#it feels impossible. i could never juggle so many Things.

[ghostzzy]

there is just. no area of my life in which i am feeling fulfilled or successful. and there hasn't been in several years.

[dnpbeats]

I don’t think “the thing in March” is hard launch related and might just be another project, because Dan said either this scrapped video or touring is something Phil hasn’t done in a long time meaning they wouldn’t have been able to juggle both so im guessing they decided to wait it out

Okay so. At first I had the same thought as you and actually wrote a whole post about how it was gonna be a project and not a hard launch lol. But then I went back and watched the video again and I think it doesn’t necessarily have to be a project (though it could still be!). Dan phrased it a little confusingly (as always 💞) but I do think that when he said “this” was something that Phil hadn’t done in a while, he meant touring. Dan says they had one “idea [they] were gonna do” and then they were like “are we gonna go on tour.” I believe what he says after that is him talking about tour, so when he says it would be crazy, it’s something Phil hasn’t done in a while, etc., that’s all talking about the tour. Then Phil says he doesn’t know what Dan’s talking about, and then dan says “here we are in the timeline where we went on tour, and as for what the hell would’ve happened if dan and phil never did, you’ll find out in March.”

There are a few reasons why I don’t think it’s necessarily a different project:

Whatever got put on hold is something they’re still planning on doing, but phil doesn’t know what dan is talking about. And I just feel like, if it’s a project that they have lined up to announce in march, Phil would remember? Whereas if Dan is referring to coming out, it might not register in his mind immediately as “something that got scrapped”

For whatever reason, they felt like they needed to go on tour before this other thing happened. Let’s say it’s a project, wouldn’t it in some way make more sense to do that first because presumably they’d get even more engagement from it, thereby making their tour less risky? They’ve already talked about how they were surprised TIT tickets sold so fast and how excited ppl were/are for it. Doing a less-risky project beforehand would’ve put them in a better position to go on tour! So it’s really curious that they decided they couldn’t do this thing before the tour, but it needed to wait til after

“What the hell would have happened” is much different than “what would we have done/released” but dan does not always talk with the most precision so this one is loose lol

If dan thinks the reveal will happen only a month after the tour ends, it is either a one time thing or something that takes little prep but is ongoing (hence why it couldn’t be happening in the middle of tour, not able to juggle both like u said)

So anyway those are my thoughts. Like part of me feels like im clowning big time because it’s a tale as old as time to assume d&p are hard launching and then actually they’re doing something else. But it’s undeniable that the energy has been different lately. Plus I have been wrong about so many things in the past (them going on tour and them making full-fledged coming out videos just to name a few 😂) so hey. Maybe it’s time I just say the impossible is gonna happen

(My thoughts if it’s not a hard launch are podcast as others have suggested as it ticks the box for reason #4 I gave. I don’t think it’s a pet adoption (other theory I’ve seen ppl say) as I think it’s related to media (video/audio) in some way. Idk why Dan’s mind would go to dog when he heard “scrapped video”)

guys or maybe it’s amazingdan 3 ❤��� stranger things have happened

[cocoa-rococo]

thinking about the koopalings again, and i feel like a lot of people gloss over the interesting angst of larry and ludwig being parallels of one another, in the sense that both want what the other has, and NEITHER OF THEM fucking realize it.

it's a somewhat common headcanon that larry is a bit of a slacker; it's confirmed in his bio that he mainly does what he does because he's driven by being hungry or not wanting bowser to yell at him (which honestly? same). he's often imagined as the youngest of his siblings, and when you have six other highly accomplished people before you, having done some amazing things, living up to those standards feels nigh impossible, especially when you're constantly asked "why can't you be more like your siblings".

ludwig, meanwhile, is a prodigy. he excels in magic, leading both his siblings and part of an army, an outstanding performer and conductor, and being overall a role model to many. he's a perfectionist, striving to maintain his image as being competent and in control of any situation, but when you have not just your siblings, but almost an entire army looking up to you, that image needs to be held up constantly, with little time or room for experimentation and mistakes.

ludwig is always asking larry why he doesn't just apply himself more, since he can easily accomplish things if he puts his mind to it, not realizing that larry IS. he's trying desperately to be good at everything he does, whatever it might be, just like ludwig, but when your sibling is able to master things in what seems like one night, being told he's just not trying hard enough doesn't feel very encouraging.

larry is always asking ludwig why he can't just take a break and calm down, seeing as he's already amazing, not realizing that ludwig ISN'T. he's working so hard to thrive in whatever he does, staying up late to finish perfecting his work, unable to tolerate errors even when juggling several tasks, but when your sibling manages to do well by doing almost nothing, being told to just take a break isn't helpful nor useful.

larry is so envious of ludwig being effortlessly talented at everything and managing to never fail at anything, completely unaware he's one potential failure away from shutting down. ludwig so desperately wants larry's ability to relax and take things easy, completely unaware larry is struggling to be productive and accomplish anything at all.

ludwig wishes he could be mediocre, because everyone is watching him. larry wishes he could be perfect, because nobody is watching him.

they're so, so close, and yet so far away.

[gldnstrngs]

i will never not be angry with the way morgana’s character was developed

there are so many layers to her character that could’ve been utilized but was instead boiled down to her “losing her mind” and only wanting power

it starts with merlin poisoning morgana in s2. this may be a very unpopular opinion, but i dont think that being the trigger of morgana actually turning evil was enough…

merlin was wrong to poison her, but he was also put in an impossible position and his only guidance in that moment was a dragon who was desperate for freedom. he didn’t do it because he wanted to, but because he felt like he didn’t have a choice

and, yes, he could’ve talked to morgana, but they were in a high stakes situation where im not sure merlin could actually rationalize with her

people love to solely put the blame on merlin, but its not like morgana was completely innocent either. she may not known at first how morgause was using her as a tool to make all of camelot unconscious, but we could literally see her piecing things together the way merlin was

also, she was working with morgause and i know it was because she wanted uther dead (literally who doesn’t?), but it came with the risk of hurting camelot’s people and also betraying arthur’s trust

in s3 when morgana returns, merlin feels a lot of remorse and that is something that morgana can see. she confronts him and pretends she didn’t become evil, and literally says “you were just trying to protect your friends. i would’ve done the same” which she WOULDVE. morgana was known to be passionate and kindhearted and would’ve done anything to protect her friends (and actively did so), and maybe she wouldn’t have went about it the same way merlin did, but she would’ve eventually come to understand his actions, especially because she allied with darker forces

with that being said, if the writers wanted to make morgana mad at merlin then that’s fine because she has the right to (to an extent), but why take it out on arthur and gwen, who hadn’t done her any harm (before she found out she’s arthur’s half-sister and that arwen was a thing)?

she was raised with arthur and literally said in s1 that he’s a better man than his father. she had faith in him, which was shown when he helped the people of ealdor and when he went to get the mortaeus flower so he could save merlin

and we know that gwen was her maid for several years at that point, and they were literally best friends! so why turn on her, especially when she didn’t do anything to morgana? it can be argued that morgana was frustrated with arthur’s complacency, but there wasn’t any actual reason for her to turn on gwen, especially knowing how she lost her father not too long ago because of uther’s actions

another thing that really upsets me is how morgana uses her class against merlin, so he won’t expose her??? she was literally opposed to classism and did her best to help camelot’s people, but now she was using her standing against merlin

and she uses it when she exposes arthur and gwen for dating. morgana was completely aware that uther wouldnt be happy to find out that arthur was with a maid of all people, so she used that against them

these are all things that were exceptionally out of character for morgana. i know she was under the influence of morgause for roughly a year, but she went from being on the fence about which side to take to immediately going against the people who knew and loved her for years

it’s not like they had to keep morgana’s character completely good the whole time, but she is very nuanced. instead of making her outright evil, the writers should’ve done more to have her juggle with what side she wants to be on. realistically, she wouldn’t just pick morgause, who she really barely knows, over arthur and gwen, who have been her friends for years, without hesitation

and maybe morgana could’ve still ended up being an antagonist, but instead of making her completely bloodthirsty, she could’ve continued to struggle with her feelings towards arthur and gwen and even merlin. in the end, her anger was towards uther because he was the one to persecute magical people, not the others. we could’ve seen her deal with the guilt of inherently going against arthur because she wanted to kill uther (and, no matter how much she hated uther, she was raised by him and clearly showed love for him)

morgana wasn’t just some absolutely unhinged villain. its not like it would be impossible for her to lose sight of what she wanted, but there was no actual transition to get to that point. by the end of the show, she still wanted arthur dead, but i dont think that would’ve actually been the case if she didn’t deal with character assassination

even in the legend (based on which interpretation), morgana is the one to send off arthur’s dead body. i don’t think she wouldve actually wanted arthur to die, especially because arthur didn’t want to see her dead, but it wouldve inevitably happened and that would be when she fully realized everything she did wrong

idk i just have so many thoughts about morgana’s character like she actually deserved so much better 😭 if they were going to make her a villain then they should’ve written that storyline better

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

           Shinomiya Reina, a 25 year old daughter of Freyr.            She is a piercer at Marimo Ink.

FC NAME/GROUP: miyawaki sakura / le sserafim CHARACTER NAME: shinomiya reina AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 25 / october 15 1998 PLACE OF BIRTH: oosaka, japan OCCUPATION: piercer at marimo ink HEIGHT: 163cm / 5'4" DEFINING FEATURES: dyed blond hair; faint scars on her knuckles that she covered up with flower tattoos, piercings on both ears, bottom lip, tongue and belly button; tattoos around her arms and torso.

PERSONALITY: with a carefree bordering on inconsequential energy, not really seeming to be bothered by most if not all things in life, reina has a more easygoing personality with a teasing striek and therefore being able to get along with most if not all kind of people. she's also rather adaptable, not seeming to be able to get frustrated regardless of how much things don't go her way or when she doesn't get things that she wants, also partially because of her more pragmatic side that simply accepts that things that must be done will be done and impossible things are impossible; that sometimes giving her the impression of someone very detached, bordering on apathetic towards things and even people around her. however, she's still enable/encourage any and everyone who comes to her asking for advice and/or if they should do this or that thing, coming back full circle to her carefree nature and just i do what i want so why shouldn't you do too sort of person.

   and, well, that end is a little more than an impression considering she does feel rather detached from the people around her, almost being unable to feel like she genuinely fits in whenever she goes since she never felt like that in the (admittedly few) places that she has been; simply being the type that has a lot of friends but few (if any) are people that she genuinely cares for and would put above her own needs and wants. reina doesn't necessarily keeps things about herself to herself, but won't talk about them unless prompted, however it might feel like she's telling stories of someone else, as if she was more of an witness than an active participant. she also used to have a much worse temper that mellowed down as she matured, though she still carries the scars of those times and will still break someone's nose if they tempt her enough.

   reina is a little of a flirt— that playful type that doesn't really mean it and is doing it more for the sake of getting a reaction from the other person than actually trying to pursue anything. she also isn't necessarily against casual sort of arrangements, but considering how she vehemently rejects any inheritance that she might've gotten from her father and how he walked away from her and her mother, she doesn't let herself indulge too much into them and would rather just pursue a proper relationship.

HISTORY: [tw: bullying, violence, death]

there are three (3) lessons that life taught reina so far.

lesson number one (1): do not fall for pretty faces.

   because mom did and that ended up with her carrying a child she didn't want, then getting kicked out of the family not long after. japan isn't a kind place for single mothers; neither is korea, however there were only so many times that you and your mother could take of her coming to school and bow her head because you picked yet another fight with someone who said something mean about your hair or the way you spoke. your mother is tired of having to raise a child with no support, juggling two jobs to make sure you two stay afloat and you're tired of people pointing faults at her for your raising as if they aren't the one with bad manners, talking shit about things they don't know anything about.

   there's an old friend in seoul, your mom says one day, offering a job that pays a little better and the weather is supposed to be a little nicer; there are a lot of great options for school and korean shouldn't be too hard to learn, even more so when it'll be a language that they'll be exposed a lot. she also says that a change of environment might be good, that you might finally be able to make some friends without the reputation of having broken someone's teeth at the age of fourteen because they looked at you weird — you don't have the courage to tell her that it was because they said something about her, questioning her character and her abilities as a mother. it'll be good, yeah? she holds your hand with so much hope and exhaustion in her eyes that you don't have the courage to say no; not that you would considering you had nothing in japan but resentment anyway.

   she never talks about your dad, not really, and after the first time that you tried to bring the subject up — because your school was organizing an event for father's day and it made her curious, not necessarily yearning, but curious — and the only thing that she had to say was don't fall for pretty faces, reina, they'll only ruin you with this weird look on her face, an expression that was between resentment and longing, you decide that it isn't really worth it.

   there's one time though— mom is doing first aid to your scraped knuckles, a soft tut that you're too young to have scars like that, but there's also a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, small and amused. you don't seem like your father's daughter, she says like it's a good thing or maybe it's because she's reminiscing something; either way you simply huff because i'm your daughter, you say like this nullifies who your dad is and that only makes mom smile a little wider.

lesson number two (2): do not pick up fights you can't win (and that fists aren't the only way to fight).

   not only physically (because you can win most of those anyway) but also socially. you learn the hard way to not punch someone whose parents donate a lot to the school and/or have a prestigious job in society— or you should at least beat them up enough that they won't have the courage to tell on you to their parents or the teachers. japan wasn't a kind place for the daughter of a single mother; neither is korea— you still hear whispers about your broken korean, the character of your mother, speculations about the reason you had to move out in the middle of the school year, the reason why your nose looks so ugly. you still have your belongings messed with and cold milk spilled on your head.

do not pick up fights you can't win because losing leaves a bitter aftertaste in your mouth, because the floor that you and your mom press your foreheads on as you apologize is freezing, because that's what your mother tells you when she grits her teeth and swallows down her pride because they don't have the money to move out again, because you two are hanging on a thin thread in this new country and coming back to japan isn't really an option.

   maybe your pretty face is the only good thing he has left for you, your mom comments without specifying who this he is but you know anyway. then you grit your teeth while swallowing down your temper and play on your pretty privilege instead; that's how you survive the rest of high school.

lesson number three (3): no one will care for yourself besides yourself.

   well, there was mom, but then she dies all of a sudden and now you're all alone.

   the world seems to be in the way to its end with how hard is the downpour outside while you pick up your mother's bones after the cremation; it was hard to find a funeral home that made the ceremony under japanese traditions but your mom's friend helped. your japanese family came all the way from japan for her funeral but you refuse to let them come in and participate; were tempted to kick them out of the ceremony as well however not even yourself was that petty. besides they seem regretful enough while promising that they'd never leave you alone again, that they'd do things properly this time.

   rationally you know that punching an old lady, even more so when she's your grandmother, is going to land you straight on jail, but you almost forget lesson number two when she starts talking about how they'd go back to japan with your mom and you; when she looks at the tattoos on your hands and arms and tuts, saying how it's a pity that you tainted your body in that way but nothing that long sleeves won't resolve, and they'd get the ones on your knuckles removed with treatment, the piercings on your face being able to be removed without much struggle either and a list of other things that at that point you aren't listening anymore; when she apologizes with a condescending sigh that she was too late, that she should've picked you up sooner because then you would've been raised "right".

   the rain outside gets even worse. there's an argument when you throw water at grandma's face in lieu of breaking her nose. you tell them to fuck off if they don't you want to throw the glass in your hand on them as well. they leave.

   still you aren't left alone; there's another person who seemed to be watching the whole spectacle, someone that you vaguely recognize that was also at mom''s tsuya. they offer their condolences that are easily brushed off, then they offer a place to start anew— a place away from all of this, all of the things that you struggled with so much so far. you don't accept the offer right away, not really, but in that moment the rain finally seems to give in, even if just a little.

PANTHEON: norse  CHILD OF: freyr POWERS: 

+ weather manipulation: through her emotions, when felt strongly, she can manipulate the weather — i.e. causing a downpour when upset, and prompting a sunny day when happy.

+ enhanced charm: due to her affinity to physical forms of affection combined with her easygoing personality, she does end up attracting more people to her than an average person is able to.

STRENGTHS: is very adaptable to the environment and people around her; always aims to excel in whatever she puts herself to do and has a good control over her emotions so usually when she ends up changing the weather it's on purpose. WEAKNESSES: so pragmatic that she can feel detached (bordering on apathetic) to the people around her; will always prioritize herself over other people and her carefree/teasing nature can rub off some people the wrong way.

[fadedsweater]

WIP Whenever

Thank you @crackinglamb for tagging me 💛

I'm always juggling WIPs, but the main one I'm working on right now is a post-Trespasser solavellan fic that uses the trope of "hero shows up injured on the villain's doorstep because they didn't know where else to go." So here's a lil snippet of that.

Tagging @darethshirl, @rosella-writes, @dreadfutures and anyone else who wants to share. No pressure, though!

---

When Eira wakes, the first sensation she's aware of is pain; the wound on her stomach aches, so deeply that she could not forget it even if she tried. Because of this it is impossible to forget where she is. 

Before she even opens her eyes she knows that Solas is in the room with her. 

Her memories of the night before (was it the night before?) are blurry. She remembers stumbling through the Eluvian, bleeding and only half-coherent. She remembers seeing Solas’s face for the first time in years. She remembers the familiar sensation of his magic, remembers the bitter taste of the potion he'd given her for the pain. She remembers, faintly, the sound of his voice.

When Eira opens her eyes, though, it takes her a moment to recognize him. 

Solas looks horrible. 

It is more than simple exhaustion. The shadows under his eyes stretch across his face. He looks gaunt, worn thin, as if he has not eaten or slept in days. 

His expression only softens slightly when he notices that she's awake, and even that is brief. 

“Inquisitor,” he says, and his voice is low and gravely and so stiffly formal that it almost hurts to hear it. “How are you—” 

“No,” Eira says, as firmly as she can. She struggles to sit up against the pillows. She feels as horrible as Solas looks, and there are many things she'd rather do than have this conversation. “I have a name,” she says. “And I disbanded the Inquisition.”

Solas looks away. “Very well. Eira. How are you feeling?”

“Awful.”

He nods, as if that’s the answer he expected. Then he cautiously comes near to the bed and hands her a small glass bottle, full of the same thick, cloudy potion he’d given her before. “This should help,” he says softly. 

She takes it without touching his hand and downs it in a single bitter gulp. "Thank you."

He takes the empty vial from her and lingers, studying her face with an expression she knows far too well. Shrewd, thoughtful—he is attempting to solve something. He does not trust her.

"Go on," she says. "Say it."

He frowns. The expression makes him look even worse. "I am wondering what your strategy is," he says at last, in a clipped, biting tone.

“There is no strategy,” she says. “I came here because I was injured. I was in Tevinter with no allies. What would you have had me do?”

It is not really a question. But he answers it anyway. 

“You had no allies in the area? No one in your traveling party who might have healed your wounds?” he echoes. “I find this difficult to believe.”

A burst of anger coils in her gut. “You think this is some—what, some ploy of mine?”

“You are a strategist. You have somehow located not only my personal bedchambers, but the Eluvian I use to access them. Of course I have not ruled it out.”

His words hurt more than she thought they would. She tries to make her face neutral, cold. “I’ve never lied to you,” she says. “I’m not lying now.”

Solas looks as if she’s struck him. Good. “Yes,” he says, after a long stretch of silence. “You’re right. Forgive my suspicion.”

[feministfocus]

Stress on Steroids: High School Edition

by Crystal Fan

Pulling all-nighters for exams. Dark eye circles. Classmates who are half asleep in class. My senior year of high school has been more hectic than I could have ever imagined. It seems like everybody is suffering from a concoction of feeling overwhelmed, senioritis (burnout), and a terrible case of stress. Looking around, the senior year has decimated us, with things coming at us a thousand miles per hour. For starters, there's academic pressure. Then there are extracurriculars, family life, friends and relationships, cats on the internet, and the black hole that is social media. The cherry on top is college applications. Senior year is a never-ending to-do list requiring a NASA-level scientific and precise approach to time management and perfection. In short, it's impossible. There is no human way to juggle everything. There are too many balls in the air. 

Eventually, something gives. We sacrifice things. Sleep. Mental health. Not to mention sanity (some of which I'd like to keep in case I need it one day). It is almost as if we live in a never-ending cycle of to-do lists, exams, and the pursuit of accomplishments. This quickly becomes exhausting. 

In short, high school, especially senior year, is a breeding ground for stress. Stress multiplies and feeds off of everybody in a frenzy. The statistics speak for themselves. Approximately 45% of high schoolers report experiencing stress daily (CrossRiverTherapy). Roughly 61% of teenagers between the ages of 13-17 admit to feeling pressure to attain high grades.

Generally, there are two types of events that cause stress: external and internal. External event-driven stress typically dissipates after the event is over. Internal event-driven stress is caused by thoughts and things we say to ourselves. 

While some stress can be beneficial and acts as a motivator to prepare us for events, too much stress leads to unhealthy short-term repercussions such as fatigue, insomnia, unhealthy relationships with food, trouble focusing, and becoming overly anxious or depressed. But chronic stress? A whole different ball game. According to the Mayo Clinic, chronic stress holds severe consequences such as muscle tension and pain, headaches, weight gain, and even heart attacks. 

Stress is a fact of life. It is inevitable. There is no way to avoid it; once you get comfortable, life throws you another curveball. So the question is: do we manage stress so it doesn't take over our lives? 

Well, here are some stress management tips Harvard University has for high schoolers: 

Keep a journal

Download a mindfulness or meditation app

Eating healthy meals

Exercising regularly 

Getting plenty of sleep

Limiting caffeine

Reaching out to family and friends for support

Making time for hobbies

Some tips that have worked for me:

Start a gratitude journal. Spend 5 minutes daily jotting down things, events, or people you feel grateful for. Even something that brings you the slightest amount of joy counts

Establish a meditation routine that works for your schedule, and meditate for at least 5 minutes daily. 

Talk to someone. You don't need a therapist to feel better. You can talk to a trusted confidant about your worries, concerns, and challenges. You are not alone. There is always someone willing to listen. 

Additionally, you can try:

Volunteering in the community. Science has shown that giving back makes people feel better. 

Finding ways to laugh more. Spend time with people who make you feel good, watch a comedy, or find memes online. 

Seeking professional help through counseling or therapy. Mental health services can be highly beneficial. 

Citations:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20046037

[pentition]

do you think pen was actually dating 12 others or was that part of the lie?

SPOILERS!

I'm not going to ever say it's impossible. There are so many variables to take into account in Sandrock, I feel like. Maybe he has partners back home? Or was having flings with tourists that passed through and they got attached to him? Despite how many people can see through Pen's image, plenty of others would be susceptible to him. I can believe he has fans and even encourages them to be disillusioned. Whether that's because of what his role actually is (Duvos spy/knight) and it suits his purpose or because he just likes it, who is to say.

Personally, I like believing it was part of the lie - or something similar. I like the idea that maybe his experimentation and the way he was raised up as a super soldier led to a more peculiar social experience. I can believe he has experience with partners but never anything he wanted to commit to or could commit to. Maybe the 12 others was an outright lie or, at the very least, were people who fawned over him that he enabled. You know, hardcore fans he gives just enough to keep leashed. Because I don't actually think Pen cares enough about flings to 'upkeep them with gifts' and pay for them in one way or another.

I think for those that did and didn't romance Pen, it was lashing out. For those that didn't, it could be a brag or him minimizing things to be cruel or because he actually believes it himself. For those that did romance Pen, I can see it as him being cruel in a more personal way. Whether that's because of guilt/make himself not have to confront how he feels by pushing the Builder away or something else I'm not sure. It can go so many directions. But I think it's more interesting writing if it's not true. I love me some flawed characters.

The idea that Pen is a super soldier that has only known duty is fun. Been done before, sure, but it still works. I can imagine his social network is compromised of people who are a part of his true role primarily, then those useful to it. So I imagine him coming into Sandrock means he already has a set opinion on the others, getting close to them could either not be an initial interest or something he knows better than to do. Being the untouchable hero suits him well then, always out of reach. The Builder presents something different. Someone new and unaccounted for has arrived that didn't fit the original plan for Pen.

Ernest is new but he's also a journalist, Pen has reasons to not get chummy. Mi-an is new but maybe there wasn't any incentive on either end to get to know one another. Maybe Mi-an fell easily into being like the rest of the Sandrockians with how easily she befriended some of them? Just speculations here.

But it all comes back to his comment on having 12 babes he's simultaneously cheating on with. I like to think it's a lie or exaggeration or some kind because I feel like it opens up a lot of interesting possibilities then for character development. Also I can't see Pen, at this point in time, genuinely caring to juggle taking care of others in that way. That's both emotionally and mentally, but also because of how dedicated and loyal he is to Duvos and the constant patrols he goes on. I just can't imagine he has the time beyond pausing on his patrols or making time now and then to humor enabling someone to fawn over him more.

Which makes the player's situation with their Builder more unique, in my opinion. Shaking up his usual norms both socially and in regards to interfering with his work.

[sweepseven]

Which is your favorite act of each circus skill Cirque du Soleil has ever included? Favorite trapeze act, favorite silks act, dance, icarian games, miscellaneous, etc.

Sweet you menace. You knew this would both delight me and derail my day. I am powerless but to respond.

(Disclaimer that categorizing and even identifying all circus acts is both impossible and a credit to the medium itself, this is neither a comprehensive list of acts nor a comprehensive list of my favorites, etc. etc.)

Adagio/acro/hand to hand - Adagio Quatuor, Luzia

Sensual, emotional, graceful expression of conflict, perfect set, perfect song, perfect voice. Check out 3:50-4:13 for what I personally think is the best moment in the entire show. Can't explain it. It just gives me chills every time.

Aerial hoop - Cerceaux, O

There is a lot of great lyra acts in Cirque, some with markedly stronger overall choreography and difficulty level, but this song in this setting, when the brides come in... this one is unmatched.

Aerial straps - Tlaloc, Luzia

Cirque is utterly oversaturated with aerial straps acts. But this one is real magic.

(like a billion more beneath the cut)

Balance - Rola bola, Kurios

How is there no decent video on hand?? Anyway this act is a heart attack no matter how many times you see it.

Banquine - Banquine, Quidam

You already know there's no other. 1:44 if you want goosebumps. The ghost twins are handled with such tender delicacy, and yet they're both totally hollow and interchangeable. Absolutely incredible.

Bars of any kind (Russian, uneven, tournik, high, etc.) - Uneven bars, Amaluna

Very nearly tournik here, but I just love the Amazons so much and feel like this entire show was shafted so I'm sticking with it.

Bungee - Bungees, Zed

There is basically no linkable footage of this act anywhere but it wins because of the set and song. And they're galaxies!!!

Contortion - Contortion, Kurios

Wish I could find decent footage of it onstage because it looks so cool with its proper base and setting. But I just love how energetic this act is, and the skill level is nuts.

Cradle (Russian, aerial, other, etc.) - Bateau, O

Aerial cradle meets parallel bars meets sheer genius.

Dance - Dance Interlude, La Nouba

This was very nearly Dei Ex Machina from Mystere because I'm obsessed with the new Monarch bird, but. There's a chance nothing else in the world matters besides this song.

Diabolo - Diabolo, Kooza

Who's doing it higher, faster, and better than this tbh. Plus his costume is just adorable.

Fire - Fire Knife Dance, Alegria IANL

This artist in particular takes the cake. You can feel his passion and joy. A perfect match for this act and show.

Flying trapeze - Flying trapeze, Mystere

It's categorically the best flying act in the entire world. Really nothing more to it. I've trained with a few people in the act too, so it has a very special place in my heart. 1:33 for an uprise that gives me a heart attack every. fucking. time.

Handbalancing - Handbalancing on canes, Varekai

This act lends itself very beautifully to different moods. I'm particularly fond of this chilly interpretation - La Promise is so mature here, so in control of herself and her surroundings.

Interlude - Dans L'Air, Quidam

Probably guessable. I never shut up about this one. Favorite moment in all of my Cirque experience. There is nothing like those lights coming up bright and hot as the red curtains stretch out, not before not since.

Juggling - Juggling, Amaluna

Love Cali, love Viktor Kee. No one on earth moves like him.

Non-juggling manipulation - Batons, Ka

Misc. aerial - Cloud swing, Quidam

Favorite Cirque act of all time. All time ever. I don't imagine anyone is clicking through all of these but if anyone chose just one, I'd want it to be this. The women with their ropes. Boum Boum trapped beneath the net. The bassist. The fact that Cirque hasn't touched this act once since it was retired in Quidam. Everything about it is perfection.

Misc. other things that swing - Swiss rings, Volta

I'll never forget seeing this live. A real shining jewel in a show that never got to become what it could have been.

Non-juggling manipulation (hoops, batons, ribbons, etc.) - Batons, Ka

Duhhhhh 😁

Russian swing - Russian swing, O

What really makes this act are the tiny interactions between artists. Everyone has a story and a reason to celebrate. The Russian swing itself becomes almost secondary to the setting it creates. Perfect example of a successful ensemble act.

Silks - Aerial contortion in silks, Quidam

Again, are there any others? This act is simply vicious.

Static trapeze - Triple trapeze, Varekai

Again, duhhh 😁. I wanted to be one of them so badly when I was younger.

Teeterboard - Korean plank, Mystere

Kind of a cheat because it's also powertrack but come on this act rules.

Trampoline (wall, power track, etc.) - Powertrack, La Nouba

Utterly devastating in its effectiveness. I truly do not care that today's powertrack acts are a million times more complex or high in skill level. This is precision and simplicity at its finest, and every dash of characterization shows the magic crammed into every moment of La Nouba. So many modern shows have never and could never in their wildest dreams. Lose my shit at 6:50.

Unicycle - Unicycles, Drawn To Life

No real footage because Disney is the worst. I don't even like unicycles and I adored this act.

Wheel (cyr, German, crossed, etc.) - Roue cyr, Corteo

Yet again it's that act/song combo that does me in. The precision this act demands! The bizarre darkness of the entire thing! I'm just obsessed.

Wheel of death - Wheel of death, Kooza

No one else should even try tbh. Even Ka can't match the energy, and the intimacy of the big top takes this act to the absolute maximum.

Wire - Tightwire, Amaluna

I don't really care for wire acts too much but I really liked this one! I was bummed when it was removed. It lent shape to the world in a really nice way.

[tragicbackstoryenjoyer]

This or That

tagged by the lovely @queenslayerbee :)

Historical or Futuristic?

DEFINITELY historical. Nearly all my WIPs are heavily inspired by historical events, if not directly set in them.

Opening or Closing Chapter?

Both can be great, but I'll say opening chapter for now, since the best of them can do a wonderful job hooking you into a wider story.

Light and Fluffy or Dark and Gritty?

Dark and gritty all the way. Just look at my URL. I'm not a huge fan of the little grimdark I've read, but I'll take it over a sugar-sweet rom-com or slice of life almost any day (no shade against rom-coms or slice of life stories, there are some I like, they're just not my favorite.)

Hard or Soft Magic System?

Hm, depends on the story. Hard magic systems can be incredibly fun, but I tend to prefer stories where magic is a bit rarer and thus more mysterious. So soft magic system it is, but that's an opinion easily subject to change.

Stand-Alone or Series?

Stand-alones, probably. There are just too many series out there that feel disjointed and easily could have been a much stronger stand-alone. I think the challenges that stand-alones present force authors to write more concise and fulfilling plots. That said, I do want to dip my toes into writing a series some day. I have a couple of ideas in that realm 👀 

One Project at a Time or Always Juggling 2+?

I'm definitely more of a WIP monogamist myself. I worked on Blood of Gods and nothing else for over two years. However, now that I've moved towards the more nitty-gritty phase of editing, I've found that having another project to draft balances out well. But I don't think I could do more than what I'm doing at the moment.

One Award Winner or One Bestseller?

One bestseller, though I'm not the proudest to admit that. What can I say, money is nice.

Fantasy or Sci-Fi?

Fantasy for sure. Sci-fi's great to read/watch, but I don't plan on writing it any time soon.

Character or Setting Description?

Deeeefinitely character description. Both as a reader and a writer, I'm far more interested in a character's complexities than what their environment looks like. That said, both are very important and it would be hard to write a good book without setting description.

First or Final Draft?

Uh, well, considering I've never made it to a final draft yet, I'm not sure I can give a good answer here.

Love Triangle in Everything or No Romantic Arcs?

This question feels worded like both are bad things, but I actually love both. More books starring women need to have less, or zero, focus on romance, and I hope to write something like that sometime soon.

I feel the need to defend my affection for love triangles, as until recently that wasn't the case. The love triangles we hate are the ones included for cheap drama, but there's so much more than that. One great trope is when the love triangle exists to highlight a choice between idealogies, like Peeta/Katniss/Gale in The Hunger Games. Another great version of the love triangle (and my favorite rendition of the trope) is when everyone involved is a little bit polyamorous and bisexual and in love with each other, but due to circumstance all of them ending up happily together is impossible. (My favorite examples of this are Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot from The Once and Future King and Ammar/Jehan/Rodrigo from The Lions of Al-Rassan.)

So... considering how much I've rambled on about them, I guess I'm going with love triangle in everything.

Constant Sandstorm or Rainstorm?

Rainstorm.

Tagging

@jacquesfindswritingandadvice @muddshadow @oh-no-another-idea @thepixiediaries @lockejhaven and anyone else who wants to answer.

[rndyounghowze]

PHL-8: The Lehman Trilogy

Written By Stefano Massini

Adapted By: Ben Power

Directed By Terrence J Nolen

Presented By:

Arden Theatre Company

tinyurl.com/Get-Lehman-Tix

Dana and I were in college during the Great Recession. Back then you didn’t have to follow the financial news to know that things were dicey. You just had to look at all of the foreclosed houses. You just had to look at all of the jobs that we applied for and found out that no one was hiring. If you have never heard the name Lehman, America’s oldest investment bank and the subject of Massini’s play, in your life you would be forgiven. Massini’s play and The Arden unfold the story of how one of the tent poles of the great experiment called “capitalism” rose from a simple store and slowly ate itself to death.

This play unfolded a docudrama about capitalism that Ken Burns couldn’t direct. It’s a microcosm of how these institutions started and when and how they were able to take over. By first talking about the three brothers humanizes capitalism. In fact, he made it funny (the scoundrel) Also The Lehman Trilogy written by an Italian debuted in London and has an objectivity that we feel could have never been written stateside. It would have been either much harsher on the downfall of a company or it was going to focus too much on the stereotype of the “immigrant story”. This play is VERY American for only having America in the plot.

Dana wants to give this director and his crew a standing ovation. We never felt the time. In every show we have ever seen there was this unspoken agreement that runtimes are just suggestions. Even the most well-meaning shows can drag a tiny bit if they have a three-hour run time. We came in at 1 PM and when the play was over it was 4 PM as promised. Somehow the minute that the lights dimmed and the show started again it felt like time stopped. We were somehow transported one hour into the future when the lights rose at intermission. We credit Nolen with this but there had to be a sweet science between performer, director, and text that sucked us in. Also, Nolen’s ability to juggle so many characters and so many plotlines with only three actors and one set is a huge accomplishment.

Dialect and movement are the only costumes that kept changing. A suit is a suit. Shoes are shoes. But the changing of speech and movement was the crux of what made this play work. Hartley was able to instill vocal confidence into the ensemble so that they could change dialects like changing hats. How dare Cotton be so good! We never thought that the female characters were caricatures put on by men. They felt real, authentic, unique, and individual. Each one had their own movement, shape, and stance. That’s not an easy thing to teach. Cotton’s ability to interpret each character and then create a movement language with the cast is a masterclass in movement arts.

One thing that we have noticed with scripts that come out of Europe is that they place a ton of faith on their performers’ shoulders. In this performance, it is impossible for this ensemble of three to have a bad day. They are carrying all of the characters, all of the plot, all of the story, all of it. Like the tightrope walker in Times Square if they fall just once then the play is doomed. These performers are moving non-stop for an hour at a time, three hours a performance, and sometimes twice a day. That is a marathon feat that cannot easily be accomplished. Add to that all the accent movements, gestures, throwing props around, and never missing a beat. This is the kind of performance that people drive three hours from DC to see.

[abbyhogan15]

Turning Childhood Dreams into a Reality: A Job in Wedding Planning

In the last blog I talked about being an event planner and this week I want to pick a specialization which is wedding planning. In the past couple months I have had the opportunity to help a friend with her wedding. I was able to set up her engagement party which was so fun and now I am helping with some ideas for the bachelorette. I think weddings are so fun and I would like to help people have the happiest day of their life. Also, I would never have an opportunity to experience a downturn in a job because people never stop getting married. 

The pros of being a wedding planner consist of running your own business, you are your own boss, you determine your salary, be full time or part time, you could be a day coordinator, networking opportunities, the market is huge and you are a part of someone’s happiness. The cons consist of you dealing with difficult clients, something could go wrong, juggle many brides at the same time, someone will expect the impossible, a long way to the top, pay isn’t great in the beginning, and you need to deal with the emotions of others. 

To become a wedding planner (with no experience) you should get some wedding planning experience by taking an online course. This will teach you the ins and outs of planning and the course will show you the ropes of planning a wedding/events. Step two is to intern with some wedding planning companies or wedding venues. Next would be to decide if you want to work with a company or on your own. The biggest thing is you don’t need a degree to be a wedding planner. You should be driven to help the couple create something memorable and special. 

Wedding planners can make anything from $32k to $86k. As a beginner you are starting low on the pole, but when you start to build experience and clientele that's when you start to make more money. You need to create a name for yourself and that's when others refer you to their friends, to give you more income. 

I would rate myself becoming a wedding planner a 8/10. What I love the most about being a wedding planner is seeing the vision come to life and helping 2 people have the happiest day of their life. I feel like wedding planning will never have a dull moment either, you are constantly doing something or helping someone. 

[phoenixyfriend]

Rex and Anakin Raise a Family: Part Four

Part One, Part Two, Part Three – Chrono

Warnings: grief, resentment, lactation, animal death

----

For all that Anakin had said he could handle the twins, Rex still takes one in the sling as they go into town. They don't have a hoverpram yet, and neither of them could figure out a way to fold the fabric to securely hold the babies' heads up. Anakin takes Luke, and Rex takes Leia, and they ignore the whispers that still follow them.

The General keeps just behind his shoulder when they get to the hardware shop that carries the closest paint they can find in such a small town. It's not meant for armor, really, but speeder paint will do the trick for now. Rex's hands shake as he picks out the shades he needs, and the young Rodian at the register almost asks about it.

The issue isn't pressed.

They make their way back to the cottage, and Leia starts fussing fifteen minutes past the town's edge. Anakin looks like he wants to offer to take her back, but Rex is fine. He can comfort her. He can--

Anakin takes the paint, floating it along in the air before them, freeing Rex's hands to focus on the infant strapped to his chest.

"I'll feed her as soon as we get back," Anakin says, low and calm. "She's a little hungry."

Pacifier, then. They're only a few minutes out, by now. She can wait for them to get back to where exchanging the twins won't involve juggling.

Rex feels eyes on him, looks up and sees the soft, quiet smile on his General's face, and ducks his head back to Leia.

She glares up at him as well as a newborn can, sucking angrily on the paci in her mouth. Rex has no idea if she's actually upset or if her face just naturally follows such an expression, but it's adorable nonetheless. He hums to her, nonsense without words.

He's never learned lullabies; they picked up drinking songs in the field and from local soldiers, from their Jedi, war songs from their trainers, pop songs from the radio. A few learned lullabies, those who loved children and wanted their own, one day, brothers like Waxer who would have adopted Numa in a heartbeat if it had been an option.

He wants to learn lullabies. He wants to be able to sing children's songs to these tiny, helpless lives he holds in his hands, day in and day out. He wants to learn Mandalorian songs, real ones, not just battle chants and mourning melodies. He wants to be able to raise them with the childhood he didn't have.

"Rex? Door's open."

He looks up, and Anakin's standing on the porch, pulling the keys from the lock and gesturing in with his head. Rex hadn't even realized he'd stopped walking, subconsciously waiting for the blockage of the door to be handled. It's easier to focus on the children.

The paint gets sent to the backyard--trapped fumes wouldn’t be good for the children--and Rex lays Leia down in her crib. Anakin urges him to the backyard, says I’ll handle it about anything Rex uses to delay, and it’s only a few minutes later that Rex finds himself sitting on the grass, armor spread across a sheet of disposable flimsi, paints and brushes at the ready. He doesn’t quite remember setting it up, but he must have.

Anakin joins him, a twin in each arm and the Force laying out a picnic blanket. Leia’s nursing, swaddled up but content to suckle, and Luke seems happy to doze when Anakin sets him down on the cotton gingham. It’s a warm day, with a light breeze, and the babies are where the wind won’t carry the paint fumes.

“I’m here if you need me,” Anakin promises, though his attention drifts immediately to his daughter.

Rex begins to paint.

----

His remembrances are endless.

Every brother he’s ever known, every general he’s met, every small commander and random civilian, everyone he loved and knew. He lights a pyre, sings under his breath and tries not to break in a way that can’t be patched together. He mourns the tubies and cadets, the Jedi younglings, names he never learned and now never would.

Anakin gets Japor from somewhere, carves it whenever he’s too jittery to sleep and the twins are asleep. Rex recognizes a few symbols, like the open circle fleet, like Fives’ helmet eel, like Ahsoka’s markings. There are more, though, that are wholly unfamiliar, things he thinks are born of desert sands and binary suns, rough and painful and deeper in Anakin’s heart than even the Jedi.

He asks about the one for Fives, when he sees it.

He hides his anger.

Explanations, first.

“It’s an apology,” his General tells him, eyes distant. “I should have listened to him. I didn’t. The carvings are regrets, broken trust... that sort of thing. I’m part of why he died, and in that, part of why the rest is gone. He and his memory deserve a place of honor.”

Rex considers that, and accepts it.

Fives deserves an apology. The General recognizes that.

The General recognizes that he fucked up.

This is a good thing.

Rex lets go of his anger, still curled tight to his chest after months, as best he can.

He’s not very good at it, but he can try.

Luke starts crying, and Rex gets up to warm a bottle.

----

“I need to stay close to home until the twins are a little older,” Rex says. Teskarim, the woman at the childcare store, tilts her head to encourage him to continue. “I’m... I’ve never been anything but a soldier, and nobody here needs security services, but I can hunt. Do you know if there’s any kind of licenses required, or lists of which animals are legal hunt and which are endangered?”

“I... don’t,” she says, chewing her bottom lip. “But I think the butcher’s shop can probably point you in the right direction.”

Damn. He’d been hoping he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone new today.

“Thanks,” he sighs, and shells out some of the local currency for more formula.

----

The butcher has answers, and preferences. Rex isn’t much of a trapper, but he’s a hell of a shot, and decent enough scout and tracker. He listens to what there is to hear, and mentally takes all the notes he can. There aren’t any licenses needed in this hemisphere, but there are legally-defined hunting seasons for different creatures. The butcher knows when the optimal times of day are, which parts of the nearby forest and mountains are best to stake out, and so on.

Rex tells Anakin about his plan. He gets a slow blink in response, a cringe in what he thinks is guilt, and an offer to meditate for the best direction to take when he goes out. He accepts the offer in the spirit its meant, and sets out the next morning with the expectation that he may need to spend a few nights out under the leaves and stars.

The calm and quiet are their own kind of comfort. He’s loyal to Anakin, and he already loves the twins, but there’s a part of him that needs to be away from natborns right now. Anakin was a Jedi, a general, and fought in the metaphorical trenches with the rest of them, but he wasn’t a brother.

They grieve many of the same people, but they do not grieve the same way.

Rex needs the solitude. Not forever, not even for very long, but he needs it.

It takes two days, but he finds one of the in-season creatures, a creature shaped much like an Alderaan deer, but larger, and with longer fur. It’s darker in color, too, and he gives it a bit of time to wander about until he can be sure it’s a male, and he’s not about to leave some fawns without a mother. The shot is clean, and it doesn’t take him very long to tie it up and sling it over his shoulders to bring back to town.

The trek back takes hours, and the creature on his back is a pain to carry, but it’s almost worth the looks he gets from the civvies. Eyes bulge out the sockets at the sight of him, and he’s glad his helmet hides his smirk. He’s Kamino stock, hardened by over three years on the front lines, and there’s a pride in how easy the physical things are for him. It’s not impossible for a natborn to carry this kind of creature this far without help, but it’s uncommon.

He kind of likes the attention, now that it doesn’t come with the many prejudices that being a clone always had.

Anakin meets him at the butcher’s, one twin on his chest and the other on his back.

Seems he’s found a solution to that.

“Here to help me barter a fair payment?” Rex asks, and gets a too-charming grin in response.

“Well, I’ve been doing it most of my life,” Anakin says, cheery in a way that feels pasted on. “And I’ll have a trick to know if we’re being cheated.”

It’s a solid response, but Rex doesn’t like it. He takes note of the bags under Anakins eyes. “Have you been sleeping, sir?”

“Twins,” the man himself says. “And don’t call me ‘sir,’ Rex, we’ve been over this.”

“You need to sleep, General.”

Anakin pouts at him, probably because of the title. “I can handle two days alone, Captain.”

Rex rolls his eyes and sidles through the entrance of the butcher’s shop.

They’ve got this.

[mercurial-madhouse]

Tips for Writing Multiple Fics at Once

"I always feel like there is this one little secret to writing multiple stories at the same time that just nobody is telling me about."

A fellow author made this comment in a writers’ group chat today. If you're a writer, chances are you have a folder of ideas waiting to be written. Writers are idea-generating machines. Maybe you even have stories started and set aside, begging you to Write me!. 

If you write fanfiction, where shorter tales are constantly appealing to be started and a multiplicity of prompts and Fic Fests await you, that list of stories you're dying to write can grow taller than Jack's beanstalk. The answer for some authors? Write multiple fics at the same time! Why not?

I'd never consciously thought about my process before, but for anyone who is interested in having more than one story in the works at once, here are my thoughts compiled into something coherent.

*

CREATE AN OVERVIEW DOCUMENT.  We try to use our brains to store everything, but the human mind isn't programmed like that. (All of us who have more than one fic in progress will joke about how terrible our memories are.) It's like only knowing how to juggle three balls but refusing to let go of the five balls you're planning on learning to juggle next. Set those fic-balls down. Turn each story into a physical or electronic sticky note, so to speak. Include as many or as few details as you want, but what’s important is that you can see them all at once. Here are some ideas: -Colour code your documents on Google Docs. Before writing, look at them all and ask the question above, making a conscious choice to write just one colour. Once that Google Doc is open, the others don't exist. -Have due dates? Compile a list of your stories by due date. Do you have to go with the earliest? No, but if dates are important to you, it could be helpful to sort it that way. -(Yoinked this technique from a beloved author of mine.) Compile a single bullet journal page each month with your entire story list. The six most important stories each have a checklist that includes things like due date and the status, such as: brainstormed, started, completed, edited, etc. The rest are just listed by title and due date. -Maybe you need a happy medium? How about an electronic document where you can see everything on one screen with the bare essentials: Title, summary, due date (if applicable), and your progress. (i.e. 15k/50k or 1/4 or even “HALFWAY THERE!”)

Have fun! By checking what you have in process each time you sit down to write, you're less likely to be concerned about forgetting an upcoming due date.

*

PICK ONE. Active, single-minded focus is important whether you have other stories waiting in the wings or not. Having multiple stories in process simply means that sitting down for a writing session includes an extra step, a question:

Which story am I going to focus on right now?

How you make that decision and for how long that choice stands is a topic for a different post. What's important here is that once you decide, you stick to it. All of your other stories do not exist while you are in this document.

*

STICK TO IT.

You may choose to write that one story for 10 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour, an entire day, or even until the draft is completed. But the biggest secret to writing multiple stories at once is... *drumroll please*

...not writing multiple stories at the same time. Truly. This may appear obvious, but hear me out. Take a look at your thoughts the next time you're writing: Are they always focused on the story in front of you? Probably not. No matter how many stories we have that are in process, we are never actively working on more than one at one time. 

I can hear the questions flying now. What if I forget something in another story? What if I focus too long on this one and run out of time on another? What if I can't stop thinking about another story? What if I'm always having all these ideas for my other stories even when I'm working on one?

If an idea for another story barrels into your skull while writing, scribble it down in a notebook and set it aside for later. Can't stop thinking about a different story than the one you chose? Then turn your focus and give yourself some time to choose that one. Trust yourself.

*

THE TAKEAWAY.

This isn't a magical formula by any means. Ask any author who has several stories in progress and their practices will be different. Trial and error are your best friends for finding what works for you. Will it take practice? Yep. Extra work? Yep. A mindset shift? Probably. Dedication in order to keep your focus on one story? Yep. Is it impossible? Absolutely not! So even if you have fifty in-process stories, when you sit down to write, my recommendation is to know your options (overview), make your choice (Which story am I working on right now?), then stick to it (Write me!).

Have something else you’d like to chat about? I’m open to anything concerning the writing process. My goal is to keep writers writing by offering tips and tricks I’ve learned along the way.

You’ll find my Plotting vs. Pantsing fictalk here.

[twentytarot]

hi everyone! today we’re going to be doing a quick reading about who your forever is. i didn’t specify what information i wanted from the piles so each pile will touch on different parts of your connection with your forever. pick the image that sets your thoughts off and scroll down to your respective pile for your reading~ 💞

PILE ONE: CASTLE

hello, group one! okay, so your cards are all circling around an event. someone that you trust betrays you and leaves you feeling like you have nothing. what you maybe didn’t realise until this point is you can’t keep juggling all of this at once; one of the balls will drop sooner or later. and so, with this betrayal comes a moment where you must take a step back and reevaluate. it’s an “oh my god, i need to take a break from everything before i explode moment”. i can’t say i know 100% why this event is related to your forever, but it is key. maybe it gives you the opportunity to look around and realise they were there all along, a calm, unassuming friend you never realised could love you more than anyone else.

your forever is likely a pisces or a leo. on the outside they may seem very... hmm. boring? slow? like they will never make an impulsive step in their lives. they’re quite a bit more exciting once you get to know them for real, though. they’ve gotten the balance of work and play down much better than most. they will be a stabling force in your life. if you haven’t met them yet, you will within the next 9 months to 3 years!

PILE TWO: HAIR PIN

for a very split second there, you will be heartbroken by the revelation of a secret. but just as quickly as you cut off whatever was built upon that lie, this person comes along. they’re likely a pisces or a virgo, possibly cancer as well. this person is overflowing with stories to tell you, feelings to share with you, comfort and advice to give to you. if you ever get insecure and consider retreating to your old ways, hiding yourself away and dimming your own light, this person will pull you right out of it. they’ll be the first to tell you how much they appreciate you and how proud of you they are. all at once, they are your wish come true, they are everything you were waiting for. however, they’re not the most adventurous person. they’re a bit of a homebody, and honestly would rather just stay home and work than go out camping or something. they probably couldn’t give a damn that most clubs have shut indefinitely. you’ll have to drag them out if you want to go somewhere further than a 20 minute drive for dinner. they’d do it for you, though.

PILE THREE: DRESS

you will have to cross mountains and swim across rivers to be with this person. they’re not someone that’s really like the people you’re around right now. are your friends and family serious overachievers that are all successful doing their 9-5 thing? your forever is an artist, and you are their muse. you embody art and beauty to each other, and you love each other also in that intangible, impossible way. but because of that, you will get some pushback from those around you right now. in particular, friends and malicious family members will burden you by spreading their opinions of your relationship as rumours and facts. your mother, in particular, comes across as someone who could save or end you. regardless, you will find it is safer to be further away physically. i get the feeling that you don’t entirely have your own physical space from everyone right now. people impose upon you easily. you’re kind of desperate to leave but you don’t know how. with this person, there won’t even be a question— into the scary world you will go with them, and, amongst the bad, you will build your own little heaven with this person, because you love each other in a way everyone you left in the past will never know, and that’s all that matters. prominent zodiac signs are taurus and libra.

PILE FOUR: COUPLE

it looks like it might take two tries with this person to get it right, but when you do, it’s so romantic and fated. the first time you’re with this person, it will already be romantic, but you both will be a little immature. there will be lessons you learn from each other— divine lessons— and there may especially be a problem in the competition department. the both of you are probably neck and neck in terms of success in your individual lives, so you will naturally see each other as competitors. there will be moment where you accidentally see them as a competitor before a lover, and the relationship will break down. alone, you will realise it wasn’t worth it. after learning important lessons from each other, your relationship will grow again, and this time it will be so much stronger. your forever will only have eyes for you. they’re very intense, likely a scorpio (though pisces did turn up for your reading too). when one of you is going through a hard time, the other will feel their pain and lift them up instead of feeling like they just defeated an enemy. your souls are connected in many ways, and you will be in a relationship that’s very much like the romanticised “twin flames” people talk about nowadays. don’t feel like a bad person for the lessons they will teach you, you’re both learning about loving someone wholeheartedly, and it’s a tough one that very few people have the opportunity to witness, much less experience.

[certified-dumbass02]

Alright yall, this is my first crack at an xreader or second person ficlet. I never actually felt the desire to read any until I saw Black Widow and fell in love at first sight with Yelena (self-explanatory). I don’t think I ever would have tried this but I was inspired by the lovely @peachbear88 and the song Clouds by Borns.

Let me know what y’all think

~*~

Clouds

Clouds

“Lena! Let’s go watch clouds!” You shout excitedly, bouncing up and down on your toes as you poke at the lump under the covers. A soft groan emanates as a blonde head pops out from her cocoon, blankets clinging to the top of her wild bed head like a nun’s habit.

Bleary green eyes squint at you as her face pinches up in an adorable yawn, and for an instant, you almost feel bad for waking her early on a weekend when she usually sleeps in. Almost.

You know Yelena, when she’s fully alert, has an active imagination that relishes its chances to run wild. Her mind works a mile a minute, and her watchful eyes catch everything with the excitement of a child and the experience of a worldly woman. It’s one of the many things you love about her. This activity is right up her alley, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

“Clouds? Is that a show?” Her accent is thicker and her voice rougher from sleep, so you grin at her and pat her head fondly as you sit on the bed next to her. She grunts, mumbles something about not being a cat, but leans into your hand as you smooth her hair down anyways.

“Not a show. It’s where you lay in the grass, look at the clouds, and try to see if you can interpret any shapes out of them.”

She frowns slightly. “Isn’t it supposed to rain today?”

“No! It’s the perfect day to go to the park. So sunny.”

A delicate blond brow quirks up, and you find yourself wondering how someone with sleep crust still in her eyes can look so devastatingly beautiful. “If it’s sunny, there won’t be clouds to watch, no?”

Yelena’s long eyelashes flutter against the back of your hand as you wipe the crust away adoringly. “Partly cloudy. But still sunny, so no rain.”

She smiles at you, soft in the light streaming through the window, and nods. “Alright, let’s go watch the clouds.”

~*~

The blanket beneath you is soft beneath your back, the sun warm on your face, and the smell of fresh cut grass fills the air as you lie in the park with Yelena, watching clouds.

As predicted, she’s taken to it like a duck to water.

“That one! That one right there!” She points excitedly, hand jutting up in the air in front of you. “It’s clearly a grenade launcher!”

You open your mouth to protest, but no sound comes at as you squint further at the cloud, because hey that actually does kind of look like that grenade launcher Yelena brought home that one time and giddily mounted on the-

“And that one is most definitely a ladybug,” she points at a different one, closer to her side.

Your face breaks into a smile. Yelena’s imagination is stretched so far to accommodate all she is and all she’s learned in her life; the way her mind works has you looking fondly at her in wonder and awe.

You recover yourself and your bearings before she notices you staring. “That one is a swan.”

She cocks her head slightly at you and frowns. “It can’t be a swan. Look at that spot of cloud up near its head - it doesn’t belong.”

“Ahh but my dear,” you tut, bopping her nose lightly as she giggles. “That spot is a trumpet for our dear bird.”

She grins in delight as she understands. “Like the Trumpet and the Swan!”

You nod at her with an answering smile and hum you agreement. Yelena had found that book on one of your bookstore adventures and had, perhaps surprisingly, adored it. Her copy is still proudly on the nightstand beside the bed at home.

After the swan cloud, the two of you continue gazing, with the suggestions becoming progressively more ridiculous as the afternoon wears on.

A juggling clown. An exact imitation of the country of Vietnam. An elephant on a unicycle. A World War 2 tank. A sickle and hammer, as you eye her with a smirk and she shoves you playfully with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

Maybe, it is that shove that knocks your sense out of you.

Maybe it’s the way the sun glances off her golden hair and lights up her blazing green eyes. Maybe it’s the fact that her smile fills your chest with air at the same time it knocks it out of you. Or maybe, it’s because it’s been on the tip of your tongue for months now and you just don’t see the point in shutting your mouth any longer - was there ever really a point?

Whatever the reason, it comes bubbling out of you, and you open your mouth anxious and eager and praying you don’t stutter or trip over your words because you want it to be right. Yelena deserves right.

“Hmm,” you hum, looking at her from the side of your eye. “I think that one looks like my future.”

She frowns slightly, brow furrowing in confusion as she turns her head to squint at you. “What?”

You grin, feeling more confident now, because of course this is exactly what you want to be doing, who you want to be doing it with. “That one looks like my future.”

“The dark, shapeless blob is your future? Doesn’t seem very promising.” She tuts in that blunt, sarcastic way of hers.

You’re turned fully on you side now, facing her as she turns to face you, and her smart mouth has you burst out in raucous laughter, like it always does.

“You’re not even looking at the clouds! How can you say one looks like your future? What does a future even look like?!” She splutters in indignation as you start sucking in breaths in between cackles. Yelena tries to glare sternly at you, to no avail. She is a deadly, dangerous woman, but she couldn’t intimidate you if she wanted to - and she would never, ever want to.

Deciding to abandon her half-hearted glower, she proceeds to sulk cutely.

It’s this pout finally calms you, and you smile. It’s maybe the softest smile you’ve ever done, and this is definitely the softest you’ve ever been, but somehow it feels like you’ve done this before. It doesn’t feel scary, or overwhelming even if this is new to you, because it feels like you’ve loved Yelena your whole life.

“You’re right. I wasn’t looking at the clouds,” you say, letting it hang suspended in the air for a moment so you can fully relish the second it clicks for her. You see exactly when it does; her green eyes widen and her cheeks bloom a pretty, dusty pink as your smile grows impossibly larger and softer. “You. You look like my future, Yelena Belova.”

For an instant, it seems like she truly believes you - she flushes deeper than you’ve ever seen. The next instant it changes, like she wants to believe you, but a battle rages in her eyes between the faithful and the skeptical. The instant after that, she shakes her head almost imperceptibly, mouth pursing and she scoffs, laughing you off.

You see it for what it is. Her sound is dismissive, not out of apathy, but out of fear. Her eyes roll, but snap back to you, practically begging you to be sincere - to mean it, because for some ungodly reason no one else has. Cagey as she is, she will never ask for it aloud.

Yelena very carefully gives you an out; it’s as much to protect her as it is to protect you. You could join her, laugh it off as a corny joke and avoid this, probably forever, or you could stay and embrace it.

As if you could ever do anything but stay.

You reach out a hand, setting it down in the grass half the distance to her stiff, rigid body. Almost automatically, Yelena reaches out with her own, and as you twine your fingers together, you see the tension melt from her form.

“I mean it, Lena. Anytime I try to think about my future, all I see is your face over and over. It’s like I was sleepwalking before I met you, but then you woke me up,” you whisper gently, because these kinds of soul-bearing words are made for quiet, intimate murmurs, not loud, boisterous declarations. “A life without you would be no life at all.”

The blonde beauty you’ve found yourself enamored with inhales sharply, like you’ve hit her in the gut. The green eyes you associate with warmth, with laughter, with home, flicker with hope, but still, she seems conflicted.

Hoping to finally put her mind at ease, you squeeze her hand and smile again. “I love you, Yelena. I don’t want anything, or anyone, but you. I want to go wherever you go, then come home together to a closet full of pocketed vests and flannel and a whole pack of dogs. Nothing else could compare.”

Immediately, it’s like a damn breaks. She swiftly launches herself at you, burying her face in your neck and nuzzling the pulse there. If you feel wetness on your skin as she mumbles out an “I love you too,” you don’t mention it. Instead, you grip her tighter, warmth from her body and her words seeping into your bones like molasses.

You two lie there for sometime, love admissions pouring from you both like free-flowing wine. Eventually, she settles her head over your heart as you rest your chin on blonde hair.

“So what do you say, Lena? Will you be my future for forever?” You ask, running the pads of your fingers lightly over her knuckles.

She grabs your hand, kisses your palm simply. “Yes.”

You can feel the ghost of her smiling lips still on your palm, so you bring your twined hands up to your own grin and buss her wrist and the knuckles you’d mapped out earlier. “Even if it means being dragged out to watch clouds with me?”

Yelena turns then, humming in faux consideration. “The activity could grow on me in time. Not unlike you,” she pauses for a moment and then smirks devilishly. “Or a rash.”

You bark out a laugh. “Wow, comparing me to a rash? We’re off to a great start.”

You watch as green eyes roll, knowing and happily expecting to see as much for the rest of your life. “Well, you proposed by comparing me to a fat rain cloud,” she shrugs. “I think we’re even.”

“It’s not a rain cloud! It’s a perfectly normal cloud - and hey! I wasn’t even looking at that cloud, remember?”

“It absolutely is a rain cloud. You implied I was large, amorphous, and filled with liquid, liable to ruin outdoor sporting events and the days of small children by pissing all over them.”

“I so did not! And it isn’t going to rain!”

“Yes it is.”

~*~

It rained.

Smiling into your kisses with Yelena’s warm hands on your neck, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.