#physically i don't have food and mentally my plans changed so i couldn't if i tried

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[thegoldencontracts]

What Do You Want?

Summary: You try to approach Azul with an offer. His response is- odd, to say the least.

Notes: My heart wants fluff to make up for the angst yesterday... im sorry T_T

The moment you'd first seen Azul, you thought he was pretty. Then, you started noticing other little cool things about him. And before you knew it, you had a crush.

"You're- so stupid!" Ace said with a laugh. "You actually think Azul Ashengrotto would ever like anyone? Best outcome is, he tries to scam you but you barely manage to win."

"I've got a point-card!" You said cheerily. "And I've made a rough outline of what I want my contract to look like."

The 'outline' was only one sentence, but Ace didn't need to know that.

At that moment, though, Ace's eyes widened.

"You're actually gonna do it?" He said, the grin fading from his face.

"Yeah," you said. You were going to try and make a contract with him, see what happened. Maybe it wouldn't work out. But hey, you'd never know if you didn't try!

Besides, you had a plan. And that plan was what brought you to the VIP room, a golden point card in hand.

"Ah, what a pleasant surprise it is to see you here!" Azul said with a salesman's grin that somehow still looked cute. "I was under the impression you couldn't afford point-cards."

You laughed.

"It's lovely what happens when you make people compensate you for your labor," you said. And it was true. Telling people you'd do something for a free meal at the Lounge got you point cards and food witthout any complaints. For some reason, people were more willing to do that than give you the money straight-up, even if the expensive meals usually meant they'd have to pay more. Whatever.

"Oh," Azul said, before quickly changing the topic. "So what exactly is your desire?"

You smirked.

"Azul," you said. "Considering the ranking of the Golden card, that means you have to accept any contract I propose, so long as it doesn't pose direct harm to your mental or physical wellbeing in some way, shape, or form, correct?"

Azul's brows furrowed in confusion.

"Correct, however, you're forgetting-"

"The impact limit, yes," you said. "If the wish in question requires maiming, killing, or mentally scarring any individual, whether or not you agree to grant it becomes a decision entirely at your discretion."

At this point, Azul was looking at you like you'd grown two heads.

"Your point is...?" He asked.

"I won't have to make any other payment for my wish then, correct?" You said. You knew how these exchanges worked, and you did not want to get scammed.

Azul bit his lip.

"Fine, fine, you 'win', I suppose. Just- tell me what exactly it is you desire," he said.

You smiled, handing him a piece of paper with the draft of your contract on it. Azul's eyes widened in shock at its contents.

'Be my friend!' it said.

"Sooooo, what do you think?" You asked.

Azul shot you a glare. Harsh.

"What do you want?"

"I already told you- well, wrote to you, I guess, but-"

"No," Azul said, voice dangerously level. "What do you truly want?"

"Be my friend!" You said, flashing him a thumbs up. But Azul was still angry. Did he just hate you or something?

"I don't appreciate such juvenile attempts at mockery," he said. "If you have no true wish to make, then I shall have you escorted out."

You sighed. Seriously, this was getting annoying. Did he want to avoid you that badly?

"Look," you said. "I already laid it all out - you should try being my friend! And if you don't like it, then you stop! Simple as that, right?"

Azul scoffed.

"That's preposterous," he said. "No one would ever want such a thing-"

"Well, I want it," you said, before sighing. "Look, is it really that big of a deal?"

At that, Azul seemed to malfunction, like he couldn't possibly comprehend what you were saying. That was weird. Why wasn't he happy? Wasn't he going to try and scam you or something?

At long last, Azul shook away the red dusting his cheeks, handing you a pamphlet.

"Take this for now," he said. It was a study guide for Alchemy. "And keep the point card. I'll continue my inquiry tomorrow during lunch, so prepare yourself. Now then, leave."

"Great! See you tomorrow lunch then, Azul."

You took the study guide and headed for the exit. The study guide was pretty good, actually. And there was that little chibi doodle with hearts around it - you didn't know where it came from, but it kind of reminded you of yourself!

So, hey, it seemed like things were going pretty well.

Meanwhile, Azul was in a panic.

"The Prefect's caught on, I'm certain of it!" He said to Floyd and Jade, furiously flipping through his book of contingency plans for any type of social situation gone wrong. "Why else would such an odd request be made of me?"

Floyd rolled his eyes.

"Cause Shrimpy wanted to be your friend?" He said.

"No one would ever desire such a thing!" Azul said. "The Prefect's found out about that foolish little crush of mine, and decided to make a fool out of me. There's no other explanation!"

It was a sensible explanation, wasn't it? Common, too. It had happened to Azul all the time back then. He simply had to make sure he didn't slip, that he established consequences for all those who attempted to mess with him now.

His thoughts were cut off by the sound of Jade's laughter.

"What seems to be the matter, Jade? Do enlighten me," Azul asked dryly.

"You made an error in your panicked frenzy with the Prefect, that's all," Jade said. "The study guide you gave was the one with the doodles."

Azul felt his mouth go dry.

"W-What?"

"The one filled with countless doodles of your little crush, surrounded by hearts."

O-Of all the study guides, why that one?

Seven, how he wished to crawl into an octopus pot right now. But for now, all he could settle for was burying his face in his hands, left alone with his thoughts as he tuned Jade and Floyd out entirely.

He hadn't believed it, but- what if you were being sincere? What if you truly did want to grow closer to him? Yes, it was true that such a thing had never occurred in the past, meaning an analysis of past trends would seem such a thing impossible, and this sort of trick had been played on him countless times before but-

You seemed oddly sincere about it. And, frankly, he wanted you to be.

Azul couldn't help but sigh. Though it would likely cause him problems later, for now, he couldn't help but let himself hope.

[entitled-fangirl]

His betrothed.

Barty Crouch Jr. x reader

Summary: The youngest Black sibling is getting near courting age. Regulus and Barty have a plan, and Sirius doesn't like it.

Warnings: the Black family literally, cursing, siblings fighting, idk

Author's note: I wrote this while I had a fever, so if it's horrendous, let's not judge :|

Part 2!

Masterlist

....................................................................

"Siri…?"

Sirius turned his head to look over his shoulder. 

Sweet little Y/N Black was standing behind him with a worried look in her eyes.

Being the caring older brother he was, he pushed James slightly, making room for her to sit next to him at the Gryffindor table of the Great Hall. She accepted, sitting down gently, her expression never changing.

Remus saw the look as well, and seemed to be just as concerned, "What's going on?"

They weren't the only two marauders concerned. In fact, they all were.

When Sirius' sibling Y/N was sorted into Gryffindor, Sirius had physically cringed. He couldn't stand seeing his darling little sister go through the Black family's mental and physical abuse due to her house. At that point, away from Walburga's watch, the marauders had taken the girl under their wings. During the summer, she still remained in the Black household at Grimmauld Place with her twin Regulus. But during the school year, she was raised by Sirius.

Hence, where this situation had come from.

James threw an arm around the girl's shoulder, leaning close to her ear, "Whatever it is, you can tell us. That's what we're here for."

She simply stared at the plate in front of Remus across the table.

The four boys stared at each other, worried and unsure of what to do at this point.

Her small voice came out, "Mum is having me go to my first… meeting…. This winter…"

Sirius' hand had a steady grip on his fork, his knuckles turning white. His voice was low. Scarily low, "What."

Remus leaned forward to him, "Pads, control yourself in front of everyone."

Sirius' head lifted to him, "I would, but she's 17 fucking years old. Too young to be staring this… this shit…."

The girl remained unmoving, James' eyes never leaving her, "Y/N…?"

A small sigh came from her lips, "that's not all…"

Sirius looked as if he would explode. "Not…all?"

Peter finally peeped, "Is everything going to be okay?"

She looked up at him, "I'm not sure…"

Sirius rubbed his hands over his face before leaning on the table, "Alright, sweetheart. Tell me."

"Mum is… well… setting up… alliances…"

Sirius knew what that meant. Merlin, he knew what that meant. And he was angry. Beyond angry.

Remus' eyebrows furrowed, "…alliances?"

She nodded, her frame getting smaller as if she was shrinking into herself with every word, "It's…. Well it's when-"

Sirius interrupted, "Mum's marrying her off."

The table went silent, each boy trying to come to terms with what they had heard. 

Finally, Peter spoke up, "to…. To who?"

All of their eyes were on her. Well, almost everyone's eyes.

She shrugged, "Mum hasn't told me yet."

James, who had been staring off past the siblings to a different table, was holding a slight smirk to his face. "I bet I can tell you who it is."

Y/N looked up to him with teary eyes, her emotions finally getting to her, "Who?"

His eyes never left the person, his head moving as if to point in that direction. Sirius and Y/N followed his gaze.

Barty Crouch Jr. sat at the Slytherin table, his eyes flickering up in her direction every few seconds. When he saw the entire table looking in his direction, he quickly looked down at his food, as if forcing himself to not look up at her again until they looked away.

Sirius' voice was practically a growl, "It's. Not. Gonna. Fucking. Happen."

James sighed, "I don't know if you get a choice, Pads."

Remus looked up at Y/N, who was near tears. His hand reached out, grabbing hers from across the table, "Hey. Are you alright little dove?"

That was their name for her. Little dove. She was no animangus. But, hoping to make her feel included, they had given her a name during her 3rd year. And it had stuck ever since.

She shrugged, her bottom lip quivering. "I'm not sure."

He nodded, "That's alright. We'll figure this out… Pads?"

Sirius was in his own world. His eyes flickered around the room at every person, as if anyone could jump out and take her from them. 

When Regulus entered the Great Hall, Sirius immediately jumped up, walking to him. "Regulus…"

Regulus stopped, confused. Sirius never spoke to him unless it had to do with Y/N. "…what."

"I want you to tell me what the fuck Mum is doing to her."

Regulus sighed, "Let's…," his eyes wandered around, "Let's get away from listening ears."

…

"What the hell, Reg?!"

"Hear me out, Sirius!"

"No! You're letting Mum marry her away like a piece of fucking meat-"

"-THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

Sirius went quiet. The only sound in the hall was the occasional student that walked a few corridors over. His voice finally came out calm, "What… what do you mean?"

Regulus sighed, "It's… complicated."

"Yeah, I can fucking tell…"

"Crouch…," Regulus looked like he was ready to get hit by his brother, "he asked."

Sirius' eyebrows furrowed, "Asked for what?"

"Sirius, please. Don't make me spell it out."

"He asked for Y/N?"

Regulus nodded, "He's liked her for the longest time, really. Since I can remember. And when Mum mentioned that she was going to make arrangements for me soon, I panicked knowing she'd be soon after. I told Crouch, and he said he'd happily marry Y/N. And I helped him win Mum's favor." He looked back up at Sirius, "Look. Don't judge me. I'm doing what's best for her."

Sirius scoffed, "'what's best for her'? What's best is getting her away from the hellhole we call our family. They don't fucking deserve her. Marrying her to a fucking death eater, Reg? Not the brightest idea you've had. Merlin…"

Sirius slowly began to walk away until Reg spoke up again, "I thought it through, Siri. Swear to God."

The 7th year stopped, turning around once more, "…how?"

Reggie sighed again, "Crouch… he's… he's only a first generation death eater. There's not many responsibilities he has to hold. He's loyal only to himself and those he deems worthy."

Sirius thinks it over, "And would he be loyal to her?"

Regulus let out a small laugh, "Merlin. He is already."

When Sirius didn't answer, Regulus continued, "He may not be close to his father, but… it gives her options. If they decide to run away, he can protect them. And if she decides just to leave Bartimus, then his father could protect her on his own. Crouch brought it up to Mum as a way to give more connections between the death eaters and the Ministry. But, we both know. It was for her protection."

Sirius was staring to be slightly shocked at his brother's reasoning, "I…. Okay?"

Regulus gave a final statement. "And He'll treat her well, brother."

"How can you be sure?"

Reg shrugged, "Don't believe me? Make them interact. You'll see. He's like a loyal dog. He'll do anything for her."

Sirius sighed, "I should wring your neck. But I won't. Because you've thought this out so well. I won't say I'm agreeing with it. But… I'll let it grow a bit. To see where it goes."

Regulus smiles, "That's all I ask, brother."

….

Sirius entered the Great Hall once more, sitting in his spot with a huff. At this point, James is gently running his hands through the girl's hair. She's talking to Peter and Remus over an omelette, her mind far from the previous conversation.

He interrupts, "We're talking about this later. The four of us."

She turned, "Not me?"

Sirius' tone turned condescending, his voice harsh, "When have you ever been a part of the four of us? You're not a marauder."

James' hand in her hair immediately paused, Peter dropping his fork clumsily. Remus choked on his drink. But none of them said a word in her defense.

She stared at her brother with a guilty look that slowly morphed into slight hatred. Her voice was still as soft as always, but it held a bite to it, "Fine. I didn't want Mum to know I'm around the Black family traitor anyway." She stood up, leaving the table without another word. 

Remus stood up, watching her go, "Dove?"

But she had already left.

She approached the Slytherin table, her red and gold tie standing out from that side of the room. 

And Barty Crouch Jr. was already looking for her, noticing her leave from the Gryffindor table. 

She stood behind him, quietly trying to speak up, "Excuse me?"

Barty's eyes closed. Her voice was so sweet. He never got to hear it. And she was trying to speak to him. This situation couldn't be better. 

He turned around on the bench, a small smile gracing his face and a happy look in his eye, "Hello. What do you need?"

She pointed to where Regulus always sat, "Could I… maybe…?"

He looked over to the spot next to him before immediately, "Oh. Yes. Please."

She sat, finally taking note of the people around him. The most notable one being Lucius across the table.

Lucius held an arrogant look in his eyes, "What? The blood traitor finally got tired of you too?"

Barty's jaw clenched, "Watch your tone, Malfoy."

Malfoy snickered, leaning forward. "Why are you here, Black?"

Barty was becoming highly irritated, "Hey. What did I fucking say?"

Lucius held his hands up in a surrendering way, not saying a word, but his eyes were saying more than his mouth needed to.

She stood, "I'm sorry. This was a dumb idea…"

Barty grabbed her wrist. "No, please. I want you to sit."

She hesitantly does so.

A silence falls over the table before Barty breaks it, "Regulus hasn't been back since Sirius drug him out. Think he beat him up?"

She laughs, "No. I'm sure that just had a small fight is all."

Barty smiles, "I have a feeling I know what it's about."

She nods, deciding to avoid the subject. "Do you have classes today?"

He nods as well, "Just one. Potions. Tell me yours."

She pulls out her wand, waving it. A small piece of paper lands on the table, her entire schedule written on it. She begins to study it to give him an answer.

He leans over to her, peering at it slightly over her shoulder. He smiles, "You have astronomy tonight?"

She nods, "It's my favorite."

He points at one of the classes for the day. "I know where that is. Why don't I walk you?"

She shakes her head, "You don't have to. I know where it is, I just-"

His voice was a whisper, "-please. I would love to."

She decided to look at him finally, and when she did so, she found their faces to be inches apart, his deep brown eyes staring longingly into hers. She felt her face heat up, a light pink shade overtaking them. They stayed this way for a while before she decided to talk first, her voice softer than a whisper as she caught him staring at her lips, "Do you really want to marry me, Crouch?"

He smiled, "More than anything."

The moment sat for a while before she looked away, now a deep shade of red. "Perhaps you can walk me to class then."

"And a walk after dinner."

She looked up at him, "…a walk?"

He nodded, "Please."

He points at another class on the paper, "I can walk you to this one as well… if you'll have me?"

Her eyes soften as tried to see if this was a joke. If he had an ulterior motive. But he didn't.

Regulus came up from behind, completely unnoticed until Y/N felt a kiss to the top of her head and a small, "scoot over."

She did so, pushing herself closer to Barty, who held a smile on his face the entire time.

Regulus could feel the stares from the Gryffindor table. He looked up to meet their gazes, smiling in an almost mocking way at the sight of the two betrothed finally bonding.

She was still looking at Barty, "I…. Yes. I would…. I would like that very much."

He nodded, "Then it shall be done." He stood up, grabbing his books next to him, "I must get to potions, but I'll meet you by the Gryffindor common room entrance before your class, yes?" When she nodded, he gave a nod to her brother, "Regulus," then took his free hand, grabbing the girl's hand, kissing it gently, "Y/N." And with that, he left.

.................................................................

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not paying for my fiancee's trip?

(Sorry mod, sending this again as I forgot to add an important context detail)

This is going to be long, I'm so sorry!

Okay, so I (23M) am engaged to a very wonderful fiancee (27NB). She's fantastic, and I want to make it very clear that our relationship is great - we have good communication, we never argue, we're always on call without getting tired of each other, etc etc. There is just one issue we have - her financial habits.

For context, I am disabled and can't work due to both mental and physical health issues, so I'm on disability benefits. She can and does work.

We're long-distance (she's in America and I'm in the UK), and we've been dealing with it pretty well so far. At the beginning of our relationship, we agreed that before we got to the point of talking about moving in with each other etc. we would need to have her visit me here at least once to meet my family and get used to how things work here (as she wants to move here), and I would need to visit her at least once to do the same there re: meeting her parents etcetera.

The agreement was that I'd pay for her to come here, and then when it was my turn she'd pay for my visit there so it was fair.

She first visited me about a year and a half ago and came over here for two weeks. I paid for her plane tickets, our transport everywhere (we don't have cars), the AirBNB we stayed in, etc. This ran me about £2k, which was all I had at the time, and I didn't have enough left over to pay for her food on top of that, so I asked if she could cover her own food costs while she was here. This caused a bit of an issue at the time as she was very clearly frustrated at having to do it, and would make comments like "Ugh I wanted a new computer but now I have to save for this trip", "I'm having to sacrifice so much to pay for this" and it made me feel incredibly invalidated, like I was covering everything else and also sacrificing a lot to pay for everything else for us but the one thing I'd asked her to help with was too much. We had a conversation about it at the time and she apologised and said she'd work on it, so we moved on.

Plans changed a bit very early this year, as I was due to get surgery and the friend who was supposed to accompany me there dropped out last minute. I had no one else nearby to turn to and I couldn't go alone (it was the kind of surgery where I would need someone around for at least 1-2 weeks afterwards to help me move around and do daily tasks). As a last ditch effort I asked my fiancee to fly over again and help me out, and I paid for this again which I was completely fine with doing as the trip was a favour for me and it was unplanned from her end. This was another ~£2k.

So cut to summer this year. This was when I was supposed to have my visit over to America. She, at this point, was making pretty good money at a school job. However, when I asked her if we could finalise the plans and buy tickets, she told me that she had no money.

This is where I explain that she's really, REALLY bad with money. She impulse-buys clothes and things for her room etc., she plays gacha games like Genshin Impact and spends quite a lot of money on 'pulls' and the gambling mechanic, things like that. It turned out that through the whole time of having this job she'd been basically spending money as soon as she got it and she now had nothing for the trip. I was admittedly frustrated with her (especially as she initially lied to me and told me she hadn't spent money on games etc. and then later confessed that it IS where the money had gone), but we agreed we could push back the trip to winter/Christmas-time to give her more time to save, and honestly I didn't really mind because I've never spent Christmas/New Year with anyone before, so shifting the visit to over those days would be a nice experience.

However, soon after this she was fired from her job for too many call-outs/absences. For the next few months, she didn't get another job - she said she was doing all she could and was applying for, but I often got the impression that she wasn't and was sort of throwing out an application every few weeks and then writing it off as 'done', which I could be completely misinterpreting so take that with a grain of salt. I kept pushing her to get a job so we could get the trip sorted out and I know she got kind of frustrated with me a few times for it.

I ended up giving up the closer we got to the time and offered to just cover it again if she could pay me back when she did get a job, and she agreed.

Unfortunately, after this I was rendered homeless due to my abusive home situation. I was fortunate enough to be offered government housing and I now have an apartment in town, but it's completely unfurnished (literally all that's in it is a single bed and a cooker, there's no flooring or anything yet). I now have to put all the money I have saved (about £3k) towards getting flooring (which is a little over £1k by itself), furnishings, getting the walls painted, sorting out gas and electricity, etc. I'm also now paying the bills for this apartment. As a result, there's no possible way I could afford to cover the trip anymore myself.

It looked like things were getting sorted because my fiancee got another job recently. It's pretty well-paying, she seems to enjoy it so she's not calling out, and she kept prompting me to talk details of the trip with her so it felt like it was all getting figured out and she was ready to finalise it.

Then today I asked her how much money she had ready for it and she said... $15. I'm genuinely lost on how she still hasn't saved any money, she claims she used it all on "bills" but she doesn't pay rent or cover any housing costs as she still lives with her parents, so I don't understand at all where it's all going. We have less than a month before the trip is supposed to happen, nothing is sorted, we still have no clue where we'd be staying, no plane tickets have been purchased, and now it's looking a lot like it's going to have to be pushed back AGAIN to next year.

I thought about trying to pay for it again, because I DO really want that Christmas and New Year with her. Delaying it again would also mess up our future plans, as the plan was to get this trip to America and meeting her family done this year, then spending the first half of next year on the Visa process and then the latter half getting her actually moved over. It also means I would have to delay my college education, as I was going to start my course early next year, which I wouldn't be able to do if the trip is next year instead as it would require me to take weeks off.

If I tried, I probably could cover it - I need to spend the ~£1k on flooring as that's already arranged, but I could technically use the remaining £2k to fund the trip. However, this would mean my house would remain unfurnished and barely habitable for months longer. It's not so bad if I know she'd be able to pay me back quickly, but the reality is that I don't know how long it would take for me to see the money back.

Part of me also feels like she's kind of expecting me to give in and pay for it last minute in order to not delay it, because I offered before and I was willing to pay for the last two trips. But it's just so depressing and frustrating, because it feels like I keep giving things up and putting things into these trips and getting her over here, and trying to get it back from her is just like running into a wall.

We've talked about it before, but she insists there's nothing more she can do, she's trying as hard as she can, and that she's upset about it too. I just don't know what to do about it anymore.

So I guess my question is, AITA for complaining about the trip, missing Christmas/New Year and pushing her on money and nagging her about what she does with hers instead of just taking the L and covering the trip again until she can pay me back?

What are these acronyms?

[luizd3ad]

Every Step Of The Way | Regulus Black x Reader

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Regulus Black x GN!Reader WC: 1,213 CW: heavy talks of depression, depressive episode, depressed reader, self invalidation, no use of Y/N. Author's Note: I've been having a hard time lately and I just needed a comfort fic, this is purely based off my own experience with depression and how I feel when I'm in a depressive episode. If you don't feel like me that's okay, mental health is different for everyone! Just remember you're so valid and so loved <3. Summary: You're just having a hard time but Regulus is always there for you.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

At some point your mind wasn't supposed to be your enemy anymore right? At some point the ‘teen angst’ was supposed to go away and you were supposed to be an adult with relatively healthy mental health right?

The crippling depression and anxiety was supposed to go away with puberty. At least that's what you'd been told, that things would get better and your mind wouldn't mess with you as much.That was what was supposed to happen, but when do things ever go as planned?

The only difference between now and your teen years was that you recognized the symptoms faster, you understood what was coming before it was fully there. Now every so often you can catch it, do things to make the bad thoughts go away or lessen, then other times… you would feel paralyzed.

The numbness would consume you, invite you in like an old friend, along with the loss of appeal to do anything. You didn't want to eat, drink, read, or listen to music. 

You didn't want to do anything and sometimes without even realizing you would spent the whole day looking into nothingness. 

Regulus would notice the mood change almost immediately. He would pick up on the sign and the overall change in your personality.

Not only would he notice because he was hyper aware of the behavioral changes around him (thank you Walburga. Sarcasm) but also because he dealt with the same feelings. 

The emptiness and numbness of it all, it wasn't until Pandora explained it to him that he learned that those feelings were not exactly ‘normal’. 

It was normal to be sad, to have a depressive episode here and there especially following a tragedy but it was the consistency that wasn't normal.

The feeling of emptiness that always felt like a shadow following you, the feeling of being the happiest you've ever been but still feeling that emptiness in the back of your head.

It was one of the things you both shared. Sometimes it wasn't a good thing. When both of you were in that state of mind it was hard to help each other, to be there for each other.

How could you stop someone from drowning if you're drowning yourself? 

But other times it was a good thing. You knew each other's signs, you two could pick up on the signs before the other person even realized that they were slipping, sometimes. It gave you time to either try and stop it before it went too far or just get prepared. 

This was one of those times Regulus knew he needed to prepare. 

He had seen you starting to detach for about a day now. Regulus knew this was going to be one of those episodes he couldn't stop, the kind where you were there physically but not mentally.

You just were floating through your days, you were on auto pilot almost the whole day; you weren't really listening, hardly responded and if you did it was short.

Regulus preparing for this meant doing a few things, taking a few days off work, letting Sirius, Pandora and Barty know that he wouldn't be really available so that he could focus solely on you. Making sure your favorite foods were home and ready to encourage you to eat, having some of your favorite movies, books, everything and anything accessible in case you were in the mood to do anything or if you just wanted to try and distract yourself for a while.

It also meant mentally preparing himself to be understanding and patient since it wasn't exactly his strong suit but he'd do anything for you. 

When an episode fully hits it isn't always you wake up and start to feel depressed. Sometimes you would be fine most of the day and then suddenly you were hit with a wave of nothingness.

Most of the time nothing would trigger it, nothing would happen, your brain would just decide that it was time to be sad, to be numb, you guessed.

“Mon Amore, would you like to eat something? You can have anything you want.” Regulus touched the side of your face and brought you out of your head. You just shook your head not really looking at him. “No, thank you.” You whisper.

He just nodded and sat next to you. He knew when to pick his battles and since you ate that morning he knew this shouldn't be the hill he dies on. 

The rest of the night was spent mostly silence with a few words exchanged here and there, Regulus was there ready and willing to do whatever you needed him to do to make you feel better.

He got you to eat a little eventually and you shared a shower with him. He had helped you wash yourself since you didn't have any motivation or energy to do so. 

By the end of the night you were both cuddled up in bed while Regulus ran his hand up and down your back just to let you know he was there.

He liked when you knew he was there, he felt like it helped even just a little, especially to make you feel a little less alone.

Eventually you broke the silence with a sight. “I'm sorry.” You felt regulus's hand stop moving, he stayed silent for a moment.

“Why are you apologizing? You haven't done anything.” By the sound of his voice you knew he was frowning, he knew exactly why you were apologizing but a part of him was hoping, praying, that he was wrong.

“For being this way. You shouldn't have to deal with this. We're not kids anymore, I should be over these feelings by now.”

Regulus sat up, making you sit up in the process, reaching over to the lamp on the bedside table turning the light on. “Do you choose to feel this way? Do you make the conscious decision to feel like this?” Regulus was looking you in the eyes with raised eyebrows waiting for a response.

“Not necessarily, but-”

“Exactly, you don't. You can't control your emotions. You didn't ask to feel this way nor do you choose to. There's no point in apologizing for something that you have no control over. Your brain is amazing and beautiful but sometimes it isn't the nicest to you and that's okay. Do you know why? Because even if your brain is mean sometimes it still makes you who you are and you're so amazing, mon cœur. We’ll take care of this together like we always do. It's going to be hard sometimes but it is not impossible, and I'll always be here with you every step of the way, because I love you more than anything, tu es ma raison de vivre, mon amour.”

Regulus cupped your cheek and whipped a few tears you didn't know you had shedded. All you could do was whisper a ‘thank you’ as you threw yourself in his arms. 

You fell asleep that night in Regulus’s arms while he whispered sweet nothing to you.

You weren't better by any means but you felt loved, you felt understood. You knew that no matter how hard things got, Regulus would be there for you, every step of the way.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

[heeseung-min]

Hey! I have an idea you can try out like a drabble or thought or a full fic when the s/o act like they got the sherlock syndrome but they do not and that was their plan to escape but did they escape or not it up to you decide it it just a thought of mine i think you will able to write. i think this idea would suit more on enhypen sunghoon or jay but i think it can also be for txt.

Hi hi thanks for the request🤗 I hope you enjoy this

[21:39]

"If you listen to me, you will never be like this."

"I don't like hurting you. So, you better be good before I killed your sister in front of you."

"You asked for it, y/n."

Those were the words you would hear everytime you cause a trouble. Everytime you try to run from the house, he eventually caught you before you can even go far. Each time that happened, he will punished you badly. Whether it is physical or mental, he will make sure you learn the lesson.

And that's why you decided to stop doing it. Stop trying to find a way. Stop causing a trouble. At first, your sick husband being skeptical thinking that you tried to fool him. However, it's been months you acted like that. You listened to him and being affection towards him and that made him believed that you finally submit to him.

"Y/n, what do you want to eat for dinner?"

"Can we get Chinese foods, Hoonie?"

"Sure, my angel. Come here. We can watch movie while waiting for it to arrive."

"You know, I'm glad that you finally listen."

You stared at Sunghoon who was eating his meal. He gulped the food before talking again.

"I'm happy that you finally understand me."

Your boyfriend looked really happy. His expression reminded you from the first year you guys being in relationship. You wondered how can he changed to this personality.

"I realized you are right. About the world is more dangerous and I could get hurt if I go outside. I'm sorry for not listening to you earlier."

Sunghoon's heart couldn't be more happier when you said that. He watched you smiled fondly at him and continue enjoying your food.

"I will leave and be back before dinner. Do you want me to buy anything?"

"Nope, I'm good. Be safe."

"I will and you be good. Okay?"

"Yes, my love."

Sunghoon kissed you before he went out of the house. You smirked when he finally left the house. You will use this opportunity to run away from him.

Before this when Sunghoon goes out, you will go out from the house and search a way for you to run without easily get caught. Then, you will be back immediately before Sunghoon back to make sure he didn't feel any suspicious. You had planned this for months and now finally you can use the route.

You changed your clothes to more casual so you can move easily since the area you need to go is the forest.

You started your journey with some snacks and water for your energy. The walk was a bit dangerous since there might be some wild animals and you still aren't familiar with the area. You keep walking for hours and rest for few minutes in between before you saw an inn meters away from you. You ran immediately to the place thinking that you finally escape from Sunghoon.

The inn looked empty since you didn't see any cars or travelers around. You walked closer to a young man that just came out from a room. He looked attractive even though his attire just ordinary. His sharp jaw made him more handsome.

"Um, excuse me?"

He turned to you. Looking confusely. Probably because he didn't expect anyone at this time.

"Yeah, how can I help you?"

"Well, I have a problem and I need a ride to town. Can you please send me there?"

"Hmm, I don't have any vehicle that can be used now. How about this, you stay at my inn for a night and tomorrow you can share ride with one of my customers. He often send home essentials every morning so I can ask for him to send you."

Well, it's not really bad even though you hope you can go to the town now. You agreed with his suggestion before following him to your room.

"Can I borrow your phone too?"

"You...don't have a phone?"

"Ye-yeah. It's broken before I came here."

He stared weirdly at you before shrugging. He showed the old phone that was located inside your room.

"You can use that phone."

"But...it looks old."

"So? It still can be used. Don't worry."

You sighed and just went inside. The room is not big but good for staying for a while. You rested your body on the floor. You can't wait to finally out from this place and Sunghoon. You have been waiting for this to happen. Before you completely sleep, you tried to call your sister. You felt awkward using the old phone at first but you got it eventually.

You groaned after the you failed to connect with her few times. You tried to think positive maybe the line here is not really good so that's why it's hard for you to reach her.

You sleep peacefully that night thinking you finally can be free.

You woke up when you felt someone was caressing your hair. Your eyes slowly opened up as you still felt sleepy. You saw someone sitting beside you. You blinked once again before started to see the clear picture.

When you recognized the person was Sunghoon, you shockingly woke up and backed away from him until your back touched the wall.

"Ho-how..."

"You really make me angry, Y/n."

Sunghoon just stared at you. There was no expression showing on his face. But, you knew better that he will not let this matter down just like that. Since you betrayed his trust, you will face harder punishment than before.

"Sunghoon- oh, you finally woke up."

You turned to the inn owner. He looked at you with bright smile.

"I'm sorry I didn't recognize you yesterday. When Sunghoon called and asked me, I finally remember who you are so I called him here."

You wanted to throw up. Panic started to increase and you felt suffocating. You can't move since you were still in daze so Sunghoon pulled you up and brought you out from the room. His hold on you was very tight that you could felt it started to bruise.

"Thanks for taking care of her, Jay."

"You are welcome. Make sure she will not run away this time."

"Oh, I am sure she can't go anywhere anymore."

_____

Sunghoon brought you to the basement. You smell a very strong smell when you entered the place. He didn't say anything from the time both of you were in the car until now and that's really scared you. You rather he shouted at you than being silent.

He stopped moving when both of you reached in front of punchbag. Two punchbags to be exact. You glancing confusely at Sunghoon before watching him took something from a drawer. A knife. He took out a knife and put your hand on the handle.

"I want you to choose between these bags."

"What...what do you mean?"

"Choose Y/n. Don't make me more angry at you."

He left you stood alone between the punchbags and went to sit on the couch near you. You still stood clueless and you looked to Sunghoon demanded details.

"Choose one of the bags and I want you to stab on it."

You didn't like where is this going. This is not how he usually do when he wanted to punish you. Why...why he looked so calm? You didn't like this situation.

"Hoon....I still don't understand."

Sunghoon sighed and decided to go behind you and hugged your body while his hands holding yours at the same time. You can felt his breath behind your ear.

"Let me help you then. Now, choose y/n. Left or right?"

"Hoon, I- I can't do this. You can hit me or do anything like what you used to. Please."

"Choose. I'm serious this time, y/n. Choose."

You were already in sobbing state but your boyfriend ignored it and still waiting for you to speak. You calm yourself down before staring at the punchbags in front of you. Why would he made you do this? Did he asked you to choose what type of punishment you will get? You gulped down your nervous and stated what have you decided.

"The...the right one."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You made a good choice then."

Without saying more, he jerked forward your right hand to stab the punchbag that you chose. However, as you focused more you saw liquid dripping from inside. You dropped the knife when you realized the liquid was blood. When Sunghoon took his hands off, you fell down to the floor with your hands shaking badly. Your boyfriend smirked and whispered to you.

"Should we take a look what's inside, Y/n?"

You wanted to say no but all the courage inside you has gone. You watched Sunghoon took the knife and sliced the punchbag until something or more to someone fell on top of you. You screamed and closed your eyes when the blood hit your face.

"Open your eyes baby. See it."

Slowly, you opened your eyes and saw a pair of very familiar eyes staring at you. You screamed again and threw the body to the floor beside you when you recognized it was your sister. Your dead sister was in front of you right now. You suddenly threw up and felt the tightness on your chest. You crawled to your sister and sat beside her body while holding her head.

"Unnie. Please, wake up. I'm sorry I didn't mean it. Unnie, please. WAKE UP PLEASE AAARGHHH"

You tapped her cheeks few times trying to help regain her concsciousness back. Even though you knew, there was no pulse nor slow breath from her.

"WAKE UP!!! I'm- I'm sorry I didn't mean to do it. I don't want to do this."

You turned to Sunghoon with full of rage. He didn't react and just waited for you to do or say something.

"You...you asshole. How dare you? HOW DARE YOU KILL MY SISTER!!!"

"I killed her? Are you forgot that you were the one who chose it. You made the choice, Y/n. You killed your own sister with your hands"

"NO! I DID NOT! YOU MADE ME KILLED HER."

"Look at your hands now, baby. It's your sister's blood and look at me, it's clean unlike you."

Once again, you started to hyperventilate and started to hit your head and chest trying to get rid of the tightness. You suddenly heard voices talking.

'You killed her'

'You shouldn't betray Sunghoon'

'This is your fault'

'Now suffer the consequence'

"Ahhh stop talking!! I didn't kill her!"

You hit yourself many times to protect yourself from the voices. You screamed and sobbing when it became worse. You moved to Sunghoon while still on your knee and hugged his leg begging for help.

"Make it...make it stop Hoon..I- I can't hold it. Please."

Within few seconds, you passed out after Sunghoon jabbed the needle he was holding on your neck. He called someone to clean the mess and carried you upstairs.

_____

You woke up from the sleep after few hours. You felt like you just had a worst nightmare ever. But then, when you looked on your clothes and hands you realized it's not a dream. The blood stain is still there and you felt like shitty remembering what happened back in the basement.

You sat on the bed quietly until you saw Sunghoon came in with small towel and bowl of water. He didn't say anything and just clean your face and hands from the blood. He also changed your dirty clothes to a new one and sat in front of you after finished doing it.

Both of you didn't talk. You looked down to your fiddling fingers and Sunghoon just stared at you. As like he knew you wanted to say something but you are afraid to do so. At last, you lifted your head and looked at him.

"What...what do you do to my sister?"

Oh, how soft your voice. Sunghoon melted at the sound of it. He caressed your face and leaned closer to you so he can kissed you.

"Bury her, of course. I would not keep corpse in this house, y/n."

It was a dumb question but you somehow really need assurance from Sunghoon that your sister finally not suffering anymore. You hope that he at least bury her at good place.

Sunghoon finally stood up. Before he walked away, he tied a cloth on your mouth and your hands to the bed. Again, you felt confuse with the act. He went to the front bed and facing you. He stared at you or more to your legs.

"You will run away again."

He tapped on your left leg.

"I don't want that to happen."

He tapped on your right leg.

"So, I should prevent you from moving."

You screamed out loud when you felt your bone on the right foot broken. You were trashing on the bed trying to let yourself off from the rope. It hurts so much and you started to cry because of the pain.

"Now, you can't run away anymore."

-----

Wow, did i wrote that😱😲 i hope you guys enjoy tho😁😁😁

Taglist: @stacey-stonem @duolingofanaccount @cyberpinkx

[bi-bard]

If I Could Leave, I Would've Already Left - Luca Imagine [The Bear]

Title: If I Could Leave, I Would've Already Left

Pairing: Luca X Reader

Based On: Paul Revere

Word Count: 1,413 words

Warning(s): mention of breakdown/mental health issues

Summary: When Luca left for Copenhagen, he didn't mean to leave (Y/n) completely on their own. After years of not talking, he finally finds that nerve to reconnect with them, deciding to invite them out to visit. At first, all seems well, but something is clearly off... Luca just has to get (Y/n) to admit that.

Author's Note: I changed who this story was going to be about so I could give y'all this. Don't say that I don't do anything for you.

NOAH KAHAN - STICK SEASON [WE'LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER] WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

---------------------

I felt a pit in my stomach as I walked to the door of the restaurant.

This wasn't even my place of employment. I had no obligations or expectations here, but I still had raging anxiety sitting in my chest.

Maybe it was the association I had with early rising and restaurant doors. Maybe it was the memories of yelling and pressure and intensity. Maybe it wasn't related to any of that. Maybe it was all just fear over seeing someone that I hadn't seen in a while that meant the world to me.

I shook my head, trying to calm myself down. It wasn't successful.

Once I accepted that I couldn't just dismiss my anxiety, I picked up my hand and knocked on the door.

I stepped backward, taking a few more deep breaths.

The front door opened suddenly. I felt a need to collapse to the ground when I saw Luca in the doorway. I fought that need.

"Hey," I said awkwardly, messing around with the strap of my duffel bag.

"You made it," he replied happily, stepping forward to hug me tightly. I closed my eyes as I hugged him back. "I told you to call me when you were on your way. I would have made plans to get you settled."

"I know, I know," I muttered as I stepped back.

"I'll call someone in, so I can get you set up in the guest room-"

"No, no," I shook my head. "I came here to see where you're working. That was your offer."

He chuckled. "Well, come on in then."

I followed him into the restaurant. I looked around at the sparkling location. Shining counters, organized inventory, the blue sign just under the clock that read 'Every Second Counts'.

"What do you think," he asked.

"It's beautiful," I mumbled, still looking around the entire building.

"Oh, believe me, this is nothing," he waved it off. I looked back at him. "Well, nothing when compared to the quality of the food."

I chuckled. "Impress me."

"I always do."

He tapped a part of the steel tabletop so I could stand across from him. He continued working while I put my bag down next to me.

It felt weird to watch someone else cook. I had grown so accustomed to running around the kitchen and getting as much work done as physically possible. But now, I was standing there, twiddling my thumbs. It just felt... wrong.

"Do you... Do you need help with anything," I asked.

"No, no," he shook his head. "I am making something for you. You are on a trip."

I held my hands up. "Alright, alright."

The silence after that was nice.

It was the first time since getting on the flight that I didn't find myself fixated on the work that I was missing. I was finally letting myself breathe. I couldn't relax fully. I don't think that I had the ability to. It was still momentary bliss.

"How've you been," Luca said after a while.

"Good, good," I replied, playing it as polite. Like I would speak with my relatives at big family dinners and shit like that.

"You're still working in Chicago?"

"I haven't worked there in a while," I explained. "I moved to New York. Carmen Berzatto apparently mentioned my name a while ago."

"He did?"

I nodded.

"I don't remember him ever being that kind... did he have a change of heart?"

"Honestly, I think it was an accident."

Luca laughed, having to stop what he was doing for a few moments. "That sounds more like him."

I chuckled with him.

"But New York is good?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's the dream, right? The big-time restaurant and the fancy guests."

"I guess so."

His eyes moved to me. I saw them trace me, looking for a sign of... something. I shifted a bit in my spot, grinning at him. I wanted to know what he was looking for. I wanted to know what he was thinking of me.

"How are you doing," he said.

"You asked that already."

"I know but you told me that everything is good yet you're sitting in front of me on a very sudden trip to a different country."

"You invited me out to visit-"

"Yet you didn't tell me when you were on your way."

I froze. He was right.

"What's going on?"

I took a deep breath. "I... I took a leave of absence."

"What," he asked. "Can I ask why?"

"I... I broke," I confessed.

Admitting it felt like some kind of betrayal to myself. I was already dealing with enough guilt from running away from work, but now there was even more guilt because it wasn't just because of my own weakness.

"I was in the kitchen, in the middle of dinner rush, and then everything felt like it froze," I continued. "And I... I couldn't move or talk. I was just... gone. And then, it all hit me at once. I couldn't breathe. Nothing made sense. Everything was going too fast. It just... it wouldn't go back to normal.

"If it had just been that once, then I could have explained it away as nothing. But it just kept happening over and over.

"I could hide it for a while but then, I just kind of snapped. I ran out of the kitchen; I hid in the alley out back and just sobbed. I just remember thinking that I had to get out. So, I decided to take the leave of absence and try to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me."

"I'm sorry," Luca said. "That sounds terrifying."

I just kind of shrugged.

"Are you... Are you seeing a therapist at all?"

"I have an appointment set for when I get home. I just... I needed something- someone familiar."

Luca stepped out from behind the counter so he could drag me into another tight hug. I closed my eyes, hiding my face in his shoulder. That was the most detail I had told anyone about how I had been feeling.

"Can I ask you something," he asked after a little while. I hummed. "Why don't you just leave entirely?"

I scoffed as I stepped back. "And go where?"

"I don't know... here?"

I shook my head.

"I could put in a good word-"

"I can't do that," I stopped him. "I can't just run away."

"Why not?"

"Do you have any idea how hard I have worked for this?" I snapped. "How much of my life has been dedicated to this?"

"That doesn't mean that you have to end up hurting yourself!"

"You don't get it!" I stepped even farther away. "I don't just do this for me. New York is the best place for me to make everyone happy. It's for my family whether it be supporting them or giving my mom a chance to see her dream that she didn't get to pursue or for my dad to get the chance to be proud of me. All of this goes so far beyond me! It's not that I don't want to leave! I can't!"

Luca didn't reply.

"I... I look at my parents and all I can think of is how disappointed they'd be if I didn't keep going, keep pushing myself."

"I'm... I'm sorry."

I looked away before stubbornly wiping away any tears that found their way to my eyes. "I'll... I'll leave it all one day. I'll leave all of it behind and find something that doesn't terrify me as much, but I just... I can't yet. I can't."

"I shouldn't have pushed so hard," he replied. "I... I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," I mumbled, running my hands over my face. "Can we just... Can we focus on literally anything else?"

He nodded, going to step around the counter again. "I've thought about you a lot over the last few years."

"Really," I asked.

"Yeah. I... I always felt... wrong for leaving the way that I did. I felt like I had abandoned you."

"If it helps, I never thought that. I just hoped that you were happy."

He offered a grin in response.

He started working again.

As silence surrounded us, the air seemed to shift. The weight wasn't gone. I don't think it ever would be. But it was lighter. As if I wasn't holding it on my own anymore.

And maybe that extra pair of hands was all I needed for now.

---------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[incesthemes]

HELLO! I have to know, what did you think of Madhouse at the End of the Earth??? What were your favorite parts?? :3c pls share your thoughts

OMG THANK YOU i will say i have literally not stopped thinking about this book since i finished it early last week. i have a normal amount of sticky notes marking my favorite quotes/events and other notable moments.

(pictured: exactly 120 sticky notes.)

literally i don't even know how to move on from this book, it made me so insane. i NEED to do horrible and illegal sex acts to adrien de gerlache. there isn't enough de gerlache rpf to satisfy my desire to see him stepped on. he's so utterly pathetic and useless and stupid. no redeeming qualities whatsoever. just a soggy idiot who gets them stuck in the pack on purpose and then has the audacity to regret it. like how do you get any better than this. i cannot believe this man was real and actually existed in the same world i live in today. what the hell man.

anyway. favorite parts are probably. de gerlache and lecointe getting the belgica stuck in the pack on purpose was like, an unparalleled reading experience; i physically yelled out loud while reading it because i couldn't believe my eyes. but here's my full-ish list of every part i marked for being completely deranged:

lecointe SLEEPING on the tonite to thaw them out. literally what an insane man. ok girl (secondarily: lecointe thawing out the tonite by holding them close to the fire. GIRL)

that time cook and amundsen tore apart a seal and drank its blood directly from its veins while tollefsen watched in horror

every single time sancton described cook's nose (the "peninsula" comment got me bad)

"strangely enough the thing in sir john's narrative that appealed to me most strongly was the sufferings he and his men endured," amundsen wrote. "a strange ambition burned within me to endure those same sufferings."

and by god he did. even if he had to force the issue (the iceberg plan is a particular fave)

everything about the penguins, from de gerlache's petulant, childish refusal to eat them because he was salty the men didn't like the food he picked out, to amundsen's obsession with eating raw penguin meat, to the fact that they lured the penguins to the ship with van mirlo's godawful cornet playing

the time they caused a fire on tierra del fuego and had to go put it out, only to return to the ship to see it decorated for christmas. nothing says season's greetings like the minor destruction of someone else's land

they ran the ship aground. TWICE. before ever even making it to antarctica. TWO TIMES!!!!!!!!!!

cook and amundsen's first date climbing up a mountain and nearly plummeting to their certain deaths once each

de gerlache hosting a meeting about what to do when they were out of the ice, being pathetic about it, then begging lecointe to let him change the minutes so he'd sound cooler

DANCO'S BODY STANDING UPRIGHT AT HIS FUNERAL AS IF IT WERE POSSESSED

the fact that everyone hated michotte's cooking and yet no one bothered to even do anything about it. like what. if you hate it that bad make your own food cmon girls......

the unexplained random screaming that amundsen, cook, and koren heard but no one else did............. okay! #normalthings #sanitywin

cook going off the rails worshiping the sun. antarctica claims yet another victim (cook's sanity)

speaking of cook, the fact that the most likely theory for why everyone went insane was cyanide poisoning. from cook's photo developing solution. the DOCTOR did all this. it seriously doesn't get funnier than that

cook hanging penguin carcasses along the belgica's hull as they made to escape the pack. like imagine being in puntas arenas and seeing this ship no one is expecting come into port and everyone has these crazed eyes, some of them are screaming and in the throes of a full mental breakdown, and there's fucking penguin carcasses hanging off the ship like some kinda charms. the mental image alone sent me into hysterics i swear

and most importantly, the fact that all of this happened and they still managed to keep the ship. i think sir john, crozier, and shackleton (et al) are rolling in their graves over this expedition. most incompetent freakass men you know got to keep their ship and yours is at the bottom of the ocean. i can't even believe it.

on a serious note this was just genuinely a great book, it's written so well and in such a particular way; reading nonfiction has never been so fun—sancton made these cold boys sound like shounen anime characters, for real. it was awesome seeing the steps they took to ensure survival and the mistakes they made which undermined the expedition. there's a lot to learn from this expedition and a lot to admire about it, for what it was. it was also just an insane ride from beginning to end—everything went wrong, nearly every guy on that ship was in way over their head and completely wrong for the job, and they kept making the worst possible choices at every turn. the fact that they survived is a miracle and honestly i do think, even though cook was probably accidentally responsible for how crazy they got, he deserves a lot of praise for keeping the ship together and being so proactive in their survival. and never have two people matched each other's freak the way amundsen and cook did, oh my god. they're calling tollefsen the madman while yearning to plummet from an antarctic mountain or live on an iceberg. but sure tollefsen was sooooo crazy.

anyway sorry this is really long but holy shit this book made me so crazy. it's gonna take such a long time for me to get to a point where i can be normal about the belgica after reading this. holy shit man.

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Day.16 Water - Sawtober/Sawcember

warning : angst, hurt/comfort, hydrophobia

Sawtober/Sawcember masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather is a natural phenomenon and the predictions of weather experts and researchers can only be interpreted. It has happened more than once that it started to rain even though it was high summer or that it snowed in the fall when the leaves started to turn colorful.

But what were initially just annoying and yet somehow pretty weather phenomena had become an inner burden for Agent Strahm.

Since he had woken up in the water trap, since he had felt the cold metal on his neck and his screams had not come out of the box, he seemed to have changed. Not only did his neck still hurt from the hole he had to ram into it with his pen, it was the fear of being surrounded by water again.

The renewed fear of hearing the loud splashing noise that rumbled in his ears, of being helpless and suffocating. A fear he didn't have before - he loved swimming, diving, bathing and showering.

But since he had been discharged from hospital, he had avoided water as much as possible. The shower was hardly ever on and only minimal drops flowed down, prolonging his showers by hours. A fact he denied and dismissed with an

,,I'm fine" every time in front of his boyfriend but he saw the skeptical look on Hoffman's face and knew he knew he had a problem. A problem that couldn't simply be solved, even if his partner disagreed. For Mark it was a simple matter of how to get Peter back under water.

Which is why he came up with a little plan, because he wasn't going to put himself through another couple of hours waiting for his friend in the shower.

Without knowing what it would do to Peter, he would take the risk. The two of them drove to work, as they did every day, and he knew that Strahm kept checking the weather forecast on his cell phone.

Strahm used the large umbrella that was actually intended for two people on his own. ,,Don't worry so much, it's only a few meters to the station," Hoffman said, taking one hand off the steering wheel and placing it on his boyfriend's thigh.

Nevertheless, he could feel the tension in the brown-haired man who didn't want to leave the safety of the car in the rain. ,,Yes-yes... I'll manage," Strahm replied, but his heart was beating wildly as he somehow tried to get out of the car with the half-open umbrella and run to the main door faster than necessary. He winced as he felt the drops of water on his neck and wheeled around.

He saw that Mark had given him the few drops and seemed to want to give him more. ,,Hoffman, don't you dare!" hissed Strahm, shielding himself with his umbrella before hurrying into the station and hearing his friend's grin.

At least that's how it looked from the outside, that Hoffman didn't take his boyfriend's illness seriously, but in reality it was his fault that it was haunting him. Guilt that he hadn't simply recognized Strahm, that he hadn't simply told him that he knew who had set him up.

That it was Lawrence and not Jigsaw. Lawrence the medical genius knew exactly how to get everything out of his victims, both mentally and physically.

But even though Hoffman was initially against it, he knew that interfering would only complicate things. And he wanted to avoid any more complications at all costs.

I'll fix it, the brown-haired man thought to himself and wiped the raindrops off his jacket before he went inside too, because in the end he was just Mark Hoffman the friendly policeman and not Jigsaw.

He just had to find the right mix of both with Peter to help him. Which he did, even if Strahm didn't like it. He would have to get through it.

And when the two men got home, the story had gone on far too long again and they had taken Asian food with them, the last thing Strahm thought about was water, or rather the shower.

,,Did they mix up my sauces?" asked Strahm, leaning back on the couch with his noodles and glad to be back safely in the house.

They both always took the same thing and of course Hoffman knew exactly what his friend wanted because if Strahm didn't cook, Hoffman was screwed.

Instant soup and pasta was the only thing he could manage, but everything else would turn into a cooking lesson with his friend. ,,No, I don't think it's the same as always," Mark said dismissively, looking back at the screen and the ticking clock.

It must be working he thought and shoveled another spoonful of rice and chicken into his mouth. He knew it wasn't the sauce that tasted different, it was the crushed sleeping pills. Lawrence's special recipe as he remembered when the blond had given it to him.

Maybe it was his now somewhat radical conviction to persuade the human mind to do something he was afraid of, or maybe it was just a touch of madness in him.

But he had already heard the third yawn from his peer and knew that it was only a matter of time. He looked back at the screen, but after a few more minutes he heard the clink of the fork falling to the floor as Strahm fell asleep.

,,Time for a test," Hoffman mumbled and carefully placed his and Peter's food on the table before carrying his friend's body as gently as he could into the bathroom.

The shower wasn't huge but there was enough room for them to stand next to each other, but they didn't have to. He leaned Strahm carefully against the wall under the shower head and looked at his friend for a moment.

His shirt slightly unbuttoned and his tie hanging out of his trousers, a tired expression even in his sleep. And yet he was overcome with guilt again when he saw the scar on his friend's neck.

He moved his fingers carefully over it and felt the scarred tissue. ,,I'm sorry," he murmured as he let go of the scar and left a gentle kiss on it before turning on the shower and closing the door.

He waited for Peter to wake up and sat in front of him as best he could and looked at him, he would stay with him and show him that water didn't mean death.

The water had already almost completely soaked his shirt and he could see it sticking to his friend's skin and his pants. But he knew he didn't look any better himself, his hair hanging down as he leaned over to Peter and slapped him lightly on the cheek to wake him up.

,,Peter...come on...wake up," he said slowly, seeing how he woke up again after a few moments and was confused for a split second before he let out a cry of fear. ,,Get out of the way!" he shouted at Mark as he felt the water splashing down on him, grabbing Mark's shoulder and trying to push him aside.

There was sheer fear in his dark eyes. But Mark was quicker to grab the other's arms and pull him into a tight hug.

A hug that didn't let him escape, ,,It's okay, I'm here," he said and heard the echoing screams and pleas to let him go, he seemed like a frightened dog trying to crawl into a corner.

,,No! No! Let me fucking go Hoffman!" Peter continued to scream at him and tried to free himself, clawing and scratching at anything he could find, hitting and biting at a sight that stung Mark. Because he was indirectly responsible. He had done this to Peter.

Which is why he just pulled him even tighter and kept talking to him, hoping it would just stop at some point. That Peter would have to calm down at some point.

The special agent kicked his legs and managed to get the glass door of the shower to crack. ,,Peter, I'm here, you're not drowning, don't you hear me," said Mark, easing up a little as he felt the attempts to escape diminish and Strahn looked at his work with a shocked expression.

The splintered door, Hoffman's body with several bloody scratches and even a bite. But then he saw tears welling up in Strahm's eyes as he realized that it was finally over.

He carefully put a hand on his boyfriend's cheek, ,,What-What have I done? Forgive me," he murmured and Hoffman returned the hug and Mark hugged him.

The two of them were still being hit by the water, but neither of them cared, it was the overcoming that mattered.

And while Strahm told him over and over again, ,,I love you", it was Hoffman who had to fight back the tears as he looked at the slightly bloody water and only said, ,,I'm sorry I did this to you" and hugged him even tighter.

They had both repented in the water only to come out again at the end. In love and not brokenness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@a-reading-dreamer , @megustadilf , @klarise , @misslavenderlady , @mysunfishpeedinmyroom

[watercolor-hearts]

George said it's mental health day today, and since I'm bad at remembering the dates of important days, I, sadly, don't have anything new in mental health related topics I can show you but I still wanted to make a post about it because mental health is important and I have a story/universe about mental health issues and it's very important to me. ❤

In Sickness and In Health is about Seb and his depression, it's his healing journey with Kimi. This is not the usual multi-chapter story, it's more like a universe I sometimes write stories to. Happy and sad moments of their jouney.

Part 1 • Tumblr link • Ao3 link

Sebastian didn't plan it to be like this. He didn't plan his retirement to be about always being at home, not wanting to get out of bed and not having any motivation. He wanted to take up hobbies and work on environment-related things but then... Things changed. He didn't want to get out of bed. When he did get out of bed, he didn't want to go out. He just wanted to go back to bed. He felt tired. He couldn't sleep because it wasn't physical tiredness. It was mental. He just wanted to lay there and... exist.

[Trigger warnings at the beginning of each post/in the notes. Please read them before reading the story because there are some heavy topics.]

Part 2 • Tumblr link • Ao3 link

When it was sure Seb was asleep, Kimi covered him with a blanket that was on the top of the couch. When everything was done and the blanket was covering Seb everywhere from his neck to his toes, giving him the much-needed comfort, was the time when Kimi decided to nap for a bit too. He knew his back would be dead if he slept there but, to be honest, the only thing he cared about was his lover on top of him, sleeping peacefully; a calm moment after all the storms of the last few weeks, even months. Therapy sessions, arguments, struggles with the food he was supposed to eat, and long nights filled with crying; it wasn’t easy. It’s never easy but now there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. The winter slowly turned into spring, the birds started to chirp and the sun started showing its rays again. People say the sun helps when you’re sad or feel down. Maybe a walk outside in the sunshine could help, Kimi thought before drifting off as well. Maybe the sunshine will help his Sunshine to find himself again.

A little extra moment • Tumblr link • Ao3 link

“You know you can always listen to my heart, right?” Kimi broke the silence, making Seb open his eyes. “Or just feel it. You can. Any time. If it helps.” “Really?” Seb asked, lifting his head to look at Kimi. “I mean... I have it. All the time. So yeah,” Kimi smiled, making Seb smile as well, “You can always ask for a hug or a cuddle, or if that's too much you can just put your hand on my chest or feel my pulse on my wrist or wherever you want to, really. If I can help you simply by existing, why wouldn't I do it? I want you to be okay. I want you to be happy.”

And an illustration I made of two scenes of this universe: Tumblr link • Ao3 link

If you've read the stories and liked them, don't be afraid to comment or send an ask with your favorite parts of it. You can even ask about the stories/universe or send ideas for future stories. I'm always open to readers' suggestions because I want to write the moments from this journey the readers most interested in. 😊

[I already have an ask with a few ideas in my inbox and I hope I can write them as soon as possible. Sorry Nyx for making you wait so much. ❤ — Thank you for the ideas again.]

And please don't forget to take care of yourselves and don't be afraid to ask for help when things become too much. It doesn't worth not telling it to anyone and suffering silently. Asking for help is never a weakness. ❤

[burstingwithbellies]

I smile, your flirtatious remark showed me how much you changed. Not physically, anybody can see that. But mentally. To think you used to want those pounds to come off. I feed you more of your dinner, a smirk spreading across my face.

"And what would that goal weight be?"

You chew, swallow, and get cutoff be an ominous creaking. The couch cracks and splits, making you jostle and jiggle as you sink towards the center. You clutch your belly in pain, not from the fall but from how it woke up the quintuplets, their kicks tossing your several meals around.

I couldn't do much about the couch situation, but you didn't stay there long because the quints were very punctual, arriving exactly on nine month mark. The doctors were surprised about every aspect of your pregnancy. How much you weighed before and gained during the pregnancy. The number of babies and size of them made them shocked you weren't premature. I had the doctor weigh you once the babies were out of you but kept you from knowing the number.

You stayed at the hospital for a while. You had gotten bored of the bland hospital food. You were given extra meals but you could swear the doctors were making you lose weight with how little they were. Finally I had returned, ready to bring my prized piggy home.

I rolled in on a comedically large mobility scooter. I looked like a child driving a car with how big the seat was. I hoped out and presented the scooter to you. The extra wide seat was the only custom feature you cared about. I had been training for this moment, my hands digging deep into your fat rolls. I grunted as I tried to help you into the scooter. You rolled out of the bed and into the scooter, your body looking like jelly as it eventually stopped jiggling. Tired, I threw myself on top of your beanbag belly. You drove out to the parking lot were I finally regained my strength to take you home.

After stopping for some drive-thru, you noticed that I wasn't driving the direction of the house. You mentioned I was going the wrong way but I crammed another burger into your mouth.

"You never would have noticed because you spent half a year on the couch, but the house was for sale for a while. The rooms were empty well before you popped. You don't need to worry about what I've planned or how long I've planned it, you just focus on the food and getting fatter."

The new house was a gorgeous mansion. The front doors were massive and wide, it was the first time in years you didn't have to be squeezed through. I guided you to a huge room on the first floor. Inside there was a bed that took up most of the room. The walls were lined with minifridges and a walk-in closet had been repurposed into a small kitchen.

"This is an Alaskan King bed. It is 9 ft. by 9 ft. and I am certain you will not outgrow it, but we are going to try anyway. You remember our nanny? It turns out her sister is a professional chef, so I hired her too"

A cart full of baked goods and sweets is rolled into the room by a woman who look just like the nanny but slightly older and fatter. You settle into your new throne, your weight already sinking into the mattress. You start eating the treats by the handfuls, moaning in pleasure with how fresh they are. I firmly grab your belly and lift it up, tipping you over onto your back so I can start breeding you again.

(1) (2) (3) (5) (6)

I don’t know why I denied myself of this before. I don’t know why I was so stubborn and didn’t submit sooner.

You elate more moans out of me as you supply my latest filling of your babies. The food falls out of my hand. My mind shatters with each thrust and as my rolls jostle. Everything is moving. My voluptuous flesh, I can especially feel it now as you pound me. My paunch slaps you and it slaps against my own body. There is so much moving, you’ve made me so obese. I’ve never been so aware of my weight before, so labored by it, so held back by it. And it’s all because of you.

I am beyond morbidly obese and still advancing in size, because of you. I’m becoming unrecognizable, because of you.

This was paradise.

God, I want to eat, but I want you too. I can’t get a grip of my food as you’re fucking me, but I want to be filled in both ends.

“Hmmm ~ Give me more babies! 12 is just not enough!” I want all your babies and to be as fat as inhumanly possible. “All this fat isn’t enough. I need more!”

From there on out, I really let loose. I can’t go a full hour without eating something. My growth doesn’t stop for a moment nor slow down. I do get knocked up again and my pregnancy amplifies my development. You will be a father to 10 in the next 9 months. We will become parents to an astounding 22 children in less than 5 years.

“More!” My meals increase too. My breakfasts are heavier, my lunches triple and my dinners could feed a large family. And I’ve become so disgustingly greedy, so much so that I still yell “I’m starving!” through after all of what I just mentioned.

I’ve become a relentless food disposal.

“Honey, just how big am I now?” I pant while I’m stuffed to the gills, yet hungry. I’m always either hungry or full or both. It is amazing; to be full and at this size. My capacity for food has enlarged, but I’m always go over my limits still.

My last remaining clothes that I have on were like string attached to me, ready to snap. My tits were heavy and bigger than my own head. My colossal tummy that dwarfs anyone who may encounter it has long prevented me from getting up ever again.

I have gone without walking for so long that I have forgotten what it was like. Or what it was like to even be out of bed. I had outgrown my scooter. My custom built scooter was broken due to my weight and size, so I haven’t moved in a long while.

If you were to lift me off the bed somehow, you would probably see the shape of my gigantic ass imprinted on the mattress. The only thing I’m able to move nowadays were my arms, but even that is a little hard. I struggle to reach my mouth and feed myself. Even my prime function, I can’t deliver on anymore.

I have grown so much that now I just let you feed me, and honestly, that’s how I prefer it that way

“Baby, tell me.” I sweated as you lifted my belly to reach underneath me, readying yourself to give me newest batch of babies. I had gone through my pregnancy with my decuplets too fast. They were overdue babies, but it was too quick for me. I needed more.

I want it more.

I want more so badly. But I needed to know my size first. With labored breaths, I begged again: “Tell me how big I am! Tell me what it is before you impregnate me up again. I’ve grown so much for you, it’s the least you could do.”

[libraryofalexianne-jia]

My first adulting rodeo maybe?

I have been a fresh graduate for a few months now — three and a half months to be exact. Maybe it's not even considered "fresh" anymore since a new batch of graduates will be having their commencement exercise in a few weeks' time. Although sue me if I still feel like I graduated just last week, what with all the things that happened to me in those three months that I didn't really get to experience "the bum life" that all newly-graduates deserve. And yet... I feel like three months is already a long time to be resting and I feel like I should have already moved on to the next stage of my life: the adulting life.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I've been taking things for granted. Sure, I had my baking class. Add to the mix my non-stop daughter duties, especially just recently when my dad was confined to a hospital for ear surgery and I had to also do some guardian duties. But when I had the time, which I rarely did, I applied to various companies through a couple of online job portals. And when I got invited for an assessment, I take a leave from my baking class or reschedule whatever it is that I have on that coinciding day.

And the prayers. All those nights that I knelt down, praying — no, begging — for Him to give me a job. All those tears that came with the prayers. And all I am asking was simple: a job that no matter how much the salary is, as long as it could cover the tithes, my savings, the entire bills, my daily expenses e.g. my food and transportation allowances, would be okay with me. And most importantly, a job wherein I'd get to be a salt and light to those I'd be working with, a job that would bring glory to Him.

And at first, it was amazing, like I said in one of my previous posts. And I know I said that all I would do was to be patient with His plans. But a lot has happened around and within me, that is making it hard for me to keep up my efforts of being patient.

My downward ride was that my heart got settled on this one company that I applied for. The recruiter got so transparent with me, disclosing every important thing and more which, to make the long story short, really really enticed me and made me hope that I get the job. I was hoping that this is already my God-given job. I have peace in my heart, and I couldn't ask for anything else in terms of the work environment and the salary. So when I got the text message which was the harbinger of the murky days, I did not feel anything at first other than the blinding shock. I was so shocked that I was dumbfounded. I tried to feel something and be able to think of something, even to mentally acknowledge the disappointment that I know I should be feeling, but it was really nada.

Until the following day, or maybe it was the following week: I did not know because the change was really gradual. I first noticed that I was mentally whining about getting up. I felt like I have the right to, and should be staying in bed instead of doing anything. Next thing I noticed was the constant rapid heartbeat. The moment I noticed these physical signs was the only time that I realized the mental signs: that I apparently have started mentally beating myself up; I was attacking my own self-esteem for not being good enough.

As a Psychology graduate, and also as a Christian, I know that these thoughts should not have its own room in my mind. As a Psychology graduate, I know that the mental and physical "symptoms" I experienced may lead to something else. As a Christian, I know that just by fully embracing the sovereignty and the promises of God — especially the promise of Him having something great in store for each of us —I know that the God-given work I've prayed for and have been seeking will eventually come to me. That all it would take from me is my patience and perseverance. In consequence, I busied myself with my favorite past times: reading the Bible and watching tv shows. And praise God, they worked. I was back up in quite a short time, and I have enough courage to resume applying again.

And look where it got me: I finally have a work! It has a good salary, it's just a ride away, despite it being project-based. Hey, I'm not complaining about it being contractual (my mom does though) because I might take the Psychometrician Board Exam this coming October so I will need the early out to review.

This stage in my life was truly like a rodeo ride for me. I had my high points and had one of the lowest points in my life. I feel like everything happened in their due timing, yet some happened too fast and some too slow. This point in my life may be confusing and dizzying, and maybe even tiring, but in the end, I went through all of it and ended up happy and victorious. Of course, the credit is not mine but His up high, for guiding me, comforting me, and helping me out when I felt lost. Also, if it really wasn't for His promise of giving us great things - all in His time, I may already have given up a long time ago. This ride is definitely one for the books.

[diary-episs]

havent written here in like foreverrrrrr, been to sjasks and bjørks birthday and just like studying. Bjørks birthday was pretty fun, liked talking with like salbo, smiggs, mathilde and bjørk! didn't get too drunk.

Sjasks birthday was a lot of fun too, we played fissehul and I got to talk with Hazel and Magnus. Sarah is kinda annoying ngl, can't really take jokes and her and Magnus' relationship is kinda obviously not gonna last. Plus Sarah is really stingy with like everything, especially her weed. She gives like extreme sheltered only child vibes. Everything has to be an exchange, like I give you this and get this. Instead of just like sharing??? Also the first time we met she misgendered me before knowing my pronouns and traumadumped on me. idk shes tolerable but I don't want to spend with her one on one.

anyway at Sjasks birthday i got really drunk and then smoked some weed with sarah (stingy lol) and then I started passing out and stuff, until I puked where I started feeling better. Hazel was really helpsome and caring, she held me up and like sat with me when I puked. I love her so so so much, she's so nice to me. She also went to get food with me afterwards and offered to pay. Birk was also really nice about it and got me water. My bed felt so nice after all that shit.

Anyway I'm studying for physics exam, probably gonna get 02 or 00 lol.

I've been with Hazel for 9 months now and we haven't had any big problems at all. like we've only had one argument and it was just based on misunderstandings.

Sjask and Nik are somehow still together, but like their relationship has so many problems. Like they're both really codependent which is probably the main thing holding them together, a lot of the time I've been with them, I've ended up having to comfort one of them bc of the other. talked with Birk about it and like they agree that they won't last. Also Aisha and August are together and like happy as far as I know, they had a few bumps in the beginning but they're good. They got together at new years, I was at Willys party instead of theirs, got high and just like sat on their couch and ate the whole time.

We also went to Galla, the warm-up was so much fun. Sjask, Nik, Birk, Amina and Jamie got locked out before I even arrived. We had a really nice time by the canals in Sydhavn. I got really drunk on the way to our school, so did sjask. The way there was really fun and then when we got there I wanted to watch Raske Penge and Klumpen so I accidentally left the others cause drunk yk? I really really felt like I knew the words to songs I definitely didn't know the words to lol. I talked a bit with Nora about their love life while really drunk. Anyway Nik got really worried and bpd about sjask because he couldn't find them and he promised to protect her. I did my best to comfort him and then when we found sjask she'd just been talking to Birk the entire time. Then me, jamie, nik, birk, Amina, and that one person whose name i still don't know left to get food and sjask didn't wanna come with us. The plans got scrambled and Sjask called Nik because she changed her mind, we then had to find a very drunk Sjask whose mood swings were off the charts, like crying and laughing back to back. She apparently wanted to find a pin she'd lost and had kinda made up that she saw it across the street and since she wasn't in any condition to cross the street i went over and checked, no pin to be found. That wasn't enough so she decided she needed to check. But like cars and she was out of it. So we hold her back, she gets triggered and hits nik, looks for the pin, no pin. She then after cooling off realizes that she has hit her boyfriend and starts becoming apologetic and crying and shit. had to comfort sjask for the entire bus ride despite the fact that nik definitely needed and deserved it more, there's been a lot of comforting those two. Especially cause they're both really mentally ill.

[lookedafterchild]

My Second Foster Care Placement - Moving in / the first day it was October and the last day of term before Halloween. and once I got out I had a week to finally move in with Carol and John. I didn't know what to expect but it couldn't be as bad as moving in with Sally; my first foster care placement.  (Learn More By My First Foster Placement) after finishing the appointment, I was taken to the GP. this was not just a general visit but an update on an ongoing medical issue with a groin infection caused by a mixture of issues. and "The Thing". after an unsuccessful attempt of trying to get an examination, I was taken back to my new home! after the rather intrusive beginning, I got home I don't remember doing too much.  I was just relieved to be out of Sally's care.  I socialized with the other children as well as Carol and John. had a meal and packed my stuff into my new room. Living With Carol And John I moved in with the same bags that I brought with me carrying what possessions I had still owned from over the years. when I moved in there were two older foster children. I got on rather well with them both. the eldest I didn't see much of but I remember talking a lot and playing video games with the younger one of the two. both these placements didn't last the entirety of the time I was placed there. and after a year and a half, two younger siblings moved in. I trusted Carol and the first few months went by. but I still had a lot of issues and problems that needed dealing with. my emotions were unstable. and my mind never at rest. worst of all was the solitude and isolation I put myself through whilst feeding my addiction to computers and the internet. in fact this is a quote from one of my, in fact, social services review plans "Li Spends all his time on his computer. it's so hard to get him to engage in a social environment. if he could, he would spend his life on the computer. living in a fantasy world". but they were not in the wrong to have a concern. I Was A Complicated Child.   I brought many challenges for Carol as I was growing up into a young adult, I was known to have stolen Food items from the carol and to have trust and anxiety issues. Hated All Social Situations mainly because I was battling my own demons and had the worst track record in school for causing issues, but Carol kept trying and pushing me to get all the support and care I needed. no matter what. School while in foster care. one of our biggest issues and complications apart from my mental health was school. I had a track record of fights, missing classes. getting excluded and even theft of a laptop and hacking computers. but my biggest issue was the lack of support I had there - or the fact I didn't feel like anyone understood me. this is why my home and school life was like living two lives. My Mental health. While in foster care at the time when I first moved in my mental health had not hit its worst. it was only just developing and starting to spiral. this was due to a mixture of me going through changes physically as well as dealing with ongoing battles in my head due to a traumatic past life. carol was very patient with me  and supportive throughout my care with them Thanks for reading this edition of My Life Stories, within the Foster Care category. this post is shorter than past ones, the issue with this subject is it was a 4 year (close to 5) Placement that I hold close to me. Carol and John where great influences in my life. I was very lucky to have been placed with them for the time I was. this post may seem to show only negatives but I wish to go into some stories and events more in detail in the future.  just got to word it correctly. apparently from my grammar and word processing software, there may be some issues with sentence lengths, and consecutive use of the same word. as well as passive writing which is somewhat hard to avoid right now haha.  I apologize if it was hard for you to read. Feel free to get in to

uch! intrested in this story, maybe check out this foster care story from Liam here

[deadlygronkle]

Chapter 6 of ancestor's legacy

“AGAIN?!” Twilight winced at the sudden loud voices coming from the other Links, or more specifically Time, Wild, Wind, and surprisingly Hyrule. The others had looks of unmasked shock which was surprising to Twilight as usually the Links are very good at masking what they are truly feeling, Legend especially.

“Um, yeah?” Twilight replied a bit confused at their reactions, after all this isn’t the first time he made references to his journey in a pain scale ratio. 

As Twilight tried to think back on what happened, he could only recall fighting the monsters, using the mortal draw on his opponents, getting slashed along his abdomen, and barely holding off the moblins before passing out.

What Twilight couldn't make sense of was that he remembered seeing the Hero's Shade who looked younger…. or at least less eroded by time. Then the Hero' Shade was replaced with Time who looked concerned.

Twilight internally sighed before thinking 'Must've been a dream or rather a nightmare' letting the matter rest.

“Well Pup are you going to answer us on how it came to be that you needed to jump off your world’s Great Hylian Bridge into an empty river?” Time asked. Though it was more of an order than a question. Time's tone was cold with disapproval. 

"I - Uh -  Well" Twilight floundered under the stern, disapproving gaze of his mentor. Twilight's stomach chose this chance to make it known that it hadn't eaten anything since yesterday, with a loud grumble that made a few of the Links snicker.

Taking the chance to change the subject Twilight started to get ready and get up despite the pain and said “Who’s hungry? I feel like I could eat an entire Ordonian goat by myself!” desperately trying to change the subject.

Twilight propped himself up on his elbows, mentally preparing himself for the pain that will inevitably follow, but before he could make much progress Sky stood from where he was sitting to Twilight's right. As Sky gently pushed him back down he said  “Sorry Twi you are on bed rest for at least a week, doctor’s orders.” 

Warriors, who is, in Twilight's professional opinion, an asshole, suggested “Why don't we go and find the doctor so we can figure out what he can eat, and once we all eat some breakfast in here, he can tell us the story."

Twilight looked over at Warriors and glared, only for Warriors to grin wider and say, “what? We have barely heard anything about your journey. I am not passing up the chance to hear about how you thought that was a great plan.”

Before Twilight could snap at the Knight Time said “Sounds like a plan I’ll stay in here and make sure Twilight doesn’t decide to get up.” Twilight could still feel Time’s gaze on him.

All of the Links excluding Time and Twilight filled out of the room one by one to collect food from the kitchens. With Warriors and Hyrule going to look for Doctor Diane, and the other 5 going to collect their food to bring back to Twilight's room. 

Wind replaced Sky on Twilight’s right for a brief moment, and hugged him as gently as he physically could and whispered  ‘I am glad you are alright.”. Wind just as fast as he came over left with his usual pep in his step. Twilight couldn't respond to Wind before Wind left his sight.

Silence quickly over the room now that the other Links were gone. After a minute or so Twilight broke the silence by looking over at Time and saying "I assume you have some questions for me?"

Time's response was to raise one eyebrow while looking down at his protege, who had a mixture of guilt and shame written on his face. Time sighed before saying “Yes I do, but I will hold off on the questions for now until you’re better.”. Twilight physically relaxed a bit at this. “But only on two conditions, one that you answer my most important question and two, you won’t shy away from my questions when the time comes.”

Twilight knows that this deal will only delay the inevitable but at least he will be able to deal with the conversation when he can at least walk/move without pain. Twilight prays to whatever goddesses is listening, where its Hylia, Farore, or Ordona, the protector of the place where Twilight had first trained with the Hero’s Shade, that the conversation they inevitably have won’t be the reason why Time lingers for who knows how long as a Stalfos instead of being with Malon in the afterlife.

Twilight, with that last thought in mind, begrudgingly says “Deal, what’s your question?”

Time leans back on his chair, satisfied that he managed to be a promise out of his stubborn descendant replies with a “Your left arm apparently has some bad scarring, calluses, and was a bit inflamed, want to explain what that is about Pup?” 

Twilight’s mind went blank ‘What scars could the old man be talking about?’ Twilight thinks as he takes his left hand out from under the covers with little difficulty. Twilight stares at his arm trying to see if he can find anything unusual, the only scarring he can see is from the chain in his wolf form either rubbing or whipping against his arm. Sure the area around where the chain rubs is a bit inflamed…. Oh that is what he is talking about.

To make sure it was indeed what Time was talking about he pointed at it with his right hand and said “Is this what you are talking about?” As Twilight looked up from his examination of his arm he saw Time’s face had lost most of its color as his one good eye was transfixed on the scarring on his arm.

Time was horrified at the state his Pup’s arm is in. Not only was there heavy calluses about one inch above his wrist but it was a shade of bright pink that was saved for burns and infections, which Time supposes makes sense given the description the Doctor gave him yesterday. What was also concerning was the slashes were random above and a tiny bit below the thick band of calluses. The size of the slashes were random as well, some not much bigger than a quarter of an inch, others were long and gagged. Every single one of the scars look an irritated pink.

Time briefly wondered how he never noticed how bad it was before, and then thought of the fact that Twilight hardly ever took off his bracers and when he did it was at the end of the day when everyone was preoccupied by eating, talking, or trying to sleep. 

“Pup what happened, who, or what did this?” Time says this as he looked at Twilight’s face who was now concerned at this reaction Time had.

“Uhm well.” Twilight lets out an awkward fanged tooth smirk “It was from a mixture of things, you know how ‘wolfie’ has a metal cuff and bit of chain on his, or well my left arm?” 

Time somewhat realizing where this is going “Yes, how did that get attached to you in the first place?”. Time was furious when he first learned that Wolfie and Twilight were the same person and someone had chained him up and left him to die, but never really thought to ask the specifics on how he was chained. After Time calmed down a bit he started to call Twilight ‘Pup’ much to Pup’s chagrin.

“I was getting to that,” Twilight sighed ‘So much for avoiding talking about my journey’ Twilight thought. “The kids in my village were kidnapped so I went after them. Long story short I was dragged into a ‘twilight zone’ by a creature of twilight, my triforce somehow turned me into a wolf so I could move around and not become a spirit. The pain was so bad I passed out. Next thing I knew I was in a cell chained up in a corner, and with a little help from…  an ally I was able to escape. Never saw who put me in there.” Twilight chose his words carefully as he didn’t want to dig at old, but painful wounds talking about Midna.

“Well my ally could only cut the chain so as to not risk hurting me in the process, and I can’t get it removed because all of the blacksmiths of my time are all scared of wolves. So over time the cuff has rubbed off the skin and fur under it raw and the ‘lashes’ are from when the chain occasionally hits against my leg while I’m running or something.”. Looking at Time’s blank contemplating face Twilight quickly adds, “It happened more when I first transformed than it does now.”

There was a brief pause before Time slowly said “Y’know you don’t have to have that chain on anymore.” 

Twilight looked at him in confusion “What do you mean?”.

Time’s eye crinkled in amusement “Four knows that you and wolfie are one in the same, and he is a blacksmith, so he has the skills and knowledge to take it off. You could’ve just asked him!”

Twilight's face was blank before the realization hit him like getting run over by a rideable boar “Oh. My. Goddesses?! Why didn’t I think of that?!” Twilight practically yelled, taking both hands and covering his face.

Time seeing his descendant laying there, head on the pillow with his hand covering his face, with ears pink with embarrassment, just like his do, broke down in loud, booming laughter at his protege never thinking of asking Four to help him, even though they have talked in great lengths about Four’s skills in the forge.

Time opened his watery eye to see Twilight having a look of complete and utter embarrassment and horror ears a brighter pink than before which made Time practically break down again but, this time in his more usual, and more importantly to Twilight, quieter chuckle.

Twilight mumbled out “It isn’t that funny, I just never thought about asking ‘im”

Time wiping his eye said “Sorry, Pup, it's just that somehow throughout however many generations passed between my time and yours, your ears turn pink just like mine do.”

Twilight let out a weak laugh “So it wasn’t about me not realizing I could ask Four to take off that Goddesses damned shackle?”

Time, still with amusement in his eye said “Oh no it was also about that, I am going to hold this over your head for a long time Pup. I can’t wait to tell Malon.”. When Time added that last part Twilight sighed in defeat just as the door was flung open by the other Links each carrying a tray of food or in Warriors, and Wild’s cases two trays.

“Tell Malon what?” Wind asked curiously as he walked in the room after Hyrule.

“Oh it's nothing you should concern yourself with Sailor” Time said still smirking. Twilight internally sighed, relieved that he won’t have to live through that again. 

“So Twilight can have food but it has to be simple stuff, so we got him bread and some simple beef broth. Oh! And you need to take this after you eat.” Wild sat down one of the trays on the bedside table and with one hand went into his sheikah tablet to bring out a full red potion, making Twilight grimace at the thought of drinking one of those.

Before Twilight could refuse and say he changed his mind about eating, so he didn’t have to take the red potion, his stomach grumbled so loud that it made a few of the Links snicker. Twilight, once again sighing in defeat, propped himself on his elbows mentally preparing for the pain, when Time and Wild were on either of his sides in an instant. Each of them took one of his arms, and before Twilight could protest he grunted in pain as they hauled him up into a sitting position with his back resting against the headrest/wall.

“Could’ve done that by myself” Twilight grumbled as his food was put in a bed tray so he could eat and not have to lean down so much.

“Just accept the fact that they aren’t going to let you do anything by yourself until your better dumbass” Legend snarked as he pulled up a chair to eat his, in Twilight’s opinion, much more appetizing food. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After everyone was finished eating Twilight was staring in contempt at the health potion he was currently holding. To everyone that knew his secret he looked like a puppy that had just been told he couldn’t have a treat.

“Hurry up and drink the damn Potion Twi! I want to hear your excuse on why it was a bright idea to jump off your Great Hylia Bridge!” Warriors complained, wanting something to make fun of Twilight with.

Wild helpfully added in Warriors favor cheekily “You are only delaying the inevitable.”

Twilight sighed “I was really hoping you would forget about that.”

To which they responded with a cheekily “Not on your life!” and “Nope!” from Warriors and Wild respectively.

Twilight then yanked the cork off of the red potion and downed it in one go and then grimaced at the taste. As he looked up he saw everyone waiting expectantly for his story.

“Let’s see where to start…. So my Hyrule was put under a spell that affected nearly everyone but me, my Zelda and a few others, in which they were all practically ghosts and were stuck in a trance not realizing they couldn’t do anything. I overheard some of the guards talking about how they needed to go investigate Lake Hylia because the river dried out so I decided to investigate it. On my way over as I was walking on the Great Hylia Bridge I noticed that it smelled funny. Around half way across the bridge a bublin archer jumped out on the other side and fired two arrows lighting each side of the bridge on fire and was very quickly coming to engulf me.”

Legend interjected saying “Wait are you telling us that you somehow didn’t recognize the oil on the bridge and decided to continue walking the bridge? Not only that but the spell cast on your land was so powerful that it made everyone go into a trance, but the monsters, who was powerful enough to do all that?”

“Believe me that guy as a certified asshole, and was in league with my time’s version of Ganon, and as to how he did it, I only know that he decided to send his minions to the spirits watching over the land, to steal some of their power and then sealed it away in these weird little insects that I had to destroy.” Twilight replied knowing some would doubt his story.

“So since the bridge was on fire you decided that the best way to not get burnt was to…. jump off of a bridge several stories to an empty river bed?” Sky guessed brow creased in increasing concern.

“It wasn’t completely empty, there was a bit of water at the bottom that I landed in.” Twilight said as he was trying in vain to defend his actions.

“That’s even worse than landing in a relatively soft sandy river bed! Did you even land in the water properly to minimize the damage?” Warriors asked clearly, enjoying Twilight’s uncomfortable shifting.

“No…. I was more concerned with the fact I was a bit caught on fire.” Twilight said and while seeing Time’s shock added quickly “Even if I tried to do that! It was way too shallow for that!” Twilight stopped and realized what he just said and looked up in horror to see Sky’s, Time’s, Wind’s, and Hyrule’s, Four’s shocked and horrified faces, Warriors’, Legend’s, amused faces at Twilight’s slip up while he was trying to make it not sound as bad as it was, and Wild’s face of pure indignation.

“You get on my case all the time about jumping from high stuff with my glider and yet here you are jumping from high things on fire, and with no way to slow your fall?!” Wild shouted.

Wind stared at him in shock and said “My grandma drilled it into my head that landing on water from high up makes it feel like landing on stone, and that you would break all of your bones, how did you manage to continue your quest?!”

“What the fuck Pup” Time bluntly stated concerned at his descendants lack of concern for his own well being. It seems like Twilight had more of a one track mind than Time himself had on his quest.

“How did you survive?!” Four and Hyrule said, each with an expression of horror. 

Sky stared at him slack jawed, knowing how much it hurts just landing on his loftwing from a story or two up, especially at the beginning when he first bonded with his. Twilight jumped from easily twice that.

Twilight cringed at everyone shouting at once, hurting his sensitive ears. 

“Oooo Twi is in trouble” Warriors unhelpfully added after everyone finished talking over each other earning him a halfhearted jab in the side by Legend who also looked just as amused by the current events as Warriors.

Twilight, once again glared at Warriors for his addition before saying “It wasn’t that bad. Sure it hurt, but it was easy enough to walk off, once I woke up. At that point in my quest, me being hurt was far from my greatest concern.”

“And what exactly was more important than your own well being?” Sky asked, giving a glare that made Twilight shiver. Twilight could count on one hand the amount of times he’s seen that look on Sky’s face and it's just his luck that Sky is giving him that look.

“The children of my village were taken by King Bulblin, the only reason I even started on my quest was because I was trying to get them back. Hell, the only way I found out what happened to Hyrule was because of them getting kidnapped, and the only way I could even think about bringing them back was to lift the curse on Hyrule.” Twilight snapped, now irritated at being interrogated from something that happened years ago.

Before anyone else had a chance to ask anything else Doctor Diane walked through the opened door with a bag full of medical supplies said “Excuse me, I am sorry to interrupt but I need to check and redress my patients wounds,”

[lostinthewiind]

Piss Off Your Parents - Part 9

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren’t a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner’s 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: PG13

Warnings: arguing, harsh language, swearing

Song → 18 by Anarbor

Previous → Part 8

Next → Part 10

The trek up the stairs from the store to the apartment felt like climbing a never-ending escalator that was going the wrong way. After the day you had had, you were both mentally and physically exhausted and ready to call it a night early.

Thankfully, as if you had finally hit a stroke of luck that day, Keishin had texted you saying that he would pick up dinner on the way home, saving you the exertion of having to leave the apartment again. So, with that information in mind, you kicked off your shoes for the day and fell unceremoniously onto the couch in the living room.

As you sat down, you heard the envelope in your back pocket crinkle and the sudden noise seemed to completely fill the otherwise silent apartment.

Ah yes, the envelope.

Pulling the decision to your future out of your back pocket, you stared at it for what felt like another hour or so. No matter how long you held the envelope in your hands, you couldn't force yourself to open it. You simply didn't want to.

At some point between when your mother had handed it to you and now, you had subconsciously decided that you wanted to choose your own path forward despite what the decision letter may or may not say.

Feeling strangely empowered and confident, you stood to your feet and ventured into the bedroom where you slipped the envelope into one of the drawers Keishin was letting you keep your clothes in and tucked it underneath one of your sweaters. Maybe one day you would open the damn thing when whatever was inside wasn't weighing so heavily on your mind and future, but today was not that day.

Just then, you heard the front door open and knew Keishin had arrived home. Closing the drawer, you plastered a smile across your face and exited the bedroom to greet your boyfriend.

"Welcome home, Dear," you giggled, trying your best to fake the part of a doting housewife. "How was the volleyball game?"

Keishin chuckled softly as you took the takeout bags from him. "It was a close game, but they pulled it together in the last set and won."

"Oh, good!" You placed the bags onto the table before retrieving some plates and chopsticks from the kitchen.

"How was your day?" he asked as he pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek.

You sighed as you thought back on your day. "It was okay," you answered, not really wanting to go into much more detail than that. You doubted Keishin wanted to hear about your minuscule problems with rude customers after the long day he had clearly had.

Keishin, however, picked up on your uncertainty right away. "Doesn't sound okay," he commented. "Want to talk about it?"

You shrugged. "Just some shitty customers. Seems I had forgotten how poorly low-level workers are treated sometimes . . . just threw me a little," you said. "I'll be fine. Just glad the day is over now."

"You and me both." He flashed a smile as he turned to head for the bedroom. "I'm just going to change quickly and then we'll eat."

"Sounds good." You started dishing out some of the food. "I was also thinking we could watch a movie tonight as well. I could use something to clear my mind."

"Sitting on the couch with a beer is an ideal evening in my book," you heard him respond faintly from the bedroom. "There's a new action movie that came out. I think it's about-"

You waited for Keishin to finish his sentence, but when he didn't, you cocked your head and looked toward the bedroom doorway. Before you had the chance to call out to him, he appeared in the doorway shirtless, eyebrows furrowed and the envelope from the university in his hand.

"W-why do you have that?" you asked, the look on his face upon discovering the letter making your heart drop. "That was in my drawer . . . why were you going through my things?"

"I was looking for my sweater, the one you always steal," he answered. "Y/N . . . what is this?"

Rounding the table and approaching Keishin, you snatched the envelope out of his hand. "That is one of the many reasons why my day today was so shitty."

As you turned to head for the kitchen to toss the envelope in the garbage and rid your life of it, Keishin followed you. "You didn't get in?" he inquired.

You shrugged. "I have no idea. I didn't open it."

As you moved to toss the letter into the trash, Keishin grabbed your wrist and stopped you. "Why are you throwing it out if you didn't open it yet?"

"Because I don't care what it says. I've decided that I'm going to stay here with you and work at the store. This is the life I want . . . the life I get to choose for myself."

"You should still open it," he reasoned. "You might change how you feel about it when you see the result."

"I don't want to change how I feel about it." You shook your head as you gently pried your wrist out of his grip. "No need to make things more difficult than they need to be. I've had enough difficulty for one lifetime, thank you very much. This decision is easy, and best of all, it makes me happy."

Gesturing to the envelope, Keishin sighed. "But this is what you wanted. When you told me about your dream to play soccer at the University of Tokyo, your face lit up. Why are giving up on your dream before you've even given yourself a chance to experience it?"

"Dreams can change, Keishin," you told him before sighing and deciding to humour him for a moment. "Okay, let's say I open this letter and somehow did get in. What then? I couldn't pay for that school in my wildest dreams; not without my parents' help. Sometimes dreams are just childish and unrealistic. So I found a new dream, one with us living here together."

"You could apply for student loans. Tons of people do." He folded his arms across his chest. "I don't think this is about the money or your parents. I think this is about us. You've gotten comfortable here."

Throwing your hands up into the air in exasperation, you huffed. "And so what if I have? Is that really so bad?"

"I just don't want you to throw away an opportunity like this over me."

"Over you?" you cocked a brow. "Because you're, what, trash? Not worth it? A lowlife? A burnout?"

Keishin bit at his bottom lip. "You know what's not what I meant."

Inhaling deeply, you glared down at the god-forsaken envelope in your hand and began to tear at the top. "Let's not fight about something that probably isn't even going to happen." You pulled the letter out and unfolded it, your eyes scanning the text quickly. "The University of Tokyo is notoriously difficult to get into and I-"

Keishin quirked a brow when you stopped mid-sentence. "What does it say?"

A broken laugh was the only thing you could manage as you lowered the letter and shook your head. "Un-fucking-believable." You handed the paper over to Keishin, the edge crumpled from where your grip had tightened when you read the decision.

Keishin looked at the page for all of two seconds before he found the bolded 'Congratulations' and a huge grin spread across his face. "You got in!" He was way more excited than you were about this. "This is good news. You can play soccer at the University of Tokyo. Come on, you can't tell me this doesn't make you at least a little happy."

"I wish it did," you answered honestly. "I wish it were that easy."

"It is! It can be." Keishin set the letter down on the counter and took your hands in his. "Student loans, part-time jobs, it's all possible. Sure, it might be a little tricky to work out, but it's totally possible."

When you didn't respond, Keishin hooked his fingers under your chin and tilted your head up to look at him. "Accept the spot at the university. Follow your dream," he told you.

". . . but I'll have to leave you." You felt the words catch in your throat and tried your hardest not to start crying. "You make me happy—you're the first thing that's made me genuinely happy in a long time—and I don't want to leave that for a chance at something that might not even work out."

"But what if it does work out? You don't know that it won't," he said softly. "Don't end up like me, looking back at your past and wondering what might have been if you had just chosen a different path. I know this might seem good enough for now, but how will you feel after ten or twenty years of working the same dead-end job for the same shit pay all while getting treated like shit by people who look down on you? Look at how one day of catering to pretentious assholes made you feel. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like that?"

"But what about you?" you asked, your voice shaky.

Keishin dropped his head, a few stray strands of hair falling into his face. Unlike that morning, when he had been asleep with loose hairs in his face, he looked annoyed and frustrated now. The bags under his eyes and tension lines on his forehead were a stark contrast to the soft, peaceful face you had woken up to that morning.

"Don't throw this away over me," he repeated. "Don't throw your future away over a 26-year-old burnout."

Lip quivering, you sucked in a deep breath. "I thought you were different . . . but you're just like everyone else."

Keishin eyed you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You said I should make my own decisions and live my life how I wanted but it was all a facade." You slipped your hand out of his and took a step back. "In the end, you're just like everyone else . . . you think you have a right to plan my future for me without giving me a say in the matter. You want to tell me how to live my life just like my parents."

"How could you say that?" Keishin almost snapped but managed to collect his anger before he did. "All I want is what's best for you."

You scoffed as you wiped a tear from your cheek. "If I had a penny for every time I've heard that I'd have enough money to pay for the University of Tokyo and then you'd get your damn wish . . . I'd be gone."

"When did I ever say I wanted you gone? Why are you so adamant that going to Tokyo means we can't be together?"

"Why are you so against just letting me make my own decision about this?! Why do I have to go to play soccer at that fucking university and leave you? I don't want to leave you!"

"Why not? Why are you so damn hung up on someone like me?!"

"Because I love you!" The two of you froze in place the second those words left your mouth. Chest heaving from the shouting and high emotions, you snapped your mouth shut before you said anything else in the heat of the moment.

Eyes wide, Keishin stared at you like a deer in headlights. "You what?"

You debated whether or not you should repeat what you had said, but by then, the damage had been done. "I love you," you breathed. "And I know you told me not to fall in love with you . . . but I did. I fell hard and fast and now I'm stuck in you and I cannot possibly leave you so please stop asking me to."

You waited for what felt like an eternity for Keishin to say something, say anything. He opened his mouth a few times like he was about to, but nothing ever came out.

"Keishin . . ." You took a cautious step forward. "Please say something."

Keishin swallowed hard before looking you directly in the eyes. "If I said I didn't love you back, would you go?"

You felt your heart crack and the sensation of being punched in the gut spread throughout your entire body. "Is that what you're saying? You don't love me?"

"If I didn't, would you leave?"

You inhaled sharply. "If you look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you don't feel the same way that I do; that everything over the past few months has meant nothing to you, there would be no possible way I could stay in Miyagi," you answered truthfully. "If you tell me that you don't love me and that you never have, I would have no reason to stay in this prefecture."

Keishin's lips parted once more. "Y/N . . . I-" His brown eyes locked onto yours and you could feel what he was about to say even though he never did. "I . . . I can't do this right now."

With that, he brushed past you, grabbed a sweater from the bedroom and threw it on before storming out of the apartment, leaving you and the now cold takeout food alone.

Tears in your eyes and a lump in your throat, you turned to look over your shoulder at the decision letter sitting on the counter, practically taunting you.

You should have thrown the thing out the second your mom dropped it off. Or better yet, maybe you should have never made that deal with Keishin and applied for the university in the first place.