“Thank you,” you replied, moving closer.  “You look good yourself, you look happy.”

“Antin’s moved to town,” he smiled.

“Oh that’s wonderful news,” you replied.

“Last weekend I took him to your play at the The Box, he loved it.”

“San, how did you know about that one too?!” you almost cried, truly shocked.

“Your plays are getting more attention than I think you realize,” he laughed, dimples popping.  “A lot of people are talking about them, you know that, right?”

“Not really, I’m just in my little bubble, working on my next one right now, and working here-“ you pointed inside- “and nothing’s really changed, that much.  And The Box is not a well known theater at all.”

“There’s a lot of talk amongst people who enjoy this kind of stuff,” he said, smiling.  “I didn’t realize Tina was getting into acting too, she was fantastic in your play.  Antin really wants to start acting again, that’s why he came back.”

“Tina’s loving it,” you said, smiling at him.  “And if Antin wants in, I can probably pull some strings there.  There’s always help needed with behind the scenes work, and I’m sure once he knows people he can go to auditions as often as he’d like.”

“That would be really great, if it wouldn’t be too much hassle for you,” San replied.

“Not at all, there’s a performer here Ada who I got a part in a new show starting this fall at the Willow.  The theaters appreciate being connected with people usually, and you never know, sometimes the right role comes along and it’s just a perfect fit.  I’ll see what I can do for him.”

San’s lips had closed but his smile still shone strong, and without a word he just stared at you, the distance between feeling like it was growing hotter and smaller, your eyes holding each other’s gaze with a strength that surprised you both.

“What?” you finally asked, not breaking eye contact.

“You just seem so different, it’s crazy,” he finally said, breaking it himself.

“Different how?”

“So much calmer, so much more mature, it feels like you’ve become a completely different person in the last two years,” he said, resting his back on the wall and crossing his arms.

“Is that a good thing?” you ventured, your nerves growing again.

“Absolutely, it’s- I guess I kind of always hoped, in the back of my mind, that this was how things were turning out for you.  I saw that your musical got picked up, then I saw your other play at the experimental theater, and I just hoped that you were happy and that things were going well for you, not just with work but with everything else too.”

Tears came, and you couldn’t stop one from falling down your right cheek, wiping it away quickly.

“How’s your Dad?” he asked, softly.

“He’s not doing very well,” you answered, sighing.  “But he’s getting the best care he possibly can.  He only has a few more years left, probably.  I doubt he’ll live to see the day I turn thirty.”  You took a deep breath, steadying yourself.  “But I visit every month now, sometimes more than once, so I feel like I’m actually there for him, and getting to spend quality time with him while he’s still around.  My mom took him to see the musical a month after it opened, they came with Micah, and it was really special.”

The air was silent again, and San reached up to wipe another tear falling from your left eye, rubbing your cheek comfortingly.

“How’s Micah?” 

“She’s good, she and my mom are really good,” you sighed.

“And Tina?”

“Very good,” you chuckled, thinking of the news she’d just shared with you earlier.  “Very, very good.”

“And you, how are you?”  He’d pulled his hand back, but your faces were even closer now, maybe only a foot and a half apart.

“I’m good too,” you sighed, smiling at him.  “How are you, how is your family?”

“They’re all good, still the same, my little brother is being promoted like crazy in his company.”

“Are you still at the same job?” you asked.

“Yep, things are still going well there.  Even if boss still asks me about marriage every other time he sees me,” he chuckled.

“Are you seeing anyone?” you asked, and the air felt suddenly a bit cold, as you’d finally put the question out there that both of you had been thinking this whole time.

“No, are you?” he asked, quickly.  There was a tangible nervousnesses in him now, and your insides went soft at the idea that he maybe still cared, just like you did.

“No, I haven’t seen anyone else since we broke up,” you said, eyes locked on his.

“Me neither.”

Suddenly you both went silent, the moment stretching as you gazed into each other’s souls, a realization hitting both of you that was overwhelming in it’s entirety.  You’d both been stuck on each other, even after all was said and done and you’d moved on; there was no one else that seemed worthy, no one that made you feel as alive, as enraptured.

“Sannie, I’m so sorry for everything, I’m sorry for all the shit I put you through-“

“Shh, it’s okay, this doesn’t have to happen now-“

“No it does, I can’t wait, I fucked up so badly and I treated you so unfairly and I know that now, I hope you know that these past two years I’ve regretted every stupid thing I did, not letting us label our relationship, saying things were casual when they so obviously were not, I know now that it was all my fault-“

“It wasn’t all your fault, it was mine too-“

“No it wasn’t, you were too good to me, too kind-“

He reached forward and put a hand behind your head, before your mouths met in a hasty kiss, your lips immediately falling into the rhythm they knew so well, sparks of desire rushing through you from your tongue to your core.  It was intoxicating to be in his grasp again, to be leaning back and letting him hold you, opening your mouth further so he could deepen your kiss and all but devour-

Suddenly you heard your name being called, and the two of you parted, staring back in the direction of the sound.  Stumbling out of the front doors were your roommates Danny and Estrella, tipsy and high off adrenaline, having just finished watching the drag show they came for.

“It is you!” Danny laughed, and you held your hands up over your face in embarrassment, nodding.  “We tried looking for you upstairs, turns out you're down here kissing a handsome guy.”

“Guys this is San, San this is my roommate Danny, and my roommate Estrella,” you laughed, introducing everybody.  Your roommates had heard the story by now, as had everyone in your life; you saw both of them balk in shock for second, before politely shaking San’s hand and making pleasant small talk.

“Do they know who I am?” San asked when they’d said their goodbyes, bounding down the street on their way home.

“Yeah, they do,” you laughed, smiling.

“I’m sorry I just kissed you, I didn’t know if that’s what you wanted too, I should have asked,” he sighed, settling back against the wall.

“It’s okay Sannie, I definitely wanted it too,” you laughed, mirroring his movements.  “I haven’t met a single other person these whole two years who even comes close to being as attractive as you.  And now that you’re here in front of me it’s like, how do I even say this, I feel like an animal in heat.”

He burst out laughing at your wording, covering his face for a moment as he collected himself.  “I feel the same,” he said, looking at you with flushed cheeks, brushing a longer piece of hair out of his face.  “I’ve been waiting for someone else to come along, but no one has.  You’re very special, there aren’t many people like you in this world.”

You looked over sideways at him, eyes wide with adoration.

“What are we gonna do?” you finally asked, sighing deeply.

“I don’t know, what do you want?” he replied.

“I just miss you,” you said, and suddenly your voice broke on the last word, and a huge wave of emotion hit you as tears started to fall.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here now,” he said as he pulled you into his arms, holding your head against his chest as he comforted you.

“How can you be like this with me now, after everything I did?” you squeaked, adrenaline wracking through you.

“It was a long time ago now, so much has changed,” he sighed, holding you tighter.

“But you can’t really forgive me for it, can you?” you sobbed, wiping snot from your nose.

“I can, I have, what makes you think I couldn’t?” he asked.

“I put you through a lot,” you sighed, trying to catch hold of your breathing.

“And I let you, and I didn’t walk away.  I never voiced what I needed.  I let you walk all over me.  I fucked up too, and I should have done better.”

“But you knew if you stood up to me I would scream and yell, and probably cut you off, that’s why you didn’t do it.  I had backed you into a corner, and I was always using my anxiety as an excuse to demand more of your time-“

“Baby please, please just stop,” he begged from above you, his own voice finally breaking.  You lifted your head, and he loosened his grip so you could actually see him, see the hard set of his jaw and the glassiness of his eyes.  He’d asked you this before, and you’d hardly ever listened; the moment was hitting you, a chance to do the right thing, to listen, to abide, to show him you really did care now.

“I’m sorry,” you said, lifting a hand to his cheek and holding it there tenderly.

“I don’t want to rehash everything right now,” he sighed, looking out into the street ahead.  “I’ve missed you too, missed you terribly, and I’ve tried to move on and forget about you, but I can’t.  No matter what I do I miss you, and I wonder if you’ve changed, and I think about how much time has passed and how many huge accomplishments you’ve attained without me by your side-“  He cut himself off with a sharp breath, pulling you in again and resting his head on yours.  “I told Antin I wanted to come here tonight to have some fun, but really I hoped that I would see you, and maybe get a chance to talk to you.  Just see how you’re doing.  That’s all I wanted.”

“I understand,” you said after a moment, squeezing him tightly.  “I’m sorry I always babble when I’m with you, the words just come so easily.  But we don’t have to rehash everything now.  I’m glad you came, I’m glad I got to see you too.  And I’m glad you’re doing well.”

“Me too,” he sighed, finally releasing you from his tight grip.  You stood back a step, looking up into his watery eyes, knowing that your own were puffy and red.

“Maybe- maybe we can start hanging out again, just as friends, as actual friends, no kissing, no fucking, no touching,” you sighed, tilting your head.

“No touching at all?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

“Sannie, stop,” you laughed, knowing he was fucking with you.  “I mean it, I think it’s the only way we could see if there’s still something here, between us, something good.  Otherwise we’ll just be jumping each other’s bones every chance we get, like we used to.”

San chuckled in response but nodded too, his head dipping down a moment before he lifted it again.  “I think that’s a great idea, actually,” he sighed, smiling.  “I’m leaving for Korea for two weeks this Saturday, but I’m free tomorrow night, if you want to hang out.”

“I’m meeting my roommates for dinner, I’m sorry, I can’t,” you said, pouting your lips in disappointment. 

“That’s okay, I’ll see you when I get back.  I can text you once I’m here again,” he said, smiling softly.

“That sounds great.  Tell your family hi from me, and that I hope they’re all well,” you smiled back.

“Will do,” he replied, breathing deeply.  The air was silent again, and when you both looked over to the door you saw Antin walking towards you slowly.

“I just wanted to make sure you were still here!” Antin called, making San laugh.

“Sorry, we got to talking, what time is it?”

“Only 8:45, you’re good.  I’m gonna go back in and get another beer,” Antin said, now only feet away.

“Sounds good, I’ll be back in in a minute,” San replied.

“It was really nice to meet you by the way, I feel very honored that you performed that number,” Antin said to you.

“Oh I’m so glad you liked it.  It’s an honor to meet you too, I’ve heard so much about you.  I’m so happy to hear you’re living here again.  And San told me you’d like to get into acting, so I’ll make sure to ask around about it.  I’ll let you know if anyone expresses interest.”

“Oh my goodness, thank you so much!” Antin responded, face alight in excitement.  “It really would mean so much to me if you did that, that is very kind.”

“Of course, I know how intimidating it is to get into that world, but now that I’m in it I at least know some people.  I’m sure you’re extremely talented, from what San has said about you.  If I can get you an audition I know they’ll love you.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that,” he said, smiling wide and bowing slightly again.  The habit was dignified and completely adorable, and you wondered for a moment if he picked it up from San.

“Well I think it’s time I should head back in, are you going home now?” San asked.

“Yeah, once I grab my purse from upstairs.  I hope you both have a good rest of your night,” you said as the three of you began walking towards the front door, Antin holding it open for both of you.

“Thanks, you too.  I’ll text you,” San said as you started to part ways, you making your way towards the stairs as they walked in the direction of their table.

“Sounds good,” you called to him, the both of you locking eyes one final time before you disappeared upstairs, taking the back exit out and heading home to strip off the heavy makeup you’d worn tonight for the first time in months.

Though you were the one to suggest it, it was San who stuck more easily to your deal, never a hand on your back, a playful punch, never any form of physical contact between you.  There were no hugs or kisses goodbye when you hung out; of course there weren’t, not now when the two of you were so much smarter, so much wiser, knowing just how important it was to maintain this boundary until a day when you were sure it could be removed.

It was so strange, yet so easy, to be spending time with him again.  He was as gentlemanly as ever; holding doors, paying for your meals, he never once let you feel uncared for, but never let things pass over into sexual territory either, keeping this perfect balance of friendly romance alive.  You’d both agreed after one month that again, you weren’t just friends; whether or not you were sleeping together, this time spent was emotional, deep, a sort of bond between you that neither of you had with any other person.  The dinner dates, walking in the park, going to shows at local theaters together, they were the sweetest of times, a true reward for all of the hard work you’d put in.

Double dates with Tina and Maya became somewhat common too; they told him a month after they’d told you about their wedding plans, and the bright smile that broke across his face matched yours exactly, a beautiful sweet bond forming between San and Maya as the four of you adjusted to this new group dynamic.

That night as you sat foot to foot on his couch, you asked about his own thoughts on marriage; as per his request you hadn’t forced a rehashing of everything in one night, but rather sprinkled it over the weeks, letting the conversations flow in and out of seriousness, allowing the space for both of you to process new and old information alike. 

“I’m not so sure about it anymore,” he said, much to your shock.

“Please don’t tell me that I fucked up all of your trust and belief in romance,” you chuckled, but there was a part of you that genuinely worried it was true.

“No, no, don’t say that.  I obviously felt very different back then, I was just shocked that you had never spoken about it with your parents, I guess.  The moment I told my parents I had a girlfriend they immediately asked me if you were someone I thought I could marry.  It’s more common, I think, in Korea.  And I guess some families just don’t talk about those things.  I hadn’t really come face to face with that until I met yours,” he replied.

“Did it make you question your own assumptions?”

“It did.  I mean, that was the thing, I liked that our relationship back then was casual, in some ways.  I hated the idea of you with another guy, I wanted us to be monogamous, but there was something really relieving about not being your boyfriend, not having all the responsibility that comes with it.  I mean, I sort of fell in love with you and very quickly acted like a boyfriend, anyway.  But in those early days I kind of felt like I was tapping into some fuck-boy mindset, without sleeping with tons of girls.  I felt guilty about liking it, but I did like it, I had to admit.”

“But why did you feel like a fuck-boy if we were exclusive?”

“Baby, the way we fuck isn’t exactly romantic always,” he deadpanned, making you laugh into your hands and crumple into a ball, for some reason the words making you feel shy.  “Am I wrong?”

“No, you’re not wrong,” you snorted, biting your lip.

“I’d never done that with anyone else, all that stuff where you wanted me to be in control and dominate you and all that.”

“You’d never done it at all?”

“No.”

“But it came so naturally to you.”

“I know, and I felt kind of ashamed.”

“It isn’t a bad thing though, if it’s consensual.”

“I know that now, but I hadn’t really taken the time to think about it back then,” he sighed, hands stretched behind his head.  “And we never really talked about it enough.  If we ever have sex again we have to talk about it more, have to set better boundaries.  And I won’t fuck with those boundaries at all, I hope you see that I’ve stuck to your request this whole time, that I haven’t touched you once.  I take it very seriously, I never again want to do something to you that you haven’t asked for.”

You smiled at him, body wanting nothing more that to lurch forward and hold his broad shoulders in your hands.  “I really want to hug you right now,” you said, pouting.

“After I just talked about respecting these boundaries you’d put in place,” he laughed, shaking his head.  “Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure, just this once,” you said, sitting up and crawling towards him, plopping your body on top of his.  It was hard in this close proximity not to be affected; you could feel him harden beneath your thigh, but you did your best to ignore it, hugging him tight.  “Thank you for forgiving me, I truly don’t know what I did to deserve it, and I hope I can show you that I really am different than how I used to be,” you whispered in his ear.

“You already have, I can already see it in you,” he said, holding you tightly too.  “I’m very proud of you, I think you have to be really brave to go to therapy and face everything like you have.”

It was the last hug you would have for a little while, both of you determined to not cave to your physical desires, to push yourselves longer, to hold out.  There was magic happening in this time, in the conversations you were having and the laughter you shared, in all of the tears and emotion and remembrance, and as the weeks wore on your trust in yourself grew, seeing how different you were with him, how you listened, and understood, and loved.  Loving was an action, you understood that now; you were there for him, helped him as much as he helped you, brought him food and pain killers when he was sick, sat and watched Rocky Horror to distract him from his burning fever.

It was a complete shock to you to be back in his life, to have him back in yours, years later when everything had changed and life had started to feel so normal again.  For a time you felt like your months with him were a fever dream; still you couldn’t believe this perfect man, with perfect abs and perfect skin and a perfect job, could want you. 

“Don’t you realize, that’s exactly how I felt about you too?” San told you one day, laying flat on a blanket in the park while the cool fall breeze blew over you.

“What do you mean?” you asked back, bewildered.  “I don’t think that I’m ugly, but I am in no way as conventionally attractive as you.  Your muscular, handsome, rich, all the things that men want to be.”

“I’m not tall,” he said.

“I don’t think it really matters when you have a face like yours,” you laughed.

“But what I’m saying is, there are plenty of ways I’m not conventionally attractive, as you say.  There are things I’m insecure about.  I know that here people say I’m handsome, but In Korea it’s considered good to have a small face, and I don’t.  I was made fun of for it growing up, especially cause I was so scrawny.”

“That’s absurd, I can’t believe anyone would do that.”

“Well, kids, you know, they regurgitate things they’ve heard.  It doesn’t matter at the end of the day.  I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, and that doesn’t change if everyone agrees with me or not.  You are insanely talented, you are driven and hardworking, you are stunning and strong, and I couldn’t believe for a second that you were giving me a chance.  I thought I’d never see you again after those first few days we spent together.  I thought you’d be tired of my predictable sort of life, and that you’d want to date an artist like yourself.”

“I can’t believe you felt that way,” you sighed, finally lying down next to him too.  “Plus artists are a nightmare to date, did you know?”

Laughter filled the air between you as the sun began to set, the days getting shorter and colder, the outdoor weather finally getting close to pleasant again.

“I love you,” he said, closing his eyes and crossing his hands over his head, a picture of complete relaxation.

“I love you too, Sannie,” you replied, copying his movement, letting the breeze blow past and bring the pleasant scent of the coming evening storm over to you.  You laid side by side, not touching, not talking, just being until the rain started to fall, and as you ran to the train station with your blanket pulled over your heads, you felt about as free and happy as you ever had in your life.

next part ->

taglist: @pyeongstarr @hwaromi @hi00000234567 @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @starhwa1024

@completelyjae @midnightrebel1028 @pautiny27 @snapcracklen @randajjjad

I love y'all!! <333333333

[datapacks]

Hey! I really adore the way you draw textures, as they usually fit with the vanilla art style flawlessly, and wanted to ask for advice. I want to make addons/mods, and maybe a full texture pack someday, but my textures always end up looking kind of flat, lack depth, and look weird when next to vanilla stuff.

Thank you so much :3 as far as advice, I'm afraid I've been doing pixel art for ~15 years now so unfortunately a lot of it is just experience... I do have some tips though! but I am in no place to do a full tutorial at the moment.

Prerequisite: Use paint dot net. It's super beginner friendly, since it's based off of Paint, and it's what has been used for Minecraft textures since the very beginning.

First off, you want to have a block-out palette! For me, it's these 5 colours here:

From here, you'll want to go darkest to lightest; use the darkest tone to outline, then fill in with the 4th tone. Eventually, you'll want to make it so that there are 2-3 outline tones, from darkest to lightest, in accordance to however you're shading. Anything overlapping with the main shape should not use the darkest two tones!

Then you'll want to hit the bright spots not with your mid-tone or your highlight, but with your second lightest tone! This way, you leave room to highlight And shade your highlights. You've effectively made 5 different palettes to use to shade different parts (1-2, 1-2-3, 2-3-4, 3-4-5, 4-5). Whenever you feel like you're ready, switch out this palette for something more in line with what you're doing- depending on what material you're going for, this can happen super early on or way late. Whenever I do something Metallic, I like to switch to a gold palette as soon as possible.

Another thing to keep in mind is minecraft's palette limitations! Generally speaking, try to keep textures to 5-9 colours, filling in between as needed. If you use more base colours, feel free to expand, but do not go over 15 if you can help it. A good rule of thumb for adding additional colours is that you should try to limit them to 3 tones.

When choosing a palette, there's no problem with going with any pre-existing item's colours! In fact, this can be super helpful even when you want to use your own colours, just as a reference.

When you do want to make your own palette, my advice is to choose a strong colour, any hue, saturation in the 60-80 range, value in the 70-90 range. To get strong shading in your palette, drop the value by ~5, increase the saturation by ~5, and shift the hue towards blue by ~5. Do this each time from your base colour. Go in the opposite direction to Increase the perceived brightness. Here, I started with the 5th tone.

Obviously, you can tweak these to your liking; your outline colours should end up a lot darker than this generally speaking, and you might want to ramp all the way up to white for your highlights. You'll also generally want your outline colour to end up with like, max 30 Value & at Full Saturation, with your highlight colour at 100 Value & ~50 saturation if you aren't going for Full White. Lets see what that might look like after changing the most extreme values & then blending accordingly.

At the end of the day, my biggest tips are 1) to look at references constantly in both minecraft's existing sprites and other people's sprites! Take what you like, improve on it where you think it could use improvements. & 2) always zoom out! Even if a texture is perfect, if you've been staring at it too long so up close, it's going to feel weird. Minecraft's most common GUI scale is 2x, so scale the image on your screen somewhere where each pixel is exactly 2x2 and you'll get a good feel for how it'll actually look in-game.

One last tip on a more advanced level: if you're using multiple different base colours, always shift to grayscale very often. Your tones should look indistinguishable in grayscale so that you know that the shapes themselves are strong enough to warrant the multiple colours. This is also very good for accessibility!

[transhuman-priestess]

How I Scan Negatives

I've been doing film photography for 3 whole weeks so of course I am now an expert and you should toooooootally listen to me for my expert opinion on this matter.

But in seriousness, this post isn't meant to be a how-to guide, but if you can glean some useful information from it, that's really neat and I'm glad.

Part 1: The Scanner

There are a couple different ways to scan negatives. The simplest is known as camera scanning, and that just means you use some kind of backlight and take a close-up picture of a negative with a digital camera of some kind.

I've done a couple of scans like this but since it ideally relies on a macro lens, something which costs about $300 at a bare minimum, and more if you want one that's actually, yknow, good. Also, camera scanning inherently limits you to one picture at a time.

So my scanner is a flatbed Epson "Perfection" V600. I purchased this scanner because it is the least expensive flatbed scanner you can find that also does transparencies. It can scan 12 35mm negatives or two 6x9cm 120 negatives at a time. The Perfection V850 can do a full 36 exposure roll of 35mm but costs 4.33x as much.

So this thing is fine.

The first step is to cut my negatives up. This isn't as horrifying as it sounds. I have binder pages that hold 6 6-exposure strips, so a full roll of 35mm (which i will from here on out refer to with the slightly antiquated but slightly faster to type "135") takes up a single page.

Next, I mount them in the handy negative mounting frame that Epson provides, and put it in the scanner.

Now we can move on to the actual scanning.

Part 2: Scanning Software

This is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most irritating part of the whole ordeal. There's lots of decent scanning software out there, but there's fewer options for really good scanning software. Most of the "automatic" stuff sucks at being automatic so I end up doing most of it manually.

The scanner comes with the inventively named "Epson Scan," which is a very competent program if you want to scan and don't care about dust and scratches on your film. That is because I have yet to figure out what combination of options actually gets it to properly remove dust and scratches. This is mandatory, because I do not have $10,000 to spend on an industrial-grade negative pressure ventilation system for my bathroom/processing lab. Dust is avoidable, but ultimately inescapable.

The ins and outs of dust and scratch removal are interesting but not interesting enough for me to do a deep dive on them. The very short version is that the scanner scans every frame twice, once with visible light and once with infrared, and overlays the information from these to get rid of dust and scratches.

So instead of using the admittedly competent pack-in software, I opted to purchase SilverFast 9 SE. I paid $49 USD for this because I could not find a cracked version of the full-featured "HDR Suite" version and, frankly, i haven't missed the additional features.

SilverFast has a wizard option (Do they still call it that?) that walks you through the various steps of scanning. I haven't used it since my first roll.

The first step is to do a "pre-scan", which just scans the whole thing at a low resolution so you can pick the frames out of the lineup.

This is my screen at this point. The first step is to draw around the individual frames. This takes about 5-10 minutes depending on how anal i'm being about framing and overscan.

Now that i've let the computer pick the frames to save time for demonstration purposes manually picked my frames its time to boost the scan resolution from a postage-stamp 300 pixels per inch to an actually-usable 3200. You'll also note that i'm scanning these as "positives" rather than negatives. The "negative" scan option adds something called "Negafix" that i cannot turn off and that tries to color-correct for the negative stock's film base color. It is monumentally bad at this unless your stock is pre-loaded in its database which, as far as I can tell, hasn't been updated since 2005. We'll deal with that later though.

Now that we have the basic setting defined we go over to the "frame" menu seen above and copy these settings to all frames. I could set them manually, but copying settings over is the one thing this software is good at doing automatically. This may have something to do with the fact that it is essentially copy-and-paste, which you may recognize as a basic feature of every computer since 1987.

Occasionally, and unpredictably, the scanning software will turn on "Unsharp Masking." The wikipedia page on this option will explain it. I will not, because my contempt for the option rivals my contempt for the Republican Party, The Catholic Church, and Portland's insistence on driving 5 below the limit on the highway. I turn it off and if I could i would find whoever invented this option and eat their dog.

Once that is turned off we get to turn on the most beautiful option that SilverFast 9 SE has to offer, iSRD. iSRD is the previously-mentioned scratch-and-dust removal.

I have found that, in this one instance, the automatic settings are completely acceptable to me. They eliminate most of the really problematic dust in high-detail areas. The hairs and dust that gets left behind is usually easy to deal with via clone stamp later.

Now that the boring stuff is out of the way we get to the tedious, yet, to me at least, fun part. Histogram adjustment!

What you're seeing here is a histogram, its a graphical representation of the brightness of an image. Our goal with this is to maximize the dynamic range of the image. All that blank space to the right of the "mountains" (and some of the "lowlands" on the left) need to be eliminated so that the file can use as much of the bandwidth they have for actual useful image file stuff. This is pretty simple. We just slide those little arrows until they bound the mountains better.

Once we do this we can check the output histogram and see how it's mapped all the image data to the full bandwidth.

This has to be done individually per-frame, since each frame is slightly different.

Now that's done we can actually scan. I use the "Batch Scan" function, which scans everything one-after-the-other. I'm not going to show the dialog windows because 1.) its boring and 2.) I don't want to reconfigure the save path the way I did for the above images. It's a privacy thing.

After we've scanned everything its time to move on to...

Part 3: Color Grading

This is the part you've never heard about before. It's the most involved, and the most important, and it's worth getting into why.

Computers are amazing at storing information, at sorting information, at rearranging and processing information, but they are fundementally incapable of the most important part of dealing with information, assigning meaning.

I'm sure a lot of folks are going to be very very angry at me for saying that, but I actually don't care, and what's more, I'm confident the computer scientists I know will agree with me.

Film is better at storing images than computers. Period, this is a physical fact. The amount of dynamic range and resolution contained in film exceeds the ability of computers to contain it completely. So scanning is always going to be about compromises. You're trying to maximize the amount of useful information you can see by eliminating as much of the un-useful information as you can. But the computer doesn't actually know what is and isn't useful, so we have to tell it.

In order to do this, we use image editing software. I know a lot of photographers who swear by Photoshop, but fuck Adobe, and I know a lot of photographers who love GIMP, but GIMP's user interface is so convoluted as to be detrimental to my purposes. So I use Paint.NET, which is Windows-only, a fact which is sure to get me hate mail from several users including one of my best friends. (Sorry, Murder*.)

Here we have an unaltered** negative. There's a bit of overscan you can see on the left side of the image, and obviously its currently in portrait orientation. Before we go any further, I'm going to fix both of these things.

I like to crop my negatives in a 3:2 ratio. This is the natural aspect ratio of 135 film, and i like that similitude. Paint.NET lets me set a fixed aspect ratio for selections, which is nice

Now that the overscan has been cropped out and the picture is rotated properly, we can invert the image to a positive, and here is where it will become apparent to you exactly why color grading is important, and why there's no such thing as an "pure scan".

Wow! That's very...blue? Well, yes, it is. Color negative film mostly has an orange base. This helps compensate for shortcomings in the dyes used, and those shortcomings are why we have to color grade. The next step I take is to open the "levels" controls, where you'll see our old friend, the histogram!

This histogram looks different, but it's the same basic concept, with the difference that this program lets me adjust red, green, and blue individually. You'll also note that the individual RGB histograms broadly look similar, just out of sync. This is because of the orange base. They won't always look that similar, and in this case it's largely because the sky was overcast that day and there's a large amount of gray in the entire image.

We're going to adjust the input histogram first. Here, our goal is to map the maximum amount of dynamic range possible to the final image. Color balance is not yet important. So we slide the little arrows up and down from the top and bottom so that as much of them fill the output histogram as possible without clipping.

What is clipping? Clipping is when the black or white levels "blow out". Some clipping is acceptable in some images. A bright, sunny day will invariably have some clipping, and if you go out of your way to avoid it the image will look weird and flat. But in a picture like this where everything is muted and gray, we want to avoid it.

Clipping, by the way, looks like this, and is why i don't let the computer automatically adjust the level balance. Some people like this look with the deep black shadows, I do not.

But, onto doing it the Proper*** way

You can see the image is looking a lot better, but it still has a notably off color cast to the image. Its kind of green. Now we can move on to adjusting the output histogram. There's two ways to deal with this. We can adjust the input red, but this will result in highlight clipping. I actually don't mind highlight clipping as much, and in this case we have several red lights in the image both on the BMW and the crossing gate, so we're going to adjust that input histogram.

Truthfully, I should have thought of this before picking this image to do a demonstration on, but at this point its too late to turn back, and like I keep saying, this isn't a "how-to" guide.

So we still have a bit of a color cast, but its (mostly) in the midtones. Now it's time to bring out our secret weapon: gray balance, also known as neutral point or gray point.

That middle slider can be adjusted for red, green, and blue independently, and that's exactly what we're going to do.

This looks, for the most part, very good. I'll probably go back and tweak the gray points in the red and green a bit more, and i often go through these steps 2-3 times, repeating with finer adjustments before finally confirming the changes.

Truthfully, I don't remember if the BMW was pure white or eggshell white, so i'm going to err on the side of "eggshell" because the rest of the image looks weirder if i adjust for that white to be "pure".

And now, Voila! A fully color-graded image.

Does it look exactly like it did IRL? No, not quite, but again, scanning is all about compromise. I'm sure someone with more experience could do a better job than me, but the point here isn't to show you how to make things perfect, it's to show how I, Ivy Michaels do this.

If you made it through this far, congratulations! I love you! I hope you found this interesting. Thanks for reading <3

*Murder is e's actual name.

** i have censored the license plate of the 25-year-old BMW in my shot out of privacy concerns. It is not my car, and i do not know the owner. The negative has not been cropped, rotated, inverted, or graded in any way. Only the license plate has been removed by select-and-stretch. *** Despite my repeated slides into "we/us" language, this is not a how-to and is not intended to be a statement of objective correctness. It is "correct" in the sense of "correct to my personal workflow"

[facts-i-just-made-up]

Know any gaming myths to debunk?

Gaming myths have been around as long as games, from the earliest Sumerian board games to the latest video game for your brand new Nintendo 64. Here are a few popular myths over the years to debunk:

The Royal Game of Ur: According to the weekly cuneiform tablet of Lord Kotaqu VI, the Royal Game of Ur held a secret block that could be accessed by moving a stone left, right, left, and right and up and down several times. This was simply untrue and Kotaqu was executed for his charlatan magic.

Chess: Several early critics of the game of Chess claimed that the game's battlefield strategy emulation inspired violence, despite many studies showing that Chess players like Gandhi were no more likely to go to war than non-Chess players such as Napoleon, except in certain Sid Meier simulations.

Texas Hold-'Em Poker: Many poker players were prone to cheating, especially in the old west. There are claims that card manufacturers such as Bicycle and Hoyle began to include serial numbers and codes, such as letter "L" on the lower left corner of a card so that nobody could claim a 9 was a 6, and so on. Though this has never been proven, many still claim that the L is real.

Pong: In the 1970s, games went electronic and many myths developed about this strange new form of play. The first game, "Pong," was much like table tennis, and some players claimed that one could, with proper timing, pick up the "ball" pixel and throw it on the "roof" of the video screen. This was proven untrue as more people learned how computers worked.

Tomb Raider: As more teenagers played video games, playground rumors such as a "Nude Code" to show the game protagonist naked became popular. Though there is no nude code in Tomb Raider, there is one in Kirby's Dream Land, in which Kirby can appear nude but for shoes by starting the game in normal mode.

Dark Souls: With the complexity of the world of Dark Souls, many rumors and myths were spawned, such as the ability to fast-travel early, a hidden map behind an old fog gate, and even the ability to enter other games by switching discs during a load screen. This last bit was only true in one case, where replacing the game disc with Postal 3 would improve the quality of the Postal game by making it crash irrecoverably.

Super Mario Bros. Wonder: The newest Mario game's "Wonder" mechanics are strange and diverse, leading to many rumors about weird tricks they can result in. While the normal game can turn Mario into a sticky blob, make inanimate pipes crawl like inchworms, or illuminate previously invisible walkways, claims of Wonder effects that make the console explode, save money on your car's extended warranty, or even let you see real people's names and how many days they have left to live have mostly proven false. One Wonder effect that did prove real was a 79 step ladder that lets Mario climb into a developer room. The room didn't have all that much in it, but also, it's everything.

[kangaracha]

QUEENMAKER | CHAPTER 9

---

pairing chan x reader

genre ninth member au, enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, coming of age, social media, cancel culture, anxiety, depression, forbidden love,

summary To JYPE, the solution is simple; take the sole trainee that will not debut with your brand new girl group, and use her to replace the missing vocalist in your male group that insisted on starting as nine.

Unfortunately, to the fans and the members themselves, it isn't that simple.

status ongoing

taglist OPEN

a/n i send in a job application, you get a new chapter. the world continues to go round. (i also got two skz albums for writing my application, and a bonus chan card for walking up to the counter with $150 worth of skz merch in my arms (she was like damn i wonder what group this girl likes the most what a mystery))

previous | masterlist | next

---

At some point in the last two months, you'd become more used to the presence of eight boys than you'd realised.

The thought only makes the quiet air of the studio all the more oppressive as you sit on the floor, legs stretched out before you as you wait for the livestream to load. You'd spent plenty of time in here alone since joining their group, but not as much as you have in the past week, with the boys gone from the moment they woke up to the late hours of the night on schedules and promotions. It was strange to be here for twelve hours or more and not hear a single voice coming through the door, to wander up to the cafeteria for lunch and not see them, or Minseo, or even the other trainees you'd worked with for so many years, your personal rhythms no longer lining up with the regimen of classes and mealtimes and monthly evaluations, which you know are drawing close without even having to check.

Even your home is lonely, the empty rooms echoing with no voice to respond to you. You haven't had your own room since you left Australia all of six years ago. You've never had your own apartment. You're not sure you know what to do with it anymore.

The livestream erupts in a burst of noise and colourful pixels, clarifying slowly into a picture of a stage. You've missed most of the opening performances, not watching the time as you practised. You've seen them all three times this week already; you'll probably see them all again next week as well. And if you said that watching the rookie groups in the earlier stages of the show didn't make you a little bit jealous, you'd be lying, especially this of all weeks.

(If you said that watching the boys perform God's Menu didn't make you a little bit jealous, you'd be lying too, but you won't allow that thought to cross your mind.)

As if summoned by the thought of them, they flash up on the screen, one at a time, and then as a group as the stage begins; senior idols, playing top billing on a weekly show watched by millions, a position you have no business being in. And yet here you are, sitting in their studio and watching their shows and thinking that it should have been you and you've been cheated again.

A shiver that has nothing to do with the music or the sweat that clings to your skin runs down your spine. Were you just being conceited about this whole debut thing; signing this contract to join a senior group, watching other debut groups like you had the right to be out there with them, occupying this private dance studio as if it is your own space, as if you'd earned the right fair and square to leave the darker, shared spaces of the fourth floor rooms, where all the other trainees ground away at their skills with only hope in their future. 

Weren't three missed debuts just three signs that you'd ignored that maybe this wasn't the life promised to you?

Your phone vibrates, a text notification from Minseo covering Felix's face. Your thumb hovers over it, the desire to ask where she is and what she's doing tugging at your breastbone. You let it slide away though; she's been at different schedules all day too, if she is even home yet, and night is drawing on quickly. You're exhausted anyway; you'd probably fall asleep in the first five minutes of a movie, or even midway through a bowl of icecream.

You need to keep practising anyway. That was the key to this debut you'd stolen off of fate; every minute of every day spent in this studio, until you made it or they dropped you. You already know how it feels to look back and see an hour or a day that could have been spent getting better, and you'd hated it; this time, even if you never debuted, no one would say that you didn't try. No one would call you lazy.

(But the wrong look was what they had said, not lazy. Just not pretty enough, just the wrong face in the wrong lineup in front of the wrong man. It was one thing to fail out of merit; it was another to fail because of the way you were born.)

TAGLIST

@kokinu09 @rainfallingfromthesky @lixie-phoria @mysweethannie @chlodavids @hanniemylovelyquokka @tfshouldidohere @lauraliisa @puppysmileseungmin @kalopsian-thoughts @puppy-minnie @readerofallthingss @dvbkie099 @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @acker-night @d-chagi @lynlyndoll @borahae-reads @ihrtlix @yienmarkk @minhwa @i2innie @jinnie-ret @conwunder @amesification @starssongs98 @weirdhumanbeinglol @morinuu @the-weird-mold-in-the-sink @bokkiesplace @amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @skzstaykatsy @blackhairandbangs @jungkookies1002 @hyuuukais @imsiriuslyreal @thatonedemigodfromseoul @gini143 @mercurywritesstuff @splat00z @filmbypsh @palindrome969 @crabrangoongirl25 @enzos-shit

[bits-and-babs]

✦ 𝐇𝐄𝐗 𝐂𝐎𝐃𝐄 ✦

– KINKTOBER DAY 9: WITCH!READER

din djarin x nightsister!reader | smut, 18+ | 1k words

summary: given the task to hunt down an enchantress renowned for her deviancy, din fails to understand just how hard this mission will be to complete.

cw: f!nightsister!reader. dub-con - seduction through enchantment. orgasm denial, threat of cumming untouched, fully clothed, grinding. very similar to something i've already written, but fancied revisiting it - still just as difficult the second time around!!

⇽ KINKTOBER MLIST | DAY 10: CHEATING ⇾

The coordinates handed to Din in the bounty puck Greef Karga had practically thrust into his palm like it carried a bad disease were cursed. The digits and numbers scrawled in blood red pixels across the screen of the Crest when he’d loaded the blasted things might as well have spelt out ❝ ur bantha fodder ❞.

In any other mission upon any other planet, the whole debacle might just have pulled a twitch of a smile behind the Beskar mask. But the crimson of the coordinate pixels are a dead ringer for the ruddy scarlet of your irises, and suddenly Din was struggling to find the humour in this lethal situation he’d miraculously and carelessly found himself in. 

Instead, Din watches a sinister smirk creep across your face, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. Dire straits were never straighter than a Zabraki Night Sister on her home planet of Dathomir. 

“I cannot claim to have seen your kind here before,” your velvety voice trickles down Din’s spine. Admittedly, there's an inexplicable agitation dancing in his fingertips, suddenly unsure to the extent just how precarious this fragile stand-off was. Clenching his fists, he steels himself against your probing gaze and reminds himself of the Nightsister’s proximity to the force, and their ability to wield it. 

“I–”

“I know,” you muse, approaching Din with balanced, measured steps. “A member of the Bounty Hunter Guild. You don’t have to state your business.” 

Din’s teeth ache under the pressure with which he grinds his jaw. An impossible foe, he should have considered the risks before arriving on Dathomir. A Nightsister was the last target he could improvise his battle strategy for… 

“I do appreciate your desperation,” you hum softly, practically stalking around Din and tracing the silver surface of his Beskar armour with the tip of your index finger, “I am sure that the occupation allowed for frequent travelling. In turn, it protects the child.” 

A purge bomb could drop in utter silence and Din was almost certain he’d miss it, a rush of blood roaring in his ears as his heart rate lept. Your eyes find his own through the visor of his helmet with unsettling ease, given it obscured his face. 

The moment Din comes to realise he was truly outmatched, he finds himself unable to retreat.

“Hm,” you smile again, a glint of something cunning gleaming in your eyes as you watch him struggle, “I wouldn’t bother, Mandalorian.” 

A grumble of indignation twists violently on Din’s tongue, curdling into a gasp of pleasure. It’s barely there, almost silent, but the victory that dances in the voids of your eyes tells Din you heard it. 

“I must confess,” you murmur, watching as Din starts to feel his knees beginning to buckle at the pleasure that was bubbling beneath his skin, “I enjoy your vulnerability. I never imagined a man as imposing as yourself would be so easy to make mewl.”

If not for the phantom palm applying pressure to his cock, Din would have snapped back with some snarky comment. Instead, he feels entirely tongue tied, eyes rolling back as bliss almost split him down the middle.

“Though it leaves me little fun,” you admit solemnly, your eyes not quite matching your dispirited timbre, “I need to establish a new objective. Perhaps steaming up that visor of yours?” 

Finally buckling beneath the weight of the armour and his shuddering body, Din’s knees hit the dusty, red Dathomirian ground. He groans softly, cock straining in his pants as he watches you lean over him, studying every twitch and writhe of his arousal-riddled body. You seemed to appreciate the pathetic whine that builds in the back of his throat as he rocks his hips forwards, grinding his crotch into the seam of his trousers for some friction, anything to ease the agonising throb. 

“I usually make intruders suffer– though it’s customary to torture them with pain, I find pleasure makes a person far more malleable,” Din hears you address him with such ease, as though you hadn’t reduced him to a blubbering, trembling wreck with the mere thought of doing so. “This… Greef Karga. He’s aware of the bounty you seek, correct?”

“Ohh–” Din breathes and it’s pathetic. Almost like a wail, the sound travels across the open, rocky Dathomirian plains. You raise an eyebrow, prompting Din to speak– and it’s though the words fall from his loose tongue before he can trap them behind his lips. 

“Yes– He-fuck-he knows it’s y-you–,” the sound startles Din. His voice sounds unlike himself, breathy and gritty and desperate to cum- stars, he’s so desperate to cum!

He tries to stretch his thighs open wider, praying it will alleviate some of the building pressure, but his pelvis seems to have a mind of its own and starts to grind against the inseam of his flight-suit trousers that lays flat against his cock. The friction causes a gut-wrenching groan to rumble in his chest.

“Karga. I don’t suppose he sent you because he was too fearful to face me himself? Tell me, what was I deemed a fugitive for?” You muse, circling Din’s writhing body and prattling off a long list of potential reasons for the sextuple digit bounty hanging above your head. “There was the jedi I killed, that sith who inquired about my services– to which I didn’t realise I was aiding and abetting Emperor Palpatine, for your informati–”

“The assassin, Ventress–” Din grit out behind his teeth, cock pulsing in his trousers and threatening to empty his seed like a teenager. “He’s looking for her.”

He watches you pause, chest heaving while observing the surprise at this revelation. Three months ago, the guild had issued the ‘hit’. The bounty was for information instead of your head delivered to Greef Karga in a basket. None of them had ever been stupid enough to believe themselves strong enough to take on a Nightsister. 

“Now,” you grin, crouching to face Din eye-to-eye. There’s that gleam again, the teasing look in your ruby irises sparking arousal down his nerve endings with another strained moan. The building pressure, threatening to spill over and causing Din to vibrate with need cut out almost instantly, the teetering orgasm dying away with the sudden slump of his exhausted body. 

“Why didn’t you inquire about Ventress in the first place?” You hum gleefully, amused by the orgasm denial and relishing in having such a strong man beneath your feet, much to Din’s utter embarrassment. “It would have saved you a very steamy visor.”

pedro pascal/kinktober taglist:

@xwing-baby , @mybugboy , @pansa-1-san , @pedrosprincess , @cosm1c-babe , @lil-stark , @heart-atttack @crybaby-blue-blog, @ssimelttilgniht @2pacacabra @pauldanosgf @leithatnight @kirsteng42 @dindjarinsmut @s0ftgabby @milly-louise @aynsleywalker @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @uncassettodiricordi @howellatme @mortallyuniquepeach @maviee @eatingtheworldsoffanfiction @stvrlights-world @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @girlofchaos @s-u-t @pintsizedsunshine @djarin-dreams @solidly-indulgent @bii-aan-ckaa @casa-boiardi @maelstrom007 @nikisfwn @levi-llama @haunt3dh3art @lundenloves @rentaldarling @cyberpr1m3 @jedi-in-crocs @yunggoblin @spideyman-peter @iaur @cool-iguana @paleidiot

@bloodmoon-bites @wiltedwonderland @doggydale @limegreenbabx @namelesshumanperson @ninahhh-brahh @km-ffluv @decaffeinateddinosauronearth @domaniquessidehoe2 @arrozyfrijoles23 @amisouki @sleepysheepsstuff @chunguk @lundenloves @marylovesdilfs @ninahhh-brahh @namelesshumanperson @limegreenbabx @doggydale @wiltedwonderland @justsayk