#perpetuating the abuse cycle of the victim blame but also

[genshinimpactgirls]

Je t′aime, je t'aime toujours

[genericpuff]

There's something that pisses me off in the latest released chapter of LO and that's when Hades says he "forgives" Kronos and says he's doing it so he can heal himself. It's same rhetoric you hear from people who victim blame, telling you that you need to forgive your abuser for your own sake... but the hell would it be for your own sake when you didn't do anything wrong?? Even if you blame yourself for things your abuser did, that still doesn't mean you have to forgive your abuser!!

Someone (in the UnpopularLoreOlympus subreddit, I believe) made a great comparison that Hades forgiving his abusive father is more so just a way for him to forgive himself. Because let's face it, a lot of what Kronos has been responsible for, Hades has also perpetuated in his own cycle of abuse towards others, like Minthe, Alex, nymphs and satyrs in general... and Thanatos, his own adopted son who he still barely acknowledges despite the narrative wanting us to believe that they've "recovered". So by forgiving Kronos, it's more so just him forgiving himself and saying "yeah it's fine that I'm an abusive sack of shit teehee"

This complete lack of self-awareness is to the point that you could replace the Episode 217 dialogue between Hades and Thanatos with the dialogue between Kronos and Hades from 275 and virtually nothing would change.

And if you don't believe me, well...

And considering the current FP literally has Persephone say to Apollo "I've done terrible things but it doesn't matter because you have to be punished", I think it's safe to say that, at least in her writing (because I obviously can't speak on behalf of whatever she may or may not have gone through in life) Rachel has zero awareness of what it really means to be a recovering victim of abuse.

She definitely loves writing characters who are unironically abusive and think they're not, though.

[perseidlion]

There's been some discourse going around that tries to connect Neil Gaiman writing about problematic things and him being awful to mean that everyone who writes that kind of thing is also awful or should be placed under suspicion.

Correlation is not causation. You could just as easily blame the fact that he wrote about mythology and fairytales. It has the same amount of weight as blaming dark subjects.

The truth is, there have been tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of authors who write/have written about dark/problematic/complicated subjects who have never hurt a soul and who never will.

Now, you could say people who have endured trauma and abuse are more likely to write about dark subjects. I'm not positive but I think this bears out in statistics. But again, the vast majority of people who have suffered abuse and whose past abuse informs their writing do NOT go on to perpetuate that cycle of violence.

I know we all wish that predators were easy to spot. But if they were, they wouldn't be predators. They'd be criminals operating in broad daylight.

The disturbing fact is that truly bad people who operate for a long time are incredibly hard to spot. They survive by manipulating those around them into providing cover for them and carefully craft personas to make it difficult to accuse them of wrongdoing. They will also use fame and money as a shield and choose victims with the least ability to fight back.

Using what happened in your crusade against dark topics and your push for censorship in fiction is incredibly disrespectful to the victims and risks making writers part of a witch hunt.

It also makes it harder to spot actual predators because it perpetuates the idea that these people have easy tells. They do not. That's what makes them monsters.

In retrospect, can we pick out certain themes in his work that aligns with the allegations against him and hints at who he really was? Yes, but hindsight is 20/20. Someone else could have written about the same subjects and been a saint of a human being.

[pomefioredove]

i love ur character analysis posts .. whag do you think of azul . he gets written really ooc sometimes but u nail every character soooo

ALRIGHT. preemptive apology. this gets kind of depressing because I relate to azul on a personal level. I don't think about him as much as I should... so.

azul is driven by fear.

going through something traumatic, like bullying, or abuse, or isolation, or anything, can make you more bitter and resentful towards yourself than that which traumatized you. I have a tendency to blame myself for what other people do to me. not my actions, mind you, not something specific I said or did, but for simply being... me. I think azul works in a similar way. I think he hated himself, hates himself, for just being. and he punishes himself pretty harshly for it.

he's terrified of being the azul who was traumatized. he has this innate desire to kill and bury the him who was hurt, not because he doesn't recognize them, but because he recognizes them too much. he hates them. he resents them. he blames them. he blames himself, and so he punishes himself.

it's misleading. it feels like moving on, but all it really is is repression. and you end up doing a lot of things to yourself that you regret. I went through a pretty extreme version of this after I got away from my abuser. I forced myself to adopt a new personality, I moved, I even had my name legally changed. I also destroyed every single picture of me that I could find. it's coping but it doesn't help, not really, it just feels like running away. it's never enough and you always have this sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach that you will always be that person. weak, helpless, afraid.

living through something that takes your autonomy and shatters your sense of self, such as abuse, or bullying, makes you feel powerless. azul does what he does because he wants control. he wants to feel powerful. he wants to feel safe. he can never, ever be weak again, because he blames own weakness for making him a victim. he does not want to be a victim.

but his need for control ends up isolating him just the same, anyway. he's... sort of friends with the tweels, but not really, and he has no one else at NRC. he was so obsessed with not being at the bottom of the social order that he made his own order, put himself at the top, and is still lonely. he wants to be respected. he wants to be needed. but he doesn't want to be needy, no, he's so mistrustful and refuses to let himself rely on others to the point where he's still... alone.

"azul" becomes more of a brand than a person. everything about him is so meticulously crafted that he can't even breathe without lying. it's just second nature to him at this point. there's still a very scared and very sad child somewhere in him, and he is doing everything in his power to hide them. and it's exhausting to live as if you're always being judged. I think he lacks a sense of self.

he cannot be a victim. that's his whole personality. he refuses to even believe he was a victim. he moves from one extreme to the other, becoming someone who victimizes others, perpetuating the cycle. I think that victims find comfort in being bad people because it makes our trauma feel justified. we can't seem to accept that abuse happens for no reason, so we find new ways to blame ourselves. "I deserved it because I'm a bad person", but you're not, so you start doing bad things to make it feel like you are. it's about control. and it's all a facade.

I like azul. I wish the narrative would go a little further with him and this idea. I think he's a sweetie he just has such a deep-rooted hatred of himself that he's repulsed by the mere idea of letting his guard down.

I don't usually read azul fics so this all might be how people characterize him anyway, idk, I'm going off memory lol

[poopyloopy14]

HOW CHILDHOOD ABUSE IS REPRESENTED IN MYSTERIOUS SKIN:

The title itself introduces the main theme of 'opposites', it's almost an oxymoron as there is nothing generally mysterious about skin, everyone has it and we know a lot about what it is and how it works. But when your own body has been intruded by an external force, all of a sudden things such as your own skin become confusing and mysterious. It's as if you lose the right of ownership towards your own body, yet you'll forever have to live inside it. 'Mysterious' eludes to the journey of rediscovering aspects of yourself you thought you once knew. As now your body feels unfamiliar and is forever changed.

“People who remember court madness through pain, the pain of the perpetually recurring death of their innocence; people who forget court another kind of madness, the madness of the denial of pain and the hatred of innocence; and the world is mostly divided between madmen who remember and madmen who forget.” - James Baldwin

Victimhood: In the movie there is a boy named Neil, the one who remembers and one named Brian, the one who forgets. Both of which cause so much pain in their lives. I think the two different representations of how people , specifically children, deal with trauma is very accurate. Gregg Araki doesn't create a false narrative of survivor hood, from Neil's sex addiction to Brian's obsession with aliens, both mechanisms are developed in order for them to cope with what they experienced. Araki doesn't sugar-coat reality and create a stereotypical perfect victim, both boys act in ways that are frowned upon in society. But this reveals a truth, those deemed crazy and depraved or disgusting are more often than not survivors who's brains have twisted into unordinary places in order to cope. Especially in instances of childhood sexual abuse, through manipulation it is often kept a secret like when coach tells Neil "it's ok to like it", though Neil never expressed that he did. Although kids do start to like it as the predators like Coach make it fun such as in the cereal scene, this makes it even harder for the child to speak up as they feel apart of their perpetrator's shame.

To remember ( Neil) : Neil becomes hyper-sexual and does acts with older men for money, when he himself is still a teenager. This is almost a form of self-harm for Neil, putting himself in increasingly dangerous situations until he almost gets murdered. Perhaps he finds familiarity or a brief sense of ownership over his body by almost recreating what happened to him and convincing himself that he liked what was done to him, if he is a willing participant now he was a willing participant then and he doesn't have to bare the trauma of being a survivor. This is harmful as he is recreating his loss of innocence, he is believing Coach's words that told him he liked the intrusion. Neil himself says that no one has made him feel like Coach did, 'like I was special', many times victims become attached to their abusers. Stockholm syndrome is an unhealthy dependency and a distortion of reality. This illusion comes to a head in the end when he comes together with Brian, he learns that he wasn't special as abusers make you out to be, it could have been anyone.

Araki also depicts another tragic event which often is common with sexually abused children, he does this through Neil as he is the one to abuse Brian. In this scene he speaks to Brian the same way he was spoken to, and touches him in the same way he was touched. This further shows how the abuse is normalised and how Neil harbours his own guilt and contradicting feelings behind all his anti-social behaviour. This topic is tragic but very much based in reality, more often than not the abused becomes the abuser and it is a painful cycle, for everyone involved. Perhaps Neil's lack of self worth also stems from his blame towards himself, for enjoy the abuse and recreating it. He feels deep down that he deserves the abuse he enacts on himself and the abuse his 'clients' enact on him. While also trying to recreate the last time he truly felt special as he did with Coach.

To forget ( Brian) : However Brian instead becomes fixated on aliens, he subconsciously replaces his memories of abuse with memories of the supernatural or 'aliens'. This in itself is an effective metaphor to depict the feeling of abuse, as the the topic of aliens generally brings up emotions of intrusion, frightfulness and it is shrouded in mystery. Brian's brain went on memory lock down at an early age, many survivors are unable to remember what happened to them. This makes it harder to heal as they are confused and harder to tell people what happened as they are unsure themselves. Under the guise of Brian's need to find evidence for aliens, is the real need to understand and to understand something that is uncommon. Most people haven't seen sightings of UFO's in their lives, just as most people haven't been sexually abused as a child. Brian tries to find community for people who have witnessed UFO's although this only leads him to more pain as he is looking in the wrong place with the wrong people, he just doesn't know it.

Avalyn is an example of this, her sightings are also implied as being trauma based memories which the brain has created in order to protect the person from the pain of remembering. Especially on TV when she talks about 'missing time', she has chunks of her life she can't remember and this is usually due to trauma blocking them. Avalyn also seems to be stuck in a childlike state, those who experience abuse young sometimes struggle to grow up as they are stuck in time. When she makes sexual advances towards Brian he is in panic and never speaks to her again, though she didn't mean bad Brian discovered his genuine fear of intimacy. Unlike Neil who embraced it, Brian had developed an adversity towards it as subconsciously, engaging in sex may awaken those suppressed feelings and therefore memories he had protected himself from for so many years. Though he is only causing himself more harm as you can't heal from something you unaware of.

To understand : The final scene with Neil and Brian comforting each other on the couch is a powerful one. Both boys are able to understand what happened to them. As a survivor this is largely important and meaningful as something just as simple as understanding what happened and verbalising that it was your reality makes no space for secrecy, shame or denial. Being able to share it with another survivor who understands the sheer amount of pain you've experienced is also helpful. Together they uncover the 'mystery' of their skin. Although both boys find healing in different ways as they both coped in their own way, while Brian lays on Neil, Neil speaks. Neil finds healing in being able to name his pain in all seriousness, finally addressing the fact that he's a victim too, not a participant. Brian finds healing in being told what had happened to him which made him unable to live in denial. There is a sense of hope for healing as the boys are able to release themselves just a little more, from being trapped in the cycle of the past.

"I wished with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically... disappear.”

The concept of Brian and Neil being angels is a beautiful and sad one, they have experienced something which makes them unique to the regular human, they are alienated. But like an angel, they are therefore almost otherworldly or closer to heaven, given they've experienced depravities synonymous to death yet they live on. This also implies their purity as children, they have witnessed too much of the earth's sadness to be regular humans again. An angel is a tragic but also beautiful way to describe survivors.

[lightofraye]

Hi!

Oooooh boy. It’s a barely touched upon topic, so I’ll do my best to answer.

Despite what its name suggests, reactive abuse is actually a form of self-defense that some people take in response to the ongoing abuse.

“Reactive abuse” describes a moment where the victim reacts aggressively towards their abuser. The abuser often manipulates this reaction to shift blame and creates a false narrative of so-called “mutual abuse”. However, this behavior is self-defense, a response to ongoing abuse, and should not be equated with abusive behavior.

Signs Of Reactive Abuse

It’s challenging to recognize when you or someone else is in an abusive relationship. There are three stages to demonstrate what an abusive relationship with reactive abuse can look like.

Antagonism

The abuser deliberately provokes their partner, pushing them to react in anger or frustration. It may not seem harmful initially, but eventually can cause a person to hit their breaking point. A few examples of behaviors that can trigger reactive abuse:

Asking a personal or triggering question, especially around others

Posting or commenting on your social media in an intentionally triggering way

Intentionally violating your emotional or physical boundaries

“Forgetting” to do something intentionally

Baiting you into arguments and then belittling your reaction 2. Proof

Once the partner reacts, the abuser quickly seizes the opportunity to use this reaction as “proof” that the victim is the abusive one. This can involve recording the outburst on video, taking photographs of any physical responses, or simply recounting the incident to friends, family, or authorities in a way that frames the abuser as the victim. By capturing these moments of reactive behavior, the abuser constructs a narrative that supports their version of events and shifts attention away from their abusive actions.

However, abuse is fundamentally about power and control. The abuser, who holds the most power in the relationship, will use their partner’s reaction to manipulate and control the narrative. 3. Turning the tables

Turning the tables is a tactic frequently employed in reactive abuse. Here, the abuser shifts the blame onto their partner, claiming that the relationship problems or conflicts are due to the partner’s aggressive behavior. This tactic is used to deflect responsibility and perpetuate the cycle of abuse. By making their victim seem the primary aggressor, the abuser not only avoids accountability, but also reinforces their control over the narrative of the relationship. This manipulation can leave the victim feeling isolated, misunderstood, and doubting their own experiences of abuse.

Is there a difference between reactive abuse and mutual abuse?

In a word—yes. You might have heard the term “mutually abusive” to describe a rocky or tumultuous relationship, but experts agree that the concept of mutual abuse does not exist.

Can two people in a relationship exhibit unhealthy behaviors? Yes. The abuse stems from one person’s desire for power and control over the other person. In an abusive relationship, the abuser will purposely behave in a cruel, violent, demeaning, or invasive manner toward their partner to create an imbalance of power.

The victim may eventually react to that abuse, but that response is considered to be self-defense. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, signs that your behavior is in self-defense include:

You acted when you felt that your safety was at risk

You acted in a way to try and re-establish your independence

You’d like to change your behavior because you know it’s not who you are or healthy for a relationship

There’s a lot more information about it in these links, but this is the essential information.

Understanding Reactive Abuse: Signs and Solutions

What is Reactive Abuse?

Reactive Abuse: What It is and Why Abusers Rely on It

[youngtreetheorist]

Let’s be clear: the evidence doesn’t support her claims. There were no incriminating pictures from Drake’s side—only her reactions to his stories, and all the pictures were from her side of the chat. If Drake had done something wrong, wouldn't there be something more concrete on his part? Not only that, but Jane Doe herself admitted to Janet that she had multiple accounts. He blocked her after discovering her real age, and it was Janet who told him to unblock her. Why would he unblock her if he had something to hide?

As for the claims about them being alone, it doesn’t align with the witness accounts. The door was open all night, and people were coming and going constantly. How could Drake have assaulted her with that level of foot traffic? Unless he’s moving at superhuman speed, the logistics don’t make sense. One of the witnesses had known Jane Doe’s aunt for over 20 years and Jane Doe herself since she was a child. Why would this person throw away a 20-year relationship for Drake unless they were telling the truth?

Also, let’s talk about context. Drake's legal outcome was based on text messages, not physical assault. It’s important to understand that even if he made a mistake, he faced consequences, and he did his time. Now, continually rehashing this case with false accusations and half-truths doesn’t help anyone—especially not the victims.

And speaking of punishment, comparing Drake to Brian Peck is disingenuous. Peck served 16 months for far more serious crimes, but even he was eventually allowed to move on. Meanwhile, Drake got probation, which, by the way, is an outcome based on Ohio's legal framework for a text exchange. If we’re going to talk about justice, let’s remember that.

You also can’t ignore the harassment and bullying happening online in the name of “justice.” At what point do these actions become their own form of abuse? People need to reflect on their behavior: if you’re stalking and harassing others online, are you any better than the predators you claim to be exposing? This is about the kind of toxic behavior we tolerate and perpetuate as a society. Everyone involved deserves healing, and that can’t happen as long as the cycle of blame and retribution continues.Drake Bell deserves the chance to heal, not continuous attacks. Redemption and a platform to move forward are essential, as he’s already paid his price. It’s time people move on and leave the past behind.

[sadistic-softie]

I hate being confrontational or preachy and I've never done it before, and frankly, it scares the shit out of me because I don't want people to think I'm mad at them, but I just need to get this off my chest.

I don't have NPD, but I'm so fucking tired of seeing bullshit CPTSD healing 'resources' that use 'narcissist' as a way to say 'abuser' or assume that all abusers are narcissistic and/or vice versa. Like...I wanna heal my trauma without seeing NPD people being thrown under the bus and stigmatized for something they have no part in. Like...wtf? Is that too much to ask for?? My CPTSD is not because of someones or anyones NPD. It never was and never will be. Apparently this is a hot take, but PTSD in general is not from anyones NPD. PTSD is from TRAUMA and or ABUSE. Apparently this is such a common misconception that even my father believes it. He said, "it's because she's a narcassist" after I talked to him about my mothers abusive behaviors to me. So, yeah...that's an awkward fucking conversation I might have to have eventually?? Narcissist is not another word for abuser. I'm saying this as a victim of abuse. Narcissist is not another word for abuser. Yes, it is possible that an abuser can just so happen to have NPD, but they could also have literally any other disorder and that would't be the cause of abusive behavior. NPD doesn't 'make' someone into an abuser. People with NPD are not all abusers. Not all abusers have NPD. These things are not synonymous. You can not blame abusive behavior on NPD. In my particular situation, my family has fallen into a cycle of abuse type situation, in which each mother was abusive to her daughters, causing the cycle to become seen as 'normal' in the family, thus perpetuating the cycle. An abusers actions are purposefully negative. Even if the intent is not explicitly to abuse or the abuser is not fully aware that they are being abusive. Each individual behavior is done with a certain intent. Manipulation tactics are meant to gain power over a person, constant invasion of privacy is done to control a person, constant belittlement and agression towards a particular person enforces an unhealthy dynamic, unwarrented and or cruel punishments, threats, pushings of boundaries are meant to train a victims actions and mindset, and I don't think I need to explain why physical violence is harmful. The list goes on. None of these abusive behaviors are symptoms of NPD nor fit the description of someone with NPD. These behaviors are abusive, end of sentence. It has nothing to do with NPD. The following are screenshots from a simple Google search (literally bare minimum research) defining Narcassistic Personality Disorder:

I'm sorry is this post overwhelms anyone. I don't want this to feel like a scolding and I really hope I don't sound like I'm trying to take a moral highground because I don't wanna make anyone feel like they're a bad person or anything like that. I know my wording and tone in this post is quite agressive compared to how I usually am, and I apoligize for that. I also wanna make it clear that this is not directed at anyone or any group of people in particular. Also, take this with a grain of salt too, as I'm not a professional in any field whatsoever and these are just my personal thoughts and frustrations. I hope you have a wonderful day if you're reading this and if you aren't. Thank you.

[chronicallylatetotheparty]

The way Felix "couldn't stand up to his abuser until AFTER he was already dead" Fathom is consistently victim blaming Adrien about not standing up to Gabriel.

Y'know, like a hypocrite.

To be clear this is criticism of Felix expecting something of other people that he never did. Not of Felix being incapable of doing so.

Also it's just not true? Adrien's first act in Canon is him rebelling against his father. Hell, his whole relationship with Marinette is a rebellion against his father!

Adrien is being literally mind controlled and he still finds ways to skirt around Gabriel's orders.

But none of it matters.

Because the writers threw out any semblance of moral ambiguity in favor of black and white storytelling.

That's why, after they decided to make Felix a "good guy" they desperately want to make everyone forget about the scene where he buys and sells slaves.

That's why Adrien isn't allowed to hate his cousin for impersonating him and creating Monarch and abuse enabling Gabriel.

Because the writers have decided that "Felix is right" and so by extension Adrien is "wrong". We can't have "family" cutting a toxic person out of their lives now can we?

And the fandom is only too happy to go along with this.

Because outright saying "sentimonsters are a slave race" makes them uncomfortable.

Because the fandom is all too willing to talk about how Adrien has to work at not perpetuating the cycle of abuse when he grows up. But for some reason refuses to engage with Felix's actions as doing just that.

Perpetuating the cycle of abuse. Not in the future towards some hypothetical children but right now to his own family.

Felix has already committed unforgivable acts. And that was before telling someone who isn't Adrien that you can mind control him using a piece of jewelry.

No it doesn't. Fucking. Matter. That he told Marinette/Adrien's girlfriend. That is still Not Adrien.

And to be quiet frank, is none of her fucking business.

I hate sentimonsters as allegory. I really do.

But this is like going up to someone's significant other and saying "Oh yeah he's queer."

[chaifootsteps]

I get Sam H are Viv are friends but I don’t like him either, when the allegations came out his best defense was to pull the fucking “well maybe you shouldn’t have led him on” defense and the “well that’s just industry” bullshit we’ve seen numerous animators pro/indie come out and say the industry is a fucking nightmare and how they were also used and abused because “that’s just the industry” He practically blamed the artists/animators for being lovestruck fans working for their idol and thinking she was their friends, and their fault for being too green in the Industry. Way to perpetuate the cycle dude. Also just because she “has the literally demeanor or a baby lamp” doesn’t mean shit when that’s literally how abusers appear to lure and trick victims.

Which is absolutely bullshit, by the way, the "too green" thing. Erin Frost had to endure so much of that one, but she'd been around the industry for a while.

Fuck Sam Haft.

[iheartbookbran]

I feel like with this whole Liam Payne situation and the resurgence of 1D content (which I’ll be lying if I said I haven’t been enjoying) it’s easy to forget what a real tragedy this is—because obviously I don’t know any of these men personally nor will I ever, but the 5 of them where still incredibly important to me in a very dark and yet very formative period of my life, and they deserve that recognition on my part at least. Growing up I very rarely thought about how the 1D members were very close in age with me, only a couple of years older, yet while I was living the last years of my childhood protected by my parents, they were literally plucked from their homes, overworked to the bone and thrown to the wolves.

Liam became an abuser and an addict, there’s no denying that, but it’s very hard for me to think that the boy I used to eagerly watch videos of everyday when I was a teen started off that way—and this isn’t me trying to put my nostalgia above the pain of his victims at all, I’m just pointing out how the cycle of abuse perpetuated by the industry can only end up ruining lives. Liam’s life absolutely did not have to end the way it did. Ultimately Maya Henry and the rest of his victims don’t deserve to be blamed for this, they should receive nothing but compassion and empathy from us, and so should Liam’s family, especially his son.

I think I will, bearing that in mind, allow myself to mourn Liam, and the girl I used to be and that he was such a huge part of. I can never be that girl again, I’ve lost and gained too much over the years to ever be her again.

I will also allow myself to mourn the rest of the 1D boys too, because while I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to them, they aren’t those boys anymore, the pedestal they used to occupy no longer exists in my heart, but a part of my love for them will always be there.

[sirdurbe]

i actually don't think you can fairly critique vrains without acknowledging the late-s2 retcons that happened to smooth over the complex moral issues the show no longer had the time nor inclination to dwell on. any attempt to discuss vrains' shortcomings that holds up how lightning is condemned by the narrative will always fall flat for me.

by blaming lightning for putting the virus in kogami, for instance, vrains could more easily establish queen as the sole evil within soltech, rather than make an actual statement on how corporations enable and perpetuate violence. in s1, the other chess pieces are regarded as other powerful figures within soltech; s3 changes it so that they're just shareholders, that way the no.2 in the company is akira of all people. capitalism isn't the problem - we just needed a nice ceo, even though akira's arc is cheapened by putting him in that role, imo, since everything was pointing toward his morals being in conflict with what he was being expected to do. now the ceo is a character we like and sympathize with first and a ceo second.

in a very similar vein, suggesting jin's trauma largely stems from lightning torturing her Extra™️ directly absolves the remaining scientists who participated in the experiment, because obviously jin would have been fine if not for lightning's nefarious intervention. and her traumatic memories are scrubbed from her brain with a mr. clean magic eraser at the end anyway. all the lost kids are fine! except the one dead one but that was basically lightning's fault anyhow.

and, yes, framing lightning as The Problem All Along - and writing (and rewriting) major plot beats to support that - inherently requires a lot of victim-blaming, which i would take issue with regardless, but which especially aggravates me in a story whose emotional weight is largely rooted in healing from trauma. regardless on your feelings on lightning as a character, that's a very bad look.

it's not to say lightning couldn't have or shouldn't have been an antagonist, because there's certainly a story to tell about the cycle of abuse, but that's not the direction vrains goes with it at all, and instead tells us point-blank the hanoi only attacked because of lightning's bad vibes - which kogami erroneously believed were All of the ignis' bad vibes. the implication is that lightning should've fessed up to being the sole bad egg and i guess Fucking Died so the others could live in peace. again. no matter what you think of lightning, that's horrendous. lightning's plans for humans are irrelevant at that point, because all of those came after.

it also rubs me the wrong way that lightning is portrayed a bit like a Bad Victim™️ because her responses to violence against her are to lash out and get aggressive, vs flame and aqua who are willing to listen to and work alongside the person who literally wants them dead, showing him that maybe, just maybe, they deserve to live after all. if he'll allow it.

anyway sorry not sorry my pronoun use is so inconsistent with canon, i transgenderized everyone 🏳️‍⚧️

[oh-honey-its-maxine]

So I wrote a review/analysis of Revolutionary Girl Utena on letterboxd and my friend told me I should post it on here, so here it is. I'll put the link to the review and I'll also paste it under the read-more for convenience.

This is my 3rd watch and boy do I have a lot of feelings. I really recommend people to read the Palace Perspective on archivesofourown.org. It's a very in-depth essay about the deeper themes of the show.

Anthy Himemiya is probably one of my favourite characters of all time. She's just a girl. She's been here from the start. She's not really here. She's an awkward teenager. She's at the centre of the world. She's a bird in a cage. She's an allegory for all the ways women suffer under patriarchy. From the first episode, before we know the truth of the rose bride, we see her be blamed anytime something bad happens to a male character. On the first watch she's seems to not have much personality, but once you have a better understanding of her and what she's been through she (and subsequently the show itself) becomes so much more interesting. You notice all the ways she exercises her agency, mostly to fuck with Nanami, and that's important! Because that's the point of the ending, nothing changed, there was no revolution. Anthy didn't suddenly become more powerful, Utena just showed her that she was worth being saved and so she saved herself. I'm going to give Akio a (rare) break and say he's not the one that started calling Anthy a witch, however he is the one that kept her in that coffin through abuse and manipulation and continually scapegoated her.

Akio is also interesting. For all intents and purposes, he was once a victim himself. Though it's debatable how much of the Himemiya's backstory is just metaphor, it seems he was once put on a pedestal and made to live up to impossible standard. But when he couldn't meet them, Anthy took the fall for him. Ever since then he's been stuck trying to regain his glorious past, and keeping Anthy stuck with him. Akio is the most miserable motherfucker, despite being the one with the most power. Probably because he surrounds himself with teenagers he grooms, and never makes any meaningful connection with anyone despite the respect he clearly has from other adults. In the end he's the one who is the most stuck in his coffin. He refuses to heal from the pain others caused him in the past, so all he can do is perpetuate the cycle and keep everyone else trapped. He talks a big game about wanting to "revolutionise the world" but when Utena was on the verge of making real changes, he panicked and tried to stop her.

Utena is a lot smarter than what people give her credit for. The cantarella scene, the rooftop scene, she does realise the harm she's caused Anthy without meaning to. She realises the duels are inherently harmful because they keep Anthy in her role of rose bride and at Akio & the duelists' mercy. The reveal in episode 34 is so important because it shows that it wasn't really about becoming a prince, it was about saving Anthy. It was always about saving Anthy. Utena was simply told that the way to save Anthy was to become a prince, but someone who believes in the system of princes, princesses, and witches cannot save Anthy. That's why Akio was never able to open the rose gate. All Utena had to do was hold out her hand, both literally and figuratively.

Nanami is also underestimated quite often I think. She's easy to dismiss in the beginning, just another anime mean girl with a big brother complex. However, as the show unfurls, you see how she plays into the show's themes. In many ways, Touga and Nanami are a future Akio and Anthy. You see then how Touga feeds into her brother complex purposefully to control her, especially when she distances herself and his advances become more explicit. Nanami being a parallel to Anthy is crucial in showing the cyclical nature of violence in RGU and how abusive behaviour is taught and passed down to the next generation. Even the "filler" episodes show her as an animal raised to be slaughtered and consumed by Touga, her fear of being alienated from Touga and how her whole sense of self centers around being Touga's little sister.

I could go on, every character in the show is so interesting. The ways they uphold patriarchal ideas, the ways they don't. How they all try to fit into this prince-princess-witch system and it hurts all of them, but still does more harm to the girls because it strips them of their agency. How that system prevents real love from flourishing, because it forces relationships with uneven power dynamics. To finish, big love to the Shadow Girls, the best modern take on the greek chorus I've ever seen. Always throwing shade (pun intended) at the characters in the most cryptic ways possible, except when they called Akio a miserable bastard to his face.

[gublersg1rl]

“Perfect victim” ideology

Tw sa, rape, grooming, and slight alcohol mention

(Also still on hiatus but couldn’t take not talking about this )

Since the Jake Webber and idkraven situation I’ve been seeing a lot of teenagers perpetuate this idea that in order to get raped or to be sexually assaulted you have to be a “perfect victim” I don’t blame preteens/teenagers for having idea in their heads because we see it all of the time in media. Examples of victims that people refuse to believe are amber heard or even gypsy rose blanchard. People can recognize that what they experienced was abuse but in their heads it’s not valid because they didn’t react the way a “perfect victim” would.

Once I saw an Instagram account that was dedicated to exposing e girls and while these were horrible people that watched gore and said slurs, there was this one girl who was a minor and the page called her slut for messaging older men. People have a hard time understanding you don’t have to be perfect to be a victim, you just have to be a victim. Sure the girl was not a good person but she’s still a victim of those men. A victim does not automatically equal a good person.

We see this a lot more in society than we actually think. Look at inmates in prison, tell me how many of them grew up with abusive parents, and then look at the parents and tell me how many of the parents grew up with their parents being abusive? It’s an on going cycle we refuse to even acknowledge let alone fix. That doesn’t mean that the inmates aren’t bad people, but it does mean they are victims.

Now getting back on track, it doesn’t matter how much Raven drank that night. It doesn’t matter how many times ravens said she’d been raped before. It doesn’t matter if you think Raven is a bad person. Victims aren’t supposed to be perfect.

[feralthembo]

I dont like how "pedophiles are sick people and not monsters under your bed and should be given access to care that wont get them put on a doxx list for people that want to kill them just to get a CHANCE at getting better" is a take that gets even leftists ready to doxx and/or kill you themselves. Yall yap about empathy but the moment someone needs help that you dont its off with their head.

"but they hurt people" the bulk of people who struggle with pedophilic thought patterns dont actually act on them. But even if they do. People who hurt people deserve a change to grow and do better. If you disagree with this youre just doing cop work for them so dont you fuckin dare tout acab.

The man who sexually abused me as a child never got help because he knew what the state would do to him if he rolled up to therapy like "hey i diddled my daughter how can i stop that". He told me himself that he never got help because of the nature of his problems and the societal response. He also told me, frequently, about the principal who grabbed his nuts because he was a special ed kid and nobody would believe him.

Because people dont just end up like this one day out of choice. Its something done onto them. Its a cycle. And when you refuse to allow people space to heal you are aiding in the perpetuation of those cycles.

Also while youre here its really hard from the victims perspective. I loved my father. I still do. It isnt a trauma response, he was just the only motherfucker i ever had consistently in my corner. It just so happened he also peeped my coochie because he "never saw a virgin down there before". I never told anyone about that until i was an adult because i was already in and out of states custody p early (bc i was a Bad Kid) and knew if i told anyone i would never see the one person in the world i knew loved me ever again. That my family would blame me for him getting locked up. That the most likely people to get me were either the state or my deeply abusive family that would have starved me on purpose.

I had no choice but to stay silent about my abuse. Not because of my father, but because of you "all pedos must die" freaks.

[cor-ardens-archive]

and at the end of the episode kendall is angry at roman not just because of the business (not really because of that at all), but because roman accused him of really hurting him. and kendall seems to genuinely believe roman enjoyed the dog pound "game", and he seeks reassurance from connor. when roman asks connor about it, connor lies and perpetuates the myth that roman enjoyed it and asked for it. but he admits to kendall that kendall "enjoyed it too" and that it was in fact a cruel game set up by logan to make the boys fight each other, to establish a hierarchy and keep everyone terrified and motivated to not be the dog who gets sent away. kendall hates hearing this, because he hates the idea that he's not any better than his father. i mean, to be clear, i do not blame kendall for what he did when he was a child, and i think forcing a child into abusing another is in itself also a form of abuse of that child. both kendall and roman were victims in that scenario. but kendall does likely feel guilty, and he hates that feeling, and takes it out on roman. you see that cycle in the boar game episode and basically all through season 2. he's under his father's thumb and being his "top dog" in order to protect himself (from being exposed about his involvement in that guy's death). he feels disgusted with himself, which in turn makes him even worse to others.