#perhaps i ought to make a side blog for this...

[mayhemchicken-artblog]

The use of "brothers" is telling me that there are no female vamps allowed?

at the very least, there are none at this gathering. rymer's sexism informs his worldview in ways that directly and profoundly affect the world of the story; we only see one example of a female vampire (clara) so there's not really a trend that i can point to, but i think it is telling to look at the differences between her and the male vampires in the story:

male vampires are created as punishment for murder, although the text is maddeningly unclear about what causes a given murderer to rise as a vampire or not. by contrast, clara is innocent of wrongdoing, and is turned by varney as an act of revenge against her brothers.

male vampires remain fully cognizant as they were in life, for the most part. the vampire who is raised during the vampire council starts speaking immediately, as soon as he is raised to life:

"Vampyre arise, arise!" "I come, I come!" shrieked the corpse.

clara, on the other hand, never says a single word once she becomes a vampire. she acts as though in a sort of trance, uncomprehending of her surroundings:

"Speak!" he gasped; "speak! speak!" There was no reply. "I conjure you, I pray you though the sound of your voice should hurl me to perdition -- I implore you, speak." All was silent, and the figure in white moved on slowly but surely towards the door of the church [...]

i've been drawing her with a similar amount of personality to the other vampires in the book, but none of that is present in the original text - in fact, one theory i have is that varney succeeded only in raising her body, not her soul. in the world that rymer envisions, young women are innocent, blameless, and pure, and middle-aged women are either shrews and harpies or background cutouts with no personality to speak of, but the voluptuous female vampires written of by other 19th-century authors do not exist. the vampires who are cursed for their crimes are solely male; the victims which they prey on are solely female. clara remains an innocent victim even in undeath, preying on her sole victim (a random 16-year-old girl) with no awareness of what she is doing; meanwhile, no man is ever bitten, or even implied to have been bitten. as far as rymer is concerned, the idea that any male character is ever in danger of a vampire's bite is never even on the table - which, as you might guess, severely kneecaps the horror.

so yes, as far as the incredibly sexist author of the original text is concerned, vampirism is a No Girls Allowed club, and the reason seems to be because murder is a No Girls Allowed crime. it's fascinating from a critical perspective and incredibly frustrating from a casual reader perspective. this is the man who invented Mrs. Lovett of Sweeney Todd fame; the fact that he can't give us any evil lady vampires is a crime worthy of the vampire's curse.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I hope you're doing well! Your blog is infinitely helpful. I'm seeking advice on navigating a friendship with an ENTJ. I'm an INFJ. I am having difficulty maintaining a friendship with an ENTJ. The reason being is that often times he's arrogant, critical and insensitive. In turn he views me as overly sensitive and too serious.

We often have intellectual conversations. However, in these conversations he's dismissive of my ideas and opinions on topics we discuss even if I'm well versed on a topic. So often when we have an intellectual conversation I end up feeling unintelligent and unheard even if this isn't his intention. I always listen and take into consideration his opinions/ideas. If he has a different opinion I'll do some research on it. Perhaps I'm wrong and it's a moment in which I can be teachable.

There was also a time when I needed emotional support and I came to him for it. He was quite critical and judgemental which made me feel worse. Afterwards I told them this and he said it wasn't his intention. And I do believe it wasn't.

I find this friendship difficult to navigate as we always annoy and push each others buttons with our differences. I have thought about letting go of this friendship but I put it on hold because perhaps it's an opportunity for growth and understanding/middle ground. And I do admire the traits he possesses that I don't have. However, if it remains a one sided effort I will leave. Any advice? Thank you 💕

----------------------

Generally speaking, before you chalk up relationship conflicts to "irreconcilable differences", it is important to check whether it's actually a problem of poor communication.

1) Clarify unmet needs: For example, on one hand, this relationship satisfies your need for intellectual stimulation; on the other hand, it doesn't satisfy your need for emotional support. Does either party have any other unmet needs that require attention? Bring them all out into the open if you hope to resolve them.

2) Discuss unmet needs: Relationships require maintenance, otherwise it's easy for background resentment to build up over time. Sometimes it's necessary to sit down and talk things out directly. Are you able to communicate about your unmet needs purely from the "I" perspective, matter-of-factly, without judgment, blame, or criticism? In order to facilitate understanding, have you described the unmet needs in detail and provided a reasonable explanation for why they are important to you? If necessary, are you able to provide concrete examples to illustrate that this is a recurring issue which threatens the health or longevity of the relationship? People can't read minds, so it's up to you to impress upon them how important something is to you.

3) Make reasonable requests: Have you asked nicely or made an explicit request of the person to attend to your unmet needs? Have you provided them with clear instructions (assuming they are ignorant) about exactly how or what they ought to do to help you fulfill the unmet needs? People can't read minds, so help them help you by being open and clear about the change you're envisioning.

The best you can do is communicate about the problem reasonably. You don't get to control how others respond or whether they agree to honor your requests. A person who claims to care about you or love you ought to i) make an attempt to understand the situation from your perspective, and ii) put out some effort to improve the relationship whenever problems arise.

If they can't agree with your point-of-view, they should at least be willing to talk about why. If they can't agree to honor a request, they should at least offer up a reasonable justification and encourage further dialogue. Even if they agree to honor a request, they might not always succeed, but making an effort shows that the relationship is redeemable. Hardened resistance to listening, regular dismissal of your feelings, constant refusal to address relationship issues - these are all "red flags" that indicate the relationship isn't on solid ground. It sounds like some red flags have already appeared?

Even when both parties are willing to address a problem, failure is still possible. One more thing you ought to do is check your expectations to see if you're being fair and reasonable. Is it reasonable to expect one friend to cover many different needs? Are you expecting something from him that he is simply incapable of offering/giving to you, for whatever reason? If that's the case, you have a choice to make: i) Accept and love people for who they are and find other methods of fulfilling your unmet needs, or ii) Decide that this is a deal breaker for you (i.e. the cons seriously outweigh the pros) and move forward with a better idea of what you need out of the next relationship.

[marengogo]

Rambling in INFJese - Part 9: Dear Future Baby Jikooker and Some Jikookers as well…

Listening to album D-DAY - by Agust D  ON REPEAT

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Dear Future Baby Jikooker,

Here is a letter from me to you, who have just stepped into this curious neck of the woods, but also for Jikookers, who presently might feel lost, in this neck of the woods. This is going to be a long-ass post, ops 😬. In my defence, it could have been even much longer than it is, but let’s be real, there is only so much you might be willing to read at this stage and, at the same time, only so much I can write before I stray well out of topic. BUT let’s start with a welcome, shall we? A very big welcome to those of you who have decided, for one reason or another and we will touch on that to be “Jikookers”. Welcome and congratulations: you’ve officially picked the most fear-inducing, hate-provoking, blasted-ass ship, perhaps, in history but that is just my perception, admittedly, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony might have been good contenders, by the fandom they belong to and most of all shippers within the fandom as well.

SO YES, welcome welcome welcome to the Tumblr side of Jikook things! Now, before we dive deeper into what awaits in my post, and most importantly, into Jikook-world, it’s best we get one thing straight, right off the bat:

Mmm … you might have already known this, in fact you are probably looking at me like “You ain’t gotta tell me that, bitch, like …” but truuuust me when I tell you that this is not as obvious or as known a fact as it ought to be … chiiiiiile 😩. 

That being said, there are usually two main starting points for people who end up here, and by here, I don’t mean specifically Jikook-Tumblr, but Jikook-world in general:

You have been ARMY / BTS fans / JK and/or JM bias for a while and are thus familiar with all members in BTS at a level that is above avarage.

You have no clue about anything-BTS, but you heard that there is this “couple” in BTS, so the name of the other members is probably as much as you might know. 

As you are ultimately here because of a possible romantic relationship between JK and JM, whether you are 1 or 2 doesn’t make you any better or worse than being 2 or 1. What it does however, is that it will 100% influence and condition the experience you might/will have. That, in addition with the answer to the following question which I highly suggest you ask yourself before you fully step in: 

“Why am I here?”

… Perhaps “I believe Jikook is 100% real”, or “I wonder: is Jikook even real right now?”, or “I have reason to believe that Jikook might be, but actually …”, or “I’m not saying but I’m saying, Jikook?!”, or “IDGAF I just think they look good together”, etc etc etc. Trust me, there is a Jikook blog that aligns with any and all conscious and subconscious states of mind, beliefs and/or opinions. So as you proceed, you will or might not realise that some blogs simply want to find people who are like-minded, some blogs just want to rave, rant and talk about the boys to their heart's content, some blogs want to build a following/clout, and some blogs might be up to no good amongst these, some might not even realise that they are….

I, for one, got into the Jikook-world coming from type 1. BTS found me when I needed them the most and I just ended up loving all 7 of them, in different ways, but all 7 nonetheless AND as you might or might not know, I am indeed OT7. One day, as it happens to all of us, I stumbled on a shipping video on YT, it was a Taejin one: I clicked. To begin I was initially shocked that BTS would still have ships at the point in their career (this was around 2021) and I actually thought Taejin to be real … and then you see SOPE, Namjin, taekook, there were so many and all had their reasons etc. After a while I just found them all very cute and didn’t take them seriously at all. 

Eventually, somehow, a Jikook video by Made in Busan appeared, I watched it and that was it: … I felt something. But even though I did feel something, I tried to ignore it because as a queer person pansexual I mostly walk around with my invisible hope on my sleeves ALL THE TIMES. So it felt that, once again, for the one millionth time, I would end up wanting them to be so real that the disappointment would crush me, making me feel that once again, people like me are undeserving of love, or at the very least, African and Asian countries are never going to accept this. At this very moment a great part of the USA, and certain parts of Europe, are the only places where famous people and not can live being who they are. 

In many other places in this world, particularly African and Asian countries, it is still taboo, dangerous and even life threatening and I am in-between these two types of worlds. So I rejoice everytime a queer couple publically comes out, because even though I know I cannot be them the maximum I can do is go to pride in my pink, yellow and blue outfit it makes me happy to know that had I been born in a different continent, within a different culture, that perhaps, it could have been me. Basically, it feels that happiness for people like me is attainable, even if not for me, if others can safely make it, it would be enough for me for now. 

I started from YT and WHAT A MESS IT TURNED OUT TO BE. I made the very big mistake of thinking that because jikook was so rare in the fandom, then people who believed in them were just like me trying to understand kindred spirits. I thought that we were in this to protect and potentially, if time ever would allow, to support what would have become a very influential gay couple. But as time passed, before I knew it, I found myself within the episode of the most toxic BL where, everyone heard voices, many betrayed each other for affection, all slept with each other to spite all, and some resorted to using fans in order to bully each other. The more accounts with this mentality started to appear, the more normal accounts started to disappear. It got to a point were I, a person whom in the meantime had forgotten was a OT7, started to believe that some members were indeed narcissist and any other non-self diagnosable trait. WHEN I REALISED I had to take a BIG-ASS breath,  slap myself out of fiction and get-out-style-ran myself back into reality: LIKE … WHAT THE FUCK HAD JUST HAPPENED?!

I had completely forgotten about who BTS were, I got entirely lost in the wrong side of the woods for me, basically I completely forgot why I was even there in the first place! When I then myself in the only youtube channel I trusted at the time, who also suggested we should check a certain blog on Tumblr, when I did, I found a kindred spirit and never went back to YT (by that time wonsummernight had left, Made in Busan, like MizGator, were all gone). There was no forced narrative, the logical consideration of events, the unexplainable emotion of others, it was up the alley I had wanted to be. It brought it back to me just supporting real maybe-queer people like me, rather than fighting over fictional characters in a drama that had nothing to do with me at all. 

I regained my rationality, and peacefully lurked, until I got curious about certain topics and decided to send in asks, or just wanted to send words of encouragement to other blogs I began to like and were constantly attacked. Eventually I realised my side of the woods was also thinning out, and because I felt like I had a lot to say as well I began this blog, to just talk, talk and talk. It was fun talking, revisiting Jikook moments with other people who thought alike or people who respectfully didn’t and still kept it at a healthy level. Speaking with other queer folk was also a perk. I literally had no expectations upon coming on Tumblr, I just wanted to keep up with Jikook, while keeping my sanity and rationality. Writing my thoughts about them also helped me lay out my opinions and, through educated speculation, maybe realise things about Jikook hadn’t before and so on and so forth. As things stand in this very moment, within my boundaries, I still believe there is something between them. Chapter 2 is what, surprising, turning out to be as I predicted it would be, to a T except for JK’s weverse, that I couldn’t predict not a single one, for shit it is all very interesting to be honest, and though I can know see things will only get harder from here on, it is okay. 

Even though this place feels like it is about to become another, YT, twitter, etc. It is okay. I never had any expectations to begin with, but the fact that I know where I stand in my Jikook neck of the woods, makes my anger towards some bullshit very well directed towards said bullshit, and never towards jikook, BTS or any unrelated parties. I like that when I log off my life goes on. I love that even though I have times when I miss them a lot, it is just that and I am not going crazy over it. In the same way I love that there is a chance that within this global powerhouse of a band there might be somebody that loves like me. In the queer way I, and many others, do. 

So my dear future Baby Jikooker, find out why you are here. Understand what it is you want. If it is being in delulu-land that is perfectly fine I also go there from time to time, I find it fun, and when things actually happen right from delulu-land it makes it even more fun! Just gotta trade carefully, that's all. If you wanna find friends, if you wanna talk, whatever it is, just be aware of your decisions, and possible consequences, and you will not be disappointed, hurt or disillusioned, in the long run. If you don’t like all the other members, at the very lease please respect them, because Jikook surely do love them.

If you find that this environment is becoming too much for you, protect yourself the best way you can, leave if you need to, you have the right to do so. As you keep exploring make sure to find the blog that is right for you, and if you feel like it is what you want, write your own. If something feels too good to be true, check sources, always, original content is always available. If you are okay for them to be too good to be true, then do you, it is your experience, just be mindful not to ruin it for others and I hope nobody ruins it for you.

So once again, WELCOME TO JIKOOK-WORLD. I hope you don’t get too lost and you find what you were looking for. I hope you come out of it alive, if at some point you decide to run away. And if you survive all the bullshit that might take place between now and their military service (MS), if you are still around, and Jikook just so happen to be who we think they might be; then I’ll see you on the other side, or if you want come holla.

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

[c4rr10n]

i have almost 400 recipes in the drafts of this blog. i'm beginning to come to terms with the notion that perhaps i ought to make a recipes side blog...

[kyndaris]

Cubano Breaks

After several unsuccessful chats with men on the app, I turned my Hinge preferences to women only. Dikottir and Game Master managed to sneak past the gate, wherein I went on a few extra dates with them but they have been the sole surviving men who have made it through my exacting requirements.

So saying, Game Master has somewhat dropped off in terms of conversation in recent weeks. Either because he forgot or he's busy at work or he feels as if the chemistry has petered off and has moved on to someone else.

It...doesn't really matter.

As for Dikottir, we still chat and he's always eager to show off pictures of his pet dog. Of course, neither one of us are excellent conversationalists (and we may share personality traits that make it hard for us to be texting non-stop. Possibly because we're both secure in who we are and don't feel the need to constant bombard the other person? Who knows. I know there are days where I don't feel like I have much to contribute to anything and would rather just sit and play video games/ stream a TV show on Netflix).

But while men tend to message almost near constantly, women, are a different beast altogether. Weeks might go from liking a photo before you receive a non-committal response and you don't know if you ought to introduce yourself or just go into a tangent about a topic of interest.

It's always a bit hard when I'm shy, both online and in person, when it comes to meeting new people. But once the conversation starts, I can become quite gregarious when the mood takes me. And confrontational too as happened during one of the dinner dating experiences where I met Hong Kong and Jordan.

Anyways, suffice it to say, it's been hard trying to date women in comparison to men. Although, there have been a few I've managed to talk to now.

None of them, of course, being Rad from Good Game because, believe or not, I saw she had a profile on HINGE! And yes, I may have liked a photo in the hopes we could become friends. Alas.

Still, perhaps it's for the best. How do you approach someone you've seen on the internet anyways? And it would just be too weird. Like suddenly realising Natalie Tran of communitychannel fame were to reach out to me and declare that we're best buds. Of course, that hasn't stopped me from hoping I'd bump into her on the streets of Sydney one of these days and either hugging her or giving her a chill fist-bump.

As you do.

In so saying, one of my friends who reads this blog has a sister who only knows of the Kyndaris represented here in these words. And it's a little unnerving when I ponder the possibility of her ever meeting me in person because I'm certainly not as eloquent when speaking in person. Then there's the fact of my appearance. Honestly, I'm just afraid I'd disappoint.

Anyways, dating!

So, although it's nearly the end of the year on writing this post, I've not actually gone on any dates with women. Yes, we chat, but neither side is willing to take the plunge. And given the fact I'm more of a Wednesday rather than an Enid, it might take a very long time. Unless I gather up my courage and simply ask.

Unfortunately, though, my weekends have been quite packed with a lot of catch-ups with friends and (at time of writing) my poor grandmother was hospitalised after we went to check her failing eyesight at an ocular surgeon's clinic. And no, it's nothing serious and she'll probably have been discharged when this post goes live, but it's just another burden on me. Coupled with the fact my mum has absconded to China, it's not been an easy few months.

On the plus side, it won't be as weird if there IS a connection with a special someone and I decide to bring them back to my place? Not sure what we'd do, though. Maybe they can watch me play video games? Or we could just chat.

So, this isn't a story about going on a date with someone. This, dear reader, is a story about NEARLY going on a date with someone.

But how can you NEARLY go out on a date with someone, I hear you ask? Quite simple!

In early October, after my road trip with a few friends down to the Southern Coast, I was texting a woman - let's call her Senorita. We exchanged a chats about mythology, primarily in terms of Medusa and if Athena's actions were right or not. But while she was of the view Athena turned the woman into a Gorgon in order to protect Medusa, I told Senorita it depends on which version of the myth you read as the legends have been retold over the centuries with a new bent.

Plus, if Athena truly wanted to protect Medusa, why give Perseus a mirror shield to help slay the poor woman afterwards? In any case, the Greek Gods were a contrary lot and trying to understand their motives is an exercise in futility.

From humble beginnings, Senorita then asked if I was more of an impulse-driven thrill seeker or someone who liked to plan things out. The answer, I'm sure, dear reader, you can figure out.

After I gave her my answer, she told me to live a little and then asked if I was free on the weekend.

Unfortunately, I was not as I was catching up with friends and needed some time out after going on a road trip and then getting a hair cut, and then driving all the way to Central Coast to show it off to a dear friend.

So, then, I posed the question if Senorita was free the next weekend. Her response? She was going camping. Which, honestly, was fair.

She did, however, tell me she was free on Friday.

I, however, told her I was going to meet work friends on Friday in Parramatta to check out a festival involving good food, music and entertainment. Senorita, for some unknown reason, latched onto the idea of meeting up afterwards. But by afterwards, she meant about 6 PM, only an hour after the festival would begin.

Given the time constraints, and the fact I'd already agreed ahead of time to meet my work friends, I replied it would be tight but I would see what I could do. I even informed her it might have to be after 6, and perhaps 7, if we wanted to grab dessert or something for a quick meet-up.

Senorita agreed.

On the day, I caught up with my work friends at 5 PM, right outside the train station before we headed further into the festival of 'Parramatta Lanes.' Along the way, we admired the stalls, checking to see what kind of foods were on offer. I, of course, showed off my new haircut to their utter amazement as they hadn't expected such a dramatic change from me.

After heading down the main food street in Parramatta, we headed to the rooftop party at a local carpark. One foodtruck that caught our eye was Kurepu Crepes Harajuku, the most tiktoked crepe! Unfortunately, none of my work friends were eager to join the massive line.

Unsatisfied with the food options available, we headed to an actual restaurant. By then, it was 6 PM and I let Senorita know I was having dinner with my work friends. I even gave her the option of coming over to where we were eating: Coco Cubano or meeting up afterwards. For some reason, Senorita was reticent, telling me to enjoy dinner but not advising if we were going to meet up later.

By the time my work friends and I finished dinner, it was a few minutes after 7. Given I'd given Senorita that approximate timeframe, and with my work friends wishing to depart right afterwards, I messaged Senorita to see if they were keen for that meet-up.

As I walked to my car, I received no reply from the woman. By then, it had been a good thirty minutes since I'd sent her the message and I wasn't keen on waiting around for someone who wouldn't reply to me even though I had been giving her clear communication throughout the night, and she had tried to force a meet-up even after I'd told her I was meeting friends.

It wasn't until I finally got home that I received a message from Senorita over Hinge telling me she didn't think I'd be able to make it and that she agreed to go to a gig with a friend. She then told me we could reschedule the meet-up (which, honestly, should have happened beforehand with her realising I wasn't going to ditch my friends over someone I'd only just chatted to on the internet). I wished her luck at the gig and she told me she would.

Since then, we haven't chatted since although I was very tempted to unmatch her there and then.

What I got out of the entire experience was the temerity of some of the people on the Hinge app. Why force yourself into a night out when I was already seeing my work friends? And then later flake even though I had told you exactly where I was and the approximate time I'd finish?

Utterly no respect!

My eye was constantly on the time but I didn't want to be rude to my work friends and brush them off.

In the end, though, if given the same choice, I'd pick my work friends every time over a woman like Senorita.

It also soon transpired that Senorita worked Sunday to Thursday. So, if you were available to meet on Friday, dear Senorita, why were you only camping for a day on Saturday? Is it even camping if you don't do it overnight?

Anyways, it was good riddance to a time-waster.

I'm not sure if the other women I'm currently chatting to will burn me just as bad as Senorita, but it's the risk one takes by putting oneself out there. At the very least, I'm getting to meet new people. And hey, if it doesn't work out, I still have my fictional boyfriends/ girlfriends to keep me going. Along with my Squishmellow Snorlax.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

Hello i have read your entire collection of fics and i gotta say. Wow . what a Talent for the Grime. im not a 2doc girlie unfortunately but I've been softened. won over. I can now see 2doc and go "well that's very interesting. I wanna see where this author goes w it" instead of the general feeling of he would Not fucking say that. bc the truth isthat maybe he would . say those things he says in your fics etc. You understand. Most of all i have an appetite for grime and i have had it Saciated. i saved the plastic beach fics for the end bc i knew they'd be the ones id be more predisposed 2wards and while i was right i will say -> paula fic sweep. i love ms cracker she's such a cunt. as a dyke well all i can say is come 2 bed sweetheart your horrible mean gross standoffish attitude is wasted on a rockstar like stuart. I haven't read a hotter woman in a while Congrats. um but yeah also the plastic beach fics i left some comments bc oysters got to me Bad i never fully felt the impact of plastic beach from a murdoc perspective w such INCISIVENESS and POWER just the fucking spiraling horror of putting yourself in that position out of desperation and PRIDE??? god. GOD. and then the fic you have pinned. the fic that.made me check out your ao3. god . ive been in bad relationships that hurt me greatly and i had to keep seeing the.person. It was So cathartic. the mixing of 2ds identity w murdocs the enmeshment the. The

sorry 4.the.long ask im a little drunk but you HAVE to know you have got a NEW BIG FAN

i wanna see.more of your noodle and cyborg noodle :( noodlez mean so much 2me and 2d and noodle in seething coast got to me so fucking bad. russ' small role also got me weeping but not as much as 2d and bday girl noodle ending did. your 2d is perhaps the most interesting read ive seen on the character so far .

This message brought so much joy to my night, as did your comments on AO3! I apologize for my lateness; I absolutely intend to respond to them over there (as far as my intentions go for the foreseeable future I will always respond to comments or asks, so long as anyone is kind enough to stop by! It just takes a few days sometimes, whoops) but I'm so enchanted by the ephemeral nature of the drunk message, I've got to let you know I've seen it, haha.

I love the sentence "unfortunately, I am not a 2Doc girlie" as it feels quite backwards from the other side of it. I would say, being someone who has written exclusively 2Doc stories for their fanfiction career and runs a bizarrely devoted 2Doc blog years longer than they ought to have, being a 2Doc girlie is an unfortunate thing to be. I wouldn't blame you having apprehensions! If you can believe it, when I got into Gorillaz I would avoid the shipping element altogether and skip past any 2Doc that popped up along my way; I also felt a sense of... neutrality to profound disinterest toward it, and had things gone differently after I may have bowed out without any lasting words exchanged and moved forward along the fandom line, as so many do. I felt some sense of shame, I think, to admit I was reshaping the characters by my own wants, but I accept now that this is what Gorillaz fandom is; the nearer to canon one can go in tone, the better, but there's a point where the road forks (splinters into four forks, and four more further down, really) and for the sake of your own stability and consistency, you have to make a decision about that character's path. Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling! Hopefully that doesn't bore you to tears, but your message made me think about it all again, and I enjoy doing so!

Thank you for reading everything, good gravy, it's a tall order and I'm just-- I am beyond flattered. I am beyond humbled. I am moderately embarrassed by some of the early writing, but I'm incredibly touched nonetheless. I am especially grateful for Paula to make her way into a loving home, biting and spitting all the way. Stuart is not and will never be equipped for the job. ("It's rotten work, especially if it's you," only Paula's not asking him to do it and she's sure as shit not offering it in return. God, I love that woman.)

Thank you. I don't know if it's too sappy and too sincere to say, but I think we grow in sincerity, I think we are emotionally and mentally fed by honesty even to a degree of discomfort, and so I swallow that embarrassment and say... you naming those stories, sharing your thoughts, sharing with me a connection and a sense of caring for Oysters, Ampersands, Seething Coast-- the stories that I cared most for, stories that drew the most from myself even when I tried to obscure it, stories that still sit close to the breast-- that is special. That really means more to me than a comical reply can express. I'm really glad that these scenes meant something to you and that they get to live in another person. That's the horror and the prize of writing, it's the thing you dread doing wrong and losing in the void; but to hear months or years later that it's found someone, and they felt something for it, and they're not embarrassed for you that you've stumbled through making something like this from these characters, that's all you can dream of. That's everything. It matters very much. I can't say I have anything new on the horizon for Noodle (...and I can't say what I have done in the past few months is anywhere near cresting the horizon) but this message gets my heart thu-thumping and has me mulling her over. Maybe one day we can revisit the mess again. If you'd like to listen, this song always makes me think of Stu and Noodle, specifically on that illusion of solid ground in the years after Plastic Beach. I listened to it sometimes to get in the mood to write them.

[fateandloveentwined]

the death was silent—like it has always meant to be

—on Severus Snape in "Correspondence" by seekeronthepath

link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12993096/chapters/30102246

note: this is on the fandom of harry potter, and I apologise if it is understandably nothing of what you wish to see; it will not be the main content of my blog regardless. Feel free to block out the tag hp fandom if it is so; I will always tag accordingly.

There was a news excerpt in the epilogue that Snape killed off 10 giants who wreaked havoc throughout but were absent in the final battle at Hogwarts. Then he was found dead at Hogwarts. Perhaps that was his only solace. And given that Draco was sentenced to a year at Azkaban, I doubt Snape would have gone off for less, if not definitely worse. Perhaps to die at this point was the best for his life; or in all seriousness, having his defection finally acknowledged was enough to justify that he honoured the life he lived. It was a tiny piece of news excerpt; and maybe, indeed, Snape never played that big a role in Dumbledore’s order—or so it appeared, or so he was—he was never headmaster in this universe, Minerva was—he meant the world to Draco, and his legacy in potion development, while in a very small part salvaged by Draco, barely at all redeemed him. It was a kind of melancholic beauty and sorrow, one of lament, but as one ought to say, he lived his worth.

And it is so. The world is not full of sunshine and rainbows as Rowling makes it to be. Snape was not a good man; JKR redeemed him in ways that elevated him above many others—who is to say he was even the only spy in the Order? That would never have worked, logistically—a trusted advisor he was of the Dark Lord—this most fanfictions made it doubly so—who is to say the Dark Lord trusted him—how blind is Voldemort’s trust of his followers, and for what unfathomable justifications? Snape did his work, his sacrifices, his death—death being a pivotal part of it—and Harry Potter elevated it beyond measure (and for JKR to build a radiant ending with Albus Severus Potter, while the readers were still reeling from Severus’ true loyalties toward the end of the Deathly Hallows). But it is so, that life is not as perfect, and Snape has truly lived a life of darkness—and that only those of the readers who seek it would draw beyond the veil to peer at the melancholic beauty and radiant honour of the darkness. (I’m using the word honour here because, well, righteousness or chivalry hardly suits the character, does it.) It can very much be so that he simply lived and died, taking along a few giants on his way. He was never the key player to either side of the war—and should he ever contributed thusly, it was never meant to be known.

I just… there’s an exquisite beauty in Snape dying this way, his name slightly vindicated, never exonerated, just as if that’s what it was always meant to be.

[longpahern]

How To Eradicate Your Emotional Health Problems Including In...

The tensions and stress of daily life can bring with it a range of psychological health issue. These can consist of anxiety, stress and anxiety, panic, sleeping disorders and irritation attacks. In this post I blog about each of these prospective issues and recommend services to conquer them. Anxiety I make sure that all of us end up being depressed at various times of our life, I definitely do. It is simple to let individuals and things get us down. We can begin to sympathize with ourselves and to believe that the world is working versus us. The brain has 2 halves, unfavorable and favorable. In these durations of anxiety the unfavorable side presumes control and it can end up being extremely tough to leave this rut. I see the favorable side of my brain as an apple and the unfavorable side as a pear. I will not be able to experience the delight of consuming apples if I just ever consume pears. In other words I need to provide the favorable side a possibility to assist me to reach a state of joy and I require to discover to overlook the unfavorable. Stress and anxiety and anxiety attack Sometimes individuals begin ending up being nervous about their future or perhaps about their present circumstance. This can in particular cases even lead on to stress attacks. In my viewpoint stressing does not assist the scenario, it just makes things even worse. When this happens I attempt really tough to break the cycle and I even talk to the devils in my head. I inform them that they will not win and that I will not worry any longer. Sleeping disorders Having difficulty with sleeping during the night can take place for a variety of factors, the primary among which is tension. Other causes are snoring, a consumption of excessive caffeine, a loud environment or anxiety. I have actually blogged about tension and anxiety currently, it is likewise time to minimize the coffee. A basic tip in possibly resolving sleeping disorders, is to check out a book in bed before trying to get to sleep. This book needs to assist you to get your mind far from any stress and anxieties you might have, it needs to unwind your body and must likewise tire your eyes. Irritation When individuals lose sleep or work to hard they can end up being over worn out and this can result in irritation. This can trigger individuals to have a greater pulse rate, making their muscles feel tight and can leave individuals likewise feeling sluggish and distressed. It is necessary to for that reason make sure that you acquire a great quantity of hours sleep per night (a minimum of 7) which you just work a particular quantity of hours each week. Cash is essential to individuals, nevertheless in my viewpoint health ought to be the top priority. Solutions to these psychological illness I have actually concerned understand that I require to treat myself from time to time. I have actually constantly discovered it tough to unwind and would frequently feel stressed out and under pressure. I now utilize numerous techniques at various times of the year to assist me to relax a bit and to reward my body. These consist of aromatherapy, utilizing organic items, going to tai chi lessons and I have actually even attempted Yoga. I need to confess I might never ever get to grips with Yoga, nevertheless have actually heard it can show to be really useful to individuals who can. Meditation My preferred kind of relaxation is by practicing meditation. I do this by resting on a straight back chair and by essentially focusing with my eyes closed. I pay specific notification to my breathing and it has actually definitely assisted me to see things in a much clearer method. In conclusion there are lots of methods of lowering psychological health issue and with decision you have the ability to see your method to a much better and brighter future. Steve Hill The tensions and stress of daily life can bring with it a range of psychological health issues. These can consist of anxiety, stress and anxiety, panic, irritation and sleeping disorders attacks. In this post I compose about each of these prospective issues and recommend services to conquer them. It is simple to let individuals and things get us down. I need to confess I might never ever get to grips with Yoga, nevertheless have actually heard it can show to be extremely advantageous to individuals who can.

https://click4information.com/lifestyle/how-to-eradicate-your-emotional-health-problems-including-in/

[jcmarchi]

font-size Limbo

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/font-size-limbo/

font-size Limbo

You might recall that Alvaro suggests bumping up font-size to 1.25rem from the default user agent size of 16px. Sebastian Laube pokes at that:

I wouldn’t adopt Alvaro’s suggestion without further ado, as I would waste so much space on a smartphone, for example, and many users would probably be irritated by the large font.

I set a font size of 1.2rem from a certain viewport size. But this also has to be done carefully, because then grey areas arise in which media queries suddenly fall back into another area…

I personally agree with Alvaro that the default 16px size is too small. That’s just how I feel as someone who is uncomfortably close to wearing the bottoms of actual Coke bottles to see anything clearly on a screen.

On the flip side, I professionally agree with Sebastian, not that many users would probably be irritated by the large font, but to openly question an approach rather than adopting someone else’s approach wholesale based on a single blog post. It may very well be that a font-size bump is the right approach. Everything is relative, after all, and we ought to be listening to the people who use the thing we’re making for decisions like this.

The much bigger question is the one Sebastian poses right at the end there:

Should browsers perhaps use a larger font size on large screens from the outset if the user does not specify otherwise? Or do we need an information campaign to make them aware that they should check their system settings or set a different default font size in the browser?

Fantastic, right?! I’m honestly unsure where I’d draw the viewport breakpoint for 16px being either too large or small and where to start making adjustments. Is 16px the right default at any viewport size? Or perhaps user agents ought to consider a fluid type implementation that defines a default font scale and range of sizes instead? It’s great food for thought.

Direct Link →

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Your blog is so nice and your talent is amazing! Thank you for delivering such a wonderful content <33

Would you mind to write anything about s/o caressing Undertaker's scars? Thank you anyway!

aaaaa thank you so much, you’re so sweet!! I have a lot of fun here so thank you guys for requesting <3

God I am SO SOFT............

He curses himself when he flinches.

Were the circumstances normal, UNDERTAKER usually loves to be touched by his beloved. Being close to them in every way he possibly can be, including when they set their hands upon his skin with nothing between, is one of the things he lives for. One of the things that makes him feel alive, the spark of hope that makes him think everything is worth it.

But (Name) has just let their fingertips ghost over the scar which wraps around his pinkie, and he’s jumped nearly a meter.

He really ought to be more composed than that. Unfortunately, though he can almost ignore the presence of his scars most of the time, any touch against them is enough to shift some memories to the front of his mind. The scars themselves aren’t tender the way a fresh scar or a bruise or a cut would be; the parts of his emotional self which connect to the physical, however, are incredibly tender.

They’ve never healed, mainly because he tries to pretend, where other people are concerned, that those emotional scars don’t even exist.

“’Pologies, darlin’,” he chuckles, and closes his fingers around theirs. “Jus’ spooked me a l’il there. Y’know I’m an old man, gotta take it easy on me!”

They give him a bashful smile. “No, no, I’m sorry. Were you thinking about something?”

He hums. “Nothin’ more than usual, just the rocks in my ‘ead ‘n’ all, hehe! Guess if y’ ever need ta get my attention, y’ got a sure way, at least.”

“Haha… that I do, I suppose.” All is quiet for a moment, until they give his hand a light squeeze. “Does it… hurt? When I touch the scars, I mean. I won’t do it ever again if it hurts you.”

God. How did he deserve them? How in the name of rhyme and reason did the universe line up to afford him someone so considerate? “Now, don’t y’ worry y’r pretty little ‘ead ‘bout that. I’m jus’ fine.”

When their head tilts at him, he can see the curiosity glimmering in their eyes. Perhaps he ought not have told them that. The only saving grace is that he knows them well enough to know they wouldn’t ever try to hurt him on purpose.

Even so, they lift their hand to come at him again. His heartbeat, or what passes for one in a creature like him, quickens.

This time, they drag their nails lightly across the scar which practically splits his face in half. And they’re meticulous about it. Their touch begins up at the top of his forehead where the pattern seems to blossom from his hairline. From there he closes his eye to allow their fingertips passage, and they slip over the bridge of his nose.

Their touch finally tapers off when they reach the side of his cheek, where the scar disappears into his jaw. Although it wasn’t as if they were using a lot of force, the way their fingertips draw away is even more gentle.

Maybe it’s the way he’s statue-still the entire time that prompts their soft voice to ask, “Are you sure they don’t hurt, love?”

He hears a shuddering breath, and the fact that he doesn’t feel quite as heavy as before makes him realize that it came from him. “Mmh… no… they don’t ‘urt. ‘S jus’ been… a while… since I let anyone touch ‘em like that. Not used ta it.” That’s not really a lie, is it? he whispers to himself.

“Oh.” It sounds like a lot is packed into that one little word. “Do you… not want me to do it?”

A short little laugh makes its way out. “Lemme ask y’, sweet’eart. Why do y’ wanna do it in the first place?” He adds with his usual teasing tone to cover up any vulnerability, “Plenty’a other places ta touch that might be more fun.”

They snort, then lean forward to give him a kiss. “Maybe. But I don’t know… I just… was looking at you and… thinking about you and… ah. I’m not making sense, am I?”

“Aw, well, where’s the fun in makin’ sense?” He returns the kiss, releasing a sigh against their lips. “Listen, then… if y’ want… go ‘ead.”

“… ‘Go ahead’?”

“Right y’ are.”

Their eyes sparkle at him for a moment, maybe wondering if he’s being serious or being cheeky. Then, slowly, their hand raises up to the scars on his neck, thumb hooking in against his collar as they rest their fingers against his skin.

This time, even though he almost wants to, he doesn’t jump or hold his breath at the contact.

This time, it feels… better. Like they’re pressing a cooling, loving touch to all the pieces of his emotional self that are tied to the scars.

Adrian? They love you, you old bat.

And for right now, that’s enough.

[anakinisvaderisanakin]

Why I Love Rosa’s Scrooge and Goldie Romance the Most

Veering completely out of my lane for this particular blog, but. I’ve always been a huge fan of Don Rosa’s portrayal of Scrooge McDuck and Goldie O’Gilt. I know some wanna deem them “problematic”, and they are indeed less than perfect - which is one of the reasons I am a sucker for their dynamic. They ruined their own chances at a healthy relationship by being too stubborn, too selfish, and too callous with one another. 

Now, with that said, as much as I understand Scrooge’s choice not to open the letter Goldie had sent him - conditioned to expect the worst, and thus willfully choosing to cast aside the note in favour of telling himself Goldie might have loved him. 

We, the audience, know that she does and thus it hurts all the more that he would believe he could never earn her fancy. We understand why he doesn’t read the message, despite the fact that he ought to and it might have made him happier than his eventual fortune ever could.

As much as that hurts; Goldie’s side of things is ever more bitter. 

Imagine pouring your heart out to the man you love, being dead certain he will return if he only gets to read the letter in which your confessions are penned - only for him never to return. Imagine waiting, pining, longing, anticipating. Imagine the days turning to months, to years, to decades. And he never comes. He read the letter, yet he never comes back for you.

So, while Scrooge’s inherent self doubt and low self esteem (his I’m nothing unless I make money and become someone worth admiring mantra) - I believe Goldie took it the hardest. She was the saloon girl, with all the implications behind the profession at the time, and she was turned down by the one man she believed could see past her flaws and what she must have believed had - as a sordid past of sorts - tainted her value as a reputable woman.

Scrooge, who couldn’t care less for Goldie’s social standing or past once he noted what a diligent and hardworking woman she was and what she had sacrificed to get where she was. 

Goldie, who couldn’t care less for Scrooge’s empty wallet and stubborn attitude once getting past his rough exterior to the softer core.

They could have made a great couple, their differences and pigheadedness set aside. Instead, they spent fifty years believing the other didn’t love them back; worn down by unrequited love. That’s why their story is so compelling to me, as it is presented in the comics by Don Rosa. 

Does that mean I don’t like any other Goldie and Scrooge portrayals? Absolutely not, but the tragedy makes the Rosa (and consequently Barks’) iteration my favourite. I like the tragedy, the chaos, the trauma, the deep seated sadness of it all. Is it dysfunctional? Perhaps, but it’s fiction. And I prefer deep, layer characters that are morally gray above strict whites and blacks. 

Also, the drama is on another level - and I find, the older I get, the more I enjoy Rosa’s works (although I did as a teen as well) because of their slightly more mature angle, and the more mature themes. The same reason I enjoy Tintin, I’d recon.

[reidyoulikeabook]

48 from touch prompt list and 75 from prompt list 5 🥺🥺🥺 im so proud of you love such an amazing achievement i love you

-efirstly i love you thank you so much 🥺 secondly the PERFECT two prompts together you have a galaxy brain and i can truly not thank you enough for this!!

Ship: Fem! Reader x Spencer Reid

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings: Some mentions of alcohol consumption & brief olden-time being married young talk.

Prompts: #48 - Dancing with each other & #75 Talking in an Elizabethan style to woo somebody

A/N: I listened to the ‘So Close’ song from the Enchanted soundtrack the entire time I was writing this so...put that on if you want!

A reminder I’m taking prompts for my 1k celebration until May 21st! :)

If Penelope Garcia loved two things in this world - Derek and science fiction aside - it was costumes and parties. So it made sense that for her birthday, she’d decreed she’d be throwing an Elizabethan-style ball. And that everybody had to dress up accordingly. Derek, always eager to put a smile on her face, had offered to throw it at one of his houses.

So it was there that you were headed, on this glorious Saturday night. In a not-so-glorious and infact, quite heavy, Elizabethan era gown. It was a good job you’d elected to take an Uber, because quite frankly the dress weighed a ton. It would have been impossible to drive in.

Good job they didn’t have cars back in the Elizabethan era.

Not that women would have been allowed to drive them anyway.

You’re only a little late when you arrive. Fashionably late, you’d go so far as to say.

“____!” Penelope greets with a squeal, rushing out to embrace you into a hug. You don’t even make it all the way through the door before she’s on you with a flurry.

If you thought your dress was a lot, you have to hand it to the birthday girl. She could never be upstaged. How her gown actually fit inside the house was a mystery, it was huge - puffy with a corset that cinched her in tightly at the waist. Her hair was coiffed into perfect curls. She looked stunning; like she’d stepped right out of a painting.

“You look amazing!” You tell her, squeezing her tightly.

“So do you! I’m so glad you took the theme seriously!”

“I take all themes seriously when it’s you threatening me about them.”

She laughs. “Well Derek did too. And Spencer, the others...” She frowns, “Well, I’d like to say they tried, but Rossi definitely didn’t. He did, however, pay for a gazebo and a live band so I’m willing to let it slide.”

You smile, allowing her to take you inside. She babbles some more on her way in about all the decorations, food, and how next time she’s going to make everybody send her pictures of their outfits beforehand.

She’s right about the gazebo though - it’s beautiful. It has elegant fairylights adorning it, illuminating the place in a candescent glow. The live band is an instrumental one - there’s even a fiddle.

Where the hell did Dave find a fiddle?

He’s rich.

That has to be the satisfactory answer for now. There are far more pressing matters at hand: like everybody’s costumes.

Horch is wearing some fancy suit, Emily has one that’s similar, Rossi clearly is just dressed in his normal attire. J.J appears to have picked one up from a fancy dress shop, but if anyone could make that look good, it’s her. Derek looks an absolute dream - clearly dressed by Penelope. It’s Spencer though, unsurprisingly, who has gone all out. He has a miniature version of one of those puffy collars on, his suit a gorgeous maroon colour. He even has white tights on, with the boots that matched. If there were prizes for best costume - which knowing Penelope, there might well be - she’d be up against some fierce competition.

“Spence!” You chime, opening your arms to greet him, “I love your costume!”

“I love yours too!” He beams, hugging you tightly, “The skirt of your dress is very fitting to the period.”

“Thank you!” You say, reluctantly letting go of him to greet everybody else in turn.

It’s hard to keep your eyes off him though, and everybody knows it. You and Spencer had been dancing around each other for months, the epitome of the will-they-won’t-they, and you can’t help but hope that tonight you might finally cross that threshold.

It’s Penelope’s birthday.

Who are you kidding? Penelope would be ecstatic to claim credit.

***

You’re giddy, not just with the glass of wine in your system. With happiness, the exuberant kind that comes from watching all your friends exist among one another. It doesn’t hurt that Spencer barely leaves your side the entire night. He’s a veritable treasure trove of Elizabethan era facts. You’ve learnt more than any history class could possibly teach you.

A slow song comes on, which is when you decide to seize your opportunity.

Now or never.

You bump your shoulder against his. When you have his attention, you nod towards the dance floor, “Come and dance with me.”

He furrows his brows, clearly weighing up his options in his head.

You affect an Elizabethan lilt, “Thou art going to leave me alone at the ball, fair Lord Reid?”

“I could hardly dream of it,” He says, imitating you, “Would thou care to dance with me?”

He offers out his hand. You take it, noting how he gets the barest blush on his cheeks.

“Thou had me practically petrified, I thought you may never ask,” You tease, accepting his hand, squeezing it once for reassurance.

He laughs, nose crinkling. He rests his hand on your hip hesitantly, only solidifying his grip when you rest yours on his bicep. His other comes to rest on the other side, just above where your dress puffs out. The song playing sounds vaguely familiar, although it’s harder to place with it being an instrumental version.

You lean into him, side-stepping in time with him. He’s not a dancer by nature, that much is clear, but he is surprisingly good at leading.

It’s easy to let him guide you around the dance floor. You stutter a bit, almost tripping. His grip on your hip tightens.

“Be careful fair maiden,” He reprimands teasingly, “Thou wouldn’t want to fall.”

“Thou wouldn’t want to be seen with a maiden who has made a royal fool of herself.”

He shakes his head, “I could hardly bare it.”

“I do not know how you can bare to be seen with me regardless. I’m practically a haggard spinster,” You say, with a dramatic sigh.

He twirls you around, voice slipping back into his normal tone, “Actually it was mainly women from wealthy families who would marry young, from age 12. With poorer or middle class families it was most common for women to be in their mid-twenties by the time they got married, the average age was about 24.”

“Still younger than me,” You retort, stepping in time with him. You’re pressed up against his chest now.

His breath fans over your cheek, from the way he’s bent, from the way you’re leaning in to him. His big hand spans over your back, holding you close to him as he steps to the right.

“Well,” He says, affecting the English accent, “Thou art a lady of the highest stature. A commoner could not possibly hope to marry one such as yourself.”

You giggle, “Oh fair Lord Reid. Whenst will I possibly find a husband?”

With surprising ease, he dips you, allowing you to fall gracefully into his arms. He’s study, supportive. Before you know it, you’re back on your feet.

“Thou might be looking in the wrong places.”

“Pray tell, wherest would one suggest a lady like me ought to look?”

“Perhaps closer to ones home,” He says, English accent - if you could call it that - slipping a little, favouring sincerity.

“How much closer?”

His hands return to your waist, and yours to his chest. There’s only an inch between your bodies. He looks down at you with sincerity brimming in his eyes, “Perhaps a little closer.”

Your hand trails up to his chin. It dips at the mere weight of your thumb resting on it, “Gallant Lord Reid, perhaps this close?”

“Perhaps,” He swallows, voice morphing into the accent again, as if he’s afraid to be vulnerable, “Thou art a maiden, thou art to be courted before marriage.”

“And where would one court a fair maiden like me?”

“Where would the fair maiden like to go?”

“Wherever, as long as you’re the one taking her.”

He swallows. His eyes scan your face, watching how you deliberately look to his plump lips. He hesitates for only a moment longer, before leaning in and planting the most delicate kiss upon them.

If it wasn’t for the elated drunken giggles of everyone else around you, you’d have been lost in the bubble of a moment forever. It’s okay though, because at your wedding, Penelope is sure to tell the tale of the Elizabethan ball where you - the fair maiden - finally got together with your perfect Lord. You have to admit, it’s a good one.

Permanent Spencer tagslist: @ssa-m-187 @reidingmelodies @cyanide-mustard @shesalatesh @sapphic-prentiss @geostarr @kathrynisadogperson @rem-ariiana @spoonielivingfree @starsandshit90 @spencerreidat3am  @takeyourleap-of-faith @sassiest-politician @calm-and-doctor @ssa-m-187  @averyhotchner @muffin-cup @purplewaterbottles082 @reidsnose  @wheelsup @ellesgreenaway @sunlitspence @spencerreid9 @drspencerreidd @reiding-recs @bauemily @cmily @retrxbarnes @jhillio @txmhoelland @spenxerslut @im-autistic-not-stupid @amoeebaa @veridianluv @sad-bitch-h0ur @nighttimerain123 @ytj2304 @reidtome @converse-spence @randomfavtingswall @bethc54 @hubbybowenss @sebstan-is-the-man @justanothercrazyfangirl @eli-side-blog @vntgreid @reidmeastory @reidemandweep @ggublerss @s1lverhand @cigarette-day-dread @newtmyheart @i-understood-that-reference @willowrose99 @v-is-obsessive

(message me to be removed - visit my taglist form to join!)

[ruki--mukami]

« It's also such a relief to hear that my posts are interesting no matter the subject at hand. Oftentimes I wonder if I'm truly improving or not, so it has me absolutely elated to hear it from someone else outside the critical voice in my head that I'm keeping things interesting for others to read. Every day I'm learning new words and phrasings to incorporate in my own writing, which makes the asks I receive the perfect practice. I can only hope perhaps it can teach others as well and we can all learn together. » — your say.

First, I should tell you you should be proud of yourself. You’re a wondrous, an amazing writer. Every day when I go to tumblr, I visit tumblr accounts and you’re one of them. Your portrayal is CANON. Like, literally. You aren’t afraid of showing the true colors of MUKAMI Ruki, one of the reasons why I wanted to start a roleplay with you FIRST. Everything is amazing. You, improving ? Tell me you show how excellent are your writing skills please, but I know the modesty is what any artist ought to have. Our interactions are amazing, yesterday I was so happy when you sent me an ask ( about Virgina Woolf sorry I love this woman I want to CRY ) &. Ruki is one of my favorite characters because … I just feel like I am like him. Not the dark parts ofc. I am talking about his love for soup, responsibilities and literature’s passion. Anyway, you’re more than amazing and keep going. Don’t give up.

🧩 Oh my goodness, thank you so much!! This means so much to me.😭 Yes, I find much joy in displaying some of the more dark sides of Ruki for sure, his sadistic side included as well as his punishments. To be honest, I’ve never written anything like this before the creation of this blog, ahaha. I only wrote academic papers and essays, never anything fictional, so your kind words have offered me much reassurance. T_T I’m absolutely besotted with your writing. It’s flattering to roleplay with someone so, so talented. It’s people like you who help me improve, especially when I’ve never written with someone with such a beautifully verbose style. I’m looking forward to what you have to say in that ask and perhaps Ruki will have to visit the inbox more often. 👀👀👀Thank you again for your touching words of encouragement, seriously. Don’t worry, since I won’t be giving up any time soon. 😤❤️🧩

[isthisthingeven0n]

hear you : a.h

after celebrating your promotion with hotch, it tragically ends in an accident with you hospitalised and comatose. yet, somehow you can hear everyone around you, wishing for you to wake up. (1.9k) 

all my links

hear you / every word 

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK - IT IS ALL MY OWN WRITING

Everything that night occurred in an instant. No one had time to change what happened, even if you wished the events had happened in a different order.

If you hadn’t left the restaurant first and walked ahead whilst Hotch admired the fleeting moment. You were laughing giddily as you turned to face him, his arms were crossed over his chest as you danced, still joyful after celebrating your promotion. Perhaps if he caught up to you it would’ve been someone else lying on the ground.

Yet, as you lie on the ground, life draining from your gaze you can’t help but wonder; what if?

The events that lead to you strapped to a hospital bed lifelessly could have all been avoided. If the driver hadn’t drunk away his sorrows before picking up his children, families would still be together and one less hospital bed would be filled.

All you can hear is the monotone beeping of your heart monitor. The stench of antibacterial sprays and gels embed themselves into your nostrils alongside the fragrant flowers from Garcia that litter your private room. But out of everything in your environment, there’s one thing you’re still waiting on; to hear him, to hear Hotch by your side.

What you’re currently certain of is that you’re asleep, comatose. Yet, you can hear everything. This was the sort of thing you’d witnessed happen in TV shows, and you’ve listened to Spencer sitting beside you, explaining to Penelope that there have been no claims of comatose patients hearing voices. How they can hear movements or faint sounds, but no details of conversations. All you can do is wait whilst you remain trapped in your own thoughts, unable to react to anything said.

Your daily routine since being ‘awake’ is being checked multiple times a day by various Doctors and Nursers. They’re very caring as they monitor your heart rate, brain waves, temperature and your comfort levels. You listen to them report technical jargon to one another, and now you wish you paid more attention to Spencer last week after he visited his old Doctor.

Thankfully, you’re allowed to have visitors which makes all the difference- even if they are oblivious to the impact they’re making.

The first person to visit you tends to be Garcia, you can hear the urgency in her footsteps as her heels click against the lament flooring. She sits with you for a while before work, telling you about how Morgan keeps singing out of tune whilst she is on the phone to him. You wish you could laugh at the little things she describes, hearing about your family try and carry on without you.

Spencer stops by after work with JJ. You can hear how his voice cracks when he sits beside you, JJ on your other side as she rests her hand on yours. Spencer recites facts about comatose patients and if often interrupted by JJ with some happier news about Henry and describes the drawing she brought. You wish you could see it, feel the textures of the paint and cotton he used.

Yet, as much as you love your family, he still hasn’t been.

“Hey, baby girl.” You hear Morgan walk over toward you, pulling the ancient chair out as it squeaks against the floor. “Garcia tells me you’ve been on your own all day,” He begins and you internally chuckle. “and we can’t have that so I thought you’d love nothing more than your best man to come on by.” Morgan nudges your hand playfully and laughs to himself.

You’re desperate to laugh along, joke back like old times, tell him how much Penelope has been going on about their phone conversations and the workplace issues that have arisen.

“I know you haven’t seen him yet,” Morgan’s tone changes, the light-heartedness has dropped. “but he has been trying, trust me, we see it every day.” A sigh follows from him, and Morgan drops his head in his hands, thankful you haven’t had to witness the state Hotch has been getting himself into.

“He tries every day to come and see you, baby girl. He, he makes it to the entrance of the hospital and just,” Morgan knows exactly what it is, but he doesn’t want to tell you.

Sometimes, the silence is enough for you to figure it out. ‘It isn’t his fault.’ You want to yell out, scream at the top of your lungs, but you remain motionless, simply listening.

Hotch enters the hospital every day since the accident. He came in with you, running by your side as you were wheeled straight into surgery. He stood still as the doors slammed in front of him, taking you out of his sight.

“But erm, we found out about the guy who caused this. His name was Robert Kingshill.” Morgan starts, unaware that both Penelope and Spencer have already explained the details to you. You home in and out of Morgan’s explanation about how Robert was an abusive husband, his children both under 5 years. “He died on arrival.”

‘And no one will miss him.’

“Sorry to interrupt,” A new voice chimes in, one of the nurses who has been seeing to you; Savannah. She’s sweet, attentive and engages with your family. “I just have to check her vitals, I’ll be a few minutes at most.”

“Of course, do you want me to step out?” Morgan asks, his voice softening after he clears his throat. You can almost picture him sitting up straighter, flashing that signature Derek Morgan smirk.

“It’s okay, are we still on for dinner tonight?” Savannah asks, catching you completely off guard as your heart rate spikes. “Shit.” She mutters, watching as your heart rate relaxes once more, back to a normal pace.

“What was that?” Morgan speaks up, concern lacing his tone.

Savannah remains silent for a moment, too long for your liking. “Just a spike, they can happen now and then.” She brushes it off and steps out of the room, leaving Morgan with you alone once more.

*

“Do you think she can hear us?” Garcia asks as her hand remains in yours, holding it gently whilst Emily hovers by the window, watching as the rain falls against the window.

A loud disheartened sigh echoes. “I don’t know, Pen.” Emily states as she turns around. “But if she can, it’s kinda rude for her not to wake up.” Emily chuckles, and Penelope joins in for a second.

“If you can hear us, Y/n,” Penelope starts, and you can hear the shake in her voice. “we all love you, and miss you dearly.”

“We’re all still here, and will be until you wake up.” Emily adds as she smiles to Penelope, holding her hand out as she gladly accepts as tears fill her eyes once more.

Sniffing to herself, Penelope glances over to the empty doorway. “And, and Hotch misses you, Y/n. I know, I know he hasn’t been here yet, but he loves you, and Jack does too.”

The thought of Jack causes your heart to ache, how you miss that boy deeply in the evenings when you would go over. Jack would always ask for your help with homework or read with him before he went to sleep. Last month, he called you ‘Mom’ and you didn’t know how to react, neither did Aaron. But you let it happen, and carried it on.

Just as Jack felt he had a new Mom, he was at risk of losing her too.

“Come on, we ought to go, let her rest.” Emily states as she walks over to Penelope, taking her arm.

If only they could hear you. You were done with resting.

*

It has almost been a month. At least that is what you hear them say. Outside it has become colder, snow comes and goes, but it never sticks. With ease, you can now clearly differentiate the nurses and the doctors’ voices, even by the sigh after they do their checks. You’ve heard them discuss your frequent brain activity, which is a good sign. They’re now thinking you’re going to wake up, that it could be any day. But then again, they’ve been saying that for the last two weeks.

Another Doctor walks in and checks over you, nothing out of the ordinary as you wish he would stop humming that awful TV show tune. “You have a visitor this morning, Miss Y/L/N.” He states which is unusual, your visitors are never announced to you, they just sort of appear.

Your ears perk up to the sound of shuffling, quickly followed by a restricted sob, one you sadly could pinpoint; Aaron.

“Hi, Y/n,” Aaron quietly speaks up, his voice hoarse as the chair scrapes across the floor and he reaches out, taking your cold hand in his. “I’m sorry I haven’t been sooner.” He turns to business mode, forcing confidence even though he’s breaking apart, seeing you like this. “I just,”

‘It’s okay, Aaron. Take your time.’ You want to tell him, that it’s not easy, nothing about this is. But you simply listen as he exhales shakily and he takes lifts his other hand, enveloping yours into both of his.

A small sigh breaks the moment of silence. “Jack, he keeps asking about where you are. I’m running out of options here, Y/n.” He chuckles out of worry. “Jessica has been great, taking care of him and everything, I’ve barely left my office since the accident.” Hotch explains, seeing flashes of light illuminating you that night, like an angel. The excitement in your expression turning to pure terror as he ran toward you, but was too late.

Hotch was always too late to save the women he loves.

“I just, I need you, Y/n.” Hotch mutters. “I can’t lose you too, I just can’t.” Soft cries sound from him as the door opens, and he sniffs quietly.

“Sorry to interrupt, I’ll come back later.” Someone speaks up, and Hotch nods to them before returning his attention to you.

He tried not to stare at the evident wounds and scars that will line your skin forever. The stitches on your forehead from where you hit the ground.

Hotch will never forget how he held you in his arms as you were bleeding, eyes glazed over as he yelled for you to keep your eyes open.

“I know sometimes things aren’t always easy for us, with cases and barely having time to ourselves. But I really wanted that night to be special, you deserved a night to be reminded how wonderful you are.” Hotch chuckles dryly, looking around the room. “Look where that got us.”

‘It’s not your fault, Aaron.’ You scream internally, wishing you could just take hold of his hand, squeeze it tightly and never let go. ‘Please, just listen to me, please.’

“I know it’s taken me too long to get here, but I don’t know if I can do this, Y/n.” Hotch’s voice hitches as his hands begin to slip out from yours. “Reid mentioned how talking to comatose patients is supposed to help but er, I guess we’ll eventually find out.”

Rising to his feet, you plead for him to stay, to not leave you here alone.

“I love you Y/n.” Hotch calls out as he stands in the doorway, seeing your chest rising and falling rhythmically, remembering the days where you’d lie beside him in bed, enjoying the moment of tranquil before Jack wound run through the door, waking you from a deep sleep. “I promise I’ll be back soon.”

As Hotch turns the corner, he can’t stop the tears from falling as he collapses against one of the walls. Silent cries sound from his lips as a Nurse approaches him, but he brushes her off.

“Aar,” Your lips begin to part, a faint sound leaving them. But then silence returns, and you’re still trapped in your mind, wishing he could return.

PART TWO

[stardestroyer81]

If the Fated Acolyte and Quincy T. Page are any indication, it's no surprise that I love creating self-inserts that are designed as faithfully to their source material/time period as I can manage! And after discovering two games that would ultimately shape this blog into what it is today— Rivals/Lovers of Aether respectively— it only took a couple of days before I decided to design a self-insert for the Aether franchise.

And I did! ... sort of.

Because designing a Rivals/Lovers of Aether self-insert would involve choosing an animal to base myself on as well as drawing him anthropomorphically as well as taking what I would come up with for his Rivals design and make a Lovers-accurate design based on it... the prospect of a Rivals/Lovers S/I was easier said than done.

However, I did have a general idea of what I wanted his character to be like for both iterations, and before long introduced Psycha, the Clairvoyant Enigma, to my blog in this post right here! It was after I uploaded this post that I began scouring the internet for inspiration on how to design an anthropomorphic sheep character, and while I did ultimately begin a sketch of Psycha's Rivals counterpart...

Longtime followers know which counterpart came first.

And as of today, February third...

It's been a full year since the creation of Psycha's Lovers of Aether design!

Personally, of all of the OCs and self-inserts that I've shown off on this blog, I think Psycha may very well be my ultimate favorite. While I make sure to design all of my self-inserts to have an aspect that I have— whether that means their personality or what they look like— I find that Psycha is the absolute closest to who I am as a person (Barring the fact that he's a 4'10" sheep, of course).

So, some time after I began speaking of him more and more in various posts on this blog, I knew that I wanted to draw him again for the one year anniversary of the design of his Lovers of Aether iteration. I initially intended on drawing up a completed art piece of his Rivals of Aether iteration, which is pretty much finalized by now, though...

I think it's safe to say that Psycha's Lovers design is the definitive Psycha.

Some might notice two interesting details in this drawing of Psycha; firstly, he's not wearing his usual blue plaid flannel. I realized when going into drawing him again that I had only drawn Psycha without it once, and that sketch didn't even end up being posted. I figured I ought to draw him in just the t-shirt he wears underneath it for a change— it's also the first time you get to see his full 'Supaboy' shirt design, which is modeled after the Super Famicom logo!

Secondly, proudly pinned to his chest is a heart-shaped bi flag pin. I decided to include this because, in all honesty, I didn't start embracing the fact that I was bisexual until a little after I designed Psycha, which was when I knew for certain that I swung both ways in terms of gender attraction.

It's kind of an unwritten rule at this point that all of my self-inserts are bisexual, though the most bi S/I of them all is for certain Psycha. Even in spite of his sheepishness, I feel as though he would be proud to show off who he is with such a pin, and it fits his design a lot better than I expected it to. Perhaps I'll make it a permanent addition!

I'm really proud of this drawing of Psycha, seeing as in some ways it's a fully realized version of this sketch, and I hope that you've enjoyed reading about the process of this art piece of Clairen's very canon love interest!

(As a side note... hey, Dan Fornace and @elranno, since it was decided to add the four new workshop rivals to the Rivals lineup... can we make Psycha canon to the Lovers universe for real? 👀)

[bailey-reaper]

Hello! I think birds and bees talk was already mentioned here, but may I actually request drabble about Klint giving the talk to Barok? I would love to read how that went!

The Talk ™

Notes: Hi anon! Yes, I'm sure it's been mentioned somewhere on the blog! XD (it's amazing that there are about 200 pieces on here thus far, so quite a lot to pour through!). Let's see just how much Barok would like the ground to swallow him up...

Content Warnings: the talk™; embarrassment; wishing for divine intervention; why won't the ground open up?; redder than Klint's formal jacket...; no birds / bees were harmed; Barok might have taken psychic damage (but he's ok)

Klint poked his head into Barok's room and saw his younger brother dutifully (and neatly) packing a suitcase ahead of going to study at the University of London. It was rather sad to think how empty the house would be without the younger one to keep him company, but he couldn't be prouder to see Barok heading off to study law.

"How's the packing coming along?" he asked as he entered and flopped down unceremoniously on Barok's bed beside where he was stood, "Do you have everything you need? Is a shopping trip in order?"

"Oh... hello brother," Barok smiled as Klint flopped on his bed, he shook his head, "I don't think I need to go shopping, everything appears to be present and accounted for..." in truth he was feeling a little nervous about leaving home – he'd had the luxury of living with Klint for all his life thus far, so it felt strange to be packing off for a dormitory in London.

He could have stayed in the Mayfair home, of course, but he thought it right and proper to immerse himself in varsity life; especially as Klint had spoken so highly of the experience from when he went.

"Wow... who'd have thought it, huh?" Klint folded his arms and grinned, "My little brother... packing off to University! I couldn't be more proud of you!"

"Thank you..." Barok smiled and ducked his head to focus on neatly tucking his clothing to make maximum use of the luggage he intended to take, "I'm... very happy to hear that I make you proud, brother."

"You do, very much so!" his older brother gave him a beaming smile, before kicking himself up into a sitting position, "Oh! But before you go..." a thoughtful expression crossed his face, "I suppose there is a matter of importance that I ought to talk to you about..."

"Hm?" Barok tilted his head and wondered whatever could make his brother look so pensive –– words of wisdom, or warning, about living on a campus, perhaps? He sat down, "What matter might that be, brother?"

"Well... you've spent all of your life up until now living with me and working along side me in the Prosecutor's Office... I realise that this is the first time I won't be around to cramp your style–– you'll be a free agent!"

"What? You've never once cramped my style!"

"Hah! Perhaps not, but no doubt University will be a place where you'll experiment with all manner of things, including certain... pursuits."

"Pursuits?" Barok was not following, in fact his head tilted even more as his brows furrowed, "What kind of pursuits?"

"Why, pursuits of a sexual nature dear lad!"

"................................................... huh?" he could feel a heat in his cheeks almost instantly upon the word 'sexual' passing Klint's lips, "W-w-w-what on earth...." then, it dawned on him that his big brother was intending to have the talk with him; the 'birds and the bees' discourse, "N-no! I um.. .what .... what on earth would give you that impression! I intend to devote myself to my studies brother!!"

"Come now, Barok!" Klint laughed and patted his back, "You're a handsome young man and you're about to be free to enjoy all the delights that university life has to offer – both in terms of intellectual rigor AND a more... extracurricular nature! It's all part of growing up!"

He coughed, tugging at the collar of his poet shirt as he suddenly felt incredibly flustered, "I... well... um... I really don't think this is... necessary... at all."

"So!" it really was adorable how beet red his younger brother was, Klint couldn't help but wish he had some sort of photographic device with which to take a picture of him, "I have no doubt you're familiar with the peni--"

"KLINT, PLEASE!!!!"