#peter talks it over with james later because he needs someone to assure him this was in fact not a normal interaction

[xotyx]

Do you guys remember that Partyvan post about Barty wanting to taste Peter’s chapstick and Peter hands it to him but Barty kisses him and then makes Evan kiss him so he can taste it too?

Please consider that but Barty kisses him really messy with way too much tongue, especially for a quick kiss (he’s barty) and tells Evan to try and Ev kisses Peter really quick then a little harder and just stares at Barty and tells him he licked all of it off. Barty grabs the chapstick Peter was handing him (still hasn’t moved his hand!! He’s in shock!!) and puts it on Peter and Evan kisses him again and is like hm. You’re right. Then starts explaining in great detail exactly what they do to the chapstick to make it taste like that. Meanwhile Peter’s sitting there like ?????

[messers-moony]

Moony Wants, Moony Gets | R.L

Paring: Young!Remus Lupin X Slytherin!Fem!Reader

Summary: Moony has a natural wanting for his mate making his possessiveness visible the closer it gets to the full moon. 

He was always jealous. Blame it on the wolf in him, if you will, but Remus Lupin was highly possessive. Especially over what’s his - maybe not even what’s his but what he wants. She was gorgeous and his perfect mate—long tuffs of h/c hair and gleaming e/c eyes that glittered in the limelight. There was one problem with her, though—one major flaw in her mess of perfection. 

Y/n L/n, cunning, ambitious, resourceful, and charismatic. 

That was the problem. Y/n was a Slytherin, and Remus was a half-blood Gryffindor. To make matters worse, her closest friend was Regulus Black - Sirius Blacks brother. Remus’ best friend's brother. But Remus couldn’t help it. Her voice was like a siren's call, and her beauty was a rival to Aphrodite, but she had the wisdom of Athena. Y/n was a perfect balance of everything. 

Closer to the full moon, his possessiveness became more of a problem. Sirius was noticing the low growl that would erupt from Remus whenever someone stepped close to Y/n. James saw the lingering glares left on any male within a six feet distance of her. Even Peter observed his green eyes turn a shade darker as if someone mixed black paint into his usually bright eyes. 

Y/n sat at the Slytherin table, a cup of coffee beside her as she spoke intently with Regulus. Meanwhile, a Gryffindor across the Great Hall was glaring daggers at the younger Black brother's head. Sirius nudged him, grabbing his attention. 

“Mate, you’re growling again.” Sirius whispered, and Remus’ cheeks turned pink, “Am not.”

James gave an unconvincing grin, “Mhm, totally.”

“I was not growling.”

“I think you were.” James replied, “Definitely was.” Sirius added. 

Remus sighed, pushing his plate away to lay his head on the table, “What’s got Moony all wound up?” James queried, Remus, deadpanned looking at the laughing girl across the room. 

“I think I know.” Sirius simpered, “Do you now? Don’t be a tosser.” James stated teasingly. 

“Turn around. Slytherin, talking with Reggie.” 

He turned and looked back at Remus with his jaw dropped, “No- fucking- way.”

“What?”

“She’s the captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, you tosser!” 

“Oh…”

James snorted, “Yeah, oh.”

“Looks like Moony found his mate.” Sirius winked, and Remus groaned, “Shut up about it, will you?”

“Never.” 

It felt weird. James wouldn’t shut up about how brilliant Y/n was, how the Slytherin’s Quidditch team was able to make plays that no one else would’ve even thought about. Sirius wouldn’t stop offering to talk to Regulus to see if maybe he had any intel on her. Strangely enough, Peter was silent but had a guilty look on his face. Guilty sufficient for Remus to comment. 

“Why do you look guilty, Wormtail?” Remus inquired, and Peter's cheeks flushed pink, “She- Y/n isn’t- um….” 

“What do you know that we don’t, Peter?” Sirius queried, his voice harsh, “She isn’t what you think. That’s all I’m saying.” Peter stammered out nervously. 

James tilted his head at the blue-eyed boy, “And you know this how?” 

“She’s my ex-girlfriend.”

“Woah! Hold on a second!” Sirius exclaimed in shock, “When did this happen?!”

“Back in fourth year.” Peter informed, “She seemed nice enough until you start to get serious with her. Y/n’s sharp-tongued and extremely ill-tempered.” 

Sirius sniggered, “Sounds like Moony.”

“Oi!”

“Sorry!”

“So, what does this mean for Remus?” James questioned further, “It doesn’t mean anything. Just be careful. I don’t care if you date her. Means nothing to me.” Peter replied, putting his hands up in innocent. 

Remus stared at Peter with curiosity swirling. How much did he truly know about Y/n? How did he manage to date her? Nonetheless, it didn’t mean anything to Remus because Moony wanted her. What Moony wants is what Moony gets. Later that evening, after prefect patrol, he padded into the library to dismiss any working students. But there were only two students inside. They sat in a secluded corner of the library. Regulus Black and Y/n L/n. 

Was it envy? Was it jealousy? He didn’t have time to ponder. Y/n had her head laid on Regulus’ shoulder and both her arms wrapped around his one arm. Regulus had leaned his head on top of hers, wavy black hair intertwined with her h/c hair. Both their eyes were closed, apparent they were asleep—potion and Transfiguration books placed on top of the wooden table along with an open sketchbook. 

What was he supposed to do in this situation? Wake them up? If it was just Y/n, perhaps he could’ve, but Regulus was with her, and Regulus wasn’t too fond of Remus for being friends with his older brother. Madam Pince had already left for the night, either choosing not to disturb them or didn’t notice them. Remus saw the inkpot beside the Potions book, almost empty. It was Y/n’s inkpot because the ink wasn’t black. It was a deep grape color. 

Remus sighed and grabbed the ink from his bag, charming it the same color. Discretely he took hers and swapped it out with his. Leaving a piece of parchment on top. Remus left the library without another word. Waking them up was a risk he’d rather not take. But now, he laid in his bed wondering how she’d feel about the new ink on the table. 

The sun began to rise, and Y/n’s body felt stiff. Carefully she began to stir awake after noticing a body beside her. Opening her eyes, everything seemed blurry, but after blinking a few times, she recognized the library books and the person's scent beside her. Regulus, her best friend. Y/n yawned and pulled away from him, about to begin packing their belongings, but she noticed a piece of parchment that lay on top of her ink. 

“Noticed you were out. You can have mine.“ 

Y/n hummed appreciatively. She didn’t know who gave her their ink, but she was eternally grateful for them saving her a trip to Hogsmeade. Y/n poked at Regulus’ right side, and he eventually stirred awake. His curls disheveled and his body just as stiff as she was. Regulus opened his eyes and met her e/c ones. 

“Did we fall asleep?” He groaned, and Y/n scoffed, “What do you think, dingus?”

“No need to be mean this early in the morning, Merlin.” 

“Someone saw us last night, though.” Y/n stated, and Regulus noticeably jumped, “Who?”

She shrugged, “Not sure, but they left me a new pot of ink.”

“Lucky you.”

“Lucky me.”

Both best friends cleared their table. Y/n put her Potions books away, and Regulus put his Transfiguration books away. Y/n stared at the writing on the parchment she had received earlier that day. The handwriting was almost unrecognizable. It was messy and sprawled. Whoever this was did not have good handwriting or was in a rush. But the day carried on. In Potions, Y/n sat in the front while the Marauders sat in the back. Remus stared holes in the back of Y/n’s head. 

“She’s gonna notice if you keep staring at her like that.” Sirius muttered. 

Remus sighed and continued to write his notes. If he tried hard enough, he could make out her elegant purple ink from here. It always baffled him why she chose purple over traditional black - suppose it wasn’t really any of his business, but he couldn’t help but wonder. The familiar sketchbook sat on top of the desk as well; he could see doodles in the same deep purple color. Occasionally Regulus - who sat beside her - would nudge her to pay attention, gaining an annoyed groan. 

Potions class always smelt weird. It was a mixture of glue, seaweed, and salt. It was also constantly humid. It brought shivers down Remus’ spine. He noticed it doing the same to the Slytherin girl at the front. Remus craved nothing more than to wrap his robe around her, but he was too late. Regulus was already doing the action, which earned him one of her jaw-dropping smiles. Unconsciously he began growling again. This time, James smacked his arm. 

“Mate!” 

“Sorry…” 

Dinner was even worse. Y/n had yet to remove Regulus’ robes leaving him in a button-down white shirt and the usual uniform. Sirius was surprised at his younger brother's chivalry but didn’t speak much. The full moon was that night, and as dinner progressed, Remus only gained more possessive. James and Sirius gave up on trying to scold him. It was apparent Moony wanted - no - needed her. Slytherin captain be damned, Y/n was going to be Moonys. 

A dry winter night. As usual, Remus walked to the Whomping Willow with his three friends following him. Tonight was normal in the sense of his friends turning into their animagus,’ but the odd thing was letting him out of the shack. The werewolf and the dog ran around the forest together. The rat and stag lagging behind, allowing the two animals to play together. But a stick-breaking brought the attention of the werewolves to the new person. 

He could smell them. Hear their blood running through their veins. Their heart pounding at a standard rate. The dogs barking could be heard, trying to distract the werewolf. The scent was female, and she wasn’t scared. Instead, the girl approached with confidence sticking out her hand to the wolf. Padfoot barked loudly. Prongs backed down, looking nervous. Wormtail squeaked loudly. But she came with confidence and assurance. 

Moony growled, “Shh, shh, it’s okay.” She cooed, “You’re safe with me.”

The h/c haired girl knelt on the grass, “No need to be scared, I’m not going to hurt you.”

Moony hesitantly put his snout in the girl's palm, making her grin. His fur was soft to the touch, and his eyes turned soft. Her smile was beautiful, and Moony nuzzled his hand into her soft palm. She chuckled and patted him more. Padfoot barked excitedly and ran to her, but the werewolf started to bare his teeth again. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m yours.” 

The wolf seemed to calm down at her words allowing Padfoot to approach her. Smiling brightly, she pet both animals, “It’s okay, love.”

“My name’s Y/n. I didn’t know that there was a werewolf here.” Y/n greeted as Moony curled up beside her, his head on her thigh, Padfoot doing the same on the other side.

She caught sight of the other two animals and whistled for their attention, “C’mere.”

Prongs and Wormtail approached nervously, but Moony gave no sense of protectiveness. Y/n’s words resonated in his head over and over again, “I’m yours.” The wolf fell asleep beside her, Padfoot doing the same. Prongs approached, and Y/n patted the top of his head. Wormtail sat in front of her knee. They seemed at peace. It was the first time Moony ever felt at ease. They’d be lying if it didn’t make them happy. 

Y/n stayed up all night with the animals. Despite the animals not knowing, Y/n knew that the stag, rat, and dog were animagus’. The werewolf was unknown to her. The following morning when the stag turning into James, rat into Peter, dog into Sirius. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to find out who the werewolf was. When he turned back into a human with his clothes tattered. Y/n continued to run her fingers through his hair as he slept. 

“Morning, Marauders,” Y/n commented. 

“You’re- you-“ James stuttered.

She laughed, “Apparently, your moony really likes me.”

“Would you mind petting me again?” Sirius teased, “Maybe.” Y/n retorted, winking. 

Sirius laid down on her other thigh that Remus wasn’t laying on, smiling; she ran her fingers through their hair, “You’re a godsend, lemme tell you.”

James and Peter sat in front of Y/n, “What made you want to take a walk in the forbidden forest last night?”

“Just wanted some air.” Y/n answered. 

Remus groaned and began pushing his head onto Y/n’s hand, “Morning, Remus.”

The Marauders and Y/n had never seen him jump up that fast, “What- you- I- uh-“

“Didn’t know you were a werewolf.”

“I- uh…”

“Sirius, for the love of God, get off her lap.” James interject, slapping the boy on the head playfully, “But it feels so good.” Sirius drawled. 

James grabbed his arm and pulled him onto the grass. In the process, Sirius got a mouthful of dirt and grass, “You wanker.”

“Did I- erm- hurt you?” Remus questioned shyly, “Nope, I'm completely unscathed.” Y/n smiled reassuringly. 

Remus turned to his friends, “Nope! Y/n saved us all.”

“Are you hurt?” Y/n inquired to Remus, who took a quick look at himself, “I- I don’t believe so….”

Sirius blew a raspberry, “Thank Merlin! Dragging you to the hospital wing is bloody exhausting.”

Silence filled the forest until Sirius smirked, “You know, mate when you were talking about Moony wanting her. I thought you were joking. Turns out you weren’t.”

“Oi!”

“Oh, Merlin…”

Y/n chuckled, “Well, Moony is rather cute if I’m honest.”

Remus’ cheeks blasted with pink, and Sirius laughed. James shook his head with a big grin, and Peter looked amused with Y/n’s confession. Without hesitation, Y/n leaned over to kiss Remus’ cheek, making him hide his face flustered. She stood up and ruffled Sirius’ hand, gently rubbing her nails across his scalp, making Sirius try to lean into her palm. They all stared at her except for Remus, who was equally embarrassed and flustered. 

“If you’re looking for a fifth Marauder, I know the Slytherin common room password.” Y/n winked as she walked to the castle. 

[blessednereid]

August

WC: <4100

Mentions: Sexual innuendos, cursing, slut-shaming, Affairs/Adultery, Lying, Deceit

A/N: It’s an AU, basically where James and Lily don’t end up together, and the War ends before they graduate. Snape and Peter don’t become death eaters IG but that doesn’t really matter later on. Unedited, but it’s the last day of August so I gotta get it in NOW.

Pairings: James Potter x Reader, James Potter x Lily Evans, (future) Lily Evans x Reader

~~~

Y/N

*

Salt air

*

You and your boyfriend of two months are sitting on the shoreline of the shared beach near your houses. You’ve lived in the same neighbourhood for as long as you can remember, but never really noticed each other until your formative years. And the chemistry was undeniable, which is what led you to that precise moment.

“Hey, James… What do you think is going to happen when we go away for school?” you ask meekly.

Being a Beauxbaton student is as luxurious as it sounds. You never have to put up with brutish and grotesque boys in pissing contests, and while there may be catty classmates, there’s no fighting over boys. No heartbreak. No major drama.

That being said, that didn’t mean that none of you had boyfriends. You all had your fair share of suitors from Durmstrang or Hogwarts or some other school in the country. And yours was James Potter.

He is the epitome of a perfect boyfriend. He remembers small dates, like the exact day your cat died, and knows exactly what you need.

You don’t think you’ve loved anyone as much as you’ve loved him.

And that’s precisely why you’re so afraid to lose him.

You knew that the long distance between you would be difficult. What started as a summer fling quickly became something more, and James changed from a friend who could make you laugh your guts out to the boy that makes your heart sing.

He has his arms wrapped around you like a comforting blanket, and you know exactly what he’s thinking. The distance isn’t going to change my love for you.

But he doesn’t realize that it’ll change the amount he can express. And that’s going to be frustrating. You’ve only been together for a little while. So how would this even work?

“We just have to trust each other, darling. I love you, and you love me. That’s all that matters.”

“But James-”

“No buts,” he states stoically. “Nothing is going to change this. You just need to trust me, trust that this is going to work.”

James

*

And the rust on your door

*

He had told you exactly what he meant. That he loved you, and that you could trust him. He knew that he loved you, and that love had taken root in the deepest part of his heart. So when he opened the door to Sirius, Remus, and Peter’s room, since he would not be staying here this year, he not only felt excitement for the new year but sheer happiness at the fact that he had found someone who loved him as unconditionally as he loved her. He did feel some remorse that he wouldn’t be staying with his gaggle of mates though.

“Mate, what’s that grin on your face for? Haven’t gotten in any trouble without us, have you?”

Apparently, James’ inner monologue reflected on his face because all his friends were made aware of the grin on his face.

“No, I just…”

He’d managed to keep the relationship a secret from Sirius that summer because you didn’t want the already confusing relationship to be found out by the Wizarding World. For reporters to make it more convoluted and twisted than it actually was.

“I’m just glad to be back,” he says, deciding he needs to discuss with you if he could tell his friends about your relationship just yet.

*

I never needed anything more

*

When he saw Lily in classes the next day, a pang swam through his chest. He didn’t see her yesterday on the train. He wasn’t focusing on that. But now he was. He noticed that her red hair had been cut short to her shoulders and that she appeared much more confident. Her school blouse had the first two buttons popped, showing just the slightest bit of rosy cleavage.

No.

He had promised you that you could trust him, and you could. He knew you could. He was going to be the man that you deserved. Lily was in the past. Lily was a speed bump on his path to finding true love with you.

But why did the way he felt about Lily now feel as strongly as it did before?

And it didn’t help any when she waltzed up to his desk and straightened her arms right in front of his face, pushing out her chest, and making his lust and sexual drive soar. He was sure it was evident. That he’d broken out in a sweat, but he attempted to play it off as cool as an Autumn day.

“Hello James,” she greeted. “How was your summer?”

He gulped. In front of his eyes was a woman, the woman that he had wanted so desperately. He didn’t know her intentions, but he knew his thoughts. And if you could see his thoughts, could hear them… he knew you wouldn’t be pleased. He knew you’d realize that you’d been right in not trusting him. “Summer was fine, Lily-flower. And you? Hang around with Snivelly, any?”

“No, we haven’t talked since the end of last year. But I’m thinking that this is more room for opportunity, to make new friends, see the light, you know?” she grinned and it lit up his heart.

“So, I was talking to Remus, and he told me that I should give you a chance to be one of those new friends,” but the way she said friends implied something more. “And at first, I objected, and then I realized, I never really gave you much light in my eyes. Do you think you could change that, Jamesie?”

And fuck, if that didn’t make his heart race a little.

Lily

*

Whispers of "Are you sure?"

*

Lily and James were kissing passionately and furiously as they stumbled into her bedroom. Since becoming head girl, she had gotten her own dorm room. James had also gotten one, but Lily didn’t want to see how messy that room was.

She moved her hands from in between their two bodies and picked up her wand to cast several different nonverbal charms.

When she was done, she pushed James down onto the bed and began tearing off her clothes. And then his. When she was done and they were lying beside each other he muttered a final “are you sure?” to her, and she nodded. He kissed her with ferocious passion until the kiss became something more.

This happened again, again, again.

*

"Never have I ever before"

*

When James left Lily’s room for the fourth time that month, she pressed two fingers to her lips in reaction to his goodbye kiss.

“I’ve never felt this way about James. About anyone,” she thought.

He made her feel alive, he made her grin, he made her giggle, and he made her heart flutter when he was around her. Of course, she knew this when she approached him. She just didn’t think it would escalate to this level so soon.

She wants to shout to the world the way she feels about him, the way he makes her feel. How he can take her breath away and make her feel like the most important and most special girl on the planet.

Like she was made just and entirely for him, and that the same applied for him to her.

She couldn’t stop her wild dreams, the ones of vivid love and passion, the ones where he would kiss her, take her hand, and profess his love in grand displays. Where he’d fight for her and never leave her.

Fantasy and delusion never left her mind when it came to him.

*

Your back beneath the sun

*

He and she both lie underneath the sun, soaking up its rays, sharing its warmth, staring at the clouds trying to make out certain shapes.

It was a sunny December day, which was rare, so they were getting as much out of it as they could.

“James, we should study,” she lightly approached the devastating topic. “It’s not like I really want to, but what kind of example are we setting as head boy and girl?”

“Well, If we go back up to our dorms, nobody will know if we’re studying or doing something else,” he said with a wriggle of eyebrows.

“No, James!” she laughs, and he joins her. His pearly teeth both ensnaring her mind and rendering her unable to focus on anything but him.

“When’s the next Hogsmeade trip?” he asked casually while he laid back down with his head facing the sky.

“Most likely before the holidays.”

She saw his face contort when she mentioned the Christmas break.

“James, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just thinking about… the war.” His face was pale, and his face sour.

“I’m thinking of joining the order after I graduate, but it’s still scary, you know. I’m worried about my mum and dad.”

“Your parents are going to be fine, James,” she assured him, but she knew he would be fully relieved until the war was over and all death eaters were locked up.

*

Wishin' I could write my name on it

*

She was sitting with Remus in the library when he brought up James. Let the record show that he brought up James, not her.

“So, how is everything going with James?”

She sighed lightly. “It’s magic, Remus. Pun intended.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you feel that way, Lily. Really, he’s a good guy once you get past that facade he puts on. I knew you’d like him.”

“Yes,” she says faintly. Doubts flood her head about his own feelings.

“What’s wrong, Lily?”

Her eyes turn down to her paper before reaching up again to meet his. “It’s silly, but… sometimes I wonder if he truly feels the same. I mean, most people don’t harbour feelings for one person for this long. What if all along it was just lust, and he’ll cast me away now that he’s satisfied that urge.”

“Lily, I promise you, James has had eyes for no one but you for many years. I highly doubt that it was lust, James isn’t like that.”

“You know,” she smiled. “You’re right. I just wish this didn’t have to be kept so hush-hush. The amount of girls I see fawning over him is grotesque.”

“So then ask him,” he pushed.

She took that as a challenge. “Alright. I will!”

*

The next time Lily saw James, they immediately rolled into bed and did what lovers do. But after that is when she posed the question.

“James, would we- will we ever be able to make this public?” she asked in a stern voice.

She saw thoughts swimming in his head for a moment.

“Lily,” he rolled onto his side. “We- I… This needs to be a secret for now. I mean, we are waist-deep into this war, and with my plans to go into the order, I can’t risk anyone coming after you.”

His logic made sense to her, and the wizarding world would get too caught up with the son of a prestigious wizard family being with a muggle-born in the middle of all of this.

He was right, she just had to swallow her jealousy for now.

*

Will you call when you’re back at school

*

The next week, there was a Hogsmeade trip, and despite them staying near the Marauders, really, it was a date for James and Lily. Or at least that’s what it felt like. An unofficial date.

They bought each other gifts to open over the holidays, kissed discreetly under mistletoes, and held hands while walking through the village.

When they went to get butterbeer for the rest of the group, there was a long but comfortable silence for a while.

“So what are you doing for the holidays?”

“Just going back home, maybe making some treats with my mum,” he said casually. “What about you?”

“Same as you, I guess. I’ll miss you, though.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

She tapped her foot absentmindedly as they waited. “What if I came with you?”

“What?” Panic flooded his face. “No, you couldn’t come with me, I’m afraid. My house is an Order safe place. If a death eater found it, you could be in danger.”

“You’re in danger just being there.”

“And you’re in danger by just breathing, Lily! That would be a double danger. I’m not risking that.”

She cringed at her sudden need to be close to him. “Right, sorry. It was a silly idea. A mindless thought.”

His face softened when he saw her embarrassment. “I’d love to bring you home, Lily, but it’s not safe.” But by now she could tell that he was lying, there was something more.

*

I remember thinkin' I had you

*

On the train back from London going to Hogwarts, Lily sat with Marlene and Dorcas, she hadn't seen them quite as much as she would’ve wanted since the school year started, and now was the perfect opportunity.

Lily felt remorse and guilt for not telling her friends about such a crucial part of her life, her relationship with James Potter, and truly she wanted to, but what if they judged her? And Marlene has had a reputation for having a loudmouth. What if she said something and word got out?

They conversed in idle gossip before an interesting topic was brought up. One that left Lily infuriated, and ready to murder a smug bastard.

“Have you heard about Potter and that Beauxbaton girl?”

Her eyes raised in curiosity and scorn. “What Beauxbaton girl?”

Dorcas revealed as much as she knew about you to Lily, your name, family, status in the Wizarding World. By the time she was done, Lily was struck with disbelief.

“And you’re sure they were kissing?” she said in response to Marlene’s information about the article in the Daily Prophet with a picture of them kissing.

“Yes!” she exclaimed.

“I have the article right here,” Dorcas mentioned.

“Way to bury the lead.”

“Oh shush,” she said and handed Lily the newspaper out of her bag.

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The man she had been with for the past four months was kissing another woman. With Tongue.

“Well, that’s fantastic for him,” she said sourly. “He must feel so proud to have gotten a pretty girlfriend after pining after me for so long. I wonder how long it’ll be before he tries pining after me again,”

“Who knows, maybe it is serious,” Dorcas proposed.

Lily growled. “I don’t think it’s that serious if he’s sleeping with another woman.”

Marlene’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean-”

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” she said before exiting the cabin of the train and heading to find James Potter.

“So,” she said when she reached his compartment. “How long have you been seeing her?”

James looked shocked to see her. “Lily, I can explain.”

“Can you? Please explain then. Is this why I couldn’t come with you? Why you had to keep us a secret James? For Godric’s sake, how long have you been seeing her?”

He gulped. “Since the summer.” Even Sirius looked shocked.

“I lived in your house, and you didn’t tell me, mate?”

“Not the time,” Peter chastised.

“Are you serious James? You spouted all of that you love me bullshit when you were with someone else?” Her eyes radiated anger. It was like staring into the mouth of an actively-fire-breathing dragon. “Does she know about me?”

“No, she doesn’t,” he admitted.

Lily said one more sentence before stalking away. “Well, you better tell her, or I will.”

*

But I can see us lost in the memory

*

Lily had no intention of telling you anything. She didn’t even know you. How would she send an owl to a total stranger and tell them that their boyfriend has been cheating on them with herself?

Lily never set out to be a homewrecker. But she didn’t even know she was wrecking a home, to begin with.

This was James’ fault, and he was going to own up to it.

Besides, It deserved to come from him. Lily knew how she felt about being told that she was the other woman from some outside source, and she didn’t want to do that to anyone at all.

But not even the sting of betrayal could mask the ever-flowing sadness that emanated from Lily. She truly believed he was in love. And maybe he was. Just not with her. And that was okay, but she didn’t deserve what she was put through.

Still, that doesn’t stop the fact that she, herself, was in love with him, and how is she supposed to ever get over that betrayal.

*

August slipped away into a moment in time- 'Cause it was never mine

*

Within the next few months, Lily had fallen into a rut. Her grades began slipping, her mood and cheeriness faltered. Even though the Wizarding World War had recently been won, with death-eaters being locked away, that didn’t change her mood, because she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate, to begin with. Her friends noticed her down-in-the-dumps aura, and despite knowing the cause, and how it wasn’t their fault, they couldn’t help but want to help her, to fix her.

But no one could repair the damage that James Potter caused to Lily but Lily herself. And that started with making amends.

“I have to send a follow-up letter to that girl. So I’ll ask you. Have you told her yet?” She cornered James in the library because, despite Head Boy and Head Girl duties, they didn’t see each other much. After all, he was avoiding her as much as she was avoiding him.

He gulped, “I haven’t. Lily, I can’t tell her. It would kill her, she was so worried about the distance and when she saw me at Christmas break, she was so happy. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you started an affair with me, James. An affair I didn’t agree to. I didn’t want to be anybody's mistress. And she deserves to know, and I am going to send her a letter. Today! So if you don’t tell her, she will find out from me. I’ve given you months.”

“Lily, don’t do this. Please. I can’t tell her over an owl. It has to be in person.”

She faltered. He was right. His heart may have been in the wrong place, but his head is in the right one. Doing that, telling you over an owl could have devastating consequences. It was a discussion that had to be had in person.

“Easter Break. That is your chance, James Potter. After that, If you don’t I will.”

She turned on her heel and was about to leave the library when he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Lily, you have to understand, I never meant to hurt you,” he said. “I have fancied you for so long, and when you finally reciprocated this year, I didn’t want to pass up that chance. I was wrong. You are so amazing, and I shouldn’t have done what I did, but please believe this. You deserve so much, and I couldn’t and could never give that to you, but when I did this, I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn’t think it would go this far.”

She scoffed. “Well, it did, James. You hurt me. You betrayed me, and you betrayed her. Neither of us deserved that, no matter what.”

*

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

*

Guilt twisted in her stomach every time she thought of you. Jealousy was surely a stage at first, everything about you had her enchanted, your hair, your eyes, your glowing skin. She was enthralled, and she could see why James was too.

And then she remembered his nights in her dorm, on her bed. Tossing and turning with her, his lips on her mouth, and she didn’t feel envy. She felt regret and culpability. If she had pressed James harder about whether his feelings really were the same as before, if he’d really wanted to do this, maybe he wouldn’t have done it.

And then she wouldn’t be in this position, and you wouldn’t be about to come crash-landing on impact with this heavy, and taboo truth.

But this wasn’t about her, Lily realized. This was about you. And how you were going to feel once James told you what happened when the train meets the station, and that is all Lily can think of as she sits on her bed, staring out of her window. When her owl knocks on the window to deliver her mail, the headline of the Daily Prophet is what catches her eye. “The Prodigal son in an affair with a Muggleborn witch!” It goes on and on about how a secret inside source heard an argument between the two of them in the Hogwarts library.

There is no doubt that you have seen this, and James didn’t get to tell you. Lily didn’t get to apologize to you. This just got a whole lot worse, and Lily didn’t know how she was going to deal with the sudden turn of events.

James is the villain here, she reminded herself. James is in the wrong, but she knew that she was still an unwitting accomplice. And her gut wrenched as she pondered on that very true fact.

*

August slipped away like a bottle of wine

*

Lily had to get away from the wizarding world, so although she didn’t plan on going home for the Easter holiday, she had to now.

She was being shamed for her insidious relationship with James, by certain people, mostly Snape and his friends, that bastard. Most everyone was supportive, they realized she had no idea about your relationship, but she was still worried about what you’d say to James, but more about what’d you’d say about her.

Had James told you that she didn’t know? That he lied to both of you. Would you be mad at her either way?

Shame pulsed through her body, and she couldn’t imagine what her mother would say when she told her if she ever did.

Though when she got home, her mother instantly noticed that something was wrong.

Knowing she couldn’t take her mothers knowing stares and hard gaze, she instantly confessed to everything that happened over the semester. Her mother didn’t judge her for having premarital sex as Lily thought she would, but rather comforted her daughter and reassured her. “If James is a half-decent person, he will tell her that you did nothing wrong, and she won’t be mad at you, Lily dear.”

Her mother's reassurance helped, but her rose bush of worry wouldn’t be clear of its thorns until she spoke with you.

*

'Cause you were never mine

*

When the break was over, and Lily was about to board the train station to the red engine that is the Hogwarts Express, someone was waiting for her at the door to the train.

“My train doesn’t arrive until later,” you say plainly. “I wanted to get here earlier though, to speak with you.”

Lily feels like she’s breaking out in hives under your eyes, and it’s not a good feeling.

“James told me about how you didn’t know about me, how you wanted him to tell me sooner, didn’t want me to find out from tabloids like you did.” You smiled at her.

“It really hurt me when I found out. I didn’t want you to feel that way, but you still deserved to know. I’m just sorry you found out like that anyway.”

“James already boarded the train, but I wanted to let you know we’re no longer together if you still wanted to be with him,” you said meekly.

Lily’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. “Godric, no! He’s a git.”

You laughed.

“I know we may not be able to be friends, but maybe it’ll be better if we work through all of this together, all three of us,” Lily proposed.

“Yes, individually, dually, all together, doesn’t matter, it needs to be resolved.”

Lily sighed a breath of relief. “Somehow, I feel lighter.”

“Me too.”

As Lily was about to board the train, you called out to her. “Lily!”

She whipped her head to face you. “We can be friends if you’d like, you know.”

That made Lily smile, and honestly, it made her heart bloom with a vague, but familiar feeling.

[honeymooneyy]

my sirius

summary: sirius loses his memories due to a potion mishap and james fails to tell him that he’s been dating remus for two years 

Sirius had never really been good at potions. 

He wasn’t one to follow the directions, and that reflected in his potion-making skills. He liked to make changes to the recipe, despite his lack of skills to make executive decisions like that. 

So when he had been brewing a particularly tricky potion with James - one that renders the drinker void of any memories for an hour, he probably shouldn’t have tweaked the recipe. 

But as Sirius stared down at the murky green goop, he wished for some pizazz. So he took matters into his own hands. A funky potion like this should look a lot cooler, he decided. Granted, it probably wasn’t a good decision to add that mystery white powder in the back of the cupboard. 

The second it touched the surface of his potion, it erupted out and onto Sirius. What happened next, was utter chaos. 

Slughorn was screaming at James to scourgify the cauldron, which he did with a shaky wave of his wand. Remus and Peter were on the floor in a fit of laughter, much like the rest of the class - even Snape was smiling. And Sirius, well poor Sirius wasn’t quite sure what he was doing. Or who he was. 

He turned to the tan boy next to him, who’s dark eyes were locked on his, worry evident in them. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “Sirius?” 

Serious?

“What?” Was the only reply he could muster. What was happening? What was serious? Who was this boy, and why did he look so concerned? 

“Did you, y’know, get any in your mouth?” The boy questioned, tilting his head a bit. His glasses reflected a bit when he did so, no longer allowed him to see his eyes. 

“Who are you?”

James deflated, turning to the man who was quivering in the corner. “Professor?” 

“It’s all fine,” The supposed Professor announced, holding his hands up. “I have  a couple counteractive potions. James, son, what did he put in there?” 

“Er, I’m not sure, I didn’t see.” The boy, James, turns back to their cauldron before reaching for a small bottle of white powder. “I think it was this.” 

The Professor squints at the bottle before sighing. “I’m not entirely sure what that was. We could try all three of the counter acting potions? They don’t mess with one another, and I’m sure one of them will work. Alright, I think we’ve had enough of this, class dismissed early, James stay here with Sirius. Please clean up properly!” 

The class began to put their materials away, whispering different cleaning spells as to not disturb the silence that had descended upon the class. Sirius assumed his name must be Sirius and James must not have been speaking of the emotion earlier. He stood at the small table with the dark cauldron, awkwardly shifting his weight as the Professor sifted through his drawers. 

In the end, he pulled out three small vials and handed them to James who brought them to Sirius. He flashed him a bright grin. “Drink up!” 

Sirius didn’t ask very many questions, though he felt as if he was bursting with them. He simply tilted his head back to swallow the liquids back, one after the other, cringing at the taste of the last one. 

James and the Professor continued to stare at him and Sirius stared back.

“What’s my name?” The Professor questioned after a moment of silence. 

“I don’t- I don’t know, sorry,” Sirius apologized, his ears burning as he shrunk under their inquisitive gazes. 

James sighed but the Professor didn’t seem to put off. “No worries, Black. I’ll take a look at that powder and I should have an antidote whipped up soon enough. Besides, if too much didn’t go wrong with your potion, you should get your memories back within the hour. James, why don’t you take him down to the medical wing to wait?” 

He must’ve messed up the potion because an hour later, he was still unknowing to who he was. 

James had filled him in on where he was - Hogwarts - and who he was - Sirius Black - but hadn’t given him too much information. He had assured that he’d get his memories back soon enough so there was no point. But the outcome was starting to look pretty bleak and soon enough, the nice nurse lady was sending Sirius away with James seeing as nothing could be done. 

“It’ll be fine, Sirius, Slughorn will get you back to normal soon enough. I reckon you’ll remember everything by tomorrow, no worries. And Remus and Peter will love this!” James seemed extremely enthusiastic, despite the fact that his best friend had no memories. 

“Does this sort of thing happen often?” Sirius was barely keeping up with James’ quick pace as he tried to absorb the castle he seemed to be in. 

“Losing your memories? Not to any of us, but I’m surprised it hasn’t happened yet. We’re always getting into trouble. We’re kinda known for our pranks.” 

James seemed pretty proud and Sirius smiled at the thought of pranks. 

“Anyway, we’re in Gryffindor. There’s four houses, but I don’t think you need to know the others, right now. The password is Ficklepuffs, don’t forget that or else you can’t get in.” 

Sirius nodded, mouthing the word and hoping he’ll be able to remember it. 

“Okay, let’s not stay in the common room too long. Better if you don’t have to deal with all the questions. Let’s go to our dorm room. We share it with Remus and Peter.” 

Sirius followed him up the stairs wordlessly, ignoring the stares from the others in the common room. James pushed a door open and Sirius stepped into the warm room, his eyes flitting around before finding a boy sitting on one of the four beds

The blonde one looked up at him before directing his gaze towards James. “Is he all fixed up yet?” 

James grimaced a bit, “No, we’re waiting for Slughorn to make an antidote. Poppy told us to bring him up here and make him comfortable until the potions wears off or whenever Slughorn makes the antidote. Whichever happens first.” 

Sirius just stood in the center of the room, unsure what exactly he was supposed to do. All four of the beds looked exactly the same, and though James had taken the bed next to the blonde boy’s bed, the other two seemed too similar. James must’ve noticed his discomfort because he nodded his head towards one of the beds before speaking to the other boy in hushed tones. 

The bed was large with thick curtains around it, probably for privacy. The bed was made neatly and Sirius felt bad as he settled on top, wrinkling the sheets. On the bedside table was a book or two that seemed pretty untouched, and a dog toy? 

“Hey, Sirius!” The blonde boy waved to get his attention. “I’m Peter.” 

“Hi Peter.” Sirius waved back only for the other boys’ jaw to drop open as he shot James a look. 

“He can talk?”

“Of course he can talk, you dolt. He lost his memories not his knowledge. I bet he can still do maths and stuff. He just doesn’t know how he learned it, I think.” James turned to Sirius with a thoughtful look. “What’s four plus four?” 

“Eight,” Sirius replied immediately, much to his surprise. 

“See! You know how you learned that? Who taught you?” 

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. “No, not really.” 

James gave Peter a knowing look. “See. James is always right, that’s why we don’t question James.” 

“Oh quit it with the third person.” Peter rolled his eyes though his lips were quirked up a bit in a smile. 

James continued to speak in third person and Sirius watched the banter with a small smile. Eventually Peter shoved James away, speaking of some essay he needed to finish, so James came over to bother him. 

“I know you don’t really remember me, but we’ve been best mates since first year. That’s when we were elven.” James fills him in, perching on the edge of his bed. 

“And now we’re...?” 

“Seventeen. Er, well you are. Your birthday was about a month ago, November third. Remus and I are still sixteen.”

Sirius nods, soaking in this information. “And we’ve been dorm mates since then?” 

“Yep! Actually, you live with me now. But don’t worry about that, you’ll get your memories back soon enough,” James reassured though Sirius didn’t fully believe him. 

His thoughts were broken by the door slamming open as another boy stalked in. He was muttering angrily and when he saw the Peter, he turned toward him. “My blasted book was on the other side of the school! This is what I get for trying to study for Charms!” 

Sirius just watched, mouth agape, because he had never seen someone this attractive. He knew he hasn’t seen very many people in the past hour, his only memories, but he’s sure no one else could compare. Though his side profile is all Sirius can see at the moment, he still marvels at his golden brown hair and the flutter of freckles splattering his face. His cheeks are flushed pink, probably from his journey to the other side of the school, and matched his lips that were moving rapidly as he complains. 

And then he seems to realize that Sirius is there because he turns to him, and Sirius squirmed under the intensity of his amber eyes. “Did Slughorn’s antidote work?” 

Sirius can barely manage a shake of his head. 

This seems to upset the boy further because he groans and falls back onto his bed, hands dragging down his face. Sirius can’t help but follow his actions as his jumper hitches up to reveal a patch of pale skin. A jagged scar peaks out from under it, and though it’s faded to a silvery white, Sirius internally flinches at the thought of how it felt. 

Though James was still on his bed, he couldn’t help but continue to sneak glances at Remus. Something about him, and his presence, seemed comforting. But he seemed in distress and Sirius wanted to offer that same comfort he found.

“If he’s Peter, you’re Remus, right?” Sirius can tell Remus is upset and maybe he just wanted to talk to his friend? While Sirius isn’t really Sirius, he can try. And then he stupidly introduces himself, “I’m Sirius.” 

“I know,” Remus replies flatly, still stretched out on his bed. “And you’re the biggest idiot I know.” 

Sirius cringes back, regretting the choice to open his mouth. He glances at James who just waves it off. 

“He’s not mad, it’s just Remus.” James leans back as he stretches his leg out to prod Remus with a toe, then squealing when Remus grabbed said toe and yanked him so he almost slid off the bed. “Oi!” 

Sirius waited for him to get situated again before leaning in to hiss, “You didn’t tell me I was gay! Or that Remus is so attractive! What the fuck, mate?” 

To his surprise James just laughs, “Oh, right. Sorry, it’s not something I thought I would have to tell you, I dunno, I didn’t think about it. And what? I was supposed to introduce Remus as the hot one?” 

“Yes,” Sirius replied, genuinely. “This is important information!” 

“Right, sorry. But you don’t have to whisper, it’s not really a secret.” 

Sirius narrows his eyes, “Being gay or thinking Remus is attractive?” 

“Both. They go hand in hand, really, if you think about it.” James nods thoughtfully before smiling again reassuringly. “You’ll remember soon enough.” 

“Right. So he knows I think he’s hot?” 

“I would hope so.” 

Sirius frowns at this, “You hope so? What, does everyone know?” 

“Oh, yes.” 

“Wait a minute, what exactly are we?” This time the question is directed to Remus who has been lying on his bed, quiet but no doubt listening in on their conversation. 

Remus turns his head over to look at Sirius, his eyes flickering over his face before a smile is pulling at his lips as he says, “Friends. Since first year.” 

“Yeah, yeah, everything since first year.” Sirius visibly deflates at this information. What was Sirius With Memories doing? How could he bear to be just friends with someone like that? And now he had gone asking dumb questions, no doubt a problem that will soon arise. 

It took a mere couple of seconds before the problem rose. 

James stood up, dusting off his pants in a big show before turning to Peter. “Let’s head down to dinner, yeah? I think it’s better if we leave Sirius back here, Remus, you’ll stay?” 

Remus hummed a reply, now turning to lie on his stomach, burrowing his head into his arms. He looked so cuddly Sirius itched to wiggle into his embrace. 

“Wait! I want to come, I want dinner, I’m hungry.” Sirius stood too but James waved him off. 

“Nah, too many questions. We’ll bring you back some food, Remus too. And Poppy said to make him comfortable so Remus, I dunno, tuck him into bed or something.” James didn’t leave much time to argue, slipping out of the dorm door with Peter close behind him. 

Sirius just stood there, awkwardly, now unsure what to do. He glanced at Remus who still had his head burrowed in his arms, and then at the door, considering just running after James and Peter. Why did he have to say something about Remus being attractive? Even if James was right and Remus already knew, it was so awkward!

“Are you going to change?” Remus asked, pulling Sirius out of his thoughts. His eyes flickered over Sirius’ figure before glancing back at him with a small smile. “You’re covered in that goop. I can clean off your bed, go get changed.” 

Sirius assumed the trunk at the foot of his bed must have his clothes, and much to his luck, he was right. He just reached for some random pants and a shirt before spotting a fuzzy jumper in the corner. He grabbed it too. 

Remus was muttering some sort of spell on the bed and the green patches were slowly disappearing. Throwing him one last glance, Sirius entered the bathroom and quickly changed out of his soiled clothes. Once he was clean, he grimaced at the state of his hair. Thankfully, it had been spared from the potion, for the most part, but was a tangly mess, no doubt from his nervous fiddling. He tried to rake his fingers through it but it didn’t do much so he just returned to the room. 

Remus had cleaned his bed and was on his own now, fidgeting with a comb. When he spotted Sirius his eyes brightened and his smile grew a bit as he waved him over. “C’mere, I’ll fix your hair.” 

Sirius ducked his head bashfully as he approached Remus’ bed before gingerly crawling onto it, sitting down in front of him. He was acutely aware of how close Remus was too him and butterflies erupted in his stomach. Sirius forced himself to sit perfectly still as nimble fingers began carding through his hair, working through the knots. 

“Oh, Sirius, how did this even happen?” Remus murmured, his voice quiet enough that it made Sirius blush. This whole thing felt so intimate and it didn’t help that Remus kept brushing against his back as he fixed his hair. 

“I dunno,” Sirius whispered back.

“S’okay, love, I think I can get the knots out.”

The nickname slipped out so naturally it sounded as if he said it every day, but it didn’t stop Sirius from freezing, his leg pausing in it’s bouncing. Remus must’ve noticed too because his fingers stilled in Sirius’ hair. 

“Shit, I couldn’t even go fifteen minutes, could I?” He tutted, before continuing to work through his hair. “Sorry, Sirius. Your face when I walked in was too priceless, I couldn’t not have some fun with it. I loved your reaction to me saying we’re just friends.” 

Sirius wasn’t completely sure what was happening, but he found his voice. “So we’re not friends?” 

Remus snorted at this, “No. We’ve been dating since fourth year. Almost two years, now, I think.” 

“Oh.” 

Sirius’ head was whirling. He was dating Remus? And the others really didn’t bother saying anything about it? Again, this seemed like important information! Your name is Sirius Black, you’re gay, you have a hot boyfriend...the basics! 

Remus laughed again and ran his comb through Sirius’ now tangle-free hair. “All done.” 

Sirius turned around so he could face Remus who was now settled back down and was leaning against his headboard. “Thank you.” 

“Look at you, so polite. If only Sirius could be like this every day.” Remus shook his head but his words held no venom. “Do you want me to braid it so it doesn’t get tangled again?” 

Sirius didn’t really know what to say to him, seeing as they were boyfriends though he had no memory of this. So he just nodded mutely, turning back around so Remus could braid his hair. He worked in silence and Sirius greatly appreciated it. 

When he was finished he patted Sirius’ shoulder and he turned around again. Remus was watching him with a warm smile and it encouraged him to voice his thoughts, “Do you think Slughorn will we be able to make an antidote?” 

“For you memories? I’m sure he will. He’s pretty talented,” Remus assured, his hands reaching out to brush a couple loose strands out of Sirius’ face. “Don’t worry too much. We’ll work it out tomorrow.” 

Sirius nods but he doesn’t feel very confident in the Professor’s abilities. “This is scary. I don’t know anything or anyone. It’s weird, though, I kind of still have emotions associated with people? So I feel things but I don’t know why.” 

“I’m sure it’s terrifying. But you’re safe with us, I promise you trust us when you’re normal. And for the emotions? It’s probably like muscle memory but with feelings? Can you describe it? Like me for example?” 

Heat crawls onto Sirius’ face and he dropped his gaze to his lap. “You’re warm. Like, my chest feels all warm on the inside. But also kind of swirly, I don’t know. It’s positive, I know that. I cared about you a lot, I think.”

“You did. I care about you a load too.” Remus reaches out to gently link their fingers together. “I was kind of scared about you never remembering me again, but I don’t think Dumbledore would let that happen. He’s the headmaster here.” 

“I wish I could remember you. You seem worth remembering.” 

Remus’ mouth fell open a bit at his words and then he was pulling Sirius into a tight hug, holding him against his chest. “That’s so cheesy but so sweet, oh my god, Sirius.” 

Sirius laughed at this, but wrapped his own arms around Remus, laying his head onto Remus’ chest. The embrace felt so natural he couldn’t help but melt into it, sighing softly. 

And that’s exactly when James and Peter burst through the door, holding plates of food. When James caught sight of them he exclaimed, “Remus! Get away from him! He doesn’t remember anything, poor Sirius! You’re a stranger! He’s a stranger!” 

“He’s not a stranger,” Remus protested, continuing to hold Sirius, chin tucked over the top of his head. “He’s my Sirius.” 

Sirius smiled into his sweater at his words. He quite liked the sound of that - my Sirius. 

[startanewdream]

for the drabble so....is this, like a thing now?

Hiya! How about a little bit of an outsider view of James and Lily? (Or Sirius is not sure how to feel about this new relationship yet):

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So is this… like a thing now?”

Next to him, sitting on the other couch, Remus’ foot connects with Sirius’ right shin.

“What?” Sirius asks defensively, not all regretting his question. There are things that a best friend is entitled to know, such as if his best friend’s presence at the Common Room will now come together with the presence of said best friend’s girlfriend, especially when they are sitting together on a couch far away from Sirius at the moment, lost in the own world.

“They are dating,” Remus says as if Sirius could ever forget it. The fact that James and Lily hold hands and share the goofiest smiles known to mankind make it obvious the fact they are dating. Also, all the snogging—seven years of mutual repressed feelings is not something to be taken lightly.

Still, Sirius hadn’t thought about the effects of all this dating in his own life.

Like the fact he can’t plan the perfect prank as he would normally do at this hour, enjoying the buzz of Friday night at the Common Room to hide their plans, when James is dating the Head Girl—never mind the fact that James himself is Head Boy.

But really, her status seems like something James should have considered before getting together with Lily Evans.

“I just wanted to know if they are going to spend all their free time together now,” Sirius says, shrugging, keeping his voice low. He doesn’t really think he has something to hide, but Remus always makes him feel as if he is doing something wrong—usually Remus is right about that.

“They are so sweet,” Peter declares, watching them without any shame.

“Yeah, it’s already giving me a toothache.”

“Nah,” Peter says absently. “You are just jealous.”

“What?!”

His cry makes people turn around to watch him, but while Peter flushes as if he has just now realized what he said, James and Lily continue in the obliviousness.

“Come on,” Remus says reasonably. “You are. And it’s fair, I mean, all James talks about these days is of Lily—”

“He always talked about her before,” Peter notes fairly.

“—but it will pass. I mean, this early stage of non-stop snogging, secret smiles, all in love, just the two of them.”

Sirius rolls his eyes. For someone usually so emphatic, he can’t believe Remus is seeing all the wrong signs here; this—James&Lily—is not something that’s going to go away so easily. Sure, they might want to rejoin society at some point like civilized people who don’t need to touch the other all the time, but all the rest is there to stay.

And he knows it because no one knows James as Sirius does, and Sirius knows his best friend is in love. Not the kind of passionate love that time consumes—but the kind that’s real, that James saw in his parents and that he truly believes in, the hopeless romantic he is. And Sirius would tease him about it and later maybe even advise him to keep a foot in the ground, if not for the fact that, despite all reason, it looks as if Lily Evans is just as hopeless romantic as James.

They are really the sweetest thing.

So, okay, James is now part of James&Lily—Lames, though Sirius is holding this joke until the best moment—, but he didn’t think this would mean James wouldn’t be part of the Marauders also.

He isn’t jealous; just feeling a little betrayed.

Then a shadow falls over him. “Hey, Padfoot, move aside.”

Sirius has a mind to give James an angry retort—James just acts as if he didn't leave them during dinner as soon as he saw Lily—, but before he can say anything, James just sits next to him, pushing him to the side as he pulls a book out of his backpack.

“Did you finish that essay for McGonagall? I want to be free this Saturday.”

“Oh, sure,” Sirius grumbles. “Let me lose my Friday night so you can have a free day with your girlfriend.”

“What?” James asks absently. “No, Lily has Charms Club tomorrow.”

“So you remembered your second option? Your old friends?”

James turns to him with an amused expression. That’s one of the things most infuriating about him ever since he started going out with Evans—nothing seems to upset him anymore.

“Don’t be silly,” he says good-naturedly. “It’s Halloween tomorrow, we need to finish our annual prank.”

This softens Sirius’ mood, but then, since she is never too far from him these days, Lily appears.

“Hey, you forgot your quill,” she says brightly, using the quill to tickle James. The laugh that comes out of James is one of the reasons Sirius vouches to never fall in love with anyone; love undignifies any human being. “What are you planning?”

James grins. “Who says we are planning anything?”

“I’m quite familiar with your Marauder’s face by now,” Lily replies and Sirius considers that love does make strange things; in other times, she would be furious with the idea of any Marauder prank, but now— “I’ve changed patrol schedules, by the way, so the dungeons should be free tomorrow between… five and six. Just so you know.”

James nods, winking at her, but Sirius frowns. “Why?”

“It’s Halloween tomorrow, isn’t it? Just make sure you are not seen around there.”

“We won’t,” James assures her, raising his head so they can share a soft loud kiss, ignoring anyone around them. “Thanks, Lily.”

She beams at him—an adorable beam as if to say “I can’t believe I love this dork so much”—, nods at the others and leaves to sit with her friends.

“That was nice,” Peter says.

“You really corrupted her,” Remus laughs.

They both look at Sirius. “Fine, Evans is not so bad,” he concedes. All things considered, he supposes there were worse people for James to fall in love with.

[oitommothetease]

Invisible String (14/15)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female reader (Modern AU)

Word Count: 2.4k words

Warning : angst, sad reader, angry reader, dumbass Bucky, Steve being likable for once, smartass Sam, reader finally having some friends, mention of assault, confrontation, drinking, fluff, Bec is Bucky’s sister - Rebecca

Unlike you, Bucky remembered everything. He could never forget that you were hurt because of him — tied to a chair for hours while he couldn't save you — crying on the bathroom floor as he held you. The only thing common in all of those instances was him. You had to go through shit because of him, and yet, you still didn't blame him. You wrapped your arm around him as if he wasn't the cause of your pain. It was clear that his past and the baggage that he came with didn’t bother you. In fact, you understood and accepted his trauma and still loved him. You didn't love him despite his baggage. No, you loved him with every bad thing he offered.

Bucky was sure you were delusional. No sane woman would want to be with the man who was responsible for her captivity, yet you snuggled closer towards him the moment this thought occurred in his head. And Bucky loved you more because of that, and he thought he wasn't physically capable of loving you more than he already did. Bucky knew you reciprocated those feelings, it was very obvious that both of you were a goner for the other. Nevertheless, those emotions were not voiced out loud in your relationship yet. And Bucky wanted it to stay that way.

Bucky decided to sneak out of your bed and house before you could wake up. He was aware it was cowardly of him to just leave without giving you an explanation. But if he stayed to explain, you would have asked him to stay, and he didn't have it in himself to tell you no. You were the ray of sunshine in his stormy life and he could never say no to you. You could ask him to get you the sun, and he would get it for you, even after knowing that it would kill him and the humankind in the process. He would still do it.

But what he couldn’t do was refuse you, so he would have to leave you instead.

***

You woke up a bit disoriented, unaware of the surroundings you were in. It took you a minute to process that you were in your own house and not held captive. Once you came back to your senses instinctively you called for Bucky. He held you while you slept the previous night, so he had to be out in the kitchen. When no response came back, you went out to check for him, only to be met with an empty house.

When you tried to contact him, Bucky was distant. He didn’t respond to your texts and your mind was telling you that something was wrong, but you shoved those thoughts sideways, hoping that maybe he was busy with work. But you both went through something traumatic, you needed him to be with you. If he were busy, he could have at least texted you.

Well, if he was going to ignore you, then you wouldn't be one of those people whose life revolved around their partner. You had a book to write and ambitions that didn’t involve him. 

Two hours later, when there was no word from him, you stared at the blank  screen on your computer. You weren’t unfamiliar with writer's block, but it had been months and you haven't written a single line since the incident in the club involving Rumlow. And now that you were alone with your thoughts, you started doubting everything. Should you have stayed in that corporate 9 to 5 job? You'd have a stable life and a fixed salary. Maybe you could have even got a promotion. Should you have filed a complaint against Rumlow? Bucky wanted you to, he even assured you the cops would be on your side, but you just weren't ready. You realized that by choosing to remain silent, you were sending a predator out in the world. He could do that to other people and you could have stopped it.

A knock on the front door interrupted your train of thoughts and you were grateful for the person on the other side. You assumed it was Bucky, he didn’t need to buzz in because he literally owned the building. Well, it could also be any one of his friends. Sam and Steve also didn't need permission . And the other day when Peter came by to give you your phone (you left it in the club), he didn't buzz in either. 

Seeing Wanda, Peter and Pietro on the door was a good change and God, you needed a change or else you'd go mad with self-loathing. 

“We brought pizza,” Wanda exclaimed, lifting the bag in her hand to show you.

You didn't say anything, just smiled at them thankfully. You were really delighted they were here. Not only that, but you didn't have many friends here, and you considered your work friends, your only friends. It was nice to see that they saw you as a friend too and not just someone they work with.

“And beers,” Pietro chimed in, raising the carton in his hand. 

You looked at Peter before teasing, “Is he even legal, guys?”

Seeing you joke around with them made Wanda happy. Between all the testosterone, she truly needed a female friend, and she was relieved to see you treating them as friends rather than colleagues. And she understood the trauma that must haunt you since your kidnapping. She was an empath and when you didn’t show up at work, she grew worried. 

Half an hour later, most of you were on your second beer. Pietro was on his fourth. That man was fast at everything he did. A movie was playing in the background that none of you paid attention to while everyone was settled on your couch. It wasn't a very spacious couch, you were all squashed into it, but it was too comfortable to leave. You were sitting in between Peter and Wanda, while Pietro was situated beside his sister.

You forgot how nice it felt to have friends and bitch about people to them.

“And just like that he was gone. I woke up and he wasn't there,” you told them, “Hasn't been taking my calls either.”

Pietro took a sip of his drink before saying, “What an ass!”

Wanda raised her bottle, nudging all of you to join her, and said, “Fuck men!” 

“Amen!” you agreed, Peter and Pietro nodded too.

“You should focus on your book,” Pietro advised, “Bucky is gonna regret if he loses someone like you, babe.”

The book. Your book. You couldn't tell them why you weren't focused on the book. It was still a lot to process, and you were not ready, so you nodded before chanting, “Fuck Bucky!”

***

“What are you doing here?” Sam questioned as he and his husband entered the  office.

“Last I checked, I own this place.”

Sam huffed, “I meant why are you here instead of her place, smartass?”

Bucky looked around to avoid the questioning gaze of both Sam and Steve. He hadn’t talked to Steve since the argument they had over you. Of course, they did discuss business as usual, but nothing related to their personal life.

 “She doesn't need me,'' Bucky murmured and looked at Steve. “You must be pleased to know that it's over.”

Bewilderment was clear on the faces of both the men because Bucky exhaled loudly before continuing, “I almost got her killed. It would be wise and safe for her to not be with me.”

Steve finally spoke, “Did she say that?”

When his best friend shook his head ‘no’, Steve sighed in exasperation. “You are an idiot.”

“Yeah, well, that's what you wanted, didn't you?” Bucky retorted, “For me to focus on work and not on her.”

 “I was clearly wrong, pal,” Steve raised his hand in exasperation as if it was obvious, “And I’m sorry for that.” 

“Well, it's over now.”

***

“Before I met Nat. I dated a girl who pretended to be gay,” Wanda scrunched her nose, remembering the awful memory.

“Oh yeah, weird Sallie,” Pietro smiled teasingly, “Did you guys know that when Wanda brought her home, she hit on our dad?”

 “No!” Both you and Peter cried out, stupefied at his words.

“Yeah,” Wanda outlined, “And on Pietro too.”

 “I mean, Mr. Barnes is not like this,” Peter brought the conversation back to Bucky and you sucked in a heavy breath. “I’m sure he had a good reason for doing all of this.”

“Seriously?” you were pretty drunk, but not drunk enough to talk about Bucky. You looked at Wanda and Pietro for support, but they shrugged their shoulders in a manner that said, ‘He's not wrong, though.’

You wanted to go to bed and sleep. But you knew they were right. Bucky would never hurt you intentionally, you knew that. “Do you guys know where he is now?”

***

Since trying to talk some sense into Bucky wasn't working, Sam and Steve retaliated back to talk about business.

“Clint is officially out of here,” Steve reported, “Torturing him would just create more ruckus. Rumlow is behind us because he wants his weapons in the government, and Clint would just be a casualty in all this shit. He has three kids.”

Sam huffed, “We told Laura. Her wrath would be worse for Clint than our fists.”

Bucky didn't say anything and just nodded. Steve could feel something was on Bucky's mind, wrapping his arms to his chest, he raised a brow towards his best friend.

“I’m just tired of all of this,” Bucky said sadly, “Is this what we left Rumlow for, pal? You have a kid at home, Wanda has a wife, I have ma and Bec and I haven't met them in years, in fear of someone following me. And now — Well, now I’ve lost the girl too."

Steve and Sam looked at their friend with sympathy. They knew the toll their work took on all of them. Hell, they had a four-year-old daughter at home, and could barely sleep at night, always terrified of losing their kid because of their job.

Sam was about to ask Bucky to suggest an alternative that would help all of them could to make it out of there and just work on the club and not some shady business. Suddenly, the office door flung open and on purpose, everyone’s hand reached for the gun in their waistband. But in walked you with a beer bottle in your hand and a pizza slice in another.

“JAMES BUCKY BARNES!” You exclaimed, your steps wavering a little as you walked towards him. Oh, and you looked royally pissed.

Instantly, Bucky was on his feet and making his way towards you, to hold you — to be near you. And before you could say anything, he was engulfing his arms around your waist, his head settled at the crane of your neck and you frowned. Okay, You did not expect that. You thought he would ignore you, and you would give him a piece of your mind before leaving.

Sober you would have asked him to have a mature conversation like adults, but tipsy you wanted to flip him off and leave. Your arms hung around your sides awkwardly, trying to understand the situation before finally pushing him away.

“You left me,” you spoke so softly that if Bucky wasn't so close, he wouldn't have heard it. “I needed you and you left me alone.”

Bucky’s heart broke at your words. He didn't consider how his rash decision would affect you. You were kidnapped by the person who assaulted you. Fuck, he cursed himself. He was supposed to be protecting you, not hurting you. You sounded so hurt that Bucky wanted to get on his knees and ask for forgiveness. He was so focused on your physical injuries, he did not even realize he was hurting you emotionally.

Steve cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable to present. He interrupted and took his husband’s hand in his, “We’re going to go.”

Before they could leave, you shifted your attention towards Steve and pointed a finger at him. “Why do you hate me?”

Steve stammered, he didn't expect you to put him in a spot like this, but you had a tad more than necessary liquid courage in your system.

“Doll,” Bucky breathed, and you moved your gaze back towards him. Steve took the opportunity and left the room with Sam.

You were on the verge of tears by now — both of you were — Bucky wasn't a man who could voice his feelings, but with you, all of his armor came shattering down. With you — he would tell you his vulnerabilities and fears just so he could let you in. You meant so much to him that the fear of losing you blinded his sense of understanding. He realized that he acted immaturely and by doing so, he almost lost you.

“You hurt me,” Your voice wavered, the traitorous tears made their way down your eyes, and Bucky couldn't see you like that. Instinctively, he stretched his hands to wrap around you, but stopped, “Can I hold you?”

You sniffled and nodded, and Bucky engulfed you flush against his chest. After a while, you snaked your hands around his shoulder too, and a sob broke down from your throat.

He didn't remember how long he held you like this, but after a while, he picked you up and made his way to the couch. He stood before you and then slid one hand up to your cheek. Likewise, he brushed his thumb across your cheek. And then you slowly straddled his waist as you both settled down on the soft sofa. Bucky’s hands fell naturally to your hips to pull you closer.

“I love you, Bucky,” you whispered, once your tears suspended. You enveloped your arms around him and pressed your forehead against his.

Bucky didn’t know whether you meant it or not. You were pretty drunk. He hoped you did.

“I love you, doll,” he confessed as he kissed the crown of your head. He noticed that you were on the brink of sleep, your breathing even, and you looked so peaceful in his arms.

 He felt at ease — calm even with you in his arms and in that moment he decided he was never letting you go no matter what.

TAGS :  @bananapipedreams​ @akkinda10​ @rivers-rambles21​ @emmabarnes​ @valsworldofcreativity​ @boofy1998​ @marvel-3407​ @mybuck​ @priii​ @coffeebooksandfandom​ @ladydmalfoy​ @shaking-a-jar-of-bees @elizamalfoyy​ @maladaptivexxdaydreaming​ @sabrinathesimp

Taglist for future stuff.

[my-unmanageable-mischief]

Secrets

For the anon who requested : Can i request a remus x reader where shes James sister and her and remus start dating in secret so james doesn’t get upset but one day james finds out?

 Remus Lupin x Reader

Remus was always your favorite one of James’s friends, from the moment you met him, you clicked. You were a year behind them at Hogwarts, and much to your older brother’s annoyance you quickly became a part of their group. A twelve year old James wasn’t keen on sharing his people with his annoying little sister, but now five years later, James was grateful for it. He knew you  had good friends, people who cared about you, and he always knew were you were so he could make sure you were safe. On top of that it was nice, being best mates with his sister. He knew plenty of siblings who weren’t that lucky. 

It was the start of your sixth year when it happened. James and Sirius were spending all their time at Quidditch, and Peter had joined the chess club- leaving you and Remus with far too much alone time. You studied together, ate together, and wandered the grounds of the castle together, and you had to admit, you enjoyed this newfound alone time. 

It all collimated one evening when you were alone in the common room, waiting for James and Sirius to return from placing the finishing details on a prank. Remus had kissed you. Something you had been hoping for for months. It was a short kiss, sweet and loving, and he confessed to you that he’d wanted to do that for years. That was the beautiful start of your secret relationship. Secret- being the key word. 

You both agreed James was better off not knowing for now, you could always revisit the problem at a later date, at least that’s what you had said. But it was months later and it hadn’t been brought up again. James was overprotective of you, and Remus didn’t want to risk his friendship with the boy by telling him he loved his sister, and you were fine with that, knowing James. He’d get over it, eventually, but not without a massive hissy fit. Neither of you wanted that. 

It was the first week of summer, and you were lounging in your backyard in a pair of shorts and a bathing suit top when your brother came out, Sirius in tow. 

“Can’t you put some clothes on?” You glanced at him from over the top of your sunglasses. 

“I’m wearing clothes.” 

“I don’t need Sirius gawking at you,”

“Oi!” The other boy interjected, “I’m not gawking!” James glared at him, then you. 

“Remus will be here soon,” He stated and you smiled, going back to lounging happily. 

“Brilliant, let me know when he arrives.” James made a noise that was a mix between a grunt and a groan before going back into the house, Sirius a half a step behind him. Remus was spending two week with you and your brother at your house, and you were more than excited. But also worried, you had never had to be together for such a long, uninterrupted period of time, while also hiding your relationship. 

The first two days went smooth, as smooth as life with James Potter could be. It was the third day that everything came crashing down. Sirius had his own bedroom at your house, but Remus was sleeping on a cot in James’s room. That night, after James had fallen asleep he snuck out, down the hall, and into your room- like you had planned. 

“Hello love,” You smiled gently, sitting up in your bed. Remus came over to you and crawled in beside you, You immediately snuggled up to his side, placing a kiss on his lips. You had missed him, even if you had spent plenty of time with him the last few days. It was alone time, your time. Remus wrapped an arm around you and pulled you closer to him. 

“Hello, it’s good to see you,” He murmured, burying his face in your hair and breathing deeply. You smiled to yourself, enjoying these moments you got. Remus and your brother had graduated this year, they would be starting their adult lives soon, and you still had a whole year left, by yourself, at Hogwarts. You laid in bed, talking, for Merlin knows how long. Suddenly there was a knock at your door and you both froze, Remus peeling you from him. 

“Y/N?” Your brother's voice called, and you cursed, ready to hide Remus under your bed. The door opened and your brother stood in the doorway looking cross, “Remus.” 

“J-James,” He answered, sitting on the edge of your bed as you nervously wrapped your arms around yourself. 

“What is this?” Your brother asked, cheeks rosy with anger. 

“It’s not what it looks like,” Remus assured, “We weren’t.. Doing anything. Just talking.” James narrowed his eyes at the boy. 

“You’re sneaking into my sisters room in the middle of the night to /talk/.” He asked, and you rolled your eyes, sitting up more, gently touching Remus’s shoulder. You’d been caught. 

“And a bit of snogging, not that it’s any of your business.” You snapped. James went even redder. 

“I thought more of you Remus! This is something Sirius would pull!” 

“I’m not pulling anything, mate.” Remus promised, “I like your sister, I really.. Really like your sister.” You smiled softly and him, and he took your hand in his, kissing your knuckles. James gagged. 

“You’re my mate! That’s my sister!” 

“We’ve been dating for months, Jamie, Remus is good to me, simmer down.” 

“I will not!” He came into the room, arms crossed over his chest. “I won’t- you can’t... date.” He looked at Remus, “That’s my sister mate, sisters are off limits.” 

“I think it’s up to her to decide, is it not?” Remus asked, looking at his longest friend with sad eyes. 

“No!”

“Stop being a prat, James,” You glared at your brother, “It is my choice, and I love Remus.” 

“Love? Are you insane?!” James asked, eyes wide. 

“Are you?” You countered, “You’re acting like an arse.” 

“I’m protecting you!” 

“From who? Remus? Or are you protecting yourself.” 

“You’re not old enough for boys,” He grumbled and you scoffed. 

“Not old enough? I’m nearly of age you idiot.” You argued. 

“Well you could try dating someone who isn’t supposed to be my best mate!” 

“Shh.. You’re going to wake mom and dad with all your bitching.” He pouted. He wasn’t getting his way and he was cross about it. “We’re happy, he treats me brilliantly, isn’t that what you want?” You questioned and James shrugged. “I’m not going to stop being his girlfriend because you’re immature.” 

“I’m not immature!” You shushed him again and he lowered his voice,” I am not immature, Y/N.” Remus who had been quiet as you two bickered stood up from the bed. 

“I’m sorry mate, we shouldn’t have kept it a secret for so long, but I promise you. I will never do anything to her that would hurt her or disrespect her.” James looked at the boy, frowning. 

“If you do, I will kill you.” 

“I expect you to.” He promised. James nodded curtly.

“We will talk more tomorrow, but for now, you better get back to your cot before I decide I do want to wake our parents.”

“Mum loves Remus, she’ll be thrilled.” 

“Dad won’t be thrilled to find out he’s in your bed in the middle of the night.” He had a point. You shrugged. “We can all have a nice sit down chat tomorrow, you two can explain yourselves.” 

“I’m not explaining my relationships to you, James.” 

“You owe me an apology for keeping this a secret. Sirius too.” 

“I’m sorry,” You responded mockingly, “Sorry I don’t tell you every intimate detail about my love life.” He covered his ears at the word intimate making a face. 

“Stop there. Remus, lets go.” 

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He smiled at you sheepishly, and you grinned, leaning over to give him a kiss, which made James gag again.

“Goodluck,” You whispered, “You need it.” Remus blushed at your kiss but laughed at your words. 

“See you in the morning.” 

“Are you two nearly done?” James huffed. He’d get over it. You knew he would. There were plenty of worse boys you could date, Sirius for one. He’d get over it.

[inkandpen22]

Young Hearts Divided (3/?)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader / James Potter x Female!Reader 

Warnings: none 

Word Count: 2.3k 

Part Summary: As James and Sirius continue to act strangely, Y/N struggles to figure out the reason. When James asks her to do something, the pieces start to fall into place, leaving her even more confused than before. 

Masterlist

James and I study for History of Magic all afternoon following copying Lily’s notes. James is lucky I actually understand History, otherwise, we’d both be in trouble. As I go over the chapter with him, he takes notes for the first time on this portion of the book. During class, he’s usually sleeping or doodling. It’s rather distracting being his seat partner, especially when he asks me to play Tic-Tac-Toe with him. One of us has to pay attention because we can depend on Lily to cover us. 

“What led to the Goblin Rebellion of 1612?” I quiz James. 

He taps his chin with a quill, thinking up an answer. After it takes longer than it should, I lean back in my chair with a raised brow. Unable to withhold my amusement, I snicker at my struggling friend. He’s toast, this exam is going to wreck his marks. 

He whines, reaching across the table to gently grab my arm pleadingly. “Help me!” 

I giggle, sliding my book toward him. “Read up. You’re going to need it!” 

He whines some more, childishly pouting. “But I hate reading,” he groans, tossing his head back. As an idea pops into his head, he perks up, “summarize it for me?” 

I open my mouth to protest, unsure if I’ll do it justice, but James cuts me off eagerly. 

“I’ll make it up to you!” He insists. “I’ll… I’ll…” he struggles to think up compensation. Then, he snaps his fingers, pointing at me as another apparently brilliant thought crosses his mind. “I’ll take you to Hogsmeade this weekend!” 

“See! You already got a part of it,” I point out, ignoring his silly offer as I bring my textbook back to me considering he’s clearly not going to use it. “Hogsmeade is where the rebellion occurred! Tell me more.” 

He rolls his eyes at my seriousness, a hint of a smirk on the edge of his lips. Leaning forward, he crosses his arms on the table between us. “I’m serious Y/N,” he whispers so Professor Pince doesn’t shush us. “Let’s go to Hogsmeade this weekend.” 

Our group has never missed a Hogsmeade weekend. Any excuse to mess around drunk off firewhiskey and butterbeer is our preferred free time activity. Except for Lily and Remus, they play the parents. 

“James… everyone is going there this weekend…” I state a matter-of-factly with amusement before turning to write down in my notebook. 

“No, I mean….” he pauses, licking his lips nervously as he avoids my eyes. Evidently, he’s unsure of his words. 

I place my quill down, his hesitation earning my attention. It’s not like James to sound so anxious. What is wrong with everyone today? Did someone pour a spell in their pumpkin juice at breakfast today? It was probably a short term spell from Malfoy or Snape, a payback prank. I guess it’s a good thing I slept in. 

“James,” I place my hand on his comfortingly. His eyes break away from the space between us and meet mine with amazement. “It’s okay,” I laugh softly. “You can say anything to me, safe space here.” I wave my finger in a circle to gesture to our table. 

He laughs, nodding his head in understanding. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right…. I know. You’ve always been really easy to talk to Y/N. Uh, which is somewhat why I wanted to… um… ask you to Hogsmeade… You know, to go to Hogsmeade with me,” he stammers nervously, combing his fingers through his hair with his free hand. 

“Go with you as you go on your date?” I seek to clarify, still kind of lost in translation. 

He narrows his eyes, somewhat confused himself. “Yes…” he answers, making it sound more like a question. 

I nod at a steady pace, processing his words. Okay, well, this day has been anything but average. It’s not even supper time and already two Marauders have suddenly expressed interest in me. One minute, we’re all just friends and the next two of the most infamous playboys at Hogwarts are claiming to have feelings for me. I swear to Godrick Gryffindor if Peter or Remus stop me in the hall to confess their love I’m packing my things and going into hiding. Plus, I could’ve sworn James was head over heels in love with Lily? He told me so multiple times. Whenever he gets drunk we have a heart-to-heart about it. He asks me for advice and I assure him to be himself. Could his feelings have changed without me noticing? It’s hard to believe, but not impossible I suppose. 

Not wanting to hurt him, I accept the offer, “Yeah, yeah sounds good.” 

He smiles brightly, enthused by my answer. “Okay, um yeah, cool!” 

What harm could it do? I’m sure nothing will come from it anyway, James is pretty filthy with his affections. He’s been claiming to be in love with Lily since First Year but has dated girls since them. I’m sure I would even call it dating, they were more like flings here and there. I suspect James might just be confused or annoyed with Lily not reciprocating his affections, so he’s looking to me for some guidance. I don’t mind helping my friend figure out what he wants, as long as he doesn’t act irrationally. 

One problem though, how is Sirius going to react? We aren’t exactly together, but we can’t ignore what occurred at the lake today. He’ll be with us at Hogsmeade, we always go together as a group. I hold the necklace that Sirius gave me between my fingers without James noticing. What a confusing chain of events. I’m not sure what to think. I’m not sure what either of their intentions is. I never thought any of this would ever happen. I wonder if Sirius’s outburst during lunch has something to do with James’s offer? The two seemed rather harsh with each other. James clearly knew that Sirius and I were down at the lake considering he was next to Sirius in Potions and likely read the correspondence as Marlene did. My next thoughts are: how much does he know? Does he know what Sirius said? Does he know what he gave me? If so, does that have anything to do with him asking me to Hogsmeade? Is it all a competition with him? I’m utterly lost and all I can do is see how it pans out. I don’t want to shout accusations and end up hurting someone by accident. It’s odd, I’m both looking forward to this weekend and somewhat dreading it.

James and I decide to skip dinner, staying at the library to cram for History after James gets a sudden urge to study. James finishes telling me a humorous story about his family’s vacation many years ago when we returned to the tower after sundown. 

“My dad was soaked-” He describes with amusement. 

“Password?” The Fat Lady interrupts as we approach. 

“magia enim quisque est,” James answers, not missing a beat. He doesn’t even glance at the portrait. The Fat Lady swings open, revealing the passageway as James continues his story. “I thought my mom was going to topple over, she was laughing so hard!” 

I cover my mouth, laughing at James’s words. I’ve never had the privilege of meeting the Potters like some of the others. They sound like really fun from what I’ve heard from James and Sirius. 

Our friends are gathered in front of the fire. The fire is the main source of light in the room other than some weak candlesticks on the walls. Peter and Remus in opposite armchairs, with Lily sitting on the floor resting against Remus’s seat. Marlene is sitting on the floor directly in front of the fireplace, playing cards with Lily on the coffee table. Sirius sits at the far end of the couch, appearing to be venting to Remus. Everyone’s attention turns us when they hear us appearing in the Common Room. James and I stop, our shared laughter settling down as we peer at our friends. 

“You two were busy,” Marlene remarks with a smirk as she lays down a card on the table. 

“Yeah, you missed dinner,” Peter reminds us, sounding rather distressed by the idea. 

“Eh,” James shrugs, not too fazed by the matter. He presses his hand to my back, guiding me to sit on the couch with him. 

I follow his lead, not physically reacting to the presence of his hand through my mind is racing.

 “We can go grab something from the kitchens later,” he adds with a wink as grabs my waist to cross in front of me and sit in the middle, between me and Sirius. 

I blush, not used to receiving so much attention from James. I mean, I’ve known him since we were eleven so I’ve been the receiver of his relentless flirtatious personality, but now I’m starting to think it’s not unintentional. I ease down on the cushion, crisscrossing my legs comfortably. 

“You’re not allowed to do that,” Remus warns, knowing well enough that James won’t listen. “Unless you want another months’ detention.” 

James casually rests his arm on my leg as if he’s done it a thousand times before. Lily and Marlene silently look up from their cards, taking note of the action. They look between me and James’s arm as his thumb rubs against my knee. I share their looks of astonishment without the boys noticing as they’re too distracted by James and Remus going back and forth. I have no doubt this will be the hot topic when we head to bed. I exhale deeply, subconsciously picking at my nails, a nervous habit. 

“Did you hear what happened to that First Year in Herbology?” Lily is quick to change the subject. “Apparently a Slytherin boy fainted!” 

“Isn’t there a kid who faints every year on Mandrake day?” Marlene laughs, returning to their card game. 

“Not surprised it was a Slytherin,” James remarks mockingly with a chuckle. “They’re such pansies.” 

I frown at James’s words, my eyes focused on my lap. I have friends in Slytherin, they’re decent people. Granted, their house has a bad reputation, but that doesn’t mean they’re all bad. I have family members who were in Slytherin, they’re not evil or anything. Shoot, I could’ve been a Slytherin, the Sorting Hat debated on it. It saw motivation and cunningness in me, in fact, it nearly outweighed my Gryffindor qualities. 

“Forget that!” Peter nearly bursts with excitement in his chair next to me. “Did you hear about Snape?!” 

“Peter!” Lily snaps uncharacteristically at the boy. 

James and I jump slightly at the rudeness of Lily’s outburst, my hand gripping his on my knee instinctively. James glances down at my hand and I swiftly remove it. Peter cowers into his chair as though he was just reprimanded by a parent. My eyes flicker between the two, brows high like everyone else’s, except for James who continues to look at me admiringly. 

“What happened?” Sirius finally speaks, grumbling disinterestedly. Did he just miss Lily snapping? After that, he still has the guts to ask what happened? That’s bold. 

Lily glares at the jet black-haired boy. I lean forward peering in front of James to see Sirius’s reaction. He appears unfazed, slouching into the cushion beside James. His features are sharp, covered with evident frustration and annoyance. 

On that note, I think I’m going to excuse myself before things get too heated. Frankly, I don’t really care what happened with Snape. The boys obsess over picking on him and Lily worries for her childhood friend. Though I don’t condone bullying, I don’t care to get involved. I’m civil with both parties. 

“I’m going to head to bed,” I announce, already moving to stand up. 

Protests erupt amongst the group, each of them talking over each other. The only silent parties are James and Sirius. Sirius hadn’t reacted, starring ahead at the fire with a frown. 

James peers up at me with disappointed eyes, waiting for silence. “But I thought we were going to sneak down to the kitchens?” He pouts, holding my hand loosely. 

“And risk getting a detention?” I chuckle at the boy. 

“That didn’t seem to stop you this afternoon,” Sirius mumbles bitterly under his breath, not having the decency to look at me in the eye as does. 

James looks over his shoulder at his best friend. In unison, our friends begin to talk over each other again, this time exchanging their farewells and excuses for heading to bed. I’ve never seen Lily shove cards into their box so urgently before. I thought Remus was going to trip over himself, he leaped up so quickly from his seat. Now, the three of us are left alone in the Common Room. Sirius hasn’t even flinched once despite the chaos that just occurred around him. His eyes remain in narrow slits as they focus ahead on the burning fire. James burns holes into his friend, waiting for some sort of reaction. His hand continues to hold mine, it’s the only reason I’m still here. I would’ve safely run off with the others given the chance. I sort of feel like I’m rudely watching a private moment between best friends. Do I say something? In my defense, I wanted to leave before everyone else did. 

Building up the courage to break the silence, I slip my hand from James’s and stutter, “I’m gonna… I’m gonna go.” Hopefully, that won’t make either of them burst or something. Urgently, I pick up my books off the side table next to the couch. 

James and Sirius both snap their heads in my direction. Okay, not what I had hoped. I freeze, unsure of what to do or say. I have two pairs of eyes pouring into me. One pair black, the other hazel. I press my books to my chest nervously. 

Suddenly, the sound of the Fat Lady opening interrupts us. Professor McGonagall appears from the dark archway in her robe and cap. Her distraught expression makes my heart sink. James and Sirius both fly up from their seated positions behind me, sharing in my worry. Already predicting what this may be about, I’m too afraid to move.

__________________________________

Tags: @hannah220506​ @devilstradegy

Masterlist

[ginnympotter]

to the garden

here it is, my betty inspired jily one-shot. to be honest i’ve been struggling to write this for so long i don’t even know if it’s good, but i finished it and i’m at least proud of that. i hope you guys enjoy it. thanks so much for reading 💗 p.s. this is a covid free universe

you can also read it on AO3 here.

Thursday Afternoon

“I fucked up,” James announced as he sat down for lunch.

No one looked up, but Sirius responded after a large gulp of his soda. “That’s nothing new.”

James growled, stabbing at his roast beef. “No, you don’t understand. I fucked up so bad, I’m not even hungry.”

Remus was kind enough to spare him a sympathetic look. “Well if it ruined your appetite, it must be serious. What happened?”

“Evans switched her homeroom,” he muttered under his breath, looking around to make sure she was not near. He spotted her at her usual table across the room, out of earshot. “And I won’t make assumptions but…I think it’s ‘cause of me.”

“I believe that was an assumption,” Remus replied. “And a ridiculous one, at that.”

“But it’s true! She knows,” James cried hopelessly. “She knows I got with Alison this summer.”

Peter laughed. “Well, the whole school knows that.”

James’s eyes widened. He felt his stomach drop. “What do you mean, Pete?”

“Inez,” Sirius answered, still not looking up, browsing through different motorbikes on his phone.

James groaned. Of course Inez ran her mouth. If Inez got word of anything, true or false, she spread it like wildfire.

“On the bright side, I also heard from Inez today that Snape and Lily aren’t talking anymore,” Peter told him comfortingly.

Despite all odds, James’s spirits lifted just the tiniest bit. “They aren’t?”

He shot his eyes back at Lily’s table and noticed that Snape wasn’t there. Mary was sitting next to Lily and Marlene sat across from them, animatedly telling a story. He forced himself to look away so Lily wouldn’t catch him staring.

“Regardless,” Remus said, looking pointedly at James. “Lily switched into my homeroom, and she told me this morning it’s because she’s taking AP Lit instead of regular English class, so she had to move some things around to make it work.”

“Classic Evans,” Sirius laughed, putting his phone down and taking a bite of his sandwich. “It’s going to be a tight race between you two for valedictorian, Prongs.”

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, so maybe I’m not the sole reason she switched her homeroom, but she still hates me.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Remus said impatiently. “But if you’re so convinced, why don’t you just apologize?”

James got a distinct feeling that Remus knew something he didn’t. “Did she mention me to you in homeroom today? What are you hiding?” he asked eagerly.

Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m not hiding anything. Just talk to her yourself,” he responded, then gave a look that James clearly understood to mean ‘I’m done with this conversation,’ and dug back into his lunch.

Despite James’s conviction that Lily Evans hated him now, something about the way Remus was even more fed up with his antics than usual made him feel slightly less nauseous, and so he began to eat as well.

But only a moment later, the sound of Sirius’s voice made him feel sick again. “Just hook up with her at her party tomorrow night and it’ll all end well, I’m sure.”

James choked on his mashed potatoes. “Her what now?”

“Her party. You’re invited,” Sirius answered.

“I don’t follow,” James said, feeling as if very little air was entering his lungs. “How do you know she’s having a party? And that I’m invited?”

“She told me,” Sirius informed him. “We sit next to each other in AP Physics because of Vector’s alphabetized seating arrangement. You know that. That’s why you’re stuck with Peter.”

“I’m going to choose to ignore that,” said Peter.

“Anyway,” Sirius continued. “She told me she’s having a party tomorrow night at her house and to bring you guys along.” He lifted up his phone and shoved it in James’s face, a picture of a motorcycle on the screen. “What do you think about this one?”

“It’s fine,” James snapped, taking Sirius’s phone out of his hand. “Did she say my name specifically when inviting us or was she just talking vaguely about our group?”

“James, I don’t know,” he groaned reaching for his phone across the table. “I don’t analyze every word that comes out of Evans’s mouth! Now give me back my phone-“

“No-“

“Give it to him, James,” Remus said sternly.

James resigned, handing it back over. “Sorry, Dad.”

“Now, eat,” Remus ordered.

James was going to listen- he really was- but then Alison passed by with Inez. Alison looked at James and smiled sadly, offering a little wave. With regret in his stomach and guilt in his throat, he waved back, and then quickly looked back towards his friends.

“Coward,” Sirius muttered under his breath.

James gasped. If someone wanted to bruise James Potter’s ego, ‘coward’ was all they needed in their arsenal to defeat him. Above all, James has always prided himself on being brave. “How DARE you. Sleep on the street tonight, traitor.”

“Euphemia would sooner kick you to the curb for this Evans stupidity than depriving me of shelter for simply calling you out on your bullshit.”

“You don’t understand how painful my last conversation with Alison was…having to admit that I still had feelings for Lily…apologizing for not being more straightforward about it in the beginning…you can’t call me a coward after that.”

“Well, until you apologize to Lily too, I’ll continue berating you as I see fit.”

********

Friday Morning

James almost couldn’t complain; he knew he deserved this type of misery. But it still hurt.

Because as he walked into government class on Friday morning and spotted Evans, she was wearing a particular item of clothing that made his heart stop and his throat close up. Her white, knitted cardigan that it was definitely too hot to be wearing enveloped her like a hug.

“I like my sweaters oversized,” she had told him that night.

And now he couldn’t concentrate on a single thing Binns was saying because the very little self-control he had over his daydreaming was ripped away by that cardigan. He sat two seats to the left and one seat behind Lily and stared at the white material, remembering the feel of it through his fingers as he pulled her to him that night under the streetlight, as he took it off of her in his car…

He cursed himself for not treasuring that night more than he did…then maybe he wouldn’t have stormed out of the dance. Then maybe he wouldn’t have gotten in the car with Alison. Then maybe he would have actually had the courage to ask Lily to be his girlfriend when he had the chance.

Sirius was right. He was a coward.

He drowned himself in the memories of that night, letting his ego melt around him, suffocating him with regret. Out of the corner of his eye, waking him from his reverie, he noticed Snape a few seats away texting furiously and glancing at Lily, who pointedly turned her phone over on her desk so that she couldn’t see any messages that might be popping up on her home screen. She started tapping her pencil against her desk in frustration.

He smiled in spite of himself, knowing what each of her little quirks were, because he’d wanted her for so long, and he just made a mess of it all.

He didn’t know how, he didn’t know if he could, but he had to clean it up.

After far longer than he could bear, the bell rang. James was deciding whether or not to approach Lily, but before he could even make a decision, she threw her books into her bag, jumped up, and bolted towards the door. For a moment, James thought she could somehow read his mind and was trying to avoid him before it was too late, but he quickly realized that it was another man in Lily’s life driving her away.

Snape got up almost as quickly as her, his greasy hair blowing behind him as he followed her. James gathered his belongings and followed the class out, curious to see if Lily had made her escape or not.

She hadn’t. Rather, she was at her locker, rummaging through, as Snape stood at her locker door, speaking rapidly to her. As James approached, it sounded like Snape was pleading with her.

“Lily,” Snape said with urgency. “How many times do I need to apologize-“

“None,” she snapped, slamming her locker door. “Because I’m done forgiving you. Just leave me alone.”

“Will you please just listen-“

He strode over. “Snape,” he growled.

Snape turned sharply towards him, his features all narrowed in anger. “This is none of your business.”

“It seems like you’re harassing Evans. She told you to leave her alone.”

Lily finally looked at him, her expression unreadable. She kept her gaze on him as she spoke to Snape. “Please, Sev. Just go.”

But he remained rooted to the spot, his face red, yet seemingly unable to speak.

James adjusted his bag’s shoulder strap unnecessarily. He spoke to Lily. “You have art next, yeah? So do I. Come on.”

And without thinking much about it, he grasped her wrist and steered them away from Snape and down the hallway. He tried to ignore the familiar feel of the cardigan against his hand, noticing how Lily was striding along with him, quickening her pace as they turned the corner to enter the staircase. They walked down the stairs quickly in silence. As they reached the landing, Lily glanced up at him.

It was the first time he got a good look at her face since the dance. The summer sun seemed to have brought out her freckles. Her face was slightly flushed. Her red bangs had grown so long she had to part them in the middle so they wouldn’t fall in her eyes. Her eyes, as beautiful, as wide, as green, as lethal as ever.

When he processed all its parts as a whole, his stomach dropped; she looked… sad. Her eyes flashed to his grip on her wrist, and he removed his hand from her and ruffled his hair anxiously.

She spoke first, her voice not giving her away. “I appreciate the intention, Potter, but you didn’t have to do that. I can handle him myself.”

“I know you can,” he assured her, feeling the heat rise on his neck. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize…” she sighed, crossing her arms. “For that, at least.”

James’s stomach dropped. She stood for a moment, as if waiting for the implied other apology, but then offered a smile that was gone so fast that perhaps it was just his imagination, before turning out of the staircase into the hallway. Afraid to speak, he followed her into the art classroom. As they were the first ones in the room, Lily chose a table, and feeling reckless, James sat down next to her. “Sirius told me you’re having a party tonight.”

She nodded. “I am.”

“And that I’m invited.”

Her expression was suspicious. “You are.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You sure you want me there?”

She yanked her sketchbook out of her bag, opening it up roughly. “Show up, don’t show up, your choice, I don’t really care.”

But her voice was impassive, whereas it was usually filled with inflection and passion and emotion, so the lack thereof was a giveaway that she did care. He almost wanted to call her bluff, but the rest of their classmates started trickling in, including Lily’s friend, Mary Macdonald, who sat down and gave James a scathing look. He nodded at her politely and then focused on his bag, taking out his materials. Sirius strode in and sat next to James, giving him a questioning look. James just shook his head as he doodled on the corner of his sketchbook.

“Evans. Macdonald,” Sirius greeted their desk mates. “Ready to get smashed tonight?”

“Always,” Mary said.

“How difficult do you think it will be to impose a three-drink maximum?”

“Maximum?” Sirius gaped.

“Impossible, Lil,” Mary told her.

“What for?” asked Sirius, seeming deeply offended.

Lily sighed, pulling on her cardigan sleeves. “I just don’t want anyone breaking anything. Or vomiting on anything. My parents would kill me.”

“Or worse than that,” Mary looked at her. “Petunia,” she and Lily said simultaneously, grimacing.

Sirius let out a laugh like a bark. “Your boring, uptight sister? I’d like to see her try.”

“Oh, she will try,” Lily assured him.

“She won’t be home though, right?” Mary asked. “She’ll be off with her loser boyfriend.”

“Well, I apologize in advance, Evans, but I am going to be having more than three drinks. I probably won’t throw up, but no promises about not breaking anything, especially if this one tags along,” Sirius said, elbowing James. “Becomes a complete klutz under the influence.”

Mary turned her head sharply towards James. “You’re coming? To Lily’s party tonight? Who invited you?”

“I did,” Lily informed her, looking at her friend pointedly as if trying to send her a telepathic message. “Well, technically, I invited Sirius and told him to invite the other three. But Potter hasn’t made his mind up yet.”

Mary looked like she was containing herself as she said quietly, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t come. We can’t risk anything being broken. Although maybe it would be fun to see James suffer from Petunia’s wrath…”

James offered her an obviously fake smile, to which she narrowed her eyes in response just as the teacher began to attempt to gain the class’s attention. As the room became quiet, James caught Lily’s eyes again. Her cheeks were flushed but she didn’t shy away, she held his gaze, as if daring him to do something. If only he knew what.

*****

Friday Night

“James, stop being melodramatic.”

“Have you met him, Remus?” Sirius laughed, which James did not appreciate at all. As if he wasn’t melodramatic himself. “It’s his lifestyle.”

“Come on, we’re going to be late,” Peter urged them eagerly.

“I am unable to move,” James stated. “I have suddenly been rendered immobile. You guys go. I’ll just die here.”

Remus sighed heavily. “We’re two blocks away, James. Enough of your pretend psychosomatic syndrome and move.”

“Should I run back home and grab your skateboard?” asked Sirius, amused. “We’ll strap you to it and push you the rest of the way.”

“That could work.”

“No,” Remus refused. “Just be a man and go apologize to her. Excuse my gendered language.”

“You’re not excused,” James responded. But he grunted as he watched Remus turn and resume their route, so he forced his own legs forward, and he began to walk towards their doomed destination once again.

“Huzzah!” Peter shouted in celebration, scurrying after him.

“It’s a miracle!” Sirius gasped, throwing an arm around James’s shoulders. “Maybe I’ll convert from atheist to agnostic now.”

James chuckled nervously, fighting the urge to run very far away. He thought he could read Lily like a book, but with each step towards her house he felt increasingly doubtful of her intentions, how she would react when he arrived. It was the last time he could dream about what would happen when she sees his face again, and living in the best-case scenario fantasy was much easier than doing it in reality. But he knew if he didn’t seize this opportunity to apologize to Lily, he would never get another chance. And so he trudged on until they reached their destination. He could faintly hear the music that was blaring inside. Mary and Marlene were on the front porch laughing, Lily standing beside them.

Lily, who took his breath away with a singular glance, had her hair up the way he liked, wearing high-waist, denim shorts, a white t-shirt, and that damn cardigan. He felt his airways clog up with desire.

Mary gave James a similar dubious look as she did in art class. Marlene, who was protective of Lily but slightly more sympathetic than Mary, gave him a tight-lipped smile.

Sirius let go of James as Remus hugged Lily. James was filled with curiosity as he watched them quickly exchange whispered words in urgency. Remus patted Lily on the shoulder before walking in to her house. Peter and Marlene followed, but Sirius loitered outside, putting his arm around Mary.

“Come, Macdonald. It’s a beautiful night. Let’s walk.”

“Where?” she asked him skeptically.

“To the other side of the porch,” he told her, winking at James as if to tell him I got you covered, before steering her away from James and Lily.

It was just them for now.

There were so many things he wanted to tell her. How beautiful she looked, how much he missed her over the summer, how sorry he was for everything.

“So, I showed up,” is what he blurted out.

“And so you did.” She gave him a once over. “You look nice.”

“So do you,” he responded in haste. “More than nice- great.”

She shrugged, playing with the ends of her hair. James looked over to the other side of the porch and saw Sirius chatting up Mary, who was touching his arm and laughing.

For fear of Sirius’s distraction skills only lasting so long, James looked back at Lily. “Evans, I…I really need to talk to you. Do you think there’s somewhere we can do that with, er, a little more privacy? Like the garden?”

She bit her lip as she contemplated it. He tried not to stare, he really tried, but suddenly he felt like he was sweating.

Eventually, she nodded. “Sure. Follow me.”

She turned into her house and made her way through the living room and kitchen to the backdoor, striding without once looking back or making sure James was close behind. He followed her out the screen door and into the garden.

He sat beside her on the bench beside the orchids. The same bench where he kissed her last.

“The Evans household has a thing for flowers, huh?”

“What?”

“Well the garden has a lot of flowers. You and your sister, both named after flowers. These orchids are really nice,” he rambled nervously.

“Thanks?” she responded, looking at him suspiciously. “So, you wanted to talk?”

He cleared his throat. “Sorry. Uh, anyway. Thanks, yeah, I do. Honestly, I thought you’d tell me to go fuck myself.”

He could tell she was holding back a smile as she said, “I strongly considered it.”

“I’d deserve it,” he told her honestly, mustering up his courage. “I mean, I do deserve it. That’s why I’m here, I…I want to- no, I need to apologize to you for the way I acted the last week in school before you went away for the summer… I know you already know about it, but I…” he paused, taking a deep breath and locking eyes with her. He needed her to understand this. “I hope you can trust me when I tell you that what happened with Alison was just a summer thing…it’s over now.”

“It’s fine, James,” she said, breaking eye contact and looking off into the distance.

“No, it’s not fine,” he said in earnest. “It was stupid. Leaving the dance like that and not even talking to you and then only a few days later getting with Alison. It’s probably the worst thing I ever did. It wasn’t fair to Alison, because I was just trying to get you out of my head. But it especially wasn’t fair to you. And I’m sorry.”

The silence sat heavy around them before Lily sighed. She continued to stare at the flowers in the garden. “I just don’t know where it all went wrong.”

“I do,” he responded quietly. “At the dance, your favorite song was playing. ‘Lover’ by Taylor Swift. Remember?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, I wanted to dance with you to it-“

“I wanted to dance with you to it too,” she said, snapping her gaze back to his. Her look was fierce. “But I couldn’t find you!”

“I was sitting in the corner of the gym taking a break from the chaos. The dance was overwhelming. If it’s not a football game, I hate the crowds. You know that.”

“I do know that,” she replied, her face red. “Which is why I was trying to find you- I thought…God this sounds so stupid now. I thought we could dance to it outside or something.”

James tried to swallow, but it felt like his heart had jumped up into his throat. He forced more words out of his mouth. “It’s not stupid, that’s what I wanted to do.” They both smiled for a fraction of a second, but then his face dropped again as he told her, “But then I saw you dance with…him.”

Lily’s smile evaporated too. “You mean Severus?”

“Yes.”

Lily put her head in her hands. “Of course. Of course that’s what happened. God, how did I not put two and two together?”

“I know I was wrong now, I know nothing happened that night. Remus told me as much this summer,” he said, putting a hand through his hair, feeling the embarrassment spreading across his own cheeks. “But it was like my worst nightmare playing out before my eyes! I didn’t know you went looking for me at first, I didn’t know what you guys were talking about, I just saw his arms around you and was so angry I stormed out as fast as I could, so that I wouldn’t do something really stupid to him!”

Lily groaned, removing her hands from her face and pulling on her cardigan sleeves. “You could’ve spoken to me about it literally at any point after up until I left for my trip. I tried talking to you that last day in school and you gave me such a cold shoulder!”

“I know. And I’m sorry for that,” he apologized, hoping the sincerity was evident in his voice. “It’s not an excuse, but I was just hurt. We all know how obsessed Snivellus-“

“James,” she interrupted, rolling her eyes.

“Sorry, sorry, I know you hate that. We all know how obsessed Snape,” he corrected himself begrudgingly, continuing on, “is with you, and I know you two are like childhood best friends or whatever, so I jumped to conclusions when I saw you indulging him.”

“Well, you jumped wrong,” she almost spat. She was angry now, real angry, but James could not tell if her fury was directed at him or Snape. “I wasn’t indulging anything, he must’ve had his hands on me for fifteen seconds before I got him off me, told him off and stormed away.”

James felt a sense of relief and guilt tangled up inside him. “What happened?”

She fidgeted, exhaling deeply. “He was warning me about you for, I don’t know, the nine hundredth time at that point, saying how I should be with him instead, the usual bullshit. I went looking for you again but Sirius said you had left suddenly… And then you wouldn’t even look at me at school.”

“I was embarrassed. And furious,” he admitted.

“Yeah, I could tell as much.”

“But I still saw you talking to him,” James remembered, knowing it did not make a difference but wanting her to understand his entire thought process. “That last day in school. I saw you walk home with him. You two seemed fine.”

Lily frowned. “I was giving him one last chance to apologize, to salvage the small sliver of friendship I was still holding onto for only God knows why…we got to my house and he tried to kiss me. I had to physically push him off me, yelled at him like I’ve never yelled at anyone in my life, and he ran home. And that was the end of that.”

“Fuck,” James exhaled, feeling his anger burn every inch of his skin, boiling his insides.

“It’s ok, I’m fine,” she assured him, noticing how angry he looked on her behalf, and put the fingers peeking out of her cardigan sleeve on his hand to help level him. She let it linger for a few seconds in silence before bringing her hand back into her lap. “So that’s how my day ended before I left for Italy with my family. But I heard you had an interesting afternoon that day too, hm?”

It felt like a punch in the gut as she looked at him, her question pointed and knowing. His chest tightened as he asked, “Are you sure you want to know about it?”

“I’d rather hear it from you than Inez, so yes, if you’d please.”

He sighed, wanting so bad to look away from her but knowing he had to look her in the face so she’d see the remorse in his eyes. He summoned all the courage he had. “I saw you walking home with Snape, and was…besides myself. I took the long way home. Remember where we went on our date? That block with the broken cobblestones? I was walking there, thinking of you.” He paused and took a deep breath, Lily’s face still blank. “And then Alison pulled up in her car, noticed I was upset, told me to get in for a drive. It was like…a figment of my worst intentions. I thought you were with Snape, and Alison was throwing out hints left and right that she was interested, and so I went with it…we didn’t officially date or anything, but I spent time with her a bunch this summer. But it was so, so fucking stupid to think any other girl could distract me from you because…well, I dreamt of you all summer long. And so I told her that, and cut the whole thing off a couple of weeks ago.”

He paused, watching her face, hoping for a hint of what was racing through her beautiful brain. She was contemplative, searching his eyes. When she still said nothing, James reiterated, “I’m so, so sorry, Lily. About all of it…about Alison, about ignoring you those last few days at school, about assuming something was going on with you and Snape and storming out of the dance…”

Lily sighed, crossing her arms. “I understand. But it still hurts… I mean, I finally let you in and went on that date with you and I felt so… and then just so suddenly…” she trailed off.

“I know,” he empathized. “The thing I’m sorry for the most is not asking you to be my girlfriend the moment after you kissed me on our date. I was going to ask you at the dance, but obviously those plans got thrown out the window.”

“You were?” she asked, her arms dropping as her face softened.

“Yes,” he told her, needing her to believe him. “But not just that, I wanted to tell you how I feel, because I don’t think you really know, do you?”

She didn’t respond, so he took that as his cue to keep going.

“It’s my fault. I should’ve told you on our date, but I was trying to keep it cool, which was dumb, and I’m done with that. I’ve been…crazy about you since freshman year. I mean, I know I asked you out a bunch so you must have known I was interested, but it’s more than that. You are… the most special person I’ve ever known. You have a way of making everyone feel important. You’re so damn nice to everyone, I wish I had that kind of heart. And God, you are so smart it’s the sexiest thing-“

She started to laugh. When James’s eyes widened at this reaction, she shook her head. “I’m laughing because I think the same thing about you. Especially the smart and sexy bit.”

He smiled. “I mean, you’re so much more than sexy, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. And when I’m with you I can just be myself. We just…fit, you know?”

“I know.”

“Evans, I’ll apologize for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes. I’m an idiot, an absolute fucking idiot for the way I acted. I’m still trying to figure this all out, you know? I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything! I have no idea what I’m doing!” he laughed. She smiled back, and he took that as permission to hold her hand, and so he did. “But I know I miss you. More than I’ve ever missed anything or anyone. And I swear, I’ll never hurt you again. The only thing I want to do is make it up to you. Please believe me. You don’t have to forgive me yet, but at least say you believe me.”

There was a beat, and then Lily intertwined their fingers. “I believe you,” she told him. “And I forgive you.”

When James exhaled, it felt like it was the first time he properly breathed in months, his entire bodily system recalibrating. “Really?”

“Perhaps against my better judgment, but yes, really. I missed you, too.”

He suddenly felt electric, looking at Lily, letting her admission sink in. “I missed you so damn much,” he told her again, and unable to hold back a moment longer, he disconnected their fingers, put both his hands on her face and kissed her.

To his surprise, she kissed him back with matched enthusiasm, grasping at his sides and pulling him closer so that their bodies were connected. The feel of her was better than he remembered, more than he dreamed it would be. He moved one hand to the back of her head, and she opened her mouth to him. The world fell away as she let out a soft moan at the gentle sweep of his tongue. He sunk into her embrace and never intended to leave, because why would he need to do anything else?

But at some point, a few minutes too soon, Lily pulled away, leaning her head against James’s shoulder and breathing heavily.

“Alright, Evans?” he asked, kissing the top of her head.

She nodded against him. “Yeah, I’m just…hot.”

James chuckled, playing with her ponytail. “Well, that goes without saying.”

Lily snorted, picking her head up and looking at him, her eyes light and dazed. “No, I mean, I’m hot, like I’m sweating. Let me just…”

She pulled back just the slightest bit and unbuttoned her cardigan. As she shook out of it, her expression became mischievous.

“You wore that on purpose,” he accused her with an equally playful smile. “It was way too warm all day for you to actually need it.”

“Guilty,” she smirked, wrapping it around her waist. “I was hoping to spark something in your memory.”

“More like torture my memory,” he said, threading the sleeve through his fingers briefly. “You think I wouldn’t remember that you wore this on our date? The moment I saw you standing in your cardigan this morning, I knew I was fucked. I was distracted the rest of the day.”

“Too bad you didn’t see me sooner.”

“Well I would have if…”

He paused, contemplating whether he should ask her.

“If what?” she asked, looking at him curiously.

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Ok, random question, just thought of it like, one second ago, haven’t been ruminating on it since school started yesterday or anything. Did you switch your homeroom ‘cause of me?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Oh, so this is what you were bugging Remus about? No, of course not. I had to move my schedule around so I could take AP Lit.”

“Oh,” he exhaled in relief. “Well, good. But not good about you and my stupid friends conspiring behind my back-“

“There was no conspiring. You should be grateful for that stupid friend of yours; he pleaded your case rather convincingly.”

“He pleaded yours well too. Sometimes I don’t know whose side that guy is on.”

“Well mine, obviously,” she said. “Your assumption about homeroom was ridiculous. Did you think I was too afraid to see you or something? That I’m a coward?”

He tensed up again. “No! I would never- I just meant, I thought you were so sickened with me that the last thing you would want to do is start your day staring at the back of my head.”

She laughed, reaching over and running her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes at the feeling, reveling in the familiar touch he last felt a few months ago, though it felt like ages. “Nah, I’m quite fond of the back of your head. An exceedingly annoying amount, actually.”

He sighed happily as her nails gently grazed his scalp.

“But as much as that may be true, and although I do forgive you, I do still feel hurt. And that trust needs to be rebuilt over time, you know?”

“I know. Lily,” her name left his lips like a whisper. Her hand paused on the back of his neck. He opened his eyes again and met hers, green and sparkling. He couldn’t blow it this time. “I really am so, so sorry. And I will do whatever it takes to make it all up to you. But can I do that as your boyfriend?”

She bit her lip, studied his face for seconds that felt like an eternity, and then nodded.

“Yeah?” he asked hopefully.

“Yeah,” she confirmed, smiling. “Let’s do it already. I’m in.”

“Finally,” he said, smiling ear to ear. Lily laughed, probably at the goofy grin on his face, before he swiftly swooped in, crushing his lips against hers again.

Her nails continued their work in his hair as she kissed him back fervently, pressing her body against his again, causing him to moan. He knew that every second he had with her was cherished, and he tried to cement them in his mind, but it was only a few minutes later a voice broke them apart.

“Lily!” Mary called out from a distance. They broke apart with a simultaneous sigh, turning to see her standing outside the back door, hands on her hips like an angry parent. Sirius pushed the screen door open, shouted, “Sorry, I tried!” and then retreated back into the house.

She marched toward them, a woman on a mission. “Really, Lil? Really?”

“Why, Macdonald, you look lovely tonight,” James tried.

“Do not test me, James Potter,” she snapped. “You can’t just-“

“Mary,” Lily called her friend’s name fiercely. “No need for the hostility. James and I hashed everything out-”

“Yeah, unfortunately, I can see!” she exclaimed in disgust.

“Could you give us some space, then? Please?” Lily asked. “I know what I’m doing. Trust me.”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Fine. But just in case you forgot, your party is happening in there without you. And you promised me a round of karaoke.”

“And I intend to keep that promise,” she told her firmly. “Just give us a few, alright?”

“Alright. I’ll be timing you though. And Potter, I got my eye on you,” she warned, pointing her index and middle finger to her eyes and then onto James.

He laughed, knowing that Mary always liked him before the summer and would soften up to him again eventually. “Understood.”

She nodded and walked off. They waited until the screen door closed behind her. Then Lily turned back to face him. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be, I get it,” he waved it off. “And I don’t want your friends murdering either of us, but there’s so much I wanted to catch up on, like your trip to Italy-“

“I know, me too,” she sighed.

He interlocked their fingers and lifted her hand to his lips. “Are you free tomorrow? Why don’t we get breakfast and take a drive, spend the day? That way no one can interrupt us.”

“I’d like that.”

“I’ll pick you up at nine?”

“It’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

Knowing his time was running out, he leaned forward and kissed her once more with all he had, feeling elated as she returned each kiss with her own, already excited at the thought of kissing her more in the car tomorrow. With as much willpower as he could muster, he pulled away from her, running the hand that wasn’t holding hers down the length of her arm until it reached the cardigan around her waist. He felt a shiver down his spine at the twinkle in her eye as she squeezed his thigh. “C’mon,” she said, pulling them upwards.

He walked dreamily alongside her to the screen door, hardly able to believe his luck. Before she could open it, he stopped her. “Hey. I just wanted to say…thanks. For giving me another chance.”

“It’s your last one,” she told him, kind but certain. “So use it well.”

“I will. I promise.”

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

Uhm hey! I love me some Draco hehe... What about a slytherin reader that's deaf? Both of them knew each other already since she's from a rich pure blood family? And just Draco protecting her from mean people (even tho he is a bully) and just like their relationship throughout the years (without voldemort and those shenanigans pls... I want Draco to be a happy boi, also both of them have cheesy moments like every 5 seconds)

Cheesy and cute? UHM FUCK YEAH MY DUDE

Warnings: Swearing. Obviously.

You met Draco when you were nine.

Your parents introduced each other and Draco said something but you didn't respond to anything.

It confused the kid, why weren't you listening to him? At all?

"And this is Y/n. Our daughter... She's deaf." Your father finally said making it register.

Draco didn't know how to talk to you but you had this journal that you just whipped out.

"I can answer yes or no questions." You wrote down.

He nodded. Okay... "Have you enjoyed your time here?" He asked.

You gave a "meh" response.

"How can... How can you talk to me?" He asked.

You started writing again.

"I read lips." You wrote.

Draco could work with this.

So you two ended up talking all night and you had a ton of fun with him.

Your parents saw the excitement on your face after you left and set up more dinners with the Malfoys.

So Draco started learning sign language. He was able to learn that quick too.

The next time you came over Draco was able to sign his name, ask how you were doing, "slow down" and "I only know a little right now".

You and him became quick friends and Lucius was lowkey grateful to see his son open to up to someone who wasn't Crabbe and Goyle.

When you two were together you'd show visible happiness and your parents were psyched because you hadn't done that before.

They'd tell you "Hey we're going to the Malfoy's" and you'd smile.

Your next few birthdays were spent with them and Draco's were spent with you.

By the time Draco and you entered hogwarts Draco knew how to use sign language almost completely.

You were naturally nervous about going to a place with a LOT of people who most likely didn't know sign language. Draco kept close to you though.

Dumbledore did issue a warning about you that you were deaf so no one would just walk up to you and start talking and be offended by no response.

The sorting ceremony happened and you were sorted into Slytherin and Draco was naturally like "FUCK YEAH MY BEST FRIEND IS WITH ME!" And you were pretty psyched to be with him too.

However a lot of kids who knew Draco were surprised to see him use ASL and so quickly too.

You would sign back and everyone was literally the embodiment of the "???" Meme.

Students around you were confused on how this was a means of communication but went with it.

However there was the added challenge of the fucking passwords on the doors.

They had to basically assign a kid to always be with you so you could get back in to the common room.

Any guesses to who the kid was? If you said Draco then congratulations, buy yourself something pretty.

Draco was always with you and if he was for some reason unavailable, Snape actually would help out.

To everyone's surprise, Snape actually didn't hate your guts

He seemed to almost enjoy your presence and he knew sign language as well so if you needed something he understood.

Course, this gave Harry Potter the wrong idea about you at first.

He didn't get the memo apparently that you were deaf and he was alarmed that you got along with both Draco and Snape.

He watched your every move like a fucking hawk.

And then he saw Draco use sign language and uhm.

He felt fucking dumb.

Harry actually went off and learned it on his own time

Draco was sitting in the library and Harry asked if he could sit with you two.

In sign language.

This shocked both of you because Draco thought he was the only kid who could do that

You nodded and Harry told you he was trying to learn

So Draco and you became somewhat of a teacher for Harry

Hermione, to everyone's surprise, already knew sign language.

She has a deaf Aunt apparently.

Ron learned it too and suddenly all of the Weasley's were interested in learning.

Draco was excited to see you have a friend group.

Like yes: he loved being your friend. But he wanted the best for you and he wanted to see you interact with other people too.

Fred and George would never prank you because that's just a dick move, but my God did they go to you for advice and alibis.

You didn't mind it either

When you were all able to go to Hogsmeade, Harry wanted you to meet his Uncles

You were down but also worried that they wouldn't know sign language

But apparently Harry had wrote to them like "Hey uhm guys, I met someone cool but they're deaf, can you learn sign language"

James already knew how to do it because Sirius's go to excuse was "You're deaf and I'm blind" when he did something... Not so legal

Sirius learned it from Remus

Remus learned it before becoming a substitute for Quirrell just in case

Lily learned it because she wanted to know

Peter also learned it from Remus

When a group of adults other than the Malfoys and your parents started talking to you in sign language you actually cried

Draco was panicked and they were all worried until you signed "No one except Draco has cared this much before"

From that point on you were to BE PROTECTED BY YOUR NEW ADOPTED FATHER JAMES

James is literally "I just met Y/n five minutes ago but if something happened to her I'd kill everyone in the room and then myself"

You loved hanging out with these adults and when they invited you for Christmas your literal response was "Only if Draco comes with"

So there you were at the Potter house, Draco next to you the whole time

He loved seeing you happy oh my God

He'd see your smile and it'd make his whole week.

You'd go to bed and sometimes Draco would stay up downstairs and read

Sirius talked to him one night though

"So. How long have you loved her?" Sirius asked.

Draco looked up from his book.

"...What?" He asked.

"How long have you loved Y/n?" Sirius asked.

"How did... You know?" Draco asked.

"Because James looks at Lily the same way you look at Y/n." Sirius told him.

So Draco vented a little bit and Sirius basically told him "Draco. Boy. Just GO FOR IT."

When you all went back to school you had your first wonderful experience with bullies

They tried to fuck with you

Bad choice.

Terrible choice really.

Ron nearly killed them, along with Draco

Fred and George pranked them later with some... Explosives?

Harry jinxed them

Hermione just did the normal thing and REPORTED THEM.

You almost felt bad for those two guys.

You felt glad though that you had this group of people who would go to the moon and back for you

Your parents suddenly had a very crowded house during the summer

But they didn't mind because they all made you happy.

Draco and you would take these walks in the garden though.

It'd just be you and him.

The whole group kind of shipped it and wanted you two to have some alone time.

Draco would talk to you and you'd smile and laugh at some of the things he'd say.

He seemed very happy with you.

Draco would have small moments with you where you'd be cold and he'd lend you his jacket or keep an arm around you.

Fred and George became DETERMINED to get you two together

When the Triwizard tournament happened Draco signed up as a "Meh. Why not"

And got selected...

He was wanting to die internally the whole time he was with the other champions

He was so used to being around you that he would sign when he spoke verbally.

Viktor and Fleur were very confused until they met you.

One day they strolled over to say good luck and there you were, signing.

Then it made sense like "OOOHH HIS GIRLFRIEND IS DEAF"

And the group had to correct them "No no, just friends... For now" "Wait what--" "Shhh Draco, look at the pretty girl"

Then came the first trial with a dragon.

That's the first time the group had heard Draco scream... Like a little girl.

You were on the edge of your seat, very worried though

When he managed to get the egg you were relieved.

He ran into the tent and literally collapsed.

The boy was COVERED in soot and dirt but you didn't care.

You hugged him and he was panting because he just ran a God damn marathon running from the dragon.

But you looked at him and he looked at you and... Well you kissed

Rita Skeeter ate it up and published an article and Draco nearly killed the woman.

She made it sound like he was with you because you were deaf and he pitied you

Like no. That shit does not fly with Draco

Guess what: his father did hear about that

Lucius LAID INTO THAT WOMAN HOLY FUCK

You didn't care though, you now had Draco

He'd always be showing you some sort of affection, playing with your hair while he read, sleeping in the common room with you on his chest

Because you couldn't speak, he would write you little poems and you loved them.

Fun fact: Draco is actually really good at putting up hair.

Whenever you needed to have your hair up for something Draco was the one that did it.

He always had scrunchies on hand and if he noticed your hair bothering you in class, he literally does not care who's watching he'd pull it back and just do it then and there.

Well one day Mcgonagall walked up to you while you were with Fred and George and asked for your assistance

She basically told you that you were needed for Draco's challenge

And so Draco was very confused when you weren't there.

"Where's Y/n?" He asked.

"Mcgonagall said she needed her for something, we haven't seen her since." George answered.

Draco's heart DROPPED.

The second that that shot went off he had no hesitation jumping in.

He was the first one out of the water with you.

He was PISSED that they would do that to a student they knew was deaf

You assured him though you knew what you were getting into when you agreed to help them though and he calmed down a little.

Draco did not let you go though, he kept a arm around you the entire time he was out of the water.

He was scattering kisses across your face apologizing over and over again and you kept signing "Draco I'm okay"

Then Fleur came up empty handed and you were looking at the lake like "DRACO. BABE. DO SOMETHING. PLEASE."

And because Draco would literally go to hell and back for you he jumped right back in.

He came back up with the kid and you were so happy that he did that and almost tackled him right back into the water.

He was smiling and holding you close.

Warming up in the Slytherin common room with cocoa and talking to the group

Slytherins watching you all like "Gryffindors aren't supposed to be in here--" and then all of you plotting their deaths in your heads.

Slytherin just becoming used to them being there.

Try saying no to you. Like truly. Do you want to be that asshole?

Draco asking you to the Yule during the dance course

You nodding enthusiastically and making him laugh before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Him seeing you and nearly dropping to the ground.

Him enthusiastically signing "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL"

Your smile not leaving you the entire night

Draco signing "I love you" for the first time

You signing "I love you" back.

Draco going into his last trial and literally screaming like a little girl when that maze seemed to reach out and almost grab him.

Draco running and somehow finding the cup and winning.

You kissed him of course because CELEBRATION BIATCH

Slytherin celebrating but you and Draco slipping away and celebrating with the group instead.

Draco giving the money to Fred and George because he literally does not need more money.

Now that a bigger group knew sign language you were able to take other classes that wasn't limited to what Draco could do

Most of your classes were still with him though but you did enjoy herbology

You were literally the only student who didn't need ear muffs during the Mandrake lesson.

You actually loved herbology

You met your friend Neville there.

And then you met Luna

Both of which already knew sign language.

They were your buddies and you loved being around them

Your final year was approaching and you were taking an extra class but no one knew what for

You wouldn't tell the group, all they knew is that Dumbledore and Mcgonagall were both in on this.

Then there was one morning where the group was eating breakfast.

"Hi." You yawned and everyone didn't think anything of it until they realized.

You just spoke. Like... Verbally.

Everyone lost their shit and found out your were doing speech therapy.

You were a little insecure about your voice but Draco thought it was ADORABLE.

Your last year approached and while you rarely spoke it was still nice to see that you were doing things outside your comfort zone.

So graduation happened and Draco was talking about the future and something very unexpected happened.

You were watching this boy sign enthusiastically about how he loved you to James and the marauders and you just..

"Draco will you marry me?" You asked.

Everyone looked at you surprised and Draco smiled.

He said yes of course and so you got married

You, Fred and George all worked together.

You made their potions and grew whatever herbs they needed

Draco became a healer (I am absolutely convinced he does this after graduation) and starts a push for more accessible options for possible deaf students at hogwarts

You guys have a kid, Scorpius who is fluent in sign language (he's not deaf though)

James is the babysitter. You don't even have to pay the man

Just call him "Hey James we need you to watch our kid"

And he'll show up like "My daughter has called me"

Fred and George love seeing you happy when you work at the shop

Draco will occasionally pop in for a visit during the summer and he'll help out too.

You may have had a couple of mandrake accidents.

You kind of forget that the plants make noise and when you move the baby plants it knocks people out.

But it's okay because you never forget with the adult mandrakes for some reason.

Neville and Luna some times help out with you and you all have fun

Neville always faints for some reason.

"Didn't I give him ear muffs?" "He just fainted." "Again?"

You love to just look at your family when they're over.

Draco, Scorpius, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, James, Lily, Lucius, Narcissa, your mom, your dad, Luna, Neville, Molly, Arthur, Remus, Sirius, Peter... All of them... You loved the crap out of all of these idiots

Yes. They're idiots

But they're your idiots.

[aprilsrant]

Be brave, little wizard.

PAIRING: Neville Longbottom x Aunt!Reader (platonic, of course) | Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader.

SUMMARY: (Y/N) and Alice have been best friends since they were kids, way before Hogwarts. After everythin that happened to her and Frank, (Y/N) is the one that takes care of Neville.

WORD COUNT: 2,9k

WARNINGS: pretty sad, angst, character death, change of canon (big detail but i think it was necessary), mentions of Neville’s parents being tortured, reader kills someone, ups. If there are more and there aren’t here, please tell me.

A/N: This took me ages to even start and I’m really sorry, but now that’s here I feel so proud of it. This has to be the fic of my own that I love the most even if I broke my own heart while writing it. The end is kind of rush because it was almost 3am, sorry.

English is not my first language.

MASTERLIST | WORK IN PROGRESS.

Gif below is not mine.

One could never find Alice Fortescue and (Y/N) (Y/L/N) far away from one another, one of them would always follow the other. Both girls became joined by the hip after a particularly hot day in July when (Y/N) and her family visited the Ice Cream Parlour on Diagon Alley, owned by Alice’s uncle, Florean. 

After that, Alice and (Y/N) did everything together meaning it wasn’t a surprise to anyone that their friendship only grew stronger on their days at Hogwarts. They had their fair share of fights of course, people always do, whether the matter is relevant or silly, but they knew better: arguments happen and proving your point might be important, but friendships hold more value than being right. 

Although the Wizarding World was turning more dark and dangerous with every passing second because of Voldemort’s hunger for power and his ruthless Death Eaters hunting down muggleborns and what they liked to call blood traitors, Alice and (Y/N) still tried to find joy and happiness in the littlest of things, exciting over Alice and Frank’s wedding, daydreaming about the day they could get a proper and big ceremony, instead of a small gathering with the closest of friends and family members. 

On July, 30th of 1980, (Y/N) understood what Alice was to her. The girl with the plump, always happy looking face was, not only her closest confidant, but her sister as well. They may not have been related by blood, yet they loved each other like family. Thick as thieves, as the muggles would say.

(Y/N) had barely sat in the brown, ugly chair beside her best friend’s hospital bed, with her newborn boy asleep and unaware of the silent tears running through both of the girl’s cheeks, when Alice confided. 

“We want you to be Neville’s Godmother.”

Her eyes stopped looking at the baby boy tucked in her arms to glance towards Alice’s direction, who was now being hugged from behind by Frank, both of them with large grins on their faces and reassuring expressions.

“M-Me?”

“Well, of course you, (Y/N)!,” exclaimed Frank before letting go of Alice for a second and getting shushed by both of them to keep him from disturbing Neville, “you are practically Alice’s sister after so many years of friendship,” he continued, now in a more quiet voice.

“He’s right, you are my sister and I can’t think of anyone else being better than you as his godmother.”

Several hours later, Harry Potter, son of Lily Evans and James Potter, was born. (Y/N) had gone to their room a day after to deliver her congratulations along with the ones from Alice and Frank, encountering Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew hunched down over the crib in which Harry was sleeping peacefully, staring at his small frame and his tiny chest barely rising with every breath. 

None of them imagined how fast things could change for the worse. 

(Y/N) knew Alice’s choice of career was dangerous, being an Auror was never an easy task but with Death Eaters and Voldemort bringing chaos and destruction to their world, the job was even harder. Still, she never thought she would be escorted to St. Mungo’s after receiving the news that her best friend, her sister, and her husband had been tortured by a group of blood supremacists seeking for their Master, not after also learning about the Potter’s deaths and how they’d been betrayed.  

A healer explained to her what had happened to them, but she didn’t care, she didn’t want to listen; she didn’t have the strength for it. She could only sit beside Alice and grab her hand, and cry and beg someone, anyone, to bring her back. 

“Alice, please, I need you, please,” (Y/N) repeated between sobs, almost like a mantra, ”Neville needs you, he is your son and- and he needs his mother, please, Alice. You can’t leave us.”

During her fourth day in the hospital, which she would only leave to eat and shower because of Augusta Longbottom’s insistence, a diveleshed Remus Lupin walked through the doors of the Janus Thickey Ward. He sat down beside (Y/N) and neither of them talked for a long time, until Remus decided he needed to say something.

“I don’t have much to say, (Y/N), but I know how close you were and I’m so sorry,” the boy whispered while reaching to grab her hand in an attempt to comfort her.

“I’m sorry too, Remus,” she whispered back, biting her lip and trying to not cry again,” neither of them deserved this.”

Neither did us, the pair thought.

“Where is Harry?,” (Y/N) asked him, suddenly remembering that the Potters had left a child too, “is he staying with you?”

“N-No, no. He is with Lily’s sister,” Remus answered after swallowing harshly, “what about Neville?”

“Augusta, Frank’s mum, will take care of him.” (Y/N) glanced over the old woman sitting beside her son while her grandchild rested on his crib. “I’ve been thinking about asking her if I can move in with them, I- I don’t feel like being alone right now.”

“You are always welcomed to visit me,” he assured in a low voice, as if he wasn’t sure of how she would react, “I know we weren’t the closest of friends back in Hogwarts, but- but you can count with me, we can count with each other.”

The sixteen year old (Y/N) would have been a stuttering mess if Remus Lupin had said that to her back in their sixth year at Hogwarts. Alice would have laughed at her embarrassed expression, joked about her sweaty hands and insisted that the Gryffindor returned her feelings, to which she would refuse to accept.

Now her best friend was in the hospital, a place she could never leave, her husband in the same condition and their son would have to grow up without his parents. She would have the chance to watch Neville first steps, to hear his first words, to celebrate the arrival of his Hogwarts letter at the age of eleven, to compliment his achievements, to just be there for him every time he’ll need it. It wasn’t fair and she would give her soul in an instant to anyone that claimed they could bring Alice and Frank back, even if it meant not seeing them again.

Taking care of Neville was easier than (Y/N) had expected. He’d only cry if he was hungry or if his diapers needed change, and for moments the woman wished for him to be more like the kind of babies who won’t let you sit down and relax, so then she wouldn’t have to force herself to block the blinding rage, the never ending desire for vengeance and, the worst of all, the guilt sinking down in her stomach and numbing her mind every single time Neville would look at her and smile, or whenever a giggle would escape his mouth after watching (Y/N) conjure tiny, golden lights with her wand. 

The first time Neville properly talked, which meant he didn’t just babble like he usually did, (Y/N) swallowed all of her tears in front of Augusta and only let them out behind her room’s closed door after dinner. That same night, she sent a message through her Patronus to Remus, asking if she could Apparate in his flat right away. When she received an affirmative answer, she didn’t waste any time, quickly informing Augusta where she was going in case of an emergency.

The minute she was in front of his door, she’d started to regret her decision. What was she thinking? They weren’t particularly close, they would see each other from time to time since he would visit Neville once or twice every two weeks and he would go with her to see Alice and Frank, but never really talked about the important things, just making light conversation and asking each other how they were doing, both of them knowing that neither would answer the question truthfully.

After coming to the conclusion that she needed to do this, needed someone to confide in, (Y/N) raised her fist and knocked on the door two times, waited, and knocked again —his idea so they could know it was the other behind the door—. 

On the other side of the threshold was Remus Lupin with his wand pointed towards her.

“Bowtruckle,” she said confidently, although her hand was clutching tightly around her wand.

“Thunderbird.”

She loathed the idea of having safe words, but he had insisted on it because of the few Death Eaters still on the run and causing havoc. Even if she’ll never mention it to him, the second the word she had picked up for him to say left his mouth, tranquility invaded her system, calming down most of her fears. 

“We could have chosen better words,” (Y/N) commented while she entered his apartment, which looked like he had tried to tidy everything up before her arrival but had failed miserably. The space was small, not a problem since he lived alone, but that meant you could see all of the rooms. There were mugs on every surface, clothes thrown over the sofa and a bin filled to the top with chocolate wrappers. 

“The whole place is a mess, I’m sorry,” he rushed to say while flicking his wand and enchanted the cups to clean themselves, different items of clothes, mostly sweaters, flew across the flat and ended up in the laundry basket, “I-I wasn’t expecting you to come today.”

“It’s good, Remus, I don’t mind,” (Y/N) assured, following him and sitting down on the maroon sofa that occupied pretty much all of the living room, “I should be the one apologising for showing up with such short notice and at this hour, but I… I guess I needed someone to talk to.”

“Oh, okay. Did something happen? Is Neville alright?”

“Yes, yes, he’s fine, brilliant actually,” she answered quickly to not worry him,” the thing is, he said his first word today and, and, well, he called me mum.”

“And now you feel guilty,” Remus assumed. (Y/N) had filled with tears once more, blurring her sight and dripping down her cheeks. When she started to sob, shaking her shoulders while her hands tried to muffle the sounds, Remus understood it wasn’t just guilt, but the grief she hadn’t let herself experience. Pulling her closer to him, Remus rested his chin on top of her head while his arms embraced her figure.

“I- I don’t know what to do, Remus,” she whimpered, “I’m not, I’m not trying to replace her, I swear.” Her hands found his old, forest green sweater, fingers clutching desperately to the fabric while her cries increased. “I could never replace her.”

“You are not replacing Alice, (Y/N),” he denied. His fingertips rubbing her arm tenderly, knowing nothing would be enough to comfort but still trying, just for her to know he was there. “You’re doing your best and there’s nothing wrong with Neville seeing you as a mother figure.”

“I don’t want him to,” the words left her mouth in a whisper, as if she was scared of what Remus would think of her for saying them out loud, for crossing her mind, “I shouldn’t be his mother figure because she should be here. She should be the one to feed him, to play with him, to get to know him and- and she is not, she is not here, Remus.”

Neville is four years old when he asks his Auntie (Y/N), because yes, he understands that she is not her mother, about the middle size portrait hung in the living room. The little boy doesn’t recognise the man nor the woman carrying a baby painted in it, for they don’t like his aunt, or granny or Remus, (Y/N)’s friend who always gives him chocolate when Augusta is not in the room.

(Y/N)’s heart beats loudly after hearing her godson’s question, the tightness in her chest making her feel trapped. Sitting down Neville beside her on the sofa, she glanced down to the boy, who was the spitting image of Alice.

“The people in the picture are your parents, Nev,” (Y/N) began in a soft tone, her fingers playing tenderly with the curls of his brown hair, “and the baby the woman, your mother, is carrying is you of course.”

“Why aren’t they here?,” he asked after climbing and settling on her lap, his head raised to look at his aunt.

“Because they- they need to be in another place.”

“Will they- will they come back, auntie?”

“I don’t know, Nev,” she lied while hugging him and planting a delicate kiss on one of his round cheeks, the lump on her throat growing. 

She’d hoped he didn’t ask more questions or else she’ll have to explain the tears. He didn’t.

(Y/N) wouldn’t dare to say that the pain and the guilt abandoned her completely, but with each passing year things got just a little bit easier and her heart less heavy. 

The first time Neville visited his parents wasn’t so terrible as she had imagined. (Y/N) had put him aside before entering the doors leading to the Janus Thickey Ward and explained, one more time, the situation to him, making sure he was ready.

“You need to be brave, little wizard. I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”

Neville was nine years old when Alice gave him a gum wrapper, something that quickly became a “tradition” between the two of them, mother and son. She would never recover and she would never watch Neville grow up and become a man, but such simple gesture showed him consistency and, most importantly, that Alice’s love for him could never be taken away from her. 

People would pity the death most of the time, (Y/N) had been guilty of it, but after everything that had happened she realized it was so much worse for those left behind. You are expected to overcome your grief and move on with your life, but the void and the mark someone is capable of leaving in you never goes away and it’s the reason why it hurts so much to lose them.

Although (Y/N) hadn’t been alone, Augusta and Neville would never understand her pain and she’d never understand theirs for they were very different. Therefore, Remus Lupin became her rock in the darkest times and she became his, confiding in each other during their most vulnerable moments. 

They would spend entire days together, playing with Neville and telling him stories of their years at Hogwarts; drinking tea near the fireplace during winter while discussing books, politics, muggle movies or whatever topic they could think of; celebrating birthdays just for the sake of Neville, who loved the cake and giving presents. It was clear that falling in love with Remus hadn’t been much difficult for her, it was, instead, getting him to open up and let her in his life in a whole new way. 

(Y/N) respected his decision, it was better to have Remus as a close friend and companion than not have him at all. She would stay with him on the days near the full moon —he told her after quite a few shots of Firewhisky and she admitted she’d been suspecting for a long time now—, look after his wounds and sleep on his sofa, because she could never take his bed in those nights (especially the rough ones). 

On May 2nd, he left her behind.

However, she had barely escaped the claws of death, her only thought being Neville and how she needed to stay alive for him. 

Bellatrix Lestrange was the last Death Eater standing, the mad woman fighting Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood and Hermione Granger in the middle of the Great Hall, while Harry Potter faced Voldemort all by himself.

(Y/N) didn’t know how or from where she had gathered the strength to send all of the three girls behind her with a swift motion of her wand, but seeing Lestrange, one of the Death Eaters responsible for her best friend’s fate, shouting the Killing Curse to the Weasley girl had ignited the fire she’d tried so long to extinguish. Perhaps because Ginny reminded her of Lily for a second, or because she was tired of watching innocent people die around her.

She was now standing a couple of metres away from Bellatrix, the one that’d tortured her sister into insanity, taking away all of her life. But (Y/N) wouldn’t become one of her victims, she wouldn’t be a name on a list and she wouldn’t let Bellatrix take another person from Neville’s life.

It hadn’t been easy and she should have felt sick of it, but the lifeless body of Bellatrix Lestrange and the roars of people all over the place, brought her a bittersweet feeling of satisfaction. 

Sitting down beside Neville after the final battle finished, she threw one of her arms around his shoulders and kissed his forehead, silently thanking whoever had watched over him. 

“Earlier, I saw you on the Courtyard defending a group of students from the Dementors,” he began, “and your Patronus was so, so extraordinary. What did you think of, aunt?”

(Y/N) allowed herself to smile softly.

“I thought of the day you were born, of course.”

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[aidanchaser]

Chapter 19: The Fox and the Hare

Table of Contents beta’d by @ageofzero @magic713m @ccboomer @aubsenroute @somebodyswatson

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Everyone Lives AU Chapter 19 The Fox and the Hare

Remus pulled his cloak closed around his throat as he fought the stiff winds that pushed their way through London. His bones ached enough after the full moon without stepping out into a bracing winter, but he ignored the protest in his joints. Not only did he want the details about what had happened to James, he was eager to see Tonks.

He had only seen his wife once since his abrupt departure back in August. The guilt for leaving her in the first place still ached if he reflected on it for too long. He knew that James and Lily were right. Tonks needed him, and he needed to be with her. If he, James, and Lily had not been caught leaving the Longbottoms’ estate, he probably would have gone straight back to Tonks. But James’ capture had changed everything.

They had lost James and Harry in a day, and though they trusted that Harry was safe, it was not the same as knowing that Harry was safe. Lily and Remus had spent most of their days scouring every scrap of newspaper they could get their hands on for any clues or sightings. The phrase, “no news is good news,” was repeated often, and though they believed it when it came to Harry, each day without news of James seemed to wear away a little more of each of them.

It wasn’t until they were finally able to connect with Sirius that Remus had felt comfortable leaving Lily for a few days and risking a return to Tonks’ house to apologise.

He had known he would be lucky if Tonks accepted his apology. Though he was still afraid of all the things he had been afraid of when he had left, he understood now that his fears were something they had to share.

Remus was not used to sharing the weight of his burdens with others. It was something none of his friends were particularly good at, but he and Lily had been forced to practice it these last few months. If they had not shared their anxiety over James and Harry with each other, they might have torn each other apart.

Though Remus did not think he deserved to be forgiven, Tonks had welcomed him back with an astonishing grace. Remus wished he had shown the same grace to Sirius, when he had betrayed him to Snape during their years at Hogwarts, or that they had shown each other the same grace with each other after the truth of Peter’s betrayal had been revealed. There was no knowing what they might have gained in the last fifteen years if only they had learned to forgive themselves and each other with half the ease that Tonks did.

Unfortunately, Remus and Tonks had not had much time together during his visit. Not only were Death Eaters watching her parents’ house vigilantly, the Muggle-born Registration Commission visited frequently to make sure that Ted Tonks was not hiding nearby. Remus may not have been Muggle-born, but blood-purists weren’t any more fond of what he was, and the Ministry was almost as desperate for his head as they were Harry’s.

So he and Tonks had filled their few days with as much as they could. His admission of guilt and his apology were all he really had the emotional fortitude for, but there was so much more for them to take care of beyond their reconciliation.

Once Tonks had assured him that he was forgiven, she had immediately begun planning ways to stay in touch. She was the one who had suggested they use the Times and had given Remus and Sirius their code names.

“We can’t use Moony,” she had said, “since too many people you went to school with are Death Eaters. Sirius can be the Black Sheep. He’ll think it’s funny. I’ll be the White Rabbit, and you can be… the Silver Fox!”

Remus had blushed and become suddenly self-conscious of his greying hair, but he hadn’t argued with her. A fox was better than a wolf. “What about Lily?” he had asked.

She had taken a bit longer to come up with a code name for Lily, but she had eventually suggested Red Hind. So when he had seen a classified ad in the Times from a White Rabbit claiming to have news about a Red Hart, he had known instantly that it meant James. He only hoped no one else had recognised the message and decoded the meeting time and place.

The other crucial thing he and Tonks had discussed the last time they had seen each other was her pregnancy. There was still every possibility that their child could be a werewolf — though Remus prayed to God, Merlin, and whatever else might hear him that it would not be — so they had to make sure Tonks had the right sort of care.

“I talked to my friend Penny,” Tonks had said.

Remus had looked up at her from his seat on the floor beside her bed. “What did you tell her?”

“I didn’t name you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Tonks had slid off the bed and sat down beside him. “She recommended a Healer to me. I know Mum said I ought to find a midwife, but I thought — you know, just in case — it would be best to have a Healer.”

Though they had not done much but talk for two days, Remus’ well of emotions had been thoroughly drained, and he had not had it in him to do much more than hum in agreement.

Remus was still trying to wrap his head around being a father. On good days, he was a little excited. He had helped raise Harry, after all, and he had the benefit of James and Lily’s experience. But there were still days that his guilt and fear overwhelmed him, and he wondered why he had ever dared to fall in love with someone in the first place.

Today was not one of his dark days. Today, he was excited to see Tonks, to hear how she was doing, and to know what she had learned about James.

A short walk from the rundown brick building, whose worn name labeled it “Purge and Dowse, Ltd.,” rested a copse of trees that guarded a steep drop in the ground before leveling out into someone’s residence. Remus slipped down the frost-hardened embankment until he was no longer in view of the street. He looked around for Tonks but a crack startled him, and he pulled his wand from his cloak.

She was behind him suddenly, and it took all of Remus’ mental fortitude not to curse her immediately as she threw her arms around him and kissed him.

Though Remus did not want to pull away, he remained practical. “Dora — stop — One of these days it won’t be you and I’ll end up dead for hesitating.”

She pouted, as she always did when he pulled away from a kiss too early, and wrinkled her nose until it was almost entirely absorbed by her face, then grew it back out. “Good enough?” she asked.

“And if I’m not me?”

She shrugged.

“You shouldn’t be Apparating, you know.”

“See? That’s something only the real Remus would say.”

“Andromeda would say it too.” Remus held her at arm’s length for a moment and looked her over. It was hard to make out any details about her figure beneath the cloak, but he thought she looked well. She was a bit flushed, but seemed happy, all things considered.

“You are alright?” he asked.

“Of course.” She started up the embankment. “Come on, we don’t want to be late.”

Remus hurried after her. “Late for what? I thought you had news about James.”

“Not here in the open.” Tonks grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the condemned shopping centre across the street.

It took everything Remus had not to dig his heels in and throw a tantrum like a toddler. Not only was he impatient for her news, he had no interest in entering that building unless it was a life or death situation.

“Wait —” he said.

But Tonks wasn’t paying attention to him. She led him around the corner to a window decorated with a set of shabby mannequins, half-dressed and faded by sun. She whispered something into the glass, then finally turned and looked at Remus.

“Oh,” she said. “We’d better do something about your face. May I?”

Remus was worried about being recognised, certainly, but that wasn’t his main source of fear. He didn’t know how to explain the anxiety that crawled up his throat to Tonks, though, so he nodded dumbly.

“I’ll be careful,” she promised. “It’s harder on others, but McGonagall always said I had a knack for it.”

As Tonks pressed her wand against his cheek, Remus felt the sharp, gaunt lines of his face fill in and soften. He could see the edges of his hair darken. He imagined she was getting rid of his most noticeable feature as well: his scars.

Once she was satisfied, she pulled him through the glass window.

Unlike the last time Remus had visited, in the dead of the night after the battle in the Department of Mysteries, the lobby of St Mungo’s was full. People crowded around on all sides and made a cacophony of unfortunate noises — retching, shrieking, singing off-key — but Tonks ignored the chaos and pulled Remus into the line behind the reception desk.

He squeezed her hand and focused his attention on exactly two sensations: steady breathing and her fingers laced through his.

Remus had been to St Mungo’s exactly three times as an adult. Once, when Harry had fallen into a Bearded Bramble and had developed a rash that was beyond his skill to treat, then years later when Arthur Weasley had nearly been killed on duty for the Order, and finally two summers ago, when Voldemort had attacked the Ministry, and James, Lily, and Dora had all nearly died.

Each time, Remus had been here at St Mungo’s because someone he cared about was in danger. It was easier to manage his anxiety about St Mungo’s if there was a larger, more pressing anxiety consuming him first, and if he wasn’t the one submitting himself to a Healer’s care.

He reminded himself that, in all likelihood, they were not here for him. Tonks had even obscured his face. There was no way for anyone they spoke with to know who he was, or worse, what he was.

When they reached the desk of the Welcome Witch, Tonks told her that they had an appointment.

“Name?” the Welcome Witch asked.

“Black.” Tonks said without hesitation.

The witch directed them to wait, and Tonks pulled him into one of the uncomfortable wooden chairs along the wall. Remus wondered if perhaps the conversation with the Welcome Witch had not been about an appointment at all. Perhaps it was another coded message. Had the Welcome Witch been the one to tell Tonks about James?

He took a moment to wet his lips before asking, “Is James here?”

Tonks shook her head. “We’ll talk where no one’s around,” she whispered. “Where could be more protected than a Healer’s office?”

He wanted to ask if they really needed to be here, if he could not just take her to Lily, but before he could find the words, a young man in green robes stepped out of the lift, glanced at the clipboard in his hand, and announced, “Nymphadora Black.”

Though none of those names were ones that Tonks liked for herself, she jumped to her feet and tugged Remus with her. As the young man pushed the button for the first floor, a high-pitched whine began to rise in Remus’ ears. When the lift doors opened only a moment later, Tonks pulled him forward again. But this time, he didn’t follow. Remus’ feet were stuck to the floor as surely as if he’d been hit with one of Sirius’ Permanent Sticking Charms.

“Remus?” she asked.

His mouth was dry. He wanted to remind her that she shouldn’t use his real name, but the words didn’t come. He wanted to tell her he would wait outside, and he would be there for her after this was over, no matter what, but those words didn’t come, either.

With an incredible force of will, he stumbled out of the lift.

The first floor itself had not changed since he had been here with the Weasleys during Arthur’s stay, and it had not changed since he was a boy. The smell of alcohol and antiseptic made him dizzy, and the dark paneling seemed to disappear at the edges of his vision, giving him the strange impression that the walls were disappearing as they passed — along with their exit. It was all he could do to stumble after Tonks and the Healer.

The walk was longer than any Remus had taken down this hall, he was sure of it. They passed ward after ward until, finally, the young man opened a door and led them into a private office. Remus could not focus enough to read the name on the door, but through the high-pitched whine in his ears, he did make out the young man’s words.

“The Healer will be with you in a moment, Ms Black,” he said.

The office was small and sparsely decorated. Most of the space was taken up by the desk at the center and a pair of chairs opposite. The only real personalisation to the room was a photograph of a sunrise hanging next to the window. The sunlight glittered on the surface of a lake as the photograph moved, but the sun remained on the horizon in permanent dawn.

Bookshelves lined the other walls, and Remus was able to recognise a few of the texts from Sirius’ collection, though Sirius would never have kept his books organised so neatly. Even though Remus was not familiar with much of Healing magic, he could tell that the shelves were organised into sections on anatomy, Charms, and, he noted glumly, an entire three shelves devoted to dangerous Creatures. There was more than one text on werewolves.

“Remus, sit,” Tonks said. “You look like you’re about to faint. I’m not giving birth yet.”

Remus fell into one of the chairs and forced himself to look at her.

He had been so excited to see her, and now he wanted nothing more than to run. He struggled to bring his thoughts into line, into any reasonable order so that he might explain himself. He tried to remember why they were here.

She crouched beside his chair and put a hand on his wrist. “Did I accidentally make you look that peaky or is something wrong? Remus?”

His tongue felt like lead, but he remembered, distantly, why they had needed a private office. “What did you learn about James?”

Worry creased her brow, which was an unusual look for Dora. She rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb and though she could not know how much it helped, he allowed the gentle touch to ground him.

“He’s definitely alive,” she said. “Cedric Diggory stopped by after one of the M.R.C.’s absurd little raids. Mum’s about ready to put traps in the cupboards, she’s so tired of them tearing up her pantry.”

Usually, Remus was fond of Tonks’ wandering stories. She included details about people that made him laugh or that simply showed that she cared. At this moment, however, he could only process so much information.

“What did Diggory say?” he asked.

“Some Snatchers brought James in two nights ago.”

“Snatchers? Why — how?”

Tonks shrugged. “Still working it out, but we — oh!” She abandoned his hand and pressed her palm against her stomach. Her face turned from worried to silly in an instant.

“The baby started kicking a couple weeks ago. Here,” she grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly.

Remus had been looking for changes in Tonks’ body, but they were far too subtle to observe beneath her robes. Now that he was touching her, he could feel the new curve of her stomach. She wasn’t much bigger, just fuller, but Sirius and Lily had both told him that the obvious growth would probably come soon. Remus just hoped he would be around to see it.

Then, beneath her stomach, something moved, pressing against his hand. Remus pulled away.

Tonks laughed. “It’s alright.” She reached for his hand again.

But it wasn’t alright. Panic thrummed in Remus’ every muscle and bone, and the only thing that kept him from leaping out of his chair and pacing the room was Tonks’ hand around his wrist.

The day had started out so pleasant. He had been so happy to see her, and so excited to finally have a lead on James. Now he was sitting in an office in St Mungo’s on the floor for Creature-Induced Injuries, facing down memories of some of the worst moments of his childhood and every possibility that the same future awaited his own child.

“Remus.” Her joy was gone. Instead, her voice was firm but gentle. It was the same voice she had had at the kitchen table when she had asked him to go on this journey with her. “Hey, look at me, please?”

He did. She bit down on her lower lip, pulling her worried frown into something closer to a pout. Her cheekbones were sharp today, and her eyes grey. She looked more like her mother than her father. She looked more like Sirius. He might have wondered if she did it on purpose, but the last time he had seen her, she had chosen the same round face she’d worn when she met him, the face she’d had when she’d married him. Both of those faces were Tonks, just as both his joy and fear were truly him.

They both flinched as something — the baby — their baby — kicked against his hand.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” she asked.

He appreciated the way she had phrased the question. It did not give him room to lie, at least not in the ways he was used to.

“I wouldn’t know where to start,” he said.

The door behind them creaked, and every piece of tranquility that Remus had managed to cling to evaporated as the Healer walked in. At least Tonks did not let go of his hand, even as she stood.

The Healer had short, grey hair, and she wore a lime-green smock. Remus struggled to guess her age. She did not look old, exactly, but she looked worn in a way that suggested her experience outstripped her years. It was a feeling Remus was familiar with. She had a pale but pleasant smile as she looked first at Remus, then at Tonks.

“It is you,” she said. “I wondered how many Nymphadoras there were out there.”

Tonks wrinkled her nose. “Only the one, which I expect is best for everyone.”

“I take it this isn’t a social visit, or you wouldn’t have made an appointment? I don’t get many appointments. Most people don’t plan on any of the injuries they get working with Creatures.”

The Healer removed her smock and used her wand to drape it on a hook by the door. She took a seat at her desk and eyed Remus curiously. “Are you the source of Tonks’ name change?” she asked.

“Oh — er —”

Tonks saved him. “Yes and no.” She sat in the empty chair with a bit more care than usual, and Remus wished he’d had the foresight to help her. “We are married,” she said, “but I thought it’d be best to use my mother’s maiden name.”

Remus thought that was an unusually prescient decision for Tonks to make and wondered if Andromeda had suggested it. He noticed, too, how she had not bothered to introduce him to the Healer. “Tonks” and “Lupin” were equally undesirable names at the moment.

The Healer’s smile was sad, like she sympathised with Tonks’ decision. “It’s certainly… unfortunate times.” She fidgeted with an opalescent pendant at her neck. “You still haven’t said why you’re here.”

“Oh!” Tonks sat up straighter. “Penny said you could help us. We’re having a baby.”

The Healer blinked at them. “I’m not a midwife. I can help you find one, if you like, but I work with injuries from Creatures. I deal with venoms, broken bones, and bites.”

Remus was proud of himself for not flinching when she said “bites,” but he did squeeze Tonks’ hand a bit more tightly.

“I know,” Tonks said, “but we have sort of… a unique situation.” She looked to Remus for help, but he did not know how to help her. He knew what she wanted him to say, but he could not give it. He could not out himself to a Healer.

Tonks bit down on her lower lip. “It’s just something we want to be sure about, and if the baby is, er — cursed — we want to make sure that we have everything we need. Penny said we could trust you.”

Though Tonks was looking at Remus as she said it, the Healer’s hands stopped fidgeting with her necklace. Her pleasant voice turned guarded. “What else did Penny say about me?”

“Only that you’d help us,” Tonks assured her.

Remus could see Tonks struggling to build an argument that convinced this Healer they would need her without telling her what Remus was, and as much as Remus wanted to keep his identity from this woman, he did not see any other way to get what Tonks needed.

But knowing that he needed to tell this woman the truth, for the sake of Tonks and their child, was so far removed from being able to do it. He had spent three decades doing everything he could to hide the truth about himself from others, especially from someone like this woman in front of him, who had every legal authority to confine him. He did not have the courage to tell her the truth.

But, really, what secret was left to keep? His face was printed in every issue of the Daily Prophet with a very clear warning about what he was printed beneath his picture.

Remus sank down into his chair and did his best to make himself appear small and nonthreatening, and though drawing attention to himself was the very last thing he wanted to do, he said, “I —” The words caught in his throat as the Healer looked at him. He swallowed and started over. “I don’t think Tonks introduced us.”

The Healer looked at him warily. “No, she didn’t.”

Instinctively, Remus reviewed in his mind the distance from his chair to the door in her office, and weighed his speed against how fast she could draw her wand. It had not been long since his last transformation and parts of him still ached. He did not like his chances.

Tonks squeezed his hand again.

“I’m her husband — Remus Lupin.”

A new anxiety filled Remus, purely because he had no idea how to interpret the Healer’s response. Her stiff posture visibly relaxed and she even smiled a little. It did not fit with anything he had encountered before. Fear, anger, suspicion — even pity — were responses he was familiar with. This was entirely unprecedented.

“You look different from your picture in the Prophet,” she said.

“That’s my handiwork,” said Tonks.

The Healer tugged on her necklace pendant as she eyed Remus, and Remus searched for a more comfortable sitting position, even though he knew it wasn’t his physical position that was uncomfortable.

Finally, she pursed her lips and said, “I think I understand why Penny suggested that you ask for my help,” the Healer said. “And I understand why you were so afraid to ask. But Penny was right: you can trust me.”

They spent the rest of the meeting discussing Tonks’ health and pregnancy. The Healer, as she had said, was not a midwife, and had to consult a few of her books throughout the meeting. She never reached for her books on werewolves, though they touched on the possibility. The Healer was confident there was no recorded case of birth complications because of lycanthropy, but she admitted she didn’t know if that was because it had never happened or it had just never been written about. More impressive to Remus than her knowledge of lycanthropy was the care she spoke with. Remus had never had a pleasant interaction with a Healer who had known what he was. Until today.

They set dates for Tonks to check in with the Healer, and though Remus might not be able to be present for all of them, simply knowing the plan helped. He knew, too, that if they had simply found a midwife and left lycanthropy out of it, his anxiety would have remained wild and untameable. Having a Healer who understood them allowed Remus to manage his fears in a way he was entirely unprepared for. He had never met Tonks’ friend Penny, but he thought about sending her a very grateful letter, and wondered if he shouldn’t meet more of Tonks’ friends from school. Tonks had integrated into his pack easily enough, and maybe he shouldn’t be so terrified of getting to know hers.

As the meeting came to a close, the Healer stood to escort them out.

“Oh —” Tonks did not stand, even as Remus started to get up. “Could Remus and I have a moment, just us?”

“Of course.” The Healer held out her hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Lupin.”

Remus shook her hand, and it wasn’t until she was gone that he realised he had not gotten her name.

“Are you alright?” Tonks asked.

He nodded, and was a bit surprised to find that it was actually true.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I really thought we could get through that without telling her everything, at least not right away. Maybe I should have come alone, but I just wanted you to be with me for as much of this as you can.”

“I understand.” He ran his hand over his mouth and tried, desperately to put the truth in his words. His instinct was to tell her that it was alright, and everything had worked out, so what point was there in talking about what had gone wrong? But Sirius’ admonishments about lying echoed in his memory. He had to be truthful with Tonks, who did not know him the way Sirius did, and never would if he did not let her.

“I just wish you had explained before,” he said. “I don’t… care much for hospitals. It would have helped to be prepared, to know who we were meeting and why.”

An apology rose in her face, but she bit it back. She let his words hang in the space between them, and he could tell she was wrestling with patience as much as he was wrestling with honesty.

“Okay,” she finally said. “I am sorry — I’ll pay more attention. I’ll communicate better and try to at least talk through my impulses before I drag you into them.”

“Thank you.” Remus looked down at his hands and twisted the plain gold wedding band on his finger. He still had not figured out what Charm James had put into it.

“You never finished telling me your news about James,” he said.

“That’s why I asked for some privacy, so I could tell you, but I wanted to make sure you were okay first.”

He nodded. “I am, truly. Tell me what Cedric said. You said Snatchers were involved?”

“Yeah, that’s weird, right? I don’t know how James ended up with Snatchers, but they took him to the Ministry and he’s in Azkaban now.”

“You’re sure?”

“Thelborne got confirmation of James’ arrest and safe transfer to Azkaban. The Ministry hasn’t made James’ arrest public yet, but Cedric thinks they will soon. He said that it’ll be the best way for them to get Harry.”

Remus’ stomach dropped and the temporary peace he had found withered away. “I guess we should pray that Sirius finds Harry first.”

Tonks raised an eyebrow. “You think Sirius won’t also show up and make a scene?”

He tightened his jaw. “I’m going to make sure that he doesn’t. We’ll find a way to get James back, but we won’t do it by walking into a trap.”

She reached out and took his hand. He could tell from the careful way she traced the lines in his palm that she was preparing to say something difficult. He wondered if it was difficult to say, or just difficult to hear. Perhaps it was both.

“I’m going to say some things about Sirius,” she finally said, “and I do have questions I want you to answer, but you don’t have to answer all of them, or any of them, I guess, if you aren’t ready, okay? Is that… enough preparing you before I jump into something?”

Remus felt his throat tighten, but he appreciated her attempt at delicacy. He nodded.

“Did Sirius talk to you before you left back in August?”

Guilt flared. It was tempered by the fact that he was here now, that he had sat through a very difficult meeting for her sake. Knowing that helped him find his words again. “A little. He mostly admonished me for being a coward.”

“That’s not what I told him to say.” She frowned down at Remus’ hand. “You know he still loves you, right?”

“I chose you,” but even as Remus said it, he heard the denial. Sirius had called him a liar, not just because he lied to his friends but because he lied to himself.

“Why?” she asked.

It had been one year ago, almost exactly, that Sirius had pulled a very similar conversation out of Remus. Sirius had forced Remus to talk through his feelings, for both Tonks and Sirius, and had then denied Remus his choice. Sirius had all but insisted that Remus choose Tonks. Remus did not think he had made the wrong choice — though he had certainly doubted himself in those first few weeks after learning about her pregnancy — but he wondered why Tonks was bringing it up now. He did not think saying, “Sirius told me to choose you,” was the assurance that she wanted.

“Because I love you,” he said.

“But you also love Sirius,” she said. And it wasn’t a question.

He swallowed. “I do.”

The wedding band that James had given him grew warm, suddenly. It was not uncomfortable, but he pulled it from his finger anyway, and his heart broke.

Glowing script on the outside of the band read, “Moony & Dora,” and on the inside were the words, “Mischief Managed.”

How unfair, for him to solve James’ silly riddle and discover Sirius’ gift in an admission of love not to his wife, not to the person and bond that this ring symbolised, but to someone else entirely.

Dora’s hands closed around his, hiding the words from view and forcing him to look at her ring finger, decorated in two bands — his mother’s ring and the band that matched his.

“I’m not mad, Remus. I’m not jealous or upset, okay? I love you, and I know, with absolute certainty, that you love me. You’ve shown it in a hundred different ways, some precious and some obnoxious, but I know that you truly love me. And I know it’s been a lot of hard work for you to understand that I love you. I can imagine that it took a lot of hard work to understand Sirius’ love, too. That’s what I really wanted to say, that you’re allowed to have everything, Remus. You really are.”

Remus struggled to put meaning to her words. He understood them, of course, but to truly know what she meant was a hurdle he wasn’t sure he was ready to climb just yet.

“Christmas is just a week away,” she said, “and I think if Mum doesn’t get to see Sirius and Regulus, she’ll lose her mind, so take a week to think it over, to figure out what you want — you know — to prepare yourself, and then we’ll talk it over again.”

Remus was not sure a week would be enough time, but he was glad to have a different conversation topic. “How are we supposed to see you on Christmas? I’m sure the watch on your home will be doubled.”

“We’ll come to you. Mum and I can Apparate to wherever you are. If we’re lucky, we’ll get snowed in and won’t be able to leave you.”

She smiled, but he could not bring himself to match her joy. There might be joy in him somewhere, but it was buried under so much fear, guilt, and anxiety.

“You shouldn’t be Apparating at all,” he finally said, and she kissed his cheek.

Their goodbye was always going to be a bit melancholy — there was never any guarantee they would see each other again — but it was much more subdued than Remus would have liked. He did insist on Apparating Tonks home, to make sure she didn’t Splinch herself or the baby still growing inside of her, before Apparating back to the place he, Sirius, Lily, and Regulus had been hiding out in since the last full moon.

The winds were stronger out in the countryside, and the cold sharper. Remus shivered and hurried through the protective barriers around their hidden camp and into the safety of the Potters’ tent.

Warmth and the smell of freshly brewed tea hit him immediately. He heard Sirius’ voice, and his heart rate doubled with both the joy of knowing Sirius was home safe, and the anxiety left by Tonks’ parting advice.

Then, he heard an unexpected voice, and his anxiety vanished instantly, replaced with all-consuming wonder and joy. Though he was nearly dizzy with happiness, Remus ran from the small entrance to the curtained-off kitchen. He barely had time to take in the dark messy hair and thick glasses before Harry was in his arms.

Remus held him tightly, unsure that this moment was real. He wondered, briefly, if this entire day had been a dream. Had he really met Tonks? Met a Healer who had been kind, knowing what he was? Had his wife really suggested it was alright for him to still love Sirius? Was Harry really, truly here? Was he safe?

He opened his eyes and looked at Sirius and Lily, still seated at the table with patient smiles. Surely they had been just as overwhelmed to see Harry.

“Where?” he mouthed to Sirius.

When he finally could let Harry go without being afraid that Harry would disappear before his eyes, Sirius told him how he and Regulus had finally found Harry at Privet Drive.

Lily handed Remus a cup of tea. “They came back as soon as Sirius found Tonks’ message in the Times today. Which, speaking of, what did you find out?” Her eagerness for news of James was so thinly restrained that Remus hurriedly shared what Tonks had told him about James, how he had been taken to the Ministry by Snatchers.

“But that doesn’t make sense,” Harry said. “Why would Vol —”

“No!” Remus and Sirius shouted at once as Lily also said, “Harry, don’t —”

Harry tensed, startled by their sudden outburst. “What?”

Lily’s voice shook as she explained. “The Ministry has put a Taboo on the name. Anyone who uses it will immediately draw the attention of Snatchers.”

“It’s probably the most intelligent thing they’ve done to track down the Order and other supporters of Dumbledore,” Sirius added. “Those most likely to use You-Know-Who’s name are those most likely to be fighting against the Ministry.”

“It’s how we nearly got caught in Godric’s Hollow,” said Remus. “They nearly got Mad-Eye last month, too.”

Harry frowned, but did not argue. “Okay, fine, but I still don’t understand why Vol — er — You-Know-Who would change his plans for Dad now. Why keep him prisoner and suddenly hand him off to Snatchers after almost four months?”

Remus had been mulling this over, too, in-between thoughts about Tonks and Sirius, and he didn’t like any of the answers he had come up with.

“Maybe,” Sirius suggested, “James escaped, and was recaptured by Snatchers before he could find us.”

“I doubt it,” Remus said quietly.

“You’re the one who said no prison could hold Prongs,” Harry said.

Lily’s green eyes were unusually cold as they evaluated Remus. “You think it’s a trap.”

Tonks and Cedric certainly seemed to think so, and Remus was inclined to agree with them. “If the Ministry announces that they’ve arrested James,” Remus said, “and if they publish a date for a trial, we have to let it happen.”

He was met with shouts of protest from everyone at the table.

“I know that’s not the news we want,” he said over them, “but the most likely explanation for why James has been moved from the Death Eaters to the Ministry is to use him against us.”

“What if we raided Azkaban instead?” Lily suggested.

Sirius shook his head. “That’s ridiculous. You can’t break someone out of Azkaban.”

“Why not?” asked Harry. “Regulus broke out of Azkaban.”

“Regulus is a cat! I know James and I can change our form too, but you think they haven’t added protections against Animagi since that’s how both Barty and Reg escaped? You think you can just waltz right in and find James amongst thousands of cells? Even the Death Eaters that broke out two years ago had the help of the Dementors. We’ll just have to be ready to take James at the trial, even if it is a trap.”

“Where is Regulus?” asked Remus. He wanted assistance from someone else willing to look at the situation practically.

“Said he had to run an errand.” Sirius looked at Harry, like Harry might know more about it, but Harry only shrugged.

“He hasn’t told me any more than he’s told you,” said Harry, but Harry lied the way James did, which was to say he lied incredibly poorly.

Lily drummed her fingers against her mug. “I still think I could do it.”

Remus sighed and shook his head. “As strong as you’ve gotten without the use of your wand, Sirius is right. We can’t take on Azkaban. And I’m right — we can’t get James at the Ministry. You know he’ll be furious if we lose even one person trying to save him.”

“We can’t do nothing,” Harry said.

“You’re not coming no matter what we do,” Lily said. Before Harry could argue, she said, “I’ve only just got you back from Merlin knows where, and I’m not about to let you run off again.”

“I’m not going to run off! I want to help Dad!”

Remus finished his tea while Lily, Sirius, and Harry argued. He was exhausted from the extreme highs and lows of his day, and did not have the patience to carefully talk his impulsive friends down from their half-baked plans. There was no sense in raiding Azkaban or the Ministry. They would lose, and if the Ministry got a hold of Harry, Voldemort would kill him, and that would be the end of everything.

While Sirius tried to outline a plan that involved impersonating Hit Wizards, Remus left the table and washed his cup. He listened half-heartedly as Lily pointed out, rightly, that it would be impossible to know which Hit Wizards to impersonate. Harry suggested that if he could get his hands on a broom, he could fly in and out of Azkaban, and Sirius had to explain why the wards around the prison made that impossible.

Remus abandoned the kitchen in favour of peace and quiet. He retreated to the bunk that he had been using these last few months. There were three bedrooms in the tent, and Remus supposed he would have to share this bunk with Harry from now on. He didn’t mind. He thought that might even make it easier to keep Harry from running off again.

Remus trusted Dumbledore — Dumbledore had saved his life in a multitude of ways — but whatever Dumbledore had left for Harry terrified Remus. Dumbledore so rarely left instructions without explanations. Even the prophecy had been kept secret for a reason. There was no reason, as far as he could fathom, why Dumbledore would ask Harry to keep a task secret from James and Lily.

Remus was usually the first person to suggest that Harry should make his own choices, but the weight of the world was a burden no one person should bear. Harry said that he had his friends, but it was obvious that Ron and Hermione weren’t here. If they were in danger, the conversation at the table would surely have gone differently. But wherever they were, they weren’t with Harry, and that worried Remus. He was not going to let Harry do this alone, anymore than he was going to let Lily storm Azkaban alone or let Sirius walk right into a trap set by the Ministry.

Maybe he was almost ready to be a proper parent after all.

He was just about to drift off when he heard someone walk in. He was familiar with the weight of Sirius’ footsteps and wondered vaguely if, for some reason, Harry had decided to bunk with Regulus, and Sirius had been shunted off to Remus’ bunk.

“Promise me you aren’t about to tell me Lily or Harry have run off to Azkaban,” he murmured without opening his eyes.

The weight of the bedding shifted as Sirius sat down. “No, we’ve at least agreed to wait for more news, whether from the Prophet or Tonks.” Sirius paused, then asked, “How is Tonks? You didn’t say much about her.”

“I thought the information on James was more pressing.”

“Is she okay?”

“If she wasn’t, I would tell you.”

“Are you okay?”

Remus didn’t answer. Not because he wasn’t okay, exactly, but because he was not sure how to tell Sirius about his day with Tonks and assure Sirius he really was alright.

“Remus —”

“We visited a Healer,” Remus said. He did not open his eyes. He did not want to see the worry on Sirius’ face. “It was fine. She was actually… kind. She knew Tonks already and she listened to our concerns. Then we used the privacy of her office to talk about James without being overheard.”

Sirius was quiet long enough that when he finally said, “You really need a Healer other than me?”

Remus opened his eyes and was relieved to see that Sirius was grinning.

“Have you ever helped birth a child?” Remus asked with a matching smile.

“I was present when Harry was born. And I didn’t pass out like James did.”

“I didn’t get the Healer’s name, but I’m sure you’ll meet her soon.”

“I guess if you like her, I’ll trust your judgement.” Sirius stood and stretched.

“Sirius — wait —”

He did, but Remus wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted from Sirius. He thought of all the effort he put into being honest with Tonks today, and wondered if he had enough strength left for this conversation.

“James said you designed the wedding rings,” he finally said, which was as close to what he wanted to talk about as he could manage.

“Everything alright with them?”

“I was just wondering how often someone really says, ‘I do,’ outside of wedding vows.”

“As often as you want to, I suppose.”

What Remus had wanted to say, the other half of that conversation with Tonks, slipped away. He appreciated Tonks’ grace and kindness, but he did not know how he could ask that same grace of Sirius. It seemed unfair.

“Why?” Sirius asked. “Do you want me to change it?”

If Remus really wanted to change it, he could do it himself. He was only stalling, working up the courage to say what he needed to.

“It’s just that… Tonks said something interesting. She said that I’m allowed to have everything I want. It just sounded a lot like something you said to me last year.”

Remus could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Sirius blush. He bit down on his lip to restrain a smile as Sirius’ cheeks turned red.

“I didn’t put the idea in her head, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“I just want to know if you and Tonks are… on the same page about it.”

Sirius looked away. His jaw worked as he gnawed on the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”

Sirius was a better liar than James and Harry, only because he had far more experience. But none of them were as practised as Remus.

If Sirius needed more time to think about it, that was alright with Remus. He had only had the last few hours to even consider the idea, and he wouldn’t mind considering it for a while longer.

The idea that Remus could have everything he wanted was a bit overwhelming. He knew that Tonks had not meant literally everything, but it was nice to imagine the possibilities of everything, of a perfectly healthy child, of James home safe, of Harry trusting them again, of the war ending —

He supposed that was the point, wasn’t it? That everyone else allowed themselves to imagine those things, so why couldn’t Remus? Why couldn’t he let himself want all of that and more?

The answer was easy enough: he was afraid. He was so afraid of disappointment that he avoided wanting altogether. He told himself that he did not want anything, that he did not deserve anything, simply because he was afraid of the moment he would find out he could not have what he wanted.

But he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. Remus wanted everything.

[sweeethinny]

I really need a sirius/hestia fic where he gives vibes of "treating everyone badly except you" at hogwarts (where they may already be togheter). I love the way you write💛💛

I'm sorry for taking so long, I ran out of my computer and I hate writing on my cell phone, and it took longer than expected, and I'm sorry ahahhaah

thank you so much for liking Sirius and Hestia, they are a great couple and I love to write about them, and I hope you like it <3

I went a little further and wrote something like "I treat everyone badly because I'm away from you and we have a kind of secret relationship", I hope you don't mind!

James never imagined that one day he would see that scene. In fact he once thought it would be cool, because he felt a little bad when he was the only one who brought up the subject of girls - at least the subject ''the girl I like..'' - and Sirius, Peter and Remus always seemed to keep any relationship they had hidden.

Okay, maybe Sirius didn't hide that much, but it doesn't mean that James was prepared to see that scene when he went up to their dorm, tired of another night as prefects with Lily - they were friends now, which James didn't like to think about too much because it left him with conflicting feelings.

He arrived later than usual, having chatted with the girl in the Common Room for a while just trying to muster up the courage to ask her out again - they had gone to Hogsmeade together in the past week, clandestinely, to get beer, but James wanted a real date now - and he didn't expect any of the other boys to be awake.

They all had a lot to do, with NEWTs getting closer and with teachers passing more and more homework, it was almost impossible to have an hour of the day off, and of all four, Sirius seemed the most irritated by that routine.

James had noticed that his friend was more sulky than usual in the last few days, first he blamed that they lost to Hufflepuff in the last game, but even when James stopped to think he remembered that Sirius was already angry before the game. And it was only when Peter pointed out his friend's mood that he realized what was going on.

He realized it had been a week since he had seen Hestia around, not near them at least. James still saw her sitting next to Lily, talking and laughing, but now she wasn't coming to be with them like before, sitting next to Sirius as if no one noticed that he kept his hand close to hers, or that the two always seemed to share an intimate and almost non-verbal talk, looking at each other for a few seconds before laughing and Hestia blushing, denying and turning to talk to Remus. Sirius was going to run a hand through his hair as if he wanted to disguise that he was blushing, leaning against the couch and teasing Lily again.

James had even gone so far as to ask Sirius after Remus commented on how Hestia had disappeared, but the conversation didn't last long and James suspected that Sirius just wanted to keep someone's mask without feelings;

‘Won't Hestia come over for a drink with us?’ James asked, sitting on the sofa closest to the corner, the Common Room starting to get empty.

'No,' was all Sirius replied angrily, sitting on the windowsill, looking like he was in another world as he stared out into the night.

James didn't know much about the suffering or anything that Sirius was feeling lately, they never talked about it and his friend never seemed to care so much about a girl that he suffered when something went wrong, they were used to talking about James with Lily, but again, Sirius was great at hiding his feelings behind a mask.

James noticed how that day he seemed even more irritated than usual, silent as if it were a shadow beside them, not even seeming to notice when Regulus passed them in the corridor, which James believed was the worst .

A person in silence is always much more dangerous than one who is shouting what he feels, his father always said.

However, Sirius no longer looked so irritated when James entered their dorm.

He didn’t used to eavesdrop on what his friends were doing when he was late, far from it, James always made sure his bed was well protected from any noise that might happen eventually, especially when there were four other hormone-laden teenagers sleeping together, but that night it seemed unusual.

Sirius had forgotten an open crack in the curtain that surrounded him, on the side that faced exactly the window, and when dawn broke, the light would penetrate his cocoon and James didn't want to have an angry Sirius already at seven in the morning, so he went to close before going to bed. However, his friend was not alone in bed as usual, in the mess of blankets was another body hugged to his.

James knew it was Hestia before his vision even focused on her curly hair, he just knew. Sirius was not a guy who slept hugging many girls, and James very much doubted that now he would start adhering to this display of affection.

It was strange to have seen him at that moment, it was almost as intimate as anything else he could have walked in, but it looked even more so. James wondered if it was because they had all gotten so used to not knowing how Sirius felt, that seeing him hugging Hestia as if she were the most important thing seemed almost like seeing a new facet of his friend.

He closed the curtain as carefully as he could, avoiding making too much noise, Sirius deserved to receive that kind of affection.

SIRIUS

'Do you think any of them noticed that I came to sleep with you?' Hestia murmured when they were both awake for what felt like hours, but at the same time, which was like the clock was stopped so Sirius could stay a few more minutes feeling whole with her hugging him. He would never tire of that feeling.

'No,' he assured, tightening his embrace around her and sinking his nose into that tangle of fragrant curls. 'I said it was a good idea, didn't I? You slept through the night.’

'You are much better than a pillow.' Sirius was happy that Hestia still had her eyes closed, and her face buried in his chest, because he smiled from ear to ear, proud and a little too silly for that hour in the morning. He felt at peace, however. 'I missed you.'

'I missed you too.'

They were both silent, he didn't want to have to get up and face the day, not when he couldn't hold Hestia in his arms or hold hands with her, kissing her until they were both tired. For the first time Sirius wanted to be a passionate asshole, as James was with Lily.

Sirius had never wanted that so much as he did now, it was as if Hestia made him feel safe enough not to be afraid to show it.

The last week had been terrible without her around, he never felt so miserable. Not even when he still lived with his parents.

'I love you.' Sirius never thought he said those exact words to anyone, anxiety clutched his stomach making him feel a little sick, at the same time that his chest seemed to grow with all the conflicting feelings. A part of him didn't want to expose himself like that, the other part was afraid that something would happen to them and he would never be able to say that to her.

There was still a war going on outside, and each day was a new tension that surrounded them.

Sirius did not want to think about dying without saying that to Hestia, it was almost as painful as thinking about death itself.

Her brown eyes flew open, staring at him as if Hestia doubted she had heard that, and suddenly Sirius felt more suffocated than before, thinking about the worst scenario that could happen, thinking about her far away again, and all that loneliness he has felt in the past few days.

Suddenly, he thought that dying would be less painful than the silence that was following.

But then Hestia smiled, her cheeks a little flushed, a small smile on her face. 'I love you too.'

[honeymooneyy]

Valentine’s Day

context: Remus has been out since the beginning of the year, Sirius realized he likes Remus over winter break, it’s now valentine’s day 

James knew it was silly to be upset that Lily had a date for Valentine’s day. 

They weren’t dating - they were barely even friends. But watching Benjy Fenwick give Lily a box of pink chocolates during breakfast pulled at his heartstrings and he couldn’t help but sigh. Remus glanced at him before following his gaze towards Lily who was now laughing at something Benjy said. 

“Lily didn’t say anything to me about liking Benjy, it might just be a date because it’s Valentine’s day,” Remus comforted, bumping his shoulder against James’. “I can ask her about it later?” 

James smiled weakly, “It doesn’t matter, she wouldn’t like me either way.” 

“She’s warming up to you!” Peter weighed in from across the table. “She’s your partner in Potions.” 

“That was in the beginning of the year, not much has happened since.” 

“Maybe next year, mate.” Sirius just shrugged, glancing back at Benjy once more. “I thought he way gay.” 

“Sirius!” Remus hissed, glancing around to see if anyone heard. “You can’t just say that!” 

Sirius turned to him with wide eyes, “But I thought he was! ‘S not a bad thing, I didn’t know he wasn’t.” 

James snorted at their exchange, thankful for their antics as it improved his mood just a touch. Though he had been kidding around, Sirius caught James’ eye in a silent question and he offered him a smile in return. 

And though he tried to convince himself he doesn’t really care that much, James couldn’t help but watch as Lily left the Great Hall, her long red hair swishing with every step she took. Benjy was still next to her, and they seemed to be in some sort of intense conversation, but James decided to ignore him, instead focusing on her bright smile. As long as she was happy. 

Thankfully, Valentine’s day had fallen on a Saturday this year - so James could go to his dorm and not sulk instead of watching couples make out in every class. Deep down, he was glad none of his friends had dates, they could all be lonely together. 

Even though Sirius and Remus had been hopelessly pining, he knew they wouldn’t resort to making out in the dorm, so he was safe. And Peter, he knew he could always count on Peter to be mindful about stuff like that, even if he had no one to kiss. 

He had totally not been moping on his bed after dinner when Peter plopped down on the foot of his bed with a grin. 

When Peter didn’t say anything he asked, “What’s up, Pete?” 

“I know you’re sad, or not sad, or whatever. But that doesn’t mean we have to do nothing today! Remus had an idea, wanna hear it?” Peter asked hopefully, blue eyes twinkling. 

James couldn’t say no to him. “What is it?” 

“So you know that passageway that leads to Honeydukes? We were thinking of sneaking out and getting some fun stuff!” Peter waggled his eyebrows. “Like firewhiskey fun?” 

James brightened at the idea, “I like the direction this is going in. We going now?” 

Peter shrugged, “It only really takes two of us to make the trip. It’s easy for me to sneak in and get what we need, and someone to help carry it back. Remus volunteered.” 

James narrowed his eyes at this, leaning back to rest on his palms. “Why are you even asking me, sounds like you’ve got it all figured out?” 

“We knew you’d agree,” Peter assured, patting his shoulder and scrambling off the bed. “I think Sirius is heading back, we’ll be back soon!” 

True to his word, as Peter left the dorm, Sirius slipped in. In his arms were various different snacks for the night, and James smiled at the sight of his favorites. He helped Sirius lay them out on the floor, almost like a little picnic, sorting them out by each item. 

“Is this all because Lily has a date with someone else? I promise I’m not that hung up over it, we’re barely friends and it’s just a silly crush.” 

Sirius just laughed, tossing his dark hair over his shoulder. “Nah, we wanted to have some fun. Who knows what we’ll be doing for Valentine’s day next year. We ought to spend it with each other while we still can.” 

“And?” 

“Okay, and you looked downright miserable. Merlin, you’re whipped for Lily,” Sirius caved in despite the smile playing at his lips. He went back to arranging the snacks, shaking the hair out of his eyes. 

“Says you,” James prodded back at him. “Oh Moony, I love your vinyls, of course I’ll sing to you.” 

Sirius cheeks burned red at his words, “I thought you were asleep, you wanker. He was sad and tired and in pain, I was being a good friend.” 

“Right, because I sing to you in French when you’re sad?” 

“Why are we talking about me, what happened to Lily? You never had a problem talking about her for hours and hours and hours before.” 

“Exactly, we’ve heard enough about Lily. Anything new about Remus?” James propped up his face on his palm, watching Sirius. 

“I dunno. He’s still gay, I think that’s good,” Sirius started, obviously uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. “He’s not hanging out with a guy for Valentine’s day.” 

“You are so bad at this,” James groans at the lack of juicy information.  

“I’m sorry I don’t want to talk to you about boys!” Sirius exclaims. “Can’t exactly tell you about his looks and stuff.” 

“I have eyes. Remus is attractive,” James nods motivatingly. “C’mon, just tell me, I wanna know.” 

“Fine.” Sirius pauses, collecting his thoughts before chewing on his lower lip. “This is weird, but he’s gotten a lot more attractive since I realized I liked him. Like, he’s always been hot, ugh it’s so weird to say that out loud, but I dunno it’s different now. Maybe he’s always been like this and I just didn’t think about it?” 

“Mmhm.” 

“I noticed he blushes a lot nowadays. I can’t tell if it’s because of me or if it’s just something he always used to do and I didn’t realize,” Sirius murmured before mirroring James and leaning his face against his palms. “It’s really cute though.” 

“He doesn’t blush around me,” James smiled suggestively. “Maybe it’s something he only does around you.” 

Sirius didn’t really know what to say to that and kind of just stared at him before shrugging. “Blushing doesn’t mean he likes me. I mean, in the end, he’s my best friend. Anything I look into could be normal. I mean, you and I sleep in the same bed a lot, so what’s different about Remus and I doing it.” 

“I don’t sing to you in french, and he doesn’t read to me when I can’t sleep,” James reminds him with a pointed stare. 

“Oh my god, back at it with the singing? He said he liked it and it was after the moon, it wasn’t like that.” 

“You were in his bed with him and were singing to him.” James enunciates every word. “Are you blind?” 

Sirius swiped at his glasses, effectively knocking them off his head. “Says you!” 

Huffing, James grabs for his glasses and puts them back on, pushing back his dark hair. “Not fair. That was dirty.” 

“Oh hush, you drama queen.” Sirius rolls his eyes but it’s all in good fun. “Okay, I talked about Remus, now you tell me whatever it is about Lily that’s bugging you.” 

James finally gave in to his best friend. “Okay fine. I thought things were going okay, y’know? Like, she wanted to be my Potions partner at the beginning of the year. And I tried not to be overbearing or anything and I dunno, I thought we were kinda friends? And then she kind of just stopped?”

“Stopped?” 

“Like, she doesn’t ignore me. But she doesn’t seem much interested anymore. In being friends, I gave up on the whole dating thing for now. And then Benjy just comes in and they hit it off like right away. Kind of hurt, I dunno.” 

Sirius ponders what he said, nodding a bit. “I’m not sure, honestly, girls are kind of confusing. Moony’s really good with it, Peter too, his advice is the best. Maybe you can ask them when they’re back? There’s gotta be a reason, I don’t think she’d just shut you out for no reason.” 

“I guess,” James agrees, but he doubts they can say anything to make this situation better. Either way she doesn’t want to be his friend. 

Remus and Peter worked fast, because soon enough they were back with armfuls of drinks. Not all of them were alcohol, and James spotted a couple butterbeers in the mix. The weirdest though was this bright pink bottle Remus had tucked in the fold of his arm. 

“Did you get a love potion?” Sirius questioned, jumping to his feet to inspect the bottle. 

“No, it’s just a normal drink.” 

“But it’s pink!” Peter chipped in, enthusiastically. “Isn’t the bottle cool?” 

James smiled at his excitement, “Yeah, it’s cool, Pete.” 

Soon enough they had all sorted out the drinks and food and were lounging about the floor. A game of truth or dare had started up only to be shot down because there wasn’t much the boys wanted to know about one another for the truths. This time, there was more than one bottle of firewhiskey so the boys each had one, and it was working wonders. 

Peter had been telling some story when he ended up mentioning Lily, before turning to James with a sheepish smile, “Sorry, mate.” 

“You guys are horrible,” James groaned. “Acting like we just got divorced or something. I’m fine!” 

Remus shrugged, “It’s okay not to be fine. You’ve liked her forever, it hurts.” 

James felt as if he wasn’t just talking about Lily but didn’t say much about it. Instead he spilled the thought that’s nagging at him for the past couple days. 

“Do you think it’s because I’m-” James gestured to his face. 

The boys exchanged looks, ones filled with clear confusion. 

“You’re not ugly,” Peter finally spoke up, though his statement sounded more like a question.” 

“No, I know I’m not ugly,” James blew a breath out, dropping his head back against the footboard of the bed he was leaning against. “I meant that I’m not white.” 

A hush fell over the group at his words.

“I’m not saying she’s racist, or something,” James rushed to add in. “But I dunno, sometimes I think she’d give me a chance if I wasn’t brown.” 

“I don’t think it’s your race, more you being a prat,” Remus assured him. “I don’t think Lily cares about that sort of stuff.” 

James’ voice seemed small when he spoke, “Every guy she’s ever liked or been with was white. It doesn’t matter how attractive I am.” 

Sirius had scooted over next to him and threw an arm over his shoulder, squeezing his arm. “I think you’re overthinking this a bit. I mean, Mary’s black and they’re friends!” 

“Yeah, well she’s not going to date Mary, is she?” James shrugged off Sirius’ arm. “I’m not overthinking this. Tons of people don’t like people like me, it’s just a fact. I can’t ignore it.” 

Peter who had been quiet this whole time finally spoke up. “If she doesn’t like you because of your skin color, then you’re not missing out. Lily’s awesome, but she doesn’t deserve you, if that’s why.”

“See! Peter always has good advice about stuff like this!” Sirius points out, bumping his shoulder against James’. 

“I guess.” James just shrugged, eager to change the subject. “Anything new with you, Peter?” 

He began another story about something he overheard some fourth years talking about, and while James tried his hardest to listen, the alcohol and time weren’t on his side. At first, he decided that lying down and listening to Peter might make it easier, but it did the opposite. WIthin minutes his eyes had slid shut, face nestled in the crook of his arm. 

“Did he just fall asleep in the middle of my story?” Peter asked, thoroughly baffled. He leaned forward and was about to prod his forehead when Remus smacked his hand away. 

“Let him be. He’s having his own problems, let him sleep.” 

Peter agreed wordlessly, and Sirius scooted further away to not wake him up while talking. 

“Remus, you got an eye on anyone?” Peter asked, turning his attention towards him. “I haven’t heard you mention anyone.” 

Remus just shrugged wordlessly, and Sirius scanned his face for any signs of him lying. 

“No one?” Sirius questioned, his eyes zeroing in on the way Remus was fidgeting with the edge of his sweater. 

“Nah, no one. I promise,” Remus assured, raising his eyes to Sirius’. Sirius didn’t pull his away, silently challenging him. They stared for a solid thirty seconds before Remus broke it off, instead glancing at Peter. 

“What about you Peter? How’s your love life going?” 

Sirius tried his best to look at Peter but everytime he closed his eyes he could envision Remus’ warm eyes boring into his one, an eyebrow raised challengingly. Drunk Remus had a lot more confidence than sober Remus. As Peter began talking, Remus shimmied around before ending up lying on the floor with an arm behind his head, eyes trained on Peter. 

“Sometimes, I think I’ll never get my first kiss,” Peter sighed, pursing his lips. “It’s already fifth year, and I’ve never kissed anyone. I feel like it’s even more embarrassing the longer I go without it.” 

“James didn’t kiss anyone till Halloween,” Sirius supplied, trying to comfort him but it had no effect. “I don’t think it matters.” 

“But he kissed someone! What if I never kiss anyone, ever?” Peter covered his face with his hands with a groan. “I’m going to be seventy and still waiting for my first kiss.” 

“I’ll kiss you,” Remus offered nonchalantly, sitting up. “I’m good at kissing.” 

Peter’s eyes widened and he shook his head furiously, “N-no. Gay people are cool and all, but I’m not gay. No offense.” 

Remus snorted at the fact that he was apologizing for being straight. “Kissing a boy doesn’t make you gay. Think of it as practice so you don’t embarrass yourself when you kiss a girl you like.” 

Sirius looked between the two of them incredulously, “Peter, you’re not actually considering this are you?” 

Peter chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating it. “Er, I mean, it would be fast right? And no one would really know…” 

“That’s the spirit!” Remus grinned, seeming way too happy to help. He sat up properly, shifting around to perch on his heels. 

“No tongue, okay?” Peter looked awfully scared, but he crawled closer to Remus. “And do it really fast.” 

“Quit acting like you’re getting a shot,” Remus rolled his eyes before leaning in to place his lips on Peter’s. 

Remus didn’t touch Peter’s face or anything, but he did put a hand on his shoulder to keep him steady. He didn’t use tongue, but it definitely wasn’t a quick kiss. Sirius hated the way he couldn’t look away from the two of them, and honestly wasn’t quite sure what to feel - on one hand, it was the hottest thing he’s ever seen, on the other hand, he wished it was him who Remus was kissing. 

When Remus pulled away, he was smirking, looking very proud of himself. Peter was bright red and he leaned back with wide eyes, before returning back to his spot on the floor. He rubbed his lips against each other before shooting Remus a scared look again.

“I think some of his gay rubbed off on me,” Peter whispered, a blush still painting his cheeks. 

Even Sirius had to laugh at this. 

“What, was it that good?” Remus quirked an eyebrow, and his whole composure about it was so attractive - the way he had been so confident about his skills and how he had taken charge and, Merlin, the way he smirked afterward. Sirius couldn’t pull his eyes away, and then Remus was turning to look at him, catching his gaze. “You want one too?” 

Sirius immediately shook his head, cheeks heating up. “I’m good.” 

“Suit yourself. See, Pete, am I not a good kisser?” Remus turned his attention back to Peter who wasn’t quite as red anymore. 

“Well, I have nothing to compare it to,” Peter began but at Remus’ glare he shook his head, “Er, yeah. You are.” 

Remus grinned triumphantly, lying down on his back again with his hands crossed behind his head. The position flexed his arms and Sirius was once again staring. He knew he was being painfully obvious, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Remus was so attractive he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t do this. 

Peter broke the silence, “I think I’m going to bed. Should we just leave James there?” 

The three glanced at James who was sprawled on the floor snoring. 

“Yeah, I don’t wanna carry him into his bed,” Sirius decided, leaning over to pluck James’ glasses off his face. He folded them up and set them on the nearest table. 

“Cool, night guys,” Peter mumbled, stumbling over to his bed and shutting the curtains as the boys echoed him.

Remus made no move to get up so Sirius nudged his leg with his foot. When he didn’t reply, Sirius crawled over to his side, “Hellooo.” 

This time Remus just hummed sleepily so Sirius layed down onto the floor next to him, stretching out to stretch a bit. The plush carpet of the floor welcomed Sirius and he let out a content sigh at how comfortable the position was, no wonder Remus didn’t want to get up. Barely a minute passed before he grew bored, and turned on his side to face Remus, propping up his head on his hand. His dark hair fell into his eyes and he wrinkled his nose at it, as if it would help. 

“Stop staring at me,” Remus mumbled without opening an eye. 

Sirius scowled at this. “You can’t even see me. How do you know if I’m staring or not?” 

“Magic.” 

“Oh, shove off,” Sirius groaned, smacking Remus’ shoulder causing him to laugh. 

His laugh was soft as to not wake up the others, including James who was barely feet away from them, but was still joyful and it made Sirius smile. Remus’ face relaxed as he quieted down and he looked so utterly content that Sirius wished he could take a photo. It wasn’t often that he got to witness Remus so carefree and just simply existing, and Sirius reveled in it. 

“You’re still staring,” Remus reminded, a cocky smile pulling at his lips that made Sirius’ stomach flip. “Something on my face?” 

Sirius couldn’t be bothered to deny it, instead he brushed a finger against Remus’ cheekbone. “Freckles.” 

Usually Remus’ freckles faded as the cold crept in and would’ve been long gone by a normal February. Yet somehow, they had reappeared, lighter than in summer but still present, dusting his cheeks and nose. 

Remus hummed, “We took a trip to Spain over winter break and I found a spell to stop the fading.” 

At his words Sirius realized that he hadn’t been this close to Remus since long before winter break and that it had taken him a month and half to notice. Despite the fact that it took him so long, he loved them. Remus’ freckles were one of his favorite features about him, and to have them all year long made his smile grow. 

“They’re like constellations,” Sirius mused, letting his finger drift from Remus’ nose to his temple. Though the effects of the firewhiskey were fading, it still gave him a small confidence boost to even think of reaching out and touching Remus like that. He knew that Remus wouldn’t be so willing to be studied if it wasn’t for the alcohol. 

“See yourself?” Remus still had his eyes shut and the dull lighting of the room cast shadows of his eyelashes onto his cheekbones. 

Sirius squinted his eyes at the freckles, mentally going through every constellation he knew. He finally arrived at one and traced it out, “There’s Cepheus.” 

Remus didn’t flinch back but his eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Sirius, pupils blown out to adjust to the lack of light. Sirius realized with a start that his finger was absentmindedly tracing Remus’ face still and retracted his hand sheepishly. 

“Er, I should get to bed.” Sirius stood abruptly, turning towards his bed to avoid Remus’ eyes. “Night.” 

He had just sat down onto his bed and was about to pull the curtains shut when Remus called out his name, having stood up from the floor and hovering near his own bed. But when Sirius turned his questioning stare towards Remus he just swallowed. 

“Never mind. Goodnight.” 

The exchange was weird and Sirius wanted to ask what he was going to say but decided against it. Something about Remus’ gaze was unnerving, he seemed almost scared? 

What could Remus possibly be scared of?

[startanewdream]

All the time with you

Lily was avoiding him.

Which would be nothing new to James except they were dating for two weeks now and she was his girlfriend - she had said yes when he’d asked her, twice, so James was sure if that - and James had thought everything was fine between them.

It seemed like that when he’d meet her for breakfast - she had kissed him softly on the lips, her eyes closed a second longer when they broke apart as if she was still savouring that kiss and she had beamed at him. They had gone together to Potions class, but then, in the middle of class, when her potion was brewing, she had withdrawn suddenly, edgy on her spot, and she had briefly talked with Professor Slugnorn before vanishing her potion and abandoning class.

That was it. She had left with barely a wave to him, just telling him she would see him later.

But she wasn’t in the Common Room in their next free period and she hadn’t showed up for lunch either. None of her friends seemed to know where she was, which meant James had to resort to search for her in the Marauder’s Map.

‘That’s a little bit stalker, don’t you think?’, Sirius asked, his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face. He always thought it was amusing when James freaked out about Lily as if he could see something James was blind to.

‘I am worried’, James said, very reasonable. Lily was missing - maybe something had happened, maybe she was in the Hospital Wing, maybe she had met someone who was far more interesting than James and…

Well, maybe he was overreacting a little.

But finding Lily was easy - her dot was still on her bed, alone.

On the one place James couldn’t get to her.

‘Oh, Merlin. This is bad’.

‘What is bad?’ Sirius asked, coming to sit on James’ bed and following James’ trembling finger on the Map. ‘She is in her dormitory’.

‘I can’t go there - don’t you see what that means? She is avoiding me’.

Sirius blinked, not impressed.

‘I think she is avoiding everyone, Prongs’.

It could be, but not everyone was her very concerned boyfriend.

‘Probably she was just tired and took advantage of Slug’s love for her to drop out of the class’.

‘That’s it, Lily loves Potions. She wouldn’t leave class unless there was a reason’.

‘Tired, like I said. Aren’t you two overworking to finish that Christmas event?’

James nodded, hoping there wasn’t any guilt showing up on his face. Sure, the Christmas event was one of the things the Heads had to organize, but he and Lily were taking way longer that it was needed just because they had been too entertained with each other in the past two weeks - it turned out that the Prefect’s Room was empty if all Prefects were out in patrol rounds and it turned that James and Lily were responsible for defining those rounds.

All in all, they were taking weeks to do something that they could have finished in two nights - but it provided them a nice excuse to all these moments together.

‘Yeah, maybe’.

‘Just relax, Prongs’.

He wished he could, but Lily didn’t show up for Charms either - another of her favourite classes - so, under his friends’ amused looks, he went to talk to Mary McDonald, asking if she could ask Lily to meet him.

‘Sure, James’, she said, giving him a funny look. ‘But I think she just wants to be alone’.

‘Do you know what’s wrong?’, he asked, biting his lips. Alone, Mary had said. Alone sounded bad.

‘Oh, it’s just - you know what? I will talk to her and we’ll see’.

That sounded ominous too. He nodded, quiet.

There was another free period that afternoon after Double Charms. They stayed in the Common Room, and James was supposedly finishing an essay, but his head kept turning to the stairs to the girl’s dormitories.

‘You are going to break your neck, Prongs’, Remus noted when James turned once more after hearing steps on the stairs, but it was just two Second Year girls that had come down.

‘I am fine’, he said stiffly.

‘No, you are not’, Sirius disagreed, reaching over to grab the parchment James had been writing on. ‘You got back to doodling “L.E”’.

‘It’s short for Law of Elvendork’, James said. ‘The theory that says every object can be turned into another as long as the elements are proportionally observed during the transformation’.

‘You are making this up’.

‘I am making this up’, James conceded, ignoring Sirius’ look. ‘I am just - I wish there was some way of going upstairs -’

‘I know’, Sirius said, a grimace on his face. That was the only thing they had never managed to accomplish in their seven years at Hogwarts. ‘Maybe we can restart that project - did we try the Confundus Charm on the stairs?’

‘Fourth year’, Peter answered him, without raising his eyes from his essay.

‘How about our animagus form? If -’

‘First thing we did on Fifth Year’.

‘Polyjuice Potion?’

‘We tried to brew on Third Year’, now Peter glanced at Sirius, shaking his head. ‘I looked like Anne MacMillan for three days!’

‘Oh, well, she was pretty’.

‘I had half her body. The left part of her body. I had to hide it for three days!’

James almost smiled at the memory.

‘Half of you was pretty then’, he said to Peter, who rolled his eyes. Then James sighed. ‘Well, I can’t finish this essay today, so I will - Lily!’

He raised immediately, a hand grabbing his own hair nervously as Lily came down the stairs. Her face was pale and she smiled at him when she saw him, but there was something restrained on her smile.

James thought she looked like she was really uncomfortable with something.

‘Hi, guys’, she said, not meeting anyone’s eyes. ‘Can I talk to you, James?’

When he nodded, quiet and still, she raised her eyebrows a little bit. ‘Alone, I meant’.

‘Oh, sure’, he said, looking around for a quiet place, but Lily surprised him going in the direction of the boy’s dormitory. He glanced around, finding his friends equally surprised, and followed her upstairs.

Lily didn’t turn to him until they reached the top of the tower. There, she looked around the room - James was grateful that the house-elves had cleaned up their mess, because the room looked decent - before turning to him.

She wasn’t smiling. That didn’t look good.

James felt something pressing his chest, putting all pieces together in a puzzle he wasn’t sure he wanted to finish - Lily avoiding him, the grimace on her face, the way she was closing her eyes now and then as if to steel herself to do something and her request that they would talk alone, in a place no one could witness their break up -

‘Which one is your bed?’, she asked, stopping his reverie. James blinked, confused, and pointed to the nearest bed. Lily nodded. ‘Control your thoughts, okay?’, she said, sitting on his bed. ‘But lay here with me’.

There had been a considerable number of scenarios that James had imagined Lily on his bed, but on the verge of her breaking up with him was not one of them.

‘I think I prefer to stand up, Lily’, he said slowly.

‘We can’t do it with you like that’, Lily answered him as if it were obvious. ‘Just come here, please, James’.

He frowned, unsure, but he sat on the other side of his bed. Lily looked at him as if James was missing something very important, and when he didn’t move, she sighed.

‘Are you mad at me?’, she asked, sounding tired. ‘I am sorry I went away without -’

‘I thought you were mad with me!’, James interrupted her, shocked. She looked confused.

‘Why would I be mad at you?’

‘Because - yes? What else would you break up with me?’

‘Break up? Did you take that Essence of Insanity in class today?’

‘If you are not breaking up - why did you call me?’

‘Oh’, she blushed, the sweetest shade of pink colouring her face and James imagined he could feel the heat coming from her body. ‘I wanted to cuddle’.

‘... cuddle?’

‘Yeah, you know’, she put her legs on the bed and he saw she had taken out her shoes. Lily laid on the pillows next to him, her hand supporting her head. ‘Mary told me you were worried about me and I thought - instead of being miserable alone in bed, I could be here with you’.

‘You wanted to be miserable with me?’, he asked, but there was a shadow of a grin on his lips now. He took off his own shoes, lying in the bed too, and Lily nestled against his chest, closing her eyes.

‘It’s really hard to be miserable next to you’, she assured him, pressing herself more against him and inspiring heavily. ‘You smell so nice’.

With her lying so close to him, the scent of her shampoo so strong and intoxicating, James thought he could say the same about her.

But he just raised his hand to touch her hair, combing it softly, watching the strands of dark red hair. ‘Lily? Are you ok?’

‘I am, it’s just -’, she paused, unsure. ‘It’s cramps’.

‘Cramps?’, James repeated, confused, and then he opened his eyes. ‘Oooh’.

‘Yeah, sorry about oversharing’.

‘What? No, I - well, I want to know when you are not feeling well or - I mean - can I do anything to help?’

James tried to think of whatever he knew about female biology. His father had explained some things to him a few years ago and he understood the basics, but he hadn’t been paying attention very much if he was honest. Female body looked much more complicated than his.

‘You can keep hugging me’, she whispered and he pressed himself closer to her. 'Sorry about scaring you today. I just wanted to suffer alone'.

'Don't. I mean, I'd rather you don't suffer but - if you must - I am always available for some cuddling'.

She raised her head a little to place a kiss on his neck that gave him goosebumps all over his body.

'I will keep this is mind', she told him warmly. Then Lily sighed. ‘It’s been a while since I have this crisis… I usually take my potions the day before, but - well, I was a little bit distracted yesterday’.

She broke away just enough to wink at him and James suddenly remembered exactly what they had been doing last night on that empty Prefect’s Room - how he had pressed her against the door of the room, his mouth exploring her neck and any exposed skin there, how Lily had moaned softly and how that had driven him crazy -

‘James?’, she called him and he realized he must have drifted off in the memories, judging by how his body was reacting too quickly. He turned slightly, urging his mind to stop recollecting that moment. ‘Maybe now is not the moment?’, she added, a knowing smile on her lips.

‘Sorry’, he said, feeling his neck reddening. James forced himself to focus on the present. ‘I will help you remember next month’, he promised. ‘No distraction, Marauder’s honour’.

‘Maybe just a little distraction’, Lily said, winking at him again. He laughed softly, kissing her forehead, and she rested her head under his chin. ‘I will pay attention next month, don’t worry - I mean, you don’t need to know my cycle, James -’

‘Nonsense’, he said lightly. ‘I already know Remus’, what’s one more?’

She let out an amused laugh, the one that was James' favourite.

‘Well, wait until you experience my mood swings’.

‘PMS? Is that real?’

‘Very real’, she assured him. ‘I may need to hide again -’

‘I hope you don’t’, he whispered, massaging her neck now. ‘I meant it when I said I want to be there with you’.

‘I may get really stressed’, Lily warned him. ‘Like I may want to throw things - it’s better if you are not close’.

‘I have very good reflexes’.

‘Or I may get really sad and cry, and you’ll think it’s because of you, but it’s not’.

‘Then I will give you chocolate’, he promised. ‘Chocolate is the solution for everything’.

Another laugh; James smiled to himself, satisfied with her reaction. Discovering her reactions to him was really his favourite part of the last two weeks of dating her.

‘Well, you can’t go wrong with chocolate’, Lily agreed. ‘And this massage is really good too’.

‘Oh, I have magic fingers’, he teased. ‘I can show you’.

‘James…’

‘I meant a massage in the back, Lily’, he said innocently, and she chuckled once more, not believing him much. ‘Here’.

He sat more upright, helping Lily’s head on a pillow next to him, and started rubbing the base of her neck and then her shoulders, feeling the tension on her muscles and letting it guide him.

‘Hmmm’, she sighed. ‘That’s actually good’.

‘See? Magic fingers’. He kept rubbing her back, feeling her relaxing under his touch. He beamed - even after two weeks of them going out, there was still that disbelief in knowing Lily fancied him back and trusted him and wanted to be with him. ‘So, those mood swings - care to tell me beforehand?’

‘Oh, you’ll notice’, she said distractedly. ‘Two weeks from now probably’.

‘So - two weeks ago you were in one of them?’

‘I guess’.

‘Then our date and all that snogging later - just one mood change?’

‘Oh, it certainly changed my mood’, Lily said, turning her head in his direction and he was relieved to see her green eyes sparkling. ‘There were some hormones involved in kissing you, but I promise you none of them were fleeting’.

‘I’m glad to know’, he answered, grinning too. ‘Or else we would kiss just one week of the month’.

‘That would mean three miserable weeks’.

James laughed. Lily watched him, a smile on her lips that died when she closed her eyes, grimacing.

‘Are you in pain?’, he asked, worried.

‘It’ll pass, just some more minutes for the potion to take effect again’.

He laid down again, this time with her back for him, and Lily curled up against him. He put a hand under her head, careful to entwine his hands with hers.

‘You are so warm’, she whispered.

‘Is that bad?’

‘No, it’s good. I might nap though’.

‘You can - I’ll wake you up later for dinner’.

She sighed softly.

‘Thanks, James - I know this is not how you imagined us being in your bed’.

Her voice was heavier now with sleep, though he could hear her teasing. James let out a soft laugh, kissing the top of her head, and hugging her closer. Lily was quite warm for him too; there was something very cozy in being next to her like that, even if all they were doing was just cuddling together.

He thought of sharing nights with her where they would just do this - lay together, his arms around her, quiet and serene, and somehow those nights looked as appealing as the most creative nights he could dream of.

‘You are wrong, you know’, he whispered, but she didn’t move and James thought she had fallen asleep. ‘I want to be with you in every way’.

And he closed his eyes, letting her warmth and perfume lull him into a quiet sleep too.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 106: The Sorting Hat's New Song

There was so, much, pink. Nobody could blame Sirius screeching and covering his eyes or Evans looking like she was hard pressed not to start color changing everything in sight just to give their eye sores a break.

The couch was royal pink with gold embroidery. The carpet was piglet pink and so fluffy you could die on it or mistake it for cotton candy. Even the walls were decked out in a rainbow shade of pink. There were pale pink doilies on every wooden, pink-stained end table, only the book sitting open and waiting with its white and black pages broke the scene. James could barely recall a time it had been so visible, let alone open for them, like it wanted out of here as bad as them.

They appeared to have interrupted some tea party, a hot pink kettle was still smoking and strawberry pink scones were assorted neatly on an orchid pink tray.

"Whoever owns this house must be blind," Alice said slowly, turning carefully on the spot and spotting a hallway leading off to this sitting room. She took a slow, careful step towards it, still remembering Mad-Eye's house and what happened when they'd appeared in there, but nothing attacked her.

Frank followed her every step. They were definitely in some woman's house, an ugly toad-looking person who was in every picture along the hallway shaking hands with assorted people in cherry blossom pink frames. The new DADA teacher, they'd all have to assume judging by the chapter title, though why the Sorting Hat's New Song would be memorable in comparison they found hard to believe.

Peter had to take a piss but honestly feared what the bathroom would look like if this was the sitting room. Regulus was prodding his wand curiously along the scones waiting for something to happen, but finally he snatched one up and popped it into his mouth.

James was reading about Harry's trip up to the school with the same concern as Harry, where was Hagrid? Why was that Grubbly-Plank woman back? It was certainly a much more pressing issue to him than those creepy horse things Harry could suddenly see, but Peter and apparently other students had also been seeing them for years and they didn't seem to hurt anybody so he really was brushing past that, even as Remus was muttering at his side and peeking over his shoulder like he was hoping the book would give a visual.

If Harry's guess was right and he was still out convoying with the giants, then that didn't bode well for his health.

James had everyone's attention now when he announced the rest of the staffing changes going on, the toad-faced woman from Harry's trial being at the staff table.

Their suspicions may have been confirmed, but it cleared up none of their confusion. What was someone from the Ministry doing being a teacher there?! This had never happened as far as they knew, the Ministry didn't interfere in Hogwarts! Had Fudge's tyrannical behavior really come so far so fast?

Peter finally lost the fight with his bladder and took off after Alice Smith and Longbottom into the hallway in search of a bathroom as Prongs began merrily singing the new sorting hat song at the top of his lungs.

The rest of the house was just as ghastly, they really were going to go blind before they got out of here. He spotted the kitchen, with pink tiles and even stained glass pink windows, along with cherry-pink cupboards the other two were going through.

The first door he tried though mercifully led him into what must be her room, a queen-sized bed for such a squat lady with fairy hangings draping it, but his eyes locked on an adjacent door with a pink diamond handle and he went to quickly relieve himself. The toilet hummed a tune he didn't recognize and he loathed the salmon pink hand soap he had to use. Even the ruddy water she'd enchanted came out with the same tinge, it was like a nightmare!

By the time he was done James had read past the students' reaction to the hat's song, which had sounded nothing new to any of them, and the feast had begun. Peter let his eyes trail curiously about the room instead of rejoining them, eyes landing on several things. There was another door leading off to a closet, a jewelry box as large as he was prominently between that door and the bathroom one, and yet more plaques and awards. There seemed to be absolutely nothing about this woman that he did not dislike.

When Dumbledore unequivocally announced that Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic was to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Remus winced and tried to step behind James. There were theories, and there was confirmation, and his stomach gave a nasty twist at the idea of someone working for the Ministry also a teacher at his school. He wasn't even sure if the Ministry was aware he attended Hogwarts, and he certainly didn't want to find out!

Sirius finally stopped pretending to gouge his eyes out when he saw that and went over, throwing an arm over his shoulder and looking around to spot Evans and Regulus were still in the room. He knew he didn't need to anymore, but he still kept his voice low enough they shouldn't have been able to hear, "relax Moony, nerdy guy like you, they'd be mad to throw you out just because of your furry little problem."

Remus did marginally relax. He only had two years of school left though, what exactly was next for him with the Ministry looming over him was an ever-pressing problem he couldn't ignore much longer.

Lily noticed the exchange but didn't give it much thought, she'd spent far too long ignoring the Marauders to give a care what they still had to whisper about. She'd been tempted to follow Alice and Frank to explore this Umbridge woman's house, but was now glad she hadn't, attention fully on the book now as she listened avidly to the speech she gave, overriding Dumbledore's own.

Regulus watched as Potter got twitchy with boredom trying to read said speech, but he took in every word with an uneasy frown. He watched as Sirius grabbed the wrist of his friend who wasn't reading and pulled him out of the room with a glazed over expression, and the werewolf certainly seemed happy to get as far away as possible from all this. Potter watched them go with a grumpy look like he wanted to bolt from this as well before glancing at the Muggleborn Evans and droning on with his shoulders a little straighter, like bolstering himself to finish was impressive or something.

Sirius had him into a little dinning area that looked sickeningly like a tea party for a five year old and the wide, oak doors stained pink shut before James had even finished the first of Umbridge's very long sentences. He didn't immediately start snogging him this time though, just put one hand on the door for some kind of bar and ran his hand up and down the inside of his leg and slowly rutting against him as he whispered in his ear, "you ever given a blow job back?"

"No," he quietly admitted, a bit shamefully too.

"That's okay," Sirius' breath was so warm as it fell over his cheek, "I don't mind being your guinea pig, everyone's got to start somewhere. Just, rule number one, mind the teeth," and he nipped his ear, causing Remus to laugh hard.

"That's not a problem with me Padfoot," he assured, pleased to hear his voice almost steady that time.

"Don't think we have time for it now though," Sirius was still breathing improperly onto him and it was taking everything Remus had not to seize him and start snogging him. "Just, if I don't, feel free to bring it up next time we get a chance." He squeezed the inside of his thigh again but left his hand there with plenty of pressure. "I'm starting to feel like I'm harassing you. You're clearly enjoying this," he rubbed his hand up purposefully where his obvious pleasure was building and wrapped it around then to pinch his ass, "but you've yet to try getting me alone."

"Just, dealing with a lot," Remus panted, one hand pressed firmly against Sirius' back so he couldn't go anywhere, the other just trembling uselessly at his side as he half lied, and rather than admit the rest, redirected. "So have you, if you'd admit it."

"Where's the fun in that?" he pulled back just enough to grin at him in the hazy pink lighting, but that reasonably could have been his brain this time. "Bottle it all up long enough and it comes out sweet, I'd swear it," and he squeezed hard.

Remus couldn't stop himself then and finally let his other hand pull Sirius to him by his shirt, kissing him with everything he had and knowing he'd regret it later for missing his chance to talk to him and his reward was Sirius grinding so hard against him he couldn't think straight. They could hear the pause though, they'd definitely waited too long to get an alone moment, and both of them actually whimpered in disappointment as they forced themselves apart and stood there for several long moments panting at just within arms reach as they were zapped away.

When Potter had finished it was pretty obvious he hadn't taken in a word, he had to give himself a shake to even realize he was talking about his own kid again and Hermione's critique of said speech.

Her explanation for it though certainly caught his undivided attention. James frowned to himself as he played the speech over in his head again, even going back and rereading some of it without Hermione's repetition. His skin crawled at the idea, what was the Ministry playing at? No matter how much they didn't like Dumbledore's truth, surely they couldn't do anything too radical, right?

He glanced up and saw the drawn expressions of Sirius's little brother and Evans, and didn't see either of them looking much happier at the idea.

James paused and ran a miserable hand down his face when Harry's two friends went off to their prefect duties and his boy was left alone to stew in the school's attitude about him, and the whole thing continued to grow worse when he made it up to his tower and even his dormmates seemed to be talking about Harry. What he would give to appear at his side like he would for any of his friends, offer a good joke for the laugh needed for that long trek up to the tower. He absolutely did not like this recurring pattern of Harry feeling so alone recently.

He saw Evans twitching out of the corner of his eye, but by the time he looked up she was frowning at him same as ever, or glaring at the book. Either way he grinned at her to let her know he knew she'd been feeling the same way. For a moment he was tempted to try and get her to admit as such, but instead decided he'd do for her what he wanted to for Harry moment's ago. "Don't worry Evans, I'm sure just because that woman dresses like a toad every day they won't enforce that upon the rest of us. The other students will realize that in no time!"

It actually worked for just a moment, she cracked a smile he'd swear it, but then she flicked her fingers at him to keep going and he did with pleasure that only lasted long enough to realize Harry's own dormmates were in fact going to start an actual fight over this. Harry and Seamus were about to draw wands on each other before Ron intervened!

James glanced up and around to find himself once again the lone Marauder in the room, and as he read the last lines of the chapter, he knew exactly how Harry felt.