#perfect transmasc + transfem couple

[shaylogic]

Queer Experience Watching Barbie - AFAB Masculinity

I started to go into this in tags on another post but I wanted to type this up separately and try to develop my thoughts a little more. . .

Ryan!Ken’s arc in Barbie (2023) has been buzzing in my head for days.

I got fixated on it for a couple of major reasons:

1) We rarely have seen a feminist movie take time to address men with compassion in how patriarchy harms them too.

2) As a trans masc person, I think it hits a specific part of my identity that I don’t consciously let myself think about for too long. Something about being raised in a female world with sisterhood and community. Then being isolated in adult manhood without the tools to prepare you for that. Conscientious of respecting women and being unbothered by feminimity around you, but not knowing your place in the world.

How do I put it?

I know it’s not the direct intention of the film itself, but I’ve seen other trans folks (especially transmasc), reacting similarly to the feeling we get from it.

Ken’s arc feels pretty reminicent of the struggle afab lgbt folks go through when considering masculinity in their identity (butch lesbians, afab nbs, trans men, etc.)

How to make peace with masculine aspects of yourself without losing the women in your life? (One can argue Kate McKinnon’s Weird Barbie has aspects of this as well.)

Of course, then Ken goes off on the adopting patriarchy ride, which IS the point of the movie, and may skew a bit from the transmasc read on it--though I have known a trans guy here and there who avoids being misgendered so hard that they can become somewhat sexist. To which I say: “You don’t need to have a dick to be a man, and you don’t need to BE a dick to be a man.” But I digress.

Something about Ken being comfortable in a woman’s world but not understanding why he’s being shut out from socially bonding with them (in any sense! Romantic, Familial, Platonic Friendship. . .)

The overall theme of the movie for both Barbie and Ken--in an allegory of heavy gender roles harming all--leading them each to have to figure out who they are in themselves, regardless of others. . . 

Trans masc folx can relate to both Barbie and Ken’s arcs.

I don’t want to detract from Barbie’s arc being the main point of the movie.

I think the reason why we get hung up on Ryan!Ken’s character is because. . . we’ve related to the Barbie plot in other movies and shows before, thinking back to our “girlhoods” as children.

I have never seen the arc Ken has in this in any other story!!!!

There are some Man Movies that have attempted to discuss the struggle of Being a Man--but they often come off as too dismissive of feminine experiences, and are therefore as offputting to transmasc people as women.

Because of the nature of the two worlds exhibited in this movie, and Ken’s backround in his setting, personality, and purpose in relation to the Barbies, he’s a Man living with Female Socialization, in a Woman’s World; he’s a male character that inherently admires and respects women in his nature (until the real world influence distorts it).

This isn’t a perfect example of a transmasc experience either, but it’s a lot closer than most of us generally get to see! That’s why so many of us are getting caught up in this.

Please, other trans folx (transfems, too!), I really need us to have a discussion about this. What were your experiences and thoughts around this movie?

P.S. Yeah, we kinda get that nonbinary allegory from Allan (not a Ken, not a Barbie, siding with Feminism in the Gender War), but he wasn’t in significant focus of the plot the way Ryan!Ken was. If I try to read into Allan, I don’t have much to work with.

[genderqueerdykes]

if you don't mind answering, could you explain what mtftm/ftmtf means? asking bc i'm someone who is afab, possibly intersex, and once i started testosterone i've started feeling like i'm transfem and am transitioning to being a butch enby. does that make sense aldjsks

anyway if those terms mean what i think then i think ftmtf might fit my situation?

sure! it sounds like you have a multitransitional identity, i've met a lot of people who have followed transition paths similar to this.

MtFtM is male to female to male, and FtMtF is female to male to female! i've met afab, amab, and intersex people who identify with these terms. i've made friends with a couple other MtFtM folks lately who identify with it for different reasons than me! the folks ive met who use it aren't intersex but for their own personal reasons, whether it be that transitioning to female was not for them, or that they feel as though they want or need to transition into manhood, some identify so strongly with the feelings and experiences that transmascs and men have that they adopt the label, or even that transitioning to female gave them a greater appreciation for manhood. there are many other reasons, but these are a few that i've heard from personal friends!

i identify with the term because i'm intersex and was born AMAB, forced to switch to AFAB after birth and forced on to estrogen HRT as a teen, then i realized whatever they were doing wasn't right for me and was making me feel even more dysphoric and uncomfortable, so i switched gears to transition back into masculinity. the tF part of my transition was not consensual, but it is still a vital part of my life's timeline because it changed a LOT of things about my body against my will. i likely would not have anywhere near as much breast tissue as i do now if it were not for forced transition

now, on the less dramatic side of things, there are maaaaaanyyyyy folks ive met out there who consider themselves multitransitional. ive noticed a very cool phenomenon where someone begins transition and then it helps them gain appreciation for another gender they may have previously felt ambivalent or even dysphoric about. i think sometimes in transition when we change certain things about ourselves we find uncomfortable, it opens the doors to being more open minded about other identities.

if for whatever reason you feel as though you are transitioning in that direction, that's more than an appropriate term to use for yourself! after HRT, a lot of things can change. i think your transition path makes perfect sense to me. sometimes someone's transition has multiple stops along the way, and that's okay. your transition doesn't have to follow a conventional path, as long as you are going in the direction you want to go in, you're doing the right thing for yourself.

there are also the terms transfemasc or transmascfem to describe multitransitional paths as well!

feel free to ask any other questions you may have! i'm happy to help!

[trickstarbrave]

Hey I got a kinda rude ass anon I’m gonna delete bc I’m half awake in bed but

I like drawing transmasc Nerevar, yes, even tho I’m a lesbian. I’m still on the transmasc spectrum, as is my wife. I want top surgery. My roommate is a trans man. I IDed as a trans guy for like 4-5 years.

I don’t claim my depictions are like. Perfect. I don’t think any depiction of a trans person is going to 100% accurate to every single trans persons experiences. If my stuff is ever like grossly inaccurate or offensive feel free to tell me but saying I’m a fetishist bc I draw??? A trans guy??? And I’m not a trans man??? Is wild. Gender is complicated and just bc I would not personally date a man as a lesbian doesn’t mean I can’t think the transmasc experience is beautiful and that I can’t depict trans men in my art. I’d never tell my roommate he can’t write or draw lesbians. That would be dumb

I like transmasc Nerevar. I like cis nerevar. I like transmasc Voryn. I like transfem voryn. I like both of them being nb. Hell I like them being a butch/femme lesbian couple. I have a lot of trans imaginings

Just stop being rude okay

[appallinnballin]

Saw something stupid as hell on twitter(as per usual) so I wanna ask what your favorite headcanons for Sarv and Ruv are, either separately or as a couple

this took too long to answer than i would have liked because the minute someone asks my thoughts on anything its like suddenly i don’t know these people. suddenly i don’t know words JSJJSJDJSJD !

first of all here is this one <33

Sarv to me is transfem demiromantic bisexual (lesbian sarv is also extremely dear to my heart). Ruv is the same except transmasc/butch (lesbian Ruv, again, VERY good). Ruv does not care for labels whatsoever but he is just not straight nor cis LOL

Both are autistic, Sarv additionally has ADHD

Both are fat. just becaus

Both have had similar experiences growing up in terms of loneliness and harshness (what the experiences were are notably VERY different) as a result Sarv is prone to openly express and initiate affection/want whereas Ruv’s response to being touch starved was to shy and shun it away altogether. After their decades worth of time and understanding together this has changed, Sarv is more clingy with her touches while understanding of his boundaries. Ruv doesn’t mind anymore if she goes to touch or embrace him unasked but if he is feeling especially reserved he will mostly show it than voice it, and Sarv can usually tell.

In that same vein of thought, he will embrace her if he feels she needs it and never minds if she holds on him too tight after a stressful day or she has a lot on her mind (which can be often). despite her more open demeanor, I feel Sarv is as shy from pda as Ruv is. a looooooong while of unknowingly mutual pining can do that LOL sarv was the one who confessed first

Both have EXCELLENT green thumbs. Sarv taught Ruv the basics and joys of gardening within a few days and now he’s usually in their flourishing greenhouse if hes not inside or out hunting a target.

Sarv is considered the queen of hell, however she deserted from that position long long ago as a child in desperately hoping to attain a place in Paradise one day. despite her not exhibiting all evil natures of a typical demon (at least not anymore) if she were to return she would still be regarded highly. OR there was someone who took her place, and she is considered a deserter with no place for her return (not that she would want to)

Sarv has an entire library in their hidden nook in the church. It may or may not have every copy within the Library of Alexandria

Ruv lowkey dreams to be a part of the slapping contests he watches. he knows why he shouldn’t be allowed to

Sarv gave birth to Selever who was semi-planned. Rasazy, however was birthed by Ruv and neither realized until 3-2 months before the fact. they were not perfect parents but I feel they were good considering who they were, they provide for and love their bugs dearly <3

you know this one but they both experienced menopause at the same time but they didn’t know what that was. so they individually worriedly thought they were gregnant again 🥺

[almostfini]

Storytime: Comcast Guy

One of the funniest reactions to coming out as trans happened a couple years ago. My transfem roommate and I (transmasc nonbinary) had an issue with our wifi router and had to have someone come out to replace it. Comcast sent this like 21 yo white cishet kid and we live in a fairly conservative area so we were a little nervous when he showed up and we remembered the giant trans flag hanging above our router.

Anyway he's working away and notices the flag and goes "is that some sort of Pride flag?" We said yes. He scrunched up his little himbo face and I'm sure I smelled smoke as he tried to remember what flavor of queer it was. "...transgender?" We said yes again, apprehensively. He nods sagely and says "That's cool. Is one of you...?" At that point there was no use in denying it and he seemed chill about it and would be leaving soon so we said "yeah, we both are". He goes, "Oh, ok. So did you just feel like doing something different?"

I haven't got over how earnestly he asked that question. He was so utterly clueless yet totally supportive. I don't even remember how we responded, just that we both died laughing as soon as he left. I love how it made perfect sense to him that we had both just got bored of being cis and decided to transition for kicks AND that he was completely on board with it.

[strixludica]

Lancer: Battlegroup shipgirls [NO ART]

So, I was minding my own business when I realized a Lancer Mech activating their onboard NHP is kinda like a Jojo character activating their Stand.

Then I realized this implied that this applies to the ships of Battlegroup, but to make sense they would need to be drawn as humanoids.

GMS:

Murie:

Doesn't need glasses but wears them anyway for that crisp 40/20 vision

Very famous; has appeared in lots of games and movies

Lots of hobbies

Vers

Thoreau:

Single mother because she's an independent woman who desn't need a husband

Still big Mommy Energy

Large rack of primary cannons

Never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, or Thoreau what she was doing between 1800U and 4500U

Will ask to see your manager if her order is late

Amazon:

Can carry all the shopping bags in a single trip

"No don't throw it away, I can fix it!"

Trained in CPR

Knows she's vanilla and doesn't let it bother her.

Tongass:

Professional introvert adopter

Very good at setting up social events

Loves parallel play

Has a pair of big, comfy berths

Huron:

Thoreau's best friend, they were even born in the same shipyard

Very protective and jealous

Hates bugs so much she dual-wields flyswatters at all times

Caspian:

Best work ethic of the GMS gang

Second best shot after Murie

Does background checks on potential dates for her friends

Superior:

Techbro with all the newest gadgets

Super popular

Always knows how to fix your phone, computer, or other device

Never seen without a couple of drones hovering around her

IPS-N

Greenland:

Likes threesomes

Trans Rights or Trans Fights

Armchair experts online like to argue she's fake, but some people just can't resist Carrier with a bulging Superheavy Slot

Eiland:

Huge berths

Polyamorous

The friend that stays sober during the pubcrawl

Great leadership skills

Transmasc to Grennland's transfem

Tawa:

Perfect hourglass figure

Very touchy-feely

Queen of carpooling

Trained her pets to jump on people that make her angry

Masauwu:

THICC

Huge weeb

Great at teamwork

Kinda clumsy

Will bridal-carry you if you get tired

Bakunawa:

Redhead

Red everything

Pickup lifestile

Animal lover

Has a pet falcon she rescued and nursed back to health

Laho:

lways punctual

Large hips to carry the weight of her huge strap

NasaPunk

Once built a rocket for a group of flat-earthers just to prove them wrong

Minokawa:

Bakunawa's introverted sister

Ice Queen

Enforces personal space with extreme prejudice

Never goes to the bathroom without company

[ansu-gurleht]

my personal headcanon is that trinimac is transmasc and boethiah is transfem. perfect t4t couple who hate each other

[velvetvexations]

Hey, would you believe me if I said I drafted a long ass ramble meant for you yesterday and I never sent it because I was very sleepy and mayhaps a bit worried it'd read as dramatic? (I am once again asking for permission to deliver seven paragraphs to your ask box.)

Somewhat related, I cannot wrap my head around what people think they're achieving by treating you this way. They go on and on about how you're on the wrong side and how people thanking you daily for putting in effort and being you don't care about you. Do they imagine that if they treat you badly enough you'll somehow crawl over to them like a beaten, cowed dog?

The posts talking about how 'transmisogynists shouldn't expect any forgiveness' very clearly establish the social stakes you exist under right now. You can either continue to stick with people who are at least positive and grateful towards you while others use your kindness to justify hurling insults at you, demeaning you, and dismissing you. Or you can admit you're 'wrong' and beg for forgiveness and community that can be taken away from you at any time it suits someone to label you a transmisogynist for supporting transmascs. How is this not a recreation of the exact transmisogynistic dynamic that tells transfems they better be right and perfect and good on the first try OR ELSE?

To be fair I do seek out arguments and am sometimes more aggressive than I should be, which is something I need to work on. So I am to an extent deliberately taking that hornet's nest and slam dunking it onto the ground. I think that's what I worry about the most, that I get too aggressive and even the people behind me will start to say I'm just being cringe lol. But yeah, like, I'm sometimes a a little condescending and really sarcastic but the response is still outrageous and it helps to have others reinforce that.

When I first started learning about these issues a couple of my friends were telling me they had to come to me to talk about it because they thought they were going insane not agreeing with how transfems dictated their oppression to them. And I'm happy I have the chance to let others know they're not going insane either, that some things are fucked up and they're right to notice and want to do something about it.

It's good to like, have each other's back and validate things.

And yes! Send anything you want!

[nohara-rin-dot-mp3]

nart ships: a (very long winding tangent-ed) summary

danzen: hiruzen and danzo. they are not officially together and they never will be because of the nationalism. hiruzen is selfish and doesn't want danzo to die because he loves him. he would much rather sacrifice himself for his sake so that he doesnt have to live with the aftermath of losing him. classic hiruzen trait!!!! doesnt make moves because he also loves inaction. danzo is selfless to a fault and also applies this selflessness to everyone else whether they like it or not. the ends justify the means!!! (he has forgotten what the ends were). he doesnt make moves because of the catholic guilt. they pine after each other silently and occasionally send assassins after each other and then feel bad about the indulgence. fascinating.

the kakashi polycule: kakashi is a sex-repulsed gay demiromantic but he feels most comfortable not referring to his relationships in romantic terms regardless of whether or not the involved parties reciprocate romantic feelings. qprs for life baby!!! obito gai iruka and zabuza are usually my go-tos. all of them are desperately in love with him (the sad wet horse appeal. you know how it is.) but through sheer proximity they also get entangled with each other. mostly sexually. every single possible combination is terrible and everyone is aware of this and it is funny as hell. gai cant remember anyone but kakashis name but he objectively the best one in bed so thats just something they all have to live with. iruka wants to leave but he never does. he never leaves. he has no one but himself to blame.

tenzo: hes transmasc hes so transmasc and he's also gay and demiromantic and asexual. but i think he's pretty sex-positive and doesnt mind participating, even if he doesnt really get anything out of it. he and kakashi are also in a qpr but tenzo is not touching the rest of the polycule with a ten foot pole <3

minakushi: saw a post last week suggesting transfem 4 transfem minakushi and ive been obsessing over it ever since. the vibes are impeccable. war criminal no thoughts head empty minato and girlboss lying to herself to get through the week kushina and they were BOTH GIRLS???? that being said im also a big fan of malewife minato so idk. i go back and forth. any way you spin it kushina HAS to be transfem though i just. need her to be. these guys are one of the healthiest couples in the series i think. which says a lot.

kagurin: KAGURIN KAGURIN MY BELOVEDS!!!!! kind of like narumitsu except rin is literally nothing like edgeworth its just that kaguya has that "i can fix her" vibe that phoenix has (she is just as bad). absolutely impeccable. they have the symbolism. they have the chemistry. toxic yuri forever!!!! rin is aro but in denial and so she Decides to fall in love with kaguya because Moon Lady you know and kaguya tries to fix her and then they both die after a week because they are trying to destroy the world at the same time <3 women <3

tsunade: aroace romance repulsed sex repulsed touch adverse QUEEN!!! she and orochimaru meet up to bitch about everyone else's drama. (orochimaru is allo its just that he doesnt date because no one meets his standards.)

poly team 7: i will die on this hill. all of them are bi and they have a beautiful toxic codependent relationship <3 sakura and ino have flings every once and a while, same with naruto and gaara. the good ending in my head is the one where the three of them run off into the hills to live on a little farm as civilians after the war arc. the canon arc where they trudge back to konoha to drown in bureaucracy as they slowly drift apart from each other and the vision of a better world they once shared is kind of fun too except for the fact that thats DEFINITELY not the intend reading

rock lee: he is the perfect man. i believe he is straight as a ruler and the best guy you could possibly meet and incredibly unlucky. every girl he dates for longer than a week finds out that shes a lesbian. he has an army of lesbian best friends. eventually he had to result to mitosis to produce offspring. this is the only thing i know about boruto canon.

ankrin: yes rin gets two ships this is because she is my favorite. anko and rin happens in the timeline where she is the sole team minato member to stay in konoha and they meet and bond under orochimaru's tutelage. he ends up becoming hokage after minato is drawn and quartered by iwa for his crimes (<3) and they just kind of chill. both of them are aro and lesbians so this arrangement is GREAT for both of them. friends with benefits type of thing i think.

kisita: kisame is a mom friend. that being said i do not think he enjoys mothering itachi all that much. itachi is the exception to the worrying. kisame does it anyways. fascinating relationship. closer to that of a plant that produces flowers to attract an extinct species of bee and the fruit fly that has not adapted to co-exist with the plant but keeps it alive anyways than anything romantic i think.

[prpfz]

Hi hiii! I just saw I Saw the TV Glow and am feeling. So many things. And now I’m craving a rp with a queer pairing. I’m thinking we could do a coming of age type thing and write our muses meeting as teenagers, and then through the years? Maybe they meet at school and navigate the horrors of self identity as a queer teen, maybe some rural town where they’ve always felt like an outsider, or maybe some boarding school bc they’re ‘troubled’, or even just at a summer camp, and they keep in contact distantly if not in person over the years. My character is transfem, and your character can be anyone! Transfem, transmasc, nonbinary, label-less, cis but very gay, etc. Just very queer in some way. My muse comes from a very overbearing family - wealthy, reputable, seems like the picture perfect family to everyone else but is very cruel/abusive behind closed doors. I think maybe pairing them against someone from a pretty shitty family but one that’s more careless/neglectful than overbearing might be an interesting dynamic, and preferably your muse might be more sure in their identity at first before mine is and help give mine the freedom to explore.

I’m 21+, write on discord, multi-para to novella a couple times a week. I prefer something more relaxed in regards to writing but will happily chat ooc and send memes and cry about the movie if you’ve seen it too! Open to dark topics, smut (switches preferable, no strict bottoms/subs), etc. 📺

Leave a like, and anon will get back to you!

[novella-writers]

Hi hiii! I just saw I Saw the TV Glow and am feeling. So many things. And now I’m craving a rp with a queer pairing. I’m thinking we could do a coming of age type thing and write our muses meeting as teenagers, and then through the years? Maybe they meet at school and navigate the horrors of self identity as a queer teen, maybe some rural town where they’ve always felt like an outsider, or maybe some boarding school bc they’re ‘troubled’, or even just at a summer camp, and they keep in contact distantly if not in person over the years. My character is transfem, and your character can be anyone! Transfem, transmasc, nonbinary, label-less, cis but very gay, etc. Just very queer in some way. My muse comes from a very overbearing family - wealthy, reputable, seems like the picture perfect family to everyone else but is very cruel/abusive behind closed doors. I think maybe pairing them against someone from a pretty shitty family but one that’s more careless/neglectful than overbearing might be an interesting dynamic, and preferably your muse might be more sure in their identity at first before mine is and help give mine the freedom to explore.

I’m 21+, write on discord, multi-para to novella a couple times a week. I prefer something more relaxed in regards to writing but will happily chat ooc and send memes and cry about the movie if you’ve seen it too! Open to dark topics, smut (switches preferable, no strict bottoms/subs), etc. 📺

Like if interested!

[swiftfootedachilles]

i’m so curious about your being an opera singer ! can you share how you got into it / what it’s like / your thoughts?

i just got out of a lesson and im doing a recording session this week so i guess this is the perfect time to answer this question heehee (without doxxing myself ofc 😭)

purely coincidental. my randomly-assigned voice professor was an opera singer, and he hated teaching musical theater. well it turns out my voice is made for classical singing, so it ended up working out. the more i listened to it and sang it, the more i enjoyed it. by the end of my undergrad studies, i knew i didnt wanna teach in the american public school system and id rather take my shot at opera because your 20s are crucial to developing technique. took a break to recover from college burnout, now im back at it working on grad school

its fucking HARD. it is literally like training to be an Olympic athlete. everything you do affects your ability to sing opera. you literally use all your muscles and brain power to create each sound. im still very much learning, so it'll only get more difficult as i sing more difficult music. in 15 years i may be a dramatic singer, so for now everything is a waiting game while i make my way through "normal" repertoire for my age and voice type. lots of diet watching, hydration, strategically planning things about my chronic illnesses, muscle building, and avoiding stress at all costs

i would give ANYTHING for there to be resources for transmasc opera singers! hrt for transfems doesnt directly affect the voice, so singers can choose to stay in the exact same fach. but testosterone completely changes the larynx! theres absolutely no trans men in opera, only a couple trans women, and even in musical theater theres, like, maybe 2 trans men who have some sort of professional career. the reason i haven't transitioned is my voice. i cant be the guinea pig for that kind of stuff. i cant risk my #1 passion in life as well as my career. hopefully once i get thru all my schooling and if the world doesnt blow up by then, theres at least some trans representation in opera - even singers that openly identify as trans but dont take hrt, or having "gender swapped" and gender-blind casting! in the meantime, ill be here living my little hannah montana double life

[indisputablypercy]

continuing this time with character opinions instead of just about the music let’s go

All 20 of the main characters are great. i couldn’t imagine disliking any of them

however best characters are haruka and ena i don’t make the rules

haruka is also the most autistic girl in the world i love her

shiho doesn’t hate shizuku.

tsukasa is trans. transmasc? transfem? yes. both.

toya isn’t canonically a tenma, it’s a headcanon. there’s the line where tsukasa says toya is like a brother to him but that is also just a common thing friends say. i’m not saying that it’s a bad headcanon, just saying that it is a headcanon

emu is dating every character. emurui? amazing. emunene? no notes. mafuemu? perfect. i could go on

same happens for mizuki. tho i’ve been particularly attached to mizutoya lately

akitoya QPR. don’t have anything else to add really to that one just. akitoya QPR.

i lied earlier the actual best character in the game is EASILY empty sekai miku. i love her an absurd amount

akikoha >>> i don’t make the rules

ena isn’t overly mean. airi isn’t mean at all.

“honami isn’t a pick me” well actually. she kinda is. she’s a people pleaser that’s like. a thing. but what makes her so interesting and wonderful is how she’s working on that aspect of herself. i love honami sososo much

the stage sekai vocaloids are like. super boring compared to every other sekai.

the street sekai vocaloids are my overall favourites probably

street KAITO best KAITO

we need more interactions between haruka and an. we’re told they’re good friends, we have the one event where they show them being good friends, but it kinda. like. doesn’t come up much after that and i Adore their friendship

Akito is a MMJ fan yes, but his bias is Haruka for sure.

Toya also likes MMJ. bias shizuku.

And once again i’m sure i’ll feel the need to braindump again in a couple days so. i’ll continue eventually

i feel like posting hot takes so

Love Material is an absolute jam

Kimi no Yoruwo Kure is the best Mizuki commissioned song

Awaiting Clear Skies is the best Honami commission, best Leo/Need commission AND the best commissioned song in the game

Salamander sucks ass

Showtime ruler is mid

What Sort of Ending are You Wishing For? is the best Rui commission

i don’t really care for any Tsukasa commission sorry

Nene has the best Wonderland commissions overall. easy choice

yeah that’s all i got atm. i’ll prolly think of more as soon as i hit post

[hms-no-fun]

Here is an odd one maybe, but I think it's potentially interesting. When in the writing process did you decide/realize or whatever, that Roxy is trans? It is possibly my favorite "reveal" in story telling just for how it was built up to.

i literally did not have it in mind as a reveal until writing the final version of the epilogue. based on screenshots in the work server, i wrote that conversation on december 30th, 2021, just a few days before the epilogue would go up!

so initially what this epilogue was gonna be was the scene with VV saving July and sending her on her way to do tasks, and then they would deliver to us some basic narrative mechanics exposition. then at the very end there would be a reveal that the "you" they were talking to throughout the epilogue's narration was not us but Roxy and Callie, and that'd be the end.

i had MOST of this written back in july (the month), but as i was writing the descriptions of VV's room it hit me that this would be a perfect time to do some spritework. by that point we'd long since decided to turn 3.2 into something approaching a more traditional mspfa, so it made sense to use the epilogue as a testing ground. this turned out to be an excellent choice because we learned a LOT about what is and isn't sustainable-- ah but we're getting off topic.

when janet showed us her Roxy and Callie sprites, i knew i couldn't just leave 3.1 on that cliffhanger. these two have been orbiting the background of this story for a while, particularly in chapter 8, and where i think Jade & June's sides of the story going into 3.2 have been set up relatively well, Roxy and Callie were a big blind spot.

as per usual with godfeels, once i started writing them as characters in the scene instead of plot vehicles, a whole whole lot of important shit clicked together for me. the epilogue was always meant as a statement on the metatextual nature of godfeels up to this point, and to draw attention to some of the weirder implications thereabouts, but it was only at this point in the writing process that i understood how it mattered on a personal, emotional level.

so both Roxy and Callie get important character moments in the epilogue. Callie, of course, deliberately lets VV deliver whatever exposition they want so they can piece together what's really going on, because of course Callie has ample experience being a semi-omniscient narrative guide. but it was really Roxy that i puzzled after the longest.

honestly, Roxy has probably been the single hardest character for me to wrap my head around. partially this is an inherited problem, in that i wrote gf1 & 2 under the assumption that no one else but June was trans, and much as i prefer transfem Roxy as an interpretation of her character, transmasc Roxy from the epilogues looms large. if she were to be transfem, not only would that contradict the epilogues timeline in a weird way, i was also worried that it'd piss off the fandom crowd who were still up my ass all the time in late 2019/early 2020. that latter bit isn't really a problem anymore, thank fucking god.

i'd never considered making Roxy textually trans until VV blurted it out on the page. me, as the writer watching the scene, just sorta stopped and stared at my screen. there's a lot of stuff in the wider expanse of godfeels that i only know in abstract, stuff that i've earmarked for explicit development once we start the planning phase in a couple months. chapter 8 is constructed in a way that tactically obscures certain information and plot beats that i didn't want to introduce yet or that i felt like i didn't have a strong enough grasp on to feel okay committing to canon. Roxy and Callie were in that camp, and to an extent a lot of VV's stuff was in that camp. one of my frustrations while writing the ch8 epilogue was the realization that i basically had to rapidly go through the planning phase for this particular corner of the narrative out of the blue. 3.1 just had to get one last surprise hit in on its way out the door i guess.

so i spent a lot of time running over transfem godfeels!Roxy in my head, and the more i thought about it the more perfect this reveal felt. there've already been so many gestures at Roxy's voidy relationship with narration & internality, but i think what really opens the door to it IS VV's bastardization of reader response theory (itself an evolution of Alt-Callie's "a martyr died and said fuck" speech from the epilogues). after the realityquake and VV's exploration of cosmic relevance & denexustic radiation, the very same inconsistencies that made me shy away from exploring Roxy's gender in the past suddenly became the very reasons it was worth doing.

that epilogues timeline Roxy is transmasc but godfeels timeline Roxy is transfem feels narratively curious and interesting and troubling in a way that is so much more compelling now than it would have been at any other point in the story. and it just made sense that of course someone else would reveal the fact of her transfemininity to the audience, and then directly call attention to the ways a non-binary construction of gender just feels completely incompatible with dramatic storytelling. like the idea of someone just having a moment and realizing, no, i'm a different gender actually, it just comes outta nowhere! it doesn't feel satisfying in a story because it doesn't feel satisfying in real life, either (assuming you're a cis person who's never or only rarely encountered a trans person).

it works in tandem with June's own coming out, too, where everyone was skeptical of her insistence that she knew herself better than her friends did- only now the relationship has been elevated by an order of magnitude, making it a conflict between the character and the reader, making us the outsiders to her internality and being forced to ask ourselves, "does this make sense?" and just like Rose et al back in gf2.1, we don't MEAN that question in a transphobic way. obviously trans characters are great! we're more interested in whether or not it's a satisfying dramatic beat...

writing the scene, VV just kept vocalizing these thoughts i was having as an imagined audience member running over the story in my head through the lens "does this make sense?" ironically i don't think i could have given Roxy a satisfying gender reveal without this context, and doing it this way just... i mean, i dunno how to describe it exactly. it's juicy. it's interesting. there's a lot of gas in that tank, you know? and i still don't think i fully appreciate the ramifications of it. like so much of godfeels it just sorta worked. it feels like a magic trick that someone else is pulling on me every time this happens, and it's precisely what makes working on this behemoth so worthwhile

[fightingtrim]

ok it’s ocposting hours

so there’s like. tangible magics like pyrokinesis, healing, w/e, these just exist. you can be born good at them, you can practice and get better, you could be naturally not good at some of them. like math. these ones are less well defined by me but they don’t have specific deities. if u wanna get really good at plants u dedicate itself to plants.

but there are actually gods, to represent more intangible stuff, based around people and their thoughts and feelings. there are three of these; light, void, and sound and color. these concepts have representatives in people, and they reincarnate. they can die, but usually at the hands of the other two avatars. i wanna focus on these specific guys. other incarnations exist but i won’t talk about them because i don’t like historical fiction and i can’t write future fiction.

void

zach, they/them. ace/aro/enby. transmasc. yes im projecting shut up.

void represents secrets, physicality, pain, absense, end, all that fun stuff. void, space, doom, flesh. they’re not malicious, if u need help and pray to them, they’ll b there for u. they mostly eat meat. they reincarnated the most recently. abysmal social skills. if u ever need to dispose of a body, go to them. they would like to Hold Xam’s Hand. they’re comfortable in their inhumanity. they got a fun lil’ (infinite, not little at all) pocket dimensionvoidspace, but they can only get to it thru dark places. u cut them open and something thick and dark oozes out. magic meat flubber sludge. they can heal, but it’s by getting in there and reconstructing the cells one by one. at some point they internalized that Making People Uncomfortable is Bad, so they’re very hesitant to engage with humans. they will help, but u gotta ask for it. and maybe trade them a shiny piece of metal or some pork.

sound and color

name is subject to change, but rn xe’s going with xamantha. xe/they, he/her but only if u use them both in rapid succession. transfem. pan and poly

now this bitch is rage bound! there also blood and heart themes. it’s emotions and relationships, sensory input. spiraltime. geccer. xe has a house for people to stay in, this is the base for the main characters. it’s, like, a community outreach center or smth, zach is allowed bring ppl in off the street. anyone can, but they’re good at finding them. most, like, human passing, at this point. great social skills, great liar. xe looks slightly different every time u look at xem. not enough to be unrecognizable, just subtly different. zach is xir friend :) they lean into the inhumanity a little more than xe’s comfy with but other than that they get along nicely. full of color! they’ve got patches of color moving around under their skin if u look hard enough. loud and confident. not conventionally attractive but like 😳 y’know those cool alt ppl on tiktok? yeah

light

i need a better name than daniel. something biblical. maybe raphael. cis man. someone has to be straight.

information, perfection, logic. he doesn’t hate elon musk. he has a temple, and a religion he actively maintains. to be fair, the proof of his godhood is right there. he’s got some sensory issues, i think. light, mind, hope, time. he’s always wearing this big white cloak/robe thing. he has Goals he is Driven. he wants to spread the good news of the Godlight! im sorry that ur just fundamentally imperfect and can’t understand. he has strong opinions on classical music. he’s comfortable, he’s got money.

there’s a rock-paper-scissors logic to who could beat who one on one. light fills void, void consumes color, color stains light. i will have more stuff to say later, ive got a couple fics I’m working on right now. ask me if u have a question.