#photosynthesis tag

[pinkseas]

Eggpire question!! (please tell me if you get sick of these): I liked the portrayal of Hannah’s nightmares in photosynthesis, and it was mentioned that Ant experiences sleep paralysis I think? What do the other eggpire members have nightmares about? Do any of them experience sleep paralysis?

ill definitely let u kno if i do get sick of them however i have not yet and doubt i will !!! dorry for taking forever to answer this my mind has been. elsewhere LMAO

i havent actually thought much about what the others nightmares would be like !! ant and hannah def both experience sleep paralysis, and honestly i wouldnt be too surprised if the others did from time to time, especially someone like skeppy who was trapped in one place for so long and would probably be really fucked up if he dreamt of being back there. that being said sleep paralysis itself is kind of random (save for like. when ppl get it when theyre super stressed abt smth) so i couldnt say for sure who else would or wouldnt have it, hannah was projection and ant was both just Vibes and to give hannah a friend who understood the feeling.

as for nightmares. i think bad has both plain old nightmares and nightmares that are just memories, about both the egg and skeppy. mundane things, mostly. less skeppy's death, more just. watching him talk to and interact with the egg. and he himself talking to and interacting with the egg. like nothing has changed. waking up disoriented but comfortable. comfort turning to terror as realization kicks in. and then feeling sick all day to be dreaming of something like that, to miss it that much.

idk if ponk would have nightmares about the egg specifically? i can definitely imagine ones about losing his arm though. maybe some where it's back and waking up is wildly disorienting, maybe some where he's losing it and feeling the pain of it all over again.

if any of them had nightmares in common i think it'd be of the night of the banquet, when they were scattered and running and the egg reached out as strongly as it could to each of them and pulled. nightmares where they feel the egg's own fury and terror all over again, the sense of betrayal, the pain that gripped them all in those last moments before the tether snapped and they were able to run.

and that's all sort of just speculation, nightmares are in my experience pretty rarely based off real events and can definitely change DRASTICALLY to encompass and express different sorts of fear. they could dream of all sorts of things- taking a nice stroll through land fully corrupted by bloodvines, maybe. dreaming that the egg never existed in the first place and their lives never changed and they're happy and loved with old friends. things far stranger than that, things that dont seem connected to the egg at all but have the same emotion tied in. anything really !!!

[hulloitsdani]

DAY 7: Summer!!!

Kiran summer alt real!!! Much like the Day of Devotion alt, I was actually toying with a design for this a while back, but never got around to cleaning it up. Which means its bonus sketch time! Yippee!

So this started as me wanting to draw that summer Sharena design after seeing xander-wolk take a crack at it, which you can find here. It was meant to be more of a warm up sketch but next thing I knew all four of my guys are on screen.

Then I explored the outfit a little more. Debated giving Kiran more dangly bits. But I ultimately settled on what usually works when drawing Kiran; throwing a coat on it.

[cordycepsbian]

plant animals

[bg3-dyes]

Why are you the best BG3 blog out there… what good deed did we do to deserve you 😭❤️

imagine how much better of a BG3 blog ill be once i actually play the game 🤪❤️ anyway now that i have your attention does this human preset look like chris pine or am i insane

i call her cripin. like chris pine but not quite

[ihavetoomuchhomeworkforthis]

So I found this on Google, and I accidentally ended up having a megabrainstorm session with my dad about if Vulcans were actually photosynthetic, or really just how photosynthetic humanoids would work in general and how they'd function on a Starfleet ship? It was more like me ranting excitedly at my dad for a few minutes, but there were some cool ideas in there. (I mean I think they're cool, hopefully you guys do too)

Warning: EXTREMELY long (and nerdy) bullet point list follows under the cut

green skin because chlorophyll

possibly even leafy skin, which might end up looking more like scales, but with patches of softer more leaf-like areas where we'd have more body fat and/or body hair

(they can still have that Vulcan hair though, since it's sort of a defining trait/style of the species in Star trek)

This means they have to absorb sunlight through their skin, and convert it into energy in the form of glucose, like trees

Therefore they'd have to have glucose (not copper) based blood (but the melting point of sugar is really high? Hadn't quite worked that part out)

Their blood would be white then? Amber, like tree sap. Wait actually don't some flowers/green stemmed things have white sap in the stems? (Maybe their blood would change from white to amber as they age? I know flowers aren't younger versions of trees, but it would be cool)

and they'd have to drink water just as much as humans because plants need water (as Chekhov is panicking about) but maybe since Chekhov is worried about "watering" spock, their hair can function like roots or something to soak up extra water as well. Idk if it rains much on Vulcan but when it did they'd all be going outside like the worms do on Earth lol

They wouldn't really have to eat if sunlight is their primary energy source. Their mouth would be just for water, breathing, and speaking. In which case they'd have ALL different organ systems, seeing as our digestive system takes up a good chunk of space in the torso, what would they fill it with? Being humanoid, they'd still need lungs, as well as a heart to circulate the (glucose based?) blood. They can still have a liver as a toxin filter and whatever else livers do (trees have to deal with not-so-clean water, so the photosynthetic Vulcans could probably deal with pretty muddy/questionable water as well. And maybe that connects to a very basic digestive system (liver-filters > short and singular intestine > rectum) which is mostly just for getting rid of the mud (yes, pooping.) And the liver can also deal with dusty/sandy air probably. Oh they might not need to eat (maybe even CAN'T eat since they wouldn't need or have the organs to deal with it) but they could drink liquids other than water, and it might be helpful/necessary to drink sugary fruit drinks if it's been cloudy for a few days, because humanoids expend a LOT more energy than plants probably do. They probably have a "stomach" which acts as a storage and distribution-into-bloodstream area for water and sugar, a little like how a camel's hump works, so it might not only be "OMG did anyone water Spock today!?" But also "OMG Spock fainted, somebody get him fruit juice!" *frantic running to the mess hall* *20 ccs of sugar* "I told you to drink more sugary stuff, our artificial light here just can't give you as much energy as your THREE ENTIRE SUNS back home, you ****ing idiotic hobgoblin!" *definitely not crying over Spock's wellbeing*

Idk what would make up the rest of their torso since they don't need as much space for organs. Heart, lungs, liver, one intestine + waste management, storage stomach, and the rest of ours is primarily taken over by about 15 feet of scrunched intestines, so maybe for them it's all leg, or they could maybe have a redundant extra pair of lungs, and/or another heart, especially to lessen the workload since tree sap is significantly thicker than human blood? Or maybe all the water would thin it out? Or one heart is more connected to the skin where they absorb light energy and cycles the glucose-based blood (which goes from white to amber as they grow up) and the other heart connects more to the water/fruit juice storage stomach and cycles water as well as somehow sends old water off to get peed out? And they should also have an organ that somehow counters sunburn and helps then deal with their world's elevated levels of radiation.

So: two pairs of lungs (for no real reason), two hearts (and two circulatory systems?), one for water and one that's more for the nutrients of glucose from sunlight, a storage stomach, a liver, an organ that deals with radiation and sunburn, a short intestine for the undrinkable parts of potentially muddy/contaminated water, the rectum to poop out the mud, the kidneys/bladder/urinary system for old water, and I think that's it.

I've been occasionally researching (googling) during the process of writing this, and I found that trees actually do have 2 different kinds of sap! Phloem is the "more nutrient rich form, and flows from the leaves bringing sugars and hormones to nutrient-hungry parts of the plant," while Xylem "consists mostly of water" so it's perfectly reasonable for them to have 2 hearts, one for each kind!

But how can we design starships to be more Vulcan-friendly then, if they need so much light? Well first of all, having sugar as an option for hyposprays in the medbay/sickbay, as well as plenty of sugary drinks available in the replicators, and the sugary fruit drinks shouldn't "cost" as much in rations since the Vulcans sort of need it as much as they need water when they aren't able to access direct sunlight. Speaking of which, all the hallways should have strips of light off to the side (one on the floor and another shining down from the ceiling above it) that the Vulcan crewmembers can walk through, and there should be a solarium room which does its best to replicate at least the lighting and radiation conditions of Vulcan (the planet). This solarium should have the light panels be able to slide away to reveal actual windows, and starships with any Vulcans in their crew should be required to spend a minimum amount of time every so often in orbit of an actual sun or star system so that the Vulcans can have genuine sunlight. It would be really funny if Spock just had a spotlight that follows him around like Olaf's snow cloud in Frozen, but it would be more practical if his station on the bridge just had extra light panels which are positioned in some way so as not to shine in his eyes. Also, this photosynthesis sort of depends on their skin actually being exposed to light, so the uniform would probably be modified for Vulcans to be short sleeves and shorts despite how weird that would be, or it would be designed like tinted glass somehow, or... some other way of letting the light in without being immodest, idk

And now for a very important question: some trees are deciduous, yes? Oh dang it I just googled whether Vulcan has seasons and the answer was no. Scrolling down pointed out that Vulcan is a desert planet and so they'd naturally be able to go without water for longer periods of time than humans. That second one is okay, that's why they have a water storage organ sort of like camels, and I guess maybe they wouldn't need so much water after all. More like cacti than trees. But the no axis tilt / no seasons thing sort of cancels out what I was about to write :(

I'll write it anyway. Let's pretend for a second that Vulcan has seasons, because this whole thing can really apply to "photosynthetic humanoids" in general, not just photosynthetic Vulcans in particular. So, I was about to talk about deciduous trees :) When the seasons shift towards winter, the sunlight is weaker, trees go red before losing their leaves and sort of hibernating, right? Well what if Vulcans start going pale, then yellowy, and eventually taking on a pale reddish hue, and since they can't lose their skin to conserve energy, they consume as much sugar/fruit juice as they can over a period of a few weeks, before going into hibernation like bears?

This means that your Vulcan crewmate is kind of useless for at least a quarter of every year, which isn't really a problem unless they're a senior officer, but if they ARE a senior officer, they better have an apprentice or someone who can cover for them while they hibernate. Maybe another Vulcan from the opposite side of the planet, who would naturally hibernate during the opposite half of the year.

Would this Vulcan and their opposite-side-of-the-planet counterpart be best friends, or bitter rivals? Who knows!

Now, starships do not actually have seasons, so the hibernation cycle wouldn't be technically necessary. The Vulcan has two options: either slowly adjust to the year-round availability of sunlight over a period of multiple years so that they don't have to abandon their crew for a few months out of every year (and be SEVERELY messed up if they ever retire and go back to the hypothetical version of Vulcan which has seasons), OR, make sure that the availability of light mimics the seasonal cycle of pretend-Vulcan-with-seasons so that they can have their hibernation cycle properly. (Clearly the better option if they aren't a senior officer, especially if they don't plan to spend the rest of their life on the ship.)

Also it would be really cute to see what kind of pillow fort nest Spock would probably end up making in his quarters to hibernate in. I wonder if they'd visit him.

DO NOT WAKE THE HIBERNATING SPOCK. Google says waking up an animal from hibernation too early can have fatal consequences. On the other hand, it also said bears can wake themselves up immediately to protect cubs if necessary or if they're startled awake, so maybe he can respond to red alerts. However going based off the first point, it might be necessary to completely soundproof his quarters and make sure he remains undisturbed. And yet another possibility is that photosynthetic Vulcans wouldn't need to hibernate at all if they come from a part of the planet which is mostly friendly year-round (which would technically be true, since it doesn't actually have seasons at all, and they would choose to have civilizations in the most habitable areas. Maybe civilizations closer to the poles would have Vulcans that are naturally paler or more reddish, like how the Aenar on the Andorian homeworld are blind and paler.)

Animals coming out of hibernation can have lost up to 30% of their body weight (over a QUARTER), so Vulcans coming out of hibernation would look so sick and weak, and they'd probably take a while to get their full green color back, and the more soft leafy areas of higher body fat would have shriveled into just the small scale-like leaves that make up the majority of their skin, and their uniforms would be all baggy on them, and the human crew would probably be so so so worried for them, especially the first few hibernation cycles

*Spock stumbles onto the bridge for the first time in several months, pale orange-red and extremely skinny* "Oh my god, Spock!" (overjoyed at his return) -- "Oh my god Spock you look like crap, are you alright?" (softer and full of concern upon actually noticing what he looks like) -- "This is perfectly normal, I'll be fine, you need me on du-" *faints*

[epicaricacyyy]

jellayfishsprite ^_^ my baby its/it

[frogenthusiastt]

HI ILY

8 for the writing prompt :)

8: Sunbathing

The early morning is still.

The dunes are faded amber in the early hour, like they haven't yet remembered how to be real. Vash has always appreciated the liminality of this time, when the first sun has just returned and most people are still asleep. Very few times has danger found him when anyone with a gun is still in bed working off their inebriation, and greed and violence has not yet taken shape on the tip of their tongues.

He watches the scenery come to life from underneath the cliff he's perched on, breathing in the air on just the right side of cool and letting the world breathe its life back into him. He feels limitless, like the borders of his body is still about as tangible as the breaking of light against the horizon.

Wolfwood has never understood his predilection towards early hours. He's always been the type of man to come alive in the evening, suddenly setting out to do tasks or getting engrossed in a book or sharing a beer or ten. Whenever Vash wants to ask him for a favor he knows to do it after 6 pm and it'll cut the otherwise lengthy process in half. For all that he loves to bitch and moan to the point Vash suspects it's just some complicated form of affection at this point, sometimes it's nice to just get straight to the point.

It's just before 5 am right now, and Vash knows Wolfwood will probably threaten to do bodily harm if he so much as breathes in his direction for the next 4 hours, but Vash is content to just sit here and breathe in time and pale light and let himself be until that time comes.

That's another thing Wolfwood has never understood about him. One of the parts he does his darnedest to hide in order to not make people uncomfortable. You know, he'd told him once, you can sit really still when you don't think anyone sees you. It's like you– I don't know, you zone out for a moment and suddenly it's like you're not really there anymore.

Vash had laughed him off, told him he shouldn't fault a man for getting stiff at his old age. He doesn't know how to explain this, that if he silences the motion of his body he can hear the rest of the world singing back to him.

Vash puts a hand on the ground and feels the red rust of desert patina in the back of his mouth. Further down, further than that it's years and years of basalt, interlaced with streaks of quartz and tourmaline and calcium tungstate sleeping in the shadowy depths of the planet. It tastes like salt licorice, coats his gums in salty film and makes him feel cool and sturdy and safe.

When he breathes in he can feel the nitrogen and oxygen molecules tumbling in their usual fervent skirmish, dancing around each other and rolling around in his lungs, in his bloodstream. Carbon dioxide comes in with its delightful sweetness, tasting of joy and life and flushing his cheeks red. Methane and ozone taste metallic, buzzing sharp-slap that remind him of his brother.

And then, joyous of all, is the sun now coming in with its loving weight, dousing his limbs and his body and his mind in warm golden love. Vash breathes in slow, breathes out even slower and lets himself indulge in this cycle his body desperately craves, more than any water or food. The sun loves him, the sun has always loved him and cared for him and nurtured him, from the moment he was born and a little before that still.

The vibrating hot fills his bloodstream in a rush and his eyelids droop closed, lets the thinnest expanses of skin drink up the electromagnetic affection from his face, his neck, his wrists, the soles of his feet. It's hard to think like this, when the sun is in him and around him and making him drowsy and giddy and excited and calm. This is probably what drugs feel like to humans, something that had confused him when he was young and had tried them for the first time. The blissed out faces of people dancing and singing and kissing had confused him, then, when all he tasted was 3,4-methylenedioxy-N-methylamphetamine and 3,4-methylene-dioxyprovalerone and bath salts, but later it had clicked, on a morning just like this one.

Vash breathes in and it's love-love-love, pure and unfiltered, golden and sultry and dripping down his veins like honey. The sun is in him and its child watches from her skirts and his bones feel aligned for the first time in a long time, like something in him has shifted just slightly to the left and everything had been fine all along.

Time drips from an olive branch, heavy and languid. Wind jostles his hair and sends ripples against the fine hairs on his arms, wakes his nerves up with sparks, reminds him of the outside world. He opens his eyes slowly, adjusting back over the imprints of light still dancing across his sclera.

Two ladies are making their way across the main street, hair perfectly fixed and chattering amongst themselves. Escorts, probably. Vash can see no other reason why someone would look so presentable at this time of day. A couple of construction workers have gathered at the saloons, fixing themselves some coffee before their labor begins. He regards them all fondly, the well oiled machine in how they move around each other like a song and dance, the murmur of their greetings and the pat-pat-pat of their feet against the ground.

One lady makes her way from the hotel they had been staying at, russet hair bouncing as she walks with purpose and– oh that's Meryl. She's walking straight towards him, even though he doubts she can see him from here. It's always been an uncanny ability of hers, the way she can figure anyone out from the moment she meets them: what their favorite flavor of ice cream is, how they like to sleep, where they're most likely to be at just shy of 6 am in the morning. Vash works motion back into his body as she makes her way up the hill, willing the glow of his skin back into something more standard for a human man. He's not surprised when she comes up to sit next to him. Maybe that's why she understands people so well - she always makes sure to be placed at their level, always makes sure to look people in the eye.

"Morning Mr Vash," she says kindly.

"Morning," he replies.

She turns to look out the postcard view in front of them. "Oh wow, that's a mighty beautiful sight! I can see all the people of town from up here."

He smiles. He knew she'd get it. "Yeah."

They sit in amicable silence for a few minutes, basking in the sunlight, knees knocking together. She hums a tune he hasn't heart before. He listens.

After a few minutes she stretches and yawns, standing back up and patting the dust of her skirt with a firm pat pat. "Would you like to join me for breakfast? Food always tastes better with company."

He takes her outstretched hand, feels the warmth of it as he stands.

"Yeah. I'd like that."

[fully-caulked-wagon]

*Sprinkler noises*

Yo, If you watered Zoro's hair, Would it grow down like a willow tree, Or up like Bart Simpson's?

[ite-its-jellyfish-love]

if the characters were pirates on a pirate ship what would their roles be 👀

Oh my gosh, I just finished all of the One Piece episodes on Netflix I'm so qualified to answer this ask, thank you 😤!! (I still needed to search up pirate roles though, haha...)

From the main cast, Momoka would say he's the captain, but Chiaki would probably run the show behind the scenes (probably the Quartermaster, if I wanted to use the technical term). In practice, I think Momoka would serve as the navigator, haha.

I suppose Katsuo would serve as the "second mate" in name (since he's always around "Captain" Momoka), but I could see him being in charge of all the ship things (sails, driving... stuff like that). Rankou would be the cook. He does not make good nor nutritious food, but he's the only one who likes to cook so everyone else has to suck it up. He and Katsuo would also man the cannon together.

Achlys would be the surgeon (believe it or not, his family does have a history of being doctors), but he wouldn't be happy about it.

Sui wouldn't be anything special, he'd probably just be the low errand boy or something like that. Poor guy 😢.

[moonyistired]

krobus: you're not like other humans, are you?

kore, a wholeass humanoid plant: i guess so

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] "i just dont know if i can make it happen well enough" respectfully, the most lighthearted-ly. jab i can tone out. aly. bestie. you wrote 2 fics of hurt/comfort that drove me insane and got me to u im sure its more than enough

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I WILL DO MY BEST !!!!!!

[valentineveils]

cant even say this is what photosynthesis does to a motherfucker . this is TRAUMA

[golden-ebony]

First Lesson✎ ⋆⑅˚₊

♡ Pairing: Logan Howlett/Fem!Reader

♡ Word Count: 2.3k

♡ Rating: Explicit

♡ Warning/Tags: SMUT, MINORS DNI, p-v sex, slight fingering, desk sex, Logan is a good boy for you

♡ Summary: you give Logan a lesson of silence when you take control in your classroom

♡ Note: this came to me in a vision while at work

Walking around your classroom, you examined your students as they worked in pairs to finish their worksheets. It was Friday, and the kids were uncharacteristically focused. As a reward, you allowed them to begin their homework early since you were able to breeze through your lesson. You peered over your students’ shoulders, most of them finished with their assignment and chose to chat instead. With a few minutes left in the class, you decided to get your kids ready to go.

“Alright, guys,” you bellowed, catching each students’ attention as you made your way to the front of the classroom again, “We only have a few minutes left, and I saw that many of you have already completed your assignment, and correctly!” you jested, receiving some giggles from your students.

“So, like I said earlier, plants are kind of like us, but they’re still different.” As you began, your focus moved to the open classroom door, Logan leaning on the doorframe. You heard some of the kids in the back say hi to him, all of them trained at this point to call him Mr. Logan. He smirked against the frame anyway and started to become a distraction to your students. “They get hungry, too, but how do they eat?”

A few of your students raised their hands, but you couldn’t help but notice Logan talking to your students in the corner, being a further distraction. “Mr. Logan,” you call him instead, catching his attention. “Since you are here, you might as well learn something, too. Can you tell me what plants eat?”

A number of students chuckled. Logan slightly shrugged, “I didn’t know they ate, darling.”

“Well not as much as you do, Mr. Logan,” you quipped, biting the inside of your cheek to stifle your smile. The laugh from your students was boisterous; thanks to Logan, and your own petty behavior, you knew they’d be unfocused for the last few minutes. Whenever Logan decided to bother your class, it felt like an unspoken competition on who could make your students laugh more. In reality, Logan just liked teasing you in front of your students. You used to get very flustered when he started this, but now, you matched his sarcastic wit. “But yes, they do eat.”

His eyes went playfully wide with a wry smile as your class essentially broke out into laughter and conversation. You knew this was his plan. Logan knew your narrowed and targeted eyes, crossed arms, and pout was your way of calling him an asshole in a room full of children. Definitely worth it, in his opinion. 

“We will talk about photosynthesis next week, so I’ll dismiss you guys a little early, alright?” you yelled over your students’ voices. They all quickly began packing up, still chattering. “But Mr. Logan, stay after class,” you said as sternly as you could over the noise of the kids. It was loud enough for your students to voice a number of ooohs. 

You began erasing your white board for the day as the kids began saying bye to both you and Logan. Hearing the scattering of the last set of feet, you next heard Logan close the door ensuring it was also locked.

“Don’t you have a history class that should’ve been ending right now instead of bothering me?” you scorned, looking over your shoulder at your boyfriend, a hint of humor in your voice.

“They’re working on papers,” Logan shrugged, another smirk grew across his lips as he crossed his arms, “I thought I told you that this morning.”

“It’s hard to hear you when your face is buried between my thighs, Lo.”

In hopes of just hearing what his Friday entailed, you asked this morning as you prepared to go get ready for the day in your own room at five in the morning. Logan thought the time would be better served by getting an early morning taste of you. He found a way to do both, but you were soon interrupted.

“Regardless, you look damn good when you teach,” Logan cooed as sauntered over toward you, “Why would I wanna miss that?”

You finished erasing your board before placing the eraser down, “Yeah? Sit down, you might learn something, baby.”

“Oh yeah?” Logan raised an eyebrow at your statement before letting out a chuckle. He walked over to your desk and sat on the edge. “Then go ahead and teach me something. I’m more of a hands-on learner though, sweetheart.”

“Oh, I know,” you slyly muttered as you ran your hands over his taut thighs until they spread enough for you to stand between them. You brought your hands to his chest, massaging his pecs before moving to his shoulders. He let out a small hum, pulling you closer by your waist.“I actually think you could teach me a thing or two, too, Mr. Logan.” 

You could tell he was already mentally undressing you out of your olive dress. The heat between you was palpable. He moved his hands down to give your ass a squeeze under your dress, slightly spreading your cheeks before his hand traveled to the small of your back. The moaned gasp you let out was genuine. “What could I possibly teach the most beautiful and smart woman in the world?”

He was laying it on thick. Probably because neither of you had a lot to address your more intimate needs as of late. His words, no matter how many times he said something like this, made it difficult for you to look at him directly. You momentarily looked away, but Logan was quick to lift up your chin between his two fingers. 

You were forced to reconnect with his darkeden eyes. “Don’t get all shy on me now, baby. Aren’t you supposed to be the teacher here?”

His teasing tone made you stand up straight, taking notice of how your touch was affecting him.“I am…�� Both of your hands traveled dangerously close to his groin. Logan let out a frustrated growl as you touch was merely teasing him now. Your hand briefly moved over his hardened groin before moving to his tease thigh, “and you’re not being a good student.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying your delicate touch before opening them to look up at you again. His gaze held a bit of lust as he spoke in a slightly breathless tone, “You’re one to talk, sweetheart..touching me like this in your classroom…”

One of your hands gripped his t-shirt, pulling him closer toward you. Your face was nuzzled into his neck. His hand that was once gripping your chin fell over chest. Your tone was low and sultry as you breathed near his ear, “Thought you were a hands-on learner, hm?”

Logan couldn’t help but shiver slightly from your breath on his ear. His cock was painfully straining against his jeans. From his low growl, you knew he had enough of your teasing. “You’re right,” He hand swiftly moved from your chest between your legs. A gasped moan jumped from your throat when Logan’s rough fingers rubbed over your sensitive folds. “I am a little more hands-on.”

Logan smirked the moment he heard your moan. You nuzzled yourself further into his neck, stating the opportunity to leave a line of hot kisses from his jaw to the collar of his shirt. The damp spot that Logan felt on your panties didn’t do your folds justice. His finger easily slicked through them once he pushed your panties aside.

“You been wet like this all day, baby?” Logan lowly asked. “This wet since I had my taste this morning of ya?”

As your response, your hand palmed his covered cock, creating the friction that Logan desperately needed.

Logan could only let out a low growl of pleasure as you continued to kiss down his neck and palm him. The feeling of your lips against his sensitive skin was driving him insane. He quickly pulled you to his lap so that you were properly straddling him. His other hand grabbed a handful of your ass, giving it a rough squeeze. Your wet core grinded against Logan’s cock, reminding you both how badly you needed this. 

Your hands gripped his muscular back as you leaned back to look at your boyfriend. He was flushed with lust before pulling you into an intense kiss. Drowning in the moment, Logan’s tongue quickly danced with yours as your hips rolled against his. 

Logan wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you firmly against his body. He hummed in satisfaction as his cock rubbed against your core. He could feel how wet you were getting and it only made him want you more. He was practically aching to be inside of you. Your cunt was clenching the air, begging to be filled.

“First lesson,” you muttered against his lips. Your hand went to undo his belt before moving toward his zipper, “keep quiet, baby…”

Logan huffed and groaned as you went for his belt and tried to keep his volume down. You were in a classroom after all. It was Friday, but anyone could be in the hallway. He wanted to make a smartass remark but the only thing he could get out of his mouth was another low growl. 

“Y-yeah, whatever you say, sweetheart.” 

You smirked at the desperation in his voice as you finished undoing his button and zipper. “Promise to be a good boy? Keep quiet for me? Make sure no one catches us?” you whispered against his neck, pulling out his cock. You felt his cock twitch in your hand from your words alone. Your thumb rubbed over the head, smoothing his precum over it. 

Logan was very used to dominating you, throwing you in the exact positions he envisioned. Watching you take control in your own classroom was a new thrill that he didn’t know he’d be so into.

You were clearly waiting for his response, only rubbing the tip of his cock with your thumb as you looked at him with bedroom eyes. “I promise I’ll be good, baby . I’ll be nice and quiet for you.”

You hummed, hearing what you wanted, before moving your own panties aside. You sank onto his cock at an antagonizing speed. Feeling filled to the brim, you groaned against Logan’s shoulder to follow your own advice.

Logan held in a deep moan. Determined to be good for you, he released his moan through a deep sigh. His hands were clinging onto your hips and his shoulders were tensed up from the effort to keep his noises inside as he looked up at you. 

Looking rather pleased with yourself as you warmed his cock for a beat, you slowly started to roll your hips against his. Logan’s eyes could only watch you in a mixture of lust and affection. You looked so absolutely beautiful on his lap. His grip on your hips tightened as you rocked against him. Feeling you clench around him, Logan could only respond with low, labored breaths.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re doing so fucking good. Just like that, Lo. Just like that.” Your hips began picking up their pace. You place your hands on his shoulders to balance yourself. With the desk reinforced to the floor, you could only hear the guttural whine leave Logan’s mouth, a sound you never heard from him before. 

Logan hated how much he loved hearing the words leaving your gorgeous lips. He looked like he was struggling to keep himself under control. He was clenching his teeth tightly and breathing heavily.

You felt a sense of pride as you receive reactions from your boyfriend that you’ve never gotten before. Seeing him desperate and bothered only encouraged you to push him even further. Staying continuously clenched around him as you rode him. Biting your lip, you kept your moans at bay. 

Logan was struggling, “F-fuuck…c’mon, sweetheart, m-making it so damn hard.”

“I know, Lo…just a little longer. I’m so fucking close, baby,” you whined, chasing your high. Keeping one arm wrapped around his neck, your other hand scrapped at his shirt, gathering the material with your nails.

Logan could feel himself getting close as you continued to clench around him. He knew his finish was going to be intense. Hell, your words alone had him breathing heavily and you were doing most of the work as you were practically bouncing on him now.

Logan’s lips moved down to your collarbone, nipping at the tight skin. You bit your lip to contain your own moans as Logan nipped on your skin. It was enough to bring you over the edge, “Oh f-fuck, Logan, Logan, Logan, I’m c-coming, baby.” Your voice was low and whiny as you continued rough movements.

Logan placed a hand on your back to pull you closer, your chest pressed against his.“S-shit, baby! Ah, fuc–” Logan's volume was quickly increasing as he reached his high; you were quick to clasped your hand over his mouth as you both reached your peak.

You continued to fuck Logan through his high until you felt the warm of his cum shoot inside you, beautifully coating your walls. Logan's throaty groan was smothered by your hand, his eyes practically rolling to the back of head as he came down from his climax. You both were seeing stars in your classroom.

Your hand dropped from Logan’s mouth; it was quickly replaced with your lips in a slow, lazy kiss. You felt Logan chuckle against your lips.

“Jesus, sweetheart,” He was still clearly out of breath.

You breathlessly sighed with soft pants, “I-I know…you did great, baby,” you cooed, caressing your bearded cheek in your hand. “I’m surprised we didn’t break the desk,” you teased.

“Hell, you almost broke me,” Logan gruffed as you moved off of him. You used some nearby tissue to clean yourself off.

You laughed as you and Logan both fixed your appearances, “Don’t pretend like you didn’t love my little lesson,” you slyly smiled.

“Like I said,” he muttered, pulling you against his chest when he stood up, “you look damn good when you teach.”

♡ note: i love hearing y'all's thoughts

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Do you have a list of words for "dark"? I feel like I rotate through the same five. Ty!

Thanks for the request, because I'm guilty of this as well!

Dark—devoid or partially devoid of light; not receiving, reflecting, transmitting, or radiating light

Adumbrate - overshadow, obscure

Aphotic - being the deep zone of an ocean or lake receiving too little light to permit photosynthesis

Atramentous - black as ink; inky

Becloud - to obscure with or as if with a cloud

Blackout - to become enveloped in darkness

Brumous - misty, foggy

Caliginous - misty, dark

Cavernous - dark and gloomy, as of a cavern

Chiaroscuro - the quality of being veiled or partly in shadow

Cimmerian - very dark or gloomy

Crepuscular - of, relating to, or resembling twilight; dim

Darkling - dark

Darksome - gloomily somber; dark

Dim - emitting or having a limited or insufficient amount of light

Dislimn - dim

Dull - cloudy; low in saturation and lightness

Dusky - somewhat dark in color; marked by slight or deficient light; shadowy

Ebony - black, dark

Fuliginous - sooty; obscure, murky; having a dark or dusky color

Gloaming - twilight, dusk

Gloomy - partially or totally dark

Inky - as dark as ink

Lightless - receiving no light; dark

Lowery - gloomy

Midnight - deep or extended darkness or gloom

Moonless - lacking the light of the moon

Murky - characterized by a heavy dimness or obscurity caused by or like that caused by overhanging fog or smoke

Obfuscate - to throw into shadow; darken

Obnubilate - becloud, obscure

Obscurant - tending to make obscure (i.e., dark, dim; shrouded in or hidden by darkness)

Overcast - darken, overshadow; clouded over

Pitch-black - extremely dark or black

Rayless - having, admitting, or emitting no rays, especially: dark

Riley - turbid

Sable - of the color black; dark, gloomy

Shadowy - being in or obscured by shadow; shady

Shroud - as in to obscure: to make dark, dim, or indistinct

Smoky - made dark or black by or as if by smoke

Somber - (or sombre) so shaded as to be dark and gloomy

Stygian - extremely dark, gloomy, or forbidding

Subfusc - (chiefly British) drab, dusky

Sunless - lacking sunshine; dark

Swarthy - of a dark color, complexion, or cast; swart

Tartarean - of, relating to, or resembling Tartarus; infernal

Tenebrous - shut off from the light; dark, murky

Turbid - heavy with smoke or mist

Umbrageous - spotted with shadows

Umbral - of little or no light

Unlit - not lighted, such as: not illuminated with light

Wane - to become less brilliant or powerful; dim

Hope this helps (I feel like this is one of the word lists I'll be referring back to a lot). Do tag me, or send me a link if it does. I'd love to read your work!

More: Word Lists

[ihavetoomuchhomeworkforthis]

I somehow seemed to have forgotten the most obvious and important factor of photosynthetic humanoids (Vulcans)

They would breathe out oxygen and in CO2! Because that's an important part of how photosynthesis works!

Trees don't have lungs, I think they exchange the gasses through stomata (tiny leaf pores), but photosynthetic Vulcans are humanoid, the need (and have) lungs for more CO2 intake.

However, this could help explain their super-strength. If they can breath passively through their skin/foliage IN ADDITIoN to breathing normally, they constantly recieve much more CO2 than they actually need in order to be functional. So their blood is hyperoxygenated. Sorry, hypercarbonated. Frickin' soda pop boys over here.

Probably not really. Maple syrup isn't fizzy.

Anyway, WHAT IF THIS MEANS THEY CAN BREATHE UNDERWATER.

Think about it, could their foliage absorb CO2 from water? At the very least, they'd probabl--

Wait shit Vulcan is a desert planet.

I was going to say they could probably at least hold their breath longer than a human, and that if an individual started developing near water, and there were water-adapted flowering plants there, the alien bees could probably transmit that to the flowering acorn baby embryos, and it would get translated to their leaves having a secondary gill-like function, which would be REALLY cool.

The other thing is: if they primarily breathe in CO2 (and out Oxygen, and really mostly nitrogen for both but I mean functionally), how would they fare on a human ship? I've previously established solutions to all their sunlight needs, but human ships are designed primarily for humans, and while they could adapt a Vulcan's individual quarters to the proper air composition, it'd be a bit harder to adapt for most other areas.

Trees seem to fare alright, but also they don't have to take in enough energy to sustain movement and complex thought processes and all that fun stuff.

Having enough Vulcans onboard would probably conserve a lot of energy on Life Support functions, because Life Support would be more equalized towards both species, and then the humans and Vulcans would have a symbiotic relationship cycling the air from one species to another, without as much need for computerized air filters and stuff. The Vulcans would effectively be a walking airponics bay.

It gets a bit more difficult if you've only got the one, because Life Support would have to be optimized to suit the needs of the many, namely: humans. Maybe the output of CO2 from the humans would be enough, but maybe not. Maybe that's why they do meditation with so many candles! (Not really.) Hold on, googling something.

"When a candle burns, the hydrogen and carbon from the wax combine with the oxygen in the air to become carbon dioxide and water vapor." ~NY Times

Okay, GREAT. And they get more water!!

Solution: crank up the spooky awesomeness vibes to the max by surrounding Spock's station with old-fashioned candles. It's a bit underwhelming since he also needs more sunlight, so it can't really be dark and spooky and just candle-lit. Being surrounded by bright artificial lights sort of ruins it.

But you BET when they go to red alert and everything has to go dark? His lamps are suddenly dim red lights, primarily infared (which isn't the best for photosynthesis? But still has many benefits?) And suddenly the dozens of candles surrounding him are giving off ALL the best spooky vibes.

Imagine them hailing whoever's attacking them, and the assailants open up the video signal only to see a very dim bridge... And ONE VULCAN, LIT UP RED AND SURROUNDED BY CREEPY CANDLES, LOOKING MENACING AS F-CK

[whimsi-clown]

Hi strangers! I 'm currently going on a Disney movie marathon for the 3rd part of my RIDV AU fic, so here are some incorrect quotes while you wait.

Tags: @demodemo909, @imtryingandtired, @missmannequin.

(Thank you guys so much for showing appreciation for the dumb Disney Villains AU I made on a whim, and I hope these even dumber incorrect quotes can entertain you while waiting on the next part!)

Warning: The usual, cursing, OOC, and itty bitty inappropriate jokes. Also, it's long, like, really long. I had too much fun with these quotes, and it shows.

Hey hey! Life in the Villain house! Oh yeah! Life in the Villain house! Reader! Life in the Villain house!~

(If you understood this reference, I am both sorry and not sorry at the same time)

——————————————————————————————

*Disney Villains suddenly appearing before you*

You : I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Our dear host is playing hard to get.

Gaston: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

——————————————————————————————

You : *Venting endlessly to Hades about your week*

Hades, every once in a while: *In a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

——————————————————————————————

You: Wake up! The sun is shining!

Cruela: What do you want me to do, photosynthesis?

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: I love you.

You: How many people have you said that to?

Gaston: Everyone.

You: What?

Gaston: I told everyone that I love you.

——————————————————————————————

You: Look guys, I need help.

Ursula: Love help?

Hades: Financial help?

Captain Hook: Emotional help?

Oogie Boogie: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Oogie Boogie*

Oogie Boogie: What?

——————————————————————————————

You, to Jafar: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

——————————————————————————————

You: Why do you keep a diary?!

Captain Hook: To keep secrets from your computer.

——————————————————————————————

You, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Maleficent: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Oogie Boogie: Personally, I think I was made in a lab.

Hades: I just straight up spawned, lol.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: *Slowly pushes a 17th-century cannon into a modern bank* Okay, everyone, be calm. This is a robbery.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

——————————————————————————————

You: All of your existences are confusing.

The villains: How so?

You: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you guys upsets me.

——————————————————————————————

You: As a responsible adult-

The villains: *snickers*

You: ... As a responsible adult—

——————————————————————————————

You: I don't like bugs. Oogie Boogie, are you even listening to me?

Oogie Boogie: I seem to have misplaced some of my bugs.

You, at Hades (aka your personal flame thrower): HAADDDEEEESSSSS!!!

——————————————————————————————

*Talking on the phone*

Hades: Remember how I said that the gang and I were gonna have a calm night out for once?

You: ... Yeah?

Hades: Well, we’re in jail.

You: *Hangs up*

——————————————————————————————

Hades: *Gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Hades: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me. Literally.

——————————————————————————————

You: Something tells me Oogie Boogie's going to be a bit more unhinged today...

*Meanwhile, in the villain house*

Oogie Boogie, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, the host isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

——————————————————————————————

You: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!

You: GASTON IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!

You: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

——————————————————————————————

A complete stranger, looking at the disney villains who are experiencing and interacting with the outside world for the first time: Those guys look like a problem...

You: Yes, but they’re my problem.

——————————————————————————————

You, looking at the villains: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook, drowning in crocodile infested waters: Help me host!

You: Don't worry, I heard cowards float.

——————————————————————————————

Grimhilde: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

You: It was autocorrect.

Grimhilde: Autocorrect wrote, "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

You: Yes.

——————————————————————————————

You, talking to the villains: As you know, I keep a list of all of you in order of how likely they are to betray me.

Oogie Boogie: Where am I on the list?

You: Well, I can’t tell you that because then you’ll quickly move up or down depending on your reaction.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Grimhilde is walking in this room.

You: *Wheezes*

——————————————————————————————

You: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

You: *Aggressively throws water bottles*

Hades: Uh... What's up with them?

Jafar: They're trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

You, aggressively shouting: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Captain Hook, crying: It's working.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.

You: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor, and it ain't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Dr. Facilier, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win, you should have tried not being poor.

——————————————————————————————

Scar: I prevented a murder today.

You: Really? That’s amazing! How did you do that?

Scar: Self-control.

——————————————————————————————

You: Holy shit, Hades, do you know what this means?!

Hades: Babes, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston, throwing their head into you lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

You, unphased and stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Why don’t they find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Hades: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Gaston: *Bites lip*

Hades: ... Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

——————————————————————————————

You: *Fills up bottle and drinks from that*

Jafar: *Brought 4 bottles of water so this wouldn’t happen*

Shan Yu: *Drinks straight from the tap*

Hades: *Dehydrates*

Scar: *Drinks from the puddle of water on the floor*

Oogie Boogie: *Licks the tap, doesn’t even need a drink*

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: *Looks over your shoulder and at your laptop* What the fuck?

You: *Slams screen shut* It’s just research! For something I’m writing about! I swear that’s it!

Dr. Facilier: Why the hell would that involve the breeding habits of frogs?

You: It’s not just “frogs”, it’s the Surinam Toad. And it’s not “breeding habits”, it’s how they raise their young. This is important information my audience needs to know!

Dr. Facilier: That doesn’t change the fact this is for one line in a fanfiction.

You, offendedly: You don’t know that!

Dr. Facilier: I don't hear no denial.

——————————————————————————————

You: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole house smell like bacon.

Grimhilde: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic.

You: Hades and the smoke detector need to get off my case.

——————————————————————————————

Hades, grinning: Before you were what?

Maleficent: Before I was-

Hades: What?

Maleficent: Before I was inter-

Hades: Before you were interrupted?

Maleficent: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-

Hades: What?

Maleficent: *Makes a frustrated sound*

You, nervously laughing: Ahahaha, please stop that before she turns into a dragon and burns my house down.

——————————————————————————————

*The normal looking villains walking at the mall*

Dr. Facilier: Hey, have any of y'all seen our host? They’ve been gone for a while..

Grimhilde, not the least bit concerned: No, we have not.

Shan Yu : I haven’t...

Cruela: They probably just ran off to the McDonald’s or something.

You: Hey.

Captain Hook: Oh, there they are-

Gaston: What the-

Jafar: I- where were you?!

You: ... Walking right behind you guys.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Well, remember when our host made a romantic dinner for me?

Hades: Gaston, they microwaved you a pizza.

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: Someone will die...

You: Of fun!

——————————————————————————————

You: Could you be anymore annoying?

Oogie Boogie: Yes.

——————————————————————————————

You: Oogie Boogie, you can do anything!

Oogie Boogie: Anything?

You: Anything!

Oogie Boogie, holding a torch: ANYTHING?!?!

You: Wait, not that!

——————————————————————————————

Gaston, playing a video game for the first: This thing is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

You: Ok, I think it’s time to turn off the game for a little while.

Gaston: But I’m having fun!

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: *Gasp*

You: wHAT??

Gaston: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?

You: *Inhales*

Cruela, in another room with Ursula: Why can I hear screeching?

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.

You: Please never become a surgeon.

——————————————————————————————

You: I was arrested for being too cool.

Jafar: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Damn, the power went out.

You: Don’t worry, I got this.

You: *Stomps foot*

Dr. Facilier: What-?

You: *Sketchers light up*

——————————————————————————————

You: What do you have?

Oogie Boogie: A KNIFE!

You: NO!

——————————————————————————————

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends.

You: Which one? I have twelve.

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.

You: Which one? I have twelve.

Gaston, distantly: HEY!!!

——————————————————————————————

Scar: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.

You: Forty five seconds?!?

Scar: No! I said four TO five seconds.

You, hugging Scar: Too late.

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: I have an army.

You: We have Oogie Boogie.

——————————————————————————————

*The villains playing Among Us*

Jafar: I believe Shan Yu is innocent, I was with him the whole time. Oogie Boogie, what were you doing?

Oogie Boogie: Oh, I was just murdering-… I mean, nothing!

——————————————————————————————

Grimhilde: When we get back, I'm going to step on you!

You: Okay, as much as I might enjoy that, Your highness–

——————————————————————————————

Jafar: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Hades?

Hades: Gaston, easily.

Gaston, confused: What, why??

Hades: Well, cuz I hate you, and the host would be too easy. They’d probably be into it.

You, standing in the doorway with the most bewildered expression: What the fuck man!?

——————————————————————————————

You: I think it’s time I get my life in order.

Dr. Facilier, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

——————————————————————————————

*Scar hears about you bringing home a stray cat.*

Scar, sarcastically: I can't believe there's another cat somewhere in this house. Amazing feeling. Love that. And it's here, in this house! Somewhere! And I may encounter it! What a treat...

——————————————————————————————

*The female villains after watching The Wizard of Oz*

Grimhilde: Where the devil is Maleficent?

Ursula: Well, it's raining outside... Maybe they melted?

Cruela: Shall I look outside for a pointy set of horns?

——————————————————————————————

Hades: Any idiot would know that.

Gaston: I knew that!

Hades: See?

——————————————————————————————

Scar: I'm not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I'm not passionate about.

You: What are you passionate about?

Scar: Sleeping.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.

Grimhilde: Thank you for your sacrifice, Gaston.

——————————————————————————————

You: If I see a bug, I'll simply leave the room elegantly and have Hades to do something about it.

You: And if he doesn't fulfill my wish, I simply never go back in there.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

——————————————————————————————

You: I haven't seen Gaston and Hades for fifteen minutes now.

*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Gaston and Hades running after it in a panic. You don't look outside at all.*

You: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

——————————————————————————————

You: Go to hell!

Hades: Where do you think I come from?

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

You: It’s called arson, and those people are called witnesses.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: What are y’all’s favorite things to wake up to?

Grimhilde: Breakfast in bed.

You: Emails from AO3!

Shan Yu: My favorite thing to wake up to is not waking up at all.

Shan Yu: The screams of my enemies are a close second, though.

——————————————————————————————

You: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment... At all?

Gaston: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: Treat bugs the way you want to be treated!

You: Killed without hesitation.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook, recently learned modern swears: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

You: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Captain Hook: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

You: Somehow, that's worse.

——————————————————————————————

Maleficent: We all have our demons...

You, grabbing Oogie Boogie: This one’s mine!

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

You: Those are wanted posters!

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: So, what's for dinner?

You, staring at the food you burnt: Regret.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: So, I've been thinking-

You: Again?? That's dangerous.

——————————————————————————————

Hades: Why would you do that?

You: Because I feel guilty.

Maleficent: Guilt is a trick emotion. It’s put there by your parents to stop you from doing things that feel good.

——————————————————————————————

You: *Eating a cinnamon roll*

Oogie Boogie: Cannibalism.

You: *Confused chewing noises*

——————————————————————————————

*At the supermarket*

Captain Hook: All right, the last item on the list is "virgin oil."

Captain Hook:

Captain Hook: Wow. Imagine being an item and still being called a virgin.

——————————————————————————————

You: What’s your body count?

Captain Hook: Do you mean sex or murder?

——————————————————————————————

You: *Is wearing silk pants* How does this look?

Cruela: Like its slips on and off really easily.

You:

Cruela: No, I didn't mean it like that-

Ursula: We know what you meant.

——————————————————————————————

You: Bonjour, Dr. Facilier. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?

Dr. Facilier: No, I don't want to sleep with you.

You: ... Is that what that means??

——————————————————————————————

You: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts!

Gaston, snickering: Yeah, eat what you lack,

You, deadpanning at Gaston: Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.

——————————————————————————————

Jafar: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.

Hades: Wow, I've gotta hear this.

Jafar: I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.

Hades: You forgot pride.

Jafar: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

——————————————————————————————

Maleficent: Our dear host annoyed me today, so I told them that I can’t wait for them to see what I had planned for our special day tomorrow.

Scar: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

Maleficent: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.

——————————————————————————————

You: You’re all insane!

The villains: Sure we are, what’s your point?

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: I want you to be with me for the rest of your life.

You: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal... A really one-sided one.

Gaston, getting down on one knee: That's because it is.

——————————————————————————————

You, admiring and petting a sleeping Scar: You’re so cute.

Scar, sleepily: I could tear you limb from limb with my bare fangs.

You, lovingly: I know.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: *Writing a letter*

Oogie Boogie: Dear Sandy Claws,

I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...

And it was worth it, you fat, judgemental bastard.

——————————————————————————————

You, dealing with the villains: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

——————————————————————————————

*You are cleaning the house, and you find an empty bottle of orange juice*

You: Clear orange juice?

You: Oh, it's empty.

Most of the villains, who had been watching the entire time: We live with an idiot. We live with an idiot. We live with an idiot.

——————————————————————————————

Scar: Our relationship is strictly professional.

You, brushing Scar's mane as he lays his head on your lap: Absolutely. Only business.

——————————————————————————————

All the female villains: We're not like other girls. We're way, way worse.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: There. How do I look?

Dr. Facilier: Like a cheap French harlot.

Captain Hook: French?!

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu, towering over you and glaring down at you: I could kill you if I wanted to little host.

You absolutely done with his bs: Oh yeah? Well, guess what. So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

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Hades: Some people say that I have a god complex. I’d like to think that I’m a complex god.

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You: Captain, you're drunk.

Captain Hook: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, my dear host.

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Jafar: There’s always that one weak individual within the group who isn’t down with murder.

Jafar: *Glares at you*

You: ... Well sorry I have morals!

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Shan Yu, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-

Dr. Facilier, whispering: Should we call someone?

You, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Captain Hook, appalled: Call Maleficent.

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Oogie Boogie: Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost!

You: That’s called murder and I heard somewhere that it's illegal.

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You: You remind me of the ocean.

Ursula: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

You: No, because you're full of salt, and you scare people.

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Oogie Boogie: Something’s off.

You: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.

Oogie Boogie: No, but that’s funny.

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You: What do you call disobeying the law?

The villains: A hobby.

You: *Crosses their arms*

The villains: ... That we do not engage in.

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You: Stop thinking whatever you're thinking.

Gaston: Huh?

You: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid. So cut it out-

Gaston: I love you.

You:

Gaston:

Gaston: Also, cereal qualifies as a soup.

You: I KNEW IT!!!

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You, extremely touched: Aw, you guys really put aside everything and came all this way for me?

You:

You, confused: How did you even get here so fast??

Cruela: Several traffic violations.

Jafar: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Gaston: Roughly thirteen cans of those energy drinks you like so much.

Dr. Facilier: Also, this aint our car.

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If you made it to this part, then congratulations! You made it through all 101 incorrect quotes! (I know, I counted them myself)

I hope you enjoyed them!

And for those of you who read through all of this and have no idea what you just read, here's Part 1 of the Reverse Isekai Disney Villains AU for context.

Thanks for reading!