#persevering faith

[rochenn]

Local history museum? Are you from the Baltic coast of Germany?

Might have phrased that wrong, I'm currently on the Baltic coast but not from there, just very interested in old eastern German customs ig and this corner of the country is incredibly fascinating! So I was really taken aback by how few people were in that amazing museum :/ good reminder to support the one in my hometown, I guess. Local history deserves to be known

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Pressing Toward the Goal

12 Not as though I have already received, or have already been perfected; but I am striving, so that I may also lay hold on that for which I also was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself as having attained; but this one thing I do-- forgetting the things that are behind, and reaching forth to the things that are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 3:12-14 | A Faithful Version (AFV) A Faithful Version Bible Copyright © 2007, 2009, 2010, 2011 York Publishing Company. All rights reserved. Cross References: Matthew 5:48; Luke 9:62; Acts 9:5; Romans 8:28; Romans 8:39; Romans 11:29; 1 Corinthians 9:24; Hebrews 6:1

[bbcphile]

This FB post by Rebecca Solnit is the thing keeping me sane this morning,so I’m sharing it here in case it helps you all, too:

“They want you to feel powerless and to surrender and to let them trample everything and you are not going to let them. You are not giving up, and neither am I. The fact that we cannot save everything does not mean we cannot save anything and everything we can save is worth saving. You may need to grieve or scream or take time off, but you have a role no matter what, and right now good friends and good principles are worth gathering in. Remember what you love. Remember what loves you. Remember in this tide of hate what love is. The pain you feel is because of what you love.

The Wobblies used to say don't mourn, organize, but you can do both at once and you don't have to organize right away in this moment of furious mourning. You can be heartbroken or furious or both at once; you can scream in your car or on a cliff; you can also get up tomorrow and water the flowerpots and call someone who's upset and check your equipment for going onward.

A lot of us are going to come under direct attack, and a lot of us are going to resist by building solidarity and sanctuary. Gather up your resources, the metaphysical ones that are heart and soul and care, as well as the practical ones.

People kept the faith in the dictatorships of South America in the 1970s and 1980s, in the East Bloc countries and the USSR, women are protesting right now in Iran and people there are writing poetry. There is no alternative to persevering, and that does not require you to feel good. You can keep walking whether it's sunny or raining. Take care of yourself and remember that taking care of something else is an important part of taking care of yourself, because you are interwoven with the ten trillion things in this single garment of destiny that has been stained and torn, but is still being woven and mended and washed.”

[floralhellscapedatv]

There is so much content in fandom regarding how Spite used to be Determination but I have a hot take here that I have been burning to share, here it is:

Spite is referred to/addressed multiple times as a spirit of determination, and crucially he does not correct this in the game. When Rowan addresses him as "Spirit of Determination" he's PUMPED, when Isabela introduces him in the Hall of Valor it's as "legendary Spirit of Determination, Spite!"

What I'm saying here is that Spite has always been Spite, and 'spite' is a type of determination. A subcategory, if you will. He is still a spirit of determination, just specifically determination as it manifests in the form of spite.

Taking this further, "demon" is a term that people in Thedas came up with to classify spirits they viewed negatively or as threats. So functionally, "demons" are just spirits that aren't benevolent or benign towards mortals, for whatever reason, whether they started out that way or were "corrupted" by circumstance/outside influence.

None of this is to say that Spite hasn't been traumatized or changed by his experiences, I think it's fairly obvious that he has, and not just in the Ossuary - I imagine living in an assassin's brain is going to have some impact on a being that is "susceptible to influence" (as Emmrich puts it) and could definitely explain Spite's being more inclined to solve problems with violence. But in spite of all this (see what I did there) from the very beginning Spite is remarkably cooperative for a so-called "demon." He makes an effort to understand and learn more about the world, he only ever takes control or lashes out in moments of intense frustration, he makes deals with Lucanis and adheres to them even when it would probably be easier to forcibly take him over, he actively bonds with other members of the team (Rook, Emmrich, Taash, Manfred) who bother to interact with him, he actively helps and shows concern for Lucanis and Rook even in situations that don't have anything to do with his own supposed goals. Spite didn't choose to be stuck in Lucanis, but he's determined to make things work (see what I did there again.)

Lucanis thinks he's making deals to appease Spite, Spite is actually making deals to appease Lucanis. And he's doing it because he feels whatever a spirit's equivalent of attachment is for him! The same thing that drew Manfred (Curiosity) to Emmrich, that drew the Spirit of Faith to Wynne all the way back in Origins, that draws the Wisps to Neve, etc. Lucanis is himself a human embodiment of determination, in at least the first half of the game that man is persevering on spite alone, and Spite loves that even if it means Lucanis is difficult as hell to reason with. Spite is frustrated that Lucanis keeps spiting him, but he also has to respect it. Game recognizes game.

[righteousenjoymentofthunder]

#it goes all ways between them and stacks on top of each other#there’s like five different angles to it and a secret sixth thing and it makes me go insane#is a god the person who creates or the person who preserves created life by sheer faith alone#the absolute mind bend of a world created for one person alone yet that entire universe kept alive by their imagination and love for it#also the whole situation of love from reader to creator and creator to reader and character as a tool but character as a devoted companion#the way the creation loves and devotes itself to suffer for its god-not-god in turn#ORV is so convoluted it’s like five billion mindfucks stacked in a trench coat#and I love every silly little word of it#ugh

crying and laughing at your tags (would be going think think brain blast for big thoughts but alas)

Lying on the floor in a puddle of my tears and staring blankly at the ceiling as I once again think about all the fucked up, multi-dimensional ways that Kim Dokja, Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung encompass the god vs creation and deity vs worshipper dynamics

[flwerr-ss]

Listen To Your Prayers..

yandere!Morax

summary ; dragons are very known for their possessive behavior, especially to their treasures, but does that apply to the great Geo Archon, Morax? yes! how could he even think of resisting, the urge to possess and claim the beautiful treasure, and what could be better then the digitally dear like you, who would look up at him like he hung the stars

cw! - monster fucking, mild non//con, dub//con, possessive behavior, unhealthy mindsets, servant reader, sacrilegious themes, power dynamics

As a servant of the geo archon, you had given your whole heart, body, and soul in serving him as your dear god no matter the task, you would digitally complete your assigned task. no matter the hard labor you would still give your soul even to the littlest things. your prayers of passion and worship would be nothing but holy. Maybe one would call you obsessed, but you were more than willing to bear that title because when you performed this act of faith you couldn't help but feel like you were complete.

At least that what’s you assumed but who would have prepared yourself, as if your faith would break down in the hands of the one you would worship until your knees would ache, and the losing feeling in your hands from the tight clasp you keep while you prayed to the one who would destroy your being, and take away the last bit of purity you would have left and being faced with the task of servicing the one and only Rex Lapis, you couldn’t help the feeling of your legs wanting to collapse onto your knees, or the ways your hands watered with sweat, and the loosening of the grip you had on the bucket of water, the water in the bucket threatening to spill past the top as every movement of your feet pushed the movement of the ripples of water into waves.

You took a deep breath as you approached the entrance of gold, and intricate designs of architecture seeming very much perfect of the god himself. you looked upon the chamber door, and you noticed the guards of the entrance not once dared to make direct eye contact, and you didn’t try either but instead kept your head down and continued to be so silent. you finally lifted your head to face one of the guards who simply gave you a small nod, he seemed to notice your attire and considered you safe and not a danger, and then he opened the chamber doors, and then you continued trying to ignore how your legs felt like jelly and how your heart raced, like it was trying to rip itself from out of your ribcage

And as your feet made the soft creaks against the hard wooden tiles, the closer you got to the room where the one who you worshiped would resign, you couldn’t help that some anxiety that would blossom in the pit of your stomach, to grow and grow, and only then did you see him, you couldn’t but feel like you were going to collapse on the ground, his eyes that lingered, the eyes that are like an ocean of honey, the golden amber shining brightly like the moon in a dark sky. they were so bright, so captivating like you were losing yourself in a puddle that would descend into a deep ocean

You quickly realize you were staring when you heard a deep chuckle, you felt so embarrassed, did you already ruin your first meeting with your god? How could you atone for the sin you probably committed?

“…Don’t be too afraid dear” Even his voice sounded like honey, like a sickening sweet, one that would cause cavities. it was hard to distinguish the slightest hint of change in his tone when you called you dear, maybe due to the fact your savior is even speaking to you? if only you had listened just a bit more, and maybe persevered with your last innocence and still be oblivious to the way your god was speaking. But how you even think of questioning anything when your god was speaking to you, with his honeyed voice, that would make any woman's legs weak

You only held your breath, you were not afraid no no, far from afraid if anything your heart felt like it was jumping out from your chest to say nothing but praises of worship to him, you could never be afraid of him. It was the fear of making him disappointed, that was making you afraid. The feeling of disappointing him would destroy your well-being, how dare you fail your god? You finally looked up to face the god and answered him politely as you should as a servant of his, just for your voice to get stuck in your throat. There laid your god, laying open many silken soft pillows along with intricate silken sheets and blankets.

He wore his nightly attire, one fitting for himself. There you could see how his hair fell along his shoulders, where they would lay across his bare chest that showed from where the hanfu was opened.

“I am not afraid my lord..” you spoke, trying to preserve your voice and not sound like an utter fool, yet even then the shake in your voice did not leave, and showed very much in your face, and Morax just grinned.

Your behavior was just so lovely. Such a sweet little thing trying her best to serve him yet couldn't keep her emotions hidden, but instead showed them upon her face, really such a precious thing…

He rested his head on his fist and stared at you with some type of hungry glint, a predator looking at his prey. His grin never faltered on his face. Your face felt warm from his gaze. His eyes that glazed over your body you could practically feel his eyes roam your body, although there wasn’t much to see with your uniform.

“um..sir Rex Lapis... I’ve prepared your water” you finally spit out, the real reason you were here was to bring him water, wipe his face clean, and make him presentable, yet it was hard to keep your nervousness down when all he did was stare.

“hm..” his eyes remained on you, as his face made one of remembrance, “I guess it is that time of day...and assuming, you, my dear will be the one taking care of me?” he said with his lips curling back upwards

you quickly shook your head yes, scared that maybe your words wouldn’t come out gracefully, and you would be just a stuttering fool.

“then come dear..I wouldn’t want you to keep me waiting?” he said before making a motion to come closer, you quickly moved towards him, the water moving with your steps

you keep your gaze upon the floor, making sure that you do not once trip while making your way towards your god. you held your breath until your lungs began to feel that sting from the lack of oxygen, yet even then you didn’t allow yourself to be distracted, not when you were about to serve the one you worship.

you laid the bowl of water on the cold wooden floor by the edge of his bed before sitting upon your knees the same way you would when you would pray to him. you flatten your skirt to make yourself presentable and hold onto your dignity before looking upon your god, awaiting his words.

his honey-yellow eyes stared down, looking down at your figure that stood so patiently for his directed word, and he couldn’t be more pleased than now, he leaned forward towards you. the shifting of fabric being heard as he began to become closer and closer until you faced your god.

“Go on now..do your job,” he said, his voice sounding so dangerous yet you couldn’t refuse. you took a rag that rested in the water and squeezed the excess water from the rag with a twisting motion, your hands shook and you could feel a drop of sweat drip down your face, you took a deep breath before slowly lifting yourself from your knees, and faced morax. your hand shook as you brought your hand towards his face, fear of water droplets dripping onto him, the warm water touched his face and you slowly and gently pressed the rag against his cheek. softly you moved the rag across his soft skin. never once pushing too much, not daring to be rough on his skin.

morax closed his eyes in relief, the warmth hitting his skin, as the wet rag glided over his skin, softly cleaning any lingering dirt or sweat that might have laid on his skin. your eyes stayed focused on his skin, trying to not get any water remnants on his clothes, or anywhere, it might be inconvenient for him.

you focus deeply on trying to fulfill your duty, not noticing how his eyes have opened and stared at you, looking deeply at your reflection, his lips slightly curled upwards before he spoke.

“come closer..you can’t get your job done if you are far away..” he said. your eyes widened, Have you already failed? had you already disappointed him? you quickly listened to his words and apologized

“I apologize..my lord,” you said, trying to ignore the shake that lingered in your voice, the dryness that formed at the back of your throat, or how you almost collapsed when you heard his scared words, you truly are an imperfect being, that still needs to learn, you thought deeply before slowly allowing yourself to take more steps near him. Each footstep made a slight padder as you moved. You looked up at your god, the wet rag still in your hands, you felt your fingers start to prune up from how long you had been holding the water allowing it to seep into the pads of your fingertips.

You held your breath still awaiting his words to allow you to continue, it was hard to keep your composure when he kept looking at you, not once daring to speak.

“Closer,” and those were the first words he spoke, and although you allow yourself to do anything for him, it felt uncomfortable to move so close, to be that close seems like something that was not in your privilege, the air felt tenser like a heavy weight had pressed against your body, making this uneasiness wash over you. You swallowed down the air feeling a sting from how dry your throat had become, as you finally took another step further, and the once quiet floors now creaking against the weight of your foot, this only giving you more and more time for that feeling that was building in the pit of your stomach, for it to explode, and yet with this close of a distance you heard the same words, “closer..” and you couldn't help how your heart was trying to race out from your chest, tear thought your ribcage and bleed outwards in fear? You couldn't understand this feeling that had overtaken you.

And as you took another step, you could hear the whisperings of your conciseness telling you not to dare, but how could you refuse the words of your archon? You could feel sweat build up from the back of your neck, your skin forming bumps. Why were you so scared? Keeping your somewhat compuse you pushed yourself forward ignoring the gut feeling that was building up, and approached your savoir and faced him, your eyes worshiping him in their way. You awaited his words but there was never inserted you felt his hand quickly grip your waist, you couldn't even react in time with how quickly you were thrown to the soft bed

Your back hit the silky sheets, a slight bounce from the mattress pushing you up, you let out a sound, one of shock, maybe even fear. The sudden movement made you feel dizzy, so fast you were thrown, the sinking of the soft bed almost feeling like it was trying to swallow you whole, and lock you in the jaws of something that was covered in such softness, and as if you were looking at the beast himself. That hovered over you with such a dark gaze, not one of human one akin to a monster, and only then did you remember, he was not human, not a moral like yourself, you had walked yourself into the dragon's den, that was nothing but false promises.

“Rex-” and before you could even mutter out his name to ask what was the cause of this sudden behavior, you were faced with such force, your teeth clicking with fangs, that dug into your lips. Your eyes widened, you didn't know how to react. All the air that was in your lungs had left. You couldn't breathe. You shut your eyes tightly, as globs of wet salty tears crystallize in your eye ducts, threatening to spill. Your hand pushed desperately against his chest trying to create a gap so you could breathe, but your strength did nothing, the lack of oxygen not making it any better.

His tongue slid past your lips, trying to make it past your teeth, and into the wet crevices of your mouth, yet you couldn't allow yourself to open your mouth, it felt dirty, like as if it was crawling into your skin, and his saliva continued to pour into your mouth, the sickening feeling continued to build up, the lack of oxygen, causing your head to spin. You felt his hand crawl behind your head, smashing your lips even closer. The act was so forceful. It felt like he was trying to eat you alive, with the nicks from his sharp teeth tearing the soft tissue upon your lips, and in a final effort to get air, you opened your mouth to breathe. Just inhaling the fresh air sent you reeling, the air sending you in a euphoric state, but only for a short second because as soon as you opened your mouth, you allowed him access, and he took the invention.

His slimy tongue dug into your mouth, it warped around yours. This was far from human, the tongue being too long, too thin. And yet it pushed its way past your throat, causing you to gag. It was devouring you with his kiss, and when you opened your eyes to face the man, though wet tears lay in your waterline

As he pulled back, giving you what you desperately needed for space. You let out a cough, a string of saliva connecting him to you, and the pickle droplets of blood that dripped down from his sharp teeth, tore the thick layer of skin. You looked up at the one person you thought could do no wrong, yet the feeling of dread? Disgust? The need to wipe your mouth feels so overwhelming yet at the same time, shouldn't you just let him? He was your god, and you swore that you would serve him, with your body and soul –so shouldn't it be right to let him do as he pleases? This question ran through your mind in that short while that he gave you a break, yet that wasn't long-lived.

You let out a yelp when your leg was tugged downwards, your body sliding down the silk sheets with ease. He took the same leg he tugged at, and pushed it open, leaving you in a vulnerable position where you couldn't do anything but only watch. He gripped tightly at the fat of your calf, his nails just slightly tearing through that thin layer. His eyes glowed as he focused on the meal in front of him. He placed soft kisses along your calf. Such soft kisses that one would mistake them for a sign of affection, but it was hard to feel that way when he looked like an animal that had you in his jaws, and his mouth opened allowing for more sloppy kisses, you couldn't help the way your body wanted to desperately wanted to push always from his touch? How could you even let your dear lord do something to you?

Yet you still throw your head back to not face the person who looks at you like some type of meat, and as he moves along your leg– upwards– you couldn't help how you screwed your eyes shut. Maybe to pretend it wasn't your god that was doing this, but was he just taking what you promised you would give when you took that holy oauth, swearing to give your body and soul to him, and isn't that what he's doing? Collecting what's his. Everything made your head spin as you tried to rationalize everything, and when that sharp pain, as one of his canines pieced your skin, you couldn't help the yelp that slipped past your lips, the stinging pain, hitting you instantly your eyes wide open, your body instantly trying to move away from the one causing you pain.

Yet in the end you couldn't move, not with his bruising grip that kept you glued down, and even slight movement of trying to escape only caused more uncountable pain. Making your eyes water, and as the warm salt tears pile up in your waterline, about to drip over the edge. You didn't know how to react, was this how it was supposed to be? For you to be pinned to the bed, with the one you serve between your legs looking at you as if you were the person to be ravaged, eaten alive...

and you just closed your eyes, keeping them closed as his hand slid further up your legs, becoming dangerously close to the space between your thighs. your teeth dug into the skin of your lip as his mouth lingered around your legs, you could feel the strain in the muscles of your thighs from being hoisted up there for so long, the sting of pain only intensified when he brought it more, allowing more room for him, as his hot mouth moved upwards, to your inner thigh, the fabric that once covered it not discarded and, now only having the flimsy fabric of your panties to cover yourself.

and with how he kissed and sucked into your skin, it would be a matter of minutes before even that fabric would become useless

you could feel such sharp canines, that dragged along your sensitive skin, a sharp inhale through your nose. It was hard to focus, and with your eyes closed to only see darkness, leaving you vulnerable to him.

your eyes widened, a sound that you couldn’t know leaving your lips, his long tapped tongue licked upon the thin fabric, you could hear him let out a groan as if he tasted the honey from the hive itself

your hands darted to the sheets, to grip something to ground yourself, as his tongue hit that sensitive nub, sending shocks of pleasure down your spine, you let it a whine. your lips trembled as you felt his hand reach up your thighs until it reached your panties, his sharp talons ripping off the wetten fabric, leaving you fully exposed

you wanted to rip yourself from this whole situation, it was hard to formulate thoughts or even try to understand how you felt about this.

your mouth opened o, as he flatted his tongue along your slit, leaving a mess of his saliva on your core. your hands gripped tightly on the sheets until your knuckles were turning white. he eyes stared at your face, analyzing your every facial expression, soaking in your pleasure.

his hands gripped the fat of your thighs prying them open, you let out a hiss at the sting of adductor brevis, stretched and strained, allowing him to nuzzle himself deeper in your core

he ran his tapped tongue, lapping at your cunt, before the tip of his tongue tapped lightly at your clit, allowing a high-pitched moan to leave your lips, with this reaction he connected his lips around your sensitive nerves. It was so stimulating for you who never once dared touch yourself because you never saw the need.

It was a painful sensation of pleasure, too much for your body to handle, your hands darted to his head, not even realizing the consequences of your actions, and desperately tried to pull at something, to get him to stop sucking. and the first thing you grabbed was something rough, you looked down, almost fully regretting it as you stared at his lust-filled graze. the pronounced horns that your hands had grabbed, the slight glow that radiated off them, and along his hands that dented into your skin. you could see the scales that showed along his face, showing his true form, something not human.

You truly couldn't understand this, and as much as you wished you could, you couldn't not when his mouth was lapping are your core, and the sounds that left your mouth in the shapes of his name, the sweet harmony of your sweet sounds, that left your lips. Your eyes roll to the back of your skull. You sweeten the feeling of his tongue devouring a place even if you did not dare, you could feel him flatten his tongue before licking down your slit, trailing down until getting to the source of your sweet fluids.

You heard him let out a deep groan that sent vibrations straight to your cunt. You let out a pathic whine. Feeling delirious as this new feeling bubbled up in your stomach, making your toes curl at every harsh lick that he pridefully devoured

claiming what was rightfully his. you couldn’t help the desire that tore along your stomach, wanting to explode. a feeling you've never once felt and as your mind went more and more blank, the black and white fuzziness that clouded your vision along the salty tears. you felt yourself tip and tip until fully tipping into a state of pure euphoric relief, even as the shame lingered.

“ m-my lord-“ you tried to whine out, to give a response from tattered lips, that stuck together from the dry saliva that dripped from your mouth

morax simply hummed, lifting his mouth from your dripping core, in favor of taking his time, creating light red marks that would bloom into deeper colors of purple along the skin nearest to your core. your scent still lingering in his mouth as he closed his eyes and sucked diligently into the soft fat.

and as you stared at your lord you couldn’t help but be reminded that he was no human. He was something you could never imagine. the horns that adorn his head or the rough scales that run along his skin, being only a reminder that you were messing with a god, something you, human could never understand.

and even though you believed you understood that it still didn’t compare to reality. the reality of his mouth that ran along your skin, the sharp teeth that could at any time tear into your skin and destroy your very essence.

your eyes went wide when you felt that warm slimy flesh lick at your now very sensitive nub. you let out a gasp, you were knocked out of your thoughts and faced with a deprived beast ready for his second serving.

“Pl-please, i..” and you couldn't bring yourself to say no? You couldn't even think that you felt your whole body shake and trimmer in an overwhelming sensation of something you've never experienced, being caused by the holy mouth of someone you devote your life to. You felt yourself melt deeper into this silken padded mattress as your senses soon became jumbled up into a puddle of pure and utter rapturous pleasure. And as it sent just sharp electric shocks into every single limp you could feel.

The incohesive babbles of semi-words that would break apart in your mind, no string of thoughts could fully form, the constant strain and sting on your poor nub, soaking hole, leaving no room for anything. Only his actions, as he pushed your legs further up allowed more space for his board fame. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as his thinly tapped tongue pushed into your hole. Your god, the one you worshipped was the one to define you, and as if that same feeling of overwhelming ecstasy boiled up again. You couldn't control the pathic whimper that left your lips. And as he drank whatever liquids of sweet nectar from your once pure hole, something once untouched..

The rough slimy texture of his tongue continued to lap at your swollen nub. Overstimulation setting in as you let our whines, at the stinging pain that shoots up your body , right up your spine. You could feel salty globs of tears continuing to form in your water line. And as you desperately tried to hold onto your last bit of sanity, you nails digging into the sheets, the pillows, blankets. Anything to hold onto, to keep you feeling grounded as you mind flooded into the clouds of ecstasy.

And after what seemed like eternity, his mouth finally detached from your wet core, you could hear the pants of air from him as he stared at you, and then back at your cunt. He grazed, staring at the meal that lay in front of him. As if a cloud of please had clouded his eyes as he moved just slightly away. In favor of removing his nightly attire, leaving him bare for your eyes.

Your eyes scanned his body, the more you looked the more you couldn't help but awe. The intricate patterns of an archon created his arms, and his face flushed, and wet from you our liquids, and adorn with those scales that limited a beautiful golden color, yet the further your eyes trailed the more you couldn't keep back the slight fear of pain that might accompany you.

2 cocks laid almost flat on his navels, that also adorung that same golden light that gave that slight gold. One just slightly bigger than the other. Pre cum dripped from the darker colored tips, yet the most compelling part was just the sheer size of each of them. One of them looking bigger than your own forearm, although you could only estimate in the clouded judgment. It only happened when he gripped onto your ankles and yanked you down to him. You let out a wabaton gasp only then did you fully realize what was really going into you.

Laying against your unclothed cunt was the slightly smaller one, you could feel the heat radiate off, and even in your state of uncentioness? Fear? You could feel the slightest flick of excitement. Was it due to you wanting to please your lord? Or was it one of your selfish lustful reasons? You didn't know not when he was leaning into your ear. The hot breath hits the shell of your ear.

“I can't promise I will be gentle, dear..” morax said, the lack of patience showing more and more, as his hips rocked just slightly against yours. One of his cocks sliding up and down through your folds.

The tip of his cock pushed against that sensitive bundle of nerves. You couldn't help but shut your eyes at the stimulation, that was making your toes curl.

Morax observed your facial expression enjoying the look of pleasure, leaning into your lip. He presses his against yours, missing and craving the taste of them again. And in a state of pleasure you couldn't help but just melt into the kiss, ignore the how his hand trailed down where you guys would soon be connected at.

He slowly guided his way into your cunt. Your eyes went wide at the sudden stinging sensation. And the further he pushed into your tight hole, the more and more the painful feeling built. As you tried desperately to pull away from the kiss, to voice that it hurts. He simply kissed harder.

His sharp teeth dug into your lips, skin breaking until that metallic taste hit not only your tongue but his too. Which he gladly lapped at, as if he was a sugary drink.

He continued to push his cock further into your sweet tasting flower. And the farther he was in the more you could feel your cunt drool in hope to ease the pain, that only seemed to intensify. You couldn't help the tears that fall from your eyes. You desperately need to breathe.

Everything was too much. It hurt. You were being stretched further than you could even compheand. You whined inro his mouth pathicly, maybe in hope he would stop yet he didnt. He simply pushed his tongue inro your mouth.

As you tried to breathe through your nose, and the constant pain until he finally stopped pushing in. he pulled away in favor of looking at the connection point of you two. His eyes had these unfocuses as if he was another sense of existence. His eyes trailed from your cunt to your tear-soaked face, which was flushed red. He couldn't help the slightest grin he had.

You looked up at him trying to contain some air that you had lost. Yet when you swear that grin, you feel something tighten in your pit. He heard him let a groan from your walls tightening. He looked downwards looking where you and him were conjoined. His eyes went wide and feeling with this primal instict,

Pulling out leaving just his tip in, before slamming it back in. The pain and pleasure shoot up through your body like an electrical shock. The pain became more and more painful the more he slammed his hips against yours.

You were rendered utterly useless in this moment, your nails digging into his back. You could guess how that might leave marks on his porcelain body yet at this moment your mind was to puddle with the strongest sensitivtion of pain and the bubbling feeling that you had become acquainted with less than an hour ago.

And through all this, as your eyes rolled as far as they could, as your toes curled so tightly that they would turn white. You couldn't help but ask yourself had this been what you were destined for? Even as the pleasure soon overtook that painfull stinging pain

Had this been who you've been praying to?

Had this been your prayers answered?

[ a/n: sorry for the long wait! i’m pretty sure there quite a few spelling errors near the end, i was kinda rushing because i was already over 10 pages longggg so sorry for the ending :(]



[p1utofairy]

PICK A CARD: BARBIE edition.

★ which one of your manifestations is coming towards you?

NOTE: take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. i feel like people are in need of some positivity and encouragement so here you go! 🍬

pile one.

hi pile 1 🌞 wow i feel like you have a very bright personality! it's so potent and beautiful. you can light up any room you walk into, and once you start seeing your beauty for what it truly is, that's when you'll really become a magnet for the things you desire. i feel like you've come out of some deep situations that left you confused or wondering about your true purpose in this lifetime – but don’t let anyone or any situation ever dim your light or take away your power. your soul purpose is really special and i think you’ve been looking for clarity or some sort of answer/solution to this lack that you’re feeling in your soul. you will definitely receive a message and/or an answer to what you’ve been seeking to find. i see this manifestation being a dream come true, pile 1.

you’ve put the work in and now you’re about to reap the benefits of your labor. this could be a new job, career path/major, business opportunity or an increase in your finances. your spirit guides want you to put yourself out there and say YES to whatever this message might be. you already have the motivation and desire for it, so it just requires you to take action and be confident in your choices in order to receive it. you might downplay yourself a lot or make self-deprecating jokes that ultimately put you in a lack mindset. i’m hearing “psh…yeah right. i doubt something as extravagant and nice as that would happen to me.” but why? whose to say what tomorrow will bring? your guides want you to lean more into your optimism and have faith in yourself, and understand that you truly deserve all the great things that are about to unfold in your life.

you know how to make light of situations, so use that to your advantage. i feel like you have a great sense of humor lol but be kinder to yourself okay? it can be really tough when life starts throwing curve balls at you, but it’s what you choose to make of it. as phil dunphy from ‘modern family’ said, “if life gives you lemonade - make lemons and life will be all like whaaaaat?!” so go out there and show the world what you’re made of!

pile two.

heyyy pile 2! i feel like you're coming out of a period of grief or a loss of some sort – a powerful transformation. i feel like this is more about letting go of a toxic mindset and freeing yourself from negative energy/situations rather than on a physical level. for some of you, a loved one could have recently passed or a connection you had with someone ended but i think it’s more so that you’re in a period of transition and starting to accept things for what they truly are. you’re no longer letting anything or anyone hold you back. you’re gaining momentum in your life path, and your spirit guides are so very proud of you!

they see how much it’s taken you to get to this point in your journey. it’s taken a lot of patience and discipline, but you’ve persevered and made it through - and for that you will be rewarded. i feel like you’ve been trying to manifest a change of some sort…whether that be physically moving out, going on a vacation/traveling, going out more or just a genuine change in your everyday life; i’m happy to say that you will be receiving that! you’ve been slowly but surely focusing on yourself and nourishing your mind, body and soul. you’re now starting to realize that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to…you might be seeing a lot of signs/confirmations like angel numbers, repeating patterns, symbols or animals.

you’re starting to realize that surrender is key - not everything can be in our control and sometimes that’s a tough pill to swallow but that’s just the way of life and it usually works out in our best interest in the long run. a flow of abundance is on its way to you. you can manifest anything you want in this lifetime, it just comes down to your mindset and the power of your words. continue to be at ease and let your actions speak for itself, you don’t have to prove or explain yourself to anyone. you’re on the brink of success and it’s coming in fast, just make sure to always stay grounded and remember where you came from. heavy is the head that wears the crown; you know what you’re capable of and what you deserve so don’t let the pressure and weight of life hold you down. keep moving forward, it’s all going to work out in your favor.

pile three.

pile 333 i just wanna give y'all a hug 🥲 y'all are really going through it right now. heavy water sign energy. do y'all have any pisces, cancer or scorpio in your chart? i get the sense of someone laying in bed…just staring at the ceiling like why? why me? you're trying to process a lot of intense emotions and center your energy, but it's taking a toll on you right now. you feel very alone and and unsure if you can talk to anyone about this. not even trying to be funny, but yeah it's giving existential crisis barbie.

if you've seen the ‘barbie’ movie, you know the scene where barbie just gives up and lays down flat on the ground and they're like "she's not dead. she's just having an existential crisis." 😃 real AF but no no no you gotta quiet down your mind. you can 100% feel and process your way through these emotions, but don't let them take control over you and make you feel like you’re doing something wrong or like you’re not doing enough ��� release that negative energy! i feel like your mind is going a mile per minute, and you can’t even form a rational thought without getting upset. in terms of your manifestation, i feel like you’re really craving love right now. you’re ready to go out there and bag the person of your dreams, but your guides just want you to first take this time to quiet your mind and trust in them & second believe that love is going to find you no matter what. don’t force it…don’t question it — believe it.

you could’ve had a couple of instances where you thought it was the real thing, but it turned out to be really disappointing and not what you wanted. that’s your spirit guides telling you that you can’t force it. this new relationship will find you naturally and it will be everything you’ve ever dreamed of plus more! this person will not only be your lover, but they’ll be your best friend and your confidant. you will feel absolutely liberated and comfortable to take on any challenge with them by your side. however, you need to let this wave of emotions pass and understand that what’s meant for you will NEVER pass you. you got this my pile 333's 🦋 it will be in reach soon.

[sobstea]

Dr. Stone & their flowers

I don't usually give a rant about merch but need to spread what might possibly be the best and most thought through merch of any anime, any media, ever.

And that is the Dr. Stone botania series.

What makes this merch so amazing is that whoever chose the flower for each character. did. not. miss. it’s impressive and frankly filled with way more effort than they were likely payed for. This is assuming that anyone actually put thought into the flower meanings. But once you see their meanings it’s hard not to think some genuine intention was put into this.

(Also the flowers weren’t listed so I made some guesses on what they were so if you think it’s something else, please let me know)

Francois: Petunia

Desire and Hope

Francois much like her master desires and hopes for a future of greed (justice).

Hyoga: Hydrangea

Honest emotions, persevering, vanity, boastfullness

There’s definitely and air of confidence, though it’s not misplaced. He’s a strong fighter with smart strategies. He’s also rather blunt and doesn’t waste his time, mind, or care.

Ukyo: Gerbera

Innocence, purity, cheerfulness, beauty

Ukyo greatest wish going forward was no one dies. It’s an ideal that one might view naive and unrealistic. There’s an earnest innocence to it, that everyone around him respects.

Ryusui: California Poppy

Peace, pleasure, hope, resilience

Ryusui is a force of passion and desire. Even in his greed there’s still a benevolence to him. Dropped in a new world, faced with a new challenge, he is focused on moving forward, for his own desires of course.

Suika: Sunflower

Faithfulness, worship, adoration, loyalty

Who else but the great detective and Senku ishigami’s apprentice to embody the first flowers she saw without the fuzzy sickness. She is continually a member the team can depend upon. Not only that but she looks up to everyone, especially Kohaku and Senku.

Chrome: Sage

Wisdom, thoughtfulness, health

Even though he may not be viewed as such he is still incredibly smart and capable. A skilled adventurer, geologist, and scientist. Not to mention his determination to help cure ruri.

Gen: Clematis

Artifice, ingenuity, mental beauty

The employee who chose this was laughing their ass off, slapping their knee, high-fiving their coworker. For those who don’t know, artifice means trickery, cunning, craftiness. As the king of bastardry, the shallow mentalist fits this flower perfectly. His persuasion and physcoanalysis have been a great asset to the kingdom.

Kohaku: Hibiscus

Beauty, charm, youth

She is beauty, she is charm, call her lioness and she’ll cause bodily harm. All seriousness she brings such strength and heart into the group.

Senku: Olive blossom

Peace

I can’t express how emotional this made me. No qualities of ingenuity or wisdom. Not even desire or passion we’re listed. It’s pure and simple, peace. So straightforward I think Senku would appreciate it. Science is his passion and his method towards it. He ultimately wants a world of science, of peace

[traumacatholic]

Something that really helped me, and might help you too, is the realisation that it's okay that you can't quite relate to how other people enjoy the faith. There's going to be things that are seemingly super popular, that you can at best trudge through. It doesn't mean that you're doing the faith 'wrong'. And if you look in the stories of the Saints, lots of them had the same issues - they struggled with praying the Rosary (or prayer in general), they struggled with being attentive during Church, or whatever else you're struggling with. Cling to what you do like and love about the faith, and be gentle with yourself about the things you struggle with. Persevering with important things in the faith is good and worthwhile, but please don't be too harsh with yourself and let it detract from your relationship with God.

[simonsrosebud]

I have such a huge space in my heart for Nicky Hemmick.

No, his actions of kissing neil are not excusable. I know that, but his past strikes a cord that is heartbreaking.

Nicky Hemmick, who was shunned and cast out by his parents for who he loves. Who was sent to a gay conversion camp, most likely forced to be with women, and then pretended to be straight and date women just to appease his parents. Who tried so hard to reclaim his parent’s love and was so lost and lonely and empty that he wanted to end it all. Who escaped to Germany just to get away and finally found love and acceptance.

Who gave up the life he worked so hard for to raise his two vulnerable cousins at nineteen years old. Who, instead of going back to Germany, joined them for 5 years in college just so they’d go in the first place.

Nicky, who despite his faults and nosiness, treats Neil like family and tries so hard to get in with the upperclassmen. Teaches his cousins German. Worked two jobs to stay afloat. Bought them a home. Was mugged outside a club. Stands up for the twins despite how they’ve treated him in return. Has faith that his mother may love him if he just shows her how well he’s doing. Who lets Aaron get away with his mean comments and puts up with Andrew’s violence when he could easily drop out and go back to Germany if he really wanted.

Some people see Nicky’s background as lesser when comparing the Foxes, but Nicky was drug through hell and then willingly went back for the twins. Nicky has persevered.

[yahumankdj]

LaDs Flower Analysis

Because I am such a loser when it comes to flower meanings and symbolism and feel the need to apply it to everything I write and look into it with obscene detail.

This isn't a flower analysis on flowers that represent them, but the ones I could see in game and wanted to talk about how they represent them~ This is mostly my interpretation and research - feel free to correct me ehehe...

(Finished writing, phew, this is PACKED with angst, sorry gang + SPOILERS FOR THE BOYS’ MYTHS.)

Xavier - Forget-Me-Nots

Alright, firstly my favourite eepy boy, and his is pretty self-explanatory, but obviously I will use any excuse to talk about him. Simply, they mean 'don't forget me' or 'I will never forget you', and in the context of Xavier's myth that is so devastating for me... He's seen so much, his existence has been one linear timeline of memories and a shattered sense of identity, it's ironic in a sense. He wishes for MC to remember him, but does that 'him' even exist anymore? That thought probably runs through his head every moment.

Another meaning is humility. Xavier has grown into a person who is willing to put his needs second to MC's, he would do everything to protect her. It might seem like modesty when he doesn't talk about his own abilities but I wonder if it's because he truly doesn't see them as anything worth mentioning... Simply something necessary. This goes hand in hand with the meaning of resilience, with how much he's survived and lived through over the years crafting his mild personality. He's used to surviving. Living without much meaning, besides doing what is necessary to see the girl he loves.

You think I'm done hurting you yet? They're also commonly used to represent soldiers lost at war. (Like Xavier's sense of identity. Crying yet?)

They also represent faithfulness and loyalty. Oh Xavier my quiet loverboy, I love you so much it hurts.

Rafayel - Red Spider Lillies

You really can't think of Rafayel without mentioning love and tragedy. Across East Asia, the meanings kind of differ. In Japan, it's commonly a sign of death, love, loss and how fleeting life is in the grand scheme of things. Considering how Rafayel obviously isn't human and has a long life time, this is pretty representative of all the suffering he's gone through. One phrase I saw while researching stood out to me, 'the beauty that can be found in decay'. If that isn't the most Rafayel thing I've seen, I must hate flowers. Rafayel has caused so much death, so much chaos in pursuit of true love, he probably weighs the consequences in his head everyday. True love at the cost of sacrifice upon sacrifice, hurt upon hurt. His centuries of pain eventually lead to his true love. His happiness.

Red Spider Lillies are a poisonous, toxic flower that represents so much love and beauty it hurts. How fitting.

The positive side here is that they can represent new beginnings. Rafayel coming clean to MC about the past and finally letting go of the agony and regret is the only way for the true beauty of his love to grow from the decay of his homeland.

Caleb - Crabapple Flowers

CALEB MY SHAYLA, off the bat they literally symbolise enduring affection and love. Ugh. Just kill me why don’t you. They have the general message of new beginnings, however the fruit of the flower is so enduring it can ladt through the hardship of winter to enjoy spring and blossom. I could make a better metaphor for Caleb’s situation if I tried.

Particularly Chinese crabapple flowers are intrinsically linked to marriage and romance, leading to peace and a long life… Which Caleb better have after exploding so much bloody times. Just like crabapple flowers, Caleb has so much love for MC in him that it endured through countless unimaginable hardships, despite it hurting him, like how winter kills flowers, yet he persevered.

Also, not to like encourage the Caleb smut writers or anything but uh, crabapples are a major symbol of major fertility and reproduction. Do what you will with this knowledge.

Sylus - Daturas

This is the red flower seen in his dragon myth card, although they took some extreme creative liberties with it - it looks more like red Lillies than anything. Daturas are what they actually are, and how fitting they are, being known as the ‘Devil’s Trumpet’. While Sylus’ whole demon imagery, it’s fitting.

The datura flower deals with themes of beauty and death. It’s extremely poisonous to the point of being deadly, but you can’t help but admire its pure beauty. It reminds me of Sylus because most judge him from what they’ve heard about him (like how we hear the flower is poisonous before even seeing it). However, when you get to know him, it’s clear his love is as pure and adoring as the innocent beauty of the flower.

The flower also has effects of delirium and hallucinations, usually used in rituals to symbolise transformation. This screams Sylus’ childhood, how he discovered his own identity and was hated for it.

On a cool note here, they’re an infamous flower, playing major roles in culture and religion - particularly Hinduism (we see you polyglot culture lover Sylus) and is a symbol of power. Something to be taken caution to. It’s a perfect representation of him, something terrifying, holding power to dominate, yet if you ignore those aspects there’s a beautiful pure love underneath.

Zayne - White Jasmines

Our K-drama male lead Zayne has the most positive flower here. He honestly deserves it, he deserves all the happiness tbh, poor guy. After timelines of suffering having a flower that has no negative connotations is the least he deserves.

Jasmines, generally, are a symbol of love, purity and romance with a new couple. White jasmines in particular put emphasis on new love between a couple, and the purity of the romance. As well as new beginnings, which we all know Zayne has had too many of those across his lives. It’s a giant indicator of peace as well, used to celebrate a new chapter in love. Considering all of Zayne’s suffering, the innocent love of white jasmines is the least he deserves.

It’s quite straightforward in regard to this flower, I hope this is representative that Zayne will find happiness with MC in this timeline… They deserve best :(

[plotbunbun]

أَحَسِبَ ٱلنَّاسُ أَن يُتْرَكُوٓا۟ أَن يَقُولُوٓا۟ ءَامَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ -

Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test?

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا۟ ٱلْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ ٱلَّذِينَ خَلَوْا۟ مِن قَبْلِكُم -

Do you think you will be admitted into Paradise without being tested like those before you?

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا۟ ٱلْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَعْلَمِ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ جَـٰهَدُوا۟ مِنكُمْ وَيَعْلَمَ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ -

Do you think you will enter Paradise without God proving which of you ˹truly˺ struggled ˹for His cause˺ and patiently endured?

مَّسَّتْهُمُ ٱلْبَأْسَآءُ وَٱلضَّرَّآءُ وَزُلْزِلُوا۟ حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ ٱلرَّسُولُ وَٱلَّذِينَ -

ءَامَنُوا۟ مَعَهُۥ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ ٱللَّهِ ۗ أَلَآ إِنَّ نَصْرَ ٱللَّهِ قَرِيبٌۭ

They were afflicted with suffering and adversity and were so ˹violently˺ shaken that ˹even˺ the Messenger and the believers with him cried out, “When will God’s help come?” Indeed, God’s help is ˹always˺ near.

وَمَا تَفْعَلُوا۟ مِنْ خَيْرٍۢ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِهِۦ عَلِيمٌۭ -

And whatever you do of good - indeed, God is certainly Knowing of it.

Verses quoted, in order: Chapter 29, "Al-Ankabut/The Spider", verse 2; Chapter 2, "Al-Baqarah/The Cow", verse 214; Chapter 3, "Ali 'Imran/The Family of 'Imran (Father of Mary)", verse 142; Chapter 2, verse 214 again; Chapter 2, verse 215.

Translation used: Dr. Mustafa Khattab's The Clear Qur'an, slightly tweaked.

"The Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم was asked which of the people are tried most severely, he didn’t say it was the oppressors, tyrants, Fussāq, sinners, or Kuffār. He said “The prophets.” He said, “The prophets and those who come next to them, then those next to them.” He صلى الله عليه وسلم made it clear that a man is afflicted and tried according to his Īmān. If his Īmān is firm, then the trials are more severe.

— Shaykh Ahmad Musa Jibril

[deuteragonists-mismatched-socks]

A Break In Routine - Shane x Reader (Stardew Valley)

Another Shane SDV fic from my drafts with a couple strange gaps in it.

Warnings: mentions of recovering from alcoholism, being imperfect, guilt and self-loathing to a certain extent. Alcohol.

Word Count: 1.4k

Shane wasn't stupid. He knew you knew that. He noticed that, the closer you got, especially after that night on the cliff, you changed. Not so much in the way you dealt with him—you were kind and persevering as ever.

You stopped brewing. He had been out to the farm before, you had like ten kegs and an evergreen crop of hops and wheat to fuel them. And Shane wasn't stupid—he'd almost gone broke from buying the stuff before, so he knew it was lucrative. You'd have to be crazy to give that up. Farmers had it rough, especially ones that worked as hard as you. Having such an easy source of passive income should've been a no-brainer.

Oh, and you stopped bringing him alcohol. You were a social drinker—he'd seen you share Kahlua-and-coffee martinis with the good doctor or bond with Leah over a sweet red. But when it came to Pam and him, you were only ever seen with soda and some filling food in hand. He wondered if you thought he wouldn't notice. If he was too out of it or too naïve.

You visited JojaMart sometimes—normally just to check on him, never to buy anything—and you always had a tense look on your face whenever he was stocking the drinks section. That, that one actually hurt. Yeah, he had bad habits. He was working, only half successfully, on breaking them. But that made him think you really thought he had no self-control. That he was going to wander forward like a zombie and mindlessly rip into the Jack Daniels and Bud Lite. He shouldn't be trusted super far, but he thought he at least deserved the sliver of faith that would be required to believe that wouldn't happen.

That was what he was thinking about as he sat next to the fireplace, cola in a stein in his hand. See, he was doing better. He wasn't used to being fully lucid at this hour of the night, but he was getting there. It was significantly more uncomfortable, sitting there in silence when he wasn't half-catatonic. Everyone else was having a great time. Even Marnie was having a... whoa, beyond friendly conversation with the mayor. Hell, where were you, anyway? You were always trying so hard to make sure he wasn't alone, and now you leave him alone? Maybe he deserved it for all those times he blew you off.

"Hey!" You suddenly appeared in his line of vision. Suddenly, even completely sober, he couldn't sort out his feelings. He was grateful to you for watching out for him; he obviously couldn't do that himself. He was annoyed that you infantilized him. He was confused that you put up with him. Why didn't you just cut loose and stop holding yourself back for someone who has done nothing but screwed over their own life?

"What are you doing here?" Shane said. Crap. That wasn't what he meant to say, not at all. He meant to say 'Why do you stay? Why do you care? I'm not worthy of you.'

Your face fell and Shane needed a drink or six. "Trying to hang out with you," you responded, your voice edged with anger and sadness. "I was—y'know what, I'll leave you be, I just wanted to give this to you."

You held your closed hand out expectantly, and he obliged with an extended palm. 

You dropped a pearl into it.

"Wha—" his mouth dropped open in disbelief. "Oh, wow, Farmer, how did you know this is my favorite?"

You were already gone. He checked the clock on the opposite wall. Well, it was already 12. Maybe you just wanted to get a good night's sleep. He hoped that was all.

But Shane wasn't stupid.

When you exited your house at 6:10 AM sharp the next morning, you almost tripped over him before noticing that Shane was sitting on your steps. This was a huge break in his routine, and it worried you. "Shane? What're you—" You stopped yourself, realizing that you were parroting his words from the previous night. 

"I didn't mean what I said," Shane said abruptly. His murky brown eyes looked into yours with absolute earnesty, and you noticed something rather special about them. They weren't teary or red-striped. He wasn't hungover, at all. 

Your brow furrowed. "About what?"

"About—about... just, how I treat you, y'know. Always blowing you off and acting like you're not worth my time. I know it should be the other way around," his gaze dropped to the ground and he scuffed his foot against the wood of the front steps.

You lowered yourself to sit next to him, knees nearly touching. Time always seemed to stand still when you spoke to him—the sun was stuck in the sky, and you weren't worried about what you were going to get done that day.

"What do you mean, Shane?"

"You know what I mean, Farmer," he said, before exhaling and rubbing his hands on his pants. "I just... I'm not... good enough, for you. I'm a, uh, flash in the pan, I guess. What I'm trying to say... is I'm sorry," he sighed, risking looking up at you again.

Your eyes seemed to look through him. "Shane," you said gently. "You're good enough, for me, for anyone," you emphasized. "And I... do understand why you say the things you do, and they are unfortunate, but I appreciate you recognizing that and apologizing."

Shane looked from your piercing eyes, to your hand that was resting on your knee, centimeters from his, back to your eyes. "I'm trying. Really trying."

You took his hand, and his heart rate spiked. "I know you are, and I know that Marnie and Jas and I really appreciate it."

"Yeah," Shane whispered. Part of him felt guilty—that somehow, Jas wasn't enough to straighten him out. But he was grateful that somehow, you were.

Your thumb rubbed the back of his hand,  comforting him further. He wondered how you could stand touching him. Even after that touching speech, he had a hard time believing you. Even if his personality, his character, was something you seemed to admire, which was beyond him on its own, look at him. He had gained... a number of pounds in the past eight months, he shaved maybe every three days, despite getting a five o'clock shadow by the end of that day. His hair was a genuine disaster, even though Marnie refused to admit it. He was physically clean (most of the time), and that was basically where the pros stopped.

"Thank you so much for coming over here this morning, Shane," you said. Shane had to suppress a shiver at the way you said his name. It didn't sound the way anyone else ever said it. Maybe it was just his imagination. 

But he was more than happy to keep imagining it. "I can't tell you... how much it means to me, that you're reaching out and, and trying. In the most non-patronizing way, I'm proud of you."

He could almost feel tears welling in his eyes. "You're—you're proud of me?"

He hadn't heard that since high school.

"Yeah, of course," you nodded genuinely.

He laughed, almost in disbelief. "Thanks."

You let go of his hand, and Shane had the chance to experience a split-second of disappointment before you used your now free arms to wrap him in a hug. "You can tell me if this is okay or not," you said, your words muffled by his Joja jacket.

"It's okay," he responded quickly, trying not to squeeze you too tightly.

You pulled back, wondering for a moment if it would be going too far, before you decided to press a quick kiss to his cheek. You stood, walking off to water your crops. "I should probably let you go, you don't wanna be late for work."

Shane's face was all pink, and he nodded after a moment's delay. "Right, yeah, um...thanks for listening to me," he stood as well. "See you later."

You watched him take the path from your house into town, zipping up his jacket against the wind. He had patched the holes in it.

[deservedgrace]

thinking about how my faith was one of the last things to fall away after i walked away from the church

thinking about how i left with every intention of coming back, but i knew this place was killing me and would be successful if i stayed any longer

thinking about how the pain and trauma i endured in the church was never enough for the people there, how this place was in line with god which meant it must be good by default, how it couldn't be killing me, how even if it was killing me that must've been part of his grand plan

thinking about how much better it was to be dead and a christian than alive and not, how we take up our cross, how we must become martyrs, how we must sacrifice our pride, our sin, our human nature, our lives

thinking about how the church planned to bury me there

thinking about how all of them encouraged me to stay, how some of them tried to gently guide me back, how some of them told me explicitly and emphatically that i could not leave

thinking about how i left anyway

thinking about how i knew god was real but finally accepted, reluctantly, heartbroken, that i didn't want to be involved with him

thinking about how god still being real to me meant the nightmares of being dragged back were real to me, how the bone-crushing terror of knowing i'd damned myself to hell was real to me, how i failed the easiest open book test in the world, how all i had to do was accept the best gift anyone could give and i couldn't even manage to do that, how the grief and defeat and feelings of inadequacy for not being able to make it work when it was so damn easy were so deeply real to me

thinking about how i knew i could never be forgiven and daring to hope for it was pointless

thinking about how sometimes i hoped anyway

thinking about how i was convinced i'd instigated the wrath of the most powerful being in this universe and beyond, how just smiting me wasn't sufficient, how i deserved to suffer, to burn, to be tortured for all of eternity for the crime of walking away from something that was eating me alive

thinking about how i persevered anyway

[flawdchaos]

Cheering Logan up after the Miami GP please

my heart broke for logan during the miami gp :( a dnf during his home race is gut wrenching. he deserves a big hug and to catch a break.

“Log?” you spoke, hand raised to knock against his drivers room door. “Logan, honey?” The moment you saw the contact from Magnussen your heart dropped to your stomach. This was supposed to be his race. Given the rough go at the season he had so far you had faith things would be different this go around.

All you could do was shift your weight between feet as you continued to wait for him to open the door. When you finally heard the rustling on the other side, the only thing you could hear was the pounding of your heart. The door cracked opened slowly and a mop of blonde, disheveled hair was the first thing you saw. Sniffles filling the air. You quickly pushed the door open and closed it behind you, the last thing either of you needed was cameras and reporters in your face.

Logan sat on the edge of the small couch with his hands tangled and pulling in his hair. “I’m a fucking idiot. So fucking dumb. I should have seen him, I should have defend-” Before he could continue you were kneeling in front of him, grabbing at his wrists to pull them away from his head.

“Log, look at me for a second.” his eyes glued to the table in front of him. “Logan.” you said firmly, pulling his hands down to rest between your bodies.

“Do not beat yourself up. You have been fucked over one too many times this season and yet, you have persevered and worked your ass off. You are talented and above all, you make me proud. No matter where you are on that damn grid.”

He finally pulled his eyes away and connected his gaze with yours. “Do I really make you proud?” As soon as the words left his mouth you were moving to sit beside him, pulling him into your body to hug him. “Yes, yes you do. So proud.” you murmured, raking your hand through his hair.

“I love it here.” he spoke, words hard to decipher because his face was smushed against your body.

“In Miami? This weather is pretty great, not as rainy and warm. I could get a tan and -” It was his turn to cut you off. “Not Miami, I love being in your arms.”

You knew that he would be beating himself up for days, no matter the circumstance, but you also knew that all you could was hold him and talk him down from the self sabotage.

[ceratedfish24]

*raises hand* I'm always up for scottho thoughts

Scott and Etho have been through such similar conditions, but Scott, despite the betrayal and the heart break and the grief, is relentlessly kind, honest, emotionally vulnerable, and always allows himself to live somewhere nice. On the other hand, Etho has been taught to be so distant and guarded even around his own teammates as a result of all of the betrayal and in-fighting and why is any of this even worth it? We’ll all be dead soon anyway. Why should I bother being loyal to the people I like as opposed to the people who I have faith in?

But there was a turning point, wasn’t there, in Wild Life.

Scott doesn’t care about winning. He’s done it before, and he doesn’t care to do it again. He cares about using the time he has to give the people around him the easiest life possible. He cares about loving his teammates and even people who aren’t his teammates. Etho joined the Gs expecting to have to prove his worth, expecting to have his value measured and tested over and over again. When he brings this up, he can’t hide his surprise when Scott immediately responds with “we don’t kick people out [for not being ‘good enough’]”, especially considering that the Gs are a very capable team of people who tend to be quite the try-hards.

I really do think that Scott’s immediate displays of vulnerability towards Etho are what turned Etho from the Family. I would not have been shocked if Etho had chosen to be loyal to the Family just cause, I mean, cmon, we all kind of knew they were going to win. They were Etho’s best bet, and that’s just how the game goes. However, I think Scott’s relentless kindness was a gentleness that Etho has never really experienced in the Life Series. That’s not to say that no one’s ever been kind to Etho in the Life Series, but Scott makes it seem so easy. Most people, if you ask “will you kick me out if I’m not a great teammate”, they’ll go “n- well, maybe. It depends. Define ‘not a great teammate’”, but Scott was so fast to respond with “what? No, never. You are worth more than that.” There’s almost always an edge to the things people say in the Life Series, because everyone’s a little on edge. However, Scott is so affectionate and sincere. I really think that Etho finally experiencing it first hand was what solidified Etho’s loyalty to the Gs.

Where Etho asks himself “does it matter to be kind in a world of such impermanence?”, Scott will always answer “it matters because it happened, not because anyone remembers it”. Scott’s unconditional love provides so many opportunities for growth on Etho’s end. He’s the only soft place to sleep that Etho has had in years. His kindness inspires Etho’s loyalty and respect even more than his capability for violence.

On the other hand, I really think that Etho personally appreciates Scott like no one else. Whereas Scott’s usually band of friends are so used to him, Etho has so much respect and love for Scott, so much fondness for the ways in which Scott’s kindness has persevered. No one has treated Etho with the same unconditional compassion as Scott has, and I think that Etho is amongst the first to give Scott a space where Scott is allowed to be himself. To Etho, Scott is never “too much” or “too dramatic” or “too sassy”. Scott’s kindness and gentleness is worth infinitely more to Etho than personality neutrality ever could be. I think Scott has spent too long begging for affection from people who used to love him, who he still loves, and Etho returning Scott’s unconditional love would come as a surprise to Scott, who I think goes under appreciated a lot of the time. I see a lot of relationships where Scott is just giving and giving and giving and never filling his own bucket, and I don’t think Etho would let him do that.

The things that they could teach each other about each other and the reciprocation of fulfillment despite having fairly different needs is such a dynamic aspect of their relationship that so deeply entrances me. They’re such different people with such different world views, but their fondness for each other leaks into everything they have to say to and about one another. I think it’s so beautiful when people who are so different love each other so much.