#picking fights and junk
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spotaus · 1 month ago
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I feel like a fake fan rn (/j) I haven't watched the latest underverse upload 😔
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dany36 · 11 months ago
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oh my god "managarmr, sequestration primal II" is FUCKING FANTASTIC WHAT THE HELL lmao i remember the boss battle theme being so good but i was too busy trying to survive that insane-ass ice wolf's attacks that, now that i'm able to listen to it with headphones on...GEEZ!!!!! this is one of the best boss battle themes i've ever heard! if it wasn't for the fact that i need to get through the whole OST so i can pick out my favorites (currently on ruined city vallion battle and OOF another excellent one ahhhh that flute at the end with the brass!!!) i'd be looping the hell out of this song right now!!
also BLESS the people who upload a game's OST to youtube so i can rip them....the true MVPs
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stareaterau · 7 months ago
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Chapter 1 episode 5
← Previous episode
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Index
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(special thanks to @bucket-of-cheese for this episode cover art!, as well as @karkatwaddles @chip-the-dip @scrambledlikeeggs @kairamuwu with editing)
---
Our favourites cross paths
CW: threats made with a weapon, mentions of injuries
Read below↓
Or AO3
Time passes, though horribly slower in the desert heat.
Grian and Scar both spend their morning groggy and aching from the phantom fight the previous evening. Not to mention the little rest they were able to get during the relatively short night that this planet provides.
Now that they feel rested enough, Grian shoots up high above the canyon with a few strong beats of his wings. Scar watches him from the ground as he makes a few circles in the sky before he dives down back to join him. With a greater bearing on his surroundings, thanks to the high vantage point, Grian picks a direction that seems most prominent to head towards. He returns grumbling about how he could see something in the distance, but it looked like nothing more than a bunch of junk to him. Not much of the optimist it seems, but Scar prides himself on being able to make the most of any situation. He pats Grian's back, giving a small speech about how 'that a bunch of junk was better than nothing after all'. Grian blinks slowly, reluctantly agreeing. They have a destination now!
Grian consistently finds himself needing to catch up with Scar, occasionally mumbling about how the ground is too flat and something about bird feet. It’s obvious by how he’s fidgeting that he’d rather be flying, even though that option means either leaving Scar behind or carrying him there. And as much as Scar wants to ask, he’s also scared he might lose an eye as a result.
He leaves the slightly personal question unasked, the conversation instead being filled with Grian complaining about walking. He hesitates when their passage opens up to the blaring, exposed sun. Holding his hand up to shield himself from the harsh light, he scrunches his face, occasionally wincing when his hot metal limbs hit his skin with his heavy, tired steps.
Scar himself isn’t having much of a fun time either. The leg braces he uses aren’t meant to be put under a lot of strain for such a long time. It’s only a matter of time before they might snap. The grains of sand grating against them are probably hastening the unit's deterioration. He'll have to use Grian as support if they do break.. and go through the laborious task of requesting a new pair from the Vindicators.
Occasionally they have to take a break, with Scar trying to brush as much dust and sand from the joints of the braces, doing the most he can to slow down any decay it might have caused them. On the other hand, Grian uses the opportunity to rest, immediately slumping against the nearest wall and fanning himself with his tail.
Scar has long since taken off his jacket and tied it around his waist, relieved by the fact he'd been wearing a tank top underneath. The lack of sleeves feels like a world of difference in the heat, not that he wouldn't take it off completely if need be, despite his company. Every so often, he catches Grian's lingering looks when he thinks Scar isn't watching, his expression weirdly guarded and lost in thought. One time, when he notices he’s being examined, Scar flexes jokingly in response, receiving a roll of the eyes and quiet mutterings about indecency.
Despite how hot it is and how much his company seems to fidget and scratch at the uncomfortable feathers underneath, Grian seems insistent on keeping his layers on.
Finally, they reenter the shade, and the winged man groans, flinging around his stiff arms.
”What's wrong?” Scar turns around, watching as the strange man shakes out his feathers. Sand rains down as he does as if the sunlight has been caking him in the sand.
"I lost my helmet and, therefore, my visor. It sucks."
“Sucks how?"
"The light hurts my eyes." Grian rubs at his temples, scrunching his eyes closed.
Scar tilts his head in response, confused. It’s bright, not enough to be painful yet, but it’s clearly bothering Grian more somehow.
When he’s met with a lack of a retort, Grian glances up at Scar, quickly taking note of his confused expression. He rolls his eyes like he knows what Scar is thinking.
"I'm a glare," he says so simply, answering the unspoken question.
"Not… glare-leaning? Or an avian?" Scar, not so subtly, looks Grian up and down, the other tensing uncomfortably with a weird look to match.
"No."
"But…" Scar trails off, not quite being sure how to ask respectfully.
"I have wings?" Grian finishes for him, like he’s heard it all before. Tucking his wings behind his back on reflex, he takes in a deep breath, as if psyching himself up for a speech.
A series of looks flash across his face. Scar waits patiently, only for Grian to breathe out a quiet "Yeah," with no further elaboration.
"Glares can have wings?"
"This one can. It's complicated." Grian walks past Scar, losing eye contact deliberately as he strolls ahead. He doesn’t appear upset at least, bored is the closest to how Scar could describe it.
"But… How?" Scar asks cautiously, against his better judgment.
"Family curse from hitting a magical bird with a ship centuries ago." Grian holds his hands out, imitating piloting, before hitting his hands together with a metal clank. "BAM! Wings for all your firstborns."
"Wait, really?" Scar exclaims. Genuinely believing Grian’s story. He catches up to him with a quick jog, looking to the glare in an attempt to get a read of his face only to be met with a smirk. Oh.
"Nah-" Grian chuckles to himself, patting Scar on the shoulder.
Scar watches as he continues up ahead, looking at the feathered tail with a new perspective. A glare. That explains why his feathers look so real — they’re a feature all Glares possess to varying degrees – and his deep inky eyes that never seem to shrink, even in the harsh light. Maybe the wings are just artificial add-ons, but that doesn’t feel right — they’re far too realistic and fluid. He shakes the thought out of his head. It probably isn’t polite to dwell on it, the subject is obviously something Grian doesn’t want to talk about.
But no, Scar isn’t about to be done with this conversation completely.
"Prove you’re a glare, then."
Grian, who had walked slightly ahead, stops and turns around to give Scar an almost offended look before he shrugs, replacing it with an amused, yet tired one.
“Sure,” he says with a resigned sigh.
Without warning, everything in Scar’s sight goes dark, like an all-encompassing shadow out of nowhere, the murky nothingness only just reaching his toes. He sticks his hands out in front of him, looking at them as they become outlined by a dark void.
He knows what this is. Most glares possess this skill, it’s the baseline ability tied to their magic. ‘Darkness’ he thinks he remembers it being called. Scar has never experienced it first hand though, and he can’t help but ogle the slightly frightening power.
“Whoah-”
As quickly as it appeared, the gloom flees, leaving him with the less-than-friendly, hot reflective sands.
Grian looks at him curiously, his arms crossed.
“Okay, so believe me now?”
Scar smiles, nodding vigorously.
“That was sooo cool!!”
Grian very hesitantly smiles back, turning away before Scar can process it completely.
Despite his wary demeanour, he secretly revels in the reaction, not quite being able to help but grin to himself.
“Can you do illusion magic too?” Scar asks, making Grian's steps hesitate for just a second, the mood in the air changing quickly. His back is still facing Scar, but it doesn’t stop him from noticing the slight shudder in Grian’s shoulders, and the subtle flicks of his feathers.
“…No,” is all he says in slow response… too slowly.
Ah, so another sour subject, it feels like Scar is collecting them all. As much as he wants to pry, he feels like he has asked enough.
There’s a lapse in their conversation as Scar's eyes wander. They both continue walking, albeit slowly, probably due to Grian's obvious intent to savour the shade when passing through it.
"If the sun's bothering you that much, why don't you just do the darkness thing to yourself?" Scar inquires, filling the silence.
"That's not how it works. It's only a perception, I don't actually switch off the sun," Grian replies, his voice back with some light, the previous question forgotten.
"Oh."
"And trust me, oh how I want to switch off this sun." He holds his long claws up to the sky, imitating crushing the light that peeks from the shade touching the tips of his claws.
“I'll still get the painful headache even if I make everything dark for me.”
Scar glances down to his waist, where his own helmet has been clipped. He once again catches up to Grian, leg braces creaking slightly.
"… I could give you my helmet." He hands it to him.
Grian looks down at the poor thing with a gentle look on his face.
"It's got a huge crack in it, so it's pretty much useless. Sorry about that, by the way." He flicks a guilty look at Scar before settling back into stride ahead of him.
"I wouldn't call it useless-'' Scar looks down at it with a frown. He hopes he can repair it, it’s dear to him.
"Even if it wasn't, I would never put that thing on."
"What’s wrong with the cat ears?" Scar questions, a smile evident in his voice. He knows well that it isn’t his cute accessories that’s deterring Grian from putting the helmet on, he just thinks it’s amusing to indicate so.
He holds up the helmet up in front of Grian, closing one eye and envisioning him wearing it with a smirk.
Grian squawks out a laugh and pushes the helmet aside, "Hah. Ironically, I don’t have a problem with that, though I wouldn’t break the dress code just to put cat ears on a helmet."
"You know about the codes?"
"Sorta. I mean, I've unfortunately become very familiar with them – know your enemy or whatever."
"You really don't like vindicators, then," Scar says, with no malice in his voice. He’s more curious than anything.
"I feel like that much should be obvious."
Scar hops ahead of Grian, stepping slightly in front of him so that Grian has no choice but to look at him. "Well, I'm okay, right?" Scar smiles tilting his head.
He watches the bird’s gaze shift from the dust on Scar’s boots up to meet his eye, a brow raised.
And with a genuine smile and quiet laugh, Grian answers "Yeah, you're alright".
"Be careful they might be dangerous."
While navigating through a particularly maze-like part of the ravine. Grian had stopped abruptly, and grabbed Scar by the shirt mid-conversation, pulling him around a corner.
Scar attempted to ask what was wrong only for Grian to shush him, hissing about how he’d seen two figures deeper in.
Wiggling slightly out of Grian's hold, Scar popped his head around briefly, catching a glance at their new company.
There were, in fact, two figures who sat up against a stony wall as the passage opened up, connecting to another, larger passage. Scar and Grian had an advantage, as the corner shielded them from view. One figure had their back to them, their large silhouette obscuring the other figure from view. The only indication there was even two, being the distinct overlap of a conversation that could barely be heard from where Grian and Scar were hidden.
And that brings them to the present, with Scar tapping his chin, debating different ideas of how to approach them. Grian listens as he impatiently claws at the ground, grumbling at each suggestion that leaves the other's mouth.
There’s a quiet shift in the sand to Scar's side and he turns to watch as Grian shifts closer to him, his shoulders hunched slightly and wings puffed up.
Scar finds himself suppressing the urge to compare him to a pinecone.
"Why would they be dangerous?" Scar asks, tilting his head slightly. Confused about the other's comment.
Grian splutters, mouth working but not making noises aside from baffled squeaks before he eventually coughs.
"… I mean, I was a stranger a mere hours ago and I had a blade to your heart, dude." His voice pitches up at the end, causing him to flinch when it echoes slightly against the walls. He ducks as if that would stop the sound, scooting closer to Scar, further from the stranger's direction.
"….Well, you're not doing that right now." Scar smiles a wide grin, hushing his voice pointedly before shrugging.
Grian just stares at him, almost as if testing Scar’s smile, before he rolls his eyes and scoffs,
"… Can't argue with that logic."
Scar's smile grows slowly, bright and excited at Grian's agreement. He watches all of Grian's feathers stand up even more somehow, catching on to Scar's enthusiasm.
“Don't-”
"Glad you trust me!" Scar beams.
"I wouldn't go that far, trust is a strong word," Grian pulls a dubious look before grumbling and looking away. He shakes his shoulders as if trying to suppress the stress that’s putting him and his feathers on edge.
“I honestly don't think it's a good idea to even approach them– People are almost always bad news in these situations. We could just work our way around them…” he trails off mumbling to himself.
“But that's no fun!” Scar hums lightly, nudging the bird out of his strategizing. “Besides, they could help us!”
Grian doesn’t reply, just huffs with a scowl that squishes his face comically.
Scar absently scratches at his chin before he leans up against the wall pressing his forearm high above Grian, leaning over, the other doing a double take, clearly taken back by how much Scar is leaning over into his space. He'll have to put on his charm to try and convince the bird, his most effective tactic.
"You're nervous but I can assure you this, I can gain any advantage in a situation, just by talking" He gives him a cheesy lopsided grin.
"What- do you possess the ability to talk someone to death? Boredom? Into sleep, perhaps?" Grian replies in the most mocking and deadpan tone, meeting his energy.
"All of the above!!! Depending on the weather of course," He says, leaning in slightly with a whisper before bouncing back to that quietish tone of his, "and then I steal their stuff!!" Scar grins with more eagerness than Grian has seen in quite some time, causing the glare to let out a slight wheeze of laughter, raising an incredulous brow.
"Wow, you're really starting to sound more like a criminal." He veers his head to the side, grinning widely up at Scar, and bearing his sharp teeth.
Scar retracts his arm from the wall, an unsure look spoiling his smile. He can’t help darting his eyes to the side, almost taken aback by the former statement. "I mean … not if they're the bad guy, right?"
“That's a very rudimentary way of thinking.” Grian's grin falters slightly, that cold look flickering over him briefly, as his eyes narrow. He shakes away whatever thought he had, bringing the prior conversation back.
“Fine, you do you're talking thing then,” the bird swats at the air absently.
“And you'll be my hype man?” Scar bounces on his toes excitedly.
Grian gives too blank of an expression before pushing up his shoulders. “I'll do something,”
“AHA! Be amazed, small friend! At my infectious likeableness,” Scar stands up straighter and puffs out his chest, before moving to turn around the corner between them and the strangers only for sharp claws to gently grab his arm.
“Wait-”
“Oh oh! W-what?” Scar looks around shocked, but nothing is amiss, just the surprisingly warm touch of metal talons.
“You're intending to make a good impression, right?”
Scar splutters awkwardly as Grian doesn’t give him time to answer the obvious question.
“My advice? I'd hide that you're a Vindicator."
“…why?”
“Ah–” Grian awkwardly chuckles, retracting his grip and scratching at his head. “I thought I’d already established that the general public isn't too fond–” he loosely gestures Scar up and down.
Scar raises a brow, leaning on his hip and looking down at the bird. “Really? Are you the general public?” He smirks at his own witty remark.
“Just take my word for it, this definitely isn't Spawn, and I bet you haven't even travelled off planet before. You have that sparkly dumb innocent look in your eyes–”
Scar gasps and clutches his hand to his chest in false offence.
“I’m just saying, if you wanna do the whole friendly talking thing, I'd recommend not immediately making it known that you're a Vindicator.” Grian huffs.
Scar looks down dumbly at the bright blue jacket tied around his waist. Grian follows his line of sight and muffles a laugh, noticing Scar's mild panic at the glaring obvious beacon of his faction, taunting him along with a bright stitched ‘V’ clearly visible even with it tied at his waist.
“Just– turn it inside out or something–”
“Oh! Smart!” Scar claps his hands, wincing as the noise echoed against the walls. Grian glares at him.
He fumbles with the jacket, taking it off and turning it inside out before tying it back around his waist, and nodding with satisfaction. He looks back towards Grian, the glare watching him slightly amused. “Now, Bird friend, watch as I charm these members of the ‘general public’ with my insatiable charisma!”
“… You already said that. There's only so much ‘impressed’ I can hand out, I'm afraid.”
Scar ignores him as he brushes off as much dust as he can to look somewhat presentable. He leans forward with a step but stops as quickly as he started when his company doesn't make a move with him.
“You're not… coming with??”
“I am, I just want to linger back, for safety reasons– you know?” Grian still stands with his arms crossed but his face has morphed into something far more neutral, clawed feet firmly digging into their place in the sand.
“Oh! Smart!” Scar replies. He continues, but not before catching the faint flicker of a smile from his companion.
Scar confidently marches towards the strangers, too distracted by his plan to notice the quiet whoosh of feathers behind him.
“Why, hello there!”
“EEEEK!”
“OH MY GOSH–” both of the strangers scream at Scar, frantically scrambling back in the sand up to a stand.
The shorter one gawks at Scar, their left arm held stiffly as their right tugs on the other's sleeve pulling them both back further. They push themselves in front in an act that almost could have been intimidating if the other wasn't practically two times their size.
Now, up close, Scar takes the two in. The shorter one appears to be a blazeborn, fuzzy and yellow with clothes that looked like they weren't originally suited for the heat, evident by the thick winter coat tied around their waist, mirroring Scar’s, and the torn-off sleeves of their shirt. The other stands several heads taller, also strangely cradling their right arm. They’re far less identifiable, but the several neat feathers that frame their face and shoulders definitely imply that they’re probably at least glare adjacent, even with their height. They’re wearing what can be described as cowboy attire, sans a hat, and look far more in place in this setting.
“Oh, you're just a guy…” the taller one eventually speaks out after their initial panic.
“Yup, just a guy!” Scar stands up straighter, suppressing a wince as his leg braces squeak obnoxiously. “Sorry to cause a fright,” he smiles apologetically.
The two of them glance at each other, then back to Scar with bewildered expressions.
“I think I might be lost! And maybe you are too? We were wondering if you could help”.
“We?” One of them asks.
“OH! Well! I'm Scar and this here is my lackey.” He turns to look for Grian only to be met with the empty, dusty ground and no bird in sight.
“They're …not here?”
“Who-” Scar hears one of them ask. He doesn’t even have time to turn to identify who before a flurry of feathers swoops down and blocks his view.
The two figures scream for a second time as the taller one is pushed roughly aside by brown wings, falling clumsy in the sand and landing in a way that causes them to choke out a yelp.
“OW OW OW, I CAN'T SEE!” They sit up quickly with one arm hanging loosely over their chest, the other grasping and rubbing at their face and eyes in confusion. They continue to yell in panic, “WHAT HAPPENED I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING-”
“Drop whatever weapons you have,” Grian turns, holding the blaze in his grasp. He holds his wings wrapped around them, keeping their arms pinned. He uses one of his clawed hands to cover their mouth, the other holding a blue, glowing blade to their neck.
“What- what happened to the talking plan?” Scar sways on his feet. Too much is happening in such a brief moment, and all his plans for conversations are useless, blown to the wind.
“Too slow,” Grian replies bluntly.
The figure in Grian’s grasp desperately tries to muster out a muffled scream against Grian's hand, only causing the bird to tighten his hold and sword to their neck.
Scar feels lost. He looks to the other who is still on the ground, using one hand to touch the sand.
“I can't see!- It's all dark- Tango?!-”
The pure distress in their voices, mixed with the muffled yelping of the other, makes Scar falter, his mind short-circuiting in the chaos. He weirdly feels scared, that same fear of Grian and his cold look is all too familiar to barely a day ago. A fear that he apparently didn't realise still has a frightful hold on him, his shoulder pulsing passively with pain on cue with the memory.
Despite the fear, he can’t help but step forward, reaching out to diffuse the situation.
Strangely enough, Grian flinches back. He stares up at Scar like he had completely forgotten he was there, his confused look immediately being chased away as the trapped stranger shifts in his hold. His expression quickly returning to an unreadable one.
“Let them talk… maybe? Please?” Scar asks slowly. Grian looks up at him with those deep dark eyes, cold and empty before a nearly embarrassed look crosses his face. He lowers the hand that had held the stranger's mouth, but the blade, however, is still pinned to their throat.
Immediately the blaze gasps and begins yelling “Please we're injured, we mean no harm- please-”
“…. Huh,” Grian squeezes tighter subconsciously, as they kick in his grasp.
“Our arms- OW! QUIT IT- LET GO!”
They shove against Grian, his grip loosening just enough for them to push out as he moves his blade. All of a sudden the bird looks incredibly guilty.
“What the hell man!” The shorter man scrambles to their partner's side, leaning down and giving them their arm to grab onto. They keep their eyes on Grian, scowling as the other weakly uses their hold to stand up.
In an almost too cheery voice for the situation, the taller one speaks, “I can see again! What was that?”
Their gaze immediately lands on Grian, who tenses under it.
“You’re a bird?” They mutter dumbly after rubbing their eyes and squinting at him.
Grian steps back, still holding his weapon by his side. He gives the tall man a look up and down his expression twisting into something uncomfortable.
“Not one of yours,” he mumbles back.
“Sorry, sorry?” the taller coughs, completely confused, but Grian ignores them.
“You're hurt, both of you?” Grian hums, pointing the end of his sword in their direction as he makes a move to stand by Scar's side, who stands, silently wringing his hands, considering his next steps.
They both nod, fear and anger plain on their faces, each holding an arm tightly to their chests.
A quiet sort of relief washes over Grian as he puts away his sword. His expression morphing into amusement, with a tinge of sheepishness.
“Wow, that's inconvenient! You don't pose much of a threat then, huh?” He tries to joke and smile, the expression faulting only when their company makes no indication of finding that comment funny, at all.
Scar shifts awkwardly to his side, considering many different options on what to do next moves through his head before he steps in front of Grian, a goofy grin being plastered across his lips.
“So… maybe we should start over?”
“You think?” The blaze spits, their shimmering flame-like hair sparking in reaction.
“We were only taking precautions, there are dangerous people in this big universe, you know!” Scar tries to lessen the anger with that same cheesy grin.
“I'd argue, you're one of them! Or at least they are,” They point towards the bird, who does nothing but look away, crossing his arms.
“Just a common misunderstanding, we apologise. Let me reintroduce myself-” Scar tries to step forward with a handshake, but both of them move away from him pointedly. Instead, he retreats to Grian’s side, putting his hands up defensively, giving them more space to feel safe.
“Well, I'm Scar! Like I- already mentioned-” he nervously chuckles the last bit, then gestures to the glare. “-and this is Grian”
“Ah, so we're giving them our names- cool,” the other grumbles, his back practically turned to them, appearing like he’s given up on the exchange.
A tense atmosphere falls heavily on the four as awkward silence fills the air. Scar's eyes glance to the taller of the duo, who meets his gaze with a similar, nervous expression, unlike the blazeborn who stands next to them, festering with an anger that seems to almost crackle off of them in flames.
The tall one eventually finds the courage to speak, unsure and hesitant, without the anger and murderous look that their companion seems to have.
"Well, I'm Jimmy! And this is Tango!" Jimmy speaks with a similar cheer and charisma to Scar.
"Yup," the blaze, Tango, snaps with a slight snarl on his lips. His injured arm tightly held against his body, crossing over his chest as he stares daggers in the direction of Scar and Grian. There’s another pause of quiet that only causes the air to grow more uneasy, so thick with awkwardness that it can be cut with a knife. Tango and Grian stand their ground while Jimmy begins to kick at the sand absent-mindedly and an awkward cough escapes from Scar.
The former can't help but wring his hands once again, standing unsure in the moment before he decides to speak once again, "You seem tense,"
"YOU THINK?" Tango barks out, that snarl only growing angrier as he drops his hand to his side and balls it into raging fists.
Jimmy quickly tries to hop to some sort of defence, "We haven't seen anybody yet- we didn't really expect anyone to-" he’s cut off by Tango's eyes whipping over to look at him, the blazeborn pointing a finger to his neck,
"A KNIFE. TO MY THROAT." He speaks loud and clear making it obvious, if anyone can't tell, why he’s angry.
At that, Grian turns to the conversation, his tail flicking behind him. “Ah- Well, I didn't break your skin and, you know, I apologised.”
“Actually, you haven’t-” Jimmy points out, frowning.
“Oh… sorry?” Grian shrugs.
“I already dislike you-”
He ignores Jimmy turning to Scar with a neutral expression, “Right, Scar, ready to go?“
“What?”
“YOU'RE GOING TO JUST LEAVE US?” Jimmy shouts whilst Tango just looks unsurprised.
“Well, you're both injured so-” Grian says nonchalantly, not bothering to finish his sentence like it’s obvious.
“THAT'S CRIMINAL-” Jimmy squawkes.
Grian doesn’t reply, instead, lightly reaching for Scar, a weird sort of hesitance to his grasp, looking as if he’s going to grab Scar's arm, only to move to pull at his shirt. Scar doesn't move.
“We could- help them?”
Grian looks at him with a troubled look but doesn't say anything in response.
“You know?” He, in fact, makes no indication of knowing. “We have medical supplies, remember?”
Tango's eyebrow shoots up, his angry scowl morphing into intrigue. “Healing?”
“SCAR- Cool now they know our names and our resources-” the bird grumbles, Eying the two with a cold glare. He crunches up his nose, then looks back to Scar. “We're not giving them anything for free.”
“…Well I mean, we could always offer a trade.” Scar tries to smile, trying his best to appeal to Grian with a warm grin.
Grian takes in a deep breath, contemplating for a couple of seconds before he points at the strangers and clicks his tongue. “What do you two have to offer?”
“Do you have an ender chest?” Scar pipes in quickly.
“…No.”
“We don't really have anything-”
Grian hums in acknowledgement then smirks at Scar. “There you go, shall we leave then-”
Tango interrupts quickly as the winged man once again tries to pull Scar away. “We have some knowledge! You said you’re lost! I know some things to help! About this game-”
“Game?” Scar repeats.
“No thank you-” Grian now switches from pulling at Scar to pushing him.
“But aren't you curious? We have theories!”
“All good, we have our own plans, thank you.” He huffs in an effort to try and move Scar, but for once Scar has an advantage over him in height and strength. He barely moves.
“Okay! Deal!” Scar finally replies.
“SCAR!” Grian stops pushing Scar, instead staring at him like an angry feathered hedgehog. It takes all of Scar’s willpower not to laugh at him.
“We'll only tell you anything once you heal us,” Tango adds.
“Hah! As if that wasn't already a bad deal-” Grian mumbles mostly to himself.
“-What about during?”
“Okay, during.” Tango agrees to Scar.
Grian finally acknowledges the blaze, as he holds a hand to his chest and baps at Scar with the other. He scowles between them all. “Hey, hey. I'm the one with the supplies, you should be negotiating with me-”
He cuts himself off at the look Scar gives him. His lips press into a tight frown as he crosses his arms and taps his claws, the processing of his thoughts buried deep in his brow.
Scar tilts his head at him slightly.
“Ugh fine,” Grian finally relents, before huffing off to the side and making an upset display of sitting down and disrupting the dusty sand with a flap of his wings, the others coughing slightly.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Take a seat. Let me heal your stupid bones,” he finally spits when the others don’t make any motion, prompting the pair to finally move.
“Oh, it's really rich of you to think I'd let you get anywhere near to my arm again-” Tango replies, unamused.
“Well you're going to just have to deal with it,” Grian replies to Tango with a sardonic grin, “These are my supplies and I'd like to keep some autonomy in this situation.”
“If it makes you feel any better he healed me pretty well,” Scar chimes in, pulling his tank top aside, to show off the slightly bloody gauze. Tango scrutinises the wound, hissing sympathetically, looking towards Grian who’s trying and failing to look not guilty.
“… I suppose.” Jimmy hums, next to Tango.
Both he and Tango awkwardly shuffle towards the winged man, within arms reach of each other, they sit down in unison, Tango’s tail hooking onto Jimmy's ankle.
“You! Beanpole! Give me your arm” Grian moves closer, sitting up on his knees.
“Me?” Jimmy replies confused.
“Yes you, I don't see any actual bean poles around here do you? I'm talking to your daft mug.”
“You don't have to insult me so much, man-” Jimmy grumbles as he complies, as Grian makes a start on assessing his injuries.
There’s a couple of minutes of uncomfortable quiet, occasionally interrupted by grumbles and yelps. Scar stands, watching his company. He looks towards Tango, who it keeping a calculated watch on what Grian is doing.
“You didn't expect to be here…” Scar slowly sits in front of Tango. His eyes bright with intrigue.
Tango just turns to look at him confused. “What?”
“Those clothes-” Scar points at the thick coat, cushioning the blaze as he sits crossed-legged.
“Oh! OH, that's actually pretty intuitive.” He smiles at Scar and scoots closer indicating for him to listen.
“Yeah I'm not from here, I was working on a pretty cold planet, before …uh.”
“Waking up with no memories of how you got here?” Scar finishes, beaming.
Tango leans back, his grin faltering slightly. “…Yeah.”
“How'd you know that!?” Jimmy asks from behind them, apparently having been listening in.
“We're the same! Actually! We don't remember at all how we got here.”
“Even him?” Tango gestures coldly over his shoulders, not even looking in Grian's direction.
“Even him!”
“Interesting,” Tango appears to drift into his thoughts before Grian coughs loudly.
“Alright then, if you want me to do this, well, you better start to tell your story.”
Tango shoots him an angry look, then dusts off his trousers before sitting up straight, getting comfortable. He looks at Scar, coughs, and smiles.
“Well, first you gotta know some of my history.”
Scar watches Grian roll his eyes from over Tango's shoulder.
“I worked as… hmmm sorta freelance. I'm an architect, redstoner- weird lil’ guy with a nac for bizarre contraptions. I take all and any kind of jobs I can find across the universe, a travelling mechanic if you will,” Tango grins, pleased. “I'm actually- saving up so I can own a hermit settlement, start a small self-sustaining industry, build all kinds of wacky farms! Just work for me, you know?”
He pauses, waiting for a response only to be met with puzzled looks.
“Uhhh that's beside the point. What I’m getting at is that owning the land to make a hermit settlement is a lot of money and prep. And as it goes, the jobs that pay the most tend to be the most…. questionable. I like to believe I'm a good judge of character when it comes to my clients, I know when the people who are giving me a tempting offer are bad news, and I usually decline. I'm not about putting myself in trouble for a pretty price.”
Tango inhales, his thumb worrying over his knuckle, and continues.
“But there was this one job- These very mysterious individuals offered me a job to create a game! It honestly was a very tempting offer, because they were giving me so much free range with what I built. The only requirement was that any number of people could enter the game and there could only be one winner. And they offered me a lot of money for it.”
Scar clocks Grian making a small sneer.
“So I took it, I took the deal and started designing my game. I uhhh- I sort of made, think like… dungeon crawler type deal.”
“Wait but you said you didn't make dungeons,” Jimmy interrupts.
“Going to be honest, I didn't expect you to hit that nail on the head.” Tango turns to Jimmy, giving him a small smile, before patting him gently on his shoulder. “Pretty impressive.”
Jimmy splutters, his expressions flip flopping between being offended and proud.
“Anyway… as I was saying, the more I worked for them, the more I started to suspect a few things. They kept insisting on things in my design to be more…”
He swirled his hand around “Let's say lethal. And that was before I started noticing how much resources and wealth my employer owned. They kept giving me things with ease, I started even asking for stuff I knew was hard to find like enchantments and whatnot. And they didn't even sweat.”
He cuts himself off, a conflicted look shadowing his face.
“When I put my energy into a project, I put my whole heart in. This dungeon was my… my child! I’d been working on it for months! Almost years! I didn't like how they were twisting it. They kept taking away the things I included to make the game fair. And that was my last straw.”
“I ran, and I tried to take all the important endgame design prints with me. I couldn't let them use my work to hurt people in the gruesome ways that they so clearly wanted to do. And now I'm here.”
“…Oh, that's rough,” Scar replies.
Nodding Tango stares down at his lap, rubbing at the worn pads of his hands. He looks genuinely sad for a minute before he shakes that look away and carries on.
“Yeah, so what I'm saying is- I got to see enough of the kind of work these people were doing to notice a pattern.”
“The people I worked for were definitely Enders, and I believe they're probably pretty high up considering rather than taking planets and trading pearls, they were employing people to take their enemies and put them into ‘games' for their entertainment.”
“And I think we're in one of those games right now,”
Tango grins wildly, holding a finger up to emphasise his conclusion.
“WHOA, what really?”
“Ugh,” Grian grumbles.
“And if my assumption is correct, I think we've all wronged an Ender before, right?”
He shuffles so that all four of them were sat in a circle.
“I mean- me! Clearly, with leaving the job.” He points to himself and then to Jimmy. “You said something about Enders secretly operating in the town you were sheriffing.”
Grian’s gloomy expression immediately gets replaced with intrigue as he looks up from his lap for the first time during the conversation with Jimmy.
“You're a sheriff?” Scar asks.
“YES, I am for a matter of fact, from a small town on the Nether.” Jimmy smiles widely, adjusting his hair confidently.
“Now that's surprising…” Grian remarks to himself.
Jimmy either doesn't hear or ignores him as he continues. “Well it's more a self-proclaimed title, not much goes on in my town and I mostly just… give directions to the elderly and get bullied by local kids,”
“Nevermind.”
Jimmy shoots Grian a dirty look, the latter smirking back before he goes back to working on the supplies in his lap.
“But yes! Recently I tried to uncover a mystery and encountered Enders,”
“And that's the last thing you remember doing right?” Tango inquires.
“… Yeah, actually.”
He looks towards Scar “And you… what about you?”
“Oh.”
Everyone looks at Scar with intrigue. Grian has his head dipped down still, his gaze, though, points, staring straight at him.
Ah, right, not-a-Vindicator time.
“Well, I'm a mayor, as a matter of fact.”
Everyone looks at him like it was the last thing they expected him to say, including Grian.
Scar coughs, chasing off the nervous wobble in his voice and he sits up straight ready to prove his charm.
“For a pretty unknown-” Scar awkwardly trails off, not really familiar enough with space life for his own lie. “…hermit settlement! A beloved staple of the community, birds and children sing when I roam the streets.”
The others look at him speechless, he can feel them doubting him. Alright then, maybe he should learn to be more believable.
“The last thing I remember doing, actually, was chasing a criminal down an alley!” He settles on. He sees Grian go still. “It was epic and had glorious explosions and everything, a truly action-filled adventure-”
He stops when he feels Grian subtly thump him with his tail. Hiding the movement by sitting up, done with dressing Jimmy's wounds and moving on to Tango.
Tango ignores him, too interested in Scar’s story. “Was this criminal an Ender by chance?”
“Oh! Yes!” He very almost forgot that was what Tango was asking to begin with.
Tango sits up straighter with a look of triumph and excitement on his face.“That makes three out of four.”
“…Not a chance,” Grian says coldly.
Tango finally turns to him, Grian looking up whilst sorting out the supplies he has left.
“What?”
“I'm not telling you my story like we're all sat around a campfire-”
“We're trying to help, isn't that what you asked for?” Tango argues.
“This isn't helpful information, it's just a lot of assumptions and guesses.”
“Calculated guesses! And besides, what else could you possibly know about what's going on? Enlighten me,” Tango challenges him.
“I don't… but I also don't see how knowing all this even helps us in our current situation.”
Grian leans back from where he had been hunched over, closes his eyes, and flings his hand around in an almost smug way. “Yada yada, scary rich people put a bunch of losers into a death game. That doesn't help me whilst we're supposedly in one.”
“You find yourself in a lot of death games then?” Tango grins bitterly.
“I- '' Somehow that waveres Grian’s response briefly, he clears his throat before resuming. “I like information that helps. This doesn't- this doesn't fix a broken arm or get us any closer to escaping.”
“Well maybe it can- we can go ahead knowing that there's probably traps or trials set for us.” Scar says. The two look at Jimmy and Scar who had been quietly observing their conversation.
“Like the beeping!” Jimmy responds.
“Yeah-”
“OH, THE PHANTOMS!” Scar exclaims.
“Phantoms?”
Scar wiggles in the dust with delight. “Yeah! We encountered phantoms on our journey, which is a pretty odd place to find them,”
“Stole my helmet,” Grian grumbles, less happy.
“Yeah… they were definitely placed here intentionally, we almost got killed by them!” Scar exclaims. He sits up straighter and puffs out his chest. “But I fought them off valiantly.”
Tango and Jimmy share a doubtful look.
“And what about you two- did you guys encounter anything strange?” Scar claps his hands together, intrigued.
Grian rests on his arm and gestures loosely to them. “Strange enough to break both your arms?”
At that both Jimmy and Tango look at each other, coming to a realisation that makes them both grin wildly at each other.
“OH and THAT'S another thing,” Jimmy says far too gleefully.
“The game makers must have included this other mechanic to make it difficult for us!” Tango injects, matching his energy. He and Jimmy talk in slightly hushed yet excited voices to one another, Tango playfully pushing at Jimmy and whispering something about how it all made sense now.
Scar and Grian just blink blankly, clearly missing something. When neither of the two gives them context, instead excitedly making noises at each other over a discovery, Scar coughs.
“What mechanic?” He leans closer, curiously.
“We are linked! Somehow!” Jimmy exclaims loudly.
“It's probably a curse and enchantment related. But we feel and suffer the same wounds, hence… broken arms'' Tango adds.
“So you both broke your arm?” Scar hums still confused.
“No no just Jimmy, he fell.”
“Gracefully!” Jimmy interrupts with too much enthusiasm.
“Gracefully… from the top of the ravine. I was just walking nearby and received the injury too,” Tango sits back a little and loosely holds up his injured arm.
Scar hums to himself, gaze jumping between his company and their injuries. “So it's a proximity thing?”
Tango sits up fast with a gasp of excitement. “That's a good point! I don't know.”
He leans forward cautiously, still holding his bad arm to his chest as he beckons Scar to come closer.
Both Jimmy and Grian look at each other confused before Tango flicks Scar hard on the nose. Causing him to make a startled yelp noise.
With how they lean over, neither manages to notice as Grian also flinches, hand briefly touching his own nose, before he notices Jimmy watching him and stops.
“Nope didn't feel that,” Tango says, veering back to his previously comfortable position.
Scar reclines back too, leg braces creaking slightly as he rubs his nose and makes a small sad noise.
“Did you?” Tango turns to Jimmy who’s looking weirdly at Grian.
Tango nudges him, the taller shaking out of whatever thought he was having.
“Oh- no I didn't.”
He looks back to Grian who’s in the process of not so subtly shifting further from the others.
“Maybe… Are you two together?” Jimmy prompts, pinning Grian specifically with a look.
Obliviously, Scar says, “We just met,” still holding his nose.
“No, he meant the weird pain link thing,” Tango responds with a slight laugh.
“Oh!! Hold on-” Scar excitedly lifts his head up, his sore nose quickly forgotten. He turns to Grian who had been trying his best to not be noticed the whole exchange.
Moving too fast and suddenly, Scar goes to pinch his arm, only to hit his hand against metal. The realisation hits him dumbly, but not before he watches Grian cry out and pull back fearfully with an expression Scar doesn’t think he's ever seen on the man's face before.
Grian regains his composure quicker than Scar. He shakes off the scared look on his face but keeps his arms held close to his chest protectively.
Scar goes to apologise but Grian's voice interprets him. His attention directed away from Scar.
“No, we're not linked.”
Tango shrugs, titling his head at Jimmy and smiling.
“Well, maybe it's a thing specific to us,”
Jimmy pulls a slightly unconvinced face before agreeing. “Yeah probably.”
Grian finishes patching up Tango, ignoring the three as they descend into rambles and theories about it all.
He packs away his remaining supplies, looking pleased with his two patients' bandaged and slung arms, even as they pay him no mind.
He stands up, Scar is the first to look at him with a questioning expression.
“Welp! Considering I'm done… and you've given your less-than-useful information, I think it's our time to leave,” Grian brushes the dust off his trousers and holds out a hand for Scar.
“Scar?”
Scar doesn't move, he looks at the others and back to Grian, a guilty look on his face. “I actually think we should all stick together–”
Grian doesn't respond, instead pulling his hand away slowly. Scar continues.
“There’s clearly something much bigger going on here and I think teaming up is a safer option,”
The bird remains silent, his feathers betraying his blank face as they all pin. He blinks at Scar.
“I agree,” Jimmy speaks up awkwardly after a prolonged quiet.
Tango grins. “You're more than free to go off on your own,” he says snidely.
“Ah, well…” Scar splutters, standing up and holding his hands out, that's not what he meant at all, but Grian beats him to a response.
“No.”
“Wow… what a change of heart, you're scared of being alone?” Tango teases.
Grian pays no mind to the comments, his hurt look settling on Scar instead.
“Scar please, I can protect us both we don't need…” he loses his confidence, the end of his sentence teetering off.
Scar lets his arms hang at his side, as he looks at Tango and Jimmy, still sitting by each other's side. Now with both their arms in slings and, despite Tango's intimating expression, looking slightly pathetic in the hot sun.
“… they're hurting, Grian, I need to help,” he gives Grian a pleading look.
The glare stares at Scar, he seems to take in all of him, annoyed and confused. When suddenly, a brief flicker of understanding fills his features.
“… Grian?” Grian doesn’t look at him, instead, he stares at the dust to his side. Tail flicking at his side in frustration.
“I'm not leaving you,” he says simply. Refusing to elaborate.
A small part of Scar is surprised by Grian's response, his weird protectiveness over Scar, especially in context to how he’d acted towards the others. Scar can’t help but smile softly, even if Grian isn’t looking at him.
“So you'll agree to be a group?”
The bird turns to him with a hard look on his face, a disruption on his tongue before he cuts himself off, face flushing red when he realises Scar is smiling at him with a completely different energy. He bows his head slightly. “I'm staying with you, but I do not trust them.”
Scar sits down, explaining their travel plan, which honestly wasn't much since all they had done was travel in the direction of supposed man-made structures that had been spotted, hoping to not die in the process.
Grian positions himself slightly behind Scar as they all start laying out all their possessions. Comparing their resources with each other.
Out of everyone, Jimmy still has the most on him, carrying one container of water, which he apparently had forgotten about, he lets Grian and Scar take a swig, Tango insisting he doesn’t need it as much with being a blaze. They also have Grian's healing supplies, which at this point aren't very much, just a few alcohol wipes and gauze. Then also some dried meat Jimmy had and one package of dried cat treats that Scar had been carrying, and no one seems stoked about potentially eating.
Besides that, all they have is some random useless items in people’s pockets, all laid out in front of them. Anxious, taking in the unfortunate sight of what they have to survive on. Scar sits on his knees, ignoring how the braces creak as he leans on them.
Tango is watching Grian closely, mumbling under his voice like he’s trying to get Grian's attention, but the latter knows and deliberately ignores him.
Tango finally clears his throat and speaks up, tapping the sand in front of Grian to ensure he has his attention. “You have your weapon with you,” he says like it isn’t a question.
“Yes.” Grian doesn’t look at him, instead rewrapping a rope they had found in one of Jimmy's pockets. The rope rings slightly against his metal digits as he pulls the thread between them.
“So we all have our comms, storage, and defensive tools missing except for you,” Tango states snarkily.
“Well, I also have my comms and other stuff missing. Guess they accidentally skipped out on the knife.”
“How convenient for you,”
Grian deliberately disregards Tango's biting word, looking up at the other two. “We might have enough for a day or two more of travel? Could even hunt along the way… if there are even any animals.”
“The knife will be handy then.” Scar tries, looking at Tango with a cheery smile.
“Could also… maybe… find plants?” Jimmy says, They all look around at the dry, sandy landscape, only occupied by the occasional dead shrub, with dismay.
“How much collective knowledge do we have with foraging?”
“I used to be a baker!” Scar interjects excitedly.
“Cool!- But I don't see any flour or water, don't know how that's going to help us in this situation, bud,” Grian pats Scar on the back.
“Unless you are secretly an enderian and can just … teleport bread to us or something,” Tango adds jokingly.
“I'm not-”
“Are you?” Grian cuts in, the others realising quickly that he’s addressing Jimmy with a weird look.
Jimmy looks up confused, apparently not paying attention to where the conversation had drifted. “What?”
“You’re very tall… thought maybe-”
“Oh no, I'm a glare!” he replies.
Grian goes strangely still, that cold look filling his face. He looks like he wants to say something, but chooses against it, going back to meaninglessly fiddling with a rope.
“Well, it would have been super convenient to be an enderian with y’know …the lack of water,” Tango hums next to Jimmy.
“It might rain!” Jimmy notes gleefully.
“Rain? Here?”
“I mean maybe? These kinds of canyons get formed by water, so there's a real chance a flash flood might happen!” At the last statement, he looks nervous. ”Which depending on where we are, could help us or … be bad.”
“How do you know that?” Tango looks up at Jimmy with a gleam of curiosity.
“Well I get bored, and there's this neat little library in the Nether with a lot of unique landscapes and… “
Jimmy and Tango titter off into their own conversation about various formations of rocks and caverns in desert-like terrain. Scar's mind drifts aside as he watches billows of sand blow above them on the top of the ravine. He catches movement out the sides of his eye as Grian shifts.
The sun has moved more in the sky, the shade they had hidden in changing direction. The hot sun finally reaching them, first hitting the feathers on the Grian tail. He must have just noticed as he pushes himself away from it, a scowl on his face while he creeps away and bumps into Scar in the process.
They look up at each other, Grian jumping slightly when he notices he’s being watched, his ears pulling back as he looks away.
“We should get going. You guys rested enough?” He cuts the other two off, Tango drawing in the sand with his claws with Jimmy instructing him.
“Oh sure-” Jimmy replies. He stands, using his large tail to help push him up, before lending a hand to Tango.
Grian stumbles up into a stand on the sandy ground, hissing to himself and mumbling something along the lines of “dumb bird feet”. He looks at Scar who changed to sit with his legs in front of him, inspecting his leg braces and sighing.
“Those aren't meant for the desert, are they?” He holds out a hand which Scar takes, pulling himself to stand.
“Nope! Not really, more like indoor use.”
Grian frowns, opening his mouth to say something, but Tango cuts him off.
“Actually…” The blaze moves towards them, holding a hand behind his back, a snarky look crossing his face.
His gaze is glued directly on Grian as he pulls his uninjured hand out, holding it towards them. Grian's hands are still in Scar’s, he feels Grian's grip tighten subconsciously before he pulls his hand away in favour of crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Tango.
“You want this temporary alliance to go well right?”
“I mean… it would be convenient,” Grian frowns, confused about where Tango is going with this.
“Give me your knife,” Tango flicks his claws beckoning.
“… What?”
“I feel like it's very justified.”
“I'm not giving you my weapon,” Grian snaps, his hand moving to his side subconsciously.
Tango pulls his arm back, crossing it over with the other. “I still don't trust you, our minds would be more at ease if you didn't have that.” He looks up to Jimmy who’s looking over his shoulder, nodding slightly.
Scar looks at Grian whose back is turned to him, but regardless he can see the anger physically welling up, as his feathers stand up and his tail starts to flick back and forth. His claws hovering right above where the blade sits, ready.
“HAH, what do you think I care, there is no way I'd give it to you.” Grian spits.
Scar hears him take in a deep breath, sensing the start of something terrible happening. He takes a slightly stumbling step between them.
“I could take it,” Scar says simply. Both of them look up at him.
“I mean- you both seem to trust me more, so maybe I could carry it for now?” Scar tries, putting on his most easygoing smile. Tango's frown softens slightly, but that isn't who Scar is worried about most. The bird is now looking at him, a lot less spiked up with his mouth slightly open, his eyes searching Scar for something. He looks back to Tango, who just nods to Scar.
“Fine.”
Almost everyone lets out a breath of relief.
Grian pulls out his weapon, quickly, and grins to himself as he watches Jimmy and Tango flinch.
He hands it to Scar and gives him a weird look only he can see before his face morphs into a generally upset pout. Striding past them all, he barks “Follow,” and doesn't wait for them to catch up.
Scar looks at the weapon in his hands, remembering its hold before wedging it into his belt.
They continue with their walking, Grian at the front out of frustration over the loss of his weapons. Tango's prying eyes watch him from behind, insisting on being on the lookout for any funny behaviour.
The mood is off. Tango and Grian holding their weird rivalry and Jimmy and Scar lagging behind, looking at each other confused but not quite wanting to start small talk out of fear of getting on the other two nerves. They both opt instead to stare at the ground and savour as much of the shade as they can.
Tango is the first to break the silence.
“I don't think I trust you.”
He has his head facing forward, the anger in his voice enough to indicate he’s talking to Grian.
“I bet you’re one of them.”
“Them?” Grian almost laughs.
“Explains why you have your weapon and not us, why you're so reluctant to share why you might be here. And don't even think I forgot about your oh-so-welcoming greeting,” Tango responds with no amusement in his voice.
“What is your problem with me?”
“I think you're an Ender, a man from the inside sent down to watch us.” He says simply, pushing up his shoulders.
Grian snorts, drawing out his words. “Literally all you have against me is that I have a weapon and I’m a bit of an introvert, that's barely anything,”
“That's not all I have. What about your wings?”
The mood changes instantly, from bickering to an icy, quiet cold.
With that Scar finally looks up at the conversation, they have since all slowed down from walking to a standstill. Grian being the one to stop first as he scowls in Tango's direction.
He doesn't say a word. Tango continues with a malicious look on his face.
“And the arms, they're enchanted, right? I can basically smell it from here. You don't come across enchantments like that in the wild. And that's not even mentioning the level of skill that must have gone into those base robotics, for some random stranger– You'd have to be a part of a pretty powerful faction to get robotics like those and I definitely doubt you're a Vindicator.”
Scar watches Grian flash him a very brief glance at that name. Tango continues unaware.
“I've been around Ender technology enough to recognize its signatures, I used to work with it-”
“You don't know what you're talking about,” Grian cuts in coldly with a flat tone.
“I think I do.” Tango challenges, bearing his sharp teeth.
“Hey, hey, what about we uhh, calm down a bit?” Scar interrupts, shrugging his shoulders slightly with an open demeanour.
Tango's wild gaze jumps to him and sticks.
“I think you guys might have all come off on the wrong foot! Ahah,” Scar laughs painedly.
He stalls slightly, almost feeling the heat from Tango start to concentrate on him instead.
“I promise you, Grian is not as stabby as he seems.”
“Oh yeah?” Tango responds incredulously. “Is that why you have a stab wound on your shoulder?” He jabs his finger in the direction of Scar's shoulder, the gauze and tank top stained lightly red.
Scar shoots Grian a look, the other's eyes blown slightly more wide knowingly.
“…Unrelated circumstances,” Scar says simply.
Tango steps closer to Scar, causing him to stumble back slightly, Jimmy awkwardly drifting over his shoulder placing a hesitant hand on his shoulder briefly. “Why are you even sticking up for this guy? Didn't you say you only just met?” Tango all but growls at Scar.
“Well… We're friends.”
“No, there's something else. Something you're not telling us,”
Scar's mouth finds itself ajar, as he tries to think of what to say. Grian is painfully quiet over his shoulder.
Tango takes another step towards Scar, his mind spinning trying to figure out a believable story.
“…We made a deal!” He settles on.
“A deal?” That seems to genuinely take Tango by surprise, his imposing façade faltering.
“Yeah.”
Tango pulls a weird expression before it changes quickly as if struck by an idea. “If you made a deal maybe we could fulfil it instead, then we won't need this guy. I have the contacts, I know my loopholes. If this deal is so much more important, that you'd associate with this guy then choose what I can offer you instead. What even would it be? to you to find yourself associated with someone like him? What was it?”
“I-…” Scar hesitates and turns his gaze to where Grian is standing. The three of them have moved a considerable distance away from him during their argument, but he still stands within audible range, watching quietly.
The bird looks uncomfortable and small, he thinks. His feathers pinning and fingers flicking at his side, right where his blade would have been.
His expression looks complicated, Scar observes, like he’s expecting this situation but still feels a sense of hurt or pain. Weirdly, his gaze is fixed on the blaze rather than Scar, but he can see him fidget and glare as if he knows he’s being looked at, trying his best to avoid eye contact.
Tango coughs shuffling forward in the sand to bring Scar's attention back to him.
Scar had almost forgotten what they had asked. The deal. He wants to know what their deal was. Technically the deal wasn't even that specific, it’s just protection. That's all Grian had promised and even with a weapon, which he no longer had, in comparison to both Tango and Jimmy his usefulness might be matched.
Grian's expression makes sense now, he’s fully expecting Scar to take this deal.
Scar looks back at Grian, catching him looking at Scar before he darts his eyes away.
He doesn’t like this. He doesn’t understand why Tango is so hostile, it feels unjustified. Like he’s missing something, which is impossible. He's known Grian longer than Tango. Grian is barely a threat, yeah awkward, maybe a little impulsive and snide. But Scar doesn’t believe that justifies leaving him behind. Why is there so much bitterness between his newly acquainted companions? Why is Tango so insistent on Grian being a bad person? These questions circle around in Scar's head as he tries to think of some way he can defend Grian.
“We were going to start up a very specific business.” Scar grins.
“… What?”
“Trading goods. See, I need him because he’s got those fancy wings,” he gestures towards Grian, who’s badly concealing his bewilderment, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly, no sound escaping.
“What are you trading?”
Scar mulls it over before looking at the ground and shrugging. “….sand.”
Despite everything, Grian laughs at that. Coughing and suppressing giggles when the blazeborn shoots him a look.
“Sand?” Jimmy almost yells.
Tango taps at his chin in thought. “I- I mean I could maybe…”
Scar interrupts him. “No no no, I'm a dignified salesman. I made a deal and stayed true to my word. I'm sorry but I'll have to decline the offer,” he replies with an easy-going demeanour.
“We're now a package deal now,” he walks up to stand by Grian's side, patting his shoulder roughly.
Grian's only response is to make an awkward noise and to lean away from Scar, but not enough to actually break the space they share.
Tango looks at them both, an angry look directed at the two. Suddenly, Jimmy places a hand on his shoulder.
“I think we should just play along, even if we're suspicious of someone. I think we need all the help we can get.” The taller man says down to him, smiling slightly.
Tango takes in Jimmy's look, his frown smoothing out for a brief second before he looks back at Scar.
“Maybe I don't trust you now Scar, you've clearly also got secrets you're not telling us,”
“You're getting too caught up on secrets and mysteries, and supposed ‘them’s,” Scar puts on a wide smile, waving at the air with a nonchalant attitude.
“How about… G!” He slings his arm around Grian and pushes him in closer to the other two, while the bird sputters slightly at the new nickname.
“Promise you won't stab any of us in the back until we're free from this …game?” Scar holds him by his shoulders. Grian flinches slightly as he tries to look up at Scar only to get a face full of sun. The glare looks back at the other two, not saying a word, his ears flicking absently.
“Grian!” Scar nudges him.
“Yes, sure,” he says flatly. He crosses his arms. “I promise.”
Scar beams, looking at Tango and Jimmy. “Annddddd do you guys promise not to belittle my friend here for being a bit creepy?”
The both of them hesitate, looking up at each other, exchanging looks.
“I feel creepy is an understatement…” Tango scoffs.
“We promise,” Jimmy says at the same time.
Scar claps his hands together, Grian flinching and holding his ears at the noise. “See! Solved! We're now a team!”
No one celebrates, they all look at each other with uncomfortable hesitation, not at all meeting Scar's enthusiasm. He hops on his toes, ushering the others forward, getting them to start walking again.
“Team… yellow.” Scar looks around at his company, all pulling different forms of confused faces. “Why are you all blond?”
After several hours of walking, the sun had begun to dip over the horizon. They were all able to confirm the revelation that this planet has a pretty short day cycle.
The journey had been painfully awkward. Tango and Jimmy spent most of it talking between themselves, sometimes hushed, which Grian pretended not to notice. He’d closed off slightly despite Scar trying to start a conversation with him several times. It was a stark contrast to how they were in the morning. Scar missed their smallest interactions deeply.
At one point Tango had instructed Scar not to walk so close to Grian, mumbling that he could take his weapon back so easily with how close they were walking. Scar tried to argue, but Grian complied, closing himself off even more as he walked ahead of them.
They’re now settling in for sleep, taking turns in pairs, Tango not trusting Grian to be lookout alone.
Tango and Jimmy lay backed up into the shelter of an overhang, while Scar and Grian sit at the entrance, a considerable distance away.
“Wow- it got dark quicker. Darker than yesterday even,” Scar hums. The sky’s a deep, dark blue rather than the red of last night. Scar shivers, it’s also considerably colder.
“Yeah,” Grian murmurs.
“I bet this is really comforting for you, gloomy dim light,” Scar leans back looking towards where he assumes Grian is sitting, it’s pretty hard to tell.
“Yeah.”
Scar turns back and frowns to himself. It seems Grian is still acting distant, even with Tango and Jimmy snoring peacefully behind them.
“Hmm … wish I could see in the dark though, can't find-”
With far too much force Scar reaches forward, ramming his wrist into a rock wall. He winces. “Ow…”
“Are you okay?” Grian asks from his side, genuine concern lacing his voice.
“Yeah… just, there's a wall there.”
Scar continues to blindly stumble in the dark, searching for his jacket. Suddenly there’s a warm glow, illuminating his surroundings. Scar's mind is slow to process as small flickers of light drift into his peripheral vision, like some combination of fire embers and little lightning bugs.
He jumps backwards, his knee slipping out from under him. “Oh oh oh– what is that!?”
He looks around in shock at the small fiery creatures, before his eyes make contact with Grian who looks completely unconcerned about them. Scar then realises the glare is actually slightly amused at Scars' fright.
“Oh, are you doing that?”
“Yeah… lights to see what you're doing,” Grian mutters somewhat shyly, looking at the space between them. Scar sits back down, reaching for his jacket now that the dim glow has lit up the area.
“Oh! Thanks!” He puts the jacket on, grumbling about the discovery that it isn’t as comfortable inside out. But at least it still keeps the cold at bay so he isn’t about to complain too much.
He watches the tiny lights float in the air. They spin and twirl into themselves, dancing around one another. Scar slowly recognizes the shapes of tiny phantoms, just like the ones from yesterday but smaller and made out of sunlight.
“… Aren't these technically illusion magic?” Scar thinks, not even realising he’s saying it out loud.
He looks to Grian when he hears a shuddered breath, “…oh I guess so,” Grian wraps his arms around his knees, pressing his face into them with a soulful expression.
Unlike the tired apathy he has been carrying, this look is pained and hurt, the little illusions dimming as if in response.
Scar holds his hand out catching one between his fingers. It flutters and whirls in his palm, never quite touching his skin. Scar can swear he can feel its warmth, even though he knows he’s most likely imagining it.
“Well …I like them. They're very cute,” Scar smiles, looking at Grian as he holds one of the tiny beasts in between his hands.
Grian looks up at him, half his face obscured, and that sad look still in his eyes.
“You’re very talented,” Scar pokes at the illusion in his hand, feeling nothing as his finger phases through it. The illusion still dancing and spinning as if it was affected by the force.
“…Thanks,” Grian responds, muffled. A small smile creeps into his features at Scar's compliment.
They fall back into a still quiet state. Scar pushes the illusion back into the air with the others, leaning against the wall as he watches them dance.
“A game huh? I wonder why I'm here…” He muses. Not really expecting an answer from the glare, more filling the air.
“Tango said that we all must have wronged an Ender in our past… But I don't think I have- aside from being a Vindicator… I wonder…” He mulls over ideas in his mind, but there honestly isn't much he can think of. He's never been that involved in the field, and he barely even knows if he'd recognize an Ender if he saw one.
Naturally, Scar's gaze drifts to his company. Grian seems to be as deep in thought as him, his brows deep and ears pinned back, upset.
“Are you… okay?” Scar asks.
Grian looks up at him, his eyes following each line on Scar's face before responding. “Have you decided if I'm a good guy or bad guy yet?”
Scar tilts his head, that’s a very particular kind of question. He leans his head back, taking in the sandy walls striped with different warm shades of colour.
“I don't…” he sighs. “I think I'm starting to realise it's a lot more complex than I thought it all was.”
“Yeah,” Grian mumbles.
“What do you think you are?”
That oh-so-familiar quiet rears its head again. Scar starts to think he isn't going to answer him until, finally, he’s proven wrong.
“… I don't think I'm either, I don't think there really are good guys and bad guys, at least that it's not so black and white most of the time.”
Scar tilts his head down to look at Grian. The bird has now wrapped his tail around his feet, he's almost perfectly wound, aside from his wings that lay out behind him, tired. He's not looking at Scar, but instead at his own illusions that continue to float in the space between them.
Scar looks at them as well. “… I think you're good.”
Grian shifts uncomfortably, raising his head high enough that Scar can see the pained grin he wears.
“Haha god–” he pulls one arm out from being wrapped around his leg and pushes it hard into one side of his face. “You really need to pick better alliances, you really don't know me…”
Scar tilts his head from side to side.
“Well then tell me… do you think you're bad?” He asks simply.
Grian doesn't answer straight away. Instead, he digs his nails slightly into his scalp and looks to his side, very quietly hissing in a breath.
“… I’m trying to be a better person than I was,” he says, almost below a whisper.
“Well, that's something! Bad people don't tend to want to change,” Scar smiles reassuringly. Catching Grian’s eyes and putting on the most friendly expression he can muster.
Grian doesn't seem to buy it though, he pushes his head back into his knees. This time leaning his face away from Scar.
They both sit there, not uttering another word for a few minutes. Scar looks again at the illusions. He wonders what it was like to summon them, and then to keep concentrating on them. Grian doesn't even seem to be paying them much mind, his head buried in his metal limbs. Yet they still dance softly in the air. Maybe it was a soothing thing to conjure and maintain. Grian's feathers certainly imply he's a lot less stressed compared to how they’ve been most of the day.
Scar watches as Grian taps his long taloned fingers against his arm in boredom, the sound resonating in their small space. Metal against metal. Scar stares absently at them, Grian’s head is turned away, so he doesn't feel so bad about picking up on the smaller details he can see now he's this close.
They look slightly scratched, the deep black of the metal is scuffed in places, turning a dark grey. Up this close Scar notices how the robotics look, unfinished. Like they’re just a frame, the mechanisms, and wires open to the world, no protective shell. He can see some of the wires have tape around them, stuck haphazardly to the inside as if they had been snagged and pushed in deeper to avoid being torn again. It strikes Scar as odd. They look incomplete, yet when Grian taps his fingers they move with the fluidity of an organic limb, the small mechanisms barely even make a sound.
“Is it true what he said about enchanted robotics?” Scar asks spontaneously.
Grian lifts his head, that cold look returning once again. He pulls his arms from being wrapped around his legs into his lap, still curled up in his position.
“So, you do think I'm an Ender,” he says plainly.
“Well– I mean– You're not doing much to refute being one,” Scar tries, chuckling under his breath.
“I'm not an Ender,” Grian responds coldly, the least bit amused.
Moving uncomfortably, Scar breaths in, dropping his smile for a genuine look. “And I choose to believe you.”
Grian looks unconvinced. “But you still think I am,” he says slowly.
“… I don't think anything.” Scar argues, interrupted by a surprising chuckle.
“Well, I knew that much already.”
“I– hey!”
Grian giggles to himself, it lays bittersweet on his face when he falls off into silence.
Scar finishes what he’d been saying. “I don't like to assume things.”
With that Grian looks at Scar, really looks at him. The deep dark pools of his eyes squint and scrutinise him. Scar thinks the reflections of the illusions in his eyes look like stars.
“You liked to assume I'm a good person.”
“That's different, I have evidence,” Scar responds cheerfully.
“And what Tango stated wasn't?” He squeaks, baffled, unwinding from his ball more to throw his arms out.
“It didn't feel fair.”
“Fair–” Grian parrots back in disbelief, almost sneering to himself.
“Besides, I feel like it might be hypocritical of me to be upset that you're hiding who you are.”
Grian folds his arms back over himself looking away. “But that's different, I know what you're hiding– I was the one to even suggest it–” He says bitterly.
“Well– maybe I also have my own secrets,” Scar winks.
With a slightly more light in his voice, Grian leans his chin on his knees. “I doubt that– you like talking too much.”
Scar laughs at that, then sits forward holding a finger up as the little illusions swim around him. “You truly underestimate the power of talking, my friend. You can know anything and be given anything by talking, whereas violence enlists the opposite. It cuts you off from ever knowing more. People love talking, and I love secrets. It's an art, really.”
“Why did you become a Vindicator then? If anything they're very for violence and anti-information,” Grian mumbles, looking up at him with a raised brow.
Scar winks again, but this time taps his nose, “For secrets,” he says simply.
Grian rolls his eyes and laughs. “Ah,” He smiles, slipping slightly at the edges. He taps at his arm again. “You sort of concern me,” he huffs. “I don't get you.”
“Well I mean secrets—” Scar starts.
Grian cuts him off, waving a hand. “No no, that's not what I'm talking about…” He rests his hand back down onto his knee looking straight at Scar. “You have this inexplicable blind faith in me and I don't understand why,” his nose scrunches up. “Now, either you're really dumb or …”
Scar splutters trying to defend himself, but Grian continues, closing his eyes.
“I don't know…” He titters.
“I'm just very curious.”
“… about me?”
“Yeah! If you're not going to tell me who you are, then I guess I'll have to get to know you,” Scar grins.
“Usually when people are investigating someone, they don't straight up tell them to their face,” Grian bobs his head smirking.
“And I'm not investigating you,” Scar argues, “it's called companionship— becoming friends. You do have those don't you?” Scar tilts his head.
Grian grins up at him. “Well, you see—” Leaning forward, beckons Scar to follow his movement, before pulling back suddenly.
“That! Was obviously an investigation,” he laughs unfooled.
“Worth a try,” Scar shrugs, also leaning back.
They both become quiet. A cool breeze blows at the feathers on Grian's tail. The little light illusions move through the air slowly, unbothered by the physical realm. Grian holds his hands out, as they all drift over to him, curling up neatly in his hands.
He looks at Scar who’s watching, intrigued, and flashes his teeth in a smile, before closing his hands together, extinguishing the light. Only slight shimmers make it out past his fingers, as Scar watches him push his palms hard against each other still looking at him.
He opens his hands to reveal one creature, slightly bigger than the ones from earlier curled up in his hands. Its form is slightly more detailed, its warm light shimmering with blues and pink at the tips. It bares its tiny teeth as if yawning, and stretches out from its sleepy curl. Grian pushes it up into the air, the small creature imitating catching air in its wings and drifting off into the space in front of them.
“I uh—” Grian interrupts nervously, pulling Scars' gaze away from the illusion. “Thank you! For sticking up for me back there.” He holds a small smile, pained at the edges.
“I honestly wouldn't have held it against you if you took their offer and ran… but—” He coughs and shakes his head. “I guess what I'm saying is it was nice, very foolish… we literally have so many lies to navigate now, it’s a walking nightmare… but it was very kind of you.”
Scar beams, almost wiggling in excitement. “Hey! We're a package deal now!”
The bird rolls his eyes but keeps his smile. “Ugh.”
He pulls his legs out in front of him, his wings lifting off the dusty floor. He shakes them off from the dust before folding them behind his back neatly. He gives Scar a tired look.
Scar shuffles forward waving his hands out, not done with the conversation just yet.
“Seriously! I like you!” Grian flicks him a nervous look, making a confused noise that almost sounds like a chirp. Scar itches his head and elaborates. “I'm glad we've gotten to meet each other again. Under different circumstances.”
Grian's wide grin falters. His eyes drift to the left side of Scar's face, darting away and looking at the ground instead.
“And let’s hope we leave this one better then, aye?” His hesitant grimaces switch to a small but genuine smile.
“I owe at least that to you,” he adds.
Scar nods.
It never occurred to him that they’ll have to part ways at some point, for some reason that thought never crossed his mind, and it makes him sad. He’s a Vindicator and Grian was, probably still is, a criminal. It would be hard to meet up with someone actively imprisoned, and that’s even if Grian cares enough to risk that. Considering he said the words leave, he must have assumed they'll likely never meet again.
It makes Scar feel a little sour, he was having the most fun time here, even with the lingering death and tense energy directed at his new friend. He'd had more fun being kidnapped and disregarded on some random planet than he ever had on a shift.
Scar watches the illusion spin, he doesn't need to dwell on it too much, this adventure is starting to appear long and treacherous, he should just enjoy what he has left of it and Grian’s company.
Scar puts light into his voice, eyes still set on the glowing creature.
“Now shall we discuss at length about our sand trader backstory?”
Grian snorts.
He looks at him to watch Grian fake an obvious yawn. “Wow! I'm suddenly very tired.”
Scar smiles more genuinely this time.
“I’ll be called ‘Scorn’ and you'll be my faithful lackey ‘Giran’”
“They already know our names why-” Grian wheezes, before holding his palms up. ”You know what- nah, actually I'm asleep right now- and actively not engaging” He lays down closing his eyes.
“Best friends,” Scar continues. “Found abandoned as children together in a sandbox, oh that could be where the trading started!”
Grian rolls over away from Scar, pulling his wings pointedly over his head.
“I'M SLEEPING! Can't hear you over how loudly I'm sleeping right now-” he says slightly muffled, starting to laugh. Before he chuckles loudly to himself.
He suddenly sits up quickly and holds his hands tight over his mouth, Scar noticing the noise of someone grumbling tiredly.
He sees a shadow of Tango toss in his sleep before settling again.
Scar and Grian both exchange a look, Grian trying his hardest to hold onto a laugh before he coughs one into his hands, hushing him. Scar joins in wheezing.
They both sit, in a warm glow, laughing quietly between themselves as the night continues.
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hyperballart · 6 months ago
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taking aphrodisiacs with patrick as a joke…
being at his place and both of you being bored out of your minds. you’ve been hanging out with him for a couple months since he came up to you one day after class asking for notes. now youre on his couch half listening to a movie he put on the dvd player while eating the remnants of the pizza you ordered. you turn to him, “i need something sweet, got anything here?” he murmurs something about you looking through his pantry and you get up, dusting off small crumbs of bread from your skirt. as you’re rummaging through all the junk stored in there, you miraculously spot a bag of kit kats on the top shelf. you’re about to call patrick to help you reach for it when a sudden tug of your fingers is enough to bring it to the floor. you curse and pick it up but next to the bag you find a few chocolate bars from a brand you’ve never heard of.
you pick them up and examine the black packaging with gold detailing and read the contents in the back. you come to the realization that you’ve found your friend’s stash of sex chocolate edibles. you hold them behind your back and walk in front of him with a shit-eating grin. he looks up to you annoyed, “what? do you mind? you’re blocking the tv.” you pull out the boxes and giggle, “why do you have these?”
you see him slightly blushing and stutter something out about them actually belonging to his roommate and telling you to put them back. you don’t listen, instead suggest something that you’ll probably regret later.
you don’t know why or how exactly everything came to be, but now youre both giggling and surrounded by all four empty chocolate boxes on the couch. it’s been about forty minutes and you feel a bit airy, patrick no doubt does as well. the previously neglected movie suddenly becoming hilarious as you’re both fighting tears and holding your stomachs. you come to the realization that you haven’t yet checked how legitimate those treats were so you ask your friend, “how are you? like, do you feel anything? i’m not sure these did their job.” he turns to you as his laughing dies down, “god i’m so fucking hard right now,” he leans his had back and keeps eye contact and brings a hand down to cup himself through his sweats, “it’s been like this for a bit—mm fuck,” your eyes are growing lidded and your starting to notice the effect on you as well.
for about thirty seconds, you look between his face and where his hand is softly petting his dick through his clothes, his mouth parts a bit and he’s quietly panting when he reaches down and squeezes his tip. he notices how unusual it is and quickly mutters a sorry, i’m a little high before picking his hand back up but you stop him. your own palm reaches out to touch him and he’s dragging it under his sweats and letting out a shaky sigh when you touch him bare. he’s hard, harder than you’ve ever felt a man and you almost feel bad. how long has he been like this? you pull him out and he fucking moans in your ear, his tip is steadily leaking and he won’t stop throbbing. “oh my god, yeah—touch me please”
you don’t think you’ve ever been so turned on in your life, you let him know this and hes quickly begging you to sink down on his cock—“c’mon baby, sit on it,” he roughly handles you to straddle him, “cum on me, i need it” your panties are still on but you’ve soaked right through them, they’re basically transparent and the feel of patrick desperately humping your cunt through them is enough to bring you to an orgasm within a minute. “oh holy fuck, yeah—“ patrick is shaking under you, he’s trying to push you down harder on him and he looks like he’s about to cry.
you don’t even need to hold him, he’s hard as steel, but you do anyway. you press him at your entrance through your panties and he squirms, pushing his hips further so they poke at your covered entrance, wanting to get inside you. both of your eyes roll back at the sensation, and you’re starting to drool. you keep going until he groans a shit, i’m coming on you and you decide you need more.
he’s coming back slowly, and you’re lifting up your skirt to reveal where you’re both connected. he glances down and the sight is enough to be engraved in his brain forever, he’ll jerk off to this memory until he fucking dies. your white cotton panties are soaked and soiled, they cling to your pussy and outline your lips in a way that makes patrick twitch under you. his cum is still dripping from your pussy and your thighs keep twitching, he can’t wait anymore.
he groans—almost angrily—and in one moment, he has your panties pulled to the side and pushes up into you in a single thrust. both of you release disgustingly obscene sounds at the relief and there’s no time before you’re fucking each other like rabbits. he’s in your ear, “you’re getting everything wet, messy fucking girl,” he moans when you clench down on him hard, “that’s it, milk this fucking cock, i’m gonna come in you—that’s what you want.” he doesn’t phrase it as a question, he knows you do.
after a couple minutes he’s doing just that, and you follow right after. even as you’re spent, laid down next to him, you still ache and he’s still hard. you don’t even wait until his cum stops dripping out of you until you’re going at it again. and again, and again.
art is gonna be pissed when he comes home and sees you two got into his stash.
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mostlysignssomeportents · 21 days ago
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Kickstarting a new Martin Hench novel about the dawn of enshittification
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If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/07/weird-pcs/#a-mormon-bishop-an-orthodox-rabbi-and-a-catholic-priest-walk-into-a-personal-computing-revolution
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Picks and Shovels is a new, standalone technothriller starring Marty Hench, my two-fisted, hard-fighting, tech-scam-busting forensic accountant. You can pre-order it on my latest Kickstarter, which features a brilliant audiobook read by @wilwheaton:
http://martinhench.com
This is the third Hench novel, following on from the nationally bestselling The Bezzle (2024) and Red Team Blues (2023). I wrote Red Team Blues with a funny conceit: what if I wrote the final volume of a beloved, long-running series, without writing the rest of the series? Turns out, the answer is: "Your editor will buy a whole bunch more books in the series!"
My solution to this happy conundrum? Write the Hench books out of chronological order. After all, Marty Hench is a financial hacker who's been in Silicon Valley since the days of the first PCs, so he's been there for all the weird scams tech bros have dreamed up since Jobs and Woz were laboring in their garage over the Apple I. He's the Zelig of high-tech fraud! Look hard at any computing-related scandal and you'll find Marty Hench in the picture, quietly and competently unraveling the scheme, dodging lawsuits and bullets with equal aplomb.
Which brings me to Picks and Shovels. In this volume, we travel back to Marty's first job, in the 1980s – the weird and heroic era of the PC. Marty ended up in the Bay Area after he flunked out of an MIT computer science degree (he was too busy programming computers to do his classwork), and earning his CPA at a community college.
Silicon Valley in the early eighties was wild: Reaganomics stalked the land, the AIDS crisis was in full swing, the Dead Kennedys played every weekend, and man were the PCs ever weird. This was before the industry crystalized into Mac vs PC, back when no one knew what they were supposed to look like, who was supposed to use them, and what they were for.
Marty's first job is working for one of the weirder companies: Fidelity Computing. They sound like a joke: a computer company run by a Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest and an orthodox rabbi. But the joke's on their customers, because Fidelity Computing is a scam: a pyramid sales cult that exploits religious affinities to sell junk PCs that are designed to lock customers in and squeeze them for every dime. A Fidelity printer only works with Fidelity printer paper (they've gimmicked the sprockets on the tractor-feed). A Fidelity floppy drive only accepts Fidelity floppies (every disk is sold with a single, scratched-out sector and the drives check for an error on that sector every time they run).
Marty figures out he's working for the bad guys when they ask him to destroy Computing Freedom, a scrappy rival startup founded by three women who've escaped from Fidelity Computing's cult: a queer orthodox woman who's been kicked out of her family; a radical nun who's thrown in with the Liberation Theology movement in opposing America's Dirty Wars; and a Mormon woman who's quit the church in disgust at its opposition to the Equal Rights Amendment. The women of Computing Freedom have a (ahem) holy mission: to free every Fidelity customer from the prison they were lured into.
Marty may be young and inexperienced, but he can spot a rebel alliance from a light year away and he knows what side he wants to be on. He joins the women in their mission, and we're deep into a computing war that quickly turns into a shooting war. Turns out the Reverend Sirs of Fidelity Computer aren't just scammers – they're mobbed up, and willing to turn to lethal violence to defend their racket.
This is a rollicking crime thriller, a science fiction novel about the dawn of the computing revolution. It's an archaeological expedition to uncover the fossil record of the first emergence of enshittification, a phenomenon that was born with the PC and its evil twin, the Reagan Revolution.
The book comes out on Feb 15 in hardcover and ebook from Macmillan (US/Canada) and Bloomsbury (UK), but neither publisher is doing the audiobook. That's my department.
Why? Well, I love audiobooks, and I especially love the audiobooks for this series, because they're read by the incredible Wil Wheaton, hands down my favorite audiobook narrator. But that's not why I retain my audiobook rights and produce my own audiobooks. I do that because Amazon's Audible service refuses to carry any of my audiobooks.
Here's how that works: Audible is a division of Amazon, and they've illegally obtained a monopoly over the audiobook market, controlling more than 90% of audiobook sales in many genres. That means that if your book isn't for sale on Audible, it might as well not exist.
But Amazon won't let you sell your books on Audible unless you let them wrap those books in "digital rights management," a kind of encryption that locks them to Audible's authorized players. Under Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, it's a felony punishable with a 5-year sentence and a $500k fine to supply you with a tool to remove an audiobook from Audible and play it on a rival app. That applies even if the person who gives you the tool is the creator of the book!
You read that right: if I make an audiobook and then give you the tools to move it out of Amazon's walled garden, I could go to prison for five years! That's a stiffer sentence than you'd face if you were to just pirate the audiobook. It's a harsher penalty than you'd get for shoplifting the book on CD from a truck-stop. It's more draconian than the penalty for hijacking the truck that delivers the CDs!
Amazon knows that every time you buy an audiobook from Audible, you increase the cost you'll have to pay if you switch to a competitor. They use that fact to give readers a worse deal (last year they tried out ads in audiobooks!). But the people who really suffer under this arrangement are the writers, whom Amazon abuses with abandon, knowing they can't afford to leave the service because their readers are locked into it. That's why Amazon felt they could get away with stealing $100 million from indie audiobook creators (and yup, they got away with it):
https://www.audiblegate.com/about
Which is why none of my books can be sold with DRM. And that means that Audible won't carry any of them.
For more than a decade, I've been making my own audiobooks, in partnership with the wonderful studio Skyboat Media and their brilliant director, Gabrielle de Cuir:
https://skyboatmedia.com/
I pay fantastic narrators a fair wage for their work, then I pay John Taylor Williams, the engineer who masters my podcasts, to edit the books and compose bed music for the intro and outro. Then I sell the books at every store in the world – except Audible and Apple, who both have mandatory DRM. Because fuck DRM.
Paying everyone a fair wage is expensive. It's worth it: the books are great. But even though my books are sold at many stores online, being frozen out of Audible means that the sales barely register.
That's why I do these Kickstarter campaigns, to pre-sell thousands of audiobooks in advance of the release. I've done six of these now, and each one was a huge success, inspiring others to strike out on their own, sometimes with spectacular results:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/books/2022/04/01/brandon-sanderson-kickstarter-41-million-new-books/7243531001/
Today, I've launched the Kickstarter for Picks and Shovels. I'm selling the audiobook and ebook in DRM-form, without any "terms of service" or "license agreement." That means they're just like a print book: you buy them, you own them. You can read them on any equipment you choose to. You can sell them, give them away, or lend them to friends. Rather than making you submit to 20,000 words of insulting legalese, all I ask of you is that you don't violate copyright law. I trust you!
Speaking of print books: I'm also pre-selling the hardcover of Picks and Shovels and the paperbacks of The Bezzle and Red Team Blues, the other two Marty Hench books. I'll even sign and personalize them for you!
http://martinhench.com
I'm also offering five chances to commission your own Marty Hench story – pick your favorite high-tech finance scam from the past 40 years of tech history, and I'll have Marty bust it in a custom short story. Once the story is published, I'll make sure you get credit. Check out these two cool Little Brother stories my previous Kickstarter backers commissioned:
Spill
https://reactormag.com/spill-cory-doctorow/
Vigilant
https://reactormag.com/vigilant-cory-doctorow/
I'm heading out on tour this winter and spring with the book. I'll be in LA, San Francisco, San Diego, Burbank, Bloomington, Chicago, Richmond VA, Toronto, NYC, Boston, Austin, DC, Baltimore, Seattle, and other dates still added. I've got an incredible roster of conversation partners lined up, too: John Hodgman, Charlie Jane Anders, Dan Savage, Ken Liu, Peter Sagal, Wil Wheaton, and others.
I hope you'll check out this book, and come out to see me on tour and say hi. Before I go, I want to leave you with some words of advance praise for Picks and Shovels:
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I hugely enjoyed Picks and Shovels. Cory Doctorow’s reconstruction of the age is note perfect: the detail, the atmosphere, ethos, flavour and smell of the age is perfectly conveyed. I love Marty and Art and all the main characters. The hope and the thrill that marks the opening section. The superb way he tells the story of the rise of Silicon Valley (to use the lazy metonym), inserting the stories of Shockley, IBM vs US Government, the rise of MS – all without turning journalistic or preachy.
The seeds of enshittification are all there… even in the sunlight of that time the shadows are lengthening. AIDS of course, and the coming scum tide of VCs. In Orwellian terms, the pigs are already rising up on two feet and starting to wear trousers. All that hope, all those ideals…
I love too the thesis that San Francisco always has failed and always will fail her suitors.
Despite cultural entropy, enshittification, corruption, greed and all the betrayals there’s a core of hope and honour in the story too.
-Stephen Fry
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Cory Doctorow writes as few authors do, with tech world savvy and real world moral clarity. A true storyteller for our times.
-John Scalzi
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A crackling, page-turning tumble into an unexpected underworld of queer coders, Mission burritos, and hacker nuns. You will fall in love with the righteous underdogs of Computing Freedom—and feel right at home in the holy place Doctorow has built for them far from Silicon Valley’s grabby, greedy hands."
-Claire Evans, editor of Motherboard Future, author of Broad Band: The Untold Story of the Women Who Made the Internet.
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"Wonderful…evokes the hacker spirit of the early personal computer era—and shows how the battle for software freedom is eternal."
-Steven Levy, author of Hackers: Heroes of the Computer Revolution and Facebook: The Inside Story.
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What could be better than a Martin Hench thriller set in 1980s San Francisco that mixes punk rock romance with Lotus spreadsheets, dot matrix printers and religious orders? You'll eat this up – I sure did.
-Tim Wu, Special Assistant to the President for Technology and Competition Policy, author of The Master Switch: The Rise and Fall of Information Empires
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Captures the look and feel of the PC era. Cory Doctorow draws a portrait of a Silicon Valley and San Francisco before the tech bros showed up — a startup world driven as much by open source ideals as venture capital gold.
-John Markoff, Pulitzer-winning tech columnist for the New York Times and author of What the Doormouse Said: How the Sixties Counterculture Shaped the Personal Computer Industry
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You won't put this book down – it's too much fun. I was there when it all began. Doctorow's characters and their story are real.
-Dan'l Lewin, CEO and President of the Computer History Museum
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cyborg-franky · 10 months ago
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How do the boys (Zoro, Law, Kid and Ace) try to impress the girl they have a crush on? How do they act when their love is around? 👀💕
I have just had a week of being uncreative so I hope I didn't get too rusty. And I hope you enjoy this <3
I made it gender neurtral. Law x GN Reader Zoro x GN Reader Kid x GN Reader Ace x GN Reader
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Law
He scoffs at the notion of showing off in front of anyone., let alone a crush. He’s not that kind of person. He doesn’t need to put on a show to impress you.
Law knows his superior intellect and amazing devil fruit are all he needs to impress you anyway.
Without realizing it, he’ll often info dump to you about the things he’s interested in, how to fix this bone, and how to treat that burn. 
He’s the kind of guy who needs you to know he’s the most intelligent person in the room.
That doesn’t mean there's nothing there, his crush means alot to him, and he can come across as an asshole when they are standing there listening to him over-explaining things.
He knows you think he’s a fantastic fighter. 
He doesn’t ask you what you thought of his moves, though. Instead, he listens intently to the chatter around the Tang, basking in your indirect praise and remembering what you liked about his performance the most. As long as you’re watching, he’ll aim to do better next time.
You are flattered he invites you to so many of his doctor duties, but you don’t need him to over explain taking blood, plus the needles, no thank you.
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Zoro
Most of the time he’s not the type to go out of his way to impress anyone.
Maybe around his crush, he lifts heavier things, making sure their eyes are on him while he shows off.
But he’ll act like it’s nothing that he goes this hard every workout session.
When he’s resting, he flexes and gives you a little show.
Zoro thinks he’s smooth, but it’s really obvious to you.
How he smirked at your reaction when he picked up another weight seemingly effortlessly, though he could feel the strain.
He's the type of guy who is always lifting whenever his crush is around. 
He was still acting nonchalant as you complimented his form, impressed with how much weight he was pressing. 
He also loves to show off his sword techniques in front of you when a battle breaks out. His focus never wavers, but there is that little extra something he puts on just for you.
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Kid
He’s a show-off, and he knows it. He gets louder and more volatile than usual. He has to make comments loudly to get your attention.
He works out in front of you whenever he gets a chance, putting on a theatrical display of his powers just for you. Not just in battle but as a general: Look what I can do! He claims he’s just fixing up the ship, but he needs your attention and praise as he swirls metal around in the sky, making things appear from thin air and turning junk into treasure.
“Get a load of this,” he barks, smirking as his metal arm grows. His massive fist clenches as he eyes you up, greedily absorbing every expression. 
“Pretty fuckin’ impressive, huh?” Oh, you know he knows it is, but you humor him by agreeing. You see how he puffs up his chest proudly cackles as he sends junk flying, making sure you can see just how powerful he is.
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Ace
Ace is strange, he’s both full of himself and lacks self confidence.
He’s on the striker, enjoying the nice weather and playing around with the waves, just needing off the main ship, doing tricks on his personal boat.
“Oh wow, Ace!” his attention snaps to you as you watch him.
That’s when he starts trying to impress you, knowing you like what you see. “Oh yeah? Check this out then!” He calls, a big grin on his freckled face. He uses his fire to power the striker, going faster and faster, fighting against the waves as he pulls off more complicated and challenging tricks, all for you.
His attention is always half on what he’s doing and how the expression on your face changes with each stunt, getting more daring.
He loves it, loves your claps, adores how you gasp, knowing you care about him. Everything goes to his head as the tricks get elaborate.
He always tries to show off whenever you're around from that day forward.
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strawberryfatstuff · 3 months ago
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escape
Imagine being stuck in a cell, with a ginormous feast being placed in front of you every day and only allowed to leave once you can eat it all in one sitting
You wake up, disoriented. you look around, nothing in your dark surroundings but a bed and a table. suddenly, you hear a commotion of people in robes, faces covered, rush to bring something onto the barren table in your cell. They disappear in a flash, all that’s left behind is an absolute banquet. A feast that could overfeed about 30 people at a buffet, piled with junk food. Rich creamy pastas, pizza stacked upon pizza, a plate of burgers piled high enough you wondered how it hadn’t fallen over, and piles upon piles of sugary desserts with the most delicious smells filling the room. You wonder if this was supposed to be your last meal, but your thoughts were cut short, by the greedy rumblings of your belly. You were starving, and decided there was nothing else left to do but dig in.
Almost a year has gone by, but to you it had felt like a lifetime. You would wake, stuff yourself with reckless abandon with no fear of judgement or consequences, and go back to sleep. There was no way to tell how often the meals were being brought to you, in fact the only way to tell that time had passed at all was what it had all been doing to your body. When you had first woken up, you had been reasonably thin, maybe a small potbelly from the occasional lack of willpower from time to time but nothing to worry about. Now however, you had grown immensely. If there had been any chance of holding back in attempt to save your figure it had long since flown out the nonexistent window. Your belly had swelled outward, inflated, and sagged lower, you had noticed any sights of what had been your feet had become less and less frequent. Your legs had become heavy with fat, the fat on your thighs threatening to overlap your knees, and the beginning signs of cankles showing on your calves. Your tits had grown substantially, with rolls forming along the sides making your puffy arms rest a little higher than they had before. However, you had certainly done a number on that buffet, having before only been able to stomach a pizza at most you had started to get creative, wrapping burgers with entire pizzas and shoving them into your rapidly swelling gut with as much force and speed as you could. It was the only pastime you had really, so you made the most of it by constantly testing the bursting point of your greedy gut.
It had been a few years of endless feasting before you had begun to notice your mobility diminishing. You were now able to eat enough to feed a large family before slowing down, but your travel from your bed had begun leaving you winded, and took great deal of effort to take your lumbering waddle over to your meals. Your stomach of course, the culprit. Its rolls had swelled with fat so much it now hung down past your knees, fighting your wobbling thighs for space. your knees and feet had long since been covered by the swell of constant calories you had been shoving in. Your elbows had long since disappeared under the size your upper arms had ballooned to. The next day you had woken up, with the familiar smell of food filling your senses, and attempted to get out of bed. You struggled to gasp for air, trying with feeble attempts to propel yourself with enough momentum to get forward, and more importantly, your meal. Each attempt was rather hindered by amount of gut covering your lap. Suddenly, the masked people reentered into your room, and instead of leaving the food on the table, they pick it up piece by piece and began feeding it to you. One after another they stuffed greasy food straight into your greedy belly. The speed they each filled your mouth was almost too fast to chew, forcing you to swallow bigger bites as quickly as you could. “Please, go a little slower” you tried to call out between bites of food, but only one of them replied, “Too bad, you should have never been as greedy as you were in the first place. Fat fucks like you don’t get a say in this matter.”They continued to stuff your face, and once you had eaten enough to feel sick of your usual feast, you cried for them to stop. They fed you their last handfuls, and quickly as they had came, they left. One lingering long enough to instal what looked like a hose coming out of the ceiling.
The next time you awoke, you expected to to greeted by your usual meal of the table, but you noticed that the table had been removed from your room entirely. The only thing that caught your eye was the hose they had left the day before. Starving, you placed it in your mouth and began to suck out of desperation. You were instant met with what tasted like the blend of greasy food you had been eating for years. you noticed at the corner of your bed they had also left a small device, with words _ out of _ eaten. The lights being too dim to properly read, you cast it out of your brain and begun swallowing. It felt so good, the constant flow of calories filling your overstretched gut. You watch it rise with every gulp you fill it with, greed and lust overpowering you with the desire to fill it as big as possible. There was no way to tell how long you spent swallowing, only the rapid expansion of your body. each time you took a nap you would awake with your belly before you looking visibly larger then it had before.
This continued for what felt like eons, a never ending cycle of consuming and growing. your feet had been consumed completely, your arms stuck at a permanent angle, the fat surrounding your head keeping it in place, and your belly. So large it had grown over your swollen feet, and threatened to cover the rest of the bed. One day, as you swallowed, you heard a beep. You wondered if it had been the strange device that had long since been hidden under the concerningly large rolls swelling out from your massive gut. Just then, you were blinded by a bright light, as the door to your cell cracked with dust and opened, with the masked people watching you from the hallway connected. A familiar voice from among them, “You’re free to to go whenever you want fatty, the doors wide open.” And laughed. They all had begun laughing, shook their heads, and walked away. You paused swallowing to see if you could still escape, and tried to move your feet for the first time in ages. The response you received was a ripple of fat that jiggled your whole body. What had been so great about the outside world away? Your belly growled, it’s lust to be filled overpowering any thought you had remaining. You caress your growing belly, and continue to swallow.
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corkinavoid · 6 months ago
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A list of things I've done that pissed my mother off, but as Batfam + Team Phantom edition
Bruce: got into a verbal fight and held a year-long grudge at my teacher for not giving me a fair grade at an annual competition, and proceeded to go out of my way to win said competition next year
Alfred: refused to eat her food, got told to cook for myself and did so, ending up with both my dad and sister saying my banana bread was the best thing they've eaten
Dick: swung on the bungee rope over the dry riverbed turned into junk yard, fell, miraculously did not die, went to that same bungee rope the next day
Babs: organized a stake out, found out which neighbor had been messing with trash bins when everyone blamed raccoons, called said neighbor a raccoon for the next three weeks
Jason: kept reading books at night with a flashlight, when said flashlight was taken away, lit a candle and accidentally almost set the house on fire
Tim: fled to a different country across the globe without telling anyone except my sister, who's been 7 at the time, and did not respond to any calls or messages for three months
Steph: picked a dress with glitter for a dinner with her relatives after specifically being told not to, was forced to change, but took my revenge by exploding a glitter bomb in the car when we have already arrived at the relatives' house
Cass: responded with 'sorry I didn't quite catch that could you repeat' to her very long rant, over text
Damian: successfully clawed and gnawed at a classmate's face after they destroyed my painting
Duke: was the leader of school rebellion over the 'no wigs allowed in school' rule in sixth grade, managed to convince two teachers to join, ended up with the rule taken down
Danny: accidentally shocked myself with a tazer I stole from her handbag, cried, when she came to ask what happened, showed her by repeating the accidental electrocution
Dan: pushed my maternal aunt into the pool and watched her flounder, knowing very well she is a bad swimmer, when confronted about it later argued it was the kiddie part of the pool and she could not have drowned
Jazz: told her I was in love with a girl she disliked, when she voiced her opinion on it, made a whole argument about how I'm supposed to learn from my own mistakes and not from her experiences
Dani: zoned out while she was yelling at me, came back to her saying 'you're no better than a pig', impulsively told her 'it's because of genetics' and started oinking
Sam: painted my nails and toes on my left hand and left foot black, dyed my hair purple, but only on the left side, as well as got a piercing on the left eyebrow, while the whole right side was left 'natural'
Tucker: learned to change the wi-fi password and held power over the internet every time she took my electronics away by asking a friend that lived nearby to come by my house and using their phone to change the password
Bonus:
Selina: repeatedly stolen antique jewelry from grandma because she, in turn, stole it from my other grandma
Valerie: turned rogue, teamed up with the opponent team in lasertag and helped them win over my own teammates
Talia: threatened a person I will carve their eyeballs out with a spoon if they ever as much as look at my sister funny again, a month later gave them a decorated silver teaspoon as a birthday gift
Jack Fenton: failed my driving license test seven times, three of which were on purpose
Maddie: ruined her plans of my picture-perfect marriage by friendzoning a son of her friend, claiming I'm saving my love only for the important things like mozzarella
Vlad: scared my sister shitless by telling her a scary story about ghosts under her bed and then hiding under her bed and making 'boo' noizes
Clockwork: purposefully made her experience deja vu by wearing the exact same clothes and greeting her the exact same way in the exact same place for three days in a row
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narxcisse · 2 months ago
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★ — Brother figure Jason Todd headcanons
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Brother figure!Jason Todd x Child!Reader
CW: mention of bad parents(?, fluff, platonic relationship
English isn't my native language
Jason had been out on patrol on a particularly cold night in Crime Alley, his former home and one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Gotham. That night, the alleys seemed darker and more desolate than usual, but not enough for Jason to let his guard down. He was chasing a small group of drug dealers when he heard a sound distinct from the usual echoing gunshots and screams: a soft, almost muffled cry coming from a dumpster.
Following the sound, he found a kid, no older than 12, wrapped in rags and shivering from the cold. You were dirty, barefoot, and your eyes reflected the kind of fear Jason recognized all too well: the fear of someone who’s seen too much for their age.
Jason, who was normally gruff and serious, couldn’t help but soften at the sight of you. He pulled off his leather jacket and placed it over your shoulders, muttering a soft, “Come on, I can’t leave you here.” And though you didn’t trust him at first, the warmth of his jacket and his firm yet gentle tone convinced you to follow him.
Upon investigation, Jason discovered that you had been abandoned by your parents amidst the chaos of Gotham. Maybe they were addicts, or maybe they simply left you behind because they couldn’t care for you. Whatever the reason, Jason felt a silent rage. He knew what it was like to be a child forgotten by the system, and he vowed that no matter what, he wouldn’t let that happen to you.
Jason quickly became the overprotective, ride-or-die older brother. Anyone who messed with you? They were on his radar. He didn’t care if they were kids, teachers, or hardened criminals.
He gave you a nickname almost immediately. Something endearing but teasing, like “Squirt,” “Kiddo,” or “Runt.” Hearing him use it always made you feel safe.
Jason isn’t a fan of strict rules, so he doesn’t parent you like Bruce might. Instead, he gives advice like, “Don’t do anything too stupid” or “Call me if you need backup.”
He’s surprisingly soft-spoken when it comes to teaching you things. Whether it’s self-defense, cooking, or just how to punch someone correctly, he’s patient, making sure you get it right without frustration.
He’s not great at emotional vulnerability, but Jason has his moments. You’ll catch him giving you these long, thoughtful looks before ruffling your hair and muttering, “Proud of you, kid.”
Jason lets you decorate your shared space however you want. He thinks you’ll pick something tacky or childish, but seeing your effort makes him melt inside.
He cooks for you, even if it’s just scrambled eggs or spaghetti. “Don’t get used to this, I’m not a gourmet chef,” he says, even though he secretly loves taking care of you.
You have regular “family nights” where you binge movies, eat junk food, and throw popcorn at each other during arguments about which pirated movie is the best.
He introduces you to the classics he loves: literature like The Count of Monte Cristo, and music like Springsteen and Bowie. He’s thrilled when you pick up some of his tastes.
Whenever you feel insecure or inadequate, Jason is the first to shut that down. “You’re tougher than you think, Squirt. If anyone says otherwise, they can deal with me.”
Jason is constantly worried about your safety. If you so much as scrape your knee, he’s immediately there with disinfectant and a stern lecture about being careful.
If someone bullies you, he doesn’t hesitate to have a “talk” with them. You’ll never know what he said, but the bullies steer clear of you after that.
He teaches you how to fight, not just to defend yourself but to give you confidence. “A good jab to the nose, and they’ll think twice,” he says with a grin.
When he’s out as Red Hood, he checks in constantly. He’s the kind of older brother who texts, “You good?” every hour if he can’t be home.
If you ever get caught up in danger because of him, the guilt eats at him. He won’t rest until you’re safe, and he swears to never let it happen again.
Jason has a big soft spot for seeing you happy. If he notices you eyeing a toy, a book, or even a weird trinket, he’ll find a way to get it for you, no matter what.
When you have nightmares, he lets you crash in his room, pretending not to notice when you clutch his sleeve. “Go back to sleep, kid,” he says gruffly, but he’ll stay awake to make sure you feel safe.
He’s not great at outright compliments, but he’ll slip them into conversations. “Yeah, they’re smart like that. Must run in the family,” he’ll say with a smirk.
Sometimes, he leaves little notes for you if he’s out late, like: “Don’t stay up too late, Squirt. And don’t forget to eat something other than chips.”
Despite his tough exterior, Jason will never miss a chance to remind you that you matter to him. “You’re stuck with me, kid. Get used to it.”
Jason isn’t perfect—he has his temper, his flaws, and his regrets—but when it comes to you, he’ll do everything in his power to be the brother you deserve. To him, you’re not just someone he saved; you’re family.
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Jason leaned against his motorcycle, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Alright, kid. Time to learn how to ride,” he said, tossing you a helmet. It was comically large on your head, wobbling slightly as you adjusted the straps.
“Wait, what?” you blurted, staring at him like he’d lost his mind. “But what if some authority sees us?”
Jason snorted, his grin widening. “But there's no one who's an authority here, right? Besides, I’m a fantastic teacher.”
You raised an eyebrow. “You’ve literally crashed this thing before.”
“Details,” Jason said, brushing off your concern with a wave. “Now hop on. You’ve got to start somewhere, and who better to teach you than me?”
You hesitated, glancing at the sleek black motorcycle. It looked huge, intimidating even, but there was something about the way Jason spoke—so confident and reckless—that made you want to trust him. With a deep breath, you climbed on, settling in front of him on the seat.
“Alright,” he said, swinging his leg over to sit behind you. He reached around to grab your hands, placing them on the handlebars. “This is your throttle,” he explained, twisting the grip. “And this is your brake. Easy stuff.”
“Uh-huh,” you said nervously, your palms already clammy. “Easy for you.”
Jason chuckled, his voice warm and teasing. “Relax, Squirt. I’m right here. You’re not gonna crash.”
“You’re not even wearing a helmet!”
“Do as I say, not as I do,” he replied breezily.
With his hands guiding yours, he showed you how to start the engine. The motorcycle roared to life, vibrating beneath you. Your heart leapt into your throat, but Jason’s steady grip on your shoulders kept you grounded.
“Okay, now just twist the throttle—gently,” Jason instructed.
You did as he said, and the bike lurched forward a few feet. You yelped, clutching the handlebars tighter.
“See? You’re a natural!” Jason said, laughing. “Now let’s pick up the pace.”
“Are you insane?”
“Probably. Now go!”
With Jason egging you on, you twisted the throttle again, this time a little harder. The motorcycle surged forward, and you felt the wind whip against your face. Jason’s laughter rang in your ears as he kept a firm hold on your sides, steering from behind when necessary.
“You’re doing great!” he shouted over the noise.
“I’m going to die!” you yelled back, though there was a spark of exhilaration in your voice.
Jason guided you around an empty parking lot, letting you get a feel for the bike. With every loop, you grew a little more confident, and Jason’s pride was practically palpable.
“Alright, now let’s try stopping,” he said.
You hit the brake too hard, and the bike skidded to a halt, nearly throwing both of you off. Jason steadied it with his feet, laughing as he helped you regain your balance.
“Not bad,” he said, ruffling your hair. “Could use some finesse, though.”
You glared at him, your heart still racing. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”
“Yeah, well, you survived, didn’t you?” Jason teased. He leaned back, crossing his arms. “Bet you’re glad I’m your big brother now.”
You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t deny the rush of excitement coursing through you. “Next time, you’re wearing a helmet.”
Jason grinned, his eyes glinting mischievously. “Deal. But don't tell anyone about this."
“Deal,” you said, smirking.
And just like that, Jason proved, once again, that he was the most irresponsible yet strangely endearing brother you could ask for.
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thewertsearch · 12 days ago
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You make a cautious motion toward a beckoning EXIT KNOB, when suddenly THE SAME WILD CHARACTER-SELECT SCREEN REAPPROACHES NONTHREATENINGLY!
I think we've got to go with Jake, unless one of the blondes is secretly clickable this time around.
...nope, doesn't look like it. Back to English class, then!
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What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.
A reference to Jake's 'spacing out' feels like it could be a hint that he's the session's new Space Player. I guess he is living beside the Forge, but I still think there's currently more evidence for Doom.
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You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman.
I could absolutely see Grandma Jade rocking the Sassacre Slayers. She is a skilled markswoman, after all, and we've seen her abilities in action a couple of times.
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You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.
No Dreambot for Jake, I take it. Guess that makes sense - that bot was Crockertech, and Grandma Jade didn't inherit the company like Grandpa Jake did.
He's still got an upgraded bed, though, so my guess is that Jade attempted the Dreambot project, but simply didn't have the resources to complete it.
She also gave you these bedsheets when you were very young, which you adore, but only for sentimental reasons.
It looks like the only lusi depicted on Jake's bedsheets are the twelve we're already familiar with. That catlike silhouette in the center-bottom is a slight question mark, but I think it's supposed to be a very skinny Pounce De Leon.
I was going to ask where Jade got a bedsheet which references the Alternian Players, but then I remembered that her adoptive mother was an Alternian Player. Jade probably swiped some of her things on the way out, the cheeky minx.
You aren't too keen on monsters.
Yeesh, the Medium's not going to be much fun for our boy.
You'd expect an adventure-lover to be a lot more enthusiastic about fighting monsters, but I guess we all have our phobias. At least he has a ranged weapon, so he won't have to get up close and personal with his Underlings.
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A lot of these posters are fairly transparent references to Lord English. The Mummy alludes to the weird sarcophagus he summoned in his Intermission, Weekend at Bernie's is about corpse-puppeting someone like he did with Scratch, and The Incredible Hulk explains itself.
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Special shout out to this poster, though, which I'm pretty sure is literally titled Time-Travelling Demon. Subtle!
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legobiwan · 2 years ago
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I was rolling around this post in my brain, considering the manhole cover-shield scene and I had this...thought about a fun, semi-angsty off-screen scenario after the general hullabaloo from Bowser's incursion into Brooklyn has calmed down.
We know from the movie that Mario is injured during the final fight with Bowser, that he had a plethora of cuts and nasty bruises that would need attention. We also know from the movie that Luigi, our unhinged king, picked up a metal manhole cover to block fire.
Basic science would tell us that this manhole cover likely reached some excruciating temperatures rather quickly, and that Luigi's gloves/outfit (which, considering their junked-up van), were probably not the highest quality. Meaning, I have a feeling our green hero might have accumulated a few burn injuries and, given what we know about his character, might have neglected to say anything about this.
Anyway, cue Mario and Luigi getting ready for bed after the whole crazy day, and Luigi, who is so tired he isn't even thinking about what he's doing at this point, absently changing into his sleeping shirt. That's when Mario notices the burn marks. That's when Mario freaks out like the highly protective older brother he is.
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cursedcola · 1 year ago
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Prompt: "Will You Marry Me?" - Proposal Headcannons Characters: Everyone :) Part(s): Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde(here!), Diasomnia(Pt.1)(Pt.2) Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Warning(s): The relationship is kinda toxic because it's Idia and I have to be realistic - but it gets better as you read. Just know that there are themes of miscommunication, self-sabotage, self-neglect, and insecurity in both Idia and the MC. I gave him some character growth at least and some maturation to the character. Note: All Ignihyde has is Idia so I gave his piece some extra love(super long. Like, this isn't even considered a headcannon set anymore. I really went overboard, I'm so sorry). Not proofread for grammar since I'm a bit lazy right now. Also, I haven't finished his chapter in game because I'm too weak (seriously wtf is up with these fights). I know the plot mostly but forgive me if there's an inaccuracy in a reference
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Idia had it made during his youth - and deep down he knows it despite all his complaining. He knows that he won the introvert lottery. For three years he was able to live in a reclusive dorm room with no expectations beyond showing up to class (via a tablet of all things) and doing his work. Sure, he had to return home at some point and deal with that hot mess...but it was a displaced problem. One to be dealt with whenever. As a full-time 'student' he had junk food readily available, his brother down the hall, all the games and tech he needed, and somehow managed to land himself a loving partner despite his quirks.
The Ramshackle prefect - someone he initially wanted nothing to do with. Chaos seemed to follow their every move and Idia wanted no part of it. He never expected to come within a twenty-foot radius of them without force.
For the record, force indeed was used. Unfortunately they had a nasty habit of being nosy. Very 'main character complex' of them, if you ask him.
Yet it worked in his favor. Their stubbornness and intrusive ways wormed a place in his stone-cold heart. It fueled his ego much to everyone's chagrin. Out of everyone - princes, busy bodies, future doctors and the literal fish mafia - you picked him. The noob cursed to lose all his 50/50s and rot in bluelight. Idia seriously questions your tastes, but hey! He beat the normies and that's all he cares about.
Well, at least that's how he phrases it. Underneath that god-tier ego is an inferiority complex that he tries to keep down for your benefit. Something about your mood dipping by 20% when he talks trash? He'd need Ortho to run another test on that. Just to be safe.
Unfortunately, he still can't reign it in all the way. Victories can be temporary and who's he to say that your relationship isn't a one-shot story? Nothing worthwhile is ever that simple. Good games always get sequels...so the question lingers, will he still be a main character in yours?
When Idia graduates, he fully expects for you to walk out of his life. He returns to S.T.Y.X and leaves NRC to fulfill his role back home. You have no reason to care about him when he's no longer nearby. Life isn't like an isekai manga. You won't wait for him - no, you'll get a taste for how life is without him and indulge. Slowly you'll stop texting him, calling him, playing games with him - well, he'll do it first! He refuses to be the second male lead that gets dumped when you finally find your prince. That's for chumps.
He'd rather you just up and leave this world! At least then he wouldn't be in this pitiful situation...but he's seen that crow's shitty work ethic. You're stuck.
Idia's scared to say the least. One could say that his self sabotage was in action before your relationship even began. Old habits die hard, and no one could stop his spiral. Not even Ortho. Idia left his little brother behind as well. The boy sent him off with a smile, promising to take good care of you in his big brother's stead. After all, you both were in the same year.
It's not surprising that he reverts to his old ways. A hard battle is even more difficult to win when you don't have the motivation to fight it in the first place. Idia loses his drive...and in turn his already negative outlook grows worse.
Needless to say, Idia ... neglects you.
Your relationship has always been more of an 80:20 than a 50:50 - with him taking more than he ever gave. You always set aside time and made sure he was comfortable. You respected his anxieties and dealt with his temper on more than one occasion. His jealousy. You indulged his hobbies, always tried to include him in on activities with your friends (even though he rarely ever accepted), wore your heart on your sleeve and always took the lead. You were always too good to be true.
Two years. Two years with him at S.T.Y.X and you at NRC. Not a day passed where you did not text him or call. Not a week passed where you did not video-chat or play a game with him. You made time. You checked in. Told him stories about your life an friends. Ortho often would send him recordings and clips as well. During vacations you'd make plans to see him and always invited him to come to campus for events. Even though he never accepted, you still always offered. Throughout it all he kept you at a distance, yet unable to fully let you go at the same time. He needed you to do it. He needed his inner thoughts to shut up and to have someone else to blame.
You. You. You. When would you stop? Why weren't you tired of him yet? On a good day he can be frustrating, so how were you not mad when he was physically trying to make you hate him? Were you waiting until graduation to drop the bomb on him that you'd leave for good? On another's arm or back to your world?
Imagine his surprise when neither happened. On the dawn after Ortho's graduation ceremony, Idia came out of his cave to greet him at the S.T.Y.X entrance. He would no longer be as lonely, and perhaps without Ortho around, you'd finally put distance between yourself and the Shroud family. All would be as it should.
He did not expect to see you at the gate as well. Ortho flew up to him with a bright grin and twirl in the air - babbling on and on about how he arranged for you to come work as a research assistant in the lab. After all, you had an extensive knowledge of blot as well as field experience. It was a win-win situation for the company and your relationship! You could now be a happy family! Isn't that just amazing?
"It was extremally difficult to keep this a surprise!...Brother?" Ortho halts mid-rant, his receptors going haywire, "Brother, your heartrate has increased and your temperature is dropping below stable levels. You must regulate your breathing pattern!"
White noise rang like television static in Idia's eardrum. He watched you thank one of the guards while handing off your suitcase. His pulse increased and mind went under water. How long had it been since you were together longterm? You looked different. More mature. Meanwhile he was still the same - physically and emotionally. Still the pasty shut-in with dark eyebags and energy drinks running through his veins instead of blood. He wasn't used to seeing you in person. How should he react? Should he hug you? Do you want him to? That's weird. He hasn't held you in a while - yeah, it would be creepy. Does he even deserve to? What made you want to work here anyways?! You could have gone anywhere. ANYWHERE. - Shit. You're looking this way. What should he do?! aHH! You're walking over!
He does what he knows best. Shuts down. You receive a disgraceful greeting. No affection. Not even a smile.
Idia's brow furrows at your approach and he buries his hands deep into the pockets of his lab-coat. When you lean in to kiss his cheek, he catches you by the forearms and holds you in place. "Since when were you going to work here? You do remember what S.T.Y.X is in charge of, right? Once you're in, there's no going back. Are you a masochist or something?" Ah. There goes the heartfelt reunion. Being home did bring out a more harsh and cut-throat side of him after all.
Despite his poor treatment, you don't react upset. Now the relationship has now become something of a 90 : 10. He knows you have no reason to come here other than for Ortho and himself. You really are an Otome protagonist, jeez. Willing to do all that for him? Giving up your future and friends just to be at his side...dammit. Don't give him hopes! Don't undo all the work he's put in to survive without you! Stop welcoming misfortune for his sake! You're stupid. Stupidstupidstupid .... man he loves that stupidity. Gods he missed it.
Shit. Not even an hour in and he's reverting.
You don't realize it but you're heading straight for a bad ending. He does though. He's read the guides and played more visual novels than he can count. As a pro, he needs to steer you off this villainy ending and towards the true route.
After all ... what was that one saying? Heroes will sacrifice you for the world, while Villans will sacrifice the world for you? He heard it from some normie bookworm...but it seems fitting right now.
Idia's no hero. He'll destroy his world if it means you get to be happy. Not that he had much of one to begin with. You...gave him a life beyond fiction while all he's offered is a curse. Literally and figuratively. Its time he returned what he so greedily stole. He'll make you move on through force.
The months are slow and difficult. Despite being nearby, Idia only ever seeks you out for work-related reasons. Even then he is very cold and dismissive . He also does not turn you away when you take the initiative. Just like old times, you linger around his room and prod him for attention. He wants you to leave, but also doesn't want to be cruel. So, he maintains this impassive position and lets you do whatever you please. Yet the situation is scarily similar to how you both were at NRC. Except instead of using his past as an excuse, he now uses your work dynamic to enable his noncommittal ways.
There really is only so much one person can take. After Idia left NRC, you pinned his switch in behavior on the lifestyle change and distance separating you both. You knew Idia would be someone you had to work hard for when you started to date, and so the situation was one you viewed as an obstacle to overcome. The solution was simple - you would go to S.T.Y.X and prove to him that you were willing to make it work. Without the physical distance, you hoped that he would let you in again. That you wouldn't have to hear reassurances from his brother anymore, and instead hear his feelings from his own mouth instead. Then you both could work out the details together in time. Seeing him reject you at first was discouraging, but you did not let it rest there. Perhaps he needed time and to get used to your presence in his home. After all, these were new waters. You would be patient. You would prove yourself capable.
Life becomes a time capsule. As the days went by, a bitter feeling grew in your stomach. Why wouldn't he laugh? Why wouldn't he look in your eyes anymore? Why is he retreating even further? What were you doing wrong? How could you fix it? Is it you? Your performance in the lab is outstanding according to your supervisors, and your work friends seem to find you agreeable enough. Can't he see that you've adjusted well and are happy here? There's nothing to worry about. How else can you prove yourself?
These thoughts plague your mind to an extend that Ortho felt the need to preform psychiatric evaluation. You dismissed his concerns with a long list of things about your new home that make you happy - including him. It pacifies his panic and somehow mitigates your own as well.
Until one fateful day, when you decided to take your lunch early and overheard a conversation between two senior S.T.Y.X employees
"Isn't the boss' partner kind of pitiful?" One technician spoke in a hush whisper, taking a bite from her salad, "He doesn't give them the time of day. I can't believe they've stuck around this long. Screw the job, I would have been out after the first week," "Shhh! Quit gossiping, it's bad. Especially about the one who pays our bills," The other scolds. "I know....but isn't it just sad. They're clearly being taken advantage of. I can't help but feel sorry" "It's not just you...to tell the truth, I had no clue Director Idia had a partner up until recently. If anything, I thought he disliked Assistant MC and kept them around for Director Ortho's sake. Imagine my shock..." They both snicker at the notion. "Yeah. I give them a few more months...maybe a year. Despite being smart in the lab, they clearly can't read the room:
It was the last straw. Like ice water being dunked over your head after a hot shower. The lunch pale in your grasp suddenly felt like it weighed ten times heavier, and a cold sweat dripped down your back. They were right. He didn't want you here. It was time to move on or else you'll just be living out an endless loop. Nothing has changed since your youth aside from the location. No matter how long you wait, no matter how much effort and time you offer ... the relationship is doomed to fail. You gave him everything...and it was time to stop waiting. To stop expecting and hoping. Time to accept reality.
Your lunch goes discarded in a nearby bin and your shift abandoned. You would not work another second for S.T.Y.X despite the facility not being the source of your anguish. Your shoes clack loudly against the tile flooring as you speed-walk to Idia's office, where he was lazily reviewing data on a recent experiment. His phone set off to the side with some automated gatcha daily playing.
You use your 'special' pass (curtesy of ortho) to get in. The metal door swings out as you march inside and turn off his screen without asking.
"H-h'-hey! What are you-" He shrieks and turns in his chair. "We need to talk" "Can't it wait until later? I'm busy working, if you can't tell" "No" Your tone is demanding. Definite. You all but yank the badge from around your neck and drop it in his lap. In that motion, he knew. Your eyes scrunch tight and teeth grind together. He was prepared for this. For you to lash out and yell at him for your suffering. Make him the bad guy in your story and finally beat the game for good. Not for you to deflate. Not for the glassy, disappointed stain on your eyes. Or the shallow breaths as you calm yourself - not letting your emotions frighten him like a spooked cat. "I'm quitting," "S.T.Y.X? You know you can't just quit. There's a process," He refutes, lazily pushing his chair back with an anxious fidget. "Not just S.T.Y.X...I'm quitting us. I can't do this anymore," "Oh. Alright. Let me get the paperwork," "Alright?" You whisper, gaping at him "...just alright? That's all you have to say to me? Not even 'why' ?" He pauses typing on a holographic keyboard, cocking an eyebrow at the question. "What? You want me to beg you to stay or something like that? We're not in an anime," His words die out at the end, and had it not been for your disbelief you would have caught the note of sadness in them, "you want to go? Then go. I warned you about this place" "No...you warned me about the facility. It's not the facility I have a problem with. I actually like it here" "So it's me then, huh? I warned you about that too," He grumbles and continues to type, "I'm not whatever it is that you saw in me. It's your fault for sticking it out this long. I knew this was how it would end from the start" A silence follows aside from the occasional noise from his computer. That's it. The nail in the coffin. You finally realized the truth. He was no good for you. He couldn't be 'fixed'. With an approving chime, he finally has all the departure paperwork pulled up for you to sign. "Alright. Sign these and I'll get you an escort," He holds out a tablet in pen without looking from his computer. You don't take it. "Hello? I said - " he turns to face you, irritated "....here" Silent tears stream down your cheeks and pool at the tip of your chin, dripping to the tile below. Wide eyes lock in his general direction. Your hands tremble slightly at your sides, as if your mind was thousands of miles away. His heart breaks. "You never even gave us a chance, did you?" He says nothing. "It wasn't about 'making it work' for you. It was always a matter of 'how long'. You've been waiting for me to leave you, all this time?" It wasn't a question. "All this time, I've been trying to prove myself. I've been thinking that I did something wrong...that I needed to be better" the word stings your tongue and seems to strike him, " but I was never even close to enough" we were never enough
With languid movements, you take the pen from him and sign the papers. You would not hide your sadness. Your grief. Your pain for a relationship that was never actually one. For a battle that only had one party fighting.
He lets you go, the metal door swinging shut and rattling him to his core. Idia's hands shake as he tries to return to his work. They tremble over the holographic keyboard, making his blue nails look like moving neon streaks in the air.
He had always thought you ere just being kind. That your self-sacrificing nature was natural, and that someone else was more deserving of it. He failed to consider the possibility that all the things you did...you did for him alone. You did out of the same anxieties and fears he felt.
In a way, you both were at fault. He led himself down a self-fulfilling prophecy - letting his anxieties and what-ifs become reality. And you? You thought everything could be fixed with time. With sacrifice. That eventually he would grow. You both were plants, one overwatered and the other left parched in the sun.
He did get one thing right. This was defiantly a bad end. Just not in the way he originally believed...
Somehow, life becomes worse than before you arrived at S.T.Y.X. At least when you were around, people did see him more out of his office or room. Seeing him revert to his previous ways without so much as an inkling of sadness for losing you....yeah, it did not look good. Worse than people not even knowing you were his partner at first. After your departure, rumors began to spread that you had finally snapped. The pity felt for you morphed into judgement towards his character. Others saw him as a heartless recluse, and the pity was extended to Ortho of all things. If Idia could toss out a loyal partner of years, what about the little robot? Perhaps despite all the gossip, the others at S.T.Y.X did not fully believe that he would let you leave so easily. That he wasn't as detached as the Shroud name dictates.
Little do they know that he's become a shadow of his former self. He can't even act self-depreciative. Pleasantries don't hit like they used to. Having you at a distance...well, was still considered as being with you. Now that you're never coming back, it's harder. Everything reminds him of you. Your favorite snacks are still stocked in the cafeteria, and there are blankets in his room that still have your scent. Occasionally a file will pop up with your work in it while he's doing reviews...and then there's Ortho. When you left, he was crushed. He pestered Idia for days - the security cameras giving him full knowledge of what happened. Yet no matter what the robot said about the situation, Idia didn't want to hear it. Eventually he took away Ortho's access data to his personal spaces.
That didn't stop the bot from talking through the door and spamming his brother's inboxes. Despite cutting off contact with his big brother, you still spoke to Ortho regularly. He refused to let his big brother lose all connection to you, and updated him on your well-being. Regardless of what Idia said, hearing about you made a difference. At first it increases his anxiety and drops his mood...but every time, like a scheduled delay, his serotonin levels will spike. Be it from a clip of your voice, a picture, or even just the mention of your name.
"Brother! I just finished a call with MC. Today they decided to adopt a cat! Would you like to see a picture?" His computer beeps with an incoming missive. Idia clicks it, and the screen displays a photo of you with a small white kitten in your arms. "They've decided to name it Grimm Jr. From what I heard, the predecessor was not pleased to be 'replaced,' as he calls it" Ortho laughs from the other side of the door, but Idia is too focused on the image on his screen. The curve in your smile and the way you gently cradle the kitten. You seem...happy. Much better than how he is doing. He fails to hear the door beep, granting access, neither the bot fly up next to him to look at the picture. "Big brother, why don't you apologize to MC? They would listen," Idia startles, clutching his chest as his hair flairs cherry red for a brief moment. He swivels in his chair and closes the image quickly. "I'm not apologizing for nothing. It's not like I miss them or anything. My life's great without having a normie relationship to manage" "Your body language suggests that you are lying" Ortho states, his eyes squinting cheekily. Idia hunches over, glaring at his keyboard and fiddling with his sleeves, "It's not like they'd want to see me anyways. I blew it. Only an idiot would forgive what I did," "That's not true! MC loves you!" Idia glares at him from the corner of his eye, "Yeah? They look pretty happy without me. They were miserable here" "Because you purposefully made them miserable! You are very smart brother, but even I understand emotions better than you and I am an artificial lifeform!" "Then what should I do, Ortho? Go beg them to take me back like some cringe sitcom?!" "Yes!" Idia blanches at the thought, but doesn't entirely dismiss it. Ortho glares holes into his head, causing Idia to shrink into his chair. "You are always afraid, brother. You lost them to your fears once...do you want to regret that? Are you really satisfied with pictures and stories? Why deny yourself wonderful things! We are not trapped anymore!"
Ortho leaves him with one piece of information - an apartment address. He sends it to all of Idia's emails and even somehow makes it the background of his tablet. He can't change it or take it off.
He stares at it long and hard. Searches the place up and even uses virtual reality to scope out the building. While perhaps a bit creepy...he hacks the security cameras and watches feed of you coming and going over the past moths. Some days you look perfectly well, and others you look worse for wear. If he went...would you even want to see him? Would you let him in? Kick him out? Is he willing to even try? What if you already moved on...no, Ortho wouldn't set him up for that if he knew you were happy with someone else.
Idia leaves S.T.Y.X for the first time in months. His request for leave shocks other employees. Yet he's gone the moment it's approved, afraid that he'll lose his edge if he thinks too long on it.
He finds himself at the door of a middle-class apartment in the Kingdom of Roses. Second floor, third door to the left, just like he memorized. He knows its yours from the ribbons tied on the doorknob, themed after one of your favorite animes. One he introduced to you...
In his hands is a small box of candies - a peace offering, just in case you want to kill him on sight.
His boney knuckles wrap around the doorknocker and thwack it three times. Sweat pools in his palms and he jolts away. The seconds like hours as his painted nails dig crescents into his palms. The door opens. "Hi, how can I -" You pause mid-sentence, your mouth going dry. Grimm Jr. snuggled in one of your arms while the other holds the door open, "I-idia?" "T-that's my name," He grimaces, looking anywhere but at you. "What are you doing here?" His tongue feels heavy and the tips of his hair fade to a pale orange. He studders and fumbles with the box of candies, holding them out to you with a grimace. "I wanted to see you...urk. I hope that's not weird! Can ... I come in?" You eye the box in thought, before reaching out to take it and opening the door further. It was a start.
You hear him out - through the stuttering and the self-depreciative comments that he hastily retracts. This isn't just about him. It's about you and everything else in-between. Shockingly enough, you agree to give him a second chance. It wasn't entirely his fault after all ... and you did still love him. Although now there are ground rules. You would not be returning to S.T.Y.X. You've finally created a stable home for yourself and have a life in this new city. You have a career, friends, and a life that doesn't include him. You need the individuality. You would no longer try to morph yourself for him or be placid. If he wanted to spend time with you, he would have to leave S.T.Y.X and come stay at your apartment. You would no longer be the one always reaching out, he would have to start showing initiative and making time for you. You would see how things progress from that point. He was not a child, and you would not beg for basic needs to be met anymore. Words would not be enough, you need actions. It was time for 50 : 50.
Weirdly enough, he agrees to all your rules without a single complaint. Not a normie comment or slang filled statement leaves his lips. He's still that nerdy dork you fell in love with at heart, but these 'normie' things? Well, Idia's accepted that he wants those things. As much as it is difficult for him to admit, they only grossed him out so much before because he always believed they were unattainable
He's true to his word. He calls you every day, first thing when he wakes up (in the late afternoon. He still is a hermit at heart). At first it made him anxious, and he'd hover over the contact for fifteen minutes before dialing. Yet it soon became easy, with his heart only beating fast from happiness. He takes the weekends off and comes to spend them at your apartments. Sometimes he brings Ortho and it becomes a sleepover with games - and at some point you start inviting your other heartslabyul friends from back in the day too. Eventually you do come around the compound again. It's awkward to say the least, considering how you left. Yet at the same time, it's a breath of fresh air. The others are shocked to see him out of his office, and he eats IN THE CAFETERIA. Woah. He calls you by your name and not 'assistant' when in public. Homie scares some people. That's what he does. He gives you a special watch for your anniversary. It's paired with on he has and solar powered, so you can contact him at any time. As a natural born worry-wart, he can't help but worry for your safety. Since watching the appartment CCTV is 'creepy,' he just asks that you wear the watch if you're going out anywhere. It won't die and with the click of a button he'll be alerted. In exchange, you can use it to contact him whenever you want. He'll always get back instantly since it might be an emergency. The watch is also directly linked to Ortho's system, so you can contact him as well. Who needs Cortana when you have Ortho?
For the first time, Idia feels secure in a relationship. He can't count Ortho since the boy is technically his creation. Ortho would always be there...and now? Idia's confident you will too.
Does that mean you should get married? Isn't that the next step in all this?
Well....shit (pleasant connotation)
He never would have tinkered with this idea before considering his 'family'. Who the hell in their right mind would marry a Shroud? A fool. Are you a fool? Maybe.
It's late evening on a Sunday night when you're both walking home together after hitting up a local diner for hearty eats. Wow. Look at him. On a date. So weird...pshh.
Idia walks at your side, forcing his pace to match yours. Not everyone is graced with his long stickman legs. His hands are buried deep in his hoodie and his posture is slightly slouched. Classic scary dog privilege for a nighttime walk - well, if his hair didn't scream valentine's day pink to the world. Although no one else has flaming hair other than the Shroud family, so he doubts anyone would interrupt.
You decide to take the long path home and through a nearby park. The night was still young for nightowls such as yourselves, and fresh air was always crisp at this hour.
Along that path you decide to stop at a cement bench by some vending machines and chill out for a bit. Despite having just ate, Idia gets you each a can of coffee.
He'd be leaving to go back to S.T.Y.X tomorrow. Like he does every Sunday. His gaze drifts to the watch on your wrist and thinks about adding some new features - maybe video chat? So he can see you throughout the day. He wonders what you'll be up to while he's stuck in the lab. Maybe you'll go shopping, or play a new game. Maybe you'll try out a new recipe or take Grimm Jr. out to play. He wishes he could see you during the week.
Ah. You're talking. He should probably tune in or you'll get mad at him. Why's it so hard to focus? He hasn't felt this uneasy in a while...
Why is he having these kinds of thoughts? It's weird.
"You okay? You seem a little spaced," You pull him from his thoughts, a concerned crease wrinkling your temple. "Eh. It's nothing. Just not looking forward to the week," he chuckles weakly. "I know that feeling. It's always a bummer when you dip. Not to sound clingy or anything" His golden hues spark for a moment, a pale pink dusting his cheeks as he whips his head to look at you.
"W-wait - really? I was just thinking the same thing...." "You were?" "Yeah. It's...kind of weird without you. Everything's emptier. Wow. That was pretty cringe. Sorry." He grimaces, internally screaming and knowing that this was going to replay when he tried to sleep later. You tilt your head at him, a slight frown on the cusp of your lip. Something tickles at his fingers and he looks down to see you lace your hand with his. "I miss you too," your words are soft. Genuine. He feels his neck grow hot, the pink glow radiating off him betraying him. Idia looks between your interlaced fingers and the drink in his hand. There...wouldn't ever be a 'right' time for this. Would there? You've waited long enough. He pulls his hand away and pops the soda tab off with deft hands.
"Hey..." he twiddles with the soda tab in his hands, "on a scale of 1-10, how are my odds of getting a yes?" "A 'yes' to what?" "To this, " he sighs through his nose, holding the tab out towards you with a shaking hand, "will you marry me?"
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{A soda tab from canned coffee. Not the most charming offering, and it barely fits around your pinky finger. Yet, Idia's always been impulsive at his core. Had he not acted in the moment, he likely would have ran countless possibilities over and over in his mind. While not your forever ring, the tab will remain a sentimental piece}
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{Idia is not a man with a keen eye fore jewelry - but he knows quality. Combine his eye for perfection with his craftsmanship and behold - a ring made from purified blot. The center gem is a piece of magestone in it's most refined state. The band is titanium and there are small sapphires along the molding. Since he would be wearing a matching band, Idia decided to keep the design simple. He prefers functionality over all. Yet he does want you to feel proud of his handiwork, so he includes vintage molding on your band only. He wears a smooth black band on his ring finger, and never removes it}
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starshideurfics · 1 month ago
Text
Off the Deep End
part one
steddie, omegaverse, cw: underage, scentmates, mdni 🔞
Newly-presented omega Steve comes back to school at the end of his freshman year, walks past Eddie’s locker and the scent makes him slick his pants so much it looks like he pissed himself. His math teacher takes pity on him and sends him to the nurse’s office.
Eddie is also in the nurse’s office—some jocks jumped him—where he’s waiting with a bloody nose and a black eye developing.
Steve mewls when he realizes he found the source of the scent, slick running down his leg.
Eddie can’t smell so well, on account of the bloody nose, but he’s suddenly got a lapful of horny freshman. Steve is moaning, “Alpha!” all pathetic and needy and rubbing his leaking pussy through four layers over Eddie’s soft cock.
Eddie looks like he pissed himself by the time Steve is pulled off; the nurse actually has to call the gym teachers for help since every time she tries to get Steve to stop molesting Eddie he growls at her. It takes two full grown alphas to pull Steve from Eddie’s lap and into the little room with a cot at the side of the nurse’s office.
She’s already called Steve’s mother.
She has Eddie call home too, and he tries to get her to let him walk home, but she insists that he needs to be released to a parent or guardian.
Wayne sounds tired when he answers, obviously woken by the phone ringing. Eddie only tells him about the bloody nose, and his uncle says he’ll be there soon.
Eddie may not be able to smell, but Wayne sure can. He doesn’t ask beyond a simple, “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“No one else hurt?”
“I kneed Chris Baker in the junk…”
“Chet Baker’s boy is an asswipe, like his daddy. But none of your… friends were in the fight, too?”
“Wayne! It wasn’t a fight!”
“Okay. We’ll get some frozen peas on that eye when we get home, you can lay down for a bit.”
💦💦💦
Mrs. Harrington is MORTIFIED when she picks up Steve from school.
Steve is half-feral and inconsolable because his alpha is gone.
It makes it easy for his pediatrician to proscribe strong blockers.
Steve can barely scent anyone at school the next day. Lucky for him, Eddie spent the night huffing the slick stains on his jeans and jerking off until his dick was chafed.
He brings Steve a perfect rock, flecked with pyrite, and asks if he wants to go to the movies that weekend.
Steve wears a skirt for the first time on their movie date, and pays no attention to Friday the 13th Part 2 because Eddie fingers him through the whole thing.
Steve soaks Eddie’s hand and the theater seat, and they sneak out as quickly as they can before the credits roll because of the mess.
💦💦💦
Steve loses his virginity in the flatbed of Wayne Munson’s pickup truck.
Eddie borrowed it for their first date of the summer, as soon as Steve got back from the fancy, omegas only sleep-away camp his parents insisted upon sending him to, hoping time away would end his obsession with the Munson boy.
It clearly didn’t work.
Steve wrote Eddie a letter every week for six weeks. He also grew an inch a week. He came home almost as tall as Eddie, giggling with delight when Eddie picked him up and he realized he had to bend his head down to settle his nose to the smoky-spicy scent gland at his neck.
Eddie takes Steve to Benny’s for burgers, both of them fighting their teenage metabolisms, splitting a massive plate of chili-cheese fries, and getting malts—strawberry for Eddie, a black and white for Steve.
Benny’s working, the gruff omega has a soft spot for Wayne, and by extension for Eddie. He brings them a piece of his mama’s peanut butter pie, on the house, and Steve makes the most unintentionally pornographic moans when he takes his first bite.
Eddie pays the bill, and after tip he has $3.27 to his name. He’s gonna need a job, since half a summer of extra chores got him one dinner date.
Eddie considers driving to the quarry, but he knows the cops patrol there pretty regularly.
The truck has all-wheel drive, so he commits and drives into a little, well-hidden clearing in the woods. He’s fully planning to stick to kissing and hand stuff, but Steve crawls into his lap & hits the horn with his ass, startling them both.
“We should move somewhere with more space,” he mumbles against Steve’s lips.
“Okay,” Steve agrees breathlessly.
Pushing open the door, they carefully climb down from the cab, the ground is a bit wet, and there’s a patch that looks suspiciously like poison ivy. Eddie leads them to the back of the pickup, and gives Steve a hand up into the truck bed.
He spreads out his jacket and guides Steve to lay back on it, protecting his head. He’s still planning to just kiss for now, but Steve’s fingers go straight to Eddie’s belt buckle.
“Please, Eddie,” he whines, biting his lip and looking up at Eddie with heavy-lidded eyes. “Need you.”
Steve brings Eddie’s hand down to press against his crotch, to feel how wet he is already, how badly he wants this.
Eddie nods, struggles to swallow, having to remind himself to breathe, and pulls out his wallet for the condom he’s kept there since he presented and Wayne bought him a box.
He manages to get his whole dick in before he blows his wad, but barely.
Steve doesn’t mind. He clings to Eddie, kisses him. His first time is still good—still special—because it’s with his alpha. With Eddie.
And next time will be better.
💦💦💦
Steve spends the rest of the summer wet.
Mostly, it’s because he’s swimming, in the pool every day to build his stamina, to perfect his kickoff from the wall at turns, to see how long he can hold his breath.
The rest of the time is because he’s with Eddie.
He has to wear a pad when he’s around his. boyfriend.
It’s embarrassing, he’s sure everyone can see the outline of it beneath his khakis, and it feels like wearing a diaper. But it’s better than the wet spot that will seep through his crotch.
The first time he wears one on a date, Steve blushes when Eddie’s hands stray down to his bottom.
“What’s the matter, Puppy?” Eddie asks, moving his hand back up to the safety of his waist. “You’ve never been shy before.”
Steve shakes his head, blush deepening, his cheeks burning as he hides his face against Eddie’s neck. “I’m too much,” he whispers, repeating his mother’s words. “A freak.”
She’d said it when she picked Steve up from school after the first incident. Said it to his pediatrician. Said it when he can back from camp. Said it when she harshly placed the box of pads on his desk.
Said it when he had to wash his sheets for the third time that week after waking in a puddle.
Eddie smiles. Steve can feel it, the muscles lifting where his temple is pressed to Eddie’s chin. Can smell it in his scent. “Then I guess we’ll be freaks together, because there is no way you can be too much for me.” He kisses Steve’s hair, lets his hand slide back down to cup his butt and squeeze.
Moaning, Steve feels a gush of slick from his needy pussy. It’s safely caught by the thick pad, slimy wetness trapped against him, rubbing into his skin.
He hates it and he loves it.
He presses his legs together, trying to will away the sticky, chafing feeling against his sensitive bits.
“I just wish I could control myself around you. Just a little. Because all this is just for you,” Steve whispers.
“Guess we’ve gotta practice then,” Eddie says, squeezing his ass again. “Lots of practice to get you in control.”
Steve nips just to the side of Eddie’s mating gland, loves the spike of scent it causes, feels more slick flow from his pussy.
Eddie must smell it, how ripe and strong Steve’s scent is, and he chuckles, guiding Steve’s lips up to meet his. “And until then, we’ll find things to help.”
Steve nods as he pulls back from the kiss. “I’ve got one already.”
Holding Steve still by his hips, Eddie steps back and looks down between them, sees how dry his shorts are. Technically, they’re in public, at a park, but no one is close to the little warming house that only gets used in winter.
Eddie’s touch is gentle as he cups Steve’s crotch, more gliding over the fabric at first. Then he presses up, feels the squish as he pushes the pad into Steve’s mound.
The blush is back, but Eddie’s dark eyes have become impossibly darker. “It’s just for me, right, Puppy?” he whines, suddenly desperate too.
“Show me. Show me what your perfect pussy’s been up to, how it’s begging for me.”
Steve doesn’t think, just undoes his fly and pulls down his shorts and panties, a string of slick connecting his lips to the puddle in his pad. His little cock twitches at being exposed, and Eddie drops to his knees.
Part two
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urdreamydoodles · 2 months ago
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how about scott, logan, colossus, jean, storm, hank, and wanda with a wild child reader, this is a kid who doesn’t know the meaning of structure or discipline. They are the epitome of skateboarder who live in a basement who survives on nothing but greasy new york pizza( they eat nothing but junk food and take out) . A kid who is constantly coming home bruised and bleeding from wild stunts. Its not even they’re fault they have the kind of neglectful parents that are like i dont care what you do as long as you don't bother me, so they chose to have absolute freedom
X-Men x Child!Reader
You are a wild kid due to your parents' neglect
Characters: Logan Howlett, Remy LeBeau, Kurt Wagner, Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Ororo Munroe, Colossus, Hank McCoy, Erik Lehnsherr, Wanda Maximoff
Logan Howlett aka. Wolverine
- You first meet Logan when he pulls you out of a scuffle in a dingy alley, your knuckles bloodied from throwing punches at a group of older kids who deserved it for being jerks. His gruff voice cuts through the tension, "What the hell are you doin', kid?" You shrug, brushing past him like he’s just another stranger trying to lecture you. But Logan isn’t just anyone, and the next time he catches you doing something reckless—trying to ride your skateboard off a railing—you realize you’re not shaking him off so easily.
- Logan quickly learns that you’re a wild spirit, one who doesn’t know when to stop. Your bruises and scratches only fuel his frustration. “You think you’re indestructible, huh?” he growls after dragging you to the mansion with your arm in a makeshift sling. “Guess what? You ain’t.” His tough love feels invasive at first, but there’s a strange warmth to it. Maybe because, deep down, you can tell he actually cares, unlike anyone else in your life.
- Despite his grumbling, Logan becomes your shadow. He’s there when you wipe out attempting a trick and nearly break your ankle. He’s the one hauling you to Hank for first aid when you stumble back to the mansion with a bloody nose. "One of these days, you're gonna kill yourself, and I ain’t buryin' a kid," he grumbles, but his actions betray his words. The way he watches you so intently, like he’s trying to figure you out, makes you feel… seen.
- One day, after Logan drags you out of another scrape, you snap. “Why do you even care?!” you yell, your voice cracking. “You don’t know what it’s like to not have anyone!” Logan’s face hardens, and for a moment, you think you’ve hit a nerve. “You’re wrong, kid,” he says, his tone unusually soft. Later, you overhear him talking to Charles about you. "They remind me of me. Don’t know how to stop fightin’ ‘cause they never had anyone to fight for ‘em."
- Logan starts teaching you how to channel your energy into something productive. “If you’re gonna take risks, at least do it smart,” he grunts, handing you a pair of gloves to protect your hands. He shows you how to defend yourself properly, how to pick your battles. It’s not just about fighting—it’s about self-control, something he knows all too well. And while you hate admitting it, his lessons actually stick.
- The breakthrough comes when you stumble into his room late at night, tears streaming down your face after a nightmare. You hate showing weakness, but Logan doesn’t push. He just sits with you, his presence steady and grounding. “You’re not alone, kid,” he says quietly. “Not anymore.” It’s the first time you realize that maybe, just maybe, you have someone in your corner.
- Over time, you start seeing Logan as more than the grumpy guy who keeps saving your ass. He’s your protector, your mentor, your family. When he gruffly hands you a plate of food during a mansion barbecue and tells you to “eat somethin’ that ain’t junk,” you laugh. He rolls his eyes but doesn’t hide the small smirk tugging at his lips. You’re still a wild child, but now you’ve got someone who understands—and who won’t let you face the world alone.
Remy LeBeau aka. Gambit
- You meet Remy when you’re caught sneaking onto the mansion grounds, trying to pull off some ridiculous stunt involving fireworks and a ramp. Instead of ratting you out, he smirks, intrigued by your audacity. “You got guts, kid,” he says, his Cajun accent dripping with charm. “But guts won’t save you from bein’ stupid.” He’s more amused than annoyed, but you get the feeling he’s watching you now—and not just because you nearly burned the lawn down.
- Remy quickly picks up on your chaotic energy and reckless behavior. “You remind me of a younger me,” he teases, tossing a playing card between his fingers. “All fire, no plan.” At first, you think he’s mocking you, but there’s a glint in his eye that suggests he gets it. He sees through your bravado, recognizing the pain you’re trying to bury under all your stunts and defiance.
- Unlike Logan, Remy doesn’t try to stop you outright. Instead, he plays along, meeting you where you’re at. He even joins you in some of your escapades, though he always makes sure to keep things from getting too out of hand. “If you gonna be crazy, at least do it with style,” he says, flipping his trench coat dramatically as he guides you away from trouble.
- One day, after you’ve crashed spectacularly and are nursing a busted knee, Remy sits beside you with an uncharacteristically serious expression. “You don’t gotta live like dis, y’know,” he says softly. “Runnin’ wild ain’t freedom—it’s just a way to hide.” His words hit harder than you’d like to admit, and for the first time, you let yourself wonder if he might be right.
- Remy starts teaching you his tricks—not just the flashy card stuff, but how to think ahead, how to read people, how to stay one step ahead of the chaos. “Life’s a game, cher,” he says, his voice light but his gaze sharp. “And you gotta learn how to play it.” You soak up his lessons, not realizing until later that he’s been guiding you toward something more stable all along.
- The turning point comes when you call Remy late one night, scared and unsure after a particularly bad fight with your parents. He doesn’t hesitate, showing up within minutes and whisking you away to his favorite rooftop hideout. “Ain’t no shame in needin’ help, kid,” he says, his tone uncharacteristically gentle. For the first time, you let yourself lean on someone else.
- Remy becomes your anchor, your partner in crime, and your found family all rolled into one. He still teases you endlessly, but there’s a warmth to it now, a sense of belonging you’ve never had before. And when he hands you a deck of cards and says, “You’re one of us now,” you know he means it.
Kurt Wagner aka. Nightcrawler
- You meet Kurt when he teleports into the middle of one of your stunts, startling you so badly you nearly fall off the scaffolding you’d been climbing. “Mein Gott, what are you doing up here?” he exclaims, grabbing you before you can tumble to the ground. Despite your protests, he doesn’t let go until you’re safely on solid ground. “You are going to give me a heart attack!”
- Kurt is immediately concerned by your recklessness, but his approach is softer than the others. “Why do you put yourself in such danger, mein freund?” he asks, his golden eyes full of genuine worry. You brush him off at first, but his kindness is disarming. He doesn’t scold you; he just wants to understand.
- It doesn’t take long for Kurt to realize that your behavior stems from more than just a thirst for adrenaline. When you accidentally let slip a comment about your neglectful parents, he connects the dots. “No one should feel like they have to fend for themselves,” he says quietly. His words linger, echoing in your mind long after he’s gone.
- Kurt becomes a constant presence in your life, always ready with a kind word or a helping hand. He patches you up after your latest mishap, his touch gentle as he bandages your scraped knees. “You have so much potential,” he tells you, his tone earnest. “Do not waste it on proving yourself to people who do not care.” His faith in you is both comforting and terrifying.
- He introduces you to the quiet joys of his world—stargazing from the mansion’s roof, reading old adventure novels, sharing stories from his travels. Slowly, you begin to see that life doesn’t have to be a constant whirlwind of chaos. There’s beauty in stillness, too, and Kurt shows you how to find it.
- The breakthrough comes during a particularly bad night when you show up at his door, trembling and unsure how to explain the weight you’re carrying. Kurt doesn’t push; he simply listens, his quiet empathy wrapping around you like a warm embrace. “You are not alone,” he says softly. “And you never will be, as long as I am here.”
- Over time, Kurt becomes more than just a mentor—he’s your family. His unwavering belief in you helps you believe in yourself, and his gentle guidance gives you the strength to start healing. When he tells you, “You are like a sibling to me,” you feel a warmth you’ve never known before.
Scott Summers aka. Cyclops
- You meet Scott after he catches you skateboarding through the mansion’s hallways, narrowly avoiding a collision with Jean. “What do you think you’re doing?!” he demands, his tone sharp. You roll your eyes, unimpressed by his authority, but Scott doesn’t back down. “This isn’t a playground,” he says firmly. “If you’re going to be here, you need to follow the rules.”
- Scott’s strict demeanor grates on you, and you go out of your way to push his buttons. Every time he tells you to stop doing something, you double down, your defiance fueling his frustration. “You can’t just do whatever you want,” he says one day, his voice rising. “This isn’t about control—it’s about keeping you safe!”
- Despite his exasperation, Scott can’t help but worry about you. He starts noticing the bruises, the late-night returns, the way you flinch whenever someone mentions your parents. “Is everything okay at home?” he asks gently, his concern breaking through his usual stoicism. You brush him off, but his question lingers in your mind.
- Scott eventually realizes that his strict approach isn’t working, so he tries a different tactic. He starts showing up at the skate park, watching from a distance as you pull off tricks. “You’ve got talent,” he admits grudgingly. “But talent doesn’t mean much if you don’t take care of yourself.” His rare praise catches you off guard, and you start seeing him in a new light.
- He begins mentoring you, teaching you the value of discipline and structure. “It’s not about following orders,” he explains. “It’s about having a plan, knowing what you’re fighting for.” His lessons are tough, but they resonate, and you find yourself striving to meet his expectations—not because you have to, but because you want to.
- The turning point comes when Scott finds you sitting alone in the mansion’s garden, your usual bravado stripped away. “I don’t know how to fix this,” you admit, your voice shaking. Scott sits beside you, his presence steady and reassuring. “You don’t have to do it alone,” he says quietly. “We’re here for you—I’m here for you.”
- Scott becomes a pillar in your life, someone you can rely on no matter what. His unwavering support gives you the strength to face your demons, and his belief in you helps you start believing in yourself. When he calls you “family,” it’s the first time the word feels real, and you know you’ve finally found a place where you belong.
Jean Grey aka. Marvel Girl / Phoenix
- You meet Jean when you crash into her during a particularly reckless skateboard trick, nearly sending her coffee flying. She catches it with her telekinesis, raising an eyebrow as she looks you over. “Impressive landing,” she says dryly. “But maybe next time, try not to take me out with you.” Her calm demeanor throws you off, but you can’t help noticing the faint amusement in her smile.
- Jean quickly picks up on your chaotic nature—not just from your antics, but because your mind is loud, a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that practically scream for attention. “You don’t have to prove anything to anyone,” she tells you one day after catching you sneaking out for another dangerous stunt. Her words linger, even if you act like they don’t matter.
- She doesn’t confront you as directly as others might, but her presence is constant. She starts showing up in subtle ways—inviting you to sit with her during meals, offering to help patch you up after a bad fall, or simply listening when you’re too tired to pretend everything’s fine. Jean has a knack for making you feel seen, even when you’re trying to disappear into the noise.
- One day, after you’ve come home battered and bruised yet again, Jean corners you in the kitchen. “Why are you doing this to yourself?” she asks, her voice gentle but firm. When you try to brush her off, she places a hand on yours. “I know what it’s like to feel out of control. But there are other ways to find freedom.” Her sincerity cracks something open in you, though you’re not ready to admit it yet.
- Jean begins introducing you to meditation, something you initially laugh off as “not your thing.” But when she guides you through it, her voice soft and steady, you find a surprising sense of peace. “Chaos doesn’t define you,” she says one evening. “You can still be yourself without destroying yourself.” Her unwavering belief in you starts to shift how you see yourself.
- The turning point comes when Jean catches you breaking down after a particularly bad day. You try to push her away, but she doesn’t let you. “You’re allowed to feel this way,” she says, her arms wrapping around you in a warm embrace. “But you don’t have to face it alone.” For the first time, you let yourself cry in front of someone, and her compassion feels like a lifeline.
- Jean becomes your safe haven, the person who reminds you that strength doesn’t always mean pushing through the pain. She helps you channel your energy into healthier outlets, guiding you with patience and understanding. When she calls you “family,” it feels like coming home, and you know you’ve found someone who will always have your back.
Ororo Munroe aka. Storm
- You meet Storm during a thunderstorm, when you’re out pulling stunts despite the pouring rain. She appears seemingly out of nowhere, her white hair glowing against the dark sky. “What are you doing out here?” she asks, her voice calm but commanding. When you shrug and say something about “living life to the fullest,” she shakes her head. “This isn’t living. This is tempting fate.”
- Ororo is both fascinated and concerned by your recklessness. She sees your wild spirit but also senses the pain behind it. “The storm inside you is powerful,” she says one day, her gaze piercing. “But if you do not learn to guide it, it will consume you.” Her words stick with you, even if you pretend not to care.
- Unlike others, Ororo doesn’t try to control you. Instead, she shows you the beauty of balance. She takes you on walks through nature, pointing out how even the fiercest storms have purpose and harmony. “Freedom isn’t chaos,” she says gently. “It’s understanding your power and using it wisely.” Her wisdom challenges your worldview in ways you don’t expect.
- After one particularly dangerous stunt leaves you with a sprained ankle, Ororo carries you back to the mansion without a word. Later, as she wraps your foot with care, she looks at you with a mix of sternness and compassion. “Why do you punish yourself like this?” she asks softly. You have no answer, but the question lingers.
- Storm begins teaching you control—not through force, but through patience. She encourages you to embrace your passions without letting them rule you. She even takes you flying with her, the wind carrying you both as she shows you what true freedom feels like. “You are not a prisoner of your past,” she says one evening. “You can create your own path.”
- The breakthrough comes during a quiet moment in the mansion garden, where you admit that your recklessness comes from a place of pain and neglect. Ororo listens without judgment, her presence as steady as the earth beneath your feet. “You are stronger than you realize,” she says, her voice full of conviction. “And you are not alone in this.”
- Over time, Ororo becomes your guide and your family. Her unwavering belief in you helps you find balance in your life, and her calm strength inspires you to grow. When she calls you “child of the storm,” it’s not just a nickname—it’s a reminder that you’ve found a place where you truly belong.
Piotr Rasputin aka. Colossus
- You meet Piotr after crashing into him—literally. Your skateboard ricochets off his metal form, leaving you sprawled on the ground. “Are you alright?” he asks, his deep voice filled with concern. When you laugh it off, he frowns. “You should be more careful. Your life is not something to take lightly.”
- Piotr is immediately struck by your wild energy, but instead of chastising you, he approaches you with gentle curiosity. “Why do you live this way?” he asks one day, his steel-blue eyes sincere. When you deflect with a joke, he doesn’t press, but his quiet concern stays with you.
- Despite his towering form, Piotr is surprisingly soft-spoken and kind. He starts looking out for you in small ways—offering to carry your gear, fixing your skateboard when it breaks, even cooking meals for you when he notices you survive on junk food. “You must take care of your body,” he says with a small smile. “It is the only one you have.”
- One evening, after a particularly reckless stunt leaves you limping back to the mansion, Piotr sits you down and talks about his own struggles with responsibility and self-worth. “I know what it is like to feel lost,” he says quietly. “But pain does not have to define you.” His words are simple but powerful, and they linger in your mind.
- Piotr begins teaching you art as a way to channel your energy. At first, you scoff at the idea of painting, but his patience wins you over. “Art is not about perfection,” he says, guiding your hand. “It is about expression.” Slowly, you find yourself drawn to the calmness it brings, a stark contrast to your usual chaos.
- The turning point comes when you confide in Piotr about your neglectful parents. He listens without interruption, his steady presence grounding you. “You deserve better,” he says firmly. “And you are not alone anymore.” His unwavering support feels like a lifeline, and for the first time, you let yourself believe in the possibility of a better future.
- Piotr becomes a constant source of strength and stability in your life. His quiet kindness helps you find balance, and his belief in you gives you the courage to grow. When he calls you “family,” it feels like a promise—a reminder that you’ll never have to face the world alone again.
Hank McCoy aka. Beast
- Your first encounter with Hank is in his lab, where you crash into a shelf of equipment while trying to skateboard through the mansion hallways. He looks up from his work, unamused, as you sheepishly pick up a beaker. “Fascinating,” he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “An experiment in chaos.” You expect him to yell, but instead, he studies you with quiet curiosity, his sharp intellect already dissecting your motives.
- Hank is both intrigued and exasperated by your lack of structure. “Do you understand the repercussions of your actions?” he asks when you try to sneak off with a bag of chips for dinner instead of eating a proper meal. His lectures are long and full of big words, but somewhere in the middle, you catch a hint of genuine concern.
- He starts observing your behavior more closely, not as a judgment but as a puzzle to solve. “You remind me of entropy,” he says one day, his voice surprisingly gentle. “Chaotic, unpredictable, but not without purpose.” Despite his logical approach, there’s warmth in the way he speaks to you, like he’s trying to understand rather than condemn.
- After finding you late at night in the kitchen, rummaging for junk food with a fresh set of scrapes and bruises, Hank decides to intervene. “Your body is a machine, and you’re running it into the ground,” he says, handing you a plate of something surprisingly healthy. When you grumble about his nagging, he smiles. “Consider it an experiment in self-preservation.”
- Hank starts introducing structure into your life in small, unobtrusive ways—inviting you to join him in the lab, teaching you how to fix your skateboard, and even sneaking vegetables into your meals. You find yourself drawn to his calm and steady presence, even if you won’t admit it out loud.
- One day, after a particularly reckless stunt leaves you with a sprained wrist, you break down and confess the truth about your home life. Hank listens intently, his usual verbosity giving way to silence as he processes your words. “You are not a failed experiment,” he says firmly. “You are a work in progress, and I intend to see you thrive.”
- Over time, Hank becomes your anchor, the person who helps you find balance between chaos and order. His guidance isn’t just about rules—it’s about helping you see your own potential. When he calls you “family,” it feels like the culmination of every moment he spent believing in you, even when you couldn’t believe in yourself.
Erik Lehnsherr aka. Magneto
- You meet Erik when you’re caught trespassing near one of his hideouts, attempting a trick off a rail. He steps out of the shadows, his imposing figure stopping you in your tracks. “You’ve got nerve,” he says, his voice cold and calculating. You expect him to throw you out, but instead, he watches you with a strange mix of curiosity and disdain.
- Erik is fascinated by your wild energy, though he would never admit it. “You remind me of my youth,” he says one day, his tone sharp. “Defiant, reckless, and utterly unafraid of consequences.” His words sting, but there’s something in his gaze—a flicker of understanding—that makes you pause.
- He doesn’t tolerate your antics, but he doesn’t outright condemn them either. Instead, he challenges you, questioning your choices in a way that forces you to reflect. “What are you running from?” he asks bluntly after catching you sneaking out again. His directness catches you off guard, and for once, you don’t have a snarky reply.
- Erik’s approach to helping you is harsh but effective. He doesn’t coddle or comfort—instead, he teaches you the value of strength and self-reliance. “The world will not be kind to you,” he says, his voice heavy with experience. “But that does not mean you must surrender to it.” His lessons are tough, but they resonate deeply.
- Despite his stern demeanor, Erik has moments of surprising gentleness. He notices your injuries, your exhaustion, your deflections, and though he doesn’t press, he makes it clear that he sees you. “Pain is a powerful motivator,” he says one evening. “But it does not have to define you.”
- The turning point comes when you break down after a particularly bad day, your defenses finally shattering. Erik doesn’t offer empty comfort—instead, he shares his own struggles, his own pain. “You are stronger than your circumstances,” he says quietly. “And you are not as alone as you think.”
- Erik becomes an unexpected source of stability in your life. His belief in your strength pushes you to grow, while his rare moments of kindness remind you that even the toughest exteriors can hide a compassionate heart. When he finally calls you “family,” it feels like the highest honor, a testament to the bond you’ve built through fire and resilience.
Wanda Maximoff aka. The Scarlet Witch
- You meet Wanda when you accidentally skate into one of her magical runes, disrupting a spell she was casting. She turns to you, her red eyes glowing faintly. “You shouldn’t be here,” she says, her voice laced with warning. But instead of scolding you, she tilts her head, curious. “Why are you always running?”
- Wanda is both drawn to and exasperated by your chaotic nature. “You remind me of Pietro,” she says one day, her voice tinged with sadness. “Always moving, never stopping to think about the consequences.” Her words cut deeper than you expect, leaving you to wonder why her disappointment stings so much.
- Unlike others, Wanda doesn’t try to impose structure on you. Instead, she meets you where you are, offering understanding without judgment. She starts leaving little charms around the mansion—spells to protect you from injury or to heal your bruises. “You may not care about yourself,” she says softly, “but I do.”
- One night, after returning home with a fresh set of cuts and scrapes, you find Wanda waiting for you. “You don’t have to do this alone,” she says, her voice gentle but firm. When you try to brush her off, she touches your hand, and for a moment, you feel the warmth of her magic easing your pain.
- Wanda starts teaching you small spells—little enchantments to protect yourself or to calm your restless mind. At first, you’re skeptical, but her patience and quiet encouragement win you over. “Magic isn’t about control,” she tells you one day. “It’s about balance—finding harmony within chaos.”
- The breakthrough comes when you finally open up about your neglectful home life. Wanda listens intently, her empathy as deep as her power. “I know what it’s like to feel unwanted,” she says, her voice breaking slightly. “But you are wanted here. You are loved.” Her words feel like a balm, soothing wounds you didn’t know you had.
- Wanda becomes a source of unconditional support in your life. Her kindness and understanding help you start healing, and her belief in you gives you the strength to believe in yourself. When she calls you “family,” it feels like a spell—a promise that no matter what, you’ll always have a place where you belong.
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thatnonameuser · 1 month ago
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Me have thoughts of feral darling, whose so chaotic no one would have thought they’re darling to begin with.
Like, when they found out yanderes can openly kill people, they’re weirded out but they’re okay. During Vargas camp, they hunted a boat and kill e a bear by ripping out they’re throat and no one batter an eye at it
Some people might call you crazy. The actual term is feral or unhinged, but you don’t think that’s the right word for you. You just think you have a lot of energy, energy that has to be let out or you feel suffocated, and your chosen method is with your fists……or your teeth………preferably with them going through skin and letting out blood. 
Honestly, they just didn’t get you. But this place did. Coming here was great learning that you could kill people. In fact, your first thought was, “oh cool, I don’t have to hide the bodies anymore!” 
The yandere/darling junk didn’t make any sense to you. In fact it was a little strange, but hey, you could stab someone in the eye without getting expelled here, so you’d just bear with it. Besides, it was great to be free from the boring world you’re from. At least this world understands the romanticness of a snake twisted in a heart shaped balloon animal. Your last crush didn’t. 
Being normal is boring. And you’re not boring. You’re just a wee bit crazy, not too much though. And it’s super helpful here!
Like when Crowley’s food budget ran out, you went and hunted a deer, coming back bloody and with the creature gutted and portioned for your troubles with nothing but a rusty old fork or when some delinquents tried to pick on you, and you broke their ribs….. Out of their bodies…. And beat them with said ribs.
Sure you got a few funny looks from your new friends but they never hated you. At least you think, you didn’t know for sure. If you bite them, stab them, or break their limbs they still like you! You hope there’s no side effect
                  *                   *                   *                  *
You being so unhinged is a bit of a shock to some of them.
In the yandereverse, darlings are supposed to be optime of innocence and gentleness, so you being as violent and dangerous as a yandere is a bit strange for them. You probably weren’t diagnosed as a darling, because of how violent you are. But that’s not to say that a lot of them don’t really enjoy it.  
They Enjoy it……Very much.
Despite having been told that darlings are the basically ‘Disney princesses’ their entire life, watching you drink the blood of the boar you just killed with your bare, clawless hands without getting a scratch on you is doing it for them. You want to be so feral that if you were an animal they would put you down for the sake of everyone else, they’d let you give them rabies with your affection bites and they won’t stop you on your rampage.
Cater Diamond - If you’re the idiot doing something stupid, he’s the idiot recording the stupid act to post it in Magicam. Cater doesn’t see any reason to stop you from going about and ripping the world a collective new one. Because if you end up doing something super illegal he has pics of it to blackmail you with. Plus, you look good in red.  
Leona Kingscholar - Well, color him impressed, the herbivore is actually a carnivore unafraid of hiding her fangs and claws. You don’t even have animal instincts and you hunt and kill with the elegance and ferocity of a lioness stalking in the grass, and he loves it. But no matter how much you snarl and snap at him with your dull little fangs, he’s still at the top of the food chain. Even if you don't like it, even if you fight with all your might, you’ll never escape him. So get comfy next to him.
Ruggie Bucchi - Oh, You’ll fit right in back home. Watching you rip something to shreds with just your blunt nails and teeth excites him. Now he doesn’t have to worry about you getting culture shock when you abruptly and unwillingly join him in the slums. After all, he doubts you’d be used to watching them gutting animals while they’re still alive. Plus, now he won’t have to worry about you starving, seeing how well you can care for yourself. 
Floyd Leech - We all saw this coming. To Floyd, you match his vibe perfectly. And he loves it.  Floyd loves the idea of you being as feral as he is. You’ll both be spending the TWST-version of Valentine’s Day squeezing and drowning people and that’s perfect  to him. The one thing Floyd doesn’t want from his darling is for her to become boring, i.e. to have her will broken, so you being feral and fighting him tooth, nail,  and eventually fin, unafraid of drawing blood and killing him, excites him. 
Rook Hunt - Once again, we all saw this coming. You are truly a creature worthy of eternal worship.You are the feral beast and he is the expert hunter destined to capture and tame your bloodthirst. He’s destined to cage and trap you, and your expertise in hunting and killing will make you a powerful beast to capture and claim. And he will adore your ferocity as he tries to capture you. Along with your scratches, bites and slashes. You could stab out his eye and he’d see your extraordinary beauty through all the blood and viscous humor. 
Epel Felmier - A former misdiagnosed darling with feral behaviour and hatred for being considered ‘cute’, you couldn’t be any more perfect for him. His past problems with cuteness made him think darlings could in no way be as feral and violent as you are. Now that you’ve proven him wrong, he’ll happily join you on all your messy and bloody escapades. He’ll try sometimes to take over for you, wanting to beat your victim to death for you and earn the praise only you can give him. 
Malleus Draconia - He can never stop loving you. You could stab in the chest with an iron dagger and he’ll never let the scar heal out of his obsessive love for you. He’ll take every stab wound, slash and cut with a smile on his face and treasure the scar that appears. As a dragon prepared to burn the world to the ground simply because you asked him to, he’ll love your ferality to his very core, and he won’t worry about you getting hurt because if someone does they’ll never find their remains. 
They tolerate it. Sort of.
They don’t hate the idea of you being feral. They’re used to seeing you covered in blood and dirt from your…… ‘spirited’ escapades, and have seen the victims of your fun/wrath, and while they don’t care for your increasing bloodthirst, they’ll help you hid the bodies and give you a bath to clean off all the blood. And yes, you can bite them but after you get your shots. 
Trey Clover - As the loving partner he is, he’ll dress your wounds, clean you up and cook whatever you hunted for dinner, even if he dislikes seeing you focus your attention on inflicting pain and bloodshed onto others instead of loving him. He’s not going to take away your fun, just yet. But, he’ll be sure to poison your hunting feasts with something to keep you lethargic if you tend to spend too much time away from him, plus your fighting skills will be tamed as well to keep you from trying to resist him or run away. 
Jack Howl - Unlike the aforementioned beastmen, Jack sees the way you act as something he’ll tolerate out of his love of you rather than something he adores about you. Mostly because he worries about the danger you constantly throw yourself in. But he can tolerate it, because maybe you can make a date of him making sure you don’t die or commit any major crimes while you make whatever primordial being out there cry. Besides, learning your habits prevents you from running off.
Jamil Viper - As long as you don’t come home with bugs, in any and every way, he’ll let you do whatever. You want to wrestle a poisonous viper, well you do that with him every other day and he’ll get the anti-venom ready. He doesn’t mind your bloodthirst. Mostly because you’re not as brain dead as Kalim, so you’re not going to kill yourself trying to fight something. And besides, he’s dealt with Kalim’s shenanigans, yours are just more bloody and he actually cares about you, so he’ll just make sure to have soaps and oils ready to clean you up after you decided to have a fight with some vultures over some carrion.
Silver - He’s a little conflicted. As a very ‘princely yandere’, he’s trying to protect and love you like the princess you are, which is kind of hard when you’re the kind of princess that skins the dragon to make a pair of boots. He’s not upset about it, he could never be. He’s just concerned that you might get hurt. Or worse. But while he may be hesitant to your rampages, he’ll wield a blade to keep you from getting hurt while you terrify everything with legs. And while he’d like you not to harm the animals that surround him, as long as you don’t try to use your ‘skills’ to run away, he’ll be fine butchering your hunts for dinner. 
They don’t like it. They really don’t like it. 
It’s not that you are constantly killing things for the fun of it, or that you’re constantly throwing yourself in danger, or coming home covered in enough blood to make a veteran surgeon throw up. They’re just not a fan. Maybe it’s because they don’t want you killing people, or because they’re worried about you potentially pissing off the wrong person and getting injured, but they really don’t like it. That’s not to say that they will stop your affectionate nimbles, just stop trying to kill things. 
Riddle Rosehearts - Riddle has researched and understood that you having hobbies is healthy for a darling’s mental health…. But that doesn’t stop him from hating it. You’re not supposed to be running off to scare the daylights out of whoever tickles your fancy, you’re supposed to be in his care, showering him with the same love and affection he shows you. Riddle thinks that darlings aren’t supposed to be hurting or killing things, because he’s under the belief that the ‘helplessness’ darlings have is what’s best for them. So he really doesn’t like your behavior. (Not to mention it reminds him too much of Floyd)
Azul Ashengrotto - Azul’s insecurity towards his ‘yandere’-ness makes him not like your ferality. You being so capable of protecting yourself without him, or even resisting him physically makes those painful thoughts creep back in. Additionally the idea that you could get yourself killed while he is basically helpless could drive him to overblot again. He knows how to handle it a little, growing up with Floyd would do that to you, but he’d rather bind you to a contract for all eternity to make sure you don’t behave like this again. 
Vil Schoenheit - Vil has a reputation to maintain. And he can’t exactly do that when your hobbies include terrifying the local wildlife, scaring off the paparazzi (he would be fine with it, if you weren’t having your reputation slandered to), and making his assistants’ life a living hell. So he’s going to do what he did with Rook, and ‘tame’ you till your disturbing hobbies are at the ‘PR-team can handle this somewhat’ degree. While he does love all of you, get used to paralysis and chains and muzzles, for when you decide to be difficult. 
Sebek Zigvolt - Unlike his fellow countryman, Sebek is a traditionalist. A traditionalist from the Briar Valley which views darlings as helpless as a sleeping princess lying in a thorny palace. So your feral nature hits him in the face like whiplash, because your behaviour on a darling is very not okay! Yes, he does deeply appreciate your love bites but your violent nature isn’t fine, it’s unnatural and he’s concerned that you might get yourself hurt, killed or worse, because of your violent nature. 
Other. 
Their feelings are separate from the others, unique in their own right.
Ace Trappola - Ace is observant enough to realise that if he tries to smother your chaotic ways, he’ll likely end up with a broken nose at best and something indescribably painful at worst. Plus given the fact that you tend to get involved with chaos regardless of whether you want to or not. So instead, he just embraces it. Either way, he’s still going to be completely obsessed with you. 
Deuce Spade - He’s a little conflicted here. Because he’s trying to be an honor student, he doesn’t want to show off the side that you’d probably like throwing punches at anyone who looks at you funny. But because he knows that you might really like that side of him, he might show it off more. He can still be an honour student in between kicking the asses of whoever you'd like. He just wants to make you happy with him. 
Jade Leech - Jade is conflicted about this. While he does see your desire to be free to hunt and kill at your leisure as an enticing method of controlling you, (i.e. restricting your hunting and killing as rewards for when you do what he wants), he sees it equally as a threat. While dealing with Floyd taught him how to deal with you, he can see your viciousness and mood swings as a threat to his end goal, knowing that you might fight very hard to resist him if he pushes too far. 
Kalim Al-Asim - Kalim will always love you regardless of how much blood you spill and how many times you try to break his arms for chaining you down. He doesn’t particularly love your brutality specifically, he loves you and everything about you so that’s just a plus, but he isn’t happy, indifferent or upset about it. He just loves you regardless. He might enable it, (Kalim may start the purge for you because you want to hunt and kill things), but whether you’re feral or a shy pacifist he’ll always love you.
Idia Shroud - Idia’s kind of scared of you. He’s used to normies being weirdos, he’s not used to a darling rivalling Ares in brutality. He’s seen you beat one of the STYX droids to scrap metal, imagine what you’d do to him. But also, imagine what you’d do to him! Idia has two feelings towards this. A. you are terrifying and B. you are terrifying and he’s turned on for some reason. Please try to kill him, he’d be fine dying if you did it.
As for the platonic yanderes…….
Ortho Shroud - How Ortho feels about this depends on how Idia feels about it. He knows that while his brother is terrified, he’s equally ‘intrigued’ . So if that is what onii-chan wants then, he’s fine with you being as chaotic as you are. Ortho doesn’t mind your borderline murderous demeanor, even though you ripped one of his arms off to beat someone with. After all, you’re happy and it makes Onii-chan happy then he’s happy. 
Lilia Vanrouge - As a chaotic person himself, how Lilia reacts is dependent on the reactions of Malleus and Silver. He personally doesn’t mind it BUT if Malleus or Silver show any signs of disliking it, then expect him to step in to snuff it out posthaste. 
Divus Crewel - If his hair wasn’t already partially white, it would be turning grey from your shenanigans. A feral pup is a pup to be worried about, and he’s constantly afraid of you being put down by a larger dog. While he appreciates the dead animals you leave on his desk as ‘gifts’ and the chaos you bring being the perfect deterrent for the horny mutts trying to mate with you, he constantly has to keep you on a tight leash to prevent you from getting yourself killed. 
Mozus Trein - Similarly to Crewel, he’s a disappointed and exasperated grandfather when it comes to your day-to-day chaos. Yes, he is glad that he doesn’t have to worry about you defending or looking after yourself (Lucius leaves him less dead birds than you do), but he’s very not comfortable with your constant, dangerous adventures. Though he’s glad his class bores you so much that he doesn’t have to worry about you raising hell when you’re snoring away because of his lecture. 
Ashton Vargas - As the Cool and Best Uncle, his words not yours, Coach Vargas encourages your chaotic nature. You want to go and put the fear of god into every creature you see for the complete fun of it, he’ll make sure you’re the strongest little hellspawn out there. Vargas Camp wasn’t just to hunt down the students just for fun, but for you to get your kicks (and bites) in. What’s a better uncle-niece activity but hunting down the students that make you mad? Sam - Like dear Uncle Vargas, Sam is the enabler, providing you with whatever tools or curses you need to make someone else’s life more difficult. In a way, his nickname for you is actually accurate because of all your mischievous ways. Sam doesn’t worry about you going missing on all your escapades, his friends on the other side keep an eye on you when he can’t.
Hope you enjoyed this!
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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 days ago
Text
Keir Starmer appoints Jeff Bezos as his “first buddy”
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Picks and Shovels is a new, standalone technothriller starring Marty Hench, my two-fisted, hard-fighting, tech-scam-busting forensic accountant. You can pre-order it on my latest Kickstarter, which features a brilliant audiobook read by Wil Wheaton.
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Turns out Donald Trump isn't the only world leader with a tech billionaire "first buddy" who gets to serve as an unaccountable, self-interested de facto business regulator. UK PM Keir Starmer has just handed the keys to the British economy over to Jeff Bezos.
Oh, not literally. But here's what's happened: the UK's Competitions and Markets Authority, an organisation charged with investigating and punishing tech monopolists (like Amazon) has just been turned over to Doug Gurr, the guy who used to run Amazon UK.
This is – incredibly – even worse than it sounds. Marcus Bokkerink, the outgoing head of the CMA, was amazing, and he had charge over the CMA's Digital Markets Unit, the largest, best-staffed technical body of any competition regulator, anywhere in the world. The DMU uses its investigatory powers to dig deep into complex monopolistic businesses like Amazon, and just last year, the DMU was given new enforcement powers that would let it custom-craft regulations to address tech monopolization (again, like Amazon's).
But it's even worse. The CMA and DMU are the headwaters of a global system of super-effective Big Tech regulation. The CMA's deeply investigated reports on tech monopolists are used as the basis for EU regulations and enforcement actions, and these actions are then re-run by other world governments, like South Korea and Japan:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/10/an-injury-to-one/#is-an-injury-to-all
The CMA is the global convener and ringleader in tech antitrust, in other words. Smaller and/or poorer countries that lack the resources to investigate and build a case against US Big Tech companies have been able to copy-paste the work of the CMA and hold these companies to account. The CMA invites (or used to invite) all of these competition regulators to its HQ in Canary Wharf for conferences where they plan global strategy against these monopolists:
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/cma-data-technology-and-analytics-conference-2022-registration-308678625077
Firing the guy who is making all this happening and replacing him with Amazon's UK boss is a breathtaking display of regulatory capture by Starmer, his business secretary Jonathan Reynolds, and his exchequer, Rachel Reeves.
But it gets even worse, because Amazon isn't just any tech monopolist. Amazon is a many-tentacled kraken built around an e-commerce empire. Antitrust regulators elsewhere have laid bare how Amazon uses that retail monopoly to take control over whole economies, while raising prices and crushing small businesses.
To understand Amazon's market power, first you have to understand "monopsonies" – markets dominated by buyers (monopolies are markets dominated by sellers – Amazon is both a monopolist and a monopsonist). Monopsonies are far more dangerous than monopolies, because they are easier to establish and easier to defend against competitors. Say a single retailer accounts for 30% of your sales: there isn't a business in the world that can survive an overnight 30% drop in sales, so that 30% market share might as well be 100%. Once your order is big enough that canceling it would bankrupt your supplier, you have near-total control over that supplier.
Amazon boasts about this. They call it "the flywheel": Amazon locks in shoppers (by getting them to prepay for a year's worth of shipping in advance, via Prime). The fact that a business can't sell to a large proportion of households if it's not on Amazon gives Amazon near-total power over that business. Amazon uses that power to demand discounts and charge junk fees to the businesses that rely on it. This allows it to lower prices, which brings in more customers, which means that even more businesses have to do business with Amazon to stay afloat:
https://vimeo.com/739486256/00a0a7379a
That's Amazon's version, anyway. In reality, it's a lot scuzzier. Amazon doesn't just demand deep discounts from its suppliers – it demand unsustainable discounts from them. For example, Amazon targeted small publishers with a program called the "Gazelle Project." Jeff Bezos told his negotiators to bring down these publishers "the way a cheetah would pursue a sickly gazelle":
https://archive.nytimes.com/bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/22/a-new-book-portrays-amazon-as-bully/
The idea was to get a bunch of cheap books for the Kindle to help it achieve critical mass, at the expense of driving these publishers out of business. They were a kind of disposable rocket stage for Amazon.
Deep discounts aren't the only way that Amazon feeds off its suppliers: it also lards junk-fee atop junk-fee. For every pound Amazon makes from its customers, it rakes in 45-51p in fees:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/29/aethelred-the-unready/#not-one-penny-for-tribute
Now, just like there's no business that can survive losing 30% of its sales overnight, there's also no business that can afford to hand 45-51% of its gross margin to a retailer. For businesses to survive at all on Amazon, they have to jack their prices up – way up. However, Amazon has an anticompetitive deal called "most favoured nation status" that forces suppliers to sell their goods on Amazon at the same price as they sell them elsewhere (even from their own stores). So when companies raise their prices in order to pay ransom to Amazon, they have to raise their prices everywhere. Far from being a force for low prices, Amazon makes prices go up everywhere, from the big Tesco's to the corner shop:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/#commissar-bezos
Amazon makes so much money off of this scam that it doesn't have to pay anything to ship its own goods – the profits from overcharging merchants for "fulfillment by Amazon" pay for all the shipping, on everything Amazon sells:
https://cdn.ilsr.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/AmazonMonopolyTollbooth-2023.pdf
Amazon competes with its own sellers, but unlike those sellers, it doesn't have to pay a 45-51% rake – and it can make its competitor-customers cover the full cost of its own shipping! On top of that, Amazon maintains the pretense that its headquarters are in Luxembourg, the tax- and crime-haven, and pays a fraction of the taxes that British businesses pay to HMRC (and that's not counting the 45-51% tax they pay to Jeff Bezos's monoposony).
That's not the only way that Amazon unfairly competes with British businesses, though: Amazon uses its position as a middleman between buyers and sellers to identify the most successful products sold by its own customers. Then it copies those products and sells them below the original inventor's costs (because it gets free shipping, pays no tax, and doesn't have to pay its own junk fees), and drives those businesses into the ground. Even Jeff "Project Gazelle" Bezos seems to understand that this is a bad look, which is why he perjured himself to the American Congress when he was questioned under oath about it:
https://www.bbc.com/news/business-58961836
Amazon then places its knockoff products above the original goods on its search results page. Amazon makes $38b selling off placement on these search pages, and the top results for an Amazon search aren't the best matches for your query – they're the ones that pay the most. On average, Amazon's top result for a search is 29% more expensive than the best match on the site. On average, the top row of results is 25% more expensive than the best match on the site. On average, Amazon buries the best result for your search 17 places down the results page:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/03/subprime-attention-rent-crisis/#euthanize-rentiers
Amazon, in other words, acts like the business regulator for the economies it dominates. It decides what can be sold, and at what prices. It decides whose products come up when you search, and thus which businesses deserve to live and which ones deserve to die. An economy dominated by Amazon isn't a market economy – it's a planned economy, run by Party Secretary Bezos for the benefit of Amazon's shareholders.
Now, there is a role for a business regulator, because some businesses really don't deserve to live (because they sell harmful products, engage in deceptive practices, etc). The UK has a regulator that's in charge of this stuff: the Competition and Markets Authority, which is now going to be run by Jeff Bezos's hand-picked UK Amazon boss. That means that Amazon is now both the official and the unofficial central planner of the UK economy, with a free hand to raise prices, lower quality, and destroy British businesses, while hiding its profits in Luxemourg and starving the exchequer of taxes.
The "first buddy" role that Keir Starmer just handed over to Jeff Bezos is, in every way, more generous than the first buddy deal Trump gave Elon Musk.
Starmer's government claims they're doing this for "growth" but Amazon isn't a force for growth, it's force for extraction. It is a notorious underpayer of its labour force, a notorious tax-cheat, and a world-beating destroyer of local economies, local jobs, and local tax bases. Contrary to Amazon's own self-mythologizing, it doesn't deliver lower prices – it raises prices throughout the economy. It doesn't improve quality – this is a company whose algorithmic recommendation system failed to recognize that an "energy drink" was actually its own drivers' bottled piss, which it then promoted until it was the best-selling energy drink on the platform:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/20/release-energy/#the-bitterest-lemon
There's a reason that the UK, the EU, Japan and South Korea found it so easy to collaborate on antitrust cases against American companies: these are all countries whose competition law was rewritten by American technocrats during the Marshall Plan, modeled on the US's own laws. The bedrock of US competition law is 1890's Sherman Act, whose author, Senator John Sherman, declared that:
If we will not endure a King as a political power we should not endure a King over the production, transportation, and sale of the necessaries of life. If we would not submit to an emperor we should not submit to an autocrat of trade with power to prevent competition and to fix the price of any commodity.
https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/20/we-should-not-endure-a-king/
Jeff Bezos is the autocrat of trade that John Sherman warned us about, 135 years ago. And Keir Starmer just abdicated in his favour.
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Check out my Kickstarter to pre-order copies of my next novel, Picks and Shovels!
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If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/22/autocrats-of-trade/#dingo-babysitter
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Image: UK Parliament/Maria Unger (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Keir_Starmer_2024.jpg
CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en
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Steve Jurvetson (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jeff_Bezos%27_iconic_laugh.jpg
CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en
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