#personally i think beard deserves a cat !!!

[coachbeards]

beard adopting a stray cat ………. Yeah

[dekariosclan]

First of all, thanks for your sweet, informative and entertaining thoughts on Gale you keep sharing with us! I love reading them!

Sooooo... how do you think Gale would handle jealousy between spouse-Tav and Tara? After all, not every Tav felt instant love for Tara and vice versa, as can be seen at the Epilogue Party (which I found hilarious personally!)

Thank you!! I’m delighted to get to answer an ask about Taaaaarraaaaaaa! 🥹

I’m assuming everyone is aware of what happens during the rooftop meeting if Tav rudely decides to take the missing letters from Tara without asking?

I’m mentioning this not to throw any shade on Tara (I’m on her side—you want to act rude and steal from Tara?! Get burnt) but because Gale’s response is, I think, a perfect summary of how he would respond to any jealousy between the two:

(side note—as a cat owner myself, I can also confirm this is 1000% the most cat tressym owner thing to say, ever 😂)

I think that Gale, upon seeing a hint of jealousy from either one, would be desperate to not take sides and would try his utmost to cheerfully smooth out any tension between them. After all, he cherishes these two! His best friend since he was a child, and the love of his life. Surely he can help them see eye-to-eye?!

There might be more than one discussion over dinner, in which Gale mentions how “Tav was admiring your wings yesterday, Tara,” or “Tara was saying you did an excellent job organizing some of my rather scattered potion bottles, Tav.” Of course all of these discussions, productive or not, will end with: “And for the last time, Tara, no, I will not be shaving this beard, no it’s not because Tav likes it, its because I myself like it—”

But I also think any Tav that truly deserves to be with Gale would be decent and good-hearted enough that they wouldn’t be jealous of Tara—or at least, not for very long. Because it takes very little for Tara to be accepting of Tav! At the epilogue party, if Tav invites Tara for some tea and reassures her that she will still get to be in Gale’s life, Tara warms up immediately. Gale is her “little love,” after all. How could any Tav that loves Gale deny him that? 💜

It’s actually my personal HC that Tav and Tara are not only not jealous of each other, but actually become fast friends and bond over something that I think Gale would be somewhat chagrined about: their shared dislike of Mystra.

Imagine the commentary. The sly digs against the Goddess anytime she’s mentioned in conversation. Tara flatly stating she finds Mystra’s style ‘gaudy’. The snickering. The way that the small Mystra statue in Gale’s study mysteriously ends up broken on the floor. Gale suspiciously asking “What are you two whispering about?” and being assured it’s nothing, merely discussing the weather!

…Gale’s earring then somehow disappearing from his nightstand—where he’d placed it for just an instant!—and ending up in Tara’s litterbox.

“Oh dear, Mister Dekarios!” The delight obvious in Tara’s voice. “However did that happen? Well, we’ll simply have to get you a new one, dear.”

“Yes indeed!” Tav nodding vigorously. Smiling widely. “Clearly this was an accident, of course, so you can’t be mad at Tara, Gale. Shall we go shopping for one now?”

And Gale, his gaze bouncing suspiciously between the two of them, both looking absolutely delighted with each other, thinking that perhaps it would have been better if they’d remained enemies.

[hihhasotherfixations]

John Price headcanons sfw & nsfw

I don’t usually do headcannons so please bear with me 👉👈

I hope you enjoy them tho :3 Will I use many of these in my writing? Yes, yes I will. These are both in general as well as him with you ;3

Part 2

Sfw:

He has an entire routine for his beard. Keeps it trimmed regularly and takes very good care of it, which causes it to feel very nice and soft to the touch.

Absolutely LOVES when you’re the one doing it though. It’s a small act of love that he can never get enough of. Whether you’re the one trimming it or just putting some products in. It’s a moment where he can sit on the bath rim and have you stand between his legs - or the other way around where he props you up on the sink and stands in between your legs. He just places his hands on your hips and closes his eyes, trusting you with something so important to him. It’s a very intimate thing that he treasures.

He has reading glasses. I won’t budge on this. Square(rectangle) ones with a very thin frame. Tends to forget whenever he puts them on his head and proceeds to go searching for them for five minutes.

He is very warm blooded. Always runs hot like a furnace. A blessing in the winter, a curse in the summer. Especially because he loves to cuddle.

Has a little trinket on his desk representing each of the 141 (+ Nik, Laswell and Farah). Be it a gift they gave to him or something that reminds him of them. There’s something for everyone. It clutters the edge of his desk a bit but it’s worth it because whenever the paperwork gets too much, he can just look at the little shrine he built and smile.

His love language is physical touch and quality time. While he loves giving you gifts and being romantic too, nothing beats holding you in his arms while you cuddle on the couch or in bed.

Speaking of- this man absolutely adores you. He doesn’t think he deserves the love you give him because of the things he’s done in his life. But every day he sees you, you prove that you do love him and he wants to return that love twice over.

His biggest fear is coming home after deployment to an empty house. Finding a letter on the table stating you can’t wait for him any longer. He’d understand, of course. But it would crush him.

While we’re on the sad train already- he suffers frequent nightmares due to PTSD. Feels really guilty for waking you up but also can’t stop himself from seeking your comfort after one of them - craving it. If you allow him to (he wouldn’t bring it up unless you suggested it), he’ll call you if he’s out on deployment or at base. Give him that privilege to phone you awake just to comfort him? There is nothing that man won’t do for you anymore.

He is terrified of being the one to leave you too though. He knows that if he’s ever faced with the option to sacrifice himself for one of the 141, he would. But it also breaks his heart because it would mean he’d leave you for them. He tries not to think about it like that, but it’s a constant conflict in his mind.

While he’s probably more likely to be a dog person, I can also really see him with cats just curled up on his chest. Once again, this man is always warm. The little felines will search him out like a bloodhound, preferring him over laying by the radiator.

THIS 👏 MAN 👏 CAN 👏 COOK 👏

And he loves to do it too. His idea of a hobby is either reading, building models or cooking. You can often find him in the kitchen with a cook book, making a five star meal. Loves to see your reaction to the taste of it, makes him proud of himself.

Also, yeah, he likes building models :3. Miniatures. In his spare time you can find him on the couch, bent over the coffee table with his reading glasses perched on his nose while he’s building a ww2 bomber plane out of matchsticks from some random pattern he found online. He has very steady hands and it causes the models to always look fantastic. His best and biggest work is a ship in a bottle from a kit you gave him for an anniversary between you two. He only works on that in short increments to make sure he doesn’t screw it up - it’s about 2/3 done. You’ve repeatedly tried to get him to share his work online but he always gets bashful and refuses.

If he ever got the chance to do it together with the team though?? He’s gonna be beaming about that single evening for a week straight.

His favourite colour is dark green, like the forests :)

This is less of a headcannon and more just snippets of canon proof that I found. But he can speak English, Russian, Arabic and Spanish. Maybe even more.

He’s a tea person. Can’t stand coffee. It’s not about the taste, simply that every time he tried it, it gave him a headache.

When he first introduced you to the team, he was very nervous. Really wanted them to like you. So when Soap immediately took you into a hug and thanked you for ‘taking care of the old man’, followed by Gaz introducing himself with a warm smile and a praising regalia of the things he’d heard from Price, he couldn’t be happier. And when he at one point saw you at the kitchen table with Ghost, talking calmly and laughing with the hulking man who’s tension had dropped from his shoulders? He knew you were the one.

Loves going on double dates with Laswell and her wife too. You’re all good friends and it’s a chance to truly unwind and just catch up with Kate outside of work.

Please for the love of all that is holy, take a bath or shower with him. He ADORES them. Really wants so bad to take care of you. Will do your whole cleaning routine for you if you let him. If it’s something he’s not used to? Teach him, he’s very eager to learn.

All in all, this man just loves you so much. He finds himself so so lucky that you chose him of all people as your partner. Whether you’re civilian or military, he’ll protect you with life and limb. Literally.

So, those were the sfw thoughts bouncing in my head. I hope you liked them. Now we’re moving onto the spicy stuff. Please respect the banner, thank you and more stuff for this man is coming! ^^

Nsfw:

He is an ass man. All the way. Don’t get me wrong, he LOVES your thighs, seeing the way his fingers indent the flesh when he squeezes, being buried between them - it’s heavenly. But there is just something about your ass that he can’t get enough of. If his eyes aren’t on it, then his hands are.

He won’t randomly smack your ass - doesn’t really sit right with him, doesn’t find it proper (except for certain situations ;3). But dear god does he always have a hand on your ass to squeeze if he gets the chance. Walking somewhere together? If he can, he’ll slide his hand from your back/waist down to your ass and hold there. Sitting on his lap? You already know it, his hand is on your ass, keeping you in place. Brushing past you? One hand on your waist, one hand on your ass while he apologises and squeezes past.

A gentle over a rough lover. While he can go both ways, he prefers to go slow and deep. Watching your face contort in pleasure as he fucks you, hearing every noise you make.

This man is an absolute pleasure dom. He gets off on seeing you get off. There’s plenty of nights where he solely focuses on you and doesn’t cum himself.

Doesn’t like the word daddy but for the love of god PLEASE use honorifics. Call him captain and sir and you’ll have an entirely different man on your hands.

Prefers giving over receiving oral. There’s just something about working his tongue and mouth on you that never fails to make him groan against you - even if his mouth is otherwise occupied.

Will always properly prepare you. He doesn’t like hurting you. He’s big and he knows it so he doesn’t want to take any chances.

While he doesn’t mind quickies (in his office is a favourite), he prefers the actual thing. Like stated before, he wants to focus on you and give you all the pleasure he can and a quicky just doesn’t allow for that.

For those instances where you rile him up enough to forego his gentler side however? He knows how to work you. He can push every button you have and have you seeing stars while he fucks the life out of you. Don’t expect to be standing on strong legs the day after.

Man has stamina for DAYS. Prefers to make you cum multiple times before he cums himself. Need a moment in between orgasms to recover before you can go again? That’s okay, you can cockwarm him while he waits.

Speaking of cum. It’s thick, potent and by god he cums a lot. Properly stuffs you if you let him.

Big on marking you. Loves leaving bites, hickeys and handprints. Give him the same too. Scratch marks, bite marks, hickeys. He loves checking his body over in he morning to see what you left.

He has quite the libido on him. He can’t help it, you’re the most inviting and enticing thing in his eyes. Bend over to pick something up and his cock can already be hardening in his pants.

He’s very considerate of your wants and needs though. If you don’t want to have sex, he’ll cuddle you and hold you instead. If you’re not into a certain thing, he’ll refrain on doing it next time. Very much wants to make it a time of pure pleasure and love for you, because that’s what it is for him too.

Very into kisses. Sloppy, long kisses where you moan and whine into his mouth. Better yet if you muffle your moans in his mouth while he fucks you.

Favourite positions are missionary, mating press, doggy style, lotus and spooning sex. He loves them for different reasons.

Missionary because of how close he can be, feeling your legs wrap around his waist while all of him touches all of you.

Mating press because of how deep he can hit and keep such control. He can see your face contort in pleasure while folding your legs up and holding you down.

Doggy style is obvious as to why. But he also really loves watching the way your back arches with this one. He can hold onto your hips and just let his eyes rove your body.

Lotus he loves a lot when cuddles on the couch evolve into more, or when he’s in his office and the need arrises for you both. Just having you seated on his lap, your legs around him, body pressed so closely into his while he gently fucks up into you? Heaven.

Spooning sex? You mean cuddles + sex? Hit. Him. Up. He absolutely loves fucking you like this in the morning. Lazy, tired, properly waking each other up with pleasure.

If you’re into it and allow him to, he’d even actually wake you up like that. Big on somnophelia like that for the thought of pulling you out of your dreams and your sleep with pleasure. If he gets to the stage where he’s opened you up and his cock is filling you without you waking up until then, he’s oh so proud of himself. Would only do it if you’re comfortable though.

Very big on cockwarming. Watch a movie together on the couch and let him rest his cock in you from behind. Can evolve into spooning sex on the couch while making you try to keep your attention on the movie. His hand on your chin, keeping your face pointed to the screen while he whispers against your ear.

I said it before, he’s big. Long and thick and knows how to use it well. He’s a very hairy man all over but he keeps it neatly trimmed down there.

The h a p p y t r a i l of this man. Run your nails over it and it instantly sends blood rushing into his cock.

Overall, John will fuck you whenever he gets the chance. And by the gods he will show you what it’s like to be truly worshipped.

Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to interact or send me any asks, I’d love to chat ^^

Part 2

[cuddlytogas]

an incomplete list of terrible but extremely popular Our Flag Means Death takes that I would like to never see again please

(and I do mean popular, as in, lots of people seem to think they're canon, to the point where I feel slightly insane and like I was watching a different show to everyone else)

1. Ed's mum was loving and nice and supportive, if hampered by her bad situation

this comes up more in fic than analysis, to be fair, but good god, what show were some of you watching? this isn't to vilify her, because yeah, she's clearly a product of colonialism, white christian supremacy, and domestic abuse, but like. that doesn't make how she raised Ed good. clearly she was trying to keep him safe, but "we don't deserve nice things", and especially "it's not up to us, it's up to god", speaks to me of someone who squashes down any ambition on her son's part, has fully bought into the lies of christian colonialism, and tries to pass them down to her son.

as does happen in colonised communities, particularly among older generations. I know us white people like to think that every indigenous person is a perfect left-wing anti-imperial activist, but that's simply not the case, and Ed's mum is so clearly an example of an older conservative christian indigenous parent who had to believe the lies told by their coloniser in order to survive, but is now passing on that trauma to their children. and I just...

if I read one more fic where Ed's mum is a perfect loving supportive angel who always believed in her kid and always supported and protected him, I'm gonna scream. yes, it's sweet, and it's fun to sometimes veer from canon and give your blorbo nice things, but it's still veering from canon. and yet, I see very few people acknowledge that, or actually talk about the nuances of Ed's mother, and how she definitely tried to protect him, but was far from sweet, doting, and unconditionally supportive.

2. Ed's loving look when Stede is picking food from his beard in 1x07

like most of these things, I enjoyed it as a joke or exaggeration at first, until I realised that people were actually being serious. but every time I watch that scene, I see Ed looking absently-mindedly over Stede's shoulder, because a) that's what you do when someone leans in to pick something off you, and b) surely the point of the scene is that they're so comfortable and easy together that they don't notice the intimacy of what they're doing, but Lucius, an outside observer, thinks it's obvious. right?? I can't be the only one seeing it???

[sigh]

anyway. finally, the really really big one:

3. Ed is a soft uwu babygirl princess femme bottom sub who loves her cat collar and is teaching Stede how to dom him in the "say you're the captain" scene

I mean, there's not much to say except to link to duke's absolutely phenomenal twitter thread about "how the 'babygirlfication' and infantilization of ofmd ed teach is an extension of racist perceptions of indigenous men being inherently violent and thus needing to be emasculated to be considered sympathetic"

but especially That One Fucking Scene, good lord. talk about taking shit out of context. everyone looked at a slowed-down gif of one shot in the trailer and cried "babygirl!! he's such a simp, he just wants to be dommed!!", when actually that scene is about how a) Stede is cringefail and terrible at being a typical harsh, commanding pirate, and b) Ed is lovingly embarrassed by this. he encourages Stede to assert himself (and give Ed something to do during his probation/help him make amends with the crew), but like. normally. he's acting perfectly normal in that scene, and mostly annoyed by the outfit and embarrassed by how badly Stede fails. but just because he's sitting down while Stede is standing, and he happens to take a breath in that one shot (because, you know, people breathe sometimes), everyone's doubled down on their "submissive babygirl" bullshit, and I can't get the fuck away from it.

which - listen, it's fun for me, too! it's fun to explore exaggerated aspects of a character, it's fun to read/write/draw that angle in smut, I get it! but I keep seeing people keep claim it's literally canon, and I cannot stress enough that that is Straight Up False. for the love of god, please just watch the show without your (potentially kinda racist) bias glasses on, and remember to treat the characters with respect instead of projecting onto their every interaction a shallow dom/sub binary just because you find it hot.

Our Flag is a show very specifically about masculinity, and what it means to be a man; how assumptions about that can harm and restrict men; and how men can grow beyond them. it's a nuanced and sympathetic examination of this. the whole point is that Ed is allowed to like nice fabrics and be tired of violent piracy and still be a man. the point is that two men fall in love - equal, honest, sincere love - and are still men, still exactly who they are.

(on that note, insisting that Ed is canonically trans or femme because of these things often ends up just leaning into gendered stereotypes: men are harsh and active and dominant, and women are soft and passive and submissive, and if Ed's not the former, he must be the latter, right? it also tends to hetero-ify the central relationship, casting Stede as "the boy" and Ed as "the girl", needing one to be masc and one femme. not always, and again, I understand and have enjoyed transformative works that take those elements and run with them, and explore what the story could be like if Ed were trans/nb/etc - but it's still a transformative interpretation. it's not canon.)

relatedly: those fucking wedding toppers! it seemed blatantly obvious to me that half the point of those scenes was that Ed is distraught and blaming himself for Stede leaving because he wasn't the ideal partner. it's his entire arc for the first half of season 2! Ed hates himself and believes there's something wrong about him that makes him unlovable. so he keeps and then discards the wedding toppers, painting himself onto one of them, because he's projecting himself onto an image of ideal/successful romantic love that he thinks Stede wants, and in which he doesn't fit. he's trying to mould himself into someone else to make himself lovable, not realising that Stede already loves him for himself.

so it's important to the whole narrative that Ed's yearning for/projection onto the wedding toppers is false, and born from his insecurity. he gets drunk, and play-acts a stereotypical image of romantic happiness into which he doesn't fit, but real love looks nothing like that, because real love isn't found in stifling hegemonic cultural structures, but honest, emotional connections between people allowed to be their whole, vulnerable selves. Stede is not like the groom, and Ed is not like the bride, because they shouldn't have to be. Ed should not (and does not) have to warp himself into a demure bride in order to be worthy of love: he's already lovable and loved exactly as he is! that's the point!! of the scene!!!!!!

like, it's important that the groom figure isn't actually like Stede, either. yes, it's blond and has a nice, peach-coloured suit, but a) Stede was very specifically unhappy in the posh, heterosexual, married state the figures represent, and b) Stede by this point looks nothing like that figurine. it's directly contrasted with the image of him in the rowboat, scruffy and plain and earnestly in love, rather than fancy, cold ceramic.

[EDIT 29/12/24: I ended up writing a whole Twitter essay about the wedding cake toppers that I then gussied up for Tumblr; so if you want a clearer, more substantial, and better supported argument about those, check that out!]

but no, I have to wade through swathes of art and fic and meta about how badly Ed wants to be a sweet little demure kitty princess, how he wants a wedding night and a ring to prove he's Stede's property, and acting as if this is somehow canon, because people on the internet have zero reading comprehension and are scared of brown men.

the whole point of Our Flag is that you don't need to compress yourself into prescribed social roles, and in fact, doing so will only make you miserable; and that racist, patriarchal, colonial institutions should be resisted and dismantled at every opportunity.

so tell me again why the ultimate message is that Ed and Stede should get married under an arch in front of an altar and their lined-up friends, with flowers and rice falling around them, all dressed in white, one in a suit and one in a dress, with rings and a kiss and a honeymoon after, before they move into a detached house with a yard and a fence and re-adopt the kids that Stede abandoned? and this isn't about promises, fidelity, or even monogamy - I'm specifically talking about everyone in this fandom who seems to think that the ultimate goal is the most stereotypical 20th century cisheteropatriarchal christian wedding, but with the name "matelotage" slapped on top, as if that takes away all of the underlying baggage.

just - I know we're all meant to hate men and masculinity and yadda yadda yadda, but actually, to be earnest for a second, men deserve respect too, because all people and all genders do. and two men are allowed to be in a relationship and still both be men - complex men, with their own, layered relationships to their gender - without having to fall into neatly-arranged dom/sub masc/femme roles, or seal the deal with a hegemonically-approved ceremony.

so please, stop reducing an indigenous lead character to a caricature of a femme uwu princess bottom just because he has long hair, wore a robe once, and you're too scared of brown men to imagine him with proper agency. and then please, for the love of god, stop claiming that that interpretation is canon.

[stevetonyweekly]

Hiiii friends! Ok, here’s what I’ve read this week. Enjoy them and be sure to let me know what you’re reading. And leave a comment/kudos for your authors! 

I’m considering changing up the format of recs next year, and I’d love to hear your thoughts--I’ll probably post a survey for what you’d like to see. 

~ 

Cat's Out of the Bag by FestiveFerret

This was just supposed to be a once-in-a-while cat sitting gig to get Tony back on his feet. It wasn't supposed to be weeks on end at an amazing apartment, it wasn't supposed to be mysterious locked rooms, it wasn't supposed to be masked men in the middle of the night.

And it definitely wasn't supposed to be falling head over heels in love.

Growth Spurt by FestiveFerret

Tony: Remember that guy I had the hots for in high school that I was telling you about?

Rhodey: The Steve guy? Yeah.

Tony: He's here.

Rhodey: Oh shit.

Tony: He grew a beard.

Rhodey: ...

Rhodey: You're fucked.

Tony: IKR.

Cozy by KandiSheek 

Tony seems to have a propensity to hug Steve whenever he's sleep-deprived. Which would be all well and good, if Steve had any idea why Tony chose him of all people to be his personal teddybear.

Take Another Little Piece of My Heart Now, Baby by blue_jack

“I think we should get married,” Tony announced as he let himself into Steve’s apartment, plopping next to him on the couch.

All-American Pride by imafriendlydalek 

The press seems to think Tony and Steve are in a relationship, and so many people seem so happy about it that Steve just runs with it, dragging Tony along. To a Pride rally.

Whoever gave Steve that flag he's wrapped himself in deserves a medal.

[egosweetheart]

hi, this isnt an actual art post, i just wanna share a thing i did recently. so hazbin hotel came out. i have mixed feelings on it, but the important thing for this post is, i wanted to redesign some of the characters.

i did angeldust, alastor, lucifer, and husk, because those seemed like they needed the biggest push design wise.

i've seen a lot of redesigns that come for the shows entire design ethos rather than just addressing individual issues, which are all cool and good, but i really wanted to meet vivzie where she's at and focus on improving what's already there with the lore that's available.

i will not be doing any actual fanart for the show or talking about it beyond this post. which, btw, is going to be long as fuck.

tdlr: i did some paint-overs. theyre under the cut next to the original design.

alright, so this one is the most different. why? idk i think alastor could be really cool, but none of the things in his original design speak to his themes or personality at all. if he's a deer, why are his horns hidden? if he's half creole, why is he beige? if he cares about his suit enough to take it to a tailor over one rip, why are there rips in his design?

this is also the start of my crusade against bowties.

so i get the idea behind lucifers design. hes the ringmaster, the rest of the sins are his circus, it makes sense, its very cute. it just needed editing. there's so much white in his costume, it all clutters together visually, you dont know where to focus, and the pops of red just make it even more confusing. by moving all the white up, it keeps the focus on his face. i also gave him a beard because he looks like charlies brother and i'm not allergic to facial hair. i also removed the apple from the hat because it seemed redundant.

i dont know if im 100% happy with how husk turned out, but i am happy he's more readable now. he was so cluttered before, but i removed a lot of it in favor of leaning into the disaster ex-magician angle, and making his vibe slightly more 70's. also, cats with mustaches are adorable, and i like how disheveled he looks in comparison to alastor. alastor is ruining this mans life and i think it should be a little more obvious in his design.

ok this one is personal for 1 reason and 1 reason only: he does not need a fucking bowtie. it just floats there with no visual anchor, right underneath a choker that's essentially doing the same visual footwork and thematically says so much more about angel dusts situation. i also noticed he has like, a feather bustle in the poison musical sequence? so. thats staying to make him more Spider Like. he deserves extra fluff.

the show is overall very whatever to me. i just wanted to see if i could tweak these to make myself happier with them, and i succeeded, and that's all that matters.thank u if you read all this, i wrote it at 1am. MWAH i love you

[laurelnose]

Forgive my desperate urgency but you are The Person whose opinion I must have on this topic-- I don't know very much about D&D and especially not about dragonborn, I am only in the BG3 fandom for Vibes, but this came up as of course it did because I'm me--

DO DRAGONBORN HAVE GIZZARDS

please we must discuss this

A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION DESERVING OF SERIOUS CONTEMPLATION

So dragonborn are descended directly from chromatic/metallic/gem dragons in some way (the exact way is a point of theological contention). The difference between those three dragon types is, to the best of my limited knowledge, not germane to the discussion. I will consider dragons as a single category.

Dragons are definitely not reptiles. They are warm-blooded and they act like cats. I do not actually think the cat thing is relevant to them being reptiles or not, Forgotten Realms wiki, but thank you anyways. So they are not like crocodiles, but are they like birds? Probably not. Although they did evolve from proto-dragon species which were among the few survivors of the cataclysm that killed the dinosaurs. Much like birds! (Or maybe they were created by the gods. Whatever. I’m not getting into a Faerûnian creationism debate. Anyways, in this context only, por qué no los dos.)

Dragons are preferentially carnivorous, but functionally omnivorous, with an emphasis on the omni. They can eat and digest just about anything, including inorganic materials. This ability is because of their “innate elemental nature”, which kind of makes me think dragons don’t really have digestive systems as we know them. They’re more like great primordial engines. I think this precludes gizzards in the dragons themselves — how would they get stones in their gizzards if their digestive system can break down stone? What would they even use them for? So if dragonborn have gizzards, they did not get them from the dragons.

Dragonborn do not seem to usually be capable of regularly digesting rocks, so if they swallow inorganic matter it should stay where it’s put. Baby dragonborn are born toothless and are fed by a lactating parent (dragonborn → monotremes??) until they grow teeth, and then are graduated through soft foods up to regular food (consisting of much more meat than your average humanoid). They are capable of digesting non-meat foods, but it doesn’t look like they have the dentition to chew non-meat foods. Which is why birds of just about all diets have gizzards — they don’t got no teeth! I’m going to go with either dragonborn have trouble eating vegetarian meals, as they have no grinding molars, or they do have gizzards. Courtesy of whatever primeval force or deity created them, maybe.

I also considered whether, if dragonborn are normally gizzardless, the Dark Urge specifically might have been created with special dietary capabilities, but you don’t need a gizzard for, say, osteophagy. (Notably, the only primarily osteophagous bird, the bearded vulture, has lost its gizzard.) And I feel like the other things animals use gizzards to digest are not quite On Theme, as it were. However, they might possibly, like bearded vultures, have a hardened, partially keratinized digestive lining for dramatic osteophagy (involving sharp broken-off pieces of bones).

On a different hand, dragonborn manifest draconic abilities at different levels, ranging from different or multiple breath weapons, dragonfear, or abilities from Bahamut or Tiamat. I wonder if some dragonborn, maybe those with particularly strong breath weapons (since the breath weapons are formed from elemental energy produced by dragons’ unique diets), might also manifest the ability to Just Eat Fucking Rocks. Not a glamorous ability! But very fun I think! Possibly more fun for dragonborn which do not natively have gizzards, as having a sort of elemental furnace in their belly instead of a stomach would then enable them to more comfortably eat food like salads.

On another totally different hand, polymorphed dragons (or not polymorphed, if you’re not a coward) are supposed to be able to hybridize with most of the humanoids, producing children that may take after either or both parents, and aarakocra and kenku are Right There. I mean, not in BG3, but, y’know. Half-dragons and dragonborn are different, but still interesting.

Also, dragons in the Forgotten Realms taste like turkey. I don’t know what you can do with this information but I feel like you would enjoy knowing it

[the-brash-spud]

Honestly, if I ever got Isekaied into a DC universe I'd do so much silly stuff.

Start a podcast that swings between 'true heartfelt spoken letters to what makes a hero in my heart and what struggles they may have, but they continue for us' and conspiracy theories that are so incredibly incorrect the heroes publicly beg me to stop. And I mean stuff like claiming aliens aren't real, but Batman is a cryptid. I would do them at random with no way of telling, which is which until you listened in and found out for yourself.

Cause chaos in Gotham by openly talking shit about villains/companies/individuals who deserve it. Start with Joker just to hope mf will track me down just so I can show him the yee old fuck around and find out. If there happens to be one of the Riddlers plans that I remember, imma get my ass purposefully kidnapped and solve the whole bitch before he had any real fun and then if I know that bats can hear me snitch the location. If it happens to be in the current comic time, track Jason's ass down and flirt with him with the most unhinged pickup lines I can think of (he is in my age range, and oh lord, have you seen him? I don’t expect him to actually be interested in any romance back, but I'd still have a good time). Tell Bruce I know his secret then say that lowkey if Batman was my age I'd also sleep with him but don't make enough to be a sugar mama.

Refuse any interviews until the daily planet sends someone and then be like "me no likey that person 🥺👉👈" until they send Clark and then talk really ungodly things about Superman before the real interview, then say something like "honestly of you stood straighter and lost glasses you probably could be him but that would be just silly haha. Imagine if I just said all that right to Superman himself." All casually just to watch him try to laugh it off as he dies inside.

Say to Oliver that his beard reminds me of Green Arrow's beard. How they generally seem to have similar personalities in a way that would make them great bros if they ever got to meet. Tell Flash to stop fucking jumping between universes/timeliness and all other in between because there are Gods and one of them is surely in charge of that shit. Hal happens to flirt with me when I visit his city? Hell yeah time to fuck with him. Write down that "Batman says you have reports to write" and do his disappearing act. Look at all of the exhibision Diana was involved with. See what stuff she likes to work with. If I happen to meet her talk military history, if she knows it.

Avoid Martians at all cost. No offence to them, but I'm not giving them an existential crisis because I happened to think of their world in comic book terms.

If it's the universe in which Billy is homeless, try to adopt him like you would a street cat. Get him close by offering food and shelter. But if he does allow me to be his guardian, I will have to be straight with him that I know about Marvel and then say that I have meta-knowledge and hope he understands it as me being a meta that can just access random information.

The Justice League would probably be on my ass real fucking quick but I'd have a good time while they try to figure out what is up with me.

[krystaldeath]

Do have any headcanons on a Silktea wedding?

OKAY. ANON. I CANNOT APOLOGIZE ENOUGH FOR HOW LONG IVE MADE YOU WAIT FOR THIS. YALL. THIS ASK WAS SENT ON VALENTINES DAY. ITS BEEN ABOUT HALF A YEAR. I AM SO SO SO SORRY.

Anyways uuuhhh Silktea wedding hc’s :)):

* I know I’ve talked about this before but: flowers in Hunt’s hair and Sandy’s beard! Sandy also has his Mohawk laid down to one side and it looks very pretty

* Mo is the ring bearer

* MK and Mei are the flower people (it wasn’t planned originally but they drag Redson into it as well) ((part of me wants Goliath to also be a flower person but that’s simply way too many. But maybe he just carried the traffic light trio as they throw petals around lol))

* Spider Queen planned the whole thing (and she took in to account Sandy’s interests and aesthetics as well! Idk how she makes it (spider hunter and cat & tea loving sailor-therapist) work but I believe she can do anything)

* Pigsy is Sandy’s best man, ofc. I’m a bit conflicted on if Spider Queen or Goliath should be Hunt’s best man/maid of honor… hmmm…

* You decide lol

* Syntax programs a bunch of spider bots to serve as waiters/servers of sorts (MK takes some time getting used to them)

* He even made a robot cat as a wedding gift. Mo takes some time getting used to it

* Sandy cries. When he sees Hunts, at random intervals during the ceremony, at Hunt’s vows, at his own vows, etc you get the picture

* Hunt’s also cries during both vows, albeit a bit more subtlety than Sandy

* I think they both have bouquets. When they toss them each one goes to Spider Queen and Scorpion Demoness. They look to each other and smile softly (VENOMQUEEN WEDDING? VENOMQUEEN WEDDING!)

* Ofc all kinds of tea are served, but the kind Sandy originally gave Hunts is considered the Special Tea of the event

* Hunts: You know, food gifting is considered an act of courting in spider society Sandy: Really? Then I guess this was a long time coming then, huh? ^u^ Hunts, softly smiling: Yes, I suppose it was…

* A bit past the time I would probably put this but Hunts has to jump into Sandy’s arms to kiss him bc of the height difference lol. Syntax will never let him live this down

* Pigsy caters, ofc. Everyone is very well fed

* Let’s say Chang’e meets Sandy at some point and makes the wedding cake. How does it get from the moon to the earth? Idk, teleportation or something I just think they deserve a Chang’e cake (while on that topic let’s say she made the cake for the Freenoodles wedding too bc her and Pigsy are cooking bffs)

* Spider Queen couldn’t be happier for Hunts, even if he’s marrying a friend(?) of Sun Wukong’s

* Speaking of that monkey and his shadow counterpart: they both owe a lot to Sandy bc he probably helps them work out their issues and such so they help out a lot with the setting up and Wukong even allows the venue to be in a very nice spot on Flower Fruit Mountain. Macaque puts on some shadow plays for entertainment as well, mostly second hand retelling a of some of silktea’s moments (minus. The fighting. And such. Not the greatest wedding story lol-)

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

The hand that feeds is the hand that's loved

Chapter 1: Snack-A-Doodle

Astarion's an aspiring lawyer, who's running from his past and suffers from a long list of food allergies. Gale's a former culinary prodigy, who's going through a nasty divorce and suffers from cooking fatigue. They meet in the snack aisle.

Trigger Waring (18+): Alternate Universe: Modern Setting, No Magic, No Vampire, No Wizard, Lawyer Astarion, Cook Gale, Astarion Has Food Allergies, Gale Is Depressed, Astarion Everything Is A Transaction Ancunin, Tara Is Not A Cat, Morena Dekarios Supremacy, Old Women Yuri, Elminster Is The Weird Uncle, Mystra Is Faerûn's Gordon Ramsay But A Proper Bitch, Cazador Is A Piece Of Shit, Cheesy Food Puns, Unnecessary Cooking And Food Details, This Is Basically A Culinary Show, Author Constantly Thinks About Food, Food As A Love Language, POV Astarion, POV Gale, Angst, Emotional Rollercoaster, Feelings, Overthinking, PTSD, Dissociation, Past Domestic Abuse, Past Non-Con/Rape, Attempted Murder, Satanic Cult, Slow Burn (but not too slow), Eventual Smut, Unsafe Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanism, Anal Sex, Blow Job/Fellatio, Fingering, Hand Job, Rimming

Read on AO3

The GlutMart was as uncomfortable as ever. Its linoleum covered floor was squeaky and sticky, the fluorescent lights hurt the eyes, and the weird ambience music sounded like straight out of a bad mushroom trip.

Gale pushed the shopping cart along. He knew he looked exactly like the mess he felt; greasy hair in a messy bun, beard unkempt, dressed in the same shirt and sweatpants he'd worn for the past three days. Over the past five months, he'd let himself go, but, for the first time in a long time, he didn't care what people thought about his appearance. He'd fallen from grace anyway. Gale sighed again, staring at the snack section. His wife – well, ex-wife to be precise – had always berated him whenever he'd opened a bag of chips, reminding him of the empty calories and that he had an image to uphold. Gale snorted at the thought. Gale Dekarios, the culinary prodigy of Faerûn. Gale Dekarios, the youngest chef at WEAVE, the fancy, luxurious restaurant chain owned by none other than his mentor, boss, and wife (ex-wife) Mystra Weave. A promising, aspiring star cook indeed – until his folly had fucked up everything. With another sigh, Gale rubbed his chest, wincing as he felt the still tender scars beneath his shirt. He'd been so stupid. So cocky. He hated himself.

"Oh, bloody hell! You fuckers, how dare you? I'll sue your arses!" cursed another customer, slamming down the bag of wasabi-flavoured pea snacks he'd been holding. When Gale turned, his breath caught in his throat. The other man was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. All sharp angles, long limbs, silver curls, and grey eyes. That angry stare was fixed on him now.

"Are you done gloating?" the stranger snapped at him.

"Apologies. I wasn't gloating though, merely wondering what those poor, rather delicate chips did to deserve your wrath," Gale replied truthfully. For some reason, the other man seemed taken aback, blinking at him wordlessly. Gale waited patiently for an answer.

"Well, if you must know, darling, they changed the ingredients of my favourite snack. Now, it contains milk powder and I can't it anymore." The man sighed, running a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "Another thing gone from my dwindling list of foods that won't kill me."

That caught the cook's attention.

"You have food allergies?"

"Mhm. An entire cornucopia full, actually."

The stranger had clearly tried to crack a joke, shooting a small, bitter smile in Gale's direction. The latter's heart sped up in excitement.

"I can cook! I mean, I know a fair bit about allergies and can work around them." Oh, God, he was babbling. Gale's cheeks burned with embarrassment, but he couldn't shut up. "If you tell me your allergies, I could come up with some meal ideas for you."

"Is that so?" The stranger raised an eyebrow, more amused than annoyed by Gale's definite breach of privacy. "Well..." He leaned closer, conspiratorially. "You'd be my first."

Gale shuddered as the other man's hot breath caressed the shell of his ear, and his senses were filled with the smell of bergamot, rosemary, and brandy. Lovely combination. As a reduced sauce, it would go well with a steak, lamb chop, or braised chicken...

"You're rather cute, you know?" the stranger purred, gently tucking a loose, greasy strand of hair behind Gale's ear. "You don't seem like a crazy, satanic murderer."

"I'm certainly not! I'm a chef," Gale blurted out, and immediately felt the desire to slap himself across the face. That damnable mouth of his! Why couldn't he just shut up like normal people? God, hopefully, the stranger didn't recognised him from the Mycoid Kitchen Show, the other TV appearances, or the many newspaper articles. Gale prayed that the new beard helped conceal his identity.

"Really? So, why does a grand chef like you do his shopping in such an undignified place?" the stranger asked.

"I'm unemployed and broke."

Smooth, Dekarios. Very smooth.

"And a honest man, it seems," chuckled the stranger, and Gale sighed.

"Yeah, well... What am I to do when my ex-wife's hell-bent on destroying my life during the divorce?"

"She sounds like a nasty piece of shit."

"She - she is. I guess."

They stood there in uncomfortable silence for a moment. Then, the stranger pulled a business card from his wallet and held it out towards Gale.

"Here. If you'd like to return your ex-wife's favour regarding destroying your life, I'd volunteer to help. After all, it's my specialty."

"Th-thank you," stammered Gale, accepting the business card with clammy fingers.

"You're welcome, darling," grinned the stranger. "I live for petty drama." With an elegant little twirl, he turned around. "Don't be shy, darling, and call me."

Gale stared as the most beautiful man in Faerûn sauntered away. In disbelief, he looked down at the business card.

Astarion Ancunín, Lawyer at ‘11 Attorneys LLP’.

Licking his dry lips, Gale stowed it away safely for later. Maybe, it wasn't a bad idea to call, he thought. At least, he'd see the other man again.

Gale Dekarios: What do you think?

Wyll Ravengard: I say go for it! I told you you need a better lawyer. Wulbren Bongle's nice and all, but he seems to have no backbone. The cheapest isn't always the best option.

Gale Dekarios: I'm aware, but I'm worried about the payment. Astarion seems so posh, I fear hiring him will be more expensive than I can afford.

Wyll Ravengard: Haven't Rena & Tara offered to help you out financially?

Gale Dekarios: Of course, they have, but I can't ask my mothers for money! They already do so much for me! I don't want to burden them even more and worry them unnecessarily.

Wyll Ravengard: Gale, mate, they're your mums, they always worry. Just swallow your pride and ask them, tell them about that beautiful stranger you met in the snack aisle ;)

Gale Dekarios: Very funny, Wyll.

Wyll Ravengard: I'm a born comedian.

Gale Dekarios: XD

Gale Dekarios: I guess you'll be home tomorrow too?

Wyll Ravengard: Of course! I'll never pass up Rena's cooking and Tara's home-brewed wine. Plus, there's no better place than home, am I right?

Gale Dekarios: Truer words have never been spoken. Will Karlach join too?

Wyll Ravengard: No, she has to work at the club. Bouncers are especially busy on Friday nights, you know?

Gale Dekarios: Right. Sorry I asked. See you tomorrow <3

Wyll Ravengard: Yup. See you <3

Gale's childhood home was located at the edge of town, right next to the forest. The little red brick house was covered in climbing roses and vine tendrils, the garden lush with herbs, vegetables, berries, and fruit trees. A little patch of heaven on earth. Gale couldn't help but smile when he walked across the front yard and rang the doorbell. It was immediately opened by a tall woman with a wild mane of orange, brown, black, and grey hair and sharp, amber eyes.

"Gale!" she chirped, pulling him into a passionate hug. "Hello, little love!"

"Hello, Tara," muttered the addressed and buried his face in her knitted cardigan. She smelled like patchouli and orange.

"How are you? Ugh, what a stupid question. Oh, you look awful! So tired and sad and that beard, ugh! Come in, little love, we missed you. Let us take care of you."

"Thanks. I missed you too," mumbled Gale, suddenly scarily close to tears. He truly had missed his mothers. A sudden wave of shame crashed over him. After returning from the hospital, he'd made himself scarce and barely spoken to his family. Instead, he'd wallowed in self-pity and lived off instant cup noodles and ice cream. It was equally a blessing and a curse that both his mothers were forces of nature and had bullied their ways into Gale's self-inflicted solitude to talk some sense into him and bring him home-cooked meals. He felt like he hadn't appreciated it enough.

"Gale!" Morena – a short, curvy, greyed woman, with a shocking resemblance to her son – speed-walked over from the kitchen to throw herself around his neck. She smelled of lavender and water lilies. "Oh, I missed you, my dear."

"I missed you too, mum," whispered Gale, kissing her cheek. She smiled at him, gently scratching his beard.

"Come on, the risotto's almost done."

With a nod, Gale followed her, crossing the living room.

"Hello, my boy!"

Gale's head whipped around at the sound of the familiar, raspy voice. His uncle, Elminster, was dressed in nothing but a dark red silk robe and plush black slippers in the shape of cat heads. His long, grey hair and beard were braided and decorated with little star-shaped silver beads that jingled with every movement. Now, the seventy-year-old got up from the ugly, orange wing chair to pull his nephew into a crushing hug. The all-too-familiar smell of cheese and the herbal odour of antirheumatic ointment hit the cook's nose.

"It's good to see you," he exclaimed, patting Gale's back.

"Likewise," wheezed Gale, wincing at the intensity of the hug.

Elminster Aumar was an unusual man, well-known for his eccentric, but homely cooking. Before its bankruptcy, his fast food chain Elminster's Tower had been famous in North Faerûn and praised for its surprisingly high-quality menu. His rosemary French fries, double-crispy, air-fried chicken drumsticks, and mulled apple juice had been legendary. Unfortunately, the extra costs of said food quality had led to the ruin, forcing Elminster to sell his beloved restaurants to – you guessed it – rising VIP chef Mystra Weave. In his financial despair – and thanks to Mystra's charm – Elminster had made the biggest mistake of his life: he'd sold the rights to his recipes to her. Now, neither he nor anyone else was allowed to cook and/or sell his creations anymore without being sued into oblivion. Elminster had realised his mistake too late and was still beating himself up over the fact that he'd given the rights to Mystra instead of his nephew. The follies of desperate men... Gale was too familiar with it now, and didn't hold a grudge against his uncle anymore.

Lost in thought, Gale set the table while Morena was stirring the asparagus risotto one last time, and Elminster sneakily tried to steal some of it. Morena hissed at her older brother like scolding a pet and whacked his fingers with the wooden spoon.

"Ouch! Feisty witch!" Chuckling, Elminster massaged his rheumatic hand.

"Let our witch cook, El. You can show off your wizardry next time," teased Tara as she handed him the preheated plates.

"Alright, alright," huffed the man, still visibly amused.

The three of them obviously had the time of their lives. Gale envied them a bit. How these 60+ seniors had kept their eccentric sparks and childlike joy was a mystery to him. He already felt drained and tired at thirty-five. His mothers would probably blame it on Mystra - and they were probably right. She had taken so much from him without giving him anything in return except heartbreak and grief.

Thankfully, Wyll chose exactly this moment to let himself in with his spare key and greet everyone in his jovial way. The son of politician Ulder Ravengard was a childhood friend of Gale's. He and his mother, Francesca, had moved in next door after the divorce, and the boys had become fast friends. In their teens, they'd fooled around with each other, exploring their queerness together, but they'd realised that their relationship worked better when it was platonic instead of romantic, so, that was that. When Wyll's mother had died of breast cancer when he'd been eighteen, Morena and Tara had basically adopted him, and he'd lived with them until moving in with his girlfriend, Karlach, a few years ago.

"It's good to see you," Wyll smiled as he hugged Gale.

They sat down at the cosy, round wooden table and dined while making light conversation. Gale had missed this: the cosiness, the care, the love.

"Did Gale tell you already about the attractive lawyer he met at the grocery store?" Wyll smirked, knowing full well that Gale hadn't. The brunet glared at him across the table. Wyll had the audacity to wink.

"Now, that's a story worth telling," proclaimed Tara, leaning forward nosily. Gale wriggled about on his chair.

"We accidentally ran into each other in the snack aisle at GlutMart, and we started a conversation because of his food allergies. I let slip about the divorce and he offered his help. I'm still not sure about it though."

"Do you have his contacts?" Morena asked and Gale nodded.

"Yes. He works for 11 Attorneys LLP."

Elminster whistled impressed.

"Isn't that Jaheira Harper's law firm?" he chimed in. "That woman's a legend. I still regret not asking her for help back when – Ah, you know."

Gale nodded.

"Sounds properly posh. Maybe, that's exactly what you need," Wyll remarked, helpful as ever. "Expensive though…"

Morena and Tara immediately got the point.

"You know we'll help you out, right, dear?" Morena told Gale. "We'll help you through this mess, and if that lawyer can make Mystra sweat, then, I gladly pay him extra."

"Exactly." Tara's eyes glinted. "I want to see that snake burn in purgatory. Nobody treats my little love like dirt!"

With an affirmative hum, Morena patted her partner's hand.

"I - Would you really not mind?" asked Gale, abashed. "I don't want to be a burden. You already did so much for me."

"Oh, stop it! You’re not a burden, you're our son!" his mother interrupted him briskly. "What else is family for, hm?"

Gale sighed a breath of relief and he felt much lighter than before.

"Thank you," he muttered. "I already owe you so much, mum. Thank you for not giving up on me despite my many, many failures. I know I'm a disappointment."

"Stop it!" hissed Morena, riled up.

"None of that," tut-tutted Tara.

"Don't be so harsh on yourself, my boy," said Elminster.

And Gale burst into tears. Everyone cooed at him, covering him in kisses and wrapping him into loving hugs until he could stop crying. Then, Morena vanished into the kitchen and presented them with her infamous strawberry shortcake. After two thick slices, Gale finally felt like himself again. With a satisfied sigh, he leaned back in the chair, unzipping his trousers to give his full belly some room.

"I missed home-cooked meals."

Oops! Inner voice, Dekarios, inner voice.

"Gale..." Tara squinted at him.

Oh-oh. Abort, abort!

"When was the last time you actually cooked?"

Gale squirmed under her stern look.

"The night of the accident."

"Selûne, have mercy on me!" sighed his quasi mother, pinching the bridge of her nose. "That backstabber better never cross my path again, or I'll commit a felony."

"Now, now, no irrational actions, deary," Morena told her, patting her wife's shoulder. "If you commit a murder, at least let me be your partner in crime."

That had Tara snorting in amusement, and she turned to give Morena a quick kiss.

"You're still as crazy as ever, love."

"Runs in the family," replied Morena cheekily and booped Tara's nose. Gale couldn't help but smile. They were so in love – for twenty-five years now. Gale wished for a love like this in his life. But, until then, he had to settle for the love of his family.

They spent all night chatting and drinking until they fell into bed at three in the morning. Tipsy, Gale crashed onto the guest bed, spooning up on Wyll, who complained drunkenly about Gale's excessive body heat, but didn't move an inch. Giggling, the brunet fumbled for his phone and typed out a message before passing out.

Hello Astarion, it's Gale from the snack aisle at GlutMart. I thought about your offer and I came to the conclusion that your help's exactly what I need. You're like a beautiful guardian angel. Please help me not lose all the rights to my culinary creations to my wife. I'm so tired of being her punching bag. Call me any time. Sincerely, Gale Dekarios

[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

Just … going to get really depressing and vocalise my self pity for a second under this bc I’ve woken up and immediately want to cry

I don’t know how to do this life anymore. I’ve just been taking my days minute by minute and it’s been working, but lately I can’t see any way forward. I’m 31 soon, I’ve never lived out of home, not because I don’t have the means to but because I don’t feel like being totally on my own is safe or healthy for me. And why would I do that to myself anyway? Also, my parents are older than other peoples parents. And my dad died when I was just 19 leaving my mum on her own and I can’t leave her on her own just so I can also be on my own that’s not fair and awful for the both of us. But she’s getting older, and my cat my little baby is getting older too. And my dogs getting older as well. Everything I live for is going to leave me and I’ll lose it forever. The last little bits of unconditional love I have are going to be gone. I make friends so easily, I’m lucky in that way, that’s I’m personable and likeable and people do naturally want to be my friend but I also don’t have the energy anymore to chat daily or initiate conversations. But it’s also, so hard to be easy to get along with but struggle so so hard meeting boys. In fact, feel absolutely worthless and disgusting whenever I have a boy look at me. I know it’s because my dad made it clear that he never wanted me and proceeded to make me feel pretty worthless and unworthy for mostly my entire life, and then when I finally came out thinking it would be okay bc I was being myself and my homophobic family would come around, it turns out it wasn’t even my family who made me feel awful for being gay… it was other gay people. And even worse, my first long term boyfriend who I’d given everything to. Then was in two toxic relationships, situationships, dating was hell, boys would get attached to me telling me that they really liked me, calling me to see me hang out hold my hand, and then suddenly tell me there was someone else, someone better, and leaving me but “oh I still want to be friends I can’t imagine you not being in my life” like… what the fuck is wrong with me. When can I ever be good enough. Then I see everyone else being so handsome, and can keep their bodies looking nice and trim their beards and go outdoors and swim and do things like that but I can’t even get out of bed until lunchtime. I work so hard at my job, and again I make friends with literally everyone I work with, and I make the customers feel so welcome and make them laugh and I love that I can do that and I love making friends but it’s work. Sometimes I dread not going to work because it’s the place I can avoid my life I don’t need to worry about any of those expectations. Sexual ones, the way I should look, or behave, or the values I should have or what I should be doing it’s just work it’s simple. But again it’s demanding, it’s exhausting, customers are insanely rude and demanding, and all my coworkers get to go home to someone. Someone who WANTS to see and love them. Someone who’s chosen to be there. I don’t have that. I haven’t cuddled in fuck knows how long. And friends are great but don’t I deserve that special thing from someone again? Like I’m not worthy? Or I’m not good enough? The hard part is I look at myself and I don’t objectively think I’m hideous. I’m not the most handsome or sexy guy, I know, but I don’t think I’m disgusting. But my heart and my body dysmorphia feels like I’m truly hideous, but if I look at it logically I don’t think I am. So what is it? It has to be who I am as a person. I don’t know what’s worse.

Look I just don’t know how anyone is meant to live like this and not constantly have a shadow of ending it all constantly looming over their head, I really don’t.

I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. My life is fucking nothing and I know it’ll just rot away in the end.

[cryptic-bonez]

Jules posting again because I have massive brainrot of this creature. (Bonus Mica posting!!)

This time it's Headcanons and dynamics I think fit the characters. My girl Mica is underappreciated me thinks, so I'm gonna fix that.

Reminder that these are HEADCANONS! They aren't actually canon to the characters themselves, and this is just information about the character's personality and background that I think fits them. If anyone wants to add theirs, feel free, because I love reading peoples headcanons and comparing notes! :3

Fair warning, the last two of Jules' headcanons are a bit heavier, so trigger warning for SH and dysphoria mentions! There are also Hemophobia and Emetophobia mentions as well

Jules headcanons;

✧ T4T, or just an overall preference for a Trans/Genderqueer partner, pansexual possibly

✧ Has a pronounced accent when he's angry, excited, singing or acting. Like he definitely has one, but it comes out more when he's being expressive if that makes sense

✧ Definitely looks back at his old clothes from his emo phase and almost cringes because of how bad the style he used to dress in. He just fixes everything up with other absolutely ruined clothes and makes them better.

✧ Cleaned and donated his binders for sure! I feel like he'd deep clean them and everything, gives em away to other trans teens/young adults in need

✧ Studed gauges, spiky earrings, just.. out there and absurd jewlery that somehow goes so well with his outfits

✧ Was definitely a cowboy almost every year for Halloween growing up.

✧ Active protester against waste dumping! Very vocal about it too! Even makes awareness posts online and such! Made a GoFundMe to help protect land, especially indigenous land or ranches!!

✧ When he dances, it's not just generic or free style dancing. He's like.. expressing his emotions and soul with it, letting his body move without thinking about it. Like Goth dancing would be, but more expressive and fluid and just overall freeing if that makes sense

✧ Still finds glitter everywhere because he's probably spilled some as a child when doing arts and crafts. They're a very artistic person, me thinks.

✧ Definitely had his nipples tattooed on instead. You can't tell me they wouldn't find a really weird, goth or just overall funky design for a tattoo to replace their nipples after post op healing. Something like a skull, or a cowboy hat.

✧ Loves any kind of animal. Doesn't have a preference. Probably somehow tamed a bearded dragon when they were younger?? And they just. They just had it as a pet for a while. His parents never found out for a while either?? Until he just brought it out like "hey look! This is my new pet!". They also screamed the first time the bearded dragon shot blood at him from it's eyes. (Yes they can do that. Yes it's weird. And yes it's also cool)

✧ Plans on getting tattoos on his surgery scars. Animal skulls or something like that, a mix of alternative/goth and western.

✧ Probably had an unhealthy way of coping with dysphoria. Binded a lot more than he should, stuff like that.

✧ more than likely has a few scars from sh when struggling with self image and dysphoria. He's been clean for years now, and he most likely got tattoos over the scars because they accept that part of them, and they aren't ashamed of it

some Mica headcanons because my girl is swag and deserves some recognition!!

✦ Genderfluid, any pronouns. Doesn't even care if you call her an "it" (probably takes it as a compliment)

✦ Used to be irrationally scared of horses until she met Jules

✦ Hates house parties, only goes for the drinks, food and if Jules is going.

✦ Neurodivergent! Probably has a sleeping disorder too

✦ Has a scorpion belly button piercing. And a scorpion tattoo as well. They're her favorite arachnid

✦ Prefers reptiles or arachnids as a pet, but would totally foster black cats. Most likely pagan/wiccan

✦ didn't talk to Jules for a week because he showed her the bearded dragon defense mechanism. She fainted.

✦ Hemophobia + emetophobia (the fear of blood & vomit)

✦ either has the nicest nicknames or the most rancid god awful nicknames for her friends.

✦ Drives a hearse! Decorates it for festive stuff. Also named it (She'd name it something like Salaman or Pamantha just because it'd be funny)

✦ Mild scoliosis and chronic back pain probably. Has to wear a back brace for it

✦ Enjoys costume design! Makes her own clothes from scratch

✦ Supports small businesses/creators/artists. She has a lot of skincare products from indigenous businesses to support them.

✦ Very vocal about protesting against waste dumping and using land for things that'll harm nature in general! Goes to protests with Jules. Even has social media platforms to help spread information and stop waste disposal on indigenous lands

✦ Supportive of Jules getting into his culture! Very interested in learning about customs and traditions. Also goes to festivities to be his emotional support friend

✦ Was a theater kid in middle and high school, started her alternative phase in 6th grade(she boasts about this to Julien sometimes just because)

character dynamics; Julien + Mica

Hates the theater kid stereotype but unknowingly plays into it + Also hates the theater kid stereotype but doesn't play into it.

absolutely terrified of spiders + loves spiders

neurodivergent + neurodivergent = chaos

Hates porcelain dolls + has a porcelain doll collection

Bone collector + specimen collector

yallternative + alternative/goth

Accident prone + "What did you do this time?!"

Stupid + also stupid

Grew up on a ranch + grew up on a farm

loves horseback riding + prefers to watch instead

bites to be affectionate + bullies to be affectionate

[starligtgalaxy]

chapter 12: A little blood therapy

A hand holds a cup, filled with a dark red liquid, watching it slosh around in it. Not having taken a single sip.

"Heeyyyy shǔǔǔǔǔǔǔǔ~" a voice mutters next to her.

She sighs "Hey, Wukong"

The mentioned monkey clings to her arm and looks up to her head with a drunk expression on his face "Did you always have those things?"

Pointing with a shakey hand towards her ears.

"Wukong, control yourself" a different voice chimes, coming from the other side of the table.

The one saying it was a monkey with dark fur. Drunk aswell, but not as much as his sworn brother.

"It's fine, Mihou. He isn't doing any harm, he's just being a bit clingy" she answers.

A bit wasn't the right term as by now the ginger monkey was basically full on hugging her, clinging to her as if she was a tree.

The eagle next them scoffs, being too drunk himself to do his usual teasing.

She feels her throat ache. She coughs in her hand, and looks to discover blood in it.

She sighs "I need to go, I won't be gone for long" she stands up, making the ginger monkey glide off her.

She calmly walks away, quickly out of her teammates' views. Most of them didn't bring any attention to it, since it was pretty normal for her.

But he did, he knew she was hiding something from them. Something big, but he never had the courage to go after her as she had told them many times to not follow her.

★・・・・・・★

(Y/n) grabs the order of the counter. She was about to walk out of the door, only to be met with a chest. A blue one specifically.

She steps back to meet a giant with an orange beard and Mohawk. A purple bead necklace around his neck and some white sweatpants.

(Y/n) cranes her neck to look at his face "Wow, you're...tall" she pauses when she realized what she said "ah, sorry. That was rude of me"

"It's fine, I get that a lot" the giant chuckles, patting the girl's messy Hair "So, pal, what are you doing here?"

"I'm just gonna deliver some orders, I work here" (Y/n) answers.

"Well, it's nice that Pigsy got some new help" his big smile falters a bit.

"Were you a friend of Mk?" (Y/n) asks, slightly tilting her head."Yeah...I am" (Y/n) frowns at his reponse.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

(Y/n) sits on a couch holding a cup of tea, being surrounded by an army of cats.

"I haven't see this much cats in my life" "These are my therapy cats, my therapist recommended them to me" Sandy explains, holding a tea cup himself in his big hands. "They help against stress"

A brown cat with white feet climbs on the girl's lap, sitting down.

"If you don't mind me asking, how was Mk? Tang, Pigsy and Mei always avoid the subject" (Y/n) asked, patting the cat on her lap.

"I can't blame you for you curiousity" Sandy chuckles "Mk was a brave young man. He was quite trouble maker, but he had a heart of gold"

(Y/n) looks down at her cup of tea, looking at her reflection in the hot liquid. She turns her gaze back at the giant.

"He sounds like a good person, I would've love to meet him"

"I think he'd also love to know you"

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

I do Sandy always so dirty, he deserves better.

This is the last chapter before revenge of the spider queen aka a pretty important chapter.

It will be longer so it will be in multiple parts. And Redson will finally appear, He's the second person I do very dirty

[theholidayslingerlikebadperfume]

My autistic ass read that and agreed with everything. Literally I don’t do anything romantic with my husband in public except maybe occasionally hug him or hold his hand. Is he my beard?

THAT'S MY POINT.

Like, literally everything they say about Joe is just ableist bullshit and I hate it so much because everything I hear in Taylor's music reminds me soooooo much of my autistic boyfriend, for example "staring at the ceiling with you, you don't really read into my melancholia" is so autistic to me!!!

And i'm not saying joe is definitely autistic but like I said, when you demonize autistic traits, even in allistic people, it will have harmful effects on the entire autistic community.

It's all speculation and guesswork at what Joe is actually like, what he actually thinks and feels and believes, who he actually is as a person and it's not based in any evidence whatsoever.

Like, you just see a quiet, shy, reserved man who doesn't post on social media, doesn't talk about his personal life in interviews and only keeps his public life about his work and you think "oh yes, he forced taylor to give him a grammy because he feels entitled to it for all his hard beard work" that's ableist as fuck, i'm sorry.

It's not the assuming itself, it's what you're assuming and WHY. There is no reason for people to make fun of Joe as much as they do, on both sides of the aisle.

Gaylors and Hetlors all make fun of Joe for "being boring" and it makes me so mad because he's literally just a dude living his life. Why does he have to be "exciting" to deserve respect from the fandom of his girlfriend? Why do we have to call him poor and mediocre and bland, all because he doesn't share his personal life with strangers on the internet?

It feels so fucking ableist to me, because it's me! I'm Joe! If I was famous, I'd be Joe. He just wants to act in movies and go home to his girl and his cats, leave the man alone for fuck's sake.

[atlasecrets]

how is it fair that you continuously betray the trust of the girl who loves you the most, you see all the effort she puts in order to make your relationship work, you see her try to be her best self for you, always cheering you on, always there to listen when you're down, and it's still you who gets to move on and be happy after it's over. i'm tired of saying it's my fault for losing myself because at the end of the day you were supposed to find me. you were supposed to at least try and look for me. at some point i wasn't even there anymore, i was a ghost of myself and you still didn't notice me, you never even cared. you want love without any of the work just so in the end you can blame me for being insane. i was insane, yes, for believing you could be more than you were, for thinking you could ever be right for me. i was foolish for imagining a world in which i would be your priority (out of love, not out of obligation). i was naive for thinking i could spend the rest of my life with someone who treated my feelings like a chore, who i had to beg to spend time with me. you clearly have no issue hanging out with another girl every single night if it's someone you actually like. maybe i'm bitter, but it looks like you don't care who's next to you as long as you aren't alone. i felt like less of a person near you, never fully myself, never had the chance to show who i am because you never cared to ask. how foolish to give all this love to a man who will never emotionally and mentally mature past the age of 16. and that should have been my cue to leave from the start. turns out girls your age do know better. you were in love with your comfort, with your bed, with your computer. trying to be loved by you felt like i was ultimately becoming one of your objects too. no regard for my feelings, no need to keep me updated, i'm just a pretty porcelain doll on your desk, ready to talk when you've grown tired of your friends. it's not fair you get to move on and be happy and fulfill OUR dreams with someone new while i'm still here unpacking all the hurt you left me with, trying to convince myself i'm still worth it, that i deserve better. i shouldn't have to doubt it in the first place. and it's ironic how even now i'm the one left to carry the emotional load of our breakup. you say "it's been two months" like i haven't been stuck in a time loop, replaying everything we had over and over again, trying to find out where it went wrong and how to heal. time passed, but i'm still here, why am i still here? you were my first anything, i knew every inch of your body by heart, i was obsessed with your mind, i went to sleep dreaming of a little house in belgium, our blue-eyed marion, eating crepes at your mom's house, flying every few months to see each other, travelling together, cuddling with your cats on the couch, helping you shave your beard in the morning and so, so much more. i wanted everything with you. and i feel like a ghost again, stuck in a made-up world that never came to be while you're forgetting me more and more as each day goes by and you make memories with someone new. and i meant it when i said she has a beautiful name. an unforgettable one. she sounds like milk and honey, like the way the sunlight was streaming through my window when i woke up this morning and was blinded by its intensity. she sounds like soft footsteps on the bedroom floor, barefoot, cold, making you flinch when she presses up against you in the early morning, your legs intertwining. a gloomy day in france, brightened by her presence and her infectious laughter. she sounds a lot like home. take it from me, though, it's dangerous to make a home out of people who never planned to stay in the first place. i know you don't read these anymore, which is probably why i'm able to write in the first place. "if i loved you less, i might be able to talk about it more." i think i'm starting to love you less. i think this anger is good for me. i'm getting you out of my system and saying it in hopes that it angers you too, but knowing that it won't.

[weirdblueskies]

I miss my ex. But I know I don't want to be with him. I just miss us being together. I miss the company. I miss how the kids listened to him better. I miss the input he had for me regarding parenthood. I miss how he'd snuggle his cat and play with him. I miss his cat. I miss how he interacted with my cat and the dog. I miss his warmth. I miss his sense of humor and his goofiness and how he sang and listened to music so loud. I miss how he'd get me coffee every morning. I miss braiding his hair. I miss painting his nails. I miss plucking his eyebrows. I miss hearing his snore at 7pm when he fell asleep so early. I miss his company. I miss the knowledge he shared with me. I miss messaging him daily. I miss his beard. I miss how attractive he is. I miss doing it (idk if that's censored here). I miss vacations and road trips with him. I miss his scent. I miss so much about him. But I feel lighter and happier and less angry when I'm not in a relationship with him.

I don't miss unmet expectations. I don't miss that there were so many projects he talked about but never acted on. I don't miss how he'd lay his entire body on me and make me feel suffocated and like I couldn't move. I don't miss how if I vocalized that, he'd tell me I didn't like to cuddle. I don't miss being told I only wanted to be with him so I wouldn't be alone. I don't miss how he always played the devil's advocate, turning himself into a victim every time. I don't miss how he was so strict with the kids to the point that I was worried I was too soft. I don't miss having to be the one to do everything even as I'm by myself now and it's solely my responsibility. I don't miss his ideals on feminism and gender roles. I don't miss how he had some very incel-esque opinions. And how he'd post them publicly. It was very embarrassing. I don't miss how he was always "broke". I don't miss the lack of passion and romance. I don't miss being called abusive when I know I'm far from it. I don't miss never going on dates. I don't miss the arguments. I don't miss feeling alone in my relationship because he was always asleep so early. I don't miss being told I didn't let him feel emotions. I don't miss being told I wasn't ready for a relationship. I don't miss him saying he needed to do things and never doing it. I don't miss having to re-explain what I said over and over again. I don't miss feeling unheard. I don't miss being told that I didn't follow through on my word when my word was me being in the mood earlier in the day and not being in the mood later and I don't miss him not taking the initiative to initiate those actions. I don't miss how I had trouble trusting him, though that may be me. I don't miss his instability. I don't miss being told that my anxiety was easily solved. I don't miss that he never quite figured out the method to soothing my anxiety - let me vent and cry and spiral and just be there for me. I don't miss the drama and fretting and paranoia about his ex. I don't miss him being a hypochondriac. I don't miss him being paranoid. I don't miss him believing in flat earth.

I wish things could have been different. I wish he could have been more masculine and I wish I could have been more feminine. I have that issue to work on and I didn't realize it until it was too late. I wish that I would have allowed him in. I wish I was more vulnerable and I hate that I kept him out a bit. But he also saw parts of me no one else has seen. I love him dearly and I hope that we will be friends one day. I hope that he finds happiness and love in the way that he needs.

Adjusting to a new normal after a break up is hard. Adjusting when you initiated the break up and are sad about it is even harder. I know this is what I want and what I need - to not be with him. But he's a good person and he deserves the world and it's just hard to break someone's heart like that.

I genuinely love him. I loved him. But I think he loved me more. And I'm sorry for not realizing that sooner. Everything was if and maybe and back up plans for if we broke up were put in place. I should have known it wouldn't work. I should have been aware. I feel awful we went on for a year and 9 months only for it to end. I don't know when I realized he wasn't the one. But we will each find our person. And hopefully we will come back to each other as friends in the future. Hopefully he won't hate me. He didn't bring me the peace I needed and I didn't either. This is the healthiest relationship either of us has been in and I feel that we learned so much and grew so much and the whole purpose of our relationship was to become better versions of ourselves.

Tumblr is my diary. I put the things I think here and I release them into the universe to aid in my healing. I was unhappy for a long time. That's why I even made this. Part of it was unhappiness within myself but I think it was a denial of the unhappiness within the relationship as well.

I'm terrified of another failed relationship. I'm terrified of any sort of failure. I suppose reframing it to not be a failure would help because just because a relationship doesn't work, doesn't mean it failed or I'm a failure. I just have to remember that.