#perhaps ill stop for real
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LIPBITER™️
#oh dee#its a bad habit i know#dont look at that#look at these angel kisses on my face 😌#once i leave this desert and my everything isnt eternally dry#perhaps ill stop for real#ive stopped#biting my lips#at times#stress response u kno???#anyw#wa#anyways#trans#nonbinary#queer
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(trembling so hard my joints crack) this is the year of self care
#the heron speaketh#have been tearing myself fucking asunder between punishing myself for bad behavior vs trying to be patient and kinder#and i was on such a good streak the first week of the year. fucked it up real quick !#i am. resisting. so many harmful habits that it almost hurts worse than just letting myself spiral#this is awful. its so unpleasant lol#but ill get better at it. perhaps if i stopped isolating myself like a kicked dog that would help also but im just so good at that#2025 will be the year of being better at some point! at some point
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I DIDNT NEED TO SEE THESE AKI PICTURES OH MY GOD THE WAY IM LOSING MY ABSOLUTE SHIT OVER IT NOOOOOO
his chest... his big strong shoulders... his collarbones.... the way he's strong but lean at the same time... and the hair down too I. I won't be able to stop thinking about this
#haven't stopped thinking about it til I saw it and I feel it will be on my mind all night#perhaps all week too#I can't wait until I get my hands on the book so I can take more pictures#WHY DID THEY DRAW SHIRTLESS AKI DID THEY HAVE A SCENE OF HIM SHIRTLESS BUT THEY CUT IT#aRE WE GETTING SHIRTLESS AKI NEXT SEASON#ill cum. I will do it#can't even believe this is real I'm really not sane#ask mags#aki <3
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u know. sometimes i really truly don't understand why people choose the people that they do
#like. did u choose this person bc ooh they're so sillygoofycore just like me :3 ehehe :3 without actually likeee. knowing anything abt#who they are and their beliefs ¿¿ scratches head#bc ill see them saying (rlly stupid) things directly contradictory 2 what's an important perhaps even core belief of the friend in question#and im just wondering. u had to have known about this right#ugh ugh ugh. u cant just tell someone hey this person is annoying and pisses me off can u stop liking them can u stop hanging out#but god i want to#anyways. getting real tired of the rise of silliness we've had our fun can we stop hiding behind being just a little guy and start being#responsibile and using our brains again#op
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Zzzz. Working on chapter 7 :-ppp. Need to finish it before i post ch4 :-pppp. Dbsgrtf i love you but oh my god my writing muscles . being fucking trained … Two chapters of intense . The mood is fucked I can’t write this much combat .
#rat.op.tag#doesn’t help that my next Big Thing (that ill prob never get around to but I still like thinking about)#is fuckingn hungergames au bruhhhhhhh. I’m mad. (joke.)#anyways I’m discovering that the real issue is that I love writing combat and gorey shit its just gross. like I imagine myself as a reader#of this fandom reading this and go … oh perhaps the audience will not appreciate the mildly gratuitous gore spliced with horrible reference#stop that ander .#Anywyas I’m having fun and like what if written recently. Only now actually coming into techno’s voice n shit. Horrible embarrassing etc.#if I was doing a second draft I could make it so much better but genuinely fuck that. Too much work. Also I’m already posting it.#I love making a whole separate post in the tags of my post.#Okay its over. Thats all I had to say.#I have uni shit to do (oh god. Uni.)#rat.fic.tag
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so what if. and hear me out. i made my own au for shadowvanilla purposes-
au details below
HELLO SO I PRESENT AMNESIAC AU
so you see, i was minding my business, drawing and looking at cookies and how everyone has their own cool aus with awesome designs and i went "well im not very good at designing but i Love putting characters in Situations"
this au is mostly focused on shadowvanilla so dont be too hopeful I'll get into the other cookies besides their little circle, im ill for gay yaoi only okay
So! motions to comic above, amnesia smilk time! let me elaborate
Pure vanilla fucked up BIG TIME, in that he maybe ventured out to beast yeast alone to try and find out more about the beasts and a way to stop them, as people with a savior complex have a habit of doing. Maybe, perhaps, also at the same time, smilk was getting the workings of his new dough body done and sensing pv was nearby decided to take the opportunity to torment him a little, yknow he cant help himself! he needs to see him
a nasty little fight and confrontation in some old structures of smilk (or at the spire) result in pv using a strange spell he spotted in the surrounding papers and documents, and .... accidentally cracks smilk's soul jam! hehe, oops!
and also sealing his memories. double oops. damn, what are you gonna do now pv?
well he cant leave confused smilk alone here, and itd honestly be best the other beasts and dark enchantress dont drag him back there in this state, so he offers a hand.
"Come with me. We can help you, I'll make sure you're okay."
a memory-less smilk is confused by this but... he's already grabbing the other cookie's hand before he realizes it. It'll probably be fine, something about this cookie... makes something in him feel okay.
taps forehead, im still working everything out of course, and i WILL be cursing all of you with sketchy stuff about it when I'm able, i need more time to figure out smilk's behaviors without the soul jam and corruption
of course I'm always of the mind that pre-corruption smilk was kind of a rat and rude but how exactly is the real question!! how bad was it before the corruption exacerbated the negative qualities of knowledge and his personality
anyways,,, feel free to ask questions!! it could help me figure this all out, if yall are interested of course,,,,,,,my,,,, handful of crk followers SNRRKS
#pure vanilla cookie#shadow milk cookie#white lily cookie#gingerbrave#wizard cookie#strawberry cookie#crk fanart#crk au#amnesiac au#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#<- that is my end goal here guys the men are going to kiss#my drawbs#ALSO THIS WONT BE TOO ANGSTY AN AU#WE ARE A HOUSE OF HAPPY ENDINGS HERE IM SORRY I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS OR AT LEAST HOPEFUL ONES#but rest assured there will still be angst and conflict#as is a constant with liars#looks directly at pv
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Make your Whumpee tired.
Whumpees that have been deprived of sleep by Whumper, so much so that they don't remember how to walk in a straight line and can't figure out whether the recent appearance of little black bugs in their cell are real or a hallucination.
Whumpees that can't get a full night's rest. They doze off, only to be jolted awake by their own anxiety of not knowing when Whumper would come back. Perhaps they are awakened by phlegm-coated coughs induced by their illness. They are awakened by nightmares, or by Caregiver who is worried they may succumb to hypothermia, or by a thunderstorm, or the rough blanket scratching their open wounds, or so on.
Whumpees who pull all nighters to protect their friends or lovers.
Whumpees whose eyes burn when they finally can close their eyes. Whumpees whose muscles twitch, who can't stop yawning no matter how hard they try to stifle it. Whumpees with dark, glassy eyes. Whumpees who are slow to react or have a hard time keeping up with the conversation. Whumpees with throbbing headaches. Whumpees with brain fog and memory loss.
Whumpees who have been on the run and have over exhausted their bodies. Their muscles and joints continue to scream long after its over. Whumpees with extensive blood loss. Whumpees who are malnourished.
Whumpees whose survivor's guilt keeps them awake, wondering what they might have done differently, whether it was all their fault, or why they were the ones to live.
Whumpees whose bodies are in chronic pain or illness and who have to hide it, causing muscle and mental fatigue. They keep going with a smile until they collapse or pass out.
Whumpees who break down in tears, begging to be left alone so they can rest. Whumpees who sob when they are told that the bed in front of them is theirs to use whenever they want.
#whump#whumpee#whump prompt#caretaker#whump conditioning#tw sui implied#exhaustion#exhaustion whump#hypothermia whump#tired whumpee#injured whumpee#survivors guilt#malnourished whumpee#implied character death#implied character suicidality#tw bugs mention#hallucinating whumpee
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POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!
ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags
warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):
SESSION 1
whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan
ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass
only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit
my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs
hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????
omg a jedi and an evil jediii
omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately
i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight
WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO
i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful
I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown
i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve
everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???
my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen
huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine
ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK
ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits
googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip
SESSION 2
i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point
all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….
why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword
maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE
was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted
why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia
why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???
carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not
a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project
mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school
SESH 3
tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games
ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won
REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!
why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????
lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident
"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER
BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??
CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber
if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho
whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate
SESH IV: A NEW HOPE
'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo
LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU
thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary
UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE
someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes
all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch
YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but
cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council
why can everyone smell my force juju so strong
THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA
why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor
bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow
malak is like evil aang
revan is so much shorter than malak omg
are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan
poor mission ):
WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???
im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me
kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong
IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!
does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's
damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident
A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started
master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil
even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN
'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??
omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3
HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??
i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever
they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin
he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila
OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!
omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi
maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia
seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA
also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me
im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now
FSESH FIVE:
big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line
oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues
well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening
yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians
oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho
wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them
i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc
ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????
cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????
I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS
if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid
anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to
"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord
bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart
THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???
omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year
OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA
ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia
also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was
master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda
LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL
omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!
I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO
omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have
im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin
omg hyperspace from star wars
THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???
am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout
maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow
[kiwi accent] six
carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me
also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out
i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out
THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????
lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes
there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now
bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades
this isnt a combat system this is a missing system
I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL
nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties
why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission
this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl
i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon
MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????
but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE
so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie
great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills
bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY
ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever
omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem
#how long to beat says it's abt 29 hours so this is roughly a third (??) of the game???#talk is cheap#kotor#swkotor#knights of the old republic
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Dysphoria and Euphoria in Nimona
Honestly I think that Nimona such a raw and simple explanation of dysphoria and euphoria in the movie. It really moved me (both times now haha) when I watched it.
Firstly she talks about the discomfort and how to get rid of it:
But she doesn’t just stop there, she actually talks about the freedom of being herself!
Transness is so often limited to this horrible condition which afflicts you. This idea that you are a sufferer of dysphoria and nothing more. Transition, whatever that means to each person, is only done to treat this condition, alleviate the symptoms, mitigate the pain. The best you can hope for is a life without “itchy insides”.
But the way she talks about the freedom of the “sneeze” is more than just relief of the discomfort. It is a positive experience in it’s own right! Transition is not just some treatment, it is a joy. Pure joy. Euphoric.
To transition or to just be able to BE trans, is to be happier and freer than ever before. To be trans is a gift perhaps.
Then we get into the “option” of repression:
This one hit especially close to home for me. Maybe I could have survived without transition, that thought often caused me doubts in the early days. If I was even worthy of the “treatment” if my “illness” wasn’t severe enough.
Maybe, maybe.
But god it’s made me so very alive.
Our joy isn’t a crime. Our lives are not unworthy of happiness. It is not wrong to want real, beautiful, vibrant, chaotic, messy, unpredictable, stupendous, unashamed, overwhelming LIFE!
There is no obligation to hold ourselves back for the comfort of others. To not only inflict pain on ourselves, but deprive ourselves of joy because perhaps we could survive without the “cure”.
We are not defined by our suffering. It is not our pain that shapes us, It merely attempts to break us. We are defined by who we are in spite of it all, by the joy we us to build ourselves up, brick by beautiful brick.
#trans#transgender#lgbtq#gender#nimona#nimona movie#nimona spoliers#non binary#gender euphoria#gender dysphoria
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Safi saying "I hurt people." To which Max replies, "And I fixed it."
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Could write an entire essay about the insane dynamic Max and Safi have....
#what an INSANE thing to say omg.... twirling my hair and kicking my feet#i think an overlooked but rather prominent aspect of Max's personality is that her morality is quite maleable#(personally its my favorite aspect of her)#mixing with Safi's barely below the surface lack of morality#is such a potent concoction. like wow wow wowowowow. REAL toxic yuri here. an im THRIVING over it#that bit of the conversation almost felt like a test. safi testing max i mean#a test of loyalty. seeing just how far max would let her go.#especially since in that same conversation shes comparing them to literal gods. no not even comparing them#insinuating that they ARE gods#then to switch to “or... maybe monsters...”#honestly safi is obviously testing max MULTIPLE times and im eating it tf up#those moments where shes blanatly viewing herself as some great ethereal being suddenly flipping to but ohhh perhaps im baaaad.......#i know im being manipulated but idgaf. whatever my queen wants she gets <3#like YES ill stand by you while you leave to seek out more people like us for undisclosed reasons.......#like YES ill stand by you after you nearly killed everyone in this campus with your mind powers......#not only will i stand by you but ill reassure you that you didn't mean to#not only that but ill also tell you ILL FIX IT! EVERY GLASS YOU BREAK ILL SWEEP IT UP!#dont mind the microshard stuck between the floorboards.... surely they won't build up. surely no one will tread barefoot here#they love eachother but god is it in the most bizarre and unhealthy ways#safi's love is both conditional AND unconditional#max is obsessed. maybe its LOVE love and maybe its not. but obsession and infatuation are key components to her affections for safi#anyway ill stop talkin cause jm gettin carried away here.......#LIS#Life is Strange: Double Exposure#Safiya Llewellyn Fayyad#Max Caulfield#LlewellynField#[ RJ ]
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I’m curious, how much control do you think Viktor was in in season 2?
I have tried to analyze this but am honestly stumped. Because on one hand it is clearly his intentions and logic being used. Since the beginning he has been wanting to heal people afflicted in Zaun (while it was also to cure his illness I don’t doubt wanting to help those in need was a legitimate motivation). He does immediately go to heal people in Zaun and all the conclusions he jumps to through the season do seem perfectly reasonable for him. He was the type of person who didn’t even conceptualize in season one that something like the hexclaw could be used as a weapon. That and the hexcore showing that he was a pacifist to the point of it being a massive blind spot to danger. So it makes sense being shot by Jayce of all people while in his eyes he was healing people would cause him to go all glorious evolution mode as a natural progression of his arc.
On the other hand he definitely didn’t come back right. The show makes a point to show in season one that the hexcore has some level of physical control over him, and even when going to heal the shimmer addicts he is following Sky’s voice. The writers also confirmed that it indeed was not Sky and was the hexcore manifesting his guilt to push him towards to glorious evolution. And his emotions definitely seem to be muffled and unexpressive. I know this part is joked about a lot but honestly even the fact that he chokes Jayce is surprising because he is consistently characterized as a pacifist to the point of it being a fatal flaw. He doesn’t even commit an act of violence in a show filled with fight scenes until the second to last episode, let alone against Jayce of all people. I think the last thing season one Viktor would do is intentionally cause physical harm to someone, hence why it is only at the part where he is the farthest gone.
Basically if I had to guess I’d say it’s like 50/50 level of control, but you have written some great character analysis so I’m curious what your thoughts are as to how much of season two was Viktor and how much was the Hexcore
Honestly, Anon, I'm wrestling with this on almost a daily basis myself when I write fics. It's definitely not helped by the fact they avoided a lot of exposition in S2 in favor of pacing (the slower pace of S1 allowed for a lot more signposting and exposition of what was going on, I think somewhat to the detriment of S2) and the fact that we don't really get much of Viktor after he stops being the Machine Herald, because to my eyes that's the first time we see the real Viktor all season and it would be nice to get him to express some contrast with what came before (though of course it would ruin the pacing of a perfect moment).
I think you basically nailed all of the points of confusion. I've ever considered tracking all the points where his voice warps for clues, because I think there is something to be gleaned from how and when his voice distorts, but in what direction is also a curious question.
Was saying "affection" kept them together more or less than what Viktor would have said to Jayce? Would he on his own have said love? Or would he, in his infinite shyness, have not dared to mention emotion at all, because Viktor is an expert at pushing those closest to him away and hiding his own emotions? Was that the Hexcore trying to drag Jayce in closer by calling it affection, or push him away before it could gain strength by lowering Viktor saying "love" down to just saying "affection"?
On the other hand, during the Herald's villain monologue at the end in the Astral Plane, his voice is distorted for almost every line except, "This senseless waste," which does feel like a sincere Viktor line, perhaps the only one that is truly him that whole time, including when he said he was pleased to see Jayce, in that horrible mocking tone. Could that not be the Hexcore speaking there?
I'll offer what I think is happening:
In order to chart "What is Hexcore" vs. "What is Viktor" it's less useful to look at Viktor's motives than the Hexcore's.
The Hexore wanted to expand its influence. It wanted to become powerful enough to have its own army and to destroy the civilization around it as other versions of the Hexcore have done throughout history. I believe it reached those goals by posing them as things Viktor, on his own, would want to do like help the needy, thus hiding its ends inside of Viktor's motives.
Note too that people who have dosed up on Shimmer are more susceptible to its molding.
Hence we can assume that the Hexcore, in the guise of Sky, using Viktor's guilt about her and his own failures to help the undercity, guided Viktor down to the Shimmer victim encampment specifically.
Viktor is not a mystic. The most mystical thing he says in S1 is that the Arcane speaks through mages. But the Hexcore is a magical artifact. Something like the Hexcore also destroyed a civilization centuries ago, and the figure in Heimerdinger's memory looks like Viktor when he's cloaked.
So personally, I think we can ascribe any mysticism to the Hexcore's influence too. That means the Cult, for example. Also Viktor's, "You need not suffer anymore," and kind of making them all genuflect to him, feels very OOC and just plain wrong for Viktor.
Whereas Viktor in the Astral Plane feels like real Viktor. Even the fact that when we show his point of view out into the world he is himself in a field of stars, seeing the real world projected in front of him like Plato's Allegory of the Cave gives the impression of imprisonment, like he's looking out through the windows of his own eyes to a shrouded world he can no longer directly touch.
And note, for example, that Sky/the Hexcore doesn't want Viktor to heal Vander. That's all Viktor. I believe the reason is because it doesn't want to run out of energy too quickly.
Basically, I think the Hexcore is stringing Viktor along there as Sky, giving him a little terrarium of stars to play in, while using him as a vessel of assimilation under the guise of healing. These are on both sides, inner and outer, things that Viktor wants to do, so he's seduced. He doesn't fight it.
I also think at a certain point, the Hexcore Viktor gains enough power to be able to impact people who aren't dosed with Shimmer. I think this comes later though, which is why it's not interested in Jayce at first but it is interested in assimilating him later. At that point, again, those motives align with Viktor's own sincere desire to see Jayce again (maybe he's sick of all the hippies in the commune lol) and the Hexcore is happy to get rid of someone who could conceivably stop it.
But note, the Hexcore is still playing along with Viktor. It could forcibly assimilate Jayce, but Viktor wants Jayce to choose his side willingly, so it holds back. In part too because that disappointment is what fuels Viktor to give himself over the Hexcore's goals entirely and ask for Singed's treatment with Apex Shimmer. At that point, as the showrunner noted, it doesn't need the guise of Sky anymore, it doesn't need to string Viktor along anymore. He's bought into the idea of forcibly assimilating the world if he can't get Jayce to join willingly.
I also heard an interesting theory that I'd like to factor in: basically, until he gains access to the Anomaly, Viktor doesn't have the power to strip himself of the Hexcore's influence or overcome it. That's why there's no point in Jayce trying to get through to him sooner, it wouldn't do anything because Viktor would still be trapped in its web.
Once they have the Anomaly, Viktor as an ascended being can strip away the Hexcore's influence. And that's why I lamented that we don't get more of his thoughts in that scene. Because I think an interpretation can be made that the Machine Herald look is just the human form of the Hexcore, using Viktor as a vessel.
Once that outer shell explodes, it really is Viktor again, with all the power of the Anomaly and Jayce's rune at his disposal. Now he and Jayce can work together to reverse the damage, free all the trapped souls from the Hexcore's web, and save the day. But we see that only then Viktor is able to view his own actions as himself, and he's horrified. There I think we get Viktor's one true, sincere reaction to everything that has happened up to that point and confirm that, yes, while the Hexcore interwove its seduction through Viktor's motives, none of this is what Viktor wanted. The ultimate outcome was the Hexcore's goals.
Quick Doylist addition: I also think there's definitely a draft where it's all Viktor getting controlled, but the writers know that can be kind of boring. It's better when characters take action and make choices, rather than being controlled. So I think that's why they settled on a combination of "The Hexcore's end goals, but Viktor's underlying motivations being twisted to support them."
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So, I know we all love the headcanon that Eddie moved in with Wayne when he was a teen or a pre-teen, be it because one or both parents died, chucked him out, are in prison, etc. But! I’ve been thinking about another option.
What if Wayne has been looking after Eddie since he was a toddler?
It all comes as a bit of a shock to Wayne who, in his early forties, had pretty much assumed he’d missed the boat on the whole ‘kids’ thing. And yet, here he is, taking in his baby nephew when his brother turns up on his doorstep one day.
When it starts, it’s only supposed to be for a short while. His brother’s wife is newly out of the picture (it’s a crying shame, Wayne had liked her, she’d stayed a gentle soul throughout) and he just needs some time to get himself sorted, right? But then a week turns into a month, turns into two months, turns into half a year and Wayne? Well, he gets attached to the kid, so sue him.
Because little Eddie is a rambunctious boy. He’s full of gummy smiles and bubbling laughter and Wayne runs himself in circles trying to stop him from toddling into sharp corners and sockets and yards of rope. The two of them are well suited, it seems, and Wayne takes to settling Eddie on his knee in the evenings and going through the races for the next day in the paper.
Eddie chooses a winner more than once.
Every day, when Wayne comes to pick him up from Julia’s two trailers over (he’s still got to work, something his brother hadn’t considered before he left, or maybe he didn’t care), Eddie greets him with his arms out, already chatting away with the handful of phrases that he knows.
The boy’s hair is soft and his cheeks smooth and if Wayne gets a little sentimental when he tucks him into bed at night, then nobody else needs to know, do they?
He’s a sweet boy. He deserves someone to care for him.
So when his brother turns up again with vague mutterings about there being some work for him down in Florida, Wayne’s chest aches.
“What’s your plan for the littl'un?” he asks.
“Ed? Whad’ya mean?”
“I mean, have you got a place to stay lined up? Who’s gonna look after him while you’re working?”
“I’ll figure somethin’ out.”
He shrugs and Wayne feels something close to panic bubbling in his veins. When he suggests that perhaps his brother should travel ahead, get himself settled first before sending for Eddie, he doesn’t expect him to agree so readily. He can’t say he’s much surprised though.
The entire exchange doesn’t take more than ten minutes and his brother doesn’t ask after Eddie once, doesn’t show any desire to see him, doesn’t even step inside the trailer—not one jot of fatherly affection shines through.
It only occurs to Wayne that evening that perhaps this was the outcome his brother wanted. But, hell, it’s fine with him—he’ll let him think he’s winning. Wayne knows who’s got the real prize here.
He doesn’t mention the visit to Eddie, the kid doesn’t need to know, too busy digging holes and collecting bugs.
Just like he expected, his brother never sends for the boy. They get letters for the first few years, poorly wrapped and ill-thought through trinkets for the kid’s birthday and Christmas, but it’s not long until they fall by the wayside too.
Once Eddie’s older, they have a conversation about it. Have to, really, when Eddie comes home from preschool and is full to the brim of questions, because apparently Peter Gillespie says that everyone has to have a mom and a dad, “and I know I have a mom because you’ve told me about her and I said that she’s not around and Mrs. Lang told Peter to be quiet but then I thought about it, but I don’t know, ‘cause you’re my dad, right? I know I don’t call you dad, but that’s what you are, isn’t it? Because what else would you be and Peter says I have to have one.”
It floors Wayne for a moment, but he recovers quickly. He leads Eddie to the couch where he sets him on his lap. For the next while the two of them look through all the pictures that Wayne can find of Eddie’s mom and Wayne’s brother. Wayne makes sure to hold him close and tells him it doesn’t matter that he’s ‘just’ his uncle, that he loves him as much as he would a kid of his own, that he’ll always be around to take care of him. And Eddie takes it all in his stride, in the way only children can.
“So I can’t call you dad?” he asks.
Wayne lets out a long breath, rubs at his jaw.
“It’s not that you can’t, kiddo, it’s just that I ain’t.“
Because it feels a little like stealing. What would happen, if one day his brother came back and found his kid calling Wayne ‘Dad’. If the boot were on the other foot, Wayne would be angry as all heck. And there was still time, wasn’t there? For his brother to see the error of his ways? Who was Wayne to keep all of that from Eddie?
“Okay,” Eddie says quietly. “Uncle Wayne is still good.”
“Oh, it’s still good, is it?” Wayne crows and squeezes Eddie tight. “I’m sure glad I meet your high standards, your majesty.”
Eddie just giggles at that. He always giggles when Wayne puts on his voices.
“And what would the esteemed gentleman like for dinner tonight, huh? The options are spaghetti hoops, spaghetti hoops, or - now let me think. Oh! Spaghetti hoops.”
The nail in the coffin comes one day in the summer of 1978, just before Eddie’s twelfth birthday. It’s been over eight years since his brother dropped him off in search of better things and sure, there have been some days where Wayne has been tearing his hair out, but through all of it he knows he made the right decision that day in the doorway of the trailer. He wouldn’t change Eddie for the world, and he knows by now that there are some out there that would, who would only see the difficult or the different in him, but isn’t that what being a parent is? Loving your kid no matter what? Seeing the good in them and helping them see it themselves?
When his brother slams the door shut on some car so shiny that Wayne wonders if it’s fresh out of the packet, he knows they’re in for some trouble.
“Nice car, man,” Eddie whistles from where he’d been lounging on the plastic chairs out the front of the trailer. Clearly the sight of something so drenched in luxury in their neighbourhood makes it so that he just can’t help himself.
Wayne’s brother grunts in that way that he always did when they were younger, like he’d gotten away with something.
Wayne just watches, then, as his brother nods at the book in Eddie’s hands. “A reader, are you?” he says, a joke in his voice. “What’s this? Always knew there were brains in the family somewhere.”
“It’s ‘Lord of the Rings’,” Eddie replies, uncertain. His gaze flicks to Wayne, who nods. Funny, that the kid was quiet now, he’d been ranting and raving to Wayne about that goddamn book every spare second of the week. “It’s got orcs and wizards and elves in and stuff.”
“Fairytales?” his brother scoffs. It grates on Wayne like a physical thing. “What you been doing to the boy, Wayne? Here.” He turns back to Eddie. “You know me, kid?”
Eddie shakes his head.
“I’m your old man! So you like cars, do you? Want to go for a spin in her?”
“You don’t have to Eddie. Not if you don’t want,” Wayne pipes up then. He knows his boy well enough that he can see the internal war going on behind his eyes. And, hell, it is a nice car. Eddie bites his lip and stares at Wayne, eyes wide, asking permission.
“‘Course he wants to.” And his brother is already walking back to the driver’s side door. He winks at Eddie. “Gotta lot of catching up to do, ain’t we?”
“Hold this for me?” Eddie asks and hands Wayne his book before jogging away.
There’s a sinking feeling in his stomach when Wayne watches the dust trail behind the car as it leaves the trailer park. He sits out on the porch all afternoon, eyes flashing towards the road every few minutes. It isn’t until almost dusk that it careens into the park once more.
The passenger door slams violently and Eddie stomps towards him.
“He’s not my dad,” he splutters as he pushes his face against Wayne’s shoulder. Wayne can feel where his cheeks are hot and flushed.
Cradling the back of Eddie’s head with one hand, he mutters gently, “Yeah, son, I know.”
And how had he ever thought that man could be Eddie’s father? No, Eddie may still call him ‘Uncle Wayne’, but they’ve gone well beyond that and both of them know it.
Directing Eddie back inside the trailer, Wayne sends a small nod to his brother where the man is still lingering by his car door, looking faintly murderous.
Let him try, he thinks. No one’s taking his boy from him now, come hell or high water.
[Yeah, I'm scouring the archives and trying to salvage as many headcanons as I can from my old deleted account, but let's just pretend this is brand new content.]
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Bridgerton shade of blue
Benedict Bridgerton x Female Reader
Benedict bumps into you, quite literally, at a ball while trying to escape his mother's attempts to find him a partner. You decide to humour him with a dance, not realising just how entwined you would become with him. It seems the universe will find every excuse to push you and Benedict together, no matter how much you fight it.
{Masterlist}
{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}
Season one
Chapter Nine - Late night scandals
♡♡♡
"What do you think Bridgerton?"
Benedict turns around to find the artist he had accidentally offended at the gallery the other night.
"This one more to your liking?"
"Mr. Granville--" Benedict raises from his chair to approach the man.
"Perhaps they should take it over to Somerset House so it can be skyed right next to mine."
"I believe I owe you an apology, sir." Benedict says, feeling rather embarrassed.
"Unnecessary. I actually quite enjoy the eloquent stings of your critique. So?" He gestures back to the painting on the wall.
"A touch morose for my tastes," Benedict says.
Henry points to the next one.
"A tragedy. The hound deserved better," Benedict comments.
Granville laughs. "Where is yours?"
"My..."
"Your work," Granville clarifies. "Are you tell me you're not an artist yourself?"
"Well, I-- I suppose sometimes I like to... Well, I mean, I almost--"
"I believe 'yes' and 'thank you' are the words you seek. But either way, you should come by my studio." Mr Granville holds out a small card to Benedict, who accepts it. "The pieces I do for myself are there, and I think you will find my real work far less, um... Oh, how did you put it? 'Cold and lacking inner life?'"
Benedict scrunched up his face as he nodded, still burning with embarrassment. "I shall never live that down, shall I?"
Mr Granville leaves.
Benedict returns to his table where he had been absentmindedly doodling. Eyes. He was sketching out a pair of eyes. Pretty ones. From memory.
He sighs and closes the sketchbook.
♡♡♡
As you sit in the drawing room of the Bridgerton house, as invited by Violet, you discover that she had no idea about the boxing match, or that Daphne had been there.
You keep your eyes focused on the latest Whistledown paper, though you had stopped reading it.
Daphne was playing the piano while her mother interrogated her.
"A boxing match is no place for any young lady." Violet sighs.
"Is it a place for a prince? Was he at today's match, sister?" Hyacinth asks.
"He certainly was."
"It is a loathsome and barbarous form of entertainment," Violet was very displeased.
That was when Daphne took the opportunity to mention you had gone as well, which had Violet looking at you.
"You too?"
You glare softly at Daphne, who gives you a smug little look. Crafty one, she is.
"Anthony invited me," you admit.
Violet looked terribly ill all of a sudden. You were sure she would being this up with her eldest son at some point.
"What about the duke?" Hyacinth asks.
"What about the duke?" Both Violet and Daphne ask at the same time. You eye Daphne curiously from your seat.
"Was he also present?" Hyacinth asked, less enthusiastic now.
"I do not know," Daphne says. "If the duke was there, I did not see him."
Hyacinth leaves the piano to go see what Eloise is up to. She had been scribbling away in her book since you arrived.
You put the Whistledown column down and rose from your seat to seek entertainment near the window. Watching the street was surely more entertainment than listening in on that conversation.
Anthony enters the room and greets both his mother and his sister. You turn and he greets you too.
"Did you truly take your sister to a boxing match?" Violet hounds him.
"Your admonishment will have to wait. I have news," he cuts her lecture short. "Prince Friedrich has asked for my permission to propose." He looks at Daphne.
She stops playing. "So soon?"
"Well, what did you tell him?" Violet asks.
"That I know better than to answer for my sister. I have no objections to the man. People speak well of him. Whatever you decide, Daph, you shall have my support."
You look at Daphne quietly.
"I... uh... I..." She doesn't know what to say.
"You need not decide now," Violet tells her. "You certainly have no known him long."
"Let me know when you have an answer, and I shall convey it." Anthony says to his sister.
"Indeed." Daphne looks at him.
Anthony leaves as quickly as he came in. It was clear Daphne needed time to think.
♡♡♡
When Daphne had pleaded with you to attend the next ball with her, you couldn't say no. There was a sadness to her gaze, and you wondered from where it had risen.
Something had happened between her and the duke, and she had been off kilter ever since.
The ball, like all had been so far, was wonderful. The theme was a little more out there this time, but everyone was behaving quite perfectly.
You were standing with Daphne as she scanned the crowd. Exactly who she was looking for, you weren't quite certain. You would suggest the prince on the account that the duke was apparently leaving London tonight.
The prince could be seen across the room. He was in conversation with someone. You glance toward Daphne, but your gaze shifts as Cressida Cowper comes over. You give Daphne a gentle nudge.
"Daphne." Cressida chuckles. "You look beautiful, as always."
"Thank you, Cressida," Daphne says politely.
"You could have chosen anyone," Cressida says. "You have gentlemen lined up to pay you tribute. Yet you did not hesitate to steal my chance for happiness away, did you? I knew the marriage market would make rivals of us, but I never thought youcapable of being my enemy."
"The man made his choice, Cressida. What did you expect me to do?" Daphne asks.
Daphne walks off in the direction of the prince. You look at Cressida and then walk off in the other direction.
There is nothing you could ever say to her.
You begin to walk alongside the dance floor, watching the couples dance. A hand comes into view, and you turn to see a friendly looking young man smiling at you.
"May I have this dance?"
You take a moment to gather yourself. You had hoped one of the Bridgerton boys would be here to dance with you, but you supposed you couldn't rely on them every time.
"You may."
You go with him to dance.
It seemed Benedict wasn't here.
♡♡♡
Benedict was, in fact, making his way to the studio of Mr. Granville. He was intrigued by the artist.
He finds the address and knocks on the door. Henry Granville answers.
"Mr. Bridgerton."
Benedict stands there a little awkwardly.
"Come in, come in."
Granville lets him in. Benedict enters and follows him. He is led further inside and finds himself in a large room. A circle of easels presented around two nude models.
"I do not know what I was expecting, but it surely was not this." Benedict says.
"Oh, simply a gathering of like-minded souls." Henry tells him. "Here, let me show you what I've been working on."
Benedict is led further inside the studio. He passes a couple of painters discussing war so causally.
"What do you think?" Henry asks.
Benedict walks over and takes a look at the canvas.
"Hmm. It's a far cry from Somerset House, I must say."
"I shall take that a compliment."
They both chuckle.
"And I must say, I'm truly jealous. Is this your life?" Benedict asks.
"There are advantages to being the second-born." Henry tells him. "Heirs have the responsibility. Second sons have the fun."
They both chuckle again.
"So... why not go have some fun?" Henry gestures to the models. He's giving Benedict the chance to epress himself through art.
Benedict picks an easel and sits down.
♡♡♡
As you dance once again tonight, you spot Anthony standing off to the side. He's staring at the opera singer.
You hard heard whispers about him being infatuated with an opera singer, but had no idea if there lay any truth to them.
You continue dancing with your partner.
Benedict was still a no-show tonight, which you found to be rather disappointing. You had been looking forward to another evening of his little quips and teasing.
When the dance ends, you curtsy to your partner and head in the direction of Anthony and Violet. Lady Bridgerton had tries to introduce her son to a rather pretty young lady, but he showed no interest.
"Shall we dance, Lord Bridgerton?" You ask, looking at Anthony.
He turns and looks at you, for half a second, thinking you were another lady his mother was intent on pushing on him.
"Yes, let's." He offers his arm, and you take it. Violet watches you both go. Even if he chose you, she would be pleased, but she knows her son will not take you as his wife. You're his friend who has come to rescue him from her for a while.
Violet downs a third glass of champagne.
"She is persistent," you say.
"Hm?"
"Your mother."
Anthony chuckles softly. "Yes. Quite."
"The opera singer..."
He looks at you.
"Nevermind. Its not my business."
Anthony's expression softens. "I was - am - found of her."
"Yes. I assumed as much."
Anthony sighs. "It's complicated.
You nod and say no more on the matter. Anthony spins you around elegantly.
"Is Benedict not here tonight?" You ask, twirling with him.
"Benedict? No." He gazes at you. "Why do you ask?"
"I just noticed his absence."
"Missing your dance partner?" He teases.
You chuckle. "Am I that obvious?"
He winks at you, and you shake your head with a smile. "I'm fond of you boys. I can't help it when I notice one of you is missing."
Anthony grins. "How lucky we are to have gained such a special friend such as you."
As Anthony gives you another turn around the floor, you spot Colin speaking with Penelope. You smile softly at the sight and then turn your attention back to the eldest brother.
At least you'll have one Bridgerton on your dance card tonight.
As the next dance begins, Anthony keeps your company longer. You're aware this may catch attention from others, especially Lady Whistledown should she be here, but none the less, you dance with him twice.
You soon see that Colin has left Penelope on the sidelines to dance with Miss Thompson, and you also find the prince talking to Daphne amidst their dance.
The dance ends, and you manage to catch sight of Daphne fleeing the ballroom.
Anthony bows, and you curtsy.
"Until next time." He nods his head at you. You smile and nod, taking your leave. You worry about Daphne and intend to go check on her, but you're stopped by another gentleman.
You sigh and realise you'll have to dance with him before you can flee again.
The dance feels like it drags on, and on, and on. You smile, you listen to your partner talk, but your mind is focused on Daphne. She did not look well when she fled.
When the dance ends, you spot Anthony leaving the ballroom. You waste no more time and follow him.
He heads outside. You follow.
"Anthony?"
He turns and looks at you. "Go back inside."
"What's the matter? What's happening?"
"Did you see him?" Anthony asks urgently.
"Who?"
"The duke."
"He is here?"
"He was, and now I can't find Daphne." You realise he's concerned about his sister.
You hear something further in the garden, and Anthony hurries off. You follow him, close on his heels.
What you find is not what you ever expected to see.
Simon and Daphne were not just kissing. His hands were all over her. Her dress had been pulled down. You cover your mouth, though you can not hide the gasp that escapes you.
Anthony runs at Simon.
"Bastard!"
Simon receives a strong punch to the face. He falls to the ground, and Anthony takes another swing. He punches him a third time and then stands beside his sister. You hurry to her other side and checks her over.
"Daphne..."
She is speechless. She has no words for you. They have been caught in a compromising position.
"You will marry her," Anthony declares.
"What?" Daphne looks at her brother.
"Immediately. We can only hope no one saw you take such liberties, and my sister is saved further mortification. You will marry her!"
Anthony is angry.
"Brother!"
"I cannot marry her," Simon says.
"You have defiled her innocence, and now you refuse her hand? I knew you were a rake, Hastings, I never thought you a villain."
"I cannot marry her," Simon states more firmly.
Daphne looks hurt.
"Then you leave me no choice. I must demand satisfaction."
"A duel? Anthony, you cannot--" Daphne begins.
"He dishonours you, sister." Anthony looks at her. "He dishonours you and me and the very Bridgerton name. I have misjudged you, indeed. You have duped us both, but I shall not see my sister pay for my own misdeeds. We will settle this as gentlemen."
"I understand," Simon agrees. "I shall see you at dawn."
"I do not understand," Daphne says softly. "You would rather die than marry me?"
You look at Simon quietly.
"I am truly sorry."
"We need to go, Daph. Before anyone should see us." Anthony says softly.
You reach out for her arm gently and pull her away, Anthony follows you both.
Daphne takes her brother's arm after he begs of you not to say a word about anything. You swear by it, looking him in the eye. Anthony thanks you.
You drift off from them as you enter the ballroom once again.
Anthony approaches Colin and tells him he is taking her home. He asks Colin to take care of their mother. You decide to step in and help. Anthony looks grateful.
Anthony and Daphne leave.
Colin looks at you, but you just smile softly at him and ask him to help you with Violet. He doesn't say anything about Daphne or Anthony.
Neither do you.
♡♡♡
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My September
Harumasa Asaba | M. Reader as Mei Shijima [TBHK]
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Spoilers for those who haven't read the Picture Perfect Arc of Toilet Bound Hanako Kun
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For as long as Harumasa could remember, the entirety of his childhood was filled with a sterile white room, IV drips, and other machineries. That's just his normal. Wake up, eat, take his medicine, sleep. Rinse and repeat.
A rather boring and dull childhood.
Until one day. He saw someone poking their head into his room, eyes filled with curiosity and wonder. But the moment Harumasa noticed them, they fled. A strange encounter. However as time passes it becomes something Harumasa secretly looks forward to.
He would tell his master about it with a grin on his face while the adult laughs and encourages him. Thinking it's just an imaginary friend. It's normal for children to let their imagination wander after all, yet Harumasa would pout insisting that the encounter was real.
Determined to prove himself right one day, Harumasa decided to escape his room and search for this mysterious figure. Hiding from the adults and other unfamiliar figures Harumasa looks through every corner just to find them. Surely they were here, right? After what felt like an eternity Harumasa found a door, slightly ajar.
This must be it! And so without a second thought Harumasa went through it and was met by a room similar to his but with less medical equipment. Just an IV drip that's connected to the very person he's been trying to find.
That's when Harumasa.. met his first friend.
[Name] Shijima. A really talented artist. Well he's not a artist yet.. but Harumasa is super positive that he'll be one!
Through the times the two grew close. Perhaps their shared pain is what brought them together, but their ambitions and dreams drew them closer.
One day, Harumasa is in [Name]'s room. Chatting with him while the latter draws in his sketchbook. Until [Name] spoke up as he showed Harumasa his rough sketch with stars in his eyes. "In this Atelier Tower, there's a 'what if' version of me and he draws being healthy and well."
As he explains the backstory of his sketch one of his brushes rolls from the overbed table to the tiled floor. Seeing this [Name] attempts to grab it only to tugged his IV on his hand making him flinch in pain. Worried, Harumasa took the brush from the floor and handed it to the other with a weary smile. "Are you okay? Did it hurt?"
"I'm fine, it only hurts a little." [Name] reassures him. Setting down his sketchbook at the overbed table. He looks at it for a second, analyzing every detail of his Atelier Tower. Hie vision. His ambition. His dream.
Harumasa noticed the somber expression on his friend's face as he put the brush on the table. He was about to ask what was wrong, but the sound of the door opening stopped him, his master by the door. Ah, is it already time for him to get back? A hint of disappointment flashes in his eyes, reluctantly bidding his goodbyes to [Name].
When he's left alone [Name] let out a sigh before speaking in a low, somber tone. His gaze is still fixed on his sketch. "The me on this side... I'm just a tiny bit sick, you know? But I'm sure I'll get better soon!"
Lowering his head [Name] rested his cheek on the table. Looking at it with longing. "But until then... In my place, will you draw for me, other me?"
He said in a low, somber tone as if he's talking to his 'other version' that lives inside the Atelier Tower. "If you do that, I'll do my best."
"..isn't it weird? I'm talking to myself.."
...
.....
"...of course."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"The poor thing..."
"....And so young, how sad..."
"That poor boy... he's still drawing..."
"But... it's such a severe illness..."
"Recently all he does is sleep.... he seldom eats any of his food! Surely that boy..."
"..is going to die soon..."
----------
That was the last day Harumasa saw [Name].
His master doesn't let him hang out with [Name] anymore and when he asked, all Harumasa got was a small smile. As if the older man is trying to comfort him silently. The same goes for the other doctors there. He doesn't understand.
Why? Why are they not letting him see his friend anymore? That's not fair! Not fair at all! [Name] was in the middle of creating that Atelier Tower of his! And he was planning on showing the finished painting to Harumasa! And [Name] was about to go to art school and became an artist!
...oh sweet childhood innocence..
In the end. Harumasa did see the painting [Name] had promised him. It was on display at an art room of a well-known art school. The creator was nowhere to be seen.
Now he stood there with eyes fixed on the painting. A student, on his way to become a part of HSO. Stood motionless at the mere sight of it as people whispered around him.
"Have you heard? They say that the creator of that painting was very talented at drawing.. but his parents were opposed to him continuing the path of art.. so, in order to chase his dreams.."
"He decided to kill himself."
Harumasa's heart dropped at the sound of their whispers. No.. it's not true.. it can't be true. [Name] didn't..
"Whoa, that makes sense!"
"What so, he killed himself?"
"The painting is kinda scary too.. I don't like it.."
"What if it has all of his evil resentment inside it?"
"That's scary!"
No! [Name] parents supported him. They encourage him to follow his dreams! They weren't opposed to it! Harumasa would know! He would know! They were.. they were..
.
.
.
The Atelier Tower was finished.
And so is its creator.
.
.
.
Time somehow passes by in a blur. Before Harumasa knew it he had graduated. This is it. He's going to be a part of HSO now. All he needs to do is..
Harumasa froze. His feet glued to the ground as his eyes widened. His classmates were all busy with their families, friends, and loved ones. Of course they are, they just graduated, they're celebrating!
Yet his golden eyes caught something else—or perhaps it's more appropriate to say, someone else.
He stood there. Locking eyes with Harumasa. Then.. he smiles. The same smile Harumasa had grown to like.. to adore..
"[Name]..?"
#seme male reader#top male reader#zenless zone zero#zenless zone zero x reader#zenless zone zero x male reader#zzz#zzz x reader#zzz x male reader#x male reader#asaba harumasa#zzz harumasa#harumasa x reader#asaba x reader#harumasa x male reader#harumasa asaba#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun#mei shijima#tbhk shijima#shijima mei
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other ideas for what happens after Viktor wakes up:
He and Jayce make out passionately and get the hell out of piltover and then they go spend the rest of their days as a small mechanics/toy shop owners.
Jayce says lmao nah bro you clearly aren’t in the right headspace right now at least rest for a day before leaving and Viktor is like whelp can’t argue against that logic
Viktor is like you want to be the John the Baptist to my Jesus and Jayce is like I don’t know what the fuck that is but sure
Jayce gives him a fluffy robe instead of that magic sheet cloak and Viktor realizes he can’t be a cult leader looking like that so he just pouts in the lab for the rest of time
Viktor amnesia AU????? Oh the possibilities. He’s like hi I just got here and I’m purple. why am I naked and also who are you. Who am I. Do I have a name, a last name too perhaps? oooooo and jayce is like well we’re partners. And Viktor is like married? And Jayce is like whelp fuck it yeah. Married! (That way he can also solve the problem of Viktor not having a last name)
OOOOO Viktor’s magic/hexcore cult also affects Jayce? Feels compelled to follow him no matter what? And Viktor is now Came Back Different and is like well don’t know what to do about that!
Viktor gets out of the hexcore 3d painting whatever the fuck he was in and he’s just. Back to normal. Regular healthy man. Viktor is like well my terminal illness and chronic pain is gone but now how do I style myself without my cane?? he leaves to go figure it out lmao
Viktor gets out and everything is the same except he’s got a Jersey accent. Like a deep one. He doesn’t know it’s changed. Jayce is like well fuck. *contemplates pushing him back in to try and reverse it*
Viktor gets out and he’s like well I’m pissed you didn’t destroy it and also made more weapons but I’d likely use it to save you too (debatable for some but work with me here) let’s just start fresh and also I need real clothes before we stop this war. (He and Jayce also make out in this one too.)
Viktor gets out and he’s a cat. Jayce is happy. (He’s allergic to dogs).
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Forbidden
Emperor Caracalla x Goddess!Reader
Summary: You just loved him. You wanted him to be happy and healthy, but for your actions, you must be punished. No God should interfere with the mortals.
Was it truly that bad?
How can a love this strong and honest be bad?
How can anyone say your feelings were wrong?
He might be an Emperor, a mortal.
But you loved him.
With all of your heart.
"You healed him." the Gods yelled at you. "We can't interfere with the mortals, you know that!"
"But I love him!" were your last words before you were banished.
A fallen God.
But at least, your love was alive.
By saving him, you also saved his brother and you saved Rome.
Your heart was too big you were often told.
But now you were forced to live amongst mortals. Hiding in the outskirts of Rome in the woods by a pond.
When Caracalla felt overwhelmed, he often needed to be alone.
Sometimes it was simply too much. The people, their demands and the crowd.
During these times he ran away to the nearby forest.
The calmness of it often calmed him, his favourite spot was a pond. A small little pond which was filled with life.
But this time, he wasn't alone.
He noticed a lady walking along the bank before walking into the water. The water reached her knees.
She looked so beautiful.
Caracalla moved and as he did his loud steps scared the woman.
Your eyes snapped at him and suddenly a cold breeze froze you in one place.
The man you loved so much. The man you healed and got banished for.
"Emperor Caracalla." you didn't even realize you said his name.
"Who are you?" he asked but you quickly got out of the water and ran away.
You ran but he followed you.
He was quick as he caught your hand, making you stop and turn but you were too fast, making both of you fall as you fell on him.
"I'm sorry." you tried to collect yourself but his hand gripped your wrist.
"I have seen you before, in my dreams." he said as you both stood up and he took a step closer to you.
"You must be mistaken." you tried to leave, you really did, but he didn't let you. "Please let me leave. I shouldn't be talking to you." you watched as his eyes searched yours then looked around, trying to find someone.
"I dreamt of you. It must mean something. Perhaps the Gods sent you to me."
"Quite the opposite," you whisper.
"You must come with me."
"Please, I just want to go home."
"It is your Emperor's request." his tone changed as now he was serious.
You couldn't say no.
---
You soon found yourself in his personal room, sitting in a chair as he watched you.
"Who are you? What is your name?"
"It is Y/N. I'm a no one, My Emperor I can assure you."
"Why were you in my dreams? I cannot dream of a no one."
"I'm sure it wasn't me. You must be mistaken."
"I'm not. I remember. It was you, standing there while I slept. A beautiful light illuminated you." he must have been semi-conscious when you healed him.
You were shaking your head.
"I'm sure your dream was lovely, but it was not me, Your Majesty."
He leaned closer to you, watching your face as you avoided his gaze.
"Who are you?" he whispered. His voice was collected and strong.
"A simple woman." you replied with a shaky tone.
"No. You must be much more. You shall stay here until I find out who you really are"
And again, you had no other choice.
---
You met his brother the following day.
Although at first, he was suspicious of you, he soon realized that you might just be the newest plaything for his brother.
"My Lady?" Caracalla's voice called from behind you as you turned to him. "Dinner will be served soon. Just the two of us. My brother is not in the palace."
You simply nodded.
You have spent the past month with Caracalla. And as you sat down next to him on the bench, you couldn't hold it in any longer.
"I admit I haven't been truthful to you, Your Majesty. You see, your dream of me healing you was real. I did heal you from your illness. It is why I have been banished from the Gods."
"I always knew you were special." he smiled. "From the moment I saw you by the pond. Why did you heal me?"
"Because I fell in love with you."
"No woman ever loved me."
"I'm not a woman, I'm a Goddess." you whispered and he grabbed your hand, and brought it to his lips.
"Of course, you are, My Goddess." he looked into your eyes and soon leaned closer and sealed your lips in a kiss.
Gladiator II Collection
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#x reader#fanfiction#x female reader#emperor caracalla#caracalla x reader#gladiator caracalla#caracalla x you#gladiator ii#gladiator ll#caracalla imagine#emperor caracalla x reader#emperor caracalla x you#emperor caracalla fic#emperor caracalla imagine#emperor caracalla x female reader#caracalla#gladiator movie#emperor caracalla imagines#gladiator 2#gladiator x reader#gladiator imagine#gladiator imagines#gladiator caracalla x reader#gladiator II caracalla fanfic
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