#piece from a few months ago i never posted | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

highvern · 2 months ago

Text

Home for the Holidays

Pairing: Jung Wooyoung x fem!reader

Genre: mature, romance, smut, angst, exes to lovers, Christmas!AU, fake dating

Warnings: Drug use (weed), alcohol, mentions of aging family members, unhealthy family dynamics, mentions of illness (reader is a doctor), cursing, dry-humping/grinding, kissing, oral (f. receiving), masturbation, unprotected sex, angst, poor self-esteem/self-doubt, pining, some threats of bodily harm, mentions of pregnancy

Length: ~27k

Note: this is a rewrite of this fic i posted for christmas last year. switched some things, updated my writing style and added some scenes. thank u @haologram for suffering through beta reading this. dedicated to my dearest @miniseokminnies

Summary: Wooyoung broke up with you months ago. In his own shame and embarrassment, he's never told his family. Now they're expecting you for Christmas, just like they have for the past 8 years. So he does the only thing he can think of: beg you to pretend you're still dating.

m.list

This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked.

June

“So I have some news. I know it hasn’t been easy for us going back—”

“I think we should break up.”

“...and forth so much but—What?”

“I don’t think it's working out between us.”

Your mouth falls open, lips attempting to form words that don’t manage to make a sound. Eyes shifting around the room, the sheen of tears thickening as a few beads trail down your cheeks as you stand shakily; managing only a few steps away from the table before a choked sob wiggles free from an iron grip. People are staring as you nearly run out to the door. You don’t care. You’re already outside and turning the block, completely unaware that several whip around to look at the man left at the table.

Wooyoung doesn’t chase you down. Doesn’t call or text as you walk the twenty blocks to Lisa’s apartment in the thick humidity of the city night; snot and tears trailing down your face.

Wooyoung doesn’t say anything at all as eight years shatter to pieces in a matter of seconds.

December

…twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight.

Wooyoung staples the finished packets together, ears tickled by jazzy Christmas music leaking from his computer speakers in the corner of his L-shaped desk. Surrounded by colorful brick walls of a midtown elementary school isn’t where most people his age would find themselves on a Friday evening but where else would he go?

His roommates have their partners over, he’d rather avoid the frigid dampness of the park he usually smokes at, and Wooyoung isn’t interested in the crowds clogging anywhere else he’d think to visit. The usual comforting bustle of the city only serves to set him on edge, making him desperate for a true solitude he really craves. Getting ahead on his classroom prep for the remainder of the semester seemed like the perfect, albeit a depressing way, to spend the evening. The dulcet tones of Dean Martin are joined by an incoming call buzzing his phone across the wooden top of the desk. A familiar picture of his mom and him as a baby flashing across the screen before he answers.

“Hi sweetie,” his mom yells on the other line. Wooyoung can tell she’s driving home from work based on the poor audio quality.

“Hey mom,” he wedges the device between his shoulder and cheek, using his hands to continue organizing the worksheets for Monday, paper warm in his palms from the printer.

“I’m just calling to make sure you and Y/N are still coming for Christmas. I know the hospital is usually crazy this time of year, so I thought I’d double check.”

“Actually mom—”

“Bibi keeps talking about wanting everyone home for Christmas but if Y/N can’t make it she’ll understand. She’s always been her favorite,” she laughs.

Wooyoung’s grandmother is impolitely frank about her age and never hesitates to use it to her own advantage. How does he tell her that his girlfriend, who she liked more than her own grandsons some days, is no longer his girlfriend? And how he is the only one to be blamed for that. He might as well start digging his own grave.

“We’ll be there,” Wooyoung blabs before he can stop himself.

“Wonderful! I’m pulling into the driveway so I’ll talk to you later. Love you!”

“Love you too.”

Fortunately, on a cold winter night like tonight, the only other soul in the building is Mr. Rollins, a janitor with headphones permanently attached to his ears. The colorful combination of expletives pouring from Wooyoung’s mouth would make a sailor blush.

Typing in a familiar name to his message bar, Wooyoung realizes he hasn’t changed it in all this time; the string of emojis from the first night he got your number glaring back at him in mockery. A sting of bile blisters the back of Wooyoung’s throat as he steads himself for what he’s about to do. Who he is about to ask for the biggest mercy; one he didn’t deserve in the slightest.

Wooyoung: Can I call you?

Wooyoung inhales before hitting “send,” locking his phone and tossing it down like it’s possessed. Barely a full minute passes before it vibrates with your response.

Y/N🥰🍯💖: are you okay?

He can’t even type a reply before the buzz buzz buzz on an incoming call tickles against his palm.

Tapping into the false chipper personality he reserves for strangers and his class, Wooyoung answers with a simple. “Hey!”

“Hi,” you deadpan. “What do you want, Wooyoung?”

“How have you been?”

“I’m fine. But you aren’t calling to ask me that.”

Wooyoung wants to object but you’re right. “I’m not but I still care.”

“Sure.”

“Okay, so my mom called and asked if you were coming over for Christmas.”

“Why?” you drawl.

“Because I haven’t told them we broke up.”

A rush of clattering sounds from your end along with a few curse words sounding far away before you continue. “Are you fucking kidding me? It’s been six months!”

“I know! But I’ve been busy and there was never a good time and it’s just kinda snowballed.”

“Well, tell her now,” you insist.

“I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“Bibi keeps talking about how she wants everyone how for one last Christmas and with Kyungmin going to colle—”

He can hear your eye roll. “Please tell me you’re not suggesting what I think you are.”

“You know I wouldn’t ask unless I was desperate.”

“I thought us breaking up meant I didn’t have to deal with your bullshit anymore.”

“I can tell them you’re busy and the hospital is keeping you or—”

“No.” Wooyoung can picture the hand scrubbing down your face, fingers massaging your temples the same way you always did when his shenanigans stirred up trouble. “I’ll do it.”

Now he’s the one to pause. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’d be nice to see them all one last time.”

He can’t believe you answered his call, let alone agreed to this stupid plan. But he completely can because now matter what happens, you’re a better person than he’ll ever deserve. “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.”

“I actually need to get back to doing that so—”

“Yeah, I’ll, ugh, talk to you later. Bye.” Wooyoung bites his tongue to stop the habitual I love you from slipping in.

“Bye.”

As the line clicks and Wooyoung is left alone in his classroom, the space abruptly feels too big. With each minute ticking by, he convinces himself he hallucinated the entire exchange because there is no possible way his ex-girlfriend agreed to this ill-thought plan. Everything feels too normal for you to extend such undue kindness his way, especially after how he ruined their relationship in a moment of insecurity.

Wooyoung: My flight out is 12/21

Wooyoung: You don’t have to come that early

Y/N🥰🍯💖: im off starting the 19th

Wooyoung: I’ll pay for your flight

Y/N🥰🍯💖: great. ill venmo you

Wooyoung: Cool, send me the details

There’s a weight on Wooyoung’s tongue at the new dynamic settling between you. Eight years of dating but now you’re a stranger, the last text messages arranging for Lisa to pick up a box of your stuff from his apartment.

Six months and he didn’t know if you kept your hair the same way or what new book you were obsessing over in the sparse free time from the hospital; if your neighbor in Boston’s yappy geriatric dog finally kicked the bucket.

Lovers. Almost fiancées. And now strangers.

Wooyoung wakes up to the early morning bustle of the busy streets just outside his window. His phone clock reads thirty minutes past his normal alarm which means he’s late. And that means his boss is going to tear his ass a new one.

In a whirl, Wooyoung rushes to the bathroom. He wets his hands with the freezing tap water, patting his face and attempting to style his bed ridden hair. The door shifts to catch his foot as he exits, stubbing his toe and forcing him to hop down the hallway to his room. Wrinkled khakis and a sweater are all Wooyoung manages before he throws on his parka and is out the door. He sprints to the subway, just in time to see the doors closing on his train.

“Fuck me!”

“Too young for me buddy,” croaks the homeless man splayed on the bench in the middle of the platform.

Ignoring him, Wooyoug paces further down the station, anger filling him with restless energy. Glancing at his phone, he shoots an email to his principal that he’ll be late due to “train delays.” Thank god for the MTA being a regular piece of shit. Finally checking the stream of missed notifications during the night, he uses the lull to answer them.

Mom: Does y/n still like those chips we bought last time? I’m at the store getting a few things

Wooyoung: She said she’s happy with whatever you get!

Not a lie since you would be happy to have snacks of any kind.

SANNIE⛰️: YOU DIDN’T TELL YOUR PARENTS?

SANNIE⛰️: U R SO FUCKED

At least he can always count on San to state the obvious.

Y/N🥰🍯💖: here’s my ticket

Wooyoung does a double take when he sees you’re flying out of New York, not Boston. Why aren’t you flying out of Boston? There’s no way it’s cheaper than flying out of Boston and you wouldn’t go through the trouble of getting down here unless there was a good reason.

Wooyoung: Why are you flying out of LGA?

Y/N🥰🍯💖: Because I live here?

A lump of lead hardens in his stomach. You live here, in New York. You’d been in the city and he didn’t even notice. Questions race forward. How long? Where were you working? What neighborhood did you live in? Why didn’t he know you moved back?

The last question is more his own fault than he cares to admit.

Wooyoung: since when?

He doesn’t expect a response right away. It wasn’t the first time his messages went hours before being answered. You’re a doctor, and before that a med student, and before that pre-med when he met you at some dive bar and realized you shared a behavioral psych class. You always maintained a full schedule, only responding to the outside world when the night bled into the early hours of the day. Wooyoung would probably get an answer in the next few days but he needs to know right now.

Wooyoung: Did you know Y/N moved here?

Yeosang: Yes.

Well, fuck.

Wooyoung: You didn’t think to tell me?

Yeosang: You broke up.

Yeosang: ?

Even his roommate knew you moved back to the city.

Double fuck.

His train arrives without preamble, brakes screeching as it slows to a stop. Wooyoung crowds into the compartment, happy for it to be relatively empty. Finding a spot on the wall, he zones out of the chaos for the next twenty minutes. A group of highschoolers laugh obnoxiously in the corner, snatching one another’s phones as they share god knows what between them. A young mom tries to placate her crying baby, the older man next to her rolling his eyes as he devours his morning paper. When the doors open at his stop, Wooyoung pauses for a second as an elderly woman enters the train. Catching her eye, he offers her his seat; only standing when she’s close enough so no one else tries to take it from her.

Wooyoung slithers out of the closing doors and bolts out of the station as fast as he can.

Panting and sweating under his black parka, Wooyoung arrives outside the red doors of the elementary school he teaches at. Principal Martinez is tapping his foot at the top of the steps, arms crossed in front of his chest, scowl etched deep on his face. “This is the third time this month.”

“I know, I’m sorry! But the train got delayed with repairs or something and—”

“Save it. You have a class to get to.”

Breezing past, Wooyoung’s boots clack against the linoleum tile as he careens towards his classroom. The rowdy cacophony of third grade voices echo beyond the doorway, only increasing in volume as he peeks his head in.

A dozen shrill voices scream something along the lines of “Mr. Jung you’re late!”

“You’re all just early!” Wooyoung goads back, sending a thankful look at the teacher who stepped in to watch them until he arrived.

The room descends into giggles, students finding their places as he settles at his own desk.

“So today, we’re starting with circle time!”

“Let me get this straight: your ex asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend and now you’re spending Christmas with his family across the country?”

Sparing a glance from the manilla folder containing notes on your next patient, Hongjoong eyes you skeptically. The ridiculousness of the situation isn’t lost on you. You’d nearly convinced yourself the entire exchange Friday night was some cruel dream if not for the string of text messages proving it’d been real. Wooyoung’s first real attempt to speak with you post-breakup, and he asks you to pretend he didn’t break your heart six months ago.

“That’s about as straight as it gets.”

Hongjoong’s eyebrows furrow, “And you said yes, why?”

“Because…”

You missed him? Because you still loved him? Because when you saw his message you thought he was finally ready to admit it'd all been a mistake?

Because Wooyoung always convinced you to go along with whatever he asked.

“I really like his family.”

“Oh, sweet child,” he tsks, leafing through his own case file.

“Look, it’ll be nice to see them one last time and I’d rather spend the holidays with them than cramped in my apartment to avoid the tourists.”

“Are you sure that’s the only reason why?”

“Yep.”

“This can’t go wrong at all!”

“Shut up,” you say before dipping into the exam room, shifting your face into an enthusiastic smile. “How are we today, Mrs. Haspin?”

“We’re doing okay. Harper hasn’t been liking the new medicine you prescribed.”

“She hasn’t?” You gasp sarcastically, staring wide eyed at the tiny brunette with braided pigtails sitting on the exam room bed.

“They’re gross!” Harper cries with all the sincerity a four year old can muster, her tiny hands wrinkling the paper as she slaps the bed indignantly.

“Well that’s no good. I’ll make sure to check if they have other flavors.” You type a few notes in her electronic chart as you turn over your shoulder. “Mom, have you noticed a difference?”

“She’s not having as many coughing fits.”

“That is very good.” You curl your stethoscope in your palm, attempting to warm the cool metal. “Can I listen to your lungs, Harper?”

She shakes her head up and down vigorously, the pink and gold beads at the end of her pigtails clacking together.

“Alright, take a deep breath in.” The woosh of air entering her lungs fills the room. “And out. In. And out.”

You prompt her to continue several times, gliding the chest piece along various parts of her back as you listen intently. A few crackles pop in your ears, mucus coating her airways; only made worse by the dry winter of the city.

“Very good, Harper,” you praise before turning to her mom waiting anxiously in the corner. “With the winter make sure you’re using the humidifier as much as possible but her lungs sound better than last time so I’d like to stay on the meds.” You swivel back to your patient. “I’ll check with the pharmacy if they can do something about the flavor. Okay?”

Harper beams, glad to be heard. Her mother beams for an entirely different reason. Her daughter struggled with respiratory issues since she’d been born and as she aged they’d only gotten worse. Harper was the first patient you took when you started two months ago and in that time you’ve grown fond of her.

“All right, I’ll walk you all to the front. I think we can push out our next visit until six weeks since she’s been doing so well. If anything comes up, please don’t hesitate to call us.”

Handing them off to the receptionist to schedule their next appointment, you return to your office for a quick lunch.

Y/N: Because I live here

Youngie 🖤: since when?

How do you tell him that you’ve lived here since the day he broke up with you? How that night at dinner you were planning to surprise him by moving back to New York and removing the distance that plagued your relationship for three years?

The benefit of no longer being in a relationship means you don’t have to explain anything.

Locking your phone, you scarf down the squashed sandwich you brought from home before rushing to your next patient.

Another week passes before Wooyoung reaches out to you again. You’re set to leave in a few days but work requires all the energy you can manage thanks to a volatile respiratory season.

Youngie 🖤: Our flights are around the same time. Do you split a cab?

You spoke with Yeosang frequently enough (once in a blue moon) to know they still lived in the dingy old walk up they could hardly afford downtown. The high rise you rented further up Manhattan would be on his way to the airport but did you want to see Wooyoung sooner than needed?

Misery still festered in your veins since the break up. Eight years you’d dated; through senior year of undergrad, four years of medical school, and just shy of three years of residency. And the asshole couldn’t give you a single reason for your break up. No warning. No fighting. The same bouquet of delicate pink tulips waiting in hand for you as you arrived at the train station for your last visit to the city before relocating permanently. Yeosang texted you that very afternoon about his excitement to have you back as if nothing was wrong.

A beautiful afternoon holed up in his room for a late nap before dinner, apartment silent in the absence of his three roommates who’d usually greet you enthusiastically as you returned to the city for a visit. Wooyoung hadn’t acted any differently than the other times you visited, seemingly unaware of the surprise you planned to unveil at the fancy dinner he planned to congratulate you on finishing your long years of training.

But then he sat down and said the six words that replayed in your mind like a curse.

And that was the last time you heard his voice until Friday night; as if Wooyoung dove off the face of the earth. The only proof of living were the traces of him in his friends’ Instagram stories or faceless photos of him in their posts.

You were never one to post much on social media anyway but his shock at your move back to the city fanned a sick sense of satisfaction. As if to say “two can play at that game.” Wooyoung cut you out and you’d done the same. Keeping your move under lock and key despite sharing the same friend group.

Y/N: no thanks

You’re toeing the line of rudeness but what’s Wooyoung going to do? Break up with you again?

Terminal C of LaGuardia Airport four days before Christmas ranks among the top destinations no one in their right mind would want to be. Parents attempting to keep track of hyper children, businessmen scowling down their nose as they scream into their cellphones, adults slamming down overpriced drinks in preparation for the endless questions holidays bring.

“Bringing home anyone special?”

“When are you going to get married?”

“Grandchildren?”

The last is Wooyoung’s grandmother’s new favorite. Myungho faces the brunt of it; married three years and in no rush to add another mouth to feed just yet. Back in April, when you and Wooyoung visited for her birthday Bibi decided to skip asking when you two would tie the knot and go straight to procreation.

How fun it’ll be to answer those questions again with his temporarily not ex-girlfriend.

The line for security is long and laborious. One agent yells at him for keeping his shoes on, another rolls her eyes when he asks if his laptop needs to come out of his backpack. In front of him, a frail looking elderly woman struggles with placing the hard plastic bin on the rolling conveyor belt. Behind, grumbles of discontent regarding her holding up the line rise in volume as Wooyoung helps her with her things; sending a smile to her thank you.

And because no good deed goes unpunished, Wooyoung gets pulled for an extra search once he passes the large metal detector.

A burly pale skinned man with blue nitrile gloves sorts through his belongings with the gentleness of a bull in a china shop. Wooyoung’s wrecked and dusty backpack passes inspection easily enough but the contents of his carry-on end up spread across the shiny metal table for further examination under the sterile lights. Gifts for his family, some books he’s teaching next semester, and a navy velvet box he hasn’t left the city without in the past year.

That is apparently the source of interest for TSA as the man pops open the lid to scan the marquis cut diamond ring before putting it back in its place. “Congrats, man.”

Wooyoung gives a tight smile. “Thanks.”

Nodding his head to his colleague, the TSA agent steps away and allows Wooyoung to pack his bags.

He really needs a drink.

“I’m sorry ma’am, the flight is overbooked. But there is room on the next flight to Denver!”

“No charge?”

The flight attendant keeps her best customer service voice but something dies behind her eyes. “Not unless you would like to upgrade to business class.”

You have the money and Wooyoung paid for your seat so it’s technically cheaper than it’d usually be. However, you know Wooyoung would take it personally if he found out you sat in business when he paid for a last minute economy flight on a teacher's salary. In the end, a few hours of comfort aren’t worth adding to the awkwardness you’ll face over the next week.

“No, thank you. But if there’s an aisle seat available that’d be great.”

She taps on her keyboard with manicured nails for a moment, the light of the screen reflecting on her face. “Alright, your new flight number is AYX287 and you’ll be flying out of Gate 98.”

“Thank you,” you say, reviewing the boarding pass she printed. Your new gate is on the opposite side of the terminal but you have a little over an hour to make it there.

Rolling your silver carry-on next to you, you weave in and out of the other airport goers heading in the opposite directions. A curse of any crowded space, people forget to walk with a sense of purpose. You dodge a young couple, probably teenagers, standing in the middle of the walkway oblivious to anyone else; only to end up behind an gaggle of older women surrounded by a heavy cloud of perfume and cheap wine. One of their shirts reads “Happily Divorced!” in glittery cursive.

More nimble footwork and multiple sign checks later, you reach the correct wing of the terminal with forty five minutes to spare. Confirming that your gate does, in fact, exist, you turn back up the walkway to find a drink. Preferably several. The first time you see Wooyoung in months will require the strongest alcohol you can finally afford now that residency is over and you're making the hefty salary you’d been promised at the start of medical school.

A friendly faced woman, old enough to be your mother, greets you as you take a stool at her bar.

“Cranberry margarita.” You slide over your credit card. “And start a tab, please.”

The first overpriced drink goes down smoothly, a little sweet and perfectly tart; the second and third much the same. Pleasantly buzzed with fifteen minutes till boarding, you cash out and shuffle back to wait by the gate.

And in one of the cramped pleather seats of the waiting area, sits your ex-boyfriend.

Wooyoung is hallucinating. Two gin and gingers and a THC gummy churning in his stomach make the mirage in front of him look incredibly realistic but there is no way this is happening. The world isn’t that cruel.

Even if he deserves it.

You stand twenty feet away in the usual flight attire, every bit as beautiful as the last time he saw you. Loose gray sweats, the same old hunter green crew neck with the name of his hometown in frayed golden embroidery on the front, sherpa lined short ugg boots, and glasses perched on the end of your nose. The silver carry-on you bought in the airport during the last visit to his family at your side. And a sour look of absolute disgust twisting your lips when you catch him staring.

Better he sees you for the first time since the break up now instead of later in front of the audience of his nosy family. In the safety of anonymity, you can kill him multiple times over with looks alone, and Wooyoung can grovel and pander like he usually does.

Or Wooyoung would if you hadn’t taken a seat along the bay of windows at the opposite end of the alcove.

You actively avoid looking in his general direction for the next fifteen minutes. An impressive feat given he’s directly in front of the help desk and TV screen displaying updates for the flight. But you keep focus on your phone, tapping furiously to who Wooyoung assumes is Lisa. If he wakes up to the tiny blonde in his apartment one morning with a knife to his throat, there’ll at least be a paper trail of evidence.

The gate agent booms over the loudspeaker, announcing priority boarding and first class to come forward. Wooyoung’s bank account weeps at the idea of flying first class during Christmas. Who flies first class domestic? A true mystery for the ages.

The familiar head of hair, full of murderous thoughts aimed at him, boards with group three; flashing a polite smile to the gate agent as you strut down the hall without a glance back.

When Wooyoung is called with the last group, he’s first in line. The airport is a dog eat dog world and his good deeds end where the boarding line begins.

Nearly every seat is filled when he shuffles down the cramped aisle, full overhead bins already closed half way down the plane. He doesn’t find you amongst the faces of passengers preparing for the next five hours, some already knocked out with eye masks and neck pillows.

Seat 27A, a window seat Wooyoung paid an extra $37 for, sits next to a blissfully vacant middle seat. There’s also just enough room for his black suitcase to fit overhead, snug between a gray hard case, and a blue duffle.

The aisle seat in the row is occupied by a man who looks a little younger than Wooyoung's age, a college hoodie and baseball cap similar to his own. He rises, allowing Wooyoung to shuffle by and plop into his chair. Stuffing his backpack under the seat in front, Wooyoung shoots a few last minute texts. One to his family group chat, letting them know the flight is about to take off; resending the flight number for his dad to anxiously track. Another to his roommate group chat, reminding them to cover the drains before they leave town. And a final one to San, begging for thoughts and prayers.

He barely hits send when the seat next to him jostles with the weight of a body. Turning, Wooyoung spots the man in the aisle seat a few inches from himself. On the other side, his ex-girlfriend.

Great.

Wooyoung’s familiar mop of dark hair remains unseen through each new rush of passengers, the plane slowly filling up more and more. You dread to think he got stuck the same way you did hours ago, forced on a later flight than intended. If that was the case, would you be stuck at the airport waiting for him? Given his parents had to drive two hours to pick you both up, the answer is probably yes.

Two hours unsupervised with Wooyoung’s mom would ruin the entire plan. You can’t lie to her. It’s one thing for Wooyoung to play this entire charade in her face and you to go along. It’s another to ask you to look her in the eye and pretend you hadn’t spent the last six months pretending her son didn’t exist.

Nature calls you to the cramped bathroom at the back of the aircraft as passengers at the front continue trickling in. Hopefully Wooyoung is sitting far away from you when you return to your seat.

Stupid motherfucker. You think, rattling the jammed door of the airplane stall in an attempt to force it open. Just as you're about to kick the door down, a flight attendant shoves it aside, flashing a tight smile of displeasure.

Shuffling up back to your seat, you awkwardly wait behind struggling passengers putting away their belongings in the sparse overhead space. Thank the powers that be, your new ticket came with better boarding.

Finally catching up to the familiar faces of the rows around your seat, you turn to find two men in your row. One in your seat, and the other your ex boyfriend.

You stop dead in your tracks. “You’re fucking kidding me.”

“Sorry!” the man who is not your ex-boyfriend apologizes.

“No! Not you.”

Wooyoung stares blankly, glazed eyes bugging out his skull like he can’t believe the irony either. If habit and history were to repeat itself, he carefully timed an edible before stepping through security. Given his propensity for being obnoxiously early to the airport, he should be high as a kite.

And now you’re stuck next to him drunk as a skunk.

Great.

Taking the now vacant aisle seat, you attempt to ignore Wooyoung once again; plugging in your headphones and pulling out a book you’ve been trying to get through for months. Lisa’s recommendation of smutty fantasy romance with hot immortal faeries. You didn’t see the appeal but at her insistence, you gave it a chance.

“Hey,” calls a voice to your left.

Nope, not doing this. You think, forcing yourself to read the opening paragraph again but registering none of the words. It might as well be ancient hieroglyphics.

“Y/N,” he tries again. In your periphery, Wooyoung folds over at the waist to look around the man sandwiched between you.

“What?” you snap, ripping out your headphones.

“How’ve you been?”

Rolling your eyes with a groan, you sink back into your chair, headphones replaced and book in the pocket in front of you. It’s going to be a long flight.

Murphy’s law states that anything that can go wrong will and your flight is no exception. The packed jet is stuck taxing for almost an hour, courtesy of the trademark fog and rain of New York in the winter. You can feel the heat of Wooyoung’s gaze burn the side of your face, cheeks heating under his scrutiny. But the full scale meltdown threatening to unleash if you entertain him has no place in the sanctity of a last minute holiday flight of people just trying to make it to their next destination.

He doesn’t stop when the plane finally lurches forward, witnessing you brace for the worst part of flying; take off.

The loud rattles and pitch of jet engines skyrocket your blood pressure, flooding your mouth with saliva as a threat of vomiting everywhere; a sickening cold sweat pooling at your back. All you can do is close your eyes, and take deep calming breaths your guided meditation apps recommend. Running through the facts keeps you from descending into full panic. Airplanes are notoriously safe. The odds of dying in a plane crash are one in eleven million. You’re more likely to die in a car crash or from something one of your patients brings into the hospital.

But the brief suspension in time and space as you rise through the atmosphere unsettles you to your core.

The panic steeping into your veins is temporary, eager to vanish the second you reach cruising altitude. It disappears like a late winter snow under early spring sunlight, leaving only trace evidence it ever existed in the first place. But it’ll be back with a vengeance under the screaming brakes and the sounds of wheels hitting pavement as you land. The seatbelt sign chimes off and the breath you’d failed to release follows the fading light that illuminated it.

Wooyoung tries to talk to you another two times before giving up. The final instance is a plea for the bathroom, which you graciously grant; thrilling in the relief you feel at his absence.

The poor guy between you two looks worse for wear. Once Wooyoung is out of earshot, you apologize, excusing the strange behavior with a white lie that he's just a friend from college you didn’t get along with and hadn’t seen in a while after he offers to trade seats. You refuse. If you sat next to Wooyoung they’d need more than a few people to pull your hands from his neck.

The stranger, Jay, laughs. “That’s crazy that you two ended up on the same flight. Are you from Denver?”

“Oh, no. Just visiting some family in Lavensville. What about you?”

“No way! My mom is from Lanesville.”

“Small world,” you laugh. “So what took you to the city?”

“I’m in grad school at Columbia. Getting my MBA.”

Wooyoung arrives over your shoulder. “Excuse me.”

When you rise, you notice his face is tense as he passes to return to his seat. He pretends to sleep the rest of the flight as you chat with the man next to you.

Six laborious hours pass before you land in Denver. Exiting the plane, you leave Wooyoung behind in favor of waiting by the restrooms on the way to arrivals. You tap your foot impatiently as he stumbles over, clearly exhausted by the late arrival of your flight and the idea of another two hours in his mom’s cramped sedan.

Shuffling next to one another in somber silence, you wait for Wooyoung to speak first. He dragged you into this, and it’s his job to make it work. “How’ve you been?”

“Fine.” You stare straight ahead. His hand brushes yours by accident and you make more space between you so it doesn’t happen again.

“How’s work?” Wooyoung asks.

“Fine.”

“Okay, look.” He turns, stepping directly into your path and nearly toppling over when you bounce off his chest. “I’m sorry for all of this but you agreed to come so can we please at least pretend to act like we like each other?”

Unfortunately, Wooyoung is right. He might have put his foot in his mouth, but you didn’t take the chance to bail. He’s only fractionally more guilty than you are for this charade.

“Fine,” you sigh.

He pins you with a look, eyebrows arched as if asking “are you sure?”

Shuffling around him, you begin your journey to baggage claim once again, Wooyoung hot on your heels.

“I’m working at a hospital uptown, I live in Yorkville, and I still prefer the bus to the train.”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.” Wooyoung nods. “I’m at the same school, in the same apartment, and still living with San and Yeosang. But Mingi moved to Williamsburg with his girlfriend.”

You try to smother the snarkiness of your voice but a sarcastic “I know” slips free.

Even if you weren’t as close with the boys due to the break up, they’d been your friends as much as his; especially Mingi’s girlfriend, who’d you introduced him to. Lia invited you to their housewarming party when they finally settled in but you missed it due to work. A small blessing to avoid running into Wooyoung so soon after the break up.

The conveyor belt of remaining unclaimed luggage spins like the saddest merry-go-round in existence. Wooyoung jumps forward to snatch your suitcase before you can react, rolling it your direction before diving back in for his own. Once out of the way, he calls his mom to confirm she’s pulling around to pick you two up.

The silver sedan whips to the curve, Wooyoung’s mom beaming from the driver’s seat.

“My babies!” she cries through the rolled down window.

Mrs. Jung always gave you the enthusiasm your own mother couldn’t feign. Waving at her before circling the trunk where Wooyoung packs away your bags, you snatch his hand before he can circle back to the passenger door.

“Should we tell them I still live in Boston?”

As if you’ve just spoken another language, Wooyoung simply blinks at you.

“How are we gonna explain separate apartments? It makes no sense.”

“Oh,” he gasps, as if the thought didn’t occur to him. “Ugh, yeah. Good idea.”

The security guard monitoring the pick up area begins striding towards the car, inhaling to yell a warning. Throwing your remaining luggage inside the trunk roughly, you both sprint to enter the vehicle. Wooyoung plants himself in the passenger seat, squeezing his mom in a tight hug as you buckle in the middle seat. Untangling from her needy son, Mrs. Jung peels out and joins the line of cars attempting to merge on the interstate.

Reclining the seat back, Wooyoung knocks out immediately, leaving you to fend for yourself.

“How’s Boston, dear?” She chimes, voice light and bouncy despite the late hour.

You provide your stock answer for everytime someone asks over the past three years.

“Cold, wet. Lots of sick babies.”

“At least they’re consistent!”

You try to swallow the instinct to comb through Wooyoung’s hair as he naps. The first thing you learned about him in the early phase of your relationship was that Wooyoung needed some kind of physical contact at all times or he’d die. At least, he thought so. It’d been annoying at first; the constant hand holding, suffocating hugs that left your arms useless as you tried to study, the overabundance of cartoonish kisses anywhere his lips could reach at the moment. But over eight years, you grew to appreciate his special way of showing affection. When words failed the man who always had something to say, he relied on touch to convey the things he couldn’t verbalize.

Even if you say all the right things and act like nothing's wrong, anyone who has ever been associated with Wooyoung will know something is up if he isn’t hanging off you like a koala. If you’re going to pretend the last six months hadn’t happened, then you have no reason not to treat him the way you always had.

Your nails snag on a few invisible tangles in his shaggy hair that spills across the cloth seat. It’s longer than when you last saw him in the summer, top half pulled back in an elastic. Continuing to provide updates, you gently brush the bangs hanging in his face. Wooyoung whines sleepily when you pause, causing his mom to laugh.

“Nice to know the city hasn’t changed him.”

Quick to appease, you start again before responding. “Eh, I don’t know about that. Have you seen some of his shoes?”

“Still?” she gasps.

“Unfortunately, I think it’s terminal.”

Mrs. Jung’s cackly laugh is a perfect doppelganger of her son’s. Shrill and mischievous, compelling you to laugh along in pure glee even if you don’t find shared humor; bewitched by the pure joy.

Once the initial rush of reunion wanes, she insists you catch some sleep in the backseat during the long drive. The gentle caress of warm air from the vents, paired with the smooth carols from the radio, lulls you down into a shallow rest.

As his mom rolls to a stop in their driveway, the gentle glow of the car's cabin lights draw Wooyoung awake. Eyes only a quarter open, he stretches in the reclined seat with an obnoxious yawn, hands brushing your stomach. You shrug his hand off your thigh, burrowing back down into the collar of your sweater

His mom opens the driver's door, inviting in the chilly air from outside. “Come on, sleepy heads. We’re home.”

Home for Wooyoung is a cream two story Williamsburg Revival style home with royal blue shutters. His dad added the two car garage himself, meticulously matching the exterior to the existing home, blending old and new seamlessly under the watchful eye of his mom. The now gray and dead garden that usually bloomed wildly below the first floor windows was his grandmother’s contribution when she moved in before Wooyoung started highschool.

When his parents were both students at the obscure liberal arts college Lavensville was built around, his mom had been obsessed with the very house Wooyoung grew up in. According to his dad, Wooyoung’s mom talked more about the house than anything else; a true historic preservationist to her core.

It was an odd way to ask someone to marry you, but his dad always said “Some women wanted a ring. Your mom wanted this house.”

His dad surprised her with the ring after she stopped crying about the house.

Golden string lights drip from the corners of the roof, casting the exterior in a buttery soft haze. Each window sporting a wreath with a thick red velvet ribbon. A heavy layer of snow coating the ground like powdered sugar makes the entire scene like something out of a snow globe.

Another yawn before braving the outside, Wooyoung spots you in the rearview mirror; features curled in a sleepy scowl, eyes squinted against the sudden light.

He wants to pull you into his arms and kiss you back to sleep. Follow the slope of your nose and bow of your lips with his fingertips until you swat him away and hide in the warmth of his neck. Six months ago he could have. Now, he has to brave the cold himself.

Wooyoung joins his mom at the back of the car, shouldering her away from the trunk as she insists on helping carry everything inside. She manages to snag his backpack and your carryon before he can shoo her towards the path to the front door where his dad is jamming on an old pair of sneakers to come help.

“We got it!” You call across the icy lawn, bidding the older man to stay inside as you struggle with the luggage.

“I can see that,” his dad laughs, jogging down the salted sidewalk curving along the front of the house.

His dad lifts your larger suitcase out of the truck with ease, leaving Wooyoung to roll his own inside while you balance your tote bag and his carryon. Wooyoung manages to snag the canvas bag off your elbow as he walks past. The wheels grate against the uneven brick sidewalk as everyone rushes to return to the heated interior of the house.

It’s well past midnight, the faint glow of Christmas lights illuminating the climb to the second floor. Wooyoung’s room is just as he left it the last time he visited in the spring. The headboard of the tiny twin bed resting against the wall just under the window looking out to the front yard, posters from his childhood still tacked up crookedly.

Wooyoung tries very hard not to think about the last time he shared the quilt covered bed. How the last trip here had been the last night you slept in his arms; the last time he laid you bare beneath him, giggled against your lips as you both tried and failed to stay silent; the last time he fell asleep tangled in you, with the blue velvet box he brought everywhere hidden in his suitcase only feet away, ready to ask you at the drop of a hat.

Six months and the memories felt as real as they had when it first happened.

The same blue velvet box with the same ring sits in his suitcase but he can’t think about it because if he does he’ll beg you to come back to him. You lay curled under the quilt like before except this time Wooyoung can’t glue himself to your back and trace shapes on your stomach for you to guess. He can’t kiss you good night and tell you he loves you even though he still does; he probably always will. He can’t do it.

Because you deserve better.

A better life, a better man. One who doesn’t rope you into this level of insanity instead of asking for a second chance and explaining why he ruined the best thing in his life.

But Wooyoung is a coward.

“I can sleep on the floor,” he offers, unzipping his suitcase for clean clothes to sleep in.

Digging in your own suitcase, you scoff at the idea. “Don’t be stupid, what if Bibi comes in?”

A tiny speck of hope you might want to share the bed for other reasons melts into nothing. Of course, you wouldn’t want him anywhere near you. The moment in the car when he was feigning slip just to feel the gentle scratch of your nails through his hair meant nothing. “She’s gotten better about knocking!”

“Yeah, after she saw us having sex!”

Not like that’s going to happen again.

“We can share the bed, it’s too cold up here to sleep on the floor.” You grab your toiletry bag and shuffle to his door. “You’re a diva when you don’t get good sleep.”

“I’m not a diva,” Wooyoung whines. But his rebuttal bounces off the piece of wood locking him alone in his room.

When you return from the bathroom, Wooyoung takes his turn to brush his teeth and wash his face. It’s just for a few days, he reminds himself. You leave first thing in the morning the day after Christmas and after he gets back to the city he can tell his family the truth. Or an altered version of events where Wooyoung hasn’t lied to all of them.

Until then, Wooyoung gathers all the patience he typically reserves for the army of eight year olds he deals with every day in an effort to not descend into insanity.

This was his idea. He can do this. He can pretend everything is fine. He can share a bed with you and be totally normal; unlike every other time you fell asleep in his bed since the beginning of your now finished relationship.

He finds you balancing on the edge of the narrow mattress, a sliver of space open for him to sink into. His chest squeezes but he stays silent as the minutes tick by. He knows you’re awake. Your leg twitches and brushes back against his before you jerk away like his skin burns.

Wooyoung wants to roll over and trace the dip between your shoulders like he used to when neither of you could fall asleep. It’d work in no time, he knows it. But he settles for counting backwards until his thoughts drift off.

You fall asleep somewhere around the second time he reaches the forties. When Wooyoung reaches zero again, he starts over.

Shuffling into the cold kitchen, you barely crack your eyes open as you beeline for the coffee pot resting on the counter. Wooyoung’s mom greets you from the dining table, eyes scanning her newspaper as you reply with a mumble “morning.”

One would think years of twenty-four hour shifts and early mornings would make waking up easier but you’d sleep all day if given the chance; however, Wooyoung suffocating you like an octopus forced you from the heated sanctuary under the covers and downstairs. Already it was too easy to pretend you were still together. Waking up tangled in him, his face squashed against your sweater clad chest as he snored, blissfully unaware of the budding panic attack you’d calmed with a freezing shower full of choked tears.

Planting your rear in a dark oak dining chair around the table, the jolt of caffeine and sugar lulls your senses awake as you scroll your phone.

You send a text to your little brother, confirming your parents had made it to their cruise safely while your flight crossed the country. Two weeks in the Caribbean, all expenses paid, sounded a lot better than a week in rural Colorado with your ex-boyfriend. Thankfully, there’s no cell service in the middle of the ocean; so you don’t need to explain to your mother why you were spending Christmas with Wooyoung, who she truly was never fond of to begin with.

Sometime after bed, Lisa sent a string of vaguely threatening emojis and a picture of her yorkie with the Christmas sweater you bought as an early gift. Assuring her Wooyoung had been on his best behavior so far, you switched over to skim your clogged work email.

“Do you want some breakfast, sweetie?”

You tilt your mug towards her. “This is fine.”

“How can you be a doctor and try to tell me coffee is a healthy breakfast?”

“I have horrible news if you think doctors have time to do any of the things we tell people they should.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re here then because you have plenty of time now.”

Wooyoung hates waking up alone. It feels inexplicably wrong. Especially after sharing an apartment those four years you attended medical school. There’d been plenty of road bumps but spending every night curled up under the comforter with the woman he loved made it all fade to black. He never slept as good as those years.

Except this morning, he wakes up to your fingers brushing his hair like always, and for a second Wooyoung thinks the entire breakup must’ve been a horrible dream. Wooyoung hadn’t moved a muscle lest the passes of your short nails sending goosebumps down his spine stopped. Eventually, the lazy drags lulled him back into the land of sleep as your heart sang his favorite lullaby.

The second time Wooyoung woke up, you’d been long gone and he felt the familiar emptiness he thought he’d forgotten after all those months apart.

Trudging down the stairs with loud footsteps, Wooyoung spots his mom in the kitchen, mouth spread wide over laughter as you sit at the counter, cradling a steaming mug. If Wooyoung had to bet, it probably contained more sugar and milk than coffee.

“Morning,” he grumbles, forehead resting against the cool marble of the island as he continues to doze in front of the audience.

His mom pats his back as she passes to reach the fridge, “Go sit down, Woo. You're in my way!”

“Everyone is so mean to me,” he pouts, but rounds the counter to sit next to you nonetheless, resting his cheek on your shoulder, feeling you startle at the contact. Wooyoung hides a satisfied smirk in your sweater when a hand starts scratching his back under his hoodie. He can almost forget you're lying to everyone in the gentle passes of your cold fingers chilling against his hot skin.

His mom works to heat the pan on the stove. “Your brother is getting in this afternoon so we thought of letting everyone relax until this evening and then having a game night.”

“Where’s Kyungmin?”

“He went with Bibi to volunteer at the church this morning.”

“Sucker,” you mumble for Wooyoung’s ears only, sending him into giggles.

Wooyoung’s grandmother has a particular way of guilting everyone in his family to do exactly what she wants. It’s why he’s sharing his childhood bed with his ex-girlfriend, why his dad keeps the house unbearably warm all year round, and why his little brother is no doubt undergoing military grade interrogation first thing in the morning at the hands of nosey grandmothers.

Going to church with Bibi was less about being closer to God and more about being paraded in front of her old lady friends with single granddaughters. Wooyoung had been a victim until he met you, each summer at home more exhausting than the last with not so subtle reminders Ms. So-and-so's granddaughter was very pretty and very available, and Oh she also wants to be a teacher! Isn’t that cute? But the second Wooyoung sent a picture to his mom of you and him at the park, cheeks smashed together, announcing he was not so casually dating you, his grandmother ceased all effort to set him up. And after she met you at graduation, Wooyoung beamed with the knowledge his entire family not only approved but liked his girlfriend.

Leaving poor Kyungmin to bare the brunt of Bibi’s well-meaning torture almost made Wooyoung feel guilty. Operative word being almost. Because Wooyoung survived it, their older brother survived it, and now it was Kyungmin’s turn to endure the special brand of Jung family meddling. It was good for him.

The second his family finds out he's technically single, Wooyoung knows it’s only a matter of time before Bibi smothers him in his sleep for breaking up with the girl she considers family. And after, when she resurrects him from the dead, Wooyoung will be thrown to Bibi’s friends like a sacrificial lamb to starving wolves.

Stealing a sip of your overly sweet coffee can’t clear his mouth of the sour taste of dating again.

“Wooyoung, you need to make up the guest bed for your brother,” his mom says, dropping a plate of eggs and toast on the counter for him and Y/N to share.

“What about her?” Wooyoung asks, lips stretching as he stuffs his face.

“She’s a guest!”

Washing down a harsh swallow with another sip of coffee, Wooyoung mutters a “hardly,” under his breath.

“Get your own!” you snap, shoving the mug out of his reach.

Wooyoung responds with a high pitched whine, huffing similar to a toddler rather than a man who's almost thirty. “Why are you both being so mean to me? I haven’t even done anything yet.”

Rising to pour his own mug of caffeinated gold, his mom quickly claims the empty chair before she bats Wooyoung away. Claiming something about “girl time” as an excuse to get him out of the kitchen before he can truly annoy them to his fullest potential.

When the afternoon rolls around, Bibi greets you with a fierce hug and a grandmotherly pinch to your cheek, smiling up at you as she asks for any and every update since she last saw you in April for her birthday.

Luckily, Kyungmin unconsciously rescues you as he enters the house, boxes piled high in his arms of goodies from the other ladies at church trying to court him on their granddaughter’s behalf. Rushing to his aid, you give him a gentle side hug as you walk with him to the kitchen.

“So…” you start, eyeing the stacks of cookies crowding the counter. “How was church?”

A pained groan answers you, Kyungmin dropping his head to the marble counter with a thud. You can’t contain your snicker, snagging one of the deformed gingerbread men to dunk in your fresh cup of coffee.

“Only a few more months,” Kyungmin mutters under his breath, the reprieve of college clearly tethering him to sanity.

Wooyoung told you all about Bibi’s ways when you started dating, thankful to no longer entertain doting mothers and grandmothers interested in him only because he was single and knew basic manners unlike many of the men lurking around Lavensville. Poor Kyungmin didn’t stand a chance if Wooyoung hadn’t managed to charm his way out until he got a girlfriend Bibi approved of.

“At least we get snacks out of it!” You clap, continuing to sort his haul as Kyungmin hides in his arms.

A tan hand sneaks over your shoulder to steal the decapitated cookie still in your grip, turning to see Wooyoung nibbling on one as he observes the collection of cookies, fruit, and other treats.

“Come on!” You stomp your foot like a toddler.

“Tastes better when it’s stolen.” Wooyoung winks, forcing you and his brother to dry heave in unison. Your reaction isn't genuine, only an effort to hide the squeeze in your chest at how easily he can fall back into old habits after months of radio silence.

Wooyoung’s mom breezes into the kitchen, unbothered by your bickering as she types out a text message. “Myungho and Mia land in an hour. Your dad is already on the way to pick them up.” She rattles off, more to herself than anyone else. “Kyungmin, you need to tidy all of this up. Wooyoung you already put clean sheets on the guest bed? Great. Y/N, dear, would you mind helping with dinner later?”

“Of course.”

Dinner consists of chili you didn’t assist with other than pulling out extra toppings from the fridge for, and everyone chattering around the table. Myungho is sharing some story about his and Mia’s neighbor who refused to close their blinds, everyone laughing at Mia’s grimace when she recalled the horrors of the “tighty-whities” incident. Each time you stay with the Jungs you're shocked how well they get along, everyone slotting together perfectly like some cheesy sitcom family.

It’s not that your family didn’t love each other, but there was little bonding you together other than shared blood and memories. Your mom clearly favored your brother while your dad tried to make up for the snub by prioritizing you. Growing up with the invisible competition left bitter resentment to this day. At least now, after years of therapy and freedom from the suffocating expectations of your childhood home, you and your brother shared a mutual understanding that it was your parents fault for the animosity between you. Nothing could reverse the damage already deeply ingrained, but you’d become a more united front during family affairs.

That’d been the first time you and Wooyoung fought in your tentative relationship. He hadn’t seemed to understand how you could talk about your brother with such vitrole, confused why you weren’t more excited to see him after living in the city permanently since sophomore year. Not that you’d explained your family dynamic prior to calling him in a full blown meltdown in Washington Square Park at midnight. But Wooyoung listened. And when you brought up how perfect his family seemed, he quickly corrected your assumption.

Wooyoung knew his parents loved him and his brothers equally. But they were helping him pay thousands of dollars in tuition out of state for him to be a teacher while his older brother made six figures fresh out of college as an engineer. Even if they were happy for him, Wooyoung struggled with the internal conflict of idolizing his brother and feeling like he’d never measure up.

It’d been the first time Wooyoung cried in front of you.

The tense conversation and awkward small talk of your childhood home didn’t seem to have space here at the Jungs, nothing but laughter and warmth filling each nook and cranny. Even the awkwardness of sitting next to your ex-boyfriend, pretending he was still your partner, seemed to be stifled with the company.

“So, Y/N, when are you planning to move back to New York? You finished residency, right?” Mia asks over her glass of wine, eyes bright.

“Ugh,” you stutter, unprepared for such directness.

“Or maybe you’re thinking of moving to Boston?” She eyes Wooyoung.

“We’re, uh,” Wooyoung pipes up, frantically looking at you.

“I’m looking at jobs in the city but nothing's come up yet.”

“That sucks,” Myungho chimes, working to help their father clear the table for games.

Rather than answering, you take a long draw of your drink before rising to hide in the bathroom.

In the silence of the small half bath under the stairs, you attempt to control your stuttering breath. A few splashes of cool water on your face help shock your system but it does nothing to stop the It’d taken years to perfect the stone-faced facade you presented to families when the outcome was less than favorable.

A light tap at the door startles you from the nosedive your conscious has taken.

“I’ll be out in a minute.” You call, scrubbing your hands in the sink.

“It’s me,” Wooyoung chirps on the other side of the wood.

Opening the door, Wooyoung leans his shoulder against the jamb, eying you warily. Pulling him into the cramped space, you press the door closed and lean against it. “I can’t do this, Woo. I can’t lie to them.”

“Don’t think of it as lying! Just pretend you're back in that drama class in college!”

“Oh, you mean the class I almost failed because I couldn’t act?” you whisper harshly.

“Just let me take the lead okay? All you have to do is be normal.”

Another knock on the door startles you both. When you got so close to Wooyoung, you have no idea, but there are only a scant few inches between you and you can smell the peppermint schnapps on his breath.

“Wooyoung, Y/N. Is everything okay?”

Twisting around your stiff body, Wooyoung nudges you out of the way as he twists the handle and pulls the door inward.

“Yeah,” Wooyoung answers, opening the door to a concerned Bibi. “She wasn’t feeling well.”

Bibi brushes past him, the cool back of her wrinkled hand pressing against your forehead. “Are you okay, dear?”

“I’m fine, just got a little light headed.”

One arm curls around yours, the other gently patting your back as Bibi guides you back towards the kitchen with Wooyoung trailing behind. “You know, when I was pregnant with Wooyoung’s father I got lightheaded all the time.”

Bibi’s implication isn’t lost on you, or Wooyoung for that matter when you hear him curse as he trips behind you.

“Oh?”

“Almost everyday I’d have to drink a gallon of ginger tea just to get out of bed.” She guides you into a seat before turning. “I’ll make you cup while the boys set everything up, okay?”

“That’s really not neccess—”

Bibi is already filling the kettle and rummaging in the cabinets for tea bags as if you didn’t speak at all. Wooyoung won’t look at you, not that you can look at him either.

Kids.

Just another thing on the long list of wants you wouldn’t be getting. For so long, children were this amorphous thing you wanted some day. That was until Wooyoung came along and slowly changed those vague thoughts into real hopes. They had been discussed to death over and over. Wooyoung wanted as many as possible before he started teaching, then eagerly explained that two kids were more than enough after his first day of school.

All those nights snuggled in bed talking about baby names, Wooyoung offering to stay at home if you wanted.

“I’ve always wanted to be a trophy husband,” he told you. He smothered his face in your neck, sealing the offer with a gentle kiss. “Could be a trophy dad too.”

“You’d give up teaching to raise my baby?” you asked.

“I’d give up everything if that's what you wanted.”

He would have.

Cursing his grandmother for making an already tense situation worse, Wooyoung shakes his head as she flutters around the kitchen. He should be relieved Bibi moved away from asking when they were getting married and fast forwarding straight to asking for grandchildren. At least Wooyoung hadn’t been as close to being the dad as he was as being a husband. Kids were hypothetical, no matter how often you two discussed them; but marriage was almost reality.

Kyungmin is already setting up the Scrabble board and dishing out letters. Eight people was far too many so like every year they divide into pairs. Mom and Dad, Myungho and Mia, Kyungmin and Bibi, finally you and him.

Wooyoung tries not to think about Bibi’s comments but the mug of tea sits steaming on the table and the images are just there. You pregnant; a nursery decorated in greens like the one you told him about; celebrating Christmas in the city, the snow covering everything and requiring the little tyke to be wrapped up until they resembled an overstuffed dumpling.

His mind wanders as the board crowds with letters. Bibi and Kyungmin struggle to play anything worth more than fifteen points while his parents brush off challenge after challenge as they fill the board with words like “Paczki” and “Rudistid.”

“Quad, baby! Do you know how hard it is to get rid of a Q?” Mia asks everyone, high fiving Myungho next to her.

Wooyoung exchanges a conspiratory smile with you before he ruins their celebration. “I know! And when you have a U and an A and every other letter I need for ACQUAINT on a triple word score. Plus bingo for all the tiles we don’t have…Boom one hundred and seven points.”

Arms thrown around each other's shoulders, he bounces up and down with you in victory; cheeks squished together, matching bright tipsy grins. Almost like everything is normal.

“No fair! You’re an English teacher!” Kyungmin protests, nostrils flared.

“Yeah to third graders, Minnie. You know just as many words as they do, I promise.”

You don’t move from his hold except to take another swig of the tea his grandmother made. Wooyoung tries not to think about what it means; having an arm curled around the back of your chair while you settle into the crook of his chest, watching his family over the top of your head, relaxing firm pressure of your body against his own. Taking the tentative peace for granted, Wooyoung greedily overindulges in the illusion of normalcy.

In the cool toned light of dawn, you wake in Wooyoung’s arms once again. This time you're both on your sides, Wooyoung pressed firmly behind you as he snores in your ear. A familiar lump pokes against your rear, scorching your skin through the layers of clothes that separate you.

Wiggling in his grip, you're ashamed of the quiet sound fleeing your lips as Wooyoung flexes his arms to hold you tighter, his hips rolling against you harshly to pin you to him.

Blame it on the months without feeling another person’s touch, or the liminal space that exists when the world is asleep and void of any real consequences, but a hollowness stings your core and dampens your underwear.

Years of dating meant years of exploring one another’s bodies, discovering every spot that drove the other mad and perfecting the balance of teasing and satisfaction. You still remember the first night in your shared apartment years ago; Wooyoung blindfolded and tied to the bed, putty under your fingers as you rode him until your eyes felt permanently crossed and your legs numb. And just when you thought the night was over, sated with his cum leaking onto the sheets, Wooyoung knotted the silk scarf around your own wrist and “cleaned up” the mess between your thighs until you actually blacked out.

The very memory has you arching backwards, clenching around nothing but disappointing emptiness.

It’s wrong – so so so wrong – to fantasize about your ex-boyfriend while he’s asleep next to you, none the wiser to your needs. But the way his hand on your stomach fists the fabric of your shirt, pulling you into him again, beckons you closer to the edge of temptation. Wooyoung told you to act natural. What’s more natural than enjoying some half asleep heavy petting? You’re already pretending to date him, why not reap some of the old benefits you’d missed in your time apart?

Just as you turn in Wooyoung’s arms, set on waking him with an offer even he can’t refuse, he yawns awake. Arms stretching high, he pushes you from the toasty covers and onto the floor with a bang!

“Jesus Christ!” you groan, jolting pain in your elbow shocking your system as it catches the edge of the bed frame.

Wooyoung’s head pops over the side of the mattress. “Why’re you down there?”

Scoffing, the back of your head thuds against the floor; eyes sinking shut as you fight the urge to murder him. Three more days and you’ll never have to deal with the ridiculousness that follows Wooyoung like a shadow. Three more days and you can go back to pretending he doesn’t exist.

You hear, rather than see, Wooyoung exit into the hallway. Stretching your lungs around another deep breath, you follow behind him. Passing the bathroom door as you pad down stairs, you're greeted with an empty kitchen. The stove clock reads just past nine so more bodies should trickle in soon. In the meantime, you turn on the coffee pot and wait as the kitchen fills with the comforting smell. Sending a silent prayer to the universe, you prepare for quality time with Mrs. Jung and Mia. Another day of lying to the people who treat you better than your own family.

Wonderful.

“Morning, sweetie.” Bibi bursts into the kitchen, a whirlwind of activity even at the early hour.

“Coffee?”

“That stuff's no good for you,” she chides, taking a spot at the dining table with her own cup. “Our appointments are in thirty minutes, better go get ready before the boys use all the hot water.”

Like a teenager with his first wet dream, Wooyoung hides in the sanctuary of the bathroom. Thankfully, his brothers aren’t prone to waking before noon and he stakes his claim by locking the door and entering the steam.

Maybe dry humping his ex-girlfriend while half asleep was a bad idea but Wooyoung knows you pushed back into him with a purpose. He’d heard that whimper, felt your legs squeeze together the way you always did when you needed his help. Wooyoung hadn’t meant to launch you to the floor but overdue break up sex with the rest of the house due to wake up any minute couldn’t be a good idea. And with three more days of this charade he needed less complications, not more. Sex felt like it would make things very, very complicated.

But the knowledge of how wrong he should feel doesn’t stop the memories of from placating his mind as he palms his aching cock. Months of abstinence fail to dissolve Wooyoung’s photorealistic memories of you in compromising positions; bent in half to take his cock, staring down your nose from on top of his lap. And his personal favorite, on your knees, eyes watering as your swollen lips stretch around his length, the flared head nudging the back of your throat.

The swiftnesses of his orgasm is a fatal blow against his fragile ego. Biting the meat of his fist, Wooyoung closes his eyes as the evidence swirls the drain. Unfortunately, the confusion pulsing through him doesn’t follow.

Out of the steam, he returns to his room, ready to throw on a pair of sweats and spend the day sleeping to avoid his feelings. Too busy thinking about you, Wooyoung isn’t paying attention when he opens the door and runs straight into you.

Also half naked.

“Oof!”

Wooyoung grunts with the impact from the floor. Arms caging your head, you stare up at him like you can’t believe he’s there. Bare chest on bare chest. His towel unties, leaving his right leg naked against yours, hips cradled against your own.

This is not happening.

“What the hell?”

“Why are you naked?” he stutters.

Very naked, and pressed against him intimately. The heat of your core is more than enticing. Even though he washed all the desire from this morning away, his body betrays him from years of habit. Maybe touching you wasn’t such a bad idea. What could it hurt?

“I thought I’d flash you,” you spit, eyes rolling. “I was changing.”

You’re still beneath him, squirming. Right against his dick. A pang of want rushes through him like a thousand volts, his nerves turning into individual live wires everywhere your skin meets his. The cold sneaking through the windows is all more evident by your pinched nipples pressing into his chest.

“I didn’t know you were in here,” he explains. Still, he doesn’t move. He couldn’t even if he tried.

“Cleary.”

You must realize he’s hard because you stop moving, staring wide eyed as his entire body lays heavy against yours. He should have let you talk him into whatever you wanted earlier, consequences be damned. Your gaze lingers on his mouth. He doesn’t want to make assumptions but your head tilts, breath fanning his chin. His own stutters, eyes flitting between your mouth and your eyes as he leans closer and—

“YN? Are you ready?” Mia calls from the door. “We don’t want to be late!”

“Just a minute!” you respond. “Get off.”

Wooyoung scrambles to his feet, towel back around his waist to hide what little of his dignity is left. Which is, somehow, far less than when he entered the shower minutes ago.

He tries not to look but you're standing there, breasts on display, and Wooyoung is only a man who was in love with you for years and still very much is no matter what lies he tells himself.

“Turn around, this isn’t a peep show.”

He does, but an argument fizzles at the tip of his tongue. He’s seen you naked enough to draw you from memory; the mole on your shoulder, the scar on your hip from when you learned to ride a bike and fell into a ditch, the knobs of your spine. Wooyoung knows all of them like the back of his hand. A couple months ago you would have goaded him into looking as much as he wanted, teased him and in the process riled yourself up until looking turned to touching.

You clearly don’t want that as you race to throw on whatever clothes are nearby and rush out the room.

Stupid.

He can’t believe he nearly kissed you. He actually can but what he can’t believe is you seemed to want it just as bad as he did. But it wouldn’t make anything better. This wasn’t a movie where he could kiss you and all the problems plaguing your relationship would disappear. You’d still hate him and he’d still be hopelessly in love with you.

After dressing and basking in humiliation, Wooyoung descends to the living room where his dad and brothers watch a documentary on the Discovery channel. Sinking into the worn leather of their ancient couch, he cracks open one of the books he brought from home. Brave New World wasn’t light reading, but he’d been meaning to give it a try since Yeosang recommended it to him and what better way to spend his free time?

Soon enough, his dad snores from his spot in the recliner, chin tipped back against the headrest. Kyungmin remains entranced by the colorful birds dancing across the screen while his other brother no doubt taps away at work emails cluttering his phone despite the holidays. It’s the kind of peace and content Wooyoung loved about his family. Co-existing without needing to interact, enjoying each other's presence while living their own lives.

The nail salon buzzes with conversation. The acrid sting of acetone and nail polish burn your nose under the harsh white lights, reminding you of the hospital. Mia is happily chattering away, blasting through any stilled pauses or awkward silences. Bibi and Mrs. Jung sit at the counter getting their nails painted by the attendants in calm silence.

You try not to kick the young woman scrub your foot as she brushes against your ticklish nerves, squirming in your seat as she gives a tight lipped smile at your discomfort. For a week off for Christmas you cashed in every favor, picked up every single on call asked of you, nearly breaking under the demand to stretch yourself so thin as the new doctor in your department. The horrific results of hours on your feet were being ground down and clipped before you.

Relaxing was… difficult for you. Or other peoples’ definition of relaxation was. To you, the perfect day off was running around town, hitting an early morning pilates class followed by an overpriced coffee and finding something to do in the city that offered everything. Sitting still was a necessary evil to get to and fro but it left you to stew with your thoughts you preferred to drown in an overwhelming weight of activity.

Wooyoung’s stunt this morning was perfect cannon fodder for your idle mind. It didn’t mean anything; biological reactions to seeing someone and feeling someone who knew your body intimately for years. Seeking closure in the most primitive way after months without any sort of gratification. It meant nothing.

“Y/N,” Mia calls, bringing you to turn and look at her.

Her usually glowing face is apprehensive, lip worried between her teeth and eyes downcast.

“Yeah?”

“You work with kids, right?”

“All day,” you laugh, trying to break the tension.

Mia hesitates, struggling to find the words she wants to say. “After all the stuff you’ve seen, do you still want them?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you and Wooyoung think you’ll have kids someday?”

“I mean not anytime soon considering…” That we aren’t together, you finish in your mind.

But Mia assumes the unspoke truth is the fact you’re supposed to be living in Boston while Wooyoung is living in New York.

“I mean of course, but like you guys both work with kids and I feel like you know the worst that could happen! My friend Mina just had her baby and she says she can’t sleep. She just sits up all night watching him because she’s afraid somethings gonna happen.”

“Mia, are you and Myungho…”

“Not yet,” she smiles. “But we’ve been talking about it more and I know I want that with him but I’m just—”

“Scared?”

She nods sheepishly.

Hesitating as you weigh your next words carefully, you think about all the conversations you’ve had with worried parents. Most of the kids and parents you met were under less than positive circumstances. Babies with underdeveloped lungs, toddlers who couldn’t breath from just sitting up. You’d be lying if it didn’t make you question having your own. The powerlessness you felt when no matter how hard you worked to fix things only for it to be all for naught.

But all of the bad days don't outweigh the good ones. When NICU preemies got to leave the ward with their families for the first time. Having a child take their first full breath because their medication was finally starting to work. The plethora of thank you cards hanging on your fridge and displayed in your office from the families you’d helped.

And you remember all the stories Wooyoung told you about his classroom. Kids who could barely read falling in love with the books he gave to them, hounding him for more stories. When he made way with a problem child, watching them begin to excel under his gentle guidance. Giggling at Wooyoung hiding his tears at the end of year advancement ceremony when all his third graders became fourth graders every year, toothy smiles wide as they wave at him.

“I think being scared means you care. You can always call me if you’re worried, no matter what happens.”

“I’ll definitely take you up on that.” Mia laughs.

“You’re gonna be a great mom,” you whisper, squeezing her arm.

Mia squeezes your hand back. “I always wondered what it’d be like to have a sister.”

“Me too.”

You look away as Mia blinks, breathing away the wetness glossing your own eyes.

Upon returning home, you find all four men passed out in various positions in the living room. Mr. Jung in the recliner that predates your birth, mouth wide open and glasses crooked on his nose. Sprawled across the floor is Kyungmin, gangly teenage limbs starfished to the edges of the carpet. Wooyoung and Myungho share a blanket across their laps, both with their backs on opposite sides of the couch.

You four try to contain your laughter at the sight. If there was any doubt about who fathered the Jung boys, the shaggy black hair and symphony of identical snores would easily lay those rumors to rest.

Bibi shuffles down the hall to her room, claiming a nap to be a great idea after the pampering from the nail salon. Mia and Mrs. Jung head into the kitchen, each teetering with bulging bags of groceries for tonight's gingerbread competition.

But you can’t take your eyes off Wooyoung. The only time he ever looked so peaceful was when he was sleeping, face positively boyish and missing the stress induced wrinkles from managing a class of eight year olds. The urge to cross to him and kiss the freckle on his lower lip floods your brain, pull him upstairs to tangle your limbs between his and find sleep together. But you’re able to stuff it down when he whines in his sleep, twisting to re-adjust on the lumpy couch.

Following the shuffle of plastic bags echoing from the kitchen, you busy yourself with unpacking the boxes of pre-made gingerbread houses, candy, and tubes of icing. Neatly organizing the contents on the counter, Mrs. Jung pushes you and Mia upstairs as she starts to prepare dinner. The clock on the stove shows it’s closing in on three, giving you enough time to shower and have a nap of your own – alone – before the mayhem of the evening.

Cranking the faucet to the highest setting, you waste no time waiting for it to heat as you jump under the cold water. Wooyoung called you a psychopath the first time he witnessed your shower routine but you’d been busy applying for medical school, working in the student health center, and tutoring in the biology lab, all while maintaining a perfect GPA in the fall semester of your senior year; you didn’t have time for the simple pleasures of wasting precious minutes while your apartment’s old pipes struggled to carry hot water through the faucet. And as they say, old habits die hard.

The chill brings sharp clarity with it. It’d only been two days and you’d already fallen into the same bickering as before, been tempted to kiss him when no one was around to fool, and nearly propositioned him in his childhood bed. And again on the floor.

Three more days, you think.

Then you can leave this entire maddening ordeal behind you forever.

The squeeze of Wooyoung’s heart threatens to topple him to his knees at the sight of you curled up in his bed. His old college hoodie circles your face, lips pouted and eyebrows furrowed at whatever dream world keeps you occupied.

Wooyoung aches to scoop you against his chest and litter kisses all over your face, fingers ironing out the wrinkles creasing your forehead. To smile at your whines of protest of being interrupted from a rare opportunity to rest without worrying about work or some other responsibility.

But what Wooyoung wants, he doesn’t deserve. As bold and indulgent as he might be in front of the prying eyes of his family, he isn’t cruel. This morning was a mistake. Even thinking about you the way he has is a mistake.

Even if it kills him not to touch you like he used to be able to, Wooyoung won’t subject you to the torture of his feelings. It’s the least he can do for pulling you into this sham after ending their relationship without explanation.

“Y/N,” he whispers, fingers prodding your shoulder. “Gotta wake up.”

You respond with a throaty groan, pulling the edge of the blanket over your head to hide away.

“C’mon, it's almost time for dinner.”

“Youngie, it’s cold,” you protest as he tries to lift the covers.

Grinding his teeth against the nickname, Wooyoung continues to pry the quilt from your iron grip. “I can get Bibi up here.”

Flying into a seated position, you blink against the overhead light. “I’m up!”

“That’s what I thought.” Wooyoung smirks, crossing to the door. “Let’s go sunshine.”

You mutter empty threats the entire way to the kitchen, so close your cast in his shadow under the threat of Bibi’s wake up methods. Nothing like a woman pushing eighty banging pots over your head to get the blood pumping.

Everyone else already crowds the table, picking apart the trays of snacks as they organize their supplies kits.

Jung family tradition requires everyone, sans Bibi, to decorate their own house according to the year's theme. After an hour, she picks her favorite and the winner has the honor of opening the first present on Christmas morning. You demolished Myungho’s long standing winning streak the first year Wooyoung brought you home; Mia claiming victory in your absence the year after. Since then, Kyungmin reigned supreme despite his creation looking like a haunted house no matter what the theme was.

“Alright.” Bibi stands once Wooyoung and Y/N have taken their seats at the end of the table. “This year's theme is movies. On your mark, get set. Go!”

A room full of adults, plus Kyungmin who's only a few months short, should act with a sense of decorum and dignity. A fair and clean competition in the name of holiday spirit, family, and comradery. But Jung house rules mean cheating is not only expected, it’s encouraged.

The table is warzone. Icing dripping off the sides and onto the tile floor. Candies trailing everywhere like shrapnel. Mia hides a piece of Myungho’s roof in her lap, and their mom steals the level their dad insists on using every year. Even Kyungmin slowly starts hoarding the bags of colorful royal frosting one by one in the pocket of his hoodie before anyone can notice.

Wooyoung catches you attempting to eat his bag of gumdrops in his periphery. They're half gone by the time he’s noticed but he simply laughs under his breath. What you don't know is that those are your gumdrops and his are stashed under the table.

The little sugar addict is nothing if not predictable.

Most of the houses are beginning to take shape, albeit much more loose definitions of whatever each person decided to do. Kyungmin’s house is poop green with a red roof, streaks of color patchy against the brown cookie sheets. His mom sticks with the traditional decorations instructed on the packaging, no doubt prepared to argue it somehow fits the theme despite being the same every year. Mia’s is laced garishly with pink and pastels, while Myungho crumbles pieces of his for whatever godforsaken reason.

Wooyoung focuses on decorating his tiny gingerbread man with black slashes and stripes.

“Time!” yells Bibi as she whacks the bottom of a pot with a wooden spoon, everyone drops their last piece of candy before hands fly up.

As always, his mom manages to be the only one to finish due to years of practice. Everyone else’s houses are… interesting, loose interpretations of houses.

“Mine’s the Grinch,” Kyungmin says.

“The Grinch?” you ask. The horrendous green and red abomination resembles nothing Wooyoung has ever seen before.

“See, you get it!”

Shaking your head, you point at the monstrosity sitting in front of you. “Okay, so the yellow skittles are the yellow brick road and the green on the house is meant to look like the Emerald City from Wizard of Oz.”

Perhaps… if the Emerald City burned to the ground and became ruins but everyone nods at the vision.

“Mine is supposed to be Barbie's Dream house.” says Mia, gesturing to the mound of pink frosting sliding from the roof.

Myungho slams a toy dinosaur from their childhood on top of his pile of cookie pieces before declaring, “Jurassic Park.”

“Home Alone,” his mom chimes. A chorus of groans around the table answer.

His dad’s is covered in chocolate bars and marshmallows. It looks decent but Wooyoung doesn’t get it until he tells them it’s Willy Wonka.

Nodding in appreciation, Wooyoung presents his. “Nightmare Before Christmas.”

The gray and black icing swirl to make a ugly blob, but Wooyoung will argue it’s exactly what he was going for. Especially with his miniscule Jack Skellington perched in the yard. Bibi circles the table, ooh-ing and ahh-ing at each entry. She shakes her head at Kyungmin, clearly disappointed in his failure this year. Doesn’t even pretend Wooyoung has a shot.

“Eunkyung wins!” She cheers, raising his mom’s hand like she won a boxing match. Claps and whoops fill the kitchen as she beams, proud to win a second time in the history of the competition dating back to his earliest memories.

“Wooyoung, put the winning house on the mantel please,” his dad asks, already moving towards the pantry for trash bags.

“Your majesty.” Wooyoung bows in front of his mom, laughing when she slaps his shoulder.

What he fails to realize is your leaving through the same door he is, and that a menacing sprig of green leaves sit just above in wait.

“Mistletoe!” his mom squeals.

“Huh?” you grunt.

Wooyoung looks up and spots the infuriating piece of decoration, another pair of eyes trailing after his own.

If you were still dating, Wooyoung would swoop you into his arms and make an entire production of giving you a short peck on the cheek – his parents were watching after all – while you laughed at his ridiculousness. But now he hesitates as he looks into your eyes, barely missing the nod as you leave a brief kiss on his lips before turning and leaving the room.

Even under the passing contact, Wooyoung’s lips feel like they’ve been zapped with lightning; his entire body on high alert. So lost in his own world, Wooyoung doesn’t realize you’ve walked away until you’re turning a corner and are out of sight.

Remembering the gingerbread house still in his hand, Wooyoung continues into the living room to place it front and center on the mantel like nothing happened.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! you think, watching yourself in the mirror as you brush your teeth.

One stupid, G-rated kiss and you act like a bumbling teenager. Wooyoung’s morning wood was pressed against you twelve hours ago and you can’t handle a peck.

What was wrong with you?

It was like the butterflies of the beginning of your relationship were waking from dormancy, demanding to let loose in your chest. All those tightly stashed feelings you swore would never have a home in your heart settling back in like they never left. Honestly, they hadn’t. Six months was nothing compared to eight years together.

But none of this is real. Wooyoung only reached out so Bibi wouldn’t be upset over a last-minute cancellation. He didn’t ask to explain why he ended your relationship so suddenly. Didn’t try to weasel his way back in and kiss everything better. He didn’t give any answers to the questions you were dying to ask. All the touching and joking you’d missed so much were nothing more than an elaborate plan for Wooyoung to not be seen as the bad guy by his family. His way of delaying the inevitable. And you’d fallen right into the mess subconsciously hoping it might have meant something more.

Toothpaste splashes against the porcelain sink as you finish washing up. Hiding in the bathroom can only buy you so much time before you have to face Wooyoung again, a new feast of tension waiting for you on a silver platter. He stayed quiet after the mistletoe. Not that you had much to say yourself.

When you return to his tiny room, it’s notably empty. Wooyoung nowhere to be seen as you burrow into the blankets alone. Hopefully, he stays away until you're fully unconscious and able to avoid the entire ordeal.

A draft of frigid air invading the warm haze under your mountain of quilts wakes you. Wooyoung shushes your indignant protest, pulling the top layers off. His weight doesn’t dip the bed behind you. Instead, you listen as he shuffles around, the dull thud of pillows and blankets hitting the floor. When he quiets, you turn to see him curled into a ball on a makeshift sleeping matt next to the bed.

The questions burn on the tip of your tongue. Why is he sleeping on the floor? Was he that upset about the kiss? Or was it this morning? But you don’t ask and Wooyoung doesn’t provide an answer.

Christmas Eve is Wooyoung’s favorite part of the holidays. Not even a poor night's sleep on the freezing, unforgiving floor can dull his excitement. He woke early, sneaky out of the room the second the sun peaked from the horizon and illuminated the space while you slept soundly.

Part of the reason he slept on the floor is the knowledge that if he woke up with you pressed against him again, he’d agree to whatever you wanted from him. He was too selfish to say no a second time.

A fresh powder of snow fell sometime in the night. So, with a hot cup of coffee and a need to get lost in something mindlessly physical, Wooyoung heads to the garage for a shovel to clear the sidewalk and driveway.

Wooyoung knows he should apologize. You’d basically avoided him after the mistletoe, scurrying upstairs the second it was polite to do so. Technically, you kissed him. But the entire situation wouldn’t exist if he didn’t put his foot in his mouth. Plus, the entire ordeal of yesterday morning couldn’t be ignored. And Wooyoung was ashamed he didn’t feel ashamed about it.

Mind numb in the cold monotony of moving slush from the concrete to the yard, muscles burning at the strain, Wooyoung loses track of time as the sun moves across the sky. His dad finds him shoveling the end of the driveway, pants soaked and breath heaving.

“You okay, kid?” the older man asks, sipping his thermos.

“Fine,” Wooyoung pants. “Why?”

“Because you’re out here.”

“Just helping out.”

“Wooyoung.” A sharp sternness to his tone as his dad’s gloved hands halt the shovel.

He hates that voice. Wooyoung’s dad was soft spoken and good natured, the quietest member of their boisterous family. Always gentle with three rowdy sons that constantly pushed the endless bounds of his patience. Wooyoung can count on one hand the times his dad used this voice on him. Apparently, now is one of those times.

Wooyoung looks his dad in the eye before lying to his face, “I’m fine. Really.”

Eying his son skeptically, Wooyoung’s dad clearly doesn’t believe him. “Alright,” he drawls. “But come inside, your mom made pancakes.”

“Come on Kyungmin, we don’t want to be late!” Bibi calls from the hallway.

In front of you, Kyungmin blanches; terrified of another day surrounded by prodding grandmothers. He pleads you for help, but you can only offer a sympathetic smile and a shrug of shoulders. If only he knew how much torture you were being subjected to in the name of keeping Bibi happy.

Wooyoung had been scarce since the early hours of the morning, slaving away at clearing the driveway alone. He made a brief appearance at breakfast and lunch but found any excuse to stay faraway from whatever room you planted yourself in.

Taking the hint, you set up camp in the kitchen. Laptop screen reflecting off your blue-light glasses as you skimmed another journal article about forced oscillation technique and impulse oscillometry. Fascinating as it was to you, it’s just boring enough to anyone else to keep them away; allowing you to waste away the entire afternoon in the most productive way possible.

The sun is already setting by the time others begin to trickle into the kitchen. Mia begins filling snack trays for the trademark movie night; half sweet, half savory. While Myungho sets to work on a batch of mulled cider they picked up at the market on the way home. The house is peaceful as everyone works in quiet content.

Until Kyungmin stomps into the kitchen with a fuming Bibi hot on his heels.

“They’re nice girls, Kyungmin. There was no need to be rude!”

Your wide eyes meet Mia's twin expressions of shock. Kyungmin was a sweet kid; he had an attitude sometimes, but he was a teenager. It’d be weird if he didn’t have one. But to hear he’s been out right rude, and in front of Bibi no less, comes as a surprise.

“You’re crazy!” Kyungmin yells, arms waving wildly before he flees to his room.

The sudden silence of the kitchen is rattling. No one moves or speaks as Bibi starts organizing random objects and mail on the counter, clearly uncomfortable with her grandson’s outburst.

Slipping from your chair, you turn to follow in the direction you know he’s bound for.

Winter in Colorado is brutal enough, but the wind slicing across your cheeks as you teeter out a tiny window onto the roof at the back of the house makes you regret wearing only a sweatshirt and matching sweatpants.

Kyungmin’s lone figure is illuminated in the silver moonlight. A telltale stench fills your nostrils despite the thick smoke evaporating in the wind the second it leaves his mouth. Waddling towards him on your butt, you stop next to him. He passes the glass bowl into your waiting hand without a peep.

You take a long hit before speaking, allowing the tingle of THC to flutter through your veins. It's been months since you let loose, too tired from the hospital. But in the quiet cold, the fuzziness bubbling in your veins is exactly what you need.

“Wanna talk about it?” You ask, cradling your knees to your chest in an effort to conserve warmth.

“No.”

“Okay.”

The thick woods fencing in the backyard bends in the wind. Pine trees shake the fronds like feathers, fluffing up as the wind flutters by. A lone swing, attached to a rickety playground set, swings back and forth. It’s beautiful and eerie. Only your breath and the occasional cough from Kyungmin disturbs the fragile place.

“I can’t wait to go to college,” Kyungmin mutters from under his hood.

“Have you heard from anywhere yet?”

He takes another hit, coughing twice before answering slowly. “No. But I don’t care where I go as long as I’m not here.”

“Was it that bad?”

“She’s crazy! All of them in that fucking church are insane!”

“Wooyoung told me the same thing,” you chuckle.

Wooyoung spent all his high school years and college breaks as Bibi’s helper; coincidentally meeting some long friend’s granddaughter each time. It all stopped when you came around.

Kyungmin goes to light the bowl again and you snatch it from his hands, some big sister instinct taking over. He lets you and flops back into the snow covered roof. “They just stare at me. It’s creepy.”

“Yeah, that sounds pretty creepy.”

“And Andi just laughs whenever I try to tell her about it.”

“Who’s Andi?”

“A friend.” Kyungmin’s tense response tells you Andi isn’t just a friend at all. He staunchly ignores your raised brow.

“What's she like?”

“She’s nice. She’s in my history class at school,” he admits. “And she got a scholarship to play soccer in Georgia.”

“That’s cool,” you nod. “So you like her?”

Kyungmin flounders for a second, caught red handed. “I mean, of course I do. She’s my best friend.”

If your eyes rolled any harder, they’d pop out of your skull and launch off the roof. “Kyungmin…”

“It doesn’t matter. She’s so out of my league,” he sighs.

He sounds a lot like Wooyoung. Back when you first started dating and he learned you were applying for med school, there was an air of unworthiness that rolled off him. Wooyoung never explicitly told you he felt that way about himself but he didn’t need to.

“Why do you think that?”

“She’s smart, and she’s athletic, and she’s funny. She wouldn’t see me like that.”

“Okay.” You nod. “Well, when Bibi started pimping you out at church, what did Andi do?”

“She got really mad when I went on a date with one of them.”

“Oh, really?”

“She didn’t talk to me for like two weeks. I thought she was just, like, on her period or something.”

Shaking your head, you turn to face the ignorant boy. “Alright, first things first. Never, under any circumstances, assume a girl is mad at you because she’s on her period. Ask your brothers or your dad how that's worked out for them. Second, how would you feel if Andi went on a date with someone?”

Face twisting in disgust, Kyungmin grabs the piece again to take a hit. You let him this time.

“Exactly. Maybe you should ask her on a date.”

Kyungmin snorts at the idea, “Yeah, sure.”

“Party out here?” Myungho calls from the window.

Turning, you spot Wooyoung and Mia peaking around his broad shoulders. “Yeah, but it’s B.Y.O.W.”

“Perfect,” he responds, folding in half to climb out the window.

“Just think about what I said, okay?”

“Okay.” Kyungmin promises as he links his pinky with yours.

Mia and Myungho land on Kyungmin’s other side, a joint visible in Mia’s dainty fingers. Wooyoung plops down next to you, lifting the bowl from Kyungmin and dumping the ash on to the roof.

As he focuses on packing it, you get your first glimpse of him all day. The tip of his nose is red and he keeps sniffling, no doubt from the hours he spent outside or in the garage doing who knows what, hair a mess of tangles, sticking this way and that in the wind and you choke on the urge to straighten it for him. You’ve never been good at staying mad at him, even when he’s clearly in the wrong. And what’s worse is Wooyoung knows it.

Wisps of smoke pour from his nostrils before he passes you the bowl again. Shaking your head, Kyungmin plucks it from his brother’s fingers.

Wooyoung’s breath caresses the shell of your ear before he speaks. “What are you guys doing out here?”

You resist the urge to shiver for an entirely new reason.“Bibi.”

Wooyoung nods lazily, eyes glazed already. Landing on his back, he looks up to the sky.

The pale light sharpens his features. Strange how all three brothers looked so similar yet different. Kyungmin still had the round cheeks of adolescents, limbs gangly as he towers over his brothers at only seventeen. Myungho was broader than both but only a fraction taller than Wooyoung, square jaw and cropped hair. But Wooyoung was all angles and sharpness. Even from the first night he approached you in that dingy karaoke bar near campus, you knew he was handsome. But now he looks ethereal. Like some beautiful demon coming to take your soul and laugh all the while.

Eventually you all end up shoulder to shoulder, each lost and thought and staring at the lonely full moon above. Wooyoung’s hand brushes your own, sending throbbing jolts of electricity through your body. One of your fingers slips around his, hooking them together briefly. Wooyoung doesn’t squeeze back but he doesn’t move away either.

It somehow hurts worse than if he would have let go.

Exhaustion and pot nearly knock Wooyoung out as he passes his bedroom door. An early night, lost in the land of dreams where he doesn’t have to think about why he can’t look you in the eye; why he felt a punch in the gut when he spotted you on the roof with his little brother, taking care of him like Kyungmin was your own family; how he wanted to cry when your fingers circled his own.

Wooyoung’s attempt to uncomplicate his life only seemed to tighten the noose around his neck.

Jung family tradition dictates a Christmas movie with gross amounts of sugary snacks on Christmas Eve. The tradition started before Wooyoung could remember but it’d been his favorite all the same. What little kid didn’t cherish the opportunity to wake up to Santa dropping presents under the tree? Not that he or his brothers managed to stay awake more than half way through whatever movie his parents pulled from the dusty DVD collection on the bookshelf. But as he grew older, Wooyoung appreciated the uninterrupted time he was gifted to spend with his family, especially with each of them living in separate corners of the country.

The new set of matching pajamas every year were simply a bonus.

This year’s boast a deep green with a vintage Christmas light pattern. The inner flannel is positively delightful against Wooyoung’s freezing skin, lulling him into a light doze as leans against the couch between your spread legs.

Kyungmin sprawls in his usual place on the rug in front of the coffee table, glazed eyes glued to Will Ferell terrorizing New York City in yellow tights. Mia and Myungho are off on the other side of the couch, Bibi taking the middle seat. His parents are snug in his dad’s recliner, resembling two teenagers rather than the fifty year olds they really are. Adorably disgusting how in love they still are.

He doesn’t think twice about dropping a kiss against your knee until you stiffen. Idiot. Every time he swore he was going to be better, his body acted on autopilot. Falling into old habits and thoughts like they were second nature.

Resting his cheek against your thigh, Wooyoung twists his hands in his lap. He can’t touch you anymore. Not sober and absolutely not high out of his mind like he is at this very moment. Because if he starts, he’s too weak to stop himself.

Considering the way you keep staring at him every time you think he isn’t looking, Wooyoung doesn’t think you would want him to stop either.

Bedtime is the same awkward dance as before. His entire family pulls each other into tight hugs, mostly aided by the edibles Myungho slipped them before they all descended downstairs. Calls of “Love you,” and “see you in the morning,” land against his back as he trails behind you up the stairs. You both get ready in the dark, flashes of bare skin visible in the light trickling in from the cracked curtains covering the lonely window. Turning to face the wall, Wooyoung plugs in his phone while he listens for you to land on the mattress.

When the shuffling ceases, he finds you in a nest of pillows and blankets on the floor, back towards him.

“What are you doing?”

“You took the floor last night,” you explain.

“You don’t hav–”

“Just go to bed.”

“You’re not sleeping on the floor,” he huffs, temper rising as he crosses to the other side of the mattress.

“I’m fine.”

“Just take the bed.”

“No,” you protest.

“Why not?”

Sitting up, Wooyoung barely makes out your scowl. “Why do I need to explain everything to you?”

“Why are you being so stubborn?”

“I’m stubborn? Me?”

“Considering you’re the one on the floor while the bed is empty, yes, you’re the stubborn one.”

“Because I’m fine here!”

Wooyoung wades through the quicksand of his brain for a response. Upon finding none, he flops on the pile of blankets next to you.

“What are you doing?”

“Sleeping. Now, shut up.”

No more energy to fight, Wooyoung burrows deeper into the mound of quilts; set to sleep on the floor if you continue to refuse the bed. If he was a diva on poor sleep, you were a menace. You’d cave eventually when your hips ached from the painful stiffness of the unbending wood.

Except Wooyoung can’t sleep. All of his nerves are heightened next to you. His entire left side burns in your heat, acutely aware of every shift of weight or rustle of the blankets. Wooyoung’s lips still burn from the kiss. A childish brush against his mouth but he can’t stop replaying it in his mind over and over. And when he thinks about yesterday morning, when he dreamed about her and then woke up flushed against her, when he jacked off to old memories and then ending up tangled with you half naked on the same floor he now laid, it all makes his blood rush to his head and a weight settles on the back of his tongue.

It’s freezing. That’s the excuse he tells himself as to why you snuggle closer, leg splayed across his hip and face buried in his neck. It’s reflex, is what he tells himself when he presses his lips to your hairline and you grab a fistful of his shirt.

He doesn’t have an explanation when you slide over him, taking a seat in his lap. He doesn’t need an explanation either once you kiss him, closed mouth and gentle. Wooyoung quietly accepts every touch you bestow. Hands strictly at his sides, he refuses to initiate anything more. It’s all up to you. He wants to give you whatever you want without even considering himself.

His brain floods with a fuzzy feeling as your fingers itch up his chest. Under his shirt, you sluggishly trace the lines of his stomach. There is only one way this ends because he cannot let you touch him any more or he’ll ruin everything.

“Wooyoung?” you ask, nose to nose when he pulls your hands out of his clothing and holds them between your bodies.

Twisting until you lay side by side, Wooyoung lets himself be a little more selfish as he gently sucks your bottom lip between his own. He finds the strength to pull away when you deepen it. He won’t be selfish.

You both fall asleep with tangled limbs, Wooyoung’s nose buried in your hair and your lips against his neck.

Christmas morning brings Bibi through the upstairs hallway with a familiar wooden spoon and small tin pot. You hear the first crash slice through the door, an ice bath to your system.

You’re still curled tightly against Wooyoung’s chest.

On the floor.

“Get up,” Wooyoung shakes you, not wasting a second as he stands to dive into the still made bed.

You groan in the morning light, burrowing back down into the still warm pillow.

Another shrill beat sings through the hall, much closer to Wooyoung’s door than last time.

“Shit!”

You tackle him into the mattress, forehead to chin and an elbow in his stomach. Attempting to look natural as the door rebounds against the wall, a well rested Bibi stands in the doorway.

“RISE AND SHINE!” his grandmother wails, drumming a rhythmless beat and she turns to stalk towards Kyungmin’s room at the end of the hall.

Your position against his body, legs bent awkwardly, covers lopsided, only last as long as Bibi is there to witness. You stumble over the memories that remind you too much of the time she waltzed in two Christmases ago, you and Wooyoung scrambling to hide exactly what was happening beneath the sheets.

Now, the only thing you’re rushing to make it look like that was exactly what you were doing. The smallest trickle of relief slips in at the fact he brushed you off last night. The consequences of trying to hook up with your pretend boyfriend are clearer in the harsh daylight.

You rise and stalk to the bathroom without looking back, a handful of clothes in tow to avoid the same debacle as yesterday.

You feel a little pathetic settling for meaningless touches. All you want is to pretend a little harder, let your mind believe Wooyoung still loves you, still wants you. Not just to avoid awkwardness with his family but because he knew he made a mistake and just needed the courage to admit it.

That wasn’t going to happen. He was content with his choices, so you have to be too.

Wooyoung is already downstairs when you descend the stairs. There's a mug waiting for you on the coffee table, perfectly sweet and milky. It doesn’t mean anything.

Mrs. Jung’s victory grants her the privilege of opening the first present this morning. Everyone gathers around, matching states of messy hair and bed-wraggled pajamas, to shred shiny wrapping paper at ten in the morning.

Her first gift is the large rectangle box addressed from her sons, all of them failing to stifle their matching laughter as she slowly unwraps the picture frame. You and Mia had helped arrange the picture last time everyone was together for Bibi’s birthday, sneaking out of the house with the excuse of seeing a movie when you drove to the mall for an old school photoshoot at the department store.

Wooyoung’s parents join in the giggling bouncing of the walls as they take in all three boys dressed head to toe in denim, arms wrapped around on another’s waists prom-date style as they stare dead faced at the camera. The cherry on top is their matching bowl cuts, making them resemble a nineties boy band. Another frame slips out of the paper, a similar photo of you and Mia except her chin rests on top of your head, eyes obscured by yellow tinted sunglasses.

“Oh my god,” Mrs. Jung guffaws. “You all are ridiculous.”

Passing the frames around the room, Mrs. Jung takes turns hugging her sons along with you and Mia.

“Oh, my girls. Thank you for putting up with them,” she whispers into your ears, Mia on her left and you on her right.

You refuse to think about how tomorrow you’ll leave their house for the last time as you squeeze her back tightly.

As the youngest, Kyungmin is charged with passing out rounds of presents while Mr. Jung collects the discarded ribbons and paper. Thankfully, bringing a gift for Wooyoung wasn’t an expectation. Why sacrifice sacred luggage space to exchange gifts with someone who lives in your backyard? Mia and Myungho never brought their gifts for one another, and you and Wooyoung followed suit.

But that didn’t stop you from braving the horrors of Midtown in an effort to last minute Christmas shopping before flying out. Bibi loves the fancy lotion you brought her, and Kyungmin is more than satisfied with the promise of whatever new video he can afford with a Playstation gift card. Wooyoung’s parents leaf through the books you bought in a last ditch effort to provide some sort of parting gift. Myungho screams as he unwraps the mug with “IBS: I be shitting” blasted across the front and Mia opens each tin of specialty tea for a whiff of the herbal scents.

Hours later, surrounded in the disarray of boxes and bows, Mrs. Jung announces it’s time for brunch. Everyone takes turns washing up or teetering upstairs to brush their teeth but she pulls you aside before you have a chance to follow.

“Y/N, we have one last gift for you,” she says, removing a small box from behind her back. “I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone just in case but I want you to know how much we all love you.”

You pull out a cardboard box and a thick card.

“To my future Daughter in Law,

There isn’t a single day I don’t thank the stars for how lucky my son is to find someone as incredible as you. He’s a better person because of you and our family is so blessed to have you in it. I was lucky enough to be given three amazing sons but now I’m fortunate enough to have two daughters as well.

Love, Mrs. Jung”

Each word is a new punch to the gut, tears swelling in the corner of tight eyes. Focusing on opening the box in an effort not to break down in the hallway, you unveil a simple silver chain with a knotted pendant. The same you’ve seen Mia and Mrs. Jung wear on special occasions.

“I can’t—”

“Nope. I won’t hear a word of it! It’s family tradition. Bibi gave me mine, and now I get to give you yours.”

“No, I really—”

But Wooyoung’s mom is a force to be reckoned with. Removing the delicate piece of jewelry out of the box, she slips it around your neck and straightens it before you can stop her. When she’s happy, you fall into her arms in a fierce hug as you weep into her shoulder.

“Oh sweetie,” she coos, clearly thinking you're overcome with emotion at officially being a part of the family.

You don’t correct her. Why ruin such a heartfelt moment by shattering the illusion now that you're so close to the end? Instead, you take comfort in her embrace, willing the tears to stop with the same principle you use in the hospital: save the crying for the shower.

Stepping out of the hug, you allow her to wipe away the trails of tears staining your cheeks with gentle swipes of her thumbs, a soft smile at her tutting over you. Mrs. Jung pulls you into one last bear hug before pushing you upstairs to compose yourself. Wooyoung stares as you pass him on the stairs, evidently alarmed at the evidence of your crying. But you keep your eyes down as you trudge by.

Wooyoung can’t help but worry at what happened between presents and breakfast to make you so upset but his mom keeps squeezing your shoulder and Bibi just smiles knowingly in your direction. The new necklace circling your neck is familiar but Wooyoung can’t place why and he hasn’t had the opportunity to ask.

Maybe it had nothing to do with the necklace. Maybe it’s because you’re finally free of this entire ordeal tomorrow and never have to see him again.

Crowding into the living room as the sun sets, he doesn’t miss the way Mia intertwines you into a fierce squeeze, practically bouncing off the walls with giddiness. He doesn’t have time to ask what it’s about before another movie is starting on the TV to wind down for the evening.

He can feel the tension rolling off you in waves. Muscles locked and leg jittering the same way it did before taking your MCAT or opening exam results. When the screen fades to black, you bolt up the stairs and out of sit before he can blink.

Following, Wooyoung finds you perched on the edge of his bed, fingers stroking the pendant resting between your collarbones. Shut in the quiet of his room, Wooyoung asks the question that’s buzzed in his head all day.

“What’s the necklace about?”

“Your mom gave it to me.”

“I thought so.” He nods. “But why was everyone acting weird about it?”

Rather than answer, you hand him a note. Wooyoung recognizes the tight cursive of his mom’s handwriting. Regret trickles down his spine and bubbles over with each word. He’d never meant to be cruel when he asked you to come here but then again he didn’t think about how hard this must have been. To secretly say goodbye to his family and the relationship you had with each of them after already working through it on your own. He should have known you bottled it all up, the same way he was prone to.

“I didn’t realize she’d—”

“Why did you break up with me?” you ask, still staring at the floor.

Regret transforms into the shame that’s eaten him alive for months. Wooyoung’s mouth won’t form the truth for what he did so he lies.

“I don’t know.”

“Bullshit!” you bite, glazed eyes blazing as you rounds on him. “Eight years. We dated for eight years and you think you can tell me you don’t know why?”

“We dated for eight years and you didn’t even say anything when I did it! You just left.”

“Oh, I’m sorry! What was I supposed to do? Beg you to stay?”

“You just gave up.”

“No, you gave up!” your voice cracks, finger pointing accusingly. “I didn’t even know we were having problems.”

“Boston was always a problem!”

“Which I was already planning to fix.”

Wooyoung recoils from the invisible smack against his face. “What?”

“That night I was trying to tell you I got a job in the city. That I was moving back.”

“You’re joking.”

Shoulder sagging under the weight of the mess, you fall back onto the bed. “It was gonna be my last weekend trip down.”

Sniffles and desperate breaths fill the space. He can’t breathe. He can’t think.

“I was planning to propose.” He can see your head turn in his peripheral, but he’ll lose the gaul if he has to look you in the eyes and admit he’s a coward, so Wooyoung stares at the wall ahead. “I had the ring for a year. And I was gonna ask you but I…” he trails off.

“You what?”

It’s painful to swallow the knot of embarrassment in his throat but you deserve the truth. He owes you a lot more but all he can do is give you an explanation for why he blew up both your lives. “I got scared.”

“Of me?”

“Of everything,” he admits. The crushing weight resting on his shoulders lightens a little at the confession. It feels good. So he keeps talking. “I thought of how much we’d have to change, and I didn’t want you to feel like you had to give anything up to be with me.”

“Wooyoung, I never felt like that,” you objects, cupping his face and forcing him to look at you; at the tears he’s responsible for. “I hated Boston. Do you think I was moving back to the city for you?”

“Kind of, I—”

“I have my own life there. I lived there for seven years! I was always planning to move back,” you say quickly. “Why do you think you get to make decisions about my life like you know better than I do?”

Panic sets in. “Then why were you being so secretive about it?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise. I knew you’d been stressed about something but you never wanted to talk about it so I didn’t want to add something else to your plate and… because I was worried if I brought it up too soon something would go wrong.”

An awkward silence unfurls, so thick he could choke on it.

“I still have it by the way,” he finally says.

Surprise flashes across your face as you stare at him. “Have what?”

“The ring.”

You blink through fresh tears and something in him breaks. Cracks into a thousand pieces he’s forced to hold together because this is all his fault. “Why?”

“I think…” Wooyoung sniffs back his own cries. “I think some part of me feels like if I let it go then it’s really over.”

“Are you trying to tell me you want to get back together?”

“I didn’t want to break up to begin with.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

“Because I’m not good enough for you! I’ve never been good enough and I know you say it's not true but it is. I’m a public school teacher with shit pay and an apartment I can barely afford. That’s all I can offer you and it isn’t close enough to what you deserve.”

“Do you think I’m that shallow?” You fume, clearly not understanding what Wooyoung meant. “Why do you think you get to decide what's good enough for me?”

“Because someone has too! One day you’re gonna wake up and realize you can have anyone you want.”

“Not anyone.”

The suffocating atmosphere of Wooyoung’s room pushes you into the chilly shower stall. In the steam and perfumed bubbles, you quietly let all the emotions of the day run wild; eyes puffy, face swollen, and snot dripping from your nose to be washed away by the boiling streams of water. You hide for as long as possible, shivering as the heated water runs out and frigid ropes blast your skin. Unable to endure anymore of the stinging icicles, you exit the stall red nosed and blue lipped.

Wooyoung sits on the edge of the bed with his back to the door. You watch his shoulder tense, rising closer to his ears as you pad closer to lay down.

You’re too tired to sleep on the floor, too exhausted to fight with him again. So you curl under the covers, body sliding back when Wooyoung joins you.

“I’m sorry.” he whispers, tracing his index finger along the knobs of your spine, attempting to comfort you the same way he always had.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.”

You both stay there in the silent darkness, their breaths and the hum of the heater keeping absolute stillness at bay. The tears you split in the shower followed you to the pillow, running down your cheeks as you try to keep the worst at bay. Wooyoung doesn’t stop tracing shapes between your shoulder blades, the worn cotton of your sleep shirt rubbing against your heated skin. How is the source of your distress the same as the source of your comfort?

Turning to face him, you realize how close he’s moved. Scant inches separate your chests, the heat of his legs licking your own bare ones under the blankets. You spot his own tears, eyes swollen and red, thick lashes clumped together as they fall.

If your love for Wooyoung was an ocean, you’d be lost at sea for years.

He watches you watch him, hands finding one anothers and tangling together. When Wooyoung opens his mouth, pausing as a sniffle breaks free, you surge up to connect your lips.

Startling for only a second, he eagerly kisses you back. Tears and spit gloss your lips as you dip your tongue into his mouth, licking against his teeth before retreating to bruise his lower lip with your own. Wooyoung manages to roll on top of you, pinning you to the mattress as if you plan to up and leave at any second. You respond by crushing your lips together a fraction harder, attempting to communicate the longing and hurt words can’t convey.

The hem of his shirt finds its way between your fingers, moving further up his stomach with each insistent tug. Wooyoung’s own hands busy themselves, one buried in the hairs at the base of your scalp, cradling your head to move you this way and that as he continues exploring your mouth. The other wrinkles the pillow case beside you, muscles rippling as he holds himself over you.

When you wiggle your hips, thighs spreading to cradle him between, he dives to your neck. Blood rushes to the surface as he nips and bruises the delicate skin below your jaw, scorching pants raising goosebumps in its wake. He shudders when your nails scratch down his abdomen, thumb dipping under the band of his pajama pants.

It's been nearly eight months without this. Two months before your breakup, in this very bed while the rest of the house was asleep as Wooyoung laughed into your neck while you drunkenly whined for him to touch you. As familiar as those memories are, this time is entirely new.

Wooyoung’s thumb, knowing and skilled, brushes across one of your nipples over your shirt, using the rough fabric to his advantage; stiffing it to a tight peak before allowing the weight to settle in his palm. Arching your back, you remove the piece of cloth separating you. Wooyoung barely allows you space to slough it over your head before he’s back on you, latching to the side of your neglected breast as he curls his hips into yours coursley. Your body reacts on nothing but instinct; back arching closer, thighs spreading wider as his knees carry him further down the mattress.

Reverent caresses of his hands lead him to the apex of your thighs, his breath fanning the damp patch of your shorts just before Wooyoung tucks his thumbs into the elastic to nudge them down, breathing deeply as he bares you for his eyes.

A tentative lick up length of your slit pulls a pathetic whimper from the back of your mouth. The flat of his tongue lave against your engorged clit, slow and torturous as Wooyoung indulges in your taste. Rough palms slide beneath the meat of your thighs, lifting your legs to rest on his shoulders. A harsh suck against the bundle of nerves locks your muscles tightly around Wooyoung’s head but he takes it in stride as he drops a hand to slip his fingers inside your clenching hole. Curling the pads of his digits upwards, you feel him in your throat as you bite back moans. Your fingers twist in Wooyoung’s inky hair at the delicious torture, hips rocking into his eager mouth as he pants against you; refusing to separate from your drenched center.

When his unoccupied hand slips into your own, a death grip on your entertwined fingers, you fall apart. Your chapped lips nearly bleed from effort to remain quiet, writhing in Wooyoung’s hold as he continues to lap up everything you offer him.

A final suck against your clit has you scrambling to pull his mouth to your own, tasting yourself on his soaked cheeks and tongue.

“Please,” you whisper into his mouth.

Wooyoung responds by kissing you gently, the passion curling your toes while he fists his length before allowing the flared head to nudge your entrance.

Finally presses forward, fitting inside you as he always has, another tear burns down to your face. It all comes rushing forward, never ending waves rolling over you after you’ve been knocked down into the surf. Memories, good and bad, race through you at a breakneck speed. The tingling elation of the night Wooyoung asked you to be his girlfriend, the nerves of when you asked him to move in together during medical school. Sadness when you moved away for residency with the promise to come back. The numbing despair you felt the night you thought would be a turning point in your lives. The straw that breaks the camel's back is Wooyoung's admission that you’re too good for him. Choking your own pain down, you try to hone in on a spot on the ceiling in an effort to stay grounded.

Several seconds pass before Wooyoung notices the fresh bout of sobs, mistaking choked whimpers as whines of pleasure after such a long time apart. His nose traces the tendon of your neck as he cants his hips slowly, one hand still tangled in yours, the other pressing your knee up and around his waist to stretch deeper. When the dig of your nails into his shoulder turns from a sting to a cut, he leans back and realizes his mistake.

Eyes find one another through the distorted haze your sorrows create, his rounded with concern still glazed with evidence of his own tears. Staring at one another in a silence broken by sniffling and staccato breaths, a second set of tears mix with your own as he rests his forehead against yours. Locking your arms around Wooyoung’s broad shoulders and hooking your knees around his back, you try to seal him into your skin.

“I’m sorry.” he whispers, voice broken and cracked. “I’m so sorry. I–” he hiccups. “I didn’t–”

What he’s apologizing for is a mystery. Forcing you into this charade? Telling you he was planning to propose? Breaking up with you in the first place?

Perhaps it's all those things. Maybe it's none of them. Maybe it’s for some other secret he’s convinced himself to hide from you because he isn’t good enough; because he doesn’t trust you enough.

“I love you.” He whimpers into your hair, lips branding the words into your skin. It’s not enough. But for tonight, you’ll let it be.

“I love you, too.” you whisper back, straining to brush the tip of your nose against his own.

Tomorrow, you’ll fly back to the city and hide in your apartment and pretend to be okay. Dive so far into your work that you forget the way Wooyoung has ripped the healing wound on your heart open again.

Tonight, you’ll pretend the missing piece has finally been found and can stay forever.

Tensing your thighs, your locked ankles nudge at the dip of his spine to remind Wooyoung he’s still inside you. He hesitates for a moment but your lips silence his objections, just as eager to indulge in the fantasy as you are.

The pace is bruising, stomachs firmly pressed together as he reaches for the top of the bed frame to provide more leverage. Wooyoung’s back ripples and flexes as he pounds into you, the vibration of his weak moans tickling the sensitive pads of your fingers as they etch down his ribs.

Consumed by an overwhelming need to touch him everywhere, you cradle his face between your palms. Wooyoung flashes his eyes open, as if startled you’re still there, before leaning into one of them. Thumb tracing his lips, he drops a searing kiss to the crease of your knuckle. The tenderness burns the remaining oxygen out of the room.

His next word is so quiet your ears fail to detect them over the gentle slap of your bodies connecting or the squeak of the old bed frame. But Wooyoung’s said them against your skin enough times over the years for you to know the feel of his mouth forming around the sound.

You come with a muted whimper. So worn from tears, pleasure fizzles in your veins like the gentle ripple of the wind across a lake. Wooyoung marvels and shakes above you, swiping at the dampness on your cheeks before kissing them away with a hitch in his breath. But he is truly done for when you lean up and whisper his words back into his ear.

Wooyoung wakes to an empty bed, cold sheets, and the pillowcase squishing his cheek already damp from the tears he shed while sleeping.

A tedious drive to the airport grants Wooyoung ample time to stew in discontent, replaying the events of the past week over and over in his head.

Was he insane to think you wanted him too? All the moments he nearly forgot you two were barely more than strangers after months of silence, how every part of him still fit together so perfectly with you. Wooyoung knew he’d been a mess after the break up but the past week made him realize how lost he felt without you. Like the ocean without the moon to guide the tide; like he was missing half his heart. How many times had he opened his messages to text you something mundane from his day, just to close them and realize he’d ruined the best thing in his life in a second of weakness? And now having you next to him again, knowing he can’t fix what he did?

His mom turns off the radio. “When were you planning to tell us you two broke up?”

“Huh?”

“Wooyoung,” she sighs. “I know.”

“How… she told you?”

“Poor thing was crying the entire way to the airport. I told her I wouldn’t let her fly by herself if she was that upset until she explained.”

“What’d she say?”

“That you two broke up a few months ago but you didn’t want to disappoint us.”

“Did she say anything else?”

“You know Y/N, always keeps her cards close to her chest.” His mom looks at him from the corner of her eye. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“I made a mistake.”

“If you two weren’t happy then it wasn’t a mistake. Sometimes two people don’t fit together and it isn’t because you don’t love them.”

“But we were happy! She’s the one and I messed it up because I’m not good enough for her.”

“Where is that coming from?”

“I know you and dad wanted me to be an engineer like Myungho, okay? Even Kyungmin wants to be a lawyer! I’m the family disappointment. It only makes sense I’d disappoint her eventually.”

Wooyoung’s mom is notorious for going under the speed limit, waiting to turn even if the oncoming car is five hundred feet away, using her blinker religiously. Which is why Wooyoung thinks she’s having a seizure when she veers off the road and onto the shoulder like an F1 driver.

Throwing the car in park she levels him with a look so stern he feels like he’s a kid getting scolded again. “You are not a disappointment! To me or your father or anyone. You are my son, and I have always been proud of that. I’ve seen you teaching, the way those kids look up to you. You’re doing exactly what you were meant to. And if my worrying has made you feel that way then I am so sorry. All we’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”

Crossing his arms, Wooyoung flicks away the beads of moisture tracing down his chin. “You’re my mom, you have to say that.”

“I’m not Y/N’s mom but I talk about her the same way.” Another comparison where he doesn’t measure up no matter how you look at it.

“Yeah, well she’s a doctor, saving kids lives and all that.”

“You don’t think you do the same thing? Those kids come to school excited to learn because of you. Just because you’re not finding a cure for cancer doesn’t mean your job isn’t important. And Y/N isn’t disappointed with you either. She loves you, Wooyoung. Why don’t you let her decide what she wants?”

“Yeah, well I think it’s too late for that,” Wooyoung mumbles, eyes on the toes of his shoes.

“Maybe you should ask her if she thinks so.”

Rather than give into his impatience, Wooyoung stews on his mom’s advice. Each passing hour conveniences him more and more she’s wrong. Especially when San and Yeosang sit with him in their cramped living room, bottles of beer and empty takeout littering the coffee table.

“You’re pathetic,” Yeosang says.

“Fuck you,” Wooyoung responds. There’s no bite in it. He doesn’t disagree, he’s told himself the same thing over and over again.

San, red faced and tipsy, slaps the leather armrests of the chair before rising.“Fuck you! You broke up with her over nothing and instead of trying to get her back you have a fucking pity party? Grow a pair.”

“She doesn’t want me!”

“Did you ask her?”

“I don’t have to!”

“You’re an idiot,” Yeosang butts in.

Wooyoung knows his hesitation speaks for itself when Yoesang keeps talking.

“You can ask her to pretend you’re still dating but you can’t tell her you wanna get back together?”

“It’s not that easy!”

“Yes it is!” San argues. “You love her right? You care about her?” San doesn’t continue until Wooyoung nods. “Then she has a right to know.”

“What if she says no?”

“Then she says no. Cross that bridge when you get there. You’re already broken up, how much worse can it get?”

Surprisingly, Wooyoung agrees. He sits forward, looking at his roommates before asking. “So what do I do?”

When Wooyoung’s messages go unanswered and his calls fall into the abyss of your full voicemail box, pulls out Plan B. Unfortunately, Plan B has no moral or ethical oppositions to castrating him.

Lisa doesn’t even let him speak. “Go fuck yourself!”

“Lisa, please!” Wooyoung begs into the phone.

“No! Not once but twice I’ve had Y/N crying on my couch because of your dumbass. I’m not letting it happen again!”

“I need to talk to her. Please just help me!”

“What makes this time so different?”

“I—,” Wooyoung freezes. What does make this time different? Could he promise he’d never let whatever tiny trickle of self doubt plague his brain wouldn’t flare up again? No. He can’t.

He hears Lisa sigh on the other end of the phone, almost as if she’s disappointed. “Just leave her alone, Wooyoung.”

The line clicks dead.

Walking back into the kitchen from the worst call of his life, Wooyoung spots San’s downcast face while Yeosang watches him from the table; both clearly overhearing his exchange with your best friend. The vinyl tabletop shakes as Wooyoung drops his forehead down with a bang, groaning in frustration.

“She’s working at New York-Presbyterian.” Yeosang mentions, returning to munch on his bowl of cereal.

“What?”

Yeosang chews his next bite thoughtfully, like he isn’t sure he wants to share the information a second time. Wooyoung almost believes he hallucinated his friend speaking at all until Yeosang repeats himself.

“Y/N works at New York-Presbyterian.”

“How do you know that?”

Shrugging, Yeosang takes another bite and swallows before explaining. “She told me she got a job there when she was planning to move back.”

Wooyoung has Yeosang’s shirt in his hands in a flash, nose to nose with his lifelong friend. Never in his life has Wooyoung been so furious with the man before him. He wants to kick his ass.

“You knew this whole time?” He bites, his eyes so wide with anger the whites show.

San is at Wooyoung's back, winding his arms around his shoulders in an attempt to pull him off their other roommate.

“You knew all of this and you didn’t fucking tell me? You’re my friend!” Attempting to shake San off, Wooyoung keeps pressing forward.

Yeosang rises to his feet, hands wrapping around Wooyoung’s wrists and squeezing till the pain forces him to let go. “Yeah, and you’re acting like a real asshole right now!”

“Guys calm down!” San yells, managing to pull Wooyoung back now that he’s no longer attached to Yeosang’s shirt.

“Why didn't you say something?”

“You ended an eight-year relationship out of the blue, I wasn’t about to let you get back with her just because you decided being single wasn’t your thing anymore.”

The words slap Wooyoung in the face. Even his own friends don’t trust him not to hurt you anymore. “I’m not— I wouldn’t…”

“Come on, Woo. All you could talk about was how excited you were to ask her to marry you and then you come home and tell us you broke up with her. She’s my friend too and I don’t want to see her hurt.”

“So why are you telling me now?”

“Because you were desperate enough to call Lisa. If you fuck up again she’ll actually kill you.”

“And we’ll help,” San adds.

Wooyoung isn’t going to mess up again, not if he can help it. And if he does, he’ll walk straight into the river before anyone can force him. But for now, he focuses on getting you to listen to his apology.

Chief complaint: Father reports patient’s fever and cough have become more severe since previous visit. Reports child is refusing solids but drinking well and taking soft foods such as apple sauce. Sleeping okay.

One of the residents pops her head into your office, “Dr. Y/L/N you have a delivery at the reception desk.”

“Thank you!” you call, not missing a beat as you continue your notes.

Plan: Amoxicillin prescribed, five day follow up with p.r.n. at PCP.

Finishing your chart, you rise and head out towards the receptionist desk. A familiar bouquet of blush pink tulips greet you, a silk white ribbon knotted around the dip of the crystal vase. A small envelope is tucked into the spread, sending a terrified jolt through your system.

“I wish I had someone send me flowers as pretty as this!” Jessica sighs, eying the arrangement enviously.

“Yeah,” you laugh, unable to muster an ounce of false humor. You snatch the bouquet before turning back the direction you came.

Once back into the safety of your office, door shut and blinds drawn, you open the note.

If you don’t want to see me ever again, I’ll let you go. But I can't say enough how every time I ever put my arms around you I felt that I was home. I’ll be waiting at our spot on Saturday. As long as it takes. – W

You don’t realize you’re crying until the ink of the note begins to bleed.

Wooyoung is the first customer to enter the cozy coffee shop overlooking the southeast entrance of Tompkins Square Park at nine a.m., claiming the tiny wobbly table off in the corner that provides the perfect view of the door. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. It feels wrong to scroll through his phone as he waits so he snags one of the artsy newspapers sitting on the counter while the surly barista prepares his order.

After an hour, adrenalin maintains the pleasant buzz through Wooyoung’s system, fueled further by espresso on an empty stomach and jittering nerves. Each chime of the bell over the door results in awkward eye contact with a stranger that certainly isn’t his ex-girlfriend. Unless you shrunk, or grew two feet, or suddenly had a beard.

After three hours, his butt is numb and Wooyoung’s abandoned the newspaper he’s nearly memorized. The Times mini crossword archive isn’t as extensive as he thought.

After six hours, he’s had enough coffee to power a jet plane and his leg twitches aggressively beneath the table. He’s started people watching through the window, making up stories for passersby entering the park and crossing the street. Half his heart hopes they’re happier than he is, the other half hopes he’s not alone in his misery.

When he’s been at the shop for eleven and a half hours, burned through every source of distraction possible and can describe in vivid detail the features outside the glass wall that separate the inside of the cafe from the sidewalk, Wooyoung accepts that you aren’t coming.

He stays till close, every minute that ticks on a drop in the bucket of regret in his heart. The barista starts stacking chairs, passive aggressively swiping the frayed broom in a ring around his table, so Wooyoung does the sensible thing and waits outside.

The bitter wind wafting through the city finds home in his bones despite his thermals and padded parka. Wooyoung desperately clings to the last tiny drop of hope. Shaking from the chill and overindulgence in caffeine he watches as the clock hits nine.

You aren’t coming.

You don’t want him back.

And he has to accept that it’s his fault.

Wooyoung watches a couple laugh in each other's embrace across the street, clambering over one another in amused content. There was time that would have been you and him, high from the intoxicating joy of one another’s presence and the city lights in the winter. Fingers interlocked while trapezing through crowds, ignoring every other soul in favor of focusing on each other.

Eyes stinging, he turns to head for the train station but nearly shouts as spots the woman in question ten paces away.

Your hair is a mess, nose and cheeks blushing from the cold, breath obscuring your face as it fogs in the cool air. But you’re here, looking every bit unsure as he feels.

“Hi,” he says, dumbfounded.

“Hi.”

“You came.”

You nod. “I did.”

Wooyoung might faint. His heart is beating a mile a minute, breath shallow and labored. You’re here. You’re here and you’re looking at him like that. And the fear creeps into his pause.

“I’m sorry,” he warbles.

“I know.”

But you can’t so he says it again.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You keep saying that.”

Because he can’t think of anything else. Nine hours of going over the grand speech about how he missed you and how breaking up with you was the greatest regret of his life flies out the window now that you’re in front of him and willing to listen.

“Is that all you wanted to tell me?” you ask.

“No.”

“Then talk to me, Woo.”

The only thing you’ve ever asked him for is the truth. Wooyoung’s been so afraid that if he tells you how he truly feels, you’ll think less of him. That being so in love it terrifies you is disgusting, pathetic.

“I don’t know where to start,” he admits, staring at the icy sidewalk covered in slush.

“How long have you been here?”

“Since they opened.”

“Why?”

“Because if you came I didn’t want to miss you.”

“I almost didn’t.”

“Why did you?”

“Because—,” you pause, shaking your head. “I don’t know.”

“I had a whole speech prepared.”

You smile shyly. “Really?”

“Yeah, but now that you’re here I don’t remember any of it.”

“Then just tell me the truth, Woo.”

“I’m an idiot.”

Laughing at his outburst, you nod at him. “That’s a start.”

And the space between them grows a little warmer. Gives him the confidence he needs.

“That night at dinner, when I went to the bathroom, I got an email.” Wooyoung starts, stepping closer. “I’d applied for a grad school program and I thought I was gonna get in but … I didn’t. And I think that and the nerves from proposing just caught up to me. I thought you’d want to stay in Boston after all and I didn’t want you to feel like you had to move back here. And it snowballed and all those feelings of not being good enough came back and— When you didn’t say anything, didn’t ask why or try to argue with me I thought it meant it’s what you wanted too.”

Shame flushes through him, a tsunami of disgust for allowing himself to think so poorly of you. You never made him feel less than. The only person who thought he wasn’t good enough was himself and he let that destroy everything in a second of self doubt.

“I tried to convince myself I did you a favor. That you’d be better off without me and you’d meet someone better. Find someone good enough for you. But I was wrong. I am wrong. There hasn't been a single day since we met that I don’t think about you. Even when I try not to, you’re always in the back of my mind. And then I think about how selfish I am for wanting you back. But when it comes to you I’ve always been a little selfish because I love you. And—” he breaths for the first time. “And I don’t know how to be me without you.”

The humor is gone from your face. Beautiful eyes brim with tears, rimmed red not unlike his own; chin shaking. The wind is louder than ever now, cars wheel sloshing across the wet pavement crashing between them.

“Please say something.”

“How do I trust you again?” Your voice cracks, and it knocks the air from Wooyoung’s lungs.

“I don’t know.” Wooyoung looks at the ground, guilt-ridden.

Everything, all of the pain and heartbreak, was his fault. He dug you into this mess and now he doesn’t know how to get out.

Seeing Wooyoung, the man with an answer for everything, admit for once he doesn’t have an elaborate plan in motion to win you back is refreshing. You didn’t want Wooyoung who’d fix everything, Wooyoung who’d carry the burden of your relationship by himself even if it killed him. All you wanted was for him to tell you the truth.

And now that he has, you’re done being apart.

Nearly topping to the ground as you tackle Wooyoung in a fierce hug, you focus on inhaling his cologne and basking in the feel of his body pressed firmly against you. He barely manages to steady your combined weight, feet scrambling to regain his balance on the icy sidewalk.

“Don’t you ever do that shit to me again!” you yell, arms squeezing around his waist.

Wooyoung hesitates for a moment, clearly shocked at the turn of events. Rising out of his chest, you look at his gaping mouth and furrowed brows before his arms knot around your shoulders.

“I missed you,” you whisper into his lips.

“I love you,” Wooyoung responds, forehead resting against your own.

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

Central Park in May is a bustle of people enjoying warm days following months of slushy snow and gray skies. Shrill screams bounce off the trees, children dart across the walkways, giggling groups of friends crowd around blankets on the dead grass, and a menagerie of dogs zigzag around their owners in the fresh air.

Today is a rare day where you and Wooyoung both can spend interrupted hours lounging in one another’s presence, eager to make up for years of long distances and the months neither of you like to talk about. Wooyoung woke you with innumerable kisses across any sliver of skin his lips could find. No different than all the other mornings spent together since January.

You tried to take things slow, ease back into the comfort of the relationship. But it’s Wooyoung. There’s no half measures, only the full rush of feelings that never went away. A few awkward weeks of dancing around one another, unsure how to fit back in when there’s so much history, but the dam broke the first night Wooyoung stayed at your apartment and woke you up with bagels and coffee in bed.

He stayed over almost every night since.

Sprawled across an old throw blanket, skin warming in the afternoon sunshine, a thick book obscures his face from view as your head rests in his lap. Wooyoung’s been fidgety all morning. You chalk it up to the first nice day following a freezing, rainy winter. Too much energy and finally a suitable outlet that isn’t people watching from your living room window.

You look up at him, his face visible just above the edge of the book pages hiding your smile. He’s already looking at you.

Plucking the book from your grasp, he carefully marks the page before setting it down on the blanket. Wooyoung folds in half to silence your protesting “hey!” with a kiss, humming as you give in all too easily.

“I was reading that,” you mumble into his bottom lip. You tug his shirt, kiss him a little firmer before he leans back.

“Wow, you’d rather read some smutty book than kiss your real life boyfriend?”

Laughing, you press another peck to his mouth before answering, “Glad you understand.”

“What about your fiance?”

Your smile melts into shock, mouth gaping and staring at him like a deer in headlights.

Fiance.

His fiancee…

Wooyoung smoothly maneuvers you up and out of his lap, pulling the jewelry box from his pocket as he kneels on a lone knee.

“Y/N. You’re my favorite person in the world. The only person I can ever imagine spending the rest of my life with. I love when you sing in the shower, and how you put way too much sugar in your coffee. I love how smart you are, and how you’re nice to everyone even if they don’t deserve it, me included. And how everytime I look at you my palms get sweaty and that just thinking about you makes my day better. You are the love of my life. Will you marry me?”

Wooyoung is shaking so violently he fumbles the velvet box twice during his speech but you hardly notice, shaking so hard yourself. He drops it a third time when you tackle him in a fierce hug, tear filled laughter spilling from your lips and into the field where they lay.

“Yes!” you squeal into his neck, “Yes, I’d love to marry you.”

At dinner with all your friends, he holds your hand so the diamond glints at anyone looking. When Wooyoung walks you home, to the apartment that’s become his second home, giggly from champagne and love, he kisses your knuckles a ridiculous amount of times just to feel the cool band under his lips. Each time you chest squeezes like its the first. Once inside the doorway, Wooyoung crowds you against the door; his thumb focusing on the bevel of the diamond sitting on your ring finger as his other hand pushes the strap of the sundress off your shoulder so his tongue can etch your collarbone from dip of your throat where the locket he gave you for your first Christmas together rests to under your ear.

“So, future Mrs. Jung, now that we’re alone, how would you like to celebrate?” he asks, nipping against the sensitive skin until you sigh, chest arching into his own.

“What if I wanna keep my last name?”

“Is that what you’re focusing on right now?” Wooyoung asks, a strong thigh moving between your parted legs.

“Yeah, future Mr. Y/L/N. I don’t think there’s anything else to discuss right n—fuck, Woo.”

Wooyoun can’t help but giggle at your reaction, rocking again just to hear you moan his name once more.

“What were you saying?”

“Don’t,” you huff, whimpering at another torturous drag. Wooyoung can feel the heat of your cunt through your panties and his jeans. “Don’t be mean to your future wife.”

“Love when you talk dirty.” He bites against the strained muscle raising from the side of your neck.

“That turns you on? Calling me your wife?”

“Feel for yourself.”

You do feel it. Shifting in the tiny space he’s allotted, you feel him hot and hard against your stomach. You’re caught between wanting to savor every moment and ripping both your clothes off.

“And if I call you my husband?”

Wooyoung doesn’t dignify your question with an answer other than tugging you towards the bedroom to demonstrate just how much he likes the new name.

You don’t make it that far. Between pulling at his clothes and tripping over your own, the hall floor becomes the alternative; Wooyoung’s lap your new perch. His teeth close around your nipple, timid until he’s not.

He keeps you like that for a while. Squirming in his lap until you're not naked enough with your dress pooled around your waist and bunched up your thighs. You whine and he switches to your neglected breast, tongue flitting teasingly.

“Wooyoung,” you keen.

The bastard laughs but makes no move to give you more. You’re at his mercy. The way he touches you makes you blush, still new and exciting after years but he treats you like the most interesting thing in the world; remembers even the most insignificant details that have you sweating.

You try to pull him off your chest but he ignores the desperate pleas; eager licks so good your hips kick against his crotch for some kind of relief. Fingers pinch at the abandoned one, keeping your back bent in a painful arc.

He bites a little too hard, shoves a hand between your legs and touches with raw force. You can’t think about anything. Hopped up on champagne and engagement bliss, your body rolls hot and wet against his fingers until you come with wrecked sounds.

Sagging against him, Wooyoung slows, lets you take a few weak breaths while he noses against your collarbone. He kisses the hollow of your throat, a simple brush of his lips that lingers deep in your veins.

“I think that might be a new record,” he quips. The fingers buried beneath your underwear pop into his mouth before he reaches back down with softer strokes, teasing all those worn nerves back to attention. You don’t care about anything other than the way he touches with brutal reverence. Worshiping your body the way that sets your soul on fire.

His body gives under gentle caresses, fingers cataloguing everything in meticulous detail. His hair, his neck, shoulders. The plains of his chest. How his stomach dips beneath your nails. You rub his cock through his pants before impatience takes over and you both work to shove them down his thighs.

You rock down, pulling at those short hairs at the nape of his neck with just enough sting. Wooyoung loses himself in the feeling, mouthing your name across your sternum. “So fucking beautiful.”

Whatever response rests on your lips dies as he rolls you next to him on the floor. You leg over his hip, his cock between your walls with little resistance. The kind of intimacy that makes you bubble out your own skin.

The floor isn’t good for sex. Your hips ache. Sweaty limbs stick. Your fiancé has you bent like origami to fuck as far as his dick can reach. His eyes are locked on the way you fit together, but you want them on you. “Baby, l-look at me.”

He does; hooded eyes hazy. Something simmers hot in his gaze, something you can’t name but know well because you feel it. Wooyoung doesn’t look anywhere else but your face as he rolls again and again and again.

“Feels so good,” you pant.

Wooyoung hoists your leg up higher, pushing until your back flattens to the floor and he’s crowded over. You want him to fuck you hard, nasty. Something in between those romance movie references and the way he makes you feel like the only person in the world; perfectly made to take him.

He groans from the new angle. “I love you.”

The hand shoved between your legs is ripped away. The hand with the ring. The one Wooyoung kept by his side at all hours like an idiot. But you don’t care. Not as he pulls your fingers to he faces and kisses it like a promise, cups his hand around your own one his cheek. You shake. Thrash beneath as stars explode and everything melts into absolute nothing.

Wooyoung manages a few more thrusts before he loses it, pace uneven from champagne and giddy pleasure. The messy of his cum spills with each jilted thrust, trickling where your ass meets the floor.

Shuddering, Wooyoung collapses. “Jesus Christ.”

You grunt something like ‘I know,’ eyes wet, body vibrating with leftover dopamine. You’ve never had married sex, and any form of nuptials remains far off in the horizon for the time being. But tonight, he’s as good as the real thing. Maybe even better.

“I think I passed out for a second,” you whisper airily.

“Just some proactive marital bliss.”

He lays on the floor next to you, shoulder to shoulder, hands wound gently together. The pressure of his lips rains over your fingers. Again, and again like he still can’t believe this is real. You can’t remember ever being this happy.

Hooking a leg over his hip, you cuddle down into his chest. “Bibi is gonna see that ring next weekend and start asking for grandkids.”

“Well, it’s a good thing Myungho called me this morning.”

“Wait, really?”

“Surprised?”

“No,” you laugh. “Mia called me last week.”

Wooyoung presses his nose into your cheek with a whine. “How come you got to know before me?”

You're both still half clothed. Your dress ruined, his pants the same. Like the so many times you’ve had together where nothing can get in the way of the deep seeded need for one another. Almost poetic.

You kiss his cheek teasingly. “Because you can’t keep a secret to save your life, Mr. Jung.”

A displeased huff is all the warning you get before he’s back on top of you, fingers bent into your waist, your neck. All the worst tickle spots that have you screaming for mercy.

“You were surprised today, weren’t you?” He pulls you tighter, levels your gaze and whispers like it’s the best secret he’s ever been a part of. “Mrs. Jung?”

“Not one bit.”

#cromernet #kvanity #ateez #ateez smut #wooyoung #wooyoung smut #wooyoung x reader #jung wooyoung #ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #wooyoung fluff #wooyoung angst #ateez fluff #🫡 highvern

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cjlouwho · 22 days ago

Text

This got a little long winded, so it gets its own post. The story you are about to read is based off of this poll. These are your choices.

Tommy was pretty sure he'd never felt a headache like this before. He wasn't prone to migraines, but he'd seen his mother suffer with them and this... well, this might be worse.

He squeezed his eyes shut, groaning as a wave of nausea fell over him.

It wasn't just his head that hurt. It was his whole body.

Damn, he hadn't been this sick in... well, ever.

His body shook with chills. There was a heaviness in his chest that had him turning his head to the side and choking out a hard cough.

Once he finally settled, that heaviness still there, he slowly let out a raspy breath.

Pudding.

He wanted pudding.

That was odd. He used to crave pudding as a child. Every time he got sick, he would request a pudding cup. And that's what he wanted right now.

Maybe he still had one in the fridge. He'd kept a few things there for Jee back when- Well, he had some kid foods that had been sitting in his fridge for a couple months now. Surely, the pudding would still be fine.

If only he could get out of bed.

He made a mental note to order a new mattress. This one had lasted him quite a few years, but he was definitely feeling the lumps today. It was hard and painful and poked into his back.

“God, this sucks,” he breathed out, blinking his bleary eyes open and... oh.

This wasn't right.

He wasn't at home. Wasn't in his bed.

And the heaviness in his chest was actually on his chest.

That's when the memories came flooding back to him. Going for a flight on his day off. Wanting to clear his head and get his thoughts in order.

He couldn't panic. He needed to maintain focus.

That was hard to do when his brain was all jumbled.

He remembered his phone was... somewhere.

Shirt pocket! That was it!

Carefully, and painfully, he reached up and pulled out the phone.

Miraculously, it was still in one piece. Besides a few cracks to the screen, it seemed to be working fine.

He stared at the screen. The default background that was once a picture of him and Evan.

It hurt to breathe. Hurt to think. He knew he probably didn't have that much time. Not with the way this heavy piece of metal pressed against his body.

So, with fuzzy eyes, Tommy went to his contacts, hovering his finger over the name before pressing down.

“Hello?”

“H- Hey. Long time, n- no talk.”

“Tommy? What's up? Are you okay?”

Tommy huffed out a laugh. “I... Well, that's a loaded question.”

“You sound weird. What's wrong?”

“I wanted to a- apologize to you.” With a grimace, he swallowed down what was definitely blood.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

There was a pause, then, “Did you do something stupid?”

“Not intentionally,” he deadpanned. “Listen, I- I kinda got into an accident and I...” his voice trailed off as he went into a coughing fit. The movement sent a pain shooting from his leg to his back. “Damn it!” he yelled.

“Tommy! Tommy, talk to me. What do you mean you got in an accident?”

“No, it- it doesn't matter. I just wanted t- to apologize for the way I left you.”

“You apologized for that years ago, Tommy. Tell me what happened so I-”

“Abby!” he exclaimed, the hunk of metal over him creaked as it lowered slightly. “I don't... I just need to apologize. I- you loved me, didn't you?”

“Yeah, I did. Car crash, or were you flying?”

“F- Flying. I loved you too. Not... Not the same though. Sorry.”

He could hear her mumbling something to someone else, then she was back on the line. “I'm calling 911 with Sam's phone. Stay on the line with me, Tommy. Are you in LA?”

“Mhm. Do- Don't think I made it far. Abby, listen, I didn't... I didn't mean to hurt you. I was so s- scared of- of everything.”

“Do you see anything around you? Any indicators for where you are? They're working on pinging your phone.”

When Tommy turned his head to the side, all he could see was trees. “Woods. I think. Can't see much. I was dating th- this guy.”

“Can you tell me where you're hurt? Are you bleeding anywhere?”

“Oh, for sure. But A- Abby, I didn't m- mean to hurt you.”

“Focus, please. Where are you bleeding?”

“Head. Leg. Mouth. Kinda e- everywhere. I was dating th- this guy,” Tommy sucked in a shaky breath, a rattling in his lungs. “Your guy, actually. O- Our guy?”

“Tommy, I think you're getting confused. I-”

“No, no. Evan. Buckley, Ev- Buck. Him.”

There was silence on the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“No, I'm here. I- You're dating Buck?”

“Was dating Buck. I- I ended it. I'm c- cold.”

“Help is on the way, Tommy, just stay with me. You broke up with Buck. Why?”

“Remember wh- when we went to karaoke nights? Th- That was fun, wasn't it?”

Abby sighed. “It was, but that's not what we're talking about.”

“Wh- What was the song we us- used to sing?”

“You were a big Queen fan. I Want to Break Free. Shoulda known,” she mumbled.

Tommy laughed, but it quickly turned into a coughing fit, where blood bubbled up in his mouth.

“Tommy! Tommy, stay calm, okay. Turn your head a little so you don't choke.”

Tommy listened, spitting out the blood before he continued. “We should karaoke again.”

“I don't think that's gonna happen. Tell me about Buck.”

“Evan.” Tears filled in Tommy's eyes and he tried his hardest to blink them away. “We were t- together six months and it all f- fell apart.”

“Why?”

“He wanted... wanted me to move in. Can you b- believe that?”

“Yeah, actually, I can,” she answered. “Buck likes to attach and you're, well, attachable.”

“No. No, I'm not.”

“You haven't changed much, Tommy. You didn't seem to think you were worthy when we were together either.”

Tommy's eyebrows furrowed. Down his back he could feel the sensation of more blood dripping from his neck. “What d- do you mean?”

“The whole time we were together it felt like you were waiting for a bomb to drop.”

“That probably had to do with the whole being gay thing.”

“Mm,” she hummed. “Maybe. Don't think so though. Hang on a second.”

He looked up at the hunk of metal trapping him in place. “Nowhere to go.”

Tommy closed his eyes while he waited. He wasn't sure how much time passed, but the next thing he remembered, Abby was yelling in his ear. “-mmy! Tommy, talk to me!”

“Wha- I'm here, I'm here. God, you're l- loud.”

“And you're an ass. If I was there I'd smack you on the back of the head.”

“That would hurt,” he replied. “With the gaping wound an- and all the blood.”

“Back to Buck. Why'd you say no to moving in?”

“I own a home.”

“And?”

Tommy thought for a moment. “I- I wasn't enough for you, Abby. Couldn't be.”

“Mhm.”

“I hurt you. Didn't m- mean to, but I did. I saw- I saw it in your eyes, when I left, I... You loved me, and I couldn't... I'm sorry.”

“Is that why you left?” Abby asked. “You were afraid Buck would do the same thing to you?”

“I really...” he couldn't stop the tears now. His chest heaved in the little space it had left. “I really loved him, Abby, and I- I saw what I did to you and I couldn't. I just co- co- couldn't-”

“Okay, okay, Tommy, I need you to stay calm, okay? Listen, the dispatcher is telling me that the 118 is close to you. So you stay calm and you talk to me!”

“O- Okay.” He tried to calm his breathing the best he could, but the rattle persisted. He knew that didn't mean anything good. Each breath got a little harder, the blood continued to flow down his neck, and he was pretty sure something was sticking through his leg.

“Did you tell him how you felt?”

“He didn't... He never said it. That he loved me.”

“Did you?”

“No.”

“Maybe he was waiting on you. Did you think of that?”

“I think...” He just wanted to close his eyes. Nothing made sense, the cold feeling was fading, he was going numb. “I think I- I'm dying, Abby.”

“No! Listen to me, Tommy! They're close to you! I need you to make a noise. Let them know where you are. You hear me?! Call for help, Tommy.”

“Abb-”

“Call for help!”

Tommy groaned, more blood coming up in his throat. He managed to move one arm just enough for his hand to knock on the door of the chopper. “H- Here!” he yelled, banging on the door as hard as he could manage. “I- I'm here!”

Abby listened over the phone as the 118 arrived on scene. She could only make out bits and pieces.

“Tommy, can.... me? Talk to... There ya go! We got a...”

“What about the...”

“Hey. Hey, we're here, Tommy. Just focus on... and we'll get ya out, okay?”

“He's losing too... gotta get that off now!”

“Tommy, you look at me! We will... you just gotta promise me you'll... Promise?”

She waited, holding her breath until she heard his voice, just a touch above a whisper. “Promise.”

Things got quieter for a bit, then she heard voices again, so she yelled, “Hey! Hey, pick up the phone! Someone pick it up!”

“H- Hello?”

“Buck, is that you?”

“Yeah, Abby, it- it's me,” he answered, his voice practically shaking. “Maddie said y- you were on the line with him.”

“Is he...?”

“He's alive. We're following the ambulance to the hospital.”

“How bad?”

She could hear Buck sniffling through the line. “I don't know how he's alive, Abby,” he admitted, lip trembling. “It looks like this thing has been through a compactor.”

“And Tommy?”

"Has a gash on the back of the head, concussion, broken ribs, a pretty big piece of glass through his leg, definitely some internal bleeding. He... Chim says he should make it, but we- we barely got here in time. He might've... if he wasn't talking to you he probably...” He couldn't even bring himself to say the words.

“Hey, don't think about that now. He's gonna be fine. That's what matters.”

“Yeah.” Buck ran a hand over his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah, you're right.”

“I'll let you go, Buck, but let me know when he's stable, okay?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Abby.”

“Of course. Oh, and Buck!” she quickly added before he could hangup.

“Yeah?”

“I know the guy pretty well. He loves you. He's just not great at being loved.”

“A- Abby-”

“Don't give up on him. He's worth it.” Before Buck could get in another word, she hung up.

*****

The next time Tommy opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed.

Evan was beside him, staring down at an empty cup in his hands. Tommy figured he must've sensed the staring, because soon enough Buck was meeting his eyes. “You're awake,” he said, eyebrows rising.

“I-” Tommy cleared his throat. “I think so, yeah.”

“There's been a couple wake ups that didn't quite stick,” Buck explained, standing to grab cup of water. He put the straw to Tommy's mouth and had him take a sip. “Slowly,” he instructed. “Don't want you choking.”

Tommy took a few sips, then settled back in the bed. “How long was I out for?”

“Almost four days.”

Tommy's eyes widened. “You.. You haven't been here the whole time?” he asked. “Have you?”

Buck nodded. “Three nurses have tried to drag me out of here. All have failed.”

Tommy hoped the monitor didn't show how fast his heart felt like it was beating. “Wh- Why? Why'd you stay?”

Buck smiled, wrapping his shaky hand around Tommy's. “A mutual friend of ours told me you were worth it,” he said, his eyes glistening with tears. “I just so happen to agree.”

#bucktommy #911 #tommy kinard #evan buckley #911 abc #tw: blood #tw: near death

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cinnamanz · 1 month ago

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# HEAD OVER HEELS .ᐟ — yu jimin

pairing — yu jimin x female reader

after most of her relationships ending up in heartbreak, jimin foolishly swore to never fall in love again. you, of course, just had to charm her.

"god, what the fuck am i doing here?" truly, jimin didn't know how she got here, getting dragged out of her bed and thrown in minjeong's back seat like some modern day kidnapping. “of all places?”

minjeong only sends her a small smile, eyes flitting over to where the school's volleyball team warmed up before the last match of the regionals. "you needed to get out of bed. thank me later."

jimin rolls her eyes as ningning and aeri arrive with popcorn in hand, passing them to a beaming minjeong along with her wallet. "oh, you're here! what a miracle!"

"oh, please." jimin shrugs off a laughing aeri, while ningning scans the older's outfit, baggy sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, along with her glasses and hair pulled up into a messy bun.

ningning clears her throat. "so... how- how are you dealing with all... this?" the break-up was recent, a mere two days ago, and clearly, jimin wasn’t taking it well. everyone around her treaded carefully with the situation and handled it like a fragile piece of glass, and she’d had enough.

“shit. but i— ugh, i don’t want to talk about it right now.” jimin responded, noting how the court in front of her was the finals game of the volleyball season, the famed university they went to playing against their notorious rival. “let’s just watch this. that’s why you brought me here.”

minjeong nodded in understanding, though the rest of the girls seemed concerned and stared at her for about a few seconds before following suit, ningning already reaching in the bowl of popcorn in her hand, before passing it along. “who do you think’s going to win?”

minjeong hummed as she grabbed a handful of popcorn while aeri scrolled through her phone, snapping a quick photo of the court and posting it on her story. “i think we’ve got this in the bag. we did well throughout the season.”

“mm, but we’re talking about—” as the two droned on about volleyball, jimin couldn’t help but be zoned in on the player with her hair up into a ponytail, swept back tightly as the ball between her hands spun and was sent flying through the air and across the other side of the court, a loud bang echoong in the gym.

“hey, who is that?” the words have left her mouth before she could fully realise that she’d stood up from her seat and leaned over the railing, peering down at the player.

“hm? oh, her?” a small smile stretched itself across minjeong’s lips. “that’s y/n kim. vice captain of the volleyball team and right-side hitter. she’s got a mean right arm.”

“huh.”

“why, interested in her?” aeri’s voice pipes up as her eyes raked over jimin’s figure that leant over the railing, looking wholly interested in the warm-up session. “i’ll give it to you, jimin. you’ve got great taste. but… y/n, hmm, how do i put this? y/n is kind of your cliché jock. she’s real sweet though.”

ningning’s lips puckered into an ‘o’ shape, fingers snapping. “oh, right! you had that month long situationship!”

jimin raised a brow. “you did? how come i’m only hearing about this now?”

ningning flashes a sheepish smile. “well, we kind of were keeping it in the down-low.” god, this was interesting. but jimin would rather die than admit that she’d found ningning’s situationship with you (who she thinks is quite attractive) morbidly intriguiing. the girl’s had a lot of them, so why should the one with you be any different?

“see, the whole time we were talking—”

“heads!”

oh, shit.

pacing in front of the nurse’s office with your bottom lip stuck between your teeth, you couldn’t help but grimace at the sight of the nurse’s ice pack pressed on the back of jimin’s head. god, you did damage.

“i am so, so, sorry. i didn’t mean to hit you, nor did i know that the ball was going to bounce off the floor too hard and hit you on the back of your head.” you’d rushed out in a breath, all panicked and— it’s kinda cute.

“it’s fine.” jimin had dismissed your words like it was nothing, which it probably was or she was just so sick of your antsy behaviour and the hit on her head had taken a massive toll on her that she wasn’t bothered at all to do anything about the forming lump on her skin. ouch.

“really. calm down.” god, who knew that when minjeong had dragged her out of the house and flung her into her backseat that she’d end up sitting in the nurse’s office longer than she’d stayed at the gym.

“i’m just— this has never happened before and i feel so bad because it looked like it hurt and—”

“—y/n, calm down. i’m fine. you need to take deep breaths.” what was meant to be a simple statement ended up with the other girl obeying, earning a raised brow from her. why are you obedient? it was odd, or maybe she’s just been around too much distasteful mem that such a simple action made her heart warm.

“i’ll stay here with you until you’re feeling better.” you’d mumbled after taking deep breaths, pulling up a chair and sitting near the edge of the chair.

“what? you’re going to miss the game! and it’s against our rival school—”

“— it’s fine. i’d rather look after someone i injured than play against those egotistical bastards.” your eyes are sparkling and oh my god why do you look like a golden retriever? no wonder aeri had interest in you.

she huffs. “fine. have it your way.”

your team ended up losing that night by just a smidge. though, on the bright side, you got a pretty girl’s number!

“this is the third time this week.”

“maybe she likes you.”

“or she feels bad about hurting you?”

“no, i think it’s because she likes jimin.”

“guys, please.” jimin raises a hand to quiet to girls, shoving the chocolate box and flowers in her bag as she slammed her locker shut, hastily speedwalking down the hallway.

“hey— jimin, wait up!” the three struggled to keep up with jimin’s pace, who was seemingly eager to get out of school the moment the bell rang, feet gliding across the polished floors like a woman on a mission. which she was, in a way.

“why are you walking so fast—”

oh, you’re there. oh god, you’re there.

you leant on the side of your motorcycle, looking like every other walking toxic red flags yet something from the way you’d perked up upon seeing her enter your line of vision made you a whole lot distinguishable from the rest.

“jimin!” oh, god. oh, hell no. god, you smell good. wait, you’re right in front of her?! “care for a ride?” and how is she supposed to say no to that?

you’d been driving around for twenty minutes now, her arm still wound tightly around your waist as she pressed her body against your back, heart pounding harshly against her ribcage and she couldn’t differentiate if it was from the fast pace that you’re cruising the highway on or from the lack of promixity between your bodies.

after what seemed like ages, you’d come to a slow stop and her arms slowly unravelled around your mid-section, standing on wobbly legs as she struggled to hold in the puke from the fast speed. oh god, jimin. keep it in.

she was too busy trying to keep her lunch in her stomach that she’d failed to notice you setting up a picnic under the tree that overlooked the hill they were on, shooting her an oh-so-sweet smile that she’d flopped onto the fabric like a fish out of water.

god, the view was gorgeous. “uh, i brought you here because i still feel bad about hitting you with that volleyball.” you don’t really beat about the bush, huh? “and i was hoping that bringing you here and asking if i could continue to keep giving you flowers and chocolates would make up for that night?”

jimin blinks, the situation all too sudden yet somehow exhilarating with the way you were practically *fussing* over her while she’s too busy flushing and struggling to get ahold of her shit. “i, uh, sure.”

“great!” there’s that smile.

days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and oh, before jimin knew it, she’s horribly head over heels for you. no wonder you attracted so many people. you were so incredibly addicting that once she got a taste, she couldn’t get enough.

fuck. no, no, no, no. she can’t fall in love again. no, it’ll just end up like last time. no, but you’re so sweet, and nice, and caring— but the last guys were like you too. the only difference is, you’re not a guy. you’re not some foolish guy who’ll play around with her feelings and give her false hope. you’re actually considerate, and you actually care about what she thinks, and you actually put her first for once in her life.

god, this is quite literally the bare minimum and, what the fuck is that beeping?

jimin heaves a deep gasp and wakes up, body taut as she sat up hastily on the bed, space empty beside her, wide eyes blinking as she was left to simmer in silence before tears built up in her eyes and oh, she’s crying. were you all just a dream?

the door creaks open and you walked in, dressed in the baggy pyjama she’d bought you a few months ago for your birthday, your lips parting for a yawn that was interrupted upon seeing her figure swaddled in blankets that stood frozen like a deer caught in headlights, tears drying just a bit. “jimin?”

you were here. you were here with her, with your arms wrapped around her body and comforting her, whispering the sweetest of nonsense as she melted against you. christ, she’s horribly head over heels.

guys i'm not gna lie to yall rn but idek what this oneshot what supposed to be. i js like of sat on the couch and js started typing whatever came to mind.

masterlist.

#cinnamanz's works .ᐟ #divider by soulari #aespa #aespa x fem reader #aespa karina #aespa winter #aespa giselle #aespa ningning #aespa x reader #karina #yu jimin #yoo jimin #karina aespa #yu jimin x reader #yu jimin x fem reader #kpop gg oneshot #kpop gg x female reader #kpop gg

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heesdreamer · 1 year ago

Text

Forgotten Consequences

PAIRING ➩ jake x reader (bsfs little brother au)

SUMMARY ➩ Your bestfriends little brother comes back from Australia and catches your attention despite knowing the consequences

WARNINGS ➩ ages aren’t specified but reader is a few years older than Jake and considers him “barely an adult”, RLLY ROUGH SM*T, like no joke it’s rough be warned, consent is there even though reader says no (she def wants it!), d*ddy is used sorry lol… this is straight up p*rn so there’s your warning. Jake is rough and borders obsessive

WC ➩ 5.7k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ Not exactly pleased my return to the writing world is basically PWP lol but here it is… there’s a larger story here I’m considering writing so lmk if you’re interested. Sorry to keep you guys missing me, take this as an apology piece

“Your brother is a lot taller than I remember him being Chaeyoung.”

You briefly glanced over to the side once you heard Lily’s voice start to whisper, seeing her leaning into the other girls side as she tried to be as discreet as possible.

Both of them were staring out at something in the yard and you followed their gaze until you landed on Jake standing in the corner, picking up something off of the snack table and looking as bored as you felt at this ridiculous party.

“If you hook up with my little brother I’ll actually kill you.” Chaeyoung’s voice was flat and deadly serious but her face didn’t show any actual signs of caring about the conversation, rolling her eyes and taking a sip of her drink before looking away and letting Lily lay on her shoulder.

Your eyebrow raised slightly at the interaction before your gaze was floating back over to the boy instinctively.

He hadn’t been home from the dance school in Australia long and this was only your second time seeing him since. You’d grown up together but you’d never paid him much mind outside of when Chaeyoung gave him funny makeovers and made him dance to girl group songs with you and your friends. Other than that he wasn’t necessarily somebody on your radar.

It was impossible to not notice the difference in him now.

Mainly the fact he was almost double the size he had been when he left, clearly hitting puberty now and apparently the gym considering how large his shoulders looked underneath the washed out black hoodie he was wearing.

He’d obviously gotten a new sense of style in his time away too and it was one that you were almost annoyingly attracted to. His hair was longer and stuck in his face most the time, earbuds peaking out from behind the dark strands whenever he pushed it back with his large hand and you could’ve sworn you’d posted the shoes he was currently wearing on your Instagram story a few months ago.

You watched him as he started to make his way back inside, completely ignoring the party going on around him and not even sparing a glance at the people in his backyard and living room.

When he was younger, he always wanted to be involved, especially when it had to do with Chaeyoung and your friends. You remember seeing her send him back up to his room dozens of times when he tried to hang out with you guys, always greeting you and the others enthusiastically.

A frown was forming on your face at his indifferent attitude before you were glancing back at your friends, glad to see they were lost in their own conversation and not noticing the way your eyes had been locked on your bestfriends little brother for the better part of the last ten minutes.

They were so distracted that they also didn’t notice the way you were scooting off of the outdoor bench, adjusting your skirt and balancing yourself slightly before you were heading inside and following the path you’d seen the younger boy taking. You were a bit thrown off when you entered the house again, the atmosphere a lot more intense and dizzying than the outside partygoers had been.

But you knew Jake wouldn’t have stuck around this type of environment long so you pushed your way through the crowd and continued on your way upstairs to where you knew he’d be, raising your fist and knocking on his door before you thought twice about it.

You froze up slightly at the speed in which he swung open his bedroom door, a heavy glare set on his face and you could hear music coming from deeper in the room, having seemingly abandoned his headphones. His eyes widened for just a second when he realized it was you in the hallway before he was forcing on an expression of indifference.

“Y/N? Whats up?” He was asking but his tone was lazy like he didn’t care, luckily you knew better and could clearly read the curiosity in his eyes.

You ignored his question and pushed into the room, taking a deep breath once inside before turning towards him with a raised eyebrow. He was sighing and closing the door behind you, leaning against it for a second once he realized what your expression was directed towards.

“You smoke?” You were finally speaking and he tensed at the sound of your voice, looking way more intimidating with the way he was lazily leaned against his door and accidentally trapping you inside the room. You took a seat on his bed and watched him curiously, waiting for an answer.

You didn’t necessarily need one considering you were now noticing how lazy his eyes were, gaze low and hazy as he stared at you sitting on his bed and the corner of his lips turned up into a half smirk at your stern voice and scolding demeanor.

“You gonna tell on me Y/N?” His tone was teasing now and you kept watching him as he pushed off the door, crossing the room until he was flopping back into his bed.

Luckily he kept some distance between the two of you, sitting up so his back was propped up on his headboard and his knee was pointed towards the ceiling. You were still sitting on the edge of his bed but you turned your body so you could face him better, adjusting your skirt with the movement. You took one final glance towards the door, eyes falling down to the turned lock on the knob.

“I’m sure I could be convinced to not tell.” You were responding to him slowly, keeping your voice light so he knew you weren’t serious. His eyes darkened a touch but you continued on with your light teasing. “Maybe if you were open to sharing.”

You weren’t exactly sure how you ended up in Jake Sim’s bedroom smoking weed with him, sitting fully on his bed now with your legs crossed underneath you and grazing fingers every time he passed the bowl over in your direction.

You kept picturing Chaeyoung walking into the room, seeing the way you were looking at him every time he was breathing smoke outwards into the air. You wondered if she’d care, wondered if she’d realize where your mind had gone and then you’d shift on the bed and feel the tension in the room and know there was no way she wouldn’t suffocate in it.

He was watching you now in a way that you knew was past the line of friendly, miles past the line of being your bestfriends younger brother, and for the first time since entering his room you got nervous. So nervous that you inhaled wrong and the smoke traveled to a tighter part of your chest, sending you lurching forward in a rough cough as you patted your torso a couple times to try and clear your airways.

Jake was chuckling at your amateurish smoking skills and you sent him a glare as another cough ripped through you, moving your hand to send a soft punch towards his knee for his teasing.

“Wanna know a better way to get the smoke down?” His voice was low, lower than it already was and you remember being frozen the first time you heard him speak when he originally got back, deep and silky as he muttered a halfhearted greeting in your direction.

You gave him a curious look even though you already had an idea of where this was heading, wondering how far he was planning to take this. You only responded with a soft nod now that your coughs had died down and left your throat with a burning sensation, worsening when a gasp ripped through you at the feeling of him wrapping his hands underneath your knees and tugging you closer on the bed.

He moved you completely effortlessly and your eyes were wide and panicked, still sitting with your legs crossed but now you were directly in front of him and your knees were bumping into one of his, his other leg stretch out along your side and effectively forming a cage around you.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Your warning was coming out far less stern than you’d hoped it would, voice weak and almost teasing again despite how serious you were.

His eyebrow cocked at this and you immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say considering the challenging glint forming in his eye now. He was swaying forward so his face was close to yours, way too close considering you felt his nose graze you for just a second before he was pulling back so he could stare down at your tense features.

“Keep your mouth open.” He was speaking suddenly and you could feel his breath on your lips, his tone light but commanding enough that for some reason you were immediately nodding your head and parting your lips for him.

He wasn’t wasting any time, sitting up enough so he could light the bowl once more and inhale it deep, holding it there in his chest easily for a few seconds before he was leaning forward and pressing his lips against yours. It wasn’t a kiss but it was enough for your eyes to flutter closed, leaning forward to press tighter against him but still not enough to feel his mouth completely on yours.

It was completely sensual, the way he was breathing out the smoke into your mouth from his own, almost suffocating as you inhaled a shaky breath softly and swayed further against him to try to avoid letting it escape.

“Breathe it in.” He was directing you again now that the smoke was out of his mouth and inside yours, not bothering to lean back and give you space as he started to speak and you could feel his lip brushing against yours for just a second. “C‘mon hold it for me. You can take it deeper than that.”

Your eyes were widening in surprise at his suggestive words, letting the smoke out before you were planning to and sitting up straight to try and put some distance between the two of you. He didn’t seem bothered at all by your reaction and for a second you wondered if you had just misheard him, let your own guilty thoughts and insecurities take his words to mean something besides smoking.

It didn’t help that your stomach was flipping with want now, face reddening and getting warmer as you replayed what he had said in your mind.

“Do it again.” You were requesting it in a whisper and you weren’t exactly sure what you were asking for, judging yourself for secretly hoping he’d repeat his innuendo laced words so you could hear it in his voice again. Instead he was grabbing the bowl and placing it between the two of you, lighting it again and inhaling.

You didn’t have too much time to be disappointed considering he was immediately lowering it and connecting your lips again, not even giving you time to open your mouth to collect the smoke.

He seemed to take matters into his own hands and you felt his tongue pressing against your sealed lips, prying them open so he could tilt his head and funnel the smoke into your throat. For a second you were chasing after his tongue with your own, nearly kissing him fully in a deeper lust fueled high, but he was cupping your jaw briefly and closing your mouth so you were forced to breathe in the smoke.

It was settling deep in your chest and this time you held it for him, looking up at him slightly through your eyelashes with watery eyes and he had a more satisfied expression on his face now that you were listening to him.

“Good girl.” He was humming out the word casually but your mouth parted in surprise, legs instinctively clenching together as you let the smoke filter back out and hit his face instead. The smirk on his face told you that he had definitely noticed your reaction and you were starting to lose all feelings of guilt and hesitation, being replaced with something much more terrible.

Something so intense that you couldn’t stop yourself from rocking forward and pressing your lips against his fully.

He thankfully was immediately reciprocating and you tried not to think about where he learned to kiss this intensely, hands coming up to cup your face and keep you locked against him as you moved together. You’d rocked forward so far that you nearly knocked him over back against the bed, leaning over his lap now as you desperately kissed him deeper and deeper.

It took for his hand sliding down your back, attempting to pull you fully onto his awaiting lap, for you to snap out of it and sit up straight with a small gasp.

Your hand was reaching up to touch your lips and you tried to ignore the fact they were wet from his mouth, looking at him and scanning from his confused eyes down to his own swollen lips that most likely mirrored the state of your own. Your body was lit up with need and it didn’t help that he was still touching you, hand resting on your lower back like he was waiting for you to kiss him again.

“We can’t do this.” You were telling him sternly in a panicked voice, shaking your head desperately to try and make sure he understood and that your point was getting across to him.

His hand was sliding down lower and roughly squeezing, resting on the curve of your ass and sending your hips forward and more onto his. A soft gasp was slipping from your mouth, followed by a breathy whine at the feeling of him hardening and pressing against your front, even more unbearable considering he wasn’t moving his hand and was instead softly groping your behind and rocking you against him.

“But we’re going to.” He was responding to your rejection in a casual tone, sounding more confident than he was pushy and you let out another soft whine as you gave him a bewildered look. “You followed me up here, you came into my room in this tiny little skirt and climbed into my bed because you wanted me to fuck you.”

You were instinctively shaking your head in panicked denial but your hands were going to his shoulders, pulling yourself forward onto his lap fully and mewling softly at the feeling of him completely pressing against you.

He didn’t say anything else as you started to desperately move against him, your head falling forward and landing in the crook of his neck as you lifted yourself up and down slowly so you could feel him under you at every possible angle. His large hands were holding you roughly and lifting you every time you struggled, pushing your skirt up further on your hips so he could feel your bare skin and lace panties.

“Fuck fuck.” You were panting out into his neck and arching your back into him, a shiver rolling down your spine when he was harshly tugging at your underwear so it was pressed painfully against your sensitive clit.

“God, do you always get this wet?” He was finally started to sound affected and you let out an embarrassed sob at his words, hand sliding up the back of his neck until it was tangled in his long hair. You imagined you were already a mess considering how desperate you were feeling, an overwhelming heat mixing with your high and stopping you from thinking about anything other than Jake.

“Let me fuck you baby, let daddy fix this.” He was talking so sweetly in your ear in his low voice.

You were shaking your head again but you already knew your resolve was falling apart, feeling nearly inhuman with how much you longed to be full of something, especially if it was him. You were aching in your panties and the forbidden image of your best friends little brother stuffing you and making the ache go away was nearly making you drool.

“How old are you Jae?” You were gasping out and lifting your head out of his neck to look at his face clearly, fearing his response and knowing you had a right to the fear considering for the first time his eyes flashed with guilt and worry. You were quickly doing the math in your head and gasping again, sitting up even more and stopping your rocking against him. “Oh my god you’re barely legal.”

He suddenly looked really annoyed and you felt bad for getting this far with him, knowing you had no choice but to stop what you were doing and reject the boy before anything more happened.

Messing around with your best friends brother was one thing but doing it while he was just barely an official adult was too much for your conscience, even if you weren’t that much older than him.

He seemed to have a totally different idea than you considering he was scoffing in annoyance before he was pausing and then flipping you completely over, ripping a shriek from you as your back unexpectedly hit the bed and he was left hovering over you. You froze up in shock as he impatiently undid the buttons on your skirt that was still pushed up on your waist, tugging it down and tossing it somewhere across the room.

“Don’t act like you care about how old I am.” He was barely looking at you as he spoke with anger lacing his voice, looking at your nearly bare bottom half for a few seconds before he was glancing up at you to check for your reaction. “Let me eat your pussy.”

You were letting out a loud laugh of disbelief, lacking any humor as you clamped your thighs shut and shook your head. “I mean it Jake, we can’t do this. It’s wrong.”

His large hands were squeezing your ankles for a second before sliding up your legs softly, your breath getting shakier as he reached your knees and slowly separated your legs. You both could tell you weren’t actually showing any attempt to stop him, not even putting up a fight as he lowered his face closer to your core and you could feel his breath over the wet spot covering your panties.

“It’s wrong that you want my tongue so bad your thighs are soaked.” He was talking in between the kisses he was laying on your skin, getting closer and closer to the thin fabric separating you and the point of no return. “Would be wrong to let you leave my room without my cum in your stomach.”

“Please, you need to stop.” You were breathing it out in a moan once he finally was placing a kiss over your covered core, softly running his tongue along your wetness and humming softly. The vibrations went straight to your clit and your hips rolled off the bed, pushing his face straight against you. “Oh fuck.”

He let out something that sounded almost like a growl before he was pushing your panties to the side and diving into your wet folds, wasting no time in sticking his tongue as deep as he possibly could get it and ignoring the way you nearly screamed and tried to close your legs around his head. He used his free hand to aggressively slam your knee back against the bed, opening you up completely for him and practically making out with your cunt.

It was completely lewd and disgusting, the wet noises filling the room as he ate you out with a level of expertise that almost made your stomach turn with curiosity if it wasn’t for how good he was making you feel.

Your hand was going to his hair to pull him out of your core but plans changed when he was sucking your clit into his mouth softly, instead keeping him locked in place with his long strands between your fingers. He abandoned your sensitive bud to go back to trying to stick his tongue as deep inside you as he could, turning his head so he was pushing into your tight hole and he moaned against you, the vibration nearly pulling another scream from you.

“Please Jake, oh my god please.” You almost thought you were begging for him to stop but you both knew you weren’t, lifting your hips up every time he tried to take a breath in an attempt to keep him buried in your cunt as long as possible.

“Wanna cum on my tongue or my cock baby?” He was lifting his head up to question you and you were thrown off by how easily it rolled off his tongue, how confident he seemed to be in being able to fuck you properly and make you cum with no question. You rarely came from hookups and definitely left unsatisfied more often than not but something about the glare in his eyes made you believe him.

You were apparently taking too long to answer considering he was climbing back on top of you and adjusting you slightly, moving your body like it weighed nothing.

“Don’t know how long I’ve wanted you like this Y/N. Going to show you what a real man feels like inside this slutty little hole.” He was reaching down and rubbing his fingers against you for emphasis, smirking when you let out a shaky breath and your stomach clenched. “Beg for daddy to fuck you baby, let everyone hear how much you want me.”

You were shaking your head and letting out an actual sob now, tears heavy as they rolled down your face and landed on the bed underneath you. He looked completely unaffected by your emotional reaction to the humiliation and pure want you felt for him.

It didn’t matter what he said now and it didn’t matter even if his sister walked into the room and saw him on top of you like this, you’d realized from the second you entered the room that you’d let him do anything to you that he wanted and that fact drove you absolutely insane with guilt and embarrassment. He seemed to know it as much as you did considering he was silent and patient as he waited for you to get ahold of yourself, knowing you’d end up begging for him regardless.

“Please Jake I need you so bad, need you to fuck me baby please.” You were pleading with him through a sob, grabbing onto his shoulders and trying to lift your hips to meet his and show him how desperate you were.

His eyes darkened the more you spoke and for the first time since entering his room you felt genuinely anxious, letting out a cry as he swiftly moved his hand up so it was pressing on your throat and restricting your breathing. Your eyes widened at his sudden aggression even though you were beginning to understand your mistake.

“Say it again and say it right or I’ll throw you out of my room with nothing but your dripping cunt.” He was leaning down to spit the words into your ear and you let out an embarrassing whine, another rush of heat running through you. “You like that huh… like when I get rough with you?”

You were nodding the best you could with his hand around your throat, the sting of the pressure making more wetness rush out of you as complete desperation took over your mind and left you feeling dizzy and out of it. Out of it enough that your tongue was hanging out of your mouth before you realized it, mouth opening as you stared up at him with watering eyes and heavy eyelashes.

He let off some of the tension around your throat just enough for you to be able to speak in a weak voice.

“Please daddy please give me your spit, I’ll be a good girl I promise.” You were practically sobbing as you begged him and his eyes were basically darkened to pitch black at this point, staring down at you with a hunger you’d never experienced from someone before. “Can do whatever you want to me, I’ll take it.”

Jake aggressively gripped your jaw and tugged your head closer towards his, waiting until you were eagerly sticking your tongue back out for him so he could spit roughly into your mouth. Before you got a chance to swallow it he was chasing after his spit with his own tongue, licking against yours until he was practically in your throat. You hummed softly and bobbed your head so he was even deeper, wanting him inside you in every way humanly possible.

“God you’ve gotta let me fuck you now or I’m going to hurt you.” He was pulling back to speak through gritted teeth, nearly looking pained as he was roughly sitting you up and tugging off the sweater you’d been wearing, leaving you completely bare outside of your panties that were beyond stretched from the way he was holding them.

“Hurt me.” You were begging him for it before you even processed that you wanted it, the imagine of him holding you down and shoving himself so deep inside you that you couldn’t handle the stretch making your stomach tighten with want. “Please Jake hurt me.”

“Don’t even know what you’re fucking begging for, you’re such a slut you don’t even care how I fuck you.” He sounded so angry but you knew he was just as affected as you, tugging you up and back into his lap so you were straddling him again. He sucked one of your nipples into his mouth for just a second before he was letting it go to speak again. “Wanna drag you down to that packed living room and take you in front for everyone there, let everyone watch me stuff you so deep your stomachs bulging.”

You were dizzy now, almost worried you were going to pass out from how overwhelmed you were and he’d barely even touched you so far.

You were desperately rolling your hips into his again and he was surprisingly letting you, guiding you as you bounced in his lap and practically rode him despite the fact he was still fully clothed. The image of you, bouncing on his hard on while practically naked and dripping down your thighs compared to him being fully dressed and composed made you feel even dizzier and you found yourself longing for what he was describing.

“Gonna make me feel so full daddy please, I’m sorry.” You could feel his hardness pressing against you every time you bounced and you were so turned on you couldn’t even find the time to be embarrassed you were probably soaking the fabric of his pants, the time to be humiliated you were calling a boy younger than you daddy.

“Should be fucking sorry.” He was growling out the words again and flipping you over easily so your stomach was on the bed instead, lifting you up by your hips so your ass was perfectly presented for him.

He didn’t hesitate before he was sending a sharp smack to your bare skin, immediately ripping a pained yelp from you that faded off into a desperate whine. You were adjusting yourself so you were pushing your ass towards him more and silently communicating you wanted him to hit you again, sobbing into his bed and pressing your face into the blanket to try to muffle the sounds of your cries.

Thankfully, he was understanding and roughly hitting you again. You knew he wasn’t using his full strength considering how strong he was but he definitely wasn’t going easy on you and you could feel yourself leaking even more at the pain.

“Tell me you’re sorry for never looking my way when I was a kid.” His words were barely being processed by you since you were so dizzy but you cried harder at the sound of his deep voice commanding you. “Sorry for being such a fucking slut but never giving me the chance to fill this pussy up.”

“Only want you to fill me please.” You were being immeasurably too loud but you didn’t even slightly care, completely serious in your desires for him to be inside you no matter who was watching. “M so sorry Jae please, please.”

You could hear the sound of his belt coming undone behind you and you nearly cried with relief, adjusting even more so you were completely presenting your ass and core to him. You wanted him to see how much you belonged to him so he’d have no choice but to fuck you.

He must’ve finished undressing his lower half because you could feel him pressing against you and your back arched at the realization his skin was pressing against yours, a loud whine sounding through the room when you felt his bare cock rubbing against your folds and thighs experimentally. You pushed against him harder and he reached up to squeeze the fat around your hips roughly in annoyance, a silent warning as he groaned softly.

“Gonna stuff you now and you’re going to lay here and take it.” He was grunting as he spoke and you sucked in a sharp breath when the head of his cock caught on your hole, pushing in just enough for you to realize he was a lot thicker than you’d prepared for. “Fuck you’re so tight, I’m going to end up in your stomach.”

You arched at his words and whined into his blankets, pushing your hips back against his so he was going deeper inside you. The stretch was knocking the air out of your chest but you nearly cried with how full he was going to make you feel.

“Please daddy please, I’ll be such a good girl for you I promise.” You were pathetically pleading with him and you knew for a fact that if anybody had drunkenly wondered upstairs they could definitely hear you, but you didn’t care about anything other than him in this moment and he was driving you crazy with how slow he was pushing into you.

He was finally losing his control and fucking himself deep inside of you in one go, bottoming out as you both took deep breaths and tried not to lose it before you’d even started.

The sound of him groaning above you was making you even more needy and you were overwhelmed with how much you wanted to keep hearing him make sounds like that, instinctively clenching around his length and feeling the way he was throbbing deep inside you.

You were basically sobbing with pleasure just from his first stroke into you when he pulled out completely, your body reacting intensely to the emptiness as you immediately looked over your shoulder and prepared to beg for him to fuck you again, stopping mid sentence when he was turning you back over on your back so you were able to see him again.

He was slamming himself back into you before you even adjusted to the position and he felt ten times deeper now, a pained grunt falling from your lips as he started to finally actually fuck you.

“Fuck you’re so fucking tight Y/N. I thought you were a whore but you feel brand new for me baby.” His facial expression as he spoke through gritted teeth and continued to thrust into you made you dizzy and you desperately reached out to hold his arms to try and ground yourself.

“Just for y-you Jake, only wanna be this full with you.” You were practically delirious as you cried and spoke to him but your words seemed to turn him on more considering he was slamming into you harder, clearly enjoying the level of ownership you were voicing towards him.

You didn’t want to internalize any of the things he said about you not paying attention to him before, knowing if you stopped and considered what he was implying you’d not be able to go through with this.

He was skilled at distracting you considering he was reaching forward to aggressively grab at your wrist, placing your hand against your stomach and pressing down so harshly you grunted in upset as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The lack of understanding didn’t last long considering it took only two more rolls of his hips inside you for you to feel what he was intending, your stomach bulging slightly from his size forcing itself deeper.

“Feel that?” He was rasping and you looked up to meet his gaze for the first time since he entered you, taken back by how dark and deadly his eyes were. “You’re mine now.”

You were nodding quickly in confirmation, not because you agreed with what he was saying necessarily but because of the wave of fear you felt seeing how serious and cold his expression was.

He had managed to already get you shockingly close between the foreplay and rough manhandling and it wasn’t long before you were feeling the familiar tightness in your stomach, only worsening when he was leaning down and catching your mouth in the sloppiest kiss of the night. It was bordering painful and filthy, exactly what you needed to distract you from how wrong this was and exactly what you needed to have you finishing around his length with a sharp inhale into his mouth.

You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep him kissing you even after you’d came, letting him know it was okay to keep fucking himself deeper inside you.

It was just enough to help you forget everything outside of the feeling of him on top of you and you felt drunk with how much you wanted to stay in this moment. You were terrified by how much he seemed worth the consequences when you had him like this, how much you wanted him even when the door was swinging open and a loud shriek was coming from the hallway.

#enhypen #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen smut #jake fanfic #jake fanfiction #jake au #jake enhypen #jake smut #jake sim #sim jake #enhypen jake #jake x reader #enhypen au #enhypen hard hours #enhypen fic

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schrodingerscougar · 11 months ago

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Part two for this one. I'm sorry for the cliffhanger in the first part. The illustration is from the amazing @ave661 .

Four months. That’s how much time it took Simon to get out of that hazy fugue state. He didn’t really remember what he had gone through during that time, his brain switched to autopilot after the breakup. He often wondered why it affected him this much when he didn’t even love you. You were just someone he spent time with, someone he tried to play house with for a short while to feel normal.

Still, now as he lay on his bed, watching the ceiling fan rotate to stir up the hot air in the room, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. He even found himself opening a social media app to search for your name from a fake account he had set up a long time ago, and he was shocked to see the most recent photo of you. It was impossible to miss the unmistakable shape of a baby bump under your shirt, and based on its size, you got pregnant long months ago.

When he was finally allowed to go home for a short while, Simon went to see you. He knew he had hurt you, he knew you were probably still mad at him, but he had to know if it was his child. It only happened one time. One night when he tried to fix things by giving you what you wanted, hoping sex could make him see you in another light. Maybe he would finally want you the way you always wanted him to want you. But it didn’t work, and it was after that night he made the final decision to end things with you.

“What do you want?” you asked him when you opened the door.

Simon nodded as he bit the inside of his cheek. This cold welcome was fair enough, he deserved this kind of treatment. Normally, he would have left you alone. But normally, you would have told him you were pregnant.

So he silently pointed at your belly and waited for you to realize what he wanted. He knew you weren't dumb, the pieces would fall into place in a second. And sure enough, you let out a sigh then opened the door wider to let him in.

“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked you as he stood in the kitchen next to you with his arms crossed.

You were busy making him a cup of tea, but you took the time to silently shrug. When he let out a heavy sigh, you looked over at him and said, “I didn't think you'd care, Si. Simple as that.”

You were right. He didn't care. Even now that he was looking at you, his eyes occasionally moving to the bump that hid his own blood, his mind was somewhere else. He was a soldier, he knew how to take responsibility for his actions. You getting pregnant was his fault too. He couldn't just ignore the problem.

“I’ll pay child support,” he assured you.

“No need.”

Simon reached out to put a hand on the base of your neck, but you quickly pushed his hand away before he could touch your skin. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

You inhaled through your nose and held your breath in for a few seconds before finally exhaling. “So what? You’re gonna be around and help us? Take her to a doctor’s appointment or for a stroll around the block?” When you saw him looking down at his shoes, you couldn’t help but snort. “Thought so,” you said.

“I’ll better get going. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Months flew by, but Simon barely noticed. He was on a mission again far from home, risking his life as usual. You never called and he didn’t force it. He accepted that he would have to live with the guilt of making this happen. Since you didn’t want to accept child support, he opened a bank account where he stored that money, hoping that one day he could give it to you or his daughter when she became old enough.

One day he checked your social media accounts like he had done a few times before, just to see how you were. This is when he saw the post in which you announced the arrival of your baby girl. He didn’t make a big deal out of it at first. She was born and she would probably ask about her father one day. If he was still alive then, he would gladly give her a toned down explanation. If not… Well, he left everything to her in his will.

Eventually he began to save the photos of his daughter and he often found himself looking at them. She was adorable, some of her features resembling his own. Her big brown eyes were definitely his; the color and the shape were both so familiar to him.

No one from the team knew about this part of his life. He had never told anyone, because why would he? They were close, they were his brothers, but you and your daughter were carefully guarded secrets in his life. Simon knew the real reason why he never talked about you; he was afraid of the judgmental looks and words.

Two months later, when he entered his apartment again after another round of deployment, Simon didn't really know what to do with himself. He ended up looking at his daughter's photos more and more often and eventually he made up his mind to give her a visit. It had absolutely nothing to do with you. He was doing this for the little girl.

You weren't welcoming but, once again, he couldn't blame you. “I just want to see my daughter,” he said softly, hoping the two of you could avoid fighting.

For long moments you were cautiously watching him, as if you were trying to decide if he could be trusted or not. But then your eyes fell on the big teddy bear he was holding with one hand and you let out a sigh of defeat.

On the way to the nursery, you didn't talk at all. The silence didn't bother him, but still he would have appreciated some words about the little girl he was about to meet. Was he allowed to pick her up? Did she like to be held? How was she? Did she have stomach ache often? Were she teething?

“Be quick,” you warned him when you stopped by her crib.

Simon let out a sigh. “Come on, don't be like that.”

You just rolled your eyes at him before taking a step back to lean your shoulder against the doorframe, arms folded over your chest, eyes watching his every move like a hawk. He found it a little too much, he hated that you didn't trust him. Sure, he hadn't given you many reasons to trust him, but for the sake of your daughter you should have tried.

With a sigh, he rested an elbow on the side of the crib and reached out to touch the baby as gently as he could with his other hand. His own flesh and blood. It was amazing, really. Without asking for permission, he picked her up and couldn't help but smile when the baby smiled at him.

Now that he was holding her close to his body, placing soft kisses on her head every so often, Simon couldn't deny that he already loved his daughter. There was an invisible string between them, something that brought her closer to him that anyone has ever been.

The baby giggled suddenly and it brought an even wider smile to Simon’s face. He could only hope you would let him see her as often as he could visit, but something told him it wouldn't be easy to convince you.

“She likes you,” you suddenly noted.

He put down the little girl then turned to you. “The feeling's mutual.” A faint smile appeared on your lips. “Can I see her some other time?” You nodded. “Thank you. If I can help with anything, just give me a call or send a message. I'll get back to you as soon as I can,” he offered.

You been to walk out of the room and he quietly followed you, waiting for you to say something. He didn't really know what he was expecting to hear, but he had a feeling you were holding back something. And sure enough, after a few minutes of silence you began to talk, scolding him for not even bothering to send at least a text to ask about her before suddenly showing up.

“I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd read them.”

“I'm mad at you, that's true,” you agreed.

Simon leaned against the doorframe as he watched you pace in the living room like a caged animal. He remembered those nights he had spent thinking about on deployment, the moment he saw that photo of you, and he realized that maybe he was missing you.

But how could he miss someone he didn't even love? Or had he developed feelings for you, feelings he tried to hide even from himself? It was way too confusing for him, and he didn't like to be confused. It was a weakness on the field and in his civilian life.

“I should go. If you need anything–”

You came to a halt, turned to him and nodded. “I know where to find you. But can I ask you something?” Simon motioned you to go on. “Why now? Why did you become interested in her all of a sudden?”

He let out a thoughtful hum as he put his hand on the back of his neck. “I saw the photos, how much she looks like me, and… I don't know.” You took a few steps closer to him, but you still kept a comfortable distance. “I've been saving money for her. I want to give you access to that bank account.”

“I don't need your money,” you were quick to say.

“It's for her. Please, accept it.”

You became mad at him, accusing him of assuming you couldn't take care of your daughter you'd been raising on your own from day one. He knew there was no point in defending himself, you were too lost in the hate you felt for him. So he just waited there in silence, letting you finish your speech.

Then, the moment you seemingly finished, he closed the gap between the two of you. He didn't know what he was doing, he just followed his instinct when he leaned down and kissed you. This was probably the first time he truly enjoyed kissing you, and it helped a lot that you were quick to return it.

Maybe this was why he wanted to come here today. To fix things. To try to get a family he'd been craving ever since he lost his own.

(part three)

#ghost #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #call of duty #simon riley #mw2 #mw3 #modern warfare #simon riley x reader

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autisticfaun420 · 24 days ago

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Autism and Fecal Smearing

I want to get this out of the way first so I'm just gonna say it, I struggle with this awful habit which is called diaper digging and fecal smearing, this post (and blog for that matter) I don't want to shy away from talking about this stuff. So yeah if I have a bowel accident, am frustrated/overstimulated/angry/sad, and am left alone for a few minutes I tend to do this. It's not as bad as before because I have preventative measures in place, like special onesies that make it so I can't remove my diaper myself (ughhh whatever...) and crunchy scented textured slime that my mom will add even more scent to just to make it overwhelming. The average number of episodes has been greatly reduced but I had one a couple weeks ago when my onesies were in the watch so the topic is fresh on my mind.

A lot of caregivers and autism parents are mystified and baffled by this habit and wonder why we do it. I can't speak for everyone, only myself, but to me personally the scent and texture of feces is so overwhelming and strong that I get a "high" from it. I take cannabis edibles daily and my parents let me get drunk once a month so I'll say its very comparable. I get a rush from it. My life can be so monotonous sometimes that smearing crap feels like getting away with a bank robbery, I go from extremely angry to feeling before then to like a happy giddy kid without a care in the world. I zone out so hard that I end up smearing it all over my face, walls, floor, and if it gets in my mouth I'm usually too far gone to care. I do not do it because I'm mad at my parents, I do not do it because I want to get back at them for something, I simply do it because my need for sensory input is so strong and when I'm about to go into a potentially violent meltdown I reach for the sensory nuke when my normal things to stim with just won't cut it. No high is complete without the crash and there's a crash. Seeing my parents and one of my unlucky friends SOOOOOOO unreasonably mad, it's terrifying. My parents got used to it and eventually just shrugged it off but I have heard them lose their cool over it several times and have heard my name and every cuss word in the book the room over where they clean. Not nice of them but I do not blame them one bit but the feeling inside hearing that is very real for me. I guess they got too good at shrugging it off. I had an incident where I smeared in the bathroom of one of my high school friends, very chill guy, look at me and scream at the top of my lungs, and punched a hole in the wall in the living room. I didn't know the painting he had in his bathroom was that rare but I ruined it completely and that's why he reacted that way. He could of done better but I do not blame him one bit. After that though seeing a side of that friend that I never seen before scared me into wearing the stupid onesie suit every day without fuss or a fight when before I would. Not only the suit but I have the replacement slime on me at all times, if I have a BM I tend to just pull it out and play with it. This doubles up as subtly letting my parents know I need a change, which I like cause I don't have to ask verbally which can feel kinda degrading sometimes. There is one good thing that has happened with this though. My hippie parents looked at my turd stained walls and thought I had some latent artistic talent and needed self expression and bought me art and painting supplies. They were misguided, it didn't prevent any incidents but I still took the art well. My therapist at the time had some art connections and the art I made was featured in what's known as an "outsider art" gallery. I sold a few pieces for 300-600 each. It's just a little bit bitter sweet cause if you've seen the King of the Hill episode about the Probots or just know a bit about outsider art in general, you'd know the way they market it is kind of, problematic to say the least. The gallery's artist profile for me made me out to be some kind of idiot dunce and made my parents look like heroic geniuses for spotting this talent or some shit and it's embarrassing that my artwork sold most likely cause of that over the strength of the art. Like oh wow look at this stupid R word who plays with poop his cool parents are soo smart, ughhhh. However I guess that's just the art game and I'm super proud of myself I made a couple thousand dollars of MY OWN money, it meant the world to me to have it. I'm not allowed to post my artwork on here and I wish I could share it with you on MY terms and not the gallery's but my parents are worried it could come back to my identity.

I want to end this post by saying if you engage in fecal smearing you are not stupid, broken, or filthy. You are a human being desperate for relief and you took the fastest way to get it. Shout out to all my autistic homies who smear or have smeared, I see you and you are loved.

#Autism #Level 2 autism #level 3 autism #high support needs #medium support needs #ableism #outsider art

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shepscapades · 1 year ago

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6. Overdose — Trickle

I've known from the start that it all would fall apart Heart-broken after dark I'm such a fool for thinking anything has love for me, hah Overdose, hold me close, darling Feeling so low, falling Close my eyes and let me leave my blues behind

This is actually a piece I finished a few months ago; I had wanted to experiment with a more solid line brush, color palettes, and cropped compositions, and I figured doing an album-cover-style piece would be good practice for it! I meant to post it back when i finished it in June, because I'm honestly super proud of how it came out! But i just never got around to it— super happy I get to share it with you all now :]

#tangotek #solidaritygaming #trafficshipping #team rancher #double life #jimmy solidarity #ranchers #tango #traffic smp #dlsmp #double life smp #art escapades #There are a few other album covers i did back when i did this one so if those songs aren't picked i'll try to remember to share them too!!#though theyre yogs hehehe <3 #still some of the best pieces i've done recently :>#trafficblr #solidango #solidaritek #rancher duo

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jammydodger3579 · 6 months ago

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Young Lust

Summary: Reader is an ex-widow. She escaped with Yelena and lives at the Avengers compound, though she denies being one. The X-men have been working with the Avengers quite closely lately. (I plan on making this a series so that's all the context you get for now hehe)

A/N: so this is the first piece I've put out in a long time so pls be kind, feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. idk when I'll post the second chapter so enjoy this for now. Also couldn't stop listening to Young Lust by Pink Floyd and Closer by Nine Inch Nails while writing this iykyk ;)

18+, for mature audiences only.

1000+ word count.

Warnings: smut, p/v sex. cursing? I'm really bad at writing smut so apologies

It wasn’t the first time they’d met, it was just the first time he’d noticed her. Her hair, messily curled. Her makeup, strikingly bold. It suits her. Y/N noticed him too. Drink in hand, leaning against the kitchen island. He seems to have put effort into his appearance for this night. His hair was done, his beard freshly shaven. He even wore his nicest jeans and jacket. Y/N was half listening to a conversation between Kitty and Yelena. Something about how Kitty had come to be at the mansion. They all got along, especially since the Avengers, and their associates like Y/N and Yelena, wanted to bridge the gap between them and the X-men.

Professor Xavier had come to the compound around 3 months ago to discuss with Stark the future of the X-men and how they should all work together. They were practically already neighbours, Stark remarked, the Avengers compound being only a 20-minute drive from the school. Logan had visited that day, sparking up a conversation with Y/N and Bucky.

“So you’re an avenger?” She looked up and smiled at the large man.

“Only by association. They give me a place to live, and I help them out with missions” She shrugged and stood up. Compared to her, Logan towered over her. “So you’re an X-man?”

“Only by association” Logan nodded and noticed the Professor leaving Starks office. And with that, he was gone. Y/N sighed. Bucky stood up and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Guess we’ll be seeing more of them,” He said. He was right, Y/N would be seeing a lot of Logan. She wanted to know more.

The X-men had successfully worked with the Avengers for a series of related missions, Y/N only onboard for some of them, so as a celebration of their success, Professor Xavier hosted a dinner night for the Avengers. Y/N parted ways with the woman and walked over to Logan. She leaned over the counter and poured herself a drink.

“Enjoying yourself?” They’d only spoken a few times during their missions. They seemed to work well together without talking. Logan nodded and took a sip of his drink. “I’ve never actually been here before, it’s nice”

“It is, have you had the tour yet?” Logan pulled a cigar out of his pocket. “I need fresh air anyway, so I can show you around a bit” Y/N nodded and followed him out of the kitchen. They walked through the dining room and a living room. One of a few, Logan had said. They made their way outside to the back of the building. Y/N watched as Logan lit his cigar and she took this opportunity to light herself a cigarette. Logan scoffed slightly. “Didn’t peg you for a smoker, bub”

She smiled and shrugged. “Sometimes you just need a cigarette,” Logan nodded, understanding. He couldn’t help but notice her face, under the moonlight. Her makeup making her features more prominent. He’d recognized she was naturally pretty before, but tonight was different. She was wearing casual, nice clothing. Not her usual tactical gear. Her hair was down unlike how she usually had it. She looked almost regular, someone you wouldn’t expect to have a gun tucked under her skirt. But she was raised to be prepared for anything. “Tell me, how does the Professor feel about his teachers smoking on school grounds?”

“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him. Besides, it’s a stressful job” Y/N was drawn to him, especially tonight. Maybe it was just the alcohol or the moonlight. Something in her stirred. She needed more. His massive body, his arms around her…

They’d had a moment, about 3 weeks back, a one-time thing. Logan was at the compound with Bobby and Kitty, discussing some information they had with the team. Y/N wasn’t a part of the conversation, she had just been training with Yelena. As she walked into the room, the conversation died down. Stark called the meeting there and everyone piled out of the room. Except for Logan, he stayed behind. They made small talk, but there was tension between them. He’d seen how she’d fight, still looking gorgeous after each punch. Even after she’d been training, she barely looked bothered. Logan was collecting files from around the table when he leaned past Y/N, brushing past her shoulder. He held his breath, fearing something would happen if he moved.

“Good workout?” he finally said, breaking the tension.

“Could’ve joined, y’know, since we’re a “team” now” She replied calmly, leaning against the table. “God knows I need a new training partner, Yelena is relentless”

“You guys are very close.” Logan was still standing right next to Y/N. He extended his claws out to retrieve the last file on the table.

“We were raised together, in the red room... We escaped together, and when she found her sister, she offered for us to stay here. We were family, shared trauma and all..” she trailed off, shaking her head “Sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping all this onto you”

“It’s okay, I get it” Logan looked over. He saw a vulnerable woman, not the same snide-commenting one he’d gotten to know on the battlefield. His gaze flickered between her eyes and her lips, hurt washing over her face. And then it happens. Y/N had leaned in and kissed Logan. By instinct, he pulled back, shock all over his face.

“Oh my god, I’m so sor-” Y/N was cut off by Logan's lips crashing against hers. His hands dropped the files and moved to her waist, pulling her in flush against his body. He was rough, his lips chapped. She was comfortable, her lips soft. Y/N lifted a hand into his hair. That caused Logan to pull away again, second-guessing what he was doing.

“No I’m sorry, you’re upset and I’m taking advantage.” Logan grabbed the files off the table and left the room, leaving Y/N alone with her thoughts. It felt like second nature, the act itself feeling so normal that it left Y/N feeling confused. Why had she done that? Why did she open up like that? Logan was an X-men. They should be working together, not getting together behind closed doors.

“You’re cold, here” That snapped Y/N back. Logan removed his jacket and put it around her, his hands lingering on her shoulders. Y/N leaned in and kissed his cheek without thinking. Stupid. Logan smiled and kissed her forehead. It was instant. Y/N put her cigarette out, took Logan's cigar away from his mouth, and kissed him. It was hungry, desperate. To her surprise, logan leaned into it this time, putting one hand around her waist and the other on her face. Then he pulled away. “I wouldn’t take a man's cigar away from him, sweetheart,” he said, taking it back.

“What are you gonna do about it” The words escaped before she could think about it. Then, without warning, Logan took her hand and pulled her inside the building. This was exciting. He found an empty broom closet and the two went inside. Before she could ask what was happening, Logan had her pinned against the door. They could hear talking and laughter. Logan locked the door, just in case. Y/N was drinking in his scent, the cigar still burning between his lips. He removed it, put it out against his hand, and placed it back in his pocket. He was thinking about it, a suitable punishment.

“Let's see, what would a dirty woman like you deserve” he snarled before kissing her again. It was heated, sloppy. Y/N had been waiting for a moment like this for months. Before this, it was stolen looks and glances towards the other. He would casually ask if she was okay during their missions. Constantly checking in. This was different. This was heading somewhere. Finally.

She moved her right leg to wrap around Logan’s left leg in an attempt to bring him closer. He kisses her roughly, poking his tongue inside his mouth to show whos boss here. Logan’s hands roamed her body, smiling when he found the gun she had hidden for emergencies. He removed it carefully before returning to explore Y/N’s body. He left marks down her neck, causing a loud moan to escape. Logan placed a hand over her mouth, the other returning to her leg. She leaned into him, desperate for him to feel her. She could feel his growing erection against her. She muffled something against his hand quietly. He moved it away.

“I need you” she panted, she was eager, he’ll give her that. He wanted to devour her. He pulled down her underwear and traced her clit painfully slow.

“So wet for me already,” he purred. Her hips moved closer, wanting more. Her hands roamed his chest, then moved down to his belt. She started to unbuckle it, fumbling as she was very distracted when he stopped her. He moved away slightly, taking in his view. He quickly took his belt off with one swift tug and then freed himself of his pants. Y/N’s eyes widened at the sight, daunted by his size. Logan smiled and returned his lips to hers. He placed his hands under her thighs and lifted her onto him slowly. Y/N moaned against the contact. “Shh, I’ll need you to be more quiet sweetheart”

Logan got a good rhythm going before returning his lips to a special spot on Y/N’s neck. She whimpered, not wanting anyone to hear her get fucked against a door. Her legs wrapped themselves around Logan's waist, not wanting him to leave. His hand covered her mouth, not wanting any noise to escape. He nibbled and licked and kissed all along Y/N’s neck. Her hand reached into his hair, holding on for dear life. She was already close to her end. She bit the inside of Logan's hand. This made him speed up his thrusts, knowing she was almost close to coming undone around him.

“Such a dirty girl, taking me so well,” Logan growled against her skin. His movements were getting rough and sloppy, also close to his climax. Lust filled his eyes when he saw the pleasure on Y/N’s face. He became animalistic almost, kissing her, dominating her mouth. Y/N could feel the build-up coming, moaning against Logan's mouth, no longer caring about the possibility of being heard. He placed his hand back over her mouth as she came around him. Logan continued until a deep grunt left his mouth, coming undone inside her. Y/N felt him fill her up, and it drips around Logan's waist. They're both breathing heavily and kissing each other sloppily. They rode out the high together for as long as possible before Logan placed her back down. Her heart was racing, she couldn’t believe what had just happened. Logan pulled his pants back up and adjusted his belt. He didn’t know what to say. Y/N was still trying to catch her breath when he handed her gun and underwear back to her. She put everything back into place when Logan broke their silence. “I hope we can do that again sometime bub” and before she could reply, Logan had left the closet, returning to the dinner night.

Part 2: here.

#logan howlett #logan howlett x reader #logan howlett smut #deadpool and wolverine #deadpool 3 #wolverine #wolverine smut #wolverine x reader #james logan howlett #hugh jackman

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madschiavelique · 11 days ago

Text

A Crown of Ink : Chapter 12 - Six of Cups, Reversed

summary : holidays are over, and the trip to demacia starts off quite particularly. also, be prepared for two new characters to be introduced in this

content warnings : none lmfao, BOO forced proximity, BOO um speaking heart to heart? feelings are scary man

word count : 9.4k

author's note : okay after much emotional torment i'm HERE! i changed campus in the mean time and am about to get back to school soon, so i thought i could let y'all get this piece of food in the mean time since chances are i won't be able to post in a while - as always, i have no clue of whether this is good or not IM JUST A GIRL OKAY

NOT proofread for now

masterlist : here ．．discord : here ．．playlist : here

The holiday had gone well, you and Eris having taken advantage of the money Jayce had given you before the masquerade to spend afternoons shopping and exploring. You weren't particularly proud of the gesture, but if he was, according to Eris's reading, perfectly well off financially, then perhaps you could afford to be a little selfish.

You had roamed almost every street in Piltover, entering an unimaginable number of shops and hanging around to buy pastries and other delicacies.

Eris was partly stared at by her few piercings, but she didn't really care. The Pilties could call her a louse all they wanted and she wouldn't even hear them.

She had bought new notebooks which she used for her personal Tarot readings, Piltover's paper being transcendently different from Zaun's. The two of you went round bookshops, buying a variety of works, both historical and fictional, and leaving with bags full of new tomes to add to your personal libraries.

The goodbyes came too quickly for your liking, as per usual. After spending a long night talking about everything and nothing, as you always did, and sacrificing your sleep for the pleasure of longer company, you walked Eris back to the bridge.

You hugged each other tightly, promising to send each other letters as you always did, and parted again. You'd waited until she'd reached the end of the bridge before waving goodbye and turning away.

You had returned to the emptiness of your flat, regaining the feeling that lived with you just a few months ago. No flatmate, no friends in the building, just you and your thoughts.

It was strange. The routine that had so quickly settled into your life had profoundly upset your principles, and now that you were momentarily back to them, you had no desire to be here.

Of course you appreciated your solitude, your possibility of having time just for yourself, without no one else around. But everything had undergone a metamorphosis, like a snake shedding its old skin and leaving it somewhere for someone to come back and see the slimness of its silhouette and admire its evolution.

You felt sorry for your old carcass, what was left of it was miserable and it seemed impossible to get rid of it entirely. The paint still hadn't dried on the walls of your soul and your mind, and you wondered when the day would come when you'd finally be able to hang pictures on them without staining anything.

Fortunately for you, however, Sky arrived a few days after Eris had left and gave you a hug. She had loosened up and backed away from you when she remembered that she had a cold and didn't want to give it to you.

You chatted a bit about your holiday before the last weekend of the break came and you went back to work.

Pearl finally found you again and took you in her arms, her new perfume permeating the whole room with an exquisite blend of jasmine and geraniums.

"What happened to you?" She asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "You look good!"

You smiled at her. "Did you see yourself? I don't think any customer will be able to give you their order in one go from your charm."

She grinned, giggling. "I never thought you were born without a frown," she remarked as she passed behind the counter, "you have to tell me your secret."

You hadn't really changed anything aesthetically, but you felt that something was profoundly better, like a constant relief that enveloped your shoulders.

The other morning's discussion with Viktor had given you a different perspective. You expected to see him at every street corner, to hear the distinct sound of his cane on the parquet floor of the café and for him to approach the counter to ask you for his usual mocha in a walnut-cracking accent, his lips closing his sentence to forbid any possible rebuttal.

You wondered if he would stick to the last clause, and therefore come and visit you at the café during this last weekend, unless he was finally enjoying not having to put up with your nonsense any more.

You finally imitated Pearl and joined her behind the counter.

"No secret," you said as you made sure your apron was neatly tied, "just the fresh relief of being on holiday. Oh and the exciting dread of going on a trip."

"You? Getting out of this place?" She questioned, crossing her arms over her chest.

You made sure the condiment stand was perfectly arranged. "If you have any gift ideas you'd like to get from Demacia, I will try my best to get it for you."

"Demacia?" Pearl exclaimed. "What's your visit to the White City worth?"

"A class trip, something to strengthen the ties between Piltover Academy and Demacia Academy apparently," you recited.

"I've always found Demacians pretentious and with a very black-and-white mentality with no in-betweens," Pearl remarked with a shrug, "but I envy some of their seaside scenery. Don't bother with plants or anything, theirs are temperamental and real calamities to maintain. Just like their guys."

You smiled, arching an eyebrow. "Did you have a fling with one of them?"

She sighed. "I don't really hear from him any more, it turns out he ended up in prison and I left the White City to move here instead."

You frowned. "In prison?"

"You heard perfectly," she smiled, "of course I had my rebellious side back then. But what can I say? He was handsome, intelligent, captivating..."

"Another second and I find you leaning over the counter, your cheek in your palm as you curl a lock of hair around your finger thoughtfully like a schoolgirl." You smiled, imitating the gesture as she pressed her fist against your shoulder.

"Haha," she laughed falsely, "mock me. We'll talk about it again when you too have someone your eyes are looking for in every room you go into."

Your smile faded at this simple phrase, straightening as you tried to pretend that her remark hadn't affected you. However, nothing escaped your colleague's sharp gaze.

"Did I..." her eyes crinkled as her lips stretched into a mischievous smile, "did I hit a nerve."

"There's nothing to hit," you sighed as you uselessly ran your hands over your uniform to pretend to smooth out the creases.

She gazed at you for a moment, her eyes gracefully made up with a light brown shadow surrounding you.

"Is it Jayce?"

You giggled. "What? No, plus," you leaned towards her, "sorry to break your chances but he is already taken."

"With such a face I would have been worried if it had been otherwise."

The café doors opened before Pearl could say anything more about the situation, the first customer entering and your day finally beginning.

Yet as the day wore on, you kept coming back to Pearl's words.

Why were you seeing Viktor everywhere?

You found him in the Mochas you served, the dark brown of the coffee reminding you of his hair, his smell, the faith of waking up to warmth.

You found him in the violet of the falling night, in the pansy flowers that persisted through the winter, in the fabric of your masquerade dress that you sometimes pinched between your fingers in the morning while deciding what to wear.

You found him in the amber of the hall fire, in the candles of the street lamps that guided you home, in the sun that caressed you in the morning and bid you farewell in a show of colour in the evening.

He haunted you, even in his absence.

The remedy for this came soon enough, however, when the day of departure arrived, and your whole class gathered on the zeppelin arrival docks. An army of students bundled up in scarves, hats and mittens swarmed around as the sun barely rose, tracing the gargantuan silhouette of your means of transport.

Of all the zeppelins moored on the quays, The Young Prince was the most massive. Of a length that you couldn't even make out from where you were standing, it bore its name in capital gold letters that stood out brightly against its creamy colour. You remember hearing that it was a technological feat that drastically cut travel times. What's more, it, which was usually used to move heavier goods, would go faster given that for this journey it would only be carrying you.

"Come closer, come closer!" Heimerdinger called, having made his way onto a cubic container about your size so that the group could see him properly.

With his fur, he didn't seem to suffer from the cold, apart from his nose and ears which were a little redder than their usual pink.

"All right," he clapped his hands together when he had your attention, "first of all, hello everyone."

The class replied with meagre hellos, their voices tired. Your eyes searched Viktor and Jayce for a moment before returning to those of Heimerdinger once you'd understood you couldn't find them yet.

"We are going to go over a few details of our trip aboard The Young Prince here, so that our little group stands on the same wavelength. First of all," he raised a gloved finger in the air, "the speed of this prestigious machine will have the privilege of getting us to Demacia by tomorrow morning. The journey will therefore be one day, and one night, and that's why we're going to leave it up to you to choose your cabin partner."

You'd fully expected to find yourself sleeping during the journey, and the possibility of sharing a cabin with someone had of course percolated through your mind. When you turned to Sky, however, Orceylia had already attached herself to her arm.

Although you weren't particularly thrilled about this, you were expecting it. The fact that you lived with her and therefore already spent a lot of time with her must have been the winning argument for you to end up like this.

"Professor, can the cabins be mixed?" A classmate asked.

Heimerdinger nodded, bringing his hands behind his back. "The cabins are indeed co-ed."

Some of the classmates looked at each other with knowing glances before Heimerdinger resumed his explanation.

"I would ask you, however, to choose wisely, given that the duo you will form with your partner will remain the same during our stay." He took a small step to the side. "As part of your, how shall I put it... ah! Immersion, you will be assigned to another pair of Demacian Academy students who will be your guides during our stay."

That's all we needed, you thought. You weren't too keen on the idea of socialising, but you could see how it could potentially enrich your academic life.

"Well, I'll leave you free to go on board and choose your cabins with your fellow traveller," he chirped, "we will have plenty of time to discuss your stay and what is in store for us on the journey."

Without further ado, the students began to move forward, and you had no idea who your travelling partner would be.

It was then that a tall brunette head emerged from the crowd, accompanied by his eternal sidekick, chatting away.

Viktor had his back to you, and Jayce was talking to him, his face tucked into his collar as his gaze met yours. He smiled at you, waving and coming towards you as Viktor turned.

His eyes landed on you, and you felt a warmth spread through your chest.

"Come there," Jayce laughed as he came to hug you, having not had a chance to see you for a while.

His thick arms held you so tightly he could have broken your ribs. "Your comfort will be short-lived if you don't let me breathe," you managed to mumble.

"Oh," he stepped back, suddenly aware of his strength, "sorry."

Viktor reached your level in turn, your eyes settling on him with a small smile.

"Hey."

He smiled at you back, "Hey."

"Are you sharing your cabin with Sky?" Jayce inquired.

You shrug. "No, she's already got someone else."

"Great!" He exclaimed.

You arch an eyebrow. "Great?"

"I mean," he laughed nervously as his eyes darted between you and Viktor before he put his hand on Viktor's shoulder, "Viktor doesn't have a cabin partner! Why don't you guys just temporarily become roommates?"

"Jayce," Viktor began, "I don't think forcing this choice on Miss would be appropriate-"

"I'm sure everything will work out just fine," he smiled, turning to you, "what do you say?"

You pursed your lips, apprehensive to contradict him, but immediately closed them in consideration. It was only for one night, in a bunk bed, sleeping. Nothing more, nothing less surely.

"I thought you were as inseparable as a fingernail and a finger," you remarked as you exchanged glances with Viktor.

The latter parted his lips for a moment as he turned to Jayce.

"It seems my dearest work partner has found a subterfuge to escape my impossibly clingy attitude," he commented with a sigh.

"Hey don't say that!" Jayce snarled at the sarcasm. "You're the one that refuses hugs, not me."

"You refused a Jayce hug?" You asked, falsely shocked.

"He obviously put aside the fact that he could break any of us like a toothpick," he sighed.

"Which is exactly the reason why I'm not sharing a cabin with you." Jayce turned to you. "I've already had a chance to visit the ship upstream, the beds are too short for me. I have to sleep on the bottom mattress so my feet don't dangle out into the void for my cabin mate."

You understood the situation. Given that Viktor wouldn't be able to climb the ladder leading to the top mattress without immense discomfort, it was preferable that he occupy the bottom place, which could prove to be a slight problem if Jayce, who was easily the size of a fridge, had to take the top bunk.

"Alright," you nodded.

Both men turned to you, Jayce asking first. "Alright?"

You shrugged, resting your eyes on Viktor's. "I don't mind sharing cabins with you."

Viktor seemed as stunned as Jayce that you'd agreed, especially as the latter seemed taken aback by the simple fact that you hadn't glared at Viktor even once since the start of this conversation.

"Are you sure?" Viktor asked anyway.

You nodded. "Yes."

"Really? Because," he shrugged, his hand readjusting on his cane, "if you don't that is profoundly understandable you know?"

You chuckled. "Why would that be understandable?"

"I should probably point out," Jayce pointed out, "that until recently you wanted to threaten him with salt or poison his coffee."

"Glad it's something that can remain in the past then," you replied, nodding and raising your eyebrows.

Jayce seemed deeply confused, his head continually swivelling between Viktor and you. "Did I miss something?"

"No," Viktor laughed softly, lowering his head and swinging his cane slightly against the floor.

"Plus I don't think I should be in danger with Viktor in my cabin," you added.

The latter returned your gaze. "Really? What makes you think you would be so safe?"

You let a playful smile spread across your face. "What're you going to do? Pounce on me?"

"Don't be so quick to think of this possibility as evitable," he straightened, chin high as his half-closed eyes remained on yours, "we still haven't had our chance to race after all."

"Race?" Jayce repeated, seeming to sink deeper and deeper into the quicksand of confusion. "Don't tell me you guys are in another competitive state again."

"I don't know who would win," you smiled, "that would be very close..."

But the words you were hoping to form faded from your lips as a blonde head you knew all too well came into your field of vision.

Tyler, dressed in a long coat and turtleneck, advanced with a clenched jaw towards the small bridge leading to the airship. He didn't offer you a glance, but your eyes had enough time to notice a purple mark on his cheekbone.

If your eyes weren't deceiving you, it was indeed a huge haematoma spreading across his cheek. This time, however, you had no recollection of having been the reason behind it.

"What happened to him?" You asked.

Jayce and Viktor turned to him in turn, Jayce sighing.

"Since when to you care about his state?" Viktor inquired.

"I don't," you corrected, "I'm just curious."

Jayce shook his head slightly. "From what I heard from Mel," he raised his fingers, looking at you both, "and don't tell anyone you heard that from me from her, it looks like Hoskel's been trying to correct some of Tyler's behaviour."

"Wouldn't be too late." You crossed your arms as you watched the blond's silhouette enter the airship. "Which behaviours exactly?"

"I think your little presentation to Councillor Hoskel at the masquerade and the eventual link made by his idiotic brain between the first time Tyler came back with a broken nose and you are of effect."

"Hmm," you hummed, biting the inside of your cheek lightly.

You had no empathy for him, he'd disgusted you enough to last a lifetime, but it was deeply strange to see him like this. Violence, no matter where it came from, was always an alien on someone else's skin.

"I think we should get on The Young Prince before he leaves without us and all the cabins are taken," suggested Viktor, beginning his walk towards it.

You followed him, Jayce and Viktor's poor sense of direction in linear spaces clearly getting the better of them as you took the lead to guide them. Heimerdinger was there, making the roll call and ensuring that all the students were present.

Once this was done, the students dispersed, each returning to the cabins they had begun to occupy. Jayce rejoined his sleeping partner, leaving you and Viktor to look for a cabin. You finally found an empty one, and beckoned Viktor to come in.

The space wasn't large. It was a small long room with no windows, simply furnished with a bunk bed, a small wardrobe for longer journeys, and the luxury of a tap and mirror.

The toilets were apparently at the end of the corridor, and you'd probably be without showers for the whole of this short trip to save water.

You trudged along, bringing your suitcase to the side of the bed. The space was far too small, but it wasn't for comfort, it was simply to get through the night so you could get on with your task.

You turned to Viktor, who also seemed to be observing the cabin with no particular expression.

“You don't snore, do you?” You questioned, removing your scarf and placing it on your mattress.

He shrugged, his eyes still roaming the few elements in the room before regaining your gaze. “No, however you talk in your sleep.”

You recoiled in confusion, as Sky had never mentioned this detail before. “I what?”

He stepped forward, passing in front of you. “When you had your fever,” he sat down on the bottom mattress with a heavy sigh, “you kept mumbling things in your sleep.”

You chuckled, crossing your arms over your chest. “I was delirious, that doesn't make it a recurring occurrence.”

“Does it now?” You recognized his playful tone of condescension elegantly disguised as levity.

You tilted your head down slightly, chewing your cheek to prevent a smile from spreading too far across your lips. “Careful, Moravec,” you emphasized, ”Tyler might not have received his purple stain from me but that doesn't mean your favourite colour needs to lay on your face as well.”

He came to rest his chin on his cane, pensive for a moment without finding your gaze. “You had no difficulty wearing it to the masquerade, though,” he remarked, regaining your eyes.

Your cheeks warmed slightly and you decided to shed your coat and hang it on one of the corners of the bed. “What's this got to do with anything?”

“It has to do with everything,” he confirmed.

“I didn't know purple had such power,” you breathed.

“It's not the things themselves that have power, it's we who give them power.”

“What a transcendent and revolutionary philosophy, it's well worth a few lyrical songs and a quotation in yet another modern collection of two-bit poetry.”

He smiles, playful. “I'd mention your name in the credit of that work, which is sure to make me excessively rich with young ladies.”

You chuckled, the vision of middle-school girls scrambling to get hold of the book and crying that very evening over pithily simple and mediocre quotes. “I hope the cover is purple then.”

He nodded, smiling. You couldn't help but feel relief, a pleasant reunion that reassured you and filled you with joy. Your useless little quarrels and verbal jousts had changed little, and you found more enthusiasm in them than you would have thought.

You had wondered whether time and distance would change you, make you... awkward around each other. But it didn't, and the familiarity of this strange complicity covered your heart with warmth.

The vehicle began to shake, the take-off had begun. You turned to him.

“Wanna race to the windows?”

He laughed softly in a hum. “I think I'll pass on this one,” he sighed before lying back on his mattress, ”short night calls for a short nap.”

You nodded. “See you at lunch then?”

“See you at lunch, Miss.”

You smiled, strangely missing the appellation on his lips, even if the origin of the nickname seemed dubious. You'd long thought it was just another nickname, a polite etiquette. He did call Sky that after all, and so did she. But there was something, a secret truth, a whisper ready to burst near your ear and your heart that would explain everything.

You left the cabin, joining the other students in what appeared to be a large common space.

Despite its industrial appearance and more-than-welcoming, useful nature, the Young Prince's overall space was not unpleasant. On the sides of the room, large bay windows gave you an unobstructed view of the sunrise, which covered all the clouds in a layer of cottony orange.

A few sofas and armchairs were arranged and had no doubt been moved by the students for better immersion. Card games were already out on one side, while a small group of students surrounded Heimerdinger, listening to his rantings.

Sky beckoned you to join her on the sofa for a game of cards, and you smiled as you reached her.

The day had gone by faster than you'd expected. After many games of cards, it was time for lunch, which had been prepared for you by the crew. Viktor finally joined you at this point, an unearthed man's head accompanying him in an equally energetic gait.

Jayce came over to him, putting his hand on his shoulder and urging him over to one of the windows leading outside, Viktor seeming to tense up instantly. Perhaps he was afraid of heights? Or airsick?

The departure had been an assembly of sensations to take in, the floor vibrated slightly, and the ventilation left a continuous muffled sound in the air, like that of an air leak or an old refrigerator. But you'd forgotten both by force of habit.

The rest of the day was taken up with a lecture by Professor Heimerdinger on the various regions you were flying over and their histories, interspersed here and there with anecdotes from his own travels that allowed you to lift your quills from your papers for a moment.

It was already getting dark outside when his class was over, and a little historical lesson this time about the Young Prince was presented to you, which you could only partially listen to.

The truth is, you were feeling very distracted. Your eyes and thoughts kept returning to Viktor, as if they were drawn to him like magnets and you couldn't shake the feeling.

Was it just some kind of compensation? Like a way of lightening the invisible balance of not having seen or crossed paths with him for a long time?

But a week wasn't such a long time, was it? It was only a handful of days, just a little while during which you hadn't seen him, heard him or exchanged with him.

All in all, now that you thought about it, it had seemed like an eternity.

You pushed the thought from your mind, trying to divert your gaze to the nighttime outside, and take your mind off things by playing a few more games of cards until dinnertime came and went, and bedtime took its place.

And that inevitably you'd find yourself with him to endure in the same room for an entire night.

When you returned to your room, Viktor was already there. He had propped his cane against the bed's ladder while his long fingers worked on the buttons of his uniform jacket.

Your eyes lingered for a moment on their movement, their meticulous, habitual pinching, pushing dark, shiny disks out of their housings as he shed his jacket and moved on to his shirt. Your cheeks heated for a moment, straining to look away and reach for your suitcase to open it and grab your toiletry bag.

You felt his gaze on you, kneeling on the floor as you grabbed your toothbrush and toothpaste to face the sink. In the reflection, you saw the pale, mole-strewn skin of Viktor's torso.

He wasn't as thin as you'd thought. He didn't necessarily have bulging muscles the size of tree trunks like Jayce, but he wasn't devoid of muscle. He was lean.

When he offered you his back in sight as he sat down to open his suitcase and grab his pajamas for the night, you noticed a small metallic sliver stretching across his back like bolts along an arch.

You'd heard of this kind of procedure, a spinal fusion, an operation aimed at straightening the spine and preventing it from drifting into deformity.

You could imagine that Viktor's posture wasn't intact, that his leaning on his cane must have greatly impacted the tension in his muscles due to the lack of support.

“I can feel you staring at me,” he remarked as he slipped on his top, ”You aren't being subtle, you know.”

Your cheeks heated with embarrassment as you lowered your eyes and deposited a line of toothpaste on the straight bristles of your toothbrush.

“Sorry,” was all you managed to say as you stuffed the brush into your mouth, tucking your free hand under your elbow as you began to brush.

But your eyes inevitably fell back on the back of his head, on his hair, slightly messy after his nap. What would it be like the next morning when you woke up?

“Are you trying to piece a hole in my skull?”

You smiled slightly, removing your toothbrush from your mouth to articulate despite the foam. “Is it working?”

You couldn't see his face, but from where you were you could see his cheekbones rise. “I guess the only way to find out is for you to continue doing so, which would bring me ultimately to ask - why are you staring at me?”

You let your toothbrush hang in the air for a moment, the freshness of your toothpaste invading your mouth and almost anesthetizing it.

“Just wondering,” you finally say, before bringing it back into your mouth and simply speeding your brushing.

He then stood up, pants in hand. “Wondering about what?”

You stopped brushing again, sighing as your gaze met Viktor's in the mirror, taking your toothbrush out of your mouth once more.

“Wondering when you're going to ask me to close my eyes,” you replied, your eyes landing on his pants as you resumed brushing.

He smiled, slightly surprised all the same. Surely he was expecting to have to go to the toilet at the end of the corridor and bother trying to change in a very small and uncomfortable space.

“That would be now,” he affirmed.

You nodded, spitting into the sink before turning to the nearest corner of the room and lowering your head.

“Tell me when you're done,” you noted simply before resuming your toothbrushing.

He said nothing, the silence simply inhabited by your brushing in the room taking over before you heard the distinguishable thud of a cloth settling on a blanket. You heard the distinct sound of a metal belt buckle being clutched, and of fabric flowing down thighs to end in a heap of folds. You could hear him grabbing his other pair of pants, of a fabric already lighter than the academy pants, and slipping them on.

“Done,” he announced simply.

You returned to the sink as if nothing had happened, trying as best you could to avoid his gaze, but feeling it on you you couldn't help but meet his eyes again.

It was, of course, the first time you'd seen Viktor in his pyjamas. A simple loose-fitting t-shirt and loose-fitting brown plaid pants. You'd never seen him in such relaxed clothes, but the snag was that one of your own pyjamas you'd brought along was almost identical.

“Did you go through my stuff?” You asked as you finished cleaning your teeth and rinsed your mouth one last time.

“What?” He asked, confused by this remark.

You sighed, looking at his outfit for a moment. “Turn around, I'm gonna change.”

He nodded, asking no more questions and turning around, imitating you and lowering his head. You couldn't help noticing that he had a more defined back than you'd expected, under his black T-shirt.

You grabbed your pajamas, shedding your uniform in turn.

“Why would I go through your stuff?” He asked, still motionless as you finally took off your shirt and felt the air in the room stick against your skin.

You slipped the top on quickly, switching to your belt buckle. “You will understand soon.”

Your pants fell into a heap of folds on the floor, which you pushed with the tip of your foot before slipping your pants on your legs one by one and tightening the drawstring so that they wouldn't fall.

You watched him for a moment, his back to you. He seemed so far from the academic you knew, and a warmth settled for a moment in your belly just at the thought of how being friends with him outside of the frame of the Academy settled warmly near your heart.

“You can look now,” you finally said, surprisingly nervous.

He turned, and raised his eyebrows. His eyes returned to yours for a moment, as if for confirmation that this wasn't some kind of joke, before continuing their observation.

He seemed to part his lips for a moment, as if to say something, but nothing came as he closed them again. His eyes watched his own outfit, surprised.

“How could it be the same color as well...” he said, almost absently.

“Did you go through my stuff?” You asked again.

His eyes returned to you. “Do I look like the kind of guy that would go through your stuff?”

You sighed. “No,” you admitted.

He couldn't help but laugh softly for a moment, however, before turning away from you and sitting down on his bed.

“What?” You asked, confused by his laughter.

He chuckled softly before reaching into his satchel and pulling out a book for the night.

“It seems that whatever happens fate always finds a way to bring us back on the same level,” he smiled, exchanging a glance with you before pulling open the tucked-in blanket and slipping under it.

You weren't in the mood to sleep yet, or to stop talking to him, strangely enough.

You came to cross your arms, hooking your leg in front of the other as you pressed your shoulder against the ladder of your bunk bed.

He was watching you, waiting for what you were going to say. You held his gaze for a moment before lowering it, biting the inside of your cheek as the floor seemed a much better conversation companion.

“You didn't come to the café at all,” you confessed.

He was half-sitting up in bed, leaning on one elbow as he watched you. He seemed surprised, as if some deeply sad news had just been delivered.

“We had to unpack a bit too many boxes,” he explained.

You shrugged, tentatively regaining his eyes. “I could have helped.”

“You were with your friend,” he emphasized with a gentle smile, ”it would have been rude to disturb her stay by depriving her of your presence.”

You rolled your eyes, remembering the number of elbows Eris kept nudging you with as she urged you to go and find them eventually. “I doubt my presence would have made that much difference.”

“Believe me, it would have,” Viktor admitted.

You straightened up. “What do you mean?”

“I don't think you've ever tasted Jayce's coffee, and I hope you never experience it, or rather, the torture of it.” He grabbed his book, settling back against his pillow as he gained his page. “Jayce was so fed up with my wincing that he finally suggested the idea of hiring you as our personal barista.”

“Really?” You chuckled lightly as you imagined Jayce's face breaking down as each attempt he made at his coffees was perpetually punctuated by a frown from his sidekick. “How's it paid.”

“We give you a little paper for each day and we add these gold star stickers on for all your good coffees until you get unlimited access to Heimerdinger's lab.”

Your eyebrows jumped to the ceiling. “You guys have access to his lab?”

Viktor abandoned his reading to regain your gaze. “His previous assistant, remember?

The discussion you'd had with him a few weeks ago before the exams came back to mind, your fingers tingling under the memory of his wrist in your hand.

“Ah,” you remarked, ”right.”

A short moment passed during which neither of you said anything. You remembered that discussion so well, how could you forget it when it had been so profoundly decisive?

You were about to climb the ladder to your bed before he broke the silence.

“Why were you so adamant about being first all the time?”

You paused in your movements, your hands resting on the ladder's handrails as the question stirred a bitter feeling in your stomach.

“Was it just pure perfectionism? Or... something else?”

You regained his gaze, inhaling harshly. “Something else,” you confirmed.

“Which was?” He asked.

Sure, you were friends with Viktor, but were you really ready to open up to him on this subject?

“I can't tell you yet,” you sighed, pressing your lips into a thin line, ”but... I guess once you hit the ground really hard you never really want to jump from that cliff again.”

Her eyes tried to pierce you, to detect beneath the innuendo and your enigmatic answers the truth so shy and distant.

“Hmm,” he hummed before lowering his eyes to his book.

Part of you wanted to talk to him about it, for him to understand the genesis of your intentions, but you didn't feel up to facing this yet. It was too soon.

When you finally climbed into bed and picked up your own book for the evening, you couldn't help thinking about the card you'd drawn that very morning.

The six of cups had seemed so sweet to you, with its little illustration of cups full of flowers. The description of it, however, came less close to softness as the card came out upside down - reversed.

Gifts from the heart. A walk down memory lane. Kindness. Sharing. Protection.

Two children share a cup in a walled town. Flowers grow from the cups, implying growth and manifestation in the real world. The silhouette of an adult man, perhaps a soldier, moves away, suggesting that this is a space of youth. Old situations disappear. The exchange of cups between children reflects the gift of the heart.

Only this description didn't seem to be enough for you, and you searched through your belongings for one of the Tarot explanation books Selene had passed you.

The Six of Cups Reversed appears as a reminder to break free from nostalgic sentiments that may be holding us back. In its reversed position, this card signals unresolved issues from the past that we must confront and release in order to move forward. It urges us to let go of old patterns, memories, and attachments that no longer serve our growth. Instead of living in the past, we are encouraged to embrace the present moment and look towards the future with a sense of renewed optimism.

But you couldn't unravel the threads of the past, couldn't untangle them and free yourself from their oppressive embrace. You sincerely hoped, however, that one day you'd be able to break free, to extricate yourself from this spider's web whose mistress was no more.

You turned off the lamp right next to you on the wall, unable to swallow a single line of text in your book.

“Sleeping already, Miss?” you heard just below you.

You sighed. “No, I'm too busy having a conversation with the ceiling right now.”

“Really?” You could hear the smile on his lips. “What is it saying?”

“I don't know, I don't speak ceiling,” you smiled stupidly in turn, ”I just listen to him and nod not to hurt his feelings.”

“How thoughtful of you.” He turned a page in his own book.

“What can I say, I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

He chuckled. “That you do.”

You leaned to the side, protruding from your bunk bed to look at him playfully.

“Was that sarcasm or a generic statement?”

He didn't even turn from the lines of the book to observe you. “A bit of both.”

“How is that a bit of both?”

He sighed, lowering his book to look at you this time. “You're willing to give me free coffee and use your meager vacation time to come and help us move boxes out of our apartment, but if I remember correctly not long ago you flatly refused to pass me a single candle."

You rolled your eyes. “That's because you were forcing on with the magic words.”

“Politeness is no mean feat,” he pointed out before taking up his book again, ”obviously with you anyway.”

“Please and Thank Yous are not meagre things to throw in the air,” you sighed, ”they're words, they have weight on all things. I can't use them haphazardly with the wrong people.”

“Of that I am aware, Miss.”

The underlining of your nickname made your skin itch like nettles.

“When are you going to tell me why you call me that?” you questioned, shaking your head.

“I don't call you just that, i call you Miss,” he corrected.

“Fine,” your eyes rolled into their sockets, “when are you going to tell me why you call me Miss?”

“Once I will know why you were so adamant on being first.”

It was a war of stubbornness, two obstinate relentless people who wouldn't give in for anything in the world. You chuckled, letting yourself fall back into bed with a heavy sigh.

“Have a good night, Miss."

You stirred under your blanket. “Have a night, Moravec.”

There was a moment of silence before you felt a thump under your mattress, hitting right in your back.

“Hey!” You huffed indignantly as you leaned to the side again to stare at him.

He had his cane in hand, depositing it back on the floor as if nothing had happened.

“Are you trying to destroy our pseudo-friendship?” you articulated.

His brows furrowed before his eyes met yours again. “Pseudo? Since when did we demote to the term pseudo?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. This had never been the case, but the fact that he had a reaction when it came to this detail softened you slightly.

“Fine,” you nodded in agreement, ”we haven't demoted.”

But he wasn't about to let this one go, leaning over the side of his bed so he didn't have to tilt his head to talk to you every time. “What would confirm our friendship in your eyes?”

The question left you speechless. What did you want from this friendship? Was it attention? Time? Complicity?

Seeing you dwell on the subject, he squinted. “New clause to the the friendship clause list, we shall always be honest to each other, no matter how much it hurts.”

“I wasn't about to lie,” you corrected.

“Alright then tell me,” Viktor demanded.

“I...” you began, but what did you really want?

Never before had you had a friendship like this one, having had such a different and complex arrival in your life as Viktor, and you found yourself bereft of reference points.

“I don't want our friendship to be rushed,” you admitted, "I know I'm not the easiest to be around, nor the nicest, but," a small piece of skin rising from around one of your fingernails had your full attention as you tried to get rid of it, ”I really want to be your friend. I think I...” you sighed before regaining his gaze, ”I admire you, Viktor. Truly. And I know it's going to take me a while before I can consider myself as your equal and accept that someone like me can be the friend of someone like you.”

His lips parted, his eyes blinking a few times. Maybe you'd said something stupid after all.

Your cheeks warmed, and you looked away, ready to lie down. “Forget it.”

“I admire you too.”

You froze in your tracks, your eyes finding his again. They were soft, sincere.

“What?” The word came out of your mouth, feeling as if you'd heard it wrong and simply couldn't take in the information.

His chest swelled with a deep breath. “You,” he began, his eyes resting on the cover of his book, his index finger tracing the ridges of its leather binding, “you are always so determined, so invested in every matter whether big or small. It felt like you were...” his eyes returned to yours, rising to your height, ”unreachable.”

Your heart felt soft, his revelations taking it between warm palms that caressed and coddled it, whispering sweet words you'd never heard and had to discover with gentleness and not stupor.

“The reason why I kept coming to you and try to speak with you was not out of spite of the consequence of my academic results on you, but because...” His eyes were soft in yours, his lips parted. “Who wouldn't want to have you as a friend?”

You felt a strange sensation around the back of your neck, trying to swallow the emotion that was about to twist your throat like a can.

You breathed in, smiling slightly and lowering your voice, hoping that your throat wouldn't hatch something that would brutally shatter this moment. “I'm not that great of a friend.”

He shrugged, “I mean,” his eyes returned to you with the crease of a smile, “you literally beat Tyler's ass after what he did in the hallway.”

You rolled your eyes. “That's because he deserved it.”

“And yet you were the only person who stepped in,” he emphasized, ”twice.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, reconsidering those moments.

“I don't see a single reason for me not to be your friend,” Viktor resumed.

You rested your cheek on the back of your hand. “I spoke to you horribly.”

“So did I,” he remarked.

“I treated you terribly.

“You were frustrated, anyone would react that way.”

“I threatened you,” you smiled.

“With spitting in my coffee and throwing salt at me. Pretty weak threats if you ask me,” he remarked, one eye crinkling as his lips formed an inverted smile.

You arched an eyebrow. “Challenging me to make better ones?”

He smirked, a flash of mischief crossing his eyes. “Do your worst.”

You smiled softly, a light laugh ricocheting in your throat without ever exceeding the limit of your lips. He sighed, his shoulders relaxing.

“I'm proud to be your friend,” he assured.

Your belly flooded with a warm sensation. A thin smile spread across your lips.

“I'm proud to be your friend too,” you confirmed.

You remained silent for a moment, seeming to soak up this truth, these mutually shared words and the clarifications they had brought to your doubts.

“Prouder than a Demacian?” He questioned maliciously.

You smiled with a sigh. “Let's not get patriotic already, we'll have the entire duration of this trip to taste the regret of coming here.”

“Fine,” Viktor admitted, dropping his book on the floor next to his cane, ”let's sleep to face our incoming enemies.”

You nodded, lying back in bed as Viktor turned off his light.

The room, now bathed in darkness, apart from its orange neon sign indicating where the door was, felt silent. You placed your hands on your belly, its warmth soft and new.

“Goodnight, Viktor,” you murmured.

“Goodnight, Miss,” you heard, a smile spreading his lips.

When the ship's general alarm sounded in the room, you woke up with a jolt. It wasn't a pleasant alarm to wake up to, and you hoped it wouldn't be repeated in the next few minutes.

You struggled out of your blanket, wearily climbing down the bed ladder and fumbling towards the sink mirror to admire the undoubtedly pathetic state in which the night had left you.

As you turned on the light, you heard a grunt. You turned towards the bed, Viktor stirring in his bed and folding his pillow over his head. You suppressed a laugh, grabbing your toothbrush to get rid of your morning breath and rearrange your appearance.

By the time you'd finished rinsing your mouth, Viktor was still asleep. You approached him.

“Hey, time to wake up,” you whispered.

He grumbled, lifting his pillow to see who had the audacity to speak to him. Realizing it was you, he promptly folded back his pillow with a sigh, drifting back to sleep. You smiled, imagining the mornings he and Jayce must have spent when Jayce had to drag Viktor out of bed.

“Want me to get you some coffee?” You suggested.

He stirred slightly, huffing. “Only if you make it.”

His voice was low, husky and hoarse with fatigue. You rolled your eyes. “On it.”

You turned off the mirror light, taking advantage of the room's darkness and the meager neon light to change out of his sight. Once this was done, you quietly left the room.

The corridor was deserted, the other students surely taking their time to wake up. You walked up to the general area, which was practically empty apart from the few members of staff. You approached the counter, asking very politely if you could use their coffee equipment, attesting that you worked in a café and wouldn't damage their material.

They gave you free rein, confirming however that they didn't really have any quality ingredients, just the basics needed for a trip. Still, you managed to find enough to make a mocha, and your usual coffee to wake you up.

The preparation took no time at all, accompanied by the sun waking up over the clouds outside. The world was slowly awakening, and the more or less upright students were already gathering in the common room as you headed back to your cabin, two coffees in hand.

On entering the room, Viktor had at least made the effort to sit up straight, his eyes staring into space and his hair wild. This time, the laughter was harder to suppress and you couldn't help but chuckle.

His eyes left their fictitious points to settle on you, squinting as he frowned.

“Are you mocking me?” He asked.

“I'm not,” you confirmed, stepping towards him, handing him his coffee.

“Why did you laugh then?” He asked, reaching for his cup.

You brought your own coffee to your lips, blowing on it with a smile. “Because of the state of your hair.”

He patted his hair with his free hand, feeling the cowlicks he was going to have to battle with his comb. He sighed at the prospect, bringing the coffee to his lips to take a sip.

He sighed at ease, humming a breath of relief.

“I forgive you,” he articulated.

“Jayce's coffee was that bad?” You sneered.

“No, but your coffee is too good,” he explained, ”my standards will never be the same again.”

There was a knock at the door, and you went to open it. Jayce stood behind it.

“Good morning,” he smiled, looking impeccable as always, ”how was your n- is that coffee?”

His eyes landed on your paper cup.

“Cheers,” Viktor added, raising his coffee cup in the air somewhere behind you.

Jayce's eyes landed on the latter, seeming outraged. “Where did you get those?”

“I made them,” you confirmed, taking a sip.

“Can I get one?” he asked.

“As if you needed to ask,” you smiled.

“Thank you,” he sighed with great relief, ”but first I'm on a mission to get this one out of bed.” He pointed at Viktor, who finally grabbed his cane to straighten up.

“No need,” the latter confirmed as he walked towards you both, ”the power of a great coffee has done enough to make me rise without a problem.”

You let Viktor change while you waited for him outside the cabin.

“So, how was the night?” Questionned Jayce.

“Slept fine, although I have to say the mattresses are really thin,” you replied, taking another sip of your coffee.

“I wasn't enquiring about the quality of your sleep, I was wondering if you and Viktor had a duel to death before sleep,” he corrected.

You shrugged. “Well both of us are still alive, so that must be a positive thing don't you think?”

“I guess,” he said, raising his eyebrows, ”you both seem to be doing oddly good.”

“I thought you'd be happy about that,” you remarked.

“I am, believe me,” Jayce corrected immediately, ”I guess I'm just... surprised that this is going so well all of a sudden.”

“Yeah,” you smiled, your eyes finding a point in the void as you thought back to your conversation last night, ”that's understandable.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, his eyes suddenly narrowing in confusion as his lips pouted, “what's this race thing by the way?”

Viktor came out at the same moment. “It's nothing for you to worry about,” he replied instead.

So you returned to the common room for the last bits of information you needed to know about the trip, Heimerdinger displaying his usual energy while half the class was still trying to extricate itself from the arms of sleep.

Your eyes drifted outside, the landscape having changed drastically. Valleys of white stone overlaid with green, while the clear blue water seemed to form a sea of sapphires.

You were sent back to your rooms to stow your suitcases as The Young Prince prepared to land.

“Think the duo we'll get assigned to will be good?” you asked as you and Viktor exited your cabin.

“They could never be better than us,” he asserted, to which you couldn't help but smile.

And so, at last, the small world of the entire class was reunited to exit the Young Prince, its airlock opening onto the small gangway leading you to the dock.

The air was fresh with the scent of flowers and sunshine brought to you by the wind from the sea.

Outside, a group of students were waiting for you, accompanied by what must have been the Academy's headmistress, whom Heimerdinger immediately came to greet. She was a tall, slender woman with long, straight features, her dress strict and asymmetrically impeccable. Her long chestnut braid hung to one side as she shook Heimerdinger's hand, her grey eyes crinkling as her thin lips smiled at him.

Her eyes overhung by fine eyebrows that were the least severe aspect of her face turned to your group once it was fully assembled.

“Welcome, dear students, to Demacia.” She had a flattened accent, her T's straighter against her teeth and her more pronounced R's scraping toward the back of her throat. “I am Diane Lolanthe, the principal of Demacia University.”

With an elegant wave of her arm, she pointed to the group of students in their white, blue and silver uniforms, in contrast to your own warm-toned ones dotted with gold.

“The students of Demacia are delighted to welcome you among them,” she smiled, her hands joining together, ”I hope their behaviour will match that of those at the prestigious Piltover Academy.”

“Prestigious,” Heimerdinger repeated with a chirp, ”the reputation of our establishment envies many of the attractions of the University of Demacia.”

Your eyes roamed over the group of Demacia students. Many looked almost military in their posture, and you expected nothing less from them. Their reputation was, after all, massively based on their defensive side.

They seemed to be watching you all, some leaning over to whisper in others' ears. Were they making fun of you? Did they already have stupid remarks to share with each other?

Madame Diane and Heimerdinger chatted for a moment, taking out papers and exchanging ideas for a few minutes before straightening up and placing themselves between the two groups.

“Right then,” Diane resumed, bringing a document in front of her, “I have here the list of groups formed for the Demacia pairs.”

“And right here the list of groups formed for the Piltover pairs,” informed Heimerdinger.

“One by one, we'll call the pairs who will be joining each other on the side. Please get ready.”

From both sides, the pairs joined, Viktor and you remaining next to each other as you crossed your arms.

The roll call then began, the Piltover students coming forward first as Heimerdinger whispered information to Diane, no doubt giving the students' profiles to guide her an idea on who might be associable with whom.

As the list dwindled, so came your turn.

“Moravec and Phathe.”

Viktor and you approached, Heimerdinger sketching a smile and exchanging whispers with Diane, who raised an eyebrow, glancing at the remaining students, and sketching a chuckle.

“Laurent and Crownguard,” she called.

Demacia's students began to murmur among themselves, some of the quartets already formed being informed by their acolytes. You frowned, your eyes darting to the duo approaching you.

A young lady and a guy about your age came up. The girl had an athletic figure, her gait confident, while her hair, styled in a severe bob with red streaks, framed her breathtakingly beautiful face. The man accompanying her was tall, probably reaching Jayce's height with an imposing, muscular stature, his hair short and brown, his eyes lowered on your duo with curiosity.

“Nice to meet you,” you began, hoping eventually to socialize for once in your life.

The young lady looked you up and down, arching a judgmental eyebrow before moving on to Viktor. She wore her smile like a loaded pistol.

“I take the prince,” she pronounced in an accent similar to Diane's, ”you take the rag.”

You frowned as she walked over to Viktor and picked up his suitcase to free his arm that wasn't holding his cane and wrap her hand around his bicep.

“Shall we?”

Viktor seemed simply at a loss for words as the lady began to pull him towards the rest of the group.

You watched them advance, chuckling as you felt as if you'd been punched in the stomach.

“Excuse her,” sighed the young man who'd stayed by your side, ”she's never had many people put her back in her place in her years of life.”

“No kidding,” you breathed as you both began to move forward to follow them.

“Let me take your luggage,” he offered.

You smiled politely. “Don't worry, if I can't pull my luggage anymore, that makes me a lousy rag.”

“A rag capable of such strength is quite a feat in these cases,” he smiled.

You smiled back, at least one of them was civilized enough to carry on a conversation.

“I'm Garen, by the way,” he introduced himself, offering you his hand, which you came to shake, callused and rough. “And the spoiled brat that just blatantly insulted you is Fiora.”

“Nice to meet you,” you asserted before introducing yourself in turn.

Once you'd arrived with the rest of the group, you reached Fiora and Viktor. The girl gave you a sharp look, and you returned it, the other students around you observing the scene.

This was going to be a special stay.

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astrxq · 19 days ago

Text

Stage Light, Palace Light .I

jacaerys velaryon x theatre!reader

words: 23.6k (… i’m so sorry)

notes: tumblr won’t let me post this as a full fic so i’m dividing in half… though i think that kind of takes away from the whole thing, it’s the only way for me to post it :(( i hope the length doesn’t scare you away 😭

content!!: jacaerys secretly attends a theater in town, disguised as a commoner. captivated by a fearless and enchanting penniless actress, he asks for a private reading of one of her plays for a chance to see her again. — luke is alive in this, notttt following canon events obviously.

both parts will be posted simultaneously!! so you don’t have to wait for me to upload it if you want to read it :) — part 2 is tagged at the end of this post.

The halls of Dragonstone were eerily silent under the pale glow of the moon. Jacaerys paced his chamber, restless energy coursing through him. The heavy burden of duty weighed on his shoulders, suffocating in the castle’s confines. It wasn’t the demands of war or the pressures of ruling that plagued him tonight – it was a hunger for freedom, for something outside the expectations of a prince.

Draping a plain cloak over his shoulders, he slipped out unnoticed. Jacaerys had memorized the guard rotations months ago, making his escape through the servant's entrance as natural as breathing. The rough-spun wool of his cloak scratched against his neck – a far cry from the silks he was accustomed to, but that was precisely the point.

The cobblestone streets of the port city sprawled before him, a maze of possibilities. The salt-laden breeze carried the lingering scents of the day's activities – fish from the docks, fresh bread from late-working bakeries, and something sweeter, more enticing: his own freedom. Jacaerys pulled his hood lower, savoring the anonymity that darkness provided.

He wandered without purpose at first, letting his feet carry him away from the imposing silhouette of Dragonstone that loomed behind him. The wealthy merchant districts near the castle gradually gave way to more modest neighborhoods, where the buildings pressed closer together and the streets grew narrower. Here, despite the late hour, life still stirred.

The sound reached him first – laughter, music, and the unmistakable buzz of a crowd. Following the noise, he found himself in what appeared to be the city's entertainment district. Lanterns strung between buildings cast pools of warm light, and the streets were alive with people moving between taverns and various establishments.

But it was a different sort of building that caught his attention. Smaller than the grand playhouses he was used to, this theater had a weathered wooden facade that spoke of history and character. A hand-painted sign announced tonight's performance, people were filling inside, their faces bright with anticipation.

Jacaerys hesitated at the entrance. He'd attended countless performances in his life, but always from private boxes, always surrounded by the trappings of royalty. This... this was different. Through the open doors, he could see simple wooden benches, packed close together. The air was thick with the smell of tallow candles and humanity.

"Coming in, lad?" A gruff voice startled him from his contemplation. An older man was collecting coins at the door, his weathered face kind despite his rough appearance. "Last few seats available, but you'll need to hurry."

Jacaerys fumbled with the copper pieces in his pocket – another detail of his disguise, carefully planned. The coins felt foreign in his hands; he was more used to others handling such transactions. "Yes, I... thank you."

Inside, the theater was intimate in a way the royal playhouse never was. The ceiling hung low, and the stage was barely elevated above the floor, everything was made of wood. Jacaerys found a spot near the back, where shadows gathered in the corners. From here, he could observe everything while remaining relatively hidden.

The audience around him was different from what he was used to – merchants still in their work clothes, sailors with salt-stained boots, young couples pressed close together on the narrow benches. They chatted among themselves with an easy familiarity that suggested many were regular patrons. It was crowded enough to fill the small establishment.

As the lanterns dimmed and the crowd hushed, Jacaerys felt something shift inside him. Here, in this modest theater with its creaking floorboards and flickering lights, he was just another face in the crowd. No one cared about his lineage or his responsibilities. For these few precious hours, he could simply... be.

The curtain hadn't yet risen when he heard your voice for the first time.

You were berating someone backstage, your words carrying clearly through the thin partition. "If you've lost the prop dagger again, Thomas, I swear by all the gods..." There was laughter in your tone despite the scolding, and something about it made Jacaerys lean forward slightly.

A ripple of anticipatory chuckles went through the audience – clearly, this was not an unusual occurrence. The woman next to Jacaerys noticed his confusion and leaned over to whisper, "First time here, is it? I've never seen you before."

Her eyes lingered on his face, curiosity flickering in their depths. Jacaerys stiffened under her gaze, instinctively lowering his head further beneath the shadow of his hood. The pulse in his neck thundered like a drum, a visceral beat of fear and adrenaline. He was no stranger to being watched, scrutinized, even admired – but here, recognition would shatter his carefully crafted disguise, and the freedom he craved would slip through his fingers.

"Just passing through," he murmured, his voice deliberately roughened to obscure its natural timbre. He shifted slightly, angling his body away from her.

The voice rang out again, this time closer, from somewhere behind the curtains near where Jacaerys sat. The makeshift backstage setup was rudimentary – little more than patched fabric stretched over a wooden frame – but it served its purpose, kind of. Your tone, laced with exasperation, carried through the thin barrier with startling clarity.

"Thomas, I am not stepping out there until you find it. The last thing we need is another improvised death scene where you pantomime being stabbed. The audience already thinks we’re a comedy troupe."

"That's their leading lady. Always keeps them on their toes, that one." the lady next to Jacaerys whispered again, a grin on her face as if she was used to this.

Before he could respond, the curtain rose, and you stepped onto the stage. The lantern light caught you perfectly, illuminating your face as you launched into your first lines. You played a merchant's daughter, clever and quick-witted, running circles around your would-be suitors.

Jacaerys forgot to breathe.

It wasn't the kind of beauty that graced the castle halls. Your dress was simple, a plain brown fabric that had seen better days, cinched at the waist with a leather belt that had clearly been mended more than once. Your hair, pulled back in a practical braid, had several strands that had escaped to frame your face, giving you an appealingly disheveled look that spoke of hours of rehearsal.

But gods, you were magnificent.

A small scar marked your right cheek, barely visible in the flickering lantern light. Rather than marring your features, it seemed to enhance them, adding character to a face that radiated vitality. Your movements were precise yet natural, commanding the cramped stage as if it were a grand palace hall.

The other actors, though competent, seemed to orbit around you like planets around a sun. Even when you weren't speaking, Jacaerys found his eyes drawn to you – the subtle reactions playing across your face, the way you listened and responded to your fellow performers with an authenticity that made the scripted dialogue feel spontaneous.

The play unfolded before him, each scene weaving together with light-hearted jest. Whenever you spoke, delivering witty lines to your partners, Jacaerys found himself smiling in spite of himself. You were effortlessly charming.

In the quieter moments, when your character would stand still, caught in moments of contemplation or while others delivered their lines, Jacaerys’ gaze drifted to the fine details that made you so different from any actor he’d seen in his life. The way the flickering candlelight danced in your eyes, the way your lips curled just so when you were amused – everything felt significant. There was no mask, no role to hide behind. You were raw, real, and utterly captivating.

The final scene came far too quickly. As the audience erupted in applause, Jacaerys found himself on his feet with the rest, though his eyes never left your form. You took your bow with a flourish, laughing as someone from the crowd tossed a wildflower onto the stage. You caught it with practiced ease, tucking it behind your ear as you exchanged playful glances with your fellow performers.

The crowd began to disperse, but Jacaerys remained rooted to his spot, wrestling with an unfamiliar impulse. The logical part of his mind urged him to leave, to return to the castle before his absence was noticed. Yet something stronger held him there, watching as the other actors filtered off stage, leaving you to gather props with the same casual grace you'd shown during the performance.

"Wonderful show tonight, wasn't it?" The woman beside him spoke again, but this time Jacaerys barely registered her words. You had moved to the edge of the stage, sitting down with your legs dangling over the side, somehow making even this simple action seem like part of a performance.

The flower had slipped slightly askew in your hair, and you reached up to adjust it, humming a tune he didn't recognize. In that moment, illuminated by the dying lantern light, you looked more royal than any of the nobles he'd grown up with.

"Thomas!" you called out, your voice carrying that same warm authority he'd heard earlier. "I know you're hiding back there with that dagger. Bring it here before you lose it again."

A gangly young man emerged from behind the curtain, sheepishly holding the prop weapon. "I wasn't hiding, I was... organizing."

Your laugh echoed through the now-empty theater, rich and genuine. "Is that what we're calling it now? Come here, let's go over that scene again while it's fresh. Your timing was a bit off in the second act."

Jacaerys watched as you worked with your fellow actor, demonstrating the proper way to fall after being stabbed. Your patience was evident, even as you teased Thomas about his dramatic tendencies. This wasn't the carefully cultivated refinement of the court – this was something real, something alive.

He should leave. He knew he should leave. Instead, he found himself moving closer to the stage, drawn by some force he couldn't name. The hood of his cloak still shadowed his features, but he could see you more clearly now – the way your hands moved as you spoke, the slight crinkle at the corners of your eyes when you smiled.

You noticed him then, your eyes meeting his across the dimly lit space. "Can I help you?" you asked, your head tilting slightly in curiosity. "If you're looking for the manager, he's already left for the night."

Jacaerys opened his mouth to respond, but for perhaps the first time in his life, words failed him. He, who had been trained in rhetoric and diplomacy since childhood, found himself speechless in the presence of a common theater actor.

You studied his silence for a moment, your eyes softening with understanding – or rather, what you thought was understanding. Wiping your hands on your worn costume, you hopped down from the stage with an actor's grace.

"You haven't eaten today, have you?" Your voice was gentle, free of pity but full of kindness. Before Jacaerys could respond, you were already reaching into a small pouch tied at your waist. "The baker on Mare's Street – you know the one with the blue door? – he's usually still open at this hour. Sometimes he sells yesterday's bread for a few coppers."

The irony of the situation struck Jacaerys like a physical blow as you pressed two golden coins into his palm. Your callused fingers brushed against his softer ones, and he felt the warmth of your touch even as shame and wonder warred in his chest. These coins – they probably represented a week's earnings for you, maybe more.

"I..." he started, his voice catching. The weight of the coins in his hand felt heavier than any crown. "I don’t need this."

"Don't," you cut him off, your smile crooked but kind. "The crowds have been generous." You gestured around the empty theater, pride evident in your voice despite the building's humble appearance. "And I know what it's like to go hungry. Take it."

Jacaerys stood frozen, the coins burning in his palm like hot coals. He, who could buy this entire theater with a wave of his hand, found himself humbled by your simple act of generosity. The elaborate rings he'd left behind in his chambers could have fed your entire troupe for a year, yet here you were, sharing what little you had with a stranger.

Thomas watched from the stage, absently twirling the prop dagger. "She won't take no for an answer," he offered helpfully. "Trust me, I've tried."

You shot Thomas a look that was half-exasperation, half-affection.

You had misinterpreted his hesitation, mistaking it for embarrassment. "No shame in it," you said softly, your voice lowering as if to shield him from imaginary judgment. "Everyone needs a little help sometimes. Just promise me you’ll pay it forward when you can."

For a moment, Jacaerys considered revealing himself – telling you who he was, explaining that he didn’t need the money, that he could give you a hundredfold what you had just offered him. But the thought died as quickly as it came. What would that accomplish? To shatter this fragile, unguarded moment with the weight of his identity?

Instead, he closed his fingers around the coins and inclined his head, the shadows of his hood concealing the turmoil in his expression. "Thank you," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Your smile widened, relief washing over your face. "Good. Now go, before the baker closes." You turned back toward the stage, your attention already shifting to the scattered props and costumes. It was as if the encounter hadn’t marked you the way it had him, as if kindness were simply a part of who you were, given without expectation or burden.

Jacaerys lingered for a moment longer, watching you move through the theater, humming that same tune under your breath. He tucked the coins into his pocket, their weight a reminder of the strange, magnetic pull you had over him.

As he stepped back into the cobblestone streets, the sounds of the city washed over him once more – the distant murmur of the ocean, the laughter spilling from nearby taverns, the clatter of hooves on stone. Yet the memory of your voice, your smile, and your unassuming grace lingered like an echo in his chest.

For the first time in years, Jacaerys Velaryon felt small. Not in a way that diminished him, but in a way that reminded him of how vast the world truly was, and how much of it he had yet to understand.

And as he walked away from the theater, he knew one thing for certain: he would be back.

***

The Maester's voice droned on about the Conquest of Dorne, but Jacaerys barely heard him. His fingers traced the edges of the golden coins in his pocket, worn smooth from hours of anxious handling. The metal had warmed to his skin, yet still carried the weight of your kindness. He could almost smell the copper on his hands, though these were gold – a reminder of how thoroughly his mind had been occupied by that night at the theater.

His younger brothers sat attentively at the long table, Lucerys dutifully taking notes while Joffrey's eyes widened at tales of battle and dragon fire. Jacaerys envied their simple absorption in the lesson. His own thoughts kept drifting to the weathered wooden stage, the flickering lanterns, and your laugh as you demonstrated the proper way to die dramatically.

"Prince Jacaerys?" The Maester's voice cut through his reverie. "Perhaps you'd care to share your thoughts on Prince Qoren Martell's strategy?"

Jacaerys straightened, his hand instinctively withdrawing from his pocket. "My apologies, Maester. I was..." He trailed off, unable to find a suitable excuse.

Lucerys shot him a curious glance. His brother had always been observant – too observant, sometimes. These past few days, Jacaerys had caught him watching with barely concealed concern, noting his distraction during meals and council meetings.

The coins felt heavier than ever. At nearly twenty years old, here he was, a prince of the realm, plotting like a green boy to sneak out to a common theater. The absurdity of it wasn't lost on him. He'd heard countless tales of young nobles who slipped away from their duties – to visit brothels, to gamble in fighting pits, to engage in all manner of sordid adventures. Yet here he sat, fingers stained with the phantom scent of copper, heart racing at the mere thought of watching another play.

But it wasn't just any play, was it? It was you. The way you commanded that humble stage, the genuine warmth in your voice when you'd pressed those coins into his hand, believing him to be nothing more than a hungry stranger. The memory of your kindness burned brighter than any shame he might feel about his age or station.

"Prince Jacaerys?" The Maester prompted again, more gently this time.

"Forgive me," Jacaerys managed, forcing his attention back to the present. "The heat of the day has made me rather distracted."

Joffrey snickered behind his hand, but fell silent at Lucerys's sharp look. The Maester sighed and returned to his lecture, pointing to a map of Dorne's treacherous mountain passes.

As the lesson continued, Jacaerys's mind wandered to the logistics of another escape. The guard rotations would be the same, but he'd need to be more careful – his absence had been noted last time, though thankfully not reported. The thought sent a flutter of anxiety through his chest. What would people say if they knew? A prince, skulking around in common clothes, watching street performances like some love-struck peasant boy.

Love-struck. The word appeared unbidden in his thoughts, and he nearly dropped the coins he'd been fidgeting with. No, that wasn't it at all. He was simply... intrigued. Fascinated by the authenticity of common theater, by the raw talent he'd witnessed. By your smile, your laugh, the way you'd shown such kindness to a stranger...

Lucerys kicked him under the table, and Jacaerys realized the Maester had asked another question. As he scrambled to appear engaged in the lesson, his brother's knowing look told him he wasn't fooling anyone – at least not Lucerys.

The coins clinked softly in his pocket as he shifted in his seat. He would go back, he knew that much. The risk, the anxiety, the potential embarrassment if he were caught – none of it mattered. Not when weighed against the possibility of seeing you perform again, of existing for a few precious hours in that world where he was just another face in the crowd, where kindness was given freely without the weight of politics and duty.

Besides, he thought with a hint of his usual wry humor, there were far worse rebellions for a prince to engage in than a secret appreciation for the theater. Even if that appreciation had more to do with a certain performer than the performances themselves.

After the lesson, Jacaerys retreated to his chambers, hoping to find solitude with his thoughts. His rooms in the Stone Drum tower offered a commanding view of the castle grounds and the sea beyond, though today he barely noticed the beauty. The salt breeze that whistled through the arrow slits carried the familiar scent of home, mingling with the ever-present smoke from the volcano.

He'd barely settled into his favorite chair – a sturdy piece of oak and leather positioned perfectly to catch the evening light – when the door burst open without ceremony. Only one person would dare enter his chambers so boldly.

"Don't you knock anymore, Luke?" Jacaerys asked, not bothering to look up from the correspondence he'd hastily grabbed to appear occupied.

"When have I ever knocked?" Lucerys's footsteps were light across the Myrish carpet, practiced and graceful from years of dancing lessons. The bed creaked as he threw himself across it, a habit he'd had since childhood that no amount of etiquette training had broken.

The familiar scene might have been comforting if not for the tension Jacaerys could feel radiating from his younger brother. Lucerys had that particular quality of false casualness that always preceded his most determined interrogations. It was a talent he'd inherited from their mother – the ability to appear perfectly relaxed while preparing to strike.

The room itself seemed to hold its breath. Afternoon sunlight slanted through the windows, casting long shadows across the stone floors and illuminating dust motes that danced in the air. The walls were lined with books and maps, carefully curated over years of study, while a half-empty glass of wine sat forgotten on a side table from the night before.

Jacaerys shifted in his chair, acutely aware of the coins in his pocket. They seemed to weigh heavier under his brother's watchful gaze, though he knew Lucerys couldn't possibly see them. Yet something in the way those violet eyes tracked his movements made him wonder if perhaps they did.

"You've been strange lately," Lucerys said, lounging across Jacaerys's bed as if it were his own. The evening light caught his hair, making him look younger than his fifteen years. "More distracted than usual."

Jacaerys didn't look up from the letter he was pretending to read. "Have I?"

"Don't play fool, Jace. It doesn't suit you." Lucerys rolled onto his stomach, propping his chin on his hands. "Even Joff noticed, and he hardly notices anything beyond his own reflection these days."

"Perhaps I'm simply tired of being interrogated by my little brother."

"Perhaps you're simply avoiding the question." Lucerys's violet eyes narrowed slightly. "You disappeared the other night."

Jacaerys's fingers tightened imperceptibly on the parchment. "Did I?"

"I covered for you with Mother. Told her you had a headache and retired early." Lucerys paused, watching his brother's face carefully. "You're welcome, by the way."

"Thank you," Jacaerys said stiffly, still not meeting his brother's gaze.

Silence stretched between them, broken only by the distant sound of dragons calling to each other across the evening sky. Finally, Lucerys sighed dramatically.

"I need to borrow some coins," he said, his tone deliberately casual. "There's a book I want the Maester to fetch from the town."

"Another one? Didn't you just get three new volumes last moon?"

"This one's different. It's about Valyrian steel manipulation. I think I found a reference to–"

"Fine," Jacaerys interrupted, rising from his chair. "Let me get my–"

"Why not just give me the ones you've been playing with in your pocket all week?"

Jacaerys froze, his hand halfway to the door. Lucerys's voice had lost its casual edge, taking on an accusatory tone that made him sound unnervingly like their mother.

"Those are..." Jacaerys started, then stopped, unsure how to continue.

"Those are what, exactly?" Lucerys sat up, all pretense of relaxation gone. "You never carry coins, Jace. You hate dealing with money – you always have servants handle it. Yet suddenly you're constantly fiddling with coins in your pocket like some nervous merchant?"

"It's nothing."

"Nothing?" Lucerys's eyebrows rose. "Nothing has you sneaking out at night? Nothing has you daydreaming through lessons? Nothing has you jumping like a guilty septa every time someone mentions where you were that evening?"

"Luke–"

"What kind of trouble are you in, Jace?" Real concern crept into Lucerys's voice now. "Whatever it is, I can help. You know I can keep a secret."

Jacaerys turned to face his brother, seeing the genuine worry in his eyes. For a moment, he was tempted to tell him everything – about the theater, about you, about the strange mix of shame and wonder he felt every time he touched those coins you'd given him. But the words stuck in his throat.

"I'm not in any trouble," he said finally. "And the coins... they're just coins. Nothing more."

Lucerys studied him for a long moment, his expression unreadable. "You're lying," he said simply. "You've never been good at it, not with me." He stood up from the bed, straightening his doublet with precise movements. "Keep your secrets, then. But whatever it is – whoever it is – I hope they're worth all this deception."

He moved toward the door, pausing with his hand on the latch. "And Jace? Next time you decide to disappear for an evening, give me some warning. I can only improvise so many headaches before Mother starts calling for the Grand Maester."

The door closed behind him with a soft click, leaving Jacaerys alone with his thoughts and the weight of those two gold coins that somehow felt heavier than any crown.

***

The evening guard rotations were meant to be predictable – that was the entire point of having them. Yet tonight, as Jacaerys crept through the servants' corridors of Dragonstone, it seemed the gods themselves conspired against him. Twice he'd had to duck into alcoves as guards passed by, their torchlight casting long shadows against the stone walls.

His heart nearly stopped when he heard the telltale sound of armor approaching from both directions. The corridor stretched before and behind him, offering no immediate escape. For a desperate moment, he considered scaling the wall – the ancient Valyrian stone had enough notches and grooves to make it possible. But the sound of boots was growing closer.

Then he saw it – a tapestry, ancient and dusty, depicting some long-forgotten battle. Without hesitation, he slipped behind it, pressing himself against the cold stone. The space was cramped, barely wide enough for him to stand sideways. Dust tickled his nose, and he fought the urge to sneeze as the guards converged directly in front of his hiding spot.

"Could've sworn I heard something," one guard muttered.

"Probably just those bloody rats again," the other replied. "This part of the castle's full of them."

Jacaerys held his breath as their shadows, distorted by torchlight, played across the tapestry. He could smell the oil from their lamps, hear the creak of their leather boots. One guard stopped so close that Jacaerys could have reached out and touched his armor through the fabric.

"Speaking of rats," the first guard continued, "did you hear about what happened in the kitchens? That new scullery maid..."

Jacaerys silently prayed to any god who might be listening as the guards lingered, exchanging gossip. His legs were beginning to cramp from standing so still, and the dust was becoming unbearable. Just when he thought he couldn't maintain his position any longer, they finally moved on.

He waited until their footsteps had faded completely before emerging, brushing centuries of dust from his clothes. His plain cloak was now grey with it, which actually worked in his favor – he looked even more like a common traveler now.

The rest of his escape proved easier. He knew which door hinges needed oil and avoided them, which stairs would creak under his weight and stepped around them. Years of childhood exploration had taught him every secret of these halls, though he'd never imagined using that knowledge quite like this.

When he finally emerged into the cool night air, the sea breeze hit him like a physical relief. What he didn't know was that his brother Lucerys was watching from the high window of his chambers, violet eyes tracking his progress through the darkness, a mixture of concern and curiosity playing across his young face.

The moon hung low over the water, painting a silver path across the waves. In the distance, he could hear the familiar sounds of the port city coming alive for the evening – and somewhere in that maze of streets, a small theater where you would be performing.

He touched the coins in his pocket, the ones you'd given him last time. He'd brought others tonight, determined to somehow repay your kindness without revealing his identity. The irony of a prince sneaking around with coins in his pockets wasn't lost on him.

As he made his way down the winding path toward the city, a shadow passed overhead – one of the dragons, doing their evening patrol. Jacaerys instinctively ducked into a doorway, though he knew they wouldn't betray his presence. Still, his heart raced until the beating of massive wings faded into the distance.

The closer he got to the theater district, the lighter his steps became. He could already hear distant music floating on the breeze, and somewhere ahead, he knew you were preparing for tonight's performance.

The older man at the entrance didn’t even look up as Jacaerys approached, the hood of his cloak pulled low to shadow his face. The flickering lantern by the door barely illuminated the man’s lined face as he grunted, extending a weathered hand.

"Same as always," the man rasped, his voice rough from years of smoke and salt air.

Jacaerys fished out the coins, the faint clink of silver ringing in the quiet. He handed them over without a word, and the man nodded, stepping aside to let him pass. As the heavy wooden door creaked open, the prince slipped inside, his heart already beating faster.

The theater was dimmer tonight. Fewer torches lined the walls, their flames casting long, flickering shadows across the worn wooden seats. The air carried a faint tang of old wood and wax, mixed with the distant murmur of the sparse audience. He moved with practiced ease, weaving through the rows until he found a shadowed corner near the back. His seat creaked faintly as he settled into it, but no one turned to look.

The hush of the room enveloped him like a comforting shroud. His eyes flicked to the small stage, where the performers were beginning to gather. The dim lighting softened the edges of the set, turning painted backdrops into ghostly outlines. And then he saw you.

You stepped into view, adjusting the folds of your simple costume as you moved to your mark. The faintest smile touched your lips, a fleeting expression meant more for yourself than anyone watching. Your presence lit up the stage, even in the muted glow of the flickering torches. Jacaerys leaned forward, his pulse quickening as he took in every detail: the curve of your fingers as you gestured, the spark in your eyes as you exchanged a glance with another actor.

Tonight’s performance was different from the last. The script was lighter, the words flowing with the cadence of humor and quick wit. You played your part flawlessly, your voice carrying through the small space with an easy confidence that drew even the most distracted onlooker. Jacaerys barely noticed the few other patrons scattered through the seats; his attention was solely on you.

Your dress was different tonight, though it bore the same signs of wear and age. This one reached your feet, its faded fabric swaying gently as you moved. It suited the story, the hem brushing the stage with a quiet grace. Your hair was loose now, no longer bound in the practical braid he'd seen last time. Strands of it framed your face, falling forward every time you turned sharply or crossed the stage with purpose.

At one point, you turned toward the audience, delivering a line with a playful smirk. For a brief, heart-stopping moment, your gaze seemed to land on him. He stiffened, holding his breath, but you moved on without hesitation, leaving him unsure if you'd truly noticed him or if it was just his imagination.

When the final act concluded and the sparse audience began to applaud, Jacaerys hesitated. His hands itched to join them, but he knew better than to draw attention to himself. Instead, he waited, watching as you took a modest bow before disappearing behind the curtain.

The theater began to empty, the soft murmur of voices and shuffling feet filling the space. Jacaerys lingered, his heart warring with his head. He could leave now, slip away unnoticed into the night, or he could stay – just a little longer.

From the shadows near the edge of the stage, Jacaerys could hear muffled voices – the actors congratulating one another, the rustle of costumes being adjusted, the clink of props being gathered and stored. Somewhere amidst it all was you.

He leaned against a post, his cloak wrapped tightly around him as if it could render him invisible. The cool night air from a nearby window mingled with the lingering warmth of the torches, creating a strange mix of chill and comfort. He should leave. The longer he stayed, the greater the risk of being recognized – not that anyone in this district would expect a prince of the realm to be skulking in a dusty theater. Still, his responsibilities weighed on his shoulders like a chain, one he was all too eager to shed tonight.

Then, like a moth drawn to light, his gaze caught movement through a gap in the curtains. You. You were speaking to someone, your laughter soft and genuine, a sound that cut through the noise like the first note of a song. He could see the way your hair fell loose from its pins, the slight flush to your cheeks from the exertion of the performance. You looked radiant, even in the simplicity of your stage attire.

As if sensing his presence, you turned. For a brief moment, your eyes locked with his through the narrow slit in the curtain. Surprise flickered across your face, followed quickly by recognition. The corner of your lips tugged upward in a small, knowing smile, and Jacaerys felt his stomach tighten.

Before he could retreat, you excused yourself from the conversation and slipped through the curtain, moving toward him with an easy grace that belied the exhaustion of the evening.

"You’re here again," you said softly, stopping just short of him. The dim light caught the shine in your eyes, the curve of your smile. "Should I be flattered or concerned?"

"Flattered. I would hope."

Your voice dropped lower, conspiratorial. "Did you eat today? I know times are hard, but there are better ways to spend an evening than hiding in theaters."

The irony of your worry made his chest tight. Here you were, in your worn costume, with props held together by determination and twine, concerned about whether he had enough to eat. He reached into his pocket, fingers closing around the coins.

"Actually," he said, extending his hand, "I came to return these. And..." he pulled out more coins from his other pocket, "to properly pay for my attendance. Both times."

Your eyes widened slightly at the amount – more than fair payment for theater tickets, though far less than what he wished he could give without raising suspicion. "That's..." you started, then paused, frowning. "Where did you...?"

"I found work," he said quickly, the lie bitter on his tongue. "On the docks." It was a safe claim – the port was always hiring, and the work explained away any calluses on his hands from sword training.

You hesitated, then slowly accepted the coins, your fingers brushing his palm. "Well then," you said, a smile playing at your lips, "I suppose I should thank you for your patronage, good sir." You gave an exaggerated curtsy, a playful mockery of court manners that made him both laugh and wince internally.

You straightened from your playful curtsy, tilting your head as your eyes lingered on his face. In the dim light, his features were shadowed, but there was no mistaking the sharpness of his jaw, the curve of his lips, the way his dark hair fell against his forehead. A fleeting thought escaped your lips before you could catch it.

"You’re quite handsome, you know," you said, your voice softer now, almost teasing but not unkind.

The words hung in the air like a spark between them, igniting an unexpected tension that made Jacaerys’s breath hitch. Instinct took over, and he immediately pulled his hood up, the shadow swallowing his face once more. His heart thundered in his chest, panic surging through him like a wave crashing against the shore. How could he have been so careless? The longer you looked at him, the greater the chance you might recognize him, or worse, ask questions he couldn’t answer.

You blinked, misinterpreting his reaction as shyness. "Oh," you said quickly, holding up a hand. "I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It was just a passing thought, nothing more."

Jacaerys kept his face tilted downward, the faint light from the torches barely illuminating the shadowed planes of his features. Beneath the cover of his hood, his thoughts churned.

You stepped back slightly, giving him space, though your brow furrowed as you studied him. "I have a habit of speaking my mind. It gets me into trouble more often than not."

He swallowed hard, forcing himself to breathe. You didn’t know. Of course, you didn’t. If you had recognized him as the prince of Dragonstone, you wouldn’t be standing here so casually, holding his coins like a simple dockworker had handed them to you. Relief trickled in, slow but steady, easing the sharp edge of his panic.

Still, he couldn’t let his guard down. Not here, not now. You hadn’t recognized him but that didn’t mean your peers would be the same. He tightened his grip on the edge of his hood, fingers curling into the fabric as he found his voice. "It’s... nothing to apologize for," he said quietly, his tone measured. "You speak with honesty. That’s rare."

Your brow arched, a small, playful smile tugging at your lips. "Is it? I thought honesty was common among sailors and dockworkers."

His heart leapt, but he forced a soft chuckle. "Only when it suits them."

You laughed, the sound light and easy, cutting through the weight in his chest like a blade through mist. For a moment, the tension eased, and he let himself glance up, just enough to catch the way the dim torchlight softened the sharp lines of your face. You seemed so at ease, as if this exchange was just another fleeting moment in your day, not a conversation with a man balancing precariously on the edge of his secret.

"Well," you said, your tone shifting to something softer, almost kind, "if you ever get tired of dishonest company, you know where to find me."

The simplicity of your words sent a jolt through him, a strange mix of warmth and dread. How could you offer such openness to a stranger? Did you have any idea what danger such kindness could invite? He wanted to tell you to be more careful, to guard yourself better, but that would only draw suspicion, and he couldn’t afford that.

Instead, he nodded, a small, almost imperceptible gesture.

Your words were casual, cheerful, as if you weren’t fully aware of the effect they had on him. Jacaerys’s stomach twisted. Did you truly mean it, or was this simply how you treated everyone who lingered after your performances? Perhaps it was common for men to approach you, hoping for a moment of your time, an exchange of pleasantries, or something more daring. Maybe to you, this was nothing special, just another fleeting interaction with someone who found themselves enthralled by your charm.

He tried to gauge your meaning, but your expression revealed nothing beyond a playful warmth. It struck him that this could be a game for you, a kindness you extended to strangers who sought solace in the illusion of knowing you. If that were the case, you had mastered the art of making people feel seen. And yet, a selfish part of him hoped it wasn’t a performance, at least not entirely.

He forced himself to nod again, the words catching in his throat before he could offer any kind of response.

You told him your name, tilting your head. The torchlight caught the playful glint in your eyes.

You moved closer, fingers playing delicately with the edge of his hood. The fabric shifted just enough to let more torchlight spill across his features and for you to get a proper look at him. "You still haven't told me your name," you said. The torchlight caught the glint in your eyes, warm and inviting. "And I'd love to share a cup of wine with you before tomorrow's show, if you'd join me? Unless dock work calls, of course."

Jacaerys's throat went dry at your proximity, at the casual way you breached the careful distance he'd maintained. Your fingers were still toying with his hood, and he could smell the faint traces of stage powder and candlesmoke that clung to your costume.

"I..." he started, then faltered. Even a false name felt dangerous on his tongue, another lie to add to the growing pile between you. But your expectant gaze and gentle smile made refusal equally impossible. "Jace," he finally said, offering the shortened version of his name – common enough among smallfolk to pass unremarked, yet not entirely a lie.

"The wine?" you prompted with a gentle laugh, noticing his distraction. Your fingers still lingered at the edge of his hood, and this close, he could see the faint smudge of stage paint at the corner of your eye, oddly endearing in the torchlight.

"Yes," he said quickly, perhaps too quickly.

You laughed softly, the sound warm and light, brushing away his unease.

"Good," you said simply, your fingers finally leaving his hood. The absence of your touch left the fabric cool against his skin, but his heartbeat remained a thunderous rhythm in his ears. "I’ll look forward to it, then."

Your words carried a quiet sincerity, and Jacaerys felt a flicker of hope, foolish and persistent, take root. Perhaps you wanted his company, not as some starstruck admirer but as something more. If you’d thought of him as just another man enchanted by your beauty, you might have waved him off with a kind but distant smile, not offered him a seat at your table.

The thought made his chest tighten. He shouldn’t entertain it, couldn’t afford to. But as you stepped back, leaving a space between you that felt far larger than it was, he found himself reluctant to let the moment end.

"Tomorrow, then," you said with a final, teasing glance. And with that, you turned, your departure as graceful as your presence.

***

Jacaerys woke to a sharp sting across his cheek, followed by the sound of laughter – bright, mischievous, and unmistakable. His eyes flew open to find Aegon, his younger brother, perched on his chest, tiny hands poised for another smack. Aegon’s face was a mix of innocence and triumph, his silver curls bouncing as he giggled.

"Wake up," Aegon crowed, his small hand descending toward Jacaerys's face once more, giving him a small and playful smack on his eyebrow.

Jacaerys caught the little hand mid-swing, his reflexes slower than usual thanks to the late night before.

"Enough, you little dragon," Jacaerys groaned, though he couldn't help but smile as he gently moved Aegon off his chest. The morning sun was already high – much higher than he usually allowed himself to sleep. His body felt heavy with fatigue, memories of dusty tapestries and your smile still lingering in his mind.

"You're late for breakfast," came another voice from next to the bed. Lucerys stood there, arms crossed, violet eyes sharp with knowing. "Again."

Jacaerys sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Aegon took the opportunity to climb onto his back, small arms wrapping around his neck. "I was tired," he said carefully, avoiding his brother's gaze.

"Tired from sneaking out again?" Lucery's voice was quiet enough that Aegon couldn't hear, but the accusation was clear. "I saw you, you know. Last night."

Jacaerys's stomach dropped, but before he could respond, Aegon tugged at his hair. "Play with me!" the little prince demanded, blissfully unaware of the tension between his older brothers. "You promised yesterday!"

"In a moment, brother." Jacaerys said softly. To Lucerys, he added, "Close the door."

Lucerys did, but remained standing, his young face serious beyond his years. Aegon whined, squirming on Jacaerys’s back like a restless hatchling trying to get his brother’s attention.

"Soon," Jacaerys murmured, reaching back to ruffle Aegon’s curls gently. He glanced at Lucerys, whose gaze was sharp, scrutinizing, and far too perceptive for his age.

"Out with it, Luke," Jacaerys said with a sigh, shifting Aegon to sit in his lap. The youngest boy immediately busied himself by fiddling with the ties on Jacaerys’s tunic, humming some nonsense tune.

Lucerys’s arms stayed crossed, his jaw tight. "Where did you go?"

Jacaerys hesitated, trying to gauge how much Lucerys might already know. "For a walk," he said, the words feeling hollow even as he spoke them.

"A walk," Lucerys repeated, his voice flat. "Through the city, past the gates, and to the docks? Alone? At night?"

Jacaerys stiffened, his fingers stilling where they had been untangling Aegon’s small fists from the ties of his tunic. He met Lucerys’s piercing gaze and held it, though his stomach churned. Lucerys was clever, sharper than most realized, and there was no denying the skepticism etched into his younger brother’s face.

"Yes," Jacaerys said finally, his tone low but steady. "A walk."

Lucerys huffed, shaking his head. "You’re a terrible liar, you know that?"

"A walk," Lucerys repeated, incredulous. His sharp eyes narrowed as if daring Jacaerys to stick to the flimsy excuse.

Aegon, oblivious to the rising tension, suddenly perked up, his tiny voice lilting into a sing-song melody. "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" he chanted, his hands clapping against Jacaerys’s chest for emphasis. "Hanging from a dragon’s spire!"

Jacaerys groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as Aegon’s giggles filled the room. "Aegon," he muttered, exasperated, "you’re not helping."

Lucerys’s lips twitched, though he tried to keep his expression serious. "Even Aegon can tell you’re lying," he said, gesturing to the wriggling boy in Jacaerys’s lap. "And he’s four."

Jacaerys shifted uncomfortably, his grip tightening slightly on Aegon to keep the boy from sliding off. "It’s not your concern," he said, his voice low.

"It is when it could get you hurt," Lucerys countered, stepping closer. His voice softened, though the worry in his expression remained. "I’m not a fool, Jace. You’re sneaking out for a reason. If something’s wrong…"

"Nothing’s wrong," Jacaerys cut in, sharper than he intended. Aegon stilled at the change in his tone, glancing up at him with wide, curious eyes.

Lucerys’s brows furrowed, his concern deepening. "Then why the secrecy? Have you gabled? You owe coins?"

Jacaerys barked a sharp laugh, the sound bitter. "Gambled?" he repeated, his tone tinged with incredulity. "Do you truly think I’d risk Mother’s wrath for something so foolish?"

Lucerys raised a skeptical brow, undeterred. "You’re sneaking out past the gates, Jace. It’s not exactly the behavior of someone who cares much for avoiding wrath."

Jacaerys sighed, his shoulders sagging slightly. He shifted Aegon in his lap again, the boy’s small hands still clutching his tunic as if sensing the weight of the moment

Lucerys crossed his arms, his expression still clouded with doubt, but he said nothing further. The room settled into a tense silence, broken only by Aegon’s happy hums as he tugged at Jacaerys’s tunic ties once more.

Jacaerys offered Lucerys a faint, conciliatory smile. "You’ve said your piece, brother. Now let it rest. I’ll be more careful."

Lucerys hesitated, then gave a short nod. "See that you are," he muttered, though the edge in his voice had dulled. Without another word, he turned and left, the door closing softly behind him.

That same night, Jacaerys’ chest beat with expectation. He pressed his ear against the cool wood of his chamber door, straining to hear the rhythmic clink of the guards’ boots in the corridor. It had taken longer than usual for the keep to settle tonight, and his patience had worn thin as he waited for silence to fall. Finally, the sound of footsteps faded, leaving only the faint whisper of wind through the stone halls.

Pulling his hood over his head, he slipped through the door, moving as quietly as he could manage. The shadows seemed to stretch and shift around him as he made his way down the dim corridor, his heart thudding in his chest.

But his stealth came to an abrupt end as he rounded a corner and collided with someone who immediately called his name.

"Jace," Baela, his cousin, yelped.

His hood slipped back slightly, revealing his startled face as Baela peered up at him with narrowed eyes. She crossed her arms, her expression teetering between curiosity and suspicion.

"I…" he stammered, grasping for an excuse, "I was just going to feed Vermax. I forgot earlier."

"Dressed like that? You look like you’re about to rob a merchant," Baela quipped, her brows arching as she gestured toward his cloak. Her voice was low, but the teasing edge carried clearly in the quiet corridor.

Jacaerys tugged at his hood, trying to steady himself. "It’s cold out," he said, forcing a casual shrug.

She stared at him for a long moment, the corners of her mouth twitching as though she were fighting a smirk. "You’ve always been a terrible liar," she finally said, stepping closer. Her voice softened slightly, concern flickering behind her sharp words.

Jacaerys’s lips twitched into a crooked smile, though it lacked conviction. "And what about you? What are you doing wandering the halls past curfew?"

Her laugh rang out softly, the sound light and unbothered. "Nice try, cousin," she said, shaking her head. "But I don’t need excuses. Her Grace sent me to fetch you."

Jacaerys’s smirk faltered, his stomach sinking slightly. "Mother?" he repeated, attempting to mask his unease.

Baela nodded, her expression turning sly. "She’s been asking after you. Something about wondering if you’d finally gotten a decent night’s rest for once." Her gaze swept over his cloaked form again, pointedly lingering on his shadowy attire. "Though I imagine she’ll have a lot more questions if she sees you like this."

Jacaerys tugged his hood back fully, a small scowl forming. "Fine. You’ve made your point."

Baela grinned, pleased with herself. "Good. Let’s not keep her waiting, then." She stepped aside, gesturing down the hallway with a flourish.

As they began walking together, she shot him a sideways glance. "By the way, you might want to come up with a better excuse than feeding Vermax. She’ll see through that faster than I did."

He groaned softly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Thank you for the vote of confidence."

The candles in the council chamber had burned low, their dim flames casting long, flickering shadows across the walls. Jacaerys sat stiffly in his chair, his hood abandoned and his shoulders tense as he stared down at the polished wood of the table. His mother’s voice was firm and commanding, carrying over the murmurs of her council, but the words barely registered in his mind.

He shifted uncomfortably, his fingers drumming a restless rhythm against his knee. The hours dragged on, the droning voices blending into a monotone hum that seemed to sap the energy from the room. Every so often, he risked a glance toward the doors, his heart sinking as the night stretched on without reprieve.

He had planned it all so carefully; waiting for the guards’ change, ensuring his cloak was in place, and rehearsing his path through the darkened halls. Yet here he was, trapped in the suffocating formality of duty, the weight of the room pressing heavily on his chest.

Finally, his mother’s voice broke through his thoughts, a sharp and decisive tone signaling the meeting’s end. The council members began to rise, exchanging pleasantries and nods as they shuffled out. Jacaerys stood quickly, hoping to slip away unnoticed.

But as he stepped into the corridor and caught sight of the sky through a narrow window, his heart sank. The stars had already begun to fade, the first light of dawn creeping over the horizon. His plan, so meticulously crafted, was ruined.

He exhaled sharply, leaning back against the cold stone wall. Frustration bubbled up inside him, clawing at his chest. He had waited too long, his opportunity stolen by endless discussions he hadn’t even bothered to follow.

The streets of the town would be stirring soon, no longer cloaked in shadow, and the risk of sneaking out now was far too great. With a defeated sigh, Jacaerys pushed away from the wall and started toward his chambers. Perhaps tomorrow night, he told himself, though the thought did little to soothe the restless ache in his chest.

***

The days crawled by like honey in winter, thick and slow. Jacaerys moved through them in a fog of distraction, his mind constantly wandering to the small theater and its worn stage. During his lessons, he found himself staring out windows, counting the hours until nightfall only to be trapped again by some new duty or obligation. His writing grew sloppy, earning sharp looks from his tutors, but he couldn't focus on their corrections when all he could think about was you, waiting in vain that night.

Had you looked for him in the shadows of the wings? Had you saved him a proper seat, as promised, only to find it empty? The thought of your disappointment twisted in his gut like a knife.

Each evening brought fresh torment. A dinner with visiting nobles that stretched late into the night. An urgent meeting about grain stores that couldn't wait until morning. Evening dragon training that left him too exhausted to even consider the treacherous path down to the town. Always something, always another reason he couldn't slip away.

Lucerys watched him with knowing eyes, catching his restless glances toward the windows, his distracted responses at meals. But his brother said nothing more, perhaps satisfied that whatever had drawn Jacaerys into the night had been successfully thwarted by duty.

By the fourth night, Jacaerys lay awake in his bed, imagining what you might think of him. Just another unreliable patron, perhaps. Or worse – had you worried about him? Did you think something had happened to the shy dock worker who couldn't take a compliment? The thought of you being concerned for his welfare, when he was perfectly safe in his castle chamber, made him feel sick with guilt.

On the sixth night, he nearly made it. He'd gotten as far as the servants' corridor before Aegon's crying echoed through the halls – nightmares again. Jacaerys had frozen, torn between his escape and his brother's distress. In the end, duty won out. He spent the night in Aegon's chamber, telling stories until the little prince fell asleep against his shoulder.

A week. A whole week had passed, and he hadn't seen your performance, hadn't heard your voice, hadn't stood in the comforting shadows of the wings. The theater district felt like a dream now, something he'd imagined in a moment of wild fancy. Only the memory of your gentle teasing, the phantom touch of your hand on his shoulder, reminded him it had been real.

The worst part was not knowing if you'd even noticed his absence. Were you wondering about the strange young man who'd promised to return? Or had you already forgotten him, just another face in the crowd of your admirers? He wasn't sure which possibility hurt.

Each night as he lay in bed, he made plans for the next evening, plotting new routes through the castle, calculating guard rotations, imagining what he'd say when he finally saw you again. And each night, something interfered – some duty he couldn't ignore, some obligation he couldn't escape.

But even as he told himself this, he knew he'd try again. Tomorrow, perhaps. Or the night after. Eventually, the gods would grant him another chance to slip away, to return to that magical space where titles didn't matter and stories came alive in the torch-lit dark.

Until then, he could only hope you'd understand – though of course, you couldn't. Not really. Not without knowing the truth, which he could never tell.

"A king should know his people." The words had come out smoother than Jacaerys expected, rehearsed as they were in front of his mirror countless times. His mother had looked up from her scrolls, one eyebrow arched in that way that always made him feel transparent.

"And you came to this revelation... suddenly?" she'd asked, her violet eyes sharp with curiosity.

"Grandsire always says the best lessons come from the docks," he'd pressed on, forcing his voice to remain steady. "The trade, the people, the..." he'd gestured vaguely, "...the whole of it."

Now, standing on those very docks in clothes that itched in places he didn't know clothes could itch, Jacaerys wondered if he'd oversold the enthusiasm. The fish merchant before him was eyeing him suspiciously as he fumbled with the copper coins in his hand.

"Bit soft for dock work, aren't you?" the merchant asked, his weathered face creasing with doubt.

Jacaerys cleared his throat, remembering to roughen his accent. "Eager to learn," he managed, trying not to wince at the overwhelming smell of fish that clung to everything, including, now, himself.

He straightened, wiping sweat from his brow with a sleeve that probably made him smell worse. The theater district was visible from here, the colorful banners hanging limp in the afternoon heat. Just a few more hours, he told himself. A few more crates, a few more lectures from his grandsireabout proper cargo distribution, and then...

"Oy! Less dreaming, more lifting!" The dock master's voice cut through his thoughts. Jacaerys quickly returned to his task, though he couldn't help but smile. For once, his fancy education was useless – here, he was just another pair of hands, exactly as he'd wanted.

He adjusted his hood, making sure his telltale hair remained hidden. One more crate. One more hour. One more step closer to seeing you again, this time with a legitimate excuse for his presence in this part of town. Sometimes, he mused as he hefted another load of fish, even princes had to get their hands dirty to keep their secrets safe.

The familiar scent of dust and candlesmoke filled his lungs as he entered the theater, though now it mingled with the lingering smell of fish that clung to his clothes. This time, as promised what felt like ages ago, he took a proper seat. His hands fidgeted in his lap throughout the performance, hyper-aware of every moment you looked toward the audience.

Only once did your eyes meet his, a brief flicker of recognition crossing your face before you looked away, continuing your lines without pause. The dismissal stung more than he'd expected, though he knew he deserved it.

When the performance ended and the sparse crowd began to filter out, Jacaerys remained in his seat, watching as you sat at the edge of the stage. Papers were scattered around you, tomorrow's dialogues that you mouthed silently to yourself, completely absorbed in your work. The torchlight caught the furrow of concentration between your brows, the slight movement of your lips as you memorized your lines.

His heart quickened as he approached the stage, his boots scuffing against the floor to announce his presence. You didn't look up.

"That was beautiful," he said softly, his voice rough from a day of salt air and hauling cargo.

You turned a page, still not looking at him. "Thank you for your patronage," you said, your tone formal, distant – nothing like the warm teasing he remembered.

"I..." he started, then faltered. What could he say? That he'd been trapped in council meetings? That his princely duties had kept him away? "I'm sorry about last week."

"Mm," you hummed noncommittally, marking something on your script with decisive strokes. "No need to apologize. You paid for your seat, same as anyone else."

The coldness in your voice made him wince.

"I wanted to come," he said, the truth of it aching in his chest. "I tried, but…"

"The docks must have been very busy," you cut in, finally looking up at him. Your eyes were sharp, none of their usual warmth present.

"I went there, you know," you said, your voice soft but edged with hurt. "After you didn't show. I thought perhaps you'd been caught up in work, or..." You let out a small, bitter laugh. "But it was quiet. Dead empty by the time I got there."

Jacaerys felt the blood drain from his face. Of course you'd gone to look for him – your kindness hadn't been an act. While he'd been trapped in that endless council meeting, you'd been worried enough to search for him.

"If you weren't interested in sharing wine with me, or..." you paused, a faint flush coloring your cheeks, "whatever it might have led to, you could have simply said so. I'm an actor – I can handle rejection without requiring elaborate excuses about dock work."

The mention of wine caught him off guard. His chest tightened with the realization of what he'd missed, what could have been if duty hadn't intervened.

"That's not..." he started, his voice hoarse. "I did want... I mean, I do want..." The words tangled on his tongue, princely eloquence deserting him entirely.

You gathered your papers with sharp, efficient movements. "Save it," you said, though there was more weariness than anger in your tone now. "I've played this scene before, though usually with better dialogue."

"Please," he said, taking a step closer to the stage. "Let me explain."

You stood, clutching your scripts to your chest like a shield. "Explain what?"

The question hit him like a physical blow. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, the truth lodged painfully in his throat. He couldn't tell you – couldn't risk your safety, your career, everything you'd built here. But oh, how he wanted to.

"I'm someone who finds magic in your performances," he said finally, the words barely above a whisper. "Someone who would have given anything to be here that night, to share that wine with you, to..." he trailed off, seeing the way your expression hardened at his evasion.

"Pretty words," you said, your voice flat.

"Wait," he called as you turned to leave. "I'll pay you. For private readings."

You paused, one eyebrow rising slightly. "Private readings?"

"Monologues, scenes, whatever you're working on." His words came faster now, desperate to keep you from walking away. "I meant what I said. Let me prove it."

You studied him for a long moment, your scripts still held tight against your chest. "You have coin for private readings?" Your tone was skeptical, though something else flickered in your expression – curiosity, perhaps.

"Name your price."

A small crease appeared between your brows as you considered him. "Why?"

"Because I want to understand," he said softly. "How you make people believe in the stories you tell. And I want to know you."

You were quiet for so long he thought you'd refuse. Then, slowly, you set your scripts down. "Three copper stars per hour," you said finally. "And you show up when you say you will, or the arrangement ends."

His heart leaped. "Done."

"Tomorrow evening then," you said, your tone still guarded but no longer cold. "After the last performance."

He nodded, relief flooding through him. "I'll be here," he promised, and this time, he'd make sure nothing – not even his mother's councils – would stop him.

You pulled the last torch from its bracket, extinguishing it with practiced efficiency. The theater fell into deeper shadow, lit only by a single remaining flame near the stage. Jacaerys watched as you moved through your closing routine, straightening props and gathering scattered programs.

"Help me with these chairs?" you asked, your tone lighter now than during your earlier conversation. He rushed to assist, eager to prove his reliability.

The scrape of wood against wood filled the quiet space as you worked together. When the last chair was properly placed, you pulled a ring of keys from your pocket.

"I usually stay late," you said, twirling the thick keys between your fingers. "Practice keeps the stories fresh, and it gives overeager admirers time to clear out." Your eyes sparkled with meaning in the low light. "Though some are more persistent than others."

Before Jacaerys could respond, you stepped closer. His breath caught as your hand reached for his hood, pulling it back just enough to see his face properly in the dim light.

"There you are," you murmured, studying him with renewed interest. "I was beginning to think you lived in that hood."

He stayed perfectly still, heart thundering as you examined him. Your fingers lingered near his jaw, not quite touching.

"Tomorrow then?" you asked, your voice taking on a teasing lilt. "Unless you plan to stand me up again?"

"I won't," he promised, his voice rougher than intended.

You smiled, stepping back. "We'll see." You moved toward the door, keys jingling. "Good night."

The way you said it – playful, almost knowing – made his pulse quicken. But you were already gone, leaving him alone in the theater's shadows, the ghost of your almost-touch burning on his skin.

***

Jacaerys stunk of fish. He was sure he had scales stuck under his fingernails from messily cleaning the slippery creatures in the early morning chill. The sea air clung to him, sharp and salty, mingling unpleasantly with the damp sweat on his brow. He cursed under his breath as he scrubbed his hands in the frigid water of a wooden basin, but no amount of scrubbing seemed to erase the stubborn scent.

The bath water had grown cold, but Jacaerys barely noticed. His muscles ached from hauling cargo, though the hot water had helped ease the worst of it. He scrubbed his skin again, determined to remove every trace of fish and salt. The scent had clung to him stubbornly, refusing to yield to even the strongest soaps.

He was nearly dozing, head tipped back against the copper rim, when a knock startled him fully awake.

"Decent?" Lucerys's voice called through the door.

"Give me a moment," Jacaerys sighed, reaching for a clean cloth. He'd barely finished dressing when Lucerys entered, expression already set in familiar lines of concern.

"The docks?" Lucerys asked, leaning against the doorframe. "Really?"

Jacaerys ran the cloth through his damp hair. "Grandsire was pleased."

"Grandsire would be pleased if you learned to juggle fish," Lucerys countered. "But that's not why you're doing it."

"Luke–"

"Just..." Lucerys paused, his young face serious. "Promise me you're not in trouble."

Jacaerys met his brother's worried gaze. "I promise. But I need you to keep this secret."

"Which part? The sneaking out or the fish-hauling?"

"Both."

Lucerys studied him for a long moment before nodding slowly. "Fine. But if you get caught–"

"I won't."

Jacaerys caught a whiff of soap from his sleeve. No trace of fish remained. He heaved a sigh, tossing the towel onto the nearest chair. "Fine." He paused, pinning his younger brother with a level look. "But you have to swear not to tell anyone. If you breathe a word, I’ll tell the septa you swore foolishly."

Lucerys’s face flushed a deep red. "You wouldn’t."

"Oh, I absolutely would," Jacaerys said with mock gravity. "So, do we have a deal?"

Lucerys hesitated, then huffed. "Fine. But if this is something stupid, I’m going straight to Mother."

"It’s not stupid," Jacaerys said, though the faintest smile tugged at his lips. He leaned in conspiratorially. "I met someone. In town."

Lucerys blinked. "What?"

"I met someone," he repeated. "She doesn’t know who I am. At least, not yet. She just thinks I’m a dockhand."

Lucerys stared at him like he’d grown a second head. "And this… someone… doesn’t recognize you as the prince? At all?"

Jacaerys shrugged. but the motion was stiff, his gaze skittering away from Lucerys's penetrating stare. "I… may not have been entirely honest with her," he admitted, voice dropping.

Lucerys’s eyes narrowed.

Jacaerys sighed, running a hand through his damp hair. "I told her I was just a dockhand. A commoner."

For a moment, Lucerys just stared at him, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. "You lied to her? Does she even know your name?"

"Of course, she does," Jacaerys muttered. "Just not my full name."

Lucerys's expression darkened, and his hands curled into fists at his sides. "Are you insane? What were you thinking?"

"I don’t know!" Jacaerys snapped, his frustration boiling over. He began pacing the small room, his words tumbling out in a rush. "I don’t know why I did it. She was just so... kind. So wistful. So beautiful. She spoke to me like I was just another person, Luke, not a prince or a pawn in some court game. It was different. She’s different."

Lucerys’s face twisted in a snarl. "You’re a fool. This is reckless, Jace, even for you."

"Then don’t say anything," Jacaerys bit back, his tone hard. "You swore, remember?"

Lucerys hesitated, his lips pressing into a thin line. He shook his head, exhaling sharply through his nose. "Fine. But when this blows up in your face – and it will – don’t come crying to me."

Jacaerys didn’t reply, his silence heavy. For the first time, the faint scent of soap felt cloying instead of clean, and the weight of his choices pressed down on him, harder than any fish-laden barrel ever had.

All of his worries about the conversation with Lucerys – the bitter taste in his mouth and the tight pit of guilt in his stomach – melted away the moment he sneaked past the guards. The relief was instant, the tension draining from his shoulders as he let his hood fall lower over his face. He could barely contain the smile tugging at the corners of his lips, excitement bubbling up inside him.

He kept his hand firmly clutching his hood, not wanting to risk it slipping, though it wasn’t as if anyone would recognize him in the shadows. It was his little rebellion, this secret. The life he could steal away from his royal duties for just a few precious hours.

As he neared the theatre house, the muffled sounds of commotion and laughter leaked from the building’s walls, the excitement from inside spilling out into the night air. He could feel his pulse quicken, and without hesitation, he paid the man at the door – just as he had the other times.

He made his way through the narrow hallway, finally arriving at his usual spot – the seats tucked away behind a makeshift curtained backstage.

Jacaerys settled into the seat, adjusting the folds of his cloak. He exhaled slowly, leaning back, the first moments of peace he'd had all day flooding over him.

Then, as he shifted his weight, a hand rested lightly on his arm, squeezing just enough to send a thrill through his spine. His breath hitched as he turned toward the sound of his name, barely a whisper on your lips.

"Jace."

You were already painted for the play, your face a canvas of vibrant colors and delicate lines. The artistry of your makeup only accentuated your natural beauty, your eyes sparkling under the soft light. His heart skipped a beat, and for a long moment, he forgot how to breathe.

You were radiant, more than he could have ever imagined, and his mouth went dry. He gaped, unable to stop his gaze from lingering on you – your delicate features, the way your lips were painted, the playful yet mysterious expression in your eyes. He had seen you countless times before, but tonight, in the flickering shadows of the theatre, you felt otherworldly.

When your fingers brushed lightly against his arm again, the moment snapped back into reality. Your voice, soft and warm, stirred him from his daze. "Jace," you repeated, a gentle laugh in your tone, as if you were amused by the surprise in his eyes. "I need your help."

His mouth went dry, and he nodded quickly, standing up a bit too hastily.

"Come on," you coaxed, giving him a small, teasing look. "It won’t take long."

His mind was in chaos – his pulse still hammering in his ears, the lingering warmth of your touch on his sleeve – yet he couldn’t deny the pull of your invitation. Without another thought, he stood up, following you as you made your way past the curtains into the backstage area.

You smiled, a glimmer of mischief crossing your face. "Follow me," you said.

You led him backstage, the familiar scent of the theatre – of wood, ink, and the remnants of makeup – filling his senses as you guided him past the cluttered dressing rooms and hastily thrown-together props. The atmosphere back here was markedly different from the grandness of the performance, and Jacaerys couldn’t help but feel a sense of intimacy in the narrow hallways, the noise of the crowd just a distant hum.

When you stopped in front of a small mirror framed with tattered curtains, you turned to him, your hands moving through your hair with a practiced grace. You sat down, and reached for a string cord to tie your hair. You handed it to him.

He obeyed without thinking, though his hands were clammy and his chest tight with anticipation. "What... what do you need me to do?"

"I can’t get the braid right," you explained softly, your voice a gentle hum. "I always get tangled in the strands. It’s easier when someone else does it."

He nodded, trying to keep his breath steady, though his heart pounded in his chest. His hands were still – stiff at his sides.

Jacaerys hesitated, his hands feeling strangely foreign as they hovered over the delicate strands of your hair. He had grown up surrounded by brothers, never once considering that there would come a time when he'd need to braid someone’s hair. His mind scrambled for any kind of memory, any sort of knowledge about how to do this, but all he could recall were fleeting moments when he’d seen Baela and Rhaena’s handmaidens working deftly with their hair, and he’d never paid attention, too busy with other things.

His throat went dry, and he cleared it, trying to find his voice. You were looking at him expectantly.

You let out a light laugh, as if to ease the tension. "I’ve seen dockmen tie knots for the boats – braiding is not too different, right?" You gave him a playful, knowing look. "It’s just like that. Easy enough, I’m sure."

He could almost hear his own thoughts racing, trying to latch onto something that would help him make this moment less awkward. But the only thing that came to mind was the idea of knots. The docks. Boats. He felt completely out of his element.

He shifted uncomfortably, his hands still suspended in the air, and then, in a voice that was a little too thick with nerves, he answered, "I’ve never worked as a docksman for boats. Not really my thing."

Not really a lie, he comforted himself, he hadn’t worked with boat knots.

"I’m more on the cleaning-up side. Fish guts, mostly." He winced at the thought, but there was no hiding the truth in his words.

The image of him, his hands deep in fish guts, made you laugh softly, the sound light and musical. "Ah," you said, with a playful wink. "Well, at least you're used to working with your hands."

Jacaerys’s cheeks flushed at the implication, and he let out a sheepish breath. It wasn’t exactly the image he wanted to project, but there was something about your teasing that made it harder to feel embarrassed. He felt a strange warmth flood through him at the lightheartedness in your voice.

"I guess so," he mumbled, leaning closer to your hair, trying to focus on the task at hand. His fingers shook slightly as they brushed the strands, the delicate texture of your hair catching him off guard.

Your smile softened, and you tilted your head, making it easier for him to reach the strands you wanted braided. "It’s alright. I’m not picky," you assured him, your voice softening. "I just need it out of the way, you know?"

Jacaerys took a deep breath, trying to steady his trembling fingers. Your hair was silk against his hands – hands that just hours ago had been covered in fish scales and sea salt. He separated the strands carefully, remembering distantly how his mother's handmaidens would work, their movements quick and assured where his were hesitant. He pretended to know what he was doing.

"Like this?" he asked softly, attempting to weave the sections together. The result was clumsy, uneven, nothing like the elegant styles he'd seen at court.

You hummed encouragement, your eyes meeting his in the mirror. "Perfect," you said, though it clearly wasn't. "You have gentle hands for someone who handles fish all day."

He nearly dropped the strands at that, his chest tightening at the compliment. If you only knew how those hands had gripped dragon reins, had wielded training swords, had signed royal documents...

"I..." he started, then swallowed hard. "Thank you."

Your lips curved into a knowing smile. "You're blushing."

"It's warm back here," he muttered, focusing intently on the braid to hide his reddening cheeks.

"Mmhmm," you teased. "Nothing to do with being alone with an actress in her dressing room, then?"

His fingers fumbled, and the braid began to unravel. "I should start over," he said quickly, carefully undoing his messy work.

You laughed softly, the sound sending warmth spreading through his chest. "Take your time. The crowd's still filing in." You relaxed slightly, letting your head tilt back. "Tell me about your day? Did you catch anything interesting in those fish guts of yours?"

Jacaerys bit back a smile, grateful for the simple question even as guilt pricked at his conscience. "Nothing but the usual," he said, trying again with the braid. "Though there was one fish bigger than any I'd seen before. Nearly pulled me into the water when we hauled it in."

It wasn't entirely a lie – he had seen such a fish today, though he hadn't been the one to catch it. The dock workers had called him over to see it, proud of their unusual catch.

"I'm sure you handled it masterfully," you said, your eyes sparkling with mischief in the mirror. "My brave fishmonger."

His heart skipped at the possessive note in your voice, even as shame coiled in his stomach at the deception. He focused on the braid, his movements becoming more confident as he found a rhythm.

"There," he said finally, securing the end with the cord you'd given him. It wasn't perfect – nowhere near the intricate styles of court – but it would hold your hair back for the performance.

You turned your head, examining his work in the mirror. "Not bad at all," you said, reaching back to touch it gently. Your fingers brushed against his as you did, sending a jolt through his entire body. "You might have missed your call. Perhaps you should leave the fish guts behind and become a lady's hairdresser instead."

He laughed despite himself, the sound slightly strained. "I think I'll stick to the docks."

"Pity," you said, standing and turning to face him. In the small space, you were suddenly very close, close enough that he could see the individual brushstrokes of stage paint on your cheeks. "I rather enjoyed having you play with my hair."

Before he could respond, a voice called your name from beyond the curtain. "Five minutes!"

"Duty calls," you sighed, though you didn't move away immediately. "Will you watch tonight?"

He nodded, not trusting his voice.

"Good." You reached up, adjusting his hood slightly where it had slipped. "Try not to hide too much in those shadows of yours. I like seeing your face."

Then you were gone, sweeping past the curtain toward the stage, leaving Jacaerys alone with the lingering warmth of your presence and the phantom sensation of your hair between his fingers.

He touched his hood where your hand had been, his heart thundering in his chest. Every lie, every deception felt heavier now, weighted with something more than just guilt. But he couldn't think about that – not now, not when you were about to perform, not when you'd looked at him like that.

Taking a shaky breath, he made his way back to his seat, already knowing he wouldn't see a moment of the play. His mind would be too full of your smile in the mirror, your teasing words, and the way you'd called him yours, even if it was just in jest.

True to his prediction, Jacaerys barely registered the play. His mind kept drifting back to the dressing room, to your fingers brushing his, to the way you'd called him with that teasing lilt in your voice. Even now, hours later, his hands still tingled with the memory of your hair between his fingers.

The last patrons were filling out, their chatter fading into the night. You were moving about the stage, gathering props with practiced efficiency, but your movements seemed slower than usual, more deliberate. Every so often, your eyes would drift to where he sat, still in his shadowed corner.

His braid had held throughout your performance, though a few strands had escaped to frame your face. It made him oddly proud, seeing his handiwork survive your dramatic gestures and quick turns.

"Are you going to help," you called out without looking up, teasing tone "or just watch me work?"

Jacaerys started, realizing he'd been caught staring. He rose quickly, making his way to the stage. "What do you need?"

You glanced at him, a smile playing at your lips. "These need to go back to the prop room," you said, gesturing to a collection of wooden swords and painted shields. "Think your dock-strengthened arms can handle it?"

He gathered the props, careful not to let his familiarity with real weapons show in how he handled them. "I think I can manage."

You led him through the backstage area again, but this time there was no bustling energy, no rushed preparations. Just quiet, broken only by your footsteps and the occasional creak of old wood.

"Your braid is holding up well," he said softly as you walked.

"Mmm," you hummed, reaching back to touch it. "Perhaps I should keep you around. My own personal hairdresser who smells of fish."

"I don't smell of fish anymore," he protested, though he couldn't help but smile.

"No," you agreed, stopping at the prop room door. "You smell of soap. Too much soap, actually." You turned to face him, eyes glinting in the dim light. "Almost as if someone very deliberately tried to wash away the scent of honest work."

Jacaerys's heart stuttered. "I..."

"Careful with those," you said, nodding to the props in his arms, effectively cutting off his fumbling response. "Some of them are older than both of us combined."

The prop room was smaller than he'd imagined, cramped with shelves of costumes and worn set pieces. As he carefully placed the wooden swords in their designated spot, he was acutely aware of your presence behind him, of how the small space seemed to shrink further.

"You're different," you said suddenly.

He froze, his back still to you. "What do you mean?"

"From the other dock workers who come here." Your voice was thoughtful. "They watch the plays, sure, but not like you do. You watch like someone who understands the stories we're telling. Like someone who's read them before."

Jacaerys turned slowly, his throat tight. You were leaning against the doorframe, effectively blocking his exit, though he doubted that was your intention.

"Maybe I just like stories," he managed.

"Maybe," you agreed, but your eyes were sharp, searching. "Where do you live?" you asked, still blocking the doorway with casual grace. "For the readings. If you were serious about wanting them."

"I was," he said quickly – too quickly perhaps. "I am serious."

You tilted your head, studying him. "Then where? The dock district isn't far. We could use your home, if you'd prefer privacy for practice."

Jacaerys's mind raced. The thought of you anywhere near the castle made his chest tight with panic. "My home isn't... suitable," he said carefully.

"Not suitable?" Your eyebrow arched. "What, do you live with a dozen rowdy sailors?"

"It's..." he hesitated, searching for a plausible excuse. "Messy. Very messy. And small." The lie felt clumsy on his tongue.

"Messy," you repeated, and something in your tone made him nervous. "You know, for someone who claims to love stories, you're not very good at telling them."

His heart skipped. "I'm not lying."

"No?" You stepped closer, and in the cramped space of the prop room, there was nowhere for him to retreat. He swallowed hard. "The stage," he blurted out.

You paused. "What?"

"For the readings," he clarified, seizing the chance to change topics. "We could use the stage. You're here late anyway, closing up. It would be perfect – good acoustics, proper space to move..." He trailed off, watching your expression shift from suspicion to consideration.

"The stage," you mused, and he could see you warming to the idea. "It would be fitting, I suppose. Though you'd have to help me close up properly first."

"Of course," he agreed quickly, relief flooding through him. "Whatever you need."

You studied him for another long moment, and he fought the urge to pull his hood lower. Finally, you smiled – that warm, teasing smile that made his chest ache.

The stage felt different in the near-darkness, with only two torches casting long shadows across the worn boards. You sat cross-legged at its edge, a small, leather-bound book in your hands. Jacaerys noticed how carefully you held it, as if it were something precious.

"I brought something," you said, running your fingers along the book's spine. "It's... well, it's not exactly high literature." You laughed softly, almost self-consciously. "I found it while cleaning my shelves. I used to read it constantly when I was younger."

Jacaerys settled beside you, leaving just enough space between you to be proper, but close enough to see the way the torchlight caught the slight flush in your cheeks.

"What is it?" he asked.

"A story about a merchant's daughter who stows away on a trading ship," you said, opening the book with practiced care. "She disguises herself as a cabin boy to see the world." You paused, glancing at him. "It's rather juvenile, I suppose. I should have brought something more sophisticated for this, but..."

"No," Jacaerys said quickly. "I'd like to hear it."

He shifted closer, not wanting to miss a single word. The playfulness, the teasing from earlier, seemed to vanish in this quieter space, replaced by something more vulnerable, more raw.

You opened the book, and the soft rustling of the pages filled the silence as your voice began to weave through the room. The story was indeed simple, a tale of youthful adventure and impossible dreams, but there was a certain magic in the way you read. You held onto the book with only one hand as you recited the lines playfully, moving around the stage like you owned it.

Your eyes flickered to his occasionally, perhaps searching for something in his expression, but he could never meet your gaze for long. His mind, far too preoccupied, ran with the warmth of your presence, the flutter of your fingers near his, the way you’d laughed at his earlier attempts with your hair. The way he wanted so badly to be someone else, someone worthy of what you had to offer.

As the story ended, you closed the book with a soft thud, letting the silence settle between you like a blanket.

Jacaerys hadn't moved from where he sat, leaning back on his hands with his gaze fixed on the stage floor as if still lost in the tale you'd shared.

With a playful grin, you shifted onto your stomach, then rolled onto your back, draping yourself along the edge of the stage. Your head tipped over the side, hair cascading down in a curtain toward the floor, and your upside-down gaze caught his.

"You look like you're a thousand leagues away," you teased, your voice laced with amusement. "Did I lose you in the second chapter, or are you still picturing the cabin boy's grand escape?"

Jacaerys blinked, startled from his thoughts, and his eyes softened as they met yours. Upside down, his lips curled into a shy smile, and the torchlight caught the faintest trace of color in his cheeks.

"I was thinking about how well you told it."

You arched a brow, toying idly with the braid he'd clumsily woven earlier. "Well, I am an actress. Storytelling comes with the territory."

"Not just that," he said, his gaze flicking briefly to your hands as you played with the braid, then back to your face. "Your voice – it's... suited for poetry. Or recitals. You make the words feel alive."

Your playful grin softened into something more genuine as you watched him. Upside down or not, you could see the sincerity in his expression, the way his admiration seemed almost reluctant, as though he was revealing more than he meant to.

"That's high praise from a dockhand," you teased lightly, though your voice carried a touch of gratitude. "Should I add 'poetry readings' to our stage practices?"

He chuckled, the sound soft and genuine. "If anyone could make a dockhand appreciate poetry, it would be you."

You laughed at that, the sound ringing through the empty theater, and you shifted upright, pulling your braid over your shoulder and inspecting it. "Have you got any sisters?"

"Brothers," he corrected.

"Ah," you said, twisting the end of the braid between your fingers as you gave him a thoughtful look. "That explains it, then. No sisters to pester you into learning how to braid properly."

Jacaerys huffed a quiet laugh, his lips twitching into a wry smile. "I suppose not. Though I’m beginning to think I’ve missed out on an essential skill."

You tilted your head, feigning seriousness. "Absolutely. A man who can braid hair is a rare treasure."

He shook his head, his smile growing as he leaned back on his hands. "I’ll keep that in mind. Though I doubt my brothers would agree."

"Probably not," you said with a laugh, leaning forward slightly, your elbows propped on your knees. "How many brothers do you have, then? Enough to form a little troupe of your own?"

"Four," he replied, his expression softening as he spoke of them.

A beat of silence.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked, his voice hesitant, as though testing the waters for something delicate.

You turned slightly, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. "Of course. What's on your mind?"

He hesitated again, his gaze flicking to the ground before meeting yours. "I... I hope this doesn’t offend you," he started, his tone cautious, "but I was wondering... How is it that you can read? I mean, it’s not... common, for someone who's not of noble blood."

His words hung in the air, and you could see the uncertainty in his expression, as though he feared he'd crossed some invisible line.

You gave him a reassuring smile, one that carried no offense.

"It’s a fair question," you said, your tone light and easy. "I wasn’t born into nobility, if that's what you're thinking. But I was fortunate enough to grow up in a place where books were more than just decoration."

Jacaerys looked at you, still uncertain but with a glimmer of intrigue in his eyes. "I didn’t mean to–"

"You didn’t offend me," you interrupted gently, stepping closer to him. "Where I grew up, stories mattered. Not just noble ones, but those passed down through the workers, the farmers, the people. And the only way to keep them alive was to read." You paused, your expression softening as you thought back. "Books were a window to something bigger. So, I made sure to learn."

His gaze lingered on you, and for a moment, it seemed like he was seeing you in a different light, as if you were a story he hadn't yet fully understood. "I admire that," he said quietly, a note of genuine respect in his voice. "It’s rare to find someone who values stories that way."

You shrugged, a playful smile tugging at your lips. "I suppose it helps to have a bit of stubbornness in you, too." You gave him a teasing look. "Besides, there are some things that can’t be learned without a little persistence."

He chuckled, the tension in his shoulders easing. "True enough," he said, his smile soft and unguarded. "Maybe I should learn a few things from you."

You returned his smile, warmth filling your chest as you looked at him, a connection lingering between you that felt both unspoken and understood. "I think you'd be a quick study," you said, stepping back with a final glance.

You smiled. Jacaerys was sure he could get used to it.

***

The sun was high and merciless when you found him at the docks, his face smudged with dirt and hands glistening with fish scales. You weaved through the busy workers with practiced ease, though Jacaerys noticed how eyes followed your progress – dock hands, merchants, even his grandfather's guards trying to be discrete in their observation of their prince.

His heart thundered as you approached, but your smile was as bright as ever, seemingly oblivious to the attention surrounding him. "There's my favorite fishmonger," you called out cheerfully.

Jacaerys relaxed slightly, though he couldn't help glancing around to gauge if anyone had heard. But you didn't seem to notice anything amiss about the way conversations had hushed, about how people kept stealing glances in their direction.

"Let me wash up," he said quickly, already moving toward a water barrel. As he scrubbed the fish scales from his hands, you leaned against a nearby post, watching the bustling dock activity with interest.

"I brought the books I mentioned," he said, drying his hands on his rough-spun shirt. "From that old section of town I told you about."

"The one where the castle's maesters get their volumes?" Your eyes lit up with curiosity. "I still can't believe you found such a place. Have you seen them there? The maesters? Or..." you paused, a different kind of interest crossing your face, "any of the royal family?"

His throat went dry. "I... try to keep to myself when I'm there."

"I've only heard whispers," you continued, unaware of his panic. "Especially about the heir – Prince Jacaerys." You laughed softly, a slight flush coloring your cheeks. "The way some speak of him, you'd think he was something out of a story. Beautiful beyond belief, they say. Dark hair like moonlight, eyes like amethysts." You rolled your eyes. "It seems rather far-fetched, doesn't it? No one can be that lovely."

He nearly choked on air, but you didn't notice, too caught up in your thoughts.

Jacaerys was grateful for the dirt still smudged on his face – it helped hide his burning cheeks. "Perhaps they exaggerate," he managed.

"Oh, certainly," you agreed, a snort coming out of your throat. You looked at his messily washed hands. "You must think of me to be a gossip…"

"Not at all," Jacaerys said, fighting to keep his voice steady. "Though I'm surprised you pay attention to such rumors."

You shrugged, a mischievous glint in your eyes. "Well, when half your audience consists of castle servants and dock workers, you hear things. Apparently, this prince is quite the scholar too – languages, history, dragon lore." You nudged his arm playfully. "Nothing like my simple fishmonger who can barely get through a scene without stumbling over the big words."

He made a sound of protest that came out more strangled than intended. "I don't stumble that much."

"Oh? What about last night's reading? 'Inexorable' had you tangled for a good minute."

"The light was poor," he muttered, though his lips twitched with suppressed amusement at the irony. He'd learned that word at six, but deliberately mispronouncing it had made you laugh so beautifully.

"Of course," you agreed, your tone teasing. "Just like how the light was poor when you couldn't read 'magnanimous.' And 'perpetuity.' And–"

"Yes, yes," he cut in, unable to hold back a smile. "We can't all be as learned as Prince Jacaerys."

You laughed, the sound drawing more attention from the dock workers. "Gods, can you imagine? Teaching theatre to a prince?" You struck an exaggerated noble pose. "'No, Your Highness, you're holding the script all wrong. More feeling in the death scene, if it please Your Grace!'"

Jacaerys nearly bit through his tongue trying not to react. "You'd probably make him practice until he got it right," he said, his voice slightly hoarse.

"Naturally. Crown or no crown, proper dramatic timing waits for no man." You grinned, then glanced at the sun's position. "Speaking of timing, I should go. Rehearsal soon." You started to turn, then paused. "You'll be there tonight?"

He nodded, not trusting his voice.

"Good. And try to wash your face properly before you come. You've got a smudge right..." you reached out, thumb brushing his cheek. The touch sent warmth spreading across his skin, and he had to resist the urge to lean into it. "There. Though I suppose a little dirt suits you. Makes you look more..." you searched for the word, "authentic."

You shifted the books to one arm, reaching into a hidden pocket of your dress with your free hand.

Jacaerys expected you to pull out the coins he'd given you for lessons. Instead, you produced a small wrapped pastry, slightly squashed but still warm.

"The baker's wife likes our performances," you explained, offering it to him. "She gives us treats sometimes, when we have good shows. This one's honey and apple – I thought you might be hungry, working all day in the sun."

The simple kindness of the gesture made his chest tight. Here you were, sharing what little you had with someone you thought was a common dock worker, while he played at poverty with a prince's purse.

"You don't have to–" he started, but you pressed the pastry into his hands.

"Take it," you insisted. "You're too thin for someone who carries fish all day." Your eyes sparkled with mischief.

As you walked away, weaving through the crowd with natural grace, Jacaerys touched the spot where your thumb had been. He caught sight of his grandsire watching from the harbor master's office, one eyebrow raised in obvious amusement.

Well, at least someone was enjoying this.

The theater felt smaller at night, more intimate with just the two of you seated on the stage's edge, legs dangling over the side. You held one of his poetry books in your lap, fingers tracing the gilded edges with obvious reverence

"This binding," you murmured, "it's beautiful. Are you sure you found this in some old bookshop?" You glanced at him sideways. "It looks more like something from the castle library."

Jacaerys's heart skipped, but he kept his voice steady. "The old quarter has its secrets."

You hummed thoughtfully, opening to a marked page. "Listen to this one: 'The sea at dawn holds secrets in her depths, while dragons dance on clouds of morning light...'" You paused, looking up at him. "It's about Dragonstone, isn't it? The way the dragons patrol at sunrise?"

"You've seen them?" he asked carefully

"Everyone has. They're hard to miss." You smiled, turning back to the book. "Though I've never seen them quite like this poet describes. 'Dancing on clouds' – it makes them sound almost gentle."

"They can be," Jacaerys said without thinking. "When they want to be."

You raised an eyebrow. "Speaking from experience, are you?"

He coughed, quickly backtracking. "I just mean... from what I've observed. From the docks."

"Mm." You returned to the poem, but there was something knowing in your smile that made him nervous. "'While sailors dream of distant shores unknown, their vessels rock in harbor's gentle sway...'" Your voice softened on the words. "It's lovely. Sad, though. All that longing for something just out of reach."

Jacaerys watched your profile in the torchlight, the way your lips moved slightly as you read silently ahead. "Do you ever feel that way?" he asked quietly. "Longing for something distant?"

You were quiet for a moment, fingers still running along the page's edge. "Sometimes," you admitted. "When I'm performing, I can be anyone, go anywhere. But when the play ends..." You shrugged, trying to keep your tone light. "Well, we can't all be princes and princesses, can we?"

The irony of your words made his chest ache. "Would you want to be?" he asked, genuinely curious. "A princess?"

You laughed, the sound echoing in the empty theater. "Gods, maybe. But I prefer my freedom, limited as it might be." You bumped his shoulder playfully. "Though I wouldn't mind access to a library like this. Where did you say you found these books again?"

"I didn't," he said, managing a small smile. "Trade secret."

"Secretive dock worker," you teased, turning another page. "With your mysterious books and your perfect manners and your..." you trailed off, something catching your attention in the text. "Oh, this is beautiful. 'In silence dwells the truth we dare not speak, while hearts beat poetry in darkened halls...'"

"What's this?" you asked, tilting the book to catch the torchlight. Your finger traced elegant script in the margin – notes in High Valyrian that Jacaerys instantly recognized as his own. His stomach dropped.

"I didn't know you read High Valyrian."

"I don't," he said too quickly. "Those notes were already there when I got the book."

You hummed thoughtfully, studying the writing. "Strange. The ink looks fresh." Your eyes met his, curious and sharp. "And these appear throughout the book, always in the same hand. Whoever owned it before must have loved poetry deeply."

Jacaerys shifted uncomfortably. Those notes were his thoughts on meter and metaphor, written late at night in his chamber. He'd forgotten they were there.

"Most dock workers I know can barely read the Common Tongue," you continued, your tone deliberately casual. "Let alone write scholarly notes in High Valyrian."

"Lucky find, I suppose," he managed, voice tight.

You traced another annotation with your finger. "Very lucky." There was something in your voice – not quite an accusation, but close. His heart hammered. "We should practice the next scene," he said, reaching for the book.

You let him take it, but your eyes lingered on his face. "Yes," you said softly. "We should."

The weight of unasked questions hung between you for the rest of the evening.

Jacaerys barely heard the words, too caught up in watching how the torchlight played across your face, how your voice gave life to verses he'd read a hundred times before. This was dangerous, he knew. Every moment he spent with you only made the truth harder to hide, harder to deny.

But as you read on, your voice painting pictures in the darkness, he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Here," Jacaerys said, reaching for the coins in his pocket, but you placed your hand over his, stoppin

"Don't," you said softly. The warmth of your touch made his breath catch. "You've been paying for almost a month now."

"But the readings–"

"Have been the highlight of my evenings," you finished, your fingers still resting lightly on his. "I would have done this for free from the start, if you hadn't been so insistent."

He stared at your joined hands, his pulse quickening. "I don't want to take advantage–"

"Of what?" You laughed, the sound low and warm in the quiet theater. "Of the pleasure of my company?" Your thumb brushed across his knuckles, deliberate and gentle. "Of sharing beautiful words in an empty theater?"

"I–" he started, but you cut him off again.

"If you try to pay me," you said, leaning closer, "I might actually be upset." Your eyes sparkled in the torchlight as you tilted your head. You reached two fingers to grab his chin, tilting it towards you. "You wouldn't make me sad, would you?"

The teasing lilt in your voice made his stomach flip. "No," he managed.

"Good." You squeezed his hand once before letting go, but you didn't move away. "Because I've grown quite fond of our evenings together."

Your smile was warm, inviting, and for a moment he let himself forget about the deception, about the weight of his true identity.

"As have I," he said softly, meaning it more than you could know.

You carefully closed the poetry book, but kept it in your lap, your fingers tracing the ornate cover. "Tomorrow, then? Unless you have some urgent dock business to attend to?"

The gentle mockery in your tone made him smile despite himself. "Tomorrow," he agreed, even as his conscience whispered warnings about how dangerous this was becoming.

But as you rose to leave, the book cradled against your chest like something precious, he knew he'd keep coming back, keep risking discovery, just to share these moments with you in the torch-lit dark.

***

The weeks had blurred together, each day measured not by council meetings or lessons but by the hours until he could return to the theater. His excuses about dock work had become routine, practiced, though perhaps too easily offered. Even Lucerys had stopped giving him suspicious looks, accepting his absences with a shrug.

Tonight, he barely waited for his mother to conclude the court session before excusing himself, the formalities of his royal duties quickly discarded in favor of a more pressing engagement. As soon as he reached his chambers, the ornate rings on his fingers were removed with haste, their weight clinking together softly as he shoved them into his pocket. His movements were hurried, a far cry from his usual careful precision, as he threw on the coarse cloak he kept for these clandestine outings. With a quick, practiced motion, he ruffled his hair, ensuring he looked less like a prince and more like any other man seeking anonymity.

But when he reached the theater, you weren't in your usual place. Instead, you stood outside, leaning against the wall with an expectant smile and a coat that was far too thin to fight off the bite of the cold night. The chill painted your cheeks a soft pink, and your arms were crossed, whether for warmth or simply to chastise him, he couldn't tell.

"I thought we might walk tonight," you said, pushing off from the wall. "The air's too sweet to waste indoors."

His heart jumped. The streets would be busy, the lighting better, the chances of being recognized exponentially higher. But you were already moving, glancing back at him with that teasing smile he couldn't resist.

The rings felt heavy in his pocket as he fell into step beside you, his hood pulled low against the evening light.

You led him past the rows of market stalls just beginning to close for the night, past a group of minstrels tuning their instruments, and into a quieter part of the city where the cobblestones glistened faintly with frost. He adjusted his hood every time the two of you walked past people. The hum of the crowd faded, replaced by the soft crunch of your footsteps and the occasional laugh or song drifting from a nearby tavern.

"You're quiet tonight," you said after a while, casting him a sideways glance. Your voice was light, teasing, but he caught the question beneath it.

Jace’s lips parted, then closed again as he fumbled for an answer. "Just... tired," he managed, though the weight of the word didn’t begin to encompass the whirlwind of thoughts battering his mind.

You hummed softly, unconvinced, but didn’t press. Instead, you slowed your pace, falling into step beside him. The silence stretched between you, not uncomfortable, but charged with something unspoken.

"Tell me about your day?" you said, turning to look at him.

Jacaerys hesitated, his fingers brushing against the rings in his pocket. "Fish," he said finally, managing a small smile. "Lots of fish."

You laughed, the sound bright in the cool evening air. "How descriptive. No wonder you need help with readings." You bumped your shoulder against his playfully. "Come now, surely you can do better than that. What kind of fish? Any particularly memorable ones? Anything fun?"

Your eyes sparkled with mischief. "Or did you spend the whole day swooning over thoughts of our next reading session?"

Heat crept up his neck, and he was grateful for the hood's shadows. "The fish weren't very talkative today," he said, trying to match your playful tone. "Though one did give me a rather judgmental look."

"Ah, a critic!" You clasped your hands dramatically. "Was it worse than my reaction to your first attempt at that love sonnet?"

"Nothing could be worse than that," he groaned, remembering how you'd barely contained your laughter at his overly stiff delivery.

"You've improved," you said, your voice softening. "Though you still hold yourself like you're expecting someone to paint your portrait at any moment."

His heart stuttered. "I do not–"

"Yes, you do." You reached up suddenly, tugging at his hood. "Just like now, all proper and–"

He caught your wrist gently, his pulse racing. "Don't."

Instead of pulling away, you let your hand rest in his grip. "Sorry," you asked softly. "What are you hiding under there, my mysterious fishmonger? A second head?"

"Hey," you said gently, turning your hand in his grip until your fingers intertwined. "I'm not really trying to pry. Whatever your secrets are..." You squeezed his hand. "They're yours to keep."

The simple acceptance in your voice made his chest ache. He wanted to tell you everything – about the councils, the lessons, the suffocating weight of duty. Instead, he just held your hand tighter, letting you lead him through the quiet streets.

"Though," you added after a moment, your tone lightening, "if you are hiding a second head under there, I do think I deserve to know. As your reading instructor, of course. It would explain your trouble with dialogue – having to coordinate two mouths and all."

The tension broke, and he found himself laughing despite everything. "Just the one head, I'm afraid."

"Pity. Think of the dramatic possibilities." You swung your joined hands between you like children might. "We could do all those twin soliloquies from the classical plays."

"You're ridiculous," he said fondly.

"Mm, and yet you keep coming back." You glanced at him, your smile soft in the dim light. "Must be my charming personality. Or perhaps you've fallen madly in love with my collection of dusty books."

His heart skipped at the word 'love', though he managed to keep his voice steady. "The books are very dusty."

"A key feature," you agreed solemnly. "I select them specifically for their dust content." You paused at a corner, turning to face him fully. "Speaking of which, I found another one I think you'll like. Unless you're tired of stories about people pretending to be something they're not?"

The irony wasn't lost on him, but your knowing smile held no judgment, only warmth. "Never," he said softly.

A group of late-night revelers passed nearby, their loud laughter breaking the moment. Jacaerys instinctively pulled back, his hand falling from your waist, but you kept your fingers firmly laced with his.

"So skittish," you teased, though there was a question in your eyes. "Always ready to disappear into those shadows of yours."

"Not always," he protested, squeezing your hand.

"No?" You tilted your head, studying what little you could see of his face. "Prove it. Stay in the light with me, just for a moment."

His heart raced. "I..."

"Not the hood," you added quickly, seeing his tension. "Just... stay. Here. With me." You stepped closer again, your free hand finding its way back to his chest. "Unless you have somewhere more important to be?"

The weight of his rings seemed to burn in his pocket, but Jacaerys could only focus on the warmth of your touch, the hope in your expression. "No," he said softly. "Nowhere more important than this."

"You're standing very close," you murmured, though you made no move to step away. Your joined hands were warm despite the night's chill, and your free hand still rested against his chest, surely feeling the rapid beat of his heart.

"Am I?" Jacaerys managed, his voice rougher than intended. The moonlight caught in your hair, turning the loose strands to silver, and he fought the urge to brush them back from your face.

You hummed, a smile playing at your lips. "Quite close. Almost improper for a simple dock worker." Your fingers traced an idle pattern on his chest. "What would people think?"

"Let them think what they will," he said softly, surprising himself with his boldness.

Your smile widened. "My, my. And here I thought you were shy." You tilted your face up to his, though his hood still cast shadows between you. "Are you going to kiss me? Or shall we stand here all night, scandalizing the good people of the town?"

Jacaerys's breath caught. The rings in his pocket seemed to grow heavier, a reminder of everything he was risking. But you were so close, your eyes bright with invitation, and he found himself leaning forward despite every warning his conscience screamed.

He laughed softly, the tension breaking just enough for him to find his courage. "Scandalizing the town sounds like a fine way to spend the night," he murmured, and closed the distance between you.

The kiss was gentle, tentative – everything a first kiss should be. Your lips were soft against his, and you tasted faintly of the mint leaves you chewed before performances. Your hand slid up to cup his jaw, careful not to disturb his hood, and he marveled at how you could be so mindful of his secrets even in this moment.

Your lips moved against his with a softness that stole his breath. You tilted your head slightly, drawing him closer, and the touch of your hand against his chest lingered, your fingers curling slightly against the fabric of his tunic. The kiss stretched on, slow and unhurried, filled with unspoken promises and a warmth that made the chill of the evening irrelevant.

Jacaerys felt your breath against his skin, the faintest sigh escaping as you pulled him closer, and something in his chest tightened, equal parts exhilaration and disbelief. His thumb grazed the back of your hand where your fingers remained intertwined with his, the subtle motion grounding him even as his heart thundered.

When you finally pulled back, your smile was radiant. "Well," you said, slightly breathless, "I suppose that's one way to keep warm."

He laughed, resting his forehead against yours. "Is that all it was? A practical measure against the cold?"

"Mmm, perhaps not." Your fingers traced his jaw, light as a whisper. "I might need another demonstration to be sure."

This time when he kissed you, there was nothing tentative about it. His free hand found your waist, drawing you closer as your fingers curled into his cloak. This kiss was different – deeper, hungrier. Your mouth opened under his with a soft gasp that made his head spin. His hand tightened at your waist, pulling you flush against him as your fingers slid into his hair beneath the hood, careful even in your passion not to disturb his disguise.

The taste of mint was stronger now, mixed with something uniquely you that made his heart race. Your tongue brushed his, tentative at first, then with growing confidence as he responded in kind. The world narrowed to just this – the press of your body against his, the quiet sound you made when his teeth grazed your bottom lip, the way your fingers tightened in his hair.

The kiss turned messy, desperate, months of tension finally breaking. Your back hit the wall beside you, though neither of you remembered moving. His hood cast both your faces in shadow, creating a private world where titles and duties couldn't reach. Your joined hands finally separated, allowing you to grab fistfuls of his cloak while his freed hand cupped your face, thumb stroking your cheek with a tenderness that contrasted with the heat of your kiss.

A door slammed nearby, startling you apart. A group of merchants passed by, paying them no mind, but Jacaerys's heart raced for entirely different reasons now. The reality of the situation crashed back over him – who he was, who you thought he was, all the lies between you.

But you just smiled, squeezing his hand. He exhaled a laugh, hand running over his face to try to hide away his flushing.

You fell silent, you just looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity. His thumb brushing over your cheek and your fingers running along his jawline.

You squeezed his hand once before letting go. "Same time tomorrow?"

"Always," he promised, meaning it more than you could know.

Your smile turned playful again. "Good. I have a particularly flowery sonnet picked out, just for you."

He groaned, but his chest felt light despite the lateness of the hour. "Cruel woman."

"You love it," you called after him as he started to walk away.

He did. Gods help him, he really did.

The soft clink of metal against stone barely registered at first, lost in the echo of retreating footsteps and the lingering warmth of his kiss. But something made you turn, some instinct drawing your eyes to the ground where moonlight caught on gold as he walked away.

The ring laid there, innocent and damning all at once. Your fingers trembled slightly as you picked it up, its weight surprisingly substantial for such a delicate thing. In the dim light, you could make out the craftsmanship – the kind of detail that spoke of master artisans, of wealth beyond anything you'd ever known. The sapphire caught the moonlight, seeming to glow from within, while intricate patterns wrapped around the band like elegant whispers of another world.

This was no dock worker's trinket. No simple sailor's keepsake.

Your mind raced backward through every interaction, every careful movement, every measured word. The way he held himself, even in commoner's clothes. The educated lilt to his speech that he tried so hard to hide. His intimate knowledge of the stories you performed, stories that most dock workers wouldn't have heard, let alone read.

The pieces clicked into place with devastating clarity. The careful way he kept his hood low, how he stiffened when anyone walked too close. His mysterious absences. The books, his lack of knowledge about the dock, the annotations on the stories.

You touched your lips, still tingling from his kiss. A prince. You'd kissed a prince. You'd teased him, mocked his posture, made him read love poetry in funny voices. You'd casually touched his hand, brushed his hair, pulled at his hood...

Horror and hysteria warred in your chest. How many times had you called him 'my brave fishmonger'? How many times had you laughed at his 'dock worker' stories, knowing they rang false but never imagining the truth could be quite so... impossible?

The ring felt suddenly heavy in your palm, its presence undeniable proof of a reality you weren't sure you were ready to face. You closed your fingers around the ring, its edges pressing into your skin.

The practical part of your mind whispered that you should forget this, drop the ring in the harbor and pretend you'd never seen it. The curious part wanted to confront him, to demand answers to questions you weren't sure you had the right to ask.

But mostly, you remembered the way he looked at you when you performed, like you were creating magic with mere words. The way he laughed, free and unguarded, when you teased him. The gentle touch of his hands as he helped you stack chairs after performances.

Prince or not, those moments had been real. Hadn't they?

You slipped the ring into your pocket, its weight a constant reminder of the choice you now faced. Tomorrow, he would come again, hood low and stance careful, playing at being a simple dock worker. And you would have to decide – pretend you knew nothing, confront him with the truth, or...

Your fingers brushed the ring through your pocket. Your mind rushing through all the possible outcomes.

***

Jacaerys tore through his chambers like a storm, upending cushions and emptying drawers with increasing desperation. The morning sun streamed through his windows, highlighting the chaos he'd created – clothes strewn across chairs, books scattered on the floor, his bed linens tangled from his frantic searching.

"Seven hells," he muttered, running his hands through his already disheveled hair. He'd checked his pockets three times, retraced his steps through the castle twice, and even gone back to the servant's corridor he'd used for his return.

A knock at his door made him freeze.

"Jace?" Lucerys's voice carried through the wood. "Are you ready for breakfast? Mother's asking–"

Jacaerys yanked the door open, startling his younger brother. "Where is it?" he demanded.

Lucerys blinked at him, then at the disaster behind him. "Where's what?"

"My ring." Jacaerys grabbed his brother's shoulders. "The sapphire one. Did you take it? As some sort of lesson about sneaking out?”

"What? No!" Lucerys shrugged off his grip, indignation clear on his young face. "Why would I–" He stopped, taking in Jacaerys's wild appearance. "Gods, you really lost it?"

"I didn't lose it," Jacaerys snapped, though panic was clawing at his chest. "I just... misplaced it."

"Mother's ring?" Lucerys's eyes widened. "The one she gave you for your nameday?"

Jacaerys slumped against the doorframe. "Yes," he whispered.

"Well, when did you last have it?" Lucerys asked, his anger shifting to concern.

Jacaerys's mind raced back through the previous night. He'd removed it before leaving, along with his other rings. He'd put them in his pocket, not wanting to leave them in his chambers where they might be discovered. Then...

The blood drained from his face as realization struck. The walk through the city. Your hand in his. The way he'd moved so quickly when those revelers passed...

"Jace?" Lucerys's voice seemed to come from far away. "You look like you're going to be sick."

"I have to go," Jacaerys said abruptly, pushing past his brother.

"Go? Go where? What about breakfast? Mother's expecting–"

"Cover for me," Jacaerys called over his shoulder, already halfway down the corridor. "Please, Luke."

He took the steps two at a time, his mind spinning with possibilities, each worse than the last. If someone had found it, if they recognized the craftsmanship, if word got back to the castle...

But worse than all of that was the thought that you might have found it. You, with your sharp eyes and sharper wit. You, who'd already noticed so many inconsistencies in his story.

The ring would confirm every suspicion, answer every question he'd deflected. And then what? Would you hate him for the deception? Would you understand why he'd lied? Would you...

He burst out of the castle, not even bothering with his usual careful exit routes. He had to find that ring. Had to get to the theater before everything he'd built these past weeks came crashing down around him.

Behind him, Lucerys watched from a window, shaking his head as his brother disappeared into the morning crowd. "Idiot," he muttered, though there was fondness in his voice. Then he turned to head to breakfast, already composing excuses for their mother.

The morning sun was merciless, offering far too much light as Jacaerys retraced your path from the night before. His hood was pulled so low he could barely see, but he couldn't risk being recognized – not now, not like this. His hands trembled as he searched, checking every crack between the cobblestones, every shadow where something might have rolled.

The street looked different in daylight. What had been intimate and magical in the evening was now harsh and exposed. Dock workers rushed past him, giving odd looks to the hooded figure crawling along the ground. He ignored them, focusing on each step, each possible spot where the ring might have fallen.

Here – this was where you'd taken his hand. He'd adjusted his hood then, his other hand brushing against his pocket. Had it fallen here? He ran his fingers along the edges of the stones, feeling for any glint of metal, any catch of sapphire against the morning light.

And there – that corner was where you'd pulled him close, where he'd nearly forgotten himself entirely. The memory of your touch made his chest ache, but he pushed it aside, focusing on his desperate search. His knees were dirty now, his fine clothes beneath the rough cloak covered in street dust, but he didn't care.

A group of children ran past, nearly bowling him over. He steadied himself against a wall, the same wall where you'd stood so close, where you'd offered him a kiss... He shook his head. He couldn't think about that now.

"Come on," he muttered, dropping to his knees again to check beneath a merchant's stall. "Where are you?"

The ring had to be here somewhere. It couldn't have just vanished. Unless... unless someone had already found it. Unless it was already being examined by curious hands, its royal craftsmanship raising questions he couldn't answer.

Or worse – what if you had found it? What if you were holding it right now, finally understanding every lie, every evasion, every careful deflection? The thought made him feel sick.

He'd been so careful for weeks, maintaining his disguise, watching his words. And now, because he'd been distracted by your smile, by the warmth of your hand in his, by the promise of a kiss... everything could come crashing down because of a single ring.

The irony wasn't lost on him. A prince of the realm, crawling through the streets like a beggar, searching for proof of the very identity he'd been trying to hide. If his mother could see him now...

But he couldn't stop. Not until he'd searched every inch of your path together, not until he was certain. Even as the morning grew warmer and the streets more crowded, he kept looking, his desperation mounting with each passing moment.

The ring wasn't just jewelry – it was a symbol of everything he stood to lose. His mother's trust, his carefully constructed freedom, and most importantly, your smile. Your teasing voice. Your gentle acceptance of his secrets, even when you knew he was hiding something.

Would you be so understanding when you discovered just how much he'd hidden? When you realized every moment between you had been built on lies?

The sun climbed higher, and still he searched, his heart growing heavier with each empty corner, each unremarkable shadow. Somewhere in this maze of streets lay the truth he'd been trying to keep hidden, just waiting to be discovered.

And somewhere, perhaps, you were already finding it.

The walk back to the castle felt endless. Each step seemed to echo with accusations, with imagined scenarios of you finding the ring, recognizing its royal craftsmanship, realizing every word he'd spoken had been wrapped in lies. His stomach churned with a sickness that had nothing to do with the morning's frantic searching.

He could see it all too clearly – if you’d found it – you, holding the sapphire ring up to the light, watching it catch the same way your eyes did when you smiled. Would you recognize the dragon motifs worked into the gold? Would you remember the stories you'd performed of ancient Valyrian princes and their deceptions? Would you hate him for becoming one of those characters you portrayed with such devastating accuracy?

The thought of your warm teasing turning cold, of your gentle touches becoming withdrawn, made him physically ill. He'd seen how you looked at the nobles who sometimes attended your performances – with a careful distance, a practiced deference that never reached your eyes. The thought of you looking at him that way, with that same calculated restraint, was unbearable.

But worse than the anger he imagined was the hurt he knew would follow. You, who had shared your stories, your laughter, your quiet moments after performances. You, who had trusted him enough to walk the nighttime streets hand in hand, to offer...

He pressed his palm against his mouth, remembering how close you'd been, how your lips had almost... If you found that ring now, would you think he'd been playing with you? Some bored noble amusing himself with a common theater performer?

The reality was so much worse – and so much simpler. He'd fallen in love with you. Completely, irrevocably, despite every reason he shouldn't. Despite knowing it could never last. Despite the weight of duty and tradition that hung around his neck like an iron chain.

As he slipped back into his chambers through the servant's passage, his head pounded with questions he couldn't answer. Should he go to the theater tonight, try to explain if you'd found it? Should he stay away, let you hate him from a distance rather than see the moment trust turned to betrayal in your eyes?

He collapsed onto his bed, still unmade from his morning's desperate search, and stared at the ceiling. The sapphire ring had been his mother's gift, a symbol of the responsibility he bore, the legacy he was meant to uphold. How fitting that he should lose it on the same night he'd kissed you, almost pretended he could be someone else entirely.

The worst part was knowing that even now, with everything threatening to unravel, he couldn't regret the moments he'd spent with you. The way you'd corrected his posture during readings, your hands gentle on his shoulders. The stories you'd shared in whispers after the other performers had gone. The sound of your laugh when he'd fumbled a particularly dramatic line.

He pressed his hands against his eyes until he saw stars, trying to block out the memory of your smile, your teasing voice, the way you'd looked at him in the dim light of the street. But it was no use. Every moment played behind his eyelids like one of your performances – perfect, haunting, and now possibly lost forever.

The theater felt different tonight. Every shadow seemed to hold potential danger, every glance from you a possible revelation. Jacaerys lingered in the doorway longer than usual, his feet refusing to carry him forward until you looked up from your scripts and smiled.

"There you are," you called out, but even your familiar warmth couldn't ease the knot in his stomach. "I was beginning to think you'd gotten lost."

He forced himself to move closer, though he kept more distance between you than usual. His eyes darted to your hands as you shuffled your papers – no sapphire ring glinting in the torchlight. But that didn't mean anything. You could have it tucked away somewhere, waiting for the right moment to confront him.

"Are you alright?" you asked, your smile fading slightly as you noticed his tension. "You look... haunted."

"I'm fine," he said too quickly, his voice rougher than intended. "Just tired."

You set your scripts aside, studying him with that perceptive gaze he usually found endearing but now filled him with dread. "You're a terrible liar, you know that?"

The words hit too close to home, making him flinch. You noticed – of course you noticed – and stood, moving toward him with concern written across your features.

"Hey," you said softly, reaching for his hand. He pulled back before you could touch him, immediately regretting the action when hurt flashed in your eyes.

"Sorry," he muttered, tugging his hood lower. "I just... I shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" Your voice was gentle, patient, though he could hear the confusion beneath it.

"Because..." Jacaerys's voice caught. You were still watching him, concern etched in every line of your face, and it was unbearable. The candlelight caught in your hair, reminding him of how it had felt between his fingers, how natural it had been to be close to you. Now every inch between you felt like a chasm.

"Because of last night?" you asked softly when he didn't continue. Your hands fidgeted with your scripts, a nervous gesture he'd never seen from you before. "If I made you uncomfortable, with the... I mean, when I..."

"No," he said quickly, the word escaping before he could stop it. The thought of you blaming yourself made his chest ache. "No, it's not that. It's..." He gestured helplessly, the movement sharp with frustration. "It's complicated."

You let out a soft, bitter laugh that made him freeze. "Complicated," you repeated, the word falling heavy between you. "Is that what princes call it?"

The blood drained from his face. You reached into a pocket of your dress and pulled out something that caught the torchlight – a sapphire ring, its dragon engravings unmistakable even from where he stood.

"You dropped it," you said, your voice steady but quiet. "Last night. Before you ran away." Your lips quirked in a sad smile. "Though I suppose 'running away' isn't quite accurate when you're returning to a castle."

Jacaerys couldn't breathe. His eyes were fixed on the ring, on your fingers curled loosely around it, offering it back to him like an accusation wrapped in gentleness.

The memory of last night – your lips soft against his, your hands tangled in his cloak, the way he'd pulled you closer despite every warning voice in his head – crashed over him like a wave.

"I didn't recognize it at first," you continued, your voice steady though your hands trembled slightly. "Just thought it was another prop that needed returning. But then I saw the seal." Your eyes met his, sharp with hurt and understanding. "House Targaryen. Rather expensive accessory for a dock worker, wouldn't you say?"

“How long have you known?" he managed, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Known for certain? Since last night." You turned the ring over in your palm, watching how it caught the torchlight. "Suspected? Longer. You're not as good at pretending as you think you are, my prince."

The title made him flinch. "Don't."

"Don't what?" Now there was an edge to your voice, though your hands remained gentle with his ring.

"Don't call me that," Jacaerys whispered, the words rough in his throat.

You let out a soft, hollow laugh. "My apologies, Your Grace. How terribly remiss of me." Your voice was gentle, almost sweet, but he could hear the hurt beneath it. "I've been quite ill-mannered, haven't I? All those times I teased you, touched you..." You took a step closer, still holding out the ring. "Made you braid my hair with those royal hands of yours."

"Please," he started, but you continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"I should have known, really. The way you moved, the way you spoke..." Your eyes searched what little of his face was visible under the hood. "Tell me, my prince, did you get what you wanted? A nice distraction from all those tiresome duties? Some common girl to pass the time with?"

"That's not–" He reached for you without thinking, stopping only when you took a deliberate step back.

"Not what?" Your voice was still soft, still controlled, but your eyes blazed. "Not what you intended? Then what did you intend, Jacaerys? When you sat in my shadows night after night, when you held my hand in the street, when you–" Your voice caught. "When you kissed me back?"

The sound of his full name on your lips made him feel like he was drowning. "I never meant to deceive you."

"No?" You were close enough now that he could see the slight tremor in your hands, still cradling his ring. "Then what did you mean to do? Slum with the common folk for a while? See how the other half lives?"

"I meant to see you," he said, the truth finally breaking free. "Just you. Only you."

You stilled, something flickering in your expression. "And now? Now that I know who you really are? Will you disappear back to your castle, back to your real life?"

"I don't want to."

"But you will." It wasn't a question. You held out the ring again, your fingers steady now. "Take it. Go back to where you belong."

He didn't move to take it. "What if I belong here?"

Your expression softened for just a moment before hardening again. "In the shadows? In lies? That's not belonging, my prince. That's hiding."

The title felt like a physical blow each time you used it. "Stop calling me that."

"Why?" You stepped closer, close enough that he could smell the familiar scent of stage powder and candlesmoke. "Isn't that what you are? What you've always been, even when you were pretending to be my..." You trailed off, swallowing hard. "What were you pretending to be, exactly? My friend? My suitor?"

"I wasn't pretending with you," he whispered. "Not about the things that mattered."

Your eyes met his, and for a moment he saw all the hurt and longing he felt reflected back at him. "Everything about you was a pretense," you said softly. "Even this moment, even now, you're still hiding under that hood."

Slowly, with trembling hands, he pushed back his hood, as if that could make the situation better. The torchlight caught the brown of his hair, the sharp velvet of his eyes that spoke of centuries of dynasty. He looked ethereal, otherworldly – and utterly miserable.

"Not everything," he said, "Not how I feel about you. Not the way I..." His voice cracked. "Not the way I dream about you when I should be focusing on state affairs."

You looked away, your jaw tight. "Pretty words from a silver tongue. Is that what they teach you in the castle, how to break hearts eloquently?"

"They taught me to be proper, and distant, and cold," he said, taking a step closer. "You taught me to laugh. To feel. To be human." His fingers brushed yours where they still held the ring, and you didn't pull away. "Please look at me."

When you did, your eyes were bright with unshed tears. "What do you want from me, Jacaerys? What could you possibly want that's worth all these lies?"

"Everything," he whispered. "Nothing. Just... just to stay. To keep watching you perform. To help you practice your lines. To..." He swallowed hard. "To be the person I am when I'm with you."

The admission struck him like a physical blow. "Please," he said, though he wasn't sure what he was begging for.

"Go home," you said softly, stepping back. "Go back to your castle, your duties, your real life. We both know you have to."

"And if I refuse?"

“We both know you won’t do that”

A bitter laugh escaped him. "You're right. Of course you're right." His fingers closed around the ring, the metal digging into his palm. "I've never refused anything in my life. The perfect, obedient prince."

You shook your head, he didn’t understand how – even when upset – you could look so gentle. “Go home, Jacaerys.”

"Don't," he whispered, catching your hand before you could pull it back completely. "Don't talk about us like we're already over."

"Aren't we?" Your fingers were trembling in his grip. "Tell me truly, my prince – what future did you imagine for us? Secret meetings in the shadows forever? Or did you think you could somehow present a common theater performer to your royal family as a suitable match?"

The title still felt like a blade between his ribs, but he couldn't deny the truth in your words. The silence stretched between you, heavy with everything he couldn't promise.

"That's what I thought," you said softly, gently extracting your hand from his. But your fingers lingered against his palm for a moment too long, betraying the steadiness of your voice. "It's not safe for a prince to be out so late."

Jacaerys looked like he might be sick, his face ashen in the torchlight. He swayed slightly where he stood, as if the weight of his title had suddenly become too heavy to bear. The ring in his palm seemed to mock him, its sapphire catching the light like a teardrop.

"I can't–" he started, his voice breaking. His free hand clenched and unclenched at his side, a nervous gesture you'd seen a hundred times before but never understood until now. "I don't want to leave like this."

"There's no good way to leave," you said, your voice gentle despite everything. You reached up, straightening his cloak with careful hands – one last touch, one final moment of tenderness. "Go home, Jacaerys. Before the guards notice you're missing."

He caught your wrist as you withdrew, not roughly but with a desperate urgency that made your heart ache. "Please," he whispered, though what he was begging for, neither of you knew. His eyes were fever-bright, almost wild, like a trapped animal seeking escape.

"You have to go," you murmured, carefully untangling yourself from his grip. You pressed the ring more firmly into his palm, closing his fingers around it. The touch of his skin against yours felt like a brand. "Your Grace."

The formal address seemed to physically pain him. He stumbled back a step, clutching the ring like a lifeline, looking so lost and young that for a moment you almost reached for him again. But you kept your hands at your sides, watching as he pulled his hood back up with shaking fingers.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, the words barely audible. "I'm so sorry."

You didn't respond, couldn't respond, as he turned and fled into the shadows of the theater. The sound of his footsteps faded away, leaving you alone with the guttering torches and the ghost of everything that could never be.

[tap here for part 2!]

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