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luvstrology · 4 years ago

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saturn opposite chiron

-this aspect is usually one that suggests a difficult or wounded relationship with the father or a key father-like/authoritative figure in a persons life; people with this aspect may have had a challenging relationship with their father [or similar figure] who may have been overbearing, unfair, aggressive while in some ways simultaneously distant, absent or caught up in his own wounds/struggles

-people with this placement may have a tendency towards feelings of inadequecy, self doubt, low self esteem, fear of rejection, lack of confidence in their abilities, imposter syndrome, feeling undeserving, feeling pressured to be perfect etc

-however, not only do they struggle with these feelings towards themselves, those with this aspect may also be quite judgemental towards others also; perhaps often rejecting others, being a harsh critic, setting unrealistic expectations for others, projecting their fears onto others, expecting the worst from others. a lot of the time they do not act this way out of intentional negativity towards others; usually this is a projection/representation of how they were treated by others or how they treat/think of themselves

-they may find themselves working tirelessly in order to achieve some sense of feeling enough; although a lot of the time they are chasing an unnatainable goal as their feeling of inadequecy is often very deep rooted and not so easily resolved through unrelated achievements

-people with this aspect may commonly feel extremely uncomfortable around anyone who is particularly authorative, aggressive, strict, harsh etc as they hate being in situations where they may be treated unfairly, looked down upon, judged etc which may stem from experiences from their childhood or interactions they had early in their life [again, possibly influenced by their father figure or a key authorative figure in their lives]

-because of this, they may feel very uneasy around authority figures such as bosses, teachers, people they deem 'better' than them or intimidating etc

-it is often common for people with this aspect to hold on to a lot of trauma, both their own and that of those closest to them/around them; they may feel responsible for it in some way or feel like they need to hold onto it to relieve others from doing so. a lot of the time, they do this quietly so people may not realise or notice just how much they are dealing with or trying to process

-furthermore, while one person may experience something and let go of it quickly/easily, overcome or forget about it, a person with this aspect is much more likely to keep the trauma of it with them, sometimes very deeply

-people with this aspect may experience family related issues or may struggle to feel secure within their family or loved by family members; they may find it difficult to comprehend that family can be loving, safe, secure, caring, etc. this does not always mean they have a traumatic response/relationship with their family, they may just feel very distant to their family or alienated from their family, like they don't fit in

-they may struggle to find their place in the world; their fear of rejection combined with their fear of abandonment can cause them to both hold on to things that do not serve them while not making the most out of potential opportunities due to fear of failure/rejection, they may also be very suspicious of others and struggle to trust others, often keeping people at arms length and struggling to develop the deep connections they have craved for so long

-at times, people with saturn opposite chiron may feel like their relatioinship with themselves is what holds them back from healing, connecting with others or achieving what they want. they may struggle with lonliness and even feel like they deserve to feel this way. they may also struggle with feelings of shame, dissapointment or resentment when it comes to how they feel about themselves

-they may feel like they don't ever fit in; they may feel so far away from others and find it hard to connect with people. they might believe that they have too many problems which prevent them from establishing healthy relationships/connections with others. because of this, they may trick themselves into believing that they are simply destined to be independent and self sufficient; that they do not need anyone other than themselves and because of this may feel very dissapointed, guilty, weak or even ashamed in themselves if they ever feel like they want/need a relationship as so often they assume that to depend on someone else is a weakness for them

-because it is common for them to hold on to trauma/emotions etc for others, it may be also common for people with this aspect to feel upset if they do not feel needed by others; so often, they have a tendency to pride themselves for holding it all together and being there for others [even if it is detrimental to themselves] and it gives them a sense of security to fit themselves into others' lives by being useful or serving a purpose. if they do not feel needed by others, they may feel discarded, unwanted, useless, misplaced; their sense of purpose is taken away from them and without that they may feel like they have nothing left as they are given security by giving so much of themselves to others [so that they don't have to deal with their own issues]

-sometimes, people with this aspect may struggle with trying to understand their trauma or issues [chiron rules our wounds and struggles] and because of this they may find themselves behaving in very self-destructive ways in order to 'recreate' or find the trauma so that they can understand it in the present and heal, although this usually does more harm than good because it causes them to stray further and further away from the root of the problem

-this can be a very, very difficult aspect to have; people with it may become very withdrawn at times, absorbed in their own problems/traumas/wounds, lost in their own head, obsessing over the unfairness of what they are feeling/what they have been through

-the lesson of this aspect is to learn how to deal with pain and trauma that stems from the wound caused by chiron; we are never to blame for the bad things that have happened to us and we should never blame ourselves for it. however, the influence of saturn on this aspect is urging us to have more control over how we allow our pain to affect our lives; it encourages us to decide how much power we give to the pain and trauma in our life and be in control of how we continue living with it

-although this is a particularly challenging and painful aspect to have, the influence of saturn [ruler of restriction, rules, control, limitation] encourages people to limit how much pain and power this trauma caused by chiron holds over them, it encourages people to choose healing to overcome their issues; rather than cycles of self destruction or revisiting old trauma hoping for a different outcome

-it is often beneficial for people with this aspect to learn/understand/acknowledge that while wounds [chiron] may not dissapear or be completely forgotten about, they still have potential to be in control [saturn] of how much of an impact they have; this aspect is trying to teach that trauma doesn't have to define a person and that people are able to regain control even after struggling with something

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femininetea · 4 years ago

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RWBY Parallels:

Qrow and Winter

Spoilers for RWBY Volume 8 Finale

Now with V8Ch14, I finally have most puzzle pieces to make a post about these two. This post is up to interpretation so whether you view this in a shipping way or from a character plot perspective is all up to you. Stay kind. <3

Some parallels are obvious and don't need further explanation, for others I will go more into depth. I'm not sure if RWBY is doing this on purpose but I do hope that these parallels will matter at some point for character growth.

Both are the right hand to their head masters, trusting their judgement with their life

They were trained and put into their positions by their head masters themselves. Qrow who was a student at Beacon and became part of Ozpins inner circle. And Winter who was a student at Atlas, has the 2nd highest rank in the military and is Ironwoods right hand

-> note that we met Lionheart and he did not have anyone close in that position who'd be his 'Qrow' or 'Winter'

Both grew up in emotionally unstable environments with no proper image of family and were expected to become independent early in their childhood. Qrow who grew up with the bandits and Winter who grew up in the abusive Schnee household

They're related to the main cast and are their mentors (Qrow - Ruby/Winter - Weiss)

Qrow is like a 2nd father figure to Ruby and Winter like a mother figure to Weiss

They take their roles as mentors, caretakers and family figures and apply it to people around them. Qrow who took care of the main cast from V4 - V6 and Winter who acts like a big sister to Penny and is overprotective of people who are younger than her (like Marrow)

They're both emotionally distant and only get warm around their younger family members but also hide their true personal feelings in order to protect them

Both dealt with alcoholism, Qrow who is a former alcoholic and Winter who grew up with an alcoholic mother

They're cut of from their team. STRQ fell apart and Winter was in a former team since it's the norm for the academy. Penny told us in V7 that' she's not part of a team anymore since she works for the military and that the general told her "that she doesn't have time for friends", the same probably applies to Winter

They both are connected to magic (Qrow-> can turn into a bird, Winter - > Winter Maiden)

Ozpin and Ironwood both manipulated them. Ozpin didn't trust Qrow enough and sent him off to deadly missions and kept him in the dark. While Ironwood didn't keep secrets from Winter, her position in the military and Ironwoods knowledge of her past family life put her into a state where she is selfless and doesn't care about her life or doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way. She gets shut up by Ironwood when speaking her mind in certain situations (V3 Ozpins office, V7 Jacques Dining Table, V8 before Emerald disguised as Penny arrives)

They got both sent to deadly missions (for Winter it was in Mistral from V4-v5 and the planned bomb for the whale)

They're almost emotionally dependent on their guardians. Qrow felt like Ozpin finally gave him a purpose and a place to be. Similar to Winter where she found a father figure and a place where she felt like she could do some real good for the world.

After Qrow building up walls to not open up to people because of his semblance and Winter who was taught to keep her emotions shut her whole life, they lost their first and only friend (not counting former team members) tragically

Both also carry something that reminds them of their friends. Qrow has Clovers Pin and Winter holds the Maiden Powers

Their friends "died" in their arms/saw them before they faded

They both left (abusive) family members behind (Qrow - Raven / Winter - Parents)

They were both pretty skilled for their age (Qrow who got into the academy without going to a school beforehand and Winter's high rank for her mid-20's age)

Qrow and Winter were lied to/betrayed/dissapointed by their guardians. Ozpin hiding everything from everyone and then leaving, Ironwood giving into his paranoia and becoming controlling and threatening towards Winter (shooting people in front of her, pressuring her into staying with him, shutting her off and not listening to her, leaving his morals behind that she admired him for aka attempting to blow up Mantle, basically V8)

Manipulated and groomed into getting power to carry out dangerous jobs for them (Qrow getting turned into a bird, Winter getting the Maiden Powers)

Seeing their former home fall (Fall of Atlas and Beacon Academy)

Breaking down upon realization of what was done to them

(Qrow getting deeper into his alcoholism, Winter having an emotional breakdown and yes I don't think that Weiss was the only trigger for her to cry out. Her father figure got pushed into destructive paranoia who attempted to kill her , her best and only friend got murdered and her sister pushed into the void by the same person who again is responsible for everything that happened to her by influencing her most important guardian - and all of that within a few moments "You are going to pay - for everything that you've done" )

losing their younger family members

blaming themselves for what happens to their surroundings (Qrow with his bad luck and Winter not being able to save Weiss/anyone in the void)

Almost died (while protecting people they care about)

They have a pretty low self image and don't see themselves as deserving of anything. Winter told Penny that she doesn't deserve the powers and was just a machine. Qrow often deflects compliments and Clover even called him out on that.

If I missed any, feel free to add! So what do I think about this? Well at first there is more to them that was established but not continued. It was shown in V3 that they knew each other personally (on a 1st name basis) and had some kind of history but it didn't get addressed again after that.

Them barely interacting in V7 made me question if their build up was forgotten but on the other hand I think a lot of character interactions got the short end in V7 especially with the story. But what V7 and V8 gave us was more insight on Winter and with the fall of Ironwood and Atlas, these parallels became even clearer.

Now with Weiss and Ruby gone, I think there is the chance for the character's, especially Winter who also lost Penny and Ironwood, to step out of their character box. Winter was shown to be more than just an older sister and soldier. Now with her destiny in her hand but, at a painful cost, where does that lead her?

I think everyone knows already that V9 is going to be a detour and I don't think that it's going to be a split up like V4 but I think it could be similar to V8. It could be that Winter takes over the caretaker role like Qrow did in V4-V6. I hope it doesn't take long for him, Robyn and the Ace Ops to arrive. They still don't know what happened and I think they should work together with the Happy Huntresses in Vacuo and could perfectly function as minor characters and somewhat ending their (Happy Huntresses and Ace Ops) arc for now.

Overall I hope that we get to see Qrow and Winter grieve. They deserve it and Winter who's never been this emotional within one episode deserves to not hide it anymore. She'll have to struggle with her family and I just want her to have somebody to talk to who can relate. And after seeing all these parallels I think Qrow would be perfect for that matter and that build up from V3 would go somewhere.

Thank you for reading 💞 what do you think?💞

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 4 years ago

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angella trying to be intimidating and terrifying to adora in ep 4 but accidentally blowing adora’s whole world right open by throwing a wrecking ball into the years of traumatizing power dynamics that shadow weaver had ingrained in her by telling adora she can earn a place here NOT by obeying angella NOT by appeasing her or staying on her good side, but by NOT DISSAPOINTING GLIMMER, THE FRIEND ADORA SO VERY MUCH WANTS TO PROTECT AND HELP

and then angella backs up that idea the very next morning by Actually Listening When Adora Stands Up For Glimmer?

Adora Standing Up TO ANGELLA right after oops sitting in her dead husband’s chair, telling angella hey maybe glimmer’s idea is actually not a bad one maybe you shouldn’t shut her down 100% like that

and angella’s like. Well. Sigh. I DID warn you not to disappoint glimmer, which is a sore thing to remember when I am currently the reason glimmer is looking so disappointed. So. As long as you can keep her safe-

like holy sh*t this never happened in the fright zone

adora’s terrified attempts to speak to shadow weaver for catra were just used by shadow weaver to threaten catra more, destroy catra’s sense of agency by telling adora to control her better

(like she was adora’s PET a thing adora gets to keep around as long as she’s GOOD)

or scaring the f*%# out of both of them with a reminder of how disposable she feels catra is

literally the only way adora ever felt she had to keep catra kinda safe (and not get separated, or risk being put in the same terrible boat as her) was by keeping shadow weaver in a good mood and distracted. actually openly fighting for her best friend wasn’t allowed. at all

and that f@#kery made it so catra couldn’t even accept the few times adora was openly worried for her (childhood sparing match flashback) because she HAS to fight for herself, ruthlessly, constantly, and especially in public when other people were watching, even when it meant fighting against her only friend. catra has to. no one else will

worse, her own friend says even she shouldn’t fight for herself, scared that only makes it worse for her

(it doesn’t bc shadow weaver would do it anyway)

shadow weaver made every bad thing that was done to them their own fault and then wouldn't even let them lean on each other, oh no, she has to poison that too, adora can't be the friend she wants to be without hurting catra and catra can't rely on the only friend she has. her one friendship in the entire horde, and she's adora's responsibility, not her own person, because shadow weaver says so

what shadow weaver says happens is their entire life for so long. adora wants to be with her friend. will break rules to make catra happy and show her she cares. but no matter how good she tries to be, in the end it didn't matter, shadow weaver was going to isolate her too- make her force captain and take her away from all her friends. catra included.

and saying no to that? that would have disappointed shadow weaver. made her angry. been turned and twisted around, probably, to be catra's fault somehow, for 'dragging adora down' or 'holding her back'

so again, the only way to even try protecting her friend... was to not

adora comes from all this mess

then suddenly, the new person in power is telling adora to fight for her new friend? not only that she can, but she SHOULD?

angella doesn’t get mad at adora for doing it?? it actually WORKS????

shadow weaver pretended to care about adora and used that to control her, make her scared of openly siding with catra

angella told her flat out she doesn’t like or trust her, and challenged adora to be the person she claimed to be, by being there for glimmer.

and then angella Kept To Her Word

can you imagine. the revelation. the relief

the terror of adora standing up that first time, not sure how this would go, remembering all the other times she'd tried something like this and how it always went bad-

and then the confidence she has by the s1 end, straight out folding her arms and GLARING at angella when it looks like the immortal queen MIGHT be disapproving of glimmer’s secret weapon’s stash?

glimmer and bow are cringing in that moment, bracing themselves or trying to smooth things over

but in the background, adora’s look is just pure defiance

like yeah glimmer has a heck ton of weapons hidden away in her room. they're for fighting the horde. fighting the horde makes her happy. who the heck is angella, glimmer’s mom and queen of brightmoon, to dare make glimmer feel nervous about something that makes her happy???

if angella had tried fighting glimmer about it then, adora would have thrown hands. you cannot convince me otherwise

and honestly, considering the childhood adora came from, that’s heartwarming af

she trusts angella

not to always do the right thing or support her daughter the way adora feels glimmer deserves, but to care for glimmer, to want her to be happy, to want to be sure that SOMEONE always stands up for her daughter, even if it means going against angella herself

adora learns she can expect angella to be a decent person, basically, and that angella will hold herself to the same standards she puts on others

she tells adora not to disappoint glimmer. when adora pushes back, in ep4, points out sideways that angella’s the one doing it now, angella accepts that. she gives in. she changes her decision

glimmer wants to go recruiting princesses and fighting the horde? No.

adora offers to keep glimmer safe on the mission, reminding angella that that’s why she’s here, that’s why glimmer brought her to the rebellion, that’s what angella decided to trust her daughter on- THAT’S what glimmer is asking from her mom. a little trust? that’s what’s the disappointment here, glimmer being pushed aside again, right after it seemed like angella was finally starting to even slightly respect her as a leader

and…. fine. FINE, they can go

as long as they're careful and glimmer doesn't find a way to fight the horde anyway (sure jan), then glimmer can have her mission

angella doesn’t want to be a disappointment to glimmer either

after the whole thing with Micah, she already feels like one

she’s just scared. no way she’d survive losing glimmer too. but she said she’d give adora a chance for glimmer’s sake, and that means trusting adora with glimmer’s safety, trusting glimmer’s trust in this ex-horde soldier, which is the same as trusting glimmer with the fate ofthe ENTIRE rebellion

and angella does

she's scared-

(if adora had been a spy and taken glimmer hostage, we know exactly how fast angella would have surrendered, even just on the faintest hope of saving her daughter. even at the cost of the war against the horde)

(if glimmer had died on a mission that angella authorized, if she lost her the same way she’d already lost micah…)

-she’s scared and she’s been coping with her fear and loss by being cautious

(sending glimmer to elberon where no horde was supposed to attack)

(ordering a retreat the moment the horde attacked there anyway)

but she chooses to take this risk anyway

she loves her daughter very, VERY, very much. enough to start letting glimmer be her own person even if that means watching her chose to put herself in danger. enough to begin changing herself, for glimmer's sake

(end of s1 glimmer has no magic and is GLITCHING and when she decides to go after adora anyway, angella doesn't try stopping her. she encourages her. right after getting her back from the horde, almost losing her, she lets glimmer go)

(episode 1 angella would not have done that)

it’s not easy or instantaneous (still grounds glimmer when she gets too close to nearly dying)

but angella made that choice and tries to stick to it

that's something shadow weaver never did

and it's why adora can trust angella, be confident enough in that to stand up to her on glimmer’s behalf. angella was intimidating and distrustful and outright hostile at first, BUT, she was also fair

she respects her daughter, as a person, even if she isn't always good at showing it. even if her fear for glimmer made her overprotective and dismissive

She didn't ask Adora to help control Glimmer. She told Adora to prove Glimmer right

And she held to that. Even when it went against her own plans, she didn't punish Adora for going against her. She didn't blame Glimmer for 'failing to control' the horde solider who's supposed to be her responsibility

She just... didn't use her power to hurt them, when she had the chance to

The first authority figure in Adora's life to clear that low bar. And Angella did it, without even trying

Because she loves her daughter

I....flarblegarble…. I. Love. Season. One

#spop #adora #queen angella #glimmer #shadow weaver #.#they make me FEEL #things

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hello-nichya-here · 4 years ago

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The character assassination of Lily Aldrin

The more i look back, the more i realize the writers of How I Met Your Mother had this bizarre habit of writting themselves into corners and refusing to find the simple way out. Right at the end of season one, Lily’s character and arc get absolutely destroyed and are never fixed.

The whole “Lily has to see if she could really make it as a painter so she can’t marry Marshall” was downright ridiculous. I know the writers wanted drama, and they tried (and failed) to make us feel bad for both Lily and Marshall, but they fucked it up completely.

Why were they acting like Lily had to choose between a husband and a career at all? Why were they acting like being married meant she could no longer pursue her interests? It was 2005, not the 1920s.

And why, oh dear God, why were they acting like she could only truly become a painter by going to San Francisco? She lived in New York, for Christ’s sake, not on some tiny village on the mountains. Did the writers expect us to believe she couldn’t take a classes in Manhattan? Hell, did they expect us to believe you can only make it as an artist if you take a course?

It’s not like Marshall was some terrible boyfriend who just expected her to fit whatever idealized version of her he made up on his mind and got dissapointed whenever she showed she was a real person with her own interests and opinions (that would be Ted). The closest he got to it was when they visited his family and they tried to pressure her into being exactly like them, and Marshall snapped out of it the second the possibility of it actually happening became more real.

The only reason Marshall freaked out was because Lily wasn’t honest with him. She took the test to enter that course behind his back, lied about not seriously wanting to take it, and tried to shift blame by acting like Marshall was forbbiding her from going, when in reality he was just afraid of losing her. For God’s sake, he was going through something simmilar at that time. He had to choose between his low-paying dream job, or working with Barney and making a ton of money. He would probably think it was awesome that Lily wanted to be true to herself and give her painting career a shot.

Considering how healthy and loving their relationship had been up to that point, i can only see that storyline going one way:

Lily hears about this amazing art course in San Francisco, and tells Marshall she wants to do it eventually. They talk it out and decide she’ll do it in a year or two, once they’re already married and Marshall had already decided which job he’ll take. That way they’ll be finantially secure, their marriage will be stable, and Lily will be free to see if she wants her painting to be just a hobby or her actual career. A few years later, once they’re both ready for it, they have a kid (or more).

But that wouldn’t give season one a dramatic ending, right? They needed a break up, and for that to happen one of them would have to be the bad guy. Either Marshall would suddenly turn into an asshole who wants to trap his future wife into the life he wanted her to have, or Lily would selfishly break his heart and leave him for no damn reason.

The writers chose Lily, and they continued to throw her under the bus until the very end, making her act more and more selfish, and feel more and more trapped by the life she chose - not knowing what career she wanted and regreting becoming a mother - only to then act like having two more kids with Marshall was her happy ending, when they made it clear she was unhappy. The writers wanted more cheap, unnecessary drama to fill time on their dying show, and robbed Lily of her likeability, character arc and happy ending.

#himym #marshall eriksen #marshall and lily #lily aldrin

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pinkvhs · 5 years ago

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I’ve been debating doing this for some time now because for months I have been making posts out of tags because, like I said EVERYTIME, Sean doesn’t have to know everything we think. He doesn’t have to get wrapped up in everything. But since people to this day still take posts that I say (and others) and focus on things and completely miss the point and/or take it out of context to then post in the tags so spread false positivity and information, might as well do it then myself!

Truly, honestly, I am exhausted with this community. It’s been the most long dreadful thing year and as a result this year feels like 12 years.

People trying to constantly silence others who are going through actual hard times or voicing their opinions on things (ON THEIR OWN BLOG. MOSTLY OUT OF TAGS). Coming into inboxes to be like “that’s not PMA of you” , “ Seán would be dissapointed in you”, or telling people to “just leave” is disgusting.

How many times must we go through what PMA means? Sean has said over and over it’s not just a “always be happy” thing. That’s not realistic! People have used that (myself included) in the past to actually help themselves in ways as a small reminder. That just because today is bad, doesn’t mean tomorrow will be or that it will always be bad. To better yourself and take care of your mental health, even if you slip up at times. People have taken PMA and twisted it into forced fake positivity that “you must always be happy” and use it AGAINST people. How can people claim to be “‘more pma” and in the same breath say “Sean would be dissapointed in you”?!

Speaking of, don’t claim that Seán would be dissapointed in others just because they said something personal on their own blogs. People have the right to complain about things or have annoyances about things on their own blogs. Someone is annoyed with something irl ?- let them be annoyed. Someone is annoyed that their art doesn’t get reblogs but instead gets thousands of likes? - Let them be annoyed!!

Speaking of art with likes vs reblogs, people truly need to support creators that you like. People in this community who make edits/gifs & art constantly feel discouraged because their art doesn’t get nearly the amount of recognition as the jokes/memes that they make. People can spend hours, days, weeks, Hell even MONTHS on creative projects but when it’s done it gets like hundreds or thousands of likes but only like 38 reblogs (to name a number). But when those same people make a meme or joke post it can get hundreds of reblogs. It stings as an artists and creator. It has been making well known artists in this community lose motivation completely and not even want to creat anymore. But people see it as “shitting on people who make memes” it’s not. People can make memes, most of us don’t care about that, what we do care about is people only liking art (that they clearly enjoy since they liked it or even commented on) but refusing to reblog it. We aren’t saying to reblog or like things you DONT enjoy but if you clearly like it why not support a creator and reblog it? It’s not to boost ego like “oh I’m soooo great!!” its to help creators see that you do enjoy our hard work and that makes us want to push ourselves healthily more to create better things! Hell, there are so many young artists in this community that need support! Give them that! Spread work around, tags nice things, encourage them! Likes don’t encourage artists and if for sure doesn’t help if all you do is reply.

You can enjoy memes or whatever like I said, but when the tags are just constant jokes and hardly any art it’s no wonder why. Because being funny seems to get more attention then putting in hours up days of work. The same memes over and over, jokes going so long that they run dry by day 2, it’s evident where people’s support is. And that’s what’s making most artists leave, they feel discouraged.

But of course I don’t expect Seán do change everything! No one does! He is one person and a busy one at that! I don’t blame him for getting anxious whenever he comes online at all! I know he most likely wants us to be happy and content but sadly he can’t do that for every single one of us. I know he cares, I truly do. I’ve been watching him for years. But as of late it seems to be “joke funny first and only jokes”. It feels disconnecting and commercialized. But during the beginning of the year it didn’t nearly feel like that for me personally. It’s as if communication and connection are gone, which is sad because I don’t want it to seem that way. But it’s not Seán that seems that way too but also the community. It for sure isn’t me growing out of him or let’s plays either because I have 0 issue watching other lets players I enjoy and I also enjoyed him collabing with friends since there was so much genuine fun energy! It just seems like if Seán can’t be funny that he won’t be liked, which isn’t true. I hope he doesn’t feel that way but it sometimes reads as that. I want him to be happy but when he says things that contradict himself I get a bit worried.

People who complain, are upset, irritated, hell maybe even angry at things should be allowed to be. Let people be upset out of tags. Stop dragging everything everyone says into tags to make it “discourse” because it’s not. Most of us just want to scream into the void and pop off, but people dragging it on is what causes the exhaustion. The community desperately needs communication. Talking to each other. Not being “I’m right!!! You be happy and shut up!! Sean look at me!!” Or treat Seán like he is our dad an run to him each and every single time you have a problem. He isn’t some godly figure that can save you he isn’t your dad stop treating him like that to get your tiny bit of instant gratification.

Also, before anyone says, know I’m not attacking or wanting to purposely hurt anyone in perticular. Kids/teens who might see this know I’m not trying to go after you please don’t take this to heart if you disagree. Adults who are reading this I beg for you to please behave as such. Not to say “don’t have fun” because I’m 22 over here having a blast over dumb things unrelated to this post/situation, but to try to read and understand what is being said on why communication is needed.

Tags have been so dead and people are leaving for many reasons and it’s disheartening but I don’t blame them at all.

I was never going to make a tagged post but like I said in the beginning, fuck it at this point! Because I’m tired of people twisting words and taking things out of context to put it into tags. I’m tired of others trying to silence people who have justified complaints who never posted in tags to begin with. I’m tired of forced fake positivity. People using PMA against others.

I am tired

#.txt #jacksepticeye

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devintrinidad · 4 years ago

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I haven't watched it Akadama Drive the way through. But I have seen a lot of it. It's almost too gorey for me. But the visuals are a real treat and it definitely has the cyberpunk cool factor down. Swindler was a great main character! (I never shipped her with Cutthroat. I knew the psychopath was that. A psychopath and I bet he was going to turn on them at anytime. And he did! Never be distracted by the childish antics pretty boy serial killers!).

I'm interested in the future of AD. I heard the last episode was getting a special Directors cut including a alternative ending. I also heard the AD creators were happy to hear AD is doing well in the west so fans are wondering if that means their hoping to make a S2? I don't keep up with AD news so I'm not sure if that's their intention or not. But I did hear a fan theory that S2 could be about the bad guys using technology to bring at least of the main characters back to life (considering Swindler had a religious themed death and both her and Courier's bodies could easily be recovered. Plus revival through tech is such a Cyberpunk staple) because Brother and Sister are still targets and they were would where to look for them.

So maybe AD still has a bright future ahead with more content to explore the world (I honestly think Hacker could easily be a main character in any sequal).

Onto the CAW/AD verse.

I could totally see 3803 being this epic biker chick.... Who gets lost easily. But because she does all these crazy stunts, her enemies (who don't know her yet) think she's planning everything to confuse them. X D

I could see 1146's akudama name being Bodyguard. Because when he's not acting like one for 3803 and Platelet. He's taking up bodyguard jobs for anyone who needs them. For the right price and reason. If you're a scumbag who hurts innocent people, he'll kill you on the spot. But be nice enough to return the moneyto your corpse. Unless 3803 or Platelet needs something, then he'll strip you of all your dough and leave you penniless. He has a very ruthless rep. But he's so good at what he does, his help is in high demand. Ecspecially for someone who needs a bodyguard they can trust (and they know they aren't or won't act like scum around him to earn his wrath). He's fine with helping criminals. Just not ones who do a lot of harm to innocents or are involved in nasty business like trafficking or something.

Story wise things change up.

The way I see things here is that Cancer is the one secretly in charge and why things are so wrong. He's this absolute monster of a human being who gained immortality hundreds of years ago. He went nuts and caused wars and blew up the moon. He wants all the power and has created societies in his own twisted corrupted image (basically his dream in canon coming true here). But he's noticed after awhile things always go bad under his leadership and nearly everything dies. Instead of starting over again and again. He's decides to find a way to force everyone to become immortal like him so that even if they're killed. They'll have no choice but to come back to life like he does. If he has to suffer this, then so does everyone else.

That's where 3803 and Platelet come in. For decades, Cancer has been collecting and experimenting on people in secret in order to figure out how to gift them with his immortality. 3803 and Platelet are surviving lab rats who managed to escape during a explosion happening in the building. 3803 is the closest he's come to achieving his goal. 3803 would later tell 1146 she has no idea how immortal she is and it scares her to death that she might be unable to die like Cancer. All she knows is that she can take a lot of damage and recover in time. She's been able to age a little. But she hopes she's not being paranoid about looking younger and smaller for her age (Macrophage, another Akudama who knows her secret, tells her it's common for girls like her to look younger then they are and that she has gotten bigger since they first met. But 3803 is still a little concerned). 3803 also has no idea about Platelets status in all this since she's never been badly hurt and she's aged normally. But she's also never gotten sick a day in her life and she was put in the same cell as her. The scientists saying all she needed was a little tweaking and they'd both be closer to becoming their goal.

Ohhh, I didn't even think about 4989 and the others being 1146's enemies. I assumed they'd follow his lead eventually. Say they're dissapointed in him. Because yeah things are corrupt. But that's no reason to become a criminal and abandon their dreams of making the city a better place. They weren't there when he turned traitor so all they've been told is he got beguiled by some witch (3803 gets a very exaggerated and unpleasent rep along the Executioners for turning their top soldier against them. 1146 was already having serious doubts on his own but the organization puts the blame on her regardless). Eventually they get told by a superior officer if they can capture both 1146 and 3803 alive, they'll take 1146 back instead of executing or throwing him in jail. They'll strip him of his Akudama name and only punish him by putting a bomb collar on him until he redeems himself to them. It's not ideal. But for their friend they'll take it. They do eventually find and fight 1146 and even manage to knock him out and tie him up. They're prepared to fight 3803... Until they meet her face to face. From the rumours, they were expecting this buff scary woman who could rip their faces off. Instead they meet this determined but petite girl who looks like she'd hurt herself trying punch them. Even worse she's holding this little scared crying girl calling her big sis in her arms. They're the picture of defenselessness and it's suddenly making them not comfortable with this. This goes two ways: either they decide to cool down for a sec and let 3803 and 1146 explain themselves and then make the choice to leave and become akudamass too. Or, they harden themselves and take her anyway. 3803 promises to come quietly if they let her little sister go (they don't suspect Platelet is the Akadama Bomber). 3803 is hoping if she goes alone, She can at least convince Cancer Platelet died years ago and was a failed test subject. They agree and 3803 has to push Platelet away and yell at her to go (she knows she'll go to Macrophage so she'll be fine) because Platelet knows what's happening and is desperate enough to almost throws a small bomb at them (but 1146 would get caught up in the blast and 3803 glares at her to obey so she doesn't). The WBC squad does feel bad since they're not used to dealing with vulnerable women and children who can't fight back.

When 1146 wakes up in a room with his superior officer telling him he's back and not getting a bomb collar. He's getting brain surgery and it's a surprise what that's going to be. Needless to say, 1146 is pissed beyond words. He's going to be forced to be their top dog somehow again. Platelet is alone and scared. 3803 is going to be carted off to Cancer so Cancer can make things even worse. Needless to say he manages to make his case to his friends who see definitely now know being a Akadama is better then this. Half of them go to rescue 1146 before he gets brain surgery and the others go get 3803 before Cancer can.

That's my idea of it anyway. Cause the WBC squad would actually be really good akadamas.

Now when it comes to 1146 fighting allies a lot. My initial idea was before he left, 1146 was the best of the best alongside NK and Killer T. They were the power trio that stood above the rest with a 100% success rate in missions once all three worked together. But unlike the WBS squad. They stick to their Executioner roles. I see this because in CAW canon, despite being softies inside, both Killer T and NK have this 'don't get chummy with civilians' mentality. Killer T ecspecially getting on 1146 for wanting to interact and go soft with them. In AD verse, NK and Killer T ultimately believe the Executioners are a nessecary evil at worst because the world needs them to be (Idk, you can keep the germs and make them monsters that Executioners have to fight to keep the city save too. Of course all of them are secretly made by Cancer to convince the most 'noble' of Executioners to keep the corrupted status quo). When 1146 left, they took it personally. Particularly Killer T. NK keeps things more professional, but both want Roto resolve things with 1146 and see it as their duty to take him down. They don't believe 1146 about the whole conspiracy of a immortal Cancer ruling the world and doing all this other unbelievable stuff. Even when they see 3803 surviving a lot of damage, they chalk it up to her having access to some high tech she stole. Either way I'm conflicted on them being tragic villains who refuse to stop fighting 1146 and capture 3803 under orders or villains who get redeemed at the end.

But Akadama Killer T. Tell me more? What's he like?

Other stuff-

Macrophage is called Hacker. Both because she can hack her targets into pieces with her axe and because she's a famous computer hacker. She found 3803 and Platelet years ago after they had escaped from the underground lab. She was reasearching for fun what the base was and discovered its use for making immortality. She took the two girls in to raise as if they were her own and trained them how to survive as Akadama (more so 3803 since she's older). When Macrophage isn't a assassin for hire, she's using her hacking abilities as mission control for 3803 when she's on the job. She helps her not get too lost and handles money transactions. They see her as the mom they never had despite that she's really only around 14 years older then them.

Platelet loves blowing things up. She likes building things too. But bombing things helps her little family out more. She'll often plant tiny bombs all over the city and has Macrophage use her computer to keep track of them so she can detonate them when she sees a use to (like blowing up anyone chasing 383 while she's on her motorcycle). She adores 1146 and loves having him be part of her family. Partly because he's so strong and protective she doesn't have to worry as much about 3803 as much with him around. It's unknown just how much the experiments affected her too. All that's known is she's never been sick and barely needs any sleep to operate and always has nothing but energy to spare. She gets scared easily when 3803 might get taken away because her big sis has always been there for her and she's terrified of Cancer destroying her life and family again. If she lost 3803 she doesn't think she'd known how to live ob without her.

Cancer refers to all his experiments as his children. He calls 3803 and Platelet his daughters in particular and plans on having them back and fully like him so they can be his perfect family. He's actually known them since they were babies since, before they escaped, they've spent most, if not, all their lives in his care at the lab.

In this verse, 1146 is a much more aggressive pursurer of 3803's affections. He's still shy about making moves and acts stoic. But it's apparent he's interested in her early on and after awhile he makes no secret he wants to marry her. It always surprises her when he talks about wanting to marry her because he's too shy to flirt with her or even ask her on a date. He's both unable to make the first move, yet is very blunt about his desired intentions. She on the other hand is more hesitant. With her unknown immortality status, she's afraid she can't grow old with him and would deny him a normal wife. He simply says he wants her and no one else will ever do.

3803 feels bad about him becoming a criminal. He's fighting his friends and comrades and has a huge life sentence on him all because he protected he. He tells her even if he has never met her. He knows sooner or later he would have left on his own and been branded a Akadama. Meeting her just have him another reason to believe in protecting others. Plus she does let him live with her and her for free. She still tries to pay him for his services when he protects her on the job. Initially he takes the money. But after too long she finds out all he does with the money is buy her things she was planning on getting later anyway. He basically was doing her errands for her. She gave up after that.

1146 is very protective of 3803's secret and has killed people over it to protect her. Those people being top high level Executioners who are in on Cancer's existence and his plans. 1146 knows the moment Cancer can get 3803 and confirm her ID. There's going to be a lot of trouble. He's made it a goal to either turn those people to his side or kill them all until there's no one left. When Cancer hears of this, he calls him a kind killer.

Macrophage once jokes 1146 should be called Husband instead of Bodyguard because that's what he acts like with 3803. All overprotective and lovey dovey. He hates it when other men flirt with him and scared them off.

Cancer is actually more aware of 3803 and Platelets activity then anyone thinks. It's just that he's immortal so time is a little for him. He kind of enjoys watching them hide and run and wondering how far he can push 1146 in his efforts to protect them.

That's all I got I think. Putting in Cancer kind of changes things up but I also think he strangely fits in there very well.

Any other ideas you have?

~~~

Oh my! It’s been a while since you’ve made such a long and lovely submission! First things first, yes, Swindler is best girl!!!

Heheh, I found Cutthroat/Swindler to be somewhat cute, but I had a feeling things would turn out for the worst when the team ultimately separated after Doctor’s betrayal and the fight with the Executioners. It was a pretty cool dynamic and I love how Swindler ultimately turned the tables on him.

(I’m a bit leery as to why he could see her “red halo” from so far away, but I suppose it was due to insanity/supernatural influences).

And yup! There was going to be a director’s cut. A Youtuber actually translated the tweets that directors had regarding the director’s cut and discovered that it was going to be an extra seven minutes of footage and would feature scenes that would help flesh out the last episode more.

It’s super interesting.

LINK HERE

Ooohhhh, a season 2 where we can see best girl and Courier to come back??? To be honest, I like the series where it stands. It had a message, stuck with it, but managed to punch it all in with masterful animation techniques and storytelling. One of the characters that I think would definitely come back, should probably be Hacker. He was a god of cyberspace and savvy with technology.

Someone once speculated that he’s smart: he would definitely upload a backup of himself somewhere.

(Another person thought that Hacker must have saved himself on Swindler’s phone because his drone icon was there after his final parting gift).

I think the best way to add onto the series would be to revisit their backgrounds? Then again, I checked out the available manga chapters that have been translated thus far, and it seems they might delve a little into that territory.

Maybe a one shot episode where we get to see all the Akudama go about their daily lives where they sometimes interact (unknowingly) Durarara style (another great anime you should watch if you have the time).

Hacker as main character??? Yes please???

3803 would definitely do crazy tricks, hahah. She’s simultaneously skilled and unskilled with her bike. She’s like the... Captain Jack Sparrow of the series except instead of being drunk all the time, she’s somewhat clueless and innocent.

Bodyguard is such a lovely name. Like... I can picture it and it really fits. Not only does it satisfy his canon role of protecting, it actually helps him from actually killing too many people unnecessarily. He’ll do it if he has to, but his main goal is to protect his charge, not go after any assassins and whatnot.

Ooooohhhh, I love Cancer here! You make him out to be some terrible god of destruction and chaos and I absolutely adore it. And the motive for immortality makes more sense in this au then in the canon for AD, hahah. But yes, I imagine after years of destruction and infamy, he would definitely feel lonely and bitter.

So of course, why not drag the rest of humanity down with him?

3803 and Platelet both being somewhat immortal beings? Yes??? And Macrophage being one of their true confidants? Also yes??? (WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THESE GOOD IDEAS???)

I know later on you’ll talk about Macrophage being a hacker (because of major hacking skills in tech and in killing), but what about this: she’s the Doctor from AD. Not a backstabber, but one who was somewhat affiliated with the idea of immortality. Maybe she was one of the scientists who helped raise 3803 and Platelet and after discovering that all the rest of the experiments died and only two remained, she decided enough was enough and got them out of Cancer’s hold.

Hmm... how about we combine Hacker and Doctor to create Scientist instead? She’s cold and ruthless underneath her ladylike vibes, but she truly does feel for the plight of 3893 and Platelet.

I don’t know, it would make for an interesting dynamic.

Oooohhh, I love the confrontation with WBC squad and 3803. They’re so geared and ready (4989 is definitely sweating bullets while the others reassure him). Also, you know how in AD canon that the Executions are always in pairs? Let’s have 2001 and 1145 the original pairing before he broke out. Then, 4989 with 2626 and 2048 and Eosinophil while 2001 gets stuck with Band Cell. Because, why not.

(Or, we go back to one of my most heinous friendships I ever created, 2001 and Dendritic Cell).

Can I also say that Bomber is such a bomb name for Platelet? (Pun completely intended).

And yeah, the WBC squad are definitely really uncomfortable when they undergo some cognitive dissonance here... perhaps it’s starting at this moment that they realize that Akudama aren’t that different from normal people... or the Executioners.

Bomb collars and surgery for 1146??? Ooohhhh, he must really be the top Executioner... I wonder if he’ll reunite with 2001 again as his partner or get someone new who can help control him. Because NK and Killer T are definitely partners.

On a side note you mentioned that they think that Executioners are a necessary evil. It’s like your acknowledging and somewhat hinting that they know this is wrong and that Akudamas aren’t inherently bad, but do so anyway because of a corrupt legal system. I love it. It really adds to the depth of the characters.

And yes, we need tragic villains with feelings.

As for Akudama Killer T... Maybe he went through some mental breakdown before realizing that the Executioners aren’t always right )if they were ever right in the first place). Perhaps he breaks like 1146 did, but instead of using his skills for constructive purposes, he goes all out and doesn’t care about the law anymore. He sort of becomes 1146’s foil. They’re both rear Executioners, both saw the errors of their ways, but while 1146 becomes a protector in his own way, maybe Killer T decides to become a mercenary.

I don’t know, I love parallels and showcasing how far characters have done.

(I REALLY WANTED PUPIL EXECUTIONER TO BECOME AN AKUDAMA OR AT LEAST HAVE A MOMENT TO HERSELF, BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED. AT LEAST THE DIRECTORS CUT IS SAID TO ADDRESS THAT).

Cancer as a father?

Cancer as a family man?

I... that’s a concept I never considered. Just, I can only imagine him playing with all of his experiments, knowing that one day, most of them will end up dying. He probably favors 3803 over Platelet because of how close they are in physical appearance/age and acts creepy about it.

(Is this my Abnormalities!verse writing urge acting up again, probably).

Hehehe, why but blunt 1146. That is so cute and adorable. He and 3803 constantly dance around the issue, especially due to the whole immortality thing, but he makes it clear that he doesn’t care. Though he doesn’t know it, he’s actually quite suave when he finally convinces her that it’s the time they spend together now that matters so they won’t regret in the future.

3803 swoons.

Husband??? Yes???

Macrophage as confirmed 3803/1146 shipper? Why not???

Ooohhh, Cancer is more aware than what was already expected... I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA!!!

So I know that I said earlier that Macrophage would be a combination of Hacker and Doctor, why not also make Cancer have Hacker elements? Think about it, he’s practically immortal and it was never truly confirmed how immortality works in AD canon. Maybe his immortality is due to a combination of high technology and organic stuff. Maybe, he can upload his consciousness at will so that he can “supervise” his children. It also adds credence to the whole “3803 had high tech to help her stave off heavy damage” that Killer T and NK think is what’s going on. I don’t know, I just think it would be cool to have Cancer be a god in the physical and technological world.

He would be so OP, but that’s what Cancer probably would want in CAW canon, so there, hahah.

Hmm, anything else? Let’s see, Killer T as an Akudama would definitely be more of a Brawler character... I don’t have anybody down for Hoodlum... But who do you think would be a best fit for Head Executioner? At first, I wanted Helper T, but I realized that he doesn’t get super utilized in canon, so why not make him Executioners alongside Regulatory T. Seriously, they don’t get enough screen time (especially Regulatory T).

As for the majority of Akudamas, most are definitely pathogens or germs, but I’m assuming some of them are actually Normal Cells... Normal Cells with benign mutations, but somehow get the attention of Executioners.

But yeah, this was an awesome little au. I’m down to read some action packed nonsense with these characters. You should definitely try your hand at writing this, hahah!

#cells at work #hataraku saibou #devin trinidad #devin trinidad author #devintrinidad author #caw #devintrinidad #caw anon #anon ask #submission #akudama drive #akudama

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decadentboat · 6 years ago

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That replies post again

Lets start with a qt Kirara bc almost nobody liked how she died lol.

I had to log in here in the laptop. Since it’s not mine I don’t feel comfortable... So far I’ve been posting and replying via phone which is an eternal hassle.

Again, thank you from the bottom of my boat heart for your kind messages!!(boat heart emoji bc I can post them here lol)

.....I’m sorry I didn’t realize I had missed so many of them!

@mdlouie No prob!! I think it’s totally OK to start with student grade supplies. I mean, buying artist grade right out of the bat it’s not wise in my own opinion since it doesn’t guarantee their particular propieties will be benefitial to you(Like there are watercolor brands that are super easy to re-wet and very vibrant, but they tend to be kinda lifting so layering may be difficult, other brands are the opposite) There is always a learning curve with art supplies, whatever the grade they are. To me, learning using both of material grades is not a waste of time, new adquired knowledge will never be a waste of time!

Now, what I didn’t come to agree at first but now I have to admit it was a big improvement is to use cotton watercolor paper. In special for characters with dark skin like Chouchou. I struggled so so much with having a flat wash on the skin, and I blamed the watercolors(The pigments, because earth color pigments tend to create granulation) But for example this:

The wash on her face came out really nicely! I think you can have both papers(I def have more of the student grade/not proper watercolor paper than the artist grade/cotton haha)And practice on both.IMO watercolor is a lot about water control but also a lot of learning where to place your brushstrokes. Practicing your brushstrokes in cheaper paper is good bc you don’t have that fear of ruining expensive paper with your practices. Water control is better to be practiced in the expensive one. Uhm I hope I’m making sense!

@letherebewisdom Aw! Thank you!! I defenitely don’t want to stop yet!

@kiagumo Perdón por la gran demora en responderte!! No, no! Muchas gracias a ti por dibujarlos!! Sé que dibujo mas de lo necesario y probablemente alguien piensa que eso me basta pero no...NO! Yo también quiero ver fanart, quiero ver dibujitos lindos de mis OTP!!! Que alegria que uno de tus ships favoritos sea Mitsucho, porque tu arte realmente es muy lindo!!

Por cierto no necesitas pedirme permiso para dibujar algo que te interese de mis dibujos! Si deseas puedo dibujarte un diseño de Metal y Shinki playeros jajaja. Muchas gracias, de verdad fue un dibujo muy precioso!! *bote llorón*!!

@alinakz-97 Well, your guesses could be right. I’m def curious lol!

@mdlouie Yay for them indeed!!

@miss-akimichi It’s Chouchou! I added to much red there haha. Perhaps the sameface syndrome is strong in me. But when I draw Karui I try to make her eyes sharper and her skin darker than Chouchou.

@sugarriene I think I read Choji being scared of lizzards somewhere! Maybe Chouchou is scared of snakes? I still think it was a little weird but 100% sure that’s...all in my head lol.

Now, what I meant with medic...Or perhaps should I have said doctor? Like Sakura or Tsunade being perpetual doctors... In special Sakura that has it as her daily job. I can’t see Inojin like that(Maybe a little with Mitsuki because of the team 7 karma... I’m still unsure of this. The biggest mystery of Boruto is who is going to get the frog and the slug... Since it looks like everyone is getting snakes XD) I wish the Yamanaka flower shop being a cover for the sensing division was brought up sooner in the manga because it’s damn cool(Someone correct me, or was it added after the Pain attack?) The future I see for Inojin is being that handsome guy that runs the flower shop and he is seen painting ocasionally, but it turns out he has this secret agent thing going on.

BTW anybody remembers the Nara being skilled in medicine/pharmaceutics? Why are they never the medics of their teams? In the prev gen it was understandable since Ino’s ability was more in the support side, but the current gen, they are very able to haddle by themselves(Considering both Shikadai and Inojin inherited other techniques like wind release and the beast scroll)

Welp, I didn’t want to write this tldr haha. I may be wrong with this reasoning, I just hope I’m not straying out too much of the facts.

@hotmonkeelove Let’s hope they show more Anko interacting with the kids. I keep thinking there must be a reason why Chouchou and Anko were afiliated aside from “lol chubbies“ I want SP to deliver but they have dissapointed me so many times...

@ascrolluponthemoon I think it would be cool! And honestly I think snakes match their personalities better. Katsuyu for Mitsuki? Their colors match and they are both very polite but it feels wrong xD? Same with Sarada and HOT BLOODED ACTION Gamabunta(Or is it going to be Gamakichi?) Dunno, feels weird, but it is one of the things I’m looking forward to see.

@nite-baron Thank you so much for your hard work!! I’m looking forward to it.

@miss-akimichi Yes!! Defenitely. But you have to babysit the sites and its annoying. If I find cute Mitsuki and Chouchou merchandise, I will let you guys know. Just in case it might interest you alll and you want to get it before it’s sold out lol.

@miss-akimichi No prob! Thanks to you for posting such cute headcanon! I...uh.. I was drawing a comic but I’m unsure of posting it. They came to be a little touchy with each other since they are married adults and stuff(Defenitely it’s not nsfw! But I can see some people be bothered with it haha) Perhaps I will post it under a read more... or simply ask you guys if you want me to post it.

@mdlouie Thank you!! You are very kind! We are def better! At the very least we recovered our voices XD Since it’s a virus, you have to wait for it to pass. But yes, we are better now.

@flyflywingedbear -_- Yeah me too! Its painfully obvious the Mitsuki arc is just an extender for the anime not to catch the manga. Who is popular? Mitsuki? Well, let’s drag the story with this LONG arc that promises to focus on his background but it turns out we will not touch it haha. The max offender was both the OP and the ED XD We got a bunch of cute inoshikacho moments and development tho, I can forgive those parts. But for a “Mitsuki arc” it lacked of the Mitsuki POV. How many episodes had to pass for him to say he felt like he was not reaching his friends? I felt cheated and offended. As expected of a series named Boruto, son of Naruto.

Thank you so much for the cutest messages in the lastest comic! I told you this was going to be very cute XD The only reason why I felt to doing more than the Valentine one(Which is more romantic, also they are a tad older, like 13 to 14)

#replies

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anonymouskar · 6 years ago

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Existential pain, the journey to proper living, art and love

The last post I made on here sucked. And for a long time I’ve had no desire to write anything with more insight or honesty at all. I often want to write on here after I’ve had my fits of desperate crying. This is just a ramble of thougths I’m having these last few days. I can’t structure them properly.

Long ass, depressing text (be careful exposing yourself to such negativity, haha):

I think I have been depressed for months. I always intuitively understood depression as a reaction to life circumstances that denied your true self. I’m not at all convinced it is a medical condition. It comes when you have no proof of the parts of you that redeem the pain of being you. It comes when life doesn’t validate your worth. And I think that is mostly due to a lack of social belonging, especially in our digital, individualistic time. No tribe.

To me, we seem to be split in two. One part of us that holds the eternal, spiritual, connected and secure us, and one that holds the conscious, animal, isolated ego us. I don’t think either of these are more “true”. I don’t subscribe to any philosophy that puts one over the other. I had a tragedy happen to me, and it blocked me from living in the animal ego world. To overcome it I had to sacrifice, and I had to face everything I was most afraid of. I did it to be able to live in the natural world. I know that is why I did it. I did it because that was the only way I could manifest in that world. I didn’t do it because I thought it would make me happy, really. I did it just to make myself possible.

We all have loads to carry. And we all know with outselves that we are deeply flawed. I know about myself that I’m scared, perverted, spiteful, jealous, limited, ugly, stinking. We all know this about ourselves. It makes it hard to love ourselves. I’m not sure loving yourself is even possible. I’ve tried so much self-help in attempts to reach that, I’ve tried strengthening my ego, I’ve tried deconstructing it, I’ve tried to examine my unconscious, I’ve tried grounding myself in my body, I’ve tried alone, I’ve tried with others, I’ve tried to be stoic, I’ve tried reprogramming my unconscious. But I still can’t reach the conclusion: I am worthy. In fact I think I’m totally unworthy. And I also think that about almost every other person. Because when I look around, I see despair, dysfunction, fear - but in that I see what is beautiful, too. I love others because they are limited, scared, voulnerable. And I can appretiate that in myself, but I still don’t see worthyness.

It remains to me a total mystery that someone can just know they are worthy. Worthy of love, connection, recognition. It’s a mystery to me that someone can know that about themselves. I can’t comprehend ever living like that. Like I’m a man someone I like could want. Or that I’m someone anybody could want to live with. In fact, when people who have initially liked me, and invited me to them, I’ve always seemed to massively dissapoint them. Too shy to open up. Too scared to stand sexual tension. Too self-hating to be patient with. Too quiet to be entertained with. Too passive to excite. I dissapoint, disgust and bore.

I didn’t think I would find myself crying myself to sleep at this point. I’m 23, I’ve gotten my life somewhat in order. Seen from the outside I have every reason to smile now, compared to before. I’ve grown a beautiful beard, I’m built and slim. I look better than I ever have. I sometimes think I’m sexy. I dress well. I paint better than I ever have before, I’m in better shape than ever. I know more now than ever. I’ve taken responsability for my own life and earn my own living doing something I enjoy. I have enough money now to spend on things that should inspire me. But I look around at my paintings, and all I see is failed attempts. I found myself thinking exactly that. “Fucking ugly failed attempts”. It’s harder than ever for me to paint, because I know I will end up hating every single painting. There are two paintings I’ve ever made that I love, and those are exactly the ones I’m ashamed to show anyone because they are kitschy clishes. I’m a clishe.

I tried as good as I could manage, where I was at, to live, but I always end up looking back at failed attempts. And as long as I can go back and somehow attempt to correct them, I still have hope, but it rarely helps. As long as there is progress, right? But if the progress never gets you there anyways? When has progress ever gotten us anywhere good? “I’m making progress”, well, isn’t that just an empty hope? Isn’t hope just a reason to prolong suffering?

Hope has been such a defining word in my life. It’s has been the reason I bothered to go on. I’ve never seriously contemplated taking my own life, but I’ve had fantasies of dying. On a plane for example, I’d imagine being relieved if it crashed. Don’t think I could ever sit in a moment with myself and decide to die, but maybe accepting it with a sigh of relief if death came to me.

The way I can most accurately describe how it feels to live right now, is swimming in the ocean. I’m just keeping my head over water, if I constantly swim. And it’s not that I see anywhere to swim to, I’m merely motivated by my absolute fear of sinking into despair underneath me. The ocean is made up of resignation from life. It’s where I came from. I swam up so that I could give myself a chance to experience life. And around me, I see others doing the same, but they all seem to have something to hold onto. A piece of wood, a direction, another person, an island even. Something to give them some relief.

I was told you could choose in life. You could choose to pursue what made you happy. Isn’t that the great narrative of this era. “Become the best version of yourself, be true to yourself and become happy at last”. Well, for one it seems to me that we have almost no control over our own choices. I’m sceptical to free will. Because how can I choose my desires? How can I choose my temperament? How can I choose my choices? What leads me to act as I do seems to me to be totally beyond me. Those are forces that are ancient, mysterious and so much stronger than me. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to reprogram myself. I’ve tried that by constructing a life that would demonstrate to me who I could be. I’ve tried to narrate my own story. I’ve asked myself “What do you want to experience?”, and I’ve tried to pursue that.

And you could ask, why force it? Why outline expectations of a life experience? Why seek out experience? Well, what other reason would there be to come to this life, than to experience? I WANT to exerience. I deeply want to. I want to experience connection, love, sex, friendship, passion. I want to fuck a woman like a man. I want to smile and look at her tenderly. I want to be a father to a child. I want to travel somwhere with a family. I want to go on hikes. I want to paint good paintings. I want to drive a car to my house. I want to have a garden and see my wife work in it while she sings to herself. I want to walk out of the shower with her in the room. I’m willing to pay for these things with years of pain. That is another life lesson I’ve learned. You have to pay for everything that is good, with pain. But I don’t see myself getting closer to it. “Progress”. Aren’t these the things that matter in life? If I died now, I know I’d think about my moments of greatest intimate connection and intimacy. I would think of smiles, glances, touch, voulnerable words shared. So, that is what I want to experience, because I think this IS what truly matters. I think it is what almost every person alive is mostly concerned with. Connection.

What upsets me most, lately, is my constant ruminations on my failed romance. Again and again and endlessly I blame myself for it all. I think back on all the oppertunities that presented themselves to me. She forgave my foolish mistakes again and again. I did everything wrong in the book, and still she came back. I said self-defeating things, I teased her too much, I was unclear in my communication, I was weak and afraid, endlessly insecure, I talked to much, I self-pitied, I over-shared. Did everything wrong. When I looked at her, alone in a room, when the atmosphere was tender and I melted inside because she was so oddly familiar and curious and beautiful. I looked away and acted cold because I was afraid of rejection. And I ended up making her reject me because I rejected myself. And I hate myself more for doing that. I never learned to stop, I just learned to hate myself more. Now when I see her I can see how she wants away from me. She is awkward. Maybe she’s ashamed too. I can’t do anything about it. But it makes me cry every time. I think I still love her. Stupid me, I love her. I love how she is. I saw a promise in her when I first met her. I found something that felt like I could belong to. I connected. I attatched myself. I thought she could nurture me, like people who matter nurture each other. It’s no shame in that, is there? Is there shame in needing validation and nurturing? Isn’t that what we all do?

Then why did I fail? If I fail again and again, in sexual, romantic encounters, then surely it’s me, and I should understand it personally, right? It’s not constant bad luck. I take it personally because it demonstrates how I can’t be who I wanted to experience life as, no matter how hard I try. And it’s a total mystery to me how someone can just accept love. They don’t know how lucky they are. Every person who has ever had someone knew that they were worthy, loveable, no matter how dysfunctional the relationship.

I don’t know that, and life demonstrates to me that I’m not.

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ofprincessesandqueens · 7 years ago

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Why Victoria and Albert were bad parents?

TBH, none of them had any reference of how to be good parents, but here you have some things of why I think they were terrible parents.

I won’t blame Victoria for not liking babies or not liking to be pregnant. Some women simply do not have motherly love. Victoria was simply a woman basically forced to have, at least, a heir, and she, more than probably, did not have enough education to have any basic idea of how to try to avoid getting pregnant that much.

I’ll give to Albert that he wanted to be more hands-on than other royal parents. A lot of royal children were basically raised by nannies and he wanted to avoid that. But, honestly, he didn’t have an idea of how to raise them.

Albert was pretty set into presenting a model, a ideal, family to their subjects, something that was a big contrast to the Hanoverian scandals and drama that the brits were used to. You can see that there is a lot of portraits of Victoria and Albert with their kids, looking perfect. The ideal family. This was a way of communicating, propaganda. They were telling their people to follow their example, presenting themselves kinda like a moral compass, the ideal they should follow. Victoria would write: “They say no Sovereign was ever more loved than I, and this is because of our happy domestic home and the good example it presents”. Basically, they used their kids and family as a PR tool.

Like the way they presented their family, Albert expected of his kids nothing less than excellence. He had an idea of the education they would need to become the model princes and princesses he had in mind without taking into account that not all the kids have the same intellect or that they answer in different ways to the same things. For example, Vicky was intellectually gifted; Bertie, not so much and their parents (almost cruelly) chastised him for it.

They were pretty big on discipline and did not shy away from physical punishments. Albert wanted to train them into obedience and Victoria would not complain. There is a story about one time she beat Leopold so badly (he had haemophilia, keep in mind) that the Duchess of Kent had to ask her to stop.

Victoria basically seemed obsessed with the idea of the boys being exactly like their father. She wanted Bertie to “resemble his angelic dearest Father in every, every respect, both in body and mind”. The only one who seemed to fit that idea was Arthur.

We know she idolized Albert, and she told tell the same to the children. But at the same time, she seemed to hate the attention he dedicated to them (she wrote to Vicky once that she wanted it to be just her and Albert). Victoria, as we know, was self-centered and was not big on empathy.

In their own way, the children ended up rebelling against this control, this idea of perfection they had to fulfil.

Bertie was kind of a dissapointment for their parents. He did not do good at his lessons and as he grew, he didn’t exactly turned out into the mini-Albert Victoria expected (and let’s be honest, Albert would have loved that too). Also Victoria blamed Bertie for Albert’s death and couldn’t stand to look at him for years. Not exactly the emotional damage a person needs.

Albert, tho, criticized Victoria for the way she treated their children: “The trouble lies in the mistaken notion the function of a mother is to be always correcting, scolding and ordering them about'’. Because while Albert was controlling, he also liked to play with the children.

Basically, they had his plan (well, Albert had) and, then, they seemed surprised to discover that children are their own persons with their own personalities. Children are not projects. They were awfully controlling, wanting them to become the ideal persons they had in mind instead of you know, realizing that they had their own human nature.

Things kinda changed after Albert died. Victoria became more and more controlling of her children and she relied a lot emotionally on her youngest, Beatrice, to the point, that in some degree, I think Victoria used her as a replacement of Albert.

IDK, if I’m explained myself well. It’s not only the physical beatings that matter, but the psycological preassure they put on their children without realizing how much damage they were doing. I think Victoria was worse with the kids, but Albert wasn’t faultless either.

#Anonymous #Anon #ask

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b-earbear · 7 years ago

Text

A Testimony

I lived a lucky happy life. I have no sad background story, I was never abused physically, no close relative died, I wasnt bullied. I had no reason yo actually feel the way I did.

But i still felt like crap.

My selfesteem was basically nonexsistant, and its not much better now.

The first time I started was when I was twelve in the seventh grade. I got into some deep fanfiction, and alot of it romanticized self harm and depression, whether they meant it be be that way or not, thats now I saw it. I also started hanging out with some depressed people. I started to self harm with a mechnical pencil. I would scratch myself till my inner arm was one big scab. Then I moved to stabbing myself with tacs, thats when I really got into it and started to use an actual razor. It was fast and smooth and you didn't feel it till you got to a certain point.

The thing was, I didn't want to die at that point. I'm honestly not sure why I did it bacl then, but I realized a few years later, while looking at the scars on my theighs, arms, shoulders and stomach that I did it for attention. I was the hypacrite who would dis people to self harming for attention. Of course mine was diffrent.

When I cut I wouldn't tell anyone and I would hide the cuts. But I wouldnt hide the scars. I wanted the scars so that in a few years from then I could see them, or a future lover or friend would see them and think, "wow shes strong, and survived that".

I look at the scars now and am ashamed. They aren't good and if anything it just makes people walk on eggshells around me afraid they will set me off.

I've been clean for eight months.

For five years I cut myself.

I was always the devil child of my siblings. I went through a goth fase, I would lie and steal, I did things behind my parents backs, smoked, drank, gave nudes, gained weight, failed classes and looked at alot of porn.

I knew I was a bad kid, I felt like a bad person. And I felt I didn't deserve anything I had because I knew these things were wrong and bad but I still did them.

So at one point I started to self harm because I felt I wasnt being punished enough. I felt that a metal broom being snapped in half on my ass, that having my room ransacked and all the things I loved (books and notebook filled with stories) thrown away, the degration and lectures and dissapointed stares from my parents weren't enough of a punishment.

Then for the first time, I'm not really sure why, but I wanted my life to be over, to stop the pain ii was causing the people I loved and I didn't want to feel this way, so I tried to commit suicide.

Over five times.

The first was embarassing and not many people know about it, but I tried to hang myself with a belt from my bedroom doorknob.

The first time it was close to working was the summer before my freshman year og high school, where I took a bottle of pills (what kind? I have no idea) from our medicine cabinet and took over half of 'em.

I dry heaved for four days straight.

The second time I was even closer. It was a few months later and I took a full unopened bottle of ibuprofen. I hallucinated about my sister and a girl from school I'd never spoken to, before getting sick.

My mom found out the truth behind that sickness but she still doesn't know about what cause the first.

I can no longer take ibeprofen without vomiting.

I still imagine what would happen if I jumped from the second floor windows in my school, if I'd survive if I just happened to startle my mom of the highway. Would that girl beat me to death if I lied and said she was a slut bag whore.

But I dont want to die anymore.

I realized that I was being selfish and pathetic. And I am still pathetic.

Life is so amazing, and long, and suprising, that you are always going to be flaberghasted by whats next.

On average, usally more, I think "wow, I'm glad I didn't succeed" a day.

If I'd died I would have missed my sister start middle school. I would have missed my youngest sister karate tournament. I wouldn't have seen my older sisters go across that stage. I wouldn't be crossing that stage. I would have missed the legalization of same sex marriage.

I would have missed so much.

Suicide isnt just about you.

Sure, you don't have to deal with something anymore. But what about the people you leave? Suicide is a chain affect. You don't know who you could have helped in your future, you don't know whether the person who sits behind you blames themselves for not noticing. You don't know how your family and friends ask themselves, "What if I'd done something? What if I could have done something? Why didn't I do something?"

I understand first hand that suicide is an option for some.

But if im going to be brutally honest-

Its not an option at all.

It doesnt help you.

It doesnt help other people.

If anything it makes things worse.

What you need to know is that there are people who care about you. There is someone who will listen, you just need to look, or even ask. You can't expect people to see something that is invisible to them unless they are looking for it.

You ARE loved.

You ARE important.

Yout DO matter.

And if not by your family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, peers...

Then by me.

Because i love all of you... Whether you believe it or not.

Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, negative emotions... That is all curable.

You just have to WANT to get better and actually do something.

Take charge of your life, don't let others get you down because- who cares about them. If you want encouragement contact me and I'll give you a "hello, i love you. You are so amazing I wish I could hug the fluff out of you and give you a peice of candy" text everyday.

Make a change.

And remeber-

#inspiration #suicide awarness #youre not alone #i love you #depression #loved #you can talk to me #ill try to help #you are amazing #strong #you are beautiful #wonderful #love yourself #self love #love all #respect

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pepasilvia · 5 years ago

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Why I haven't killed myself yet.

Good question. For plenty of reasons, I think. My parents and family would be immensely devastated. Probably they wouldn't forgive themselves for letting such a thing happen. Ever. Questioning all of their decisions as parents and probably feeling like a complete failure. My friends and partner would be scarred for life, they would blame themselves for not doing anything to prevent the situation. They would be so angry, hurt and confused it would be too much. Acquaintances affected, teachers, former students would be hysterical and shocked. My dog would miss me terribly and would not know why I am not at home anymore. Society at large would judge me, probably lamenting my decease, lamenting that the system is so rigged and corrupted and my death would be a symbol of the hopelessness of it all. Everyone questioning my decision, asking why I did it and how much blame they have in this situation. A lot of reasons could be given. But all I remember is being in my mom's room, thinking and thinking about harming myself. Not as a fleeting thought, or an indulgence, but REALLY contemplating the possibility. The tension palpable. The air of the room charged with desperation, anguish and fear. Feeling the of weight pills on the nightstand only by looking at them. Imagining how my body would collapse. And I was there, in that room alone, picturing taking my mom's pills, making a cocktail of it and swallowing them one by one. Waiting for my bodily reaction to happen. For my heart to fail and that my parents would have to take me to the hospital as fast as possible. Being unconscious and just hoping to wake up and all my problems be solved. For what? Not facing the shame of being a complete failure, not living to what everyone expected of me, for giving up and shy away from my problems. Like the coward I am. The one I have always been. I would be saving face. Why people would be dissapointed in someone who tried to kill themselves? They wouldn't. They couldn't. Because I thought that it would be better, that they would be more empathic with how I felt if I was so down that they couldn't judge me. I preferred their pity, than their respect. I preferred to be looked down upon, rather than validated. And that's just sad. And unfair. I hated myself so much that for a moment I rationalized that I would be better off as a depressed person rather than admitting that I needed help. Failure to whom? Failure in what? Jesus. I believe that what kept me from doing it was the fear of what may have happened if I did it. What if I did it but survived? What about the effects of the medication? Would I be impaired in any way after it? But, what if I really died? Was that really what I wanted? No, I didn't. I like to think that I didn't do it because I still believed I had a reason to live, a drive, an appreciation, a desire to live. So, I am still here. I didn't give up on me. I didn't allow those toxic thoughts to wipe me off this planet yet. I choose to life, fully, with all of its trials and tribulations, I actively decide to live it on my own terms. Just when I was just about to lose, I chose to keep playing and playing, just for the fun of it, just for the thrills, just for me. And you know what? After months and months, I feel and think that I'm winning.

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femaleidols · 7 years ago

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im curious on the admins opinions on the whole mamamoo blackface situation... im really having a hard time bc mamamoo was one of my ult groups but it's been so hard for me to move past that as a black woman and it hurts bc i can feel myself not having the joy i had before for this comeback :( im just curious about how the admins felt and how they worked past it

see our honest opinions below the cut!

sullflower: To be honest, I can’t say much about their scandal because I didn’t follow it nor am I a Moomoo. But you have every right to be disappointed. It’s totally okay if you don’t feel like enjoying them anymore, really. I know I wasn’t much help, but I hope you’ll find a way you’re comfortable with.

iyokans: (hiatus)

heonies: I don’t want to share any opinion on the matter since I don’t really follow mamamoo and only recently heard of the events. It is incredibly disappointing though, and you have every right to be upset. All I can say is, if something hurts you, don’t invest your time and effort into it. You do you, and don’t feel bad about it.

jiaerrs: dude i totally get it if you’re having a hard time. one of my ubs fucked up in a similar way last week and blatantly ignored black fans who were sending him messages to educate him. while i can’t understand how painful it is firsthand as an asian woman, i understand completely if you’re feeling conflicted/upset/etc. over what mamamoo did. ngl, i was very disappointed when i saw them do blackface again after i was starting to get over their last incident. even with rbw stepping up and issuing apologies for multiple instances, it doesn’t seem genuine because it keeps happening. seeing the amount of people justifying it because bruno mars wasn’t black and bringing up sexist double standards to absolve the girls from their fuckups is a headache to deal with. whatever you feel is totally valid, and it’s fine if you’re not excited or maybe you are. i just hope no one gives you a hard time for doing either or!

katypery: i don’t know the details on how this scandal unfolded since i haven’t been following it but when i heard it i was extremely disappointed with them. i’m not a moomoo myself so i don’t follow their activities but i do hope they learn from their mistakes regardless. i believe you have the right to be hurt since this situation affected you directly and probably most of their black fans as well so it’s totally understandable if you don’t feel like enjoying this comeback! i personally don’t see anything wrong with you feeling that way so don’t go hard on yourself and support them only if you feel comfortable.

sunjis: first of all, i’m not black. honestly when a situation like this happens i don’t even get surprised anymore, which is sad, i always expect the worst to happen sooner or later but when it does i still get disappointed. regardless of being an idol i like, my relatives, someone from work/school, i just hope the person learns from their mistakes and keep an open mind when they hear critics. i got really surprised by rbw apology, but what saddened me the most were some fans reactions, defending them and therefore proving themselves of being completely ignorant. if what happened made you sad and you don’t feel excited anymore, it’s fine, really. it’s not worthy giving more chances to something that makes you feel bad and it’s not your or any fans obligation to educate them, sometimes we just have to get away and do what is the best for ourselves.

lauxrent:I think that generally when you fave fucks up you need to understand that if you can’t move on past what they did it’s perfectly fine and you don’t have to overcome it? Like if they don’t bring you joy anymore you shouldn’t force yourself into it. Maybe it will pass with time maybe it won’t. I know that it must be sad and disappointing when your fave group fucks up and looses its magic for you because of that, but if it really bothers you shouldn’t feel obliged to accept it. I know that there is a certain pressure in kpop fandom to accept idols’ mistakes and that some fandoms are really nasty to people that can’t forgive their faves but this fandom culture is toxic and you primarily should focus on what makes you happy. Myself I was never really a fan of mamamoo and I won’t become one now.

sooyulti:it’s really disappointing and there’s no excuse for racism, all this bullshit that fans say when trying to explain it like “their culture is different”, i believe it makes the situation even worse… and i know they apologized but it’s hard to accept it, especially when they have a big international fanbase, they should’ve educated themselves by searching through internet, i’m sure they have access to it. anyways, idk how i could help you to move past that bc i’m still very disappointed and i can’t move past that either, i just hope the girls will learn from this and won’t make the same mistake again.

wonhosoks: i was pretty surprised that they did that tbh but im not into them like as a “fan” so my only opinion probably it was disappointing coming from them? idk but i totally get that you would feel hurt cus they are ur ult group too :( im so sorry I dont think i helped much at all :(

24kool: i’d rather not share my opinion on it, however i do hope you manage to find the right solution for you 💜

1krystaljung:when mamamoo first did it i was rly dissapointed and upset of course… but then they apologized so soon after which was really surprising and i wanted to forgive them & believe they had really learned from their mistakes. like i don’t think i’ve seen many idols apologize when they’re in situations like this, so i thought it was great they were aplogizing and i believed it to be genuine and that they were really gonna grow and learn from it! but then… they jst went and did blackface again so shortly after lmao… like i really thought they had learned and listened to what people had to say but i guess the apology was just to save face and wasn’t really genuine at all lol?? so the whole thing is really upsetting to me and i lost a lot of respect for them, especially now that they’re caught up in the controversy of them wearing bindis… like……. do they not learn??? it feels like they don’t really care like at all lmao. aaaand that’s my opinion on that. sorry, but i don’t really have much to say on “working past it” because i was never really a mamamoo stan, i just listen to some songs here and there. if you decide to work past it, good luck, i know it can be kind of hard to work past something like that, especially since it wasn’t just a one time thing :/ and if you decide to drop them that’s totally understandable and i wouldn’t blame you

seuhgi:that was disappointing for sure.

prkchaeyoung: i was never really a mamamoo fan, but what mamamoo did was extremely ignorant and it hurt a lot of people. if you believe that letting go of them is the best thing for you, then go for it!

yoonbomis: i’m sorry that the situation has made u feel this way :( the situation did make me upset and quite shocked?? (since i’m not a big fan of mmm, i didn’t really expect it) and i’m glad that fans’ rightfully upset/offended/perhaps betrayed? feelings to it was able to get a least, an apologetic response out of mamamoo and their agency (if i remember right, they said things along the lines that they were going to aim to educate themselves on it?) but it is still something that is constantly in my thoughts whenever i think of or see mamamoo, so it did hinder my opinion of them. however, i still listen to their music, although not with the same enthusiasm as before. i’m sorry if i’m not too much help or comfort ;; (also because i am not a black woman) but i hope u are able to find a way to ease ur pain in a way that makes u comfortable and happy ^^

monoka: as a nonfan & someone who was never interested in them i have to say i avoid them as much as possible, because i got tired of their problematic antics. They have done so many things multiple times and still NOT learn. Their ignorance is amazing.

seulge: what bothers me the most is that mamamoo fans are quick to pretend that these girls did absolutely nothing wrong - or most of them at least. i will never forget seeing on twitter this one moomoo who was giving out false translations to protect mamamoo’s reputation or some bs. i do not like mamamoo as people anymore, and the fandom is equally toxic imo, so i stepped away a long time ago. i might check out the mv when it’s out and if the song is good, so be it. i’ll listen to it if it’s catchy.

#reply #anonymous #about us

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wateenvent · 5 years ago

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I am so, fucking, dissapointed in you. I would've never expected you to accept those actions from your loved ones. If you truely love them then you should strive for them to be the best version of themselves. Their best self should not be filled with anger, frustration, sadness and obsession. You accepting that, only shows how much you truely love her.

Because of THEIR actions, they could've also gotten very hurt. You feel like it's okay because she got hurt mentally, but look at her reaction. Do you really think that what she did made her more happy about the situation? Does she feel good? losing herself to her emotions. Does she feel strong and proud for fighting someone who didn't attack? Did her crying WHILE SHE WAS ATTACKING mean she had tears of happyness? did she feel relief? Did all her cursing and violence make all bad that happened fine? No. And you know that damn well.

You two were selfish and only thought about yourselves. You only accepted one answer and nothing else. The other talked calmly, honestly and said that they could not give that without it being fake. You also don't accept the fake. You know that you two cannot get that thing truely, but when confronted with it and asked what you want that is ABLE to happen, you don't reply and talk around it.

The other girl was acting like an adult, proper and respectfull in the situation. You let your partner do as she pleased and attack the other, verbally and physically, while that girl didn't do jack fucking shit in the situation except share her side of the story and give honest answers. Your partner is childish and selfish. The world doesn't and won't kneel at her will. There will be bad things in life and hard times happen, but if you only sit in pity when that happens and blame everyone around you then you will not come far.

I expected better of you. You let your actions be influenced by your emotions and let your loved one do it too. You watched as someone who you used to call friend was being attacked by your partner. You did nothing, showed no emotion, didn't say anything, did jack fucking shit. Are you happy with your actions? Are you happy that nothing got better about the situation and it only got worse because of your actions? Are you happy? No.

You will still feel anger when thinking about the other girl. Your partner will feel anger and frustration when she hears her name. Your relation with your partner will still have the thorns that have grown because of the past. No amount of curses and or punches will heal that. It will only get buried in more and more anger. Even if the other girl would die, then that will still not change anything about the past. You must know that, seeing your reaction in conflict.

You are not happy. You are not better than her. You are not fixing YOUR relation by attacking anyone outside of it. And you are not strong. You are one of the weakest persons I know, both you and your partner.

I am dissapointed in you. I lost respect for you. You showed true weakness with your actions and now feel strong for admitting that you did that. Your actions were a mistake and you must learn from that, not be proud of acknowledging it.

Yes. The other girl also did bad things. You also did. You can feel regret about your actions since it had big consequences and because they are YOURS. How someone else feels, acts and thinks is NOT something that is in your power to mend. You know that, you are not a dumb person. It must feel terrible yes, unfair and evil. But those things are out of your hands. You should not frustrate and concentrate about things that are outside of your ability to change. You can't change the past and you can't force someone to think differently.

You should focus and work on the things that ARE in your ability to change. Your actions, your words, your thoughts, NOT the ones from another. You can ofcourse confront them about their actions et cetera and ask them to make change, but if they do not change any of those after the request then you must accept it and set focus on things more important. If you cannot be around someone for whatever reason, then don't. Lowering yourself to high levels of public vulgarity and violence won't heal anything.

Now that all contact is gone, you two have no one to blame and attack directly. You two now have no detour and have to face the conflict that is your relationship.

I do not wish for such people in my life. You let your partner act like this, the one you love most. That means you'd also accept actions like that from me. I do not want that. If someone let's me act like that, then they do not care about me. If someone won't try to bring the best out of me, then they are not worth being called a friend and they are not. It saddens me, thinking about the good times, but if the outlook on the future is muddied by actions like these, then I'd rather have a different future without you.

I wish you the best, as a former friend. May life be kinder to you. May your hardships be outbalanced by joy and may you grow as a person.

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servantsarecool · 7 years ago

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THE TIME HAS CAME. Let me show you the most beautiful being of this world, blessing from gods, love of my life, my biggest obssesion, personification of perfection and reason why Im still alive. I present you Son of the Sun God Surya, hero of the Indian epic Mahabharata - Karna. This introduction was supposed to be way longer, because when I was thinking how to write this post I still hadn't had Karna in Fate/Grand Order. I thought I'll be writing "please give Karna" trilion times in this post, BUT I'VE BEEN BLESSED AND HIS CARD CAME TO ME. I can finally look at my angel and listen to his voice (He has the most beautiful voice in the world and Im crying whenever I hear him. Im not joking.) when Im going sleep or before getting up from bed. Now Im the happiest person in the world even if I summooned him looong time ago. I think something about when I published latest blog. Whatever. Be prepared that Im going to write about his perfectness for 99% of this post. And it'll be really weird because Im a weirdo normally and if it goes for Karna then Im beating everything in this world or even universe. Don't say that I hadn't warned. You're reading this on your risk. Karna is son of queen Kunti and sun god, Surya. Kunti wanted a proof that Karna is Surya's son so she prayed to him. He listened her words and gave Karna golden armour that made him invulnerable. It's sad but Kunti abandoned Karna who was her first son. As a queen and wife of king Pandu she didn't need Karna. (HOW COULD SHE DO SOMETHING BAD TO MY PRECIOUS ANGEL. If I could ever meet her I'd murder her with my own hands.) Karna grew up with a low social status, alone, with only the things he had been given by his father, held in his chest (You can see it on second picture. And look at Fate's Karna, he has a cute crystal there 💕 ) Karna was growing up alone, without even knowing his mother's face. He was really cold and cruel, most of his actions were violent. (Don't blame him. It is falut of environment where he was living. KARNA DID NOTHING WRONG.) He couldn't even learn humans emotions. But Karna didn't hate his mother or people who surrounded him. He accepted everything. (Look how forgiving my boy is. People should learn from him.) His mother and father were the ones who gave him life so he thought that no matter what kind of person his mother was, he couldn't hate her. If there is anything he had to hate it was himself alone. (YOU'RE PERFECT AND REMEMBER IT PLEASE, I LOVE YOU, DON'T HATE YOURSELF MY PRECIOUS ANGEL, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU) Karna was a virtuous and perceptive child. He grown up and participated in a conference of the Kuru family. Then, five Pandava brothers were praising themselves and their magnificent skills. Third son Arjuna's (I HATE YOU, YOU PIECE OF TRASH. YOU SHOULDN'T EXIST AND HURT MY LOVELY KARNA. Arjuna is bad. Karna is good. Remember this and everything will be fine.) skill at the bow was especially great. No one could beat him. But then Karna challenged Arjuna. Arjuna (I mean that little garbage) refused because Karna's status wasn't high enough to challenge someone like prince. Karna and his honour were saved by the oldest brother of Kaurava clan, Duryodhana. He became interested in Karna and made him a king in palace Pandavas. A battle with five brothers, especially Arjuna (trash lord) was waiting for Karna. Soon the war between Pandava and Kauravas started. It was called Kurukshetra War. Karna stand in Kauravas side to help Duryodhana win. On the Pandava side, the only one who could oppose Karna was Arjuna, but even he knew that fighting Karna directly was certain death. Just before the battle Arjuna's father, Indra the Thunder God, who understood that Karna could not be hurted, stole his golden armour. But even if Karna could be killed now, he hadn't left the battlefield. (This was so stupid. WHY HADN'T YOU LEFT?! Everything would end good and I wouldn't cry! Yes, everything ends really bad and this means my death as well. Wait I already don't have a soul.) Indra was really surprised so he asked Karna why he decided to stay and fight. He saw the divinity of Surya himself in Karna and gave him his spear even if it would help him fight his own son. Then, Karna could wield the greatest spear, that Indra had not given even to his own son. (Look how amazing my boy is, he event touches gods. I couldn't be more proud of him. What? No, Im not crying right now. You're crying. I SAID IM NOT CRYING.) At the final battle with Arjuna, Karna was already without his allies who betrayed him (HOW DARE YOU. Wait a minute, Im taking a trip to another world just to deal with those traitors.) This was the largest battle in this war or even more. Both of them were at their limits. The string of Arjuna's bow was nearly destroyed. But the end came. And Arjuna shoot down the sun. (Give me another minute. Yeah, Im crying right now. I can't take writing about death of the boy that gives me will to live. He just means more than everything to me, okay. And even writing that in this blog makes me really emotional. And my music in background kills me more ;____; I will add it so you can listen to this beautiful song as well. Sung by another angel who I love. Okay, time to calm down and finish writing this. Today's saturday so new episode of Fate/Apocrypha is aring AND I CAN SEE MY BOY ALIVE. This gives me hope.) It is said that after his death, Karna became one with his father Surya and sun. The hero who while possessing high abilities, was the enemy of his brothers by blood, received various curses, and lost his life without showing his true worth. That's Karna. You know what is sad? Arjuna didn't knew that Karna was his brother. The only ones who had this information were Kunti, Karna and Surya. And I think that's all. History of best boy who I love more than anything else. Im actually really happy that I could show you this story. I know that it looks really weird and psycho but from my perspective it is completely normal. Im just living surrounded by another nerds who likes that stupic Chinese cartoons and we're taking stories of our favourites characters that emotionally. Weird for others, normal for us. I don't think this is bad. If that makes us happy then it's good. Even if sometimes we cry over those characters, our love for them makes us happier than anything else~ Yeah, that's really everything I wanted to write in this post. I don't know who'll I write about next but expect that post to be weird as well. Expect all this blog to be strange. All I can tell for now it's that I won't dissapoint you with writing something normal! See ya! PS Karna dies at end of Fate/Apocrypha which is airing now and slowly comes to end so be prepared that when I won't come to school, this means Im already dead and you can buy flowers for my grave.

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