#phil needed to be in the photo as well

[antigerrymanderingspiderman]

book recommendations?????

i mainly just when to my bookshelf and picked some of my favorites, things i don’t think you’ve read, most i don’t think you’d heard of, and the ones that weren’t just my favorite in middle/elementary school.

some kind of happiness: (i haven’t read this in 2 years so bare with me) this is the book i’d recommend most to you. the main character is an eleven year old girl who goes to stay with her grandparents because her parents are divorcing. it deals with mental illness in a fantasy way. there’s a darkness creeping in but instead of it being depression it’s an evil mystical creature

emily of new moon: i don’t know if lucy maud montgomery will be your thing, but i love her books, and if you do enjoy them i think you’d like emily best. it’s kind weird, but i think you’d like these characters best

the ballad of songbirds and snakes: i know you said you’d read the original series (which you should reread, do it kye) but you’ve gotta read the prequel. its darker and it’s good

the last cuentista: i read this a couple months ago and it’s just generally a really good dystopia. its set in 2061, people are fleeing the planet because of a solar flare heading towards earth, and petra and her family are escaping to a new planet, but things go wrong on the ship there

the princess and the grilled cheese sandwich: this is a graphic novel that was gifted to me and i read it a couple days ago. it was really fun. this countess is a lesbian, but she’d have to marry a man to inherit her father’s money, so she dresses up and pretends to be a man instead and then accidentally falls in love with a princess

[rickallensbarefeet]

[simplydnp]

Between dnp who is the lazy gay and who is the activity gay?

great question anon. i will second this post from @yonpote in that dan would love to do nothing but doesnt do anything half-way so if they're doing it they're doing it and phil would have eyes bigger than his stomach and would want to quit partway through

however i think they flip-flop too, because dan absolutely wants the Perfect Pictures and phil would be like can we sleep

and maybe i'm projecting but both of them seem to enjoy maximizing a holiday so i guarantee they do what i call 'theme park hard' wherein if they're going then it is rope drop to fireworks, always going to a ride or waiting in line for one, do as many rides as possible, what do you mean you have to pee no you don't. but they'd absolutely complain about it the whole time and after but feel very accomplished.

[dnptheinfinity]

being sick actually gives me an advantage rn because i don't have the energy to do anything, and that includes clicking extra buttons to see tit spoilers

[pseudophan]

PHANNIE COOKBOOK SIGN-UPS!!

Do you have a really good recipe you think Dan and Phil would enjoy? Consider submitting it to this collaborative phannie cookbook that will be given to DnP at a meet & greet! It will also be available to everyone to download as a PDF.

Family recipes or your favourite dish from your country/culture is a bonus, but it doesn’t have to be that personal. All I ask is that you don’t go rip something random off the Internet right now just to be in the book, I want food you genuinely enjoy!

I’ve decided the most efficient way of doing this is to let you submit up to 3 different options, that way if there are any repeats (and I’m certain there will be) I won’t have to message everyone it concerns to ask if you have any alternatives. Besides, that way I can choose which version gets in based on your other options rather than which one “sounds better” to me, cause I think that would be a little unfair. I also have no idea how many people will actually participate in this yet, which is currently the biggest hurdle in terms of planning. If only a few sign up there is a chance we’ll end up using multiple recipes by some, and if somehow we get too many I’ll have to pick and choose. I do really want to include as many people as possible, but until I actually see the recipes it’s hard to tell what will end up happening.

The main focus of this will be actual food, but we obviously need to include a few desserts, so feel free to submit those as well just be aware the chances of those getting picked might be lower. The same goes for soups, I assume a lot of people have soup recipes and we might include a couple, but for obvious reasons it's a low priority.

Some key things to keep in mind:

Phil is a bit picky and has some dietary restrictions! He shouldn’t have dairy or chocolate and he doesn’t like cheese or mushrooms, among other things. That doesn’t mean you have to avoid these things entirely, but maybe your grandma’s mac and cheese recipe isn’t the best choice

While neither of them is vegan they do eat a lot of vegan food, so we definitely need some vegan dishes. I also think it would be really great if you suggested vegetarian and/or vegan substitutions you know work well with your recipe! That isn’t a must for every dish, but it’s a nice addition where possible

Tragically, Dan and Phil are British, meaning they won’t necessarily have access to all the same ingredients as you. Luckily they are also rich and live in a major city with a lot of options so they aren’t limited to what they can find at their local Tesco, but since the aim of this book is to encourage them to cook we probably shouldn’t be sending them on a scavenger hunt either. I don’t think this will be a huge issue, but if your recipe calls for something you think might be very niche or local to you it might be worth googling it or asking around

The final book will be using UK measurements, but if your recipe doesn’t then don’t even worry about it for now. We’ll get to that later. You also don’t have to worry about typing out the whole step-by-step in detail in the sign-up form, I just need a list of the ingredients and roughly how to prepare it to gauge whether it’s a good fit.

I promise I’m almost done yapping but lastly, about some of the questions on the form - you don’t need to know exactly how long the dish takes to prepare, that will depend on the person or people making it anyway, but we do need a rough estimate. The difficulty level is obviously quite subjective, but I just want to hear how you personally would rank it, and if there is a specific part of the process you think someone who doesn’t cook a lot might struggle with. As for the last question about photos, I’m asking both if you have the time and opportunity to make the food and if you are able to take a good photo of it. Obviously it doesn’t have to be anything professional, a phone camera is fine, it just needs to be well lit and decent quality.

Okay, I think that’s everything-

Here's the sign-up form

The deadline is in a week, at midnight Thursday to Friday CET :)

(I also made a blog for this @phookbook for information and updates! A lot of it will probably still be on this blog, but I'll try to post/reblog the most important things on there for those who want to keep up with everything but who may not want to deal with all the chaos of pseudophan)

[ramons-elevator]

*SLAMS HANDS ON DESK*

FUCKING PHILS POV

Everything about his POV was bone chilling holy shit. Also fucking shoutout to the admins for picking Chayanne and Tallulah bc that was a really smart move.

For some context for those who arent Philza watchers:

Tallulah and Chayanne obey Phil. Yes they can be divas sometimes and be dumb and silly, but they arent like their siblings like Dapper and Richas who will just be dramatic and do dumb and dangerous stuff when their parents dont feel 100% okay with it. They will throw a fit but still be respectful of Phil’s word.

Phil said multiple times to them, especially Tallulah, to not go to the dinner no matter what. That as soon as it hits 2pm PST, they get tucked into bed and they can wake up after if they want. Chay and Lullah both agreed bc they both fear dying. Tallulah wants to see her dad and Chayanne knows how hard his dad works to make sure they are safe.

Let me fucking tell you how creepy it was seeing Tallulah walk into the dinner.

Phil immediately questioned her and was like “what the fuck you doing? We both agreed you would stay in bed.” and when ‘Tallulah’ just stared at him and shook her maracas, you could feel the air still.

Personally, it felt like a bucket of ice water got dumped on me. Phil literally froze. Because thats not fucking Tallulah. Tallulah is calculated, gentle, and slow moving. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner was shaking her maracas without a care in the world, running around. Also Tallulah will talk to Phil and they check in on each other. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner didnt put down a sign once.

Then as Phil was realizing that Tallulah wasn’t Tallulah, then ‘Chayanne’ comes in. At this point Phil realized that both ‘Tallulah’ and ‘Chayanne’ dont have cracks. Phil straight up looks at ‘Chayanne’ and says “You are fake, you arent my son.” Also same thing with Tallulah, Chayanne and Phil check in with each other. They are a well oiled machine. Phil knows Chayanne like the back of his hand and vise versa.

To be fair, Chayanne isnt an egg of many words. He likes action and just nods/shakes of his head when talking. If need be he will place a sign down, but he doesnt talk as much as Tallulah. So it isnt hard to impersonate him.

But the second, ‘Chayanne’ started punching Phil was again bone chilling. Chayanne rarely hits Phil, maybe once or twice from the top of my head. Again, Chay and Lulah are very respectful of Phil. If they need his attention, they do other ways. They dont hit.

And thats when Phil let Fit know that something was wrong. Those werent his kids. That they are fakes. Around that time, Phil runs home and sees that his actual kids are sleeping. He takes a photo, runs back, and fucking shows ‘Chayanne’. Phil lets the fakes know that he knows and he doesnt give a shit.

At some point, Phil and Fit talk again and ‘Chayanne’ runs up and tries to take the photo from Phil. Phil basically said fuck off and went back to his seat.

The part I find so fucking eerie was that Fit and ‘Chayanne’ had a lil talk. ‘Chayanne’ put down a sign that said something along the lines of “My dad doesnt love me anymore”.

That sign literally made me start to freak out because thats the fucking last thing the real Chayanne thinks. The real Chayanne knows that his dad loves him to death. That Phil would burn this server to the ground if anything bad happened to Chayanne. Chayanne knows that Phil does everything in his power to keep his son alive. He knows how much Phil worries about him and Tallulah (both the characters and the admins).

Going back to what I said at the start, the admins were so fucking smart for picking Chayanne and Tallulah to be the ‘Code eggs’.

People outside of Phil, Fit, Bad, and maybe Forever/Cellbit dont really spend time with Chayanne and Tallulah. Yes, other people do care after them and know them, but they really dont know their mannerisms and quirks. They dont know that Tallulah only shakes her Maracas when she is very excited or have something to say. They dont know that, while Chayanne can be hyper, he usually is very obedient and stays close to Tallulah when he can.

So putting them in a party where the attention isnt on them 100% time is so smart. They can run around and people dont think about it. They just see two eggs running around and having fun. They dont know how wrong it is to see them like that.

Then when the ‘Code eggs’ made themselves known, Phil got kicked. Again very smart from the admins because no one wanted to kill ‘Chayanne’ and ‘Tallulah’ even though they were obviously Codes. Even Fit, who Phil told over and over again that those arent his kids, hit the Codes once or twice but stopped because he didnt wanna take that risk. No one wanted to take the chance of hurting an egg. It gave the ‘Code eggs’ time to kill Charlie and try to kill others.

But the second Phil joins back, he is screaming that those arent his kids and to kill them. That they were impostors. Even then, they let Phil kill the Code eggs.

Then when Code Tallulah died, everyone stepped back and let Phil 1v1 Code Chayanne.

Im so impressed with the admins and the people who played the fake Chayanne and Tallulah. They did such a good job of putting a spear of ice through my heart. 100/10 Bravo

[nonotnolan]

Trial Period

"Harry, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Blake's voice rang out through the apartment, though I couldn't quite tell why my roommate was currently mad at me. Still, if I didn't talk him down from whatever ledge he was on, he was just going to get more and more pissy. I sighed, and minimized the spreadsheet I was working on.

"Blake, you know I'm working from home today. Whatever you're mad about, you can come in here and talk to me about it. I'm sorry I left some dirty dishes in the sink, or whatever." He must have been mad, whatever I had done-- usually he waited until after he showered to talk to me.

He stomped into the living room so that he could stare down at me. "Oh no. You are in way more trouble than that. I just had the most interesting conversation at the gym today. Some beanpole fairy came up started flirting with me, and when I told him I didn't swing that way, guess what he did?" He paused, clearly waiting for me to confess to something, but I still had no idea why he was upset. "He pulled out his phone, and showed me a whole-ass conversation on Grindr with someone using my photos!"

I couldn't help but laugh, which certainly did not help him calm down. "Okay, and? Look, I'm sorry you got catfished, but I don't know why you're mad at me about it. You're trying to start a modeling career, right? It's one of the unfortunate risks of the job. I'm sorry that one of your Instagram followers has no sense of chill, but I don't see why that makes it my fault."

He shoved his phone into my face. "You see this photo? I downloaded it for a scheduled post, but it's from a gig that hasn't released yet. I'm not allowed to share any of those photos on social media until the magazine spread drops. You're the only other person who could have gotten onto my phone and grabbed it."

Well, that was a complication that I wasn't expecting. I stared at him, trying and failing to think of a loophole that sounded plausible. There was only one thing left to do. "Seth, I know you're in here," I said, loudly projecting my voice. "I know you wanted to try out a few different guys before you committed, but that's not gonna work anymore. The trial period is officially over. You broke it, you bought it. If you don't take Blake, he's going to ruin everything."

Blake scowled at me. "Who the fuck is Seth? Harry, what in the fuck is going on?"

"You're so cute when you're confused," I said, pinching his cheek. He was already pissed at me, I may as well go all out. Besides, I needed to give Seth enough time to prepare. "I'm not actually Harry. I haven't been for the last two weeks, not that you noticed. I'm actually a ghost who decided that this apartment would be a great place to find some new bodies to inhabit. And let's be honest, this whole complex is jam packed with hot, young studs like yourself." I couldn't help but flash an excited grin, and I think I might have let my real eyes flash for a few seconds. Well, whatever. I no longer needed to worry about keeping secrets from Blake.

I had clearly spooked him-- he started creeping backwards toward the door. "Harry, you're scaring me. That's not funny. Don't joke about that sort of thing, Harry. Just… fuck, delete that profile and promise me you won't do it again."

"Like I said, I'm not Harry," I said, grabbing my laptop bag and putting it in arm's length. I pulled out the mason jar that had Harry's soul in it, and placed it on the couch. "This is Harry. Or, what's left of him, anyway." Harry's soul fluttered around in a panic, banging into the glass walls as it tried to escape. Or maybe it was trying to warn Blake about what was about to happen next? It didn't really matter.

Blake had turned to run, but he didn't make it more than a few steps into the kitchen before he fell to the ground, as if something had slammed into his back. Seth hated possessing people using brute force, but his error hadn't left us with many other options. "Sorry for the close call, Phil," he said, adjusting his posture. Where Blake was constantly puffing his chest and arching his back, Seth had more of a forward slouch to his shoulders. It was a posture I was very familiar with-- regardless of the bodies we wore, we had been together long enough to recognize each other's presence.

"At least Blake has a good body," Seth said as he pulled himself up off the ground. "I was probably going to end up choosing this one anyway, to be honest." He started feeling up his chest, giving his nipples a few test pinches and letting out a soft moan. "Oh yeah, he's just as sensitive as I remembered. Do you have any spare jars in your bag? Obviously I didn't have time to put him to sleep before I possessed him, and he's just screaming non-stop in my head right now."

"Sounds like that's what you get for being careless," I said. "You know that helping you expel the soul is my favorite part. I'm not letting you rub one out in the bathroom, we're doing this the right way."

Seth pinched the bridge of his nose. "Come on, babe. You're at work for another five hours. I already said I was sorry, please don't force me to put up with the flesh owner for that long."

I closed my laptop and started unbuttoning my shirt. "Who said anything about waiting for me to get off work? No one tracks my activity as long as I get my work done on time." I leaned back and started groping Seth's hefty bulge. "Besides, we both know that Harry is trapped in a shit job. I bet we can get him something that pays way better."

He leaned over to give me a deep kiss. "You know, one of these days you'll get tired of turning your new hosts into porn stars," he said, as I grabbed one of the empty soul jars.

"Maybe so," I admitted. "But that day is not today. This body is wasted on white collar work. Anyway, you know the drill. Time for lube-- I want you to ride my cock while I sit here." He placed the jar underneath his hardening cock, ready to catch his load.

The first time we fucked in new bodies was always my favorite. Seth came first, coating the inside of the jar with a layer of jizz in addition to Blake's soul. I wasn't too far behind, since Harry's body was new to gay sex and still quite sensitive. I rolled off to the side and basked in the afterglow while Seth sealed the jar and placed it next to Harry's soul.

"Part of me still wants to be mad at you for almost ruining everything with that 'trial period' idea of yours," I said, as he laid down next to me to cuddle. "Next time we need to pick new hosts, we're picking one and done again. None of this trying out multiple bodies rubbish, it's too much risk."

Seth just smiled and ran his fingers through my hair. "Fine, no more shopping around, I promise. But you know you can't stay mad at me." As we laid there, holding each other tight, I had to admit that he was right.

[royalarchivist]

Pac: I said, "Hey, let's do something fun, you know? Let's kidnap the [Federation] baker!" And we are kind of like, locked up, and [Richarlyson's] even sadder now, right? Phil: I can put my hand through the bars. Pac: [Laughs] Can I ho– Please save us! Phil: Do you miss human touch, Pac? Pac: Yeah, I miss human touch. Phil: I'm here for you. [...] We can smuggle things into jail. [To Richarlyson] It's okay, mate. Pac: Can you smuggle me a cellphone?* I know information is power here.

Phil visits Pac and Richarlyson in jail.

* Pac's quote here is a direct reference to Fuga Impossivel, where Cell (Cellbit) had a cellphone he used to threaten people with his "contacts from the outside." (In reality, the phone had no signal, but that's how he earned his name "Cell")

[Full Transcript ↓ ]

—

Pac: Richarlyson feeling a little bit sad 'because 'cus he's locked up, you know? That's why he's using a different kind of hat.

Phil: Oh, Jesus Christ. Wait– why's Richarlyson's [happiness] bar gone down?

Pac:Yeah, 'because 'cus he's unhappy, 'cus, well, we kind of like, got locked up, and it's his birthday today, and he's feeling a little bit sad about like, growing up, you know?

Phil: Is that why he's got a different cow head on?

Pac: Yeah, yeah, and to try to help him, I said, "Hey, let's do something fun, you know? Let's kidnap the baker!" And we are kind of like, locked up, and he's even sadder now, right? [Richarlyson shakes his head] Yeah, but look – jail is fun!

Phil: I can put my hand through the bars.

Pac: [Laughs] Can I ho– Please save us!

Phil: Do you miss human touch, Pac?

Pac: Yeah, I miss human touch.

Phil: I'm here for you. [Cracks up]

Pac: I miss human touch. Oh my god, a hand! Richas, you want to touch a hand? Touch uncle Phil hand. [Laughs]

Phil: Yeah, right here.

Pac: Touch it, Richas! Connect with every–

Phil: I can get you out, I can get you out, I don't know if I'll get punished though, but we'll see. [Laughs]

Pac: I don't think you're going to get punished. [He looks at Richarlyson] Right? [Richarlyson shakes his head, holding a camera] There's nothing wrong about setting two persons out of the jail.

Phil: Yeah, I feel like you've learned your lesson, right?

Pac: Yeah, I won't try to kidnap the baker.

Phil: Oh, Richarlyson wants you to take a photo of, like, hands touching, I think.

Pac: Oh. Ok, let me...

[They stand there, holding hands in silence until Richarlyson takes a photo, then they burst into laughter.]

Pac: Well, Richas, you wanna do the same? I can take a picture of you! I just need a paper. [Pac checks his inventory] ...I don't have any papers, if you have one?

Phil: [Still cracking up as he holds hands with Richarlyson]

Pac: I need the paper, Richarlyson!

Phil: I have paper, there you go.

Pac: Oh, thank you.

Phil: We can smuggle things into jail. [To Richarlyson] It's okay, mate.

Pac: Look! [Laughs and throws Phil the photo] Can you smuggle me a cellphone?* I know information is power here.

Phil: I can – hold on, let me see, let me see...

Pac: Maybe like a cellphone? Or maybe a gaming setup so me and Richarlyson could put some gaming in here, you know, so we can play games?

Phil: I can – I could just break you out. [Laughs] But it's up to you – do you want to be out?

Pac: Yeah, if – Richas, you want to get out of this prison? I know it's bigger and better than our house. Look at the size of this, Phil! You wanna, like–

[Richarlyson breaks the jail bars and lets himself out, then replaces the bars to keep Pac inside]

Phil: [Dying]

Pac: ALL ALONG? Wait – we have been in here for the past 15 minutes, Richas! Oh my god. Ok, ok, I'm done, I'm done. I'm just gonna stay here. I'm just gonna stay here. [Pac walks to a corner of the cell and sits down facing the wall]

Phil: [Still wheeze-laughing] Dude...

Pac: I'm just gonna stay here.

Phil: I can't– [wheezes] I can't break these blocks, he's locked us in!

Pac: RICHARLYSON–

[sluttycinderella]

Razorgate: an empirical, peer reviewed study*

*there is nothing genuinely scientific about this, it is merely a result of mental illness and unemployment.

So we all saw this right?

But after this bomb was dropped I began to get curious about the other slittenings. Did they use the same razor for all of them and no one had noticed? Do they actually own more than one razor? And if they don't, if this is truly the only phrazor, then I don't think I have to tell you that raises a lot of questions.

Firstly, I went back to where this all began, Phil's Birthday stream, to identify the razor that carved the very first slit and forever cemented itself as a part of herstory:

Now that is very clearly the Manscaped logo, no question about it. Here’s a high quality photo of the logo for comparison:

(You can also clearly see in the Twitter post that it says "Manscaped" across it but I like to double check my work and I also wanted to prove that they were both Manscaped)

And it's a good thing I did double check because OP made a CRITICAL ERROR in their post! They claim that the razor in question is the Lawn Mower 4.0 when in fact it's the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra! Unlike the PUNY, PATHETIC, UNMANLY 4.0, the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra comes with an interchangeable foil blade, a USB port, and a more advanced spotlight!

How could OP be so careless? Dan and Phil would never own an outdated razor! They require only the finest in ball shaving technology!

Also fun fact: The first appearance of the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra on the Manscaped YouTube channel falls right in between the dapg return announcement and their first video back so make of that what you will...I for one shall be sculpting my own hill out of the very earth itself, "Manscaped Sponsorship Hill", I encourage you all to join me.

So after spending far too long researching the intricacies of razors that shave an organ I don't even have, I now needed to check if it was the same razor being used in every slittening:

Here they are side by side for comparison, left is Phil’s birthday, middle is the We're All Doomed post-premiere, right is Dan’s birthday. Now it appears the WAD one is missing the logo but I'm going to go ahead and chalk that up to the poor quality of the clip I found (if anyone has a better version PLEASE hit me up so I can confirm my hypothesis). And considering the photo taken in the aftermath seems to show Phil holding the 5.0 Ultra:

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's the same thing.

“But,” I hear you shouting, “so what if Dan and Phil used the same razor for all the streams? They already said they only owned one razor so who cares?” Well this isn’t so much about proving that they’re the same razor as it is establishing a baseline. It’s hard to trust basically anything Dan and Phil say lately, what with piggate and the “pillow” bar and the fake view from the Phouse, knowing that they aren’t lying about only having one razor (to the best of our knowledge) is crucial in figuring out what exactly is going on. Remember, we’re doing science here.

And with that in mind: In my professional opinion, I can say that for all three slittenings, the Manscaped Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra was the weapon of choice.

Sidenote: I went down a bit of a rabbit hole of Manscaped reviews during all of this and apparently Manscaped razors are kind of just a scam. This razor is $109 and they try to trick their customers into subscribing to their "Peak Hygiene Plan" which you don't actually need by offering a deceptive discount and hiding the terms where people aren't likely to see them. So yeah, fuck Manscaped and I for one think we should cancel Dan and Phil for not ethically consuming under capitalism.

But that's beside the point, we know that they indeed only have one razor and that that razor...is for balls. What does that tell us?

Conclusions

There are a multitude of conclusions one could jump to in the light of such a revelation, I shall display them in a convenient numbered list for your viewing pleasure:

One of them prefers to use straight (lol) razors to shave their...you know...I don't actually know if this is a thing people do or if it's even possible, people with balls please sound off in the comments, thank you

Only one of them actually shaves in which case I support them as an infamous pussy hair enthusiast (iykyk)

They share a razor (Please, God, no, that's actually disgusting)

Either way, this thing was on someone's balls and then it touched both their faces so I really hope they cleaned it properly!

Alright, so that whole exploration may have been a bit useless, it indeed only confirmed what we had already been told, but I spent literal hours comparing photos of ball hair trimmers and I'm not one to admit defeat. Consider yourselves peer reviewed, Dan and Phil, and maybe check out Beardscape instead! Apparently they have better, more comprehensive razors for the same price.

If anyone even more demon than me has any corroborating evidence (maybe of them using straight razors at any point or anything else razor related that they've said in the past) please let me know so I can take it into consideration! Thank you all for your time.

[modelbus]

can i request a reader (with sbi and also separate) who’s rich rich like she was born with a gold spoon and whenever she gives them gifts or treats them food they feel bad BAHAHAHA but it's just readers love language

can this be a drabble or whatever you can do :DD

I got your other message saying you wanted headcannons, so here you go! No wilbur for obvious reasons.

Included: Cc!Tommy, Cc!Phil, Cc!Techno, + all of them (platonic)

Rich Reader Headcannons

Tommy

Unapologetic about using your money.

He cares at first, and even when you say you’re paying he’ll order cheap things from restaurants, but after you give him the go ahead he will be a menace

Expect to lose all your money to Legos, his one true addiction.

“I could stream building this one, but this one would look so good in my room…” Tommy mumbles, squinting at two Lego boxes. You’re starting to regret letting him talk you into stopping by the store for what he said would be a quick visit.

It’s been two hours.

“Just get them both, Tom.” You finally sigh.

He lights up, no better than a kid on Christmas Day. “Fuck yeah!”

He’s money conscious, and will still note the price of things, but after he gets used to it he’s fine with you paying.

Doesnt blink twice at gifts.

You get this man anything and he will GOBBLE it up. Give him an Apple Watch? Great, his forever, he’s already wearing it. Give him a toothpick? He’s using it, perfect.

Won’t ask you to pay, and is very willing if you don’t want to, but let’s be real you always do pay.

He’ll say “thank you” at least. Five days later, maybe, when he finally remembers, but he says it!!

Talks you into buying things that you don’t need.

”I mean, you have the money. Y’know. Just saying.”

Phil

This man hates it, change my mind.

It’s a competition to see who can pay first with this man, and he does it out of pure spite.

Actually, he does it because he wants you to feel normal and not like you have to pay because you’re rich.

“I have the money, Phil!” You insist, holding your card.

“And I don’t care. I already gave them my card, I’m paying.”

When you make a stupid financial decision and buy a $1,000 lightsaber (blame Tommy), he just kinda sighs at you.

If you approach him for financial advice, he will genuinely tell you helpful things as if you weren’t incredibly rich.

He accepts your gifts, but always makes sure to somehow give you one in return.

maybe not of equal value… he isn’t as rich as you… but of equal love <3

Techno

Have you SEEN this man’s setup? He is in NO POSITION to decline gifts.

Will secretly be desperately in need of literally anything and just. Wont get it. So you end up buying it for him…

You order him food online to have it delivered to him and man just won’t say thank you. He’s rather awkwardly send you a photo of the food on his desk, entirely eaten.

Or he’ll just drop a photo of his new setup in discord for you.

He will “anonymously” acknowledge you when he streams/records a video on his new gear though.

“And if you’ve noticed this video came much faster than normal, it’s because of a new PC which runs at light speed.” He zooms into the face of his Minecraft character. “It’s not a toaster guys! Praise the rich gods!”

He literally can’t afford to buy you gifts in return.

Well he COULD but that man sees the shipping and is horrified.

His gifts in return are those photos of whatever you give him.

Techno genuinely is VERY appreciative though!! Like you are practically saving this man’s life by buying him shit.

He won’t ask for anything, you’ve just got to use your gut instinct to figure out what to give him.

All

Having all three to spend money on is a DREAM for you.

Phil forces Tommy to say “thank you” every single time. Repeatedly.

Techno sends his photos in the group discord, and Tommy will jokingly rage that he didn’t get a new PC or something that Techno did.

Paying when you all go to eat is a competition of speed between you and Phil. He started getting sneaky and approaching the waiter/waitress before they even brought the bill.

So you had to compromise and agree to give your cards to the waiter and let them pick a card at random.

(you win most times because you’ve got a fancy ass card)

For your birthday they tend to kidnap you from your bed and take you to do a surprise so you can’t find a way to pay or something 😭

They’re all in awe of your house, meaning you love having them over!!

Best vlogs occur at your house, let’s be honest

[cat-hybridcellbit]

I miss Archivists guys…..I miss them so much. I miss how much they respected each other’s skills and how well they complemented each other. I miss Phil hearing that Cellbit needed evidence and then dropping just piles of sorted photos on him. And I miss Cellbit’s amazement that Phil went to all that trouble to organize and collect so much for him.

I miss how Cellbit would be trying to be serious and then Phil would start laughing and that would cause Cellbit to laugh and break character. I miss how they took each other’s words so seriously, how they’d believe what the other said even if it seemed strange or there wasn’t evidence. I just miss their interactions dude. I was so excited when they ended up sharing the same island after the reset because they’d be interacting more.

[moti-otp]

You asked for recap, I'll try to give you the shortest version I could come up with

First egg day

Not much, but gives signs of potential. 100% platonic, met literally yesterday

Tho can be the great example for how much their relationship has changed. Gay jokes, "come to the bed, partner", first pet names (still just jokes), but immediately clicked with each other and assured eachother in loyalty

Missa's first return (June~July)

Giving signs from Missa's side. Finding out that there's somebody that is after Phil and feeling jealous, tho understanding why ("ye, he's a kind of a man, you know?" - to Chayanne), admitting Phil as the only person who protecting and helping him from a heart. Probably this's the start of Missa's crush

The Four Months™

Phil used to be really patient person, he always been ready to wait for people as long as needed. But at one moment, he started missing Missa, he started yearning for Missa

Rambling about how everyone is okay with being a single parent and how Missa is never there, actually giving up on him and taking off the armour he made for Missa months ago, getting jealous over Guapoduo (only romantic, married and really affectionate couple on the server at the moment), whimpering over the random skull he found in the dungeon and even collecting every single skull he found in one of the dungeons for no reason

Missa's return

Everything is back to normal! But something definitely changed...

Phil and Missa were really affectionate from the start, Phil always was protective over Missa and tried to help him and Missa always was a bit shy around Phil and flustered by his help

But this time it's all stronger

For the whole journey to find new members (the frozen ones) they haven't left each other's side, even walked off from everyone else just to be alone together.

And this time Phil was even more protective of Missa. Usually the very paranoid man, who was scared of a single little light in the darkness started noticing only those mobs that were attacking Missa, who couldn't not to look at him or leave alone for even a moment, just to check if he was safe. And for a long time everyone saw Phil actually relaxed after so many months of paranoia and fear. Something started changing

And Missa, he was even more shy around Phil, tried not to say a wrong word or anything that could disappoint him, was apologising for everything he ever could do wrong. And something new started happening with him. Flirting. But not just jokes, more of an admiring thoughts that accidentally were slipping out of Missa's mouth without him wanting it. And first time when Missa started rambling™ so Phil couldn't understand him and first time when he actually confessed by saying "te amo"

And then matching backpacks, Missa being very normal with wanting to put Phil's head on his backpack and other members noticing something between them

Missa trying to run away from Chayanne, but confessing something important

Skipping the whole looney tunes episode with the deep trauma under it and getting to the most interesting part

Tallulah and Chayanne telling Missa that Phil was talking about him a lot and Roier, seeing Missa's reaction asking him if he likes Philza (in "te gusta" way) and Missa saying that he's very handsome, but he wouldn't tell him about that because he wants to respect him (plus being afraid of losing him and that they have now)

And then writing a sign with confession that he LOVES Philza (and Tallulah noticing it, but pretends that she hadn't seen anything)

The Mexican independence day

(Oh god, oh boy, i have a lot to say)

The Missa's return was Missa's simping day, well, now it's Phil's turn

Phil was trying not to leave Missa for the whole day, keep him around, but not to interrupt when he was talking with him friends or wanted to go somewhere with them, even if he wanted to spend time with Missa. Only with Missa.

Sneaking photos, [Missa yelling "te amo" in front of everyone to him], trying to drag out of the crowd by lassoing (same that did Roier with Cellbit and Fit with Pac), focusing in the dance only on him, gazing at him in the Order, proposing to leave if he felt overwhelmed, trying to keep next to him in the dungeon, [Missa calling Phil handsome], wanting to stay only with Missa when everyone was going to the Hot Girls' beach, [Missa wanting to go on a date with Phil], gazing at Missa when going to the said beach with a goofy smile, [Missa confessing that Phil makes him nervous], Phil noticing Missa's confession but not saying anything just giggling, [Missa wanting to hug Phil as his last thing he wants to do before he dies (he was okay)]

And then the "see you soon" without seeing eachother after that

Missa's capybara journey

Missa returning without knowing if his son and (not fully back then) daughter were okay, if Phil was okay and feeling guilty about everything he missed. Meeting with Luismi and going to the Capybara village with them

And then- calling himself a parasite, that he doesn't deserve his family, calling Phil "the person of a justice, the best islander on the whole island", capybaras getting Missa to return home and write a sign for Phil

[Few days after Phil finding that sign and trying to find if Missa left anything else for him and getting sad when he realises that he didn't]

The Aquarium(I'm getting really sleepy, help)

Bad meeting Missa at one of the days and starting to gaslight him that he has no home, that nobody cares about him

So he requests to live under Phil's basement in the aquarium that built without Phil's agreement

Missa, again, isolating himself and thinking that he's not enough for his family and that he doesn't deserve to be anywhere near Phil

The Purgatory

The good start with separating middle and awesome end

Everything starting with Phil, after noticing that Missa is on, immediately started to perch everywhere and trying to find Missa. Looking around everytime he heard the noise of waystone

And then, after finally finding him on the ground with everyone else. He first wanted to just glide down, but decided to do water drop (to show off in front of Missa). Then Missa started acting surprisingly clingy and bold- asking Phil to hug him, staring at his chest when he was shaking it for fun (actually was checking if he was alive, but from Phil's side it looked like he was looking at boobs)

And then they got separated

It wasn't much for Missa because he more was thinking about how he will help his team, but Phil was DEVASTATED. The little "noooooo" in despair when finding that Missa is in another team, sadly waving when Missa was standing with his back turned to him, and giving last little glances to Missa (maybe considering if he can go to Missa's team for him) before living

And then Missa, on his own, with only violence around him, realises that he needs Philza. He doesn't just loves how he looks and acts with him, he NEEDS him. He needs his comfort, his power, his protection. And he decides to leave Purgatory just so he wouldn't have a chance to hurt Phil even if his team will win

Meanwhile, somewhere on a dusty floor of a museum crying and sobbing Phil, crawling into a drawing of Soulfire with Missa on it, sadly cooing and totally not needing him as much as he needs him

The Prison

KISS. Missa realises that not only he needs Phil and his family, but that they also need him. KISS ON A LIPS. Phil, again, feeling fully relaxed after long time just with Missa, even sometimes forgetting that they should escape. PHIL ASKED MISSA TO KISS HIM ON A LIPS. And Tallulah finally officially becoming Missa's daughter. THE PISSA KISS HOLY FUCK EVEN CROWS DON'T THINK IT'S PLATONIC ANYMORE

The new start

Missa returning home once again. But everything is new, it's time to start with the white list. But this time he's sure in his feelings and wants to be with his family, wants to protect them and love Phil even if he won't get that back

Meanwhile Phil getting even more possesive over Missa with wanting to kill the villager just because he was sleeping on Missa's bed. He's very normal over his husband, yap

Missa made it canon that he's immortal just like Phil. Giving him even more pet names like "The immortal", "the man of my dreams"(heard that he called him a term that used by boyfriends about their girlfriends) and saying "I hope we'll see eachother soon, handsome" before logging out

Other notes (finally done for now

(FINALLY IT'S OVER AAA, IT TOOK ME AN HOUR, MAYBE MORE)

- Missa also called Phil "daddy" when saw an art of him on a Purgatory loading screen

- Phil, looking at the art of Fooligetta and Leo said: "the family, all together, yaaaay" in the most jealous tone ever

- Phil, looking at art of Guapoduo (again) with fucked up Cellbit said: "Cellbit is a little but fucked up, but Roier will help him, right? Roier will save him". And with what tone he was saying that he was hoping that somebody would come to him and save him too

- when Phil found Missa's "house" in aquarium he was saying "he doesn't- he thinks- he thinks I don't- he thinks he doesn't deserve me"

- in Prison Missa said that apapacho(hug) is that he does to Phil when he doesn't look

- there's like 7 times Phil was gazing at Missa from the side while he was talking with his friends or just was by himself, Phil really likes to look at him

- Fit actually thinks those two are romantic couple because he said "it's none if my business that other couples do" when found Missa's aquarium house (refering to him and Pac even before they got together)

- Cellbit told Missa that Phil is in love with him, but just scared if his feelings and can't accept them yet, but "he sees something really strong here" (quote)

- Chayanne had a backpack called "Phissa"

- Dapper called them lovebirds and promised to protect Missa from anyone if they want to get between him and Phil

- qPhil probably thinks that "platonic" just means "no sex" (he was answering to Cellbit's question about what platonic husbands mean ages ago and Phil couldn't answer normally, but Foolish yelled "no sex" and Phil said "ye, kinda like that")

It's finally finished yippee, hope it'll give you some recap and image on how insane we are here about these two

Words can´t express how I��m feeling rn, the happiness in my body is boiling and i'll explode in million pieces, thanks for this amazing food I'll always be grateful for this awesome work. It took you time to write everything here, Thank you. You're a legend. A great warrior o7

My respects for you comrade

[libraryofloveletters]

The Lights Shining Down On You

Ruben Dias x Fem!Reader

Warnings: ruben knows his lady needs his attention, sweetness from ruben, christmas lights on christmas lights, ruben is part time photographer for you.

Word Count: 565

Author's Note: now I had googled to see if I could find actual drive through light shows in manchester to make it accurate but google was being useless so just imagine it lol - big shocker but this one's for pookie and her ain't shit baby daddy lmaoooo @themandaloriansdiaries

--

The people of Manchester love Christmas, just as much as you do. Ruben makes it his mission to ensure that you get to see every single Christmas display there is to see.

Christmas was your favourite time of the year; the decorations, the lights, the gifts, the holiday spirit.

You found yourself going all out for the two months. Your boyfriend, Ruben, knew as much. He had been gone for a weekend as they had an away game and when he returned, you had turned the house into a winter wonderland.

Ruben had been a bit preoccupied with the matches, and the training and the final push in preparation for the club world cup but now that you were back home in Manchester and you'd have time for the holidays and yourself, your boyfriend had his mind set on spending time with you and only you for the next week before you're off again.

He had told you to get dressed, given you no clues as to where you were going and gotten into the car with you.

"You're seriously not going to tell me where we're going?" You looked over at your boyfriend and the man shook his head, a smile on his face as he drove.

You hummed along to the music, waiting patiently to see what your destination would be. Imagine your surprise when you realize your boyfriend has taken you to see the Christmas light show you had been telling him about all month.

"You didn't!" You looked over at him, a big grin on your face.

Ruben nods, winding down the window to pay the entrance fee. His free hand rests on your thigh as he drives slowly through the path, letting you take it all in.

This one was winter wonderland themed, much like your apartment, it focused on snowflakes, ice and sparkles with all different shades of white and blue.

You reached over, holding his hand as he drove, you took your photos and off you went again. The two of you were off to dinner, Ruben decided to feed you before you became cranky, which despite his sweet gesture, does happen more often than not.

After dinner, you assumed you were headed home but then Ruben turned up a different street, leading down an empty stretch of road.

"It'd be rather tragic for you to kidnap me before Christmas."

Ruben laughs, "I'm not kidnapping you, babe." He turns into the driveway, following it down to the Disney Christmas lights.

"You didn't!" You shouted at him, squeezing his hand. "This one is always booked! How'd you get tickets?"

"Well Phil took the kids and he knows the owner, he pulled some strings." Ruben tells you as he parks.

You get out of the car, holding his hand as you two walk through the park, Ruben lets you pull him around, showing him all the different characters. You took a million photos, Ruben patiently waiting for you to fix your outfits, change your poses as he took your pictures.

The two of you had made the rounds, holding hands as you wandered about now. "What's with all the sudden Christmas spirit, babe? I know you liked Christmas but 2 Christmas activities in one night? A bit odd for you." You laughed.

Ruben shrugged. "We practically live at the Etihad during the season and I figured we should spend some time together, doing something you'd enjoy."

"I do enjoy watching you play, Rubes." You squeezed his hand, smiling.. "But thank you, this was.. perfect." You turn to him, giving him a kiss.

[avenging-fandoms]

Sag Awards

"Oh my goodness, oh my God." Pedro walks over to you quickly and gently places his right hand on your ribs, his left hand rubbing up and down your back as he kisses you softly. "This dress, mi hermosa princesa I cannot believe you are my wife."

You smile and wrap an arm around his neck, holding his elbow as you kiss the corner of his mouth. "I'm so happy to be coming with you, first award show as your wife."

Pedro hums and you pull away, everyone around you two taking photos and videos of the whole interaction. "I'll always be a winner with you as my wife."

-

You couldn't let go of Pedro. Your hands wrap around his bicep, left hand on the top so you could show off your wedding ring. "Beautiful couple, how was the wedding?"

"Amazing! I can't believe that she's my wife forever!" Pedro shouts back and you giggle, kissing his cheek. You two take pictures before heading to interviews where you let Pedro do his thing, but he always made sure to include you.

You find the bar and order a drink and shot for you and Pedro, heading to your table. You two sit down and you set up your phone, the both of you picking up your shot glasses and you smile as you look at him, pecking his lips a few times before you two click the glasses and take the tequila shot.

"Woo! SAG awards!" Pedro exclaims and you laugh, looking behind Pedro and gasping. "What, are you gonna vom?"

"No, P! Billie Eilish is sitting at that table over there." He turns around and whips his head to you. "Holy shit!"

"Come on!" Pedro stands up and takes your hand, dragging you over to her. "Billie, we are huge fans. We play you with the windows down on a sunny day." Pedro says and she smiles, shaking your hands.

"I've been obsessed with you for years so I play you in more places than the car." You giggle, feeling the shot rush to your head. The three of you chat for a little bit before someone takes Billie's attention.

You stand up and go back to your table, a waiter coming over and asking if you need anything, and Pedro says no and turns to talk to someone and you tell the waiter 2 more shots of tequila.

You sit there quietly and observe the people in the room, thanking the waiter when he comes back a few minutes later. "Princesa! You did not." Pedro sighs and picks up the shot glass. "Well.. I won't win so let's get drunk!"

You gasp, hitting his shoulder. "You will win! This is your award show baby." You squeeze his bicep and he shoots his eyebrows up as he takes a big sip of his drink. The lights dim and Hannah Waddingham starts the show.

You sit correctly in your seat and watch her walk in the room, eyes sparkling as you intently listen to her speak. You hold Pedro's hand and he pulls it in his lap, putting his other hand on top of your interlinked one.

You two make quiet small talk and try not to disturb those around you, but Jessica Chastain was the sweetest human ever and joined in on the conversation, and the three of you try not to laugh too loudly. They go to a break and you continue the conversation and giggles, taking another shot with Jessica before they came back.

A few presenters later, Storm Reid and Phil Dunster walk out onto the stage, presenting Pedro's category. You squeeze his hand and watch the screen with heart eyes, clapping and cheering for your husband.

You grab his hand again as she opens the envelope, and by the squeal you knew. "Pedro Pascal!" He puts a hand over his mouth and you cheer, standing up and looking at him. He grabs your face and kisses you a few times, thanking you softly and you rub his arm before he walks onto the stage.

You put a hand over your mouth as you watch him hold the award in his hands, the both of you admiring it. "I'm a little drunk," He pauses, giving his soft doe eyes and the room laughs. "I thought I could get drunk. Um.. Holy shit I can't believe this!" He exclaims with a chuckle, teary eyes as he looks at the award and you were the first one on your feet, clapping and cheer.

Pedro immediately heard you and looks at you, putting his hand on his heart. "I love you baby!" You shout, blowing him a kiss.

"You.. my beautiful wife, you have saved my life." He starts to get choked up and you can't sit down. "You have helped me through the worst days I've ever had that I couldn't have gotten through alone. You are the sun to my moon, princesa." You blow him more kisses and interlink your fingers, resting your chin on them as you watch him, still standing.

Pedro walks off the stage and blows you more kisses before you run out the door. You didn't know if you were supposed to do this, but you didn't care. Pedro won a fucking SAG award.

You look around and someone on Pedro's team takes you to him. He was finishing his interview with Tan France and you watch him with such pride and his eyes meet yours, to which he wraps up the interview, running over to you and setting down his award.

You giggle as he wraps his arms around your waist and spins you around, your arms around his neck. "Pedrito I am so proud of you, oh my.. let's do shots!"

Pedro laughs into your neck and kisses your skin, pulling away and holding your face. "Thank you.. for always being there for me and helping me be able to get nominated for awards and win them. I love you so much."

Your face breaks out with a smile and you kiss him, his thumbs rubbing your cheeks as his fingers push your head closer to his. "I love you, my husband. Let's get back, holy shit you won an award!" You exclaim and shake his hands, jumping slightly.

"Shots!"

[astradyke]

every time i'm like dan and phil have basically already hard launched! the door is open, there's nothing else they can do to surprise me haha and then they take a fucking machine gun to my heart and say look at this cute photo of us smiling in front of the water huh? how's that for a hard launch you son of a bitch? and i am like please... please... i didn't mean... and they're like no you listen do you see how much we love each other? there's goddamn champagne in this photo. you see that shit? do you know the lore, mare? do you fucking know what this means? and i say i understand... please... i won't doubt you again i'm sorry oh God i'm flatlining... and they go we made hard launch we curated that shit in the womb nobody was EVER in love before that we made love exist and i said well i don't think that's historically accurate but i seriously just need a hospital man and the bug goes Shut up Please shut up.

[demonqueenart]

Guys, I need you all to understand that if Phil's associated color is blue and Dan's is orange, that would make them complementary colors, (which are colors that exist on the opposite side of the color wheel, and therefore, go well together).

Do you see how they are fundamentally meant for each other?? How the universe align them to be together?? Look at these photos and tell me you don’t feel the same.