#personally I think it was a later addition and the hair is unrelated

[otmaaromanovas]

A mysterious item has come up for auction featuring the Tsarevich Alexei Nikolaevich 👇

French auction house Coutau-Bégarie is selling the bluish-mauve enamel and ivory frame. Encrusted with pearls, the frame holds a photograph of Alexei Nikolaevich in uniform, taken in 1911 when the Tsarevich was seven years old.

Even more curious is the inclusion of a large lock of dark brown hair in the back of the frame and the date “5th November 1904” - when Alexei would have been only a few months old. Alexei’s hair colour has been described by those who knew him well as “auburn”, “brown”, and having a “coppery glint”.

Due to this, alongside the fact that the frame does not have any hallmarks or maker marks (unlike most Fabergé frames), I am unsure of whether the frame is contemporary to the photograph, or whether it was a later addition and the inscription and hair are unrelated. 

What do you think? 

The frame is included as part of items with provenance to Irina Alexandrovna, the Romanov children’s cousin. It is currently predicted to sell at a starting point between €400-600

SOURCES AND PHOTOS

📍 Tsesarevich Alexei Nikolaevich photographed in uniform alongside his father, Tsar Nicholas II, in 1911

📍Coutau-Bégarie & Associés, ‘PETIT CADRE PHOTOGRAPHIQUE EN VERMEIL’ - LOT 78’, part of the Russie Impériale auction

📍 Pierre Gilliard, ‘Thirteen Years at the Russian Court’, translator F. Appleby Holt, (London: Hutchinson & Co., 1921), p. 40

📍Sophie Buxhoeveden, ‘The Life and Tragedy of Alexandra Feodorovna’, (London: Longman’s Green and Co., 1929), p. 150

[fellominaarcher]

Got Married -

YOO JIMIN; KARINA

6. "Beauty, you are."

chapters

approx. word counts: 4047

The first night in a bed together...

Nothing dirty or unholy happened that night, but the two talked until Karina was soundly asleep.

She shifted on the bed. "You're not sleepy, yet?" asked the Aespa leader.

Half lidded eyes, her hand cupping her left cheek. Jimin was facing the 'wife'.

Y/N removed some strands of hair from Karina's face. "No." She simply answered.

Tonight, Y/N's admiration was more readily apparent and radiant as she was intently observing the girl in front of her.

"Is everyone out?" asked the older one.

Y/N's eyes glanced towards the door and then back to the girl. "I suppose, as it's quiet now."

The Aespa main dancer sighed in relief and comfort given that she was very worn out.

The younger one swiftly rose from her bed and turned out the lights before going back to bed.

She's now resting on her side, facing the older girl. "Are you really that tired?" she inquired.

She blinked her eyes open. "Yes, you and I both know that doing this job means sacrificing our health," she said, cracking a small smile.

Jang Y/N sneered a little, not in a sarcastic manner but just a way to respond.

"I completely agree."

Jimin swallowed and cleared her throat. "What do you think about being in this show?" the damn question.

Y/N thought it for a moment before responding.

"At first, it was frightful."

The woman inhaled. "Up until this point, I still find this terrifying, especially as an idol and I feel like I'll always be walking on eggshells." she explained slowly.

"For everything that I do."

It is true that idols need to exercise extra caution in all they do, even when they are breathing and eating.

One was despised for being a sluggish dancer, but everyone knows that's not the case.

Another person was despised for dating or the way she enjoyed her strawberries.

Such hatred that there were even falsified allegations against them.

There are no room for idols.

Karina giggled a little. "That's so true, I am hated for face and my pre debut issue was a thing too." She is now giving her side of the tale.

"I enjoy being an idol but I need a getaway sometimes, a break would be okay." Karina proceeded.

They revealed a little of their private lives in addition to the difficulties and rewards of being an idol.

About the people in their group, their family circumstances in general, such as the number of siblings, or what had happened at school.

The two of them basically breaking one other's ice and reshaping it into something positive.

The entire night is theirs alone, and maybe it will bloom into something good and comforting.

Almost a week later....

The cameras are rolling right now as they begin filming for a new episode.

The director kept a close eye on everything on the monitor in front of him.

Karina and Y/N were in the kitchen while Y/N cleaning the table as Karina washed the dishes.

Lunch has ended.

"I know right, that was weird" Karina replied, as they talked about unrelated topics.

It's good to see that they are getting closer; It's believed it has been about a month since they first met.

Although sometimes, there were awkwardness here and there.

But they overcame it as it was for the sake of the ones watching.

"What if we have our day out together?" Y/N suggested as she purposefully coughed.

Karina immediately reinserted the plate into the washbasin and shut off the water.

Don't waste water, okay?

She leaned back against the kitchen counter as she turned around and glanced at the DayDream lead vocalist with a hint of puzzlement.

She used the apron to wipe her hands as well while she was at it.

This caused Y/N to pause what she was doing and turn to face the older female.

She put her palm on the table and added, "Yeah, I said what I suggested."

Karina nodded. "Perhaps we should let the crew know about it though." answered Karina.

The DayDream member said, "I know, I'm telling them right now," with a small smile.

That we'll be spending the day together, let me think for a moment where we should go.' While speaking, Y/N stroked her chin.

All Y/N could think of was, "Random but let's fly to Busan after tomorrow," as she made a thinking look and that was the only thing she could think of.

Karina was somewhat taken aback. "Bu...san?" She stumbled over her words.

She chuckled gently in disbelief at the girl's proposal.

"This is so sudden, why?" asked the beauty.

Y/N shrugged it off. "Because this is our show, and we should improvise as well, as we're the stars," she pointed out.

"Right now in my mind I have been contemplating what we can do in Busan, from the minute we come to our last day, day to night." She proceeded her statement.

Her eyes nearly pleading with the Aespa's leader. "Also, it's a quick trip and rushing trip" She said again, pouting a little.

"There are absolutely no plans at all!" a broad grin from Y/N.

Nothing was on Karina's mind either, as she was already picturing what they could do together.

To determine how she overcame her fear and let herself fall in.

She agreed by nodding. "They ought to book the tickets right away since I really like it." Karina grinned in answer.

After tomorrow, in Busan...

Fans and the media were already aware that the "newlyweds" were travelling to Busan because news in this industry travels quickly.

They have arrived in Busan, boarded the aircraft, exited, and are currently walking towards the vehicle that will pick them up.

With their phones and cameras, so many people are waiting for them outside.

The process of waiting just to most likely to tweet about how they met an Aespa and a DayDream member.

Perhaps some of them would make a video and upload it to TikTok, probably with some edits or whatever they could come up with.

"As always, there were many people," Jimin murmured as she surveyed the scene.

It's now time for them to navigate through the crowds of fans and possibly some Dispatch reporters.

Y/N instantly joined their arms and tugged Karina closer to her.

Karina was taken aback by this unanticipated gesture and took a look at Y/N, unable to comprehend what was happening to her.

She didn't think much about it and simply left it as she started to feel a little nervous as well.

"I'll keep you safe," Y/N said in her ear, sending thrills down her spine.

She wasn't expecting to be able to hear the lead vocalist of Daydream's voice that near, and the ticklish whisper made it nervous for her.

Under the influence of Jang Y/N, Jimin once more became timid, heated up, and internally turbulent.

Y/N are now guiding her as they are assisted by their separate staffs and they make their way to the airport's main entrance.

The staff was attempting to push people aside, and the bodyguards were keeping watch.

When Y/N noticed a large crowd approaching, she immediately changed the hold she had on the girl.

She separated their arms, but since she was a little taller, it was simple for her to put her arm around Jimin's shoulder.

Jimin immediately threw her arm around Y/N's back after observing this.

Embracing one another so closely.

They were both donning identical baseball caps, which they had no idea would match today.

They finally made it out of the crowd after a terrible a matter of seconds.

They inhaled deeply and gave themselves some time to gather themselves.

Successfully entered the car, and the sea of people caused them to start sweating.

The car departed from the airport out of fear that they would miss the hourly hotel check-in deadline.

They finally deposited their stuff in the room after an hour had passed since check-in.

Jimin's breath was a little laboured and she was curled up in a spreading star position on the bed.

Y/N emerged from the bathroom, smirking at Jimin.

She walked towards the bed and sat on it, next to Jimin's form, who was lying on the bed.

Jimin became aware of this. "Are you good?" asked the girl.

"Yeah, I'm good!" Y/N replied cheerfully.

Y/N's smirk intensified. "Let's go!" she hushed in an enticing way.

Hearing that prompted Karina to sit up straight on the bed and stare at the girl in complete shock.

The younger one nodded, saying, "Come with me, we still have a little bit of time before the filming!" as she took the girl's hand.

Y/N released her hand. Our wallets, hold on! She instructed the Aespa leader, "Bring it!"

Karina laughed as she observed this antic since she thought it was so adorable.

Wallets and hotel room cards were among the first things the two took.

"Your money, cards and identification card, put it in my wallet."

Suggested by Y/N.

Jimin was astounded by this and asked, "Are you sure?" before pausing.

Let Me Know - Jimmy Brown

She grasped the older girl's hand and nodded without hesitation, assuring her.

"Trust me," Jang Y/N said.

As Y/N handed Jimin her wallet, she instinctively loaded it with everything she needed while grinning cockily.

They put on their shoes, and Y/N peeked her head out first just to make sure there were no fans or paparazzi following them.

"Madame, the area is secure." Y/N acted like a spy as they had fun.

Jimin laughed. "You're so cute!" Her words of admiration tumbled out.

She was aware of this, but she chose not to dwell on it.

Before a voice called them out, the two were leaving in silence.

They both turned back. "Where are you two going?" They were discovered by a member of the film team.

"We're getting some fresh air," Karina replied, attempting to conceal Y/N.

Protective there, huh?

He grinned, and responded with a few nods. "Be careful!" he yelled-whispered.

The crew urged them to flee before others caught up with them.

Unfortunately, some of the filming workers and the director are currently outside. They're talking about something connected to WGM.

The two, in all honesty, couldn't care less if they were discovered or not right now, be it the WGM staff, Dispatch, or the fans.

After waiting for ten minutes, they hurriedly exited the hotel and got into a cab to head to the Shinsegae Department Store.

The two females forget about the masks as they cautiously make their way around the shop wearing their caps.

Jang Y/N, however, retorted, "Fuck that, let's go!"

"Let's go grab some Boba." offered Jimin.

At least two or three teenagers appear to have seen them as they are waiting for their drinks.

In Korea, the 'newly wed' are currently in trend and garnering interest.

Every auntie would turn on the TV, and kpop enthusiasts would go to great lengths to at least watch their show.

One of the teens approached them a little bit closer, raised her phone, and took pictures of them.

When Y/N became aware of this, she bowed her head at the girl and gave her a smile.

Jimin grabbed their drinks. "Let's go!" she tugged at Y/N's shirt.

Jimin did the same thing; she waved at the teen girl who had taken their photos after spotting her.

They went around the store after finishing their beverages and talking about various things.

Even though they didn't buy anything, the two girls visited a store of clothing and tried on some items.

It was Jimin's idea; she thought it would be enjoyable but made sure not to push herself too hard to avoid irritating the staff.

She tried on some outfits, some grandma's clothes, and even performed as them. She also took on the role of the nasty aunty from a Korean drama.

The two were giggling hysterically over her antics.

They continued to laugh, albeit discreetly, even after the personnel warned them for being too loud.

Y/N dressed up in old man attire and pretended to be a grandfather. She also dressed up and pretended to be on a fashion catwalk.

It was nearing one hour plus that they do that and looking around clothes, talked about what they prefer to wear.

The two girls are having a lot of fun together while the WGM director and a cameraman follow them around secretly.

Recording videos of them, going through it later to see what they can use for the show later.

Invasion of privacy? Typical for idols, we're assuming?

Now they're outside, the sun is about to set in an hour and they decided to go to Millak Waterside Park.

It was a few minutes walk to the park, the two was playing tag instead and jogged around the park.

Y/N successfully caught Jimin, she pulled her not too hard by the shirt.

She laughed at Y/N. "Ah you got me!" she shrieked as the two slowed down.

Growing tired of the chasing game, Y/N walked by her side. "We really went around the park." she said to the Aespa leader.

Jimin sighed, "Yes, we did." she answered lovingly while donning a gentle smile.

Meanwhile, the cameraman who almost tripped following the two up.

"Oi, don't let them out of your sight!" Mr Director scolded him, the two were so chaotic the whole time.

He was hitting the cameraman multiple time. "Look, look they're going there!" he shouted in his face.

The Director rolled on the floor like a spy undercover and followed by the cameraman who jumped out of the hiding place.

"THIS IS A GOLD MOMENT!" he yelled to acknowledge the cameraman.

It's somehow a little comedic the efforts they're making into tailing the so called newly wed.

The two were trying their best to not get caught but somehow they're seen by the people around.

"Yah, they're now at the ship-like statue over there!" the cameraman pointed.

Annoyed, he wanted to hit the guy. "Oi, it's Diamond Cruiser!" He said the name of the ship-like thing the couple were standing in.

Mr Director nodded once and firmly made his way behind the trees nearby.

Followed by the henchman.

In the camera, they're only talking, laughing like drunk people and all of sudden Y/N did push-ups.

Jimin was challenged by Y/N to act like a gorilla and it was accepted, she did it but only for a while because she couldn't.

She couldn't because she instantly laughed at the thought of doing it.

Mr Director hummed, "These two have potential, don't you think?" said him, he was facing the cameraman.

Now it's the cameraman turn to hit the Director many times. "YAH MOTHERFUCKER, LOOK!" He yelled into his face.

He pushed the Director's face so he would look at the couple.

Focusing back on the couple, they're calm now and not doing anything chaotic or crazy anymore.

Probably because they're tired.

Sunset landing trip playing...

"Face that side, you're Rose and I am Jack from Titanic" Y/N said, as she asked the girl to turn around.

Jimin spread her arm and Y/N stood behind her, their fingers touched then she ran her fingers through her arm.

Their heights are just perfect, for each other and for them to see the view from the Diamond Cruiser.

It's almost perfect as the sun was already setting and the orange hue illuminated their faces.

The breeze was also blowing just nice and it wasn't too strong.

Y/N's hands are now holding Jimin's waist, "The world is yours" whispered softly by Y/N.

"Even the stars too?" Jimin asked.

She nodded "Yes, it's all yours. You are the addiction and the wind that blows the flower, Karina" she metaphorically said to her.

"That's your beauty." Y/N ended.

Jimin's head turned towards Y/N. "What does it mean?" asked her, looking at Y/N with curiosity building inside her.

Jang Y/N swore she was falling in love with the view before her eyes. Jimin's side profile made her heart skip.

She was trying to take in the beauty that was laid in front of her, their bodies are so close now.

From her hair that the wind is blowing right now to the hint of sunset in her eyes, the curve of her nose and last, her perfectly shaped lips.

Jimin faced Y/N and looked at her in the eyes "Is that your perspective towards me?" Jimin wanted to know.

The soft sound of the water hitting the tides. "Has always been beautiful but it was enhanced today," Y/N explained.

"You look really beautiful today," Y/N praised her again.

There are colors of sunset painted in Y/N's eyes too and that's where Jimin's eyes laid to.

Unexpectedly, Jimin's heart fluttered at all of this as their activities flashed back into her mind.

The holding hands, the running together and the risk of getting caught.

She realized it thrilled her and awoken the passion inside of her.

It was absolutely unreal to feel but she was scared herself too and the atmosphere right now is light.

So carefree, as if the world belonged to them, and her heart began to skip a beat.

Their faces were so near, and Karina had her eyes closed as Y/N gently leaned against her.

However, the girl turned away from the attempted kiss and leaned her face back.

Upon coming to her senses, Y/N turned her body away from the girl while mentally cursing herself.

Jimin turned aside and stopped in place, her breathing quickening and her heartbeat suddenly accelerating.

Y/N felt terrible and sincerely regrets trying to kiss the older female.

"Jimin, I'm really sorry." she apologized, she felt so terrible.

She apologized three times and Jimin was still staring at her dead, there were no emotions in her face.

Jimin sighed, "It's alright, apology accepted." she stated calmly.

Y/N didn't say anything else but to nod to her words.

"Let's go, we have a dinner to catch!" the beauty reminds Y/N.

Jimin walked away first and followed by Y/N from behind, they have a dinner with WGM crew at the hotel.

Sure, some awkwardness is built between the girls right now.

The walk back to the hotel didn't contain any words except for the common ones.

Mr Director and the cameraman was surprised to see the interaction between the girls.

They agreed that, in order to respect the idols' privacy, they shouldn't show the almost-kiss.

Dinner time...

It wasn't a particularly expensive dinner, more like a company dinner, and everyone was laughing while some enjoyed their alcoholic beverages.

Jimin is seated next to her substitute manager, who was chosen to look after her throughout the duration of the WGM filming.

Y/N was seated across from her, and their gazes occasionally met, along with a quick smile.

People around them were loud, and they avoided getting drunk because they were afraid it would interfere with their work.

Added to the idols' discomfort.

"Have you two talked about what has to happen in the upcoming episode, Karina?" She was questioned by the director, who made a hand motion.

He did so in a questioning way.

She was reluctant to answer, "Aaa-"

The girl was cut off by Y/N. "Yes, we did and I'm sure we'll record some that will be used to the show later" Y/N explained to him.

Mr Director nodded slowly, a hand on his chin, "Good, looking forward to it."

Y/N nodded too, she raised a glass to toast with Jimin and Jimin did the same as she looked away to avoid Y/N's eyes.

One hour later...

Everyone is currently present in Gwangalli Beach for completing the first few episodes' segments.

The lights from Gwangan Beach perfectly illuminate the bridge, making it one of the few tourist attractions in Busan.

Jimin was wandering along the beach by herself, taking in the scenery.

She went on to capture a few pictures.

She could not be careless since she was loving it even if the breeze was pressing in and making her hair fly.

Her phone vibrated as she opened it to check it, and the girls had sent a selfie of the three of them eating together.

[ Unni, we miss you~]

At this, she grinned. She uttered "Oh my" in a whisper.

In addition to trying to capture a selfie to share with the other girls, the girl squatted down to center the camera frame to her face.

My Beauty plays...

While chatting with the girls, she was immersed in her own world. She had no idea that Y/N was standing behind her, watching her.

She wasn't stalking Yoo Jimin, but she was looking for her as well since she wanted to talk to her and avoid embarrassment.

She happened to find her. She felt like she was compelled to watch Jimin as Jimin lived in her own world.

She grinned broadly. "You are too precious for this world," she muttered.

After some time, the DayDream lead vocalist approached Jimin, who jumped a little when she saw Y/N.

"Oh, shoot!" Jimin gasped.

She almost dropped her phone, but she managed to grab it just in time. She was a little displeased that Y/N shocked her.

Y/N bowed and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," while trying to maintain her composure.

"For everything once more," she uttered.

Y/N asked, gazing down, "What are you up to?" coughing a little.

Jimin was crouching and she was standing on the beach.

Jimin breathed in. "Nothing, just taking in the view and talking with my members." she answered.

Y/N nodded while keeping her hands in the pocket and her attention concentrated on the large bridge in front of her.

With the point of her sneakers, she sketched a few random patterns on the sand. "Do you know Busan has a fireworks festival?" She questioned the girl.

The younger idol was deeply embarrassed and berating herself for such a simple query.

Jimin tensed her face. "Yes," she replied icily.

She didn't mean to, but now that Y/N's face is in front of her, their almost-kiss sprung back into her mind.

After that, Y/N said nothing more but backed away and turned to face the other direction.

Jimin observed this and feared it was as a result of her dispassionate response.

She heard Y/N speak a little while later, but she made the choice not to look at her.

"Because there isn't a fireworks festival in Busan right now, I lit up this small firework stick for you," Y/N remarked calmly as she presented Jimin the ignited firework sticks.

Y/N clutched three little firecracker sticks while smiling.

Her gaze is fixated on Y/N. "What do you mean?" she inquired of the younger.

Y/N raised it high. "Imagine it's the sky's fireworks, just like your heart," she stated to Jimin.

Jimin relaxedly sighed. "So the fireworks' gunpowder will ignite and shoot into the air?" She smirked a little and asked Y/N in a bold manner.

The younger girl agreed and responded, "Exactly, but for a good reason."

The Aespa visual, on the other hand, had no response to that comment, and the tension between them got more lightweight.

Y/N took a deep breath. "Jimin, this Busan trip is our honeymoon," Y/N explained simply.

Jimin is still in her squatting position. "Isn't it crazy how we'll be flying back tomorrow?" she remarked.

She only wanted to spend a day in Busan because Y/N wanted to feel the thrill of it so it would be much better.

It was just the two of them on their day out.

"I agree, that is insane." Y/N gently replied, "Because I'm ready to accept the chance of it, whether I am caught or not."

Jimin became aware of the issues she had been contemplating after hearing her response.

[coquelicoq]

new thought: just reread this and the person that the guy describes as an elegant lady with long hair is not necessarily the thief…it's the expert who convinced him to bring his item to the auction:

The item I brought to sell has gone missing… Missing…? They're looking for it, but…how could this happen? I shouldn't have brought it… It meant a lot to my uncle while he was alive. But an expert said they'd introduce me to a good auction. That it would "fetch a high price." I should've known it was too good to be true. I don't want to pry, but…this expert's name…is it Mr. Ban? He's tall and has long hair. A man? Oh, no. It was a woman. Huh? In a black veil…? No. Long hair, yes, but a very elegant and well-dressed lady.

the expert and the thief could be the same person, OR they're working together, OR they're unrelated (there do seem to be a lot of people interested in those items so i could buy them being people who are in competition rather than on the same side). which means the expert who talked to this guy might not even be at the auction, or she might be at the auction but in disguise, or she was in disguise before the auction when she talked to him and isn't anymore (e.g., it could've been shinobu in a dress and wig).

we don't know if this expert talked to tanuma's dad's friend misaka. we do know that ban talked to him at the bazaar‚ and it's implied that misaka told ban that he didn't have the sword (because ban's reaction to seeing tanuma with the sword at the auction is "So that's where it was"), and then, after the conversation with ban (based on the fact that tanuma thinks that the conversation with ban is what made misaka desperate to get rid of the sword), misaka came to tanuma's dad and wanted to get rid of it. but it's possible that some person in addition to ban talked to misaka and it wasn't the conversation with ban that made him desperate.

we know that 7-chan tried to get tanuma to give her misaka's sword at the auction. when he said he wanted to hold onto it‚ she said:

You‚ too? See what I have to put up with? All they had to do was hand them over. After I went to the trouble of sweet-talking them personally. They "want to hold on to it." They'll "send a proxy." I'm not cut out for dealing with such idle fools who simply won't shape up. Oh, just keep it together…I'm almost done. I just have to get through this. This is a pain. Let's just get this over with. and then it looks like she knocks him out and presumably steals the item.

but…what is 7-chan talking about? the "send a proxy" part in particular makes it sound like she's referring to conversations that took place before the auction (i assume it means send a proxy to the auction?), in which case it seems to imply that she's the expert. but also, why would she care who comes to the auction as long as the item is there? i feel like i must be completely misunderstanding what kind of proxy she's talking about.

clara is unaccounted for at the auction and could have stolen the first two items. but if she's the long-haired elegantly dressed expert, she would have had to have had the conversation with the first guy (convincing him to sell his uncle's item) in between inviting herself as natsume's plus one and the actual auction (because before that she didn't think she was going to the auction, so what would be the point?), which appears to have been a single day (unless the conversation in which clara told natsume to bring sensei, when she referred to the auction as "tomorrow's event", was a second conversation, not the same one in which she invited herself).

shinobu could have been the expert if she wore a disguise. and if ban is the one who made misaka desperate to sell the sword, that would check out, since obviously ban works for shinobu (so they just tag-teamed it). but then what's the sweet-talking that 7-chan was doing?

i think that's all the information we have as of chapter 123 (i guess shinobu's thieving must be revealed in later chapters? i didn't see anything definitive about it in vol 30).

who is thieving? why?

“long hair, yes, but a very elegant and well dressed lady”: description of the person who stole the spinning top

shinobu:

seems surprised by first theft (of the spinning top) (could be fake) (she doesn’t seem that good at acting though?)

is obviously involved in thieving by the end. most likely she planned to thieve right away

ban:

obviously wants to steal the sword

could be acting either on his own (a la cat vessels) (unlikely. he’s here with shinobu) or he’s trying to steal for shinobu (likely)

7-chan

seems distressed by thefts at first (could be a ploy?)

obviously stole the sword (for shinobu)

clara

is unaccounted for this entire time. no one knows where she is.

only known character that most closely resembles description of the top thief

if she stole the top, 7-chan had to have stolen it from her. this could be because 7-chan knows shinobu is obsessed with clara, and 7-chan is trying to insert herself in there ahead of clara (because 7-chan is obsessed with shinobu)

[96thdayofrage]

What you tell a child will vary based on the age of the child, their level of interest, and their race and/or yours may be a factor. One thing that is essential is that they are told the truth. Unfortunately, there are many different stories being told about the same events which mean parents may have to step up their game regarding the facts of slavery. If you’re going to say a schoolbook is wrong, you better be able to back it up.

In 1977, the mini-series Roots captivated the nation and started a conversation about slavery that may never be duplicated. There were only three basic television networks at the time, the show’s 130–140 million viewers equaled more than half of the US population at the time of 221 million. Each of the eight episodes still ranks among the top 100 most-watched episodes of all time. If someone managed to avoid watching Roots, it was almost impossible to avoid discussions of the show. People in America were talking about slavery.

I had a chance to re-watch Roots recently which is available on-demand on my cable subscriber. Knowing what I now know about slavery, it’s amazing how much information was slipped into the show, including the ever-changing laws that targeted slaves, even after they were freed. It also captured the real fear of white people during and after the Nat Turner rebellion.

Before I take this conversation in a whole different direction, many of the commenters mentioned watching documentaries or movies as a family and discussing them afterward. In addition to Roots, one might consider the PBS Series: Slavery and the Making of America, 500 Years Later, Roots of Resistance: The Story of the Underground Railroad, or Over the River… Life of Lydia Marie Child, Abolitionist for Freedom. There are also several children’s books about slavery including If You Lived When There Was Slavery in America, Henry’s Freedom Box, and All Different Now: Juneteenth, the First Day of Freedom. Many of the children's books have YouTube videos with the author reading the book aloud. Questions from the children should be expected, your ability to answer them may vary. If you don’t know the answer, don’t be afraid to say that, but commit to trying to find the answer and discuss your plan to do so.

There were responders who indicated they would say nothing at all to their children. I respectfully submit that children will learn something from somewhere about slavery and those parents might wish they had more involvement. There is a lot of rewriting of history even today. Many purported historians make excuses for slavery and praise the Founders for their foresight which led to the end of slavery in America. There is a part of the Constitution; Article 1, Section 9: Clause 1, which establishes that the US could not eliminate the International Slave Trade for at least twenty years.

Article 1, Section 9: Clause 1

Clause 1. The Migration or Importation of such Persons as any of the States now existing shall think proper to admit…

They say it was a plan to eventually phase out slavery. I interpret it as something far more diabolical which combines protectionism with the forced breeding of domestic slaves in order to generate higher profits on their sale. If you’re going to talk to children about slavery be sure to get it right. If you choose never to speak to your children about slavery, you risk allowing them to be misinformed and led astray.

In 1808, America banned the import of slaves from Africa and the West Indies. The impact on actual slavery in America…

medium.com

“Those Who Do Not Learn History Are Doomed To Repeat It.”

There was a response from a white woman with two black grandchildren ages 13, and 11. She said, “They are getting to the age where they need to know these things, but I’m lost.” In her case, I think I’d ask the children’s parent(s) if available what their plans were to discuss slavery and try to reach some consensus. Going alone without their involvement could create a bad situation which ultimately affects everyone’s relationship. Assuming you go forward; I’d begin with a discussion about what they have experienced at their ages specific to being black. You, as well as black parents and grandparents, will likely have to cover many topics including the civil rights movement, African civilizations, and black hair. Don’t be overwhelmed by what you don’t know, a trip to the library or a targeted Internet search may prove extremely helpful. I would suggest going at their pace, not force-feeding them if they’re not ready. and preparing for the possibility that the discussion never really ends. I’m still learning as will you and them.

There’s another category for which I got no responses, though I have hundreds of white Facebook friends. What do white people tell their white children about slavery? They shouldn’t assume they’ll be taught everything they need to know in school. They should take an interest in the curriculum and find out what is being taught, discuss with their children what they’re learning. Look for opportunities to supplement their learning, providing them the same books, videos, and documentaries I’ve suggested to black parents. Pay attention to their discussion about children and teachers of other races. Look for teachable moments about equality, study the histories of various cultures beyond your own.

Slavery was horrific, but it’s part of America’s past and shouldn’t be forgotten or dismissed. In an unrelated discussion about events during slave times, I was told (via the Internet), “that was 200 years ago, who cares?” In another discussion with a white co-worker about a race massacre that had occurred not 10 miles from where we were standing, he said, “Why would you want to bring any of that up? It will just create problems.” There are many who would like slavery to be a forgotten part of America’s history. This country was literally built by slaves and that contribution has never formally been acknowledged or compensated. Even today, the equivalent of slave labor is utilized in several nations, some of which benefits Americans who look the other way. The more we educate our own population, the better we can make the world. It all begins with teaching the children.

[ct-multifandom]

AINI predictions 2

Because I keep making editing and making additions to the first one

Mizuki’s gonna accidentally call Date dad and then try to deny it and act all tsundere

Please?

The Masked Woman is either Amame or Kizuna

Looking back on the box art, I think those designs at the bottom might be the Mizuki-time ones. Amame and Kizuna, who are teens in Ryuki-time, look different, like Kizuna is missing her hat for example and Amame seems to have her hair down instead of pigtails. Interesting that that Masked Woman isn’t on the box art as her own character. Implying that she’s one of the people already there, perhaps?

the purpose of the Hidden Bats experiment is probably to test bugs in the “simulation”.

Tokiko and Naix believe in the simulation theory and want to escape the matrix. We already know they’re associated with Sunaiku and the Bats videos. One of the secret messages in the ARG talks about how superhuman abilities are considered glitches in The Simulation, so they could be testing the subjects’ SHIFT abilities to locate and break that “seam” Tokiko wants to find.

About the timeline thing from the last post

Okay so I saw on another post and in an official game preview video that there is a no-spoiler mode in the game for people getting into the games through the sequel (which is a silly thing to do but,,,) it seems like AINI is a direct sequel from the true ending of AITSF, but all the promotional material is on no-spoiler mode, which makes Date look different and removes references to the last game, for obvious reasons. This would mean that Iris got her tumor removed, Date is actually in his own Yagyuu body, and Saito and his victims are dead.

Hidden Bats, like AI and ZE, has branching paths, but as normal people in real life, not SHIFTers, we can only experience one route

This one is kinda crack and stretchy, but I can’t get over the Phia Hanadate asset. Maybe it means literally nothing and I sound like the person who thinks actual trash in an escape room is a clue, but someone got paid to sit down and draw that portrait. If she was replaced by Iris at the last minute, she must’ve had a story prepared. Maybe she was the one who hit Kairo while driving recklessly or under the influence or something, and then later coincidentally became a victim of whatever criminal activity he was involved in? Some people think Uchi was trolling dataminers, but would he really make a whole character just to surprise the few people who have the skills to find her?

Maybe each experiment of HB changed based on the decision we made in the previous round. This is just me spitballing ideas, but maybe if we saved Aine and Binato or just Binato then the second experiment would have been different somehow, or if we saved either Lumina or Mariha the third would be affected. For example, maybe if Binato wasn’t removed, Phia would’ve been in Iris’s place, or if Lumina and Mariha didn’t tie, Kairo would’ve been replaced with an AI character as well. Who knows.

Date is in a polycule with all his coworkers

This is obviously already canon so idk why I’m even adding it to the post

The game will end with a group dance sequence set to Duality by Slipknot

Nah but I do predict that there will be a new dance to a new song. Iris, Amame, and Kizuna do dance together so that might lead in to a new number. I was thinking of making a post analyzing the lyrics to Invincible Rainbow Arrow because I noticed that some of the ominous words from that song seem more relevant now than they were in the first game, especially with the involvement of Naix and new lore about Iris’s tumor.

Komeji and Shoma are gonna have a wholesome yet unrelated-to-the-case subplot like the Matsushitas did. I’m actually putting a minor spoiler warning on this one because I’m so sure of it.

I think I accidentally figured out their arc from everything that’s available to us rn. Also, someone, don’t remember who, said in an interview that Komeji is one of their faves, which is interesting. Komeji is divorced and Shoma is his son. Following the game’s theme of having two halves, Komeji has two metaphorical halves, his comedian self who wears the block head, which I imagine is fake (?), and his self outside of work. If it is fake, he literally has two faces. He can’t balance these two sides at first and is always playing the comedian role, causing his wife to leave him and his son to resent him, but later on, he learns to pay more attention to his home life as well. He mends his relationship with Shoma, allowing his two halves to exist in equilibrium.

[sugarcomatosed]

On Miyuki Inaba and Macross:

I’ve heard nothing but love for wave 2-10 of destruction; but I’ve realized that the scene loses some of its magic for western audience because they don’t know it’s a shout out. 

So today I want to break down for you today the biggest reference in 13 Sentinels you most likely missed out on; Miyuki Inaba, Lynn Minmay and The Super Dimensional Fortess Macross.

Join me under the cut for massive spoilers for Sentinels of course, and a nearly 40 year old anime you’ve never seen.

I think everyone knows Sentinels is chock full of sci-fi shout outs. From War of the Worlds, to Terminator, The Matrix, heck even GroundHog’s day, the list goes on and on. Most western audiences will be able to spot the bulk, so why haven’t you heard of Macross?

Simply put, copyright battles. In 1985, Hamorny Gold stitched together three unrelated animes to create Robotech. One of the anime series involved was Macross and Harmony Gold has kept a tight leash on the copyright preventing the series from ever getting a real proper English release ever since.

...so what is Macross?

Well, in super blunt Wikipedia stolen summaries:

Macross (マクロス, Makurosu, English: /məˈkrɒs/) is a Japanese science fiction mecha anime media franchise/media mix, created by Studio Nue (most prominently mechanical designer Shōji Kawamori) and Artland in 1982. The franchise features a fictional history of Earth and the human race after the year 1999, as well as the history of humanoid civilization in the Milky Way. It consists of four TV series, four movies, six OVAs, one light novel, and five manga series, all sponsored by Big West Advertising, in addition to 40 video games set in the Macross universe, 2 crossover games, and a wide variety of physical merchandise.

If you asked me to boil the series down to it’s three staples I’d pick the following three elements. Big robot fights, love triangles and music, usually all interplaying together to make some of the most exciting fight scenes in anime.

The series is going strong in Japan ever since its 1982 release, with the most recent series Macross Delta’s newest film “Absolute Live!!!!!!” getting its first teaser trailer days before I sat down to write this post. It’s insanely big in Japan and you’ve probably seen a half dozen Macross references if you’ve watched a sci-fi anime before. Most likely the signature missile blast.

Sentinels pulls specifically from the 1984 film: the Super Dimensional Fortress Macross: Do You Remember Love? The story is largely a shortened version of the first tv series which aired in 82 and is considered in canon a film retelling of the events.

The film focuses on a colony ship adrift through space suddenly being attacked by an alien race called the Zentardi, it’s both a war film and a very quiet drama all tangled up in the three central characters of Hikaru Ichijo, the young pilot, Misa Hayase, one of the bridge officers and then Miss Macross herself; Lynn Minmay.  An idol singer aborad the ship who has during its journey become a huge celebrity after starting as a simple waitress at her family’s restaurant. 

Minmay is considered something of the face of the series and while other characters may never come up again in its extended universe, the story of Lynn Minmay is akin to legend in later entries in the seires. 

When mankind was faced with these invaders, there was one simple thing that managed to send the enemy into disarray, the music of Lynn Minmay shocked the Zentardi who had no concept of culture and music. They end up capturing her and the other two leads during the course of the film and while the others manage to escape; Minmay is trapped behind with the Zentardi.

They eventually ask her to look and exam a relic they’ve kept on board their ship, and Minmay discovers it’s of all things, a song.

So, if isn’t obvious enough by this description alone, Miyuki is modeled after Minmay. It’s not a 1 to 1, but the curls in her hair and the style of her outfit make it even more obvious.

They have a lot of the same general vibes too, Minmay over the course of the film becomes a tragic melancholic figure and a symbol of the war effort against her will. Her sweet dreamy smile and glittering energy become subdued as she faces set back over setback. She remains strong up until a point behind her facade of confidence until she discovers Hikaru now has feelings for Misa. Culminating in the finale of the film where a despair filled Minmay refuses to sing because it all seems pointless.

Miyuki foils this of course with her journey from the plucky Tomi Kisaragi of a prior loop to a ghost in the machine; a somber beautiful figure but a changed person. She only has this role she’s taken on in the end. All she can do to impact the out come of this fight is sing and hope Shu hears her.

In the finale, Minmay is given a wake up call and asked by Hikaru to sing her song and try to save the lives of everyone left aboard the macross. Roused from her despair, Minmay agrees and the final battle is set to the tunes of the song the Zentardi had shown her, now with lyrics Misa had translated. At long last reaching them and halting the conflict.

This is of course, what 2-10 is a direct reference too. Miyuki sings Seaside Vacation until she can’t be heard any longer.

Even if you’ve never seen the film, the clip alone is a treat in itself. It’s a lovely piece of animation 

But Macross’s influences go deeper than just Miyuki and the original Macross. In Macross Plus, the primary idol is the artificial intelligence Sharon Apple. She is also it’s major villian as her AI becomes destabilized during the course of the film.

With the illegal modifications installed in Sharon takes control of the capital of Earth with her music and nearly destroys the city. Miyuki’s character is all Minmay, but her role in the story is a heroic Sharon Apple.

And outside of Miyuki, Macross references and influences can be spotted in Tomi’s story in which she and Nenji are trapped in 2025 and he begins to fall for her mirrors the arc that occurs between Hikaru and Misa after they escape the clutches of the Zentardi. The pair find themselves trapped on a mysterious planet, which turns out to be Earth rampaged by the Zentardi. Misa and Hikaru’s hostility towards each other fades as they try to come to grips with this truth. They spend a long time alone in the ruins and eventually fall in love before eventually being saved by the Macross. Which, is roughly what occurs in Tomi’s story between her and Nenji.

Shu’s story as well, with the minor focus on his confusion of his feelings towards Tomi and Yuki are also arguably a tongue in cheek reference towards the series many Love triangles, which aren’t always true triangles but always remain a corner stone of the series. 

Does Shu actually have feelings towards Tomi? No but she’s showing up everywhere and it’s left him a little out of sorts and plays into the misinformation sentinels feeds you, leading you to think there’s a triangle of some sorts:

Maybe they’re stretches, but considering it was stated in an interview the film was a huge inspiration for the game, I wouldn’t be shocked. I found the interview on twitter back in November but can’t track it down now and I’m v. sad

There’s also the matter of the Protoculture.

The Macross is a massive colony ship, sent out into space with the goal of returning to earth after a long space voyage to insure humanity’s survival, much like the probes the 2188 colony sent out. Misa and Hikaru return to find this was the only thing that’s had prevented humanity from being wiped by the Zentardi.

While on earth, Misa and Hikaru manages to discover a set of ruins of a highly advanced civilization that had created both humanity and the Zentardi. The protoculture.

The logs they manage to Find reveal that their inventions grew too great and they have all but disappeared from the universe, but humanity in the end are aliens as well. The invading Zentardi were just tools used by the Protoculture to wage war on itself and contributed to the death of their people.

The song Minmay sings is a relic of the Protoculture, an ancient highly advanced civilization from thousands of years ago.

Now Hm. Why does that sound familiar? What was it Fluffy said about 2188 and the Deimos code....

They’re obviously not 1-1 references, but Sentinels was such a labor of love that pulled from so many genres it’s nice to see such an iconic series get a well thought out reference. 

I hope this was something of a fun read and gives you a better love of Miyuki and 2-10.

I don’t know if I’d recommend getting into Macross if you liked Sentinels, but if you’re interested send me an ask and I could probably give you a helpful breakdown. I love both series so much and consider them my top two sci-fi! 

[sepublic]

Recognizing Lilith’s Progress

           You know what? Perhaps I’ve been too harsh towards Lilith, at least in regards to her relationship with Eda specifically. I think we need to remember that while Lilith really WANTED Eda to join the Emperor’s Coven for thirty-something years… She always made it a point to vouch for her sister’s freedom, as seen when Lilith destroys those Wanted Posters at Covention just so the two could get into a petty squabble. And as we see at the end of Sense and Insensitivity, she WANTED to let Eda make the choice and decision, on her own, to join the Emperor’s Coven… Lilith wanted it to be fully voluntary and was completely willing to wait as long as it’d take (which would actually be an eternity) for Eda to change her mind.

           And, obviously there’s that disrespectful assumption that Eda WILL eventually change her mind, that it’s an inevitable sort of thing she has to figure out, that Lilith’s way is objectively right and it’s just a matter of Edalyn realizing the truth… But still. I think it hints at some potential growth and maturity, or at least an implicit acknowledgement of Eda’s genuine issues with the Emperor’s Coven that are unrelated to the curse- Hence why Eda makes it clear that she’s not joining Belos anytime soon to cure her curse, so Lilith never brings it up again until after THAT specific revelation… Lilith gets it, she gets that Eda has had reasons beyond the curse to despise the Emperor’s Coven, she figured that much out by now- Lilith just needs to realize that those reasons are actually valid, and/or that the Coven System’s benefits do NOT outweight the cons that Eda has to list.

           Sure, maybe this just indicates Lilith of being particularly ignorant, because she’s willfully ignorant to facts she knows deep-down… But maybe it’s also Lilith beginning to make tenuous progress towards understanding Eda, and eventually confessing to the curse on her own terms. But of course, Belos has to ruin this- He rushes and pressures Lilith, who is clearly unhappy about entering Eda’s space in Wing it like Witches, instead of waiting for Eda to intiate contact on her own terms. And you can tell, because Lilith still humors Eda’s Grudgby game and the terms set- She doesn’t WANT to force Eda, and is looking for any reason not to, in addition to wanting to hang out with her sister as always. And maybe this is just indicative of Lilith’s cowardice because she knows she can’t take Eda on in a fight, even with the curse…

           And speaking of cowardice, perhaps Lilith choosing to look the other way and bend the law for Eda, but not outright joining her, was indicative of indecision too; Lilith didn’t actively choose nor desire to cut ties with Eda and make her an enemy, it was just supposed to be a one-time thing and ideally, the two would remain best friends and sisters even after it. But Lilith couldn’t take a full stance with the Emperor’s Coven, or with Eda- She had to choose between the two, but really thought both options were actually reconcilable. Not to mention, Lilith still could’ve chosen to at least share the curse…

          But I can also see her justifying this because the Emperor’s Coven wouldn’t accept a half-cursed witch, and Lilith –corectly- saw the EC as a means of curing Eda… So it’d just be a matter of putting off this treatment in favor of a full-on cure, later down the line. Still, damage was dealt, and as Dana herself confirmed; Even if Eda had been cured, her hair would’ve still been gray. And clearly Lilith was being a little selfish and a coward herself, not wanting to bear any part of the curse, nor handle the social ostracization she subjected Edalyn towards with it.

           But considering how Lilith eventually makes the choice to save Eda from petrification, even at the risk of losing her spot in the Emperor’s Coven (not necessarily the requirement up until Belos catches her), I think it’s safe to say that if Lilith hadn’t already reached that understanding/epiphany a long time ago- We were actually watching her do so as the season progressed, seeing Lilith realize what she had to finally do after years of procrastination. We’ve known through her introduction that Lilith has been bending the law for Eda, even if she doesn’t approve, and now she’s possibly beginning to; Things HAD been changing, potentially for the better, maybe Lilith had been taking initiative to truly grow…

          I think there were genuine moments when after seeing how Eda felt, Lilith legit considered confessing, particularly near the end of Covention and Sense and Insensitivity; That she wasn’t so dead-set on taking this truth to her grave, that maybe Lilith realized that considering how much Eda had done for her by opening up emotionally, or rescuing Lilith… Even if it wasn’t ‘technically necessary’, Lilith still owed it to Eda to be honest, with the added benefit of Lilith’s own conscience being relieved. Maybe Lilith really was shaping up to confess on her own terms, in a healthy and calm environment…

          Until again, Belos has to ruin it. I think Lilith growing as a person and beginning to understand Eda, in addition to the impending Day of Unity, was what convinced Belos to intervene; Because now Lilith’s loyalty was in question, and so in a test Belos sets the ultimatum of either having Lilith prove her loyalty andcompetency, or else just die and no longer be a nuisance to him. Either he wants to reverse Lilith’s development, or else just be rid of her as a threat completely. I really do feel that Eda and Lilith had been making progress prior to Belos’ interference; Or maybe, his interference DID help, because you need to get through the worst to really achieve the best.

          Lilith and Eda weren’t truly going to make amends until both sisters confronted the darkest feelings they felt towards one another and conquered them, together- And Belos hastened Lilith’s confession, and got it out of the way to pave the way for reconciliation… As an unintended byproduct to his ACTUAL goals, of course, because again- He really doesn’t care for people, they’re more afterthoughts to him if not tangentially relevant. And there are certainly better ways to get the sisters to be honest than what he set up… Eda and Lilith did something with that situation, only because sometimes you just have to work with what you get. And what you got could’ve been so much better, which means it was unnecessarily terrible.

          But, back to the subject: Belos has to threaten to execute Lilith, and now she’s terrified for her life, her own role model will kill her if she doesn’t do what she wants… And in her justifiable panic –she has until the end of the day to do this and she’s already burnt through half of it- Lilith gets VERY stressed-out… She feels very insecure, and she defaults to some petty mindsets and feelings that she’d normally avoid. Believe it or not, people tend to think good, mature, and rational things in a healthy and comfortable environment, VS a cult that is promising death if you don’t comply within a very short and unreasonable amount of time, to do something you’ve incredibly uncomfortable with.

           Maybe there was some relief in Lilith, when Eda arrived for that final duel- That now the blame was kind of out of her hands, because it wasn’t HER choice to force Eda, this was just Belos, maybe there’s some roundabout gratitude towards him for taking Eda’s capture into his own hands, and thus absolving Lilith of some of the painful responsibility by low-key ‘doing it’ for her… This isn’t REALLY Lilith’s choice, this isn’t really her own actions, it’s Belos’, especially since Lilith is being threatened- And so she justifiably doesn’t have to feel bad for her part, because it’s just Belos forcing her to do this! And while she’s not totally wrong…

          Lilith still chose to take Luz hostage, not to mention this connects back to that discussion about how you still have moral culpability, even if you’re just ‘following orders’, or if your situation is so un-ideal that you have to do terrible things to survive (plus Belos certainly wasn’t acting out of any concern for Lilith either). Perhaps Lilith saw the situation as unchangeable, so there was no point in fretting over the cons, and instead she should just focus on the bright side of things- That Eda will get to be with her and will be cured of the curse, and so Lilith looks a little too happy to see Eda arrive for that duel! And as I said- Any smug satisfaction she has from carrying out her job is more from Belos, it’s not actually a reflection of Lilith, just her relief that Belos isn’t going to kill her!

           Of course, like I said- When Lilith is stressed out or not feeling so great about herself… She can default to some toxic mindsets as a pick-me-up. Hence why she brings up being better than Eda through the curse, because what right does Eda have to lecture her about morals and responsibility, when clearly Eda is the irresponsible criminal who adopted this random human? Eda can’t imagine what it’s like for Lilith, trying so hard to be patient all those years, putting in the effort and humility to finally work around with Eda and to adapt to her, to better understand Eda’s thought process… Eda has no idea what it’s like being threatened by Emperor Belos, Lilith isn’t as strong and independent as her, it’s not as easy to protect herself or go off and do her own thing!

          And what does Eda know about Lilith being a bad person for cursing her, Eda doesn’t know that Lilith expected the curse to be just for a day, that she was a child who was scammed, duped, and tricked by an adult- Eda doesn’t know what it’s like to not be as talented, to be so terrified of being left behind! So yes, Lilith IS weaker than Eda… And what about it? If Eda were in Lilith’s spot, she’d do the same- So don’t act so high-and-mighty, there IS a difference between the two of us and our situations; So now that you’ve acknowledged this, stop judging Lilith for it! Stop yelling at Lilith, hating and judging her for not being good enough like everyone else does, like Lilith does to herself, as Belos does now… Don’t forget YOU’RE not so high-and-mighty yourself, not all of the time- So remember those moments of weakness and what it felt like, whenever you judge me, try being in MY shoes, and remember what it was like in them!

          If this is how you feel about and treat me, then maybe you DESERVED to be cursed, so you could be on my level and realize how you’ve always made me feel- That this was the only way you could understand, the only way you and I could see eye-to-eye and truly reconcile! Can’t you see Lilith is TRYING, it’s already hard enough as-is, can’t you appreciate what Lilith DID manage to do and accomplish, you’re just like myself and everyone else, always ignoring that and focusing on where Lilith screwed up! If you’re disappointed that Lilith went that far, well news flash- She’s ALWAYS gone that far, she’s not the perfect person you expected her to be, Edalyn, try paying more attention next time and being considerate of this! This is not Lilith’s decision, can’t you tell- You speak so much of Belos making people do terrible things and being harsh to them, can’t you remember this when he’s literally right there, watching us!?

          I’m your own sister, who’s done everything for you, we’ve known each other for decades and I’ve been putting in the agonizing work to understand you; Why are you prioritizing some random human you just met, a human who enables your bad behavior, over me?! Lilith didn’t want this, she didn’t take joy in this, Eda is forgetting that Lilith has a lot to lose herself… And now it’s coming down to her own LIFE, too! Lilith isn’t enjoying this, stop assuming the worst, that there’s so much more malice from her than there actually is, can’t Eda tell how much Lilith cares, how much it’s been eating her up on the inside over what happened…

          Lilith is TIRED of feeling terrible and she just wants someone to understand, to listen to her, to get it! She’s used to accepting the blame and the guilt, when can someone finally tell Lilith that it’s okay, that you tried your best and it’s not the end of the world… I can see how she got so indoctrinated by the Emperor’s Coven, as it must’ve given her that false sense of validation, when Lilith felt she wasn’t getting any from Eda; But in the end, she realized that Belos’ support and the glory of her spot was all superficial and conditional. But before that, Lilith in her pure stress confesses to cursing Eda, as a culmination of all of her insecurities, her frustrations at herself and others, and a desperate desire to feel seen and heard in a way that she hasn’t beforehand… To have an intimate part of her recognized, even if that means admitting to her worst sin.

           Then she backtracks, she realizes what she’s done, because this is Lilith- And even if she has issues with fixing her problems, she’s at least somewhat learning, or at least not repeating certain mistakes. Lilith remembers that she’s being unfair to Eda, and she panics in the revelation of Eda now TRULY hating her, which was something Lilith always feared. Lilith pointlessly brings up how she can cure the curse, and in retrospect… I think she was fully aware, both from a conscious and deep-down standpoint, that curing Eda’s curse wouldn’t undo the damage, but she resorted to it as damage control anyway because that was what she was used to- In moments of stress, Lilith does things she’d normally know better than to do.

          Lilith tried to de-escalate the revelation by claiming she could help cure the curse, even though Eda’s known for this for a long while- And I think she tried to reframe the cure as coming from her, not Belos, so Eda will feel more open to the idea, as Lilith mentions that SHE can cure it, when in reality it’s more like she can –supposedly- convince Belos to do so. After all, if Lilith is curing the curse, then surely Eda doesn’t mind getting treatment from her, because it’s not like Lilith would DEMAND anything of Eda in return… She’d definitely feel entitled to it, but Lilith has always made a point beforehand to still respect Eda’s boundaries, to an extent- And I don’t think it’s just an issue with tracking down Eda, either.

           Of course it wouldn’t matter if Lilith fully had the power to cure Eda’s curse on her own and did it purely of her own good will, because Eda still hates the Emperor’s Coven, and I think Lilith has reached that point where she’s forced herself to acknowledged this. But she panics and brings up the cure as a distraction, because Lilith remembers that she’s doing this all for Eda, that she DOES love her sister and always will, no matter how aggravating Eda can be, because she’s all that Lilith truly has left. Lilith knows she’s grasping at straws, but she may as well try anyway; She’s reminding herself and Eda that in the end, she regretted the curse and would rather have it gone than stay… That there’s no need to worry Eda, Lilith isn’t going to curse her a second time, not even now! All of this work has been done to CURE the curse, remember…?

          Lilith DOES have remorse, and she’s been putting in the work and Lilith really thinks it’s paid off, she really thinks her work in the Emperor’s Coven has guaranteed a cure from Belos- And if only Eda would just listen and be proud of her for this, and realize and acknowledge that Lilith has grown since then, that she’s made progress from never wanting to repeat that mistake, to attempting to undo it… Lilith is basically trying to damage-control her confession by admitting that yes she’s made a mistake, but she’s grown since then and put in the effort to undo it, and I’ve succeeded in finding a cure! I’m not a total failure, don’t turn your back on me now, I’ve CHANGED since then, the Lilith who cursed you is now gone Eda, you never had to worry about her now because she left, all those years ago!

          So Eda can understand why Lilith didn’t think it was necessary to confess, it’d have just caused the two of them needless pain, as you can probably feel right now…! Sure I wasn’t perfect after all, but you can at least now appreciate how I’ve grown! That’s what you’ve wanted, right- For me to grow and improve, to be the older sister you deserved, to learn from my mistakes? Well, it turns out I HAVE been… Even if it also turns out that yes, there were even more mistakes I made that you never knew about, but if I can fix those, then I can fix the rest, so pleasedon’t give up on me! I haven’t been static, I’ve actually been actively improving over the years, I just… have a LOT to work on, okay, and it just seemed like I didn’t and that I wasn’t doing anything. Lilith wanted Eda to remember that this revelation was something Lilith herself had always known, and yet she still chose to vouch for Eda and bend the law, look the other way for her sister, for years… So please remember this! That all that happened AFTER her worst mistake…

          Lilith really wants to believe she’s stopped hurting her sister and is past that, because the last time she hurt Eda it REALLY had the worst possible impact on the two of them. It’s a desperate reassurance, that yes Lilith has acted smug about the curse in the past, but you should listen to reason Edalyn, try to approach this from a calm standpoint unlike how I just did, if you’re allegedly so much better than me (and I admit this fact). Except Eda IS being reasonable here, Eda isn’t fighting Lilith and avoiding her just because she felt like it, she doesn’t take any joy in this either, and both sisters are mutually trying to survive the depraved situation that Belos set up to put them at each other’s throats.

          And sure, Lilith is trying to soften the blow by conceding that Eda’s emotional reaction to the confession is reasonable itself, that Lilith does indeed understand and consider how Eda feels, Eda just needs to make her actions sensible too; Eda has issues with Lilith not understanding her feelings/decisions and not seeing them as valid, so Lilith insists she actually does! But Eda’s trying to do what she thinks is best for herself AND Luz, who Lilith has characteristically disregarded.

          It’s worth noting that Lilith never brings up, “I won’t hurt Luz/I can heal her if she GETS hurt” to deter and calm down Eda, because she still has a lot more understanding to do. Really, I think Lilith is just so tired of admitting that she’s wrong and has messed up… So when confronted with yet another major example of this (capturing Luz) she doesn’t want to admit it because Lilith wants to believe she’s grown past her old self, that she’s no longer the fool she was and can’t make mistakes regarding this stranger, much less Edalyn; In addition to wanting Eda to make concessions for once, because Lilith feels like Eda has been unfair to her in some ways, especially since Eda didn’t know Lilith was at fault.

          I feel like Lilith just wants to be valued, to have her efforts and achievements, and what little progress she does, be acknowledged… And to be reassured by the knowledge that she IS improving, that she won’t always be a screw-up; I can see why the Coven System’s rhetoric of “If you put in the effort then surely things will get better” is such an attractive lie to Lilith… In addition to wanting to ignore how the Emperor’s Coven also turns around, and insists that most witches will only ever be good at this one innate talent for the rest of their life, so that’s the only thing they should stick to. Lilith wants to believe she isn’t like the rest, that she can grow and improve herself and be on top, that she’s the exception that the Coven System accepts as part of its Emperor’s Coven. Being a part of that group is basically being told that you’re better than everyone else, and the existence of a hierarchy is worth it to Lilith if she can have the chance for such validation, even at the expense of others… Especially, really.

          And now that Lilith is at the Owl House, I’d really love to see Luz “We can fix this together” Clawthorne Noceda provide some support, if she’s willing… I think she can understand how it feels to not have your efforts to improve and grow be appreciated. Then there’s King, who I think has a LOT he can relate to with Lilith, over being someone who feels obligated to do terrible things, and justifies it because he’s not as well-off as others, and it’s unfair to judge him because you have it so much easier, you don’t know what it’s like for him! And maybe Eda could make it clear to Lilith that she DID understand, she always thought the world of her, and every little action Lily did for Eda’s sake meant a lot… Maybe Eda needed to be a bit more upfront about her appreciation herself, as did Lilith.

          Of course, there’s also the revelation of the curse to go over as well, but… In the end, Eda just wants the best of Lilith, so every time Lilith DOES make progress, it really meant everything to her. She even sort of appreciated the lengths that Lilith was willing to go for her, to an extent- But when you consider what Lilith did to others (such as Luz), and how she did things that Eda never asked her to do; All while Lilith expected compensation for these efforts because she wasn’t totally altruistic (while expecting Eda to appreciate this under the lens of Lilith being a good sister, and not Lilith actively making up for something she caused)… It sometimes felt more like a disregard of Eda, rather than an actual regard. I can imagine Lilith letting the guilt of her mistakes crash down on her, and become resigned to the idea of being terrible and causing harm, and admitting that of course Eda had all of these expectations for Lilith that she’d never been able to live up to; She WAS the older sister, it was Lilith’s responsibility by blood to do that, and she failed! No wonder Eda depises her so…

          And while those feelings did occur briefly with the capture of Luz, I think Eda and Luz can reassure Lilith that she HAS done good, that her change of heart was amazing to them, and it’s given them hope for Lilith. She’s no hopeless cause, Lilith has provided them plenty of reason not to give up on her, just recently she gave her best reason why by freeing Eda! And maybe Eda can admit that if Lilith went this far, and did these terrible things- Then maybe she wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind, and that needs addressing above all else. Eda DOES care, and it’s that care and love that led to her being so disapproving and distraught over what happened to Lilith, because she saw it all as harmful to her sister… And with Luz’s recent inspiration, and Eda’s feeling of having never accomplished anything up until her favorite human arrived;

          Perhaps Eda will acknowledge that as the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles, maybe she should’ve done more to really get into Lilith’s head, and get her out of that situation. Or at least, have Eda admit to Lilith that SHE was respecting Lily’s decisions too, hence why she didn’t try to force her… I think if Lilith brought up to Eda that she didn’t think her sister would join the Emperor’s Coven, even if it was to save her from execution- Eda would’ve insisted that she would, or at least she’d work to find a way out for the both of them. And that, I feel, would mean so much to Lilith, and both reassure and encourage her to make things right, now that Lilith understands that she DID get the love she was due, and that her efforts had been recognized.

          She did put in the work, and Lilith did get the pay-off, in a sense… So she has a lot more incentive to keep working to make things right; In addition to also recognizing that she wasn’t getting that appreciation from Belos, who’s an utter lunatic and actually chose to hurt Lilith, only doing good things for her as a side-effect and/or if it’d benefit him- Unlike Eda. Your efforts aren’t for naught, and things CAN and will change for the better, if you put in the work- So don’t worry about them not paying off.

          You’re not taking a risk going down this path… Its benefits are laid-out and guaranteed, unlike what you might get siding with the Emperor’s Coven, or using a curse that is ambiguous about its effects. All you have to do, Lilith, is make that personal decision, to take that initiative- And now that you’re with your real family, the rest will fall into place. Just as Eda provides a support network and a safety net for Luz’s own mistakes and exploration and risks, she can do the same for Lilith… You’re safe now.

          TL;DR I think Lilith HAD been making effort and progress, prior to Agony of a Witch. And even if her issues with willful ignorance were still present, they hadn’t been as bad as I’d initially perceived. Maybe Belos’ ultimatum, forcing Lilith to realize what she valued more –her sister or the Emperor’s Coven- hadn’t been all that necessary, that maybe Lily would’ve figured this out eventually… Though you could also say too little, too late; But also, better late than never. In a way, maybe Belos’ ultimatum WAS better than the alternative of Lilith taking her time to eventually and inevitably have a change of heart, because as we see with the progression of the curse… Time is of plenty of importance, and the more that passes, the more we know will still remain, even after a hypothetical cure.

          My point is, as terrible as Lilith was, I think we were seeing her change and learn, and become set on the trajectory for making true amends with Eda, before Belos came back into the picture. It wasn’t just Belos forcing Lilith into an ultimatum with Luz’s input, that changed Lilith’s heart… I feel that if this scenario had happened much earlier in Season 1, we could’ve seen Lilith act a little differently, perhaps with much less sympathy and understanding. I think there were genuine moments of learning and realization that led up to that fateful choice in Season 1, and I think it’s time I acknowledged this; That in the discussion of Lilith’s arc in Season 2, perhaps we need to remember that she HAD been improving, before Agony of a Witch came about.

          Lilith wasn’t that hopeless, and she was doing better than I initially realized- Not much better, but it’s better than nothing of course. Let’s not give Belos any credit here, and while Luz has done an umimaginable contribution… It’s ultimately down to oneself to change, and all the effort in the world doesn’t matter if you don’t choose to change; And Lilith DID make that decision! If people think Lilith’s character development has been ‘rushed’, then it needs to be considered that maybe we already did see her grow throughout Season 1…

          And so when Season 2 rolls about, it’s not out of the question for us to be pleasantly surprised, and see that Lilith has already figured a couple of things out, not just between seasons; But even on-screen, during Season 1! Sure Lilith had a relapse, but so did Amity, and Lilith also had to deal with the threat of execution, and the belief that joining the Emperor’s Coven WOULD cure Eda. I think Lilith actually, already made some decent progress on her character arc that is overlooked/forgotten… Her transition into the Owl House by understanding Eda and Luz’s points, may not be so rocky after all- I think Lilith has actually had a little bit of a headstart on that! So whenever I look at Lilith now, I can’t help but think;

          ...And maybe Eda feels the same way, too.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Promise You’ll Miss Me

Commander Wolffe x Jedi!Reader, Angst (you read the title)

Summary: You have just achieved the rank of Jedi Knight, but with it comes the additional title of General for the Grand Army of the Republic.  With your new squadron waiting for you on Coruscant, you need to say goodbye to the Commander closest to your heart.

A/N: Not a request, but just something that came to mind and I thought Commander Wolffe would be the best candidate for this story.  And as always REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS! I NEED VALIDATION TO LIVE!!!

Word Count: 1.9 K

    You should have been excited. 

    You were excited.  Years of training and battle experience had paid off and you had now officially achieved the rank of Jedi Knight.

   You would never forget the pride in your Master’s voice after you told him you had passed the trials.  It made you feel taller, wiser, bolder than you had ever felt in your life.  All the same, when you went back to your room that night to sleep an ache had already settled into your heart. 

   Master Plo Koon was the greatest teacher you could have hoped for.  Not only was he wise in the ways of the force, but he was kind; showing a well of compassion to you and others, you had found rare among the Jedi Council.  He shaped you not just as a Jedi, but into the core person you had become.  He was a father to you and idea of leaving hurt more than you thought. 

   You might have been able to bear it.  After all, you could still see him on Coruscant.  If you truly needed guidance, he would never be fully out of reach.  But with the title of Jedi Knight came another; General for the Grand Army of the Republic. 

   You wouldn’t just be leaving your Master behind, but the 104th as well.  All the men you had spent years fighting beside, your brothers in arms, your friends; there was a good chance you would never see them again.  

   You would have your own squadron to lead. Who knew where you would be sent or how long you’d be there.  You weren’t even sure how long this war would last. 

   You understood why, of course.  The Republic had ordered new Clones to the front who, in turn, needed new Generals to command them.  There was no doubt in your mind that your squadron would consist of good men.  But still, the ache in your chest persisted, turning into a stabbing pain when you thought of one clone Commander in particular. 

   You could not help but linger on this pain as you gazed out one of the view port windows into hyperspace. 

   “Comman– Ah, sorry.  General,” a voice called, the very voice you had been thinking of. 

   You suppressed a smile as you turned to find Commander Wolffe standing at attention, his helmet tucked dutifully under his arm. 

   “There’s no need for that Commander,” you said.  “I’m not General yet.” 

   “Well, you will be,” he countered.  “I figured I better start practicing now instead of later.”

   You couldn’t stop the smile at that, allowing the corner of your mouth to twitch upward.

   “Trust me, I’d rather you do it later.”  Glancing behind, you noticed the pair of you were the only ones in this section of the ship.  “Is there something you need?” 

   Wolffe shook his head.  “I just wanted to check on you.  General Plo mentioned you might be needing some company.”

   You felt your cheeks grow warm.  Maybe your thoughts weren't so private if your Master could feel your distress from the other side of the ship.  Still, it was a kind gesture. 

   “I would appreciate it.”

   Wolffe nodded in acknowledgement, taking a spot beside you.  

   There was a moment of comfortable silence.  Another thing you knew you would miss.  You hadn’t met many clones who were as comfortable around Jedi as Wolffe was. 

   “Are you alright, Commander,” he said, in his own gruff, but gentle tone. 

   You let out a sigh.  “Just a lot of changes at once.”

   He nodded in understanding.  “When do you get your orders?”

    “Almost as soon as we land.”

   You weren’t sure, but you thought you caught Wolffe stiffen at your words. 

   “Then this truly was your last mission with us,” he said. 

   Your stomach twisted as you forced your eyes back to the view port.  “Yes.”

   There was another pause.  A sudden emotion radiated from Wolffe, rippling around you in small waves. You couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but it made you feel just a little empty. 

   “You’re going to do fine, Commander,” he said. “General Plo wouldn’t have recommended you for the trails unless he had complete faith in you.  I’m not sure how much my opinion matters, but I think I speak for the entire 104th when I say; any clone would be lucky to be under your command.” 

   You turned to him then to find him staring back at you.  His expression was oddly vulnerable, but there was no doubt in your mind he meant every word he said. 

   “Your opinion matters to me more than you know,” you said, your throat suddenly tight with emotion. “Thank you.”

   His lip twisted up in a small smile of thanks, but quickly faltered as his eye lingered on your features. 

   “But that’s not all, is it,” he asked. 

   You couldn’t lie to him and shook your head. “No.”

   “Then what?”

   You turned away, once again looking out the view port.  “Jedi are not supposed to form attachments.  It clouds our judgement, often rendering us incapable of seeing the greater good outside of the well being of those we care about.  All the same, I know that I have formed attachments and I’m having a hard time letting go.”  

   A swell of emotion caught in your throat bringing the prickling promise of tears to yours eyes.  “I’m going to miss you Wolffe.”

   You could hear the clanking of his armor as he shifted away from you. 

   “You’ll be alright,” he said, dismissively.  “Once you have your own squadron, you’ll be too busy to think of us.”

   “Don’t say that.”

   “It’s true,” he countered, sharply.  “I’m a clone.  There are literally thousands of clones exactly like me spread across the galaxy, each programmed in the same way to do the same thing.  Our job is to be soldiers loyal to the republic, so that you don’t have to worry about us.  So that you can do your job and see the bigger picture.  You’ll forget about us, and me, and you’ll be fine.”

   You stared at him in stunned silence.  The aching in your chest was gone, replaced now with something hot and furious. 

   “No!” you snapped.  “Don’t you dare say that! Don’t you ever say that! There aren’t any other clones like you.  Just like there aren’t any clones like Boost or Comet or Sinker or anyone else. You are your own person and there is no possible way I could ever forget you.  Do you think I’m heartless? Do you think don’t feel things like loyalty or love or…”

   You trailed off, unable to get the words out as hot tears streamed down your face.  

   Wolffe looked at you, stunned.  He almost looked like a statue. 

   Desperately, you wiped the tears away, trying to vain to spare what was left of your dignity.  You were so caught up in your own emotions, you didn’t hear the sound of Wolffe’s helmet dropping to the floor. 

   In an instant, he pulled you into his arms, holding you close in a tender embrace.

   Your body reacted in an instant, melting into his touch.  One of his hands found a place cradling your head against his chest as you wrapped your arms around his torso. 

   “I know you do,” Wolffe said, leaning down to speak softly into your ear. “I know it hurts.  Believe me, I know. The only thing I don’t know is what I’m going to do without you.”

   You took a breath, feeling yourself calm at his words and touch.  “I guess that’s something we’re both going to have to figure out.” 

   He let out a sigh before slowly relinquishing his hold. You both stepped back to look at each other, neither fully leaving the other’s arms. 

   Casually, as if he had done it hundreds of times before, Wolffe reached out a hand, and brushed a stray hair behind your ear. 

   In his defense, he had done it hundreds of times, often in the heat of battle and always with the lament that you needed to get a haircut if it was going to keep falling in your face.  But, you weren’t fighting.  There was no teasing remark or something else to cover his true intent. 

   His hand froze, his fingers brushing lightly against your cheek as if suddenly realizing just how intimate the gesture was.  

   Sensing his panic, you pressed your hand over his and leaned your cheek against his palm. 

   Wolffe stared at you in wonder. Then, cautiously he allowed his thumb to gently caress your cheek. 

   You smiled, telling him silently how much you savored him and this.

   It was the invitation he needed as he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips. Your heart leapt, your eyes closing as you relished the warmth starting to spread through your body, but it didn’t last.

   Wolffe pulled away his eyes wide. 

   “Y/N, are you–”

   You didn’t give him a chance to finish as you kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck so there could be no question. 

   You weren’t sure what came over you.  You honestly weren’t sure what came over him.  Neither of you were the type, and yet the idea of having to leave him drove you over the edge. 

   He responded in kind, pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. His lips were rough to the touch, but warm and kind as he tried to convey everything he felt for you in a single gesture. 

   You didn’t know how long you stood there.  All you knew was that it wasn’t long enough before you comm beeped.

   You pulled away with a huff on annoyance, glancing down at your wrist.  

   Wolffe didn’t allow you to linger as he cupped your cheek and pulled you into another kiss.  You held onto him as if that would somehow make the comm stop beeping. He kissed you again, and again, and again, but duty kept calling at an unrelenting pace. Eventually, you both had to admit defeat. 

   “Yes, what is it,” you answered. 

   “Sorry to disturb you Commander,” one of the troopers said.  “The captain wanted me to inform you we’ll be coming out of hyperspace soon and should be landing on Coruscant within the hour.”

   “Yes, thank you for informing me,” you said, feeling a sense of dread in your stomach.  “Tell Master Plo Koon I will meet him in the hanger bay.”

   The trooper gave an acknowledgement and the line went dead. 

   For a long moment, both you and Wolffe were silent.  The room suddenly felt much colder and all you wanted now was to stay in his arms just a little while longer.  But, you each had your duties. 

   “I better go check on the men,” he said. 

   You nodded, allowing him to step out of your hold as he bent down to pick up his dropped helmet. 

   He stood at attention, ever the soldier. You, in turn, straightened with the air of a Jedi Knight.  

   “Goodbye Commander Wolffe,” you said. “I wish you good fortune in the battles to come.”

   “Goodbye General Y/N.  May the Force be with you.” 

   He the turned and marched out of the room.  

   You watched him go until he was out of sight.  Feeling the ache more fiercely than before, you turned your eye to the view port just in time to watch the blue of hyperspace turn to starlines and then to stars with Coruscant floating among them. 

   Millions of people lived on that planet.  Billions more made up the whole galaxy.  It was your duty to think of them all. To keep in mind the greater good. And yet the only one of those billions and billions to occupy your mind was a single clone a deck below. 

   You let out a long sigh as you walked toward the hanger bay. Perhaps becoming a Jedi Knight wasn’t what you were always promised it would be. 

[snowythebeast]

What Should Have Been

If he was being honest, Sir Nighteye’s opinion of Mirio had started off neutral. His grades were subpar, to say the least, and he had a very loose grasp on the true power of his quirk. Of course, the boy wasn’t completely hopeless, Sir was the one to seek him out in the first place after all. Mirio Togota had a fighting spirit. He had an unbridled determination and no matter how many times he failed he always came back with a smile even wider than before. In that particular sense, Mirio was the perfect person to inherit All Might’s quirk. Mirio seemed to be the only one worthy of obtaining All Might’s quirk and continuing the legacy of One For All. Sir repeatedly recommended the kid, but Toshinori hadn’t bothered setting a date to even meet the kid, which Sir deemed a shame.

Sir had trained Mirio near constantly, borderline working him to the bone. They trained after long school days, and sometimes even before. They went out patrolling more often than not. Mirio never shied away despite the overbearing tasks. He never even faltered. His academics skyrocketed, and soon he was one of the most revered students in the school. He was a fixer-upper, but Sir’s positive reinforcement went a long way it seemed. In addition to his grades, Mirio quickly gained quirk comprehension skills. It was quite the sight to behold. Sir watched as Mirio perfectly passed through wall after wall. He became a worthy opponent, even against a pro like himself. He was perfect, the perfect vessel for One For All. Unfortunately, Toshinori was incredibly stubborn. Sir’s pleas were left unheard and Toshinori was running out of time. Sir admired All Might, but wished that Toshinori wasn’t so easily blindsided by his one-track mind. A few years passed without so much as a conversation between the two. Sir wasn’t pleased, but he had other things to attend to. Mirio was going to be an astonishing hero regardless of if he was going to be All Might’s successor or not. Lemillion was going to be a fantastic hero whether he was riding All Might’s coattails or not He didn’t need One For All. They had so much work to do, Mirio was his obligation now.

Without consulting Sir Nighteye, or even sparing him a glance in acknowledgement, All Might made his choice. Sir was irate. He had already found the perfect specimen, a smart, kind-hearted, smiling, bouder of a boy. Toshinori chose to pick some kid up off of the street. Sir had tried to leave it be, genuinely he did, and for a while he was able to remain ignorant. That is, until the kid in question waltzed into his agency. Being the former sidekick of All Might, there was no chance that he could decline the future of One For All, but he was not happy about it. Sir absolutely couldn’t see the star quality that Toshinori had. He gave Izuku Midoriya a chance to prove himself, but he was met with grave disappointment because he was thinking about what it could have been if Toshinori had just listened for once. If Mirio had been put through the same trial, he still wouldn’t have been able to retrieve the seal, but the crucial difference would be both of their demeanors. Midoriya had looked like he was going to cry at the end, Mirio would have branded an award-winning smile and taken his failed attempts in stride. Mirio had it all. Midoriya was not worthy. Mirio was what should have been. Toshinori Yagi truy made the worst decisions.

On Sir’s last day on Earth he was still confident about who he should have picked to be his successor. But Sir wasn’t the one in that position. He wasn’t the one leaving a legacy. He was forced to place his pride elsewhere. Regardless, here he was, impaled and bleeding profusely while watching Mirio in one of the most valiant fights Sir had ever seen. It was comparable to one of All Might’s many victories. Sir wasn’t fully lucid at the moment, he was dipping into a wooziness as he was reaching a critical amount of blood loss. He was, for only a few minutes, still holding onto his consciousness. He had noticed his heart swell in seeing Lemillion’s arms outstretched to protect the child. A sublime selflessness like that was a rarity, especially in the go-go society that they were living in. It was somewhat grounding. Sir Nighteye was very compelled to continue watching, but he was lulled into a blurry, agonizing, semi-consciousness. He could see and hear, but it was muffled. His brain was foggy with the events of the night. He wasn’t able to absorb any information until several surgeries later. Despite the efforts of the hospital and the miracle of modern medicine, Sir’s prognosis was rather grim. He still had some unfinished business though.

His eyes fluttered open. The room felt bright, although the lights were fairly dim. There were a few of his colleagues around him already, he had no idea how long he had been there. They weren’t much for intriguing conversation, which left him wallowing in an intensely lonely atmosphere. At some point, Toshinori and Midoriya had come in. Their companionship wasn’t worthless, in fact, it was rather impactful in itself. Sir told both of them that he held no sort of resentment, and that Midoriya may have been the key to a brighter future. Just a few simple pleasantries. The conversation was somber so Sir Nighteye was focused on another being entirely. He wondered about Mirio, his Lemillion. His hero who smiled no matter how hopeless the situation, who worked ceaselessly no matter how exhausted. His pupil who had been shot with a quirk-erasing bullet. He didn’t have to think for long.

“Sir!” A tense voice resonated through the room. His heart thumped against the walls of his chest. The voice was instantly recognizable. His charge, Mirio, had never sounded so despondent. Mirio pushed himself off of the door frame he was leaning on and rushed closer on wobbly knees. He had a cast on one of his legs, but, as expected, he still limped to Sir’s bedside. Sir imagined it to be sore, but the boy’s features painted a different kind of pained expression. His voice echoed through the room, cracking loudly. “You can’t! Please, live!”

Sir Nighteye’s fate had been sealed the moment that his interns ran into Eri in the street that day. He couldn’t bring himself to speak on such a disheartening matter. Instead, Sir found himself lamenting for Mirio. Words spilled from his mouth. Not about One For All, or All Might. Not about heroes, or the work that they still had to do, but about Mirio.

“Mirio.” His voice was frail and raspy. Tears beaded in the corners of his intern’s eyes. Remorse tightened Sir’s chest. “You suffered so much because of me. If only I had been-” The student was too choked up to let Sir finish. “It was because you taught that I was able to become strong! It was because you taught me that I am living like this now!” Tears had begun rolling down Mirio’s cheeks, dripping down onto the tiled floor. A wet sob echoed in Sir’s ears. Guilt piled on top of him.

“Mirio, please forgive me.” He paused, carefully picking the next words to leave his mouth. “At first, I only lured you in as a vessel for One For All.” He didn’t know if Mirio was able to hear him beneath his own gut-wrenching wailing. Sir had never seen him cry, let alone break down completely. He brought his hand up, resting it gingerly against the boy’s cheek. “But you followed me and believed in me, and before I knew it, you became my pride.”

Sir Nighteye activated his quirk, a reel of the future playing in his mind. In his movie-esque sights, his blonde-haired charge was standing heroically. Lemillion flashed his trademark smile. Even after this horrid night in which he lost his quirk, he was still able to maintain his toothy smile. Mirio was always such a sight to behold, Sir knew that there was just something about him. He was worthy, more than so in actuality. It was a beautiful sight, but his vision soon blurred, a sign of his body losing functionality. A warm feeling incapacitated him, followed by a white throbbing pain shooting through his abdomen. His time was limited.

“You’ll be fine.” He breathed. “You’ll become a finer hero than anyone else.” Mirio’s tears streamed down the arm leaning against his face, Sir didn’t seem to mind. “This is the only future that shouldn’t be changed.” He let his hand slide back down to the bed, too exhausted to keep it in the air any longer. A tight-lipped smile now encompassed his lips. Mirio’s hurt seemed unrelenting. Every breath he took was shaky.

“So, smile.”

Despite the injured man’s calm demeanor, a taut whimper escaped Mirio’s throat. His eyes squinted shut, wishing away the future he knew was imminent. Sir’s eyes stayed locked on his mentee, but he could also see All Might and Midoriya’s disgruntled expressions behind him.

“Smile. A society without cheer and humor will not have a bright future.”

He could physically feel his biological clock ticking down, only seconds were between himself and the cold embrace of death. All of his strength had been diminished.

The last thing Sir Nighteye saw before his consciousness faded completely was the wide grin Mirio proudly displayed in due time.

[letsperaltiago]

i love you and i like you

Based on @stars-my-darling's adorable post: 

“When Mac starts talking he will sometimes just randomly tell Amy that he loves her, usually at the end of an unrelated sentence. They later realise that he learnt to do this because Jake is always randomly telling Amy that he loves her and Mac is copying him." aka. 5 times toddler Mac Santiago-Peralta tells his mommy he loves her

Also includes prompt #101 from the 101 fluffy prompts-list: "…They just grow up so fast."

Read on ao3

Every like and reblog is appreciated <3

Amy Santiago has so far had a lifetime’s worth of great jobs, which, she knows, isn’t that hard when you love work and everything it implies. Everything from assisting her middle school’s librarian to that brief job at a small uptown museum her degree got her to being a respected sergeant in the NYPD. She’s loved every single job but, she’s now come to realise, nothing vill ever beat her most recent employment: Motherhood. With a capital M, yes.

Mac throws her and Jake’s worlds over like the tiny miracle of a storm he is and they’ve never looked back since. It’s brand new, it’s exciting, it’s scary, and though they’re not exactly religious, he’s the answer to their prayers. Parenthood turns out to be nothing like what they’d expected, like nothing they’d ever tried before and looking past some of the rough days, which are inevitable, it’s actually even better. They get to shape and watch a human grow; a human of which they’re both the genesis and they couldn’t be any more proud - both of each other but also their son.

Everything Mac does and achieves is a moment to remember, and they take nothing for granted: every new sound, even simple gurgles, every new movement, even the flick of a tiny finger? They beam, look at each other with wide, joyous eyes and celebrate their newborn addition to their little family. They hold on to everything they can, while they can although, they swear, every other day they’ll be lying in bed with him while he sleeps or watch him begin to explore their apartment on his own and they’ll take turns breaking the comfortable silence with what they’re both thinking:

“They just grow up so fast.”

Even if he’s merely grown a tenth of an inch since the last time they brought it up.

This fact aside, before they know it, their before so very tiny and helpless son can sit without assistance, sooner than later starts crawling and before they seem to have the time to catch up with the ladder he suddenly knows how to say “mama” and “dada” - and the day Mac takes his first steps, Amy filming on her phone while Jake is squatting to entice his son? Both parents guiltlessly shed a tiny tear rewatching the video that night after their little one, who suddenly seems so big, is put to bed.

With the walking comes the talking. Mac, like his dad, is an entertainer and seizes every chance he gets to chat with his parents, and anyone else who’ll listen for that matter, and hopefully make them laugh. Amy quickly sees through the fact that her son’s mannerism is definitely inspired by her husband’s, and Amy’s heart swells at every glimt of it: everything from Mac’s tiny ‘big dramatic movements’ to him attempting to crack small jokes (that sometimes are actually super funny but also mostly make people laugh because his delivery is beyond precious). Despite the fact that his personality is absolutely a solid blend of both parents, Jake’s genes definitely conquer everything else, and Amy doesn’t mind one bit. Although she could do without the short, Peralta-inspired attention span, which can be both very cute but also slightly maddening when you’ve told your barely 3-year old toddler 6 times to finish their meal meanwhile he’s to preoccupied by his father cleaning up the water said toddler spilled just seconds ago.

All in all, Mac is a copy of Jake, and in more ways that one Amy is grateful. Especially when the little boy starts getting a grasp of the word ‘love’ and what it actually means though his parents have showered him with it since before he was born. Jake and Amy will tell Mac ‘I love you’ on the daily and, besides this, his parents themselves aren’t exactly shy of telling each other, especially Jake who often tends to do it out of nowhere or any kind of context which the boy must’ve picked up on at some point.

It starts off quite naturally: the first time he says it.

One night after getting him washed down and put into his favorite firetruck-print pyjamas (the parents couldn’t deny him it even though they were far from thrilled), Amy’s sitting with Mac in his new so-called ‘big boy-bed’. Feeling her son’s curly-haired head nestled into her chest, one hand grabbing onto the fabric of her shirt while the other holds onto his best buddy Leo the Lion, Amy reads out loud from one of the many books she’s managed to accumulate for her son. Obviously worn out from the day Mac, as being almost 3 is very exhausting, stays silent and listens carefully to the sound of his mother’s voice, dutifully paying attention to the book’s colourful drawings and even sometimes pointing at them whenever Amy reaches a part of the story that’s been illustrated.

“Then the little puppy ran through the big big field and the big big forest to get back home-“

“Shee, Mommy,” Mac interrupts her with a lisp caused by the pacifier hanging from one corner of his mouth and points to the drawing of the running dog with his index finger. “Doggy runth!”

“Yeah, I see, baby,” she smiles before pecking the top of his head. Normally she’d ask him to remove his pacifier when he speaks. Her and Jake slowly trying to make the object something Mac knows he can use to relax rather than constantly needs, but when it’s this late and right before bedtime Amy can’t be bothered to reprimand him. For now she’s just proud of her tiny, smart guy. “Where is he running?” She pulls back to look at him, encouraging him to explain further.

“He’sh going home!” he smiles proudly to a point where his pacifier almost falls out, just barely clinging on for dear life.

“That’s right. He’s running home to his family - good job,” she chuckles sending him one last smile before skimming her wristwatch quickly realising bedtime is just minutes away. It’s not that they’re following a strict schedule that depends on every single minute and second of the day: something she’s actually glad Jake’s and his more laid-back lifestyle has transferred to their parenting-style. Although Mac, his parents have come to find out, will reach a point during the evening where it’ll be too late and he becomes overtired and impossible. Therefor 8 PM is the ultimate limit (on weekdays, that is) and Amy sees it quickly approaching so she quickly finishes up their story and shuts the book closed.

“That’s it for today, Mr. Mac. Time to visit dreamland,” simply not able to resist the feel and smell of her son’s newly washed curls, she places another kiss to the top of his head before climbing out of the small bed and hears him reply with a yawn which tells her that she’s probably timed bedtime perfectly. To the great delight of the now also tired mother (a high rank full-time job and a toddler will do that to you) she’s once more proved right when Mac gets under the covers without a trace of fight.

“Roshie?” he looks up at his mother with worried eyes as he hugs Leo the Lion a bit tighter. Those stupid beautiful brown eyes he’s inherited from Jake.  

“Oh,” Amy kneels down to the bed’s side and starts running her hand all over the duvet, mattress and bed-frame. “Where’s Rosie, bud?”

Rosie aka. the pink unicorn he’d gotten from auntie Roro back when he was still a tiny baby (though he’d always be Amy’s tiny baby) was missing and they both knew very well that there would be no sleeping without it. Suddenly her hand comes across a bump, to her relief revealing the stuffed animal once she lifts up the duvet.

“Yay, mommy!” her son smiles as if she’s cracked the mystery of the century and Amy can’t help but feel just a bit proud - anything she does that makes her boy happy will do that to her.

“There you go,” she smiles and places the unicorn in his arms right next to Leo the Lion. “All good, Mr. Mac?”

He nods profoundly, eyes suddenly clearly tired and droopy, which earns him a warm smile from his mother before she leans in and kisses his forehead tenderly, all at once running her hand fingers his curls as to get her one last fix for the day. Incredible how your child can become somehow addicting.

“Sleep well. I love you,” she pulls back to take him in, the declaration of love hanging in the air for a few seconds before, taking Amy by surprise, her son answers her.

“I wuv you.”

She knows ‘love’ is an abstract feeling that a toddler can’t really comprehend and isolate as an emotion, which is probably also why Mac’s never said it back before, and although she’s told him a million times before and has never awaited or needed an answer, him saying it back definitely throws her off in the most magical, proud, emotional way in a long time. She’s constantly proud of the little things he does on the daily, slowly becoming a tiny actual human with opinions and a personality, but this is a whole new level.

“Thank you for saying that,” she can feel tears forming in her eyes and throat, but doesn’t want to confuse the small child who’s just begun to understand ‘love’, and therefor doesn’t also need to be explained that crying can also be a sign of happiness. That is an oxymoron that will surely just confuse him when, currently, crying is Mac’s way of expressing and understanding sadness and anger.

“That was very sweet of you and I love you so so much too, baby,” she manages to say it one last time, without breaking, before getting up to turn on his tiny night light and leave. “Me and daddy will be just down the hall watching TV, okay?”

A slight movement from beneath the duvet lets her know he’s heard her before she allows herself to half-close the door and walk back to where Jake is cleaning up after dinner. There she is finally able to let out a few soft cries as she lets her husband in on the small, incredible moment she’s just had with their son. Of course, it instantly makes Jake feel like crying with joy too. Their baby is surely the best.

From there on it’s just one big mess of declarations, at the most random moments and Amy is very amused but also even more enamoured.

One night Jake is away on a stakeout which leaves Amy is home alone with Mac, and to the toddlers immense joy this means he’s allowed to sleep with his mom in her and dad’s enormous bed. Jake has told him to keep mommy safe while he’s gone and of course takes this task very seriously. It’s 3 AM, they’re both fast asleep when suddenly Amy is awoken by what seems to be quite some new weight on top of her chest.

“Mommy,” promptly breaks the silence slowly bringing Amy back to consciousness.

It takes her a second to collect herself but she instinctually reaches out to figure out exactly where her son is in the dark. It’s quickly clear that he’s stretched out stomach down across her chest. “Yes, baby?” she mumbles tiredly eyes still closed hoping that her son is just being restless and will go back to sleep.

“I need pee.”

“Oh.”

This, with a power that almost no other request from her son holds, immediately dawns upon and takes over her body pushing her to sit up. Mac is pretty much fully potty trained but only day-wise. During the night he still uses a diaper, and they’ve only just recently started easing him into the night-potty by telling him it’s an option. The boy showing initiative himself is an absolutely great start and even more importantly an opportunity she won’t let slip by.

“You wanna go use the potty?” she looks at him to make sure and he immediately nods. “Okay, lets go then.”

And so they scurry out of bed and make their way across the hall to the bathroom, hand in hand in the darkness, where once the light is turned on Mac’s potty awaits him.

With a bit of help from mommy, he pulls down his pyjamas pants and diaper before getting settled on the potty. There’s no hiding the fact that they’re both very tired, especially Mac whose head hangs a bit, almost asleep while giving in to his body’s need for relief while Amy sits dutifully on the floor besides him.

“Good job telling me, Mac,” she praises, smiling tiredly but the little boy is too tired to even react.

They stay like this for a while, in silence, Amy not wanting to interrupt a probably concentrated Mac, when suddenly he, to her surprise, is the one to break the silence.

“I’m peeing and I love you, mommy,” he mumbles tiredly almost fully asleep right there on the potty, messy curls hanging in whatever which way gravity will allow.

Then, as if she’d never been tired, asleep, woken up and feeling exhausted, Amy’s body rises to a much higher level of awareness. Warmth, one that completely makes her forget about the bathroom floor’s cold tiles, spreads throughout her entire being and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was currently trying to pee, Amy would’ve pulled him into the tightest hug right there. But she doesn’t, of course, and instead settles for a gleaming smile.

“Mommy loves you too, honey,” He’s her very own bedhead, she thinks to herself lovingly running a hand through his hair. “And I’m so proud of you for waking me up to go potty.”

It’s very faint, too tired to put much effort into it but there’s definitely a small smile growing on her son’s face, When he falls asleep on top of her chest a bit later after he’s done and has been put into a clean diaper, just to be safe, the smile is still there, Amy can tell even in the dark.

Another occasion, it’s safe to say, happens when Amy leasts expects it. They’re running on ‘tantrum from hell: hour who-even-knows-anymore’, this time triggered by the banal fact that, no, Mac wasn’t allowed to play with the big knife Jake had been using to cut vegetables for their dinner.

Everyone has their bad days, the parents are well aware, but this one of Mac’s was particularly bad. All day, from the minute he woke up and went straight to the living room instead of joining his parents in their bad, he’d been extra fussy thereby not feeling content with whichever way his parents tried to fix his mood. They’d been understandable and gone easy on him all day, hopelessly trying to please him while also not just giving in to his unreasonable demands. It appeared that this was very a fine line to walk, and so far it sure hadn’t offered them the intended results. Both parents were exhausted and Mac screaming was far, so very far, from their ideal way of spending the evening in.

Both Jake and Amy have tried experimented with different tactics, some that are known to work. Picking him up to soothe him; ask him if he’s hurting somewhere; offering him to choose one of his daily snacks like a glass of milk, yoghurt or a fruit; suggesting that they play a game…  But the little boy wants nothing. Nothing but that huge, sharp kitchen knife.

“Look, you can cry all you want, but daddy is not going to give you the knife. It’s dangerous, Mac,” Amy’s voice is definitely stern but nonetheless still calm well aware of the fact that screaming as well won’t get her anywhere. Besides that she also considers herself a structured, punctual but nonetheless also a cool mom: nevertheless enough is enough. She’s really had it by now, hands resting defensively on her hips  as she feels a head ache creeping up on her meanwhile her 3 year old, who’s now lying face down on the kitchen floor, lets out yet another scream.

“Listen to mom, bud,” Jake intervenes the best he can without interrupting his wife’s operation. “She’s super right, you know? The knife is very very sharp and in your small hands it can easily slip and hurt you. We don’t want that.”

Another scream is how he’s thanked for the explanation and Jake, even though he loves his son unconditionally, has to roll his eyes and sigh. Logic is not relevant when you’re working with a toddler, he has learned but nonetheless gives it a try every time they’re back in the arena - only to be disappointed.

They try not to be the kind of parents that scold or punish their kid unless it’s necessary and they but alas this is not one of them. Amy has had it and shares a look of confirmation with her husband before proceeding - she needs him to back her up on this.

“Okay, McClane Santiago-Peralta,” Amy says strictly. Full name? This is the point of no return, Jake knows.

“If you’re going to continue to behave like this then that’s up to you, but that also means it’s time for time-out, because daddy and I don’t know how to help you, when you keep screaming like that.”

God, she hates this side of parenthood and this shade of herself, though she knows it necessary.

“Knife!” Mac cries out rolling onto his back and hitting the floor with the palms of his tiny hands in protest of now both the knife and the time-out.

“I’m not going to keep discussing this with you,” she makes up her mind, picks up her son which results in him screaming/crying even louder while also putting up a fight by wiggling his entire body in his mother’s hold. “If you’re not going to go by yourself, like the big boy I know you usually are, then I’ll have to carry you there.”

And so Amy, knowing that the most important thing right now is that she sticks to her pledges, starts walking out of the kitchen and down the hall towards her son’s room. The wiggling continues, the crying doesn’t come to quit and he even adds kicking into the air as she carries him to the mess of it all. He really doesn’t want to go, even less have his mommy take him there since it’ll mean that he’s really pushed her to the limit.

Then suddenly the next wail he lets out suddenly sends the situation down a completely different path.

“I just want the knife and I- I wuv you, mommy!” her son screams loudly through his cry, face all red and scrunched up as if he was cursing her which by nature results in Amy freezing on the spot, left to wonder what the hell had prompted that outburst.

That one was new, she thinks, and how the hell do you handle this exact situation right? On one hand his previous acts, and the fact that he’s still hysterical, means that he deserves to be sent to his room; on the other hand he just screamed, bloody murder, that he loves her… Parenthood was indeed so confusing sometimes.

A sigh leaves her body.

“I love you too, Mac,” she figures he deserves, and always will deserve, to hear it back - no matter how frustrating and crazy the situation might be.

“And daddy does too, but it’s really hard for us to help you when you scream and cry like that, baby,” she gives explaining the consequences of his tantrum one last shot, and, to her surprise, the boy actually stills in her arms and buries his face into her chest. The cries die out before transitioning to small sniffles and alas Amy sees the opportunity to, perhaps, talk some sense into her son.

“We’d much rather have you use your words, tell mommy and daddy what’s actually wrong, rather than having you scream and cry like this. Do you understand?”

There’s silence but Amy can feel Mac’s tiny head slide up and down in nod against his chest, and relief, although it might still just be a false sense of safety, floods her entire body.

“So, what is actually wrong? Why are you sad?”

“I-“ Mac sniffles trying to mould his thoughts. “I just wanted help daddy make food.”

Of course, she thinks internally rolling her eyes.

“I see,” she nods. “And you can help daddy cook, but next time you’ll have to say it like that. Use your words, okay?”

He nods again before lovingly grasping onto a strand of his mother’s hair.

“Good,” she pecks the top of his head. “Now,” she cranes her neck to look down at her son’s face where it’s half buried into her tear-stained shirt. “Do you want to be in your room by yourself for a bit to calm down, or do you want to come help me and daddy clean the kitchen and set the table?”

“I wan’ help,” he mumbles obviously lacking energy after spending it all throwing the tantrum, but if he wants to be with them and redeem himself then Amy won’t be the one to stop him. It took a while, but Amy always tries to remember that he’s still very little meaning that it’s inevitable that some social skills aren’t fully developed. So whenever he can come to his senses, with his parents guidance or not, Amy will of course be the first one to endorse it.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she walks back towards the kitchen with Mac resting silently in her arms.

A third memory that pops into Amy’s mind upon trying to remember the many random moment’s where her son has shared his love for her out loud and of the blue (Peralta-stylez), is one time (of the many) they went grocery shopping together. They’d been wandering around the big grocery store, her and Mac, targeting the cereal aisle, hand in hand with a basket in Amy’s free hand.

“Okay, since you and daddy ate the last of the Fruit Loops this morning we need to get some cereal. You think you can help me with that?” she looks down at her son who’s already looking up to meet her eyes. Mac’s enchanting glimmering eyes instantly light up at the thought of responsibility, a trait he’s definitely inherited from her, and prompts an eager nod. Before she can even say or explain further, which he probably doesn’t actually need her to, he’s let go of her hand.

“More Fwuit Loops!” he exclaims happily as his tiny legs take him ahead, down the aisle, to reach the mosaic of colourful cereal-boxes.

“Sure, if that’s what you want, babe, but maybe…” she walks towards him, "we could try something else for once?” she tries to not be too strict about her son’s eating habits, especially when she knows Fruit Loops is usually the only straight up sugary stuff he eats daily, but also, she has to admit, secretly wishes she could perhaps trick him and Jake to eat something just a bit less… candy-like.

“What?” he stops and looks at her with a frown. “Something else?”

“Yeah,” she catches up with him and looks as the many options before him. “Like… bran-flakes, maybe? They look yummy, right?”

Either Amy is a really bad actor or her son simply too smart, but nonetheless Mac looks more than quite unimpressed when his mom pulls a boring, brown box out from the shelf to showcase it

“I donno want brain-flakes ew, mommy” and the face Mac makes, a face of utter disgust, would be way more solid proof than a paternity test if one was needed - he is definitely, without a single doubt, Jake Peralta’s son - and she definitely can’t help but chuckle at the similarity he constantly carries with him.

The tiny human’s hand starts dancing across all the different packages, probably gathering himself a good dose of various germs that in the moment Amy can’t make herself care about, and every now and then he’ll stop to study a cereal that’s caught his child-brain and eyes’ attention.

“There are so many to choose from, huh babe?” she encourages but keeping her distance as to be supportive of him doing something on his own, independent like a big boy.

First he stops in front of the Cheerios, which Amy can totally be content with, but alas he quickly, to Amy’s chagrin, puts them back in their spot. Then come the Frosted Flakes with their blue box and cute tiger cartoon (the perfect child-trap) which, if possible, are even worse than Fruit Loops. Amy unconsciously frowns at the thought of having to rip the box of cereal from her son’s grip when he in a few seconds won’t let go and instead grab the Bran Flakes. But to Amy’s great relief Mac’s finger continue their trip down past the tiger-trap, mindlessly mumbling small nothings to himself that she can’t quite make out. Then, all at once seeming way more determined than with previous ones, Mac throws himself at a bright and colourful box.

“These!” he exclaims jumping up and down on the spot with the held over his head in victory.

As soon as she gets a closer look, having gently grabbed the box from her son, it dawns on Amy that Jake Peralta being the father of her child isn’t exclusively beneficial. Not when their child is asking for Sour Patch Kids morning cereal and Amy knows it’s because he’s inspired by his dad as Jake will gladly share his candy with his son whenever he happens to have some.

“Oh, baby… “ Amy tries to keep up a neutral face as to not reveal how she dreads to get something that’s somehow even worse than the king of artificial ingredients, Fruit Loops, and sultan of sugar, Frosted Flakes, combined. “You sure you don’t just wanna get the Fruit Loops then? I don’t think you’ll like Sour Patch Kids.”

“Yes I do! I eat them with daddy all the time!”

Of course.

Her son is completely oblivious to her dread and shines proudly thinking he’s pleased his mom by finding something new (which it is - Amy can’t deny that) to have for breakfast. And Amy’s mom-heart can’t get herself to contradict her son’s persuasion of the fact that he’s accomplished the mission she set up for him. No way. Not when his face flows with pride like it does now.

“Okay,” she surrenders with a forsaken smile. “We can get these, but they’re very sugary so only for weekend mornings, got it?” she puts her hand forward as to shake on the deal.

Either it’s the handshake that takes his mind off of it, or her 3-year old actually somehow understands nutritional values, but he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t hesitate to meet her hand with his own, agreeing with her proposed deal. Immediately after she hands him back the box, it’s a mystery to Amy how such a simple thing can make her son that happy, he beams with excitement and basically hugs the box of sugary sweetness. Amy has to chuckle and then he’s off again to do his own little thing, prancing down the remains of the aisle chanting a made-up song, Amy guesses, to himself.

“Cereal. Breakfast. I love cereal. I love breakfast. I love mommy and mommy loves cereal and me and daddy and breakfast. Cereal, cereal, cereal!”

And to her, and Jake’s, sheer luck Amy manages to snap a short video of it for them to enjoy and fuss about for years.

That same night, Friday, they’re all lounging on the couch watching a movie. Tangled as per Mr. Mac’s demand because “Flynn Eugene whatever is really cool and the pretty princess hits him with a pan and the horse and green little thing are super fun too.”

So, needing no further arguments, they watch Tangled and snack on Sour Patch Kids (the candy, not the cereal) that Jake had bought on his way home from work after Amy had texted him about their adventure at the grocery store, attaching the video of their son singing.

Although, after a long day, by the time the lanterns in the movie light up the dark sky while Rapunzel and Flynn sing to each other, Mac is half, almost completely, passed out with his head in Amy’s lap and legs stretched across his father’s. Mommy stroking your face and playing with your curls turns out to be very soothing and sleep-inducing. Jake can also, if asked to testify, agree with this fact. Guess there’s something special about Peralta-curls Amy simply can’t resist.

“Ames, I think he’s asleep,” Jake whispers discreetly throwing his wife a knowing smile when he notices his son’s current state.

She, having not noticed being too busy watching the movie, looks down and sees, indeed, a sweet angel face with shut eyes and pouty lips that indicated that her son is, if not entirely, on the verge of being asleep. Nevertheless, every 30 seconds or so, his eyes will flutter just a bit, like tiny butterfly wings, as if he’s fighting to see the end of the movie - a movie he’s seen 134 times already.

“You want to go to bed, Mac?” she coos leaning down to peck his temple.

“Nu-uh,” he fights off the urge to say yes, Amy can tell.

“You sure?” she tries again.

He nods heavily in her lap, shuffling a bit in an attempt to get comfortable enough to, Amy knows, fall asleep. But he can’t seem to find the right spot, is surely overtired too and both parents can tell it’s a matter of minutes before he’ll give in to either fall asleep on the couch or demand to be put to bed.

And they’re right.

“Mommy,” he mumbles in the most exhausted and soft soft voice that makes Amy’s heart flutter time after time. “I love you but I wanna sleep - in my bed.”

Those three words, especially coming from Mac, will never seize to send a tiny jolt of joy and dopamine through her entire being. She chuckles softly stroking his back.

“That’s okay, baby. We’ve had a long day. Let's get you to bed.”

“Okay, I love you mommy. And daddy. Love,” he passes out before he can finish the sentence and won’t even notice his father carrying him to bed while Amy gazes after them with loving eyes.

Even three years in, four if you count the pregnancy, she can’t believe this sweet, beautiful and smart boy is hers. A bundle of love that is half her and half the man she loves the most (next to Mac himself, of course). Parenthood is an irregular graph with ups and down, but they have so much love that it’ll make up for the bad days and hard cases. In the very end the most important thing is that he, Mac Santiago-Peralta with his brown curly hair, tiny nose and deep brown eyes, is here and he’s theirs. Not only is he theirs but he is his own and he loves them, his parents, so much, every day. Plus, he’s so good at actually expressing it that Amy can’t help but feel like they’re definitely doing something right. She’s proud to know her son is surrounded by so much love that it has planted a seed that everyday blooms within him, making him spill over and spread his care and love to other people.

So, yes, Amy Santiago is 100% sure: she is definitely the luckiest, most loved mom in the entire universe. Mac Santiago-Peralta will always make sure of this.  

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Soulmate Shenanigans Part Two (Electric Boogaloo)

Good morning (or at least, I’ve started writing this in the morning! Who knows when I’ll complete it)!

I’m continuing my Soulmate AU Tomfoolery (you can find part one here)

Prompt #2

There is a timer that counts down to when you will meet your soulmate.

Warnings for death mentions, and temporary major character death

World Building

Everyone blames the mad scientist.

Which is fair. When someone makes billions of clocks in about a weeks time, each declaring when everyone in the world (including people who wouldn’t be born for decades) would find their soulmate, it’s considered to polite to stick around to answer questions

Instead, Logan disappeared to who-knows-where and left everyone else to pick up the pieces. 

Rude.

Ever since the early 1910′s, the clocks have existed, one for each person. When any kid is born, the first thing a new parent does is rush to the register to see when they’ll meet their soulmate. It’s a big deal.

If your child isn’t going to meet their soulmate in the next 13 years, they are told the exact number on their 13th birthday

Philosophers have been enraged by all of this. Is free will a thing? Is existence a lie?

Non-philosophers will often close their curtains when they see a wandering philosopher, which are easy to identify by their look of abject confusion and plucked chickens.

Characters

Remus: Remus pretended that he didn’t care about who his soulmate was when his 13th birthday rolled along. He wasn’t the best actor.

His brother seemed happy when he found out that it would be sixteen years until he found his soulmate. 29 wasn’t a bad age at all, considering that some people would have to wait until they were old and in a nursing home, or would never even meet their soulmate at all.

Remus waited for his parents to tell him. They gave each other nervous looks, and he was convinced for a few seconds that he didn’t have a soulmate after all.

The actual answer was much weirder

526 years. 526 years until he met his soulmate.

Remus said a silent thank you to his soulmate for making him functionally immortal. After all, that meant that he’d survive until then!

HE WAS IMMORTAL

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now, whenever someone would try to say something like, “Why do you like serial killers? Planning to become one?”, he could just look them dead in the eye and say,

I’m going to outlive you, Brian

(On an unrelated note, Brian disappeared a few months later. It actually wasn’t Remus’s fault, surprisingly. One minute, he was at a museum, the next, gone)

Remus would be fine with never finding his soulmate, honestly. Connection is nice, but being eldritch is more fun.

Virgil: Virgil didn’t want to be immortal

Sure, he wasn’t a fan of dying in practice, but in theory he didn’t want to live to over 250!

His family and friends were going to die, and he’d have to live through it. And for what? To meet a soulmate? Who gave a fuck? Virgil had never wanted a romantic relationship in his life, and he didn’t think that a 526 year wait was going to change that.

He was determined to find his soulmate early so that he could live a normal life like a normal person who doesn’t cause additional distress to the wandering philosophers.

 Plot

It was easy to find Remus. Local Child Will Live To Over 500 makes a good headline, and Remus wasn’t one to shy away from attention.

When Virgil was 16, he packed his bags and ran away from home to go meet his soulmate. He didn’t ask Janus how he got the bus tickets, but he did ask him to tell his parents that he’d be okay.

Virgil knocked on the door, and waited. Someone who looked almost exactly like the news site photo answered. The conversation went something like this:

Virgil: So, YOU’RE Remus McFricking Sanders-

Roman: Nope, not him, whatever he said isn’t my fault.

[Roman slams door]

Virgil was pretty sure that he had, in fact, met Remus, and he was just being annoying. Roman believed that his brother had just manage to piss off yet another person.

Virgil retreated to a restaurant, and looked up the photo on the news article, just to make sure. No denying it, that was him! Same eyes, same hair, same general face-wait. 

Remus had a nose that had obviously been broken at least once. The guy who’d greeted him at the door had definitely been in less scrapes than his soulmate.

Whoops.

Meanwhile, Remus had a plan to avoid Virgil at all cost. Virgil had tried to shy away from press attention, but he tracked down a photo eventually. 

And when his brother told him that some emo with “awesome” eyes had turned up on the doorstep looking for him, he had a bad feeling.

Well, spooky boy wasn’t going to cost him his long future.

And so the dance began.

In one corner, Virgil, who had spite, stubbornness, and a deadline on his side (he had to get home to his parents eventually)! Never discount a spiteful Virgil!

In the other corner, Remus, who has nothing on his side but fate. Fate, however, has a sense of humor, and Remus read enough old myths as a child to know that whatever happens can’t be changed by petty human actions.

Virgil tries breaking and entering many times, each failing in a more ridiculous way. He is a careful, but Remus is practically Kevin McCallister in terms of traps, and he fails to meet his soulmate face to face all day and all night.

They do get to have some verbal exchanges, which are pretty much

Virgil: You think you want the existential hell of immortality??

Remus: Oh, fuck off, I’m going to have the best vampire aesthetic!

Virgil: The vampire aesthetic is wonderful, but can we do everything for aesthetic?

Both at the same time: Yes. Yes we can.

And then Virgil is herded out of the house by Remus’s pet rats.

However, the final encounter goes a little differently. No witty quips, just Virgil picking the lock of yet another window, and then a very specific sound.

Have you ever heard a stubborn emo get pulled into a portal in the spacetime continuum?

It’s a distinct sound that is along the lines of loud crash-The fu-whirring noises-nyoom-eerie silence 

Remus didn’t give a second thought before diving into the portal after him. If he had, he would have thought hey, this’ll probably bring us face to face, something I’ve been avoiding or maybe jumping into random portals in a stupid idea or I’m going to grab a weapon before just running at it. But his first impulse was to make sure his snarky soulmate hadn’t died, so into the portal he went.

The Year: 2550

The Portal: Glows a lot, thank you for asking

The Reason: A mad scientist has only one thing left to lose, and is terrified as it slips away

Logan: Logan was a geek at heart. He loved science, in both theories and practice. He probably should have toned down his obsession with Nikola Tesla. He wanted to travel to the sky, and touch the stars, and watch time like a film reel. 

Time travel was his passion. If people could travel across the physical seas, why not the metaphorical ones of time?

It was pure luck that he actually figured it out, but figure it out he did. Logan loved his creation.

He wanted to create a million inventions, but more importantly he wanted Patton to see them all.

If there was one thing he loved more than science, it was him. 

The two kept each other from drifting off into the stars, or sinking into the dirt because they’re too afraid of being rude. One of Logan’s favorite memories was he and Patton running through the St. Louis fair, giggling at terrible puns and sharing a quick kiss out of sight, before catching the next exposition. 

Patton was kind, and caring, and knew how to talk to people to get them to like him, and was just good. He was good. 

Logan dealt only in facts. And it was a fact that it would have been better, more fair for Logan to have died in the fire.

It was a fact that he didn’t (even though it felt like it sometimes). It was a fact that Patton had been the one to notice the smoke. It was a fact that the love of his life waited for a few seconds in the doorway, trying to call the cat out. It was a fact that, after Logan was out of the house, he turned around to see the doorway collapse. 

He found a way back into the house, but it took too long. 

Fact: Humans can only endure severe smoke inhalation for a few minutes before dying.

Logan took one look at his time machine, somehow still undamaged. He’d never tested it before, but he really didn’t have a choice, so he kissed Patton on the forehead and stepped into a portal.

Back To The Plot

Virgil and Remus immediately knew that they were in the 26th century. 

How? There was a sign!

Hey! If You Happen To Be A Time Traveler, This Is 2550! Check In With The Lord Cerebrum To Know More, Unless You Don’t Have A License, In Which Case

You Know What Happens

They don’t have much time to mull over this before Remus tries to murder Virgil. He’s not IMMORTAL any more, and it’s not FAIR, and it’s all HIS fault!

This is where we enter the Rivals To Friends (While On The Run From Time Management) section

Remus and Virgil have many adventures escaping from Time Management, while learning to appreciate the other as a friend. They are platonic soulmates, after all!

But Time Management is nothing if not patient, and the boys are caught eventually (you know how it goes. You forget to check around for listening ears, you use 21st century slang, and suddenly a single “yeet” and a “same” get you dragged before the Lord Cerebrum)

A Handy Dandy Guide To The Year 2550 (transcript from the Handy Dandy Infomercial Station)

Hey, time travelers! I know that everyone likes zipping around the time-stream and seeing what the fates throw at them to keep them from murdering their grandpa, but we have to do this by the Rules!

If you break the rules, you know what happens

The Year 2550 is protected by Logos Industries’s time dilation filter, to ensure that no one gets the wrong idea about going free range!

If you have a license, just proceed to the Lord Cerebrum to get your stamp of approval and philosopher disguise for the maximum positive effect! After all, Logos Industries needs funding to protect us all!

If you don’t have a license, you’ll see the Lord Cerebrum too!

Have a Handy Dandy Time :)

Back To The Plot

The boys are led through a menacing government facility, taken to see the Lord Cerebrum. They try to ask questions, but Time Management is rather disinterested in their fleeting existence, so nothing much gets answered.

The final destination is a computer room, where the Lord Cerebrum sits. His form was half hologram, half skin, his age unchanging for 526 years, and recognizable at first sight to Remus

Lord Cerebrum, aka Brain, aka Brian: Hey, Remus, what exactly did you say about outliving me?

Brian: Brian was a dick. There’s no other way to put it. 

He and Remus used to be friends, sticking brand new phones in water to see what would happen and planning out pranks (they made their history teacher think that she was being haunted by the ghost of Charlemagne!), but things changed, and by 8th grade his dickishness was on full display

It was really easy to get away with being cruel to Remus. He naturally unnerved people, and anyone in a position of power immediately knew he was trouble (which was true), so when there was a conflicting story between a star student and the kid who poured ketchup in the principal’s desk, you can guess who’d always get believed.

Brian was a dick, but he was 13. He could have grown later in life, regretted his ways (or at least stopped), but instead he touched an antique time machine on a museum tour of the Clock House (home of Logan, the famous inventor of soulmate clocks). 

He’d been planning to snap off the handle and pin it on Remus (or maybe Roman for variety), but instead

Crash-what the-whirring noises-nyoom-eerie silence

And Brian arrived in the year 2520, the first of many time travellers.

He became a celebrity. The parts of him lost in the wormhole were quickly replaced with state-of-the-art holograms, and his fame went to his head.

Thirty years of good marketing later, he was the Lord Cerebrum. And when a desperate mad scientist came crashing through a portal of his own, it was easy to get him to work for him under the promise that Brian would let him save his “Patton” once he made some technology for him.

He recognized Logan from the museum. He knew who’s fault it was that he was trapped travelling through time, whirling through the portal, praying and promising and in the end just screaming. Brian knew who was to blame for the fact that he couldn’t tell how much of his body would stay when the power went out.

So the tasks got longer and more complicated, Patton dangled like a carrot over Logan’s head. 

Fact: Logan would never win, and someday Brian would get tired of this game and there would only be one genius left in 2550.

Back To The Plot: Virgil punched the Lord Cerebrum in the face. He didn’t know all of the context, but his best friend seemed not to like the guy, and he seemed evil, so he punched the overlord in the face.

Brian was offended, and abandoned all plans for a monologue in favor of leaving them to die.

The most fitting way to do away with a time traveler is to send them everywhere at once. It’s an awful death, one where molecules are slowly lost as the traveler in question hits walls and trees and memories.

The duo managed to survive five or so timelines, before the machine miraculously shut off. A mad scientist ran into the room, unscrewed the vents in the walls, and told the teenagers that they’re late.

Things are explained as they escape the facility.

Things

Logan needed a way to break the time dilation filter. He did the math (which he tried and failed to explain to the boys), and it was determined that Remus and Virgil had the most butterfly effect capabilities to influence this particular event

Basically, removing them from the timeline changed things just enough for Logan to find the chink in the filter’s armor. 

The duo’s job is done, and Logan is only sorry that he didn’t find them earlier to get them home.

Back To The Plot

Everything seems like it’s going to be fine, and the duo are almost able to go home, when the Lord Cerebrum finds them.

CLIMATIC SHOWDOWN

An Ending

In the end, Brian is sent to the 22th century, the year where nearly all of humanity were turned into giant rats for some reason

Logan found his way back to the 1910′s, and used the 26th century technology to heal his love. The time machine burned in the fire. Good. Space travel was where it was at, anyway.

Virgil had so much explaining to do to his parents

Remus knew that no one would believe him. Roman did.

Virgil and Remus stayed the closest of friends. They dressed up as vampires for Halloween. They stuck together. They got to grow up. 

More soulmate shenanigans, amiright?

[werevulvi]

I kinda just wanted to make a rant, to lay out why I feel so iffy about trans women and hopefully get a better understanding of my own feelings and what the fuck is brewing under that surface. There has to be a reason. This post is analytical drivel, not a debate, but by all means, feel free to respond or otherwise talk to me about this. Let's take it from the beginning and then go from there.

Part 1 Detransition:

So, I began detransitioning roughly 2 years ago. That's where my feelings about the trans community as a whole began to shift, and with that my feelings about trans women. At that time, I was still active in a truscum group and came out as detrans there, after having been known and looked up to as a trans man there for over a year. At first I was accepted, but when I started having doubts about wanting to get rid of my beard, and felt like I wanted to embrace my body hair and deep voice... people there started acting like shit towards me. They told me that my biological sex still being female did not matter, that I was essentially a man and had to detrans medically to be considered a woman again. That hurt badly.

Shortly after that, I was also told that because I was medically transitioned, trans women were "more female" than me. That was like the last drop that made the goblet pour over. Fuming, I started saying that I'm more of a woman than trans women can ever be, even if I keep a full beard, because they'll never be truly biologically female, no matter how much surgery they got. I was hurting by their cruel words, so I stuck it where it would hurt them the same. (I’ve always an “eye for an eye” sorta person.) That's when people started telling me that I hate trans women, but I felt like that was a misunderstanding. That I was just acting out, out of sadness, grief, anger, panic, and having my gender denied for the sake of validating trans women's genders.

But were they right?

Part 2 Gender critical thought:

Over time, I got exceedingly gender critical and fell into radblr. I also read/watched content that "exposed" transgenderism as a scam, most of which was articles and youtube videos from conservative right wing people, and Christians. I had joined an fb group for detransitioners, and the creator, a "born again" Christian detrans man, happily shared all the many sources he had on how transgender was all a scam from the start of its movement. I felt somewhat sick consuming those links, but probably equally intrigued. But at the same time, I kept a foot in the trans community, starving for attention, even though I was never good enough for them anymore, unless I lied and said I'm not a woman. What a sick twist of fate, I felt.

Part 3a Sexuality, from a lesbian view:

Sometime around that, I struggled with my sexuality and after a lot on inner search, I came to the conclusion I was a lesbian. I felt as though I was only attracted to the same sex as myself, including trans men, but felt nothing worth praising towards males, including trans women. That led to yet another rabbit hole that I tumbled down into. I became convinced that majority of trans women were lesbophobic predators, and I had some shit luck on dating apps. Most people who approached me there were gnc males; transvestites and trans women. I almost went on a date with a good-looking trans woman whom I had mistaken for female, because I felt guilty for having lost attraction to her the moment she told me she's trans and post-op. Luckily she canceled our date for unrelated reasons. I felt like because she was attractive to me before I knew she's trans, but felt completely uninterested in her after the fact, I couldn't possibly be attracted to trans women.

Part 3b Sexuality, from a bisexual view:

That, of course, is not necessarily a bad thing. But I kept asking myself why. Especially since I realised my error in my sexuality calculations, and upon correction discovered I'm actually bisexual after all. I still find women and transitioned females attractive, and in addition to that also men in general, and some vaguely transitioned males. Except from trans women. That odd little inconvenience stood out as a sore thumb which I couldn't stop scratching. Why? I kept asking myself. Why not trans women?

My question dug deeper than just to attraction. I don't think I feel iffy about trans women because I'm not attracted to them. I think it's the other way around.

I never had to convince myself to be attracted to trans men. I discovered early on in my own transition that some other trans men were really hot. That was it. I later on dated a trans man whom I was head over heals in love with. That confirmed it. I've been questioning my attraction to standard men and women far more than I ever questioned my attraction to trans men. It was that obvious, that clear. However, when it comes to trans women I was always the complete opposite. That no matter how I twisted and turned it, I only ever felt revulsion at the thought of being sexual or romantic with a trans woman. No matter how well or badly they passed, no matter how aesthetically pleasing or how charming their personalities.

I wanna clarify that I'm not at all forcing myself to be into trans women. I'm just trying to understand why, so that I'll no longer feel bad about my lack of attraction to them. Because I cannot accept things which I do not understand.

Part 3c Sexuality, digging for answers:

At first I thought, maybe I'm just not all that attracted to femininity. It's not like I typically get super into hyper-feminine natal women either, and fake tits and faces with a ton of plastic surgery has always made me queezy. No, I seem to have a strong preference for masculinity in partners, regardless if they're butches, other masc bi women, trans men or kinda standard masc natal men. So then it just kinda makes sense that trans women, whom are often hyper-feminine, just don't fit that image. Except... that one trans woman I almost went on a date with... she looked like a butch. I mistook her for a natal woman partly because she had short hair, no makeup and wore what looked like men's clothing, but I could see she had hips and tits, and her face looked naturally female. But I still wasn't into her, because she's trans.

Then I thought... okay, that one checks out, but maybe I'm just creeped out neo-vaginas? Yeah, that must be it! I'm almost equally creeped out by neo-penises too, but most trans men don't get bottom surgery anyway, so it hasn't been much on my mind. But then I thought: okay, but what about trans women who choose to not get bottom surgery then? I am attracted to dick. Nope, still uneasy at that thought. I started comparing men who are just very feminine, to trans women, and noticed yeah I don't actually feel half as iffy about men who are just feminine. A man in a dress and makeup can actually be very hot, to me. And I've always preferred long hair on men. But I prefer them still looking clearly male underneath that, although I don't mind a few androgynous features here and there. But I’m only into it if they don’t act like their affinity for femininity makes them women or non-binary, or if they’re feminine in a way that mocks or sexualises womanhood. So I’m not into tacky transvestites in over-sexualised lingerie. At least try to be tactful and elegant, please. So, it’s not male femininity per se that puts me off. If there’s any femininity I’m actually into, it’s male femininity. Because gender non-conformity is attractive to me. And I love the idea of being a strong female protector and girlboss of a gentle, delicate, feminine man. At least I like fantasising about that. (But enough about my daydreams.)

Part 4a Womanhood, biology and identity:

Somewhere after having gotten that far in my digging, I started getting close to finding my sore spot: trans women's view on womanhood.

As for myself, my own view of womanhood is completely detached from femininity. I'm just like... I can even have a full beard and bass voice, a flat and hairy chest, and still be a woman. Because I'm simply bio female. Trans women tend to very often think that they need to "pass" and with that comes a certain look: high voice, no facial hair, no body hair, big breasts, curvy hips, etc. All of which are features that I'm dysphoric about having on my own body, but admire in other natal women. But on trans women, it's like I feel uncomfortable about those kinda features on them. Like to me being a woman is just dealing with having developed that way, or not dealing with having developed that way. Where as for them it seems to be actually striving for developing that way, and I guess that causes my brain to short circuit. Cannot comprehend.

Part 4b Womanhood, fragility and validation:

My womanhood is kinda fragile. I admit that. I'm quite insecure as a woman, because of my transition and masculinity. I feel like most of my womanhood has been lost, which although I'm fine with, I still grieve. I grieve it because I was a bit of an idiot when I first transitioned and had not yet processed my trauma - not because I regret looking like a man. It's complicated, but basically... I feel as though my womanhood is hanging by a thread, which is my genitals, reproductive system and chromosomes; all of which are either mostly hidden or always invisible.

I'm often met with disbelief and disagreement. People either saying "You're not a woman because you can't possibly be female. You look too male." or "You're not a woman because you medically transitioned. You having a uterus is not enough to make you a woman." and it gets to me. And then there are trans women... some of whom do not even need to put on a wig to be instantly validated as women by just identifying as such. Others thinking that because I look like a man, they refuse to think of me as a woman. And that... pisses me off.

There have been a few trans women who in some utterly failed attempt at being supportive of me have said I'm like a nonbinary person who is half male and half female. That's not a lot better, but thanks for trying... I guess.

Part 4c Womanhood, dysphoria and misogyny:

I think that might be what gets to me about trans women. All of it. This entire list of things. That some of them are lesbophobic predators and have absurd claims of what being female is, that others mock womanhood, and yet others view themselves as somehow more female than I am. The genital factor and the slight creepiness of plastic surgery. Their view of womanhood as an identity and my view of it as a biological sex. I keep ending up in fights with trans women about these sorta things. I can't keep a lid on my frustrations no matter how hard I try to just see them as people with dysphoria and opinions that are different from mine. I cannot find any fucking solidarity between myself, as a dysphoric natal woman, and trans women. I feel like they're making mockery of my sex, my dysphoria and my struggles with misogyny, as well as making me feel like shit about something that I love about my body: my transition. I have no common grounds with them, and whenever they try to find solidarity in stuff like misogyny, I feel like they don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. I have a huge bone to pick with them, on multiple levels, and I don't even know where to start or where it ends.

Part 4d Womanhood, jealousy:

But a lot of it comes from jealousy. And I think it's mutual. I'm jealous of their ability to access female only spaces despite being male, which I cannot access despite being female. I'm jealous of their ability to be accepted as women. And on the other side, I think they're jealous of my reproductive ability, and my female socialisation, which I'm not like super hyped about myself, although I do love my pussy (she gives me great orgasms.) I'm jealous of their ability to claim womanhood without even trying to pass as female, because people are quicker to accept the woman-gender-identity than the woman-bio-sex. But likewise, ironically, I sense that they're jealous of that I can claim the "woman lane" despite looking convincingly male, because I'll always be biologically female, no matter how insible my sex is.

They cannot see me as a woman, because of my transition, without looking at themselves as men, no matter how far they transition. And I cannot see them as women, no matter how far they transition, without labeling myself as a man, because of my own transition. I think that about nails it.

Part 5 Conclusions:

I don't think it's true hatred, but rather insecurities both from myself and from them. Because we cannot both exist as women under the same ideology. One of us has to be considered a man, and neither of us is willing to fold on that. Ultimately... I am a threat to their womanhood, as much as they are a threat to my womanhood. And that tension is so thick... not even a knife could cut it. I guess the sad thing is though, that I think that tension is unnecessary. I am so unlike trans women that we could potentially bond based on how different we are. Because there is a lot of similarity in those differences, if you really think about it.

But no, I do not wish them harm in any way. Despite the vast array of insults I sometimes hurl their way. That is really just in response to them insulting me. I do not think they're doing anything wrong by transitioning, or even necessarily by identifying as women. I think, if they had just been more like "I can see you as a woman despite having transitioned, because deep down you like being female and having a pussy... kinda like I'm a woman because I wanna have a pussy, despite having been born male" I would have been much quicker to embrace them. Because that, I could get behind; but they can't.

So, there is no solidarity. It remains an endless fight. But I feel like it's not just on my part. I have tried. I do try. But they're not willing to meet me halfway, and that makes me go to attack in self-defense, which makes then go to attack in self-defense.

[wafflesrock16]

Ink and Blooms

So, the amazingly talented @autodiscothings updated her fantastic fic Acts Of Repetition recently, and the latest chapter featured an incredibly lovely turian tattoo artist. Smitten, I asked Auto if I could write a lil thing with her boy and she agreed.

So! Here’s my ode to @autodiscothings sweet turian bae, Nous. Naturally I have a human lady falling for him because I am predictable trash.

Zenellia D’kafi, the asari matriarch who ran Thessian Impressions floral boutique was a force of nature when it came to cultivating new clients. 

“Everyone is a potential client,” she informed Faustine from behind a large mug of tea. “A random hanar apostle might wish to leave flowers as an offering to the Enkindlers. The elcor business man, away from home too frequently, would like a bouquet to send to his wife as a reminder he’s thinking of her.”

Faustine glanced up from where she was meticulously measuring out gold silk ribbon. “And Adamius Studios?” She glanced out the shop window to the studio across the street. It used to be a mattress store, though little of the building’s past life remained on the exterior. 

Zenellia smiled, the light sparkling in her cornflower eyes. “Nous Adamius,” she said, drawing out the surname. “Now there’s an artist who’s in demand. The tattooist of the elite.” She followed Fautine’s gaze. “Hmm. In his case, he’s hosting an art exhibition for select clientele next week. The who’s-who of wealth and influence will be there--they always show up for art exhibits.”

“And our supplying the floral arrangements might garner other high-end customers in addition to Nous,” Faustine surmised. 

“Smart girl,” Zenellia said, taking a prim sip of tea. “You know, I have a mind to let you finalize the arrangements with Mr. Adamius.”

“Really?” Faustine clasped her hands to her mouth with excitement. “A solo consult?”

Zenellia chuckled, leaning against the glass counter. “I’ve already discussed the arrangements with him, so this will just be hemming in the finer details. Where he wants the vases placed and so on. You’ve been with me on enough consultations and set-ups, you can do this on your own.”

“Thank you Miss Zenellia!” Faustine reigned herself in. “I can handle this,” she said, straightening her posture. “When do I meet with him?”

“Tomorrow morning, before his studio opens.”

                                                    **********

Faustine enjoyed fashion. And art and flowers and color. Her wardrobe was a blend of bright color and textures. Her grandmother used to say that she would have loved Earth back in the 1980’s and based on pictures she’d seen, Faustine was inclined to agree. 

But today was professional. Her mentor was trusting her to make a good impression and Faustine needed to represent Thessian Impressions while also simultaneously reassuring Nous--Mr. Adamius--that he’d made a wise choice in ordering floral arrangements for his event and should consider doing so again. 

Faustine chose a slate pant-suit with a violet camisole from the back of her closet. It was from an elite fashion line, but had been on clearance since it was from the year before. Still, as she slipped on black high heels, Faustine felt a sense of empowerment. 

She hesitated over her hair. Did turians even notice human hair? Should she take the extra effort to curl it? Deciding it couldn’t hurt, Faustine brushed, curled, and styled her auburn locks until they gleamed under the artificial bathroom lights. Some mascara and bright red lipstick completed the look and before she could second guess herself, she was hailing a skycar and then stepping out in front of Adamius Studios.

She normally walked to work, but doing so in heels was out of the question. These were shoes for show, not practicality. Pulling up her omni-tool, she contacted Mr. Adamius to let him know she was from Thessian Impressions and here to speak to him. 

The windows to the studio were opaque, but in a slow parade of light starting from the back of the building, the room lit up. The door opened as Faustine leaned closer to peer inside. 

“Hello.” 

“Hi! Mr. Adamius?”

He nodded, opening the door wider for her to enter. She’d seen him before, of course--he worked across the street. She’d never seen him up close, though. He was a good deal taller than her but held himself tightly like a curled fern frond. The effect gave him a shorter, hunched appearance. 

He had pale plates, not quite white, but a light tan. His hide was a deep molten red with eyes that reminded her of orange, autumn leaves. 

His most notable feature wasn't his eyes or plates or posture. He had bold, purple colony markings which ran in thick lines toward his eye sockets like a roadmap.The plating on his arms bore similar lines of the same color. Faustine wondered if colony markings extended all over the body. She’d never considered it before, but as she admired the bold, black, geometric patterns that spiraled away from his neck plating in a decorative collar, she decided that this was art, unrelated to the colony markings turians were so famous for. 

Mr. Adamius cleared his throat loudly and Faustine realized with racing horror that she’d been staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth like he were an exhibit on show. 

“Oh!” It was her turn to clear her throat. “Your tattoos are beautiful,” she murmured, looking at the floor. 

“Thank you.” His voice was soft. Not at all loud and bold like his art. “You work for Matriarch Zenellia?”

Faustine released a small sigh that they were moving on. “Yes, I’m her protege, as it were. She wanted me to finalize the details with you for next week.”

She smiled, tilting her head in a friendly manner. Mr. Adamius flicked out a mandible in what she associated as a turian smile, though he avoided looking her in the eyes. She wondered if that was a personality thing or something… maybe he doesn’t like me? 

“I was thinking of an arrangement on the reception desk and a few smaller vases along the wall,” Mr. Adamius said, pointing to where several bed posts were mounted and functioning as coat racks. A large, framed canvas sat beneath the racks. On it was what looked like an abstract shoal of fish with luminous, foreign script weaving through it. Faustine didn’t recognize the writing but felt it safe to assume it was turian.“I discussed using a mix of thessian, earth, and palaveni flowers,” Mr. Admius continued. “I want the color scheme to stay cobalt, gold, and white, but I’m open to flower types. Nothing too lavish, the art is the focal point.”

“Zenellia mentioned that,” Faustine said, wiping away any concerns about her likability for the moment. Pulling up her omni-tool, she moved closer to Mr. Adamius to show him the samples of different arrangements in the colors he’d requested. This close, she could smell a slightly acrid scent of what she assumed was ink. But overpowering that was a woody smell that reminded her of pine trees. Mr. Adamius smells like Christmas, she thought.

She glanced up at him from where he was admiring a proposed arrangement. He was wearing loose fitted clothes that placed his heavily inked hide on full display. Zenella had mentioned he was younger, but the asari considered everyone younger since she herself was 876 years old.

Nous seems like he’s my age. Maybe a little older. Early to mid thirties? 

“I like this one best,” he said, oblivious to her internal musings. Faustine looked at the arrangement he’d chosen. It was the one she’d put together. Not the four Zenella had proposed, but the one she had done. 

“I did that one,” she told him proudly. 

“It’s beautiful,” he said in a softer voice, looking not at her eyes, but seemingly her hair. “It’ll work perfectly for what I have planned.”

Instead of replying Faustine responded by grinning at him like an idiot. She was high on accomplishment, she’d convince herself later. But it was thanks to this that Mr. Adamius nervously glanced away, toward a small, unassuming painting partially concealed by the reception desk.

“Is that an anchor?” She pointed at the familiar shape which was the main subject of the painting. 

“Yes. I’m fond of the nautical themes found in all cultures. The convergence of design between them, be they human, asari, or turian. We’re all interconnected by the oceans of our worlds.” He let out a quiet hum, unfurling from his tightly held hunch. “It reminds me of my childhood, too, I suppose.”

“You grew up near the ocean?” Faustine asked curiously. “I thought turians weren’t the biggest fans of deep, open water. No offense!” she added, horrified she’d possibly insulted him. 

His easy chuckle immediately set her at ease. “Overall, you’re right. Most turians avoid the open ocean. But my homeworld is different.” His mandibles flicked outward as he looked down at his hands. The three fingers of his left hand each bore a small fish tattoo on the knuckle. “Rocam has a huge fishing industry. I grew up around the sea and fishing boats. My childhood involved lots of fishing and playing in the surf. Eating charred salmo around a beach fire with my grandparents. Listening to fisherman swap stories on the wharf.”

Faustine watched the fish tattoos flex with his fingers. Remembering the other canvas leaning against the wall, she looked closer at the framed picture. The fish looked like they were formed from ink splats, honed with a pen to give them more definition and shape.

“You did that?” she asked pointing. 

Turning, Mr. Adamius nodded. “I did all the nautical themed paintings in here,” he said. Faustine felt like the quiet, rolling subvocals under the spoken words were proud. 

“You’re so talented,” she sighed, feeling mildly envious. “Do you have other paintings like that one?”

“Yes, but they’re in the back. I’ll put them out next week for the exhibit.”

“Oh.”

“I…” a soft whine escaped through his tightly clamped mandibles. “Would you, um. Like to come to the exhibit?”

“Your art exhibit next week? Of course I’d love to go!” Faustine forced herself to school her features into a more poised look. “I mean, if you’re inviting me, I’d absolutely love to see the rest of your work.”

Nous let out a huff of air. “It’s not just my work, all the artists in the studio are going to display something. But if you’d like to come, I’d love to see you. At the event.” He cleared his throat, stepping away from her personal space which at some point he’d entered. 

“Thank you,” Faustine whispered, feeling a blush creep over her cheeks. “Um, I’ll let Zenella know which arrangement you selected and where and how many you wanted.” She made to head for the door, but forgetting her high heels, tripped and nearly collapsed face first into the deep blue and white rug.

A strong arm seized her around the waist and held her until she was steady on her feet again. “Damn shoes,” she muttered, more embarrassed then she’d been in years. “Nous, I--”

“Not a problem. Are you all right?”

“Fine, I’m fine. Only thing injured is my pride.” She gave him a sheepish smile, sure her face was beet red. 

For the first time since she’d entered his studio, Nous looked her in the eye. “Wounded pride isn’t the worst injury,” he said in that soft, smokey voice. 

She stared into the swirling amber of his irises. Turians had smaller eyes than humans, but their gaze was intense. She wondered what he thought about her own hazel eyes. 

He bowed his head after a moment, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, I’ll see you at the exhibit?”

“Before that, actually,” she replied, blinking away whatever trance she’d fallen under. “I’ll bring the flowers by an hour before your exhibit starts.”

“I look forward to seeing you then.”

So do I, Faustine thought, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she headed out the door. So do I.

[kendrixtermina]

Further reactions to "The book of lost tales":

I appreciate that Idril canonically wears armor and does swordfighting.

I feel like I can actually imagine adult!Idril much better now like in armor and with open hair, distraught but ready to fight while babby Earendil does not yet realize the danger...

My first thought is that Earendil was probably cute in that baby chainmail. My second thought is OUCH, Idril and Tuor always made sure their growing baby had fitting chainmail cause they felt the apocalypse might get them at any moment. Imagine that, imagine them having the baby armor fitted every year or so :(

Its fun how much of the basic structure already exists but most of what you'd consider the main characters doesn't exist or is scattered across various minor roles The only Prince anywhere in sight is Turgon - Except for Team Doriath, theyre all accounted for. I suppose Maeglin is kinda there in name only with vaguely the same role & motivation, but looks personality and background all did a 180 since. Luthien is still pretty much "princesd classic" at this point, not quite the fearless go-getter from the final version - markedly this version tells Beren that she doesnt want to wander in the wilderness with him whereas the final one says she doesnt care and its Beren still wants to get the shiny so as not to ask this of her and also for his honor.

I mean in the finished version Id consider the 3rd and 4th gen royals to be the main characters (well, alobgside Team Doriath and the varioud human heroes) and theyre hardly here. Imagine the silm with no Finrod!

Feanor had no affiliation with the royal family whatsoever, and is also generally less super. He's just the guy who won the jewelsmithing competition, not the inventor of the whole discipline. Still seems to have been envisionad as a respected member of the community who gets called to the palace for crisis meetings and is listened to when he stsrts giving speeches. From the first he already has the backstory of going off the deep end (or at least growing disillusioned with Valinor) after a family member is killed by Melkor and theyre still the first to die, but its just some other rando unrelated to the royals

The situation regarding the humans is different - instead of Melkor leaking their existence, its Manwe who explains that the other continents were supposed to be for them eventually. So Feanor goes off on a tirade about weak puny mortals comes off as a more of a jerk unlike in the final version where Melkor barely knew about the humans and described them to the Noldor as a threat. On the other hand in this one, also very much unlike in the finished product, Melkor dupes even Manwe into being unfair to the elves as a whole. In this the final version is a definite improvement, both Feanor and the Valar come off as a lot more sympathetic and though still deceived he's partially right in some things at least, so you have more of a genuine tragedy rather than a simple feud

There is something to the idea of Commoner!Feanor tho. I guess some of this survived in his nomadic explorer lifestyle and how both his wife and mother (who arent mentioned here) eventually were the ones to get that background of being not especially pretty ladies who are not from the nobility but got renown, respect and acclaim for their unique talent and contribution to society, with each having invented things and Nerdanel also being renowed for her wisdom. Hes sort of an odysseus-like Figure in that sense. I suppose later developements necesitated that Maedhros & co. have an army not just a band of thieves, which means they needed to be nobles/lords. That said this being a society where artisans are very respected and half the lords have scholarly/artistic pursuits going, the gap was probably not as big to begin with as it might have been in say, medieval England. Esoecially since Nerdanel's father had been given special honor by one of the local deities and that the social order might have been a very recent thing in Miriel's time. One might speculate that the first generation of Lords started out as warriors during the great journey, or perhaps just Finwe's friend group.

Also found that bit intetesting where the Valar have to deal with the remaining political tensions and effects of Melkor's lies on the remaining population in Valinor... - i guess with the change of framing device it was less likely for news of something like this to reach Beleriand. That, or the existence of Finarfin and his repentance made this go smoother this over in later cannon

Turgon's go-down-with-the-ship moment reaaly got to me. Im half tempted to write a fic where his wife, siblings and dad glomp him on arrival in Mandos. I dont care that none of them exists yet in this continuity i want Turgon to get hugs

I love all the additional Detail that got compressed out in the shift from fairytale-ish to pseudohistoric style especially all the various Valinor magic insofofar as it is compatible with the final version - particularly love the idea of the connection between the lamps and the trees that is now integrated into my headcanon forever

Its actually explained what the doors of night are

If I had not already read unfinished tales or volumes X to XII where this is also apparent, this is where I would say: Ah so the Valar were supposed to be flawed characters. Manwe has an actual arc; by the time he sends Gandalf he finally "got" it. I think in the published silm the little arcs of Ulmo and Manwe are mostly just lost in compression/ less apparent when only some of the relevant scenes got in but not all

It occurred to me way too late that the "BG" chars are the most consistent because theyre at the start and most stories are written from beginning to end. Finwe doesnt get a dedicated paragraph of explicit description until HoME X but my takeaway was that he's described pretty much like I always imagined him anyways/ same vibe I always got from him... charismatic, thoughtful, enthusiastic, sanguine temperament, brave in a pinch but at times lets his judgement be clouded by personal sentiment (though that last bit is more apparent/salient as a character flaw once he became the father of a certain Problem Child) ...i guess this would be a result of jrrt having had a consistent idea of him in his head for a long time.

This means Finwe's still alive at the time of the exodus which is just fun to see/interesting to know... Interestingly he sort of gets what later would be Finarfin's part of ineffectually telling everxone to please chill and think it over first while Feanor simply shouts louder (which is consistent with his actions before the sword incident in later canon where he initially spoke out against the suspiciozs regarding the Valar) - but its not exactly the same, he's more active than Finarfin later in that when "chillax" availed nothing he said that then at least they should talk with the other Kings and Manwe to leave with their blessing and get help leaving (This seems like it would have been the clusterfuck preventing million dollar suggestion in the universe where Feanor is related to him and values him) but when even that falls on death ears he decides that he "would not be parted from his people" and went to run the preparations. I find it interesting that the motivation is sentiment/attachment (even phrased as "he would not be parted from [his people]" same words/ expression as is later used for the formenos situation), not explicitly obligation as it later is for Fingolfin (who had promised to follow Feanor and didnt want to leave his subjects at the mercy of Feanor's recklessness )

Speaking of problem children. It seems the sons of Feanor were the Kaworu Nagisa of the Silmarillion in that originally all they do is show up at some point and kill Dior as an episodic villain-of-the-week. And then, it seems their role got bigger in each continuity/rewrite... probably has something to do with the Silmarils ending up in the title later making it in the sense their story that ends and begins with them. They have zero characterization beyond "fierce and wild" at this point, though in what teetsy bits there is we already have the idea that Maedhros is the leader and Curufin is the smart one/shemer/sweet-talker, though not the bit where Maedhros (or Maglor, or anyone really) is "the nice one". Which I guess explains why "Maglor" sounds like such a stereotypical villain name.

"The Ruin of Doriath" was purportedly the patchworkiest bit of the finished product, but I never noticed and it actually left quite an impression of me upon first reading, the visual of Melian sitting there with Thingol's corpse in her arms contemplating everything thinking back to how they met... she had the knowledge to warn him not to doom himself but couldnt get him to understand it because he doesnt see the world as she does.... After reading this though I wish there was a 'dynamic' rendition that combined all the best bits like, youd have to adapt it to the later canon's rendition of the dwarves, have Nargothrond exist etc. But i mean that just makes Finrod another dead/doomed relative of Thingol's whom bling cannot truly replace, like Luthien and Turin. In the Silmarillion you could easily read it as just an "honoured guest treatment" but here and in unfinished tales I get the impression that Thingol actually did see Turin as a son.

Already you see the idea of trying to make the stories all interconnected but there is less than there will be (the human heroes aren't related yet and there is basically no Nargothrond, which is later a common thread for many of the stories - a prototype shows up in the 'Tale of Turambar' tho complete with half baked prototypes of Orodreth and Finduillas

O boi im not even through yet

[neirawrites]

AUGUST EVENT: Your Antagonist’s Backstory

Name: Zana Rahimi

WiP: Phantom Limb (intro)

Week 1 (- August 2nd): Introduction

This scene isn’t the part of the novel, but it is canon and it takes place shortly before the start of the story (mild spoilers ahead). 

TW: systemic homophobia, assault (unrelated to it), terrorism 

If she was born two millennia later, she would have been a doctor, helping people and healing the sick, just like her mother before her; that was always her only goal, even if some didn’t see it that way. But, she knew her path was the right one and nothing anyone could say could deter her from it. Not even the soft sobs of a man, hunched on a waiting room bench, in front of the hospital room he wasn’t allowed into.

His name was Kristian Kapikul and his state, and the state of his lover on the other side of that wall, were her fault, but she was the one with the power to make it better.

-Kristian,- she said in her calmest voice, approaching the sobbing man who looked up at her, his eyes red shot, his shirt still covered with blood of his lover. They met already; she was a patron of many talents from across the land, but he probably couldn’t remember her. She didn’t blame him. One of the curses of immortally was the fleeting nature of her existence in the minds of others.

-My name is Zana Rahimi,- she continued, as he stood up to greet her, wary on his feet, like he might fall any second. –I am oh so very sorry about what happened to Fatmir, but the doctors assured me he would get the best care available.-

He still didn’t say anything, wiping the snot off his face with the sleeve of his designer shirt, so she continued.

-Come, let’s go into his room.- She put her hand on his shoulder, to indicate they were supposed to move, but he was still too shocked to react.

-They told me…- he started, his eyes wide in fear, but she shook her head.

-They told you wrong,- she said. –Just because you are not legally family, doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to see him. I will not stand for that kind of bigotry. I have talked to the head of the hospital and we have worked it out. She will personally apologize to you for the way her staff treated you two very soon, so we don’t have much time alone.-

She took care that her warm smile never leaves her face even for a moment. She was a people person, especially when it came to young men and women down on their luck. He just needed a little time.

Soon enough, Kristian nodded and the two of them made their way to a white room where a previously handsome man with dirty blonde hair laid on the bed, hooked to a respirator, white as the sheet behind him. See through liquid dropped from a bag handing above him into his arm, but the amount of blood he lost would be difficult to replace. Pure humans were so fragile. One stab in the leg was all it took.  

-Fatmir will be ok,- she told Kristian as she sat on one of the chairs next to the unconscious man, even if she wasn’t sure of her statement. If he died in the next few hours, he wouldn’t be gone, but would become a part of something greater, a part of the new world. Still, Kristian didn’t need to be bothered with such concepts right now. He needed hope and she was there to give it to him.

-Thank you,- he finally said, as his carefully practiced persona came out. –For everything you’ve done for me. But, why?-

-Because you are Kristian Kapikul, Serbia’s most famous cellist. Because he is Fatmir Suljagich, Bosnian football representative. And, because, in a way, what happened here was my fault,- she said.

-No, he was in the kitchen and fell on the knife. I told that to the police, I didn’t do anything to him!- he insisted again, but she didn’t need to be convinced.

-I know, because I know who did. Izeta Suljagish, his grandmother. The one who has been dead for over a decade, right? I know you can’t tell that to anyone, but I know the truth,- she told him. Sergej briefed her on all of this as soon as he realized what had happened. The more of the dead, the stronger they became, but very few were violent. Still, it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle.

Kristian turned as pale as his lover, but she took a deep breath and, for a few moments, drifted off to the world of the dead, just to let him know this wasn’t a prank of some sort. She became invisible, but also invincible. Maybe she belonged to the world on the other side more than she would like to admit, but she liked the real one better. That was why she fought so hard to save it.

-What are you?- he asked, his eyes wide in terror as she turned back to her normal form.

-I am a philanthropist. A world traveler. And I am half dead,- she said in the most casual tone possible. It was her reality, for millennia now. Being on the edge of the living and the dead was the core of her existence, ever since her mother brought her father from the other side for just one night. –I’m not like Fatmir’s grandma who attacked him tonight,- she continued. –She died, but I was born like this, long, long time ago. Me and ghosts, we are connected. I need them as much as they need me, but sometime, they lose control of their emotions and tragedies like this happen. That is why I’m sorry.-

-Why do you need the ghosts?- he asked.

-Because we live in a world that isn’t fair, where love isn’t legal, where corrupt politicians rule the planet they are not equipped to handle. We live in a world full of injustice and tragedies and I need these ghost to change that.-

This was the tricky part. She didn’t want him to ask more questions. Over the years, she learned most people didn’t think ends justified the means. She didn’t want him to learn she was the one behind the terrorists attack that killed grandma Izeta in the first place, as well as the one that crippled his best friend and killed the love of her life only few months ago. At least not yet. They weren’t the only ones. On her quest to save the world and to unite the worlds of the dead and the living, she had already sacrificed the lives of over a thousand people. Those were the ghost people encountered these days, but, on the New Year’s Eve, when the clock strikes midnight, it will all come together. She will bring an end to the concept of death itself.

But maybe Kristian wouldn’t listen. Maybe he would turn on her, like others did before, without realizing she was the only one who could bring down the barrier between life and death and bring about the age of peace. Humans were sometimes blind to the bigger picture.

She had her family, people who knew her whole plan, her sons and daughters she rescued from the life of drugs and petty crime for the sake of survival. They listened to her words, saw her truth and were willing to die for it. Some already have, and, for their sacrifices, she would forever be grateful. However, she didn’t need Kristian’s loyalty. All he needed to know was that she was doing the right thing.

But, he didn’t ask more question, just like Sergej told her he wouldn’t. A polite young man, a great addition to her collection. In his eyes, she saw only gratitude. Grateful people; those are the ones who she needed on her side and she knew she made another ally.

-Thank you,- he repeated, pulling her into a hug she didn’t ask for, but didn’t mind, even if she will be covered in blood now too. –How can I ever repay you?- he asked.

-You don’t need to, my boy,- she said. –I only did the right thing, but if it ever comes the time I need your help, I am sure you will be there for me.- He nodded, still crying.

-Anything!- he said and she smiled.

-For start, take care of him for me,- she said, brushing a lock of Fatmir’s hair, matter with blood, out of his face. –As for the rest of it, we will make it up as we go.-

....

did you know that my favorite villains are the mom/dad kind, who are can be really sweet, help individuals, but also commit war crimes? 

I love Kris too, he is a mess and a bootlicker, but he just wants to be accepted and he is far from villain, but this seemed like a nice scene to write, after not writing for weeks. 

Hope you liked it. 

[peanutparade]

Someone asked me what my process was, and I’m not sure I gave her a satisfying answer in the PM, so here I will attempt to explain how I make a game from start to finish.

*Please note the the drafts above are not for the same story, but for the purpose of illustration.

**Also please take this advice with a grain of salt. I’m not a published author (though I do know a bit about the publishing industry), and I’m definitely not a perfect writer. This is my process, and the things I try to keep in mind when I’m writing, and you may find this advice to be complete garbage.

Step one: Get an idea for a story. I can’t really give any tips on how to go about doing this. I tend to take inspiration from other works of media (classical literature is my favorite, though I have taken cues from more contemporary sources as well).

Step two: Consider who your characters are going to be. It’s okay if you only have one or two characters in mind at first. I’m pretty utilitarian about my characters, so most of them don’t get created until step three.

Step three: Open a word document and just start typing shit out. (I use Google Drive so I can access it from anywhere, and for another reason which I’ll get to later.) Don’t stop to think, don’t even breathe. Just type. Any idea that comes into your head goes in the document. Some of it won’t make sense with everything else, some of it will contradict other things, some of it will be vaguely defined. You will fix that later. This is the most important part (especially the way I write), because it’s where you’re going to get an idea of how your story starts and how it ends, as well as cement your cast of characters. If you need a scene where your main character goes to a lighthouse, then you know you’ll also need to come up with a lighthouse keeper (see my comment above about being utilitarian with characters. I’m no authority, so if you do things differently, that’s fine, but I don’t like making characters that don’t serve a purpose).

Step four: Annotation, annotation, annotation! (This is the other thing I use Google Drive for, as it has a comment feature that I heavily rely on.) Go through all your scribbling and make notes for yourself. Be a little hard on yourself here, because this is the part where you’re going to try to make everything you’ve written in Draft 1 cohesive. This will be a long process, as you need to think about how all of this is connected, as well as think about what sort of arcs your main characters are going to go through. I read somewhere once that ALL of your characters have to go through an arc, but that’s a bunch of wacky nonsense. Some characters are minor characters, and thus do not require depth. The only character arc that MUST be included is the main character’s arc. Remember: character arc ≠ character motivation. ALL major characters (protagonist(s), love interest(s), villain(s)) MUST have motivation for what they are doing. The motivation doesn’t have to be anything too complex, just so long as the audience understands why the characters are doing what they’re doing. (Minor characters with motivation can make the world feel more real and lived in, but they can also make the story feel bogged down. Brevity is key here, and sometimes less is more.)

Step five: Draft 2 All of that plotting you just did? Throw it away! Just kidding, don’t actually throw it away. BUT you’re going to rewrite your plot outline, tidier this time, and only refer back to Draft 1 when you get stuck. Feel free to come up with new ideas during this time; Draft 1 is not your story’s final form. If you think of scenes or quotes, feel free to include them in this draft, but you’re mostly just outlining right now. (As you may notice in the image above, Draft 2 is also subject to annotation.) Draft 2 is where you should be solidifying the themes of your story. Character arc(s) should tie into and support this theme. This is also the draft where you should be catching any plot holes (especially if you don’t have an editor/beta reader), as once you’ve begun actually writing the story, any problems here will only compound as you go.

Step six: Write the story It’s pretty straightforward. Follow Draft 2 (and any additional annotations you made on Draft 2), and go scene by scene and write. I never skip around, as it makes it hard to keep track of what characters know at what time, but I know of authors that do skip around, and they seem to do okay. You’ll have to figure out what works best for you.

Step seven: Edit, edit, edit! Aside from the obvious (typos and spelling errors), look out for:

Scenes that are too long or too short. Counterintuitively, these may be the result of the same problem: a lack of purpose. Ask yourself, “Does this need to be here?”

Long-winded info dumps. Consider the old adage, “show, don’t tell.” Whenever information can be conveyed through action or reaction, write it that way. If you can convey two things at the same time (i.e. something about a character and also something about the world--bonus if these two things are actually unrelated to each other), do it.

Information that your audience wouldn’t logically have being the key to resolving the plot. Especially in sci-fi and fantasy stories, if the conclusion of the story relies on knowing something--even if it’s something that the characters all know--you need to make sure your audience also knows this, or else they will be frustrated. Keep in mind the Rule of Threes.

And that’s the story portion done. If you’re making a visual novel/dating sim, there are other steps you need to do. (I usually do this stuff while writing the story so it doesn’t get tedious, but if you’re hiring people to do this other stuff, you should probably have the writing done ahead of time. If you’re hiring writers to help you, you should have Draft 1 done, at the least. Your writers can probably take it from there.)

NOTE: Any job you don’t do yourself is something that will cost you money. If you can find other aspiring creators to volunteer their time to your project, good for you, but please do not approach anyone directly unless you plan to offer to pay them (”for exposure” is not payment).

Step eight: Character sprites Major characters are going to need to be represented visually in your visual novel (go figure!), so... draw some people? I know some people make character design sheets, but I just jump right in, and then later, make microedits to the sprites as the mood strikes me. The design sheet thing is probably a smarter way to do it. I use photoshop, and I would strongly encourage keeping hair, clothing, and facial features on separate layers until you know exactly how you plan to code them into your game.

Step nine: Backgrounds Same as the sprites, except places instead of people. I’m bad at this, so I have no right to give anyone advice. I use a 3D interior design app to create a guide for what I want rooms to look like, and then I use that to get my vanishing points and furniture sizing right. This method is 50% tracing, 50% wishing I was dead. I do not recommend it.

Step ten: Audio If your game will have voice acting, get that together now. If you’re composing your own music, you’re more talented than I am. For my first game, I utilized royalty free options (incompetech and bensound), but now I hire a composer (I do still supplement my soundtrack with royalty free options if it’s for something inconsequential). I don’t use many sound effects, but when I do, I just look for free options online.

Step eleven: Coding I use Ren’py because it’s free and easy to learn (provided you don’t want to do anything too complicated). There are tons of resources online to teach you how to use Ren’py, both from official sources and unofficial sources. I’ve never posted in the forums myself, but the people there seem very kind and helpful if you get stuck. (If anyone wants to see how I code, specifically, I’ll do a Part Two for it, but I have to warn you that my games are the coding equivalent car repairs done with bubblegum and duct tape.)

Step twelve: Playtesting Make sure your game works. It’s pretty straightforward. You can even recruit some guinea pigs--I mean, friends to help you. (I don’t have any friends, so I do this part on my own.)

By this point, a year or so will have passed (give or take, depending how long your game is, how much time you have to work on it, and how much of the work you plan to do by yourself), and with any luck, you’ll have a game! Posting your game on itch.io is free, but putting your game on steam will cost you $100.

Like I said to the person on patreon who originally asked me about my process, making a visual novel is a lot of work, but I encourage everyone to at least try it and see if you like it.

I look forward to hearing your stories!  ♥