#physically i am the weakest and least healthy i have literally ever been.

[ghostzzy]

there is just. no area of my life in which i am feeling fulfilled or successful. and there hasn't been in several years.

[nickywhoisi]

HAAAAAAAHHH SO IT HAS BEEN A WHILE

Curently in a place where I can finally access battery for my phone, and internet. I really wish I didn't have this take so long, as I apparently...have an audience now? Who actually likes what I have to say and provide? O_O wowzers I am so unready for this love. But it is...you have no idea how welcome it is, to just be noticed by people. It has been ACTUAL AGES OF MY LIFESPAN before I was evr given a proper chance at healthy attention, and positive relations like this. I am so...overwhelmed, but for once, that's in a good way. For once, I can feel glad and good about it.

Which is especially importantin my life, as I have...kind of lost everything I had once known and valued, loved, in my life. My home many years ago that has only gotten worse over time with the strangers owning and tearing it up in ways I vould never even describe, the last places I had which were at least places I tried to relax and enjoy myself in and attempt to start my own life on my own terms, which didn't really happen as I wanted, even any other place which had a bath, private toiletry and no rent pay which was always more my speed of living to begin with, family that revealed their true ugly nature over time. Everything I ever knew got upended and I feel very driven insane. And in this year I was sickeningly and mercilessly kicked out, WITH NO FINANCIAL SAFETY NET OR FRIENDS OUTSIDE OR ANYTHING ELSE TO FALL BACK ON, MIND. I WAS LITERALLY THROWN OUT TO DIE BY THE ONE WHO WAS CALLED "MY MOTHER". But the truth is, I have never in my life had a real mother, or entire family, no matter how hard or how long I've been searching. And there were so....no, too much that happened inbetween then and these few months, up to this month, where I am officially homeless. I have already spent days sleeping outside and it has been both freeing, but terrifying. I can't enjoy the freedom while I've been scared of problems arising from being hit by weather storms. I have had to teach myself and macgyver so many things just to ensure unexpected things don't happen outside, and I still don't know what I'm going to do when I finally need a shower. The only funds I have left anymore are what I have to pay a storage, my phone data plan, and buy food ONLY. Anything else for survival, I have to either rely on what I already own or buy the cheapest possible to conserve money. I was so afraid that I would never have internet or power again and I wouldn't be able to contact you all or ever have fun again, but thank god there's been free wifi spots and charging stations set up in certain places so I can camp out. As fir sleeping, I only have one chair to lug around and it has been SO IMPOSSIBLY TIRING SOMETIMES but at least I have something with a hood over me, and the additional protection of building roofs. I almost...feel both the weakest I've evr been, and physically stronger everyday, and I am so damaged and driven insane with rage and grief and I wantto die because it has been truly unbearable to GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS AND STILL NEVERBE HELPED...RESCUED BY ANYONE. I...just want to be adopted by a good family and brought to a real good home, to stay forever, and forget I ever went through this. Truly start my life all over and begin it like it deserved to be.

So to anyone who has bothered to read this...my god, thank you. I did say once that I wanted to only save this blog for fun happy good things, but so far, my real issues and situations have bled through in my speech anyway, so I think there's no going back now. Now that you know my story, I desperately ask that someone help me out. I live in Canada, around 80ave, in a red chair with a little canopy cover on it. That's all I can really say safely, without being doxxed for my identity. I don't want anyone but the right people to find me now...just to help me, rescue me from this homeless, familyless, friendless, joyless hell I have to face now, without any choice of my own. But for once, I want my choices to matter, AND be finalized, unchanged, unchallenged, unstolen away from me. I AM SO TIRED AND DEAD. I WANT TO DIE EVERYDAY BECAUSE NOONE AND NOTHING IS ALLOWING ME TO LIVE, THE WAY I ONCE EARNESTLY WANTED TO. GOD, HELP. ME.

[sith-shenanigans]

3, 6, 13 for the oc rivals meme?

3. most humble vs most arrogant

Hmm. Most humble... I have a few characters that kind of slam into the other end through sheer self-hatred, but I am now realizing that actual healthy humility is not very common among my OCs. I'd default to Velnira, but it actually isn't her; she's definitely not arrogant, but humility is probably her weakest point in the standard virtues. She is, after all, someone who carefully weighed doctrine against her actual experiences and then became a heretic—once she has reasoned through something, she is very hard to move. Honestly, Velnira probably sits firmly in the middle point here.

The actual most humble of my OCs is... probably Amistiode. Even after killing the Emperor three times, becoming the Alliance Commander, and a brief stint as protector of the known galaxy, he never stopped thinking of himself as a padawan in over his head. Sure, he had a great destiny, but destiny's not something you choose. And yes, he's done a lot of great things—but that's what Jedi are supposed to do, isn't it? They help people, in whatever situation they're in and on whatever scale they can. He's not really any better or worse of a Jedi for having been able to work on a wider scale than most.

Most arrogant is also somewhat difficult, for an entirely different reason—namely, that my mental green room is absolutely packed with Sith, who do not tend to be particularly humble under the best of circumstances.

That said, it did become obvious after I rifled through a few potentials.

It's Hestera, as everyone probably could have expected. She is practically composed of confidence—the sort of confidence that burns like a star and pulls people in with the same kind of gravity. She is that fire down to her bones, and while keeping it in check isn't in objective terms the most difficult thing she's ever done, it's certainly the thing she's struggled with the most.

Despite her best efforts, she still misses the time she wasn't trying.

6. most serious vs silliest

This one is also tricky—I have a lot of characters that lean to one end or the other, but none who really stand out above and beyond the rest.

I think most serious will have to go to Yara Valton, my Exile—she does have a sense of humor, but it's sardonic and wry and darker than the void. She doesn't make jokes, only the occasional snarky comment, and she's much more likely to just flash a cynical smirk than say it out loud. She's the martyr that wouldn't die, and levity can't help her now.

Most silly... disqualifying the characters who snark as a defense mechanism and the literal children, maybe actually Brakerre? Her mission is as deadly serious as the apocalypse, so why take anything else with too much severity? When it's time to do her work, she's all unflinching determination—but she still spent all of Ziost flirting with Lana in between mission objectives, despite fully assuming she was going to die in a few hours. Maybe a few days, if she was lucky.

And if Brakerre was going to sacrifice herself to kill an eldritch abomination, then she sure wasn't going out without a last kiss.

13. most forgiving vs most grudgeful

Most forgiving is easy—that one would be Velnira, who has never earned a dark side point in her life and who is willing to offer a second (or first, for that matter) chance to anyone who seems like they need one. She recognizes that you can't save everyone—but you can save everyone who wants to be saved.

(Except one. But her sister has always been a stubborn woman, and she will never be saved until her people are too.)

There's some stiff competition for least forgiving.

Yara is definitely a candidate—Vitiate tore her spirit apart and flung it into dark space, and she spent 300 years clinging to the physical realm as little more than the memory of a grudge. But, honestly, a lot of mine would do similar if it came to that, and so I think she probably ties with others.

Sirue is also a possibility. You have to be pretty kriffing spiteful to decide, despite having just escaped from slavery and being nothing resembling combat-trained, that the proper way to honor your (allegedly) dead girlfriend's memory is to hunt Sith. Not immediately, of course, but pretty much all the credits she earned over her plotline that didn't go into ship or crew maintenance went towards funding her quest for vengeance. And it worked—she's one of the few people in the galaxy who routinely holds their own against active Force users without being one themself.

This culminated in Sirue and her crew being the ones who went up against Darth Decimus on Corellia. I haven't entirely worked out the details of the fight (aside from starship weapons getting involved), but the result put Sirue out of commission and into a kolto tank for weeks to months—and left the galaxy down one Dark Lord.